#to be entirely fair to myself its literally bc i was so wounded thinking about gamzee i just hated karkat extra harder than usual

[nonbinarygamzee]

just found a post i made last year upon dipping my toes back into the hs waters where an anon asked if i still liked gamkar and my response was a noncommittal not really. egg materializing on my face as i write this.

[companionship]

okay one big post to get the finale out of my system! it's been lovely reading all of your analyses and reactions, and looking at all your amazing gifs and edits :')

fair warning: this is going to be so stinking long omfg

the things i enjoyed:

vincenzo remaining an anti-hero through and through, especially the fact that he didn't hold back at all when it came to myunghee and hanseok's death. he gave them a taste of their own medicine and then some forreal, their deaths were brutal but oddly satisfying, and i'm saying this as someone who usually hates violence/gore. throughout the show, they've always hinted at what he was Truly Capable Of and boy did we get to see it

vincenzo fumbling in hanseok's house and not being his usual self – a lot of people thought it was ooc, which i understand! i felt like that was the Point, to show that for once, he's not the invincible mafia consigliere that everyone thinks he is. what he did to the man who killed his mother and the army of security guards was a reaction, but this is the first time he's flustered, caught at a disadvantage, and faced with the very real possibility that he might lose somebody incredibly important to him. idk it made him more human to me

vincenzo literally not hesitating for even 0.1 seconds to fold his entire body around hers when he thought hanseok was going to shoot again – yeah that whole bit made my heart clench i feel like a crazy person i won't get over it

the chayenzo hospital scene... my god it was so tender my heart broke. the laugh they both shared, out of sheer relief that she's okay. the little joke about paying for the private room. the way not much was being said, but everything was being said at once. the way they looked at each other, as if it wouldnt ever be enough :( the quiet acceptance that this is their last night together, and that he's going to have to kill a bunch of people after this, but for now they have this. for however brief.

chayoung being chayoung – her big ass personality at the courtroom at the end after winning ms oh's case. her hopping around in those heels, looking elegant and sleek, mocking the hell out of rich conglomorates. she's in her element again and it made me so, so happy to see. i absolutely adore her, she's everything really. after all that loss and the whole ordeal, i'm glad she's able to return to what she does best: putting capitalists back in their place

mr lee being Very Much Not Dead – idk how i wouldve been able to handle it after witnessing hanseo's death like im glad he got the chance to be a dad

the kiss – my god....

the things i didn't like:

hanseo's death – lmao is it even a surprise... say what you will about his death being foreshadowed, but i really just hated hated it. i hate that hanseok won this one. i hate that hanseo worked so hard to redeem himself, only to lose it all. i hate that he was given a taste of what a real family was like, and then having it taken away so cruelly. even though i said above that i didn't mind that vincenzo was ooc at the mansion, i was still screaming at the screen because there were plenty of opportunities for the situation to be reversed. i don't necessarily blame vincenzo for hanseo's death, but i do wish that they had a funeral scene for him. i wish they acknowledged his sacrifice, and how pivotal he was in turning the tables. if not for hanseo, vincenzo really couldn't have pulled any of this off, from the interpol tipoff to the tracking device in the watch. idc idc hanseo is in malta rn, enjoying the sun and the beach, going to therapy, and teaching the local kids how to play hockey even though there's no ice :(

chayoung being bedridden the whole finale – like... NAH lmao this aint it chief... if things went my way, she wouldve gotten out of the hospital depite her injury and dealt with myunghee before handing her off to vincenzo. i loved their animosity for each other, and i wanted chayoung to be the one at myunghee's apartment waiting for her, rubbing it into her face. i wanted chayoung to verbally finish myunghee with that sharp ass tongue of hers and really dump a load of salt on her wounds. then vincenzo could do whatever the hell he wanted. you could argue that the show is called Vincenzo but i really dont care lmao it started with chayoung avenging her dad and she should've been able to strike the final blow. also what was her big second party? are we really just going to ignore her capacity for evil? after all that moral work done, after that time she spent coming to terms with using evil to combat evil, we're just going to... keep her bedridden? park jaebum u will pay for this

vincenzo losing his family – besides hanseo's death, i think this was what i hated the most from the ending. the start of the show showed us vincenzo's departure from the mafia with the very clear intention of Not Returning. the capo died, his loyalties lie with no one, paolo can suck it. throughout the show, we see him repeat over and over that he wants to get the gold and skip off to malta to enjoy a peaceful life there, while reflecting/repenting for the things he's done. vincenzo was gearing up for a lifetime of solitude. the whole point of the show was for him to find a real family and have a real chance at happiness. park jaebum really said FUCK THAT! we're gonna have him ditch the family that he built from scratch with the love of his life and then make him return to the family that tried to kill him AND make him the capo... pjb said we're gonna separate vincenzo from the family that accepts his past and sees it as a strength and not a weakness. the family that was formed out of solidarity, the family that he fought for and fought alongside with blood, sweat and tears. not to mention the goddaughter of his? sorry i would laugh if it didn't actually rile me up so bad

vincenzo not being able to come back to korea – i've said this in another post of mine, but given that he is The Vincenzo Cassano with all those resources at his disposal (guillotine file, mr ahn/mr cho/the chief etc.), the fact that he isnt even able to stay in korea for 30 fuckin minutes after finishing hanseok was ridiculous. the whole police chase was dumb as hell considering that the show has managed to stop politicians and mf presidential candidates from going after him like ? huh LMAO park jaebum had an on-demand pigeon army in this show and Yet he can't stop like 10 suddenly-righteous policemen. another big ass HUH

chayenzo (here we go...):

