#to make it obvious that is wasnt /under the fucking root/

[acesammy]

the 2 colleges i have gone to now (or 2 of the 3 technically lol) are rival schools, and i am pretty firm in my belief now that the other one is better

[fabaceous]

do you think jackieshauna could've gotten together eventually if the plane didn't crash/if jackie hadn't died or were they doomed from the start?

hi anon i know this took a while (sorry) but it's because this is one of my favorite cans of worms to open and i had a lot to say. so thank you for giving me an excuse to talk about it ;)

my answer, depending on the day and my mood, ranges from NO to YES, BUT to NO, BUT.

NO, because i think that even on a pure friendship level they are doomed. their flaws were like, designed in a lab (or a writer's room lol) to tear them apart. jackie is insecure and holds on too tightly to shauna. shauna quietly resents jackie for it and fucks around behind her back. as long as they have these traits, their relationship is a ticking time bomb. they will never make it within ten miles of a romantic relationship because even their friendship is doomed.

NO, because even if their friendship doesn't implode, they are both simply too damn repressed to ever make a move. im not even saying this as a cop-out, like, i truly believe in my heart and soul that they both have latent romantic feelings for each other but they tie themselves in all sorts of pretzels to avoid it and i'll go even further and say they are both REALLY FUCKING GOOD AT IT. like more so than most people. given my own experiences denying my (in hindsight incredibly obvious) feelings for girls (and i SUCK at repressing things) i have no doubt at all that they could go the rest of their lives convincing themselves that some girlfriendships are Just Like That. the human mind is a very powerful thing and the human mind on comphet and repression? nearly unstoppable. and even if they dont have some world-shattering blowout, and their friendship just sort of fizzles out for some nebulous and ambiguous (read: gay yearning related) reason, years later they'll still be looking back at their relationship saying Huh. Wasnt That Weird...Well...Nevertheless...I'm Sure It Was Nothing To Worry About...

like, okay, im gonna spend a little more time with this one because i think their repression is so key to their dynamic. jackie is obviously unable to face any aspect of herself that is even remotely imperfect. gay feelings for shauna would definitely fall into that category given what i assume she has internalized from her parents and her peers and it being the 1990s. shauna, while more willing to accept her dark side, cant bear the thought of wanting jackie like that. its the one bridge she cant cross. she'll literally fuck jeff. fucking JEFF!!! before she lets herself act on desire for jackie (at least not in a straightforward/normal way lol)

i think both of them on some level must feel that they have a desire for each other, or else they wouldn't be so desperate to avoid it. but they are SO desperate to avoid it, and i don't really have anything to back this up other than my gut feeling but i just can't imagine them ever overcoming their respective hurdles of repression, and definitely not under normal high-school circumstances. MAYBE in the wilderness they would've had a chance IF THINGS HAD GONE VERY DIFFERENTLY because they would be free from societal expectations or whatever, and maybe a life or death situation could've given them enough of a shock that they'd finally own up to their feelings. but EVEN THEN, personally, i think it's still questionable. i think this is just so deeply rooted that it would be anywhere from incredibly difficult to impossible for both of them to get past it. (it's no good if only one of them overcomes the repression, btw. then you just have unrequited pining (but secretly actually requited but the other person won't admit that they're requiting it so it's effectively unrequited which would be perhaps even worse and more painful. btw. if you even care))

now on to the other options...

YES, BUT, even if by some miracle they were able to get past their repression and date each other, i guarantee you all their toxic habits would be not only repeated but MAGNIFIED by being in a romantic relationship. like, ok, the good news is, they would finally be free to be openly obsessed with each other lol. but... imagine jackie gets EVEN MORE insecure about shauna leaving her because now she actually feels like she has a legit claim on shauna being "hers". before, her possessiveness (for lack of a more nuanced term) was tempered by the fact that they are just friends, and shauna should theoretically be allowed to have other friends, even if jackie doesn't like it. but shauna should NOT be having other girlfriends. so jackie would likely be reaching new levels of terrified of shauna leaving her. shauna would still be unable to address conflict directly. rinse and repeat this whooooole vicious cycle until it blows up in their faces like laura le--[gunshot]

finally, NO, BUT, and this one may be controversial & a bit more far fetched than the others, but i do think that under the right circumstances they could kiss or even fuck without it compromising their repression. i actually even think they could have a sort of sneaky situationship while still repressing their bigscaryfeelings for each other. HEAR ME OUT. they are both very careful about compartmentalizing their desire for each other and keeping it hidden FROM THEMSELVES. they often fail and it boils over despite their best efforts, but the more important thing is that they think they're succeeding at keeping their desire from breaching containment. and as long as they have that plausible deniability where they are hiding it from themselves, even if they don't manage to hide it from the rest of us (or even each other), i dont think its impossible for them to act on the desire, like, on pure instinct, but without actually intellectually or emotionally acknowledging the larger implications that that brings. and even if the desire breaches containment, they could still find a way to write it off as just desire in general and not desire for each other specifically. especially when they also still have the excuse of being horny teenagers with no impulse control, they could easily brush it off as, oh, we were just drunk, we were just experimenting. or even, oh, it was just shauna, it's not like i actually LIKE-like her, i just made out with her, but its shauna, so it obviously doesnt mean anything.

