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fujoshiwarrior · 1 year ago

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i hope you don't mind me adding on to this because i was going to add this as tags but it was starting to get super long (also canto v spoilers):

hong lu has a line in canto v that struck me as random and out of place, and like there was absolutely no reason for it to be there at all. it's this line:

this line goes completely unacknowledged by everyone in the room, even sinclair who just asked him what he was humming about. so what's the point behind having him say this line at all?

afterwards when the sinners discuss if they should go with ahab, hong lu says they don't really have much of a choice but to go with ahab since she was heading to the heart anyway and they don't know left from right inside the whale.

in typical hong lu fashion, he seems kind of airheaded with his suggestion and maybe one could argue that he was naively trusting ahab (if you didn't know any better, of course.) the added context of him pretty much verbatim saying that they have no choice but to go along with ahab gives me the impression that this line was him openly doubting ahab (quite convenient that she just so happened to be on track to lead them exactly where they want to be, hm?) without compromising his carefully crafted airheaded bimboy image he's maintained thus far. it's also worth pointing out that while everyone was deeply suspicious of ahab, the only one who pointed out (or had any idea of) ahab's tendency of seeing straight through people right to exactly what it is they want in order to exploit their goals and desires was ishmael. but hong lu's line here pointing out that it's suspicious how ahab just happened to have the same location for her own goal so they should totally work together and trust her implies he immediately picked up on her tendency to manipulate others' desires for her own benefit. his suggestion to follow her to the heart might seem to contradict this, but he's right that...they really didn't have much of a choice, because feeling their way through the whale would be significantly riskier than having this person albeit suspicious lead them to exactly where they need to go. hong lu seems to have a very good grasp on other people in spite of how tactless he tends to act, this is particularly evident in canto iv in his interactions with yi sang.

this was meant to be more of an aside to what i intended to talk about which isn't related to canto v, but the mention of the ambiguity surrounding hong lu even in his source material and the cutthroat nature of his family reminded me of that.

what i meant to talk about is that hong lu's brother's name is "jia huan", and "jia" seems to be the family name im assuming? this was a random thought i had while reading your post, but what if hong lu isn't related to the jia family and was adopted into it? there's no evidence suggesting this of course, but it made me think for a bit. it would help explain why jia huan doesn't like him, though there are thousands of reasons for why that might be.

another thing i wanted to mention was a color fixer mentioned named the jade qilin

iirc, the jade qilin is first mentioned in library of ruina? i think? but i remember that before the release of limbus company, on the limbus company account there were tweets posted that detailed a conversation between roland and gebura about the current state of fixers. gebura asks him who the current strongest fixer is, and it leads into a discussion about various fixers: two names of note that roland mentions are the red gaze (who we know as vergilius), and the jade qilin.

as you outlined, jade is associated with hong lu and plays an important role in the dream of the red chamber. we know literally nothing about the jade qilin as of right now, but i don't think it's a stretch to say they're probably from hong lu's family.

something that's been on my mind is if hong lu comes from such a rich family...why is he even working as a low grade fixer at limbus company? some of his ids (namely his w corp id) suggest that he was hired because of nepotism. compared to chesed from lobotomy corporation, hong lu is a mystery because we were given an explicit reason why someone so rich was interested in a dingy lab in the middle of nowhere: because he genuinely believed in the seed of light project. granted, limbus company itself is very mysterious and plenty of the sinners' motivations for joining are murky, but hong lu strikes me as particularly strange because again...he's rich. he could have gone anywhere he wanted. jia huan being a part of a rival faction also vying for the golden boughs suggests that maybe their family wants something with the golden boughs, and considering how competitive we know the family is it probably isn't a stretch to think hong lu and jia huan would fight each over who gets it---the question then becomes why they, or why their family, wants the golden boughs

(i realize this is all just my personal speculation, but hong lu is definitely something)

ok i was cooking up another hong lu analysis thing bc i noticed SEVERAL things in his base id art the other day and wanted to share with the class but they just dropped a new one in the canto V trailer and i have some stuff i wanna talk about that one:)

My Hong Lu knowledge and interpretation is very heavily influenced by reading Dream of the Red Chamber, which may not be the best because I don’t know how much Limbus will pull from the book because it’s Long as fuck but I think it’s given me a deeper knowledge of Hong Lu.

Keep in mind this ego is NOT out yet so i could be totally off base depending on what the full animation/corrosion/sin affinities are like and this is totally theorizing but I wanted to have a go at anyway!! And this got totally out of hand so reading is appreciated :)

One of the first things I noticed here is this Hong Lu seems VERY Bao-yu. We still don’t know for sure what Hong Lu is within the context of Red Chamber (i don’t think it’ll be straightforward considering how that book works) but it’s important to note!

He has this little hat on (this is the best pic i can get atm to show it’s not a fancy hair tie, unfortunately the footage we have rn is a little scuffed)

and Bao-yu is ALWAYS depicted with a hat like this.

This could just be because that’s the appropriate outfit for Chinese nobility (I unfortunately have little to no reference point here, feel free to correct me, but from some quick searches hats aren’t ubiquitous and ESPECIALLY not ones of this style.) I think it’s worth noting because it comes up in nearly all modern depictions of Bao-yu.

There’s also the pearl Hong Lu is wearing on his neck/chest area, which is where Bao-yu wears the magic jade he was born with. His jade is translated into Limbus as Hong Lu’s jade eye, but this plus his hat and the abno’s themes REALLY makes me think we are dealing with some Bao-Yu stuff here.

Speaking of the Abno’s themes, now i can actually go over them! All we have for Walking Pearl right now is the MD event (as well as general observation), but there’s a few things that are relevant.

Just based off design, the abnormality seems to be mostly about the precious (the pearl) and the filth (the muck) intermixing. which makes sense with the EGO being named “Effervescent Corrosion” and our holders being Hong Lu and Rodya.

There’s some symbolism around greed/wealth (the offspring filled muck desiring the pearl and fighting for which one will earn it? the muck tarnishing the pearl? ) and I think we should read into that because it’s Hong Lu and Rodya who have this one and they’re both very tied to their financial status. Those two sharing an ego makes me insane for a bunch of reasons but that’s probably for another analysis piece! But duality is REALLY important for those guys and that’s a theme they’re emphasizing here with both the pearl and muck within the clam.

There’s also some elements of shelter/protection/potentially entrapment with the clam’s shell which are HUGE for Hong Lu, especially with his egos so I think those may come up.

But mostly it’s about the mixing of the precious (likely “wealth” here) and the unsavory, which works very well with what we know of the Jia family. The design likely referencing Bao-yu and thematically dealing with the Jia family makes me think each of those individual readings are more likely because they’re deeply tied together!

And now onto the MD event! I did not write this in order so I may repeat stuff here but. I realized I had to cover the design first so here we are!

First thing that stuck out of me is this portion when you choose to sample some of the clam’s slime.

Sibling/family infighting is very Jia family. It reminds me a lot of this line base Hong Lu says.

You could take this a step further because the clam is something that would typically offer shelter from the rest of the world, and even though it protects, its offspring continue to kill and eat each other.

It seems fine, the offspring have this lovely shell for protection, and they have the precious pearl held within, but even as they are sheltered and wealthy. They are still getting killed and eaten by one another! Reminds me of someone I know:)

It reminds me of some bits in the later half of Red Chamber, where family members more obviously start acting behind each other’s backs or turning on each other, some even killing other family members.

Another part of the MD event that I got something out of was the beginning portion.

using specifically jade as the color for the seawater is a Hong Lu thing. I may be reaching with this bc it’s more than likely just flavor text BUT when taking this color with the fact that there’s nothing in the water it makes me think of an important scene in Red Chamber where Bao-Yu is described as an empty shell, so I wanted to mention it. We know Hong Lu has TONS of water motifs, especially when relating to his family (see his base ego)

The main reason I brought up this section of the MD event is because of the question brought up by the last portion.

If you take one thing from Dream Of The Red Chamber into your perception of Hong Lu as a character, it should be the themes of ambiguity, duality, and being between binaries. Because he sure as hell does that a lot!!! (and i’m not just talking about his gender) He is both genuinely curious and sheltered with an urge to learn as much as he can, but he also plays dumb frequently, backpedals and asks a lot of stupid questions on purpose to maintain others’ perceptions of him. He is CONSTANTLY walking the line between truth and illusion and it can be hard to tell which is which and precisely how much is fake or real, which is why I find him such an interesting character to think about.

Tangent about Hong Lu's characterization aside, it's really easy to read this line as about his family's perceptions of him.

Hong Lu (or rather, Bao-yu) can be read as being the source of the contamination in that he is the heir of the Jia family who is just an absolute fucking failure of everything you’d want in an heir for that time period.

The clam containing the filth can be read as Hong Lu’s lies (whether conscious lies or otherwise) to himself and others about the true “filth” of his family. Really good example of this is with another bit of window dialogue, but these lies and half truths come up quite a bit if you know where to look. (what happened to cohort of kin looking to stab each other in the back at every turn???)

We already have Hong Lu’s assorted water motifs (his feet make ripples on the water in his base id, land of illusion has so much water theming and shows the Jia mansion is surrounded by water) so I think this is a reasonable analysis to make :)

There’s some other sections to the MD event, but there’s nothing of note that triggered the Hong Lu sleeper agent in my brain & also this has gone on long enough that I wanna talk about predicting some stuff for the ego!

I am manifesting Gluttony/Gloom/Wrath for this ego!!

Gluttony and gloom are in the MD event’s skill check already and I think tie in nicely with the themes. Gluttony works with the offspring in the muck killing and eating each other and themes of greed with the pearl (plus the ego is primarily green and that’s a pretty good clue) and then gloom comes up a LOT with Hong Lu’s family (Liu Hong Lu, the only one that remarks on his jade eye, is also the only Hong Lu with gloom. land of illusion requires 5 gloom resources and also relates a lot to red chamber/his family) Gloom’s also generally a stand-in for water which exists here.

Wrath in Hong Lu generally manifests in him going “yeah, maybe my family was a little fucked up actually” internally, instead of manifesting as taking direct action about the fucked up things like it works for most other sinners, and acknowledging that his family was at least partially filth and killing and eating eachother (metaphorically. maybe literally) works for that

i am not an expert on sin analysis but i wanted to take a prediction bc it’s fun :)

I have a couple of predictions for corrosion and i’ll be real they are the main reason i wrote this thing because i LOVE when bad things happen to Hong Lu!!

Since this ego seems to be referencing Bao-yu so much i can pull stuff from Red Chamber too which makes it more fun :)

First one I came up with is Hong Lu taking the place of the pearl within the clam and getting locked in there! A bunch of his egos have to do with being controlled/trapped so i think it works and it also can work as a parallel for Bao-yu’s treatment by his family. Bao-yu’s name means precious jade, and he’s often treated more like his namesake than a person, heavily controlled and never allowed to leave the Jia mansion (or, in this case, the clam.) I just think it’d be fun!

My other concept has to do with more Red Chamber stuff, notably what happens when Bao-yu loses his jade. I’m not quite there yet in the text, but from what i’ve heard he becomes incredibly unstable and essentially loses his mind. This sets the Jia family’s downfall into even faster motion and from that point things get REALLY fucked up. Since the pearl here parallels Bao-yu’s jade, I think having a reference to that part of the book would be really fucking crazy for all 5 people who have read 1800+ pages of red chanber to get to chapter 94 where he loses that thing. Also i just want to see Hong Lu lose his mind i KNOW it would be terrifying and chilling. but they may be saving that for his distortion (manifesting)

In my skimming Red Chamber table of contents to find when Bao-yu loses his jade i just found a chapter where Bao-yu’s father admires a pearl but we will just ignore that for now bc this has taken long enough to type already and that is several chapters off. but there may be more analysis when this thing actually comes out!

Thank you for reading this far!! I hope you enjoyed me looking far too deep into an unreleased ego we know next to nothing about for fun! this took WAY longer than expected to type out but i’m glad I did because I loveee telling people about Hong Lu!

There is a very real chance very little of my analysis and prediction is reflected in canon BUT please remember that truth becomes fiction when the fiction’s true and even if this doesn’t turn out to be correct now u know a little more about Hong Lu and the themes he plays with :)

#i hope you dont mind me new oomf i was trying to find a post on your blog about heathcliff #projmoon #also op i like your url

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rommahh · 3 years ago

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I Carry Your Heart

Harry Styles x Reader

Word Count: 4k

{Ahhhh ok so this is my first work like ever. There will definitely be a second part because ive got more to say and it needs a second part. I hope whoever sees and reads this imagine enjoys it. I appreciate comments, likes, reblogs, ideas on what could go into the story, and any form of help and redirection as to how i should write things. Much love, R.}.

Part two

All Y/N wanted tonight was to hang out with her boyfriend, eat a mass amount of junk food, and watch a marvel movie or two. That was all she wanted and that was all she asked of her boyfriend. Instead of any of that happening, she found herself sitting on the nasty kitchen island of her boyfriend's frat at a party that she was trying to avoid going to.

This party was supposedly ‘the party of the year.’ The last rager before finals and then christmas break. Y/N had spent the whole week studying and finishing up end of semester projects hence the want for a chill night. When Harry came to her saying his frat was throwing a party tonight and that he just HAD to be here, Y/N didn't feel like she had a choice but to let him go. She came because she thought this would be the only time she would be able to have some time with Harry after a long week of barely seeing each other. With two vastly different majors, the couple wasnt able to find a lot of time in the middle of school work to make time for just the two of them. Obviously her hopes of quality time with her man were futile because here she was sitting by herself in the kitchen of the frat while Harry drank and got high with his friends in other parts of the house.

Of course she was disappointed. She felt a knot in her throat and a weight on her chest just sitting there in that kitchen. Her white claw was warm now- not that it was any cold when she opened it. She was starting to form a small headache from the too loud music and the ache in her heart was growing.

She stood from the countertop on the search for her boyfriend, hoping he wasn't too far gone from sober. Wiping the back of her jeans from anything that was left on the island, she began walking around the house. She doesn't remember the last time the two of them spent time together by themselves. Of course they occasionally ate dinner together in the dining hall but they were normally surrounded by friends. Y/N wanted to be alone with her boyfriend to talk and bask in his presence.

After pushing through groups of partying humans, she found Harry and at least ten other people sitting around playing some sort of drinking game.

“Y/N! Where have you been?” Luca, one of Harry's frat brothers yelled out to her from the circle. Luca was cool, he was one of the only tolerable boys in this frat aside from Harry. Hearing his girlfriend's name, Harry turned around from where he sat on the ground and reached out for his girlfriend to sit beside him. Much to Y/N’s dismay, Harry was wasted. His eyes were half mass and his words bumped and slurred together. “We are playing truth or dare, wanna play?” Luca asked.

“I don't wanna play but Ill sit and watch.” Sitting next to her boyfriend, she grabbed one of his hands holding it in her lap. She was annoyed at him but it did her no good to show it when he was this drunk.

This game of truth or dare was childish. Dares of licking people's shoes and taking multiple shots had been done and truths about money and relationships were being spilled among the group. It had finally become Harry’s turn to do something, making Y/N tense.

“Ok Harry, I dare you to…” One drunk frat boy started looking around the room trying to come up with something clever. His eyes landed on a pretty girl in the room, Yara, a stuck up girl who for sure got her way no matter what. “I dare you to kiss the hottest girl in the room- obviously not your girlfriend because that defeats the purpose.” The frat boy smirked knowing what his intentions were. Everyone in the group giggles and gasped shocked by the dare but ready to see what was going to go down. Y/N’s brows furrowed as she became angry with the stupid dare.

The ache in her chest seemed to tip over the edge when she felt her boyfriend in the room move to stand up. She grabbed at the bottom of his shirt as a way of stopping him. Harry halted his movements to look down at his girlfriend. He giggled a little.

“You’re not actually going to do this right?” She asked Harry with wide eyes of shock. Harry laughed at her like she made a joke, making her heart hurt even more.”Harry I do not want you to do this just take the shot and lose the dare.” Her tone held warning.

“Don't be silly of course I'm going to. It's just a dare, nothing serious. Don't be so clingy.” He stood walking over to Yara and planted a wet kiss on her mouth. Yara gripped Harry’s shirt and kissed him harder. The kiss went on for a few more seconds, the room absolutely silent out of shock. Harry stepped back from Yara slightly sobering up from his actions. Yara smirked at Y/N, hand gliding down the front of Harry's shirt.

Y/N stood from the seat she was in and scoffed. Scoffed because she should've known Harry would do something like this. Scoffed because it hurt to see her boyfriend do something so careless without any regard for his girl's feelings. She pulled herself together, feeling her throat tighten once again. She was quick to leave the room and down the hall of the frat.

Harry's clumsy steps could be heard from behind her as he mumbled her name. Or at least he tried to. He was still so out of it, his words not making much sense. Y/N was crying now, the strength that she had slowly dissolving as she walked further away from her boyfriend.

“Y/N wait. P-please wait. I cant-” Harry stumbled over his legs behind her falling into the grass of the front yard. The girl couldn't help but turn around looking at her stupid boyfriend. She was choking on sobs now. She wasn't crying over a measly little kiss but over an extreme amount of burnout from school and exhaustion from simply existing. She was crying because her boyfriend ignored her boundaries, crushing and erasing the boundaries she had set in their relationship. Harry tried reaching for her once she had stopped walking. His hand clasped around her wrist, he laid his head down on her shoulder. He hated seeing her cry even if he was too drunk to see why.

“Baby don't leave, Im-Im Sorry.” He hiccuped and burped due to the alcohol. Y/N felt her rage build. Shoving Harry off of her, she crossed her arms across her chest as a way to shield herself from Harry physically. He was hurt by her distance and the wall she put up around her.

“You're an idiot Harry. An idiot!” her sobs grew louder, some stray party goers watching in amusement- some even snapchatting it for shits and giggles. “I didnt want you to kiss her and you did. What provoked you to think that was ok? All I wanted was for us to hang out tonight and just be us and you did this!” She was yelling now. Her hurt is beyond her now. Anger and rage simmered throughout her body making her head dizzy and her fingers curl within themselves. She didnt like being angry. It wasn't an emotion she liked acting on, it felt impersonal.

“Baby I don't under-” Before Harry could finish his sentence he was barfing at his feet. Y/N stepped back disgusted with her boyfriend. She couldn't even feel remorseful because of how angry she was. Luca, the frat brother from earlier, caught up with Harry and his girl only to find Harry doubled over heaving. Luca wrapped his arms around Harry's shoulders.

“I'm sorry Luca but I can't do this tonight. Can you please make sure he gets some water and goes to bed. I-I can't do it tonight, I wish I could but I can't.” Y/N didn't want to leave her boyfriend in this state but she didn't deserve this. She wasn't going to care for her drunk boyfriend when all she wanted to do was care for herself. Selfishly, she enjoyed seeing him this way because of the anger he caused her.

Luca shook his head in understandment. “Of course, I'm really sorry for tonight. He's going to seriously regret this in the morning, especially since it will be circulating all over snapchat in the morning.” Luca waved to Y/N then proceeded to pull Harry into the house. Harry called out for Y/N not wanting to be away from her but Luca pulled him harder.

Harry woke up the next morning feeling like the bottom of a dumpster. He wasn't shocked by that. He knew he got trashed last night, he had planned to. He, just like Y/N, spent all week studying and completing projects while also fulfilling certain responsibilities for his frat. He wanted one night to be a normal teen. So he drank and drank and drank and maybe even smoked some weed. As he tried to recall last night's events he came up with nothing. He didn't understand why Y/N wasn't here with him like she normally would after a party on the weekend. They were normally always together during the weekend. A bad feeling loomed over him. He could tell something wasn't right but decided to put his feelings to the side.

He saw a bottle of water beside his bed making him think she was probably here and left early. Chugging the water he started to go through his socials to see if anyone had posted about the party. He had multiple tagged pics and videos in his notifications from snapchat. Way more than he normally would.

The first video he saw was a video of him and Y/N standing in the front yard of the frat house. Turning the volume all the way up he could hear Y/N yelling, it shocked him. She doesn't normally raise her voice, especially not at him. The angle changed showing her face which was red with anger, eyes filled with unshed tears. He could hear her yelling about him kissing someone else. He felt his heart stop. He had kissed someone else? On the next snap was a picture of him keeled over vomiting on his shoes with the caption saying, ‘are yall seeing this shit?’ Harry was embarrassed but he was more concerned than anything.

His head was hurting but it didn't stop him from rolling out of bed, washing up, and putting on a fresh set of clothes. He checked his phone hoping Y/N had messaged him but nothing was there. He walked into the kitchen only to see luca sitting at the counter eating cereal.

“Hey Harry….” Luca said warily. Luca pushed the cereal around his bowl feeling the tension begin to rise in the room. He felt horrible about his friends.

“Luca...what's up?” Harry was confused by Lucas' wariness.

“So do you remember anything about last night?” Luca asked, setting his cereal down in the sink behind him. Harry started playing with the frayed edges of a bracelet Y/N made for him. It had little beads with her name on it. They made them together at an event on campus.

“I don't, I only saw the videos of Y/N screaming at me. I think I fucked up but I- I don't know what happened.” Harry's cheek flushed with even more embarrassment. Luca awkwardly chuckled scratching the back of his neck.

“You got dared to kiss the hottest girl in the room and um actually did it in front of Y/N...even though she didn't want you to. Which led you guys outside and yeah you know the rest...Im sorry dude, I wish I had stopped you.”

“Who- who did I kiss?” Harrys stomach lurched when he heard Yara’s name come out of Lucas' name. Y/N didn't like Yara and it was understandable. Yara has been pining after Harry since their first year of college. Harry couldn't breathe. He felt disgusted with himself. He could only imagine how Y/N was feeling.

