#to think that I researched this from nowhere before but at least now there's Google Lens to help...
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yridenergyridenergy · 2 months ago
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Does anybody regconize what clothing brands did the members wear at today stage greeting? Seem like kyo is wearing Madara 🤔
Sorry for the delay. I'm not sure but it seemed like there were two "movie premieres" that day. Kyo was definitely wearing the latest beige jumpsuit from Madara Ningen at one of the events.
The jean jacket that Kyo wore was from Zara and actually comes with the "Free Popcorn" patch. The blue "kid drawing" (officialy "knit elephant") T-shirt underneath is also from Zara.
I think that Kyo alternated between a black cap with Chinese words and one from DRESSEDUNDRESSED, a brand with whom he collaborated for a sukekiyo show years ago and the Rock and Read 087 photoshoot.
Kaoru's fedora hat was from The H.W. Dog & Co. His pants seem to be crinkled freight nylon cargo pants from "Entire Studios".
Die, I could bet that some ârt of his outfit was from Kiryuyrik as always hah. Maybe Shinya's came from h.Naoto?
Toshiya's shirt is too "common" to find a specific brand.
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rainwaterapothecary · 3 months ago
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Luis Serra built a radiotherapy machine in a cave in Spain and I think I can prove it. (Long post warning!)
So I’m minding my own business, sanding a door, when all of a sudden the re4 lore video I have playing hits me with:
“The only way to survive infection is to rid the creature via radiation therapy.”
Snake Meal then went on to say that Leon “used Luis’ equipment to destroy the Plaga within Ashley and himself.”
…So wait a minute, did Luis build a radiation therapy machine in the middle of noplace with Saddler breathing down his neck?
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Well shit, he did.
Let’s talk about that.
Quick Preface:
-My knowledge before researching came solely from Plainly Difficult’s YouTube breakdowns of when these machines go wrong, so I’m kind of reverse-engineering ft. Google. I am so far from being an expert it’s laughable.
-I’m narrowing down my search to 2004 and before, preferably 2002 or so. The game takes place in 2004 and Luis was kidnapped by the cult before then, so I’m gonna say he hasn’t had a chance to pick up a scientific journal in a while.
-There’s some info I’ve cut from this post because it read more like a scientific paper but if y'all want any of the dry stuff I can post the full paper on Google Docs or something.
Now, let the research breakdown commence!
Going into this I knew of radiation machines, but they were always the ones that rotated around the subject, like this one:
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Turns out, there’s at least one type of radiotherapy machine that fits roughly what Luis had built and it was first built in 1991.
It’s called a Cyberknife, and this is what it looks like:
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Consider me intrigued.
“CyberKnife is a small compact linear accelerator mounted on a robotic arm that moves around the person to give radiation from many different directions. Computers track a person’s position and movement. If a person moves slightly, the robotic system can adjust by repositioning before the beam of radiation is delivered.“ (cancer.ca)
TL;DR- The arm moves around the patient from different directions while a computer tells it where to shoot.
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Luis really said ‘anything you can do I can do x3, under budget, and without internet’. His machine even sounds like the Cyberknife, it’s great.
The ability of both machines (Luis’ and C.K.) to ‘track’ the tumor/Plaga is interesting since it follows something called ‘Image-Guided Radiation Therapy (IGRT)’ which didn’t come into popular use until 2004.
Remember why 2004 was important but discounted from my research?
Because Luis was already on the damn island by then.
Luis either took this concept he’d seen in passing and built it, or he came up with the idea completely on his own, conceptualized it, and then built a working model in the middle of nowhere, Spain with a cult breathing down his neck.
In the same year scientists on the outside (where they can collaborate and consult other people in their fields) were able to build and release such a thing.
This, however, is one of the first places Luis’ machine differs from ‘official’ radiotherapy machines -
His imaging.
Here’s his screen:
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Most radiotherapy machines these days use MRI or CT scans for imaging (and Cyberknife uses X-rays).
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But that’s not what his screen looks like. MRI/CT scans are too clean.
You know what his screen looks like to me though?
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It looks like an ultrasound. His screen has the little gray motion lines that waver as the machine searches around for the Plaga inside of Ashley.
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^See? The gray lines move around and the Plaga moves around.
This is fascinating to me since CT/MRI/X-Rays all take ‘slices’ or ‘snapshots’ of the body. You have to hold really still when they are taken.
You know what doesn’t hold still when getting imaging done?
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Babies. And babies are seen using ultrasounds.
I think he utilized some form of ultrasound technology beneath/inside the chair itself to ping upward and get images of the Plaga as it moves.
Then the algorithms begin to track the Plaga once the ultrasound has brought it into view, the beams ‘lock on’, and fire radiation into the Plaga (and the poor fuckers between the radiation and the Plaga).
In some other post we can unpack the fact that apparently Luis has enough mathematical and programing know-how to build tracking algorithmns from the ground up. Mechanics? Check. Maths? Check. Programming? Jesus Christ my dude, Mensa is about to pull you over for speeding.
…And yes, I know ultrasounds are touchy and shouldn’t work with that much air between it and whatever it’s imaging, but I’m giving it the ‘sci-fi rule’: it looks like it works, so it works. This will not be the only time I invoke this rule.
Now his robotic arms.
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The Cyberknife has just the one, but it has similar flexibility:
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Thus it would make sense for two of the arms on Luis’ machine to be for imaging like the Cyberknife:
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But as we see from his display, they’re not.
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All three of them are for firing radiation. When the circles all overlap, the system will fire. Luis wasn’t taking any chances with this shit. He’s hitting it fast and hitting it hard. (This will come into play later.)
Next up is his chair. Granted, the chair looks a lot more utilitarian (and sci-fi catchall) from other angles, but the very first time we see his chair it looks like this:
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Following the concept that his lab is filled with things that are just a little to the left of what he needs, I would say that this looks like a surgical ‘beach chair’:
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They’re meant to hold a person still while operating on an arm or shoulder. His chair looks like it has space for arm and head restraints, and the bottom of the leg rest flips up to hold the feet in place.
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Et voila:
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I think I’m onto something.
I also think he has a LINAC machine hidden somewhere in his lab. (We are now entering the 'way above my paygrade’ segment.)
A  “LINear ACcelerator uses microwave technology to accelerate electrons then allows these electrons to collide with a heavy metal target to produce high-energy x-rays.” (radiologyinfo.org)
TL;DR - it makes radiation go brrrr so it can be shot into things
How he got one or where it’s stored are completely beyond me, since if he had gotten one by just asking for it, he would have had to answer a lot of questions that the cult (that WORSHIPS the things he’s destroying) wouldn’t be very happy with the answer to… but he wouldn’t have to hide it.
However, I don’t see one when looking around his chair.
I DO, however, see a bunch of machines that could easily be hiding one.
(Sci-fi logic says ‘what if he built one!!!!’ and imma be real with you chief, I don’t think he has the space to build a nuclear accelerator from the ground up. Hiding one though, that I’ll believe.)
It would have had to be a relatively big object since the microchip-sized LINACs weren’t conceptualized until 2015 and were only built successfully in 2023:
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^Very cool. Very small. Very not possible in 2004. :'(
However, here is the rough size of different radiotherapy machines available on the market from 1956:
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1972:
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And on the Cyberknife cir. 2019, just because that’s the model I’ve been referencing:
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So while there are some LINAC machines that are ~3 km long, the ones used on radiotherapy machines aren’t super big. They're not microchip-size, but anything the size of a washing machine would suffice to mask this thing.
I think he could safely be hiding it somewhere physically nearby to where the robot arms come from before dividing its blast into three high-energy beams.
Which leads me to my final big difference between Luis’ machine and any market-available models:
The possibility of pain. (Told you it would be important later.)
My research says that radiation therapy shouldn’t hurt, even if sometimes local anesthesia is applied to the site before starting the treatment. (Location of treatment, type of cancer, etc.)(Sources are linked below!)
However, when radiology machines malfunction (which is rare!!! I only know of three (3) instances where a machine fucked up out of the decades we’ve been using this technology) they leave behind radiation burns and stabbing pains.
Which, ow.
But Ashley was in instant, screaming agony. Granted, I’m not sure if that was from radiation or from the Plaga embedded into her nervous system, but his machine applied three streams of radiation where traditional devices use one. Her treatment time was around 21 seconds total while traditional treatments take at least a few minutes per dose.
Personally I’m inclined to believe that it was the Plaga causing her pain, due to her scream not changing at any point (thus illustrating the source of her pain not changing from radiation to Plaga.) Even if it was a quick jolt of burning from the machine, switching over to the pain of a parasite hijacking her every nerve ending at once, there would have been some change (in my experience with chronic pain, at least).
But it can’t be ruled out. Ashley was in agony and a traditional machine would not have that effect on a patient.
At least if you’re paralyzed with pain you don’t have to worry about being held in place so the machine can do its job? Silver lining?
Sci-fi logic, my friends. Sci-fi logic.
In closing, Luis Sera MacGyver Navarro created a radiation device that not only functioned as he needed it to, but it could work repeatedly without a massive cooldown time in between uses or internal errors when operated by two amateurs who had no idea what they were doing.
And he made it out of the mechanical equivalent of paperclips, bubblegum, and the particle accelerator he’s hiding in a closet.
Sources:
Radiotherapy explanations/descriptions/history - [Siemens][MSK Cancer Center][Wikipedia][MD Anderson][Virginia Radiation][Canadian Cancer Society][National Cancer Institute][Standford Healthcare]
Surgical 'beach chair' - [hillrom.com][davidscottco.com][arthrex.com][Anesthesia Patient Safety Foundation]
Linac info/images/articles - [Space.Com][RadiologyInfo.Org][Wikipedia][Google]
RE4R Youtube Videos - ["The LORE of ALL Resident Evil 4 Enemies" uploaded by Snake Meal][Plaga removal cutscene uploaded by CrispyBenoit]
Cyberknife Youtube Videos - ["How Cyberknife Works" uploaded by Mt. Miriam Cancer Hospital]["CyberKnife® Robotic Radiosurgery System Demonstration" uploaded by ThedaCare]
Ultrasound, MRI, CT images/info - [sciencedirect.com][Mt. Auburn OB/GYN][Desert Imaging]
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wrongcaitlyn · 6 months ago
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okay so ‼️TW‼️ for this ask and off you do not have to answer or read it if you don’t want to please stay safe!
so. i think once in tyt there was a short reference to nico being suicidal and having self harming/self destructive behaviors. i believe maybe it was after he had to jump off the balcony? and will was like “nico did you do that on purpose” and he’s like “no” and it’s “he kept thinking of the time will caught him” or something like that i’m sorry i can’t look at it rn!
BUT
I was wondering if we’re ever going to get an expansion on that or just any mention of it in general.
me personally i would love too see some scar representation but ofc it is your fic and please don’t feel pressured into anything! i totally get if you don’t want to include anything about this.
and i’m very sorry if this made you uncomfortable or that this was triggering for you.
have a good day! and plz don’t feel rushed to respond! ❤️
yes! you are remembering correctly, and do not worry, this isn't uncomfortable/triggering at all to me! in fact, that's actually one of the reasons it wasn't expanded on - i have no experience with self harm/ thoughts of self harm/ being suicidal, and so even though i made those vague references, i felt very unsure about diving any deeper.
also, i started writing this fic when i was still pretty new to writing in general (or at least, i used to write a lot, and then i took a pretty long break, and then i came back with some one-shots, and this was my first really long project in quite a long time), and so i was just really,,, idk not insecure but i was overly cautious about making sure that i wasn't writing anything wrong, especially because i was writing about things that i had no experience with. like, my family's pretty alright, nowhere near abusive, no alcoholics, and despite the depression my mental health's pretty alright, at least at the time i was writing this - and, obvi, the main thing was that i'm not trans, and yet i was writing a trans mc coming from a very abusive household.
so with all of that, i dropped in these references to his freshman year, and very purposefully didn't start in freshman year because i knew that i wouldn't be able to write that accurately (or, at least, i didn't want to risk writing it inaccurately and portraying these very serious topics in a way that might trigger/offend people who do struggle from these things) and started off the fic in a time where nico was mostly in a much better mental state than the year before, but still struggling with those problems - just not as severely(?) as before.
i'm honestly considering/have been considering going back and editing talk your talk (the og fic) just because i think i've grown a lot as a writer while writing that, and there are a lot of, firstly, tiny grammatical errors, and some scenes that i would like to restructure/fix. i might be able to start that this summer, we'll see!
but ANYWAY to answer your question!! i honestly hadn't thought of going more into that, even though i am adding some more detail to nico's current mental health issues/his ptsd. i'm not completely sure about going into *detail* of it, because of the aforementioned reasons; i just think that these kinds of topics are very sensitive and it's not like the kind of stuff you can just, like, google and understand. if i were to add more about sh/past suicidal thoughts, i would definitely want to do more research/look up accounts of people's experience of it, because i'd want to make sure that i'm writing it correctly and not in a way that would just brush aside any of the details, yk?
i also think that, in a way, nico has completely blocked out that time of his life. it was very dark, and he's experienced even more trauma after that, and so it's just something that he tries really hard to avoid/not think about - even though i do think that he talked to mr. d about it at some point.
so the answer, to be honest, is that i don't know, but it's leaning toward a no. now that i think about it, though, i'm not entirely sure if it's realistic for me to just drop that toward the beginning and then never have nico think about it again- so i would have to do more thinking on the topic! thank you so much for bringing this up to me because even though i do remember mentioning it, i never really think about those early chapters anymore, which dealt with some pretty heavy material, even though i tried to stay very vague about it all.
i think that i'll try to include it at some point, and i do have a scene kind of forming in my head that i think i could put it into, but i don't think it will be very detailed, probably staying in the same lane as everything else that i included in the early chapters of talk your talk! thank you for the ask!!
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iwriteasfotini · 8 days ago
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Ok, I promised myself to stay logged out. And there is a lot to mourn IRL today, but here I am because I channeled all my rage into my passion project, which is currently writing fanfiction and in doing research for my story I found...
Did you know that the reunion in the Shrieking Shack at the end of POA was impossible for two reasons (and I'm PISSED). Also I drop some F-Bombs in this post. Sorry not sorry.
The full moon of June 1994 was on the 23. Here's a lunar calendar.
"It's from Hagrid," said Harry, ripping the note open. "Buckbeak's appeal - it's set for the sixth." - From POA Chapter Sixteen - Professor Trelawny's Prediction
This would be in reference to June 6th, 1994, as Hogwarts always lets out in June. How hard is it to reference a fucking lunar calendar!?!?!?!?! **An Edit on 11/7 - My partner said JKR didn't have access to the internet like we do now, so my 45 second google research into the lunar calendar of the nineties might have taken her an hour at her local library...**
2. Werewolves transform with the rising of the full moon (at least that is the impression mythology has given me and nothing in the Harry Potter world has contradicted this).
