#to go down another rabbit hole atm

[fencesandfrogs]

Feel like the solution I’m gonna end up taking is “human dna slutty”

[tinydefector]

The Rung transfluid headcanon 😵‍💫 I already drink those daily 🤭

Could I offer up Sunder as being the new Monster Ultra flavor: Fantasy Ruby Red?

Oh the amount of headcannons I have over the transfluid atm is insane. I'm working on a Swerve fic for it atm. I wasn't actually expecting ,y silly shit post to get so much traction over the bots XD

So where I am in Australia energy drinks are limited in what you can find and today I'm in one of the cities so gonna see what lovelies I can find.

I had to go look up that monster and kinda went down a rabbit hole for Sunder and Rung

--------

Firstly. Rung

The first time Rung gets oral from you, it's just to blow off steam after a day, which just didn't turn out well. Man gets put through the ringer a lot with watching everyone else's mental health that sometimes he forgets to look after himself.

He's lent back in his chair venting softly one servo on the back of your head optics half lidded as he just watches, after all you had offered to help with stress relief after hearing a rumour from another human on board.

Rung is extremely high strung, so when your lips and fingers rotate between teasing his spike and pressing your face into his valve, he begins to figure something up.

It's only once he overloads and he's there optics closed debating getting up to clean up that he can still feel you eagerly cleaning up the mess.

And he just gets fixated on watching as you lick up his spike, transfluid covering your tongue and lips

He thinks its a one time thing until two days later he has you back between his thighs working him up for another overload and when he pulls you away because he doesn't want to make a mess and the protest you put up. Begging to taste him again

It is eventually a subject he takes to not just the medics but also the scientist, quite worried about the effects of it since Transfluid is. A by product of Energon. He learns that.

___

-no it isn't harmful to humans the same way energon is.

- aslong as you can limit your human on how much they consume as it can eventually give them energy sickness if they have to much 5-6 litres in a 24 time stamp

-the human body needs time to flush it out. Because it works very much the same as energy drinks if you have to much it can stop your heart or give you cardiac problems

-it's quite additive and companionable to human caffeinated drinks, and when the bots realise that there us a full meeting about the effects.

- energon seems to get converted into a very similar thing to taurine which is an amino acid containing sulphur but alot of the minerals and nutrients that Cybertronians live off from their treats, food sources and energon what adds in all the other things.

-Perceptor and ratchet discovered that Transfluid is better for human consumption than energy drinks not by a lot but more the fact you can consume more of it with less problems.

- and each bot seemed to have different 'flavours' and it becomes a full thing of asking their partner what they taste like. And eventually the 'flavour mods'

________________

And on the Case of Sunder I present to you these monsters as an offering as well.

So we have

Sunder : rehab strawberry lemonade/Ultra ruby red

Overload : rehab recovery watermelon

Senator shockwave: rehab green tea

Elita one: rehab pink lemonade

Chromia: rehab protean

Wheejack: rehab tea + lemonade

Wings : rehab gojo tea

Let me know if you would like to be added to tag list (tagged for every fic)

[crimsonhydrangeavn]

Hi! I absolutely loved the demo of your game—it was amazing! I'm excited to see more of it. I have two questions: First, how would Garret or Teagan react if they were in a room full of yanderes with y/n? Second, I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way, but I'm genuinely curious—how long does it usually take to release a new episode? I'm really looking forward to continuing the game, and I appreciate all the hard work you put into it. I hope I'm not rushing anyone, and I'm truly sorry if it comes off that way. Thank you so much for reading!

Thank you so much for your ask! I'll go ahead and answer your second question first before moving onto the first one! lol

I wanted to start off by thanking you for asking your question in a kind and respectful way, I completely understand where you're coming from and I don't take any offense to it what so ever!

I know I really appreciate transparency when it comes to games/ things I'm a fan of, so I want to do what I can to make sure I'm as honest and upfront with you all as possible.

So I went through my logs and did the math. Day 1 took me about 6 months from start to finish and Day 2 took me almost a full year from start to finish. That being said, Day 1 was 11k words and Day 2 was 24.5k words total. So given the fact that Day 2 was more than twice as long as Day 1, I can see why it took double the time as Day 1. (That and I learned how to add animation into Renpy and spent a little over a month going down that rabbit hole and making a few animations for the game. I also spent some time refining Day 1 while working on Day 2 so that probably made the Day 2 release take longer than it would have otherwise)

The reason why it takes as long as it does is because I'm making this game entirely by myself. That includes the script, all of the art assets, the programming, the audio, and not to mention all of the social media, and patreon content.

On top of that I also have a pretty steady stream of freelance work that usually equals to about 30-50 hours a week. I've burnt myself out in the past and I'm trying to keep a sustainable pace where I'm making progress on CHVN but I'm also enjoying life and taking breaks as needed.

That being said, I do post monthly game updates on my patreon to discuss what I've finished that month, what I have left, and what the current word count is. ( ATM it's longer than Day 1 and I still have a lot planned haha)

I also think it's worth mentioning that this is my first game and I'm learning how to do everything from scratch. My background is in the visual arts so programming and audio stuff is completely foreign to me. That being said, I'm stubborn as hell and for better or for worse once I put my mind to something, I'll get it done one way or another.

Hopefully that answers your question! Once I finish up the script portion of Day 3, I can give a better estimate of how long it'll take me, but until then I really have no idea when the actual release date will be.

Now, onto the easier/ fun part of your question! lol

Garret would play nice at first, however he would make sure that he was never more than a step away from your side. He doesn't trust anyone to behave themselves around you, especially if they're anything like him.

Teagan on the other hand would immediately try to get you to leave the room. They don't deal well with competition and would want to remove you from the situation asap. If you refused/ couldn't leave with them, then they would make sure to talk shit about all of the other Yandere's and taint your view of them. While it would put an obvious target on their own back, at least they'd know you wouldn't talk to or go off with them out of your own free will.

Thank you again for all of your support! I really appreciate it and I can only hope that the next update is worth the wait!

[lowkeyrobin]

hey!

idk if you’re still writing but if u are - and have the time - could you maybe write fourth grade or ray seeing the readers sh scars? totally understandable if not :))

ooo yeah sure! ; also I'm still active I promise haha, if I ever had to retire (which will hopefully never happen) I'd probably but a thing in my bio to detail that I'm gone temporarily/permanently ; but yeah, it's all cool, I've written ab sh plenty of times before and I'm fine with writing about it ; decided to do ray on this one cause I've given fg enough attention atm haha ; and thank you for requesting! hope you enjoy!

