#to tell me if theyre reselling it...

[wonwoonlight]

Failed my ticketing bc the server crashed but here's instead a picture of me in the PC bang as i was waiting for the ticketing time 🥹

[shitpostdevil]

Nothing better than getting cat meme stickers on a whim and going through them just to laugh at almost every single one and keep at least half for my partner and I.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if i wrote a psa about people who broke my tos

✏️⚖️ (< for identification)

i make character adopts on toyhou.se and deviantart. i like designing characters but i rarely ever use them so i put them up for adoption so they can go to good homes. i have a tos for adopting my characters, which everyone is required to read before i go through with the adopt. the tos has rules about giving the character to someone else, which is that the current owner of the oc has to ask me first. there s a few reasons for this:

1 i dont want anyone reselling my character for more money than they bought them for unless they add value to the character by commissioning art or writing because its unfair to me who created the character if someone upsells them without adding value. having people ask first let's me make sure theyre not upcharging my work unfairly

2 i dont want certain people owning my characters. i have trauma surrounding certain people adopting my characters and using them problematically. for example someone ill call A once made my black characters skin lighter even though my tos says you cant change my characters race or body types. someone else, B, put my character into a proship relationship which is TOTALLY BANNED in my tos. i have a public list of people who are NOT allowed to own my characters and the idea of them owning them makes me super uncomfortable because i know theyll use my characters for bad things

3 it lets me make sure that the new owner has read my tos

a couple months ago someone (ill call them C) adopted a character of mine named lupin. a couple of days ago i was looking at my designs and i saw that lupin was now owned by D. i checked the ownership log which said that C traded lupin with D but i dont know what character C got in return. i sent C a message asking why they traded lupin without my permission and they said they didnt think they had to because it was a trade and not a sale. i told them that i have trauma around people giving my characters to others without permission and C said that i should talk to D instead because they (C) no longer owned the character.

i went to Ds profile and on their user page i saw a blocked comment so i unhid the comment and saw that it was B thanking D for following B. this set off alarm bells because i know that B is proship which is why i blocked them in the first place! so i decide to look into D, i find their tumblr and i find out that theyre also proship, they ship incest and they reblog irredeemable media like the coffin of andy and leyley

D wasnt on my blacklist specifically but its against my tos for proshippers to own my characters under any circumstances and its grounds for revocation. i message D to tell them that im revoking the character because theyre breaking my tos but D refused to transfer lupin back to me and blocked me.

i reuploaded lupins profile to my account and reported the original profile to th for being a violation of my tos, and i added C and D to my blacklist.

WIBTA if i wrote a psa about C and D to warn other people about them? i just dont want anyone else to go through this

What are these acronyms?

[plaguedghosts]

I hate resellers so much I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them

TELL ME WHY BUILD A BEAR LITERALLY JUST RELEASED A MOTHMAN PLUSHIE AND THEYRE SOLD OUT AND UP FOR SALE ON EBAY

[lunar-fey]

ohhhh my god. okay. so. my aunt does like, she buys random junk in bulk from retail wholesalers and then resells it on like, facebook marketplace and ebay and stuff. whatever. so my mom works for her. makes a flat $50 a day, regardless of the fact that shes disabled and doing hard labor for at least 8 hours a day, often 10+. and min wage here is $10 an hour but mom argued that $50 a day is still more than what she would make working the same hours at an actual job because of taxes...like girl that would be 50% taxes. you do not pay that fucking much. so thats already Bad.

but today mom shows me a video of a knife theyre gonna sell, and i watch 2 seconds and i realize its an automatic knife, and i tell her hey. thats illegal to possess in this state. let alone sell! and mom is like ohhh [aunt] knows what shes doing itll be fine.... we sell knives on there all the time she just doesnt put pictures and calls them something else on the listing to get around fb/ebays policies :)

LIKE. HELLO. THATS NOT BETTER. YOURE COMMITTING MULTIPLE CRIMES. *AS YOUR JOB.* and she was just like "its not a big deal she knows what shes doing." folks, this is the same aunt that, very illegally, paid me to sort through her clients confidential tax documents and bank records and stuff. because she works for a bank. and took the records home to sort them. i dont think she DOES know what shes doing, actually!

