#to keep trucking along on the new chapter <3 which IS coming and IS started

[gontagokuhara]

@bittercideristaken once again leaving me in shambles with insanely thoughtful sweet incredible comments on pointy objects

[melanieph321]

Ruben Dias x Reader - A House Is Not A Home Part 3/8

This damn chapter 😭😭

Ruben's wife dies during childbirth along with their son. Ruben hasn't been in a relationship since. Y/N is a single mother to a four year old boy. She buys a house in the small town that Ruben lives in. The house needs alot of fixing which Ruben helps with, resulting in him slowly falling in love with Y/N. However, falling in love with Y/N makes Ruben feel like he is betraying his dead wife.

Enjoy!

You and Ruben found a good rhythm. He helped you clear the ruins of your house, loading the waste onto his truck in order to take it to the local junkyard. Despite spending three days clearing the house it still felt like you were only scratching the surface.

"Once we've cleared the last of the wood, you'll be able to move back in." Ruben assured.

"Yes, that or I might have to move into the barn." Your attention was drawn to to the old shed out by the fields. To both yours and Ruben's suprise, it had been able to sustain the harsh winds from the storm.

"I don't think that's such a good idea." Ruben said.

"Why not?" The barn looked perfectly inhabitable to you.

He didn't answer, as there was no reason why you couldn't have access to somthing on your property.

"I'm serious Y/N."

He tried to stop you as you started crossing the field, making your way towards the barn. Ruben claimed that it belonged to him and he intended to keep it that way.

"I thought you were a real-estate agent?" You said, still marching on towards the barn, Ruben at your heals.

"What, no." He frowned. "I own a hardware store in town. What made you believe that I was a real-estate agent?"

"You sold me this house didn't you?" Including the barn.

"Yes, because I used to own it."

You stopped walking. Ruben's chest heaved up and down with his heavy breathing.

"You used to live here? In this house. My house?"

Ruben nodded. "Yes."

"Well, what's wrong with it?"

"Huh?"

"The house, what's wrong with it?"

He frowned.  "Nothing?"

"Then why did you sell it to me, a perfectly fine house?"

Ruben looked taken back by the question, searching for a good answer without finding one. You were shocked and frustrated by this revelation, as you had always assumed that the barn was part of the property, your property.

"Well then,  if there's nothing else."

Determined to assert your rights as the new owner, you decided to enter the barn anyway. Ruben made one last attempt to try and stop you, but you pushed past him and walked inside. As soon as you did, you gasped in surprise. The barn was filled with all sorts of treasures - old furniture, toys, and even a baby's crib. It looked like someone had left everything behind without any intention of ever coming back.

"Ruben what is all...." You turned to look at him. He stood by the barn door, holding it open.

"Are we done here?" He asked, the expression on his face startling you.

"Um I....sure."

You left the barn, Ruben shutting the door behind you. The walk back to the house was quiet, awkward even.

"I have to get back to town, run some errands." Ruben stood by his truck, looking at you impatiently.

You nodded. "Okay."

"Do you need me to take you back to Kat and David's or...?"

They were letting you stay with them as long as you needed to

"No. I'll manage." You said.

Ruben nodded. "I'll see you later then."

He hopped into his truck and drove away. Leaving you stranded with your many questions. Back at Katarina and David's you told them what happened over dinner.

"Poor Ruben." Katarina sighed.

David wiped his mouth with a napkin. "We've tried to get Ruben to sell that house for years now. It's been very difficult for him."

"Why?" You asked.

Katarina reached for her husband's hand as the two of them bowed their heads in sorrow. David then rose from the table to retrieve something out of a cabinet. It was a picture of two young girls not older than ten years old.

"These are our daughters, Emily and Gina." David said, pointing to the image of the two girls. You never knew that the two of them had children. Where were they?

"Emily is our oldest."

"And brightest." Katarina smiled.

"But Gina, she had a spirit like no other, always running around, dreaming of being a firefighter..."

"Or an astronaut."

Katarina and David seemed to complement each other as the two of them spoke joyfully about their two daughters.

"But Gina she was special in many ways. You see she was born with a heart condition, genetically passed onto her. We knew her life would be different from her sisters, shorter that is. That's why Gina always lived her life to the fullest, always in a rush against time. She married young..."

"To the most handsome man she had ever seen." Katarina qouted her daughter, tears of joy streaming down her face.

"That man was Ruben." David confirmed. "They met as Emily and Gina were getting their degrees at the University of Manchester. Gina and Ruben were so in love, head over heels. And as Gina confirmed her pregnancy she told us about her and Ruben's plans to by a house, to move back home and raise their family here, where we could be with our grandchild all the time. But as her pregnancy enveloped there were a few complications..."

"Caused by her heart." Katarina took the turn to speak as David was unable to, struggling to hold back the tears. "She died giving birth to our grandson. The doctors says her heart simply couldn't take it."

Silence fell around the dinner table. You wanted to say something, anything, but there were no words to mend the pain that Katarina and David had to endure following their daughters death.

"And your grandson?" You dared ask, but by then Katarina and David seemed to have collected themselves.

"He passed away along side his mother." David said.

How tragic. You felt so sorry for them, for Ruben.

"As you can imagine it really took a toll on Ruben. Gina had been very upfront about her condition, but as stubborn as Ruben is his feelings for her never changed. A real good man he is."

"But..." Katarina said. "None of us expected her death to come when it did, let alone Ruben. The house he and Gina had built....he has never been able step foot in it again, let alone sell it. Well...until he sold it to you, of course."

Why was that? You wanted to ask. Why were you the exception? Just then your phone vibrated in your pocket. You looked to the display and excused yourself to take the call, slipping out onto the back proch for some privacy.

"Yes?"

"Mommy?"

"Hello baby, how are you?" Your heart swelled at the sound of your son's voice.

"Mommy, when are you coming home?"

"Did grandma tell you to ask me that?"

A chuckle. "Yes."

You smiled. "Well tell grandma that this is my home now, exactly where I'm at. It's your home too, you know?"

"When are you coming to get me?"

"Do you still mark the days on the calendar I bought you?"

"Yes!" Your son cheered. "Grandma helps me."

"She does, that's good. Ask grandma how many days are left until the train comes to pick you and grandma up to come and see me."

There was a muffled sounds on the other end of the line. Your son running with your mother's cell phone in his hands. You left the porch and puttered around in Katarina and David's backyard, careful not to step on any of the planted flowers.

"Mommy."

Your son returned to the line.

"Yes Johnny?"

"Grandma says there's ten days left until the train leave."

"Ten days. Well then, I'll see you in ten days baby."

"I'll see you Mommy."

"Love you, bye."

"Bye."

You hung up the phone, a large smile on your lips. That smile faltered however, seeing Ruben standing on the porch, arms crossed, fingers drumming his biceps.

"Ruben." You exhaled. You didn't think you'd see him for a while after your little disagreement at the house this morning.

"Aren't you cold?" He asked, somthing very distant in the way he adressed you.

"I was on the phone, I was just about to head inside." You said.

"With your husband?"

You frowned.

"On the phone." Ruben uncrossed his arms,  stepping down from the proch. "Was that your husband, Johnny?"

"Right, yeah." Ruben must have overhead your conversation. "I was on the phone with my husband...Johnny. "

"How is he doing...in the military?" He asked.

"Oh, you know..."

Ruben raised a brow. "I do?"

"He's doing military stuff, taking his time to check in on me." You said, trying not to shiver as the nights cold hit you. "What about you, what are you doing here?"

"Oh." Ruben perked up, fixing his posture. "I...I actually came here to apologize...to you."

"Me?"

He nodded. "This morning. In the barn. I overreacted. You're right, it's your property and you should be allowed to whatever you want with it."

You shook your head. "No Ruben, I understand. The stuff, if you want to keep them there you could. It's alot, and if you're just gonna leave hem there to rot...." You shook your. "Never mind. The barn is yours if you want it."

Ruben stood quiet, his eyes regarding you with slight suspicion. "They told you didn't,  didn't they?"

"What?" Heat rose to your frozen cheeks. "Kate and David...they told you about their daughter, Gina, didn't they."

You held your tounge but nodded.

Ruben sighed, his legs folding as he took a seat on the steps of the porch. You joined him, scooting close as his body generated more heat than yours.

"I should have told you about the house, who it belonged to before I sold it to you." Ruben ran a hand through his dark hair.

"Nothing required you to, unless..."

"Unless?" He turned to you, a wrinkle dented in his forhead.

"You know." You shrugged. "Unless the house is haunted or somthing."

Somthing changed in his face, laughter followed his newfound expression. Ruben laughed, to your suprise. It was lovely as you never heard it before. Ruben really didn't look like a person to laughed but it was lovely, as well as his smile.

"It's not funny." You said, playfully nudging his side.

"Haunted." He chuckled. "You truly believe that I could sell you a haunted house?"

"Well did you?"

Ruben's expression changed again, a look of terror."

"Did you?" You asked, scared as to why he hesitated to answer your question.

"No, Y/N. I didn't sell you a haunted house, although I admit that that house has been haunting me for years."

"I'm sorry about your wife." You said after a time spent in silence.

Ruben looked to you, tilting his head down to meet your eyes as your height difference was ridiculous. "Thank you, but it's been a few years."

"How old would he be, your son?"

You realized that the question had startled him as you felt Ruben's muscles tense beside you. Perhaps he hadn't thought of his son, nor his wife in years.

"Four." He said, nothing more, nothing less.

Four, that's how old , Johnny, your son was. You kept that to yourself though, as it was not the time to tell Ruben about your own family, especially since you had been lying to him about a part of it.

"Your cold." He said.

Ruben must have felt your body leaning closer to him, stealing his heat. Or he had just heard the sound of your teeth, rattling like bones.

Let's get you inside."

"I actually want to stay for a bit longer. They don't look like that in the city." You said.

Ruben frowned, but followed your gaze as your head tilted upwards, admiring the ray of stars in the sky.

He sat back down, but not without removing his jacket, draping it over your shoulders.

"It's a beautiful view, no?" He said. "Moving out here, Gina and I used to spend hours in the fields just watching them, the stars."

"How was she, Gina?"

You looked to Ruben, his eyes mesmerized by the stars. His profile was captivating, rough but sculptured, he was handsome.

"She was like no one I've ever met." Evaporating smoke left Ruben's mouth as his eyes shifted to look at you. "I miss her so much." He said.

It was implusive, yet not terrifying. Although you were practically strangers you felt comfortable with Ruben, connected somehow. And so you grabbed his hand, leaning your head to rest on his shoulder. You felt his palm twitch beneath yours, nevertheless he did not pull away. And so you stayed like that, sitting close, holding hands, with the stars watching over your heads.

[inneedofsupervision]

I didn't ask, did I? (Chapter 7)

Happy begrudgingly steps aside and walks after Tony into the diner. The billionaire skillfully ignores the gasps of surprise and the poor attempt to take pictures of him secretly as he strides straight up to the counter. "Two cheeseburgers and a large fry. To go." "Please get in line and wait for your turn, Sir." "Excuse me?" Tony slowly pulls his sunglasses down and glances at the skinny teen behind the register. "Bad hearing comes with age, huh?" mutters the teen under his breath. Happy makes a choking sound behind him. ___________________ Or, how Tony Stark gets sassed by some high schooler working part-time and makes it his mission to figure out what he did to make this kid he'd never seen hate him. If that means annoying the hell out of said high schooler, that's not his problem.

Chapter: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10

Chapter Summary: Rhodey and Tony finally leave, and Peter is left alone with his thoughts.

(Read on Ao3)

Peter's forehead leans against the door. Only after the engine of Mr. Stark's car howled and the tires started to roll did the teen dare push his fingers between the blinds and pull them aside to peek out of the window.

They are finally gone.

With a deep sigh, Peter raises a hand, ready to run it through his hair, only to stop when he realizes that it's still covered in paint.

If Aunt May knew about what he did, he would get sentenced to a week's worth of house chores. Including a deep clean of the bathroom.

"Not my most glorious moment."

After several minutes, with the help of half a bottle of dish liquid, an old sponge, and lots of hot water, Peters's hands were reddened but free of paint and smelled, according to the dishwashing label, of gentle citrus dreams, whatever that meant.

While drying his hand, the teen couldn't help thinking about his act of revenge. It was petty.

Peter feels ashamed to use his abilities for something so childish and silly. He is Spider-Man. He should be the one keeping people from vandalizing, and what did he do? Smearing one of the most important buildings in NYC, just because he let Mr. Stark provoke him.

"If I simply hadn't said anything. Why can't I keep my big mouth shut?"

The guilty conscience grew while he worked on a persistent sauce stain on one of the tables with his rag.

Mr. Stark mentioned his action costing Stark Industries millions. At the same time, Peter felt like the man didn't care about the money but rather about his image, and the flippancy with which the man talked about losing money sparks Peter's anger anew.

It's already dark outside by the time the teenager closes the shop. With his hoodie deep in his face and his head ducked, he quickly walks down the street. May won't be back until tomorrow morning, and if he hurried, he might manage to patrol for two hours before going to bed.

On his way through the city, he walks past a construction site. He halts, and his eyes wander along the scaffold that takes up the whole facade.

"A truck hit the front at full speed a few weeks ago."

Peter turns away from the destroyed building. A man leans against one of the street lights. He has his, several times patched coat tightly wrapped around his body, a bottle sitting comfortably in his hand. He tosses his head, taking a hearty sip before pointing at the building.

"One of the best shelters in the whole of New York. Never mind how busy you got treated like you meant something. They even let your furred friend in there if you had one. Now, we can only hope they rebuild it. To our luck, they put another cafe here."

"I heard about the incident," manages Peter to get out, voice hoarse.

"You're okay, boy?"

The homeless man squints his eyes at him, and something in Peter's stomach coils as the guilty conscience hits full force at the thought of a man without a roof over his head worrying about a random teenager.

A man who didn't have a roof over his head because Spider-Man hadn't been here.

"Yes, I mean, not really," stammers Peter before taking a deep breath, attempting to collect himself. The man eyes him with worry, partly curiosity, and takes another sip while waiting for the teen to finish his sentence.

"It's just that I knew someone. Someone who came here often."

Peter feels ashamed when he catches the man's eyes widening with realization. The man shortened the distance between them, stepping closer, and despite the strong sense of alcohol prickling in his nose, he knew he wasn't in any danger. A heavy hand lays on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry about that, boy."

It's embarrassing how his eyes start burning. Peter had to look away from the empathy-filled, bearded face.

"I don't know who you knew from the bunch, but I know many people hanging around here, and most are decent. I'm sure whoever it was, he would appreciate a fine young man like you to remember him. Many people in this city don't recognize us as humans, but you are alright, boy."

The hand on his shoulder gives another tight but comforting squeeze while Peter uses the back of his hand to wipe over his eyes. He manages to whisper a small thank you.

The man didn't look happy with a crying teenager in front of him.

"You want some?"

Peter eyes the bottle with a high percentage of alcohol before his eyes fall back onto the worried eyes of the man. A small smile blooms on his face, and he has to chuckle at the ridiculousness of the situation. He sniffles and wipes at his other eye.

"No, thank you. But there's something else."

The man pulls the bottle back with a grin.

"I'm listening, boy. Spit it out."

Peter manages to give him a grateful smile.

"Would you tell me your name?"

The homeless man raises an eyebrow in disbelief before grinning.

"The name's Jason."

Jason holds out his hand. Without batting a lid, Peter takes the hand, including the filthy fingerless glove, shaking it tightly.

"I'm Peter."

[mooncello]

it's new year's eve, so please enjoy this 'lil nye scene from my lava au. wishing you an easeful and nourishing start to 2024, kittens. <3

Cole

A laugh spills from Kai’s throat, and he stretches out beside me. We lie there together as our breathing returns to normal, limbs warm and relaxed. I slide my palm along the line of his shoulder, and brush my fingers along his clavicle, tracing the ridges and valleys of him.

Kai makes a contented sound and nestles closer. “Do you have any new year resolutions?”

“I don’t do resolutions.”

His eyebrows shoot up. “For real? You’re the exact type of person who makes resolutions.”

“Sometimes I don’t understand how we’ve known each other for 12 years,” I say drily. “You don’t know me at all apparently.”

“Okay, no resolutions! Jesus.”

“Time-bound goals stress me out,” I say, after a moment. “Especially year-long ones. I never know what’s gonna happen in any given year—ninja missions, my brain—and I don’t like feeling guilty if I can’t accomplish what I set out to.”

“I get that,” Kai says. His fingers find my scalp and start scratching lightly. An undignified groan escapes past my mouth. Fuck that feels good.

“What about…bucket lists?” Kai continues.

“Like, life?”

“Say the next five years. Is that just as stressful?”

I think about it. “No, weirdly not stressful.”

“Cole?” He keeps massaging my scalp, and I think I’m gonna start purring soon. “What is something you want in the next five years?”

You.

I meet his eyes but don’t say anything, though my mind is racing through a list.

I want to still be sleeping next to you and having hot sex and taking care of you when you’re sick. And remind you what an absolute fucking nightmare you are and how much I fucking love you.

“I can go first,” Kai says, interpreting my silence as hesitation. “In the next five years, I want to learn how to swim.” His fingers move from my head and trail down my chest. “Braid your hair. Convince you to wear eyeliner. Visit Bijou—with you. Fuck you in the back of your truck under the stars. Break fewer than five bones. Learn shibari. Drink less.”

Wow.

“Did you come up with those just now?” I ask.

“Some, yeah. Others I’ve thought about for awhile.” He nudges me with his hip. “Your turn.”

I take in a breath. “I want to…open my studio. Convince you to wear glasses. Visit Bijou—with you. Make love to you under the stars. Adopt a cat, well, a second cat.” Kai laughs at that. “Teach you shibari. Hide less.”

“Those are good,” he whispers. Then he gives a little gasp and knocks his knuckles against my sternum. “Wait, you know shibari?”

“Mm,” I hum. “I had a former boyfriend who was really into it.”

“Omifuckinggod. What? Tell me everything. Which ex? You have three, right?”

I can see Kai trying to determine which of the three people he knows of match his idea of bondage kink.

“Five,” I say.

“Five what?”

“Five exes.”

His eyes widen, and then a huge, wicked smile splits his face. “Tell me.”

“Tell you what?”

“Whatever you want. I fucking love learning new shit about you.”

So we talk, and share more pieces of ourselves as the clock inches toward midnight. We notice we’ve entered the new year a full twenty minutes after it happens.

“Best new year’s eve ever,” Kai whispers.

I kiss him, the first of the year. “I love you.”

“Love you, babe. Happy new year.”

~

full chapter here.

[oneunexpected]

Here's the Code of Claw playlist! This might be my favorite. When I started this project, I made a long list of songs I thought I might want to use just because they reminded me of the series, and I feel like this playlist is the one that has the most of those songs that I knew right off the bat would fit perfectly.

Because the chapters are longest in this book, you may beat each song to the end of the chapter. Sorry about that.

Listen along here. My explanations for each choice are below the cut.

1 - Bad by U2 - Aw, come on, you knew there would be U2! Since Gregor hasn’t really reacted to his impending doom yet, I chose this song to focus more on the reactions of Vikus and Mareth in this chapter, particularly Vikus beginning to break down and say he’d trade places with Gregor if he could. “If I could, through myself, set your spirit free / I’d lead your heart away / See you break, break away / Into the light / And to the day.”

2 - Hello Earth by Kate Bush - Kate Bush, badass she is, wrote a concept album within a bigger album about a woman who gets shipwrecked, has an out of body experience, and is ultimately rescued (or maybe she dies. I personally interpret it as she lives. That’s neither here nor there though). “Hello Earth” is when she’s closest to death and begins reflecting on her life and how she got herself into the situation in the first place. The release point of the song is her wailing, “Why did I go, why did I go?” before the song abruptly cuts to Gregorian chanting. That reminds me a lot of Gregor’s panic attack in this chapter, where he calms himself down with the thought of the stone knight in the Cloisters, where he says Gregorian chants are always playing softly.

