#to be loved is to be charged or some shit OTL | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

emeraldtawny · 4 years ago

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Satan x Fem!MC: A Foreign Heat

...I started this like 4 months ago and have only now just finished it oTL I hope you enjoy this 10k slow burn, friends-to-lovers style fic because wow this boi deserves soft love ;;w;;

This is also up on AO3 right here if you wished to leave kudos or the like uwu

Anyways, hope you enjoy~ :3

Rage is not a foreign concept to Satan; if it was, it would leave his title as the Avatar of Wrath quite redundant. That heat that flares up inside of him, that suffocating, clawing anger that makes his teeth clench and his blood boil, is such a familiar sensation to him that it feels wrong when that flame dwindles. Suffice it to say, being consumed by the flames of rage is what Satan is used to. It’s what he knows.

So when that flame wavers, he’s almost at a loss.

He remembers his first impression of her. She was, well, nothing special. Maybe an occasional aid to his boredom if she was near. He didn’t spare her any more of his thoughts than necessary, because he didn’t deem her worthy enough of his attention. He scowls at himself whenever he remembers that thought process, that mightier-than-thou mentality reminding him of a certain demon that shall not be named.

He’s glad that he thinks differently now. He’s glad that he gave this human girl a chance to prove herself. Because now, he thinks that he quite enjoys her company.

… Yes, he quite likes it.

“Satan?”

He’s pulled from his reverie of the past and back into the present, the very focus of his thoughts sitting beside him. Her head tilted quizzically and her eyes trained on him, she waits patiently for him to respond. When he focuses his attention on her, she sighs out her query.

“I’m having a bit of trouble with this passage. I don’t understand what it’s asking of me.”

He feels the corner of his lips quirk up at the perplexion on her face, seemingly enjoying her mild distress for the upcoming exam on Applied Magic. He sets his own book down and leans closer to read over her shoulder.

“Ah, Incantations and Curses. I can’t say I’m surprised this is tripping you up.”

She taps the side of her pen against her textbook, her lips pressing together and out into a pout. He has to school his features to keep himself from grinning at her endearing display of dismay, his eyes pretending to scan over the book while his peripherals work to keep her in his sights.

“This isn’t a normal thing to learn in the Human World, yet they teach it to us like it’s common knowledge.” She sees his lips begin to move to rebut her, but she beats him to the mark, “I know it’s common knowledge here in the Devildom, but that just makes it so unfair for those unfamiliar with magic.”

A huffed laugh escapes Satan’s nose as a puff of air. “Unfortunately for you, ‘those unfamiliar with magic’ constitutes only humans. Are you that determined to learn?”

He meets her undivided gaze, completely forgetting of their close proximity and is only viciously reminded of the fact by how clearly he sees himself reflected in her eyes. He catches the subtle widening of his eyes in his reflection, but nothing more. Sitting before a demon, this human simply smiles.

“I am if you’re the one teaching me.”

He blinks, forgetting his prized vocabulary for a moment as he loses himself in her earnest gaze. If he didn’t know any better, he would believe she was mocking him with her kindness. But he knew of her genuineness and he knew not to dismiss it so quickly. He leans back in his seat, clearing his throat simultaneously to fill the silence and to restart his brain.

“I guess we can arrange a study session if you think it will help.”

Her smile directed at him grows, her eyes lighting up and, for just a moment, Satan swears that the warmth coursing through his body feels... different. His attempt to follow that train of thought is cut off by her D.D.D. buzzing once, twice, thrice, to tell her she has a text.

She hesitates, casting a look his way to gain permission. He sighs in response.

“Mammon?”

She checks her phone quickly. “Levi. New expansion in Mononoke Land.”

He doesn’t seem to realise that he’s smiling as he says, “I suppose we’ve done enough studying for one day.”

She instantly relaxes, “Thanks. I’ll message you later about that pre-test study session.”

“I look forward to it.”

Grinning at his words, she begins to pack away her things. All the while, Satan finds himself unable to look away from her, a slight frown marring his lips.

The questions swimming through his mind irk him; why does her smile make him lose his words so successfully? And, more curiously, why does he want her to smile if that’s the effect it has on him? He found it bizarre.

The quick tap of a pen against the desk brings him back once again and he blinks up at her face, thankfully with a little more distance between them to keep his thoughts grounded.

“What?”

“Are you alright? You seem a bit spaced out.”

This troublesome human, only vigilant when she shouldn’t be, Satan thinks to himself dryly.

He smiles his usual smile, about as real as Mammon’s financial independence. “Same as always. Tired from reading, most likely.” he lies effortlessly.

“If you’re sure…” She hesitates before gracing him with a shy smile, one he can’t quite pinpoint the message beneath, “I’ll see you later, then.”

With a tiny wave, she readjusts the bag on her shoulder, lifts her phone to her ear and heads off, and Satan can’t help rolling his eyes sympathetically at her unhurried “okay, okay” as she no doubt addresses Levi through her phone.

Alone and without distraction, his thoughts should return to him again, unbidden. And they do, but only of her.

His fingernail connects with the wood of the desk as he taps his finger against it, his eyebrows pinched together and his lips opening to release a sigh into the air around him.

Even the book beneath him cannot distract him from the prospect of when he’ll next see her.

Days went by and things remained the same. It was exam period at the Academy, so Satan concludes that must be what has him so on edge… despite all previous years going smoothly and without incident. And also being aware that these feelings started shortly after she had arrived.

He shakes his head at the thought.

No, that IS the reason why I can’t focus as well as usual. Nothing more, nothing less, nothing else.

He was certain that if he was an outsider looking in on his situation, he would be snickering at himself, baffled at how desperate he is to ignore the elephant in the room. He lets a silent sigh exhale through his nostrils - his fifth one of the evening - and returns to flipping through his latest novella, his dinner going untouched. He hardly flinches at the doors of the dining room bursting open and the loud voices accompanying it; sounds he has long since learned to block out.

“Whad’ya just say to me, huh?! Say it again, I dare ya!”

“I’ll say it however many times I have to to get the message through your thick skull: absolutely NOT!”

“C’moooon! It’s quick and easy cash! You’ll be rollin’ in dough faster than you can say ‘Wow, Mammon! I knew you were right!’. It’ll be too good to be true!”

“Usually when things are too good to be true, it’s because they are.” Satan pipes up, not even bothering to glance at another one of his brothers’ infinite arguments.

“Thank you, Satan. Finally, a voice of REASON in this room!” Asmodeus sighs, the sound both forlorn and dramatic. “I swear, such gorgeous bronze skin loses its charm when the person who wears it has about as many brain cells as my pinky finger.”

“Gr...Yeah, well! … Shut up!!”

The chair scrapes loudly against the floor as it’s forcefully pulled out to seat the exasperated Avatar of Greed, his grumbles unintelligible as he reaches across the table to pile his plate high with food. Another chair is pulled back from the table - much more delicately - as Asmo grabs his own food. After a moment, he hums in thought.

“Where’s ___? I thought she was in charge of cooking dinner tonight.”

“She said that she wanted to study more for the upcoming exams, so she left as soon as she finished cooking.” Satan flips another page of his book as he replies, all of his conscious efforts focused on remaining flippant in his demeanour.

“Awww, our little human is awfully diligent, isn’t she? But that means I don’t get to see her adorable little face over dinner. She’d be much more delicious than this, I’m sure.”

Satan didn’t need to look at his brother to know he was smirking, his eyes likely alight with whatever lustful fantasy he was conjuring up and acting out in his mind.

He’d hardly ever bat an eye at it. But now? Now, a sudden swell of fire pumps through his blood and makes his lips twitch in distaste.

“Not while I’m eating, Asmo!” Mammon somehow manages to muffle out around a mouthful of food, “Show some class, why don’t cha?”

His remark provokes an apathetic blink and an unenthused stare from Asmo. “You are the last person in the universe who is allowed to lecture me on class. Besides, don’t act innocent. I know that you’ve thought about her that way.”

That causes Mammon to swallow mid-chew, sending him into a coughing fit as he desperately beats at his chest to dislodge the choking hazard. He swallows again and gasps for air unnecessarily loud.

“Y-you can’t just say shit like that while I’m swallowing my damn food, y’know!”

“You’re not denying it, hm?” Asmo rests his elbow on the table and cradles his chin in his palm, grinning at his older brother squirming under his gaze.

“Of course n--NAH! I’d never think of a… a HUMAN like that! Nuh-uh! No way!”

Satan feels his fingers tightening around the book in his hands, his eyes practically burning through the page yet not reading a single letter printed onto the paper.

“But, why not? She’s such a beautiful young woman. Any man, or demon, would have to be blind or completely ignorant to not see what a sexy little thing she is~”

Words no longer process in Satan’s mind, the only sound in his head a high-pitched scream from a kettle way past its boiling point. He barely registers how tightly he exudes pressure on the book he holds, nor does he notice how he’s one lip twitch away from snarling in carnal rage.

What he does register, however, is the distinct sound of paper ripping. As do his brothers.

He crashes abruptly back into reality, the sight of Mammon’s and Asmo’s astonished faces greeting him. Dazed confusion turns into speechlessness when he turns his eyes down to where they’re looking. His novella, previously in peak condition, now sits split neatly in two, the spine of the book ripped perfectly down the middle and each half held tightly in Satan’s hands.

No one says a word, each demon brother parroting the other with their wide-eyed stares and inability to speak. Until the doors swing open to shatter the silence.

“Man, I’m hungry…”

Oblivious to what he just walked into, Beel walks up and grabs the entire plate in the centre of the table, bringing it in front of him as he takes his seat. Satan rises to his feet just as Beel gets off of his.

“I’m going to bed.”

“Hm? Alright. Are you going to eat your plate?”

He leaves without answering, his footsteps quick yet levelled as he flees the scene, the evidence of his lost control still held tightly in both hands.

Two demons speechless, one demon oblivious, and the other acutely aware that he can’t ignore this any longer.

___: Satan?

___: Satan, please answer me

___: ...Just a sticker or something

___: Anything?

He reads each bubble popping up on his lock screen, but makes no attempt to reply. Leaning back against one of the multiple bookshelves in his bedroom, Satan has long since given up on the mystery novel in front of him, his phone now sitting between the pages as his new reading material.

The device vibrates again and another message comes through.

___: If you’re busy, I understand. But can you let me know if we’re still okay to study together?

That’s right, he muses to himself, she wanted my help.

With a heavy inward sigh, he sits up straighter and grabs his phone, swiping it open and tapping through to send a reply.

Satan: Busy. Ask the others.

As much as I want to, I don’t think I should see you right now.

Instant regret plagues him as soon as he hits send, his stomach shrinking and dropping like a stone in water, sending ripples of guilt and unease through him. He drops his phone carelessly to the side and glares up at the light fixing like it will somehow burn away these alien feelings within him.

Yet through the guilt of letting her down, he’s angry. Angry at himself for letting this happen, for not seeing this coming until it was too late.

A powerless, frail little human did this to him? The devil on Satan’s shoulder laughs at his pitiful state; oh, the irony.

“What a mess…” He sighs out into the empty room, the literature his only audience. He looks down at his D.D.D., its screen black and lifeless and he curses himself for holding out hope that she’d even reply to him.

So when the screen lights up and dances along to its ringtone, her name dead centre, he almost smacks his head back against the bookshelf with how quickly he straightens up. He grabs his phone and stares at the screen, his mind running so fast that the vibrations from his phone feel numb in his hand.

I shouldn’t answer… I really shouldn’t.

Her expression from their last study session materialises in his mind’s eye, that sweet, shy smile he hopes that she only shows to him. He clenches his phone tight in his palm and, with a frustrated inhale and an equally frustrated exhale, he accepts the call.

“... H-hello.”

Damn his voice for faltering.

“No.”

He blinks at the assertive punch behind that single syllable.

“Um, what?”

“No, I won’t ask the others. Because right now, I’m more worried about a certain demon that has apparently shut himself in his room without explanation.”

Satan sighs in quiet annoyance and judging by the soft sigh from her end, he didn’t mask it well enough. “I’m just studying. It’s nothing for you to be concerned over.”

“I’ll be the judge of that. And I judge that you are very obviously lying.”

He props his knee up and lets his free arm rest on it whilst the hand that holds his phone taps its index finger against the device, waiting for her to elaborate.

“Exhibit A: You’ve been acting weird lately. And it’s not because exams are coming up.”

“Your proof?” he counters.

“I asked your brothers about your behavioural patterns around stressful school-related events, which would include exam and test periods. Every single one said that you don’t act how you’re acting right now. And if six of your brothers isn’t enough proof, I got similar responses from the likes of Barbatos and Diavolo.”

The assurance behind her words gives him pause, himself not expecting to be caught so cleanly in his lie.

“Exhibit B:” she continues, “What’s this about you ripping a book in half at dinner?”

His eyebrow twitches, as do the fingers around his phone.

“Who told you?” He doesn’t mean to come across as hostile as he does. Thankfully, she brushes it off without taking offence.

“Mammon. He was telling everyone how you ‘lost the plot’.”

“Hehehe.” The grin that accompanies his laugh is anything but jovial, “I’m going to have a LOT of fun hunting him down for that.”

Her sigh wrought with worry pulls Satan back from the brink of his sadism. He pictures what expression she’d be making right this second; her eyebrows likely pulled taut, a slight crinkle above her nose its byproduct. Maybe she’s biting her lip the same way she does when she’s fretting over the simplest of things; the thought that she’d be that concerned for him touched him, though he would seldom admit it so quickly.

“And finally, Exhibit C: … me.”

“Y-you...?” He barely recognises his voice with how unsurely it leaves his lips.

“You really think you can pull the wool over my eyes that easily? I may be a human, but that doesn’t mean I’m blind.”

Satan’s nose scrunches up with his confused frown and he bites back, despite himself. “What makes you so sure that something’s wrong with me? You don’t know what I’m thinking, so don’t pretend like you do.”

“I’m not pretending to know, I’m asking you to tell me. And of course I’d notice when something’s wrong with you. I-”

She stops, her breath hitching slightly as she kills the words she was about to utter. She sighs again, a sigh of exasperation.

“Just let me be worried over someone I care about, okay?”

Silence. Her words play in Satan’s mind again despite him just hearing them, seemingly in disbelief.

The suffocating heat of rage, its smoke clawing at his lungs and its flames boiling his blood, is displaced by a calmer, more mellow warmth, akin to a bath run just a tad too hot; warm enough to lose yourself in the feeling, but hot enough to pool your skin in sweat and linger through your body.

Is she feeling this, too? This heat - a cold respite compared to the heat Satan is used to - that’s somehow both addicting yet stifling. It leaves him unsure of whether to draw near or pull away. The only thing he’s sure of is how fast his heart is beating in his chest.

A laugh. His laugh. Short and punctuated, yet relieving of the weight bearing down on his shoulders in an instant.

“Satan?” she calls out in worry.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to laugh. I just… realised how childish I was being. I’m sorry for speaking to you in that manner. You didn’t deserve any of that.”

“I deserve a little bit of it for prying. I was just worried. But, you seem better already, so I’m glad.”

Her smile translates so purely through her words that it’s only natural for Satan’s lips to curl upward as well.

“You really didn’t give me any room to argue, did you? That was cruel.”

“I learned from the best, and from his mystery novel and crime show recommendations.”

They both chuckle softly at that, both of their hearts aching in relief to be back in their normal routine. After a pause, she speaks again, her concern clear.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You know I’m here to talk to whenever you need, right?”

His smile twitches slightly, the bittersweet irony threatening to ruin the calm around them.

Kinda hard to talk to you about it when you’re the cause of all of this...

“Yeah, I’m fine. But if I’m ever not, I’ll tell you.”

I’ll tell you that you’re why I’m acting like this. But only when I can find the right words.

Until that moment comes, Satan sits contently as he talks with her, the warmth surrounding him ebbing and flowing like the waves of a tide.

“Well? Come on, don’t leave us suspended in, uh… suspense! How’d ya go?”

“Hopefully better than you in a basic understanding of the English language LMAOOO.”

“Says the nerd who speaks in text! Can it, Levi!”

“I’m curious, too.”

“Mmm, mmpf ammff mmmmpff.”

“Beel said he wants to know how you went, too.”

“Well, ___? Don’t keep us all waiting.”

Six of the brothers lean in close, waiting with trepidation for her next words. The one brother yet to speak simply stares expectantly at her, his hand in a fist and pressing his green thumbnail against his lips, his normally indifferent demeanour abnormally showcasing of his own anticipation.

She meets each of their gazes individually before looking to her feet and wringing her hands together. Asmo’s face falls, while both Lucifer and Satan’s expressions harden, expecting the worst. The others simply wait, not willing to believe her signals.

