#tl;dr your read on The Vibes based on

[thatswhatsushesaid]

reflecting on some of the posts i've seen dropped in the jgy tags over the last week, i've come to the conclusion that some of you just asked chatgpt to summarize the plot or character relationships for you, and decided that was as good as reading the book. why form your own coherent opinions when you can just ask the robot that lives in your phone to do it for you?

[bogkeep]

okay so i wanted to try out one of those "i pick out a book to you based on your preferences" packages, and got sent this one. i'm picking away at it in my lunch breaks and since i'm nearly halfway i think i can blog about it now.

- i'm very pleased to get a standalone novel, especially one i haven't seen on any booktok shelves in stores. i think that was my main worry, especially since i couldn't provide the shopkeeper with a detailed goodreads list, and i had picked "surprise me!" as preferred genre. i had never seen or heard of this book before so i was pretty excited to go in with zero expectations!

- it's a post-apocalyptic robot sci-fi with western vibes, except i think it's not a very good sci-fi. i think it might be a decent western though? it definitely got a lot better to read after i adjusted my expectations thereafter. idk if it's GOOD but i'm not hating thr experience at this moment

- why it's a bad sci-fi: it's written from the pov of the robot protagonist, so you'd THINK that would be an interesting choice (like the murderbot diaries!), but it's... not. it reads exactly like a human but with exchangeable body parts. which is fine, it's a choice, let's do western with robots. whatever

- the parts trying to be profound, thought-provoking sci-fi are so pretentious and insufferable sometimes. just...

it's not just me right. this kinda sucks right.

anyway then i turned the page and

tl;dr "the smartest robot ever developed concluded that because humans couldn't decide between hypercapitalism and hypercommunism they were doomed to fail."

THIS IS SO STUPID OHH MY GODDDDDD AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

anyway. the robot uprising backstory parts are actually kinda fun to read if you ignore all the blurbs praising the book for how this book about robots actually ~says so much about humanity~. i can pretend it's videogame lore or something. idk.

- apparently the robots had their own culture for a while but ???? tell me more please. lean into the concept. sometimes you get things like "caring for the dead is a human concept so we just let their corpses lie strewn across the ground everywhere" and then it's revealed that these robots have (binary, of course) GENDERS and PRONOUNS. ASSIGNED TO THEM BY THEIR FORMER HUMAN OWNERS. WHY!!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!!!!! DO YOU CARE ABOUT HUMAN VALUES OR NOT

- i think i enjoy the character interactions? there was a showdown that was fun to read. more of that pls

- the prose started out with horrible choppy sentences but it mellowed out into much more readable prose so it's. it's Fine

- the chapter titles are written in binary. fun detail

[polyamorousmood]

Hi! I'm rather new to poly and have found your blog to be a source of reassurance. I was wondering if I could ask for some advice-- no worries if you can't respond!

My partner and I opened our relationship about half a year ago. I don't really like my meta as a person; there isn't anything particularly wrong with her, our personalities are just too different and her energy stresses me out a little. Think grumpy cat and hyper puppy.

We share a friend group and this friend group does a lot of events together so we often share the same space. For context, she's known some of them for longer than I have, but I have become more enmeshed into the group since I joined. Hinge and I also live together (with two of said friends). Because of that, I always let her spend time with hinge whenever we have a gathering because I get to see hinge more often than her. In fact I almost actively avoid hinge and hang out with other people to give them space. Afterwards, I sleep on the couch so she can sleep in the (hinge and my) bed with hinge.

I feel like I'm doing my best to give her/them space but I can tell she isn't happy. The group went out to a restaurant for my birthday and when I walked into the lobby where she was waiting with some of the others, she started crying at the sight of me and had to excuse herself. I'm not sure what I did wrong. I had just had a date with hinge and we walked in together so maybe I forgot to stop holding hands with hinge (?) Maybe she saw my phone screen which was a picture of me and hinge (?) (A normal picture of us hugging not anything too intimate)

I feel awkward now and like I have to watch myself to make sure I don't "slip up" again. I don't think I should need to hold myself to such strict standards but perhaps I'm wrong. It feels like walking on eggshells around her and if I show hinge any affection then she'll be upset. The other day hinge sent a picture of us to the group chat and I think she's unfriended me on socials since then.

