#to the point of it truly hindering anything happening in the scene and everythings just weird introspection

[leslie057]

finished a long-ish comic for @jancyweeks … now time to try and write some fic?

[familyagrestefanblog]

Jackady: The importance of the father-son hug scene

One of my favorite Adrien-Gabriel moments to this day is still the ending scene of "Jackady" but I have seen more confusion for it than clarity in the Fandom so here is my analysis on it for why I love it so much. Because as the seasons go by this moment sustaines so much more significance that I simply HAVE to talk about it!

While it isn't the only Adrien-Gabriel scene that does it, I adore this scene because it shows perfectly that in the beginning their little, broken family could have made it out of this tragedy stronger and maybe even better but the reality that Adrien and Gabriel are also Chat Noir and Hawkmoth not only hinders those chances, it actively drives them further apart into destruction

Maybe one day I'll give all my thoughts to the entire scene and just go on a rambling post about it (because I love EVERYTHING about this scene) but for now, let's just focus on the main aspects that really sell it to me.

I give Gabriel alot of shit on my blog for obvious reasons. I refuse to generally give him the same positive and conciderate treatment as Adrien, Marinette and the other kid characters because unlike them HE is an adult, a father and the villain of the show. The adult and villain part I'm not taking too personal because those are "just" the traditional aspects of his character type. But what is incredibly unique about him is the fact that even if he is this evil villain type he still gets to be the realistic type of abusive and (truly) bad father with sympathetic moments like this:

This moment of shock and fear is not something you would normally see in a family cartoon from an evil parental figure the child longs to bond with without setting the parent up for redemption. But as we now know by s3, Gabriel is only getting increasingly worse and more abusive and Adrien is starting to let go of his father to move on without him and defying his will. It's quite clear now that their future will not be anywhere near good, "Chat Blanc" showed us what's to come.

And this is exactly why I love this scene. Because, yes, this family will go up in flames and never truly reconcile ever again (Gabriel went WAY too far for that in the way he abuses/will abuse Adrien) but the show doesn't shy away from showing us the transitional phase in between which really not alot of media dares to. Normally when they stay enemies or their situation doesn't end in an at least somewhat forgiving way this transition is simply mostly skipped to not having to let the bad parent have realistic and sympathetic moments in their downfall into madness/villainy (especially with their victim).

Miraculous does and it's beautifully tragic because you can just... SEE the situation unfold and understand where the eventual fate of the family comes from.

The pure misunderstanding between these two in this scene, the way they just talk RIGHT PAST each other because the other one can not understand the problem cuz they don't know the secret identity of the other one is... brutal!

This moment here could have worked for them. It could have been a genuine step forward in their relationship and saved their family but it got completely CRUSHED by their secret identities as Chat Noir and Hawkmoth.

Let me show you what I mean:

THIS is a moment I AM giving Gabriel genuine credit for, because you can turn it any way you want it won't change the fact that, for his situation, THIS was the right question to ask his son. But at the same time it's just such a... horrible thing to say here oh my GOD.

And that's the ugly, UGLY beauty here.

If Gabriel weren't Hawkmoth (if someone else were Hawkmoth so the situation would still have happened) he would not have reacted to the fucking ring. He would have thought nothing of it and had remained focused on Adrien, because that was his original intention (problematically executed but that's beside the point now).

After Gabriel got himself in life threatening danger because he didn't listen to Adriens concerns, he went to him to hug him as apology. THIS is Gabriels way of apologizing and trying to make up for his faults. He's obviously not good at verbalizing his feelings properly and at normal interpersonal dynamics in general. So what he does is trying to make his feelings known in a... "material/physical" way. This does not only show through Gabriel just buying the best things for Adrien without ever being there for him, it also shows in the way he physically interacts with his loved ones when he genuinely wants to show his love. Because for how seriously antisocial and unreachable as he normally is, he also gets... quite touchy.

The shoulder touch thing Adrien does as well to show his affection for someone, him hugging Adrien both times he got a wake up call and literally everything thats happening between him and Natalie at this point lol.

Him hugging Adrien here is just as much of a big deal as Adriens expressions make it seem to be

But the father-son moment couldn't last because the villain-hero alter egos interfered. Gabriel being Hawkmoth rightfully stopped the moment here, because reacting to even the slightest chance of your own child being the hero you try to destroy is undoubtedly the right way to handle this (even if the way he did it wasn’t ideal, that's not something I would expect from any character in that situation), but nevertheless it still utterly crushed the moment.

Cuz just because it is the right thing for HAWKMOTH to ask his son Adrien who he fears COULD be Chat Noir, doesn't it mean that it is anywhere close to okay for Adrien/Chat Noir to hear this very question in that moment from his father who he thinks as a normal civilian in this.

And Adriens expression once again makes this perfectly clear

(You know the offense just reached an other dimension when the kid, who is already well aware and used to their fathers emotionally painful ways, makes a face like THAT)

Cause here is the thing. We all know by now that Adrien has some serious self esteem issues and that while he tries to over play it (especially as Chat) he just doesn't hold himself in high regards or even likes himself very much. Hence why he goes all out on the acting as Chat Noir and doesn't defend himself much.

But just because he doesn't like himself that much doesn't it mean he still doesn't want that very validation and appreciation from his father. Just like all of us and everyone on earth, Adrien wants to be loved for himself, even if he doesn't/can't do it himself. Thats normal and is something that can deeply damage you when you don't get it from your own parent/s.

So tell me, do you see why Adrien was so CRUSHED when in probably the first time since his mother's disappearance Gabriel gave him the genuine and all present love he wanted for so long, just for Gabriel to cut their moment short and FOCUSE ON THE RING?

The one thing on Adrien that makes him become "someone else" so he can escape from having to be himself for a bit.

And for Adrien it now seems like that in his own fathers eyes this ONE thing Gabriel shouldn't even know could be anything special about if he weren't Hawkmoth, is the ONLY thing worth noticing about his own son so it catches his eyes.

It tells Adrien right to the face that nothing Adrien was and did to make his father happy up to this point measured up with Gabriels expectations. All of Adriens efforts, his patience and his hopes of earning his fathers love and happiness if he only does well enough, literally in vain. It wasn't enough. It's wasn't enough for Gabriel to notice in comparison to the ring apperently.

From Adriens view you can interpret it two ways:

1. Since earlier Gabriel also took a closer look at Chat Noirs ring Adrien now thinks correctly that his father is seeing his new ring as a sign that he could be Chat Noir. This would mean that in Adriens eyes Gabriel would have cut their moment, an action of validation and love Adrien has longed, worked and patiently waited for so LONG, short and basically forgot all about Adrien himself because there is a SLIGHT possibility that Adriens ring means he COULD be Chat Noir. His own father literally choosing his secret identity over his civilian one as Adrien, the son Gabriel had for 14 years, is beyond crushing. And while it seems strange for Adrien to take offense in this because, well, he IS Chat Noir so what the big deal? The big deal here is, again, that as Chat Adrien is literally trying NOT to be himself. He uses the opportunity of being an anonymous hero to escape from having to be Adrien Agreste in every way he can. Gabriel throwing aside the son who is literally standing in front of him and who did his darn best to be there for him in his own time of grieving his mother to basically only focus on Chat Noir (a person Gabriel in the end of the day shouldn't and doesn't know) possibly being his son, is such a fucked up scenario to throw onto Adriens already low self esteem what the actual fuck.

Or 2. That Adrien simply takes his father choosing to focus on his "simple" new ring out of all things as a clear "I see nothing else worth noticing in you, so to keep this conversation up I have to grasp at straws so I guess I'll be taking about your new ring".

No matter how one chooses to interpret the moment, it's equally as much of a "fuck you" either way. I know Gabriel could have said worse here, but honestly, the list isn't that long.

So when after this Adrien reacts like this:

It should really not come by any surprise. Although, no, it is kind of surprising. Surprising that Adrien didn't react alot worse than this. What Gabriel just threw at him is like the verbal equivalent of a loved one reaching out for you with a hand so they can caress your cheek but the moment you lean in they follow it up with a punch to the face.

It shows just how well Adrien has his emotions under control and is able to stay level headed under such great offense that THIS is the level of irrationality and anger he expresses after basically being out right disregarded by his own father (which should be of no surprise either, as Chat Noir Adrien has to put up with a whole lot of disrespect as well and there he for literally 95% of the time has to shrug it off as well).

But no matter how bad Gabriels line here was, it has nothing and I mean NOTHING on the awful way Gabriel then decides to react to Adriens appropriate but still very mild response.

Because THIS is the moment that sets up Gabriels betrayal and downfall as both a person and especially as a father. Up to this point Gabriel was a horrible person as well, no question. The entirety of s1 he already worked as Hawkmoth, manipulating people, putting them in great danger and planning the demise of two teenagers with sadistic glee. But still one has to acknowledge the difference in these two situations.

In one Gabriel is hiding in a secret lair, manipulating people he thinks beneath him to do the dirty work for him and fight two anonymous heros he just wants to get rid of to reach his goal. Gabriel is taking so much pleasure out of terrorizing Paris and it's people because he legitimately doesn't give a single fuck about them or holds any kind of personal connection to them either. He never goes outside and is very antisocial so these people and their city mean nothing to him because they ARE nothing to him. His (self chosen) isolation and lifestyle pretty much disconnected Gabriel from real life and a normal way of expressing and receiving human emotions. So when there are no emotional stakes for him personally, he sees no reason to not satisfy his villainous desires as Hawkmoth.

So as odd as it may seem to say, him terrorizing Paris prior to this is not the point of crossing the line for his character. For that it's simply to impersonal.

No, the point of crossing the line happens here with Adrien. With Gabriels character things will always come back to Adrien at its core. Adrien (not Emilie, Natalie or anyone else) is the person Gabriel temporarily truly gave up being Hawkmoth for and Adrien is the one person Gabriel has his most human moments with. Not even in his bonding moments with Natalie does he show the same deep and true (misguided) love and affection as he gets to with Adrien in those rare moments (its close no doubt but something about Gabenath is not as deep and true as this father-son pair and I can't imagine it ever will).

This marks the point of no return for Gabriel because it's the first time he chose to deliberately abandon Adrien in the crossfire and decides to be the villain towards him instead of staying there to talk things out with him. It's the first time Adrien truly had Hawkmoth as his father. And Hawkmoth is Chat Noirs ememy so Gabriel fell into that role without Adrien knowing why.

And there is a solid reason for that.

One of the best things of this show is that no matter how horrible things get between these two, things are always much more complicated than a simple "evil father doesn't love his good son" situation. Gabriel calls Adrien "the image of perfection" in this very episode, that's sure as hell not hate or dislike in any way. That's love, that's adoration. This man ADORES his son. And this is were the deep rooted problem lies.

Gabriel loves and adores his SON. The ideal and perfectly perfect son Adrien could become when Gabriel is done forming him into it by suffocating any "imperfections" with an iron fist. It's just that these "imperfections" are always the characteristics that make Adrien ADRIEN. Gabriel may truly love his son but I'm not even sure if Gabriel even so much as LIKES Adrien himself.

And this is perfectly showcased by Gabriel turning away from Adrien in this very scene here.

Because even though Gabriel literally disrespected, shut down and belittled his son for the entire episode he still came to see and hug his Adrien afterwards because he loves him. But HIS Adrien, the perfectly perfect Adrien Gabriel wants him to be, wasn't the Adrien he met up with in his sons room. Instead he got an Adrien with a ring on his hand that could be Chat Noirs, making him possibly one of the two enemies he's trying to destroy.

Adding salt to the "wound" Adrien even backtalks him in a way that undoubtedly reminded him of Chat as well since Gabriel pointed out Chats temper in this very episode.

So Gabriel was very directly confronted with the possibility that Adrien could INDEED be Chat Noir and that naturally comes with the implications that Adrien deliberately disobeyed Gabriels orders accepting that ring, sabotaging Gabriel reaching his goal and in general doing everything his father DOESN'T want him to do BY CHOICE.

And here Gabriel made the decision that marks the point of no return, setting up the devastatingly horrible way this man is treating and will treat his son in the future.

Because this is the moment Gabriel SHOULD have chosen Adrien over his mission. The sheer possibility, no scratch that, even the SLIGHTEST TRACE of a possibility of Adrien being Chat Noir should have immediately made Gabriel take action to save and protect him. Because it's not like Chat hasn't been constantly in dangerous, life threatening or even situations that ended up in DEATH. If Gabriel would truly love ADRIEN his quest would have ended right here, stopping the upcoming horror this family will face before it could have really begun (hence why this was shown to us in an episode of s1, the season where Hawkmoths identity was still unknown. If Gabriel had stopped here not even WE would have known, leaving Gabriels name untainted of Hawkmoths crimes as the Agreste family finally moves on and Hawkmoth dissappeares as suddenly as he appeared.)

because Adrien and his health and life should not be a price Gabriel is willing to risk paying for his goal.

But Gabriel didn't do that.

Because instead of Adrien Gabriel chose the potential perfectly perfect son he wants and turned his back on the one standing right in front of him. Cuz remember what Gabriels goal IS. He wants to change the past, so non of this ever happened in the first place.

Meaning Gabriel turning his back on our present Adrien doesn't mean that Gabriel outright hates Adrien now by the next second cuz he dared to disobey his orders like that. But it means that Gabriel is choosing to separate these two Adriens in his mind, making endangering, hurting and working against THIS Adrien more of a collateral damage than actually hurting his own son. THAT son, the one Gabriel convinces himself he is fighting for, is waiting for him in the past alongside Emilie.

This separation was probably always there since Gabriel started trying to change the past hence why he justifies Adriens unhappiness and the way he abandones him as necessary sacrifices.

But the real separation started HERE, this marks the first time Gabriel just left Adrien behind in a position of complete and deliberate endangerment, knowing that the possibility of Adrien being Chat is still there but choosing to say: "if he indeed is, then that's an obstacle I will have to overcome."

This separation has been developing slowly but steadily through s2 and 3 right to "Chat Blanc" which tells us the future. Me elaborating on this "separation development" though became longer than I want to put in this post, therefore I will go into more depth about it another time.

So let me continue with this:

Adrien is like... Genuinely not even angry. More deeply sad.

He was appropriately and truly hurt when Gabriel only started talking about the ring but once Gabriel turns around and walks away? He looks after his father but more in a way as if he is waiting to see if Gabriel would actually take so much offense in him backtalking him to legitimately LEAVE like this. And Gabriel does.

Adriens intentions wasnt to make his father leave, When he talked back at him it was more of a hurt call out for Gabriel to say more, SOMETHING ELSE, but not to LEAVE!

Adrien then does something very common for people in a fight who wait for the leaving person to turn around again but have to realize that they hope in vain and the other person actually is done with this moment.

His face and body relaxes, he turns completely to the door and seems to... take it in.

Especially in the way Adrien does it here its like he is processing and accepting that what he thought of his father was wrong. Adrien thought Gabriel cared enough for him that he would want to stay even if he backtalks him for example. Adrien expected a conversation here but now had to realize that his father isn't gonna put up with him at all or their differences in an upfront way if Adrien isn't "behaving right". Gabriel will just cut the moment short and deflect whatever conversation with him he doesn't like.

All in all what Adrien took away from this moment with his father is even if Gabriel may care for him (enough to come and hug him as an apology) this care and affection is tightly bound to the way Adrien himself then reacts. If he reacts in a way Gabriel doesn't like he will very quickly deem Adrien undeserving of his affection and take it (and his entire presence) away again.

The way Adrien looks then at his ring also makes me think that he definitely blames himself for how this moment ended. That he "shouldn't have overreacted" and taken such personal offense by his fathers attempt to reconnect with him even if Gabriel hit one hell of a sore point.

This is of course BS. Even if Adrien wasn't Chat Noir the way Gabriel just straight up deflected the conversation to the ring right after the hug, where one normally starts to explain oneself and truly TALK, would have been seriously hurtful even under non-miraculous circumstances.

But it shows how Adrien by instinct immediately starts to invalidate his own feelings to look for the faults in himself. A self-hurtful coping mechanism that unfortunately only gets deepened as the dynamic between these two continues on. 

And lastly it also marks the first time that the ring is truly associated with something bad. Normally (especially so early in the show) the ring stands in association with Adriens freedom and spending more time with people outside, him getting to let loose a little and how he can spend time with the girl he loves. The ring began to loose these positive associations more and more from s2 onward but the first time was here.

It's the object which ruined the moment that could have ended this tragedy before it truly began in both of their eyes and in the viewers. Sure Gabriel being Hawkmoth is the true cause of it and nothing will ever change that but it's Adriens ring, not Gabriels brooch, that sets their separation further in motion. Further as Gabriel initially intended to.

It's the factor Gabriel overlooks Adrien himself for, which is truly brought home by the end scene of "Gorizilla" which serves as a mirror to this one here.

Whereas in "Jackady" Gabriel lost sight of the son right in front of him because of the ring and what its implies, in "Gorizilla" Gabriel thinks he finally received the evidence that Adrien isn't his enemy. So for the first time Gabriel completely disregards the ring, Chat Noir out of his mind, sees ADRIEN for himself and genuinely smiles at him. He can and does make a TRUE attempt at reconnecting!

Which is of course exactly what Adrien wanted for so long, what he hoped Gabriel would do if hes just patient enough with his father. He accepts Gabriels genuine attempt gladly, reassuring his father that he and his efforts are noticed, appreciated and wanted even after everything that happened so they can hopefully go on to a better future.

This is what would have saved this family back in "Jackady" if only Gabriel had chosen the right priority. But as I said before, this moment here happens in s2 after Gabriel crossed the line in Jackady, so this positiv moment can not save them anymore. Both Gabriel and Adrien are already too far in and influenced by their alter egos and the miraculous. So the brief reconnection couldn't last and everything continues to only further fall apart ever since.

And it all began with this beautiful, heartbreaking and tragic moment in "Jackady" these two will never ever be able to truly come back from again.

[nanagoswife]

Please, Don't Go. - Chapter 16

Summary: Obi-Wan is coming back

W/C: 3.3k

Warnings: implied intimacy, angst

A/N: Good news! I'm back with this story. I've had this chapter written for a while, but I felt it was best to wait until I picked it back up before posting it. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy!

- - -

In the next weeks, Obi-Wan spent almost all of his nights with you and Aldoken. It provided your son with something to do when you had to focus on work before joining them.

There were a few days where you would be so backed up that Obi-Wan would put Aldoken to bed. He was a natural. You always knew when he would because the almost constant sounds of giggles died down, plunging the apartment into silence.

On those nights, Obi-Wan would wait before coming up behind you, resting his hands on your shoulders, and coax you into coming with him to bed. Many times, he would insist that you needed sleep. He would bend down and kiss your cheek and gently massage your shoulders until you finally gave in.

That’s why, when you hadn’t been visited by Obi-Wan after the rooms went silent, you were surprised that this routine had been changed. Now, you looked on as Obi-Wan was laying on the couch with Aldoken fast asleep on his stomach on top of Obi-Wan’s chest.

Your heart warmed at the sight as you leaned against the doorway. You didn’t want to ruin the scene, but you didn’t have to. Obi-Wan’s eyes slowly opened when he heard you take a few steps into the room.