And, sure enough, she raises her head with gusto and breaks out into a triumphant grin.

“Nailed it! Top 10 in every exam!”

What wonderful hype-demons she has, their cheers filling the air and perfectly illustrating her own glee. Asmo places his hand over his heart with a heavy breath, as if it was about to give out.

“You sneaky little-! You can’t toy with us like that, ___. We were all worried about you!”

She sends a grin his way, currently preoccupied with accepting endless high-fives from Mammon and a back hug from Beel, “Guess I couldn’t help myself.”

She yelps and laughs as Beel’s hug lifts her off the ground with a spin, Levi and Belphie pulling her free only to entrap her in a congratulatory hug themselves. Away from the fray, Lucifer hums out a short laugh, his arms crossed in their usual fashion.

“I suppose your little prank can be forgiven for this occasion. You did well, ___.”

Gently pulling herself free from her hug sandwich, she smiles in thanks at Lucifer, but her eyes pull her to look at the demon beside him. His fist still covering his chin, he looks as if he’s still processing the information, responseless to everything else.

She steps closer to him. No response.

Another step. He blinks, his eyes locking on her.

That’s all the indication she needs and she springs forward to close the last bit of distance between them, wrapping her arms around Satan’s waist in a tight hug. She giggles at the shocked little “ah” that leaves his lips unfacilitated, and desperately attempts to hold back another at the way he clears his throat pretending that didn’t just happen. His hands move to her shoulders and, for a moment, she expects him to throw her off. But his arms circle around her back instead, his hands cupping her shoulders as he returns the hug, albeit a little stiffly. She smiles into his chest, thankful for a place to hide her face.

“Thank you, Satan. You’re the reason I did so well.”

He murmurs a response, his words a mixture of perplexion and embarrassment, “I didn’t do anything except some extra tutoring.”

“But so much of what we studied was on the exam, so I’m saying it was because of you. Accept it.” she counters, punctuating her words with a squeeze.

Just before the heat overwhelming Satan breaks to the surface and threatens to consume him--

“OI, SATAN! What’s the big idea, takin’ her all for yourself?!”

She stiffens in realisation at Mammon’s shout and quickly untangles herself from him. Satan picks up on the subtle blush blossoming over her cheeks and the way he feels a sense of loss at the warmth she was giving him. That lost warmth is quickly replaced by the fire he has long since grown accustomed to, the demon striking the match this occasion - and on many MANY occasions - being Mammon.

“If you’ll recall, Mammon, she hugged me. I didn’t ‘steal’ anything if she gave it willingly.”

“Ohhhh no! You DEFINITELY stole her! And no one steals property away from THE Great Mammon! I was her first! So I naturally deserve her first, and longest, hugs!”

“Is that so?”

Mammon gulps at the chilling edge to his younger brother’s voice, only emphasised by the smile on his lips, one of murder disguised as a summer’s day. The casual clothes adorning his body dissolve as he moves towards Mammon, replacing the mellow blues and yellows with black and neon green, the tip of his tail uncoiling from around his leg to direct its pointed tip at Mammon. All the while his smile never wavering.

“Speaking of people deserving things, there was an incident that I never talked about with you. I think now’s the perfect time to go over it.”

“I-I don’t thi-GUWWAAAAAH! Le-le-let go! Don’t mess up my hai-RAAAOWOWOWOWOW!!!!”

The rest watch - some with expressions of “serves you right”, others with exasperation, but none of them surprised - as Satan drags Mammon away by his hair.

“While we wait for that to calm down,” Lucifer interjects amidst Mammon’s wailing, “How about we celebrate your accomplishment?”

“Celebrate?” she blinks curiously.

“We prepared a party for you. Whether you succeeded or not, we were gonna party regardless. We’re glad that it’s going to be a nice party, though.” Belphie smiles.

“Simeon and Luke helped us cook up a lot of food. And I held myself back, just for you.” Beel chimes in.

“Yet you still ate two-thirds of the table...” Asmo sighs out.

“Let’s get this started so it can end faster. I picked up a new game from Akuzon and I’ve got my entire night planned out to the second, as long as this all ends by twenty-two hundred hours.”

Levi maneuvers himself behind her and presses his hands against her back to push her hastily towards the party, the rest following close behind. However, she can’t help but turn her head back to where Satan dragged his brother away, a smile creeping onto her lips as she remembers how he stiffened in her arms and hugged her with more tenderness than anyone can imagine a demon could muster. As the party kicks into high gear, she waits patiently for the one who will truly start the party for her.

…

A room almost completely trashed, enough food to be classified as its own country consumed (mainly by one demon), and the promise of headaches that will persist through all of tomorrow…

“I’d say that party was a rousing success!” Asmo announces, looking oddly pleased from his position sprawled over Levi’s lap, the latter too busy playing on his Ninterrordo Switch to notice.

“It was a success at creating the biggest mess yet.” Lucifer sighs, his headache already beginning, “Mammon, you’ll be cleaning up this entire room.”

“Wha-?! Why just me? Beel almost caused a food avalanche and Satan punched a hole in the wall! They should hafta help me!”

“I ate all of the food that fell off the table. So I’ve already cleaned up.”

“And the hole Satan made was made by YOUR head, so it’s more your fault for being an idiot and blabbing about the book incident.”

Mammon seethes silently at Beel’s and Asmo’s immediate shutdowns to his points. He looks around the room, suddenly confused.

“Speaking of, where is Satan?”

“He’s… currently compromised.” Asmo smirks.

At Mammon’s eyebrow raise, he points his finger to the side and everyone turns to look. Leaning against the wall with his legs crossed, Satan stares down at his phone in an obvious attempt at distraction. But his eyes keep darting to his side, incredibly conscious of the weight of a human head on his shoulder, using him for comfort as she breathes evenly in peaceful sleep.

“WHAT THE F--mmM! MMmmmMMM?!?!?!”

Mammon’s shout is cut off by Belphie’s pillow careening into his face with enough force to smack his head against the floor. He sighs as he smothers his brother’s all-too-enthusiastic shouts.

“She’s asleep. Keep it down.”

“If his shouts won’t wake her up, this putrid smell of normie jealousy will. Stupid Mammon.”

“I can hear everything you’re saying, you know.” Satan’s voice rings out, the annoyance behind his words clear. With a sigh, he pockets his phone and shifts as gently as he can to move her.

“What are you doing, Satan?”

He leaves Lucifer’s question hanging in the air, more preoccupied with slipping his arms around her upper back and under her knees to cradle her against him. After moving to his knees and then to his feet, he turns to face his brothers with her in his arms.

“Taking her to her room. I thought I could wait until she woke up naturally, but if you’re all going to keep making this much noise…”

“You don’t need to glare at us.” Asmo laughs, “She’s obviously tired from all that studying and partying. Just make sure you put her to bed like a good boy~”

Not even humouring him with a response, Satan leaves the room, acutely aware of his smirk following him out.

His footsteps seem to echo as he trudges through the hallway, the portraits ever vigilant and watching. Her soft breaths draw his focus, her head tucked in and resting against his chest. A smile creeps onto his lips at the way her curled fingers flex and relax against her chest, almost like a cat kneading its paws. He knows he shouldn’t enjoy this, shouldn’t be watching someone sleep. But his eyes had drifted to her face before he could stop himself and there they now stay, his feet on autopilot as he makes his way to her room.

He readjusts his hold on her, eliciting a soft mumble. Satan stops, afraid that he woke her. She shifts slightly, nuzzling into his chest and resting her head against his collarbone, a breathy sigh ghosting from her lips. He shudders, his fingers tightening against her thigh on impulse, and he’s suddenly extremely thankful for his high-necked shirt, unsure of how he would have handled her breath against his bare skin. Satan scowls and hastens his pace, desperate to leave those rogue thoughts behind and get her out of his arms as soon as physically possible.

The door opens with a soft creak and he shoulders her through into her bedroom. He tuts softly at her leaving her tableside lamp on but smiles at the open book on her bed. A quick skim of the contents confirms it as one of the books he lent to her, his heart fluttering in his chest at the fact.

The bed creaks under their combined weight as he sits on its edge, his previous thoughts of putting her down as soon as possible now no louder than a whisper to his conscience. The weight of her against his legs and in his arms, the calming warmth emanating from her that leaves him oddly restless for more, the way her eyelashes flutter softly in her sleep; suddenly, all Satan wishes for is this moment to last longer than he knows it should.

Freeing his hand from underneath her legs, he rests it atop her knee and stares down at her face, her head still resting against his chest. He can feel a heat creeping onto his face - the same heat from when she hugged him and thanked him so earnestly - yet he can’t find it in himself to dislike the feeling. Hesitantly, he moves his hand and cups her cheek, his fingers and palm moulding to the shape of her face like this is where they belong.

“So warm…”

Mystified and unaware he released his inner thoughts into the open, Satan studies her face while his hand basks in her addictive warmth, his thumb greedy for more as it traces the contour of her cheekbone with the same gentle care of flipping a page. Her shoulders roll back and she leans further into his touch, turning her face into his hand. Satan stiffens at her lips brushing against his thumb, but the happy hum and subsequent deep breath she releases against his skin freeze him in place before he can pull away.

He was right. He knew he wouldn’t have been able to handle her breath against his exposed skin.

With a thick swallow, he entertains pressing his thumb into her bottom lip. How it gives way to him so easily is fascinating and he doesn’t know if his thumb is shaking from fear of her waking up and him having to explain what he was doing, or the giddying thrill of chasing this warmth now pooling rapidly within him and begging for more.

Satan’s breath leaves him stuttered, his eyes following the path his thumb paves over her bottom lip, so soft and so malleable to his touch. He can’t break his gaze away, afraid of the spell shattering and dragging him by the scruff back to reality if he did. He doesn’t want this to end. Just this once, he could indulge himself - he could give in to the feeling instead of fighting it, propriety be damned. All he wants at this moment is to study her lips; what they feel like, how they move, how hot they can grow, how they taste, how…

How they… taste. How… they…

Taste.

He doesn’t remember closing his eyes, and only vaguely registers his fluttering lashes as he opens them again. But the rush of heat cascading over him and pulling him under like a riptide yanks him back to the path of reason.

Heat bordering on scalding centres at his lips and sends pulses of heat to singe through his entire body. And at its epicentre is her lips, brushing ever so softly against his own.

The yelp that leaves Satan is strangled and confused and he jerks back, suddenly unconcerned over if he wakes her or not. He deposits her onto the bed, almost destroys the switch on the lamp turning it off and makes a break for the door. He curses his hearing for registering a soft mumble from her while he flees, as if taunting him further when she has already taken over the better part of his thoughts.

Leaning against the closed door, Satan stands stock still, feebly attempting to process what just occurred. How did he even get that close to her? He remembers being entranced by her lips, their softness, their feeling, wanting to taste them…

He stops before he falls too far back into his thoughts. He’s too hot - his face, his body, his… something that Asmo would be proud of. His blood is boiling for an entirely different reason other than anger. With only the paintings on the walls as his witnesses, he returns to his room on unstable legs, convincing himself that if he sleeps now, everything that happened will be nothing more than a dream.

Satan knows better than to repeat the same mistake twice. And he doesn’t plan on doing so. Even with every fibre of his being begging him to save face and strategically disappear until it all dies down, he knows it’s not that simple. Plus, he doesn’t want to avoid her again.

That doesn’t make this walk to the dining hall for breakfast any less daunting. His meandering pace screams hesitance, but he continues to walk forward in the hopes that each step will be easier than the last. It’s not.

He grabs the handle to the door and pushes it open before his brain has a chance to interject, his own pride too great to make him act so cowardly. However, as he steps into the dining hall, Satan is surprised to find it mostly empty. Only one other person sits idly at the long dining table, their elbows resting on the table and their fingers tented with their chin resting atop them, a small, sly grin on their lips greeting Satan as he enters.

“Hello, my dear big brother. Nice of you to join me. I was almost afraid that you’d stood me up.”

A hand on his hip and his lips pressed together with discontent, he replies, “What are you doing, Asmo?”

“Oh, nothing, nothing at all. Just wanted to have a little heart-to-heart.”

“About?”

“Don’t play dumb, Satan. You know what about.”

He stiffens slightly at the quietly admonishing tone behind Asmodeus’ words. With a sigh, he shuts the door behind him and moves to take his usual seat at the table. The two sit in silence for a moment, Satan’s eyes glued to the table and unable to meet Asmodeus’ inquiring gaze. Then, a bubbly chuckle dispels the serious air, even when Satan lifts his eyes to glare at the offender.

“Why are you laughing?”

“I just find it quite ironic,” Asmo leans in further, his smile widening, “I never thought I’d be sitting here consoling YOU. Maybe the sun will rise in the Devildom tomorrow.”

Satan returns his gaze to the table, his finger tapping against the wood in a purposefully steady pattern.

“Alright, alright.” Asmo sighs, “Joking aside, we’ve all been a bit worried about you recently, one of us especially so.”

The twitch of Satan’s finger against the table urges Asmodeus forward.

“A certain little sweetheart of a human asked us to make sure our dumb brother was taking care of himself. All of that pure warmth and concern of hers going completely to waste…”

His eyebrows furrow, but he says nothing. Asmodeus continues.

“It’s almost like she genuinely cares about him and wants the best for him. Of course, she could just be doing it out of the kindness in her heart, but she seems awfully insistent on spending more time with him than the others. Poor Levi has been throwing himself into his games even more than usual to fight back the envy he feels over that fact.”

“Is that so?”

Asmo shifts to rest his cheek on one palm, his head tilted quizzically and sighing with almost convincing perplexion. He sneaks a glance at Satan, aware of the demon fighting back a smile.

“She’s even been turning me down. ME! And I’m clearly the most beautiful demon in all of the Devildom! She must have bizarre tastes to go after a demon who rips a book in half because his brother says she’s gorgeous, and who ignores her for days because he doesn’t know how to act in front of her.”

His tongue tied, Satan can only convey his guilt and annoyance through his eyes and actions. And Asmodeus registers every single one. Dropping his hand from his chin, he clasps his hands together and leans forward onto his forearms, prompting Satan to meet his oddly serious gaze. Jewels of amber and jade pool together as their eyes meet, the less powerful demon’s gaze oddly paternal and wise compared to his usual self.

“But love and lust do that to people. It makes them do stupid things and makes them fall for stupid people.”

“...”

“Not going to deny it?”

A bitter chuckle, “I don’t have it in me to.”

“Because you have no rebuttal, right?”

Satan’s strained smile wavers slightly. He turns his head down to the table with a cynical, self-deprecating laugh before willing himself to meet Asmodeus’ eye again. “If you had tried to tell me this not even a day ago, I wouldn’t have listened to you. I would have entertained the thought, but never would have admitted it out loud...”

“You still haven’t, you know~” Asmo says with a coy bat of his eyelashes.

“Don’t push your luck.”

A short pause before the two demons let out their soft laughter, alleviating the serious atmosphere. A welcome calm for the whirlwind of Satan’s thoughts, if only briefly.

Love… It IS love that I’m feeling. Heh, I think… I could get used to this feeling.

“Soooo?” Asmodeus inquires, his eyes lighting up as they narrow gleefully, “When did you start falling for our dear little ___?”

“You’re the Avatar of Lust. You tell me.”

The level-headedness of Satan’s response draws a pout to Asmo’s lips. “But I wanna know straight from the source! Unless that means I have to ask her for the details. With enough… persuasion, I’m sure I can get her to tell me anything.”

A wide grin splits Satan’s lips. “Sounds like someone wants their head immortalised in the wall just like Mammon.”

The Avatar of Lust raises his hands up in mock surrender, yet his eyes are peaked with intrigue.

“I jest, I jest! But wow, you really can’t take a joke when it comes to her, can you?” He tucks a loose strand of his hair back into place and leans in with a smirk, “You’ve got it baaaad. You’re so in loooooove~”

The serene smile on Satan’s face belies the horns growing and curling out of his head, the aura surrounding him dense, like a black hole of barely suppressed rage. Asmo raises his hands again in innocence, movements more stilted and frantic than before.

“Okay, okay! I’ll stop, I’ll stop. Just-“ he taps a finger against one of the obsidian horns as he stands from his seat, “-put those away and do NOT push my face into a wall! You will not ruin the very thing that makes me beautiful, or you will have hoards of succubi coming after you!”

His horns retract with a roll of his eyes, his gaze trained on Asmo as the Avatar of Lust moves towards the door. Satan’s eyebrow raises.

“That’s it?”

