#to be honest i should break down song lyrics & what they mean to me WAY more because music is one of my favorite interests

[strellunas]

Damage Gets Done, to me, is such a visceral experience to southern living as a minority. 18 years of isolation in a nowhere town (it's the comforts that make us feel numb) where the closest city is an hour away. Where I travel 80 minutes roundtrip just to get an education, driving hours to chase any experience (we'd go out with no way to get home). 18 years of being shown that the way I am human is so inherently different than the way everyone else is human (being blamed for a world we had no power in). Being left to wilt so young when I continue to strive for something better for myself, chasing wonders, sharing dreams of selfishly abandoning what I've always known with the less than a hand's count of people I could trust (I swear goodwill kept up the engine). I don't know, it always makes me cry when I'm listening to it on long drives back from something greater, a world just out of reach that I've longed for as long as I've been alive (All I needed was someone when the whole wide world felt young). There's this feeling of desire, & love, & greed, & guilt.

[pretty-blkgirl]

Miserable

//fem!reader x idol!Han//

Synopsis: You see a picture of a gorgeous woman and a man that looks like Han, so you try and confront him.

Genre: Angst

Warnings: reader is described as a woman, yelling, Han has a tantrum (?)

A/N: I literally just listened to Han’s new song and RUSHED to write this. When you read you may catch a couple of the lyrics in there 👀

Listen to:

~~~~|~~~~

“Get away from me Han,” You say, snatching your hand from his grip and jogging to your bedroom. He runs after you, grabbing at your shirt to slow you down.

“Baby please” He sobs, “I swear it’s not what you think. I swear it wasn’t me”

He’s in hysterics. Crying so loud that you can’t even hear yourself think. Someone had sent you a picture of what looked to be Han and another woman getting cozy in a club.

When you confronted him he only laughed at you. In his mind, you were ridiculous for even thinking he would cheat on you. He was obsessed with you, and you knew that.

You just wanted to have an honest conversation about everything. The guy in the photo looked similar to Han but you knew deep down that wasn’t him, still, you wanted to confront your lover just to be sure.

This was one of those moments where you needed reassurance. He had millions of people who were falling at his feet every day. He could have anyone he wanted. So, when you saw the picture and you saw how gorgeous that woman was- it kinda spooked you.

Even if you believed it wasn’t him, you just wanted to hear him confirm that he’d never do that.

Unfortunately, he didn’t react how you thought he would. You knew he would have been a little taken aback by the sudden accusation but you didn’t know he’d start laughing in your face while calling you “crazy” and “delusional”

“Be serious” He chuckled, snatching your phone to look down at the picture, “That doesn’t even look like me. Plus, I hate clubs AND whenever I’m not with the guys, I’m with you.”

You nodded silently and reached for your phone, to where he only held it in the air where you couldn’t reach it

“I can’t believe you even brought this bullshit to my attention. Do not trust me?”

“It’s not that” You quickly say, “I just needed to hear you deny it. That’s all”

He laughed more. Finally, giving your phone back before looking you up and down

“You must be cheating, with all this projection going on.”

You were shocked, “Excuse me?”

“I mean, why else would you show me this bullshit? Tell me, who’s in your head right now? Someone other than me?”

That comment hurt you. You understood if he was upset at you, but did he have to react this way?

You weren’t even accusatory when you brought it up. You started off by telling him you loved him but wanted him to be honest. Why was he being so hostile?

You were feeling a bit insecure, and you just wanted the truth.

The nonsense continued as you started to zone out. He shouldn’t be talking to you like this, even if he was upset with you.

Again, it’s not like you thought that was him, but your insecurities got the best of you. You couldn’t help but ask him, you needed to know he only had eyes for you.

But seeing how he reacted -how childish he was being, and how he was speaking so terribly to you- you started to doubt the relationship.

“Let’s take a break” You mumble. Walking away as Han was in the middle of a rant. As if a flipped switched, his rude and disrespectful attitude turned into an apologetic and regetful one.

“What? A break? A break for what? Baby that’s not me, I already told you that”

You ignored his pleas to talk this out. You tried to talk, but he wasn’t having it. Why should you hear him out?

He grabbed and held onto you while you tried to get to the bedroom. You could already feel the tears starting to wet your shoulder as he hugged you tightly from behind.

“Move Han,” You say, trying to wiggle out of his grasp

That went on for a while, him crying and begging you to stop while you made your way to the room. When you finally got in there, he was nearly screaming as you began to pack a bag.

“BABY NO” He yells, causing you to jump in surprise, “DON'T LEAVE ME. I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU.”

You continue to pack as he goes to your side and drops to his knees. His face is wet with tears and his lip is quivering slightly as sobs continue to pour from his mouth.

“I WAS NEVER OUT WITH THAT WOMAN. I ONLY WANT YOU. YOU’RE THE ONLY GIRL I’D EVER WANT. I SWEAR IT WASN’T ME”

You still ignored him and managed to get three days worth of clothes in your small suitcase. You planned to stay at your parent’s house.

You set your suitcase on the bed and walked to the bathroom to grab soap and your toothbrush. While you were out, Han started to put all your clothes back in the drawer. You only rolled your eyes when you saw what he was doing.

“Stop Han. Just let me go”

“Baby that wasn’t me!”

“Okay, and?” You say, causing him to give a confused look through his tears, “I get that you’re upset that I brought this up, but the way you talked to me was not warranted”

“Baby please, I’m sorry. I was just mad and wanted to hurt you because you hurt me!”

You groan, “Even if you’re mad, you communicate. How dare you call me crazy and all that other shit? Laughing in my face? Then accused me of being a cheater?”

“Y-You accused me!?”

“I asked if that was you, all I needed was a no. I just needed the reassurance, but you decided to be a fucking asshole”

You went back to your drawers and pulled out your clothes again. His screams started back up when you were fully packed.

“Y/N I'M SORRY. I’LL NEVER TALK TO YOU LIKE THAT AGAIN. I’LL NEVER MAKE FUN OF YOUR FEELINGS AGAIN!”

“Mhm” You shrug, rushing to the front door, “We’ll talk about our relationship when I get back”

“Baby don’t go away”

He grabs your suitcase, preventing you from leaving. You let out an exhausted sigh and turned to look at him. His eyes were already bloodshot. His shirt had streaks of tears staining it, and his hair was all disheveled from running his fingers through it.

“I’ll be miserable without you. I can’t function without you. We can work through this. Just don’t leave me. I can’t even handle you being gone for a few minutes, never mind a couple of days”

You sigh, thinking over the conversation in your head. You were taught to never allow disrespect, and you two were usually good about being aware of one another’s feelings.

You upset him, which you understood.

He shouldn’t have said what he said though.

You were conflicted for a few seconds but decided to leave so you could clear your mind.

“We’ll talk later.” That was all you said as you let go of the suitcase and walked out the door.

It took everything in him not to run after you, but he was content knowing you’d be back.

He sunk to the floor, weeping silently and counting down the seconds until you returned to him.

[ambernotember]

a chance to be your last - a bucktommy makeup playlist

This playlist is roughly divided into Tommy (songs 1-8), Evan (songs 9-22), Pining (songs 23-35), Getting Back Together (songs 36-56)

Titles and lyrics below the cut (it's pretty long my friends!) and if you listen to it in order, the very last lyrics you'll hear are "Testing, testing, I'm just suggesting / You and I might just be the best thing"

Tommy

Good as Gold, Greyson Chance I know you're hurting, and you're feeling sore / I know it hurts when you don't know where to go

Surrender My Heart, Carly Rae Jepsen But the benefit of all the broken hearts / That I broke before they could break me / Is a little bit of life regrets

Want You Back, HAIM I'll take the fall and the fault in us / I'll give you all the love I never gave before I left you

Let's Get Lost, Carly Rae Jepsen I was never one to want to / Put my trust in someone else completely / And I was always one to want to up and run / When someone said they needed me

Life We've Built, Emily James and Portair But I will know you always / If your air leaves my lungs / To lose is still to love / And I will feel you always

Everything I Had, Sub-Radio Everything I had / I want it, I want it, I want it back / I want it, I want it, I want it back / Anyway, I'm a mess if you can't tell / Getting older, ain't it real swell?

So Good Right Now, Fall Out Boy Drifting from the start, I ripped myself apart / I'll be whatever you need me to be, you need me to be / I cut myself down, cut myself down / To whatever you need me

Lover Come Back, City and Colour I'll never be as good as I'd like to be / Eternally restless, refusing to believe / But I think that we missed our connection (missed our connection) / I wanted to feel your affection (feel your affection) / Until my final day

Evan

Appreciated, Rixton 'Cause it's you who takes care of everyone else / You need to allow me to help / You are appreciated

I Really Like You, Carly Rae Jepsen Oh, did I say too much? / I'm so in my head / When we're out of touch / I really, really, really, really, really, really like you / And I want you, do you want me, do you want me, too?

Are We a Thing, Leidi And I was hooked on a different vibe / You came along and caught my eye / Now, all I want is you and I

Mess It Up, Gracie Abrams How could I think that all that I gave you was enough? / 'Cause every time I get too close, I just go mess it up

Hurt Somebody, Julia Michaels and Noah Kahan 'Cause it hurts when you hurt somebody / So much to say but I don't speak / And I hate that I let you stop me

Never Should Have Let You Go, Simple Plan So tell me what to do to make you change your mind / I wish that I could find a way to turn back time / 'Cause life's just not the same since you've been gone

Calling It Love, Devil and the Deep Blue Sea Did you find the answer, have you heard enough / Did I say too little, did I think too much / Is it written or did you just make it up / Are we flying, are we falling, are we calling it love?

Somebody to You, The Vamps ft. Demi Lovato I used to be so tough / Never really gave enough / And then you caught my eye / Giving me the feeling of a lightning strike (yeah, you)

Means Something, Lizzy McAlpine Every time I think too much / It ends up crazy / But I don't know how to not think about you / Every time I trust my gut / I think I'm crazy

not going anywhere, Luz No one's ever known me like you do / Promise you don't have to be scared / I'm not going anywhere

Pablo Picasso, Matt Nathanson Now I'm out loud, proud / I'm swinging in your atmosphere / You set the bar, broke every record / Love like that changed me forever / Honest to god, pure work of art

Odds, Yu Ishii What are the odds that you stay here longer cause / 99 miles don't seem too far if that means / That we don't have to be apart

feels like, Veronica North I can feel you reaching out to hold my hand / There's never been anyone who understands me / Like you do, like you do

Trial Run, Meredith Shock Oh I wish you didn't say you had to be alone / And on your own / Without me / Oh I wish you didn't leave

Pining

Pennsylvania Skies, Lullanas Old flame / Why you gotta drive me insane? / Why you gotta drive me mad? / I thought I put you out / And now you're back

Keep Me Crazy, Sheppard It was love in a minute, God, I admit it / Let's make a break for the door / Be my baby / Keep me crazy, woah, oh oh, uh!

I'll Be There, Jess Glynne When all the tears are rolling down your face / And it feels like yours was the only heart to break / When you come back home and all the lights are out / And you're getting used to no one else being around

Anything To Be With You, Carly Rae Jepsen I feel like I know love / Some second chance almost slipped away / When it comes to me, boy / Fallin' for you is never over

On My Way, Sheppard It's like I'm burning from inside out and I / I think I know who to blame / We are the fever that's wild and dangerous / And I wanna dance in the flame

Redwoods, Logan Hill If you wanna be together / I think I know a place where we can go / And turn it into our place / I can take you to the redwoods

Western Wind, Carly Rae Jepsen Comin' in like a western wind / But could you give me peace of mind? / If I return to you in time, my golden arrow

Daylight, Taylor Swift I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you / I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you / I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night / And now I see daylight, I only see daylight

The Roads, Jonah Kagen These roads are changing me /But they all lead back to you / 'Cause you're still in my skin

Cross My Heart, Marianas Trench And I do want to show you / I will run to you to you till I / Can't stand on my own anymore / I cross my heart and hope to die

Lonely With Me, Parachute Baby, you should never be lonely / But, baby, if you're gonna be lonely / Be lonely with me

Little Too Much, Natasha Bedingfield Everybody hurts just a little too much / Everybody hurts but it's never enough / It's wonderful to fall, let's love and risk it all / I'd rather love just a little too much

Come On Get Higher, Matt Nathanson I miss the sound of your voice / And I miss the rush of your skin / And I miss the still of the silence / As you breathe out and I breathe in

Getting Back Together

Never Gonna Let You Down, Colbie Caillat If you need someone to believe in / If you're reaching for a hand to guide you home / Just take my hand and I won't let you go / I hope you know

I Love You Will Still Sound the Same, Oh Honey So when our eyes have seen their better days / And our hearing starts to fade / Put your arms 'round my neck, and your heart on my chest / "I love you" will still sound the same

This Love (Taylor's Version), Taylor Swift This love is good / This love is bad / This love is alive back from the dead, oh, oh, oh / These hands had to let it go free, and / This love came back to me

Something I Need, OneRepublic With broken words I've tried to say / "Honey don't you be afraid / If we got nothing, we got us"

Peach New Am, Emily James Now that you really know me / We’re singing like it’s karaoke / Dancing like the only ones here / Now that you really know me / You took my worries took my lonely

Steady as Stones, Woodlock So I'll be patient / I think you're worth waiting / And fighting for

Far Away, Carly Rae Jepsen I'd give this love a second try / First, I just imagined all your qualities and that's my fault / But if you could put my feet back on the ground / We could try to introduce ourselves

Without You, Parachute Doesn't matter where I go / Doesn't matter if I run / We were always gonna get too close / We were always gonna fall in love

This Time Around, Charlotte Leigh You make it easy / When you kiss me / Both feet in instead of one foot out / And I keep falling / Think I'm all in / Just so glad I didn't overthink this time around

Black and White, Niall Horan I want the world to witness / When we finally say, "I do" / It's the way you love / I gotta give it back to you

House Key, Scott Helman I want a back splash and a house cat / I wanna make a home for you / I want a TV and a Settee / I wanna live alone with you

Begin Again, Colbie Caillat| Yes, I know we've said a lot of things / That we probably didn't mean / But it's not too late to take them back / So, before you say you're gonna go / I should probably let you know / That I never knew what I had

I'll Get the Coffee, Kathryn Gallagher I didn't know that it could be easy / I didn't know that it could be good / Darling, you make it so easy / You make it so good

The Loneliest Time, Carly Rae Jepsen Then you spoke the words to me / When you left, I still need to unpack it / Let's save sorry for another night / 'Cause this time, love, we're gonna get it right

Still Into You, Paramore It's not a walk in the park / To love each other / But when our fingers interlock, / Can't deny, can't deny you're worth it / 'Cause after all this time I'm still into you

Weathervane, Hunter Metts You point / I follow / Left or right I’ll go either way / Or we could hold on till tomorrow / Cause the rain will come but your love won’t change / You’ll always be my weathervane

Tightrope, Nia Hendricks I won't make you stay / But I'll walk the line until it breaks / It's a risk I have to take / I know that we're not perfect / But we're gonna work it out

Best of You, Andy Grammer 'Cause the best of me loves the best of you / And all the rest, I can see right through / You trust in me and I'll trust you too / 'Cause the best of me, loves the best of you

Love They Say, Tegan and Sara First time you held my hand I knew I was meant for you / First time you kissed my lips I knew I was meant for you

Up, Olly Murs ft. Demi Lovato Hold on to what you're feeling / That feeling is the best thing / The best thing, alright / I'm gonna place my bet on us / I know this love is heading / In the same direction / That's up

Haven't Had Enough, Marianas Trench We just got the start wrong / One more last try / I'ma get the ending right

[slugtranslation-hypmic]

Hey Slug! Now that all snippets are out, what are your thoughts so far on the BB songs for the 3rd DRB? I'm especially excited for Ichiro's. It reminds me of Hiphoppia but with less intense dream vision feel and more funky back alley hip hop stuff. Jiro's sounds good too tho!