“Decide to join the party?” he asked quietly in a teasing tone. Despite wanting to talk to you, he still made sure that he wouldn’t disturb Aldoken. Although it may have seemed like he was asleep, Obi-Wan was truly just laying there. Something was keeping him wide awake, and he didn’t know what.

Giving a light chuckle, you made your way over and knelt beside the couch. Aldoken had his clone doll hugged closely as the other hand was wrapping around his father as best as he could.

Bringing up a hand, you gently brushed away some hair from your son’s sleeping face. “I actually thought I was coming out here to tuck you both into bed,” you replied, moving your hand to place it on Obi-Wan’s shoulder.

He chuckled softly then gestured to the boy on his chest with his head. “Would you be able to help me?”

Nodding, you stood and gently lifted Aldoken just enough so that Obi-Wan could sit up. Once he did, he took care of the rest. You watched him bring Aldoken over to his room, and you were sure that he didn’t even stir the whole time.

While you had waited, you shifted from your crouch to sitting on the sofa. Obi-Wan joined you after softly closing Aldoken’s door behind him.

He sat close and you let your head fall against his shoulder.

“How come you hadn’t fallen asleep?”

The question was intended to be innocent, but, when you looked up at him, there was a serious expression across his face.

“Obi-Wan?” As you sat up and placed a palm to his cheek, he snapped back to the moment, slightly shaking his head.

“I’m sorry darling. What did you say?”

You frowned as he tried to play it off with a smirk. You moved so that you could face him, and he knew his façade wasn’t going to work. So, he let the fake smile drop.

“Is there something wrong?” you ask with genuine concern. Was there something that happened with the Sith Lord? But Obi-Wan had said that he wasn’t needed for anything; that he was on free rein and didn’t have to report to him for a while.

Obi-Wan knew that you were concerned about that, but it’s not what he was thinking about. He wasn’t thinking of anything that lay outside of this apartment. He was thinking of you and what you would say if he brought this topic up. Although he knew you wouldn’t push him away because of this, he still thought that you may not agree to it.

He shook his head, “No, nothing’s wrong.”

Looking down, this was the first time since coming back that he actually saw it. In the almost two months since he’s come back, he never saw how the necklace still wrapped around your neck. He wasn’t sure whether it was because you had always kept it hidden like before, or if you weren’t wearing it until now.

He let his fingers drift down until the kyber crystal was between his fingers. The familiar energy of his first crystal tingled the ends of his fingertips as they grazed along the surface. Obi-Wan wondered if you could feel any bit of the energy, even without being force sensitive.

“Have you always worn this? Even during…” he trailed off. He didn’t want to even mention it anymore. It brought on thoughts that his mind could no longer handle in a moment like this.

“Yes,” you say, comfortingly drawing your thumb in circles over his cheek bone. “Like I had said, I never stopped loving you, Obi.”

With that, he smiled. Maybe you wouldn’t laugh at what he wanted to do.

Carefully, he moved both of his hands close to the necklace’s clasp but stopped short. “May I?”

Since you had a feeling you knew what he was about to do, you nodded. The feeling of his hands at the back of your neck almost sent chills down your spine, but you suppressed them at the moment. There would be a time for that, and it wasn’t right now.

When he lifted it away and now held the pendant in his palm, he couldn’t help but feel certain in his next decision. He wanted to come back to you, and this felt like one of the final steps to putting the puzzle of his life back together.

Obi-Wan moved and kneeled on the ground in front of you. In one hand he held the necklace and the other held one of your hands.

As he looked down at the pendant, he smiled to himself. This necklace had meant so much more than anyone would have thought.

“Y/N,” he started. You had been watching him the entire time with anticipation only building as this went on. “I’ve always felt like I didn’t deserve you. I still don’t feel like I do,” he said, then moved his eyes to meet yours. “But I never let that stop me. I always strive to be what you deserve, and I haven’t met that in recent years. When you let me come back, I made it my priority once again. And now, here we are.”

The hand that held yours moved so that you would now rest your palm on top of the pendant. Making it now cupped between both your hand and his, like it was a promise. One he wouldn’t break as he used an item of the force to bring it to life.

“I don’t expect you to ever agree, but I still want to be in your life. I want to be in our life again. I also know that, in your heart, you never severed this promise. Still, I want to ask one more time in our new life to make sure that your answer is still the same.”

Keeping his eyes locked on yours, he took a deep breath. The build up has been killing you. You wanted to just scream out yes and kiss him like you never would again, but you knew he had to get this out.

Finally, he asked the question you’ve been wanting to hear, “Y/N, even after all of this, will you still marry me?”

“Yes,” you said in a breath.

Smiling, he once again put the necklace around your neck.

“I still hope to get you an actual ring one day,” he said quietly just as he clasped the pendant back. When he pulled back, you gave him a warm smile as you placed a hand to his cheek. His eyes shifted between both of your eyes before leaning in.

It didn’t take long before he was kissing you. There was an intensity behind it that you hadn’t experienced in so long. It was one you fully returned as you felt heat flood to your stomach.

You were so wrapped up in the feel of his lips against yours that you hadn’t noticed as he positioned himself to lift you from your seat. As he stood, you wrapped your arms around his neck as your legs went around his waist.

When you felt his arms around you, resting on your back, a longing filled you. It has been so long since you and Obi-Wan shared a moment like this. After you had found out you were pregnant, nothing had really happened after that. Obi-Wan was worried it would somehow hinder something in the pregnancy.

Now, you were swept up in it all. The feeling as his lips and tongue moved with yours, his body pressed up against yours as he walked to the bedroom, his hand, that wasn’t supporting you, exploring your back until he started to undo your dress.

Once he walked in the room and the door had closed, he stopped, slowly pulling away to look in your eyes.

“Is this alright?”

“Stars, yes,” you said before pulling his face back to yours. He didn’t waste much more time, and neither did you as a trail of clothing from the door to the bed was left in your wake. The feel of his skin against yours was a relief that you hadn’t known you needed.

Just like it had always been with Obi-Wan, he always made his love known. Everything he did, whether it was this moment or making you tea before you woke up, it all showed his love for you.

He always said that he didn’t deserve you, but you often thought about how you didn’t deserve him. In the end it didn’t matter. You had him back. He had you back. Most of all, the two of you loved each other.

-

“I have a favour to ask,” Obi-Wan suddenly said. The two of you had been reading your own books on datapads, you curled under his arm in bed, before this. You had noticed that he had lost focus at one point, but it had been normal. Usually, he had to plan an excuse for the Sith Lord just in case.

Looking up, he kept his eyes on the datapad, although it was unfocused.

“What is it?”

Obi-Wan took a deep breath. He’s been going over this for days after his reunion with Cody. It gave him hope that there would be more than his previous clone commander who would welcome him back.

For a moment longer, he contemplated asking you of this. There wasn’t much you would say no to, he knew that. It was the fact that it relied on another’s reaction. Along with that, thousands of other reactions after he made himself completely known.

Despite having worries, his head and heart agreed in every scenario that he conjured up. He needed help, more help, and that started with you.

“I was wondering if you could try and get Anakin here,” he finally replied while moving his eyes to yours. If you were being honest, you were surprised he hadn’t asked this sooner. With the moments leading up to this, you knew it was because he was scared. He was scared that his old padawan would reject his return.

With a smile, you nodded, “Of course, Obi. Why do you seem so hesitant?”

That was a question he was expecting. It was one that he went over a lot. There were so many different ways he could answer, but one always came out on top.

“I’m afraid he’ll ask why I didn’t go to him sooner.”

A wave of understanding came over you. Even though you knew what he meant, you also knew something he didn’t. Anakin was fine with it.

One day, you had received a long winded apology from Padmé saying that she had let something slip. Assuring her that it was alright, you went over and met with Anakin who was desperate to see Obi-Wan again.

“Anakin,” you said softly while gently holding him by his shoulders, “he needs time.”

“You said that he’s been back for almost three months-”

You cut him off by placing a hand on his cheek. Ever since he was still a small padawan, this was your way of telling him to quiet down and listen before assuming things.

“He has. But he’s still healing,” your continued your soft tone. It was another thing you did that would guarantee he would listen. “It took him nearly a month before he truly came back to me. Give him time, and he’ll decide when he’s ready. I know you miss him, but he needs to go at his own pace. He’ll come around.”

Anakin looked into your eyes with a sad but understanding expression. It was always hard for him to argue with you. Besides, you knew him in ways Anakin didn’t. Unlike you, he still saw his former master like a sort of hero. It kept his attention away from the finer details of Obi-Wan’s personality that you were an expert in.

Once Anakin nodded, you gave an affectionate squeeze to his shoulder before pulling him into an embrace.

“Trust me, I’ll let you know when he’s ready,” you whispered.

Anakin gave a small squeeze before separating himself from your hug. Giving you a smile, he had gone back to the temple.

Ever since that day, Anakin kept his promise. The only other person that knew Obi-Wan was back was Kenth. That interaction was one filled with relief, and one where Baize had accepted that he was wrong. It was anticlimactic, in a way.

Back in the current moment, you gave Obi-Wan a comforting smile. “It will be fine, my dear. He already knows you’ve come back.”

Seeing his shocked expression, you told him about the day filled with Padmé’s frantic messages until you went to talk to Anakin. You made sure to reassure him that his former padawan hadn’t said a word to anyone. The only time he said anything about it, it was with you and Padmé. He didn’t even know that Cody knew.

“So, he’s not mad?” Obi-Wan asked in the most innocent voice you had ever heard from him. It was a tone so mixed with relief, that you saw the storm of concern in his eyes wash away to the calming ocean they were.

“No. He understands. Anakin has been waiting patiently… Well, maybe not patiently, but the closest he can get.”

As you were hoping, that earned a laugh from Obi-Wan. It ended in a relief filled sigh.

“Now, let’s get some sleep. I’ll contact him in the morning and I’m certain he’ll get here right after so rest is recommended.”

Obi-Wan smiled as he looked down at you when you pulled the blanket up over your shoulders. “Alright, my love. Thank you.”

After this, the two of you situated yourselves so that you were comfortably wrapped up in the other. You found comfort in your usual spot against his chest and you used the sound of his heartbeat as a sort of lullaby.

This was what you were going to do, until you noticed that Obi-Wan still had some tension in his body. Sneaking a look at his face, his eyes were wide open and staring at the ceiling. His fingers had also found their way under your shirt and were tracing little circles on the skin of your back.

“There’s still something else that’s bothering you about the visit,” you state.

“Hm? Oh, no. I didn’t mean to disrupt you.”

You pushed yourself up so that you could hang over Obi-Wan, forcing his eyes to meet yours in the low light of the Coruscanti night.

“Obi-Wan, you should know by now that I know when you’re lying,” you said in a lightly teasing tone.

Although he gave a small smirk, it fell almost as quickly as it appeared. For a moment longer, he looked back up at the ceiling. You knew he was trying to put it all together in his mind, so you gave him the time he needed.

It was always interesting to see his thinking process. His furrowed brow that created the adorable little line in between them, the lines just visible at the corners of his eyes, the way his eyes squinted the slightest bit as his lips formed a thin line, sometimes pulled slightly down in the corners, it was all cute in a way. With it all, you knew when he was even just thinking lightly on something. It just wasn’t as intense of a look.

You couldn’t help but think that this was just his general look for when he was focused. It was softer depending on what he was focusing on. It was accompanied by a look of adoration whenever he would look down as he hung over you…

Those weren’t the thoughts to be having right now. At the current moment, there may be something that you should be worried about and he was about to tell you.

Obi-Wan sighed, “I want to ask him if he’ll help me take down Sidious.”

You couldn’t help but freeze. You knew that this moment would come, but you still weren’t expecting it.

“Are you alright?” He knew you were worried, but the change in your expression was enough for him to ask. Usually, you would keep a neutral expression, even after something that would gain immediate reactions from everyone else, until you had truly thought about it.

You went to nod, but you stopped yourself. If you were to say that you were thrilled that he was going to put a full end to this madness, you would be lying. There were so many things that added together to make the moment worrisome, and you had just recently returned to how you were before all of this.

First of all, Sidious was the man at the head of the Republic. Sure, even Padmé had her suspicions, but there’s so many people that love him. Then, there’s the fact that Obi-Wan needed help. And then the only help that was properly qualified for this action was a group that could possibly arrest or maybe even kill him for what he had done.

The most troublesome of them all was that you could possibly lose your fiancé again. Only, this time, you were scared for the more permanent possibility. You knew that Obi-Wan was no longer seeking revenge on the Sith, but it would be impossible to negotiate with only words. This would guarantee that there would be a fight and, depending on what kind of help he gets, can end in the least favourable way.

Obi-Wan watched these thoughts cross over your expression. He could also feel the rapid changes of your emotions that only confirmed what he believed you were thinking.

To try and calm you, he brought a hand to your cheek and used the one on your back to pull you down closer. When your head made its position on his chest, he kissed your temple and rubbed your back comfortingly.

“I love you, Y/N. I won’t leave you again,” he said, muffled against your hair. “No matter what.”

The finality in his words made you relax. It was something that you hadn’t realized you needed to hear.

“Alright,” you whispered as you felt the tug of sleep pulling your eyelids closed as you laid on top of Obi-Wan’s chest. You felt him press one more lingering kiss to your head before you drifted off.

- - -

@stardancerluv @where-fantasy-meets-reality @jaydenwoo @madmax2003 @mackycat11 @generousrunawaydonut @imabeautifulbutterfly @animalgirl05

[darling-i-read-it]

Kaiseki

2x01

Hannibal Lecter x reader x Will Graham 

Hannibal Re-Write Series Masterlist

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: spoilers for hannibal, murder, mental health problems, jail, angst

Author’s Note: Season! Two! This may be a little harder cause Will is in jail and it’s to big a plot point to change. But i love will graham so much dudes. I hope you guys enjoy!

I took lines directly from the script so some may seem familiar. Those sentences are not mine. 

Official Episode Summary : The psychological thriller based on the Hannibal Lecter legend returns. FBI profiler Will Graham has been framed for Lecter's crimes and wants revenge. 

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director 

Tag List: @llperfectsymmetryll​

(not my gif)

“Kaiseki. A Japanese art form that honors the taste and aesthetic of what we eat,” Hannibal said to Jack Crawford as he sat at his table. The lighting of the room was pleasing but also semi threatening. Not that Jack noticed. He wasn’t very good at noticing things. Hannibal himself had noticed that. 

“I feel guilty eating it,” Jack said, looking down at the dish. It was amazingly well put together. It was no surprise that Hannibal had done it.

“I never feel guilty eating anything,” Hannibal said with a small mischievous smile. Jack took a bite and chewed a bit. 

“Can’t quite place the fish.”

“He was a flounder. I last prepared this meal for my Aunt Murasaki under similarly unfortunate circumstances,” Hannibal said. Jack waited for him to go on and when he didn’t he nodded.

“What circumstances were those?” Hannibal shrugged.

“A loss. This is a loss. Will is a loss. We’re mourning a death,” Hannibal said gently. 

“Will’s ‘death’ is on me,” Jack said. Hannibal took a bite of his food and chewed for a moment, considering this.

“It’s on both of us.” 

“I doubt that Y/N would consider you had anything to do with it,” Jack suggested. Hannibal smiled a tad at the mention of your name and the fact that you likely wouldn’t suggest Hannibal was much to blame.

“I tended to be kinder to her and more compassionate to Will,” he said. 

“Abigail thought that you liked them both a bit more,” Jack said chuckling. Hannibal shrugged. 

“We’re all friends.”

“Do you have friends Hannibal?” Hannibal shrugged.

“I had Will. And of course Y/N.” Jack pointed his fork at Hannibal.

“I don’t understand how you managed to stay in her good graces.” 

“I suppose she had about as many friends as I did.” 

“I still can’t comprehend it. Will’s gonna be convicted of five murders. I’ll be convicted of one,” Jack muttered.

“You’re not on trial.”

“I will be. In the halls of the FBI. So will you. According to Will Graham, this was all you. Another place where I’m not sure why Y/N continues to see you.”

“Will was your bloodhound. You can’t ignore where he points.” Hannibal smiled at his plate. “And I do believe you’ll be on a trail in her mind as well.” Jack sighed.

“What’s one more person to convict me,” Jack said.

-

Alana stood beside you. You had a few papers in your hand. The only reason you were still Hannibal’s secretary at all was so that you could have the hours off to come and advocate for Will. Alana handed you another piece of paper and you looked over it. 

“You’re a goddess Alana,” you muttered. In your hands you held all the complaints and disagreements Alana had ever had with Jack about Will. Behind the scenes she had been formally sending in a few letters when she believed, like you, that Will should not have been put into the field.

“You can give Jack all the hell you want but until the FBI looks into it, nothing will happen. And Will’s entire life has changed due to Jack’s actions. It deserves to be documented.” You nodded, a smile gracing your face. She put her hand on your cheek and made you look at her which you did. “You don’t look so good.” 

“Yeah well,” you shrugged. “This has put a rare smile on my face,” you promised. She pursed her lips. She looked into your eyes and moved her hand away but she still looked concerned.

“I’m doing everything in my power to make sure that Will Graham has a fair trial and that he isn’t convicted.”

“Because you think he did it but he wasn’t in the right mind,” you muttered.

“You do too right?”

“I don’t think he did it period.” She shook her head.

“Then who did? And don't’ say Hannibal otherwise I’m going to have to throw you in the hospital.” You shook your head. You felt tired. You hadn’t been getting much sleep. It was probably an attachment issue when it came down to it.  Not being able to sleep beside Will was harder than you thought it would be. The bed always felt cold. Other than that, you had been worried about Will here. Your mind wandered when you tried to sleep about everything that was going through his head. You had the dogs. He had Frederick Chilton. 

“I don’t know who did it Alana. I would like to converse with my boyfriend about that but Chilton has limited visiting hours the bastard.” 

“I’ll try and talk with him. We’re sort of friendly. I think I yelled at him about something a while back but he doesn’t seem to remember it.” You nodded and handed her back the papers on Jack.

“Make him pay.” She nodded.

“I will.”

-

The phone rang as you sat on the porch with the dogs. Winston sat in front of you while the others played and whined at the door. He had been doing that on and off since Will was arrested. You picked up the phone and pet Winston, trying your best to calm him down. 

“Hello?”

“Hey,” Bev said. You tried to make some emotion come out when you spoke next but nothing emerged.

“Hey.” Bev cleared her throat. You didn’t want to fight her. You truly had no interest in it. In fact, Bev had always been in your corner so the worry that she might not be today would have made your heart hurt if it wasn’t already pretty numb with bitterness.

“I just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing,” she said. 

“As well as you may expect. But I appreciate you calling.” She hummed.

“I’m sorry this happened. I know you didn’t ever agree with Jack.” You scoffed.

“You could say that again.” She laughed lightly.

“I’m going to see Will soon. For help on this case. Jack doesn’t know. But I kinda wanted to tell you first so that he didn’t tell you and then you were by default pissed at me.” You weren’t very pleased to hear that but there wasn’t much else you could do.

“I would go in saying you support him or something. He might help you more.” 

“Thank you.” 

