#to having an official gf and saying she’s more important to him than the game 😭

[hannahwatchesbigbrother]

Listen, call them annoying all you want, but the America/Cory showmance has been CINEMA from the start to this very last week like they are what the romcoms dream to be

[charlieconwayy]

map out chadam endgame pls!

OKAY GAYS HERE WE GOOOO basically adam has been in love w charlie since charlie pulled him aside at the north stars game and asked if they could be friends. adam is shy af so he was like “uh...ig” but it literally is so important to him that charlie noticed he was struggling and he’s just like obsessed w that moment forever. and they stayed besties until d3 when adam was put on varsity and charlie’s chaotic ass was angry. adam considers that the worst time in his life bc no matter what he always had charlie except for then and it haunts him and he constantly wondered what he was doing wrong. he was also hella struggling at that time bc maybe his feelings for charlie weren’t just platonic? and when he sees charlie with linda he realizes he’s in love. no one knows except julie bc they get drunk at a party one night and he cries and tells her and she just holds him and tells him it’s okay.

finally, senior year, adam decides to come out to the team. it’s 1999 so most people are homophobic, including some of the team, but charlie publicly stands up for him and adam’s heart just swells. then charlie starts to think ab gay people bc he’s had feelings for guys before and “weird” dreams but he’s never thought about it until now. he doesn’t know what he is but he thinks he likes adam. one night they get drunk and hook up. charlie is kind of ~promiscuous~ in hs so he’s kind of just like “it’s cool, we’ll hook up but we don’t need to label :)” and adam is just like. heartbroken. but he loves charlie sm that he sucks it up. until charlie gets a steady gf (drivers license by olivia rodrigo plays) and then adam calls him a coward and they have a big fight on the ice at practice. charlie realizes he actually cares ab adam and asks him to prom, but adam is sad bc charlie is going to take his gf and just like what? make out w him in the bathroom? he’s so heartbroken and done.

adam makes it to the nhl. charlie tries college for a minute but hates it. he becomes a peewee coach like bombay. he never misses one of adam’s games and hounds julie and connie (adam’s besties) for info on what he’s up to. if he’s found someone. eventually he does. obv it’s a lowkey thing bc adam doesn’t want to be the first openly gay nhl player but charlie knows and is sad.

jan dies. everyone comes home for the funeral. adam brings his bf. charlie publicly starts fights w the bf at literally any opportunity bc he just lost jan and he just wants adam to be his bf so bad. julie has basically had enough and locks charlie and adam in a room so they can talk ab their feelings. lISTEN THIS PART IS STRICTLY HC BUT THE JOSHUA JACKSON EXTENDED UNIVERSE IS CANON IMO!!!!! basically charlie tells adam all of these little memories he has of them. sharing a bunk bed during the goodwill games. the first time charlie got high and ate too much and threw up on adam’s shoes. and lastly, when he asked if they could be friends at the north stars game. it was so important to adam for so long and he can’t believe charlie remembers and he’s just like “you remember that?” and the ICONIC jjax “i remember everything” is said

they kiss

adam doesn’t want to break up w his bf bc he’s good to him. charlie finally breaks down and tells adam he loves him. adam just laughs and says “i’ve always loved you. i’ve always fucking loved you. but we’re adults now. we have to make grown up decisions.” they hug and cry into each other’s shoulders.

it turns out adam’s man is cheating on him. adam breaks up w him. the man outs him to the tabloids. adam goes into hiding. all of the ducks, even the previously homophobic ones, stay in hiding w him until he says it’s okay to make statements. they make a joint one: “adam is one of the most honest, kind, incredible people we’ve ever known and having him on our team was the best decision that coach bombay ever made. any team would be lucky to have him. we stand solely with adam and condemn any hateful remarks.” it’s like 2005 so it’s rly a big deal, but adam’s team decides not to fire him bc bombay threatens them w law suit.

charlie stays w adam throughout the whole thing. they cry together some more. they’re not officially together, but they’re not not together.  adam says “hockey was always the only thing that mattered. until you.” charlie tells adam he’s his favorite person in the whole world. they become official.

only julie knows at first. then connie (then, obviously guy.) then charlie works up the courage to tell fulton, who is the most outspokenly supportive of them. charlie tells his mom. she cries and tells him she’s proud of him. he tells bombay. he says he already knew. the bankses, who have disowned adam, threaten charlie. charlie and adam laugh, bc they were never good to adam. he’s always hated them, and now they can hate them together.

charlie and adam live together for about three years, happier than they’ve ever been. adam’s hardly ever home, but malewife charlie usually flies w him on his teams’ offseason. there’s a kid on charlie’s team, a ryan atwood type. an orphan who gets into a lot of trouble. charlie lets him sleep at his one night and the kid flips out when he realizes his coach is friends w THE adam banks likw wtf??? why did no one know. charlie and adam fall in love w this kid. he stays w them. they adopt him. he was previously homophobic, but charlie talked sense into him. he’s now proud to have a gay and bi dad!!!!!!!

gay marriage is legalized in 2015. charlie and adam get married in a quiet ceremony w only the ducks, casey and orion present (they lost contact w bombay at this point). their vows are super cheesy but connie and julie (and portman) all cry and their son is obsessed w the wedding being perfect and is a bridezilla ab it. except like obv not the bride, like the groom’s kid. 

adam retires and becomes a public defender. charlie takes a job coaching at the local public high school.

the reason charlie wasn’t at the ducks reunion was bc he was so angry at bombay. he told adam to go for him and relay everything back to him. adam comes home from the trip and tells charlie ab how the ducks are cake eaters now and he’s horrifed. charlie makes plans to do something ab that....

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #463

“the siren sings a lonely song of all the wants & hungers  /  the lust of love, a brute desire”

Describe the person that you would like to be in three years. I want my mental health to be in great condition, I really want to be in much better physical shape, ideally be living with somebody in our own place, have a job I'm happy with, have an improved social life, my own license and car... Think back to when you first met your significant other (or ex). Was your first impression of them accurate? It's funny, I honestly don't remember what my first impression of Girt was. I don't even recall our first interaction. I'm sure it was most likely that he was friendly, because he is and always has been. What is your most noticeable personality trait? Probably that I'm really, really shy. What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? Hurricanes. Which of your family members do you resemble the most? I guess one of my immediate sisters? People tend to say stuff like they can definitely tell we're related. Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? No. Who knows you better than anyone else? Hell, probably whoever reads these. When was the last time you started a “new chapter” of your life? I guess you could call dating Girt a "new chapter." I have a much, much stronger feeling of this attempt being more successful than the last now that I've been able to change my angle on how I see him. What’s the most expensive thing your car needed to get done? I don't have my own vehicle and never have. If you had a thousand dollars to spend on a pricey brand you like but can’t really afford (until now of course), which ONE brand would you choose? *shrug* Most products of highly expensive brands I find hideous anyway. Do you still talk to any of your old teachers? Yeah. One is a close family friend and actually our landlord. Does your family still use the home phone or are you all on cell phones now? We haven't had a landline is yeeeeaaarrrrsssss. Ever go to another school’s prom? No; my boyfriend went to the same school as me. Do you ever venture into the woods? What do you normally do there? No; we live in the city now. :/ When I DID live in the woods, I absolutely loved wandering around with my camera for stuff to take pics of. Does your significant other ever make you mix CDs? None ever have but omg I wish that would be adorable. How did you dress your freshman year of high school? I was one of them emo kids. Would you ever date your best friend of the opposite sex? WELP that's what I'm doing lol. Would you say you have a high sex drive or not so much? I'd call it normal? Higher sometimes, lower other times, but not to either extreme. Come with an unpopular opinion. Silent Hill: Homecoming is a great game and while there's a lot of fan service from the movie, it belongs in the series. It's actually my second (or third)-favorite installment. Most of the SH community absolutely hate that game. What’s the worst thing a friend has either done or said to you? A lot of shit Colleen would say if we got into arguments. She'd ridicule effects of my depression, said I'd never know what it's like to pay my own bills, stuff like that. She's hateful as fuck and everything cut deep. What’s fake about you? Like extensions, fake nails, botox etc. Nothing physical. If you got the chance, would you audition for a reality show? No. Have you ever gotten into a Facebook fight? More than once. What’s the cheesiest thing you’ve ever experienced irl? Hm, I'm unsure. Favorite flavor of jelly bean? Probably watermelon. Do you use Tinder? If yes, have you ever met up with someone you matched? No. You do you, but if I understand Tinder correctly, it just seems... really shallow to me. Like don't you JUST see their picture to decide if you're interested or not? It just enforces the false belief that appearance really matters in love. You just poured your heart out to your crush and all he/she does is respond “k”. What do you respond/do? Well, I don't have a crush anymore; my boyfriend and I literally exchanged "I love you"s last night. That's not a crush. But for the sake of the question, I'll imagine I was single and this happened, in which case I would be both hurt and annoyed. Like, either tell me you return the feelings or not. It's not hard. What's your favorite thing to order from McDonald’s? I usually get a quarter pounder w/ cheese or a McDouble, occasionally with a small or medium fry, depending on how hungry I am. When do you feel your sexiest? Never, hunny. What's your favorite emoji? I don't really have one? It just depends on what the situation calls for. What’s your skincare routine? I don't really have one... I just use a washcloth to clean my face. Who all out of your immediate family smokes? My dad and stepmom. Do you like incense or candles better? Incense, totally. Do you respect your parents? Yeah. What’s your bf/gf’s name? It's technically Donald Jr., but since high school, I've known him as Girt, a nickname I won't explain for his privacy. Do you wear glasses? Yeah. Do you like The Beatles? I honestly don't. Except "Hey, Jude." What was the last reason you got excited? Last night. When we were saying goodbye, I was scared to, but I told Girt I loved him, and he immediately said it back confidently. My heart did like five flips. I'm still over the moon about it. Yes, we just got back together, but we've been in each other's lives as a constant since HS, and after changing my angle of how I looked at him, it's not at all platonic anymore. Do you know anyone who drinks the pickle juice from the jar? Sara does alskdjfklwejrl;er Name something crazy that’s happened recently? Uhhhh... I dunno. My life is very uneventful to have something really "crazy" happen. Can you say for a fact that you’re happy right now? I'm happy about some things, but also nervous and self-doubtful. Have you ever zip lined? No, but they look fun. I'd just be really scared of losing my grip. If you broke your computer, would you be able to fix it on your own? Ha, no. Have you ever been on a boat and got sick? No, but the one time I was at the beach and on a boat riding to an island, I was TERRIFIED I was going to get sick because of the waves. I didn't, thankfully. Did you sleep well last night? For the most part. My new mask might just be working. Do your parents try and plan your life for you? Not at all. Do you have any pictures of you kissing someone? Yes. List two things about yourself that you find embarrassing. My weight and how dark my leg hair is. Do you like to cuddle with your pet when you are sad? Yes. Do you find piercing attractive or unattractive? h o t Do you have any secret hiding spots in your room? To put money, yes. Do you like parmesan cheese on your spaghetti? Ew, no. I don't like parmesan. Does your best girl friend have any talents that you don’t? Yeah. She can animate well, for one. And sing like a fucking champ. Do you have any video game systems in your room? Which one(s)? My Nintendo DS Lite is in here. Well, and my laptop is a gaming one. What color eyes does the last person you kissed have? ... Oh WOW I've known this man for a fuckin decade and somehow I'm not sure??? But I want to say light blue? Have you ever taken a ride in a helicopter? No. Have you ever visited hot springs? No. How slowly or quickly would you say you eat? I'm aware I eat too fast, because my mom will point it out almost without fail if we eat in sight of each other. I'm not a messy eater at all, just... fast. Chewing your food and swallowing isn't a complex task. I've made active efforts to slow down, I just haven't been able to succeed. It doesn't feel normal. That and I've come to discover that when I chew food TOO much, I don't like the mushy texture of it in my mouth. What did you do the last time you were with friends? Yesterday Girt and I planned to watch shitty Netflix anime for some laughs, but we wound up starting Attack on Titan, which I am officially pretty into. What kind of cologne/perfume do you like the opposite sex to wear? I don't care if they wear any or not, so long as they know how to clean themselves and therefore not actually smell bad. If you celebrate Christmas, do you get a real tree or an artificial tree? We always use a fake one. Is there someone who means a lot to you but they don’t know that? My sisters probably don't, really... Is money important to you? Live your whole life poor and I want to see you answer "no" to this. Have you ever watched a meteor shower? No. Do you like Slim Jims? LOOOOOOOVE them. Would you rather write a mystery or love story? Love story. Are you muscular? No. Working for it. Do you have one of those removable hand-held shower heads? Yes. Originally, this house didn't, but I hated it so much that Mom bought one. How many burners does your stove have? Four. Has your car ever been broken into? Mom's hasn't.

[sometimesrosy]

Hi I'm an endgame believer in bellarke but I was curious about something. Why is it that Clarke said she loved l/xa but when Bellamy was going to say he loves echo that it was cut out? Like they're both not the healthiest of relationships but it's pretty obvious that they cared in both relationships. Or is it just because it should be obvious and with bellarke being endgame they didn't want bellamy to say it 2 seasons before bellarke becomes an official couple bf/gf?

Well, it’s not required that love be healthy. There are lots of love relationships that are not healthy. Or that could be healthier. Love is not the answer. Love does not fix all the problems. If a person is messed up and they fall in love, the love doesn’t fix them, they’re just a messed up person in love. 

Maybe two messed up people in love. Sometimes one person’s mess will make the other person’s mess worse. Or they’ll make each other’s messes worse. I think those are the kind of relationships we tend to call “toxic.” I think people often got mad at me for saying CL was abusive because in their understanding of love, which could ONLY be good, love can’t be toxic. I was in a toxic relationship for 10 years and I can assure you, there was still love. It just didn’t make either of our messes better. 

Sometimes both people’s messes fit each other and they kind of fill in the holes or give the other person the right perspective or sounding board and they make each person BETTER. Sometimes love supports the lovers and allows them to be better than they are. Allows them to succeed. Doesn’t swallow up one lover. Creates something that is bigger than the parts.

I do think that’s one of the misunderstandings that shippers have. They think that if there is LOVE then that means a relationship is perfect and ideal and forever and good for everyone. And while that might be true in SOME stories (the whole disney ideal of love is one of the schools of fiction where it is) it’s not true in life and it’s generally not true in the more realistic or psychologically realistic stories.

So you have to figure out what kind of story is being told before you can understand what is going on with the love story/stories being told.

This story *is* absolutely telling us something about love. It just may not be what we think it’s saying, as shippers. Because it’s not written from a shippers, or romance genre, perspective... even though there are some genuinely romantic stories in it. 

There is no intention to make Bellarke obvious as endgame or B/E obvious as not endgame. That’s not the point. That is a perspective of shipwars, where one ship can win and one can lose. THIS IS NOT HOW YOU TELL A STORY. It’s how you play a football game. Shipping is a football game where endgame is the ball. That’s not a story, it’s a battle. 

A story is about CHANGE, about a character starting out one way and changing due to the obstacles in the story and the choices they make. 

If that’s the case, then what we’re looking at is the changes in the characters, in regards to love. And with Clarke and Bellamy, we have some major changes.

Clarke actually started out very loving, loving everyone, embracing everyone, even her enemies (bellamy and lxa most notably) and this allowed her to be able to understand them and bring them to her side. But the toxic message of love as a weakness absolutely destroyed Clarke. She spent 2199 alone, letting her love for Bellamy keep her alive and sane, and he returned and broke her heart by betraying her. So. Like. The lowest she ever got was when her anchor, her soulmate, her true love, turned out to be not only a weakness, but a mirage... or so she thought. She realized that was not the case and came back to herself and committed to being the good guy (her original vision of hope and humanity) and committed also to being Bellamy’s friend, because she believes that was all she could have. And then she gets bodysnatched and spends time in her mindspace where she learns to value herself and that she DOESN’T want to give up or sacrifice herself and she wants to fight and she reaches out and finds... Bellamy. And then Bellamy brings her back with the power of his love for her, and she learns how love is VERY MUCH NOT A WEAKNESS, then taking that lesson and bringing it back and using it to save her daughter and the rest of them and humanity in exactly the same way. She’s returned from the darkness to use her lessons and new powers to save her world (this is the hero’s journey, yo, finally. she’s back from the wilderness.)