NOPE! i've reflected on the ending and decided that i'm going to be petty and salty for a while more before coming to terms with it

i can rationalise and try to be positive and tell myself that their love is enduring can transcend space and time and that in due time, they will find their way back to each other, and i have no doubt that they will because they're one soul in two bodies. it's quite literally canon that they're soulmates.

but let me wallow for a second

here we have two people who have done questionable and terrible things in their past coming together, growing together, grieving together, fighting together... you get the gist of it. you have two people who have found a home in each other. two people who, for all intents and purposes, were about to live in a whole lot of bitterness and solitude if not for each other and the life they built together (chayoung didn't have friends like that, and her family is gone too). to separate them like that at the very end is cruel. i know chayoung and vincenzo are mature and incredible and will be able to function without the other next to them. i know that they will still excel as lawyers and will defeat evil with their underhand methods the way they do so well but my god are they going to feel the absence and miss each other

my point is that they shouldn't have to. from what i could tell, they can't even communicate on a regular basis bc he'll be tracked and whatnot, hence the postcards. a postcard every month is a poor substitute for all those nights they stayed up drinking makgeolli and celebrating their wins. its a shitty replacement for coffee dates and fist bumps and all the moments in between. after everything they've been through, after literally fighting to death for their family, they don't deserve this. they don't deserve to meet up once a year for a couple of hours. they don't deserve pockets of time in malta or korea, their life in a perpetual countdown to when they're going to see each other next

they both deserve love and some semblance of peace (finally finally). they both deserve to have someone to come home to after a hard day of work, because doing what they do cannot be easy. they both deserve a family, deserve to have someone next to them that accepts their past and would embrace their future. they both deserve a hand to hold and a shoulder to lean on. i know they will still be It for each other despite the distance, i just wish the distance didn't even exist in the first place bc its stupid and cruel and their love shouldnt have to be proven or tested with time and space. let them stay together. let them grow together. let them be.

side note: song joongki and jeon yeobeen need another project together idc take it up with god

tl;dr: park jaebum u will be paying for my therapy bills

[sigurdjarlson]

@shadowphoenixrider you asked for it, my friend xD

Okay first off Ashenvale and Darkshore were extremely painful. I thought (on the ally) side it was fabulously written. The quest where you pray for the dead sentinels and let their spirits go broke my goddamn heart. That and rescuing the refuges in darkshore “why are they attacking us?” In particular gutted me because why indeed?

“We fought together against the Legion but she’s willing to throw that aside..” RIGHT?? Thank you, Anduin my darling.

(Why did no other races come to their aid besides worgen btw? I just thought about that. I have a hard time seeing Anduin just chillin like that and it’s not like he could have been oblivious to a bunch of refugees flooding his city lmao. Someone would have told him (TYRANDE would have told him)

Where are the Draenei? Night elves took them in too in a way? None of them came to help?

And I’m a little disbelieving he wouldn’t try to send help because that’s who Anduin is. But I can put that aside because they needed Teldrassil to fall and I suppose I can believe word didn’t get around..somehow. It did happen very quickly so I’ll *handwave* that

I loved seeing the ancients rise up and the effect this is having on other races like the furbolgs (its time to give us furbolg as an allied race blizz lmao) it’s so goddamn sad

Delaryn is so Good (was that her in the animated short who dies? Or just a random nelf? Also her voice sounds REALLY familiar)

I honestly don’t understand Why Malfurion is so hated. I go back and forth on him myself but I’ve never really /hated/ him. And I liked him during these quests.

First off where the fuck is Tyrande? You’re telling me no one sent word to the night elf leader they were under attack? You’re telling me Malfurion didn’t?

Seeing Sylvanas filled me with so much rage lmao..I was like bitch I’m coming for your head first chance I get

I was deeply disappointed in Saurfang. I appreciate they took the time to show he regretted it. From the back really? Two on one?

Whether I like Mal or not has no bearing here I was just like dude really? That was a dick move. Also he was about to finish Sylvanas off lmao pls let Mal do it. (I know they couldn’t bc the story would have ended there lmao)

But I think he’ll come to regret all of this in time and I hope he and the other leaders make the right choice there. (Throw Sylvanas to the goddamn dogs..or actually I could say worgen lmao)

The quests themselves are great. They absolutely break my heart (as they should)

Tyrande finally appears and as much as I liked her VA’s voice acting here (the quiet rage in her voice is chilling) she then just...said “Teldrassil is lost. Make the horde’s occupation as tolerable as you can. Bye”

This is..the same woman who choose her people and her duty over Malfurion in Val’sharah because for Tyrande her people come first (for better or worse)

This is the same woman who is constantly on the front lines right along with her people.

And she literally just leaves???

She could have had someone take Malfurion themselves or come back

Because she would come back

I loved seeing Mia Greymane don’t get me wrong. It was lovely to see her trying to protect the people who took HER people in.

But Tyrande should have been there too. Because the Tyrande I knew would have never left her people to fend for themselves. She’d never have left while there were so many left in Darnassus.

That was the most deeply OOC thing for her. Is she wasn’t there with her people and she wasn’t there fighting alongside them and protecting them.

Because for better or worse, her people come first

I can’t see her giving up on Teldrassil like that not till all hope is gone and she’s forced too like Mia was.

