#to discuss in therapy lmaooo

[twinknote]

i need to process a dream i just woke up from, cw ableism, shitty family dynamics, emo abuse mention

so i was at my grandma’s house (which is already emotional, she’s been gone for many years now and that house was the setting for most of my favorite family memories) and me and my brother and dad had just gotten back from walking around and getting food. i had decided to lay down in bed for a bit because i was crashing from being out

my aunt ellen (who irl is actually very nice) came in and was chewing me out and telling me how disrespectful it was for me to be ignoring family members who wanted to spend time with me

and i advocated for myself like a bad bitch, i was like Ma’am i literally have a disability called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and i don’t think it’s disrespectful for me to need to rest and take care of myself

at some point i had to go to the bathroom and ran into my cousin leah (who i love, i’m surprised it wasn’t her sister emily who i’m closer with irl but i think it goes to prove a point that i will get to later) and she was upset and crying because she recognized that ellen was being unfair and mean to me. she hugged me and was like i totally think she’s overreacting, you don’t deserve that

i went back to bed and my dad came into the room and tried explaining ellen’s pov to me and i tried explaining mine but he kept not really listening to me. i also kept hearing family members outside the door talking abt me and misgendering me

eventually i made it downstairs since leah needed to get back to her kids and i wanted to say goodbye and thank her. ellen immediately accused me of doing smth i didn’t do and i was firing back snappy responses to her and she seemed to be getting tired of it after a while

leah and i hugged and were laughing that she was being so weird and unreasonable.

ok so obviously this kinda shook me but i have a likely interpretation of what the dream actually meant. i’ve been really struggling to communicate w family members (there are several who i really need and Want to respond to but my anxiety has a grip on my throat). and i think this dream was my brain’s way of saying Hey, this is what you Think family members are going to treat you like (ellen) and this is how real family members will actually show up for you (leah). my cousins and my dad who i actually want to respond to have always been nothing but unconditionally nice and caring to me.

And i really want to emphasize to myself that the fear my brain is clinging to is actually so valid and real bc the way ellen treated me in the dream is literally how my mom has treated me so many times. she’s such a manipulative narcissistic emotional abuser and i’ve spent most of my life trying to stay on her good side. my fear of being treated poorly by family isn’t irrational or stupid, it’s literally lived experience and it makes me terrified to be emotionally vulnerable with family members.

BUT. i’m insanely proud of my dream self for actually advocating for myself and sticking to what i know is right for my body??? like look at him go??? i typically have such a fawn response and in my dream i was like Nope i’m fighting, bitch. and i LOVE that for me

anyway moral of the story is that maybe reaching out to family will actually be a positive experience and even if anyone says anything sus (which would probably be my dad out of ignorance) i have the strength and ability to inform them of my perspective!!!

[littlestuffstohide]

Rise of the Ashes - Pt3

End the trial? No way. I just love how confident and classy Edgeworth is every time even if he's bluffing crazy to do what's needed. And it's crazy reckless he went and followed Phoenix's lead. Or rather got a few words from Phoenix and decided to pull the entire case with everyone kicking and screaming.

Lmaooo. Let's burn the world. Gaaaaah. Phoenix is my definite fave but Miles just gets to me every time.

Of course Edgeworth lives to do better. ahahahha. These two are his superiors mind you: his boss he's prosecutor and an executive higher up he's telling a massive Fuck You. He's so classy to booth while doing so.

Of course Edgeworth lives to do better. ahahahha. You just don't know how amazing these two will become. He becomes chief prosecutor. Jap version has the better position for Miles being the Attorney General. I wish the english translation could have done justice to Miles position that's not similar to Lana's. Miles deserves to be higher than both of them. and just as a shout out Phoenix and Miles become so legendary they are basically touchless. They get away with ton of shit they pull in court.

I just love how ballsy Edgeworth is. Like no evidence but he bluffed insanely here to get the case moving.

Edgeworth: Testify.

Judge: ... (Agrees after 3 seconds).

Just the amount of pull he has to get everyone moving. Miles is the type to forcefully move everything and Phoenix is the seducing lady the does the work behind? Sorta.

Lmaooo. I forgot to SS the part of Phoenix. I just love Miles' reaction everytime. A lot is just gold to me. They accuse each other of doing things not being done but you know, it's soooo them. They're so comfy to accuse the other even if they know the other is innocent. And the other would REALLY not be offended.

The Blue Badger is the biggest haunt ever. Drawn nasty. Creepier than Chaka Doll. But it's such a goofy existence needed in AA. It's haunting for an hour. Just imagine a case so big but these two men juuuuust discuss and diss the blue badger for an HOUR!

Phoenix. It will never stop haunting you! Everyone just forgets the Blue Badger is just on that crime. BUT everyone's haunted by it that the vase is a vase. Just imagine discussing the ugly mascot for an hour! hahaha. And Phoenix really started the Blue Badger talk!

That's why Miles is the MVP. Like it's insane how these two represent the sword and the shield! The trial goes on because Edgeworth is a genius. And he doesn't pull punches to keep the trial going. We'll drag everyone no matter the consequence. No matter the scandal it causes.

It's all or nothing. Mind you. one High prosecutor and one rookie defense lawyer is up there. Just pulling the craziest stunts. Everyone is onto them. Especially Edgeworth! Miles is so determined. Consequences be damned. This is more than possibly losing their jobs. The repercussions they might face if things go wrong.

Full throttle!

Like this case is both Miles and Phoenix fighting together literally. The rush I feel in playing AA vs AA5 and AA6 is so different. The first three games does better.

This is just the biggest thing about Phoenix. What made him different compared to others. It's flawed, misguided but with great intentions. Apollo does the best he can. But Phoenix puts so much in himself which is why he's sooo choosy on his clients. He's just as hard on himself like Miles is. Or maybe even higher. He gives so much of himself that client which is a double-edged sword that could destroy him. The betrayal does absolute damage to him mentally given the chance. But, if he's right then great. He sets so high standards on what he could do for others. If that's the case, Phoenix probably needs to set a regular therapy session every case he does. They way Phoenix handles himself is so reckless and might as well be destructive.

And he did make it! It's just as bloody but he made a legend for itself!

This sprite just for this moment is to be savored.

It's not nothing. I don't think any prosecutor could bear what Miles did here. This is why Miles is the best!

And Phoenix knows Miles so well. He knew Miles was having a hard time.

And this what hits the most. There is the now and what comes after.

Still, Miles did everything he could to help.

Miles did awesome!

And he's soooo adorable! Just the complement is way beyond words.

[trippinsorrows]

lmaooo i'm in a couple of different therapist facebook groups, and every time an election rolls around, an argument or discourse occurs regarding the place of politics in therapy (note: therapy is political, and you shouldn't be a therapist/social worker if you support trump. i said what i said). well, a karen made a post upset about people discussing politics and got mad when people started to call her out, made a separate post essentially saying that the people being 'mean' shouldn't be therapists and asked the admin to create a 'plan' or 'concept of a plan' to address the presence of political discussions in the group.

chile, one of the admins who is a woc, pro palestine, and everything else wonderful, just made a post saying: 'an fyi: yes, we discuss politics in here. we have no plan (or concept of a plan) to stop anytime soon. -admin'

[sourslices]

hc that the titans know/knew dick better than the batfam — and it makes sense, but i dont feel like elaborating on this part. anyway...

it'd be nice to see too, yk... considering dick is the eldest in the batfam and (in at least fan content) he's known to be very caring about family and yadda yadda.

dick was the first. the first child hero/sidekick, the first robin... the leader of the titans. a charismatic leader, a faithful friend. most people idolise him, and even if you get disillusioned after getting to know him personally, there's still a certain amount of admiration and respect that will never go away when it comes to nightwing.