3 - Blue Monday by New Order - The second verse in particular reminds me of Gregor and Solovet. “I can and shall obey / But if it wasn’t for your misfortune / I’d be a heavenly person today,” in particular. It also just sounds cool, which I thought would be fun with this chapter where Gregor’s escaping and riding back to battle.

4 - Orange Crush by R.E.M. - This is R.E.M.’s best-known anti-war song, and I chose it particularly for its interlude, which is this sort of rambling from this soldier (or perhaps officer) who enjoys the war. “This here country, hell, any country, it’s just like heaven here … I knew it all, I knew every back road and truck stop,” the narrator says. Gregor and Ares have their weird little moment of euphoria here, so I chose this song for them.

5 - Dirty Paws by Of Monsters and Men - This song tells of a war between the birds and the bees (don’t ask me if that’s supposed to be a euphemism I really don’t know), as the bees decided “the sky wasn’t big enough for them all” and attacked the birds. But then! “The birds, they got help from below / From Dirty Paws and the creatures of snow.” Bees = rats, birds = mice, Dirty Paws = Luxa, creatures of snow = Regalians, case closed. Mostly I just wanted to put this song somewhere in this playlist.

6 - Urn by Childish Gambino - I also just wanted to put this song in this book. It’s only a minute long, so you might have to repeat it a few times. It’s about staring down death and not being afraid, which fits Luxa pretty well, and the lines, “Don’t ever leave me, my love / Keep holding on” could represent Gregor begging Luxa not to die.

7 - Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Tears for Fears - I thought this song would be perfect for the dungeon sequence, and not just for the line, “There’s a room where the light won’t find you,” but that certainly sealed the deal. It’s a good song for living under Solovet’s shadowy gaze.

8 - Achilles Come Down by Gang of Youths - One of the first lines in this song is, “You’re scaring us, and some of us love you / Achilles, it’s not much but there’s proof” which reminds me of the way this chapter opens: with Gregor enraged and Mareth, Nerissa and Ripred deeply concerned. Even though Gregor sees their actions as an emotional betrayal, they acted out of care for Gregor. “Today, of all days, see / How the most dangerous thing is to love” works really well for how Luxa’s become such a big vulnerability for Gregor, too.

9 - Agnes by Glass Animals - This song was the toughest for me to choose. The song’s subject matter as a whole and the chapter don’t really fit that well, but it works in the sense it’s a narrator trying to calm down a friend with mental health problems, a little like Gregor and Lizzie. More than anything, I like it for the last line before the chorus and the chorus itself: “I want to hold you like you’re mine / You’re gone but you’re on my mind / I’m lost but I don’t know why.” It reminds me of Ripred, the way he must have felt seeing someone so much like his daughter. One thing I really love about this song is that the first chorus is just hummed, like there’s still some sort of restraint, or perhaps it’s because the narrator still can’t admit how much losing their friend hurt. I don’t know. Ultimately, it just felt right for this chapter to me.

10 - Dummy by Portugal. The Man - This song’s a bop, which is good, because that distracts you a little from lines like “My religion is a piano hanging over my head about to break free” and “The light is going out / The light in my life is going out.” The lyrics reminded me of Gregor’s desperate agreement with Ripred to get his family home, since Gregor would presumably be dead, and the tonal dissonance with the lyrics reminded me of how Gregor’s trying to hide his despair from his sisters.

11 - Violet Hill by Coldplay - This song has a good battle-y beat to it, and I also chose it for the line “I don’t wanna be a solider / Who the captain of some sinking ship / Would stow / Far below,” because that reminds me of how Gregor feels when Solovet sidelines him.

12 - As the World Caves In by Matt Maltese - This is one of the more peaceful chapters of this book. Gregor hangs out very briefly with his mom and then admits his feelings to Luxa. I thought it would be fitting to pair those interactions with a song about waiting for the world to end with a loved one.

13 - I Gave You All by Mumford and Sons - An angry song for an angry Gregor. This chapter is long, but he’s kinda mad throughout, so I hope it works well enough. “I gave you all / And you rip it from my hands and swear it’s all gone” represents how he feels towards Solovet — almost everything he’s done in the Underland has been for her ends, and still she takes more from him, in this by moving his mother somewhere he can’t reach.

14 - Losing My Religion by R.E.M. - In the South, to lose one’s religion means to lose one’s temper, basically, but I’m using it a little more literally here — this is where Gregor loses faith in Regalia, loses faith in Sandwich. Learning about the genocide against the diggers is the tipping point.

15 - Hurt by Johnny Cash - Sorry to people who prefer the Nine Inch Nails version, this is just my preference. Gregor’s literally hurt in the aftermath against the diggers, and this song has the sort of desolate tone that matches his state of mind at the time, and I could see Gregor feeling the sentiment of the chorus towards his sisters and Luxa, but but I also chose it for the ending of this chapter, that pivotal scene where we learn about Ripred’s pup and mates. The outro of the song goes, “If I could start again / A million miles away / I would keep myself / I would find a way,” which reminds me so much of him telling Lizzie he decided “it all had to change.”

16 - Heroes by David Bowie - A great song about doomed lovers, perfect for Gregor and Luxa’s first kiss. “Though nothing could keep us together / We could steal time / Just for one day / We could be heroes / Forever and ever” are great lyrics for this pairing, but what I love most is the emotional release point of the song: “I, I can remember / Standing by the wall / And the guns shot above our heads / And we kissed as though nothing could fall.” While I chose it for Gregor and Luxa mostly, I hope it carries you through the battle with the Bane appropriately, too.

17 - You Want It Darker by Leonard Cohen - With this song’s addition, I have included my whole trifecta of Songs Written By Dying Men in these playlists. The first was I Can’t Give Everything Away, which I used for Book 3, and the second was Hurt. This song is the darkest of the three, and not just for the title, and if you give the lyrics a listen you’ll see why. It’s a message from Cohen to God, essentially accusing Him of allowing so much suffering on earth, but at the same time the narrator is acknowledging he’s ready to die. Gregor’s accepting he’s dying and that Sandwich, evil as he was, must have been right. This song is lyrical genius and Cohen is one of my favorite writers of all time, so I encourage you to read it, but I’ll point out a few that led me to choose this song for this playlist. “It’s written in the scriptures / And it’s not some idle claim: / You want it darker / We kill the flame” reminds me of Sandwich’s prophecies, all of the death they call for, suggesting that Sandwich “wants it darker” — and the Underlanders fulfill them, essentially killing the flame at his request. Further, I really like the line “I didn’t know I had permission to murder and to maim,” just from a standpoint from comparing the Gregor who couldn’t own a pocket knife to the Gregor who’s a proficient killer. Also, isn’t it nice that this is the chapter where all the lights go out? Thanks, Suzanne, you made this one easy!

18 - Watching You Without Me by Kate Bush - Remember how I said Kate Bush wrote a concept album about a woman who gets shipwrecked and has an out of body experience? This is the part where she visits her loved ones before they know she’s dead (or in grave danger). It reminded me of the “rehearsal” Gregor walks in on when Lizzie and Boots think he’s dead. I can’t tie it much to the code cracking bit, sorry.

19 - Pyramid Song by Radiohead - In the midst of the code breaking celebration, Luxa gives Gregor a sad look, and he knows it’s because she’s thinking about his death. Then, he finds out Twitchtip’s dead. Well, this is a good death song. I knew this song would go somewhere in this playlist, but it ended up here because of Luxa saying Twitchtip was finally “safe.” That reminded me of “And we all went to heaven in a little rowboat / There was nothing to fear, nothing to doubt.” That’s how it works in the Underland. There’s only nothing to fear when you’re dead.

20 - After the Storm by Mumford and Sons - The verses of this song are pretty sad. There’s debate about whether a line goes “Well, I will die alone and be left there” or “Well, I won’t die alone and be left there,” but I’m choosing to hear the former for Gregor at this time. “Now I cling to what I knew / I saw exactly what was true / But oh, no more” goes well with Gregor sitting surrounded by all these prophecies by a man he no longer wants to believe. Despite the gloomy verses, the chorus is quite hopeful, promising there will be a time when things are better, mirroring the Peacemaker, which has its introduction in this chapter.

21 - Ladder Song by Bright Eyes - You know that gif of Goofy floating around a pool facedown? This song makes me feel like that. Starts out with quite a doozy of a verse: “Nobody knows where the ladder goes / You’re gonna lose what you love the most / You’re not alone in anything / You’re not unique in dying.” Well, Gregor is certainly reminded he’s not unique in dying while he’s watching the funeral services. This song in general is a great fit with this whole book. If I had to choose just one song to represent it, that song just might be this one. “Don’t hang around once the promise breaks / Or you’ll be there when the next one’s made / Kiss the feet of a charlatan” reminds me of the Underland’s whole cycle of making useless treaties to end wars only to violate them and go right back to war and then make new useless treaties. The charlatan is Sandwich. Anyways, the lyrics here are great if you love to be sad, give ‘em a read. I thought it fit well with this chapter and all the goodbyes Gregor faces in it.

22 - Motion Picture Soundtrack by Radiohead - The second half of this song fits with Gregor writing his note to Luxa. “Stop sending letters / Letters always get burnt / It’s not like the movies / They sell us on little white lies / I think you’re crazy, maybe / I think you’re crazy, maybe / I will see you in the next life.” Well, Luxa probably wouldn’t burn it, but Gregor’s not totally sure she’d ever want to listen to anything he had to say again. It’s not like the movies because in a classic adventure story, the two lovers would both live and they’d live happily ever after. They both think they’re crazy. And, well, there’s not much left for Gregor to say but “I will see you in the next life” — or the phrase he settles on, “One of us has to live.”

23 - 33 “GOD” by Bon Iver - “I would have walked across any thousand lands / I didn’t need you that night / Not gonna need you any time,” Justin Vernon sings, “Was gonna take it as it goes / I could go forward in the light / Well, I better fold my clothes.” This is the first hopeful chapter in a long, long time. Even though Gregor “would have walked across any thousand lands” for Sandwich, Gregor realizes he doesn’t need him and never has. The only thing remarkable about anything, Gregor says, is that Ares chose to save him. Sorry that the tone of this song doesn’t work with the last couple pages of the chapter. I’ll get back to sad songs soon.

24 - White as Snow by U2 - This is perhaps my most questionable choice, because this is a sad, slow song, not fit for the thick of combat. If you want something more battle-y for the first half, check out Exit by U2 because I briefly considered using it here. But I chose this song because it’s written from the perspective of a soldier dying. The last few verses are about how war makes everyone hostile to one another, leading to the last few lines: “Now the wolves are every passing stranger / Every face, we cannot know / If only a heart could be as white as snow.” I liked the line about a heart being as white as snow for the Bane. If only his life experiences were pure as his pretty fur. But this song, and its reflection on the narrator’s life, reminded me more than anything of dear Ares. I chose it for him.

25 - Mars by Sleeping At Last - A song about young people off at war, and then how hard it is to piece their lives back together in the aftermath. Everything is so terrible for all these poor people involved in this mess. I miss Ares. Temporary RIP to Ripred. (The outro about trying to build a better life goes well with the negotiations beginning, too.)

26 - Death and All His Friends by Coldplay - “No I don’t wanna battle from beginning to end / I don’t want a cycle of recycled revenge / I don’t wanna follow Death and all of his friends” for Gregor, Luxa and Ripred helping each other establish peace. “All summer we just hurried / So come over, just be patient, and don’t worry” for Gregor and Luxa quietly spending their last bit of time together.

27 - Sweetness Follows by R.E.M. - I heard this song for the first time when I was packing for college and the first lines hit me like a bowling ball to the chest. I had to sit down. Anyways, I chose this because it offers a very bittersweet sense of hope. Life is hard, there’s a ton of death, there’s a ton of strife and disconnect. But I love the last verse so dearly: “It’s these little things that can pull you under / Live your life filled with joy and thunder / Yeah, yeah, we were all together / Lost in our little lives / But oh / Sweetness follows.” Sweetness follows. We don’t really know what that means, but that’s what we’re promised. Life’s tough, but at least we get to be together. Sweetness follows.

Wow, thank you for reading this far! These playlists were a ton of fun to make and I really hope you have picked up at least one new song you like. If not, oopsies! Oh well.

[idleglowingpixels]

Big Update Post (Regarding XXY and some other projects)

WOW, I haven't posted anything in a while. I'm so sorry about that!

For an explanation, without getting into major personal details, I got a new job after having a really bad experience at another. And I started taking a medication around the same time that caused severe fatigue for me, to the point I unfortunately got fired for excessive absenteeism. That sent me into a major depressive slump, and I'm only just now digging myself out of it. Still on the job hunt, been filling out lots of paperwork and doing lots of interviews that go absolutely nowhere, but I'm optimistic I'll eventually find something.

Also, on a brighter note (My brain just refuses to be pessimistic for real lol), I've decided to attend college starting in January! My associate's degree majors are focusing on Creative Writing, as well as General Studies to get those main classes out of the way in the first two years. I then plan on pursuing the Creative Writing degree up to a bachelor's, and I'm planning on double-majoring with Graphic Design for those last two years for the namesake of a bachelor's degree in both fields (good for the resumes, y'know?), and also because my art and writing portfolios for original works are SEVERELY lacking. I don't think I've worked on them professionally since high school! :')

Okay, personal mess aside, as a result of the depressive slump, I was so severely demotivated that I fell extremely far behind on my writing goals for this month, which is a huge bummer. :C But I'm trying to work on being kinder and more patient with myself, and it's working so far, so I'm just gonna keep trucking along.

I'll share what I have gotten done, as well as what's coming up this October. So, without further ado, here you go:

XXY: I have fully completed the first drafts of Chapters 8 & 9, with Chapter 10's first draft pending completion. If I had to take a guess, between writing and editing the chapters for future drafts, I won't have Chapters 8-13 ready for release until at least December. This is because at my standard writing pace, I won't have all the first drafts completed until the end of October, and accounting for all the time I'll be spending editing the chapters or rewriting scenes where necessary, I doubt I will be able to provide any chapters in November. I'm so sorry for making you guys wait so long for an update, believe me. I appreciate your patience at this time and will do my best to complete these chapters up to my standards as soon as humanly possible.

Idle's Monster High AU (Working Title): Kicking off the official beginning of me sharing my Monster High AU, which I've been developing for roughly 2-3 years now, I'm spending the rest of this week in particular revamping the designs I drew from last year for the main 5 ghouls (Frankie, Draculaura, Clawdeen, Cleo and Lagoona) but didn't post. I'm gonna be sharing 1 redesign each week on this blog for the duration of October! I will also be posting a one-shot I've been writing and editing on-and-off throughout the last year or so, to commemorate this year's upcoming Friday The 13th! The one-shot will be posted on said date, October 13th. I'm BEYOND excited to share this one, and I even have a drawing for the fic I'll put in the fic's masterpost!

Ladybug And Chat Noir: A Miraculous Tale: For now, this project is still sidelined to make room for XXY and other works to be completed. I'm hoping to work on it more soon!

I'm also making a formal announcement soon for my new writeblr blog, focusing more on my original stories and stuff about them very soon! Just have to make a masterpost/introduction for the page and I'll reblog it here. After that, I'm keeping the blogs relatively separate, as this is my unhinged fandom blog and the other one's more on the "professional" side for my personal works.

That's it for tonight I think, and I hope this satisfies my lack of posting here lately. These last 2-3 weeks have been a real struggle for my mental health, but I'm finally seeing the sun over the horizon!

[bardic-inspo]

I’m totally a few chapters behind with BtG but I just wanted to say I’m so excited to see you’re still trucking away at it and that things are coming together. When I started following you a year or so ago I was always inspired by your writing updates and your dedication and systems to keep yourself in check. I’ve started writing again since then, but by no means have remotely attempted a project as big as yours. I’m considering NaNoWriMo but idk if I’m up for that yet! Anyway. Thanks for sharing both your creative work and your behind the scenes musings. It is really bolstering! Hope you’re doing well 🥳💜

This was such a sweet surprise to find in my inbox. I am so touched by your kindness, and to hear that I've helped inspire you in turn <3 <3

I had to laugh a little because I've often thought, if I had realized at the beginning how long BtG would turn out to be/how long it would take, I might have chickened out and never started it. But hey, I'm in it now 😂 But in all seriousness, coming back to the story after some time away while very exciting, was very difficult, and scary in some ways, and I can't say thank you enough for dropping this note. It warms my heart to have folks like you still along for the ride.

And congrats to you on making your way back to the page! You can consider this me waving pom poms across the internet, cheering you on, in whatever route you decide to pursue it. My personal feeling is that NaNo can be fantastic for rough-drafting, or if the main goal in mind is just getting words happening again. But, depending on the person or just where someone is at, I've also seen it be a source of pressure more than productivity. I'll also throw out there that I've enjoyed being a part of Get Your Words Out, which takes habit (# of writing days) or word count goal pledges each year in January, and you have the whole year to meet your goal. You can participate as little or as much as you'd like, there's a Discord server and they host word sprints and lots of little writing events throughout this year. Or, you can just do the monthly goal check ins (a short google form) and not do any of the other stuff. There's no worries about or consequences for not meeting your goal, and I like it as a sort of low-pressure accountability tool. They'll open up to new goal pledges again probably in late December/January if that piques your interest.

Thank you so much for the kind words, and the well wishes. I hope life is being nice to you, too, and I wish you best of luck with your writing <3 :)

[wytfut]

59 big window

I get accused of being a bit hasty in disposing of items that appear to have no worth or of no interest to me anymore. So I toss it, or sell it, and have been known to bury such items out back.

I think to myself that I’m cleaning up the place, but in reality, it maybe that I’m tired of said items haunting me, and I’ve had enough. Really not sure, but this makes sense. I do know, when the mood strikes me and someone were to come up and ask about said items... I’d probably just hand it over to them, I just don’t want to deal with it anymore, or see it.

There’s this old 1959 Ford short box big window we had around for a long time. 

This truck had a lot of Waverly owners for years before we got it. Initially purchased by old friend Make Danley.... some how he got it from a Shriners chapter or a 3rd party. They had used it as a parade truck, and it was then a loud turquois. And LOLOLOL, buckets of bondo... 

Little 223 inline 6, Mike painted the truck implement white, and thus the nickname “the milk truck” started, and was with this truck until I sold it. 

From there Mike sold it to the “Harris’s” who drove it for hi school one son, and then our neighbors the Nelsons had it for their sons lawn service and also hi school. 

Never really showing any major rust, the truck was litely abused, and had a fair  look to it, by the time we bought it. 

This was Lukes hi school vehicle, white and Inline 6, bench seat. Luke being constantly broke and no spare change, would run this thing on fumes a lot. In our cold winters this would obviously create frozen fuel lines, and I’d have to come to the rescue. Never had to worry about dirt in the fuel system with it being run on empty a lot of the time.

That old truck would just keep on chugging along. Never using any oil...  

Josh got to hi school age, and Luke buying his 1991 F150.... Josh became the new main driver of the Milk truck. 

Being I can’t leave anything alone, and Josh was game for anything to make it cool..... it became a project. 

I don’t remember which was first... paint or the engine. Don’t matter, I’ll just wing it.

Milk truck was starting to show lots of small spots of surface rust. On white, that just didn’t work back then. And I painted it Dandy Lion Yellow (see pictures), that was a Mopar Viper color. As you can see REAL LOUD YELLOW. 

Little bit of time went by... Luke found another big window 59 with a 292 V8 “Y”block in it. Motor ran horrible. And Luke wanted a motor to build in hi school shop class (I believe last class to do so in the Waverly district). I gave him the 223 out of the milk truck.