I enjoyed Genn’s brief appearance. “My queen, my love open your eyes” was so sweet damn it “she took my son and my kingdom she will NOT take you too” ouch

“Take the child. Save her.” Genn and Mia were doing more than Tyrande has done in the entire goddamn War of Thorns.

Which don’t get me wrong I love because night elves and worgen are so closely allied. Nelves gave them a home when they lost theirs. They helped them control the curse. It’s only fair they fight just as fiercely for nelves as they would their own.

I love seeing that relationship between the races shown through Genn and Mia “May your goddess watch over you” was such a gentle line coming from Genn and says volumes about his gratitude to the people who saved HIS.

(He’s shown genuine gratitude to the night elves time and time again for that and I’ve always respected that because we all know how proud and prickly Genn can be. He swallowed his pride there (for his people tyvm) and I respect that

But Tyrande would have been there. She should have been there and there’s absolutely no excuse for that. She didn’t even try to help her people and that’s OOC to the maximum.

You get to Darn and there are SO many people who are left there that need help. (A flicker of hope was an amazing quest that broke my heart. I wanted..I tried to save more..I really did.) and she’s no where to be seen.

She outright abandoned them. That’s NOT who Tyrande is.

Oh Tyrande is a deeply flawed character don’t get me wrong. I could talk about that all day but her abandoning her people is not one of her flaws. She’s had inconsistent writing in the past Certainly (as has Malfurion) but this blows past inconsistent into “horribly ooc”

She never would have left Mia to pick up the pieces like that. She’d be there until she could no longer keep going (like uh..your character)

Like that was so irritating to me and I know my character is absolutely heartbroken over it. Because “the shining light of her people” just left them to die. She’s furious too because as dire as Malfurion’s wounds might have been. You KNOW she should have been right back.

She wouldn’t have given up so easily and that’s that.

She’d be on the frontlines howling for vengeance and trying to save her people. She should be Sylvanas’s worst nightmare right now. More so than ANYONE. You don’t even SEE her again after that. She should be there with her people but she’s??? Not??

I’ve had issues with tyrande’s actions before but not like this. I’ve always respected that she put her people and duty above all (and that includes Mal) even other races because her loyalty is first and foremost to the night elves

(its Why I never could be angry at her comment about “the more shal’dorei that fight the fewer of my people that get killed” I never could blame her for that because a true leader always puts their people first. It was cold yes but it was understandable and it’s just who she is.

Her people came first.

I’m just deeply disappointed in her and currently have lost all respect for her honestly.

She would have left malfurion to d i e in Val’sharah for her people and duty (as much as it hurt her) but here she literally abandons them? I don’t think so.

Im not saying she should have left him to die I’m saying she would have been right back after getting him to safety. I don’t blame her for saving him I blame her for not coming back and just blatantly giving up and abandoning her people when they need her the MOST

This was blatantly out of character and it pisses me off.

[genderfluidmollymauks]

highlights from last nights session

a continuation from this campaign

the dm, before even fucking starting: i would like one of you to roll a d20 me: i’ll do it. just a straight d20? dm: yah me: i got a nat one the entire party: *laughing* dm: i- ok, so there was a mechanic involved that you had to roll literally anything but that.

also, since i rolled the first nat 1, i have to make the highlights reel. buckle up.

the bard woke up first, and tried to make breakfast. rolled a 3 to make breakfast. we all wake up to the smell of smoke and i, thinking quickly, throw a rock at the fire the bard made

bard: what are you doing! me: it was on fire! bard: i made the fire! that was for breakfast! me: ... oh

the bard braids my hair and several things happen during this time

i ask if she stole a hankerchief

she gets blue hair dye all over her hands

we realize “oh, where’s the ranger, you know, your half brother”

the bard freaks the fuck out when we realize the ranger is missing bc they are. siblings.

me: i call for bambi (the ranger’s deer companion) dm: bambi is right there me: great, can you lead us to febey? dm: bambi looks exasperated. she just goes to a tree and lays down.

the ranger was asleep in the tree. 

the bard threw a rock at him

lots of rocks being thrown this session, as you can tell

after this rock throwing session, we all kept following the trail from yesterday to find the person we were hired to find and then out of nowhere, the dm goes :) roll a perception check

the ranger got a NAT ONE and heard a wounded animal. fun!

there was no wounded animal. just a swamp. 

which we got stuck in

me: fuck me: that was in character

i did that several times throughout the session

me: we need to go to that swamp.  carter: we need to follow the markings me: no, i remember, specifically, loki said to go to the swamp. they said the guy we’re rescuing was stuck in a swamp, and it would be kinda funny if i got stuck too, but that isn’t the point, we’re supposed to go to the swamp. so unless i remembered wrong, or my dm fucked up-

oh, by the way, i was RIGHT, the markings did lead to the swamp :)

we enter a scary hole in the swamp, and we hear a scary disembodied voice ask “WHO GOES THERE”

the artificer, trying to be practical: carter. me, being myself: i’m a paladin the bard, trying so hard to get us safely out of here: we’re the circus 

scary voice: A PALADIN? WHO DO YOU SERVER, PALADIN me, realizing my mistakes: loki scary voice: TELL ME, HAVE YOU HEARD OF THE ROTTING GOD? me, very aware of my mistakes: uh, no, but i always like to keep my options open scary voice: ARE YOU READY TO COMMIT YOUR SOUL TO THE ROTTING GOD? me, so so very aware of my many, many mistakes: im not ready to commit to anything, but if you have an hour long power point presentation-

me, ooc: in the back of my head im just going “loki loki loki help help loki help” dm: loki doesn’t respond me, who knows loki has never shut the fuck up a day in their life, comforted me when i cried, and has always made a point to be there for me when i need them: oh no

a tiefling in a big goopy sack descends from the ceiling and the entire party basically goes “this is either florian or rose’s romancable npc”

me: jeremy i swear to GOD if this is my girlfriend-

it was florian, all is well

the scary disembodied voice turned out to be a lady with wings, a tail, and horns, who looked vaguely fiendish, and we all kind just went “hot” and referred to her solely as “hot lady”

the bard almost seduced her. almost.

