#to the point that it's something i'm working on in therapy

[red-dye40]

LOOK EVERYONE BEE'S MAKING ANOTHER LONG TEXT POST!

LET'S ALL READ IT AND REALLY REALLY ABSORB EVERY LAST WORD!

Hello, it's me, Bee. I'm typing with proper capitalization to show you how serious this post is.

Recently, and especially yesterday, I've been getting increasingly upsetting and alarming engagement from fans (it feels stupid saying "fans" but also maybe my overfamiliarity is part of what's biting me in my huge ass.)

I am always of the mindset of letting people do their freak shit, never yucking anyone's yum, etc etc, but I think I have to start being a lot more explicit about where I stand on some things.

First of all, I want to specify upfront that Newfag Runs The Gauntlet is a work of fiction, and what's more, it's very explicit social commentary. You are Not supposed to root for Newf. He is purposefully Not A Good Person. That goes for pretty much everyone in NFRTG in fact; like, yes the CrowdSauce posts are funny and ridiculous, but if you find yourself reading some of the more violent and disturbing parts of those threads and being like "woah that's just like me!" then I urge you to understand that it's not a Good thing.

NFRTG isn't written to be representation for paraphiles or radqueers. I in fact do not use either of those terms to describe myself, because I personally am deeply uncomfortable with how broad and vague and muddy the definitions are, and how it invites and potentially encourages some really unsavory behavior. NFRTG is a cautionary tale first and foremost. It's a horror novel because it is SCARY how willingly all these characters agree to ruin people's lives for a laugh. It's also FUNNY because I am very funny :) and it's HOT and you can think it's HOT because I do! And definitely write parts of it to be hot and horny! That's part of the horror, too! Not knowing whether you're disturbed or disgusted or aroused! But please please please know that these characters are Not the good guys. There are really no good guys to be found. Intentionally. And that's not a Good Thing.

I'm going to take a big big BIG step back from fandom engagement for my own sake. There inevitably comes a point where creators kind of can't afford to keep up intense fan engagement and I think I'm there, so I'm gonna untrack my tags and let you all have your fun without mommy breathing down your neck. If you want me to see something, you can tag me or submit it to the site for sure! I WANT to see your art and writing and theories and all that! I LOVE it! I just don't think I need to be privy to ALL of it.

My closing remark is I am so grateful and so lucky to have gotten such a following so fast. Pretty much everyone I've interacted with has been very kind and sweet and curious, and I so admire that. What a lucky little bug I am! I want to keep feeling positively about my work and the impact it's having on others, so I urge everyone to approach NFRTG with a critical eye, understand that I am very much Pointing Out A Problem when I write characters doing or saying terrible things, understand that I very much Don't want people to kill themselves or each other, that I don't think these behaviors are just things we should turn our backs to. I was once a deeply suicidal, nihilistic, self-entitled channer who frequented gore sites and watched awful shit for fun. That was not good, and it took years of therapy for me to even START to unpack that and crawl out of that hole of self destruction. But I'm so much happier and healthier and better off now that I'm away from all that, and I will always encourage people to do the same. I really really would prefer it if people stayed alive and helped themselves and didn't harm others. That is my ask.

Thank you for your reading and I love you and I LIKE you. Please be safe and good :)

[last-words-ofashootingstar]

SHORTCAKE!

Baby Series!

❥Platonic Song Mingi x fem reader

❥Yandere Park Seonghwa x fem reader

➯a/n: MING !!! MING MY BELOVED !!! i was so excited to finally be able to write with the members and baby being the main focus because i have so many ideas and so many scenes that i couldn't fit into chapters. this is just the first of the drabbles, i'm definitely going to do the other members as well !since mingi and jongho tied on the poll i did, ill be posting his version later tonight ! enjoy <33

♡'･ᴗ･'♡genre: drabbles, angst, fluff

✫彡wordcount: 2k

ಠ_ಠwarning/content: non-linear(most moments have no set place in timeline), unhealthy relationships/trauma collective bonding, stockholm+lima syndrome, mentions of violence, anxiety, physical affection

✩index: little space- a regressed state of mind where someone feels like a child. little / age regressor - a person with a little space. hyung - a close male friend older than you, used by other males.