I love anon asks like this that remind me to go look at the new stuff that comes out... I would never think to do it otherwise. Thank you; it's very sweet of you.

Let's fire up the old YouTube and give them a listen.

Ichirou -- H歴維新 / The H Age Revolution

(Side note about the title: I'm using "revolution" here in a general sense, but this specific wording is evocative of the Meiji Restoration, the political revolution in the late 1800s that ended the regime of the Tokugawa shoguns and "restored" the old social order under the emperor while radically transforming Japanese society as a whole. Here, we should understand that Ichirou is tearing down Chuuouku's reign to usher in a new state of society.)

(Fifteen seconds in) YOOO this goes hard. I like this beat and the vaguely military-esque theme w/ the horns.

(At end of preview) DAMN okay. Give me a sec to get my thoughts in order.

Every time I see the language in these songs, I'm reminded of a video of an NHK presenter guy reading the lyrics of one song and announcing dryly, "They're all very good at kanji."

I love how this is much punchier than Break the Wall. Ichirou seems to be much more of an active agent in it, not just the figurehead leader of a revolution--and I LOVE that. It's great to see Ichirou embracing his individuality and not simply playing into the image of MC BB that others want him to be.

I also love all the callbacks to previous songs, quite literally going back to basics. ペンは剣より偽りがない ("The pen is mightier than the sword, and that's a fact!") goes all the way back to Hypmic's very first song's ペンは剣よりヒプノシスマイク ("The Hypnosis Mic is mightier than the sword")

Can't wait to get the full version and learn the lyrics. Seems like a hella fun song to rap.

Jirou -- Sunshine

(Five seconds in) Getting "This Means War" vibes.

(Fifteen seconds in) Bro what is this autotune... This sounds like the opening of Rhyme Anima season 2.

(Forty-five seconds in) "I'm ready; the wind's pushing me along; I'm flying with the wings Ikebukuro's given me" Hell YES Jirou you get that identity independent of Ichirou

(Fifty seconds in) "I can't shake the past. I take my scars with me off into a future--a future that's still unknown." Yo this is bars. (I'm butchering its lyricism but whatever) I love that Jirou is actually acknowledging his past and his struggles instead of pushing it away. You notice how his comments on the past are always either "Ichirou was so cool" or "Saburou used to be such a cute kid; what happened?" ? It's good to see him finally being honest enough to touch on his hurt feelings.

(End) Hmm... I don't know how I feel about this one at first liston. I really like Jirou's voice actor's singing voice, so I'm kinda not feeling the autotune. On the other hand, his singing voice definitely has more of a sweet/young flavor, and I can see the authors wanting to lean away from that to make him sound more adult. I think my issue is this song sounds... idk, a bit too idol pop rock to my tastes. I don't mean that idol pop rock is a bad thing; it's simply not my personal preference.

Here's a selection of people in the comments having a normal one:

"Wtf he's hot now"

"I'm picturing Jirou going to school the day after this song drops and his friends being like 'EYYY' and he's like 'Aw, you listened to it? Thanks, guys!' Then a bunch of girls swarm him and he deadass has no idea what they're on about it"

"Say it isn't so... Not my sweet baby boy dumbass Jirou... They made him hot af..."

"I feel like a mom watching my widdle Jiro-chan grow up"

Saburou -- 朱夏 / Maturity

(Side note about the title: Japanese borrows some terms for stages of life from ye olde Chinese (<- very technical term) wherein stages of life correspond to colors and seasons. You may know the word "seishun" (blue spring) or have seen blue = youth as a recurring piece of imagery in Japanese media. (BSD's Blue Period, anyone?) "Shuka" (red summer) is the stage that encompasses most of adulthood; it's the summer or prime of a person's life. The word conveys a sense of energy and a greater understanding of the world than in the youthful seishun period. Sounds like the Hypmic authors want to convey that our baby boy is growing up! *sobs into a hankie*)

(Five seconds in) Chill lofi hip-hop beats for studying

(End) Hmm... Musically, I liked the piano as a consistent piece of imagery for Saburou. It was a little too chill for me, but I always say this and always warm up to Hypmic songs over time lol.

Lyrically, I kept thinking throughout the video "This would be easy to translate" because Saburou monologues for most of it haha. Apart from the imagery related to seasons and the BB's heat/energy "firing" him up to reach the hot summer of adulthood, most of the song is surprisingly literal and straightforward. Saburou states in plain terms that he wants to go be his own person (seems to be the running theme of this album), but it's a departure from his usual style of complex imagery and vocabulary. I would guess that's on purpose, as the song opens with "All through my childhood, I could never wait to grow up. I'm a better rapper than Ichirou, but no one ever sees me as anything but an accessory to him. At least I'm better than Jirou in every way-- oh, who am I kidding? Look at me going on like an edgy middle schooler. I'm always smart, collected, calm--but on the inside, I'm NOT okay!" That is, Saburou is purposefully throwing away his attempts to look smart and mature for his age. He's allowing himself to be rough and emotional like any fourteen year old.

Really fun start to an album; can't wait to hear all the songs! Thanks again for sending this ask, anon.

[pardonmydelays]

TTPD - my final thoughts

so... this album, according to taylor, came from a need to write. now i actually have the need to write this essay. it's an honest opinion, i gave it one last listen & i analysed all the lyrics. this is how i've spent my entire sunday. if you're a sensitive hardcore swiftie, don't even bother to read it. i've already lost a lot of followers because i was being honest lol. this is mostly for my friends, because they actually care about what i think. so i went through hell every song once again & those are my final thoughts (warning: i'm not being very nice & this is super chaotic & messy, but so is the album):

FORTNIGHT

super boring production & i usually love jack... i also can't believe it's the first single from this album? i like the music video tho. the b&w aesthetics are everything. she is kinda trying to sound like lana here, at least this was my first reaction when i heard this song. "i was a functioning alcoholic til nobody noticed my new aesthetic" - what the fuck does that even mean, i hate this line. "all my mornings are mondays stuck in an endless february" - i feel like she is trying to be poetic but this is such a weird line? kinda reminds me of how the first verse of "red" (the song) was a masterpiece, but she kinda got lost in the second verse, it's like trying to write as many metaphors as you can but they are just... not good. sometimes less is more. "i love you, it's ruining my life" - i love the way she sings this line & this line in general. i kinda like post malone in the outro (even tho i don't listen to his music). i don't give a shit about the lyrics to be honest, it's just not doing anything to me, i'm so indifferent (except those few lines i mentioned). overall it's a boring song & a skip for me. i tried to like it but i just... don't.

THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT

i don't hate this song, but i don't love it either. it has good moments. but it also has terrible ones. also, it's too damn long. i don't know. "you left your typewriter at my apartment, straight from the tortured poets department, i think some things i never say, like who uses typewriters anyway?" - i absolutely fucking love those lines, simple words, nothing "big" but i feel like this is what i love the most about taylor's songwriting - when she's not tying to be poetic & she is just writing simple things like that & i kinda love the way it rhymes, can't explain but this beginning is so good!!! "who's gonna hold you" - i love the way she sings this line. "we're modern idiots" - i also love this. "nofuckingbody" - sounds like something i would say so i'll take it. "you smoked then ate seven bars of chocolate, we declared charlie puth should be a bigger artist, i scratch your head, you fall asleep like a tattooed golden retriever." - & here we fucking go... i hate the way it doesn't rhyme? i usually don't mind it when things don't rhyme but somehow it really bothers me here? also this is such a terrible line & it ruins the whole song for me... i like the melody in the bridge tho & i kinda like how she mentioned jack there? i don't know why.

MY BOY ONLY BREAKS HIS FAVOURITE TOYS

i like the chorus? "once i fix me he's gonna miss me" - i know everyone loves that line but i don't??? i don't know, i just don't.

DOWN BAD

i kinda like the production. the melody is so great. "for a moment i knew cosmic love" - i just ADORE the way she sings it. "fuck it if i can't have him, i might just die, it would make no difference" - love it, so relatable. i don't have much to say about it but i like this song in general, it's not amazing, not a masterpiece, but i do like it & i will probably listen to it sometimes. maybe even add it to some of my playlists.

SO LONG, LONDON

beautiful intro, everybody say "thank you, aaron". i didn't love it on my first listen, it grew on me tho, i even love the production on this one now. it has simple lyrics, but it's beautiful. "so long, london, you'll find someone" - so simple & i love it. i love her voice in this song SO MUCH. "& i'm pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free" - i hate how much i relate. "i'm just mad as hell cause i loved this place... for so long..." - i had a mental breakdown today because of this one line. i can relate. also i think this is the best line in the entire song, at least to me.

BUT DADDY I LOVE HIM

nothing will ever save this song, even my boy aaron dessner. no, actually, the production is not bad, i have so many issues with the lyrics tho... "but daddy i love him! i'm having his baby! no i'm not but you should see your faces!" - i wanna die i wanna pretend i didn't hear it (also it's not only the fact that this line is fucking terrible, but the way she sings "his" - i don't even hear this word? the lyrics says it's there but i can't hear it? & it bothers me so much???). "stay away from her, the saboteurs protested too much" - is this line about us, the fans? the way i fucking laughed, this is embarrassing. (why is this song so long i hate it so much) ok, i hate how much i love the sound of the bridge because the melody is really really good there but the lyrics... "i'll tell you something right now, i'd rather burn my whole life down than listen to one more second of all this bitchin' & moanin', i'll tell you something about my good name, it's mine alone to disgrace, i don't cater to all these vipers dressed in empath's clothing, god save the most judgmental creeps who say they want what's best for me, sanctimoniously performing soliloquies i'll never see, thinking it can change the beat of my heart when he touches me and counteract the chemistry and undo the destiny you ain't gotta pray for me, me & my wild boy & all of this wild joy, if all you want is gray for me, then it's just white noise, & it's just my choice" - i'm sorry but the way i laughed I WANNA KILL MYSELF THIS IS TERRIBLE TERRIBLE I HATE IT SO MUCH SHE LITERALLY DIDN'T SAY THAT... wild boy, THIS IS SO STUPID OH GOD- i need therapy after listening to this song & i'm afraid she also needs therapy because this is just unhinged. i don't wanna talk about this song ever again, in a perfect world it doesn't exist. let's move on.

FRESH OUT THE SLAMMER

kinda nice melody, don't care about the lyrics at all because it's boring. also, why is she talking about marriage again, she is literally so desperate to get married it's almost scary. it feels like she doesn't even care who she's gonna marry, she just wants to get married, period. oh god.

FLORIDA!!!

i love the vibes, the production is FIRE! love love love florence in the second verse! "and my friends all smell like weed or little babies" - i know what she was trying to say, but i still hate this line lol it's so cringey. "well, me & my ghosts, we had a hell of a time" - love love love this line. ok, but to be fair, i don't know what this song is about, but i am vibing. i love it, it's good.

GUILTY AS SIN?

it grew on me, i love the melody, i love the production. i hate to admit it, because we all know what this song is about, but i actually genuinely love the lyrics. "oh, what a way to die" - love this line & the way she sings it. "i keep recalling things we never did, messy top lip kiss, how i long for our trysts, without ever touching his skin, how can i be guilty as sin?" - i hate myself, i love it so much, god help me. "i keep these longings locked in lowercase inside a vault" - as a lowercase girlie i had no choice but to love this line. ok, idc, i love this song, crucify me if you want.

WHO'S AFRAID OF LITTLE OLD ME?

i love the production, i think it's one of the best songs on this album. the way she screams "who's afraid of little old me?" - LOVE THAT. "well you should be" - love that, it's powerful. i love the entire bridge, it's so good, i just don't like the line "you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me", because wtf, is this about her childhood home? come on taylor, please, be serious. i think the way she sings "that i'm fearsome & i'm wretched & i'm wrong" is my favourite part of this song. i genuinely love it.

I CAN FIX HIM (NO REALLY I CAN)

i don't give a single fuck about this song, i just wanted to say the line "i can handle me a dangerous man" is so fucking stupid, now let's move on because i'm bored.

loml

she sounds really good in this one, i love the entire chorus, the way she sings "it's legendary", the way she sings "you told me i'm the love of your life" with sadness in her voice, i love it. somehow "if you know it in one glimpse, it's legendary" makes me think of "sometimes there's no proof, you just know" & i just made myself cry, idk. i hate "mr steal your girl" it sounds so bad in this song. bridge! so fucking sad!!! "it was legendary, it was momentary, it was unnecessary, should've let it stay buried" - i absolutely love this moment, probably my favourite part of the song. "you're the loss of my life" at the end... bro. it should be track 5.

I CAN DO IT WITH A BROKEN HEART

the post chorus, omg i hate the production, it makes me want to kill myself, it sounds so bad, omg. i genuinely wanna die. "lights camera bitch smile" - i hate it. "he said he'd love me all his life, but that life was too short, breaking down i hit the floor, all the pieces of me shattered as the crowd was chanting more!" - i love this. i really do. the best part of the song for me. "i cry a lot but i am so productive, it's an art" - honey, no. this album is the best proof that it, in fact, isn't art. "cause i'm miserable & nobody even knows!" - but... we knew? (i can't stand this production for real) the ending, oh dear god i hate it so much, it sounds bad, it's terrible, taylor go to therapy because you're clearly not ok & it shows.

THE SMALLEST MAN WHO EVER LIVED

i don't have any thoughts on this song. it's boring & unnecessary, let's just move on (sorry aaron).

