#to mean ravi is fucking LEAVING

[pxrxmoore]

…

[offscreeneddie]

But, because he's Buck, he also wants to make sure that you're worthy.

[wlwgang]

Buck transferring from the 118 tell me this is a joke!!!!!!

[wernerherzogs]

some of my fave buddie fics for anon in no particular order! please mind all the ratings, tags, and warnings of these works while browsing:

plot-focused:

about the present series by Amiril

The day of the shooting, Eddie got stuck in a time loop. But that was three months ago. He's completely fine now.

boys, when my baby found me by nondz (pinkjook)

Three months later, things are mostly back to normal.

And then there's an accident.

the city is a jungle and i’m a beast by putanauhere (TRUST ME.)

“There are no wolves in Southern California,” Buck states, another bit of trivia. He just doesn’t know it’s a lie.

The Things All Come and Gone by moodlighting

“I didn’t—it’s not that I couldn’t be alone,” Buck explained, pausing to find the right words. “I just. Wanted to be here.”

I Broke What You Gave Me, But You Kept Giving More by rcdwings

Evan Buckley wakes up without eight years of his memories with some guy named Eddie Diaz on his bedside. Which could mean nothing.

lonely little love dog by littleghost

When the 118 is closed for reconstruction after an earthquake, Buck is a floater for different stations around the city. He tries not to let it get to him. Much.

kerosene by mandolare

He doesn’t— need more of Eddie. This is enough. This is plenty. This is more than anyone else has of him; he can deal with the marrow-deep want that’s begun to choke him every once in a while.

all my little words by youbetsya

Eddie: Did you just send me an email??

Buck: yeah lol

Eddie: Why…

I dont think you’ve ever emailed me actual words before. Just stuff to print when your printer is broken

Buck: did you read it?

Eddie: Not yet

Too busy trying to figure out why the fuck you’re emailing me

Buck: just read it dude 🙄

instructions on not giving up by Wildehack (tyleet)

Eddie gave up in July.

Live and (Don't) Let Die by xylodemon

The guy gets straight to the point, asking, "What do you need?" in a dull, bored voice.

"My best friend is going to die. I want that to… not happen."

"No small feat, bringing back the dead. And it comes at a cost."

It's Eddie. Buck says, "Yes," without a second thought.

good pretender by likeshipsonthesea

“Okay, but what are the rules?”

Ravi stares. “The rules for…?”

“Casual sex.”

Ravi continues to stare. It is 5:39 in the morning.

i can tell just what you want (you don't want to be alone) by Talls

In which Eddie keeps secrets and Buck is incredibly normal and rational and even brave about his reaction to this.

here’s my hand, there’s the itch by signetsealed

"I wasn’t kidding when I said I could talk about Chris all night,” Eddie says. His voice is quiet and close in Buck’s ear. “But that’s not why I called.”

been lost for a while by trysetmeonfire

Eddie's wife has been dead for two weeks. There's a firefighter in bed five. These are not necessarily related facts, but Eddie will have a hard time separating them out, later.

Downward Facing Doggy Style by Survivah

Eddie and Buck pick up a new hobby while Chris is in Texas.

slaughterhouse by kithmet

Eddie announces he’s leaving. Buck, naturally, begins a slow descent to madness.

Choosing Joy 'Verse series by ithilien22

In which Eddie mends fences with Chris, starts something new with Buck, and navigates the complex emotions he has around his parents.

 the sweetest apparition by hyruling

Eddie moves to Texas. Buck keeps accidentally telling people Eddie's dead. It goes about as well as you'd expect.

pluperfect by unreckless

Buck is always good for a ride to the airport. He’s good at lots of things, like being a good friend and goodbyes.

beating the horse by doitgently

Eddie is moving to Texas. Buck finally figures out what he wants.

Burn a bridge, learn how to swim series by WatermelonShots (AvocadosUnderTheEaves)

In which there is some unexpected making out, some pining, one third of an existential crisis and a lot of unhelpful advice. Not necessarily in that order.

you drew stars around my scars by ladieslunching

Someone at the 118 doesn't know how to leave Buck's clipboard alone. Buck would be a lot more upset about it if it didn't bag him the love of his life.

Hot Ghost Problems by ebjameston

The ghost would prefer to go by Buck, if Eddie wouldn’t mind.

ripples all the way down by iriswests

This is the tumultuous road to finding out what Buck truly wants, paved by pebbles.

throw a bone, i’m finally home by fleetinghearts

“Oh, Buck,” Eddie says softly, torn between unbearable fondness and an ache that threatens to crack his breastbone.

when everything's on fire by beartowns

Eddie and Chris move in with Buck after a fire. Buck breaks up with his boyfriend, buys a house with Eddie, and realizes he's in love. In precisely that order.

ice cream before dinner by cloudydaisies

The problem is—well.

Actually, backtrack for a sec. There were a few problems.

Eddie’s got a whole lot of them, lately, and maybe that was The Problem.

Something in the Air (Is Giving Me Bad Ideas) by paramountie

After Christopher comes back from Texas, Eddie makes an important decision: he is not going to blow up his life anymore.

crossed the muddy line by Anonymous

Eddie Diaz is from El Paso, Texas; a fact which accounts for both more and less than he ever expected it to.

the tortured poets department by colonoscopys

The first time Buck touched him, Eddie blew an ambulance up.

still by brewrosemilk

For the first time, Buck longs for a bullet wound to treat. Dirt to dig at. A door to break through. Something. There’s nothing.

somewhere to stand and stay by teaspoon

“What are you doing right now?” Eddie asks. He sounds distracted; Buck can tell immediately that he’s driving.

authentication by v_greyson (greyson)

"Yeah, Eddie picks the guys so I don't make stupid decisions," Buck says, flicking through menus to pick a new racetrack.

The combination of Hen munching peanuts and looking back and forth between them makes Eddie feel like he's a zoo exhibit. Best Friends, captured in the wild, still feral, exhibiting behaviors heretofore unknown to science.

"Well, good luck with - all that," Hen says pointedly to Eddie. She is definitely not talking about the video game.

keeping score by arcanaphora

After getting dumped, Buck is left with two tickets to a weeklong cruise. Eddie steps in to support a friend in need, but complications arise when his friend becomes his fake husband. All's fair in love, war, and trivia.

if i said you could never touch me by marviless*

Eddie pulls back from him with a half-confused, half-concerned furrow in between his eyebrows. “Buck?”

Buck sags against the wall. “Sorry,” he says, wiping the back of his forearm against his forehead in a mixture of frustration and newfound exhaustion. “Sorry.”

Counting Pulses by tinyydancerr*

Eddie Diaz’s life is going great. He’s in therapy, he’s got a great girlfriend, a great kid, his friend is getting married to the woman of his dreams, and his best friend just came out to him.

Now his best friend is dating their new friend.

Things are going great. He promises.

porn-heavy (only a few of these are straight up pwp though):

Feel You Forever by semperama

“Is this…” Eddie meets his eyes again. “Is this new?”

a mess of my creation by Anonymous

They’re in the fucking bunk room. There’s someone snoring in the bed over by the bathroom, a good twenty feet and two beds away, and Buck doesn’t know if it’s Hen or Chimney or Bobby, but they’re in here, they’re asleep, and this is awful, this is so fucking unprofessional and if they get caught they are going straight to HR.

blood in the highs and count the stars by seachanged

“Go on,” Eddie says, nosing into the soft spot under Buck’s jaw.

Buck laughs, a little hysterically. ”You’re not serious.”

look straight ahead if you like it slow by hattalove

“This gets you going, huh?” Eddie grins, propping himself up on his elbows so he can move higher on the bed, reach the pretty pink bow of Buck’s mouth. “Devotion? You being it for me?” He stretches up toward Buck’s ear, whispers: “Monogamy?”

hang me up on your bedroom wall by eddiegettingshot

“You’re going to be a great father someday,” Eddie says eventually, because he’s worse than he used to be and Buck’s reverent eyes make him feel—they just make him feel.

“Eddie, I—”

“You are,” he repeats, firm. “Don’t you think I’d know better than anyone?

buck and eddie's red hot infidelity summer series by cranberrymoons

He’s not thinking about it. He’s not. He’s definitely not.

the moon like a spotlight by dykeries

Three months after Eddie moves to El Paso, Buck comes to visit.

this ecstasy, this forgetfulness of living by glorious_spoon

"You guess," Eddie repeats under his breath, but he sounds amused. He sets the boxes down and kicks the door shut behind him to wind through the chaos of Buck's half packed away kitchen. "You're insane."

love's not a game by thatbuddie (talktothesky)

“So that goal, huh?”

Buck groans, his hands clawing at the sheets beneath him as his toes curl up, the fire that’s been building up inside him for what feels like hours sizzling and uncontrollable in its path through Buck’s body.

i might kiss you on the back of your neck (because it’s christmas time) by sibylsleaves

Five Times Captain Diaz and Recruit Lieutenant Diaz fail to sleep together and one time they do.

would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? by brattybuckley

Evan Buckley is currently on cloud nine. 

Well–

Honey on the Vine by sirencalls

Buck wakes up to an Eddie with stubble for the first time in months and refuses to let a good opportunity to go waste.

lock me down tonight by lecornergirl

Buck tells everyone Eddie talks him into it, but when it comes to Eddie, he’s never needed much convincing.

Mind Blowing Mess by EtoileGarden

"I’d like to have a threesome. I think.” 

“You think?” 

“Yeah,” Taylor eyed him for a moment, and then leaned a little further over the table, her chin in her hand. “Have you ever had one before?”

songs and poems and promises by lesbianrobin

“It’s crazy how different sex is with men,” Buck says, and everyone around him groans.

rodeo queen by okanus

“What’s the saying again? Save a horse…hm, y’know, I don't quite remember the rest of it.” Eddie can’t help the smile curving up the corner of his mouth.

“You’re an asshole,” Buck says, scowling. The tips of his ears are pink.

yes god don't speak by detectivemeer

“You’re staring.”

“What.” Eddie says. “No I’m not.” 

[alchemistc]

He'd had a dream about this, once. Sweat still cooling, sheets tangled at his feet, a view of Eddie Diaz's bedroom ceiling.

Sue him - Tommy's not the first guy who ever had a raunchy dream about a straight friend. For a few weeks there, both Diaz and Evan Buckley had featured heavily in his rotation. And then Evan had tried to murder his best friend and Tommy had kissed him about it and now...

Tommy shifts his weight. Slides his hand across the sheets - Evan's sheets, still familiar even if the location has changed. Christ, why had Eddie never scraped the popcorn off his ceiling? It's an easy job, really, even if it is painfully boring and time consuming, he could -

The hand that curls around his neck, just under his jaw, is light, careful, still possibly covered in Tommy's cum.

"I missed you," Evan says, and Tommy feels the panic bubbling under his skin, a miasma of humming thrumming reminders that this had been a bad idea from the start. That "randomly" running into his ex three shots deep at the bar had been one of his shittier plans, fueled by his own tipsy jealousy at seeing Evan's drinking partner grinning at him for a good hour while Tommy got progressively worse at pool.

He opens his mouth to let Evan down. He can't do this There's no world where this changes anything. For Christ's sake, he'd only done it because the possessive monster inside of him had heard Evan introduce him to Ravi Panikkar as 'my... Tommy' and the rest of his brain had left the fucking building.

"Everything is so screwed, Tommy. Eddie, and Maddie, and - I just. I want to work on this. I want - I know I didn't say it right before, but everything went to shit that day and if we could just..."

He's always done this. Fucked Tommy to the brink of brainlessness and then proceeded to talk a mile a minute like the sex they'd had was inspirational and energizing. Tommy'd been endeared by it from the start. He still is.

He fucking hates that.

"I can - we can go slow. You set the pace, Tommy, I promise."

"Buck," he starts, and everything in Evan shuts down all at once.

He's done a poor job of keeping that line drawn in his own head - all these months later and he still thinks too much about him, still thinks of him as Evan, and it's a shitty thing to do when they're both fully aware that it's something of a treat for both of them - that name that's been mostly Tommy's since the day Buck found himself at the academy with three Evan's and grinned his way through a nicknaming process.