Y/N woke up the same morning, eyes puffy and crusty from tears and head hurting. She probably cried herself into dehydration. She was lucky enough to have no roommate because she wouldn't have wanted someone else to see her breakdown. She still couldn't believe last night went down the way it went down. She couldn't tell if she was just being overdramatic or if her emotions were in the right place. She didn't want to be mad at Harry. He was everything to her, she had an odd connection to him. Meeting him during their freshman welcome week they quickly became best friends with a growing romantic connection in the mix. They started dating before Christmas break. They had grown close so fast that he even came home with her to meet her family for the first few days of break. Even though they were in their junior year of college, Y/N could see them beyond college. She's imagined them getting married, travelling, sharing a home. She saw the whole future with him. She had her doubts though. He was immature just like every other boy in college. He was dumb with his actions and tended to only do things if they benefited him. He had a lot of growing to do as a person, so did she but she wanted to grow with him.

She heard a knock on her door hesitating to answer it because one, it could be Harry, and two, she looked like a wreck. Answering anyways, she was met with a very sorry looking Harry holding a small coffee and bagel from their cafe.

“Hi baby…” He sheepishly said holding out the items. She silently let him through the door not once looking him in the eye. He stepped into her room, setting her treats on her desk. He could see that her bed was messy meaning she recently woke up. Y/N never went about her day without making her bed. He turned back to her and finally their eyes met. He took in all of her facial features, from her puffy eyes, to her downturned lips that looked chapped, to her flushed cheeks that longed to be held for warmth. He hated to see her like this, the last time he saw her so upset was when her parents moved out of her childhood home. It took alot to make Y/N this upset. She was normally really headstrong and vigilant. She knew how to ease her way out of problematic situations and could talk her way through anything.

Harry opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by Y/N holding her hand up in front of his face. “Don't talk. I'm really hurt Harry, so if your plan was to come over here and apologize over bagels- think again.” She snapped, backing up to put space between the two of them. She sat down on her bed while Harry pulled the desk chair out and sat down. He much preferred to be on the bed with her holding her tight but he didn't want to overstep boundaries.

“Love, I don't know where to begin. I'm really sorry for what happened last night. I was really drunk and obviously wasn't in the right headspace.” Harry reached out and touched the tips of her fingers with his. She wanted to move but it felt good to be touched by Harry.

“I told you that a measly little apology won't do Harry. I didn't want you to kiss Yara and you did anyway. You know how Yara feels about you and you just let it happen!” She pulled her hand away remembering the prior night's events. Harry felt himself getting angry too. He felt like he needed to defend himself- even though it would be a very bad idea.

“I think you're being over dramatic.” Wrong move Harry. “It wasn't like I was making out with her!”

“You're joking right?” She scoffed and scooted further up her bed to create more distance. “Harry it's the simple fact that you did something that made me uncomfortable that shouldn't have even happened. I see myself getting married to you and it makes me worry that right now in our relationship you can't respect my boundaries!” She yelled. Harry’s eyes widened as he laughed sarcastically.

“Married? What the fuck are you on about? I'm a junior in college. In what world would it make sense for me to be prepping a relationship for marriage? Once again I think you're being over dramatic.” Her eyes watered hearing Harry's statement.

“I- I guess I'm the only one in this relationship thinking about the future? I thought we were on the same page. I'm not planning our marriage now, obviously. I'm thinking about how elements of our relationship now could play out in the future when we do want to get married. You cheated on me last night. I went to a party you begged ME to go to only to be there for you. I wanted to be here cuddling with you, pigging out on fast food but I was at a party with you and got cheated on!” Her volume rises once again, making Harry shove his chair from underneath him when he stands up.

“You're doing too much right now. I'm not planning a future right now because I don't want this future! I want to be myself without thinking about how to appease my girlfriend. I invited you to the party so you could lighten the fuck up. I love you, I do, but I'm not thinking of marriage and futures. I'm thinking about my life right now and having fun.” Harry snapped right back at her. Her chin wobbled. Obviously her and Harry were on different pages. It hurt so much to hear him say that he didn't want a future with her. Harry didn't mean it though.

“Ok, well I guess that's my fault for assuming we were thinking along the same lines. Um, I don't want to hold you back from being yourself so with that being said, you are a free man Harry.” She pushed herself up from her bed walking to the door ready to escort Harry out.

“Huh? Love, what?” Harry was confused on how they got to this point. Just a few days ago they were in love, meeting in the library to share a lunch and exchanging sweet words determined by their love.

“Listen I have a day full of exams tomorrow so if you could just leave that would be best. You don't really want this so I'm letting you go, Harry.” She had tears rolling down her face, falling from her eyes down to her chin where they fell to the ground in droplets. Harry’s eyes welled up watching his love cry before him.

“I don't-”

“Harry, leave, please.” She opened the door making room for him to go through. He walked through the door turning to look at her. She turned her face away from him whispering a small goodbye before shutting the door. Harry was left in the silent hallway, so silent he could hear his thoughts and the tears hitting the tile floor beneath him. He thinks he stood there for at least thirty more minutes before accepting what had happened and walking away.

Leaving Y/N in her room sobbing like she had never done before. Her tears coated her face and she thought her head could explode right then and there. She didn't want to accept what had happened but she had priorities. She composed herself enough to start studying for her exams.

The week rolled by quickly, Monday meeting Friday in a flash. Exams were done and Christmas break was on the horizon. Students were piling off of campus in a hurry ready to get home to their loved ones. People were outside by cars loading up their winter necessaries and saying their goodbyes to their close friends.

Harry cried everyday this week. He wasn't normally a crier. He hated crying, he hated the feeling of crying and the headache that came from it. He cried because he realized how wrong he was. He missed Y/N. He missed finals week dinner together where they tried to get off campus at least once and be alone for a moment. He missed watching her relax while eating food that wasn't from their school's cafeteria. He would pay for their meal just so she could have one less thing to worry about. They would normally get frozen yogurt right after too, Y/N getting as many toppings as she wanted because Harry would be the one paying. He missed her tight after exam hugs. She would squeeze his shoulders tight, smiling into his neck, telling him how proud she was of him. She would bring him tea in the morning when they met for breakfast. Sometimes they would spend the night in one or the others room so they could have time together to destress and just talk.

Y/N wasn't doing any better. She normally went into exam week feeling confident. She studied too hard not to. But this week she felt like shit. Her heart hurt and she kept thinking about the fight. She feels like she overreacted but hearing Harry talk about their lack of a future hurt nonetheless. She really assumed that they did have a future that included marriage and a life together. She didn't understand where his sudden lack of commitment came from. She regretted dumping him but at the same time she wished he did more to get them back together but he was silent. He hasn't contacted her at all and avoided all of their spots on campus all together.

She stood by her car prepping for her six hours car ride back home. Packing away her clothes and some essentials in the trunk of her car, she heard light footsteps behind her. Closing her trunk she turned to see Harry standing with his hands in his pockets.

“Hi.” He said. She looked at him, putting her own hands in her pockets. It was cold outside, the nippy air hinting at a possibility of snow.

“Hi Harry.” They shared a moment of silence together. Just staring at each other. It felt good to be near each other again. They felt like they could breathe again.

“I had to see you before you left. I know the break is only a month but I didn't want to leave without seeing you.” He replied quietly. She made him feel so shy. Her beauty always made him awestruck. Even in a hoodie with their college's logo and some large sweatpants and some fuzzy crocs, she was the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

“I don't know what to say harry.”

“It's ok. I don't deserve anything from you after what I said. I just wanted to apologize and wish you a good break before you left. I also wanted to give you this.” He pulled a small box and envelope out of the front pocket of his backpack. “I know we agreed on no presents but I think thats a dumb rule and I love you too much to not get you something.” She smiled at his words, taking the gift from his hands.

“Thank you Harry, it means a lot to me. So what are your plans for a break?” She asked him, the tension that was in the air slowly dissipating.

“I couldn't get a flight home until next wednesday so i'll stay here on campus until then.” He shrugged.

“Oh ok. Well tell Anne I said hi. I have to go Harry but I'll see you after the break, ok?” She didn't want to leave him but she didn't want to drive through the dark.

“Ok, love. Drive safe. I lov- I mean have a good break.” Her chest tightened at his hesitation. She wants to hear him say the words but she knows he won't.

“Have a good break Harry.” She whispered. Before getting in her car she stood on her toes placing a kiss on the corner of his mouth. Rubbing her thumb across his cheek and turning away and into her car.

She drove away knowing that her heart was left in that parking lot in the hands of someone she loves way too much.

Harry stood in the parking lot watching his heart drive away for winter wanting nothing more than to be with her.

Part two

#harry styles x reader #frat!harry #i carry your heart #harry styles fic #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #harry styles #harry styles x y/n #college!harry #part 2 coming soon #harry styles smut #fratrry #boyfriend!harry

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spencers-renaissance · 4 years ago

Text

Honeysuckle

Summary: The BAU decide to head out for a picnic one summer afternoon, but they’re soon rudely interrupted by a bee sting and anaphylactic shock. Seeing Spencer carted off in an ambulance is not exactly how they expected the day to go.

Tags: whump, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, hurt spencer, friendship, medical conditions, severe allergic reactions

Pairing: Derek Morgan x Spencer Reid

Word Count: 2.3k

Masterlist // Read on AO3 // Bad Things Happen Bingo

Spencer had initially been wary of Penelope’s invitation to picnic in Meridian Hill Park one beautiful summer afternoon — he burned way too easily and didn’t like exposing himself to insects more than absolutely necessary — but as soon as she’d mentioned Derek was going, he’d given in. He wasn’t about to turn down an afternoon spent in the sun with his best friends and boyfriend. It was a rare day off for the team: one not even spent hanging by their phone expecting to be called in any minute, so they were all insistent on making the most of it.

He’s the last one to arrive, spotting the others sat in the shade of an oak tree, already laughing as they get stuck into their first drinks of the afternoon. Despite his initial hesitations, as soon as he feels the sun on his face and sees his friends he’s immediately glad he turned up and he hurries over to join the rest of the team, his own contributions to the picnic in hand.

“Pretty boy!” Derek shouts, grinning widely as he jumps up from his lazy position on the blanket to wrap Spencer in a hug, before pulling back slightly to kiss him. He can already tell he’s a little tipsy, and although Spencer doesn’t drink he has nothing against everyone else letting their hair down and having fun; God knows they deserve it.

His relationship with Derek is only a few months old, and he still relishes every moment he gets to spend wrapped up in his arms.

“Hey guys.” His words are muffled slightly by Derek’s shoulder as his boyfriend is reluctant to let him go, but as soon as he’s released, he turns to match everyone’s wide grins.

“Did you bring the strawberries?” Emily asks, levelling him with a faux-stern look that she can’t maintain for long, melting back into her relaxed smile soon enough.

“Of course.” He takes a seat on the picnic blanket only to be immediately wrapped into a side hug by Penelope. He hugs back before beginning to unpack his bag.

“What about the icing sugar?” she asks, and her stern glare isn’t fake at all: Spencer knows how seriously Penelope takes a) organisation, and b) sweet treats.

“Who do you take me for?” he laughs, retrieving the fruit and sugar from his bag and taking a swig of the cool lemonade he’d packed in his thermos.

Sometimes he wishes he could go back in time and show lonely, teenage Spencer pictures of days like these. One day, he’ll be twenty six, working at his dream job, and spending his days off in the warmth of the East Coast sun one Sunday afternoon surrounded by his best friends, kissed by his boyfriend at every opportunity. They’ve never asked him to be anything other than exactly who he is, inviting them into their group and doting on him relentlessly, loving him just as much as he loves them.

It’s a luxury you only appreciate when you’ve known the loneliness of summer: when the hum of the AC is the only sound in your stuffy, humid dorm room, and you’re researching the effects of methane on winter weather patterns as you long for cold weather again, because then at least then you don’t have to listen to the excited shouts of friends outside anymore, then it’s acceptable to isolate yourself inside with only yourself and books for company.

He shakes himself out of his miserable recollections and reminds himself to be in the present. Emily has her head in Penelope’s lap as they discuss which incarnation of Doctor Who is the best while JJ and Derek discuss the new jogging park opening up across the border in Virginia. He knows which conversation is more suited to his interests and immediately goes up to bat for the Seventh Doctor, which manages to engage him in a spirited debate with both women.

Soon, though, they find themselves all discussing their workplace embarrassments and recalling the funniest moments from over the last few years, and Spencer loses himself in the heat of the afternoon and the warmth of his friendships. He’s gorged himself on all the strawberries and sandwiches he could stomach, and as the afternoon stretches longer and evening approaches he lies down on the blanket and rests his head in Derek’s lap, mirroring Penelope and Emily. His eyes flutter closed as his full belly and heat of the sun tire him out, and Derek’s fingers thread themselves through Spencer’s long hair, a light and welcome touch.

The haze of his friends still chatting around him as he dozes comfortably is interrupted, however, when he feels a sharp pinch on his wrist and seconds later, he’s fighting for breath. He launches upright, wheezing as he claws at his chest, trying desperately to fill his lungs with enough air.

“Spencer? Oh my God, Spencer, what’s wrong?” Penelope cries, immediately by his side as she looks him over frantically, not knowing what’s happening.

“Derek, call an ambulance,” JJ directs, taking charge as she rushes to Spencer’s side as well. “He’s in anaphylactic shock. Spencer, listen to me, do you have your epi-pen with you?”

Her words manage to get through the panicked haze and light-headedness as he can’t get enough oxygen. He can feel his face swelling and his heart racing, but he’s still coherent enough to point to his bag.

“He didn’t eat anything, though,” Emily says, panicked and confused as she watches her friend have a medical crisis while she’s powerless to help.

“He’s allergic to bees,” JJ says, keeping calm as she prepares the epi-pen and administers it to Spencer’s thigh. “One must have stung him for some reason.”

“There!” Penelope points to the bee sting on Spencer’s wrist and JJ lunges for her bag, rummaging until she finds her credit card which she uses to carefully slide under the stinger and remove it, preventing any more venom from flowing into Spencer’s system.

It’s clear after a few minutes that the epi-pen hasn’t worked: Spencer still feels like he can’t catch his breath and the world is fading slowly as his heart beats out of control and his organs can’t get enough oxygen.

He feels himself be moved gently by various hands as JJ directs the others until he’s leaning up as comfortably as possible against Derek’s chest as Penelope elevates his legs to keep blood flowing to his vital organs.

“It’s okay, Spencer,” JJ says loudly, right in front of his face. It’s blurry and out of focus and he can feel himself losing consciousness fast. “The ambulance is on its way.”

It’s the last thing he hears before he collapses completely as he passes out.

⭐️

It’s dark outside when Spencer finally wakes up. His bed is warm and comfortable and he lets himself listen to the somewhat comfortable steady beeps of the heart monitor and movement of staff and patients around the ward before finally opening his eyes to scan his room.

Derek’s sitting in an uncomfortable hospital chair right next to his bed, sketching what Spencer can only guess are plans for the property he’s just taken on, an empty jello cup balancing on the armrest of his chair.

“Sandwiches and strawberries not fill you up?” he asks, voice croaky as he cracks an eye open. He can’t help but smile, too. He has the best boyfriend and the best friends anyone could ever hope for.

Derek’s head snaps up as he hears Spencer’s voice, setting his notebook and jello aside to grab for Spencer’s hand. “You are something else,” he chuckles. “Your first thought when coming round from a medical disaster is an observation of my eating patterns.” He shakes his head fondly. “ But you know I can’t pass up a tub of jello.”

“That’s true. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you say no when it’s offered.”

“You’re one to talk, pretty boy.”

They lapse into short silence, accompanied only by the quiet beeps of the machines. “Sorry I scared you,” he whispers eventually, feeling guilt wrap itself around his stomach.

“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s not your fault.” Derek looks sincere as he holds Spencer’s hand tighter, careful of the IV in his wrist. “The doctors… they said it was a severe attack, which is probably why the first epi-pen didn’t work. They’re monitoring you overnight to make sure there was no damage to your kidneys, I think. I’ll go find a doctor to tell them you’re awake.”

He moves to get out of his seat, but Spencer pulls him back down, as well as he can when he’s still feeling weak. “No, just… don’t leave,” he asks, his voice coming out a little too pleading for his liking. “Stay.”

The idea of being alone right now twists his stomach; the idea of being without Derek so desperately scary.

“Okay, okay, baby,” Derek relents, sitting back down and running a soothing hand through his tangled hair, Spencer’s eyes fluttering closed at the contact. “I won’t go anywhere if you don’t want me to.” Instead, he presses the button for the nurse.

“Where are the others?” Spencer dares to ask after a few seconds of quiet.

“The nurses weren’t too happy with four people in here,” Derek chuckles. “I’ve been updating them by text; I’ll tell them you’re awake in a minute. JJ saved your life, you know. None of us had any clue what was happening but she was the only one who kept calm and the only one who got us through those awful minutes waiting for the ambulance to show up.”

“I know,” he whispers. “I told her I was allergic to bee stings years ago. It was just an off-hand comment, it never feels like that big a deal… this is only the third time this has ever happened. I guess I don’t feel the need to bring it up.”

“Well that off-hand comment saved your life, pretty boy.” Derek squeezes his eyes closed for a second, and when he opens them the emotion written on his face is heart-wrenching. “God, I can’t believe I could’ve lost you. There were a good few minutes there when I didn’t think you were gonna make it and after… Tobias… I was just so scared.”

Spencer’s stomach clenches at that, imagining the roles reversed is terrifying just as a hypothetical. He can’t even begin to imagine how Derek felt. He reaches a hand out to touch Derek’s face gently, squeezing his hand with the other. “But you didn’t lose me,” he murmurs. “I’m here, I’m okay.”

“Yeah.” His voice is barely a whisper as his eyes close again. “Is it bad that I kind of want bees to go extinct now?” he asks with a wet chuckle a few moments later.

“Derek!” Spencer laughs weakly, acting scandalised. “Bees are fundamental to the global ecosystem. Civilisation would effectively collapse if bees went extinct, it’s definitely not worth eradicating bees for the sake of me avoiding the rarity of anaphylactic shock, not according to the laws of proportionality. It’s actually frightening how fast the bee population is depleting though… did you know that there are only about 2.5 million honey-producing hives left in the US? That’s down from 4.5 million in 1980 and the loss has largely been attributed to colony collapse disorder—”

“Ah, Doctor Reid, you’re awake.” A smiling nurse bustles through the door and comes to check his vitals, fiddling with one of his IVs before taking a step back. “How’s your breathing? Is the nasal cannula okay or would you prefer a full mask?”

“The cannula’s good,” he says, smiling politely. Really, he just wants to get back to telling Derek all the bee facts he can recall. He has some really good ones itching to be let out. “I’m breathing fine, just feel a little weak still.”

“Good. Your vitals all look stable, so a doctor will be round in the morning to talk you through your treatment and medication. Is that okay?”

“That’s fine, thank you,” Spencer nods, and she gives them one last smile before leaving the room and sliding the door shut quietly behind her.

“I should bring her back in,” Derek chuckles as the nurse leaves the room. “She missed out on your bee lecture. Fascinating stuff.”

“Shut up,” Spencer huffs, sinking back against the pillows. “You don’t deserve to hear my bee facts.”

“No,” Derek protests, grinning widely. “I’m joking, baby, carry on. You were telling me about colony collapse disorder.”

Spencer knows that, of course — he does have an eidetic memory after all — but it makes him smile that Derek remembers exactly where he was in his spiel. Maybe Penelope’s onto something when she says that Derek is “whipped” for him. (It had taken at least fifteen minutes for Spencer to fully understand what she meant by that, mostly because he kept asking about the etymology, history, and statistical usage of the word and she kept rolling her eyes, which he would then insist was not an answer.)

“Colony collapse disorder is depressing,” Spencer sighs, feeling quite tired all of a sudden. “I don’t feel like explaining it.”

“It doesn’t sound great.” Derek goes back to threading his fingers through Spencer’s hair. “Why don’t you tell me your favourite three bee facts, and then you can go back to sleep”

Spencer hums, giving it a bit of thought before replying. “Scientists trained bees to score goals in bee soccer in return for a sugary treat, which is especially interesting because they have brains the size of a poppy seed. They communicate with one another by wiggling their butts. It’s like their own language, they tell their nestmates where to go to get the best food. Bees also live in loads of different places, not just in the countryside. My favourite place they live is in marshes and wetlands, because I love insects that live in watery areas.”

“I’d pay to watch bees play soccer,” Derek laughs quietly. “You’re so smart, baby, I’m so proud of you.”

Spencer sighs happily. “Love you,” he murmurs, eyes closing against the exhaustion.

“I love you more.”

Spencer isn’t awake long enough to argue with him.

taglist: @criminalmindsvibez @strippersenseii @hotchgans @suburban--gothic @takeyourleap-of-faith

#my writing #moreid #derek morgan #spencer reid #derek morgan/spencer reid #derek morgan x spencer reid #moreid fic #criminal minds #criminal minds writing #criminal minds fic #spencer reid whump #spencer reid angst #moreid whump #moreid angst #moreid fluff #hurt spencer reid

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rocorambles · 4 years ago

Text

Reminiscent

Pairing: Daichi x Reader

Genre: SFW, 5+1, Soulmate/Reincarnation AU, Angst (there is technically a character death, BUT THERE’S AN ULTIMATELY HAPPY ENDING, I SWEAR), Fluff

Prompt: You woke me up at 3 in the morning for this?

Summary: 5 lifetimes Daichi and you just weren’t meant to be and the 1 lifetime you finally found your happy ending together.

Author’s Note: This is my contribution for my HQ Discord Server’s SFW collaboration. There are so many talented writers on the server and I highly encourage you to check out the collaboration masterlist here to see how everyone decided to run with this spicy prompt. (Masterlist goes live December 1st!)