[n7punk]

i did my post about merch and this is a general price guide to go along with that, but because it's so subject to change, i have reblogs turned off and will probably delete this after a bit when it's no longer relevant/correct. these prices are not based on original price but rather what you can expect to pay for it now if you actually want to get your hands on it.

this is a lot more informal and just based off what I've seen over the last 2-3 months of digging. lower-end average (not the best, but generally good enough) prices are listed in USD (since all of this was originally sold in the US, its pretty hard to get a hold of elsewhere).

note: the biggest tip i can give you is to look on Mercari. there's a lot fewer professional collectors/speculators ("investors" 🙄) over there, but also fewer listings in general. that said, definitely check other places before buying something, and Mercari doesn't have search alert emails like eBay. also, take a peek at Facebook Marketplace! I have seen one or two things there if you look "outside your area" with shipping.

original posters: (in mint condition) close to 10$ but sometimes pushing 20$. reproductions fall in this range too tbh.

pins vary based on what the pin is and if it still has its backing. most pins are still available direct too so i haven't paid much attention to their prices. I think like 10$ (give or take a few dollars) for the buttons (4-pack) is around what I've found. side note: double check any pins being sold against han cholo's catalogue and my con promos post, because if it's not in there it's a fan's design, which 1) you really should buy direct from them, 2) might be CHEAPER from them. i saw someone selling pins for 30$ when brand new from the fan artist they're 24$. same thing for the jewelry. there's a reseller who is my nemesis for marking up items and trying to make them seem rarer by calling them con exclusive when theyre for sale online right now. i cannot stress enough how much you should cross-check this stuff.

her universe clothes: this varies based on what it is, but in general you should be looking to get it for less than original list price. even if it's barely used, it is still used, and you will find it lower than original eventually, so use that as your general guide. for the jackets, you can get as good as 40$ off sometimes (I’ve seen the adora bomber that retailed at 70$ listed between 25-75$). the bomber is definitely the most common item i've seen, usually around 25$, but i haven't checked the situation over on poshmark/thredup so there might be more variety there. (also, i have the links to all the original clothing listings in my merch post, which includes the original sizing chart!)

action figures: they list for 800+, but listed doesn't equal sold at all. i havent seen any movement on the listings i've found (which span up into four figures, btw). i think i saw them sold for 450$ once. sometimes people list just the BOX for 150$ so good fucking luck if you want this one and make sure to read the listing carefully. also, if you want to look around for these, add "-keshi" (on sites that support it) to remove the super7 keshis from the search, which are these weird 7$ rubber things for the OG show that remind me of the straw buddies.

can you tell the difference between the items that collectors have targeted and the regular merch? lmao. speaking of collecting: NIB = new in box. basically, it's in the same condition as if you bought it directly from the store. sometimes you might see NIP for "new in package" (think the buttons, which obviously don't have a box).

dolls: okay, listen. i've seen adora sell for 90$ and i've also seen her sit around and wait to be sold for 40$. every single one of these can go for three figures at times, but i would say an average list price (they're super over-priced, so you can make lower offers after a while of no movement, i've seen 100$ come off listings as time went on) is around 70-100$ (NIB) and a good one is closer to 40-50$. she-ra (regular) tends to be cheapest and easiest to get below this price point. the lowest ive seen NIB for them individually is 30$ each for glimbow, 39$ for adora, 25$ for she-ra, 45$ for she-ra+swift wind, and 57$ for catra (note: catra is the most expensive and rare to find below three figures. she sometimes goes for over 200$). i've also seen the entire BFS go as a 50$ lot NIB and the BFS + catra go as a lot for 30$ out of box so factor that how you will. these prices range a Lot. if you wait and are patient, you can get a more reasonable price eventually. (there's currently a lot of she-ra/glimmer/bow listed as 300$ despite she-ra being way more common and regularly going for $50. people are stupid) OH RIGHT i forgot the sdcc exclusive. yeah 100$ list is average on that. best price ive seen (initially listed) recently is 80$ NIB. that said, i've seen them sell as low as 31$ when the packaging was damaged. because prices are so variable, i've seen damaged out-of-boxes go for more than NIBs (see: 115$ damaged catra vs 57$ NIB) because the seller/buyer were pricing based off of a higher listing. if someone is trying to sell something damaged or with a slightly off screening (imperfect paint/print job), you can lean on that to get the price lower (there's a glimmer with a Hilariously skewed screening - and missing accessories + messy hair - listed for 1$ on ebay right now).

the Lootcrate and Sonic stuff varies based on what it is (and if it's in a lot) but they tend to span 5-20$. usually they aren't sold individually so it's hard to price.

the stickers/tattoo/coloring sheets usually go in lots but range 2-15$

the target toy sword/shield and target costume should be something like 30-45$ for a good NIB price (i've seen them go up to 75$ as a list price tho). i've seen the costume go for as low as 10$ if it's used.

i havent seen enough listings (or any in some cases) to get a vibe on the prices for anything else.

these prices are just based on what's going down right now. they'll go up around the holidays and then lower again, and it's possible in a year they're all way higher or way lower than currently. collectors have targeted some of these things and its so obvious when the con exclusive pin sets can sell for 12$ and the (originally 15$!) dolls from target can go for 160$. it's super annoying and i hope all of them choke <3 but maybe their stupid speculating will taper off and it will get easier to get stuff reasonably. we can only hope

this has been sitting in my drafts for ages but im posting it now, not even in the hopes it will help someone, but so i can infodump about this extremely specific knowledge i've developed over the summer lmao

[expfcultragreen]

