#to the point that it's something i'm working on in therapy

[mascula-sappho]

1) yes but

2) you are acting like high masking low to medium support needs are somehow privileged... Not true, we get sent to psych wards who try to cure our autism, get kicked out of school's sped programs for being "lazy and difficult" (read: not able to work if denied accommodations), and bullied our whole lives as well. Acting like us trying to say "hey we can do the things you think we can't do" is "erasing high support needs" is actually ludicrous. A more precise way to say this would be "some autistic people (like me) can do x or y". Saying "autistic people can do x or y" is not erasing high support needs, it's pointing out that in general autistic people can do x or y. If someone said "autistic people can ride bikes and brush their teeth" I wouldn't start whining "well I CAN'T do those things well or at all so you are erasing me!!", because the other autistic people in my house can ride bikes and brush their teeth. I am tired of ableists thinking I am incapable of doing literally anything, that I can't have friends, that I don't deserve to be treated like an adult but instead infantilized and have my autonomy taken away and then the autistic community invalidates my experience because apparently hyperlexic low to medium support needs doesn't count because we are "privileged" and somehow not autistic enough to count. Here are some "privileged" experiences I have had over my life for good measure:

- having a psychiatrist misdiagnose me with bipolar disorder because of a prolonged state of emotional dysregulation

- being denied an education and IEP accommodations by my first high school (they also wrote things like "no social skills" and "can't take perspective" in the IEP - jokes on them I have had long term close friends for years and my future career requires excellent perspective taking)

- being sent to many many ableist so called therapists who treated me like I was a broken thing to be fixed instead of a person

- being sent to a psych ward by my old therapist because of dysregulation and trouble eating due to the depression from being denied an education which she mistook as like bipolar or something

- while in psych ward given meds to "treat" my autism that made me so anxious I couldn't get out of bed nor sleep and they refused to take me off of it no matter how miserable I was.

- being given heavy sedatives because my speed of processing and talking speed was interpreted as mania - these made me unable to function

- being conditioned through fear and corrections by my old spec ed team head to never ever infodump or engage with my special interests (this caused the depression)

- being baby talked to at 16 by an X ray technician only after my mom advocated for me and told her I was autistic.

- "you are so smart, if you just did [insert neurotypical thing that I struggle with] you'd be even better!! Why can't you do this, you are so good at other things????"

- Autistic men (yes sometimes even trans men) treating me like shit because they can't stand a girl being more skilled or knowledgeable than them (happens a LOT)

- "you don't look/act autistic" yes I do that's what the echolalia and constant repetitive motions are... and the encyclopedic knowledge of biology paleontology and history... just cause I am wearing makeup and a stylish outfit and am a girl and hyperlexic doesn't make me somehow not as autistic as a nonverbal male toddler who likes trains....

- extreme hypersensitivity to touch and taste, meaning I can't wear most clothes I want to and eating is extremely stressful (wait I'm low support needs that means I can't struggle with anything!)

- people in the horse world either treating me like shit because of my autism and denying me opportunities to advance or people thinking I should still be in a gentle soft therapy riding program instead of owning and handling my own horse on my own and riding seriously and competitively (shout-out to my current trainer who is probably autistic herself and made it to the FEI world cup dressage team!)

- people being shocked that I am a person and not whatever myth they have in their minds...

Hey, here’s a concept. What if we stopped saying “but autistic people CAN do all those things” (erasing high support needs) and instead started saying “not being able to do those things doesn’t impact someone’s value as a person nor does it make it okay to commit eugenics”.

[ameliedoree]

i took a bunch of estrogen in brazil for a year, here's some hrt thoughts

TL;DR I started taking sublingual Natifa 6mg (estradiol hemihydrate) and oral espironolactona 100mg (spiro) when I moved here because it mimicked my regime in the US. This was healthy, but I recently switched to injectable entantato de estradiol (EEn) through Certain Means which has been way better for me. If I had to start again, I'd probably just take Perlutan (EEn + DHPA) until pure EEn through Certain Means arrived in the mail. That was about R$600 for a 1.5 year supply, so about R$33 a month. This is safe, healthy, reliable, and affordable if you can stomach paying the sum all at once. Also I'm not a doctor, please read the Transfemscience Wiki for info about all this.

It's been almost exactly one year since I moved out of the bad ol' US of A to the way cooler part of the American continent: South America. Specifically, as a lot of people who watch my videos or just see me reblog in Portuguese know, I live in Brazil, and it's taken about a year for me to really 'adjust' to live here as it were. My Portuguese is at a point I can handle light conversation and daily tasks + some, I almost have a full suite of doctors, I figured out how taxes work, I have a bank account, and so on.

An adjustment I had to make that was both pretty huge and pretty small at the same time was with regards to my HRT. Living in Brazil is the first time I've been without a doctor for feminizing hormone therapy, though definitely not the first time I've had to more or less go without doctor advice. My docs in the US were often awful, prescribing bad dosages with bad regimes to the point I experienced light re-masculinization when I attempted to switch to injections. I don't necessarily blame them, because doctors in that country are grossly overworked and medical facilities apparently suck ass to work at for the most part... but I am still mad at them for the borderline dangerous maltreatment of my health.

Anyways, because of my lacking Portuguese skills and general fear of endos left over from the US, I went about a year without any sort of medical advice at all. I had to read up as much as I could alongside my husband on what was available and how to get a functioning regime -- and when I wanted to switch to injections earlier this year, I had to go down a whole rabbit hole. Here's a bunch of thoughts on what's available that may hopefully help other trans Brazilians or English-speaking immigrants that have moved here.

For general reference, when I talk about 'healthy dosages,' I'm speaking about anything that achieves greater than 150pgml/550pmol estradiol right before the next dosage. When I talk about monotherapy, I'm speaking of something which achieves between 200pgml~400pgml/734pmol~1468pmol before next dosage, as these are the healthy levels needed for feminization without taking T blockers. You can read about it here.

WHERE I STARTED: Before I even moved here, my husband and I figured out that the name brand medication Natifa is literally just Estradiol Hemihydrate. If you don't know, that is the same type of estradiol as in the famous blue/teal/green pills typically given to transfems in the US - it is more or less just pure Estradiol-b17, and like the famous titty skittles, you can take it sublingually (under the tongue). This allows for healthy estradiol levels, compared to oral which has really bad bioavailability and thus can put a damper on transition. Unfortunately, it's not generic, so I was paying about R$400 a month for a reasonable dosage (2mg, 3 times per day). Even as someone earning in USD this is a massive sum to be paying out, and since the SUS doesn't seem to subsidize it, I can't imagine it being viable for almost anyone long-term. And, because sublingual estradiol is generally Not Good at suppressing testosterone by itself, I also took espironolactona (spiro) alongside it, just as I had done before. That, thankfully, is generic and cheap, but it still caused me fatigue and sleepiness like it always has. It is famously Pretty Mid and makes you piss a ton (in a lame way). Nevertheless without having the time or energy to investigate many other options, I kept on with this for about 11 months until I decided I should probably do something different.