THE ALCHEMY

this is the worst song on the album (me about every song). "this happens once every few lifetimes" - taylor, honey, this happens to you with every single man. stop. get some help. all the football references make me want to kill myself, let's just skip it. it's boring anyway. i can't fucking listen to it. oh no, wait... "he jokes that it's heroin but this time with an E" - ???? even MY jokes are funnier. ok, i'm fucking done.

CLARA BOW

not a bad song but the "you look like taylor swift in this light" is so cringey to me. i hate it. it ruins the whole song for me. the production is really good tho, but i don't know. i'm so indifferent. i'm kinda disappointed with this one tbh.

THE BLACK DOG

it's a beautiful song. "old habits die SCREAMING!!!" - the delivery of this line, yes ma'am. "and i may never open the way i did for you" - i love it so much. also the lyrics in the entire song - so simple & beautiful, i love the storytelling here. the melody in the chorus is amazing. "and i hope it's shitty in the black dog" - yeah, me too. i love this song. it's so good & sad. one of the best from this album.

imgonnagetyouback

olivia rodrigo? hello? boring boring boring, i hate it

THE ALBATROSS

i love the production so much!!! i don't have much to say about the lyrics? i don't love it??? but it's fine i guess. but the production is really interesting, & sometimes that's enough to love the song. maybe it will grow on me. i like it now tho.

CHLOE OR SAM OR SOPHIA OR MARCUS

"if you wanna break my cold, cold heart" - i fucking love the delivery of this line, she sounds really good here & really sad. actually, the chorus is beautiful. "so if i sell my apartment, & you have some kids with an internet starlet, will that make your memory fade from this scarlet maroon?" - hello? maroon reference? ok i love this, i also love the way things rhyme in this part of the song. the lyrics is so simple & beautiful, once again, less is more. it's a great song.

HOW DID IT END?

the "oh-oh" in the intro, LOVE IT. i really love her voice here. "my beloved ghost & me, sitting in a tree, D-Y-I-N-G" - heartbreaking. & thanks for mentioning me in a song. "but i still don't know, how did it end?" - it kinda makes me think about all my relationships (not only with guys but also with my friends) & how sometimes you really don't know how it happened that they are no longer a part of your life. it makes me feel sad. i love the song.

SO HIGH SCHOOL

"touch me while your bros play grand theft auto" - oh my god. this is so bad. it's so bad. i don't like it.

I HATE IT HERE

INSTANT FAVE, SO RELATABLE, THIS IS MY SONG!!! "i hate it here so i will go to secret gardens in my mind people need a key to get to, the only one is mine" - me as fuck. that i can say for sure. "no mid-sized city hopes & small town fears, i'm there most of the year cause i hate it here" - the way i literally realized that this is where i spent my last year, it's almost scary but this song definitely goes to my "when the truth pops out" playlist. i'm gonna pretend the racist line in the second verse doesn't exist. "lunar valleys in my mind" - i fucking love this line. "i'm lonely but i'm good, i'm bitter but i swear i'm fine, i'll save all my romanticism for my inner life" - OH MY GOD. I WROTE THIS SONG. I SWEAR. i relate to this so much. i hate it here. i love this song.

thanK you aIMee

so at first i liked it but then i realized it's about kim kardashian & i actually hate it now, taylor, please, can we finally move on? it's been YEARS, imagine how tired we are.

I LOOK IN PEOPLE'S WINDOWS

the production is good, i love the repetitions of "out", "now" etc. not much to say about it, but it's kinda nice? it's so short tho.

THE PROPHECY

i absolutely love the production on this one, it reminds me of "augusta" by gracie abrams & i love this song so much (also produced by aaron). i love the chorus & all the rhymes here. i don't... love the song in general, but i like it & i think it might grow on me.

CASSANDRA

ok, you know what, it's a nice song, but i am so damn tired of hearing about the same thing over & over again... 2016 was eight fucking years ago, taylor wake the fuck up & move on??? I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT ANYMORE JESUS I AM BORED.

PETER

i am genuinely crying right now, because i only have one person in my mind when i'm listening to this song & the words "you were gonna come find me"... oh god (i've had one person in my life who said they were gonna find me one day when i told them i'm gonna leave this shitty town & move to the city of my dreams. they didn't find me tho. the biggest what if of my life. i wanna die right now). it's a good song. i actually love it, probably because it's so relatable for me.

THE BOLTER

i actually like this one. the production is great (good job aaron!), i like the lyrics, i relate to some of this, not gonna get into details tho. none of it is outstanding, but it's a good song. i'm just tired, this album is too damn long.

ROBIN

"way to go tiger" - i love the melody & the way she sings this line. it's such a sweet song & i just learned that robin is aaron's kid's name, i love it. it's nice. nothing amazing, not a masterpiece but i like it.

THE MANUSCRIPT

"if the sex was half as good as the conversation was" - i kinda love this line (no, we are not geting into the details of who this one is about. i just said i love this line). also what a way to end the album: "now & then i re-read the manuscript, but the story isn't mine anymore". i love it, because now these stories are ours. it's like i told bel on friday, i'm gonna make this whole damn album about me & my life.

if you made it to the end, congratulations. to conclude: taylor should have worked more with aaron, less with jack. i usually love jack, but this time i feel like i've heard it all before. i still think this is her worst album. it's too damn long (31 songs!!!). it has some of her worst lyrics ever. most of those songs were totally unnecessary. maybe the entire album was. i genuinely think she should just take a break. i am really disappointed with this album & i am mad as hell because i wanted to love it. well... i made my own version. i think i'm not gonna talk about this album anymore. i also think i need a break from listening to it because i am genuinely tired. bye.

[wallisninety-six]

Endless Ocean - Remembering Dennis Wilson and "Pacific Ocean Blue" (1977)

"When my record was finished, Brian was the first to hear it. In the middle of some tracks he'd say, "I can't stand this" and walk out of the room. Sometimes he'd laugh. Sometimes he'd cry. I guess he was thinking that he'd seen me grow up as a musician." - Dennis Wilson, 1977

This coming December will see the 40th anniversary of the death of Dennis Wilson in 1983- the first loss in the Beach Boys and the culmination of an intense, fast-paced life filled with extreme parental abuse, commercial highs and lows with the band, and heavy trauma from events of the late 60s- oftentimes using copious amounts of drugs & alcohol to cope in the last years of his increasingly troubled life. But even in darkest times, Dennis also refused to slow down for his music, and his passion for it either- and that fact should not be forgotten while discussing his life.

Famously the only surfer in the band, as well as its drummer- Dennis was the bad boy of the group- charismatic & popular with fans, and living a true rocker style; hardly anyone thought of him as a talented songwriter, though. But he- not brother Brian, would be the first member to officially release a solo album, itself a culmination of his songwriting history that started in Beach Boys albums like Friends and the wonderful Sunflower. This work is 1977's Pacific Ocean Blue- which he largely wrote and produced with longtime songwriting partner Gregg Jakobson, and is the only album he released in his lifetime.

At this time, Dennis' rough lifestyle had begun to affect him- his voice had become much more raspy and rough, almost leading us to believe he was tough as nails from life & experience and moving away from the tender songwriting from the past. But with Pacific Ocean Blue, we witness Dennis at his most open, most brutally honest and at his most sensitive and heartfelt too- pouring out his soul and never modifying his expression to make his big debut more pop or radio-friendly like most labels wanted him & The Beach Boys to be- what's here is him at most genuine, uncompromised in every way.

Dennis' rough voice complimented the songs and subjects of the album well and makes his earnest feelings that much more believable, and with the very welcome inclusion of the Double Rock Baptist Choir- the backing vocals moved away from the expected Beach Boys vocal style (though members like brother Carl and Mike Love would appear here too)- but bacame more soulful and yearning to match the moods of the songs. For their part- the song's lyrics are simple yet visibly honest, not bogged down with complex lyricism, but plainspoken to be much more direct with the listener, helping to elevate the music instead of distracting from it.

With all of this in mind (and considering Dennis' own musical style) overt emotion and mood triumphs over all- he had been depressed by his break-up with his wife Karen Lamm-Wilson, finally charted out his own musical path away from the Beach Boys as the band was practically hanging by a thread, and was utterly dismayed by environmental destruction and degradation in California- as seen in the terrific, thundering opener "River Song". Thanks to the (severely underrated) talent of Dennis and Gregg's production work, the whole album is surrounded by a full and intricate wall of sound and emotion- and as a result, the album has a atmospheric sadness to it that pervades it all, but it also shines and expresses itself in many different ways. If the Beach Boys famously signified a sunny day on the beach- Dennis' work was the thick June Gloom that blanketed the whole ocean.

But that didn't mean that all of the songs on the album were grim- Dennis shows appreciation for life, love, and music in a way only he could, like in the heavenly-sounding and mandolin-filled track "Rainbows" and the somber-yet-greatful tone of "Farewell My Friend". The theme of loss in the latter song hits harder in hindsight- while Dennis had been working on a new album (work-titled 'Bambu') his indulgence in excess worsened to the point where his body and mind deteriorated rapidly and never recovered. He would drown in Marina del Rey in California- He was only 39. He was cremated and his ashes would be scattered over the Pacific Ocean.

But while many are quick to bring up Dennis' rough life & end and (almost solely) paint him as a tragic figure to set the mood for his obituary- it does a great disservice to his memory & the sheer joy writing music for others gave him (as he would state multiple times in interviews). And after being out of print for so long, Pacific Ocean Blue was finally re-released in 2008 and soon became wildly acclaimed by critics and fans, keeping his music alive for generations to come as much of his other unreleased work with the Beach Boys finally gets released officially to this very day- and what we can finally hear is gorgeous.

[imichelle-l-rigby]

Reflections: Cillian Murphy’s Limited Edition

Series 3, episode 2

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*I am a music prof (predominantly classical vocalist), and I LOVE listening to Cillian’s music choices! That being said, sometimes I won’t like a song simply because of a vocalist (it’s a professional hazard - sorry!) 👩‍🏫

** The following are my own observations/opinions. We may not agree, and that’s ok! That’s what makes music fun! 😊

*** I wouldn’t say I’m well-versed in Cillian’s music preferences, but I do enjoy them (for the most part). I always wind up adding to my own playlists after listening to Cillian’s recommendations.

—————���—————————————————

And now for episode 2…

🎵 Set 1 (Gonna Be - Sun King)

Gonna Be: an interesting beginning! I like the layers of motivic play from low, mid, and high parts of the texture. Fun instrument and sound effect choices, as well!

Come Home: harmonies are dense, but so wholesome and satisfying. It reminds me of a lot of Americana material.

Sun King: I LOVE THE BEATLES SO UNIRONICALLY 😍😍😍😍. Also, Abbey Road had its birthday this past week! 😊

🎤Talking Break

“Blathering blindly”

“Bus stops along the way”

He sounds more chill this time than last week? His voice is giving serious ASMR vibes

“Treash”

His love of close harmonies is so valid 👌

That’s adorable him asking his dad about the faux Italian in “Sun King” 😂

🎵Set 2 (SpongeBob -

SpongeBob: I promise you that this is the last thing I think of in association with SpongeBob! 😅 while this is objectively good, it’s not my cup of tea. I do like that I can understand/follow the lyrics. Well done and well constructed.

Officina stellare: I like this! A fun, atmospheric piece.

I’m not sure why this and SpongeBob go together, but the juxtaposition is striking.

🎤Talking Break:

Italian pronunciation should be: oh-fee-chee-nah steh-lah-rey

“Brilliant atmosphere of doom” ok… way to bring down the vibe, Cillian! 😅

🎵Set 3 (Weird Lullaby - Nite Owl)

Weird Lullaby: I do enjoy some good, original jazz. Swing era, and an unorthodox use of scat. I looked up Babs, and I need to find more of his stuff. He’s got an enjoyable voice, and approaches harmonies in a beautiful way.

Nite Owl: even though this is also an “oldie,” it is a STRONG difference compared with the previous!!! But I like this - what a feel good song! Good use of what is now called a “twang” vocal technique (twang isn’t just for country music).

🎤Talking Break

Now I need to listen to Frank Zappa’s Jukebox…

Joke’s on you, Cillian! First time I listened to this I was NOT “headphoned up!” 😂 I know, I’m such a rebel! 😂😂 Jk I was too lazy to go get my AirPods

🎵Set 4 (Trees, etc. - A Slice of the Top)

Trees, etc: well, it’s certainly better/more enjoyable than “Revolution 9” - that is one trippy, scary song! But I’ll be honest, I expected more “sound directionality” when he said to “headphone up,” like when you can hear the direction of the sound change from left to right. Regardless, this is a cool concept piece.

A Slice Of The Top: more jazzy, for sure. I’m loving the different riffs! Something about it sounds like Afro-Cuban jazz, but idk why? Maybe it’s the background rhythms? Fun dissonant harmonies, though!

🎤Talking Break:

“There is some coherence… somewhere”

🎵Set 5 (Dr. Ring Ding -Jack Ruby)

Dr. Ring Ding: the intro is so weird 😅 but no, this is a cool song. Again, I always appreciate some good riffs/solos!

Jack Ruby: same artist!! Wow! And man, I just wanna dance listening to these songs!💃

🎤Talking Break

A Cork specific question!

I saw somewhere someone was asking what a “boogie” is supposed to mean. I *think* (?) it’s just a jam session or performance of some kind??? At lest that’s how I’m interpreting this story.

A pub called Snotty Joe’s?! 😂😂😂

Ejected from establishments 😂😂😂😂

Corkonians

“Brilliantly sound self”

🎵Set 6 (Gone Daddy Gone - Downtown Train)

Gone Daddy Gone: ok, this is a boogie, if I say so! The instrumental track is fun, though repetitive. The vocal line is fairly monotone. Idk why monotone songs work, but they do (Mr. Brightside is a great example of monotone done right)! And a marimba solo?! Yes, please! 🤩

Downtown Train: ok… Tom Waits’ voice is not my favorite. That being said, this is a good song. It’s not something I would listen to often because of the vocals, but it’s definitely got merit. And something about this is so nostalgic?

🎤Talking Break

Aretha!!!!! 😍😍😍😍😍

Yay archive material!!!

“Baby, baby, baby”

🎵Set 7 (Baby, Baby, Baby)

Baby, baby, baby: I have no words. Aretha has SUCH a lovely, effortless-sounding voice! And her songs are so soulful! Perfection. 💯

🎤Talking Break

Thoughts on Bill: he’s eclectic. But his description is vague and I wish he’d be more specific.

🎵Set 8 (Free’s - Weird Sisters)

Free’s: the melody isn’t ambitious (almost like a recitative), but his voice has a nice, rich quality to it! And the instrumentation is fun! Almost like a little jazzy flute riff along with atmospheric backing.