and i think they could even do this consistently for weeks months MAYBE up to a year or so, while deluding themselves into thinking this is somehow normal or not a big deal. because they have already proven they are masters of doublethink and repression, otherwise we wouldn't have gotten this far lol. but it would 100% also blow up in their faces. the question is, who would crack first? who would want something real? or who would walk away because it got too real? theres sooo much to ponder with this particular scenario and it's all very juicy and compelling (and GOD would i love to see it unfold with my own two eyeballs, can bart and ashley please write and film an AU of their own tv show?!) but i dont think it would ever lead them anywhere good or healthy.

so long story short (lol. conciseness has never been my strong suit as is probably abundantly clear by now) i personally do not think there is any possibility of a satisfying happy-ending scenario for these two. and i personally am perfectly okay with that because so much about them would have to change in order for them to get a happy ending that at that point, they would no longer be the jackie and shauna that i know and love.

[jacklesraised]

i’m gonna be a thousand percent real w you guys for a min, its gonna be under a read more, and it revolves around fears and pains and scary medical things and g/ov3r/nm3nt bullshit and stuff which is uhhh destroying me mentally and physically ig ahahahhaa

so like as some ppl know, when i was leaving work late nov/early dec of 22, i fell and injured my ‘leg’, it was a few days before i turned 26 and i couldnt get a doc appt in time w a real doc, and ofc bc i was on the male parentals insurance and it was based out of texas despite US being in california, i got completely fucked over bc they didnt want ro cover shit and i had to argue with them til almost the very end of december or so just to see a nurse practitioner who didnt know wtf she was gonna do, and refused to listen to me when i said i was not going to have insurance in a week. i cannot afford any expansive anything right now and anything that i have to do needed to be done before the end of december. all she said was ‘i hope you get better then, but they will call you when they feel like it.’

its been over a year, im still not better, because i was not clocked in at the time, and was injured in the parking lot, hr already said they wont cover it. even if i was only at that location (not my home location) for them, i was not clocked in and therefore they hold no responsibility, and the parking lot had no cameras anyways. its all just word of mouth so. i got fucked there too. C/alo/ptima has been fujcing useless and wont even send me my new insurance card so i can get a new regular pcp who will refill even just my fucking inhaler because the guy they gave me refused to even refill that.

now, when ive gotten the leg scans, they cant find anything. they dont know whats wrong. ‘oh youre just fat, lose weight and you’ll be fine.’

breathing shots pain into my leg. and the pains been spreading. ive been getting a little bit of weird treatment at work despite dlat out ignoring and pushing through my pain to please people and that wasnt even enough because i still got some pretty weird ass treatment from some ppl in management despite the fact im not choosing this, and ignoring it makes everything worse.

and ive been trying to push through and ignore it and hope it heels, because the medical system isnt going to help me, neither is the company, and i live in california. i really just cant afford the medical system here anyways.

i think when i fell, it clipped a nerve into my spine, because for those unaware im that special brand of au/tistic who can tell you the exact point of origin of my pain. from tooth pain to headaches to even searing body aches, i can tell you where it starts and where it ends. but i also have a massive pain tolerance (ive had 8 root canals and local anesthesia doesnt work on me thanks to adhd, i can and have had 9 bottles injected in and nothing happened, so i just dont use it and ignore the horrendous fucking pain of your nerves being killed because i dont want to bother anyone. THAT is my pain tolerance level, and i cant tolerate this.)

the pain is spreading to both of my legs, and when i ignore it i end up toppling over. i used to be a hula dancer, professional as a kid, still for rec until i got hurt. i cant do it anymore. i can barely walk. when i force myself into events and shit that requires walking, it feels like my entire body is being crushed the next day, and during the actual day of doing but thats obvious.

i dont know how to take it anymore, nothing is helping, no one is helping me, and even people who try to help me its like the system is working for them despite refusing to work for me. i really well and truly dont know what to do about this anymore. the pain from my spine isnt only in that leg now, its in both legs and keeps creeping to my arms. im obviously not gonna get help from the company, and even talking to a lawyer its a fucking long shot that i could get anything done from them at all since the parking lot didnt have cameras. i already have eds, and this has been setting off the issues relating to it even more. i was meant to get tested for pots before i lost insurance back then, but new doctor doesnt believe women can experience pain at all, and are lying for attention if they admit to it.

breathing is fucking painful, and i dont know what to do. i can just keep doing what im doing and ignoring my pain and pushing through to please everyone because its not like the system helps, but the system is working for others and when i do what they recommend i do it not only still doesnt work for me, but i get threats from it. i dont know if its because im autistic or not, indont know why it works for others and not for me, i dont understand and when i try to get answers all people say is ‘just push through’ but im trying and its making everything worse and im breaking my body more and more by just pushing through and indont want to get kicked off of c/alo/ptima for bothering them too much by not getting answers despite my efforts because i did get threatened and incant afford $250-500 monthly fees from my state if i dont have insurance. $250 is more than i earn a week. jts not like im getting hours at work. and i really just am so fucking broken and tired and confused and done i dont know what to do and im tired of being in pain. i just want the pain to go away. i dont want to cry anymore. i dont want to be confused and scared and alone anymore. its like everythings collapsing down and i dont know what to do.