WHAT I CONSIDERED: Digging around with my now way better Portuguese skills, and talking with trans Brazilians, I got told about a couple common regimes. The first is just to take ~4mg oral valerato de estradiol (EV) daily alongside a blocker, which is... I guess functional for some, but oral EV is both weaker than almost any other administration method resulting in low levels, and the monthly costs can still add up (almost R$200 per month!). There is a combined EV + progestin as well, but again, oral EV isn't great, and synthetic progestogens carry health risks. I wanted something more stable that wouldn't necessitate taking 8mg a day.

The second regime was to take injections of Perlutal. Perlutal is enantato de estradiol (EEn) + algestone acetophenide (DHPA), which on paper is pretty solid. You can get it at about R$15 for 2 weeks worth (5mg/week), and EEn is a really stable form of estrogen for injections. Like, arguably the best besides the relatively understudied undecyclate, as seen in the Ester monotherapies comparsion on Estrannise. The problem is DHPA; a synthetic progestin that may cause prolactinomas. I read a study on this a while back but unfortunately I can't seem to track it down, but people refer to the incidence regularly. While lactation is fun and all and I partake in it myself with domperidone, you REALLY don't want to induce it by a benign brain tumor. A crazy spike in prolactin might also be bad for your mental health.

Finally, the last is to do patches. I do not know nearly enough about this to say, but the cost of this also seems way too high if not subsidized, since getting healthy levels with blockers seems to require 200mcg per week. That's still nearly R$200 a month at the lowest far as I can tell.

WHAT I DO NOW: Given the lack of readily available pure estradiol ester injections here (valerate, cypionate, enantate, etc), I did what a lot of trans women do now and got it from Certain Sources. I paid by Bitcoin using Paybis (which supports PIX!!!!!!), tossed the seller my CPF to write on the package so Correios wouldn't upend my soul and steal my girl juices, and got sweet sweet clean EEn 3 weeks later. I won't say from where, but any place that sells discreetly packaged estradiol should be fine, which is most of them these days. The general going rate is about R$600 after all fees, which is about as pricey as the monthly cost of Perlutal in a single sum.

And that's it. I just take 5mg of EEn every week by subcutaneous injection, and have been feeling fantastic. BD and Sol-Care make good supplies for needles and such, personally I use the 27g from BD for injecting and 25g + syringe from Sol-Care for drawing my EEn. I also found an endo who is pretty knowledgable and supportive, which is a godsend since I just need someone who can monitor my levels.

OVERALL: I can say I'm pretty happy with where my transition is going at this point, and how things have been here in Brazil. Estradiol being over the counter was amazing for getting me through a rough period of not being able to see a doctor, and the trans community in my local area has been wonderful to talk to. Even as things are greatly imperfect here with trans people (especially as the CFM is trying to make life more miserable for trans youths), I have still found it far, FAR easier to live than in the best of times when I was in the US.

Vai Brasil!!!

[ballroomeddie]

ok, so i was talking to some lovely mutuals @atlasblue85 @livesbetweenpages about these two scenes and it got me thinking about something that i’ve been mulling over for a while; what eddie means when talks about buck making everything about buck.

turns out i'm not one for brevity (oops) sooo tldr at the end.

imo the most pivotal buck lines from the wanna go for the title scene (apart from the aforementioned) are: a) Look, I’m sorry that I wasn’t there, Eddie… I should have been there. b) If you’re not gonna be honest with Frank, at least be honest with me. c) …you prefer to work it out in the ring. d) You don’t think while you were going through your phase, just maybe, you were throwing your punches at the wrong guy? 

the way i see it buck is saying (in order) a) i consider it my responsibility to be there for you and to take care of you (and chris). i’m sorry i failed. b) please, let me be there for you c) i see you. i understand that fighting is/was therapeutic for you. i’m not judging you for it d) if fighting is how you work out your issues, then i think you should fight me. i’m the one you have a problem with. i’m the one who failed you.

pivotal eddie lines--apart from Not that you didn’t deserve it, but I wouldn’t do that. You’re on blood thinners😏 (my cunty king. i luv him sm)--: a) We’re way past that, Buck. b) Look, things got a little out of hand for both of us. Don’t beat yourself up about it. c) Who said I wasn’t being honest with Frank… Maybe I’m just not a therapy kind of guy. d) Seriously? You’re gonna make it about you, again?

imo the underlying meaning here is: a) there’s nothing to apologize for b) please, stop apologizing. i don’t need saving, you didn’t fail me, you didn’t do anything wrong. i know it looked like i needed you from your vantage point, but i'm fine. promise. pretend you didn’t see that. there’s nothing to see here. i’m self sufficient. c) look, buck, i don’t need therapy, i don’t need anything, you have no idea what you’re talking about. i’m S E L F SUFFICIENT. d) my guy, you’re starting to piss me off. i understand that you have this incessant need to fix everything for everyone, but i’m not the one. you have this need to be a good boy but you don’t have to bring me, and the issues that i definitely don’t have, into it. because i’m fuckin SELF SUF.FI.CIENT!

interesting interesting interesting. thoughts thoughts thoughts.

but what about 8x09, sob stories?

pivotal eddie lines--apart from his beautiful brown bambi eyes 🥺 that say sosososo much--: a) It really is always about you isn’t it? b) [I was trying to be supportive, okay?] And you succeeded up to a point c) If you need to be pissed off at me to make it easier for you, then be pissed off. d) I don’t like it any more than you do. e) …if you're gonna make this about me having to choose between you or my son, you’re gonna lose every time. f) What about your loft…. You really did that for me?

my interpretation. a) here you go again, trying to fix shit. please stop. there’s nothing to fix. and tbh, lately you’ve only made things worse. b) i’m so sorry 🥺 i didn’t mean that. things are always better when you’re around. it’s just… things are complicated rn. we’re in an unprecedented situation and idk how to handle it. c) look, i’m sorry for putting you in this awful situation. you’re allowed to be mad at me. you should be mad at me. d) this is not easy for me. it’s not nothing. i’m mad at me too. e) i’m honestly hurt and disappointed that you would try to exploit my feelings for the fact that i’m gonna miss you. if i have to choose between missing you and hurting my son, i’ll choose the former. everytime. f) you can’t do this. you don’t have to do this. i can’t ask you to do this. you’re a renter… how did you know? why would...? thank you. i don’t deserve you it. thank you.