RAY ; don't hurt yourself again

summary ; he finds your sh scars

warnings ; language, substances, self harm & weapons (razors/scissors iykwim) used (slightly) in detail to cause physical harm

disclaimers ; pre-stevie era

word count ; 1.3k

masterlist

This hot, sunny summer day was no different than any other. Patsy Cline's Walkin' After Midnight rung in your headphones, your cassette player quietly whirring as it plays your mixtape. The summer vibe had finally hit you, inspiring you to get with the theme and listen to some more beachy/summery songs for the season.

Ray always found it funny how you had such a taste for music. He didn't get how certain music was only for certain seasons or only gave you the vibes of a certain time, but he wasn't against it. You were way better at making mixtapes than he was.

Speaking of him, you were on your way to meet him at an abandoned pool you'd found a couple months ago. It was around sunset, the heat wearing down against your back.

Trust, the pool was clean, you made sure of it. But you found it as some hole in the concrete by some unused project apartments, water just sitting stagnant inside. You pick up your pace a bit, wanting to hurry before the sun completely set.

As you arrive, you see Ray, Fuckshit, Fourthgrade, and Ruben, dressed down to their boxers as they fuck around in the water. You wave hello as they welcome you, watching as you strip down into whatever you preferred to wear in the water.

You join them as the moon illuminates the pool, the only other slight source of light being the mostly burned out street lamps.

You end up starting a little water war, with you, Ray, and Fourthgrade against Fuckshit and Ruben. It was mostly just a splash party, with lots of shouting and yelling. Said shouting and yelling earned you a noise complaint, causing police to come deal with you.

"Hey! Hands up, get out of the pool!"

As flashlights are pointed at you all, you quickly scramble out, grab your belongings, and run barefoot down the street to avoid the police. You laugh and yell to one another as you sprint down the road, adrenaline fueling you as you aren't able to feel the rocks in the road wedge into your feet.

You hide in a garden, lit up just enough so you'd be able to put your clothes on properly and be able to tie your shoes. You shove your dry clothes on over your wet ones, attempting to warm up before you begin to freeze due to the cold water soaked in your under clothing.

You notice Ray staring at you a little too long before looking away as you slide your shirt on. You brush it off, maybe thinking he was looking over at one of the other guys, and you happened to be in the way, or maybe he saw a rabbit or a squirrel run through the lawn.

You and Ray separate from Fourthgrade, Fuckshit, and Ruben, as the trio were planning to go to some 24 hour diner to eat dinner before heading home. You and Ray head the opposite way, wanting to go home as sleep slowly creeps up on you both.

Your walk home is mostly silent, warm street lamps lighting your way down the sidewalk. You slowly glide on your board next to Ray, who decides to walk. He shakes his locs out of his face to look up at you.

"Do you hurt yourself?" He asks bluntly, unable to word what he wanted to ask any differently.

"What?" You quickly look at him confused, almost shocked. "No"

"I saw scars on your arms earlier when we were in that garden," He speaks, "Those weren't cat scratches or just rush burns or some dumb shit, those were cuts. It's fine if you don't wanna talk about it, but it's not fine to bottle it up and just hurt yourself. Like, we're here for you, okay?"

You slightly shrug and look away, your foot hitting the pavement as you give yourself a little push. "I don't hurt myself anymore"

"Oh"

You hold back a light smile. "Yeah"

"When did you hurt yourself then?" He asks, almost disappointed in himself that he never caught onto it if it was in the past. "Why?"

You shrug as you give him a blunt explanation. "Long ago. They're just scars for a reason. Life got rough, and I didn't know how else to cope. I was too scared to drink or smoke like you guys, but I was somehow able to hurt myself instead."

He nods. "Sorry"

You nod, "It's cool. I was waiting for it to happen anyways. Just another consequence of my actions, but I've grown and yknow, sappy shit"

He chuckles, "Yeah, yeah."

He pulls a blunt from his pocket, like he'd pulled it from Mary Poppins' bag, considering he just randomly had it and a lighter. He lights it up, puffing it to feel a little calmer about what you'd told him. He was such an extreme empath when it came to shit like this because he knew what the bottom felt like after losing his brother. He understood but didn't know how to help, so he just listened.

The rest of the walk is fairly quiet, the smell of weed filling your noses while the sound of your board rolling on the concrete whirs in your ears.

He waves a slightly awkward goodbye as he walks up to his front porch, knowing you'd stay on the sidewalk until he actually got inside. He grabs at the screen door, pulling on it to realize it was locked. Within the Marry Poppins pockets he had, he surprisingly didn't have his housekey.

He turns back to look at you, giving you a look you knew all to well. You laugh before waving him down to you, offering up your bed for him. He jogs back down the sidewalk to catch up as you'd already drifted away, knowing he'd follow like a lost puppy.

He holds onto your hand as you trail down the neighborhood towards your house, trying to hide the fact that holding your hand was his only comfort that he knew you weren't currently hurting yourself.

You open your front door to let him inside, placing a finger over your mouth to tell him to hush as you walk toward your room. You close the door and hand him some clothes he'd be able to wear to bed, allowing him to go to the bathroom to change while you also change.

You both flop down on your bed, sitting in silence as you stare up at the ceiling covered in glow in the dark stars. A lamp illuminates the room, covering it in a warm blanket.

He turns to look at you. "Do you wanna talk about it at all? Get it off your chest?"

You shrug before answering, "Yeah. I mean, what do you wanna know?"

He shrugs in response. "What'd you use?"

"Scissors, razors, pencil sharpeners. Anything sharp, used a knife once."

"Damn" He mutters. "How often did you do it?"

"About multiple times almost every day" You answer. "I was at the bottom then"

"When was then?" He asks, "A few weeks, months, years ago?"

"Months" You answer carefully. "I'm not anywhere near depressed like that anymore, I swear"

He nods, turning on his side to look at you as you speak. "You know you can reach out for help, right? Like, we aren't gonna yell at you or something, we wanna help you, I promise"

You quickly nod. "Yeah, it's just, when you're that low, you don't think help will actually help. I was worried if I reached out, I'd just be thrown to the side or I'd be yelled at and lose everything I have left."

He nods. "Can you promise me you won't hurt yourself again?"

You smile, appreciating the thought of those words. You hold your pinkie out to him, allowing him to shake his with yours to pinkie promise on it.

"I promise"

[klunkcat]

tagged by @goodlucktai <3333

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

45 lol but i have I think. 30 wips that exist somewhere on my computer at any given moment. alas.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

701,032

which..... is like far too many words per fic actually imo

3. What fandoms do you write for?

honestly whatever currently grabs my brain stem changes a lot but i think my top ones are tmnt and stranger things (what a wild combo actually). Actively atm I have a trigun wip and a tmnt one

4. Top five fics by kudos?

A Kiss is a Kiss (But it's never like this) - 6,528

(something happens and I'm) head over heels - 3,518

Green with Envy - 1,880

Forget the mess I'm in - 1,791

Weak Point - 1,366

5. Do you respond to comments?

literally I am the WORST for remembering to reply I'm so sorry. I must say that I do read all of them in my email and screenshot them and cry

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

angsty endings are too much 4 me I believe so strongly in hurt/comfort but....