Guy-with-a-mom-who-does-this-and-its-his-normal voice: pushy women who make demands are so toxic, they'll just boss you around [by saying what they mean directly in an effort to not be toxic according to the above definition]. Its just so entitled. You can really tell what a woman is worth from how entitled she is; the more entitled the less she's worth. Its so bourgeois, you know? Actually i think we shouldnt have to treat these worthless women as humans at all, theyre always rich bitches anyway, you know? Hey stop talking about how my dads a banker who paid my mom to stay home and be his servant and also sent me to an ivy league school, thats not relevant, i dont take his money, im an ebay reseller and occasional drug dealer, IM "of the people"

[crowcryptid]

currently thinking about when my brother asked to borrow my 3ds to play pokemon moon and then i never saw my 3ds again

[kagayakimasu]

.

[goatlingsvent]

yall had better leave pain the fuck alone. seriously. theyre just a person trying to enjoy the game. if any of you knew what theyve been through youd feel like SHIT for trash talking them. complete fucking losers all of you for namedropping a completely innocent person who is A.) paying fairly for the ad's, and B.) USING the ad's on goats and keeping them in a good home. pain has done the same with jabberjaws and it is NOT an issue. im not gonna sit here and let yall shit talk a friend just because youre mad for some reason that they have the means to buy/trade for decalings. everyone plays the game how they want to and there isnt anything wrong w that. if they see it as saving the decalings from resellers (which makes complete sense btw, people ARE buying decalings for really cheap for the purpose of taking them out of storage to resell later), i see absolutely nothing wrong with that and i support whatever makes them happy because they deserve to be happy and play the game how they want!!!!! btw my user is popsicle, its me! if anyone has shit to talk come to me personally instead of being a fucking dork vagueing people on this blog. in fact maybe go to anyone you wanna namedrop and tell them the things you say on this blog. but yall would never do that cuz yall are literally all fucking pussies who start drama for petty shit and would never say anything off anon. im not afraid to come off anon, especially if its to stand up for a friend. yall get your heads out of your fucking asses and treat people with basic fucking decency i cant believe how much of an absolute cesspool this blog is. there are people in the server who personally rub me the wrong way but i talk about it with friends privately instead of coming here to be a fucking loser and vague them or shit talk them on anon. either keep it to yourself or actually go and talk to whoever you wanna shit talk next time you think of posting on this absolute mess of a blog. i know for a fact a majority of ppl in the server and ppl who stalk this blog are adults, fucking act like one then. and leave pain alone.

💙

[bringmoreknives]

how do you recommend getting into tracking down vinyls? i really want pretty much any mcr vinyl (im looking heavily into three cheers though, mostly because i want to experience interlude on vinyl) but theres so many shady, low offers and ones that seem like theyre highballing that i cant tell whats real ;-; and if you dont have have time/energy for an answer and would rather direct me to a reputable guide i would be more than okay with that! sorry for the long ask 🖤💜🖤💜

omg you’re totally fine!!! so i’m in no means an expert on this, i really only started looking into resale vinyl a few months ago. i do pretty much everything on discogs which is like, a site for record collectors and resellers. you can register your records that you already own on there along with their condition and it will tell you the approximate price of your collection based on past sale values which i think is really neat. (i guess it’s probably for like more extensive collectors for insurance purposes but i just like it.)

anyway, discogs also has a wantlist feature, where you can put specific pressings of albums on your wishlist and then it will email you when someone puts one of those up for sale. like so for example if you were dead set on owning the three cheers hot topic blood splatter pressing, which is one of the most in demand mcr vinyls, you could add that to your wantlist and then get an email if another was ever put up. (this is how i knew about the blue splatter ioh because it was still on my wantlist from before i bought it.) discogs also lets you browse by artist so you can see like a complete list of every release they ever put out, including limited things, special editions, international-only releases, etc. that’s how i found out about and bought the wttbp/heaven help us 45.

that being said, discogs is DEFINITELY not the only way to go about this. i haven’t really been Too too active in looking for vinyls because im trying not to tempt myself, but i know that @forjamia is really good at finding not just vinyl/general mcr memorabilia that’s on sale, but also new releases (i.e. those urban outfitters preorders). @ohimtherebabey is also very good although her specialty is mostly bullets lol (just teasing sav) also i know that @awsugar is usually pretty aware of when new variants come up or go for sale!

hope this was helpful!!!!

[ixiomdraws]

[CLOSED SPECIES]

I would like to officially introduce a creature species I've made. They arent really new since I've had them for years and posted them several times on a couple different blogs, but they were originally just one, not really a species, but I love them and i just wanted to expand on them and what they were, so here we go.

Please read under the cut for full info on budbugs.

BUDBUG is the species name, named after the original, Pillbug.

(this is Pillbug^)

Pillbug was the only of their kind, created in a lab for testing purposes, and not good ones. They were practically tortured, cut open countless times, experimented on, ect. They were made to be docile and obedient, no aggressiveness at all, to the point of almost being just a living stuffed animal.

