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lord-of-dragons-2007 · 2 years ago

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So I follow the nostalgia critic on YouTube, and this past week had been a video on the kids wb, which was something I grew up for and lived for on Saturday mornings. I would get up at 7am every Saturday morning just to watch cartoons, like any kid.

This isn’t a post about a YouTube video, its a post about what was the best time in my life. I want to say between 1995 and 2005 was the best time in my life, the time that was completely happy and had nothing but good times. All of the good cartoons, no stress in life, just that period of 10 years was a time when everything felt perfect in my life. I had my big family that was close and would have big parties on the major holidays, the coolest video games if you ask me came out about that time, the best events in my life happened in that time too. My parents were happy and lively and young and were amazing (not that they still aren’t amazing, but it was different).

I think back to that time and I hurt thinking that time was almost 20 years ago… I would give anything to go back and live in that time on infinite replay. I know it sounds stupid and unhealthy and whatever, but with the way things are today. Stress over my job, stress over my stupid asshole boss being a dick to me for what feels like every day, the main in my chest from panic and anxiety, worries about the mortgage, worries about the economy, worries about making the bills, worries about being able to cover all the meals I need to cover, worries about money, worries about being alone in my life, worries about if I will ever be a father if that dream will ever come true for me… worries about if my life will turn into a finely crafted family story or if it will end in a tragedy of not so good things happening to a good man…

I hate my life these days, the pain, the sorrow, the anxiety, and loneliness, all of it I feel without what feels like any joy in my life, without any love in my life. Every day I struggle to get out of bed, not because of a lack of sleep (though sometimes its because of that), its more of finding that reason to get out of bed. I just feel like the people in my life (if you can call them that) dont want to talk to me… I rarely have anyone check in on me, my dating pool has been so disappointingly small, sparse, and just nothing to even look at.. Lately I’ve been questioning what I’m doing at my job these days like just if I even want to be there anymore.

There is a picture I’ve seen before of a man made of puzzle pieces missing a lot pieces because he gave those pieces away to people who needed that piece, I feel like in so many ways that reflects me.. I am someone who cares about the people around me, my friends and people who I guess I may incorrectly perceive as more than just acquaintances. My very nature is to care and be there for those people, but then like the picture I give my pieces away and none come back to me, not that I’m looking for it, its just it sucks when I need something or need someone in my corner in the darkness that no one and nothing is there for me… or thats just really what it feels like.

I had made a ‘friend’ last year that had made a promise to me that ‘I was stuck with them as a friend’, and today I saw that they had blocked my text messages for reason… Even though I had supported them in their relationship, and getting engaged to someone, and helped them when they needed a friend… I just feel like my life has nothing really good in it, the only thing I can say are just my little dogs. Between these sweet girls and my parents its really the only reason I’m really still here, without them I might have just crawled into bed and died a long time ago…

the past couple of weeks I’ve just questioned if I’ve died on the inside long ago, if I am truly just dead on the inside and just carrying on a shell of who I used to be, a ghost that is wondering around without rest… As I’ve said before I am sure I’m going to die alone, sad and alone.

Honestly I am not sure why I am even taking the time to write this, its not like anyone really follows my random cryings in the void/darkness. I wonder if I have even made any difference in anyone’s life aside from my parents, I just feel like a plot point in a movie that if you factored it out it wouldnt change the movie at all… Just so much of my life I’m questioning from just what I do for a living, how I interact with people, if I’ve had any sort of meaningful positive impact on people, if just I’m just a waste of space and resources that the world would be better off without…

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seoftjinnie · 6 years ago

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what to do when you’re having awful period cramps and painkillers are taking more than 2 hours to work?

#im dying #‘’the majority of people who have periods dont feel pain’’#why the fuck do i have to the minority #to be*#every single month i almost faint

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bilbobagginsomebabez · 2 years ago

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not reblogging the whole addition

LMFAO FAIR

in no particular order

how to incentivize people to take these jobs

teach them and pay them. we're a caring species and we like to help each other. million and a half psych majors graduate every day with a vague idea of 'helping people.' social work is A HUGE field. put em through some extra training and send 'em out. like i work in the nonprofit sector so i'm surrounded by bleeding hearts every day but seriously we dont struggle to source/staff bleeding hearts, its more a race against the burnout clock as we do our work in extremely hostile environments. and what burns you out isnt exposure to Bad Shit, its impotence. the idea that no matter what you do, you're never gonna make a dent in the avalanche of pain and hardship you're fighting. helping somebody? the success case can power a social worker through for months. a part of caring for people who do communal care work is actually letting them really help. you know how i mentioned somewhere that we live in a society that intensely incentivizes ruthlessness and cruelty? it also suppresses and punishes care workers. like, let us fuckin live and we'll do it all and be very happy about it.

ways in which e.g. American policing in particular derives some of its worst excesses from a culture that prioritises* the officer always feeling safe and able to defend themselves (with violence) over the safety of the citizenship at large

i would develop this a bit further. its not just that american policing has a culture that prioritizes their own safety over their citizens, its that when you make an army, they're going to find an enemy. our police force is highly militarized with lots of super special violent toys that they very badly want to play with. here's confessions of a former bastard cop for a baseline. they will on purpose fuck up restorative initiatives as will many Huge American Industries that heavily rely on harsh exploitation. any transition period would be shaped by those factors to a HUGE degree.

realistically messy transitional period... a realistic treatment of the people who work in it, as well

concepts to play with:

-warring institutions. this happens all the time in govt but a transitional period between a carceral and restorative justice system would have two active institutions at direct cross purposes with each other. cops in different jurisdictions already fight about cases, throw in a new institution in the justice system that is antithetical in every way to a carceral system, and you've got a recipe for interdepartmental chaos. social workers' clients being arrested and harassed. social workers demanding to keep cases that are too 'violent' according to the current division of the carceral/restorative system. you can bet they'd fight like hell about it too if they really believed they could stabilize the client.

-What Laws Do We Keep And How Do They Work. like a social worker with a homeless client who got high on the street is going to try to give them a house to get high in, not send them to jail. and like. that's required for a restorative justice system to be restorative. weve decided we dont want people getting high on the street so we have to make sure they have a house to get high in. or have we decided! do we care about people getting high on the street? is it necessary to intervene or can we all actually just be chill about a guy being kinda weird in your general vicinity.

-severe and persistent mental illness. like de-escalation and care for SPMI patients is a ROUGH fucking field, esp with psychosis. states of psychosis can pull from any element of your memory, so if the patient experienced a lot of violence, they may respond with a corresponding level of violence to the memory and not the situation. it is not their fault and it is HARD to manage and currently it's damn near impossible to do it well. you have to be able to maintain an extremely stable environment long-term and the people who are trying just do not have the funding. the revolution will not be funded and all. imagining how that works in a restorative system, when you KNOW that the risk can never be lowered below like 50 or 60% and they still deserve compassion? like people literally already volunteer for that job and they do it in far more dangerous circumstances than they deserve with far less pay so its not like you won't be able to manage it, but there's still a big fat fucking HOW. and how you protect them from a carceral system that would further abuse them and make them more dangerous. (i have firsthand knowledge of this lmao ask me about the ed and charity test of human rights its based on my parents)

-like it will be messy as FUCK and absolute chaos but i think not in the ways you're imagining. like genuinely i can't tell you enough people do not like pain and will take the easiest available option to avoid it. they dont wanna be hungry, they dont wanna be stressed, they dont want to be in the violent situation just as much as we all dont want it to be happening. (mindfully keep your definition of violence to include stuff like 'poverty' and 'suffering treatable health problems.' anything that is going to unjustly steal another humans patience coins and put them on trend towards a violent deficit.) 99% of every person you meet is choosing the path of least resistance most of the time and would prefer resistance-free paths in general (fun pop culture detective video about this using wall-e). but there are HUGE hurdles in the form of cultural imagination and How We Are Used To Managing Ourselves. the US is an extremely bureaucratic society, as most empires are. dont get me wrong i fucking love a bureaucracy but the level & type of bureaucracy we experience here and now is a surveillance state and also. ok like systems in general are designed to take varied inputs and create consistent outputs. empires do not generally produce outcomes that prioritize the people's wellbeing, they prioritize order and control and suppression. so all the systems they built no matter how you shake them out are going to produce suppressive outcomes. you can't take a machine built to make carburetors and say it's going to make solar panels now unless you also replace all the parts. like it will just keep spitting out carburetors.

so you can ABSOLUTELY create systems that produce positive outcomes for people, but they do not react well to 'institutionalization' as we understand/think of it. like restorative justice is at the very limits of our cultural imagination (why the only good examples we've got are indigenous.) that essay about the abolition of the family--they're talking about creating multiple layered systems of communal grievance management so no one person or group ever has final say. child abuse is a very good example of how our concepts of institutionalization play out. current system: parents have Ownership And Authority Over Child Until Age 18 And Nobody Can Intervene Unless Their Behavior Is Literally Illegal And Actionable In A Court Of Law. breeding ground for isolation and control and lots of silent abuses ignored until they're unbearable or life-threatening. now if you get out of that, you dont gain any more autonomy, you become a ward of the state and speaking as a foster kid you're fuckin lucky if your circumstances don't get worse. your parents make the decisions and then a social worker appointed by the state does. a program like CPS is what americans imagine when they picture restorative justice. but unfortunately that also is violence! 1. CPS intervention and being stolen from your family is fuckin traumatic you're not removing violence from the cycle there. the imposition of an institution's will over your own after you've been harmed is another act of violence. 2. what do child welfare law and age of majority even look like when parents no longer have legal control over their childrens bodies

so you can't just make a rival social worker police force that replaces the carceral police force and call it a done day. useful to make a line in your head between 'system' and 'institution.' its honestly very difficult to totally re-imagine who is present and how they're 'authorized' and how your community reinforces those bonds. how it protects people in advance, how healthy your social web is. like with child abuse, robust and socially protected bonds with a wide range of trustworthy adults is the first step. how do you create a system that effectively bonds a community intergenerationally so when a kid gets hit, they can go to a teacher or faith leader or aunt or social worker or That Nice Guy From The Gas Station and they have so many options that even if one of them falls through, more than one won't. then how do you systemically protect those bonds to give each and every one of those trusted adults the right and social reinforcement to step in and the literal laws encoding the child's right to Decide How To Feel Safe Again. all of it geared towards restoring communal trust and safety.