The Y block ended up in the milk truck, after I had done a tune and gaskets. And still ran horribly. I remember looking down in the heat riser pipe and seeing flames in the exhaust manifold.

 Looking at the heads before I sent them, I was shocked to see how far the valves were seated in the valve seats. The edges of the valves were like razors. Someone had done a hack valve job thinking on this engine just to revive it to “one more time”.  I ended up sending off for a valve job.

I don’t know why or how, but I had 3 sets of heads for a 292 laying around, for the machinist to build one good set. 

Got those heads back and it ran like a top. Replace 2bbl manifold with a 4bbl. Put headers on it with some smitties....   it actually ran hard and sounded great.  Became a very dependable motor. Rumor on this very engine, was the past owner had put it in Lukes purchased other 59, after he had found it laying in a mud driveway for many years. 

Gaskets and a valve job later.... great motor. 

We had around for a number of years an old 4 cylinder mustang that was a college car..... something to drive to school. It had been Jake’s college car, and then Lukes college car. Was getting pretty tired, as it was far from new when we got it. It had a T 5 transmission.

Being we were pretty lucky on the paint and engine, now we were going to put a T 5 in it. 

Found a web site that adapted Y block bell housings to T 5 trannys and bought it. Next thing was tranny placement, and then rebuilding drive shaft to fit the tranny on the ‘59.

Now we had something!!!! out standing!! That torquey Y block seemed to love that T 5.... perfect couple. Drove great, looked great, and sounded sweet. It was far from a show vehicle, but was a nice looking fun driver. 

One day one of my LTT working buddies (Paul Anderson) wanted to know if I wanted bucket seats out of a Square body super cab conversion. He wanted to put a bench back in it. I think we paid $$25 for both.  Looked good, no tears or stains.

Overall the 59 was a great lil ride..

Lincoln for a couple of years attracted, a large National Hot Rod tour. They’d hang out and tear up the streets of Lincoln for 2 days. Was a huge event the cops were not even close to prepared for the first year.

About 2 days before the second year of this event, Josh decided I needed to paint flames on the milk truck for this event.    Uh.... thanx Josh.. just as much my fault for agreeing to do it.

Thus the purple flames. This color came about by mixing up all the colors I had on the shelf...  didn’t look bad at all. 

Josh got out of hi school and it sat many years outside and in my barn. A couple of parts robbed off of it. My hopes were that Josh was going to want to go back and revisit the milk truck. Josh at that time had lost ALL interest in that truck by then.

Ended up selling to a fellow Gana employee who bought it for the tires and wheels. He then sold it rumored to someone out side of Waverly. I haven’t seen it since sold... 

The past is history, but sometimes I wish I had held onto it. Anymore work to it was going to be major, body work wise. Engine drive train, probably ok. 

Had a ton of fun with that truck... so did 2 of my boys. 

I’ve still got these pictures, and all of the memories. Can’t take the memories away from me.

[cjsinkythoughts]

The Conversation

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 7661 (Don’t come at me - you guys asked for it)

Warnings: !FATWS Spoilers!, Cursing, Fluff, Feelings, I Dunno What Else, This One’s Pretty Chill, Except The Ending, But You’ll See When You Get There

A/N: Here it is! I was hesitant about posting it because that means we’re getting closer to the end and I’m such a nostalgic bitch! I’m definitely gonna cry next week when the last episode comes out! Anyways, I’ve got a few things to talk about:

I think this is one of the most important chapters I’ve written and I’m excited to see your reactions to it. It is longer, but you guys asked for that, so you got it! Also, I’m loving the Asks, Comments, and Reblogs. I try to respond to all of them. I have work in a little bit, so I won’t be able to until after, but I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Ask me anything; about my series, the show, any of the movies, personal stuff, I really don’t care. If you’re not comfortable, that’s totally fine! Every like means so much to me!

I know it’s not the end yet - we’ve got one more episode and a list of One Shots to get through - but there’s a definite feeling of this series coming to an end, and I just want to thank you all for the support and love you’ve been giving it! I’ve really enjoyed writing these characters and this story! It’s very, very special to me and I’m glad I’ve been able to share it with you lovely people!

On that note, be kind to yourselves and others! Thank you again for reading! Excuse any mistakes - this isn’t beta’d! Enjoy and stay tuned!

FATWS Masterlist

cjsinkythoughts Masterlist

!SPOILERS UNDER CUT! (Sorry for the gifs I just love them so much and he’s so pretty and this part is technically two parts so...you get four!)

“Louisiana.” Bucky hummed, looking around the airport.

You rolled your eyes. “You’re not gonna find anything interesting about Louisiana in here, doofus. Let’s call an Uber.”

“An Ooper? What the hell is an Ooper?”

You giggled, shaking your head and grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the luggage carousel. “Uber. It’s like…a taxi service. But there’s an app on your phone to get a driver instead of waiting for one on the street.”

“Oh.” He blinked, tilting his head. “That’s…helpful.”

You laughed again, stopping in front of Carousel 3, where your flight from New York was assigned. You went back to New York to grab a bag with clean clothes and other necessities, along with taking a real shower for once. It was nice to be back in the States, as much as you loved traveling. It’d been a crazy few weeks and you were ready to just relax.

“Do you think there were any problems with Sammy’s present?”

Bucky shook his head. “Nah. Especially considering they know who we are.”

You snickered at his slight grumble. They had had…problems at the other two airports - first the one in Sokovia then JFK in New York - considering Bucky’s entire arm was metal. It’d taken a full hour before they actually let you go, and by that time they had to give you a new plane because yours had left.

“Seriously. Who else has a fucking metal arm and has 1917 listed as their birth year on their Driver’s License?” You giggled again. That was also true. They thought he was messing with them. It wasn’t until you stepped in a few minutes after they asked Bucky to step to the side, seeing Bucky get frustrated, that they realized Bucky wasn’t pulling their legs.

“Well, we’re here now and that’s all that matters.”

He nodded in agreement, watching for your bags, his hand finding yours when he realized how many people there were. “Do you know where he lives? I didn’t even think about it.”

“Yeah, don’t worry. He invited me over once. I declined, but I saved the address.”

“He…invited you over?” Bucky frowned.

You gave him a look. “I’m sure he invited you, too. You just never checked his texts.”

He licked his lips, tilting his head. “Yeah, no, I know, but I mean…why didn’t you go? Weren’t you two just talking about how you wanted to meet his nephews the other day?”

“Yeah, but I had gotten a tip on Wanda at the time and I didn’t want to miss the chance that she was there. He told me it was fine. I still felt really bad. I could tell he was a bit disappointed. I think it was one of the boys’ birthdays. Or something. I don’t remember. Is that bad? Yeah, probably. I really should remember. Maybe I should keep track of birthdays on my calendar or something.”

“Doll.” You looked up to find him giving you a magnificent smile, teeth and all. “You’re rambling.”

“Oh. Am I? Sorry. I didn’t realize.”

He shook his head quickly, squeezing your hand. “Don’t apologize. It’s cute. I’m just not used to you talking so much. You kinda did on the phone sometimes.”

You shrugged, pushing down the heat crawling up your neck at his words. “I rambled a lot to Steve.”

“Oh.”

His face fell, making you scrunch your eyebrows up in confusion, nudging him slightly to grin at him. “It’s nice to have someone to ramble to again, though.” There was that smile again. You were stopped from saying anything more when you noticed some kids pointing and chattering excitedly at a gleaming silver box coming around the corner on the conveyor belt. “There it is.”

He looked over his shoulder, dropping your hand and stepping over to grab it, lifting it effortlessly. You didn’t know what was in it or how heavy it was, but you were sure it felt like a feather to him.

“Alright. Got our bag, sweetheart?” You lifted up the duffle in answer and he jerked his head towards the doors. “Let’s get outta here, then. Call that Booper or whatever.”

“U-B-E-R! Ub-er!” You threw your hands up, following him as he started walking towards the exit. “What’s so hard about it?!”

He just gave you a little smirk over his shoulder.

***************

Bucky kept asking the Uber driver questions about his job. The guy was super nice and patient the whole time, a thick southern accent lacing his answers. Southern hospitality was no joke and apparently had no limit as Bucky asked about his experiences, listening intently and telling him his own stories of taxi drivers in NYC.

When you got to Sam’s sister’s house, Bucky, being Bucky, tipped the driver half of what you paid for the ride, thanking him for his time and energy, before getting out.

“You’re so adorable, you know that?” You teased him as you stepped up the porch stairs and knocked on the door.

He rolled his eyes, a tint of pink dusting across his cheeks. “He was nice.”

You hummed at his defense, the smile never leaving your features. After a moment, Bucky raised his fist to knock again. “Jesus Christ! Don’t fucking knock their door down!” You grabbed his wrist and lowered it.

“Sorry. I forget sometimes.” Bucky informed you absentmindedly,  tilting his head to peek in the window. “I don’t think anyone’s home.”

“They’re probably at the docks, then.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow. “The docks?”

You nodded, gesturing for him to follow you. “Yeah. They have a boat, remember? He talked about it last week.”

“Oh right. The one he’s trying to convince his sister not to sell.”

“Yeah.” You confirmed. “I’m pretty sure it’s that way. I don’t know how far, but we can call the Uber back-”

Bucky scrunched up his face and shook his head. “Nah. I don’t wanna bother him again. We can walk.”

You gave him an incredulous look. “It’s literally his job to drive people around.”

“Well, yeah, but what if he’s got other people to drive?”

You lifted his metal knuckles to your lips. “Trust me, Buck, I’m sure he’d rather drive you than anyone else.”

“Thank you?”

Swinging your now linked hands, you gave a firm nod, letting him know it was, in fact, a compliment. “You are so very welcome.”

The walk was a lot longer than you thought it was, and you ended up on Bucky’s back after he kept complaining about how you “shouldn’t be walking this long” and you were “injured” and you “needed rest’”. You’re not sure how a shoulder wound affected your ability to walk, but you relented and let him carry you the rest of the way to stop his whining.

“You forget, you did pull your thigh.”

“That was, like, three weeks ago! Yeesh!”

You finally got to the docks, which were bustling with people. Bucky set you down and raised an eyebrow which you shrugged in reply to, before heading over to where you spotted Sam with a few other older men.

“How do we get it off the truck?” You heard Sam ask, pointing to a large boat engine part in the bed of a beaten up truck. Scoffing as Bucky lifted it up without breaking a sweat, you leaned against the truck. Bucky grunted and set it down, looking at Sam.

“You’re welcome.” What a punk. “Just dropping this off.” Bucky lifted the case and set it where the engine was previously, Sam coming to stand on the opposite side of the truck as you. “You can sign for it and I’ll go.” You snorted, shaking your head, making Bucky shove your shoulder - the uninjured one - playfully. “I called in a favor from the Wakandans.”

Sam looked at you curiously. You shrugged and shook your head. “Don’t look at me, Sammy. He wouldn’t tell me what it is. He’s all hushy hushy about it until you say so.”

Before Sam could reply, there was a squeak and hissing over at the boat where steam was coming from a few pipes.

“Sam!” You knew that was Sarah from pictures Sam showed you. You stayed up by the truck, pulling yourself onto the bed while Sam tried fixing the pipe, Bucky butting in to show him how to do it properly.

“Why didn’t you use the metal arm?”

You saw Bucky lift up said metallic limb. “Well…I don’t always think of it immediately. I’m-I’m right handed.” Letting out a laugh, Bucky turned around and scowled teasingly at you. “And what’re you laughing at?!”

“Nothing!”

“Well then get your ass over here!”

You rolled your eyes, hopping down from the truck as Bucky asked if Sam wanted help with the boat. You leaned against a wooden post, grinning when Sam looked at you.

“I don’t have any plans.”

Sam gave a small smile, jerking his head back. “Yeah.”

You jumped down onto the boat to follow him, looking over your shoulder and stopping with an amused eyebrow raised as Bucky introduced himself to Sarah. “I’m Bucky.”

“Ah…Sarah.”

“Sarah.” Bucky repeated her name, before walking towards you, a grin still on his lips.

“Careful, Barnes. That playboy Steve warned me about is coming out.” You nudged him with a smirk, ignoring the feeling of your stomach dropping.

He rolled his eyes, kissing your head as he passed you and Sam to go where Sam was gesturing. “Don’t worry, Y/N. You’re still my doll.”

Sam raised an eyebrow, falling into step besides you and lowering his voice. “Conversation?”

“Hasn’t happened.” You informed him through clenched teeth as he groaned.

Sam gave you a list of chores that needed to be done to clean up the boat, giving you a quick tour and letting you know where all the tools needed where. You set to work immediately.

Sanding down, replacing old parts, cleaning, polishing and painting over the things that didn’t need replacing. They didn’t let you do any heavy lifting because of your stupid shoulder, but you were still able to help.

Sam had turned on some music for you to listen to, so you danced around the boat while cleaning. Turning your head when you felt a pair of eyes on you, you smiled when Bucky snapped his head back down to the wood he was sanding down.

“Gonna dance, Barnes?”

He looked back over, shaking his head. “Nah. I’m good watching you.”

Rolling your eyes, you got back to work, continuing to bop to the music, fully aware that he was watching you now.

A little while later, you were repainting the edges of the boat orange, when you looked over and noticed Bucky playing around with a paint scraper…sitting right on the edge that you had just finished repainting a few minutes ago.

“Buck!”

He looked over, eyebrows raised. “Yeah?”

You bit your lip, trying to hold back your mischievous grin. Shaking your head, you waved dismissively. “Never mind!”

He gave you a confused sort of pout, before shrugging and continuing to fidget with the tool. It wasn’t until later when he got up to help Sam tear the metal plating off the edge that it came to light with Sam chuckling and raising an eyebrow.

“Sit in something there, Barnes?”

“What?”

Bucky craned his neck back, eyes widening when he saw the orange paint on his ass, contrasting with his jeans. You let out a cackle and he whipped towards you, pointing at you accusingly, although the small uptick of his lips let you know he wasn’t really mad.

“Y/N!”

“No, no, no!” You laughed, sprinting across the deck, shrieking when he grabbed your waist and spun you around. You gasped when he grabbed a paint brush and painted an orange stripe right down the front of your shirt. “James!”

“Justice, sweetheart.” He breathed in your ear with a chuckle.

You shook your head, wiggling out of his hold. “This is a nice shirt!”

“You should’ve thought about that before.” He smirked, crossing his arms. Your eyes caught sight of Sam behind him, who raised an eyebrow and the bucket of paint he was holding. You nodded with a little giggle, making Bucky’s eyes narrow. “What’s so funny over there, do - holy shit!

You guffawed as orange paint dripped down his head, Sam standing innocently behind him with the now empty bucket behind his back. “Samuel!”

“Oops?”

“I’m gonna kill you!”

“Try me old man!”

“Fuck!

“Doll!”

“Oh my God!”

Paint, orange and white since those were the only cans they had out, flew across the deck, paint brushes being used like fencing swords.

You found out too late that wet paint was a little bit slippery and you slid on a huge puddle, sending you, not onto the ground below, but over the side of the edge into the water. 

“Doll!”

“Cher, you good?!” 

The three of you looked at each other, stunned for a moment, before bursting into fits of laughter and you nodded. “I’m good!”

The boys helped you get back up onto the dock, Sarah appearing with towels she conjured up out of thin air. “Let’s get you into dry clothes. Do you have-?”

“We’ve got some. We got a bag.” You told her with a grin, facing the guys. “You two should clean up some, too. Sammy, you’ve got a little something right there.” You pointed to your cheek, his own having a giant white splotch from his temple to his jaw. “And Buck?” You sniggered, gesturing to the whole of him. “You’ve got a lotta something right there.” 

“Ha. Ha.” He looked down. His top was practically tiger print, drenched in orange with white here and there, and his ass still orange as well. His hair, which had been plastered to his forehead, was starting to dry now, and it only made you laugh some more thinking about what a pain it’d be to get it out. For him, at least.

“God. Can’t even have a relaxing day on the boat with you two.” Sam jested once you finished up and joined him and Bucky, who had just finished dumping out some water buckets. Bucky had changed his shirt and it looked like they tried wiping their faces, but Sam still had small lines of white down his face. “How ‘bout a couple of drinks? Surely you can’t ruin that too.”

“Ruin?” You gasped in mock offence. “Sammy! I just made the day more…interesting.”

Sam chuckled, ruffling Bucky’s hair, which still had orange streaks in it. “Let’s go get some beers.”

************

You chatted for a bit, mainly you and Sam with you asking how Sarah and the boys were while Bucky with your legs in his lap, just listening to you two and sipping at his bottle. You had his hand in your own lap, wiping it down with a rag due to the paint that got on it.

“You’re lucky this is vibranium, you know.” You commented off handedly. “If it was your other one, it’d definitely get stained.”

“And who’s fault is that?” Bucky shot back with a teasing grin.

“Sammy’s.”

Sam spluttered. “Wh-what?! You started it!” You laughed, shaking your head.

Falling into a comfortable silence with just the water and birds chirping as your soundtrack, you downed the rest of your drink, which Bucky took as finished. “Well,” you moved your legs to let him stand up. He leaned forwards to clink his bottle against Sam’s and you stood up and stretched. “Gotta catch our flight tomorrow. Get a hotel room for the night.” Sam gave you a look to which you rolled your eyes at as Bucky set down his bottle and grabbed his jacket. “Crash, you know?”

“So you’re just gonna set me up like that, huh?”

“Well I don’t wanna make it weird for your family.”

“Just stay here.” You laughed as Sam babbled on about how nice the people were here, grabbing the jacket Bucky handed to you. It was getting a bit chilly from the breeze on the water and the sun going down. Plus, that water was cold.

“But don’t flirt with my sister.”

You cackled at Bucky’s face, that turned serious, his head shaking. “No.”

“‘Cause if you do I’ll have Carlos cut you up and feed you to the fish.”

“Can’t hold back the dog, Wilson. It’s been stuck in a kennel too long.”

Bucky turned to you, grabbing your jaw and squishing your cheeks together. “You know what? You need to shush. You’ve been snippy all day.”

You just smiled as innocently as you could with your lips being held by his metal fingers. “You’re too fun to mess with.”

He pecked your nose. “As long as I’m the only one you’re messing with. I’ll be right back.” He let you go and spun around, maneuvering around the boat in a way only a trained assassin could do.

“Oh my God, please! Please just put me out of my fucking misery! You’re killing me, cher.”

“What?” You gaped at him.

“Don’t act innocent!” Sam huffed, giving you a pointed look. “If I have to watch you two make googly eyes at you one more fucking day with neither of you doing anything about it-”

You rolled your eyes. “Oh come on, Sammy-”

“Don’t ‘come on, Sammy’ me! And don’t come at me with that ‘he doesn’t like me back’ bullshit. If you think for a second that boy wouldn’t follow you to the depths of the fucking ocean, you’re blind as a bat, woman.”

You shrugged, pushing up the sleeves of Bucky’s too big jacket. “It just…hasn’t come up.”

He deadpanned, shaking his head and standing up. “That’s it. I’m done. You two are driving me insane. I’m gonna lock you in a room until you have the conversation that needs to be had the next time either of you does something stupid.”

“Yikes. That’s gonna be quick.” At his look, your smile dropped and you nodded. “Okay, okay. I’ll…I’ll bring it up later.”

“Tomorrow or nothing.”

“Sam-”

Sam tilted his head, brow creasing. “Is it still Steve? Is that what this is still about? Because he’s gone, and he’s been gone and you need to get over it-”

“No. It’s not…” You sighed. “It clicked the other day. When we were hanging out. Steve left and, yeah, I might always love him, but Bucky…God…I love Bucky, Sam.”

The man grinned proudly. “I’m glad to finally hear you admit it. So what’s the problem?”