Then, out of nowhere, something hit Harry so hard across the face he was knocked off his feet again. He heard Hermione shriek with pain and fall too. Harry groped for his wand, blinking blood out of his eyes - "Lumos!" he whispered. The wandlight showed him the trunk of a thick tree; they had chased Scabbers into the shadow of the Whomping Willow and it's branches were creaking as though in a high wind, whipping backwards and forward to stop them going nearer. -From POA Chapter Seventeen- Cat, Rat, and Dog
AND
A cloud shifted. There were suddenly dim shadows on the ground. Their party was bathed in moonlight. -From POA Chapter Twenty - The Dementor's Kiss [this was the whole group coming out of the Willow BEFORE Remus begins to transform]
AND
"Here comes Lupin!" said Harry as they saw another figure come sprinting down the stone steps and haring toward the Willow. Harry looked up at the sky. Clouds were obscuring the moon completely. -From POA Chapter Twenty-One - Hermione's Secret
So, while we don't have any time stamp evidence, these passages suggest it was already dark enough for Harry to cast a Lumos to see where they were BEFORE they even went under the Willow. Evidence here also suggests the moon was FULLY FUCKING RISEN by the time Remus left the castle to go down the tunnel at the base of the Willow. It was merely obscured by a cloud.
Someone for the love of all things Harry Potter, PLEASE contradict me!
Please tell me I missed a critical tidbit of information that, oh actually werewolves are only in their true form if the rays of the full moon are shining DIRECTLY UPON THE GROUND!?!?!?! Or my analysis of the timing of these events is simply incorrect.
I mean how big of an oversight is this. The lunar calendar is bad enough, she had years to plan this plot line. I'm writing FANFICTION for FREE and I have sworn by the lunar calendars of the 1970's to dictate each of Remus' transformations. But to utilize Remus' lycanthropy to allow Peter to escape and Voldemort to return, and to have it not even have been a full moon that day and for the circumstances of his "delayed" transformation to be so skeptical, has me positively reeling.
I've sworn I would follow canon events through the seven books if I stay motivated to write that far, but now... I don't think so. My story will still lead into canon for event compliance but if I write into those years I'm doing an AU. An AU where plot diverges at this extremely PIVITOL MOMENT in the series.
An AU where Sirius and Remus get to live. Where old wrongs are righted. Where Dumbledore does something USEFUL and hunts down Voldemort and Horcruxes himself. Where we see the fallibility of Prophecies. We already lost Regulus, James, and Lily. Someone deserves to live.
I am open to thoughts, if you have them to share!
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8bitsupervillain · 4 months ago
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Higurashi When They Cry Hou Ch. 5 Meakashi pt. 12
With some of the more recent chapters I do occasionally think about uploading my various screenshot folders for the individual chapters up onto google drive, or similar. So that way you can see what I skip over if you're really curious
For instance, Shion and Ooishi have themselves a lengthy chat about Satoshi's disappearance. Which then cuts to Kasai and Shion, having a chat about the person who they say killed Satoshi's aunt, before cutting back to another lengthy section of Shion and Ooishi jawjacking about the confessed killer, and Satoshi's disappearance.
Shion then does some research into Oyashiro and the nature of the curse in the Okinomiya library where she meets Miyo Takano, and the two talk about the nature of Onigafuchi, Oyashiro's curse, and the disappearances therein. Shion had evidently not clocked the notion that when someone dies, someone else seems to disappear, which seems at odds with prior narration, but still. Shion then goes back to her apartment and gets a visit from Mion. The two share some cheesecake and talk about Shion's penance. And then:
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This, I feel confirms my suspicions about the Shion/Mion mystery from the end of Watanagashi. Shion is acting a lot more violent and aggressive compared to the shrieking woman in peril she was claimed to be when she had Keiichi at her mercy towards the end of that chapter.
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Considering the way Shion has reacted in an aggressive violent manner this scene convinced me that the earlier times when "Mion" was acting incredibly violently were in fact Shion. After all, this chapter has gone to considerable length to establish that Shion has a deep grudge against Oryou, at the very least, and has a less than good view of Mion. So it wouldn't surprise me to learn by the end of Meakashi that everything that happened when the bodies started cropping up was entirely Shions doing. I'm open to the idea of this all being a deception to show how Mion is actually the crazed demonic killer that Watanagashi claims she is, especially when it shows just how easily cowed she can be. But at the moment I'm willing to accept the idea that Shion's behind it all. The Why is all I'm missing, because I don't think she would have enacted the whole plan just because Satoshi vanished.
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I like to think these TIPS were just put in there to be like "yes, we're skipping back to 1983," and not have to just keep rehashing information it's given up repeatedly. You think anyone at the Comiket, or whatever convention these originally sold at just bought the newest one and dived in completely unaware of the larger ongoing narrative?
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Like they just saw this cover with the green-haired anime girl with a knife, went ooh, and bought it without knowing the first thing about it? How confused do you reckon they were? Or do you think they were able to get by without being too terribly lost?
As an aside, looking for even just the original box art is rough. The internet generally has a problem with just dumping out spoilers you know? As an additional aside, Higurashi the shmup? That's a thing that exists apparently, which doesn't surprise me, as well as an ebay listing for an alleged Higurashi fighting game.
Getting back on topic.
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We're back to 1983! Everything's gonna be great forever!
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I like to imagine this particular set of biker delinquents just get their bikes kicked over all the time. Everywhere they go, someone just knocks em out. So it's basically a weekly occurrence someone screws with their bikes, they confront them and bam, crowd out of nowhere to hassle em out of town. Maybe in the final chapter of this series the embodiment of Oyashiro will knock over the motorcycles again, and the biker delinquents having enough of the universe's shit will beat up and take down Oyashiro. I can't believe I've just now accurately, and completely, predicted the end of the series.
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Look at this dork ass. Most specifically his dumb little vest on the original art. Turning it into a tank-top was probably the right choice in the end. I was just struck by a terrible vision of the future. Because this seems to just be a retelling of Watanagashi this means there's a significant chance that this will make me go through the part with the otaku again. I really, really hope not. That was quite possible the worst part out of the entire series to read.
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ominous-feychild · 4 months ago
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✦ Writerly Questionnaire ✦
Thank you so much for tagging me, @the-golden-comet!! This looks fun, and a lot of these are questions I love answering and wanted to share here eventually, anyway! 😊
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About Me
When did you first start writing?
It depends on how you define that, and then what you consider "writing", haha. 😅😭 I started this one garbage self-insert fic when I was 8, but didn't get far into it, haha. Then I wrote at least 100 pages of a horrible novel in a notebook at age 11. I consider the time I "officially" started writing to be when I started consistently doing so in 2014... when I started roleplaying on Google+. Before long, I'd formed my own stories from ideas I'd come up with in those rps and eventually settled on working on writing with a single writing partner for 5 years. We have since parted ways as of almost 3 years now.
Are the genres/themes you enjoy reading different from the ones you write?
Yes and no? Here's the thing: I absolutely adore my niche genre of "high fantasy and Used To Magic So Barely Questions It, but placed in a world that resembles modern besides a variable lack of technology. Oh, and we focus more on the characters than anything else!" But, uh... at least as far as I've found, that really isn't common. Especially not stories that also play faeries for horror, which is one of my favorite things, haha. I'm very firm and comfy in my writing genre. I've dipped elsewhere, but they're a lot harder for me to write and nowhere near as fulfilling, haha. However! I do love reading other genres, too! I love superhero and superhero-esque stories, I like a good amount of those "video game stuff popped up in real life" things, and yeah! Lots more. So it's less of a thing of "not liking the genre I write" or even "not being able to find it" and more of a "I like writing something very specific, but still enjoy other stuff". 😊
Is there an author (or just a fellow writer!) you want to emulate, or one to whom you’re often compared?
Ohhh this is kinda a difficult question? Nobody's ever told me specifically whether or not I resemble any other writers, and I only want to "emulate" other writers very loosely? I compare my worldbuilding to Tolkein's because I've been working on it for almost 6 years, have steadily been building out individual cultures and half-creating languages, have literally done weeks' worth of research on Earth Sciences to be able to build out a planet that Works... and then half threw it all out when I came up with the Faewildes and realized I can bullshit it. 😂😅😭 (Note: I still do not fully bullshit it though. Just don't stress as much as I used to.)
Can you tell me a little about your writing space(s)? (Room, coffee shop, desk, etc.)
Confession: I've moved around way too much and been way too poor to have any "solid" writing space that I'd like. I used to like going to cafes, getting some tea, and sitting by a window I could stare outside (and dissociate to) while hallucinating scenes before writing them. But for a long while, I've been too poor to be able to do that. It's actually probably one of the reasons I've struggled a lot to write recently now that I think about it... but oh, well. Since then, I tend to prop myself up in my bed with my stuffed animals and squishmallows forming a throne of sorts as I write. (Helps prevent back/neck pain, or at least push its onset back.)
What’s your most effective way to muster up some muse?
Editing my old writing and listening to The Story's Music! It helps me get back into the headspace of the relevant character(s) and it brings my mind back into the "prose writing" state. (Clarification: 99% of the music I listen to is associated with an entire story, one of my characters, a specific scene, or some combination of the above. It's both fun and one of my oldest ways of tricking my AuDHD brain into writing!)
Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?
Ha... the trauma sure did!
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Are there any recurring themes in your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?
Trauma, discrimination, and poverty. No, they do not surprise me, because they've all been a huge part of my life. SaS is a rare exception because (as I was initially creating it for a writing contest) I specifically created it to be very mainstream... but also mixed in a lot of my personal interests to get me through it. However, I think those themes (minus poverty in the MCs) still shine through, they're just a lot more subtle.
My Characters
Would you please tell me about your current favorite character? (Current WIP, past WIP, never used, etc.)
Technically, dare I say, a LOT of my characters are "among my favorite characters". However, as I've gone on record saying, it's probably Gene, one of the MCs of the Arcane Rifts, haha. However! Since I already have an Ask in my inbox about him (I'll get to those eventually, I swear 🙏) I'll go elsewhere! I think among my top favorite characters would probably be Carmin, Basil, Caron, Xao (pronounced "How", and yes he never hears the end of it), Tobin, Sammy, and Quinn! Tbh I definitely could've listed more, as I said, I love most of them-- Quinn, though! Is the son of the Existence of Fate, one of the "oldest gods" of my stories. He's forced to see all of time, always. That mistake he made 300 years ago? Almost literally burned into his brain. That mistake you made five seconds ago? Also there. Something happening on the complete other side of the world? Yep. And actions people will commit 500 years from now? You betcha. Except, the "future" events can change, and more drastically so the further they are in the future. Butterfly effect and all. He and his mother, Fate, are constantly doing things in pursuit of... what? Well, they have a plan... but I obviously can't say, haha. Dude's horribly traumatized, though--he's constantly witnessing every single atrocity ever committed and has even watched others that would've been committed played on repeat in his mind until he found a Timeline that prevented it. He's long-since grown used to it, but also consider... his own life is in there. Nothing that happens to him will ever be a surprise. Not except for when he creates a new timeline by changing events that should've otherwise happened. That's why he's constantly telling jokes and being obnoxious to people he doesn't like--to humor himself for the small moments they're new to him. Kid's (he's frozen at a young age because powerful magic + ageless-immortality) depressed af... but it's okay. He's working towards something he believes in. So why are Quinn and Fate actively doing horrible things if they want to make things better? Guess you'll have to find out! In ten-thousand years when I finally write the reveal. (I love Quinn so much istg--)
Which of your characters do you think you’d be friends with in real life?
Oh, that's hard. Probably Gene! Maybe Freya, but definitely Daleira and Faer! Here, let me just-- Probably: Gene, Mislav, Faer, Liesel, Maritza, Grimnir, Caron Definitely: Daleira, Damaris, Ludmila, Rada, Carmin, Cricket Possibly: Freya, Crow (but I'd possibly find them irritating / overwhelming), Adilzhan, Caspar, Soren, Zarina, Basil (Half of the "probably/possibly"s is because I'm not sure if they'd like me. Especially Zarina. Omfg I love her so much but idk if she'd like me at all.)
Which of your characters would you dislike the most if you met them?
Oh, dear. This is a difficult question. I'll start with characters you guys know--Tazin and Valyarus. Hands down. Tazin because he's way too loud/crude and he would both overstimulate me and piss me off to no end. Valyarus, well... because he's an egotistical, rich prick. Enough said? But actually? Half of the Existentials. Order especially, Fire, and Storm. Perhaps not so coincidentally, all of the "top gods" besides Fate herself...
Tell me about the process of coming up with of one, all, or any of your characters.
So it depends on the character and why I'm creating them! There's a few different ways one of my characters can come to be, but uh... we'll start with explaining Oska's creation! So, from the beginning, Oska was created to just be the leader of the khonitva (a gang). Originally, he was going to have a rather small role in the story--the khonitva and the reason he was the leader were more important. His main role in the first draft was showing up at a REALLY bad time, capturing the relevant MC(s), and killing another character. So all I worked on was his personality (it related to how/why he was the leader) and his motives. He became an angy man out for vengeance and basically nothing else. Then I expanded on tAR, turning it from a duology to... well it'll be 5 or 6 books now. 😅 The first two books would spend more time in Kavo (the town Gene lives in), and so Oska's character expanded. A MASSIVE part of his character was tied to the death of his brother, so I did a little expanding on his brother, and he had a "sidekick" in Rieka, the khonitva's healer who (even from early drafts) had romantic feelings for him (but at the time they weren't mutual; Oska had too much anger for his brother's death). Oska's character has perpetually been focused on his brother's death and his role as the leader of the khonitva, so I simply expanded it so that--rather than just being the leader--he cared for the khonitva like a family because it was the only bit of "family" he had left. So uh... I guess I focus on the most important part(s) of the characters relative to the story, then expand on them? That's the "role in the story" method I flesh out a character, at least, haha. Otherwise, if I'm just trying to create something with a very VAGUE role/idea, I'll often look at writing prompts, artwork, the literal superpower wiki, and fandoms I'm not part of for something to make me start to think. Y'know, have ideas. I'd get into an example, but this section is already pretty long, haha!
Do you notice any recurring themes/traits among your characters?
COUGH the social Others or socially-othered COUGH impoverished and/or exploited COUGH abused by a parental figure COUGH abused in general COUGH neurodivergent and/or gay COUGH, WHEEZE, HACK-- Ugh, sorry, idk what just happened there. Probably the fact that a lot of them are socially awkward, have anxiety, have a "different" way of communicating, and/or are emotionally withdrawn? And I accidentally give my autism to a lot of them. 😎😭
How do you picture them? (As real people you imagined, as models/actors who exist in real life, as imaginary artwork, as artwork you made or commissioned, anime style, etc.)