Impossible Things and the Tin Can I think is the most like, conceptually tragic series I've written

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Comfort is a requirement but I think but like Stepping over the line is basically just an extended meet cute so nothing really sad happens at all lol?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Actually genuinely have never gotten a rude comment in my life I did once get someone being hyper pushy about new chaps when I was like.... 19? Sometimes comments veer I think towards misunderstanding unreliable narrator elements and can be a little intense as a result

9. Do you write smut?

ehhhhhh closest I've ever gotten was dancing around the topic lol

10. Craziest crossover?

omg me and tai have gone down some rabbit holes and made a tangled/good omens fusion among other things, which was cute 2 me

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that I know of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I've gotten some requests, not sure if they got uploaded anywhere?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I did once many years ago but we didn't end up finishing it from what I remember!

14. All time favourite ship?

oh god I mean. ineffable husbands and wangxian invented romance. big mckirk and vashwood fan despite what my published fics would tell you. stsg ruined my life this year. I'm really big on platonic friendships though personally

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My google docs are a cesspit of fics I will never finish. Once made a wangxian softball fic that will never see the light of day but I think of it fondly

16. What are your writing strengths?

Might actually be a weakness and not a strength but boy do I love prosey metaphor nonsense. Sometimes I think it works other times who's 2 say.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Fighting scenes man, combat is hard as hell.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

in general I dooooon't write it too much just because I don't speak anything beyond like. grade 2 level spanish so.

19. First fandom you wrote in?

tmnt :' )

20. Favourite fic you've written?

Oh tricky. Stealing tai's idea of a top 5

Forget-Me-Nots - :') big ol love u to tai for this

Both the Sweet and the Bitter - so sorry to anyone who follows me for ST fics because I'm probably never going to write for it ever again or finish this but a dear friend of mine helped me with this story and it means a lot 2 me as a result. The flower metaphors were fun to research.

Plain White Beach Houses - also same as the above but idk pacific rim au....house metaphors.... I love this series a lot

change up, high inside - wanted to write a softball fic for my whole life basically and this is more or less me just waxing poetic about the sport if I'm honest

Feedback Loop - this fic was actually insane like. took me I think a full year to write out? There's a lot of stuff in this that I lol cannot reread anymore for reasons but damn if it wasn't a learning experience to write all around

Tagging @eternalglitch @byrdybyrd02 @jinbugs if u want to besties!

[nyaagolor]

What connection do you think Geeta has to Area Zero? Her ace Pokémon is a Glimmora, which can only be found in Area Zero, and the league/academy was responsible for funding the professor’s research iirc.

I have... a LOT of questions about Geeta that I am really hoping the DLC clears up in some capacity

One of the most important ones in terms of this ask and just in general is exactly when she became top champion. Was it before Sada / Turo started their research-- and by extension was she in charge of / knew about the money being afforded to them? Her relation to the professors and their tera research is majorly going to affect exactly how much she knows about Area Zero and everything going on down there. I also have to wonder if she was there while Team Star was getting bullied and whether that whole situation / the entire staff leaving is relevant to how she runs the academy / conducts her relationship with the school and Clavell. But that's a rabbit hole for another time.

Anyway. On one hand you have the possibility that Geeta came in after the tera orb research is completed-- we know that the league more or less separated themselves from the professors as soon as they got the tera orb so if this is the case I wouldn't doubt that Geeta just has no fucking idea about any of the time machine stuff. This also explains why Miss Micromanagement wouldn't stick her nose into all that drama or at least try and interfere with stuff / deal with it herself. Atm I'm assuming this is the case because Geeta seems surprisingly uninvolved with anything professor wise, and her personality seems to imply she would be a little more entrenched in all the paradox nonsense if she knew about it

On the OTHER hand we have the possibility that Geeta joined before the tera research and maybe even gave the professors the money. Personally I'm not super stroked about this interpretation bc 1. it leans way farther towards the "geeta is evil" side of things, which I find particularly boring, and 2. the amnt of questions it offers gives me pause. If Geeta knew about the professors' research, it begs the question of why she wasn't hounding them / checking up on them at all. Geeta is pretty involved with / protective of Nemona and talks constantly about the future of Paldea, so her knowing about but ignoring Arven seems strange to me. It's possible she did know about the professors but that they just hid the time machine / AI really well, but honestly I'm not sold on that. Knowing Geeta, she would have bothered them / done checkups if she knew which makes me wonder why she's so disconnected from th professors even moreso than Clavell. Unless she did know and was hiding something, but again, League Chairwoman secretly evil is kinda. eh.

Anyway, I DO think she has a connection to Terapagos and Area Zero somehow, but that it may not necessarily involve the professors or anything we've seen thus far. I adore making AUs where she's more intertwined with the gods of the crater (and the status of the crater as a living thing but that's another post) and in general love exploring the idea, but as of now canon seems to be implying she either knows very little about the professors' / crater's whole Deal or she's hiding smth. I'm leaning towards the former

[ginnyrules27]

You know, now that it's been a couple of weeks since Nightmare Weekend with GalaxyCon, I thought I'd compare and contrast GalaxyCon with Dream It (now that I actually have another convention organization to compare Dream It too). What will I do with this information? Probably nothing but it's something to distract my brain so I don't sit and wonder how a Descendants/Grey's Anatomy crossover would work lol (totally not thinking about Karev trying to help the VKs out or maybe even a group of doctors go to the Isle when the VKs are still actually kids--no brain! Do not go down that rabbit hole otherwise you'll start outlining the 9-1-1/Descendants fanfic you said was on hold until you finished one of your 4 WIPs lol)

GalaxyCon: They had a lot more guests than I thought they would especially since this was the first year they even did Nightmare Weekend in Richmond, VA. They had clear paths for VIP lines for the autographs and photos, and a lot more merchants if the whole actors thing wasn't your cup of tea. It was also easier to get food (I mean $20 for five chicken tenders, a bunch of fries, a soda and a cookie isn't exactly a good deal but at least it's food) and there were drinking fountains abound so that if one needed to, they could fill up a water bottle.

Dream It: I know, I'm honestly surprised I can write anything Dream It does well but they include autographs and photos in with your pass and you can purchase a la carte tickets before the convention. There were also more activities where you got to interact with the guests. Also, I never needed to hunt around for an ATM to get cash for Dream It's conventions.

