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glassrowboat · 7 months ago

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I Grew Up. Jing Yuan.

Summary: Before Jing Yuan was the general of the Luofu, he was just another kid who would play with wooden swords and bugs; a menace who was always ready to prove himself as a Cloud Knight. And besides him? An apprentice from the Alchemy Commission who was always ready to annoy him in his endeavors.

Warnings: Mentions of war, gore, death, there is an NSFW part (when both characters are adults), so fingering, smut, oral

Word count: 11,300+

A loud, cheery voice called out “one, seventeen, five hundred and seventy two,” as a blade swung in the air. The rustle of clothes coming with each move, every practiced hit to a non-existent enemy having a random number sang out into the air to match it. No chirping bird nestled in the trees to be had as the source of the voice had long since scared them all away. “Nine hundred and ninety nine, fifty six!”

And with each shout Jing Yuan was repeating the number he was actually on in his head, trying not to let a certain annoyance distract him as she has done so many times before. (Y/n)’s antics just as familiar as the spot he found himself training in. Cracked stones with bits of moss growing between the once upon a time smooth concrete, a red tree providing shade from the blaring sun, and a bench only five feet away currently supporting a girl with her hands to her mouth, trying to echo out each word.

“Sixty nine! Two thousand one hundred and five!”

Her green dress was tell enough that this girl was from the alchemy commission, but they both already knew that, the details of swirling clouds so unlike the ones above the two providing shade. A shadow cast out over the courtyard helping keep the air just cool enough that a light breeze would have anyone considering fetching a sweater. Well, anyone not in the middle of a training session.

“You are being a nuisance.”

Per usual.

Bringing his sword back up to practice another swing Jing Yuan tried his best to ignore the taunting words just begging him to chase her around the small space, again. “Oh, big word for a little guy. Jingliu teach you that one recently?”

“What if she did? Master is-”

“Three hundred eighty six.”

“Master is-”

“Seventy nine.”

With a clamor Jing Yuan drops his sword in a way one could compare it to a knight getting his weapon knocked out of his hand in the heat of battle. A daunting enemy above him threatening to end his life with their own blade as he scurried to fetch it back in time before that looming presence, a terrifying face about to become the last thing his ten year old self sees. So like a prince charming in a fairy tale, his fingers would grasp the worn down hilt from the shape of his hand just in the knick of time, blocking the enemy’s strike. A triumphant hero. Except it was the complete opposite. The sword just fell to the ground from a slip of Jing Yuan’s fingers.

“Smooth moves, Yuan.”

“If you hadn't distracted me.”

“And what Cloud Knight is supposed to lose his weapon because a chicka said a few words?”

Jing Yuan had to stop himself from biting on the inside of his cheek or maybe even a scoff just so he could get out: “any knight should know that sometimes you will lose your weapon in combat and what really matters is what I do next.”

Like he could grab a hidden dagger! Or….”I could just take the blade of a defeated foe.”

“Like what? Those giant ones the mara use?” (Y/n) held a hand up above her head, waving it in the air to call extra attention to it, a habit from waiting to be called on in class after listening to someone drone on for hours at a time about the medicinal properties of lily of the valley or something of the like. “I've seen those before, and they're taller than both you and I, so good luck! You'd have to spin around in circles just to give the blade any force behind it.”

A small giggle fell from her lips as she pretended to swing a giant blade, mocking the same way she would see Jing Yuan use his own.

‘Just what in the world is she imagining?’

“Just admit it, evolution didn't choose you, short stuff. So you'll just be a knight in training even when you're five hundred years old.”

‘As if!’

Picking his blade back up Jing Yuan slid it away in its designated sheathe with a satisfying click, the glare from the metal no longer reflecting on the ground beneath him as the sun peaked out from behind the clouds. “I told you that I'm going to be taller than you one day. Besides, you're only four inches taller than me, that isn't a lot.”

“I feel like I can make a joke here but it might go over your head.”

“Nope! Nope!” Not wanting to hear it, Jing Yuan smacked his hands to his ears. Maybe it would be enough to block out her shrill voice even as (Y/n) got closer to try and pull them off and out of place. “Just because you had to earn about that stuff for your studies doesn't mean I want to hear it. Not again. Mom already gave me the talk and it was awful!”

“You're such a kid.”

“She was talking about things with things and wouldn't let me leave until I repeated it back to her.” Right after he had run to go try and wash his ears out by dunking his head in the water can outside his home in hopes of the water knocking the words loose.

“You're not helping your case here.”

“It doesn't matter! That stuff like kissing other people the way mom and dad do is so not on my agenda. That can be saved for your princess stories and other girly stuff.”

“Oh yeah?” A little grin curled at the corners of her lips, most likely due to having another retort right on the tip of her tongue. (Y/n) even got out the words “then why are you so huffy over this stuff” before being cut off with little to no mercy by a loud call of her name. A man’s voice shouting for the girl again and again, only drawing nearer with each passing second. “Shit! I-I mean shoot. Shoot.”

Dropping his hands he stood there watching the panic come to her face. Only slightly smug. “Sure you did.”

“You're not helping!”

Quickly her form ran over to the courtyard's many walls, green dress fluttering behind as those little legs scurried around in a panic. Her voice only picked up in speed as (Y/n) tried to get the situation out, and understood, as fast as possible. “Yuan, I have to go right now. I left without permission again.”

‘Of course she did. Probably to get out of those talks about being switched out to advanced classes.’

“Hoist me up!”

“And why should I? You've been doing nothing but trying to get under my skin this entire time.”

Again, another call of her name sounded. Haize’s voice becoming clearer and clearer. A man Jing Yuan had only come across in passing when trying to drag a certain nuisance into playing with him. Or, a better way to put it, (Y/n)’s master.

“You motherf- I'll owe you!” Her hands were scrambling at the bricks on the wall, trying to find just the right ones to use for purchase. As if that's how scaling a flat wall would work, like rock climbing. Sure. “Just help me up or for the Reignbow Arbiter sake!”

He couldn't help the chuckle he was trying, and failing, to fight back from escaping, not with how quickly she did a 180. From teasing the life out of him (per usual) to now looking like she would plead like her life is on the line. Though with master Haize it was hard to tell, he could very well deal out writing the same sentence a thousand times over worse. At least that's one of the lighter one's Jing Yuan has heard about.

‘One shall not leave the alchemy commission without permission’ with each ‘I’ dotted with one of her hastily drawn hearts.

“Why should I? I think this is simply karma.” Despite his words Jing Yuan was already coming over to help, eyes going up and down the wall to figure out the best way to go about it.

“You little- I'll owe you, okay?”

“I know you will.”

And just like those five years ago, when they were both kids running amok trying to help one of them escape from an unjust punishment, (Y/n)’s shoe fell between his interlocked hands to his shoulder as she managed to swing a leg over gray tiles of the walls roofing. Admittedly it was a bit of a blessing that at least this time she didn't have to step on his head to get that proper step up. Last time that left a good mark of dirt in what was otherwise Jing Yuan's pure white hair as she scrambled away with a wide eyes scanning over the courtyard like she was expecting her master to pop out of thin air and a quick “see ya!”

Now though? (Y/n) was looking down at him from up high, her hand held out to help him up to follow her.

“And why are we sneaking into one of the alchemy commissions gardens when you have full access to go here?” This entire thing didn't really make sense to him, but here he was playing along even as the scent of flowers hit Jing Yuan in a way that was comparable to a woman accidently spraying her perfume in your face.

“Because, esteemed Jing Yuan, you're not allowed back here. And we have to do something to celebrate you officially becoming a cloud knight.”

Grabbing her hand the very same ‘esteemed knight’ pulled himself up and along beside her with very little help besides a tug or two to his blue sleeves. The uniform he now gets the privilege to wear with a red ribbon Jing Yuan ties around his waist every morning with pride after years of work and swinging that same blade over and over again. He swears that if he took a moment to just sit there and close his eyes while this menace of a woman jumps down into the garden below that he could feel the grip in his palm.

That is until his eyes shoot open as he hears a grunt and sees her figure kneeling on the ground, one of her hands brushing dirt off her face. Failing at that too, but for now she doesn't need to know that.

“Smooth moves.”

“Shut it.”

Jumping down after her, in a proper landing, Jing Yuan helps her up as (Y/n) huffs.

“But my point still stands, cloud knight.” Knocking a hand against his chest she turned back to the garden before them. An array of colors. Each petal is like a brush stroke on a canvas. ��You got to your big goal, so we should celebrate.”

“Many of the other trainees after getting accepted were shooting the breeze with shaoxing glasses in their hands, and you choose a flower field you know like the back of your hand to take me to?”

“Fine, don't appreciate it. But I at least thought it would be nice. It's been a while since you've been allowed back here after you ruined a flower bed.”

“And last I recall you're the one that pushed me into said flower bed.”

“Anyway-” trying and failing to hide her laughter at what was most likely the memory of tripping Jing Yuan straight into a pile of dirt and seeds before her fellow classmates (Y/n) bent down so she could properly look at the blossoms before her. She probably knew every little detail about that flower, but Jing Yuan couldn't place it as anything more than just another pink one.

‘Anyway, she says.’

“Since when did it hurt to stop and smell the roses? Besides, if anyone catches us I'm just here….getting a few herbs I need to dry out for a project I have planned out. The number in my dorm has been dwindling.”

Moving besides her he sat down on the wooden walk set up to make sure no one would repeat his mistake so many years ago of mistaking where the path ended and patch started. At least that's the lie this one who thinks proper decor is bottles full of potions ultimately decided on before their scolding began. Jing Yaun’s boots making a hefty clunk as he settled down.

“And not even a drink to be had?”

“Yuan, wait until you're older. I shouldn't have to go over the repercussions of drinking before your prefrontal lobe has fully matured with you. I'll do it too.” Another huff. “It's very important for you not to touch a drop before your behavioral patterns-”

“Is this you talking or the lessons you've learned, prodigy?”

“Ha. Ha. Ha.”

Plucking one of the flower's petals off she held the fragile thing up, studying the veins as she held it up to the full moon. The only source of proper lighting to be had when neither of you could afford to turn on the ones for the garden without being caught. Who knows what trouble could be had for you two from this even with her supposed foolproof excuse for being here.

“Carnations. You've probably seen a few as decorations at those fancy tea houses, the ones we've seen those Foxian ladies favoring so much. These can be used for their anti-inflammatory properties if you're in short supply of the normal pain meds the commission makes. A poor substitution in my book, but it's best to always have something extra on hand just in case.”

Raising his hands up Jing Yuan brings them together a few times in a short round of applause. She always did look so intense when bent over work tables with mixtures of all sorts at her fingertips, eyebrows knit together just as they are now. “You really do sound like a proper healer when you go off about this. Shame I know you for mainly cussing when you stub your toe.”

“A lady is allowed to express herself!”

“‘Lady.’”

“‘Cloud knight.’”

“You can't use that on me anymore now that it's true.”

It takes a moment, her eyes on him in silence before finally relenting and muttering a short “touche” he almost missed.

Taking the petal from those hands lacking the calloused his have Jing Yuan pinched it softly, trying to view the one little piece of life the same way she seemed to. A well of endless possibilities that could be made into something more than just a woman's perfume. “Say, I think it's time I cash in one of the many favors you owe me.”

“And what favor do I owe you, big guy?”

“Ah, someone's still petty I grew taller than them.” Chuckling Jing Yuan looked up from the petal to a face that still had the slightest smear of dirt on its cheek, barely seen in this lowlight. “What happened to those precious three inches you had on me?”

“It was four.”

“Three inches.”

“Well, it's perfectly normal for a young man to be tall. If anything it's just a sign you were able to grow up strong and healthy despite all the times you slid your fried cabbage on my plate.”

Something she had let him do on multiple occasions as they shared a table at either the alchemy commission when everything was stuffed full of nutrients and seemingly without a sprinkle of sugar or at his family home as Jing Yuan’s mom always slipped them an extra dessert whenever (Y/n) was over.

“Well, uh…”

‘Okay, it seems we're getting off track here.’

“You owe me for helping you escape Haize when you were thirteen.”

“No, I gave you my desserts for a week in recompense. It's been paid off already, Yuan. Try again.”

Huh. Tilting his head at that his eyes rolled up to the star covered sky. The Luofu was on its night cycle meaning they could properly see the galaxy beyond the blue hue and clouds that would be overcast during the day time.

“It's pretty, isn't it?” A hand pushed his shoulder, not nearly enough to knock Jing Yuan down to the wooden path but it had him rocking in place for a moment. Tall but lanky as a certain healer had described him, right after saying he needs to eat more, then he'd properly fill out once he ages up and grows out of the awkward teenage phase. “Just say what you want. I'm fine with you owing me for once.”

“Of course you are.”

And of course he shoved her shoulder right back.

“Can you tell me what it's like to see a mara-struck up close? If I'm to meet one in combat I should know what I'm going into, and master Jingliu can only help so much.”

‘Master has only one perspective.’

“Good to know you're not so over confident that you're rushing into battle with your sword raised for a charge. I didn't know you had a brain in there.”

“Seriously? You- Just back to my question.” Jing Yuan snapped.

“Okay. Fine. Impatient much. The thing is with your question…It's simply not a fair comparison.” She took a moment, eyes going from between him to the flowers that surrounded them. Lavender, marigolds, chrysanthemums, and so so many more. A field. And if he asked Jing Yuan was sure (Y/n) could tell him the scientific names of each one without issue. “The one's I deal with are primed for dissection, not for a fight.”

A sigh.

“But, it's not pleasant. Master had me- let me try again. You know those gingko leaves that tree in the courtyard you used to always train in? How would they slowly turn from green to yellow only to fall off soon after?”

“I would always be tasked with cleaning them up. Part of my ‘due diligence’ and training in patience. I'm pretty sure though it was just master Jingliu not wanting to clean it up herself.”

“Well,” a small giggle came from her at that, “someone needed to do it. And if I caught you sweeping I'd always fetch a broom and spend the afternoon helping you catch up on chores.”

‘And she would always hold it over my head after.’

“I loved gingko leaves when we were younger, because they made me think of you and those moments where we were threatening to hit each other over the head with those old brooms that probably couldn't even handle a single strike. I would pick one out from the dustpan and keep it stored away in one of the many pots in my room. Like they were precious.”

“Is rambling included at this time to stop and smell the roses?” He couldn't help the little grin that came to him, lips quirked up at the edges with absolutely no effort to stop it.

“Don't interrupt me if you're the one who wants an answer. No lecturer wants a student that can't shut their fucking trap.”

“Okay, okay.” Raising his hands in surrender was automatic at this point after hearing just that pissed off voice alone. “Go on, teacher.”

“Thank you. For the Reignbow Arbiter’s sake. So,” (Y/n) clapped her hands together, calling attention to herself despite the fact Jing Yuan was already paying more than enough to her, “back to my point.”

“The thing is…After my first dissection, even with master Haize watching over the entire procedure, I couldn't look at the mara-struck all at once. I was supposed to dissect it like a frog, something I've done dozens of times before, but I couldn't even just take a step back to look at the thing properly. It was a task to be objective.”