Weird Sisters: enjoyable song! Definitely enjoying the slow build in texture - well done.

As a voice teacher, I want to double check some vocal production techniques of his. I’m not sure if some of the vocal anomalies I’m hearing are purposeful or not. I think they’re done on purpose, but if not, he should go visit an ENT (the doctor, not the talking tree). TLDR: vocal health is important.

🎤Talking Break

Oh no… not more weird dude from Yorkshire 😅

I’m still so confused.

Ok… an introduction to the next artist.

🎵Set 9 (Micael)

Micael: I like this song a lot. Guitar is haunting, atmospheric, and repetitive. The other instrumental and sound effects in the back are nice additions! The vocal line and it’s layers just keep adding to the strangeness of this song. It’s a puzzle, and I think that’s why I like it - it keeps you on your toes!

🎤Talking Break

An exclusive! 🙀

Oooh… a book reading!

Comments on Jarvis: yes. Music is a magic trick! His French is good. *the tingle* - yep! So important!

“Pop music was real music as far as I was concerned” - I do disagree with this point. All music is real. You may not like it, but that’s a different subject 🤷‍♀️

🎵Set 10 (Black Magic)

Black Magic: why is this such a banger??? 😎😎😎 the bell line is a really nice touch, and I like it’s unique and unexpected melody compared to the more predictable vocal line and chorus.

🎤Talking Break:

“Thank you, Jarvis”

🎵Set 11 (Harmoniser Dub - The Smoke)

Harmoniser Dub: for something with “harmonize” in the title, there isn’t much harmonizing… (I know, I’m being purposefully obtuse) 😂 but a fun use of electronic sounds and non-vocal music!

The Smoke: I like this a lot more than the previous song! Lots of unexpected rhythmic pauses, and the mysterious vocal line is cool 😎 I like how this song is constantly morphing and borrowing styles to form a whole.

🎤Talking Break

Love remixes!

“No let’s not play the ident”

“Friends”

🎵Set 12 (Lwonsome Tonight - All Souls)

Lwonsome Tonight: now I have a complicated relationship with her voice. She purposefully sings in a thin, unsupported style and in a difficult portion of her range to create a specific haunting/folksy effect. I get it, but I don’t care for it. Good storytelling, and the vocal melody has an interesting contour.

All Souls: a strong contrast with the previous song! I like the electronic distortion and sub-pulses. 👍 the piano line is reminiscent of some of the driving pulses in funeral marches, so that’s a cool touch. I would say I prefer this song to the other one featured.

🎤Talking Break

I do love covers

🎵Set 13 (PinkMoon - Paprika Pony)

Pink Moon: I like this! Fun electronic components, and a pleasant head-dominant vocal production. This is such a vibe! ✨

Side note: isn’t AURORA featured in Frozen 2?

Paprika Pony: WHOA what a contrast! This is all clear-cut edges where the previous is all soft and fluffy. I know that has nothing to do with musical qualities, but that’s how I’m hearing it tonight.

I guess this set is tied together by alliteration? 😂

🎤Talking Break

“Anthemic” - I did not know that was a word!

🎵Set 14 (Stand Anthem)

Stand Anthem: I’m sorry, Cill, but I don’t like this. I enjoyed the first 20 seconds? It does have a “We Are The World” vibe, but it’s so repetitive. I think it’s the “stand” portions I dislike most - they don’t go anywhere. There’s no sense of build or momentum, and I’d really like to have that featured, especially in an anthem!

🎤Talking Break

Yay! Irish music!

Set 15 (Foreign Fleas)

Foreign Fleas: dude, this sounds dark and scary! 🫣 but that’s not a bad thing! I’m just a wimp 😂 but there are some nice, crunchy, dissonant harmonies in the vocal line. 👍

🎤Talking Break

“Brave and moving act of communication”

“Multitudinal”

What’s a Wally???

“Mind yourselves”

🎵Set 16 (Become the Earth - Distant Sky)

Become the Earth: oddly enough, I would describe her voice as “earthy” 😂 the simplicity of this song is nice. Heavily produced stuff is nice, but so is something like this. There’s still some post-production parts, but it’s not overwhelming. I did like that descending and ascending slide in the backing vocals! That was cool!!!

Distant Sky: Nick Cave is one of those artists who has such a gift when it comes to storytelling. However, his voice isn’t my favorite. That being said, what he adds instrumentally and through storytelling outweighs his vocal production (which is also a choice, I believe). And the juxtaposition of Nick and Else Torp is just wow! Overall, this is a beautiful song, and I’m happy the show ended so strongly with this gorgeous piece.

———————————————————————

And that’s episode 2! Honestly, I’m surprised I was able to get this out by Friday - this week has been hectic! 😂😅

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed! Feel feee to share/comment! 😊

Tag List:

@iammrsrogers @deliciousnutcomputer @mariamoonie @brownskinsugarplum76 @look-at-the-soul @kj-davis @neverroad @teapothollow @thepurplearmyposts @possessedmarshmallow

[thestarscangetlonely]

Favorite Lyrics From Heartbreak Weather

Heartbreak Weather:

You, that's what I've been missing/was tangled up and twisted/now all the clouds been lifted.

Black and White:

I can't promise picket fences/or sunny afternoons.

Dear Patience:

So, this song, THIS SONG. Has too many.

1 - Dear patience/Can we share a drink and let go of the pressure?

2 - Just me and the stars can get lonely

3 - Hey can you show your face/Can you see that I'm anxious/Can you hear what I'm saying, saying/Hey, cause I fall to fast/and go down blazing

4 - If I pour my heart out can you keep a promise (hmm)/Cause the situation/is like a mountain weighing on my conscience

(yeah ok the whole song)

Bend The Rules:

And I pour myself a glass/it won't be the last/just all medicine for now

Small Talk:

Oh, you see the fool in my mind/Can't run and hide/With your stare on me

Nice To Meet Ya:

I want your number tattooed on my arm in ink, I swear/cause when the morning comes/I know you won't be there

Put A Little Love On Me:

yeah this one is trouble for me too

1 - Is it wrong I still don't know my heart?

2 - Another Friday night tryna put on a show/Do you hate the weekend 'cause no one is calling

3 - I've still got so much love hidden beneath this skin.

4 - We wrote and we wrote/ 'til there were no more words/we laughed and cried/until we saw our worst

5 - Last night I lay awake/stuck on the things we say/and when I close my eyes, the first things i hear you say is/put a little love on me , yeah

6 - When the lights come up, we're the only ones dancing/I look around and you're standing there asking/you say, you're the only one I need

ok, again, the whole song

Arms of a Stranger:

If we're not going to do this honestly/Baby, won't ya give me back what you took apart

Everywhere:

The ground beneath my feet's a bit colder/I see your face in people I don't know/Feels like the world is twisting in slow-mo/And I'm stuck in one place

Cross Your Mind:

You keep talkin, I'll just listen/Daydreaming 'bout where your lips' been/pull my heart right out my chest, drive a train through/still get up and forgive you

New Angel:

Each time I close my eyes/she's in there running wild/I'm hoping you get her out of my mind.

No Judgement:

Even though we both know we'll move on/I'll keep your secrets safe/until that time we find ourselves alone again

San Francisco:

Drunk dialing/Full dive in/Don't you tell that it's too late now/Cause I'm pacing/I keep breaking/Is there a way to make it up somehow?

Still:

hahahaha a few lyrics she said to herself once

1 - My mind is complicated/Find it hard to rearrange it/But I'll have to find a way somehow/Overreacting lately/Find it hard to say I'm sorry/But I'll make it up to you somehow

2 - And I just don't know why/The stars won't shine at night

3 - Tell me you want it/A thousand miles away from the day that we started/But I'm standing here with you just tryna be honest/If honesty means telling you the truth/Well, I'm still in love with you

4 - Did I miscalculate this/Let's just go back to basics/Forget about what's come and gone/'Cause I hate to see us like this/Breaking up on nights just like this/We should be shooting for them stars of gold

Yeah, all in all that is the whole song.

Dress:

I'm calling 'cause I'm nervous/I know that we don't talk/I know that it's on purpose

Nothing:

What turns the sky from black to gold?/What sends my tears up in flames?

[meteoramp3]

❝ Angel of music

⋆.˚ Summary: Your boyfriend's cousin, Baela is planning a Halloween party at her house, so you try to convince your boyfriend to match costumes with you. Words: 1k Warnings: Musical nerd alert, fluff. Masterlist

  Your phone was connected to the boombox that was placed on the countertop of the kitchen. “Heathers: The Musical” was playing obnoxiously loud and your throat was rather sore after spending the past two hours screaming the lyrics like your life depended on it.

  Jace was nowhere to be found, and Vermax was hiding under the bed of your room because he did not want to know who Heather Chandler is.

  But before Kindergarten boyfriend started playing, you decided it was enough Heathers for a day and picked another album from your Spotify library, Hamilton.

  You had managed to get to the 5th song, The Schuyler Sisters, before the sound of footsteps outside the main door warned you that Jace was finally coming back from his walk, which made you turn the music down.

  The door opened and Jace walked in, locking the door and dropping a shopping bag from... Yenny? Ah, he bought a book. He looked at you and waved before making his way towards you and giving you a hug.

  “Hi” Jace simply said while resting his chin on your shoulder, nuzzling your neck softly.

  “Hello, you abandoned me”. You were looking at him over your shoulder with furrowed brows, he shook his head. “I needed a little break from doing nothing and Vermax jumping on my back. I'm going to end like my aunt before I even turn 25… But anyway, what were you doing while I was gone?”

“I got the cookie dough out of the freezer and put it in the oven”. You felt him nod, you simply patted his shoulder. “They're over there”, You pointed at the table across the room and the man basically ran over said table, making you chuckle. “Do you like them?” He nodded violently before making a thumbs up.

  “Y'know, maybe we should send you...” chomp “to Master Chef” chomp “or one of those things,” chomp “they are amazing”.

  You looked at the man incredulously and pinched your fingers (🤌) at him, “One, swallow that before you keep talking, I don't want you to drown, and two, you're exaggerating, but thanks still”.

  You walked towards the table before grabbing a chair and sitting on it, looking at him expectantly.

“What?”. Jace was hitting his chest softly after choking with the cookies. “Don't you have something to tell me?” He shook his head. “No?” He shook his head again.

  You looked at him with a raised eyebrow while resting your fist against your cheek. “What about a Halloween party? At Baela’s house?”

  “Ah! That, right…” He cleared his throat, “Do you want to go?” You nodded, “Obviously, I need to get out of this house every once in a while, y'know?”.

  He saw the look on your eyes and knew what was coming, “Let me guess, you want to match?” He saw you nod yet again “What are your suggestions this year?”

  “Christine and the Phantom or Veronica Sawyer and JD” He left out a sigh before rubbing his temple, “Not this again…”

  “Excuse me, but you asked for it.” Your fingers started to trace the veins on his arm, trying to seduce him into the idea. “Or do you have a better suggestion?” He shook his head.

  “I mean, the costume is not bad… But I find it corny, if I'm honest” He cringed because, how dare he? “Jacaerys Velaryon, you're going to give me a headache. Explain yourself, traitor”.

  “The mask. It's corny and the cloak, if it wasn't for it and the mask, anyone would think I am a waiter”.

  “A handsome one”.

  He stared pacing around while munching on your precious cookies, running his hand through his hair dramatically and looking at the landscape outside the window.

  “I will do it, but…” He thought for a bit, “You’re making pizza that night and your costume is on you. Deal?” He extended his hand, waiting for a handshake. “Deal”. You shook his hand.

  “Alrig-”

  “The tuxedo is in your closet, by the way”.

  “You bought it already?” You nodded, “Like I said, who do you think I am? I know how to sew for a reason”.

  “So, you made the dress yourself?”

  “Yes sir, though I bought the small clothes and socks, obviously…”

  Jace looked at you with a proud smile on his face before cupping your cheeks with his hands and kissing you. When he pulled away, his fingers squeezed your soft cheeks. His pretty brown eyes looking at you dreamily. “My girlfriend,” He said. “My pretty, amazing and talented girlfriend. I love you”. You pulled away from him awkwardly, overwhelmed by the sudden display of affection, “Jace, where the fuck did that come from?” He shrugged.

  “Jacaerys!” The door swung open, startling you. “My dear,” Jacaerys dramatically said. “What burdens you?” You turned around pointing at the laces in the back of the corset, his hands took hold of them before pulling on them, tightening the hard material against your back. “Like this?” He took a step back to look at you properly. “Yes, Jace. Thank you”. He lifted his finger, signing you to turn around for him. The skirt twirled delicately, the slit on it letting the lace stoking be seen.

  He fixed the sleeves a bit before stopping you, “All done?” Jace questioned while running his hand through his hair. “Yes…” You stared at him before something clicked, “Where’s your mask?”

“On my desk, silly. You think I'm going out like this? Nuh-uh!”

  Jacaerys walked out of the room to go search for said mask, you turned to the vanity behind you, before grabbing the mascara on it. By the time he came back, you were applying glitter on your eyelids. Jace tapped your shoulder, showing the mask before offering you his arm, you happily wrapped your arm around his and closed the door of your room.

  When you made your way to the main door, Vermax suddenly appeared with your Mary Janes in his mouth. You looked at him with a raised eyebrow before patting his head softly.

  Jace was waiting outside, he was already in the car listening to Evanescence. You locked the main door, pulling on it to make sure it was in fact locked. Jace saw you over the car and opened the door of the passenger side.

  When you sat and noticed that he was playing Fallen, your right eyebrow raised in confusion.

  He looked at you and shook his head, “No, you're not playing the song by Nightwish”.

“Jace!”

For those who don't know what the hell Yenny is, it's an important library here in Argentina c: (And no, I'm not from here, I'm venezuelan)

[allthemusic]

Week ending: 10th October

Ah, and it's the Crickets! Or Buddy Holly and the Crickets? I'm not 100% what the convention is, when crediting them, to be honest. Either way, they're here, and with an absolute banger that feels like a pattern for rock and pop music for years to come.

That'll Be The Day - The Crickets (peaked at Number 1)

I may be wrong, but this seems to be the song that kept last week's Tammy off the top chart spot. Which... yeah, correct call, good job, everybody! There are number 1 songs that I question, but this really isn't one of them - it's such a breath of fresh air, and immediately has me tapping my foot along with the Crickets.

