#to be denied it at the last second.
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A drunk call, 2009
#happy November 5th!#dean will not remember this btw#he’s had 1234567.. A LOT OF BEERS#!!!#oh to love something that looks so human but is nowhere close to it. does its heart even beat?#and to be inhuman. to so desperately want even a glimpse of humanity#to be denied it at the last second.#what internalized homophobia does to a bitch#nov 5th#November 5th#deancas#destiel#dean winchester#castiel#spn#supernatural#supernatural fanart#destiel fanart#deancas fanart#art#fanart#digital art#fan art#my art#long post
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the throwbacks from chengdu open | atptour instagram story
there's more in the reblogs !!
#chengdu open#chengdu open 2024#casper ruud#karen khachanov#grigor dimitrov#taylor fritz#matteo berrettini#uhhh#is that shauger?????#second last i KNOW that face omg who is that#if u know any that r missing pls comment !!!!#denis shapovalov#felix auger aliassime#john isner#miomir kecmanovic
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i fear the ending of agatha all along is once again making people confuse “i didn’t like the ending/the ending made me sad” with “that was bad writing”
#like don’t get me wrong there are other things i wish we’d gotten (rio and agatha’s backstory and agatha getting the dark hold for instance)#but the finale made perfect sense. and like yes i understand bury your gays is never fun#but sometimes gays just die. mainly when they’re in love with DEATH like cmon#and she’s a ghost so she’s barely even dead#like y’all are out here making me defend MARVEL and their writing can we please not#agatha all along is genuinely one the best things marvel has put out in a long time - start to finish#and the writing is good - ESPECIALLY in the last two eps. sorry!#like i saw some people saying ‘oh they did used the whole show to tell us she wasn’t evil and then erased it in three seconds’#like babe if you genuinely think that i’m afraid you’re lacking media literacy#agatha IS evil they’ve never tried to deny that#there’s just also more to her than that and that’s what the show has been about#how she is misunderstood and also does a lot of bad things. two things can be true#agatha all along
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Deacon really just wants to learn about all the deities and so he really would be interested in meeting more deities but also he's not convinced Ohiwe and Ohime would ever suggest this for his own benefit. He's a bit scared which is fair.
#my characters#the fire deities do actually use nicknames for the other deities such as ymber is ym#and its not like every single time they talk to or about ymber that they use it#however there IS a deity that they have both very fondly dubbed Princess#and Princess is always Princess never anything else#no one else calls him Princess - its just the duo#deacon really would absolutely love to go and meet other deities IF he got to meet them with ymber#if hes separated from ymber hell cry tho do not separate him from his boss#its really cool how i was sick for two days and then last night the second i posted the art#i got slammed with a weather warning and had to shut down#and it was stormy all night and all day until about 2pm i think it quieted down?#and then my internet is still very upset and refuses to load tabs i try to load#and it took me uhhhhh three attempts to load tumblr and create a new post#it denied me post making rights and i was getting worried
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god the hits really don’t stop fucking coming do they.
