#to be fair tl;dr of the first half but still | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

alyssumlovesthecosmere · 2 months ago

Text

So, the other day, Crash Course uploaded a video in their Religions series, about Judaism. Now, I haven't watched any video other than this one, but if this one is any metric to measure by.... well, it's bad. Really bad.

To start, the introduction starts with "shabbat toothbrushes", where John Green describes to us how (some) jews will brush their teeth on shabbat, while ensuring to not break any of the melachot, or prohibited actions. This, in my opinion, as an orthodox jew, is.... quite a framing to start with. Especially since immediately after that introduction, John Green let's us know that there are other jews! who don't do this! and just... sir, I'm an orthodox jew. Sure, I don't do follow that rule on the shabbat- sorry, the sabbath which you then explain is the shabbat to jews (the word Sabbath comes from the hebrew Shabbat), but I follow a lot of rules that folks find strange! And I do not appreciate a video talking about jews sidelining orthodox jews. Framing the video in that way is clearly an attempt to make Jews seem more "mainstream", but it erases, estranges, and (this happens more later on) villifies orthodox jews. Which isn't fair.

But we just started this 13 minute video. At this point last night, I sighed and figured this was going to be just your regular old "Orthodox Jews are strange and bad" sort of video, and resigned myself to that. And then I looked at the sections of the video. One of which included Zionism in it. And I immediately got more worried, because John and Hank donated through Project For Awesome to UNWRA which are.... very linked to Hamas, including there being evidence of UNWRA employees participating in the Oct. 7th Massacre. But okay. Maybe this video will be fine.

Spoiler alert: It wasn't. It was so incredibly bad. John Green admits at the start of the video that Judaism is complex, great! Now explain tha complexity correctly! no. So he starts off his history with... Ya'akov Avinu, sorry- Jacob. Who's a descendant of Avraham Avinu, sorry- Abraham (John uses the english names and not the hebrew one and it just bothers me). Which like... no, Jewish history starts with Eretz Yisrael, the land of Israel. In addition, a large majority of his sources are non jewish sources which is just. Why. There are so many jewish sources on Judaism!

As this is getting long, I'm gonna put a tl;dr here and then a read more cut. The tl;dr is this - the video is a horrendously western view of Judaism video, that seems to be written by non-jews who don't have any expertise in Judaism. It is filled with misrepresentation of jews, especially religious ones, is severely lacking pretty much all of jewish history, doesn't mention MENA/SWANA jews at all, and is quite frankly a disappointment. I'm mad and sad and upset and most of all disappointed with crash course for creating this video.

Still with me? great. I'm wordy and I have twelve minutes of this video to go through still. To make this a bit more organized, I'm gonna go according to the sections that John Green himself gave, and give a summary of what he said and what is wrong or misrepresented there.

The Many Versions of Judaism (aka, somehow not our history nor our story) there are a few things wrong/upsetting here. First off, as I said above, the fact that he uses the English names. Second off, the fact that he, bafflingly, starts the story with Ya'akov getting the name Yisrael, aka when Ya'akov fights with the angel. John then takes this to explain that Jews today still wrestle with Hashem in our own way, but in a... shall I say tumblr style reductionist way. Y'know, the "jews shake lemon at gd angrily behind a denny's" way. This chapter is the only one that will ever mention the ancient Israelites, and never the tie to the land of Israel itself. In addition to this, he describes Judaism as monotheistic, but that "half of religious jews today believe in some other spiritual force, and not the gd of the Hebrew Bible" which had me going what in the what. Just. No. like, sure, i'm a vaguely agnostic-atheist religious jew and uh, no? And I found his source, and well, if I had to guess - the jews who responded assumed that the god they were being asked about was the one in the xtian bible - and so answered no, while John assumed said jews meant the gd of the tanakh, aka hashem. Third, his "devil's advocate" scene is just. Once again, putting down Orthodox Jews, and compares without change Jewish Religious Institutions with Xtian ones. To quote "for a lot of jews, it's more about action than faith", I'd argue, personally, that that line is correct for most jews, as our religion is not really one of belief (orthodoxy) but of action (orthopraxy). And also, I'll paraphrase "many jewish people consider following Jewish law to be the most important thing" yes! yes we do! and not just many, most, that's! the whole! shtick! for us!! (and yes i'm aware this is a simplification). He also manages to vaguely describe Judaism as an ethnicity, and explain that some Jews are connected to the ancestral history (without explaining what that is, no connection to Israel here no sirree), which I guess is fine-ish? (it does not)

The Written Torah So here he starts off with saying that we'll focus on the torah and not the tanakh, as the torah is how we jews conceptualize our relationship to gd and each other. Except that... we also use the rest of the Tanakh for that! (minor kudos to him for saying that the tanakh was written by the ancient israelites. Just no mention of why there were ancient israelites and then we had to come back). The torah gives us most of our rules, but the tanakh expands on them, and teaches us how we choose to treat hashem, how we treat each other. When Jews say the written torah, we do oftentimes also mean the rest of the tanakh. Frankly, going through his sources, I can't figure out what source he used for this claim, except that he uses a lot of non-jewish sources (like the britannica), and very few Jewish ones which is just... why, you can clearly see these jewish sources exist, why not use them? I understand that this is meant to be lighthearted, but he compares the five books of the torah to seasons of friends, which is kinda eeeh. And added to that, his descriptor for bamidbar or numbers is "the ancient israelites wander and suffer through the wilderness" (paraphrased). First off, it was the desert, and second off this is exactly where in the torah we get all of the mitzvot and how to treat each other and hashem. This is it!! why name the book/"season" wrong?? He then continues and talks about how the themes of exile and return are common in the torah, and continue to resonate today, and yet doesn't... explain... the history of us being exiled. Instead, we take a tangent into antisemitism, specifically the plague related kind. Which... fine, I know he's got a liking for that aspect of history, but there's so much more. Of course, he also mentions that the Pope was one of the influential people who pushed back against it and... just... sigh. We're talking the catholic church here. The same catholic church WHO BLAMED JEWS FOR KILLING JESUS TILL THE NINETEEN SIXTIES. If the pope pushed back against it, it was because us jews had more value alive, not because he thought we had inherent value as people. Of course, since we're talking antisemitism, John only talks about xtian antisemitism. The "happy dhimmi" myth is alive and kicking in this video, as there is absolutely no mention of antisemitism within the non-western world. IN ADDITION, by framing the antisemitism the way he did - that the "dumb europeans" attacked the jews but their religious leaders were against it, John inadvertently erases antisemitism by non religious people, and by religious leaders. Both of which are and were alive and well.

Zionism (aka, I had to put this in here otherwise the tankies would yell at me, and I made a mess of it) And then we have this digression, which makes zero sense in the context of the story John is attempting to tell, into Zionism. There is no reason for it, and if it had to be in the video, it should have, quite frankly, gone in at the end. But that is only the start of the woes that I have to say on this section. To start, the amount of sources here are negligeble as compared to the other sections (note the numbers, all previous sources were for the other two sections)

48. Encyclopaedia Britannica | Zionism 49. University of Michigan | Zionism 50. Ben-Israel, Hedva. “Zionism and European Nationalisms: Comparative Aspects.” Israel Studies 8, no. 1 (2003): 91–104. 51. Ghanem, As’ad. “Israel’s Second-Class Citizens: Arabs in Israel and the Struggle for Equal Rights.” Foreign Affairs 95, no. 4 (2016): 37–42. 52. Halpern, Ben (2004) [1990]. "The Rise and Reception of Zionism in the Nineteenth Century". In Goldscheider, Calvin; Neusner, Jacob (eds.). Social Foundations of Judaism (2nd ed.). Eugene, Or: Wipf and Stock Publ. pp. 94–113. 53. American-Israeli Cooperative Enterprise| Zionism: Anti-Zionism Among Jews

[copied from the source sheet]

I haven't read the sources, so I'm not going to talk about them, but the fact that only half of the sources seem to have been written by jews is... not great. At all. And then there's how John introduces and talks about the topic. John compares the themes of exile and return in the Torah and Tanakh to the narrative told by Zionists, and mentions Zionism being a political movement. All of this is correct. However, what John is very obviously missing here is the history of Jews within the land of Israel. He talks about how we wanted a state for Jews run by Jews, but doesn't explain that we wanted it in the land where we came from, a land where we have mitzvot, commandments, that are specific to it. A land that our holidays and calendar center. The fact that this is missing is one of the glaring issues in the whole video. He also mentions that Zionism views Judaism as a nationality, which is true. Judaism is viewed as a nationality in the modern sense through Zionism, but it's also a nationality, or nation, in the older sense, regardless of Zionism. In addition to that, while Zionism is the idea of having a Jewish run state for Jews, it does not preclude the existence of other, nonjewish, people in this state. Which is important for the next bit. He then adds that, quote "this is complicated for lots of geopolitical reasons, but suffice it to say, Jewish people are not the only people with roots or a current presence in the modern state of Israel." Which, I guess does mention our roots in the land, but it also completely flattens the whole story into, what feels to me, "Jews Zionists bad for wanting a state because there are other people". He then mentions the Druze and Xtian and Muslim Palestinians, which is fair but also why specifically the Druze? And if the Druze, why not also the Bedouin? Both are minority groups within Israel, and if you want to talk about minority groups, the Bedouin are equally as important for this discussion! (another friend later pointed out that the likely reason is that the pbs source John uses mentions the Druze (but as muslims, and not as their own religious group which. sigh. Druze are not Muslim), but not the Bedouin. And of course, we get a "not all jews support the zionist movement, but many do" yeah. a huge womping majority. For a reason. At the end of this section he says you can find "much much more" on the topic in the sources and I just have to raise an eyebrow, because I do not count these 6 sources as "much much more" information.