Pillbug is quiet, and pretty much completely incapable of choosing to do anything. They will wait for someone to tell them to do something, sitting in the same spot till they starve to death. Think of the sims with free will option turned off. This is specifically Pillbug, the first and original, and does not apply to the whole species. All budbugs come from Pillbugs DNA, so, in a way, Pillbug is the mother/father to all of the others.

now onto the species:

BUDBUGS

Scientific name:Vitula mollisparva

CLOSED species

Lifespan: unknown. Oldest living budbug is 36 (human) years old.

Average height: on all fours:around 1 foot. Standing: 2 feet(bitty versions also available)

Average weight:15 pounds

Sex: Budbugs are a genderless species, and cannot reproduce. if you adopt one, you can choose any pronouns youd like to call them, they don’t care.

DIET: they can pretty much eat anything. Their diet is whatever is offered to them or available, including things like bark. They have no specific needs, but  there was a recorded overall preference of fruit and sweet things. Sweet milk is the number one way to attract them. It seems to be their absolute favorite, warm or cold. They have some semi-sharp molar like teeth in the back of their mouth that they use for crushing/chewing harder materials.

YOUNG: a hatchling(called pups) will not have vision, or be able to walk. they have feeling and scent to go on, much like a puppy. they have slight hearing that comes through to them as muffled sound. they are bottle fed milk like substance and sugar water(or a mix of both) for 3-4 months. 

since budbugs dont have the ability to reproduce, nor a gender, there is no mother to nurse them and is done by bottle. there is the possibility of an adult budbug attempting to nurse young, but it’s unlikely theyll produce milk in time before the young starves.(we of course have the ability to make ‘nursemaid’ parents, bottle feeding the hatchlings until their milk comes in from stimulation((e.g pups attempting to nurse on them for prolonged times))

 It's best to feed them mushy like food up to 6 or 7 months old. eyes open around 2-3 weeks old, along with better hearing. they start walking shortly after, 4-6 weeks. they will follow after people or animals in a fashion similar to ducklings, seeking a bigger ‘parental’ figure to protect them and make small chirp noises.

PLANT GROWTH:

Typically has any type of plant matter growing on their head, sometimes it can trail down their back and tail or even have random patches of plant matter elsewhere. the plants that grow on them are a part of them, for instance- cutting off a flower will cause a pinkish blood drop to emerge. They don’t seem to feel the pain of cut flowers/plant matter, nor does it need to be bandaged or treated, its fairly similar to regular plants in that aspect. [note:please do NOT use a mower or weedeater on your budbug]

The plants that grow on them are similar to regular plants, but often are more 'sturdy' and a little tougher to break/cut. This can vary somewhat by the individual, some will have more fragile type plant matter that easily comes off, others may have plant matter that is thicker, rooted and more connected to them. Usually youll know depending on plant type, thicker looking stems and such are most likely more rooted and a part of them and we highly recommended not trying to pull any plant matter out/off of them.

 its best to let the plant naturally die/fall off, and typically the plant doesnt overgrow to a point of causing difficulty to the budbug.

BEHAVIOR:

a common site is seeing the budbug grooming itself; licking like a cat and patting or somewhat 'pulling' on leaves or whatever plant matter they have, to shed the dead leaves, ect. If left with water, they might bathe themself, somewhat like a hamster or cat, except they dip their arms in the water instead of licking them.(if water is available)

They have horn-like nubs on their head covered in fur/felt, the horns stop growing at a certain point and then remain that way for life. Their horns have no use other than for hatching out of an egg at birth. Its extremely rare for them to be aggressive toward anything, including others of their species. They’re very sharing, and around their own kind, they will often groom each other, make soft calls, and sleep in piles. 

The few aggressive ones only did some mild growl like sounds and avoid the others, most of which stopped within an hour and joined in the regular activities.

There have been no cases of any attacks or biting, whether to their own species or other animals/people.

Meeting other species, they wont typically make the same call noises as they do to each other, but will still act friendly and try to sit next to or sleep with, and  even try to groom them.

They’re quiet, almost mute. They can make soft call noises and various other light toned sounds, they cant bark/moo, and even in distress or extreme pain, they typically only make soft whine noises or stay silent. they also make rumbling like sounds similar to a purr. They have a very high pain tolerance, some people might even claim they cant feel pain, but trust me, they do.

heres some similar noises they can make(budbugs sound a bit more soft though, kind of like cooing? if that makes sense) 

[1][2][3][4]

urgent call/trying to get attention(rare)

young/baby chirps

distress/pain call(rare)

Their arms are flipper like, though still usable as paws if needed, they prefer walking upright. their eyesight differs greatly, some excellent, some poor.  If you don’t like things staring at you, this isnt the pet for you. They are very observant, watching others is probably like tv to them. smell is their best sensory, along with hearing. their fur type can vary from otter-like(waterproof) to very fine silky soft fur and many others.