All in all, Nightmare Weekend was a lot of fun and I'd definitely go back to another convention by this organization

[chanrizard]

FR where is my parasocial bestie at 😭

Not the listen of things I need to watch growing with everyday at an unimaginable rate these guys have so much to do and say 😭 fun fact (it's really sad actually): I haven't watched the time out skz code series as of yet either—

Oof yes school is a bit much for me atm since I missed out on a week of it but imma just have to ingrain those wise words, "like mate, stop procrastinating" on my forehead and just get it done (it is not infact getting done however..) but I'm glad your exams went well! Not really sure what a proficiency certificate is but regardless, I'm proud of you!!

Saame tbh I think even 3racha gives more 5 star vibes than maxident but that doesn't change how absolutely epic it is

YES SAME nah I wasn't there either 😭 I've been a stay since like the end of Hyunjin's hiatus so like March 2021 I guess..? But it still definitely made a HUGE impact, I mean you can ask my brain chemistry she'll tell you everything

But at the same time it's funny to think that we say "it suits their style now" when all the songs in the album are likely to be made at different times of different years. Which means that this has always been their style, to not have one..!

-🌋

oh so in STAY years you're older than me by 6 months lmaoo i plummeted down the skz rabbit hole towards the end of august '21 nevermind that i proceeded to watch all their old content like my life depended on it 💀

and i think the parasocial bestie needed that break like the air with all the things they've done this past month but still. i miss him :') just a teeny tiny bit 🤏🏻🤏🏻 the roar of triumph i let out when i saw the photos on instagram after 6 months of drought.... embarrassing lmao

and from a professional procrastinator to another: you got this the sooner you do what you have to do the sooner you'll be free to do what you want to do 💪🏻 maybe you can watch some of the stuff you missed before going to bed, the eps are not long they're like ~30 minutes long each? the silver lining in this is now that the promotions are over you're less likely to get distracted probably 💕💕

[iexistfor1post]

The more I take the online tests and read the symptoms of ADHD in woman the more I see myself in those symptoms

(This was getting long, so I added a read"more)

Well most symptoms as I am not one to try really hard if I don't care for the thing

It would make sense for me to have ADHD as one of my older brothers has it

Since I mentioned the online tests

I keep getting moderate to high because surprise i am indecisive with answers so my answers slightly change on what I am feeling atm

I hate the idea of taking meds as I already take anxiety meds (which i think are helping )

At the same time I have no social life

The few symptoms I think don't fit are research rabbit holes because while I look things up and occasionally go deeper I normally just skim a website or 2 for the answer I was looking up

I don't believe how a perfectionist in any way

While I do think I am slightly bad at time (when I am not in a panic) I am someone who has to check my calendar and I always arrive early to stuff

I'm not even joking... kinda cause for years and especially in high school I was like haha I definitely have adhd with how distracted I am

Looking at a actual symptoms list and being told woman mostly have the inattentive kind just... hits

Like folks can tell you when I get excited about what I want to talk about it lose some volume control

The symptom of interrupting made me laugh because I always have to try so hard not to interrupt

I want to speak about something I am obsessed with atm

When people talk about hyperfocus or whatever I never know if it fits because from what I can see when they stop hyper focusing on one thing they move to another

When I get really attached to something and it kinda takes over my life I still interact with other things I love

(Depending on the thing as minecraft anything I really am bad at staying interested when my brain is done focusing on it)

Like currently i am obsessed with warrior cats and all I have been doing for almost a year is drawing cats

Mostly just cats

The year before that was qsmp which that died kinda quickly around the purgatory thing

Back to symptoms

I really do make some small and dumb mistakes just because my brain just didn't wanna work

Like earlier today I was changing the tortise's heat bulb and I forgot how to put the cord behind the tank and instead plugged it in and then was trying to squeeze the lamp behind the tank when there was no space 😅

I really do lose things easily if I just set the item down and didn't put it in a designated spot

I am really bad at directions and while I swear I know my left from my right when I was learning to drive a few years ago my brain apparently forgot 🙃

(I turned left when dad said right for example)

(Also my dad told me directions and I immediately turned the wrong way)

I talk a lot and my coworkers could tell you that... and my family

Which is funny because I am bad at dealing with crowds and loud noises... more specifically at my home though occasionally outside my house it frustrates me

With me getting into online shopping was a bad thing because I am normally good at not impulse buying... too much

Now, however, I am buying too much 😰

My brain can't deal with quiet or peace because I always begin singing

I wish it wasn't Christmas songs atm but better than Yankee Doodle and Oh My Darling Clementine

I know I am fidgety but most of the time it is non intrusive as it is just me playing with my hair ties or hair, even lightly tapping my feet and hands

Also working in retail i also sway my body when I am not leaning on something

...

Though I then begin to kinda swing on the half wall

Yeah unless I have my phone or I am drawing or helping a customer I wiggle a lot

I am a messy person in everywhere but the living room, kitchen, and bathroom

Also dude in school I was (and still am) really bad with procrastination

If something was due at 11:59 I was working from 7pm until then to get it down

Cause like I would start most things, then procrastinate then get it down

Occasionally, with things, I was even looking forward to do

Part of the problem is i have trouble doing multiple things at once

Like with aquabeads I was doing them for like 2 weeks then interest died again

I adore drawing cats however one project i have been doing with someone just has me stuck

They say it sounds like burn out cause I wanna do the thing but can't

which is making me more frustrated because I have been doing other things to chill

Like drawing my own characters, playing a game i haven't in like a year, etc

Then I say "Oh I will draw the cats [in the project] tonight"

Then I just don't ://

They are understanding, but I am not being nice to myself

I have no idea if this is a symptom but man I rarely ever studied in school

Also any "studying" was me cramming stuff into my brain

Yet somehow besides most math and maybe ap __ history I got mostly B's and A's

Somehow in stats i got a B overall and on the midterm despite getting a couple D's on homework

Also Geometry is dumb because I still don't understand it and it was the only class I was ever failing

My algebra 2 teacher imo sucked because this man saw his class not doing the hw and he instead decided to just stop grading hw. If you had it done you could use it on the test

I did the extra credit for that class just to make sure I would keep my c+/b-

Also cause it wasn't math it was just write about something you learned

My brain just buffers when letters are in the mix

Like I can count by 12 in my head fine and I think fractions could be fun

This may be my anxiety but I need lists of things I need to do and occasionally I need step by step directions for my comfort

Man i remember back in 5th grade when someone called me quiet cause dude when I am excited I am loud

Most days I am quiet but that is because I am bad at interacting with people.