#genuinely cannot take much more of this#i hit my limit about 4 weeks ago#and it just won’t fucking stop#coming up on six weeks of having varying levels of Horrors(tm) happening to me on a weekly basis#and sometimes multiple Horrors(tm) in a week#lost my job#my cat died#had an asbestos scare#my partner’s cat almost died#he had to have emergency surgery#and then when he came home had to go straight back to the emergency vet to have emergency surgery a second time bc they fucked up#had a huge fight with my partner bc oh yeah this whole time we’ve also been moving!!!#but there was some stupidly unnecessary drama around the security deposit/getting the old house clean#and this whole time while grieving and losing my income and all of this shit I am also still a disabled/chronically ill person#so I’m forcing my body to keep working through increasingly instense flare ups#on top of all of this we have a houseguest who has vastly overstayed their welcome.#they’ve been here for SIX WEEKS and are showing no signs of going home#so much shit has happened in the past six weeks that I don’t even know if I’m remembering all of it here in these tags#and now. I have been denied for unemployment and received a notice that I have to pay back what they already paid me#bc i ‘missed the deadline to verify my identity’#except they NEVER SENT ME THE IDENTITY VERIFICATION LETTER#I’ve been keeping an eye out for it and I’ve kept every letter I’ve received from them#nothing has the verification password.#I filed an appeal but the confirmation page said it could take weeks to get a hearing#so what the fuck am I supposed to do in the meantime#i wish I were fucking dead to be honest#that would be preferable to the last six weeks
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@lemon-embalmer I need you to know that these tags made me laugh out loud. best most succinct description of her character in the world
#the entire end of her thieves guild questline and then a fair chunk of her time afterward is her systematically destroying everything#that she's built in this environment. and then going 'oh fuck I think I might want that back actually'#creating an obscene amount of work for herself to try to make up lost ground#'remember when I spat on your grief and trauma and all of your most important life choices. and worked with you to try to fix it all only t#tear it all from your grasp at the last second thus denying you any sense of satisfaction and catharsis'#'so I had one (1) moment of authentic self-reflection and realised that I don't think that was the best move for me. oops. so.#water under the bridge right'#'you did sell my soul so we kind of are bound together lifelong. that's on you man maybe you shouldn't have conned me'#she's my best friend :))) fuckin weirdo
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God I can't fuckin catch a break my adhd keeps pelting me with so many things to be obsessive about and my autism makes sure that if I don't interact with them I'm gonna feel like my chest is being torn out and I'm dying slowly but my adhd doesn't let me actually choose one to interact with cause it keeps bringing up the others but my autism is panicking about that because I need to have a Thing to do
I just want to like. Read, write or draw in peace. Is that too much to ask for. Five minutes
I missed having a hyperfixation when I didn't for a month or so but I forgot how extreme my brain gets about them ig they're called hyper for a reason
#Ranting#AuDHD#Adhd#Autism#neurodivergent#hyperfixation#special interest#Either this is an adhd hyperfixation or an autism thing and if it's the first one I'll be okay within a few weeks to a month#But if it's the second then I'll be MIA for my other blogs and my friends and my family and my life for. Up to two years knowing me#I won't#I'll learn to deal with it again in a bit#But like my parents already think I'm having a depressive episode#And they deny that I'm ND (even after my psychiatrist said I was??) so I can't explain it to them#I'm painfully excited about this stuff. I love having passion like this but ughh I was NOT prepared#My hyperfixations always do this like I go without for a few weeks to a month every year or so#And I'm super lost and sad and grey and passionless yk#And then they fucking SMACK ME IN THE HEAD WITH A STICK#SURPRISE!! GET FUCKIN SMACKED WITH THE HYPERFIXATION STICK#NO MORE FUNCTIONING#like I haven't texted my best friend/ platonic partner ALL DAY#And I spend literally all night last night cuddling with him and being sappy and telling him how much I love him#Like I'm an autistic introvert#needing recovery time after Socialing is normal#But I didn't even say good morning or good night#He knows me so it isn't an issue but like#I forgot how intense this stuff is like. 24/7 I'm thinking about It#I really do have AuDHD don't I#It's pretty obvious
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a long shot i know, but if anybody happens to have a copy of the wall of storms (book 2 in the dandelion dynasty by ken liu) and is willing to send me a pic of two of the pages in chapter 7, please let me know!! the copy i got out from the library has a torn page, and though i can pretty much guess what's missing, it would be cool to put a note in there for the next person <3