and to top it all off, the skin welts and lesions that my old doctor was so terrified of me having are back. theyre a symbolism of my white blood cell count, and last time i got them he had me get blood tests every few months because he was worried about my developing leukemia. and everytime it got too high he gave me something to try snd prevent it, and ultimately i was ‘almost there but narrowly escaped’, and i dont know how im supposed to just keep pushing and keep living and keep going it that happens too. especially when incant afford a blood test right now. i dont know what im doing or who i am anymore and its destroying every semblance of who i am that i had left, and i just want to make everyone happy but im not happy. im not happy snd im not getting help snd i feel so defeated and indont understand how other people can argue andnits fine but i do it and i get threatened or retaliated against.

indont understand how if i do whats recommended im misbehaving and being wrong but others can do what they want. its like im a kid again but instrad of being beaten im just getting fucked over medically even more snd my body gets to further destroy itself and i dont know whay the fuck left there is to do. its like everythings collapsing down on me, jm not getting the samw care or treatment others get, and i dont think im going to because i cant keep fighting a system thats going to only verbally threaten me because they wont respond to emails. i cant use recorded conversations in court here. im scared and im tired and im in constant pain and had to beg my old doctor to send an inhaler refill without my seeing him because the new one wouldnt and my lungs were giving out. i dont want to die but it feels like its heading rhat way whether i want to or not because nothing and nobody will help me and when they try they get mad at me for ‘not trying harder’ but im doijt everythint they say and more and its nothing. nothings coming crom it but my suffering. but if i say its not my fault its ‘making excuses’ and injust cant keep doing this anymore. im so tired, and im in so much pain, and indont know what to do.

[introloves]

— werewolf! bokuto + a/b/o + hunter / prey dynamic + knotting + ruts + slight dubcon + hurt/comfort + slight angst + fear + breeding + possessive! bokuto + overstimulation + human! & f! reader

— word count; 1.5k

he kept you warm against the harsh and bitter air from outside, chilling the apartment you both shared.

curling into his warm side, you felt the sleepy, lulled into a nice haze. but it seemed that in finding warmth and comfort, you missed the goosebumps forming against his skin, right against the places your body met his.

he should have been more careful, should have read the signs signaling the oncoming heat.

but he decided that spending time with you this close to the new moon was more worth it, he could hold himself back, contain the fever prickling under his skin.

it was stupid, in trying to prove that he could temper down the other side of him, regain hold of his humanity, he was signing a death wish.

“you okay kou?” you mumbled, sitting up against his squirming body.

the moment he felt you leave his side, he snapped up to grab you, clamping an arm around your upper arm.

he was hot, running at a temperature far too warm to be okay. it made you shake in worry for him, if he was sick he needed to get to the hospital, needed help! he needed-

“i’m so sorry.” he whimpered, or growled, you couldnt tell with the deep rumble that followed a high keen, coming straight from the center of his chest.

it took him no effort, no strength to tug you onto his lap, opening your legs to sit you comfortably over his hips.

he pressed his heated body closer, satiated at how good your smell encompassed him like this. pure instinct driving him to nuzzle in close to your pulse point, laving over it with his tongue, trying to get that sweet smell even stronger.

“sorry? for what...” you whispered, he seemed to be inching closer and closer to a higher heat, but his hands, arms closing down around your body made your head spin. in a finally attempt to reagain any control you uttered out a, “bo- stop we need to get you to the hospital you’re really hot.”

but the way you pushed, futilely, against his chest didnt sit well with him.

it was a lowly growl that made you stop, the sinking of something sharp- right where his hands gripped at your sides made you shut your mouth completely.

“you know there’s something different about me.” he began, words dripping down the side of your neck.

“but you still love me regardless.”

it was all so confusing, you’d never heard him sound like this, didnt think anyone human could produce a tremor this animalistic to their voice.

you’d never been held like this by him, he seemed to be moving, driven with pure adrenaline. shaky hands gripped at the giving flesh, leaving remnants of his heat. anywhere that there was fat, his fingers dug in tight.

“you love me-“ he choked out, his voice returning to his normal tone, tinted by an urgency.

“y/n,” he spat, crazed and rushed. “you need to run. go and lock yourself in the room. dont let me in, under any circumstances.” it wasnt going to be enough to stop him if he tried, but the growing need to do something to keep you safe overruled any other logical thinking.

he pushed you off, planting you on the floor in a hurry, stretching to his full stature, looming over you with a gaze that read; hungry.

you didnt think as you complied with his words, confused at it all. you just wanted to know what happened to your bokuto but with the way everything unfolded before you, there was truly no explanation.

as your feet pounded down the hall, the thought that you were being stalked- being chased after like a little rabbit crossed your mind briefly.

it made your legs move faster, the sound of something big, the sound of bokuto running behind you met your ears. the door of your shared room right against your fingertips.

you almost made it, the thrill of escaping let a laugh bubble in your throat. all before the floor was knocked from under your feet.

bokuto grabbed you before you crumbled down into the floor, planting your face, roughly, under the hallway carpet.

“not fast enough bunny.” he laughed.