Evan's hand unfurls from its spot, fingers slipping from where they'd been working at his earlobe. He's gone from soft and pliant glued to Tommy's side, to stiff as he rolls away, sheets travelling with him, and Tommy doesn't fight it when they shift free of him, leaving him bare as the day he was born.

At least he's got his trusty fucking walls. Those at least will keep Evan from glancing up and seeing him break his own heart in two twice over.

Evan rolls to a sit, heaves his legs over the bed. In the soft light Tommy can map out the constellation of moles on his curved back as he drops his head into his hands.

The silence is deafening.

"I, uh ... I think you should go?"

Tommy's certain he doesn't mean for it to sound like a question. He's also certain Evan Buckley has never once in his life been anything but a novice at hiding emotion in his face, body language, voice.

He's pretty sure they could do this a hundred times and Evan might just let him.

Tommy doesn't speak as he gathers his clothes. Doesn't speak as he steals furtive glances around the hem of his T-shirt, doesn't speak as he realizes he didn't even make time for cleanup so he's definitely driving home with the evidence of this night still fucking on him.

Evan's still cradling his head in his hands when Tommy shoves his foot into a boot, not bothering with laces because maybe he'll just fucking trip on the curb and fall into oncoming traffic. It might be the better option.

"I'm -."

"Don't," Evan says, just loud enough for Tommy to know he's barking around a phlegmy throat. "This is worse, just so you know. It was already bad, Tommy..."

Tommy expects there to be more, but there isn't anything. Evan's shoulders heave, and Tommy grabs his keys and phone off the side table, and he blinks and he's somehow out the door, eyes stinging and blood rushing in his ears and he honestly shouldn't be driving but he's not gonna leave his fucking truck here.

He's not entirely sure how he makes it home. He comes back to himself with scalding hot water washing away the evidence of his fuck-up, throat sore and jaw tight and his phone blowing up on the bathroom countertop.

He shouldn't feel the vindication he does that at least this time he milked enough emotion out of Evan to make him send fourteen - his phone buzzes again - fifteen texts in a row.

He feels it anyway, and just to dig the knife deeper into his own chest he shuts his phone off for the night the moment he's towelled himself dry.

Tomorrow. He'll figure it out tomorrow.

He's been telling himself that for five months - a year - his whole fucking life. Maybe one day he'll be telling the truth.

[dadupbuck]

April bookmarks wrap up!

First post with the new username! (Used to be evanbuckleyrecs)

Here are all the 911 fics I bookmarked in April :) the order is from most recently read to the beginning of the month

If you're the author or any of these fics, let me know and I'll add a tag :) however tumblr keeps removing tags in my posts randomly

WARNING: some summaries may have spoilers for 8b. In the 'tag' part I'm putting when fics take place or were published. If you're avoiding spoilers, check that before reading the summary!

Don't let the tide rush over and wash us away by writerforlife

Buddie, Buddie & Chris | rated M | 23,8K | 3 chapters | 2022, post s5 | angst, buck breakdown, ptsd, happy ending

* TW frequent mention of canon past suicide attempt (Maddie) and suicidal thoughts

Buck develops a relationship with the ocean, avoids talking about the day Eddie was shot, realizes he might be in love, and drives.

Order may vary.

(a fic for the "Buck is going to break all the way down in season 6" truthers)

Can't leave me alone by 42hrb

Buddie | rated E | 3,3k | roommates, minor spoilers until 8x14, first time, accidental voyeurism, fluff and smut |

“There wasn’t a line at the DMV, it was a miracle. I —” The words die on Eddie’s lips as he takes in the scene in front of him, his eyes go wide and his mouth drops open, a flush spreads over his cheeks.

Buck must look a fucking sight and he knows it, his face hot with a mix of shame and arousal. He can’t look at Eddie, not when he’s still got a fucking dildo buried in his ass. Not when his cock is fucking leaking against his stomach. Not when looking at Eddie might be what sends him tipping over the edge, so Buck carefully looks at the wall behind him instead. “Y-you’re not supposed to be home yet."

“The DMV didn’t have a line,” Eddie says again, taking a step into the room instead of turning around like Buck is expecting him too. If Eddie leaves Buck can take the dildo out of his ass and they can maybe pretend this never happened, or at the very least ignore it for 6 to 12 months, until it’s funny to joke about.

Face the burnin' heat by EiraLloyd @unlifeira

Buddie | rated T | 2k | post 8x15 | funeral, tommy kinard bashing, pre-relationship Buddie, grief/mourning

* Warning: main character death

At Bobby's funeral, Buck witnesses Eddie punching Tommy right after Tommy says something particularly hurtful. Buck knows there has to be more to this than just anger—and it turns out, he's right.

Forever is the sweetest con by @becausebuckley

Buddie, Buck & Ravi | Rated E | 37,8K | post s8a | marriage of convenience, friends to husbands, practice kissing, sharing a bed, cuddling, wedding rings, family reunions, humor

“Buck,” Eddie says, a small smile curving at the edge of his mouth, “wanna get married? For our honeymoon, we’ll scam your parents out of some money and make Ravi’s accountant do our taxes.”

“Well,” Buck says drily, “that sounds like an offer I can’t refuse.”

“I’m sorry,” Eddie says, in his very best – meaning very bad – impression of Buck when he gets his hands on a clipboard. “What was that?”

“Yes, Eddie,” Buck says, putting on an air of suffering despite the butterflies making themselves at home in his stomach. Man, whoever Eddie ends up proposing to for realsies is gonna be so lucky. “I’ll marry you.”

or: buck is invited to a family reunion and realises that there's a good chunk of money waiting for him. there’s one issue, though: he has to be married to claim it, and right now, he’s painfully single. it’s a good thing he has such a great best friend in eddie, right?

What a View by maybeamystery

Buddie | rated G | 3k | 2022 | hurt buck, temporary loss of vision, didn't know they were dating, idiots in love, misunderstanding, migraines, holding hands

They’re coming back from a late call for a shift that was supposed to end at two-thirty but didn’t, and Buck has been keeping a close eye on the time. He’s a busy guy with things to do and places to be. One minute he’s glancing at his phone for the two hundredth time in the last thirty minutes, and the next, the whole world goes blurry and out of focus.

I can't believe my eyes (I must be seeing blind) by calvingseason

Buddie | rated T | 5,9k | 2022 | crack treated seriously, gay disaster buck, glasses, getting together, idiots in love

Buck never thought he had this kink. He’s like, pretty convinced he knows everything there is to know about his own likes and dislikes and attractions and whatnot, but this? This fucking weird fantasy that’s playing in his head like he’s the subject of a strange student-teacher love affair? Buck’s going to Google the highest bridge in Los Angeles and jump off. Because it’s fucking glasses that are doing it for him. Glasses.

or, eddie gets glasses. buck is normal about it.

Allergic to love by notetonote

Buddie | rated G | 4,5k | 8x05 Masks | Tommy bashing, bucktommy break up, protective Eddie, hurt Buck, allergic reactions, soft Eddie, fix it fic, oblivious Buck, oblivious Eddie, Eddie takes care of Buck

“What’s going on? Did I miss something, or–” Tommy starts, chuckling lightly.

“Yeah actually, I think you did.” Eddie’s voice carries across the loft, shutting up Tommy immediately. It’s much more accusatory and pointed than before, not a hint of wariness to it. Eddie takes his time as he stalks back over into the open plan kitchen and dining room area, shaking the bottle in front of him as he does.

“Ibuprofen.”

Tommy looks between the bottle and Eddie’s stoic face, still completely clueless. “Yeah? That’s what it says on the label.”

Buck hardly hears Tommy say this to Eddie, the word Ibuprofen echoing around the walls of his mind. Oh, God.

— — —

Or

When Buck wakes up with boils on his face, he calls Eddie to check it out. It is when Eddie finds out that Tommy gave Buck ibuprofen, one of the medications that can trigger Buck’s allergy to naproxen, that hell breaks loose.

Eddie Diaz vs the Buck's Boyfriend Agenda by songbvrd

Buddie | rated M | 23,4k | post s7 | tommy bashing, pining, not actually unrequited love, unhinged Eddie, jealous Eddie, Eddie goes to therapy, gay Eddie, 118 as family

* warning: infidelity (not buck/buddie)

“Asked me if I was the Chinese food delivery guy on my first day.” Chim contributed in a whisper, like he was afraid Buck might wake up and hear. Maybe he felt disloyal admitting it now. It was no secret to anyone paying attention how much Chim loved Buck, even if he often pretended to be exasperated with him.

Hen nodded solemnly. “One of the many people who wouldn’t even acknowledge me when I started.”

It was news to Eddie, and apparently Ravi too, but not Cap, who resolutely stared down at the table in front of him, shaking his head.

“Oh, so he fucking sucks.” Ravi contributed casually, never one to pull punches with his thoughts.

No one responded, but the agreement was in the air.

OR -

Eddie starts gathering information about why no one trusts Tommy. As he grows to hate their relationship more, he learns more about himself and what he wants.

I'll show you mine (will you show me yours?) By @becausebuckley

Buddie | rated E | 5,7k | 2024 | getting together, phone sex, nude photos, dirty talk

“What if... what if he's right, Eddie? What if my nudes really do look weird and everyone’s just been too polite to say anything? Cause, like, I used to send them a lot, you know? Before we met, when I was still Buck 1.0? What if I’ve been sharing really bad pictures with everyone? Shit, what if my dick really does look weird?”

“Buck, your dick doesn’t look weird,” Eddie says.

“See, but here’s the thing, I wouldn’t know,” Buck stresses. “Like, I used to sext with women, you know? I haven’t seen that many hard dicks. Maybe there’s something super wrong with mine, and I’ve gone all my life going ooh, look at me, I call myself Firehose, my dick is so cool and big and stuff, and everyone was just making fun of me behind my back!”

or: when buck feels insecure about his nudes, he asks eddie for help. for 911 kinktober day 27: non-penetrative sex!

I'm Going To Try My Best To Figure It Out For Myself by @aspecbuddie

Buck & Hen, Buddie (background) | post 8x11 | feelings realization (sort of), pre relationship Buddie, Buck loves Eddie

After ten minutes of silence, ten minutes of thinking about the thing he’s trying not to think about, Buck cracks.

“Anyone ever think you were in love with Athena?”

He’s still staring straight ahead, but in his peripheral, he sees Hen’s head jerk in his direction.

“What the hell?!”

-

or; Buck talks to Hen after that conversation with Tommy

He's Got Stars In His Eyes by @gaydadeddie

Buddie | rated E | 3,8k | post 8x11 | Eddie's silver star, freak4freak buddie, jealousy, possessive Eddie, smut, religious guilt

Eddie wants Buck to wear his Silver Star, which would be cool and normal, except Eddie's a freak.

I touch myself, I dream by Excalipurr

Buddie | rated E | 28k | 3 Chapters | post 8x08 | freak4freak Buddie, Eddie moves to Texas, pining Eddie, Jealous Eddie, texting, possessive Eddie, Eddie needs a hug, character study, light angst, unhinged Eddie, catholic guilt, religious trauma, first kiss

The text he receives is simple.

you took my LAFD t-shirt, man

Hm

Are you sure?

pretty sure

Attached there is a picture. In it, Buck stands in front of his bathroom mirror with a t-shirt two sizes too small, his birthmark eyebrow raised in an I told you so expression. Eddie is oddly impressed by the size of Buck’s biceps and chest straining hard against the frail-looking material, like he’s about to burst out of it. And he’s also a little mesmerized by the way the fabric fails to fully cover the bottom area of his waist, his stomach just slightly peeking out, happy trail going down like an invitation.

or: Eddie accidentally takes Buck's LAFD t-shirt to El Paso.