+ resilient, responsive systems need redundancies. the same thing in multiple different places made in slightly different ways. so how do you do that? on a practical level, who gets put where and what are they allowed to do? when they do whatever they're allowed to do, what's the next step after that, how does it escalate? there will be situations where someone would be safer if they were controlled, and how do we navigate those? what do we do if we suspect that someone is getting close to violence but hasn't committed it yet--how do we identify them outside of an invasive surveillance state and intervene without punishment? how do you respect cultural knowledge and expertise denied by institutions (.....like indigneous justice systems and indigenous ecology) without leaving the door wide the fuck open to our culture's extremely real predisposition towards fantastical thinking. we are a whole country of marks highly recommend fantasyland by kurt anderson.

I think the cumulative effects of this sort of thing contribute to toxic cultures within not only policing but (probably more so, perhaps not uncorrelated with the ways in which the relationship is better and the people less armed) also within medicine and social services

spot fucking ON concepts of medical abuse are HIGHLY applicable to restorative justice and i do not remember enough about the specifics to speak on it but it's an area of Hot Debate because of the inherent power imbalance of needing to trust another person's expertise for your bodily wellbeing. that shit is MURKY and fascinating because it's like "the social role of nurses is currently undergoing a social self-selection process for bullies--how can we alter that system of incentives to socially self-select for Nice People and disincentivize Mean People." and another bit is that the social self-selection process for doctors is a lot of self-important 'i like being The Smartest Guy In The Room and Unquestionable' types. stuff in development with medical panels and changing how medical school is done so it's not like A Brutal Feat Of Will And Intellectual Might but teaches stuff like empathy instead.

re-- specificially a transitional period (not actually a quote just a new topic)

so one of the difficulties with that period is you don't get a ton of opportunities to represent what a restorative justice system does with perpetrators (esp serious perpetrators) as long as a carceral system is in play. because when things are too scary, people default to the familiar. and we're very afraid of The Big Bad Criminals--the malicious rapists and the unrepentant pedophiles and serial killers. the worst of the worst the jeffrey dahmers and shit. and we use those big bad monsters to keep our fear alive and our belief in the necessity of carceral justice alive. but like. that shit is uniquely american and its still rare here. so the need and request for americans to See how a restorative justice system handles their boogeyman is like--well. restorative justice mostly stops us from creating boogeymen out of people. indigenous accounts of colonization are brutal but SO good to read when you can find them to really nail it home. they could not comprehend the inhumanity and depravity of the europeans. these motherfuckers seriously wiped out everyone who was normal and spent the last 200 years convincing us we're all fundamentally evil selfish animals who must be controlled. doughnut economics by kate raworth has a fantastic explanation of the development of the 'modern man' as we understand him--the economic animal, the "rational actor." [1] we're not rational. we're rabidly social. when you create paths of least resistance that allow people to manifest that extremely real human trait? it works. it actually works better and easier than when you're forcing a lot of people to do everything through complex threats of violence.

*brit spotted

[1] as a very petty aside, the man who invented the concept of the rational actor (john stuart mill) SAID THIS HIMSELF: "the resulting depiction is an arbitrary definition of man based on premises which might be totally without foundation... No political economist was ever so absurd as to suppose mankind are really thus constituted." ITS BULLSHIT.

I would really be interested in reading a story written by a police abolitionist who has a good sense of how police would/should be replaced in society. It would be a procedural of sorts, inasmuch as it would be about the process of discovery of the facts of a wrongdoing and how the wrongdoing is handled during and after the fact, and it would follow the various groups of people involved in facilitating that process/processes.

I just think this would be both interesting and a really good way of introducing your vision to people and getting them to read it. In fact, I would be open to collaborating on this project with any interested party who had a strong sense of a system they thought would work but wasn’t so much the this-kind-of fiction writer.

#im longwinded as fuck and i love this topic #90% sure i have that section of doughnut economics highlighted in my copy lmfao i could def find it #mine

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captains-writing-desk · 4 years ago

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Changes of Winter

Universe: Harry Potter

Character: Severus Snape

Type: F!Reader Insert (You, Yours)

Words: 4,020

Prompt: Hello- Idk if you're still taking requests for Snape but could you possibly do one kinda based off the song Heather by Conan Gray? Like reader and snape are students and she likes him but hes too hooked on Lily to notice? Maybe even ending with like some fluff and them getting together in the end? Idk- up to you! And sorry if you weren't taking requests I dont mean to be a bother. (Sometimes I mix posts up where people say they are taking requests and not) 😅

Notes: Am I obsessed with snow and winter??? Maybe... Are y’all obsessed with Snape? YES, I HAVE SO MANY SNAPE REQUESTS! 😂 I haven’t proofread this guys I’m sorry! Some platonic Lupin in here for you too!

Enjoy!

“Are you cold?” You were torn from watching your breath disappear with the cold but gentle breeze. Your feet shifted and creaked in the snow as you turned to see Severus approach you with a book tucked into his chest.

“Severus,” You gasped softly and smiled, taking a moment to release your breath slowly, “It is snowing.” You stated the obvious as if he didn’t notice and he smirked at your sarcasm.

“I can see that. Where’s your scarf?” He frowned when you averted your eyes then turned towards the lake.

“Out there somewhere.” You shrugged and shivered the cold from your bones.

“Why is it out there?” He ducked to catch your gaze and you glanced sheepishly at him.

“I may have said some things to some people in defence yesterday. So they may have decided to push me and my scarf into the lake...” You smiled awkwardly and he sighed.

“Is that why a certain someone went to the infirmary with a broken nose last night?” He raised his brow.

“Yes. Yes it is. I have detention later so...” You didn’t quite get away with your crimes and he sighed again as he always did when you got yourself in trouble, it almost got longer as each year was passing. You tried to laugh it off but a shiver crept over you instead. Severus saw this and removed his scarf then held it out to you. You stared at the scarf draped over his palms and tried to decline but he stepped forwards and stapled it around your shoulders instead, flicking one end over your shoulder to loop around your neck. His scent immediately filled your nostrils and ran through every fibre of your being as you subconsciously hugged it closer to you.

“Thank you.” You muttered through the fabric, hiding the huge grin plastered across your face. For a moment you had not locked gaze with each other as he earnestly muttered a ‘You’re welcome.’ Yet, as quick as the gaze had lasted, his eyes fell behind you and his whole form softened. You took a moment to register his distraction and followed his gaze to a plume of red hair that fluttered gently against the shoulders of none other than Lily Evans.

Even you were taken aback by her beauty sometimes, you couldn’t really blame Severus or anyone else for that fact in being completely enthralled by her. You couldn’t help the jealousy you felt and how you envied her. You wished Severus looked at you like that. You wished you could distract him simply by walking into his view. You wished you were Lily Evans.

Then again, you watched James trail behind her, pushing every compliment under the sun at her. That you could do without if you were her but you weren’t her and never would be, especially in Severus’ eyes.

Her eyes flickered over to Severus and she smiled, adjusted her course and made her way over. Your chin fell to your chest and you sighed as she greeted you both. Severus returned his sentiments but before you could even half ass some form of greeting, James spoke up.

“Aren’t you supposed to be staying away from me?” He puffed his chest out and you turned and lifted your head to meet him.

“You came to me.” You folded your arms as you stood your ground.

“You did break his nose.” Lily stated, not defensively but casually.

“He pushed me into the lake.” You defended yourself.

“Because you punched him.” She stated again and you stifled a bemused laugh and looked at James who saw he had been caught in a lie.

“Is that what you’re telling people?” You laughed once again, “Is it too embarrassing to tell people that I was standing up for my friend,” You motioned briefly to Severus, “as you belittled him and you got so angry that you pushed me into the lake? So hard that I broke the ice and cracked my wand. Might even have drowned if Remus hadn’t pulled me out.” You stared him down- hard, making him regret ever bringing it up in the first place as Lily turned slowly to him.

“You said it was in self defence.” She folded her arms.

“It was!” He insisted.

“Of what? Your pride?” She scolded him and they started arguing so you turned to Severus again.

“You were defending me?” He spoke immediately.

“Of course. I don’t like people talking about you like that.” You cleared your throat awkwardly. He opened his mouth to say something but his gaze once again wandered over to Lily, which honestly at this point was annoying. She had started walking away, telling James to leave her alone and that she had just wanted to talk to Severus in peace. You looked back to Severus who stared longingly after her, almost pained.

“Go.” You told him and after a beat, he was following her leaving you alone to sigh through the pain you felt.

You understood he had known Lily a little longer than you, but she wasn’t really there for him as much. You assumed that with each passing year he would get over her a little more but not once did his admiration for her dwindle. Even as she got together with James he still felt a burning desire for her.

Now that they were together, Severus had less time to spend with her, uninterrupted time anyway and he would find himself moping about it around you. He would never expressly talk about it, come to think of it he had never even mentioned the fact that he even liked her but you knew it and you knew what pain he was feeling just by looking at him because you were feeling that same pain. The only difference being that he was bitter about it, his pain made him bitter and resentful which was difficult to deal with. Half of the time you would tell him to let things be and not be so bitter but he would either end up storming off or resigning himself to complete silence for the rest of the time spent together.

The more this happened, the more you thought about distancing yourself from him, as painful as it would be it had to be less painful than watch him fall and break for another woman that wasn’t you. There were times you were almost successful in breaking away but watching his heart break with nobody to fall on felt worse. Really you were all he had, not that either of you really knew it.

You found yourself feeling more alone despite deciding to stay close with him still, especially when he would get angry and storm off, leaving you alone for a few days until he decided to speak to you again.

It was one of those days where Severus was off elsewhere, possibly cursing you judging by how your day had gone. Everything seemed to have gone wrong, nothing major but all these little things had built up which in turn built up your frustration. In your free period you decided to sit by the lake to read and breath in the autumn air that was quickly being chased away by the sting of winter.

“Bit cold down here for you to be sat on the ground isn’t it?” The voice of Remus Lupin made you jump and you leapt to your feet.