-

Hannibal noticed you at the desk. He wasn’t having many patients and didn’t expect to see you. You still had on your coat and looked like you weren’t staying. But still, you looked over the computer and let out a sigh.

“Do you need something?” he asked. You looked up, surprised to see him. He also didn’t look like he was staying. “I thought I gave you a few days off.” He knew he did. He did it explicitly.

“I just thought I left the necklace Will gave me here. I guess not. It’s probably in his car but I have no idea where he put the keys,” you said and laughed dryly in remembrance of sweeter times. “Where are you off to?” 

“I have to go and see a crime scene,” he said. Your eyes went wide and another dry laugh left your lips.

“Nice to see you ‘the new Will Graham’,” you muttered.

“I don’t think Jack intended it to be like that.” You shook your head.

“No because you can’t be nearly as good at it as Will was.” Hannibal was the only person to notice the shift in your emotions correctly. Not from happy to sad. It was from normal to bitter. He would likely see the same shift in Will Graham if he decided to go see him.

“Would you like to come?”

“Is that the best idea? Doing my boyfriends old job with Jack Crawford watching me like I was going to slip up at any given second?” Hannibal shrugged.

“Perhaps it would be good for you. Step where Will once did.” You shook your head.

“Thanks Hannibal but I can’t today. Maybe another murder.” 

“Off to see Will?” 

“Off to attempt to see Will. Perhaps have a fist fight with Frederick Chilton. I’ll decide in the car.” Hannibal laughed lowly and walked over to you. He put a hand on your arm and you leaned into his touch, happy someone was touching you. 

“If you ever need a dinner,” he started and you nodded.

“I’ll call.”

“You’re not worried about what Will says about me are you?” he asked. You shrugged.

“I don't know yet. I just have to talk to him.” Hannibal nodded and you looked up at him. “I care about you Hannibal.” He was silent for a moment and then hugged you, placing his hand on the back of your head. 

“I care about you as well.” And for once, Hannibal was not lying. 

-

Chilton shook his head.

“You will only hinder his therapy,” he said simply. You shook your head and walked up to his desk. 

“Do you think for one second I would do anything that could cause Will to be this bad ever again? I can’t simply not see him.” 

“What if he doesn’t want to see you?” Chilton asked. You were stumped at that. Your face fell.

“Did he say that?”

“Not in so many words. Just maybe that it would be better for you to live a life on your own.” You shook your head and a small smile went over your lips.

“You’re lying.” 

“How would you know?”

“Because I know Will Graham better than anyone in this whole world and he is just conceited and rude enough to tell you to go to hell before saying that about me.” Chilton looked up at you from his spot behind his desk. You stared hard into his eyes.

“Alright,” he muttered. “Once a week. Thirty minutes.” You nodded, happy your point had been made. “Come back tomorrow.” You nodded and turned around, taking your small victory with you out the door.

-

“How was Dr. Bloom’s visit?” Hannibal asked. He sat across from Chilton at dinner in his home. 

“He asked her to hypnotize him to recover memories. This is delicious,” he muttered, pointing at the food. 

“Was he successful?”

“Only in playing Dr. Bloom. It’s sad to see a brilliant psychiatrist fall for such hoary old chestnuts,” Chilton said simply.

“She wants to believe him. I do, too.” Chilton looked disappointed at that and looked down at his plate, then back at Hannibal.

“Will’s girlfriend paid me a visit earlier. She seems like a piece of work. I understand why they go so well together.” Hannibal shrugged. Chilton could tell he was acting as though he were indifferent despite clearly having a side. He just wasn't sure which side that was.

“She’s stubborn but rightly so,” Hannibal said.

“What, you think I should let her see him? I agreed to once a week but I’m still on the fence.” Chilton chewed on a bite.

“I don’t see how it could hurt. In fact, if you plan to utilize the cameras and audio you might get something out of it,” Hannibal suggested. He was very aware that Chilton wanted nothing to do with something he couldn’t get a thing out of. 

Chilton thought this over.

“Perhaps I could give her a few extra minutes. If you think that would be wise.” Hannibal shrugged.

“Maybe I could think about it.”

-

Hannibal sat in the car with you outside of the hospital.

“Will has made accusations against me. Very serious ones,” Hannibal said. 

“Again, I’ll make up my mind about those when I talk with him.” You weren’t sure why you were so nervous. It was just Will. You weren’t scared of Will or anything. Perhaps it was the anticipation.

“But bear in mind who you know me to be,” he said. You nodded and thought really hard about what you knew Hannibal to be. 

“You hid the fact that Abigail killed someone,” you muttered. “Who says you weren’t the murderer after all?” 

“You and Will also hid that. Perhaps you’re the murderer.” 

“If I was the murderer Jack Crawford would be sprawled very neatly across a particular place,” you muttered bitterly. 

“I don’t doubt that,” Hannibal said chuckling. You turned to him and he held your hand, squeezing it once. “Best of luck.” 

You got out of the car.

-

The walk to the cell was a long one. It was odd, the anticipation of knowing Will was so close. When he came into view his eyes were closed. At the sound of your footsteps they opened.

He turned to you slowly and you smiled subtly.

“Where were you?” 

“Fishing,” he whispered. 

“Sorry I interrupted.” He shook his head. 

“I’m glad you’re here. I missed you.” You walked up to the bars and put your hands on them. He did the same, your hands touching. He was warm but not boiling as he had been when he had that nasty fever.

“I only have like, 30 minutes.” He nodded. 

“Step back to the white line ma’am!” the guard at the end of the hall called. You turned around but didn’t move an inch. 

“No!” you called back. Will laughed dryly. 

“You’re supposed to be scared of me,” he whispered. You shook your head.

“Ma’am!” The guards walked over to you and you shook your head angrily, stepping back to the line, so far away from Will. But you didn’t want to be kicked out. 

“I’m not scared of him,” you said to the guard. 

“Doesn’t matter. The white line,” he said to you. You nodded stiffly and he walked away. The distance felt greater than it really was. When the guard closed the door at the end of the hall you stepped back to the bars. 

“You’ve never followed any rules have you?” he asked, laughing. 

“Not once. Now go on.” 

“I resurfaced a memory.” You nodded, gesturing for him to go on. “Chilton can hear us.” 

“That was the memory?”

“No,” he said and laughed a bit. “Just telling you we need to be quiet.” You nodded. “Hannibal shoved that ear down my throat.”

“Abigails?”

“No the other one.” You nodded, accepting your ignorance. 

“And you think he did all this?” 

“I know that they already looked at him and Beverly looked over everything but I know he did this. When i remember what happened to me I can tell you more.” You looked at the ground.

“Did he do stuff to you while I was in the other room?” Will shook his head.

“Don’t blame yourself.”

“I do. I blame myself for letting this happen and if Hannibal, no matter how much I like him, did this to you than how can I ever-”

“Just don’t trust him.” 

“He’s all I have out there. Him and Alana. And the dogs.”

“How are the dogs?” he asked. 

“Winston misses you. Sometimes he thinks he misses you more than I do,” you whispered. 

“You don’t look like you’ve been sleeping.”

“Neither do you. But I like not cutting the hair,” you muttered and messed with his curls. He gripped your hand tighter around the bar. “I wish you could come home.”

“Me too. Honestly.”

“Soon,” you promised. “Alana has some things she wants to look into.”

“And I keep firing lawyers.”

“FBI lawyers,” you corrected. “I would too.” You looked at your watch and he glanced over to it as well.

“20 more minutes,” he whispered. His eyes caught yours and he gestured for you to sit down. You both did. “Tell me about your day.”

2x02

[makeste]

some brief musings on why Kacchan is still going to lose his quirk

(and why that may ultimately be a good thing.)

so first of all, let me just say that Deku and Kacchan are still very much in danger. much as I hate to say it. thing is, Horikoshi didn’t go to the trouble of separating them from the others for no reason. so while it may be a few more chapters until they fall under the cool, calculating gaze of our bloodthirsty mangaka once again, they’re definitely not out of the woods yet.

and in the meantime, while their encounter with Tomura was so brief you almost have to question whether it was completely inconsequential, it did accomplish several things of note:

it scared the absolute SHIT out of the both of them and maybe now they will take this seriously???

it gave Endeavor the chance to learn that there is a thing called One for All, and that whatever the hell this thing is, apparently Midoriya might have it...? kids these days and their nonsense.

it gave Aizawa the same opportunity. ‘Midoriya and Bakugou... is he... after the two of them...?!’ and seeing as those are his kids, it’s a pretty safe bet he’s not going to drop this until he actually gets an answer. (which, honestly, about time??)

and last but not least, it allowed Bakugou to give a rousing speech and to have an internal monologue about how he’s been keeping up with Deku so far and he intends to keep doing so.

which brings me to the main subject of this post.

sorry kiddo. but having an entire scene devoted to establishing that you’re still full of pride, and still keeping pace with your rival, and how you won’t lose, and how he’s still trailing in your shadow same as always...

...doesn’t exactly fill me with confidence that all of that optimism isn’t about to come crashing down around you.

he has come so far. he has grown so much. he’s learned how to save others. he’s learned to acknowledge his own weaknesses. he’s learned how to work alongside his childhood friend rival. and he’s learned how to be selfless in the heat of the moment, even if he doesn’t realize it yet. slowly learning the meaning of “my body just moved before I could think.”

but his ego is still holding him back. his pride, and his desire to win, which I should stress is not at all a bad thing in and of itself (on the contrary, it’s what spurs that very growth I was talking about. it motivates him to keep striving forward, and inspires the others around him to also do their best). but what is bad about it is the way that it’s consistently at odds with his better self. how it hinders his compassion and empathy. because he sees those things as “weak”, and weakness = losing. and nowhere is this more starkly apparent than in his relationship with Deku.

even now, even after all the progress the two of them have made, he still stubbornly persists in doing this bizarre and ridiculous thing of framing every single aspect of their relationship, and every single one of their interactions, solely in terms of rivalry and power levels. of winning and losing. like, it is wild, though. to better illustrate this, please consider the following sample selection of Bakugou Thought Processes.

working together with Deku = losing to Deku (so I won’t do it)

oh no wait, working together with Deku = passing the exam = getting stronger = beating Deku (so I’ll do it)

getting kidnapped = being weak = losing to Deku (so I will be very sad and frustrated about it)

Deku being chosen as All Might’s successor while I bring about the end of All Might = ...do I really need to explain this one lol

[new input!!]: learning from Deku = getting stronger?? = becoming the best hero = beating Deku!! (so I will do it!)

feeling guilty about being a giant shit to Deku = needing to ask for Deku’s forgiveness = losing to Deku (...shit)

worrying about Deku = admitting that you care about Deku = see above = (so I won’t do it) (I won’t) (I won’t)

I really am grateful to this latest chapter for providing that rare bit of insight into the workings of his mind. lulz. 

so yeah! that’s where we’re at, apparently. where we are still at. so how, then, do we eventually move forward from here? and if you look at all of Katsuki’s previous breakthroughs (after his loss to Deku; after he was forced to team up with Deku in the final exam; and after Kamino), all of them only happened after he was brought down a peg. after his walls of ego and pride were cracked, and he was humbled and forced to look at things from the perspective he hates more than anything else. the perspective of “losing.”

and so now his relationship with Deku is being thrust back into the forefront again. and we’re being shown that for him, all of the things he’s learned about What it Means to Be a Hero and What Our Strength is For and etc. etc. etc. are all still jumbled up in this tangled web of thoughts about beating Deku, don’t lose to Deku, I’m keeping up with him, I’m not gonna lose. and again, the problem isn’t that he wants to win! the problem is that all of his own self-worth, his entire self-image, is completely caught up within this one concept.

winning is who he is. being the best is who he is. but that’s all he is. his thought process still doesn’t go any further past there. he can’t answer the question of “what is your strength for” because he doesn’t know. his sense of self is so intricately tied up in the concept of strength because he has always been strong. his fears are so intricately tied to the concepts of losing and weakness because he has always been strong. because he doesn’t know the answer to the question of: but who are you if all of that strength is ever peeled away?

and if he ever wants to be able to answer that once and for all, he needs to gain perspective once again. he needs to lose again. just this one last time.

Deku was once quirkless. Kacchan becoming quirkless would be the ultimate karmic act of balance between them, the ultimate humbling experience. it would force him to shed his remaining pride once and for all, the pride that’s still blinding him and preventing him from figuring out what it is that he’s missing. he’d be forced to reckon with the feeling of being powerless in a world where everyone else has power. forced to try and understand what it is that gives worth to people beyond just strength. forced to finally acknowledge that there are different kinds of strength, something he has always intuitively known since he was a young child (otherwise he would never have feared Deku), but was never was able to fully understand. because Deku’s strength was forged by him growing up in a world where he had no choice but to look within himself in order to find those core, essential qualities that truly make one a hero, with or without a quirk. compassion. selflessness. persistence in the face of doubt. kindness in the face of apathy. hope and courage in the face of fear.

so yeah. it may just be that in order to finally realize what true strength means, Katsuki needs to first let go of his old ideas of strength entirely. and I’d be lying at this point if I said I wasn’t excited about the possibility that this kind of storyline might really be about to happen now. not just because of the angst (although I won’t pretend that isn’t also a part of it because let’s be real), but because no other character in BnHA has come further than Bakugou. no other character has started from such an insane place of “holy shit they’re really doing everything wrong”, only to acknowledge that, and to say “okay yeah, I get it, I want to do better, show me what to do and I’ll do it”, and then to actually do it.

and I want him to continue to grow. I want him to successfully reach the end of his character development journey. and so if this is what needs to happen next in order for him to do that? to reach his goal? to understand what he wants to be, who he wants to be? then fuck it. bring it on.

[panharmonium]

dreamersscape said: 

Firstly, my deepest condolences for what you had to watch last night. I get so eager to know what you might think about some things, I lose track of “Ah crap, but they’ll have to see That Part, too.

Yeah, I didn’t want it to sound like I was knocking Guy for his ‘clumsy’ moments, but just acknowledging that his framework in interacting with the world and people can sometimes cloud his understanding of other people’s circumstances/motives/behavior. I’m glad that came across as I meant it. But exactly! It didn’t ultimately hinder him in supporting his friend through all those rough years and we love to see it!

I love the Guy & Kakashi race episode too! I have so many emotions about Kakashi and the burdens of leadership and how he lost Obito on the first mission he was appointed a captain and how he was always uncomfortable with Yugao and even Tenzo calling him ‘sir’ or 'captain’ sometimes and how right before we saw Kakashi being nominated Naruto says to Sasuke something like “How can I ever become hokage if I can’t even save one friend?” and how much more that would weigh on Kakashi if he applied it to himself…. so obviously looking back on that episode is A Lot, even moreso now… But goofing off with Guy and Guy making it clear that he’ll ALWAYS be there by Kakashi’s side no matter what, that Kakashi’s not alone, Guy’s there if he needs help carrying the burden, is truly exactly Kakashi needed! *insert weeping heart-eyes emoji here*

ASUMAAAA. :( :( :( I’ve been re-watching that part of shippuden, when Kakashi is helping Naruto develop the rasenshuriken, and now I’m thinking of the scene at the hospital where Asuma is trying to gather the courage to ask Kakashi for advice about the Kurenai-and-I-are-having-a-baby situation that Kakashi is completely oblivious to (at least, I think that’s what was being implied) and how the characters’ grief they focus on at Asuma’s funeral are not just team 10 and Kurenai, but also Kakashi… NO IT’S TOO MUCH! 

(BTW, don’t ever feel like you have to respond to everything I ramble about. I love our gush fests, but I don’t want to take up too much of your Naruto-fun space or not be helpful in preserving your experience with the show!) (x)

@dreamersscape Oh gosh, don’t worry at all, you’re not taking up space in any way; our conversations about this show are making my viewing experience MORE fun, not less!  Talking to you is a joy; I’m so happy to have connected with you - it’s amazing to find someone who I really vibe with thoughts-wise; I can’t tell you how happy I am to have someone to share all these Feelings with!  I know that avoiding the wider fandom during my watch has been the right call in so many ways, but it does cut me off from making friends to gush with, so this has been wonderful!

Ahaha, thank you for your condolences XD  I might type up something later just to get all my thoughts down on paper…all of my feelings are subject to change based on what happens later, obviously, but still, that was…a Lot for one twenty-minute block.  Yikes.

“Guy making it clear that he’ll ALWAYS be by Kakashi’s side no matter what, that Kakashi’s not alone” - Yes!  And the fact that this scene is deliberately juxtaposed with the elders at the beginning of this episode telling Kakashi “don’t take on everything by yourself/you would do well to find a confidant to stand beside you,” except the reason they’re saying it is for the purpose of defending Danzo’s past actions, and they’re advising Kakashi to find somebody like Danzo to work in the shadows and do the things Kakashi himself doesn’t have the stomach for - but instead, Kakashi flat-out rejects everything they say and chooses GUY, the purest heart in the village, the person least likely to ever consent to do the village’s dirty work (listen, guy, i truly find it reassuring having you there, and i hope you always will be.  i can’t bring this whole village together by myself).  Now that I’ve seen the ANBU arc, the fact that Kakashi deliberately turns to the very person who Danzo once said was utterly devoid of “darkness” is SO significant, especially given that Kakashi in this episode has just been made aware of Danzo and the Leaf administration’s past crimes.  Kakashi can’t say anything about it yet, because he doesn’t have proof that it’s true, but the fact that he rejects the elders’ advice for him to get his own “Danzo” and instead picks the very person Danzo thought was least suitable for anything - THAT MEANS SO MUCH.

Oh my gosh, you mentioned how much Kakashi hates being called “sir” and captain”!  Literally just yesterday I was thinking about that in relation to the last two episodes of the ANBU arc, because those episodes are also the first time we hear Kakashi being called “sensei,” and I was having so many feelings about how Kakashi has never felt comfortable with any of the other titles he’s been forced to use, and how he always tells people to stop calling him those things, but then, in this arc, as he’s finally finding out where he’s supposed to be, he also finally acquires the title we’re used to, and never once in the entire show has he chafed at being called “sensei.”  That’s the title that suits him.  That’s the title he becomes comfortable with.  That’s the one that feels natural.  It’s like how Yamato rebels at being called Kinoe and chooses a name that feels Right for him - “sensei” encapsulates who Kakashi is and what he wants to be far better than all the other honorifics he’s been saddled with.  It has none of the baggage of “captain” and none of the potential military connotations of “sir.”  It means he’s a teacher, and a teacher is exactly what he wants to be.

And that’s not to say that Kakashi doesn’t have insecurities about his suitability as a teacher, either - he definitely does, particularly given Sasuke’s situation - but hearing people call him “sensei” still doesn’t make his skin crawl the way other things do.  He’s a teacher still, regardless of whether he feels like he’s failed at it or not.  (We know he’s not a failure, obviously…he needs a little convincing still, I think.)

Semi-related, but on that last note, how much was I losing it last night to hear Naruto yelling at Obito that Kakashi “isn’t trash!  He’s just like me!”  Same damn vibes as Sakura protesting “But you’re not” in response to Kakashi saying “I’m sorry you have such a careless sensei” during that confrontation with Sasuke.  That is just…hgnghhhhhh.  I’m LIVING for Kakashi’s kids telling him how Good he is and how much he’s done for them - LIVING for them defending him not just from others, but from himself...  *pointed cough in Sasuke’s direction* get ready, kid; you’re up next!