this also works with the yj universe — esp yj because dick's the youngest out of all of them (not too sure abt the titans, but ik he isnt the youngest)

damian's perhaps the closest to dick out of the batfam. most people are aware of the distance between them and him but jason and tim don't realise that they don't know a lot about his brother...

it starts with cass calling him out for pretending to be okay and even trying to adjust his body language to hide his fatigue and his wounds. it goes on with jason commenting about a movie night that dick had wrestled everyone into (the movie had been steph's choice btw) and then either roy or kori respond like this.

jason: *off-handedly commenting abt the movie night and dick*

roy/kori: ???

roy/kori: we saw that movie when it came out. dick hated it and swore not to watch it ever again lmaooo

or maybe it was food. jason talks abt alfred's meals and then kori chuckles and recalls how dick had told her that he wasn't too fond of alfred's cooking. jason had been like "???" because dick always acted like he loved it and then roy goes like no lmaooo dick finds most of alfred's food kinda tasteless. something about british men and not knowing how to put seasoning

when jason confronts dick, dick admits to it

dick: okay yeah true

dick: i didnt rlly like alfie's cooking when i first came here but he got better... gradually. it's better than before but

dick: ...if you ask me, i prefer his baking.

jason: roy said smth about him trying to make one of your ma's recipes

dick: i never asked him again.

dick: (starts thinking about how he had nobody to teach him how to cook like his parents did and becomes SadTM)

and then cass damian and duke all go like "??? im not alone ??" because in reality they all find alfred's cooking a little... subpar. its not bad per say but u have to rmbr alfred is old white british man and there are battles you lose. anyway, cass damian duke and dick all bond over this because they thought it was only them who found the meals prepared a little... yk. alfred still works on getting better but there is nothing that will beat food made by hands who know how it shld taste yk...

(sorry about the alfred slander)

anyway, tim starts to realise despite being dick's little brother, and the only little brother dickie had for a while, there's a lot he still doesnt know abt the guy. which is funny because tim used to essentially stalk him

kori and dick make up after a long discussion about assault and victim blaming and there are a lot of apologies and they resolve their remaining issues (that doesn't mean what happened was okay, or it was forgotten or whatever)

dick actually asks for some space and tells her their friendship will probably never be what it was and kori is sad but is like. okay. they're still friends after a few months of distance and a lot of therapy on dick's side. he didn't blame her for any of it but he still needed... time

roy and dick also sort their shit out. im unclear as to what that shit actually is because roy used to adore dick when they were speedy and robin but whatever they sort it out and there's some homoerotic tension between them im telling u... dick still asks for space el oh el it takes a while to recover from years of distance and they're not the same

but just because they aren't the same doesn't mean everything's different.

the titans are subjected to the changes in dick and they watch him interact with the batfam, meanwhile batfam realises they don't know a lot abt dickie while watching the titans take care of him in several different ways while they, despite being a family of investigators, didnt know smth was up. it's mostly donna who does the "taking care of"

ik i actually didn't mention many of the titans but... yeah

[eternal-ascensionism]

Glue my lips shut PLEASE I was watching the video where Noah says “I’m like a snake, I’ll wrap around you and choke you”

I went “please do.” I’m home alone but still this is shameful and I will be discussing this behavior in therapy in two hours LMAOOO I am better than this

[intergalactic-cutie-pie]

Watching THIS episode of Cinema Therapy on Youtube, when this shows up:

Needless to say I’ve been laughing ever since. 

[khaleesiofalicante]

OH MY GOD! ITS HAPPENING! Its only the summary and I’m emo 😂 I should be studying for my exams, but I have tomorrow for that ;)

Ok, lets do this:

UDHWIJSHW THEY ARE SO CUTE FOR EACH OTHER I CANT-

"He preferred to hide his heart away. But he couldn’t hide David. He didn’t want to. David deserved to be seen." Like father like son. Both speeking poetry about their love ones. (and no, Idk which father I'm talking about 😂)

“I don’t think they are fake dating,” David hummed from the other end. “You don’t talk for hours every night if you are just fake dating.” (THANK YOU DAVID! SOMEONE THAT ITS NOT BLIND)

"They like doing chores. Let them do it. They fight demons all day and then come home and do chores. I feel like it’s their form of therapy. They need this.”“So, by not helping them, we are technically helping them?” Bapa had asked and Max had nodded with a grin. “Shadowhunters are weird.” “True dat,” Max had laughed. They were all weirdos. But Max loved them anyway. He loved his weird shadowhunters. (The domesticity lf this is killing me in a good way🥺)

“Will you on a date with me? Tomorrow?” Max asked then – because why the hell not. (Hell yeah Max. Go big or go home babe😎)

“This date is going to be the best first date in the history of first of dates.” In retrospect, he really shouldn’t have said that. (I'm already feeling his chaotic ass will do something like Magnus did, but lets keep hope)

"Maybe Lexi and Liv would probably enjoy a date – a fake date - in the arcade." Could I be more in love with both of them?? Is that physically possible?? 💙

Elyaas giving Max dating advice!! Lmaooo 😂😂

"His parents would not be pleased if they knew Max was summoning demons for relationship advice. But they had also encouraged Max to make friends with everyone regardless of their identity. So, technically this was their fault. They gave him very mixed messages."  YOU LIL SHIT. YOU ARE NOT WRONG THO...

FUCK. An attack??

You lil shit Max.

Yep, Rafael has to deal with it everyday 😂

OOMG YESS. THE ALIANCE RUNE!!

"So, when he got tired, he would simply fix the problem by eating. It was a win-win to be honest." I feel like I should say something, but tbh it makes sense

Ok, this fight is intense

Wait. Anjali is there???  What?

Oh ok, it wasn’t

“Say the thing!”Rafael groaned and raised his hands, the alliance rune lighting up.“I’m not just a shadowhunter,” Rafael said through gritted teeth. “I’m Magnus Bane’s son.” I'm dead 😂

THAT SCENE WAS EVERYTHING. LOVE THOSE TWO

“Well, demons are stupid,” Max pointed out. “Yeah, that makes sense,” Rafael said with a mouthful of food. “You are half demon after all.” “Asshole,” Max laughed and punched his brother.

“Text dad we are okay,” Rafael said, slowly recovering. “They will worry.”Max nodded and did that. (This just summ up sibling relationships so well *chef kiss*)

“It can be hard, Max. Bapak and dad…Sometimes I look at them and feel like I will never have what they have.” YUP. THEY HAVE SIBLINGS DYNAMIC. ALSO RAFAEL IS JUST 🥺🥺🥺

David got wounded???

Oh ok. False alarm.

Rafael sat down next to him and put Bapak’s head on his lap, gently massaging it.

“Are you okay?” dad knelt down next to his husband. “Just a little tired,” Bapak replied.A little tired. Max knew Bapak was fucking exhausted."  "Bapak never showed it. He never complained. Max wondered what else he hid away from everyone else." “Okay,” dad whispered and kissed his husband on the head. “Get some rest, my love.” Bapak nodded and closed his eyes as Rafael hummed something softly. (Well, now I'm crying 😭😭)

" His niece found an herbal medication that helps with the pain.” ANJALI!! I LOVE HER💙💙

"Dad finally smiled and went out to the balcony, phone in hand. He seemed to hang out in the balcony a lot lately" No no no. I dont like this. Babe find a better copying mechanism!!

"Bapak smiled then. A brilliant grin. The one dad probably fell in love with." jsyeihdiej I cant🥺💙

"Bapak sniffed when dad sat down next to him and gave him an odd look. But he didn’t say anything." Magnus tell him something. I dont like where this is going😭

“Does that mean Bapak is a capitalist?” Max asked. “Do not drag me into this!” Bapak protested and dad laughed at that" Ahh yess. Typical family discussions 😂

"David: Mr Herondale yelled “Yes! Two out of three!” (😂😂 I HONESTLY LAUGHED WAY TO HARD!!)