Then, finally, we're off of this ill-placed and wrongly done section, and back to actual religion things. You know. Like how John had said we'd be talking about.

The Oral Torah and the Talmud We start off strong, with an accurate description as to what exactly is the Oral Torah, and what its place within Jewish society and Judaism is. And then... John tells us that there are "two guys who started it". Huh? Who? Hillel and Shammai of course! what. so, to explain to all of you who have somehow read till here and don't know, Hillel and Shammai are just one pair in a long lineage of those who were, according to tradition, in charge of the oral torah. Even more so, they weren't the first in their generation of pairs! (this is the time known as the Zugot, or pairs). Hillel and Shammai are the seventh generation in those who lived during the time of the mishna being slowly worked on and getting codified, and Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi was the one who did all of the codification, FIVE GENERATIONS AND A TEMPLE COLLAPSE AFTER THEM. So I chose to go into the sources to figure this one out, because frankly I'm baffled. And as far as I can tell, this comes from the encyclopedia britannica (again, why) saying that Hillel and Shammai were the last of the Zugot and that they taught the Tanaim (those who ended up writing the mishna), but just. What. Why. John then continues on to explain who Hillel and Shammai are, describing them as "Shammai, the rules are rules type" and "Hillel, the gentle, caring, impossible to anger type". I just- again with the putting down of one side (the stricter side) for the not so strict side. In addition to the fact that that isn't even an accurate description. It would be more accurate to describe the divide and debate between Hillel and Shammai as realistic and unrealistic. Hillel's school of thought, also known as Beit Hillel, worked with and around torah with the understanding that those who will be following it are people, and will make mistakes and need leniency. Shammai's school of thought, known as Beit Shammai, on the other hand, wanted people to strive to following the Torah in the most idealistic way. We follow Beit Hillel nowadays because they were better at taking day-to-day realities into account, but we remember Beit Shammai's halacha because we want to be able to fulfill our mitzvot in that way, and if human life didn't get in the way, we would do so. John Green stop putting those who keep stricter (or more idealistic) halacha as "bad" challange: level impossible. John Green then says, as is correct, that at around 200ce we started writing things down, but once again, he neglects to mention why we felt we needed to shift from oral to written (the answer is the Romans wanted us no longer jewish and we had lost our Temple and were going to be expelled from our holy land again, see, that's two sentences, is that so hard to say?) John Green then correctly explains that they way the Talmud was written down was by layers upon layers, "literally circling each other" however, that's only one portion of the halachic debate, and frankly, the Talmud is definitely not the central rabbinic text today. That's the Shulchan Aruch, which is based off of the Talmud, but collates all of Halachic debate into a masterpiece of a lot of books. It, too, has the layers upon layers thing, because why waste good paper space??? There are more mistakes here, in understanding that the Talmud is The Central Halachic thing, which again - look above I corrected it. I'll also happily admit that he's correct in saying that when we refer to the torah we mean both the written and oral ones. But we still have two sections to go, and I am still as wordy as ever.

Branches of Judaism Here is where I started to go from mildly annoyed at how he treats orthodox jews, to flat out mad. See, instead of explaining the differences between branches in a neutral way, John brings up differences that will make people feel things. He gives examples of questions - can women be rabbis - which will have listeners biased towards those communities that allow it (and yes, it is an issue within orthodox communities, but guess what! these communities are also trying to work within their framework of halacha for women's equality), or "can you push an elevator button on shabbat using electricity when the law says to refrain from creating fires and sparks on that day", which is an extreme oversimplification of the whole argument and discussion about electricity on shabbat, which will lead viewers to, once again, view those who do those things as backward, strange, and weird. And trust me, there are so many other halachic questions that can be used (such as can one heat food on shabbat, considering fire and heat, or how you deal with the dietary laws of kashrut), and idk. Maybe at this point I'm nitpicking, but as an orthodox not exactly a woman, it bothers me! It alienates me from the discussion, and it's really frustrating. He comments that the options you can choose are "unwavering, flexible, or somewhere in between", which to me shows a complete lack of understanding of what the orthodox framework of working with halacha is (too long; don't have time to explain - we can't strictly disagree with stuff but we can slowly push for change that may eventually end up disagreeing with something or another). He then explains Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform Judaism. His way of explaining is, while technically correct, missing an understanding of how we different streams of Judaism practice. John describes the differences as ones of strictness vs openness, lack of change vs flexibility. In reality, the difference between the streams is one of precedence. How much weight do we put on something that was written 2000 years ago? How much weight does our current way of living have? Orthodox Judaism will answer that what was written all that time ago has significantly more weight, that they knew more about halacha than we do, to Reform halacha, which takes halachic rulings from 2000 years ago under advisement, but sees how much the world has changed, and makes the rulings accordingly. I won't touch on his specific examples, and suffice it to say that they were in line with what I said earlier about his examples. They're there to make you feel something about these strange jews he's talking about, and that something is not always particularly nice, especially to Orthodox Jews. He then mentions a few other options, which is fine (though I wish he expanded on the "people who say 'I'm Jewish' but don't identify with any particular branch" as, with everything going on, and his sorely lacking explanation in how Judaism and conversion works, may lead to people deciding to just say they're jewish). After that he says that there "are jewish atheists". Yes. There are also orthodox jewish atheists, I thought we covered the fact that Judaism prefers action over belief at the start? I'm confused as to why he felt the need to add that here near the end of the video.

Next, he talks about the different physical branches of Judaism, and mentions that due to persecution we got to many different places. Of course, he once again neglects to mention the ur-persecution, or ur-reason that we are so spread out - our expulsion from Israel, and the beginning of the Jewish Diaspora (he mentions the Diaspora by name, but not the first reason for it). It's a glaring miss, but not as glaring as what is to come. He then talks about three diasporic communities, and I quote "...unique communities emerged in each new location: Ashkenazi Jews in Eastern Europe, Sephardic Jews in Spain and Portugal, and Beta Israel in Eithiopia". One nitpick and one incredibly important correction. Ashkenazi Jews were originally from ashkenaz, ie France and Germany and eventually got to Eastern Europe as well - the name of the general European tradition is, however, Ashkenaz. The second, and more pressing issue, is that he says that Sephardic Jews are in Spain and Portugal. Those communities haven't been there in a Hot Minute, ie since the Spanish Inquistion. They've been in the SWANA or MENA region, with some exceptions for some Dutch, American, and British Jews. I had to look at his sources, because are you kidding me. Both (all three, if we include Beta Israel) sources are from britannica. Again. My first instinct was that maybe the issue was with the source! I was wrong.

The source for Ashkenazi Judaism (emphasis mine)

Ashkenazi, member of the Jews who lived in the Rhineland valley and in neighbouring France before their migration eastward to Slavic lands (e.g., Poland, Lithuania, Russia) after the Crusades (11th–13th century) and their descendants. After the 17th-century persecutions in eastern Europe, large numbers of these Jews resettled in western Europe, where they assimilated, as they had done in eastern Europe, with other Jewish communities. In time, all Jews who had adopted the “German rite” synagogue ritual were referred to as Ashkenazim to distinguish them from Sephardic (Spanish rite) Jews. Ashkenazim differ from Sephardim in their pronunciation of Hebrew, in cultural traditions, in synagogue cantillation (chanting), in their widespread use of Yiddish (until the 20th century), and especially in synagogue liturgy. Today Ashkenazim constitute more than 80 percent of all the Jews in the world, vastly outnumbering Sephardic Jews. In the early 21st century, Ashkenazic Jews numbered about 11 million. In Israel the numbers of Ashkenazim and Sephardim are roughly equal, and the chief rabbinate has both an Ashkenazic and a Sephardic chief rabbi on equal footing. All Reform and Conservative Jewish congregations belong to the Ashkenazic tradition

As you can see, britannica does in fact mention that Ashkenazi Jews were first in the Rhineland valley (germany) and france, and later moved to Eastern Europe. I have some nitpicking on that as what I said doesn't match but regardless. Ashkenazi Jews aren't in Ashkenaz according to John, they are in Eastern Europe

The source for Sephardi Judaism (emphasis mine)

Sephardi, member or descendant of the Jews who lived in Spain and Portugal from at least the later centuries of the Roman Empire until their persecution and mass expulsion from those countries in the last decades of the 15th century. The Sephardim initially fled to North Africa and other parts of the Ottoman Empire, and many of these eventually settled in such countries as France, Holland, England, Italy, and the Balkans. Salonika (Thessaloníki) in Macedonia and the city of Amsterdam became major sites of Sephardic settlement. The transplanted Sephardim largely retained their native Judeo-Spanish language (Ladino), literature, and customs. They became noted for their cultural and intellectual achievements within the Mediterranean and northern European Jewish communities. In religious practice, the Sephardim differ from the Ashkenazim (German-rite Jews) in many ritual customs, but these reflect a difference in traditional expression rather than a difference in sect. Of the estimated 1.5 million Sephardic Jews worldwide in the early 21st century (far fewer than the Ashkenazim), the largest number were residing in the state of Israel. The chief rabbinate of Israel has both a Sephardic and an Ashkenazi chief rabbi. The designation Sephardim is frequently used to signify North African Jews and others who, though having no ancestral ties to Spain, have been influenced by Sephardic traditions, but the term Mizrahim is perhaps more properly applied.

As you can also see, the britannica also mentions that Sephardi talks about North African Jews. What is that? SWANA Jews exist? and experienced persecution? Couldn't be. Surely all Jews are actually European and are colonizers in the land of palestine (heavy sarcasm and cynicism). I've got to say, I find the fact that using where Jews ended up for Ashkenazi Jews, and where they "originated" (in quotation due to the fact that only the name originated from there) for Sephardi Jews rather disingenuous, as the story being told erases the existence of SWANA jews to an upsetting and worrying degree.