Asmo stops, tilting his head back to his brother without fully turning to face him, “What? Were you expecting the ‘a demon should never fall in love with a human’ lecture? I’m not Lucifer.”

Satan snorts, a bitter grin splitting his lips, “Does that mean he knows about this and is going to berate me later?”

Asmo’s shoulders rise and fall with the hyperbole of a stage actor or a five-year-old, Satan choosing the latter as a more accurate description.

“Who knows? I don’t. I haven’t told anyone and, as far as I know, I’m the only one who’s figured out why you’ve been acting so weird around ___.”

He turns his head to face forward again, hiding his beaming, scheming smile from Satan, “But if I were you, I would hash out your feelings now, before all of our brothers figure it out and try to do something stupid. For example… try to stop you, or maybe… try to take ___ for themselves?”

The scrape of the chair against the floor as Satan leaps to his feet has Asmo chuckling despite himself.

“Sorry! Couldn’t help myself.”

Satan’s death stare softens when Asmodeus turns back once again to meet his eyes, the look he sends the Avatar of Wrath oddly kind considering his teasing not five seconds before.

“Just be honest with her and you’ll be fine, Satan. Lust is the body’s way of telling the truth, and love is the same for the heart. Trust your brother on that~”

With those parting words, Asmo takes his leave, leaving Satan to stand there mulling his words over in thought. As he struts down the hallway, Asmo can’t help but let a little sigh escape his lips.

“I meant what I said, Satan. You better snatch her up before I do. Just be thankful that I’m giving you a head start.”

He wishes that he could be bold enough to go straight to her and confess his revelation - confess that she has taken over the better part of his thoughts for so long that she has basically denounced him as the Avatar of Wrath altogether.

But, unfortunately for him, his rational side is much more in control than his emotional side, even with the realisation of his feelings for her. Any inkling of thought to approach her, any free chance to change the subject or whisk her away to speak in private is cut off… by his own doing.

Curse you for giving me some of your foolish pride, Lucifer. Satan seethes inwardly, looking for anyone to blame regardless of accountability.

Strolling with palpable irritation through the House of Lamentation’s halls, he pulls his phone out for the umpteenth time today, swiping it open and opening the messaging app. He stares at her contact, top of the list. The last message sent was her sending a sticker, the little demon character smiling brightly at him. With a slow, deliberate inhale, he focuses on dispelling all of his inhibitions with this exhale. Then, with every fibre of his being, he stops himself from thinking and simply lets his thumbs type away against the screen.

Satan: Are you busy right now? If not, come to my room for a bit.

He hits send before pausing to look over the message. With his eyebrows furrowing and that just-short-of-comfortable warmth pooling in the depth of his stomach, he types out a second message.

Satan: I want to see you.

That message sends a much harsher jolt of warmth through him as he hits send, suddenly self-conscious at his boldness and acutely aware of how direct and clear his message is. Even though he was staring directly at the screen, the vibration of the reply still makes him jump. Scolding himself and shaking his head, he pours his eyes over the screen.

___: Okay! I’ll be there in 10.

Three little dots dance in sequence beneath the text, Satan’s hint to know that she’s typing something else. What appears is a sticker, the little red demon character blushing as it averts its eyes. Satan is quick to mimic the sticker - though unintentionally - his free hand covering his mouth as he turns his eyes to the ground, the heat emanating from his cheeks coursing into his fingertips.

Is that a good sign? I’ve read that courting for humans is the same for demons, but that was a book from the last millennia so maybe it’s changed since then? … I’m reading too much into this. Stop thinking, Satan!

With a grunt and a grimace, Satan continues down the hall, his footsteps heavier with anticipation and nerves. He vaguely registers a side glance and eyebrow raise from Lucifer as he passes him, but he doesn’t stop to process it. Not when the biggest challenge of his life was looming above him and ready to strike.

…

It was the longest ten minutes of this immortal demon’s entire life.

But the soft sound of knocking fills the quiet room and Satan is quick to open the door. He’s greeted by an equally soft smile, her cheeks rising with her clear happiness at seeing him. Satan feels the desire to let his gaze drift down to her lips, but he resists; every interaction with her begins this way after that night, but thankfully he can retain a somewhat normal air without her noticing his gawking.

Without a word, he opens the door further and steps aside. She walks past him as she enters the room, Satan aware of her eyes never leaving him even after he closes the door. Now alone in his room is when Satan begins to feel nerves twist his stomach into knots and swell in his throat like a lodged rock.

“Thank you for coming. I realise it was short notice.” He hopes he sounds normal enough as he says that.

She replies with a soft laugh, “Of course. I always enjoy seeing you.”

Satan swears he feels his ribcage jolt with how hard his heart hammers against his chest. Her words hold such power over him that he starts to second-guess if she might be a wizard like Solomon. He closes his eyes and clears his throat, raising one hand to his hip and the other to his chest.

“Hm. Well, good. I… I do, too.”

Keeping his eyes closed, he finds the words coming to him easier.

“Do you remember when you told me to come and talk to you whenever I needed to?”

“Yeah, I do.” He hears her small heeled boots click once, twice, against the floor, her voice closer than before as she worriedly asks, “Is something wrong?”

Satan swallows thickly. “I wouldn’t say ‘wrong’, per se. It’s just… difficult. I haven’t felt anything like this before, so it was quite the mission to wrap my head around before I could accept the truth.”

The hand at his chest clenches into a fist, his sweater balled into its middle - directly over his heart.

“I found it infuriating at first, and even more so when I became aware of what this was. But now, I’m just angry at myself because I can’t look you in the eyes as I tell you this.”

“Why can’t you?”

An understandable question, yet it tightens the frown on Satan’s face and makes his breath leave him as a hiss through clenched teeth.

“Because looking at you makes me want to--!” He bites his tongue and turns his back to her, the end of his sentence ushering from his lips with remorse and shame, “--it makes me want to kiss you...”

A beat of silence. Enough to convince Satan that everything he has said has ruined their chances at ever having a normal conversation again.

Her footsteps announce themselves as she steps closer, each one cautious as if she is approaching a frightened yet powerful beast. Gently, she places her hand on his shoulder, and Satan tenses slightly at her warmth - at her warmth only making his own warmth burn hotter.

“Satan.”

Please, don’t do it, he begs silently. But it is ultimately futile.

“Satan, look me in the eye.”

His body moves on its own accord, obeying the pact without any concern for the demon’s reluctance. She doesn’t command him - nor any of the demon brothers - that often through the pacts she made with them, but they know that when she does, it’s serious. Satan turns around, his arms moving to hang rigidly at his sides before his eyes are forced open by demonic influence.

She stands in front of him, no more than a foot away, her head tilted up to meet his eyes. And she looks… beautiful. Her eyes glisten with the beginnings of tears, yet her gaze is clear and focused only on his face. Her cheeks are stained a tempting shade of pink and stretch out to caress her ears. And her lips look so tantalizing and soft as she releases a breath from them.

For a moment, the two stand there staring at each other, absorbing each other’s palpable emotions and letting themselves get lost in the other’s eyes. Then, she raises her hand and carefully cups the Avatar of Wrath’s cheek with a touch so tender that he forgets himself for a moment. His eyes widen and his lungs halt their breaths, everything ceasing to focus on the warmth and softness of her hand against him.

“___…” Satan breathes out, his voice confused and pleading, desperate for both more and less simultaneously.

The pad of the human’s thumb strokes against the skin of Satan’s cheek, seemingly lost in the act of touching him. He swallows around the lump in his throat and waits for her to speak, the everpresent heat only flaring hotter at the addition of her skin caressing his own.

“Tell me, Satan.” Her cheeks flush further and her eyes communicate hope and affection, “Why do you want to kiss me?”

“Because, I…”

Her hand moves to the back of his neck, her fingers sweet as they comb through his blond hair in a comforting, encouraging way. Lost in her eyes yet emboldened by her actions, his own hand lifts to cup her cheek, his thumb gravitating to push on her lower lip, so plush and perfect.

“Because I love you.”

His whispered words incite the warmth within him, breaking the dam and flooding his entire body with this sweet, addictive heat. Satan moves his thumb, replacing it with his lips as he finally, finally listens to his heart. She hums into the kiss, her fingers gliding further into his hair and tightening her grip, just enough to keep her presence known. Their lips part with incredible reluctance, their faces still so close together that neither can see anything except the other’s lips, both open and ready for more.

“I love you, too.”

… What?

Satan baulks, his breath leaving him as a confused gasp that he couldn’t mask quickly enough. She laughs softly at his confusion, her fingertips moving to brush his fringe out of his face while her other hand moves to grip his shoulder with a comforting squeeze.

“I love your company, your wit, how sweet you can be, your kindness. I love you, Satan. And I want to kiss you, too.”

His heart soars at her words, his brain struggling to catch up. But his body does not wait to react, the heat beneath his skin now burning his blood and fogging his brain. His eyes darken and his breath leaves his lips hot and desperate. Whilst familiar sensations, they feel foreign to Satan, this heat being too… addicting. He wants - no, needs - more.

His inhibitions discarded, his lips reunite with hers with such vigour that she gasps against him. Satan takes the opportunity to trace his tongue over her lips, poking and prodding at them, desperate for access. Her shock subsiding, she gladly relents with a sweet sigh and Satan claims her, his tongue running along the roof of her mouth before seeking out her own tongue to twine with. His hand still holding her cheek, the other loops around her waist and pulls her flush against him, desperate to feel more of her warmth and to share this glorious, suffocating heat with her. Her hands move as well, her grip tightening on his sweater while the other returns to his hair, carding her fingers through it and gripping tight.

Satan inhales sharply through his nose before deepening the kiss. She pulls his hair harder in response, the action spurring him on and making him want more. He sucks her bottom lip between his teeth, toying softly with it, lulling her into safety before biting down. Her groan is let out into the air unmuffled by their kiss, Satan pulling back with her lip still between his teeth. He lets go, letting her catch her breath and letting his eyes rake over the fierce blush on her face and the sweet, swollen velvet red of her lips. He pulls her back for another kiss, his impatience mounting. She returns it eagerly, her gasps and moans chorusing together. Their hands move over each other like the ebb and flow of a tide, each responding to the other and reacting in turn.

Their lips never leaving each other, Satan staggers backwards, urging her to follow. His back hits the door of his room with more force than she expected, her balance skewing and her chest colliding with Satan’s. She releases his lips with a gasp, pulling back to make sure he’s alright, but the hand on her cheek pulls her back in for more, a moaned grunt of satisfaction leaving Satan.

“Don’t stop.” He breathes out against her lips, his words muffled by the kiss he speaks through.

When she hesitates, Satan moves his hand from her cheek to the back of her head. He lets his fingers be enveloped in the silky river of her hair before gripping it and tilting her head back with just enough force to hurt. She gasps, an edge of pain in her voice, but a whimper follows as Satan attaches his lips to the sensitive skin of her pulse point. Soft yet fierce kisses travel across the plains of her neck down to the collar of her shirt before retracing each step anew, his teeth nipping every so often at her soft skin just so Satan can feel her twitch beneath him. The pleasure he feels pooling within him is incredible, the heat intoxicating and desperate for release.

If I’m not careful, I might just--

His lips reattach to her pulse point, sucking and nibbling at the skin whilst the hand at her waist adjusts to trace his fingers along her spine, relishing in the way her body follows his touch as if begging for more.

I need more.

He moves back up to cherish her jaw, kissing along its edge until he reaches her ear. Her breath leaves her as a shuddered moan when Satan takes her earlobe between his lips, his tongue playful in its caresses and his teeth gentle in its affection against her sensitive organ.

“S-Satan…”

Her saccharine voice makes him sigh, the sound reverberating right into her ear and sending a shiver of pleasure through her. Just before he can return to her waiting lips--

“Satan! You in there?”

The voice and simultaneous knock shock the two in the room, the vibrations of the knock felt through their bodies significantly. In a panic, she buries her face into Satan’s chest to prevent any sound of shock from escaping. His hand still on her head, he gently strokes her hair both to calm her and to compose himself.

“What? I’m busy.”

“Lucifer needs ya. Better come quick before he throws a fit.”

Satan clicks his tongue at Mammon’s awfully timed message, “Alright. I’ll be over shortly.”

“Don’t leave it too long or we’ll both be in deep trouble! And I won’t forgive ya for it!”

His older brother’s heavy footsteps disappear into silence as he leaves, but they remain silent and still for a moment longer just to be safe. Convinced that they’re alone once again, Satan buries his face into the crown of her head and sighs deeply, his breath tousling her locks and wafting the sweet scent of her hair into his nostrils. He feels her nuzzle into his chest and he can’t help but smile at the action, his past thoughts of her being cat-like re-emerging in his mind.

After another minute enjoying each other’s embraces on borrowed time, Satan begrudgingly pulls himself back. She follows suit, pushing herself from his chest but keeping her hands against him just as an excuse to touch him. Their eyes meet and they share an embarrassed smile, both of them flushed and glowing with a subtle hint of yearning and lust.

“You okay?”

His question makes her smile widen and she stands on her toes to press a ghost of a kiss against his lips, one so quick that he can’t react quick enough to reciprocate.

“More than.” she grins, “The demon I love returns my feelings. How can I not be okay?”

A troubled smile couples with tender eyes to make Satan realise that his heart is definitely going to be tested with this human if she keeps this up. But, the thought of always feeling so pleasantly lost for words and lighter than air doesn’t actually sound that bad to him.

He’s distracted from his thoughts by her hand sweeping a stray blond lock of his hair back into place, her eyes narrowing with unadulterated affection.

“Go on, then. I don’t want you to get in trouble with Lucifer.”

Satan nods, yet neither of them moves. His fingers massage the muscles at her hips, and hers trace over his collarbone through the fabric of his shirt. He can’t help but grin wryly at how easily this human has him in the palm of her hand, but realises that she likely feels the same about him. It makes him happy to imagine but, ultimately, the thought of Lucifer coming after him overpowers his greater desire to stay.

He pushes her away gently by her hips and moves away from the door. Quickly straightening out his clothes, he hesitates to turn to leave as he eyes her face. She raises an eyebrow at him and he lets out a soft laugh.

“One more?”

She rolls her eyes, but her grin and the twinkle in her eyes give her away. Satan closes the distance between them, his hand moulding to the shape of her face as he cups her cheek and his lips doing the same as they meet hers. Slow, smouldering, sweet; the kiss lingers even as they both pull away, the kiss kept short lest they get lost within their passions again.

“I’ll be right here waiting for you when you come back.” She whispers with a conspiratorial smile, one Satan can’t help but mirror.

With a final, final peck to her lips, Satan pulls himself away from temptation and opens the door to leave, his eyes locked on her for as long as possible before closing the door behind him. The sweet, lingering heat still coursing through his veins simmers gently through him, her warmth and her scent reminding him of her presence despite her absence. He scoffs, yet the smile alighting his lips doesn’t match the sound.

I’m an idiot. And she’s an idiot for choosing me. But, now that I have her, I won’t let her go. This warmth of hers is mine.

As he starts walking towards Lucifer’s room, Satan does his best to school his features to keep the content smile off his face. But he can’t deny that it’s difficult, knowing that she’ll be waiting for him to return. And that she loves him and yearns for him, too.

That fact fills him with sweet, loving warmth.

#obey me #obey me fanfic #obey me satan #obey me female MC #I had a lot of fun writing this so hopefully you all like it too uwu #alternate title: Satan is a dingus #long fic

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astralsweetness · 5 years ago

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I can’t be honest (but neither can you) || Changkyun/Reader (m)

➣ I cannot believe this is my first contribution to Monsta X, this is really how I’m entering the writing side of this fandom OTL Also hello idk how to write short summaries?? I proof-read this at 4:30 AM so please tell me if I missed something lol. Fair warning I switch P.O.V.’s often in this and with absolutely no regard to any writing rules

➣ Changkyun/Reader | Angst[?] with a surprisingly happy ending that I didn’t mean to write | Showcases some bad coping mechanisms from both he and the reader | Mentioned Wonho/Reader, but it’s purely platonic in a sexual way | Smut warnings include: mentions of choking, pegging, fingering, mentions of a ruined sexual scene, sort of self-imposed edging if you squint, hair-pulling, facesitting

➣ It’s been almost a year since he called off the relationship and your name still tastes like a mixture between sugar and ash on his tongue when he says it, your picture is still saved in his camera roll, and he’s taken the plunge these last few months to reach out to you to be friends again. His hyungs tell him it’s a bad idea, and he tells them he knows, because he does, really, he swears he does. It’s just that his heart soars when he gets to talk to you and he can’t remember why he was ever scared of letting you in past that last wall he’d put up, and he’s going to your place and he hates himself because instead of “I love you” he says “please fuck me” and even now he can’t be honest to you about his feelings.