➯disclaimer: this is a work of fiction, and baby and seonghwa do NOT represent a healthy little and caregiver relationship, or a healthy relationship at all. everyone in this story needs therapy and LOTS of it.

MDNI.

❝nap time❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

"Lunch!" Seonghwa yells into the apartment, setting down the plates on the kitchen table.

You always eat meals together, like the fucked up family that you are at this point. He insists. Even before he 'brought you home', he made it a point to always have time to eat with San and Mingi. He kept the tradition even when the first few weeks after you 'came home' were beyond awkward and anxiety inducing.

"Baby-ya!" He peeks his head into the hall and pouts when he doesn't see you and Mingi coming. San is out and about, so it will be just the three of you — if you both decide to ever acknowledge him, that is.

He wipes his hands as he makes his way, ready to chastise you both for ignoring him because he knows that his voice can reach through the apartment. "Hey, wh-"

Seonghwa pauses in Mingi's doorway, a small smile taking over his face.

You aren't ignoring him. You're fast asleep.

He can only see the top of your head, the little butterfly clips he put in your hair that morning. The rest of you can only be perceived as a lump under Mingi's blanket. You're cuddled up with your face in his chest, his arms wrapped around your blanketed form and his chin on top of your head.

Lunch can wait a little while longer, Seonghwa thinks as he watches you with something akin to fondness in his eyes.

❝battleship❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

     "A..." You drag on, narrowing your eyes at Mingi from across the table, "A6?"

     You have really bad luck. You haven't hit a single one of his ships in the twenty minutes you've been playing. 'Battleship' would probably be forgotten at the bottom of the game cabinet.

    "Hit!" He smiles brightly, making you perk up.

    "Really?! I got one?"

    No, you didn't. Mingi doesn't have a game piece in 'A6'. But he's already sunk two of your ships and you've yet to even hit one of his.

     "Yeah, you got me!"

    He loves to see the excitement in your eyes when you start winning. His competitive nature flies out the window when it comes to you.

❝dinasaaaurs❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

The television lights up the dark living room, the four of you gathered in front of it to watch a pre-history documentary because you are currently obsessed with learning everything possible about dinosaurs; and they can't lie and say it isn't fascinating.

San is laid sideways across the recliner, Seonghwa sprawled out on the couch. You're sitting on the floor infront of Mingi, watching the TV with a child-like wonder as he plays absentmindedly with your hair.

"... of the dinosaurs." Morgan Freeman says on the show, his pronunciation of 'dinosaurs' making you giggle.

"Dinasaaaaurs." You repeat it, wiggling in your spot.

"Dinasaaaur," Mingi laughs while rubbing your head, getting you to settle down as the show goes on.

"-apex predator in the dinosaur world-"

"Dinasaurrr." Mingi smiles as you look up at him with a big grin when he speaks. He always plays along with whatever you're up to at the moment.

"Dinasaurrr~"

Seonghwa chuckles, watching as you go back to looking at the CGI in awe. Your eyes never leave the screen, and his never leave you. He'll never get over how cute you are while in little space.

"But how did the the dinosaurs-"

"Dinasaaaaurs!"

"Dinasaurrrs!"

"Take a shot every time they do that," San jokes, "be plastered in five minutes."

❝calm❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

    Seonghwa folded up a couple blankets on the floor and you now lay on top of them on your stomach; within his view as he cleans the kitchen. You're supporting yourself on your elbows as you draw. Still dressed in your pajamas, you look almost comfortable.

But Mingi knows that isn't the case. The reason you're on your stomach is because Seonghwa spanked you yesterday. You said a bad word and you faced the consequences, right in front of all of them.

"Hi, Ming," you greet him quietly as he enters the living room. You're still deeply embarrassed, but you suppose that's part of the punishment. Seonghwa said if you could say bad words in front of them, you could take your disciple in front of them too.

    "Hey, shortcake."

He doesn't bring it up. He doesn't say he's sorry. He knows that you don't want to hear it. You're thankful for that.