[razorblade180]

Overall thoughts on V8? Assuming you didn't answer this already.

I meant to do a volume wrap up review but I got incredibly busy and it fell to the waste side. The thing about me judging RWBY I have to come at it from two angles or I won’t feel like I judged it appropriately. There’s the casual, first time seeing the episodes and seeing this through the lens as a casual watcher who probably only sees the episodes once or twice. But then there’s the other side to that coin. I review these episodes, write aus, theorize, check extended lore, listen to the music, etc; that means I have to go back and watch episodes several times for any given reason and that’s when you start noticing the holes or picking up on things you didn’t before.

As a casual watcher, I’d give this an 8/10. There’s plenty of moments where characters do things that got me excited and plot points I wanted explored. This volume actually gave a decent amount of things I wanted for quite some time and some things I didn’t know I needed. Certainly there are things I don’t like in this but I’m open and curious to see where RT takes their storie because it’s their story.

Okay, now as a someone who’s had to deep dive and take a step back multiple times for a variety of reasons. 6.5/10 maybe a 7/10 if I’m being generous. A lot of my problems with this volume are problems that aren’t new to RWBY and that’s just how surface layer portions of arcs are and how a variety of choices/bonds don’t exactly make sense with what we were previously shown, or they only make sense because the writers don’t want introduce other complexities even though they should be there realistically. I’ll give a couple examples of these and yes, I’m aware what I say doesn’t bother everyone but it bothers me.

Qrow was never angry at or brought up Robyn being the reason their airship crashed in the first place because she started the fight; which aids in Clover dying.

Emerald follows Cinder, not Salem. Even if Cinder is working under Salem, why would Emerald be so willingly to complete shift to the side that actively goes against Cinder? There’s been no grand revelation to make Emerald believe Cinder doesn’t give a damn about her. Leaving made sense because she was about to get tortured. Going full turncoat right now doesn’t. No change happened. Emerald always hated being near Salem but adored Cinder no matter the crimes and the show hasn’t done anything to switch that view point.

I’m happy Whitley and Weiss had a touching sibling moment that implies they’re okay and making/made up, but there was never a conversation about the actual problem and thoughts that had them at odds in the first place. Weiss saving his and Willow’s life shouldn’t be the thing that smooths things over. It would’ve been terrible if Weiss do something to save their life. Whitley helping Penny is okay I guess because he really had no reason to contribute but did anyways. Even so, a person doing a morally correct thing doesn’t automatically warrant the conflict between him and Weiss’s resolved.

We got Cinder’s backstory; it didn’t tell us anything about how she eventually came into contact with Salem. Honestly her back story felt more in line of her main goal through the series was an absolute freedom by the means of breaking down the systems that trapped and didn’t give a damn, rather than her quest for power. Yes you can argue gaining power means it’s easier to maintain her freedom to do whatever she wants but I personally think that’s a little off the mark when you gave her a story that involves her trapped by rules and time rather than being too physically weak to gain freedom.

This show has built up that the Schnee family has suffered various types of abuse because of Jacques and uses Weiss as a medium to build towards breaking free from that. Not just overcoming but confronting the abuse by cementing it’s place below you. We don’t really get that. There will never be a moment where the siblings and mother truly get to break out of Jacques grasps emotionally and then put him in his place because he’s dead! Yeah they never have to worry about him again but even last volume they showed Winter still having turmoil and being able to get strung along by him. We don’t even really know how Whitley perceived his father. It feels so lackluster. Then they care to mention how it’s Weiss’s idea to save him like it’s an empowering moment when in actuality, it would be against her character, values of a huntress, and morality to let a person die in cell when you’re the reason they’re in a cell! Letting him die in there would just terrible. I don’t even know why he wasn’t let out in that scene! He’s a coward! He’d follow their orders to save his skin. All he has to do is shut up and walk through a portal.

Ironwood and Oscar both knew they could remove that staff to use it and Atlas wouldn’t drop immediately. Why did nobody have any kind of compromise with one another since there’s nothing stopping them from using the staff for something and then putting it back? They had this morally gray thing going on which I liked but then they decided to make Ironwood go full evil. I’ve never had to say this before but the song he got in V7 and the character they made him be in V8 just don’t connect. I got upset listening to that song recently because I liked that Ironwood.

Clover’s importance. RT tried making a character who had no more than 9 minutes in the series and one meaningful line of dialogue into the cornerstone of a side plot. Clover is such a nothing character. Vine did more than Clover. They try to make him have such a profound impact to the people around him but we never see him bond with his team; Harriet specifically. We get one scene of Clover telling Qrow the kids are fortunate to have Qrow even if he doesn’t think so. First, I doubt Clover knows Qrow decided to get drunk in a ghost town and the kids nearly died and cellar while he did it so that compliment doesn’t hold much weight for me. Second, We see nothing meaningful between the two. V7 has a time skip and just expects viewers to be on board with Clover being this influential change on Qrow without showing anything outside of a witty remark and Clover flexing his semblance. I would’ve bought it more of Qrow almost relapsed and Clover stopped him then had a real meaningful conversation.

Ruby goes against Ironwood only to then want to do a plan that’s aligned to longer term thinking than even his, talks about how everyone should be working together, but then adds a part in her video to actively antagonize and vilify Ironwood. Afterwards, she wonders where everything went wrong and doesn’t think of a plan or do anything to immediately help either kingdom until the final hour between the ultimatum being made, to everything getting destroyed. The inciting incident was disagreeing Mantle should be left in favor of Atlas but the main character didn’t do anything to help Mantle 90% of the season and hindered Atlas’s safety up until the final plan.

Yang is used to be the devil’s advocate in a bunch of situations, but she’s wrong most of the time or her lines just don’t make any sense. They weren’t doing just fine before Atlas. They almost died every step of the way. The team didn’t beat a Leviathan; silver eyes and a robot take credit for that. Why would Blake think less of Yang for wanting to go save people immediately? Blake was never mad at anyone to begin with. Yang consistently calls out people for following orders as if it’s objectively wrong, but is never called out on the fact she hasn’t followed anybody’s orders but her own and added discourse to every situation. I get RT is making her ask questions because that’s what Raven told her to do, but all she’s really doing is picking fights and disobeying every order. Yang states to Ruby they accomplished more than they expected. That’s false, getting Oscar back is correcting a mistake caused by her own plan that she didn’t even complete.

It took 6 volumes before Yang had anything to do with the Summer Rose subplot again and 7 volumes before her and Ruby had a sister to sister conversations; 5 if you wanna count Yang telling Ruby to leave at the end of volume three. The reason I bring this up is because in V8 , they treat their argument as if it’s a big deal but then have every character say it wasn’t that big a deal; but then have two circle back to that conversation later after having neither character discuss to anybody that the argument actually did weigh on them. Yang doesn’t think about Ruby until she sees her again and the closest we get with Ruby is Blake reassuring her that people need her and how Blake admires her. I like that scene but it’s not the same as Ruby actually airing out the specific point that Yang said something that Ruby found hurtful. Vol8 in general people trying to comfort others but nobody ever actually addresses what made them uncomfortable to start with. Except Ren.

This one is a nitpicking but I’ll say it anyways. Penny getting hacked only served as a purpose to go to the vault, a thing Ironwood already wanted them to do. Nobody got her because she was hacked. You can’t even say her getting hacked is the leading factor to her actually dying because Penny became a vulnerable human afterwards that can’t be rebuilt. Pietro was gone, and already stated last volume he doesn’t have the aura to build Penny again. If she died as a robot then it’s still permanent death. No core, no Pietro, and no aura; hacking her was just to create a Hound reveal situation and make them go to the vault on a different set of terms. I’m not exactly upset with this, but I don’t understand why the extra steps. The Hound was hunting her anyways. I would’ve brought some kind of value if she hurt a friend and it caused them to potentially hinder the plan later on or remove them entirely. Penny could’ve rekt Yang and it only adds value to Yang getting one shot later. I don’t know. I’m rambling.

I think I’ve wasted enough people’s time. Honestly, I do like this volume. I’ve enjoyed a bunch of it. But there’s things that legitimately make me think it’s not as good others and makes V7 even worse.

[oddlyhale]

(This mostly feels like an online diary entry, so forgive the spillage of thoughts that could become a jumbled rambling mess.)

Still speaking as somebody who's still fairly new to the RWBY fandom and still learning new things every day via RWBYtwt and here on RWBYtumblr, and just talking with fans who've been with the show for as long as its been airing, it sometimes feels like I've already been here for years.

It's incredible how I learn how entirely toxic and immature the fandom chooses to be than just grow up and accept the flaws that their favourite show has. Even the ugliest flaws that they refuse to fix and has hindered them for years.

To be honest, I've always been a critical person. Even for shows that I absolutely love without question, I won't blind myself to the flaws they have. I don't like to be treated like I'm an idiot, so I assume shows would also not want to treat their viewers like they're idiots that can't pinpoint the problems in the writing or animation.

But what I may say is that the biggest reason why I even started this RWDE Tumblr is because of Twiins and her sister, Critter. I really loved hearing their opinions on episodes, what could be fixed and their video essays on what to do/what not to do in writing. It hits different when you're hearing it from people who've been watching RWBY from the very beginning. It's like they're veterans and I'm just this peewee still trying to figure out how the hell aura works.

Actually, I've always been a fan of people who make content that involves looking into TV shows with a critical eye. It makes me think about how I should look at scenes and characters more closely and familiarize myself with how they should've/shouldn't have behaved or how a scene was bad.

I was so sad to see Twiins leave, but I really hope she's happier doing what she likes now without the fandom leeching on her. I can't explain how disappointed I felt when I saw the screencaps of fans being dickheads to her, and even more disappointed to see how bigger RWBY content creators behave. It really did cement into my mind that it's all just some tightknit bro-club that likes to harass people who criticize them for anything they do. It left a bad taste in my mouth at how childish that the adult fans can be. I can understand how frustrating the tweeny fans can be when they have their keyboards and tapping away hate, but I can't find it in myself to be angry at them. Annoyed, but they're stupid kids with stupid motives, they'll grow up and realize how stupid that was. I hope.

(And anyway, these bigger content creators that love RWBY should be putting a better influence on how to behave and how not to be such a toxic bunch to anybody who disagrees. Accept that flaws exist in the show and it's OK to point them out when you feel unhappy with them. It doesn't mean you hate the show - you do like the show, but you just happen to have a big brain and can point out something's wrong in the writing. That's how the world spins.)

Even if this behaviour hasn't been hitting me, I have seen this very behaviour elsewhere. Especially in Twitter - oh how twitter dot com can be the actual cesspool of hatred. It makes Tumblr look angelic.

It's very snake-like on Twitter, as though you should be more than careful to not wake the beast, or else you'll be slammed and eaten up, only to be spat out and left in a twisty mess of "why?" And the fans act fast - a little too fast. With how fast they react to "bad takes" from people who were displeased with things in the show, it did numbers in my head at how the fanbase has truly shrunk in popularity. If it's that easy to find people you hate, then well, I guess this show really is bleeding out like a stuck pig, and the blood is of the fans that leave as quick as they came.

But still, even if the popularity shrunk, it still has the most rabid ones still around, and they rear their little heads more than usual. A mean girls club, the frat club that requires your pain for their pleasure. That seemed to be what the fanbase was towards Twiins and Critter. Just waiting for the next person or existing person to say ONE MORE bad thing about RWBY, and suddenly it's hunting season.

And just to throw in here - even as I was watching RWBY for the first time without context, yes my brain was turned off as I watched the volumes. And I still felt everything frying in my head because nothing was flowing correctly in the episodes and my brain went ouch. I can legit forgive the shit and turn my brain off for the show if anything was fluent and not so stupidly written. But no, I had to turn my brain back on. Because I don't like being treated like an idiot.

I hope nothing but the best for Twiins, and I will still support her and her sister. They both deserve better and deserve the best pizza they've ever had with new or current shows they watch.

Anyways, I am glad that the encouragement from these YT critics gave me the courage to do my own RWDE blog. It's awesome to meet new people who also feel the same, and I love reading/listen to hot takes or new things I'm still opened to learning.

And yeah, the news of RT selling out made me laugh, but it still sucks knowing they'd eventually lose.

[cherripeach]

Chapter 5

Little Match Maker

Summary: Your life motto is “I have the power of god and anime on my side, don’t mess with me,” and you stand by that with your life. No human, magician, or random creature could ever stop your firm belief in it.

However, getting transported to this world that seemed to turn your already bad luck worse was not what you wanted to be in your life story, but you made the most of it.Making friends, enemies, and disasters, you were in your prime in this world, and so you decided to help as many people as you could flourish, at least what you believed to be.

Prologue 10.5: i want to see my little boy

Chapter Summary: Maybe some people at this school weren’t so bad.

Warning:  Curse words, jokes about death

Words: 2.9k

Relationships: developing but future twstxreader

After getting up off of the cement and cleaning all of the area up again because of the fight, your stomach started to sound like a whale and eat itself. Grim who had been complaining the entire time about not wanting to work and when lunch would be and sitting under a tree looked ecstatic as if he was just awarded a nobel prize. The cat was grinning up at you from under the tree while you were sweeping but said nothing.

Once your stomach growled louder for a second time, you called it quits, “Fine, let’s go get lunch.”

“Yipeeeeee!” Grim hopped up and sprinted to where you were with the broom. He began vigorously tugging on your mysterious, probably smelly, cloak once every second. Grim even though he did get in trouble for the fight seemed to have completely forgotten about it. He did not give off the vibes that he cared about the consequences of any of his actions.

A sigh slipped out of your lips while you shook your head and placed the broom in your hands onto the side of one of the statues, the one with Maleficent on it.

Grim, then, made grabby hands at you for you to pick him up and without amusement, you did. You placed him on your hip with your hand behind his back and began your track to the main building of the school.

The main building was a cursed old palace, so you got lost immediately after turning from the main hallway into another one. This place probably did have secret passages, but you don’t think those would help if you don’t even know where you are going.

The hallway was silent besides Grim’s cheers from next to your ear which hindered any sounds to go into that ear. Suspiciously, even with the lack of sound, there was no movement anywhere in the part of the building you were located. The hallway was covered in spiderwebs and had trash sprinkled through it; it did not look like a hallway regularly used. You even spun around once to make sure this wasn’t a prank and people weren’t following you. And in your effort you found that either it was during class and no one was moving or you were in an abandoned hallway which sounded closest to the answer.

However, there was nothing you could do besides keep going straight to see if you could find anybody because you do not remember which way you came down from. The hallways did change a litte, but gave the overall aesthetic of fairy tale grunge. You were now in a hallway with big open window sills giving sight to the outside and the odd well in the middle of the area.  The well was much brighter and welcoming than at night when you last saw it, so in your haze of tiredness and hunger you approached it. Grim who was still on your hip had started to protest your actions and threw his hands around him to make you drop him or stop going off track, so you dropped him right in a bush and continued with your trip to the well.

Upon closer inspection the well was in great condition and had no other problems than it was the 21st century and was located in the middle of this weird outdoors area of a school for young villains. Now that you thought about it though everything is weird in a school that trains villains.

You decided to become the one scene in Snow White but looking down at yourself in the water only brought your attention to your appearance which was not at all put together. The cloak even looked shabby on you compared to all of the gorgeous men that were wearing the same outfit yesterday. You did notice that there was a smudge of something on your face, so you grabbed your thumb and tried to swipe it off. However, after three times, nothing was working. Then, you bent forward to view your face better from the water and stood on your tippy toes.

Neither of those actions worked out for you in the end when you slipped on a piece of your cloak and flew forwards to bang your head on the bricks of the other side of the well, but you were instantly caught after hitting your head by someone’s hand or something grabbing the back of your collar. Death by a well did not seem like a way to go.

Stunned in your fall and catch situation, you did not move an inch from where the hand that held the back of your collar placed you which was with the other side of the well in front of your face. At least, until the person behind you gasped and dragged you up.

You were slowly lifted off your feet to come face to face with a long man with horns or something, so you assume he is either a cosplayer or a weird demon like thing.

“I was not aware that falling into wells was something a child of man would concern themselves with,” The huge man actually pouted at you, and he tilted his head as if he was confused at the prospect of you falling into a well.  

“I can’t say for everyone, but I would never purposely fall into a well. They just seem too sketch, but I did trip on my cloak, so thank you for that, dude,” As childlike as the man was, you couldn’t be mean to him when he did help you from dying a miserable death.

“‘Dude’?” The man who still had you by the collar of your cloak which you were quite impressed with tilted his head to the side more. “What do you mean by ‘dude,’ child of man? Is that a nickname that displays fear or reverence? Is it an insult?”

The man was the definition of a curious child, so you explained it to him, “Dude refers to those who identify as a male, but I sometimes use it for both genders. If you feel uncomfortable with the term I can always call you something else. What do you think?” You paused your thoughts to remember the situation you were in by looking down at where you were, and then you continued, “Could you also possibly let me down?”

The male’s eyes widened in realization as you were slowly lowered to the ground, “I sincerely apologize child of man, but you were about to fall down the well? Would that not kill you?” He looked like a puppy, and he might be another one of your soft spots at this school.

“Oh yeah, it would, but that’s okay. Death is inevitable,” You said while making a fist and hitting the area of your chest closest to your heart and closing your eyes.

“You are quite strange….You are the first human I have met who does not fear death,” The male locked eyes on you once you opened yours.

“I’m taking that as a compliment,” At this point and time, anything anyone at this school said would be taken as a compliment.

“That is concerning, child of man,” the male lightly shook his head while the smallest of smiles popped up on his lips.

“Hey now, gramps, I don’t need a lecture,” You threw both your hands up and then tossed them at him only causing him further confusion.

“Gramps?” The male was as lost as you were when you wandered away in a grocery store, “This is the second name you have called me. Do you happen to not know who I am?”

“Uhmm, am I supposed to? Other than the fact that you stopped my death I have never seen or heard of you.”  Now, your face flashed confusion. It seemed to be passed back and forth between the two of you.

“Ah that’s odd. You do not know of me. Really?” The man turned back to you and waited for you to nod again before continuing, “ Oh my, this is quite unusual, indeed. What name do you go by?”

You introduced yourself to him, and asked, “Hey, what’s your name to be fair. I’d like to at least know who had the balls to save me.” You shrugged your shoulders and winked at him.

The male was taken aback by either your statement or your winking, and it did not really matter to you.

He took a minute until he finally started up again, “What an odd sounding name. I am..it’s not important. Hearing my name will only bring you misery.” The man’s face twisted and became like one of a crestfallen and hurt puppy.

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works, but whatever to make you feel comfortable,” You just had to find the weird people didn’t you. He wasn’t the worst.

The male actually looked relieved at your notion, “Let us have you stay ignorant of the world’s ways, shall we? Feel free to call me whatever you want.”

“Got it, puppy.” You nodded your head at him and smirked a little. You were gonna take full advantage of this.

