#to be clear my feelings aren't hurt i do not care specifically if they didn't like my art

[eff-plays]

Sorry I don't wanna go back to more discourse but MAN only an Astarion fan would see a silly goofy fanart of him and Tav meowing at each other (which is a meme reference btw) and start shidding crying throwing up at how much it hurts for them to see Tav make fun of his precious silly side. Bro can you calm down. He's not real. But the person who drew that art IS real. And you going out of your way to leave negative tags on art they spent days making is a much bigger dick move than one fictional character lightly teasing another. Absolutely insane lmao. No concept of anything whatsoever.

[rheakira]

I've come to temporarily break my hiatus to bring up something deeply important. Because after a recent event, if I have to go another day without talking about it, I don't know what I'll do.

Fandoms have an enormous issue when it comes to bigotry and people feeling comfortable enough to be openly bigoted.

And I want to make it clear: everyone is capable of it. In fact, most people do it more often than they don't. But because this strange myth has been built up that if you aren't "blatantly saying slurs" or "killing others" it can't possibly be bigotry, we have done nothing but become dangerous behind closed doors.

If your friend has odd beef with a person of color in the fandom and holds them to standards they don't hold their white friends to, that is bigotry. If your friend feels some sort of way about the trans person in your friend group and tries to come up with reasons for why they specifically can't stay, that is also bigotry. If your group insists that a person with a personality disorder is making it up just for attention and uses that as a reason for why they can't be around them, that is bigotry as well.

I've never been upfront about it because... why do I, as a human being, need to be upfront about my identity when people randomly decide what I am? But I am in fact a person of color who is queer and disabled. Whenever I join a fandom group that is mostly white people, I am liked until this is discovered. And then I watch as people get brutal about things I do or say. Things that they don't do to other people in the group, and I also watch as they take my words and either twist them for convenience or ruin my reputation for it.

As a marginalized person, both in fandom and out, you are held to a unique standard that does not apply to other human beings around you. It makes doing what you love very difficult, because unfortunately as a marginalized person, people will always subconsciously side with the person trying to oppress or attack you. This has happened to me my entire life, from school to work spaces to even internet spaces claiming to be safe places.

People will say that they care about you and like you and even form a friendly bond with you, but the moment a person of privilege decides they do not like you very much, they can and will side with the other person even without proof of their issues with you. It's exhausting and ruins lives in places that should be fun and safe.

I am on my umpteenth experience with this exact cycle and I would be lying if I said it didn't make me feel like I couldn't live or breath in places I should be allowed to be involved in. It's a very real problem that refuses to end because no one has the courage to challenge it. I am speaking not only on my own experiences, but for the many other people of color or queers or disabled people who simply cannot join these so called "safe spaces" because of our identities conflicting with people who have been taught that we are lesser and not worth love or care.

If this is a problem you face, please know that I see you and I love you. It's hard to keep surviving in a world that wants to hurt you and leaves you abandoned and alone. I want you to know that the world is scary, but we all exist. You should be allowed to experience joy and fun without feeling like you're being suffocated and wanting to die.

You matter. The people around you that make you feel like you don't are nothing by comparison. You matter and I truly hope that we'll one day find each other and become the safe space that we deserve.

The marginalized people in your fandom are more important than your fictional characters and plotlines that you put above us. We're here and we're not leaving. Learn to live with us and protect us.

If we're truly your friends, you would care when your privileged "friends" want to remove us.

Additionally, please do not take this rant and make it only about white people who are part of these marginalized categories. This is a post about EVERYONE. Including the people of color around you. Do not remove us from this conversation. Care about ALL OF US if you support this at all. Thank you.

[ennn]

Guys, Agatha and Rio fighting because of Billy is OKAY

Because it’s not really about Billy. It’s about them. Billy’s just the immediate problem, the catalyst for a fight that’s been brewing since the first episode.

Now I know there’s been more focus on Billy lately, the same way Wandavision at times focused on Monica and her hero origin story – but Billy's story is here because of what it tells us about Agatha – who's projecting hard on the boy (see my other meta post on their relationship).

And this development isn't a twist. The situation between two has always been tense (in ways good and bad). And it looks like these two messy bitches are basically making their relationship problems everyone’s problem.

Let’s look at what the text’s been telling us, shall we?

GIF credit to michaun

There’s animosity between Agatha and Rio that’s unresolved

As sexy their fight in episode one was (and boy was it), there’s certainly anger and resentment between the two, or at least the easily combustible grounds for it. Now we have an idea of why Agatha is mad at Rio (Nicky) although we're less clear about what Agatha did to piss Rio off: was it just Agatha running away or was it something specific she did?

Regardless I don't think Rio is kidding when making threats of bodily harm.

GIF credit: sersi

And neither does Agatha. But she knows all too well how quickly Rio caves to her pouty flirting (and let’s be honest Rio knows too), and basically manages to get a reprieve from her exe’s retribution in episode 1.

GIF credit: marril96

The agreement: They’ll continue fighting it out once Agatha gets her powers back.

We know this is a serious threat on the backburner because you can hear Agatha muttering about how "she's unstoppable" at the start of episode 2 while planning to flee.

More obviously, Agatha touches on it again in episode 4, asking for Rio to hold off on her violence until she finishes the Road, and they can hang out like old times: “Maybe the Road is like Switzerland…”

GIF credit daisjohnson

I absolutely get how it can be confusing because these two clearly still care for each other and are still attracted to each other, with lots of yearning looks across episode 4 and 5. As Schaeffer puts it, the muscle memory of that love is still there, feelings are still there. They were in love and there is still love between them.

But they never worked through what tore them apart in the first place.

And you can see this when Rio gently and firmly reminds Agatha that Billy isn't her son – that Nicky is really gone, and Rio still did the thing that Agatha hates her for.

Agatha closes herself off and runs, and Rio feels her scar tear open again.

Notably, Rio isn't sorry for doing her job. Her heartfelt confession – possibly the most emotionally vulnerable she can be – isn't an apology. She didn't want to hurt Agatha, but she couldn't do what Agatha wanted either. There's a disconnect there.

Chaotic vs Lawful: Billy is basically the new Nicky

Now we know Nicky was the reason they first separated. And it’s still a theory but I think there's a good chance of Rio wanting Billy dead because he probably should be. Billy Maximoff, born from The Hex, "broke the rules" to survive and some piece of Billy Kaplan still lives on despite a fatal car crash.

And that's partly why Agatha is hardcore-projecting on Billy, Agatha "I did not break the rules, they simply bent to my power" Harkness has always been a rule-breaker. That's what started her path to become the infamous witch-killer.

Not to mention Agatha is a shameless survivor. She'll certainly cheat or take shortcuts if she can get away with it. See episode 3:

GIF credit: daisjohnsons

Rio, by contrast, follows certain rules – which Agatha taunts her for — "You can't kill me, it's not allowed" – and she has a job she has to do, even if she doesn't want to. There’s a clash here of value systems as well.

To be fair, at this point Rio's motivations aren't entirely clear. It's possible Rio just wants more dead witches, or she gets impatient and angry and decides to go at that emotional vulnerability as a way of hurting her (“You’re vulnerable.” “Only physically.”)

Either way, Rio taking away a boy that Agatha now considers hers (even if only with a massive amount of projecting) after Agatha’s freshly reliving and processing the absolute devastation of Nicky's death. That is sure to bring things to an open conflict.

And these two (in their own way) are so dramatic.

Change and Growth

There are other factors as well, in terms of Agatha’s character arc and journey, which I’ve talked about in my other meta post on these two being star-crossed lovers.

It's a tragic, complicated story with these two. It’s about them, it’s about more than them.