Tagging @sawamooora since I accidentally scarred her by making her read only the section where there was a character death without the heads up...OOPS, so I guess you can have your happy ending now~

When Daichi meets you in this first lifetime, he can’t help but notice just how different you are from him and he stares at the luxurious fabrics beautifully accentuating your figure, wishing he could wipe off the meticulously and elegantly layered on makeup and see more of your bare face, wanting more than anything to know who you are beneath the graceful and well-mannered smiles and bows you grace the court with. But when he looks down at himself and sees the memories of crimson blood splattered all over his skin and robes, hears the sound of his sword piercing flesh, remembers the way your father enthusiastically thanks him for another job well done as a flash of fear races across your eyes at the corpse of proof he drags in, it’s all too apparent just how different the worlds you live in are.

And really, that should have been it, he should have stopped himself right then and there, stopped thinking about you, stopped his gaze from trailing after you when he sees you roaming around the clan property. But his heart has different plans and here he is, a well respected samurai who works underneath your father, pining after you, a clan leader’s daughter, someone already betrothed to the son of a neighboring clan, someone much too pure and innocent for his blood soaked hands.

He smiles when he sees your posture relax, your body slouch in relief when you think no one is watching you, no pretenses and facades to keep up when it’s just you, unaware of the brown eyes watching you. He clenches his fists so hard his nails threaten to break skin when he hears your secret anguished sobs as he guards your bedroom the night after you meet your fiance for the first time and realize you’ve been doomed to a life with a man who’ll never love you, a man who doesn’t see you as anything more than a political tool. He dreams of a life where he can whisk you away, a life where there would be no consequences if the two of you ran off to live a peaceful, happy life together far far far away from the cruel and cold world of money and power you’re both entangled in.

But there are consequences and he lives with the constant shattering of his heart as he watches the light dim in your eyes as you continue courting your fiance, the cool indifferent look you wear on your face throughout your own wedding ceremony, the way you seem like just a shell of the vibrant young woman he once knew and fell in love with. And yet, he doesn’t do a thing, remaining faithfully by your father’s side and serving your clan for the remainder of his days.

II.

Something jolts inside of Daichi when he sees you in the second lifetime and he can’t help but feel like there’s something familiar about you, something nostalgic about the situation you’re both in as you humbly bow before helping him dress and get ready for the busy day of meetings he has. And you watch in awe as you dutifully trail after him, making sure all his needs are attended to, amazed by just how hardworking, intelligent, and kind the young lord is, so different than the stories you had heard of royals. Not once does he ever treat you as anything less than an equal, not once does he ever lay an unwanted gaze on you, let alone a finger and you find yourself jumping to please him and aid him out of something more than just a sense of responsibility as your heart flutters from just his presence.

You feel honored by how much he entrusts you with when it’s just the two of you in his room and you patiently listen when he throws his disciplined manners out the window, grumbling and ranting about the power-hungry ploys of his fellow royals, the way greed and privilege have corrupted them, how he can’t trust anyone anymore. But when he wonders if he needs to change, to adapt in order to thrive, you surprise the both of you with your vehement outburst as you blather on about how he’s perfect the way he is. And then there’s silence as the two of you look away, both your faces heating up at the hidden message in your words, a message so incredibly inappropriate considering both your positions and the time you live in. But before you can open your mouth and stutter out an apology, you freeze at the warm smile Daichi sends your way, heart racing at the heartfelt, but quiet thank you he utters in response.

Of course nothing happens after that. This is real life after all and Daichi is far too respectful of his family and their reputation, far too noble to smear his clan’s name with taboo affairs, far too kind to hurt his future bride despite the fact that he’s never even met her yet, doesn’t know the first thing about her other than her name, to pursue something just for his own pleasure, his own satisfaction, something that could potentially harm so many others. And you understand. After all, these are the reasons you fell in love with him, and you’re just happy to be able to remain by his side for the rest of your days despite the lancing pain in your chest every time you see him with his wife, with his future children, living a life where you just exist on the sidelines, watching and longing for something you know you’ll never have.

III.

In the third lifetime Daichi meets you in, he can’t understand the regrets of a missed opportunity he feels when you introduce yourself to him, welcoming him to the neighborhood with a basket of freshly baked goods. He knows he should smile, graciously accept your kind (and delicious smelling) gifts and he does, but as he bites into the still warm cookies after you leave, the image of the gold wedding band around your finger is branded in his mind.

In a small rural community like yours, you’re bound to run into each other, especially since your farms are right next to each other and he thinks you look ethereal each morning with the sun rising behind you, a soft golden glow framing you as you gather eggs, milk the cows, and water the crops. But there’s a sense of bitterness he can’t explain when your husband joins you, a hulking stoic figure besides you as he helps you on the fields, and he turns his back on the two of you to tend to his own chores.

There’s nothing “wrong” with your spouse, nothing Daichi can truly fault him for and if he’s honest, if Ushijima wasn’t your husband, he’d have only respect and admiration for the man. He certainly can’t complain about how he treats you and something bittersweet churns inside of him when he sees Ushijima’s usually stern face soften whenever you’re around, when he sees the way Ushijima’s broad shoulders relax whenever you affectionately hold his hand. And although he internally chides himself at night in private when he dreams of what it would be like to be in Ushijima’s shoes, he can’t help but feel relieved, glad that you’ve found someone who loves and treats you well.

But he laughs the silly thought away. Of course you had found someone who loved you. Why wouldn’t you have? And yet that night he dreams of your face, dressed in a beautiful silk robe better suited for the historicals eras of Japan, seated next to someone he somehow knows is your husband, but there’s only loneliness in your eyes and he wakes up with tears in his eyes, unsure why he’s crying, why he’s hoping you never feel alone ever again.

IV.

Daichi should be scared of you when he meets you in the fourth lifetime, but although he’s certainly wary of you, staring at you with his beady eyes from the branches high above your head, he can’t help the curiosity he feels when he sees your small furry body try to leap and paw at him despite how far the distance between the two of you is. And despite all his natural instincts, he feels himself relaxing, cawing teasingly at you as you tire yourself out, fluttering down a few branches closer to you when you give up and just sprawl out on the floor, tail flickering back and forth in interest as you watch him draw nearer. But before he can get any closer, he hears a human voice calling for you and the two of you lock eyes before you rush back to your owner and even after your body squeezes through the little cat door that had been built in the front door, he can’t help but watch your home closely, wondering if he’ll see you again.

To his delight he does see you again, every single day as a matter of fact. On sunny days, he spreads out his wings and swoops down to meet you when you lazily curl up at the base of his tree and sometimes the two of you just lay there together, basking in the warmth of the beautiful day, sometimes the two of you take a stroll together, you trotting down the sidewalk as he flits from tree to tree beside you. He’s learned that rain and water in general don’t sit well with you and on gloomier days he glides over to the outside of your favorite window, peering through the glass and cawing warmly when you jump up and curl up on the windowsill, his beak and your nose pressing against the glass across from each other.

But time is limited, especially for a crow like himself, and as you grow bigger and stronger, he begins to lose his appetite, begins to struggle flying for as long or as well as he used to. And although neither of you can speak to each other, there’s an intuitive understanding as you tone down your playing and spend his last remaining days just laying side by side, his feathered body curled up in the warm plush of your fur, your body and tail wrapped protectively around him until he passes away peacefully.

Daichi only has himself to blame for the fifth lifetime being a complete loss. You had caught his eye in a way no girl ever had before when he saw you skillfully racing across the court at the Tokyo training camp. He can’t explain exactly what draws him to you. Sure, you’re attractive, but he’s been around other beautiful girls before, hell Shimizu is the manager of his team and even she’s never captivated him like this. Maybe it’s the fact that he hasn’t seen many talented female volleyball players up close before? But that can’t be it. No other female player in the room even remotely peaks his interest. No...it’s something deeper than that and he swears it feels like there’s an invisible thread tying the two of you together.

He watches and watches until a lanky arm is thrown over his shoulder, a sly voice purring in his ears.

“Sa’amura. My, my, my. I thought a country bumpkin crow like you would have better manners than to gawk at our pretty Tokyo girls like a creep.”

Daichi scowls at the messy haired Nekoma captain, but his face heats up when he realizes how strange he probably looked just staring at a gym full of female athletes. But before he can spout any excuses, Kuroo hums in interest as he follows Daichi’s gaze to see who he had been looking at so intently.

“Well well well. I guess birds do attract each other. You have some good taste, Sa’amura. She’s a great player, although I personally think she would have been a better fit at Nekoma than Fukurodani. She moves a lot like a cat, doesn’t she? But if you want to get closer to her, try talking to Bokuto. They’re both pretty close.”

A cat? Daichi wordlessly waves goodbye to Kuroo who’s strolling away before turning his attention back to you. And he’s surprised to see that there’s something eerily correct about Kuroo’s observation, something about your feline movements that nags at a deep unconscious thread inside of him, and it’s unnervingly easy to imagine you with a tail swishing back and forth behind you, to imagine you with soft ears and claws. But when he blinks, there you are, completely human once again, celebrating a point your team had scored, no cat appendages anywhere in sight.

He doesn’t take Kuroo’s advice, never approaches Bokuto to learn more about you, and he leaves training camp without even exchanging one word with you. But from time to time for the rest of his life, he’ll dream of you, dream of a friendly cat he feels like he used to know and he’ll wake up with a pang of regret, wondering what would have happened if he had the courage to talk to you all those years ago.

VI.

Daichi groans, nursing a hangover as he groggily sits up in bed and turns off the ear splitting alarm. Thank God for humans and their habits, his brain not needing to work at all as he methodically brushes his teeth and throws on his uniform. But as he makes his way to the precinct, he pauses at the corner of the street, intrigued by the sight of a newly opened cafe. There’s technically coffee at work and the smarter and financially responsible choice would be to just wait and drink the free caffeinated liquid, but something draws him into the quaint storefront and before his mind can even catch up to his body, he’s already pushing open the door and walking towards the counter.

He hears your voice ring throughout the small store, telling him you’d be with him in just a moment and he takes his time to peruse the menu, the soothing scent of coffee whetting his appetite and making the pastries in the glass case look even more appealing. He’s narrowed down his options to either the chocolate frosted donut or the coffee cake when he sees you approaching from the corner of his eyes and he smiles only to freeze when he sees your face.

“Do I know you-”

“You look familiar-”

Both of you start and stop talking at the same time and there’s an awkward silence before you both burst out laughing. As you prepare his order, both of you throw out possibilities of where you may have met before, but nothing pans out, and you both shrug your shoulders as you hand over the paper wrapped pastry and piping hot coffee. It’s a big world with tons of people. Perhaps both of you had met someone who looked similar to the other. But as Daichi sips his coffee and as you wait in the cafe for your next customer, neither of you can stop thinking of the other, wondering if you really hadn’t met before.

And maybe it’s that curiosity that leads Daichi to regularly return to your cafe on a daily basis, that leads you to always perk and brighten up when he walks through your door. Daily morning coffee runs before work is how it all starts, but pretty soon you’re seeing him at all times of the day. Sometimes he pops in to order a sandwich and some chips for lunch. Sometimes he’ll plop down at one of your small tables, plugging his laptop into an outlet as he works for hours on end even on the weekends. And sometimes, when there’s no one else in the store, when you’re technically closed, you’ll join him, sharing a new dessert you’re testing for the menu with him and chatting away into the wee hours of the night.

So really, it shouldn’t be a surprise when Daichi nervously enters the cafe right before closing one day, making sure no other customers are around before asking you out on an official first date. And even though you knew that the day where you two would discuss what your relationship exactly was would come soon, your face still heats up. But you eagerly nod, fingers instinctively interweaving with his when he hesitantly reaches to hold your hand and as the two of you walk hand in hand to the restaurant he’s chosen for dinner, you both can’t help but feel like your hands fit perfectly together, like you were made to be with each other.

Romantic candlelit dinners become more frequent casual affairs after a while and the two of you find yourself cuddled up on a couch in comfortable clothing, eating a meal the two of you had cooked together more often than not. You make fun of Daichi’s bachelor closet, dragging him to go shopping and ignoring his squawking when you pay for all his new clothes while he’s still changing in the fitting room. He teases you for how flustered you get when you see him in his cop uniform, purposefully striking a cheesy pose in the doorway only to bend over in a belly bursting laugh when you just wordlessly gape and stutter at the sight.

But the change that both of you love the most is never having to sleep alone again and your bodies slot together perfectly like two puzzle pieces when you curl up with each other in bed, letting sleep, body warmth, and rhythmic breathing lull you both into the best nights of sleep you’ve ever had.

Well, usually that would be the case.

Daichi grumbles as you insistently shove his body until he begrudgingly sits up in bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and batting away your hands that keep on nudging him awake. He looks at you in confusion and maybe the slightest hint of irritation at being woken up at such an ungodly hour of the night, but the bright smile you flash his way softens him and he internally groans about how weak he is for you as he stumbles out of bed, sleepily accepting the bundle of clothes you throw at him and haphazardly throwing them on.

He lets you drag him out the door, shivering a bit as the cold night air wakes him up and he holds you close to him, his cop instincts keeping him alert as he continuously scans the area. You live in a safe neighborhood, but it is the middle of the night and he’d be a hypocrite to not be aware of his surroundings when he’s always warning people not to be out by themselves late at night. But the two of you make it to what he assumes is your final destination unscathed and his jaw drops in disbelief when he sees that you’ve brought them to the neighborhood park.

“You woke me up at 3 in the morning for this?”

You giggle at his outburst, slapping his arm in mock anger as you pull him to sit beside you on one of the benches.

“I checked the weather and tonight’s supposed to have the clearest skies for stargazing! And you and I both have off tomorrow, so it seemed like perfect timing. Don’t be such a grumpy old man.”

And how can Daichi possibly be angry when you’re practically radiant, the soft glow of the stars illuminating your features as you stare up in awe, holding his hand and snuggling into his side as your free hand points at the different constellations you recognize. But the two of you freeze when you hear rustling nearby, letting out a sigh of relief when only a stray cat stalks out from behind a bush and you both watch in amusement as it regally walks towards your bench before plopping down with its stomach bared right at your feet.

But just as Daichi is about to reach down and accept the invitation to pet the furry creature, a loud squawk echoes throughout the area and suddenly the cat is leaping to its feet as a crow swoops down and hops around on the ground just a few feet away. And the two of you watch in amazement as the two creatures play with each other, paws lazily batting at the bird while wings spread wide and teasingly brush against a whiskered face in a practiced friendly dance.

It should be just a light hearted scene, maybe heartwarming at most, but to the two of you it’s more than that and your hearts ache, tears streaming down both your faces in a strange combination of soul crushing sorrow and gratitude for the present. But why is it so sad? Why are you both crying? The two of you shakily laugh, apologizing for your strange behavior as you hurriedly try to wipe the salty streaks away, but they don’t stop, only growing worse and turning into body wracking sobs as pain, loss, regret, and unrequited love built over what feels like multiple lifetimes slam into both of you all at once.

It hurts. It hurts. It hurts.

But like magic it all instantly fades away when the two of you find yourselves tightly wrapped in each other’s arms, your body somehow now in Daichi’s lap as you bury your tear stained face in his chest, his arms wrapped around you in a bone crushing hold as he buries his face in the top of your head. And the two of you just stay like that for a bit as the calming breeze swirls past you, as the creatures and sounds of the night begin to fade away, as the morning sun begins its ascent into the sky, all the while exchanging words of love with each other, words of gratitude for finding each other.

And when the tears have finally all been wiped away and the sun is shining brightly down on both of you, the two of you share a smile before Daichi is ushering both of you back home, jokingly whining about immediately going back to sleep once you both return home, both of you animatedly bantering as you walk away, ignorant of the way the cat and crow lay curled up beside each other, both their eyes never straying from your retreating figures until you’re out of sight.

Neither of you ever discuss that night again. Neither of you ever try to understand and explain the chaotic overwhelming mess of emotions that had bombarded both of you. But every now and then, even after the two of you exchange vows, even after your shared home is filled with children’s laughters and voices, the echoes of that night follow both of you in your dreams and you wake up with tears in your eyes and a lingering ache in your hearts.

But all it takes is a quick glance to your side, the reassurance that both of you are together, right where you belong, to completely snuff out any negative emotions and you let the comforting warmth of love lull you back into slumber, smiles gracing both your lips as Daichi holds you just a bit closer and tighter to him, as you snuggle just a bit more until you’re firmly tucked underneath his chin.

#haikyuu fluff #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu imagines #daichi x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu #haikyuu fic #haikyuu headcanons #daichi #sawamura daichi #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu angst #haikyuu writing

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stardustpinkart · 3 years ago

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Free Tickle Art Prompts

*Deep breath*Okay here goes. I never know what to say, I, get so nervous writing or reaching out, even if its digital XD

But yeah, I was thinking. Ive done some free art prompts before, and I see a lot of artists get commision work for ticklign art, and I wish I did too :) Im not as into it as I once was(more in my teens), but its always something I thought was cute, even as a little kid. I didnet understand it back then but I’d get a senstaion of fun, enjoyment, when seeing tickling scenes in cartoons and stuff :)

I guess part of it, not being asked, is not being that well known an artist? So, heres trying to rectify that.

I’m gonna open five slots, and take into considerations peoples ideas of what they might want to see. Ones already filled, as I liked the idea and right now Im getting back into HP, SO, tickles my fancy right now :) Pun intented.

Oh gee, where to start.

Uh, I prefer cutesy playful tickles or “Mock torture”, yknow like how in cartoons or tv they use it as the cruelest method, “tickle torture” is the worst possible thing they could face. But I am curious about more adult stuff too, and sometimes think Id like to give it a go, see if I could? My arts always been cute, been told that all my life and proud of it :) But, try new things?

What else what else... Well Im open to a lot of ideas, I like stories, I like animation, and Im always looking for new things so I think that Im familiar with a good deal of things? And even if Im not, well, you can ask, if I have a reference, easy as pie. It would also make it easier if your very precise and detialed in what you want, if you have a particular idea in mind :) Saves me redrawing for a start

If I think about fandoms Ive explored, gotten into, or enjoy, most recents would beeee...

Avatar: The Last Air Bender

Infinity Train(Hey if you havent seen this show, you should! Friggin most amazing cartoon I’ve ever seen)

Harry Potter at the moment(was into it as a kid like everyone, finding myself rexploring it at the moment).

She Ra, the Dreamworks remake.

Owl House, I especially like the characters Luz(I wouldve killed for a herione like this as a kid, oddball sweetheart, most of us were the oddball who didnet fit in) and Hunter

Disney, Pixar? I like most of there movies and Coco and Luca were very cute :)

But thats just a cheat sheet of whats on my mind right now, I like a lot of things. Ask me, i might be familair with the fandom you fancy. HOW THIS WORKS, is like a lottery. This is not first come first serve, more taking a chance?Im the same with commisions, if my hearts not in it, I wont draw it. BUT when your stuck for ideas it can be very helpful to get suggestions, and something you think would be really fun to draw, well, never would have thought of unless someone suggested :)

I like to put all my art up because, well, work so hard on it and cant share it? Dont like that, thats just a rule with me. HOWEVER im totally cool with you wanna to be anon, I understand the want of privacy.. Heck here on tumblr you can ASK anon.

Thats parlty why Im doing this on Tumblr, its more likley to be seen, people send in there ideas. I also ask you not harrass, if I take an idea on I will do my best to finish it :) So I ask in return people try and be patient.

Your more than free to check my gallery too, to see if my style is something youd like. Just check under the tags darlings

Well, lets see what happens. I hope this proves fruitful.I really really hope people will ask

Slot 1: Harry Potter Suggestion

Slot 2: Owl House Suggestion

Slot 3: Luca Suggestion

Slot 4: Owl House Suggestion

Slot 5: Little Witch Miyako Chan Suggestion

#tickling #art requests #art lottery #prompts #tickle prompts #tickling art #tickle #ticklish #free art #art

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yioh · 4 years ago

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2020 follow forever :^)

hello it is, but i, ur local frog, yura, i really realllllllllyyyyyyyyyyy wanted to make some kind of post to appreciate everyone on here because , fr, you guys have been such a large part of my life recently and i can not thank you enough... every single person i have interacted with on here has been so wonderful and it’s been such a pleasure to talk with you guys<3

also extremely extremely extremely sorry if i forget anyone, i really really do love every single person i interact with!! this is my first time doing something like this also this is probably filled with typos but im too impatient and lazy to read what i wrote, im so sorry if its weird or something aaaaaaaaaaaa jhdsgjhd

without further ado lets goooooo losers😎

@honeyedmilks sof u are one of the softest people i know, we didn’t get to talk that much this year but i love ur presence in general and it makes me :D when u pop up on my dash/notes hehe, i can’t express just how much i adore ur writing, the vibes and settings and the way u write in general is so my thing and !!!!!!!! <3

@asianmelodrama faizaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa u are mine and a lot of other people’s sunshine on this hellsite !!!! ur blog is so feel good and pretty and relaxing and i love all ur thoughts and ur gifs are soooooooooo pretty and ur so cool !!!!!!!! thank u for being so kind and creative and wonderful and for creating a place so safe and lovely i love u i love uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

@muscosus robin robin robin robin ILUSM !!!!!!! ur so fun to talk to and i find it so amusing that we met each other via druck but then consequently found all our interests colliding and we were literally *shook pikachu* kdhigjdghkjf also whenever u tag me in whale stuff it warms my heart so much and i treasure our friendship so so much !!!