“Well, no! I don’t want drama. But I want you to be dramatic so I can tell you not to be dramatic!” I would like to say WHAT? but I honestly get it 😂

“Also, we all know you had an embarrassing crush on Uncle Jace growing up,” Rafael snickered. “And you definitely still have a crush on Uncle Jem.” Oh god 😂😂 but I mean... Who doesn't have a crush on Jem?

“Oh yeah?” Max demanded. “Well then let me explain your type. You are probably going to fall for someone who is like a combination of Aunt Izzy and Aunt Lily! Some femme fatale type who is a heartbreaker and looks like a supermodel and-” Boy got it right huh? 😂

“You two are dating?” dad demanded. “Since when? Who else knows about this? Why didn’t you tell us before? Were you dating when you were in London? Magnus, did you know about this?” “There you go!” Max yelled triumphantly. “That’s the dramatic reaction I was looking for. Thanks, dad!” lmaooo 😂😂

"And that’s how the next hour turned out to be the most painful and most embarrassing hour of his life." I. I have no words

“I’ll have you know this conversation utterly traumatized me. I demand financial compensation.” “Not happening,” dad said into his coffee, and Max groaned before walking back into his room. (THAT FAMILY 😂😂)

" I tried to hurt your father once.” OH no, the angst is coming

" He didn’t know about this. He knew about their story. Everyone did. The accords hall kiss. The fight in Edom. The changing of the law. Their love was legendary. Not this!" THIS IS BRINGING BACK SO MANY FLASHBACKS

“All I know is that I was terrified. I love your father. I love Magnus more than anything in the world. And I didn’t want to lose him. And I didn’t know what to do.” 😭😭 NOT AGAIN!!

"When you love someone so much, sometimes you do crazy things.” THIS

" Love had made a fool out of them. Love had made them blind." Yup. tsc: a summary

"When you love someone, you have to be honest with them" And THAT is character development!!

"They called it The Jem effect." I'm using this from now on 😂💙💙

"Uncle Jem was wearing a tank top and and ripped jeans." So its time for SIMP over Jem Carstairs? Okey then.

"In fact, he used to have a crush on both Tessa and Jem. It’s how he had found he was bisexual." Same here 😂

“MINA! I SWEAR TO LILITH I AM GOING TO GET YOU BACK FOR THIS!” OH MY GOD I LOVE MINA!!

“In my defense, I was busy!!” “Oooo, someone has been getting busy!” Mina WINKED. (You lil shit! I love her 💙)

He didn’t know he could blush!!!

" They had gone to hell and back for Roman. It wouldn’t have been possible if not for Catarina. She was, and always has been, a miracle worker." Again, I love my queen💙💙

“I believe in Mavid supremacy.” ME TOO

"There is something so queer about Ferris wheels!" Someone needed to say this

"They had their own space in the spiral fucking labyrinth. These fucking legends." I BELIEVE IN WARLOCK TEAM SUPREMACY

"But Ragnor had always had a soft spot for Rafael." 🥺🥺

I love my warlock squad so much I cant-

Ragnor is so done😂

“I don’t want to lose him,” Max said it out loud for the first time. “But you will, Max,” Catarina said gently. “Everyone loses people they love. Every day. It’s how life works.” (its to early to be crying)

“Yes, we do,” Ragnor replied. “But it also means we fall in love over and over. Century after century. It’s our blessing.” (these warlocks are just to perfect)

“And that love is going to last for a lifetime,” Tessa said softly. “Can you imagine that? Someone loving you for centuries. Someone remembering you for eternity. Doesn’t that sound wonderful?” 🥺🥺

David deserved to be loved like that – endlessly and impossibly. (OK BUT THE PARALLEL)

Tessa should definetly write a guidebook

“Je t’aime à la folie,” Max said.David’s eyes widened. “Vraiment?“ "Je t’aime. Je t’aime de toute mon âme. Je t’aime pour toujours.” ( I literally screamed and woke up my sister, I just love them so much!!!)

"David smiled. The smile Max fell in love with" 🥺🥺

“I know I am not your forever and I am okay with that.” Max bit his lip. “Okay.” “But you are mine,” David said. “You know that, right?” (ksidjdldk its just all this was beautiful!)

“I got it all planned,” Max said – for someone who had no idea what he was going to do." (Me as I should be studying 😂)

" And you were just scared. You were just a kid." “I just…I just realized you might not have had that when you were growing up – that there might not have been people you could talk to about these things.” THAT!! LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!

"Max pulled him closer and kissed him again. Every kiss a promise. A promise to love. A promise to fight. A promise to survive" I would die for this two

OMG he took him to the Celestial Palace!! Thats so perfect and 🥺🥺

“Oh mon dieu! Ceci est incroyable! Il y a tellement de livres! Oh mon dieu! Je l'aime tellement!”💙💙 Idk how you manage to make me love David even more

“Of course he doesn’t hate you!” Max chuckled. “But he did say he will put your nerd ass in the silent city if you don’t bring me home by 11.” David blinked. “You’re joking, right?” “Of course,” Max grinned. His father had actually said that but there was no need to scary poor David any further. (😂😂 Imagine having the Consul as father-in-law, poor David)

“Yeah, not good with words my ass,” Exactly!! They say they are not good with words and procede to recite poetry of their love one??!!

Ughh I love this chapter so much and I loved how they deal with the inmortality thing! I just love when people comunicate and talk to each other! THATS A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP! And how they didn't repeat Alec and Magnus mistake. I just love it! *chef kiss*

Anyway, this was really long and it took to open notes to fullfill, so i'll just leave💙💙

Bro I just felt like I read the whole chapter again and I am feels. I AM FEELS SEND HELP. Not me catching feels over my own shit lmaooooo.

Thank you so much. I have some work to do and I was like meh and now I have some energy to do it lol. I hope you spend tomorrow studying! You better!! Good luck!

ps - I love you notice the parallels and references. It makes me lil heart go boop!

also why do I feel like y'all are eternally doing exams????

[noritoshiikamo]