Review and Credits Almost done. Just have to get through the review. John finishes up the story with something that I have mixed feelings about. He describes Judaism as a religion, but that being Jewish doesn't require a religious identity. I find the but annoying. It's not "judaism is a religion but doesn't have to be", it's "judaism is a religion and a people, and a culture, etc etc". Judaism is older than the concept of religion, we're a people, who can also have a set of belief and behaviour, but not doing them does not preclude you from being part of the family (unless, of course, you actively leave the family but that is a nuance not for here). The rest of his review is fine in my opinion. And now, the credits, which have a list of names that don't seem to be Jewish, but I can't find that about all of them (i know at least one of the people in charge of information for either this video or the series in general is definitely not Jewish)

I don’t know how to finish this, other than… Do better, Crash Course, do better @sizzlingsandwichperfection-blog.

#jumblr #judaism #crash course #john green

458 notes · View notes

carrrrino · 1 year ago

Note

HELLO I am very excited for this project! I wanted to express a concern though…it’s rather hard to find the any info on the project aside from what’s on the blog (which isn’t…very much information wise) I’m not sure if that’s an intentional decision…

I know when I first found the info I….kind of didn’t believe this?? That sounds odd. I suppose what I mean is, it didn’t seem the most legit. I did digging through the blog, read all the links, searched for a Twitter and YouTube accounts and had a hard time doing that as well…Simply because there is very little information on it. Which there’s nothing wrong with…I was wanting to suggest (as an outsider) that you and your team put more announcements/ marketing into this…?

I REALLY hope to see this project grow, it’s absolutely deserved, and very few people seem to know about it. I’d hate that to be something people miss out on. I don’t really expect an answer on this but I thought I should share the concern as an outside perspective. 💛

I really hope this project is going well for you and that it gets the deserved recognition as it’s coming out!!! So excited!!!

I'm so happy that people share the same excitement and concern for the series. Also, the fact that you guys think it's worthy of success Is truly inspiring! I think it's time I SAY something though about my current situation.

TL;DR - Our team basically went inactive after the summer; everyone returned to their lives and I'm the only one who can keep up with the project unconditionally. I didn't mean to dishearten you guys! It's a pain in the ass to work alone - excluding voice actors and SFX producers. The OUTBREAK blog will change entirely, it will be used for info and marketing. This blog will just be general art created by me (&no-namestuff). I will continue to work on the series independently, but I'll definitely give out more info as requested and make things more legit whenever I can!

Over the summer, a group of us began working on the project together, but as most of my friends returned to school and their regular lives, it became almost impossible to keep going. Currently, only a few are available to help, but they're too busy.

I didn't want to worry anyone by saying that it's basically just me working on the project; it's tough to balance animating, scripting, marketing, planning, publishing, AND funding by myself. Over time it (advertising and insightful communication) just became indifferent to me, I even considered going silent for a while until I had a mother-load of progress, but that's really not fair.

The project was a bit of a mess when we started. We didn't plan on making it a big deal, my animations were half-assed and incomprehensible; I barely knew how to work Adobe and could barely even pay it off, the sound was going to be recorded via iPhone, the script wasn't even halfway done, and voice actors weren't thought of until the Prologue. After more than six months of work, Verse 1-4 (or 6?) was deleted because of issues with the file.. this really drew the line for everyone.

So here I am, despite everything; I revised the script, which is barely halfway done, redesigned the characters, read more into the multiversal conundrums of AUs and UNDERTALE, built a portfolio, studied poses for the action scenes — and there’s still a lot that I have to learn. I'm working on Q&As, asks, and the teaser / test / project animations. I don't want people to be confused or hesitant, so I appreciate you a lot for reminding me of this. As requested, I will provide additional details about the project too :) !

No-Name's theme is in progress (thanks to Synth Mints), I've invested heavily in software for good quality animations, talented voice actors from this fandom (some you might even know) have agreed to voice for me - I'm extremely grateful for their help. Even if it takes years to release an episode or pilot, I'm still excited about the outcome. Who knows, I might even have a genuine team by then! :D

aw geez sorry for the whole bit-life story, I'm just trying to shed some light on the situation for you all. I do care, I want everyone to know that, it's just hard work.

Until the next teaser animation, please have these lil' pieces of teasers / lore as an apology!

SD by @/galacii ERROR by @/loverofpiggies / CrayonQueen

LASTLY today is my birthday yayyy 🥳🎂

#wish me luck #next anim is way longer than 5 seconds #I hope this sums things up #outbreak #shattered dream sans #no name sans

254 notes · View notes

homocidalpotat · 11 days ago

Note

Whats up? <3

Okay I'm just gonna say everything that happened right here

TL;DR: my neck is really swollen and has a big lump in it; parents are being shit.

So last night, only a bit before midnight, the back of my mouth and tongue started really hurting. Like, stinging and itching and burning. It's been doing that for a fair few days now and I just thought it was connected to the flu I've had. But then my neck started hurting too and I realised that I have a really big lump on my neck and my neck and half of my face is swollen and really sore. The lump is under my skin and it feels really firm and every time I touch my neck it hurts.

So I go to my parents room because I'm really nervous. My neck and mouth are really painful and swollen and there's a lump- of course I'm anxious. I don't think that's normal and it's probably concerning. Anyway, I go to my parents' room and wake them up. They were both really annoyed that I woke them up but I told them I had a lump on my neck. They both told me I was hallucinating and there was nothing there (there 100% was and is). I was getting more and more panicked because they wouldn't believe me and I was scared there was something seriously wrong with me because I'm not a medical professional- I'm a teenager with chronic anxiety. They kept telling me I was being mad and if I was going to the hospital it would be for my behaviour not my neck. My neck was really hurting so I was holding it but my mum forced me to not touch it and pinned me down so I couldn't move at all and I was really scared because I wasn't doing anything wrong and she was acting like I was dangerous and they kept yelling at me while I had a panic attack and they made sure I couldn't move and I was fucking terrified and they didn't understand and they thought I had gone mad. They also thought that because I was hyperventilating I was forcing myself to breathe weirdly and pretend that my neck was cutting off my breathing. They just really didn't understand and they weren't trying to and they were so angry and I felt like I was some sort of rabid animal they were trying to capture.

Eventually I kinda calmed down and my mum forced me to sleep in her bed with her and she was too close to me and I really hated it and it was so uncomfortable and I didn't want physical contact but I was nonverbal and really scared. My dad slept on the futon in my parents' room and was acting like I was being a burden. I did fall asleep.

Then I woke up at about quarter to 7 today and the lump was still there- maybe even bigger so I went to my room and that's when I first went on Tumblr. I've almost had a panic attack again since, my mouth really hurts, my throat is burning and my lump is really painful. My face feels kind of droopy and numb and swollen. I am really fucking scared. I know it's probably nothing but google said it's cancer and my friend said his sister had something similar and she had a parasite and I am so nervous because my parents won't even consider taking me to the hospital because even if they acknowledge that my neck is bad, they won't do anything about it. I can't find anyone who has any reliable advice either, unless I literally run away from my house to the medical clinic about a mile away and I'm really fucking scared to do that and I feel stuck.

Also if I don't eat in too long I can pass out, feel sick, be sick, or a great number of things and I don't know if I can get stuff down my throat right now with how swollen my neck is because when I cough I can feel the lump.

So uhh, two things. Neck really hurts, is very swollen. Parents are being fucking shit.

Update: mum told me to take some painkillers and said it was because of my flu. She won't take me to the hospital probably even though she said it will probably be there for a week. She's not anywhere near a medical professional. She has kind of realised that I'm in a lot of pain. I still haven't had breakfast at 10:38... but I might make a smoothie.

#should i tag this #do i need tws #idk #tw abuse #child abuse #tw abusive parents

19 notes · View notes

sysmedsaresexist · 2 months ago

Text

I snapped today

(Well, yesterday, but I made a point of sitting on this to make sure it was what I wanted to do)

I'll be making a post at some point to address some of the drama that I'm sure many of you have been seeing over the last couple months, but before I do, I want to just talk about something personal.

Edit: this is the post. This is the only post I'm going to make addressing the drama. This will be my response.

A vent, rant, I don't know under the cut.

The TL;dr I broke my leg in a way that fucked it up for life and I'm depressed and struggling and being dragged into drama. I want to talk about it, because I never talk about this stuff, and I'm so tired of all of it.

I'm too old for this kind of drama.

A deep dive into my mental health, physical status, my side of the story, and a message for anyone still struggling with the problemaddtic situation.

Earlier this year, I slipped.

I was telling one of my clients about it at work, he's an older gentleman, very sweet, and his reaction still makes me smile.

He asked how I fell, and I said it was black ice.

His eyes went wide. "Black ice? That's dangerous and invisible!"

It sure is, friendo... it sure is.

It was really bad. Both sides of my ankle were crushed to dust. I was in a cast for nearly 8 months. I got an infection around the metal pins and was ill. The pins had to be pulled early, which extended my recovery.

I still dream about the feeling of them trying to pry the pins out of me. You're awake when they do it.

11 months later, I'm still in physio, I've had to add chiro and ortho to my weekly appointments. Most days, I walk with a very heavy limp. I don't have full rotation of my ankle, and I hurt myself a lot by turning too quickly. I still struggle to stand for long periods-- like cooking dinner or showering.

It's becoming increasingly apparent that because of the amount of "hardware" in my leg that I won't get full rotation back. I already have arthritis, so this is wonderful.