“I came here for peace until you came.” You put your hand on your hip.

“I came here for peace too.” He took a step towards you and you stepped back. He raised his hands as if he was taking a wild animal. “Calm down.” He chuckled.

“Forgive me for not trusting any of you snakes around lakes.” You weren’t really being rude but you did have a point. You found Remus to be the more tolerable of his little group, he was paired with you in some of your classes and you found he had a pretty decent sense of humour.

“I don’t blame you really.” He laughed and sat down next to where you had been perched against a tree, pulled out a book then patted the space next to him. You rolled your eyes and went and sat next to him, flipping your own book to the page you had been on before. You both read in silence for a while until he sighed.

“I am sorry that they’re rude to you.” He turned to you with furrowed brows.

“So you keep saying.” You spoke flatly, not bringing your eyes away from your book. Truthfully he would always apologise for anything that happened to you on behalf of his friends.

“I do mean it though.” He said sincerely but what difference would that make.

“No offence Remus but it means nothing coming from someone who did nothing. Nothing to me yes, but do you say anything about it to them? I don’t suppose you do. Besides, I’m not the one who should be getting the apology in the first place.” He knew you meant Severus. Severus got it worse than anyone in that school.

“I know...” He whispered and you fell into silence while reading again.

He walked you back to the castle and to your next class with him, then to the hall for lunch afterwards.

Shortly after you sat down and bid your farewells, Severus slid himself into the space next to you.

“Were you just chatting with Remus Lupin?” He asked immediately.

“Welcome back.” You simply said, waiting for his inevitable apology before doing the same thing again a week later.

Winter had come in thick and fast as it did every year, but seemingly quicker this year. Perhaps because it was the final year and not long until you would be done for good.

“Does she even know?” You interrupted Severus’ thoughts as he watched James and Lily dance at the Yule ball.

“Know what? I thought you weren’t coming.” He tore his eyes away from her for a split second to glance at you, taking in your dressy appearance and you sighed.

“You’ve been badgering me all week to come so you wouldn’t be alone. It’s our last year here you know and there’s not much left of it at that.” You twiddled your thumbs nervously as you watched him carefully and leaned up against the wall.

“What are you getting at?” He suddenly snapped his head towards you and you averted your eyes momentarily, trying to bide your own time and calm your nerves somehow.

“I don’t know. It’s just been a long time Severus. Perhaps it’s time to let go.” You barely whispered but he knew what you said, perhaps ignoring it this time because it was Christmas and he did not want to storm off on you now. Though in reality you were perhaps talking more to yourself than you were to him in the first place.

A shadow cast itself between the two of you then and you looked to see Remus stood to the side of you.

“Can I help you?” You asked a little amused at the odd smile that graced his lips.

“I came to ask you for a dance.” He announced almost smugly.

“Is this a joke?” You looked around him for his friends, trying to catch a glimpse of them snickering away somewhere.

“No.” He had a goofy smile on his face that you were still trying to decide if it was genuine or not..

“Drunk?” You narrowed your eyes in amusement.

“A little.” He admitted with a chuckle.

“That explains it.” You laughed and glanced at Severus who still had his eyes on his prize but was listening in for sure because he rolled his eyes at Remus’ demeanour.

“Aw come on, I would actually like to dance with you. I thought we were getting on!” He slurred slightly and you started to wonder where he was finding whatever alcohol he had been getting at, perhaps it would have helped your nerves.

“Yeah I guess you’re right.” You had to admit you had become quite accustomed to his company.

“Yes! And I saved your life once so let’s say you owe me.” He flicked a finger gun my way and I laughed again.

“Alright. So if I get up and dance with you, and it’s all one big joke, you know I’ll break your arm right?” You shifted your body in preparation to follow him.

“I promise you, I just want to dance.” He said earnestly and held his hand out to you. With a quick glance at Severus who was still engrossed elsewhere, you took his hand.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” You pushed yourself from the wall and saw Severus out the corner of your eye finally turn to look at you as Remus towed you away.

That had been the last time you had seen Severus as your friend before school ended, the next time you had seen him you had gotten into a big argument with him about the whole ordeal. He wasn’t happy that you’d made friends with the likes of him let alone danced with him. You said he was being stupid and you defended Remus for not playing a part in the teasing and bullying but as you had said to Remus, he hadn’t tried to stop it, so you supposed Severus had every right to be mad.

If you’d have known he would end up being a Professor at Hogwarts with you perhaps you wouldn’t have accepted the position but then again, Dumbledore practically begged you to come and it couldn’t all be bad could it? It would be easy enough to avoid him or ignore him for the most part, aside from your gut practically kicking you every time you saw him.

There was a full moon out and you needed moon water so you chucked a warm robe on and meandered down to the lake, perhaps your favourite place despite almost dying in it. You opened your pouch of empty vials and crouched by the water, taking your time to carefully bottle the water and take in the crisp autumn air of September.

A shadow came over you and you moved slightly to glance at the reflection in the water.

“Severus.” Your heart stopped for a moment and you almost choked on the breath you didn’t even know you held. You stared at each other through the reflection of the lake for a while, neither knowing what to say. You were shocked he had approached you and perhaps he was a little shocked too, only that he was bold enough to do it.

You studied his features that had grown stronger as he had matured and he studied your own features, each of you coming to rest in the eyes that had not changed really, only that his held a different expression as they watched you now. Mind you it had been a while since you’d seen eachother.

He crouched beside you and held his hand out beside you, after a moment you passed him one of your empty vials which he promptly filled as you placed the bag between you so he could help. A silence fell between you for a while. Not an awkward silence but it was fairly jarring.

Once your vials were full he pulled out a different shape and sized vial and rolled it between his fingers before finally looking at you to tell him what you wanted in those. You looked at the vial then slowly at him, finally seeing not just a reflection.

“Mugwort.” You practically whispered and he raised his brow.

“I have Mugwort you know.” He pursed his lips.

“I like to do my own foraging. Besides I’m willing to bet you’re the kind of man who resents anyone coming to you for supplies.” You mirrored his expression.

“I know.” He thought for a moment, “You’re right, yes.” A very low chuckle escaped him, almost as quiet as a breeze but you heard it and things felt almost normal- too normal. You could feel yourself melting for him all over again, not that you didn’t melt when you saw him around but the acknowledgement of eachother changed the whole thing and it scared you. The small smile that had graced your lips watching him chuckle crept away, as if your memory had been wiped.

“You should know... I..” He trailed off and looked at the ground between you with his brows furrowed as he tried to speak. He took a breath and calmed himself before looking dead into your eyes.

“I really made a mess with you. I wish I hadn’t gotten so angry for no reason.” This was his attempt at making amends- beginning to at least.

“I understand.” You assured him you bore no I’ll will against him for his anger, after all you had understood why he was angry.

“It’s not just that really, I suppose. I wish I’d seen you more.” He was being very cryptic. What he was saying was difficult for him and though didn’t quite know what he was saying, you understood that he was trying to talk sensitively which was hard for him.

“Right?” You pressed him, ignoring the knot in your stomach.

“I’ve missed you.” He sighed, deciding he had said enough for now but it wasn’t the end of it. You on the other hand were lost. You hadn’t expected something like that from him but not only that, all hopes of forgetting him and moving on vanished like a shooting star. Would you let yourself be drawn back in by him? Of course you would. Who were you kidding?

“I missed you too.” You practically clawed for breath trying to respond to him then he smiled. A small smile but it was there, and it was beautiful .

For almost a month you we talking regularly like old friends again but something seemed wrong. There were some things he wasn’t telling you and you knew it. You didn’t want to ask him nor did you want to pressure him but you became increasingly agitated be this niggling feeling in the pit of your stomach that something was off but you pushed it down further and further but you felt the need to be close to him, increasingly so. Perhaps it was your lovesick ways coming back stronger everyday though deep down you knew it was something else. You asked him to spend Hallowe’en with you rather randomly although he knew it was perhaps your favourite time of the year so he agreed.

The feeling you had got worse and worse that week until the Hallowe’en feast came and it disappeared completely. Even the fact that Severus was not in attendance hadn’t phased you much because you would see him that night but the night came and you did not see him. You decided to take a trip to his room to see what was up but on your way there an overwhelming sense of dread and misery washed over you, stopping you dead in your tracks and clinging to the bannister of the staircase for support. You heaved yourself to stand straight and found yourself marching to the Headmasters office where you slumped against the door and knocked repeatedly. The door opened and your arm flew across the frame to keep yourself steady.

“Are you alright my dear?” Immediately Albus’ arms came to support you.

“Something is very wrong. I came to find Severus, I don’t know why I’m here.” You were oddly calm for someone practically panicking internally. It was an odd sensation.

“Come inside.” He led you into his office and sat you down asking why you thought something was wrong.

“I can feel it. I’ve felt this odd sense of dread for a while now until this morning when it left. Not five minutes ago did it come back worse than ever and I feel... Pained.” You thought about the feeling for a moment. Yes it was pain you felt now and Albus’ stared at you for a long time until he closed his eyes.

“It isn’t my place to speak for Severus so you must ask him but I can tell you this, He is going to need you more than he ever has now. Not as a second choice but as the only one he has ever needed truly.” You were absolutely baffled by what he said. It made no sense but all you knew was that Severus needed you.

“Should I go to him?” You whispered and he shook his head.

“I would advise you not to. He will return soon then I will take my leave.” You nodded slowly as he spoke.

“Might I stay here until he returns?” You asked flatly and stared at his desk.

“Of course.” He touched your hand.

You had fallen asleep at some point waiting for him, the numbness putting you to sleep but you woke up to Severus gently touching your shoulder with no sign of Albus.

“I’m sorry I missed Hallowe’en with you.” He sounded exhausted.

“It’s alright. What happened to you?” You had your head tilted back and looked directly into his eyes.

“Come.” He instructed and walked you to his living quarters where he sat you down next to him on a small sofa. He explained to you that Lily and James had been murdered by Lord Voldemort. He continued to explain his own hand in the scheme and some things you’d never expected nor wanted to hear. Though you were glad he seemed on the right path.

