#to kill a jelly bean

[stupid-2012tmnt-pics]

they look like jelly beans

[vaguely-andro-autobot]

wild blackberry, green apple, jewel orange, jewel grape soda, caramel corn. any other order is wrong, I will fight you on this.

[prvtocol]

@badtrigger : command: sender orders receiver to stay put. // (any, any verse) | action starters ᠂ ⚘ ˚

An understandable protocol, inspecting all cargo that comes onto the island, but at this level of scrutiny? Going through every single one of her items as if they’re potential contraband? She’s not that naive. She assumes it’s another of the logistic officer’s intimidation tactics, to remind her he’s in control. 

     Exasperation and her discomfort heighten when he’s set to open a section of her suitcase that has her undergarments hidden in cloth privacy packets. “This really isn’t necessary.” The worry coaxes the shaky reminder from her formerly shut mouth. “These are my personal effects. Nothing I’ll be distributing.” Not like the carton of ABC chili sauce and packets of ramen noodles that she plans to gift some pirates after making her transfer. Bolstered by her spent reasoning, she steps forward, hands reaching to close that section of her bag. 

     “Stop.” The blunt order is paired with a lift of his hand; she nearly coils back.

     “Officer Keamy.” Having lumbered into the hangar a few seconds prior, Batbayar decides it's his duty to intervene. A habitual nonchalance softens the hard look that takes to inspecting the officer's cold chalky features. With his chin lifting and an inhale sharp enough to flair his nostrils, it's either a mild provocation or a case of seasonal allergies.

     Easy to see Miss Martin was getting distressed; she seems skittish enough just walking across the busy tarmac. She doesn't need a man known for his callousness to make it worse. And in his point of view, there’s no reason to give the external hire a hard time, and even more so with her being a lady.

     A hand adjusts the strap of the sniper rifle slung over his shoulder. “Caldera's looking for her," or he assumes he is. "I can help Miss Martin get where she needs to go.”

[waitimcomingtoo]

I’ll Cry If I Want To

Pairing: enemies to lovers!Peter Parker x Stark!Reader

Synopsis: you get stood up on your birthday and Peter attempts to cheer you up despite your feud

Masterlist

Peter walked into the kitchen in the tower and was immediately greeted by a confetti popper exploding in his face followed by a tender kiss on the forehead from Tony.

“Oh, my. Good morning to me.” Peter smiled at the greeting.

“Damn it, Parker.” Tony groaned. “I thought you were my little girl.”

“Don’t feel bad, daddy. A lot of people confuse Peter for a little girl.” You said as you walked into the kitchen behind Peter. The two of you made eye contact and you gave him an innocent smile while he rolled his eyes at you.

“Ha ha.“ He said sarcastically and then hissed at you like a cat. You gave him a look as you walked over to your dad.

“Happy birthday, baby girl.” Tony said and pulled you into a long hug.

“Thank you, daddy.” You smiled and hugged him back.

“Thank you, daddy.” Peter said in a high pitched voice to mock you. You and Tony looked at him and he quickly cleared his throat.

“Sorry. What I meant to say was, happy birthday. I didn’t know that was today. I mean, I’d been wondering why you looked so old but I assumed it was from your lack of sunscreen use.”

“Nice try. I wear sunscreen everyday.” You replied.

“Really?” He gasped. “Might want to up that SPF a few. You look like a crumbled piece of paper and not in a fun Taylor Swift way.”

“Don’t talk to me about skincare, Rudolf.” You snapped and tapped your nose twice to point out the zit on the tip of Peter nose. He covered it with his hand and narrowed his eyes at you.

“Children, please. No fighting. It stops my moisturizer from sinking in.” Tony sighed and rubbed circles into his skin.

“Sorry, daddy. I just wanted to make sure Peter knew about the giant pimple on his nose in case he was going to see anyone today.” You said as you smiled sweetly at Peter. He discreetly flipped you off by scratching his cheek with his middle finger.

“Any plans for the night, jelly bean?” Tony asked you.

“Nothing crazy. My friends are coming over later for a sleepover.”

“Oh God. Is this gonna be one of those crazy parties where you all get drunk and things get out of hand and you accidentally kill someone and have to dispose of the body together while hijixs ensues?” Peter. whined.

“No, because this isn’t one of the pornos you watch.” You scoffed.

“Pfft. That is not what I watch.” He insisted. “Where would I even find something like that? What would I even type? I’m open to suggestions.”

“Shut up.” You laughed. “You’re such a weirdo. And don’t be hanging around when my friends are here. I already told them you’re a pervert and on the FBI watch list so you don’t have a chance with any of them.”

“I don’t want to date your freakbob friends anyway.” He scoffed. “And to keep it down tonight, will you? I already wake up the birds chirping every morning. I don’t want to hear you birds all night too.”

“I actually came up with a solution for that. What if you killed yourself?” You asked through a smile.

“That’s a great idea. I might give that a whirl today if I’m not busy.” He replied and matched your smile.

“You? Busy?” You laughed. “Please. Busy doing what?”

“Peter and I are gonna be in the lab doing boring stuff with the suits. Adjustments, additions, and what have you.” Tony answered you.

“Oh. Okay. Do you need any help?” You asked.

“I wouldn’t ask you to do that on your birthday, baby girl. Peters got it.” Tony replied, making your smile falter a little.

“Yeah. I’ve got it.” Peter boasted and gave you a smug look. You glared at him for a moment before looking back at your dad.

“I’ll catch you later for some cake, okay honey bun?” Tony told you before kissing your forehead.

“Okay. Bye. Have fun.” You smiled sadly as he left the room.

“You look greasy, by the way.” Peter said once you were alone.

“Like I care what you think. Even your hairline won’t stay with you.” You scoffed and nodded towards his forehead.

“It’s not actually receding, is it?” He asked and touched his hair.

“Maybe your forehead is just getting bigger.” You shrugged and popped a grape in your mouth from the bowl on the table.

“Bite me.” He replied and stopped touching his hair.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” You chuckled. “Isn’t that how you got your powers, spider boy?”

“Yup. What do you think would happen if you bite me? Would I be able to a do anything a total bitch can?” He wondered, making you pelt a grape at him. He caught it with ease and popped it into his mouth.

“Watch your mouth before I bring out the peppermint essential oils again.” You warned him.

“You wouldn’t.” He said quietly.

“Try me.” You shrugged. You stared at each other across the kitchen for a moment before Peter gave up.

“You win. Here’s your card. Happy birthday, gaylord.” He said as he handed you a homemade birthday card from his jeans pocket before quickly running out of the room. You rolled your eyes at him but smiled once he was gone and read the card. As annoying as you normally found him, you appreciated that he remembered your birthday. Inside the card was a crude drawing of the two of you fighting next to a drawing of a gift card to Planet Fitness.

Peter strolled into your bedroom around 10 pm when he had grown curious as to why your friends weren’t there yet. It was getting kind of late and you had listed many activities that you had planned to do while Peter begrudgingly listened to you talk earlier in the day. You were still in your room by yourself so he went in and knocked on your door to see what was happening.

“Hey dingus. When are your dumb friends getting here? I need to know when I should jam my ears with scissors.” Peter said as he leaned against your doorway. You were sitting on your bed with your knees draw to your chest and your chin resting on top of them as you stared out the window.

“Do that anyway.” You mumbled and didn’t move from your position.

“I’m going to. I can’t listen to you all yap about when Reputation TV is coming all night. And your friend Stacy’s theories are always way off.” He continued. You still didn’t turn to look at him and his smirk dropped when he heard a sniffle. He frowned and took a step into your room.

“Hello? I knew you were dumb but did you forget how to turn your neck or something?” He said to try to make you laugh. You stayed still and he craned his neck to try to see your face.

“Seriously though, when are they coming?”

“They’re not coming.” You said finally in a horse voice.

“Why? What happened? Did they finally realize you’re an annoying brat whose only redeeming quality is access to daddy’s credit card?” Peter teased in another attempt to make you laugh.

“Something like that.” You mumbled. Peter frowned and finally realized that something was actually wrong. He sat down on your bed and reached his hand out.

“Whats going on? Are you okay?” He asked in a soft voice.

“Just go away.” You said sadly and wiped tears from your face. Peter shot a web at a tissue box on your dresser and pulled it over.

“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what happened.” He said and handed you a tissue. You gave him a skeptical look and he held up one hand in defense while waving the tissue in the other like a white flag. You sighed and took the tissue before wiping your eyes.

“They found out it wasn’t a yacht party or at some fancy restaurant or some elitist club in Tribeca so they all cancelled.“ You said as you nervously ripped the tissue up in your hands.

“They cancelled? Why?”

“Because no one wants to come to my party. They want to come to a Stark Industries party with puppies in the gift bags and acrobats suspended from the ceiling and Avengers walking around like party clowns. Just hanging out with me wasn’t cool enough so they all bailed.” You sniffled and turned back to look out the window. Peter raised his hand to place it on your shoulder but then drew it back. He didn’t know if he was who you’d want to comfort you and he didn’t want to push it.

“I’m sorry.” He said instead.

“Like you care.” You laughed sadly and held your knees tighter to your chest.

“I do care.” He insisted. “And I’m very sorry this happened to you tonight.”

“No you’re not.” You scoffed. “You’re probably thrilled to see me like this. This is probably the greatest moment of your dumb life.”

“It’s not.” He said quietly. You finally whipped around to look at Peter and he saw the pain in your red eyes.

“It’s not? Look at me, Peter. I’m pathetic. I’m alone on my birthday because I wasn’t good enough for anyone to hang out with.” You exclaimed. Peter went quiet as you slowly caught your breath. You teased each other all the time but you’d never actually yelled at him before. You wiped your eyes with the tissue before staring at your hands.

“You were right.” You said quietly. “I am just a spoiled brat who people only like because of my connections. And I’m sure you’re anxiously waiting for me to shut up so you can say “I told you so” and prove to me once again that I’m always wrong.”

You and Peter sat in silence for a minute without looking at each other. Peter felt guilty that you were expecting him to kick you while you were down. You were feeling your own guilt for snapping at him when he was trying to be nice.

“I’m not gonna say that.” He said after a beat.

“It’s fine. I’m fine. Just go away.” You said miserably and turned back to the window. Peter opened his mouth to say something but shut it when he couldn’t find the words. He patted your shoulder twice before getting up and leaving your room. You turned to look at the door once he was gone and felt yourself missing his presence. You turned back to the window and stared out at the night sky through your teary eyes and let time pass.

After a while, you started to smell something. You sniffed the air until you recognized it as the scent of a something burning. Out of sheer curiosity, you wrapped a blanket around your shoulders and padded into the kitchen. You found Peter in the kitchen with a lace trimmed pink apron tied around his waist and flour smeared on his cheek. You smiled in surprise and leaned against the wall to watch him for a minute. He was humming to himself a song you didn’t recognize while scrapping a burnt black lump of something into the trash can. When he finally turned around, he jumped when he saw you.

“Jesus. You scared me. But I guess I should’ve known the smell of something baking would have your big back running to the kitchen like I hit the bat signal.”

“Shut up.” You chuckled. “What are you doing in here?”

“Well, your parents went to a movie since they thought your friends would be here. That means no ones home.” Peter began.

“And?” You asked.

“And so I thought we could fulfill a lifelong fantasy of mine and making sweet love to you on the kitchen counter.” He smiled suavely and raised his eyebrows at you.

“Excuse me?” Your jaw dropped as he drummed his fingertips on the counter.

“I’m joking. I’m clearly baking a bake. Or, I tried. I guess 500 degrees was too hot.” He said and looked at the burnt cake in the trash.

“Yeah, that’s a few hundred above what it should be. But why are you baking? We have a chef for that.”

“Because it’s your birthday you miserable bitch. And everyone deserves a cake baked with love. Now do you prefer chocolate or vanilla frosting on your burnt cake?” He asked and held up two cans of frosting. You looked between the two before your eyes settled on him. You hugged your blanket tighter around yourself and shook your head.

“I don’t want your pity.” You said quietly.

“You don’t have it so shut up and grab a spatula before I rescind your choice in the matter and funfetti the fuck out of this cake.” He replied and held out a spatula. You stared at it and felt compelled to take it and join him, but you were still throwing yourself a pity party.

“No.”

“No? Look, I’m trying to cheer your dumb ass up so can you please work with me here?” Peter sighed and looked at you. You stared at him for a while before cracking the slightest smile. He noticed the smile and knew he had succeeded in his plan to cheer you up.