I hurt. A lot.

It's not the pain of a broken ankle or leg.

It's this constant, dull throb in my bones. It's the constant "full" feeling as I walk, like my ankle is surrounded by a thick gel that slows its movement. It's sharp, breathtaking stabs when I turn wrong or too quickly. It's the pain that's spread to my already damaged and arthritic hips that keeps me up at night. It's never being able to get comfortable.

Mentally, I'm a wreck.

I already hated this body, and now my leg is scarred and deformed. I'm constantly terrified I'm going to fall again. I'm incredibly self conscious about whether people can tell and if they're judging me. I can't walk fast enough to keep up with crowds, and people are cruel about it. My balance is horrible. I'm realizing all the things I won't be able to do.

I love hiking so goddamn much, and my dream of hiking the orcas island is dashed.

In 2012, after the assault that nearly killed us, it was where we were sent to heal. Elevation 2,500ft. See that little tiny thing at the top?

It's an old observation tower. The end of the hike. I was only able to hike half at the time, but I was driven to the top.

I'll never hike that now. I'll never finish my goal after the assault.

My relationships have taken a massive hit.

I'm angry.

I'm so fucking angry.

He was just a kid, that was just a bit late to his job. The lot should have been salted twenty minutes earlier. As I was lifted into the ambulance, I saw him standing at the front entrance, with his little shovel and bucket of salt. The nephew of the owners, and I could see the fear in his expression. A way to save money over hiring an outside crew.

And now my life will never be the same.

I'm angry for everything that was taken from me.

I'm angry because it doesn't feel fair.

I'm angry because I'm scared all the time now. It won't be much longer before the first snow. I cry every time I think about it.

I'm struggling to come to terms with things.

Today, I had to be in the office, and it was really rough. Normally, I can work from home, but I need to be on site every couple of days. I'm really struggling with forward movement the last few days, and I'm just in a lot of pain after that much walking.

And something snapped in us today.

"Good forbid I mentally NEED to maintain my own sense of peace for a few months so I don't fucking off myself at the idea of my new depressing life as a goddamn cripple"

I have a lot of feelings about this message that I sent to the person posting about me.

I don't like the message. I want to know which one of us is responsible-- who has such deeply negative feelings about disability. I know we're struggling, but maybe I didn't realize how much.

It's terrifying when you have a CDD and your alters talk like that. Looking around in your own head like, "okay, raise your hand if you want... to die..." and everyone is like

"Does anyone want to claim that message?"

In the screenshots below, you'll see me say the above. I guess I just want to provide context and get out thoughts that have been trapped in my head.

I just want this person to leave me alone.

Between my injury, the drama with AEV and our change in stance from anti to pro--

Finally putting an end to my petty drama with Sophie, and ongoing drama with another system that we were casually flirty with for a hot minute (fucking try me, seriously, I don't care anymore, always threatening to publicly post our fucked up relationship drama, GO AWAY, YOU WILL ALSO LOOK BAD IF YOU DO THAT, YOU WILL ONLY SUCCEED IN HUMILIATING US BOTH AND ACTUALLY DOXXING ME), we refused to take part in the release of the most recent sophie doc.

All of this was happening at once.

Now don't get me wrong here-- I've already explained this in another post. It was mostly my content being used in the doc, and that of one of my friends, and I agreed to help go through my posts. I ATTEMPTED to participate in the creation of the doc, though eventually I admitted defeat and said that I would not be able to help. Every time I opened my old posts I hated myself more. I don't like that person. I hated the way I behaved.

And I was struggling so much with finally seeing Sophie as a real person with real feelings and Reasons™️ for doing things. Just like I have reasons for doing things. Just like you have reasons for doing things.

I told them I was struggling, and how and why.

I told them in my very first message that I would not publicly participate, for all the reasons mentioned.

I was not well.

And the posts being made about me are in anger that I didn't stand up for the doc or them.

The one I specifically said I would not get publicly involved with.

And while I wanted to support you in the aftermath, your final messages made me feel as though I shouldn't reach out to check on you. There are several people that will tell you that I worry about you, that I have nothing but positives to say about you, that I stress that you're Going Through It™️ and should be left alone.

People ask me about your posts, whether they're true, what's going on. You have me blocked, but I know you're going to see this. I don't need to look at your blog to know what you're saying, complete strangers fill me in.

It's fantastic, I feel great.

Every time I start to relax, someone new reaches out and it starts all over again. I'm so tired of drama.

Despite everything, despite the fact that you hurt me too, despite the fact that you're actively traumatizing me right now, I still apologized to you.

You'll get your post, but it'll be the truth.

You sent a LOT of messages, at the time I couldn't read them, I mentally could not handle it after our last conversation, but I got the impression you wanted me to post something. I was right.

Today I learned about a new post, and a new blog, and I snapped. I finally managed to bring myself to read your messages in full. And I responded, prompting ANOTHER post about how I'm trying to silence you.

I'm not doing this anymore.

Here are the messages. People can decide for themselves.

But let's actually talk about what you're blaming me for.

While I posted several times about you on my blog, these are the posts in question, where I supposedly started this "rumor", almost two years ago.

TW, SA, ending after the next set of images

When I first read your post, my first thought was, "that's what he said to me."

For survivors, "the only thing you're good for," often brings their assault or abuse to mind. Is the problem that I tagged it as SA? Is that how you think the "rumor" started?

Whether you intended to trigger people or not, you did.

I'm sorry that you're still receiving harassment, and I ask that whoever is reaching out to blue's mutuals to leave them alone. That entire situation was a mess and everyone played a part.

Chances are, though, you're not sending those messages because of me or on behalf of me. It's far more likely that you're sending them because you, yourself, were triggered by blue's words and behaviour.

I don't really have a right to tell you to stop, if that's the case, but as much as I've changed, so has blue.

Everyone deserves a second chance.

People gave me one.

Blue, I meant it, you're brilliant and funny, you deserve better, and I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I wanted to be friends, I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I never wanted to. I'm sorry that I wasn't well enough to help you. I thought I had been clear.

Now everyone leave me alone.

#personal drama #personal vent #likes and support are welcome but this isn't going in any tags #this is my life and very personal #now please leave me alone #problemaddtic #sophiecourse #tw mentions of assault sa surgery broken bones #uhhh #tw

22 notes · View notes

batmanisagatewaydrug · 1 year ago

Note

hey weird question but, with the context that while conspiracy thought in and of itself is just a sort of dangerous logical fallacy, most conspiracy theories have some kind of tie to antisemetism, are there any antisemetic aspects to gaylor theory? i can't think of how but somehow it almost always weasels in there, no matter how innocently silly something seems on the surface.

DEEP SIGH okay it's time to talk about Scooter Braun and his place in the Gaylor conspiracy

I'm not going to recap everything but will instead link you to this US Weekly article (I know, sorry) which is basically a fine summation of events despite being a bit sensationalist in calling a business disagreement between two adults a "feud"

tl;dr for anyone who doesn't want to read all of that (it's not actually that long, I prommy): in 2019 talent manager Scooter Braun acquired Taylor Swift's former record label Big Machine, giving ownership of the masters of her first six albums. Swift objected to this very publicly on the grounds that she wanted ownership over her own work and had repeatedly been denied the opportunity to buy it outright, while also alleging that Braun has been harassing and bullying her for years. ultimately, Swift has remained unable to buy back her work, leading to her steadily re-releasing expanded versions of her first six albums under the "Taylor's Version" headline.

obviously, given my stance against speculating on the personal lives of famous rich people, I'm not particularly interested in debating whether or not there's merit to Swift's accusations against Braun, although given the exploitative nature of the music industry I hardly think her claims are implausible.

regardless of whether or not Braun sucks as a person, it's important to note that he was only very briefly in ownership of Swift's discography: as the linked article above notes, he only owned them for about a year and a half before selling them off in 2020.

despite this, Braun holds what I would consider a rather outsize role in a lot of Gaylor conspiracy theorizing, with many apparently believing that Swift fully intended to come out in 2019 with the release of her seventh album, Lover, but was prevented from coming out by Braun purchasing her discography. I've seen some claim that he actively subjected her to homophobic bullying and others saying that she didn't him to financially benefit from any career boon she might have after coming out (although no one ever seems to have an answer for why she still hasn't come out three years after he sold her discography).

I can't say whether or not the majority of Gaylors, like, know or care that Braun is Jewish, but it feels tragically predictable and yucky that a Jewish man is given such a disproportional share of blame for why Taylor "can't" come out and is made a scapegoat in the ongoing effort to evade reality with "arguments" like this

(source)

... hang on, what's that?

oh man I love when a Jewish family gets put n SCARY ALL CAPS

okay so let's talk about Karlie Kloss and Josh Kushner!

as many of you probably know by this point, Karlie Kloss is the pinnacle of Taylor Swift's platonic gal pals that she gets relentlessly shipped with; I think it's fair to say that "proving" a romantic relationship existed between the two of them is the primary focus of a lot of Gaylorism.

since 2018 Kloss has been married to Josh Kushner, heir of THAT Kushner family. his infamous brother Jared is in fact Donald Trump's son-in-law and probably guilty of, like, a lot of federal crimes. that doesn't inherently make Josh a shithead or anything and he and Kloss both claim more liberal politics, although it should be noted that like a lot of rich liberals Josh does also suck pretty hard. he and Jared own a real estate management company together and were suing their tenants and evicting them during the COVID-19 rent moratorium, so that's kind of everything you need to know about him and Karlie Kloss IMO!!!

having said that, Josh being a bastard landlord doesn't make it appropriate to frame a Jewish family as having some kind of sinister interest in suppressing a queer woman's sexuality or imply that Kloss and Josh Kushner are in some kind of sham marriage. for YEARS Kloss' marriage to Kushner, including her conversion to Judaism and their two living human children, have been dismissed as elaborate turbo-bearding, with some Gaylors going so far as to allege that Kloss and Swift have actually been married for years and Kloss is just having Kushner's children for... reasons unknown... which feels like, you know. a pretty gross dismissal of a Jewish family in favor of pretending two WASPiest WASPs to ever WASP are secretly scissoring.

anyway I certainly don't think it's the most egregious or deliberate anti-semitism that's out there in the conspiracy world but are there some Gaylors blaming The Jews(TM) for forcing poor innocent Taylor to stay in the closet? resounding yes.