[lenaboskow]

so last night i was sitting here trying to clear my writer's block by jumping between wips and then i had a thought: a writing experiment where i write what an "evan begins" ep would look like. and i know what you're thinking-- "we don't want that" but HEAR ME OUT (this was written while sleep deprived but i'm too lazy to rewrite it, bear with me)

"evan begins" isn't actually buck coming to terms with his given name, it's actually the beginning of him losing himself in his relationship with tommy over the course of several episodes (telling everyone that he no longer goes by buck, distancing himself from the 118, getting reckless on calls because tommy, who is as uninterested as we've seen him to be, only seems to care when he's hurt just like his parents).

and eddie. eddie hates this. he just got christopher back, and now buck is pulling away from him, from their family, from the 118, is refusing to be called buck, and won't stop risking his life for no reason. he tries, he tries so hard to get buck to listen to him. eddie never calls him evan, not once, and buck ignores him every time his name leaves his mouth. it hurts, but eddie knows that he can't give in, that he needs to fight for buck because no one else is, has time to because they're all going through their own stuff. but buck helped him get through chris being in texas, and now eddie would help buck get through whatever this is.

but buck isn't making it easy. he isn't talking to anyone, not really, but it's like he's specifically avoiding eddie. that's why it takes so long for eddie to realize what he's doing. that he's reverted back to his childhood attempts at getting attention. and the way he notices? complete accident. eddie's at the hospital, waiting for news (because buck never remembered to take eddie off of his emergency contact list, and eddie would use that power as much as possible until he realized), and tommy shows up. he and tommy aren't on the friendliest of terms anymore, mostly because of eddie's newly identified jealousy, but they make small talk. tommy makes a comment, something about how he and "evan" hadn't had the chance to go out on a date in over a week, and it clicks.

eddie shows up at the loft that night. tommy's there, he answers the door, and eddie pushes past him, heads straight to buck who's sitting on the couch that isn't even comfortable. he stands in front of him, and before buck can ask why he's at the loft, eddie says "i know what you're doing, and it needs to stop".

buck. buck just... goes quiet. the lack of a denial is enough for eddie, and he turns to tommy, telling him he needs to go. tommy puts up a fight, but eddie's more stubborn, and may or may not threaten to call athena (who is not tommy's biggest fan). is it ethical? no. does it have any legal standing? no to that as well. but eddie doesn't care, and it works, and suddenly he and buck are alone for the first time in months. and buck breaks.

he tells eddie everything, how he didn't feel like himself, and that he didn't know why he was doing what he was, but he didn't know how to stop it, how to leave this relationship that took so much from him. he tells eddie he feels like a failure, like a disappointment, and that he feels guilty for abandoning him right after chris got back. feels guilty for abandoning chris, and the rest of the 118. and eddie just holds him.

the next episode is titled "buck begins again", and we see eddie help buck pick the pieces of his life back up. there's a not so pleasant breakup, apologies are made, and eddie is right there by buck's side the entire time.

i don't think, don't want buddie to get into a relationship in this episode, but what i think would be an acceptable ending would be buck telling eddie "i know, and you know, but i'm not ready. i want to be better for you, for us, for me. will you wait for me?" and eddie just smiles, and nods his head. end episode.

[idontactuallywherepjs]

pt. 2

I loved it. I'm well past book one but i loved it. My assorted thoughts out of order that nobody asked for because im screaming

I really really like how Horace was handled. When the three bullies started on him, it was a little bit of "yeah a taste of your own medicine, learn empathy you little shit", because he was mean to Will. And it's made very clear that Will bit back, verbally, and no one party was truly in the right, but Horace was the one to start shit and used his greater physical prowess to his advantage. So with three older boys giving him hell, he might reflect a little. And that's a fine way to write a bully learning and changing.

But then. In the same scene they were introduced, the bullies took it all a step further, and messed with everyone else's things, and forced Horace to clean it up and, possibly, take the fall. In a place like Battleschool, with how strict it is? That's dangerous. And it kept building and building every time we see them. When Harvest day comes, and Will and Horace have their fight, it doesn't feel good. Because even with his actions in the moment, I felt for the kid. He felt like his friends betrayed him, while everywhere else he went his life was made a hell. The only respite was training, and that's just because it was out in the open where the bullies couldn't reach him.

And when Rhodny breaks up the fight, there is a sense of dread. Not just because it could make Rhodny think Horace is more violent then he actually is and kick him out, but because Will and Horace both aren't finished with each other. Their both angry and hurting and this fight is not over.

And then suddenly, it is. They both do their best to defend the other from the boar. They exchange words of peace. But due to the nature of the moment, a lot is left unsaid. Then the three bullies go after Horace. Then they go after Will. And again, they defend each other. And they trust each other. They are friends. Not best friends mind, there's a long ways to go, but they are in each other's corner, and through all this, Horace did gain empathy, and a greater moral compass. It didn't come out of nowhere, but it was strengthened. I really really like how it was done.

Halt being just subtly caring for a lot of the book, so it's hard for even the reader to see just how deeply he cares for Will at any given moment up until the second boar, where he just runs and Hugs Will. In front of Everyone.

That is Halts Son.

I'm going to have to reread this and pay special attention to Halt. Will captured most of my attention he is the baby boy.

Halt and Will working together to pull one over Gilan.

Also Gilan.

So silly that right before he showed up Halt was like "Former apprentices always go after their masters" and Will is about to be like "i won't" and then thought about it for a second longer and shut his mouth because. Yeah. He will.

I absolutely adore Tug. That is a good horse.

The run down of archery, the bows, and the specifics given is, while not in depth, is REALLY FING ACCURATE! LIKE THAT NEVER HAPPENS IM SO HAPPY. I DO ARCHERY AND WAS METALLY PREPPING TO SUSPEND MY DISBELIEF BUT I DIDN'T HAVE TO REALLY!

I mentioned this briefly in my first post, but I love the pacing. More than halfway through the book and we finally get plot. And none of that time was wasted, it was all spent learning the characters and world and getting comfortable so that when things are disrupted it feels disrupted.

I like that Will was a little awkward around Gilan, just because he's a new person. Like yeah they got along right away but they weren't just instantly besties.

The fight with the Kalkara was really tense and well done on all sides. The tracking was interesting, The fights were cool and believable, I was half convinced someone was going to die, and everyone's skills and fears were on full display, and made them feel more real. Even when Will got his certified Protagonist Moment TM it felt both earned and not out of place, or like the plot just decided to make it happen. The set up and pay off were both well executed.

I also really love that the adults do their best to make sure Will is as safe has possible. He's just a boy and while he does save them in the end, they do everything they can to protect him, even if it is an all hands on deck situation.

During the tracking, Halt taking every opportunity to teach Will and comfort him. The moment with the false alarm of not being able to see Gilan comes to mind. And Will just being so concerned for Halt's safety. Will and Gilan having some moments together. They're family your honor.

Halt and Gilan embracing when they first meet up on the way to the Gathering. Such a cute moment.

Actually Halt's training style in general was a highlight. It's a little bit of tough love but he makes sure to get through to Will what he's trying to teach and feels more patient then he wants to let on. It's really sweet.

The story of Wills bio father nearly made me cry. Oh my gosh such a tender moment on all sides. ow.

That's all I have to say on book one for now. Ive got plenty for book 2 though, and im like, 2/3 through book 3? ive got 11ish chapters to go. Im buying 4 and 5 tonight, they don't have 6 or 7 though. they can be easily obtained, but it's still sad. Might also get book 8 just to make sure i have it in case they sell the rest of the latter half of the series before i can get my grubby hands on it.

pt3 coming at some point!

[brandwhorestarscream]

You have no idea how much I needed VERY sick and pregnant Megatron in my life. Him begging not to throw up and just being miserable was something I didn't know I wanted but now I know. You've opened my eyes.

Little cogless miners are so small and adorable. They're so tiny 😭🥰

Orion Pax is such a smug little shit (affectionate) in the beginning of the movie. I love him so much.

I cannot wait to see the 4th chapter of TFone Megatron being pregnant ☺

Hey, I'm glad you liked it! Poor Dee's really going through it. 4th chapter is still being worked on, but here! Have some bonus content of poor sick D-16. This time, after hours:

::Digestive tank purge, initiated::

D-16 gags as he comes back online, startled out of recharge but body moving in its own, stumbling out of his slot and clamping one servo over his mouth. Something in his abdomen heaves and he feels hot bile hit the back of his throat. Tears blur his vision and he searches desperately for a waste bin, but it's too late: his upper body jerks and he stumbles to his knees over a drain on the floor, one palm planting shakily on the cold concrete before half-digested energon comes sloshing past his lips.

He moans, miserable, tears dripping solemnly down his cheeks. He gags again, violently, sobbing as it makes his whole upper body jerk. His midsection throbs, his esophageal tubing burns. He hunches over, vents whirring loudly, pressing his overly-hot forehelm to the cold ground.

"D-16?"

He whimpers pathetically and turns his face, squinting against the fluorescent backlight. "D... Doctor...? H'oh-!" He gags again and turns to purge, coughing out a sheet of clear, burning sludge.