I am both loud and quiet

A consistent thing for me haha

But yeah I am a mostly quiet and shy person as I am not comfortable a lot in public

Not like i wouldn't wear pj's out but that is different

When my brain thinks I need social I will chat a lot

Like all the way back in 8th? grade i was alone in a class with no one i knew and like day 3 I started talking and befriending the girl next to me because I just can't stand my brain apparently

I am getting so sleepy 😴

I can make acquaintances but I have trouble saying friends ://

You know i swear i was fine before I moved in 4th grade

I used to go to friends and now I don't 😕

Oh before I forget I do the shaking hands thing when anything make me wound

Which one day a customer asked if I was hurt

I wasn't as I was just frustrated with a coworker so I was trying to I guess shake of the nerves??

Also I don't really know how me having anxiety med affect anything as the websites I read say that yeah lots of women with adhd could also have such and such

I just don't know how it effects me as my memory is bad with a few thinsg

Ok i need to sleep as I am falling asleep typing this

[thesensationalsittinghipster]

i picked up whatever that prickly tree was and i carried it with me. i am not ruling out hallucination but i hope you believe me i heard a tightly lipped and whispered breathy and drawn out "help". i ran up to it and grabbed it instinctively, almost in a patriarchal way. i mean that in the highest sense of the word. the idea and function of the patriarch was just abused and malformed by arrogant jealous violent men but i do not have time to define, or elaborate on any core beliefs atm. maybe later.

when i unravel this. is it possible?

i followed a black rat, speaking, saying, though I knew it could not understand "brother rat, who must need the plant? the plant, brother rat, this way? just the plant brother rat." and it lead me to the view you have now seen. it is a strangers porch. i realized i could sit on other porches relatively safely, the other day. and it was cathartic. i do no harm. i simply sit. and i am uncomfortable physically because i smoked my last cig around 6 hours ago. quiet here, and quieter still nearby.

it has been 24 hours almost since I sat down. possible snowbirds. this is where the black rat lead me. it stopped and looked at me for a moment, no squeak. just silence and he disappeared under a small pontoon. i treasure his memory as i sit, and wait, for the owner of this porch.

I am going to say love the plants. Here is another.

this is a STRANGE rabbit hole. Because it is not one.

This is a Black Rat Hole. Horse of a Different Color, of sorts, but relevant.

Anyway.

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

RIP your poor inbox since I found the cockles masterlist and started reblogging three days ago. I feel like I've been staring into the sun. I was around here back in the olden days like ~2012ish and while I strongly suspected what I was seeing back then, I had a lot more room for plausible deniability that they were just "really good friends." But now that I've returned to find an avalanche of ten years worth of their interactions, I think my soul has left my body.

My question was if you knew where I can find the full size gif of the "raised in a barn" jensen fixing mishas suit collar moment? It was the first thing i saw that stopped me in my tracks asking wtf i just watched. Misha literally looks like his brain blue screened between the neck touch and the butt pat. I've seen one or two that are partials or zoomed in from the one I remember.

On a personal note, thank you for all the work you did on that massive list. I'm going thru some stuff rn and these nerds are one of the few things that has made me genuinely smile over the last couple days. How can you be sad while looking at those faces?! I might have fallen hard down the rabbit hole but fuck it, it's warm and cozy down here lol.

haha, i've snared another one! 😆

i'm having a difficult time finding the "born in a barn" moment, but i can offer you the video of the moment itself, featuring an audible ass slap 😉

if you really want gifs, i did find one large one on this post, and here are smaller gifs of the whole exchange. (i'd upload them right here, but they're saving as .webp files and i'd have to go to a site to convert them to .gif files and i'm afraid i just can't be arsed atm.)

hope that's what you're looking for! and i'm glad that i can provide an index of happiness while you're going through tough times. cockles is also one of the few things that has kept me smiling on dark days. take care. <3

[demiguy-culture-is]

Hi, ive been questioning my gender for a while and one of the labels i havent really been able to shake is demiboy, but the problem is i dont really feel man-aligned and im not sure im comfortable being called every masculine term (mr, man, boy etc)... What should i do? :(

Hey there!!! Well there are a number of things to consider. I don't know know your exact situation nor your relationship/experience with your gender, so I can only try to help you so much. If anyone wants to chip in with any advice, feel free to do so!

This will be a long post so I'll do a mini TL;DR section at the end :))

Firstly, if you feel as though there is something to the label but don't exactly feel male-aligned, try to give it time and see what parts of it are actually pulling you towards it. Maybe it's the *idea* of being able to have a masculine gender expression rather than gender. In other words, while anyone, regardless of gender identity, can have a masculine expression of their gender, relating to a masculine gender label makes you feel more safe in expressing it.

Secondly, the demiguy label does not solely depend on feeling partly male. There are two parts to the label. So, your gender can feel e.g. 10% male 90% agender, or vice versa, and you can still be a demiguy. I know that this is something that I somehow found quite hard to actually grasp in my mind. No matter what though, you are whole, and no matter how "great" or "small" a part you identify with each, you are still complete and are not missing anything by simply being yourself.

Thirdly, you don't have to be comfortable with every 'masculine' term to ID as a demiguy!!! No demiguy or demigender person (or person in general) should be forced to follow a strict set of binary rules to ID as they wish. The whole point is that you don't have to subscribe to these ideals that people have. Neither you nor anyone should be/feel chained to these supposed "linguistic laws." Even cis people can be uncomfortable with such terms even though they were supposedly "meant" for them. If you are uncomfortable with a term for yourself, don't use it just to feel like you need to fit into someone else's box!

Fourthly, no one can tell you what your gender is or what your relationship with it is. No one. You may also be understanding your gender atm in a certain way, and this may also just be one of the many labels you'll be trying out and having one or another connection to and thats okay!!!

Fifthly, it can also be helpful to think about what male/female-alligned actually means to you. Even just looking back and trying to figure out what gender as a concept means to you can, to some extent, be helpful. Beware tho!!! You can quite easily fall down a rabbit hole and get lost and confused so don't push it too far!!! Take care of yourself!! This time can be confusing enough!!

TL;DR

Take your time. Explore the meanings of terms and what they actually mean to you. Existing outside of the binary means you don't have to subscribe to anyone else's box or understanding of gender. DO WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE EVEN IF THE THINGS YOU DO TO DO SO CHANGE OVER TIME. take breaks - you'll need them. And once again, take. Your. Time.

NOW EVERYONE:

Please take care of yourselves, and I mean this in all seriousness. It's been a little less than a year since I've realised I'm trans, and I made these past months so much harder than they had to be. (Of course if people weren't the way they are, we wouldn't have have go through as much suffering and turmoil as we do) Don't push yourselves, I know you might want the answers ASAP but it's not worth sacrificing everything else for.