“Puppy?” Confusion was prevalent on the males face before he let out the smallest of giggles you have ever heard, “I did not know that was a nickname of fear for humans.”

“Oh it isn’t, and to make you feel better I don’t find you at all intimidating at all.” You began to walk over to the bush where you deposited Grim, your dumb cat, at.

“You truly are an odd human, child of man,” The small smile returned to the male’s face and he muttered a phrase you are pretty sure you weren’t supposed to hear, “It is truly quite endearing.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever, puppy. Have a great day!” You waved back at the male once you found the bush and grabbed your stubborn cat who apparently took a nap.

And you two were then off while the male you met had smiled at your form leaving.

You realized after walking for another couple of minutes that you should have asked your puppy for directions because you were lost again.

Grim even started to pull on your uniform and yell in your ear more, so you walked faster or as fast as your legs would take you.

Finally, in a moment either of pure hallucination or euphoria, you arrived at the cafeteria where it was packed with not an inch of room at any table. The lines for food curved around each other and none stood out. It also seemed like a fight had broken out in the back corner of the room if the screaming said anything.

Grim, of course, did not notice any problem with this cafeteria and jumped from your arms. He scurried to the shortest line in the room with only one person in front of him. He jumped up and grabbed onto the counter once the person left and gazed at all the food in front of him. Finally, his eyes caught something, and he turned back to you with pleading eyes only to wait for you to grab a tray and place the food onto it. After he got his pick, he jumped back on your shoulder and started pawing at your head. You kept him on your shoulder while you grabbed your food and paid for it.

Finding a table would end up being a problem; there was not a single spot open even with many people in line and standing up. All you could do was sigh and trudge to find a bathroom or maybe even sit outside.

At least until you heard a voice call for your name.

You, in your confusion, swiveled around to find the voice, but out came the sunshine from the day before dashing to you. You were stunned and stayed in place until the boy was right in front of you. It also appeared that he brought another person with him who was following slightly behind him. The male was taller than the sunshine and had much longer hair. This was probably the fifth or sixth person at this school that you have met that had the face and body of a god. Genes must run well in this school, and you were begging to grab them from these males. The male must have cared about your staring, for once you made eye contact an icy glare met you. He must not like new people; must also be an introvert.

With your eyes stuck on observing the tall male behind the sunshine, you did not notice all of the efforts of the sunshine to get your attention until Grim shoved your head with his paw. You shook your head to gather your attention back and turned to face the sunshine’s eyes.

“Uh, sorry about that, dude.” You placed your hand on the back of your head in guilt.

“It’s okay,” He didn’t even look upset when he offered you his hand, “Want to come sit with us?”

“Um, sure, that’d be great,” Things seemed to be going up for you.

The sunshine took your tray from your hands and turned around to begin to walk across the cafeteria, “Oh, this is Jamil, he’s the vice dorm leader of my dorm, Scarabia!” He broke out into a beam when he mentioned his friend who was still conveniently behind him.

You decided to include him in the conversation since it never feels good to not be included, and you turned your head to face him and meet his eyes, “It’s nice to meet you, Jamil.” You tilted your head and smiled at the male.

“It is my pleasure. Kalim has talked about you,” you were taken aback that the sunshine had already mentioned you to his best friend from your eyes.

“Let’s hope it’s all good things,” You could only hope.

“Well, hearing that a magicless student caused a ruckus with a cat monster is always a great start to a year,” You could sense the sarcasm in Jamil’s voice.

“All nice things, then.” You sighed just hoping this year wouldn’t be a disaster.

Kalim was just grinning at the two of you interacting until he finally ended up at a table and placed yoru tray down next to another tray with way more food that looked homemade and nothing like the food from the cafeteria.

You laughed and guessed that the tray must belong to Kalim, “Someone’s food looks expensive.”

Kalim could not understand your joke, “Oh, you like it? You can have some if you want? Jamil makes the best of food!” The sun smiled at you again today, and you don’t know if you were going to make it.

“Ah, naw, I wouldn’t want to take any of it from you,” You had this strange feeling that being indebted to him was not the best idea, so you’d stick away from that for now.

You also grabbed Grim so as to stop him from taking any. He bit your hand, but not enough for you to pull away.

Kalim deflated and turned to face Jamil who shook his head at him causing Kalim to deflate even more and even pout his lips.

You four stayed in a comfortable silence with the only noise Grim chewing on his food. You slowly ate yours, and once you finished your meal you could only stare at your hands and play with them.

This was a lot more awkward than you thought.

Until Kalim finished his food, which was ridiculously quick and started talking about stories of his childhood to you and Grim. He talked all about his siblings and how helpful Jamil is to him. It was quite adorable. You even told a story or two about embarrassing things you did as a child, and both of the Scarabia boys got a chuckle from it.

The bell, however, rang in the middle of one of Kalim’s stories, and the two boys stood up, picked up their trays and yours, and went on their way.

You could only wave and pull Grim from trying to leave as the two made their way out. You gazed out the window and decided since it was on the first floor and no one was there, you were gonna exit out the window. Of course, someone saw, but that’s for them to know.

Since you got lost in the school on the way here, going around the school on the outside might help. You saw the well again, a big field, and even a large greenhouse. If this was a private school, this was the fanciest one you have ever been to.

You finally found your way back and deposited Grim off of a bench and grabbed your cleaning supplies to finish up the job.

Maybe cleaning a hundred windows wouldn’t be that bad.

[bokunoheroanalysisforthefuture]

Sorry for the radio silence, had to take a bit of time off to finish coursework and stuff. I would like to get through this arc sooner rather than later, so here’s to hoping nothing else keeps me away.

(Also, just recently read someone’s twitter thread going through the same early content as I did, only with the original japanese printed manga, and I continue to be frustrated at my lack of knowledge of japanese language / culture that keeps me from accessing the root material. VIZ translation is just… not the same. orz)

[No. 19 - All Might]

We start out with an overhead view of All Might being held and the nomu being frozen in place under him (and halfway through the portal itself.) All Might comments on it being frosty, and concludes without looking that the source of said frost must be Todoroki - who is in fact nearby, with the ice trailing along the ground starting from under his right foot. 

All Might mentally admires the precise control, and how Todoroki just managed to avoid freezing All Might along with the nomu, and how thanks to that, the nomu’s grip is loosened. While he’s thinking that, All Might yanks himself out of the nomu’s grip and away, his side still trailing a bit of blood. 

(Actually, I wonder if this was the moment that All Might was thinking back on when he approached Endeavor during the sports festival to try and get tips for teaching the next generation. After all, Izuku’s main issue at this point in the story is his lack of control over a strong quirk, and All Might isn’t aware of the Todoroki Family Drama™ just yet.)

The next page is a double spread that’s basically a showdown between the hero side and villain side. 

I find it interesting that the two ‘leaders’ of the situation are on the opposite page of the spread from their helpers / minions, as well as how Shigaraki is on the opposite page from the heroes. When looking at it in a book proper (and not a scan on a webpage), this would give an even stronger sense of the divide between the sides in more than one way. The whole division between heroes and villains is also highlighted with the hero side all being on top - showing how the advantage has swung their way - while the bottom shows the villains who are all in bad positions now.

Oh man, you can also see the little teeny hero students watching from the top of the stairs - with just enough detail that you can tell the one in the front is supposed to be Ochako!

On the very left side of the spread, we see Shigaraki comment on how the villains’ way out is pinned down, and considers it a problem. Not a huge one, mind you, since he’s not really reacting much. 

Katsuki straightens his arm out as he starts mocking the villains for slipping up, and how it was just like he thought - the parts that Kurogiri can turn foggy in the warp gate are limited, and he uses the mist to hide his real body. We get a brief flashback to a few chapters ago, when Katsuki first attacked Kurogiri and the villain commented that ‘that was a close one,’ before present Katsuki continues to explain his observations - if Kurogiri’s whole body was mist and physical attacks, then Kurogiri would never have said something like that. 

Friendly reminder that this is not the last time we’re going to see that Katsuki’s just as much a quirk nerd as Izuku is. Probably saw Izuku’s skill at it as a challenge to overcome or something. 

Kurogiri groans and turns his head to stare at Katsuki. Katsuki tells him not to move, and that if he decides the villain is doing anything fishy, he’ll blow him straight to kingdom come.

Kirishima has about the right of it. That slasher smile, though, jesus kid, relax. 

Shigaraki comments on how not only have the heroes beaten the level, they’re all at full health. Today’s kids are really something - the league of villains should be ashamed! I feel like this is sort of pseudo-thoughtful and pseudo-mocking. Which I mean is basically all of his speech patterns as far as I can tell, so. Anyways, he turns to the nomu and tells it to take out ‘the explosive brat,’ since they need their escape route back. 

Shouto is shocked, and it’s not hard to tell why, as the nomu literally pulls itself out of the portal, losing most of its frozen right side as the deep-frozen bits literally crack and crumble away.

...and I just realized that if Shouto had done that to a normal human, that person would likely be dead from intense frostbite from how cold he had to make that ice to literally freeze the limbs deeply enough for them to crumble like that. Or maybe the nomu was designed to reject damaged material and regenerate, and so the damage was only just enough to hinder and not kill? Either way, Shouto is fucking intense, man. Like, jesus kid, calm down a bit. 

Izuku comments on how the nomu’s body is falling apart, but still moving. All Might has his arm out as he warns everyone back, before directing a comment to the villains that he thought the nomu’s quirk was shock absorption. As we see the nomu’s right side bulge and warp horrifically, Shigaraki states that he doesn’t remember saying that’s all the nomu can do, and that this (referring to the bulging new muscle and skin forming) is hyper-regeneration. He then states that the nomu is a super-powered living sandbag designed to withstand everything All Might has got, while the nomu charges in with its newly reformed limbs.

And so we get to another pretty awesome double spread:

(I had to pull this from a fan translation site because the site I generally use had this split up into two pages, which was a mess to look at and parse. The dialogue is basically the same though, besides Katsuki calling Izuku an idiot. In the VIZ translation, he just tells Izuku to shut up.)

But yeah, you can see the force of the nomu’s retaliatory punch in how it literally sends All Might flying back and the excess causing a brief windstorm. Truly designed to be All Might’s equal, that. Also, I suppose this is one scene where it’s hard to really convey how fast everything was happening in a manga format - like here, it seems like the nomu was just slow enough that Katsuki was starting to react, but with how fast the nomu and All Might are supposed to be here, I feel like he shouldn’t have had that time? I mean, I know this is just him finishing the reaction to Shigaraki’s words and not the nomu’s movement, but still.

Interesting as well to see how Izuku somehow first assumed Katsuki was fast enough to dodge the nomu, instead of assuming All Might did something the way he did when he was saving Izuku and the others from Shigaraki and the nomu. Izuku’s brain really is just in ‘kacchan sugoi’ mode at almost all times.

We next see the smoke from the damage of the attack clear enough to see All Might at the end, his feet having dug grooves in the ground in order to slow himself down before he hit a wall. His arms are braced for defense, and show the scrapes that he ended up taking from the force of the blow. He coughs up a bit more blood as he comments on how the nomu doesn’t know how to hold back. 

Meanwhile, Shigaraki notes that All Might took the hit for the kid. Out loud, he replies ‘anything to save a comrade, right?’ He then points to Izuku and notes how it’s like earlier, when ‘the plain one’ came at him with everything he had. But violence in the name of saving others is admirable, isn’t it? 

Shigaraki throws out his hands as he states how that pisses him off. Heroes and villains both thrive on violence, but one is considered good and the other evil. He mocked All Might’s ‘symbol of peace’ title, stating that the hero is just a tool for violence to keep ‘us’ down. (Dunno whether he is referring to villains or just people in general.) He then says that violence only breeds more violence, and he’ll show the world that by killing him.

All Might calls it a load of hooey (I bet he wanted to say bullshit, but was mindful of the kids being there), stating that idealistic criminals have a different sort of fire in their eyes. Shigaraki? He’s just enjoying himself. 

Shigaraki doesn’t disagree. 

(Man, I continue to be impressed with how well Hori is able to convey emotion just through the eyes. He really does seem gleeful at the situation.)

Anyways, I’m gonna call it here, even if there’s not really a ‘break’ in the action. See y’all next time for (heavy spoilers) All Might kicking the nomu’s ass. 

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers GRAND EDITION for Switch ;; More, Blood ー Yuma Dark [Epilogue]

Monologue

ーー The way to survive in a world which has lost all order.

Is to first and foremost band together as a group. 

No matter how strong or how clever you may be,

if your opponent outnumbers you by just the slightest margin,

you have no shot at winning.

That is most likely the reason why,

the more rowdy the city, the larger the number of gangs.

And in this city as well,

the gangs which had been formed by groups of orphansーー

they would call them ‘teams’,

and there were several of them.

Lucks was the Boss who kept together,

one of the top teams of the city,

and also the person who picked me up,

after I was left for dead in a back-alley.

One day, one week, one month. 

The more time I spent together with him,

the more I began to realize just how amazing he truly was.

He was obviously skilled in battle,

but also oddly intelligent for someone who lived in the slums,

as well did he excel in leadership and decision-making.

On top of that, he had a strong sense of justice and a caring heart.

It was only obvious that many people gathered,

around such an ideal-seeming leader.

Including myself as well,

Boss therefore had many henchman under his wing.

He would even look out for those henchmen’s followers.

There was simply no way that someone with such principles,

could let a person starve to death.

Thanks to Boss,

we got a serving of bread and fruit once every day.

However, the number of us henchmen,

was by no means small. Regardless,

how did Boss manage to provide,

this much food for us?

The amount was simply too much to achieve through theft.

I found this odd.

ー The scene starts with a flashback in the city

Lucks: Here you go, Bear. This is today’s share.

Bear: ...Say, how do you get your hands on this food?

Lucks: Haah? You’re worried about that sorta stuff?

Bear: I’m glad you’re feeding us. However, I’m worried you might be getting yourself involved with dangerous business...

Lucks: Seems like you still don’t quite understand. Not a single thing is risk-free in this city.

Bear: Thenーー

Lucks: But you know, that is nothing for you to worry about.

That’s my duty as a Boss. All you need to do is sit there and munch on your bread.

Bear: ...

*TIMESKIP*

Bear: ( Sometimes Boss disappears without a word... )

( If I find out how he acquires the food, I might be able to help out as well. )

( I owe Boss big time. So I want to help him in every way I can. )

Lucks: ...Ugh...

*Thud*

Bear: ...! B-Boss!?

Oi, Boss! Hang in there! Why are you this...?

Lucks: ...Bear...Is that you? You found me at the worst possible time...

*Rustle*

Bear: ( There’s chafes all over his body...? )

...! Boss, don’t tell me...

Lucks: ...If possible, I would have liked to keep this a secret from you. Despite your rough personality, you are still innocent after all (1)...

The people who give me money...They all treat me like some kind of slave...However, I don’t plan on selling off my heart or soul.

No matter how much money they offer, or how much they control me...I will never belong to anyone.

Even quasi-livestock like me still has a pride left...

ー The flashback ends as the scene shifts to the infirmary

Yuma: ...

A livestock’s pride, huh...?

Yui: ...Nn...

Yuma: Pretty cheeky of ya to repeat his exact same words, huh? Right, Sow...?

*Rustle*

Reinhart: How is she doing?

Yuma: Aahn? Fuck off. Can’t ya tell? She’s snoozin’.

Reinhart: Oh my, you’re right. That being said, she seemed to be suffering from pretty severe anemia...Do you have any clue what might have happened?

Yuma: Beats me! Why do ya ask me? It’s damn annoyin’.

Reinhart: Why, you ask? ...Aren’t you her boyfriend?

Yuma: Boyfriend? Hah! That’s the best joke I’ve ever heard.

Reinhart: Oh, you’re not? I figured that was the case seeing as you were carrying her in your arms as you brought her in.

Yuma: That’s not her role. She’s just part of a ‘means’. ...One to fulfill my ambition, that is.

Reinhart: Your ambition? Are you talking about your dreams for the future? I’m impressed you’ve already got that figured out at your age! What kind of dream is it?

Yuma: Che, shut up. Didn’t ya hear me when I said you’re damn annoyin’!?

Reinhart: Ah, come on. If you shout like thaーー

*Rustle*

Yui: Nn...

Reinhart: See? You woke her up. Good morning, Komori-san. How are you feeling?

Yui: Sensei and...Yuma-kun...?

( ...Right. I was about to fall over from anemia, when Yuma-kun stepped in and... )

( ...My memory is failing me. I must have lost consciousness at some point after he sucked my blood a second time... )

Uhm, right now it’s...?

Reinhart: Fourth period is almost over. You slept soundly.

Yui: That long...?

Yuma: Ya slept way too long just ‘cause you’re runnin’ a lil’ low on blood!

Yui: S-Sorry...

Reinhart: Watch your mouth, Yuma-kun! That’s not a very nice way to put it? Being kind to women should be the basic rule of any man, no?

Yuma: Kind? Hah, you’ve got to be kidding me. She’s not worth that sorta treatment.

Yui: ( I’m nothing but a toy in Yuma-kun’s eyes after all...There’s no way he would be kind to me. )

( ...But, he did bring me to the infirmary after I had lost consciousness. I should be grateful for that, right? )

( Although he is the reason this happened in the first place though... )

Reinhart: Hmm, your complexion is still a little pale. Are you anemic after all?

Right now you are only showing light symptoms, but if it gets more severe, please go to the hospital.

Well, you kids are still young, so for now focus on eating good, nutritious meals, okay?

Yui: Yes. Thank you very much.

Reinhart: Well then, I’ll be on my way to the staff room but if you still feel unwell, you can rest here. What about you, Yuma-kun?

Yuma: Aah? If she remains here, I obviously will as well.

Reinhart: Fufu, you must be really worried about her.

Yui ( No way he’s worried, he just wants to keep an eye on me... )

Reinhart: I’ll leave you in her care then. Ah, do you remember what I said earlier? You have to be kind toーー

Yuma: Shut yer fuckin’ mouth! Go already!!

Reinhart: Ahaha, good luck then!

Yui: ( Sensei’s amazing, he can just laugh it off when Yuma-kun snaps at him. )

Yuma-kun, are you sure you shouldn’t go? To class.

Yuma: ...Aah?

Yui: ( Uwah, he’s in a foul mood...I probably shouldn’t say anything unnecessary now... )

Yuma: Geez...From havin’ to carry ya ‘round, gettin’ hindered by that damn NEET to dealin’ with that nosy Teacher...Today seriously sucked big time.

It’s all ‘cause ya collapsed on me. Take some responsibility, Sow.

Yui: ...! N-No more blood today, okay!?

( I feel like I’ll be in serious trouble if he sucks me yet another time! )

Yuma: I’ve fed off ya twice and ya already reached yer limit? It’s ‘cause you’re so damn tiny.

...Che, guess it can’t be helped. It won’t be delicious if I suck ya when you’re already all shriveled.

Then just rest up here until school’s over. I get to skip classes as well. Gotta watch ya after all. I won’t have Ruki scold me afterwards.

Yui: The whole time...Until after class? I’ve actually come to school, so I’d like to at least attend final period...