"I'm here," Ratchet is kneeling at his side immediately, one servo on his back and the other coming to touch his forehelm, holding his head up. "Primus, kid. You're burning up." 4 degrees outside of what could be considered the normal parameters. Any hotter and he'd probably have to be shut away in a medsuite for emergency care.

Exhausted, D-16 slumps over, heavily leaning on the medic. His vents are shuddering, and his whole body is trembling with exhaustion. He sniffles again, tears still threading down his cheeks. "...it hurts," he admits in a tiny, rasping voice. His optics glaze over and he starts to sob into Ratchet's lap. "I feel... s-so bad...!"

The medic's spark aches, because there's really nothing he can do. Fever reducers and extra coolant haven't been working, antibiotics aren't working, he hasn't been able to rest and sleep it off the way he desperately needs to, and none of his tools are calibrated for identifying specific viral strains and whipping up the chemical compound of a cure. Not like the ones in the real hospitals. When it comes to illness, all he can do is guess and estimate and diagnose to the best of his ability, and treat them accordingly. But nothing's been working and D-16 just keeps getting sicker. The only silver lining is that he doesn't seem to be contagious, as no one else has come down with his mystery ailment.

Defeated, Ratchet rubs soothing circles on his back while Dee sobs into his lap. "I know, kid... I- I know. We- I'm sorry, we're still trying to figure it out." He and First Aid and Sugarcoat were up to their ears in half-finished repairs and a huge queue of mecha in need of their constant attention because of the new shift rules. There just wasn't time to figure out a treatment for one mech's fevers and stubbornly upset tanks. Dee makes a miserable snuffling sound and starts coughing, prompting Ratchet to drag him into a sitting position to decompress his aeration systems.

"...come on," he stands up and slides his hands under D-16's arms, pulling him to stand. The younger mech's legs are shaking, knees knocking together. His optics are unfocused, and he wobbles dangerously. "You gonna biff it?"

"D... Dunno."

"Alright. Hang tight, I'll getcha a chair."

The wheelchairs are antiquated, all of them rusty and dusty and old, but they're enough to support a miner's weight and get them where they need to go. Ratchet pushes him to one of the medsuites and effortlessly lifts him onto the berth, telling him to lie down.

"What're you...?"

"I'm doing inventory," shift doesn't start for another two megacycles, but the work needs to be done. "You're gonna sleep. Lying flat should help the nausea some." He'd have liked to also get him on an energon drip, as his constant purging surely had his gauges in the red, but energon was in short supply right now. Emergency transfusions only, and unless a mech was at risk of deactivating, it wasn't considered an emergency.

D-16 doesn't look convinced, cuz he's really not supposed to be in here. Ratchet tuts at him, says, "Doctor's orders." and throws a weighted sheet over him to seal the deal. To his relief, Dee falls back into recharge some ten kliks later, and is able to get a bit more uninterrupted rest. He feels awful when he has to shake the silver mech awake for the work cycle, but inciting the wrath of their overseers by being late would only make his fragile health worse. Thankfully, Dee is able to walk (more of a hobble, but at least he was upright), and Ratchet resolves to figure out something to help him.

[sophieinwonderland]

If you're so anti not triggering psychotics why did you double down when psychotics were telling you that your villian ass monologue was paranoia inducing. And then APOLOGIZE when somebody of your own community said it was triggering. It seems to me that you only care about pro endos.

I mean, I don't really care about anti-endos. I think if you choose to hate me just for existing and being who I am, and aren't open at all to change, you don't deserve my compassion.

That said... I didn't apologize because the person was pro-endo.

I apologized because it wasn't until that post I really got why the post was triggering to people with psychosis.

I made a post that was intended to be upsetting, yes. It was a declaration of intent of a longterm goal. Of a slow process that will result in plurals of all sorts being accepted, and the end result will be those who still cling to their hatred and bigotry will be cast out of their communities and they'll lose people they care about along the way.

I still stand by that.

I mean, I bounce back and forth between seeing this as a necessary evil when I'm clear-headed, and taking pleasure in it when I'm angry and vengeful like I was with that post. But the world I described in that post is now and always has been the goal.

To say anything less would be a lie.

I didn't consider that these long-term promises of societal change would get interpreted as if I'm literally going to go out and find people's families, along with other radical interpretations I've seen.

This is going to sound mean but... I guess... I'm sorry that my upsetting post was upsetting in this specific way I didn't intend to people with psychosis, as opposed to the way I did intend it to be upsetting. Triggering psychosis and delusions wasn't my intent and for that I'm sorry.

I don't have psychosis and I'm not always aware of how my words might be misinterpreted.

I still want anti-endos to actually see where the path they're on leads. Because studies into non-disordered plurality have been rapidly snowballing after not existing 15 years ago outside of possession research. We're seeing live, physical conferences about plurality popping up more and more. And it feels like only a matter of time before this starts to reach major media outlets and introduce plurality to a wider audience.

That world I promised, the one that scares them so much, is coming as we speak and anti-endos are on a ticking clock.

Anti-endos would see this if they stepped out of their bubble. But like conservatives, they like to hide in their alternative reality with their alternative facts, so they can't see the writing on the wall for them.

I'm the ghost of Christmas Future. (Metaphorically) I want to show them what awaits them if they don't change their ways. Because we've tried showing them who they've hurt and who they're hurting as we speak, and they largely haven't cared. So maybe they will care about this.

Anti-endos are losing ground each and every day. This future is coming whether they like it or not.

And I'll personally be doing my best to disseminate information and spread awareness to accelerate it. In that way, what I promised in that post was true.

[darkshrimpemotions]

Stede Bonnet Deep Dive

(aka repository for all the fucks I refuse to give to all the terrible takes on this hellsite after season 2)

I decided to do a deep dive into Stede's character finally, because I keep seeing the absolute WORST takes about him since season two aired.

I'll preface this by saying I don't agree with the majority of the negative or critical takes I've seen about season 2. I don't think the harsh readings of Stede's character are based in a good faith or often even in a sensible reading of the source material. And I don't have the time or inclination to spend all my time refuting bad Stede takes on tumblr, so this one meta in explanation and defense of my goofy little guy will have to suffice.

This is not a carefully crafted piece of creative writing. This is basic five paragraph essay shit, but with way more paragraphs. Claim, supports, transition, repeat to conclusion. Don't say I didn't warn you!

First off, no, Stede is not the villain of this story.

Yes, that's a take someone actually put into my notifications with their full chest. By no definition of the word is Stede positioned as a villain in this story, and he isn't even a compelling case for an accidental villain. This show has done a wonderful job of setting down clear and specific criteria for what makes a character villainous or not in a fictional world operating on a very different moral and ethical framework from our own. And while you could maybe argue Stede would be a pretty bad guy by real world standards, to be this is a moot point. By that measure every character in the show is a pretty bad guy. It's a nearly useless metric.

Within the show, villains are people with privilege and power who use that power to harm others and refuse to change for the better. Stede begins the story with an immense amount of privilege and power and gives all which is in his power to give up at the end of season 1. He gains a different kind of power in season 2 and by the end of season 2, he's relinquished that as well. He rarely uses his power to hurt people, and never does he intentionally seek to hurt innocent people for no reason. That isn't to say no innocent people GET hurt. But he's never trying to hurt people unless they've hurt or threatened the people he cares about. He in fact uses the power he has to stand up for the people he loves, repeatedly.

From the very beginning, he uses his wealth and power to create a space where he, and by extension everyone on his crew, has the space to be themselves. In 1x05 he uses his class privilege and knowledge to punish the partygoers who denigrated Ed simply for not being "one of them." In 1x08 he uses his power as captain to stand up for Buttons against Jack's callous cruelty and remove him from the ship after Karl is killed.

In 2x03 he uses his relative familiarity with Zheng Yi Sao (second only to Olu in terms of members of his crew who have any such familiarity) to plead mercy for Ed's crew. In 2x05 he uses his position as Captain to convince the crew to give Ed a second chance, while also hearing and working to address and mitigate their concerns as much as possible. In 2x06 he takes the responsibility for rescuing his own crew from Ned Low, negotiates a peaceful resolution with his crew, and punishes only Ned as the admitted and obvious orchestrator of the attack and torture of his crew. In 2x07, he doesn't start picking fights to show how big and bad he is. The only two people he shows any violence toward at all are someone walking toward him with the stated intention to kill him and someone poaching a third of his crew right before his eyes.