#gaylorgate

109 notes · View notes

lllllllllllines · 1 year ago

Text

(I urge that you read this to the end, as I know some of you will take pieces of what is said here and use it as ammunition for more drama. I can't really do tl;dr because i feel like it would ruin a lot of my points)

I don't usually like to deal with drama or discourse in general leaves a bad but I feel like this needs to be said.

This discourse is stupid, a lot of different points on either side due to several reasons at least in my opinion.

Ive seen many people who were against palworld use claims for stolen designs, mentions of AI art as well as lots of people either acting in defense of game freak/TPC/Nintendo as well as some acting in defense of artistic integrity.

I've seen the people who were for the game act in one singular way while just trying to have fun with it(which i cannot deny, it looks fun as fuck).

This being them claiming that they are just kissing the boots of Nintendo, though i don't think its quite fair to put them in the same category.

Just have fun with the game, no need to engage with the hate if you don't want to(even though i know it's difficult, especially when it's staring you in the face).

For those who are for, I only have a couple things to say.

Companies are not faceless entities, I know that this sounds like basic knowledge but I've noticed that's not something people usually mention.

Not everyone who attacks this game, cares for pokemon. Im gonna go in more depth when i get to them, but i feel like this needs be said.

While there are many good things on the internet, the internet as a whole, especially nowadays, is chaos and pain.

So many different opinions, leading to low self-esteem and rage.

You just want to have fun, you probably don't like pokemon, or if you do, you probably don't like what they've been doing with it.

You've seen the early trailers and had a laugh, found out this year that it came out, sought it out be cause hey, could be a bit of a meme.

But soon you start to actually have fun with it and hope it succeeds, despite some of the designs not being totally original, and you don't care.

But soon, like usual, you find that there are people who dislike the game.

In the real world, it doesn't matter to you, it rolls off you like nothing, because you don't know them, maybe you get into a heated argument with a friend.

But as soon as you hit the internet, you feel as though people are personally attacking something you like, (emotions are hard to convey through text) so you defend.

Not really caring about how it sounds to those you desperately fight against.

But in the end that's just adding fuel to the flame.

(though I can say that this discourse is great publicity for the game, good or bad it still lets people know that it exists.)

So just have fun with it.

(Unless dealing with discourse like this is fun for you idk)

For those who are against,

I am first going to speak to those who seem to want to defend Game Freak/TPC/Nintendo and those who speak for artistic integrity.

Why do any of your thoughts matter when it comes to a company.

as I had stated earlier, people usually associate companies and conglomerates as faceless entities.

They don't see them like systems, heavily broken systems, like if a beehive were born from an unloving tyrannical queen.

The ones at the top exist to fill their pockets while those at the bottom suffer for it.

I bet around half of the people speaking of artistic integrity don't really know the names of the designers of each pokemon(and to those who do, I'm glad, cause then I know you know what you're talking about.)

I feel as though speaking of artistic integrity only works when you're talking about an individual.

Which means, by extension, that a company like Nintendo, or the other two companies that own or work on the ip, those that see only the product and the work.

To them, artistic integrity is dead.

Why else would the shoot down fan works so heavily?

To keep their product close to the chest.

But what about the claims that they stole from fakemon artists?

To my knowledge, (please let me know if im wrong) there has only been one claim of such a thing, and it was soon taken back as they soon found out that the palworld model was older than their's.

Which im pretty sure proves that claim false.

And to the people who are against AI art, don't get me wrong, I hate the idea as much as you do.

But AI image generation like many things is a tool.

And if used properly, tools can be useful.

like say for example, you have an idea you want to draw, but you can't fully figure it out in your head.

There are no pictures that fully convey what ur thinking in the depth you want for a reference, you could use an image generator for reference.

Add to an image in your own way, while removing the parts that were taken by the algorithm.

Be creative.

When tools are used properly, they can do a lot of good things.

The reason people hate AI art, is because people are being stupid and lazy with it.

Hell, i think pocketpair realized their mistake a long time ago as not only has that game been absolutely shat on in the steam reviews, but you cant even find it on their website, or at least i haven't.

Lastly, I'm gonna show you a trailer for a game pocketpair is also making, it should be coming put Q1 this year.

A game I have not heard mentioned this whole discourse.

youtube

As an honest question, what part of this looks AI generated to you?

Its a 2D sidescrolling platformer, said to be a mix of a metroidvania and a roguelite, also with base building elements since that seems to be a commonality for them.

The only things i could see that were taken or inspired by are the backgrounds, which feel very hollow knight, and the main mechanic being a possession mechanic which loosely reminded me of super mario Odyssey.

I've seen AI 2D animation, and it's usually pretty jarring due to how quickly everything warps and changes as things move.

I don't see that in this.

Nor do i recognize any of the monster or character designs.

I could be wrong and both palworld and never grave could be scams, seeing as both are in early access.

And if or when i am, then that's egg on my face.

Those that were all happy to play a new and exciting game, will seeth and mald.

And you can live happily, i guess.

But it at least shows they know some integrity.

I mean, as long as they make any of the new pals that come out more original than the 111 that they have now, we should be fine.

The only time we should be outraged, is if there is sort of harm coming to the workers, and I don't think I've heard any news on that.

If it bothers you that much, make your own game.

Actively do something about it rather than complain on the internet.

Like, I can't even imagine how difficult that is.

Especially for a smaller company.

Pokemon has it easy, It doesn't need defense.

Defend it from itself before defending it from others.

Stop paying for shit that doesn't work out the gate.

Do something to force the people making the bad game to do better.

And stop trying to shit on the little guy for your own ideals.

Criticism is fine, yelling over a game on the internet is not.

Not by a long shot.

But hey I don't think anyone is gonna read this.

Much less to the end.

Because I've scrolled passed shorter posts for less.

#palworld #never grave #pocketpair #craftopia #nintendo #Youtube

31 notes · View notes

rose-tinted-vision · 11 months ago

Text

Once again being annoying about a journey to love on the TL:

I think one reason why I still cannot get over AJTL is because!! of how beautifully and realistically it portrays the relationships between characters, and more importantly, it does not outright shove the main pairing into our faces. their relationship took time to develop which made it more realistic imo, and is a nice contrast to a lot of shows these days that seem to have characters falling in love in the span of two episodes.

(I've made a tl;dr a while ago here)

Episode 7

As in- the main couple is shown quite a bit, yes. They get their fair share of screentime, but the drama also focuses on the friendships between the liudaotang squad, the sibling dynamics between NYZ and YY and how it parallels with RRY and LTG.

It really highlights the different kinds of love that one person can have in this life, like the platonic love between YSS and NYZ (imo), the familial love between YL and NYZ, the romantic love between RRY and NYZ, all of it really balances out and i love that.

Then there is also the fked up obsessive love that LTG has for RRY, and the drama shows that you can still recover from that (we are ignoring ep 37 here), it shows that you can still move on from that and grow from there- you may not necessarily forget them and that is okay.

Episode 26, 36 "my master is the only woman I'll ever love."

Then theres also the love for the country, embodied by how LTG and YY entered a loveless marriage for the sake of their countries (ep 37), and for the sake of protecting what their loved ones are fighting (and died) for.

It is also, arguably, shown by how Qian Zhao died to save the King's life for the sake of maintaining peace in Wu, even though his entire objective was to kill the King.

Another thing I really liked was the emphasis they gave to Yang Ying's relationships, her attempts at finding love and the way they validate her feelings about it- she had just realised how much of a scumbag Zheng Qingyun is, eventually moved on to slowly having feelings for Yuan Lu, but entered a political marriage with Li Tongguang in the end- and she's still so young.

"As long as you gave a clear conscience, even if a woman has only loved one person, or loved multiple people in her life, she still deserves respect"

(Lastly, there's Yu Shisan who's like. the embodiment of love in this drama- not just because of his flirtatious nature, but its in those small scenes that really shows how deeply he loves.

There's the start of the show, where he volunteers to take the punishment in Yang Ying's steed (ep 6),

then there's the episode where NYZ clarifies to Ruyi that it's because YSS is too worried that he is acting indifferent (ep 8). Then there's all the scenes where he periodically checks up on NYZ (ep 10, 31, etc), his concern for Ruyi putting all her eggs in one basket (ep 20ish), the talk between him and JMN where she admits that YSS treated her well (ep 30).

And then there's his death. There's this wonderful post that has been haunting me for months. How do you save Yu Shisan, when half the people he loves is dead? How do you save him when, even if he survives, would not allow himself the love that he gives away so freely? (see: first half of episode 39)).

Just know that this show has me feral over it's brilliant writing. They got me from the very beginning when they portrayed NYZ's emotional intelligence and acceptance of RRY and his consideration for her. (and when they introduced Yuan Lu. I went: that's my blorbo from this show).