And what is the power? 

Love. It is LOVE, nonny. 

In specific, Bellamy’s love for Clarke. Bellarke.

But lest you think this is all one sided, let’s look at Bellamy’s journey with love.

Well, I mean, he’s “the heart,” right? So that should be important to him, right? Even though, according to the “canon” interpretation of shipping, he’s never had a real love story, either it was sex without love or relationship with out story. Fandom claims that his love stories have been minimized, and he has been neglected by the writers, as the hero, from getting his own love story.

UNLESS you realize that the entire 7 seasons is Bellamy’s love story. He meets Clarke griffin in 1.01. He falls in love with her as the seasons go on, she becomes his soulmate, always separated from him by other love stories, politics, time, space and death itself, right? 

Bellamy has ALWAYS been about love, but in the beginning it was a very self abnegating kind of love. He was erased in his love. It was always for other people. HIs story with Octavia is really partly him learning how to claim worth for himself, find boundaries, say no. Season 4 was explicitly about Bellamy learning that he couldn’t save all the people he loved. That it was not his responsibility to take care of everyone. Season 5 had Bellamy living his life, keeping Clarke inside of him by living as she would want him to, internalizing her lessons. He kept her heart within his heart. He became the hero she believed he could be. He became the hero she wanted to be. He reached the end of his hero’s journey, and yet, his story wasn’t over.

The thing is, Bellamy in season 6? Bellamy wasn’t trying to “be the good guy.” Bellamy was trying to live a good life, like Monty and Harper, in love. Bellamy wasn’t looking for philosophy or even really saving his people. He was looking for ONE thing. Love. And he realized the CLARKE was that love. IN season 6. He was not looking to save his people, he was looking to save his Clarke, and he brought her back withe power of his love, alone. Once they were together, then he could go and save is people. They could be the heroes again. But now, his story is a love story.

He is the heart, teaching them all to live in love. And she is the head, teaching them all to live in goodness. And they can both do this because their journeys have BEEN such a struggle and they have been DENIED their goal the whole time. 

To be honest. This is my interpretation of the love story of Bellamy and Clarke up to this point and I can’t actually say that it’s done or complete or even that I’m 100 percent sure. Because the story is not over yet and no interpretation can be made, truly, without seeing the WHOLE story. However, I have enough evidence that I am speculating that this is the trajectory of the story. 

JR said that there is a complete story and there was a purpose to the whole thing, it wasn’t random and he did mean it.

I’m telling you, he means Bellarke, not just as two hot people with chemistry let’s get them together, but as the backbone of the story about unity, coming together, yin yang, soulmates, redemption and forgiveness and the rebirth of humanity. 

[jacekwcn]

𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭  𝐣𝐚𝐜𝐞.

[ VERNON CHWE, CISMALE, HE/HIM, 22 ] // filed under: ( JACE KWON ), student is a ( FOURTH YEAR ) from ( ENGLAND ) who specializes in ( CYBER OPS ). we believe they will be an asset because they are ( HONEST & LEVELHEADED ). however, we are monitoring them due to their tendency to be ( CALLOUS & SELF-SERVING ). at their basic state, they remind one of ( BASEBALL HATS WORN UNDER OVERSIZED HOODIES, SMOKING A JOINT ON THE ROOFTOP AT 4AM, A BRIGHT COMPUTER SCREEN ILLUMINATING A PITCH BLACK ROOM, KNIFE-CUTTING WORDS SPOKEN THROUGH A CHEEKY SMILE ). our ( ZERO ) has promise, but as we all know, brier isn’t for everyone. ✉ [ jocey, 23, est, she/her ]

what’s up party people?? it’s ya girl jocey. v excited to be here and can’t wait to write with everyone! jace is a new muse of mine, so soz if his intro is super shit & all over the place. hit that subscribe like button and i’ll slide into those dms to get the plot train rollinggg.

name : jace jihyun kwon nickname : sometimes j age : twenty-two gender : cismale sexuality : bicurious hometown : london, england

━  born to two brier alums, jameson kwon and victoria carter, whose a bit of a brier legacy herself. they were two of the brightest field ops agents in their year, who were later recruited to MI6 following their graduation. jace is an only child who learned very early on that there was a lot of pressure and expectations to live up to his parents. a majority of that pressure came from his parents themselves.        ━  he didn’t necessarily have a bad childhood, but he also wouldn’t say he had much of one to begin with. he often felt like his parents had him just to have an agent of their own to train. because that was what it was like growing up. students were officially recruited to brier at the age of eighteen, but jace had been training for this quite literally his entire life.     ━  from having the best tutors for various classes, including languages (korean, french, spanish & italian), to taking boxing and martial arts classes, his parents immersed him in a range of extracurriculars to prepare him for brier. it was clear that he was put on the path to end up in field ops like his folks, but it was in I.T. that he particularly excelled in. he hacked into all sorts of big corporations and a couple government agencies when he was barely 10.  ━  his parents weren’t particularly enthused when he was accepted into the cyber ops speciality, but eventually they accepted that as long as he was out on the field, they were somewhat satisfied. this also meant that they still held out hope that he could switch into field ops one day. well, it’s now his last year and that has yet to happen.         ━  does he even want to work in intelligence after graduation? that’s the million fucking dollar question, ain’t it? given who his parents work for, the answer should be simple, right? except jace has never been simple. his mind is more complicated than the coding that he writes, so the answer to that is a complicated tbd. if you ever ask him, he’ll always tell you to, “mind your own fucking business, mate,” with that annoying smirk of his.  ━  his parents were never particularly warm, loving people. chalk it up to their jobs, i guess. he seemed to have inherited that aspect of them as well. everyone knows jace is an asshole. he may look friendly and approachable, but rest assured, he’s not. not everyone can be blessed with a resting bitch face, alright? don’t piss him off because he’ll threaten to erase your existence with just a few keys and he’ll do it with no qualms.  ━  he is incredibly blunt and honest, especially when he doesn’t need to be. if you’re being a pathetic sack of potatoes, then he’ll tell you you’re being a pathetic sack of potatoes. but that also doesn’t necessarily mean he reveals the truth all the time either, especially when it comes to himself. being private and secretive is second nature to him, and he rarely lets anyone in. and he manages to do all of that with a cheeky ass smirk, so it’s kinda confusing if he’s really as mean as he comes off? but he is.   ━  jace is smart. like, really fucking smart. he just doesn’t apply himself or show as much effort as he should, especially as of late. in fact, he likes to laugh at the overly ambitious and eager to please students. he’ll show up to classes and will generally do what he’s told, but he’s always doing the bare minimum to get by. but when it comes to field tests and exams, he somehow manages to pull some shit out of his ass and blow people away. ━  definitely a slytherin. idk lol felt important to say that?? ━  also his code name comes from binary numbers. y’know, zeroes and ones. IDK.

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

BEST FRIEND  ━  listen, jace is a complete asshat, but everyone needs a best friend, ok?? he hangs out and is often seen with this person the most because he doesn’t like to tolerate anyone else really. probably knows him pretty well. maybe they started at brier together. he could also have two besties and we can make this a trio?? adorbs. insp: this, this.  taken by riku richetti, niomi hawkins, aurelia quinn MORAL CONSCIENCE  ━  someone who’s the opposite of jace. you make him be a better person. ok, or more realistically, at least a more tolerable person. for whatever reason, he listens to you and he’s kind of even... nice to you?? teach him how to care about anyone other than himself and basically how to be a decent human being. insp: this, this, this, this.  taken by beverly richetti MUTUAL HATRED  ━  jace and this person just have this insane, strong mutual dislike/borderline hatred with one another. maybe it was a small incident that escalated over time, or idk. we can plot this out more lol. but basically, they butt heads all the time and every time they’re in a room together, everyone knows it won’t end well. insp: this.  taken by sam bailey EX-GF  ━  dated for a bit and broke up for whatever reason. all the details can be plotted out. i’m not too particular. maybe they’re incredibly similar and that’s why they vibed well and also inevitably broke up. or they’re too different. super down for all the angst too - lingering feelings, jealousy, late-night booty calls, etc.  taken by lilia newport HOOK-UPS/FWBs  ━  self-explanatory?? we can make this angsty too cuz i’m a hoe for angst. open for more than one!  taken by sofia pedraza

^ unless they’re crossed out, i’m always open for more characters filling the wc, even if there’s someone filling it already! i’m also game for any plots not listed on here. these are literally just things off the top of my head, so plz plz plz feel free to suggest anything you have in mind!

[lighthenight]

Long time coming

Hey tumblr and blog from over 10 years ago....

This is a post that’s long overdue.

Well, where do I start? I’m 27. I work at a hyper growth cannabis startup called Caliva. I’m single. I’m living back at home. That’s the surface, “what have you been up to?” question and how’d I answer it.

To go off that, basically I officially finished my time at UCSD June 2018. I was ready to grow career-wise, not do one-of contracting gigs, and learn from larger companies and more experienced teams/products. And so I began the job hunt. Not to say that I took a huge break after graduating by just playing games for hours on end...

Job hunt was not as easy as I expected. I remember going into it thinking, well there’s tons of tech jobs and recruiters are constantly hitting me up. Surely, I’ll land an offer sooner than later. I promised my parents it’ll take 2 months after I began searching. I’ll tell you later how long it actually took.

So it’s competitive. Figured, right? Knowing that they pay high wages for the tech industry and want the best talent they can get. The gate was really at the technical interview and the fact that I was applying to mid to senior level positions yet I couldn’t prove my worth at the technical interview.

Here were the numbers that I remember off the top of my head: 55 days, 89 applications, 66 interviews, 8 on-site interviews, 2 offers.

I made the two months at least, right? Heh at the time, this was probably one of the most stressful times, and took me on emotional roller coaster for a bit. I didn’t question my self esteem but it made me question my ability as a programmer and that my personality doesn’t really cut it when it comes to technical jobs.... except my current job. But I’ll tell you when I get there.

My job was at Logitech’s HQ in Fremont. Super exciting opportunity, working in technology that I was at the time, really interested in. ReactJS in an electron app. And gaming industry? That’s the life right there. I worked on one of the most important teams, CPG - Creativity, productivity and gaming. So all the gaming mice; that was our shit. We designed the consumer software that controls your devices all in one cross platform app. It’s called LG Hub or Kiros.

Going into it, was super excited, given that they interviewed me in what I thought was the proper way - through a practical reactjs exercise. The interviewer there, Tom, ended up becoming my mentor at Logi. My team there was welcoming forsure and quirky. There was a guy named Jack Brindle who was obsessed with amateur radio... lol and only ever used apple products. Boris was by far the most interesting - Russian dude who did everything off the grid, loud as fuck, and spoke with no filter. It was like a hodge podge of personalities - someone once told me, where google and Facebook takes all the amazing tech talent with wonderful personalities, Logitech, an old tech firm, takes the leftovers. My manager Tanvi, was nice up front but I later realized she didn’t really know what she was doing because she kept people on the team who were way underperforming.

This all goes back to Tom. Tom really showed me the ropes. He showed me the different projects he was constantly building and iterating on, which provided value to the company where the management didn’t initially see. He exposed the flaws of management to me, in as much detail and unbias as possible. He chatted with me about the differences between me and him when it comes to opinions and beliefs. He taught me how to solve problems the “right way”. And not to cut corners, only to create more work for yourself later. I still have the utmost respect for him cuz he cares about the work he does, almost to a fault. I know that anywhere he goes, he’ll be successful as an engineer and I hope to work with him again someday.

That brings me to a point for a lesson I’d like to remind myself: stay in contact with good people in your life. Don’t let them always solely contact you, react out to them.

Going back to Logi, we were rebuilding a new JavaScript team and I was there during the prototyping phase so I didn’t get as much of a chance to actually code out the product. But I provided value in other ways - side projects like yarn integration, interview automation, front end docs, etc.

The story continues... where I basically get hit up by Johnny to go to this “green tech” hackathon. I wasn’t really down initially, especially when I asked mileung for his help and he wasn’t down... gg so... I ended up going, and coincidentally, Charisse misses her bus to her hackathon in sac town and so we end up telling her to just join ours. It was at Yeti LLC, home of Boris’s ex-gf Ellie’s company; fuckin small world. Charisse thinks of honesty a genius idea to make a mobile app to track sleep data and recommend cannabis strains and dosages to the user based on sleep inefficiency. We called it REMedy. Get it? Lol lo and behold, we actually end up winning... to my big surprise.

Amidst that, other than getting a bunch of weed and goodies, we get introduced to the host of the hackathon, Caliva. I was just interested as to why they chose us tbh. They seemed to be interested in my path to programming and why I enjoy it, coming from a psych background.

So... basically Caliva becomes really interested in me and I’m still at Logitech. Some hiccups here and there at Logi, with a confrontation with Boris about him calling me “not bright” and I’m weighing my options at both places. Definitely wanted to stay at Logi and try to get full time, but Caliva went all out on me. I told them I’d need my parents approval to really feel convinced of considering it. Matt, the CTO, took me up on it and offered my parents a tour of the facility. And btw, the facility is freaking amazing, unheard of. Calvin was like “what a time to be alive”, seeing my mom go into a cannabis cultivation room.

I consoled with my dad and he told me one thing. I could always go work for Logi, but there’s only a few times that you get the chance to work for hyper growth companies, and this is one of them. So, I really took his word for it and thought long and hard on this offer Caliva was giving. Made the decision thinking it was a good career move and an exciting opportunity to pursue one of my passions, wellness.

Here I am - it’s been 7 months since I first started at Caliva and it’s even been a bit of roller coaster ride here.

To be continued...

[taylorswiftreadmydiary13]

It all started with Tim McGraw

This is how many years ago y’all?

Take me back!

I was maybe 19 years old. Playing soccer at my local community college. Had just gone through my worst break up with the rudest shallow Hal ever. This guy, literally would break my chips out at chilies because “it was going to make me fat.” These were MySpace days. Everyone is just getting use to the influence social media had on your lives. Changing of your top 8, or 16. The importance of your rank on each persons profile. This ex, was my first encounter with a narcissist. His parents tried to pressure me to go to their church... where they were being told California’s money issues were the fault of the gays! Anyone with a tattoo was going to hell (As I covered my left food with my right to hide my tattoo that everyone had already seen & was glaring at) good thing my best friend was going to hell too, she could pick me up! I broke it off with him decided that I was done with boys and relationships and was going to be single for a year!

I was working for the San Jose earthquakes at the time as a blue crew girl. Focusing on soccer and school, family and friends. At work, the other girls and I were to lead the longgggg line of kids and camp coaches onto and around the field before the game. Behind us was a pack of European guys, mostly from the 🇬🇧 UK with all their amazing accents (I was insistent on not melting for them, it was so hard). About 5 of them stepped forward toward me and asked if I was single. I looked at them, smiled and rolled my eyes. My friends spoke up and admitted “she actually just broke up with her boyfriend!” I was blushing so bad...

One boy stepped forward, he looked like an hollister model. Tall, tan, handsome... a little skinnier than my taste in guys but he had a smile that was so infectious... his name was Iwan. He followed me around the entire shift. As an employee, we are there for hours before and after the game. I told him that I wasn’t looking for anything, and actually wanted to be single. He wouldn’t leave me alone insisting that he wouldn’t stop asking for my number. I remember one of the guys, Simon, saying in the best accent “you have very nice teeth and gums.” (Wtf LoL) it made me cover my mouth, Iwan stepped up and said “don’t hide your smile, you have the prettiest smile I’ve ever seen!” He gave me these bracelets he had on his arm. I eventually caved in because no one had ever worked so hard for my phone number, and because I didn’t want to get in trouble at work for having another employee from a different department shadowing me the entire game/time. I figured he’d leave me alone and I can figure it out later by either going ghost or engaging.