Rodeo queen by okanus

Buddie | rated E | 15,6k | 2024 | sexual tension, flirting, first kiss, halloween, cowboy hats, getting together, first time, possessive eddie

“What’s the saying again? Save a horse…hm, y’know, I don't quite remember the rest of it.” Eddie can’t help the smile curving up the corner of his mouth.

“You’re an asshole,” Buck says, scowling. The tips of his ears are pink.

“Come on, Buck,” Eddie murmurs, something white-hot and hungry snaking through him at Buck’s faltering gaze, at the way Buck reaches up to tug at his suit collar. “Save a horse…I know you can do it.”

“Ride a cowboy,” Buck says finally, his voice husky like Eddie’s never heard it before.

Sunday morning, got me looking crazy by @lovesicktaxi

Buddie | rated G | 10,9k | pre s8x06 | tommy bashing, pre-relationship Buddie, getting together, sweet Eddie, oblivious Buck, feelings realization, crack, ADHD Buck, good sibling Maddie, soft Buddie, overwhelmed Buck

Buck spirals on a Sunday morning over his boyfriend, his best friend, a Tiktok, and what it means to show up for others.

And his laundry is still not dry.

Paint on your face by paleredheadinascifi

Buddie | rated T | 4,9k | AU, getting together, fluff, different first meeting, adorable Chris, teacher Buck, meet cute

“Yeah. Craziest thing. My kid comes home a few weeks ago with a birthmark on his eyebrow. Looks suspiciously like a smudge of paint, but he assures me it’s a birthmark.”

“Ah,” Buck cringes. "Mr Diaz - -"

"Eddie."

Or, if you ask Christopher, that smudge on his eyebrow is a birthmark. If you ask Eddie, his kid won't stop painting on his face and he has no idea why.

Wanna see your body on mine (and collide) by @becausebuckley

Buddie | Rated E | 4,6k | first time, established relationship, top eddie, bottom buck

They fit perfectly together, Buck can’t help but think. It’s like they’re two puzzle pieces that have been reunited, like they were always meant to collide like this.

or: buddie sleep together for the first time. for the 911 kinktober prompt first time!

Promises to Keep by @catmomjudy

Buddie, Eddie & Bobby, Eddie & Chris | rated T | 4,6k | post 8x15 | main character death, pre relationship Buddie, Bobby ships Buddie

* Warning: main character death

Eddie gets a strange and disturbing text, followed by a phone call from a worrying source.

And through it all, he realizes that being a man means more than sucking it up in a sucky house in sucky El Paso.

Because he made a promise, and he's going to keep it.

All the quiet nights by @becausebuckley

Buddie | rated T | 3,8k | mild hurt/comfort, sharing a bed, bathing/washing, fluff, getting together, forehead kissing, cuddling, eddie takes care of buck, hair washing

“You don’t have to do that,” Buck says, averting his eyes as Eddie’s fingers begin working at his belt. “It’s just my wrist.”

“Just- just let me take care of you,” Eddie says. It’s a question, but it comes out somewhere between a statement and a plea. “Please.”

or: eddie takes care of buck.

Stay Right Here (Life's Not the Same Without You) by amACEinglyordinary

Buddie | rated G | 2,2k | post 8a | getting together, mutual pining, fluff, cuddling, couch theory

Eddie and Chris come back home from Texas. Buck is slightly panicking about the discovery of his feelings for Eddie. Eddie is suspiciously tactile, even for him. Chris is used to their antics.

My wishes come true (whenever I'm with you) by @becausebuckley

Buddie | rated T | 3,6k | sharing a bed, getting together, cuddling, first kiss

“Yeah, I get that,” he says softly. “It’s been a while for me too. But it’s kind of nice, isn’t it? Having someone there?”

“It is,” Eddie says. “I- I always liked that. It feels safer.”

“I feel safer, too.”

or: buck and eddie have to share a bed in a hotel. for flufftober day 31, make a wish!

I'll give you my clothes (because you already have my heart) by @becausebuckley

Buddie | rated T | 5,5k | fluff, 5+1, sharing clothes, first kiss

“Sure thing, bud,” Eddie says, rolling his eyes. “Till then, put this on, will you?”

He lobs a bundle of fabric at Buck. Buck scrambles to catch it, then unfolds it to find a blue button-up, the version of their uniform that Eddie usually prefers.

He holds it out in front of him. On the label in the back of the neck, he sees Diaz written in Eddie’s spiky handwriting.

“I figured you wouldn’t have any spares left,” Eddie explains, “and the ones in that pile tend to run smaller, cause B-shift always forgets to do the laundry and we never have any larger sizes left because of them. This should still fit you, I think.”

or: five times buck wears eddie's clothes, and one time he wears his own.

Not so crazy (not tonight) by @becausebuckley

Buddie | rated T | 1,7k | post 8x11 | feelings realization, getting together, phone calls, love confessions

Because of all people, the most likely one to know who Buck is in love with is Eddie himself.

It’s just what they do. Years ago, they’d promised to have each other’s backs, and since then, they’ve been like this. Buck knows Eddie, and Eddie knows Buck, and somewhere along the way, they became BuckandEddie and they haven’t looked back since.

or: buck tells eddie about maddie's question. eddie has some thoughts about it.

Teach me how to dance with you by @becausebuckley

Buddie | Rated M | 5,2k | slow dancing, getting together, horny Buck, first kiss, competent Eddie, fluff and humor, oblivious Buck

“Okay, come here,” Eddie says, dropping the sponge and dish he was cleaning into the soapy water with a splash. He’s tugging on Buck’s elbow, then, the wetness from his fingers seeping into Buck’s clothes and all the way through to his skin.

“Uh, what?” Buck brings out, but he’s helpless to do anything but follow Eddie’s lead and let go of the tea towel.

“We’re dancing,” Eddie says, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

Or: Eddie teaches Buck to dance.

Keeping it quiet by @bellabrady

Buddie | rated G | 3,2k | love confessions, getting together, humor, idiots in love, first kiss

He can’t handle standing next to Eddie for however long it takes to clean the engine, he just can’t. He’s going to lose it. And he’s going to lose Eddie, too, because he’ll inevitably either kiss him or confess his undying love. He can’t even guarantee he won’t just drop down on one knee and propose.

“Oh, yeah, I’ll be right there, Bobby!” Buck yells before dropping his rag into the bucket and taking off towards the loft, leaving Eddie standing there dumbfounded.

“Buck, no one was calling for you!” he shouts, exasperated. Buck ignores him and bounds up the stairs.

Or: Buck realizes he's in love with Eddie shortly before a 24 hour shift. Out of fear of accidentally confessing his love, Buck tries to avoid him at all costs. If only Eddie wasn't so derermined to talk to him.

Bring me to your altar (drop me to my knees) by justhockey

Buddie | rated E | 5,5k | s8 | jealous Eddie, possessive Eddie, love confessions, first kiss, first time, fluff and smut, getting together, friends to lovers, religious imagery and symbolism

Eddie takes a breath, and he pushes down on Buck’s shoulders until he’s sitting on the edge of the bed. Then Eddie drops to his knees between Buck’s thighs, like he’s ready to pray.

Back in El Paso, Eddie got used to Sunday mornings in church. It was surprisingly easy to fall back into the rhythm of it, even though Eddie has been beating out of sync for his entire life. He still doesn’t believe - not in god, or sin, or hell. He does believe in heaven, though. Thinks he’s found it right here, in Buck.

Because nothing - no god, or church, or prayer - has ever felt as holy as this.

His Father(s) by xompeii

Eddie & Chris | rated G | 1,3k | post 8x12 | family, fluff, coda, feelings realization, Chris has 2 dads

“I’m sorry, so you’re saying Chris has two fathers?” The redheaded woman from earlier says. It’s not in a bad way, it’s more confused than anything else.

“No, I’m his father. Ramon is his grandfather,” Eddie is pretty calm about this. Somehow he still feels the need to add, “There would be nothing wrong if he did, but it’s just me.”

Or - After Chris and Eddie talk at the Chess Tournament, they keep talking.

Chasing butterflies by rizcriz

Buddie | rated T | 5,7k | post 8a | feelings realization, Eddie in El Paso, coming out

How long have you been in love with her?

Is sitting in the air as they laugh, turning to each other like they’ve done something, and dropping the subject entirely in favor of grilling Grant on his upcoming wedding.

How long have you been in love with her?

Is sitting in the air as he blindly grabs for his beer, dragging it to his mouth and downing what’s left in the bottle in one desperate gulp.

How long have you been in love with her?

Is rewording itself, reworking itself, translating itself until it fits;

How long have you been in love with him?

--

Or, Eddie's in El Paso and suddenly everything makes sense.

Wherever you go, that's where I am by spiritsontheroof

Buddie | rated T | 4,7k | post 8x13/8x14 (alternate 8x15) | getting together, mutual pining, holding hands, moving in together, tenderness, first kiss, sharing a bed, non sexual intimacy

Ravi follows Buck’s line of sight and jerks his head in Hen and Karen’s direction. “You ever wish you had that?”

“Had what?” Buck asks. “A wife?”

“Yeah, I guess. Or,” Ravi shrugs, twisting the shock blanket he’s supposed to be wrapped in between his hands. “Just someone to go home to.”

Buck rubs at his sternum as a sudden sharp pain shoots through it. “Yeah."

--

OR, Buck gets someone to go home to.

You're taking me out of the ordinary by wafflesofdoom

Buddie | rated G | 1,8k | post 8x13 | first kiss, getting together

“Ballroom kind of requires a partner,” Eddie pointed out, and for a second, his words hung heavy in the air between them, a metaphor so heavy-handed that it almost made Eddie cringe – he’d gone so long, without a partner, a real one who was all in, and then he’d met Buck, and he’d found the perfect partner, in the other man.

Buck gestured vaguely at himself. “I’ll be your partner.”

Your hands, my hips by farfromthstars

Buddie | rated E | 1,6k | post 8x12 | feelings realization, Introspection, phone calls, pre relationship Buddie

Eddie draws in a sharp breath and, all of a sudden, realizes that he’s hard, or getting there at least. He glances at his phone screen again, at Buck’s peaceful face, still fast asleep, and hits the red button in a panicked daze.

He must’ve gotten his wires crossed somehow, maybe he dreamt something or he’s just– pent up, or whatever, and then the thought of Buck’s chest, and his thighs–

He must’ve gotten his wires crossed somehow, maybe he dreamt something or he’s just– pent up, or whatever, and then the thought of Buck’s chest, and his thighs–

~

eddie wakes up with buck still on facetime. he's not normal about it.

Ooff that was long 😅 it took me hours to make this post

[ninjatrashpanda]

Why I think Buck and Tommy will reconcile

So I just wrote this up as a response over on r/AO3 on Reddit, and I said "Fuck it, it's Tevanniversary today, let's spread it!"

So, below to cut is a little essay about my very positive stance on Buck and Tommy getting back together. I've seen a lot of doom and gloom around, and if you wants something positive, please, go ahead and read!

Warning though, I go into leaks and spoilers here!

8x11 is the reason I think they will get back together, mainly because of tropes, the question of "What would the point be?" and general BTS. Instant sorry for the essay 😬

So, point 1, Tropes and Writing Choices:

Let's start before 8x11, though. Buck and Tommy are broken up for four episodes before they hook up. Three of those episodes feature direct, hard Tommy mentions, all in the context of Buck yearning for him and starting to bake specifically to distract himself from thinking about him. The only one that doesn't is 8x09, but that episode still heavily digs into Buck's abandonment issues, which Tommy's departure amplified. Additionally, 8x10 has Buck straight up say that Tommy breaking up with him is when he feels his life started falling apart. 8x10 also has Buck give Eddie some cookies for on the way. He was baking again.

Now, onto 8x11. The episode starts with Buck being unable to properly unpack because, in his own words, if he does, it makes it real that Eddie and Chris are gone for good. Keep that in mind. Because of this, he shows up at Madney's house, with arms full of, you guessed it, baked goods.