“It’s still complicated, right? I mean…he’s his best friend and I’ve never dealt with stuff like this before and-”

Sam’s smile dropped and he groaned again. “Imma head out. I can’t take this. Dumbass and dumberass. I swear to God.” You sniggered a bit as he grumbled, walking towards the ramp to climb off the boat, just as Bucky reappeared.

“Hey-”

“Nope! Not right now, Barnes! I can’t handle it! I can’t!”

Bucky gave you a weird look. “What’d you do?”

You chuckled, shaking your head. “Nothing.”

“Well, c’mon, doll. Sarah said she’s gonna make gumbo for us, whatever that is.” He held out his hand as you walked over. 

“You’re such a city boy.” You teased lightly, taking his hand and letting him help you pull you onto the dock. You shoved the sleeves of his jackets up again since they slipped from the first time. “Let’s go get some dinner. I’m starving.”

******************

“We have the couch and a mattress we can pull out, I just have to make Sam get it from the attic-”

“That’s alright. The couch is fine.” Bucky waved dismissively while you nodded in agreement.

Sarah raised an eyebrow at you two. “For both of you?”

You blinked, exchanging a look with Bucky, before shrugging and turning back to her. “Yeah.”

“Don’t fight it, Sarah.” Sam peeked out from the hall. “They’ve got a weird relationship.” You stuck your tongue out at the man while Bucky rolled his eyes, dropping your duffle bag by the couch. “How mature, Y/N.” Sam mimicked your action.

“Uhm…okay. Let me set up the couch for you then.”

Once everything was set up, you and Bucky thanking her for dinner - delicious and you’d never seen Bucky smile so much, the boys having kept him highly entertained throughout the meal - and for letting you crash, Sam and Sarah headed to their rooms, the boys already having been tucked in for the night.

“Are you gonna sleep on the floor?” You asked quietly, sitting down on the couch and doing the things for your night routine you didn’t already do in the bathroom.

“I think I’ll be okay.” He sat besides you. “I’ve been doing fine the past week or so.”

You smiled at him. “That’s good. Alright.” You stood up and stretched. “Let me just make sure everything’s in the bag and ready-”

You yelped when his arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you into his chest, shifting down to lay against the couch’s arm. “Do it in the morning.” He yawned, looking up at you tiredly. “I wanna go to sleep.”

“Then go to sleep, Buck. I’ll be right back.” He shook his head, his hold tightening as he sunk deeper into the couch.

“No. I fall asleep better with you.”

You rolled your eyes but grinned, settling down with your legs between his, your chin resting on his sternum so you could still look at him. He beamed, but you could see the exhaustion settling in, and he grabbed the blanket Sarah left over the back of the couch and draped it across your back, over both of your legs, before his arms crossed snugly under the covers at the small of your back.

“Dinner was nice tonight. I haven’t had a meal cooked like that in ages.” You hummed.

He nodded in agreement. “I think that’s the first time I’ve sat around a table with a family since the 40′s.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Did you like it?”

“Yeah...kinda makes me wish I had my own.”

“Your own what?”

“Family.”

You bit your lip, shyly avoiding his gaze. “You’re my family, Buck.”

A light kiss was pressed to your forehead, his fingers bringing your gaze back to his. “There’s no one else I’d rather have.” The room lapsed into silence again, the clock ticking on the wall, the low sound of crickets outside.

“You have really pretty eyes.” You mumbled, tilting your head slightly as you studied them. They always held so much emotion in them, especially in contrast to when you first met him as Soldat. They matched the water you fell in, and you wouldn’t mind falling over and over into them.

“Yeah, well, you’re just really pretty inside and out, so I think you’ve got me beat, doll.” He whispered back.

“You know who else is pretty? Sarah.”

He nodded with a hum. “That’s true. But I meant what I said. You’ll always be my doll.”

“So you’re not gonna ask her out?”

He gave you a weird look as you traced his sharp jawline absentmindedly. “Nah, sweetheart. It’s just…some harmless flirting. Except on Sam’s part.”

You gave a soft huff of laughter. “Yeah…he’s gonna strangle you. It is nice to see you like that, though. Flirty. Relaxed. Happy.”

“You make me happy, sweetheart.” He hummed, nosing your temple. “The road trip helped. I’m learning everything from you. Maybe not the flirting, but the carefree part.”

You blinked at him, finger stopping for a moment as you thought. “Oh…”

You felt his fingers dance up your spine, making you shiver slightly. “What I would give to know what’s goin’ on inside that pretty lil’ head’a yours, doll.”

“I just think it’s funny you’re learning how to be carefree from me…when I just started learning how to do it myself.”

“Oh yeah?”

You nodded, your finger continuing its path down his jaw. “I think it started with the goats.”

“The goats?”

You nodded again, resting your cheek on his chest, watching your finger move up from his chin. Once you got to the end of his jaw, you lightly scratched his scruff. “In Wakanda. Our goats.” You weren’t looking at him, so you didn’t see the way he physically melted at your words, his eyes going soft, his lips turning up slightly.

“Our goats, huh?”

But your tired brain wasn’t really processing what he said, instead focusing on the features your finger was now tracing - over his lips, up his nose. “You’re pretty too, Buck. Did you know that? Inside and out.”

He craned his neck to kiss your forehead. “Go to sleep, cuddle bug.”

Nodding, you nuzzled into his chest, finger feeling over the bumps and indents on the dog tags resting near your head. You tried going to sleep, but you kept shifting, your mind not shutting off.

“Hey, sleepyhead, I’m trying to, you know, sleep.”

“Sorry.” You apologized meekly. “I just…I dunno. I can’t.”

“Are you comfortable?” He peeked open and eye to look at you questioningly. You nodded. “Is it too hot? We can take the blanket off. I know I’m a walking furnace-”

You shook your head. “No. I don’t know why. I just can’t sleep.”

He licked his lips thoughtfully, before cradling your head and guiding you back down to his chest. “Lay down, sweetheart. Relax.” He stroked your hair, moving his head down to rub circles in your back muscles, pressing down harder when he felt knots. 

You hummed, your eyes closing. “That feels good.”

“Shshsh. Just go to sleep.” His lips pressed against your head once more, lingering a bit longer than they usually do, as you felt yourself drift off. You cuddled his side, throwing a leg over his waist, before nodding off, only barely hearing his words. “Attagirl. There we are.”

******************

“Doll?” You felt a shift underneath you and groaned, your eyes barely cracking open. “Hey, sleepyhead…it’s okay. I’m just gonna slip out from under ya, alright? Gonna go help Sammy with somethin’.”

You raised an eyebrow, letting him move you against the cushions as he sat up on the edge of the couch. “Sammy?”

“Yeah.” He bent over and kissed your cheek. You stretched out your limbs, about to rub your eyes, when he stopped you, kissing the inside of your wrists. “No. Not you, doll. Go back to sleep.” 

“Bu’...’m gonna help.” You slurred out, looking at him with confused, squinty eyes.

He chuckled, shaking his head. “It’s okay. Rest. You can help when you wake up again. Okay?” You mumbled out an “okay”, bringing the covers up to your chin and snuggling deeper into the cushions. “There ya go, cuddle bug. Good girl.” There was another kiss, one to your temple this time, before you slipped back into unconsciousness.

******************

The next time you woke up was because of a clatter in the kitchen. You yawned and sat up, stretching, eyebrows furrowing when you realized Bucky wasn’t with you. It took you a moment to remember your conversation, which you half thought you dreamt.

“Boys!”

“Sorry!”

You chuckled at the shouts, rubbing your eyes. “I am so sorry!” Sarah apologized, looking over at you from the stove. Trying to make the boys breakfast before school. Do you want anything? Eggs? Cereal? Toast?”

“Uh, cereal’s fine.” You stretched out your back again, before throwing back the covers and standing up, a little shakily.

“You wouldn’t happen to know where Sam went, would you?”

You raised an eyebrow. “Uh, I think him and Bucky went to fix something on the boat. I don’t for sure, though.”

Sarah groaned. “He probably went to fix the stupid water pump which doens’t need fixing. Dumbass.”

You chuckled, padding over into the kitchen. “Yeah. I just work with him. I can’t imagine growing up with him.”

“Trust me; some days you want to throw him in a box and send him out to sea. Bowls are in that cupboard.”

You snickered, moving over to grab a bowl from the cupboard she pointed to. “That’s how I feel with Bucky. Sam is less often, but when those two get together…it’s a full zoo.”

She laughed at that, nodding as she got out the milk and a few boxes of cereal for you to choose from, handing you a spoon. “That I believe.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course.”

You started pouring your cereal, watching in slight amusement as she got the boys ready for school. “Bus is here! Get out the door! Bye! Love you! Make sure you take those extra lunches to-!”

“Yeah, mom! We know! Love you too!”

You gave a slight smirk as she huffed, looking around the kitchen at the pans and dishes left out. “Kids, huh?”

She gave you a smile. “Yeah. They’re a handful, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything. How about you? Any thoughts of kids?”

“Me?” Your eyes widened, nearly choking on your food. “Oh God no. Not right now, at least. I don’t even have a solid house right now. My life’s too off the walls for that.”

“And Bucky?”

You raised an eyebrow as she leaned on the counter. “Bucky? What about Bucky?”

“Does he want kids?”

“Uh…I dunno.” You shrugged, clearing your throat as you remembered your talk last night. “Kinda makes me wish I had my own.” You quickly pushed his words aside. “He hasn’t told me.”

“Wait, wait. You two…aren’t together then?”

You blinked, your eyes widening again. “Together? Me and Bucky? No…why? Did Sam say something?”

Her expression morphed into one of disbelief, crossing her arms. “Sam didn’t say anything. You guys did. Are you seriously expecting me to believe you aren’t together?”

“We’re not! I mean - he was flirting with you yesterday-”

“Right, okay. Honey, that’s flirting. And it’s harmless. The way he follows you like a puppy and you look at him like he hung the stars? That’s feelings. And that’s a lot more impactful than flirting.”

You frowned in contemplation. It was really that obvious? You were really that blind? This whole time? You knew Sam knew - but you just figured that’s because he’s been there since it started. And Sharon knew for the same reason. But Sarah? The woman you just met the day prior and had barely had a conversation with?

“It’s, uh…” You chewed on your cheek, swirling your cereal around. “It’s complicated.”

Sarah didn’t look impressed. “Do you like him?”

“I’m kinda in love with him-”

She shrugged, not letting you finish your bashful statement. “Then I don’t see what’s complicated about it.”

And that was that. She turned to clean up breakfast, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

You thought it was more complicated than that. I mean…you were in love with your best friend. Who left you. With the guy you had feelings for who just so happened to be your best friend/crush’s best friend. And now you were completely in love with your best friend’s best friend, but your best friend still had a piece of your heart.

But…you loved Bucky. And he was here. And Steve was not. And when you put it that way…you guess it wasn’t so complicated after all.

******************

You snickered as you walked up behind Sarah, the woman berating the men for not leaving the water pump along like she asked.

“Hi, Sarah.”

Sam shot Bucky a warning look, who grinned, but you were surprised to see Sarah ignore him, sending you a knowing glance instead, before turning back to Sam. “I told you specifically that the water pump was not the problem, and yet, here you are.”

“Yep, Samuel.”

You chuckled, Bucky shooting you a wink. “Yeah, Samuel.”

Sam narrowed his eyes at you, turning to Sarah. “In our defense, you were supposed to be done long before you woke up.”

You nearly facepalmed at his “defensive” and you were trying so hard to hold back laughing as she told Sam off, sending them away.

“I don’t wanna hear a peep from you.” Sam pointed at you, but that only made your chortles come out, and you didn’t even bother hiding them. “She’s a very mean person.”

“It’s tough love.”

You giggled as they started arguing, slipping an arm around their waists, their arms instinctually coming up to your shoulders.

“Oh my God. A prowess?”

“Yes, Y/N. A prowess.”

“You know, maybe if you someone let me help-”

“Hey, woah! You were tired! I let you sleep! I was being nice!���

“Too late now. I’ll be lucky if Sarah lets me within a hundred feet of it!”

“She got you so good, Sammy!”

“I agree with Buck for once! You’re too snippy right now! And c’mon man! Stop flirting with my sister!”

“It’s my natural charm.”

“Charm? What charm?”

“Ouch, doll! That one hurt!”

****************

“Okay.” You stepped out of the bathroom, walking over to the couch and setting the bag down on it. “I’ve got everything packed. We’ve got a little over an hour until we need to head out which gives you two time to go set something up for Sammy and maybe even a bit or training before we leave.” 

Bucky frowned. “You’re not gonna come out?”

“I will in a bit. I just got a phone call I need to take.”

Sam narrowed his eyes. “Government call?”

You gave a mocking smile. “Can you guess what they want to talk about? It’s okay. I’ll survive. It’s only a phone call, so I can always hang up. Pretend I didn’t have good service. I do it all the time.”

“I’m sure you do.” Sam chuckled. “In that case, I’m gonna go grab some stuff and get the shield.” As he walked out, he made sure to mouth at you behind Bucky’s back ‘conversation’ making you swallow thickly. You were planning on talking to Bucky anyways, and with Sam’s insistence…

“Okay, so, I was thinking when we get back-”

“Can I talk to you?”

Bucky stopped digging through the bag, blinking at you in surprise at your sudden burst. “Uh…well, we already are, so yes.” He chuckled, straightening and crossing his arms.

“I wanna have the conversation.”

He was left stunned, once again, his mouth opening and closing and his weight shifting form one foot to the other. “Like…that conversation? R-right now? Are you sure?”

You winced at her nervousness. “Sorry, sorry. I know it’s kinda…I just…I need to talk about it. Now.”

“Okay, okay. No, that’s fine. Don’t apologize. I just wasn’t expecting it.” Bucky cleared his throat. “That’s all.”

“Okay…” You breathed with a small nod. You opened your mouth, but Bucky shook his head.

“I hafta say this first; I didn’t mean to hurt you by telling you about Steve. I-I dunno what I thought. That it’d give you closure or something. I dunno. But it hurt you and I’m sorry. That wasn’t my intention.”

“Buck-”

“I was jealous. And guilty. And mad. And upset. I still am. Kinda. I guess. I dunno.” Bucky shook his head, running his hand through his hair and all you could do was gape at him as he started confessing to you. “Remember when we danced? In Madripoor? Doll…I don’t wanna dance ever again if it’s not with you. I fucking love you, Y/N. And not in the way we’ve said it before. I’m in love with you. I have been for-for a while now. I just - you were Steve’s. Steve loved you and you loved Steve and that was that and I was just the broken childhood best friend. But Steve left and he told me to take care of you and I didn’t know what to do with that, because you still love Steve. I think. I dunno. And I didn’t want to break what we have because you’re all I have left of him. You and that stupid shield. You’re my family. My home. I really meant it when I told you that. And that’s why I couldn’t tell you. Because it means too much for me to break what we have because I fell in love with my best friend’s girl. You know?”

He looked at you with pleading eyes, begging you to understand, but your brain was still trying to process what he was telling you.

“Oh God…” He groaned. “And now I just told you everything and you’re looking at me like that wasn’t what you wanted to hear and now I’m thinking this wasn’t the conversation you were thinking it was going to be-”

You were moving across the room before you could stop yourself, pulling him by the teal Henley you knew was comfortable having worn it to bed before when you visited him in New York, and slanting your lips over his.

His breathing hitched and he froze, and for a hot second you thought you made everything worse, but then he was kissing you back and his hands were on your hips and he was pulling you closer and it felt so fucking good you didn’t want to pull back for air.

“Shut up.” You muttered when you finally did pull back, your forehead against his, your eyes clenched shut. “Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up.” You pulled back to look up at him, chests heaving against each other, your eyes prickling. “I’m not good at this. I’m not good at opening up. I only ever was good at it with Steve but Bucky…I’ve been doing it with you. This whole time and I didn’t even realize it until the conversation in the car.”

He reached up to cup your cheeks, wiping away the relieved tears that were falling from the weight you were finally getting off your chest.

“I love you. I’m in love with you. How could I not be? After all that time in Wakanda? I was never Steve’s girl, Bucky. I wanted to be. Dammit, did I wanna be, but I wasn’t. Not really. And he’s gone. But you’re not. And I don’t know why it took me so long to see that. That you’re the one in front of me. You’re the one who held me when I needed it once he left. You’re the one that would listen to my rambles that I’m just realizing was most of our phone calls. You’re not just the broken childhood friend. Don’t ever think that. I don’t pick up the phone at five in the morning after searching for a friend until two for just anyone. Even Steve’s best friend. And I’m such an idiot because I’ve been pushing away my feelings all these years for Steve and then I let them out with you at the wrong time, because I love Steve, Bucky, but I’m not in love with him. Not since I fell in love with you. And I know it doesn’t make sense, but Steve was the first one I cared about and that’s just how I feel and I can try to explain, but-”

His lips crashed onto yours again and you could taste the salty tears that were pouring down your cheeks, but you didn’t care. He was holding you and he was kissing you and it was even more perfect than you thought it’d be.

“You’re adorable when you ramble, but Jesus Christ, shuddup, doll.” He breathed. “Just tell me you love me. Tell me you love me just a fraction of how much I love you.”

You looked up into those ocean eyes, your own shining with earnest affection. “James Buchanan Barnes. I love you.”

“That’s all I need to know.” He murmured against your lips, holding your head against his, still wiping away your tears. It felt like with each one that fell, you felt lighter and lighter. Like they were taking away every fear and anxiety you held within you for the past six months.

“Alright! I was thinking we could just set up in these trees out here - holy shit! Is it done? Did you do it? Did I miss it? Has the conversation been had?”

Bucky chuckled as you giggled. “He has the worst timing.” The last two words were loud enough so Sam could hear, although the man heard the whole sentence. 

“I’m gonna take that as a yes!” Sam cheered. “Halle-fucking-lujah! Finally! I was that close to locking you two in the attic.”

You shook your head at Sam’s personal celebration, drowning the rest of his words out as you looked at Bucky, who swept his thumb over your cheek catching one last tear, before pecking your lips.

“I finally get to kiss where I really want to.” He spoke softly, kissing your lips again. “Are you mine, doll?”

“I thought you said I’d always be your doll.” You answered cheekily. He grinned, kissing you again, pulling you against him by the hips.

“Okay, okay! That’s enough! We get it! You’re in love, finally, but I don’t wanna see it anymore! Now will you come help me with this shit?”

Bucky left one more lingering kiss on your lips, before you pushed him away reluctantly. “I’ll be right out.”

He nodded, moving over to help Sam carry the things he’d gathered.

You watched them put it all up from the window, gnawing on your cheek as you spun your phone in your hands. Coming to a decision, you tossed your phone in the duffle bag and walked out with it just as the boys finished.

“That was a quick phone call.” Sam raised an eyebrow.

You shrugged. “Didn’t call them. If they really need me, they’ll find me.”

Bucky grinned as you set the bag down under a tree, pecking your lips when you got close enough for him to grab by the waist to hold you against him. You rolled your eyes, shoving him playfully away and giggling as Sam let out a groan.

“Alright. Let’s see what you’ve got, Sammy.”

~

><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

Bucky knew he needed the tough love talk Sam was giving him. He needed to hear it. Because, deep down, he had known it all along, he just refused to believe it. He tried doing it. Making amends. He knew he wasn’t though. And of course he knew immediately who that one person would be.

“And hey.” Bucky looked at him. “Let me tell you what. Telling my girl all that you told her? That’s a good start. I’m proud of you. Both of you. You’re already happier. I can see it in your eyes.”

Bucky chuckled, shaking his head as he thought of the gorgeous woman he nearly let slip through his fingers. He looked over to the house, where she was inside somewhere getting ready after suddenly deciding she needed to shower before they left. “I was stupid.”

“Yeah you were. You both were. I’m so relieved it’s over.” Sam nudged him. “Treat her right, Buck. She deserves it.”

“I know…I just hope I can.”