These aren't the wanton abuses of power characteristic of a villain. These are the understandable actions of someone who feels a lot of attachment and responsibility for the people around him.

No, Stede is not a cruel person who likes hurting people.

Jesus fucking Christ. Like I get that we all have our favorites, but I swear to god some of y'all think that means that you need to turn every other character into pure evil just to justify your character's existence. This isn't even remotely true.

Stede does NOT like hurting people. He hates hurting people, in fact, often even when they kind of deserve it. He really hates it when they obviously don't deserve it! Nothing he does in all of season one is motivated by a desire to harm other people. Yes, even piracy.

Stede enters the show with a very romanticized view of piracy. The violence isn't the point for him, the point is adventure and wanderlust, and possibly primarily, escape. Escape from the confines of a life he didn't ask for and has never wanted. Escape from a marriage he didn't choose and didn't want to be part of. Escape from the rigid strictures of a social structure that doesn't make room for people like him (whether we're talking about his queerness or his neurodivergence). The point is to create a space where he can be himself, and then extend that to others as well. If I wanted to get real sad, I'd say the point is the hope that by creating such a space, he will finally find people willing to tolerate him, or even be his friends.

He also doesn't leave Mary or his children to hurt them. He leaves them because Mary makes it clear they won't be going with him, and he knows he can't bear to stay. And he's riddled with guilt about it, it's not something he looks back on with pride or with glee.

And let's get real dark for a second and acknowledge: for a man in Stede's time and position, if he was actually a cruel person who enjoyed hurting people and he wanted to hurt his wife and children? There would be very little if anything to stop him from doing exactly that. If he wanted his children and his wife to live in fear of his cruelty, he could do that without consequences. But the one instance where he does something that does make Mary afraid--attacking Doug in 1x10--is something he does on instinct and immediately regrets, apologizes for, and feels awful about. He then goes a step further to continue making amends with both Doug and Mary for the rest of the episode.

And that's another thing: Stede's reaction to finding out he's hurt someone is to be upset by that, and then to try and rectify it immediately. When Lucius calls him out for not asking how he is, Stede immediately re-engages with him and starts looking after his well-being, encouraging him to talk about what's bothering him and not to shut out the people who love him. When Ed tells him how much Stede leaving without a word hurt him, Stede accepts that and tries to correct Ed's assumption that it's because he, Ed, wasn't enough or wasn't cared about. When Ed voices uncertainty and regrets about the pace of their relationship, Stede--though quite obviously hurt by what he thinks Ed is saying--immediately puts his focus on making Ed feel secure again, telling him this relationship can be whatever they want it to be.

Now, Stede gets a lot of flak for his reaction to Ed's fishing job news, but let's be real here: it IS incredibly random. It comes out of nowhere and genuinely makes not a lick of damn sense. And it's a wild thing to drop on someone you've been building a relationship with, a wild thing to have decided in a single afternoon before you've even talked to them about it. I'm not going to take Stede too harshly to task for not reacting perfectly seflessly there. It doesn't erase all the times when he DID react by immediately putting the other person's feelings in focus. And those aren't the actions of someone who enjoys hurting people and revels in cruelty to those around him.

Hell, Stede doesn't even revel in hurting people who've actually done something to warrant it, most of the time. Stede isn't excited or gloating about killing one of his childhood bullies in 1x01. He's horrified by what he's done. He wasn't even trying to kill him! He was going for the "stun move." He's so racked with guilt for it the entire season that he hallucinates the man berating him. He takes clear pleasure in manipulating the French partygoers and turning their own game against them, but he's still primarily motivated by making Ed feel better (and fine, that's his one time out of ten, I guess). He also takes no joy in Chauncy's death, in fact he's horrified and traumatized by it. The Badmintons are two people who tormented him throughout his childhood, but he shows an incredible amount of regret and guilt about both their deaths, especially considering Chauncy's really wasn't his fault in any possible way.

The final scene with Chauncy on its own would counter the idea that Stede likes hurting people! Stede is distraught by the thought that he hurts people, sobbing about it in fact. He doesn't leave Ed to hurt him! He leaves Ed because he thinks that is IS hurting him, and wants to stop.

Even Ned Low in 2x06 is not something Stede savors or revels in. Sure, he enjoys the fame it brings, later on. But he doesn't kill Ned in service of that, and he doesn't revel in killing Ned. He isn't smiling, gloating, or smug when he does it. He's deadly serious, and protective of the people he loves, in a pretty blatant mirror of his confrontation with Jack in 1x08. And even once it's done, he doesn't derive satisfaction from it. He's blatantly and obviously distraught by it, flashing back to one of his most traumatic childhood memories. It's the rest of the crew that cheer when he pushes Ned overboard. Stede is silent except for excusing himself to go to his quarters. When he pulls Ed into the room a few minutes later, there are tears in his eyes and his expression is well...agonized, frankly.

Stede's also quick to forgive even pretty serious transgressions against himself, like Ed plotting to burn his face off in 1x06 or Izzy selling him out to the navy in 1x09 (yes, there was a time gap there, but Stede began acting friendlier toward Izzy and showing concern for him basically as soon as he realized Ed wasn't actually dead). That's not the behavior of someone cruel who enjoys hurting people, either.

Yeah, Stede revels in piracy and doesn't have big compunctions about hurting people who threaten him or hurt the people he loves. I'd say the latter, at least, is true for a lot of people even in real life. And as for the former, well. If we're going to say Stede is cruel for enjoying being a pirate, I think we'd have to throw a lot of other characters into the cruel pile, too. Like almost all of them.

Stede is not lacking in care for the members of his crew.

I've already written an entire meta on this, so I'll just link that here and reiterate that if this were true, at minimum, Jim, Frenchie, Izzy, Fang, and Archie would all be dead.

So he's not a villain, or cruel on purpose, or careless.

So who is Stede Bonnet, actually?

Stede at his worst is somewhat thoughtless and oblivious. We see this throughout both seasons, but it's far more prominent in season one. Stede at his best is generous and gracious and forgiving and kind. Stede when provoked acts to protect himself and those he loves without hesitation or pulling any punches, as already referenced several times in this meta.

Stede is, textually, canonically, a gay man forced into marriage with someone he couldn't love who also couldn't love him. Stede is a survivor of a childhood filled with emotional abuse at the hands of his father and physical abuse at the hands of his peers. He does not know how to reach out to people, both because nobody ever reached out to him and because any attempts at all that he did make were met with the kind of shit we saw from Nigel, Chauncey, and his father.

But Stede wants, so very much and so obviously, to have people to be kind to and generous and loving with. Look at how eagerly and excitedly he opens up to Ed, when he sees Ed meeting him with interest instead of mockery or scorn in 1x04. Look how readily he shares his things with Ed and with the crew throughout season 1. In fact he voluntarily left an economic system where it was acceptable for him to hoard wealth for himself, and entered into a system where it was expected for him to share any and all spoils among his crewmates. He loves to share things with people! He loves to try new things with them and show them new things. He's so eager to have any kind of friend.

Stede also begins learning almost immediately how to reach out to people, once he has an environment where he feels secure doing it. And he loves doing it! He'll even do things he doesn't like to make someone else happy, like take Ed to a party he really, really wants to go to even though Stede knows it will be awful (1x05).

He is quick to take feedback and course correct when someone points out to him that he's been hurtful to them or wronged them, like with Lucius in 2x02. Arguably this would also apply to Izzy egging him on to do the fuckery in 1x06. Izzy appealed to his sense of obligation ("I stuck my neck out for you") and his affection for Ed ("he adores you") and it worked! It worked because Stede cares about other people, about their feelings and their needs and wants, and what they think of him. He cares so, so much.

He has flaws, too, of course. As stated, he can be thoughtless and oblivious. He's new to having friends, and new to love, and he makes a lot of mistakes. But he also corrects those mistakes, once he realizes them or they're pointed out to him. And it rarely takes much urging. If anything, Stede's more stubborn when he knows he's right in a situation, but even when he's technically right, he ultimately prioritize other people's feelings (as with the probably-not-actually-cursed suit in 2x05).

He's a goof. And he loves beautiful things. But he's not the entitled, lazy shit his father accuses him of being. He doesn't have a lot of physical or combat skills, but he can learn those skills simply by doing it enough. We see this in season one with how he gets better at getting on and off the ship over time. He's also great at putting a positive spin or an optimistic face on difficult things. We see this with how he treats the patrons who come into Jackie's in 2x01, and also with how he approaches challenges throughout the season. He's someone who, nine times out of ten, looks on the bright side and tries to problem solve, rather than despairing.