“Fine. But I’m not eating that. That’s what Santa puts in the bad kids stockings. We’ll make a new one. But I’m not touching raw eggs.” You told him and grabbed your dad’s matching pink apron from the drawer.

“I wouldn’t expect you to, Princess.” Peter mumbled under his breath. You glared at him through your lashes as you threw some flour and sugar into a bowl. Peter went to put the butter in but you pushed his hand away.

“It can’t be cold butter or it won’t mix properly. It has to be room temperature.” You explained as you filled a measuring cup with water.

“Oh. Let’s pop it in the microwave then.”

“We can’t do that either. Then the hot butter will scramble the eggs. Do you want little egg bits in your cake?” You asked him as you microwaved the cup of water for a minute.

“Maybe just a little.” Peter replied as he watched you put the butter into a small bowl and then place the bowl on top of the microwaved water.

“There. This will soften the butter without making it hot enough to scramble the eggs.” You explained. He looked between your little invention and you for a minute before smiling.

“Wow. That was really smart.�� He said genuinely. “Women really do belong in the kitchen.”

“Shut up.” You rolled your eyes as you set the temperature to the correct heat on the oven. Peter couldn’t help but watch you over his shoulder as you combined the rest of the dry ingredients and expertly cracked an egg in one hand. He rarely got to see you like this, no makeup and in lounge clothes. And he definitely never saw you upset before. He was used to the perfectly groomed and standoffish version of yourself so this change of pace brought him unexpected joy.

“Move over. That’s not how you mix batter. You need to fold it.” You told him and reminded him of the you he knew. You bumped him with your hip and put your hands over his to help him fold the batter.

“Like laundry?” He asked as his cheeks heated up.

“Like you know what laundry is, Pigpen. And no. A different folding. Like this.” You said and helped him mix the batter until it was the desired consistency.

“Oh wow. That worked really well. I usually just go sicko mode until it turns into goop.” He confessed.

“And how does that work out for you?” You asked him.

“Look in the trash and you’ll find out.” Peter replied and eyed the burnt cake in the garbage can. You playfully rolled your eyes at him and kept helping him fold the batter. Everytime he tried to stir the batter, you gently corrected his hands to fold it instead.

“Why don’t you just do it?” He asked when he started getting frustrated with himself.

“Because you won’t learn if I do it.” You replied in a softer tone. Peter went quiet since you were being unexpectedly nice to him. You let the batter sit for minute once you were satisfied and then poured in into a cake pan.

“There. Thats gonna take about 30 minutes to bake and then it needs to cool before we frost it.” You told him as you shut the oven door.

“Oh, so we have 30 minutes? Then circling back to that making love on the counter idea-“

“Shut it.” You warned him. Peter pretended to zipper his lips and throw away the key. You cracked a smile before starting to clean up the kitchen. Peter wordlessly helped you tidy up and you exchanged a soft smile with each other in the silence of the kitchen.

“What was your worst birthday?” You asked after a long beat of silence.

“Are you talking to me?” Peter asked after looking around.

“Peter, we’re the only ones in the room.”

“Sorry. It’s not like you’ve ever asked me a personal question before. It’s usually “are you stupid?” or “can you go away?” or “do you need a tampon cry baby?” He recalled, making you feel bad for always being so mean to him.

“Oh. Sorry about that.” You said quietly. “I sound a lot meaner than I thought I was.”

“I’m mean too.” Peter shrugged.

“You tease me.” You shook your head. “I’m just cruel.”

“I think we are an equal amount of mean to each other. Don’t let it keep you up at night. I’m sure your chronic yeast infections do that enough.” Peter tried to lighten the mood, but you didn’t crack a smile. You seemed faraway in thought and he was curious as to why.

“Do you think I’m hard to be around?” You asked after a minute. Peter was about to crack another joke until he saw the look on your face. He could tell you needed a friend right now and was filled with determination to be one.

“No. I think those girls you called your “friends” are hard to be around.” He said seriously. “I’ve seen you with them. They’re the mean ones. Them bailing tonight has nothing to do with you. They’re a bunch of shallow jerks who only care about the material things in life. They don’t care about having deep connections with people. They only care about deep pockets on people. I know this isn’t the first time they’ve ditched you. And I know you feel alone even when they are here because you’re never fully included. You think no one notices because you tell stories about your charming adventures together but I see it in your eyes. They make you feel like an afterthought. You act tough and pretend it doesn’t bother you but I know that it does. You shouldn’t hang out with them anymore.”

“Then who am I going to hang out with?” You shrugged sadly. “Without them, I don’t have any friends.”

“Sitting alone is better than sitting at a table where you’re the topic of conversation when you get up.” Peter said simply. You stared at him for a moment before your eyes fell to the floor.

“I just don’t want to be alone.” You said quietly. Peter nodded his head in understanding and let a silence fall between the two of for a while. He was going to say that you wouldn’t be alone because you’d have him, but he didn’t know if you wanted to hear that.

“Can I ask you something?” He asked.

“No.” You said immediately. You made eye contact and you let out a sigh.

“Okay. Go ahead.”

“Why don’t you like me?” He asked without looking into our eyes. You saw that coming and stared at him to try and get a sense of what was going on in his head. He slowly looked back up at you and gave you a weak smile.

“Do you remember that time the power went out in the city due to that Max guy or whatever and we all lit candles and hung out in the tower?”

“Uh oh.” Peter gulped. “You answered my question with another question. That can’t be good.”

“Shut up. Do you remember or not?” You asked and gently kicked his foot with your foot.

“I remember that.” He told you and held your gaze.

“You were new around here. You had just gotten your powers that year so I didn’t really know you yet. I had gone to look for more candles and found you crying on the floor of the linen closet.

“I remember that.” He nodded. “It was all so overwhelming to be here with the whole team. I had never felt so small.”

“I know. I told you I felt like that too sometimes. And then we stayed up for hours talking about every stupid thing we ever worried about and gave each other advice. I think at one point I gave you advice on how much conditioner to use.” You said as you replayed the night in your memory. You had a look on your face that Peter had never seen on you before. It was natural and relaxed and playful, all things he knew to be the opposite of you. It was so rare that the two of you were getting along and he didn’t want to do anything to ruin in.

“A dime sized amount and not on the roots. I still use that advice.” He chuckled. “You were so nice to me that night. You came in and pretended I wasn’t crying so that I wouldn’t be embarrassed. You just sat down with me and started talking ad if we’d always been friends. You quieted all my fears that night. I was initially so embarrassed about it but then I felt a lot better knowing someone had my back no matter how bad I messed up.”

“I always had your back.” You insisted. “Even when I was mean to you. If you were in trouble with my dad, I was always here talking him down and trying to get him to see your side. He sees you through the lense of his child that he doesn’t want hurt but I’ve always seen you as a hero who wants to help. I even got him to give you the suit back when you were 15. And it was my idea to put the warmers in because you told me you’re always cold.”

“Really? You were rooting for me this whole time?” He cracked a smile in surprise.

“Yeah.” You shrugged. “Always.”

“Then how come you act like…” Peter trailed off in fear of insulting you.

“Like what?” You asked, sounding like you already knew what was coming.

“Like you hate me.” He admitted. You felt your face burn in embarrassment and shook your head.

“I don’t hate you.” You said sheepishly.

“You don’t?” He asked in genuine surprise. You looked at him and he could see the guilt in your eyes even in the dim light of the kitchen.

“No. I don’t. I never did.”

“Then how come we don’t get along anymore?” He asked. He had only gone along with all the teasing since you began it, but he had always wondered why it started.

“One of the things we had talked about that night was how my one regret about being homeschooled was never getting to experience a prom. I told you had dreamed of it since I was a little girl and it broke my heart to know I’d never have one. So then you said…” You trailed off, thinking he’d remember what he told you. His face showed no sign of remembering it but he racked his brain anyway.

“I said what?” He asked, breaking your heart just a little more.

“You promised to take me. To yours.” You told him. You and Peter stood in silence for a moment before he burst out laughing. Your sadness immediately hardened into anger at the sound of him laughing at you.

“Wait, you’ve been pissy towards me for the last few years because I broke a promise I made at 15 years old and didn’t take you to a stupid school dance?” Peter asked through a laugh. You glared at him for his reaction and he immediately stopped when he noticed you weren’t laughing too.

“Oh. We’re not laughing?” He asked.

“Why is that funny to you?” You snapped. Peter saw the moment slipping away from him and started to panic.

“Well I was- I was a kid.” He said simply. “I had a huge crush on this girl Liz and we were finally becoming friends so I asked her and she said yes. That was years after I promised you that. I’m sorry but I didn’t remember.”

Peter thought you were going to yell at him and hurl a parade of insults his way, but you just nodded your head and looked down at the ground.

“You’re right. We were just kids. Forget I said anything.” You mumbled and started walking towards the door to leave. Peter knew he had messed up big time and possibly just killed any and all chances of the two of you becoming friends.

“Wait.” He said desperately just as the kitchen timer went off. You stopped walking and watched him haphazardly take the cake out of the oven and throw it in the stove top as he blew on it.

“You should stay. We have to frost it.” He said with a weak smile and an even weaker attempt for you for stay.

“You can’t frost it while it’s hot. It’ll slip right off.” You said without looking at him.

“Oh. I didn’t know that. Well then do you want to talk some more or-“

“I have to go.” You cut him off and swiftly left the kitchen.

You went back to your room to resume the pouting you had started earlier. You felt guilty about walking out on Peter but it had hurt you to know that a promise that had meant a lot to you didn’t even stay in his memory. You stared out the window and sulked as you thought yourself into a deep rut. It didn’t take long for Peter to start making noise in the kitchen, interrupting your thought spiral. You heard things falling out of cabinets followed by Peter swearing. He bumbled around for a while and slowly drove you crazy with all the noise he was making until you couldn’t take it anymore. Just when you were about to text him and tell him the knock it off, you heard the dulcet sounds of “The Dancing Queen” coming from downstairs. You groaned in frustration and got out of bed to go downstairs and see what was happening.

When you got to the living room, Peter was standing there in one of your dad’s suits that hugged him a little too tightly around his muscles. The room looked like it had been decorated by a child with poorly hung streamers, ripped up construction paper to act as confetti, and bunches of webs that Peter had tried to shape into stars and moons. He had dimmed the lights and put a single bowl of chips on the counter, which he proudly stood beside.

“What the hell is this?” You asked him.

“Will you go to prom with me?” He asked with a huge smile.

“No.” You said immediately. “Please kill yourself.”

“I will.” He promised. “After one dance.”

“I’m not dancing with you. I’m not doing any of this.” You told him and turned to leave. You heard a “pst” right before feeling a web hit your back. Before you knew it, Peter tugged on the web and sent you stumbling back into Peter’s arms. He caught you with ease and winked when you landed in his arms. You rolled your eyes at him but felt a smile tugged at your lips.

“Please? Just one dance? Then I’ll let you go and hate me for the rest of your life.” He pleaded as he stared into your eyes. He looked so desperate that you found yourself nodding before you knew what you were agreeing to. He smiled in excitement and twirled you around before slowly swaying to the beat. You begrudgingly sighed and wrapped your arms around his neck while his stayed in a respectable place on your hips. You could feel his eyes on you but you kept yours on the ceiling.

“You can look at me, you know.” He teased, making you begrudgingly look him in the eyes.

“Oh. I almost forgot.” He smiled and pulled something out of his pocket. You looked down and saw a few poorly drawn flowers webbed to a rubber band.

“Your corsage, my lady.” He said as he slipped it onto your wrist.

“This is so stupid.” You laughed but secretly loved the thought he put into everything.

“It’s about to get even more stupid. Wait here.” He asked and quickly ran into the kitchen. He returned with one of Morgan’s plastic tiaras with a big fake gem in the center.

“Every prom needs its queen.” He said as he placed the crown on your head. You made eye contact as he stepped forward to adjust it and you felt your breath catch in your throat from how close he was.

“You didn’t have to do this.” You said quietly.

“Yes I did. I owed you a prom experience. I’m sorry I didn’t take you the first time. And I’m sorry for laughing at you. You just caught me off guard. I have spent many nights thinking of all the things I could have done to make you hate me. I genuinely forgot about that promise. I had no idea this entire time that you hated me because of prom.” He said as the two of you started swaying to the music again. You felt a feeling rise up in your chest, a feeling you hadn’t felt for Peter in many years.

“It wasn’t just the prom.” You admitted before you could think about it.