“I’m sorry, Severus. I know she meant the world to you.” You gently placed your hand in his in comfort but he flipped his palm up to take hold of your hand instead.

“I loved her, yes. She was not the one for me however. I ignored everything from you, even when it was my own pain I felt being mirrored back to me and I only came to realise that when you left to dance with that Lupin boy. I was angry at myself for not seeing you there all those years and I still took it out on you, as if you hadn’t tried. I suppose I’m telling you this now so no matter what you think about my choices right now, at least one of us got to say something.” You’d never heard him ramble like that before, only when he was arguing but this was a different type.

“It’s a lot to take in, Sev. I can’t deny that I’m happy you told me all that and frustrated that it took so long to get to this moment plus with all the extra information.” You paused for a moment and watched him retract his excitement from the situation. “I’ll adjust though. For now let’s take it one step at a time though?” You proposed and he nodded, a small smile creeping across his face but it was shadowed by the events of earlier.

“I’ll stay with you.” You whispered and leaned over to him, gently wrapping your arms over his shoulders and kissing his cheek. Neither of you knew how long you could stay with him but one step at a time right?

#reader insert #severus snape x reader #severus snape #snape x reader #snape #harry potter #fan fiction

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uncloseted · 3 years ago

Note

there's a part of me that still thinksa bortion is murder. i act like i support it to fit in but deep down i dont. please just listen. i think forcing someone to go through a pregnagncy they don't want is inhuman but it also feels inhuman to kill a baby and i dont like thsi idea that if youre 4 weeks pregnant and you want it its a baby but if youre 4 week pregnant and dont want it then its just a clump of cells thats just not how scence works. so theres this woman who was forced to get an .

Anonymous asked:

abortion and she was 6 months pregnant and apparently th baby waws born alive but it died shortly after from ashpyxia and i just dont know what to think. i know forcing smeone to get an abortion is just as bad as forcing them to give birth and that theres no such thing as a six month abortion and at least wher e i live abortions are only available until week 14 but like wwhat if someone is 15 or 16 weeks or 7 months, do they not have a choice anymore? please dont think im a bigot im not im so

Anonymous asked:

sorry i just dont want to be brainwashed by ANYONE, pro life or pro choice and im just so easily influenceable i just want to support whats right you know

No worries at all! I don't think you're a bigot and I'm glad that you want to engage with this issue critically. I'm happy to give you the facts as they stand and offer you my perspective on the issue. Apologies in advance that this is a bit long, but please try to stick with me until the end! All of this is important in understanding the different sides of this discussion.

There are a few main categories I want to talk about in this answer: legal, science, politics, and culture. For now, I'm going to avoid delving into any religious or metaphysical questions about what is and isn't considered "a person", since while those conversations are interesting, I don't think they're particularly useful in the context of discussions about abortion. As Harry Blackmun wrote in the court opinion for Roe v. Wade, "we need not resolve the difficult question of when life begins. When those trained in the respective disciplines of medicine, philosophy, and theology are unable to arrive at any consensus, the judiciary, at this point in the development of man's knowledge, is not in a position to speculate."

Legality

Starting with legal issues, there are a few points I think it's important to make in order to get a sense of how we relate to abortion. Abortions are legal in 98% of countries. 34% of countries, including the US, Canada, Australia, New Zealand most European countries, and China, allow abortions on the basis of a the pregnant person's request, without needing to prove that there is risk to life, risk to health, risk to the fetus, economic or social reasons that abortion is a necessity, or extenuating circumstances (such as the pregnancy being a product of rape or incest). The vast majority (93%) of countries with highly restrictive abortion laws, such as outlawing abortion except in cases where the pregnant person is endangered, are in developing regions. There are five countries that completely outlaw abortion. These are: Dominican Republic, El Salvador, Malta, Nicaragua, and the Vatican City, all countries where the Catholic church has significant influence.

Of the countries that do allow abortion, there is always a limit on how far into a pregnancy a person can be when they choose to terminate. Beyond that limit, the person doesn't have a choice anymore, and must carry the pregnancy to term (except in extenuating circumstances). The most common limit is 12 weeks (3 months), although some countries allow abortion up to the point of "viability", where the fetus can live outside the mother's womb with artificial aid. Typically, the point of viability is around 24 weeks (6 months). In the US, 87% of abortions are performed before 12 weeks, and 92.2% were performed at 13 weeks or fewer. For reference, pregnancies are typically around 40 weeks long.

Forced abortion is illegal in almost every country, including the US and the UK, and it is considered an act of violence against women. It is just as bad as forcing someone to give birth, which is why all countries do their best to prevent it from happening. While forced abortions can and do happen, particularly to victims of sex trafficking, I think the solution to this issue is to put policies into place that protect vulnerable women, instead of trying to ban abortion entirely.

Science

So, most countries allow abortions up to 12 weeks. What does that actually look like in terms of the fetus? Here's a timeline of fetal stages of growth:

Weeks 1-4: at this stage, the "baby" is actually an embryo. It starts out as just a fertilized egg. The amniotic sac forms around it, and the placenta develops. The eyes, mouth, lower jaw, and throat are in very early development. Blood cells are taking shape. By the end of week 4, the embryo is smaller than a grain of rice. It is very literally "just a clump of cells" at this point.

Weeks 5-9: the "baby" is still an embryo. Its facial features begin to develop, folds of skin that will eventually become ears grow, tiny buds that will eventually grow into arms and legs form, the neural tube, digestive tract, and sensory organs all begin to develop. Bone starts to replace cartilage. At about 6 weeks, a heart beat can be detected. After week 8, the baby is considered a fetus instead of an embryo, at which point the fetus is about one inch long.

Weeks 9-12: the fetus' arms, hands, fingers, feet, and toes are fully formed. It may be able to open and close its fists and mouth. Ears are formed, and its reproductive organs begin to develop. By the end of week 12, the fetus has all of their organs and limbs, and their circulatory and urinary systems are working, but everything needs to continue to develop in order to become functional. At the end of week 12, the fetus is about 4 inches long.

It is important to know that the miscarriage rate is highest in the first trimester (before week 12). Among women who know they're pregnant (typically further along than 6 or 7 weeks), 10-20% will miscarry. 30%-50% of all fertilized eggs miscarry.

Other important developmental markers include:

During month 4 (weeks 16-20), you can see the sex of the fetus.

During month 5 (weeks 20-24), the fetus starts moving around.

Between week 22 and week 24, brain waves appear in the cerebral cortex.

At week 24, the fetus may be able to survive if it is born prematurely, provided it has intensive care.

Somewhere between week 26 and week 30, the fetus may be able to feel pain, although we don't know that for sure.

A fetus is not capable of thinking, communicating, reasoning, self-motivation, feeling emotions, or consciousness. They don't have a concept of the self, and they don't know that they exist. They are essentially sedated for the entirety of the pregnancy. Since we use "brain death" as the primary criteria for death, it makes sense to me that we might consider "brain life" (the point where a fetus exhibits brain activity) as the point at which a fetus becomes a person.

While some people will refer to an embryo as a "baby" from the time they discover they're pregnant, scientifically, it is a clump of cells, whether that clump is allowed to continue to grow or not. It's not something we would recognize as a baby, or be able to interact with as if it were a baby. An embryo is a precursor to a baby, kind of like how a seed is a precursor to a plant.

Some other arguments

I want to quickly touch on some other arguments for abortion rights that people make. I'm not going to delve deeply into them, but it didn't feel right to leave them out entirely. These are arguments that don't depend on whether or not a fetus can be considered a person.

Bodily Rights

There are many situations in which we prioritize individual bodily rights over the right of someone else to live. For example, we don't force people to donate organs to people who are dying, even though a donated organ would save their life. Advocates for abortion rights argue that those same bodily rights should be extended to a pregnant person.

Deprivation

This argument usually looks something like, "but what if that fetus was going to cure cancer when it grew up!" Basically, it's saying that abortion is morally wrong because it deprives the fetus (and the world) of a valuable future. To me, this completely ignores the deprivation that already exists by forcing a person to carry and birth a baby they don't want, and potentially the deprivation that comes with raising that child. People who make this argument never seem to ask, "what if the pregnant person was going to cure cancer?"

Slippery Slope

Some people argue that normalizing and legalizing abortion may lead to people also accepting euthanasia. I am unconvinced by this for two reasons. 1. Slippery slope is a logical fallacy and 2. I absolutely do think we should legalize euthanasia for certain situations.

Religion

I don't want to dig too far into this one, but what I will say is that the US is a country that (at least nominally) has a separation of church and state, and the religious beliefs that other people hold should not infringe on a person's rights to make choices about their own life.

History and Politics

The practice of abortion itself is incredibly old. The Sanskrit epic Ramayana, which dates to the 7th century BCE, describes abortion being practiced by surgeons and barbers. In the Assyrian Code of Assura, circa 1075 BCE, a woman is allowed to procure an abortion except when it's against her husband's wishes. The first recorded evidence of induced abortion is from the Egyptian Ebers Papyrus in 1550 BCE. Japanese documents show records of induced abortion from as early as the 12th century, and it became more prevalent during the Edo period. It is considered to be unlikely that abortion was punished in Ancient Greece or ancient Rome. All major Jewish religious movements allow abortion in order to save the life or health of a pregnant woman, and often support abortion for other reasons as well. Christianity has a more complicated relationship to abortion, for reasons that I'll go into in a bit, but for now let's just note that there very much were ancient Christians who believed abortion was morally permissible at least some of the time. Before the 19th century CE, first-trimester abortion was widely practiced and was legal under common law throughout the English speaking world, including the US and UK.

The reason I bring all of this up is because the political debate over abortion isn't really that old, and the debate tends not to actually be about the morality of abortion as an act so much as it is a proxy for other issues. The first backlash against abortion in the English Speaking world was in the 19th century, and was a direct reaction to the women's rights movement, which was starting during that time. In the US, anti-abortion laws began to appear as early as the 1820s, but picked up in earnest by the late 1860s. These laws were introduced for many reasons, including the fact that abortions were being provided by untrained people who were not members of medical societies and concerns about the safety of abortifacients. By 1900, abortion was a felony in every US state, but they continued to become increasingly available. By the 1930s, licensed physicians performed an estimated 800,000 abortions a year.