Buck then tries to hang out with Ravi, who's annoyed af and throws Tommy at him. Tommy opens up and tells Buck that he was yearning just as much as he did. And that's when Buck shifts from awkward to initiating their hookup. The next day, Tommy makes it clear he wants to try again, and we already know Buck wants too, but before he can agree, Tommy puts his foot in his mouth by calling Eddie competition, and Buck puts his foot into his mouth by implying he doesn't have feelings for Tommy anymore, which we know is not true, but Tommy doesn't, because Buck has never actually said anything to that regard. So Tommy leaves.

When Buck goes to talk to Maddie about Tommy's insecurities, Buck gathers ingredients and utensils to bake. Again. During this conversation, he makes it clear that he wants to call Tommy. Not Eddie.

The episode then ends with Buck unpacking and making the house his. Which means that he made his peace with Eddie's departure. Something he still has not done with Tommy's. This episode has firmly put Buck and Tommy into Will They Won't They territory, and I don't know how familiar with sitcoms and rom-coms you are, but they usually Will.

Point 2: What would the Point be?

Tommy's role in 8x11 did not have to be filled by Tommy. It could've been any random guy (or gal, for that matter) Buck hooked up with to bring up Eddie and the Buddie situation. Going into leaks and spoilers for the rest of the season there is no need for Tommy to pilot the helicopter in the two-parter. In fact, there's no need for a helicopter in the two-parter at all. Tim could've just not written one in. Those things are expensive, he would've been better off choosing something else. Additionally, the funeral in presumably 8x16 for presumably Bobby features Tommy standing in line with the 118. Why? He doesn't work there anymore. Hasn't in almost ten years.

They also very distinctly tried to keep Lou's return a secret.

All of this to say: What is the point of bringing Tommy back for these things instead of just using extras, day players, etcetera, who would be once again, much cheaper? Why would they keep it a surprise instead of advertising it if it was only for a few one offs? To me, there's three potential answers, here in order of how likely I think they are:

BuckTommy reconciliation, either this season or next.

Tommy is built up to potentially get booted up to main next season. With Peter and Ryan potentially leaving/stepping down, and Gavin all but confirmed to, there's slots available, and Tommy has proven to be lucrative. No matter if it's love or hate, Tommy brings numbers.

Tommy is built up to potentially move to Nashville. Same reasoning as above, he's a character with a sizable number of fans and has proven to bring in numbers. While not as big as one of the mains, he could bring over some fans.

Point 3: General BTS/Leaks and Spoilers.

We know Tommy is in at least two more episodes (8x15 and whichever episode the funeral takes place in, presumably 8x16. He could also appear in 8x14, but that depends on how the plot goes.), potentially more. Again, none of these appearances are necessary in any way. Tommy's role in the two-parter could be given to a character of the week, his presence in the funeral when he doesn't work at the 118 is out of the ordinary anyway. All of this while Tommy and Buck's relationship is not at all resolved in either direction. The fact that he's here at all is sign enough that a reconciliation is at least on the table.

Also, and this one doesn't prove anything lol, but I thought it was interesting either way: In a recent interview, Tim Minear quite literally referred to Tommy as Buck's boyfriend. He also used 'ex' and 'bed buddy' in the same interview, so that he slipped into boyfriend is interesting. This one is absolutely tinfoil hat territory though, and I wouldn't read into it if it wasn't for everything else here lol.

So, uh, that's it. Keep in mind, the tropes used alone would have me convinced that they're getting back together, but the BTS and leaks are amplifying it. I currently stand 95-5 on whether it happens or not.

But also, even if they don't get back together, I won't care that much. I have fanfic. Tevan fandom thrived after the breakup, and we'll continue to thrive no matter what happens. I'm just observing the tropes I'm familiar with and drawing a conclusion based on it. And that conclusion is reconciliation.

[getaandlucius]

A brief taste of honey (an emperor Geta love story)

This is a story of two men, of rage, war and eventually: love. Inspired by Gladiator 2 characters Geta and Lucius.

Summary: Former emperor Geta survives but falls now under Lucius' regime. An unexpected story unfolds. Part 1

Authors note: I do realize this pairing is quite niche, so if you like to read more about them, please leave a comment or share!

Warnings: death, injury, mentioning of depression, severe stress.

Part 2 ( Part 1)

“Caracalla is dead.”

Lucius turned around. “Excuse me?”

“One of the watchmen killed him. By accident.” his guard Laurentius told him, looking apologetic.

“What do you mean, by accident?” Lucius struggled to stay calm, though rage bubbled inside him.

“Caracalla had hidden one of his fibulae, sharpening it into a weapon to stab Tiberius in the eye. He became positively feral!”

“Yes, I know that part,” Lucius replied impatiently. “But why was he killed?”

“Tiberius elbowed him in the temple,” the guard admitted, clearing his throat awkwardly. “Too hard.”

“You fools,” Lucius muttered under his breath. “Where is Tiberius?”

“At the healer. His eye was stabbed.”

“Yes, I fucking heard you the first time.” Lucius sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose. He turned around and made his way toward the infirmary, wanting to have a word with the man.

Once he arrived, he immediately spotted him and strode over, his steps purposeful.

“This is bad, Tiberius." He started. "How are we to show the people a new way forward—ways of fairness, law. Of order—when we can’t even control our temper?”

“It was self-defense,” Tiberius argued.

“Was it now?”

“Yes.”

“But instead of going to the healer after you got stabbed, you waited until Caracalla was recaptured to elbow him in the temple?”

“...Quite right.”

“So, no self-defense at that point, then?”

“...No, Lucius.”

“Just vengeance?”

“Right.”

“Do you realize I now have to fabricate a believable story as to why Caracalla didn’t deserve a trial like the rest of them?”

“Yes." Tiberius looked to the ground with his one good eye. "Just tell them Geta killed him.”

“Contrary to popular belief, that’s unlikely.”

“They don’t know that.”

“My people do.”

“Then tell them he killed himself. Out of despair after being defeated.” Lucius shook his head. These were all weak suggestions and he was starting to get frustrated. To his relief he spotted Ravi in the adjacient room of the healing quarters and made his way over to him.

"A word Ravi?" He pleaded in a low voice. Ravi nodded and took him to the back. Lucius explained his dilemma.

“Caracalla didn’t have long to live anyway, Lucius." Ravi comforted him. "He has been seriously ill both mentally and physically for quite some time now. The signs were already severe, the people know. Tell them he simply didn’t make it.”

Lucius listened in silence, then nodded. “Okay. I'll think about it.”

As he left, he wondered how Geta would react to the news of his brother’s death.

He didn’t have to wait long to find out. A few days later, Lucius overheard the guards whispering about Geta’s breakdown. They spoke in hushed tones, describing how he had become hysterical, repeatedly banging his head against a stone wall until he knocked himself unconscious.

The news left Lucius uneasy. Another dead brother would raise too many suspicions. While the majority of the populace supported him, he could not afford any more unrest or conflict.

“Send him to the healer,” Lucius ordered one of the guards. “And bring him to me after my assembly. I need to have a word with him.”

Later that evening he met with the temporay council. “I can’t have them both dead,” Lucius began the gathering. The council consisted of Ravi and two advisers far into their eighties, whose fathers had been connected to his grandfather, Marcus Aurelius.

“Why not?” Augustus, one of the advisers asked, his pen drifting above a sheet of paper.

“We need to keep the peace.”

“Who is there to corrupt the peace? The people will follow your lead.”

“If you think there is no polarization among the populace, you’re gravely mistaken.” Lucius rubbed his temples, feeling a headache coming on.

The other adviser, Marcus Caius joined in. “Who are you talking about, Lucius?”

“Well, for one, the elite. The death of both Caracalla and Geta will alienate the senators and the military leaders previously assigned to the twins—they have a vested interest in maintaining the status quo. These groups rely on the existing imperial system to preserve their power, wealth, and influence.”

"He's right," Augustus agreed. "You risk provoking various factions within the elite, who may seize this opportunity to claim power for themselves. We're on the brink of a power vacuum here."

“But we all agreed the twins are not to be trusted!” Ravi jumped in, frustration apparent in his voice. “We agreed we were to put a stop to tyranny, and the simplest way is to execute them both." He stood up from his chair, facing Lucius. "I don’t condone killing for no reason, but this is a reason. A good reason. You’ll save thousands of lives and improve the lives of thousands more.”

“Yes. But Rome is not ready!" Lucius exclaimed, slamming his hands on the table. How could they be so ignorant? How could they not see there was more than their idealistic ideals?

“What do you suggest?” Marcus asked, his tone mocking. “Keep him in our midst? Make him our friend and hope he won't get into a mood and murder us in our sleep?”

Lucius shook his head. “We’ll keep him imprisoned—but not in the dungeons." Lucius explained. "He’ll kill himself that way, if only out of spite after realizing we need him." He shook his head. "No. We’ll keep him locked up, but in one of the rooms in the east or south wing. We’ll let him acclimate, speak with him, and slowly introduce him as a symbol of peace to the elite while we begin implementing our ways. Once our reforms are set, we’ll put him on trial—a symbolic one—to show our modern way of thinking. Then we’ll exile him.”

“Exile him where?” Ravi asked.

“Somewhere he won’t be able to bother us any longer. Maybe Germania, somewhere up north.”

Ravi looked deep in thought. "I'll sleep on it." He responded after a moment. Lucius nodded. "Let's discuss this further tomorrow afternoon." He looked around the room, waiting for Augustus and Marcus to approve, then excused himself and made his way to his private chambers.

Half an hour later came a soft knock at the door.

The doors opened, and Geta stumbled in. Bandages wrapped around his head, his skin was pale and translucent, and the dark circles under his eyes had deepened. But this time, his eyes weren’t empty, they burned with rage.

Even though their last encounter had been underwhelming, Lucius braced himself, not trusting those wild, unpredictable eyes.

Geta clenched his fists, his breathing uneven.

“He’s dead?”

Lucius nodded. “Yes.”

“How?”

“I’m sure the guards told you.”

“I want to hear it from you.”

“Brain injury.” Lucius cleared his throat. “If it’s any consolation, it wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“Don’t pretend you’re not relieved.” Geta spit out. “Everything you take from me...take, take, take. First my empire, then my freedom, and now my only family.” He took a step forward. “You leave me with nothing.” He sounded almost aggrieved, as though he still couldn’t believe it. He stared at his own empty hands. Then he brought a hand to his chest, struggling to steady his breath. He took another step toward Lucius, his eyes wide, his voice breaking. “Give me back my brother,” he demanded, as though he truly believed he could ask such a thing. That the gods could rewind time or restore the dead.

“I wish I could, believe me.”

“Liar. You filthy, disgusting liar.”

Lucius frowned at the insult but responded evenly. “For political reasons, this is bad enough as it is.” He pointed at Geta’s head. “Which is why I need you to stop smashing your head against walls and risking dying by accident.”

“Who says it would be an accident?" Geta argued. "I wouldn’t have minded if I’d died this morning.”

Lucius studied him for a long moment before nodding. “I believe that.”

“Then just kill me now.”

“No. You’re of use to the system,” Lucius replied, thinking it better to be honest with him.

“I’m to be your pet?”

“If you want to call it that, fine by me, but I prefer the term ‘asset.’”

“For what?”

“Keeping the peace.”

“All you think about is yourself,” Geta hissed venomously.

The irony of those words, coming from one of the most self-indulgent, greedy twins to ever exist, made Lucius chuckle softly.

Geta simply stared at him. Lucius shook his head and stepped closer. From up close, the toll of the past few days was even more apparent. The guards had warned him, but seeing it firsthand was far worse. Geta’s hollow cheeks, frail limbs, and the way he swayed on his feet made him look like he might pass out at any moment.

“You need to eat, Geta,” Lucius said, sighing.

“What if I won’t?��

“Then I’ll have to force-feed you.”

Geta didn’t reply. Lucius let his eyes sweep over Geta’s face.

“Aren’t you glad your brother isn’t alive anymore?” he asked carefully. Then he added, “He would’ve killed you in a heartbeat if it came to it.”

Suddenly, Lucius’s left ear went numb, and his cheek burned like fire. The world around him spun and it took him a moment to realize what had happened: Geta had backhanded him so hard, he nearly lost his footing.