during the fight florian was a BADASS with all kinds of fire spells

dm: florian goes up to you and touches your shoulder and says “flame on” me: i ask him if he’s a flaming bisexual dm: he gives you a wink

i, the paladin with a chronic inability to hit anything, ever, got a NAT 20 to hit

dm: i’m giving you a free divine smite for that

dm: roleb, you can’t see this, but the rest of you see their sword light up with a soft green light as they hit the hot lady, and she screams me, in character, after I hit her: yah. i’m a paladin.

after the bard sang a CUSTOM BARDIC INSPIRATION SONG FOR CARTER i took the opportunity to hand the lady (who had at some point ceased to be hot and was now just an old woman screaming at us) a poster about loki

dm: she’s going to take a swipe at you with her nasty claws me: wha- oh right, her turn is right after dorami’s. dm: you take 4 points slashing and 6 points of acid damage me: what the FUCK me, in character, to the lady: i guess you’re not a fan.

after the battle:

florian: so simon sent you to save me the other members of the party: yah me: nope, loki sent me. me, handing florian a poster about loki: you’ve been saved by the paladin of loki! congratulations! i’m not asking you to convert or anything, but a little gold thrown their way wouldn’t hurt

im basically just like “unless theres loot anywhere around here, i want to get the fuck out” bc im scared as fuck and cant contact my deity, who literally never stops giving me unprompted advice

we find a chest, and when i open it, i, bad dex mcgee, had to make a dex save. i failed, and took a dart to the shoulder. i kept the dart.

we all also rolled ridiculously high perception checks, so:

dm: you pull out the linens, and the three of you look at it, and you all at once kind of go “false bottom”

we find 420 gold

florian: i think i was useful in that fight, and i deserve a share of the gold carter, not having that bullshit:  if you want me to help, i get my fair share, which does not include paying the damsel in distress

we also find a fancy dagger (i took it) a fancy ring (the bard took it) and the fucking rock (which the artificer took)

i need to explain something about this rock.

this is the rock that when we tried to roll arcana for it, with a NAT 20, we couldn’t understand it, and it just felt old. this is the rock that we found in the domain of a woman proclaiming shit about a rotting god taking my fucking soul. this is a rock we found in a place i could not reach my deity.

tHIS IS THE ROCK THAT WHEN CARTER TRIED TO SKIP IT, SHE HAD TO ROLL A WISDOM SAVING THROW, AND THE ROCK TOLD HER NOT TO THROW IT AWAY.

I HATE THIS FUCKING ROCK

me, literally at half health, running around after the battle: does anyone need healing :)

i use my lay on hands points to heal 2 points of damage to florian, 3 points for dorami, ANOTHER POINT FOR FLORIAN AFTER CARTER SLAPS HIM, and five points healing a disease florian had, that the dm later revealed he DIDNT ACTUALLY HAVE

meanwhile i’m basically bleeding out going :) this is fine :)

me: i run out dm: where to? me: the exit

me: as i go to the path i’m just going “loki? loki? loki?” dm: as soon as you get to the path, you hear in your ear, loki going “rose? caleb? ROLEB?”

loki: i couldn’t hear you, i couldn’t see you. i have been around for a very long time, and that was the most scared i’ve ever been me: yah but you’re the all powerful god, try being the squishy mortal

loki: you should heal yourself, you should- me: what what no no i’m fine, listen have you heard of the rotting god? loki: you know i hear your friends telling you to take care of yourself, and i agree, you should me: i’m fine but i feel like you’re dodging the question. do you know anything about the rotting god, because that scared me loki: you know whats even scarier? i don’t know anything about that.

artificer, ooc: are you talking to loki out loud? me, ooc: yes. bard, ooc: dorami is just like “is this normal paladin behavior??” loki: you should probably go, you’re freaking out your friends me: no i’m not! bard: uh, yes, sweetie, you kinda are 

we are officially booking it back to town, and the bard and florian are hanging in the back flirting grossly the entire time

me, yelling back: IF YOU TWO WANT TO HAVE AN EVENING ROMP IN THE WOODS, BE MY GUEST, BUT WE’RE TRYING TO GET BACK TO TOWN bard, yelling back: I CAN DO BOTH

we also had to roll perception checks on the way back to town, and i got the highest, and i was the only one who saw a fucking shadow in the forest beside us

like i cannot stress this enough i think we accidentally stole an unholy relic from a rotting god and its the GODDAMN ROCK

we all start playing with matches on the way back, because i’m a pyromaniac, florian is a fire magician, and the bard has pyrotechnics

fireworks were made

dm: you get back to town and you realize it’s been overrun by mandated soldiers the party, currently consisted of an ex-soldier who deserted, a professional liar, the ex criminal we just rescued, an actual criminal, and a sixteen year old with a sword: oh shit

[moiraineswife]

Do you have any Autistic!Rook headcanons you would like to share??