‘Couldn't look at them? Was it someone she once knew?’

“When I finally did it was at the end of the process when the master said I could wash off, and there I stood by the sink with those stupid blue rubber gloves covered in the coagulated blood of a dead body and gingko leaves.”

“I couldn't think about them the same way anymore.” Her head dropped. Eyes downcast on the very hands that had cut and opened up what was essentially, or at least should be, a corpse. “The abominations are so different from us, Yuan.”

“I know.”

Even the thought of those creatures could ruin a night like this it seems, one full of their usual antics and trouble seeking habits. The mara-struck, an inevitable fate for all Xianzhou natives if death doesn't take them first.

“Maybe you were right, maybe a drink to go with this night of celebration would have been better. Then we could be cheering about something stupid and-”

His hand was raised, reaching out to her, only stopping midway when (Y/n) glanced up at him with a disapproving stare; most likely for interrupting her or getting caught off track despite all the times she's done so to him. “And you were just getting on my case about it earlier too. Frontal lobe..something or another.” And he wiped the dirt he had been letting stick to her without a word off. The grainy texture is a sharp contrast to her own smooth skin.

“You- how long has that been there without you telling me?”

“Since you fell off the wall.”

“I didn't fall, I jumped.”

“Are you sure about that, prodigy?”

She swatted his hand away, much like she was dealing with a pesky bug flying around near her ear.

“I hope you know that when you get hurt on the field, and you inevitably will because all you knights do at one point, they will bring you back to me. When that happens, I will make sure that whatever injury you acquired will somehow end in my fellow healers being convinced they need to chop one of your limbs off due to risk of infection. You will be at my mercy, Jing Yuan.”

‘Great, another threat.’

She's made hundreds of threats since the moment they met varying from some that had Jing Yuan stumbling over himself in shock to wondering if the best she could do was smack him over the head. Especially when he's still getting taller. Who knows, maybe one of those days she'll have to ask him to lean down for her just to be met with a solid hit to the head. The thought alone had him laughing.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Hey! What's so funny you two bit bitch?”

“You don't need to worry about it.”

Taking one of those pink carnations Jing Yuan plucked the stem from the ground, not bothering to mind the dirt when his fingers were already dusted with it. Fragile petals and a soft hue. It truly was just a flower in his eyes, but somehow it looked like more than that as he tucked it behind (Y/n)’s ear as she scolded him for picking something without permission.

It was two years later Jing Yuan found himself holding a bouquet of the very same flowers after toiling over the best way to do this for hours, but they seemed only fitting. The shop owner he bought them from was nice enough to wrap them in those sheets of paper used for…well, decoration? And a red ribbon much like the very one in his hair.

The only difference being from when he bought them ten minutes ago to now is how the long stems had been wrangled as he clutched them tight in his sweating hand.

And her, staring up at them.

“Happy Luofu alliance day to you too.”

“You're all the way out here instead of joining in on the festivities?”

Papers were scattered all around her like a blanket on the grass, some clearly torn out from their notebooks as pages were frayed at the ends and others were slightly yellowed from years of use and spills of what is most likely more than just coffee stains. Scribbled notes that had Jing Yuan careful not to step on one and leave a footprint behind (for fear of being scolded, again) as he caught glimpses of diagrams, highlighted margins, and sketches of organs as he walked closer to her.

“There will be countless more years to spend in the Dragonvista Rain Hall. For now, I want to spend my one free day organizing my notes.” As she spoke (Y/n) lifted up the notebook that had been on her lap in the air.

“Your ‘one free day’ being a holiday you're required to take off.”

‘Yet here she is working.’

Glancing up Jing Yuan’s eyes fell on the tree she was sitting under. Foliage far from dense enough to keep the occasional sun beam peaking through the leaves as they cast golden rays on her green dress; still wearing her alchemy commission uniform, even now.

“Did you not have to be dragged to classes once kicking and screaming?”

She would even cling onto his arm, shouting for the future cloud knight to protect the poor damsel in distress from the fearsome bad guy. That being Haize as he plucked her up from the ground and carried her out of the courtyard like a disgruntled cat. Jing Yuan’s ear would be ringing for the rest of the day, but it was always worth it seeing her so pissed off after purposefully being a frustrating little brat. Teasing him like no tomorrow.

“Times change, Yuan.” She said, her words full of laughter. “Though, I did see this poster earlier about some foxian theater troupe putting on a performance. Epic of the Old Verdant House, if I remember it right.”

“That explains why we can hear drum chanting all the way out here.”

A melodic beat full of energy that matched the chatter of the crowds down below. From here he could see the lanterns hanging off of every pillar they could and tops of tents full of wares with people being waved in to 'come and see what we're selling, benefactors.’

“Sure does….say, I'm surprised you have the day off. Shouldn't an esteemed cloud knight be going around patrolling the streets to help keep the peace? I thought you'd jump at the chance to try and show your dedication, yet here you are not even in uniform.”

Standing there in everyday wear without a single piece of armor Jing Yuan shifted his hanfu sleeve, the fabric stretching only to fall back as he let go. It wouldn't hinder him, but it certainly wasn't his usual garb.

“I switched out my shift with that kid you helped last week.” Though she had many patients. It wouldn't surprise him if (Y/n) had forgotten about the event entirely. Things do tend to start blurring together when it's the same day after day, or at least that's what she says. “The one who got all bruised up in training, Aiguo?”

She hummed at that, seemingly to take a moment to recall. “The blond? For a cloud knight he sure does bruise easily.”

“He does…” The flowers in his hand were only wrangled up further as this conversation continued. This was besides the point. “So, rewriting your old notes then instead of going to that performance? I might have to grab a rose so you're forced to stop and smell them.”

Her eyes flicked up to him and he had to grip onto those already wrangled stems even harder to keep himself from simply choking the words out in his haste. A few white knuckles were easy enough to stand in favor of making this right.

“It's a better use of my time then watching you try and catch a goldfish at one of those scooping games again. I'm pretty sure by the time you were out of credits to waste away the vendor and I had become dear friends.”

He couldn't help but raise a brow at that. The only reason he was trying so hard in the first place was because only a week before she was forced to get rid of her pet scorpion. Ingredients had been found in her dorm by a supervisor, and after an apparently long meeting, it was determined the thing had to go despite her begging to just let him stay in the alchemy commission.

“It was rigged.” He said, slightly shrugging as he did so.

“All carnival games are rigged. That's the point.”

‘True, but at least it got her laughing. Even if it was at my expense.’

“Or, and hear me out on this, Yuan. It could also be that you just suck.”

“Thank you, so much.”

“Oh you're so very welcome.” Picking some of the sheets of paper up she tucked them between the pages of her notebook. Brand new but it was already covered in dirty fingerprints. No doubt from her collecting samples to tie into the pages as he could already see some of her old notes with a dried out jimson weed (if he recalled the name correctly) pinned down with thin metal wire keeping it in place. “I just don't have the time to do this any other day.”

“So.” stepping in closer to her spot under the tree Jing Yuan kneeled before her, making sure they were eye to eye even if she wasn't paying him the same amount of attention he was her. “If I asked you to come down and watch me struggle to catch you another fish?”

“And do you have the credits to spend on something so lavish?”

“I can spare a few.”

“I…I'm busy. I want to get this done.”

“And I can get you some osmanthus jelly.” Lifting the bouquet up, Jing Yuan held it up to her, the end of the red ribbon softly swaying from the movement. “You preach to me the importance of taking a break but you can't take one yourself?”

“You know I hate when you use my words against-”

And her words were drowned out by the loud sound of an engine, of a starskiff racing on by as fast as it could go. A familiar sound that would normally have Jing Yuan nodding to himself at the sight, taking in the beauty of such skilled piloting, but right now it only had him spitting out hair from his mouth as it whipped right into his face. White filled his vision as papers flew before his very eyes. A specimen of belladonna seen for only a moment before it trailed off, caught in the strong breeze the ship kicked up.

“No! No, no, no!”

Like confetti the notes she had spent years on flew away. Not even her hands snatching to grab anything proved fruitful as she scrambled up to pluck anything from the blue sky. Her fingertips barely grazed a sheet completely covered in yellow marker over the written margins before it fell to the crowd below.

Multiple people down below dressed in their finest attire, the festival masks, and waving their fans to keep cool in the generated heat of the Luofu's system were caught looking up and around them as the notes fell all around them. Ranging from the rooftops to the streets as those years she spent were tread over with little to no care, like they were nothing more than posters advertising something or another, as (Y/n) whined at the sight.

“Fuck!”

As Jing Yuan pulled the last bits of hair from his mouth he could see her flipping off the direction the pilot flew off in, even as it was long gone.

“Fuck you you punk ass bitch! Come back here before I shove a catheter up your dick!”

“Interesting insult.”

Grabbing a sheet of parchment from the branches of the tree, only a few of them stuck in there, Jing Yuan held it out to her.

“I hate this fucking household.”

Sighing Jing Yuan looked back at the paper in his hand as she just pouted at the sight of it. There goes his chance to confess it seems. Another day then.

“Come on prodigy, I'll help you find everything we can. It doesn't matter if it means spending the entire Alliance day peaking into alleyways or climbing over crates.”

“Just another favor I'll owe you.” She grabbed the paper from him as she spoke, fingers going over that messy handwriting that was no doubt scrawled down in a rush to get everything in her mind to a proper record. “Years of work.”

“No, there's no….”

‘No need for a favor.’

“Actually.” The flowers were over by the tree now, forgotten in the midst of what just happened, but did he really need them right now? Sure, this wasn't how Jing Yuan had been wanting this to go down, but what did those hours before the mirror practicing what to say as his friend, a fellow Cloud Knight, mean in retrospect when she was pouting like this? “I'd like to cash in that favor now. I’m going to ask you something and I don't want you to immediately say no. Take your time to think about it.”

“Now that's a big ask.” She said, grip tightening a little bit more to the point the paper started to crinkle under her touch. Maybe she was worried it would grow wings and fly away on her too.

“I know.”

Grabbing her hand, careful to make sure his actions did not tear anything, Jing Yuan squeezed it softly. She had no calluses made from the efforts of swinging a blade, of wielding a weapon. No, they were soft from the amount of lotion she used from always applying some after washing her hands again and again once she was done making some new medication or concoction or another thing of the like. Somehow that made it all the easier to hold her just like this.

“The next Alliance festival, I want to go together not as friends, or two people trying to find your notes, but as eachothers date.”

“No.”

“Now that's not taking your time-”

“Ask me again later, when I'm in a better mood; and pick an event that will happen sooner than a once a year festival.”

‘Oh…. Oh!’

Squeezing her hand a bit tighter Jing Yuan asked: “will you go on a date with me sometime this month? We will have to figure something out between your busy schedule, prodigy.”

“I said, ask me later.”

“Technically it was ‘later,’ just by a few seconds.”

“This is the worst confession I have ever heard and I've seen people proposing on the medical beds when one of them is so drugged they can't even understand what is being said to them.”

After a moment she added in, “you still have to help me find my notes though, then I'll say yes. And I want a better confession too, like in those romance books. Give me a whole speech.”

“Are you seriously asking me to study those girly novels of yours?”

“Yes. Or no dice.”

“I- fine.”

‘To believe that years ago I'd cringe at the thought, but here I am agreeing to it just to satisfy this bossy woman.’

“You're always a headache.”

Later that day, after spending hours combing the city to find every last sheet they could manage, Jing Yuan tied the red ribbon around her pinky, admiring how it showed she was his as (Y/n) told him she'd find the time in her busy schedule to squeeze in one little outing.

And it was that very same hand he tied a ribbon to, that he grasped that day, the very same day he played in his head again and again with a smile that could never leave him at the memory, that is now threaded through Jing Yuan’s hair.

Tugging. Pulling. Unapologetically leaving knots he'd have to comb out later.

“Patience.”

“You've been saying that for the past ten minutes, Yuan.”

The way her voice came out slightly strained had his lips tugging up. Soft little pants he was drawing out of her from those pretty lips he yearned to kiss right now even as his own were sliding along her naked thigh. Tongue just barely lolling out to leave a small lick before retreating once again.

She'd call him a tease. Has been, actually. But Jing Yuan couldn't barely help himself when seeing her like this.

Blankets pushed off to the side and barely hanging off the edge of the bed that was cast in only the low glow of a lamp on a desk nearby. One covered in glass bottles full of things he's been warned not to touch, and he knew well enough to listen. It was enough to have his fingers gleaming as he pulled them away again.

Much to someone's dismay.

“Stop being mean to me. Please.”

Jing Yuan only hummed in response, not minding her begging much as his teeth just barely dug into her skin; the idea of leaving a mark was so, very, tempting. To know that under her skirts in the days to come would be proof of this moment in the dark.

Her thigh tensed in response, muscles flexing before falling back to a relaxed state as his lips ran over the imprints of her underwear he had been pulling and tugging at earlier left. A garment discarded as soon as his head dipped between her thighs, yet here she was urging him to give her more.

‘How greedy.’

But he is too as Jing Yuan’s cock strains against its confines. Fabric he'd usually consider loose, breathable, and easy to move in suddenly betraying him with every shift of his hips against this old mattress. Barely providing anything friction as he breathes in the scent of sex. Of slick. Of her need for him.

Just that alone had his hips bucking forward.

His gaze moved from the way she sucked his fingers in as they slid back inside her with a wet squelch up to those half lidded eyes that flicked between him and the ceiling.

“Yua-”

A chuckle fell from him as she chased after him, her breath hitching and eyes falling closed as his tongue slid between those lips he's never had a proper chance to taste before, and oh what he would do to let those legs wrap around his fluffy white head and eat a meal he's never had before for hours just to find what would make her unravel beneath him.

Would she call his name in those final moments with her toes curled the way they are now? Would she be clinging onto the sheets with a knuckle white grip? Would her chest heave as he watches those breasts still red from being tugged and teased at fall with every breath?

Yes, they were both greedy.

“I know you're doing that on purpose.” She finally managed to say between her whines and attempt to stifle them away under her free hand.

“Am I now?”

That accusatory glance had Jing Yuan curling his fingers over a soft spot that felt different from the rest, spongy even, as he tried his best to act innocent. Not very convincing when his words are muffled by her pussy, but it was a try nonetheless.

“F-fuck…”

“I can't help but think you liked that.”

It was a wonder she wasn't trying to kick him in some way, but maybe that's just because with every movement of his fingers her head was being thrown back into the white covers.

“Where do you…how do you even know where that is?”

“This?” Jing Yuan asked, fingers crooking even more by just the slightest amount to brush over that spot inside of her again.

(Y/n) didn't need to know the real answer to that, not when she wouldn't let him live it down if she ever found out. She'd get on him until his ears turned pink and she'd only make it worse by pinching them and saying something like “oh sweetie, you're looking sick. Maybe we should take your temperature, yeah?”

So no, he'd keep the fact that one of her fellow students in the alchemy commission went around to all the guys he knew were in a relationship during the mess hall. Lunch hour as silverware clattered against those metal food service plates while some young lad with a diagram of all things pointed out…well...where to touch a woman in exchange for a hundred credits in turn.