“I want you to fuck me.” He’s standing at your door, speaking in English with that deep voice of his, and you just blink blankly at him - he hadn’t called or texted to say he was coming over, and to be completely honest you hadn’t seen him in over a week. The silence is uncomfortable, but his eyes are intense, and he refuses to shift shyly under your blank stare.

“..well, come in I guess.” You invite him in with raised eyebrows - he goes easily, knowing your apartment like his own home. It’s been almost a year since you two broke up, but he hasn’t forgotten anything. That same stupid plant he hated was still on your table. He had no idea how it was still alive.

“So.. we aren’t together anymore, we haven’t hung out in a while, but you decided I’m the person you want to fuck you. Suddenly.” Your tone of voice conveys your lack of belief - this sort of feels like some very strange joke, but you have no idea who’d ever come up with one like this.

“You fuck Wonho-hyung all the time, and you aren’t dating him, so why can’t you fuck me?” His words are said in a rush, the first sign of nervousness, and you cross your arms and cock a hip. It’s your default power-pose, lets you feel like you’re in control when you have no idea what’s going on.

‘Is that really all it is?’ you want to ask, but you stay silent. He doesn’t seem aware that when you’re with Hoseok it’s more for the other man’s emotional well-being than it was just to get laid. Sometimes people needed to be broken apart and pieced back together lovingly just to feel okay. For Hoseok, you were a friend he trusted enough to let break him and then take care of the pieces that remained shattered on the floor.

“If you tell me why then maybe.”

“I’m not doing shit for a maybe.” He fires back instantly, gaze narrowing. His shoulders have tensed and he’s widened his stance, an unconscious reaction to the way your own body language had changed. Whether he actually felt it or not, at a subconscious level he believed he was being threatened.

You step forward and snag him by the forearm - the fight goes out of him instantly, replaced by pure innocent confusion as you lead him to your bed. He notices dully that you’ve redecorated your bedroom - though it makes sense considering he was the one who had helped you liven it up before.

“Sit - and try to relax. All the muscles in your shoulders are tensing up.” Your words have the opposite affect you wanted them to have - he tenses more, seemingly thrown off by your care, your notice of his minute actions.

You watch the way his gaze drifts over your room – it catches and lingers on a group picture of you and the rest of his group, tucked safely into the frame of your vanity mirror.

It’s a nice picture, though you really don’t remember taking it. You’re fairly certain everyone was drunk though, since you’ve got your arm thrown around Minhyuk’s shoulders in it, pressing your cheek against his.

It’s cute, even if looking at it is bittersweet. You can see the question on his face, the ‘why did you keep this?’.

“It’s not like I stopped being friends with them just because we broke up.” You feel defensive over your choice, face heating – you weren’t even near him in the picture, on completely opposite sides in it. He just murmurs a soft “oh” that sounds dejected, and you desperately don’t want to think about it.

“Anyway –“ You’re desperate to move on at this point, and he seems to feel the same because his attention snaps back to you. “You’re not really in a position here to argue and make demands, but fine -“ It was just sex, right? For you, anyway. “I can’t literally right now, I have a class in 30 minutes, but if you tell me why then we can negotiate.” You feel like some sort of fucking dealer.

He seems vaguely surprised you’ve agreed so easily, but he works his jaw and tries to figure out how to explain his reasoning to you - whatever it may be. You let him think and go in search of your computer bag. Online classes were a pain, especially those that required attendance in the form of a webcam. The bag has been thrown into a corner of your room, and you sigh and bend down to begin your annoying search.

“Well, we’re not together anymore, so..” You crane your neck to look at him, even as you continue to rummage through your backpack for your computer cord. Damn thing was in there somewhere, you knew. “I don’t have to worry about what you think of me anymore?”

He finishes his statement with an accidental upwards inflection that turns it into a question, and your hands pause before you turn back around and continue searching, mulling over your word choice carefully. ‘You never had to worry’ sits on your tongue, something that is desperate to be said, but you swallow it back down. He wouldn’t believe you and it’d cool the current mood.

“I see.” You finally settle on, standing and popping your vertebrae back into place as your prize - the fucking charging cord - dangles from your hands. Your two words could convey many meanings, and you can see from your peripheral that his brow has furrowed. It’s not the answer he was expecting, though you think he probably didn’t know what he’d been expecting in the first place. “Then - what is it you want?”

“For you to fuck me.” He answers again, and then swallows as he notices your blank stare has returned.

“I know that, you said that. I meant what specifically are you looking to get out of this?”

“I want it to hurt.” His words make your breath catch in your throat, emotions swinging between vaguely turned on and worried. Sure, he’d had some masochistic tendencies in bed before, but - “I mean - I don’t – not physically -“ He’s switched to Korean in the wake of your silence, a comfort language, and you wonder if he even realizes he’s done it.

“Okay.” You respond simply in Korean back and he stops his rambling, just blinks at you. You see the tension finally start to drain out of his shoulders and switch back to English purely for your own sake, because it was easier, definitely not because you wanted to be able to hear his voice speaking your native language. “So long as you promise to use safewords, I won’t ask. I’m not your therapist and I’m not -“

“My girlfriend.” He finishes your sentence quietly, back to English as well, and your mouth goes dry.

“And I’m not here to judge you.” You remedy - you weren’t going to mention anything about your past relationship, and he looks away quickly at that realization. “You mentioned Hoseok -“ His hand twitches at his side when you call his hyung by his real name, but you mercifully don’t call him on this. Maybe this was a bad idea, but you’ve gone this long purely on the denial that he regrets breaking up with you, and it’s too late to stop that now. “- so I’m going to treat this situation exactly like that.”

“Okay?” Changkyun has no idea what that means, his fingers curling into your bedspread. You check the time - 20 minutes until class.

“I’m your friend, and I want to help you. This doesn’t change anything between us, this doesn’t add some extra dynamic, some extra layer.” Your voice has gone business mode and he’s stiffened his back at it, an ingrained response from being in the music industry for so long. “I’m not doing this just because I want sex - if you are, that’s fine, but I’m just doing this to help you out. Is that clear?” He nods once, eyes wide. You think he’s cute. You’ve always thought he was cute, and it reminds you of how cute turned into smitten and smitten turned into perfection and perfection turned into love and love - well, he ended love. “Changkyun - do you promise this is just about sex or release of some kind and nothing else?”

Your tone had softened, and he’d been let out of whatever thrall your no-nonsense voice had put him into. The question hangs in the air heavily, dripping of a nectar so sweet it’s sickening.

“Yes. I promise.” His voice is hoarse, cracking and quiet - and you think he’s lying.

But you’ve held on to your denial for so long. He had said before that the spark was just gone - and what were you supposed to say to that? It wasn’t his fault; people fell out of love all the time. You could barely believe he’d ever been interested in you from the beginning and you refused to believe you were worth falling in love with for a second time. The fact that you had managed to remain friends is more than you could have ever hoped for.

“Okay.” You repeat his assurance, more for your own benefit than his. The room is quiet, and thunder rolls in the distance. Fuck - a storm meant spotty WiFi for your class.

You check the time again - 15 minutes.

“We can use the stoplight system -“ His gaze has blanked so you take the time to roughly translate it into Korean, explaining until his brow smooths out, and then you’re back to English. “Aside from that, though, I need to know what you’re interested in, what you want to happen or don’t want to happen. You can hang out here if you want during my class, or leave, I don’t care - but take the time to think over what it is you want in this session.” Your words are too clinical, you know this, but you can’t keep yourself from doing it that way. You know most of the things he’s into and not into, but if you don’t take this route then it all feels too intimate. Besides, he’d always kept a very careful hold of how much control he’d let go around you before, never wanting to slip too far into subspace, always wanting to seem in command, even when subbing for you. You wonder if that’s changed. You certainly don’t remember him ever blatantly asking outright to have something done to him before.

Memories flash across your mind eye, his back covered in your scratch marks, the way he moaned brokenly when you pulled on his hair, the way he came when you pressed your fingers to his throat. But he never asked for any of it - you had to ask if it was okay to do to him, and he always brushed off any of your attempts of aftercare.

You swallow again, feeling vaguely sick. Things had been broken in your relationship long before he called it off, but neither one of you wanted to admit it. Your heart hurts for multiple reasons, but when you glance at him out of the corner of your eye you know the biggest one: ‘I hope I didn’t hurt him by not talking about it’.

But he didn’t talk about it either. Did he care about whether it hurt you?

“Is that okay?” He’s been talking to you, and you startle out of your thoughts - a half-formed little smirk dances at the corners of his lips, one eyebrow quirked in amusement. He knows you well enough to know when you’ve been drifting. “I said, I’ll stay here if that’s alright with you.”

“Yeah, it’s fine - sorry, was just.. thinking.” It doesn’t really surprise you that he’s decided to stay - he’s confident to a fault, it’s true, but there’s a slash of shyness that strikes through his character, and you know that if he left he might not be able to come back. The thunder rumbles in agreement.

You half-watch him as you set up your computer on the coffee table – he’s looking around your apartment with thinly veiled curiosity, though you don’t really blame him. It didn’t really look anything like when you two had been together, and yet.. you felt it still had his subtle touch all over it. You wondered if he noticed that.

The class is boring, as it usually is – you’re watching the screen but your mind is far away, listening to your admittedly enthusiastic professor talk about the hyoid bone and articulations while your focus is on Changkyun. He lingers around you with a nervous type of energy, clearly not feeling allowed to roam around your apartment (it’d be kind of weird if he had, you admit) but also not feeling comfortable enough to sit on the couch next to you, even if he would have been off camera.

It’s almost like it was before, and you half expect him to sit down next to you anyway and throw his arm around your shoulder, always just off-screen, sitting next to you during your classes while he amused himself with his phone, just so he could be near you.

You’re just about to be able to feel the phantom warmth from the memory of his arm around you before he coughs and you startle, eyes snapping to him – he looks back wide-eyed, not understanding your surprise but murmuring a quiet apology anyway.

God you were so fucked.

.｡..｡.

“So?” The instant your class had ended you’d snapped the computer lid shut – you hadn’t retained a single thing said, what a complete waste. It wouldn’t have mattered if you’d skipped and focused on Changkyun in the end after all. “Did you decide on what you wanted?”

You’re so flippant with your question that he feels like he’s being asked about what it is he wants to eat instead of how he wants to have sex – the entire hour of your class he’d been nervous, and those nerves had by now tightened into a very tight ball at the base of his spine that periodically sent white-hot flames licking along his muscles.

“I –“ His mouth is so fucking dry and he hates how small he suddenly feels – he’d never felt like this around you before, but usually it had always been you asking if you could do something to him, hadn’t it? “I said it earlier. I want you to fuck me.”

He watches your reaction with pin-point precision – the small widening of your eyes, the way your gaze darts to the side like it always did when you were thinking something over – it wasn’t like you hadn’t ever fucked him before, but he’d never asked you to do so, and you clearly hadn’t expected him to come out with something like that so easily.

Why the hell could he say something like that and not something as simple as ‘I love you’, or even ‘I miss you’?

“Okay.” You’ve wrested your thoughts back under control – it wasn’t fair of him to say something like that, looking so utterly and effortlessly attractive. “As long as there’s no kissing I’ll fuck you any way you like, Changkyun.” You were over him and he was over you and this was just sex.

If you said it enough you’d start to believe it, right?

Changkyun just nods at your terms, looking a bit despondent – you can’t help the strong surge within you that says to fix it, fix whatever upset him, but you have a feeling you knew already. He’d always been a bit fixated on kissing you, but you knew if you let him this time then it’d all be over.

“I don’t remember you ever falling this far into the ‘submissive’ side of things, Changkyun.” You’re desperate to regain the upper-hand, and he flushes a bright red at your comment, grumbling out a weak “shut up” that has you smiling.

“Have you been experimenting?” You’re still teasing him but he bristles at the insinuation that he would have been with anyone after you – you had no reason to think he hadn’t been but the mere thought of being with anyone other than you makes him ache deep in his chest, in his soul.

“No.” He tries to keep his voice calm, but it wavers still and he digs his fingernails into the soft leather of his belt, pausing. “I haven’t been with anyone since –“

He can’t say it, but you understand regardless – he doesn’t like how surprised you look, ducks his head and lets his hair obscure his view of you as he refocuses on undressing. It’s not that you’d been wrong to be surprised with his decision for today, either – before you, he’d never really definitively considered himself particularly dominant or submissive, happy with having the choice to be either at the drop of a hat. That changed with you though – you had been so uncompromising with your power, beautiful and self-assured, and he knew without a doubt that if you so much as even hinted at it he would be on his knees for you every single time.

Not that he had ever told you that, of course. He’d never told you anything he really wanted to. Even now, with you looking at him softly, trying to see if you’d crossed a line with your little teasing jabs, the words ‘I’m happy being this for you’ get stuck in his throat and all he can do is tug his shirt over his head wordlessly, fingernails clicking nervously at his belt as he undoes it. You pretend not to notice the way your heartrate accelerates as he reveals his body bit by bit to you, slender waist but powerful figure, beautiful skin, beautiful body.

“Well, then – lie down.” You gesture to your bed and he swallows down the stupid fucking butterflies he gets at the gesture – he’d been on your bed before, he’d been in this position before, there was absolutely nothing to be nervous about.

And still, despite his nerves, a pleasurable chill runs down his spine when he hears the cap of the lube being clicked open, and he forces himself to exhale as he shifts and tries to get comfortable on a comforter he no longer recognized, in a room that had no trace of him in it anymore.

You look at him with a level gaze, always so calm, and he ignores the erratic beating of his heart and nods his assent for you to begin, immediately shifting his gaze to your ceiling.

Why the fuck was he so goddamn nervous?

(He tries to forget the way he instantly whimpers when he feels your finger, slick with lube, probing at his rim, tries to forget the way he gets hard in under a minute from your heavy gaze and one finger alone, and god he aches for more, aches for anything you’re willing to give him.)

“You’re taking this awfully well.” The teasing comes out unbidden, spilling past your lips before you can even think about the words – but it’s true, for someone who had claimed to not have been with anyone since you he was taking your fingers incredibly well.

“My own hands – fuck – exist..” His snarky response turns into a shaky moan halfway through when you decide to carefully – but quickly – add a third finger. There’s something erotic (and interesting) to you about that, thinking over the fact that Changkyun had been finger-fucking himself ever since you two broke up.

“You look good like this.” It’s an attempt to make up for the previous teasing but all it does is cause him to groan and throw a forearm over his eyes, legs spreading wider when you hit that spot deep inside.

“Fuck, jesus – fuck..” It’s a broken sob instead of an actual sentence (though he manages to stick with English), a familiar feeling already building deep in his gut. He’s not sure if it’s because it’s been so long since he’d been fingered by someone else or if it’s because it’s you doing it, complimenting him while doing so, or if it’s a combination of everything, but his back arches against his will and he knows he is seconds away from coming undone already.

“Stop – stop, oh my god –“ At his desperate plea you stop moving completely and he wants to sob as the pleasurable feeling slowly ebbs away, an almost painful drag as it settles back into a dull burn. He’s gasping, tiny whimpering sounds as he sucks breath back into his lungs, chest heaving – his eyes are wide, fingers curling into your comforter. He looks frantic, frightened almost, and even if it wasn’t your responsibility you knew you’d be desperate to fix it.

“Changkyun, ar –“

“I’m fine.” He bites it out angrily, doing his absolute best to look like he had been anything but moments away from an orgasm five minutes into.. whatever this was. He’s shutting you out again, before anything even begins, and it fills you with such an irrational anger that you have to suck in a breath of your own to keep from lashing out, taking gentle care to extract your fingers even as your blood boils.

“Stop fucking lying to me.” You can’t keep the ice from your words, even if you manage to control the volume and pitch – his dark eyes snap from the ceiling to you in surprise. There’s a panicked feeling bubbling up in his chest, because he really doesn’t know if he can handle you calling him on his true feelings for you right now, doesn’t want to have to admit he still loves you while he’s naked and so vulnerable.

“I’m not –“

“Stop it.” His mouth shuts with an audible click of his teeth, so sudden is your cut-in. Your brow has smoothed out, no longer angry, instead immensely sad, and he’s not sure this is any better. “You said you wanted to do this because you didn’t have to worry about my opinion. So why are you still doing it?”

He can’t breathe, and the lube is drying sticky on your fingers, and for a moment neither of you are aware of the position you’re in, the way the thunder has become your constant background music – he’s looking at you unblinkingly and you’re staring back, and it’s too intimate, too much, but neither of you look away.