Personality:

trusting, obedient, friendly, happy, quiet, patient. They will spend the majority of their time observing their surroundings or others.(some are 'lazier' than others, falling asleep instead)

Intelligence:

varies. They can learn a lot, but they typically have low functioning free will and require commands or encouragement to act on things.

As an example, we set a waterer that works similar to a fountain, needing a button to be pressed to release water for drinking. The creature sees us operate it and with mild encouragement, will press the button and drink. We leave them alone for days,  and while they know how to operate the device, they do not, simply waiting.

It took several days of being completely alone before they finally activated the water by pressing the button. By their straightforward action, we could tell they knew how to operate it and it wasn't an accident. This test was ran on several others, all similar reactions. On average, only 3 out of 10 would react sooner, within 24 hours, 5 took about 3-5 days before reacting, and 2  passed out from dehydration and had to be taken to medical. (test was ran on 5 groups of 10)

Many other tests provide similar information: they typically wait for something to encourage or command them to act, even on simple survival such as food and water. If it isnt offered to them, they seem to get confused and wait for an offering, even if theyre next to a stream.

 In some tests conducted, when in groups, they will follow suit after others, even of different species. e.g, one walks to a stream to drink, they follow suit to drink as well. It’s possible this is a faulty instinct of survival, watching others to drink or eat something to make sure its safe for themself, the faulty part being that even once they know a source is safe, they’ll still often wait for encouragement to engage.

 thankfully, about 74% of them will get over this faulty instinct over time and regular encouragement towards a water/food spot. moving their dish or having a non-regular feeding area can cause this faulty instinct to return or worsen. it’s recommend to have a designated water and feeding spot set up for them to help them overcome that behavior.

other than that, they are extremely adept at learning commands and copying (to the best of their ability). they learn tricks incredibly easily. (e.g, roll over, sit, fetch, ect)

again, this is a CLOSED species. you do not have permission to make one of these without my consent. below are permissions if you get one- RETURNS: If you decide you do not want your budbug anymore, you can message me and I’ll take it back, either keeping it or putting it back up for adoption.  but i can not and will not refund you. Which should be obvious, but just in case, i’m stating it here. PERMISSIONS: -you have complete permission to draw/write/ect of them. harm/violence/gore is allowed. I dont mind gore or sad angst stories, so whatever you want to do with them once bought, you can. However, you do not have permission to include them in anything sexual. if they’re just being the pet that watches their owners do it, like how cats sometimes do, then that’s fine. But absolutely no fucking the budbugs or other sexual activities with them. -You do not have permission to resell them or sell merchandise with them on it.

This post will be updated as needed if anything changes to their species info. Last update: 10/18/2018 

[csmeaner]

Any cs that doesn't let you resell stuff you payed for are scummy. I once bought a cs in a special fto sale and they didn't let me resell it because it was a special sale. bitch i payed for it so i should be able to resell it for what i payed. if you don't want people to do that then don't sell it.

sell it under the table them if theyre going to be shitty about it. @csmarketplace is my literal bro lmao

and really they mustve had it written somewhere so if you saw that and still paid idk what to tell you but yeah its a scummy thing to do

[falconsandfishes]

platonic relationship

i have a bone to pick with plato. see the socratic method is basically the scene in montynpython in which a woman is weighed against a peice of wood to determine if she is a witch. and this is pretty much also the measurement system women use for me judge a cardio junkie by his ability to withstand smoke fumes. ive been up all night listening to eminem because i wish that i had the mysogny that he had because logically i should be mad at these females who lie to me but apparently developmentally theyre limited. 

so pretty much i just want my neck not to hurt and my side and platonic love isn really the kind which could support my lumbar spine but if you think im angry you are right and maybe if i rhyme my brain will work this time and ill finally be able to explain was never targeted at my objects of affections at all i like to walk around the mall see a cutie with a skirt on and she sees me looking at her tells her grandmother to leave her there because this place looks fun as she smiles at me there comes abu my friend who judges me and judges you and as i stare at her i can tell she wants me too probably more emotionally mature than my mom and a virgin with her skirt on and its workun but i have the confidence of a plastic bag floating in the wind shes cheesing while i hide behind her even though shes 4 11 and im 6 4 and because he was there i didnt pass because i dont cross paths but even thinking about having a girlfriend makes him mad. if shes too young for me i would have figured that out but it doesnt help that no matter how young or how old even the weather lady im told shes not right for me so will you make up your mind please can someone define maturity because apparently there is a reverse correlation between it and age and socrates was no sage im not really impressed that he drank poison similarly i smoke weed which takes me back to age three and birthday parties then i think about how much my life failed but only because everyone always stood in front of me. so snitch on me when i talk to you when youre in front of me at your desk and say your story about butterflies is the best begging middle and end. meawhile i havent even gotten to the first page of my legend of the sword it had a much more compliated plot which was cut off. then tell me i didnt count to tenthousand while you were listening to the teacher say the is spelled t h e and put me in a remedial reading class with a bunch of girls and address us as the girls so we can read books about a mouse who lives with his family in a house but if girls and boys are the same how can you explain i was the only one in that group to be bumped up to the advanced on by 2nd grade. i guess reading the encylopedia of animals wasnt a wase memorized their latin names bufo sativa phylobates. so by third grade i was getting so good at math that they took me out of class and had me testing material meant for 5th graders and it was really lame how can i explain all the flaws in the system to all the other people who were also ruined by it.