i’m not even gonna break down the pivotal buck likes (other than to remind anyone who’s still reading about I didn’t mean to out you. <- bdjdnd 💀). everything he says boils down to, i couldn’t stop myself from taking care of you if i tried. 

y’all remember buck introducing eddie to carla? remember that? that’s how it started and this ⬆️ is how it’s going. actually the facetime calls is how that’s going but i won’t get into that. 

conclusion/tldr: buck promised himself, before/around the time that he introduced eddie and carla to each other, that he’d always take care of eddie. because he can. because he wants to. and because it’s the natural, easy, obvious, damn near biologically imperative thing to do. the problem is that eddie doesn’t want to be taken care of. he’s convinced himself that he doesn’t need it or deserve it. so when buck waltzes in and says, lol lmfao rofl even. you’re lying to yourself. you do need someone to take care of you. you do deserve it. and i’m gonna do it whether you ask me to or not… well, that sets eddie on edge. buck is challenging a long held belief of his, a belief that he’s not ready to interrogate. so he finds a way to push back everytime buck brings attention to the self-effacing, self-sacrificing, self-critical, self-punishing elephant in his subconscious. and one of eddie’s go-tos when he’s pushing back is, this is about you, this is about your need to fix things but i don’t need fixing. and the way i see it, when eddie says, stop making this about you, he means, stop bringing attention to the fact that i might not be as self-sufficient as i believe myself to be.

also @atlasblue85 said something so bang on that i had to include it.

"it makes so much sense that Eddie says [that buck is making things about himself] as a self defense thing because he knows it's a way to get Buck to back off when he's feeling vulnerable and doesn't want to fully confront what he's actually dealing with"

👆⬆️ EXAACTTLY ‼️‼️‼️

[sglossmin]

Muse | MYG pt. 6

Plot: What happens when the man you practically simp over in high school, is right now, sitting across you after almost 10 years of not seeing him? Worse? You’re here for an appointment for therapy and he’s your psychologist.

Pairing: SeniorStudent!Yoongi x JuniorStudent!Reader —> Psychologist! Yoongi x Artist!Reader

Genre: Fluff, slight age gap, slice of life, a bit of angst, schoolmates to lovers(?) SWITCH POV

Warnings: matured themes

Word count: it's many i think

A/N: I honestly dunno when this will end.. Also there's this JK FF I've been working on (for like a year lmaooo I think I edited every chapter for about 10 times but the thing is I only managed to write 4 chaps? yeah oh gosh...) I might post it here too (but originally on wattpad) after this or... this another FF (still dunno which member)... kinda fantasy? yeah, I just thought of the storyline a couple of days ago. GOSHHH I WANNA WRITE THEM AND FINISH THEM ALL SO BADDDD

Comment your @ if u wanna be added to the taglist^^

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5

When I was a kid, I never dreamed. Growing up, I felt different from the others.

Adults would always ask "What is your dream? What do you wanna be?" and people in my age would say a doctor because they wanna help people with illness, a teacher because they want to help and teach the others or a lawyer to bring justice.

Everyone had their reasons. Reasons that I never find myself fond of.

I was always amused by these kids because they really find themselves helping people, meanwhile I—never thought of that.

I was a kid.

Growing up, every time I hear the phrase "What do you want to be?", my mind goes blank. To the point where I'll just say what most people want to hear. Any job at that point, really.

As long as it lives up to our name—Jeon.

High school were a different stage though. That's when you'll feel the rush, the pressure, the need of wanting to know what do you want to do with your life.

Be a government slave?

That's why most of the time, I would jokingly answer, "I wanna be a good person. That's what I aim to be."

Maturing is realizing that anyone can be great at their occupation, but not everyone can be a good person. Everyone has their own flaw—their own suffering that shapes them for who they are today. But there's no such thing as Be-A-Good-Person Course and people would definitely not pay me just because of my manners. So, I still have to find a job that would suit me.

One thing I always hear from the adults were "Follow your dreams." which obviously isn't possible because I don't have a dream in the first place and "Do what you are passionate about."

Passion?

Every time I hear those words, I felt helpless. My mind always wonder that how come people just randomly have and know their dreams and passions. I was never taught how to do that.

I was a smart and talented kid. Everyone envies my talent and sure, their words really boost my ego, but not enough to make my head big. Once, my teacher in English when I was in 8th grade, asked me about my dream and I said I was still thinking. She then told me that I should definitely be a lawyer.

It was my first time hearing that and it felt odd. She said it'll be a waste if I won't be, since I'm "smart." I never even ranked first in class that's why hearing that from her made it even more weird.

A lawyer? Really? What made her thought I'll be great in that field? Just because I'm "smart"?

She said that to me for like 3 times but never once I had the courage to ask why. What did she saw in me that I never see?

Being "smart" and "talented" as a kid had it's downside too. It only made me more confused on what field I would go. Sure—I can do anything, but what scared me are the "What if's".

What if I was being too bold on that decision? What if the payment is too low to pursue? What if I get sick of something that used to be my hobby? What if I never become happy with it?

Pursuing a dream is harder than I thought. It could shape my future. One failure and everything could crumble down before it even get to soar.

There was a time when Jungkook and I were kids, he would always whine on how I shouldn't be too good and that he can't keep up with my pace. Even though he said it more as a joke, it broke my heart. He must've been pressured too. The only good thing is that we never heard them compare us to each other.

Or at least they never compared Jungkook to others.

Whenever I get home with a certificate in my hand, a proof that I'm one of the top student in our class—is exhausting. Of course, I was happy too that I managed to be on the top but it didn't feel like a reward. I was just relieved that it's done.

Their happy faces when they see that I did well, but what always crushed me was their question after congratulating me—"Who got the first? What did she do that you can't do to be on top? " Those were the lines I would always remember.

Right... It was never enough. No matter how high I achieved, if I'm not the first, it means nothing.

There was a lot of things my parents forced me to learn, and honestly, I was thankful for that. I am who I am now because of them.

One of the things that my parents forced me to learn was to play piano.

I hated it. Despised it even. Wishing how my hands would just snap or the piano would just break every time I practiced. I would always make a mistake and every time I do, I felt frustrated—wanting to break the keys.

Just to clarify, I didn't hate the piano itself, it was more like practicing it.