Through Pinterest boards! I have aphantasia and can't really see things in my head very well (if at all), so I'll use Pinterest boards to collect images that have the Vibe™ or characteristics of my individual characters... which is incredibly difficult for my inhuman or even more ordinarily diverse characters. Like, I'd get into a tangent about "why is 90% of art on the internet of white and/or conventionally attractive people" but uh... I don't think I have to here. Anyway! Yeah, a lot of my characters, I'll have vague ideas/impressions of what they look like and seek things out along those lines. Freya, for example, I basically immediately knew to have poofy red hair like Brave's Merida. Some characters are a lot harder, because I think I know a certain thing is a fact... when apparently I saw them as a completely different race without realizing??? (RIP White Rada for example. I was actively TRYING to make a majority of tAR's characters white because they're so xenophobic but no. 😅)
My Writing
What’s your reason for writing?
I used to space out and "hallucinate" scenes of my writing while going about my day. It was my way of coping with the rest of my life, which really wasn't great. (I mean it still isn't now but, y'know. It's much better!) Since I started working on novels, my goal has shifted. I mean--I still write for myself and my own enjoyment first and foremost. But I don't just want to write for myself--I also want to write for others. Here, let me just share a majority of my bio from Tapas--
I'm an autistic woman who's lived through a variety of experiences and places, and like to include things reflecting that. Diverse characters, cultures, environments, and politics (different within each in-story location!) appear in my writing. I like weaving life lessons--through the experiences of relatable characters--into the stories I tell. Many people see themselves or the people around them reflected in the characters they see in books, so I think it's helpful for people to be able to see those same kinds of people within fiction so they can reflect on the relationships within their own lives.
Is there a specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating coming from your readers?
THEORIES!!!
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I absolutely love it when people theorize because:
I put oh-so many mysteries and hints toward Truths
it shows they're paying attention
it shows they care enough to try to pick out the pieces and put them together!
I can see how well I'm doing with the seeding of hints if people are noticing them... even/especially if they realize they're important but don't know how/in what way!
How do you want to be thought of by those who read your work? (For example: as a literary genius, or as a writer who “gets” the human condition; as a talented worldbuilder, as a role model, etc.)
Oh dear, you're trying to out me as an egotist now, aren't you?
WELL CONGRATS, I'M FALLING FOR IT--
I'd like to think of myself as a writer who does amazing worldbuilding and makes realistic characters, so... obviously it'd be awesome if others thought of me the same way, haha. I mean, otherwise, I'd really just prefer people enjoy my writing in general? Tbh I don't have any other goals besides enjoying it myself and making others happy with it.
What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?
I would say realistic and diverse characters. I'm a huge fan of psychology, love learning about other cultures, and listen to the stories of people from a lot of various backgrounds. I like to think those things allow me to write characters with a variety of backgrounds, worldviews, and personalities.
What have you been frequently told your greatest writing strength is by others?
Nobody's necessarily said it's my "greatest" strength, but the most common compliment I receive about my writing is that it's very easy to read and picture what I'm describing!
How do you feel about your own writing? (Answer in whatever way you interpret this question.)
Uhm... this is a difficult question to answer. I like my stories, but I struggle with prose. I overthink a lot and sometimes have a very hard time describing things in good part because of my aphantasia, but it can be very validating to hear when I do a good job with it.
I have a lot more fun creating the ideas and maybe even making outlines than I do actually writing them--but I'm pretty sure that's kinda normal, haha?
My writing today is very different from what it was 3 years ago, back when I was still writing with my old RP partner (we'd planned to publish together). It was a lot more grimdark before, and tbh I never liked that and only came to terms with that after we parted ways. Then, I put my time and effort into working on tAR (solely my own work even then), clearing out a lot of the grimdark-ness, and building it out to what it is today. I'd temporarily abandoned our old projects because I needed to cut her stuff out, but didn't know how to, and it was painful to try.
it was only a handful of months ago that I revisited my old works with her and found that it's no longer painful. So I've finally been bringing together my old worldbuilding with the kind of writing I want to make today--which still requires a lot of changes and updating.
In short: I love writing, though it can be very emotionally-loaded. I have a lot of insecurities relating to the quality thereof, but I'm pretty sure that's universal, haha.
If you were the last person on earth and knew your writing would never be read by another human, would you still write?
Of course! Though it'd likely be more outlines than actual prose, haha. After all, I primarily write for myself first and foremost.
When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy? If it’s a mix of the two, which holds the most influence?
Yes and no; so it's a mix of the two. The priority, of course, is what I enjoy writing. However, I do want to become a published author and (hopefully) live primarily off of it one day. That goal means I also have to cater somewhat to what I know other people will like/what makes sense to them.
However, I don't particularly think that's a problem in my case! In application to tAR, I refuse to change it in a lot of its core ways--aka the multiple plots going on at once, the MCs starting as children, the mixture of invented words from their native language, and the fact that it doesn't cleanly fit into any genre--so figuring out how to make it otherwise palatable for others to read is more of a fun challenge for me actually!
SaS is different, however. I purposely made it very mainstream due to initially starting it for a contest (which has since ended), and I think those clichés make it much less enjoyable for me than it otherwise would be. But that can still be changed! I'm working on building out SaS as you read this--that's part of why I focus on it with Asks--so hopefully I'll come to love it half as much as I do tAR!
(And, I mean, to be fair, SaS has been growing on me lately! So it seems to be working at least a little! I think SaS was also very unique for my stories in that I made it to be a story rather than picking out events that I already saw happening in the world I've made, so it's been harder to get into it in general.)
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Looks like I've rambled more than I should again, haha. 😅😭 Hope it was still worth reading and/or that you guys enjoyed it anyway??
Tagging (with no pressure): @honeybewrites @yourpenpaldee @the-letterbox-archives @darkandstormydolls
Divider by @cafekitsune
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rockinlibrarian · 1 year ago
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9 people tag game
Tagged by @e-louise-bates, who tagged only me (and no, I don't believe I've done this one, recently at least), so I'm assuming the "9 People" in the title isn't NECESSARILY how many people I have to tag.
last song: All I've been hearing for the past two hours is the background music to Splatoon, which my son is playing on the big tv in this room. Last song I actually listened to? I think it was Led Zeppelin. Yeah, when I turned my car off I left auxiliary on for a bit, as one does, and it was some Zeppelin-- "Whole Lotta Love," that was it.
last movie: Honestly, I am not sure when I last watched a movie? Possibly not since Arsenic and Old Lace at New Years. I just don't get around to it! Also, Splatoon is always running on the big tv.
currently watching: Okay, I almost thought of this as a movie, but I have been watching a TV show the past week or so! Muppets Mayhem, which is only 10 half-hour episodes long but I've still only watched 7, that's how much I'm not watching ANYTHING lately. Okay, I am unable to tell if it is objectively good to the average person-- I think it's mixed, some very good stuff, some eh-- because it is basically a made-for-me show (it got shuttled to the top of my watch list when a friend-- an online friend I've never met in real life even-- specifically tagged me on Facebook after she watched it because she thought of me the whole time). I have said, for the record, that The Electric Mayhem is my favorite fictional band. They genuinely do rock. And the music (and the music nerd references) is the highlight of the show. And the Get Back-themed episode was indeed an absolute delight.
currently reading: Kids and I are towards the middle of the end of The Sun and the Star, Mark Oshiro's Riordanverse book about Nico and Will in the Underworld, which isn't quite as delightful as Riordan's originals in voice, but still has some good stuff in it. I've also brought home Nowhere Boy by Katherine Marsh, which I am considering sampling for the older group at Summer Quest this week. Hence bringing it home to actually read those chapters before reading it to them. I also left off in the middle of a multichapter fanfic last night, something Umbrella Academy of course because I'm still only in the S's in my alphabetical by author browse-through. It's "the desperation murmur of a heartbeat" by slytherincosette-- good enough for me to keep reading beyond the first chapter (or even the first paragraph) at least. Haven't finished it yet.
last thing researched for writing purposes: Huh. Well, that depends on your definition of all those words, I suppose. I think, using the broadest definitions, the last thing I researched for my writing was synonyms for "flawless"-- I was looking for the word "foolproof" but couldn't think of it, so I put "flawless" in Thesaurus.com and browsed until I spotted it. Yay, thesaurus! And for this particular fic I also have looked up the transcripts to The Wizard of Oz (which is the AU) and various episodes of Legion (which it is a fanfic of), if THAT counts as research. I am looking at my google search history now but I don't think any of this was used for writing. A few minutes ago I looked up how many inches are 143 centimeters which I THINK was for some ART that @sunnymarbles was drawing, but that's drawing, not writing, and also not mine. I have researched various snack recipes from around the world so as to write up some handouts for Summer Quest, which was technically writing, and mine. Honestly the only research session for fictional-not-educational writing purposes that really stands out in my memory was the day (2 1/2 years ago) I spent researching electric guitars just so I could say what Marty McFly's dream guitar would have been in 1980, for one sentence in a less-than-900-word fanfic. But I learned a lot of interesting things about electric guitars, so there.
Who the heck should I tag. I usually tag Louise, but she got me first. @stephsageek, @alihahdnaid, @sharkneto, @rebel-by-default, @littlerit, @steeple-sinderby --those are the first I-know-are-writers in my notifications (not counting Louise) before the scrolldown makes me click "see more." There's also @dannypageoflight who draws more than he writes but who knows, maybe he's done some research for writing purposes lately. That's seven. And two more people! Have fun, two more people! @sunnymarbles! You were already technically tagged in this, and I already told everyone what you're reading and also probably what you're listening to right now because you are also in the room with Splatoon (can't tell if you have earbuds in) and also that I looked up the last thing you wanted to research half an hour ago or whenever it was! And you don't write! But you can also do this if you really wanted to!
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sarithestray · 24 days ago
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Blue Jobposting Site Post - Extended Version!
Last week marked a month since I started my university journey as a first-year UG Politics, Philosophy and Law student in London. Even though it's been such a short time, I like to think I've learned, unlearned, and adjusted a lot while making some rookie mistakes. 
This won’t be, unfortunately, the most inspiring post involving significant achievements or milestones. But, I think it is necessary for those not in university yet–and this applies to most of my connections–to know that a rocky, underwhelming, overwhelming, or generally uncomfortable start is normal, and that you have three (or more!) years to fully grasp what it means to be a university student, and an adult human being. 
Firstly, the academic aspects. I had to learn the difference between a lecture, a workshop, a seminar, and a tutorial (though honestly, I don’t quite understand the difference between the latter two yet). And I had to un-learn the idea of a “correct answer” –if you are in Arts & Humanities, Social Sciences, Law & Legal Studies or anything similar, forget about binary correctness. As long as you can critically, analytically and factually back up your answer, it’s a possible answer. Be open to the feeling that you know nothing when going to a lecture, and be even more open to leaving the lecture feeling like you know even less than nothing. 
Of course, put in the effort; you won’t succeed if you don’t try to. Also, this isn’t A-Levels, and “yapping” a long answer out on paper with advanced vocabulary will get you nowhere if you aren’t utilising factual, relevant knowledge. For any course you do, there will be readings and perhaps exercises or questions you have to answer in advance of these sessions–if not to give an answer when asked, at least do them so you’re up to speed when your professor is talking or presenting. And there will be a lot of it, so try your best to properly read through the primary ones and at least skim through the less important ones. Take it from me, someone who genuinely thought she could get through the one-hour EU law tutorial without completing the readings properly–big mistake on my end, never doing that again. 
Secondly, transport. I will be honest–the Underground isn’t as reliable as I thought it was growing up! Sometimes there’s flooding due to heavy rain, other times the trains may be out of service in your area: that’s okay, you can still get to school via bus. It's often cheaper--you just have to leave earlier in consideration of traffic.
I learnt that it’s best to do your research on Google Maps, Naver or Citymapper to figure out what routes are quickest, cheapest and uninterrupted for you. So, before you start your day, make it a habit to plan your journey. Get up at least 2 hours before your first session of the day (depending on where you stay, you may very well have to do this) to see if anything’s happened to your regular transport method overnight. I messed up the other day, and ended up going into deficit on my card, owing London transport 40 pence. The machines didn’t work at my closest station, so I had to walk back north of the river to get back home. 
Thirdly, finances and access to money. London is heavy on using cards for payments, so make sure you have access to a debit card at the very least. I personally use HSBC, and made two accounts; an Everyday Global one based in my home country, and one based in the UK. This helped because now, I have minimal transaction fees. For your UK account, you do not need the most luxurious account specifically; there are options to choose from, and you should pick based on what your needs are. I picked mine based on my tuition fee and living arrangements.
Additionally, always make sure you have physical cash on you for emergency purposes (like topping up your transport card because you now owe London transport 40 pence, ha). Find out where the closest physical bank outlet to you is, and remember how to get there in the case of emergencies should your information be compromised. 
Next is your social life, societies, and life outside uni–yes, it will exist eventually, don’t worry. It can start out terribly; I didn’t even attend my Open Days because I was so anxious and the mere idea of being in a crowded space overwhelmed me. At the time of posting, I’ve only just started figuring out what societies are for me. The only concrete social group I have are the friends from my home country that I made prior to arriving at university. I haven’t even been to a proper social event yet–no freshers parties, no department welcome gatherings, no dinners or festivals; you name it, I likely haven’t been.
And, contrary to popular expectation, that is okay. Your feet will find the shoes that fit you, and you will find your footing at your own pace. Trust your gut; if you think something is or isn’t for you, you’re probably right. However, at the same time, be realistic and make decisions that benefit you. University is all about balancing work, social and personal life, so build a routine around your classes that suits you.
Fourth, general safety precautions. From a girl, safety is not something you want to play around with. If you stay alone, if not already in place, I recommend getting a portable security camera and some form of alarm system that is easily triggered and rechargeable. For international students, register with your country’s university society if there is one where you go, and more importantly, your embassy.
Phone-snatching is scarily common in the UK, especially London, so what I like to do is keep what I consider sensitive items separate from other devices. Get yourself a small fanny pack/cross-body bag to wear on your front, and only take it off if you know the space you’re in is guaranteed safe e.g. a small study area in your uni. Attach a small personal alarm or mini-lock if you wish. Wallet, keys, phone, important cards all go in there. You may feel a little silly, especially if you’re like me who wears a backpack along with her cross-body, but that’s okay. Even if you do look like a hitchhiker, you are a secure one. 
Fifth is health, food, and hydration. I’m one of those people who used to fall sick every time there was even a short school break because of exhaustion. Thankfully, since showing up here, that hasn’t occurred yet. I shape my outfits and meals around the weather of the day–very mindful, I know. It's helped me a lot in minimising the impact of the environment on my health. For rainy or cold days, I wear something thick and waterproof, and always get soups and noodles in. On hotter days, fruits are very refreshing and energising.
I’ve also gotten into the habit of cooking in a little excess, so that I can feed myself a bit before leaving the house no matter what. So far, the worst I’ve had is a light runny nose, which is to be expected now that UK temperatures are quite volatile. PS: if your accommodation allows it, get yourself a rice cooker. Mine saved my life (and cooking time!) 
I suppose that will be all for now! Sorry for the wall of text, I'm just really excited!