“bokuto, whats going on, whats wrong.” you whimpered, but he wasnt listening, couldnt listen to the streams of questions leaving your mouth. all he could focus on was the growing saccharine scent wafting up from your cunt, peaking out from between your thighs. it wasn’t enough, he knew how good you could smell, at the peak of it, when he fucked you nice and hard, you smelled so divine. but it was all tainted by the sickly notes of pure fear, it wouldn’t do, he couldn’t have you smelling like that.

“its okay, i wouldn’t hurt you. have i ever hurt you?” he questioned, all the while sinking down to press his nose right to your cunt.

“n-no. you’ve never h-hurt me.” you bit back a moan when he licked over your cunt, tongue digging into the spot he knew your clit would be.

just like that he had you receptive, willing to do anything, because he was so good to you.

he let you go briefly, all to rip every peice of clothing you and him had on. once again the thought that something was wrong crossed your mind with how easy it was for him.

with clenched teeth, he wrapped his fingers around himself. letting muscle memory guide the tip of himself right into you.

spurred on by a desperate moan leaving your mouth, his name hanging off the tip of your tongue.

it was all okay, he’d fucked you so many times, this was no different?

right?

the sickly scent twisted its notes, entangling itself in your sweetness.

“its okay, my bunny. its all okay. ill fuck you good, like i always do.”

to prove it, he sinks in completely.

but he was overrun with you, completely taken over a need to have you.

throwing his head back, howling into the air, he took you with a punishing pace.

there was no noise that could leave your mouth, the familiar feeling of an orgasm looming in the distance made you melt against his hips.

strong hands holding you steady, growling with the obscene sounds your pussy made. he was going to pump you fulll, make you heavy with all the cum that he was going to give you, fucking you raw. if he was lucky, his cum would stick, breeding you like a good mate.

“you take me so good. you like it dont you?” there was no answer you could give him that would change his mind, he could smell it on you. sweat dripping down your back, pooling at the heat of his hands against your soft sides, it couldnt be more obvious.

“koutarou.” you gasped, shaking at the orgasm that finally graced your body.

it was all a reaction to you, he couldnt help the way your cunt squeezed him this tight. with a final push inside, knocking you down flat to the floor, knees shaking,

it began.

your chest burned as you took in a sharp lungful of air. his dick seemed to inflate, right at the base of your pussy, locking him tightly inside. at the peak of the swelling, his hips stuttered, bringing you along while thick ropes of cum stuffed you. pulling the stretched skin of you around his swollen dick.

“w-wh-! bo, bo it hurts!” you squealed, kicking, trying to get away. frenzied with fear, scared that he was going to rip something.

but he held you, warm hand placing right at the base of your tummy, trying to sooth your fear and shaking. he bent in close, begging for forgiveness of it all.

“i know it hurts, i’m so sorry.” he whimpered, tongue heavy with pleasure and guilt.

all fucked out and spent, you laid there, tears streaming down your face, you couldnt feel anything anymore.

it felt like it took forever for the swelling to calm down, but once it did, he quickly scrambled off you.

“angel.” he whispered, flipping you over, searching for your gaze. a sharp pang hit his gut at the sight of your wet eyes, and trembling lower lips.

“oh my baby, i’m so sorry.” he all but cried, there was already a hate, rooted deep into his being at the way he was, driven by an animal he couldnt control. after this, if you wanted him gone, he was more than willing to pack it all up to keep you safe.

your hand, trembling and sweaty, wrapped around the hand holding your face tenderly. finally he was back, there was the man that kissed you gently every morning.

“kou.” you wheezed, smiling at him.

it took a lot of effort, but you smiled.

“n-next time. you gotta prep me first.”

his eyes flittered down from your face, distracted by the clenching of your pussy, leaking everything he had worked so hard to pump you full with, smearing it down your thighs, pussy lips, and carpet.

his jaw clenched at the challenge, laughing at the thought that you’d be so weak, of course you were strong enough to take him.

you were his mate after all.

[rose-with-no-thorns]

Last Life/HermitCraft rambles pt1

a place for me to let out all my built up theories and stuff yk. btw this doesn’t exactly follow canon but it just tries to predict stuff or analyze them despite not needing an analysis or just me rambling about my head canon 

SPOILERS FOR EVERYTHING 

Evil Grian Theory according to Martyns lore ending the watchers are canon are very exciting news yesss like i’m so happy that all of my theorising didn’t go to waste but like at the same time he really fucked over my documents, anyways, we're aware of the fact grian is still a watcher, and he still works with the other Watchers yk the evil guys who eat chaos and panic. So grian was like a mortal before he became a watcher, right? he was human, nothing else but headcanons r headcanons. the watchers are born into it I mean they're not born they're just like there so that means grian has much more humanity than the watchers could ever have when he became a watcher. it didn’t really feel like,, becoming a god. it was more like getting a promotion you didn’t necessarily want. which means the watchers wouldn't understand a humans or in this case ex humans emotional needs, so that means grian would have to adapt to being a god in a type of way because that's what the watchers are and there's also the listeners and Martyn gets compared to them but that's uh off topic right now. so like we know grian created the game, canon and irl and that he was supposed to watch over it, he wasnt supposed to play, yet he did. so this leaves room for two cases: 

1. the watchers just didn't tell him that his friends r gonna be playing in a death game, he knew someone would be but it was the watchers ways of his last test of like yk making him integrate în the no-humanity-gods club, so when he saw his friends he was like “oh hell no” and joined them in. but the thing is it doesn’t add up with the fact he wouldn’t even die?? like join for what?? 

or 

2. he was aware of everything because he planned the game, and his attempts of integrating in the watchers resulted in him just being pure evil and now as much as I know lots of people would just want angst, it'd be so much worse and likely that grians just pure evil. seeing your best friend killing you in cold blood after luring you to play a killing game. he put all of his friends there and they trusted him and they were wrong for trusting him. 