“Please stop.” He speaks and it’s barely a whisper, the sound of someone’s heart breaking louder than his voice. You don’t know what to say but open your mouth anyway.

Lightning flickers outside your bedroom window and then your apartment is shaking from the resounding thunder, the power flickering and then plunging the two of you into darkness. Suddenly you can breathe again, and you’re quickly trying to slide out from in between his legs because he said ‘stop’ and he was fully coherent even if he hadn’t said ‘red’, because he said ‘stop’ and you have only ever wanted him comfortable.

“Wait –“ He is frantic, grabs your forearm with frigid fingers as he leans half off your bed to catch you from retreating too far. It’s hard to see him but you get flashes from the light outside your window, electricity reflecting off his dark eyes in starbursts.

“You said to stop.” Your voice is broken and you feel so powerless, sick inside because while you rarely manage to ruin a scene it still tears you up inside each time, and Changkyun wouldn’t let you try to fix it with aftercare and you don’t know what to do anymore.

“I meant –“ Stop talking, stop laying me bare and open, just fuck me and make me forget everything, stop being you so I can stop loving you. “I just want to be ruined.” He says instead, and his voice is so low but so weak that you barely recognize it.

“I can’t do that if you don’t let me.” Your clean fingers curl around his and gently pry them from your arm – but then you keep holding them, and you want to let go but you can’t remember how to tell your body to do so. “Will you let me, Changkyun?”

The air is still and silent aside from the rain slashing angrily at your windows – there is no thunder, your own heartbeat loud enough (or maybe it was his, you didn’t know anymore).

“I want to.” He answers instead, voice quiet but a bit stronger than before, and your eyes have adjusted so you can see the features of his face vaguely now, follow the line of his brow to his cheek to his lips, and you’re leaning in and you hate yourself because you had promised this was the one thing you wouldn’t do.

“Let me wreck you then, baby.” And oh that nickname was a mistake but you’d said it anyway, a ghost of a whisper against his lips, a proposition and a plea all in one. He moves forward the last centimeter and connects your lips as an answer, a sound that is almost one of pure relief being ripped from his throat.

It’s like he’s been waiting years for this moment, doesn’t even fight as you grip his jaw lightly and angle him into a better position so you can scope out the inside of his mouth with your tongue, relearning things you had known long ago but had thought were forgotten.

There’s a flighty feeling in his chest, one of nervousness and expectation – he doesn’t want to give you control so easily, he doesn’t want to be opened and laid bare in front of you, he doesn’t want you to see something you dislike in him – but more than anything he wants you to touch him and keep kissing him and god he fucking misses you, has missed this. He’d asked you to ruin him, you’d asked to wreck him, but he knew he was already both ruined and wrecked just from being near you again, from having your lips on his own.

You try to slide your hands back down his body but he stops you, continues to kiss you as his fingers curl around your own, and the act is so intimate it almost feels wrong.

“Just – hurry up, I’m ready enough.” He manages to say scattered between four different kisses, never apart from your lips for more than a few seconds. You hate yourself for not even trying to stop him, leaning into them each time.

“You can stretch yourself some more while I get ready.” You have to pull away from him completely to say this, and he follows you like you’ve got some magnetic pull on him before you’re off of the bed and the connection is broken.

Even with your eyes adjusted it’s hard to properly get the harness on, fingers fumbling with the straps but managing in the end. You can hear him breathing harsh, anticipating – you can tell from the sounds alone that he hadn’t taken your advice, but you’re not surprised. Always your little pain slut, even if he had never wanted to admit it.

When you approach him again his eyes are wide, brow furrowing as he notices you’re still fully clothed – he keeps his mouth shut tight though, gaze darting in the dark. The storm still rages on outside but neither of you even notice it anymore.

Your fingers on the inside of his thigh startle him – he jumps, trying to close his legs, but you force them back open again. Something about that simple action makes a moan trickle into his throat, but he swallows it back down stubbornly.

He can’t conceal the next sound he makes when you press the blunt tip of the strap-on to his opening, though, a rasping whine as you push in slowly, so fucking slowly. Even with all the lube he knew you’d slathered over the toy it still takes a bit of work to get it into him, and every slight stretch makes him grit his teeth in a masochistic type of pleasure, feeling so full by the end that it makes him so painfully hard his head spins. It hadn’t taken long to get him worked back up, but he’s not really thinking about that right now.

All he knows is that he wants to be close to you, wants to feel good, wants to make you happy – he wants so much that he doesn’t think he can even begin to put any of it into words. It always ends up at ‘I love you’ and he already knew that was a phrase that lodged in his throat like knives.

“Please.” This he can say – you don’t know what he’s begging for but he’s begging all the same, the word ‘please’ becoming a chant that slowly shifts back into his native tongue when teeth mark his throat, fingertips pressing insistently into his hips as you fuck him hard and rough. He hopes, distantly, that it bruises. He wants to be able to remember this for as long as possible.

If he was present enough in the moment he might have been embarrassed by the sounds he was making – his naturally deep voice has transformed completely into high breathy whines, all trace of his ‘savage rapper’ persona gone when you bite his lip hard enough it throbs before you’re flipping him, pushing his shoulders down into the bed with one hand.

The feeling of your palm, small but blindingly warm on his back, makes him weak enough that his thoughts stutter, head a chaotic mess of fractured thoughts and sensations. His eyes are open but unfocused – it’s dark in the room anyway, but he’s unaware of it, cognizant only of your presence and his, that warm fuzzy feeling in his chest competing with the white-hot fire you were stoking lower in his pelvis.

You want to cry at how beautiful and perfect he is for you, the way he arches his back instinctively, presents himself as your own personal plaything – but he wasn’t yours, you had to remember that, remind yourself over and over that this was just sex. (If you repeated it enough it started to stop sounding like real words, and that was equally as dangerous as forgetting them in the first place.)

The head of the strap-on teases his entrance and he groans, clenching his fists into your pillow – you’d taken it out when you’d flipped him and he was fighting against every fucking urge and want and need his body was screaming at him to just take the plunge and force himself backwards. (But another part of his brain is telling him to wait, to make you happy, to draw this out as long as fucking possible because he has no idea if he’ll ever get to experience it again.)

“Can you tell me what you want?” Your voice is soft as silk, quiet, and a fluttery feeling rises up in his stomach at the sound, at how you’ve modified an order to be a request. He doesn’t know how he feels at the realization that you were taking it ‘easier’ on him verbally, that you had at some point come to understand he was having trouble letting go completely.

“I –“ He tries, he really fucking does, but like always the words get stuck in his throat. He just can’t seem to bring himself to admit what he really wants out loud and it is destroying him. One of your hands smooths down his side, lingering at his hip, and he feels like you’ve left behind a line of pure fire on his skin, almost burning away the shame and hatred he feels at himself for his fucking inability to be vulnerable, his cowardice.

“Just fuck me.” He says instead, defeat coating his words – and he can feel you hesitating, because it was obvious he’d meant to say something else and hadn’t.

He opens his mouth to say something, though he has no idea what, at the same instant you decide to slide the strap-on back into him. Whatever he’d been planning to do is gone from his mind instantly, his world reduced to just the dull burn, the frustratingly slow drag against his innermost walls, the way you manage to somehow brush up against the spot that has him trembling and dropping to his forearms. He curses in a strange mixture of Korean and English and you laugh softly at the sound, even as you slide out and thrust back into him hard enough that he jolts forward.

He feels, in a sense, like he is being broken in all the best ways – all he can focus on is you, all he can feel is the way you’re fucking him, grabbing at his hips. His breath is caught in his throat and he just knows he is going to ache later, bone-deep and satisfying.

But it’s not enough, never enough – you’re not asking to do more to him like you had in the past and he can’t manage to tell you what he desires most (though, at this point, he’s not totally sure he could say anything coherent anyway). He reaches back with one hand, groping – your fingers wrap around his and he drags them up to his hair, a wordless plea. He hopes you understand what he’s asking for.

A broken moan is ripped from his throat when you fist your hand in dark strands and pull backward, forcing him into an arch – his mind has blanked into varying shades of white, electricity on his skin and molten lava running through his veins, your heat against his back overwhelming.

You know it’s a bad idea before you do it, but you lean down and press you lips to his shoulder anyway, teeth scraping over feverish skin – the hoarse whine he gives at the feeling makes wetness pool between your legs, uncomfortable and wrong because this was just sex, this was just supposed to be for him.

The urge to mark him up is so strong it’s almost distracting – your hips falter in the bruising pace you’d set as your mind drifts, Changkyun groaning at the sudden shift in speed.

“Let me –“ He’s gasping, feels like he’s been running a fucking marathon or drowning (and oh, he has, drowning in you, in his expansive and terrifying feelings for you) but he knows your hips have to be sore by now and to be completely honest he is just downright greedy, wanting to feel you deep inside, wanting to –

He just wants so much. He reaches back to press at you gently and you let him move you instantly, trying to figure out what had bothered him – as soon as you realize he just wants a change in position you’re grabbing at his hips again, tugging him over your legs. His cock drags against the fabric of your shorts and he nearly sucks in a breath, trying to focus on lining himself up instead of the way it throbbed (or the way you were looking at him, hair splayed out on the pillow and yet so in command still).

He thinks he should feel more in control like this, on top of you, hands braced on your shoulders – but he doesn’t, not at all, and he knows instantly that he isn’t when you snap your hips up to meet his and he falls onto you, moan vibrating against the skin of your neck. He can feel your fingers in his hair, nails scraping against his scalp, can feel the infuriatingly teasing way his cock is rubbing up against your fucking shirt you never took off. It’s gone untouched for so long that it’s absolutely aching by now and he thinks he might actually be able to orgasm like this – but he doesn’t want to, not yet, even with how border-line painful its become. He doesn’t want this to end, doesn’t want to have to go back to a world without you in it.

His hips stutter on top of yours when you tug on his hair again, grinding hard against the strap-on, and you lift his face high enough you can press your lips to his, all hot breath and panted moans. He tastes of honey and heartbreak and you want nothing more than to make him cum and fall apart, trembling, on top of you.

“Am I ruining you properly, baby?” Your voice is dark red and sinful, and he trembles at the sound and tries to seek out your lips again, a whine lodged in his throat when you tighten your grip on his hair and keep him in place, rolling your hips languidly up to meet his frantic movements. “Tell me.”

“Fuck..” He responds instead, deep and rough in his chest – it cracks into a high moan when you punish him with a harsh upwards thrust, fingers curling into your shoulders. Your soft laugh, amused or delighted he’s not sure, makes a feeling like electric butterflies break out across his skin. If you had let go of his hair he’d have buried his face into your neck again to hide his expression – but you haven’t, and he knows you can see everything, every part of him, every expression he makes.

He thinks he must look stupid, embarrassing – but all you see is pure beauty. His brow has furrowed and sweat drips down to his collarbones, bruised lips parted slightly, glistening from where you’d kissed him earlier. Hazy eyes try to look anywhere but your face failingly, allowing you to see the foggy galaxy residing in their darkness. You’re not sure if what you’re seeing is his pupil or iris, but you find it gorgeous all the same, intoxicating.

“I’m going to make you cum, Kyunnie.” He shakes at your dangerous words, your knife-sharp gaze. You’re aware he never responded to your last question. “You’ll fall apart up there, ruined, just like you asked to be.”

Your words wrap around him, coiling tightly like chains – he feels caught, trapped, and he wants nothing more than for you to make good on your word, even if it sends a sharp trill of fear through his stomach.

The grip on his hair lets go suddenly and he sags forward, as if your pull on him had been all that was keeping him upright. He’s left a mess of pre-cum on your shirt, flushes a dark red when you drag your fingers through it thoughtfully.

“Messy boy..” You muse, heat spreading through you when you see the way his cock jerks at those two simple words, so red and aching, so fucking beautiful and desperate.

Fuck, you wanted so badly for him to be yours.

One of his hands flies to your wrist when you finally wrap your fingers around him – more of his weight is on you now but you can’t find it in yourself to mind, not with the way he’s breathing hot and wet against your neck, the way he doesn’t stop you when you move your hand, just clings to your arm desperately like he’s not totally sure he wants to be touched yet.

A choked sound leaves his mouth, lips bitten bloody, and you turn your head so you can breathe against his ear, let him press his face further into your neck. “Such a little whore..” You murmur, and he sobs open-mouthed against your skin and thrusts weakly into your fingers and then back onto the strap-on, unsure of which feeling he wanted more of. “So beautiful. So perfect.”

A part of him feels like he’s dying, unsure if he was really okay with being so vulnerable with you – but another part of him, the larger part, feels like he is fucking soaring, like this is all he had ever wanted and more. There are flames licking at his body, coiling tighter and tighter in his stomach, and he’s not sure how much longer he can last like this.

“You can fall, Changkyun.” Your voice is in his ear, like the sound of silk sliding over skin, fingernails tracing lightly along the back of his neck. He hates the way he reacts so viscerally to it, climax surging forward at the sound, at the way your fingers slide wetly over the head of his cock pinned in between the two of you. “It’ll be okay, you can fall to pieces. I’ll catch you.”

He orgasms with a wail that makes him flush a dark red, and he would have been mortified at the sound if every nerve ending in his body wasn’t currently sparking, his muscles spasming as he tries to keep thrusting into your fist even as the lightning bolt sensations turn from overwhelming to painful. He doesn’t even realize tears have slipped from his eyes until he feels your lips kissing them away, and he is hit with such a wave of emotion that he can’t breathe all over again (and it is just pure emotion, he couldn’t identify a single one of them if he tried).

After you slowly pulled out and settle him on the blankets he watches, distractedly, as you slide the straps down over your hips, leaving it on the floor to be dealt with later. Impulsively he reaches out to catch the edge of your shorts when you try to head to the bathroom, tongue sliding over chapped lips when you turn that powerful, beautiful gaze of yours on him. One of your eyebrows has raised, appraising him as he slowly tugs you back to the bed until you’re resting on your knees next to his waist. Sweat is drying sticky on his skin and he’s trying not to feel like he’d done something wrong, reacted in some undesirable way that you’d remember and relate to him for the rest of your life - but above all that, he wants to taste you. It’s the only consistent thought running through his mind, more prevalent than the lingering unease at having bared so much of himself to you.

“Please.” Again, it’s all he can say, eyes so dark and wide, pleading – his fingertips rest lightly on your hip, over the waistband of your shorts, lips parted ever so slightly. It’s so obvious what he’s asking for, and you want to say no. You’re pretty sure you need to say no. “Babe –“

You surge forward to cut him off mid-sentence with a brutal kiss and he gasps – you didn’t want to hear that, and you can tell from the way he’s frozen that he hadn’t meant to say it, even as his body returns the kiss on pure muscle memory alone. This entire experience had been a mess, a mistake, and yet –

“Okay.” It’s more a breath against his mouth than a word, but the way he smiles at your soft agreeance makes your heart hurt. You were in so deep, had fallen so far – how foolish of you to think you had been over him. How fucking stupid you’d been.

He wastes no time, pulling your shorts and underwear down like he’d done it hundreds of times before – because he had, you note dully – fingers wrapping around your thighs. When you sink down onto his face a tension drains out of his body that neither of you had even noticed was still lingering.

All he can smell is you, all he can taste is you – you surround him and this is all he’s ever fucking wanted, to be possessed by you, to be as close to you as possible. He’s not even totally sure what he’s doing aside from the fact that he’s putting his absolute all into it – he’s just trying to taste every inch of you he can, tongue delving as deep as possible before switching to suck on your clit. There’s no rhyme or reason to his method and it has you letting out a quiet sigh that borders on a gasp. He tries to memorize the sound instantly – any sound he could get out of you was a treasure in itself, but he wasn’t sure he’d ever get to hear them again after this.

There is no particular build-up to your orgasm – it’s at first lingering briefly bone-deep and then suddenly it is upon you in streaks of lightning, hips grinding against his face but mouth stubbornly shut. You can’t let this be any more intimate than it already was. (And yet you instinctively reach down and lace your fingers with his, and his thumb smooths across the back of your hand as he continues to mouth at your cunt, drink up your fluids. You are so utterly and completely stupid, your heart in your throat.)

There is a moment you want to carve out afterwards, a small bubble in time where the two of you could just bask in the afterglow and pretend like nothing had changed from a year ago – but you can’t let yourself do that, pushing yourself up off the bed even as every fiber of you begs to remain beside him for a moment longer. His fingers remain holding yours a moment too long before dropping to your bedspread, defeated.

Your heart suddenly felt like it was three sizes too big for your body, filled to the brim with love for a man you knew you’d have no second chance with, and you clench your teeth tightly to keep it from oozing out between your teeth like bittersweet sugar.