Money well spent in his opinion if it had her looking at him like that. Glazed over eyes enough to have Jing Yuan wanting to press a kiss to those soft lips. To let her know just how she tastes.

“Maybe I'm just a natural; a prodigy just like you.”

Wouldn't that be nice? To know just where to touch her to have his name cried out like a prayer. The Reignbow Arbiter an afterthought to his fingers, but he was willing to give her the rest of their lives together to figure this out. To have her melt in his embrace on all the nights they will have, just like this one where she sneaked him into her dorms.

The door didn't even creak on their way in.

He didn't even stop to do anything more than lock the door before Jing Yuan had pulled (Y/n) into his arms. Hands playing with the fabric of that green dress as it traced over the

gold accents on her chest all the way up to the clasp keeping it shut as their lips met in hurried kisses. One after another as she tugged him along through the bedroom to help keep those heavy boots of his from accidently kicking and knocking over anything of importance as they found their way between boxes of files to the bed.

Designs of swirling mist made Jing Yuan feel like he was on cloud nine as they slid up her thighs.

She rolled her eyes as he asked about her underwear, wanting to know if it was just for him. If she anticipated this happening and wanted to look her best for him.

The thought was a sweet one.

But right now that pair was tossed off somewhere long forgotten as his face was covered in her slick, and hands forcing her legs apart as she writhed beneath him.

How long could he take without breathing in some more air? The thought only came to Jing Yuan as his ears buzzed the same way they would after staying too long underwater. (Y/n) his lake he would willingly jump in even if it drowned him.

“Pr-prodigy my ass.”

A kiss to her trembling thigh, eyes locking with hers.

“Are you saying I'm not doing a good job?”

“Not at all.”

‘Sure. She's so snarky even like this.’

A whine, a plea for more met him as Jing Yuan pulled his fingers out. The curve of her plush ass he wanted to squeeze and grope at again covered in spittle and arousal just like his mouth.

Maybe if she was in a sane enough mind she'd be saying something like it's been twelve minutes now. That is if she ever got the chance as he kissed her again. Body hovering over hers, taking note of just how small she looked under him.

How easy it was to grab her wrist and pull her flush against him.

Cock brushed against her through those damnable layers of clothes Jing Yuan wore that had his head burying away in her neck to take in the scent of herbs that clung to every piece of clothing she had. Trying to bite back a groan as he did his best not to rock against her in a frenzy, but it was (Y/n) who ran a hand along his bare back and whispered in their small sanctuary of sheets and pillows “we can stop if you're nervous.”

And like an over eager fool he rushed out a no.

“No, I promise I'm fine.”

‘Worried I'll cum in under a minute, but fine.’

“Besides, you made me wait for a full year so I'm not going to pass on this now.”

“Patience,” She teased back. Hand brushing along his cheek that he couldn't help but to press a kiss to. “Besides, it seemed only right to wait until we were both adults.”

“Is this where you lord over the fact you're three years older than me again?”

Though she hasn't done that since he passed her in height, much to a certain someone's annoyance.

“Maybe.”

Tightening his grip on her waist Jing Yuan pulled her impossibly closer. Her warmth, her laugh, her hands tracing the muscles on his back she could surely name off the top of her head like it was nothing, it was all a reminder of how much he held her dear.

“Can we….”

“Start now?” That laugh again, the curl of her lips as she looked up at him through those long lashes she has cursed everytime they ‘betrayed her’ by letting something in her eyes.

“Yes.”

It was as Jing Yuan had tugged those pants down and out of the way that she grabbed his chin to lead him into a kiss. The taste of her still there, still lingering as her lips parted into a moan as for the first time it was his cock that filled her. That they were intertwined in a way that would make the Aeons themselves blush.

And it was in that moment as his hips moved to meet hers with a wet squelch that had him biting his lip not to moan too loudly and give away what they were doing to any of her neighbors in the dorms did the words I love you fill the air.

Her hands in Jing Yuan’s hair as she whispered them right back.

I love you.

That's what she said to him as the wind whipped around from an awaiting ship. Luggage in her hand as she looked back between the people on board who were walking back and forth from the dock to a place Jing Yuan couldn't see with wooden crates full of provisions. Old nails clearly being the only things keeping the boxes together as he watched the cloud knights assigned to this mission just like she was.

Blue armor much like his own, but he wasn't one of the few that were chosen for this. No, (Y/n) was. A healer is always needed.

“I shouldn't even be gone long. At most maybe a year. Maybe two.”

Far from long in the eyes of a Xianzhou native, that's for sure. The denizens of the Luofu had their lives tick by as the humans who came to the ship for trade and sightseeing grew old and suddenly stopped showing up. All due to a very obvious conclusion. But two years without her?

“Why wasn't it someone else assigned? There's always Aihan.”

“That girl? She still gets squirmish during autopsies.”

Meaning no can do.

The stomping of boots continued as men tread back and forth. Some of the knights even stopped to give Jing Yuan a respectful nod or even a wave before continuing on with their task. His brothers in arms despite the fact he wasn't going to be besides them on the field this time.

“Besides, it's only Yaguoret. This should all be wrapped up quickly. At least compared to the thirty year missions some people are assigned to.”

A shrug, like this, wasn't a big deal at all despite the fact they both have been on a battlefield now. They both knew what it was like.

“Look Yuan, I'll be back in two years at max and when I arrive in your awaiting arms,” her hand slid along the blue fabric of his uniform, playing with the material she had sewed back together for his time and time again, “you can keep me all to yourself for a week. Just you, I, cute dates or… other things.”

“Two weeks.”

“One and a half.”

“Two weeks, prodigy.”

The two stared at each other for a moment before she finally sighed, shoulders dropping for only a moment.

“Fine, two weeks. I'll be all yours.”

Grabbing her hand, Jing Yuan locks their pinkies together. Silly, childish really, but it always worked when they were younger. Though it was mainly her wrangling him into compliance.

“Promise me.”

“I-I…..promise.”

So why was he now sitting in her room staring up at Jingliu listening to his master say something he never thought would be uttered?

The file boxes had been taken away, the bottles that had once reflected his own golden eyes back to him as Jing Yuan asked about the contents now missing, even the terrarium for Ingredients (Y/n) never bothered to get rid of was gone like it never existed in the first place. The dorm room is bare, hollow of the personality it had accrued over years of use.

Photos of them ripped from the walls leaving dark squares from the sun aging the wallpaper that once framed those cherished memories.

“What do you mean she's been exiled?”

“I mean exactly what I say, Jing Yuan. Miss (Y/n) of the alchemy commission, student to cauldron master Haize, has been exiled from the Luofu.”

Jingliu's hand moved to rest on the empty desk, brushing over the dust that had accumulated during the past three months that no one had properly cleaned this room. It was always something he intended to do, to keep up with making sure this place was as spotless as he could make it so she wouldn't come back to dust bunnies and a fit of sneezes, but work had been suddenly thrown onto him like something was amiss. Something massive had obviously happened, but he knew better than to ask when every time those who talked about it would shut their mouths the second even a wisp of his hair was seen.

“The fact she wasn't sentenced to death is a surprise.”

Because of course no one would want to talk to him about his own partner being….

“This is a mistake!”

Getting up from bed that creaked under him from the sudden movement Jing Yuan stood before his master, eyebrows pinched together to keep himself from outwardly scowling at the woman he owes so much to after years of training with the sword.

“You know her just as well as I do! She never would have hurt anyone like this.”

“When I knew (Y/n) best was when she was a fledgling. A kid, just as you are now. Letting your emotions blind your view of the truth will do nothing to help you.”

“I've known her for fifteen years. There's no way the same woman I know who takes spiders outside after finding them would be capable of murdering a hundred knights.”

(Y/n) can't even hold a sword properly. She is a healer, a woman who makes mixtures and applies bandages. Who presses kisses to his wounds as Jing Yuan tries to brush them off like they're nothing to avoid the bitter sting of hydrogen peroxide she would mercilessly apply to him with a smile like nothing was wrong. A woman like that holds no contest to men trained for combat. Some of those men that were sent out even had hundreds of years under their belt.

“Even if she poisoned them?”

Jing Yuan hissed out a breath at that, jaw tensed just the same way it would when the antiseptic met his braised skin.

“She's…she may be capable but that doesn't mean-”

“After the soldiers died the effects started to show in the village people that lived on Yaguoret. Even cauldron master Haize said it was the same symptoms the corpses of the cloud knights seemed to have gone through.”

Jingliu pulled her hand back from the desk, a small coating of dust on her fingers she brushed off.

“Haize has done everything he can with what he has, but the people native to that planet keep dropping faster than he can try and make new remedies.”

The two stared at each other for a moment, like Jingliu was waiting for Jing Yuan to finish what she was trying to say himself, but he bit his tongue. Refused to use it. He wouldn't say the words aloud.

“Only your partner would know the best way to go about making a poison that her own master could not find an antidote, or whatever those alchemy commission bunch need, to stop this issue in time.”

“The elders have decided this will be written off as a plague. That will be what is documented as to keep Haize from having his position looked at with suspicion, but he will be on thin ice from here on.”

What Jingliu wasn't saying is: it's a wonder the man is keeping his job at all.

“This isn't possible.”

‘She wouldn't do anything to risk her…and the promise.’

As it felt like his chest was being clawed at by an invisible hand winding its way through his mouth, past Jing Yuan throat, and ripping his lungs apart to grasp at his heart Jingliu placed a letter in his lap. The envelope it was in clearly had been torn open, but it was his name on the white parchment with the ‘I’ dotted with a heart.

Somehow the sight of it made it even harder to breathe.

“She left this behind for you, clearly. When they were cleaning out her room trying to find evidence that was stumbled upon.”

That would explain why her room is so empty.

The words why is it open then we're right on the tip of his tongue, but they both already knew the answer to that.

“Do you know its contents?”

Jingliu nodded at that, not saying a word as her red eyes flicked down to the torn apart packaging of something that was supposed to be meant for only him.

“Does it mention…”

‘Does it mention why?’

“It's best you read it yourself if you want to know.”

It was the force of habit alone that had Jing Yuan nodding as he was given one last glance by his master before she left him alone. Most likely he can process this thing on his own, but just the sight of it, the idea of what's inside, made him feel sick. Hell, he was half tempted to burn it and throw the ashes of what's left out the window so he can watch them dance on the wind the same way those specimens of belladonna and jimson weed got carried away.

Swallowing down the taste of bile licking at his tongue, Jing Yuan folded up the envelope and tucked it away in his uniform.

That… can be saved for another day.

A day for centuries later.

A day for when he was stopped short as a bird flew down and nestled upon the crook between his shoulder and golden armor piece strapped down to Jing Yuan's arm. Little chirps filled his ears as he walked through the streets of the Luofu. Sing song, a perfect background to his afternoon stroll as the few people he passed by on this path he's memorized after years of use bowed their heads.

Surely, if it wasn't for the upkeep on the potholes or cracks in the sidewalk he would have worn the shape of his boots into the white concrete long ago.

Another chirp and Jing Yuan looked down at the red beaked creature with a lazy smile. These things were always so comfortable with him, to the point he's even gotten a few comments from Fu Xuan about being a Disney princess. Something he just nods along with without complaint.

It was amusing how much his acceptance seemed to annoy her.

“Now, now, if you're too loud you might make this old man lose even more of his heari….”

His hearing.

But there he was stopped short, one foot in the air waiting to follow along the path only he knows the exact details of even as people try to record the goings and happenings of the Dozing General. Frozen in space, in time, like it was ice that kept him stock still and not a single image that came onto one of those many blue screens depicting today's news.

The words wanted written right under the white and red pictures of Blade, Kafka, and a woman Jing Yuan never thought he'd see again.

That old ache blooming in his chest again like a flower in a patch of dirt just waiting to be watered as her eyes were revealed to him. Even in a drawing meant to capture her image they never changed.

Teasin, inquisitive, and seemingly filled with thoughts he never had the neverending years to dig into like he was planting his own garden.

Wanted Stellaron Hunters.

Turning on his heel the bird that was nestled against him flew off, its wings flapping away as it took flight, and he was left to stride out of Starskiff Haven with his boots thudding their way back to the Seat of Divine Foresight as Jing Yuan tried with all his restraint not to break out into a full out run.

“You're dismissed,” is all he said as he entered those old walls, loud and clear for everyone inside to hear.

Heads turned his way, some immediately moved to leave, and the blond rascal of a kid he was so fond of came up to him only to hold his tongue as he saw the look on Jing Yuan’s face. A “very well, general,” threw his way as Yanqing followed everyone else out.

Jing Yuan didn't even notice the glance back to him as the doors shut.

Now it was just him standing there on the giant board surrounded by blue holograms, banners hanging from the beams up above, scrolls stored away in their exact places, and the lion statues he himself commissioned to be built in this place.

All alone.

Just like he was with a letter he never wanted to read as his feet carried him to that desk he hovers over day after day. Fingers moving along the smooth bottom to press a button that forced a drawer open. Thin, barely able to contain anything at all. When he first got this piece and requested such an addition the odd looks didn't bother him much, not when the carpenter didn't need to know what it was for. As far as he cared the simple phrase ‘official documents’ would have held enough weight.

But it wasn't some folder filled with the Xianzhou Luofu's darkest secrets, well, not fully anyway. Rather, it was a torn open envelope and the messy scrawl of his name.

‘Jing Yuan’ staring back at him.

Even after all these years later and his memories fade in favor of a blanket of mist keeping all those years locked away, he knew well enough she didn't like to refer to him that way.

It was Yuan.

It was her Yuan.

The paper felt odd in his hands, despite the amount of times he's pulled it out and debated opening the thing before it fades away to dust, like it was brand new. A clean sheet of paper despite it no doubt having passed through multiple hands before something that was rightfully his possession fell into his grasp for the first time. Fingers teasing over the ripped envelope as he pushed it aside and pulled out a folded note.

It wouldn't be too late to back out now, just how he has done a hundred times before as he failed to bite the bullet even his old master was able to, but then the image of her flashed in his mind again. The wanted poster was an accurate portrait, but it still felt like a character compared to the memories that were like a migraine that never ceased to ache.

‘Evolution didn't choose you, short stuff.’

‘Since when did it hurt to stop and smell the roses?’

‘I don't care if I'm busy, I'll find the time to go on that date with you. I promise.’

‘I love you.’

‘I'll be back in two years.’

A whirlwind of moments together, of her words, that had him just barely creasing the note.

The thought that she promised to come back quickly buried away as he, for the first time, unfolded the note he's kept all these years without her by his side.

‘Dear Yuan,

I have drafted this letter over ten times now and I can't quite seem to get the beginning of this right, so I think it's best just to get into the thick of things. You agree, yes? I hope you do.

I'm sure the news of what has happened (or is about to happen, if you're looking from my point of view) has reached you now. Is this a shock beyond words or did a part of you know this was going to happen? We do tend to let our unconscious selves be quieted and hushed away by emotions. Such is the way of any sentient creature whose instincts do not drive them. But you cannot look me in the eyes and tell me this was not something you would fully deny being something I am capable of if you weren't driven right now by what I can only guess is…betrayal.