My friends and I are all giddy over their accents, and how fun they made that shift. They convince me to entertain it and just see where it goes. So we agree to all meet up with all of them the next week. I find out that he is staying with 2-3 other coaches with a local host family. They come here for work as coaches and stay together in hotels, coach these teams and kids and the pitch to the kids/families to “host a coach” for the season. When we get to this families house in Santa Clara... Iwan introduces me to the family... and another coach named Jimmy he was tan, hairy, and the funniest person I had ever met, & another guy named Nick he was totally opposite of Iwan and Jimmy. He was tall like them... but blonde & had the most beautiful blue eyes I had ever seen. He looked at me silently for what was awkward amount of time before he said Hi but just walked right out the door.

Everyone commented on it. Wondering why Nick didn’t have much to say, how unlike him it was. Jimmy mentioned Nick was probably going out with his stripper girlfriend. (What?!) come to find out she was really a stripper. She, like him, was 22 (older than I was) and apparently it was pretty serious. Ever since they met, nick spent all his time with her. Well... as gorgeous as he was, as beautiful as those eyes were... and as awkwardly long as our stare may have been.... I knew I was “cute,” but I was no where near confident enough to be a stripper. That was so opposite me, so my “feeling” I had about nick was turned into “I’m totally opposite of what he likes...” maybe we won’t get along.

I met a few other friends of theirs. We always hung out in groups. We went bowling. To the movies. Out to eat. Mini golfing. But mostly we just hung out and learned the differences between what we called different things. One time Sam was driving going to turn left, and he turned onto the wrong side of the road! I swore we were going to die. They’d say “merry buns...” and I’d ask if they were talking about Cinnabon... they were apparently talking about Barry bonds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ suffice it to say we spent most of the time just laughing so hard we almost peed our pants. We would always invite Nick... but he never came.

Iwan finally just decided that I was his girlfriend. I resisted. Insistent that we were friends, but no no no... I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship yet. He grabbed my hand and never let it go. I guess I had a new boyfriend. He was sweet... it was all fun. And part of me was flattered that he liked me that much. I think the most we ever did was kiss. He waited and worked so hard for that kiss too.

& then one weekend they all had to go down to LA for another MLS camp. So off they went. Iwan didn’t have his own cell phone, so we would text and talk through Nicks when Nick was home. I can’t remember if nick went on that trip or not, but I remember getting a text from him saying that Iwan and Jimmy got fired and were being sent back home. I had no way of getting in touch with him, to this day we still never officially broke up 😂 it wasn’t that serious. But I remember thinking “I now have a boyfriend on the other side of the world... with no way of breaking up with him... I’m offially a player from this moment on!” I thanked nick for letting me know and apologized for ever making him feel awkward.

He asked what I meant... well, every time we ALL went out, he always said no. He never ever wanted to hang out with them whenever I was around. On top of that, my self proclaimed boyfriend used his phone to talk to me, that couldn’t have been comfortable. He replied “I never hung out with you because I didn’t want to talk to you.” Damn. So it was me. Harsh Nick, harsh. So I apologized again and said “have a great life.” Like, wtf am I suppose to say to that? Then my phone goes off again and he asks if I want to go watch a game together? Wtf!!!! So I call him... bc wtf sort of message are you sending rn?! He tells me “I liked you, I didn’t want to see you talking to anyone else, so I stayed away. Let’s go grab some lunch and we will just watch the game.”

It was weird. It was spur of the moment. It was everything in the world pushing and pointing me to yes. So I went. Picked him up. We went to a local pub to watch the Man U game. We sat and talked. I don’t even remember what we said... but it felt like a movie. We just got along, as friends. I asked about his stripper gf. He said “she wasn’t my gf, she wanted to be. But with you coming and taking all my friends out with yours who else was I suppose to hang out with? She was cool, but she’s just a friend.” Mmmmhmmm

The group of his friends, and mine dwindled down to just he and I hanging out. We didn’t do anything but enjoy each other’s company. I remember playing soccer 1v1 with him for hours. Laughing so hard that I had to lay down and keep my arms above my head just to catch my breath. He made me laugh like no one else ever had. We were friends. I wanted to make him feel more at home, so I played spice girls and the Beatles every time he got in my car. I remember he said “we don’t have to listen to British singers... let’s listen to your favorites!” I had just got my hands on Tim McGraw’s Live Like You Were Dying Album.

Every now and again, you get your hands on an album that just changes you. It consumes you. And you put it on repeat day in and out for entirely way too long. That was this album for me. So... Nick, meet Mr. Tim McGraw! My favorite song: can’t tell me nothing. We spent the entire spring together, playing and watching soccer, listening to Tim. I decided to take him to a party with my teammates & some other athletes from our college. He went to get me a drink, and somewhere between us walking in and the drink a group of girls heard him and his accent talk. He was cornered and surrounded by all these gorgeous flirtatious girls. And out of nowhere, I felt it burning from the pit of my stomach up to the top of my head. I was jealous!!! I knew I had liked him from the very first time our eyes locked. But I also doubted he would ever like me 1) I’m not stripper confident. 2) I’m young... he was 22. I was just 19. He couldn’t take me to any of the bars or anything. But here I was feeling like he was mine, when he wasn’t. So I went up to him with both drinks in hand (one for me) grabbed it from it and walked away to the group of guys I knew from soccer. Not intentionally to make him jealous, but because they were the closest people to me that I actually knew and I needed to feel like I wasn’t there alone in that moment in time. I don’t know where the girls were, outside I think.

Next thing I know Nick is interjecting himself into the conversation and telling them that I was there with him so they should stop flirting. 😲 fucking speechless!! excuse me... but weren’t you just backed into the corner surrounded and flirting with girls who were saying “isn’t his accent just the cutest?” And “are you single?” To which he said he was! I don’t think so! So we went outside to hash this shit out bc who the hell do you think you are?! I didn’t want to admit that I was jealous. I didn’t want to admit that I even had feelings. I basically put him in his place and said we are here as friends, you don’t get to do that or act that way with me when you’re single. I marched back inside and tried to push it all out of my mind. As soon as he walked back inside, he was surrounded by girls, being nice to them and answering questions. But he kept his eyes on me the entire time. It was making me incredibly uncomfortable in every way possible. So I decided it was time to go. Because I drove him there, I offered to take him home right then or said he could get a ride from one of them. The line of eager girls offering themselves up as taxi tribute was long... but he said goodbye and went with me.

I remember being drama drama drama and putting on wanna be 😂 because I’m a brat like that. Just blasting it so loud that all he could do was laugh the drive back to his house. I remember pulling up to his house and just being over it. I was so jealous but I wouldn’t and couldn’t even admit it to myself. I just wanted him to go. But he stayed, and talked. He accused me of being jealous but could see my stubbornness. So instead he said he wanted to show me something. He made me promise I wouldn’t leave. He said he wouldn’t get out of my car unless I swore. So I did. Intrigued as to what was so important that couldn’t wait. He ran inside and ran back out carrying a cd case. He wanted to talk about each and every cd in that case. Every song. I don’t know that he even had anything important to say about any of them... he just kept talking. Rambling.

He was slowly breaking down my wall. He was breaking down my anger. That was his entire motive the entire time. It was almost 3 am at this point. We had pulled up at 1230! I told him that I should go, but he said he wanted to show me something else. He asked me to go inside. He said we would be looking at pictures, but we had to be quiet bc of the family and his roommates. I was hesitant, but he promised he wanted to show me his family. So... off we went. He pulled out a picture album. I thought he said the pictures were online. He could’ve brought these pictures out. But we sat there together, on that oversized couch looking at pictures of his mum & dad, his gran, & I listened. Looking at every picture. Just hearing him tell me all about his life back home. Then he turned on the computer to show me more. By time time it was after 4 and the sun was going to be coming up soon! I did not want to be doing that awkward “walk of shame” out in front of everyone when we literally didn’t do anything. So I begged him to walk me out. He jumped back in my car.

What are you doing?! I asked. “I don’t want you to go. I don’t want us to end like this. I’m sorry, I’m sorry I got so jealous when I saw all those guys talking to you. I shouldn’t have said you were there with me, but then tell those girls I was single. I know you’re mad at me, I just can’t lose you. I’ve never had a better friend, & I can’t let you leave and it never be the same between us. The truth is... is I was jealous. I do like you, more than a friend. I don’t know if you feel the same way, but I think you do. I think you were jealous too... I love you. I’ve known it from the first time you came to the house with Iwan. From the moment I ever laid my eyes on you. You were mine. I just didn’t know if you felt the same way. But tonight we were both jealous. And I don’t want to waste any more time that I have here with anyone other than you.” He leaned in and kissed me

I can still feel him lean in and kiss me when I think about it. The intensity of the truth spilling out of his mouth, almost like he couldn’t control it. The sun was rising and we decided to go to McDonald’s on Stevens creek to get breakfast, we cuddled while we ate. It’s been almost 16 years and every time a I drive by that McDonald’s I still think of him.

We were inseparable all summer long. Doing all the same things we did before, only now it was accompanied with hand holding, cuddles, hugs that lasted forever, and the sweetest kisses. Listening to music out by the lake on CD players... dancing in the moonlite. Laying for hours just resting my head on his chest.

I knew he was flying back home the day after thanksgiving. We spent every single day together, every moment just living in love. We didnt do anything more than hugging and kissing until that last night. It was all life changing. Honestly, the very first love of my life was this man name Nick Day. And that last night, that last moment together, we got out of my car and just laughed and held each other. He looked at me and said “I’m going to come back for you. Idk when. I don’t care if you have a boyfriend, or engaged, I’m going to come back to your parents house and steal you back and love you for the rest of my life. I’m going to come back for you, and I’m never going to let you go.” I remember the stars that night, I’m not lying when he said my eyes shined brighter than them, and that was one of the things he loved most about me. We had our last kiss. I believed him... he’d be back.

Wikipedia says Tim McGraw was released in 2006 by Taylor and BMR but I swear it was 2005 when I first heard it on the radio 95.3 KRTY. The very first time I heard this song, was way before it was a hit on the radio. They would release 3-5 new songs during a lunch hour every week and everyone would vote on which would be the biggest hit. From the second I heard it, TEARS were streaming down my face. I felt like this girl singing had read my diary & ripped the page out, wrote my life story with Nick, changed my eye color to blue... & released it to radio. I was driving over the dumbaron bridge, just in ugly crying hysterics. I remember speeding home to add this song to my myspace and to look up this girl named Taylor Swift. She was younger than I was... and all I could do after that was message her on MySpace and just thank her for writing this song and telling her all about the first love of my life name Nick. To my surprise she replied back to me! We eventually became pen pals on MySpace and talked frequently enough that anytime she came to San Jose or the Bay Area on a radio tour, I’d get to see her. Never for very long... but oh how she felt like one of my best friends. Our last phone call was nick reminding me how I had introduced him to Tim McGraw and how he said anytime he hears him or spice girls or the Beatles how he would forever think of me.

I remember it like it was yesterday, the lady who’s still on it (who drives me insane) said that it was a sweet song... but that she didn’t think Taylor was going to be a big hit. I was so angry with this lady, this is when I decided she wasn’t just annoying, I hated her. Instant Taylor Swift Fan and I was going to fight this Julie lady on the radio. I called in and literally told her she was wrong and that Taylor was going to be huge, mark my words I swore.

Slowly, (like literal years) my faith in him faded. Our song slowly started to sound more and more like strawberry wine by Deana Carter. But I waited and waited. He did however, see and hear that song called Tim McGraw on my MySpace page and called me to ask if I had written it. He said it was def our song. That he does think about me and still promised to find a way to come back one day. Facebook came. He had a new girlfriend, & my God was she gorgeous. She was tall, skinny, blonde, just beautiful. It killed me, even after all those years. But he was happy. So I was happy for him. The thought of him still to this day puts a smile on my face.

Flash forward 11 years. It was 2016. I had just had my second baby, a boy, just two weeks old. I was still healing from my csection and in pain, and my phone buzzes. It’s a DM on my Twitter (which I don’t & hadn’t used in years). From a Nick, asking me if it was me and if I remembered him. We exchanged a few messages before he asks for my #. Before I even have a second to think my phone is ringing. It’s him. He’s calling me from somewhere in Asia where he teaches English. He’s still with that gorgeous girl (7 years) but he was in a bar with friends and in walked an American wearing a Taylor Swift shirt and it reminded him of me and Tim McGraw. So he tried to find me... on Facebook, on MySpace (where he’s still my #1 friend) but that there was no contact information. So he was glad I answered Twitter when I did. He asked about me and my life. I told him that I had kids, one a new born. He asked when I got married (I hadn’t), and I asked why he wasn’t engaged or married yet. He said he wasn’t sure if she was the one or not but that she was constantly dropping hints for him to take it to that next level. 11 years.... he still thinks of me when he hears Tim McGraw or Taylor Swift. 💜

Coincidence that Taylor’s hidden message in Tim McGraw lyrics is cant tell me nothing? I think not.

Oh & my favorite/lucky # is 13 too. I wasn’t born on 13, but when put together it looks like a B

So thank you @taylorswift for putting words to songs and making my first ever soundtrack to my life.

💜 Brandie

[propshophannah]

Hi, so I’m not super sure what I’m trying to say but I’m feeling down abt some manorian posts I saw. It’s prob really dumb but I get like upset/sad when blogs I like a lot love everything SJM but then say they’re anti one of her ships. I’ve criticized SJM’s writing & there r ships I don’t particularly like...but I’d never say I was anti one of her ships? Idk. Maybe I’m just confused/sad abt why ppl who love SJM choose that word when it carries a lot of baggage in fandoms. idk. I was just 1/2

feeling kinda sad about it. I also saw ppl I respect a lot saying manorian isn’t a ship cuz they don’t say I love you/show PDA/only have sex. I was just…really hurt by that? It felt like they were saying ppl had to act a certain way for their feelings or relationships to be valid. I don’t think they meant to be offensive(?) they just didn’t realize they were marginalizing a lot of ppl & cultures that show affection differently. idk. It made me really sad & I’m not sure what to do. 2/2

—

Hi Nonnie, I’m sorry it took me so long to get to this ask and I’m sorry you’re feeling sad and confused. I want you to know that what you’ve brought up here is not dumb. Your feelings are valid and important! I’ll try to address your ask as best I can.

About fandom use of the term anti.

You are not alone in finding this odd or discouraging. I’ve seen stuff like this from time to time on “pro” blogs and found myself thinking the same exact thing. I’ve had a lot of conversations with people about it, too. It does seem like there could be a better way to phrase ship criticism or dislike of something other than to use the word anti because you’re right, it does carry a lot of baggage.

To play the devil’s advocate, I think it’s really important to remember that context is key. Just because a fandom blog you love says they’re “anti” something doesn’t mean they’re using the term in the same way Official Anti Blogs use it. (As I write this, I’m wondering if I’ve ever used it to express dislike, not realizing how it could come across!) It could be a joke you’re not in on, or phrasing used because the blogger was rage posting (we’ve all been there) and that was the phrase that validated their feelings in that moment, or it could be that they used that phrase without thinking about how it might come off to their followers.

Have you tried asking the blogger about it? Maybe just send a quick note about how it made you feel. They might not realize how it comes off. This could give you an opportunity to feel as though you’ve been heard and it would allow the blogger the opportunity to explain why they chose that phrase. I think you should ask them, Nonnie! Just because there are a lot of reasons someone might choose that phrase that don’t necessarily mean they are against SJM, or only pro the things they like about her writing and against everything else.

Now that’s not to say that a blog can’t be pro SJM and still be anti something about her books or (as you said) criticize her work. And if that’s the phrase they choose to use then there isn’t much we can do about it. We can’t change other people, but we can change ourselves. So maybe, you don’t follow that blog anymore, or you remind yourself that they’re still a great blog, but one you disagree with on word choice and topics.

About PDA and relationship validation.

I actually love that you brought this up because this is a conversation I’ve been having a LOT lately. There have been a handful of posts or comments on posts lately where things like PDA etc. were used to lessen or invalidate Manon and Dorian’s relationship and it just left an icky feeling with a lot of people.