AS IT HAPPENS. I HAVE SEVERAL. BECAUSE THIS AS A CONCEPT DELIGHTED ME WHILE READING. HERE WE GO: 

(I would like to note that i am NOT reading this as a catch-all ‘fair folk in general are autistic’ bc a)- I don’t think they all do, Rook is specific and unique in this regard, and b)- I dislike the idea of just ‘all these inhuman characters are autistic’ bc icky associations with autistics then being inhuman...which we are not) 

ODD DISCLAIMER OVER. ONWARDS AND UPWARDS. 

Rook + Cat Metaphors: 

This sounds like an odd place to start but it was legit my favourite thing. Cats are fairly often associated with autistic people, as it happens, and are a generally more accepted symbol for it than...Other unspeakable things. Not getting into that, though, there were two things that made me die with delight...Which I will now explain: 

And yet looking at Rook Iimagined a cat proudly bringing its master dead chipmunks, only to watch thetwo-legged oaf lift these priceless gifts by the tail and fling them unceremoniously into thebushes.

Cats, like autistic people, generally have their actions/behaviours misunderstood. What they see as giving affection tends to be met with a reaction contrary to what they were expecting. See: above. 

Through it all Rook wore anexpression of aloof perplexity, as a cat might watching its favorite furnitureget moved about without its permission.

This one was The Best. Cats, like autistic people, typically have big problems with change, and can actually become genuinely stressed out/ill with changes in their household being made, such as moving the furniture around. Rook just being ???? ‘why are we doing this’ was too much. 

Then he strode right overand, in one smooth motion, insinuated himself into the bed next to me, facingme, under the covers, with the bold and unselfconscious vanity of a cat sittingdown on an open book.

I can’t explain exactly why this strikes me as being connected to an autistic thing but it just...It just does. and it’s another cat metaphor I deeply enjoy. 

Right, self-indulgent enjoyment of cat metaphors out the way, here are many more things: 

Difficulty Identifying Emotions/Trouble with Social Cues: 

“How can this be,” he said to himself quietly. That wasall it took; I gave a strangled sob. He crouched and scrutinized my face, whichI’m sure at that moment looked anything but attractive. “What do you require?”

Rook being baffled by the human notion of having to cook things is one thing, but the way he scrutinises her is more telling for me. Isobel gets caught up in thinking that she probably doesn’t look too attractive at this moment in time, but I’m pretty sure Rook is just trying to...Figure out wtf she’s feeling/how he should respond to this. And his response is deeply pragmatic. He doesn’t respond to her emotional needs/reactions, purely her practical ones. (There are a LOT of examples of this, I won’t go through them all) 

As an aside here, this is where I think Rook differs from other fair folk, and what tips him onto the spectrum. He isn’t human, so it’s reasonable to assume that human emotions are something he struggles with. But the thing is that the other fair folk who have experience with humans are much better at this than he is. The entire plot revolves around Gadfly knowing Isobel well enough to predict how she’ll respond to his promptings, so he can manipulate her into doing what he wants. 

Lark is also a good example of this. Before meeting Isobel, she had no contact with humans whatsoever. However, in a relatively very short space of time/very limited experience, she’s able to understand Isobel’s reactions/ways of displaying emotion and translate them to recognise other situations they should be used in. (She witnesses Isobel crying, understands it’s a display of sadness/upset, and correctly mimics it during her apology, because she understands that’s an instance where that emotion should/can be correctly applied) 

So the fair folk quite obviously have the capacity for recognising and understanding human emotions, as well as understanding how to respond to them. Rook, however, has definitely had contact with humans before, and has had enough of it to enable him to fall in love with another human before Isobel, but remains utterly hopeless at identifying her emotions. 

He drew in a breath. “I know it’s—wrong, that I care so much aboutthe pin. I can’t explain it. It’s—”

“It isn’t wrong.” My voice was so soft I barely heard myselfspeak. “Rook, it isn’t. It’s just human.”

This I’m saying is an example of Rook not being able to identify his own emotions (alexithmya) which is fairly common among autistic people. (Isobel’s response would be a tiny bit grating if Rook was canon!autistic, but given that he’s not, and given how ‘human emotion’ gets lumped together in this book, I’m dealing with it.) 

I whirled around. “Your blood did this.”

Rook stood watchingme, a conflicting clamor of emotions in his eyes: fascination observing myhuman response. Hope that I would find what he had created beautiful. Andbeneath that, sorrow, as raw as an open wound.

Desperation flashed across his features. He struggled to composehimself, but couldn’t. Finally he turned on his heel and put his back to mewith a dramatic billow of his coattails, drew his sword a few inches, and pretended toinspect the blade.

The way that he ‘observes’ her response, as though learning (which he likely is) consciously how to interpret her...But also the fact he has no idea how to process/regulate/respond to HIS OWN emotions, and that he retreats to something familiar to avoid looking at Isobel, and also to calm himself down. 

“You could offer to sleep on the floor, like a gentleman.”

He appeared horrified by the suggestion.

I love this bit, bc for all the fair folk are very much concerned with politeness and proper behaviour, this one is just...Totally lost on him. Like excuse u why would I offer to sleep on the floor Isobel??? The floor is hard and uncomfortable? How does this prove I am a gentleman? How is this polite??? Isobel I think this is impolite, that you would suggest I sleep on the floor. Do you not like me Isobel??? Do you not want me to be here?? Isobel?????? 

“And I’m not certain you’re in any state to protect me,” I wenton, sensing a lost cause. “Just now you were almost assassinated by a teapot.”