I didn't mean to be your first heartbreak, my Yuan. No, I never wanted that at all. I wanted things to stay just the way they were when you'd take that wooden sword of yours when Jingliu hadn't yet given you permission to wield a real one and chase me around with it because I teased you too much. Or maybe back when we would turn rocks over a day after it rained so we can try and find bugs together.

Oh Yuan, I could list countless moments I wish time had chosen to freeze us both in so this outcome never had to come to pass.

But it did.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not sorry for my actions.’

The words ‘I can't afford to be’ were crossed out.

‘Do you remember that night when we snuck into the gardens? I do. Very well at that. I hope you do too, just for different reasons. That night to me was being with you, of enjoying our time, until you brought up the mara-struck. Those creatures that plague us all at the end of our lives like a withering flower bound to end up as nothing more than a husk of itself as its body is preserved much like that one I keep with a red ribbon tied around it (the one you gave me when you tried to ask me out like a bumbling mess) pressed between pages as it's currently being used as a bookmark. The abominations, they have made me realize something you might not have yet.

Maybe those three years I have on you really do mean more than I would care to admit. Maybe in three years time when you are at the age I am now you'll realize this for yourself too. This war is never going to end. This war will taint what is beautiful in the world. We were blessed to have a loll in the time we were growing up, but that is only because of the sacrifices of many given for such peace.

But still, many died when our eyes were blinded by youth.

And when the battles did come you were a guard on some street in the Luofu as I was called out of my dorm to treat the few men who came back from their efforts in the middle of the night. Blearly, I was lacking sleep, but I did my job just as I always have. That is what I told myself when I had to dissect my first body at the age of fifteen. ‘Do your job, girly’ despite the fact I was surrounded by those older than me and even they cringed as Haize yanked some pubic hair from a corpse to store into a plastic bottle for proper collection.

It took a while for them to forget this thing before them, this hunk of meat, was dead and therefore couldn't feel pain. It took me a while too.

Back to the men…They would come in covered in blood, scratches that were left by creatures I never would have dreamed of existing before until they told me about them as I figured out all on my own how to detach a chewed up limb from a man without making it too painful.

They still passed out in the end.

One day you will know war, you will know what it's like to be on the battlefield for more than a skirmish, you will know the smell of the dead as all their bowels release and the smell of shit fills the air, just as I do now after having been called to be a medic in those poorly put up tents behind the fighting men.

Yet I don't want people to have to know about war. I don't want you to know about war despite you jumping at every chance to prove yourself as a Cloud Knight. I don't want those people of Yaguoret to know about war as we descended on their planet. But it is inevitable. They are a poor people who know little of what to do with the land they possess, and we are a civilization that sees their planet for the resources it has.

It was already discussed after the first talks with the people there after they turned away our offers of trade that they needed to be…wiped out.

Children, mothers, fathers who can't even put up a proper fight, let alone to a Cloud Knight.

So if you are wondering if I killed our men, the very people we talked with in the mess hall, or annoyed on the training grounds, or that I bandaged in the past, then I have to tell you I will.

They won't survive, of course they won't. What kind of prodigy would I be if I couldn't make a simple poison that would properly kill a man? Or a good hundred.

Sorry, I shouldn't be making jokes now. Force of habit.

There will be no war if the people trying to make a war are dead.

There is no way to enact change without sacrifices. That is how medicine is made. First someone must come to you with an issue, a sickness, and it is their loss of life that allows you to test the boundaries of this illness.

But that doesn't change the fact that I will soon become a murderer.

Somehow I am calm, at ease, yet the most scared I have ever been in my life.

But I have cast aside my alchemy commission uniform. Green never was my color.

I am no longer a healer. A murderer cannot claim that title.

So, as I said before, I won't apologize for my actions, but I'm sorry I had to face this world before you did, to come to my own conclusions. I can't help but wonder if I was younger, if I didn't have those three years on you, if we could find our own conclusions together. Ones that we could support side by side that wouldn't result in this.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is-’

And the last words, with a dried teardrop smearing the letters so they were barely legible as Jing Yuan had to narrow his eyes to read.

‘I am sorry I grew up without you.’

#jing yuan x reader #jing yuan #hoyoverse #hsr #hsr x reader #honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #fem reader #x reader #steamy #hsr x you #honkai star rail x you #honkai sr x you #smut #banner by cafekitsune

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nothing0fnothing · 3 months ago

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Most parents decide they're going to use their child's innate naivety and trusting nature to instill a sense of wonder. Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, mermaids are real, Disneyland. All that.

My parents used it to create an invisible panopticon that only existed in my mind so they could easily deny its existence if I reported it to anybody.

Basically, was told at a very young age, that there were tiny hidden cameras I couldn't see everywhere in my home, and in my clothes, and in my school. They gave my stepdad 24/7 round the clock acsess to view me whenever he wanted to. He said these cameras could not only record my face, voice and actions, but that they had special technology that could read and translate my very thoughts.

I was at the "mermaids and unicorns are real" age, so not only did all of this seem totally plausible, it terrified me. I was changing under the covers of my bed, worried he could see me on the toilet or in the shower, and worst of all I started monitoring and censoring my own thoughts, convinced he could hear every one of them.

My mum noticed I had started taking longer to get dressed and ready than I used to, and asked why I was wasting time trying to get dressed in bed. When I told her about the cameras she tried to convince me they weren't there, and even did a sweep of my room to prove it to me, but I didn't believe her. I thought my step dad had so much power he could even hide these mind reading micro cameras from other adults. She just kind of brushed it off, assuming this was some silly thing I'd be over in a week.

I wasn't.

He kept reminding me of them, so I continued to be scared of them.

The second time my mother heard of these invisible cameras were when another parent, concerned, told her about it.

See I'd been playing at her daughters house, and I was asking her to call my step dad to ask permission for every minor thing I did.

"Can you call my dad and ask if I'm allowed to play in the garden?" "Can you call my dad and ask if I'm allowed to watch TV?" "Can you call my dad and ask if I'm allowed ketchup on my chips?"

She would assure me she'd asked my mum and my mum said it was fine, but I was adamant it be my step father she call. Eventually, she asked me why I was so concerned about his permission to do these things I'd been doing fine every other time I'd been at her house.

"Because he's the one with the cameras."

I said it so naturally. Like every family had a parent who had the cameras and another who was under surveillance by them. I was worried that if I conveyed the frozen still fear I felt over these hidden cameras, it would seem that I had something to hide.

"There's no cameras in our house so you don't have to worry about it." She tried to convince me.

"Oh no, they're in my clothes" I said. "They're so tiny they could be in a zip or a button or on my shoe laces and nobody would know."

She was, understandably, freaked out by this.

I'm not sure if she beleived my step dad had just sent me bugged into her home like a pervert or something, but I think when I started talking about how it can hear my thoughts like a regular camera can record voices, she realised that this was something else.

My mum pretended that I'd made it up and was lying for attention, even though she knew I wasn't. She knew that her husband had been terrorising me with these fake omnipotent cameras for weeks to the point I was losing sleep and dreaming about them. It was just easier for her to paint me as some kind of freakishly and manipulative child. It was really messed up, this woman's daughter was my only friend, I'd be friendless and alone if she decided she didn't want her daughter learning this behaviour from me.

The last time it was brought up to her was by my aunt. I'd had a bonding day out with her that ended in me crying on her couch after dinner. I vented about the cameras and how much pressure they were putting on me. I said I felt scared to be out with anyone, because if my daddy was watching and he heard their thoughts and he didn't like them, he could stop them from ever seeing me again. I knew she didn't like him, and he didn't like her. All he needed was video proof that she thought bad things about him and he'd have the perfect excuse to cut her out of my life. I didn't want that, I loved my aunt dearly.

My mum tried to pull the same "oh she's just making it up for attention" bit, but my aunt knew my step dad, and she knew he was exactly crazy and twisted enough to torture me like that. She believed me over my mother, and after that I never heard about the cameras again.

Over the weeks I wasn't threatened with them, I slowly started to think about them less and less. And by the time I stopped thinking about them entirely, I'd stopped believing in tooth fairies and unicorns and high tech invisible cameras that could hear my thoughts.

I never forgot about them though.

#mental abuse #emotional abuse #emotionally immature parents #narcissistic abuse #raised by narcissists #vent post #toxic parents #complex trauma #parental abuse #childhood trauma #tw child abuse

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tls12lessthan3 · 2 months ago

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what i think each member of kimcom would post about if they were on tumblr:

kim dokja: incredibly obvious. he runs the single dedicated twsa fan blog in existence, which is interspersed with his commentary on other webnovels he's read and his ongoing feud with the sssss infinite regressor official tumblr

han sooyoung: has a media team which technically run the sssss infinite regressor official tumblr but logs into it occasionally to answer hate mail from that one guy. otherwise considers herself too cool for tumblr

yoo joonghyuk: wrong type of chronically online for tumblr but i could see him having a cooking blog or alternatively a blog thats an extension of his gaming career

yoo sangah: literature blog with analysis and aesthetic quotes she mostly reblogs from others, with some feminist theory that always seems to pop up right after a conversation with han myungoh

shin yoosoung: cute pictures of animals on her main with a dedicated demon king of salvation fan side blog

lee gilyoung: cool photos of bugs with terrifying bug facts on his man and what he proclaims is an even more dedicated demon king of salvation fan side blog

lee jihye: i feel like she would be really into the fandom side of tumblr, either with jdj shipping or with a wlw ship that reminds her of herself + na bori

lee hyunsung: no real theme, literally only reblogs other peoples stuff from blogs he thinks are cool (and of course everything from the other members of kimcom :) )

jung heewon: infinitely too cool for tumblr i fear

han myungoh: shitty porn blog that gets deleted and replaced with a mommy blog when he has his daughter

gong pildu: landlords rights activist blog

jang hayoung: yet another demon king of salvation fan blog. i also think she would treat her main as her diary and talk about every little thing. she has so many mutuals and is always doing ask games with them :)

#orv

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clownsuu · 1 year ago

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Before I posted the existence of Dusty, iv gotten a few asks asking for an obsessive Robbie smhhh- and I was gunna do em but I completely forgot whoops LMAO so here’s some doodles cause art block is REALLY bad today

cw obsessive/possessive behavior

Unlike Howdy whose obsessiveness would most likely stem from typical sickly love, Robbie’s wouldn’t necessarily always be about love, mostly more so companionship- having a friend. Like, he’s a REALLY lonely guy, and normally in his normal version, he doesn’t let it get to him. He’s a very positive person and enjoys and appreciates what little attention others gives him, no matter if it’s positive or negative, he’s just thankful to be there-

so a more obsessive version would c r a v e attention, seek validation and endlessly yearn for companionship. It doesn’t matter if he even likes the person, as long as they give him some sort of attention, a acknowledgement of his existence, he will cling on to it for dear life, REFUSING to let go even if it’s hurting the other (and possibly even himself). If it was love, it would still be as sever, just making more justifications in his little bug brain to not lose that person.

He wouldn’t really be the type to be like “If I can’t have you, nobody can”, he’s fine as long as he feels validated and included in whatever you are doin’. But when he’s ignored, he’s terrified. There’s something wrong- either he did it or someone else did, and he would try RELIGIOUSLY to find a way to fix the “problem” no matter how small it is. He’s terrified and severely paranoid of being alone and forgotten again.

#Welcome home #welcome home oc #robbie robs #a lonely liddol beetle

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dykeknightrises · 1 year ago

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FALLING

A/N: Sooo, I never actually wrote anything like this, but this one pretty much wrote itself randomly in my brain and I kinda liked it! So I appreciate any feedback I can get and I really hope you guys enjoy it :)

(Also english is not my first language. I did check it but something may not be quite right )

Next parts: Part 2 - PROMISES Part 3 - US

She smelled like the sun. Whether this is a real thing or not, Y/N didn’t care. Right now, buried under and completely surrounded by her, Y/N would vow on whatever entity really existed that Alexia smelled like the sun.

It wasn’t always the case. Before, Alexia smelled like comfort, maybe even a little bit like being under the covers, a mug of hot chocolate between her hands while the rain poured outside. Now everything changed. Now she smelled like summer, like the water wetting your feet right on the edge on the sand on a hot day spent on the beach.

The in-between of then and now, and even the before that, if Y/N was being honest, was a rollercoaster of joy, happiness, heartbreak, and sadness. Falling for Alexia was far too easy and almost a habit for her, she had been doing that for years now.

Y/N first fell in awe of Alexia when she watched her play her first u-17 Euros, back in 2010, when she was just fifteen. Even when the Young Lionesses didn’t go very far, Y/N managed to convince her parents that they absolutely had to stay for the whole tournament.

Alexia was still a wide-eyed teenager, shy to give interviews and speak up, but so confident and skilled in the pitch that Y/N could not helped but to feel in absolute awe. It wasn’t even a question that the midfielder would be a great player and it wasn’t even a question that Y/N would start to keep up with her career the best she could, she would even use the poor excuse that the shared their position when her friends bugged her too much about it.

Y/N first feel in admiration with Alexia when she played against her during the 2012 u-19 Euros. Despite being only fifteen, Y/N was called up when someone got injured and even made the line-up for the game against Spain.

Ninety brutal minutes later that resulted in England being eliminated, Alexia made sure to speak and praise every single one of her opponents. That was the first time they ever spoke. Y/N wasn’t even sure if Alexia remembered that, but the praise the older girl gave her and the sheer amount of respect she was given made her admire Alexia as a player on a whole new level.

The “See you in a Champions League game.” that the older girl said goodbye with echoed in her head for years, until the moment she signed with Arsenal as her first professional contract a couple of years later. Y/N really hoped to play against Alexia again.

Y/N first fell in respect with Alexia in Budapest, during the Champions League final in 2019. Despite the overwhelming loss from the start, she watched as Alexia gave her blood on the pitch. One of the most agonizing games Y/N had ever watched, being able to even taste the desperation while surrounded by thousands of culés ins the stands.

She watched the absolute heartbreak the team faced, the broken stares as they watched Lyon lift the Champions League cup again. She watched as the twenty-five years old fourth captain picked her teammates up, reassured them and listened to them. She watched the midfield swallow her own despair and angst to take care of her teammates, as a captain and leader would. Y/N could help but to respect the Catalonian as player, as person. Not everybody can do that.

Y/N first fell in fondness with Alexia when she was the first to make her feel at home in Barcelona. Leaving Arsenal and home behind was terrifying, even if Lucy and Keira were in Barcelona too. It’s a new city, a new culture, a new language, new teammates, and a new sense of self.

Arriving and settling in Barcelona was easy, but fitting in and becoming a part of the team was much harder. Spending so many countless evenings and night trying to learn the language that Y/N began to neglect herself a little bit seemed like a small price to pay to be in the team. It wasn’t until Alexia herself asked to speak to you, realizing that you were unconsciously closing yourself off until you were “ready” that you realized what you were doing. Upon seeing the realization in your eyes and knowing that her mission was complete, the older woman slipped a bar of your favourite chocolate over and left with a squeeze on your shoulder.