"Hand me that yellow one," now hunched over a paper across from you, he points to the crayon by your side. "Thank youuuu."

The soft scraping of pastel crayons against crinkling paper fills the silence along with the rain outside weaving with the wind.

He doesn't have to say anything more, his presence is comforting enough on its own. He gives you a sense of calm, even when all you really want to do is scream your throat raw.

❝late❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

      "Ming."

      He stirs in his bed.

      "Miiiiiing."

      He peeks his eyes open and shoots up from his spot when he sees you, "shortcake? Are you okay?" He swings his legs over the bed and cups your face in his hands, frowning as he notices the tears in your eyes.

     "I'm okay," you nod in his hands, playing with your sleeve, "I'm sorry for wakin' you up-"

    "It's okay," he cuts you off quickly, wiping the stray tear that makes it past your waterline, "can you tell me what's wrong?"

"Uhm," you sniffle, shifting on your feet, "well, I can't sleep without Mommy and Joonie said that maybe I could try to sleep with you — if that's okay with you, cause I' just used to being in bed with someone and if not it's okay, I can stay up an' wait for Mommy to be home. It's actually not a big deal! I can just wait, please don't be mad I woke you up..."

He lets you ramble on, nodding along slowly.

Seonghwa would be home pretty late, he was at a fashion show and he left you in Hongjoong's care; but neither of you really like each other.

But you do like Mingi. He's your best friend. He'd never be mad at you for waking him up, for any reason. That's the whole reason he keeps his door open — so you can always come to him when you need him. Deep down you know that. Mingi would never be mad with you. But you're so confused right now with the fact that you're missing Seonghwa. It's making your brain fire off all kinds of jumbled and scary signals.

"Okay," he nods again, rubbing your cheeks with his thumbs, "it's okay, I'm not mad. Look, I'm not mad, see?" He smiles softly as you lift your gaze to him hesitantly.

"N-no?" You're extra sensitive when you're in little space, all of the trauma you've endured weighs heavily on your regressed mind.

He knows that you just need reassurance... because that's what he needs too.

"I'm glad you woke me up, you shouldn't stay up so late. Did Joonie say he'd let Mommy know where you are?" Because if Seonghwa gets home and can't find you immediately, he'll raise literal hell with a tantrum that would rival one of yours.

"Mhm," you bite your lip, chewing nervously.

He pouts, tapping your cheek, "you're gonna hurt yourself, shortcake. Why don't you go get a paci while I find a movie for us to fall asleep to?"

"Really?" You perk up almost immediately. Falling asleep to nap while watching movies or videos with Mingi is one of your all time favorite things. The background noise and the way he lets you decide how to snuggle up gives you just the best sleep.

"Really." You're running out the door before he even closes his mouth, yelling to Hongjoong that 'Ming said I can sleep in hims bed!'

     By the time you come back, he's got one of your favorite movies pulled up on his phone and he's back under the covers. "Can I be little spoon?" You ask as you crawl under the blanket, all of your previous anxiety gone.

❝backstage❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

     Activity is rushing around the room, people weaving together and pushing past and everything looks like it's in choppy slow motion to Mingi.

    It's a large performance with multiple groups involved, so it's not surprising that people he's never seen are coming and going. Usually it doesn't bother him, he meets new people everyday. But something about today is making his head spin.

   He's sitting on the couch: knee bouncing, fingers fidgeting with his rings, focusing on the water bottle in front of him in attempt to calm himself.

    From your seat in Seonghwa's lap, you see him. You know that little furrow in his brow.

     "Mommy-ya?"

    He looks up from the script, eyes immediately on you and his studying of the language abandoned, "Baby-ya?"

     "Can I go sit with Ming? He looks scared..."

     Seonghwa's gaze follows yours, seeing the anxious way that his member is moving. He needs something to get his head on straight. And you always seem to do the job.

      "Yeah, go ahead, Baby," he kisses your head softly and helps you stand. His eyes go back to the page, but he's always watching you in the corner of his vision.

    You shuffle your way over to the couch and plop down on the floor in front of it wordlessly.