I'm also here to talk anytime you need it about this stuff.

💙💙💙

[igarbagecannoteven]

oh megs these are good ones i have a lot of questions. 1, 2, 7, 10, 20, 21, 28, 33, and 38 if you would like! -hazel

hiya hazel! thanks for sending these in i hope you're having a good evening!

1. which of your fics would you keep the basic plot of but rewrite completely? oooo that's a hard one! ig if we're talking about my posted fics (since i'm doing just that with some of my unposted fics lol) maybe roll the window down (let the air blown 'round you)? not because i think it's a bad fic or anything, i'm actually rather proud of it as a drabble, but i think it would be fun to take that from a little snapshot of a moment and expand upon it into a full length fic.

2. anything you'd like to write but feel unable to? i talked about one concept here, but another thing i'd love to write that i'm currently unable to write but am determined to get there eventually is my hotel california songfic concept. it will happen someday or i will cry but it'd be long and have a lot of moving pieces plus the plot is hard to puzzle out so overall it's just. not at my level atm. but i promise when i do finally become good enough to write it it'll knock everyone's socks off

7. your favorite ao3 tag? answered here and here, but my favorite unofficial ao3 tag is the "no beta we die like [insert character(s) with a canonic death]" it's just so fun and gets tailored for each fandom which i enjoy! (i'm down the rabbit hole of the batman 2022 fics and there's been a lot of "no beta we die like bruce wayne's parents" which is exactly my kind of morbid humor lol)

10. top three favorite fic tropes? slowburn!!! friends to lovers!!!!!! mutual pining!!!!!!!

20. do you work on a single project or many projects at a time? how does that work for you? i am currently working on well over thirty wips (it's grown significantly since the last time i counted so we could be around 40) and those are only the ones i'm *actively* working on so. yeah def many projects lol. it both works very well and not so well in that it's great bc no matter what mood i'm in to write a specific kind of vibe i have a wip ready and waiting to be expanded, but it also means it takes me even longer to finish things so. bit of a give and take thing going on lol.

21. can you accurately predict how long your fics are going to be? if you can, what’s your secret? answered here, but i didn't really go into the second part of the question so i'll touch on that! i can estimate shorter fics lengths largely because i tailor the idea to fit that word count (even if it's longer & less specific than a drabble/555 fic). generally this means the fic will take place over a short period of time with only one or two locations and with little need for exposition, as well as being okay with the reader only seeing a specific fragment of the character's/story's arc!

28. any writing advice that works for you and you feel like sharing? be kind to yourself and keep writing! writing is hard, and anyone who tells you differently is lying. but it's also a skill that can be honed over time as long as you practice it. if you let your insecurities hold you back then you will not get better at writing! so write something terrible! write something so bad you want to set it on fire and then write something worse! everything you write is part of the learning experience, even if you can't see it right away! and when you finish something or see a great line that you wrote, stop and say "hey! i did that! look at me!" because you deserve some love for your writing and there's no guarantee other people will give that to you! so you gotta give it to yourself first and foremost! if there's a writer whose style you want to emulate but don't know how, slow down when reading their stuff and look for the mechanics of the story! how do they make you feel this way? what about that line you loved makes it good? then take all that new knowledge and apply it to your own writing! after you've been writing for a few months/years, open up a word doc just to hype up how awesome you are and describe you overcoming writing obstacles like you're an action hero and then save it to read back on a bad writing day! don't be afraid to look your writing flaws in the eye! never delete anything permanently, you never know when you might want to look back on it/frankenstein it into something new!!

33. give your writing a compliment. (i'm referring to my own action hero writer doc for this one lol) i like that i'm able to tackle a lot of different kinds of stories and themes! you can call my writing many things but one-trick-pony is never one of them lol. also i love how i've grown and am still growing even though writing is very hard for me!

38. “this never happened” fix-it fics or “this happened but” fix-it fics? "this happened but" fix-it fics! in terms of writing, i like the challenge of having to wrestle around the flaws in canon so as to still create the story i want out of it! it's a lot harder to do imo *presses cheek against the glass of my percy weasley character breakdown that's been incomplete for several years and sighs* but it can be worth it in the end!

writing asks!

[420pogpills]

I’m the anon that was talking about the Twitter thing. I’m sorry if this is worded badly but I’m really tired so I just hope it makes a bit of sense

I’d like to start by saying that being part of gen z is so fucking stressful. There is this constant pressure to know what’s going on and to have the right opinions. I remember being too scared to ask my friend what being Demi meant because I thought I was supposed to know just because I’m gay (which its just stupid to have this expectation). I had a panic attack the night when dreams political history was put out because I fell down the rabbit hole of really biased critical blogs and I disagreed with what they were saying, I felt like I was personally being yelled at for being “wrong.” Having the expectation that young kids have the answers to anything is just wrong. It’s stressful and anxiety inducing. Saying that gen z is the generation of change is a lot of pressure to put on kids who can’t even drive. We have to move forward together, as people of different ages and generations to better the world and make positive change.

no worries at all, you’ve worded yourself wonderfully :) my answer got quite lengthy so i’m putting it under here

first of all i am so sorry to hear about how insecure and fearful you’ve been feeling about expressing yourself. please don’t ever be afraid to ask your friends things, because if they are your real friends then they will never judge you. sometimes you can feel so left behind, but those who love you will be more than happy to help you! and on tumblr you can talk to some amazingly nice people, even strangers, who can help as well! 

there are a lot of people who believe there’s only a right and a wrong opinion, but it doesn’t work that way. the point of an opinion is to express your thoughts, and they may not always be in live with the majority, and sometimes they may not be in line with the minority either. sometimes people take things unnecessarily personally, and can tell you that you are wrong just because your beliefs and opinions don’t coincide with their personal beliefs and opinions. does that make you wrong? absolutely not. you just have a different opinion. of course it’s all situational, and certain topics are more sensitive than others but the important thing to know is that everything can be discussed :) 

it must be very stressful, because for example, what i see on twitter can be very extreme. of course it’s important to know what’s going on in the world, it’s important to be aware of your moral compass to make sure you’re making the best decisions that you can make and you’re not hurting anybody. but you can’t be caught up with everything. you can’t be an activist for every single issue, while also living your life, going through school, figuring out what you want to do. 

i admire young people’s desire to make the world a better place. but young people need to learn to pace themselves. you won’t change the world in a day, no matter how aggressive of a stance you take. so tweeting about ‘i won’t forgive you guys for not talking about this’ ‘i can’t believe no one cares about this’ ‘unfollow me if you’re not gonna reblog this’ ‘don’t live tweet this because of x y z going on atm’ - that’s like telling yourselves that you shouldn’t be enjoying yourself right now and you shouldn’t be caring about good things, because sad and horrible things are happening. making people feel guilty for not being caught up with these things, making it sound like someone is an awful person for not retweeting this link or another link - that’s not how you bring forward positive change. 