#i am so completely normal about this show #I am so sorry to be yapping about this show again #it just. suddenly hit me in class. about this show and the theme of love #a journey to love #Ning Yuanzhou #Yu Shisan #Ren Ruyi #Yuan Lu #did i write three paragraphs for yss? no you didn't see anything #i wanted to put more screenshots in this but alas the media limit

28 notes · View notes

that-spider-fan-over-there · 8 months ago

Text

Okay I have calmed down from the leaks since last night- And I have opinions (some of them are salty; again, it's because I hate leak nights XP)

Yeah I stand by what I said: This isn't the end for Tenko, since his Quirk is still half of Overhaul's, there's a chance he'll get a Quirk Awakening the vestige world (or wherever the frick that dude is, AFO/OFA all but were mutually destroyed).

So maybe it is a rebirth (If there's a chapter called "Tenko Shimura: Rising" or "Rebirth" remember I called it XD) for him, either rising from the ashes like a phoenix or even shedding that coccon from the butterfly metaphor, it is one of his motifs after all.

I'm also split 50/50 on Izuku ending the series Quirkless, but I believe it's a red herring- because he and Tenko did fist bump before he decayed, bloodied fist. OFA has a conscience of it's own, so if you say it was a "Heroes: Rising" ending I'm gonna have to ask "from the drafts" or the "final product". But to be fair I was already biased when it comes to this outcome.

Also, that thing from Chapter 362, I'm still on edge about that one; because it could've been an afterlife thing but he doesn't even know what Aura Might looks like, so maybe we'll get a return on that (I'm sorry for constantly bringing it up but I refuse to believe that was a small easter egg HORIKOSHI WHY WAS KATSUKI THERE-)

Oh yeah, speaking of which: if the goal was a perfect victory with no casualties, then Izuku won against AFO to save Tenko, but the mission isn't finished yet until he sees Tenko taking his hand with a smile; how is he gonna do that, unsure, but he does have a knack for making unlikely things happen. Remember, Eri herself wasn't saved until she smiled at the Cultural Festival.

Also maybe (and it's a huge maybe) that's the thing that breaks the hidden POV- faced with a failure from the very thing he was trying to avoid, breaking down because. Well look at everything he got thrown at him post-PLF, burdened to save the world, failing to save someone and realizing he can't be a sitting duck, finding out one of his friends was a traitor, didn't even get time to process Katsuki's death, thought he'd be unable to stop Toshinori's, for a brief moment lost his arms-

This one might actually make him get close to a Despair Event Horizon, (I'm 100% sure if Mirio wasn't there he'd shut down by 367) ... then somehow, he gets convinced to not give up, of course it's by Katsuki (he's already there might as well XP) because he's the only one that can make things stick in Izuku's head atp, finding the motivation and getting that mixed with determination to say it's not over yet. And it isn't.

Besides, I don't trust the leakers to do a good translation over bait interactions, they've done it three times that I know of, so uh maybe don't gather your emotions from what they say; trust me, it's an annoying spiral of doomerism.

... plus if Tenko actually somehow transferred something of AFO/OFA they don't have the vestiges anymore so uh maybe something is still shimmering under the surface (I'm getting my own hopes up XD). Also again I do want a follow-up on 362 because I want Tenko and Katsuki to interact it'd be very funny even with the angst in my freaking opinion please-

And one more thing: I have yet to see Izuku reaching out with a smile to save others like he wanted in the first place.

TL;DR: It's most likely a red herring, Tenko is gonna shed the Tomura mask he was trapped in and come back somehow, maybe the vestige world is intact but without the users or AFO, and I still wanna know what the fuck was 362 about. Also no offense but.

This fight is only gonna be a loss if Izuku finally breaks down, gives up and no one (*cough*letsberealitsKatsuki*cough*) is able to convince him otherwise. And we get a shit time skip. Either of the last two would have to happen for this to be real and it hasn't yet so wait this ain't over.

#spider.posts #Boku no Hero Academia #BNHA Leaks #BNHA Spoilers #MHA Spoilers #Midoriya Izuku #Shimura Tenko #rule 1: enjoy the leaks reactions. rule 2: never trust the leakers themselves. rule 3: there are better translators please-#pikahlua. bakuhatsufallinlove and oshiawaseni here. been_beenmaigto on twt. they have more accurate translations #can't guarantee they're perfect but I can guarantee they're leagues better because they actually dig the story's meaning damn it #I do have a lot of mixed negative feelings about this chapter but let's not jump to doomerism yet

15 notes · View notes

defmaybe · 5 months ago

Note

When is "Mistake" going to be posted🙏🏻🙏🏻

Hello my first ask!!!

tl;dr, full version after keep reading: I vaulted the first version. But y’all seem to want this, so I’ll try to push it out as soon as possible. My best guarantee is in a year + a few shorter works on the way.

Into the main story, I was going to debut with Mistake lol. However, a few editors/beta readers gave feedback regarding the work as too demanding, which I do understand their concerns.

See, many aspects in the first version require readers’ enormous efforts to connect the dots, and by enormous, I mean it’s sometimes incomprehensible. Some of the parts were written while I was drowsy, sometimes drunk even. And to be fair, the work is currently too raw under my emotions.

Plus, I relied too much on Google Docs grammar assistant, and the work didn’t meet many of the grammatical rules. I thought my decent competency in English would help avoiding those pitfalls (it didn’t). So, that 15k of words are currently in the storage. I can’t assure if I’ll have the courage to open it again.

Still, with the unbelievable reception - currently 200+ notes for just a few words lol, more than one-third of Noona from the Bar, I’ve restarted the work mere hours ago. I’m keeping the core of it, pretty much - Minji angst then Haewon fluff + smut. And I’m very sure that it’s going to be of the same length as the first version.

Now, I want this to be as good as possible (half as good as @capslocked’s Departure would be an honor), so it’s going to take a lot of refinements. The first took around four months of on-and-off writing, so I’m not sure regarding the release date of the new one. But I can guarantee you one thing, I’ll definitely write it; it’s a very personal story that I’ve been aching to tell with the help of these two women. And starting now, I’m expecting a year at most, paralleled with a few more works along the way.

Again, thanks for being my first ask! It’s an honor.🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇

#def asks

10 notes · View notes

sanflower0w0 · 5 months ago

Note

My assumption about you is that you like sunflowers, please confirm or dispute 🌻👀

Hello!!!

That's actually a fair assumption, based on my username. But actually, I'm quite neutral about sunflowers!

I wanted my username to have "san" in it, and maybe something that would pronounce it similar to "sun", like the one in the sky, rather than "san" as in sanity.

At first, it was meant to be a temporary username until I found something that felt more "me". On tumblr, "sanflower" was unavailable, so it turned into "sanflower0w0" because I like that kaomoji. Then I discovered that this username was available on all the platforms I was using! So I took it. :3

Still, it was supposed to be just a placeholder.

And then I met my partner who loves yellow. Specifically a warm sunshine yellow. Like sunflowers!

Ever since I learned that, the colour yellow became dear to me. It made me happy because it reminded me of the way my artist then-bestie now-partner lit up when they saw pretty yellow things!!

Over time, the username stayed. Partly because I never got around to thinking up something else, and partly because I like to think that reading the username might remind them of pretty yellow sunflowers and bring a bit of joy. :3

tl;dr: I like sunflowers an average amount, but I love the idea that it might remind my special someone of something they enjoy. Also I've been burnt out for like a year and a half straight(gay) and haven't thought much about usernames. :3

#asksanflower #ask #about sanflower

5 notes · View notes

gentleeclipsey · 11 months ago

Note

Was it worth it?

I swear to god if this is who I think it is I'm going to lose my fucking mind. I'm going to be brutally fucking honest about my feelings and I don't care, if you decide to read this that's on you. I have blocked you five times, there is a hint and then there's a blatant get the fuck away from me.

But, if you're not who I think you are, in some capacity I'd say yes. Fair warning, a lot of bad stuff mentioned, also a bit of a rant because I've never told anyone outside a few friends who aren't on tumblr. Also I'm sorry, this is gonna be long and disjointed, the whole thing makes me angry to an unnatural degree, I've never been this angry at someone in my life. TL;DR just below the cut:

TL;DR: my ex destroyed my mental state and Trollhunters made me realize that, now I'm single and happier for it. Now onto the rage.

I made a lot of friends despite my partner's actions, and I have characters who I absolutely love, I'm free, I feel good, I'm not scared to be alive. I'd say it wasn't worth all the bullshit I put up with. I'm angry at myself because I was so spineless, even now I still can't fucking make heads or tails of half the shit that happened.

I don't care anymore. They'll always see me as a horrible person, I did my best and I was never enough, I'd never be enough no matter how much I tried. No matter how many times I cried, no matter how many times I had to hide things from myself so I wouldn't leave new marks, no matter how many times I apologized, it'd always be my own fault and at this point I've just accepted I was fucking pathetic and horrible and I don't care. I had to spend every waking fucking moment catering to them, talking to them, and they'd get angry because I wouldn't realize what was wrong and I wouldn't fucking pry it out of them and bend over backwards for days to make them feel better. I had to ask for a break somewhere in the middle because between classes, work, and them, I was so fucking overwhelmed and I tried to explain it to them but they didn't believe me or didn't care but every time they had the chance they'd rub my face in the fact they were so hurt over the fact I needed a break to regather myself.

Mind you, their pain was more important than mine. When I first had Jackie, she was my favorite OC. I loved using her, I still do, but they hid their feelings about her for so long that when they told me they didn't like her and called my emotions toxic for being upset. When they tried to rub that break in my fucking face again I told them about the absolute painful hurt I felt over what they told me and most essentially they basically told me that pain didn't mean anything because it wasn't like their pain. I was fucking trying to craft her to be appealing to them, to make her what they wanted so we could just be happy again but they fucking threw all that out the window.