What should I do in a situation like this? Can I even do anything? Was my mistake really that bad?

😬😬😬

I'm just going to put the read more here

TL;DR: yeah, you should do something. I don't think its all on you for not adhering to 0 affection in front of the girlfriend ever though.

This brings up a lot of personal struggles for me. I am going to present as best I can a good faith reading of all parties here, but know that my bias favors you, dear asker.

For clarity, the asker will be called you, the partner will be called Hinge, and the meta of the asker will be called gf/Girlfriend.

I think Girlfriend is not actually 100% okay with polyamory, and is doing her best to smother those feelings because she's so fond of Hinge.

In fairness to gf, I am making a lot of assumptions (limitations of tumblr asks and limited information), its still fairly new, and its a really complicated place to be in for her. You're all friends so god only knows what would happen to the dynamic of the friend group if she couldn't make this work. If she breaks up, that makes things really awkward, if she enforces a stricter thing about keeping your lives separate, that makes things really awkward. Basically every move she makes here risks ramifications for her whole (or at least a lot of) her social life, not just her relationship with Hinge (and you).

Based on what you've said, I would be surprised if gf's done the work to confront the reality of what polyamory will look like for y'all and make peace with it. Or renegotiate that reality until its something she can make peace with. I say this because in most healthy dynamics I have seen, it should be expected for a partner to give you attention on your birthday. Girlfriend not being able to handle whatever it was that set her off, to me is proof she wasn't preparing. Now once she was at that junction, gf did the right thing by excusing herself, but I can only imagine how much that killed the vibe. On your birthday 🎂🫤.

So to your questions: "What should I do in a situation like this? Can I even do anything?" I do have some things you could do, but not a lot. The first of which is to ask her wtf that was about (but very gently) assuming its recent enough to do that. I would come at this from a place of confused concern a la "I just wanted to check in with you after the dinner. You seemed really upset and I wasn't sure why. I really wanted you to have a nice time for my birthday".

And then the paths diverge. Maybe she says "it was fun, sorry, it was just hard seeing you laughing with Hinge" but maybe she says "My Aunt just died and I was trying to keep it together and I couldn't". I'm operating off assumptions because I have to. But you don't have to. Confirm that shit one way or another. Then, you have three options

You can ignore it (not recommended).

You can go for a heart-to-heart.

You can ask Hinge to work with gf on this.

For both 2 and 3, you're going to have to have an idea of what's acceptable to you and what isn't. How much (more) are you willing to compromise and realistically able to do? If you're making Hinge the go-between (which might be the good move if you and gf don't really get along!) you will have to lay it all out. Make a whole speech about why you're concerned, what a better for you set-up would look like, how you'd like Hinge to help facilitate that, and how long shit like this is something you're able to handle. Go into it as a problem solving endeavor seeking Hinge's input and support, with the understanding this is for gf's sake too. Talk about a how things would look in a few months. If you do ask Hinge to handle this, you two need to agree on what is reasonable, on what timeframe, and that Hinge will present it to gf as something they're concerned about too so as not to paint you as a snake in Hinge's and gf's garden

Because I only see a few things that can happen

Nothing changes. It goes on like this forever. Its always kinda weird, you probably start dreading inviting her to things for fear of a repeat of your birthday, but you all just kinda grin and bear it and its not ideal but its good enough.

You can separate more. Like, all three of you are never in the same room together. This will likely make things really weird with the friend group! Every group activity will require people to choose whether its you who gets the invite or gf. Friends also have to be on board with not talking about shit you did with Hinge. Hinge will probably have to kind of "live two separate lives." How does that work given that you live with Hinge? haha, good question! It will necessary limit how much time gf has with Hinge, how much time you have with Hinge, and how much free time outside of you two for the rest of his life Hinge has. All this is workable, but it will probably be difficult and kinda weird for a good while.