Sam shook his head. “Uh-uh. Don’t do that. You were just starting to use that cyborg brain of yours! She chose you. And before you say anything,” Sam cut Bucky off from speaking as he opened his mouth to object. “She chose you before Steve left. It just took her dumbass this long to realize it.”

Bucky nodded, a small smile on his face. “Yeah…okay…” Before he could say anything, the goddess herself stepped out, jogging over, looking absolutely amazing in her jeans and his t-shirt. “Good talk.”

Sam laughed at his quick ending of the conversation as she came up besides them. “Talking about me?” She asked cheekily, eyes shining. Bucky couldn’t help but take her under his arm, pecking her lips. Now that he could, he didn’t think he could stop. He was addicted to say the least.

Throwing Bucky a wink, Sam shrugged. “Just all the things that get on our nerves.”

“Ha ha.” She rolled her eyes. “We better get going.”

Bucky and Sam clapped hands. “You know Karli won’t quit.”

Bucky smiled. “Ah. You call us when you have a lead and we’ll be there.”

Y/N stepped forwards to give Sam a hug. “Anytime, Sammy.”

“Eh. Anytime between noon and midnight.” Bucky corrected. “Or noon and ten. Noon and five…you better just call at noon to be safe.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Sure, sure.”

“Not necessarily as a team.” Bucky continued, grabbing the bag, getting Y/N back in her spot at his side under his arm.

“Nope!”

“We’re not that good.”

“Definitely not.”

“We’re professionals.”

“Definitely.”

“And, uh, we’re partners.”

Sam snapped, pointing at him. “Coworkers.”

“But we’re also a couple of guys with a couple mutual friends.”

“Ones now gone and you’re dating the other.”

“So we’re a couple of guys…with a badass to help out.”

“I can live with that.”

“Perfect.”

“Oh my God.” Y/N let out that laugh Bucky could never get enough of, shaking her head at the two of them. “You forgot dumbasses.”

Sam shook his head. “Nuh-uh. That’s your couple name.”

“Dumbasses?”

“Oh yeah.” The three of them came to a stop, Bucky and his girl - God he loved confirming it now - facing Sam. “Thanks for the help, guys. Meant a lot.”

Bucky patted his shoulder. “Of course.”

Y/N shot him a wink. “Until we meet again, Sammy.”

“Until then, cher.”

Bucky couldn’t stop his grin as she wrapped her arms around his waist, the two of them starting to walk to the main road where she already ordered an Uber. He looked down at her, kissing her lips for the nth time in the past hour.

“I wish I didn’t wait so long,” he told her seriously. “But I’d wait a thousands more centuries if it meant I get to call you mine.”

She giggled, shaking her head. “You’re such a sap! But…” she moved up to kiss him and his heart stuttered. He knew he had a goofy grin on when she pulled back, but he couldn’t help it. Especially when she laughed again. “I have to agree with you on that, Buckaroo.”

[tricksters-captain]

Bucky Barnes imagines - Some Sunny Day Part 6

AN: And it all comes to an end....

Overall Summary: Before the Blip, you and Bucky were close. After you both returning and Tony’s funeral, you decided to go back to your home town to spend time with your family. When duty calls, you return.  

In this chapter: An attack in Manhattan brings the gang back together for their final fight against Karli. (Based on S1 EP6)

(PART 1) (PART 2) (PART 3) (PART 4) (PART 5)

Pairing(s): Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader, Sam Wilson x Platonic!Reader

Word Count: 3,897 

Warnings: Spoilers for episode 6, Violence, some strong language, fluff

“Hello?” You put the phone on speaker as you answered it. 

“I got a hit.” Sam informed you. You looked towards Bucky who had just put both your bags down by the couch. 

“What is it?” You asked. 

“Karli’s in New York. I think they’re gonna hit the GRC meeting.” 

“Makes sense.” Bucky tilted his head, pressing his lips into a thin line. 

“Right. We’ll suit up and meet you there?” You moved toward your bag to get your things. 

“With these new wings, I may even beat you.” You could practically hear Sam’s smirk through the phone. You hung up and immediately started to change. 

By the time you were kitted up and ready to go, the news had announced the GRC meeting had gone into a complete lockdown. 

“Guess Sam was right.” You switched off the tv and picked up your final knife. 

To get you down to the building quickly, you hijacked a motorbike. When you arrived there were swarms of news anchors and cops. 

You dismounted the bike and headed to the front of the crowds. 

“I’m almost there.” Sam’s voice came through on your coms. 

“What’s the plan?” Bucky asked as he walked beside you. 

“Karli’s gotta be close. Keep your eyes open.” Sam ordered. Your eyes began to search the surrounding areas. 

“Well, it could be anybody.” Bucky mumbled. He was right. Karli had a huge following, she didn’t even need to be here but you were praying she would be. 

“And by the way, I called in some backup.” Sam informed you both. 

Then, at that moment, a stranger approached the both of you. 

“Excuse me, sir. Are you supposed to be here?” The man asked before reaching to his face and removing the illusion mask. “It’s me.” Sharon was revealed underneath. 

“Sharon, what the hell are you doing here?” You asked, looking around to see if anyone had been watching. 

“Relax. No one’s looking for me here.” Sharon assured you both. 

“Is that Sharon?” Sam had recognised her voice over the coms.

“Unfortunately.” Bucky retorted. 

“Hey, Sam. I thought I’d get the band back together.” Sharon made herself known to him. 

“Thank you. You’re risking a lot coming here.” Sam thanked her. 

“I hear pardons aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.” Sharon tried making light of her being back whilst still being a fugitive. 

“Depends on the therapist.” Bucky proclaimed. You ignored the comment as you continued to survey the scene. 

“They’ll move on the building soon. Be ready.” Sam warned you as he grew closer. And he was right. Within the building, gas was let off which set off a panic. The building had to be evacuated. 

“(Y/n), Bucky, what’s going on on your end?” Sam had entered the building through the window where the hostages were being ushered towards the stairs. 

“Nothing. All quiet.” Bucky told Sam. 

“No one’s moving toward the building.” You added as you patrolled alongside Sharon and Bucky. 

“Karli’s not coming in. She’s trying to force everybody out.” Sam had realised Karli’s plan. You looked between Bucky and Sharon. Time for you to go in. yourselves. 

“You guys are gonna have to do something.” Sam’s voice came through as you entered the doors.  “Don’t let ’em out of the building.”

“Oops.” Sharon said after realising you just let out several people.

“There’s one of em.” Bucky pointed across the building to an impressively large guard. “I’ll get the evac.” 

“I’m with Bucky.” You followed Bucky towards the stairwell. 

As you were just around to reach the stairs, a woman came forward with a phone. 

“Mr. Barnes, it’s Karli.” She handed the phone over to Bucky. 

“I’ll go.” You let him take the call and continued to pursue the hostages. 

You reached the underground parking lot in time to see the hostages being loaded up into police trucks. 

You knew you couldn’t take on all the guards at once and you’d only cause a panic with the hostages, forcing them to run off in different directions and you weren’t even sure which guards were Karli’s and which were the GRCs. 

You clocked the large guard from before that Sharon was meant to have gone after. He was applying some sort of lock onto the back of the trucks. 

As the final guards climbed into the trucks, you took your shot. You silently ran up behind the large man and forced yourself up onto his back, your hands grabbing onto the guards face. He cried out as he threw you off but the connection was just enough to use your powers. 

You fell to the floor, his memories tunnelling through your head like a bullet. He sent his boot into your stomach several times before leaving you. The trucks had already driven away and you remained on the floor so he didn’t bother with killing you. 

You searched his memories for Karli’s plan. 

“Sam.” You wheezed. “I know what Karli is planning to do.” 

“What? How?” Sam responded through your ear piece, sounding concerned. 

“She used her powers.” Sharon piped up. You looked around the garage to see her hiding behind a large concrete pillar with her eyes on the guard. 

“I’m sending you the coordinates for their rendezvous now.” You typed over the coordinates on your arm pad. 

Bucky finally made it down to you and helped you from the floor. 

“You can’t fight anymore. You gotta sit this one out.” Bucky told you as the look of exhaustion was obvious on your face. 

“Shut up and get moving.” You weren’t having any of it. You moved towards the bikes and Bucky climbed on in front. 

You pulled out a small syringe from the inside of your jacket and Bucky cocked an eyebrow at it. 

“In case of emergencies, right?” You stabbed the syringe into your thigh and injected the serum. It was a serum that Bruce Banner had worked on with you for these dire times. It gave you enough energy after using your powers to allow you to fight again. There were only a handful of them and the come down afterwards was worse than anything you had experienced but it kept you in the game when you needed it most. 

Bucky set off on route to the hostages. 

You gripped onto him tightly as he sped through the alleys and roads. 

“You better speed things up, Sam. The choppers about to take off.” You heard Sharon warn Sam. 

“Bucky?” Sam called out through the coms.

“I don’t fly, man. That’s your thing.” Bucky wasn’t going to be any help now that he was almost at the rendezvous point anyway.

You spotted the trucks up ahead along with large concrete road blocks. 

“Drop me here.” You told Bucky as you were far enough away for them to not have seen you yet. Bucky did as he was told before speeding off ahead. 

You ran down the sidewalk to keep yourself hidden. The flag smashers should be too busy dealing with Bucky to realise you were going after the trucks. 

You reached one of the trucks only to find it the locks were impenetrable. It then didn’t take long for one of the super soldiers to find you. You ducked as she sent her fist towards you. You pulled out your knives, one in each hand, and began to attack. 

Suddenly, a fire rose beside the truck. 

“Bucky!” You shouted out as you fought. You knew only he could open those doors with his strength and his arm. 

The soldier managed to get a grip on your shoulder and tossed you across the street like a pillow. You groaned as your body collided with the concrete. 

“Morgenthau!” You recognised the voice as it cried out Karli’s name. It was Walker. 

You pushed yourself to your feet and ran back over to the fight. Bucky was desperately trying to open the doors to the truck and John had started to attack Karli. 

You lunged forward as John hit the floor, surrounded by the soldiers. 

One broke away to fight you. 

You growled and grunted as you brought forth all the power you had in you to fight the soldier. 

Bucky had saved the hostages inside the burning truck and had come through to help John also. 

You grew distracted when you witnessed Bucky falling into the building site. 

The soldier took advantages of your loss of focus and managed to put you to the floor with a solid punch to the side of your head. 

You vision went spotted and blurred and your head pounded as you lulled on the ground. You were unsure of how long you were lying there when you felt someone take your arm and drag you along the concrete towards one of the trucks. 

Karli pulled the drivers door open and shoved you into the passenger seat before climbing in herself. She reached across you and crushed the handle so you couldn’t get out. 

Your vision began to clear just as Karli threw herself from the vehicle. 

The truck crashed through the gates and down onto the scaffolding. You clung onto the seat as you leant back to stop the truck from moving any further forward. 

“Stay calm!” You snapped at the screaming hostages but the truth was you weren’t feeling calm yourself.

You could see Bucky beneath you.

 It was one high drop. 

You wouldn’t survive this fall. Not sitting in the front. Not at this height with the weight of this machinery. 

“Fuck.” You cussed under your breath as your heart thudded against your chest. Bucky could see you inside and he felt his whole body tremble. 

You locked your eyes with his. You didn’t want to go. You only just got him back. 

Suddenly, the truck shifted again but this time it was being dragged backwards. You glanced to the side view mirror to see John trying to save you. 

You couldn’t help but gasp when the flag smashers tore him away from the truck. They all tumbled down to the pit. You squeezed your eyes shut as the truck rolled forward again. 

You were thrown forward onto the glass of the windshield when the truck abruptly stopped.

You opened your eyes to see that Sam had finally made it. 

“Cutting it a little close, aren’t we?” You let out a shaky laugh as relief washed over you. 

 Sam managed to get the truck up safely. You escaped through the drivers door and embraced him. 

“Looking good.” You smiled at the suit. Sam only winked before taking you down to Karli. 

He threw the shield, hitting each flag smasher as he put you down. 

“You of all people bought into that bullshit?” Karli looked beyond betrayed at Sam’s new look. 

 “I’m trying something different. Maybe you should do the same.” Sam retorted. 

Just as you went to step forward, smoke bombs were sent down on top of you. It gave Karli the chance to get away. 

Fortunately, Sam could use his goggles to track them. 

“Hey, Sharon. We’re underground. We entered the tunnel on William. Heading south.” Sam informed Sharon on your position as you all made your way through the tunnel. “Looks like they split up. Here.” Sam stopped at an intersection. 

John took off without a word. Bucky looked back at you and Sam. 

“I got it.” He sighed before following. 

“I’ll head this way. Don’t hesitate to call if you need me.” You broke off in the opposite way to Bucky and John whilst Sam went up ahead.  You kept your guard up as you silently made your way around the place. It was like a maze and you had kept running into dead ends. 

You cussed as you wished you had the app for the flag smashers in order to receive any news. It was the only way them and you would know the new meet up point. 

“(Y/n), we found Karli’s team.” Bucky sent you the location. You hesitated to follow as a bad feeling began to seep into you. “(Y/n)?” Bucky questioned if you could hear him.

“On my way.” You replied, ultimately deciding to join back with Bucky, ignoring your instinct.

When you reached Bucky and Walker, the soldiers had been apprehended. 

“Good job, boys.” You congratulated them. “Sam? Any news?” You asked over the coms. 

“I’ve got Karli. She didn’t make it.” Sam’s news made your stomach drop.

Karli didn’t make it. She didn’t make it.

“Hey, come here.” Bucky pulled you into his chest after he saw your face drain of colour. All that was playing through your head was the girl’s memories of Karli. Karli playing with the children, her smile, her laughter, her passion. 

You forced them from your mind as you made your way to the surface. Ambulances, cop cars and the press had all moved location from the GRC meeting to there. 

Your eyes followed everyone’s gaze as Sam came into view. 

He flew down to the ground with Karli’s body in his arms. 

You felt Bucky slide his fingers down your wrist and take your hand, squeezing it tightly. 

When Sam’s feet touched the ground he was ambushed with questions from reporters. He approached the senators without answering any of them. 

He was thanked by them before he asked about the relocating plans.

“Our peacekeeping troops will begin relocating people soon.” He was told. 

“The terrorists only set us back a bit––”

“––Stop calling them terrorists.” Sam interrupted

“What else would we call them?” They questioned. 

“Your peacekeeping troops carrying weapons are forcing millions of people into settlements around the world, right? What do you think those people are gonna call you? These labels, “terrorists,” “refugee,” “thug,” they’re often used to get around the question, why?” Sam started,

“Those settlements that happened five years ago, do you think it is fair for governments to have to support them?” They argued against him. 

“Yes.” Sam spoke honestly. 

"And the people who reappeared only to find someone else living in their family home, they just end up homeless? Look, I get it. But you have no idea how complicated this situation is.” They tried to put Sam down but Sam wasn���t walking away. 

“You know what? You’re right. And that’s a good thing. We finally have a common struggle now. Think about that. For once, all the people who’ve been begging, and I mean, literally begging for you to feel how hard any given day is… Now you know. How did it feel to be helpless? Now if you could remember what it was like to be helpless and face a force so powerful it could erase half the planet, you would know that you’re about to have the exact same impact. This isn’t about easy decisions, Senator.”

“You don’t understand.” They grumbled. 

“I’m a Black man carrying the stars and stripes. What don’t I understand? Every time I pick this thing up, I know there are millions of people who are gonna hate me for it. Even now, here… I feel it. The stares, the judgment. And there’s nothin’ I can do to change it. Yet, I’m still here. No super serum, no blond hair, or blue eyes. The only power I have is that I believe we can do better. We can’t demand that people step up if we don’t meet them halfway. Look, you control the banks. Shit, you can move borders! You can knock down a forest with an email, you can feed a million people with a phone call. But the question is, who’s in the room when you make those decisions? Hmm? Is it the people you’re gonna impact? Or is it just more people like you?” Sam paused. “I mean, this girl died trying to stop you, and no one has stopped for one second to ask why. You’ve gotta do better, Senator. You’ve gotta step up. Because if you don’t, the next Karli will. And you don’t wanna see 2.0. People believed in her cause so much that they helped her defy the strongest governments in the world. Why do you think that is? Look, you people have just as much power as an insane god or a misguided teenager. The question you have to ask yourself is, ‘How are you going to use it’?” 

You smiled widely at Sam as he finished, walking away. He really was Captain America. 

“Sorry, I was, uh, I was texting and so, all I heard was, um, a Black guy in stars and stripes.” Bucky teased the man as he approached you. 

You wrapped your arm around Sam, half embracing him as Bucky patted him on the back. 

“Nice job, Cap.” Bucky smiled. 

“Thanks.” Sam took the compliment. 

“Sharon?” You smile dropped when you spotted Sharon trying to perform her own medical procedures beside a car. 

“Your blocking my light.” Sharon hissed as she fiddled with her wounds. 

“We gotta get you to a hospital.” Sam frowned at the state of her. 

“She’s not gonna listen.” Bucky stated flatly. 

“It’s not the worst thing that’s happened to me all week.” Sharon admitted, avoiding the mention of the hospital. 

“Told you.” Bucky quipped. 

“Uh, Cap?” A man came forward, interrupting for a moment. 

“I think he’s talking to you.” Sharon turned her face away to not risk getting recognised.  “Look, I’m sorry for how things ended down there. For what it’s worth, suit looks good on you.”

“Thanks.” Sam chuckled. 

“All right, look, can we get out of here, please?” Bucky ushered Sharon to move. 

“I didn’t forget my promise.” Sam turned to remind Sharon of his promise to get her a pardon before he left. 

You decided to take Sharon back to the apartment and fix her up there. You had enough supplies and the experience to do an adequate job of it. 

“What now? Back to Madripoor?” You asked Sharon as you cup open her top. 

“Seems like it.” She winced as she spoke.

“Sam will get you that pardon. You might as well stick around.” Bucky returned to your side with a bowl of water and a cloth. 

You worked in silence for a few minutes before Sharon realised something. She had been watching Bucky watch you. 

“You finally slept together, didn’t you?” Sharon smirked as it hit her. 

“Oh my god.” You groaned, rolling your head back. 

“I mean I knew something was different...” Sharon’s smart mouth was quickly shut as you pressed into her wound.

“I’ll get us something to drink.” Bucky excused himself as he felt a blush creep up his neck.

“Bout time.” Sharon murmured but it was the last she mentioned it after the glare you shot her. 

Sharon didn’t stick around after you stitched her up. You understood why but you were still hesitant to let her leave. 

As she did, you started to really feel the come down effects of the serum. 

“Hey. Hey.” Bucky caught you as you began to sway on your feet. He sat you down on his coach and placed his hand on your head. “You’re burning up.”

“It’s the serum.” You reminded him. It had been a long time since you used it last. 

Sweat covered down your forehead and soaked your clothes. Your body ached, it felt like it was on fire, and your head was hammering.

Bucky helped you remove your clothes before wrapping a thin blanket around you. He fetched a cloth to rest on your forehead as you laid back. 

His face twisted into a grimace as you began to scream and whine, writhing in front of him. 

And there was nothing he could do but watch.

The pain of the serum leaving your body was excruciating. Bucky brought over the bin as you had flimsily pointed to it. You curled over the side of the couch and threw up. 

Bucky brushed your hair away from your face with his hand and held it behind your head. 

“I forget how bad this got.” Bucky confessed as you choked.

The rest of the night was spent like that until you eventually fell asleep against Bucky’s bare chests whilst he held you. The coldness of his metal arm was refreshing against your burning skin. 

In the morning, you woke to the news that the captured super soldiers had been blown up on their way to the raft. 

It was announced there were no suspects but both you and Bucky knew exactly who was responsible. 

Zemo. 

“There’s somethings I gotta do today.” Bucky told you as he brushed his lips against your hair. 

“You want me to come with you?” You asked. You were weak but you were better after suffering through the night. 