-- Sari the Stray
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asexual-abomination · 4 years ago
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Plat!Yan!Chrollo x Autistic!Reader x Plat!Yan!PT - Soulmate AU Part 2
The next part of my growing tale! The next part may be a bit shorter, but I've finally laid out a solid plan for where I want to take this!
Once again, this idea was first brought up by the lovely @kiame-sama. I also have no traditional education in writing, so any advice is greatly appreciated!
Hope you enjoy reading!
-----
The days following your switch were fairly normal, as you returned to work and your normal schedule. Your coworkers were sometimes nosy, asking when and how you would be reaching out your soulmate. Those questions annoyed you since they never accepted your explanation that you had already tried.
Unfortunately, you didn't really have any plan for finding your soulmate, and searching up the names you had been given hadn't been any help. Google kept trying to auto correct the names, which lead you to believe that they were rather rare. That made you think that you would have more ease in finding them, but you were unable to find anything but odd conspiracy theories that you knew better than to hold faith in.
It was stressful to think of the all the things you weren't able to do in finding your soulmate, so you tried to focus on distracting yourself with that which you found fun in real life. Watching your favorite movies for what had to have been the hundredth time, treating yourself to fancier food and some good new clothes, pulling your own mind away from the anxieties eating away at you.
It wasn't until that weekend that something felt off.
You would normally get a call from Jo in the morning of every Saturday, but they seemed to be delayed today. You truly worried that you had scared them off for good, but Jo themselves had told you multiple times that you shouldn't get too upset if the call came late.
Trying not to be too disheartened, you began the journey to work. Working as a librarian meant that while your work day was happily uneventful most days, your shifts extended into the weekend, so even on a Saturday morning you headed off on a commute.
To keep yourself active, you at least made the journey to and from the library on foot, especially seeing that it wasn't too far from your home. Boredom was rather easy at such a time as this, so you were quick to zone out and see only the pavement in front of your eyes. In your state of peace, you were too slow to notice that there were other footsteps joining yours until you were tugged into a side-path by your arms. Before you could yell out as you had been taught, a familiar voice began behind you.
"It's just me, but you need to listen very closely."
Jo's voice would normally calm you, however there was an insistence in their speech that told you they weren't here to catch up on the week.
"Look, I don't have too long to talk to you, but you need to take this," they pushed a thick binder full of sorted papers into your hands, and you took it quickly, "And follow it to the letter."
"Wait, why? What's going on!?" As you watched the panic in the way that Jo spoke, you felt overcome with the same worry, even though you had no clue what they were so upset about.
"Look, it's - it's about your soulmate, I've done some research, and he is not a good person. Not at all." They only furthered your confusion with such a statement, what research could Jo have done that you missed?
"I can't talk too much right now, but there are bad people on their way for you right now. Really horrible sorts. That binder has every instruction you need to follow to get away. If you follow it properly, there's a safe place for you to stay at the end, and I'll try to meet you there."
You could only splutter in the face of such intensity, half-coherent questions and worrying dying on your lips.
Before you could string together a sentence, your phone began to ring. You fished it out of your pocket, noting that there was no caller ID.
"(Y/N), you should answer that, but be careful what you say. It's probably that soulmate of yours, making them think they have your location will help, but you'll have to give me your phone afterwards."
There was an ache quickly forming in your head from all of the new information thrown at you, but you followed their instruction quickly, putting the phone to your ear.
"(Y/N), dear, I'm glad to have reached you. I should hope you're doing well?"
The voice was certainly the voice of your soulmate, but that didn't quell your anxiety. It took you a moment to realize that last bit was a question, and even when you figured it out, an odd tightness had formed in your throat.
"Um. Uh. I-I'm good, I guess? Are you... alright too?" You cursed your hesitant answer, but Jo looked at you from across the path with a stern nod, silently telling you that you were doing well.
A chuckle rang through the phone, quickly followed by his response, "Yes, dear, I'm doing well. You don't need to worry to much, we're almost prepared to come and meet you in person. You still work at that library, right?"
Your eyes widened at the confident question from him, practically jumping in surprise as you tried to figure out what answer would please both Jo and Chrollo. Jo gave you another nod, reaching out to gently tap your hand, lightly rubbing their thumb over the side of your palm.
With little else to go off of, you had to assume that this was Jo's way of soothing you from your upset, so you answered, "Yeah, I still work there, did - how did you find where I worked?"
As you spoke, you were trying to give Jo hints on what was being said by your soulmate, for which they were grateful, but it was unnecessary as they heard Chrollo speaking with ease.
"That's not important at the moment. You're going to be there until three, right? Like I said, we're still preparing at the moment, but we should be ready to come and get you by then. Does that sound good to you?"
Jo's face grew angry at that statement, but they still didn't speak, not wanting to alert him to their presence lest he realize that you would be missing in just a few hours.
"Err, 'come and get me'?" Even you knew that there was something iffy about that wording, especially since you didn't plan on going anywhere, even with your soulmate on a first meeting.
"Yes, exactly, we'll come and get you. At three O'clock from the Old Town Library. You don't need to leave the building, we'll come in and get you from there. I can't wait to see you, dear, you'll wait for me won't you?"
Before you could respond that you certainly wouldn't be waiting for him, the call was hung up. You felt almost out of breath as you looked mindlessly at your phone's lock screen, having to be snapped back from your trance by Jo taking a more insistent grip on your hand, pulling you to look at them.
"You understand now? Why you have to leave?" They had spoken forcefully before, but their tone was tougher now, pushing you to answer. Though you still struggled to speak as you caught your breath, your nod was enough for Jo.
Suddenly, Jo began to reach for you with their other hand, hesitating for a moment before pulling you into a hug, tight against their broad chest. You jumped at the contact, but that was nowhere near the shock you felt when you noticed the tears streaming down their face as they quickly pulled away. In all your years of friendship, you had never seen Jo cry. You had watched them fight, scream, and tremble in anger or fear, but never had a tear passed their eyes before you.
"Look, that binder has everything you need to get out of here unnoticed, I know that you can follow it and get to safety." Their tone was unaffected by their tears, not even the slightest wobble to be heard, yet they went on, "I know - I know that this going to be hard, but there is hope at the end of this. I can promise that I'll meet you at the safe house, if you can promise that you'll follow every instruction I give you."
At any other moment, you could have chuckled at their insistence, but now you found yourself nodding solemnly to their speech.
"Please, let's meet on the other side. I'll keep you safe no matter what they bring."
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wisteria-lodge · 3 years ago
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burned lion primary + burned badger secondary (unhealthy badger performance) (bird model)
I’ve figured out my primary, I think. Burned Lion with Bird model and an unhealthy Badger model from my parents that I’m trying to drop. I think my secondary is pretty burned (neurodivergence and trauma) and I’m having the worst time figuring it out because I feel like I use bits of everything. I’ve tried looking at my childhood but I don’t have a great memory of it and I burned at some point in middle school or before so there’s not a lot to go on.
I do tend to jump into things quickly but my father always told me never to make decisions based on enthusiasm
Oooh, your dad’s not a Lion. I will be on the look out for some (Bird or Badger) models, especially since I know you’re carrying some unhealthy primary stuff from your parents.
I try to remember that. Especially because I’ve been hurt badly in the past by acting impulsively.
That can be a Lion secondary thing… but also a Lion primary thing. Depends on the circumstance.
Lion: I feel uncomfortable with lying and I’m not great at it. Twisting the truth to my advantage is safer than being caught in a lie. I remember that as a child, I looked up how to tell someone was lying so I could get better at it because it was too easy to tell when I was lying.
That is… super Bird actually. Kind of *adorably* bird. And if you’re neurodivergent, chances are that at the very least you model Bird secondary.
Sometimes I just really want to call someone out for being rude or a jerk but I just paste this friendly facade on because I don’t want people to think I’m an a-hole.
Actor Bird? Badger secondary performance?
But I did get into fights in middle school and there was a time my friend had to hold me back from getting in a screaming match with someone in NYC who called me a whore out of nowhere.
I mean, part of that is being young. There’s anger and aggression here, and sure it’s sort of Lion secondary flavored. But I lived in NYC too. Sometimes people just accuse you of being a shapeshifter or personally killing Biblical figures, out of the blue. It happens.
I used to love being controversial and edgy but now I’m too afraid of doing that or speaking my mind unless I really really know my audience. 
Being controversial and edgy for the sake of being controversial and edgy is also very *young.* And sure Lion secondary is possible, but I’m not forgetting about that Lion primary.
Bird: I collect cookbooks and love to study new languages. I’ll listen to podcasts on obscure topics I’m interested in and then run into the other room to tell my husband a cool fact I just learned.
Sounds like (at the very least) a fun Bird secondary model.
I don’t have a lot of people I can rely on for advice with my personal stuff (they just have very different lives or I don’t want to burden them) so I end up googling a lot of things instead of asking a friend.
Oh that’s interesting. You want to ask a friend, but you can’t. (Burnt Badger.) So INSTEAD you do a lot of research on your own (Bird model)
Most of my research does have a purpose, though, like understanding something better or making an important decision. Not sure if this is Bird or Badger but when I cook, I have to follow the recipe exactly the first few times before I feel comfortable adjusting it.
Could honestly be either.
I see videos of people just figuring out how to make a dish on the fly and it’s like witchcraft.
I don’t think you’re an Improvisational secondary.
I wouldn’t even know where to start unless I had a serious base of knowledge or experience to draw on.
… there’s the Bird.
(My mom is a bookkeeper Badger and she’s the one who taught me to cook). I do plan a lot but it’s more anxiety that if I don’t, I’ll forget what I need to do. I feel like maybe Bird is a model I lean into really hard.
^
Badger: I do have a lot of stereotypical Badger hobbies like knitting, baking, etc and I find them very soothing. I don’t like lying but I don’t have to feel the lie, though that makes it more convincing.
You make a distinction between “lying” and “twisting the truth to my advantage.” You conceptualize lying as a skill that you had to learn - which sounds like it’s coming from a very Actor Bird place, so no wonder you don’t have to *feel* it.
BUT. “Twisting the truth to my advantage,” could POSSIBLY be a way to describe Badger mirroring, especially if you’re a little down on Badger in general, which you honestly seem to be.
I do mirror people sometimes, I think, but it’s usually a conscious choice unless I’m tipsy.
Hmm. Interesting. So you consciously mirror people… but also do it unconsciously? “In vino veritas” IS a thing that people say.
I do rely on communities for support, though. I’m in several support groups on Facebook and I often go there to ask for advice/support
That’s *really* Badger secondary.
and to search through old posts for information on what I need.
Bird secondary. I AM pretty confident saying Bird secondary *model* at this point.
And I do ask my friends for advice when they have relevant experience
Okay. I got it. I think I can put it into words. You are writing about a Badger secondary. But every time you mention a Badger thing, in order to explain or excuse your behavior, you throw in a very Bird secondary justification.
I’m too afraid of… speaking my mind unless I really really know my audience.
tell my husband a cool fact I just learned
I end up googling a lot of things instead of asking a friend.
I often go there to ask for advice/support and to search through old posts for information
And I do ask my friends for advice when they have relevant experience
in each of these examples, you are talking about being part of a community, or strengthening the bonds in a community. But either your using a Bird strategy to do it, or you’re doing a Bird thing at the same time… so that makes it okay.
though I try not to do it super often because I don’t want to be a burden and have that define our relationship.
This is the second time you’ve mentioned burdening your friends, and like… I think you’re a Burned Badger secondary. You don’t think that being a Badger secondary *works,* and it’s unsafe to depend on the group or ask them for help. But you’re cutting off a strategy here, a good strategy. People like to help. And sure, be aware and responsible and all that good stuff. But people can also tell you if they don’t have the emotional bandwidth for you right now. They can tell you if you think you’re stepping over a boundary. You don’t have to mind-read. It’s not all on you.
I do try to be a supportive, caring person who brings people meals and stuff, but it’s more because I feel that’s what I’m supposed to do than because it comes naturally.
We know that you “paste this friendly facade on because I don’t want people to think I’m an a-hole.” What you actually seem to be doing is performing a “stereotypical” Badger secondary over your actual Badger secondary. Which is burnt. No wonder you’re confused.
When someone is causing trouble in my community, I think about confronting them and then decide it won’t work and is too frightening and instead I gather stories of what they’ve done from others and go to an authority figure with all the info. That seems Badgery.
I know EXACTLY what this is, because I think you actually house-match me. You get that Lion primary this is wrong go fix it gut punch. And then that feeling has a *little* fight with the Badger secondary that says wait a minute. Take stock of your base of operations. Who is loyal to you. Who listens to you. What secrets to you know. Who wants to do you a favor.
Snake: I’m not sure if this is Snake or Lion, but I tricked my elementary school Spanish teacher into telling me how to say I don’t like something and then got the whole class chanting that we didn’t like Spanish.
you are literally fighting back *with* the community. They’re you’re weapon. Once I got an entire bar to stand up and stare down a guy who was creeping on me. It’s awesome, it’s a superpower, it’s Badger.
Which I realize now was awful but it felt badass as an 8yo.
Look, starting a chant is always kind of badass.
When I got in trouble at school, I would sneak up and leave the upstairs phone off the hook so they couldn’t call home and tell my mom. I tricked my gullible friend into leaving fruit snacks out overnight by telling her they’d come to life.
I don’t know if this is a Badger secondary thing (I’d be charmed if it was) but all this is sounding extremely familiar. When I was younger I used to get a kick out of convincing people I could read minds. My favorite strategy was to listen in on pocket dials. You hear some good stuff listening in on pocket dials.
When my ADHD really whacked me over the head in high school, I became excellent at doing as much of the homework as I could and then BSing the rest.
Truly, that’s just an ADHD coping mechanism. I see it all the time.
I knew how to guide my foreign language teacher into talking about her homeland for the entire lesson instead of going over the homework.
Literally all I had to do was ask Mr. Cook about word etymologies and we’d do no Latin that period. (And I’m sure this is something any secondary could do… but I swear to god, I think it’s something that young Badgers are either very good at, or very likely to use.)
I was very conservative in high school and I was taking a philosophy class with a very liberal teacher. I remember one of my conservative friends just being very outspoken and horrifying the teacher and I was just thinking are you insane? Meanwhile I’d just agree with her and even stay after class to charm her.
Badger performance I think. Doing the teacher’s pet thing. (No judgement, I did it too.)
I do manage to do my “polite mask” for strangers.
^
Acting how I don’t feel for more than a few moments is too draining, though.
Means your either a Lion or a Badger secondary.
It’s kind of confusing because I can be very combative with peers, or used to be, but I’m good at charming adults when I want to. But is that my secondary or my childhood trauma? 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’m actually really creeped out by some Lion Snakes in media and was badly victimized by a manipulative one in real life so I’m kind of scared of that being my sorting. 