He's much more skilled when it comes to coming up with and executing plans, even on the fly...something we see throughout the show. First with getting into piracy in the first place. Then with his first defeat of Izzy in 1x03. Then there's the quickly thought up and delightfully executed revenge on the French partygoers in 1x05, the quite ridiculous but ultimately successful fuckery in 1x06. The fuckery to fake his death in 1x10!

This characterization carries over into season 2, with Stede's nearly successful execution of a robbery at Jackie's in 2x01. In fact that likely would have gone off without a hitch if it hadn't been for Ricky's nonsense, and ultimately did put Stede and his crew in a much better position than they were before regardless. Then in 2x03, he planned the escape of his and Ed's crews and it went off beautifully!

He came up with the plan to escape Ned Low and his crew in 2x06 literally second to second, improvising on the fly as the situation developed until he and his crew were safe again. He successfully got the drop on the two British soldiers in 2x08, he just couldn't actually fight two well-trained men on his own. And it was his plan, ultimately, that got his crew and ship out of an entirely besieged and surrounded Republic of Pirates.

(That plan did not go off without a hitch, to tragic results. But I don't think that overrides Stede's skills in this area. Many of his plans do not end perfectly, but they end remarkably well given the odds. And given the odds he was presented with, the numbers they were up against? One single casualty is wildly successful (even if I'm wailing and gnashing my teeth about it and will be unless and until David and Co. fix it in season 3).)

And finally--and this is the one single gripe I have with the season, that Stede and Ed both said this and seem to actually believe it--this man is not fucking whim-proned. Ed. Ed is fucking whim-proned. That's a pretty core element of his personality, actually. And it's not always a bad thing, and sometimes it's quite fun. But Stede? No. Stede isn't whim-proned. Stede is motivated. Stede is decisive. Stede is tunnel-visioned, perhaps. But he actually doesn't just change up his entire life on a whim. He makes a decision about what he wants, once he realizes he can actually do that, and then he fucking sticks to it like a mosquito in tree sap.

He decided he wanted to become a pirate, so he took the time, expense, and effort required to commission a ship, have it built, outfit it with supplies, and hire a crew. He realized he was in love with Ed and rowed a dinghy from Barbados to wherever the fuck (if you go with history it was Topsail Island, which is nearly three thousand fucking miles away), rejoined his crew, and set about working in a place he was miserable, trying to slowly save enough scraps of money to buy a ship to get back to his beloved. He wrote Ed letters, it's implied every day while they were at Jackie's. He had his goal, and he didn't stop working toward his goal until it was met and they were back together. And once they were back together, he didn't quit just because Ed didn't "melt back into his arms," and--*gesticulates wildly at all of season 2*.

Where Stede thinks he's whim-prone has less to do with caprice and more to do with trauma responses. Every single time we see him do something impulsive, it's as a response to something traumatic. Braining Nigel with the paperweight? Impulse in response to Nigel triggering memories of his childhood bullying. Running back home? Impulse in response to being dragged out of bed at gunpoint, having every single one of your deepest fears and insecurities thrown at you, and then watching the person throwing them basically prove them true by shooting himself in the face trying to kill you. Pulling Ed into his room? Impulse in response to the trauma of being invaded, tortured, watching Ed and all their friends be tortured, and thinking they were going to die (and yeah killing Ned too).

All of this to say...Stede has layers, y'all. He's got good and bad points. He's got strengths and many, many weaknesses. But he is in no way the one-dimensional mustache-twirling villain or bumbling total incompetent id-driven asshat people are trying to paint him as for whatever ridiculous reason.

[potat0bag]

hey hello! hope you’re having a good one. cccccooould I request some info about your shiver’s sister(s?) maybe? if you feel like it

hi! i'm not doing great so this'll be fun to do (/gen about both things! i'm thankful for this ask) sooo shiver has two sisters! they are each 4 years older than shiver, because they are twins!

i'm not gonna include images cause their designs are constantly changing and i'd rather focus this post around their characters for my own sanity.

Sela Hohojiro is a gossip on the surface and probably comes off as mean. She's very playful and requires a lot of attention due to having this kind of middle-child syndrome going on (even if she is tied for oldest child) due to Shiver being the one raised (and enthusiastically agreeing) to take on clan head duties when the time comes. Same (Shiver's mother) loves all her kids so much, yet Shiver is her youngest and has the most set future of all of them and needs her attention the most in her eyes since her position as clan head was kinda rushed upon her due to unfortunate circumstances. Sela can sort of understand on an objective level why she isn't as intensely nurtured by comparison. However, she is also emotionally aligned to a severe degree, so her own feelings of loneliness regularly cause her to be sassy and act out. She tends to spend a lot of time at their aunt's bar because of this, seeking out her childless older relative's attention instead.

On a cooler level, Sela is drawn to praisable arts much like Shiver. Specifically, she enjoys painting (and is the reason Shiver also picked up the interest) because it's something she can be praised and acknowledged for. The Hohojiro residence is full of paintings she's made. She mainly does landscape art since in her mind it's hard to mess up something that's concrete and dictatable on its objective quality of detail and logic. TL;DR "i can do this thing well and get noticed for it!!" As quiet of a passion it is, she also enjoys alternative music as it tends to have a fueling power behind it for her. She enjoys the electric energy of parties for this reason also. Always happy to meet new people and possibly earn more attention and a tighter support system. Somebody tell her she's doing fine, please.

Chi Hohojiro in comparison to her twin is far more like still waters. Because of how logic-based her reasoning is, she can often appear blunt and seem to lack empathy. When really, she's just tackling it from her own sense of logic and justice. If that person hurts you, why don't you just cut them out? That's- difficult to do? Because of the connection you've built? That's... huh. She didn't think of it like that. She's very clear cut. Which can hurt, but she'll also hold you blatantly accountable. She doesn't really like letting things go until a suitable compromise/payback has been reached. Shiver snuck her snacks? Okay. That's fine. They're buying her more. And that incident'll be tallied against them until they act on her terms. Because of her objective outlook, Chi doesn't face the same feeling of loneliness Sela does. The way Chi sees it, Shiver requires more attention due to their life path being set out for them and requiring guidance. It makes sense for them to need more. And she can see how Same treats them. They aren't being given less. She treats them with a million percent more than the bare minimum. Her love isn't being divided between them, rather being magnified in an educational aspect to Shiver, who she is required to be hands on with.

Chi has the capacity to play the straight man between her and Sela when it comes to teasing Shiver, being a flat one liner kinda gal. She also presses for Shiver to take care of themselves in a very "you quite literally need this objectively" way. If they can't afford to do something crucial one day? They have to do it the next. It's Chi's Law. (One they like to try and fight, but can never truly escape.). Same enjoys Chi's Law. Where do you think Chi got it, after all?

Hope this was articulated well, anon. This genuinely improved my mood. I'd be happy to answer more text-based asks like this (and asks about Sela and Chi <3), they're a lot easier for me to handle than drawing requests I think due to motivation coming and going. Thanks for reading!!