“No. It’s something I gotta do it on my own.” Bucky intertwined his fingers with yours as you rested against him. 

“Okay.” You nodded. “But I’m here if you need me.” 

“I know.” Bucky kissed the back of your hand before pushing himself off the couch. “Now let’s get you in the shower because you stink.” 

You laughed as Bucky helped you up.

Bucky told you in the bathroom about his neighbour. He offered for you to see the memories you had missed since you last used your powers on him but you didn’t want to be informed on every thought/memory he had during the time you were away.

He told you what his plans were. It had been a long time since he had been this open. 

You spent the rest of the morning cleaning yourself and then the apartment. Bucky helped before you finally encouraged him to get on with his day. 

He didn’t return until late. 

He walked through the door and you could see his hands were shaking still. 

You didn’t say anything. You just hugged him. 

The days went by and soon enough you were being called by Sam again. 

He had invited you for a little celebration down at the dock. So, you travelled back down to Louisiana and back into Sam’s home town. 

The children instantly went for Bucky as you both arrived. You laughed as he chased after them with a cake in his hands. 

“Where is everybody?” Bucky asked them. 

Sam and Sarah embraced the both of you warmly and an overwhelming sense of love flooded around you. 

Pictures were being taken with Sam, the food was amazing, the beer was cold and it was a beautiful evening. 

You were stood against one of the wooden pillars, watching Bucky speak with Sarah, a couple kids dangling on his arm. You smiled and took a swig from your bottle.

“Don’t get soppy on me now.” Sam joined you, sipping on his own beer.

“Me? Soppy?” You scoffed, shaking your head. 

Sam rolled his eyes as he draped his arm over your shoulders. You leant into his embrace. 

“I visited the memorial for Isaiah in the museum.” You confessed.  

“Yeah?” Sam cocked his eyebrow at you with a smile. 

“It’s a great thing you’ve done for that man.” You praised him. “I’m proud of you, Captain America.” 

Sam clutched his heart with his hand dramatically. 

“My god!” He proclaimed. 

“Shut up.” You nudged him with your hip. You both laughed before making your way down the dock to watch the sunset. 

Bucky joined you. 

It felt good to be there. It felt like home. 

AN: To be continued?? I’ll probably leave this fic here for now but I may continue it on in the future.

Bucky Barnes Tag List

@florencxs @mystictimetravelcolor @yourphotographyteen16@shannon-posts@darkbluenovember @sexwithhiddlesbatch@thefandomimagines @mydarkness-itsnotmyfriend @sad-huffle-nerd @glitchingghosts @themaddies-obx @avenging-parker@delilahsdaydream @felicityofbakerstreet @purplewcrld @opheliaaaa @avisexe @lindseyrae20 @thanossexual @smolanxiousdeku @soccer-100000 @peachyxlynch​ @mads-weasley @zozebo @so-very-asleep @sebby-staan @missroro @bibliophilewednesday @ysywyw626 @serrendipiity

[lambourngb]

day 6: lesser known creators and creations- the hidden gems of fandom

Belated for @roswellnewmexicocreate [last few days have been challenging!]

New creators are the lifeblood of fandom, because not everyone stays in fandom or stays inspired to write for it. While there are times I just want to re-read a classic, there really is something fun about clicking on a new name to see what they think of our beloved alien show.

We have very long hiatuses, and sometimes people pull away until the show comes back, so I thought I would also highlight some lessor known creations as well from our last hiatus. As we are blessed in the malex side of fandom, there’s a small but mighty group of fans and creators, churning out new works every day, so maybe you might have missed these works.

***

calamitous by @bubblesyoh (3,962) - Two times they apologize to each other and three times they are so in love they can't even fool one another. 

why i like it: most of us know bubblesyoh as being a supportive friend, reblogging and commenting so prolifically- but they are also an author! Malex have without a doubt hurt one another in canon, and there is an art to writing a good apology fic and this story does it well.

***

kill me tonight, darling by u1ltsa (4.867)-Alex and Michael have a memorable first meeting at a party. They keep running into each other and can't seem to get enough of one another.

why i like it: It’s a human AU where over the course of months, these two keep running into each other. Michael is so smitten in this story and can’t help chasing Alex and how Alex makes him feel. It’s sexy and kinky and ends happily ever after. My favorite meeting is still the bar scene that ends up at a hotel- wow.

***

next time will be the last time by kit alridge (1,715) "It's not how it's going to happen, next time. Because next time will be the last time we do the falling-back-together thing." After a close shave, Alex and Michael come close to falling back into old patterns, but have a much-needed conversation instead.

why i like it: I’m so weak for the “we survived let’s fuck to celebrate” trope, and this story explores what it means for Malex to fall into it, and how closely it mirrors some of their past, unhealthy behaviors. Anyway this hits all the notes that I pray we get in the second half of season 3, where these two finally talk and admit what they want. 

***

tell me what you’ll do, please by @entropychanges (3,054) So, Michael, dripping like a wet mop on the restaurant’s tile floor, stood silently as he looked between the sister of the girl whose murder he covered up only two months ago, and his lover who would rather be sent off to war than be with him. Great. He swallowed, figuring he may as well break the silence.“Sorry, I wasn’t sure if-”“The kitchen is closed,” Liz interrupted, looking him up and down before saying, “but you can stay until the storm lets up.” Or, in which Michael gets caught out in the rain while sleeping in his truck, and ends up taking shelter in the last place he wants to be.

why i like it: Sometimes I like to cry about Michael, especially Michael at 17-18, after the shed. This story serves up all the angst of what his life looked like then, along with the grief that Liz was living in and the grim determination that Alex had about his own fate. They were all such babies and they were in such pain, and ugh that breaks my heart.

***

I’ll take care of you by @cosmiceverafter (2,055)  When Alex stops by Michael's airstream to confess how he's feeling, he ends up taking care of the alien he loves so much instead. 

why i like it: classic hurt-comfort here, which I always eat up with a spoon. Highlights for me in this story was Michael was hurt working on a project from a natural disaster, and not anything self-inflicted, and then Alex finding that iconic picture of the two of them in the desert with guitars. Ooof so many feels!

***

look after you by @ravens-words  Everyone checks in on Kyle. 3x04 Coda

why i like it: well before we had it in 3x06, EJ delivered the whole found-family feels of everyone coming together to make sure Kyle is okay. As they should. Kyle holds the only brain cell. EJ has been a coda-writing machine since returning to RNM with the show, so definitely check out the whole collection for season 3, and not just the chapter I linked to because they are all so good.

***

honey, i’m going to love you all my life by wwwjudedotcom (3,729) Alex leaves Michael a voicemail after he loses his leg because he doesn't want to die without telling Michael that he loves him. 

why i like it: this part of a great little series of fics surrounding prompts about ‘ways to say i love you’ - I’ve probably imagined Alex’s life post-injury in Iraq a million times, I so badly want to know if he dared to call Michael, did he call out for him in his morphine daze, is that how Greg knew about Michael? And I’m unsure if the show will ever answer this question, so it’s up to fanfic writers. Anyway, I love this little AU that lets Maria know just how important Michael is to Alex right from the start and where Isobel sends them to be with Alex in Germany. Ugh what a sweet thought (probably too sweet for the angst machine that is RNM).

[btsficsforthehumble]

adj.: 1. Modern, unfamiliar, or different

2. Not based on or conforming to what is generally done or believed

pairing: reader x ot7

genre: college au; angst, fluff, smut, poly, ot7

Summary: You begin your first year at a prestigious university, set out on achieving your academic goals when a series of men step into your life that change the way you view the definition of love.

A/N: Thank you to the glorious minjoonalist for this banner! Everyone give her some love <3

Part One

Warnings: none in this chapter

Word count: 2k

It’s your first day.

First day entering the world of higher education, on the path to betterment (or whatever the dean said in his boring introductory presentation). To tell the truth, you were pretty zoned out as various speakers talked to the thousands of students that would now become your peers. Those hard ass plastic seats were NOT conducive for attentive listening.

Regardless, you pushed through, and here you are, Monday morning, at 8:45 sharp, sitting in yet another hard ass plastic seat. This time however, you had a small wooden desk in front of you, in line with about a couple dozen others. This was your first class --- Calculus.

You were always good at math compared to the average student, however, being placed with the super smart kids all the time made you self conscience and at worst, made you feel stupid. You were too good at math for the standard curriculum, but felt too dumb for the advanced one. It’s no surprise that math quickly became your least favorite subject.

That hadn’t changed. You were dreading this class, even though you took calculus already in high school --- theoretically, it shouldn’t be that difficult. You knew however, that you had absolutely no willpower when it came to studying math. And considering the fact that you are now attending a prestigious university, one known for their STEM programs, you felt adequately nervous.

You glanced around the classroom, baron except for the desks and the large whiteboard covering the expanse of the front wall. A few other students showed up early as well, mostly looking either as nervous as you felt, or tired like they had just enjoyed their first weekend at college perhaps a little too much.

You yourself hadn’t gone too crazy, going to a single party on Saturday where you only had one drink --- lame even by your own standards. However, you were just getting to know your roommates, and felt it best to remain sober enough to keep an eye out on them or manage any situation this new environment would throw you.

You weren’t close with any of your peers from your high school that also attended your university, and it seemed your roommates were in the same boat. So, naturally, you all decided to go out together as new friends. They all seemed to be nice, and you got along well with everyone so far. You hoped that wouldn’t change.

You sigh gently to yourself while reflecting upon your less than thrilling weekend. You hope that one day you’d let yourself experience the wild college parties that you've heard about. You want to know what it felt like to get properly drunk and dance with a cute stranger without any worries in the back of your head.

Speaking of cute strangers, you take a glance around the classroom, steadily filling up with students. You might as well see if there were any hotties in the class that you knew you’d rather daydream about than pay attention to exponent integrations.

You spotted a boy sitting a ways away from you that caught your attention. His legs were stretched out in front of his desk, in a way that screamed “I don’t care if you trip over me, in fact, I dare you.”

His attention was glued to his phone, as he appeared to be taking snapchats --- probably for some obnoxiously beautiful girls, you thought to yourself, eyes rolling slightly. You had to admit though, he was quite attractive. He had dark brown hair, covering his forehead and slightly swept to the side. His eyes were a dark brown to match, and were quite cute. He had a nice nose and clear skin. His most striking feature was his lips however. He had lips that were larger than the average guy and they looked very kissable. And his frame was decently large, his shoulders wide and masculine, juxtaposing his cute eyes and lips.

You blushed at your own thoughts about the stranger across the room, knowing you were getting entirely carried away in your state of boredom. You still had five minutes until class was supposed to begin. You put away your own phone, which you were holding in your hands as some sort of social protection, in your backpack. You then pulled out your fresh new binder with graph paper, lined paper, tabs, dividers, the whole nine yards. You may not enjoy math, but organization always brought you some level of mental tranquility.

You pull out a pen just as you glance up to see a boy standing in front of you, with the brightest, thousand watt smile on his face. His backpack was slung over one shoulder, his hand in his jeans pocket. He had on a loose tee-shirt that somehow flattered his slim frame. You could tell that he wasn’t a meek first year still finding his bearings. He must be at least a second year. You feel your face heat up as you make eye contact, seeing that he’s looking directly at you.

“Hi there! Is this seat taken?” His eyes widen almost comically as he points to the seat directly in front of you.

“Ah no, no it’s empty.” You cringe internally as you notice your less than relaxed delivery.

He gives you another dazzling smile as he plops in the seat in front of you, pulling out his own simple notebook and pencil.

You rub your forehead trying to get yourself to calm down. You need to not turn red every time a cute boy talks to you, let alone look in your direction. This is so not like you.

You manage to calm yourself down, ready to begin your first class so your attention is off the boy sitting in front of you.

Your professor must have walked in as you were mentally reprimanding yourself, because you hear an authoritative man's voice come from the front of the room when 9 o’clock hits. You immediately began trying to pay attention, writing down all of the information he put on the board even though it’s stuff already in the syllabus. The truth was that you simply needed to throw yourself into a task to keep your mind from straying back onto the boy in front of you.

About seven minutes later, the door to the classroom swings open and another boy walks through, giving the prof a quick salute and grin in apology. You, as well as the rest of the class, had naturally turned your eyes towards the distraction. As soon as it was found to just be a straggler, everyone’s attention quickly shifted back to the professor in front. Your curiosity was piqued by his confident, goofy nature, however.

You couldn’t help but keep your eyes on him a moment longer. He had shaggy dark hair, tanned skin, and a smile that was strikingly unique as it was a little bit of a square shape. He was devastatingly handsome, and you had a feeling he knew it too. Your hypothesis was instantly supported as he made eye contact with you, noticing you looking at him longer than your peers. He flashes a smirk your way that you’re pretty sure could knock anyone’s panties off.

You mentally start screaming and feel yourself turning the color of a freaking fire truck. You quickly jerk your head back down to your notes and refuse to look back up to meet his eyes.

It appears he wasn’t going to give you a break though. You felt the air woosh past you as he walks down your aisle and stops immediately behind you, taking the empty seat.

Great.

Now, you were sandwiched between two guys that you're pretty sure were the most attractive you’d seen in a long while. Not to mention the guy several rows over that you were ogling before they even arrived. You quickly realized that there wasn’t a chance in hell your full attention was going to be on the lecture during this class.

Your entire body sagged with relief when your fifty minute class was up and the professor released everyone. Noticing, the boy behind you leaned forward and huskily whispered, “You’re not a morning person either, huh?”

You froze for half a second at the sound of his voice. It was deep and silky, and my god was it sexy. And he was talking to you.

“You could say that.” You were shocked at his attention but somehow managed to pull out a response that didn’t make you look like an idiot. You didn’t bother turning around to look at him as you answered, deciding not to let him see how pink your cheeks were as you returned your items to your bag.

He let out a little chuckle and stood up.

“I’m Taehyung. And you, my little night owl, are?” He drew out the are waiting for your response.

You too stood up, putting your backpack on.

“I, Taehyung, am off to my next class.” You were annoyed that he seemed to take notice of your attention on him in the beginning of the class and thought that you were a fun little target to flirt with. You knew he wasn’t interested, but merely found it fun to take advantage of his good looks. This allowed you to get over your schoolgirl crush behavior and return to your normal self, which you knew had more of a bite than necessary at times. You had developed a tough edge at a young age and you think that it has protected you a lot already in your short life.

He raised an eyebrow at the sudden appearance of sass and gave you another grin. You simply rolled your eyes and turned on your heel to march yourself out of the classroom, joining the other students that were filtering out. By the time you had turned around, the cute guy with the smile that made your heart melt had already left. You were slightly disappointed to your own chagrin. Why on Earth are you paying attention to boys when you knew you had other priorities? It’s not like anything would come of it anyway.

Throughout high school, you steered away from boys in a romantic sense and they more than happily did the same. You knew you were intimidating, as you had a sharp mouth and quick wit. No one messed with you and you liked it that way. You had kept to yourself, and kept your grades high. You just didn’t have any interest in the boys you’ve known since you were a kid.

As you walked to your next class, you silently cursed yourself for not being cool and collected the entire period. Where was that icy exterior that you had curated for years? How did a simple smile from the boy in front of you turn you into a puddle? How did that annoyingly hot guy behind you manage to blindside you at first?

You nearly stopped in your tracks and groaned when you realized that you had that class every. single. day. It was five credits, so that meant Monday through Friday, you’d be there 9 in the morning, attempting to not think about the cute boys around you.

You were giddy deep, deep down that such cute guys were in your class but the more level headed side of you knew it was in vain. It’s not like they’d go for you or anything. And besides, they would only distract you from the class that you already knew was going to be a struggle.

You pinched your eyes shut when you slid into your seat in your next class.

You had a feeling it was going to be a long semester.

[queenoftheworldisdead]

Homecoming

Chapter 3

Summery: Slow burn. You are forced to move back to your home town due to the pandemic. When your high school tormentors return to remind you why you never wanted to come back. This gets darker as it goes. I’m not a good writer folks sorry.

Warning: assault, Kissing,  flash back warning: under age drink, mentions of sexual assault. tried to be very vague and not graphic.

Dark Steve x Black Reader, Dark Bucky x Black Reader Cop AU

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5

The drive back home was mostly silent and you were thankful for it. The off duty officer blew through lights and stops signs with ease. Laughing at you whenever you gasped at the yellow light as he mashed the gas to beat the red. With Steve behind the wheel time seemed to drag, with Bucky you were more concerned with making it home in one piece. When you saw your uncle's house finally approach in the distance you started to breathe easier.

Bucky slowed to a crawl, parking in-front while you unbuckled and turn to face the door for a quick escape.

*Click

The locks on the door snapped down the instant you touched the handle.

"Hold up."

Your back stayed facing him as you waited for whatever was to come.

"I'm not going to touch you" his words did not calm you. "You know I haven't seen him this happy in a long time."

It felt like every hair stood up one by one along your arms. This tone was too calm, if you didn't know him maybe you would've thought nothing of it.

"Why did you run?"

You swallowed thickly as you try and think of ways as to not raise his ire.

"He was so crushed when you left"

Of course. He didn't care what they did to you or how you felt. As if he hadn't been there, been apart of it all. As if what he put you through was OK.

"Does it matter anymore?" You felt so drained and you wondered if he could see the defeat in your eyes when you turned to look at him.

And really did it matter? You already felt trapped. With no money there was no hope.

His eyes were wet, but nothing fell from them, it looked like he was holding back a hurt that laid just below the surface. When his hand lifted to cradle your face you stiffened, but didn't pull away. Bucky's callus hand gently felt along your cheek then settled on the back of your neck.

The scenery blurred when he brought your head crashing down on to the dashboard. Throbbing and ringing marinated with this new pain that radiated through your head.

"We had to pickup the pieces of his heart when you skipped town. You broke him Roast. Took him along time to deal with how you left." he growled as he ground your face into the dashboard.

"Bucky! Bucky! Please I'm sorry!" The taste of copper filled your mouth as you screamed. Your lip was busted open and the bridge of your nose felt bruised, you worried it was broken the way it hurt. Every effort to push of the dash was met with heavy resistance by Bucky.

"I'd hate to see him get hurt again Roast." He paused before raising you.

"I'm home... I.. I-I won't run again. Please" You trembled and shook in his grasp while tears streamed down your cheek.

Before you could focus he crashed into yours. The sting from the impact had you hissing on his mouth. With the opening his tongue invaded, swirling around the blood from your lip. Your hands froze in the air, stopping yourself from trying to push him away.

Bucky's other hand began roaming the front of your sweater. You felt your body grow hotter as he touched you. Squeezing and palming your breast through your clothes, if someone were to pass by they would've thought you two were nothing more than an over eager couple.

When he bit your lip you hissed at the pain as more blood trickled down your chin. He trailed bloody kisses down to your neck, his lips sending teasing jolts of electricity throughout your body. You felt his lips start to suck hard on the nape of your neck, the suction from which drew out a soft moan as he moved down further.

"Bucky please...He won't like this" your words stopping him from marking you with a love bite.

Steve loved Bucky like a brother, but he was not fond of his pal playing with his toys without him. Maybe it was due to the fact that Bucky had a tendency to play a little too rough from your experience. Pulling back you notice your blood smeared against his lips. Keeping his hold on you he assess the damage that he's done.

"Shit..." Tilting your head around as he examines you. "Put some ice on"

When he released you shook your head in reply. Unlocking the doors Bucky finally allowed you to leave.

When you walked up to the front door you thought of how to hide your very bruised face. Taking out your key you open the door and then rush to put your hand on your forehead. Looking down you greet your uncle then high tail it to your room.

You here him call out, but you ignore him. Once inside you crumbled against the closed wooden door.

Past: Month before the incident

"Hey" Peggy calls out to you as she catches up in the hall.

"Hey stranger" you jab at your bestie. You were surprised to not see her hanging off Steve's arm.