After that, it wasn’t long until you were a part of the very chaotic Barcelona family. By the time that the Winter Break arrived, the team had settled in a very nice post-practice routine. On Mondays, the guiris got together, helping each other fit with the country. Tuesdays and Wednesdays the whole team holed up at someone’s house, usually Irene’s, and just bonded, going from watching trashy movies to destroying each other on board games. When there were no games on the weekend, the Fridays were for going out on a very non-wild night, just to eat out and spend more time with each other.

Thursdays were sacred. You and Alexia got together, spending the whole time watching old matches, nitpicking plays and dissecting games from opponents or your favourite players. The night usually ending with you cooking, her cleaning and crashing at the bed after taking Nala for her night walk.

Y/N first fell in love with Alexia after the Winter Break, when Alexia was opening the gift, she brought from England. It was a grand thing, but the older woman’s eyes shone so brightly when the Christmas tree’s light sparked that Y/N was sure her heart skipped a beat.

Being in love with Alexia was easy. Between the team’s bonding and their own, all their weekdays were spent together, and Alexia usually dragged Y/N over for lunch with the rest of the Putellas family, where she fit right in. Her days were filled with Alexia’s presence and her nights were filled with dreams of her.

Y/N never entertained the thought of Alexia loving her back. Not she was an asshole or anything, but Alexia was different. Keeping her feelings to herself, not even telling her best friends came naturally, as she knew they would encourage her to try something, but that is just because they didn’t see Alexia like she did.

Friendships with Spaniards were very confusing at first. They were very touchy and very feely and, at first, it made Y/N a bit uneasy to be able the differ when they were hitting on each other and when they were just being friends. She finally settled in taking everything as a friendship moment if she wasn’t told otherwise and left at that.

On a Thursday, instead of watching a game like their usual, Alexia wanted to go dancing. They got ready at arrived at the Sala Apollo when it was already packed, heading to the bar, and having a couple of drinks before the older woman dragged them both to the dance floor. The closeness and intimacy of dancing with each other came easily for them. Letting the heavy bass of reggaeton guide their moves and being pressed together was almost as natural as cuddling on the couch after a movie.

It wasn’t until Alexia’s hands began to wonder that Y/N though better about the whole night. When the older woman’s lips found a spot on her neck and her hands found their place on her hips after squeezing her ass, Y/N was gone. Turning around and kissing Alexia, they were locked in a much wilder dance at that point. Not staying too long after that was natural, as it was sharing a bed of a whole different manner.

Y/N first fell in heartbreak with Alexia when she called their night a mistake. Waking up the next day, surrounded of filled with the midfielder, Y/N smiled and lost herself on the skin of Alexia’s back being hit by sun. Having coffee turned sour on her mouth after Alexia’s words and feeling has heart break on her chest was hard enough, but she could let the older woman know the damage her words had done, she loved her too much for that.

Leaving Alexia’s house that day was one of the easiest and hardest things Y/N had ever done. It was easy because she desperately needed to leave, she needed to let the tears stream down her cheeks away from the other woman’s praying gaze. It was hard because it closed the door on any possibility of the words being a mistake themselves. After promising Alexia, and lying through her teeth, that everything was okay, Y/N left.

People say grieve has five stages. Y/N was no expert, but she was pretty sure that whoever was supposed to go through them was the person grieving, so she didn’t quite understand Alexia’s sudden avoidance. The captain found new teammates to do all the training exercises together, spoke to her only when necessary and cancelled all Their Thursdays for the past few weeks.

A part of her told herself that maybe Alexia felt guilty, maybe she wanted to take the word Mistake back. That part was very strong, it was pulsating, it gave her hope. That part told her to not give up and just give her part.

Y/N arrived just in time on the locker room to overhear Alexia answering a question about a date. Her latest one. On a Thursday. She couldn’t pay a lot of attention to the midfielder answer without had eyes tearing up, so she tried to block the conversation as much as she could, and it was going pretty damn well until she lied to her teeth once again when someone asked if she didn’t mind that the dates where always on a Thursday.

The called up to represent the Lionesses came as a blessing, giving her a break from the club. It was much easier to be her usual self, joke around with her teammates and going on a full-blown prank war against Georgia when she could pretend Alexia didn’t exist. It was also much easing swallowing down her hopes and downloading Tinder when she was sure Alexia would not pop-up on her screen.

Swiping left on all the women that the app showed her was unconscious. Y/N didn’t even realize she was doing that until Leah caught her with the app opened and started to swipe with her. When the captain asked for the billionth time what was wrong with the last woman, the only answer she had to give was that none of them were her. That prompted her to tell her best friend everything. After convincing Leah to not do something stupid, the captain just told you not to worry and that she would find you the perfect date.

With the time with the national team up, Y/N flew back to Barcelona, smiling as the she sees the city lighting up against the night sky. She barely has time to settle back before Leah texts her that she found her a great date and saying that they will both fly out for the Champions League match in a couple of weeks.

Between trying to find out more information on Leah’s mysterious friend and the sting that came whenever Alexia promptly ignored her, Y/N days passed slowly. It’s easy to distract herself on the days that are occupied by the team, but Thursdays were the worst. The hurt that came the being subbed out of Alexia’s life was just more prominent on these days and Y/N didn’t quite know what to do about it.

The Champions League finally came and with it, Leah and her friend being in town. The date was going to happen the day before the match and Y/N wasn’t sure whether the anxious feeling she had were for the match or for the date.

Getting ready was almost automatic. A nice short black dress paired up with a light makeup as they would go to dinner at a nice restaurant that Y/N absolutely loved. Waiting for the time to go out, she turned the TV on started watching and old match, absently minded remembering that it was a Thursday. Not that any of that mattered anymore.

The doorbell rang just as Ronaldinho scored a goal, making her tear her eyes away from the game. Y/N walk to the door in confusion, not expecting anyone today. The team was doing their own Thursday thing and Leah was out with Lucy and Keira, leaving literally no one to be at her doorstep at almost eight.

Hazel eyes greeted her upon opening the door. Alexia stood in front of her, in her comfiest hoodie and sweatpants, the beanie tucked in her head, cheeks rosy from the wind. Her gaze, holding hope and a thousand secrets, wandered through you figure, before settling back in your own eyes.

“I was hoping we could have our usual Thursday? I have a lot that I need to say to you.”

#woso imagine #woso imagines #woso x reader #alexia putellas imagine #alexia putellas x reader

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cait-with-luv · 2 years ago

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ʜᴇᴀʟ ᴍᴇ, ᴋɪꜱꜱ ᴍᴇ.

❝All you wanted was to help your best friend get over his ex girlfriend. How did you manage to end up confessing your feelings?❞

Header Credit: Me

・❥ Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

・❥ Genre: Best Friends To Lovers; Fluff; Humour; Smut; Angst (if you squint)

・❥ Rating: 18+ (Minors DNI), NOT SAFE FOR RAMADAN

・❥ Word Count: 7.5K

・❥ Warnings: Swearing, alcohol consumption/intoxication, little fight between his ex and Y/N, Jungkook can be a bit senseless but can't we all?, sexual tension, heavy makeout, explicit consensual sex, dirty talk, pet names, oral (Female and Male receiving), dom!JK, sub!Reader, hair pulling, unprotected sex, mentions of birth control, spanking, praise kink, rough sex, marking (hickeys, biting)

Jungkook didn't know how he ended up here. He just remembers exiting his shared apartment in a fit of rage, anxiety, and hurt, wandering the streets of Seoul blindly, his mind racing with thoughts that he wanted to be rid of. So how he managed to end up at his best friend's apartment complex without realizing was baffling to him. It was almost like his heart knew who he needed right now. The one person who will sit and listen to him without interrupting or pretending to listen. The one person who would make him laugh when he needed to be cheered up. The person who undoubtedly cared for him no matter what bullshit they go through together or wouldn’t get annoyed at the dumb shit he says. That person was his best friend, the girl he grew up with. You.

He absolutely knew you'd tear him a new one for showing up at three in the morning without warning. You liked your sleep. No, loved your sleep, he always teases you about how you love it more than your own best friend. And now, he was about to disturb it. You were a force to be reckoned with when your beauty sleep is broken. The only time Jungkook will admit he's terrified of you.

He lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding before raising his hand and knocking on your door a few times knowing it would take a few more to awaken you. He almost grimaces, almost, as he hears you stomping and your muffled yells of insults for the intrusion on your sleep.

Incoming in 3, 2, 1-

“I swear to god whoever woke me at three in the morning, you are getting castrate- woah, you look like shit dude.”

“Well hello to you too, Bug,” Jungkook says sarcastically, stuffing his hands in his pockets, shaking his head to fix his bangs, and staring at you with tears in his eyes as he finally lets them out now that he was standing in front of his safe person. But somehow you always managed to make him laugh. You had never been good with people crying, it always amused him and right now it did too, watching the reaction you always seem to have. Sheer panic and awkwardness.

“Shi-no! Don’t you dare cry on me, dude! I can do anything but tears Jeon! In! Get in now! Sit and wipe them tears with a tissue, or a blanket I don’t care just get rid of them! I’ll get the wine!” You ramble in panic, grabbing his arm and practically yanking the poor heartbroken boy into your apartment, shutting the door before rushing to your kitchen to get said items. It was clear he could use a glass. Or five.

Jungkook sniffles and plops down onto your couch, swiping his tears with his shirt and letting out a little laugh as you shuffle into the living room with your arms filled with snacks and a wine bottle and glasses in your hand which he takes an effort to prevent you from smashing them, watching as you sit next to him and release all the snacks into both your laps.

“I will never understand how you are able to carry so much. I would have dropped it all before I even left the kitchen.” Jungkook mumbles, tilting his head as you scoff opening the wine and flicking the lid off, grabbing his glass.

“That’s because I’m a woman and over the many years of our existence we have evolved to have velociraptor hands to carry multiple things at once, now take your pick on snacks and tell me what’s caused you to show up at my door at this time of the night? What’s wrong, Honey Bun?” You pout as you hand him the drink and ruffle his hair playfully earning a whine and a glare from him.

“I told you to stop doing that.” He grumbles before plucking a bag of chips from your lap and opening them and sighing. He really didn’t know where to begin. Does he just rip the bandaid off or not? Eventually, he decided that yes, he just need to rip the bandaid off. He needed to come to terms with it too.

“Hyun-Ae and I broke up.” He says dejectedly, munching on his chips, raising an eyebrow as you choke on your wine and look at him in disbelief, putting the glass down on the coffee table and turning your body to look at him fully.

“What?! Why? You two were literally on a date earlier!” You say in shock. You were confused, Jungkook had face timed you that morning talking about the date he planned for her. He had seemed so proud of himself and the big smile on his face talking about it had made your heart flutter. His smile always did but he didn’t have to know that.

“I know. It went so great too Y/N, we were happy but by the end of it, her mood had changed. I thought I did something wrong, she ignored me for the rest of the day until before when I got fed up and wanted to know what was wrong if I had messed up and she just blew up at me. She thought I was proposing and got mad that I didn’t. So you know I told her just because I didn’t propose doesn’t mean that I didn’t want to at all. I mean, Bug we hadn’t been together for a year yet.” He remarks and snags his wine off the table and takes a big gulp of it.

You blink at him, in complete disbelief at what you were hearing. You didn’t know what to say but he wasn’t finished yet, there was more to this so you allowed him to carry on. To vent and get everything he needed off his chest. So you sat. You listened, nodding your head and humming in acknowledgment so he knew you were paying attention to every single word he uttered, taking his hand in yours when he holds his out wanting some comfort from you. By the time he had finished, you were annoyed at her, angry. And Jungkook? Well, he was now three bottles in and hiccuping, swaying slightly in his place. He was definitely gonna have a hangover tomorrow.

“So…basically, she got mad that you didn’t propose to her when you’ve only been together for what? Ten months? You told her one day in the future you would just not right now and she got even angrier and gaslit you saying that you didn’t love her and that she wasn’t good enough for you and asking if you were cheating on her? Then tried to get you to get on one knee right then and there to propose to show you loved her or it was over?” You sum up, carefully taking the glass out of his hand that he was beginning to lose grip on. That was enough alcohol for one night.

“Y-Yup! I-I told her I just wasn’t ready for that commitment y-you know? It didn’t mean I was n-never going to. I-It’s a big step in a r-relationship.” He hiccups, throwing himself back on the couch and pouting, running a hand through his hair.

“Yeah, I know that, Honey Bun. I know. It’s gonna be okay alright? There’s plenty of fish in the sea dude.” You sigh patting his leg that he had sprawled over your lap, raising an eyebrow as he lifts his head up and frowns.

“F-Fish? B-But I’m a human dumbass. I c-can’t date a fish. That’s fucked up.” He slurs, poking you. You slap his hand away and roll your eyes at him. He really did concern you sometimes. Drunk Jungkook was another level of senseless.

"Sometimes I wish I could IV some sense into your bloodstream. Seriously, you are so dense. It’s a figure of speech, not literal Jungkook." You grumble, pushing his head to lay back again, chuckling at the sound of realization he makes.

“Ahhh, I get it now.”

“Do you?”

“No.”

“Of course not. I think you should get some sleep Kook and then when you’re sober we’ll talk about it more tomorrow okay? I’ll go get you a blanket and a pillow.” You say softly, moving his legs to get up, an amused look on your face as he huffs and shakes his head.

"I’ll go home. I can stand..." Jungkook slurred drunkenly; attempting to lift himself up off the couch, a snicker leaving your lips at his poor attempt, shaking your head.

"No, you can't dumbass, lay down you can sleep here, I’m not carrying your heavy ass anywhere." You say with a small smile. And for once Jungkook doesn't disagree.

—

"Truly Amazing."

"Thank you.”

"Not that. I was referring to what an idiot you are." You scoff, crossing your arms and glaring at the sheepish-looking Jungkook as he grins at you and places his arm around your shoulder, which you nudge off and roll your eyes at him.

"Ah, but Idiocy is the first step toward Genius!" He remarks proudly. You facepalm and sigh shaking your head. He was unbelievable. You two were completely opposite to each other when it came to common sense.

“Fuck sake, I am fully convinced you never graduated kindergarten” You grumble looking around, holding your phone up in hopes to get at least a single bar of signal. Jungkook had decided he wanted to take an early morning hike and dragged you along with him. Saying it was good for the body and mind. But being the cocky guy he is, he wanted to stray from the trail and go his own way. Saying he knew where he was going. How wrong he was.

“Ouch, hurtful.” He pouts, tilting his head as he watches you stand on a rock, phone up in your stretched-out hand.

“Good it was meant to hurt bitch now focus!” You hiss, groaning when you don’t get a single ounce of signal. You couldn’t believe this was happening. You knew you should have never left the comfort of your bed but Jungkook can be too convincing and stubborn. You would have ended up here no matter what. You were lost in the middle of nowhere. No way to contact anyone or use your maps. No sign of civilization.

