#to be*

[lntrusiveknock]

lovelier to be haunted by somethings more

[quasaur]

Be, or Be Not

Jesus did not command us to TRY to be perfect...[laughing] (Matthew 5:48)!

CLMJournal.com

[serenityquest]

[not-so-allegiant-general]

MEETING 2

"Good morning, General" Lucien put his cup of caff on the table and sat down glancing at Hux. Armitage was eyeing him carefully. He had some time to think, and he decided that there was something familiar in Lucien, something to his posture, to his moves. That specific tone of voice, that familiar accent, every time he addressed him as a general. As he was far too used to it than he wanted to admit. Yes, that was it. Hux could see him in the uniform. And he was quite damn sure that it wasn't a New Republic one.

"Good morning." Lucien pulled out his datapad, opened his notes, and tilted his head looking at Hux.

"How are you today ?"

"Excellent as always." Lucien smiled amused.

"You are going to point out my every mistake aren’t you, general?"

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"Well of course. Let's play a game."

Hux snorted.

" I’m not a child."

"Yes. I’m aware. But games are useful, aren’t they? I am sure you know that, General. It's easy. I am going to tell you about my day and you are going to tell me about yours, in a similar manner. "

"And where’s the fun in that?" Lucien raised his brow " Games are supposed to be fun. If there is no fun it is merely an exercise. I am sure you know that, Lucien. "

"So clever and you are missing out that I am the one who can get out whenever he wants, if you are not playing by my rules." Hux pressed his lips together with disdain.

"Blackmailing your clients is a common practice of yours.?"

"No. It's just reserved for sneaky bastards like you. Playing by my rules or do I go home and see you next week.?" Hux snorted and glanced at him.

"Go on. Tell me about your exciting day, Lucien"

"Excellent. Well. I woke up. I felt quite tense and stressed. I had an important meeting. I felt afraid I must say. I went back to my quarters. I felt... "

"Stop." Lucien fell silent. When Hux didn't say anything else he put his datapad aside on the table.

"You caught the pattern, right? The fact. And the feeling. It shouldn't be very hard." Hux stayed silent. "Alright. Let's start with something smaller, shall we? We sit here and I feel concerned."

"I am not doing that."

"Refusing something because you are not good at it, is kinda below you, General. Just saying." He hummed.

"How can I feel sitting here all day and waiting for these idiots to decide if it's more beneficial for them to kill me or to put me here for the rest of my life ?!"

"Angry. From what I can see. "Hux froze "Humiliated. Helpless. Upset. Betrayed. Scared. Lost. Depressed. Defeated. Look I can sit here guessing all day but that's not the point. " he sighed when Hux didn't answer " Or I can go on and you say something when you get bored."

"Bored," Hux repeated, fixing his eyes on Lucien. "I am bored."

"That's something. Not a lot of things to do here, hm?"

"I asked for paper and a pen. They refused." And he was actually near tears when they did. Boredom was awfully painful. He could never stand being alone only with his thoughts. There was always work. There was always something to do, that required his attention. Always something more important. 

He closed his eyes feeling a little off.

“Boredom can be challenging for someone who was always on the move. You weren’t often bored, right?”

“No. I suppose I wasn’t. Not like that…” A sudden wave of nausea took over him. He took a deep breath trying to keep himself up but when he opened his eyes everything was covered in black dots. “I…” he forced out but his head fell.

"General?" Hux slid down the chair losing consciousness. "Guard!"

_________________________

Previous part: MEETING 1

Next part: coming soon! 👀👀

[cepheusgalaxy]

Baffled to this day that anglophones don't have a very clear distinction between being (in the moment) and being (as a part of your identity)

[sexual-wasteland-baby]

Hey moots and peeps,

I moved out of my parents place at the end of September and now live downtown in a small city.

I'm not on here bc I have people who enjoy me and keep making plans with me (not conducive to Tumblr activity)

for anyone who's got some sort of a semblance of me in their head -- I did it. 9 years of being an adult child in my parents house, closed.