“It wasn’t? What else did I do? Did I hotbox the elevator with you in it or something?” He asked. “I did that to Wanda once and now she’ll show up in my dreams sometimes and make me pee the bed.”

“That’s disgusting.” You said flatly. “But no. It wasn’t that.”

“Then what?” He wondered.

“It’s stupid. You’ll just laugh again.”

“No I won’t.” He assured you. “Probably. I’ll definitely try really hard not to.

“Come on. Please tell me.” He pleaded and gave your hip a gentle squeeze. “You have to tell me now or I’ll become so annoying so quickly. I’ll be worse than those people who try to describe SNL skits to you and keep explaining even when it’s clearly only funny if you’re watching it.”

“I can’t tell you. It’s dumb anyway. Forget I said anything.” You said and hoped he’d drop it.

“It can’t be that dumb if it stood between us all these years. What, did you have a crush on me or something?” He laughed through his question. You went quiet and Peters eyes went wide.

“Oh shit. Did you have a crush on me?” He asked in a soft voice. You looked down at the ground to avoid having to look him in the eyes now that you were caught.

“I don’t know.” You sighed. “You were my age and had these cool powers and muscles and unexpected sense of humor. I was homeschooled and had swiped to the end of Tinder. You were my only option.”

“Oh. I see. So you only liked me because I was the only choice?” He said through a laugh but it hurt him. You could sense in his voice that you had just hurt his feelings and for once, that wasn’t what you wanted.

“I mean, not the only choice.” You added. “Cap used to hang around a lot more and he’s not the worst looking. But he’s like 500 so I never really had a chance.”

“Why me, then?” He wondered. You finally looked in to his eyes and shrugged a little.

“Because you were kind.” You admitted. “You didn’t need to take on as much as what you did at such a young age but you refused to do the easy stuff. You used to drive my dad crazy with how for you begged for assignments. You were so determined to get out there and save people, it was almost obnoxious. You were never content getting back stolen bikes. You always wanted to protect people from the big things. Even when you were just a kid. I liked that about you. I still do.”

“Still?” He gulped. “Even now?”

Before you could respond, the slow music that was playing ended and “Munch” started to blast from Peter phone. He scrambled to change the song but the moment had already been ruined.

“Sorry about that. I don’t know who put that on my playlist.” He quickly lied.

“It was you.”

“It was me, yeah.” He admitted and hung his head in shame. You stopped dancing and slowly withdrew your arms from him, making his heart sink.

“This was really sweet. Thank you, Peter.” You said genuinely. “I should probably get to bed now. I just want this day to end.”

“But we haven’t frosted the cake yet. It’s still your birthday. You can’t go to bed without any cake.” He said in a desperate attempt to get you to stay.

“I don’t know. It’s late.”

“Come on. It’ll be fast. That’s one of my powers. Spider can frost cake really fast and so can I.” He said and rushed over to the cake. He held it up and gave you a lopsided smile, convincing you to stay.

“Fine. Let’s make it fast.” You agreed and walked over to him. He smiled at you joining him and got out the frosting. He handed you a spatula and you started to frost the cake.

“You don’t have to keep wearing that if you don’t want.” Peter chuckled and went to take your crown off. You quickly swatted his hand and adjusted your crown.

“Back off. It’s mine.” You said and stepped away from him. He chuckled again and you laughed too.

“I really do appreciate everything you did for me tonight. I hope I can make it up to you one day.” You told him.

“You can make it up to me right now if we clear off this counter top and-“

“No.” You cut him off.

“Worth a try.” He mumbled.

“Really, though. You cheered me up tonight and I didn’t think that was possible.”

“In a way, I’m glad your stupid friends cancelled on you. It gave us an opportunity to spend time together. And this was the least I could do for not taking you to my real prom. Which was total buns, by the way. I missed most of it because I was putting my dates dad in jail.”

“Well I’m glad that didn’t happen tonight.” You laughed softly.

“Me either. I wish I took you to the first one. We could have been friends this whole time if I had just remembered my promise.” He sighed.

“It’s fine. It was a long time ago. I’m done moping about it. I’m ready to eat this cake and be friends from now on.”

“I’m ready for that too.” He smiled at you. “Especially the part about us being friends. But also for this cake because it’s kinda giving me a boner from how good it smells.”

“It does smell really good. I can’t even blame your boner. But if that thing even looks at me you’re getting impromptu gender reassignment surgery with this spatula.”

“Ouch.” He chuckled and looked over at you. He didn’t stop looking at you until you felt his eyes on you.

“What?” You laughed shyly.

“I can’t believe you ever liked me. And that this whole time, I had no idea. I am so not cool enough for a girl like you to like.”

“Yeah, well. It wasn’t like I dropped any hints.”

“Maybe not. It just doesn’t feel real. I wouldn’t believe it even if you weren’t always mean to me. You reciprocating my feelings was not something I ever thought would happen.”

“Reciprocating? You liked me too?” You asked as your mouth went dry.

“Are you kidding? You’re my mentors insanely hot and totally off limits daughter. Of course I liked you. Not to mention you’re funny, smart, good with a screwdriver and the apparently my biggest supporter. Though you did it in secret. Make no mistake, birthday girl. I had the biggest crush on you for years. Even when you were being mean to me.”

“Oh. I didn’t know.” You said quietly. You had your back to him as you washed your hands but you could feel his eyes on you. You peaked over your shoulder and sure enough, Peter’s eyes were locked on you. You gulped and turned back around when you heard him walking over to you.

“You know, as mean as your insults were, they were always clever. And you always looked good saying them. How could I not fall for you?” He said as he came up behind you. He was close enough that you could smell his cologne, along with a scent that was just distinctly Peter, making your heart pound in your ears. You turned around and leaned against the counter as you looked into his eyes.

“Well how do you feel now?” You asked with unwavering eye contact.

“I feel like those feelings never left.” He admitted. You had never heard such confidence in his voice and it was just the thing to tip the scales back in his favor.

“Hm. Interesting.” You shrugged and turned back around. It was almost like you could hear the disappointment in the air once you had your back to him again. You decided not to torture him forever and give in to what you both wanted.

“Peter?” You asked and looked over your shoulder at him.

“Yeah?”

“Clear the countertop.”

Tag List 🏷️

@thebookwormlife @imanativeofswlondondahling

@whatareyouhidingpeter @takenbyheartstrings

@imyourliquor-youremypoison @andreasworlsboring101

@peterparkoure

@justcallmehitgirl @jackiehollanderr

@emmamarshmellow @unbelievableholland

@sovereignparker @every-marveler-ever @undiadeestos @eridanuswave​ ​

@solarxmoonchild @canyouevencauseicant

@quaksonhehe @lovelessdagger

@thesuitelifeofafangirl @marshxx @nooneinvitedfascistbarbie

@maybemona

@alexxcorona113 @lethal-wisdom

@pandaxnienke

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@tomholland85

@olixerwxxd @leilanixx

@whereismytelephone @so-very-asleep

@spideyspeaches @hihiweezing

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@dhtomholland @insomniac-nerd-posts-things @prancerrparkerr

@hallecarey1 @adayasgeorgia @blackwidowisthebest @imawhoreforu

@ciarahollands

@nellabellaa @pinklxmonade @boogywoogywoogy

[nelfs]

nicotine based products are so evil really. everyone already knows this but think about it... vapes and cigs vastly increase your risk of suffering from terminal diseases but they're also massively wantable. and they make them as tasty and appealing as possible. theyre like Yeah we'll sell you the lung disease magic and you're really really gonna want it if you try it :P i know this is not news to anyone but im a very VERY light smoker who's trying to quit and i can't believe theyre allowed to sell us Evil Death Products That Make You Want Them (But They Also Make You Anxious) lol

[clockwayswrites]

@redghostbirdy Dick/Danny, skeleton shaped sugar cookies cw blood and stitches

Of course Dick still had to take his trash out after getting back from patrol. He was exhausted and wounded, but the trash had really gotten untenable and now had bio-waste in it. He had to take it down to the dumpster. It was almost a compulsion at that point to get it taken care of, or he knew he wouldn’t sleep well. As much as his family teased him about the state of his apartment he had his limits.

So, Dick tied up the bag, tugged it free of the bin, managed to slip on some shoes after a few attempts, and headed out into the hallway. And right into his neighbor.

His hot, brick wall of a neighbor that could totally bench press Dick in all the meanings of that phrase that Dick had totally been thinking a little too much about for the last few months.

“Whoa, careful there, darlin’,” Danny drawled, steadying Dick with large hands on both of Dick’s shoulders. “What are you doing wandering around out here at this time?”

“Um, trash?” Dick said ineloquently and raised the bag a little. The bag which apparently was leaking because his hand was wet.

Dick looked down at his hand and the red blood that coated it. Did his stitches pop?

“Ah, fuck,” Danny cussed and stepped back a little.

(Embarrassingly, Dick almost swayed after him.)

Danny lifted up the edge of his shirt, which may have killed what was left of Dick’s brain functions, to show blood flaked skin and—

“Is that a menstrual pad covering a wound?!”

Danny shrugged. “It’s just a little knife wound and Jess, the bouncer, hand one handy.”

“Oh my god. Just, come on, we’re getting that stitched up or at least bandaged properly,” Dick said. He set his bag of trash down by the door and grabbed Danny’s hand with his clean one to drag the bemused man into his apartment.

Luckily the first aid kit was still out on the little island counter and Dick all but pushed Danny onto one of the stools. Dick peeled the offending pad off maybe a little more harshly than was necessary and found a plastic bag to drop it into.

“I can’t believe that’s what you were using. And you call that little? How did you even get that? You’re the bartender! You’re supposed to be behind the bar.”

Danny just shrugged, an easy going and not at all repentant grin on his face. “I had to stop someone from being a creep.”

Dick just glared, mildly, at him as he washed his hands. He couldn’t really argue with that. He snapped on some gloves instead and set about cleaning Danny’s wound.

“I think this could use some stitches. I can do them, but I can also just get you patched up enough to go to urgent care if you’d feel more comfortable with that.”

“You can do them.”

“…yeah?” Dick asked just to be sure and glanced up at Danny.

Danny shrugged again. “I mean, you do have a very well stocked first aid kit on your counter already. Why was that?”

“Hush.”

Dick covered the area around the wound with a numbing agent while Danny chuckled at the non answer.

“If I promise to be a better patient than your students, do I get a cute bandage?”

Dick smiled despite himself as he threaded the needle. “All the cute bandages are at the gym. Stay still now.”

“Damn,” Danny said, and then waited until after Dick had started the stitches to ask, “What about a lollipop?”

“I might have some jelly beans still,” Dick said, grinning now. He kept his eyes on his work though, not wanting to give Danny uneven stitches.

Thankfully, Danny didn’t need that many and Dick was soon tying them off and taking a step back.

“No fun bandage, no lollipop,” Danny sighed, “what about a kiss to make it all better?”

Dick’s gaze shot up to look at Danny and his cheeky little smirk.

“Or did I miss read things completely?”

Dick rolled his eyes at Danny’s confidence, though it made him smile. “I think a kiss to make it better I can do.”

Danny’s smile turned into a full on grin. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Dick said and leaned in to press his lips to Danny’s.

He tasted like spice, lime, and sugar.

[lesbianjohnlennon]

It's queer! by Nelson Motta (O Pasquim)

"o pasquim" was a brazilian alternative weekly, known for its paradoxical and satirical nature, published between 1969 and 1991. it was recognized for its engagement with the brazilian counterculture scene of the 1960s and for its role in opposing the military regime. in 1970, the magazine published an article about john and paul (and brian) affair, written by nelson motta. here's the translation (with adicional notes) 👇

It’s queer! by Nelson Motta

Paul McCartney loved John Lennon, who loved Brian Epstein, who loved Paul McCartney. All the whole London music scene (1) knows this, and there, the famous suspicion about Paul's “death”, which originated with an American DJ, didn't catch on.

The "death" theory is well-constructed, but the true story (the one about their faggotry (2)) makes much more sense. And it's much spicier. I prove what I said (3):

Everything was going great in the John-Paul-Epstein triangle. Everyone loved each other, they adored jelly beans, everything was rosy, smoke and mirrors, etc. Ringo and George Harrison were always on a different page. The duo was Lennon and McCartney — they sang together, composed together, did everything together. Together with Brian Epstein, of course, who was openly queer and quite relaxed about it.

Everything was fine until Paul and John decided that two's company and three's a crowd, etc., and kicked Epstein out of the bed.

