#to see a show with such heart and quality be struck down the way it was

[corvidinthewoods]

i feel like every so often for the next several years im going to think about season 3 of the owl house and what couldve been and ive going to get angry and upset all over again. even if the ending we get is perfectly satisfying and conclusive, i wont be able to stop noticing the bits of each special that clearly wouldve been their own episodes/arcs in a proper season. the lines about “if we had time for 20 more adventures” and the frustrations shared by the crew. idk if ill get truly over it for quite a while

[himasgod]

Baizhu x Reader

Where you are his assistant and he ends up falling for you

The scent of fresh herbs filled the air in Bubu Pharmacy, where Baizhu, with his endless patience, worked mixing medicines. Changsheng rested on his shoulder, watching as his precise hands ground the leaves in a mortar.

You arrived at the pharmacy almost at dusk, carrying a basket with some herbs you had collected for him. You had met him months ago, when you had sought his help in treating a fever that had struck a member of your family. Since then, you had found comfort in his calm words and absolute dedication to medicine. Something about him drew you in: perhaps his warmth, or the way he cared for others even as he dealt with his own fragility.

“Ah, you’re back?” Baizhu looked up when you entered, his soft smile lighting up his face. Changsheng whistled softly, as if greeting you as well.

“I brought you some herbs I found in the mountain,” you said, setting the basket down on the counter. Your hands brushed against his as he leaned down to examine your collection, and you noticed that his fingers were somewhat cold.

“They’re good quality,” he commented, inspecting the leaves carefully.

“Thank you for taking the trouble. You know you didn’t have to, right?”

“I know, but I wanted to help you. You’re always busy taking care of everyone; someone has to take care of you, too.”

For an instant, you could see his eyes soften, a vulnerable expression he rarely showed. Baizhu was used to giving, not taking, and your words seemed to touch something deep within him. Changsheng, ever perceptive, interrupted the moment with her signature sarcasm.

“Hsss… It seems someone wants to steal the doctor’s heart. Although, honestly, I don’t know how functional that heart is now.”

Baizhu let out a soft scoff, shaking his head at the snake’s joke.

“Changsheng, could you be a little less scathing?” He murmured before looking at you with a more serious expression.

“I’m not used to someone worrying about me. But I really appreciate what you do.”

You sat next to him as he continued to work, quietly enjoying his company. It was a routine you had established without even realizing it: him mixing medicines, you helping him with small tasks, or just being there, filling the space with a knowing calm.

In those moments, Baizhu seemed to forget his own fragility and his worries about the time he had left.

Finally, when he finished his work, he walked you to the exit. Night had completely fallen, and the stars shone brightly over Liyue. Before you could say goodbye, he spoke in a lower tone, almost as if he was afraid of breaking the charm of the moment.

“You… why do you keep coming? I don’t want you to feel obligated to help me. My job can be tiring and… well, it’s not always easy to be around someone like me.”

You turned to look directly at him, seeing the doubt in his eyes. Sometimes, Baizhu could be so compassionate towards others and so hard on himself that you wanted to shake him until he understood how much he meant to you.

“I keep coming because I want to be here,” you said firmly.

“Because I admire you, Baizhu. And because I believe that even though you try hard to take care of everyone else, you also need someone to be by your side.”

Baizhu looked surprised, as if your words had disarmed his defenses. Changsheng let out an amused sigh, but he ignored her. Instead, he took a step towards you, his expression filled with a tenderness he rarely allowed himself to show.

“You are… a very special person,” he finally said, his voice heavy with emotion.

“And I have no words to express what it means to me that you are here.”

As he leaned slightly towards you, you felt the world around you fade away, leaving only the warmth of his proximity and the gentle breeze of the night. It was a brief kiss, filled with a sweetness and vulnerability that was as unique as he was. When he pulled away, his eyes searched yours, as if he wanted to make sure he hadn’t made a mistake.

“Thank you,” he murmured.

“For staying, even when I don’t think I deserve it.”

You smiled, taking his hand gently.

“I will always stay, Baizhu. Because to me, you are important.”

Under the stars of Liyue, with the distant sound of the waves and Changsheng’s whisper as a background, Baizhu allowed the weight of his responsibility to ease for once.

Maybe this way you could give his rotten heart a break.

Here is my masterlist, in case you are interested in any more of my work or want to send me a request <3

[0-animelover-0]

Itty Bitty Crush

Summary: How they react when they realize they have a crush on you.

Warning(s): None, just Fluff.

Characters: So'lek, Teylan, Eetu, Etuwa, Ri'nela and Nefika.

A/N: sorry if they are a little ooc. I haven't played in a week.

So'lek ->

• So'lek would likely have conflicting feelings about having a crush on you. On one hand, he is drawn to you by your strength and your passionate spirit. On another, he feels as if his feelings would distract him in his duties or he'd lose the relationship he built with you.

• He would likely keep his feelings hidden, as to not cause any conflict. He'd distance himself from you, not to be cold or harsh, but to hope that the thoughts of you would fizzle out.

• That would obviously just make things worse so he let his guard down for once and let you into his heart. It would take a while for him to confess these things to you.

Teylan ->

• Teylen would likely be embarrassed that he has suddenly developed feelings for you. He'd feel a sudden rush of attraction towards you as he came to the realization. His feelings may be overwhelming at first, but given time, his heart would slowly be drawn in your direction more and more, and he would gain more and more confidence that he truly likes you.

• He might become shy or awkward around you at first, then try to find ways to impress you. He'd follow you like a lost puppy, always trying to talk to you about basically anything.

• Eventually you would notice that he'd become more and more comfortable with you. He'd hang around you more than the others, his touches linger longer, and his face blush whenever you touched him.

Eetu ->

• Eetu would likely be initially confused about the feelings. He would try to rationalize and logically understand where they came from. Once he recognized them, he would probably feel embarrassed and act awkward. He might even feel the need to hide his feelings.

• As time went on, he'd warm up to the idea and try to get closer to you. However, it would take time and a lot of patience for him to open up and accept the fact that he has a crush on you. Even then, he would definitely still be awkward about it.

• He'd quickly feel a warm sensation in his chest, and butterflies in his stomach! He'd feel like he'd been struck by lightning, and his pulse would race! Eetu would feel overwhelmed by all the feelings that come with having a crush, and his reactions would vary! He could blush and stutter one moment then give you cheeky smiles that might be slightly teasing next.

Etuwa ->

• Etuwa would be surprised to realize she had a crush on someone, but would also be intrigued by it. She would take the time to study and observe her emotions, and try to gauge if these feelings were genuine, or just a fleeting attraction.

• After some time, she would likely approach you and share her feelings in an honest and open-minded way, hoping to see if they reciprocated. She would likely express the various qualities you have that make her attracted to you, and hope that this would spur further affection between you both.

Ri'nela ->

• Ri'nela would react with a mix of confusion and excitement! She would become flushed, and may even have difficulty speaking as her heart pounds in her chest. She would try to hide her feelings from you, but there would likely be a hint of nervousness about her that could reveal itself.

• As she is a very strong independent woman, once she realizes she has developed feelings for you she will slowly start to show her soft, feminine side. At the start she will blush uncontrollably when in your presence, and will begin to make up excuses to spend time with you.

• Once she has enough trust in you (after many adventures together, bonding and sharing secrets), she would use a clever joke or flirt with you as an attempt to gauge your interest. Even though she can be stubborn at times, she is loyal towards whoever can earn her heart.

Nefika ->

• Nefika would initially be in disbelief at having feelings for someone else especially you, the Sarentu. She would then perhaps try to hide those feelings. However, once she accepted those feelings and realized they weren't going away, she would likely start to act differently towards you.

• She might be more affectionate, smile more, and potentially even flirt with you. However, she would still be a bit hesitant, wanting to make sure you felt the same way before taking things any further.

• Since she'd find it difficult to express her feelings with direct confrontations, she'd prefer to show them through gestures and gifts. She would swear that it was alright whenever she gifted you with an exquisite attire. However, if you show an affectionate side towards her and make her feel appreciated, she might eventually open up and admit her feelings for you.

[unremarkablehouse]

Scully’s Hot Date

CH1 | Mature | S6 | WC 1639 | AO3

Summary: Mulder happens to run into Scully on her way to a blind date. Inspired by this photo of Gillian.

Tagging: @today-in-fic The FBI parking garage was desolate as Mulder slowly made his way to his car. Friday night before a public holiday, it seemed like everyone one had places they’d rather be. The squeak of tires and flash of light as a car pulled into a space was truly startling, more so the fact that he recognized that car within a fraction of a second from his periphery. It was her, Dana Scully, returning to work after 7pm on a Friday night. A large part of him hoped it was to see him, but as she parked her car near his, he knew logically it didn’t quite add up. Lounging on the trunk of his car, Mulder watched Scully get out of her car, her body stiffening momentarily before making her way towards his direction with a renewed confidence as she clocked the awe struck look on his face. Mulder didn’t mean to ogle but he had never seen her dressed quite like this before. Her hair pinned up displaying her neck, a dress that was soft and showed her curves, and her breasts. Good lord, her tits were out and Mulder’s brain had ceased to function. He wasn’t sure how long he had been staring at her, but Scully’s laugh and the click of her fingers brought him back to earth. She was now standing in front of him, an amused smirk on her face at his reaction. 

“Hi, I wasn’t expecting anyone to be here tonight,” Scully said with an edge of awkwardness in her voice unconsciously licking her lips in that way that drove Mulder insane.

“You look very… non-FBI tonight,” Mulder replied, unsure of the exact right words to use to describe how incredible his Partner looked. 

“Thanks, I think. I have a date,” Scully bristled as she started to make her way to the parking lot stair case. 

Mulder caught up with her in a few easy strides. 

“Hold up, who is the guy? He doesn’t work here right?”

There was nothing remotely casual about the tone of Mulder’s voice, the jealous quality was begrudgingly sweet so Scully took pity on him and stopped to talk as they entered the stairwell. 

“It’s a blind date a friend set me up on, I haven’t met him before so I organized to meet in front of the Hoover building so we can get a drink nearby.”

“Do you need a chaperone,” Mulder asked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, standing close to Scully, her back almost pressing against the concrete wall. 

“I think I’ll be ok,” Scully said with a laugh, placing her hand on his chest to push him back, but instead slowly rubbing large circles across his pecks. Her heart raced when her palm made contact with one of his erect nipples, but she didn’t remove her hand.

“You look really beautiful tonight Dana,” Mulder said his eyes staring so intensely into hers it was like all the oxygen had been sucked out of the room. 

With an anguished sigh, Mulder dropped his head down, awkwardly resting it on Scully’s shoulder like a child needing comfort. Instinctively, her hand found its way into his hair, rubbing over the nape of his neck and back again. 

“What times your date,” he whispered, doing nothing to hide the melancholy from his voice. 

“Not for another half hour, I’m early.”

“Hmm,” Mulder said with a sad acknowledgement, nuzzling his nose into her neck in a way that made Scully catch her breath. Instinctively, she found herself kissing his temple and inhaling his smell. The warmth of their bodies and their proximity to one another was intoxicating. Mulder pressed both hands onto her hips to anchor her in place as he gently kissed a spot under her ear and whispered “I wish it was me.”

Mulder pushed away from her, ready to go back to his empty apartment, while Scully went on a date with a man who wasn’t him. Feeling a tug on his arm, Mulder turned as Scully grabbed onto his hand. 