Jumping forward a little bit, let's talk about the history of abortion in the US just before Roe v. Wade. It's estimated that in the 50s and 60s, between 200,000 to 1.2 million abortions were being performed per year, even though they were illegal. Throughout that same time, the second wave feminist movement was growing, and was increasingly advocating for birth control and liberalized abortion laws. As a reaction to second wave feminism, a number of anti-abortion organizations, primarily led by Catholic institutions, cropped up to mobilize against the legalization of abortion. It should be noted that, at the time, abortion was not an issue for evangelical Christian groups. In the 1960s, 17 states legalized abortion for a variety of different circumstances. Then in 1973, Roe v. Wade happens, ruling that a pregnant woman has the right to choose to have an abortion without excessive government restriction. The ruling was 7-2 in favor of legalizing abortion. Even after Roe v. Wade, Christian Evangelicals were neutral to positive on the ruling. It's only after 1980 that Evangelical Christians started to organize around abortion as a political issue and joined the Catholics to form what we now think of as the Christian Right. There's a lot to say about that and why that switch happened, but for the sake of brevity, just know that the evangelical backlash against legalized abortion in the US started not as a moral crusade, but as a way of convincing people to vote for Ronald Regan instead of Jimmy Carter (who wanted to de-segregate schools). No political debate happens in a vacuum, and it's important to understand what other factors might have been at play when looking at where these debates come from and how the sides formed.

Culture

Lastly, let's talk a little bit about the cultural impacts of banning or legalizing abortion. The right to have or not have a child is necessary in order for women to achieve equality with men. Countries with high gender equality, such as Iceland, Finland, Norway, New Zealand, and Sweden, also have easily accessible abortion options. Criminalization of abortion disproportionately impacts poor women and women of color, and does nothing to address the systemic issues that may cause them to require abortions in the first place.

Researchers from the WHO and University of Massachusetts found that banning abortion is an inefficient way to reduce abortion rates; in countries where abortions were restricted, the number of unintended pregnancies actually increased, and the proportion of unintended pregnancies ending in abortion also increased. When abortion is banned, women aren't not having abortions; they're having illegal abortions that are done unsafely.

There is also some evidence to suggest that legalized abortion actually decreases crime rates. 20 years after the legalization of abortion in the US, there was an unprecedented nationwide decline of the crime rate (including murders, incidentally). The drop in crime is thought by some to be a result of the fact that individuals who had a higher statistical probability of committing crimes (people who grew up as unwanted children in poverty) were not being born.

Which brings me to my next point- the majority of people who are "pro-life" (at least in the US) aren't really pro-life. They're pro-birth. If they were truly pro-life, they would be interested in making sure that all of those babies had their needs met after they're born. They would be interested in making sure those babies can lead long, healthy, safe, and productive lives. They would be for universal healthcare, expanded social safety nets, parental leave from jobs, universal basic income, raising the minimum wage, mandated vacation time, increasing funding for public schools, decriminalizing drugs, abolishing prisons or at least reforming the police. They would be against the death penalty (ironically, some of them are actually for the death penalty for women who have had abortions), and for increased access to birth control, comprehensive sex-ed in schools, increased gun legislation, against war and nuclear weapons, for enforced mask wearing to prevent people from needlessly dying from a global pandemic... but those issues don't factor into their "pro-life" stance. They're for "the baby gets born and then has to pull itself up by its bootstraps like the rest of us."

Closing Thoughts

Look. I'm not super jazzed about abortions. I understand how they can feel like an ethical issue. I think we should do what we can to reduce the number of abortions that are performed- teaching comprehensive sex-ed in schools, making birth control and emergency contraceptive options widely accessible, letting men know that reversible vasectomies are an option. I think we should make abortion easier to access, so those who do need it can make the decision early in the pregnancy. But I also think that it's a very personal decision, one that's irreversibly life altering, and the person who's going to experience the life altering event should be the one who decides what happens. 65 year old conservative, Christian white men who will never be pregnant (and frequently don't really know how the female body works) shouldn't get to make that decision for them. As someone for whom pregnancy would be life threatening, I want to know that I have options should that situation present itself someday.

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le-roi-des-bulgares · 4 years ago

Text

Voltaire writes back to Frederick...

... whom he hasn’t been in regular contact with for more or less four years.

Frederick had refused Voltaire’s asking for permission to go back to Potsdam in late 1753; avoided writing to him directly but let Abbé de Prades take up the correspondence; wrote and published a satirical ‘Portrait of M. de Voltaire’ in 1756.

Despite all the name-calling (fou, méchant, ~extraordinare~, etc.) to third parties, all the prayers to heaven that Voltaire never comes back, on Jan 19th 1757, Frederick wrote a ‘tender letter’ to Voltaire, days after Russia declared her entrance into the war.

At some point in summer 1757, with Frederick’s first major defeat at the Battle of Kolin, his mother’s death, the Prussian retreat from Bohemia, he fell into a deep depression (a haunting representation painted by Menzel) and meditated suicide. Either encouraged by Wilhelmine or voluntarily, he wrote to Voltaire, thus virtually reopened their regular correspondence.

The letter hasn't been found since (as the Jan 19th one, & many others from this period), but those survived still help construct a sense of it, as well as the brief personal warmth shown between Voltaire & Frederick - both said they couldn’t care less.

Here is a collection of some extracts which I like and hope can serve to paint this exchange of letters between F & V, with Wilhelmine as their mediator, in a somewhat clearer light. These are from letters written from July to December 1757 by Voltaire, Wilhelmine and Frederick. All originals are taken from Edition Garnier & Œuvres de Frédéric le Grand. Translations are mine. Emphasis in texts are made by me. my english and french are both not so good, but i try;; so feel free to critique my usage of words etc.!

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Frédéric au marquis d'Argens, (Leitmeritz), 19 juillet 1757.

Mon cher marquis, regardez-moi comme une muraille battue en brèche par l'infortune depuis deux ans. Je suis ébranlé de tous côtés. Malheurs domestiques, afflictions secrètes, malheurs publics, calamités qui s'apprêtent : voilà ma nourriture. Cependant ne pensez pas que je mollisse. Dussent tous les éléments périr, je me verrai ensevelir sous leurs débris avec le sang-froid dont je vous écris.

My dear marquis, see me as a wall breached by two years’ misfortunes. I am shaken on all sides. Domestic misfortunes, secret afflictions, public misfortunes, looming calamities: these are my food. Do not think that I have given away, however. Must that all elements perish, I will bury myself underneath their debris, with the cold-blood with which I am writing to you.

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[Frederic wrote to Voltaire at some point in mid-august 1757, sent to him at Les Delices in Geneva via Wilhelmine.]

De Margrave la Baireuth à Voltaire. Le 19 août.

Je suis dans un état affreux, et ne survivrai pas à la destruction de ma maison et de ma famille. C’est l’unique consolation qui me reste. Vous aurez de beaux sujets de tragédies à travailler. Ô temps ! ô mœurs ! Vous ferez peut-être verser des larmes par une représentation illusoire, tandis qu’on contemple d’un œil sec les malheurs de toute une maison contre laquelle, dans le fond, on n’a aucune plainte réelle.

I am in an awful state, and I will not survive my house and my family’s destruction. This is the only consolation left for me. You will have handsome subjects of tragedies to work on. O time! O morals! You will perhaps make tears pour down by an illusory representation, while people contemplate on the misfortunes of a whole house with a dry eye against that which, deep down, they do not have any real pity for.

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Voltaire à M. le Maréchal Duc de Richelieu. (a vous seul.) [Août 1757.]

Le roi de Prusse s’est remis à m’écrire avec quelque confiance. Il me mande qu’il est résolu de se tuer, s’il est sans ressource ; et madame la margrave sa sœur m’écrit qu’elle finira sa vie si le roi son frère finit la sienne.

The king of Prussia started to write to me with some trust again. He tells me that he resolved to kill himself if he is without resource; and madame la margrave his sister writes that she would end her life, if the king her brother ended his own.

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Voltaire à M. le Comte d’Argental. Aux Délices, 12 septembre.

Les affaires de ce roi, mon ancien disciple et mon ancien persécuteur, vont de mal en pis. Je ne sais si je vous ai fait part de la lettre qu’il m’a écrite il y a environ trois semaines : J’ai appris, dit-il, que vous vous étiez intéressé à mes succès et à mes malheurs ; il ne me reste qu’à vendre cher ma vie, etc., etc. Sa sœur, la margrave de Baireuth, m’en écrit une beaucoup plus lamentable.

Allons, ferme, mon cœur, point de faiblesse humaine.

The affairs of this king, my old disciple and my old persecutor, have gone from bad to worse. I do not know if I had told you about a letter that he wrote me about three weeks ago: I learned, said him, that you were interested in my successes and my misfortunes; it only remains to sell my life dearly, etc., etc. His sister, the margrave of Bayreuth, writes me a much more lamentable one.

Go, harden up, my heart, nothing of human weaknesses.

[note: the last line is a quote from Molière’s Tartuffe, Act IV, Scene III. vendre cher sa vie means to kill a number of enemies before one’s own death.]

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Voltaire à Madame la Margrave de Baireuth. Aux Délices, 29 août 1757.

Madame, j’ai été touché jusqu’aux larmes de la lettre dont Votre Altesse royale m’a honoré. [...] me sera-t-il permis de mettre sous votre protection cette lettre que j’ose écrire à Sa Majesté le roi votre frère ? [...] Je voudrais qu’il fût persuadé de son mérite personnel : il est au point que beaucoup de personnes de tout rang le respectent plus comme homme que comme roi. Qui doit sentir mieux que vous, madame, ce que c’est que d’être supérieure à sa naissance !

Madame, I was brought to tears by the letter Your Royal Highness honored me. [...] Will I be allowed to put this letter under your protection, which I dared write to His Majesty the king your brother? [...] I would like that he be persuaded of his personal merit: he is at a point where many people of all ranks respect him more as a man than as a king. Who would feel better than you, madame, what it is like to be superior to one's birth!

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Frédéric à la margrave de Baireuth, Naumbourg, 9 (septembre 1757).