Wanna hear the best part? I couldn't fucking talk to anyone outside of them publicly, even to use Jackie with others despite the fact they hated her. I have Sage to thank, because they were the first person I interacted with publicly that made me start seeing my partner for who they were. They got so fucking mad over a short text RP, later told me they wanted me to make friends, then fucking went back on it and fucking got upset because I apparently treated people I talked to casually better than them.

They rubbed my face in the fact they had breakdowns in public because of shit they started. When I'd pass out they'd get quiet with me and have a short temper but if they passed out I had to be understanding. If they vanished for days at a time I wasn't allowed to be upset but if I vanished they'd have a fucking breakdown. I made myself be so understanding to them becsuse they were sick and they never fucking thought twice. Never. Because I wasn't sick like them that meant I always had to be perfectly fine. Always. Perfectly. Fucking. Fine. They admitted to me they tried to train me. Train me. Like I'm a dog. Like I'm a fucking dog. I cannot begin to tell you the absolute whirlwind of rage I felt in the moment I read that but I kept my head by some fucking miracle.

Trollhunters is what broke the back of all the shit that'd been happening. It started with Undertale, it ended with Trollhunters, and they took my fucking OC from me and told me for years that that OC wasn't mine exclusively, and now I don't have a fucking choice. I can't even begin to describe the absolutely disgusting anger I feel over the fact I literally can do nothing to get my OC back because they've told me for years she wasn't mine and I can't fucking remember anything clearly and I doubt myself constantly now. I cannot begin to describe the absolute disgust it makes me feel I can't do anything to fucking get my OC back and that I hate more of my OCs because of their bullshit.

To contact a fucking artist, an amazing, wonderful person fucking 5 years later and say that I stole their OC and to take down the art? What the fuck. Funnily enough, I have Jackie most specifically to thank for making me realize! Wanna know what the fuck they said to me? "I was upset because I felt you loved her more than me." I WISH I WAS FUCKING LYING. I have so few screenshots but Jesus fucking christ I cannot explain to you the absolute seriousness in which that was stated.

I cannot even begin to describe the anger I feel over everything that happened. Not in the fucking slightest. They always accused me of not loving them anymore, of hating them, when they first started saying that it wasn't true, but now I can't fucking stand the idea of them anymore. I hope they see all the shit I do now, how much I draw Jackie being happy despite their shit.

So yeah. I have Trollhunters and Jackie to thank for helping me realize how bad things had gotten, because if it weren't for my absolute hyperfocus on it I don't think I would've seen what'd happened as soon as I did. There are so many emotions in here I can't describe at all, and I know if they saw this they'd immediately try attacking me publicly. Hell they might see this because I've had to block four fucking accounts already. Five if you count discord.

I feel like I should've taken way more screenshots than I did, but I'm not going to post them, I want to move on from this but I have so much simmering rage over what's happened its taking me a while. They're not in the Trollhunters fandom, at least, they're barely on social media as is aside from lingering accounts. Trollhunters is my safe space now, as is Jackie and my closest friends.

#tw self h4rm #anger #rant #might delete #i love my friends #tw rant #rage

8 notes · View notes

skyberia · 1 year ago

Note

Hi, I read your about on Nephos and I'd really love to hear more about his companion quest! Like, she lied but is the curse 1. not a curse, 2. a curse used to leash a powerful sorcerer, or 3. A curse that was put on her that she transferred to him. Also: How do the other companions react to things as more is learned through his quest line? You've drawn romantic things with him and Astarion, so does he have more/different reactions to companions who are just friends?

And finally: What is the end game of his quest? Is it just revenge or no revenge, with no real way to fix it? Is it a situation where you can fix it or he can accept his death and each has their own sacrifices? If it can be cured, do the tendrils covering half his body remain as permanent scars? Or will they fade in time?

Anyway I love your sorcerer have a nice day.

these are fantastic questions. thank you so much. i wrote out a whole thing under the readmore (basically the rundown of the entire quest as i envision it lol) but given how it's Really long and i don't expect anyone to want to read through all that, here's just the answers to your questions. a TL;DR if you will

it is very much a real curse, just not the ~mysterious~ affliction he thought he was born with. it's actually dark magic concocted by his "mother figure" and placed on him as a way to use him (so your option 2 is kind of right!) but the true point of it is to basically channel his lightning magic in such a way so that it can be used to power one of her inventions... basically turning him into a humanoid battery. so it's not really a death curse in the way he thought it was, but only because it's a "fate worse than death" curse i guess. lol

due to (waves hands) reasons it takes them a Long time to tell the others about their "condition" and everyone else takes it differently... i guess most interestingly it changes their entire dynamic with karlach, where she goes from begrudgingly tolerating them (because they're a huge asshole when they first meet) to sympathising with them and then to just truly bonding over essentially having the same fate. she still thinks he's kind of a dick though. because he is kind of a dick

when he figures out what was done to him, he rallies everyone into taking his "mother figure" down (for revenge, but also like. prevent part of the fate worse than death) you fight her, but before you deal the final blow she starts pleading. promises that she can reverse the curse, but only if you let her live. if you spare her, she'll get to work on a cure.… allegedly. if you kill her, néphos is stuck with the curse and everything that implies, but at least no longer under her control or threat, and free to spend however long he has left in whatever way makes him happiest.

(^ bffs forever or until we both die shortly)

anyway. here's like 1.6k words about how néphos' companion quest goes down. if you're interested in rambling

his companion quest (named "The Eye of the Storm", because he's a storm sorcerer with a plot significant eye. this isn't really relevant to anything i just think it's fun) has one key player in it: that being the "mother figure" character, the one who "saved" them and who they think quite highly of due to, being convinced that they kind of owe their life to her. Néphos knows her to be an old halfling cleric named Hosana Stillwater.

in the years since she left due to her poor health after using all her power to slow down the progress of his curse, he has kind of kept in contact with her through letters but has not seen her personally, with the reasoning that she's too sickly to have visitors. fair enough. he doesn't want to cause her more grief than he already did.

anyway jump ahead to the events of the game. after a frankly ridiculous amount of time (somewhere around act 2), they finally come forth and admit to their companions that their blacked out eye and the "tattoos" they have on their face are actually signs of a curse, and it's getting worse a lot faster than it was previously, almost as if it's having a reaction to the tadpole. So It's, Uh, Not Looking Really Great For Him

it takes a while for them to come forth to the others with this info (despite being badgered about it all the time) because he, sincerely, had a firm belief that this was none of their business. something about Néphos is that he spent basically his entire life turning away from others and only establishing connections if he saw some sort of benefit or reward that could be earned from it. entirely transactional stuff, never saw a point in "friends" and never understood the idea of doing things for others, what, out of affection? … until being abducted by a nautiloid and having a worm shoved into his eye and forced into an actual adventuring party.

(by this point he's starting to form actual relationships with the others and it's making him question Why he ever thought like that in the first place… but anyway)

they're not convinced that there's any way around the curse. his quest doesn't suddenly become "we need to look for a cure!" because he's very much deadset on the idea that there isn't one. he spent a good few years trying to find one and only found that nobody can even tell him what it is, so it would be a complete waste of time to run around looking for curse experts, specially when they all have Bigger Issues to deal with.

However, through basically interrogating them over their backstory and what they do know of the curse, strange things start to jump out to them. info that doesn't really match up or make much sense. doesn't this whole story about him being rescued by a good samaritan who just happened to be capable of slowing down his mysterious curse seem too good to be true? and about the good samaritan, there's so much about Hosana that he doesn't actually know and never questioned that seems weird now…

So in act 3, when the party reaches baldur's gate, he requests that they try to find Hosana's whereabouts so he can finally talk to her and maybe clear some things up. going to the house of healing he always sent his letters to, they all find that… nobody knows of an elderly halfling cleric named Hosana Stillwater. nobody by that name ever stayed there for any period of time. by all accounts, she doesn't even exist.

Néphos is in disbelief over this. sure, he last saw her, like, 40 years ago, but he remembers her! he spent time with her! she took care of him! and he sent letters to her here! and he got responses! after pressing some of the employees over it, they spit out that someone else came to collect those. one of the benefactors of the house, a rich elf lady named Alodie Aello.

the next steps are finding out more about this woman so maybe SHE can explain what the fuck's going on here. eventually you all find where she lives (it's like, a mansion) and infiltrate it. she's not there currently and security's not that difficult to take down, so there's plenty of exploration that can be done.

on the surface, she doesn't seem at all connected to Néphos, nothing that indicates her even being able to know of their existence. seems she's an inventor of sorts, her place's littered with pretty magic-powered machines and other types of devices, but there isn't anything particularly revolutionary.

but they all keep looking. and eventually they find that she has a hidden, secret room or basement. and THAT'S where you find the real shit. there's a huge machine that nobody can figure out the use for, and around it there's plans and documents and journals and letters (that look a little familiar…) that are ALL about néphos and the curse. there's so much and a lot of it is just straight up incomprehensible or gibberish, but this shit is basically detailing his entire life story, including shit he did not know about.

in summary: she had been on the lookout for people who had some aptitude for lightning magic. she found Néphos when they were basically a baby, which was perfect. they were the child of a poor drow woman who'd just ran away from the underdark on her own, so getting rid of her to get access to the baby was Really easy. and then she cursed them with dark magic of her own creation.