I should be VERY clear here. I DO NOT think the people who use PDA as an argument for invalidating a ship realize they’re marginalizing people, or are being offensive when they do this. I think it’s more that they’ve just never been in a position where they were asked to think about it that way. The normative category is by definition ignorant of itself, right? Like, even I had a hard time figuring out why some of these arguments left a bad taste in my mouth, and it wasn’t until after I’d talked to a few people that I was able to really figure it out.

But you’re right! Not everyone expresses affection by exhibiting normative displays of romantic love (such as hand holding, cuddling, kissing etc.). Some people aren’t capable of those things, don’t like those things, or they just choose to express affection differently (maybe by validating someone’s feelings, keeping them safe, being present, providing for them in small ways like making dinner or folding their person’s laundry etc.).

And I think the best/most relevant point you make, is that some people don’t come from cultures that normalize PDA. Western cultures show affection VERY differently than Eastern cultures.

Recently I watched a CNN special on Japan that talked a lot about this idea of “sexlessness” and how culturally the Japanese don’t show a lot of affection, specifically touch affection (hugs, kisses, hand holding after marriage etc.). It was fascinating and I’d argue that the idea of cultural differences TOTALLY APPLIES to the Ironteeth in ToG. We don’t know a lot about their culture, but we do know that affection in any form is frowned upon and discouraged. So if we consider how Manon grew up thinking she was incapable of love/displaying loving or kind emotions (and subsequently beaten/abused for displayed them) it’s not hard at all to see how it would take her a lot of time (and deprogramming) to be able to show and express those kinds of emotions.

This is her ENTIRE character arc, right? From the very moment she appeared on page, she told us how heartless she was, while simultaneously showing us how heartless she was not. (I mean, helloOoOo Abraxos!) Her first “I love you” always belonged to him. But she didn’t need to say it for us to know she loved him. It was there the whole time in her actions. Same with the Thirteen. Manon loved them dearly. They were her sisters, her family. And just because she never told them “I love you” doesn’t mean she didn’t love them. I have plenty of friends whom I love very deeply who I’ve never said I love you to. I likewise have lots of friends who I have said it to. Also, it’s easier to tell a pet/animal that we love them rather than risk saying it to a person, right? Animals aren’t going to judge or reject you—or even verbally respond. Therefore, it’s a low risk endeavor. (Not to say I think this is the only reason she said it to Abraxos!)

My partner and I are not into PDA. At all. Sometimes, if we’re in a group of close friends or family I may be more into showing touch affection, but usually we save those moments for private. There have been MANY times when we’ve been out and people have hit on my partner because they honestly don’t know we’re together. And I don’t get mad/jealous or physically stake a claim or anything when this happens. I let my partner handle it. We just aren’t into sharing our intimate moments with other people. It’s for us only.

So I totally understand how an argument based on PDA can be really hurtful or potentially offensive. Especially when the argument ignores the great moments of communication we get with manorian. As if communication is less important to relationships than PDA…

I also see nothing wrong with casual sex, though I don’t see manorian as having had casual sex (even before the “stay” scene where they clearly did more than just sex). I think they both talk a big game about how the sex didn’t mean anything, but if that were true then why wouldn’t Dorian pursue Vesta? Why would the idea of Dorian with another person make Manon jealous? I feel like they both wanted to pretend like The Sex didn’t mean anything, but I read two people, who weren’t able to verbalize their feelings for one another, finding a shared safe space that was free of responsibilities and the horrors of war where they could be with one another and express their feelings the only way they could at that moment in time. (Which is another reason the “stay” scene stands out.)

TL;DR

A good friend of mine is not monogamous at all. She’s in a relationship with a married man (who’s in an open relationship with his wife). They’re bf and gf and she tells me how they say I love you to one another, take trips together, have AMAZING sex, he writes her the most beautiful love letters, they go on dates—they do EVERYTHING couples do. Except he’s married and they’re both sleeping with other people.

And sometimes it’s HARD for me to figure out where to put this in my brain because I grew up with a specific set of parameters that defined what a relationship was supposed to look like. Sometimes I get confused about how he also loves his wife, sometimes I get confused about how my friend knows their relationship is real. Like it’s hard because it challenges societal expectations of what relationships look like.

I think that happens sometimes with ships in books—or with anything in life that we don’t understand. When something is different than what we expect or are used to, it can kind of…blind us to what’s there. If it still bothers you, Nonnie, you could try explaining your side to these people and start a dialogue? It might actually be really helpful for you and them! Give it a try and let me know!

[wendip-week]

Wendip Bits from the GF Complete Series Commentary/Lost Legends Comic

Hey all!  @ddp456 here!

So, in between helping Kenzoe64 with the last few pages of the Protector comic and working on chapters of DBR3 (yes, I swear it’s still coming) I’ve had a bit of a secret project I’ve been working on (and to be honest, I’m kinda surprised no one else beat me to it)

Over the last few months, I’ve had a chance to rewatch Gravity Falls through the newly released Complete Series Blu Ray set, and for this, listened to every commentary created for each episode, as well as those made for the special features disc (which forgive me if I’m wrong, but was for the BD set, right?).

While the tracks give a HUGE insight on all things GF, it also unveils the curtain on many things Wendy and Dipper related; some things I guessed correctly from the very beginning (see my personal notes for bragging rights), and some, well, that kinda shocked me, and left me uncertain about a few details.  But I’m getting ahead of myself.

As you can guess, think of this as a dissection of the commentaries given, focusing on our favorite duo from the series, and afterwards, I’ll include a few questions of my own.  Fair enough?  Let’s get started:

(Tidbits in the first few episodes)

-Alex Hirsch states that Dipper’s crush on Wendy was always meant to be a big part of the series.

-Hirsch wanted to drop Wendip hints in the first episode (Tourist Trapped), but Rob Renzetti (Supervising producer director, creator of My Life As a Teenage Robot) talked him out of it, saying that he was doing it way too soon.

-The age difference between Dipper and Wendy was the very first conflict that came to mind in the writer’s room, so therefore, it was used.

-The persona of Wendy herself was crafted like that of a “cool camp counselor” so that she could do cool adult stuff, and be able to do “kid stuff” as well without being out of place.

(The Inconveniencing)

-The Cold Open for Episode 5 (Roof Time!) was created at the last minute because the writers realizes that the Wendy/Dipper connection really wasn’t justified.  The roof sequence was to make not only Dipper fall in love with Wendy, but the audience as well.  (D’aww!  - Editor’s note)

-At the end of the episode, the second “Zipped Lips” motion between Wendy and Dipper symbolized many things.  It shows that Dipper (despite lying) is accepted by Wendy into her social circle, and given her friendship.  Her lying to the other teens is just as important, as she does so without Dipper asking her to.  This was done to make Wendy as real as humanly possible, showing that she is just as cool as Dipper (and we as an audience) make her out to be.

-Hirsch often laments on the fact that they didn’t do a full “Wendy-themed” episode.  He explains that the point of many episodes is that a said character “learns a sin” and they were afraid to do so with Wendy, in fears that it would ruin her chemistry.  (more on this later - Editor’s note)

-They foreshadow the conflict over Robbie and Dipper (involving Wendy) and recognizes that things weren’t always realistic (e.g. how Dipper can beat up the Multi-Bear, but how he was deathly afraid of Robbie).  Hirsch’s reasoning is that the audience seems forgiving with such exaggeration as long as everyone appeared to stay in character ( again, more on this later - Editor’s note)

(Double Dipper)

-Originally, Double Dipper had nothing to do with Wendy (GASP! - Editor’s note)  The original premise was about Mabel trying to set up a party so she could mingle with the citizens of Gravity Falls, and make new friends, and Dipper, being the anti-social opposite of her, tries to prevent this at every turn, only to fail.  It was only when at the last moment, someone suggested to have Dipper’s story be about Wendy.

-During the slow dance scene, the animators specific added a shot of Wendy from Dipper’s POV so that we (the audience) could understand and feel the same anxiety that he did at that moment.

-At the dance of the episode, Hirsch and the rest of the crew theorize about what happens when Dipper goes back inside the Shack at the end of the night.  He specifically asked, “Do you guys think he asks Wendy to dance?”  The rest of the crew disagree, saying they can picture Dipper trying to dance on his own, and Wendy cheering him on, sprinkling confetti on him from afar like in the beginning of the episode. 

(Cute, but what about this? 

is it non-canon, now?  Did the commentary happen before the real Journal 3 was written?  Or is it presumed that Dipper lied in the journal?  What the fuck?  - Editor’s note)

(Irrational Treasure)

-Going off on a tangent, Hirsch describes Dipper’s crush on Wendy as “creepy” and “over-the-top.”  He details that it’s Dipper’s seriousness that leads to misfortune, and for that, he takes a lot of lumps. 

-The Zodiac is mentioned here, and the writers explain that the Ice wasn’t always related to Wendy.  The symbol was random.

-And as a cute sidenote, the “binkies” that the Pines twins have at the back of their heads were taken from the same ones that the Mario Bros. have.

(Time Traveler’s Pig)

-Alex Hirsch goes hard on Dipper here.  He explains that Dipper has a very naive, yet forgivable, but wrong idea about romance.

-He feels that Dipper would die a thousands deaths to have Wendy feel the same way about him.

-Dipper is desperate to have this perfect moment, this perfect day with Wendy, because he believes that he’s not perfect on his own (told ya’ all! - Editior’s note)

-Hirsch says because of this, Dipper doesn’t deserve to get what he wants.  This idea of how the world works shouldn’t be rewarded.

-He adds that creating the lessons above was the hardest part of writing the episode.

(Fight Fighters)

-Hirsch knew that the “crush” angle was getting old, but he loved the story presented here.  He says that “Dipper’s heart was in the right place” when defending Wendy against Robbie.  (again, take that, internet!  - Editor’s note)

-Hirsch was blown away by the internet’s response to the episode, shocked to see how many people have had a negative reaction to it.  At this point, Jason Ritter (voice of Dipper) responses, “What?!  Love doesn’t die, guys!

-Alex goes into how he doesn’t care for “shipping,” that the “Wendy/Dipper” stories come from need for conflict, but not from character relationships.  With Wendy involved, Dipper is motivated, desperate, and will do the most insane things.

-He agrees with internet that the crush wasn’t really going anywhere, but he loved the W&D scripts that kept coming in.

-Robbie’s calling out Wendy like a dog (C’mon, out, girl!) was ad-libbed by TJ Miller.

-Hirsch believes that if left alone, Robbie would have never fought Dipper.  He was jealous that his girlfriend was going off on all these weird adventures with this kid.  (Wait, so there are untold Wendy/Dipper adventures out there?!  - Editor’s note)

-The height difference between Wendy and Dipper literally comes from Alex’s real life (and his twin, Ariel, was taller, like Mabel), where he was the smallest kid in class, and his science partner in school was regular sized, and also, his secret crush.

(The Deep End)

-The episode was always meant to be a non-serious, low-stakes piece.  Dipper’s having a good time with Wendy was not meant as romantic, but as friends.

-Wendy was originally meant to have a two piece bikini, but the network made them change it (So, wait, it wasn’t a homage to the Sandlot’s Lifeguard Wendy? - Editor’s note)

(Boyz Crazy)

-Hirsch regrets not clarifying the Robbie/Wendy/Dipper portion at the end.

-He insists that the hidden message in the song was mere coincidence.  Wendy was not hypnotized. 

-He sees the situation as follows:  Dipper is jealous that Wendy is into Robbie’s music.  For this, Dipper figures there has to be a sinister reason for this. 

-Robbie definitely stole the music, but didn’t know that the message was there.  Hirsch says as a child, he was personally fascinated by rock bands having hidden messages in their records.

-At this point in the commentary, Ariel Hirsch chips in, saying that in the end, “Dipper wasn’t thinking about Wendy.”  Jason Ritter (Dipper himself) agrees, “He’s only thinking about calling out Robbie.”    (told ya’ all x3.  - Editor’s note)

-Alex Hirsch’s quote about the hidden message: “Backward messages can’t control people’s behavior because you can’t understand them!”

-His notes on Stan and Dipper bonding in this episode: “Both would rather believe that there is a huge conspiracy rather than they’re bad with women.”

(Land Before Swine)

-Hirsch says as side-notes that Wendy had a running bet with Grunkle Stan about who would eat the corn-unicorn first (he didn’t bet on Waddles).  Also, he says that Ford has a fear of women because after a bad experience involving someone being freaked out by his six-fingers.

(Gideon Rises)

-Hirsch admits that Gideon’s speech to Dipper is bullcrap.  Dipper has beaten plenty without the aid of the Journal 3, but his insecurities make him believe otherwise.

(Scary-oke)

-Wendy has two cut scenes that are shown in the Special Features disc.  At the beginning of the episodes, she (along with Soos) is interview by the news and she is chided for using the word “Jerkface” on live TV.  She then goes into a huge rant about her “freedom of speech.”  The second shows that Wendy was given the blow-horn by Mabel to be the official hype person of Scary-oke.

(Into the Bunker)

-ITB won an Annie award?!  (Didn’t know that - Editor’s note)

-Hirsch wanted to keep the Dipper/Wendy crush going, but could see that the audience was getting tired of it.  The writers decided to have Wendy become a member of the team and go on adventures, choosing to have Dipper deal with heartbreak sooner than later.

-It was considered to be the third priority for the second season.  (Reveal Author, Revisit Switch in the Woods, and Kill the Crush)

-Speaking of, the Bunker’s staircase was taken from the video game classic, Myst

-The script for “Into the Bunker,” was given to Matt Chapman (of “Homestar Runner”/Strong Bad fame), because all of his GF scripts happen to have heartbreak in them, earning him the nickname, “Shipwrecker.”

-Wendy and Dipper’s movie night/Cold Opening was the very last thing to be added to the episode.  They needed something to tie Dipper’s investment to both the adventure at hand, and the Wendy crush

-In this, Dipper’s confidence grows by defeating Gideon, and when Wendy says she doesn’t need guys, it brings him to turmoil by the impossible and hopeless.

-The symbol room was originally the “Gonna Die” room.

-This episode is in Alex Hirsch’s top 5 GF episodes, because of its darker tone.

-He details:  there are so many good moments in this episode where Dipper is suffering at the hands of this girl that’s so much cooler and so much beyond what he could even understand.

-The GF team knew that this had to be a stand-out episode for Wendy.  We had to spend a lot of time with her, showing that she could hold her own and make a valuable addition to the Mystery Crew.  Hirsch regrets not doing that more.  For this, every time Wendy is added to the team, she’s awesome.

-The most amount of takes in the entire series was the “Dipper crying over dead Wendy” scene.  Hirsch explains that it was a hard thing to sell, and a really vulnerable moment.

-ITB’s ending was one of the hardest endings to write.  The commentary says they rewrote it 5 times to get it right.

-An idea used was “Love is temporary, but friendship is real love?”  (Hell, that’s what I use about 90% of the time - Editor’s note)

-The line “Don’t be itchy.” was added super late to the script.  The team tried to avoid as many cliches as possible.

-The first time the Wendy/Dipper confession scene was watched in animatics, Hirsch and crew felt that it was “too romantic,” like a romcom.

-In the Special Features disc, we see a sneak peak of the deleted scene.  In this, Dipper goes in on a rant of despair, pledging to Wendy that he’ll try to avoid the Gift Shop from now on, and that she’ll never have to talk to him again, before she stops him and tries to calm him (Dude, Dude, it’s okay...)  (Poor baby... - Editor’s note)

-The scene was meant to reflect Alex’s own puberty, which wasn’t romantic, but nightmarish. 

-”It’s meant to be terrifying for Dipper.  His heart is in his throat as he has to have this talk with Wendy.  He’s frozen, waiting for it to pass, and Wendy can see this pain, and she’s doing everything she can to show him, “Nothing’s different.  Everything’s normal.  You’re normal.  These feelings are normal.  I’m a couple years older than you, and I’ve seen this.  I’ve been around the block.  We all go through it.  You’re going to be okay.”

(Kinda wish they went this route instead of the whole “age” thing.  It’s beautiful - Editor’s note)

-It couldn’t be a “will they/won’t they” situation.  The real question was “will they be friends after this?”