    His eyes are trained on the bottle cap, his breathing uneven.

    He jumps when you wrap your arms and legs around his leg, koala hugging onto the limb.

    "Don't be nervous, Ming. You're so cool! You're gonna kick butt," you smile up at him, your cheek smooshed to his leg.

    "Thanks, shortcake," he places his hand atop your head and breathes slowly. Just your presence alone is making him less nervous.

❝grilled cheese❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

"That's pretty, Baby," Seonghwa smiles as he looks over to your painting.

The three of you are on the floor with an array of art supplies spread around, the afternoon sun filtering through the blinds on the lazy Sunday.

"Thanks!" You smile back before rolling onto your back with a tiny groan. "Mommy-yaaa?"

"Yes, Baby-yaaa~?" He's already packing up the colored pencils he was using because he knows what you're about to say.

"I'm a little hungry," you peek to him with your best puppy dog eyes, "can we have grilled cheeses today, please?"

"Yeah, grilled cheese, Hyung?" Mingi pouts with you, making Seonghwa chuckle a bit as he stands.

"Sure, grilled che-"

"Yay!" You cheer, rolling back over onto your stomach and hugging his leg briefly before scooting over to Mingi and giving him a high five.

"I told you, shortcake, the puppy dog eyes never fail!"

Mingi helps you clean up the rest of the arts and crafts things, setting the papers to dry with a small smile as you fall onto your back again.

"You made some cute stuff today," he says as he sits on the couch, "that sunset one is a fridge hanger for sure!"

"You thinks so?" You tilt your head to look at him, "I'm not bestest with watercolor."

"Well, practice makes perfect, doesn't it?"

"Yeahm, true that-"

"Food!"

Mingi jumps up, running over to help you as you stumble on your feet, "c'mere, shortcake." He lifts you gently, carrying you the few feet to the table even though you playfully grumble that you're fine.

"Grilled cheese for My Baby," Seonghwa says as he sets your food in front of you. A grilled cheese cut in half in one section of the plate, some fruit in another, and some gummies in the last.

"Grilled cheese for my Minki," he and Mingi's plates are the same, grilled cheese and fruit.

"Thank you, Mommy."

"Thank you, Hyung."

You chime together as you all settle into your seats, a peaceful meal of grilled cheese shared — besides when Mingi tries to sneak a gummy from your plate, earning himself a Baby rendition of Wooyoung's death glare.

"Gosh, you really spend too much time with him, that's scary accurate." Mingi chuckles, taking the gummy you then offer to him.

Seonghwa pats your head softly as you giggle, nibbling on the grilled cheese with a smile. You two really act like a sweet brother and sister duo, and he thinks it the cutest thing in the world that the most precious people to him have found comfort in one another.

❝SHORTCAKE!❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

[coffinclownery]

Things I Like about Clinical Trial and How it Differentiates itself from Other Indie Horror Games

This is an addition to my CT Impressions post, and there will be spoilers after the cut. After this any post I make will be tagged "clinical trial spoilers" so you can avoid spoiling yourself on a 3-4hr game. Before going under the cut here's less spoilery reasons I like this game.

Art: The artstyle of the sprites and CGs are nice and while soft carries a lot of impact. There's a ton of different sprites at play during dialogue that really gives life to the characters. If you decide to go for a second run it's interesting to notice what expressions (or lack thereof) are at play. The creator also had another person draw the art for Angel, making their artstyle more unique to the game artwork.

Dialogue Pacing: Something interesting about the dialogue that I can't recall being used to this effect before is the pacing of the lines. Lines aren't always displays at the same pace. There's pauses between words, there's points where the dialogue box is left empty, there's stuttering. It's makes it easy to imagine how the characters are talking in a really interesting way, and it makes watching playthroughs enjoyable. Even players who don't have a lot of experience reading out loud are able to capture the characters a lot easier thanks to how the dialogue works.

Characterization: To be as spoiler-free as I possibly can here, the two main characters are well-written. They have their own internal lives that's shown both on screen and by what's purposely not shown. By the end of the game you have a pretty clear understanding of who these characters are and what dynamics are at play between them. Some argued that the 11 o' clock plot twists were out of left field, but if you replay it you might notice a lot of hints to how it got to that point.