"Sooo what's the plan?" Jungkook says sheepishly, inching closer to the rock you were on. He just had a gut feeling that your clumsy self would take a misstep on it and hurt yourself. So he stayed close. Just in case.

"I don't have a plan." You sigh, pocketing your phone and looking around once more before inevitably giving up. You were gonna find nothing. It was just trees for miles. You were both screwed.

"But you're the smart one here, you must have a plan." He says, grinning nervously as you snap your head over to look at him with a death stare, hands on your hips, foot tapping waiting for him to retract his statement but he didn’t. If looks could kill. He would most certainly be dead.

"Being the 'smart one' does not mean I come with a lifetime supply of plans in my fucking pocket Jeon! You got us into this situation, you figure this one out!" You sneer before sighing and rubbing your temples. You hadn’t meant to snap, you were stressed. The one thing you hated was not being in control of a situation and being lost with no idea where to go was definitely stress-inducing.

“I know, I know I’m sorry, just get down before you hurt yourself and we’ll figure this out together okay?” He sighs and holds his hand out for you to take, staring up at you in awe. He had always thought you were pretty, but stood on the rock, the breeze following through your hair, the early morning sunlight that reflected off the trees, perfectly onto your face, highlighting your features, eyes shining, the pout on your lips. You looked ethereal.

“Fine, yeah okay.” You murmur reaching down for his hand eyes widening as you slip on a ridge of the rock, squeezing your eyes shut waiting for the impact of the hard leave-covered floor, but it never came. All you felt was a warm body, the subtle scent of lavender and chamomile. A scent you recognize as Jungkook. You slowly open your eyes and blink realizing that you were wrapped up in Jungkook’s arms. He had caught you before you could fall.

“I got you, I got you. Are you alright? Are you hurt?” He asks worriedly as he places you down, checking you over, his chest practically pressed against yours, pausing as you carefully push him away to create some distance, your cheeks burning as you shake your head, holding your breath. Having him so close made your heart race. You could feel breath fanning over your face.

“I-I’m fine, I’m not hurt. Thanks, Kook.” You whisper, nervously playing with your hands as he sighs in relief and waves you off, oblivious to your nervous reaction to him.

“You’re welcome. Just be careful, Bug, you could have seriously hurt yourself. We gotta find our way back in one piece right?” He smiles, holding your hand beginning to walk in a direction. You had to at least try and find your way back right? You’d get nowhere just in one spot.

“Yeah yeah I know. I’m a danger to myself.” You huff making him laugh and shake his head.

“Damn right you are, what’d you do without me?” He grins and you look at him with an amused look. A look that told him you were about to make a smart remark.

“I wouldn’t be lost in the middle of nowhere that’s for sure. Why did you want to go a hike anyway?” You tease, stepping over a log, watching your every step. You did not want to fall. Not again. He’d never let you live it down. He always reminded you of how clumsy you were, he did not need another reason in one day to remind you.

“I wanted to clear my head, think about the break-up and try and see the full picture you know? See if there was something I genuinely did do wrong. You know maybe I should have just proposed? I know it’s been a few weeks but it just plays on my mind sometimes.” He says shrugging his shoulders, hissing as you smack the back of his head, a glare on your face.

“Fool. You did nothing wrong. You listened to her. Explained why you didn’t want to propose yet and she didn’t like that. She tried to force you Jungkook. Something you weren’t ready for and she didn’t take no for an answer. Why should you have to sacrifice your happiness and feelings for something she wanted right then and there and you didn’t? You never said it wasn’t on the table just that it wasn’t something you personally were ready for at that period of time. You both wanted different things and unfortunately, that’s what happens to a lot of people. Yeah, it’s been a few weeks but that doesn’t mean you still can’t feel shit about it Kook. People all heal differently.” You reassure him as he nods slowly. You were right. He couldn’t force himself to do something he wasn’t ready for. A commitment that honestly, kind of terrified him.

“I just thought I could have done something different, but yeah you’re right, I couldn’t put myself in that situation. I would have really regretted it. I couldn’t have compromised with her. This is why I brought you with me because you always know what to say.” He smiles, pulling you into a side hug as you strolled through the unleveled terrain.

“You know, I thought you’d be a lot harsher about her when I told you about the break-up but you have surprised me. You hated the girl from the minute you met her.” Jungkook chuckles, whining as you poke his side, rolling your eyes.

“I never said I hate her just that I wasn’t keen on her, but I wasn’t gonna be bitch when you were clearly upset. I wasn’t gonna go ‘I told you so’ and invalidate your emotions and feelings, Kook. Yes, I told you I wasn’t keen on her and that there was something about her that I just couldn’t put my finger on. I wasn’t gonna go ‘Don’t date her, I don’t like her.’ I told you that if you’re gonna date her and be serious about it that you just be careful and that you are really sure and happy. I wasn’t gonna try and ruin your happiness because of a feeling I had on her. Your happiness was all that mattered to me.” You explain looking up at him and pouting at the look on his face. You couldn’t tell what it was but it looked sincere. A look you wanted him to have every time he looked at you.

But what you didn’t know was he did look at you with that same look a lot. Awe, care, hope. Love. It was love. Jungkook loved you. More than you could ever imagine. You weren’t just his best friend. You were someone he wanted to call his. Someone he imagined himself with. Someone he definitely wanted to grow old with. Jungkook can’t pinpoint when he started feeling this way for you. But it was definitely sometime in high school. It hurt him every time he’d see you with another guy. The dates you went on but failed. The boyfriends. It all practically killed him.

But he was scared to confess. Scared to ruin your friendship. So he buried them. Tried to forget them and date others but it never felt right. Until he met Hyun-Ae. For a short period of time, she had made him ‘forget’ his feelings for you. But they came back in a blink of an eye when she broke up with him. The night you let him into your apartment and listened to him and validated his emotions. Like right now, you didn’t like Hyun-Ae but just wanted him to be happy so accepted it. ‘Your happiness was all that mattered to me’. Yeah, he was utterly and undoubtedly in love with you and he’d never stop loving you.

But he didn’t know that you loved him unconditionally too. That it also hurt you to see him with other girls that weren’t you, that you were scared to confess to and ruin your friendship. The both of you were so oblivious to your feelings for each other that it was so painful for your friends to watch. But they weren’t going to interfere. If you were going to end up together, it’d happen naturally they told each other. That was four years ago.

“Thanks, Bug. That really does mean a lot. Sorry for bringing you on a hike gone wrong. We should have done something else. Like let loose, we haven’t done that in a while. Other than when I showed up at your apartment but that doesn’t count, I was a mess.” Jungkook laughs, kicking a pebble in his way, jumping as you gasp and stop in your place.

“Oh hey, we made it back out! How’d you know to go this way?” You say enthusiastically bouncing your heels as you realize you had made your way back onto the trail, turning to look at Jungkook, your grin dropping seeing the amused smirk on his face. Oh no.

“What if…I told you that maybe I knew we weren’t lost and I just wanted to prank you?”

“Jeon Jungkook I swear to fucking god I’m gonna kill you!”

In reality, he had no idea where he was going or how he navigated his way back but you didn’t have to know that. He loved to tease you.

—

"Why are we here again?"

"Because you said we needed to let loose the other day, why else would we be here?"

"When I said to let loose I meant in the comforts of our own homes. Not a random club that will end up with us kicked out like usual. We established we do not mix well with other people." Jungkook huffs rolling his eyes before downing the drink he cradled in his hands.

"Well shit dude, how was I supposed to know that? When you say let loose I'm gonna assume you mean in a club. Use specifics next time dumbass." You scoff, flicking his forehead earning a hiss from him, and glare at you, rubbing his forehead, grumbling under his breath.

He was right though, since college you two couldn't be trusted to be in a club without supervision from your friends. The pair of you were partners in crime. It didn't matter what the situation was, you'd always be there for each other. When it came to clubs you'd either be kicked out from dancing on tables or from getting in a fight. It didn't matter, it always happened. It was only a matter of time until you were kicked out.

"Wanna bet on the reason we end up kicked out this time?" Jungkook says in amusement, waving the bartender over to order another drink.

You raise an eyebrow before grinning and shrugging. It really could be anything at this point.

"Hmm, I think it's gonna be a fight. I'm feeling...violent tonight. You gonna have my back?" You tease taking a sip of your drink as he shakes his head.

"You know I always have your back Bug, you're my ride or die." He affirms, patting your bare shoulder before ordering you both another drink. You shudder from the contact of his warm slender hand on your shoulder, placing a hand on your racing heart, taking a deep breath. You hated how he had this effect on you, he was your best friend. You couldn't have him. You'd never have him. He didn't see you how you saw him. Well, so you thought.

"Ditto, Honey Bun, ditto."

"Here, now let's go find somewhere to sit in this god-forsaken place." He groans, handing you your drink before wrapping his arm around your shoulders to keep you close as he pushes through the waves of bodies to find a seat until he finally finds one and plops down.

"We're so boring. What happened to us two little party animals?" You laugh, nodding your head to the music. Jungkook practically snorts, shaking his head,

"We grew up and got bored of the partying."

You sit in a comforting silence, dancing along to the music and continuing to down drinks to the point where you both could feel the slight buzz of intoxication, confidence, and mischief. You were both beginning to enjoy yourselves, that was until your reason to get kicked out waltzed in. Hyun-Ae was unashamedly hanging off a clearly well-off man's arm, rolling your eyes and nudging Jungkook, shamelessly pointing behind him.

"Hey Kook, looks like your ex moved on pretty quick for someone pressuring you to marry them." You sneer, letting out a laugh of disbelief. You really despised the woman. She used Jungkook purely for her own leisure, she didn't deserve him, he was a gentleman, caring, loyal. You hate how she broke his heart.

Jungkook peers over before looking back at you and shrugs nonchalantly a teasing smile on his face. With the alcohol in his system, he felt like he had the courage of ten men. If he didn't do this now, he never would. He couldn’t carry on and pretend his feelings aren’t there. Like they’d just suddenly disappear.

"Yeah well so have I." He smirks, leaning back in his seat and taking a swig of his drink. You tilt your head in confusion. Your heart sank a little. You hadn't been told that he was interested in someone else. You really needed to get over your feelings for him. You had no chance with him. You were just best friends after all. All you were doing was hurting yourself.

"Oh really? You got proof of that, Honey Bun?" You tease trying to keep your composure, leaning forward and resting your chin on your hand, playfully wiggling your eyebrows. He snorts and places his drink down before leaning forward too, licking his lips to wet them, tilting his head, a smug smile on his face before blurting out,

"Well, the proof...would ruin our friendship."

Your breath hitches, your cheeks flushing as you begin to get flustered, your heart racing as you look down to the table to break eye contact with him. He couldn't be insinuating what you thought right? Maybe you were misunderstanding? Right?

He chuckles, a smirk playing on his lips, he could see the doubt and the inner monologue you were practically having as he gently grabs your chin and lifts your head up to look at him and coos,

"We don't want to ruin it now do we, pretty girl?"

Your heart was racing. Your lips were parted, the words you wanted to say on the tip of your tongue but couldn’t see to vocalize them. You had waited what felt like an eternity for this moment. A moment you had fanaticized for the longest time. But back then they were dreams and this was reality. This was really happening. It was like music to your ears. A rush of adrenaline. You weren’t going to let this moment slip through your fingers. You may never get another chance to do this.

“What if I want to ruin our friendship? What if I want to be more than just your best friend?” You whisper, breath hitching as he tugs your chair closer to him, your hands shaking as you place one on his cheek, closing your eyes as he nudges his nose against yours, foreheads pressed against each other.

“Yeah? You want to be my girl?” He breathes out, lips grazing against yours, his own heart pounding in anticipation. He wanted to so badly claim you as his own. Be able to tell everyone that you were his girl, no one else's. He so badly wanted to feel your lips against his. To have your body against his.

“She’s watching Kook.” You murmur, peering over his shoulder when you got the feeling of someone staring. Her jaw was clenched, and her eyes narrowed as she eyed you both angrily. You could see her fists were clenched beside her. She wasn’t impressed.

“So? Let her watch pretty girl, let's give her a show. Let her know who I belong to now.” He smirks and without a moment of hesitation, his lips were against yours. It was nothing like you had imagined it would be. It was even better. It was euphoric. His lips were soft, his lip ring cold in contrast to his warmth. In that kiss was the sweetness of passion, a million loving thoughts condensed into a moment. It was bruising, and dizzying. A small moan left your lips as he sucks your bottom lip into his mouth before letting it go with a pop, a teasing smirk on his swollen lips, you were sure yours were too. The both of you panting, arousal pooling in the pit of your stomach, almost shaking with excitement, you knew where this was going, and you had never wanted it more. He opens his mouth to speak but a figure towering over you halts his actions, the both of you looking up and sighing seeing the very irritated Hyun-Ae. Yeah, this was it, you were about to get kicked out.

“Ah Hyun-Ae what an unpleasant surprise, how can we help you on this fine night?” You smile fakely leaning back in your seat in amusement waiting to hear her spew nonsense.

“So this is who you downgraded to? You skanky ‘best friend’, I always knew she wanted to get her grubby hands on you.” She seethes crossing her arms. Jungkook rolls his eyes, now he can see why you disliked her.

“I’m too sober for this bullshit…” You mumble to yourself, her voice practically causing you a headache.

“I think I got an upgrade thank you very much. She’s far more of a better person than you.” Jungkook snarks, glaring at his ex-girlfriend.

“I see you had downgrade though, you know for a bitch wanting to force him to marry her, you sure have moved on quickly, very materialistic aren’t you? Going for the rich guys, I think all you want is the lavish life, the money, not the love and comfort.” You say in amusement, a harsh grin on your lips as she gasps and retracts slightly at your insult.

“Why you vile, piece of-”

“Woah woah, I'm sensing…some hostility. Maybe you should take up meditation?” You say sweetly only angering the woman more and bringing you more entertainment.

“I could never stand you!” She exclaims making you laugh and stand up so you were level with her, tilting your head at her,

“Then sit down no one asked you to stand. You know, if there was a prize for having the world's most punchable face, I'm sure you'd win." You sneer, watching as she raises her hand to slap you but it never reaches you, thanks to Jungkook’s quick reflexes grabbing her wrist.

“I think that’s enough. Hyun-Ae leave us alone. We’re over. You don’t get to criticize me for who I date when you are seeing some stuck-up, self-absorbed man. I mean look, he doesn’t even care that you’ve wandered off. Hope you become a better person. Now excuse us, we have something much more fun to do.” Jungkook huffs, letting go of her wrist before tugging you out of the club. He needed to get out of here.

“How do you always end up with the psychos?” You laugh as you both climb into a cab, a noise of surprise leaving your lips as he pulls you close to him, a playful smile on his lips,

“Are you insinuating that you’re psycho too pretty girl?”

“I never denied it, Honey Bun. You should know that I can be a bit psycho by now.” You tease and press your lips onto his, his tongue swirling with yours, hand in your hair to keep you close. As soon as you reached your apartment things got intense. In a split second his touch awakened every nerve in your body and brain, electrifying them. It's the anticipation of being together in a way that's more than words, in a way that's so completely tangible. You both barely make it to the bedroom, hands trying to touch every bit of each others body, clothes being thrown all over the floor, the only things left on your body was your bra and pants and Jungkook in his boxers. Jungkook pulls away from the kiss to admire you, eyes filled with love and lust.