Girlfriend can pony up. She can go through the gut-wrenching process of desensitizing herself to seeing you two show affection and accept that you are always going to be there, too. I expect you and especially Hinge would do what you can to help her, and there will be benefits, too! but its still just going to be really hard on her for awhile. This can put Hinge in a pinch if your expectations and Girlfriend's aren't lining up, and since this is mostly on her, you don't have as much control.

Someone breaks up with someone. This doesn't need further explanation.

I will now show my ✨ biases✨. I don't know how long Hinge and Girlfriend have been together, but assuming its the full 6 months, and assuming the issue IS she's just not okay seeing you two like each other, ever... personally, that's "push comes to shove" time for me. Are you in or are you out? Is she actually okay with polyamory, or is she forcing herself into something that's making her miserable for love? Y'all's timeframe might look different, but if you don't address this soon, this sounds like shit that could force one of you to a point of ultimatums. Most people need good time to acclimate to polyamory! but if its six months and she is indeed crying about you two briefly holding hands... that's not acclimatization. And maybe you're Built Different💪, but I could not handle a those restrictions with those consequences long term. Personally, I'd sooner die than not be able to hold my partner's hand, so I think you're being very accommodating, and if gf can't handle human slip-ups, that's not on you.

[spiegelgestalt]

I was looking through your re zero reblogs and a tag stood out to me. What do you mean you think Otto is a manifestation of Satella? I’m really intrigued by the concept

Ohh! Thank you for the question. So this is a pet theory of mine which is probably wrong but I find incredibly entertaining. Beware this is going to be long and rambley. The TL;DR is probably: the only person who is as obsessed with Subaru as Otto is, is Satella It tries to explain several things that I find weird about Otto (some of these things might be explained in the LN but Tappeis writing style doesn't click with me and so i'm really slow with reading them) :

a) Ottos sudden entry in Subarus story (and the fact that Subaru always meets him no matter what he does) the first time he meets Otto at a pub because Otto made a financial mistake and drank his sadness away. This one's fairly unsuspicious. The second time is stranger. Subaru is going back to the mansion alone in the darkness and meets Otto on the road. Not only that. Otto is standing near the light and waves. Like he was expecting him. Why? Does he do that often - wave to travelers who are just passing by? But the most suspicious entry is his last/permanent entry to the story - his getting saved from the witch cult. Why did the witch cult kidnapp him an no one else? Why did they plan to sacrifice him? Why wasn't he with the rest of the merchants? Suuuuus!!! This at least hints that Otto might have connections/significance to the witch cult

2) why does the whale eat him and not Subaru? Subaru should have smelled tastier so why did it chose Otto? Maybe because Otto smelled of the witch? And if Otto knew that the Mabeast would go after him it would paint his pushing Subaru of the cart in a different light.

3) he's not in roswaals gospel which even has Subaru in it. How/why? Is it really just because he's so insignificant?

So these things make Otto suspicious but they don't link him to Satella necessarily. So here comes my reason for that

3) Otto's behavior in Season 2 don't make sense. Not only is he ride or die for Subaru very very fast while the other is basically nothing but rude to him. He explains this with Subaru saving him but technically that were the iron fang people and Otto isn't thankful to them at all. And even if that were the case - why is Otto so sure that Subaru needs help? As far as I remember he offers Subaru help in every single time loop, even in the ones where Subaru still believes himself to be on top of things (and shouldn't send sadboy pleas help me vibes)

4) And than there is the speech which will save Subaru. And I find it quite suspicious: a) this speech is suspiciously parallel to Satellas speech in the witches tea party it kinda feels like a continuation of it

b) Otto says that he understands that Subaru wants to be strong in front of the girl he likes and in front of the girl that likes him but he shouldn't have to be strong in front of his friend. So the girl Subaru likes is obv. Emilia but why talk about another girl who likes Subaru... who is that supposed to be? Otto doesn't know about Rem. Does he mean Emilia again? But why say it that strangely - or was he just covering his bases. IDK for me it kinda made sense as a Emilia/Satella distinction (or if Otto DOES know about Rem that makes him really suspicious again)

C) Otto takes it very personally that Subaru didn't ask HIM for help. But why should Subaru do that. He technically knows him for what, a few days?