“Isobel.” Rook looked at me gravely. “Isobel, listen. The teapotis of no consequence. I can defeat anyone, at any time.”

“Oh, is that so? That’s the truth?”

“Yes,” he replied.

 I love the teapot line, you love the teapot line, we all love the teapot line. But I just...love the way that he talks. The pattern of it strikes me as an autistic thing. Just the way that he talks. And the very simple answer that he gives ‘yes’ it’s just a kneejerk thing, he doesn’t even think about it. (I know fair folk have to tell the truth, but that doesn’t mean that they have to answer questions like this) 

Especially when this one is definitely rhetorical. Because she knows full well that he’s speaking the truth, because he can’t lie. But this is another missed social cues thing: Isobel asks a question, Rook answers it. 

“Have you ever stopped to think that just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should?”

His eyes narrowed. “No,” he said.

 Same thing here. 

Comfort Objects/Stimming: 

He patted at his chest in alarm and then ducked to hunt throughthe wildflowers. This wasn’t the leisurely search of someone who’d lost apocket watch or a handkerchief. Rather, heclawed at the ground with a wide-eyed desperation that could be inspired onlyby the loss of a priceless and irreplaceable treasure. When he found it, hegripped it tightly in his hand. He moved his thumb to the hidden clasp. Butthen he stopped himself, remembering I was there, and started to put it in hispocket instead.

My heart hurt for him. It was painful to watch Rook reduced to this over something so small. He cared moreabout that pin than most people cared about everything they owned in the world.

I know the raven pin has sentimental significance because it was a goodbye present from his lost love, but this just reminds me of the panicked search for a lost comfort object, something which a lot of autistic people have. (Especially with the way his thumb moves towards the clasp even after his found it, which could definitely be a stim, because it’s clearly a habit he uses to soothe himself)  

Speaking of stimming...

His hand had wandered to myhair, and he spread it out on the moss, combingthrough the strands with his fingers until it gleamed as straight and smooth asit could get. It seemed impossible that someone who had lived for hundreds of years and hunted fairybeasts for sport could find this entertaining, but his expression wastransfixed. 

That’s definitely what this is. 

“What a lovely bird,” Irepeated in a syrupy voice. “Yes, you’re the loveliest bird.” I stroked hisback. He made a pleased muttering sound in his breast. Soon his smug silenceindicated that he was quite content to remain as he was, so long as I continuedmy praise.

and this tbh. 

Literal Thinking: 

“Rook,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady, “before I get up,you have to promise to never touch me again without my permission.”

“I can touch whomever I please.”

“Have you ever stopped to think that just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should?”

His eyes narrowed. “No,” he said.

“Well, this is one of those things.” I saw he didn’t understand.“Among humans it’s considered polite,” I added firmly.

A muscle jumped in his cheek, and his smile had faded. “Well, thatdoesn’t sound in the least reasonable. What if you were being attacked, and Ihad to touch you to save your life, but I couldn’t because I needed to requestyour permission first? Lettingyou die wouldn’t be polite.”

“Fine. You can touch me in that case, but every other time youneed to ask.”

 I really love this bit. She knows he doesn’t get what she’s saying, so she rephrases it somewhat to something that he will understand. But I love his response even more. He understands what she’s saying, but he still doesn’t quite GET it. And his brain goes immediately, (and often), to practical thoughts. 

She puts this rule in place, and he immediately starts...Not looking for loopholes, but considering the practical problems that it might pose. What if they’re in danger and he has to save her life? She would never have considered this as being unreasonable, because she would expect him to adapt, and realise that is a situation when it’s acceptable to touch her, because of the risk it poses. But he needs her to accept that as a limitation, and see his way of thinking. And they reach this...Little compromise that weaves through the rest of the story. Which I like a lot. 

Before I could find my voice and ask him to set me down, hedropped me like a hot coal. I landed inthe wildflowers with an undignified whump. Horrified, I squashed my legs together, hunchedinward with my arms clamped over my chest, and stared up at him. He looked asaghast as I did.

“Why did you just—” I began, at the same moment he blurted out:

“You stopped being in peril, and I couldn’t touch you any longer!Are you all right?”

 This harks back to their earlier promise, and poses some potential problems in the literal thinking category because there’s fair folk no lying/keeping promises magic wrapped up in it. But I think it’s still an expression of the way Rook’s mind works. I’m fairly sure other fair folk would have been able to work around their promise by telling themselves Isobel was still in enough danger to merit them touching her (still being naked and vulnerable in the spring court) but Rook is just....Too literal for that. 

“A fire, to start with. Some . . . some branches tomake a spit out of, I suppose. Or maybe we could cut it up and skewer it? I’venever cooked a rabbit outdoors before.” I might as well have started reciting an incantation. “Wood,” Irevised for him. “Some kindling about this size”—I spread my hands—“and a long,thin, sturdy stick with a pointy end.”

“Very well.” He rose. “I will bring you your sticks.”

 This isn’t strictly literal thinking but goddammit I love the ‘I will bring you your sticks’ line. But it also is. Isobel reels off her instructions and he just gets up and off he goes to get her what she needs. No muss, no fuss

. It’s also an example of rigid thinking. Isobel gives him a set of clear, precise instructions, and he follows them to the letter. (And I can get this in with APD, and the struggle to follow verbal lists, given his confusion of her initial explanation of what she needs. Once she gives clear, concise instructions, which she also pairs with a visual demonstration of what she wants, he understands and obeys) 

He halted just as he was about to disappear, shoulders stiff.“Will that be all?”