I was a child. The only things that I wanted to do was play and watch the goofy cartoons that were playing in our TV. Why am I suddenly stuck in a room playing a note over and over again?

It was a good thing my tutor was patient on me. He saw how uninterested and frustrated I am with the instrument but regardless of that, he did his job. Nevertheless, I only learned the basics because soon, I told them that I didn't wanna learn. Pleaded them to stop the lessons and after hours of convincing, they let me.

Surprisingly, they were gentle about it. Asking me if I'm sure I don't want it. But little did I know, soon, I would realize that it was a waste that I threw a tantrum and didn't learn the instrument.

Spring 2011

"Girl, have you heard the news?!" Chaeyoung squealed as she beamed me a grin when she walked in to the classroom.

It was early in the morning and I just arrived in the classroom as well. I wasn't supposed to attend the class today but I knew that even if I were to be excuse for a day, doesn't mean I won't have to do the things they did. I would only be more stressed on my missed activities and quizzes.

I'm practically a study maniac.

That is why even if I have a cold today, I still managed to convince my mother to let me attend the classes—after hours of nagging me, of course.

Sat on my chair with my head rested against my arms on the table, I looked up at her. "What is it that you're so thrilled early in the morning?" I grumbled and lazily rubbed my nose.

"Whoa, are you okay? You look sick." Chaeyoung eyed me as she took her seat in front of me.

"She got cold because she had been pulling all nighters to finish her painting. Her system couldn't take it so... yeah." Sana chimed in. She was a couple of tables away from us yet she still managed to be involved in our conversation.

I mustered to let out a chuckle as I nod—admitting all she said was right.

We had a week of school break and I impulsively wanted to paint some of my sketches using watercolor. It was my first time using it but it turned out fine.

But to be more specific, I wasn't just busy painting random stuffs. I was trying to learn how to draw him perfectly—accurately. Never have I ever thought his face will be the hardest to draw. Something wasn't just right. In my sight, he just looks like a boiled dumpling—must be easy, right? But by the time I draw him, something's always off.

Chaeyoung felt sorry for me but beams up again when she remembered what she was supposed to say in the first place. "Guys, have you seen the posters?? The seniors were having a little talent show and one of the performers is Neko!!" She giggled and Sana's face lit up too.

"Looks like Y/n's remedy is on his way," Sana teased.

I groaned, feeling the exhaustion creep up to me.

Does this people think my world revolves around him? It's just a silly crush, not like I would do stuffs for him.

"I won't go. He's not that special for me to go." I smugly said as I ignored the girls laugh and confusion.

After class, I rushed outside, telling them that I needed to go home early. On my way, I unintentionally saw the poster of the list of the participants on the show.

Class 11- A Min Yoongi.

"He would probably just dance... or sing. Like everybody. Not that interesting to waste my time on it." I muttered as I looked for the details more. "Tomorrow at 5:30 pm? What's with the late announcement..."

"Apologies about that. The council got too busy that we forgot to post it," Jin—the president of student council—chimed in beside me.

I was caught off guard when he spoke. It was my first time to see him up-close and seems like the rumors were true. His laid back attitude, looks and good courtesy made him win. He's way even prettier and taller up-close.

Jin smiled at me as I stared at him in fascination. "The show was mainly for seniors but juniors are welcome there too. It was actually a good thing that we showed it on such short notice, in this case students won't cram together."

I only nodded and shyly smiled. My head tilt up again when he spoke, "Are you going to watch? The audience that our auditorium can hold is limited, which is why there's only a few tickets left. So... here." Jin handed me a purple ticket.

"I-i don't... I'm not sure... Is this..erm..." I bit my lip after I stuttered so much. I wasn't even sure if I'm going in the first place—I mean, I literally told my friends that I'm not going. However, how can I say no when the cutie president handed me the ticket himself?

"You're the girl who gave Yoongi that drawing, right? He was practically bragging about it." He paused before leaning down—closer to me. "You think you can draw me too?"

My eyes widen and I felt my cheeks getting flushed. Lost in his eyes, by the way he tilts his head and the way the curve of his mouth lift in mischievousness.

He's such a charmer...

As much as I know from the information I gathered, he and Yoongi are friends. Jin is a year older than him—soon to graduate too. They get to know each other because Yoongi was a council member when he was still a junior.

Jin took my hand and I felt him placed the ticket on it. He shook his head and let out a soft chuckle before fixing his composure. "I was just kidding. Good drawing though. See you tomorrow, I hope." He smiled and waved a good bye to me before his figure disappears and blends with the other students.

I looked at the ticket in my hand. I'm not that sick to be unable to go for tomorrow but pretty sure that my parents won't allow me to go out that late.

"If it'll start at five then it'll end about seven or eight. They will sure beat us up if they find out that you sneaked out." Jungkook argued as he munched my chips on my bed. He knew I hate it when someone does that. He was literally testing how far I can go with this.

I huffed and took out the nice clothes and placed it on my bed. "Come on, Kook. Help me out for this one." I pleaded as I laid beside him and playfully squish his cheeks.

Jungkook grumbled something before he gave in. "Fine... And please, stopping doing that to my cheeks. It's not cool."

I rolled my eyes at him. I can't believe that he's starting to feel self conscious. Jungkook just used to be my slave, but now, he's getting older and still my slave.

"What am I even gonna get from helping you out this time?" Jungkook pouted as he munched like a pig.

"My PSP. All yours." I smirked as I took it out from the bedside table. "But only, if we won't get caught."

Jungkook sighed as he nodded. We pinky promised each other and went to discuss our foolproof plan.

I prepared my stuffs into my bag like my tissue, VapoRub, lip balm, camera, phone and wallet. I decided to take my old scooter that my parents never noticed that it was still there. It's way safer than taking a bus—less interaction with people whom my parents might know.

For tonight, I dressed up in my casual clothes— black camisole tank top, plaid flannel shirt—to cover me, and flared jeans that pairs my converse. Kind of a grunge style that I've been seeing on tumblr.

It wasn't really the ideal clothes but my parent can caught me if I'm wearing my usual cute clothes since it'll be easier for them to identify me, if we ever somehow cross paths.

I even put some hair extensions for highlights, just so I could look different. A gradient of black-to-red to match my look.

While I was getting ready, Jungkook informed me that everything is set. I smiled at him and nodded. It wasn't my first time to sneak out and asked Jungkook for help so I already knew this is going to work.

"Noona...take care, okay? Don't do drugs." Jungkook said in a rather more genuine tone.

Rolling my eyes, I playfully smacked his arm, "I'm just going to school, doofus."