Ma chère sœur, viens de recevoir votre lettre du 6, avec l'incluse de Voltaire. [...] Je vous prie de vous tranquilliser l'esprit; vos inquiétudes me sont précieuses, certainement j'y suis sensible, et je vous regarde comme le seul exemple d'amitié parfaite dans ce siècle corrompu; mais, en s'inquiétant, on ne change pas le destin, et dans des circonstances où l'on doit s'attendre à tout, il faut se préparer à tout événement.

My dear sister, [I] just received your letter of the 6th, with Voltaire's enclosed. [...] I beg you to reassure your mind; your worries are dear to me, certainly I am sensible of them, and I regard you as the only example of perfect friendship in this corrupted century; but, one does not change destiny by worrying, and in the circumstances where one must expect everything, we must prepare ourselves for all events.

[last time Frederick wrote ‘this corrupted century’ to Wilhelmine was in 1730, from Cüstrin.]

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La margrave de Baireuth à Frédéric, (15 septembre 1757)

[note that the letter F wrote to V, which Wilhelmine speaks of, was a reply to V’s late august response, likely dated around September 9th, sent in the same package to Wilhelmine.]

Mon très-cher frère, votre lettre et celle que vous avez écrite à Voltaire, mon cher frère, m'ont presque donné la mort. Quelles funestes résolutions, grand Dieu! Ah! mon cher frère, vous dites que vous m'aimez, et vous me plongez le poignard dans le cœur. [...]. Votre sort décidera du mien; je ne survivrai ni à vos infortunes, ni à celles de ma maison. Vous pouvez compter que c'est ma ferme résolution.

My dearest brother, your letter and that which you wrote to Voltaire, my dear brother, have almost made me dead. What fatal resolutions, great God! Ah! my dear brother, you say that you love me, and you plunge a dagger into my heart. [...] Your fate will decide my own; I will survive neither your misfortunes, nor those of my house. You can count on this being my firm resolution.

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Voltaire à Frédéric. Octobre 1757.

[...]; je vous ai appartenu, mon cœur vous appartiendra toujours.

[...]; I belonged to you, my heart will always belong to you.

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Voltaire à Frédéric. Octobre 1757.

Vous voulez mourir ; je ne vous parle pas ici de l’horreur douloureuse que ce dessein m’inspire.[...] Écoutez contre ces sentiments votre raison supérieure ; elle vous dit que vous n’êtes point humilié, et que vous ne pouvez l’être ; elle vous dit qu’étant homme comme un autre, il vous restera (quelque chose qui arrive) tout ce qui peut rendre les autres hommes heureux : biens, dignités, amis.

[...] Je suis bientôt dans ma soixante et cinquième année, je suis né infirme ; je n’ai qu’un moment à vivre ; j’ai été bien malheureux, vous le savez ; mais je mourrais heureux, si je vous laissais sur la terre mettant en pratique ce que vous avez si souvent écrit.

You want to die; I do not speak to you here of the painful horror this plan inspires in me. [...] Listen to your superior reason against these sentiments; it [would] tell you that you are not at all humiliated, that you cannot be; it would tell you that being a man, like any other, there would remain for you (whatever happens) all those things which can make other men happy: possessions, dignities, friends.

[...] soon I will be in my sixty-fifth year, I was born to be sick; I only have a moment [more] to live; I have been very unhappy, you know that; but I would die happy, if I left you on earth putting what you had so often written into practice.

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Frédéric à la margrave de Baireuth, Buttelstedt, 8 octobre 1757

J'ai ri des exhortations du patriarche Voltaire; je prends la liberté de vous envoyer ma réponse. Quant au stoïcisme, je crois en avoir plus que lui, et quant à la façon de penser, il pense en poëte, et moi comme cela me convient dans le poste où le hasard de la naissance m'a placé.

I laughed at the exhortations of Voltaire the patriarch; I take the liberty to send you my response. As for stoicism, I believe myself to have more than he does, and as for the way of thinking, he thinks in poet, and I think as suited to the post which the accident of birth placed me in.

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Frédéric à Voltaire, (Buttstedt) 9 octobre 1757.

Croyez que si j'étais Voltaire, Et particulier comme lui, Me contentant du nécessaire, Je verrais voltiger la fortune légère, Et m'en moquerais aujourd'hui. [...]

Believe me, if I was Voltaire, /and private person like him, /content with necessities, /I would see frivolous fortune flutter, /and make fun of it right at this moment.

[you send him an epistle, and say he thinks like a poet. fair enough]

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La Margrave de Baireuth à Voltaire. Le 16 Octobre.

Accablée par les maux de l’esprit et du corps, je ne puis vous écrire qu’une petite lettre. Vous en trouverez une ci-jointe qui vous récompensera au centuple de ma brièveté. Notre situation est toujours la même : un tombeau fait notre point de vue. Quoique tout semble perdu, il nous reste des choses qu’on ne pourra nous enlever : c’est la fermeté et les sentiments du cœur.

Overwhelmed by the ills of mind and body, I can only write you a little letter. You will find one enclosed [Frederick's letter from Oct 9th] which will reward you a hundred times more than my brevity. Our situation is always the same: a tomb makes our destination. Although all seems lost, there still remains for us things which cannot be taken away: firmness and sentiments of the heart.

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[Frederick won the Battle of Rossbach on November 5]

Voltaire à M. le comte d'Argental. Au Délices, 19 novembre.

[...] Luc n’avait pas vingt-cinq mille hommes, encore étaient-ils harassés de marches et de contre-marches. Il se croyait perdu sans ressource, il y a un mois ; et si bien, si complètement perdu, qu’il me l’avait écrit ; et c’est dans ces circonstances qu’il détruit une armée de cinquante mille hommes. Quelle honte pour notre nation !

Luc had no more than twenty-five thousand men, also they were exhausted by marches and counter-marches. He believed himself to be lost without resources a month ago; and so wholly, so completely lost, as he wrote to me; and it's under these circumstances that he destroyed an army of fifty thousand men. What shame for our nation!

[Luc: cul: ass. i.e. Frederick.]

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Voltaire à M. le comte d'Argental. 2 décembre.

Serait-il possible qu’on eût imaginé que je m’intéresse au roi de Prusse ? J’en suis pardieu bien loin. Il n’y a mortel au monde qui fasse plus de vœux pour le succès des mesures présentes. J’ai goûté la vengeance de consoler un roi qui m’avait maltraité ; il n’a tenu qu’à M. de Soubise que je le consolasse davantage.

Is it possible that people imagined I am interested in the king of Prussia? Good lord, I am very far from that. There is no mortal in the world who wishes more for success for the present situations [of France]. I tasted vengeance by consoling a king who had mistreated me; it only depends on M. de Soubise that I console him more.

[if we make him cry more i get to hug him more. O sweet vengeance!]

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[Frederick won the Battle of Leuthen on December 5]

Voltaire à M. le comte d'Argental. Lausanne, 20 décembre, au soir.

Quand les Prussiens tuent tant de monde, il faut bien aussi que je vous assassine de lettres, mon cher ange. Il est difficile que vous ayez su plus tôt que nous autres Suisses la nouvelle victoire du roi de Prusse, près de Neumarck en Silésie. Ce diable de Salomon est un terrible Philistin. La renommée le dit déjà dans Breslau ; mais il ne faut pas croire toujours la renommée.

When the Prussians are killing so many people, I must also assassinate you with letters, my dear angel. It is difficult for you to know sooner than us Swiss, about the new victory of the king of Prussia, near Neumarck in Silesia. This devil of a Solomon is a terrible Philistine. Legend says he is already in Breslau; but legend must not always be believed.

[in the 18th century philistine is perhaps used to say someone is merciless & bloodthirsty.]

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I had chosen not to include a sub-plot in which Voltaire tried to connect Marechal de Richelieu with Frederick to negotiate peace between France and Prussia - which was fruitless.

#long post #fritztaire #Wilhelmine of prussia #w威廉明娜真的倒霉要给这两个人当中介 #and she was visibly distressed #which must've struck a hard blow on her health #:(

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kanmom51 · 4 years ago

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one of prev anon told jk is textbook bi , ys ofcourse it can be . but for me he exibited closeted gay behaviours especially from 2013 - 16, for me i personly think he wasnt sure of his sexuality in those times / knew dont wanted to accept / maybe some internalised homophobia , it happens especially if u r from a very conservative country like mine . here in asia , i dont know about korea , but in my country irl it is considered as some personality disorder or immoral way of sex n in our movies its considered as a joke just to laugh upon,even dragging gay people without thinking how we feel , i can quite confidently say in my country most people are homophobes, heterorelations r considered norm,real pure n valid . so NO one wants to accept they r gay atleast in their beginings n most stay in closet n will only be coming out or be in a gay long term relationship when they finally defeat their internal homophobia n fear of society. here all most all of bisexuals wont even come out , even to very close freinds or be in same sex relationships coz why they need to risk their life in name of love when they can be in a "normal " relations infront society. i can see this behaviour from jk in those early yrs ,when i really looked through his actions , coz i relate damn too much , ive been there. the first time when i saw km i knew jk is in LOVE with jm then saw their history , then i went back again to specifically note jk n his growth through yrs n saw many of his 2015 were closeted baby gay behaviours , as how i see it. i think atleast some of queer people who have been closeted n confused in early yrs could relate to him. i , personally couldnt see much of this struggle , as in sexuality , from jm. whatever he was , maybe he knew for himself, not confused but dont want other to know???but we can see him struggling in finding a way to present himself. his own way of masculinity. i feel very painful while watching jm from 2013,14 period,as he himself said he was trying too hard. to conclude i think we relate to km in diff ways the way one relate to them is very diff from other. so some may find their behaviours as gay/bi/pan or straight. what are they we dont know. but as someone who has been in closet confused as hell n afraid i relate to jk sooo much. even if he is not in relationship with jm i personlly dont think he is straight. KM was really a surprise factor happened while stanning BTS . i became ARMY in may 2020 n noted the things going b/w KM in june , looked in to them , saw many things i experienced through their growing up journey .(i havent been in relationship but now i can confidently say im comfortable in my sexuality n more confident after being an ARMY , the comfort BTS providing can be really felt by the people who go through wt they r saying in their songs, KM has also been one of the major factor in this ) And as of now both of my speculations of km being gay n in relationship has not been contradicted i continue to believe it. even if they r not , i support them as im here for our 7 boys first n their music.