As I said in my impressions post I don't think this was a perfect game, but it's still an experience that's hard to dismiss. I've watched videos, played it multiple times, stepped away from it awhile to see if I'm just overthinking it, but no matter what I do the impact this game left me with remains the same.

But to really drive home why this game's so interesting and why it's so different from a lot of other indie horrors out there I'll need to get into spoilers, so going under the cut now.

Do you have ADHD?: I feel like this became a siren call to people with ADHD and undiagnosed ADHD. Everything from Angel's little quirks to how it effects their ability to live day-to-day is so familiar to anyone who likely has this condition, to the point that it's scary. And even with how much ADHD affects Angel they still have a solid personality and character. Whenever a character is written intentionally with a certain condition there's a risk of the character just becoming a checklist of symptoms, but this avoids that while still giving us the impact of the condition.

Mental Illness: This game is stunningly aware that the characters need therapy. That's kind of a meme with a lot of stories, that things would've resolved a lot easier if the characters had therapy, chuck this villain into a therapy clinic...but no in this case that's blatantly the answer here. Regardless of how you feel about the characters it is so abundantly clear that they need help...and the tragedy is that neither are able to receive it, either through lack of access or fear of repercussions. There's no one solution here that can save these characters.

Their name is Angel: Along with mental illness, what isolates Angel is their queerness, during a time when online queer spaces weren't as prevalent, and especially spaces for nonbinary people. I'm nonbinary myself (which is another thing that makes this game way too familiar to me) and during the era the game's placed in I didn't have the words to really understand what I was. It was lonely. Angel's connection to animals comes from not knowing how exactly to define themselves, only understanding that they can't fit the standards expected from them. And when the only person who accepts you as you are is your stalker and a murderer...I can understand why they would still accept him.

No Meta: Don't get me wrong, I'm cool with meta games, but I think what sets this game apart is the reason for a character's actions...okay it's Lee, I'm talking about Lee here. The reasons for Lee's actions have nothing to do with meta. I feel like there's a lot of characters who fit the same niche as Lee that don't have reasons for their horrible actions beyond meta. Prime example being Doki Doki Literature Club, which I think was a huge influence to latter games. The horror stems from it being a meta game, which has the risk of taking away from the character's actually personality outside of meta-influence. Here there's no risk that Lee's actions can be excused by meta.

Realism: In addition to there being no meta-narrative there's also nothing in the game that reaches parody or fantasy. The unfortunate thing is everything in this games setting is fairly accurate to both the time it's set in and today. The horror is in the mundane, in how systems fail people, which leads them to take drastic measures out of desperation and form unhealthy bonds because of loneliness. The reason this game resonates is probably in part because a lot of people have also been failed by these same systems, and I've seen a lot of accounts of people ended up in similar relationships as the main characters out of loneliness.

Regular-Ass Dude: With the game being set in the realm of the realistic, can we talk about Lee? I saw a post that was like "You wouldn't like him if he was hot," and I did a double take because like...what...? He's hot???? Like physically????? I feel like I'm out of the loop on who's conventionally attractive these days. Because to me an important part of how Lee works is that he's not conventionally attractive, nor is he conventionally ugly. He looks like just a regular-ass dude you'd meet at a doctor's office. His appearance and flat affect becomes a mask to make him appear "normal" on the surface, which throws Angel and the players off the scent of how much of a freak he actually is from Week 1. Because of his surface level normalcy we miss the signs, possibly even right up to the shrine discovery.

Lee's Actual Appeal: His attractiveness only shows when he opens up, sharing his little wallet schedule with terrible writing, complaining about the medical system that fails his patients, his shrimp talk. When he has Angel in his place he actively tries to make them happy and comfortable instead of taking advantage of the situation. It's what makes the discoveries such a gut-punch. There's genuine effort in making Lee so likable and making his and Angel's dynamic work, and then that dynamic gets challenged. The disappointment I felt from seeing the shrine really felt like the disappointment I'd feel when a friend or family member messes up. Because I like them and I wanted them to do better. And then the body's discovered and I'm like "C'mon Lee you you could have least buried him first before inviting guests!"