#it's the third-to-last and the second-to-last pages of chapter 7 in the copy i have. pages 101 and 102#starting with 'What do talent and wisdom have to do with the daughter of a poor peasant?'#and ending right before 'Perhaps it is the will of the gods that we meet‚ and who am I to deny their wishes?'#also i know i have some librarian followers so if any of you have opinions about what to do in this situation feel free to advise meee#should i tell the library that the copy is damaged? how? one time in the past a book was in such bad shape i actually rubber-banded it#and put a note under the rubber band. otherwise it would have fallen apart#and then i put it in the book return. but i feel like that's probably not the way to go most of the time#if i put a note in there with the missing words will the library notice and if so will they leave it in?#seems a shame to lose a whole copy when it's just this one page that has a problem#the dandelion dynasty#ken liu#the wall of storms#my posts#this series is so fascinating and i'm getting really into it but i do understand why there doesn't seem to be much of a fandom for it#the characters are complex and interesting but they're not blorbos#obviously that's very subjective but#in a way the characters themselves are not the point of this series. not sure if i can describe it
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I wish so badly I knew how to record things cos lemme tell you so many of these hours were absolute bangers of unique narrative-through-combat, sheer bloody cheek of someone who's Playstyle with RPGs is always 'rogue', or the despair/delight of saying exactly what astarion was about to say aloud with my human mouth--
#last nights highlights include giggling manically at the cleanest painting theft from nine fingers#absolutely obliterating the githyaki portal masters in the emperors house because combat even started#(astarion took one out so quickly i listerally misty stepped away from the body without initiative popping)#repeatedly pointing at astarion smirking in the background of the convo with the Tomes seller when she wouldnt let us at the netherese book#like 'this guy knew exactly what was gonna happen the second this lady mentioned a vault and she hadnt even denied access yet'#(i have stolen multiple books from the vault#as was pre-destined)#also just the sheer insanity of symon's (tav) charisma rolls like... the 30-40 range is not uncommon rn
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venting dont mind me xp ✌
#if i dont get out of my parents house im going to die#either by my hand or my mothers#i refuse to be forced into the role of woman becuz my mother cant get over herself or accept other peoples suffering#so i either leave or i die#i am never more depressed than when im in this house and it gets worse everytime i return#every second of oeace is a facade careful held up by smiles and jokes while ignoring who i am to please others#and ignorjng the genuinely genocidal beliefs of my parents against myltple peoples#at least one of which includes me#why cant life be easy#when is it .y turn to tbrive#in this hluse i am no older than a middle schooler no more mature or happy#everyday i dream of relapsing sh-ing just for some control of the pain i experiemce something anything#maybe someone will finally listen to me and se ehow ioset i am see how smothered i am and the sting will pull me back down to earth again#but no who would see would understand#my brothers or my parents none of them would kniw why even if i said it to thwir face#i dint event even want to think of what my mother woukd say#shed use it as an excuse to further deny my transness surely#say how horribke and spirtful and manipulative i am against her#that i ddi it to hurt her#i am trapped as a doll in a house only allowed to be agreeable no politics no emotions other tan#contentness and love and adoration for my family#or else i am unloveavle and horrible and sick#i cannot tell my mom she has uoset me becuz it would be unfair i am silent instead#i am to take her anger and rage as a perfect recepticle and no matter how well i handle it#i am thanked with resentment amd scorn amd terfisms#i can neither disagree woth her beliefs nor avoid discussing them to keeo the oeace all she wants is comoliance#i refuse to do that tho ill take hee scorn on that one thing i refuse to xomprimise my beliefs verbally to save my own skin#ill just be quiet#im sure id be a better recepticle for her dead so she can dress me up as a girl one last time#the dead cant argue or disagree with you its everything she wants from me
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alsooo, was it you that replied to an anon ask about daniel saying smth abt his future seeming uncertain which is why theres sm speculation around it? my tumblr app shut down while i was reading it and i've been trying to find it :)
I don’t think that was me because I’m not sure if there’s been any recent quotes of Daniel saying he was uncertain about his future. There was that one quote about him saying he knows he deserves to be sacked if he gets his ass handed to him but that was quite some time ago.
Daniel has been almost defiant towards his detractors since China. He knows he has the team’s support and a large part of it I believe, also comes from him getting that feeling of confidence he was missing before the chassis change.