Made of 3 years of not knowing I was gluten intolerant, 1 year of intensive therapy, 1 year of full time labour, 1 year of my body giving out, 2 years of hormonal testing and accidental detransition, and a year of enough health stability and coming to terms with myself and finally. Finally. Finally getting to separate myself from that place.

And now, to emotionally deal with who I've allowed myself to be through my entire life.

[chutoele]

chutœle verbs part 1

to be: celer /səˈle/

1SG: cele /sɛl/

2SG: celes /sɛl/

3SG: cele /sɛl/

1PL: celons /səˈlɔ̃/

2PL: celez /səˈle/

3PL: celent /sɛl/

[ryder-likes-their-aus]

Thinkin. About an au speffically what if through some means (maybe he’s cursed maybe the axolotal thinks it will help) bill ends trapped up in a human form separate from ford before the portal indcient but not after ford finds out imagine how absolutely horrid that would be. When they do fallout But also imagine like Stan still comes to gravity falls after ford sends for help. And when he gets there ford is acting like he never sent for help and everything is fine despite the house being in disarray. Despite the obvious evidence. Hell maybe he didn’t send for Stan maybe bill did just to screw with ford. (Like sending a note or whatever pretending to be ford to get Stan out there so he can use Stan as leverage seems in character for bill )

. And like ford keeps trying to convince him to leave but somthing is clearly wrong.

[hosserah]

And on my deathbed I will pray

To the Gods and the angels

Like a pagan to anyone

Who will take me to heaven

To a place I recall

I was there so long ago

The sky was bruised

The wine was bled

And there you led me on

In your house, I long to be

Room by room, patiently

I'll wait for you there

Like a stone

I'll wait for you there….

Alone….

[aliengummy]

[wiirocku]

Proverbs 15:12 (NLT) - Mockers hate to be corrected, so they stay away from the wise.

[jollystrawberrystrawberry]

Since homestuck is trending I feel the need to admit something…I read so many homestuck fanfics and yet I know nothing about the plot.

I feel the need to announce to you all I have been resisting the urge to read for SO LONG. This feels the universe cursing me for the hubris of saying that out loud.

[not-so-allegiant-general]

MEETING 1

“I’m here to ensure you can be sentenced for your crimes.”

And that. That caught Hux off guard.

"Excuse me?" He blinked.

" That you were compos mentis… On full possession of…"

"Yes. I know what that means." Hux barked.

"You are annoyed."

"I am."

"Why?"

"I was compos mentis I can assure you."

"Well, let me be the judge of that. That's my job. I hope you will help me do It, Armitage."

"No." medic frowned.

"No?"

"I mean do not call me that."

"That's your name. Isn't it?"

"It is." You don’t deserve it. I barely deserve it.

"Alright. Then… Mr. Hux? Just Hux? Or something else?"

Redhead sighed. It sounded wrong. Hux always made him feel bad. A name of his father. Name with long imperial tradition. Name with so much behind it. And Armitage… His first name. The name that his mother gave him so long ago. Soft and sad.

Medic tilted his head looking at him in anticipation.

"What about General?" Hux flinched lightly.

" I am no longer General."

" I’m aware. But if neither Hux nor Armitage will do… " Hux nodded slowly. "Alright, General. Let's begin, shall we? I want to talk about Starkiller, but we do have some time. We don’t have to rush it. You were talking a lot yesterday during the hearing. A lot. How are you now?"

"I… What?"

" How are you?"

" That's your question?" Medic smiled.

"Yes. I am not interrogator. I was given a lot of time with you to do my job. I believe we have some time to talk about other things. Especially after your trauma dump all of us yesterday… "

Hux frowned.

"Is that a professional term?"

" Of course.” He smiled amused “Well? You didn’t answer my question. How are you?"

" And here I thought you're not an interrogator." Medic smiled looking at his datapad, he put it down and sighed.