@lesbiangoths OLIVIA why are u so adorable :( everytime u send me an ask im :) ur so creative and talented and ur crocheting stuff looks so COOL !!!!! also ur vibe is just immaculate in general and talking with u is so easy, never change ilu bro

@illiterateopossum ELIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ur DEFINATELY one of the people on here that are MOST special to me, all our conversations are so freaking fun and man, u just get me .... and watching u get into all the dramas and anime i reccomend ??? it makes my heart doki doki hiagsjhjh thank u for always looking out for me and sending me the most loveliest messages, im really really bad with words and i am SHITE with keeping up with messaging but i seriously treasure our friendship so so much, i only hope for good things to happen to you next year and all the years after that, you’re such a kind wonderful person and !!!!!!!!!!!! i love u sm :(

@beesnutz KJDFKHIJFHKD GUSTE i wanna be emotional this one time and tell u that ur seriously such a fun person and the way my brain goes on overdrive from creativity when i talk to you is . insane. i want to bonk ur head with as much cereal as i can, never forget that you will always be the dumb sidekick to me, the superior villain and i WILL lead the way to world domination one day. sometimes i feel like u aren’t even real, you could be an anime character and i wouldn’t even bat an eyelash . ilu <3

@rosa-leche kana kana KANA :^) how are u so ???? sweet ???? adorable ???? wonderful ????? i already had so much fun interacting with you, all ur thoughts and messages are always so sweet and u make me smile SO much, and after the secret santa i feel like we have so much in common !!!!!!!!! do tell me if u ever watch bloom into you hehe, keep being the angel u are, ilusm !

@petekaos RAHUL !!!!!!!!!!!!! meeting u this summer feels like so long ago somehow, you sir!!! are one TALENTED person . it really really amazes me with how much passion you get into things and how much love and adoration you put into the things you create, its so so special .... anytime i see u vibing on my dash it fills me with so much joy, keep doing u bro !!!!

@toptaps zeeeeeeeeeeey you are so lovely :) you’re so gentle and soft and i adore talking with u about nanamin, also u are so cool and i was rly rly happy when u followed me lol, lowkey i admired u from afar jdhjkhdijd i love uuuuuuu

@fushiguroo MY LIL OREO CUTIE PATOOTIE oFC i still remember the first ask u sent me, i was so taken aback and honoured :( and the more and more i talked with you and saw you on my dash i was so happy, you have such good taste and you’re so so cute, take care of urself and stay the precious bean u are ok?

@morksuns sumaya sumaya sumayaaaaaaaaaaaa everytime you interact with me im :D i love all our little convos and ur vibe in general is so peaceful and relaxing, im glad i got to meet you:’) here’s to another year and many more after that, that are filled with only good dramas !!!

@gayvlad NICO (nico niiiiiiiiiiiiii ) YOU DESERVE THE W O R L D. i dont know why but as soon as i had like one convo with u that one time i thought u were such a chill cool person :( im so happy that i get to be friends with you, all ur gifs are so pretty !!!!!!!! ur such a kind person and ur blog is such a warm nice place to be. :)

@cupidhashorns peach ........... PEACH !!!!!!!!!! you might be one of the nicest people in the WORLD , whenever u like my posts, regardless of whether u know what im on about lmao, i feel so seen... its just so nice to know that Someone i listening to the shit you throw into the void on this site lmao, i adore all ur asks and i truly truly appreicate all your messages so much. thank you for finding my blog interesting at all man, i cant tell you enough how happy you make me :)

@guihan arloooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY CAT FRIEND . THE AMOUNT OF SEROTONIN YOU HAVE GIVEN ME IS IMMEASURABLE your cats ................... are so cute .............. !!!!!!!!!!!!!! im so glad i got into tsomd and got to meet you , whenever u tag me in things im !!!!!!!!! also im defo gonna read twwtadsl sometime ksdjkdhjksd you make it sound so good aaaaaaaaaaaaa

@otterplush rey many people have probably already told you this but you are someone so ...... so spectacular and special and incredible and amazing ............ so much of your words has given me SO MUCH comfort in the short time i had known you, seriously. i seem to always stumble on your blog whenever im most hurt and your words have really had an impact on me in the best way possible and i love u so so so so much. i only wish for good things to happen for you and i want to be there for you in a way you are for everyone else !!! you are so warm and kind an generous, everything about your vibe feels so soft... also i always wanna rb everything you rb ndjbshs ur blog is so pretty :(

@aheartandashirt nisaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAA MY KSH THIRST BUDDY KDHJKHDKJHDF fr ive had some of the BEST convos with you, ur taste in dramas is !!!!!!!!!!immaculate !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its so so so fun talking with you and everything you gif looks so nice !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you for being such a lovely friend to me, you’re so easy to talk with and so friendly and nice and <3 *pat pat pat*

@tetsuos dawn dawn !!!! you are !!!!!!!!!! such a talented person !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love ur little corner on the web, its so nice to read all ur thoughts about the dramas you’re watching, all your thoughts are so well thought out and interesting to read and, in general, i adore seeing you do ur thing :) *hug hug *

@heartsofsunlight angel ! your drawings are so beautiful !! you are such a beautiful person in general ! whenever u drop by it makes me so happy, its been so lovely getting to know you, thank you so much for talking to me :) i love uuuuuuu

@metawin jay jay jay !!!!!!!!!!!! for some reason whenever i see u im overcome with so much love !!! everything you make is so beautiful and u are defo one of the most elite people here hehe, also ur cats are ........ so adorable ............

@metawwin aliiiiiiiiiiiii, its been such a pleasure seeing you on here !! ur so soooooo kind and whenever u sent me those adorable asks it made me so happy, you’re like a little happiness fairy, you eminate so much joy and positivity !! also ur singing ... immaculate

@87s min min !!!! u are soooooooooooo adorable, i think ive said this before but u seriously give me little sibling vibes lol, its so fun talking to you, and im so happy that you first popped up to me !!!!!!!!!!! iluuuuuuuu

@joblessquinoa JQ :^) i always associate you with my engineer haha, and that was so long ago !!!!! ur so fun to talk to, and i adore seeing u rb and leave ur thoughts on all the manga and webtoons im reading !!!! in fact whenever u like my posts i aways feel so happy hehe, also . i literally wouldve failed my coding course without u thank u SO much for helping me out * cries*

@gigiesarocha cata CATA CATA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when you first popped up i was so elated to talk to you, u seemed so nice:( and later when u told me u watched joan’s galaxy because of me i was sdhfsgijdfhjkdhjkfh all ur gifs are so unbelieveably gorgeous, i literally go back to the set u made of yioh staring at joan skipping all the time, its so ........ beautiful.......... hopefully we get more wlw content next year and hopefully theyre all as good as joan’s galaxy hehe, iluuuuuuuuuu

@yibobibo aamna my love !!!!!!! how are you so precious ? everytime u reblog any of my posts its an instant serotonin boost, the experience of getting back into mdzs along with u was seriously incomparable, it was so FUN and i wanna go back :( ur such a friendly wonderful and talented person and i adore seeing all ur creativity blossom on this website, ilu aamna !

@brightwin JELLY jelly u are literally the human embodiment of the softest teddy bear in the WORLD . i wanna give u all the hugs and pats i can because u make me so !!!!!!!!! happy and u fill me with so much soft warmth ........... thank u for being u, all ur gifs are so pretty and its been so nice to be able to bask in the light that comes off of u, never change i love u so sooooooooooo much <3

and lastly, some blogs that i really really adore !

@kurusutakatsu @chanagun @yuhaosturtle @jiangyanlisgf @duoerla @yinyu @tichawongtipkanon @jbums @wenqing @lemongrasslesbian @weiixian @schech @kikuism @earthfluuke @0ffgun @yamaguccchi @wullu @seniorwitch @leoyunxi @floraflorenzi @dreamterlude @florbexter @doctorbahnjit

#wow i was so sappy ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ihdsajhkjsdhjkd #2020 follow forever

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iceeckos12 · 4 years ago

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tma fic recs

I’ve seen a couple of fic rec posts floating around. since ive been reading so many excellent fic recently, i thought that id make one as well! please note this list is going to be 99% jonmartin. also buckle up, because this is going to get long.

Completed

the umbrella by Wildehack (tyleet)

"And to think—all of Jonah Magnus’ carefully laid plans, the centuries of scheming, the murders, the sacrifices, all of that work could have been completely undone if Martin Blackwood had gone back for an umbrella" - holdthosebees

Notes: This is probably my go-to fic if i want an apocalypse never happened scenario. The jonmartin is wonderful, as is the h/c.

Diary and Prenon-nous la main by luftballoons99

Diary summary:

Not for the first time since they ran away together, a camera reel of all the things they don't know about one another whirs behind Martin's eyes, and he can't help but look at all the sprawling magnetic tape and wonder if they’re going to wind up a romance or a tragedy.

or: Office parties, garage bands, and the joy of being known.

Prenon-nous la main summary:

They still haven't talked about it, any of it, not even to pass the time on the long train ride to Scotland. Instead, Martin fell asleep in the seat next to him, pressed into his side from shoulder to knee, and Jon thought about love confessions and verb tense and how the two fit together when you think you're dying.

or: Good cows, mediocre poetry, and other crucial topics of discussion.

Notes: Do you love impeccable safehouse jonmartin characterization? do you love characters grappling with the mortifying ordeal of being known? do you love softness so tender that it makes you want to weep? please read these fic. im begging you.

i’ll tell you about all the times i’ve smiled because of you by cryptidkidprem

Summary:

Martin thinks about their shoes, sitting beside each other on the floor by the bed. Thinks of the way Jon wears Martin’s cardigans more often than he wears his own, the way Martin’s started keeping elastics around his wrist because Jon always forgets his own when they go out.

He thinks about all the gentle touches and fussing over each other they’ve done, and how much is still to come over the next… however long Jon will have him.

They have a long way to go, an entire life to build out of the wreckage Jonah Magnus and Peter Lukas left them, but laying together in a comfortable, sleepy quiet, Martin thinks they’ve got a good start going.

Or, Jon quits the Institute, saves the world, and it turns out to be exactly what he needs in order to heal and start moving forward towards building a life with Martin.

Notes: how many times have i reread this fic? more than i can count. jon quits the institute and it’s just full of soft jonmartins. they get married! god i love them.

go softly by doomcountry

Summary:

And there is nothing else besides this.

Notes: every time i remember this fic i reread it. please heed the tags because martin is blinding jon, but he’s like. blinding jon in the most heartbreaking way possible. idk how the author made this so tender but i know i was certainly crying so!

The Reverb in These Holy Halls by Wolftraps (AlwaysBoth)

Summary:

Undoing the apocalypse would have been enough for Jon, if all his people survived. Without them, Jon's only recourse is making it so it never happened in the first place. He's going to do better this time.

Notes: Do you like time travel fixits? i sure like time travel fixits. reverb is an excellent one. heavy on the h/c, I wanted to hug jon so so badly.

Yesterday is Here by CirrusGrey

Summary:

"Who the hell are you?" Jon could feel his hands shaking. The man laughed, taking a step forward and raising a hand to point at him. "I'm you, from the future!" he said, then swayed, eyes going unfocused, and collapsed to the floor in a dead faint. -------- Post-season-four Jon and Martin time travel back to the season one Archives.

Notes: Yet another time travel fixit! also excellent. the teasing was HYSTERICAL. also Im just going to say this now - CirrusGrey in general writes incredible tma fic. You can’t really go wrong.

unassigned supplementals by bibliocratic

Notes: I won’t put in a summary just because it’s a long series of oneshots, but bibliocratic’s writing is amazing. Again, you can’t really go wrong with one of their fic!

let the soft animal of your body by autoclaves

Summary:

Standing in the warm kitchen, slats of sepia light filtering through onto the counter in front of him, Martin doesn’t know what to do with his hands. He half expects them to go through the countertop entirely, glossy and solid as it is. He isn’t used to any of it, yet. The safehouse. Jon. Beams of sun pouring into his hands. After being deprived of everything of significance for so long, the longing that crashes over him is almost painful in its tangibility. He wants to laugh, to sob, to scream and hear it echoed back against the neat, square walls of the safehouse.

In the end, he doesn’t do any of these things. He makes eggs instead. He can do that, can’t he? Use his hands for something simple and plain and good.

(Or: In the safehouse after it all, Martin starts cooking.)

Notes: this fic really speaks to me a) because i project on martin like crazy and b) because food is also my love language. this fic is incredibly soft and it’s all about cooking!

“Have you tried turning it on and off again?” by shinyopals

Summary:

I hope you find your new role as Head of the Institute as rewarding as captaining the Tundra, wrote Elias Bouchard, to Peter Lukas. There are so many people working there: all with their own interesting lives, and all desiring your attention and support. I'm sure you will relish the challenge it will bring and enjoy every moment spent with the fine men and women of the Institute. In time I'm confident they'll become like a family to you.

The Magnus Institute has a new boss. The Magnus Institute also has a new tech support technician. These two facts are unrelated, except they both happen at the same time.

Meanwhile Jon's woken up from being dead for six months and for once he's trying his best. He just wishes Martin would stop avoiding him and answer his messages...

Notes: if you’re looking for a good laugh, this fic is SO SO SO FUNNY. i was dying. basically the magnus institute being an absolute bureaucratic nightmare.

hello my old heart by firebirdsuite

Summary:

Peter’s wrong, of course. When it’s all over, Martin does still want to tell Jon everything. It’s just—well, there’s a few things they need to work through first before they can get there.

Martin and Jon find each other again in Scotland.

Notes: it’s all about the yearning. and trust me, the yearning in this fic? im just. i sure do love jonmartin, and this is such soft, loving jonmartin it just makes you want to cry

two ships passing by pyrites

Summary:

Gerard Keay is 10 years old the very first time he tries to run away from home, right around the time that Jonathan Sims has just come into possession of his first Leitner.

Or: One dropped stone can change the way the whole ocean moves.

Notes: again, JONGERRY. MY GOODNESS. this fic is beautiful, the writing is absolutely breathtaking and it owns my heart. im so in love with it. the author said you’re going to have emotions about jon and gerry and jongerry and i said OKAY

Terminal Sight by viv_is_spooky

Summary:

Spider silk weaves through the visions of two Seers. Monstrosity is dawning on them both.

Notes: I’d never read a gerryoliver fic before this, but the execution is EXCELLENT and now im sold on the ship forever. This fic has wonderful prose and great characterization and i love it a whole lot.

Incomplete

assistant archivist au by PitViperOfDoom

Notes: I won’t put a summary since I’m reccing an entire series, but. it is absolutely no secret that i adore jongerry. pit’s assistant archivist au slapped me over the head with some gorgeous jongerry oneshots and then gave me the gift of the main fic (which is still in progress) about head archivist martin. i love this au so so much

dustsceawung by callmearcturus

Summary:

Martin had always been favored by the summer courts, and moving up north to the little village of Lacuna is a difficult adjustment. It's rainy and lonely and everyone seems to have a strange, distant relationship with the local faerie court.

However: there is a strange man in a cloak who walks past Martin's remote little cottage every few days.

However: there is a moth that keeps getting stuck in Martin's house during the rain.

These events are not as disconnected as they first appear.

Notes: you ever just read a fic that you didn’t know that you needed until after you read it? yeah. featuring the fae and moth jon and excellent characterization.

Illicio by ThatOneGirlBehindYou

As the new Archivist debates between life and death, the Eye ponders on what to offer him in order to avoid an encore of the unfortunate situation with his predecessor.

-----

Gerard Keay opens his eyes at what feels like fuck-ass in the morning, inside a room with far too little space and far too much dust.

Notes: This is also the moment where I reveal that im a sucker for jongerrymartin. please read this fic. gerry is brought back from the dead in s4 and everyone is far better off for it.

where there’s a will, we make a way by bubonickitten

Summary:

"So, what does happen if an Eye learns to See within itself?

What happens is this: the Archive Beholds the Watcher – and the Watcher blinks first."

________________________

Jon goes back to before the world ended and tries to forge a different path.

Notes: this time travel fixit is shaping up to be an absolutely incredible read. i love the way this author writes jon so so much, and the characterization is spot on. this whole fic just satisfies some little part of me. god. also!! bubonickitten’s writing in general? beautiful. please check out their other works.

The Timeline of Theseus by Applea

Jon tries to force the Spiral to send him back, but the Sprial's corridors never twist things quite the way you want them to. Back in 1996, Elias has no idea why or how the Eye made such a powerful Avatar out of an 8 year old, especially when said 8 year old doesn't actually know he has any powers at all. Clearly such a child cannot be left outside the Institute's care.

Notes: This fic is legitimately brilliant. The author manages to capture the big ADHD mood and the precociousness of baby Jon while managing to write a wonderful storyline. Time travel! Elderly lesbians! A Jonah who is wildly in over his head but was walloped over the head with paternal instinct! Baby Gerry! What more could you possibly ask for?

rooms full of people who do not love each other yet by seaer

Summary:

“Wanted to ask about a book.” The boy has his hand on the counter, and he leans into it, nonchalant. The library is air-conditioned, but by no means frigid, and Jon can’t help but feel sweaty just looking at the layers he’s wearing; what looks like old leather over an olive-green Magnus pullover over his school shirt. “Do you have A Journal of the Plague Year?”

Jon says, tetchily, “We’re about to close.”

“I know. Do you have A Journal of the Plague Year?”

Notes: I am so in love with this author’s writing style and the way they write the characters!! The jon and gerry friendship is PERFECT and the character interactions are all darling.

if you read these fics please send the authors some love, they definitely deserve it!!

#tma #fic recs #ill update this as i read #seriously some very very good stuff on here #long post

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cuefog · 4 years ago

Text

tog/khunbam fic rec

this is for @cannottranslate because you asked for it and i am grateful for the excuse to make a fic rec post

i expect this will be a long post so i’ll put it under read ↓

i’ll be leaving my own thoughts and comments under each fic (im sorry in advance for rambling too much)!! if you want the full summary and other info please click on the link provided lol

!!webtoon spoilers beware!!

♡ = one of my favourites

canon timeline

(these will be the ones that are set in the canon world and follow major plot events, even if there some changes in the details and relationships)

♡ deep sea blue by Feyren ♡

please read everything written by feyren!!!! lovely prose, wonderfully written khunbam emotional tension. khun braiding his beautiful hair accompanied by symbolism and perfectly crafted metaphor. bonus earrings.

♡ hollow moons by NoteInABottle ♡

please also read everything by noteinabottle!! equally lovely prose, wonderfully written khunbam emotional tension. khun wearing earrings and giving them to bam, accompanied by lots of symbolism and perfectly crafted metaphor. you could probably consider this a companion fic to feyren’s deep sea blue. both of these fics gave me a Thing for khun’s earrings (>_<;)``

take my hand (take my whole life too) by RadiantAshe

our dear ashe has written lots of great stuff but i think this is my favourite!! so much khunbam softness, very classic s3 vibes <33

Chestnuts at Nighttime by khunfounded (ongoing)

khun with a cat who loves him very much, and vice versa. that’s all the explanation you need. this fic overloads my heart with cute soft fluffy feelings!!! (bonus khun and bam dolls with little hands made of velcro so they can hold each other’s hands (ʘ‿ʘ✿) please i can’t take any more of this, somebody help my heart is gonna explode)

a thousand paths to you by LiannaAila

set during the time of khun’s coma. bam travels to a parallel universe and meets an alive and awake khun. this fic is exactly what it says it is and it’s so lovely <3

oh no he’s hot (and other earth-shattering revelations) by Bird_of_Dreams

tldr; bam being thirsty over khun

khun aguero agnis and his growing competency kink by chuuyaya

tldr; khun being thirsty over bam

motion by smokeandwaves (rated Explicit)

set during hell train, khunbam focused. this one is really popular in the fandom!! it’s well written, and if you consider smut a genre i would say this is the best one in the tog tag. lots of emotions, and a wonderful flow of feeling!! also it has a few sequel fics in the series, ‘obedience’ in particular being all about sub!khun,, which is,, (*ﾉωﾉ)

sometimes when i look into your eyes i pretend you're mine by agueros (minamis)

residents of the tower ship jue viole grace and khun aguero agnis and write fanfiction about them (i love these types of fics lmao)

From: Khun by AngrySheepProject and To you who lies with my heart under the sea by Strawbellie666 (ongoing)

khun messaging bam’s pocket when he thought he was dead in s2

canon divergence + future canonverse

(future fics means it’s set in the future of the current canon, which at the nest arc rn)

♡ A World Without You by Breaking_Formation ♡

this one might be my favourite out of all of them. i know it says major character death but it happens in the beginning and there’s a promised happy ending so don’t worry!!! this one is a beautiful 20k word masterpiece.... seriously..... this fic is set after the nest arc, it has lots of Plot and plays around with the world and the lore of the Tower, so it’s already fascinating that way, but the real heart of the story is in the emotions!! if you love witnessing khun’s endless devotion to bam, this is the fic that shows you that devotion reflected right back at khun. it might bring you to tears :’)

♡ Our Hearts Are Made of Stars by Ruinous ♡ (ongoing)

out of the 5 or so other time travel au fics in the tog fandom, this one is definitely my favourite!! time travel aus are all super fun to read, but this one stood out to me especially because it hits all the right spots!! it’s written well and i love the level of foresight, and the emotions detailed into this, it really feels like the friendships and bonds are at the heart of this story and all the fighting stuff will turn out just fine, and everything will be ok :)

♡ enough by Feyren ♡

future fic, set in a cocktail party on the 87th floor. this is so well written!!!!! again, please just read everything written by feyren. the prose is wonderful and everything going on in this fic feels so well-crafted and carefully executed with just the right amount of subtlety in all the emotions. i think it’s gorgeous.

fire and ice by soundscape (ongoing)

set vaguely in the future. still ongoing, and the story feels like it’s just started, but very intriguing plot!! premise is people trying to separate khun from bam + the team trying to deal with shady fug plots

dig down deep by milkywxy (ongoing)

this one is a plotty one!! diverges from canon at the hidden floor arc. bam decides not to let rachel go with them. im super interested to see where this story goes!!

where the current leaves us by macrauchenia (ongoing)

this one is a Plotty one, still in the early stages of plot development but the premise is super interesting!! basically khun takes bam’s place in the bubble with rachel, during the administrator’s test on the 2nd floor. i’m excited to see where this story goes :D

special mentions for “bam climbs the tower” remix concept fics that you might like to check out (this is for you dango, since you said you like togverse canon divergence :D)

Moonlight by Shadow_to_rant (ongoing, khun meets bam in cave instead of rachel)

Timeless Existence by Jazebeth (Barrattiel) (ongoing, time travel au series)

Second Chance by Shadow_to_rant (ongoing, time travel au)

Never Let You Go by eternus (ongoing, time travel au)

Il Principe by euludey (ongoing, bam with different backstory/origins)

Night Never Falls by TripleTurtles (ongoing, au where rachel doesn’t succeed at pushing bam off the bubble on the 2nd floor)

Child of Arlene by MoodleNoodle (ongoing, bam is adopted by jahad before canon timeline)

♡ the king and his lionheart by chuuyaya ♡

khunbam royalty au with bam as king, khun as a genius war strategist. bonus pda in front of a whole courtroom. what more could you want?? this was soooo satisfying to read, i enjoyed it a lot :D (please also check out chuuyaya’s other fics if you like khunbam aus!!)

if there's anything in this life ive been waiting for (its you) by trueaguero (ongoing)

fascinating au where everyone is outside the tower and the tower is part of history. perhaps you could call this a “post-tower au” ?

if my heart was a house by The_Winged_Warrior

very cute magical fantasy au!! khun runs a potion shop and bam is an adventurer

aus are pretty self explanatory so i’ll put the rest in a list:

you are the magic in me by silverinerivers (ongoing, hogwarts au)

hope and legacy by chuuyaya (figure skating au)

♡ jump then fall (i'll catch you) by agueros (minamis) ♡ (figure skating au, consider it a prequel to ‘hope and legacy’, this is a beautiful 13k-word love letter to figure skating <3)

of social media and turtles by chuuyaya (celeb au with social media bits)

i am the last olympian by argenteas (percy jackson au)

who else is there to love but you? by khuns (college au, very soft pining!!)