TL;DR: Grian’s characters development arc since evo is him trying to please the Watchers so hard by becoming like them that he completely loses it and lures his friends into a death game then joins it for fun 

btw does tumblr have a word limit or smth lmao

Rooting for the HermitCraft server/Boatem having an Ender Dragon as a pet 

so it goes like, after grian took the ender egg and just kept it around even after the game, and decided “hey i wanna see if this does anything”. so he just provided it with the darkness of the end and the unusual feeling of the dimension, and soon enough, he and pearl discovered one day it started hatching. they both thought of this to take to boatems advantage, and decided they will use it as a war weapon/to scare off people. Now there’s a plot twist. the dragon was born without wings, or well at least functional ones. it just looked like a little mutation on its back. it was kind of disappointing, but it was still cute as hell, and grian just decided to tell xisuma about her because how long can you keep a whole dragon hidden?? so she (yes its a female bc i say so) started growing like really fast. and despite having no wings she became absolutely gigantic, almost the size of the original ender dragon despite not even being an adult. at first she fit in grians starter base, but one day, scar found her with her head peeking out of grians roof, so he decided to make her her own little cave, not too far away from the land but not too close to it either and not obvious for any newcomers that there’s a whole dragon living under them Now none of the boatem members had really taken care of a dragon before, or well no one on the server did (except for pearl no i will not elaborate it makes so much sense), so it was mostly grian who raised her but he pretty much raised a huge, gentle golden retriever dog, so the war weapon plan was just thrown out the window since everyone got really attached to her bc yk who wouldn’t. so they were like “fuck it” and now she kinda just roams around the server randomly and hermits will just randomly see her hanging around little animals, ESPECIALLY JELLIE I WAS WAITING FOR SO LONG TO SAY THIS HAHA, scar would just bring jellie to her and she’d just go “:D” like they’d be besties. the home sickness was never there, as she never truly went home from where she came from, this was her home. sending her back to the end would make her home sick as she grew up here, not there. i also feel like theyd have a whole meeting to choose her name because grian and scar just forgot and when pearl reminded them they were like “oh yeah we should probs do that 🧍‍♂️”

if i feel like it i will very much draw her, i mean i already did but it didnt turn out quite right, she also doesnt have a name yet so any suggestions r welcome ig lol  

[iridescentides]

i watched the ep twice bc i didnt take notes the first time BUT. hsmtmts 2.04 thoughts under the cut

gina first. my favorite part of the episode was when she admitted that she feels out of place living in someone else’s house and that she wanted a bigger part in the play. i was SO worried they were gonna just let her happily sideline herself in a “yay she learned her lesson about not being the center of attention” kind of way bc i would not be able to handle that two seasons in a row. let her be angry!!! she has a lot to be upset about

the gina/carlos conflict was awful bc theyre making carlos unreasonably annoying this season. last season he was nice, he was enthusiastic, not competitive and just rooting for other people. idk why they needed to flip him so drastically to being spoiled, rich, selfish, pushy, and bitchy. and on top of that i have not been vibing with the pieces of dialogue theyve been giving him this season just to score woke points. its so unbearably obvious that even though hes a brown gay character, he was written by a white gay person who thought, on some level, that he was giving the gen z kids the #hashtag representation they wanted. his delivery of every line that screams “remember, im mexican” is so awkward, it doesnt land well, and im begging them to stop. they want so badly to commodify his character and parade him around as a “look how diverse our show is!” thing and im so so sick of it bc you can tell, with all the surface-level pieces of dialogue, that they dont actually care at all

(”look around, theres not a lot of me at this school” we GET it, this show wants to be glee so bad)

im honestly starting to slowly ship rina less and less. in season one i loved seeing someone make gina happy, especially since she had no friends before opening up to ricky. but now its just a whole mess and i wish she would love herself a lil more to realize that its not worth all this stress. he made a choice and no amount of conflicted moments of eye contact is going to fully take that back. im not necessarily against love triangle plots, but i HATE the whole “women wait around hopefully while male character, whose decisions have already hurt multiple people, makes up his mind” bullshit

that being said, gina handled the situation like a CHAMP, im dying over how quickly she was able to mask her pain and make the joke about the twix bar. im love her

we were absolutely ROBBED of an ej/big red performance this episode!!! i am at my LIMIT we better get gaston next week or i will riot

on the ej train, him not getting into duke was extremely predictable. we all kinda saw that coming and knew that would be his main point of growth this season. im glad they didnt wait super long to do it. now please @ writers i am BEGGING you to give my man more screen time than one scene per episode

its very odd that they keep making mr mazzara have emotionally tough conversations with the students. i will do a parallel gifset of those once the season ends. i liked his convo with ej for the most part, but he really didnt have to beat him over the head with the “youre an emotionless robot” thing again. its clear ej is gonna throw himself into av club or whatever (even though at the end of last season that was supposed to be big red?) and discover that he has a lot going for him. because he does, he literally has everything going for him, thats why they had to make his “problem” not knowing himself. bisexual ej caswell ftw

i love the parallels between ej and nini this episode? i think since the beginning ive felt that there was a lot about them under the surface that was similar. it was interesting seeing ej tell nini about duke first, instead of the obvious choice of ashlyn. i wouldve loved to see how that scene wouldve gone with ricky, gina, carlos, or big red though bc each reaction and attempt at comforting him wouldve been so different. i didnt love that nini had to be pulled away from the conversation, but im glad they can still talk to each other after everything that went down. and i love the juxtaposition of ej’s convo with mazzara directly following nini’s convo with miss jenn bc theyre essentially the same.