It's not proven, but many serious and well-informed people claim that Epstein committed suicide after a fight with Paul. Epstein supposedly gave Paul a very valuable gift, which Paul not only ignored but also hung up on Epstein, who, in despair, killed himself.

But John and Paul had many arguments, especially when Paul was still single and John was already tied down with the Japanese woman. The nippo, who is very wild and forward-thinking (4), didn't mind sharing John with Paul, but McCartney (that face never fooled Sérgio Cabral (5)) had jealousy issues. They fought and made up many times, even through music.

To "show the proof"(6) (I'm not sure why this phrase keeps coming up): Paul made up by composing Get Back (To Me) (7), and Lennon responded with a passionate interpretation of Oh Darling that everyone thought was "darling" (in the female sense) but was actually "darling" (in the male sense)(8). These are some of the great ambiguities of the English language.

But the Japanese woman really tied John Lennon down; no one knows exactly how. Or rather, everyone knows how.

The press started reporting that they were fighting a lot, and the explanations were always about "business and musical matters." Only a fool would believe that, since it's known that Apple was never in danger, none of the Beatles were at risk of starving, and the duo's musical production never suffered any drop in quality or sudden change in style.

After his last fight with John, Paul met Linda Eastman, who, through talks and things like that, convinced him to re-establish his heterosexuality (9). Probably out of revenge, Paul ended up marrying her to get back at John with a "for your information, I've already found someone else to replace you." (10)

The final result: John recording solo (Instant Karma is third on the American charts) while Paul is also making waves as a solo artist with Let It Be, first place on the American charts, and Paul's solo album has already been released.

Some clueless people might ask, "But how do Lennon & McCartney songs keep appearing?"

Elementary, my dear Jaguar (11): The duo has an exclusive contract with the music publisher Northern Songs until 1972, and everything one does will carry the other's name, at least nominally, as a partner. This practice is very common among songwriting duos where both contribute to the lyrics and music interchangeably.

You must admit that, at the very least, this is a respectable theory. I can't prove it because I've never been involved in this affair, which is absolutely not my specialty.

They’re the ones who are queer; let them figure it out.

notes:

(1) in the original, “patota musical de londres”. “patota” has a kind of pejorative meaning of a group of people. also means a group of friends or colleagues.

(2) in the original, “bichisse”, and it was the best way of translation that i could find.

(3) in the original, “mato a cobra e mostro o (the) pau”. again the best i could find.

(4) in the original, “superprafrentex”, which was a common slang in brazil in the 70s, used to describe someone who was modern and progressive.

(5) sérgio cabral was a famous journalist in brazil, and one of the founders of “o pasquim”.

(6) again, in the original, “mato a cobra e mostro o (the) pau”.

(7) in the original, “Get Back (Volta pra mim)”, which is funnier in portuguese and i tried to keep the tone.

(8) in Portuguese, every noun has a gender. darling can be translated to “querida” (feminine) or “querido” (masculine). 

(9) in the original, “restabelecer a mão única”. “mão única”, which literally translates to “one-way street”, makes a reference to paul’s sexuality, implying he was going (or into) on both “ways”, men and women.

(10) in the original, “pra teu governo já tenho outra em teu lugar”, another idiom. but works in english, anyway.

(11) in the original, “Elementar, meu caro Jaguar”, a playful reference to sherlock holmes’ line.

disclaimer: this was written in 1970, so is full of outdated expressions (and slurs) so read carefully!

[najia-cooks]

[ID: First image shows four small porcelain bowls of a pudding topped with slivered almonds and pomegranates seeds, seen from above. Second image is an extreme close-up showing the blue floral pattern on the china, slivered almonds, golden raisins, and pomegranate seeds on top of part of the pudding. End ID]

անուշապուր / Anush apur (Armenian wheat dessert)

Anush apur is a sweet boiled wheat pudding, enriched with nuts and dried fruits, that is eaten by Armenians to celebrate special occasions. One legend associates the dish with Noah's Ark: standing on Mt. Ararat (Արարատ լեռը) and seeing the rainbow of God's covenant with humanity, Noah wished to celebrate, and called for a stew to be prepared; because the Ark's stores were diminishing, the stew had to be made with small amounts of many different ingredients.

The consumption of boiled grains is of ancient origin throughout the Levant and elsewhere in West Asia, and so variations of this dish are widespread. The Armenian term is from "անուշ" ("anush") "sweet" + "ապուր" ("apur") "soup," but closely related dishes (or, arguably, versions of the same dish) have many different, overlapping names.

In Arabic, an enriched wheat pudding may be known as "سْنَينِيّة" ("snaynīyya"), presumably from "سِنّ" "sinn" "tooth" and related to the tradition of serving it on the occasion of an infant's teething; "قَمْح مَسْلُوق‎" ("qamḥ masluq"), "boiled wheat"; or "سَلِيقَة" ("salīqa") or "سَلِيقَة القَمْح" ("salīqa al-qamḥ"), "stew" or "wheat stew," from "سَلَقَ‎" "salaqa" "to boil." Though these dishes are often related to celebrations and happy occasions, in some places they retain an ancient association with death and funerary rites: qamh masluq is often served at funerals in the Christian town of بَيْت جَالَا ("bayt jālā," Beit Jala, near Bethlehem).

A Lebanese iteration, often made with milk rather than water, is known as "قَمْحِيَّة" ("qamḥīyya," from "qamḥ" "wheat" + "ـِيَّة" "iyya," noun suffix).

A similar dish is known as "بُرْبَارَة" ("burbāra") by Palestinian and Jordanian Christians when eaten to celebrate the feast of Saint Barbara, which falls on the 4th of December (compare Greek "βαρβάρα" "varvára"). It may be garnished with sugar-coated chickpeas and small, brightly colored fennel candies in addition to the expected dried fruits and nuts.

In Turkish it is "aşure," from the Arabic "عَاشُوْرَاء" ("'āshūrā"), itself from "عَاشِر" ("'āshir") "tenth"—because it is often served on the tenth day of the month of ٱلْمُحَرَّم ("muḥarram"), to commemorate Gabriel's teaching Adam and Eve how to farm wheat; Noah's disembarkment from the Ark; Moses' parting of the Red Sea; and the killing of the prophet الْحُسَيْن بْنِ عَلِي (Husayn ibn 'Ali), all of which took place on this day in the Islamic calendar. Here it also includes various types of beans and chickpeas. There is also "diş buğdayı," "tooth wheat" (compare "snayniyya").

These dishes, as well as slight variations in add-ins, have varying consistencies. At one extreme, koliva (Greek: "κόλλυβα"; Serbian: "Кољиво"; Bulgarian: "Кутя"; Romanian: "colivă"; Georgian: "კოლიო") is made from wheat that has been boiled and then strained to remove the boiling water; at the other, Armenian anush apur is usually made thin, and cools to a jelly-like consistency.

Anush apur is eaten to celebrate occasions including New Year's Eve, Easter, and Christmas. In Palestine, Christmas is celebrated by members of the Armenian Apostolic church from the evening of December 24th to the day of December 25th by the old Julian calendar (January 6th–7th, according to the new Gregorian calendar); Armenian Catholics celebrate on December 24th and 25th by the Gregorian calendar. Families will make large batches of anush apur and exchange bowls with their neighbors and friends.

The history of Armenians in Palestine is deeply interwoven with the history of Palestinian Christianity. Armenian Christian pilgrimages to holy sites in Palestine date back to the 4th century A.D., and permanent Armenian monastic communities have existed in Jerusalem since the 6th century. This enduring presence, bolstered by subsequent waves of immigration which have increased and changed the character of the Armenian population in Palestine in the intervening centuries, has produced a rich history of mutual influence between Armenian and Palestinian food cultures.

In the centuries following the establishment of the monasteries, communities of Armenian laypeople arose and grew, centered around Jerusalem's Վանք Հայոց Սրբոց Յակոբեանց ("vank hayots surbots yakobeants"; Monastery of St. James) (Arabic: دَيْر مَار يَعْقُوب "dayr mār ya'qūb"). Some of these laypeople were descended from the earlier pilgrims. By the end of the 11th century, what is now called the Armenian Quarter—an area covering about a sixth of the Old City of Jerusalem, to the southwest—had largely attained its present boundaries.

Throughout the 16th and 17th centuries, the Patriarchate in Jerusalem came to have direct administrative authority over Armenian Christians across Palestine, Lebanon, Egypt, and Cyprus, and was an important figure in Christian leadership and management of holy sites in Jerusalem (alongside the Greek Orthodox and Roman Catholic churches). By the middle of the 19th century, a small population of Armenian Catholics had joined the larger Armenian Apostolic community as permanent residents in Jerusalem, living throughout the Muslim Quarter (but mostly in a concentrated enclave in the southwest); in the beginning of the 20th century, there were between 2,000 and 3,000 Armenians of both churches in Palestine, a plurality of whom (1,200) lived in Jerusalem.

The Turkish genocide of Armenians beginning in 1915 caused significant increases in the populations of Armenian enclaves in Palestine. The Armenian population in Jerusalem grew from 1,500 to 5,000 between the years of 1918 and 1922; over the next 3 years, the total number of Armenians in Palestine (according to Patriarchate data) would grow to 15,000. More than 800 children were taken into Armenian orphanages in Jerusalem; students from the destroyed Չարխափան Սուրբ Աստվածածին վանք (Charkhapan Surb Astvatsatsin Monastery) and theological seminary in Armash, Armenia were brought to the Jerusalem Seminary. The population of Armenian Catholics in the Muslim Quarter also increased during the first half of the 20th century as immigrants from Cilicia and elsewhere arrived.

The immediate importance of feeding and housing the refugees despite a new lack of donations from Armenian pilgrims, who had stopped coming during WW1—as well as the fact that the established Armenian-Palestinians were now outnumbered by recent immigrants who largely did not share their reformist views—disrupted efforts on the part of lay communities and some priests to give Armenian laypeople a say in church governance.

The British Mandate, under which Britain assumed political and military control of Palestine from 1923–1948, would further decrease the Armenian lay community's voice in Jerusalem (removing, for example, their say in elections of new church Patriarchs). The British knew that the indigenous population would be easier to control if they were politically and socially divided into their separate religious groups and subjected to the authority of their various religious hierarchies, rather than having direct political representation in government; they also took advantage of the fact that the ecclesiastical orders of several Palestinian Christian sects (including the Armenian Patriarchate of Jerusalem) comprised people from outside of Palestine, who identified with religious hierarchy and the British authorities more than they identified with the Palestinian lay communities.

British policy, as well as alienating Armenians from politics affecting their communities, isolated them from Arab Palestinians. Though the previously extant Armenian community (called "քաղաքացի" "kaghakatsi," "city-dwellers") were thoroughly integrated with the Arab Palestinians in the 1920s, speaking Arabic and Arabic-accented Armenian and eating Palestinian foods, the newer arrivals (called "زُوَّار" / "զուվվար" "zuwwar," "visitors") were unfamiliar with Palestinian cuisine and customs, and spoke only Armenian and/or Turkish. Thus British policies, which differentiated people based on status as "Arab" (Muslim and Christian) versus "Jewish," left new Armenian immigrants, who did not identify as Arab, disconnected from the issues that concerned most Palestinians. They were predominantly interested in preserving Armenian culture, and more concerned with the politics of the Armenian diaspora than with local ones.

Despite these challenges, the Armenian Patriarchate of Jerusalem came to be a vital center of religious and secular culture for the Armenian diaspora during the British Mandate years. In 1929, Patriarch Yeghishe Turian reëstablished the Սուրբ Յակոբեանց Տպարան ("surbots yakobeants taparan"; St. James printing house); the Patriarchate housed important archives relating to the history of the Armenian people; pilgrimages of Armenians from Syria, Lebanon, and Egypt increased and the economy improved, attracting Armenian immigrants in higher numbers; Armenians held secular roles in governance, policing, and business, and founded social, religious, and educational organizations and institutions; Armenians in the Old and New Cities of Jerusalem were able to send financial aid to Armenian victims of a 1933 earthquake in Beirut, and to Armenians expelled in 1939 when Turkey annexed Alexandretta.

The situation would decline rapidly after the 1947 UN partition resolution gave Zionists tacit permission to expel Palestinians from broad swathes of Palestine. Jerusalem, intended by the plan to be a "corpus separatum" under international administration, was in fact subjected to a months-long war that ended with its being divided into western (Israeli) and eastern (Palestinian) sections. The Armenian population of Palestine began to decline; already, 1947 saw 1,500 Armenians resettled in Soviet Armenia. The Armenian populations in Yafa and Haifa would fall yet more significantly.