-The writers could see a very legitimate path where Wendy is like, “Dude. you’re creeping me out.  Maybe we should take a little time from each other because this is not healthy, etc.”  The fact that she was so beautiful and cool and treats Dipper so well shows that she IS the awesome kind of person that Dipper thinks she is.

(The Golf War)

-A quick note about Dipper and relationships.  Dipper’s normal social fear melts away when he’s around someone he hates so much.�� Someone like Pacifica brings out pure sass and rage.   (HA! - Editor’s note)

(Little Gift Shop of Horrors)

-There was a possible story being tossed around where Wendy gets a tattoo and gradually, it overtakes her/she becomes the tattoo herself.  Alex Hirsch loved the idea of a living tattoo, stating that it’d fit with Wendy’s rebellious teen nature, and that she’d learn a lesson at the end of it.

-The writers passed, saying that Wendy is very hard to write for.  When we see her, she’s cool and controlled, and for a short story concept, finding that depth to make it valuable would be difficult.  Plus, they didn’t want to be compared to Moana (or the fact it’s almost exactly like a Goosebumps story? - Editor’s note)

(Society of the Blind Eye)

-Hirsch and the writers loved the Wendy/Mabel scene because there’s not many of them throughout the series.  To them, it was great to show Wendy as the “cool, older sister.”  Hirsch dug Wendy’s complete disregard of boys.  “Don’t worry about them.  Yeah, whatever, they’re a dime a dozen. I’ve had so many boyfriends...”

-The writers discuss what kind of man Wendy would end up with.  “He’d have to be something - some kind of specimen.  She’s so confident and having a good time, comfortable in her own skin; if a guy’s cool, she’ll be “Yeah, I’ll try it out,” and when she’s bored, “Yeah, no thanks,” leaving a bottomless scar inside their heart,” going on to cite Robbie as example.

-Alex Hirsch added the line about Wendy’s being stressed 24/7.  It’s obviously not what she shows the world, and yet, it shows how you can vaguely see it there.  (Tell me about it - Editor’s note)

(Blendin’s Game)

-Alex Hirsch’s view on family:  “Friendship is thicker than water, and family’s something you can create.”

-Hirsch’s further thoughts on shipping:  He tells the writers that it’s meaningless.  He rather ask if they have a compelling story instead.  He doesn’t care about love, saying “Love isn’t the end - it’s a story turn.”

-A member of the writing cast was going to comment on the baby Wendy and Tambry scene, when she was interrupted, and the point is never bought up again.   (Dammit! - Editor’s note)

(Dungeons, Dungeons & More Dungeons)

-Hirsch debated about having a scene where Dipper reveals his real name to Ford.  The consensus said no.  The same happened for “Dipper and Mabel Vs. the Future.”

(The Last Mabelcorn)

-Originally, the episode was going to be a Wendy-eccentric episode involving her family and her relationship with Manly Dan.  On top of that, she was going to gain magical weather powers as well.  The team decided against it, not wanting to be compared to the movie, Frozen, as well finding it hard to balance considering Wendy’s grounded character.

For this, they made it up to her by having Wendy (and her influence) take over the episode after the first third.

(Roadside Attraction)

-The Special Features disc shows an alternate opening that doesn’t showcase a Dipper/Wendy angle at all.  Dipper asks a group of ladies to borrow a quarter and instead, gets beaten up for it.  Mabel and the gang figure from this that Dipper needs help talking to women.

-The whole point of the episode (to Hirsch) is that Dipper gets advice from Stan when Dipper is only trying to move on, while Stan has no idea what he’s doing, stating he is not a role model by any means.  The lesson is not to present false affections and learn to hear other people’s feelings.  “Stan lives alone for a reason!”

(Dipper & Mabel Vs. the Future)

-The Mabel/Wendy scene was created so that if someone as cool as Wendy doesn’t like High School, it immediately changes Mabel’s perspective on the matter.

-One of the Government agents were originally going to offer Dipper an apprenticeship/”advanced learning path,” in due to all of his discoveries and research.

-Hirsch figures that Ford’s speech towards Dipper is similar if not the same that he gave to McGucket.  Ford takes advantage of hero worship - it’s not so much as he needs an apprentice, rather to have someone that’ll do anything he says.  (So where are those people that says Ford doesn’t have a mean streak in him? - Editor’s note)

-Upon Dipper rescuing Ford, Jason Ritter laments on commentary, “If only Wendy could have seen that moment...” to which the room explodes with laughter.

(Weirdmageddon Part 1)

-Hirsch explains: “Wendy is the most grounded character in the series, so in this ungrounded scenario, she is able to make the most of it.  She can handle just about anything.”

-Wendy’s speech to Dipper was struggled with for a while.  It had to be a speech not about Dipper’s self-confidence, but about how he needed Mabel back (which the writers says there’s truth in)

-The live action Wendy and Dipper scene (with Jason Ritter and Linda Cardellini) had lines cut from the final version (Son-of-a-...  Editor’s Note)

-The Gideon/Dipper speech represents the full completion of Dipper’s Wendy arc.  It’s a real-life lesson that Hirsch says many people in real life still don’t get.

(Weirdmageddon 2: Escape from Reality)

-A deleted scene in the Special Features disc expands on the beach scene, where Mabel zaps Dipper, Wendy, and Soos’s ruined clothing into gaudy swimwear (though Wendy has a cute flower in her hair ala Hawaiian).  They go to the beach and Wendy begins to admire the hunky volleyball players, leading to a jealous Dipper.

-Alex Hirsch explains that the fantasies offered in Mabelland aren’t fantasies, they’re easier outs.  Wendy’s is teen rebellion rather than facing reality.  Soos’s is the dad he always wanted.

-With Dipper, what was originally going to be behind the door was Ford and the offer of the apprenticeship.  They would go off on adventures and discoveries, only to stumble upon a now-alone Mabel, growing up in High School, and having a real life.  Hirsch axed the idea, believing that Mabelland, and by extension, Bill Cipher, wouldn’t show the downside of any fantasy, rather Dipper would have to discover it himself.  For this, the writers had to go back to “the Wendy Well.”   (Special note: we at @wendip-week have to use the phrase, “Wendy Well” more often - Editor’s note)

-Earlier versions of the episodes had different “Wendy wants,” including one where we find her writing deep poetry.  The writers go on about her fantasy, saying that it couldn’t be a “perfect guy,” because she’s self-realized.  But at the same time,  they admit that Wendy “exhibits destructive character flaws that she has to get over.”  They add, “She really loves that aimless teen rebellion, that it’s hard to turn down all that chaos.”   (So, why the hell didn’t they make an episode about that?!  And I wanna see Poet Wendy ASAP! - Editor’s note)

(Weirdmageddon 3: Take Back The Falls)

-Alex Hirsch:  “Gravity Falls was always meant to have a bittersweet feeling to it.”

-Weirdmageddon was about giving everyone a hero moment.  Part 1 was Wendy and Dipper’s.  Part 2 was Mabel, and the Mystery team as a whole.  Part 3 was the Stan twins and the town united.

-Jason Ritter marvels at the Wendy and Rumble sequence, noting how all the other characters are fighting  with machines, and yet Wendy is going at it bare-handed.

-Weirdmageddon was approved to be a made-for-TV movie, but Disney demanded another 3 episodes for regular air.  The team declined.

-There was never an official plan for the Zodiac.  It was something the team made as a tease, but after seeing fan response, they knew they had to do something with it.  Linking Wendy with the bag was a last minute decision simply because of the scenes involving her and ice throughout the series.

-A quick note about the original quote of the Llama, versus the final one given by Larry King, “Llamas are dumb, blonde, beautiful, and they spit!”   (BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! - Editor’s note)

-Hirsch is a big believer in visual aid.  The Pines twins changed on the inside, and he wanted something to show that on the outside as well.  Mabel got to keep Waddles, and for that, Dipper received Wendy’s hat, as a symbol of their friendship.

-Rewatching the scene, Jason Ritter says that he believes Dipper never takes off Wendy’s hat, and is too shy to tell anyone its origins.  (”When people ask him, he’s like “Don’t you worry about that...”)

-Alex Hirsch says the switching hats idea came from a storyboarder’s sketch, in which he said, “That feels right.”  (Uh-huh.  Just a sketch... - Editor’s note)

The Wendy’s note scene was meant to be ambiguous about two things.  The first being “Mystery.”  It gave Dipper one last question to ponder in his head.  (Had to do one last tease, eh?  Editor’s note)

-The second was “Endings.”   “Did something just die here?  Are all these things we love really gone?”  HIrsch says not quite.  “Endings are new beginnings.”

A few neat points of interest (non Wendip related)

-Jason Ritter is a HUGE gaming fan, where he was able to name almost all the references in “Fight Fighters.”  He also played and completed the Gravity Falls 3DS game twice (where Alex Hirsch admits he never has...)

-Hidden in the Double Dipper episode, there is a secret commentary track, where Jason swoons over Wendy for part of the episode, only to be interrupted by his clones (including one that had to camp out for “The Legend of Zelda - Breath of the Wild)

And lastly, I want to address the new comic, Lost Legends.  While it didn’t have a hint of Wendip in it:

(sorry, fam, Wendy making a crack about Dipper wearing a skirt doesn’t cut it for me.  And didn’t mean to mooch. @fereality-indy. - I couldn’t find a real scan)

But it does contain two other important pieces of information (besides Mabel getting her just-desserts).

The first is a code that gives the hint, WENDY'S MOM: IN ANOTHER DIMENSION?

Such a thing would explain a ton.  One would guess that Wendy and her family believes that her mother just vanished, meaning she could have abandonment issues.  (and yes, kids, such a thing can affect how people have relationships)

And to add to the tease, there’s a second hint as well in the first story:

(and thank you, GF Team for giving me another canon point to add to the Protector comic by stating the BES still exists!)

But back to the task at hand, we see that the far right vital has Wendy’s mom’s memories.  Is this in conjunction with the above point?  Or its own theory?

Hopefully, this plot point is exploring in the next piece of GF related media.  All I can guess is this, if Wendy’s mom really is stuck in another dimension, the Pines better pray they didn’t have anything to do with it...

The only other interesting thing to note is that at the end of the second story, Wendy makes an comment about “overthrowing the government,” which kinda sounds like the cut scene from “Scary-Oke” mentioned above.  Is it a statement of the politics taught in the Corduroy home, or is it a reflection of current views from Alex Hirsch and the writers?  (It’s fascinating either way, IMHO).

So, with everything said and done, I’ll admit, reader, I’m a bit mixed up, feeling wise.

On one hand, Alex Hirsch himself confirmed a shit-ton of Wendy and Dipper info that makes me feel like:

But at the same time, it seems like one of my favorite parts of the show is the one he could care less about - that it’s an end to a means.  The closest feeling I can relate to is how the Professor in the 2nd TMNT movie inadvertently tells Donatello that he was an accident.

And I get it, the series is based on the dude’s real life, and that includes nearly every aspect of Wendy and Dipper, rather it be good or bad (or as he describes it, mostly bad).  But that’s kinda of why I love it, too, that I can relate to that as well, as I’m sure many of you can.  I can say with full honesty that I’ve been both a “Dipper,” where I’ve followed along with a way-too-cool-for-me-girl like a lost puppy, and I’ve been a “Wendy,” too, in which a small ball of wonder looked up at me like I was a gift from God, and I tried my best not to sour or pervert that, and yet, remain honest.  It is an interesting story, even if it’s not the main story.

Man, he wasn’t kidding when he said “Gravity Falls was about being bittersweet,” eh?  But still, the fact remains: while it wasn’t perfect for ol’ Dipper, at least he wasn’t Patti Mayonnaise-d.

Between the numerous essays and questionnaires I’ve whipped up this summer, I still believe that there is ton of info to be asked and answered, especially involving our non-official favorite duo.  We can only hope that the powers that be may want to wish about that “Wendy Well” one day in the future.  Nothing is ever certain, and with that, I’ll leave you with some of the truest words out there, straight from Dipper Pines himself (and because I can’t find the damned gifs.)

Until next time.

[lawfulgay]

Do all the things you can for the D&D Ask Meme!

This is a big one, so I’m putting all my answers below the cut!

I’m gonna answer as many as I can, so the numbers might jump around a bit. The OG post I’m using as ref is this one right here!

1. My favorite character ever is Ulvalour “Valor” Meadowfall. He’s a half elf Bard/Paladin (the best combo)

2. The honor of best character played by another person goes to Ellawick “Ellie” Ningle, played by my good friend Bri aka @shitty-hot-dog-salesman. Ellie is a gnomish Rogue/Sorcerer who’s married to Valor! Power couple (Valor’s the wife)

4. Currently I’m in 3 officially scheduled campaigns, and 3-ish other games. D&D is my hobby.

5. I can’t really say with certainty that only one NPC is my favorite, so I’ll just do a top 3 in no particular order. Josephine, a psychic werebear who helped out some lost refugees named Nobody, me, and Lili, Bri. Goat Man, a chaos fay who exchanges “blessings” for magical objects, (one of my characters can never get food poisoning… but he also has two stomachs now…). Last, but not least, Arch Mage Fuckface Loren, an evil man who’s goal was to give wizards the same abilities as psions at any cost.

6. The place of favorite death goes to: Levis Rith! (Severin Stillflame). A dragonborn high priest of Tiamat masquerading as royal advisor to the queen. Valor as acting queen’s own bodyguard had the honor of executing him.

8. Fights/encounters are hard to sift through, but I think my favorite one was the end game fight of the psychic game. We teleported Arch Mage Fuckface Loren to the middle of the desert with a wish spell and killed him in one round, but not before he managed to kill every one of Nobody and Lili’s friends (also in one hit). Nobody sacrificed his sight to bring them all back with a divine intervention.

9. My favorite thing about D&D is that it’s a very good social vent. I get to be someone who is nothing like my self with different problems and feelings for a few hours. It gives me time to introspect on things I want to change in my own life, and it gives me the tools to make those changes.

10. Favorite enemy is always any kind of undead. They’re just neat! As far as an enemy I hate: Hippogriffs. They always almost, if not actually, kill me or someone I love. Fuck those guys. CR 1 my ass…

11. I play D&D at LEAST 3 times a week. Monday is a game called “Neo-Classics” where we convert old AD&D campaigns into 5e, Thursday is set in Ravnica, and Sunday is “The Wildlands Game”.

12. “I pull out a glock” is from the bard game. Any time any NPC confronts us we say, “so and so pulls out a glock.” “The potted plants we met along the way” is also from that same game. Annie, played by the wonderful Robin aka @moonlit-dancer, got hella turnt and barfed in a plant in a very classy inn, because of this, anyone who helps us is “the potted plants we met along the way.” There are so many more, but those are the most recent ones.

13. Current party(ies)!

Monday: Geth, me, is a half elf pact of the tome undying Warlock of Orcus currently trying to get out of his pact with an evil demon. Lucian, Bri, is a half elf redemption Paladin of the goddess of beauty and redemption, Geth’s long term S/O. Mortimer “Morty”, my friend Skyler, a tortle Bard from the thieve’s guild that Lucian escaped from. Caramip “Mip”, Chandra aka @vampuragirl, a gnomish Rogue/redemption Paladin who’s making strides and efforts to be a shining example for her best friend, Lucian.

Thursday: Order, me, is a Tiefling Rogue who works as a debt collector for the Orshov. Quent, Bri, a half elf werewolf just trying to live a stable life and have friends. Emmie, Skyler, a glory seeking Pixie. Dianna, Kara aka @sleepykitty7, a hot-headed Boros Sprite with a BIG attitude. Colliope, a curious Pixie who just wants to see what the world’s about. Azwinax “Ass”, my buddy Alex (sorry if I spelled his name wrong), a Goblin assassin working for Krenko and his gang.

Sunday: Thekali, me, a very overweight Tiefling Warlock/Druid with a heart of gold. Magdalen “Maggie”, a small Human refugee and former slave of the Cult of Tiamat. (She’s also Thekali’s gf UwU). Thema, Kara, a tough talking Human Woman Duergar Man who gives zero fucks about authority/what you think about her!