finally one girl who was definitely old enough for me waved at me when i looked at her and i got a boner and walked over to the ladies at the tea shop who looked at me with a disgusted look on their faces then some gangster looking dude older than i am replaces me with his hand on her shoulder.

before i was 18 i could beat up my dad and ever since then i knew not many people in my generation had much of a chance against me but i looked so thin they were not understanding. high iq causing depression have anothe smoke session even though you have athsma everyone remember to complain that i prefer to get high off one big hit i stayed in high school till i graduated but i left.

unfortunately with brain damage i could still make straight as which made me think i was ok gpa jumping above 3.68 when i only show up an agerage of 3 days.

practice your sky hook do your pushups get embaressed when an asian princess sees you do them 20 hanlaps perfect form and im not even a jock wow id better stop. next thing the girl i like is sitting on my lap in class telling me she likes me back shes sitting on my desk shes rubbing my face my life isnt gay justnsaynsomehing and youll get laid.

nah ill let some kid with adhd steal her seat and ill help him with math instead because i didnt tell her this but im alread braindead. my soul probably died with my pet lizard or my kitten perhaps it was internet addiction. 

what makes you think youll be make it as a porn star? you know im hot. well maybe i just didnt want you to act like a slut. i still remember the blonde who waves at me and smiled my freshman year it was clear that the world was my oyster the only problem was i couldn make my own choices.

i wanted to be an actor but i was so good at acting nobody got it. was so good at debating everyone liked to argue. was so succinct couldnt get the last word. so fast nobody would pass me the ball so dominant in wrestling i had to pretend i couldnt win just to have a friend.

pretty much i feel like the last cro magonon stuck on an island without charlotte saisselin bounce baby bounce three story house you look so cute in a blouse. hey look theres charlottes stalker i think il wave my arms around.

bounce baby is a reference to eigth grade i was watching a 100 meter race and then some black guy said that she never raced again. weed turned her from a goth into a wigger and after that i figured id become one too but it wasnt till 2009 i started to dress like you. what happened was i got some clothes from olympia sports to wear as warmups on the basketball court and to work as a salesman i shaved my head smiled knowing i was dead but still i couldnt even say i wanted to kiss  girl without that not being cool enough for my nephew and her bowl broke too

it fell from her car on the pavement and she said that he didnt even get to hit it.

so now im living in my dads room on the floor and finally my back isnt sore i have a well paying job im away from mom i have iron lungs and dad still doesnt approve because now i play too much basketball.

hi im interested in going to california. i meant connecticut but califonia will do since its warm there. sure steve come on out west but read the fine print your 20s are dead.

prove you wrong shame on me. dont prove you wrong brag proudly. stay out west and let your dad die. watch him act like an asshole at home back east one more time. your reward for having surived on the street for years as a middle clas kid

your friend says he thought you were dead. by the way he has this girlfriend in connectiut. oh you were the one who set him up with her? theres a whole website or three centered around her? 

better get you to spend your money on heroin and make you seem like a jerk in front of my dad. my excuse is im skitzophrenic.

all because my dad shamed me for growing up even crazier than him. thats why i called up my friend and asked him to date my girlfriend. 

there must have been something in those amphetamines which made me keep stopping at her house. i found them up on the shelf years after i tried to spill them out.

it was the first time an adult had ever called me immature. he also said my handwriting was bad and i needed a cure. talking to him i began to get red where even to begin? i have a lot of prblems at home and this isnt fair. see my dad camps in the yard and gets drunk watches us through windows andmy sister punches me in the head. mom pretty much works till shes in bed.

every day she watches the same soap opera and oprah which i record for her on tape. my sisters friends call me gay so i go over and play with the kids from the other neighorhood all day. 

one of them listens to a lot of eminem. his favorite song is if you dont like it you can suck my dick. hes in reform school and proud to be off his meds. when i talk about biking down a steep hill and blending into traffic he thinks i meannliterall blend in.

two gay twin brothers end of the road honor roll kids. play baseball and have alcoholic parents. hey ill tell the girl steve likes he likes her then she will never talk to him again. accept his chalenge to a fight and he will bang my head into a tree which is the same thing i did to another kid who tried to jump me but got sperated from his friends. 