I don’t get Snake from you. I do get a pretty burnt Badger secondary, a secondary that feels like it either won’t work or can’t be trusted (or both.) And over the top of that, a “charming” “supportive, caring” “friendly facade” “polite mask” that is “what I’m supposed to do.” And it’s draining you and driving you crazy because it feels like a lie, and are not good at lying. You can mirror, and you can leverage the community for help and support, but right now you’re not doing either of those things.
(you do have a pretty healthy bird secondary model though.)
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tinyboxxtink · 4 years ago
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“The Man Of Your Dreams”
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Y’all. Y’ALL. 
I was gonna make this a series but then I was like “Aw nah I can wrap it up neatly in one go”.
And that “one go” took 3 and 1/2 hours and 10 pages!!!!!!!! (on GoogleDocs anyway...) 
I went with my “keep dreaming about a man and then you go off to find him” idea.
The dating app one might be for a longer series, idk yet.
But this, this is my baby.
Like I said, I had this dream. Specifically the first and last scene. And ya’ll while I wrote the crescendo, I played Tyler Blackburn’s “Can’t Love Me.” Specifically starting at 2:11. I highly recommend playing it as you read from:
“Until out of nowhere--“Y/N???””
But that’s just me. I replayed that scene with the music about a thousand times in my head, I won’t lie to you.
I hope you love this as much as I do!!
Tag List
@wanniiieeee
@dumauier
@word-scribbless
@objection-argumentative
@chasingeverybreakingwave
------
“Oh no it’s happening again.”
“What?! No not now,”
“Yeah I feel it, the pulling,”
“Dammit! No no no…” He grabbed you on both of your sides and pulled you into his chest as tightly as he could, but you knew it wouldn’t help; You were fading, and the last words you hear were:
“I will find you!!” 
----------------
Suddenly, you woke up in your bed in a cold sweat. 
“Dammit...not again,” You shook your head. “No, no no no NO!!!!” You let yourself have a moment of breakdown, before immediately grabbing the pencil and giant pad of paper from under your bed. You had to get it down before it faded, again. The face, HIS face. You furiously filled in the lines on his face you had missed before, and you finally got the dimples on his mouth right. However, it was the eyes that drove you most insane.
Half filled in while the rest of his face was taking shape, his eyes were the one thing you could never quite get. Not that you hadn’t seen them enough, you had been having dreams about this man for over a month straight now. Every night, the same man. But it didn’t feel like dreaming, not in the slightest. It felt very much like being awake in this world, everything was so real.
He was so real.
And so, after a week of these “episodes”, you decided to yourself that this couldn’t be a coincidence, that it was NOT a mix of your subconscious making up scenarios in your head, it was real. This man existed somewhere, and you were going to find him. 
However the question of “How” was still very annoyingly present. Sure you and this man had talked about everything, seriously EVERYTHING. Likes, dislikes, career, life stories--- well, at least you were pretty sure you had.
 Some conversations in your dream world were completely crystal clear in your mind-- 
When he was six and all he wanted was a red bike, and come Christmas morning it wasn’t there. He had stormed around his mom’s apartment having a total temper tantrum until his abuelita asked him to check if she had left her keys out in the hall from last minute shopping. He opened the door to reveal a brand new, shiny red 10 speed bike propped against their doorway.
“We lived on the 10th floor, with no elevator. My mom and abuelita carried that thing up 10 flights of stairs just so I’d have a happy Christmas morning,” He had told you with tears in his eyes.
And then others, containing any real information about where to find him, were a blur. Specific details like his name, his job, even where he currently lived-- they sounded like garbled nonsense when you tried to recall them.
The Universe is a sadistic bastard.
But that conversation about the bike-- it was so specific and so detailed that there was no way your mind could have made it up. No way. But all you knew was that at some point in his childhood he lived with his mom and abuela in a 10th story apartment somewhere in New York City. That’s it. 
And one more thing that you couldn’t shake-- his touch. 
There had been a dream where he had asked to kiss you, to which you happily agreed. He had pulled you close into his arms, his hands ran through your hair as he pressed his lips against yours. And every dream since then, you two were always either holding hands or holding each other, or touching in any capacity-- as if you were both trying to memorize what it felt like.
Of course this still being “a dream”, a lot of the times your “dates” with this man were just playing out themselves, and you were blissfully unaware that they were even dreams. So you’d never think of asking “real” questions like where to meet or something. Only those few moments before you would wake would you realize “Oh that’s right, this isn’t real.” And by then it was too late.
But today was the day. You were sure of it. You had finally finished your drawing of your “dream man”, apart from the filled in eyes. Only an eyeline shaped hole rested in the middle of his perfect face. 
“Okay, that is just horrifying” You heard your roommate’s voice behind you.
“What? It’s perfect, Shi!” You defended your drawing. 
Sure you had hesitated telling your best friend of 10 years about your “situation”, but once you decided that you were going to find him, you knew you’d need her help. And so, after a very long conversation over a LOT of drinks, you had convinced her to help you. Well, reluctantly help you. 
“Well it’ll be no problem trying to find a guy with NO EYES,” She giggled.
“Shut up, I just...I can’t get them right,” 
“Can’t get them right? Girl have you or have you not told me that you have studied that man’s face EVERY night for the past 6 weeks?” 
“Yeah but….they’re so...perfect,” You sighed-- the gaping eye hole was mocking you. It was like the Universe saying “Good luck finding him without THESE!!!!” 
But you knew, you just knew in your heart of hearts that if you saw his eyes in real life, you’d know. You’d know instantly. You had this-- look, between you. The way he looked at you, the love and passion in his beautiful green eyes.
You couldn’t draw that on paper.
“Well just how do you expect us to make a “missed connection” flier with a demon looking guy like that?” 
“Look Shiloh, it’s a start ok?” 
“It’s not! You need those eyes, eyes are the most distinguishing trait on a person’s face!” She shook the paper at you.
“I know that!!!” you scoffed.
“Alright well...just, try again tonight yeah?” She put a hand on your shoulder.
“Yeah alright,”
----
The next night you did all the nightly rituals you had read and researched up on how to “lucid dream”. Eating certain foods, meditating before bed, repeating mantras as you fell asleep-- sometimes they helped you take control of the dreams, sometimes not.
But this has never happened.
-----------
You were suddenly “awake”, in a park. Wait, this wasn’t just some generic “Dream” park. You knew this park. You immediately started scanning the sights around you-- kids playing and running around, people talking on a fountain-- The fountain. You knew that fountain. Your eyes darted quicker around the scenic picture for a statute, and there it was.
This was Central Park. And not just Central Park, a very specific part of Central Park that you passed most days on your way to work. Could this just be the “coincidence” normal dream stuff seeping in? Just images of your day being played out in your REM cycle? I mean he wasn’t even--
“Dream girl,” His voice came from behind you. 
You spun to face the fountain and saw him in an off white cream colored suit, with a pink tie. His hair was in a coif, and for the first time maybe ever, you noticed him carrying a briefcase. 
“Hey you,” You smiled, pulling him into a long, deep kiss. 
“So, Central Park today huh? You know you could’ve told me that beforehand I wouldn’t have paid an Uber to drive --- blocks.” You noticed the blurb in his number. Wait, wait this wasn’t happening.
“Wait, what?” You were suddenly “awake” .
“My office? It’s just about ---- blocks that way,” He pointed forward-- South. 
His office was south from Central Park, only a few blocks away. Within walking distance.
“What else?” You grabbed him.
“What else? Baby are you ok…?” He backed up one step in concern.
“Dammit, snap out of it abogado!!!” You snapped at him, leaving you both in shock-- but for two different reasons. 
He was suddenly “awake” in this world too, but you had just called him a name in spanish that you did not know the meaning of.
“Since when do you know spanish?” He asked.
“It’s spanish? QUICK tell me what it means!!!” You shook him.
“Abogado means--” 
-----------
And he was gone. It was gone. You had been pulled suddenly from your dream world, something that had never happened before. It wasn’t even morning yet, the sun was barely peeking out from the skyline. You had never gotten that close to getting details from him, NEVER.
Maybe the Universe was catching on. 
You grabbed your phone from the charger beside you and furiously typed “Abogado” into google translate. And there it was, in black and white:
Lawyer.
This guy was a lawyer, who worked a few blocks south of Central Park. If he was real. You sighed to yourself as you put your phone down and went back to sleep.
-----------------------------
And you were in the park again. 
“Hey, there you are! Where’d you go?” the “abogado” asked you with his dreamy smile. Wait, was he “asleep” again? And why did you pick up here? He knew you were gone? WAS THIS PLACE REAL?
“ABOGADO,” You shouted at him like a crazy person.
“...You don’t know spanish, why do you know-- Oh my god,” The man was suddenly cognizant of everything.
“Baby! Aw, baby girl I’ve missed you..” He pulled you into a kiss. You let him for a second, then pulled away quickly.
“Look, I don’t know what’s happening but this--” You gestured around the park. “This is near where I live. In reality,” 
His eyes widened as he recognized where you were. “This is a few blocks from my office-- in reality,” 
“Really? Really.” You were becoming frantic.
“I mean, if this is at all real, and you’re real--” He began looking around the park.
“I’M real, are YOU real?” You couldn’t believe he was questioning YOUR existence.
“I think the fact that we’re both questioning each other’s existence, might be either brain death or some kind of reality where we both do indeed exist,” He smirked.
“God you’re smart, why did I not know this before?”
“...I don’t know, we don’t really get into details usually, do we?” 
“No but now-- oh my god, NOW,” You grabbed him again excitedly.
“Now what? Oh, I love that guy’s suit…” He peered over your shoulder.
“Rafael will you FOCUS?” You both stopped and stared at each other as soon as the name left your lips.
“...I-I’m sorry, what?” He was turning pale
“Rafael...w-why did I just call you Rafael?”
“....Rafael’s my name,” He stared at you in disbelief. He actually looked shocked that you knew his name. 
“Y/N,” He finally spoke.
“Y/N is my name!!!!” You squealed. “This is happening, this is happening Rafael!!!!” You grabbed him in a hug but he still stood there in a daze.
“Oh god are you fading?” 
“N-No, I just...you have a name,” 
“...I..yeah?” You scrunch your nose. “Did...do...do you not think I’m real?” 
“No!” He shook his head. “I mean I do think you’re real, I just...this...this hasn’t happened before,” He stroked your cheek with his thumb, staring at it while he did it. Like he was memorizing the feeling of his skin on yours.
“I know, this is the most detailed “episode” we’ve ever had,” You pressed his hand harder against your cheek, memorizing the feeling of his hands over yours. 
“Tomorrow,” He stopped stroking your face and looked at you very seriously. 
“What?” 
“I-I feel it, I’m waking up-- damn early court time,” He grumbled. “But tomorrow-- er, today,” He grabbed both of your hands and squeezed them as hard as he could.
“If we are both real, we’ll meet here at this exact spot at 3:30 today, yeah?” You could see his body slowly disintegrating in front of you like Peter Parker at the end of Infinity War.
All you could do was nod as you felt yourself waking up, but you gave everything you had to grab him in one last kiss….
-------------
BEEP BEEP BEEEP!!!!!!
Your alarm was yelling at you, but you were already wide awake. Today was the day. Today at 3:30, in Central Park, you were going to meet your dream man.
If he was real. 
-------
The minutes passed by like hours, he would pick the day you have off so you could just sit there and stare at your phone obsessively all day. Of course after you had taken at least 2 hours to make sure you looked absolutely perfect for your man. 
You wanted to look like his dream girl. 
Finally, it was 3:20. Shiloh had come home early to walk with you to the park, there was no way she was missing this. You wanted enough time to make sure you’d be there exactly at 3:30, not a minute after. You held hands with Shi as you entered the park’s gates and just a few yards away was the fountain area you had been in last night. 
“So...this is it,” Shiloh dropped your hands.
“I know....What time is it?” You shuddered with excitement.
“3:29-- you know maybe he’s not a stickler for time like you and needs to be obsessively early everywhere babe,” 
“He’s a lawyer, they’re usually pretty punctual,” You raised an eyebrow. “Plus, if he’s as excited as I am he will be here on time,” You were bouncing on your heels like a little girl.
“Well, it’s 3:30 now…” You both began to look around the area. You had brought the drawing so Shiloh had an idea of who she was looking for, although she still deemed it impossible without his eyes.
“Y’know he said he had court today, maybe it’s further away from here,” You spoke out loud, still scanning every inch of the park. You didn’t know who you were trying to convince more, Shiloh or yourself.
Every second that passed by, your heart broke into teenier tinier pieces. You felt sick to your stomach, you were shaking-- you needed to sit. 
Shiloh came and joined you on the side of the fountain and held you in her arms as the park suddenly began filling very quickly. There was some sort of event happening soon, and people were getting “good seats”.
“Wh-What? No, no you guys can’t be here!” You frantically began circling people. “How is he supposed to find me if you’re all surrounding this damn fountain? HOW?!”
“Y/N….Honey, chill…” Shiloh tried to pull you away, but you jumped onto the fountain to get away from her as the area continued to fill with people, even police began to survey the area-- they stared at you, whispering things into their walkies. They were going to ask you to get down. They were going to ask you to leave. They were going to make you lose your chance forever--- and you couldn’t have that.
“RAFAEL!!!!!!” You started screaming into the crowd. Several members of the crowd began turning and staring at you as you repeated the name over and over again, walking around on top of the fountain as you did. 
“Are you nuts you’re going to get us arrested!!”  Shiloh hissed, pulling on your arm.
“I don’t care--- RAFAEL!!!!!” You knocked her hand away and started screaming again.
“Ma’am, you’re going to need to come with us,” A Park Ranger started for your hand but you evaded it as you continued circling and screaming like an insane person.
“NO!!! I CAN’T!!!!! HE’LL BE HERE!!!! RAFAEL!!!!!!”
-------
“I mean, are you SURE it was this end of the park, Rafa?” Olivia Benson circled the same spot her and Rafael had been walking around for several minutes now. 
“Yeah, I’m sure! There was a statue--”
“There are a LOT of statues in here, Rafa. Did you see anything else in this ‘dream’?” 
“Look Liv, I appreciate you coming with me even though you don’t believe in this at all, but the snarkiness is not helping,” He folded his arms with a scowl.
“I’m sorry, I’ll--” Olivia was cut off mid-sentence by her walkie going off. “Benson.”
“Yeah hi, this is the CP patrol-- We heard you were around here, and I think we’ve got a-- what do you call it, special victim? This girl’s running around crazy yelling for some dude, I think she might be a few circuits short of a circuit board,” 
“Where are you?”
“The South Entrance by Lootney Fountain,” As those words rang out through her walkie, Rafael’s eyes widened. 
“The fountain…” He muttered, beginning to sprint across the park. “I forgot about the fountain!!!!!!”
-------
The CP Patrol had gotten you off the fountain and were trying to calm you down, but you wouldn’t stop yelling Rafael’s name. Until out of nowhere--
“Y/N???”
You’d know that voice anywhere. You jumped out of the cop’s reach and back onto the fountain where you could see over the crowd. Your eyes frantically searched when you saw a man running towards the fountain; from across the park, and then you saw his face.