[zaynes-nieve]

Zayne Nieve's LADS opinions of the men

I wanna try something new, so first we're gonna get into how i feel about all of them, men, and they're pluses. But eventually, someone is gonna have to be pushed to last. it doesn't mean that they aren't great! Just means that they don't speak to me personally. Starting off first, I'm going to talk about Xavier

💜💫 Xavier 💜💫

Xavier fans, I get his appeal! Recently, I've been seeing more content for him outside of the game, and he is very soft, sleepy , who is also very possessive, lol. He is very cute, and he has cracked me up with some of the few 5-star memories I do have of him! Also learned recently, he is a hidden freak XD. He as so far been placed last on my LADS Men list, one because of my low content for him but two just because I liked the other men over him but he had managed to win me over so let's see where I'll place him after his birthday event is complete. Also, happy early birthday, Xavier 🎂 🥳

❤️🐦‍⬛Sylus ❤️🐦‍⬛

Sylus is the newest of the bunch, so it's understandable why there isn't much content, especially cause I'm not farming for him. I went out of my way to get all his original content, but after that, I hadn't tried to get any of his new content. But I've enjoyed what I have seen. He is a little to blase for me but I definitely enjoy the security in his money lol. Also No Defense Zone was a crazy watch XD. He reminds me of all of those rich male leads only softer. I am also highly curious about his lore especially because his myth story was in the modern day compared to the other leads

🧡🐡 Rafayel 🧡🐡

Rafayel is the one I have the most content for purely by chance. IDK how the pulls work for the limited if IT IS affected by affinity that is one very cool and two would explain why I typically now get Zayne cards first and Rafayel second. I have been exposed to most of his content besides Zayne, and as such, I know the most about him, his character, and his interactions with MC. He, at least to me, is very funny. I enjoy him being bratty and pouty, though I'm like 70% sure half of it is a front. Or it could he a Luo Binghesque character. I am slightly off put by the master aspect of their story, but overall, as long as it wasn't actual slavery , I also I have all of his free memories, so expect him to be placed decently well

💙❄️ Zayne 💙❄️

I saved him for last. It it wasn't clear by 1. My username, 2. My PFP, 3. My Master List of my dedication to collecting his cards. The fact I spent probably 60$ to attempt and pull for a second Zayne to own ONE of his color changes for once. I'm a Zayne main. This section, in particular, is completely biased. Being even more real, this ranking shouldn't even include him. Because my bias behind is making him first place regardless, this is a competition between the other three men. Zayne is originally a little stand offish, but he is just socially awkward. He is very sweet and loving, and he cares about all his patients (we are just his favorite lol) he has some of the funniest side characters, and he treats us very well. Our relationship also physically hurts me because FUCK ASTRA. MY GOD that bitch as his coming as soon as I find his location. He can't even tell us he loves us 😭. The moon allegories are crazy because apparently one. It's a way to express your love apparently in China? Don't quote me on that I saw it like three times, it's like a specific phrase but it also reminds me on one the story of Chang'e and her multiple myths with her husband and the immortality pill. I personally prefer the one where she doesn't rob her husband. Like Over the Moon did. But it hits me in the feels. So much. It isn't the only time the moon is used for something the long for either. I feel like most of us didn't feel like we got that we wanted from the Dawn Breaker card, or at least I personally would have like to be less confused about the Dawnbreaker/Our Zayne situation. Maybe hopefully, they will give Dawn Breaker a myth story. But I still enjoyed a lot of aspects of it, and it goes deeper into the connection between our Zayne and Dawnbreaker

But for now I wanna see a popularity poll so

If it is a background character I want to see names!

[ticklishraspberries]

As someone who can turn their ticklishness on-and-off, I totally relate to/understand that recent headcanon post you made! This community is so enthusiastic about characters who are extremely ticklish, the kind that giggle and squirm at the smallest touch, and it sucks when you really aren't like that. If I don't feel 100% comfortable, my body just turns off being ticklish, and it sucks! Sorry to vent, but all of this to say, do you have any characters you headcanon to be like this? Thanks! :)

anon, i completely agree with you!! this happens to me all the time and it's so frustrating, i have gone like months without being ticklish and as someone whose relationship is so full of tickling, it was genuinely a hard time for me. i'm sorry this happens to you as well, but know you aren't alone!! here are some characters that i think probably have the ability to "turn-off" being ticklish, whether they would see it as a blessing or not (also, if i've ever headcanoned these characters as super ticklish, shhh that never happened, there are two wolves inside me)

tw: mentions of canon-typical trauma for the specific characters, not detailed or graphic though!!

aaron hotchner, derek morgan, and emily prentiss (criminal minds) - i think that just...being trained to endure the physical and mental toll of their job, specifically these 3 members of the b.a.u. have the ability to just...shut things out, physically. i think each of their unique traumas and backstories can support the idea and i could be more detailed about this in the future if anyone cares, lol.

ash lynx (banana fish) - it's very clear in canon that ash is very familiar with the concept of just...completely dissociating from your body as a coping mechanism, and i think tickling is something that blends with other unwanted touch. i think that if he is around someone he feels safe and comfortable with (cough eiji cough) he would be capable of letting his guard down, but it's mostly just instinct.

astarion (baldur's gate 3) - this man has learned to use his body as a weapon, and having physical weaknesses just doesn't mesh well with that. no one really ever...tried, not in hundreds of years, but when people touch him, it feels numb, detached, rehearsed. just like how he canonically doesn't know how to accept hugs, i think he would be so surprised if someone tried to tickle him, he'd just go rigid.

finnick odair, katniss everdeen, johanna mason, peeta mellark (the hunger games) - i think you could make this argument for any survivor of the games, because...they are all so traumatized, i can't imagine that they experience physical sensation the same was as other people, after all of the pain and discomfort they've been put through, the injuries they've sustained. realistically, i think all of them would either be completely not ticklish, or their instinct when tickled would be to freak out.

inej ghafa and kaz brekker (six of crows) - this one hurts to admit and i will never stop writing about them both being ticklish, but...let's be real here. both of them are so traumatized when it comes to the specific concept of physical touch, kaz literally has a phobia of skin-to-skin contanct, if you tried to tickle him, i think he would probably throw up and then murder you. inej shuts down at unwanted touch, she "disappears" as i believe she calls it in the books (aka dissociates) and i think that it would take a lot of trust and healing for either of them to even realize they were ticklish let alone allow it to happen.

levi ackerman (attack on titan) - this man has literally suffered so many injuries, i have to imagine his nervous system is just completely shot. i will still write about him being super ticklish, because it's my party and i'll do what i want to, but like...let's be real. i can't imagine him even reacting to a minor injury, like he's bleeding profusely and everyone is like "omg captain are you ok!?!?!" and he didn't even notice he was hurt and just starts stitching it up. like, he doesn't feel things. it would take a loooot to get him to relax enough to react to tickling, i think, lol. probably liquor.

[try-set-me-on-fire]

AAAAAAHHHHHH okay I changed my mind the 'pretend they're not dating' idea please!!!

Hahahaha okay so I have like? Set pieces? That I plug into various aus sometimes? One of them is a specific burn injury of Eddie's (it's made an appearance in this soft prompt drabble which in itself is secretly part of proposal fic au). They're fighting a fire in a big building, the floor goes out from under him, he's knocked unconscious so can't move himself out of the flames and it takes a minute to get to him so he ends up with pretty severe burns on his arm and thigh, a little less bad on his side.

The concept for this fic is that he's laying in the burn unit really out of it and in excruciating pain and he begs for his mom and Buck, who is his emergency contact and power of attorney and who also has been his boyfriend for a while, is like fuck. Fuck. I have to call his parents. So Ramon and Helena, who Eddie is NOT out to and who have no idea how big a role Buck has in his and Christopher's life, come to town to help in his recovery. So Buck has to like sneak around his own life, like he's already living with Eddie at this point and his stuffs all over their house and Christopher treats him like a second parent because he is one and he sleeps in Eddie's bed and he has to find excuses for it all. I'm staying here because Eddie's hurt. I care for Christopher because me and Eddie are real good friends. Eddie can't move too well right now so I'm sleeping by him in case he needs help in the night, we all share a room in the bunks at work, ha ha.

So he's exhausted dealing with lying to Eddie's parents and also with Eddie's injuries and how much pain the love of his life is in (he usually changes the bandages but there will be a scene where Eddie asks Maddie to do it just to give Buck a break, which Buck later feels inadequate about) and of course he feels guilty that Eddie got hurt in the first place even if there's nothing he could have done, and like Eddie's parents aren't stupid it's pretty clear how much Buck loves their son and Helena confronts him about it and how she thinks he shouldn't be taking advantage of the situation to be close to Eddie like this and Buck doesn't know what to say because. Eddie never came out. He didn't tell his parents about them for a reason. So he doesn't even defend himself he just heads off to work and has a bit of a breakdown there. Meanwhile Helena is telling Eddie he shouldn't let his gay friend take so much liberty with him and Eddie damn near shouts the house down injuries or no, and is horrified that she might have said something like this to Buck, who he declares is his partner, who he loves so dearly, who he intends to marry some day.

And so Buck comes home to find Eddie's parents are at a hotel or Pepa's house or just somewhere not here for a little bit and they have some time to themselves and Eddie is getting better he's a little stronger now he's sitting on the couch and doing okay, they're going to be okay and he's sorry for whatever she said and he's sorry for what a mess this all is and Buck forgives him for all of it because it doesn't really matter as long as Eddie is alive and here with him.