A devilish part of me wondered how far I could push him. If Ipretended it was necessary for my Craft, could I command him to stand on hishead or turn in a circle threetimes while he prepared the hare? Only my empty stomach’s increasingly urgentdemands prevented me from having some fun at his expense. “For now,” I replied.

 She probably could have done tbh. Not to say Rook, or autistic people, are incapable of critical thought but it’s more...A combination of literal thinking, and the struggle with reading people’s intentions. Isobel knows about this thing, and he does not, he has no reason to assume she would lie about what she needs, and without any knowledge of the required steps involved in cooking, and also without the inclination to suspect Isobel of having any intentions that aren’t purely practical/are in any way malicious, he’d probably be inclined to do whatever she asked, see: ‘I will bring you your sticks’. 

Organisation/Piling: 

However, as I crunched afterhim through the brambles, which disintegrated at a touch, my eyes fell on theneat pile of twigs and leaves he had taken from my hair—and despite myself Ismiled.

I love this little detail, too. Because not only did he pick the twigs and leaves out of her hair, but he further felt the need to pile them up neatly instead of just dumping them on the ground as twigs and leaves tend to be. This one is a little stereotypical but it’s also not false (and is a thing i know I would unconsciously do as well, so you know...) 

Difficulty With Empathy/Responding to Emotional Upheval: 

Grief smashed through my final defenses like a battering ram. Igave a strangled sob, so tired I couldn’t tell if my scratchy, aching eyes owedthemselves more to exhaustion or tears.

Rook sank onto the end of thesettee. He hesitated, then peeled his coat off and laid it over me. It was warmand smelled of him. Overwhelmed by his gentleness, I began weeping again inearnest. He drew back in alarm, clearly thinking he’d made things worse.

“Er,” he said. He patted the nearest part of me he could reach,which was my foot. “I apologize for . . . that. If you wouldstop crying now,” he added, a trifle desperately,with a note of princely command.

 This was the part that officially finished me. He knows Isobel is upset, and that he should do something to help/wants to help, but isn’t quite sure what to do. He also misreads her renewed crying, assuming that he’d done the wrong thing in giving her his coat. And then we reach the foot patting which is just...A hilarious ‘rules gone wrong’ type thing (Internal Rule: Human is upset - pat the human, this makes them better. Application: *Rook pats Isobel’s foot* A+++ Comfort Skills) 

And it’s all topped off by ‘If you would stop crying now’ which is just....The most wonderful response to a crying person EVER (and also mirrored in the way he orders her to get control of herself when she’s laughing hysterically over the hare incident near the beginning of the book). The desperation is perfect too, it’s like, I know this crying is an expression of your upset, and I don’t want that to be the case, I don’t know what to do, it’s making me uncomfortable please stop I don’t know how else to help you. 

The confusion in ‘I apologize for...that’ is good too bc he’s like ???? Isobel ???? Isobel what am I apologising for????? Isobel I did the right thing ???? Isobel why are you like this I do not understand. 

(the princely command is amazing too, like, maybe if I give it as an order that’ll work. Like we have transcended comfort here, he tried that, that didn’t work, now he’s just moving on to other ways of dealing with a situation. Which is grand in a practical problem but...Not ideal when it comes to emotional ones) 

OKAY. I THINK THAT’S ENOUGH TO BE GOING ALONG WITH. 

TL;DR: Rook is my precious autistic bean and this headcanon improved my enjoyment of this book by approximately 10000% bc god bless characters I can relate to on this level tbh. 

((As a fun side note: I also read Isobel as autistic, and did so before I did Rook. I think if she wasn’t set beside Rook, this would be far more obvious, but it’s still there with her. And honestly, I’m tripping over hc rep in this book and I’m Delighted. BLESS U FOR THIS QUESTION)) 

[freshginandtonic]

My Watch is.. still going

Since starting a new position at work and waking up at 2:30 every morning I have become a hermit - bad for my social life and general wellbeing, but a great time to start watching a new TV series. Or rather, a show that’s not new at all, just one that everyone has been watching for 8 years, and I’m just jumping on the bandwagon now. Yes, I have finally gotten into Game of Thrones. As I write this I have five more episodes of the final season to watch, so I figured now was as good a time as any for some self-reflection on the fact that, in between working ten hours a day, the rest of my time has been devoted to finding out who will end up on the Iron Throne and sleeping.

I’ve always been of the credence that yes, one day when I’m 60 and have enough time, I will in fact sit down and watch Game of Thrones. That all changed at 4am in the last week of May, when I arrived at work to find a package on my desk -  w the words ‘unbowed, unbent, unbroken’ written on it - I later learned that was the motto of one of the great houses of GoT - and a USB inside, with the first season all ready for me. Thanks to my colleague Will, my watch had begun.

Throughout each episode I’ve live texted Will my thoughts, emotions and reactions to just about every scene - usually in all capitals. I’ve noticed this has greatly added to the quality of my viewing - it’s nice to know you can send a one line quote from Season 2 episode six and he’ll know exactly where I am in which episode and can respond in kind with a follow up line, appropriate gif or meme. It’s different to the normal viewing experience because while you don’t have the immediacy and intimacy of an in-person response, the anticipation of a text reaction feels like more of a shared, special event - I’m taking time while watching this thing to let you know I’m watching the thing: here are my raw thoughts. Far more exciting.

My phone had to be put down for some moments though - particularly for the Battle of the Bastards - it was such a sensory overload I couldn’t be trusted to text properly AND keep track of Jon Snow. 