It was Rafael.
The second you locked eyes, you both just stopped moving entirely. You were pretty sure you had stopped breathing. You could see everything in those big beautiful green eyes you had the hardest time putting down on paper. You saw the same thoughts running through his head as yours:
He was real. You were real.
“Y/N!!!!!!” He finally yelled, making the crowd turn to face him. He disappeared into the sea of people as you jumped down and began tearing through them like mad. 
“RAFAEL!!!!” You screamed, knocking people over left and right. He was sprinting across the lawn, more desperate to get to you than anything in his entire life.
“Y/N!!!!!!” You heard his voice again, and this time it was so much closer. So crisp and clear, just like it was in your dreams-- But this was real. It was really happening. You gave one last push through a group of stragglers to come upon a man huffing and puffing in a cream colored suit, with a pink tie. But he seemed to lose all signs of fatigue as you hurled yourself into his arms-- his real, open arms. He spun you around and kissed you deeper and harder than he ever had in any of your encounters. 
And it was real.
You felt it even more than the most detailed of dreams, his taste, the feel of his touch, his smell. You stood there locked in a kiss for several seconds, while Olivia waved off the coppers and Shiloh had broken through the crowd to see your very real dream man.
Finally, after convincing yourself to pull away from him, you looked into his eyes. His real, green eyes. You stroked his cheek while he kept the tightest grip around your waist, as if you were going to float away if he let up one second. 
“You’re real,” You blinked back tears.
“So are you,” He held back his own tears, stroking yours away from your cheeks. 
“I love you, Rafael,” You whispered, still scared to death you’d wake up at any moment.
“I love you, YN-- my dream girl,” He smiled back, pulling you into another long kiss.
That night you had normal dreams, which you didn’t mind in the slightest; because you slept in the arms of the man of your dreams.
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synstoria · 3 years ago
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My tikok experimentation
TW: marketing, bad jokes 😅
So, I am doing a lot of marketing research even if I don’t really like it; I think it’s important to do. I read many articles talking about how tiktok algorithm was favorable to game dev because it shows more easily content they are not following to people.
I tried my hand at it once:
And it took me waaaaaay too much time to do, because I am not used to video editing, not used to tiktok app AND perfectionist. Like, I wanted to make a video that matches the beats of the music, but it’s not a thing at all in tiktok videos. Unless the music is meant to have a shift at a particular point, people usually just slap a music on a video and that’s all. I also wanted to make clean screenshot, but the trend is to just film your computer screen with your phone. My perfectionnist side CAN’T do that.
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Finally, Tiktok is all about trends, so you actually have to consume a lot of tiktok vids to know which music and which kind of « memes » are trendy, which seems really time consuming, and I am already sooo busy…
At this point, I decided it was not for me and gave up.
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Later, I found yet another video about how tiktok was an incredible marketing tool, naming an account « DarkDeityGame » with a SRPG kind of game with practically no animation but a lot of sprites, so I gave it some more thinking. (Fun fact, I couldn’t find back the account, until I understand they renamed it and now the dev practically only do face cam videos.)
So a month ago, I gave it another shot; I wanted to conduct a brief experiment, so I decided to NOT publish the video on my other social media account so I would really gauge the magical algorithm. I found someone very nice specialising on videos creation (especially tiktok ones) and she was very professional. She took the time to listen to all my thought about the game and community private joke to get ideas of funny vids.
Anyway, confident in this person I commissioned her to create 8 videos for me and do some hashtag research. She created silly vids with trendy music. A friend of mine spending a lot of time on tiktok told me the vibe was here even if it was a little too static because it’s just sprite.
For example:
Or more contemplative ones:
I posted the video, with the hashtags and stuff, and I got… 3 view. Basically, only the people who were following me from the first video liked it, and same goes for every video I posted afterward except one.
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The only vid who got more than a couple of views, reach around 100 view, it was a "art process" one; I did following one Arimia’s article.
Being not an artist myself, and having an incredible artist but who doesn’t share many WIP it’s not something I can do often.
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Overall this experiment was a complete failure and waste of money. 😅
I hope at least it can help some people not doing the same mistakes, so here I some insight about the whole thing.
Why this experiment might have performed so poorly:
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As I said, I didn’t share the videos anywhere else for the purpose of the experiment, so they didn’t get any initial view boost.
It’s possible my account performed worse than excepted because I posted a video and then went afk for a few months before posting again. Some people suggest I might have been shadowban while other says tiktok gives another chance when an account rise from the dead. Some other people also said if you delete an account and recreate one just after you might get shadowban aswell.
Like any social media, there is time it’s better to post your content, problem is you can’t schedule the moment they will be posted* and I don’t want to become a slave of tiktok by putting alarms on my phone to post a video (+I am not in the USA time zone, so sometimes it’s at crazy hour for me.)
*You actually can schedule videos on tiktok :
- By having a « business account » but then you have to use the computer app who is very poor AND you can’t use most of the musics on tiktok. Since the videos were already created with trendy music when I noticed, I couldn’t use it.
- By using other apps to do it for you, but a lot of users say you might get shadowban because your videos are posted by a bot.
To avoid being « shadowban » or considered like a bot, it’s apparently better you take the time to interact with others content before and after you post the video, but I had no time to do that, and there was actually not much videos on things that do interest me.
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My two cent about the whole thing, and what you can do if you still want to try it out.
I was still impressed that out of nowhere, I could get 100 views on one of the vid without sharing the videos in anyway. If the algorithm is not as magical I thought, there is definitely something to exploit.
Visual novel just lack of movement to be used for tiktok, I think the best and easiest way is to go toward art creation process.
Humor seems to work a lot in tiktok but for reason A, if you want to make jokes, you probably have to use your voice and show your face like the amazing community manager of Among us for example.
Trend are really powerful. I was a bit salty to see on the visual novel tag a lot of vid performing extremely well... while just being someone filming their screen scrolling to show the VN they did in google slide. 😓
Forget everything I say, tiktok is impredictable, just film your screen doing stuff, and you might go viral after all :p
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sixthwater · 4 years ago
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🌼AstroThoughts🌼
This is my first (and only) post that won’t really be an observation or note post, but more of a side notes of astrology like...thing. Stuff that I personally keep in mind. This is going to be more text heavy and less fun facts, and taken from personal experiences for sources
NOTE: I am nowhere close to a professional. I’m barely even a novice. I just like dabbling in this and looking at it every once in a while and now I “know” things (also I’m watching true crime videos so if I’m jumping all over the place....yeah)
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🌻 Knowing your natal chart is imperative when taking in ‘astro observations’ or  things like that. You don’t have to know it inside or out, but knowing how your planets interact with each other and how they act within the houses will help you understand why a certain statement doesn’t resonate with you. 
If you can’t buy books, or don’t have the option to, there are a lot of other ways to go about learning: getting paid readings from astrologers you trust and using that information to help your research (for personal knowledge of course), googling various sites and putting the information together, conversing with people who share similar placements with you, or going through threads and seeing all the ways these placements can play out. Regardless it all involves using more than at least three sources and combining information for the best outcome
For example, lets take a look at my moon and my ic. When talking about childhood, people usually group up these two, which can be difficult for me because I have a Taurus Moon, and a Gemini IC, can be a little different. If you struggle with aspects to angles, finding apps that just find them for you until you get the hang of them are a good study buddy (an app I like is Charts for beginners and Time Nomad for people that are more comfortable). Just looking at aspects I can see that sun+, mars+, jupiter-, saturn+, uranus+, and pluto- are touching my ic, which sounds about right can give me a handle on how to view descriptions on childhood posts when seeing how people write up taurus and gemini. How about not looking at aspects though if that’s too difficult? Well, we can just break it down and try to pick out which descriptions fit us best with the knowledge that we have (because its our childhood, no one knows us better than us).  So considering Gem IC first; yes there was a lot of stimulation, not a strong sense of emotional stability. However I was very curious and dabbled in a lot of activities (or wanted to). I have no sense of familial bond or ‘home’ because I believe I can Make my own home where I go and it lies in the friends I make and not my family, which leads us to my Taurus Moon. Financial stability is something that was a goal, standards are set and made known, responsibility is given at a young age, etcetc. Using either method can give you better vision when reading notes like those. 
Second example: me, one friend (friend a), and another friend (friend b) are both cancer suns, venus, and virgo mars-- but we all give off completely different energies. Why is that? Well: friend a has her mars in her first house, her sun is in the 11th, and a sag moon in 4th. friend a can be polarizing and is not afraid to be aggressive even if she’s a very open and friendly person. Friend b has her sun in the 8th house, a scorpio moon in 11th, and mars in the 9th. Friend b is “goth”, except she’s goofy as all hell. Many people flocked to her in hs despite being open about wanting to be a mortician and her interests in those areas. I have a 6th house stellium which includes my sun, a taurus moon in 3rd, and mars in 8th. Its a running joke that I’m all set to be a housewife, my anger isnt as in your face as theirs and I’m more anxious. 
In conclusion: Not everything is covered obviously, but your aspects, ascendants and their rulers, placements, etc---all of that needs to be taken into account before you see a statement and think about how that applies to you and in what way it might! Observations or research aren’t necessarily straight up wrong, it just might be something in your chart getting in the way of that planet/aspect and making it display itself differently. This also is what makes me doubt astrology a lot but its fun as hell and nothing is real so
💫Synastry is completely subjective. There is no right or wrong overlay, aspect---anything. Once again, it depends on your chart (and regardless of astrology, just who you are as a person) for what is going to work with your relationship. Obviously share your experiences as it helps other people be able to get a grasp on how it might (keyword: Might) impact them if they have similar placements, but you still have to remember there is a separate person with a separate chart and their own mind involved in this as well
There is no easier or harder aspect or overlay. As people have said before: if you have a natal chart full of harsh aspects, if you get into a relationship that is made up of harsh aspects, it’s not going to shake you. Whereas if your chart has trines and sextiles, it might be a little wake-up call to your system that you have to work in order to keep this going. For overlays, if you have a strong placement or stellium in one house, you might either find yourself loving that overlay since you’re used to it, or find it boring because you already have that stimulation in your life so you want something else.
Ex; For personal placements that I tend to be attracted to, I see a pattern of them being cancer, scorpio, gemini, fire signs. Cancer = Cancer stellium with an exalted moon. Scorpio = Mars in the 8th house. Gemini = 3rd house moon & Gemini IC. Leo = My DSC, Sagittarius = My MC, and my 11th house. Aries = ? Its intercepted and I really have no actual fire placements besides angles so I’m probably seeking what I lack. So if we use me as an example or a beginning point-------Cancer and Gemini placements are ones that I feel comfortable with. I’m familiar with them and I feel like I can let my guard down around them. Geminis in particular I believe can give me stimulation which is something I seek for emotional comfort. For Leos, I tend to exhibit those qualities myself, so it can be a bit of love/hate, but it’s not unwelcome, while for Sagittarius I tend to enjoy being around because I like their energy and how they interact with the world. Can they be a lot? Absolutely, but I’m also very “docile” in comparison, and they push me to not be. Aries I tend to get into arguments with a Lot, but I don’t shy away from them because they hold a lot of qualities that I, once again, want to hold within myself. Lastly, Scorpios are cute. They’re not intimidating as often described they just love a lot and are very sensitive and aren’t stupid enough to give out the love they know they can if they know it won’t be given back, which is something I find adorable when witnessed and an easy bullying point if they’re a close friend or relative. 
Fun test for beginnings or people who want to learn: can you take this small passage and link it back to my placements and see how they connect?
So for me, I might be comfortable with water overlays, I have multiple fire overlays with my friends...and that’s about it. there are scattered air and earth overlays, but I barely feel those. One of those would be a constant 7th house overlay which is hilarious because 7th house is always seen as god’s gift to overlays, but I (personally) don’t feel it at all. That would be because that’s not the most important planet/sign/aspect in my own natal chart, so I don’t place importance on it without even trying. 
🚀Signs =/= Houses necessarily. Yeah they’re associated with each other for a reason, or else we’d be going around saying Pisces is in charge of finances and wealth, but at the same time they are not interchangeable. This is mainly about when you need to take in information about how a placement is acting and what to be looking for to recognize it, especially when the descriptions for a sign and a house are Completely different--it’s all about picking things apart and finding what you need (again).
Now this bullet I’m much less confident about, so 100% do your research behind me before just taking in information, but it’s a a lot like how sun signs and sun houses will display and manifest themselves a Lot differently because their key qualities are focused on different things.
Let’s tease my favorite scorpio placements for this one to bring it full circle! My dad is a scorpio, meanwhile my best friend has her sun in the 8th house. You would 100% guess my friend to be the scorpio and my dad something else (more a mutable sign). My dad is very stubborn and Extremely giving and loving with the people that he lets into his life. I’m  also pretty sure if he finds out I’m talking about him publicly like this he’s going to whine for at least two minutes too. However if you cross him, he won’t forget, like ever. He’s a big baby though like he’s harmless even though he doesn’t look it. My Friend However, she is not harmless. As I mentioned before: interested in mortuary science (became a mortician), fave series are ones like tokyo ghoul and laughed reading junji ito, doesn’t shy away from dark topics, once threatened me loudly in a public space without hesitating because she wanted me to be okay and has actually gotten into a couple of tiny fights when younger. The things they do have in common though is that they hold onto things about themselves that “aren’t important” and I have to drag it out of them (and they end up being very upsetting), they feel things very intensely, they are some of the sweetest people I have ever met and their loyalty is Unmatched.
So like I said, there is a reason the signs are matched to the houses, but they cannot exactly always just be replaced with each other and it depends on the context and what you’re reading or looking for of course! A really good post I love on sun signs for this is actually written up by @lilmajorshawty​, and they have a lot of good posts that I like to go back and refer to!
These are all the things that I could think of currently, so if you have anything you want to add feel free I will not be looking, but if you did read this entire thing: you have a lot of patience, thank you. Enjoy your day!
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renga week day 4: cindereki
Cindereki stared around the room, looking for Prince Langa, but he was nowhere to be seen. Her prince had just found her and then he was taken away by an evil emperor. She had finally found happiness only for it to be stripped from her. How typical.
Cindereki fell to her knees reaching out to where Prince Langa had stood seconds before.
“Wait...Langa....don’t go...”
She heard a murmur of voices, but they were too distant to understand. She was Cindereki, a poor servant girl, who had fallen in love with skating, and fallen in love with the prince. She would get him back if it was the last thing she did.
“I’m Cindereki!” She started but never finished because her surroundings were becoming kinda fuzzy. She tries to open her mouth again, but it feels like her teeth are lined with glue. What was happening? And so Cindereki pushes herself to call out for Langa but ends up waking herself up.
“PRINCE LANGA!” Reki yells as he wakes up, startling Koyomi. They make eye contact for the longest ten seconds of his life before she bursts out laughing. Reki’s face burns like a forest fire, and he’s sure it's the same color as his hair.