He’s still panting when you return with a damp cloth, reaches for it as if he really expects you to make him clean himself off. You scoff and catch his hand with your own, setting it back down on the bed as you begin to clean off his face first. Whether you wanted to avoid intimacy or not there were things you simply refused to throw to the wayside just because you wanted to remain distant, and one of those was taking care of him after sex. (He’s more receptive this time than he used to be, not fighting you and claiming he was fine, letting you dote on him with a sort of hesitant and soft acceptance. It makes your heart hurt all the more, the pure ache and want almost unbearable.)

“You’re always so messy..” It’s meant to be a light comment but the two of you accidentally lock gazes when you say it, your hand stalling in its motions. He looks like he wants to say something, lips parting – your breath catches in your throat, waiting, but he ultimately just shuts his mouth, gaze darting away from you. Your breath leaves you in a small burst. “Just relax, Kyun, I’ve got you.”

It’s the typical words you say to a sub after an intense session (with an accidental affectionate nickname that you bite the inside of your cheek for), but you mean them, and you don’t want to, but you do, irrevocably. You know that if he needed it, if he asked for it, you would let him stay here for as long as he wanted. You knew that tonight you wouldn’t be asking him to leave. And for that you are so, so incredibly fucked. (You wonder if he is too, judging from the way his eyes widen at the nickname and his breath stutters – but you crush that thought instantly, don’t dare to get your hopes up.)

He’s surprised that you take the time to clean him up, bring him water and a change in clothes – they aren’t his but they’re clearly a man’s, and he wonders if they belong to Hoseok considering the size. Something deep in his chest hurts at that thought. He’s even more surprised when you pull on an oversized shirt instead of telling him to leave – he faintly realizes that he recognizes it, a soft violet that hung down to your lower thighs and always felt soft against his chest when he’d hold you – crawling into bed next to him after changing into it, though he’s automatically moving to accommodate you, perfectly content to throw the thick comforter to the floor to be dealt with in the morning.

“Is.. this okay?” Your voice is quiet, so tentative and soft and hesitant, and all he wants to do is tell you yes, this was more than okay, this was everything he had ever wanted.

“Yeah – I mean, it’s your bed, so..” He hates himself for the way he responds, swallowing hard but taking the initiative to slide his arm over your side, nose in your hair. He can feel the way you tense, but you don’t say anything against it or try to pull away. “And.. this? It’s okay too?”

“…it’s okay.” It’s a small response but he inhales deeply in relief, drinking in your scent half by accident. It’s the same smell he had missed for so long, the one he’d dream of and wake up thinking there was a chance it still lingered on his pillow, heart dropping through his ribcage when he realized it wasn’t.

Despite the nerves fluttering in your stomach you fall asleep fast, mentally drained and physically exhausted - his fingers trace the line of your shoulder, head pillowed on his own arm as he watches you sleep. There is a purely warm and happy feeling trying to spread through his body, but it doesn’t make it very far before the remembrance that you still weren’t his and he still wasn’t yours freezes it in its tracks. He feels like his heart is melting, dripping through his ribs and oozing into his stomach and making him sick.

He’s shaking your shoulder before he even knows what he’s doing, and you’re half-awake and groggy but so fucking beautiful and every single one of his nerves feels like a live wire underneath his skin, buzzing and loud and painful, and he is so scared, but he is also tired. Tired of hurting, tired of missing you, tired of the way Kihyun will be talking about you but stop awkwardly when he notices Changkyun listening, tired of the way he smiles so big his cheeks hurt when the two of you talk on the phone, tired of how he swallows down the words “love you” every time you hang up – and he’s fucking tired of being scared most of all.

“Changkyun, you better be fucking dying..” You’re angry, always angry when woken suddenly, and he just wants to kiss you.

‘I love you, I’m stupid, I was scared, I always loved you, I never fucking stopped, did you know I would dream of you? Did you know that you were the only thing on my mind? On plane rides, in the vans, backstage, all I could think about was you and my hyungs all told me I was just hurting myself and I knew that but I still hoped that somehow you and I would end up happy together.’

Like always he can’t say any of it. It sits on his tongue and he just utters a quiet ‘fuck’ instead, throat tight. Why couldn’t he fucking do this?

“..Kyun?” He’s sitting up now, and you are too, side by side – your expression is open, sleepy but worried, and he has a sudden urge to take your face in his hands and kiss your eyelids.

The scariest part of telling the truth, of laying yourself bare for someone, of letting them in, was that they could take one look and never come back. And maybe he’s not afraid of loving you – maybe he’s never been afraid of loving you, with your eyes that hold the only stars he ever wants to look at. Maybe he’s been afraid of not being loved back.

He swallows hard, reaches for every bit of confidence and courage performing has ever given him, forces himself to be brave the way the industry has taught him to be. Moonlight filters in through the window and he thinks your eyes might actually house the milky way in them somehow.

“I love you, still – always. I never stopped.”

He can’t breathe because you’re just looking at him, stunned and disbelieving, tears collecting on your lash-line but not falling, never falling, and he feels like the fucking worst for telling you now, this way, this bluntly – but he knows if he didn’t say anything he would have never said anything, and he’s not sure he could have survived that, so the words had fallen from his lips hard and heavy and desperate to be said. (And a part of him is still surprised he even managed to say them at all, rushed and frantic as they were.)

“I –“ Your brow is furrowed and your voice is thick, but when he reaches to brush your tears away you let him and his lungs start to tentatively fill themselves with oxygen again.

When you smile it is watery and weak but it is there, and he feels like sunlight has reappeared in the lining of his skin, bright and blinding and warm.

#sub!changkyun #sub!monsta x #changkyun x reader #monsta x reactions #monsta x imagines #monsta x scenarios #i don't usually do happy endings but this one just happened #i'm going straight to hell for this

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scftpxnk · 3 years ago

Note

🍒 + my url because god damn i need some rn OTL

I like the emotional range your characters have! I love characters that are emotionally expressive. I see a lot of characters who just tank emotional damages and never really blow up and it's kind of boring? Give me the emotionally charged characters that snap once they've reached their limits and go completely unhinged. That's the good shit.

#{ 𝕆𝕦𝕥 𝕆𝕗 ℂ𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕪 - OOC }#kokorowoutsu

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eiriasu-sometimes · 6 years ago

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[SLBP Headcanon] Ringing in the New Year with You

HI! IT’S THE ~MODERN AU~ NOBODY ASKED FOR AND MY ATTEMPT AT GETTING BACK INTO WRITING!!

Personally, I fell sick on New Years Eve, went to bed around 10pm, and missed the whole thing...... Hopefully, your New Years Eve was more exciting then mine!

Honestly speaking, I just wanted to write a Ieyasu thing. Everyone else came later. OTL I am very biased.

Who do you want to celebrate with?

Featuring the Lords on the Oda side: Ieyasu, Nobunaga, Mitsuhide, Hideyoshi, Toshiie, Mitsunari

Ieyasu

Claims that he wants to spend the time at home, alone

He did ask you to meet at his place though, which means that he at least wants to spend it with you

When you turn up at his door, he surprises you by stepping out instead of inviting you in

Proceeds to drive you to a fancy seaside hotel where he had reserved a nice room for the night

He claims that he won it as a prize from some company lottery, but it’s too convenient and you know better

Before you can squeeze the truth out of him, fireworks explode outside your window

At the same time, he somehow led you to the bed while kissing you in an attempt to distract you

The distraction worked a little too well and both of you end up being too busy to enjoy the rest of the fireworks

(You later find out through a mutual friend that he made the reservation months in advance because he wouldn’t get a room otherwise)

Nobunaga

Likes having a good time, showing everyone a good time, and YOU’RE ALL INVITED TO THE COUNTDOWN PARTY AT HIS HOUSE!!

You were put in charge of the dessert table, and he would smirk with pride whenever someone praised a dessert item

Plays a good host for the first hour or so... Then pulls you aside and asks you to escape the party with him when it’s approaching midnight

“What about our guests?!” “What about them? They’re clearly entertaining themselves.”

Whisks you off for a drive

Ends up parked on a cliff beside a beach somewhere

He pulls you up on the roof of his car to enjoy the sound of the waves, your head rested on his shoulder and his arm around yours

It’s frankly a really peaceful way to start the New Year

Except for when you get back in his car and wow aren’t you thankful that it’s dark out and very isolated where you are

Mitsuhide

Both of you are too old for that outdoor countdown shit™

Instead, both of you unanimously decided a month ago to view the countdown on TV

To make it an extra special night, it was also decided that he would surprise you with dinner, and you’ll surprise him with dessert

It’s honestly a miracle that he managed to keep it a surprise because he would practice the dish over and over again when you’re out, but somehow leaves no evidence

He’ll even throw out the trash before you return just so you wouldn’t find the discarded packaging of the ingredients he’s using

When the day comes, you'll wash the dishes together before snuggling on the couch in front of the TV to watch the countdown

He whispers sweet nothings in your ear as the clock strikes 12

Let’s just say that things got real busy on that couch that night

Hideyoshi

Seems like everyone and their mother wants to invite him to their countdown party since he’s friendly with so many people

Turns everyone down since he’s got plans with you

Plans to watch the fireworks go off over the lake

Knew that it was probably going to get crowded at the waterfront, and so scouted the place without you knowing just to find that perfect spot

Settled on a nice, open space that’s far away enough to not be overly crowded, but still close enough to get a good view

Makes the effort to pick you up from work/home even though you insisted that meeting up at the location is fine

Hits you with a “Happy New Year” and teases you with kisses immediately after the word “zero” leaves your lips

You’re totally spending your first night of the new year at his place

Toshiie

Got invited to a friend’s party and took you as his +1

Somehow got completely smashed when you looked away for a few minutes

Oh he was just playing drinking games but kept losing and even though all his friends were basically begging him to stop drinking, he started talking about HONOR and KEPT DRINKING INSTEAD

(He was probably already drunk and too far gone)

When the countdown started, he found his way to you

Yelled “LOVE YOU!” after ‘zero’, attracting everyone’s attention

Then he proceeds to kiss you

His breath smells like alcohol but the kiss feels great BUT EVERYONE’S LOOKING

HOW ARE YOU EVER GOING TO FACE HIS FRIENDS AGAIN

He says that he does not remember what he did the next day, but you know that he knows

Mitsunari

No parties for him; they’re way too crowded and way too noisy

You know him well enough to understand that it’s just going to be another ordinary day for him... And that’s honestly good enough for you too

He did ask you over to his place, which was a nice surprise

He usually asks to go over to your place

After dinner, he settles down on the couch to read a book, and so you sit down next to him to read yours

However, you notice that he’s pretty distracted and constantly glancing at the clock, even though he’s trying not to let it show

When it’s nearly midnight, he grabs your hand and drags you out to the balcony

Fireworks could be seen in the distance, near the horizon

“Happy New Year,” He mutters shyly as he squeezes your hand

He wanted to show you the view - however limited - he could see every new year from his house; it was definitely better this year

#samurai love ballad party #slbp #slbp headcanon #Tokugawa Ieyasu #Oda Nobunaga #Akechi Mitsuhide #Toyotomi Hideyoshi #Maeda Toshiie #Ishida Mitsunari #voltage #I personally feel too old to be at a party LOL #unless it's a private party where it's just a small group of people

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ryouverua · 7 years ago

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Miu and Co’s Stimulating Virtual Adventures (Part 1)

is this going to be a normal field trip?

WITH KOKICHI OUMA? NO WAY ~ !

insert shuichi groaning

Oh cool we got a whole animated sequence!

I FUCKING KNEW IT

AAAAAAH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

THEY’RE SO FUCKING CUTE WHAT THE HELL

THIS ISN’T WHAT I EXPECTED AT ALL!!!!

Yeah, seriously! I guess I was expecting sprites similar to Hajime’s from last game, or at least an island setting - this really does look like a murder mystery manor! good god we aren’t on rokkenjima are we

I’M SENDING A STRONGLY-WORDED LETTER TO THOSE IN CHARGE

Aaaaw, it’s played off for laughs but it really is sad for K1-b0 to be constantly disparaging himself like that.

But there is good and bad about the new sprites, which someone who has been incredibly aware and sensitive of the changes in his own body probably clued into immediately...

See now that the audience knows, he can slip and say stuff like this out loud, huh? It... almost makes me wish the scene at the end of the last chapter had taken place at the end of this one. That might just be a pacing thing though...

PUSH HIM DAMN IT

PUSH HIM ON IT SHUICHI I BEG YOU

... DAMN IT HE’S NOT PUSHING HIM.

I just realized, we’re going to see a lot more of people’s emotions thanks to the way the sprites work. I wonder if they directly translate to mood? Does that mean Maki and, hell, Kokichi will be more transparent here?

Omfg the literal first thing Kokichi does to K1-b0 is punch him!!! The robophobia never ends...

Wait, question though - how is it connected to K1-b0? I mean blah blah blah, brainwave technological voodoo etc is connecting all the other kids to the helmets, but what about for K1-b0? How does that work? I... guess it’s better not to think about it too hard? 8′D

Man, Iruma’s a lot cuter here too. Also, seems like a good time to mention I’m totally in love with their little headshots at the bottom left with the little animated dialogue bubbles. The others might not like the sprites, but I like it, Miu! Maybe it’s just different when you’re in a 3rd person POV vs 1st person POV?

I love it when Tsumugi goes off like the total fucking nerd she is.

DAMN WE’RE NOT EVEN ON A TROPICAL ISLAND AND PEOPLE ARE STILL GETTING BURNED

LEAVE K1-B0 ALONE KOKICHI JEEZ

So basically they’re leaving the door open for someone to be killed in here. I figured that would be the case...

Kaito is pretty quick on understanding too which I appreciate, considering how they’ve been playing up his ‘brash dumb’ character type up lately.

You are way too happy about that.

Though it also means that if someone dies in here, we’re not going to see any marks left on the body in the real world or here? That’s not good either!

Yeah, that’s... honestly what I’d like to know. Seriously, wouldn’t Miu have found it when recoding everything if it was in here already? And if she did, why wouldn’t she tell them?

I’m telling you, Tsumugi being a snobby nerd will never get old to me. You know she’s got a N64, Super Nintendo, and maybe even older consoles like Atari and Dreamcast tucked away somewhere!

It’s funny - Kokichi doesn’t reference games nearly as much as Tsumugi, but he’s clearly a gamer too. Makes sense I suppose - I always think of a chessboard when I look at his scarf.

I’m sure this info will come in handy, but not sure how yet.

THAT WILL DEFINITELY BE IMPORTANT FOR GONTA-RELATED REASONS

NO DAMN IT STOP DEATHFLAGGING HIM BY NEUTRALIZING HIS ADVANTAGES DAMN IT

This... really sounds like they’re setting up the rules for a murder mystery game...

Maki made an interesting note about the game - when you take physical advantage away and talent in general, it’ll completely change how a killing game would potentially go down. But I mean... wouldn’t that just be battle royal-type slaughter? Not that any kind of killing game can be considered ‘elegant’, but I can’t help but wonder why a brutal option like this is available at all..

Also can I just say the remixed music and the cute little noises when they waddle around... I love this. I love this, guys. Also watching Shuichi run is hilarious tbh.

A wild rarepair Kaito x Tsumugi appears???

I’m telling you, we’re going to be seeing more of everyone’s genuine emotions on their face here! Man, I’m really liking this set up already.

Kokichi is desperate to ship Kaito with anyone other than Shuichi so he can have Mr Detective all to himself

I think it means he falls for Kokichi’s verbal bait way too easily. 8′D But hey, Tsumugi doesn’t seem to be against Kaito’s interest! Not... obviously, anyway. just gonna casually that pairing to the question mark pile...

Yeah, that’s a pretty classic Kokichi move and... that’s... also a really bad idea. Maybe this is a good chance for Shuichi to get to know him in the context of the game as opposed to FTEs?

Okay, is it just me or is he trying to piss Kaito off especially right now??

NO GONTA YOU’RE TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD AND THE ABSOLUTE WRONG CHOICE TO WATCH KOKICHI

fml if Kokichi gets Gonta killed which is where I feel like this is going I will be so upset - but I feel like Kokichi won’t do it himself??? Maybe someone attacks Kokichi and Gonta puts himself in harm’s way instead and dies instead? Like, Kokichi is basically turning Gonta into a goon of his, and we all know what happens in movies and games to the henchmen of ‘Supreme Leaders’...

Honestly guys, how soon do we forget? Are we really going to let them go off together like this? The Bug Meet-and-Greet was literally just a week ago! I know a lot has happened since then, but still!