hi hi hiii it’s mahito anon 💗 :(( and omg i’m so upset to hear that your depression has been causing you trouble. melatonin is literally one of the reasons why so many people have depression— and like, i have really bad sleeping problems and when i used to heavily take melatonin, my depression got so bad that i had to abandon it. i really hope it gets better for you though because i know it’s really difficult to deal with and usually, it can’t be put in words. and if watching anime and taking time for yourself rather than putting all your time into your fics help you, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do that instead. like— YOUR HEALTH FIRST PLEASE 💗🔪 that’s a threat. not a plea 👹 but i’m happy to hear you’re trying to get better :((( IM SORRY THERE’S NOT MUCH I CAN DO TO HELP BUT ILY SO MUCH PLEASE STAY STRONG. also DHAKJSAI you’re so cool for writing outside of what you usually do because IDK THAT SEEMS SCARY. i’m not a writer but i’m pretty sure it’s hard to write what you’re not used to and SHEEEEEESSHHH YOU ALWAYS WRITE IT SO WELL NO MATTER WHAT. and thank you for clarifying between a fic and one-shot LMAO i usually get things mixed up. AND THE CHOSO TOSHI THING??? OMG IM GONNA COMBUST WITHOUT THE COM AND THEN ALSO WITHOUT THE BUST HDKAJSKANSKA AWOOGA I CANNOT WAIT i’ll literally be reading it like this 👹 the whole time. NAH FR CAUSE I LITERALLY BE SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR THINGS CAUSE THE PLOT ALWAYS BE SO SPICY AND EVERYTHANG. AND THE MAHITO NSFW ALPHABET IM HDKAJAKANSBS IM FOAMING AT THE MOUTH THANK YOU FOR THE FEAST. YOUR ANIME CHARM BRACELET IS LITERALLY SO ADORABLE OMG. YOU DESERVE TO GET LIKE 100 OF WHATEVER MERCH. YOU OVERWORK YOURSELF :(( GIVE YOURSELF MORE CREDIT FOR YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS. this is getting REAL long but AHHH i wanna be mutuals on twitter so bad BUT I LITERALLY DONT KNOW HOW TO USE IT LMAOOO like.. i only know search bar and the rest is just me blindly tapping shit. i’m also heavily inactive on there but saw the art on ig and had the art credits lead me there. ANYWAY— YEAH MY DREAM WAS SO LONG AND WILD. i left out a lot because the ask was long, but since this ask is already so long, i might as well tell you some more details. SO when i was trying to sell you catboy toshi on ebay, we were discussing catboy therapy plans because HE WAS SO AGRESSIVE. and like, you were considering giving him catnip as an inexpensive alternative to catboy therapy AND HE WAS IN THE BACK FOAMING AT THE MOUTH LIKE 👹CATNIP 👹 and then during your unboxing video, you straight up said “hi guys! welcome back to my channel! i finally got my catboy toshi today!” and then used like a huge butcher knife to take the tape off the box. YOU ALSO PULLED HIS TAIL OFF SCREEN BECAUSE HE ATE THE PACKAGING PEANUTS THAT HE WAS SHIPPED WITH. you also gave me a bad review 3 stars and said “minus the 2 stars because he isn’t potty trained.” and other stuff happened but it’s too long and i don’t wanna bother you with this stupid dream BUT i did end up messaging you again to tell you to take off the bad review because i chipped in and payed for 2 ounces of catnip. I ALSO FOUND ANOTHER TOJI COSPLAY (AND MAKI)!! i’ll link it below. sorry if this was too long! AND IM SO HAPPY YOURE DRINKING MORE WATER NOW. I REALLY HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER SOON! 💗 please stay safe and healthy! ILY SO MUCH PLEASE BE CAREFUL💗

https://www.instagram.com/p/CKxqAkvHmOP/?igshid=ymupmx0052q8

https://www.instagram.com/p/CL4DgIuhau1/?igshid=fv0k29x1ujpd

click here for hakken toji cosplay (pss hakken and i are from the same country ehhe)

click here for marun maki cosplay (her nobara cosplay *chefs kiss*)

HELLLLOOOOOO, have i told you that your love letter is the highlight of my day?? no imma remind again that it is UGH 😤

okay fr fr i didn’t know that melatonin worsened depression and it made sense bcs ill get a long messed up sleep where im still exhausted despite sleeping for more than 12 hours omg i need to fix it naturally thank u for letting me know T.T im trying to like fix myself slowly and like today i went out to thrift shop and i got two pair of pants thats not black ((for some reason i get anxious wearing clothes thats not black bcs i feel like people noticed me more and im scared of it 👉🏽👈🏽)) and for cheap too i cant wait to go to work in it hheheheheh i know i sound friendly only but really my anxiety is bad that im actually a very introvert person, i would start sweatinf and hyperventilating and it sucks but oh well 🤷🏻‍♀️ im also waiting for a couple of mangas literally i know that materialistic theraphy is temporary but idc anymore it gives me serotonin hehehehe  also no threat im baby :(( i WILL cry 🥺🥺

hhjhjhrhrhrh thank you for reading my nonsense word vomit maam sometimes i think too much and scared that it doesnt make sense but im glad you love it rhjrfhehgfr THANK GOD MY MAHITO ALPHABETS PLEASED U MAAM IM SCARED i could never reread my fic again i feel embarrassed asf like did i just write this spicy shit bcs what . the . fuck HAHAHAHA but i have a choso smut up and im just thinking of choso lately just him and his biggest hand

THERES MORE TO CATBOY TOSHI IM SCREAMING  !!!!! i cant believe my anxious ass did an unboxing and rated 3 stars without crying i wanna be dream me in your dream maam the confidence is *chefs kiss* also not the tails FFS IM RYING and the catnip it reminds me off my cats they get aggressive with catnip infused treats MAAM THEY BITE pls share me ur dreams if u got more its hilarious asf

thank you for sending me longass ask pls dont u dare apologize i will fight u for apologizing (ง’̀-‘́)ง i LOVE IT AND PLS ILY SO MUCH U STAY SAFE AND COME HERE AND TALK TO ME OR ILL GET WORRY AND DIE ISTG MY ANXIETY WILL FREAK OUT PLA STAY SAFE BB 💕💕 and if u wanna talk to me out of anon im happy to 😤😤 we are besties for lifw

[fmdkyungmi]

OH KYUNGMI is the LEADER, MAIN VOCAL, AND RAPPER of BEE under BC ENTERTAINMENT. She was born on MARCH 18, 1989. She looks a little like ACTRESS YOON BORA

Hello hello everybody! I’m Trinity and I’m bringing Kyungmi here to you all today. From what I’ve seen, it appears that she’s Famed’s resident grandma, which is going to do wonders for her self esteem lmaooo but anyway! I have some wanted connections for her that you can find here and you can check out her profile while you’re at it. I really look forward to plotting and writing with you all! And if tumblr DMs aren’t really your thing and you prefer discord, you can add me at number 1 hag stan#2392

Note: There will be triggering topics here, such as weight issues, eating disorders, cyber bullying, and mental health.

Kyungmi’s parents were both involved in the music industry (her mother being a well known vocal coach and her father being a producer). This was technically how she got her start as a singer.

Given her parents’ careers, she was born into a family that was quite well off and she didn’t have to ask twice for things that she wanted or needed. 

It was apparent from a young age that Kyungmi was meant to be a singer. She’s always had a strong voice on her and it was just a matter of when and how by the time she entered her teenage years, not if. 

She auditioned for and got into SOPA after graduating middle school. It was during this time that she encountered an insecurity that she would suffer from for the several years that follow - her weight. 

One day in class they were discussing what they wanted to do in the future and when Kyungmi told everyone that she wanted to be an idol, one of her classmates told her that she was too fat to be an idol. She never paid much attention to her weight before that moment, but it made her very self conscious from that moment on.

After her sixteenth birthday, her parents decided to allow her to start auditioning to different companies and labels. BC was the one that snatched her up first. Their only requirement for her to join the company was for her to lose weight. Of course she agreed and began the dangerous journey of unhealthy weight loss. 

As a trainee, she dropped weight quickly, but she didn’t go about it in a healthy way. It was obviously taking a toll on her (i.e., causing her to be dizzy and lightheaded during practices), but the trainers and most of the other trainees didn’t do anything about it because it was seen as “normal”. 

She was eventually able to debut as BEE’s leader, main vocalist and rapper in June of 2010

She was excited for the start of their career and how popular they seemed to be from the beginning, but then things started going to hell. BC sent them to the states, causing their popularity in Korea to stagnate a bit. Then one of their members left. Kyungmi was lowkey starting to feel like a failure as a leader and felt an immense amount of pressure on her shoulders to do better. 

Around 2015, her stress began to take a toll on her physically, causing her weight to fluctuate a lot. And that caused netizens to attack her and her appearance. She started developing unhealthy habits regarding eating and exercise and that lasted for two years until BEE’s hiatus began. 

During BEE’s hiatus she was in the midst of getting intense therapy for her problems while her members discussed contract renewals. Her therapist wanted to send her away to a clinic that could actually help her, but BC refused, and so did Kyungmi. She thought that going away would be like abandoning her group members, and she didn’t want to do that So she just stayed consistent with her therapy, which helped for a while. 

After a while BC started pressuring her about resigning and moving along her recovery process so they could go back to the way things used to be. They didn’t realize that the way things used to be was why Kyungmi was in that predicament, but alas, Kyungmi agreed to come back and dropped therapy altogether. 

When they came back with ‘Something’, Kyungmi was surprised by how popular the song turned out to be, but she was happy. She was glad that BEE still seemed to be popular and relevant. 