of course we need to care, and the thing is - we do care! but there’s nothing wrong with getting on twitter and talking about a stream you enjoyed, talking about a tv show you’re excited for, sharing pictures of your favourite band - even when things are happening. because you can’t stop caring about yourself and your happiness and your mental health because bad things are happening. that’s the thing i dislike about twitter - people acting like tweeting and retweeting is the lifeline of change in the world, like that’s what it’s going to take. but the truth is, the real change happens outside. 

do your part, be a better person, sign the petitions and donate where you can if you can, correct your friends if they say something problematic, support the people who’s voices are being overshadowed - that’s what will make a difference. stopping yourself from enjoying yourself online on your twitter profile because people will make you feel like you’re not contributing anything good to the world is not going to help anyone. you should never have to feel shame for wanting to enjoy yourself. 

you are so young. you have so much time to catch up, to learn, to figure things out! the world will change with you. don’t put so much pressure on yourself. you can care about racism, sexism, islamophobia, xenophobia, homophobia - while also caring for yourself. caring about those things shouldn’t go hand in hand with stress and panic and the feeling like you can’t enjoy yourself or ask questions. you’re allowed to be a kid :) 

[lesbiancolumbo]

Hi! I am the capote anon and the fact that you reblogged photos of the Besties even many days later made me smile so hard💓💓💓

I have a another question for you: have you watched Compartment no 6? What do you think about it?

anon! i'm actually so glad you came back because first of all, that was a fun rabbit hole for me to go down, and second of all i totally forgot to tell you another capote and marilyn fact! they're buried in the same cemetery! fairly close to each other too actually. i just remembered this this morning. another fun fact lol truman's crypt is really close to the final resting place of one dearly beloved filmmaker john cassavetes, and so i have visited him fairly often. i actually also don't know if his ashes are even in there anymore? i remember reading that they've been stolen a few times? did we put him back in there? jeez, even in death, that man lived a fucking life huh!

to answer your real question though..... compartment no. 6 is kind of my white whale atm! i really want to watch it for obvious reasons (my in-laws asked me about it like as soon as i saw them, finland was very proud of the potential oscar nom lol) but it just hasn't come out around me yet (and it's not findable through other methods either). it's a film i'll definitely watch asap as soon as i'm able to because i like that filmmaker and my wife and i watched his last feature on a date which was a really love film (and a really lovely date imo!). if you've seen it please let me know how you liked it! i've been waiting with baited breath since cannes to watch......

[faedawayyy]

og verse: my plans for the guys.

this gif of chloe is nothing to do with this but i love the bratz lol. triggering topics below! read with caution.

DALLAS JACKSON, 23, third year. 

SECRET: he deals drugs. the jacksons are in the circle of wealthy families in violet springs alongside the calloways, hamiltons, carmichaels, barhams sinclairs etc.but they’re bankrupt, the family has a lot of dark secrets and the main one is that his dad is an addict to both gambling and drugs, to the point where their family is now bankrupt and loaning tons of money from other families are dodgy loan-sharks. the pressure from being the main bread-winner of the family has turned dallas into somebody he never set out to be. 

WHERE HE IS ATM: mentally, dallas is on a rocky road to health. he’s still addicted to drugs himself but after a very messy break-up with zara and a messier one with soraya, he’s working closely with friends to focus on his career and try to at least get his mental health in the right place.  MY PLANS: another downfall is literally inevitable, it’s dallas. i do think he’ll build himself back up to be huge, though, but he has a lot of resentment to a lot of people and can count on both hands the people he actually likes at st judes. i think there’ll be a lot more of OG dallas; hurting people/arguing with those he doesn’t care about etc.  UP COMING PROJECT: justice the album.

MASON CARMICHAEL, 26, fifth year.

SECRET: mason is the only child in the carmichael family who knows that their dad isn’t dead. after getting too close to being tied to a very serious money laundering case, he took his stroke in 2019 as a route out. however, he kept in touch with mason knowing he’s probably the most trustworthy to keep his whereabouts a secret. mason is sitting on the information but it’s getting harder and harder to do when he sees how much the loss of such a key figure is affecting him.  

WHERE HE IS ATM: at the moment, mason and kendall have been trying to start a family and he’s also found out that amy is his daughter. this threw him into a huge dilemma and he clashed extremely hard with madison over it. there are still hard feelings - and towards bash, who was just given the role of amy’s father despite mason knowing nothing about it.  MY PLANS: i think mason is going to want to see amy more and more despite knowing kendall isn’t hot on the idea/neither is madison to an extent. depending on how everything goes, he’ll definitely take madison to caught for joint custody of amy seeing as he’s never refused to be her dad or acknowledge her - he was just never told.  UP COMING PROJECT: princesses, the franchise. 

BRODY CARMICHAEL, 25, fourth year. 

SECRET: brody has very publicly become a father. he and disney have had their relationship watched by the world since they started high school musical at 14. on the outside, he has everything together. he’s the alpha male type; not that that’s great; think the character taylor plays in her “the man” video and pretty untouchable. on the inside, he’s seriously grieving the loss of his dad and isn’t coping well with the pressure of a new family. his drinking problem happens very much behind closed doors and is straining his marriage but divorce isn’t a marriage, both of them are way too invested in being the world’s most perfect couple.

WHERE HE IS ATM: he’s already had a warning from the hospital that another binge like he’s had could be the end of him and he’s on a very stern plan to become sober. again, nobody actually knows this so he’s kind of recovering in silence but i think he’ll genuinely get better.

MY PLANS: it’ll take a long time but he’ll definitely get better. i don’t think plots always have to be about characters spiralling. i’m also planning for him to see his dad by mistake or something of the sort. i feel like a lot of people will assume he’s high/drunk and it’ll really fuck with him but i haven’t sat and thought out of the details. 

UP COMING PROJECT: neighbours 2: sorority rising 

BLAKE CRUZ, 23, third year.

SECRET: he watched his brother die. blake didn’t really know what was happening at the time but when he was 12, his older brother charlie was 16. he’d come in after a night of sneaking out and crept back into their shared room as usual. blake was still awake and heard he was clearly drunk, but that wasn’t out of the ordinary. he only knew something was seriously wrong when he fell asleep, and then woke up a few hours later and realised charlie was unconcious on top of his bed, still in his clothes - he never just passed out and always got ready for bed; even when completely wasted. he finally called for his parents but it was too late. by morning, charlie was pronounced dead and blake is living with the guilt of not saying anything because he didn’t want to get his brother in trouble. instead, he just let him die. he still hasn’t come to terms with it and tells charlie’s old friends that his death was undetermined instead.  WHERE HE IS ATM: blake is very good at burying his memories of charlie and focuses on his relationship and career to stop him from falling down a rabbit hole of guilt and self blame. he’s focused on his new marriage and releasing music with the 5SOS boys, although he’s had his own projects in the works for a very long time - he just doesn’t know how to go about it.  UP COMING PROJECTS: CALM, 5sos. 