Still, the Armenian Patriarchate of Jerusalem maintained its role as the center of Armenian life in Palestine; the compound provided food and shelter to thousands of Armenians during the Battle for Jerusalem and the Nakba (which began in 1948). Some Armenians formed a militia to defend the Armenian Quarter against Haganah shelling during the battle.

In the following years, historical British contributions to the shoring up of insular power in the Patriarchate would cause new problems. The Armenian secular community, no longer empowered to oversee the internal workings of the Patriarchate, could do nothing to prevent embezzling, corruption, and even the sale of church-owned land and buildings to settlers.

In 1967, Israeli military forces annexed East Jerusalem, causing another, albeit smaller, surge in Armenian emigration from the city. Daphne Tsimhoni estimates based on various censuses that the Armenian population of Jerusalem, which had reached 5,000-7,000 at its peak in 1945–6, had fallen back to 1,200 by 1978.

Today, as in the 20th century, Armenians in Jerusalem (who made up nearly 90% of the Armenian population of Palestine as of 1972) are known for the insularity of their community, and for their skill at various crafts. Armenian food culture has been kept alive and well-defined by successive waves of immigrants. As of 2017, the Armenian Patriarchate supplied about 120 people a day with Armenian dishes, including Ղափամա / غاباما "ghapama" (pumpkin stuffed with rice and dried fruits), թոփիկ / توبيك "topig" (chickpea-and-potato dough stuffed with an onion, nut, fruit, and herb filling, often eaten during Lent), and Իչ / ايتش "eetch" (bulgur salad with tomatoes and herbs).

Restaurants lining the streets of the Armenian and Christian quarters serve a mixture of Armenian and Palestinian food. Լահմաջո "lahmadjoun" (meat-topped flatbread), and հարիսա / هريس "harisa" (stew with wheat and lamb) are served alongside ֆալաֆել / فلافل ("falafel") and մուսախան / مسخن ("musakhkhan"). One such restaurant, Taboon Wine Bar, was the site of a settler attack on Armenian diners in January 2023.

Up until 2023, despite fluctuations in population, the Armenian community in Jerusalem had been relatively stable when compared to other Armenian communities and to other quarters of the Old City; the Armenian Quarter had not been subjected to the development projects to which other quarters had been subjected. However, a deal which the Armenian Patriarchate had secretly and unilaterally made with Israel real estate developer Danny Rotham in 2021 to lease land and buildings (including family homes) in the Quarter led Jordan and Palestine to suspend their recognition of the Patriarch in May of 2023.

On 26th October, the Patriarchate announced that it was cancelling the leasing deal. Later the same day, Israeli bulldozers tore up pavement and part of a wall in حديقة البقر ("ḥadīqa al-baqar"; Cows' Garden; Armenian: "Կովերի այգու"), the planned site of a new luxury hotel. On 5th November, Rothman and other representatives of Xana Gardens arrived with 15 settlers—some of them with guns and attack dogs—and told local Armenians to leave. About 200 Armenian Palestinians arrived and forced the settlers to stand down.

On 12th and 13th November, the developer again arrived with bulldozers and attempted to continue demolition. In response, Armenian Palestinians have executed constant sit-ins, faced off against bulldozers, and set up barricades to prevent further destruction. The Israeli occupation police backed settlers on another incursion on 15th November, ordering Armenian residents to vacate the land and arresting three.

On December 28th, a group of Armenian bishops, priests, deacons, and seminary students (including Bishop Koryoun Baghdasaryan, the director of the Patriarchate's real estate department) were attacked by a group of more than 30 people armed with sticks and tear gas. The Patriarchate attributed this attack to Israeli real estate interests trying to intimidate the Patriarchate into abandoning their attempt to reverse the lease through the court system. Meanwhile, anti-Armenian hate crimes (including spitting on priests) had noticeably increased for the year of 2023.

These events in Palestine come immediately after the ethnic cleansing of Լեռնային Ղարաբաղ ("Lernayin Gharabagh"; Nagorno-Karabakh); Israel supplied exploding drones, long-range missiles, and rocket launchers to help Azerbaijan force nearly 120,000 Armenians out of the historically Armenian territory in September of 2023 (Azerbaijan receives about 70% of its weapons from Israel, and supplies about 40% of Israel's oil).

Support Palestinian resistance by donating to Palestine Action’s bail fund; buying an e-sim for distribution in Gaza; or donating to help a family leave Gaza.

Ingredients

180g (1 cup) pearled wheat (قمح مقشور / խո��որ ձաւար), soaked overnight

3 cups water

180-360g (a scant cup - 1 3/4 cup) sugar, or to taste

Honey or agave nectar (optional)

1 cup total diced dried apricots, prunes, golden raisins, dried figs

1 cup total chopped walnuts, almonds, pistachios

1 tsp rosewater (optional)

Ceylon cinnamon (դարչին) or cassia cinnamon (կասիա)

Aniseed (անիսոն) (optional)

Large pinch of salt

Pomegranate seeds, to top (optional)

A Palestinian version of this dish may add pine nuts and ground fennel.

Pearled wheat is whole wheat berry that has gone through a "pearling" process to remove the bran. It can be found sold as "pearled wheat" or "haleem wheat" in a halal grocery store, or a store specializing in South Asian produce.

Amounts of sugar called for in Armenian recipes range from none (honey is stirred into the dish after cooking) to twice the amount of wheat by weight. If you want to add less sugar than is called for here, cook down to a thicker consistency than called for (as the sugar will not be able to thicken the pudding as much).

Instructions

1. Submerge wheat in water and scrub between your hands to clean and remove excess starch. Drain and cover by a couple inches with hot water. Cover and leave overnight.

2. Drain wheat and add to a large pot. Add water to cover and simmer for about 30 minutes until softened, stirring and adding more hot water as necessary.

Wheat before cooking

Wheat after cooking

3. Add dried fruit, sugar, salt, and spices and simmer for another 30 minutes, stirring occasionally, until wheat is very tender. Add water as necessary; the pudding should be relatively thin, but still able to coat the back of a spoon.

4. Remove from heat and stir in rosewater and honey. Ladle pudding into individual serving bowls and let cool in the refrigerator. Serve cold decorated with nuts and pomegranate seeds.

[gustavsbrainneuron]

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ The only time I can be normal.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎2008 Zombie Bill Kaulitz × female reader.

Warnings: silly & "scary" fic, zombie stuff??...basically Bill becoming friends with reader.

Author's note: I WAS WAITING OCTOBWR TO COME SO I COULD.POST THIS. I. LOVE HALLOWEEN. :3 English is not my first language so i'm sorry if there are any mistakes.

The leaves crunched with every step you took back, this boy wasn't normal.

It all started at the beginning of the 31st. You woke up with the arrival of the triumphant day that celebrated the; Halloween. October was your favorite time, perhaps because of the air of mystery that this month gave? To the leaves changing color and falling to the ground, houses decorated with scary things, people arguing about what costume to wear, summer leaving and finally giving way for winter to arrive...all of this was very good for you.

You honestly didn't know what costume to wear for Halloween. Vampires? Classic, who wouldn't want to be a vampire? Sometimes, you even wondered if vampires really existed and on Halloween, perhaps it was the only day they could mingle with humans. Ghost? No. Evil mermaid who probably seduces men and takes them to the sea and kills them? No. A bride who killed her husband and wears a necklace with a reddish stone where his soul is trapped inside for eternity? No. Everything seemed very classic, very normal. But you didn't want to go trick-or-treating without a costume. But who said you hated classic costumes? Without any idea, you dressed up as a witch. Pointed hat, elegant dress with lots of details, a black cape long enough to give a mysterious air, slightly heavy makeup, with black eyelids, very reddish lips. Everything was perfect for Halloween.

As night arrived, people started to leave their homes, your neighborhood starting to be full of children and teenagers going here and there to ask for sweets. That was your favorite part, getting free candy! Obviously you went to ask for sweets with friends, after all you always had a ritual on Halloween night; separate sweets equally for all your friends.

"How long will you take?? Me and the girls still want to do trick or treat!!" One of your friends yelled, while you were in your room, facing a mirror, fixing your makeup. "Just be patient, okay? I'm sure there's still plenty of candy out there!" You replied back, finishing applying your reddish lipstick, running downstairs, grabbing your pumpkin-shaped basket to go ask for sweets. "I'm ready!!" You said, opening the front door of your house, seeing your friends dressed up, each one more creative than the other. "Woooow, you killed it this year!" One of your friends commented, approaching you to gently run her hand over the black cape you wore, adjusting the fabric. The other friends nodded, observing your costume. "Thanks. You guys don't look too bad either."

And so the night began. Your friends and you walked almost all over the city, looking for sweets. You filled your basket with sweets and so did they! When everyone's basket was full, you decided it was better to stop taking sweets and get to the best part; separate and devour all these sweets!

Your friends and you walked back to your house and sat on the sidewalk, ready to sort out the sweets and talk, whether it was about some school gossip or songs they were liking at the moment, it was pretty random. Once you shared the sweets equally, you started eating while talking. This time it wasn't about some school gossip or current hit songs. It was something scarier.

"You know, I saw someone talking about seeing a zombie." A friend commented while chewing a chocolate, looking at the asphalt while the wind carried the leaves away. "Zombies? They don't exist. It must just be someone dressed as a zombie." You replied, giving a skeptical laugh, not believing what your friend said. "Yeah, probably." Another friend commented, opening a bag of jelly beans. "No. One of the kids at school said it was true. He said he saw a zombie walking around. A real zombie." Another friend spoke up, believing the rumor. "It's not like this zombie is here to eat specifically our brains. We just shouldn't stay here until it gets late." The friend who wasn't buying into this zombie thing said, a little ironically. "This sounds like a story to make children scared. I don't think there is such a thing as a zombie." You replied, stopping eating sweets, thoughtful about the possibility that perhaps there is an undead among humans. It made you curious, but it was probably a lie.

As the night approached, your friends left and only you were out there, sitting on the sidewalk, eating sweets. Until a sound caught your attention, a cat's meow. A very loud meow. Cats were you weak point! You got up from the sidewalk, following the meow sound, walking until you stopped in front of a forest. Okay, either you were a dumb horror movie character or you were smart enough not to go into the woods at night. Fuck it - you thought, entering the forest and trying to find where the cat were, finding a white kitten with black spots, which walked up to you and began meowing loudly. Gently, you crouched down to stroke the kitten's head, hearing the cat purr and put its head forward against your hand, responding to your gesture of affection.

Until a sound of footsteps caught your attention, the footsteps came from behind, the dry autumn leaves betraying whoever was walking towards you. Could it be a human or an animal? Hesitantly, you slowly turned your head back and the moonlight illuminated the face of a boy with black, spiky hair, his lower lip area rotten; showing a bit of his dental arch. Scared, you got up and took the kitten in your lap, looking at the boy who was looking back at you. He was about eight steps away from you and even so, he was scary, simply because he didn't say anything. He tried to take a slow step forward, grunting softly almost as if he wanted to say something.

In fear, you took steps back holding the kitten in your hands as you focused your gaze on that boy. The leaves crunched with every step you took back, that boy wasn't normal. It was then that he took longer steps, approaching you faster; which made you run away without looking back, your body feeling cold from the fear coursing through your veins.

Trying to lose the boy, you ran faster. The kitten meowed loudly, wanting to jump out of your arms, but you held him, wanting to keep him safe. What a stupid idea - you thought, mentally cursing yourself for having entered a forest where you didn't know the way out. You glanced over your shoulder and the boy was still there, running limply, wanting to get closer for some reason you had no idea and didn't want to stop to find out. "W-wait!" The boy grunted in a tired voice, making you unable to understand much of the words that came out of his mouth.

All your despair was interrupted when you tripped, falling to the ground and feeling pain in one of your knees, the kitten ran away from you, while the boy approached you. You were feeling too tired from running and in pain to get up, but you still tried to drag your own body, but that was unsuccessful.

"Are you okay?" The boy's voice asked hoarsely, showing concern, slowly approaching you, making you hear his footsteps getting closer and closer to you. "Please don't eat my brain!" You exclaimed in a desperate voice, trying to get up again; without success.