refuse to dance with the only girl in middle school who has hips. make fun of the girls intelligence who sits next to you in math and has giant tits. refuse to eat candy off the first girls tounge then your science teacher who pushed pills on you flips on the tv its 911

stare at a girl all day and say you dont like her. girls think youre gay if you have a boner. telll me a calculator doesnt mattrer for a test but i do worse without one. make a flag pencil it isnt cool enough for the other kids.

sit with the retarded kids timmy and jimmy. watch nick all night fresh prince and bill cosby.

your sister wont stop torturing you so hold her at knife point. buy knives at school try to resell them and for the first time ever the kids you sold them to ge caught witth knives.

stay in the program with three teachers who gave up on you. one leaves to become a dean suddenly your grades go up. kids are jealous because you dont do homework. girls smile at you knowing that your test scores are high despite that.

throw shotput as far as a high school kid without any exercise or practice. run around the track dozens of times in pants you still arent good enough yet.

go to an alternative program reluctantly in high school its sort of like jail. everyone smells like cigarettes the air is stale. this isnt good for you but we will make you think if you leave you will fail.

[nudesreadingminicomics]

‘Werewolf Jones and Sons’ #2 by Simon Hanselmann and Html Flowers

Hi, this is 'Werewolf Jones & Sons' issue two from Simon Hanselmann and Html Flowers.  I'm gonna repeat a lot of what I've said in previous reviews of these guys' stuff but I think some of the finer points I always stress on apply even more when these two team up on a mini so fuck you I'm gonna repeat myself anyway.  I'm not gonna go gushing here so much on their prowess as authors or artists insomuch to get a free drawing sent in the mail or a like on an instagram post so much as I want to convey to you, the reader, as I always have tried to convey, how much I believe these two are serious god damn old school joke and gag writers of a tradition going back to the days of Steve Allen.  And where, individually and in their own projects, Hanselmann has been evolving his characters through a longer form mise´en scene of the culture of hanging out, the late 90s/early aughts, and the early days of social media wars and broken families in such a beautiful and mellow evolution of the tragicomedy and HTML Flowers weaves and casts his tales like incantations and spells in true shamanistic form to convey the crippling emotions and futility of chronic disease and the beauty and expanse of nature and emotion; it is so amazing that when the two of them, with their wholly unique and formed tangential visions, get together it feels like two guys in the office of Hanna Barbera working under deadline to crank out gags and make them good.

And thats what happens here, in two stories that perfectly encapsulate two different ways of telling a joke.  In HTML flower's 'Herpes Creme' we get a steady and sharp snare drum like precision delivery of gag after gag in the Mel Brooks or Sid Cesar style as simple as any "guy walks into a doctors office" skit and just as every bit effective.  To make every line a joke, every single line of dialogue a stab at the reader deeper and deeper into the funny bone, while still using it as effective dialogue to propel the story and never fall into exposition is comedy chops of the finest kind and thats what we get in the first little tale.  The perfect skit tells one joke and it tells it over and over again without it ever getting boring or the reader noticing and damn if HTML flowers dont' pull it off here; he should be writing for SNL but theyre wimps over there and don't like comedy so we know that will never happen.  And in the second, Hanselmann delivers on the slow build, as he has done before so gut bustingly right in pieces like his delightfully offensive "Owls Room".  We go down a path that Hanselmann is becoming an expert at of taking us down that starts at mild comedy, paces itself evenly and steadily downward into glimpses of heart wrenchingly accurate portrayals of real tragedy, and then just as its got me questioning if this is gonna be a tale that just leaves me with the ol empathy sads by the finish he finally lands that punch to the face he's spent winding up this whole time, panel after panel without me noticing, and goes and nails the big joke that leaves jaw open and tears in the eyes.  What we call that, friends, is the punchline.  

I don't' think you can get this book, I'm pretty late in covering it as I always am in these reviews, but it seems there are a few charlatans on eBay trying to make a profit on reselling it if you really want to get it in your hands.  Oh, and I should mention that I am quite proud that I did the absolute right thing one should do with a WWJ&S mini comic; I got drunk at the photo shoot and spilled cheap whiskey all over it.  Now the paper is completely warped, wrinkled, and has that stale puke whiskey smell and that is exactly the condition it should be read in.   #werewolfjones #simonhanselmann #htmlflowers #minicomic #comix

go to Hanselmanns bigcartel and look at all the stuff thats sold out that you cant buy:  http://meggandmogg.bigcartel.com/

html flowers is the most important voice in underground comics and he has some minis available on his site so buy multiple copies right now:  http://novisitors.bigcartel.com/

and support me on patreon: https://www.patreon.com/shfb

[strawberryspeachy]

So. I orders clothes off this app where people resell the clothes they dont want. (And stuff)

I bought my tv from there and a skirt at the exact same time as the oufit im waiting on (from a different seller)

My name and address becomes available to ppl once i order from them

Both other ppl sent it to my real name

Sometimes my aparement building doesnt come up on google. Both sellers this time said they had an issue

So i sent them the number of the house next door which sometimes works and i told them that