#I see a lot of people on Twitter commenting on this second replacement rumour#and how it reflects the McLaren situation#and I cannot stress enough just how much different this is#sure Daniel kept saying his seat was safe till the very last minute but you also had Zak brown incessantly talking about exit clauses#while everyone from Horner to Mekies to Bayer to freaking helmut have all denied the rumours#and his core team has over and over again talked about the progress Daniel’s been making#anon.txt
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literally in distress over my job rejecting my availability
#like....#okay#i'm already on holiday for two weeks - paid#and what i wanted was a couple of days extra (unpaid) so i could stay at home longer#and every time i tried talking to my manager she brushed me off#last time i talked to her she said “no that's enough you're not changing anything else”#but like? once i asked her to confirm the dates because our weeks don't follow the usual pattern#the other - i had put in a request for two days ahead of my holiday (turns out one of them was already included but that's not the point)#which they ignored - literally no approval or denial#instead they just put me on a shift#which i did end up asking about - essentially agreeing to do another shift they needed cover for if they took me off that shift#that's all#and when we talked last i had to remind her to take that shift off as she had agreed to. this is when i also mentioned my availability req#which she had been 'too busy to look at'#today i found out she denied it#which like. okay. there might not be enough people etc etc but i would've liked a chance to talk about it?#best believe that next time i'm in - which is only tuesday when they'll probs already have me scheduled for new shifts already#i'll ask why#and i'm sure nothing will change because they don't care#but i'm in such a state#i have never been so homesick. i am quite literally holding on by a thread here. and i only ever go home like...once a year#one year it was twice but the second time was for four days#i NEED this#but i couldn't even tell them this#anyways#just needed to put this somewhere because my god
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there’s one version of an f/m/m triangle that crops up so often I’m surprised there isn’t at least a tvtropes/vernacular name for it. Miyokichi/Kiku/Shin. Molly/Fitz/Fool. Asuka/Shinji/Kaworu. Futaba/Taichi/Touma. not-really-but-you-could-shove-it-in-here Luthien/Beren/Finrod. Utena/Touga/Saionji is a twisted spun-on-its-head version of it. Specifically comprising:
masculine male character A: either is the protagonist or a character on to which male viewers can project.
female character B: a secondary character and A’s official love interest, often kept apart from A by story/circumstance/gender roles. Shows some resentment of the trials she’s put through by the story in being A’s lover such as being shoved to the side, cut out of his life, or put in danger.
less masculine male character C: another major character, A’s devoted sidekick, feminine and/or conspicuously cold toward women or sexuality, somewhat ill-used by A but not resentful about it, as a contrast to B.
The dynamic is used pretty equally by female and male creators, though probably with different purposes. Outside the story, there’s a clear explanation for how the roles are divided: men are main, women are peripheral. Obviously the female love interest has to be on the margins of the story. Obviously the male main character has to have an ally in-story who can bounce dialogue back. Any human person has to have a best friend (for men, has to be male) and a lover (for men, has to be female). The major character male bestie and the minor character female gf is the minimum character dynamic you need to sustain the main character as a believable construction.
Except within the story, the dynamic begs far too many questions. On B’s part: her other half and love interest uses her for sex once every few chapters and dumps her to go off on another plot-relevant adventure. She’s kept in the dark, talked down to, pushed away, and distrusted. Her place at her sweetie’s side is occupied by Some Dude and no matter how much she puts into their relationship, she’s always going to be a prize for after the mission. Why does she stay with him? What could possibly attract her about this bestubbled grunt machine whose passion for the sword outmatches anything she’s given him?
On C’s part: he gets used as an emotional support crutch, designed to service his best friend’s every need at the expense of his own goals or story. He’s a housewife, he’s a domestic, he does every thankless story task with a smile because he has to provide the exposition/set up the plot/set the plan in action that carries the main male character to victory. He doesn’t have a love interest of his own, meanwhile the most important person in his life is obsessed with a woman he barely speaks to. Why should he care so much about someone who only takes? Why is he committed to this one-way friendship? What does he think of taking the backseat, providing support, submerging his own will for the sake of a person instead of an ideology?