speaking of, i loved miss jenn in this episode. her stories are always so funny, but i loved seeing her care so much for nini and guide her, like a teacher. i loved how she pointed out that everyone who loves nini just wants her to be happy

im glad nini is leaving yac bc there was no good way to keep that up honestly. but im pretty annoyed that they were so obvious about it? like, they immediately made it the worst place in the world without exploring it very much. the place is super unrealistic, ive never been to drama school but im sure it wouldnt be like that. no creative arts place for KIDS would be so impossibly limiting. plus the weird bluish coloring in comparison to the nice warm tones of the rest of the show was, again, a dead giveaway. why send her to the school at all if it wasnt even gonna matter?

even though im glad nini left yac, im NOT looking forward to the way miss jenn is about to bend over backwards to put her in the play somehow. she plays obvious favorites and im so annoyed

(sidenote: nini just? decided to leave yac without consulting her parents??? ummm)

granted is a very good song, one of my faves so far

ricky deciding to tell nini he wants her to stay was stupid. what did he think that would accomplish? who in their right mind would drop out of a good school for you?

i loved when nini said yac was missing something, and miss jenn said “ricky” and nini said “you.” that was so so sweet and cute

i think the kourtney/howie thing is gonna grow on me. i hate amatonormativity so im not a big fan of them introducing a whole ass character exclusively so kourtney can have a love interest, but i loved the gesture he made of bringing her the pizzas and her flashcards. i feel like kourtneys love language is acts of service, and she was literally this meme when he did that for her:

i liked seeing ashlyn try to be there emotionally for gina! i want more of them together

overall this episode was okay. not enough songs, and i wish they were spreading out the emotional conversations through the season instead of packing them all into literally one episode, but what we did get was pretty good.

after watching the preview i see that next weeks episode is gonna be about carlos’s party, and i love party episodes. BUT i hope that after that ep we finally get an advancement on the north high stuff! i dont give too many fucks about lily, but i wanna see my son asher angel

[wc-confessions]

this is a copy paste on my problem with dwarf/folded ear/persian warrior cat designs from discord! if soemthing seems ooc, thats why :) | my problem with folded ear warriors designs or warrior designs hwere theyre munchkins is those cats have really bad health problems so its like why??? (referring to persian yellowfang:) whjo said i wasnt btohered by that as well? its really wonky i dislike when people do that honestly. (beginning of rant) "The Scottish Fold breed of cat has a genetic mutation that affects the development of cartilage. The most obvious outward manifestation of this is making the ear cartilage fold so the ears bend forward, giving the cat its characteristic appearance." Keyword mutation. "The rate at which they get the disease and the severity of the disease can be different but they will all to some degree have an incurable, painful and lifelong disease." These cats are supposed to be wild, strong, and (dont take this a wrong way) I don't think a cat with lifelong, painful disease would get far in the warriors world. Plus, its somewhat disturbing, as humans have these cats just for "cuteness" factor, and most Warriors artists probably give them those for the same reason. Scottish Folds arent just cute objects, they have serious health problems because of the cartilage development issues, which causes them heavy pain. As well, the cartilage development defeciency doesnt just effect their ears, it effects their bones and joints as well. If you see x-rays of a Scottish Fold kitten, their back leg bones are considerably wonky looking. If you're going to give a Warriors character folded ears, like a Scottish Fold, then consider the health effects that will come with this, like the joint pain and hearing problems and ear pains. It's honestly odd. I find it very wonky, and disturbing. munchkin, persian, and scottish fold designs will never sit right with me, especially if its just for the cute factor. no matter the reason, youre putting this cat through pain. 1/2