"I know I've been super flaky lately."

"Might start calling you Kellogg...." You paused for comic relief. "Because of the cereal...like Kellogg Frosted Flakes.. they’re Great!"

"Bad joke" she deadpanned "...anyways. You, me, Steve, James movies tonight!" She was almost giddy at the idea.

"For one I don't even know James. I'm assuming its that guy that's always around Steve? And isn't he dating Wanda, that cheerleader?"

"They broke up like a while a go.... So he is single and super nice. Second it was Steve's idea, so how could he hate you if that was the case? Huh?"

"Why cant 'we' hang out together? Steve is so annoying. He is always fucking with me. I swear he hates me."

You didn't have a problem with Steve, but he seemed to have a problem with you. Anytime you made plans to hang with Peggy she came up with an excuse the last minute. At first you thought that he wanted you out of the picture so that he could have Peggy all to himself, so you bowed out. But it felt like the more space you gave the more annoying he got. So being around Steve willingly didn't seem appetizing.

🍿

You don't know how she convinced you to do this. No wait of course you do. You missed Peggy so much, but you half expected her to cancel and flake on you like she normally did.

When you two arrived the guys were waiting outside the building. As you both walk up the side walk to greet them Peggy formally introduces you.

His square jaw rivaled Steve's, when he smiled your heart fluttered a bit. You had to admit he was a handsome guy.

"Hi, I'm James, but everyone calls me Bucky. Nice to meet you." He introduced as you shyly smile back at him.

After the slightly awkward introductions everyone coupled up and headed into the theater. Finding seats the small group linking up boy, girl, boy, girl. You wanted to sit next to Peggy, but Steve pushed her down to the next seat over.

Through the upcoming trailers you noticed the odd kernel fly in your direction. That's when you knew Steve was up to his usual pranks. His massive arm taking up your arm rest, reaching in your eye-line to pass snacks between him and his buddy, ignoring you.

While Bucky was the perfect gentlemen, offering snacks, letting you take his arm rest. When you started to shiver from the cold he pulled you in, wrapping an arm around and stroking you. Even though you had a crush on someone else he was a welcome distraction.

🍿🍿

At the end of the movie Steve drove everyone home. You sat in the back with James while Peggy sat up front. James's arm outstretched on the back of the seat  as he chatted with you. If you didn't know any better, which you didn't, you would swear he was flirting with you.

You felt a weird sensation throughout the car ride. Looking up you saw Steve lock eyes with you on more than one occasion through the rear view. Shaking it off each time you try to focus on James, but he made it hard to concentrate. Dropping you home first you tell James to call you then wave bye to everyone as you walk up to your house.

🍿🍿🍿

The next day at school James sported a black eye and a bruised cheek. You tried to ask him what happened when you saw him in the hall, but he walked past ignoring you.

In class you asked Peggy if something happened when you left, but she too had no clue. Just explaining it away as some rough housing that must've happened after she got dropped home.

You noticed him a few more times throughout the day, but you stop completely when you saw him wrapped around Wanda. The beautiful cheerleader coddled his face examining the wounds. You weren't looking to start anything with James, but he made you want think otherwise. it was so odd that he would even go out with you if he was still with her and then completely ignore you. You also had the misfortune to see Steve watch you realize that fact. The smile on his face let you know this was all some sick prank he must've cooked up. Turning down the wrong hallway you rush away fuming and holding in tears of embarrassment.

Present

Early the next day you sat in front of the Pawnshop until the 'Open' sign turned on . Thinking now that maybe you should've taken the bus here instead of your Uncle's truck. But then the other half of you didn't want to be spotted at the outside waiting a the bus stop. As the light came on you hurried out of the truck and over to the shop door. When you entered Moscow's Pawn the bell chimed alerting the redhead to your presence.

The shop was filled with pawned goods like bikes, lawn mowers and a glass case full of guns behind the register. You were the first one in the shop, but you weren't sure for how long.

Before you left home you went into the garage and stole your uncles old tool box. The weight of the box wasn't heavier than the guilt you held from your thievery.

"Hello, I'm Nat! Welcome how can I help you today?" She greeted you as you approached.

"Um.. what can I get for these?" you lift the box, plopping it down on the counter.

"Are these yours or stolen?"

"They're mine. I mean they are my Uncles. But he gave me permission." You stuttered a bit at the accusation.

She cocked a brow at you, but didn't press. Taking the box from you and examining the contents, lifting each up one by one. Letting out a big sigh before she spoke. When she started looking too hard at your face you looked down at the floor. The bruises Bucky left you with were covered a bit with concealer and your mask so you were confident enough to push through with your plan. "I can give you a hundred for it all." She said while closing the box.

"I'll take it" you could tell she was low-balling you, but you didn't care. Those tools were worth more than that, but you didn't have time to haggle. This would be more than enough for a bus ticket out. Your uncle would be pissed for sure, but you would pay him back when you got back on your feet.

"OK well I need your ID to process it."

You started to panic and you could tell she knew something was off.

"Look its policy. I know you said it's your uncle's, but just encase its not... my ass is covered if he files a police report for stolen goods." The word 'police' had you more nervous than before.

"OK, OK." You dug in your purse and got out your ID. The redhead took it from you and entered in your information. You worried for a bit, but you knew your uncle would be the last person to call the cops for missing tools.

When she handed it back she also passed you the money. You bid her adieu and headed toward the door.

When your hand hit the handle your heart stopped. Through the bard glass door you saw a patrol car pass the shop. Holding your breath you watched it as it disappeared down the street.

Past: Week before the incident

"He is such a prude or super religious. You know we haven't even done it yet." Peggy said frustrated as she sat across from you at the small coffee shop. Steve was at an away game and without a car she found time to finally hang out with you.

"That's surprising seeing as how much you two go at it whenever I see you" you remarked while drinking your iced tea. Anytime you were stuck with the love birds they were nauseatingly affectionate.

"I know right. Gawd he gets me so riled up and then nothing. So frustrating... Any who I want to have a party at my house this weekend for my birthday."

You cocked a suspicious brow at her. Peggy had never been into school dances let alone parties, before Steve she was a book worm that enjoyed small simple quite nights in.

"Isn't your birthday next month?"

"Yes, but my folks are going out of town soooo..." She looked at you so innocently. Your heart always fluttered a bit when she did that.

"I want to, but ever since that movie thing Bucky acts weird whenever I try and speak to him while Steve has just gotten worse." It was true it was one thing to annoy you at school, but he was bringing your Uncle into the mix. Police were called to the house on several occasions. Telling your uncle there was a report of women's screams coming from the house, it took half an hour to convince them otherwise without incident. Then the prank calls started. The calls were at the same time every night and wouldn't stop until you turned off the phones. Not to mention you were getting tired of having to clean the shattered eggs and toilet paper that decorated the lawn.

"I spoke to Steve when you told me about what's been happening and he promised me that it wasn't him. He is such a sweetheart once you get to know him...Come on please...for me?" Peggy pleaded. You wanted to believe her, but your gut knew better.

"Since its your birthday I will make this one exception" She squealed at your answer. "But if he start anything I'm gone."

🎂

The house was already a disaster. You weren't sure who, how or when kegs were brought in, but red cups could be seen within every corner of the room. Everyone was very drunk and rowdy except for you.

You kept stuck around Peg as she clung to Steve. "Oh oh oh theres James" Peggy shouted over the music. She caught the handsome boys attention, screaming his name repeatedly from across the room, he made his way over and you felt instantly awkward.

Not knowing were to look as he approached you turn away only to find Peggy locking lips with Steve again.

"Sickening isn't it" James voice brushed your ear. Giving him your full attention you were surprised he was even talking to you.

"You have no idea. The only time I see her now a days is when she is attached to him." You joke, you hear him chuckle and you wonder if maybe he had a twin. This guy's vibe was way different than the Bucky that walked the halls of your school.

"Can I get you a drink? Believe me it makes the sight of it a lot easier" James did have a point, you were only young once. It was getting boring just watching the show.

Breaking from Peggy Steve interrupts "Where's Wanda?"

Welp that confirmed he was indeed the same guy that ignores your existence at school. Looking up at the sly dog you wait for him to confirm. Bucky shouted something to Steve over the music, but you couldn't tell what.

"You know what? A drink sounds like a good idea." You break from the small group and find a keg yourself.

The silver barrel was a strange contraption to you. With the red cup in your hand you try and figure out how to use it. Steve snatched your cup and placed it on your head like a party hat. " Really Steve!"

"Here let me" James takes the cup from your head and pours beer into the cup. Handing it back to you, you take it and take a big gulp. That was a mistake as the taste was horrid, coughing uncontrollable as they laugh at you.

🎂🎂

The buzz hit almost instantly. You were dancing to your own beat despite the music. Peggy even grabbed your hands and danced with you. She looked so beautiful tonight, your heart wanted to explode in your chest when she hugged you tightly, whispering and giggling in your ear. It took a bit of self control not to kiss her in the moment.  

Who knew alcohol could be so much fun.

The room started to swirl at some point.

Hands held on to you, steadying you against them as the room spun on.

"Bucky take care of her for me" a voice broke through your cloud. The music of the party had died down, things weren't as loud as before and you wondered what the time was. When you tried to look it was as if everything was underwater, blurry and fuzzy, moving giving you motion sickness.

You couldn't hear his reply, but you were sure Steve walked off with Peggy so they could have some fun. With an arm around your waist you were led away too. Bucky whispered something in your ear, but it felt off, his voice didn't sound right.

When you blinked you were on your back. The fabric of a comforter rubbed against your palms.

Blinking again you felt something heavy on you, but it was a struggle to focus still. The lights were on in the room, but you couldn't register the features of the person on top of you. Your head was so clouded, your limps too heavy to lift as you try and create a distance between you too.

"Buoockkky.."You felt as if your mouth was filled with cement, your words were a jumble as you try and talk. A figure lowered down and kissed you. Turning your head to the side was the only movement you could manage. The unwanted kissing didn't stop, moving your head back their tongue deepened within your mouth as you try to cry out in protest.

Blinking this time you weren't sure how long it took to get your eyes open. The air was much colder than you remembered sending a shiver throughout your body. Something licked on your chest and you yelp pathetically at the sensation.

"Mmm" you moaned as it sucked and kissed so tenderly at parts of you. It felt so good, your body just wanted to give into it all. Looking down you were sure you were seeing things as Bucky's hair looked just as wrong as his voice. "No..." You managed to get out, but when you repeated it it didn't sound the same.

The next blink welcomed you to an unfamiliar pain between your thighs. It shot up through your core and you wanted desperately to escape it. You tried to lift your legs and arms but it felt like you forgot how to move them.

"Thats.. it .." His voice panted through your subconscious. You felt like you were a rag doll when someone moved your legs around, spreading them open as you blacked out again.

"Oww.." You hissed out waking up to shooting pains. "Hurt.." Words still failing to be put together. Every syllable taking more and more energy from you.

"Shh.. shhh" the voice hushed you as the pain permeated through you.

There was something stretching you so much so that you whimpered at the fullness.

You heard a familiar voice pant your name, praising you, but it was so floaty you weren't sure if it were real. Your eyes fell shut again before you could register it all.

The world around you felt so warm and fuzzy. You tried opening your eyes again, but they were just too heavy. It didn't matter now as the gentle rocking of the room lulled you to sleep.    

🎂🎂🎂

The light coming from the window seemed to amplify the pounding in your head. You weren't sure when you got in bed with Peggy, but you were sure that if this was what it felt like to drink you would never do it again. The last thing you remember was dancing with her then everything went black.

When you moved your legs there was a shooting pain and soreness between your thighs and it felt as if you peed yourself. Patting the mattress you felt the reminisce of wetness, lifting your hand to your face you saw blood. Your period must've started in the middle of the night. Peggy would never let you live down bleeding on her bed that was for sure.

Present

When you leave this time you were going to stay gone, no matter what. Finding an apartment that didn't care about what name you put on the lease or sleep in a shelter if you had to. Just like before you would get a job that paid under the table maybe another waitress job somewhere along the way. It might take a while to get over the paranoia of him finding you and dragging you back. But eventually you could move on. Move to a better neighborhood find a better job and live free again.

The drive back from the Pawn shop had you a bit on edge by now you were sure that your uncle would be up and wondering about his truck. You had half a mind to go to the bus station now and just mail him his truck keys, but you didn't want to burn that bridge.

At every light, corner or stop sign you had an eye out for their patrol car as well. Pulling into your Uncle's driveway you park. It took a moment before you could move.  You didn’t want to find out if your uncle found his truck and tools gone just yet.

*Buzz Buzz

Grabbing your bag from the passenger seat you dig out your cell. Your fingers itched as you began unlocking your phone. Praying in your head that Steve had not been in the cop car you saw at the pawn shop. Praying that he wasn't going to punish you.

MSG Steve: Morning! MSG Steve:(...typing)

Chapter 4>>>>

[forasecondtherewedwon]

3 Simple Rules for Dating a Centenarian - ch. 2

Fandom: The Falcon and the Winter Soldier Pairing: Sam Wilson/Bucky Barnes Rating: T Chapters: 2/2

Read chapter one on Tumblr.

Chapter two summary: Sam and Bucky talk after their date op in Germany.

“Four,” Bucky says.

Sam, plodding down the road beside him, turns to stare. His sidekick (and fuck him if Bucky’s thinking of Sam in the same terms) has his chin lifted, moving his gaze back and forth across the horizon in a slow sweep. With the lines of trees planted as windbreaks around the fields, they can’t see the highway from here. It could be nice, without the rushing noise of cars and trucks, if Bucky knew how to shut up. That sorta pout his mouth does when his face is in its sour resting position—that’s what Sam wants to see. Only because it means Bucky wouldn’t be talking and Sam could maybe find a few minutes of peace, some quiet in which to consider the Flag-Smashers they just fought.

“Four what?” he demands when Bucky doesn’t continue.

Can’t be hostiles. If Bucky had spotted anybody, he wouldn’t still be striding along, looking unconcerned. No, he’d be running flat-out towards their adversaries like the rash moron he’s always accusing Steve of having been. Trying to leave Sam in the dust until Sam kicked off and spread his wings.

“Four stars,” Bucky says, carefully, clearly, like that clears anything up.

“What are you doing? Rating our trip down the highway? That was a transport truck full of medicine and super-soldiers, not an Uber.”

Sam’s grinning to himself when Bucky turns his head to glare. Ah. So gratifying. Amends sound good in theory, but Bucky’s irritation is so much simpler in practice. Sam knows how to handle that. He’ll take the grouchy stewing post-mission over having to meet Bucky’s eyes across a table, the promised snapper dinner laid out in front of them. They haven’t gotten around to that yet.

“I’m not rating the ride,” Bucky says, “I’m rating our date.”

That trips Sam up, but just for a second.

“No, no, no, dates don’t end with me rescuing you from the underside of a truck.”

“You didn’t rescue me.”

“Man, those wheels would’ve turned you into ground beef,” Sam says with a snort.

“I doubt it. Fell two hundred feet without a parachute today and I’m fine.”

“You want a second opinion on that?”

Instead of watching Bucky’s scowl deepen at the joke, Sam sees his expression flatten out. It makes Sam narrow his eyes in suspicion.

“What?” he prompts.

“You’re wrong,” Bucky states plainly.

“About what those wheels would do to you? We can test it when we’re back stateside if you want. I’ll requisition a truck.”

“Not about that.”

Sam’s looking closely, so he spots the smile. A curl at the corner of Bucky’s mouth. He hopes, secretly, that Bucky is scanning the surroundings well enough for both of them, because Sam’s attention is homed in on this little sign of Bucky’s amusement.

“About the end of the date,” Bucky finally clarifies.

“Mission. The end of the mission, when I rescued you.”

“The end of the date, when I was on top of you.”

Something to throw with all his strength, that’s what Sam needs right now. Some physical outlet for how badly he wants to fling the creeping, seeking, aching things he’s feeling very far away from himself. He wonders if Steve ever just whipped the shield as hard as he could to vent his frustrations. It’s hot as hell out here under the sun and Sam can feel the dampness of his chest inside his suit, the sweat riding his spine.

He takes a deep breath through his nose, fine with the scent of manure and getting nothing but grass instead. Like inhaling the colour green. Smells like the field they landed in. Landed in and went barreling across until, yeah, Sam wound up on his back with Bucky above him, their arms fastened around each other like life preservers or umbilical cords or anything else tight and necessary for keeping people alive. Goddamn nose-to-nose. Over the phone, Sam could brush Bucky off. When he says this shit in person, Sam has nowhere to go, besides extending the wings and launching himself into the sky. But he doesn’t want to overreact (doesn’t want Bucky to see him overreact).

“You just calling it a date because you don’t have rules for those?” Sam asks, deflecting.

“My three rules, you mean?” Bucky asks. He loses the smile.

“Right.”

“They’re for… everything. Supposed to be a blanket rollout, not doing anything illegal or that’ll hurt anybody in any aspect of my life. I’m sure the rules go for dating too, though Dr. Raynor and I didn’t really talk about those specific circumstances.”

“I think you might’ve mostly stuck to those rules today. I don’t think we hurt those guys.”

“Maybe you didn’t—”

“Get over yourself.”

“You’re a rude date,” Bucky notes. He’s looking straight ahead. No, not looking, staring. Like he does.

“I didn’t even invite you,” Sam says, refusing to correct this bonehead again about what kind of outing this was. “You walked onto that plane.”

“You wanted me to come.”

“Didn’t need you.”

“Oh really?” Bucky challenges. Sam clenches his jaw as he avoids meeting Bucky’s gaze.

“Hey, I was still in the air while you were clinging to that truck like a toddler to their dad’s leg.”

“You were in the air, but for how long?” Bucky asks, halting and grabbing Sam’s arm. Sam shakes him off in annoyance but stops too. “Until the Flag-Smashers knocked you out or broke your wings like they broke Redwing. They were mopping the floor with you.”

“And it was so damn useful to have you there to be the other mop,” Sam says sarcastically.

“If you’d put me back on the truck instead of in the field, we mighta had a shot at them.”

Bucky’s hands go to his hips, his Vibranium arm gleaming in the sun. He’s going to have to say more about that White Wolf thing. Wondering where the hell Bucky’s sleeve went and refusing to ask, Sam crosses his arms tightly over his chest.

“We had no shot. Not today, not without more information.”

“Information takes too long.”

“That’s what a successful op is,” Sam stresses, chopping the side of one hand into his opposite palm. “Intelligence gathering, corroboration, planning, execution. Information is what tells you to hang back instead of throwing yourself into a fight you’re not prepared enough to win.”

“We were already here. We couldn’t just let them leave.”

“Don’t worry about the hypotheticals now; them leaving is exactly what happened.”

“Unless Captain America has ’em on the ropes,” Bucky says deadpan.

“I hope they pushed him off the back of one of those trucks.”

“Were you thinking about that while we were up there with him?”

“At the time, I was thinking about pushing you off the back of the truck for getting us into that situation,” Sam explains, “that’s why I can picture it so clearly. See, Buck? I always have a plan.”

“Just like Steve.”

“No, not just like Steve.”

Sam pushes past Bucky to start walking again. After a couple steps, Bucky’s back at his side.

“You think the new guy had a plan?” he asks. “I don’t.”

“I don’t give a shit.”

“Sure you do.”

“Are you trying to get me to talk now? Mr. ‘I’m not a words guy’? Fine,” Sam huffs, tired from everything inside him that’s pushing to get out rather than their leisurely walk down a country road. Even so, he walks faster, almost stomping, and Bucky has to lope up next to him to stay in step. “I don’t think he had a plan. I don’t think he could fasten that dumb helmet on his head without a direct order. I don’t think he and his partner found us on their own initiative.”

“They work pretty smoothly as a team though,” Bucky tosses out.