"Eat your brain?" He repeated his words almost as if he felt offended. "Why do you think that?" He snapped, crossing his arms as he watched your failed attempts to get up. "You literally ran after me like a maniac with that... scary appearance!" You defended yourself, turning your body so that you were on your back, looking in his direction. "Maniac? Spare me. You're a cat thief." He defended himself too. Looking down, you saw the kitten sitting next to him, watching you too. How could someone stop in a situation like that? It was something so awkward that it even made you look away from the cat, looking to the side. "Aha. I know that guilty look." He replied, shaking his head negatively and giving a low laugh, approaching with slow steps again. "It's okay. Let me help you up." He stated, walking over and grabbing your arm. You used the only strength you had to stand up and put your arm around his shoulders. "I'm sorry. It's just that I was scared. You don't look normal." You commented, soon regretting your choice of words. "Not that you're any different! It's just that you know? There are scary stories in this time of the month...and I didn't know anyone would be out there at this time of night."

"Scary stories? More like gossip. I know people in this town are talking about me." He said, having the strength to keep me leaning against him despite the rotten appearance. "But I don't want to hurt anyone." He stated, walking with me in a direction of the forest and I only let him because he seemed to know what he was doing. "Have you been around here?" You questioned, wanting to make small talk. "Enough to know where we are and how to get out." He quickly responded, letting out a very low growl. "So you've actually been around here a lot."

An awkward silence stretched between you two and was it really an weird situation, a zombie helping a girl who got hurt trying to escape from him? That was so silly. It looked like something from a romantic, forbidden movie, you know? Embarrassing and funny at the same time. "Name?" He questioned suddenly, walking through the forest where you could already see where the two of you were before you started running. "Y/n. And yours?" You questioned back, letting out a low whimper in pain, maybe you had scraped your knee or something, one of your legs hurt a lot and you were taking crooked steps. "Bill."

Bill guided you to a square, where the two of you sat on a bench. He looked at your scraped knee and just made a pained expression in response, not knowing exactly how to help. The square was pleasant, especially now that it was empty and everyone was inside their homes, it seemed like only you were there, along with a zombie, really a unique experience.

"Sooo..how did you turn into..this?" You questioned out of nowhere, looking at Bill, talking about his rotten appearance. "A zombie?" He responded with a question, his face showing slight confusion. You just nodded, curious to know where he came from and how he became undead. "I don't know exactly. One day you're dead and the next day you're just alive again." He responded, looking down, speaking in a low voice, almost as if he was embarrassed to talk about it. "I'm not at my best though, well...better than nothing, right?" He spoke rhetorically, giving a weak, sarcastic laugh. "I don't think you're ugly." You replied, looking at him. Okay, you literally ran away from him minutes ago but now, listening to him talking so normally, gave you the feeling that he was a normal, alive boy, despite his rotten appearance. "The first thing you did when you saw me was run." He said, making you quickly respond to him. "It's not every day I encounter a zombie, okay? And I've already apologized."

. . . . . .

"Do you eat brains? Just like in the horror movies?" You questioned, wanting to make the atmosphere less awkward between the two of you. Bill looked at you, his eyebrows furrowing. "It's hard. Sometimes yes and sometimes no. And anyway, I don't look for my food in humans, if that's what you want to know." He responded calmly, wanting to make you more comfortable around him. "Maybe you were cursed by a witch and now you have to be a zombie forever." You commented ironically, giggling and changing the subject as well. "The witch must have been you." He replied, laughing lowly, pointing to your witch costume. You sighed dramatically, placing your hand on your chest gently. "Me?? I wouldn't be that mean. I would do the opposite. I would create a spell to detransform you." He laughed at your dramatic pretense, rolling his blurry white eyes. "Mhm, sure."

You and Bill ended up talking there in the square, sitting on the bench and, in fact, he was a really nice and interesting boy. The interests you had he had too and it was nice to have someone to talk to about certain topics, even though that person was quite peculiar.

"You know, I'm not that different from you." You said as you looked at the ground, seeing the autumn leaves there, stuck to the slightly damp ground from dawn. "No?" He responded ironically, smiling sideways. "No. My transformation is already beginning." You stated, pointing to your scraped knee, the raw flesh trying to heal. Your response got a laugh out of Bill and his laugh rubbed off on you, making the two of you look like two lunatics laughing in the middle of the square at night - but hey, a zombie friend doesn't seem so bad, right?

[garvalhaminho]

randomly remembered this trend but trauma dump salad with the tmi gang <3

simon: i was kidnapped 3+ separate times and i brought the bowl

jace: my adoptive father made me think i was in love with my sister and i brought the haribo gummy bears

magnus: my ex tried to convince my boyfriend to kill me and i brought the ferrero rocher

clary: hi!! i had to kill my father and brother and watch my bsf of ten years die in front of me and i brought the jelly beans

alec: when i entered hell my dream of my deepest wish was that my father appreciated me for who i am and now he's dead and i brought the marshmallows

isabelle: for a big part of my teenage years i had to date around and not get attached so my parents would focus on my dating life and not my gay brother's lack thereof and i brought sour patch kids

clary: back to say i had visions of my own death and i brought hershey's kisses

[rottenpumpkin13]

SephGen does trauma dump candy salad

Sephiroth: My name is Sephiroth, and when I was five, I inquired about the taste of candy, and Professor Hojo proceeded to show me a slideshow of gruesome diabetes-related deaths.

*He pours gummy bears into the bowl*

Genesis: Hi, I'm Genesis and when I was nine, I broke my leg after falling from an apple tree, then my parents had a dinner party two nights later and didn't want me hobbling around on crutches because it was unsightly. So they made me stay in my room all night and told everyone I was at theater camp.

*He pours gummy worms into the bowl*

Sephiroth: Hello I'm Sephiroth, and when I was two, Professor Hojo taught me to swim by throwing me into the deep end of a pool. When I started drowning, he sicced an infant Midgardsormr on me, hoping it would inspire me to swim faster.

*He pours jelly beans into the bowl*

Genesis: I'm Genesis and when I was ten, I asked for a chemistry set for my birthday, which my parents gave me, but chastised me for picking a hobby with no future, then when I invented Banora White juice a few years later, they capitalized on my invention and now profit off of it.

*He pours apple gummies into the bowl*

Sephiroth: My name is Sephiroth, and as a teenager, I was sent on my first field mission where I met three SOLDERs, and one of them was Glenn Lodbrok, who I bonded with, as I had never had friends or fun before, and later considered him a father figure. Then when we decided to save Rosen from Rhadore as it was being destroyed, I was instead made to kill Rosen upon his request. It was my first human kill, which impacted my developing brain greatly and indirectly caused Glenn and me to separate for a few years. When I finally met up with him again, he was murdered in front of my eyes by Rufus Shinra, who I now work for. Oh, and I see Rosen's face before I fall asleep every night, and mourn the loss of the only photograph I had of my mother, who I thought was still alive for a decade and a half before learning that she was in fact dead.

*Sephiroth dumps alcohol into the bowl*

[iszaranothere]

Dialogue prompts but they're things the GameGrumps have said

Struggling to start your scene? Having trouble writing dialogue? Don't worry, I've got you fam. I even sorted them into two catagories, a clean one and a more vulgar one, for your pleasure. If you end up using one of them, by all means tag me in the post, I'd love to see it.

Clean quotes

"And then I fired, and then I missed."

"The bananas has gone bad!"

"BECAUSE HE'S A GREAT KISSER! …Is what I've been told."

"I don't understand why the Chinese don't just use forks and spoons."

"Shutting down. Rebooting."

"There's so many places that aren't Andorra!"

"Jennifer dumped me."

"Did you point? Did you point? DID YOU POINT?!"

"Today is football."

"I'm gonna lay face-down on the radiator."

"Just what the heck is going on here?"

"UNAVOIDABLE CHIN MOVE!"

"The carbuncle ate itself."

"At age six I was born without a face."

"Great to see you again! You must die."

"I'm grapes!"

"Why did my dad birth me?"

"That's crazy. Especially since… who cares."

"I'm the video game boy! I'm the one who wins!"

"Bienvenue powerbottoms!"

"MY DAD WORKS AT NINTENDO!"

"With great confidence comes great wonfidence."

"Get bigger hands!"

"MORE ONION PLEASE."

"Why do I have to suffer in this meat prison?"

"That baby is not a baby, that is a jelly bean with a face."

"I HAS BRO! DO YOU HAS BRO?"

"JUST SOMETHING HAPPEN PLEASE."

Vulgar quotes

"I mean look at the way he slurps up his soup, what an asshole."

"Don't believe me? Look at my resume! Thirty years experience in jacking off!"

"MY DICK'S FALLEN OFF."

"If you shit in a bowl of rice crispies, do they go snap crackle poop?"

"Who needs a blue coin when you got a fucking mental breakdown coming in the back of your head?"

(sing-songy) "My asshole burns 🎶"

"I'm gonna pre dude."

"It's Clifford the big red stab wound."

"You think Sonic shits?"

"What's more in the spirit of Christmas than eating ass?"

"I'll fucking kill you. I'll fucking kill you. I'll fucking murder your face, fuck you."

"I feel like I just came back from a mythical creature bukkake."

"Plump, sweet and begging for cream!"

"Isn't it weird how at least once a day your hand is touching your asshole?"

"GOD! IT'S SO HARD TO FUCKING FUCK!"

"I was the greatest load my dad ever shot."

"You think I came out of the pussy drawing fucking Mozart?"

"Oh, bump off you bumpin' grasshoe."

"I would fuck anything on this screen, including the animals and the bicycle."

"The only thing I bust are rhymes and nuts."

"Am I about to see your skyward sword?"

"WE WON'T LET THOSE FUCKERS TAKE THIS LAND!"

"I fucked a cantaloupe once."

[ghostybat00]

*⁠.⁠✧Michael Myers with a chubby reader*⁠.⁠✧

🔪:I think he would be the type of yandere that wouldn't care about his s/o's appearance. (I mean, I think Almost no one in slashers cares about appearances, anyway)

🔪:I think he would like a chubby s/o more, anyway he is very strong, literally superhuman strength, why do you care so much if you "weigh too much"?

🔪:He would continue carrying you with ease.

🔪:It would be like a type of...personal feeder? He likes to feed you even if he is the most expressionless man in the world, Inside he loves it, he loves feeling like your protector, although he doent's show it .

🔪:He would enter your house, he would enter wherever room you are and he would stare at you, and then he would leave you a small sweet or snack, like some chips, cookies, or just a jelly bean close to you, and then he would leave. (Spoiler: The snack/candy wrapper may be bloody, but you can always clean it!)

🔪:This man loves your curves, he will randomly take you in his suffocating arms and squeeze you the air outside of you.

🔪:He may be the most expressionless, but it seriously bothers him, it irritates him that people make fun of or make comments about your appearance, which leads him to kill anyone who even makes a comment at you.

🔪:This will probably lead him to discover a somewhat strange fetish of his, he loves to watch you eat, seeing food put to your lips is a great turn on for him.

🔪:Fruits, sweets, spoons, it doesn't matter, as long as he can see your pretty lips around the food and see how with each step of the month that passes with you see how your body looks curvier and chubbier It excites him so much that he wants to just throw you on the floor and fuck you pretty little mouth :3

🔪:If one day you have a drop in self-esteem because of your appearance, he would give you more comfort food, and if you don't accept it, he will be a little offended and try to give it to you by force, but he always ends up giving you little pats as a silent way of saying don't worry about it.

[lisannastraussisanangel]

More Jellal joining Fairy Tail headcanons:

-Master Makarov absolutely loves him. Jellal causes almost no problems, has never destroyed the guild, helps cleanup after brawls, etc. Makarov would kill for him at this point

-being in the guild has very positively affected his mental health. He’s used to them being kind to him in passing. But he always thought it was just cause of his past with Erza, but now that he’s a member he sees that they genuinely love and respect him.

-Mira and Cana gave him one week to get adjusted before they started relentlessly teasing him. Cana has never called him by his real name. It’s always Jelly bean, Erza’s boyfriend, Jello Shot, etc

-Jellal gets referred to as “Erza’s boyfriend” constantly. Both of them get red and say it’s not like that but Fairy Tail is manifesting.

-Almost every team has fought to get Jellal on their team. He is happy to help out but always reminds them he has his own team.

-Laxus insists that he’s going to steal Jellal from Erza and is almost always seen with his arm around Jellal’s shoulders.

-Jellal and Laxus have quite the bromance.

-He has so many rumors about him. Like literally he cannot even sneeze without someone talking about it.

-Fairy Tail does not care that Jellal isn’t a wizard saint anymore. They refer to him as such and brag about it to other guilds.