In the room that is twilight and shadow Jungkook stands close enough for you to breathe in his scent. His arms wrap around your back and in one gentle pull your skin touches. You feel his hand in your hair, how he loves the softness, watching it tumble as he releases it. Then his hand moves down your cheekbones to your lips. That's when the kissing starts again and you start to move like partners in a dance that is written in your DNA. Your bodies fit together as if you were made just for this, to fall into one another, to feel this natural rhythm. With a laugh he lifts you right off your feet, carrying you towards the bed, letting you fall with a soft bounce on the mattress. You lock eyes for just a moment, just enough for you to feel safe with one another. Then he's all business, undoing your jeans, pulling them off, kissing from your toes upward, slowly, his hands on your legs, always just a little higher than the kisses. You feel your back arch in anticipation, knowing where his fingers will soon reach. Your head rocks back against the pillow as he does, the first moan escaping your lips.

But as quick as it happened his fingers were gone, a teasing smile on his face, “You think I’d give you everything you want so quickly? No way baby, you need to use your big girl words. Talk to me.”

“Jungkook you cannot be serious, I do not do teasing, you better do something quick.” You groan, glaring at his laugh before flipping the two of you over so that you were on top.

“Shit, pretty girl,” he hisses as you roll your hips, grinding your core against his. He can feel how wet you are through where your cunt drags against his underwear soaking them. You were burning from arousal and anticipation, gasping as he flips you back over.

“I want to taste you. Can I?”

The question makes your legs shiver and you nod. He nudges your legs open with his knee, hands pressing into the mattress beside your shoulder and head locking you in under his form. He leans down and kisses you with the same urgency he had in the cab. Your head swims with excitement and you can feel yourself growing more wet as you feel his toned stomach press to yours. A moan pushes its way out of you and into his mouth as you feel his nipples graze yours.

“Fuck.”

He smirks into the kiss before he breaks it and then he’s kissing your cheek, jaw, neck, clavicle, between your breasts and then your nipple is in his mouth and you arch into it as his tongue swirls and his lips encase and tug.

“Jungkook —” you moan.

He looks up at you, his bangs obscuring his vision but he does nothing except continue his way down your body. His hands following. You’ve never felt so safe, so secure, and so sexy under a man before. Then suddenly he’s standing again, his hands on your thighs and he tugs you down with a force that surprises you. Your eyes wide meet his, equally as wide and dark. He smiles and shakes his head, looking down at your legs.

“What?” you ask and he looks back up at you.

“You’re just fucking beautiful.” he rasps, taking in every inch of your body as if he’d forget what it looked like.

“Kiss me?”

He nods but instead of crawling back up your body to meet your lips, he bends down and kisses your stomach.You close your eyes and slip your hand into his hair and tugging. He moans against your skin and your breath hitches.Your hips twitch as he kisses your hipbone and then licks your skin, biting and marking it, he wanted to claim you, paint you in arrays of purple and red bruised flowers. You lift yourself up and watch him as he shifts down, his hand sliding down following the movement of your thigh.

“Oh fuck” you breathe out surprised as you feel his index finger slip down your clit and between your folds.

“You’re going to taste so good, I just know it,” he says as he gathers some of your arousal on his finger and then looks up at you and licks. His eyes roll back and close as he moans deep,

“Fuck, I knew it.”

You watch him go again but this time you feel his finger press into you, you gasp, hips moving. He leans in and presses the tip of his nose to your clit and licks, lapping up your arousal like a starved man. Your wanton moan fills the room and your hands tighten around his hair instinctively needing to keep him there and to stay there. His tongue works along with his finger for a few moments and then his finger is gone only to be replaced by his tongue. Pushing into you, penetrating you and you practically go limp, a choked moan leaving your mouth as his thumb returns and applies pressure to your clit. You could have came right then and there.

“Jungkook if you don’t stop I’m gonna come.” You pant and he pulls away your arousal glistening on his lips, shuddering as he licks his lips not wanting to waste a single drop of your slick. Leaning back the bulge in his underwear evident of his painful boner. You kneel on your shaking legs, keeping your eyes locked on his as you press wet kisses to his stomach moving lower and lower, his breath getting heavy, his hands gently caressing your skin, your fingers playing with the waistband of his boxers before tugging them down his length springing free, he kicks them off and you stare in awe before starting your teasing, wrapping your fingers around him, squeezing lightly.

“Pretty girl, don’t fucking tease, you’ll get a punishment for it.” He husked, glaring at the playful smile on your face.

“Not so fun when you’re on the receiving end is it baby?” You coo, hand moving off his length, a growl leaving his mouth, placing a hand in your hair opening his mouth to talk but a choked moan leaves his mouth as you swipe your tongue across his head, tasting the tang of his pre-cum.

You wrap your lips around him and take him until he hits your throat, looking up at him through your lashes, then you come up and pause, just holding him in your mouth, your tongue running back and forth across the underside. Jungkook grunts and his eyelids flutter closed.

“Pretty girl, oh fuck…” He groans, strangled, panting and head rocking back, his adams apple bobbing in his throat.

“Mm?” you hum, not taking him from your mouth, and you notice the muscle in his jaw jump as he clenches as you trail sloppy, wet kisses down the length of his hot, smooth cock. You run your tongue flat across his balls as your hand continues to pump his shaft and he moans,

“Doing such a good job my pretty girl, fuck your mouth is incredible babygirl.”

You hollow your cheeks and suck, your hand and mouth moving as one, eager to impress him more, the praises causing your arousal to drip. Jungkook’s hand in your hair is tight, not directing you, just to have something to hold on to. As you push lower, tipping your head to take him into your throat, he jerks, his abdomen tightening euporhically, close to his release. This was quickest he’s ever needed to cum before from a blowjob.

“Y/N, Y/N stop, our first time is not gonna have me, cumming in your mouth, I wanna be inside you, fuck do you have condoms?” He rasps as he gently pulls you away, groaning as you shake your head.

“No I have the coil and I’m clean you?” You pant, lips swollen and red, leaning your face into his touch as he strokes your cheek, nodding and gulping. Fuck he doesn’t think he’s going to last long going in raw.

“Fuck, yeah, yeah I am, shit baby, I might not last long.” He grunts, softly pushing you back, grinning as you squeal when he flips you over, pulling your ass up and running his hand over your cheek before a smack echoes in the room and a stinging sensation is spreading over your ass, a cry of pleasure escaping your lips.

“Such a perfect ass, wanna mark it all up with my handprint but we can do that another day, right now I need to be inside you before I die.” He groans, aligning his length with your entrance, Your whole body shuddering as he presses into you for the first time. You both moan low and Jungkook pauses at the bottom to regain his composure. It was like you were made for each other, the way your bodies moulded together perfectly. You were addicted already.

He drags himself backwards before thrusting in again. Your walls are spasming already; you’re so tight and he’s stretching you just right, filling you up like you’ve not been filled before. You were wrecked for any other man, not that you wanted anyone else.

“Oh fuck Kookie, feels so fucking good, don’t stop.” You babble, a complete mess as he picks gains rhythm, picking up his pace and ruthlessly pounding into you, your fists tight in the sheets, your head dropping muffling your moans, gasping as one of his hands grabs your hair and pulls you up, growling,

“Don’t you fucking dare hide those pretty moans. I wanna hear every single one. I want everyone to know who’s making you feel this good, who you belong to, do you understand pretty girl?”

“Yes! Yes I understand! Jungkook fuck!” You practically scream out, eyes rolling back, the pleasure so intense, your body felt like it was on fire.

He watches closely as he pushes into the tight, wet slip of your core, watching himself disappear into you with each thrust, moans leaving his throat. You loved how vocal he was. It excited you more, your pride soaring that you were able to make him feel good too. You really do feel drunk, giddy, hysterical. You feel tears prick in your eyes at the relief of it, the pressure, the pleasure.

“Shit, I can’t wait to fill you up, stuff you fucking full. Can you take it, baby?” He rasps

“I can take it,” you reply, voice high and tight.

“Give it to me, Kookie- fuck.”

He grabs the hair at the back of your head again and pulls it back, your back pressed to his chest as he fucks up into you, keeping your neck so he can kiss you, lick you, bite you there, moaning against your skin as you whimper and stutter, a silent scream leaving your lips as he reaches deeper into you from the new position,

“Kookie, shit, please. I need you to fuck me forever. God, don’t stop. Don’t stop.”

“Never,” he grunts. “Shit, won’t stop. I’m yours baby.”

Jungkook is so rough you loved it, his grip on your waist painfully tight that you knew it would leave marks.You felt so sensitive, you’re at an almost constant spasm around him; your limbs tingling from adrenaline. Jungkook sucks at that one spot on your neck that makes you melt and you swear, voice wavering and breaking. He knew you were close and so was he, his stomach so tight, desperate for his release, but he wouldn’t come. Not yet. He needed to make sure you came first. Your pleasure came first to him.

“You gonna come pretty girl? I want you to come all over me, be a good girl and come.” He coos darkly into your ear, his hand slipping between your legs, his pace never faltering. His touch is gentle, but it’s enough to have your vision burning white, your blood roaring, your ears ringing as you come. You hold him tight, your hand digging into his hair as you splutter and pant, your head laying back on his shoulder, feeling his chest vibrate from his husky groans and growls as he comes too, fucking you both through your orgasms, filling you up with his cum.

The room is filled with your pants and heavy breathing as you both come down from your orgasm, nothing but gentle touches shared between you both to keep you both grounded, a gasp leaving you both as Jungkook gently slips out of you and guiding you to lay down before flopping down next to you and pulling you into his arms.

“You still with me, Bug?” Jungkook chuckles tiredly, seeing the fucked out look in your eyes, stroking hair back from your face and peppering kisses to your face moving his hand to stroke up and down your spine.

“Mhmm, still here, just regrouping, Honey Bun.” You whisper, a tired smile on your face. You were in sheer bliss, pure happiness. You finally got the guy. A man you loved so dearly for years.

“That’s good. You did so good pretty girl. Such a good girl for me. I love you.” He utters, nuzzling his nose against yours, grinning as you pout your lips for a kiss, giggling as he presses multiple pecks onto them.

“I love you too. That was everything and more than I could have ever imagined.” You sigh, nuzzling your head into his chest, a yawn leaving your lips as he kisses the top of your head.

“That’s good to hear. I’m so glad I get to call you mine finally, I’ve loved you for so long. I couldn’t hide it no more.”

“I’m glad you didn’t, I’ve loved you since fucking high school. It was killing me.” You laugh, stopping when he tenses and sits up causing you to sit up as well.

“Wait…you’ve loved me since high school?” He says in shock, cursing at himself as you nod slowly and frown.

“Yeah why? What’s wrong with that?” You say hesitantly, slightly amused as he groans and face palms. Yeah you two really were that oblivious.

“I’ve loved you since high school too…” He muffles out and your eyes widen in realization. You felt like an idiot. He felt like an idiot.

“Wait so that means-”

“Yeah we could have been together a long time ago if we weren’t so dumb.”

“Oh my fucking god.”

Guys I'm so sorry for how late this is, I am a dumbass and totally forgot to switch from draft to post so I thought I had posted this ages ago, I'm so dumb so I sincerely apologize for making you guys wait and I hope you guys enjoyed 😅♥

Taglist

@sophiaj650 @bbgniecyy @littlebaby-bunbun @driftapart @kalala22 @pb-n-juju @sugarrush-blush @cryingpages @avadakadabra93 @jeongukkieeeeeeee @withluvjm @bangtans-momma @wobblewobble822 @jkslaugh97 @sharkipoonis @notchia @hrndez2008 @kiylasstuff @poopiedookieballz @hoseokteardrop

#jeon jungkook #jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook au #jungkook #jungkook angst #jungkook imagine #jungkook drabble #jungkook oneshot #jungkook x reader #jungkook x y/n

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linked-maze · 3 months ago

Note

See? This isn’t hating kids! You have a phobia and even tho it’s rare? You have an understandable reason for it and it’s completely valid

I’m absolutely terrified of spiders, just the mere sight of them makes me uneasy, the way they move makes my skin crawl and the thought of one near me or crawling on me just makes me terrified!

I don’t hate spiders, they are good for the environment, they kill and eat bugs that destroy crops and cause diseases like mosquitoes! They are actually very helpful to Mother Nature! But I just am afraid of them and uncomfortable with them being around me and would rather let them exist at a safe distance from me ^^

Your phobia is valid, your triggers are valid, doesn’t matter where this phobia came from or came about? It’s valid and there should never ever be a reason to get mad or hate you for it! It’s a boundary you want people to be aware of and respected ^^

Plus I get it I also get a bit uneasy with kids when they are like that cuz I never know what to do or how to even handle them (even tho people tell me I’m great around them) I like kids! But I’m uneasy around them and honestly? It’s very understandable

Never let all the haters and naysayers get to you! You are valid! And your boundaries are valid ❤️

Yeah so true!! And thank you xD

#inbox #the ask says it all I don’t need to add anything xD

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yanderes-galore · 4 months ago

Note

Misa/Rem (Death note) Platonic/Romantic Team up Misa friends darling 🪲 [Shiny Bug Anon]

Yeesh... as if having one yandere isn't bad enough. You also get the supernatural enabling her. If Rem's character is off, it's because it's been a bit since I've seen the source material.

Yandere! Misa Amane + Rem with Friend! Darling

Pairing: Platonic/Romantic - "Sharing"

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Stalking, Manipulation, Clingy behavior, Murder, Possessive behavior/Jealousy, Isolation, Dubious companionship/relationship.

Alright, this is my idea for the pair dynamic.

The primary yandere is Misa as you both are friends.

She can either be romantic or platonic, but it's clear Misa is... attached.

Even more so if you were friends before her modeling career.

Now she has to deal with all these creeps...

But at least she has you, right?

When it comes to Rem, I feel Rem is more of a guardian to the both of you.

Not only that but... The Shinigami sees how happy you make Misa.

Rem never liked Light using Misa.

Rem thinks the girl deserves someone who actually cares for her.

Rem believes you are that person.

Due to this I can see Rem... encouraging Misa's obsession once she shifts her attention to you.

She just seems so much... happier with you.

As we all know, Rem cares for Misa, even if it's against the rules for Shinigami to feel such a way.

If you make Misa happy... Rem will do anything to preserve that.

If you think about it... such a team up is terrifying.

It would be different from Light and Ryuk, as Ryuk could care less about Light compared to Rem and Misa.

Not only do you have Misa, who already has obsessive behavior without me needing to do anything, on your trail...

But she has a Shinigami aiding her.

It's... unfair for you.

Misa is a very hyperactive person, often childish and cheerful.

Due to how she acts around people, I can see her being clingy with you as her friend.

She often calls you on the phone... or visits your home.

I can see Misa talking the ear off her obsession.