So it was #building name #room number

#street address - 3 numbers (first two the same, the third 24 instead of 27)

City, municipality, zip

The other seller saif it corrected itself for her and clarified the correct number

The second one was like GOT IT but didnt reiterate

But because she said the same exact thing as the other i figured it was fine

The others package got here in two days

I waited 5 for the other and asked for the tracking number

She doesnt have it and said shell ask for it after the holiday

She asked if my address was correct then sent me THE MOST BS THING I HAVE EVER

So. She took out my building name....then added my room number onto the end of the WRONG street address

ANDDDD she used my ACCOUNT NAME instesd of my real FuCKinG NAME ——- she didnt tell me that till today after i went to the post office

She sent me a message today saying she talked to the post office. They said they tried to mail it to me but i wasnt home so they left a paper to pick it up and only (screen name) could recieve it

K. So this is all in a japanese and my japanese is not good.

So even though she said that - i read it as “you can pick it up” not as “only (name) can pick it up”

So i went. I asked the staff about it and showed them out messages. Everything is written out there in japnese for them to understand

BUT HERE COMES THE JAPANESE PEOPLE REFUSE TO TRY AND HELP

i said a little and showed them the message she sent me today. Which had the name of the manager who was called and told about the situation by the seller

Then said. But theres been some mistakes.

And scrolled up to the address that she sent it to

So. I had to ask them to please read it. I showed it to them. They glanced at it. Then looked up and started asking me questions. I told them to read. She they just scrolled around and PRETENDED to read. Instesd of actually reading.

I didnt realize that it literally says (name) must pick it up. BUT THEY CAN UNDERSTAND THAT and my NAME WAS THERE IN THE CONVERSTION. CAUSE ITS ME

So they told me oh we cant look. We need the tracking number. What day it was sent. And where it was sent from

And as usual. The dude goes off on a tangent in jaapnese and im like

I cant understand. And offered him my phone to type in japanese to translate. He doesnt. They ALWAYS look at it like its a complicated confusing device theyve never seem ITS AN IPHONE. He goes in the back and gets a translater. And translates what i just said above.

K yeah no. I understood the simple shit.

Fuck dude. I cant stand having convos with japanese ppl where i respond to and understand their simple shit - then when they get complicated i say i cant understand. So they fucking translate the shit THAT I RESPONDED BACK TO THEM IN JAPANESE ABOUT OBVIOUSLY PROVING I UNDERSTOOD THAT PART

k so i message the seller

The post office is confused. They need blah blah

She then FINALLY CLARIFYS LIKE WHY DID YOU WAIT

oh i sent it by regular mail so there is no tracking. And I explained the situation to that manager (she just wrote the name in the last email - not that that manager understood the situation) and i sent it to your screen name

And then all the info that the post office asked for

UNFORTUNATELY. i got there late and the post office was closed before i got her response

But now im pissed at thr post office too. Cause like you fucking assholes can read and understand japanese. She wrote in a way i assume japnese people would understand - not needing to specify every individual thing for me - who can’t understand their vague speech.

AND the name of their MANAGER Was there. So of course they didnt go -hey. I know that person - lets ask her if she knows anything.

Nope. Just your regular run of the mill ‘im gonna tilt my head back and forth and laugh for 30 minutes’ cause god forbid they tell you what they have to say ONCE when youre confused and let you go try to figure it out CAUSE YOU MIGHT FIGURE IT OUT AND MAKE THEM DO THEIR JOB NOOOOOO so theyll just repeat the same thing like 20 times you use - following you every time you try to walk away. Stopping you from typing - and telling you to come over here. Come over there. Sit here. Stop there.

Welp thats not all. I live in a sharehouse. One of the housing ppl were here when i left. This house is a mess and the shoebox is a couple feet from the door despite us not being allowed to wear shoes in the house (and its really FUCKING DIRTY) and the shoe thing in japan is just tradition - its not cause they care about.... anything. Japanese people step into places with their shoes on and take their shoes off there all the time. Ppl looked at me weird and told me it was fine when i first moved here and took the shoe thing seriously

But. Pretty sure the housing hate me (cause i complain to have them fix the stuff THAT THEYRE SUPPOSED TO FIX AND DO - back to that japanese ppl hating to actually have to do their job instead of pretend work thing)

So of course. At the EXACT same time as i walked in the door - the housing dude was leaving and was in the lowered spot with the shoes

I should have just walked back outside and waited a few seconds. But i didnt. I walked in. Took the two steps in and changed my shoes.

He turned to watch me before continuing to put his shoes on and leave.

Thats the same dude who said nothing when he saw my housemates girlfriend here - but did walk over to his room to confirm he saw what he did. And then sent an email about it like a week later

So now im stressed that im gonna get in trouble for - doing something everyone in this house and out do

And im tired

And miserable

And why do i always manage have everything happen at THE EXACT WRONG MOMENT - why havent i ever experienced the exact RIGHT moment. Always the exact wrong one