“If you want it to be you, then ask me out Mulder,” her voice was breathy but challenging as she stared him down. 

Mulder’s puppy dog eyes seemed to penetrate her soul, filled with angst and a vulnerability which Scully was helpless to resist. 

“Dana Katherine Scully, will you go on a date with me?”

Scully made a show at umming and ahhing, while Mulder dramatically contorted his face in agony. 

“Okay,” Scully finally replied with a large grin, eliciting a delighted laugh from them both as Mulder excitedly bent down to kiss her. 

It was meant to be a quick celebratory peck in the heat of the moment, but Scully’s arms wrapped around Mulder’s neck and before they knew it he had lifted her up and pressed their bodies against the wall. Scully hungrily kissed Mulder, pulling his head closer to hers, unable to get enough. Mulder’s hands wondered ever so slightly up her thigh and back down to her perfect ass, unable to explore more territory as he held her up to his hip height. 

Her legs wrapped around him, pulling Mulder closer and grinding her hips against him hard. And with that, the flood gates were open. All the years of restraint and denial crumbled as they finally admitted the physical need between them. Decency and self awareness had long left the building as Scully’s hand reached for Mulder’s rock hard cock. Stroking it over his pants she moaned and ached to feel him inside her. Mulder enthusiastically nuzzled and kissed at her breasts while Scully attempted to undo his fly. In a surreal out of body experience Scully realized she was about to fuck Mulder for the first time in an FBI stairwell, minutes before she was meant to be going on a date with another man. However, she could not bring herself to care about the impropriety of the situation, conversely it actually made her ridiculously aroused at how primal and insane the whole situation was. Any concern or hesitation she might have had on the subject vanished completely when Mulder found her left nipple and bit down on it in a way that lead to a gasp and a flood of arousal. Moving their heads back up to kiss once more, Mulder’s hand managed to free his cock and slide it against Scully’s wet cunt as he deftly moved her panties to the side.

Mulder stroked himself against Scully’s slit, bumping the head of his cock over her clit as she moaned in approval. Scully squeezed her thighs hard against Mulder’s waist, impatient for more of him. “Mulder, now,” she panted in desperation.

The relative size of his cock and the angle of their bodies, forced him to enter her at an excruciatingly slow rate. Scully felt the stretch as it struggled to accommodate his girth, and her mouth watered at the thought of riding him until she was spent and sore. With a grunt and a thrust Mulder was completely sheathed inside her and Scully felt her pussy flutter and tingle at just the feel of him inside her.

Without much leverage, Mulder rolled his hips in circles, adding a pulsating motion to fuck her without ever leaving Scully’s body. The movement felt delicious, and the feel of Mulder’s stubble against her neck as he moaned “Oh, God Scully” was enough to tip her over the edge. Scully’s back awkwardly arched against the wall, her moan and cries of ecstasy leaving no doubt as to what she was experiencing. 

Mulder was in awe as he felt her convulse around his cock, moisture gathering between them, and the unmistakable quivers driving him wild. 

Mulder wasn’t anywhere near ready to cum himself, but he felt a sense of satiation by proxy as he continued to rock into her body, gently bringing her back from the edge. 

The loud trill of a cell phone brought them both back to reality and Mulder quickly removed himself from Scully and straightened up, their hearts pounding at prospect of getting caught. The ring continued and Scully realized it was coming from her purse, the neurons once again firing in her brain, battling adrenaline and her post orgasmic haze. 

Answering the phone with a professional, “Dana Scully,” her voice did not betray any of the lewd activities that had just taken place, and Mulder marveled at her ability to compartmentalize so quickly.

“Hi Derek, I can’t really hear you I’m in the parking structure. I’ll see you outside in 10.” 

As Scully hung up the phone and was greeted by Mulder’s heart sick face. 

“You’re still going to go out with him?”

“Well I can’t cancel this late, it would be rude.”

Mulder gave a snort of derision as he straightened his pants and licking his lips to remove some of Scully’s lipstick that had made its way onto his lips. He was pouting, and while Scully would normally find it infuriating, he looked adorable all ruffled with feint traces of lipstick still on him. 

“Mulder, would you like to join with us? We’re just getting drinks around the corner.”

“Really?” Mulder asked, excited as a kid on Christmas. 

“Of course, let me just straighten up in the bathroom first and we can go.” 

They quickly walked down  the stairwell to the lobby exit, but Mulder pulled Scully back before she could open the door. 

Looking up at him with a questioning stare, Mulder bashfully smiled at her. 

“I need a hug before we face the outside world,” Mulder admitted with a vulnerability that melted Scully. 

Without hesitation Scully tightly wrapped her arms around Mulder, her body melding perfectly into his.

With a quick kiss to her head Mulder broke the hug, “come on, let’s make ourselves look presentable, we have a date.”

[the-banana-0verlord]

The yanderes of Nevermore

Notes: Gn reader, yandere themes, etc. You can choose to see some sort of contuinity between the paragraphs or not. also GO READ NEVERMORE IT’S AWESOME AND ON WEBTOON.

***

There were times when you made Lenore saner and others where you drived her crazy. But it all broke down on the day she kidnapped you, taking you away from your arranged marriage until lightning struck twice and killed you both.

Annabel Lee was absolutely whipped with you. She learned the news of your death the day of her unhappy wedding, as the knife of her fiancé struck through her heart. But now that she found you again, she’ll use all of her power to make sure you’ll stay by her side.

It was common knowledge that Morella had nothing else than good intentions. It was those intentions that drove away all of the people she considered a “bad influence”, even if they were your friends. You were left isolated, turning to her and only her for support.

Duke was a trickster: one second he was there, the next he was nowhere to be seen. You were also a troublemaker, a quality not unseen by him. Using nothing but his wits, he tricked you into more trouble than you thought, with only him able to be your knight in shining armor against the Dean’s wrath.

Pluto worshipped the very ground you walked on and celebrated every breath you took. Everywhere you went, he was there, following you like a shadow. He hated everyone you talked with as they were not worthy of your smile and your kindness. He would make sure they’d disappear.

Berenice was not one to hide her affections, and god forbid a man would even look at you in the wrong way. But it was no use to try and get away: everytime you manifested your uncertainty, she would still smile, but her claws would dug deep into your arm as a warning.

Eulalie was strange, to say the least, but you gained quite a liking to her as she stuck around. To this day, you still have no idea of the horrors she has done to keep her for herself thanks to her seemingly harmless nature.

Dignity was a bizarre concept to Ada, as she would throw away every last shred of her own to satisfy you. For you, it was privacy you lacked: no matter how many times you tried to avoid her, she would pop up beside you like an unwanted weed.

Prospero may be cold, but he is also entitled. As your fiancé in your past life, he believes you belong to him. He doesn’t hesitate to punish you harshly if you fail the duties he assigns you to be what he calls a “good partner”.

Montresor was anything but a good man: selfish, greedy, cruel and a hypocrite. While he was busy sleeping around as he pleased, you were forbidden of showing even the slightest glimpse of your neck to one of these peasants. You were his and his alone.

Do not underestimate Will. Like Pluto, he is similar to a lost puppy, sticking by anyone who is stronger and will “guide” him. His instinct is to serve, even if his last act of service would be to die in your name.

You don’t remember when or how you died, or how long it has been. All that mathered is that you woke up in Merry and Mourn’s arms as their new little doll, a plaything to use until bore.

***

Have a good day/night!

[multifandomfix]

Jude Martin Fluff Alphabet

A = Affection (Are they physically affectionate in public or just in private?)

Sister Jude is reserved in public due to her position. However, in private, she can be deeply affectionate, holding you close and showing you her softer side.

B = Babe (What would they use as pet names? Do they use them a lot?)

She prefers classic pet names like “darling” or “dear.” She uses them sparingly but each time with a warmth that makes you feel cherished.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Jude loves to cuddle in private. She likes to be the big spoon, wrapping her arms around you protectively, holding you close to her chest.

D = Domestic (What’s it like living with them? Do they do their share of chores?)

Living with Sister Jude is structured and orderly, but not without a little fun, like middle of the kitchen dancing in the evening. She ensures that chores are done efficiently and believes in sharing responsibilities equally.

E = Easy (What is the easiest way to win their heart?)

The easiest way to win Jude’s heart is through acts of kindness and understanding. Show her you see beyond her tough exterior and appreciate her more vulnerable side when it peeks through the cracks.

F = Fun (Where do they take you for fun? Are they flirty?)

Jude enjoys simple, quiet pleasures. She might take you on serene walks or to a cozy spot for a quiet lunch. She’s can definitely be a flirt, but it’s usually conveyed in whispered innuendos and knowing looks.

G = Gifts (Are they a gift giver? What kind of gifts do they give?)

Jude is a thoughtful gift giver, favoring meaningful over materialistic gifts. She might give you something with sentimental value or a book she thinks you’d love.

H = History (What’s their relationship history like? Do they have any plans on settling down?)

She has a complicated history, and prefers to leave it all in the past. Despite seeming cold, she does have the desire to settle down with someone who understands her and offers her peace of mind.

I = I Love You (Who says I love you first?)

You’d have to. She isn’t about to break that wall of hers without knowing how you feel about her first.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Jude can get quite jealous, though she tries to hide it. Her jealousy manifests in subtle, possessive gestures and a protective demeanor.

K = Kids (How are they around children? Would they want some of their own?)

Jude is surprisingly good with children, having a nurturing side that emerges around them. She’d not really want her own however, too damaged to think she’d make a good mother, even at this point in her life.

L = Love Language (How do they show their love to you?)

Jude shows her love through acts of service and quality time. She takes care of you in small, considerate ways and cherishes every moment spent together, almost clutching onto it like she fears it’ll come to an end any moment.

M = Meet (How did they meet you?)

You met Jude through a volunteer program at Briarcliff, where you were struck by her commanding presence and the glimpse of vulnerability in her eyes.

N = Nurture (Are they good at taking care of you if you’re hurt/sick?)

Listen, she’ll ensure you get better, but she can get impatient as a caretaker. It’s better if you aren’t the whiny and demanding type when you’re sick, but she’ll do her best regardless. She just might keep her distance from you emotionally until you’re better. She doesn’t want to lash out.

O = Options (What are some things they would like in a partner?)

Jude values honesty, resilience, and compassion in a partner. She needs someone who understands her complexities and offers unconditional support in those moments where she wavers and doubts herself and her path.

P = Protective (How protective are they? How would they protect you?)

Jude is fiercely protective, both emotionally and physically. She would stand up to anyone who threatens you and make sure you’re safe and secure.

Q = Quirk (What small habit/feature/quirk do they have that you find especially endearing?)

You find her habit of absentmindedly humming old tunes while doing chores especially endearing. It shows a softer, somewhat nostalgic side to her that she rarely reveals.

R = Realization (When and what makes them realize they’re in love?)

Jude realizes she’s in love during a quiet evening when she catches herself lost in thought about you and the future you might have together. It’s a moment of clarity and peace for her.

S = Sentimental (Are they the sentimental type? What things hold sentimentality for them?)

Jude is quite sentimental. She treasures personal mementos like old letters, photographs, and any gifts you’ve given her that remind her of the love you share. But she’ll keep them all locked up and tucked away, only to view them in private since she’d prefer you not know just how sentimental she can be.

T = Try (In what ways do they support or help you?)

Jude supports you through her strength and wisdom. She helps you face challenges, offers sage advice, and is always there to listen and encourage you.