On A’s part: if he’s a red-blooded heterosexual male character who pursues a woman as is acceptable, why does he dig himself so deep in with his designated ally? Through dialogue and because he has to in order to show the audience, he exposes his heart and soul to C and keeps him in his pocket for as long as we are watching, so why then does he cast him aside so easily? He invests the most time and energy into his relationship with C, cultivating love and loyalty there, but he draws the line so firmly in the sand that the audience is sure he’ll never, ever step aside for one minute to follow the friend. Why does he choose a man for his emotional battery? Why doesn’t he communicate with his supposed partner? Why does he choose to use B and C for sex and solace respectively, and why don’t they ever mix?
The gender dynamics wrap around to simple: women aren’t up to being equal partners to a cool guy, so you need a male wife to do everything for you and appreciate the protagonist’s sick abilities. romance with a man is perverse and impossible, so you need a female love interest to prove that the protagonist isn’t gay and fulfil the audience’s needs. But in-between all of that you could ask some interesting questions of the spoke character, A, the male protagonist whose actions are taken as normal. the question being: bro. what’s wrong with you
#kelsey rambles#aaaaaand the only thing that satisfactorily calls the A-character on his mistreatment is the podcast CARAVAN. which is not good#actually i'd go as far as to say it's bad#rgu goes into it a little but it's nowhere near the main focus of the series#using asuka-shinji-kaworu as the example that just sucks so bad#shinji's treatment of asuka is so horrible and misogynistic and despite her screentime. in shinji's mind she's never more than peripheral#and gets dumped at the last second and turned into a corpse. she's an object of desire and he refuses to recognize the ways they're the same#on the other hand shinji loves and idolizes kaworu.....only in as far as kaworu is his own dream guy who gives him everything he wants#and never makes even the slightest hint of a glimmer of expectation of anything from shinji in return#the moment kaworu's desires become explicit--he's not only killed but erased from the story altogether#eva rebuild 4.0 does this in the most insulting way possible by farming him off with....rei?#not to try and take eva rebuild seriously but the way it expands on kaworu and sidelines asuka is somehow insulting to both of them#even moreso than the original series was. which is saying something#someday i have to read the eva manga because i hear it takes kaworu in a more problematic direction that is still a direction and so better#or as for SGRS--shin is far more loving and devoted to kiku than he is to any woman and takes a killing blow for him#he watches him in life and guides him through the underworld. he gives more to kiku than he gives to anyone.#yet as a character any possibility of like-liking kiku is denied. what's the damage there?#how does it make story sense? why does kiku have a more serious relationship with a woman than the ostensibly straight shin?#the answer is The Misogyny but even then it's jarring to have shin's plain love be obfuscated with the constant references to being straight#as opposed to kiku. who actually has girlfriends and not one-night stands#it's nonsensical to read shin as a straight man and yet any possibility of him returning kiku's feelings is barred off blacked out redacted#leaving us with a dog's breakfast of a dynamic that IS fun. because in this case it's intentionally bad. and the author is winking at us
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Thinking about Brooke again