There's something kind of prototypical about it, the way that these four (honestly pretty dweeby-looking) guys have slimmed the rock and roll band down to the bare essentials of singer, lead guitar, bass guitar, drums. Add some backing vocals, and you've got a streamlined set-up that basically remains the pop/rock standard nowadays, with keyboard as an optional extra. Rock and roll, up until now, has been dominated by brassy sounds, horns and sax, and it feels like a bold move, stepping away from all that to concentrate on four guys and their guitars.

It's a song written by Buddy Holly, apparently after he saw the The Searchers at his local cinema. Inspired by John Wayne's character saying the title line, he went and wrote a song - but initially his record company had him singing it with a completely different band, the Three Tunes. It only became a hit in this version, though, and you can see why - everyone involved's really giving it their all, here.

We start with this short but iconic guitar lick. It's been imitated since, and it's super recognisable, even if you don't think you know the song. It's a great example of something simple but effective - it sets up the tone of the song, then launches us straight in, no need to mess around.

We start with the chorus, and it's a chorus that repeats loads throughout the song, so by the end of it, you know the refrain pretty well: That'll be the day, when you say goodbye / Yes, that'll be the day, when you make me cry / You say you're gonna leave, you know it's a lie / 'Cause that'll be the day when I die. It's beautifully harmonised by the Crickets, with this simple shuffle-y guitar and drum pattern underneath it, nothing fancy. It all works very well.

The more I think about the lyrics, the less I'm sure that they work, on a literal level. The intention's fairly clear: Buddy's love keeps saying they're going to leave him, but he doesn't really believe they mean it, or that they're going to break his heart. But should I interpret the lyric about the day when I die as a statement of confidence ("My love will stay faithful until death do us part") or as something a bit more sinister ("Well, if my love actually leaves me, I might just keel over and die")?

On an unrelated but also confusing note, what's he trying to get at with the line about how you give me all your lovin' and your turtle dovin' / All your hugs and kisses, and your money, too? I get that all these things are meant to be proof that Buddy's love really does love him and won't leave him, but adding money to the list just sounds like he's admitting to being their sugar baby, or something? Or at least taking money off them. There's something a little unintentionally creepy about it, a sort of vaguely toxic, manipulative "well, you give me all your money, so you can't leave me now" vibe. Which I'm almost certain isn't the intention here, but still.

These are nitpicks, and honestly, you don't really notice them when you listen to the song, because it's all just so appealingly packaged. Buddy's voice has this really distinctive hiccup to it, and a way of tripping of small words like "well" until they almost sound more like "well-ah". He leans into notes where he needs to, then hangs back when he needs to, and he occasionally dips into this lower register, without it sounding fake or silly. It's pretty great.

The song's also well structured so that it feels like it isn't just repeating itself - the chorus does repeat a lot, but you've also got moments where the backing singers drop out dramatically for a line, you've got a solo to break things up, and you've got the final verse shaking up the rhythms with this syncopated "when you make me cry" line, all punctuated by drum beats - the latter's probably my second favourite part of the song, after th eintro. It's just enough that the track feels like it goes somewhere, keeping your interest through to the end.

The solo's also just good - we get some proper guitar noodling, but in the middle there's also this deeper, chuggier bitthat kind of sounds like the blues rock that starts coming through later on, in the 1960s. It's a riff that's been hinted at under the surface throughout the track, but that really comes to the fore in the solo, and I love it! Third best part of the song?

I also enjoy the ending. There's a good solid "that'll be the day that I die" that Buddy could have ended on, but instead he chooses to repeat a line a few times, the track fading out to a relaxed, that'll be the day, ooh hoo and a little guitar flourish to match the one at the start. It's a confident move, giving up the big, resounding ending for something more laid-back, reflecting Buddy's confidence throughout the rest of the song. He sounds chill, you know - channelling some of that John Wayne coolness, perhaps?

I really like this song. I liked it before I got to it, and I still really like it. It's got a garage rock feel, almost, a little bit less slick and more "four kids messing around on guitars". Which is a template that we're going to be seeing a lot more of, in future. And it's just so well made! Well worth a listen.

Favourite song of the deceptively nerdy-looking bunch: That'll Be the Day

[coffee---bean]

two tables go on a date pt. 5

hello,

a little update on my thoughts about the artwork!

so, i think what i'm dealing with in this artwork is the idea of the real and the fake. when i present it, i'm probably gonna show this very impressive whatever thing, and then say:

"hi, please ignore this. (point to the tables) this is the actual work of art"

that makes me think about what counts as the actual artwork. what is "actual art", what isn't? obviously i can only really answer for myself. i guess i consider some DRAKE songs to be art, and i consider some to be... i'm not sure what the word is. less? art?

this is an interesting example, for me. this song is track 18 on the album VIEWS, i think. it's a song that no-one really cares about, or talks about. if any song was gonna be a song that is just kind of a throwaway, it's this song. and it's a pretty low-key beat, the performance and lyrics by DRAKE aren't particularly impressive. in reviews, reviewers don't even really mention the song.

i love this song so deeply. i don't really know, but the chords are so melancholy, the drums and bass are skittering - a strange mix of introversion and extraversion, the rhythm is so steady and romantic. perfect slow-dancing. i love how the song evolves in tiny mutations, tiny little breaks and builds in tension, tiny releases. it's a song that really doesn't work at all on speakers, it's gotta be headphones, i think. maybe it'd work on speakers if the sound is loud, but it's such a quiet song...

there's some perfect lyrics in this song, to me, also. really, every lyric. i might need to go through the entire song.

They throwin' dirt on my old name Only gets worse when you know things You don't see the perks of this whole thing But you get real on a pill and I like it

i kind of interpret this as being him talking about knowledge and talking being scary and dark. i run away from the complicated parts of life. it's hard to exist, nothing is simple. there's a simplicity in the relationship he describes. i love the way he just says - "i like it" - it's just so simple and earnest and romantic. it's shy and it's brave.

You just like my sidekick, I just wanna ride, fulfill all your desires Keep you in the front, never in the back and never on the side

there's so much devotion in these lyrics. there's so much honesty, assuming he's being honest. i do assume that, when i listen, maybe because i want it to be true. when i'm in love, i kind of just want to stare into someone's eyes forever.

You a real ass woman and I like it I don't wanna fight it

i don't wanna fight it either, drake,,,

Tell me should I cut these other girls right out of my life? 'Cause we never decided, tell me how you feel inside

there's an interesting tension here, but i actually really like the fact that this relationship is still in flux. still evolving, still morphing. they clearly communicate but they haven't settled anywhere. i genuinely feel like that all the time. they just want to know what's happening right now. there's a beautiful something there.

Yeah-yeah, I figure out you, you figure out me We both a different breed I'm followin' your lead, I ask you what you need You say, "A guarantee" I mean, you say that like it's easy

i love the line about us figuring one another out. i love the line about following their lead, i love the idea of inspiring one another and following one another.

there's a lot of tension, the moment a "guarantee" is brought up. i love the fact that DRAKE expresses his limits, his inability to be simple. because no one is simple, things aren't simple. i love that this love song is so devoted and still nuanced and complicated. it makes the simple feel complicated, and the complicated feel simple, and points out that the dichotomy or binary isn't really a thing.

You never believe me Told you I got Zs for these other girls sleepin' on 'em Girl, I'm sleepy Sometimes I'm so indecisive

there's more tension, more break-down in communication, in trust. i love the fact that DRAKE has a line talking about how he's sleepy. i just think that's really cute.

But you a real ass woman and I like it I don't wanna fight it

and we end with the same dedication. the same uncertainty, the same infatuation, the same respect, the same contradictory emotions. and the idea of being "tired" - tired of fighting. conflict. i know the feeling. i don't think there is freedom from that conflict, necessarily. i'm not really sure.

i think this song captures the idea of "two tables go on a date" perfectly. in it's simplest and most devoted moments. but it also muddies the water with the complicated. maybe that's what i should try to capture in the other work of art. and "two tables" is contradictory as well, but it's silently that way. it's resolved. i think the other one should be unresolved.

maybe that's the idea. it's not fake or real, it's resolved and unresolved. and the unresolved one is like a forest. something that grows and changes constantly, never having an ending because nothing has an ending. and "two tables" is exactly the same, but it's so simple and easy to pour your heart into and empty it. again, the binary feels so silly and non-existant. what is the other part? what is the explanation?

[finelinevogue]

could you do some angsty smut please??

oh hell yeah we can. this is going to be 70srockstar!harry with roadie!y/n eekkkk! okay have fun;

Being the girlfriend of the most famous, golden boy rockstar was the craziest rollercoaster you’d ever ride.

For the past 6 months you’ve been touring with the one and only Harry Styles, living your life between helping on tour, drinking endless amounts of wine and smoking a hell of a lot of weed. The job had come past you at the perfect moment. Your dad happened to be best friends with the tour manager, Jeff Azoff, who’d spoken of their being a job opening for a roadie. You were employed to help set up the musical equipment and test out the instruments before the act went on at night, falling in love for the man you roadied for was just an add on. A beautiful bonus.

It was a lot more pressure being Harry’s girlfriend than people thought though. There was so much pressure to act a certain way and present yourself another way. Harry was so idolised and craved by millions and it put pressure on you to be a certain person for him. You loved him so much and you were so scared that he might one day realise that there was so much better than you - at least in your eyes. Someone extroverted. Someone musically talented. Someone who wasn’t a virgin.

Harry had never pressured you into anything sexual unless you were ready. Of course he was notorious for being an above star rating, when it came fo sex - thanks to all the articles published by the many men and women, sometimes both together, he had slept with. The sex reputation went hand-in-hand with his rock-n-roll aesthetic, so that part of him would never change. You’d only been with Harry for 4 of those 6 months, managing to fall for him very quickly, so you wondered just how he was coping without having had sex for that long. He usually had a different person each night to take backstage after his concert to play with how he wanted, hence how he built his reputation, but since you there had been no one.

Sex was such a big thing for Harry though, so you couldn’t help but feel like you were letting him down.

Currently, you were sat on his bed on the tour bus reading an article that had been published about your boyfriend last week. Your heart strings tugged as you read one section of the interview.

Interviewer: The new album, tell me about it.

Harry: It’s coming on slowly yeah. Just want this one to be perfect so, taking my time.

Interviewer: What would you say your biggest inspiration is for writing?

Harry: Changed on every project, to be honest man. Sometimes it’s about past relationships. Sometimes it’s about issues i’m going through. A lot of the time it’s about sex!

Interviewer: Yeah, dude, I have noticed that like every other song is about sex. Is that something you’re quite open about?

Harry: I think sex can be either something so beautiful or so passionate. Don’t believe in sad sex! But, um, yeah i’m always really honest lyrically when it comes to the songs about sex and I hope others see it as that too.

Interviewer: No it definitely does! Thanks Harry for your time and, um, keep on having sex so that third album breaks even more records!

Harry: Will do man!

It was easy to understand why you were upset. Harry’s biggest inspiration wasn’t possible for this album, because you were too nervous to let him have you. All of you. You felt a burden, as if you were holding him back from living his life and creating something so amazing. His past two albums had been such hits for songs such as ‘She’ and ‘Only Angel’, which were inspired by the intimate times with past lovers. There would only be sad songs if he wrote an album without any spice.

That’s why as soon as Harry came back on the bus, dressed in shorts and a shirt that was unbuttoned to see his toned chest, you jumped him and kissed him like your life depended on him. He was taken back by surprise, but welcomed your lips nevertheless.

Pulling back he mumbled some words against your lips, “Well this is a nice welcome back gift.” He chuckled at the eagerness of your lips and let his hands roam over your body - from your neck to your waist and over your ass. This man knew what he was doing.

“Harry?” You whispered, stopping your kiss and looking at his beautiful swollen red lips. He was a sight for sore eyes.

“Yeah baby?” He kept himself close to you and you could feel the stiffie that he’d developed pressing against your front.

“Can we… I’m.. If you…”

“What baby? Can tell me anything, y’know that.”

“Wanna have sex with you.” You told him the most simple virgin way ever, your face heating up when you saw him smirking down at you. You’d screwed yourself over here and were getting all shy and embarrassed about it.

“Hey, no. Don’t hide from me,” He drew your face back to his and kept his eyes on yours to provide you some familiar comfort, “you sure?”

“Mhm, yes.” You nodded affirmatively.

“It might hurt a little, okay? First time means that your cute little pussy is going to be really tight. Don’t even know whether you’ll be able to take me.” He taunted you, cupping his hands to your cheeks and brushing his thumbs carefully over your skin to ease your tension.

“I w-will.” You moused out, wanting to be this person for him.

“‘Course you can. You’re my best girl and I know you’ll fit perfectly for me, yeah?” He rhetorically asked pushing you back to the bed and letting you flop there. You watched him as he discarded his clothes, following his lead, until you were both naked in front of each other. You’d been this far before, but this time it felt different. It felt more lustful and exposed and nerve-wracking.

Harry bent down and started to kiss you from your belly upwards, leaving kisses everywhere until he reached your jaw where he bit more than he kisses. He loved seeing his marks being left behind on your skin, proving to everyone that you were his and his alone. His hands found comfort ins kneading and squeezing your breasts like dough, loving the way they were so soft and yet so hard beneath his warm hands. As he found your lips and divulged in your sweet tastes, you slunk your hand down and grabbed ahold of his cock, pumping him a few times to get him primed. You felt the trickles of pre-cum drip from his tip and it only excited you even more.

Taking your lead, Harry pushed one of his hands in between your bodies and started playing with your wet cunt, paying extra attention to your needy clit. He knew you loved it when his fingers got rough, so that’s exactly how he played. His tongue was battling against yours, whilst you both stimulated pleasure to one another. The wet and beautiful sounds filled the room, heightening your arousal - Harry could feel it too, his fingers becoming wetter with every circle and pump of his fingers.

“You ready, baby?” He asked carefully, plucking his lips away from yours with a wet sounding smack. You already looked fucked out and he had barely done anything to you yet.

“Y-yes.” You stumbled, so excited yet so nervous. You were finally going to give Harry what he had been missing for so long and you were also going to let yourself go, and divulge in something new and potentially life-changing.

He leant back and rubbed his own cock for a few strokes, before lining the tip of it with your opening. He teased your entrance, making you bite your lip in anticipation. He smiled down at you and mouthed the words ‘I love you’ without any sounds leaving his lips, before you did the same. The head of his cock started to push in, but you didn’t expect it to hurt as much as it did.

“Shit fuck, y’so tight baby. Need you to relax for me, okay?” He asked, pulling away so he could watch your body relax. You closed your eyes and took a deep breathe, reminding yourself that the best way to relax is not to think about the problem itself but oh how you’d feel when the problem’s fixed. You smiled and once Harry could see your shoulders un-tense, he, once again, pushed his cock into your opening. He hissed at the contact, obviously finding it so pleasurable even if it was only minimal contact, but you, you felt so much pain and soreness from absolutely nothing.

You couldn’t do this.