Yuma: Don’t be complainin’! I’m tellin’ ya to rest so get to sleep!!

Yui: F-Fine...! I understand, so please don’t yell like that.

Yuma: ...Che, look at ya twitchin’ in fear. Nn...

Yui: ( Ah, those sugar cubes again...He brings those with him even to school. Just how much does he like them? )

( Well, but...Despite everything he says, he’ll stay here with me the whole time, right? Even if he just wants to skip class. )

( Perhaps Yuma-kun is just the slightest bit worried about me as well. )

( I should probably thank him at least? )

ー Yuma moves closer

Yui: Say, Yuma-kun. Thaーー Nguh!?

*Rustle*

–> If you are playing the Limited V edition or the Grand Edition, little black roses will appear on the screen. If you click on them, you get an extra line of dialogue.

“Don’t make a fuss. Keep still.”

“...Aah? What? You’re curious ‘bout Sugar-chan?”

“Che...! Geez, this bed is too damn small...They should change it to somethin’ a lil’ more fittin’ for someone my size!”

Yui: ...!?

Yuma: Nn...Come on, eat it. Don’t ya dare spit it out. 

Yui: ( It’s sweet...Is this sugar he’s forcing inside my mouth...!? )

Yuma: Ya should feel grateful. I’m sharin’ my cute lil’ Sugar-chan with someone like ya after all...

Yui: ...Nn...

Yuma: Come on, I’ll make an exception and add in one more.

Yui: ( My mouth’s full...! How many will he stuff inside...!? )

Nn...Phew...Nn...

Yuma: Hah...Ya swallowed them all, right?

Yui: ( Is it from the...sweetness of the sugar? For some reason, I feel strange... )

Yuma: How’s that? Delicious, right?

Eat some good food like this to get yer blood runnin’ again, then lemme suck it as soon as possible. ...Understood?

If even livestock has a pride, ya shouldn’t throw in the towel over somethin’ like this.

Show me some guts...

Yui: ( I doubt sugar cubes will provide much nutrition though... )

( ...But, he might be worrying about me in his own way. )

( I wonder if he has this side to him because he was once human...? )

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) The term 擦れる or ‘sureru’ usually means something like ‘to become worn out’ or ‘to chafe’, but it can also mean ‘to lose one’s innocence’. 

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

<- [ Dark 10 ] [ Maniac Prologue ] ->

[excitedlysuffering]

Deidara Headcanons Collection

Oh god I’m like minutes from being too late but HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEI🥺❤️😍

What He Looks For In A S/O~

• He would most likely want someone who was an artist, cuz he needs someone who understands and relates to his passion and will challenge him on perspectives (respectfully, ofc)

• Needs someone who is as active as he is, he could not deal with someone who wanted to stay home all the time

• Dei is a wild child so whether he knows it or not, he’s going to need someone to balance him out with a more calm/logical outlook on life

• But that’s not to say he wants to date a square cause that’s a big fat LIE

• He needs an S/O who’s able to keep with his spontaneous attitude and mood swings

• He’d probably be drawn to the innocence of his S/O, he’s seen and done a lot of hard things in his life so would love to be able to leave the darkness behind around you

• If his S/O was a shinobi he’d be relieved cause they can take care of themselves, but he would also want to accompany you on missions because this boy can WORRY

• If you’re not a shinobi, he wouldn’t mind all that much cause he doesn’t have to be concerned with you getting injured on missions, but he would want to teach you the basics defense combat

• This boy just needs some love with a capital L, tbh

Relationship With Dei Stuff~

• He’s surprisingly empathetic and can pick on your emotions/moods quite easily but that doesn’t mean he always acts on it

• He’s a naturally happy person so negative emotions are a bit hard to deal with

• If you’re just grumpy, he’ll just stay out of your way (a bit) but if you’re really struggling or on suffering through Satan’s Week he’ll try to do his best to comfort you

• (be patient with him)

• Even though he can’t take you out on dates to the city like he wants to, he’ll improvise

• Boi isn’t an artist for no reason

• Ofc he takes you out to see his art and to fly on his creations, but he’s a romantic at heart and loves cheesy cliches

• Watching the sunset on picnics

• If he’s free camping in the forest

• Or just art dates where you guys will find a common project and will work on it together

• Bonus points towards you if you and Sasori can at least tolerate each other

• They might never admit out loud, but they are best friends

• Even if no one could ever tell

• The three of you are around each other a lot so if you and Sasori are always arguing or getting on each other’s nerves your relationship could suffer a little because of it

• LOVES to spoil you. Like just because

• If you and Dei are dating, you two make a great team whether it’s art collabs, missions, or just life in general

• He can be a real sweetheart and is more sensitive than people give him credit for so if you just love on this boy you’ll have him forever

How To Lose/Annoy Him~

• Insulting or just plain not acknowledging his art goes without saying, I would think

• I haven’t seen this mentioned before, but hating on or trying to avoid his mouth hands. Although they’re a huge part of his life they’re also strange so he can be a bit insecure

• Being insensitive about his speech tic (un, yeah, hm) he’s already come to term with them, but he doesn’t need you, or anyone else rubbing it in

• As stated earlier, not being able to get along with Sasori, or him just generally disapproving of you more than he does the average person

• Being overly clingy. Example, when he’s working on his art and you’re all over him, infringing on his special time

• Playing hard to get or trying to make him jealous. Dei is naturally impatient so it makes no sense as to why you’re trying to get a rise out of him. He can pretty blunt and he expects you to just come out and say it if something is bothering you.

• Slightly nsfw, but pulling on his hair. He doesn’t like his hair being ripped out in the slightest

• Being friends with Tobi

Soft Deidara Things~

• Definitely one for matching shirts (i.e His= Art is a bang! Yours= I’m a bang!)

• He loves to just cuddle up with you after a long day, no words he’ll just collapse on you

• PLAY. WITH. HIS. HAIR.

• Brush it, braid it, comb it, whatever, but it’ll soothe the heck outta him

• He really loves to pick out your clothes. Dei is a fashion master and he loves seeing you in clothes he likes

• Will be that one person to sleep crazy to the point of kicking you off the bed. Now you sleep literally on top of him so he’s pretty still

• Loves to wake up before you to look at you like ‘wow she loves me??’

• Can actually cook really well (i mean he did live on his own for a while) and loves having you try new recipes he’s come up with

• Just loves being around you, you’re presence can calm him like no other

Random Dei Facts~

• His love language is a mix of words of affirmation and physical touch

• As much as he likes to go go go, he also appreciates a good nap here or there

• He’s bad at taking care of himself like he’s on the brink of artistic genius and he’ll genuinely forget to eat or sleep

• Has a big thing for music, whether it’s a song or just instrumental he loves the environment it brings

• He doesn’t quite have PTSD, but somethings do trigger him or make him anxious. You just can’t live like he does and not be effected

• That one scene where he’s recruited and is under Itachi’s Sharingan/genjutsu and calls Itachi art and then is repulsed by the thought really makes me think that one of Dei’s biggest fears is thinking/realizing someone’s art is better than his own

• He isn’t religious but is a strong believer in fate, karma, and such things

• Contrary to popular belief, he doesn’t use his hand mouths for anything other than art. Those are his art tools, his partners, and he’d be much too weirded out to use them for anything different

• He’s like a scarily healthy eater. Not necessarily vegetarian/vegan but is a calorie counter and has a very balanced diet

• He loves to do little not so harmless pranks on Itachi as mini revenge. He’s even more ruthless as Itachi begins to lose his eyesight

Little Things~

Favorite:

• Place to kiss- Behind your ear because he loves hugging you from behind and surprising you

• Way to hug- As previously stated, from behind cuz he feels like he’s protecting you and you fit in his arms like a puzzle

• Thing to do with you- Discuss or work on art projects together or in each other’s general vicinity

• Cuddle position- Lotus (you in his lap, facing him, your legs around his waist) cause he just loves to hold you and you can easily mess with his hair

• Type of date- Anything that’s just the two of you spending quality time away from his busy life

This or That-

• More of a summer person, he loves the outdoors, even more now that he has someone to share it with

• Definitely a night person. He gets more done at night but also loves being able to unwind with you

• Likes to cook more than being cooked for, cause he likes treating you

• Is not much of a reader, it can’t hold his attention for long, but occasionally will ask you to read to him if he likes the sound of your voice. He does

Conflict Happenings~

• Passionate and Stubborn Boi™

• If you’re also headstrong, there will be plenty of arguments, usually over small things

• Best case scenario, something says something that makes you both laugh and problem solved or you end up making out (cuz oh my jashin scowling Deidara can step on my NECK)

• Worst case scenario, someone storms out and you don’t talk for a bit

• When he wants he can give a verbal tongue lashing harsh enough to make anyone cower

• Eventually, one of you will cave. You miss each other too much and even art isn’t filling the void

• Apologies are mumbled but heartfelt as to not bruise either of your egos but also cuz you’re both genuinely sorry

• However, if you’re not confrontational, it might actually cause him to mellow out a bit (only around you though)

• He can’t bring himself to have a one-sided argument with you. It makes him feel guilty and does a lot of damage

• Instead, he might actually talk things out, courtesy of self-calming techniques you probably showed him at one point

Modern Dei~

• He’s that one college student that is at every party but still gets great grades??

•!He has a double major for sure, art and chemistry, cause how else is he going to make perfect explosions?

• If he wasn’t recruited to a sports team (I could see him doing gymnastics or wrestling honestly) then you had best believe he’s a serious martial artist

• He’s smart and sells (non-explosive) sculptures for money on the side

• He loves road trips, doesn’t care as much about the destination, he just loves driving places

• A serious ride or die friend, like loyal to a fault, but if you ruin that he won’t make any efforts to restore it

• Incredibly independent and struggles to ask for help even if he’s bad at a particular subject

•’CEO of completing assignments the night before its due and still acing it

• His living space is purely organized chaos like everything has it’s own system even if it looks like a mess

• Wouldn’t mind having a roommate, but he’s also used to living alone so he’s fine either way

• If he did, it’d probably be Sasori, cause he’s one of the only people who could TRULY handle Dei 24/7 (barely)

• Isn’t an overachiever, but just like with art, if someone’s going to see his work, it’s going to be his best work

• Even when his friends drink, he’s not that big on it. Feels like it hinders his inspiration and he gets AWFUL hangovers and can barely handle it

• Modern Dei is a great Dei, cause no matter what our blonde baby is best. Period.

[mcfanely]

Nightowls

Having someone be aware of a secret isn’t always a bad thing. It can sometimes be a relief even, the knowledge that someone else knows. That you’re not on your own anymore. That there’s someone to talk to. 

Chapter 09 - You Seem Happy, 2477 words

The walk back to the Monastery was pleasant that morning, even though they were a little later getting away from the studio than Cole would have personally liked. A full conversation with Chamille when the studio announced it was time to clear out for closing about actually organising a day to meet up with the other elemental masters; because there really didn't need to be a world ending disaster as an excuse to be in the same place at once. Then Lloyd and her had gotten to talking whilst Cole had excused himself to clean off in the bathroom; well that resulted in them leaving as the sun was cresting over the horizon line, more than an hour behind when he usually left. 

Lloyd could really talk sometimes. 

Yet it had been a relaxed silence since they'd set off. Cole was in a clean set of clothes, with a hoodie over the top to keep the morning chill away. The grass that sprung up at the side of the path was dusted with a light frost and a thin mist hung low over the lands. 

He took in a deep breath, enjoying the cool sensation that was brought with it. 

Then Lloyd turned to him, poised as if he was about to break the silence that had settled, which he promptly did, "So, that was fun." He grinned, shoving his hands into his pockets which didn't hinder the bounce in his step. "I mean, dancing is one thing, but you and Chamille not even having a plan?"

"Free-styling." Cole provided casually. 

"Free-styling. And a random song too, it was brutal giving you opera music, I mean, how do you even dance to that? Then you and Chamille were just like," Lloyd made a half-attempt at doing the robot, with an elaborated, "Woosh!" 

"And then, then Chamille was all like," An arm wave, a pretty good one if Cole's eyebrows shooting up was anything to go by. Though he just carried on watching the scene with a small smile, and the fact that Lloyd was basically dancing down the single dirt road that led back to the Monastery. It was a long trip, but he had a feeling it would go fast. 

"And then you were--" 

"Lloyd," Cole interrupted quickly, placing a hand onto his shoulder, "You haven't slept all night, you're getting your second wind. Take a breath."

Lloyd paused and did as he was told, though he was still smiling far too much for that hour of the morning. 

"You were so cool!" 

He'd said that multiple times already, and Cole was starting to believe it. 

"You can't tell anyone." He added after a short second and maybe half a block down the path. 

Lloyd kicked a pebble in his way, before nodding his understanding. He brushed some hair back from his face, "I know, I know. You said so earlier."

Even then, with that vein of conversation at a resolute end, Lloyd still looked like he had something to say. Cole tilted his head, "What?" 

"I'm not shocked you got into Marty's."

That was a bit off track, Cole rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. 

"Yeah, well--" 

"You've been sneaking out for a while, haven't you?" 

There it was, the supposed crux of the conversation. Abrupt, but sort of expected if he was being honest. If he took into account the clear worry that everyone had expressed, it was obvious that this talk was going to turn into an insightful one-to-one. 

There wasn't much point in lying anymore, so Cole simply nodded, "a couple months."

He didn't miss Lloyd's wince, "Have you even been sleeping?" 

"Big talk coming from the guy who knows I've been sneaking out, staying up and spying?" 

Lloyd's eyes widened, then he schooled his expression and fixed his gaze on the path ahead. They'd get to a woodland soon, and then the base of a far too long staircase, then home. 

"Don't try and change the subject, Cole."

There was a nervous laugh, and he was more than content to let everything go back to silence again. Just the sound of crunching gravel beneath their feet and the intermittent noise of bones popping as Cole went through his joints to help release any pressure, but eventually the evasion tactic wore out, and he relented. "It started because I wasn't sleeping." He explained losely, "Or like, when I went to sleep all I had was nightmares." 

There, he'd said it. 

Lloyd seemed to falter in his walk, almost drawing to a full stop as he watched and listened with far too much maturity for someone his age, and too much focus for someone who was wide awake at near six in the morning. 

He was going to crash so hard around lunch time, Cole could tell a mile off. 

Yet this time, the silence was a physical feeling. Cole had finished making his point, it wasn't in depth, but it was there. Yet Lloyd's staring just brought more words to the surface, "Of, you know, when I fell from the Bounty."

There's a pregnant pause, and Cole cleared a lump from his throat. 

"It's all I could think about and I would just wake up panicking--" 

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" Lloyd questioned, with concern lacing his voice. 

Cole just brushed it off, but the worry was warranted. If it was anyone of his family in the same situation he was in, he'd be worried for them too. Maybe that was a testament to what they were actually feeling in that moment. He would feel hurt if someone kept something like this from him, since Cole knew he could help in some way. "A walk fixed it, I didn't want to annoy anyone."

"Cole, it's not annoying if you need help. We're all here to help you with whatever problems you have. That's what family's for." 

Cole shrugged, smiled, then focused his attention on some of the neon orange paint stuck under his nails. He picked at that, stared at it.

"I know that." he whispered. Of course he knew that, he knew that he could have turned to anyone and asked for help, or just someone to talk to and have them listen. Even Jay would have taken the situation seriously, he wasn't always so immature. Cole had to give him some credit. "I just… Found something that made me forget about my problems. At Nightowls, I have, like, a life." He paused, considering how that sounded, "Not that I don't have one at the Monastery, with you guys, but--" 

"It's something normal." Lloyd said. Hit the nail on the head. 

Yes.

Cole laughed, and nodded, "Yeah. I've never had that. My dad's a famous singer, I was expected to follow in his footsteps in some way, I went to Marty's and then I ran away, then I became a Ninja." his life, summed up. In a way, everyone's lives paralleled that in some way. Particularly the one he was talking to in that moment.

Feeling as though they had to follow in their father's footsteps only to realise that they had their own lives to live, even if it was vastly different from what had been envisioned for them. 

"You were really good, though."

Cole laughs. 

"You were, though. You seemed so… Relaxed."

Cole draped one arm over Lloyd's shoulder and pulled him into a sideways hug, which dissolved into him ruffling the younger ninja's hair to within an inch of its life. "Do I not normally look relaxed?" 

"No," Lloyd managed out in the midst of batting at Cole's hand and arm until he was released, at which point he moved over to the safety of the other side of the path. Not that Cole couldn't reach him from where he was situated, "recently you've looked tired." He sighed, then his voice dipped in volume, and he just sounded that bit more worried, "We've all noticed, you know? We knew something was bothering you." Lloyd admitted slowly, then "We just… Wanted to wait for you to bring it up."

At that point, Cole realised that him bringing the issue up would have probably never happened by his own choice. He'd planned to, that first night. Then he just hadn't. 

They eventually made it into the woodland, sunlight moving through the gaps in the canopy crafted by crown shyness, leaves dusting the road. 

"How're the nightmares now?" Lloyd's voice was loud amongst silence. 

Cole ran a hand through his hair, "Honestly, better." He admitted, then paused, "Actually, I haven't had one recently, I didn't realise that."

Lloyd smiled, "Because you've been distracted by sneaking away and having fun."

"I mean, yeah, technically I have." He smiled, "I've been spending days training and nights dancing, truly I am living a double life." 

They both shared a laugh. 

"I mean, you're basically a dance vigilante with that mask."

Cole gave Lloyd a deadpan expression, "Never say those words together again."

Lloyd smirked, "Ninja by day," 

"Lloyd--" 

"Dancer by night."

"I swear to the First--" 

Lloyd quickly moved forwards and plucked Cole's mask from his belt, then pulled it on himself. There was a bit of adjusting, and the elastic was a little too large, but he got it comfortably sat on his nose at least. 

In the light of day, it was a funny sight. Lloyd, entirely dressed in green with a bright orange mask on that was definitely not as impressive as it was in the dark. 

"This is uncomfortable." He said after a moment. 

Cole just nodded, "It hurts the ears."

Lloyd took it off and stared at it, "It hurts the nose too. I don't know how you wear this and dance, you could have put some cushioning in it."

"I don't notice it when I'm dancing."

"A dragon would have been cooler, and it would have made sense."

Cole took the mask out of Lloyd's hands and held it to his chest, "Wow, I know when my talents aren't appreciated." He smirked, "Besides, it's sort of a joke. Deception, no one knows who I am underneath--" 

"And no one knows what you do when you sneak out."

He just blanked that quip, "And wearing the face of a species that was nearly responsible for my death is sorta cathartic. I wear it and I have fun."

"You looked like you were loving it."

Cole grinned, "Yeah. I never thought I'd dance again, to be honest. Not like that."

They finally reached the stairs up to the Monastery and the sun was a lot higher than he would have liked. If it was early, they could sneak in and everyone would be none the wiser. Any time after six was when their absence would be noticed. 

So reaching the top of the stairs would end in an interrogation and questioning, most likely. Cole hoped not. 

Lloyd started on the stairs first, but as far as Cole was concerned they were always the worst part of the night. It was easier to go down them.

"So, planning on sneaking out again tonight?" the younger ninja asked as they began the climb. 