U = Unique (What’s something they’d only do for you?)

Jude would sing for you. Her reserved and stoic nature would lead you to believe that she wouldn’t like to sing, she has a beautiful voice and would serenade you in a rare, intimate moments.

V = Vacation (Where would they take you on vacation? What would you do?)

Jude would take you to a quiet, picturesque place like a cabin in the woods or a secluded beach. You’d spend your days relaxing, enjoying nature, and savoring each other’s company.

W = Wardrobe (What would they wear to impress you?)

Jude would dress elegantly, opting for classic, timeless pieces that highlight her natural beauty and strength. She’d choose a dress that makes her feel confident and alluring. And of course, it would most likely be red. She loves to dazzle in the color and the look in your eye always tells her you think it suits her as much as she thinks it does.

X = XOXO (How do they kiss?)

Jude’s kisses are intense and passionate, filled with emotion, longing and a bit of pent up lust. She kisses you in a way that occasionally makes your head spin and every one is memorable.

Y = Yes (How do you/they propose?)

It would be at home with her, no grand public displays, knowing she wouldn’t want that. You’d lay out your intentions of spending your life with her and she’d humbly accept your proposal, sealed with one of her softer kisses.

Z = Zzz (What are their sleep habits?)

Jude has a somewhat restless sleep pattern, often staying up late with her thoughts. However, when she’s with you, she finds peace and sleeps more soundly, often cuddling close for comfort.

For anon

Forever Tag: @baubeautyandthegeek, @ghostsunderstoodmysoul, @immyowndefender, @valencethefriendlychangeling, @crimsonwidow666, @rebelbossheart, @thedailyspiritualist, @orangeisnttheonlyfruit, @woman-simp, @aperol-with-izzy, @leonoralessoem, @ellepossum69, @lakita-fisher, @nclgsticore, @analuw, @luvlesavyy, @malfoyfeed, @aliciabrower, @bitchr-mkay, @sparrowspixie, @imaginationismyworldlypleasure, @og-kxsh-420

Jude Martin: @brienneseveruscalaway, @derry-n, @bluenystic-blog, @peggycarter-steverogers, @mars-rivers, @gothtrash6969, @callsigncrash, @somelonelywriter, @babygirlscout

[batslime]

Tragedy’s Gift

ok. I needed it

You and Terzo just delivered your first baby together and are shocked (����) to find an atypical quirk accompanying her arrival.

it’s so tenderrrrrrr

Nine months of anxious waiting, preparing, and doubt mixed with pride had finally come to a close.

You and Terzo had finally met your first child together and could hold her in your arms. Beautiful baby Tragedy had made your life hellish while you carried her to term but you would have done it again and again- your daughter had been delivered hours before and already you felt like she was both of yours’ whole life.

Terzo was so overcome with joy and pride and raw wonder that he had been wiping tears away since her crown first peaked. She had his cute little curved lips. Her eyes shone black like obsidian, which she got from you (you were told The Eye could show itself later, but it may not appear at all and only time will tell), and already she had quite a bit of raven hair, inherited from both of her parents.

You gently rubbed your tiny daughter’s supple back as she napped, snorting like a wrinkly pink bulldog occasionally. She laid in heavenly sleep upon the upper half of your bare bosom, a simple black chiffon chemise draped over the rest of you. You both were exhausted, but her father and your husband could hardly contain his joy.

“Do you think I could hold her again My Doom? I don’t want to wake her, but I feel almost empty without her weight in my arms,” he chuckled and you reciprocated with a smirk at the reminder of Tragedy’s whopping 9 pounds that she exited you packing.

Your precious gift stirred and whined just a bit as you carefully turned yourself towards Terzo so he could reach for her. He teared up again as her eyes opened and he saw his reflection in the beautiful black. The way his chin trembled and he smiled at her made you fall in love with him all over again every time.

He spent a while slowly rocking her in his arms, nuzzling her little nose with his, playing with her cheeks in his hands which seemed comically big against her face despite his own size. You couldn’t help but chortle at the idea of her ending up taller than him years down the line.

As that thought was interrupted by a very high-pitched hiccup and the two of you exclaiming “goodness!” at the same time, something you had started together ironically but was now impossible to shake off, the thick carved wooden doors to your and Terzo’s bed chamber resounded a knock from the other side. You gave a verbal go-ahead and in came your brothers in law, to meet their new niece.

“Dov'è il piccolo fagotto? Let me see that girl!” Primo entered, careful of his volume but obviously in the biggest celebratory mood you’ve seen him in. In one arm he carried an overflowing bouquet with your favorites; charcoal eucalyptus, poison hemlock, black heart sweet potato foliage, haunted by the small dried seed carrying skulls of the crimson snapdragons he had gifted you for the shower and perished in your care. He always struck you as the sentimental sort.

He tenderly handed you the gift and you thanked him with a warm and grateful beam. In his other arms he carried a tote with teas he had prepared for the new parents, toys, the most deadly adorable dresses for Tragedy, and a blanket he had embroidered with her initials. Terzo started crying again upon seeing the clothes as his eldest brother showed them off.

Secondo took Tragedy from his baby brother’s arms so he could examine the luxurious and ridiculously tiny dresses more closely. Everyone’s eyes were on the two of them going back and forth about the quality of the lace when their middle brother let out a surprised shout.

All three of your eyes slammed over to Secondo and his niece, Terzo reflexively diving his arms under her in case his brother dropped her.

Secondo looked embarrassed immediately. “Merda, mi dispiace fratellino… it was like all of a sudden I felt a jolt go through my whole body!” He cautiously passed your baby back to the two of you. Terzo passed her to Primo for a turn as you spoke.

“Are you alright?” you ask your family member with concern. “There’s been a lot of stress on everyone lately. Have you been eating and sleeping we-“

“OOH!!”

Now everyone stared at Primo. Getting nervous, you move to take your child, who was surprisingly unfazed, from the oldest brother and he bent to meet your arms with her.

“I felt it too! It’s almost as if the baby shocked me!”

As it left his lips he and Secondo made eye contact, held it momentarily, then burst out in laughter on cue, Secondo giving Primo a playful slap on the back.

Terzo was becoming irate. “We’ve been up since her water broke at 3 AM worried sick and making sure our child enters the world unharmed, both tired as shit, and you two clowns want to come in here and play a little joke? While my wife can still hardly move in bed and my newborn is tryin-“

You let out a yelp.

All eyes, including your daughters, are on you. You could swear the corners of her lips turned up ever so slightly as the two of you gazed into eahcother’s eyes.

“I saw a spark! I definitely saw a light at her hand as she reached for my face!”

“Terzo, don’t you remember? You had lightning powers as a baby! She probably does too!” Primo grasped his brother’s shoulder as he explained.

“Between all of us your were the only one who showed signs of supernatural powers, but it’s not unheard of in the church for some children to be born with them” Secondo offered, being the most well-read on the ministry’s history of you all. “You had a different mother than Primo and I, maybe she had some supernatural ties as well. It’s speculated that it could be due to demonic ancestry. They faded while the two of us were rather young, but many books referencing the phenomenon claims they simply lie dormant. She must have inherited them from her paternal line.”

Terzo stood looking uncertain and a little forlorn. You knew it was a sore spot for him that his mother died when he was so young, and he had commiserated many times to you in private how he wishes she could see how far he’d come since he was forced to say goodbye. Knowing he had this much more to celebrate without her was clearly an emotional hit.

“Terzo!” you poke playfully, aiming to lighten the love of your life’s mood on such a joyous day in your time on Earth together. “My first time being a mother and you gave our baby the power of electrocution? You thought it wouldn’t be hard enough?!”

You all laughed together and you bounced Tragedy on your breast and cooed and made all kinds of dumb noises at the incredible thing you and Terzo had made together as his family continued to congratulate and shoot the shit with him.

You felt your heart swell even more. Terzo had always been special to you. You had never heard of such abilities existing in the clergy, and it made you proud to know that not only was the man you love gifted with such a wonder of the world, but he had shared it with your daughter as well. You both knew Tragedy was destined for great things.

That, and it was really funny imagining a little Terzo running around zapping his brothers.

Primo came back the next day with insulated gloves.

[kamiversee]

SPARE AN EAR M’LADY👂🤺🤺 I came with some song suggestions:

Geto -> Partition by Beyoncé -> OKOK THIS SONG HAD BEEN FROLICKING IN MY MIND WHEN I READ CHAPTER 6 where geto was teasing the hell outta the reader in his driver’s car omfggg (also this song is fitting for the fun short lived fuck buddy relationship the two had because their tension was HIGHERRR than the temperature of my broke for shit thermostat on Monday & Thursday mornings) || Honorable mentions: Don’t Tell ‘Em by Jeremih & Like That by 1600j (This last song can also be for Sukuna cause sometimes he’s kindaaaa 😫😩)

Gojo -> Passionfruit by Drake -> Now this song.. mmm well I chose this song because its lyrics and overall tone parallel the gradually falling relationship between gojo and the reader. As the reader grows closer with choso, gojo painfully watches from afar. Yet, he lets it happen, silently remaining on the side and loving from a distance of a relationship that is slowly fading with each fleeting minute, especially with the list being finished. Fading that had been caused from the barriers placed more so by him because of his avoidance to explain his reasonings and motives with the list, refusal to remove the reader from completing the list, and the obvious distance between them as a resultant of the chaos from it all. In the end he can regret and reflect upon everything as many times as possible, but the aftermath of such actions are irrevocable. He comes to be aware of it, but it crashes down on him at once. Whatever happened, happened, and the reader went through messy time periods of pain and suffering, not to mention is still left to confusion since she never was given a proper answer to why she, out of anyone else he could’ve picked, was the one who had to clear the entire list alone. In that blurry midst is where she found choso, and he became to her the man that gojo longingly desired to be. To be the face to catch her smiles and looks, to hold her close, to kiss, to comfort, to get lost in her voice, to be the subject of her attention and adoration, to make her heart skip a beat or two, to share his life with, to be one with. God, he missed the opportunity for it all. At this point, this was his chance at liberating her… even if it killed him on both the internally and externally to let her out of his life. There’s only so much he can do. It’s bittersweet but genuine, knowing how gojo wants the best for her, seeing the damage actually done only in hindsight. What is more saddening is the fact that had he approached her normally from the beginning, he had the potential to already win her heart and affection since she liked him too. They could’ve been together and he could’ve bared his infinite love all to her in a way that didn’t have to hurt them both, but that route is may now just only left to the spiraling world of endless what ifs and imaginations. Nonetheless, his heart, unrequited or not, remains burning eternally solely for her.. even if alone. (My heart may or may not be trembling rn as a gojo girlie—fuckkk‼️⁉️💔💔💔 #STILLWANTHIMSOVERYBAD) || Honorable mentions: 3005 by Childish Gambino, Aphrodite by Rini, Because of You by Ne-Yo, Not Around by NOVA, & Is It A Crime by Sade

Choso -> Butterflies by Michael Jackson -> The love choso has for the reader had struck me as something tender yet mesmerizingly elevating. The essence of this song portrays exactly that with how smooth and catchy the tune falls on the ears of the listener. Personally with MJ being one of my favorite singers, the way he delivers this music makes me feel the same way as when I read a precious moment between choso and the reader. It’s of a sweet and passionate quality. In a way, it’s distinguishably special; essentially what choso feels whenever he is around her. His mood is almost always lifted when she’s alongside him and it shows in his words and expressions. Hell—so much so that he got a tattoo on his body to remember her by, a tangible declaration of his unwavering love towards her. He was even contemplating getting it initially on his NECK! HIS NECK I SAYYYY 🗣️ Even through stressful times, he couldn’t muster the will to not love her. Stuff he didn’t dare share with anyone (rightfully so), he was willing to tell the reader, being transparent, which means a lot to her. Now, I’m not glazing him to say he’s perfect as no one really is perfect in this story, but when put into perspective after everything and everyone, he’s ultimately well suited for the reader. He’s in love with her to the core, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. So yeah, this song naturally sprouted into mind ^^ || Honorable mentions: Raining Love by KYLE & Get You by Daniel Caesar

- 🧠

THE GASP I GASPED.