“It should just…” Harry tried a different angle, but your smile had disappeared and your whole range of emotions had resumed to flat and disappointed in yourself. “Maybe if I just..” Harry tried to hold your legs a little wider and guide his cock more firmly into your opening, but each time he couldn’t push past a certain point without your body rejecting him or your facial expressions telling him he should stop.

“St-stop Harry please.” You cried, bringing your hands up to cover your face as you let the tears flow freely. “Please stop.”

“O-okay. Just gonna…” And he slid out as much as he’d managed to get in, which was probably less than an inch. It hurt when he pulled away and your cunt felt like it was on fire. It stung and it didn’t feel right. You felt like a failure and an embarrassment.

You cried into your arms, letting harsh sobs take over your body. You chest felt tight and your eyes stung worse than your cunt did. God, you couldn’t even do one thing for him. You were the reason why he was having a hard time writing at the moment. You were the reason people would be disappointed to hear no sex inspired songs on the album. He might even have to use past experiences as inspiration, which made your heart curl with jealousy. You didn’t feel like you were enough for him, like you would ever be enough for him.

“I’m so sorry Harry,” You sat up from the bed, not wanting to look at him and his disappointed expression as he stay knelt on the bed - cock looking painfully hard still. You scrambled for your t-shirt and your joggers and then walked out of the room, across the bus’ narrow corridor, and into the bathroom.

You looked at yourself in then mirror and were disappointed at what, or who, you saw. Looking back at you was the person who couldn’t even have sex. You couldn’t give Harry what he deserved. You were a failure and it was stamped all over your body. You cried as you looked at yourself, until you couldn’t and you just slid down the wall and onto the floor. You wished for the Earth to just swallow you whole. You couldn’t stand being here when you were clearly broken and useless.

Harry would surely leave you for this. Why would he want to stay with someone who couldn’t even get their boyfriends dick in their pussy? Couldn’t give each other that pleasure? Harry had so many people in the past and surely with you gone he’d have so many people in the future. It would be selfish of you to stay. Harry had needs you completely appreciated that, but it would be just so difficult to let him go when he means so much to you.

There was a quiet knock at the door, which broke you from your cries and self-deprecating. “Y/N? Baby honey? Can I come in, please?”

“S-sorry. Yes of c-course.” You stood up quickly, thinking that he was wanting to be let in to go to the toilet or to have a cold shower go get rid of the hard-on that you’d put there. Too bad you couldn’t have taken it away.

You unlocked the door and shuffled past him, only for him to stop you. He shut the bathroom door behind him, leaving you both infinitely pressed together in the pathway on the bus. He had you pressed you up against the side of the wall and kept his arms at either side of you.

“Sweets—”

“Harry, please don’t say anything. I-I know what you’re thinking and—”

“Yeah? And what am I thinking?” He asked, not moving away from you. You held your cries the best you could and took a deep breathe to continue.

“I’m a disappointment. I-I i’m not good enough. I’m broken.” You choked out, knocking your head back against the wall from frustration.

“Stop it.” Harry ordered firmly, gripping your cheeks in his hands and forcing you to look at him. The look in his eyes was so hard to read, but he looked desperate and worried and hurt. You hated to think that you were the cause of any of those emotions. “Just stop.” Harry’s own eyes were starting to fill with tears too and you brought your own hand up to catch a few of them before they could fall.

“Don’t cry, please.” You begged, keeping your hand pressed to his cheek which he absolutely adored. He loved the feeling of your skin against his. He never wanted to not have it.

“Then don’t say things that hurt me, okay? Hearing you say those things about yourself absolutely breaks m’heart flower. Just because you were a bit too tight to take me today does not mean that you’re a disappointment or you’re a failure or that you’re not good enough. It hurts to think that you’d ever think I would think that, because - fuck -,” Harry pressed his forehead tight against yours and fanned his lips lips over yours. His closeness was everything. “I love you so much it scares me. My feelings for you are so strong and so real. I want your forever and something as trivial as sex is never going to make me want otherwise. Do you get that?”

“B-but the album?” You asked.

“What about the album?”

“I-in the recent magazine interview you said that sex is your biggest i-inspiration. I can’t be that for you.”

“Is that what this is all about? Because you think that my album isn’t coming together because i’m not having sex? Did you miss the part where I said I wanted this one to be perfect and I was taking m’time with it?”

“No.”

“Well I did say that, because it’s for you baby. The whole thing is going to be for you. Every melody. Every lyric. Every song. Just and all for you.” Both of you were silently crying now, absorbed in each others love and adoration for one another.

“I-I didn’t know.”

“Now you do. This album isn’t really for the charts or the awards. It’s for you, m’heart. I love you for a lot more than your body and its’ pleasures.”

“I’m sorry.” You whispered, taking all his words in and realising how irrationally you’d acted out afterwards.

“For what, sweetheart?”

“For even thinking that you’d be so shallow and cold-hearted.”

“You didn’t think that though, baby. I know you and so I know you didn’t. Your thoughts were based around your own insecurities, not to do with your small-thinking over me.” He explained to you, making you nod and kick your lips.

“I don’t deserve you.”

“Well then we don’t deserve each other.”

“But i’ll keep you forever if you’d let me.”

“Looks like we’re together forever then, baby honey.”

[spaceorphan18]

What’s your opinion of Blaine’s crush on Sam, and whether Against all Odds was for him?

Hi Nonny!

So, I'm not going to post the link you sent me - unlike with the Brittana meta that was written by someone who had clearly moved on and wasn't tumbling any longer - I think that person is still very active, so I'd prefer rather than be reactionary just talk about my own thoughts.

I'll be honest, I've never understood all the hoopla around Against All Odds. When Blaine performed the song on the show, during that moment, the song was clearly about his feelings for Sam that he wasn't sure how to deal with.

So. Here's my thing...

Because I think the problem is that fandom has this tendency to look at things in black and white and while Glee wasn't exactly a beacon of literary and artistic genius, I do think it operated on a variety of layers, and sometimes I think people missed little nuances, subtextual meanings, and the greater context of something.

I will be getting to this, eventually, in my musical retrospective - but the thing is, the song doesn't have to be about one thing -- as well as having different meanings when set within different contexts.

Breaking Blaine down a little -- he's a rather emotional guy. He feels his emotions deeply and intensely, and lives in the moment with them. Of course - his feelings for Kurt were very deep and meaningful and real. But he also built a lot of his personality around trying to be something (namely best bf ever) he couldn't even live up to for himself. And then the relationship ended, and he was left feeling without an identity -- who was he if he wasn't Kurt's boyfriend?

And then, Sam came along - who is a relatively attractive guy anyway, and helped Blaine figure out that he could be a full person without needing to attach himself to someone else. So - yes, Blaine's crush does form out of an attraction, but also because Sam was a friend who gave him emotional support that he had only really been getting from Kurt up until that point and -- like Tina says a few episodes earlier -- a lot Blaine's tendency to latch on to someone and have feelings for someone transferred to Sam.

I'd also like to remind everyone that Blaine is a teenager -- even if Darren Criss was well into his mid-to-late twenties at that point. Teenagers are raging balls of hormones that tend to swing from one intense feeling to the next - and don't always make sense. So, I think it's a little unfair to say that Blaine couldn't have strong feelings about Sam -- even if they were relatively fleeting (and they were) and even if he knew they weren't going to go anywhere (they weren't - and one reason Blaine allows himself to crush on Sam is that it's a safe crush, where he won't really get hurt by it).

So, with all of that context set up - let's talk about the song...

Does Blaine like Phil Collins? I'm sure he honestly does. And I'm sure that this song, no matter who it's about (and it doesn't have to be about anyone) is one that he probably really enjoys.

Yes - there's a layer of this song that is about Kurt. I'm sure that Blaine thought about (or listened to) this song a lot when Kurt first dumped him. Blaine has a lot of regrets, and a lot of remorse about how things went down. A lot of the lyrics about not wanting the person to leave... wanting the person to turn around and see him cry... yes, that's about Kurt, and that's about the pain he cause in the break up.

And yes -- there's a part of Blaine who feels that Kurt was the only one who knew him. And yes, Blaine feels like getting Kurt again is against all odds.

But the thing is, at this point in the season - Blaine and Kurt are on their way back to each other. This song doesn't have the sharp meaning for Kurt anymore. That pain is not only dull - but recovering, so I don't think the song's sentiment holds as much weight as when he was probably singing it to himself a few months earlier.

I should also add that I don't think the particular performance that Blaine sings on the show - the one that (and I'll get to it in a minute) is about Sam erases the fact that there is sentiment about Kurt here. Just as I don't think that having an actual friendship with Sam, finding Sam attractive, and having a deep bond with Sam takes away from any feelings Blaine is having about Kurt.

But here's the thing -- when Blaine sings this on the show -- it /is/ about Sam. Is it a bit melodramatically about Sam? Yes - because I don't think Blaine's feelings for Sam are as intense or deep as they were (are) for Kurt. But in this moment - Blaine's feelings are about to come out, and he's feeling very intensely about them - as he's worried that those attraction feelings might cancel out the very real friendship bond that he's created with Sam. And Blaine (being a teenager) is still trying to figure all that out.

So, in relation to the song again, Blaine had felt unseen with Kurt. He had felt unseen by the rest of his classmates - but Sam decided to be his friend and Sam decided to help him through his issues. Blaine let Sam see a bit of him that isn't the performer who tries to showcase his best self to please others -- but that other, darker side that isn't so pretty. And Sam liked him anyway. /That's/ why the song resonates with feelings for Sam now than it does for Kurt.

As per the song - Blaine has felt like an empty vessel for so long, unsure of himself, and Sam sees him as a person of potential and as a person worthy of being cared about - and both of those things are huge with Blaine. So that line - you're the only one who really knew me? Yeah, is about Sam. Because that's what Blaine is feeling - at this moment.

Also, the second chance part of it -- the against all odds sentiment -- is about the fact that Blaine knows that Sam's a straight guy, who is never going to like him in a sexual way. And the fact that he's afraid that if Sam did know Blaine felt those things - Sam would reject him, and he fears the loss of Sam's friendship far more than the loss of him as a potential romantic partner.

Does the song fit perfectly? No - it really doesn't. And I stand by the fact that this song was originally a song Blaine felt for Kurt that he's now transferring over to express his feelings for Sam. But it doesn't have to be a perfect fit? A song's tone and ambience can be enough to express your feelings. There doesn't need to be a one-to-one lining up for something to be relevant.

And... I should add, it's clear by the way the filmed the scene that Blaine was singing this in regards to his feelings for Sam.

Anyway... long winded answer short, songs can take on different meanings and sentiments when placed in different contexts. I don't think this song should be taken as literally as a lot of people take it. It's ultimately about a teenager feeling things really intensely wanting to express that -- the lyrics are nonconsequential at the end things, to be honest.

But I digress...

[askthehiddencaste]

Golden Fields

Winged Lotus drabble

Avonis belongs to @memurfevur

Shuska enjoys a soft, quiet moment with her youngest and her daughter before struggling with herself on what to say in her next letter

“Come now little one, you're burning up.”

Shuska frowned down to the golden hued egg she had been caring for. It has psionics, that was for sure, but the kind was still mostly unknown. 

Though Avonis seemed to have the best idea on what it could be. And to be honest, Shuska was starting to believe much the same.

“Let's turn off that heat miser, you won't hatch if you keep this up Sallom” she hummed softly, gently lifting the egg from its little nest and cradling it against her colder form. 

Thin fingers trailed up over the golden hue of the egg, her eyes lidding half way as she watched for any form of movement from the grub inside.  It had been in her care for almost a sweep at this point, and for Cerium even longer. 

Avonis had explained how the color would stop darkening close to the hatch date, and this pyrite gold shade hadnt changed in almost a week. The lime moved to sit on the couch beside the small nest.

“Sallom  you're scaring mom with how warm you are” she whispered to herself, eyes closing and a soft purr rumbling in her chest. Shuska wouldn't admit it but these soft quiet moments held to herself with a grub, or in this case an egg, held to her chest were her favorites. This and standing out in the fresh falling snow. 

The soft, gentle tapping and scratching within the egg was the only sound in the house while everyone slept. The quiet sounds of life that hardly anyone got to hear. Shuska smiled, her eyes opening just enough to look at the egg in her arms.

“Maybe I should sing to you? Would that settle you down enough to rest?” she whispered, kissing the shell and perking up when the scratching seemed to concentrate at the point of her kiss.

“What? Liked that did you?” she chuckled, leaning down to press another kiss to the shell only for the same reaction to repeat. The lime couldn't help but smile at her grub and settled back down.

“It's time to rest little one” she hummed, softly starting to sing a lullaby for the little gold in her arms.

As quiet as she was, Shuska’s singing always seemed to wake her daughter, Cerium coming out to sit in the hall and listen to her mothers song. 

“Mom?” she asked softly, coming out properly to see how Shuska was holding the youngest of their cobbled together family. 

“Hmm? Oh, cerium. I didn't mean to wake you” she hummed, shifting over and allowing her daughter to sit beside her. 

“It's okay…what were you singing?” she asked as she reached over to touch the egg. Shuska couldn't help but smile at how gentle she was being. 

“It's called ‘Fields of gold’. I was taught it long ago when I was out at sea” she answered. Though she failed to mention why she was out there, Cerium already knew. “Back on the first time?” 

“Yes, the first time. There was a beautiful teal that taught me and a few others as a way to keep hopes up” 

A soft silence settled over them, cerium listening to Sallom’s movements with a bright smile on her lips.

“Mom? Can you teach me?” cerium asked, breaking the silence and bringing a smile to the older limes lips. It had been a long time since she heard cerium ask that. 

“Of course I can… i'll always help you learn” 

***

The next hour was spent with Shuska softly singing and letting Cerium play roundabout with the lyrics until they were both singing and swaying softly with the tune. 

“I think Ann could write a tune that if we worked on it” cerium hummed, yawning softly as Shuska got up. She nodded as she sat the cooled egg back in its nest. 

“Shh… we dont want to wake him up again, i just got him  to cool down” Shuska whispered, cerium nodding and covering her mouth as she got up.

Shuska couldn't help a soft chuckle as she put a hand on ceriums back as the younger gave another soft yawn. “How about you go lay back down, it's the middle of the day and you must be exhausted” she cooed. Cerium nodded and let her hand drop finally,  a smile returning to her mother.

“Yea… try to get some sleep too mom…okay?” she asked, stopping in her doorway and letting Shuska continue down the hall without her. 

“Of course sweetie. Sleep well” she hummed back, stepping into her bedroom and closing the door with a soft click.

Shuska sighed and looked to the ceiling, thoughts straying back to the song and the jade she had been thinking of before.