So I began, a novice in season one (in love with Jon and Robb and protective of Ned - how well did THAT turn out?) and I quickly realised I wasn’t going to be able to get through this without some help. So I had some red wine to cope with the first big death of the season (it’s been so long I can’t really remember who it is now) and got on with it. Then came Ned’s death (cue gasps) and onwards to the most important part of season three - no, not the Red Wedding - you better believe I’m talking about Robb Stark’s first relationship and sex scene w cute healer Talisa. I will say I never thought a scene with a leg amputation could be choked with sexual tension, but let me tell you GoT made it happen (context: Robb is on the battlefield being smouldery, Talisa comes to help a wounded enemy soldier and has to cut his leg off while she and Robb exchange heated flanter) and then they finally get it on after she tells some heart wrenching story about her brother (sad but it went right out of my head as soon as I saw Robb’s bum. It’s the important things).

There’s been a lot written about the shock value of Game of Thrones - killing main characters for the sake of killing them, using sexual violence as a plot device, and gratuitous violence. Regarding the sex and violence; first, there’s a Lot if it. A lot more than I thought. Lots of boobs and bums and moments where I had to pause when a family member came into the room. I was pretty surprised at how normalised this became for me - before long I found myself glad and inwardly cheering when someone got axed, poisoned, or ripped apart by dogs (you all know who I mean here.) 

When violence was used, sometimes in not-so-great moments (shall we be reminded of Sansa’s awful rape scene) - it did  sometimes serve as a real catharsis to see some truly terrible people be given their comeuppance (Ramsay’s great ending, Joffrey’s wedding, ) Other people who don’t deserve it are brutalised as well (once again Sansa, and how many others I can’t remember). There’s definitely no discrimination on that front.

 There’s also a weird sense of redemption. Not in every character (obvs - what show is this again?) but being able to follow a character’s arc in one go without break has made their journey all the more meaningful. Particularly for the character of Theon: (a brief summation: he betrays his adopted family and best friend, then gets mutilated and psychologically tortured and broken down before he breaks down and changes). Seeing him come to back to life and find his morals again has been a real highlight and emotional strongpoint of the show for me. I cheered and teared up for each bout of progress he made - fair play to him, he took his fucking time and made loads of mistakes along the way, but he got there.

Regarding the controversial Ending™ my dad told me he read about one guy who binged the whole show like I’ve done, and he had a markedly improved opinion of the final season compared to other people. Everyone I’ve spoken to has, in their own words, said there’s a Golden Period (roughly seasons 2 - 6), and then everything from then on is basically horse shit. I don’t know if that’s right or I’m in a position to judge yet, but right now there’s nothing more satisfying to see characters who have been on separate journeys for literally 8 seasons come together and interact after so long.

So to sum up watching seven and a half seasons, roughly 68 hours and 4080 minutes of TV in under a month - it’s been A Lot. I think I have popular and unpopular opinions about the characters and storylines (pop: Jaimie and Brienne need to bang) vs (unpop: Dany’s character development - nope and she needs to stop conquering cities pls). I am glad I’ve waited this long to watch it all in one go (if I had to wait a year to find out what happened to Jon Snow after the season five finale I would have fucking RIOTED). I’ve appreciated the small moments: the Night’s Watch banter, the dire pups, Jon and Ygritte’s excellent enemies to lovers relationship (a personal favourite trope of mine), and everything Varys says, to the bigger pieces of the puzzle: Jon’s true heritage, the Stark’s getting avenged, Arya’s and mainly Sansa’s transformation from the girl who wanted to marry Joffrey to the absolute badass bish she is from where I currently sit.

So is my life changed? Nope. But at least now I’m part of the cultural carpet. My watch is nearly over, but what an absolute time its been.

HONOURABLE MENTIONS OF GREAT MOMENTS FOR THOSE IN THE KNOW (AKA EVERYONE ON EARTH)

Sam getting ripped for reading by all the dudes in the Night’s Watch

Dany’s excellent outfit choices in s7/8 - a particular shoutout to the winter outfit of season 7 episode 8 and the grey frock with the red dragon cape (LIVING for the texture)

Ditto Cersei - taking power suits to a whole new level since taking the Iron Throne (this particular outfit is an absolute LEWK and the picture doesn’t do the spiky shoulders justice)

Jon’s transition to the man bun post-resurrection (I personally detest man buns but I absolutely loved this change for him)

Sansa’s dead straight curtain of hair - there’s something super satisfying about it after years of her wearing those Padme Amidala style ‘Southern Style’ hair

The entirety of House Tyrell (particular mention to Lady Olenna who deserves all the awards in the world for only killing one character in this show)

Lady Margaery’s sassy backless dresses (she knows how to make the most of the King’s Landing climate)

Jaime and Brienne’s entire relationship (from the enemies to friends trope to him GIVING HER HIS SWORD AND A WHOLE SUIT OF ARMOUR) - if that’s not a love confession then I will just cut off my own damn hand

The entirety of the shirtless Flex Scene™ of the pilot

Sansa saying the iconique phrase ‘How do you answer these charges, Lord BaELISH’

Any time anyone said the words ‘King in the North’

Battle of the Bastards - need I say more. I won’t big it up like so many of the magazines and entertainment websites did, but it felt like one of the most realistic depictions of a medieval battle you could find. I felt it in my gut. I don’t know how you couldn’t. When Jon couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t breathe.

Bran literally being the group member of the assignment who drags you down bc he just sits in a cave