"Well, who knows... You already look like you're using it..." he muttered.

Ignoring his words, I took another look at myself in the mirror, fixing a bit my hair, adjusting my makeup a little...and I'm all good.

Jungkook went downstairs first, checking if any of our parents were on the living room, if they are, I have to take the back door, but if they are on the kitchen, I will have to use the front door.

After checking, he went upstairs again to my room.

"So?"

"Eomma is on the kitchen and Appa still hasn't arrived from work." Jungkook confirmed.

It would be a big risk if I'm going to ride my scooter on the main road since we could cross paths, so I decided to take my secret route to go to the school.

The sun was still bright when I left the house. It wasn't really a surprise since it's Spring season. The days are longer and warmer than usual. The trees started to regrow and the flowers started to bloom too.

Most of the people symbolizes Spring as rebirth or a new beginning. I didn't really understand what they meant since I've never relate to that.

Fresh start to what? How do people even restarts their life?

On my way to school, my mind kept recalling the conversation I had with Jin. Aside from the way he looks and being a smooth talker, it made me wonder if what he said about Yoongi was true.

Did Neko really bragged about the drawing? I mean, that drawing was perfect. Out of all the drawings I made based on him, that one was the one...

I giggled like a moron while scooting in nowhere. Imagining the ways on how he bragged about it.

Despite of that, a doubt came over to me. "Or maybe Jin was just exaggerating..." I mumbled, still focused on my trail while riding my scooter.

It was just about time when I arrived at school. I went straight to the auditorium and so far, I haven't seen my friends—which is good. I already told them yesterday that I have no interest on going. They would laugh at me if they see me here.

What am I even doing here? I could've just ditch it...

I glanced at the ticket on my hand, looking for the seat number.

"Row G Seat 7?" I murmured as I searched for it.

While searching I felt a hand tap my shoulder, which made my attention turned to it. It was Jin. He was wearing a retro button-up—left unbuttoned—over his tee, loose jeans and sneakers.

"Need a help?" Jin smiled at me as he asked me if he could take a look at my ticket. "Oh, you're seat is on the middle row." He pointed where my seat is.

Great...middle seat. A perfect view for Neko to see me... pfft

"Oh... thank you." I smiled back and was about to go when he spoke again.

"Glad you came. Enjoy the show." Just as he was about to walk away, he glanced back, as if he had forgotten something. "Oh– Also, nice highlights." He snickered and went on his way.

After he said that, I just stand there—mind blank. Contemplating whether it was supposed to be a compliment or an insult.

Or it could be both.

Regardless, I felt my blood rush to my cheeks. After all, I'm still a teenager who likes to romanticize the life.

I sat on my seat and thankful that I knew none of the students near me. The show was about to start. Turns out that this is the program that was held every year for fundraising.

With that knowledge in mind, it made me wonder why the president gave the ticket to me for free.

He's not hitting on a kid, is he?

After a few more moments, the show started. The MCs were Jin—the president and Sandeul—his classmate. He wasn't member of the council but his skill being the MC and chemistry with Jin makes the show better than ever.

The performers really did great. Some danced meanwhile the others sang. It made me wonder what will Yoongi perform. There were some rumors that I've heard before that he likes to compose his own songs—mostly rap. With his quiet and calm demeanor, I've never thought he's the type to listen to hip-hop.

Maybe he'll rap one of the songs of Snoopy Dogg— whatever he's called.

After another set of performers, it was Yoongi's turn. Going up on stage, the other staffs helped him to lift and set his keyboard. My eyes widened at the sight, not fully expecting him to play a keyboard.

He was dressed in an oversize Nirvana shirt, black hoodie draped over his body, loose cargo jeans, and sneakers completed his whole look. His bangs falls on his brow making it look like it was newly trimmed.

Yoongi cleared his throat before speaking, "I made this song a couple of weeks ago so, it might still sound kinda bad." He chuckled and turned to look at his side. It seems like him and Jin were having a duet.

Yoongi started playing a few notes, his eyes were close—feeling every emotions as he played every keys. The way his fingers glides smoothly, hitting every note and the sound was so melancholic. He looks like a professional, his muscle memory working all throughout.

"It sucks when you don’t have anything you want to do

I know it’s pathetic to not have something as common as a dream, I know

You said to do as I’m told, that it would all be fine when I go to university

I’m the asshole for believing those words

I live because I can’t die"

He only rapped a few lines, yet I could feel it. The uncertainty, fear—the emotions I've been feeling every night before I fall asleep. It was just a few lines and I'm already relating to it.

"So far away if I have a dream, if I have a dream that flies away

Don’t fall away if I have a dream, if I have a dream that flies away," Jin sang his heart out with every lyric.

"The only thing everyone around me says is to come to my senses

I try to take out my anger but the only one here with me is me so what’s the point of venting" Yoongi rapped as he played the keyboard.

Every lyrics of his, stabbed me like a sharp knife. As the song goes on, I could feel my tears threatening me to fall.

"Dream, may all of creation be with you til the end of your life

Dream, wherever you are, will welcome you

Dream, may your trials end in full bloom

Dream, though your beginnings might be humble, may the end be prosperous," he sounded like he was whispering a thousand promises.

"So far away,

First love"

Yoongi's repetitive lyrics with Jin's melodic voice creates a harmonious sound that echoes across the auditorium. The sound was so melancholic, I could feel my heart ripping itself. While watching their performance and listening to his heart reckoning song, I couldn't help but to let my tears flow.

Our eye met.

His brow twitched—might've been confused on why I was crying.

I quickly looked away, looking everywhere but him. As I did, I saw everyone. They all somehow look... sad? To my surprise most of them could relate to the song. It seems like I wasn't the only one who is lost in this life. Everyone was going through it.

"I still can't believe I self-taught myself to learn one song to play on the piano just to impress him." I scoffed as I stared at the old piano on the corner of the house. "I didn't even get to show it off on him..."

I gently played the keys of the only song I know to play. Using my muscle memory so hard to remember every key of it.

A sudden tap from behind made me flinch a bit. I turned and was faced by my younger brother.

"Noona, let's eat," Jungkook smiled—a rather forced and bittersweet one. Every year, he's like this. Acting so awkward.

I nodded and followed him to the kitchen. As usual, my mom made my father's favorite food. A subtle reminder of what was this table used to be.

But all I see is poison.

A tight knot forms in my chest every time I'm in this house. I was the one who broke it, that's why I can't really blame my mom that she couldn't even spare me a glance.

It's already Spring. A new beginnings for the others—another season to continue this suffocating life for us. A constant reminder of what we lost. We never really had that "fresh start"—not even when I left for States.