First off, I love you. Music is my heart and SOUL and istg the world is lucky I’m not a musically talented person BC IF I WAS…

Anywho, thank you for these songs & eloquently put breakdowns 🥹 the descriptions are beautiful, I agree with every song listed here AAAAND. We have a similar music taste so Ilysm.

AND PASSIONFRUIT IS MY FAV DRAKE SONG OF ALL TIME SO THTS KINDA CRAZY😭 I’ve said it before but I think a lot of what I listen to comes out in my works pretty often so the fact that you found songs tht I was listening to as I wrote majority of these chapters is just so amazing to me <3

Again, the descriptions & correlations are perfect, you’re amazing, Ily.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Shreya A Cadwell

Published: May 7, 2022

One of the best movie characters I have seen portray PTSD symptoms is Charlie in “The perks of being a wallflower.” Throughout the movie, his silent suffering and disturbing symptoms affect his life quality and relationships. Charlie experiences several flashbacks and relives the trauma repeatedly with a racing heart. Scenes play on in the back of his head with memories that are so painful to remember that he has forgotten large parts of the whole story. He has suffered a series of unfortunate events during his life, something I can relate to, which made me develop PTSD myself. Today, there are many productions that display mental illness, “13 reasons why” is another example, and one of the reasons why mental health is more widely talked about than ever before.

In real life, PTSD is a diagnosis that often comes with great empathy from people around you. Known as a common stress disorder among veterans, it is almost like wearing a badge of honor in today’s society. Let me explain why this can become troublesome for us that live with a mental disorder.

The feeling of constant shame

It is lunchtime, and I am on the subway on my way down to the city core of Stockholm. I have carefully chosen a spot on the train close to the doors where I can see people from every train angle. I listen carefully to every sound around me, and every person that might look or act a little odd has my full attention. I can feel sweat running down my back.

“Does anyone notice how nervous I am?”

At the third station, a woman enters the train. She walks through the sliding doors and sits down with her friend in front of me. She is one of the people on the train that I find odd.

She wears a pair of black sunglasses and a black cap, and she holds her friend’s hand as she rocks her body slowly back and forth, seemingly nervous. It looks like she has a panic attack.

What struck me in this situation is how she acts out her stress in front of everyone and has her friend’s full attention the whole trip. She strokes her hand. They both have that look in their eyes,

“Can you not see that she is suffering?”

I know many people with severe disorders, from having one myself. We have one thing in common: the feeling of shame. Shame for what we have been through, guilt for letting it happen, and shame for letting it happen again.

When you feel this intense amount of shame for what you are, you are not so eager to show it in front of other people, not even in a group meeting with people who deal with the same feelings.

Most of us would not dream of putting ourselves in such a vulnerable situation where so many people publicly got to see our worst moments of fear.

No, we suck it up, avoid and hide.

We become chameleons in a society that praise people who are open with their imagined illnesses.

A mental illness is not a badge of honor. Many self-diagnosed people out there get to represent an illness they do not even suffer. There are many tests and articles online and a generation of social media awareness on mental health problems. That leads many to self-diagnose a severe illness, and we do not just diagnose ourselves but even the people around us. How many life coaches out there put up clip after clip on tackling narcissists?

Can we self-diagnose cancer?

No, and how do we feel about people who fake serious illnesses? We despise them. But you have to pretend many symptoms psychically for cancer and other serious diseases. It is easier to put on a spontaneous show of having an anxiety attack.

Yes, the woman on the train may have a mental illness. I can’t be the judge of that. Her behavior felt staged and didn’t align with how many of my friends act or how I operate. It was a bit too much of everything. We all show emotion and handle difficult situations differently. I respect that some people might act out that way, but I would not consider it the norm. Most of us want to fit in so well with the rest, so we act our way through situations or avoid them.

“Emotional numbing is a way for many to cope with life.”

It took me years to get diagnosed with PTSD and to get help. I felt that the health care system did not take me seriously when I entered the room at the therapist’s office. I managed to talk about what I had gone through in a civil matter. After meeting several therapists, I met the right one, who chose to look at my background and how my body reacts to situations instead of what I decided to show openly.

One of my first therapists wrote in my journal that I was in a very sane state of mind when talking and just needed a little help and support. Therefore I was not in such need of direct assistance. Today, I know it is called emotional numbing, a character trait for someone with PTSD. It is how I have learned to cope with what I have on my brain when adrenaline rushes through my system. That is how many of us who have suffered severe trauma copes with life.

The consequences of self-diagnosis

Although we have a greater awareness of mental health issues, our openness has helped destigmatize them. It has also affected people by attributing it to symptoms of imagined mental illness. A professional medical diagnosis is hard to obtain for a reason.

I believe that one of the consequences of a society where people now self-diagnose severe mental health disorders is that those who suffer for real do not get the help they need. It is more convenient for a therapist to take on patients who need a few meetings, a couple of pills, and then it is over and done. They are paid the same for that type of patient and a patient like me, with a history of multiple fallbacks and repeated trauma patterns.

Most of us who suffer from high functioning mental illness hide it pretty well, and the only ones who get to experience and suffer with us to some degree are often family members and partners. But all around us, our coworkers and friends use the complex word anxiety when they mean that they are stressed. Stress and low moods such as sadness or grief are normal and healthy coping mechanisms that are part of life. Anxiety is a deep-rooted rumination that something will go wrong, all the time and in every situation.

It enhances the feeling of isolation and loneliness you already feel because you are not coping on the same level as your friend who has self-diagnosed. All of a sudden, “everyone” suffers from anxiety. Everywhere you turn and it downplays the suffering you feel yourself.

Another problem with self-diagnosis is that it can prevent you from seeing the real issue, for example, an underlying medical issue.

“You do not have a monopoly on pain.”

Some happenings are part of life, which are such joint suffering for most people. Then there is the sudden or long-lasting trauma of an event that is so specific to you that it’s hard to get other people to understand the suffering and fear you’ve experienced.

To hear that you can be diagnosed with PTSD for going through a divorce or think you can because you experience some complicated emotions. It downplays the suffering of more complex situations where your life has been in great danger. It takes away the real struggle from those who are suffering.

The lines get more blurry for diagnostic requirements for mental illnesses that affect your daily life and it has severe consequences for us. Eventually, that can take us down a very dark path instead of staying put on the road to recovery.

Shreya A Cadwell is a writer with a particular interest in psychology, politics, and sociology. She is diagnosed with PTSD and, therefore, has a burning passion for how mental health reflects our society and how we live.

==

Self-diagnosis is much like blaming the devil for your failings, or blaming your astrology sign for your bad behavior.

Self-diagnosis is also the exact same thing as "self ID."

[catty-words]

notes on a haven (2024) listen

a/n one: i was reading the fidlar wikipedia page recently (as one does) and this pitchfork quote really struck a chord with me - "[the band doesn't] make music you'll grow old with...but that's not really the point."

reading that, my mind immediately leapt to marianas trench.

i started listening to mt's music in 2021, when i was deeply unhappy, in need of escape, and barely cognizant of either of those things. their music brought me much joy for the way it was endlessly fun and danceable and facilitated the imagining of scenarios for my favorite fictional characters. but lately - before haven (2024) had been officially announced - i'd been thinking that i wouldn't grow old with them.

i came into this album asking it to prove me wrong and it didn't and that broke my heart a little bit. my listening experience is forever colored by that first impression.

a/n two: i presuppose that the fundamental tension in all of marianas trench's discography is between sickness and love, where the sickness is both literal & the drive to perform selfhood and the love is both a person & the audience consuming that selfhood. you can disagree, but then explain why my masterpiece theatre (2009) breakdown did numbers?

"a normal life"

- marianas trench openers have a history of setting the tone and soundscape of their album with impeccable flare, but that's just not true of "a normal life". it's giving generic film score. it's giving netflix YA property script quality. it's giving self-consciousness about how hard it is to sing the word 'normal' prettily.

- i can't say it doesn't accomplish its goals entirely, though, i find a lot of thematic richness in the chorus.

the voices in the night evoke mental illness but also suggests the inability to stop writing lyrics, to stop chasing the performance. for five years, our protagonist has been living inside normality (or at least without performance), but something innate to him can't settle there.

- the final verse and outro, too -

- drive home an idea of compulsion. the need to create means lack of stability.

"lightning and thunder"

- a second's faster than we thought gets to me. i haven't come to any meaningful conclusion as to why, i'm just kermit-nodding.gif about it.

- i am a sucker for the way the energetic rhythm of the pre-chorus contrasts with how effing dark the lyrics are.

what we got is a compensation. the performance (one last show) is costing him his heart.

- the chorus suggests that coming back to this performance (after a couple years of [feeling] estranged) is fate, is a force of nature. but honestly? given how much of this album sounds bored with itself, sounds like it was forced out at every step of the creative process, i simply cannot take the premise of the song seriously. and it's even a highlight on the album for me! woof!

"i'm not getting better"

- a bop. thank god. this album suffers from a lack of certified bops.

- why is the opening instrumentation serving "blank space" by taylor swift, though.

- see??

every piece of the album so far has highlighted the way performing - the creative voice in our protagonist's head, being on stage for one last show, the dance he needs to leave - is unhealthy. to get better, our protagonist has to walk away from all this.

and my overwhelming reaction to this through line is. SO GO. the music certainly isn't making a compelling case as to why we need you to hang around.

- anyway, this song is also critical in establishing that the grand love in the protagonist's life is still A Person. i know, i know by the sound you make / you've been around, 'cause your heartbeat keeps me awake / i know, i know i should stay away and all that.

"down to you"

- this has been my main grower track. it's gotten stuck in my head the most, its the place where the campbell inspiration does the most work (reading the song as the narrative speaking to its protagonist makes all about you, with or without you a very chewy refrain), and i had to admit to myself that it belongs on a ship playlist that is near and dear to my heart.

- HOWEVER. because it's also explicitly about the protagonist's love object - a broken heart and stay with me tonight and you're all i want - it sucks ass. this demonstrates exactly zero progress toward self-actualization or seeing porcelain as anything more than a fix-all for our protagonist's life. GET A JOB. STAY AWAY FROM HER.

"now or never"

NO

a reaction that works both in the context of the love being a literal person and the love being the audience. do not give yourself up to keep serving either of us, that's not what we're asking you to do.

"into the storm"

- on the other hand, i find this a really powerful commentary on the protagonist's relationship with his love:

he chose to immortalize versions of both of them forever in his art, and they can't escape those versions because they're always on the radio. that's as bitter as it is romantic. that's haunting, a la phantoms (2019).

i also really like the way the of mine ambiguously applies to either the broken record or the radio. the cadence of the delivery sells the former, though, and i am gnawing gnawing gnawing.