Wow anon, thank you for sharing your story and personal pov.

I can’t imagine the struggles and hardships you went through that brought you to this day.

I see JK & JM through my eyes, with my gut feeling guiding me, and that is based on my look on life with my life experience. I have only seen others go through these struggles, you have lived it and are living it on a daily basis.

So, thank you for giving us your take on JK, his behaviour, the way you see how he was struggling, just as you were.

Don’t let anyone tell you you are less than perfect the way you are. Be you and be proud of being you.

You are amazing. You are brave.

I wish you, now that you have come to terms with your real self, that you find all the happiness in the world, because you deserve it.

#Anon #Ask #Jungkook #Jikook #JK #You are brave #You are amazing #You deserve to be happy

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miruko-will-fight-god · 5 years ago

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Class 1A x Immortal reader

Warnings: death, Reader death (But revival), talks of pain

Reader info:

Quirk: Complete Restoration (This quirk allows the reader to completely heal from any injury, even allowing them to regrow organs and limbs)

A/N: I swear this isn’t angst, tbh I dont even know what to call this since it isnt fluff, crack, or angst enjoy anyway tho (Also Mineta is replaced with Shinso but that shouldn’t really be a problem lol)

You walked into the room of class 2-A greeted by the faces of your new classmates and Eraser Head, who you had met a few days prior, was lying on the floor wrapped up in his blindingly yellow sleeping bag. You walked through the door, the exhausted teacher sluggishly sitting up. “Alright, introduce yourself quickly, we have things to do afterwards” he grumbles before slouching back down.

You stepped beside the podium, reciting your rehearsed introduction from memory “Hello, I’m [Y/N] [L/N], I’m a new transfer from [Country]. I look forward to getting to know you all!” You finished, looking over towards Aizawa who was now standing, only half covered in his sleeping bag. “Alright,” he said, “now that that's over with, everyone get suited up and meet me at ground gamma.”

You followed the rest of the class towards the lockers to change into your costumes Your costume was simple, it consisted of a simple black full bodysuit that had two large pockets running down the outer sides of your legs containing rope for restraining, and some combat boots. Since your quirk didn’t give you any offensive properties, your weapon of choice was a scythe, which was quite noticeable as you paraded out of the locker room with it.

You, Ahisdo, Shinso and Midoriya were the first ones out of the locker rooms. You stood in awe of the massive industrial training grounds, as Ashido and Midoriya tried to convince you to tell them what your quirk is and Shinso looked like he was planning. As the rest of the class gathered up, you were greeted by your grumpy homeroom teacher and the frail form of all might. When all of you had arrived, All might began to brief you all on the exercise. “Today the battle will be a free for all, The border will be marked by a large red line that will shrink every minute, get pushed out of the border and you’re out, become immobilized, you’re out. Someone will win when they’re the last person standing within the border. We’ll give a 45 second grace period, for you all to get into a position, just make sure that you stay within the border.” He finished explaining. “Does everyone got it?” he asked, eliciting varying ‘yeses’ from you and your classmates. Before the class was told to begin Aizawa added something on. “One more thing, [L/N] and Shinso” your features became riddled with confusion. “As you most likely guessed this test will be an evaluation of you skills. And if I feel like your lacking what it takes to remain in this class, I will expel you.” You jumped at the notion of expelling while Shinso only narrowed his eyes, you knew that Eraserhead has expelled entire classes of students before, you were no exception to this.

You calmed your nerves just as the pair gave the signal for the grace period to start. All of you ran in, some moving faster than others due to their quirks. An overly loud horn blew throughout the arena just as you reached a safe area near the edge of the border.

‘I guess that was the signal’ you thought, starting to come up with a plan

You knew that you had the benefit of them not knowing your quirk, you were told of them and their quirks and you remember seeing them in the sports festival from last year. So your best bet would be sneak attacks and to knock people out of the border since you only had a limited amount of rope, you figured the stronger and more ballsy of your peers would be near the center, so the majority would be around the outskirts like you.

You were taken out of your thoughts by tape narrowly avoiding your face. You towards your right, to find the person of origin perched on top of a pipe. You readied your weapon in front of you, The memory of the sports festival last year coming back to you. The grip you kept on your weapon tightened as you ran towards Sero, dogging and cutting tape as it was shot as you. Once you were close enough to the pipe you jumped up, hitching your scythe into a vertical pipe adjacent to where you were jumping using the momentum to pull yourself up. As your feet landed on the metal with a soft thud, you pulled your weapon out, grasping it with both hands.

Without hesitation you run towards your current opponent, making your way between the two streams of tape he shot at you. Once he was within range of your weapon, turning the blade around so he was hit with the heel of your scythe. You watched as he fell off of the pole landing on his butt. Before he had a chance to get up or even register the slight pain in his tailbone, the large red line marking the perimeter began to move inward, leaving him outside the line. You slightly felt bad but remembered that there was still a challenge going on. However you knew you were definitely going to be apologizing.

Your next destination was closer to the center of the arena. While it was still fairly early in the game, you had no doubt that quite a few people were out. After a while navigating, only accompanied by the sound of your footsteps and the sound of fights off in the distance. Before you knew it you reached what you assumed was the center. Primarily due to the fact that the area seemed more cleared out compared to other places in the structure. The area seemed almost under ground due to the lack of pipes at the bottom but random pipes acting similar to a roof only letting stray beams of light worming their way to the ground. Within the large cleared out area three people stood the arena. Three who you recognized from their files Izuku Midoriya, Katsuki Bakugou, and Hitoshi Shinso.

You remembered them specifically since one only transferred to the hero course this year, and the other two were fairly powerful. From where you stood you noticed a few other people, their either eyes trained on the scene in front of them waiting for an opportune moment to take one of them out or fighting someone else. The boys were currently engaged in a three-way battle trying their best to keep each other at bay while also trying to keep each other down.

The boy in the green seemed to have a slight advantage since he seemed more skilled in close ranged hand-to-hand combat than the others. The blonde was stuck primarily on defense and the purple haired boy seemed to have a decent balance between defense and offense. You remembered Aizawa’s words, the threat of expulsion still slightly terrifying you. You took a deep breath and formulated a plan.

As the battle continued you scaled your way up the pipes avoiding the other spectators. You eventually made you way to the end of a pipe that led directly over the battle- well as direct as you could be considering how much they moved around. You did your best to stay as quiet as possible as your made your way across the pipe until something caught your eye. Quite a bit ahead of you, the pipe got unstable due to it missing quite a few screws. It was unstable enough that probably if you applied enough pressure the pipe would collapse causing a domino effect to the few pipes below it. You knew if you spent anymore time thinking it over you would psych yourself out of it.

You got a running start and jumped onto the pip fell with it was everything collapsed. The trio below you saw and each to appropriate actions to save themselves. Bakugou jumping back using the force of explosions to power himself back. Shinso using his capture weapon to move larger pieces of debris out of his way. Deku jumping off of the falling rubble to make sure none of it fell on himself.

That portion of the Arena was covered in a layer of dust causing everyone to cough. As the dust started to settle, letting everyone open their eyes and get fresh breaths of air into their lungs, that's when they noticed it. You were dead…? You laid on top of the rubble, only small pieces laying on top of you. There was quite a noticeable head wound, and a hole in your stomach. Almost like a piece of metal had passed clean through you.

No one dared to move, the sight of a dead body causing some of them gag, trying to keep the bile in their stomachs. No one’s eyes dared to stay fixated on anything your body, like if they looked away you would really be dead. The most stoic of your classmates were unable to keep their unwavering facades together. Everyone's thoughts were interrupted by a sudden yelling from the pile of wreckage “THAT HURT LIKE A BITCH!” You yelled, sitting up unaware of the state of your classmates. Tears started to flow as some of them finally gained the courage to run up to you bombarding you with questions.

You chuckled at the familiar questions of “what?” “how?” “weren’t you dead?” Aizawa looked through the screen, a shock that was unknown to his colleague riddled his mind. He knew what your quirk was, but he didn’t know it was to that extent. He had seen healing quirks at work before, but he had never seen someone just come back to life like that. Aizawa ended the training session early giving you his logical ruse spiel while also reprimanding you for being that reckless.

Soon enough lunch rolled around, and you sat with a large group of one 1-A students ending up next to the green haired boy from earlier. As soon as you sat down you were bombarded with questions before you chuckled. “I can’t answer all your questions at once, one at a time please.” Midoriya asked his questions first which were basically all the practical ones.

“What is your quirk?”

“It’s called complete restoration, I’m just able to heal any injury on myself, including ones that are fatal.”

“So you’re immortal?”

“Pretty Much.” you answered curtly, continuing to stuff your face.

“Do you feel pain?” a red head asked sheepishly. “Not in the slightest! But I can tell when I get hurt, it’s like some sort of sixth sense. And “dying” is practically just waking up from that weird falling feeling ” You shrugged. “But it makes it really fun to jump off of buildings and stuff!” you finished giggling. Your classmates looked at you with a mix of awe and disbelief, continuing to ask questions throughout the lunch period.

#Bnha #Mha #mha imagines #bnha imagines #Class 1a #class 1-a x reader #bnha x reader #reader insert #Katsuki Bakugou #Izuku Midoriya #Hitoshi Shinso #eijiro kirishima #Mina Ashido #Shouta Aizawa #Toshinori Yagi #Possible Part 2 I just wouldnt know what to do with it #I rlly like the potential for this quirk #I only added a scythe cuz before I wrote this I had just rewatched soul eater for the 5th time #tw: death

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hereonlyformemes · 4 years ago

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Blue Period IS GETTING AN ANIME ADAPTATION!!!!!!!

WAS I SUPPOSED TO FIND THIS OUT BY MYSELF WHILE ACCIDENTALLY SEEING ITS TRAILER ON YOUTUBE???? WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME????