#HMMMMMM SO MANY SO MANY THOUGHTS#Cartoon Brooke was WASTED#she was a GLORIOUS MCGUFFIN#she did the sAME THING IN BOTH SPECIALS SHE WAS A MAJOR PART OF AND SHE DID NOT HAVE ANY CHARACTER GROWTH OR ANYTHING AT ALL#BUT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE SHE DID#SHE COULD HAVE HAD A MUCH MORE INTERESTING CHARACTER ARC IN WAY TOO WONDERLAND#HAVE HER FACE REPRICUSSIONS!!!! HAVE HER BE AFRAID TO HELP AGAIN BUT HAVE HER BE UNABLE TO DENY HELPING BECAUSE SHE LOVES THESE PEOPLE!!!#THEY TRIED. THEY TRIED SO HARD WHEN BROOKE DENIED HELPING THEM FOR .5 SECONDS#''NaRrAtOr'S hAvE rUlEs ToO'' YEA RULES YOU DIDN'T CARE ABOUT BREAKING IN THE LAST SPECIAL AND LIKE TWO EPISODES AGO IN THE SAME SPECIAL#AND YOU CLEARLY HAVE NO PROBLEM BREAKING THEM FIVE SECONDS LATER#GIVE BROOKE THE ARC SHE DESERVES YOU COWARDS#THE WAY I SEE IT YOU COULD GO TWO ROUTES WITH BROOKE AFTER SPRING UNSPRUNG#ONE IS BASICALLY JUST THE BROOKE REFUSES TO GET PUNISHED ROUTE WHERE SHE RUNS AWAY AND FUCKS SHIT UP#AND IN THE OTHER BROOKE IS WAY TOO AFRAID TO GET PUNISHED AGAIN AND WITH THE COMBO OF HER PARENTS BEING UNABLE TO HELP HER NARRATE SHE JUST#FEELS LOST AND AFRAID BECAUSE SHE NEVER HAD A SOLO NARRATION AND SHE GAINS MORE CONFIDENCE IN HER ABILITIES THE MORE SHE GOES ON#SHE WAS SCARED OF HER FIRST SOLO NARRATION IN THE BOOK#SHE WAS EXCITED AND AFRAID#SHOW HER BEING AFRAID!!!!#SHE WAS SOOO PUMPED AND EXCITED AND ANTSY AND QUICK TO JUMP THE GUN IN THE LAST SPECIAL LET WHATEVER PUNISHMENT SHE FACED BRING HER DOWN#TO A POINT WHERE SHE'S TOO AFRAID TO EVEN OPEN HER MOUTH TO SAY THAT THERE'S A COUP#TO EVEN MENTION IT#LET HER PARENTS BE THERE TO KEEP HER IN CHECK AT FIRST TO MAKE SURE SHE DOESN'T BREAK THE RULES AGAIN#LET HER BE UNDER JUST SOOO MUCH PRESSURE#AND ONCE THEY'RE GONE SHE CAN SHED HERSELF OF HER FEARS AND INSECURITIES THE LONGER SHE GOES ON NARRATING ALONE#AAAA#ever after high#eah#brooke page#i am off the deep end
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Icl if Marc gets the factory seat I will give Jorge fuel and a lighter and telling him to have at it
#second in the championship last year and leading it this year and they want to give the seat to *checks notes* the old man#also if you disagree good for you but i dont care to hear about it#it must be the vale parasite in my brain but ive just never been too bothered for marquez#like hes great i wont deny that but to me he'll never be as good as rossi#marc marquez#jorge martin#ducati#motogp
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Everyone in The Talented Mr Ripley is just the physical embodiment of a Leyendecker painting(including the homoerotica!!)
#my god guys that movie!!! THAT MOVIE!!!!!!#i was only watching it bcs i wanted to watch more Matt Damon movies and i saw him talk abt it in an interview#and hes very cute when he was younger so im like ooo sure ill watch it!!#and my mom was like oh okay ill watch it! i havent seen it since it came out#DID NOT EXPECT IT TO BE SO GAY?????????(/pos of course)#for like the first 20 mins my mom is like 'youre reading into it too much. its not gay'#AND THEN THE BATHTUB SCENE 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠#what if we played chess except you were naked in the bath and i asked if i could get in along w you 😳#and from then on proceeded to become increasingly homoerotic#i will pretend the last 5 mins didnt happen 🙏#matt damon 🫢 i didnt realize he could play a queer chara!! he was soooo fucking good!!#its mostly bcs i didnt expect it to be homoerotic at all so i kept screaming every time it just got more#also bcs my mom denied it bcs she didnt remember it being so queer so i had to just keep looking at her like 😏#i think i liked his second male lover more they were very cute and even more explicitly queer#like with him and jude law its homoerotic but like also youre like huh is it just a close friendship? its a different era so?#but nope nope nope#very great movie very fantastic loved it so much. so sorry for the amnt of gifs im abt to reblog#catie.rambling.txt
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