- Crime Sorciere is very protective over him. So every time anyone jokes about stealing Jellal from them. They all jump to action causing several fights to break out (it's playful but also he is their baby girl)

[andreafmn]

You'll Feel Better | Remus Lupin Oneshot

Word Count: 3.8K Requested by @blackloveangel13: "Remus Lupin" Paring: Remus Lupin x Fem!Reader

Summary: It had always been a running joke between the Marauders that Remus always had chocolate on him. But (Y/N) didn't know how it had started. After James, in a cruel attempt at a hurtful joke, reveals the reason to (Y/N) she can't help but make it her mission to change Remus' mind about the sweet treat.

A/N:  the request didn't have any specifications, so I ran with a little idea I had been playing around with. I've always found the fandom headcanon around Remus eating chocolate to kill the wolf inside him. To calm that, I decided to put an angsty with a happy ending spin to it. Hope you enjoy! 💖💖 Also, I went with a fem!reader becuase the profile of the requester had the pronouns she/her 😊

The thing about rumors is that sometimes they are true. But the worst thing is when that rumor is spread amongst your own friends about the person you love the most. 

The Marauders all knew about Remus’ lycanthropy. How could they not? He had trusted them with his deepest secrets, just like they had done with theirs. Hell, they had learned how to be Animagi for him.

But no amount of closeness could ever make the teasing die between them, even when it was borderline cruel. Especially when it came to James Potter. Growing up, he had been coddled enough that sometimes, he did not know where the limits lay. Everyone knew that he would never intentionally hurt his friends. Still, sometimes, his words and jokes cut too deeply. 

And (Y/N) could take it most of the time. She was strong enough to face off with him. It was only when it came to Remus Lupin that she found her resolution unable to withstand his jabs. She would grow red with anger whenever James joked about Remus’ careful nature, how he allowed things to simply happen to him. He called him shy and awkward, sometimes scratching the line of coward. And it took everything in her not to explode at him every time. If Remus was there, he could keep her centered. But she would tear James a new one on the rare occasion that he wasn’t. 

(Y/N) knew the side of Remus that their friends seemed to forget. She knew he shielded the witty, calculated, and intelligent side from the rest. It was what had made her fall for him. At first, she believed she simply had an affinity for the Lupin boy, that they had a connection she did not have with the rest of the Marauders. Yet, as time went on, she discovered that the sentiments she felt toward the boy were far stronger than those of friendship. They were emotions she could never tell him about, not without losing his friendship, and that was something (Y/N) would never do. 

It had been a day like any other when (Y/N) had heard the rumor for the first time. It was spilling out of James’ mouth as if it were nothing but a joke. And maybe to him, it was. Peter and Sirius seemed to think so as they laughed at the pureblood’s words. 

“Where’s Remus right now?” the raven-haired boy had asked as he sat on an armchair in the Gryffindor common room. He propped his feet on the armrest, dug into a box of Every Flavour Jelly Beans, and popped one into his mouth. “Ugh, vomit!” 

“I think he went to the kitchens to ask for some chocolate,” Sirius shrugged. “Full moon’s tomorrow, and you know how he gets around those days.” 

“Yeah,” Peter snickered. “His sweet tooth gets activated to no avail. One day, he’ll give himself a cavity.” 

“Oh, lay off him, guys,” (Y/N) said, crossing her arms over her chest. Sometimes, she hated being the only girl they had accepted into their little group. She wondered if it was easier to be with them if she had been on the outside looking in –like Lily Evans, maybe Theresa Berlitz, or even Sasha Monnet. The latter she envied the most. The girl that held all of Remus’ attention, and she didn’t even care for it. “You know it’s hard for him to regulate his system after such a brutal transformation.” 

“Oh, there goes the pup again. Defending her little boyfriend,” Potter guffawed. “He’s old enough to fight his own battles, (Y/N). If you’re not gonna tell him how you feel, let him grow up on his own.” 

“Shove it, Potter. As if you didn’t need my help to get Lily to even look your way,” she spat back. “He’s our friend. I’m defending him against you when he’s not here to do it for himself. I know you have one, but that doesn’t mean you have to be a dick.” 

The other two boys tried their hardest to hide their laughter, but their red faces instantly gave them away. And before they could stop it, they barked out their chuckles. (Y/N) saw how that made James’ face shift. His cocky grin was instantly replaced with an annoyed scowl. But he was never one to stay down for long. He always had something up his sleeve. 

“Maybe you shouldn’t spend so much time defending him, (Y/N). Maybe you should spend more time saving him from himself.” 

She felt her chest squeeze at his words. Not knowing what they meant made her spiral, going down a thought storm she did not want to face. “What are you mumbling about, Potter?” 

“Don’t you know why he eats so much chocolate?” James answered, a smug look on his face. “I thought you two told each other everything. But I guess he didn’t want you mommy-ing him about it.”

“James,” Sirius warned, seeing as tears pooled on the corners of the girl’s eyes. “Don’t.” 

But the boy simply raised his hand and stared deeply into the witch’s eyes. “Darling, (Y/N). I thought you were smarter than that,” he chuckled mockingly. “You know how toxic chocolate is to canines, right? The poor boy eats his weight in chocolate to try and kill the wolf inside.” 

The words sent a pang to her heart. If they were true, it meant that Remus hated that part of him so much that he would have rather eat himself sick with sweets than accept it. The thought made her stomach churn, but it wasn’t as unbearable as the red-hot anger taking over her. She wanted to lunge at James, beat him bloody until they pried her nails off his body. She would have done it if it had not been for Peter’s hand on her arm. 

“You truly are something else, Potter. He is your friend,” she spat, her tone poignant and enraged. “He’s trusted us with his deepest secret. Trusted that we are here to help him navigate it rather than beat him down over it. And you say those words as if they’re something to laugh at. You can truly be a despicable person, James.” 

“Oh, come on, (Y/N). Stop being so dramatic,” he laughed. “It won’t actually do anything to him. It’s just chocolate. It’s not like I’m telling you he ingested a death potion.” 

“Sod off, Potter,” she responded. “It’s honestly becoming that the first bean you ate was vomit. It seems that’s the only thing you can spew from your mouth sometimes.”

She left her friends with a surprised look on their faces and left for the girls’ dormitories. There was no point in waiting up for Remus to return. He most likely would have returned long after they were meant to be in their beds, and she was too exhausted to face him. 

(Y/N) cried herself to sleep that night, thinking of how much pain Remus had to endure. Not only was he fighting a physical battle, but every day, he fought a mental one as well, and there was nothing she could do. Well, not yet. 

The next day, (Y/N) avoided her friends at all costs. She knew Remus would be excused from most of his classes as he prepared for the long night ahead, and the last thing she wanted was to face James. Even if he seemed to sport an apologetic frown on his face during breakfast. She wanted him to feel sorry. She wanted him to ruminate on the words he had spouted about one of his best friends. She wanted him to never again speak of him –or any of them for that matter–in that way. 

Sirius and Peter were not safe either. Even in their Potions and DADA classes, where they sat either next to or near each other, she acted as though they weren’t even there. They had known that James had said that before. Their faces had told her as much. They hadn’t been surprised when the sound escaped Potter’s mouth. They simply didn’t want her to hear it. In her eyes, they were just as bad. 

As the day passed, her anger had started to dwindle. Mostly because she felt lonely. Her only solace would have been Remus, and she knew she could not be with him. Not until the night had fully passed. She couldn’t even find solace in the rest of her friends. But instead of dwelling in her sadness, she locked herself in the library to concoct a plan. Nothing fueled her more than making sure that Remus Lupin was okay, and she would make sure he was. 

That night felt endless. 

(Y/N) spent hours staring at the enchanted ceiling she had created inside the secret passageway in Gregory the Smarmy’s corridor, watching as the moon moved slowly. It was the place Remus always went to after a transformation, too tired to head back to the Gryffindor common room and face his friends. Sometimes, he just needed some time to himself. 

She clutched the Marauder’s Map tightly in her hands, thanking Merlin that Sirius had handed it over to her without any questions. Once the moon had disappeared in her enchantment, she looked for Moony’s name and watched as it inched closer and closer. And before she knew it, the exhausted boy stood before her. 

“(Y/N),” he breathed with a relaxed smile on his face. He joined her side, sliding down the stone wall until he hit the hard floor. “What are you doing here? You should still be sleeping.” 

“I’ve brought you something,” she said. She pulled a cardboard box out of her satchel and handed it to him. “I made you some peanut butter-chocolate cookies, and some chocolate truffles.” 

“You didn’t have to do that, pup. A chocolate bar or two normally does the job,” he responded, looking at the treats in his hand. At first, he didn’t notice it, but once he turned, it was unmistakable. Her cheeks were stained with old tears as new ones fell on top, her eyes red and puffy from crying. “Oh, (Y/N). What’s wrong?”

Disregarding his question, she brushed back a strand of hair that was covering his forehead, revealing a streak of blood falling from a deep slash. “You’re bleeding, Remus,” she said softly, pulling out the first aid kit she always kept on her. “Let me clean that up.” 

“There’s spells for that, pup. You don’t have to go through the trouble.” 

“Hush now,” she sniffled. “Let me work.” 

Her hands were gentle against his skin, working swiftly and gently, making sure not to disturb the wound any further. It wasn’t deep enough to require immediate medical attention, but deep enough that it would scar. She worked until not a drop of blood was left on his face and covered it with a bandage. 

“Eat,” she smiled. “You’ll feel better.” 

“Then will you tell me what’s wrong?” Remus offered, his brown eyes pleading for an answer. “I don’t like to see you this upset.”

“Oh, nothing’s the matter,” she smiled weakly. “Just eat. It’ll make me feel better.” 

With a lopsided grin, he took a bite of a cookie, closing his eyes as he savored the combination of flavors. A moan of delight left his throat, and he rested his head against her shoulder as he enjoyed the entirety of the bite. “Definitely better than a chocolate bar,” he chuckled softly. “But I can’t promise I won’t eat one or two every once in a while. Can’t have you living in the kitchens the rest of the year.”

“I wouldn’t mind,” (Y/N) responded, trying her best to swallow the tears that kept threatening to spill. “I’ll make you all the cookies in the world if that’s what you need.”

“What I need is for you to be okay,” he told her, gently wiping away the streaks from her cheeks. “Will you please tell me what’s wrong? I don’t like to see you like this, pup. It breaks my heart.”

“James,” she finally sighed. “Something he said just rubbed me the wrong way, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.”

“That Potter boy can be too much sometimes,” he said defeatedly. “What was it this time? Please tell me it was nothing directed at you.”

“No, it’s… it was about you, Remus,” (Y/N) admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. “He said something about you I didn’t like. But what angered me the most was that he laughed about it.”

“What was it?” 

“I don’t wanna say, Moony,” she pleaded. “Don’t make me say it.” 

“Darling, it’s James,” he teased. “He’s not smart enough to say something that will truly hurt me. But I don’t want you to carry it on your own. Now, out with it.”

(Y/N) took a steadying breath, sarong at the hand that held hers, tracing the scars with her eyes. “He said that the reason you eat so much chocolate is because it’s toxic to canines,” she confessed, a sob shaking her body. “That you believe that if you eat enough of it, it’ll kill the wolf inside you.”

An oh escaped Remus’ lips before he pulled her in for a tight embrace, trying his best to console her laments. It crushed him that he was inadvertently the cause of her pain. That was the last thing he wanted. 

“Is it true, Remus?” Her voice croaked, breaking any ounce of preservation he still held. “Please tell me it isn’t.” 

“It was at first,” he sighed. (Y/N) was tucked under his chin, and he could feel her body shake as she tried to breathe. He ran his hands through her hair, soothing her tenderly. “When I was a kid, I had read that dogs could die from eating chocolate. That even the smallest amount could do them harm. One Hallowe’en celebration, I gathered as many pieces as I could muster and ate them until I was stuffed. Ultimately, I ended up throwing up this sickly-looking brown mixture, and I thought I had done it. Until the next full moon, where I still transformed.” 

“Oh, Remus,” (Y/N) cooed as she squeezed his waist. 

“I guess I still associate the taste with those thoughts,” he continued, feeling the warmth of his tears trailing down his cheeks. “I can’t lie to you, (Y/N). Every time I feel the sweet melt in my mouth, a part of me hopes that it is weakening the wolf at the very least. That the more I eat it, the frailer it’ll become.” 