If you dont know what this is about, here is a brief summary:

Yatora Yaguchi is a high school student with good grades and many friends. He is good with human interaction and can get along with literally anyone since he can just “act out” a personality that the other person would take a liking to. He does all of this effortlessly. He finds his life boring since he doesn’t really like anything he does considering that everything he does is to simply please the people around him and to just fit in somewhere. In short: he lacks passion in life - but then he discovers art Moved by how one can convey his feelings, his thoughts through art, how one cannot hide his true emotions when creating a piece, he decides to major in it. This is a story were we see all the hardships that he faces in order to get in the most difficult art college in Tokyo: starting from his parents to the complexity of art itself when, mind you, he doesn’t even know how to draw. We see not just Yaguchi’s hardships, but also those of other characters, showing the pain of discovering who we are, our purpose in life as well what our goals should be.

LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL POSTER!!!!!!! THE ANIME IS COMING OUT THIS YEAR IN OCTOBER!!!!

youtube

The VA for my boy Yaguchi is Hiromu Mineta. Apparently he is a new VA since he, according to MAL, has only voiced 5 character, Yaguchi included, so far. Ngl while I was reading the manga I always imagined Yaguchi’s voice as rather deep. Just to clarify: I have no problem with his voice as it is, I actually think that it fits him well since Yaguchi is in reality just this insecure boy that has to go of his comfort zone and learns about himself and his passion: art. It’s just that I always imagined him having just a bit of a deeper voice than this.

The animation studio is Seven Arcs, their most popular works are: Tonikaku Kawaii: Fly me to the Moon and Arte (also an anime about art lol).

I really cant wait to see how this will turn out!!!

#anime #manga #blue period #yatora yaguchi #yaguchi yatora #ryuji ayukawa

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izzielizzie · 4 years ago

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I just wondering if you could do a headcanon based on Champagne Problems by Taylor Swift, cuz im sorta in love with that song but i dont mind who. Thx so much, u dont have to tho ❤

Yes! Champagne Problems is my absolute favorite song on the album along with Tis The Damn Season so I’m very excited! This is a Keely/Luis fic, which I've never done so I’m confused too don’t worry, but it does make sense I assure you. Also, there are ticket men and balls so um,,, have fun deciding what time period this is in because I don’t know. Enjoy!! Also there are notes at the end.

You booked the night train for a reason So you could sit there in this hurt

”Are you sure you want the three am train?” the ticket man asked. No, Luis was not sure and he had half a mind to go back to Keely’s house as fast as he could, but he didn’t have that choice anymore.

”Yes, thank you.” Luis and the man exchanged money and tickets.

”Well, have a good night then,” the man said.

”Doubtful,” Luis muttered as he sat on a bench to wait for the train.

Bustling crowds or silent sleepers You're not sure which is worse

Luis ran his hand over the ring box in his pocket as he waited in the silence. It was strange, to be able to hear his own thoughts when an hour ago he was surrounded by so many people he could hardly hear Keely’s voice.

Because I dropped your hand while dancing

His hand still tingled, where hers used to be. He could still feel the way her fingers slid along his palms for the last time as she spun away from him.

Left you out there standing Crestfallen on the landing

Luis could still feel the snow on his coat and on the knee of his best pants. He could feel the biting cold on his cheeks as he watched her blubber apologies he couldn’t hear.

Champagne problems

He leaned against the railing of the balcony as he watched her drown cup after cup of the champagne he knew her family always bought.

Your mom's ring in your pocket

The box he had warmed in his palms and opened to the cold felt heavy in his hands. The ring he had seen glint on his mother’s finger every day until it was too heavy for her to bear was too painful to look at. He wanted to see it glint again, but the snow was in the way.

My picture in your wallet

Luis pulled out his wallet to see how much money he had, and if there was enough for the train when he saw the picture he always looked at: Keely, his mother, and himself laughing at his high school graduation. It was the last time his mother left the house.

Your heart was glass, I dropped it Champagne problems

Luis felt his heart shatter as Keely smashed the top of the next bottle in the hall downstairs.

You told your family for a reason You couldn't keep it in

Luis’s brothers made a beeline for him when he slowly walked down the stairs, his money where Keely’s hand should have been.

”Did she say yes?” Manny asked.

Luis didn’t answer. The look on his face was answer enough.

Your sister splashed out on the bottle Now no one's celebrating

Luis’s sister-in-law came towards them with a glass of wine in her hand.

“Did she say yes?”

Manny shook his head at his wife.

She dropped her glass, the red wine splashing onto her dress.

Dom Perignon, you brought it No crowd of friends applauded

Cooper handed Luis the bottle of wine Luis had brought earlier that afternoon when he entered the kitchen.

“Are we celebrating?” Nate asked.

Luis shook his head.

Your hometown skeptics called it Champagne problems

Vanessa Merriman, Luis’s friend from childhood laughed a short humorless laugh as she pulled herself up onto the counter, her ball gown fluffed to one side.

”It’d call it too much wine if you asked me.”

”I’m sorry Luis,” Bronwyn added, pressing a gloved hand against his arm. He shook it off.

You had a speech, you're speechless

He had a speech planned. He had wanted to thank his friends for supporting him. For reminding him how much his relationship with Keely had helped him grow as a person.

Love slipped beyond your reaches

“I loved her,” was all he could say. Olivia, Vanessa, and Bronwyn pulled him into a hug, their arms around him as his shoulders shook and the bottle slipped out of his hands, staining his shoes and the hems of their dresses.

And I couldn't give a reason

”Did she tell you why?” Kris asked.

Luis shook his head.

Champagne problems

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Vanessa miming drinking to Kris, who nodded with pursed lips.

Your Midas touch on the Chevy door

Luis could see her new car through the window of the kitchen. He could see the handle he pulled on to open the door for her whenever they went for drives. It was the only thing not covered in snow.

November flush and your flannel cure

Keely had been shivering the first time they exited that car five weeks ago. They were going to their old dorm for the last time with their friends to visit his younger brother. Without a second thought, he pulled off his flannel jacket and wrapped it around Keely’s arms.

He didn’t have to think about much in their relationship.

"This dorm was once a madhouse"

Luis could still remember the day Vanessa dared them to a game of soccer in the halls when they all woke up with major hangovers. “What a mad house,” he had commented as everyone laughed.

I made a joke "well, it's made for me" how

The joke was a small one that they had all found amusing and then forgot about, until now.

“She really was mad huh?” Olivia asked.

“I guess.”

Evergreen, our group of friends

“She’s messed up everything,” Vanessa added.

Don't think we'll say that word again

“We won’t be us without Keely,” Bronwyn agreed as she wrapped her arms around Nate, who was leaning against the stove.

Luis didn’t question how they all agreed to drop Keely from their group. It seemed natural.

And soon they'll have the nerve to deck the halls That we once walked through

“Oh, sorry.” Everyone turned to look at Keely in her black dress and gloves.

“What do you want?” Olivia asked.

Keely’s eyes darkened. “This is my house. And I’m getting the Christmas decorations.”

They watched as Keely walked through the kitchen to the door that concealed the basement steps. Decorations felt odd for a time like this.

One for the money, two for the show I never was ready, so I watch you go

Luis stood and watched as she disappeared down the steps.

Sometimes you just don't know the answer Till someone's on their knees and asks you

“God, she wasted an eight year relationship,” Vanessa said, shaking her head.

Eight years. Luis didn’t know how badly he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her until she refused to.

"She would've made such a lovely bride What a shame she's fucked in the head", they said

His friends’ words were still in his head as he sat in the train station.

“She’s fucked up Luis, it’s not your fault.”

“There’s nothing you can do when someone like that makes up their mind.”

But you'll find the real thing instead

“Hello. May I sit with you?” Luis looked up to see a girl with a beautiful white gown and a green coat and cap standing in front of him. He could see her shining amber eyes, even though it was dark in the station.

“Do I know you?” Luis asked.

The girl smiled and nodded. “I left the same party as you. Keely’s? I’m Bronwyn’s younger sister.”

Luis knew he recognized the voice. “Maeve?”

“Yes.”

“Why are you here?”

“I needed to go home, and Bronwyn wasn’t ready yet. I’m not fond of Christmas parties.”

“Neither am I,” Luis said. Maeve laughed and fiddled with the skirt of her dress. It really was the prettiest dress Luis had ever seen.

“May I sit?”

“Of course.”

She'll patch up your tapestry that I shred

They sat and laughed for hours as they waited for the train, and Luis walked her home in the snow. Her shoes were soaked through so he carried her the last few blocks, and he fell in love as she laughed, her eyes shining.

And hold your hand while dancing

A year later, she wore the same gown as she had at the train station as they danced in her ballroom with the rest of their friends. After a while they found their way to her balcony overlooking her yard.

Never leave you standing Crestfallen on the landing With champagne problems

“Want a drink?”

“No thank you, Luis.”

“I’ll be right back.”

“No, I’ll come with.”

Your mom's ring in your pocket

He never got the wine though, because once they were in the middle of the ballroom, he was kneeling in front of her with his mother’s ring on her finger.

Her picture in your wallet

It might have been Vanessa who took the picture. Or maybe Cooper. They were never sure, but one copy was in his wallet and one was in her locket with their children until the day they died.

And you won't remember all my Champagne problems

They were toasted with glasses of champagne, and for the first time he wasn’t hurt by the sight. Tonight was a night for celebration. Not for heartache.

You won't remember all my Champagne problems

“I’m glad you didn’t marry Keely Luis my dear,” his mother told him at the wedding, the first time she was able to leave the house.

“Who?” Luis answered.

Notes:

It’s snowing idk why

They’re at Keely’s vacation house which is why Luis had to take a train back home

I hinted at it but Luis’s mom was sick when this happened, and better at the wedding

Also this was a mildly petty fic my goodness.

Also this happened in about eight different time frames/locations that I’ve woven into one fic: There’s Luis and Maeve at the train station, Keely and Luis at her house on the balcony overlooking the dancers, Luis talking to his brothers and sister in law, Luis and his friends at their dorm, Luis in the kitchen, Maeve and Luis on her balcony overlooking the yard, Maeve, Luis and friends in Maeve’s ballroom in her parents’ house, and then their wedding at the very end.

That wasn’t any clearer sorry

I hope you enjoyed!!!

#maeve x luis #izzielizzie's fics

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