Everyone told us to move on, but how can I when every time I close my eyes, I could see it—feel it. It was so vivid, it made my skin crawl.

I hate spring. Despise it even.

Why is everyone having the "restart" and "new life" while I'm still stuck on the past and it keeps dragging me back. Dragging me to its black hole until I feel nothing but agony.

We all gave our respect to the deceased before we ate in silence. The silence was so deafening, the tension was so thick—it could slice anything. Anyways, it was only normal. It happens every time in this day of the year. The only time when we all get to eat together is during our late father's death anniversary yet, none bothers to speak.

In the middle of our lunch, my phone rang. I peeked at my phone and saw Yoongi's number. I heard my mom sigh and turned it off immediately. We're already not on good terms and I don't want it to worsen.

I put it on mute for a while so we won't get disrupted. It might be just me but, I could still remember how my dad would always tell us to turn off our phones when we all eat.

Part of me wishes the he's still here to scold me... A big part.

After eating, I helped Jungkook on washing the dishes. We practically just spent the time on each other as our mom, as usual, too busy mourning.

The sun was about to set and I already planned to go home. I knocked on her door and went inside to bid a goodbye. After all, she's my mom.

"Eomma, I'll go now–"

"It's your father's anniversary and you can't even spend the rest of the day in your family's house?" She cut me off, still refusing to look at me.

Ignoring her words, I forced a smile and pecked her head. "Take care." With that, I just left.

There's no point of staying nor arguing. I'm already exhausted and pretty sure close on snapping. I have to breathe. Distract myself. I tried to recall what Yoongi told me to do whenever I feel frustrated.

Think of happy thoughts.

I tried to think—hard. But my mind was too occupied by the negative ones.

"Breathe... Inhale... Exhale... Just happy thoughts... Happy... Happy... HAPPY. FUCKING. THOUGHTS– UGH!" I groaned as I drove off with my radio blasting Happy by Pharrell Williams.

The song was on loop until I reached my house. It sure didn't help and only made me a thousand times more mad.

When I get inside, I went straightly to my room and threw myself on the bed. Too exhausted by today's event. After a long moment of silence and almost falling asleep, I remembered that Yoongi called.

I took out my phone from my pocket and mindlessly dialed his number. After a couple of rings, he answered.

"Hey." Yoongi greeted me in his oh so soft but deep voice.

"I just called back 'cause I didn't get to answer your call earlier. You okay?" I replied.

"I'm fine... What about you?"

"Just tired..." I mumbled in reply.

"I bought too many tangerines earlier and I knocked on your door to give it and I didn't know you left so... I'll just give it to you later."

I chuckled after hearing his reason. "Thanks. That's really thoughtful. You're being too good on this "good neighbor" stuff, huh?" I teased and I heard a soft chuckle on the other line.

"The sunset looks so beautiful right now." Yoongi randomly uttered which made me confused. "Go to your balcony. Promise, the view will help boost your endorphins"

I opened my window to the balcony and stepped outside. Across me, is a grinning Yoongi with his phone on his ear.

"Look at the sunset, not to me," he chuckled.

I rolled my eyes before replying, "You're house is literally right in front of mine. Not that I intended to look at you."

Another chuckle from the other side. His soft giggles are enough to boost my endorphins.

I then turned my head to look at the sunset. Yoongi was right, it's beautiful. The colors of the sky start to mix in beautiful hues of blue and red.

"If you were to choose, sunrise or sunset?" I asked Yoongi while my attention was still focused on the view.

There was a long silence before Yoongi spoke again, "I prefer sunsets. In contrast of sunrise being the symbol of new day, the sunset tend to symbolize that the day has come to an end. Everything's done already. Leaving nothing but serenity."

I hummed in agreement while appreciating the beauty in front of me. "You could be a poet."

Yoongi chuckled in response, "What about you? Sunrise or sunset?"

"Hmm... I dunno, both looks like an egg yolk..." I said in a rather genuine tone. And in my defense, it really does look like that. I turned to look at him and he was laughing—gummy smile beaming at me.

His laugh echoed through my phone. "Are you too hungry, Ms Jeon, to be unable to have a poetic conversation?" Yoongi teased.

"Ha ha, I'm no poet like you." Sarcasm filling my voice as I frowned at him.

On the other side, Yoongi raised his arms on surrender—in attempt to annoy me more. Then he composed himself first before speaking again, "Do you want to eat dinner together?"

I gave it a thought for a while. I'm not actually hungry and I don't think I have the appetite. However, Yoongi was looking at me—with hope? Hope that I would agree.

He must've been feeling lonely when he eats alone...

I was never really the type to eat every meal since I get too busy and not the type to eat while working. But with him—occasionally asking me if we want to eat together, I couldn't help but find myself enjoying those meals. I've always been a glutton ever since I was a kid, something that Jungkook and I have really in common. That's why in every meal, our parents would cook a lot. We eat at least five times a day in those times. But ever since it happened, every meal I had felt cold and sickening.

I smiled at him, "Sure, only if you'll cook."

Yoongi smiled back and nodded.

"You know what, we're like in that one music video of Taylor Swift, execpt that we're in the balcony and we use phones." I joked before hanging up my phone to change my clothes first before going to his house.

Once I changed into more comfortable clothes, I went straight and knocked on his door. Seconds after, Yoongi opened the door with a bowl in his hand.

"I was thinking whether to cook korean or western food. What do you think?" He said as he let me in.

We both went to the kitchen while still contemplating what to eat.

"I think I could use some western. I've been eating k-food since early in the morning. I just took a bite of every meal my mom made and it already made me full. That's how much she cooked." I groaned as I sat on the stool. "I think I've tasted every part of korea."

Slowly, I'm starting to open up on him more even if we don't have an appointment. But I still left out some parts that are just not meant to be told. Like for this one, I didn't tell him that it's my father's death anniversary and that is why I was at my parent's house.

Yoongi chuckled, "But I don't think you've tasted Daegu yet." He propped himself up on the table, leaning a bit before speaking in a teasing tone. "Do you know what's tasty in Daegu?"

Uh... You?... AHHHH FUCK FUCK FUCK WHY THE FUCK THAT WAS HOT AHHH FUCK FUCKKKK ME(?) KNOWING THE FACT THAT HE'S BORN THERE DOESN'T HELP AHHHH SHIT SHIT I'M GONNA SHIT AHHHHH

I kept a straight face in contrast of my mind that's going wild. "Enlighten me..?"