I do like that both Maki (not included) and Kaito caught on that Kokichi pulled that trick on purpose to have Gonta with him - I just wish they followed up!

On the other hand, we could just as easily get Tsumugi murdering Miu lmao. I’m telling you, if Miu shows up dead...

I didn’t need this in here but I kept it because he’s adorable like this

SHIT THAT’S RIGHT THAT’S HOW MY DOG REACTS WHENEVER HE JUMPS IN THE SNOW I-I mean don’t call Kaito a dog, Maki! That’s not very nice even if it is accurate

Man, I’m starting to wonder if Tsumugi is going to kill Miu here for real 8′D

Always a ray of sunshine, our Sweetcheeks. I’m leaning towards them having some sort of incident happen by the end of this, if not an outright murder. They’re talking too much about how the brain and senses experiencing ‘death’ and causing the body to follow suit for them not to do anything with it. I mean, I guess the exception would be if it’s talking about an overall VR experience like the last game!

So the storage room is pretty much empty and the binoculars can only see as far as the line on the map which Miu is going to explain too. Man, the more things get set up, the more convinced I am that someone isn’t going to make it to the end of the chapter...

Next K1-b0 has an interesting bit of dialogue about how there’s nothing beyond the walls of this world, and how it makes him think about the academy walls. Which... again, I think is leaning towards an apocalyptic world/space scenario? It certainly seems that way to me. It’s interesting to have him point it out though, for some reason. 8′D

I’m 99% sure that’s her default setting, but okay.

weird tangents like this is why I love shuichi

It’s like, a legitimate thing to fixate on and worry about and I totally relate to it but at the same time I’m sure he recognizes how ridiculous it sounds in his head

Isn’t that you? 8′D

oMFG WH A T

WHY ARE YOU DOING HIM WRONG LIKE THIS MIU

MAKI NO I THOUGHT YOUR ROASTING DAYS WERE FINALLY BEHIND YOU

HIMIKO I THOUGHT WE WERE BONDING EARLIER

WE WERE BONDING DAMN IT

I’m shocked that the sprite is able to capture the absolute betrayal on it face but somehow, it does

whispers this is getting its own special post

“Look at my glorious self, doing you the favour of allowing you to prostrate yourself in front of all your classmates!”

Miu you’re making a lot of enemies this chapter, including the sub (lol) protagonist. We've already had one first POV murder - do we really want another one?

That’s going to go missing at some point. If the murder happens, maybe the murderer will grab it and hide it or something?

"Oh, I’ve been lurking here for a while! But I needed some time to come up with my best masochist!Shuichi jokes and lines. You’re not going to hear the end of this for a long time, Masoichi Subhara!”

... or that. could be that too.

Hm, so I guess it’s on the other side of the map. It would be one thing of Kokichi is by himself but Gonta is with him and I trust him way farther than I’d be able to throw him and Kokichi for that matter

KAITO NO YOU’RE MAKING THINGS WORSE

OMFG SHUICHI IS JUST A COMPLETE WRECK AFTER WHAT JUST HAPPENED

And you know Kokichi is totally trying to figure out what he missed, and why all the other classmates are giving the two of them weird looks/snickering...

Oh, and now we’re finally getting to the line shown in the map.

Kokichi are you just trying to cash in some Saiouma chips because you realize how much Saimota happened when you were away with Gonta? 8′D

H-Hey don’t look at me, look at Miu! She started it!

Okay at this point I will be shocked if there isn’t a murder here or some sort of incident causing a murder in the real world.

Also Kokichi you’re way too happy about this...

What are you playing at here man???

And you! Shouldn’t you know where it is since you reprogrammed the whole thing?!?!

Miu and Kokichi are conspiring about something??? Again???

Please don’t fall for it...

..... Yikes. 8′D I-I’ll give it to him because I have a feeling his failing health and the events of last chapter regarding the occult probably have him feeling emasculated.

Yeah, seriously. So Kaito is on the roof, Kokichi is in the salon and... free for all for everything else. Uh, okay....?

IF GONTA FUCKING TURNS UP DEAD KOKICHI I SWEAR I WILL DUEL YOU IN A SHADOW GAME MYSELF duel links has upped my skill somewhat I should be able to hold my own...

Thank goodness for Tsumugi’s odd affinity for Gonta oTL

a) Maybe this is the chance for us to get to know Tsumugi a little better in-game since we’re going to explore the rest of the mansion together

b) Kaito really has no bloody idea how he and Shuichi’s relationship comes off to the rest of their classmates (or maybe he does and he’s a-okay with it)

c) MAKI......

oh no

THAT’S.... NOT..... QUITE IT.....

nothing like the sting of figuring out you’re third-wheeling

This is in no way the game trying to establish groups and/or alibis. Got it.

Left side: Kokichi, Gonta, Kaito, Shuichi, Tsumugi

Right side: Miu, Himiko, Maki, K1-b0. Alright, good to know.

I really don’t need this to be here but the fact that Kaito is so woefully oblivious and also apparently just... completely into Maki as a friend only is hilarious to me. I mean, maybe the game will push more romantic feelings on his side in the last chapter but he’s just coming off as so gung-ho about their friendship without taking it to the next level - it’s just.... so refreshing...

It’s nice to see Kaede always being in his thoughts outside of general ‘I must do this for Kaede! Inspiration via manpain!’ stuff.

FUCK YES I THINK I’M RIGHT ABOUT THE ESCAPISM SECONDARY THEME we’re finally bringing it up in nearly identical words again! sorry tsumugi things aren’t looking good for you mastermind-wise

With that said, of all people, she dismisses it herself. 8′D Maybe if the game had better graphics engine - would that be good enough for you princess???

DANGANRONPA YOU ARE DANCING ON A KNIFE’S EDGE RIGHT NOW

Man I keep dancing back and forth between the idea of her being a victim this chapter and a killer and I just... can’t... decide on one. Ugh. The only thing that keeps me from thinking she’ll be a victim is having Gonta right there, raising just as many death flags as her. I-I guess we’ll find out shortly anyway...

Meanwhile while I ramble, K1-b0 has Priorities

#Shuichi Saihara #Kaito Momota #Miu Iruma #Ryou plays drv3 #Kokichi Ouma #Kokichi Oma #Kiibo #K1-b0 #Keebo #Gonta Gokuhara #Maki Harukawa #Tsumugi Shirogane #I don't know why these are taking so long but this has been haunting my dreams and waking thoughts for the past.... week #omg it's been pretty much a week #meanwhile my #saimota #loving ass cannot be stopped #spoilers #drv3 spoilers

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yujachachacha · 7 years ago

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AWM 2017 recap

Things I saw at AWM today plus some bonus content I was informed of by other attendees of the event (roughly in chronological order):

Cinderella Girls

- I know next to nothing about this series except that Rin and Uzuki and that Love Laika duo are popular yuri ships lol.

- I already forgot their setlist OTL sorry I’d probably remember if I listened to some of their songs again. I think they performed 5? STAR, GOIN…uh…

- They pretty much spoke Japanese the entire time and were impressed that the audience seemed to be following along well despite that.

- They did a live skit or something? They showed clips from the anime(?) for each character and had them read a script live. Was pretty cute.

- Lit songs of the set list: YES PARTY TIME (is…is that the right title lol I just remember screaming those words a lot), and of course their closing song Onegai Cinderella.

- Okay to be exact all the songs were exciting but those two were particularly lit. iM@S songs have somewhat difficult calls (at least compared to Aqours) but those two songs are pretty easy to follow along with for wotaing even if you’re not at all familiar with the series.

- They performed one song I wasn’t familiar with because it wasn’t on the AWM Day 0 fan-compiled playlist nor the CG callbook _(:3 」∠)_ I believe this was one of their opening songs, so I started off the concert vaguely waving my KB and chanting “HAI HAI HAI HAI Uhhhh I don’t know the calls for this OOOH HAI OOOH HAI”, thanks for carrying the rest of us, Producers 👌

- Okay a friend has told me that song is Yumeiro Harmony? RIP.

Wake Up, Girls!

- 6 songs performed: Tachiagare!, Koi? de Ai? de Boukun Desu!, SHOUJO KOUKYOUKYOKU, Beyond the Bottom, 7 Girls War, Gokujou Smile. I…already forgot the exact order of the songs, but I *think* at least the first two are in the right places. Beyond the Bottom was close to the end iirc.

- I watched a grand total of 3 episodes of the anime plus the first movie so I’m not particularly familiar with the series, but I got attached to Minyami…to no one’s surprise lol, she happens to be the character whose image color is yellow and has a “nya” catchphrase 🙃 I screamed whenever she got a solo part she’s so cute aaah

- Mayushii is such a good singer holy fuck, kinda reminds me of a super-ikemen Emitsun (except ever since I saw a niconama of her crying hysterically over a horror game I can’t take her seriously :3c).

- They were saying things about having the audience smile or something as a lead-in into Gokujou Smile lol

- They tried to speak a bit of English, but it was mostly basic stuff. They were cute. :)

- I broke a UG (Ultra Green, the green version of a UO/Ultra Orange - which y'all might be familiar with from Snow halation) for Tachiagare and I lost my shit because Shukamod couldn’t find her UG, and she ended up breaking like 4-6 UBs (Ultra Blue, for songs like KoiAqua and MIRAI TICKET) unintentionally in her frantic search for one before I took pity on her and gave her my spare lol.

- SHOUJO KKK was motherfucking lit, everyone lost their shit at the hips great choreography and deep voices.

- Lowkey sad that they didn’t perform 16 sai no Agape because it’s the first WUG song I knew (thanks to King’s ANiUTa playlist) but I don’t have any complaints about their performance tbh. They are really, really good dancers and Mayushii’s singing is so damn ikemen I died.

- Everyone else in ONIBE was 🍝 for Yoppi lol.

- 15min intermission afterwards.

Walkure

- Only 2 members performed but it was still lit~

- These two are so talented??? The audience (me included) completely lost their shit at Ikenai Borderline.

- Shukamod probably had a good laugh at me screaming shit like “OH MY GOD JUNNA IS 16 HOW TF IS SHE THIS GOOD WHAT AN IKEBO HOLY SHIT”

- oh yeah, setlist…uhhh…also can’t recall the titles from the top of my head, but Ichi Do Dake no Koi Nara was one I remember. Really good song holy mother of god.

- Friends have reminded me that there was 5, and the first song was Koi Halation, other was Bokura no Senjou, and also supplied the title of the last song (I know the calls but not the title lol).

- In the MC, JUNNA and Minori talked about how they were really impressed by the American burgers. They wanted recommendations for more delicious burgers and several people in the audience had to start a chant to help them remember. They started to say McDonald’s and everyone screamed in horror until they eventually caught on that people were chanting “In N Out” lmao.

- They spoke so much Engrish bless these kids

- For the MC before the last song (Run ga Pikatta Hikattara), Minori was trying to teach the audience the call for it and was pleasantly surprised when the audience automatically did the call once she started singing a specific part of the song without her having to spell it out for us. What do you take us for, casuals? >:|

- All the solo parts were done by Minori…dunno if that’s normal but that’s what I noticed ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Aqours

- These are somewhat arbitrary numbers but it seemed like that the audience was made of like 25% CG fans, 10% WUG fans, 5% Walkure fans, and then the rest were there for Aqours. Possibly even more for Aqours, since I saw an insane number of people wearing the caps from the You birthday set lol. I even spotted someone cosplaying Ruby from the recent Time Travel set on SIF, holy shit how did they assemble that costume for AX so quickly… Anyways, of course the entire theater went wild when Aqours was finally up to perform.

- Like for their Christmas minilive and 1st Live, the members entered 1 by 1 through a splash screen introducing their character by default member order (i.e. Chika-Riko-Kanan-Dia-You-etc).

- To no one’s surprise, they started with Aozora Jumping Heart. @saitou-shuka and I were pretty much screaming our hearts out from the start. Shukamod broke a mega UO during Shukashuu’s intro lmao.

- They were wearing their MIRAI TICKET outfits and their set list basically turned out to be almost identical to their ANiUPa setlist.

- MC (member introductions using their standard character speeches e.g. Kanan going “I guess my appeal point is my muscles?”) after Aozora. They went down the line in the order Aikyan-Furirin-King-Rikyako-Anchan-Shukashuu-Suwawa-Arisha-Ainya.

- They didn’t do their call and responses (T_T) and I noticed that right away when Aikyan went into her introduction, so after she finished speaking I screamed “OHAYOSHIKO” and a few people copied me, I think? Me and Shukamod ended up shouting the call & responses before or after each introduction lol.

- Aikyan mentioned that this was her first time in America with Aqours, and when King did her introduction she sounded so smug going “This is my second time zura~~~”

- Rikyako mentioned that this was actually the first overseas performance for Aqours (which I already knew but it’s still cool to be reminded again) and everyone was hyped.

- Screamed a lot during Shuka’s intro RIP my voice.

- Suwawa started her self-intro and forgot what her lines were partway through so we had a good laugh when she went “Eh, nandake?” all of a sudden lol.

- People were cheering loudly for Arisha partway through her introduction, so she shushed everyone and then went “suki” and everyone lost their shit again.

- Ainya is so tiny omg what a shiny smol girl

- I made the resolution to be the American version of that one guy who always screams “AAAAaIiiNYAAAaaaAAa” at Aqours lives, and according to Shukamod I did a pretty good replication of it :3c

- Rikyako and Suwawa were in charge of the English language MC and their English has gotten really, really good holy crap. Only complaint I would have was the line “Let’s enjoy with us!” (should be something like “Let’s have fun together” or w/e), but their pronunciation and speed were godly. Both spoke a lot, but Rikyako in particular was really active in repeating stuff said in Japanese into English.

- Ainya was really clingy with Arisha lol I don’t remember which MC it was during but Ainya kept hugging Arisha and stuff lol

- Rikyako then said that the next song would be from their first single and everyone got hyped for KimiKoko.

- SHUKA LEAPFROG IN HER MIRAI TICKET OUTFIT WOOHOO SEEING IT LIVE WAS WILD

- KOIAQUA AFTERWARDS WHOOOOOOO SHUKA’S DANCING WAS SO GOOD!!! Also according to some people in other seats there were some audience members who were doing the “IE TAIGAAAA” calls for this song 🙃 Shukamod and I each broke a handful of UBS for this of course haha

- Another MC/small break afterwards! Furirin did that routine she always does at Aqours lives where she suddenly collapses and asks if she can have a water break lol is this gonna be a regular routine now?

- SHUKA ACCIDENTALLY TOOK ANCHAN’S BOTTLE AND FLAILED AND SAID SOMETHING LIKE “OH NO I DRANK SO MUCH OF CHIKA-CHAN’S WATER”

- MIRAI TICKET was announced as the Ep 13 insert song to be performed next! It was fun breaking out the UOs and UBS for this song too~ The “we say yousoro” part was of course enthusiastically screamed by all the You fans in particular o7

- Surprise song Yume Kataru yori Yume Utaou! They brought out pom poms too! Ainya and Arisha had a really cute hug in this song :D According to others apparently the 1st years were also super clingy and were doing lots of group hugs and stuff

Miscellaneous

- I spotted someone trying to record a part of the concert in the beginning and got really mad and pointed it out to the members of ONIBE I was sitting with. We screamed something like “HEY FUCKER YOU WITH THE CAMERA STOP FUCKING RECORDING” at him after the song, which caused a lot of stares but did achieve the effect of getting him to stop.

- When Aqours finished, Anchan became the MC for the closing speeches at the end.

- Minori had a paper at the closing MC with a speech written in English on it lol. She tweeted a picture of it after the performance, but basically it’s something along the lines of “Thanks everyone, In n Out burgers No. 1!!!” lmao

- JUNNA couldn’t come on stage at the closing MC with all the artists at the end because minors (JUNNA is 16) aren’t allowed to work after 10pm lmao, I had been so confused and concerned until that announcement was made and then I just cracked up.

- I saw Anchan making an adorable pouty face during one of the other groups’ closing speech aaaah so precious.

- Furirin and Shukashuu were doing small “ganbaruby” motions off to the side bless these two :’D

- King kept doing the Ohanamaru pose too lol

- Apparently for the VIP meet & greet after the concert, someone did a “hagu shiyo” with their friend in front of Suwawa, and in response Suwawa did it too with Shukashuu.

- Sosa (Korean Twitter artist famous for their NozoEli video comic of Garasu no Hanazono) was apparently at AWM today…AND RECEIVED A CALLBOOK FROM ONIBE. I MIGHT HAVE WALKED PAST ONE OF THE KOREAN ARTISTS WHO’VE I’VE TRANSLATED FOR. I MIGHT HAVE EVEN HANDED ONE TO THEM. WHAT THE HELL??