“Don’t you dare ever say that to me again. Ever,” Geta growled.

Lucius rubbed the side of his head, the ringing in his ear replacing the silence. He stood there for a while, processing what had just happened, breathing heavily.

He shook his head. “Don’t do that again. You’ll regret it,” he warned, his gaze sharp as he searched Geta’s eyes. “Trust me on that.”

Geta glared back, still furious, but Lucius noted the grief behind the anger. He would have to tread carefully—men with nothing left to lose were the most dangerous.

Deep down, Geta must know Caracalla would have murdered him if it came to that. But the other way around? Perhaps not. That was food for thought, Lucius concluded.

They stood in silence for a while.

“I’ll arrange a new room for you, close to mine,” Lucius finally said, after the ringing in his ear had subsided. “I’ll assign a servant to ensure you eat and take care of yourself. And I’ll check in on you personally.”

Geta looked away, the fight draining out of him, leaving only sadness in its wake.

“I hope I’m dead by the time you check on me first,” he said, his voice hollow.

“I’ll see to it that you won’t be,” Lucius replied firmly.

“Well, don’t be surprised when your useful asset is no more,” Geta muttered.

Lucius looked at him, arms crossed. He wondered if Geta was being his usual dramatic self, or if he was truly a sincerely depressed man. Given Geta’s physical state, Lucius thought it might be developing into the latter. That was not good news.

Lucius clicked his tongue, then swayed the doors open and ordered the guards to take Geta back to his cell while his new confinement was being readied.

A few days later, a spacious room in the south wing was modified to hold a prisoner in confinement. Geta was moved from his old cell.

Please let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Next part: part 3

[zany-lil-detective]

Okay, now there's been some separation and I can collect my thoughts; Bobby's death fucking sucks. I am going to miss that man so much, this was stupid. However, for the sake of argument and getting this thought out, they also killed him in a really dumb way. And even outside of Tim claiming Bobby's death is part of some search for 'realism' (though that's still very relevant), it also sucks because Bobby's a firefighter and this is way outside their normal stuff. If he'd died in a big natural disaster or in a fire, that would have made so much more sense and potentially, while still really fucking sad, would maybe be more satisfying for his character.

To me though, I really think if he had to die, it should have been cancer. Which, I am fully aware of how that sounds, but stick with me here for a sec. I understand 'oh, surprise cancer diagnosis' happens a lot in TV, and 911 has used it a good handful. However, I just feel like it would be good narratively, even in spite of the fact I actually hurt my own feelings with this one.

For one thing, it would circle back to the thing in season one where Bobby thought he had cancer and it turned out he had special donation blood. (Heck, or even the time where he was in that tunnel with the radiation and Buck got worried!) At the time he didn't care about living and even with his list of names not being completed, would have welcomed death.

Suddenly getting cancer when he has so many people to live for would be a gut punch. And, as a firefighter, lung cancer would make sense. It also means we get to see Bobby fighting for his life for the sake of his life; for wanting to live, for wanting to stick around for the people in his life, not sacrificing himself in a 'it's you or me' situation. He only has his own life to consider and he wants to live. It would also be something that could be drawn out, giving both the characters and the audience time to really sit in and process the idea of Bobby potentially being gone.

We'd get everyone being sad, and emotional, and trying to be supportive. (I feel like Ravi and Bobby would have some serious discussions and heart to hearts that would also let Ravi's character be explored.)

And then, things just don't work. Maybe the chemo takes initially but stops working, and they all have to live in the reality that Bobby probably only has so much longer to live. It would still bring Eddie and Chris back, because you bet your ass they're coming back to LA to spend Bobby's final months with him.

Heck, I'm not super focused on Buddie in this, but it could even bring Buddie together; they get their heads out of their asses, being reminded of life being fleeting but also wanting Bobby to know everything he's done for them, including bringing them together in every way that matters.

It also gives time for whoever's new captain (not Gerrard, never Gerrard) to learn to be captain with Bobby still being there to support them and help them through it and give advice.

And, it would give everyone time to prepare, but especially Athena. She's had so many things and people just suddenly ripped from her with no warning. It would still be sad and painful, but at least Athena would have some warning, would be able to say a proper goodbye to Bobby and their life together, knowing for sure he wouldn't choose to leave instead of what they did in the lab.

Again, no death would be good by any means, but if Bobby had to die, I feel like something slow like a terminal illness would give time to process, grieve, and prepare for the final blow.

[wheelinggay-stormpilotobsessed]

My personal opinions about the episode that absolutely no one has to agree with but that I'm sharing anyway:

1. They were in character.

It's been two weeks. That's about the time when the "weird stage" of grief starts settling in. This is the time where it makes perfect sense for people to be out of character anyway, which I don't think they were. This is the "I seem perfectly fine, I can still have moments of happiness but I might be triggered by the most random things and start crying all over again" time.

Buck: he was told by Bobby that the team was gonna need him. What could be more in character than him forcing himself to be strong in front of the others so that they could rely on him? Being selfless to his own detriment? Yeah, that's Buck. (He even stress baked crumpets, come on!)

Athena: throwing herself into work trying to shutter the grief and ignoring the others until she needs an intervention and then snaps? Yep, that's Athena.

Eddie: quiet and broody but almost normal acting around a character (Ravi) that he isn't as close to as Buck and therefore isn't as emotionally open with? Yeah, welcome to Eddie.

Chimney: anger outburst saying things he doesn't necessarily mean but his goal is to push people away, and then later feeling all depressive and needing someone to break him out of it and allow the vent that he desperately needed? Normal Chimney

Hen: "I need to be there for the boys"? That's such a Hen thing to say, and her sobbing right before leaving for the funeral was also very much in character.

Maddie was also very normal to me.

I don't have a good enough feel for Karen or Ravi's characters to judge whether they were in character or not.

2. The acting was incredible.

Angela and Kenny alone make this episode deserve so much more than the 1/10 review bombing that it's getting. Plus everyone was quiet and subdued and sad. I swear I could feel Eddie's sadness and exhaustion just from looking at him. Ryan's so good at subtle body language that says more than Eddie's words.

3. The baby sub plot is not mocking the fandom.

I'm sorry but that's just fucking ridiculous. It was written and shot before Lab Rats aired. They didn't air Lab Rats, wait to see the reaction, and then write and shoot an entire subplot in less than two weeks for the sole purpose of being a dick to the audience. Please be serious.

4. Yes, the baby subplot was arguably unnecessary.

Denial is the first stage. The entire point was that Athena was bottling her grief. She was ignoring funeral planning, ignoring her friends and family's concerns because she didn't want to face it because she is grieving.

The point of "the baby is actually dead" was to make her accept that she needed to be involved and start talking about the funeral. Remember how the mom was too grief stricken to plan her baby's funeral and because of that couldn't accept the loss? It wasn't trying to foreshadow Bobby not being dead. It was a plot device for acceptance. Could they have used something different, and better? Yes, sure. Absolutely they could have. But it's not an attack on the fandom, it was just a bad writing decision.

5. This isn't the Buddie show

I ship Buddie. I want Buddie to happen. But the show doesn't actually revolve around it. Yes, I wish there was a reunion scene, yes I'm sad that there wasn't one, but in the grand scheme of things, it just wasn't important enough of a scene to film. This isn't their first conversation since Bobby's death, and Eddie's back for the worst possible reason. It was never gonna be the happy reunion scene that people want.

6. What I Wish Happened:

I wish this was closer to Bobby's death than a two week time skip. I wish we had seen Eddie's reaction to learning about his death. I wish the funeral had been in the middle, not the end. I wish there hadn't been that subplot.

7. The Minnesota part was beautiful and heart wrenching and so fucking good.

A+ writing and acting.

8. I don't know how to feel about the "script leak."

Guys... It was April Fool's Day. You know, the day when you should basically believe absolutely nothing that you read/see. Also wasn't mocking the fandom either, since it was long before Bobby's death. That being said, was it necessary? Not at all. Was it kinda shitty? Yeah.

Also, like, maybe the scene is a nightmare? Maybe they're still doing it? Maybe it's Maddie's nightmare and Chim has to comfort her thus opening up his own feelings so they could talk about it together?

Regarding the promo, we have no idea what the emotional parts of the episode are gonna be about. Which is pretty normal? The promos usually focus on the disasters, on the flashy stuff, and usually not interpersonal relationships. I think this will be the Eddie moves back episode, I really do.

This fandom usually analyzes every single little moment, so maybe we all need to take a breath and just... think about the episode a little more deeply than face value?

I get why people are upset, I get why people are frustrated at the writing and are yelling at Tim. I also wish the episode had been different. But this was not a 2.2/10 episode. (IMDB rating) It just wasn't. That's so unfair to all the work the cast did, all the work the crew did. The processional scene was really cool with all the fire trucks lined up and down the street and the huge hanging flag. That wasn't easy work. They went all out for that.

This was not as bad as people are making it out to be. It really wasn't. I would personally rate it at a solid 5/10. Angela and Kenneth gave freaking Emmy worthy performances and they deserve better than review bombing.

[kyoteugly]

My issue with this 2-part emergency is that it's mediocre and not done on a scale that would feel like a proper send off... Bobby deserves better, something that shows how important he is, something to celebrate him and something that would leave us all devastated and heartbroken, but also honored to witness his final hour.

It's bad writing. Lack of meaning. Episode 15 should be about Bobby - he shouldn't be just last minute twist at the end... he's Bobby fucking Nash! He deserves better.

Imagine that at the start of the episode we see that Bobby's tube is damaged. We don't know if he noticed it. But by the way he talks with Chim and Hen and Ravi, seemingly about the situation they're in, but he sneaks his fatherly love into those conversations - that tells us that he knows. He fucking knows he's dying and he's saying goodbye to them. And they don't know it!!! 

How fucking emotional that would be?! They would remember every single word, it would haunt them, it would mean so much, it could set up every character into future arcs... and it would make the whole episode about Bobby. He would say his goodbye to each of them but also leave something behind, some sort of legacy those characters would carry on into the new season...

But most importantly we would cry our eyes out, we would feel that this is it, Bobby is really leaving... and maybe in some way it would feel like a farewell to us, fans...

Yeah, but no, all Bobby deserved was 7 minutes (even less than that)... 

Bobby fucking Nash sacrificed himself in a mediocre 2-part emergency and all he got was 7 minutes of screen time to say his last words.

I can accept his death, but this?! This is not how you kill such an amazing character with such difficult and amazing backstory... and I don't mean that he sacrificed himself, no. This part is perfect, this part is very much Bobby, but making his death a twist for a shock value takes away the meaning of his death.

And yeah, I know, it wasn't a twist because of the fucking leak, but imagine if the show actually cared and we wouldn't know about the funeral. With the thing I wrote above, this episode would hit hard. For 40 minutes we would watch him making his peace and we would howl and bargain and beg... 

Instead... we were never scared about Chim's safety... we were just waiting for Bobby part... we were waiting for 118 reactions, which were all in fucking promo... jesus, even this should be a secret... it took away so much from the actual scenes. We had the whole week to watch Buck, Hen and Chim cry their souls out. And I thought those were only the glimpses of their despair... but no... that was it... we didn't hear Chimney bargain, didn't hear Hen losing her breath, didn't hear Buck howl like a banshee... no... we got a fucking music video with the same short shots of their pain... waste...

So that's why I'm pissed off... The plot of the episodes could stay the same, the ending with Buck and Athena also... the only thing I would change were the scenes in the lab... Bobby is more than a fucking plot twist...

Is? Was? Hell, I don't know... part of me thinks he's not really dead...

The only thing that convinces me it's true is Peter's goodbye letter... 

Guess we will find out in 2 weeks

And Eddie? - fuck, don't even start... 

Again, part of me gets it... to have one character who experienced it differently, but for fuck sake it feels so wrong to exclude him so completely... not even a phone call? Really? Nothing? This breaks my heart even more than Bobby's death. Yeah, fuck, sue me...