“I don’t want you to think that anymore, Moony,” she said. (Y/N) straightened herself and sat before him, her teary eyes boring into his. She took his hands in her and kissed his knuckles. “Even if it takes me forever, I will make sure every memory you have with it is replaced by a happy one. If I have to bake a million chocolate cookies or make a million truffles –I don’t care–I will do it. I will do it until my hands bleed. I will do it until your heart doesn’t hurt anymore.” 

“There’s no point, pup,” he said, his head falling in defeat. “It will not change the fact that I am still cursed. Forced to turn into a monster every single month. Always hoping that the people  I love are safe from me, from what I can do. It’s a life sentence that I will have to face by myself.” 

“As long as I am alive, Remus, you must know that you will never be alone,” she told him, placing a hand on his cheek, forcing him to look at her. “I love every single part of you, Moony. Even the parts that you cannot stand.” 

“This is not a life I could wish on you, (Y/N). Not you,” he sniffled. “You deserve so much better.” 

(Y/N) couldn’t find the words to say just how wrong he was. That the only life she had ever dreamed of had him by her side. So, she decided to show him. She leaned in and took his lips on hers in a moment of bravery. For a second, she thought he would push her away and remind her that his sights had been set on Sasha.

Instead, Remus melted into the kiss, pulling her closer to him by her waist. He kissed her as though she was the only source of oxygen in that passageway. As though her lips held the very force he needed to exist. As though she was his reason for being. 

“I don’t want a life that you’re not in, Remus,” she said breathlessly, her forehead resting against his. “I want to walk beside you, for better or worse. And I want to show you that you deserve all the love and happiness in the universe. Even if you don’t believe me.” 

“I’d believe anything if it came from your lips,” he smiled. “And as far as I see it, chocolate has now brought me something I never thought I could have.”

“Yeah?” (Y/N) grinned, popping a truffle into her mouth. “And what’s that?” 

“Well, you, pup,” he smirked before kissing away a speck of chocolate on her lips. “I thought I was bound to live with my feelings for you for the rest of my life.” 

“You thought that? I was under the impression that you were moping over Sasha Monnet.” 

“Where would you even get that idea?” Remus chuckled in surprise. “She’s just a friend.” 

“And why did you think that I didn’t reciprocate your feelings? I’ve honestly believed you were simply ignoring them for my sake.” 

The pair exchanged a knowing glance before bursting into laughter. “Sirius,” they said in unison. 

“I’m gonna kill that boy,” Remus said. “I can’t believe we’ve spent the past five years tiptoeing around each other when we could have been doing this the whole time.” 

“Well, it serves us right for entrusting Padfoot with such meaningful information,” she chuckled. “I wonder if they’ve made bets on when we would notice.” 

“You can best believe they have,” he joined in her laughter before looking down at his watch. “And as much as I would love to stay here all day with you, we, unfortunately, have classes to attend to.” 

“You mean we can’t stay hidden in here all day and make out?” (Y/N) sighed dramatically and fell on Remus. “What ever shall we do?” 

“We can always come back tonight,” the boy smirked. “Put that map to good use while we have it.” 

“I like where your head is at, Moony,” she smiled before placing a soft kiss on his lips. “But I do agree we have to go. I have to stop by the kitchens before breakfast.” 

“I think I’m good on delicious chocolate snacks, pup.” 

“Oh, it’s not for you, my darling Remus. There’s someone I need to eat his words. And I know just the way to do it.” 

After changing into their uniforms, (Y/N) made a detour to the kitchen, bribing a house elf for a rather peculiar request. Remus waited patiently for her outside the doors until they walked hand in hand into the Great Hall. Their friends’ eyes followed their figures until they settled with them, sliding onto the bench as they had done many times before. 

“Good to see you back with us, (Y/N),” Sirius was the first to speak. “I think I speak for all of us when I say we missed you yesterday.” 

“Yeah, we’re sorry for being insensitive,” Peter frowned. 

“And James here,” Sirius said as he shoved his friend’s shoulder. “Wants to say something.” 

“Right,” Potter affirmed, clearing his throat. “I didn’t mean to make fun of something so serious, (Y/N). You know, sometimes I cross the line.” 

“No worries, James,” she smiled sickeningly sweetly. “And to show that all is forgiven, I’ve brought you this.” 

The witch handed her friend a small box, much like the one she had handed Remus that very sunrise. She watched as James opened it and, as he smiled, took a bite of the pastry inside. Their friends watched in confusion as Potter enjoyed the sweet, savoring every bite. They waited for a surprise. A jinx or a potion laced into the treat. But it never came. 

“Careful, love,” (Y/N) said. “That’s a rhubarb breakfast cake.” 

“So what? I like rhubarb.” 

“Well, wouldn’t want people to think you’re eating it to kill the stag inside,” she smirked. “I thought you’d be smart enough to know that rhubarb is toxic to deer.” 

Sirius, Remus, and Peter burst out in laughter as James’ face reddened in embarrassment. He sent the treat down and busied himself with his food. After that, the boy never again seemed to speak out of his arse. At least, not about his friends. 

Many years later, at 12 Grimmauld Place, an older Remus Lupin sat before a fireplace when Harry Potter joined him. The man fiddled with the ring on his left hand, twirling it as he always did when he was lost in thought. Once he noticed the boy beside him, unconsciously, he handed him a piece of the chocolate bar he had on the coffee table next to him. 

“May I ask you something, Remus?” the boy asked. 

“Of course, my boy. Anything.” 

“I heard some rumors about you and chocolate,” he said, his voice weak. “About why you always carry it with you.” 

“I think I might know what you’ve heard,” Remus chuckled softly. “Something about wanting to kill the wolf inside, am I right?” 

“Yes,” Potter confessed. “Is it true? Does it actually poison it?” 

“No,” he laughed. “Your dear old father made sure that stupid idea didn’t die down.” 

“My dad was the one that spread it?” 

“In a way,” he smiled as he remembered that fateful day. “But do you want to know the real reason I always carry it with me?” 

“Yes.” 

“It reminds me of one of the happiest moments in my life,” he said before the door behind them opened. “I can’t eat it without smiling anymore, and I like to think it’s contagious.” 

“What are you two talking about?” (Y/N) asked as she walked in, followed by an enchanted tray with three cups of tea and a plate of peanut butter-chocolate cookies. “I hope it is age-appropriate things, Remus.” 

“I would never think of speaking of anything else,” he smirked as he accepted a kiss from his now wife. “My wife would never let me hear the end of it.” 

After she chuckled, (Y/N) turned to Harry, inspecting the boy’s exhausted expression tenderly. Looking at him without thinking of James became easier as the days passed. But sometimes, she couldn’t help the confusion in her brain. “Oh, darling,” she cooed. “You look so tired.” 

“I haven’t been sleeping great,” he shrugged. 

(Y/N) handed him one of the teacups as Remus placed a cookie on a napkin for Harry. “Eat,” she smiled. “You’ll feel better.” 

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[nobodylikety]

OKAY LISTEN UP—

So I've been making some moodboards for Hybrid! New Jeans, I hope you like it! ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡

Basically each moodboard has the things that the girls like the most, or rather, makes each of the girls herself < 🐻🐰🐈‍⬛🐶🦊 3

BEAR HYBRID! MINJI 🐻

Basically bear! minji core consists of:

Love for naps

Teddy bears (because obviously, she needs a little friend to sleep and cuddle with if you or Hybrid! New Jeans isn't available)

Hot chocolate with marshmallows, because something about the warmth of hot chocolate and the mushiness of marshmallows makes her sleepy! <3

Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. she's basically a big baby, so basic but yummy snacks are TOTALLY her thing.

Chocolate chip cookies. The combination of browned butter, caramelised sugar, vanilla and chocolate are "the rich flavours that mingle in a single snack", and Minji definetly LOVES IT. She finds these cookies irresistible, and she probably can't eat just one. 🍪

BUNNY HYBRID! HANNI🐰

Basically bunny! hanni core consists of:

Being wrapped in blankies for taking naps. Blankets are the best invention of mankind, according to Hanni. She loves to be wrapped up in them like a burrito and to sleep after a good scritches on her floppy ears and chin.

Cookies in the shape of a bunny. Although Haerin insists that it is somehow cannibalism, Hanni likes bunny-shaped or decorated cookies.

Strawberries. Bunnies like strawberries, and Hanni is no exception. Although she likes bread much better, strawberries are quite versatile and can be eaten in many ways, plus they are a healthy snack! So as long as it's bread or strawberries, Hanni's tummy is happy. 🐰🍓

Pink hoodies. Hanni likes oversized hoodies, the kind she's practically swimming in, but her biggest preference is pink! Pink is her favourite colour, so she's determined to make sure her wardrobe has it as much as possible.

(BLACK) CAT HYBRID! HAERIN 🐈‍⬛

Basically black cat! haerin core consists of:

A cute but bad bitch 🖤

Roll her eyes and make a grim face. If Haerin doesn't like you, every time she looks at you, it's going to feel like she's killing you with her eyes!

ps. Haerin's jealous gaze is especially deadly.

Kitten toe beans ALWAYS peeking out from under the sheets. Haerin is always hidden under the covers (always is a good time for a nap, or to isolate herself from society, or even both) and the only thing visible are her toe beans. ฅ ฅ

Sleeping in people's arms. She'll never admit it, but Haerin loves to sleep in your arms or Hybrid's! New Jeans. Then she'll wake up and start cursing, as usual, but deep down you know she enjoys those moments of napping in your arms.

PUPPY HYBRID! DANIELLE 🐶

Basically puppy! danielle core consists of:

Popcorn. not only tastes good, Dani LOVES that when it's time to eat them, her popcorn makes crunchy noises. crunchy stuff has her wagging her tail like crazy!

Stuffies with dumb designs and shapes! Dani has food-related soft and squishy plushies, such as a croissant, egg or bacon, to nibble on or throw at Hybrid! New Jeans every time she wants them to play with her <3 because puppies will chew whatever puppies want to chew 🐶

Crunchy bone-shaped treats. she doesn't even care if it tastes like vegetables or meat, or even if it tastes like a sock…because if it's bone-shaped, DANI WILL EAT IT.

Australian Shepherd Puppy. Because Dani is Australian, athletic and full of energy, just like Australian shepherds. Makes sense, doesn't it?

Puppy snout! Wherever Dani sees an open door or an opening, her adorable and curious snout will be there to take a peek. She has a habit of poking her head through your bedroom door and bark, or following you to the bathroom and poking her snout out of the half-jointed door.

FOX HYBRID! HYEIN 🦊

Basically fox! hyein core consists of:

Curling up by the fireplace.

What's better than a warm nap? The comforting crackle of the fire, the light but pleasant smell of wood burning slowly, the warmth, and being cuddled behind the ears until she falls asleep. honestly the best life <3

Apple slices with cinnamon. sometimes Hyein likes to brown them a bit in the fireplace, but most of the time she eats them only with cinnamon, because for some reason this kiddo is obsessed with cinnamon!

Rubbing her head against people's legs, asking to be pet. Hyein is rather like a clingy puppy in that respect, when she's in the mood for cuddling she just…*rubs head*.

Fruit-filled breakfasts and snacks, and preferably ones that look aesthetically pleasing! Hyein is attracted to things that have cute or funny shapes, which makes her more interested in eating them 🫐🍎🍓🍌⭐

Fox cuddly plush. She knows it's a bit of a cliché to have a fox as fave plushie, but can you blame her? it's super huggable!

Bonus!

OTTER HYBRID! HYEIN 🦦

Basically otter! hyein core consists of:

Cute and silly beanies! she has a whooole collection

Hybrid! New Jeans helps her put them on, they even try to put a different beanie on her every day <3

Cuddly toys and plushies! they are Hyein's favourite kind of thing. she has stuffed otters, for obvious reasons, but she also has a puppy, a fox, a bear and a stuffed kitten, because she loves to hold them close to her chest

FISH AS A SNACK, ALWAYS 🐟because although Hyein knows that otters feed not only on fish, but also on eels, she is a baby otter that's quite fussy and never wants to eat eel, never ever!

Pool + swimming goggles + floats = happy baby otter! 🦦🩵 Hyein loves swimming (otters are superbly adapted for swimming), but swimming in the pool is the safer option! Plus it's more fun, because unlike swimming in the river, the pool has floaties and swimming goggles, even water toys!

being carried in Hybrid! New Jeans arms. In her animal form, Hyein practically makes puppy eyes all the time to be carried! She flatly refuses to let her little paws touch the ground ♡