"ancient history"

- okay, but.

we just did this in the last track? and it was much less on the nose??

- i will admit to being emotional over the toronto name drop, though. maybe it's because the have a piece of american dream lyric looms large in my brain, but i often feel like mt avoids being so explicitly canadian. i like that we've been given a setting to imagine a wistful re-encounter with love, and that setting is toronto.

"stand and fight"

- a track where the campbell inspiration feels like it's doing the least! what are we fighting? why do we need this generic pep talk? this would be cheesy regardless, but it would actually mean something if we'd built a concrete enemy to stand against!!

"turn and run"

- i have similar issues with this track as with "stand and fight" but i will admit that the dramatic turn in the instrumentals does hit for me.

- though the more fantastical setting (the edge of where the world drops) comes out of nowhere, i can't say i hate it. i kind of wish this energy had been present throughout the album. i wish this album had a more concrete identity and understanding of itself.

"worlds collide"

- i hadn't yet clicked with this track, but okay. i guess with a title like "worlds collide" it Would be about reconciling those voices in the dark (i.e. the sickness, the need to live in the spotlight) keeping our protagonist from his normal life (i.e. settling down with his love). i can get down with the intent to weave together the established threads.

the repetition of several key lyrics from this album really brings home that intent, too.

- and i obviously love that they chose masterpiece theatre (2009) lyrics specifically to include in the repetition section.

it corroborates my read that haven (2024) is taking up the mantle of performance costing the protagonist something essential at the same time that it is something essential to their selfhood.

- BUT. i find the music and the production uninspired. it's simply not a song with a strong identity of it's own, which honestly kind of fucks thematically speaking since the protagonist is struggling mightily to marry the contradictory forces of nature on his life, but i don't want to have to engage with this primarily as text for it to fuck. i want it to be good music first, and it's still mainly serving me generic film score.

"nights like these"

- bored.

"remember me by"

- a bop! thank god! this album suffers from a lack of certified bops!!

- since this album is supposed to have a narrative - even if that narrative is a meta-narrative about the shape all myths take - this necessarily feels like regression. we're back to talking about how the protagonist and his love first met? why?

- whatever. like i said: a bop!

- you've got me burning like a dive bar cigarette really does it for me in terms of similes. there's skeeze! there's an unhealthy element! there's a 'hot and quick' implication that really works! i fuck with this so hard!!

- also, the i'll give you something to remember me by sitting in the shadow of "into the storm"!!! he gave her an inescapable musical legacy! FUCK!!

"haven"

- unlike the album opener, "haven" does live up to the mt legacy of closing tracks Going Hard. i feel like it picks up the fantastical, gritty edge from "turn and run", which sets the closer in a distinctly storybook land. it also folds in the rain/water/force of nature motif that has otherwise not done much for me through the rest of the album's run and makes me care.

- ooh ooh OOH this part

just landed with impact for the first time. in the beginning, the protagonist was kept from belonging by the voices, and here, the pairing of but i try to belong here and i'm trying to be gone here suggests that the voices are a kind of coping mechanism insomuch as he isn't present on purpose in order to belong. EATING THAT SHIT UP.

- still don't think this song has any right to evoke "ever after" though, the narrative album that upstages haven (2024) in every way. like, why are you reminding me that you've done this better already? embarrassing for you.

- and then, of course, i still hate the way the resolution claims that this life of constant tension with performance fits our protagonist better than anything else. it's cheap and happens so quickly as to be disingenuous and - ONCE AGAIN - the quality of the music is not making a case that this is something at which the protagonist ought to keep salving away. a break (more permanent than a five-year lapse between albums) might be a relief for everyone.

- not to mention, the literary nerd in me is driven up a wall by this because when the hero returns, he's not supposed to fall easily back into his so-called normal life. he's supposed to be too changed by his experience to reintegrate. and i guess you could make the case that haven's protagonist started out ill-fit to his normal life, so slotting into it neatly in the end is still indicative of the you can't go back story beat.

but you know what? no!! the bitter-sweetness is what makes that part of the monomyth resonate with me. journeys - be they literal or emotional - leave lasting impacts. you're never the same person at the end in a way that's painful but Correct. this twee sentiment wrapping up the album sells that out in favor of maintaining the status quo.

self-actualization when, king?

[voiceoffenrisulfr]

Becoming Spider-Man - Chapter Eleven

Peter Parker Takes a Step

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 -> Peter Parker & Tony Stark (IronDad)

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 ->In which Peter has an appointment, and Tony did some research.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓 -> 3500

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 -> (T) Trans medical discussion; minor, hypothetical discussion of self-harm and suicide, but nothing particularly heavy.

𝐀/𝐍 -> Disclaimer - I know almost nothing about trans healthcare in America, and the waiting times involved. I know that sometimes there is one, and sometimes there isn't, and quality is highly variable. Please don't assume this is factually accurate, for everyone's sakes. <3 Check it out below, or on AO3 here! Cute divider by @/sweetmelodygraphics!

<- Previous Chapter (10/16) Next Chapter (12/16) ->

It was an oddly unobtrusive start to such a momentous day. I didn’t sleep well, finding blissful escape only as the sun began to hint at the horizon, but I felt refreshed as I stretched luxuriously between Egyptian cotton sheets. There was no obnoxious alarm blaring, no manic genius hammering on my door – only a slow progression into a comfortable consciousness. Sleep stolen in hours that should be spent in class are undeniably the best, I mused distantly as I slid myself into my suit, having learnt the trick by now and flattening my body without the flailing of limbs that had accompanied my first attempt. I had other binders now, sure – but this was a big day, and I wanted to do it not only as Peter Parker-Stark, but also as Spider-Man.

When I emerged, dishevelled, Tony was waiting in the kitchen, a mug of coffee sending curls of steam into the charged air. “Morning, kid. You all ready to go?” I nodded hesitantly, unable to hide the trembling of my hands. “I think so.” He watched me carefully, tracking the shaking of my fingers as I moved to pour myself my own pick-me-up, knowing I’d need it when the adrenaline wore off. “Nervous?” I wriggled my free hand indecisively as I took a sip, before offering him a weak grin. “Terrified… But in the best way.” He simply smiled in response, shrugging on his jacket. “We’ll get on our way in a minute.” I nodded then paused, struck dumb. “M… Mr. Stark, is that… A pronoun badge?” The small pin was stuck unobtrusively to his chest, pale blue with black typing, but once I’d spotted it adorning his jacket, I couldn’t look away. “Huh? Oh, this?” He looked down, offering a half-shrug at the he/him proudly displayed.  “Yeah. I wanted to… Y’know, show that you have my support. And it’s good to normalise offering and asking pronouns, to avoid trans people feeling singled out when they clarify theirs.”

Despite his head still being angled down, I could see the text scrolling across the bottom of his tinted glasses, and pinched my lips to suppress a smile. “I think it’s a lovely idea, Tony. I’ll have to get myself one, too.” He looked back up, grinning broadly as he reached under the counter. “We have a range to choose from. I intend to offer them to both the Avengers and the Stark employees – and we’re putting together a HR meeting with the Stark Enterprises team to discuss the importance of using people’s correct pronouns.” My own smile broke free then, fondly eyeing the box before me. “That’s amazing – so cool of you!” He hesitated briefly before opening the box and sliding it toward me. “I… Never actually thought to ask you, actually. Are you comfortable sharing your pronouns with me? I’m sorry for not asking before now.” I resisted the urge to clasp a hand over my heart theatrically, deeply touched by his care. “It’s no problem, Mr. Stark. I use he/him pronouns, but I’m ok with they/them, too. Really, the only ones I don’t like are she/her.” I couldn’t fight the curl in my lip at the words, making Tony chuckle fondly, reaching out to tousle my hair as I dove into the box for my matching pin.

The small badge on my lapel bolstered my confidence as we entered the sleek clinic, a minor-yet-major thing that proclaimed me as male for the world to see. Tony checked us in while I gazed around myself in wonder, stunned by the white furniture and polished surfaces.

“This place looks expensive,” I hissed under my breath when we were invited to sit in the sterile waiting room. Tony shrugged one shoulder modestly.

“It isn’t – not for me,” he added when I arched a brow in disbelief. “Kid, you’ve gotta remember; at this point, I have more money than I know what do with. And besides… It’s all yours in the end, anyway. I may as well get chance to see it being put to use.”

I nodded, still not entirely comfortable, before hesitating. “… ‘Mine in the end’?” I clarified, heart stuttering.

Tony met my gaze, head tipped. “Of course. You’re my son, Peter – where else would it go?”

I swallowed dryly, fighting off the flutter of happiness in my chest that occurred whenever he called me his son. “M-Mr. St… Tony… I didn’t… I’m not-”

“-here for the money, I know,” he interrupted softly. “I know, kid. But it’ll be yours regardless. It’s up to you what you do with it, and if you don’t want to keep it, that’s fine. However, in the meantime, just let me do something good with it, okay?”

I looked down, chagrined and humbled, and nodded once. “Okay, Tony.”

The office we were shown to was just as sophisticated as the waiting room, which did nothing to ease my nerves, despite the nurse smiling at me from her straight-backed leather chair.

“Peter and Tony, right?”

I nodded and mumbled out a hello, while Tony stepped forward confidently, offering his hand. “That’s us. Thanks for fitting us in so quickly.”

The woman laughed, a comforting, gentle sound. “My son is a big Iron Man fan, in all honesty. He’d never believe I’d met you!” There was a tense pause, and her hand went to her mouth as she flushed pink. “Not… Not that I’d tell him, of course. We take patient confidentiality very seriously here – I just meant, you know, hypothetically.”

Tony glanced at me, and I shrugged. “I don’t care.”

He smiled affectionately before turning back to our nurse. “I don’t suppose you have your phone?” Her mouth worked wordlessly before she nodded, reaching into a purse below the desk and handing it to him silently. I watched as he deftly opened the camera, clearly used to the routine by now, and set up the front facing video. “What’s your son’s name?”

“Um… T-Tyler. He… He’s actually why I work here. He’s trans, too. Not that that’s… I mean, he’s very open about it, and we touch base often about whether I can disclose that to clients, and he’s fine with it,” she clarified quickly.

“You don’t say?” Tony’s lips quirked in the corner as he glanced at the nurse – a pretty blonde, I noticed for the first time. “What about you? What’s your name?”

“Lola,” she replied, blushing once more. “She/her.”

“He/him,” he responded smoothly, settling in front of the phone.

“Hey, Tyler! I’m here with your mom, and she said you’re a big fan. She’s…” Tony glanced at me once more, and again, I nodded, eliciting a fond smile. “She’s looking after my son, too. Peter.” He gestured me over, and I ducked into frame, offering an awkward wave.

“Hey, Tyler. I’m a pretty big Iron Man fan, too.” Tony elbowed me lightly in the ribs, chuckling playfully, and I laughed.

“I’ll make sure to give her an autograph for you. You’ve got a good mom, sport. Look after her. The world needs heroes, big and small.” ‘Sport’? So he only calls me ‘kid’, huh? I thought affectionately as he threw up a peace sign before cutting the camera, and I smirked, dropping back into one of the vacant seats.

“Kinda ironic, don’t you think?” I quipped, and he rolled his eyes at me.

“Yes, yes, very funny, kid.”

Kid.

“Thank you so much, Mr. Stark – and you, too, Peter,” she added, voice soft and flattered as she put her phone away. “Now… How about we get to business?”