Lucky coin by bothersomepotato (ongoing, college business majors au)

Greedy Turtles by Alien_ships (ongoing, on the surface it seems like just a pet shop au but there’s a lot of care and attention paid to the characters and relationship dynamics :D)

and i will come to you at every first snow by aguerobaam (khun is a magical doll in a toy store)

the heart heist by paused (ongoing, cyberpunk au)

khun special category

(it’s all about khun here)

♡ all the blue in the world won’t do, without you by NoteInABottle ♡ (ongoing)

multichapter fic set on khun eduan’s 111th floor!! if you’re too impatient to wait for the khun family arc, you should just read this fic. it’s still ongoing as of the time i made this post but it’s already looking to have all the elements i want out of a khun family arc. it’s written so so well too!! noteinabottle is one of my favourite tog authors :D

Brothers and sisters, I'm an atomic bomb by gleek_runner (ongoing series)

a wonderfully well written series of fics focusing on interactions between members of the khun family!!!! im just a sucker for the khun kids and im always starving for khun family content

He Wonders if He Still Breathes by Chocolatesandblood

khun and ran interactions!!

putting his resolve to the test. by soundscape

khun and hachuling interactions!!

Autumn Angel by XprincessxofxspadesX

khunbam meets maria and a series of complicated and fascinating interactions occurs. this was very nice to read ;w;

#trying to stop myself from regurgitating all of the fics on ao3 here #im holding back i swear #this is such a mortifyingly long post #i think i mightve went overboard #hope this is helpful #tog #khunbam #long post #mine #i'll come back and add to this occasionally maybe

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thevalesofanduin · 3 years ago

Text

13. The Clan

Summary

Tatooine is an absolute dump of a planet.

It’s truly no wonder that it’s a criminal and slave trader’s paradise. No-one else would settle on a planet so far away from what anyone would call civilization, with infertile ground, unbearable heat and all that kriffing sand.

No-one else, except for a kid that offers Din an awkward flirty grin and a drink. A kid that shines as bright as the twin suns burning bright in the sky.

Dank farrik.

Pairing & Characters

Din Djarin x Luke Skywalker

Peli Motto, Grogu, Boba Fett, Paz Viszla, the Armorer

Chapter rating, Tags & Warnings

Rating E

Canonical-type violence, cursing, angst, hurt/comfort, slow burn, presumed character death

Total chapters: 13

13. The Clan

Here it is, the one chapter everyone's been waiting for! We're going to wrap it all up like a lovely present with this chapter. Which, because I don't do consistent chapter length in this story at all, is 7K.

Hope it is worth the wait!

Also again, do mind the chapter rating for this one!

Din settles on Corstris with the Covert.

Goes back to bounty hunting and doing odd jobs to sustain them and things with Luke are almost like the old days again, when they’d just met.

Only now, their roles are reversed. Now it’s Din being left behind while Luke takes off taking a little more of his heart with him every time he goes.

It would feel like the story of star-crossed lovers, full with romance and longing. If only there was a reason for it, other than cowardice and stupidity.

It is, in the end, Leia that’s had enough of all the pining first.

Luke’s X-wing holoprojector really isn’t the best, but even he can see the exasperation clearly on his sister’s face. Of course, the hand on her hip and her tone as she speaks do help as well. "When are you going to tell him you love him?"

"Leia!" Luke lets his head thump against the headrest.

"What? You do,” Leia says sharply, accusatory. “Tell him, Luke, because you're moping and I'm suffering."

"Which means I'm suffering too, kid!" Han shouts from somewhere out of view.

Luke closes his eyes. "What if he doesn't feel the same way?"

Leia snorts very un-senator-like. "What did you say he called you?"

"Cyar'ika," he admits.

"And what did Threepio say that meant?"

He feels like he’s ten years old again being berated by aunt Beru for having drank some blue milk that she’d set aside for their visitors of the evening. Caught red-handed with no way out. He also feels a blush rise on his cheeks and he’s grateful that Leia won’t see it. "Beloved."

Leia crosses her arms in front of her chest with a smirk. "I rest my case."

"It could mean like beloved teacher..."

"Suffering, Luke! Suffering!"

---

Luke continues to search for Jedi relics, taking Grogu with him whenever he doesn’t expect danger to keep the little one’s training going.

He’s also still searching for a planet for his Jedi school. He’s told Din it’s not necessarily a school he needs, but Leia’s home on Chandrila is getting full with books and holocrons that Luke would rather have much closer—both for usage and protection. He’s mentioned Yavin IV—which had taken Din by surprise considering Luke’s always said he felt it was too drenched in memories.

And Din finds himself wondering why not here? Why not on Corstris, with him?

Why not?

---

“He’s considering moving to Yavin.”

Din doesn’t mean to say it, certainly not during an early morning spar with Paz, both un-armored as they practice hand-to-hand, as he lies with his helmet in the dust with a vibroknife mockingly against his throat.

Yield, he should have said.

But he hasn’t won a spar in days now and Paz is getting suspicious—and Din himself is getting desperate.

Paz hesitates for a beat at Din’s blurted words and Din uses that hesitation against him. He knocks his helmet against Paz’s, throwing him off balance and he thrusts is body weight up, legs around Paz’s un-armored thighs and flipping them over.

“Damnit, Djarin!” Paz curses, “that’s cheating.” He raises a knee against Din’s inner-thigh, slams a fist against the other’s side and they roll in the dust for a few turns as they kick and hit like they’re uncoordinated teens.

Din’s fist almost collides with Paz’s side, but the other rolls away. “Why Yavin? Why doesn’t he just build something here?”

Huh, Din thinks as he turns himself into a crouch—Paz mirroring the movement. Apparently they are going to have this conversation.

He regrets opening his mouth.

They both stand, fists raised and they circle around each other, assessing. Waiting. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Paz puts a foot forward, leans his body-weight in before retreating—a bluff. “You haven’t asked?”

“Why would I?” Din throws a punch—too frustrated, too fast and too sloppy—and Paz leans to the side, ensuring that Din misses by an embarrassing few inches. He grits his teeth. “It’s his choice to make.”

“Din, you’re an idiot.” Paz throws a punch with a scoff.

Din deflects the other’s fist with his forearm. “He visits all the time, he knows he’s welcome. If he wanted to settle here, he would.” He throws another frustrated punch.

Paz drops down into a crouch. “Would he?” Hits Din in the side. “He visits all the time, yes. Sleeps in your bed too, doesn’t he?”

Din nods stiffly, taking a raspy breath and stepping back. He’s too kriffing caught up in his emotions to win this fight.

“Blindfolded.” Paz says accusingly and uses Din’s stunned silence to his advantage. He lunges, tackles the other to the ground and settles his full weight onto Din’s hips. He leans in close and demands: “Why won’t you ask him to be clan, vod? Are you a Mandalorian or a coward?”

It’s a simple move, one they teach the Foundlings early on to get out of a mount by bigger opponents.

Your right elbow against their inner-knee. Lift your left side, unbalance your opponent. Swing your left leg over your right, trap their foot and pull it over to the inside of your knee. Jam your palm into their crotch, swing your arm around their back and use your right knee to push their chest off of you.

Paz, of course, knows the move well. Is unbalanced by the sheer force of Din’s movements but his body doesn’t roll over like another opponent’s would.

But Din’s not looking to throw him off. Needs wriggle room at the most and blindly reaches out behind him, searching, searching, ah!

His fingers curl against the hilt of the vibroknife and before Paz can blink, Din’s pressed it against his side with a growl. “I’m a Mandalorian.”

Paz scoffs. “Then ask him.”

---

Luke isn’t stupid.

He knows cyar’ika doesn’t mean beloved teacher, knew it the moment Threepio translated the word. With how fond Din always sounds whenever he says it, he knows that it means nothing other than beloved.

It’s somehow terrifying, though.

Because it was easy to tell himself he just wants Din to be happy when he didn’t know if his feelings were returned. But they are, the translation of the nickname a testament to that. And while Luke feels like he’s soaring there’s a worry in the back of his mind as well.

The same worry that made him think if he should feel this much makes him wonder if, now that he allows himself those feelings, he will become greedy. Will he eventually want more than Din is willing to offer when he finally gives voice to his feelings? Will it open up something within him, break the dam and let the floods stream down and down and down until they reach an endless sea that’s never fulfilled? Will he love, bright and pure or will he want it all—want to be clan?

So much fear, he hears Obi-Wan say to him one night in a dream. It is that fear that leads to the dark side, Luke.

He opens his eyes and finds himself standing in front of a painfully familiar pyre. Tears burn his eyes as much as the fire seems to burn his skin. “But what if—”

What if you don’t? Obi-Wan’s voice interrupts.

Luke can’t help but snort. “You don’t agree with me. With the way I’m re-building.”

Obi-Wan appears at his side and he regards Luke with that familiar amusement and judgement only the other man can muster. “Maybe not,” he says, “but we also can’t bear to watch you talk yourself to the dark side.”

“I’m not trying to,” Luke mumbles and unconsciously clenches his flesh hand into a fist.

Obi-Wan sighs. “And yet through your fear, you are.”

A hand curls around his fist, untangling it. But it’s not Obi-Wan, who stands on his other side. Luke’s eyes widen. “Father!”

“You had faith in me,” Anakin says and there is a sympathetic smile on his lips, “should you not have that same faith in yourself?”

He wakes up with tears stinging his eyes and wondering if it truly was a dream at all.

---

It is, of course, pure irony that the dream happens to him the night before he’s to track down rumors of a Sister on Ruusan.

Very little remains of the Inquisitorius. Just like the Jedi, they are a far-away memory most in the Galaxy think doesn’t exist anymore outside anything but stories. But just as Luke is the prime example some of the Jedi is still alive, at least, they serve as a reminder that the dark side lives on, too.

Balance is, after all, only achieved when both sides of the scale are equal.

But perhaps it is because of this that his mentor and father decided to visit his dream last night. For if he is to truly face down a Sister today, he should not let his fears cloud his mind.

They don’t.

Not when he finds her—or she finds him, with a cry from her lips and her lightsaber ignited—right on the steps of the temple in the Valley of the Jedi.

Not when red and green clash over and over and over again as they parry and strike in a deadly dance—him smooth and controlled and her quick and unpredictable.

Not when she catches him in the side with her saber and he falls down onto a knee—he screams in agony, yes, but there is no fear in that moment. Only pain.

Not when he grits his teeth through the pain and doubles down on the offense, using both the Force and his saber to push her back, back, back, until she’s in a corner—right where he wants her.

There certainly is no fear as he smirks—side burning and legs shaking—and brings a pillar down with a swoop of his hand. There is only adrenaline when she deflects it, when she’s distracted and Luke grabs his blaster and shoots.

Once, twice, thrice, and she falls down. Shock is etched onto her face as her body crumples, her last breath escaping her. Luke feels victory, then. Relief. As if by killing her, he’s also killed a future of himself that’s worse than any nightmare.

But an inkling of fear curls around his mind when he stands there, his breath raspy and his chest heaving and blood seeping from his side. When he looks at her and wonders what made her turn to the dark side.

Was it hate? Was it greed? Was it fear?

But this fear is different than the one that plagued him before. As if he needed to be here, victor yet bleeding, to realize that this is the one thing that scares him more than anything else.

For staring at the lifeless face of a Sister basked in the red glow of her lightsaber, he finds himself terrified of the thought that if he were to die here and now, he would take his most precious words with him to his grave.

---

By the time he lands between Paz’s WTK-85A and Din’s unrecognizable LAAT/i, his vision is swimming.

He presses the button to open the top of the X-wing and it feels like it takes all his power to take off his helmet and undo his seatbelt.

“Luke?”

“I’m— Din,” he whispers, can’t raise his voice louder and for a moment, he closes his eyes. Maker, he’s tired.

The moment Din sees him, there is bright and wild panic hitting Luke through the Force. “A medic, get us a medic!” he hears Din shout and then Din’s helmet is all he sees, a hand on his cheek all he feels. “Cyar’ika, stay with me.”

Luke feels weak, so weak and dizzy and he needs to do this now or maybe he won’t ever get the chance again. He reaches up a hand by sheer willpower and presses a bloody palm against the side of Din’s helmet. “I love you.”

He’d always thought he’d feel light when he’d finally say the words. Relieved, full of love and if he is floating through the sky and he does feel like he’s floating.

Just not for the right reason.

Before he can hear Din’s reaction, he faints.

---

He is going to kill Luke.

He is going to kiss him, tell him he loves him too and then he is going to kill him.

At least that’s what he tells himself before their medic informs him that Luke’s patched up now, needs some rest but really he isn’t going to die. Before he walks into the room and sees Luke in the bed, pale, but awake.

Then, he can only stride over to the bed and shakily sit down because for a moment he thought, he thought—

He gently cradles Luke’s head between the palms of his hands, leaning forward to touch their foreheads together. Cold beskar against warm skin.

He lets out a breath. “I love you too.”

He feels calm the moment the words leave his mouth. Like he’s suddenly found peace, has come home.

Luke lets out a wet, tearful breath, his own hands coming up to rest against Din’s helmet and for a moment Din wonders if Luke can feel the full depth of his emotions through the Force. “I’m glad.”

Din closes his eyes, basks in the happiness and love that spreads through his body and for a while, he allows himself forget that anything other than Luke exists in the Galaxy.

---

“You know,” he says later, when he’s on the bed, Luke carefully tucked against his side and Grogu in his lap—not in Luke’s, lest he try to heal the other. “Not that I don’t appreciate it. But as far as love confessions go, could not have chosen a better time?”

For this certainly wasn’t how he wanted to tell Luke—how he’d planned it, for he had planned something dank farrik.

He means it at a joke more than anything else. He certainly doesn’t expect the heavy sigh from Luke as the other suddenly looks down at the sheets. “I wanted to. Had wanted it to be romantic but I thought I was going to die. And how afraid I was of never having told you.”

“Cyar’ika,” Din breathes. He reaches out a hand, strokes his thumb over Luke’s before he intertwines their fingers. Maker, how he wishes he could lock the other up and never let him go again so that Luke never has to fear death ever again.

“I know what that means now,” Luke admits, looking up at Din with a blush and a bashful smile. “Threepio translated it for me.”

Ah, Din thinks, he’s been caught. He truly hopes Luke hasn’t been keeping track of exactly how long he’s been using the endearment. It also makes him wonder… “Did he translate anything else for you?”

“Anything else?” Luke asks with a frown that is very quickly replaced with a look that only befits someone who has just realized they’re an idiot. “Ah, kriff! I should’ve asked him for that other one.”

Din chuckles. “Which one?” he asks, although he thinks he knows. There has only been one other Mando’a nickname he’s given Luke, but he is surprised the other still remembers.

Luke grins. “The one from the cave. Although I don’t actually remember it. And I’m pretty sure that one just means idiot.”

“Verd’ika?”

“Yes!” Luke gives him an amused look. “It means idiot, doesn’t it?”

“It means little warrior.” Din squeezes Luke’s hand.

“You—” Luke’s eyes widen almost comically before he’s laughing. “I was shouting at you and you called me a little warrior?”

“You were. All huffy and angry and flushed, shouting at a Mandalorian. Even then you were a warrior and now…” Din’s hand hovers above Luke’s bandaged side and he sighs. “Try not to scare me like that next time.”

Luke leans against Din’s side with an apologetic smile. “I’ll try.”

---

It turns out that Luke’s sister is also less than amused at the other’s overly-dramatic antics.

Din’s not even in the same room but even he can see her scowl, he just needs to close his eyes. Not for the first time, he finds himself thinking he quite likes Leia.

"I told you to finally tell him but I didn’t mean this dramatically!”

Luke sighs. “I thought I was going to die, Leia.”

Din puts down the blaster he’s cleaning and stands up from the kitchen table.

“Why are you like this?"

He steps into the doorway right in time to see Luke pout. “Come on, as if you’re not my twin.”

Din leans against the doorframe with his arms crossed and a fond smile on his lips, watching the twins argue. From where he is standing, he can see the blue holo-image of Leia frown.

“I’m not like that.” Leia shakes her head.

Luke barks a laugh. “You’re saying you’re not dramatic?”

“I’m not.”

“You are!” Luke cries and throws his hands in the air. “Han, I know you’re there! She is, isn’t she?”

“I’m not gonna sleep on the couch for the foreseeable future, kid.”

“Oh come on,” Luke whines.

Din can’t stop the chuckle this time.

This man, this ray of almost literal sunshine with the biggest heart the Galaxy has ever known loves him. He still can’t quite believe that his feelings are returned.

When Luke’s eyes snap up to him, sparkle in mirth as he demands Din to “tell Leia she’s dramatic too!” he can’t wait to finally get to call him clan.

---

“I want to take you somewhere.”

Luke has finally received a clean bill of health, finally giving Din the chance to set his plan in motion.

“Oh?” Luke raises an eyebrow. “Where?”

Din smiles, thinks that soon Luke will be able to see that smile with his own eyes.

Soon.

“It’s a surprise.”

---

Luke looks nothing less than breathtaking as he takes in their surroundings with wonder on his face. It is the exact expression Din had imagined the other to have when shown this place, but seeing it in real life rather than a daydream is so much better.

He watches with fondness as Luke steps forward, out from between the trees and into the clearing. It's nothing big, this half-circle of open space in front of a high rock wall. But the grass waves soft and green on a gentle breeze, and water cascades down the rocks in a small waterfall, collecting in a crystal-clear pool at the bottom of it. Din had loved it the moment he had come upon it, and it seems it's the same for Luke.

Exactly as he'd hoped.

Luke turns away from the pond he'd walked up to and turns to Din, his eyes sparkling exactly like the sun on top of the water behind him. "This place is gorgeous. It feels so peaceful.”

Din allows himself one nervous breath, lets it flow through his body like a wave of apprehension and hope. “A good place for a Jedi school, don’t you think.”

Something in the air seems to still. Or perhaps it’s the whole world falling away around them. The only things existing to Din an excited Grogu in his arms and a painfully hopeful and vulnerable Luke in front of him. “Really?” he asks, voice barely more than a whisper and Luke’s wide, blue eyes are almost hesitant.

Paz was right, Din realizes with startling clarity and painful shame. Luke would never have asked.

He steps toward Luke, joining him in the sunlight in the clearing and it almost feels like a metaphor. For Din the sun seems to be shining, bright and hot and happy, when he says—pleads: “You don’t have to search for a place for your school, it can be right here.”

Luke reaches out a hand, his trembling fingers curling around Din’s where he’s holding Grogu in his arms. One of Grogu’s clawed hands easily slides over Luke’s and the blond looks at it in something like wonderment. Then he raises his eyes to Din’s visor. “Din...”

So close, Din’s heart seems to scream within his chest when their eyes meet. He’s so close to asking for—to having—the one thing he’s wanted for so long now. He thinks he’s felt it burning through his veins the moment their eyes met in the cantina; even if that’s something he didn’t realize or wanted to admit back then. But Luke’s always pulled him in. Has always felt like a promise—of home, of clan.

He raises a hand, cups Luke’s cheek—his whole universe—in the palm of his hands and finally, finally allows himself to murmur: “I can’t watch you leave any longer when every time you go, you take a piece of my heart with you. Stay. Let this be the home you return to. Let me be your home. Marry me, Luke. Become part of my clan.”

Grogu lets out a soft whine when Din finishes, happy but insistent and he tugs in Din’s arm.

Din smiles and ducks his head to look down at his son for a moment before looking up at Luke again. “Part of our clan.”

Luke has a look of utter bewilderment on his face. “I— you…” he stammers, fingers clenching around Din’s as if he doesn’t quite believe he’s heard Din right.

“Patoo!” As if he feels something from his Master, Grogu calls out.

Luke blinks, dragged out of whatever thoughts were running through his mind and a smile that would put even the brightest star to shame breaks out on his face. “I’ve never wanted anything more.”

Din lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. Luke said yes! “Do you... we can do it now, if you want.”

“Now?” Luke’s eyes widen and he lets out a surprised laugh. “Right. I suppose Mandalorians don’t care much for ceremonies and the like.”

Din chuckles. “We can have a party later if you want. No-one would mind a night of drinking.”