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏

Please and thank you!!! ❤️🩷❤️🩷

Thank you!

120 for 🍎:

---

Buck heads to the locker room to change, then walks up the stairs to find Bobby. 

“Morning, Buck,” Bobby says as Buck approaches.

“Hey,” Buck smiles a little awkwardly. “Good morning.”

“Do you want to talk in my office before we get started?” Bobby suggests.

“Good idea,” Buck nods. 

He follows Bobby back down the stairs, into the office, where Bobby shuts the door gently. Buck has the feeling perhaps they should have figured this out before they got here. 

“Maybe we should have talked about this on the drive,” Bobby says, reading Buck’s mind. 

“Slight oversight,” Buck admits. 

“I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable working today,” Bobby says.

Buck nods. “I, uh, I’d like work to be the same, you know?”

“Me too,” Bobby insists. “Work doesn’t have to change.”

“Cool,” Buck exhales. “Thank you. Uh, what are we telling people? Chim knows.”

“Chim knows?” Bobby echoes.

Shit. Was he not supposed to tell?

“Uh, yeah. Sorry. I mean, I had to tell Maddie, so…”

“Right,” Bobby nods. “Of course. Uh, well, maybe let me tell Hen? And then… I guess, whatever you’re comfortable with?”

Whatever he’s comfortable with? That’s hard. Half of him wants to wear a pin. Look at me, I’m related to that guy. Like a badge of fucking honor. On the other hand, he doesn’t want to complicate things. He doesn’t want people to accuse nepotism, like Chim had already joked. With Chim, it’s a joke. Coming from another person, maybe not. 

“If people find out, will I have to leave the 118?” Buck asks. That’s the last thing he wants. 

Bobby frowns. “I don’t think so. There’s a recommendation against family members serving on the same rig, but… It’s not a mandate.” 

Buck nods. “Okay, so maybe… I mean, I don’t want to hide it, but…”

“We don’t draw extra attention to it?” Bobby fills in.

Buck nods. “I just don’t want to not be able to work here. Uh, again.”

“I understand,” Bobby says. “Yeah, that’s probably the most professional course of action.”

Professional. A lot of that word is being used today. 

“Thanks, Bobby,” Buck smiles. “I appreciate it.”

It’s sort of stiff. There’s still a weird, awkward wall between them. Buck just thinks they need to get through the shift. 

🍎

It’s a little weirder than Bobby thought it would be, working with Buck again. Nothing has even changed, from a work front. He promised Buck nothing will change. Really, that should be an easy promise to keep. Because their relation to one another doesn’t change how they work. 

At least, it doesn’t seem to be changing how Buck is working. On every call, he’s just as he normally would be. Which is to say, great as his job, and much better at taking instruction than he was when he started. Bobby never has to worry about Buck anymore. Not like he used to. He stopped taking unnecessary risks a few years back, and has been nothing short of exemplary ever since. He’s no different today. 

So why does Bobby feel different?

He’s second guessing himself. His instincts are conflicting, and he doesn’t know why. They have a dangerous rescue. A house fire. Buck is the best person for a challenging task, because of… Well, just because he is. He’s better at the physically demanding stuff than anyone, and more experienced than Ravi, and it really should be a no brainer. But it’s not. Something in Bobby’s brain, a tiny little voice, says send someone else. Just in case. Just in case it goes the other way. 

This is a problem. Bobby can’t work like this. That is compromised thinking. He can’t be a captain of a team if he acts like this. Maybe it’s because it’s a fire. It’s his son and it’s a fire, and nothing has changed, but something has, right? Something is different, because he could make another decision that… 

Yeah, compromised thinking. 

He sends Buck on the rescue. No one bats an eye. Buck is completely fine. Bobby holds his breath the whole time.

He needs to get over this. It’s like after Buck’s embolism, but worse. And nothing has even actually happened. He can’t break his promise to Buck. That’s a terrible way to kick off this effort they’re making. Bobby needs to power through it. It’s just because it’s new, right? Surely, it’ll even out, and Bobby will remember that this is still Buck; a competent firefighter who he trusts with dangerous work.  Well, it’s not Buck Bobby is having trouble trusting. It’s the work. It’s himself.

---

120 for 🤏:

---

As if signalling to Eddie that this is all okay, Buck tightens his grip around Eddie. So Eddie just does it. He turns fully into Buck. He lets his leg hitch up over Buck’s. Lets his body sink into the sensation. 

Buck just keeps reading. 

“That includes pet dogs and cats – in which experts say allergies are on the rise – but also everything from rhinoceroses, bats, dolphins to chimpanzees and rhesus monkeys…”

And Eddie, completely at ease for the first time in ages, drifts off to sleep. 

iii. 

The next morning, Eddie wakes in the same position as when he fell asleep. He seriously doesn’t seem to have moved a muscle. Buck, on the other hand, certainly has. He’s rolled onto his side, towards Eddie, so the two of them are laying face to face. Eddie is sort of engulfed in him. He feels small, strangely. Not in a bad way. 

It’s a really comfortable way to wake up. Warm and cozy. Safe. Eddie likes this quite a lot. 

There’s only one problem. One sort of incredibly awkward problem. Or, maybe two. Eddie’s not sure how to count it. 

They’re both fully erect and pressing into each other. Just enough for it to feel a dangerous sort of good. 

Now, Eddie does his best not to panic about this. Really, he does. He understands that this a natural thing that happens to the human body, and that it’s not a statement about anything at all. He doesn’t need to read into this. Right? Except, maybe it’s sort of hard not to read into it, when he’s just had one of the best sleeps of his life wrapped in his best friend’s arms. That feels like something that maybe does require some examination. 

The thing is, Eddie doesn’t do this with men. He’s never done this sort of thing with a friend. He’s also never had a friend like Buck, so, is that really comparable? He’s never had anyone like Buck, who makes him feel safe to be vulnerable and ask for help and… And be who he is, he supposes. He’s always tried to anticipate who he needs to be. He knows he doesn’t have to do that with Buck and… 

And that means, maybe, that he’s the most himself when he’s with Buck. 

Eddie doesn’t know what that means, exactly. But it doesn’t mean nothing. 

Eddie opens his eyes. His face is tucked under Buck’s chin. From the rhythm of Buck’s breathing, he’s still asleep. 

That’s good or bad. Good if Eddie wants to quietly pretend this isn’t happening. Bad if he doesn’t. Eddie still isn’t sure what he wants to do. Well, okay. His body is actually very sure. But it’s kind of saying the exact opposite of what his mind thought was true, so he’s at an impasse. 

Eddie entertains the outcome of both scenarios. If he tries to slip away, letting Buck sleep, there are two likely possibilities. One, he’s successful, goes and beats one out in the shower, and feels weird the rest of the day. Two, he wakes Buck, and they have a very awkward, bumbling time trying to reassure each other that everything is cool. Normal. Happens to everyone! 

It doesn’t. Eddie knows it doesn’t.

If Eddie doesn’t try to ignore this… Doesn’t try to pretend it’s not happening, then what? 

Then he has to face some sort of sexuality question that he doesn’t exactly have mental space for. Then he potentially puts Buck in an uncomfortable position of having to reject his advances. Although, would he? Not that Eddie is being, like, conceited or anything. Just… From everything between him and Buck, would Buck reject him? 

No. 

No. He wouldn’t. He won’t.

Tentatively, Eddie lets him imagine where this would go. Because he should know, before he does anything. He should be sure. None of this is fair if he isn’t sure it’s something he wants to do.

He imagines waking Buck. He imagines kissing him. Grinding harder against him until the stimulation is just too much to bear. He imagines Buck touching him. Holding him down while he touches him. 

Eddie’s body reacts to this train of thought more strongly than he’d anticipated. He takes a shuddering breath, inhaling Buck’s scent, as his dick absolutely begs for attention. Inadvertently, Eddie lets out a little moan in the back of his throat, hips jerking a little towards Buck. Buck’s breath hitches. 

Fuck.

Oh, fuck. 

“Eddie?” Buck murmurs, voice low and raspy. 

Eddie has poked the sleeping bear, or whatever the expression is. A very horny sleeping bear. He’s not sure what to say. He’s not sure how to explain himself. 

Instead of coming up with something passable, his brain seems to be utterly blank.

“Please,” is all it manages to transmit to his brain. Like a fucking beggar.

Buck lets out a surprised breath. He shifts, rolling and positioning himself above Eddie a little, looking down at him with a very intense look in his eyes. Holy shit. Eddie feels himself salivate a little. What the fuck? Can’t say that’s a reaction he’s used to in this sort of, uh, situation. 

“Eddie?” Buck asks again. 

“Yeah?” Eddie breathes. 

“You’re sure?” Buck asks. There’s a dammed sort of hunger in his eyes. Like, if Eddie says yes, it cracks, and Buck bursts. 

Eddie wants that. Eddie wants to see that.

[unsaidace]

Honestly, the Eddie stans really are the issue at this point. Between making everything about him (even in episode thirteen, they were making it all about him instead of focusing on Hen as well), to complaining that he's not there or that Tommy dares to have one or two scenes, to them constantly screeching about Gay Eddie and queerbaiting, etc. They've also proven how little they care about Buck, actually, because when people were speculating Tommy comforting Buck in episode fifteen, they were pissed at the mere idea of Buck receiving comfort from someone who isn't their fave. At this point, I think he's either going to be gone by season nine or his role is going to be even more scaled down. Especially with Ravi becoming such a big part of the team and really building up the BuckRavi teammate duo/friendship.

They’ve been royally pissing me off all season, but especially since Eddie moved to Texas. Like, I’m sorry the world doesn’t revolve around your pookie, besties, but there is quite literally nothing anyone here can do about that. We don’t write the fucking show. I don’t even like Eddie and I have issues with how he’s been written, but your complaints all sound like issues your favourite journalists should’ve been raising with Tim literally any time they got an interview with him.

As for the way they treat the rest of the cast/characters…I’m at the point now where every time they open their mouths, I’m just like okay, so you hate every other character on this show, got it. They couldn’t be more obvious about their disdain for anyone who isn’t Eddie if they tried. I’m 100% of the belief that Ryan is either leaving or dropping down to recurring at the end of this season, and honestly? I can’t wait, because hopefully him leaving means his gaggle of conspiracy theorist tweens will leave with him.