cont. under the cut 

even if its a fictional cat, or you arent trying to glorify the issues these cats get, or soemthing similar, its still very, very weird that youd willingly put a cat in pain just for a fun design, but proceed to ignore the health problems these kinds of cats would have in the books, especially during fights, these breeds specifically would probably be extremely fucked. Basically, one of my main rooted issues with munchkin designs; obviously, bone problems. See, munchkins can get this thing called Lordosis, which, watered down, is cat scoliosis. ("Lordosis is a condition that is characterized by a curving spine in your cat’s lower back. Kitten Munchkins are susceptible to this condition, which is caused by the spinal muscles growing too short.") Lordosis, considering its cat scoliosis, would obviously heavily harm a warrior cat, especially in battle, they'd probably get spine pain during battle, it'd make them weaker or more susceptible to injury. As well as, munchkins can get "Pectus Excavatum" which just translates to "hollow breast" in Latin. It's a defect in growth of a cats ribs and sternum, which can only be fixed by surgery. Theres no other sign of fixture, so a cat cant get this fixed unless theyre a kittypet. This would give more cats pain, and give a cat disadvantage when theyre hunting, or just doing normal activities. Osteoarthritis is also something munchkins have. Sound familiar? Both cats and humans can get it; it's a disease which results in the breakdown of tissue in a cat's joints, such as the bone or cartiliage. "Some of the first signs that your cat is suffering from osteoarthritis are changes in your cat’s gait or even lameness in one or more limbs. You might also observe your cat jumping up and down from furniture less frequently." This gravely effects cats, by this description, it may hurt a cat to jump a lot with this condition, so a Skyclan cat may be considered useless by their clan if they are a munchkin. A diet issue, Hyperthyroidism is an overproduction of the thyroid hormone in a cat's body, which overworks their metabolism, "Hyperthyroidism is most common in older cats and is characterized by an increased appetite in combination with weight loss. Over time, hyperthyroidism can contribute to other complications such as high blood pressure, or hypertension, and a type of heart disease known as thyrotoxic cardiomyopathy." Thyrotoxic cardiomyopathy is when the heart grows or thickens to suit the metabolism rate of a cat. "In some cases, the cat will develop a heart murmur associated with the cardiomyopathy." Munchkin cats are also further vulnerable to Uremia and FLUTD (Feline Lower Urinary Tract Disease) which are both diseases relating to how a cat releaves themself; uses the bathroom. These can especially effect a cat, hindering them from doing any everyday activity without assistance. "When your cat is unable to properly expel its urine, it can lead to a buildup of toxins in their bodies. Symptoms include loss of appetite, diarrhea, vomiting, and depression." (Uremia) and since FLUTD is a "catch-all phrase" for several different conditions, it can be many things; "The symptoms listed can have many different causes, such as urinary stones, a urinary infection, or a urethral obstruction." which would as well effect a cat badly. Lymphosarcoma is something munchkins are also vulnerable to, being a type of cancer. "Also known as lymphoma, lymphosarcoma is a type of cancer that occurs in the lymphocytes, which are cells that play an important role in your cat’s immune system. In cats, lymphosarcoma occurs commonly in the intestines, chest, and kidneys" This would obviously effect a warrior's day to day activities; seeing their family, hunting, chatting with friends, sharing tongues, etc. (end of rant) (2/2)

[oflgtfol]

passengers (2016) had the potential to be such a good movie but it was written in such a wrong way and it just wound up being shitty and gross........

im in such a ranty mood lately so yeah. this is long and probably incoherent so its under a read more

like if they wrote it from aurora’s perspective it couldve been such a cool space horror film. im not a big film buff so idk but i rarely see space horror moves? i see it more often in literature. but even then most space horror stories are all like, aliens and shit, but space is so vast and interesting, space horror has the capacity to be so unique and different from normal horror... aliens are basically just the demons and monsters on earth just in a different setting

space horror stories that really get me - the ones that really fucking chill me to the bone, that actually succeed in creeping me out - are always the ones that focus on being alone. space is so isolating, its so completely different from earth, like out there you are the loneliest you will ever be. you can be lonely in your bedroom but ultimately you’re on a planet with 7 billion other people, but in space, there is no one around for millions, billions, trillions of miles, hundreds and thousands of light years. you cannot get to safety. you are stuck in your situation whether you like it or not and nobody will come to help you. nobody will even know.

if your situation takes the wrong turn, then you will well and truly die alone in a way that nobody else has ever experienced before. its such a chilling concept and its completely realistic too, like i will always come back to the first moon landing when discussing this. nobody knew whether they could get the astronauts back to earth. they went down to the surface with no certainty that this place wouldnt be their deathbeds. they were the first 2 people to ever step foot on the moon, to ever step foot on a surface that wasn’t earth. if they couldnt get back up, then they would also be the first 2 people to die there, to die on a place that wasnt earth. it fucks me up so bad. so space horror is also so chilling because its plausible, this is the unknown we’re exploring and everything is new. everything in space is so far apart, its so lonely, and that fact remains true whether you’re talking about real life space travel or an event in fiction, which makes it feel way more genuine that regular horror. horror that deals with the supernatural loses that realism and it feels fake, like that wont happen to me because monsters and demons just dont exist

so you could take this conflict, one between humans, and put it into space? it becomes even more horrifying

with a horror movie set on earth dealing with a kidnapping, you root for the protagonist, for them to escape, for them to kill their captor if they must, and no matter how helpless the situation may seem you root for them because all they need to do is have access to phone to call 911, or grab that hammer and their problems are over, or kick their captor in the groin and make a break for the street. the helplessness from this story is that freedom is so close, yet so far

a horror movie set in space dealing with a kidnapping? the victim is stuck there no matter what. they can kill their captor. they could send a distress call. they could reach an escape pod and make a break for it. but no matter what, they are still stuck in space. you are so utterly isolated that a distress call could take years upon years upon eons to reach anyone who could possibly answer, and an escape pod would take even longer unless it can go at light speed

so the horror of the situation with space horror is that everything is up to you, and if you fail? its over.