OTIS KINGSTON, 21, second year.

SECRET: otis actually wants to become a teacher. he’s enrolled in the academy for acting after his uncle pushed him towards doing it and he’s had moderate success but his true passion lies in teaching others and being out of the spotlight. that’s why he’s very slowly failing on purpose; he wants to be a seventh year and be given more normal career paths. it might have something to do with the fact that he was having an affair with his older brother’s girlfriend who also failed her final year and is currently a student teacher. his brother never bothers with her so it makes it easy for the two of them to sneak around.

WHERE HE IS ATM: otis is very good at pretending. he puts on such a show that when he loses out or doesn’t get a role, people think he’s GENUINELY upset when in reality, he probably did it on purpose. he feels a little bad taking the spot from someone who wants it, but he did what he needs to do.

UP COMING PROJECTS: euphoria (?)

NATE HARWOOD, 23, third year.

SECRET: nate never got into st judes to begin with. he cheated himself in by changing some of his exam results in high school. a good friend of his tried to push him to do the right thing and consider his other options but nate was fixated on getting into the school, along with two more of his friends who initially failed. his friend threatened him and told him that he’d let their professors know if he went through with it. to stop him getting anywhere near, nate and his friends spiked his drink to get him too drunk to remember on prom night; however, he was so drunk he fell down a huge staircase outside the venue on the fire escape and ended up paralysed from the waist down. 

WHERE HE IS ATM: nate has more or less buried the high school mistake but every now and then it comes back to haunt him. at the moment, he’s just making music and doing his best to live the dream he risked WAY too much for. 

UP COMING PROJECTS: a good friend is nice

DARIUS RICHARDS, 24, fourth year.

SECRET: darius is actually a west ivy’s student. he was selected by his principle to secretly enroll in st judes to check out the competition. he’s also behind a lot of the sabotages that have been happening in the school (including the up and coming fire). his main aim is to make sure that west ivy’s is better than st judes in everyway, no matter what it takes. 

WHERE HE IS ATM: he’s hiding in plain sight. nobody suspects a thing from him. darius is being extra careful with the projects he releases and to always stay a little bit below complete stardom - it makes it easier for him to navigate and do things unnoticed. but, he has met people he genuinely likes too and does his best to save them from sabotage. 

UP COMING PROJECTS: starboy

TATE SIMPSON, 26, fifth year. 

SECRET: back to the tragedy in his home...it’s true that tate was never harmed by anyone growing up; not physically, anyway. but that doesn’t mean his home was perfect. his parents were young when they had him and he grew up with little money. this put a lot of strain on them and his dad couldn’t deal with it. he resorted to cheating, drinking and being wildly abusive. there were mornings tate turned up at school without sleeping because he’d been up all night hearing his parent’s argue and fight. it escalated. his father moved on to beating his mother and he’d feel helpless. one night while they were arguing, the fire alarm went off due to them leaving the oven on and it stopped them. so, the next time the fighting got severe and tate heard his mother being beat again, he had an idea. he grabbed a lighter from his parents bedroom and set fire to one of his stuffed animals to set the fire alarm off - it did, and his parents stopped arguing, but not before the fire had spread across the top floor of their home. the fire brigade rescued tate and his father, but not his mother. she passed away and he’s blamed himself ever since. nobody ever found the real case, but that doesn’t make it much better for him.

WHERE HE IS ATM: he’s new and just starting out! 

UP COMING PROJECTS: big time adolescence 

MARCUS CARMICHAEL, 26, fifth year.

SECRET: marcus is often used as his uncle’s scapegoat. james never wanted to get leo, mason or brody too tied into the shadier side of the family business so marcus; child of a single mother and secretly desperate for an in to their world was the perfect candidate. he’s never minded either, to be honest. if he gets paid for shifting some money around or scamming a big time director, so be it. however, the last job he did for james was way too intense, even for him. it included the trafficking of janey and collecting the money made off of her. he had a chance to save her, he knows that, but not without exposing his uncle’s dark secrets. he was never DIRECTLY involved but he knows that doesn’t make him any better. 

WHERE HE IS ATM: marcus is focusing on his acting career and making a conscious effort to be better and stay out of trouble. with ghosts from his past constantly showing up, though, it really is proving to be difficult. 

UP COMING PROJECTS: hemlock grove

ANTHONY HENSHAW, 27, fifth year. 

SECRET: anthony is a stalker. he fixates on people and it gets intense. after being bullied in high school, he latches on to the people who’re nice to him and reads too much into small acts of kindness. he can actually be incredibly dangerous; not many people have noticed yet. 

WHERE HE IS ATM:  he’s currently fixated on natasha but always open for more.

UP COMING PROJECTS: probably some kind of deal with spotlight to shoot different students idk 

KRISTOFER NILSEN, 27, fifth year.

I’LL DO HIM WHEN I CBA 

PHILIP LAWSON, 27, fifth year. 

SECRET: the stunt at the calloway isn’t random. his dad persuaded him to get it in order to get more information on gerald and more specifically, his account details. believe it or not, philip has already managed to access one of his minor accounts after snooping through a secret office of his, but it only had hundreds in there. he’s ok though; he’s ready to play the long game - and steal from all his less privacy-savy friends while he’s waiting.

WHERE HE IS ATM: just starting out! 

UP COMING PROJECTS: big time adolescence/bloom

JUDE BAKER, 18, first year.

SECRET: he’s family are super broke, but he doesn’t let on TOO much. everybody in town knows that his family own the motel that’s on the border of violet springs and london, but that leads to people assuming he’s quite well off or at least average which is how he likes it. his dad is way too carried away with his dream of being a hotel owner which has lead to the baker family selling everything. he literally lives in the motel and really doesn’t have much else to report on.

WHERE HE IS ATM: he’s quiet, anxious and i feel like he’d have one friend who isn’t exactly popular either. all through attending springs park, he was bullied by assholes and st judes was meant to be his fresh start, but he’s realised everybodys worse and with a bigger ego. he keeps himself to himself and is just tries not to be a target. 

UP COMING PROJECTS: stranger things >:) 

EZRA HUGHES, 25, fourth year.

AGAIN I’LL DO IT WHEN I CBB