15. Snacks? In my D&D? It’s more likely than you’d think. Free PC scan Today!

16. I mostly play in person, but on Mondays we have a player currently in Uni all the way in Oregon! I definitely prefer in person, but online works for long distance, and seeing people you otherwise might not get to see all the time!

17. House rules are: fuck alignment. We’re big boys/girls/other and can make rational choices as people. It makes the characters feel more authentic. We use CHARISMA instead of DEXTERITY for initiative because, honey, I don’t care how many backflips you can do if you don’t react fast enough. Lastly, we give the magic classes extra spell slots, ESPECIALLY WARLOCK because that shit’s wack!

18. Not right now

19. Heck no. Some dice work some days, and not other days. Hey, bro, can I borrow your dice? Yeah, man. Thanks

20. I played my very first D&D game when I was 8. My parents always told me D&D stories from high school and it sounded like so much fun! I started seriously playing around 7 years ago though. I’ve been playing consistently ever since then!

21. I’ve never truly regretted anything a character has done, but my characters sure have…

22. My first dragon was blue. It killed me.

23. I don’t personally like pre-made campaigns. I love making all my stuff my self. That’s just my style

24. I usually just come up with a boss/villain for the end and let the characters do the rest.

25. Literally everything they’ve ever done. I improve most of my games from start to finish.

27. I love Homebrew shit! I make Homebrew shit! My boyfriend makes Homebrew shit! I breathe Homebrew shit!

28. I try to limit NPC’s in the party because it’s a little bit hard for me to keep track of them… I’ve only DM’d a few games, so I’m still a little green.

29. RP is my life. I love sessions where the characters just sit in a room and talk. That’s my favorite.

30. Diplomatic

31. Fav class: Bard or Paladin. Fav race: Half Elf or Tiefling

32. I love being tank and healer at the same time. Chew on that

33. I always come up with a backstory. They’re very important to me.

34. FLAVOR

35. ROLEPLAY IS LIFE!!!!

[sfidressage]

Sam is irrespectful w/ his gf if he immediately puts the "photo" symbol of the S3, theJamie and Claire's reunion, to bed together with his costar, after sex. With his gf barely posted photos where they are not even watching. Weird...

Well, that pic was for “work”, but he certainly could have picked a less suggestive pic to post on his accounts. But he didn’t.

That’s bad enough, I’m sure, but actually much more damaging to any potential relationship he might have would be the “not work” stuff that he has been so free about posting during South Africa and afterward. How would you feel if you were thousands of miles away and your “boyfriend” was busy posting selfies of himself and his “best friend”. There they are; all smiles and sitting arm in arm and sharing a glass of beer at a rugby game. Or caught by fans whilst out shopping together on Saturday evening. Or seen on a video laughing together when out to dinner with another couple, or the two of hem smiling together having after work drinks with friends. And then there they are again getting fan pics from behind the scenes at comic con of him and that costar walking the hallways arm in arm. And all the while he goes on posting lots of oldies pics of himself and that costar and “best friend” interacting in ways that don’t look “just friendly”. And that’s just a small sample- he’s been at it literally for years. Him and that “costar”. Everywhere. Even the interviews he does suggest that a LOT of time is spent together outside of work and what is that about her knowing what time he leaves the house for the gym in the morning? Or the television shows they share together? Not to mention watching the episodes of Outlander together, in bed, drinking. What is up with all that?That’s a lot for him and that “costar” to answer for. Oh, and did I mention that the costar is a woman? Yep, she sure is. And It’s her that’s in every part of his life and she is always there in is his thoughts and on his twitter and IG too-not you. You are supposed to be the “love of his life”, his girlfriend, but all he’s got of you is one pic. It’s of the two of you, true, but it was taken to promote an appearance that both of you did at a race track. It’s only an official pic, nothing really personal involved with it-and it shows- it looks like an “official press release pic from an appearance that both of you did at a race track” too. And you didn't even get to watch the race with him that day either since rather than stay by your side he chose to use his pit pass and watch the race from right in the heart of the action. He had a pit pass no doubt negotiated as a courtesy of his status as a celebrity guest, but you, obviously not his guest that day or you would have had one too, had to be content with watching the race from the hospitality area with the friend of the friend who you got your ticket from. Ouch! So really not such a memorable first appearance together, all in all, especially when you have to see him and that costar sitting entwined together at a rugby game. So every day you get to see that the one pic of the two of you that he ever posted is sterile and devoid of feeling and yet the rest of his social media is filled with emotional pics of him and his costar and emotional tweets and IG posts about his costar too. Literally everything she does is cause for him to celebrate, and offer immediate support. He even woke up in the middle of the night to come over and step on a spider for her, and that was after he’d only known her a few months- they hadn’t even been to Paris together yet. Hell, he treats her like she’s his friggen wife! She’s everywhere! And yet he can barely remember to even “like” the stuff you post, even the “important” stuff, the stuff you post to make try to make it seem you are “socially aware”-mostly he gets to it next day, or even later. Wow! And he’s never yet taken you to Paris.

Nope, It's not you, it is her who is in his thoughts, and it is her who is sharing his life, and him on record as saying that sharing a life is the most important thing for him. With all this going on, anon, would you “stay” with him?

I didn’t think so!

[a-few-of-my-favorite-turtles]

all them gay asks

you got ‘em babe

gay ask game for gays only

1.     describe your idea of a perfect date: anythingwith my gf (I know y’all are shocked), her presence makes my day every day I’mwith her

2.     whats your “type”: kind,thoughtful, warm. Also lowkey have a thing for dark hair and curves

3.     do you want kids?: Ido :)

4.     if you do, will you adopt or usesome other form of child birth?:

Iwould probably adopt

5.     describe the cutest date you’ve everbeen on: ahhhhmy gf all the ttiiimmmeee adfydkynsoiyf I will always be a sucker for our firstdate, where we just walked around and held hands and forgot that time existed,and then there was a time when we accidently fulfilled our friend��s prophecy aboutsitting in front of a beautiful sunset by a pond with a duck off to the left,and then…

6.     describe your experience having sexfor the first time (were you nervous? or was it easy peasy?): Iwas definitely ready, and I think that’s the most important thing. Sex isn’t  some serious thing like the movies, and itshould be way more filled with communication, and I’m really lucky in that myexperience reflects that

7.     are you a morning time gay or nighttime gay?: Night time !

8.      opinion on nap dates?: Yes please !! always !!!

9.     opinion on brown eyes?: Beautiful,gorgeous, stunning, amazing, phenominal, glorious, perfection

10. dog gay or cat gay?: Catgay

11. would you ever date someone whoowned rodents or reptiles?: Imean I guess?

12. whats a turn off you look for beforeyou start officially dating someone: ifthey already don’t seem to respect me/my boundaries. Also smoking, I cannotdate a smoker

13. what is a misconception you hadabout lgb people before you realized you were one?: Iremember thinking I couldn’t be lgb because they were such a small percentageof the population, that the chance were too low. I also thought they knew theywere lgb from a really young age, and, not realizing that my experiences wereactually textbook examples of a queer childhood w/o the matching vocab, Ithought I had missed some sort of cut off, too late to realize I wasn’tstraight.

14. what is a piece of advice you wouldgive to your younger self: unrelatedto being queer, but I would tell her that she should trust her gut, and that adultsdon’t have all the answers, and don’t always do the right thing

15. (if attracted to more than onegender) do you have different “types” for different genders?: Sosexually I’m only attracted to women/more feminine presenting people, butromantically I’m attracted to all genders, and I’d say my type is fairly the samefor all of them? Kind, warm, thoughtful, etc

16. who is an ex you regret?: Ido not say the name of my first ex, and barely consider him a relationship

17. night club gay or cafe gay?: Caféomg

18. who is one person you would “gostraight” for: lmaothis question doesn’t work for me for a few reasons, but 1998 Leo DiCaprio hadme going for awhile when I was like 11

19. video game gay, book gay, or moviegay?: Book!!

20. favourite gay ship (canon or not): itrotates, currently kadena or wayhaught probably? Swen is a classic

21. favourite gay youtuber: ummm….Rose and rosie

22. have you ever unknowingly asked outa straight person?: Nope!

23. have you ever been in love?: yesyesyesyesyes!!Absolutely yes!!

24. have you ever been heartbroken?: yeahI have

25. how do you determine if you want to bethem or be with someone: I’venever really had this problem? Instead I’ll give examples lol… I want to /be/Rachel Maddow, I want to be /with/ @the-great-uniter

26. favourite lgbt musician/band: haleykiyoko because I am a walking meme

27. what is a piece of advice you havefor young / baby gays: you’renot making it up, and it’s never too late to realize who you are!

28. are you out? if so how did you comeout: Iam incredibly privileged to be out. Obviously, coming out happens over and overagain in countless ways, with my parents, for example, I was pretty determinedto make it as “normal” as a straight person talks about their sexuality, so oncewas in a queer relationship, I just told them I had a girlfriend. I’m reallylucky to have been able to do that, and I thought it was important tocontribute to normalizing queer people and relationships

29. what is the most uncomfortable /strange coming out experience you have: mymom put a lot of weird pressure on me to come out to my grandmother cause she feltlike I “owed” it to her or smth. I eventually did, and thank goodness it wentfine, but like, moral of the story, please don’t ever out someone/guilt someonefor not being out! Like honestly, fuck off!  It’s not only rude, it can beincredibly dangerous

30. what is a piece of advice for peoplewho may not be in a safe place to express their sexuality: youare valid, and we love you. Stay safe, we are already here for you, and will beif/when you are out. We’ve got your back while you’re in the closet too though.You are not alone

[someobscurereference]

oh ok so fun fact! u totally have multiple fe anons now! XD theres def at least 2 of us, maybe more tho. im NOT the anon from the last ask, but dragons gate idea! holy shit. this is the Dream Scenario, tell me more. like i think the trio would be way more comfy staying knowing they could visit home whenever they wanted. how do encounters with the other future kids go? i imagine that tho they bicker they actually care about one another quite a bit? do the royal sibs get shovel talked?

Multiple!!! Anons!! I guess I’ve been suspecting that for a bit now but it’s finally been #confirmed and I’m still as surprised as if it were day one, lol. I’ve been addressing some asks as though they’re all from the same anon when they’re probably not. Whoops! At least I can be more careful from here on out ;)

Dragon’s Gate Scenario (where the timelines between Nohr and Ylisse actually match up) is best scenario because allowing the Trio to visit their family and and friends without leaving Nohr behind makes my heart warm and happy. I agree that they’d be wayyyy more comfy with this ability.  (Also buckle up bc we’re about to talk about some timeline stuff right here)

I’m pretty convinced most the fe13 crew thinks the Awakening Trio is dead by now, tbh. Which makes me so sad!!! And I don’t want it to be true!! But from what it seems, Anankos showed up right when all the future kids were gonna split ways and was like “please save my kingdom” and threw a paper with where to meet (probably wraped around a brick or something and it nearly hits Inigo, lmao) and then he left. So Owain, Inigo, and Severa go off to check it out, but?? They probably didn’t except to be gone for literal years? Because it’s definitely been years. 

I think Selena makes some comment that implies she remembers Corrin as a young child but that feels a little too long for me/they still look pretty young in-game, so to me, the Trio has probably been in Nohr for like five (5) years or so? That’s just personal opinion. That number can change, but it’s for sure been years.

When they meet, Anankos is pretty explicit about the fact if they’re going to help him, they have to leave Right Now. No time to send a letter or say goodbye or anything. Instant decision. And the Trio makes the mythical heroic one, the sacrificial one, but at what cost?

It takes a month to travel from Yllise to the meeting place, so all the parents were probably expecting to hear back from their future kids after like a month. And then they… didn’t. 

Some of them probably keep hope. Lissa insists that she’d know if her son were gone, she’d feel it, and most believe that she thinks so but Maribelle knows she worries. And with how close Maribelle and Lissa are, Owain and Brady probably grew up together, practically brothers, and Brady’s doubts eat at him like a black hole and he cries practically every time he thinks about it, about the letters he’s never gotten, about the travels they didn’t get to have together now that the war was over, and Owain’s dead, probably, because of something stupid or heroic or both and Brady wasn’t even there to heal him, couldn’t even do that, so useless and—

Sometimes Cynthia sits with him and doesn’t try to cheer him up when he blubbers and at least once she mentions that they aren’t her kinds of heroes, but Owain always liked the type that showed up at the very last second. She’s kinda hoping he’ll still jump out at some point. Who knew being a lone hero was so lonely? She doesn’t say anything after that, and then Brady’s all out of tears. 

Olivia practices dances that require two people and waits for her grown son to come home, knowing he probably won’t. Her baby isn’t big enough to dance yet, and that’s amazing and she loves this little bundle of joy and the future she’s going to have with him that another version of her didn’t reach, but she still misses Inigo. Gerome wanted to live a life of solitude with Minerva and the other wyverns and he got it. He sees the other kids the least out of anyone and he knows better than to expect anything good out of the world even with the cruelest future averted, but even he sometimes catches himself staring at his open palm, trying to remember how Inigo’s hand felt in his own when the fool was trying to convince Gerome to come back in time, please, and then when Gerome relented, in the new world Inigo was always pawing at him anyway to come visit these women or that event and— 

Gerome has been stuck in the past long enough. He has to look ahead. His hand aches. 

Noire was friends with Inigo and Sevena both, and maybe she had a crush on both of them, maybe. Or at least the potential for a crush. Or something adjacent to one. She loved them both so fiercely, the way only dying things loved (because they were all doomed from the start up until they weren’t), and at some point it didn’t matter if she teetered on the edge of romance or not, she loved them. Inigo always flirted with every girl under the sun but her, but it never mattered because in the end she always worried over him anyway. He never learned. And she misses the way Severa would fuss over her too. Sometimes she still wakes up in the night and wishes Severa were there to guide her, even though she’s long since past any need for hand-holding or fussing. She still wants it. 

(Sometimes she makes a cake and wonders what Owain would have named it. The sugar always tastes sour those days.)

Cordelia knows better than anyone how greedy war can be, what it can take within seconds. The problem with that is that the war is supposed to be over, but she seems to have lost her daughter anyway. She’s broken her promise never to leave her daughter alone again. Maybe it’s fate; maybe Cordelia is always meant to be the lone survivor. She wishes a lot of things. 

Kjelle hasn’t touched makeup since the time Severa tried to teach it to her and she forgot more important things, like how to hold a shield. Sometimes she catches herself staring at the lines of kohl on other girl’s faces and wondering what Severa would have thought, though. Usually that leads to chopping wood and practicing stances for hours on end until she can’t feel her fingers anymore. Kjelle’s never been much for words or contemplation outside the material—what would this move do against that one, is her armor the proper weight still—but she catches herself wondering what Severa would say about trinkets in the store windows more often than she would like. Laurent and Severa have always been opposits, but it worked, somehow, for them, even if it led to bickering more often than not. She forced him out of his comfort zone, and he tempered her, or so he thought. Perhaps Severa would have matured naturally with age. Laurent can come up with a thousand hypotheses now, but he’s never going to know the truth. Not anymore.

And it’s not just them, it’s everyone. It’s Nah missing chasing Inigo around when she got mad at him, though she didn’t really mean it. It’s Yarne missing Severa’s perseverance, her constant push at him to do better. It’s Lucina missing her cousin, who she always admired with the imagination she didn’t quite have and the bravery she shared with him. It’s everyone. They all miss each other in a hundred different ways, and the Trio misses them and home like a drowning man whose adapted to the ocean but can still taste the salt. 

—

Uhhhh, that got sad, but anyway!! You’d bet everyone would be ECSTATIC  to find Owain/Severa/Inigo alive and well. There would be many a tear. Kjelle would probably punch something. Brady would try to yell at them but he’d be sobbing too hard to actually say anything. Nah would roar with all the power of the dragon she is, and everyone’s parents would hold them hard and not want to let go. Lucina would beam and Gerome would let go of the little string of tension that had been wrapped around his heart for the past few years and Laurent would have to compose himself and Cynthia would be doing flips, and you know there’d be so much yelling. So much. The story would have to come out in bits and pieces because they’d constantly be interrupting one another, on both sides. 