[notashadowbutawave]

okay i'm supposed to be working but, here are my thoughts on 8x11 Holy Mother of God

firstly

i said i just wanted a good Bobby plot and idk??? Lesley Ann Warren was ON One (complimentary) but I do not think Bobby's mother deserved a kind of unconditional forgiveness for how Bobby's childhood played out. when Bobby called her out in her hotel room I was like YES GET HER and i think what i wanted specifically was maybe for Bobby to reconcile with his brother but recognize that reconciliation with his mother will be incomplete even if they end up back on speaking terms and that would have rung more true to me. this show has a long history of doing very forced parental reconciliations, even if they do kind of walk them back a bit later (SEE BUCK & TOMMY'S CONVO ABOUT BOBBY BEING "THE FATHER [BUCK] NEVER HAD "BUT YOUR FATHER'S ALIVE"), and I'm wondering if both FOX and ABC have provided guidance at the network level that parental reconciliation is required in some way for these scripts even if they don't hang their hats narratively on those relationships. like i should have seen it coming but. whatever. peter and angela are delightful. i'll allow it

okay but----

I don't think ANY of the interviews about this season have misled us in any way. it's simply not that deep. the show does what it says on the tin. Tim Minear is objectively a dumbass and probably not a very good showrunner and I think the writers' room is succeeding at advancing certain plots and character development in spite of him. everything he says is completely incoherent but not deliberately, I don't think, misleading. for the sake of scholarship, read what, say, Rolin Jones says about AMC IWTV or something, and then go back to a Tim interview. these are not people on the same level. also IWTV is good and on cable and films their whole season before they release. the network TV production schedule and State Censorship requirements, combined with MANY recent events (ex. last year's dual WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes, the LA fires, gestures the united states of bottomless despair)… i think a lot of things contribute to this season being disjointed in its vision and execution and SOME OF THESE THINGS ARE TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE AND NOT WORTH BEING MAD ABOUT. i honestly don't know how much juice this show has left (please feel free to reach out to me privately if you want to read my essay about the show's inextricable link to the soul of this cursed country, which is also going down like the titanic) but they're giving us bucktommy and it is doing exactly what it says on the tin. the text is the fucking show.

but moving on to the MEAT, the DISCOURSE, the FLESH, THE CONTENT

i don't buy that buck was hazing ravi like he was a shitty little brother. where does that come from. i think the writing was just trying to establish that Buck is still a fucking mess because he's clinging to Ravi like "if I don't talk to someone new about my feelings rn i will literally fucking die" instead of like actually trying to be Ravi's friend.

king shit by Ravi to bring Tommy over to Buck and leave him there. and an incredible fit. that shirt and those gently pleated trousers? i say this with love to Oliver and Lou and Kenny and Peter and Ryan and everyone but Anirudh Pisharody is the best looking man on this show. if i look at him too long i start drooling. sorry Anirudh.

but what i mean to say is that Ravi was right to do what he did. "Please take care of your tipsy ex, I've already worked beyond my shift. please fuck it out of him. i can't take it anymore. i need rest. yes, i know, twist your arm man, but if that's what it takes. he's gonna need that dick to touch his brain stem"

THIS IS WHAT THE NARRATIVE HAS SHOCKINGLY CONSISTENTLY ESTABLISHED… that Tommy saw Buck and Eddie together, saw Buck realize his sexuality, and simply thought his days with Buck were numbered because he would realize he was actually in love with Eddie, because they already had such a deep connection. IRONICALLY, THIS SITUATES BUCK AND TOMMY WITH THE MOST EQUAL FOOTING THEY'VE EVER BEEN ON. THEY BOTH HAVE HAD PARALLEL DUAL FUCK UPS. ALL THAT IS NEEDED IS FOR THEM TO TALK IT OUT.

to wit:

Buck was uncomfortable with his queerness and with being with Tommy, was desperate to make Tommy not leave him and skipped all the steps to get to that point, the deepening of their relationship, the hard conversations. notice how EVERY TIME Tommy brought up something he was feeling during the first six months of their relationship, Buck didn't directly address it, shuffled into jokes or "uh yeah obviously, DUH." See: their conversation about fathers, Tommy talking about wanting a family like the 118 (who all completely ditched him when he dumped Buck, not even checking in with him to hear his side!). Buck tried to speedrun the whole fucking thing. and then asked Tommy to move in with him. Tommy freaked out and broke up with him. and Buck couldn't move on. Couldn't. he knew there was something special there, something that couldn't be replicated. He reacted badly. They both reacted badly.

Tommy consistently had this insecurity… that Buck is actually in love with Eddie, or at least that he wasn't ready to be with Tommy, because Buck wasn't taking those steps towards deepening their emotional intimacy. He intentionally injured Eddie, probably never shut up about Eddie and Chris the whole time they were dating because he has no filter, and then MOVED INTO EDDIE'S HOUSE. I think Buck was shocked by this revelation that Tommy had had this brewing in the back of his head the whole time, because to him, this is just what you do - if there's something you can do to help your best friend, you do it, with no strings attached. Tommy was out of pocket and it cut Buck deeper than he could have been prepared for.

BUCK HAS NEVER HAD A FUNCTIONING CLOSE ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP. AND WHAT WE ARE SEEING WITH THESE SCENES IS THAT TOMMY PROBABLY HASN'T HAD A FUNCTIONING CLOSE PLATONIC FRIENDSHIP OR FRANKLY RELATIONSHIP OF ANY KIND THAT WASN'T FULLY MEDIATED THROUGH HIS DEEP INSECURITY THAT HE ISN'T ACTUALLY WHAT THE OTHER PERSON WANTS. we have two specific examples of this in the narrative: Abby (with whom he tried, but was closeted, and he's a self-described Kinsey 6), and his own father, with whom he doesn't even talk. and we have the 118, who lost touch with him after he went to Harbor, reconnected with him when he started dating Buck, but he was only ever "Buck's boyfriend" and apparently his inclusion in the group was totally conditional. Tommy has never been the person someone else wanted. He has no idea how to believe that he is the person Buck wants. So he reacted badly. They both reacted badly.

This isn't to say they're "even" but for the purposes of the narrative, they are both poised on the edge of reconciliation and admitting these issues to each other and actually talking about them. Everyone said they were doing a romcom. And you don't do a romcom without a happily ever after, but multiple speed bumps are needed to get to that point. Meet cute to first kiss to first stumble (the aborted first date) to second stumble (the breakup) to third stumble (the smoking hot false restart). it is so endgame shaped it might defy the laws of physics.

(never in my life have i seen a show's writers have to completely dismiss a fanon ship in the script because certain elements of the fandom had become so unbalanced that it had started to interfere with their ability to work lmao - like i'm not laughing really because it's kind of upsetting but i am also laughing because Oliver's delivery of those lines was sending me. such conviction)

(like everyone else, i need to write porn about everything that happens after the shirt pull, not like i have a bunch of other WIPs or anything)

im whatever, they are feeding us, we are eating at god's most perfect table. bless us lou and every one

[alchemistc]

Just gonna say from the top I have not been paying much attention to 9-1-1 spoilers or spec so I'm coming at this from a place of Lou posted a rooftop pic around the same time there was bts of 9-1-1 filming on a rooftop. I know nothing else. I also haven't watched past 8x6 so 🤷‍♀️

something in the orange

Buck has never really been one for a lot of quiet introspection. He's done the therapy, worked at it, worked on himself - but at the end of the day his downtime typically means he's got a book in hand, a Substack to dive into, his phone open to distract his brain long enough for his body to relax. He doesn't do quiet time. He needs to have something to do with his hands, needs his eyes focused on something other than a horizon line.

He's at the tail-end of a q-word shift and Ravi's already inventoried half the station, there hasn't been anything to clean for at least an hour, and it's not like he can go bug Eddie to keep himself occupied.

(And that's a train of thought better left for the scones he's gonna bake tonight, even if Eddie's kitchen is laid out terribly for baking.)

The sunset is gorgeous.

It's not - quiet, exactly. You don't really get quiet, in LA, at any time of the day or night, but it's calm. Peaceful. Traffic runs smoothly, for a given value of smooth, down below. There's a soft breeze. The sun has warmed the rooftops of the city all day, and that extra hour baked them well, so even as it sets the gravel beneath his feet radiates just the right amount of heat.

Buck tilts his head back to watch a fluffy cloud drift across the sky, and takes stock.

He's a fucking mess, but that seems to be beside the point, right now.

Chris is pissed at Eddie but reluctantly speaking to him, and it seems like maybe there's something going on with Eddie's mom but it's not like Eddie comes to him until -

Nope.

Maddie's recovering, and the baby is fine. She'll scar, though, and Buck doesn't quite know how to reconcile that. She's been bruised, bloody, terrified, mad as hell, out of her mind and settling back into it but there's never been lasting physical evidence before and he's -

Making it all about himself, again.

Bobby and Athena are circling in on a place to live, finally, and he's happy for them, ecstatic, can't wait to watch Bobby man a grill again and have everyone - well, mostly everyone -

New line of thought, actually.

Chim seems to be holding it together extraordinarily well, considering, but Buck's not entirely sure he'd know otherwise: he's got Hen for that.

Must be nice, he thinks, and then immediately slams a foot down in an attempt to not be such a selfish, miserable bastard.

Two nights ago he'd watched Taylor Kelly do a special news report covering the wildfire recovery efforts, and she'd looked good - beautiful, healthy, with that fire behind her eyes when a story has some juice to it. And he'd watched, start to finish, and he'd selfishly wondered if she ever actually thought about him, other than an aside about the guy who'd kissed another woman and then railroaded her into living with him.

And he never knows what the hell is going on with Ravi but apparently he bought another block of condos.

So it's like -

It's just -

He's so fucking lonely.

It's not a new feeling, exactly. He's been on his own for a lot of his life. Always latching on to whoever holds eye contact long enough for him to start an info-dump. But all of his people are reaching all of these milestones, or dealing with their own shit, and even though he's made an attempt, the casual hookups just aren't doing much in the department of letting Buck unload all of his issues like he wants.

Which is why everyone ends up leaving, apparently. He takes too much, demands too much, makes things about himself, and it's not the first time he's had to square up with that but it still fucking hurts. He still doesn't know how to fix it.

Gold melts across the skyline as the sun dips low low low, and the door to the roof opens up, and Buck tips his head back again. Closes his eyes and tries to place the footfalls making their way across to him. Feels his chest tighten around the face that materializes behind his eyes and swallows it back, because that isn't happening.

He keeps his eyes closed and enjoys the last streak of heat as the sun dips below the horizon.

Gravel crunches just behind him.

"Hey," says a voice, soft and warm and always just a little surprisingly pitchy for the barrel of a chest it's coming out of.

When he blinks his eyes back open he's greeted with the underside of Tommy Kinard's chin. In the fading light the dip of his cleft is more pronounced, and his hair has streaks of pink in the barrel of the curl, light bouncing off the clouds and making a home on Tommy's crown, and Buck has to bite back the urge to shove out of his chair and tuck his whole body into the circle of his arms. They're not - this isn't -

Tommy's hand drops, warm and huge and comforting in a way Buck always leaned into like a cat, to the dip of Buck's shoulder.

He can't really find any words. He's had - so fucking many words, things he wants to say, things he wants someone to hear, but now they're all stuck in his throat or lost to the breeze kicking up around him.

God, Buck has missed him.

Tommy's eyes dart back and forth across his face, jaw tight as he takes in the sight, his posture all sorts of uncomfortable, and Buck just wants -

Just five minutes. Just. Enough time to watch the pinks fade to purple and blue. He tips his head back just enough that his skull meets the give of Tommy's stomach, and Tommy's hand squeezes.

They watch the sky streak with color and fade, and Buck thinks: if this is it, at least it's a softer landing than he'd had before.

[inawickedlittletown]

We've Got A Long Way To Go - Bonus Scenes

Note: Here they are….three bonus scenes from my latest fic. The whole fic is complete and I just posted the epilogue a little while ago. You can find the first chapter here or on Ao3 I have since writing these lost track of where in the fic they were supposed to go. They sat at the bottom of my document for ages and I just couldn't fit them anywhere, but now you get to read them too. Enjoy.

-

Scene One:

Lucas’ eyes were wide as he took in the fire engine. Buck smiled to himself. When Bobby had mentioned Buck joining them for lunch at the station, Buck had jumped at the chance and figured it’d be nice for Lucas to see where Buck worked.  

“This is where I work, Lucas,” Buck said. 

“Work?” Lucas asked. 

“Yeah. My job. I’m a firefighter.” 

“Oh,” Lucas said like he understood even though he probably didn’t and wouldn’t unless he saw Buck in full turn outs. 

“Twuck,” Lucas said, pointing at the fire engine. Buck decided to ignore how Lucas saying twuck with his toddler lisp made it almost sound like fuck. 

“Maybe I’ll show you inside after lunch, kiddo,” Buck said. 

As he walked past his coworkers he got smiles and waves and cooing at Lucas who was as ever the friendliest kid, waving at everyone that said hi. 

“The famous Lucas,” Ravi said when they ran into him. “Hi, Lucas. How are you?” 

Addressed by name by someone he hadn’t yet met made Lucas hide his face on Buck’s shoulder before he peeked out again. 

“Lucas, this is my friend Ravi. Want to say hi?”

“Hi,” Lucas said. 

Ravi chuckled. “Don’t worry, little man, I can be shy too. Good to see you, Buck.” 

“You too.” 

When he got up the stairs, he found Chim flipping through the channels on the tv and Hen reading a book. Hen put her book down at once. 

“Oh, there he is,” she said. “I need my Lucas cuddles.” 

Buck passed him over easily and Lucas was hugging and giggling with Hen almost at once, his hands exploring her uniform with interest. 