Then during Something’s promotional period, they were on a variety show where they were all asked about harsh comments they’ve received from netizens. Of course Kyungmi talked about her experience and even got a little teary eyed and choked up on camera, which triggered a lot of netizens to send her hate once again. How dare she have feelings, right? She’s rich, talented and famous, she shouldn’t complain. 

While her group members have started pursuing solo endeavors, Kyungmi’s hesitant to do so. Apart from a few OSTs and a cameo in a Decipher and Knight video, she hasn’t done anything on her own. She’s scared that people won’t support her away from BEE and she doesn’t want to fail. 

She’s definitely the ‘mom’ of the industry. Most of the industry only has positive things to say about her. Friends with everyone, both young and old. The type of idol that a lot of idols have friendly encounter stories with to tell. 

Tries to cover up her struggles and insecurities with a smile. Doesn’t really enjoy talking about her issues and problems because she feels like as the eldest, she should be the one handling everyone else’s problems. 

She really wants to try acting and releasing her own solo music one day. She’s actually written so many songs that she keeps on the back burner because she doesn’t have the confidence to do anything with them yet. 

[unproduciblesmackdown]

comet, moon, pluto, aquila, protostar

Thank You vm

Comet- What are you currently frustrated about?

lmaooo oh you know at any given time i’m weaving this rich tapestry of continual frustrations lol.....i’d say i’m in an Upswing Period of [simmering frustration levels closer to the surface] lately too lol like earlier in the week i pushed through a day or two there more casually but then it was like ah jeez here comes the malaise. more specifically today, even just before sitting down to answer this, i emerged from the bathroom to find there was a “dog has pooped inside despite having been outside within the last 10 min” shituation, which was wonderful.....annoyed from Waking by “smh at not being able to adjust my nocturnality, still frustrated about the near success of last friday being thwarted by the dead of night hammering debacle,” & regular Antagonizing Audio issues, aka being stressed by both the [loud, alarming] type sound & the [gross textural misophonia hell] type.....earlier i was like “where is the dish sponge” (still don’t know) & went to get a new, packaged one which had been in a drawer, but that one was gone too, good that there’s no pressing need to wash dishes rn i guess.....still struggling with the “well i guess i’m trying to put myself out there Socially” attempt to find relevant public discords, being generally overwhelmed as actually talking to randos in a group is A Lot & in theory it’s like well you meet someone Specific you’d enjoy talking to & branch off from there but unfortunately you can’t just skip to that step, also i do not genuinely Expect to get to that step either way, also i am not easily finding servers in the 1st place b/c it’s like, well i talk about Interests but what am i interested in? who knows. don’t do art “seriously” enough to rly wanna discuss it much, thought abt Language Learning but one i found wants you to have a verified account lmao like, no thanks. in theory i enjoy Socializing some but in practice it is sure a trial & i have not said anything to anyone anywhere yet, just a “well, not sure what else i could do here situation,” in theory take up an In Person hobby / group to make it all easier but that’s not happening. which, i was also Frustrated remembering oh right i spent a year as measured by my personal age in 1 location, both Pandemic & other [society] problems, & speaking of Interests & Hobbies not having them, i was also >:| over something having kicked in my Math Sensibilities (aka that i like math) & wondering like, would i have enjoyed getting more into math / some particular application, who knows, same but also even more so re: other things i get the sense i’m quite Into, like learning languages & ~performing arts~, which, i at least took math / math related classes into college level courses, which is not true for those other things (took a Language Class: never, took a theatre / drama class: for 1/4 of the schoolyear in 7th grade, & prior to that, just did a scene or two of a play in english class 4th grade, & the approx decade extracurricular of ballet, which is related but of course a different thing. anyhow, annoyed that i Simply Do Not Know & hardly see opportunities to find out on the horizon, although who knows.....which is related to being frustrated about [Society] some more like, thinking about “boy how different would it be if people were guaranteed the right to Essentials For Life like housing, food, medical care, both electricity & the internet Now A Days...” like, agonizing What If there, it is all so unnecessary that It Is Like This......just now someone made an unnecessary Post lmfao thank you xkit.......oh right, i was Frustrated, with an emphasis In Aro / Ace, about Media & Life, what else is new & then, you know, musings on The Theoretical Future & One’s Personal Past that would become even more of a like, audioscape: therapy session topic, these are frustrating things. and all of this answer has been stuff i remember getting Frustrated about in the past 24 hours. Also!!! that last night i was like, i want to play scrabble, so i looked up an online game but the Computer settings are a nightmare like, as far as i could tell the Difficulty settings were mostly attuned to Average Word Length but it was like, yeah you’re playing against this opponent given this effective total familiarity with the most obscure / archaic shit in the scrabble dictionary, not even simply the like, q words / two letter words ppl might happen to know specifically for the purposes of scrabble. there was also no “new game” button?? just had to refresh the page? smh. oh lmfao! also! you Know i was frustrated thinking about Billions, the series / interest that antagonizes you, jokes on you when you hone in on the Quant where it’s like, is he just meant to be the guy who sucks, plus he’s got depression....suppose they do at least handle him w/some sympathy / nonzero Care for this Char acter, but smh at sighing about [bracing yourself for anything promising (cough riawin) to spiral into disaster one way or another, whether it turns into a joke or plot device or just something introduced / built up / demolished for ambient drama/conflict].....what else is new. the periodic cycles of Billions Thoughts lol. was just frustrated at a video’s Editing Cadence basically lmfao. i also find it grating when the word “the jab” is used in tweets re: vaccination, which i just saw, presumably in the same sort of way where i automatically dislike the phrase To Be Fair or referring to food/eating with “fill / filling” or any variants lmfao, or earnest use of the description “hearty”......some words i hate the sound of no matter what, some i hate to hear used in a particular phrase / context......need to simply stop doing things in the middle of answering this b/c it will inevitably involve Frustrations lmfaooo. oh also i was annoyed to wake up to a clear sky. where’s that overcast atmosphere

Moon- Are you currently reading any books? If so, what book(s)?

i am not, but i’ve been considering it! just inconvenient b/c a) i gotta like, choose what book/s to read, & b) i have to read via laptop, which is kind of a pain, & c) like with everything, i always tend to basically read stuff all at once, but i’m also a slow reader lmao, so it’s like, okay, i’m probably basically devoting days on end to Reading Through whatever.....

Pluto- If you could meet anyone, alive or dead, who would you meet?

another classic Fascinating Answer of “i dunno” lol, i’ve never really had a go to answer for this or anything that’s particularly leapt out.....plus re: how i tend to feel nervous with on the spot socializing, the concept of like “if you could have dinner with someone” is too much lmfao like, a waste of time, i’d simply Be Nervous my way completely through it. the only way i could think of things is like, here i go giving someone an interview, i guess, and whomst tf would i feel Prepared to talk to lmfao. relevant to interests it’s like well of course you could ask w. roland things the in depth secret jared questions, or Any questions about quant n billions, but then it’s also like, well, there’s the questions I already have an answer for lol & either you have the same answer or i have a mini monologue, not like i don’t speak in mini monologues all the time if i have something to say at all, and my Questions go like that too lmfao, a disaster already trying to ask people about pertinent Information......never able to think of things re: people who have died, i suppose there’s fun answers re: like, getting lost / unknown Historical Info......when it comes to meeting people i don’t really consider it much in advance b/c i am nervous about everything & aware that any interacting is a Challenge lmfao. whenever these things actually happen, it’s hardly always a disaster, but i’m just improvising in the end. also, i could meet people i actually know but have never met, i.e. you, who i talk to but we are Virtual & Pandemic’d & etc & so on. but i suppose that’s kind of a given lol

Aquila- Do you prefer to read books or watch movies?

i think movies are less Involved for me, like, even if it takes me 3x their runtime (or longer) to watch any videos thanks to getting distracted & stuff, still quicker than i read a book, & unless i’m watching something for the first time and/or really wanting to properly pay attention, i can do other things while putting a movie on, whereas if i’m reading that’s the One Thing i can be doing. but overall i’m like “media, what media” whichever format lol like. haven’t consumed things, don’t often think of specific works i want/plan to consume, don’t often get around to it, etc. classique.....