The Other Regular-Ass Dude: Brandon's also regular-ass dude, but unlike Lee who's only a regular dude on the surface, Brandon's a regular ass to his core. It's what makes him such a loser in the basement. He's not an ugly mustache-twirling villain, he's a decent-looking dude in his early twenties who never had to learn what "consent" truly meant. He genuinely cannot fathom that he's done anything wrong, which is both mortifying and kinda sad. There are thousands of dudes on the internet who still think like Brandon, who still think anything goes so long as the other person doesn't say no out loud. Brandon is not the exception, he is the standard. He's part of the horror of the mundane.

Clinical Murder: Speaking of Brandon I think my favorite scene has to be the basement, where Lee reveals what he believed the basement is for and what he did. Fun as it would be I'm very glad the creator didn't make Lee a typical slasher villain. He's not openly conniving or cruel, he's cynical and very detailed in his violence. His matter-of-fact attitude clashes well with the delusions and fears that brought him to that point. When describing what he was going to do he's cold, casual and uses the same flat affect as he did when describing the testing done to Angel. You could almost say he was...clinical about it. HAH! HAHA!!!

Okay I think I'm past the limit where anyone will tolerate my word vomit so I'll stop here for the day.

[deoidesign]

.

[gxlden-angels]

Bro I hate fundamentalists and culturally-fundie parents they'll say shit like "spare the rod spoil the child am I right haha yea my parents used to have to beat my ass with a switch almost everyday but I sure did learn my lesson" but like??? no you didn't??? you were hit multiple times for something you very obviously did not, in fact, learn

Like studies about how harmful even lightly spanking children is aside, you're literally contradicting yourself?? Some even admitted they got worse as they got older cause they wanted to see how far they could push their parents before they got punished

And studies not aside, you're gonna get child raising advice from the same book that tells you to stone your wife if her hymen doesn't break on your wedding night instead of the decades of research we have now?? Just say you're a bad parent and move on my guy. Skill issue

[musical-chick-13]

.

[pollen]

i've been diving a lot deeper into adhd symptoms and comorbidities and misdiagnoses and whenever i tell my boyfriend something i learned that sounds like me he responds with something like

[hiddenmoonbeam]

love waiting for a phone appointment and the clock ticks past the set time....... 15 min now.... is her day busy and delayed, will she call in a sec or in half an hour instead? is she for some reason not calling at all but I didn’t get notified? has she forgotten? no idea and there's no way for me to call so I just have to wait.....

[asinglesock]

sometimes the horrible feeling in your stomach is anxiety but sometimes the horrible feeling in your stomach is because you are hungry. and sometimes you are both anxious and hungry. if you eat you might still be anxious but you will no longer be hungry.

[superfluouskeys]

i am literally a hopeless case LOL

[tokyoteddywolf]

22 isn't very much at all, I think.

[that-tall-queer-bassist]

I swear every time i write something - be it a poem or song or fanfic or short story or essay - i learn something new about myself, or reveal something about myself that i don't notice for months or years until i look back and its like a neon fucking sign screaming at me, begging me to notice.

anyways. had some revelations today.

[chronomally]

If we hit Martin Li in the head hard enough, the resulting concussion will make him forget Oscorp's role in his parents' death, defeating the desire for revenge inside of him that fuels his powers as Mister Negative

[fantabulousfelix]

man it's bad tonight huh

[thebibliosphere]

Every time someone well-meaning suggests I see a chiropractor for my migraines, I have this little moment of "ah, you're new here. You weren't here prior to 2018 when a chiropractor very gently adjusted my neck for my migraines, and I ended up having to get an emergency MRI because the ensuing symptoms were indicative of a brain bleed."

It wasn't a brain bleed. The muscles on the entire right side of my neck "just" tore (Spoiler there is nothing "just" about that kind of traumatic injury. I am still in physical rehab for it), and I couldn't hold my head up, see straight, walk or do any of the things I'd previously taken for granted until several weeks later when the area finally started to heal.