Buck hadn’t been back at the station since getting the call to the hospital. Bobby had taken care of all his paperwork to get him leave and Buck had been busy ever since. He had a few more weeks left of his leave and a big part of Buck was dreading what it would mean when he and Lucas weren’t together 24/7, but at the same time he missed his job. He missed being a part of the team and he missed helping people. Maddie had already taken care of getting Lucas a spot at the daycare Jee-Yun went to and Buck was going to start easing him into it soon starting with his and Tommy’s next therapy session. 

Lucas seemed happy enough with Hen and Chim, with a few of the others going over to meet him, so he walked to where Bobby was in the kitchen. Actually being at the station made him realize that he had definitely been missing it. He felt weird not being in uniform like the rest of them. 

“Hey, need any help?” 

“No. Just fixing up the salad,” Bobby said. “Sit. Relax. I’m sure Lucas had you running around all morning.” 

“He has a lot of energy,” Buck admitted. “We’ve been up since around five.” 

Bobby chuckled. 

“I’ll probably need a nap more than he does if I’m honest,” Buck said. 

“Well, I’m glad you decided to stop by. I’ve been trying to get out of the house more. We went and fed ducks peas yesterday. Tommy wants to take him to the beach tomorrow.” 

He helped Bobby move all the food to the table. Chim opted to keep Lucas on his lap while they ate, feeding him off his own plate in a practiced way that reminded Buck that Chim had at one point done the parenting thing on his own when Jee-Yun was younger than Lucas. Buck got caught up with everyone and got to hear about the calls he’d missed out on over the last few weeks. He really couldn’t wait to get back to work. 

When lunch was over he hung out for a little longer. Lucas had warmed up to Ravi some and Ravi was making faces at him that made him giggle until Bobby announced he was taking his grandson on a tour of the trucks before he put them back online. 

Buck followed them, but watched as Bobby took Lucas around the whole ladder truck, showing him the Captain’s seat and the hoses and even the sirens. Lucas looked in awe. 

“Future firefighter right there,” Chim said. 

“Hey, maybe,” Buck said. “Who knows, but he can be whatever and whoever he wants to be.” 

Still, he was thinking that come Halloween he might have to float the idea of him dressing up as a firefighter just for the sheer cuteness of it. The idea of Lucas in tiny turnouts with a tiny hat would absolutely do Buck in.

--

Scene Two:

Tommy got down from the helicopter, his phone already out. He sent Evan his usual text letting him know he was back down on the ground. 

“You’ve gotten so much more smiley in the last few weeks,” Lucy said. “Isn’t he just downright, cheery, Soph?” 

Soph shrugged her shoulders. “He’s not as grumpy anymore.” 

“It’s because he’s not being dumb anymore and made up with Buck. When are you moving in with him?” 

Tommy walked away from Lucy. “I know about the bet so unless you’re willing to split what you win, I’m keeping that information to myself.” 

Not that Tommy knew when it would happen. Evan had hardly been living at the house for a month and maybe Tommy did spend a lot of time there, but it wasn’t as much as everyone probably thought. It was just that they wouldn’t be wrong in assuming that nights spent at his own house left him feeling a whole lot of longing to be with Evan and Lucas. 

He had a couple more hours on shift and Tommy was glad for once that they weren’t sent out again on a call. Since there was nothing else pressing for his attention, he spent the whole time reading the latest book that Karen had recommended to him. Legends and Lattes. It was the type of book that Tommy wouldn’t have picked up on his own, but he loved it. It was after he’d gotten up to get changed out of his flight suit that he heard Evan’s voice alongside Lucy’s. 

Then, little feet were running and Tommy had just enough time to crouch down and be there to welcome Lucas into his arms. 

“Tommy!” Lucas said. 

“Hi, Lucas, what are you doing here?” 

Tommy wrapped his arms around him and stood up. Lucas hugged his arms closer around his neck and gave a sniffle that made Tommy look at him a little closer. He’d been crying.

Evan, when he came into view, looked more than a little harried. “Hey,” he said. “He was asking for you and we were close by so—”

“What happened?” Tommy asked, running a hand over Lucas’ back. 

“Well, he got mad at me this morning because his favorite t-shirt is dirty. Then we went to the grocery store and he wasn’t happy there either.” Evan grimaced which told Tommy that it was worse than he was saying. “Then, we got back home and he kept looking around the house and when I asked him he said he wanted you.” 

Evan shrugged. He looked exhausted. 

Tommy might have tightened his hold on Lucas. “Are you having a bad day, sweet boy?”

Lucas didn’t say a thing. Tommy reached over to push his hair out of his eyes. It had grown out a bit and kept falling in his eyes. Maybe it was even time for a haircut soon. His hand paused at Lucas’ temple. 

“Hey, Evan, he feels a little warm.” 

“He does?” Evan asked, panic already settling in his eyes. He moved closer, his hand replacing Tommy’s on Lucas’ forehead. “He does. Maybe he’s getting sick?” 

“Possible,” Tommy said. 

Evan sighed. “He did give me a hard time with lunch, but he was fine this morning. Can we—”

“Already on it,” Lucy said, appearing with a thermometer. 

It was definitely higher than it should be, but they had no reason to worry yet. Evan was already fretting. 

“How about you call Maddie or Hen,” Tommy suggested. “Get their suggestions on what to do.” 

Evan nodded immediately and pulled out his phone. Tommy meanwhile bounced Lucas a little. 

“Hey, kiddo, do you feel okay?” 

Lucas didn’t answer, but he was leaning his head on Tommy like he would fall asleep at any moment which was probably a good thing. Tommy had never dealt with a sick child before, but he did think that giving him some comfort would help. 

Evan returned to him. 

“Maddie says we shouldn’t worry but to keep checking his temperature and try giving him children’s tylenol.” 

“Sounds like a plan,” Tommy said. 

It was a long night. Lucas didn’t like the medicine, but he was convinced to take it eventually. Lucas was not himself at all. All of his energy was gone and he seemed to only want to be in Tommy’s or Evan’s arms, getting whiny and upset if one of them wasn’t with him. When he did fall asleep it was right on Evan’s chest. 

“I hate seeing him like this,” Tommy said. 

“I feel so helpless,” Evan admitted. 

“Yeah, me too.” 

It took Lucas a few days to get back to his usual self, but he was clingy the whole time, to the point where he cried and cried when Tommy had to leave for work. As if he hadn’t felt guilty enough already at having to leave them. He almost called into work to let them know he wasn’t making it in, but Evan sent him on his way. 

“Go. We’ll be okay. I think it’s a Bluey marathon for us and Bobby said he’ll stop by with soup.”

“You’ll text me if you need anything?” 

“Yes. Go. Be safe.” 

That shift felt longer than others, but Evan kept him updated with pictures. Lucas playing with his toys and Lucas eating soup. Lucas and Evan cuddling. Lucas with Bobby. He was happy to return to a more animated Lucas who demanded Tommy play with him. 

--

Scene Three:

Buck woke up with a start. He was sprawled out over Tommy’s chest, Tommy’s arm around his waist, their legs tangled. Tommy slept on, breathing steadily, but Buck had no idea what had woken him until he heard the clap of thunder and a whimper from the baby monitor. Lucas. 

Buck moved slowly out of Tommy’s arms.

“What—” Tommy asked, half asleep. 

“Be right back,” Buck whispered.

He didn’t bother to put on a t-shirt so in just pajama pants, he walked quickly to Lucas’ room.

Buck didn’t turn on the light in the room, but left the door wide open to allow the hall light in. The nightlight carousel turned and lit up the walls too and it was enough light for Buck see with. He crossed the room to Lucas’ new bed. Hen had been right about Lucas being more excited to have a big boy bed to keep trying to sleep in Buck’s bed. It still did happen, but not as often. 

Lucas was crying silent tears, whimpers escaping his lips. He’d tangled his legs in his blanket and he was still asleep until the next moment when it thundered again and he cried out, sitting up. 

“Mama! Dada!” 

It had been a little while since he’d heard Lucas try and call for his parents. The child therapist he’d taken Lucas to had told him it’d be perfectly normal for Lucas to ask for them and for him to need Buck to explain that they were gone. Buck had been encouraged to talk about them and give Lucas a way to express how much he missed them. He’d also been told that Lucas was adjusting well and that was something that Buck was very happy to hear. 

“Lucas,” Buck said. “Hey, buddy, are you okay?” 

“Efan,” Lucas said and whimpered, reaching up to him. 

Buck lifted him, untangling the blanket and dropping it back onto the bed. Lucas wrapped his arms around Buck’s neck and he was crying, his sobs not too loud but present. His little body shook. 

“What happened, kiddo?” 

“Scary,” Lucas said.

Thunder rolled over them again with another loud clap. Rain was falling steadily on the windows. Lucas shivered and hid his face in Buck’s chest. Buck rubbed his back and took him over to the rocking chair. 

“You’re scared of the storm?” Buck asked as he sat and rocked them. 

He felt Lucas nod. 

Buck could relate. Things had gotten better and it helped that LA was nearly always sunny, but for a time after he was struck by lightning storms had freaked him out a little. He was over it, but there were still moments especially when he was on a call in the rain, where Buck needed to remind himself that he’d be fine. Flying into a hurricane had kinda fixed that for him, but he didn’t think that it was advisable to help Lucas in the same way even if they did have an excellent pilot sleeping in the next room. 

Through the window, Buck saw lighting light up the dark sky. 

“I know they’re scary and loud,” Buck said. “But you want to know a secret?” 

“What?” He wasn’t really crying anymore, but he did look worried. 

Buck smiled at him. “I’m a little scared too.”

He didn’t even try to put Lucas back in his bed, instead taking him back to his room. Tommy had rolled over a bit onto Buck’s side, but once Buck sat on the edge and put Lucas next to him, Tommy moved and allowed Lucas to snuggle into him. 

“Hmm, what do I have here? A little monster? Maybe a puppy? A teddy bear?” Tommy asked, voice raspy with sleep. 

“It’s me, Tommy,” Lucas said. 

Buck climbed back into the bed, settled himself close to Lucas. 

“Oh, even better,” Tommy said, kissing Lucas’ cheek. 

The storm thundered again. Lucas squeaked and buried his face in Tommy’s neck. 

“He’s scared of thunderstorms,” Buck supplied as if it weren’t obvious.

There hadn’t been a thunderstorm, or for that matter rain, even once since Lucas had come into Buck’s life. Buck reached for his phone, checking his weather app for an estimate on when the storm was likely to end. Soon, it seemed like. Buck turned back to Tommy and Lucas. Lucas seemed to have calmed down plenty since getting into Buck’s bed, but he still reached a hand out towards Buck, so he moved closer. 

The storm had already started slowing into just rain, the rhythmic sound soothing. Buck kept his eyes on Lucas and saw as his breathing got steady and slow. 

“He’s out,” Tommy whispered. “Poor little guy.” 

Buck, on the other hand, couldn’t fall asleep. He was suddenly wide awake. 

“Evan?” 

“I’m not that fond of storms either,” he admitted. “Seeing him scared reminded me of it.”

Tommy reached over Lucas to grab his hand. “Then I’m so glad I stayed tonight so I could be here for my boys.” 

“I want you here all the time, Tommy,” Buck admitted. 

Tommy chuckled. “Sweetheart, I don’t think I’ve slept at my house once in the last few weeks save when I’m at work. It’s not like — we both know where this is going and if I’m being honest I hate not being with you guys.” 

“Are you sure?” Buck asked. 

Tommy yawned. “I think we can keep talking about this in the morning, but I’m ready if you are.” 

Buck reached over and rubbed a thumb over Tommy’s cheek. “I was ready back in November and I’m ready now.”

“Why be apart if we can be together,” Tommy said, kissing the palm of Buck’s hand.

“You remember that?” Buck asked. 

“It stuck with me.” 

“Hmm, well I think you’re stuck with me.” 

“And that’s enough cheese for tonight. Goodnight, Evan.” 

“Good night,” Buck echoed.