I’ve definitely been focusing on the sadder parts of this idea and not the happier ones, so while this answer is getting long, let me try to fix that real fast. 

There’s guaranteed to be a lot of fussing over the Trio, who are now like 5 years older than when they last left and maybe? possibly? still disguised with Anankos’ magic? Maybe also that vanishes when they step through the Gate. Unknown. What is also guaranteed, however, is how much fussing the Nohrians get when visiting officially as a mixed group of royals and the Trio’s BFs/GFs.

Xander charms the pants of Olivia, hands down. He’s genuine and kind and charming, and when his back is turned, Olivia looks at her son and blushes because hot damn. Inigo picked a catch.  Inigo sees her look and wants to sink into the floor, but she’s not wrong. Also he feels 12 all over again. Olivia offers to dance for him and Inigo wants to join in and he also wants to watch and he’s also too shy to want to dance in front of anybody, even just Xander and his mom, and it makes for an interesting visit for sure. 

Leo passes Aunt/Other Mother Maribelle’s Scrutiny Test, but Niles, for all the effort he’s putting in to make a good impression, probably doesn’t. Owain insists Niles isn’t really that bad, he’s loyal like nothing else, and that’s at least a benefit in Maribelle’s book. She’s still suspicious of his seemingly shady character and all the effort he’s putting into looking good for her (because the fact he has to put in effort at all is suspicious to her, and it would have been suspicious if he were a prince or a farmer or anything other than a thief turned royal retainer. The only reason she can’t pin anything on Leo is because he keeps pulling out obscure knowledge to answer all her probing questions and has only the utmost manners. She’s waiting for him to make a cultural faux pas), but Owain is grown now. He can make his own decisions.  Besides, if Lissa isn’t complaining, she can’t either. Lissa loves Niles and Leo both. Lissa maybe catches them unawares with the old “bucket of frogs over the doorway” trick, though. She hasn’t changed. 

Cordelia’s happy to meet whoever her daughter loves, so long as they give Severa the love she deserves and pretty obviously craves. Not that Cordelia can talk, since she’s been absent from Severa’s life long enough too. She just worries like any normal mother. That Beruka girl is a little stony, but Camilla seems to have enough love for the both of them combined, even if she is a little intimidating too. Cordelia is mostly satisfied. She tries to keep her back straight when they’re looking at her, though. She’s never been one to be intimidated, but she wonders how Severa’s been faring in the seemingly dark land of Nohr. Well, if Severa has people she cares about there, she figures her daughter must be doing pretty well. 

(P.S. I can do more specific reactions if there was something you had in mind! I’m not sure anyone would give a Shovel Talk because I’m not too much a fan of that trope? I feel like it disregards the agency of whoever the Talker is trying to “protect”. I’d say Kjelle might give one, but she might just end up admiring Camilla’s muscles instead. Henry might (for whoever you picture him the father of), albeit unintentionally. I think it’s canon Henry would do Literally Anything asked of him for those he loves, so I can see that fact slipping pretty easily into conversation, even accidentally.

The one most likely to intentionally pull a Shovel Talk move is Noire, probably. Against Xander, even though she likes Xander. Because Inigo never really did learn in the army, and she doesn’t know if Laslow’s learned anything yet. Probably not.)

tl;dr the Kids all Love each other So Much. They grew up together in a destroyed world and at the end of the day, they all know they always have each other, and the Trio being missing is like a hole in their hearts even when the rest of the fe13 kid cast are all on their separate travels

[mykastory]

Me 2.0

I met a new guy...

It kinda happened outta nowhere...

A few months after the divorce was made official, I had another crazy work month with three shoots back to back. The guy I met was a part of the first shoot. He was filling in for a regular that we usually have, but in the two~three? days that he filled in, we got to talking and got along pretty well.

Never thought I'd see him again until I was in Busan for the second shoot...

I had heard from him that he was going to be in Busan, too, because it was the same week as BIFF. What I didn’t know was that the other guy that was on the shoot (not the usual but there was one other... I call him Pooh cuz he reminds me of Winnie the Pooh haha) Anyway, so Pooh randomly texts me while I’m in Busan, asking how I’m doing down there - turns out he’s there too and heard from JH (the new guy) that I would be there too. As it happens, I was having a pretty damn shitty day and told him so, to which he asked to grab 치맥 after work.

He came by the hotel I was staying at and we grabbed chicken n beer next door. It was mostly just me listening to him as he told me how him and JH had talked about how great and nice I was during the shoot and how I seemed like a 현모양처 type. I guess it was kind of a big deal how nice I was to them - they deal with a lot of 통역s in their line of work, but they never had someone 챙겨줘 them like I did. Of course I did cuz I wasn’t JUST the 통역 for the shoot. I was the producer, but they didn’t know that. Plus, I like 챙겨줘ing stuff for people cuz when I'm working on a shoot and no one 챙겨줘s me to eat the good stuff, too, then I get sad haha

Anyway, he kept saying let’s have a 송별회 since I was leaving for the states soon and planned to come by tomorrow, again, with Mr. H (the usual guy) and maybe JH, too.

Next day, Pooh tells me Mr. H can’t make it, but JH can. Pooh might get off late so he tells me to grab a beer with JH, first, and then he’ll join us. But then 갑자기 he calls me at around 9 or 10? telling me to come downstairs. Not sure what’s going on so I tell him I’ll be down in five minutes and quickly get dressed and go down.

As I meet him downstairs, he tells me to get in the car so 얼떨결에 I get in the car and he starts driving off.

I’m so confused, have no idea what’s going on, and am starting to wonder if I made a mistake... How well do I know this guy, anyway? Where the hell is he going?!

There's this other guy in the passenger seat, he appears to be their 통역. I only know cuz I said something in English and he kinda responded or something like that. I dunno. It's fuzzy cuz it was a while ago...

Anyway, Pooh is on the phone with someone else, telling him not to forget to grab blah blah and to stand outside the blah blah.

The car stops, the door opens, and all of a sudden, JH gets in the car.

He looks as surprised to see me as I do.

We're both wondering what the heck is going on, when Pooh suddenly stops the car in the middle of the road and tells JH to take the wheel and that he'll call when he's done.

둘다 당황해서 멈칫하다가 he jumps into the front seat and drives to their hotel - Pooh had told him to take me up to their room and "TV 보면서 맥주 한잔 하고 있어."

We both felt it might be weird to go to a hotel room, just the two of us, so we ended up going to a bar down the street.

전날 Pooh랑 얘기했을때에 비해 대화도 너무 잘 흘러가고 (with Pooh, it was more like me listening, rather than having a conversation), I ended up telling him about the divorce.

It's not like I meant to... 무슨 얘기하다 it kept becoming inconvenient to mention who or what I was talking about, so I ended up just telling him.

He took it pretty well and said a few kind words to make me feel better...

Ohhhh righhhttttt!

And then I found out about Pooh's shadiness.

The night before, Pooh had told me that he doesn't have a girlfriend.. that he has a "fuck buddy" but not a girlfriend... but then I found out from JH that he DOES have a girlfriend. We were trying to figure out why he lied to me.. cuz he went wayyyyy out of his way to lie to me.. It wasn't just like a simple "no" but rather a long story about how they never really see each other, and when they do, all she does is play games on her phone so he gets mad and he barely sees her cuz she's always away at work and they just pretty much watch each others' dogs.

HA-HA.

We were trying to figure out why he would've lied... JH concluded that it was better to lie that way than to explain that they were living together even though they weren't married. Eh. Not like that's a big deal but maybe he's super traditional Korean. Molla. That may have been his conclusion, but mine was that Pooh was interested in me and lied on purpose. JH refused to support that theory.

I told him that I might feel awkward if Pooh comes (this was before either of us had made our conclusions and when we were still wondering what the heck was going on) so he told Pooh that I was really tired and would probably leave soon.

Anyway, we went outside to smoke and someone was coming by or something.. I don't remember.. but he put his hand behind my back in a protective manner and I totally 심쿵했어. He was so.... kind and 매너있어 that I was kinda starting to fall for him. But I knew he had a girlfriend.

Oh right!!!

This part is soooo important.

He had a girlfriend.

I remember him telling me when we were on the shoot together and that's why I had put him out of my mind.

So anyway, he does that, so I turn to him and I say,

"Do you always just touch any girl like that?"

And he's like why?

And I'm like

"설레어요."

Okay. So let me clarify.

I actually said this in kind of a bitchy way.

He had said a few bitingly harsh? words to me, so this was my way of telling him to back off. I mean, what girl doesn't 설레 when this cute guy touches her?!

근데 문제가!!!!

When I told this to a few girlfriends, they were like, dude... you were totally hitting on him.

Whatever. I wasn't.

Anyway, Pooh comes and he's in SUCH a rush to get me home - I guess it's cuz I said I was tired.

JH offered to drive me home but Pooh insisted that he put me in a cab, which he did, and then gave the cab driver money which was really sweet but also further confirmed that I was right about his feelings...

When I got home, I texted JH to say thanks, but while I was typing, he texted me first asking if I got in okay.

몇번 카톡 주고 받다 - with both JH and Pooh, reporting to me that they were eating and sending me the same foodie pic haha - that was that.

The next day, I had a bit of a fiasco at the airport with the crew and then had two or so hours to kill so I texted him thinking he might be at the airport (cuz they usually are a lot the first couple days).

He wasn't, but after that, he would keep texting me every so often which became pretty much every day after a day or two...

He was really nice and supportive while I was working the third shoot, offering to pick me up and give me rides and stuff, but I still felt kinda weird cuz I knew he had a girlfriend and I wouldn't be so happy if my boyfriend was contacting this other girl as often as he was contacting me.

During the last leg of my shoot, he came by my house cuz he was working in the area and we had a smoke together before he left... and then we went to go watch a movie a few days after that...

연락이 너무 잦아지니깐 I asked him if his gf was okay with him contacting me and meeting me like that, to which he told me they broke up.

I asked him why he didn't tell me, and he said cuz technically it was none of my business.

I tried to explain to him my point of view, but he didn't seem to understand.

"내가 알아서 하는데 왜 문제야?"

Eh...

That was the first red flag.

Regardless, now that he was "free," we started 본격적으로 dating.

Everything was pretty good at first.

He made me feel special and loved to the point where I wondered what the hell I was doing the past four or so years.

To be honest, he was more of a rebound/ expiration dating for me than something serious, since I'm moving to the states at the end of the month (which he knows, too) but he started talking about things pretty seriously which scared me but then his actions didn't really match up so I was confused... We fought a few times because he didn't like me talking about S... This was really strange to me, because I thought this was a part of dating and getting to know each other... Getting to know each others' pasts is important so you know where the other person comes from and it becomes easier to understand them... But everytime I talked about S, he would get upset, and one time it got to the point where he was so upset with me that he said,

"Sometimes I wonder why I'm doing the 똥치워ing."

What the fuck?

Who says that???

어쨌든... 싸우기만 하면 너무 막말하고 I saw a scary side of him that I didn't like. Plus, he didn't understand what it meant to make sacrifices for family and didn't handle it well when I was busy helping my sister plan her wedding and wasn't able to 챙겨줘 him -_-

Regardless, 계속 만났다... Even though I wondered if he was more like L and only dating me as an investment for his future, I had way too much time on my hands and all my friends were lost in the shit that went down with S...

It was still good at times...

I think what actually made me decide to end things was meeting A and J again...

Let's start with J since he's short and easy... ㅋㅋ

I met J when I first came to Korea and was teaching English.

He was the only decent guy there, so naturally, boy crazy me had a crush on him haha

He never really returned the feelings, but after that, he ended up becoming good friends with my sister.

At the wedding after party, he was hitting on me like crazy and even took me home to make sure I got home okay and apparently keeps asking my sister about me.

Meh. I'm not into him anymore but it was flattering at least ㅋㅋ

Then, there's A.

My sister always tried to hook us up but it never worked out and he ended up marrying someone else, until...

I was supposed to sing at my sister's wedding with another guy, but he ended up not being able to make it and so my sister asked A because A is also a famous singer-songwriter. He usually hates singing at weddings, so she was just gonna ask him to help me with my song that I planned to sing alone.

Well, she goes to ask him, and turns out he's fresh going through a divorce right now, too...

It happened a couple weeks before my sister's wedding so he was going through a really rough time but still agreed to help me (which actually turned into him and I singing a duet which was awesome btw :))

As we practiced the song together, we kinda got to talking a bit more, and it was just really nice talking to him... in English, something I wasn't able to do with JH.

At this point, especially with JH in the picture, I hadn't talked about S in a while, but talking about it with A after some time helped me 정리해 a lot of things and was really helpful...

Plus, seeing how hard he was pushing to keep their marriage from falling apart and praying to God about it made me realize what I had been missing with S...

Both A and JH made me realize that I wasn't married to a husband.

I was married to a child.

These past four years weren't a relationship with a man... it was with a son.

That's why I was so unhappy and stressed and lashing out...

JH actually helped me in this respect, a lot, which I'm thankful for... He showed me what it meant to date a man that cares for you, not a boy that you need to care for.

A showed me how important it is for your husband to be a God loving/ fearing man. Well, S made me understand this, too, but it helped to see someone who walked the walk...

Anyway, getting back to JH, as the relationship progressed, his true colors started to show, as did mine.

He was just a typical Korean guy. He would ask me things like,

"If I came home after work, would you draw me a foot bath?"

Eh...

"I'll probably be busy making dinner."

"Is it that hard to draw up some water?"

Eh.

Wtf.

근데 내가 그렇게 반응하니깐 he's all,

"I guess you're not as 착해 as I thought."

WTF?!

My true colors showed, too.

When I say that, I mean that I realized who I am is heavily dependent on who I'm with.

I don't know if this makes me sound like I have some weird personality disorder or whatever, but I realized that I'm a different person depending on who I'm with. 맞춰주는 성격이니깐...

For example,

Being with JH made me a little more crabby, cuz he would always 지적질 about my clothes or my appearance and even went so far as to tell me that I have shitty taste and that everything I buy should be cleared through him... -_-

When I'm with A, I feel bright and happy and it shows...

I need to meet someone that brings out the best in me...

Where are you?

Ugh this post is sooo all over the place but I guess that’s how I feel right now... Can’t even write clearly... ㅠㅠ

Maybe I DO need to gtfoutta here...

[sage-nebula]

yoshi12370 replied to your photo “I said it on the post you replied to, and I’ll say it again: “Anyone...”

I still stand by that Dusk is better written than frog. Whether or not it was written for Ash, and has similarities to the frog, Lycanroc was never set up as this great thing that Ash only could unlock because He Is The Main Character. Everything about the Dusk forme revolved around Rockruff rather than Ash. I will say that Ash getting a new Lycanroc forme because he's the main character is not an inaccurate deduction because as you said this isn't new to the anime.  However what I'm saying is they handled this better. Dusk form was revealed in the game before showing Ash's Rockruff evolve into it. It already had official art from the game artist (Sugimori? I can't tell nowadays) and it's clear they put more thought into it and had planned this. Compare to Ash Greninja where it was only made to make Ash strong as a Mega User and was added to the game at last minute. The Battle Bond ability was vaguely explained and made just for Ash while Dusk is set up to be a new discovery.

Sorry for the late reply; it was six a.m. and I had to take a nap before work.

“Lycanroc was never set up as this great thing that Ash only could unlock because He Is The Main Character. Everything about the Dusk forme revolved around Rockruff rather than Ash.”