This was before I knew I had Ehlers Danlos, btw. But this is true even for people who don't have a connective tissue disorder: Don't let chiropractors touch your neck.

There are a lot of vital nerves and blood vessels there, and even gentle adjustments of the area can have life-threatening consequences.

I know chiropractic care can be pain relieving--I still get it for my lower back and hips because I work with a chiropractor who knows about Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, and sometimes my hips need to be popped back in at short notice, and it's easier to hop walk in and see her than wait for physical therapy--but it is a short-term relief that doesn't actually correct why something is happening.

If you can afford it, physical therapy will likely help more in the long term. I know not everyone can afford it, and that's why chiropractors have such a booming trade in the US, but please, I'm begging you, don't get your neck adjusted.

The spinal cord specialist I saw after my injury told me the number one reason he used to see people for traumatic brain injuries was car wrecks, followed by other major roadside injuries. He said those numbers were still the highest, but after that, the majority of his patients were survivors of chiropractic injury.

Do Not Get Your Neck Adjusted.

It's been over 5 years, and I still can't move my neck properly on my right side. I still struggle to eat and drink because my muscles will randomly seize up. It feels like my skull no longer fits on top of my spine because of the scar tissue. Please. I just want people to be safe.

And if you are a chiropractor reading this and thinking, "Well, I've never injured anyone, skill issue." No. You Have Gotten Lucky. Rethink how you apply your trade. Please, you can still help people while recommending safer options for specific body parts. Learn to do pressure point release and acupressure. Teach patients how to stretch and relax the area safely. Just fucking stop cracking people's necks like pop rock candy.

[bettsfic]

one of the best decisions i've ever made was to stop arguing.

i'd always been an arguer. i was defensive about everything and mindlessly contrary. it wasn't all my fault; i was (and still am) talked down to and patronized a lot, and when you live your life that way, you become kind of a raw nerve and dedicate a lot of energy to trying to prove yourself. someone even told me once, "it's just fun messing with you. you get so upset."

at 23, i was working in an environment where about a half dozen middle aged conservative men were always telling me what to do and explaining things to me. i either argued with them when they said heinous things or stewed about it for hours or even days. and so my new year's resolution one year was simply: no arguing.

it felt a little like defeat at first, like i was no longer standing up for what i believed in, even though no matter how right i was or how much proof i had for my claims, no one had ever been swayed by anything i told them. part of that was because they had no respect for me and didn't take me seriously; the other part was the simple truth that arguments are almost never productive. when someone says something and you immediately reply with, "you're wrong and here's why," a wall goes up and nothing can go over it.

i couldn't just let these men talk at me though, so i started asking questions. not leading questions, not with an intention to prove a point or walk them into a corner. i genuinely wanted to understand how they came to shape the opinions they held. i realized that understanding and agreeing are two different things, and just because i seek to understand doesn't mean i condone.

a truly fascinating thing happened: these men walked into corners all by themselves. it turns out nobody had ever actually tasked them with speaking their opinions aloud to a neutral audience. no one had ever been sincerely curious about them and their views. sure, their loved ones probably asked, "how are you doing?" all the time as a show of affection, but that's much different than, "what do you think?"

knowing what i know now, i think that's true of everyone. how many people ask you for your opinion and listen to what you have to say without speaking their opinion back to you? without judging you? how many people actively and intentionally try to understand you?

it's been over ten years since my resolution and i think i can count the arguments i've gotten into on one hand. one finger, even. it's amazing what happens when someone tries to rile you up, pick a fight with you, and your only response is, "can you elaborate on that?"

you can work someone into a very open and vulnerable state when you ask questions. they eventually run out of their usual talking points and move into the personal. when i do this, it's not like therapy; i'm not trying to help anyone. and it's not like teaching; i'm not trying to educate anyone. i just want to understand how people reach the conclusions they've come to. even after all these years of asking questions and not arguing, it still amazes me how few people in this world feel understood, and how easy it is to get them to open up when you say, "i want to know what you think."