“Avonis…. I wonder… Could I convince you to wander the fields with me?” she asked the silent room, her hand moving up to gently run over the gemstone of her bracelet. 

She sighed after a moment and turned on the small lamp at her desk, pulling out a scroll of plain paper and spreading it out. 

What could she say? It had been only a perigee since their last letters, since her wriggling day….

With a deep breath she brought out their legend,starting to write in their secret language.

Avonis, 

Forgive the rapid sending of another missive, but I must address a crucial bit of information to you. Last we spoke it was completely for our own entertainment, but this must be addressed as quickly as possible.

Shuska stared at the almost cold words on the page, frowning at herself with a huff.  She shouldn't want to speak to him so warmly, he was dedicated to his duties and according to the cavern the outside world should be denounced and pushed away. 

“Should I even continue writing this?” she asked aloud, a moth in its little container fluttering as though to answer her. She looked at it and chuckled. “You're right. He deserves to know… this is his special secret as well” she hummed.

She crumpled the initial letter and set to trying again:

My Dear Avonis, - 

A disgruntled sigh escaped as she cut the top of the paper off.

“He's not mine to address like that!” she hissed to herself, looking at the cut off words. “Why is this letter so hard to write? What's changed between us?!”

Shuska sat there for a while before blinking. “I changed… Do I really feel like this? Is this actually me?” she frowned “ or is this just… a want for someone to hold me again…?” she sighed again and put pen to paper, trying not to think on what she was writing as she let the pen guide her hand. 

Avonis, 

Forgive the rushed correspondence but I needed to get this information to you. Since we last spoke, Sallom’s shell has darkened as you advised, but the color has stopped growing darker. 

Your first instincts of his hue seemed to be correct. Sallom is a dark pyrite gold and his psionics seem to be heating him almost to overheating while he is active in his egg. 

I feel that he will hatch within the next two weeks at most and i am afraid that i may not be ready to bear the struggle of his psionics when they properly develop

While I know you are busy with your own duties, it would be a blessing to have a visit or even a response via worm to possibly get a bit of instruction on how to best work with a grub on his psionics. 

You are a great help to me in these times of uncertainty and I appreciate every letter you send me.

Shuska read over her writing with a small smile, signing off with a stamp of a leaf beside deer tracks.

She stared at the letter for a few more silent breaths before taking a chance and writing a soft little continuation at the bottom.

P.S.- Thank you for the Yule gift. It helps alleviate how much I miss you when I see it

Shuska could feel her heart racing in her chest as she wrote it but she couldn't stop now, her hands already rolling the page into a tight tube and tying it closed. She gets the moth out and carefully helps tie it to the creature's abdomen.

“Make sure this gets to him safe. Fly swiftly little luna” she whispered, opening the window a crack to let the creature out into the alley that would soon be plunged into the darkness that life thrived in.

With a knot in her stomach, Shuska went to bed. All her hopes now sat in the grasp of a swift little moth.

[music-catalogue]

Beyonce 'RENAISSANCE' first impressions review

OKAY. So I just finished listening to Beyonce's (long awaited) new album 'RENNAISSANCE' and I wanted to jot down and share some of my initial thoughts on the record.

Firstly, I should note how fucking annoyed and embarrassed I was to only realize more than halfway through the album that I had been listening to the clean version the WHOLE FUCKING TIME. THAT frustrated me lol, but that was totally my fault.

When the album cover and first single 'Break My Soul' dropped, I was expecting a very different record. I was expecting a much more straight-up 90s house kind of record with lots of simple, positive, and uplifting lyrics that maybe have more complex meanings. The album cover also hinted to me that there would be some disco influences in there as well, which I will address in a moment. This was a fairly accurate, but not ENTIRELY accurate impression of what the album would sound like.

I'll be honest as well, upon its release, I did not care for 'Break My Soul' at all. I just found it long, repetitive, boring, and not particularly interesting. Nothing about it really grabbed me. It just didn't go anywhere. I really tried to get into it and I really tried to like it, but it just didn't happen for me (however, I think it may be starting to grow on me now. Just a little.).

The opening chunk of the album has some absolute bangers in there, though the opening track itself didn't do much for me. I was honestly caught off guard straight away, as I was not expecting these sounds. Sis is really TURNING IT OUT with some of the production on this album. The album definitely draws heavy influences from disco, house, and funk music, and also keeps a very R&B vibe steadily throughout.

I was so impressed and infatuated by the vocal layers and harmonies on this album. Pure heaven. Like holy shit. They create so much depth and are such a beautiful effect. One of the notable examples of this is the layering on 'Virgo's Groove' - SO BEAUTIFUL. I am a fucking sucker for vocal layering. I especially love when she uses her deeper voice on certain lyrics or in certain harmonies because she has such a mature and BEAUTIFUL deep singing voice. It can be a nice departure from her usual (but still incredible obviously) singing tones, creating more depth and variety in the music.

The transitions between the songs on this record were absolutely FLAWLESS and incredible. Seamless. I was so not expecting that and sometimes I hadn't even realized when another song had started. Truly amazing production there. They crafted the transitions in such a way that didn't ruin the beginning or end of any of the songs by creating an obvious and interruptive shift in the music in order to produce a transition that wouldn't make sense if you were just listening to the song on its own. I admired that a lot.

One thing I didn't love about the album was some of the lyrical content. Notably on tracks like Thique, where the lyrical content is centered around tired ass topics like shaking ass, pleasing the male gaze, cash money, being a 'bad bitch', and just nonsensical garbage that you commonly hear in a lot of modern pop music. Just generic crap. I just thought it was disappointing, especially coming from BEYONCE. I feel like she's above that. It felt tired and, overdone, uninspired, and sometimes even a little, dare I say, substanceless. I get that some of it is just pure fun. I get that and I'm here for that. But it feels outdated at this point. There ARE more ways to communicate messages of empowerment and freedom and fun, which are more interesting and original.

I was also really excited for 'All Up In Your Mind' because of A.G. Cook's production credit, however, I honestly thought it was nothing too special. Quite underwhelming, especially coming from A.G. Cook. I hope the song grows on me more because I really wanted to love it.

AND OMG CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE DONNA SUMMER 'I FEEL LOVE' SAMPLE ON THE FINAL TRACK??? Literally stop. I was so shook. OBSESSED with that. Again, showing some of that disco influence. Hearing Beyonce's slower vocal delivery droning over the bumping upbeat production put me in a trance-like state. It was such a beautiful and simple effect. That is how you end an album!

Overall, I am pretty impressed. Usually, I'm not like a GIANORMOUS Beyonce fan, especially of her album tracks (jeez I'm really getting brave here today with the unpopular opinions), but she has really put together something beautiful here and I am looking forward to listening to it more and allowing the record to grow on me. It's a beautiful celebration of black and queer culture and music. I am SO excited to hear the other two volumes of this project!

STANDOUT TRACKS (on inital listen): COZY, ALIEN SUPERSTAR, CUFF IT, BREAK MY SOUL, VIRGO'S GROOVE, MOVE, AMERICA HAS A PROBLEM, PURE/HONEY, SUMMER RENAISSANCE.

What were your thoughts on your initial listen of 'RENAISSANCE'? Did you agree or disagree with any of my opinions? Keen to hear your thoughts!! Let's discuss.

[sundaysundaes]

Our First Time

Mark Lee X Reader, ft. Johnny | Smut, Fluff | 4.6k | College AU

Summary: Considering your boyfriend never dares to take the initiative to go further than your usual make-out sessions, you have to do the part to actually be in charge of the relationship.

Warnings: Smut, unprotected sex, Mark Lee losing his virginity while being extremely awkward and utterly cute about it, oral sex, fingering, failed fluff (idk man this is just basically me being a thirsty hoe over morkly)

“Remember the suit you wore when we went to your aunt’s wedding?”

Your boyfriend, who has been together with you for almost a year by now, hums in response, not really giving you any glance as he’s busy tapping his pen to his lips, thinking about writing the next lyric for the song he’s composing. Mark Lee has his chest pressed against his acoustic guitar, his hair’s a bit messy and slightly parted to the side, showing his forehead. Considering how close he’s sitting on the floor next to you, you can tell how half of the collar of his washed-out denim jacket stands up, brushing against the end of his dark hair.

“Yeah, what about it?” He continues asking when he notices that you’re waiting for a proper answer. He slips his guitar pick back between his fingers and tries a few chords to match his lyrics.

“I just dreamt about you fucking me from behind while wearing that suit.”

Mark strums his guitar too hard out of shock, making his instrument flies away from his lap, hitting the marbled floor with a sudden loud noise.

“What?”

Still having your head pressed against the table with your right cheek glued to your abandoned college papers, you flatly repeat, “I dreamt about you fucking—”

Mark stands up so fast, you can tell he’s having a slight headache because of it. “No. No. I heard what you said, I just—” It’s a fact that Mark blushes rather easily, but he has never blushed this hard before. “What—why—telling me so suddenly like this—you’re—”

“Mark, you’re rambling.”

“Why are you so calm about it?!” He walks away to pick up his guitar, unconsciously stomping a little bit like a fuming child as he does so. “And why are you lazing around like that? Didn’t you have some assignments to do?”

You finally straighten yourself up, looking at the textbooks you need to read and suddenly feeling like you’re dyslexic from birth. “I dozed off a bit, I guess. I just woke up from that dream where—”

“OKAAAAYYYYY!” Mark scrambles back to your side, crossing his legs and shushing you down by covering your head with your hood until you can barely see anything. The grey hoodie you’re wearing—his hoodie, actually—is already oversized when Mark is wearing it, so it’s basically a dress when you’re wearing it and the hood is big enough to cover your entire head.

You pull your hood away, your hair looking like a mess and by then Mark still has his cheeks rosy from your words and you wonder, whether it really was too much to talk about with your boyfriend?

You have never been the one who gets easily embarrassed about sexual stuff—or about anything really, because you’re a pretty blunt person. It’s his job to get embarrassed about things—even the ones that came out from his own mouth. Mark can be so confident and so awkward at the same time that it doesn’t make sense but you find him to be cute that way.

“Mark.”

“If you’re going to talk about that dream again, I am going to yank my hair out of my head.”

“But—“

“And I’m going to yank your hair out of your head.”

“But then we’re both be bald.”

“That will be your fault.”

You huff, unconsciously pouting, before you finally let go and head back to your papers. You try to hold your concentration longer than a few minutes, but when you hear Mark going back to his guitar, humming a few notes here and there, you just give up because there’s no way you’re going to finish your thesis when your boyfriend is singing so angelically like that.

“New song?”

“Yeah.”

“Sounds nice.”

“Thanks. It still feels a bit weird on some parts though, but—” Mark stops talking when you walk on all fours toward him, pushing the guitar out of his hands and crawl onto his lap. “Babe?”

You sink your face against the crook of his neck, hands going down and circle their way around his back. “Ssshh,” you say, exhaling all of his scents and thanking whoever it is that invented his perfume because goddamn, Mark smells like cinnamon and chocolate and everything that is good in this world. “I’m out of battery. I need to re-charge.”

Mark spends two seconds in silence before he blurts out laughing, “What are you even saying?” He protests but doesn’t push you away. Instead, he rests his chin on your shoulder and cuddles you closer into his chest.

“You’re so warm,” he murmurs, almost lazily as if he’s a few seconds away from sleeping. You answer by placing a peck on his neck which makes him jolt a little in surprise but not breaking away. The silence between you two is comforting but the way Mark’s jeans are pressing against your bare thighs is not so you move around, trying to find the most perfect comfort zone on his lap—not knowing that it is becoming a new kind of torture for your boyfriend. It’s until you feel something growing underneath you that you begin to halt your movements.

“Mark—”

“I know, don’t say it—”

“You’re kinda… hard.”

“I said, don’t—” He lets out a whine, slamming his temple against your shoulder. “Look, I’m sorry, but you keep moving your butt and it feels like you’re not wearing any pants—“

“I am not wearing any pants.”

“Fuck.” Mark is not the kind of man who curses a lot—he only does it when he’s surprised or when he panics as he tries to process what he’s saying next, so the fact that he’s cursing now can mean he’s feeling one of those things or both or for a whole other reason.

“I mean,” you try to explain, “I’m not trying to seduce you or anything. It’s just your hoodie is way too big for me so I thought why bother? It’s not like we’re going somewhere. We’re just hanging out in my bedroom after all.”

“Oh my God,” Mark groans, throwing his head back as he leans against your bed. “Just give me some time to calm down.”

He really looks like he’s trying to will his boner to go away, what with the way he furrows his eyebrows and keeps his eyes tightly closed in concentration. Mark is too much of a gentleman to ask for your help but you’re willing so it’s more like he’s giving one by providing the chance for you to ravage him.

Just gotta play it cool, though.

And by cool, you mean pressing your palm against his groin when he’s not expecting.

“Yo, what!” He jumps like a scared little cat and honestly, he’s too cute—so utterly cute—that you begin to lean up and kiss him square on the lips. “Mmph!” His protest is muffled by your mouth and the way you entangle your fingers around the back of his hair, pulling him close. He stiffens for a few seconds before he finally lets go, melting into the kiss and you know the next one is going to be your favourite part.

See, the thing with Mark is, he acts shy and awkward most of the time but when the moment is right, he can be passionate about things. Like when he’s playing music. Or writing his raps during his free time.

Or kissing you.

“Mark—“ It’s funny that you initiated this, but it’s you who’s losing your breath. Mark takes your hand when you’re about to fall off his lap, pulling you with enough force to make you tumble back to his chest, and slips his tongue inside your mouth as you gasp. His kisses are deep and fast, almost like he’s in a hurry to kiss you before you disappear from his life forever. You never peg yourself to act like a thirteen-year-old virgin—because you’re certainly not—but when Mark kisses you like this, you feel like you’re acting worse than that.

You can feel one of his hands on your thigh, holding you tight to the point it feels like it’s going to bruise. You push his denim jacket off his shoulders when he kisses your neck, lips hovering hot against your sensitive spot, making you say his name in the tone you’ve never made before.

“You,” Mark whispers between kisses, “have got,” another kiss, his teeth nibbling against your bottom lip, “to stop teasing me like this.” Another slip of his tongue, meeting yours for a split second before he breaks off the kiss. “Or else, I’ll go crazy. I am going crazy because of you.”

“Then why are you stopping?” You ask, breathing a little bit heavier. You cup one of his cheeks, leaning up to kiss him again but he pulls away, hesitating. “Mark?”

“I don’t think we should go any further.”

“You don’t?” You grind your hips against him again and his lips part slightly, trying his best to contain his moan. “Even though you’re this excited?”

“That—” He hisses, gripping hips with both hands to keep you still. “Stop it, you’re not being fair.”