"I don't know, maybe?" He'd probably give it a rest for a day or so. His sleep was nowhere close to being fixed, but he knew that if he managed to stay awake for the rest of the day, there was no way he could pull another all-nighter. He did it once, and regretted his decision immensely. 

Also, he knew what Lloyd was actually asking about, "To be honest, I'll probably sleep tonight and go tomorrow. Why, you want to tag along again?" 

The silence that followed was an answer in itself, and Cole just laughed, "You're sleeping tonight too. If Sensei Wu doesn't have my neck for you being up most of the night, then I know Kai will."

"Why would they blame you?" 

"Because I'm the one in charge." Cole spread his heads as if it was obvious. 

"And it's not like they would know I've been awake all night."

"You're starting to look like you've been dragged through the Boiling Sea backwards and then faced off against Sensei Wu's chicken. You look tired."

"Touché."

As they neared the top of the stairs, Cole began fiddling with the mask of the strap. He had all his old clothes in a bag over his shoulder but it was already pretty full to begin with, and he didn't have the heart to try and push the mask in too. 

Which left him resorting to holding it subtly behind his back, using the bagginess of the back of his hoodie to shield it from view as they stepped through the gates and into the monastery. 

Into the middle of morning training. They were so going to get found out, Cole was so going to get busted for what he'd been doing. Lloyd was going to slip up, it was obvious. 

Even as Kai walked over, sword sheathed over his back and spiked hair drooping from exertion, his cut eyebrow was raised and his gaze far too analytical. 

He had been doing so well, too. He could already feel his heart rate picking up, but externally he forced himself to keep his cool, "Hey, sorry we’re late."

"You guys didn't even leave a note.” Was the immediate response, and it was tense, “It's one thing Cole not being here and not telling us, but both of you?" Kai questioned, and the speed of which his hands were moving was an indication of emotion that he was trying to keep in check. 

Cole winced lightly, "Yeah, sorry. I didn't think, my bad. We were just--" 

Lloyd quickly stepped forwards and gave a slight smile, which seemed to quickly sway Kai's mood in a second. Big brother instincts, they could dial back just as fast as they surfaced. 

"We just went on a walk, spoke a little." He looked back at Cole and grinned. "I should have written a note but I didn't. We sort of… Just needed to get out for a bit." 

He was covering, Cole realised. He'd probably been thinking of an excuse for the whole walk. Something he'd forgotten to even do. 

He had to force himself to not look impressed as the words rolled easily from Lloyd's lips. Even he believed them, and he knew the truth. 

Kai seemed to cool down, and looked at Cole, "Are you okay?"

He let out a breath, and nodded, "I am now. The walk was good. I'm all good."

"Good." Kai nodded, then added, "You know we're all here to talk to if you need it."

Cole just gave a light laugh and nodded, carefully keeping the mask situated behind his back, "Yeah. Yeah, I know. Thanks, you guys. That means a load."

He looked at Lloyd. 

"Thank you."

-

From the beginning

Ch 08 > Ch 09

AO3

Notes: And thus concludes Nightowls, thank you so much for reading!

[scottymcgeesterwrites]

Final Fantasy X Review

Year: 2001

Original Platform: PlayStation 2

Also available on: PS3 and PS4 (HD Remaster)

Version I Played: PlayStation 2

Synopsis:

Tidus is a renown blitzball player in the city of Zanarkand. One day, his mysterious buddy Auron whisks him away to the land of Spira after a massive entity known as Sin attacks Zanarkand. Tidus ventures into Spira, a strange world lacking in advanced technology. There, he finds many uncomfortable truths after joining a pilgrimage with the summoner Yuna.

Gameplay:

I will preface this by saying that this was my very first Final Fantasy game way back when I was like 13. I wasn’t keen on handling RPGs yet so it took me ages to finish. The result was me falling in love with everything about it. Final Fantasy X is the last main Final Fantasy game to feature turn-based combat. One of the coolest features of the battle system in this game is being able to switch characters in the middle of a battle. I missed that afterwards. When I played more Final Fantasy games after this, I kept thinking instinctively that you could switch characters in the middle of battle.

Leveling up is conventional but also introduces a Sphere Grid. You gain Ability Points to progress through a grid where each sphere unlocks a special ability or a higher stat. You can pick different paths along the grids and, typically, by the end of the game you are crossing over other character's grids.

The only truly annoying aspect of playing the game was the sphere puzzles in the temples. Every so often you have to enter a temple and solve a puzzle by placing spheres in the right places. It was so mind-numbing and the irritating music really didn't help either.

Because of how the story is told, the game is much more linear than its predecessors. The bulk of the game is spent journeying on foot across Spira. But don’t worry – there are plenty of secrets and extras to unfold – PLENTY. You eventually get an airship, but instead of flying around a world map you simply pick a destination on a map and you’re there. It sounds lame but the world is already so massive and detailed that Square probably couldn’t fit the graphics of flying around a world map.

Graphics:

The cinematics blew everyone away – because for the first time we have VOICE ACTING! JUST LIKE WATCHING A MOVIE! The voice acting worked really well in this game. It was only ever awkward when Tidus was being, uh, really annoying.

Exhibit A:

The in-game cutscenes can also be a bit stiff.

Story:

Final Fantasy X was my very first Final Fantasy game – as such, I could be biased in how I feel about it. Or maybe not. I’ve grown to be enough of a dick to crush my own dreams.

The story is completely different than the rest of the series. Completely different. While the rest of the series likes to make references to Western mythology and atmosphere (medieval and industrial settings), Final Fantasy X actually has an East Asian setting. There are no knights in armor or empires fighting rebels or even technological powers like Shinra. There are no witches or wizards. The story and references are quite esoteric, more mysterious and conceptual.

The narrative is radically different from the entire series. For the first and only time (so far), the main character narrates the unfolding events to the audience. After getting sucked out of his homeworld of Zanarkand, Tidus gets caught up in a pilgrimage to defeat Sin. Sin is a massive creature that returns every so often to punish the world for its dependence on technology. (So Sin is basically a kaiju.) A summoner with his or her friends go on a quest to defeat Sin, and the Calm returns for some time until Sin returns.

Spira is probably my favorite Final Fantasy world. It’s beautiful and haunting at the same, sad and bright. You can tell that there was once a great cataclysm but the long years have overridden the past. The rules of the world are so unique. Monsters are explained as the ghosts of people who have not passed on. A summoner this time not only summons great beings (called aeons) but also “sends” the dead away so they can find the Farplane, essentially Heaven. Like I said before, the concepts of Spira are very esoteric and East Asian. While Final Fantasy X does derive influences from Christian concepts (i.e. pilgrimage, priests, doctrines), it just as much references many Japanese and Buddhist concepts (rebirth, wandering souls, sacred temples). Overall, Final Fantasy X’s story is the most religious and spiritual in the entire series.

It’s relatively rare for a JRPG to take on an entire fictional world with a visual design referencing Asian settings. Usually, Final Fantasy and other JRPGs are more obsessed with Western settings (i.e. medieval towns). Spira is ripe with influences from island nations and places like Thailand and Bali.

The major plot twist require you to wrap your head around a bit, but surprisingly nothing is truly complicated. For the most part, you follow the story through the pilgrimage, learn some backstory stuff, and then face the end.

There are several “main” villains. For argument’s sake, and for the sake of not ruining any spoilers, let’s go with Seymour. Seymour is a recurring villain who again ups the ante on the bishonen trend. He’s also the biggest pain in the ass out of any Final Fantasy game. Ask anyone who has played this game and they will get Vietnam flashbacks of fighting Seymour. The bastard keeps popping up every so often to hinder the party’s progress. Seymour may look strange, but don’t let that fool you. He is also seriously one of the most fucked up villains in the entire series.

Tidus is unique in that he is an outsider viewing the story. He tags along and has his own story arc to deal with. Tidus’s story is one of the most personal and relatable. It’s so unique to play as a character who is not a conventional fantasy hero like a thief or a mage or a knight, but a sports celebrity with daddy issues.It’s also unique in that Tidus isn’t even the central character – Yuna is. Yuna is the summoner on a pilgrimage to defeat Sin. Even so, Tidus still plays an important role by falling in love with Yuna, influencing her goals on the pilgrimage.

In retrospect, Final Fantasy IX appears to be a prototype to Final Fantasy X. Tidus is a version of Zidane, except, unfortunately, a bit more annoying when he tries to woo Yuna. Zidane and Garnet’s relationship mirrors Tidus and Yuna’s; both involve an upbeat male trying to woo a reserved, quiet female. Tidus is the temptation to Yuna’s repressed Catholic schoolgirl personality, advising her to loosen up. The existential crisis that Tidus faces is also similar to Zidane’s.

All that being said, Final Fantasy X is my personal favorite in the entire series. It has its flaws, and yes, it’s a sappy romance. But I love it. I fucking love it. I LOVE IT ALL. I love the world. I love the plot. I love the music. I love all the characters. Auron is so fucking cool. Just look at how cool this guy is.

And that ending. Oh man. I really don’t want to spoil anything but at the same time. UNGH. This game. It is poetry. Everybody is a real gangsta until they watch what happens at the end.

Final Fantasy X is probably the most unique out of all the Final Fantasy games. Different didn’t pan out well for Final Fantasy VIII. But for Final Fantasy X – different was good, really good.

Music:

Final Fantasy X does a few things radically different from its predecessors. For one, the series’ main theme isn’t featured. That may sound like blasphemy to some. In retrospect, it might have been a good move because frankly I can’t see the main theme being played anywhere in a story like this. The “Prelude” theme is only briefly featured in an opening menu, but this time it’s given a sick beat that makes you want to dance a little jig.

Alas, Nobuo Uematsu begins to detach himself from full reign of the soundtrack. Two other composers, Masashi Hamauzu and Junya Nakano, also co-wrote a bulk of the soundtrack. While Uematsu composed the main themes of the game, Hamauzu and Nakano composed many of the other tracks. While not everything they did was so different from Uematsu, there are a couple tracks, namely “Assault”, which is distinctly unlike something Uematsu would ever compose. I don’t say this in a bad way at all. The score is still golden. But after Final Fantasy X we see Uematsu depart, and Final Fantasy music starts diving fresh into the unknown.

The pop song for this score is “Suteki da ne”. It’s pretty good although I prefer “Eyes on Me” and “Melodies of Life”.

The HD Remaster soundtrack seems to skewer the original sound of the music. I’ve listened to it and was very displeased by what they did to “Assault”, which was one of my favorite pieces. The original soundtrack has more umph, more pomp and circumstance.

Meanwhile, “Otheworld” is a metal song – a first for the series. It plays in the opening when Tidus plays blitzball, and in one of the final battles. “Otherworld” is frequently misattributed to Rammstein, especially back in the days of Limewire. They had nothing to do with it. Uematsu composed “Otherworld”, and Bill Muir, a lead singer from the metal band xtillidiex, sang it.

Uematsu’s fully orchestrated work on the ending scene is masterful. The emotion behind it brings tears to my eye. It wrecks you, man. It pulls those heartstrings and doesn’t let go. It hurts so good to listen to it and remember how the story ends. It is the most emotional track for the most emotional Final Fantasy ending. It is here where you realize that Nobuo Uematsu could really be a movie soundtrack composer. His craft came full circle here.

Notable Theme:

“To Zanarkand” – the main theme of Final Fantasy X. Beautiful, gentle, and solemn.

Verdict:

Final Fantasy X is my personal favorite. Final Fantasy VI can objectively be called the best, but I have a soft spot for Final Fantasy X. I admire its unique story and its world. It can be campy and corny at times but I love it overall. Objectively, it’s still of a higher caliber in the series.

Direct Sequel?

Yes. Final Fantasy X-2, or also known as Final Fantasy X-2: For Fangirls Who Couldn’t Handle the Ending to X.

 I kid. That was harsh.

 But I mean. . .

 They gave this Charlie’s Angels vibe with Yuna, Rikku and this new girl Payne.

And like I guess it’s cool but like the tone is soooo campy.

And then they sing and it’s like J-Pop and . . .

 Yeah.

This was the sequel.

This was the first Final Fantasy sequel ever made.

And it was. Uh. It was something.

At the time, I could only play about a quarter of the way through before feeling wrong about it. Many critics would agree that it robs the dignity of the original game. I do want to actually try playing it again. I might come into it with a new mind. But. Still. I prefer they leave the original ending untouched.

[mercy-of-the-ashes]

My Complete Thoughts On Haiji Towa and My Experiences As A Haiji Fan

Hey, guys. It’s been a while since I made a new post. I’m hardly on Reddit, but that’s obvious. As you can see from the title, I rewrote my Haiji post again, but I assure you, it’ll be the last time I do this. After all this time, I left out so many details, and I wanted to make sure I say everything that I want to say here. That way, I can just move on while knowing I got everything off my chest. Obviously, this post is about, you guessed it, Haiji Towa, the most controversial and hated Danganronpa character of all time. And it’ll also be about me and my experiences as a Haiji fan. It’s a very long post, so please bear with me.

Note: I do not want to cause drama by posting this. I’m not targeting anyone nor do I want anyone to target me for this. I’m just going to state all of my honest opinions about Haiji and my experiences in the fandom, and what I think about both. If anyone doesn’t want to read what I have to say, please turn back and ignore my post. You have been warned.

Haiji Towa is, believe it or not, my favorite Danganronpa character. Yes, I said it and for the first time since I joined the community a long time ago, I’m not ashamed anymore. However, I’m not blind to the hate he gets on a daily basis. I’m well aware of it, along with other things I’ve experienced for more than a year now. So for the third and final time, I’m going to explain my full stance on Haiji without leaving anything out. Again, I’m not defending him for what he is in canon. I don’t condone his actions in any way, shape, or form, so always keep that in mind.

Now Haiji is hated for a variety of reasons, and I’m going to list them and discuss my own opinions about each one. So let’s begin!

1. Haiji’s a pedophile! Why do you like a pedophile?!!

To start things off, I’ll get the obvious one out of the way. I know and understand he’s a pedophile, but it doesn’t mean I like him for that reason. That’s a disgusting reason to like him, and I’m not one of those people. I’m not deliberately ignoring that little detail from his character because I like him. Just because I like him *doesn’t* mean I support pedophilia. I hate that they made Haiji one, and the worst part is I accidentally found out about this way before I even got to Chapter 4 during my friend’s playthrough of Ultra Despair Girls. I’ll admit I was in denial, and I wanted to believe it was some sort of misunderstanding. Sadly it wasn’t one. Some say it was just a lame joke Haiji made, but I don’t know. Regardless, it broke my heart because I didn’t have a problem with him before that happened. But despite this, I couldn’t bring myself to hate him like 95% of the fandom. And I shouldn’t be forced to hate him. I hate the fact that he’s a pedo, not the character himself. Call me insane if you want, but it’s the truth.

2. Haiji’s a child abuser!

Another thing that I know and understand. Yes, the way he treated Monaca was wrong on so many levels, including calling her an alien or unwanted and always reminding her that she’s unloved. Abuse is and will always be wrong. Haiji hated her out of bitterness and jealousy, especially when her genius intellect started to shine, and he just didn’t care about her at all. What he did to a child was cruel, there’s no denying it.

3. He’s a jerk, a coward, a horrible leader.

I’d say that I’m not blind to this as well, but this is just me having to repeat myself over and over. I know what he’s like. Haiji’s a jerk and a coward who didn’t fight back against the kids and Monokumas. He didn’t do much for the Resistance, but he should be given some credit for trying to keep the surviving adults safe. Sure, he didn’t do anything until Komaru’s inspiring speech, but he did what he thought what was best for the survivors. The keyword is “thought.” And I have a feeling I know what someone might say immediately, which will lead to the next point in a moment.

I’m not familiar with leadership, but I know Haiji’s not a perfect leader. People have pointed this out a lot from what I’ve seen. He accused Komaru and Toko of luring the Monokumas even though it wasn’t on purpose. He didn’t listen to anything they had to say. He doesn’t fight back right away. But did it ever occur to anyone that he doesn’t know much about leadership? He didn’t know what he was doing, just like any inexperienced person would if they wound up in a similar situation. But he did have some good points. I actually sympathized with him when he first appeared. He didn’t want to fight back if it meant risking the survivors getting killed. Also, Haiji did admit he was being a coward later on, so he knew he wasn’t being a good leader. He’s not the perfect leader you would expect, but he did try. Of course, his bad choices do hinder what should have been decent choices.

4. Haiji’s selfish!

Alright, his desire for revenge is selfish. He cared more about himself and what he wanted out of this, but if he truly didn’t care about others, why did he form the Resistance in the first place if he didn’t care about anyone else? I don’t approve of him wanting revenge against the Warriors of Hope and the brainwashed kids, but I understand why he would feel that way.

5. Haiji wanted to kill all the kids!

The scene from Chapter 5 is one that I will always remember. I confess that I was against Haiji for wanting to break the controller, even if it meant killing all of the brainwashed kids. His selfishness, rage, and revenge intensified here. He even attacked Toko, a character I used to despise. She’s not a favorite, but even I hated when he threatened her. Haiji was an irrational bastard throughout this chapter, and hating him for this reason is valid just like the first two. But I still understand his behavior here. Also, note that I didn’t include the other two reasons, so I’ll get to that in a moment.

Now that those reasons have been covered, I can get to the part where I can discuss my overall opinion. All of these reasons for hating him are valid, and some of them are more valid than the others. But I want to do something first. For this next part, shove the pedophilia and child abuse aside. Pretend those traits don’t exist for a moment.

Put yourself in Haiji’s shoes. You are the heir of Towa Group, a conglomerate that will be all yours someday. During your life of luxury in a city that you are destined to run someday, you discover you have a stepsister, Monaca. She later surpassed you and is helping the company, making you feel angry and jealous because a child managed to surpass you. You feel threatened and useless, and you develop an inferiority complex.

To not make matters worse for you, you just ignore her (considering how the wheelchair “accident” already happened). As long as she’s making the company profit, you don’t care what she does. The company is what matters to you. But little did you know, those Monokumas she’s developing are “death machines”, but you’re too late to realize it. You choose not to risk the company exposing everything, so you don’t say anything to not lose everything you’ve been working hard on for a long time.

Then suddenly, your father is killed right before your eyes by the same Monokumas. You barely manage to escape, but unfortunately, you get attacked too. Your arm is ripped apart and you scream in pure agony as children laugh at you. It’s a traumatizing experience for you, but because of all the conflict, your emotions take over your mindset. You blame it on the children. Monaca, who had manipulated everyone, is the enemy in your eyes. You begin to hate the children with all your heart, and wish for vengeance.

You’re forced to hide, unable to fight back after what had happened. You try to think of a plan, but deep down, you’re too afraid to do anything. Everything was traumatizing to you, so you just remain hidden from danger all while making sure the survivors don’t suffer the same way. But when words of encouragement inspire you to fight back, you rally up all the others to fight the kids that you have grown to despise for what they’ve done. Blinded by hatred, rage, and revenge, you don’t care if the kids die. You’ve suffered so much, you just want it all to end at all costs.