Protostar- Give a random fact about yourself.

speaking of classic, me struggling to recall 101 info about myself or answer not that out there Questions, but when it’s like “alright hater what are you disgruntled about now” it’s like, Deep Inhale lmfao, but [are you okay? Is Anyone].jpeg on that one as well, we are out here......uh i’m sure i’ve said it before but i’m around 5′11″? maybe 6 ft tall but that might be overdoing it. sort of Average Tall but i am always literally looking down on people lmao.....and bumping my head into a low hanging light fixture around here.....

[halorocks1214]

For the character ask, i was going to say Scott or Alan but those boys had already been asked, so Virgil? XD

Lmaooo you’re not wrong XD. All the boys are getting snatched up tonight, but to be frank this is the most activity my ask box has ever gotten so I’m not complaining! 

Thanks for the ask~~

Favorite thing about them: TEDDY BEAR MAN (in more ways than one). This soft artist boi is built like a brick shit house yet I would find any way in the entire galaxy to give him all the cuddles. I just want him to hug me and tell me everything is going to be okay (ESP RIGHT NOW) and to watch cheesy movies under a blanket with our shoulders smushed together. Big Boi, Best Boi Least favorite thing about them: Outside of physical things (can you stop getting beaten up every other episode goddamn) he doesn’t really have any hang-ups? With all the other brothers and their respective issues I understand at least one brother needs to not be falling apart, but he never really had any particular stand-out moment of character conflict (ooor maybe I just haven’t watched all the episodes yet???). I had a small discussion with another writer about how getting his character down at first is a little bit of a mystery due to this and I’ve always just thought it was interesting Favorite line: “Computer, disable shower controls.” (this entire scene is golden) brOTP: Just like the two before him, I greatly love love love all familial moments with the other brothers so much, and Virge is extra special cuz he’s always so soft and reassuring with them. I want a Therapy Virge in my life ngl OTP: Out of all the ships I’ve seen with Virgil, the only one that makes sense to me personally is Brains/Virgil so why not? :D (that bear hug tho in those final episodes tho if you catch my drift *winks with both eyes*) nOTP: Second verse same as the first, if I had to pick something at the end of the day, none of the brothers Random headcanon: He has some kind of totally unexpected secret hobby. Everyone is trying to figure it out but just can’t grasp it. Kayo thinks he’s secretly a really good sparrer, Gordon insists he has some kind of secret Rap career on the Mainland, both Scott and John think he either likes something he insists he hates or hates something he tries to prove to them he likes respectively, Alan is just using the arguments to say [he] Virgil wants a dog, or any kind of pet, really. Meanwhile, Virgil just is secretly sitting back and enjoying this entire mess, waiting for them to actually figure it out. Until then? Good luck Unpopular opinion: *flashes back to Scott’s question* I really am easy to satisfy aren’t I? oehpeoifjseo yeah I got nuthing. Just keep staying the way you are you lovable teddy bear <3 Song I associate with them: “Light in the Hallway” by Pentatonix Favorite picture of them:

THUNDERBIRD TWO IS GOING TO SPAAAAAAACE

Ask me about other fictional characters!

[red-elric]

The Sohma boys as boyfriends/husbands?

*cracks knuckles* okayyy this one is fun lets get down to it!

yuki sohma is! a fuck boy! yuki is the boy who sends machi/kakeru/whoever tf late night “you up?” texts, who lightens the mood by saying “noo dont do x youre so sexy aha,” who is always down to fuck. he and machi watch titanic together; yuki is crying halfway through the movie but hes also being a slutty slutty boy together with machi. he wants machi to draw him like a french girl. with kakeru its a little less obvious because yuki would Rather Die than be caught screwing around with kakeru, but hes still the type to shut him up with a kiss, to avoid serious conversations by doing sexy stuff lmao. that being said, he is still a very emotional boy, and rather open with his feelings; he tends to intellectualize emotions (abby would say its his libra moon) but overall he is very sweet. he believes the only way to respect women is through pleasure and tbh can you blame him??

ayame sohma is an absolute sweetheart omg, tbh discord and i hc that he and mine have the fewest fights of any of the couples; they just exude that “perfect communication, perfect for each other” energy yknow? anyway aya has plenty of flair to spare and he spends a lot of it complimenting mine and making her feel like the most perfect and beautiful princess in the world. they both wear the dress on their wedding day and its gorgeous; theyre beautiful and soulmates and aya is very sweet.

kureno sohma is head over heels in love w his girl uo (if youre gonna fight me over kurenuo dont plz :P)! he’s the type to always assume that uo is doing fine because “shes much more capable with most things than he is” which is true! uo will call him and be upset about something or other and he’ll ask her if shes okay; when she explains whats going on and how shes wondering if she can’t handle....... whatever it is (college uo college uo head canon that actually instead of them travelling together immediately kureno went on his own and uo went to college but they still stayed pen pals anyway shes worried about not doing well in classes) he says something incredibly sweet along the lines of “well, of course you can handle this! you’re capable of everything” and she can tell he really really means it and it doesnt solve the problem but it does make her feel better, and reminds her that she is loved

shigure sohma, once things settle after canon, finally has the chance to spoil the girl he loves, and he does; actually, i think it negatively impacts the rest of his relationships for a while. he becomes completely subservient to akito for a while because he’s found his “happy ending,” so it’s okay to give into those feelings of wanting to spoil her now, right? she’s the most important person in his life, after all. anyway, that mindset lasts for a bit until suddenly it breaks bc akki isnt suddenly perfect either, shes still naturally jealous and afraid that he will leave her, that he’ll cheat on her, so they have a fight at some point; they spend some time apart where shigure learns that it’s okay to love his family and himself, on top of akki, and that being in love isnt about doing everything for the other person; meanwhile akki gets some therapy about her anxiety and rage issues and settles down enough to trust shigure. from then on he’s still very loving and spoiling, but he spends more time teasing her than before, and spends time discussing pros and cons of various couple decisions that they have to make.

hatori sohma is super super cute and super super awkward oml. he spends the early days of his relationship with mayu trying to be cool and impress her because shes so cool (!); he buys aviator sunglasses bc he heard they make people look cool and mysterious and his lactose intolerant ass will go on ice cream dates with mayu which doesnt always.... end well lmaooo. hes very protective of her, perhaps a bit overbearing when she’s sick or injured especially, but it’s always very clear that his heart is full of love for his girl, that he loves her to bits.

hatsuharu sohma has big dick energy  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) now that thats out of the way: if anyone on this list was gonna tease his girl its haru, oml. haru spends 99% of his day finding new and exciting ways to annoy rin cause he thinks shes cute when she’s annoyed (she is) and because hes very confident that they’ll be together forever p much no matter what (they will be). the other 1% of the day is being the sweetest guy in the world bc thats just haru, he tells rin that shes beautiful, that she’s the only girl for him, that its just facts that they would be together, and then the 1% is up and hes explaining that its bc “who else has this goth energy” and “anyway i like your tits” but! its still sweet, even though he’s annoying.

momiji sohma is a cutie! but he’s also a little shit sometimes. he’d rather be a little shit to the rest of the world, with kimi, than to her specifically though; the two of them are dramatic little shits who stage fake arguments, uncomfortable couple dynamics, overly slutty relationships, etc for the specific purpose of the Drama TM of it all. they also like to play up traditional “male and female, husband and wife” roles to the point of satire, because they think it’s funny to point out how ridiculous it is to be such stilted characters together; unfortunately, however, no one around them pays enough attention socially to figure any of it out :( but! it doesnt matter bc for the most part theyre just starting drama and making each other laugh, so its good :).