Tony nodded, quickly returning to the task at hand. “Yeah. We – Peter and I – we put together a kind of plan of what he’s after, if that helps?” Delving into his own case, he pulled out a clear file, through which I could just about see the sheet covered in our mingled, untidy scrawl.

Lola raised an eyebrow, visibly surprised. “You two really thought this through, huh?”

I shuffled forward a little, finding my voice at last. “Yeah. Tony’s been really supportive, and he’s helped me so much. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without him. I mean, I’ve known that this was what I wanted for a long time, y’know? But actually doing it is a little scary. I didn’t always… Well, I’ve not always had the greatest of support systems. Tony’s being unquestioningly compassionate to my struggles, and done a ton of research on how he can help. It… Means a lot,” I finished lamely, wincing. But how could I put words to what he’s done for me? He saved my life.

She smiled again, glancing warmly at my guardian. “That’s great. I’m really happy for you; far too many trans youth are in unsupportive environment, and it makes an already difficult life significantly harder. Society’s treatment of trans people has a long way to go, but a bit of compassion at home can make the world of difference. But,” she added, growing serious, “this process is, first and foremost, about you, Peter. And while I understand that you are appreciative of your relationship with Tony and how he’s supported you, I am required to ask – are you ok with him being here while we talk, or would you rather he stepped outside?” I opened my mouth to respond instinctively, but she cut across quickly. “If you want him to stay, that’s ok. Or if you want to discuss the more sensitive stuff first, we can ask him to come back in after. Or if you’d rather speak without him here at all, that’s fine too. It’s about you, Peter.”

I glanced across, chewing on my lip. Tony offered me a reassuring smile, and I couldn’t help but wince. “Is it okay if… If we talk about some stuff alone, first?” I asked meekly, looking away when Tony’s smile began to feel strained. There was a heavy pause, then he got to his feet, clapping me on the shoulder.

“Sure thing, kid. I’ll be right out there if you need me.” His fingers ruffled my hair and I couldn’t help but lean into the touch, feeling deeply ungrateful, but somewhat relieved.

The door closed with a quiet click, silence continuing for a heartbeat before the nurse spoke again, her voice soft. “It seems like that was kinda hard for you to do, huh?” I simply nodded, chewing on my thumbnail. “Can you explain to me why that is?”

I looked up, startled, into her clinically impassable mask. “Nothing… It’s nothing like that. Tony’s supporting me, sure, but I’ve never felt pushed into transitioning. It’s always been what I want, and when I want it.”

She frowned infinitesimally, puzzled, and shook her head. “I didn’t assume otherwise, Peter. It seems like the two of you have a great relationship.” I swallowed dryly around my throat, cursing myself for my assumption. Nothing looks quite so suspicious as vehemently denying something that was never even a question, huh? “I only want to understand why it was difficult for you. It seemed like a pretty hard thing to do, so I don’t think you’d have done it without a good reason.”

I nodded again, my gaze still low. “I… I feel ungrateful. He’s done so much, and this feels like secrecy, and he deserves better.” I picked at the skin around my nail uncomfortably, yet another wave of guilt rising in my chest. “But… Yeah. I figure it’ll be less painful for me to ask him to leave.”

“Less painful than hearing what you have to say?” she prompted softly.

I ground my teeth, reluctantly meeting her eye. “Yeah. I… I know that part of this is talking about my mental health. And that’s… I mean, there’s nothing to worry about. But it’s not always… Great. And I know that wouldn’t be fun for him to hear.” She watched me quietly, waiting patiently for me to continue, and I sighed. “I feel… If I don’t think about it, I feel okay. Normal, y’know? But… Then I do. And it sucks. I feel… I feel trapped. In here,” I added, tapping a finger to my temple. “I feel like who I am will never be seen by everyone else.”

“Do you ever think about hurting yourself, or ending your own life?”

The question was a simple one, but there was no simple answer. I squeezed my eyes shut briefly, a flashing blade flickering across my lids. “I think about it every day,” I answered softly, hesitating before opening my eyes to meet her gaze. “I think about it constantly. It’s always there – an exit strategy. A way to opt out, y’know? If it all gets too much.”

“Do you have any plans, or are you actively harming yourself?”

I couldn’t help but smile, albeit weakly. “No. And I’m not even tempted anymore, not really. Ever since I moved in with Tony, it’s been easier to ignore that voice. But even when I lived with Aunt May – when it was the loudest it’s ever been – I still never intended to actually do anything. I just… Find comfort in the fact that it’s a possibility.”

She nodded once, making a brief note on her legal paper. “Well… We’ve only had a brief interaction here – and it’s something I’d definitely like to discuss again – but I don’t feel like you’re a danger to yourself or others, and you haven’t told me anything that makes me think you or anyone else is at risk. So, you’ll be relieved to know, I have no cause to disclose anything you’ve said to me to Mr. Stark. But,” she added, looking up to meet my eye seriously, “I encourage you to talk to him about it yourself. It’s important to share how you’re feeling with the people in your life, especially those who clearly care about you.”

I hummed thoughtfully, pulling on a hangnail. “Maybe. I’ll think about it.”

She offered me a reassuring smile, and leant forward a little. “Are you ready to call him back in?”

“Deep breath.”

I inhaled sharply, the sound tearing in my throat, fingers laced tightly with those of my guardian as the needle sank into my skin.

The gravity and monument of the moment was disturbed somewhat by the explanation by the kind, but chatty, nurse. “Make sure you fully depress the plunger before pulling out the needle, Mr. Stark. I doubt this young man will want a low dose in your hurry to remove it!” she chuckled, sliding the needle from my skin almost painlessly. “A small bit of blood is normal, but if you remember to draw back before injecting, you can be sure you haven’t hit a vessel.”

Tony, to his credit, was nodding along, a look of fierce concentration fixed on his face, despite his own extensive medical knowledge; I was more than certain that he knew how to administer a shot without instruction, but he was entirely devoted to listening, and entirely oblivious to my gazing at him adoringly. The man basically performed heart surgery on himself, but he’s so adamant about getting this right for me…

“And that’s you done! You can go ahead and pull up your pants now, Peter. Congratulations,” she added with a tender smile. “You’re officially on testosterone.”

I split into a wide grin, inching my waistband over the site gingerly. Tony’s partially-removable suit had been a Godsend when I’d been told I could start testosterone there and then – the idea of having to remove my entire suit just to access the top of my butt was one I hadn’t been thrilled about, but Tony had simply reprogrammed his nanos, forming a strip of available skin for the shot without any hassle.

“And that’s every four weeks?” he clarified, tapping his palm against the side of his fist as he committed the procedure to memory. She nodded, and he met my eye with a proud smile. “I’d be honoured.”

I flushed crimson as his arm snaked around my shoulders, gripping me affectionately. “You don’t have to, Mr. Stark. I’m sure Dr. Banner would-”

“Not a chance, kid,” he interrupted gently, ruffling my hair. “It’s a blessing I want… If you’ll have me?” His voice tilted at the question, subtly concerned, and I shook my head with a grin.

“I’d love for it to be you, Mr. Stark. Who else? I’m only here because of you.”

We pulled up outside the complex before I mustered the courage to approach the sensitive topic, but I knew it was never far from either of our minds.

“Mr. Stark, I want to-”

“Look, Peter, I don’t expect you to-”

We hesitated together, and chuckled uncertainly, each motioning the other before he exhaled heavily, running a hand through his hair. “Kid, I know you aren’t going to tell me everything. That’s fine; I wasn’t offended that you asked me to leave. I just worry. I know about the mental health concerns in trans kids – especially those that are kicked out. And I know that I’m not… That it’s not always easy to approach me. I’m not that great at talking about feelings. But I’m always – always – here for you, Peter. I just want to make sure you know that. There’s nothing that will make me stop loving you, or want to get rid of you, okay?” I’d looked away halfway through his speech, and his declaration of love had the windscreen swimming before my eyes, vision suddenly blurred as I swallowed around the swollen lump in my throat, simply nodding. His gentle hand found the hair at the nape of my neck, smoothing tenderly, which, while comforting, only made my emotions more difficult to control, and I sniffed loudly, breaking the silence. “I do, y’know. I… I love you, kid. You mean everything to me, and I sure as hell am not going to let something as simple as ‘talking about our feelings’ get in the way of that.”

His voice cracked almost imperceptibly, sending my pixellated gaze sliding back to his face, locking on his own watery eyes. “M… Tony. I… I owe you everything,” I breathed, trying to keep the sobs from bursting from my lungs as they fought to maintain control. “Without you, I… Well, I probably wouldn’t be here. I definitely wouldn’t be here,” I added, waving a hand blindly at the main building of the compound I’d almost forgotten existed in this moment, “living with superheroes and on T.  I love you too – of course I do. I… Uncle Ben died before I ever really knew him, and I can’t remember what my father was like. They’re just figures in my mind – a shadow without a face. I never really had a dad… Until now.”

I blinked in surprise as a tear rolled down his cheek, devastation and delight warring across his features. This man, renowned for his robots and literal suit of armour, was dissolving before my eyes, simply from my tender words. He pursed his lips, looking away, the muscle in his jaw ticking as he fought with his emotions. “That… That means a lot, kid. Thank you.”

Our return to the compound came after several minutes of quiet in Tony’s car, both sniffling and wiping our eyes. It had been an emotional day in every way, and combined with the dull ache in my butt, I was definitely ready for bed, despite it only being a little after midday.

“Just… I’m sorry, in advance,” Tony murmured as he led the way into the kitchen, following up on his promise of a cup of coffee and a relaxed evening. “I tried to tell them that you’d likely just want to slump in front of the TV, but…”

The door opened to the amassed Avengers, each grinning as broadly as the next, cheering beneath a banner proudly proclaiming, ‘It’s a boy!’ – a cliché, undoubtedly, but one that touched my heart. I laughed breathlessly as the team gathered around me, clapping me on the back and making light-hearted jibes about when I’d eventually grow a moustache. Tony shrugged apologetically over Widow’s shoulder, and I shook my head minutely, fondly.

How could I be mad about this?

“Congratulations, Peter. How do you feel?” Vision enquired, his soft voice cutting over the clamour as he hung back with Wanda, ever the reserved pair.

“Honestly? It’s… Weird,” I chuckled, scratching my neck uncomfortably. “It’s both a huge, momentous thing… But also oddly anticlimactic, y’know? Like… A quick stab, and that’s it – I’m on Testosterone. This massive goal of my life is achieved. I don’t really know what to do now,” I added, laughing lightly. Vision smiled tightly, sympathetic.

“It’s not the end of your journey, though,” Tony added, nudging his way through the mass of bodies to my side. “It’s just the beginning. And I think I speak for everyone here when I say – we can’t wait to see the man you grow into.”

I smiled, tipping my head against Natasha’s fondly. “Thank you, Tony.”

[animehouse-moe]

Jujutsu Kaisen Season 2 Episode 6: Shibuya Incident

Trying to write this post while a weird pirate clown stares me down from the side of my screen is certainly distracting, but I'll get it done. Today's episode covers a "lost" chapter from the end of JJK S1, as well as 'A Taste of Things To Come' and the beginning parts of 'Evening Festival'. Not a lot to talk about, but I still think it's worth it to go through it.

First of all, what's with these character designs? They looked so much better in that final episode of Gojo's past than they do here. I'll admit that Nobara's eyes have something a little odd going on with the eyelashes, but it's rather trivial compared to the messy art of this episode.