Yoongi shook his head and leaned back. Softly giggling, he took out some ingredients. "Maybe some other time. You want western then we'll eat western. You're my guest after all."

"Hmm... I'm surprised you still consider me as a guest."

He raised a brow and nodded—as if realizing something. "You know what? I should be actually charging you now."

I rolled my eye and pretended to attempt to leave. "I could always just go..."

Yoongi grabbed my shoulder and chuckled. "I was just kidding. You know you're my VIP"

I faced him and raised a brow.

"Very important problem," he shrugged and went back on finding ingredients.

For tonight, we planned to make a creamy pasta and steak. While making the meals, our laughs and giggles echoed through the kitchen. We tried so hard not to mess while cooking—refraining ourselves to start a food fight.

And for a moment, I felt at ease. The pain was still lingering but with him by my side, it's bearable.

The meal was served. We're sat on the stools beside each other, with wines on our hand, we cheered.

Yoongi raised his glass to clink his to mine, "To our..." he paused. "What should we dedicate this to?"

"Erm... future?" I shook my head, letting out a chuckle. "I dunno... anything's fine."

He nodded and raised his glass one more time, "To our friendship."

Before I could even react, he already clinked his glass to mine. Sipping the red wine, I only stared at him out of confusion. My mind was slowly processing his words. Too slow to my liking.

Friend? He's now considering me a friend??

A bright tint of pink creeps my face and when he noticed, I just blamed it to the alcohol. Yoongi was probably confused since the wine has a really low alcohol content.

"Uh... What's your thought about the taped banana on canvas?"

His question amused me. Pretending to think, I replied, "That it sucks. Honestly, I know that if I'll sell a blank canvas, some moron would buy it and the "experts" would interpret it as someone's life. Like how it reflects their mind—just blank. Your question is kinda interesting but also random," I chuckled and took a bite of the steak.

Yoongi rubbed his nape, "Sorry, I just don't know what topic we should talk about..."

It was still a wonder to me how this man is a psychologist, he could've thought of any subject yet, he wanted me to lead. Like he's playing safe.

Does he remember? Does he not want to say anything that could lead to that topic?

I placed my utensils down and thought for a bit on what we should talk about. "Well, uhm... What are you up these days? We haven't really talk that much ever since..."

My memory came back just a few hours after we came back from Mr Juanito's that day. Shame washed over me that I couldn't look at him for days—practically hiding from him at any cost.

"Just my usual stuff. Met some patients, spent my time on the clinic... Oh- That reminds me of something." Yoongi stopped eating as well for the meantime. "I didn't know you and Hobi were friends." He smiled cheekily.

"Sorry— who?" I tilt my head in confusion.

"Hobi. Uh... Hoseok."

Then it hits me. He was talking about the client I had a few weeks ago.

I clasped my hands and nodded, "Right... I remember him. Jung Hoseok, right?" I paused for a bit before asking again, "How did you know that we know each other?"

Yoongi gulped the food he took before speaking, "We were at our friend's party and he showed us a picture of you two."

"But we weren't really friends friends. He was more like a client of mine. I mean— he's a nice guy though," I explained. For some reason, I felt the need to explain.

He just made an "Oohh..." sound and didn't press the topic.

In the middle of our dinner, my phone vibrates through my pocket.

Why do people like to disturb me when I'm eating?

I took my phone out and saw the caller's ID. It made me frown upon seeing it.

"Jungkook?" I mumbled and answered the call.

"Noona, where are you? I'm at your house right now... and your car's here too." Jungkook said from the other line. He must've been confused since I always take my car wherever I go, unless I'm meeting a client with Jimin.

"You...Y-you're here??" I stuttered and it only made me sound more suspicious.

Yoongi glanced at me and I just gave him an apologetic look.

"Yeah... Eomma told me to give you the foods she have wrapped." Jungkook clicked his tongue before speaking again. "I can't believe you guys always make me the delivery guy."

"Just leave it there. I'm at my friend's house." I firmly said, wanting to end the call right away.

After a round of arguing with Jungkook since he's interrogating too much, Yoongi chimed in without even thinking, "You can just go to your house right now. It's just across here anyways and it seems like that's urgent." he softly chuckled and my heart fluttered at him being so thoughtful as always.

" "Across here??" Wait- Are you with your neighbor's house right now? Really, noona??" Jungkook laughed his ass out. He might've heard Yoongi's voice through the call.

Before I could even hang up the phone, he already did. It caught me off guard but relief washed over me soon after. Thankful that Jungkook's annoying ass stopped bothering me.

As I was about to take another bite of my food, the door bell rang.

"I'll take it." Yoongi stood up and went to the front door while I'm left in the kitchen—munching the food we made.

Not even a minute after, I heard him call out my name. I quickly rushed over him and immediately stopped my tracks once I saw the figure of the boy I've known ever since.

"Annyeong, noona!" Jungkook grinned. "You didn't tell me that Yoongi hyung is your neighbor." Walking inside and before he could even pass me, I grabbed his wrist.

"And where do you think you're going?" I raised my brow. If only those things in cartoon where characters let out flames through their nose and ears when they're mad are also visible in real life, the house would be burning right now.

"To the kitchen, where else? Hyung invited me over too." Jungkook tried remove my hand but my hold only tightens, "A-ah..!" he yelped.

Once I felt a hand on my shoulder, I released him right away.

"I uh... invited him. Yeah."

With Yoongi's soft response, I went back to the kitchen. Jungkook sat beside Yoongi—obviously avoiding me. Yoongi served him the meal and sat between us.

"So, how's the food?" he asked while slicing his steak.

"We cooked it together, of course I'd say it's great—the best even."

"Nah-uh, he's asking me, noona." Jungkook's remark made me glare even more at him. "But I gotta say, it's pretty good."

This kid is really testing the waters...

Yoongi tried to break the tension by clasping his hand in enthusiasm. "You're really grown now, Jungkook. It's been years since we met. I'm surprised that you still remember me."

"Hyung, how can I forget you when noona have her drawings pinned to her wall. That time when I saw you, I was surprised that the guy on her drawings actually exist." Jungkook snickered as he subtly eyed me.

He should be thankful that Yoongi is between us so there's only a little chance that I'll rip his hair. If there's one thing I hate so much about Jungkook, that's his big mouth.

The dinner went great. Filled with laughter, sassy remarks, and telling each others stories. It was a fun night, even if it wasn't supposed to be, knowing what day it is today.

After having dinner, we helped Yoongi clean the dishes, thanked him for the night, and went straight home—which is literally just across us.

"Did I ruined your date with him?" Jungkook teased as he plopped himself on the couch.