“That looked like familiarity, not the result of inspiring leadership on the part of the Captain.”

“And not as good as us.”

Sam sends Bucky poisonous side-eye.

“I’m not trying to lead you.”

“I don’t wanna be led,” Bucky replies. “We fight together better than they do and that’s with you pretending you hate me.”

“Oh, I don’t need to pretend.” The comment is habit.

“All I’m saying is that it’s better. The two of us being out here doing this stuff together.”

“Especially with that dick waiting in the wings.”

Bucky stares at him long enough that Sam turns his head to stare back. When he does, Bucky glances away, but Sam knows where he was looking—at his back, where his wings are folded away.

“Waiting in the wings is a figure of speech,” he tells Bucky angrily.

“It’s perfect though. I always think of you as that dick in the wings.”

Sam exhales hard through his nose.

“I hope you don’t always think of me as anything.”

“I do. I always think of you.”

Freefall doesn’t jar Sam, no more than what he can remember it feeling like when he was a little kid and his dad would toss him into the air before catching him again. But what Bucky says changes the physics of his insides, the gravity all wrong with his organs. Heart plummeting then trying to sail straight up his throat like a balloon somebody just let go of.

Then Bucky adds, “You and that shield.”

“Drop it.”

He could just fly to the airport, leave Bucky here with plenty of time to think his stupid, shield-related thoughts. Maybe this smartass would have all the answers by the time he reached the plane, or Munich, if they went wheels-up without him. The truth is that the shield—and the Captain America persona—are on Sam’s mind just as much as they’re on Bucky’s, only he manages to keep those thoughts locked up tight. He has to make sure that shit’s contained, particularly if the new poster boy’s going to turn up like this. Sam doesn’t need that in his face.

As they walk, he glances at Bucky, who’s probably as aware of it as Sam is when Bucky gives him that stare. Blue as the sky overhead and heavy as a boulder. The realization that, although he didn’t mean to lead, Bucky followed him here, and continues to stick with him, is staggering. The pages of his mental photo album flip and he sees Steve crack a grin. It’s not like that, Sam tells that blond do-gooder, young in his memories. The only blond do-gooder who ever has or ever will look right with his arm threaded through the straps of the shield.

Maybe, maybe, this thing could work. Him and Bucky running ops, doing better at not getting their asses kicked in front of the government’s hand-picked hero. But Bucky’s gotta let that shit go. Since the Blip, Sam’s been trying to fly under the radar and that’s what he wants to continue doing. He doesn’t need to be showy, just effective; he doesn’t want to get dragged into some Cap vs. Cap contest, the inheritor against the upstart. If Bucky would take the time to think and listen, they could figure this out and be good. And do good. Understanding each other the way Sam wanted when he called Bucky up and they talked about Tunisia and rules and fish dinners. Bucky could make his jokes and, the next time, Sam could call his bluff. Show that gruff, rusty motherfucker what a real date looks like. What kind of team could they be? All kinds.

“Are we even going the right way?” Bucky asks after a half-hour of silence.

“Yes,” Sam says firmly.

He actually hasn’t checked. After they untangled themselves in that field, he just started walking, too keyed up to establish their position. He wonders if the grass still shows their path, crushed where they rolled to a stop.

“You sure?”

“Uh huh.”

“Got any thoughts you wanna share?” Bucky asks. Sam frowns and steals a glance at him. “What? I told you I’ve been going to therapy. I know the importance of a healthy dialogue.”

Sam tries to force his mouth to keep curving down, but he really wants to smile. Bucky’s not the worst company and he is obviously capable of growth.

“A question,” he says.

“If it’s sarcastic, I’m not—”

“Four outta what?”

“What?”

“You said four stars,” Sam reminds him. “Is that four outta five or four outta ten?”

Bucky’s smile spreads slowly, smugly, and Sam rolls his eyes hard. He’s no more aggravated by Bucky than he is by his own need to know. ‘Four stars’ was an incomplete assessment! Typical.

“I hate you,” he says.

Still smiling away, Bucky sways into Sam as he walks, their arms brushing. Could be an accident.

But probably not.

[mudhorn-djarin19]

Camping Trip - Chp 1 (Frankie “Catfish” Morales x f!reader)

Summary: The boys take a couple retreat weekend and Frankie doesn’t want to be the only one going alone. So he invites you his best friend since high school to come along. Will the trip finally push you two who have had crushes on each other for years together? Warnings: mutual pining, language Rating: General. Will change in future chapters. Masterlist AO3 Link Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 Join my taglist via here! ___________________________________________________________ Frankie and the boys sat at the local bar discussing an upcoming camping trip. The Miller boys had a family cabin they inherited that the group often did weekend gatherings at. They wanted to do another weekend trip away but this time allow the significant others to join for a couple retreat. Everyone was all excited and down for it but Frankie sighed not too thrilled that he’d be going alone. He’s been single ever since the Colombia excursion and his lady left him after the events. “Hey cheer up Fish. You’ll still have fun!” Benny said. “You could bring a tinder date or a friend.” Santiago said. “I’m not getting a tinder date… I’m too old for that shit.” Frankie replied “Okay well a friend. What about that best friend of yours you’ve had since high school? Y/N?” Santiago asked. “I mean I guess I can ask. She’s already one of us so wouldn’t feel out of place.” He said. “Plus maybe a weekend away with her is just the push you need.” Benny picked, knowing Frankie’s had a crush on you since high school but never said anything in fear of ruining your friendship. Frankie rolled his eyes. “Shut up.” **** Later that evening as you sat at home watching tv you saw your phone light up with Frankie’s name. “Hey Fish! What’s up?” You asked, a smile on your face. “Hey so uh the boys and I are planning a weekend cabin trip next weekend. They’re all bringing their girls and I uhh… don’t want to be the only one not bringing someone. You already know us well and I think you’d get along with the girls. Would you want to come along if not doing anything? He asked nervously. “Fish, I’d love to come! You know anytime I can hang out with you is definitely a yes from me.” You chuckle. “Great great.” He chuckles back. “I’ll pick you up Thursday in the evening.” You confirm the arrangement and hang up the phone. You throw yourself back on the sofa and let out a big sigh. A whole weekend away with Frankie? During what is to be a couples retreat? Man this is going to be an interesting time. You’d had a crush on Frankie since high school and been with him through everything. The typical high school crap, him going off to the military, him coming home from the heist to find Maria had left with the baby who he can’t see anymore, his drug addictions and so much more. And he was there for you in return through things such as you going off to college and your rough engagement break off with Jim. You guys were like two peas in a pod and because of that you held off on saying anything to Frankie in fear of ruining and losing the thing you had going. **** The evening of the beginning of the trip, Frankie swung around after work and picked you up in his truck. You swear he’ll run that thing into the ground for he’s had it for years and seen it’s better days. “Ready to go?” He asks as you greet him at the door, him taking your bags from you. “Definitely. Thank you for inviting me. A trip away for some fun was definitely needed.” You smile. He smiles back and places your belongings into the back of the back seat of the truck before heading back to your side and opening your door for you, helping you up into the truck. Once back on his side he starts the truck and you two make your way on your journey to the cabin. The drive lasts for two hours but is a fun drive as you two chat about life, reshare memories, and jam to your favorite rock music. You guys arrive at the cabin pretty quickly and are met happily by the boys and their girls. “Hey Fish! You made it. And I see Y/N made it as well!” Santiago says bringing you both in for a hug. “Hey Pope. Good to see you again.” You smile, hugging him back. “You guys got the room upstairs to the right for the weekend.” Benny says. “Need help with bags?” “Nah I got it. Thanks.” Frankie says grabbing both your bags and heading into the cabin. You shake your head at him, taking more than he needs to and leaving you empty handed but follow him into the house to your designated room for the weekend. “Oh.” Frankie says as he drops the bags onto the floor in the corner. You wonder what had him a little shocked until you see the room only has one queen sized bed in the room. “I uh… I’ll make a cot on the floor for the weekend. You can take the bed.” He states quickly. “Fish… seriously?” You look at him, eyebrow raising a little. “You’re not sleeping on the floor in a cot.” “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable…” He says. “Oh my god. Grow up Fish… It’s fine. We’ve known each other for like half of our lives. Sharing a bed is nothing.” You chuckle, whacking him lightly on the chest. Frankie clears his throat and nods. “Y-yea…” Knowing this weekend is going to be torture for him even more so now. Once all your belongings are all settled in your room for the weekend you both head down to the kitchen to meet the rest of the gang and help them prepare for dinner. Santiago’s girl and Benny’s girl were both busy cooking while Will’s girl was setting the table. The boys were all standing around chatting and drinking. “Hey Fish, Y/N! All settled in?” Benny asked, giving Frankie a knowing wink. Frankie stared at him, glaring a bit and nodded. “Yea, I think we are.” He says grabbing a beer. You felt bad standing around and not helping the rest of the girls so went out to the dining room to help Will’s girlfriend finish setting up the table, leaving Frankie to chat with the boys. “Want some help?” You ask. “Oh! Sure thank you!” She smiles. “I don’t think we’ve met before. I’m Shannon, Will’s girl. You must be Frankie’s girlfriend yes?” She extends her hand. “Oh… um. I’m not his girlfriend. Just a close old friend. My name is Y/N.” You shake her hand, blushing at hearing her call you his girlfriend. “Oh! My apologies. I just figured you were since is a couples retreat.” She chuckled. “It’s okay. I understand. I’m his plus one for the weekend so not so out of the loop.” You chuckle and help her finish setting the table. You all had gathered at the big table, passing the platters of food the girls cooked around and chatting about plans for the weekend. “I figured we can do bonfires most nights. Those are always fun. I know on Saturday us boys plan to go up into the mountains and do some shooting. So you girls can hang out and do… whatever girls do.” Benny said. “It’s so pretty out here we should do stargazing some night!” Will’s girl says. “Oh yea!” Santiago’s girl responds. “We can do that. There’s a nice clearing not to far from here we can go to and watch them.” Will responds. You all continue your chatter about the weekend not noticing how some of the girls are giving the interaction between you and Frankie looks. Already knowing you are both into each other. He has his arm draped across the back of your chair and anytime he says something or someone makes you laugh you lean into him, placing a hand on his chest. **** Later that evening you were all huddled around the campfire Santiago had made, roasting marshmallows and chatting. It was nice to spend time with your good friends and meet some new ones. The girls were really sweet. The boys were goofing off and tossing marshmallows back and forth trying to catch them in their mouths. All failing miserably for the most part which gave you all a good chuckle. The night was growing colder and you felt it as you shivered a bit, wishing you had grabbed a jacket but not wanting to leave the fun to run inside to get one. Frankie leans down from behind you and speaks into your ear, noticing you shiver. “You cold?” “A little. Should of brought my jacket out but I’m fine.” You reply. You feel a jacket drop onto your shoulder then and turn to look up at Frankie who is now in just his long sleeve shirt, having removed his thick jean jacket to keep you warm. “Fish… “ You start to say but he waves his hand to stop you, insisting you keep it. You sigh and smile, pulling your arms into it and laughing a little at how big it is on you. Frankie wasn’t a very big man but he was big enough that his stuff was baggy on you. You look back up at him and mouth a quite thank you, getting a nod in response. When you turn your head back to the group you see Santiago giving you a knowing smirk and you look at him confused before shaking it off. Not knowing Frankie behind you was returning that knowing smirk to him. **** That night you crawled into bed, snuggling under the plush covers watching as Frankie paced around the room getting ready for bed himself. “You sure your cool with this?” He asked again as he stood on his side of the bed. “Yes. Relax Fish.” You chuckled. He shut up and nodded, crawling under the covers beside you but making sure to keep a distance between you just to not push any boundaries. You let out a little chuckle in response and leaned over to turn off you nightstand light for you both to get some well needed shut eye before the adventures of the weekend start tomorrow.

[nakedmossy]

Cruel Summer - Part 1 [JJ x Reader]

[A/N: Hi again. I've missed you. It was time for something new. I found this story in a dream. Prepare for a mental trip, it's indicative of the year i've had. This is gonna go in a million different directions and I can't say i'm surprised. Ive written two chapters and i'm already like ...well, fuck it i'm posting it...I needed to get back into writing and this is what I got so enjoy. I have a playlist I used while writing, comment if you want it shared. As always, not that any of us need the reminder....but there will be adult content (whatever that means) and language and NSFW content so...keep me off your screen at the dinner table. Love y'all ...Mossy x]

You ease your car into park, your hand resting on the gear shift, the tires slowly rocking back and forth on the soft ground as the engine dies. Sunlight streams through your windshield as a cloud of dust and sand settles around the car, and you feel a trapped breath release from deep in your chest. The quiet, melodic hum of music relaxes your shoulders and through the trees you can see the water rhythmically hitting the shore.

You haven’t been here in a few weeks and you're starting to feel it; the tight and uncomfortable tensing in your muscles, the locked jaw, the flat expressions. The closer it gets to the anniversary the more you feel the need to visit. But the frequency of your visits is dictated by Her, and She keeps tabs on your whereabouts a lot these days. ‘Its not healthy to spend so much time there’ She would say to you, while pulling a Valium out of her bag to slide towards you. She has your therapist on speed dial on the landline. And she blames you for living in the past. Ironic.

You pull your keys out of the ignition, unbuckle your seatbelt, and let your muscle memory guide you out of the car and through the trees to the edge of the embankment where the sand and the sea grass take over. Flashes of Lacey running down the beach in front of you, looking back over her shoulder and laughing, are burned into your eyelids when you blink. She was everywhere here, every corner of this beach belonged to her. Her towel spread out on the sand at your feet, books with water damaged pages scattered across it, her bag tossed lazily to the side. Her board perched against the log you used to dry out your wetsuits. Her camera.

You close your eyes and listen to the wind move through the grass, her laugh echoing off the rocks. Come on! She would laugh with an outstretched arm. Come take a picture with me.

Her lips were supple and her nose was sun kissed, her hair bleached and tousled from the saltwater. She would motion for you to come over and you would go, because you always did, to fit into the frame next to her, cramming yourself in wherever you could after she found her best angle. She would hold up the camera and wrap her arm around you tightly, the smell of her tanning oil and sweat floating around you in a heady cloud, and at the last moment she would press her lips to your cheek and whisper cheese.

You blink and look at the water again, a seagull squawking as it flies over the empty beach. Reaching into your jeans pocket and feeling for the photo, you pull it out and look down, the moment she clicked the button frozen in time on the paper in your hand. Her side profile was radiant, the wind blowing her hair around her lips which were pressed to your face, you looked straight at the camera with a shy smile, a hidden smile, a quiet smile. An honest smile.

You run your thumb across the picture reflexively before sighing and putting the picture back in your pocket, it was one of the last photos you had together and it was one of the only ones you could clearly make out your own face. That always bothered you. Now you’ll never forget how happy we were today. I love you. She shook the polaroid until it was developed, then pressed it into your chest and winked, waiting for you to grab ahold of it, before turning on her heal and running towards the water.

Your chest burns for a moment before you straighten up and set your jaw. You feel good today, closer to her than usual. Today might be the day. You follow the path through the dunes towards the water and concentrate on the tide, watching the foam and the water snake along the shoreline. It’s windy, but not as windy as it usually is this time of day. The sky, clear and clean of any clouds, is the colour of blue that reminds you what happiness is. Or was, you know, before all the shit happened. When life was something you had the ability to process, sometimes even enjoy.

Now or never. Your head whips up at the sound of her voice and you see her, standing in the water. You feel the blood rush to your face, your core warming. There she is, running a hand up her stomach towards her chest and smiling at you, the kind of smile that would get good people into bad situations.

Slowly you slide your sneakers off and kick them aside, wiggling the sand between your toes. You’re not wearing a bikini but the beach is empty, so you close your eyes and listen to Lacey laughing from the water, come on scaredy cat, nobodies looking, as you peel your top off and drop it into the sand beside your shoes. You unbutton your shorts next and let them slide down your legs, stepping out of them hesitantly.

Lacey walks out of the water, so you keep your eyes closed, knowing if you open them she will be gone, and you wait for her to bite her lip and smile at you. There. Look at your body. You’re beautiful. Come on. She guides you towards the water with nothing but her own bare skin and confidence, nothing could ever touch her. You know its only a few steps until your feet are in the water, you should open your eyes and look around to make sure nobody is watching, but you don’t get to see her often anymore between the Valium and the other stuff, so you forgo it for a few more seconds. Today is the day, you have to do it. Time is running out. She’s all but told you as much.

“I miss you” You say, but your voice sounds foreign and it breaks and scatters into the wind.

Im right here. Lacey smiles at you like she always did, her crooked dimpled grin, her perfectly straight white teeth, her eyes shining. Now shut up and get in the water.

You feel the warm dry sand turn to wet firm sand beneath your feet, you know you’re close. It’s ours, all of it. The water. Just let go and let the Ocean carry you. You’re weightless. Isn’t it perfect?

Your breathing is shallow and your palms are clammy. There’s a tingling sensation in your thighs and you feel dizzy. You have to open your eyes. No, don’t. Not yet. Stay with me.

The water touches your toes and your eyes shoot open, you recoil and lose your footing, falling backwards. You crab crawl away from the water until the tide retreats and you feel your vision tunnelling as Lacey fades into the sunbeam above the water.

You scramble back to your clothes and pull your shorts above your sand stained underwear, your shirt smoothing your hair down as it settles back over your shoulders. You take a few deep breaths until your heart rate slows down. A tear springs up and sits in your eye for a few moments before falling and drying on your cheek. The beach is the best place to cry. The ocean is loud so nobody hears you, and the sun is hot so the tears dry fast.

You don’t want to turn around and look back at the water, you know she won’t be there. You’re alone, properly alone, just like she said you would be, psychic bitch. If she hadn’t been so charismatic and beautiful and conveniently wealthy, people would have outcasted her for being a freak a long time ago. What with all the tealeaves and palm readings and ‘gut feelings’. But they never did, her family had more money than the Kennedys and she looked like she walked runways for fun on the weekends, so she was untouchable. Your stomach starts to turn as you think about it so you blink the ground in front of you back into focus and start walking.

You have a few minutes of freedom left before She starts calling and asking where you are, so you walk slow to savour it. Who knows when you would be allowed out long enough again to go back.

You emerge from the tree cover into the parking area, pondering how many different routes you can take to get home to elongate the drive, when you hear a car door close. You look up, pulled from your thoughts, and squint to see through the bright sun.

“‘Scuse me!” A voice says, deep and friendly. A silhouette is moving towards you, so you bring your hand up to block the sun from your eyes. “Hey, sorry, do you live around here?”

You blink a few times as the silhouette gets closer and make out the figure of a tall man with wispy hair and baggy shorts.

“Sorry?” You reply, still trying to get a clear image.

“Im just trying to find the Marina but I have taken at least 5 of these side roads and all I keep finding is empty damn parking lots.” The man stops a few feet from you, close enough that you can make out a tan face with a toothy grin, and blonde hair. “First one with a pretty girl though, so I must be going the right way.” He smiles at you confidently, shielding his own eyes from the sun, but still squinting.

You look back over your shoulder to the beach, confirming Lacey is gone. You turn and look at the man who is watching you intently, hopefully, and smile quietly.

“Yeah, it’s uh…its just back on the main road, go 3 clicks south and take a right at the fork. You’ll see a fancy sign for a beach club, it’s just past that.” You look past him to the old Ford truck with rusted wheel wells and smile to yourself. “Assuming you’re not going to the beach club.”

The man laughs and smiles, looking over your shoulder at the beach before his eyes settle back on you. “Nope. Never been to one of those…legally.” He winks and backs up a few steps, then nods and says “Thanks” before turning and walking back towards his truck. He slows as he reaches it and stops, then turns back and pivots before jogging back to you.

You wait and watch, curious. He stops a few steps away and stretches out his hand.

“Sorry. That was rude of me. Im JJ.”