That Rockruff has a character arc of his own doesn’t make this any different from Greninja, because Greninja, too, had a character arc of his own. Ash met Froakie because Froakie had, once again, been returned to Professor Sycamore’s lab after failing to bond with a trainer. Although many trainers had attempted to raise Froakie, Froakie ended up rejecting all of them because he felt they could not help him reach his personal potential. Bond Phenomenon was as much Greninja’s journey as it was Ash’s; in fact, it could even be argued that the only reason why Ash pursued it at all was for Greninja’s sake, because Greninja wanted it. This was why Ash started to grow very uneasy and have bad dreams surrounding Greninja leaving him due to his failures, as well as why Greninja did temporarily leave him after the loss against Wulfric and Ash’s subsequent sulking fit. Ash had to win back Greninja’s favor and bond with him again, at which point Greninja---just as he had when he was a Froakie---knocked the pokéball toward Ash. Even when it comes to the lore, the myths about the special greninja were, again, myths about a special greninja, and the ancient text that Sycamore found specifically stated that only pokémon with a certain spirit or soul within them could unlock such a power. They needed the assistance of the right trainer, yes (because remember, this is just like mega evolution), but it was still always about the individual pokémon. The Bond Phenomenon arc was set up to be Greninja’s arc just as much as it was set up to be Ash’s, regardless of how much you personally enjoy Greninja’s existence.

Similarly, Rockruff---just like Froakie!---has been very invested in battling and growing stronger since day one. Just as Froakie kept rejecting trainers that he felt weren’t good enough for him, Rockruff kept sneaking off on his own to go to underground fight clubs so that he could try to force an evolution. And hell, even in this past episode, Rockruff once again went off on his own and deliberately avoided Ash because he felt that he had to do this in order to grow stronger and evolve. His “character arc” is just that he wants to fight everyone and grow stronger. It is, beat for beat, the same as Greninja’s, with the only difference that there isn’t a prophecy about him, likely because Ash is already the center of the Tapus for no explicable reason other than the fact that he’s the main character and a very special boy.

I also disagree that this evolution had nothing to do with Ash. Rockruff evolved into Dusk Lycanroc after Tapu Lele healed him, and Tapu Lele healed him after using Draining Kiss on Ash (as well as Gladion and Olivia’s lycanroc). The inference, then, is that Ash’s life energy was used to help Rockruff evolve. In other words, Ash was a necessary component, and it’s highly likely (almost certain!) Rockruff would not have achieved this form without him. So no, this really is not different from Ash-Greninja. 

“Dusk form was revealed in the game before showing Ash's Rockruff evolve into it.”

Uhhhh, no, not really. 

Dusk Lycanroc was only announced four days ago, and even then, it was because people were clamoring for Corocoro leaks as usual. That they included Dusk Lycanroc in this month’s Corocoro is absolutely because the anime got to the Rockruff evolution episode, and Game Freak felt they couldn’t wait any longer, likely because Dusk Lycanroc is going to be the anime shill for USUM. (Though that’s not guaranteed yet, I don’t think. It’s always possible they could release it in regular SM, but since USUM will likely be out in a couple months, I doubt it.) Dusk Lycanroc is the only news we’ve received about USUM since the announcement teaser. This is undoubtedly because the anime was going to “spoil” it, and so they had no choice but to say something now, particularly since saying, “Hey kiddos! You, too, can train this pokémon that Ash has if you buy the new games!” is a tactic they’ve been using to sell the games to anime-only fans for years now. It’s, again, the exact reason why Ash-Greninja was included in the SM demo. They really wanted to grab the anime fans.

So no, Dusk Lycanroc was not revealed in the game before the anime. It was shown in Corocoro (leaks) at about the same time as the anime episode aired because the anime episode aired and they couldn’t hold off any longer. 

“it's clear they put more thought into it and had planned this. Compare to Ash Greninja where it was only made to make Ash strong as a Mega User and was added to the game at last minute.”

Nope. Let’s check the receipts.

After the conclusion of XY&Z, an interview was conducted with the current director, Yajima. And in that interview, Yajima revealed that Ash-Greninja was Game Freak’s idea and was planned from the start. Specifically:

“Yajima wanted to make the bond between Satoshi and Gekkouga a major part of the story, but felt it would be difficult to do so if it had to remain a Gekkouga, so he went to Game Freak, and they came up with the idea of a synchro transformation. It was put in Sun/Moon afterwards, but was created during this discussion between anime staff and GF.”

While it’s true that Yajima wanted a way to show that the bond between Ash and Greninja was special (so less about making Ash stronger, more about showing that his relationship with Greninja had reached new heights), the fact remains that Game Freak had this in their pocket since the start of the series. My guess is that they saved the special event for SM because there was never a Z Version for Kalos, and with ORAS it made more sense to have events with Shiny Beldum and whatnot due to the fact that Steven, too, was an important character in the anime again, and he’s a Hoenn character / the Hoenn Champion. Regardless, acting as if Ash-Greninja was cobbed together by the anime staff at the last minute is false. It wasn’t even their idea, it was Game Freak’s.

And as far as concept art goes, I will admit that I don’t know if Sugimori did art of Ash-Greninja specifically. I do know, though, that he did draw XY!Ash in the same pose and expression as Red from FRLG, so once again it’s not like Game Freak was hands off for the Kalos saga of the anime. They were just as involved then as they are now.

“The Battle Bond ability was vaguely explained and made just for Ash while Dusk is set up to be a new discovery.”

I disagree that Bond Phenomenon was vaguely explained. Bond Phenomenon was foreshadowed before it happened with the ninja village’s lore, particularly since Bonnie pointed out that the heroic greninja depicted in the monument was different from other greninja she had seen before. Then, after the kids realized that Ash’s greninja was transforming, Clemont created inventions to test the energy between them, as well as their vital signs, letting the audience know that the two were in sync (or, as Game Freak calls it, synchro) and connected. Then later still, just in case anyone still had any questions, Sycamore reveals the results of his research in XYZ036, giving the transformation the name “Bond Phenomenon” and explaining that although it is extremely rare (and therefore shouldn’t be limited to just Ash!), there have been recordings of it throughout history. Certain pokémon (as in, individuals, not species) have the right kind of spirit within them that allows them to unlock this hidden potential when they are united with the right trainer. That is pretty cut and dry. We’re told exactly what this transformation is, exactly why it happens, and we’re further given a motivation for Greninja’s desire to battle and grow stronger beyond “well, it’s fun lol.” Froakie / Frogadier / Greninja was so dead set on finding a trainer that could unlock his potential because, although he didn’t know of the legend, he could feel he had greater power within him. And he knew Ash was the trainer who could help him because their spirits / souls were in sync, something he could feel thanks to Bond Phenomenon. None of that is vague. It’s right there in the episodes.

In comparison, Rockruff also really wanted to battle all the time and was dead set on evolving, because . . . it’s fun and he’s aggressive. And he evolved into Dusk Lycanroc because Tapu Lele healed him after absorbing life energy from two other lycanroc and Ash, and that + howling at the sunset caused him to evolve into a never before seen form because . . . because. As far as I can tell, no other explanation was given. I’m really not seeing the masterful leap in storytelling you’re saying exists here. If anything, at this moment in time (and this could change), far less has been done to explain Dusk Lycanroc than with Ash-Greninja, particularly since Ash-Greninja at least had some foreshadowing (even if it was quick foreshadowing, though to be honest the Ash-Greninja transformation in the ninja village was very brief, so the real appearance didn’t come until later), whereas Dusk Lycanroc had none.

Lastly, I’d argue that having Dusk Lycanroc be a new discovery is even worse since it’s a new discovery Just For Ash. The fact that history exists in Kalos to show that Bond Phenomenon has happened before means that it’s not that Ash is a child of the gods, but rather that he just happened to meet the right pokémon at the right time. (I still maintain that the right pokémon for this is Pikachu, but whatever.) In fact, XYZ036 set it up so that it would have been reasonable to show other trainers (and one specific trainer, at that) unlock this power during the finale. By specifically stating within the canon that this has happened before, with others, they’re saying that what Ash is doing isn’t new. It’s extremely rare and therefore special, but it’s not new.

But with Dusk Lycanroc? It’s both special and new! No one else has ever evolved their rockruff into a dusk lycanroc! It’s a brand new thing that Ash was able to do because he is the protagonist and is special therefore. Similarly, Tapu Koko just gave him a Z-Ring for no reason because, well, he’s the protagonist and is special therefore. There might not be a prophecy about Ash in Alola (yet), but they’re still making him just as much of a special sunflower as Kalos did. Dusk Lycanroc is blatantly his Ash-Greninja equivalent. They’re exactly the same. The Alola anime has changed the art style, has tried to change the genre, and changed what one-dimensional trope they’ve based Ash on this time, but they haven’t changed the fact that they’re creating things to make him more special than the rest. That has stayed exactly the same.

[thankyoumskobayashi]

au: emu is a computer whiz who meets sentient computer virus pallad one night on the web

oh boy this sounds a lot like a TOME au (animated webseries with an ai learning friendship) so im going to go off that basis. this is a quick write-up so capitalization may appear/disappear whenever.

emu is the brilliant lead programmer in a small team creating an interactive vr-based fighting game. it’s had several sections: people who want to fight, people who want to do arcade games and hang out, and people who want to do both.

the team has solved that with tsundere advice from taiga hanaya, affectionately nicknamed their marketing dept despite him A). never playing the game B). never planning on playing it C). always complaining abt it and his idiot friends to whoever he meets.

emu is in charge of the overall stuff, poppy is in charge of the music (obviously!), hiiro is in charge of the character designs but it’s mostly his gf saki who has the art skills for it. hiiro focuses on the weapons.? hey this actually works out rlly well w/ the “ex-aid cast as webmasters” thig.

anyway, kiriya does the scenery animations and coding, and emu develops the combat system in addition to every other odd job. their first test player is world-renowned gamer nico, aka taiga’s “annoyig” younger sister, who harrasses the other developers into letting her try it out. she then appoints herself as head of pr and begins blogging teasers for it.

one night when it’s late and everyone else has gone home emu is exploring the world he and his friends have created when he finds a grey cloud similar to old tv static. within it are tiny, dancing specks of magenta, yellow, and cyan. he walks over curiously. “hello?”

“who are you?”

“pallad. that’s a pretty name. my name is emu.” he reaches for the darkness, which swirls and manifests into a dark-haired figure with pixels for pants and hot pink sleeves that are way too long. a few cords are draped across their shoulders and their excitement is absolute.

they smile promisingly and then vanish.

emu tells the others abt this incident the next morning when they’re all hung over. no one believes him.

after the game is released dan kuroto, one of emu’s industry rivals, joins just to check out the competition. he’s made it his goal to be the best player there is, wanting the imaginary skill level title of “game master.” nico kills him on sight as she’s been grinding since before the official release.

emu meets pallad again, swinging on a vine that’s coded to be unswingable. he grins, happy to meet his friend again. “how are you enjoying the game’s release to the public?”

Emu laughs gently. “Yes, it sure is. I’ll tell you what, you can use that abandoned mansion whenever you want some peace and quiet.”

They slide down the vine to land right next to him. Their brown eyes burn with intensity from a new emotion. Emu finds himself pulled in by their curious and trusting nature. He also wants to protect them from prying gamers or the arrogant ones. He pulls out his custom-made weapon, the Gashacon Keyslasher, and holds it out to them.

Pallad looks back at him, tilding their head curiously.

“I… uh… want you to be able to protect yourself if you meet anyone that you don’t like.”

They don’t sound insulted, just… amused.

“Well, I want you to be able to protect yourself if I’m not around. I’m busy with the game sometimes-”

“I’m a game creator. I made this with my friends. Sometimes the maintenance gets in the way with talkingwith people.”

“Eh?”

“You helped make this?”

“Thank you for your help,” Emu murmurs, taking Pallad’s hand. Pallad nods, takes the sword, and looks intensely at him again. Emu nods and they vanish.

Nico tries to fight him after that with things designed to counterattack Emu’s special edition sword. She beats him up even more badly when he says he doesn’t actually have it. Then Poppy saves him asking why he doesn’t have it. He explains how he met Pallad again, and that he wanted them to have a place to go to have some quiet.

“Uhh. Dude,” Nico explsins, “Kiriya’s renovating that right now. You might want to go talk to him, and let this Pallad know if they do exist.”

“I’m not making them up! they do exist!” emu insists, glancing up as kiriya runs over.

“hey! how’s the long-term test going?” nico lands a hit on him before he jumps out of the way.

“it’s going well. hey, do you have any uses planned for that background mansion?”

“that old thing? no.” kiriya gives him a Look. “why?”

“i told pallad they can use it-”

“you’re still going on about that computer virus? look, emu, you hallucinated.”

“that was an excuse not to have to fight me flat-out!” nico crosses her arms, insulted. “i looked up to you as a gamer, and now you won’t even fight me?”

“he has a lot more roles to think about now than just as the gamer who could kick your ass,” kiriya says without thinking. he drags emu away while she’s processing that burn.

“HEY!!!!!!!! GET BACK HERE!!!####”

they go to the mansion, where kiriya unbars them from entering it. when they walk in, pallad is not there. emu tries not to feel disappointed, but kiriya is giving him The Tour. “when will it be made open to the public?”

“when we have 200 million users,” kiriya grins. emu gasps, clapping him on the back in-game.  "you think we can make it that far?“

"nico knows what she’s doing.” he sighs as they sit back-to-back on one of the couches. “i believe in her.”

“don’t undersell yourself, man.” kiriya elbows him. “your status has also set the ball in motion.”

“i know, it’s just…not something i count on regularly, since i’m not in the spotlight all the time.”

“you’ll figure something out,” kiriya murmurs with a yawn. emu sits up at that.

“…..are you TIRED?”

“emu-”

“are you?” he asks gently. kiriya sighs slowly.

“………yeah.”

“go to sleep.”

“i need the money,” the designer tries to insist.

“you can have my pay for the week. go get some rest.”

“emu-” from the tone of his voice kiriya knows he’s lost the argument.

“you program best when you’ve gotten enough rest. we’ll be here, once you’ve done that and come back.”

kiriya nods, and the lightness behind emu shows he’s logged the fuck out. he sighs, used to being alone, and decides to restore the protections to the mansion, since kiriya didn’t have time to.

a presence that makes all the hair on the back of his neck stand up appears, and the entire room is filled with faint tv static and tiny magenta, yellow, and cyan pixels. he grins. “Pallad?”

a pair of eyes, like the ones in perfect puzzle, appear right in the faint static. they ask dryly.

“What a relief. I thought Nico had challenged you already.”

You are.>

“…..I’m… very flattered.”

“You managed to follow her without being caught?” Emu fights off a yawn of his own. “You must have set the new stealth record.”

They pause for a while, unsure how to proceed until Emu yawns.

“I want my team to be at their best.”

“What about me?” Emu yawns while asking. He’s too worn out to guess.

“They can manage without me…” Emu mumbles, his eyes closing involuntarily.

His eyes snap open at their angery tone. I trust, too.>

Emu gazes in wonder at the pair of floating eyes in the static. This conversation is beginning to unnerve him quite a bit.

Pallad senses this and their static shrinks into their signature character. They walk over to Emu, their static spreading to surround both players. Pallad murmurs, lingering on his name.

In his own room, in his apartment, Emu fidgets nervously. “What are you going to do?”

“How?”

Pallad seems to hesitate after this.

“Is there… anything else?” Emu asks gently. Pallad and their static seem to shrink away.

“What is it? You can tell me,” Emu says earnestly.

The static was only surrounding Pallad now, and was flashing at half its original speed.

“Pallad… can you hear These Thoughts?” Pallad’s avatar glances up as Emu steps within their static again. Emu leans in to smile gently at them. “I think that sounds wonderful.”

What he wouldn’t give to be able to take off his VR headset and sleep for once.

Pallad’s static regains some of their original enthusiasm.

“Yes. You can read my mind right now.” He closes his eyes, and the tingling sensation returns.

Eveeything goes dark, until Hiiro shakes his shoulder. “Hey. Webmaster. Wake up.”

“Emu-kun…” Saki murmurs, pulling off his VR headset. He had somehow slept into the next day wihout crushing it in his sleep.

“Your work was all done flawlessly, how the hell did you manage to do that?” Hiiro asks. Emu sits up slowly, blinking.

“Would you believe me if I said the game themself did it?”

“No……….” Both other Netroyals stare at him with worry.

“I didn’t think so,” Emu murmurs.

Thank you, Pallad.