"Date? It wasn't a date—just a simple dinner." I clarified, plopping on the couch beside him.

Jungkook clicked his tongue—frowning at me. "You guys aren't..?" I shook my head which made him frown more, as if he was deep in his thoughts. "That's... weird. I mean—I saw it. The way he looks at you, the way he smiles-- I uh... Noona, did you know how many times I tried to get all of his attention to test him?"

"Yeah I saw you how you were such an attention seeker—but test him? Wha-"

Jungkook cut me off by exclaiming, "Exactly! Yet he always finds his way to look after you. Most guys wouldn't do that unless they're interested with the girl."

"He probably just didn't want me to feel left out since I was the first one he invited in the first place."

He groaned and grasped my shoulders, "Noona, he was giving you the looks!! I saw it!" Then he exasperatedly sigh. "Gosh how are you so oblivious?? I'm a man now and well, I uh.. sometimes, does that too."

I shook my head, not wanting to be deep in delusions. "Well, whatever you saw, you saw it wrong. Should I gift you some glasses?" I mocked, not playing with his games. Even I was surprised to hear these things from him.

Jungkook sighed and stood up, walking somewhere that leads to my room. "I'll sleep here for tonight. G' night."

"Stop right there, kid. You're leaving eomma alone tonight?"

He stopped his tracks. Turning back to face me, he pouted like a sulky child. It was one of his habits that he never realize he had. "As usual, eomma would just stay in their room. Besides, I already told her. If you're so worried, why don't you go to her?"

I threw a cushion at him, not expecting that he would say such thing. Especially that he knows my relation with my mother.

"Ouch-" Jungkook yelped when the cushion hit him. "It's been years, Noona. Don't tell me you still blame yourself. It wasn't your fault," he uttered and left to go to my room.

"I can't believe I still let this big guy share a bed with me..." I mumbled but my thoughts were still lingering on his words.

Is it really okay to accept that? Was I really not the one to blame?

Taglist: @choijay-07 @sanarin @yooforeaa @this-most-assuredly-counts @minniejim @amarawayne @peacenpigeons @take-u-2-an0ther-w0r1d @rottingbedpost @emirawht

[jackalopc]

tangentially related but when I was briefly going to school for art therapy, I learned something that has stuck with me and it's how children will draw the sun in pictures. which is apparently how the child draws the sun in their pics often reflects their current relationship with their father/father-figure. examples of what I mean:

so if a kid makes the sun as fully-showing, it's a clear like feature of the picture (like in the example above), they likely have a good, solid relationship with them, and they're present and active in the child's life.

if it's in a corner and/or not fully visible because it's blocked by something, etc. then that could indicate that they feel some distance of some kind, like perhaps it's a literal and physical distance or less literal and more emotional.

admittedly, i only took an introductory class and it was nearly 10 years ago, so I don't have tons of details, and I don't know the exact studies, so apologies for that.

now it's obviously not necessarily a 100% guarantee indicator of what's going on in a kids life; but it is something that we subconsciously do even, without deeper understanding of things like symbology and historical knowledge, etc. and something we humans do often enough that therapists can use things like art to help gain insight into how their client is feeling (of any age).

like it might seem cliche but there is a reason that in art (of any kind, written or visual etc) we associate different elements to certain feelings and state of minds. we have centuries upon centuries of built-upon experiences and subconscious associations. its why if we see an scene with lots of bright, warm colors with upbeat music and the narrator have a lighter voice we know without even thinking that the immediate emotions were supposed to associate with the scene are things like happiness, enthusiasm, being energetic, etc. without the narrator or any characters looking right at the camera going "wow I feel so happy and energetic right now!"

even when say like colors or anything else can have contradicting symbolism (ex: blue = calming, sadness; yellow = joy, cowardice; etc) -- we can use the context clues of other symbology and the situation to better inform which we're supposed to relate it too.

it's also why media made to specifically skew/warp this idea can hit so hard. like the songs that sound super upbeat and happy just off vibes, but then you listen closer to the lyrics, and it's like actually kinda depressing as shit.

so anyways to go back to the og post & build off that lovely addition: yeah, even if someone was just high as a kite - it doesn't turn off their brain or subconscious! not knowing the historical symbology and use of something doesn't mean we can't intuitively utilize it.

plus as an added point for just, yk, reality... people proof read their work?? like even if someone wrote something while under the influence, they clearly like it enough for whatever reasons to keep it. likely then polishing it up further (or even look at it go 'wow this is shit but I like the overall idea so I'm gonna rework it'; and everything between).

[deoidesign]

.

[gxlden-angels]

Bro I hate fundamentalists and culturally-fundie parents they'll say shit like "spare the rod spoil the child am I right haha yea my parents used to have to beat my ass with a switch almost everyday but I sure did learn my lesson" but like??? no you didn't??? you were hit multiple times for something you very obviously did not, in fact, learn

Like studies about how harmful even lightly spanking children is aside, you're literally contradicting yourself?? Some even admitted they got worse as they got older cause they wanted to see how far they could push their parents before they got punished

And studies not aside, you're gonna get child raising advice from the same book that tells you to stone your wife if her hymen doesn't break on your wedding night instead of the decades of research we have now?? Just say you're a bad parent and move on my guy. Skill issue

[musical-chick-13]

.

[pollen]

i've been diving a lot deeper into adhd symptoms and comorbidities and misdiagnoses and whenever i tell my boyfriend something i learned that sounds like me he responds with something like

[hiddenmoonbeam]

love waiting for a phone appointment and the clock ticks past the set time....... 15 min now.... is her day busy and delayed, will she call in a sec or in half an hour instead? is she for some reason not calling at all but I didn’t get notified? has she forgotten? no idea and there's no way for me to call so I just have to wait.....

[asinglesock]

sometimes the horrible feeling in your stomach is anxiety but sometimes the horrible feeling in your stomach is because you are hungry. and sometimes you are both anxious and hungry. if you eat you might still be anxious but you will no longer be hungry.

[superfluouskeys]

i am literally a hopeless case LOL

[tokyoteddywolf]

22 isn't very much at all, I think.

[that-tall-queer-bassist]

I swear every time i write something - be it a poem or song or fanfic or short story or essay - i learn something new about myself, or reveal something about myself that i don't notice for months or years until i look back and its like a neon fucking sign screaming at me, begging me to notice.

anyways. had some revelations today.

[chronomally]

If we hit Martin Li in the head hard enough, the resulting concussion will make him forget Oscorp's role in his parents' death, defeating the desire for revenge inside of him that fuels his powers as Mister Negative