#i kinda feel like i may have made badgersecs sound a little evil here

[wisteria-lodge]

burned lion primary + burned badger secondary (unhealthy badger performance) (bird model)

I’ve figured out my primary, I think. Burned Lion with Bird model and an unhealthy Badger model from my parents that I’m trying to drop. I think my secondary is pretty burned (neurodivergence and trauma) and I’m having the worst time figuring it out because I feel like I use bits of everything. I’ve tried looking at my childhood but I don’t have a great memory of it and I burned at some point in middle school or before so there’s not a lot to go on.

I do tend to jump into things quickly but my father always told me never to make decisions based on enthusiasm

Oooh, your dad’s not a Lion. I will be on the look out for some (Bird or Badger) models, especially since I know you’re carrying some unhealthy primary stuff from your parents.

I try to remember that. Especially because I’ve been hurt badly in the past by acting impulsively.

That can be a Lion secondary thing… but also a Lion primary thing. Depends on the circumstance.

Lion: I feel uncomfortable with lying and I’m not great at it. Twisting the truth to my advantage is safer than being caught in a lie. I remember that as a child, I looked up how to tell someone was lying so I could get better at it because it was too easy to tell when I was lying.

That is… super Bird actually. Kind of *adorably* bird. And if you’re neurodivergent, chances are that at the very least you model Bird secondary.

Sometimes I just really want to call someone out for being rude or a jerk but I just paste this friendly facade on because I don’t want people to think I’m an a-hole.

Actor Bird? Badger secondary performance?

But I did get into fights in middle school and there was a time my friend had to hold me back from getting in a screaming match with someone in NYC who called me a whore out of nowhere.

I mean, part of that is being young. There’s anger and aggression here, and sure it’s sort of Lion secondary flavored. But I lived in NYC too. Sometimes people just accuse you of being a shapeshifter or personally killing Biblical figures, out of the blue. It happens.

I used to love being controversial and edgy but now I’m too afraid of doing that or speaking my mind unless I really really know my audience. 

Being controversial and edgy for the sake of being controversial and edgy is also very *young.* And sure Lion secondary is possible, but I’m not forgetting about that Lion primary.

Bird: I collect cookbooks and love to study new languages. I’ll listen to podcasts on obscure topics I’m interested in and then run into the other room to tell my husband a cool fact I just learned.

Sounds like (at the very least) a fun Bird secondary model.

I don’t have a lot of people I can rely on for advice with my personal stuff (they just have very different lives or I don’t want to burden them) so I end up googling a lot of things instead of asking a friend.

Oh that’s interesting. You want to ask a friend, but you can’t. (Burnt Badger.) So INSTEAD you do a lot of research on your own (Bird model)

Most of my research does have a purpose, though, like understanding something better or making an important decision. Not sure if this is Bird or Badger but when I cook, I have to follow the recipe exactly the first few times before I feel comfortable adjusting it.

Could honestly be either.

I see videos of people just figuring out how to make a dish on the fly and it’s like witchcraft.

I don’t think you’re an Improvisational secondary.

I wouldn’t even know where to start unless I had a serious base of knowledge or experience to draw on.

… there’s the Bird.

(My mom is a bookkeeper Badger and she’s the one who taught me to cook). I do plan a lot but it’s more anxiety that if I don’t, I’ll forget what I need to do. I feel like maybe Bird is a model I lean into really hard.

^

Badger: I do have a lot of stereotypical Badger hobbies like knitting, baking, etc and I find them very soothing. I don’t like lying but I don’t have to feel the lie, though that makes it more convincing.

You make a distinction between “lying” and “twisting the truth to my advantage.” You conceptualize lying as a skill that you had to learn - which sounds like it’s coming from a very Actor Bird place, so no wonder you don’t have to *feel* it.

BUT. “Twisting the truth to my advantage,” could POSSIBLY be a way to describe Badger mirroring, especially if you’re a little down on Badger in general, which you honestly seem to be.

I do mirror people sometimes, I think, but it’s usually a conscious choice unless I’m tipsy.

Hmm. Interesting. So you consciously mirror people… but also do it unconsciously? “In vino veritas” IS a thing that people say.

I do rely on communities for support, though. I’m in several support groups on Facebook and I often go there to ask for advice/support

That’s *really* Badger secondary.

and to search through old posts for information on what I need.

Bird secondary. I AM pretty confident saying Bird secondary *model* at this point.

And I do ask my friends for advice when they have relevant experience

Okay. I got it. I think I can put it into words. You are writing about a Badger secondary. But every time you mention a Badger thing, in order to explain or excuse your behavior, you throw in a very Bird secondary justification.