" Apologies, general. I have made a few mistakes. Let me correct myself. My name is Lucien Wertu. I have been assigned as your therapist. Would you mind telling me how are you?" He said after a brief silence. Hux should stop talking to him. But after months in the cell, he was keen on speaking to anyone. Therapist. How low am I to talk to a therapist? He sighed looking at the wall. He was low. There was nothing he could do about it, but talking to him? And for what? So, he could decide if the mighty Senate could kill him. What a farce… If they need to make an example out of him, then they should already shoot him. But no. Organa wanted a spectacle, a show. A common enemy that could unite everyone. His thoughts flew unsupervised now. He looked at Lucien, seeing that the medic was talking but not hearing it. He didn't care about it, and then he felt he was losing control, again. He was looking at the man in front of him, at the table, at his own hands and he wasn't able to tell if this was real. If any of those things exist in the same world as him. The distance between him and reality was so long that it sent him straight into panic. He swallowed remembering the last time it happened. Questions that he was not able to answer, answers that nobody wanted to hear.

"General, please, take a deep breath for me" Lucien said slowly.

His words slip through Hux as if they were nothing.

"There were five Resurgent-class star destroyers am I right?" something in Hux revolted against this statement so intensely that he sent Lucien a furious look.

"Eleven." Hux snapped at him.

"Ah. My bad. Deep breath, general. " And Hux listened. Cursing that damn medic. "Care to tell me their names? Do you remember them? "

It takes a few moments for Hux to gather his thoughts. Names, of course, he remembered. The insinuation that he could forget about his fleet, about ships that meant for him more than some people was absurd.

"Absolution, Conqueror, Fellfire, Finalizer, Harbinger, Incinerator, Retribution, Silencer, Steadfast, Subjugator, Thunderer, "

"Alphabetical order even? I am glad to have you back. Just take some breaths. Would you prefer telling me how are you or talking about a situation that brought you to reciting Star Destroyers?"

"Is there a third option?"

"We could skip a foreplay and start talking about Starkiller."

"What kind of therapist are you?" Hux frowned.

"A damn good one and you have ten free meetings with me before they may or may not death sentence you. So, use it. Your pride, or whatever it is you're holding to, is not going to save you. You can spend these few months being miserable or…

" Or what? Spend them being miserable and even more aware of it?"

" Or spend them talking with me. I can't promise you won’t feel miserable. But I am going to listen. To anything you want to tell me. You don’t have a lot to lose, general… this battle is already lost. Let's, at least, make it meaningful. "

He fell silent.

"I feel… damaged. " It was the only thing he said that day. The rest of the hour went quiet.

Disclaimer: Lucien Wertu is not a reliable mental health specialist and it’s not my fault, it’s his. This was written for fun and although I did some research it might be not accurate, sometimes on purpose. But If I wrote something really stupid and you would feel obligated to tell me that a reliable therapist would never do that, please do. I love learning new things, but keep in mind that again Lucien is not a reliable therapist.

Stay tuned for another meeting! MEETING 2 It’s past Kylux and future gingerpilot, but Hux centered for sure, keep that in mind too.

[dreams-of-mutiny]

To be is to live for experience; to be is the desire for experience.

To be is to experience.

The meaning of life is what we want from it, with all the irony and disappointment of having to share this world with others, of knowing our limitations. And, on the other hand, with the happiness, satisfaction, and pleasure of living and sharing with those we love.

[chutoele]

to be in Pikotipi part 1:

infinitive: esere /ɛˈsɛ.ɾɛ/

present tense:

1SG: źono /ˈʑɔ.nɔ/

2SG: źe /ʑɛ/

3SGM: eji /ˈɛ.ji/

3SGF: eje /ˈɛ.jɛ/

3SGGN: eju /ˈɛ.ju/

1PL: źimo /ˈʑi.mɔ/

2PL: źite /ˈʑi.tɛ/

3PL: źonu /ˈʑɔ.nu/

[cindycross-39]

It is time to become the woman I always have been.