But it does kind of matter, Eddie and Ramon have been really working on their relationship the last few years and Eddie is kind of shocked at how poorly Helena took this and he wants to like just talk to them. He'd love for them to be happy for him because this is the happiest he's ever been. He'd love for them to like Buck because he's here to stay for good. He was planning on telling them eventually and he expected better from them and he tells them that, and that they can still be a part of his life and he'd like that but they better be willing to accept all parts of his life. So they're still in town but they're at the house less and it's kind of weird and awkward and bad sometimes but Buck can stand up for himself a little more and Buck and Chris and Eddie can live their lives how they actually live them and Eddie's parents can see what a good life they've built here and eventually when they leave back to Texas it's not on the Best terms but it's not awful either. They'd like to come to the wedding, whenever that may be, if Buck and Eddie would have them there. Maybe they will. It's something they'll figure out together.

So yeah more emotional and physical meat grinder content from me your pal ahshshhs I just like drama! I like when people intentionally and unintentionally hurt each other! I like to stress poor Buck out!

[thecolorblockcurator]

I mean, I get where you're coming from, I really do. I have OCD as well, and it is/can be an incredibly debilitating condition. But I'm not asking you to change your mind about fursonas/furries, just pointing out that you publicly saying a fursona is an inherently sexual topic is a pretty cruel thing to do to an already maligned subculture. And pointing out that you're the one who brought up sexual discomfort. It would have been easy to not project your OCD-related discomfort onto the question and just say "I'm uncomfortable with the concept of fursonas, but my familiar would be-" Then you're not equating anything. You're not defending your misrepresentation of an entire subculture by saying you have OCD. You're not ostracizing any furries or anyone with fursonas who follows you or sees your public answer to a question. Not everyone's comfortable with fursonas and that's fine! But you were the one who conflated fursonas and sex in, again, a very public way, when you really didn't need to. And considering how over-sexualized the entire subculture is, this kind of behavior contributes to the ostracization of furries or people with fursonas. To be clear, I'm not a furry nor do I have a fursona, but that subculture is not bad, evil, or inherently sexual. Still, you were the one who answered an innocuous question by saying sex is a trigger. It's fine that that's your truth. I'm not saying that you can't have these feelings or that it's 'bad' that your OCD has this as a factor, but I am saying you didn't need to publicly express it and publicly conflate fursonas with sex. That's all. Anyway, this is the last you'll be hearing from me, but I hope you can take some time at your own pace to consider who you might be hurting with statements like that, I genuinely wish you well, and I'm sorry in advance for any potential inbox drama this will cause you. Take care.

Wow that's a big block of text

If you look back - all I said was I'm not going to answer that specific question because of a sexual ocd theme I have - but I did want to answer something similar. And I did like answering my own version of that question I liked the idea of thinking of what familiar I would have.

I think you're projecting and over analyzing.

But more importantly

When someone tells you that you're triggering their very distressing mental illness- you should respect their boundaries instead of sending them a wall of text explaining on why you aren't triggering them, or why something shouldn't be triggering to them, Or in this case why their trigger is wrong. You don't know what my compulsion could be. You don't know the amount of distress you could be putting on me.

Don't do this to someone again. Don't send someone a giant wall of text. Sit with the fact that you may have been misunderstood. Understand that the person you're sending this to knows themself and their triggers more than you know.

And know that I will post what I want on my own blog. I will publicly express myself authentically - and for me that looks like being open about the fact that I have various mental illnesses. Visibility is life saving.

[fincalinde]

Apologies to @thatswhatsushesaid, but your tags on my Yi City vs 3zun post raised an interesting parallel I hadn't considered and I ended up digging into it. Then things got out of control, so I'm making a separate post. I'm really sorry if this comes across as excessive (I didn't think it would get this long when I started it!). If you still stand by your tags of course that's fine, but here is my accidental absolute overkill explanation as to why I don't think it holds up.

I can see why the confrontation between XXC and XY could be compared to the stairs scene with NMJ and JGY, and I understand you're drawing a specific parallel between XXC not really taking on board the significance of XY's pain + NMJ not really taking on board the significance of JGY's struggles, rather than claiming the scenes are directly analogous. And that definitely makes sense on the face of it! But on picking at it, I don't think they're as similar as they might first appear.

My feeling is that comparing XXC not hearing what XY is saying to NMJ not hearing what JGY is saying does a disservice both to XXC and JGY. Even though your point relates to one specific aspect, I think it's still important to take into account both scenes as a whole: XXC has just found out that the enemy who massacred a clan, committed who knows what other crimes, massacred Baixue Temple and blinded his closest friend and partner has been sharing a house with him for years. Even before finding out that XY tricked him into killing helpless innocents and even used him to kill SL, that is absolutely horrifying behaviour.

Not only that, but XY has shown no remorse. He's gone on the offensive, mocking XXC and being cruel to him. Yes this is a defence mechanism as XY obviously doesn't want to lose the life he's been leading or XXC's familial/mentorly relationship, but I personally think it's completely understandable that XXC isn't fully attuned to the niceties of XY's emotional state. And even if he were, it changes nothing. Because, and to me this is key, XY feels no remorse.

XY isn't sorry he used XXC to kill innocents for fun and revenge. He isn't sorry he massacred people and experimented on them. In all his years with XXC, and despite the fact that he's learned to love XXC, he's learned absolutely nothing from XXC about the value of any lives (or body parts) that aren't his own. His only regret appears to be that he's been found out. For me, it's really telling that XY's arguments are all based on how justified he is, how XXC is stupid and naive and his own little finger is worth more than any number of lives. Yes a great deal of that is the swagger and bravado of a hurt child. But the text seems pretty clear that the lives of others really do have no value to him beyond the one person he's learnt to care about.

Of course XY was once a vulnerable and hungry child who was cruelly tricked and grievously injured. He could indeed have died. It was an awful thing that happened to him. Maybe not just anyone would have subsequently have grown up to see all other human lives as worthless, but still, his backstory is a huge part of who he's become as an adult. But I just don't think it's enough to say 'this terrible thing happened to me when I was a child and that's why I've done all these terrible things' if it's not coupled with further development to bring him into closer alignment with XXC's values.

I'm not saying I believe XXC would have forgiven XY and the tragedy would have been averted if XY were capable of genuinely caring about the innocents he killed and feeling remorse for his actions—I really do feel that XY had already gone too far by the time XXC rescued him for XXC to ever reconcile with him once he discovered his true identity. But in my opinion, this is the heart of the difference between their confrontation and the confrontation between NMJ and JGY.

For one thing, NMJ is the one in the wrong when he confronts JGY. NMJ isn't a betrayed man begging for explanations from a trusted companion who lied about his identity for years after having personally committed excessive and cruel revenge against him. NMJ is a powerful clan leader dragging his sworn brother outside so he can literally attempt to kill him for the appalling crime of being more answerable to his own father (as is dictated by the rules of their society) than NMJ. It is completely out of JGY's hands as to what happens to XY. He cannot overrule his father's decisions. And yes, I'm sure JGY does want XY alive for his usefulness—but even if NMJ kills him, that won't change anything. JGS can and will continue to shield XY and NMJ will have broken his oath. (Well, NMJ has already broken his oath in attempting to kill JGY at all.)

When JGY pleads his case with NMJ, he isn't making the argument that he or any part of him is more valuable than any number of lives. He's making the, in my opinion, extremely cogent point that while in theory all lives have value, that value is subjective. He points out that NMJ has taken lives because he deemed it morally correct to do so. Therefore NMJ believes he has the right to decide who is worthy of life and death. What makes NMJ more qualified than anyone else to decide who is deserving of life or death? NMJ makes his decisions based on a code of ethics, but is he completely sure that every single person he's ever killed deserved to die?

Meanwhile, JGY admits that of the people he's killed, some at least must have deserved to live. He makes no claim to pass moral judgement on every person he's killed. But he does make the utilitarian argument that he believes killing one innocent person to save one thousand people is a choice worth making. And yes, he's acting for his own survival and wellbeing in conjunction with the greater good—just as NMJ has ensured his own survival and wellbeing throughout the war. JGY doesn't make his decisions based solely on the moral character of other people (which he is not necessarily qualified to judge), but instead on whether sacrificing one to save many is the right decision.