hiro sohma is v v v sweet and protective; when he gets a little older he joins the “respect women at all costs” gang with kyo, hatori, kureno, and ayame (vs the “respect women through sex” gang with yuki, shigure, haru, and momiji); he’s a bit of a shit about it bc its hiro but its very sweet! anybody comes and bothers kisa and he’s on their ass about how you can’t treat girls that way blah blah blah hiros v talkative lmao. anyway he’s cute moving on.

kyo sohma (bc i like making kyo stans wait til the end to get their man >:P) is completely obsessed with doin right by his girl. he loves tohru to bits (he’s never ever loved anyone else either, man is a tohrusexual through and through) and honestly its a little overbearing sometimes here too lmao. hc that during the v stressful time when theyre planning their wedding (and tohru is pregnant haha) kyo does his whole “let me do everything for you are you sure you should be doing that in your condition? get some rest i can do this for you also fuck anybody coming to bother her with anything yall are assholes” thing--which, normally tohru thinks is cute n sweet tbh (cause it kinda is) but when shes stressed out of her mind, hormonal, and annoyed w herself for not being able to do as much as she normally can? she gets a little snippy with him sometimes :) however its just a learning experience for them kyo eventually gets better at reading the mood and they live happily ever after forever

thanks again for the ask anon! i love doing stuff like this, anyone can feel free to send me asks whenever! special thanks to the discord for making some of these headcanons in my mind, especially @machi-kuragi, @thewinterose, and @yunsoh, and also MANYA who is not on tumblr but should be tumblr famous  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) anyway yeah all we do on discord is talk about furuba headcanons and make fun of each other so a lot of this came from collaborative efforts with them! love yall

[badacts]

I never really bought into Kevin/Thea long term. Do you have any thoughts on that relationship? What little I've read up on Robin I feel like Kevin and her might be an interesting pairing. If not romantic than at least friends.

i mean, thea’s such a minor character in the books that you can kind of make of her what you will really. i know in canon she like...throws a laptop at kevin or something, but she’s pretty pissed at him for cutting her off so, you know, probably fair, and also...i find that kinda reaction interesting in a character. 

personally i’m into muldayni (probably if you search that tag on my blog you can find some fic of them) - i think they’re a good combination of ‘anxious but determined’ and ‘badass capable leader’ where kevin, who is essentially assholish but soft, has someone tough to lean on, and thea, who has had to be tough her entire career as a woman on a team that doesn’t respect women much, can be soft with him and know he’ll never use that against her

i haven’t thought about robin/kevin at all, and my first thought is of course that she’s too young for him because i’m old and boring lmaooo. i do think they’d understand each other eventually, but i think kevin is too tough-love for her at first because he learned to ‘manage’ his anxiety by telling himself to harden tf up (BAD TECHNIQUE KEVIN PLS GO TO THERAPY) and that’s never gonna be an approach that works for robin (or, like, anyone, really). i reckon they can learn from each other for sure, though

she really loves exy, and i think they def have that in common. also, they probably discuss the upsides and downsides of being andreil’s pseudo-charges when andrew and neil aren’t around

[shytiff]

May Small Wins

1 - lazed, went to racheel’s place and put my motorbike there, went to slipi jaya with silvi devi reza to watch seobok (it was fun!!), had iftar at the yumz green sedayu. It was raining when we get back. prayed maghrib and isya in some random mosque. went back and arrived at like 8 past sumn. showered, slept like a babyy

2 - lazed, slept and woke up at like 11, went to nila’s house, practiced doing eyeliner by borrowing nila's (focallure brand), iftar at green sedayu foodcourt (originally intended to go to the yumz but it enforces actual distancing) with angkot ppl minus tik will. Arrived home at about 9-ish.

3 - magang as usual. Went to rm. Took mrt to lebak bulus. My inaco salary finally came. My head kinda hurts after tarawih. Ended up skimming over bj alex lmaooo. Did not shower today lol,,,,

4 - added dr dafsah's revision to the excel database otw to rsf. Pak nardi took a while to arrive. Left rsf early to go to the bank. I (((finally))) activated m-banking lmaooo wow the features are neat wow im not jahiliah anymore. Found this method of just let it sweat anyway during tarawih lmaoo. Preferably with long sleeves bcs somehow you feel less of the sweaty feel compared to tshirt.

5 - sampling - data entry - RM as usual. Theres no new RM. Read a goood dramione fic by bex chan even if its not complete, its okay. Im okay :"))). Iftar was soup, salad, chicken katsu and french fries. Its been 2 days that i practiced sleeping-to-rain-sound. The first night was spent as a dreamless quick sleep (its over before you knew it), but tonight i dreamed abt almira's wedding lmaoo.

6 - no sampling today!! Still went to rsf tooo go to the mall w regen lmao. Did some data entry. Went to PP by mrt. Went back by going to halte gbk and thankfully the kalideres one arrived after only waiting for 5 mins. Its surprisingly quick, compared to lebak bulus - pesakih trip. Took abt 20 mins to jelambar.

7 - no sampling today too. Dr vera gave us lebaran cookies! Did gcp for bu suryati a5. Went to rm, finally finished the available rm. Went home early. Can finally relax since its the weekend.

8 - literally laid in bed til my body hurts. Rly want to read sumn but dunno what. Finally decided to read momoiro heaven. And rere hello. And after iftar i read lack of love. And just like tht, my saturday was gone. Cant bring myself to do things

9 - its another day of lazying (or self sabotaging, cant tell). Read spy family and its effin hilarious. Wasted my sunday. Cant bring myself to even move and i just laid in bed all day.

10 - last day of work in the weeekend lmao. Felt better than being in AR, but still not that much productivity. Went to RM. Phone call w fianti along the way to plan food in almira's bridal shower. Went back at 12-ish. Picked up my dress from risma busana. Walked to and fro halte kebon jeruk. Prayed zuhur close to ashar in kfc's mushola. Felt better after ~8k steps. Had homelab's green tea mixed with vsoy. It honestly made me feel better. Matcha, or caffeine, sure is amazing. At least i had a sense of normalcy before losing all the will to self-care

11 - consumed internet entertainment u til i was sick and tired of it. Watched a lot of cut videos. Granny came and stayed over. So i slept upstairs

12 - same as 11 but upstairs. More relatives came near iftar time so i excused myself to shower. Slept in mom n dads room at like 12-ish. Watched hp goblet of fire since keisha and karins newest obsession was draco. We squealed together over liking enemies to lovers trope haha,,,,

13 - Somehow all of dad's jakarta relatives came for lebaran. the last time i checked, there were some bridges being burned. prayed eid at home. watched perempuan tanah jahanam (which was surprisingly not scary). ate. napped. talked about personal things w keisha and karin. i cant believe the time has finally come where we talk about this kinda stuff. watched you’re next (it barely has any plot, just gore). they went back at about 8 pm and i just sleptttt yall lmao i didnt shower today. disgusting, i know

14 - cam barely get out of bed. Managed to shower at zuhur time. Watched dalbang and laughed like crazy bcs its just that funny. Read fanfics. Tiktok. Ate once and had greenfield yogurt at the evening. Fell asleep. Woke up at 1 and snacked on 1 pack of oat krunch

15 - run bts. Originally planned to go to flavola but it was still closed, so i went to dm's dunkin. Ordered orange juice and oeanut choco donut but somehow the price wasnt package price hhh. Turns out my clires account was somehow banned. So i contacted the admin. Instead of doing dr dafsah's excel i ended up taking off the makara sticker from my laptop. Bought some stuff for almira's bridal shower. Bought arirang at hari2 (its funny bcs yesterday i was seeing online marketplace, planning to buy it, but turns out hari2 the magical place had buy 2 get +1 deal for arirang.