Seriously, I had thought we'd have been safe with the pre-existing designs thanks to this, but at one point or another, not just the entire personality of the characters but the quality of the designs themselves are stripped. And I'm not sure why when there's not a massive amount of stuff going on this episode?

Like, Nobara looks really good in this scene, but then you take a look at this still from later on in the episode and it's just???

Now, I understand that she's further away in the latter scene, but she doesn't move at all during this sequence. Like, zero movement from her in this cut aside from her mouth, so I don't get why she looks so bad.

To cut a long story short though, this sort of on model trouble in the first episode back isn't the greatest thing to show if you want to have viewers be confident in the ability for the team to deliver.

What does inspire confidence though, oddly enough, is the added scenes and work in the front half of the episode. Todo and Mei Mei's ping pong match was stretched out surprisingly far (as well as the whole Yuko thing), but you don't really lose anything from it. I think there's some weirder moments, but overall the direction gets to comfortably play around with it and succeeds rather well.

And for anyone that's read any of my previous posts on JJK S2, I'm sure I've mentioned it at least once before. The direction for the added and extra scenes tends to exceed the ingenuity and creative vision for the adapted sequences. This production really values that more "art" approach, but struggles a lot when meshing it with the core of JJK.

I think a good example of trying to mix that art with the core of JJK is the Yuko backstory scene. Not the greatest segue, since it's not about direction but instead sound design/OST, but still. They play this warm and "emotional" track to try and emphasize the emotions of the sequence, but that's not the point.

The point is the simplicity of the moment itself. That Itadori didn't pick Yuko because of her looks or anything that really has to do with standards for beauty in society, but rather pieces of her character and personality. He didn't sit there thinking hard on it, he didn't say it like it was something profound. He spoke his mind and what he said struck a chord in Yuko's heart. They missed the tune and context of the interaction by trying to make it something bigger than it was meant to be.

Also, I'm just not really a fan of Yuko's character design. All of the new designs for this season have just rubbed me the wrong way and really feel like they don't capture the characters. Sure, Choso was an atrocity last season, and Megumi might have had those luscious eyelashes (which I loved, so sad to see them go), but on the whole? The S1 designs bring more of the energy of the characters to life.

I have a hard time explaining it, but it just feels like where S1 was able to capture Gege's energy, S2 falls rather flat on all fronts.

Past that? I'm not really sure to be honest, the episode doesn't really get that far into Evening Festival, so there's not a whole lot to comment on. I like some of the direction, it's less focused on that appeal to "art" and instead aims to heighten the experience of the moments. Maybe a hard thing to draw a line in the sand on, but I think a good example is how aware the direction is of space during the Geto/Mahito vs Mechamaru. It does a really good job of building the tension of the interaction up.

But.... that's about where my praise really ends for most of this sequence. The action sort of falls flat, and they commit to some of the most painful pitfalls of fighting a horde. I don't mind that they extended the fight scene, but I do mind that it was weakly choreographed.

Before that though, I just dislike this piece from the beginning of the fight. Like with some of the other pieces, the animation doesn't really "exist". Rather, it's just drawn out or left hanging for a while on the screen. But that's not actually the issue, it's how this one is drawn. The Mechamarus just sorta show up. Doesn't make sense, and doesn't at all take advantage of or understand the context of the situation. They were hidden in the coils and hoses leading to Kokichi, and as such climbed out from them to engage Mahito.

It's not the biggest thing ever, but it totally passes up the opportunity for some good looking horror, and glosses over the important notion that Kokichi had been preparing for this the whole time.

Anyways, cardinal sin of fighting in a horde, send one or two at a time instead of all at once to try and overwhelm your opponent. The scene is extended purely with this tactic, and it feels pointless when Mahito just swats them all away at the end anyways. Why entertain them when they're that weak?

Just to backpedal to Kokichi's pre-planning and whatnot, they seem to have a hard time with the significance of his character. I might be being picky here though, because it is shown, you'd just never know unless you were looking for it. When Kokichi is talking about having watched everything, in the manga it's Miwa that is center stage, not Mahito. Just kinda irks me when they move on to then play up Miwa's importance to Kokichi not long after. Just the sorta thing that has me wondering, "do you really get the point of it?".

Oh, what's that? You can just barely make out the Miwa sequence at the bottom of this image? Yeah, me too. On the first watch I thought it wasn't there at all, so I had to go back and check all the feeds to see if she was there. She was, just for less than a second and at the bottom of the screen.

Anyways, this is what was displayed in the manga. I think the anime visual is super cool, but I can't understand why the messed with the importance of Miwa in the first scene, but put even more focus in the next? The entire idea is that Miwa was his center of attention, that she's the one he was always watching over.

Also... I don't really want to be that guy, but I'm here anyways. Kokichi's first attack just ain't got it like the manga does. The pose and expressing just looks kinda goofy in comparison, and doesn't really sell the point that rather than controlling Ultimate Mechamaru, he's piloting it.

And that's where the episode ends. Let's about some loose stuff then!

The soundtrack. The good songs are re-used, the new stuff is not so great and has less of a style holding it together. Maybe as we get into the season we'll see better use of it, but the only really good track is Mechamaru's/Kokichi's prior to the Ultimate Mechamaru. The digital sound works well considering Kokichi's style and technique.

The animation was overall good, but compared to just Gojo's past is relatively lacking. Slow movements, limited layouts that constrict the flow of combat. It's not putting much on display at all really. I know it's most likely because they're saving it for later, so I really hope it's just a one off for the least important episode.

And now, the big fun one: the opening and ending. I can't say much because spoilers, but something was really bothering me while I watched both. They're good, the opening screams of Yuuki Kamiya like their work normally does, but overall I'd say it's inferior to OP1 for S2 (which they also did). But more than seeming like Kamiya's work with the opening, both reminded me greatly of the OP2/ED2 for season 1. Go back and take a look. The overall flow and style are very oddly similar, even with stuff like the endings both being about the daily life of the characters through the lens of a camera. Just something that struck me as very odd and repetitive, when the first OP/ED suite for S2 was rather strong and had its own identity. Anyways, I'll probably cover them in detail later/at the end of the season.

Overall, this doesn't really do anything to inspire confidence in me. I think in parts it does better than the previous five episodes, namely in how truthful it stays to Gege's style and appeal, but at the same time I feel like lacking with stuff like animation or overall consistency (which even though the designs were not good, they were at least consistent through Gojo's past... for the most part). We'll see what happens once we enter the Evening Festival in full with the next episode, but I don't have any words of assurance or confidence in how well things will go.

[lioncunt]

Lestat for the character impressions!!

fjdjsksk ok buckle in this is gonna be long

first impression: just like with armand it was the movie as a high school freshman, and i was immediately extremely obsessed with him. that kind of lovable antagonist has always been my favorite archetype, like spike from buffy etc, so it was very easy to become attached to him, especially in CONTRAST to movielouis who sucks. when he “died” i was very surprised and disappointed, which i think then colored my initial viewing of the second half of the story lmao i was like where the fuck is lestat why is antonio banderas here. after i watched the movie i looked up the books, and when i realized he was the protagonist for the rest of the series i was like oh ok i’m gonna read them now. i really did start reading them exclusively for him. when i read the book, i was taken aback by how he was much more of an abusive piece of shit, because i think the movie skips past a lot of his more cruel acts with louis and claudia and boils it down to claudia just growing up and louis being sad for no reason. (i have issues with the movie.) (the musical does this to an even more ridiculous degree.) anyway i was like wow he actually really sucks but that made me even more obsessed with him because it made him much more interesting to me, a real multifaceted dynamic character! and once the ending scene with him and louis occurred i was so struck by the entire tragedy of the book and how there wasn’t a true villain in the end. anyway then i read tvl and i lost my mind

impression now: i have a whole other post that i think encapsulates all my bookstat feelings so i won’t type it all out again. as for showstat, he’s less of my best friend who i have to berate for being a fucking idiot and more of my favorite science experiment, something thrilling and terrifying that i’m enamored with and am dying to dissect until i understand every inch of what he’s made of. it was very much a rollercoaster for me watching it week to week because i was never totally sure where they were going with him, but now that the dust has settled i think they made some really fantastic choices with him. they didn’t shy away from his horrific acts of abuse like anne did in the movie and musical, while also keeping the thread of tvl lestat. it’s interesting, because while bookstat also commits absolutely heinous, unforgivable crimes, most of them are from his point of view, so we have a much clearer idea of why he’s committing those crimes. with showstat, we get no explanations, no internal monologue, no perspective, which makes my brain burst from all the different ways one can interpret him. i love showstat with all my heart and soul but i viscerally hate him but he is also my girlfriend so there’s that to contend with as well

favorite moment: wolfkiller. idk the book started with that and i giggled and kicked my feet “wow you killed a pack of them wowww” just call me nicki de lenfent. for showstat “this CHARLATAN” he looks like he has rabies <3

idea for a story: i wanna see him go back to acting and he’s in a soap opera and he has joey tribbiani’s storyline from friends

unpopular opinion: i do think showstat loved claudia despite everything, that one interview sam had where he said he was proud of her gave me enough energy to power a small town. for bookstat i think he deserved to be the main character of the book series even though i wish that didn’t mean anne lobotomized everyone else. but like he’s written specifically for my enjoyment so i’m glad that i have a wealth of text of widely varying quality to enjoy him from lmao

favorite relationship: romantic relationship is loustat both in the books and the show, nothing will ever compare to them i want them trapped in a jar on my shelf for eternity. non-romantic relationship is him and claudia “my dark child, my love, evil of my evil, claudia broke my heart” what if i killed myself

favorite headcanon: he loves the phantom of the opera. i think he actually mentions it in memnoch, they’re playing something from it in the background. anyway he’s pro phantom/christine

[numinously-yours]

Hi! I saw you opened your free reading so I would like to ask for one 🙏 how can I love myself more? I'm quite hard on myself. I just wanna embody my leo 🌙 kidding aside, I just wanna love myself -INFP hey thank you so much!

Hello my love,

I hope this resonates for you because you DO deserve to love yourself. For your reading, I pulled for a few things. First and foremost, I have three cards which indicate three qualities your guides really need you to know you have. Then I asked what steps you can take toward more self love. Finally, the end is some additional messages from your spirit team.

Some of your amazing qualities:

6 of Swords - You are adaptable and can do hard things

The Fool - Your faith, even amongst the unknown, is something to be admired

Justice - You know how to look at situations in an objective manner

Steps to take in your self-love journey:

Before the cards, I wanted to throw this quote from a commercial in the background during this part of your reading. It said, "The words in your head? Only you can hear them." This just really struck me and I feel called to say that the words you say to yourself still matter, even if others can't hear you say it. You're your forever best friend and deserve to be spoken to as such. Now for the cards!

The Magician and 8 of Pentacles

Find what inspires you. Is there a cause you feel strongly about? Do you enjoy learning particular subjects? Investing some of your time in these areas can help light a fire under you. The more you participate in these inspirational aspects, the more joy you'll feel. The more joy you feel, the more optimistic you will start feeling overall. maybe challenge yourself to join a group surrounding these topics. OR do something creative around it (write, paint, blog, etc). a couple of things may come out of the creative pursuits. ① you might find like-minded people. surrounding yourself with them will bring some of that outside validation that we all crave. ② seeing your OWN success will show you that you are pretty damn cool. the more you do it, the more you'll think t. the more youthink it, the more you'll believe it.