“I’m sure,” Luke chuckles before pushing himself up onto his toes so he can gently touch his forehead to Din’s in a keldabe kiss. “How does it work?”

Din leans into the touch for a moment. He’s not really sure if he’s dreaming or not. If he is, he never wants to wake up. “We say the marriage vows together.”

Luke pulls away with a look of surprise. “That’s it?”

“Yes.” Din shrugs.

Luke grins. “Perfect. Do I have to say it in Mando’a?”

Din shakes his head. “You can say it in Basic.”

It would be an absolute delight to hear the words in Mando’a from Luke’s lips, of course. But he doesn’t want to wait that long.

In his arms, Grogu starts wriggling with unhappy noises.

Din frowns. “Hey buddy, you good?”

Luke chuckles. “He says he wants to go look at the pond. I believe there’s frogs.”

“Not interested in seeing us get married?” Din asks with a laugh as he lets Grogu down.

“Bwa,” Grogu chirps, either a no or a thank you, before he wobbles off towards the pond.

“Apparently not,” Luke laughs.

Din straightens. “Well, I am.” He takes off his gloves, drops them to the ground before he steps close to Luke.

“Me too,” Luke breathes.

Din gently takes the other’s hands in his, his heart a thunderstorm in his chest and his voice shaking around the edges as he begins the marriage vows. "Mhi solus tome. We are one when together.”

Luke looks him in the eyes, right through his visor as he always does, and smiles, bright and full of love. “We are one when together.”

He squeezes Luke’s fingers. “Mhi solus dar'tome. We are one when parted.”

Luke squeezes back. “We are one when parted.”

He leans forward, their foreheads touching gently. “Mhi me'dinui an. We will share all.”

Luke sighs happily as he leans almost impossibly closer. “We will share all.”

“Mhi ba'juri verde. We will raise warriors."

Luke chuckles at the phrase. “We will raise warriors.”

Married, Din thinks for a breathless moment. They’re married.

He raises their intertwined hands, heart a nervous flutter, and places Luke’s palms against both sides of his helmet. “Take it off.”

“Din!” Luke gasps, as if somehow Din is making a mistake, a decision he’ll come to regret.

Din chuckles, wondering if it’s possible to love Luke more. “Riduur. Husband. We are clan now.”

The words feel natural rolling off of his tongue. As if this was always meant to be and his very soul knows it.

A clan of three. Finally.

—-

Husband.

Luke feels as if he’s living in a dream right now, if he’s honest. He thought hearing Din say he loves him in return was earth-shattering, a happiness so great he wondered how it hadn’t made him implode. And now here he is and it’s even better.

“I want you to know me, Luke.” Din continues speaking at his silence. “All of me. You and Grogu and no-one else.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Luke blurts, eyes wide and fingers trembling. He doesn’t want Din to think his silence means anything other than the fact that the mere idea of seeing Din’s face has rendered Luke speechless.

He’s loved Din for so long, has loved him before he knew his name and that certainly isn’t going to change when he will see the other’s face. But to finally know, to finally see after all those years, what the man that has stolen his very heart right out of his chest the moment he stepped into a cantina looks like. To know he and Grogu will be the only ones to ever know what Din looks like.

He thinks if hearts could burst out of happiness, his certainly would.

“That’s a first,” Din chuckles. “You don’t have to say anything, cyar’ika. Just take it off.”

Just take it off. Luke laughs awkwardly. “How are you not nervous?” he asks but despite his nerves lifts Din’s helmet.

“I’m terrified,” Din’s whisper is barely audible and Luke almost stops moving altogether. But Din’s hands settle over his. Press both their hands against the beskar and silently urges Luke to keep going.

Luke does, feels like he should close his eyes even if it’s foolish. He doesn’t though and pulls off Din’s helmet completely—having the mind to set it down onto the ground using the Force before he loses himself completely.

Because oh, he might be prejudiced but it’s the most beautiful face Luke has ever seen. He doesn’t know what to look at and burn into his memory first. The few-day stubble, the mustache, the brown hair that falls in little curls around Din’s head or those lips he’s felt so many times that he can feel them on his now if he were to think about it hard enough. But no, in the end it’s soulful, deep brown eyes that remind Luke of the pinnacles in Beggar’s canyon—beautiful and lethal at the same time, just like Din himself. Eyes that hold so much love and fondness that Luke feels tears burn in his eyes—even if those same feelings must mirror in his own eyes.

“Am I that ugly?”

“Ugly?” Luke echoes and allows his fingers to trace Din’s face. His cheeks, where the skin is soft and supple. His chin, which is rough from his stubble. His forehead, etched with wrinkles. “No,” he muses, “it’s the most handsome face I’ve ever seen.”

Din lets of a nervous laugh. “That’s a relief.”

“I’d love you just the same if it weren’t,” Luke promises fondly, letting his fingers trace familiar lips that he’s kissed countless times.

And now, he kisses them again.

—-

That night, they make love.

The act itself is nothing new, but it still feels as if it’s the first time—in a way, it is.

Luke certainly feels nervous when Din lays him down against the sheets, gentler than he ever has before.

“I can’t believe—” Din starts. He doesn’t finish, nor does he have to.

Luke can’t believe it either.

Can’t believe he can reach up his hands, slide them into brown hair and see how Din’s eyes flutter at the touch, how his lips part just a tad as he lets out a familiar happy sigh. “I love you,” he says before he leans up and kisses Din.

Din kisses back, slow and tender at first as if he’s whispering I love you too with his lips.

“Lay down,” Luke says when their kiss breaks.

“Want to be on top today, huh?” Din teases, but obliges regardless.

Luke just hums in reply and, when it’s Din that’s laid out against the sheets, he leans over the other’s body like a shield and kisses him again. Soft, reverent and lingering because today it’s Luke’s turn to worship. For this time he can see the other’s scars as he explores them, something sad yet loving, angry yet grateful in every stroke of his fingertips, in every kiss—he idly wonders for a moment if this is how Din feels whenever he lets his fingers or mouth trail along the deep scars the Force lightning has left on almost the whole of Luke’s upper body. This solemn realization that there have been so many times his beloved could have been taken from him and the infinite gratitude that that isn’t the case. That they are both here, alive and well and married.

“Luke.”

He doesn’t startle at rough fingers sliding into his hair, but it’s a near thing with how lost in thought he was. He raises his eyes, wet with tears, from the deep and long scar on Din’s left side—if he weren’t certain that it would be his way towards the dark side, Luke would’ve gone to Ord Mantell and killed every single person involved in Din’s near-death; a thought he doesn’t let himself entertain often. “It’s different now that I can see them,” he says and with his eyes locked on Din’s presses another kiss down against the scar. “More real, the many ways you could’ve been taken from me.”

Din slides his hand down to Luke’s cheek and smiles. “But I haven’t been.”

“Something I’m forever grateful for,” Luke smiles back and with his voice dipped just a tad lower, adds: “husband.”

Din’s gasp is immediate, the skip of his heart obvious under Luke’s touch.

Luke grins. “You like that?” he murmurs, presses a kiss against Din’s wildly beating heart and lets his hands curve around the other’s chest. “My husband.”

Din’s laugh is breathy. “I thought a Jedi shouldn’t be possessive.”

“They also shouldn’t really get married. And yet here I am.” Luke strokes his fingers down Din’s sides as he kisses his way down the other’s chest. He presses a kiss against the top of Din’s hipbone and looks up at the other. “Yours as much as you are mine.”

Din groans. “Kriff. You can’t say stuff like that.”

“Why not?” Luke asks, laying his cheek down against Din’s hipbone and innocently looking up at his husband while the caress if his fingers find Din’s inner thigh.

Din’s eyes burn when they capture Luke’s. “Because it makes me want to fuck you into the mattress and never let you go.”

“Who’s the possessive one now?,” Luke tuts with a smirk which turns into a yelp when Din pushes himself up and pulls Luke up and into his lap with an ease that makes Luke shiver in excitement.

“Have you seen yourself?” Din asks, and there certainly is a possessive kind of growl to it that sets Luke’s insides alight. “Any Mandalorian would go to war for you.”

A surprised yet excited laugh bubbles up in Luke’s chest. He reaches up to hook his arms around Din’s shoulders, playing with the edges of his hair. “Well, there is only one Mandalorian I am interested in. I’m a married man, you know?”

“That you are,” Din’s smile is utterly besotted. “Ner riduur.”

“I’m going to have to learn Mando’a if I’m to understand you,” Luke teases. “What’s that mean? Ner riduur.” The words feel foreign on his tongue, but somehow saying them feels right. Which is only invigorated by the wave of warmth and love that washes over Luke through the Force like a tsunami, drawing a gasp from his lips.

Din leans in and takes Luke’s chin between his fingers, angling his head so that their lips aren’t even a breath apart and their eyes catch. Din’s eyes burn with love and possessiveness. “My husband,” he says, low and husky and the tremor of his voice shoots down Luke’s spine, making him shudder. Then, he pulls Luke forward and captures his lips into a fierce, bruising kiss that’s all fire and need and lust that makes Luke’s toes curl.

Luke kisses back just as hungrily, slips his fingers up into Din’s hair and scratches his fingernails against the other’s scalp in the way that never fails to make the other shudder and groan. Repeating the action to draw another satisfying groan from his lover’s lips, Luke’s lips kiss their way to the side of the other’s neck. He sucks the sensitive patch of skin right below Din’s ear, tugging slightly at the other’s hair.

“Kriff,” Din curses breathlessly, hips bucking up and Luke groans when their half-hard cocks rub against each other.

When Din wraps his hand around both their cocks, stroking slow and teasing, Luke’s breath stutters against Din’s neck and he arches his back as he pushes his hips forward to almost desperately chase the touch.

“Always so greedy,” Din chuckles and gives the head of Luke’s cock a torturingly slow stroke of his thumb.

“All your fault.” Luke laps at the skin where Din’s neck meets his shoulder before he sucks—it won’t bruise but it’s satisfying all the same.

“Happy to take the blame,” Din chuckles and gives their cocks another stroke before a smirk tugs at his lips as he suggests: “Why don’t you take over here.” He reaches for the lube at the side of the mattress with one hand while he strokes the other around the curve of Luke’s waist and down his spine until it settles on his ass. “And I take care of something else.”

Luke shivers in anticipation, raising his head so he can give Din a lewd, open-mouthed kiss while his flesh hand finds its way down. “I can do— Ah, Din!” he cries when a pair of fingers stroke his entrance. “That’s cold!”

“Sorry.” Din presses a kiss against Luke’s lips that would’ve been apologetic if it wasn’t for the chuckle that interrupts it. He circles Luke’s entrance a few more times, letting the lube warm to the other’s skin before pushing it in. “I’ll warm you up.”

“You better,” Luke gasps, his fingers squeezing around their cocks at the intrusion, making Din gasp as well.

Din prepares him with practiced ease, a second finger quick to join the first and his wrist twisting just so.

Din’s fingers find Luke’s prostate, and the touch draws a whine from his lips and seems to set fireworks off throughout his body.

“So beautiful,” Din all but purrs as he mercilessly finds Luke’s sweet spot with every thrust of his fingers.

It doesn’t take long before Luke’s hand movements become sloppy and his every breath is a gasp as his whole body burns with desire—and still it’s not enough. “Din, Din please. I’m ready.”

“Anything my husband desires,” Din drawls, full of promise and low from arousal. Before Luke can blink, Din’s pulled out his fingers and flips him over with his back onto the bed. He crowds over Luke, cages him between his strong arms and kisses him.

“Din,” he whines against Din’s lips, impatiently bucking his hips up.

Din chuckles and reaches for the lube again, coating himself before he positions himself at Luke’s entrance. “I love you,” he murmurs against Luke’s lips as he slowly pushes in.

“I— hah! Love you too.” Luke gasps and drags an impatient leg up the back of Din’s hip, bucking his hips and forcing the other to slide in further, quicker. “But Maker, hurry up.”

Din’s fingers press into Luke’s hips, his nails digging crescent moons into Luke’s supple skin. Din leans forward to nip a kiss against Luke’s neck, his hips remaining unfairly still. “Impatient much?”

“I’ve been waiting— ah,” Luke gasps as Din slowly rocks his hips forward.

Another nip to Luke’s neck and a tormentingly slow thrust of Din’s hips. “Waiting?”

Luke bucks his hips again with a pleading whine. “Ever since we got married. Wanted you to—”

“Show you who you belong to?” Din drives his hips forward with more force now, a groan falling from his lips.

“Yeees,” Luke keens, hands scrambling against Din’s shoulders and he throws his head back against the pillow. “Come on. Please, ner riduur!”

A growl is the only warning Luke gets before Din pulls back before slamming back in with deep, forceful thrusts that make Luke’s body burn and his toes curl. His fingers press themselves into Din’s back the same way Din’s possessively hold his hips as he fucks Luke.

It’s a quick, almost brutal rhythm Din sets and Luke pushes back to meet every thrust of Din’s hips, giving as good as he gets with breathy gasps and low moans. His cock is caught between their bodies and the friction is like sparklers through his body but it’s not enough.

He wraps his fingers around himself, stroking in the same frantic rhythm of Din’s thrusts, and lets Din’s appreciative groan wash over him. “I’m close.”

The stutter of Din’s hips seems to say me too, as does the nip against the underside of Luke’s jaw that turns into a shuddered groan. “Look at me,” Din gasps, reaching up a hand and stroking his left thumb at the corner of Luke’s closed eyes.

Luke hadn’t realized he’d closed his eyes, as caught up in the building pleasure as he is with all of his senses alight and screaming for Din and more.

“Luke, cyar’ika, open your eyes.”

Luke does.

They both gasp when their eyes meet and Luke wants to remember forever how Din’s brown eyes smolder like the richest earth, burning with lust and hunger for him. It’s all he needs to push him over the edge. He comes with a silent scream, back arching as his orgasm washes over him.

Din isn’t far behind, finding his own release with a shuddering gasp. One hand digging into Luke’s hip as his thrusts become shallow, the other slipping down to weave through blond locks as their eyes stay locked on one another as they come down from their high.

After they’ve both cleaned themselves up a bit, Din pulls Luke against him and Luke happily goes. But while normally he’d tuck himself under Din’s chin, now he keeps his head up; eyes never leaving Din’s face as he looks at it in wonder and amazement.

If you’d asked him a decade ago if he could imagine his life now, this wouldn’t be a part of it. Nothing about his current life would be, if he’s honest. He’s delighted that he’s somehow managed to exceed his own expectations. Wishes he could go back in time to tell his younger self that it will be okay, you will have your struggles but they will all be more than worth it. Because looking at Din’s face now, in the dim light of their bedroom in their home, he feels that every struggle that’s led him to this exact moment was more than worth it—he’d suffer them twice if he’d have to, if it would give them this.

“I love you,” he says, a hand against Din’s cheek and his chest feels light and happy when he sees Din’s eyes fill with happiness.

“Love you too,” Din returns softly and turns his head to press a kiss against Luke’s hand. “Tomorrow morning I’ll talk to the Armorer. About your signet.”

“You have something in mind?” Luke asks, not able to keep the excitement out of his voice. A signet, Din’s signet. He feels as if his heart might burst.

“Oh yes,” Din grins and he looks more almost boyish in that moment, completely relaxed and utterly happy, “I know just the thing.”

---

When the X-wing lands, Din and Grogu are already waiting at the edge of the clearing, eager to be reunited after Luke’s two-week trip off-planet.

Their reunion is always the same nowadays, like a much beloved ritual and Luke’s had a fond, excited smile on his lips since he entered Corstris’ atmo. When he hops out of the X-wing, he is met by Grogu, who is always the first to rush forward despite his short legs.

Grogu easily clambers up Luke’s legs, not needing to be picked up. He settles in the crook of Luke’s left elbow with a satisfied noise and is rewarded with a soft kiss against the top of his head.

“Hi little one,” Luke says, “have you been good?”

“Define good,” Din asks with a chuckle, walking over to Luke and Grogu at a slower pace, always happy to take his time so he can enjoy the sight of his husband and their child’s reunion. When he reaches Luke, he curves an ungloved hand around the back of his head and press their foreheads together.

Luke’s reaction is instant the moment the cold beskar is gently pressed against his forehead, his body sagging as he releases a happy sigh, all tension escaping him now that he’s got his family close.

They bask in each other’s presence, Din not asking about Luke’s trip and Luke not offering—they will, eventually, but that is for later.

It never takes long, though, for Grogu to get impatient and start wriggling in Luke’s arm—knowing very well that Luke always brings him back sweets from his trips.

“Patience,” Din chides with a soft chuckle. “Haven’t you had enough sweets yet?”

Grogu pouts.

Luke chuckles. “He says there’s no such thing as too many sweets.”

“I disagree.” Din shakes his head and even with his helmet manages to give Grogu a stern look.

Luke laughs. “Well perhaps just a few, to celebrate my return.”

“You’re as bad as he is.”

“You love it,” Luke quips, grinning at his husband.

“Maybe,” Din says, crossing his hands in front of his chest even though they all know he means yes.

Luke huffs a laugh. He raises his right hand—his prosthetic not hidden under a black glove anymore now that it’s coated in beskar—and lays it against the signet on Din’s right pauldron. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Din murmurs, reaching up his left hand and placing it over Luke’s against his shoulder. A happy sigh escapes him as he tenderly brushes his thumb over the top of Luke’s hand, over the mudhorn signet proudly displayed on pure beskar.

Finally, Luke is home.

And that was it! To build a home out of desert sand is now finished. It's a strange feeling. This is my longest completed work and it's been an amazing journey and it is both exciting and sad that it has come to an end.

I want to take a moment to thank each and every one of you. For reading, for commenting, for the kudos and for the overwhelming amount of love and support I've received for this fic. This is an amazing community to be in and I love all of you ♥

Star Wars Masterlist

#DinLuke #Din Djarin #Luke Skywalker #the mandalorian #my writing

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ruby-whistler · 3 years ago

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Are you normal or do u sometimes go "IVE BEEN SCARED OF SLEEPING WITH THE LIGHTS ON(off? Idk its hard to decipher)"/lyrics -curious anon

me: oh boy, can't wait to try and make a tumblr blog! Before i do i should research it- *what in the hecking heck is an xkit*

djskdjsk i had no idea what an xkit was until yesterday and when i got it i got too confused and uninstalled it - dw curious anon i don’t use it either i just vibe and do whatever i guess. if you tag correctly and make good posts things should work out, can’t wait to see your acc around!

I got some sad-ist merch :DDD!!

yooo!! that’s so pog for you! it’s probably pretty comfy :D

me standing ominously in your askbox waiting to rec my fav fics:

fjsjdjsk i literally just finished passerine i still have 80 more (some of which are like 300k words long) on my to-read but uh if they have c!dream mischaracterized i’ll not be reading them anyways so it’s very hit-or-miss, will probably get through some of them quicker-

After many moons spent under the dsmp, seeing discourse and analysis alike, i have come to the conclusion i simply do not have the energy to care about any lore outside of c!tubbo and c!tommy's and will only defend them. And that is ok. It is ok to not watch or care about all dsmp or want to discourse about them or analyze. Idk man was thinking deep thoughts today

it’s ok to watch entertainment and enjoy it the way you want to! it’s great to want to enjoy or talk about your fav character!

the problems come up when you attack other people for their perspectives on the medium or spread misinformation about different characters based on only watching the perspective you like, but you know - if you’re not doing analysis, you really don’t need to look that deep into it.

it’s ok to just chill. your feelings about characters are valid! :D so yeah i agree with you! let people with different opinions exist if they’re also being respectful (e. g. tagging correctly).

Hey ik u worked with animgician's newest vid and i found a not-crit (i rlly think) little thought on it if u wanna see it

yoo feel free to send it in!!

No one: me: *shuffles around* wanna hear about my cool warden c!tommy au?

may i interest u in a little bit of my writing? If not that is ok i just wanna see if my writing is any good before working on a fic lol

Anyways if i am not in the askbox for a little it is because i am now writing a proper fic thing out. Wish me luck o7 -curious anon (i have three different lyrics i am going to be incorporating and a little analysis and just a smidgen of projection)

Ruby do u wanna read a little something i wrote? *does the little fingers thing* its really short just a headcanon with a little prose

i sure do! that sounds rlly cool - are you sure you don't wanna make a post about that on your own account though? i don't mind seeing it at all but i think the c!tommy tag would be able to appreciate that au better than my followers. you've gotta find the right target audience, y'know? /lh

though of course i'd love to see your writing, i'm sure it's great! looking forward to it :]

Ayo i remembered u talking about how punitive punishment doesn't work the other day so i want to discuss. What would u consider to be a fitting "punishment" for c!dream's canonic killing of mexican dream?/gen

i mean... we're not trying to - being against punitive justice is about the fact punishment is wrong, not just certain types of it. asking me what a "fitting punishment" would be is sort of very not getting the point.

hurting people further is not going to teach them anything and it’s not going to help anyone, why is it necessary?

so the answer is: none. he shouldn’t be punished, actually! he should learn on his own that what he did wasn’t right, and that’s about it. that’s the thing about transformative justice. him becoming a better person who Wouldn’t Do That again because it goes against who he is.

however, there’s also restorative justice, which is working to “make it up” to the victims. to which i propose; dream has the revival book and could literally bring him back once he is out of the prison. give him some powder maybe. md would probably be chill w/ that.