“I’m being honest,” you correct him. “What’s wrong? What’s stopping you? What did I do wrong?”

You can tell he feels sorry for making you feel like this and he’s really contemplating whether he should tell you the real reason or not, so you squeeze his hand and smile at him. “Let me know, please?”

He licks his bottom lip nervously before he sighs. “It’s dumb but…” He looks away, trying to hide his face but you see how the tips of his ears are turning scarlet. “You’re Haechan’s ex and I know he can be a little bit, umm… wild.”

It takes a few seconds for you to process. “So you’re afraid that you’re going to be worse than him in bed?”

“No, I mean—“ He seems frustrated and ashamed, like a child being caught with his hand in a cookie jar. “Okay, yes, I guess you’re right. I am. But it’s more than that.”

The way he fidgets and rambles is just so cute—everything about him is cute—but you never say that out loud because he hates being called cute. He always says you’re cuter than him. “Mark, I don’t care about what happened with me and Haechan. I’m dating you now, aren’t I? You’re being jealous over nothing.”

The way he pouts indicates that he doesn’t particularly agree with your words, but he lets it go. “Well, there’s also one other thing.”

“What thing?”

“You know,” he shrugs, hiding his doe eyes behind his bangs. “That thing.”

“What? What is it? What thing?” Then you open your mouth in realisation. “Oh Mark, baby, I don’t care if you have a small dick. Size doesn’t matter.”

“What—NO!” He shrieks, face in flame. “I mean, not that I regularly measure it and compare it to other guys—I have never even seen another guy’s dick—not that I want to—”

“Mark, you’re rambling again.”

“I DON’T HAVE A SMALL DICK!” He exclaims and you hold back a laugh when he adds in a murmur, “At least I don’t think I have.”

“Okay, my bad.” You massage his shoulders, kissing the corner of his mouth. “Then what is it?”

Another silence, then. “I’ve never done this before.”

“What, sex?”

He weakly nods, teeth nibbling on his bottom lip worriedly, and you feel something warm growing inside your chest. The fact that he’s never been with anyone suddenly becomes the highlight of your life, and if you can be his first then you can just die from happiness by the end of the day.

But it’s because of this very reason, that you have to become very careful.

“Okay, then, let’s just take it slow?” You offer and he seems conflicted about his own expression. Part of him looks relieved but the other part of him looks disappointed.

“Why do I feel like we have our roles in reverse?” He asks, somewhat annoyedly, as you settle yourself better in his lap. You let out a small chuckle in response. “Also, your brother is downstairs.”

“He has his AirPods on.”

“How do you know he has his AirPods on?”

“Johnny always has his AirPods on.”

“But—”

“Mark,” you whisper, closing your eyes as the tip of your nose touching his, “Don’t you want me?”

He lets out a shaky breath, having a hard time trying not to stare at your lips that are becoming even more irresistible by the second. “You don’t even know how much I want you.”

“Then just let go. Just give in, Mark.” You press your temple against his and within this close proximity, his scent is intoxicatingly amazing.

“Okay,” he finally whispers back, but since he still sounds somewhat unsure, you add, “Look, we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. Just stop me whenever it gets too uncomfortable for you, okay?”

“Okay now we seriously have our roles in reverse. Should I be handing my dick to you now? I think you’ll make better use of it.”

“That sounds like a great idea only if it’s possib—” The rest of your words is replaced with a yelp when Mark suddenly pushes you down onto your back, your head hitting the floor too hard and now he’s yelping.

“Oh, shit—fuck!” He scrambles with his words and with his hands, trying to help you get up and check on your condition at the same time. “I’m so sorry! I was trying to be sexy and be in control or something like that—shit, it just looks way better in my head—I—Why are you laughing?!“

You can’t help it. This is all too ridiculous. Almost refreshing for you, even. You never compared Mark with your ex-boyfriend Haechan before because Mark is way, way better than he’s ever going to be but you remember that with Haechan, things were wild. So wild, that you constantly got caught off guard, not having enough time to focus on your feelings or your own pleasure and just fulfilling his, and his only. With Mark, you feel like you have so much more to give. So much more new experience. So much laughter. So much fun.

“Oh my God, Mark,” you cackle, wiping away some tears from your eyes, “I love you, but if you don’t stop acting so cute, I am going to ravish you myself.”

“What?”

You blink in realisation. “Sorry, that was too much.”

“No, not that.” He knits his eyebrows together. “You love me?”

You feel your heart drops to your stomach. You can’t believe you just said that. It’s not like you didn’t mean it—of course, you mean it. But you’ve tried your best to wait so you can hear him say it first. You are a woman, after all. And to think that you just said it randomly at times like this? After your boyfriend knocked your head against the floor for trying to be sexy? Not really the way you imagined it to be, that’s for sure.

“Umm,” you fondle the hem of your—his—hoodie. Great, now you’re nervous. Suddenly, those papers you have scattered on your table don’t look so bad. “You’re right, I do have some assignments to do. I’ll just get back to—“

Mark grabs your hand, holding you right on your spot. “You love me?”

You can practically hear your own heartbeat in your ears and it’s really fast. “My thesis—”

“Babe, I need to hear you say it.” The way his doe eyes are holding yours seems unfamiliar. His gaze is firm, unfaltering, and you give in because what else can you do? It’s really how you feel after all.

“I love you, Mark.” You can hear the shyness in your own voice and you curse inwardly because where did your confidence go? You were acting so superior before!

Mark doesn’t say a word and when you feel like dying is a better option than standing awkwardly in front of your attractive boyfriend after your stupid unplanned confession, he suddenly lifts your entire body with both hands and lays you down on the bed.

“Mark—“

He kisses you like he needs it to keep himself alive, and you find yourself closing your eyes shut, moulding your lips against his until you can taste the mint flavour from the candy he ate earlier. He tangles his fingers around your locks, the other hand cupping your cheek to angle your face better so he can kiss you deeper. You can’t help but to arch yourself closer to him, chest meeting chest, hips against hips. You can no longer tell whether the moans come from you or him but everything feels hot and going so fast, like you’re free-falling from a skyscraper.

Perhaps he feels the same way because he gradually slows his pace until he finally parts his lips from you. One look at your disheveled face and messy lipstick smeared from your mouth to your cheek, and he goes back to staring at your lips again with want. He mutters, “Fuck” under his breath, almost inaudibly before he crashes his lips against yours, but slower this time, just carefully savouring every taste and breathing in every scent of you.

Mark pulls away only to grab the hem of his white Van Halen shirt, pulling it over his head and tosses it somewhere without care and you have to remind yourself to breathe because fuck me, that was hot. His hair’s a mess—even messier than before and you think that’s just as hot as he can get but then he pushes his hair back with his hand, forehead showing as it glistens with sweat, and says, “I’m not going to hold back anymore.”

Again, fuck me, that was hot.

Mark seems brave enough to finally just let go and consume you in the way he has been wanting to for a while, but you can tell he’s also nervous from the way he fumbles every now and then, especially when he tries to unhook your bra without looking. He has no problem tossing your—his—hoodie away, but when he keeps his eyes closed as he kisses you, it takes a good minute for him to finally unclasp your bra.

He’s momentarily in awe when your naked breasts come into view but he wastes no more time trying to please you with both his hands and his mouth.

It’s good. He’s good. If he’s this good his first time, you can’t wait to see what happens next. You’re too busy losing yourself in his touch until you feel his length pressing against your thigh. By instinct, you press it harder against his groin, eliciting a surprised moan from him.

Goddamn, why is he so hot?

That voice of his; you want to hear it more and more, so you bring his mouth back to yours, align your hips with his and unzip his jeans. Mark is swearing again, but the more he swears, the breathier he sounds and when you rub him over his underwear, his moans are delicious.

“Feels good?” You ask and he kinds of scowl at you because what do you think?

Surprisingly enough, he pushes your hand away from his crotch and when you raise an eyebrow asking why, he kisses your body lower and lower until his face is hovering above your panties.

“Mark,” you call out, “Don’t try to be sexy and pull my underwear down with your teeth or something. You haven’t reached that level yet.”

He responds by tickling you hard on the sides of your stomach and you almost kick him in the face from laughing beyond control.

After all joking has receded, Mark swallows his breath nervously and kisses you on the inside part of your thigh, slowly creeping down to your heat, mouthing against it from over the fabric.

“Want me to take it off?” He asks in the cockiest way you’ve ever seen him do and you wonder who’s the virgin one in this relationship.

“Depends. Do you want to have blue balls for the rest of your life?”

“I’m kidding, geez,” he says, chuckling a bit but it sounds more nervous and he probably is nervous since he’s never done anything like this before.

“Don’t worry, I’ll guide you,” you assure him and he looks like he wants to retort with something clever and snarky but he also kind of needs your guidance so he keeps quiet and just pulls your underwear down and tosses it away.

Mark knows how to use his tongue, he just doesn’t know where he should use his tongue. That’s when your guidance comes handy, you suppose.

“A little bit lower, Mark.”

“Here?”

“Lower.”

“Umm… here?”

“Whoa, too low!” You spring up from the bed, pressing your thighs together so he won’t lick anywhere weird. “Okay, Mark, there’s my vagina and there’s my ass. Some girls like to have their asses eaten, but not me.”

“Right,” he says awkwardly, cheeks burning bright. “Sorry.”

“No, don’t be. Umm…” It’s so awkward and you both kind of just sit on the bed not knowing what to do so you ask, a bit unconvincingly, “Try again?”

To your surprise, Mark nods rather excitedly, like a child eager to learn and that’s cute and all but in this context? Not so much.

But wow, Mark learns fast.

It’s been more than a year since someone has touched you like this and it feels like it’s your first time again, so you’re quickly reduced to a whimpering mess when Mark kisses and flicks his tongue against your private part. And when he sucks at a particular spot, you’re practically screaming his name.

“S-sorry, did I hurt you?” He asks, pulling away, eyes shaking in concern.

“God, no.” You’re this close to shoving his face back to your crotch. “Don’t stop, Mark, please.”

“But if you’re in pain—“

“Mark,” you can practically feel your patience throwing itself out of the window. “If I’m in pain, I will kick you in the face or tell you to stop, so if I don’t do any of that, don’t fucking stop.”

You know you sound a bit desperate. Or a lot. But is there any girl out there who’s not going to sound this desperate when Mark Lee is using his mouth to utter nonsense when he just did a perfectly good job over there?

Lucky for you, Mark actually listens and doesn’t stop going even if you’re mewling his name, to the point of almost sobbing even, and continues to please you until your thighs begin to tremble in delight and you fall back to the bed with the biggest content sigh you’ve ever made in your entire life.

“How was it?” He asks with a little bit of teasing in his tone because he can see how good it was. You can tell he wants to hear you praise him.

“You, Mark Lee,” you breathe out, looking at him with stars in your eyes. “Are the most talented person in the world and I’m not just talking about your talent in music, but in everything.”

He chuckles. “That good?”

You pull him down by his belt, until his chest pressing against yours again. “That good,” you agree before you crash your mouth against his in the most consuming way you’ve ever kissed someone.

Mark eventually has his pants off and you switch positions when he’s finally stark naked. He’s so shy about the whole thing that he barely keeps eye contact with you, and he stutters hard, asking where the condom is when you begin to position yourself on top of him. You shake your head, telling him that you don’t have one and add, “Just tell me when you’re about to come so you can pull out just in time.”

Mark opens and closes his mouth like a fish gasping for air, probably about to protest but can’t come up with any better solution. Besides, he basically just throws everything out of the door when you sit down on his lap, your walls stretching against his length in one swift motion and he throws his head back.

“Fuck!” He breathes heavily, looking at you specifically at the part where you both are connected. “You’re wet—how are you so wet—and warm—oh my God—I’m—“

“You’re rambling again.” It’s the third time you said that to him in the last hour, which must have been some kind of a record. Not important right now, though. You’re focusing yourself to adapt to his length—because he’s nowhere small, it turns out—and slide up and down when it stings less.

“Okay, shit, wait—“ Mark sinks his nails on the sides of your hips, making you wince a little and he pulls back, muttering “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, but I feel like I’m going crazy. Can we stop?”

“Too much?”

“Too much.”

You tease him by clenching your walls around him and he just groans loudly in the sexiest way you’ve ever heard a man groan. “Babe, please,” he begs, eyes half-lidded in lust. “You’re not being fair. It’s my first time.”

“So?” You can’t help it. You’re having so much fun. You rock your hips against him again and he just loses it. Mark grabs you by the waist, bringing you back down to the bed and muffle your laughter with his mouth.

“Since you can’t stop teasing me about it,” Mark says, spreading your legs apart by instinct and seeing him between your thighs is just the sexiest thing you’ve ever witnessed. “I’ll take control from here.”

Mark moves rather awkwardly, and sloppily from time to time but he is hitting the right spot. He’s too enthusiastic though, which doesn’t make him last long. He comes undone soon after, dripping liquid onto your stomach before your own orgasm can hit you but he doesn’t spend his time lying beside you on the bed. Instead, he quickly inserts one finger into you, then two, pumping in and out as he analyses your expression—making sure that he’s doing right and not hurting you in the process. You clutch your fingers around his bicep, urging him to go faster with your mouth parting halfway in pleasure and he smiles proudly at the sight. Smirking, he brings his mouth back to suck on whatever that is that makes you feel like the world is ending and you don’t fucking care because of Mark, oh yes, Mark!

When you’re done, he pulls his fingers out and licks the tips. He’s probably not trying to be sexy but more out of curiosity or just trying to imitate some dudes in those porn videos he watches from time to time, but goddamn, please do that again.

“Sorry for making such a mess,” he says, pushing the bangs out of your eyes, “I’ll go grab some tissues to clean you up—”

You bring him down to kiss him, senselessly, longingly, and languidly. Just enjoying the moment as you come down from your high. “You know,” you say, “I don’t know if I’m a good teacher, or you’re just one hell of a student, but that was amazing.”

Mark blushes but he grins like a child. “Am I better than Haechan?”

“I hate you for bringing him up because he no longer exists in my life but I bet my ass he’s never going to be as good as you. Our first time is ten times better than my last time with him.”

“You’re being honest?”

“Ten thousand percent.”

Mark plops down on the bed next to you, punching the air in a winning pose. “Hell yes!”

“Mark?”

“Yeah, babe?”

“Let’s take a shower together. You see, practice makes perfect.”

As he’s busy trying to wash the blush away from his face, there’s a loud knocking sound coming from the other side of your door.

“Have you two bunnies done fucking each other’s brains out yet? I need to take my AirPods you borrowed.”

Mark stares at you in horror when you finally remember that you, indeed, borrowed Johnny’s AirPods this morning.

You begin to sweat. “Oops?”

***