Additional message from your spirit team:

Your spirit team wants you to be aware of people who are trying to manipulate your feelings (both NOW AND as you continue your growth). There are going to be people who don't understand why you're invested in that thing above. Your spirit team warms you that you may feel like giving up It'sgoing to affect your self-esteem (and, likely, currently does), and this will cause you to start shutting down. you are encouraged to analyze the people who are"helping" you feel this way. Are they people who ACTUALLY have your best interest at heart? Is there something from their past that they're ashamed of and are now projecting? Remember how your guides want you to know about your quality for object viewpoints? That's where this can really come into play. It's easier said than done, but you can do it. I think doing this will also help you realize/ believe in your greatness.

I hope things get better for you. I'm sending all my love to you and your guides

[maytheoddshq]

Linden Understory. District Seven. Score: FIVE.

The match ground between her teeth.

  This was a stupid idea, linden thought, arms burning too. And it was, probably, a stupid idea. But she was supposed to show off her talents, wasn’t she? This had been what she had come up with, pouring over a list of skills together with alder, highlighting the ones she had some skill at, listing them mentally, combining them.

Starting a fire.

  Yes, she could do that. Well, at least she could start the stove, and knew how to light a match. And so, to make that more impressive, she’d poached one of the long matches, meant for scared tributes from the fire starting station. There was supposed to be distance between them and the flame, a good basic practice. Linden would rely on that distance today. She struck it with clear practice at doing so, stuck it between her teeth, and jogged off. A timer. It would be faster than 10 minutes, but it would be enough.

Climbing the wall.

  This she could do a lot better, this was actually a relevant skill. She’d grown up climbing trees, leaping from them, giving her father heart attacks. “You’ll send me to an early grave, Lin…” He’d warn. And, well, he’d died first.

  She couldn’t think about that now, but her mind wandered a bit through the first few holds. They weren’t interesting. She’d stayed low, scaling them repeatedly during the day. Now, she was going higher, but the beginning was easy enough still.

  As she got higher, a breeze gently graced her cheeks. It wasn’t wind, it must be artificial. Could the capitol even do artificial wind? Of course they could. Never mind. Regardless, it could blow out the match, so Linden had to re-angle her head and shoulders to shield the small flame. And as she continued, it got harder. Both as the flame licked closer, and as the climb got harder. Still, she persisted, willing herself up. And it was just climbing. She was confident, making her way up.

  Reaching the top, Linden took a second to reassess the match. Three-quarters gone. And that was fine, there was only one thing left to do. Linden looked down, realizing abruptly she didn’t exactly have a plan to get down from here, and the last part would require that. With a still-lit match, unless she wanted to lose the visual impact.

  Back in her teeth it went, and Linden grabbed her harness, strapping it in. but if she just let herself jump, it would extinguish, so Linden took a minute before cupping both hands around the flame and just hold on with her legs, sliding down quickly enough.

  When she pulled away her hands, there was a pink burn blossoming on one of the interior knuckles. Nothing to fire a cannon over. Linden moved on.

Using an axe.

  This was the skill of every seven tribute since the dinosaurs, but it was genuinely the thing she was best at. Linden Understory could chop some good wood. So she grabbed an axe, shiny and non rusted from the rack. Well, it was certainly higher quality than back home, but it was still an axe. She spent fourty hours a week for the past… years in the yard, with something just like this.

  The flames licked at her cheek, now. But she ignored them.

  There wasn’t wood ripe for chopping here, but that wasn’t what they wanted to see. Linden had another plan. Axe in hand and match in teeth, linden made her way to the arrow’s dummies. Her axe went back, then up, over her head, and within five swings, she’d split the thing in two, clean down the center. Practiced.

  Not straw inside. Instead, some strange material. Foamy, capitol, distinctly unnatural. Linden wondered for a second if the big finale would even work then, or if this would sputter and die the way she inevitably would in the arena.

  But she tried anyway, and just as the flame started singing the hairs growing on her lip, she pulled it again from her mouth and dropped it into the dummy’s sternum. And whatever capitol monstrosity it was, it was flammable.

Tending to a fire.

  Linden stood and watched the flames slowly consume the dummy, letting it grow and consume and burn. It didn’t cackle like home, it didn’t smell like wood burning. It was worse, all of it. But everything here was, wasn’t it?

  And do it all fast enough to survive.

Hopefully.

[pokesoniclegend]

A Symphony Fit for Romance

Deep within the hallowed halls of Beauregard Castle, the son of the late Louis Beauregard, Tresor Beauregard tap-tapped his fountain pen against the study’s desk. His brow furrowed in frustration at his current struggle with lyric writing. The paper was right in front of him, yet his mind couldn’t come up with anything worth making a song out of.

The clacking of heels upon the floor drew ever closer, a familiar, lovely voice coming with it, “Heey Tresor, have you figured anything out yet?”

Edgar Legende, the blue rose of humans, rare to the point of being supernatural, drop dead beautiful, and utterly exquisite in every possible way. Never before nor after had he ever seen someone so noble, courageous, kind-hearted, and just overall an absolute joy to be around– in spite of how their first meeting was not exactly under the most desirable of circumstances. But that leap of faith he took once he saw the true noble soul of Edgar’s, it breathed life into him that he never felt for over a century at the very least. Oh to show Edgar some of the lovely sights of Spain, Italy, and the rest of France, what a wondrous time– The lyrics, he had completely forgotten his original struggles amidst his admiration of Edgar.

“Ah, je n’a pas beaucoup de chance,” Tresor sighed. “Unfortunately, I have hit a block in terms of creativity. For over an hour I sat there, trying to think of an acceptable concept, and yet nothing came of it.”

“Well, I think I’ve got just the thing then!” Edgar joyfully exclaimed. “We should take a walk through the countryside to refresh our minds!”

“A walk sounds quite lovely actually,” Tresor replied, with an air of affection present. “Shall we head off then?”

Edgar gave an utterly infectious enthusiastic grin in response, “Sure thing!”

Once the necessary preparations were made, the two headed out of the castle grounds hand-in-hand. Walking together besides scenic riversides filled Tresor with a gentle warmth in his chest, his father had told him when he was younger that that type of internal feeling is what is known as “love”. Was this feeling meant to be felt by a vampire like himself? For once, he didn’t quite have the answer. No matter what it may be however, he quite enjoyed this sort of feeling Edgar brings to his heart.

“Y’know, despite how you try to come off as, you really are a sweetheart deep down,” Edgar smiled.

“Well, I… I…” Tresor stumbled, his face becoming red as a bouquet of roses. “You’re far too kind to me.”

“Ehehee, am I?”, Edgar giggled with an adorable sweetness. “Or am I right?”

Despite his usual demeanor, Tresor didn’t exactly have any real remarks to respond with. The most he could do was try to hide the embarrassed grin forming across his face with his spare hand. Seeing this rare sight, Edgar gave him a sweet smile in return, prompting Tresor to lower his hand and allow himself to let Edgar see his oh so embarrassed smile.

After a good while of walking about the countryside, the two returned to the castle as swiftly as they possibly could. Tresor’s mind, while quite stimulated from the experience, could only think about Edgar and his various shining qualities. It had become quite clear to the vampire at this point that he was hopelessly in love with Edgar, and yet he wasn’t entirely sure how to tell him. Heading back up to the study, an idea struck him like a piercing arrow.

‘Perhaps,’ Tresor thought to himself, ‘I could write a romantic ballad so I may confess my feelings for him. Ah! Two birds with one stone, absolutely genius!’

He rushed into the study to make sure none of his ideas flew away from him, sitting down and writing down every single romantic thing that came to mind. After all, he’d have plenty of time to truly shape and refine his vision before evening, he was absolutely certain of such. Everything arranged itself perfectly according to the rhythm and melody he had in mind as he turned his ideas into proper lyrics. Looking out the window, he noticed the sun beginning to set as day slowly transitioned to night. That became his cue to get up from his seat and head back down to see Edgar.

He would soon find Edgar setting up the night’s dinner with the little fox spirit that hangs around him, roasted chicken thighs served on top an unctuous pile of risotto and a delightfully colorful arrangement of roasted vegetables surrounding the whole affair. As per usual, the two sat across from each other in front of the seat his late father used to sit at, and a bottle of Tresor’s favorite wine right next to his glass.

“Ah, very thoughtful as per usual,” the vampire observed as he took his seat. “The food looks incredibly delightful as well.”

Edgar simply gave a gentle, bashful smile in response as he took his seat. After Tresor poured himself a glass of wine, the two dug into their meals, savoring each and every flavor all the while.

“Did you finally get something figured out?”, Edgar questioned between bites. “You look incredibly ecstatic about something at least.”

“Indeed I have,” he confidently replied. “That earlier walk truly worked wonders for the artistic side of my mind. In fact, I wish to sing them to you after dinner.”

“That sounds lovely,” Edgar replied, before he started to giggle as he pointed to a spot on Tresor’s chin. “Though, there seems to be a bit of fat dripping from your mouth.”

The vampire caught the dripping fat with one of his bare fingers, sucking on it soon afterwards. “I am such an elegant and refined vampire, I know.” Edgar sweetly laughed in response to Tresor’s cleaning effort and following sarcastic remark, which proved infectious enough to get the vampire heartily chuckling at his own mess-up. Truly, he could never truly be angry at his beloved– especially not at this point. The friendly laughter continued throughout the rest of their meal, amplifying the inner warmth Tresor continued to feel within his heart.

…

“So, what did you write about?”, Edgar asked as he and Tresor made their way into the garden they first met at.

“It’s about something rather near and dear to me,” Tresor responded. “I believe it’d be best if I simply go ahead and sing them out.” Edgar nodded in affirmation, “Go ahead!”

With the go ahead given, Tresor cleared his throat and kept his lyric sheet steady in his hands as he sung the words that he wrote straight from the heart.

“Ah, you are a blue rose

So rare, and oh so beautiful

Shall I sing a ballad for you?

So our bond may last us forever

Passing by the gorgeous countryside,

My only wish is to stay by your side

Your smile is all I ever need

For it captivates me with its mystique

May our story cross time and resound

The melodies we compose with life

And the warmth within our hearts

May your kindness never fade away

And your soul remain pure and true

For this story is ours to write

Will you help make this one

Our happily ever after,

My dearest amour?

Ah, all the roses bloom

Merely through your presence alone

Crossing through these gardens,

All I can think about is you

For you are the spark

That brought me back to life

So I ask only one simple thing

Will you stay by my side

And let us bloom forevermore?

Our tale has only just begun

And yet everything has changed

Just like the winds, in such little time

Our bond is the calmest stream

Gently flowing naturally

Even if it seems so senseless

All of my pain fades away with you

Perhaps even I may have

A happily ever after, after all

May our story cross time and resound

The melodies we compose with life

And the warmth within our hearts

May your kindness never fade away

And your soul remain pure and true

For this story is ours to write

Will you help make this one

Our happily ever after,

My dearest amour?”

“So, what do you think of them?”, the vampire asked affectionately.

Edgar silently got up from his seat and walked towards Tresor, wrapping his arms around the shoulders while looking deeply within the vampire’s eyes.

“I love you too, Tresor.”

He swore his heart was melting like chocolate as he closed his eyes and gently kissed his beloved on the cheek. Edgar responded by leaning in with his eyes also closed, kissing Tresor directly on the lips. This feeling of warmth, comfort and belonging known as love…

It’s the most wonderful feeling of all.