Yknow. In all my time in dsmpblr i can confidently say that the main differnece between c!dream apologist/enthusiants and c!wilbur/sam ones is that the c!wilbur/c!sam ones want their fav to have a breakdown and c!dream ones want theirs to get positive reinforcement /hj /lh

i’m pretty sure the sam and wil ones also want them to get better/get redeemed, at least deep down, but i get what you mean! you’re *glances at the 🟩⛏ gc where all we do 24/7 is write angst about c!dream being terribly hurt and then we cry about it* 100% correct. no angsters who like the pain here *nervously laughs* we all just want him to heal and be happy for the rest of his life with no heart-shattering breakdowns whatsoever! /s /lh

Hope ur having a great day m8 :]] -curious anon (also i have a new canon fact i wanna share. In quackity's alt lore stream yesterday he said (to the best of my memory) that "no law/juridsiction exists on the dream smp to prevent one from building anywhere" so i guess that clears up the big debate on wheather or not c!dream had a right to enforce rules (or basically the arguement that he owned the server by divine rule)

no i’m - i’m pretty sure that’s just how it works. dream still owns the smp, but he himself has said wayy back at the beginning “everyone can build and go wherever they want” and that was that. it was one of his rules on the smp, it was his main problem with l’manberg. being able to build anywhere were the rules that he “had the right” to enforce. and he did, not because he was a god, but because it was his smp, his home that he claimed for his friends. wouldn’t call it a big debate, it’s really that simple.

.AGONY. HURT EVEN. THIS IS HOW IT IS FOR CURIOUS ANON. I LAUGH, I CRY, I FIND AN ANIMATED GIF ON TWITTER THAT SQUEEZES MY C!TOMMY ENJOYER HEART INTO OBLIVION. (i am being dramatic btw for the funnies just so ya know) I AM NOT GOING TO FINANICALLY RECOVER FROM THIS. AAAAAAAAAAA UEEEEEEE

OK THAT FREAKING

O U C H-

also for the old phil ask. Hes a bad dad because of how he treated ghostbur. I will elaborate if u want

didn’t ghostbur just say “i’m not wilbur” and philza said “you’re not my son” and they went on with their day? weren’t they actually in agreement that he wasn’t the same as wil when he was alive? i don’t remember him really treating him badly tbh other than disowning him which seems fair to me, because ghostbur was a literal stranger to phil at that point?

wish you a nice day, curious anon! (i’ll be back on my essays and answering other asks now, so i might not reply right away :])

#my asks #curious anon #long post

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j0elmill3r · 4 years ago

Text

Choose Life; Part Two

Bucky Barnes x Daughter!Reader

Bucky Barnes Masterlist

[Part one]

Warnings; A shit ton of angst, swearing, shooting, angst, injuries, yelling, angst, no happy ending, replacement, abandonment, did I say angst? Bucky being a bit of a dick and a shitty dad, abuse? Child neglect?

A/N; There’s like a full blown reference to ‘Trainspotting’ in this, 10 points to anyone who finds it.

Word count; 2.7k

You had barely survived. If they had found you minutes later, you would be dead. The serum in your blood had kept you going for a few more hours than it would any other person, lucky you. For the first week, you were confined to your bed with all of the IV drips and other injections you were given. Bucky had visited you, trying to make conversation, which you had no intent whatsoever on joining in on. He said it himself, he wished they had left you in HYDRA, so that meant that he never wanted you. Your plan was that as soon as you could, you would get out of the compound and disappear from the grid all over again. But your plan was ruined when Bucky said they had installed brand new cameras so they could always keep an eye on you if no one was there when they were gone on missions. That pissed you off, you didn't need or want this. You didn't want or need any of this.

"Alright, we need to have this talk now. Otherwise, we'll spend the rest of our lives hating each other, and I don't want that," Bucky said. You were sitting in the common room, reading, surprisingly.

"We don't need to have any talk. You said everything you wanted when you told me how you really felt," You stood up from your spot on the couch and walked away, but Bucky grabbed your wrist gently. "If you wanna keep that hand, let me go," You warned him.

"Y/N, please, just sit the fuck down," Bucky begged. You shook your head and sat down. "Thank you,"

"So, what part do you want to talk about first? The part about you sending me back or the wishing you never found me part?" You asked him. Bucky sighed as he sat down on the couch in front of you.

"Neither of those. If we're gonna fix this relationship, we have to start all the way back at what you went through," He said. You scoffed and laughed.

"There is no 'relationship' between us to fix. You had your chance at that years ago," You told him. "And anyway, I know why you're doing this,"

"Because I care about you?" You sensed the weariness in his voice and you nodded.

"For someone with a skill set as big as yours, I wouldn't be surprised if lying wasn't in there. You're not doing this because you care, you're doing this because you're guilty," Bucky knew that you were right. He was guilty, so fucking guilty. He was guilty of choosing to be an Avenger over being there for his daughter, who had to figure out a new and scary life all by herself. He was guilty of not sitting down and addressing whatever issues you had, and not helping you with them. He was guilty, and he knew it. "And guess what, there's nothing you can say or do to change what happened,"

"But we move forward," Bucky said.

"Move fucking forward!?" You yelled. You shook in anger and tried to ignore the sting of tears in your eyes. "I can't move forward! I don't know whatever hallucinogenic drugs you're on, but you sure as hell better get off of them! How can we move forward after everything? Everything that has gone wrong with me has gone wrong because of you," You pointed at him angrily. "I asked you to talk about things with me, I tried to ask for help, but you didn't fucking care!"

"I did care!" He defended himself. You scoffed and laughed.

"You cared? If you cared, you would've asked me what was going on! You would have done what any dad would've done and talked through it, you would have gotten me help! I used to look at Peter Parker and Tony and I would be so, so fucking jealous!" You cried. You didn't even care that he could see that you were crying now.

"Why? Why were you jealous of them?" Bucky asked you carelessly. When you saw how Peter and Tony interacted, it made your heart hurt. You were in no way maliciously jealous, no, not like that. It was what you wanted from your dad, your dad that didn't give a damn about you. Peter and Tony spent more time with each other in a month than your dad ever did with you in 6 months. "I tried my hardest, Y/N. But effort goes both ways, kid!"

"I wanted a dad like that!" You yelled. "I wanted a dad that told me he was proud of me. I wanted a dad that talked to me other than the times he would tell me how much of a fuck up I was," You said.

"I never called you a fuck up, Y/N. It's called discipline," He said. You huffed out tiredly, you felt so defeated.

"You might be father, but you'll never be my dad," You said sadly. "You never were my dad anyway, you took a look at me and knew I was a lost cause. You clearly wasted your time, just choose a HYDRA base and then drop me off there," You finished.

"Y/N, please. We have to have some form of hope we can fix us," Bucky had noticed your change in attitude, your anger had disappeared and you were tired, tired of fighting.

"Hope? I ran out of hope when I was tied to that chair, and I prayed to God that you would come and save me, but you didn't. And I can't believe that it took me nearly dying for you to think to step up and finally be a dad," You stood up and left the room, leaving Bucky feeling like someone had ripped his heart out of his chest and stomped all over it. He had lost you, and it was his fault.

Your second month at the Avengers compound had flown in, you were happy to be there and away from HYDRA. But, as with anyone who came from a HYDRA background, a past with HYDRA didn't come without the nightmares. They were the worst, most times you couldn't escape them, the fear would paralyze you and leave you screaming for help in your head where no one could hear you. On the off chance, you would wake up, you went to your dad, Bucky. But at some point, it felt like he didn't care anymore. The first month, he tried to get to know you, but you weren't for opening up to anyone yet, you didn't know if you could trust these people yet. By the time your second month came around and you felt ready to open up to him, he had apparently moved on from you and didn't care for you. So you were left to adjust, all by yourself. The other members of the Avengers were convinced that Bucky was helping you, so they gave you the bare minimum. You were sat in the kitchen area of the compound, a glass of water in front of you. You heard screaming from down the hall and you turned around curiously. Within the blink of an eye, Steve and your dad came into view and both walked right past you, and went around a routine as if you weren't there.

"Dad?" You said quietly. Bucky looked up at you and flinched back, obviously startled by you being there. "Are you okay?" He ignored you and went to sit on the couch. Your heart felt like it was being pulled on. Steve looked up at you and frowned, he noticed how shaken up you looked.

"You alright kid?" He asked you. You thought about telling him, but he didn't get up at 2 in the morning to hear about your problems, so you shook your head. "You should get back to sleep, it's late,"

"I'm not tired," You grumbled. Steve sighed and put his hand on your back.

"I know, Y/N. But you're supposed to stay in your room unless it's necessary, we don't need you wandering into the pool or something and drowning," You nodded and stood up, going to your room and leaving Steve and Bucky on their own. But they weren't on their own. You on the other hand, were.

You were gone. The team came back from a mission one day and found that the cameras had been disabled and you weren't anywhere to be seen. It was as if you vanished off the face of the earth, no one had a clue where you were. Bucky couldn't help the paralyzing fear that took a grip on him, as much as you wanted to deny it, he was still your dad and he had the paternal instinct that he wouldn't be seeing you for a while, and long, long while. That was 5 years ago. Bucky's hope, much like yours, had gone. He had long accepted the fact that you were probably dead, but it didn't mean he was okay with it, far from it. The team learned of what had gone down with both of you and were less than happy with Bucky, especially Natasha and Wanda, who had been the ones to try and fix you and Bucky. Bucky understood why you left, it was him that drove you away, he had no one else to blame other than himself. No one ever saw you or found any trace of you.

"You're sure about this?" Matt asked you. Matt was your boyfriend, you met him when you were taken into the police station, only this time you had to make a run for it because your dad wasn't listed anymore. He was in the station for Grand Theft Auto, and then arson. The two of you connected and then you helped each other get out of the station. You had been with him for years, and they were the best years of your life.

"Yeah. The only person in the base should be Banner, but he's usually asleep at this point." You told him as you looked at the compound from afar. "Everyone else is gone," You confirmed. Matt nodded and then took your hand.

"Are you sure that this isn't about getting back at your dad?" He asked you. Matt knew everything, he was the only person who did. He also trusted you enough that he was willing to join the new branch of HYDRA, TAG, because you knew it would keep you both safe and covered, since every police station in New York had both of your faces and a price over your heads. You sighed and shook your head.

"I'm sure, Matty. Now, if we're ready, I'd rather we got this over with," You smiled softly and let go of his hand. For some reason, F.R.I.D.A.Y didn't rat you out when you got into the compound through the window of the room that used to be yours. You had guessed it had something to do with Bucky holding on to some sliver of hope that you would come home, but this wasn't you're home anymore, hell, it never was. You noticed that your room looked different, the walls were now a pale pink, rather than the light grey they used to be, all of your posters had been taken down and replaced with certificates and medals, making an uneasy feeling sit down in your stomach.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Matt asked you. You shook your head and focused. Your job was plain and simple, take out and Avenger to send a warning, and it was always going to be easier to do it if there was only one to take out. The bullet you had was made to kill Banner, TAG had been working on it since you and Matt approached them.

"Nothing. Come on, we should go and do this,"

"And this is my daughter, Poppy," You knew that voice, and for another thing, you knew that you didn't have a sister. They weren't all supposed to be here, not right now. But you thought you had gotten over this, but you were wrong, dead wrong. You knew you were easily replaceable, but you didn't think that your dad would replace you so quickly. "She's 15, I adopted her two years ago," You and Matt had snuck out of her room and stood behind the doorway of the common room.

"Wow, you're over Y/N quickly," Natasha piqued. Poppy frowned and sighed, making you smile. Maybe you didn't have to physically hurt the Avengers, you had to emotionally traumatize one. Bucky ignored her comment and put his arm around Poppy, making your heart tug.

"Anyway. She's enrolled in high school, and I'm so proud of her! She aced her AP Physics test with flying colours," You shook your head in anger. Matt tapped your shoulder and shook his head, telling you to stay calm, which he knew you wouldn't. Natasha smiled at Poppy as she left the room, she hadn't done anything wrong, she was just a clueless little kid who had no idea how much of a bad person her adoptive father really was.

"Dad, who's Y/N? People keep saying her name and I don't know who she is," Poppy complained. You bit your lip and smirked as you moved to stand in the doorway.

"You never told me I had a little sister," Bucky's face paled as he saw you standing, a firm look on your face and your arms crossed over your chest. "I'm Y/N. Your dad's real, kid," You told her. Poppy gulped as Bucky moved in front of her. "Y/N? How-what-where the hell did you go?!" He asked. You smiled and laughed.

"I left, joined another terrorist organization since you wanted it so badly," You told him. Bucky was sure he was about to faint.

"TAG? You joined fucking TAG?!" He yelled. You nodded. "How could you?" He asked you incredulously. You scoffed and raised your eyebrows. "How could I? No, how could you?! First, you replace me and second, you don't even tell her about her big sister? Wow, I mean, it still makes you a shitty dad, but she has you good, better than I ever did," You said.

"I changed, alright. After you-"

"After I what? Nearly died? So what was I? An experiment? Because the last time I checked, I was supposed to be your daughter, not an excuse to change," You had moved forward to stand in front of him.

"I tried," He said. You chuckled as you pulled your gun out of its holster and pulled it up to his forehead, not even making him flinch. Matty had moved from the doorway and was standing a few feet behind you. Poppy was sobbing as she watched the confrontation go down.

"Well clearly, you didn't try hard enough," You said lowly.

"If you're gonna hold a gun, Y/N, at least shoot someone," You smiled at his words and then pouted, nodding.

"Okay, I will," You assured him. You smiled as you moved the barrel of the gun from his head and behind him, you pulled the trigger and shot a bullet into Poppy's heart. Bucky slid to his knees as she fell to the floor in a heap, she was dead before she hit the floor. You smiled manically, and Bucky knew that any trace of the young girl you used to be was completely gone, and replaced by the woman who stood in front of him. A woman who had been completely ruined as a child, a woman who was traumatized. "I would say I'm sorry, but I'm really not," You said. You walked over to Matt, who put his lips on yours and put his arms around your waist. Bucky saw that you had dropped the gun you shot Poppy with, in his blind rage, he grabbed it and went to shoot you. You smiled and walked over to him, you looked down. "You gonna shoot me, daddy?" You asked him.

"Y/N," You kicked him in the chest and smiled as he fell back with a grunt. You put your foot on his chest, keeping him pinned to the floor.

"You know the saying, 'Choose Life'. Well you know what, fuck life. Why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life, the reasons? There are no reasons, who needs reasons when you've got a dad that hates you and the ability to cause so much trauma, not even the best psychiatrist could save you?" You said. Bucky looked up at you, fear in his eyes, you took pride in that fear. "Well, have a good day, Bucky"

You walked out of the compound.

Permanent Taglist; open!-

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#bucky #Bucky Barnes #james buchanan barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes daughter #bucky barnes x daughter!reader #bucky barnes x y/n #fan fiction #fanfiction #fanfic #marvel fanfiction #x daughter #x daughter reader #angst #marvel #MCU fanfiction

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heleizition · 5 years ago

Note

I demand for fic recs from you!!!!!!! *excited screaming*

im guessing we’re going for dc fics here bc thats the only fandom ive posted for in a while sefojfseosjef sorry haikyuu u_u

ive been inhaling a few 1000k+ words of dc fics over the past three months so have this whole list because i couldn’t just choose some i had to give all of them

many of these were in the most bookmarked fics of the tags i was looking up so u might have already read them......

Damian Wayne sneezes like a kitten

Gen, 3k, exactly what the title says, adorable, damian and tim shenanigans

Liminal Spaces

Serie, Mature, 195k, TW for violence, depression, tim really isnt doing so well, reference to attempted assault in the second big fic Compression.

Bruce from the Young Justice cartoon rescue Tim from comics (but like worse) from letting him just, slowly kill himself with work and Depression, except the situation is worse than that and tim needs a hug.

Oh Brother

T, 10k, reference to the all for the game/the foxhole court books, but can totally be understood without any knowledge of them (idk shit about them). jay goes to college far away from gotham and his family just drops in and hes Annoyed.

Tim Drake is the saddest person I’ve ever met

Gen, 5k7, heavy references to depression. Damian gains some empathic powers for a little while and learns that Tim is really not doing so fine.

Aemulatio

Gen, 4k, Duke and some moments with the members of his new family !!!!

Repeat your favorite mistakes and love them all again

Bruce/Clark, T, 160k, the kids get deaged and Bruce has to deal with them but Clark ends up helping. Dads.

hold him close.

Gen, 4k, ABO AU, Bruce gets hit with cuddle pollen and his victim is tim.

I’m alone here, I think

Tim/Kon, T, 93k, Witch AU, stuff happens and Tim ends up forgotten by his loved ones on a greek island, and then one day Kon shows up, even tho he doesn’t remember Tim. (honestly its a hard fic to explain without revealing that much but MAN its amazing)

Don’t touch me

T, 13k, Tim gets hit with a pollen that gives him unbearable pain when he doesnt have a skin to skin contact with another person, which causes problems when he’s never been fond of it to beging with

Love Song

Gen, 2k8, Tim is determined to make Damian call him a big brother, but Damian is stubborn.

The Antonym of Philtre

M, 3k, attempted assault. Dick gets roofied at a gala.

Watch this

Gen, 2k4, Hal and Barry are worried about Batman’s new partner.

Leap, Fall, Fly

Tim/Kon, E, 12k3, Tim and Kon figure some stuff out.

Two Bird, One Stone(d)

Gen, 5k8, mentions of depression and suicidal thoughts.Tim ends up stoned after a drug bust, and Dick and Bruce take care of him.

Bat Naps

T, 6k8, all of the batkids have learned to take naps in their own personal different way.

The Vulnerable

T, 3k2, attempted assault. Everyone is out of town so Jason is in charge of looking out for Tim.

Conner Kent VS the menstrual hygiene aisle

T, 1k, Trans Tim asks Conner to get him tampons because thats what bros do.

Juneberries

T, 68k, Tim gets kidnapped while helping Damian escape, mind break follows.

When you’re in pieces (and still falling apart)

Serie, M, 9k, mentions of assault and sex work. Dick disappear from Gotham and Bruce’s life after he gets kicked out.

free (as a bird)

T, 11k8, mentions of child abuse. Autistic Tim growing up as Robin.

On my chest, on my heart

T, 20k3, Tim/Kon, no capes or powers AU, high school AU where seniors get assigned a pen pal.

Mind you head, i’ve lost my mind

M, 9k6, Tim helps Conner deal with his anxiety.

Implications

T, 19k, Tim/Bart. Bart has a Tim related revelation. Teen angst follows.

Boys of Summers

T, 5k4, Tim/Kon, side Kon/Cassie. No capes/powers AU. Tim gets sent to summer camp and meets Conner.

The Stand-In

M, 2k3. Depression. Sometimes Tim feels like Tim Drake is just a stand in for Robin.

“no” and other four letter words

M, 24k, past abuse disussions, coping with trauma. In which Dick Grayson learns about consent.

(this last fic is actually the one my friend made me read and that got me really invested . .. these are my KIDS your honor)

ayyyy here we are i could have added much more but its half past midnight and i work tmrw .... hope i at least made you discover some fics!!!!

#fic #see how i just gave up giving slightly better summaries #IM TIRED #ive read sooo many nice fics these past few months tho im :( !!!!!!!!!!!#ask me #Anonymous #long post #I meant to hide some of this but tumvlr hates my guts

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samthemarvelfan · 5 years ago

Text

Goodbyes: Chapter Six

Summary: Ella Monroe is the Avengers newest recruit, handpicked by Steve Rogers himself. Indebted to him for reasons unknown, Cap pairs her up with Bucky Barnes. He is tasked with training her to relearn and hone the skills that have long since rusted. Bucky is cold and distant, and Ella can’t seem to break through the wall he’s built up for decades. He sees something in her though, and it scares him to death. Has the fate of these two strangers been sealed? …or will they always be longing…

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC, feat Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson

Warnings: DARKER THEMES AHEAD. Angst, Bucky is a dick, mutual pining, self sabotage, male-on-female violence, description of injuries, PTSD, mentions of medical talk? Sloooooow burn ahead. Fluff!

A/N: guys guys GUYS! Get ready for a lil fluff! The balls gonna get rollin’ and its a non-stop ride now. I hope you all enjoy, any and all feedback is appreciated! <3 Happy Valentine’s Day!

Taglist: @iheartsebastianstan @jjlizz @stuckysbabe @sk493494 @lefoutoir @nickangel13 @marvelismysafezone @lilulo-12 (strikethrough means the tag didn’t work! I’m sorry!)

Ow. That’s the only thought going through your head. Your eyes open and judging by the IV’s in your arm, you’re in a hospital. The events that landed you here start flooding your mind. You remember the HYDRA base, the agents, and the pain, but where is everyone? Where’s Steve? Sam? Where’s Bucky?

You sigh, Bucky.

He’d been so mad at you for ignoring him...a commanding officer. You’re in a huge amount of trouble—no doubt about that. You decide now isn’t the time to think about that, after all you were just shot.

You wanted to know if you’d dreamt him carrying you into the jet. If it was all just delirium from blood loss when you thought he was caring for you, assuring you that you’d be okay. You wanted to see him. Hell you needed too.

“Shit...” you seethe. Your right arm is in a sling and your shoulder is bandaged tightly. You scoot attempting to shimmy your body up so you could sit up some more. The sound of the door opening caught your attention, and when you saw him walk in you almost fainted.

Sergeant Barnes entered your hospital room, two water bottles in hand, dressed in black sweats with a tight, black cotton shirt. He’s being quiet as to not wake you. When he realizes you’re up he freezes, though. Unsure if he should be there at all.

“Hey...” you practically whisper. He says nothing, but takes this as an approval of his presence. There’s a chair next to your bed... right next to your bed. So close that the arm of the chair is indenting the side of mattress. Bucky grips the chair and moves it out from the bed a foot or two, then sits in it.

“Where am I?” You ask him quietly. It is then you notice that his jacket had been hanging on the chair he moved from your bed. Had he been here while you were asleep?

He opens the top of one of the water bottles, and hands it to you. “You’re at the compound. This is the med unit.” He speaks softly.

You take a sip of the cold water, relishing the hydration it gives your body. “I didn’t even know we had a medical unit on-site.” You say in an attempt to make conversation.

He stops to lock his gaze on yours. “And you wouldn’t have, had you just listened to me last night.” He sounds annoyed with you already, but also worried.