When NMJ asks JGY if he thinks he's better than the people he's killed and JGY answers that of course he thinks he's different, I actually do think he is intending to confirm he thinks he's 'better'. But what he means is in line with what he's already explained: that the value of lives is subjective, and of course in his own estimation his own life is more valuable than the lives of those he's killed. The same is true of NMJ; he absolutely also believes his life is worth more than the lives of those he's killed, but he won't (or can't) conceptualise that his own subjective judgements don't necessarily carry objective weight. NMJ is certainly not going to examine the fact that (although in some contexts I'm sure he would sacrifice his own life) he does value his life over that of other people.

And NMJ misses the point. Not at all in the same ways as a tormented XXC, confronted by a man who has fooled him for years and is childishly furious with him for even caring about his many victims. NMJ refuses to listen to JGY's point because he has already prejudged him. All he hears is that JGY will sacrifice other people but not himself—but his failure to hear JGY isn't due to grief and the shock of betrayal. It's due to his own inflexible nature, the hypocritical stance that JGY has just highlighted but that NMJ will never reckon with. NMJ hasn't sacrificed himself either, but that hasn't crossed his mind—because ultimately, he believes he is better than JGY by virtue of his birth. This is why, after kicking him down the stairs, he doesn't rebut JGY's point. He just calls him the son of a prostitute.

Essentially, having dug into this to an absurd degree, I think that conflating XXC not hearing XY and NMJ not hearing JGY doesn't hang together for me because XY's position is that his subjective experience is an objective reality: he's genuinely confused as to why XXC doesn't see that 50 lives for one finger (sad backstory included) is completely fair, as lives hold no value to him. He thinks it's stupid that anyone else could value those lives either—it's no wonder XXC is failing to engage with the (genuinely sad!) backstory when this is what it's led to. Meanwhile, JGY is taking a position driven both by reason and emotion. He fully understands NMJ's position but he strongly disagrees and is able to make a coherent argument in response that draws on his own difficult experiences and highlights inconsistencies in NMJ's beliefs. He defends himself and makes an argument for moral relativity without also claiming that he's done nothing wrong.

In both scenes, XXC and NMJ aren't taking on board what they're hearing, but that alone is not enough to support the comparison. JGY makes legitimate points and uses his own circumstances and personal experiences to bolster those points, while XY shares his backstory but uses it as an excuse rather than in support of a valid argument. In my opinion, one is worth listening to, while the other really isn't—and that's why I think the comparison doesn't quite hold up.

[didsastrotarot]

🔮 PICK-A-CARD - WHAT DO YOU NEED TO KNOW RIGHT NOW? 🔮

Choose one of this cards or crystals intuitively and check the results below!

CARD 1 - WHITE QUARTZ CRYSTAL

Reading your energy, it feels like you're about to show your true colours. I don't mean this in a shady way, I just feel like you're about to face your toughest fears, even using them in your favour.

I would also advise you to take initiative, because luck is on your side. Don't hide what you want anymore, you don't have to! Instead, commit to it, and you'll be your most successful.

I also want you to remember that everything has consequences, either good or bad. If you've done some good deeds this year, they will come back to you in double.

Now it's a time you should be careful with miscommunications. Your intuition is at full speed, but people aren't the same as you. Some people lack the same understanding and knowledge you have about life and they will misunderstand you, if you don't make yourself clear of your intentions.

Basically, I see a lot of success and progress for you in the next few months. You have the power to change and manifest anything you want to!

CARD 2 - DALMATIAN JASPER

First thing I notice when reading your energy is that you need to protect it. You can be kind, but not be dumb. Be very careful of the people you allow in your energy and about the ones you do things for.

I see a lot of changes happening in your life. You're transitioning, shifting and evolving. Don't be scared of this change, because your true happiness is on the other side of this. Random note, be careful with scammers. If you're a reader, be extra careful. Also, miscommunications are about to be a theme. Make sure you explain yourself well if the situation is important. Mercury Retrograde is about to do a number on most people.

If you're worrying about a specific situation, just know that time will solve everything. Things are easier than you think. You're an over-thinker, I can definitely tell by this reading. You're also very restless. It's like you're never satisfied, and you're always looking for more. You need to be more patient.

You may be going through a phase of not wanting to deal with anybody. You need to socialise more, it will be beneficial for you.

Be positive. Everything will work itself out!

CARD 3 - BLUE-GRAIN STONE

I see that you're a natural leader. You're also someone who doesn't let anybody change them. You're very, very stubborn! My advice would be that you should listen more to what others have to say.

You have very good friends that only want what's best for you! I also feel like someone might be needing you right now. I sense a mother figure needing your support. If this is confirmed, make sure you help them, but without hurting yourself. It's important to be compassionate, but boundaries are even more important. If you need to, ask for help as well! I know it's hard for you, but friendship goes both ways. I also feel like something you're about to or planning to do is very controversial, or at least not expected coming from you. This may be you ending a relationship or years, or you starting a business that people feel it won't work, but I'm here to tell you to do it!

Enjoy time by yourself. Do your own thing. I also feel like there is something you need to give up on, and you got to have the strength to do it, because it's making you miserable. It's important you learn with your own mistakes, but don't be too stubborn for your own good.

A bond is about to be broken. This is meant to happen, and you should be positive about it! Better things are to come. Also, don't be too radical. Just because this situation didn't work, it doesn't mean it will be like that with everybody/everything. Learn to go with the flow!

[sunrisethoughts02]

Inbox justkenz for mental health help 💜

Hi there, lovely human! I'm so glad you dropped by today :) this is a really great question, and I will do my absolute best to answer it! Please keep in mind I am not a licensed professional, and I'm also still on my mental health journey. These are just things that helped me, and I hope they help you!

Know Yourself. This is huge. I knew so little about who I was before I started an intentional process of trying to discover who I am, what my triggers and traumas are, etc. This is also really important because it directs your attention to the positive aspects of your personality and self, not just the parts you might struggle with. It's also important to understand that what worked for others - and is held up as this 'glorified self-care system' - might not look exactly the same for you. For example: I struggle with multiple autoimmune conditions, and the 'aesthetic' meals I copied off tiktok and youtube were actually hurting me, not helping. they might work for the creator, but self-care isn't copy and paste. it's a continuous, evolving process of attending to your individual needs. while therapy is of course great for assisting in this process, it can be really expensive. thankfully, many incredible resources are totally free. I would recommend journaling, yoga, and mindfulness as a great place to start. you can literally just search 'journal prompts for self-knowledge' on google, and there's lots of free meditations/podcasts/yoga classes. actually, i need to do a post specifically focusing on this really soon!

It might feel worse before it gets better, and that's okay. self-care is one of the most beneficial things for mental wellbeing. it can be extensive as taking a vacation, but for me it started with basic hygiene. it's hard for me to admit how hard basic hygiene was, and in depressive episodes, still is. I hated self-care at first because I always felt worse afterwards, and what's the point in taking aromatherapy baths if you feel more stressed afterwards?? I didn't know that it was actually my past trauma rising to the surface and releasing through my body and nervous system - traumas built on self-trust issues and fear. if this is the case for you, it's perfectly okay!! the media usually presents self-care rituals as these luxurious, stress-free, elaborate rituals. if yours, as mine did, end by crying on the bathroom floor, that's just fine. it's your body releasing old energy and trauma, which is usually negatively impacting your mental health. don't give up!! it will get better, and your brain and body will feel so much lighter after working through it.

What you eat matters. A lot. sugary/processed foods have a vast negative impact on depression and anxiety. unfortunately, that is exactly what my sad/scared brain craves. it's important to build healthy food habits into everyday life. I saw a huge impact on my mental health when I started paying attention to my food. this is not counting calories (in fact, please don't do that.) this is not restricting the amount of food you eat. it's eating as much as you want of foods that restore your energy and help clear your brain. lots of healthy fats and good proteins :) I eat keto/carnivore due to intense dietary restrictions, but I would recommend looking into Whole30, paleo, and keto lifestyles to see if it would work for you.

Spirituality. this was huge for me in my personal life, but these practices aren't confined to one specific belief system (and can still be beneficial without one at all.) for me, this looked like prayer, time in the Scriptures, and meditation. but meditation and gratitude practices can exist without any specific belief system and are helpful regardless of what you believe. any form of daily gratitude practice - whatever that looks like for you - is incredibly beneficial to mental health. again, there's tons of amazing resources online.

I tried to go through my biggest thoughts, but this was such an amazing question I could talk for hours!! I'll definitely do some mini-series posts on breaking down these topics and listing some specific resources. I wish you an amazing future, and don't hesitate to share any more questions/thoughts/comments! <333333