“Oh- oh haha, oh my god! You just had a dream about your best friend!” she dissolves into giggles. “Haha- oh my- what's Cindereki by the way?” she asks, eyeing the book in his lap.
Reki, face hot enough to cook an egg, stutters out. “I- I was Cinderella, and so my name was C-cindereki.”
Koyomi clutches her stomach again, laughter echoing through the room. Reki wishes he could skateboard into the sun and never reappear.
“Not a word,” Reki hisses to his sister.
“Ok, my lips are sealed.” she mimics zipping her lips. “At least until I want a new book. Or a new shirt. Or a game, or a snack, or a-” she rambles with a smirk.
“Ok, ok, ok that's enough with the blackmail!” Reki cries.
“Thanks, Cindereki,” Koyomi calls as she leaves the room, laughing behind her hand.
“Thanks, Cindereki,” Reki mocks.
Reki slides back down to his spot on the floor. The book lay forgotten a few feet from him. He picks it up, glancing at his sleeping little sisters around him, before opening up the book. He flips through the pages, glancing at the parts that he remembers from his dream. He laughs at the memory of Shadow, Miya, and Cherry fighting in their dresses. He then remembers Muscle Magic Joe and wonders what's going on inside his head for him to think that up. And why was the guy from the love hotel Langa’s advisor? Adam’s narration sends shivers down his spine.
Even in my dreams he still comes for me. Reki thinks. The image of Langa reaching out for him and Adam spins him faster and faster pops into his head. It makes him think of when Adam trapped Langa in his spinning turn back during their beef and Langa used it against him. Then the memories of their fight surface and Reki wishes to banish them from his head. But then he remembers the soft and tender smiles Langa gave him yesterday when they were skating. His face burns again like it did when Langa called him amazing. The way Dream Langa said “so pretty” is the same voice Langa talked to him with last night. Reki smiles at the thought.
Then a thought hits him. Do I like Langa?
Pulling out his phone he prays Google can help. He begins to type something out. How do I tell if I like someone? He clicks on the first article that pops up and reads the first few lines.
“You find yourself wishing for more time with the other person.” the article reads. Check, Reki thinks.
“You're wanting to text them all the time.” Check.
“Everything makes you think about them.” And that hurt so much during our fight. But check, nonetheless.
“Everything feels more exciting,” Langa said it first, but check.
Does- does this mean I like him? Reki thinks, the phone screen illuminating his shocked face. He types another thing into the search bar. What does it mean if you have a dream about someone?
“Dreaming about someone means you are feeling lonely, sad, or used.” He had felt like that during their fight. Check.
“You deeply miss someone, but they do not have the same feelings.” He knew Langa had missed him, but did he have feelings for Reki? Did Reki have feelings for Langa? Check (to be determined???).
“You struggle with moving on from this person and think about them constantly.” He did think about Langa almost all the time. Check.
“The good news is that they are likely also thinking about you, even if they don't show any signs.” Langa never shows any signs that he's thinking about anything, Reki thinks fondly, but everything he said yesterday had the certainty of someone who had thought of it before. So, check?
Reki pausing before typing his next question. This time a small box doesn't pop up, but he clicks the first link.
The title reads “How to tell if you are gay?”
~
The next morning Reki rushes to get out the door despite not going to sleep until three AM. He may know about his crush on Langa now, but he's determined to keep things the same between them. At least until he’s pretty sure it's not one-sided.
Reki stayed up early into the morning researching things and trying to sort through the thoughts in his head. Finally, at two AM, Reki came to the conclusion that he was a raging bisexual and had a big fat crush on his best friend. He then spent the next hour trying to process it all before he passed out due to mental and physical exhaustion.
When Reki woke up, he didn't remember right away but then it hit him like a freight train, and he was filled with excitement and adrenaline. He was out the door in almost twenty minutes. His family was stunned by his rapid speed compared to his slow pace yesterday, but Reki didn't pay them any mind.
As he skates to their meeting spot Reki swears his heartbeat quickens with every kick of his foot. How am I going to act around Langa? Do I pretend like things were normal or am I supposed to be acting differently now? Reki tried to picture himself like one of the girls confessing to Langa, but he just shook his head to get rid of the thought, his dream from last night still fresh in his mind.
As Langa came into view Reki let his look linger for a bit too long, letting himself admit that Langa looked pretty. That he looked beautiful. Then he smiled and slowed as he neared Langa. He held out his arm and their hands met for their dap.
Reki wondered if one day he could hold that hand, but then Langa was asking what course he wanted to skate, and then there was no more time for thinking. Only time for the infinity of skating.
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fandomlurker · 4 years ago
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A Ponderous Rewatch: Pavlov’s Mice and Cameo
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So thanks to Tumblr nerfing my ability to make an admittedly absurdly long post combining the previous episode rewatch with this one, I had to do this entry in two parts.
But at least now we’re in for the real treat: The first episode in airing order that’s animated by TMS Entertainment. And hey, even the Animaniacs show itself seems to acknowledge that this is special, because theme song rhyme is…
We're Animanie! Totally insane-y!~
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Pinky and the Brainy!~
…which hasn’t been done since their debut. So this is gonna be fun.
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Might as well get this out of the way, then, since this episode obviously involves Ivan Pavlov. I think most people who know of Pavlov through cultural osmosis pretty much know him as just “that one scientist who got dogs to respond to the sound of bells as if they were being offered food”. This is what happened, but it’s only part of the story. In reality, Ivan Pavlov was doing research on the physiology of digestion in dogs and he noticed one day that the dogs he was studying started to drool in the mere presence of the lab technician who regularly fed them even if the technician didn’t have food with them. Pavlov developed a way to redirect the dogs’ digestive juices outside of the body so that they could be measured, and then he ran some conditioning experiments to see if he could get them to salivate in response to external stimuli that had nothing to do with food, like ringing a bell.
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The year in the title card, 1904, was the year Ivan Pavlov was awarded the Nobel Prize for the previously mentioned experiments, which he published the results of in “The Work of the Digestive Glands” in 1897. Basically, by 1904 he was done with his work with dogs and he moved on to experimenting with mice…at least according to this article in National Geographic by Virgina Hughes.
With that, let’s begin the episode proper.
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“At the dawn of the 20th century, Russian scientist, Ivan Pavlov, trained animals through his technique of conditioned reflex” says the narrator as we zoom in on a laboratory with Pavlov and our lovable mouse duo.
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“Time to earn your dinner, my little mousey friends!”
It’s interesting how Pinky is the one that flinches uncomfortably at the loud sound of the gong while Brain simply snaps into his conditioned response. And that response? Uhhh…
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“I’m a little teapot, short and stout.~”
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“This is my handle, this is my spout.~”
(Is he…you know…?)
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“When I get all steamed up, hear me shout!~”
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“Tip me over and pour me out.~”
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Oh no… This is a cute and funny scene and all, but when you know about Brain’s canonical issues with how he hates not being in control of a situation and all the traumas he’s endured (for those of you not in the know, yes, Brain does have a lot of trauma in his backstory that we learn about much later, both in the 90s spin-off and the reboot) regarding both general control and losing family and friends…there’s a bitter tinge to this scene.
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He’s so embarrassed and humiliated.
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He takes the cheese but he is positively fuming with rage, and I can’t exactly blame him from what I know about him.
This is made all the worse by Pinky’s innocent reaction to Brain’s little song and dance.
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“Hahahahaha! Wonderful! Hahaha! EGAD, Brain, I could watch you do that dance all day! Haha, narf!”
For Pinky, this is harmless silliness and he gets to see Brain sing and dance and “have fun”, which is not a usual occurrence. But for Brain? Well...
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“You have watched it all day, Pinky. Sixty-one times, to be exact. It’s a conditioned reflex to that infernal gong.”
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“I’m powerless to stop it!”
Well, Brain, at the very least it’s not like you were a part of a more inhumane experiment like one regarding, say, learned helplessness or anything. …Oh wait. Whoops. (For those sensitive to animal abuse, I suggest refraining from clicking on the second link, and caution against clicking on the first if even more clinical text descriptions of such would upset you. The third link is spoilers for the reboot.)
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All that aside, it seems like it’s Pinky’s turn. He gets the more traditional bell chime for his stimulus.
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And the result is him going into an uncontrollable and very enthusiastic Slavic folk dance.
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With violent results. I hope you appreciate that last screencap, as the animation goes by so quickly I had a lot of trouble isolating the part where Pinky kicks Brain and he goes flying.
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Pinky is all too happy to get a reward of cheese, his favourite food, for doing something that he has no memory of.
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“What’cha doin’ over there, Brain?”
“Contemplating your afterlife, Pinky.”
That’s not exactly fair, Brain, you know he has no control over this. To Brain’s credit, though, he doesn’t bop him or anything for kicking him involuntarily.
Pavlov leaves, playfully saying that he hopes the mice dream of cheese tonight, and the mice are immediately down to business.
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“At last, he’s gone.”
“Now we can begin our conquest of the world!”
We’re already back to it being “our” conquest of the world, eh?
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“Behold my latest creation, Pinky: The Vacuum-o-nator.”
Brain has never been good with naming things, has he? At least, not so far. I wonder if this will continue throughout the franchise?
Pinky is certainly very happy and impressed, though.
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“It uses reverse air pressure to vacuum everything toward it.”
You know, I was just about to roast Brain for thinking that making a very odd version of a vacuum cleaner was such a brilliant thing, but then I remembered that this takes place in 1904. The vacuum cleaner as we know it was “invented independently by British engineer Hubert Cecil Booth and American inventor David T. Kenney” in 1901 according to Wikipedia, and portable vacuums were available to the general public starting in 1905.My apologies, Brain, that actually is very impressive.
Although, this all hinges on if the viewer considers episodes that take place in the past and/or at different locations than Acme Labs California to be mere Alternate Universe/What If? stories or Brain and Pinky using some kind of time machine to go to a different place and time for these episodes. (Before you tell me that this is just a cartoon and sicc the Please, Please Get a Life Foundation on me, I do this to have fun and maybe educate myself and the reader along the way. I promise I have a life. Barely.)
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“Are you thinking what I’m thinking, Pinky?”
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“Uhh… Yeah, Brain! But where are we gonna find rubber pants our size?”
Pinky, that’s… Listen, folks, don’t make the same mistake I did and google “rubber pants”. It’s not what you think it is. You will be disappointed.
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BONK!
Seems like you’re enjoying yourself there, Pinky.
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“No, Pinky. We’re going to use the Vacuum-o-nator to steal Russia’s crown jewels!”
Man, the animation for even this one small proclamation by Brain is so, so good. Brain standing authoritatively and holding the pen like a scepter or spear, the grand sweep of his arm as he says “no”, the serious and slightly menacing expression on his face, a violent and grabby swing of his arm on the word “steal”,  and a dramatic point and look up towards the sky when he finishes. TMS does great work, folks.
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“Narf! Genius, Brain!”
Look at Brain’s satisfied smile at Pinky’s simple compliment. Remember what I said earlier about Brain going through his explanations to show off to and  impress Pinky? At this point I’m absolutely convinced that that’s why Brain turns up the theatrics more than necessary when going through his plans. After all, Pinky is (oddly and rather sadly) the only one in-universe who thinks Brain is a genius and a good person.
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…Of course, the effect can sometimes be lessened by subsequent innocent bumbling.
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“Turn it off, Pinky.”
He says this so exasperatedly yet so deadpan at the same time, it’s great.
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“Oh! Right-o!”
Even Pinky immediately knows that he fucked up.
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“Zort! Whew! Wild hairdo, Brain! Heh heh, I like it.”
He even pets Brain’s “hairdo”, aww. And though I personally could take or leave the ‘do, I like the pointed, sharp look this mishap’s given to his ears.
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BONK!
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“Now I feel cleansed.”
Okay, this one might have been a little too much, Brain.
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“But Brain, aren’t the crown jewels always guarded by giant Cossacks?”
Well, Pinky, from what I know Cossacks were usually used extensively in the police force and as border guards during this time, so I guess that’s possible?
Brain picking the lock with the pen is a fun little detail.
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“Don’t worry about the guards… For tonight, Pinky, at precisely 1 am, there’s a total lunar eclipse. “
Again, this is probably not a thing the average person could look up quickly and easily in the 90s and the writers most likely didn’t care about accuracy here, but there were no total lunar eclipses in 1904. There were some penumbral lunar eclipses in March and September of that year, though. Just a fun fact for you folks.
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“The Earth’s shadow will completely cover the moon, blacking out all of St. Petersburg for a period of 30 seconds.”
Brain…?!? Brain, how did you get the diagram on that piece of paper to animate like that? What kind of Harry Potter-style magic bullshit is this?
I know this is a cartoon and all and I’m not truly upset but this honestly came out of nowhere and made me do a double-take.
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“In that brief time, we will sneak past the Czar’s guards under the cover of darkness and steal the crown jewels…for he who controls the jewels controls Mother Russia!”
More dramatics!
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“But…I thought your mother’s name was Désirée?”
I love Brain’s pose here. Very grumpy and sassy.
As for Pinky’s comment: We do get to meet Brain’s parents way later in the spin-off, though neither are addressed by any name. I’m taking this joke as canon anyway because it’s funny.
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Well, well, well… Looks like we’re shaking things up a bit with an inking instead of a bonk. That’s gonna be a pain to get out of his white fur, though.
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“Soon, Pinky, I will rule Russia…so from now on, call me Czar.”
Another sassy hand-on-hip pose.
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“Right-o, Brain!”
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“—eek! Czar Brain!”
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“Come along, Pinky… Conquest awaits!”
Nice to know that despite the inking, Pinky’s still following him anyway. Plus he’s doing it with that fond look on his face again. Hmm…
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What follows is a cute and ingenious sequence of Brain launching Pinky and himself through an open window via the spring force of a mousetrap. It goes by very quickly, but I just wanted to highlight a few things I managed to notice while pausing through it. Kudos to the animators again for these little details.
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Pinky’s the one that wraps one arm around Brain’s shoulders so that Brain has both hands free to spring the mousetrap properly and so that they’ll be launched together.
Interestingly enough, Pinky’s the cautious one who braces for impact right away while Brain gleefully flies through the air with his arms outstretched.
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The “camera” changes perspective and while Brain is still boldly flying forward with confidence, Pinky is still worried but has now opened his eyes as they fly towards the window.
Pinky’s still holding onto Brain and the Vacuum-o-nator as tight as he can. As they get closer to the window, however…
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…Pinky seems to realize he’s going to smash into the wall above the window if he doesn’t let go, so he lets go of Brain. Brain doesn’t realize where his trajectory is taking him.
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Pinky angles himself downward and through the open window, but it’s too late for Brain.
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WHAM! RIP, Brain.
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But his pain is not done! It looks like Pinky’s landing was in the soft snow. Meanwhile, Brain slides down onto the window and through the opening, only to bash into the lid of a garbage can, much to Pinky’s concern.