“Sam was in trouble. Steve didn’t respond to his distress call and neither did you, I did what I thought needed to be done.” To you it was simple. Your friend was in trouble, and you helped him.

“You defied a direct order, Ella.” There he goes, using your name again. “There could be serious consequences to that. If I wanted to, I could have you dismissed from the Cadet program all together.” His tone was serious but he wasn’t threatening you, he was just stating a fact.

You cleared your throat, before looking at him and fiddling with the head of your shirt. “Is that what you want?” You ask.

Why wouldn’t that be what he wants? He makes it pretty clear you’re a huge thorn in his side, and he doesn’t enjoy your company. This is an easy out for him, get rid of you and ease his work load in the process.

He smiled softly to himself. Smiled? Was that a smile on those perfect lips?

“No,” he said softly. “I just—“

Bucky was cut off by a tap at the door, causing him to stand quickly and move away from you even more.

“Knock-Knock...” You knew that voice. “Hey Ella, how are you doing?” Steve asks, sitting at the edge of your hospital bed.

You smile at him, unsure of what you’ve done in your life to deserve such a good friend. “I’m okay I promise. I’m just so sorry for all the trouble I caused.” You glance to Bucky, who’s gaze seemed to be locked on your shoulder.

“Can we get you anything?” Steve asks sincerely.

You shake your head, “I’m okay. I swear, I’m not looking forward to the scar this is gonna leave, but at least Sam is okay.”

Sergeant Barnes’ demeanor changed suddenly. You felt the tension in the room build and you didn’t like it. Why does he do this when other people are around?

“Sergeant Barnes,” you call to him, when his eyes meet yours you feel you heart do back-flips. How can someone be so gentle one moment and so cruel the next?

“Thank you for staying with me, and for helping me last night. I don’t know what would have happened had it not been for—“

He interrupts you, “Get this straight, Cadet. Out there—that’s the real world. The threats were dealing with are real,”

His eyes shift between yourself and Steve, who is looking at his friend with disappointment.

“The consequences are too. You get hurt, or worse...” Bucky’s jaw clenched. “The shit storm comes down on me, and people wonder why I put up with a recruit who can’t follow a simple instruction in the first place.”

Your heart falls into your stomach. “All I can do is apologize, Sergeant.” What else can you say? He clearly doesn’t wanna hear excuses, so there’s no point in trying to defend yourself.

“Despite all that,” Steve starts, “You did great out there. I don’t know if Sam,” He looks to Bucky, “or any of us would be here if you didn’t take the initiative.”

A small smile creeps across your lips, “Thanks, Cap.” The wound in your shoulder starts to throb from your elevated blood pressure. You grit your teeth, adjusting yourself on the cot.

“You’re sure you don’t need anything?” Steve asked, guilt painting his word. He rested his hand on yours, earning a stern glare from Bucky. You watch him subtly out of you peripherals, his jaw was clenched as was his metal fist.

You close your eyes momentarily, wrestling with the pain you feel in your shoulder.

“I’m alright. I just need...time.”

Bucky scoffed. “Time? You need to learn to listen to orders.”

“Buck—“ Steve started, removing his hand from yours.

He continued, “You wouldn’t be in a hospital if you could follow a simple command. You risked everyone’s safety because you’re too stubborn to do as you’re told.”

My eyes narrowed at Sergeant Barnes. Why does he do this? He treats you so differently when Steve is around, and you’re about fed the-fuck up.

“Ya know what? You’re absolutely right.” You say firmly, attempting to stand from the bed.

“Ella, just relax. He didn’t mean—“ Steve interjected.

“No Cap, I know exactly what he means.” You got to your feet; pride being the only thing hiding the pain from your face.

“Sergeant Barnes has made it very clear from the beginning what he thinks of me. What was it you said a few weeks back? Oh right, that I’m incompetent, I’m lazy, and I’m spoiled. I’m a rookie who would run from a fight the minute it started.”

Steve’s thumb and forefinger pinched the bridge of his nose, before looking at his friend. He subtly shook is head at Bucky, who kept his eyes locked on you, jaw tightly clenched.

“Guess what Sarge,” you say with disdain, gesturing to your shoulder. “I didn’t run did I?”

Bucky doesn’t speak, and his gaze on you is unyielding. “From now, keep your two-faced ass away from me.” You felt that all too familiar sting prick your eyes as you rip the IV from your arm. “You don’t know a God damn thing about me, Barnes.”

You pushed by them both, finally allowing the hot tears to stain your face as you head for your room.

“Mother...fucker...” You groan. You’re attempting to change your bandages, but unable to get it wrapped fully around your shoulder. Even with a mirror, it was impossible to do using your opposite hand.

You almost had it when a knock at the door made you jump. “Shit! Yeah, what is it?” You call, looking to the door.

The door opened slowly, revealing a casually dressed Bucky on the other side of it. You turned your back immediately, tending to your bandages again.

“What do you want?” You sneer.

He was quiet for a few seconds. You almost didn’t think he was going to say anything, until that familiar, irritated sigh passed through his lips.

“Christ, let me help you.” He said taking a few steps into your room.

You groaned. “I do not need your help.”

He scoffed. “Fine. Wrap your bandages poorly and get that wound infected.” He knew you wouldn’t protest, and shut your bedroom door.

You sigh, rolling your eyes so hard you thought they’d get stuck. You stood from the seat you had taken at your desk, walking up to him with as much attitude as you could muster and shove the gauze into Bucky’s chest. The force doesn’t move him an inch. “Just hurry up.” You command.

He unrolls the gauze, ripping it with his teeth when he deems it long enough. Bucky looks at the half-assed job you did on yourself and let’s out a chuckle.

“What is so damn funny?” You ask, annoyed to your core.

“Nothing, I just think it’s ridiculous you’d risk losing an arm for the sake of your pride.” He jested.

“What, not something you’d recommend?” You joke, nodding to his metal appendage.

He lets out a breath of laughter, “Not exactly, no.”

Bucky undoes you’re bandages, watching the pain form on your face as he moves over the open wound.

“Shit...” you intake a sharp breath of air causing him to pause. He watches you grip the edge of the table so hard, your knuckles go white.

He softly grips the spot above your elbow. “Just...take a deep breath. I’ll move as fast as I can.“ Bucky’s voice coaxes the tension from your muscles, and you relax.

Doing as he says, you inhale deeply through your nose and out through your mouth. Bucky attempts works quickly, seeing the discomfort in your face. The rough tips of his fingers cause chills to go through your body. He notices, and you hear him swallow hard.

The skin he passes over is burning, calling out for him to touch you again. You feel his warm breath on your neck, as you shudder. His body heat keeping your muscles relaxed.

“Almost done. Keep breathing.” He whispers in your ear. The smoothness in his voice coats your eardrum like honey, sending your body into a hypnotic buzz.

When he finishes he places his right hand on your bicep. His thumb stroking the smooth skin of your arm a few times. “All set, Els.” He speaks, using his nickname for you again.

You spin around to see he’s mere inches from you. “That um, that’s perfect.” You whisper. Your eyes flicker over his lips, and his do the same to yours.

He’s so handsome. You think, Ya know, when he’s not being a total dick.

He stands to his feet quickly, breaking the intimate trance you shared. He disposed of the used bandages, and you realize that you indeed needed more help than you were willing to admit.

“Thank you.” You mumble in his general direction. You hated this, how you wanted to forgive him for all the horrible things he said to you and about you.

“You’re welcome.” He says softly.

Another moment of silence passes between you two. This is the Bucky you wanted all the time. This Bucky was kind and gentle and actually cared about you, or at least he made it seem like he did.

“So why did you come here? To my room? The last time you were here, you made it clear you didn’t wanna see me again.” You ask.

“That’s not true.” He said quickly defending himself. “You left the med unit before you were suppose to, I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Well as you can see, I’m fine.” You retort.

He looks at the ground for a moment. “I’m glad.”

You nod, as a sigh escapes your lips. The way he affects you isn’t insignificant. It means something, at least to you.

“Bucky, what are we doing?” You ask softly.

He doesn’t protest as you use his name, but rather looks at you confused. “What do you mean?”

You stand with a scoff, “This! I mean here you are, in my room...again. We’re alone and it’s private and it’s intimate so you’re being,” he steps closer as you fumble over your words, “I don’t know, you’re being the guy I wish you were all the time. When we get around people and it’s like you can’t stand the sight of me.”

He takes a step towards you again.

“I wanna know where I stand with you.” You say shyly.

He swallows hard, “This is the second time you’ve been hurt on my watch.” His face was pained as he looked at your wound.

You reach out for his hand instinctively, trying to show him that it’s not his fault. When your hand grasps his, he gently pulls you into him, playing with your fingers for a moment.

“I don’t know how to stay away from you. I’m trying, Doll. Really I am. Every time you’re around me you’re in danger and this,” he gestured to you shoulder, “This just proves it.”

He’s holding your hand with both of his now, “I want to keep you safe.”

“I’m okay, Bucky. I promise.” Is all you can say.

A breath of laughter leaves his lips, “You’re always okay, aren’t you?”

You smile, and nod. “I am...but I’m better when you’re around. Like this,—this feels...”

Bucky held you closer, encroaching your small frame with his. He’s mere inches from you now.

“It feels right, Buck.” You say, look up at him through your lashes.

He drops your hands gently, and cups your cheek with his right, holding your waist with his cool left one.

He swallows hard as he presses his forehead to yours, “I know it does, Doll. I know.”

You’re gripping his arms as he holds you. His eyes closed, breathing deeply.

“What are you doing to me, Ella?” He whispered so low, if he wasn’t holding you, you wouldn’t have heard it.

A small smile graced your lips, “I could ask you the same thing, Sarge.”

Bucky holds you like that for a moment or two, before he gently lets you go and takes a step backward. He ran his hands over his face and through his hair.

He sighed thoughtfully, “Don’t think because you’re injured it excuses you from training. You may not be able to do hand to hand combat, but we will train your non-dominant arm to do everything your dominant one can.”

Ah, there he is. Reminding you once again that he is your commanding officer and you are his...burden.

Despite his words, a smile graced your face. “Y-you’re training me?”

He nods, and you notice the corners of his mouth turn up. “Yes. At least that way I’ll be able to keep an eye on you, and try and get some of Sam’s sloppy habits outta your head.”

“What time?” You ask happily.

He looks at you. His cerulean eyes mapping your shoulder up to your face. He reaches out and strokes your cheek with a smile, “7 A.M. Not a minute later.”

You stand from the edge of your bed, “Sir yes Sir.”

“Goodnight, Els.” He whispered.

You smiled softly, “G’night, Buck.”

That night, you had the best sleep you’ve had since being here.

...and so did Bucky.

Chapter Seven: Left

#samthemarvelfan #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x original female character #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes series #mcu #mcu bucky #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfic #sebastian stan #sebastian stan fanfiction #bucky x oc #bucky x reader

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mousehole5000 · 4 years ago

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tgcf again chapters 174-191. im now midway through book 4. pain and suffering. and yet also.... this is really good.... but also.... pain...

okay cave of ten thousand gods everythings coming out into the light.... xie lian pretending not to hear fengqing drop their act im emotional..... fengqing silently working together to separate xie lian and hua cheng im emotional..... every word that comes out of mu qing’s mouth im emotional....

honestly reading the xianle trio discussing hua cheng.. its very hard for me NOT to project all the times ive been in a friendship trio and someone got a boyfriend the other two didnt like (which was every time. theres never been a bf everyone liked. sometimes i was the one who had the bf. there were no winners then and tbh i predict there will be no real winners here as far as this friendship goes but such is life)

mu qing is so smart he’s clever he’s tricksy i love it i love him ugh

“A pair of arms had circled around him from behind, and hugged him with force all of a sudden. Xie Lian had buried his face in his back, and also didn’t speak. Though nothing was said, it was enough.” okay i cant get into every different way im feeling about whats going down bc it would get Too Personal but this..... im emo. also xie lian saying “something like this has to be said clearly“ and then proceeding to not say a word just going in for a hug is a mood

“He heard Hua Cheng’s staggering voice coming from above. “...Your Highness. You really…will be the death of me.” - ok well DONT SAY THAT!! now im worried!!!

“Hua Cheng, however, only snorted, appearing as if his eyes could see through the thick rocky walls. He said darkly, “Don’t worry. If he kills one, I’ll make ten more. Fast and furious like the storms, I will never back down. Let’s see who’s the one left standing in the end.” Xie Lian’s heart skipped a beat for some reason, and he mumbled inwardly, “... Oh no, this is bad.” Even though Hua Cheng’s expression was subconsciously displayed, Xie Lian really was quite weak to this aggressive and rebellious confidence of his.” - fjadskfajsl its okay xie lian honey you never know whats going to do it for you

okay so are the murals and statues are only from the xianle era? im hoping hua cheng didnt secretly follow xie lian during his time as a mortal during the entire 800 years and then pretend to a total stranger that would be too much imo lets see. i still really do get why feng xin and mu qing are like “...dude wtf lets get out of here stay away from that guy” (also tbh probably if theyd all managed to stay close... this probably wouldnt be happening which isnt a judgement im just saying bc thats definitely how ive felt about friendships) although this whole thing IS indeed tinged with homophobia which i still dont think makes sense in this setting but whatever i guess.

BOOK 4!!!! im scared

“A few days ago he nearly fainted, and it was only after that did he realize it was because he hadn’t had anything to eat for several days.” - unfortunately relatable but :(

“Ever since Xie Lian was young, he had never had to consider these kinds of affairs, and this was truly the first time in decades that this problem gripped him. However, if gods didn’t even know what starvation felt like, how could they possibly understand the feelings of a starving worshipper? How could they possibly empathize? At this point, he could only take this experience as a form of training.” - TRUE THO!!!!!!!! i like seeing this even tho the circumstances are sad

wait does xie lian get his bad cooking skills from him mom? im gonna cry...

“After returning to the city, Mu Qing’s stomach was still turning. He said as he stumbled, “I thought…that porridge, it smelled like bran water, but I hadn’t thought it’d taste like it too!” Feng Xin gritted his teeth. “Shut up! Don’t force people to remember that pot of stuff! The queen is…body of ten thousand gold after all…never cooked…this is already…UGH!…” Mu Qing humphed. “Did I say something wrong? If you didn’t think it was like bran water, why don’t you…go ask the queen to grant you another bowl! UGH!…” The two were heaving back and forth, and Xie Lian grabbed hold of the both of them, patting their backs.” - xianle trio.... including simply because it made me do the pleading emoji in real life..... also the way the queen wanted to feed all of them... weeping

i didnt realize that mu qing would still be around during this time.... god the fact that i know theyre all going to split......

“It’s precisely because it’s a time like this that money has to be brought up!” Mu Qing countered. “A time like this? What time is it? Time when we’re starving! It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to admit it, but nothing can be done without money! Can you both not just suck it up a little bit?” - mu qing i love you. god.... for real the fact that he comes from a completely different background than the other two is so important to his character and i think it shows so much in the way he continues to be in the present. he gives me the vibe of someone who is smart and hardworking but is bitter about it and tbh!!!! i get why he is!!! he’s very aware of these kinds of concerns bc he’s had to be, while the other two kind of think theyre above it and its a big difference between them. he’s still separated by the circumstances of his birth despite how much harder he’s worked to get to where he is.... ugh painful and delicious

i really am enjoying the xianle story tbh. xie lian going from his highness, favored by heaven, well-intentioned but lacking in experience and understanding to living in poverty and fighting with mortals who disrespect him. fucking delicious i mean this sincerely and respectfully im sad but i really like his character arc. and then to how he is in the present....

“Mu Qing looked at him, speaking not a word. Then he bowed deeply and really turned around to walk away.” - OH NO ITS HAPPENING AHHHHH ;_; honestly all of this hurts but it feels real like i think mu qing has every right to want to leave honestly and he DOES have other family and other ambitions outside of the trio... and i get why feng xin is mad about him wanting to leave when theyre suffering!! and i get why xie lian lets him go.... friendships are hard man and the pain of them splitting is rough!!!!

“Mu Qing’s departure had really shocked him to the core. First, he had never thought that someone so close would just up and leave. Second, Xie Lian had always believed in “forever”. For example, friends would always be friends forever; no betrayal, no deception, no breaking up. Perhaps there’d be times when they’d part, but it for sure wouldn’t be over reasons like “life is too horrible” - pain. just pain. same as above i get it but it hurts

“Xie Lian didn’t know too well just how much money would be considered normal when buying over ten lanterns, and he never looked at the price tag when he purchased things in the past.” - i feel bad kicking him while he’s down and he’s still trying to be kind even when it costs him but this is the first thing that came into my mind

but also oh?? spirits of soldiers from the battlefield you say?? hmmm i wonder... who.... could possibly be among them....

“If you remain forcibly, you won’t be able to rest in peace,” Xie Lian said. The nameless ghost didn’t seem to care. “I pray to never rest in peace.” - i cant lie this legit gave me goosebumps lol

“Xie Lian himself was alright in suffering through it, since there were far too many other things to worry about. But his mother, who had lived a comfortable, luxurious life, when had she ever done such crude labour? But if the queen didn’t do this work herself, who else could take over?” - hmmmm!!! housekeeping!!!! it matters!!!! rich people dont appreciate how much until they have to do it themselves!!! but this still makes me sad

oh god THATS when they pawned hongjing?? with the king sick and mu qing leaving?? :(((( even more emotional about its appearances in the present day

“That passerby chuckled. “You don’t know? This is too exciting! The servant is beating the master!” - oh god the dramatic and ironic timing of it all

god..... this is just... a sad time....

“MU QING ISN’T LIKE YOU ALL. HE’S MY FRIEND, HE WOULD NEVER HELP YOU!!!” [cut to] “Those were the only words echoing in Xie Lian’s mind, but he couldn’t utter a single sound, and could only crazily grab at anything at his disposal to throw. He didn’t care who he was hurling at, either. Finally, Mu Qing couldn’t take this anymore, and he steeled his face as he swept his sleeves and left. Xie Lian panted harshly for a bit and fell back down, spacing out again.”- IM SAD!!!!!! tbh i wonder if on some level xie lian kind of felt like mu qing owed him? i know he said to forget about that stuff to both of them but its one thinig to say it and think you mean it and another to have to deal with it

white no-face what is your DEAL!! also all the little fire ghost bits im...

“After having exchanged so many words, Feng Xin finally got the gist of what had transpired. He widened his eyes and pointed at Mu Qing, unable to speak. A moment later, he bent down and grabbed a sack and flung it over, roaring. “SCRAM! SCRAM SCRAM SCRAM!” Mu Qing was hit in the face by the sacks of rice he brought and backed two steps away. All three of them in the house were panting harshly.” - this is it this is the part where i closed my laptop and said “noOOooOOOoooo” out loud to my room im so upset... and mu qing still tried to leave the rice even after the broom thing im ;_;

“Feng Xin was completely convinced that he would never do such a thing, but that was precisely why this had become the worst-case scenario!” - pain, suffering, dismay, etc

“Feng Xin continued, “If Your Highness thinks your life might be in danger, I can finish this for you, I won’t tell Her Majesty, haha.” - bless your heart for trying feng xin

“But it shouldn’t be like this. The Feng Xin of the past would have absolute faith in him no matter what! Even if there was only twenty percent doubt, it was still unbearable!” - AHHHHHHH okay idk if i really have much to say about their relationship other than im sad but IM SAD!!!!

the differences between feng xin and mu qing’s relationship with xie lian are so interesting. feng xin has clearly always idolized xie lian a lot while mu qing hasnt at least not in the same way and he seems like he has some resentment towards xie lian (thats how i read it anyway thats what i said about it at the beginning of book 2 and i think its understandable and can be a very real part of friendships) that feng xin doesnt and i just think thats neat!!

“He was firmly tied down upon the altar, that broken base of the statue under his body. There were many people squeezed below the altar, and pair after pair of round, unblinking eyes were watching him.” - hmmm dont think i like where this is going

“Yet, before he could finish, he realized that the white silk that he used to cover his face had been undone. In this moment, the thing that had him completely tied down was that exact white silk.” oh my god wait is this ruoye?? is ruoye that same ribbon???? ill cry

“The hand stained with blood, the one that ended a life, was immune to the Face Disease.” - ohhh shit okay. okay okay. okay. shit okay. i See now.... so if youre an innocent civilian the only way to escape this fate (and the faces are actually the souls of other innocent civilians) is to get rid of your innocence... and doesnt this disease not actually hurt its just horrific? god.............

“White No-Face pitied, “You think they don’t want to do it? Wrong, it’s not that they don’t want to, it’s solely because no one wants to be the first, that’s all.” - shut up!!! youre the one who created this situation dont fucking preach about the way you think the world is

“He forced down the mouthful of blood and hissed, “What are you laughing at? You think that you got what you wanted? This was all forced by you!” The ghost fire within the ghost’s hand flickered even more fiercely.” - yes exactly!!! you put people in extreme circumstances sometimes they do extreme things!! youve proved nothing!! god i do love when characters say exactly what im thinking. plus the first ones who caved were trying to save their child

“He felt that, if he was to let them do what they wanted, there was something in his heart that would never return to its original state.” - :( also i kind of feel that in my life sometimes and i just hope xie lian’s heart ends up in a state he’s happy with

“He didn’t dare to look at what had become of the person lying on the altar, because what laid there didn’t look human anymore.” AHHHHHH!!! :(((( i mean i get why this event is what made hc... level up??? thats not a good way to describe it fjasldkfjaslk but you know what i mean... that line about being powerless to help your beloved OOOOOOF

okay well finished that chapter im. pain. hmmm. pain. i dont know if i actually have any words rn lol but im gonna stop here for now

#half of my commentary is just me going wow im sad!! this is sad!! pain!! wow sad!!!#anyway i love xianle trio with my whole heart they really do feel so real #mouse mumbles #tgcf liveblog #hc also feels real but in a way i might not ever talk about lol we'll see

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