with passengers though, its not that simple. because there its not just “up to you,” it is just utterly futile. jim took aurora out of her pod and no matter what she does will change that. her situation is irreversible

(i havent seen it in a while but i know towards the end there was that emergency pod, but uhm. did she even know about it until jim told her about it? yeah. that adds to the horror of it)

the film however. is written from jim’s perspective. the film deals with this isolation a bit at the beginning which i had actually enjoyed in that kinda sick oh no feeling that space horror like this always gives me. it was interesting to actually see it depicted in a movie! i’ve only read about this kinda situation in a written story in only one book, but im sure theres more out there, but either way it was novel for me

and the temptation of opening aurora’s pod is what adds to it. its either you go fucking insane because you live out the next few decades with no other human contact, you kill yourself, or you open up someone else and suffer with someone else by your side, but thats the BAD route and now you’re a horrible person. its a serious moral question! you go a whole year of being utterly, completely alone with absolutely zero human contact, but you are surrounded by other humans. its fucking painful. i cant even imagine that

i respect that portion of the film! i do! but then he opens up aurora’s pod. and it suddenly becomes a romance movie, and continues to be framed in jim’s perspective. bad move.

if we took out jim’s spiraling descent to opening up aurora’s pod, and started the film with her waking up, frame it as a romance movie, it could be really good. the reveal where she found out he is the reason shes awake, he’s the one who robbed her of life, her potential, her everything she ever knew. he’s stranded her in the middle of nowhere for the sole reason of keeping him company

the sheer impact of this revelation is lost because the movie is in jim’s perspective. we already sympathize with him due to the beginning. he was introduced first, and his suffering was obvious, so we look at aurora and its almost like we should think well thats all well and good but poor jim! but jim had the comfort that at least him waking up was just a random event. aurora was woken up because he was awake. if he was still asleep, then so would she, and she would still have her life and future. and even if someone was still randomly woken up, if it wasnt jim of all people, then she would most likely still be awake too. its all the horrible circumstances intersecting and she got caught in the crossfires due to him succumbing to his situation.

now i’m not saying that jim is evil. no one has ever been in this situation before. i really don’t know what the fuck i’d do and i don’t think anybody knows what they would do either until they were in his shoes. it’s all morally ambiguous and it’s just shitty all around - but ultimately, it was a horrible horrible decision that ruined another person’s life. he was directly responsible for her losing everything. and the fact that he hides this from her? is even fucking worse. it’s understandable, but my god is it BAD

and in making this a romance movie. the horror of aurora’s situation is just lost! because our goal is to see them kiss and fall in love by the end of the movie, so the audience isn’t meant to look to harshly at jim. he suffers no real consequences for his actions. and ultimately it is a romance, because jim ~sacrifices himself~ and aurora realizes that hey we’re gonna be here for the rest of our fucking lives, i might as well enjoy it. which is a shit attitude to have in a relationship of any kind by the way!

but by framing this as a horror movie, aurora could be wayy more sympathetic to the audience. the romantic angle when she first wakes up would feel insidious, and we would feel the betrayal when it’s revealed that jim is the reason she woke up. jim would be the villain obviously, and the moral ambiguity of his decision to wake her up would make him a relatable villain, but it would still hold him accountable for what he’s done. i just think the end product would be a lot more poignant than it was as a romance movie

and now to wrap it up, here’s my ideas on how to do it: film starts with aurora on earth before she’s about to leave, talking to all her friends and talking about how much she wants to go to this other planet, how great of an opportunity it would be. she boards the ship and goes under. and then within a few seconds, she’s waking up. the waking up scene is framed the same way jim’s was, and not from the side from jim’s perspective like it was in the actual movie. we get to see all her confusion and exhaustion from her perspective. once she’s acclimated or whatever, she’s futzing around the ship when jim stumbles upon her, acting all confused and excited to see another person, and its so genuine that nobody, including aurora, is any wiser that he’s the cause of it. then its all the romance shit, and falling in love, its fun, she’s like “oh my god it sucks that we’re stuck like this and we’re gonna die alone” and they comfort each other, yadda yadda, its meant to build trust between them and between the audience and jim. maybe theres a few scenes peppered in that build suspense like, wtf is going on, but ultimately the Jim Trust scenes kinda turn us/her away from that. but then its aurora talking to the robot guy and the robot guy lets it slip that jim was the one to wake her. it zooms into her face, and in the background you can see jim, all dark and blurred, looming over her. she goes to cry in her room or whatever, like she did in the movie, and its like flashes on previous scenes but now all the little hints to it make sense

anyway i dont have many more ideas just that at the end jim tells her about the extra pod and she goes in, and jim... hm.. maybe its vague.. maybe he lives out the rest of his days and he’s the one to leave the plants behind, maybe he died while sacrificing himself, idk. im not a horror writer. something to humanize jim, that this could’ve been anyone making this shitty decision while emotionally compromised, but still makes it clear that he was in the wrong, very in the wrong

the romance in the actual movie felt, like, poisoned because of what he did, and it rubbed me very wrong that they picked it back up all bc he was willing to die at the end to fix the spaceship. if anything, they should’ve only been friends. idk. actually focusing on aurora and her perspective feels like it could’ve taken the film in a much more interesting turn than just “standard het couple gets together in the end despite the girl being hurt by the guy” like every. fucking. movie.