(so nobody he went to was able to figure out what the hell the curse he had was because it was specially made to fuck him, specifically, over. really fun for him)

through those documents you learn that the point of it was to concentrate his lightning magic over time so she could basically turn him into a battery for her greatest invention. at its final stage, it would have essentially rendered him a vegetable, only capable of channelling power out and nothing else. so he would've been as good as dead, except not. his soul would be stuck in the mortal plane for however long she managed to keep him.

additionally, she documents having done something Else to him: she basically magically conditioned him to have certain behaviours: stay in baldur's gate, avoid connections with others unless beneficial, work to improve his magic. this is because after a few years of trying to raise him in secret in disguise as Hosana (it's possible that kidnapping a child and cursing them in order to use them for your own means could be generally looked down upon in high society) she got sick of it and decided it was more productive to just let him loose, essentially let him raise himself. So that's why he is the way he is.

(it's possible that the tadpole, though it worsened the curse, managed to cut this specific "feature" off.)

as you're all processing this, enter Alodie stage left. she's finally home! Néphos is Not happy, but she's willing to talk. unfortunately all she has to say is excuses that are pretty easily disproven by all the info you just learned. when she finally realises that you all know Everything and she can't talk her way out of it, you fight.

but before the final blow can be dealt, she stops and starts pleading for her life: she's the only person who understands Néphos' curse, so she's the only one who can reverse its effects! if you kill her now, you lose all chances of finding a cure. and she'll find a cure if you spare her, she promises!

Néphos refuses. obviously you can't trust anything she says, you know what she did to him, what she wanted him for! there's no way she's actually going to cure him. but she has a point, doesn't she? as the person who put all this together, she's the only one who can figure out a cure. it would mean Néphos would get a real shot at actually living…

if killed: Néphos continues being cursed. there can be talk of trying to find specialists to look at Alodie's documents, to see if they can reverse engineer a cure from that, but they still don't have much hope about that. it's bittersweet, but they are overall very grateful. even if they die a lot sooner than they should, they'll die free and knowing they're around people they trust. they won't be used for their magic. they'll die happy.

if spared: she'll thank you. she Promises she'll keep her word, even though she doesn't have a cure right now she'll start figuring one out immediately. Néphos on the other hand is Really Not Happy. implies he'll see this adventure through, but after the elder brain's destroyed they're done. they don't care if they're cured, they're leaving baldur's gate and getting the hell away from Alodie as soon as they can.

(but: Alodie insists on keeping him for the evening, swears up and down she'll do him no harm, it's just something she wants to try and see if it'll ease the effects of the curse for the moment. the next day, Néphos isn't much different. curse's still the same, still visibly there, but they're much calmer. it's almost like he completely forgot what he said the day before... if you bring it up, he just waves it off and says he was just being dramatic, he didn't actually mean any of it. he sees exactly where you were coming from and thanks you for making him see what was best for him before he did something so drastic………. :) )

#néphos #page stretcher #i don't actually go into their relationships w the others under the readmore at all. apologies #would've gotten SO long if i did or if i even talked abt how they all felt about *waves hands* the developments #and i'm not subjecting you OR MYSELF to that ................................. right now #maybe later. maybe ask me later #anyway i hope this is . comprehensible. thank you

13 notes · View notes

dark-elf-writes · 1 year ago

Note

How the fuck did you get your school put on lock down

To be fair to me I did the right thing I just did the right thing for petty reasons.

Context: somewhere between a messy breakup and three (3) toxic teenage girl friendships that ruined me, my ex (who was a grown adult and looking back on it should have been the first red flag because none of us were eighteen) jumped from me to my toxic best friend to my OTHER toxic best friend without bothering to end the prior relationships. It was very messy and high school and really really gross.

Another thing to note is that my school offered a class period before school technically started. I used this a lot because I was a bitch with a job and a half hour commute home and wanted to leave early. But since kids were still arriving at this time the front doors weren’t locked and anyone could just walk in and reasonably not be stopped by the office people.

I’m sure you can see where this is going

So my zero hour was gym which I shared with one of the toxic friends who was the current object of the ex’s affections. Shit was already tense and low and behold I look up at seven thirty in the fucking morning before I had even finished my fuck off large monster energy drink to see my TWENTY PLUS YEAR OLD ex that cheated on my and gaslighted me walking IN A HIGH SCHOOL GYM CLASS OF A SCHOOL THEY HAD NEVER GONE TO TO FLIRT WITH A MINOR.

I got up, told the gym teacher I forgot my inhaler, and walked my ass straight to the office.

They left in a crowd and couldn’t be found on the cameras so the entire school was put on lockdown for hours to find them and everyone blamed me instead of, you know, the grown ass adult that sauntered into school grounds and could have done anything

Tl;dr adult walked into a high school and I snitched putting the school on lockdown looking for someone who had already left.

#the elf talks #high school was messy for me #I mean technically I it the school in lockdown twice but the other time was me getting dragged away in an ambulance so #somehow I was always in the middle of drama which is very funny because there is nowhere i would like to be less #wild shit just happens to/around me #uncanny levels of bad luck here #like yes an adult walking into a high school is terrifying now but really I wanted to inconvenience them as much as possible

16 notes · View notes

dolls-and-crafts · 1 year ago

Text

This is my grail garment. A 1930s cape that I stumbled upon on Pinterest and fell in love with. The original image is from wondertrading over on Flickr (check them out! They have oodles pictures of gorgeous vintage pattern).

Unfortunately, I cannot find the pattern itself anywhere.

Solution? Make my own!

I have lots of courage and little skill. Started sewing clothes this summer and I still haven't finished a single one (though to be fair, I only need to hem the two skirts and modify the blouse slightly to be done. Unfortunately I don't want to, so we're doing this instead!)

Step 1: How It's Made:

I have made Barbie clothes from drawings before, so I have a method. Is it the most efficient method? No, but it works for me.

The first step is always to get the best possible picture of the garment and figure out how it's made.

Since this is the only image I could find of this pattern, I need to improve it on my own.

I'm using Paint Tool SAI's linework layer to draw on top of the image with my mouse. The result is this:

The point here is not realism, but simply to make it clear how each layer of ribbon is formed into the cape. The white lines are drawn on top of the more subtle highlights of the original drawing, to help me figure out where I need to ruffle the three bottom layers.

Clearing up the image and removing the original, I end up with this:

(The numbers were added in Paint, since SAI don't have a writing tool.)

We have five layers of ribbon-

Ok, let's stop there. The cape is clearly named "McCall Ladies' and Misses' Ribbon Cape", and while I have absolutely no clue about 1930s fashion, that doesn't look like ribbon to me.

That looks like strips of fabric. Velvet fabric, to be specific.

I will have a different blog post on what material I think this is made from (tl;dr: silk velvet) and what I will use instead (I am poor and not skilled enough to sew silks). Stay tuned for that later.

But let's get back to the "how it's made". At the middle back (where the numbers are on the drawing) the strips of fabric seem to be equally wide, possibly narrowing somewhat where layers 2-5 meet layer 1. I will assume that the layers are equally wide all the way around, since that's easy to do, and it will be obvious in the finished product if I was wrong. It will also be easier to figure out where I should narrow the strips of fabric down, and how much, once I've made the first mock-up. So this is a "mañana" problem, aka. "make a note, but ignore for now".

Also, my method leads to the need for multiple mock-ups. That is because I would rather make it twice than spend days figuring out each step and still be wrong. Cheap cotton fabric is absolutely worth investing in if you follow my "fuck it, good enough" method of sewing.

From the original drawing I can see that the cape goes from the neck and down to about the shoulders, so I measure this area to figure out how wide each ribbon should be.

On me (a short woman with no shoulders) this is about 46 cm.

46 / 5 = 9.2 cm = 9.5 cm

(I'm rounding up to 9.5, because I am not fiddling about with millimetres when I'm making clothes for myself. Half a centimetre is close enough!)

But I can't just add on some seam allowance and start sewing. From the image, it looks like the top layer envelops all the other layers. Doing that will make it a lot easier to sew, and make the finished garment look better.

Therefore layer 1 will be width + width + seam allowance.

Layer 1: 9.5 + 9.5 + 2 = 21 cm

I set the seam allowance to a centimetre at each end, therefore 2, since one centimetre is clearly marked on my sewing machine. You can change this number to whatever you prefer. Main rule: if the fabric is thick or unravels easilly, make it wider, if it's thin or tightly woven you can make it smaller. For clothes to myself, I never go beneath 1 cm, but I am also a beginner.

Layer 2 - 4 are quite simple. Width / 5 + seam allowance.

Layer 2 - 4: 9.5 + 2 = 11.5 cm

Layer 5 is slightly different, since you need to hem the bastard. Hemming with a single centimetre seam allowance is possible (and can make a nice finish), but it's a pain so I won't.

Doubling the seam allowance on the hem makes the total seam allowance 3 cm, and the calculations:

Layer 5: 9.5 + 3 = 12.5 cm.

So now I have the width of each layer. Next step is how long each layer is. Unfortunately, this is something I will have to try on my body to figure out. The top layer will need to be tied in a bow at the back, so cutting that out and finding the right length should be easy-ish.

But I also need to keep an eye on how each layer is sewn.

Because layer 1 and 2 are both given shoulder seams on the drawing, while layer 3, 4 and 5 are all ruffled around the shoulders, but with unruffled backs and sides. That means that layer 3 will be quite a bit longer than the second layer, but how much is impossible to know until I've made the mock-up.

Also? Different fabrics ruffle differently. So if you sew this from a stiffer material, you might need fewer ruffles, while a more drapey fabric will look better with more. Since I'm making my mock-up from woven cotton and my garment from velvet, this will be something I have to keep an eye on when making the actual garment, since velvet and woven cotton drapes and ruffles differently.

So now all I have to do is cut meters upon meters of strips of fabric.

Start a podcast, put on the TV or phone a friend to keep you company, this will take a while to do.

#sewing #1930s #drafting patterns #stream of consciousness #the grail cape

13 notes · View notes