This only explains some of his actions, but seeing things from his perspective is key to understanding Haiji’s way of thinking. I did this because people don’t seem to notice that Haiji’s an emotion-driven man. He’s intelligent despite people claiming that he’s an idiot, but his emotions clouded his logic. He can’t think logically because he’s so fueled by revenge. He’s not an idiot, he’s inexperienced. He didn’t know what he was doing. His emotions dominated rationality, which in turn led to the way he was in-game. Being selfish and filled with revenge alongside being emotion-driven and unable to think clearly makes sense.

“But he’s a pedophile and an abuser!” I know that already, but I’m not defending him about that. Excluding the forced pedophilia and abuse, all of Haiji’s actions aren’t being excused here. I’m not excusing any of his actions at all. Understanding them and supporting them aren’t interchangeable. I wouldn’t be writing this post if I were the blind fangirl who believes that he did nothing wrong, something that people accuse me of being. Well, apparently it’s false. I can like a character without liking everything that a character does. Liking everything about a character is a dangerous mindset that I don’t have.

On to my next opinion. Haiji Towa had a lot of wasted potential. I don’t know why all of his untapped potential was never utilized. He had so much going for him, it kind of hurts to see a lot of ideas being poorly executed. In my honest opinion, Haiji could have been written better. UDG intended to make characters fall into the gray area, but even without the obvious stuff, Haiji still could have worked to fit with the theme that not everyone is completely good or completely bad. The pedophilia and abuse were forced and unnecessary to me because with everything else, Haiji already fit the theme of the game. The extra push was overkill in my eyes.

And then there’s the argument which states that he was meant to be hated, so that’s why Haiji is the way he is. Some people even told me that I missed the point of his character. No, I didn’t. I know he was made to be hated, but wasn’t Monaca the one meant to be hated? Why drag Haiji into it? Anyway, even if Haiji was made to be hated by everyone, I’m not obligated to like it. For me, they ruined him, ruined what could have been a great character, and I know there are people who feel the same way.

Haiji wasn’t allowed better writing. He didn’t get more focus, and never had a chance to get redemption. If they had taken better care of his character, Haiji could have been an antihero type of character who would get a redemption arc. He had plenty of traits that fit the character type, so all he needed was redeeming qualities and more focus to make him less of a plot device and more of an actual character. I like antiheroes, and that’s what drew me in to his character.

Why am I passionate about a character everyone hates? This will shock people, but Haiji and I have a lot in common. Again, the pedophilia and abuse do not count. We are emotion-driven and insecure. It can be proven by those who know me, and even I’m aware of how emotional and insecure I can get. We don’t always think logically, and it screws us over. We are cowardly and paranoid, too afraid to take risks, and we are hotheaded by struggling to see when we are wrong and don’t ask or accept help. We get jealous of others who upstage us (except I never abused nor will I ever abuse anyone), and we do hold grudges.

Haiji and I are both passionate in our own ways, and we are both intelligent when we can be. Plus we dress casually, and we can be sarcastic and laid-back when we’re not jerks. Yes, even I can be a jerk towards others, but my positive qualities outweigh my negative qualities.

However, unlike Haiji, I’m trying to overcome whatever flaws we both share, but it takes time to improve myself. Trying to be more confident and rational isn’t an easy task. Heck, I still struggle with accepting help from others. Also, I used to be vengeful towards others for a variety of reasons, especially after I was emotionally abused by a toxic friend, but I’m doing better now. I still express bitterness towards her and people who have hurt me recently, but I’m not out there seeking revenge.

Removing the pedophilia and adjusting some things, Haiji could have had more depth, only he wasn’t allowed more attention. It’s pretty sad when I think about it. He’s one of the most realistic characters of the series, and he was handled improperly. All of this is why I was driven to do something about it, which now leads to my own portion of this post.

*************************************************

My experiences as one of the few Haiji fans have resulted in mixed feelings about the fandom. When I realized I liked Haiji more than expected and started to see the hate he constantly gets, I knew I was taking a risk when I decided to tackle something. That something was my goal to create an AU Haiji Towa. I never saw anyone do it before, so I knew it would cause problems, but I did it anyway.

Basically I started writing stories where Haiji isn’t a pedophile or an abuser (at least not to an extreme). My stories gained attention as time went on, and I admit I got so excited knowing that people acknowledged my efforts. So I kept going with them alongside my Haiji roleplay accounts. In a sense, I made this into a commitment, plus I was having fun writing a more likable version of Haiji. But there was a problem that I didn’t realize until recently. My Haiji was too different to the point where he was an OC.

I won’t lie, I refused to see it, but people did question my efforts because of it. I’m embarrassed to look back on those memories now that I know they were right. It’s no wonder he was rejected in Killing Game roleplays. That problem is now solved now that I’m rewriting all of my Haiji stories. They are stories that are now deleted, but they will come back but better. The way I roleplay Haiji was altered as well. It felt like all of my efforts were for nothing, but they weren’t. For my new portrayal of Haiji, I’m going to lean more towards canon, but considering how his backstory and personality are lacking in some areas, I can still take creative liberties with my AU Haiji.

I know I’m saying all of this as if nothing bad had happened, but I did say I’ve developed mixed feelings about the fandom. First off, the hate towards Haiji fans is ridiculous and disturbing. I’ve never seen so much hatred for a fictional character, ranging from wishing death upon him to hating actual people. Hating Haiji is valid, but the fact that people hate those who like him is taking things too far. They are falsely accused of being pedo/abuse apologists. I experienced that myself, and it’s annoying.

In my case, I was accused of glorifying Haiji Towa, so anything to do with him was banned from a place where I usually hang out often. Talking about him, roleplaying as him, anything related to Haiji, is banned. What made it hurt for me is the rule seemed like a call-out. Why? It said it doesn’t matter if it’s an AU Haiji, it’s still an issue. Just because I like him doesn’t mean I glorify pedophilia and abuse. I said this a million times to those people, yet my voice remained unheard. A minor detail was when they also accused me of liking him just because he’s attractive. Yes, I do believe he’s handsome, but that’s not the only reason why I like him, or else why would I write this post? Why make this if I’m a “shallow fangirl” who doesn’t see issues with him? I’m not stupid to behave like that, and I hate it when people misunderstand or underestimate me.

Another embarrassing moment was when my tastes in characters was questioned. They told me that I shouldn’t like characters like that, but again I don’t like Haiji for those obvious things. The same can apply for any character. People can like whatever character they want without supporting everything that they do. So, if I like Korekiyo, I support incest? I like Kokichi, do I approve of compulsive lying? What about Tenko, does that mean I hate men? NO. I don’t support any of those things.

And another thing, I like Haiji, but that doesn’t mean I’ll do the same things as him. Liking a character doesn’t equal being the character. Hating a character doesn’t equal hating people who happen to like a character. People like characters for thousands of reasons, and doing this sort of thing puts Haiji fans in a negative light when we don’t deserve it. Without a doubt, there are Haiji fans who…like him for being a pedophile and/or an abuser, but those are a minority of Haiji fans. Fans that should stay away from me and everyone else. Not all of us are pedo/abuse apologists, and these false accusations only serve to demonize us when we are innocent.

I hate to bring up this next thing, but it’s something that caused me to lose trust in people. This whole time, I thought they encouraged and supported me for liking Haiji and my efforts to create my AU Haiji. It turns out they didn’t. On one hand, I understand why and I can respect that. I’m not trying to change everyone’s opinions with this post. The reason why this hurt was I trusted them. I thought they were on my side, but then I realized they have been questioning me and never appreciated my efforts the whole time.

Two things come to mind. The first one is I don’t care if people hate Haiji, but people should at least respect those who do. Hate Haiji, but respect me. But if people hate me in the process just for liking Haiji, then there’s nothing I can do about that. As for the second thing, I know not everyone will appreciate my AU Haiji. Even after they made me realize the way I’ve been writing him, it won’t resonate with everyone. It’s not a big deal there, but I still felt like they lied to me, as if my efforts have been invalidated. The same people didn’t attack me directly, but it doesn’t change the way I feel.

What’s worse is, I almost tried to write Haiji as he was in canon because they believed it was the right way to do it if I wanted to give him a redemption arc. I was forcing myself to do it, but my heart kept telling me this isn’t what I want to do. I can’t stick with all of canon, it goes against my principle to keep the pedophilia and some of the abuse out of my AU Haiji. That’s what I’ve been doing all this time, and I’m not going against that. I’m sorry to those the people who suggested it, but I don’t want to do it. My plans for my own version of Haiji wouldn’t work if those things were intact. I’m done trying to please others. I’m a writer, and I like to write stories that don’t make me feel like I’m forcing myself to write something in some way. I want to write what I want, not what others want. So my plans for my AU Haiji will be a combination of all of the things I added to him, and what’s canon to make him a better AU Haiji. But no pedophilia and abuse (at least the severe kind of abuse). Ever.

I apologize if I sounded irritated in some places, but I’ve had a lot of emotions bottled up and I just knew writing this post would help me release them in a more productive way. The last things I want to say is all of this toxicity in the fandom is insane. I don’t hate anyone. I used to, but I realize I don’t care anymore. It’s a waste of time. What I do care is people should be allowed to like whatever they want without people breathing on their backs and making them feel bad.

If I hadn’t tackled my AU Haiji, I wouldn’t have returned to writing ever again. I was in a bad place because of the abusive friendship I had dealt with years ago. I haven’t written anything for years until I became a Haiji fan. Haiji, or Danganronpa in general, revived my love for writing. And I wouldn’t have met my friends on Discord if I hadn’t done any of this. It’s thanks to them that I’ve done so many things that I never imagined myself doing, and it’s thanks to them that I’m doing my best to improve myself as a person. It’ll be a long journey, but I don’t have to do it alone. So despite the toxicity, it was worth making it this far.

I’m lucky that I’m still here doing what I want to do. There were times when I wanted to just give up, but I have friends, real friends, who support me and don’t want me to give up on what I love. And I won’t. Besides, there are Haiji fans out there who feel the exact same way as me. If people could give them a chance, give us a chance, they could see that we’re great people. In the end, I didn’t just write this post for myself. I wrote it for all the Haiji fans out there that are afraid to speak up. And they’re right to stay hidden, and personally, I hope they see this post.

Alright, I’ve said everything that I wanted to say. I hope you guys took the time to read this lengthy post. Please respect my opinions, I never wrote this to cause any harm, but I needed to say everything that I’ve wanted to say for so long. Now I can put this to rest and move on.

[mittensmorgul]

Today on the TNT loop, a wonderful direct callback to 15.09 and 15.10, via 4.15, 4.16 and 4.17...

I need to start out by reminding everyone that the entire purpose of s4 was to manipulate Sam and Dean into “playing their roles,” even before they knew their roles existed as roles. Cosmically fated to act out a specific story for the entertainment of a bored God. Remember, they’re about to learn of the existence of “Chuck the Prophet” who’s been writing their lives down, in explicit detail, and publishing them as a series of pulpy horror novels. Hooray, 4.18, up next for me.

But I really need to pause here, because the sort of manipulations that Sam and Dean suffered through in 15.10, while I’ve already pointed out a lot of other “silly” episodes they referenced:

https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/190430063655/mittensmorgul-episodes-i-expect-1510-to-remind

I’m gonna now add 4.17 to that list, too, because holy HECK.

Remember the setup to this episode? 4.15 and 4.16 both? Where Dean had been DIRECTLY MANIPULATED into stopping Alistair from breaking another seal-- to “kill death twice” by ritually murdering two reapers-- a hunt that Cas “tricked” Sam and Dean into taking on by literally making them think that Bobby had sent them on that hunt.

Then 4.16 used Uriel to manipulate both Dean AND Cas into believing they needed to torture information out of Alistair. The goal was to break both Dean AND Cas here, because Uriel knew all along that Alistair was literally just a distraction, a diversion from his own actions, recruiting angels for Team Lucifer and murdering those who refused to join him. But also breaking Dean’s will to just... do what he’s told. Because Dean himself was never destined to be anything more than a tool to Heaven, a vessel for Michael to wear to the apocalypse. Of course, Dean didn’t know any of that yet, and neither did Cas. He knew Dean was “important,” but truly didn’t know why. 

At the end of 4.16, lying in a hospital bed, Dean felt hopeless:

Castiel: It's not blame that falls on you, Dean, it's fate. The righteous man who begins it is the only one who can finish it. You have to stop it. Dean: Lucifer? The Apocalypse? What does that mean? Hey! Don't you go disappearing on me, you son of a bitch. What does that mean! Castiel: I don't know. Dean: Bull. Castiel: I don't. Dean, they don't tell me much. I know our fate rests with you. Dean: Well, then you guys are screwed. I can't do it, Cas. It's too big. Alastair was right. I'm not all here. I'm not—I'm not strong enough. Well, I guess I'm not the man either of our dads wanted me to be. Find someone else. It's not me.

Tell me this isn’t super similar to his state earlier in s15. Let’s say... at the beginning of 15.06, holed up in his room in his bathrobe, bingewatching tv shows and eating cereal directly from the box. By the end of the episode, he still wasn’t sure what was real and what was Chuck’s doing in his life, and he’s absolutely right to question that, given his lifetime of experience being manipulated in exactly this way by higher cosmic powers.

In 4.17, that higher cosmic power was Zachariah, literally giving Sam and Dean alternate memories and directly inserting them into entirely different lives to prove a point. In 4.17, the Winchesters had their lifetime of knowledge of the Supernatural excised from them-- and even all the practicalities of hunting like “how to buy guns,” and “how salt can repel ghosts,” and “how to fight.” Throughout the episode they were forced to re-learn all of these skills for themselves, ironically using Ghostfacers videos about ghost hunting that directly referenced information that the Ghostfacers had learned from “The Winchesters.” Very much like how the Winchesters were “depowered” in 15.10, and yet... they were saved because of their prior relationship WITH GARTH, in which they had not only saved Garth’s life a couple of times, but had also learned things and imparted knowledge and information TO GARTH in the past. 

I guess what I’m attempting to point out here is the direct parallel to Chuck’s active manipulation of Sam and Dean in 15.10. They may not have had their memories removed like Zachariah did to them, but they’ve been reset to a similar sort of “baseline” status where NOTHING they do actually works this time. It’s... it’s almost a perfect inverse of 4.17.

Literally the episode leading up to the first appearance of Chuck The Author in canon.

Tell me Dabb isn’t explicitly suggesting an inverse parallel here, framing everything as Dean’s CHOICE, when it’s been one grand manipulation to pressing him into making that choice through any means necessary-- up to and including direct deceit and false narrative:

Zachariah: Believe me, I had no interest in popping down here into one of these smelly things. But after the unfortunate situation with Uriel, I felt it necessary to pay a visit, get all my ducks in a row. Dean: I am not one of your ducks. Zachariah: Starting with your attitude. Dean: So, what? This was all some sort of a lesson? Is that what you're telling me? Wow. Very creative.

and

Zachariah: I know, I know. You're not strong enough. You're scared. You've got daddy issues. You can't do it, right? Dean: Angel or not, I will stab you in your face. Zachariah: All I'm saying is it's how you look at it. Most folks live and die without moving anything more than the dirt it takes to bury them. You get to change things. Save people, maybe even the world. All the while you drive a classic car and fornicate with women. This isn't a curse. It's a gift. So for God's sakes, Dean, quit whining about it. Look around. There are plenty of fates worse than yours. So are you with me? You wanna go steam yourself another latte? Or are you ready to stand up and be who you really are?

Zachariah KNEW the bigger plan all along. Here he showed Dean an “alternate life” that was entirely manufactured to be a “false choice.” Dean, because of who he is as a person, would never have chosen that corporate falsehood. Just like he rejected Zachariah’s intended lesson in 5.04. And Gabriel’s lesson in 5.08.

Dean... doesn’t want to play his role. His role sucks. It’s a river of crap that would send most people howling to the nuthouse, after all... oh... wait, that’s a direct quote from 5.09, aka another episode where Chuck is directly involved, and directly manipulates them into a hunt... Dean... is not a fan...

But... we also learn something that I still think is true, and that I still think is IMPORTANT to s15. And important to Chuck as a character on this show we’re watching. I really don’t think he’s omniscient. I don’t think he can actually see every possible outcome. I don’t think he can control everything. But I think, and will always think, that because of Free Will, his ability to truly influence the outcome of his story is hindered. Unless he can use everything he CAN manipulate to crush Sam and Dean’s free will... to force them into making choices directly against their own interest, because of their perceived situation, or in this new post 14.20 universe, Chuck’s perceived intent for them.

Sam and Dean (and Cas! remember this was also about his discovery of the “rot” in Heaven, and how he himself had been used and manipulated into helping start the apocalypse) spent s4 thinking they were doing the right thing, because they’d been lied to from the start. When they questioned their path, questioned each other, their actions were met with often comically implausible verging on outright ridiculous situations that nudged them back into this cosmically “destined” series of events.

And Chuck’s history of this is directed at Sam and Dean in different ways-- Sam through the psychological manipulation and emotional angst, and Dean through physically hindering him. Chuck needed to break Sam’s trust in Dean, and replace it with the false belief that he was actually doing the right thing back in s4:

SAM: Dean’s not... he's not Dean lately. Ever since he got out of hell. He needs help. CHUCK: So you got to carry the weight? SAM: Well, he's looked out for me my whole life. I can't return the favor? CHUCK: Yeah, sure you can. I mean, if that's what this is. SAM: What else would it be? CHUCK: I don't know. Maybe the demon blood makes you feel stronger? More in control? SAM: No. That's not true. CHUCK: I'm sorry, Sam. I know it's a terrible burden – feeling that it all rests on your shoulders. SAM: Does it? All rest on my shoulders? CHUCK: That seems to be where the story's headed. SAM: Am I strong enough to stop Lilith tonight? CHUCK: I don't know. I haven't seen that far yet.

Chuck needs to break Sam’s will in 15.09, but Dean? Dean he needed to break his car, break him physically, and break his belief in his own choices and actions. Break his belief in his own identity. Because Dean’s will is not so easily shattered. He’s still willing to punch God in the face, for all of this.

And that’s how we end up with 15.10...

bonus destiel content: Dean’s very first prayer to Cas, ever, is asking him for help to stop Chuck’s prophecy from coming true. Dean question’s Cas’s “mission,” i.e. the thing Dean is unaware Cas has been questioning himself all this time, in the face of Dean’s refusal to just sit around and wait for Chuck’s prophecies to happen to them. Cas supplies him with the bit of information Dean needs to interfere and break the prophecy. I’ve written about the importance of that act before:

https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/187983341865/i-always-thought-anna-said-only-an-angel-can-kill

(and it bothers the everloving fuck out of me that people still don’t see that Chuck is a flim-flam artist of the highest order, and is the most unreliable narrator in the history of unreliable narrators, because not only is he biased to his own view of the story, he has the power to make the story conform to his own views, even if he can’t fully control each of the characters like glorified puppets)

and then Lizbob has also written about this scene and its import:

https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/169437649690/elizabethrobertajones-dean-cas-are-in-love-a

which is incredible when paired with Dean’s most recent prayer to Cas in 15.09, not about a problem he needs help fixing, but directly about their relationship... to quote Layla from 1.12, speaking on the subject of prayer, there’s a miracle right there.