#love live! sunshine!!#love live sunshine #aqours #awm2017 #ax2017 #wake up girls!#cinderella girls #walkure #seiyuu #my ramblings #gonna jot this down while it's still fresh in my head #im already forgetting stuff fml #hopefully I can remember some more things later...?#apologies for formatting I'm on mobile #I fucking screamed about Sosa reeee #the other ONIBE members were like 'omg stfu yuja u sound like ur dying r u ok'#rushed onto twitter once I found out to tweet at Sosa lol #based on Sosa's reply I...might have sounded a bit too creepily desperate whoops;;;

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dalrynne · 7 years ago

Note

1, 8, 11, 14, 15, 17, 24, 32, 33, 37, 28, 39, 40

OMG IM SO SORRY FOR NOT ANSWERING THIS ASK UNTIL NOW AJSDKHAD

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.

omg idek which movie i would consider my favorite movie... but i think i have this reoccurring feeling of “OMG that was the best movie ever!” whenever i have a new fav movie hahahaha

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.

hmm i guess i’d say my fashion sense? i’ve worked quite hard for a long time to get where i am now (i think my style is pretty good now) and tbh it’s one of my fav compliments to receive! i’m still working on expanding my wardrobe and building on it; there’s always room for improvement~

11: Talk about the best dream you've ever had.

i think i would have to say the one where i met my ultimate fav celebrity/singer, kyuhyun cho from super junior! in my dream he even touched me and i remember even feeling the warmth of his touch... it was such a vivid dream LOL i still remember it even tho its been so long?

14: Talk about a vacation.

the vacation that lasts the most in my mind is probs the most recent one. i went to greece during spring break with a friend this year! tbh it wasn’t as fun as it could have been bc the weather was cold and bc it was easter, everything was closed for several days and at night it was really scary bc there were all these men hanging around outside, smoking and staring us down. but it was also really fun bc i got to see the beautiful ocean. the best part was going horse-back riding for the first time!! omg it was such a great experience bc i’ve loved horses ever since i was young but i had never been able to ride one (besides this one time when i was like 5 at a petting zoo or something). shoutout to kayli for making that happen omggg

oh man, now i want to talk about my trip to paris with a different friend and met a couple of my internet friends, but i guess that’s a different story hehe (if you wanna hear about it, hmu tho!)

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.

oh shit LOL have i Ever been fully content in my life ahaha... i honestly can’t really remember? probably when i was younger...? or perhaps now??? idk man.

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.

tbh lately, i’ve been feeling kinda antisocial... i don’t really have a desire to make new friends or get closer to some friends/acquaintances bc i feel so drained? i feel this way especially towards internet friends tbh bc i feel like we’re never going to meet anyway so why put in so much effort. ugh, i know thats horrible and i don’t want to feel this way but :’) alas. maybe its bc i’ve been feeling kinda insecure lately too? LOL idk. but i do want to befriend my crush tho... bc if i befriend him, maybe it’ll develop into something more~

24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.

oh wow, hmm. i’ve been told that i’m stylish and have a good sense of humor, which are some of my fav compliments hehe. like when someone actually thinks/says that i’m funny, i’m really happy! i can’t really remember anything else atm but haha i’m sure there were some other things?

28: Talk about your fetishes.

LMAOO OMG AJDKAHSDASD i ummm... idek what qualifies as a fetish, like is it just a kink? are those the same things?? do i even have those????? i guess i’m kinda into bondage tho, probs light hahaha

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.

i grew up in indiana and i had really fond memories of it. i moved to nyc in the middle of 3rd grade and it was really hard adjusting at first. but now i’m a new yorker so LOL. i remember indiana being almost this enchanted place bc i felt so free there. i could ride my bike with my friends until the sun went down (that was like 8pm in the summer) and i barely got any hw which was lit. (stranger things makes me feel really nostalgic bc its supposed to be set in indiana and i used to bike around with my friends all the time too hehe)

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.

hmm, this is a very good question bc i honestly hardly know what to do with myself when i’m sad and i just feel like i wanna die a lot of the time tbh HAHA. but i’ve been trying to find healthier coping mechanisms to do when i’m sad... like i usually try to distract myself by listening/watching shows or movies or whatever. or try to hang out with my friends. or sometimes i just go to bed early by getting myself very very sad by listening to sad songs and thinking of things to upset myself further and then cry myself to sleep. that actually works quite well bc i wake up and feel refreshed most of the time? haha

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.

huh. was i ever really truly in love tho LMAO... i suppose the closest thing to that was with my latest ex. our relationship was so short-lived and hes lowkey kinda psycho so um Yikes. i’m glad i didn’t get back with him bc hes obviously not good for me. there were some red flags but i just ignored them OTL. but well, he was sweet and it was nice while it lasted but hmm, Yikesss.

39: Talk about things you wish you'd known earlier.

omggg ok i wish i knew sooner that you need to play an active role in your life or else you’re going to be very unhappy and feel really hopeless. listen, you are in charge of a good portion of your life; your decisions and efforts are important. if you want something, go get it!! you can’t cry and complain about things yet never try to do something about it. but on the other hand, there are some things in life that you can’t change. somethings just happen and the best you can do is deal with them to the utmost of your abilities. there’s this delicate balance of determinism and free-will. but its always better to try and fail than never try and regret it.

40: Talk about the end of something in your life.

the end of high school was really nice i think. i was really excited for freshman year of uni in london bc i had never been out of the country before and i’ve been interested in britain since i was really young! i was hopeful for the new people i’d meet and the cool new things i’d experience. it was kinda disappointing but it was still a great experience i think haha. i definitely grew and matured as a person, which i’m really happy about.

thank you to the anon who sent me this ask!! i’m sorry again about the late reply ;;;

if you’d like to send me more, here is the post!

#anon #Anonymous

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ddtriohub · 7 years ago

Note

☠: Something you dislike about your fandom && ☄: A doubt you have about your writing

Taken from meme: [x] ||Accepting|| ((Guess who was almost done with this answer to have accidentally clicked on the wrong thing and I had to write it all over again? Just shoot me))

☠: Something you dislike about your fandom

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL WHAT FANDOM? IS IT ALIVE? DOES IT HAVE A PULSE? DOES IT EVEN EXIST? lol but seriously. The fandom is small. I don’t even know if there is even one still around right now. That’s how small it is. If I dislike something it would be that. If not that, then perhaps the fact that people can get uppity about Shugarl’s hair color because of cover art. LOOK, then tell me which you like purple, or green-blue? Two different cover appearances (one being an inside cover flap) show different colors. Both only showed once. Which is the true canon? The first appearance or the next one? Hm? How about, I will happily with the good majority of the fandom accept and believe the third red-brown hair color because his screen tone is the same as another character who has red hair. Yep. That’s my story and i’m sticking with it.

((BOOOYYYY GET READY FOR A RIDE. This got long so I need to use a readmore. Read on if you wanna. I added random fun trivia.))

☄: A doubt you have about your writing

LOLOLOLOL did you mean everything about it? Okay but seriously, if I were asked if I like my writing style, my answer would be no. I don't like it. There's just a lot to it that I just don't like. For one thing, i'm very repetitive, especially with my words/wording choices. It makes things more monotonous. It's quite frankly boring. It also doesn't flow well. It makes things feel a lot more... I dunno, constrained? Like you can't branch out more. Expand the horizons so to speak. I really don't like how inflexible my writing style seems to be.

I really need to learn more vocabulary and the like. That would certainly help my case out some. Now for the thing I really dislike about my writing style: details and descriptions. What are those? Do they exist? I really struggle with details and writing out descriptions. I'm so bad at them. I often forget about em. It makes it harder for the reader to tell what's goin on. You can't really immerse yourself in the world when you can't really envision things. It makes my writing harder to really get engrossed with. It can make the reader lost. Then on top of it, a lot of my style is pretty repetitive? That gets boring really quick.

Honestly this is one reason why I think a lot of people just eventually get tired of my writing. Maybe they just got tired of Haru, there is also that. //shrugs (I shrug but really i'm crying inside it's okay) Anyways that's besides the point. I just don't like my style. It's just-- I don't like it. I've been struggling with it for years and it's gotten much better but it's still just-- really bad? I always tell myself to work on vocabulary and I still fail at it. LOLOLOLOLOL as for descriptions and stuf... I try to remember it. I do. I just fail. OTL I just am so bad at it. I just don't know how to write out descriptions as I often don't think much about their surroundings.

With my muses, I tend to focus more on their mental state and their emotions. I don't really think about how they're moving or what they may be looking at or smelling. Which is why this element is often missing in my writing style. There is a lack of sensory elements-- and I hate that about my style. It makes it more bland.

Now, does that mean I hate my writing? No. I actually quite like my writing. I throw in a bit of my own humor into my writing. I sometimes slip a bit of my personanlity with my sassy lil remarks. Like when I say things like 'Excuse as Vasco is confused and will need you to spell things out for him.' 'Oh joy, he speaks!,' etc. I personally enjoy my humor so I often read a lot of my things and laugh at my own humor. Yeah, i'm one of those people. I laugh at my own jokes. lol sue me.

Now, I throw in a bit of what I do in my writing to make things a bit personal but with rp'ing, I also really like to put the personality of my character into my writing. I like to throw in some nuances characteristic of my muses. (if anyone starts staring at my Haru blog, in my defense Haru is a standalone and she's my chill blog and I like being more versatile as it's an indie so it's better to be flexible. In a group I can afford to be more uniform and stagnant with my ways. That's my story and i'm sticking with it)

ANYWAYSSSSS!!! The way I throw in my humor into threads with my muses depend on the muse. Mizumachi has more absurd humor, Ponsol and Shugarl are more ... well... rude lol. Vasco is just humor based off his naivette and the like. Just lil stuff here and there. I don't wanna go into details on that.

Now, how do I put the personality of my character in my writing? Well for one thing, if anyone has noticed, the way I write out monologues and tell 'the story' is different for each muse. I try to avoid big and complex words for Mizumachi and Vasco because they probably won't even know what it means. So in their monologues and the like I try to stick with more simpler words. However with the Geripeta's I try to use more complex vocabulary if I can (with my limited word pool lol). Dongmin I feel like he's at least average so I kind do whatever with him. I try to be careful with the words that I use on all my muses.

This is also why you see me using a lot of dynamic words with Mizumachi because he's very dynammic and he's always just screaming lol. Ponsol is super sassy and rude so a lot of his monologues and thoughts are rude. Vasco like never swears so I NEVER swear in his threads. EVER. The Geripeta's don't give a flying shit, so they cuss if they want to. Shugarl tries not to though. Ponsol only does so inwardly in his thoughts because he's a hella bitter person. XD

Now let's talk about FORMATTING. Yes, I put thought into those as well:

Vasco is a boy who abides by the rules. He will not break the rules (aside from the tattoos but that was for a very good reason). As such, for his dialogue, the first line is always indented 7 spaces while the subsequent ones are 8-9 (sometimes an extra space is needed to line things up properly). ALWAYS. I will not break that rule. No matter what. It doesn't matter how short or long the thread is, i'll keep the space rule. He's just that stubborn and a good boy who listens to rules.

Shugarl is not much of a talker. He can talk a good amount at times if he feels inclined but he's pretty much a curt talker? Like his sentences aren't too long. So to ensure that I don't go too long-winded, I use the escalator kinda format to help keep me in line. It also shows just how short his sentences are.

Ponsol likes control. He likes to be in charge of things and is well you know, a jerk. the reason why his stuff is justified is to really show how he likes control and for things to be neat and orderly. If it's justified, things look neat on both ends. It's pretty ahrd to make things even you know? With this, it shows that he likes order as much as he likes to have full control of what he is saying. Everything he says for the most part (unless his temper got in the way) is caculated. Carefully chosen for a good effect. As this is the case, what better shows careful planning than justified dialogue text?

Mizumachi is super dynamic ya know? He's very bouncy and he speaks very animatedly too. What better way to show that than to use italics, lower, and upper styles? Now the way I style his dialogue text:

text text text text text tex text text text

is because it looks like a wave. He loves swimming and the ocean. He may have quit the swim club in favor of football but he still incorporates swimming (in some weird way) into his football. It's a big part of him. He loves the water. As such, it only makes sense to me, to make his dialogue flow like a wave. It's also a great throwback to his days in Kyoshin Poseidon.

Dongmin is a guy who is responsible and full of honor, but he's also very easy going. He likes to go with the flow and he pretty much can be made to do anything-- if you are the right person. Like his female childhood friend can make him do just about anything for her. Beat up this person for you? Okay, I won't ask. I'll do it. What? Don't beat him up? Okay, whatever you say. Huh? Stay away from this guy because he's yours? Okay. I'll be careful. Of course he's still got his own mind and what not. She's just special. He's just very easy going for the most part, but he's brave and bold. He's strong and he knows it. He's very confident in himself, therefore his dialogue text is BOLD. As he's just easy going and goes with the flow, that's also one reason why I don't have his separated from the rest of the text. I add it with the rest. Still, he's got a part of him that is responsible and he does adhere to most rules so that's why I start with a 7 space lead off.

Is this rather extra of me? Perhaps. I find it a lot of fun though? It gives more character and personality to the characters. It helps me to connect to them and so it's easy for me to write them. It's also a lot harder for me to mess up and accidentally write as another character. By having special formats, i'm very heavily aware of who i'm replying as. So I won't accidentally answer a Shugarl thread as I would a Mizumachi one and vice-versa. I may still accidentally reply on the wrong blog but hey, what can you do.

I honestly love my characters very much and I really prioritize my characterization. These kinds of things just make it more personal and fun in my opinion. I just do it even though it sometimes makes me wanna cry. (LOOKING AT YOU, MIZU!!!!) Though most of all it really is just so I don't mess up and reply as a wrong character type. They're all different in their own ways so I can't mess up their personalities.

I'm just very serious about my characters because I love them so much. I would not have chosen them if I didn't love them or have a lot of confidence in being able to write them. With all the effort and time I put into them, it makes me feel a bit more involved and serious about what I do. I really love all my muses and thus i'm willing to go this far for them. It's a lot of fun for me. It helps me connect to them on an emotional level.

Everything just helps aid to the whole thing of making it seem like my characters are more alive. Sucks because I focus so much on emotion I forget about scenery and the like-- whoops. So that's really how I do things. It's fun and it's just my personality type to take things seriously. It helps me not mess things up. It helps me connect to my muses and love them more. It helps me understand them and learn more about them.

I take characterization really seriously and as you can see I take my muses very seriously. This is why I can get really upset very easily if anyone undermines this. I also take huge offense to people rushing me. Do NOT rush me. If I think you are trying to rush me into a relationship, i'll be pissed. I love character development and I personally hate being rushed. It's just my personality and how i've been raised. Always being rushed, therefore, I hate it.

NO, I haven't really seen this in the group. I'm mainly talking in terms of Haru's blog. I've seen it a lot on there and no. I can't. Now it's fine if you like taking things more fast paced. Totally okay! You do you! I just don't like it. Unfortunately i'm also just really slow paced. I'm very very slow. lol. So if you plan on shipping with me it'll be a slow process for sure. I love development. I personally don't agree with shipping so quickly. To me, there isn't enough character development and therefore it's not fun for me.

I nEEEEEEDDd development to be happy. I love to see characters grow. I love to see a relationship form. I love to ensure in thread form that chemistry is there. It's just so much fun! Working with a partner to come up with a story. It's a lot of fun and rushing it takes the fun out of it. Especially if it's for smut. Haru's blog has seen so much like dude we just met and you're already trying to get into her skirt? Let me just kill this thread real quick.

I'm rambling too much. Basically, I take things super seriously because it's a lot of fun for me and I am just a serious person in general? I want to do the best that I can do. I want to be the best that I can be. I want for others to learn more about characters and possibly love my muses--- AND THEREBY CHECK OUT THE SERIES THAT THEY ARE FROM SO THAT YOU CAN CRY ALONG WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously please more people need to get into Manhwa and the like. PLEASE. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. RRRAAAAAAAAAAWWWRR!!!!! (Why yes all in all it's a selfish reason but shhh)

I just hope people have fun with it all. People may not notice all the work I put into things, but that's okay. I have fun with it. If I can't have fun, how can I be sure my partner will have fun? RP'ing is a partnership and if both people aren't happy the thread will not be healthy.

So if you want to thread with someone serious lol i'm your girl! I am slow though because I love development.

#RTRP meme #anonymous ask #answered ask #meme answered #thanks for the ask!#Neo speaks #Anonymous

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