She's someone who adores your attention.

Even more so if her obsession isn't platonic... or changing over from platonic....

It's canonical that Misa doesn't put much meaning on life.

As a Death Note user, all it takes is a name and a face for someone to die.

Plus, she's had her life saved countless times.

She's been known to kill to get her way in canon.

All thanks to help from Rem.

The scariest part about this match up is the fact you have no idea Rem exists.

Rem, who is no doubt helping keep you in Misa's grasp, is beyond your comprehension without touching the Death Note.

Rem's view of you isn't entirely adoration like how she feels towards Misa.

In fact, Rem is mostly doing this for Misa.

So, if Misa rants about you liking someone else or spending time with someone else, I can see the two easily getting rid of the person.

Nothing should threaten Misa's happiness.

The same would go for you if you decide to try and leave Misa.

I can see Rem helping Misa get closer to you.

You constantly feel like you're being watched... which could be by either of them.

No one around you is safe because of the whole Shinigami eye deal.

You'd have no clue that Misa is the one isolating you.

Misa doesn't seem as cunning as Light... yet she's still be able to keep other people away from you with help from Rem.

So... There's no choice but for you to hang out with your friend, right...?

Misa is thankful Rem cares enough to help her.

All the scary deaths and missing people no doubt make you stick close to her.

Safety in groups, right?

Plus, surely you're concerned for her too?

You're blissfully unaware that your modeling friend is manipulating you by killing off those around you.

Honestly, the only way you'd learn of this fact is if you touched the Death Note.

Which is something that most likely won't happen... unless it's by accident or Misa wants it.

For example, maybe you get in a fight with Misa.

You two are quite close but you end up catching her being cruel and manipulative towards someone you talk to.

You argue about wanting space, only for Misa to impulsively thwack you with something after feeling hurt.

You pause, baffled she hit you...

Only to freeze when you see Rem staring down at you from behind Misa.

Once you're able to see Rem, I can see you being more attentive to Misa...

Who can blame you? You just found out your friend is connected to the supernatural...

You also find out your friend has been eliminating everyone you talk to that isn't her...

All thanks to that Shinigami behind her.

Safe to say, you're terrified, all the time.

Especially when Rem stalks you for Misa, whom eagerly wants to know what her friend is doing all the time.

There's no one to ask for help, who is there to ask for help...?

Misa would probably have them killed.

Probably finding the situation funny.

Unlike Light, she doesn't think all of her kills through.

If she wants them gone, they're gone.

Rem goes along with it because Misa's happy.

Rem is only fond of you because Misa is obsessed with you.

How could Rem not help when she sees the model cling to you whenever she sees you.

We already know through her interactions with Light that she gets jealous easily.

Now that she has Rem and the Death Note, it's not an issue!

They're dead before they're too close.

She has no problem with this, either.

Misa only seems to care about a few people.

Light, Rem, and you.

So... as you're very close to her... She naturally wants you all to herself.

It rough for you.

At some point, no doubt due to being intimidated by Rem, you give up finding new friends.

This thrills Misa.

Great! Now she doesn't have to worry about you forgetting about her.

She's always been your best friend.

If she isn't dating Light or no longer loves him, she could be your girlfriend too.

But... Either way works for her!

As long as you're hers, she couldn't be happier.

She's always giggling with you, saying how much she adores you, all while you're hoping Rem stays merciful.

Rem loves to see Misa happy... she always seems happy with you...

Which just means Rem will have to keep you two together, no matter what, it's what Misa would want....

#yandere death note #yandere misa amane #yandere rem #yandere death note x reader

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sohnric · 11 months ago

Text

BELOVED — E. SOHN

pairing: eric sohn x fem! reader

genre: hurt/comfort, friends to lovers. angst, fluff. the tiniest bit of swimmer! eric for some reason. wrote this in a moment of weakness handle with care!! :~)

word count: 2.4k

warnings: reader is said to be red in the face from the cold (alludes to specific skin color - im sorry i wrote this for me only and yall just get to read it), swearing, insecurity and jealousy, unspecified mental illness (?)

a/n: once again thank you to @csenke for beta reading and encouraging me to post this :p and also for existing. ily <3 btw swimmer eric is such a concept it gave us both whiplash maybe i need to revisit this in a full fic....

The coldness of the crisp evening makes you sniffle, your bones freezing and fingers going numb even in the comfort of your coat pockets. Your brain is full of thoughts fighting amongst each other, running around and hitting the corners of your head, slowly causing you an annoying migraine. You now regret not taking your headphones with you, because the music could help you drown out the noise of your inner voice, but the you from an hour ago that decided to go on a walk to clear your head had other plans for you, so you now have to suffer the stream of your thoughts instead. The stream is so loud you swear you can hear it resonating through the silent campus, but you know that’s a foolish thought, so you fight it away with a bitter chuckle.

Eyes zeroing on the orange fluorescent lights coming from inside of the building you’re standing in front of, you start feeling a little silly for coming here. It’s not like you think you’d be sent away, but there’s also that little bugging voice inside of your brain that keeps reminding you that you weren’t invited. Your feet have dragged you here without your consent or order. One moment, you were walking down the river, shuddering from the cold, and the other, you found yourself in front of the pool– as if the tugging of your heart was stronger than your own brain, stronger than your own thoughts.

Sometimes you feel bad for taking it all out on him. At least that’s what you suppose you’re doing– with your annoyed remarks whenever he checks in on you, with your sighs whenever he asks what’s wrong. It’s not like he’s incorrect with his suspicions– he always somehow knows you’re in a bad mood, no matter how hard you try to mask it– you just don’t often feel like discussing the matter with him. Or anyone, really. Sometimes, you feel bad for pushing him away or not texting him back. Sometimes you feel truly shitty for the fact that you can’t open up to him, no matter how hard you try.

And sometimes, you just truly think that he wouldn’t care. It’s weird how your mind works– someone could spend so much time with you, making memories together and laughing at your jokes, yet, your mind could convince you that they don’t really like you at all in the first place. That this is some sort of a game they’re playing, trying to see how long you can stay convinced that they enjoy your presence in their life before you notice and they step away. You don’t even know where this conviction is coming from. If you knew, maybe you could fix it. If you could locate it, you’d try to delete the flawed code from your system.

Sometimes, you think he doesn’t care about how you are, what you’re doing, what you think. It has nothing to do with the way he treats you; more so with the anxiety nibbling at the corners of your brain whenever he talks to anyone else– with the constant fear of being replaced, of having him find someone better, someone less difficult to be friends with. In its full essence, the image is terrifying. You think your world would crumble if you lost another person in your life.

More so, you think your world would crumble if you lost him. You recognize that there’s a constant desire in the depths of your heart to be someone’s favorite– his favorite– to be the person someone would choose in a room full of people. To be the one they walk up to first with a smile and their arms wide open.

And it’s silly. You’re his best friend. He tells you so every day. It’s the way you’re introduced to everyone out of his circle that you meet on parties or at campus.

Admittedly, you like hearing him say it. Best friend– the title shows you’re the best at something: at being his companion, at making him laugh, at being there for him, whatever it is that you do to earn that sticker. The title shows that you’re somebody’s favorite– his favorite– and it makes you deeply satisfied with yourself. It makes you proud, even.

Some days, you still have a hard time believing it, though. Some days, you still feel stranded. Lonely. Isolated. It’s weird.

Somehow, your heart, your feet and the unconscious part of your brain took you right where you knew you’d find him. You didn’t choose to go here– if you realized you were nearing the building, you would’ve even tried to stop yourself– and as you contemplate turning on your heel and going back home, hell, you even take the first step away from the pools, the sound of the main door opening and his voice calling for you makes you halt in your movements, gluing you to the pavement.

Sometimes, the heart knows what it needs even before you get a chance to register it.

“Y/N! How long have you been standing there?” he calls after you, making you bite down on your lower lip. There’s no escaping him now– you guess it’s for the better, though.

Turning towards him, a guilty look spreading over your features, you shrug. “Not long.”

“It’s freezing out here! Why didn’t you come inside?” he asks, a wrinkle forming in between his eyebrows as he walks closer to you, his friends from the swim team patting his back and saying their goodbyes to the two of you as they pass the commotion on their way out.

“I didn’t want to intrude your practice,” you peep, sniffling a little from the cold.

“Gosh, you always do this,” he says, rolling his eyes at you. He almost looks mad at you, and by the way he raises his voice and throws his arms in the air in frustration, you think you’re correct with assuming he might be. “I texted you the whole day! Hell, I called, even though I know how much you hate phone calls. And I get that you probably didn’t feel like talking, but a simple ‘I'm okay, don’t worry’ text would’ve been nice!”

Dragging his hand through his hair in defeat, he shakes his head at you. “Besides, you can’t just keep shutting me off every time you are having a hard time, for god’s sake! Not only do I worry, but I hate seeing you suffer all alone.”

Chewing on the inside of your cheek, you listen patiently to his lecture. You know he’s right– he almost always is, because the rational side of your brain ceases to exist every time your insecurities fail you– so there’s really no aim in trying to argue or fight with him.

Eric sighs as he steps even closer to you, adjusting the strap of his duffel bag on his shoulder before he reaches for the hood of your jacket and puts it over your head. “You could’ve texted me you were here, I’d leave practice early for you,” he says, voice now softer as he stands in front of you, not really wanting to scream straight into your face.

You shrug in response, not really knowing what to say. Telling him you contemplated leaving just seconds before he found you here would make him even more mad with you, so you choose to gloss over that fact. Besides, it’s kind of comforting, the way his words work. The way his presence calms you, makes the screaming match of your thoughts drown out with his firm comments and scolding remarks. His words, although full of frustration, make your insides warm up and your muscles relax, like you’re coming undone.

His face shows concern. His actions speak even louder than his words when he tugs the sides of your hood closer together at your neck, the hole for your head previously exposing your bare skin and making you shiver. “Couldn’t you dress more warmly? Do you want to catch a cold?” he mutters, shaking his head in disbelief. “You scutter here all unannounced, wearing close to nothing, and expect me to not be frustrated with you?”

You study his expression for a while. It’s not often you get to see Eric from so up close, but even in the darkness of the evening, you recognise the familiarity of his close-to-flawless features. Anchoring yourself into his gaze for a second, you move to study the sculpture of his cheekbones, the furrowed nature of his brows, the slope of his cupid’s bone. His hair falls into his eyes, making you instinctively drag your hand up and move his bangs out of the way, having the male wince at the contact of your fingers with his skin. “Hell, your hands are cold! You didn’t even take gloves? It’s minus five degrees outside!” he grunts.

It makes you chuckle. You did something nice for him, yet, there he is– complaining about the fact that you have yet again failed to take care of yourself. “I’m not even surprised, y’know, since you didn’t put on a scarf either, but sometimes I wish this little brain of yours,” he point his finger to the side of your temple, “had better self-preservation instincts,” he finishes as he fishes for something in his pocket.

Taking out his own gloves and holding them up to you so you can slip your numb fingers into the fabric, he continues on with his little tangent. “Next time,” he adds when you’re successfully wearing the warm garment, “text me as soon as you get here, okay? And look outside before you go out, so you know what to wear. Maybe open that little weather app on your home screen, even. Might be helpful,” he jokes, although a little dryly, as he brings out a scarf from his duffel bag, tying it around your neck and almost suffocating you with how tight he wraps it, making sure you’re defrosting under his tender care.

When he’s done dressing you up like a doll, you’re left staring at him speechless. Eric reciprocates the gaze, something gentle, yet worried mirroring behind his dark orbs. There’s comfort lingering in the air now that you’re not so cold, and with the added essence of his existence, the act of living doesn’t seem like such a hassle anymore. You feel lighter, in a way.

“Sorry,” he hums after a heartbeat of silence, “how are you feeling?” he asks, an apologetic look sent your way when he realizes he slipped into a heated lecture again, not knowing that this is exactly what you wanted and unknowingly came here for. (For his furrowed eyebrows and the crease in between them, his worried orbs and words tinted with frustration, showing you that he cares and wants you to be safe. For his little tangent, yet also gentle touches as he takes care of you and makes sure you’re staying warm. For the familiar look in his eyes, whispering to you that you’re the only thing in the whole world that matters to him right in this moment and always, forever.)

You smile at the clueless boy. It seems to make something in him settle into a more comfortable place. “All better now,” you reply.

“Good,” he says. “God, you look awful,” he jokes– laughing airly to reference the state of your frozen face– cheeks and the tip of your nose red, eyes watery from the wind, hair messily sticking out from the bottom of your hood– as one of his hands comes up to cradle your face and squish your cheeks together, turning your chapped lips into a big pout. The contact of his skin on yours makes your stomach feel light with the contrast of his warm hand on your cold face, all your senses coming alive when his voice drops a few octaves lower, seriousness tinting his tone. “Promise me to take better care of yourself from now on?”

Nodding, not really having it in you to even make a noise, you watch as the male studies your face for a while. In any other circumstance, his gaze would make you shy away, but not now. Not when everything seems suddenly so simple, not when all your worries seem to slip through your fingers. When his eyes point towards your lips– your puckered, dry mouth– a sense of expecting takes over you, a strange kind of excitement buzzing in the tips of your fingertips. When you breathe in through your half-clogged nose, the mixed scent of his fabric softener coming off the scarf tied tightly around your neck and the smell of the shower gel he uses to wash the chlorine off after his swimming practice hits your nose, making you a little light-headed. No words are spoken as the male suddenly leans in and presses a quick peck to your lips.

His warm lips meet with yours in what seems to be a second-long contact, but it’s enough to have the ghost of his touch lingering, enough to make your stomach churn in joy.

The action was so painfully casual– as if it was second nature to him. As if there was no reason for him to contemplate the decision– as if this was what he wanted to do all the time, and so he did it. Sometimes, actions speak louder than words.

Selfishly, though, you must admit you need both– you need the words just as much as the actions. Good thing Eric knows you so well– sometimes you think it’s even more than you know yourself.

“Now come on, let’s get you home,” he hums, hugging you to him with his right arm as you two walk down the sidewalk, “wouldn’t want my beloved girl to freeze to death right here.”

His beloved.

The words resonate in your brain. This time, it’s a good type of screaming match happening with your thoughts– all worries battled, using his sentence to cut out the bad parts like a sharpened knife. This time, your mind is full of fireworks and excited buzzing, sending the happy signals all across your body, helping you fight winter with the power of gentle loving.

And sure, you know that those feelings might come again. There’s no way of telling when the skeletons will appear, hunting down your happy thoughts. But you know that even if they do, you will always somehow find your way back to Eric, and he’ll make sure to remind you of what you need to hear, and you’ll be okay again.

You guess The Beatles were right after all. Maybe all you need is a little love sometimes.

#deoboyznet #the boyz #tbz #eric sohn #sohn youngjae #the boyz angst #the boyz fluff #tbz angst #tbz fluff #eric sohn angst #eric sohn fluff #eric sohn x reader #tbz x reader #tbz scenario #the boyz x reader #the boyz scenario #sohn youngjae x reader #sohn youngjae fluff #sohn youngjae angst

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