I’m too afraid of… speaking my mind unless I really really know my audience.

tell my husband a cool fact I just learned

I end up googling a lot of things instead of asking a friend.

I often go there to ask for advice/support and to search through old posts for information

And I do ask my friends for advice when they have relevant experience

in each of these examples, you are talking about being part of a community, or strengthening the bonds in a community. But either your using a Bird strategy to do it, or you’re doing a Bird thing at the same time… so that makes it okay.

though I try not to do it super often because I don’t want to be a burden and have that define our relationship.

This is the second time you’ve mentioned burdening your friends, and like… I think you’re a Burned Badger secondary. You don’t think that being a Badger secondary *works,* and it’s unsafe to depend on the group or ask them for help. But you’re cutting off a strategy here, a good strategy. People like to help. And sure, be aware and responsible and all that good stuff. But people can also tell you if they don’t have the emotional bandwidth for you right now. They can tell you if you think you’re stepping over a boundary. You don’t have to mind-read. It’s not all on you.

I do try to be a supportive, caring person who brings people meals and stuff, but it’s more because I feel that’s what I’m supposed to do than because it comes naturally.

We know that you “paste this friendly facade on because I don’t want people to think I’m an a-hole.” What you actually seem to be doing is performing a “stereotypical” Badger secondary over your actual Badger secondary. Which is burnt. No wonder you’re confused.

When someone is causing trouble in my community, I think about confronting them and then decide it won’t work and is too frightening and instead I gather stories of what they’ve done from others and go to an authority figure with all the info. That seems Badgery.

I know EXACTLY what this is, because I think you actually house-match me. You get that Lion primary this is wrong go fix it gut punch. And then that feeling has a *little* fight with the Badger secondary that says wait a minute. Take stock of your base of operations. Who is loyal to you. Who listens to you. What secrets to you know. Who wants to do you a favor.

Snake: I’m not sure if this is Snake or Lion, but I tricked my elementary school Spanish teacher into telling me how to say I don’t like something and then got the whole class chanting that we didn’t like Spanish.

you are literally fighting back *with* the community. They’re you’re weapon. Once I got an entire bar to stand up and stare down a guy who was creeping on me. It’s awesome, it’s a superpower, it’s Badger.

Which I realize now was awful but it felt badass as an 8yo.

Look, starting a chant is always kind of badass.

When I got in trouble at school, I would sneak up and leave the upstairs phone off the hook so they couldn’t call home and tell my mom. I tricked my gullible friend into leaving fruit snacks out overnight by telling her they’d come to life.

I don’t know if this is a Badger secondary thing (I’d be charmed if it was) but all this is sounding extremely familiar. When I was younger I used to get a kick out of convincing people I could read minds. My favorite strategy was to listen in on pocket dials. You hear some good stuff listening in on pocket dials.

When my ADHD really whacked me over the head in high school, I became excellent at doing as much of the homework as I could and then BSing the rest.

Truly, that’s just an ADHD coping mechanism. I see it all the time.

I knew how to guide my foreign language teacher into talking about her homeland for the entire lesson instead of going over the homework.

Literally all I had to do was ask Mr. Cook about word etymologies and we’d do no Latin that period. (And I’m sure this is something any secondary could do… but I swear to god, I think it’s something that young Badgers are either very good at, or very likely to use.)

I was very conservative in high school and I was taking a philosophy class with a very liberal teacher. I remember one of my conservative friends just being very outspoken and horrifying the teacher and I was just thinking are you insane? Meanwhile I’d just agree with her and even stay after class to charm her.

Badger performance I think. Doing the teacher’s pet thing. (No judgement, I did it too.)

I do manage to do my “polite mask” for strangers.

^

Acting how I don’t feel for more than a few moments is too draining, though.

Means your either a Lion or a Badger secondary.

It’s kind of confusing because I can be very combative with peers, or used to be, but I’m good at charming adults when I want to. But is that my secondary or my childhood trauma? 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’m actually really creeped out by some Lion Snakes in media and was badly victimized by a manipulative one in real life so I’m kind of scared of that being my sorting. 

I don’t get Snake from you. I do get a pretty burnt Badger secondary, a secondary that feels like it either won’t work or can’t be trusted (or both.) And over the top of that, a “charming” “supportive, caring” “friendly facade” “polite mask” that is “what I’m supposed to do.” And it’s draining you and driving you crazy because it feels like a lie, and are not good at lying. You can mirror, and you can leverage the community for help and support, but right now you’re not doing either of those things.

(you do have a pretty healthy bird secondary model though.)