16 - run bts. Managed to move my body a bit. Did 20 squats (ill elaborate on this later). That improved my mood. Tidied up some of my stuff. Saw the paper bag of random memorabilias by friends.

17 - went to rsf by tj. left kalideres 06:45 and arrived at RSF 8:15. sampling. went to RM (still no new ones). picked up by mom. went to salemba for almira’s bridal shower. originally planned to get padang at citra minang behind BK but it was closed. so we drove around looking for open ones. ended up buying it in a small (but crowded) padang place near a big padang restaurant lmao. was the first one to arrive at acacia. checked in, pulled the bed near the wall. showered. its hilarious sometimes with a bit more serious discussion anjayy. went home w febby who drove and clara

18 - went to mcd to get lunch (since everyone’s fasting) and tried to muster the will to do something. i didnt manage to do anything except shopping online (brought dusty pink hijab at hijup). got spicy chicken and iced coffee. (spoiler alert: tomorrow i got mencret2 lmaooo). read my suha and beyond the skidipapap its actually rly good

19 - went to RSF (with mom as usual. quickly snapped RM pictures while mom was waiting. went with her to mami’s house bcs she and uwak will fly to banjar. finally got to meet haekal, he’s such a smiley babyy its basically free therapy. planned outing with nisa lmao. from soekarno hatta we went to vintage vibes lmao since we’re already out. vintage vibes is more crowded now. and there’s less good findings now. went back emptyhanded. ate chicken arirang since there’s no food. fell asleep at like 06:30 until early morning lmaooo

20 - woke up at 2-ish am, played my phone, fell asleep at like 9?, woke up again at 11 lmaooo. went to sbux. had matcha latte. did some inaco work. todays the most productive ive been this week.

21 - went to gi with febby to also meet up with fi, bought falsies and glue (later proved to be of a horrible quality), siraman and pengajian almira (first time seeing an actual siraman), went to blok m w nes ren ara gen. Tried naruto takoyaki at little tokyo, went to daitokyo (i didnt eat anything), and got matcha cake, sakura and mango raspberry gelato at kebun ide. Picked up by mom. Renata gifted me bts 2021 winter package photocard 🥺🥺

22 - iluni internship webinar by dr naldo. Grabbed fried chicken master. Stupid time management etcetc made my start makeup at 12 (febby went out at 13:30). My falsies and hijabdo was done by herrr thank god for the help. Went to swissbel. Didnt take a pic w almira bcs time. Almiras wedding at damai indah golf pik. My skin was TERRIBLE at the wedding. The make up didnt stick prolly bcs of vitacid. Thank god for masks,,, went back home w febbyy. Made tiktok lmao

23 - lazed. Went to flavola. Its finally daytime caffeine again w kopsuscok. Did dr triya's translation work and finished it at home. She transferred the fee at like 11pm

24 - off to RSF with mom. no new medical records. wrote fuad’s name on the medrec borrowing form. continued to nisa’s place w mom. lazed, played w haekal, put some patient’s phone number on the inaco excel. Off to GBK with nisa and sarah. parked at abc field (shouldve parked near GBK’s H gate). saw moja museum 2.0, took lots of pics. mo paint (moral lesson: draw the background first!! not the foreground). finished at 16:30. ashar at masjid al-bina. nisa dropped me off at gbk tj station. prayed maghrib on the bus since the traffic was so ughh. met atikah in lippo puri. decided to eat seirockya so we walked to puri. talked about a certain someone along the way. we rly talked about it while walking until we arrived at seirockya. atikah treated me uyeyy since she and racheel will stay in depok for 2 weeks starting tomorrow. got the shoyu ramen and gyoza. took the taxi to atikah’s place. mom’s waiting there lmaoo i was like “noo dont wait at jco, just wait at atikah’s”. still felt energized that night in my bed. no sleepy2. like 100% awake. 

25 - woke up at like 9:30. i basically did nothing today. didnt even shower lmao (i showered last night). read the good teacher in one go. zoom meeting w dr eva. i rly need some structure in life, goshhh

26 - showered and went to mcd. got nasi uduk, breakfast wrap and milo for 26k (thanks mcd app promo and mcd duta garden’s menu machine, i dont have to interact with another human). planning to do dr dafsah’s excel after all the data is complete, and still no new inaco data, so i ended up.... online shopping at bobobobo....... (bought outer and white culotte). tidied up the writings on my stickies (plenty of words has accumulated). ordered onejai for emir juan (expensive!!! 79k no promo lolll but free delivery. i was baited by gojek’s 1k 2 week subscription and felt like hmmm i should get something since we live in the middle of nowhere and free deliveries felt significant at that particular time when im holding my phone lmao). fell asleep after drinking vsoy + matcha lol its soft caffeine no longer works i guess

27 - woke up late as usual, went to sbux at 1 pm. tried white peach matcha frapp. the peach overpowers and u can barely taste the matcha. tried to read something useful (in medicine) but skimmed 2 ppt and then i saw solid’s bitly for isip. finished reading banana fish. couldnt bawl my eyes out because im outside.

28 - checked out rsf. Still no new ones. Immediately went back. Lazed and wasted my time

29 - iluni webinar. Here comes the impending life crisis. Ate nasi uduk and mie goreng telor today. Tried vsoy golden grain with matcha. It has almond aftertaste. Line call with kris for almost 4 hrs until 11 past sumn pm.

30 - more iluni webinar. Dr Eric, SpPD, PhD was rly cool. Tried daily box (butter soy chicken). Quite tasty. Mkg w regen. Videocalled in the mall w silvi racil bcs its ale and nadaa's wedding today. Bought gooma 500ml matcha w gofood pickup discount. Ate sushi go (the shoyu has mirin btw). 50k+ you get 6 piece of sushi (2 salmon) and matcha cake and ocha. Quite a nice deal. Talked abt cryptocurrency lmao. Went back and forth w TJ. All hail tj

31 - planned to do at least some productive stuff at home. turns out nila is outside and had some time to spare. so we went out. i met her in citra 6. we went to pik’s white beach. its scorching hot since its 2 pm. spent like 15 mins there. we had wanted to stop by monsieur spoon but THERES A QUEUEEE even if its a hot afternoon. so we ate tom sushi at green sedayu. talked a bit afterwards in nila’s place and then i was picked up by emir. tried gooma’s matcha. its not sweet like sbux. approved by mom (who doesnt like sweets). but its more expensive than sbux’s 2L 100k promo lol. (45k after gopay pickup promo for 500 ml). reread bj alex lmaooooo found new tidbits

[deathdab4cutie]

i just sent him literally a paragraph that told me 20+ minutes to type bc he told me since i can’t discuss it with it him it says a lot about “the future of our country” bro u dont have any science. if u had some science and didnt say the assault thing sure. but u are literally religious to the point where it interferes with your daily life and u cant look/hear certain things such as me saying the phrase “omg” bc it’s in inappropriate or w/e. u are so far gone and brainwashed i really do feel bad for u holy shit. ik i’m not alone in this either bc your only other 2 friends (who are also my friends too) have come to me about this lmaooo and people in high school with u are concerned about you i know bc i’ve been told. i cant help u anymore i’ve been telling u to go to therapy when u have access to, but wont do it, for almost 2 years i’m pretty sure. sorry it has to end like this but u telling me this has made me scared af bc this is turning against your only 3 friends (2 cis girls and 1 trans man.) when will u turn against lgbt+ because your beliefs? bc that’s 2/3 of your friends. i feel bad for you.

….one of my good friends just told me no one, not even assault victims, deserves an abortion and i am literally shaking with anger how the hell can you fucking say that?? espically when you’re a cis guy who will never have to experience that fear of being pregnant with a baby you don’t want to have??? i am literally flabbergasted holy shit