Then Brain falls headfirst into the snow.
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And finally, Brain is clonked on the head by the same garbage can lid, which makes a loud gong noise. Someone get this poor mouse some Aspirin.
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But since there was a gong noise, you all know what that means!
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Cutely, Pinky joins in on the dance in the middle of it.
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“Ha! Oh that was fun, Czar Brain! But let’s give it another go, right? Only this time with feeling!”
Man, that side-eye at the beginning from Brain…
Pinky’s body language is great in this episode, too. The gleeful flapping of his arms and feet and the “with feeling” gesture are fantastic examples of his more open and energetic nature coming through.
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Oh hey, there’s that one shot of Brain being ticked off used in the spin-off theme song! I can’t exactly blame him for his anger here. He just went through a lot of pain in a short amount of time and was then involuntarily made to humiliate himself. Pinky doesn’t mean to be mean here—he genuinely wants to have some sing and dance fun with Brain—but it’s gotta sting to have the humiliation highlighted.
Pinky still doesn’t deserve a bonking for it, though. But it’s slapstick, so he’s fine.
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Heh, “deliveries to rear” indeed.
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Oh, are those jingle bells on a sleigh that I see?
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Uh oh…
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“No, Pinky… Not now!”
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It cannot be stopped, Brain. He must dance!
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Another quick detail as Brain launches himself at Pinky’s midsection to either topple him over or hold him still to get Pinky to stop.
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Alas, Pinky’s dancing is too strong.
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OUCH!
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The face of regret.
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His punishment is swiftly thwarted, though.
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“…That was unpleasant.”
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They take a different and more uneventful ride on a hay wagon to the palace.
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I love the exaggerated perspective going on here.
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Peekin’.
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“We made it inside, Brain!”
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“…’Czar Brain’.”
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“Czar Brain.”
He says it so quietly and sweetly, aww.
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“Yes, Pinky. There are fleeting moments when I even amaze myself.”
I…don’t know if it’s much of an accomplishment yet, Brain. Settle that ego down a bit.
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Oh, that’s some classic Looney Tunes-style sneaking animation there.
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Wait, why is the door to the treasure room just open behind them? Czar Nicolas II, what gives?
Speaking of…
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Hello, Czar Nicolas II. I hope you’re enjoying your “eclipse party”. You only have another 14 years or so to live it up, after all.
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“In just a few minutes, it’ll be totally dark and scary. OooOOoo!~ But don’t anyone touch me, I have cooties!”
I, uhhh. Okay, then.
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Same, boys. Same. Best to get down to business.
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“Behold the crown jewels of Mother Russia, Pinky. World conquest will soon be ours!”
Again, world conquest is “ours” and not just Brain’s. Also you can just tell Pinky’s thinking “I’m going to wear so much of this jewelry!”
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“Now, Brain?”
“Not yet. Wait for the total eclipse.”
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Speaking of…
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“Complete darkness, Pinky. Start the Vacuum-o-nator…”
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“NOW!”
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That gonging noise is an interesting choice for a chime. Surely this ornate clock is only an omen of good things for our duo.
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Pinky, you’re swooning again. And Brain…
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Oh no.
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Another clock! Who’d have thought Russian nobility loved clocks so much? This one has a more pleasant bell chime, though.
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…Oh NO!
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Well, looks like things are going to hell pretty quickly.
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Goodbye, boys.
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Goodbye, Czar Nicolas II! You might wanna look out for a man named Grigori Rasputin in the future, okay?
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Nice hat, Brain.
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“Whu--? The eclipse is over? Narf! What happened, Brain?”
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BONK!
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“Zort! I mean, Czar Brain.”
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“We failed again, Pinky… But just wait until tomorrow night!”
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“Why? What are we going to do tomorrow night, Brain?”
“What else, Pinky?: Try to take over the world!”
It was a nice try, boys, but honestly I don’t know how you were going to fit all those crown jewels into that tiny improvised vacuum bag, anyway.
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One last cute little detail in this episode is our mousey duo jumping up with enthusiastic determination in front of the silhouette of the moon on the last note of the theme reprise. One day, you guys. One day…
Oh! And before I forget, have another short cameo from “Plane Pals”. It’s a tiny one.
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Pinky and the Brain steal a sheep off of an airplane. For what purpose? Who knows? But that’s it. I’m kind of wondering if the writers wanted to make a running joke of them making cameos to steal random things for world conquering purposes and just sort of gave up.
Anyway, so ends our recap for this post. It sure was a long one, but what can I say? There were some very cute details that needed to be shared. Have we learned anything new this time? Well, I mean, besides historical trivia.
Brain thinks both he and Pinky are great actors, despite his own near inability to lie and keep up an innocent pretense. Oh, he can be sarcastic, sure, but he can’t seem to manage to stop himself from revealing that he’s out for world  domination whenever he has an audience.
For the first time we see Brain’s annoyance and humiliation resulting from him being a lab mouse. Though it’s on the more subtle side at the moment, Brain seemed extra grumpy and violent during that last     episode because of the conditioning he’s unwillingly gone through. I’m     curious to see if there are any more examples of this before we reach an  episode touching on his origin story. Or…one of his origin stories, at     least. There’s around four of them last I checked and all but one of them  can reasonably fit into the others.
Pinky is truly beginning to show how much he adores Brain, which is nice. Beforehand we knew he was down with his world domination plans for whatever reason and also that he thinks Brain’s plans are great and ingenious. Now, though, we’ve gotten to the point of him literally swooning at Brain and his plans. Something’s definitely brewing there.
Next time: We get some more substantial cameos, join our mouse duo on a Fort Knox heist, and meet a new character that is both pretty important to the “lore” of the show going forward…but also doesn’t appear in person after their introductory episode until the very end of the Animaniacs and Pinky and the Brain spin-off run.
See you then!
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bellatrixxue · 4 years ago
Text
Xue’s Supernatural Dare: Wendigo (S1 EP2)
Hello, everyone? How did everyone feel about the finale? Yes? Yes? Oh. Oh. Oh my. Oh, dear.
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell that half-assed homophobic chicken-shit fuckbucket’s not gonna stop me, since I strapped myself onto this roller coaster already and I promised I’m not getting out until the ride’s over, so here we go, wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Also, those who are in this roller coaster with me, ready? Tag list is: @fangirlxwritesx67​ @amazingiam00​ @kalliravenne​ @indecisive20something​ @2musiclover2​ @impossibletosleepthrough @there-must-be-a-lock​ @wingedcatninja​ @arvit​
Oh my gods this recap is so cheesy I actually can make a fondue out of it. 2000s, everybody!
A WHOLE MINUTE AND A HALF FOR THAT FONDUE
FUCKJUMPSCARETITLEFUCKYOU
So we’re starting the episode with the murder scene first, eh? Is that gonna be a trend?
Oh come on, Chads, you’re out in nature and you’re playing video games? Absorb the nature...before it absorbs you!
Waitwait. Holy shit is that...is that Cory Monteith? Oh, bless his soul...
If the wendigo eats his dick as he’s peeing I’m immediately giving Jensen Ackles $100. For no real reason, I just feel like giving him money for already carrying the show on his back.
I can’t tell if it did or not, so I’m not paying yet.
Aw, Sammy...
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"I should have told you the truth.” *Vine voice* BUT YOU DIDN’T
FUCKYOUINTHEASSHOhnightmare. Nightmare. So did he visit her at her grave or not? I need answers.
A week? Goddamn. Poor thing. That man-eating tree’s fucking good at his job, man.
“There’s nothing there, it’s just...woods,” Sam, I don’t know if Jess’s death hit you hard or if you got into law school by eating some ancient dick and/or pussy instead of earning that high score fair and square, but the woods “in the middle of nowhere” (your words) are known to be one of the top places full of weird-ass creatures. Even kindergartners know that.
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Ehehehehehehehehe he’s so smol next to his lil bro my lil shit
At least you’re coming up with decent covers this time. No Agent Mulder and Scully ruining things for you this time around.
“Bull” oop-
Oh Dean’s a smoooooooooth operator. Good going, buddy.
AND HE GOT A COPY OF THAT DOCUMENT TEAM DEAN TEAM DEAN
Oh that death really got to Sam. I hope he doesn’t turn out to be a trigger-happy psycho. Or eat the man-eating tree and become one himself.
Oh, Haley’s a cutie! Which one’s her brother? Cory? Discount Enrique Iglesias?
Do you have a card for EVERY profession, Dean? And how do I get them too?
That is a very pretty car. I bet they wasted half the budget on that thing.
Okay, sonny boy, little bro, Broseidon, calm down.
Ah, fuck, Haley and Broseidon is gonna go into the woods, that’s more heads to worry about.
How the fuck does Sam find information this fast? I’m impressed, I take five hours to get to one article for my research paper. Or maybe I’m just lazy. So he really earned his law school interview without having to eat dick and pussy, huh.
Every 23 years? What is this, Pennywise? Are we going to see the wendigo do his best Tim Curry do his best scary clown impression? Honk honk?
“Whatever that thing is, it can move.” And the sun rises on the East, Sammy. Why are you so smart and dumb at the same time? Is this his character trait? It might grow on me.
Ahhh, so Sam’s go-to move at interrogation is doing puppy dog eyes and sympathize with the person. He’d make a good lawyer, shame that man-eating tree.
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Go Grandpa Exposition, go!
Go Grandpa Exposition, go, give us information and none at all!
OH GEEZ THAT SCAR. PENNYWISE WENDIGO IS VICIOUS.
Skinwalker, Back Dog...Ooh, those all sound cool! I hope we get to see them soon!
‘Corporeal’ doesn’t sound like a real word, but then again, English doesn’t sound like a real language. Sorry. Moving on.
Sam’s gonna eat the wendigo with that attitude, Jesus Christ.
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AND HIS BROTHER, AT THIS RATE. If the real villain turns out to be inside Sam all along I’m gonna flip. Is that why women keep dying and burning on ceilings where he sleeps? Is he secretly Lucifer’s spawn or something?
“Oh sweetheart I don’t wear shorts”. They queer-coded him from the start and they tried to make you believe he was straight for fifteen seasons straight? And some people bought that?
Oh, crap, another crappy death treatment for Cory before he got into Glee...No, I wasn’t into Glee, I just watched a few episodes and I might hate Rachel Berry...And Lea Michele...ahem...
Dean is totally flirting with Roy shut upppppppp
OOP AND THERE ROY GOES OH THE SEXUAL TENSION IS HIGH IN THESE WOODS TODAY
“It’s probably the most honest I’ve been with a woman. Ever.” See. Bi. Bi bi bi.
So...why the coordinates, Daddy Negan? Is this a portal to Hell? A place where man-eating trees grow?
*carefully places death flag on Roy*
Ooooh the campsite is very...haunted house-y. You know what I’m saying?
That’s not Discount Enrique Iglesias, but Pennywise wendigo, yes? Those things can mimic human voices, right?
*Google searches*...There are so many versions of this tale I can’t even confirm or deny it. Dammit.
Maybe Pennywise wendigo just wants some snacks and a nice phone and GPS? Maybe he misses his family in uh, Canada or something?
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Daddy Negan’s journal is  a e s t h e t i q u e .
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I’m so sorry, but the way Sammy smirks as he speaks with those dark, dark voids for eyes? My boy’s a demon. He’s a demon, I’m telling you.
At least Haley has some sense to her. *puts another death flag on Roy*
*PUTS YET ANOTHER DEATH FLAG ON ROY*
True, that. What the heck is Daddy Negan up to with all of this?
“Saving people, hunting things, the family business!” Okay, the way Dean said it gave me chills.
I can actually empathize with Sam here...As whiny and bitchy as he is, he has his reasons to be this way. I guess if I were in his shoes, I’d be less of a Dean and more of a Sam, too. We deal with our losses quite similarly.
Ah, the brotherly bonding moments like these little talks make the show worth it. It’s so heartwarming.
Pennywise wendigo! I didn’t miss you, why’re you here to burst my happy bubble?
I’m starting to see a slight parallel between Haley and Broseidon and Dean and Sammy. Hmm.
Nice meeting you, Roy. Zoop you go.
Haley and Broseidon are taking this rather well, I’m glad they do.
Okay, actual exposition time, thank you.
Whoa, Broseidon speaks! Donner Party! Please don’t remind me of that! Those poor people!
Hibernation and food storage. Delightful, just delightful.
TORCHING? *CALLS RAMMSTEIN*
Somehow, not being able to see the wendigo is scarier to me than what I will probably see itself. Limited budget horror can actually work well.
Oh, dear, Roy literally did a death drop. Badum tissssssssss.
FUCK IT TOOK DEAN THE ONLY CHARACTER I CARE ABOUImean I love you too, Sam! Come on, let’s find him before it’s too late!
A trail of M&Ms! Yes, Broseidon! And Hansel and Gretel refercalled it. Sammy, you and I share the same wavelength?
SHITSHITTHEYTRIPPEDANDFELLINTHEFUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
Thank the gods the Pennywise wendigo kept them right there. Chances.
DISCOUNT ENRIQUE IGLESIAS IS STILL ALIVE GEEZ BUT ALSO PHEW
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Ah, Dean Winchester, I love you so much that I can’t even begin to describe it.
Also how convenient that the flare guns are there. Deus ex machina!
Haley would bode well as a hunter, look at her courage, her will. There are more hunters around than Daddy Negan and the brothers, right?
Yeah, seeing the actual wendigo makes me less scared of it now. It’s unnerving, but still.
TEAM DEAN YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAW
Graphics are...alright, but it’s the thought that counts!
Running with the grizzly bear story. Smart Broseidon. Ben. Sorry, you deserve to be called by your real name. I think with practice they could become good hunters, along with their Discount Enrique Iglesias brother! Is there a fanfiction for that? Can I write it now?
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...
I AM WILLING TO DIE TO PROTECT DEAN WINCHESTER I
Haley’s a lesbian, that’s why she kissed him on the cheek only. Headcanoned. Also I have a crush on her, she’s really pretty? Like? Heart eyes???
Ah, the siblings parallels again. Let’s hope neither of the two brothers end up in the bed like that.
“Man, I hate camping.” Really. Really really. Really.
“I’m driving”
...
SAM WINCHESTER I’M SORRY I EVER SPOKE ILL OF YOU I WILL PROTECT YOU WITH MY LIFE TOO I PROMISE YOU I WILL
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It’s just a sassy bisexual brother and his little snide bisexual brother on the road to kill evil creatures and find their father and I love this show? Help? Help???
I really, really see the charm of Supernatural now! I’m fully invested in both brothers and their story, and I’m cheering them both on! Let’s get Daddy Negan back and get rid of that man-eating tree once and for all!
Six stars out of five!
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
This dare is introducing me to a whole new world, and I really, really am glad I took that jump a few days ago, man!
Thank you everyone for reading my ramblings, and I’ll see you in the day after with the next review! Thank you for sticking with me! Buh-bye!
- Xue
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