D) Subaru notes that this kind of speech is usually reserved for the heroine (something he also mentioned about being summoned to another world and we know that was Satella - so is that the case here too?)

5) Otto has a lot of parallels to Subaru/Satella has a lot of parallels to Subaru

So all of this could hint to the fact that Otto is a time traveler and/or has some connection to one of the witches (either Pandora or Satella)

But I like my theory of Otto being a manifestation of Satella because it fits neatly into the theme of the parallels between Satella/ Subaru, it is something Satella would do, the thought that Satella sees Subaru dying over and over again and just says: okay have to do everything myself. If he won't accept help if I'm a woman I gotta go in as a guy is extremely funny to me, I believe that being kinda pathetic is an important property of being associated with envy AND Otto is next to Satella the person who most obsesses over Subaru and only Subaru

And Satella could rewrite history if she needed to (that would explain Otto's memories)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling people I don't care about fandom drama unless it somehow directly involved me? Maybe some people will read this and go "what? No???" And if that's the case I'm gonna be snickering to myself but I digress. I'm a digital artist trying to find my footing in this hellscape of an online environment with tumblr being broken as it is and twitter going down in flames slowly, DeviantArt supporting AI and I don't think I need to go on. For a long, long time I was a fandom artist however and one of the 'bigger' names in a fairly small community. I've 'fell off' as they say because of some beef with people I didn't choose to have but hey, tale as old as time with fandoms am I right? We mess up and move on with our lives. SO YEAH that aside, when you've been through stuff like that and grow up a bit you realize that it was all a pretty stupid waste of time and energy and now I'm in my mid-20s and would really just like to focus on my art. I still make fan art for this specific thing and like make fan art for basically anything I enjoy nowadays and just...spread out my skills more so I got a better portfolio and all that. I'm really just vibing so to speak. Then a while ago I got DMed by someone in my server about some beef they were having with another user in my server. The kicker is that none of said beef was actually taking place in my server but in another server owned by the person DMing me. It's as if you're the manager of a starbucks and the manager from the Burger King across the street comes in like 'Yeah your employee was being shitty in my Burger King so I don't think I'll be going to this StarBucks anymore >:(" Like, what do you want me to do with that information? I can't talk to someone about behavior I didn't even see any damning evidence of and I'm not going to accuse someone of something based on something a stranger said. Somehow this conversation went from me explaining that I'm not about to ban someone or adhere to somebody else's 'blacklist' over things I have seen no proof of, to the stranger DMing me that a lot of people 'are intimidated' by me or that I have them blocked 'for no reason' setting off my paranoia like no other. I had recently dealt with being ghosted by friends who turned around and posted a call-out (with zero evidence mind you, not a single screenshot because they in fact, wiped WHOLE ENTIRE chats as they contained proof of the opposite) and those people stalking me for WEEKS, had to start over fresh and everything. So naturally I didn't like this very much and bluntly stated that if I blocked anyone, it's probably for a good reason and that it's not my problem if that somehow hurt their feelings, I need to look out for my own safety online. I fear I was a little TOO blunt because I did say something along the lines of 'I'm sorry but I do not care, I'm too old for fandom drama not involving me, I'm trying to be professional.' and cut the conversation off because I was exhausted and uncomfortable. I've been told that this was a just a weird and wacky instance and that I didn't do anything wrong, that people who do think I did need to go outside and touch grass and all that but hyea, it stuck with me because I worry that people are badmouthing me behind my back a lot. TL,DR: Got told by a follower that other people in our very small community were scared of me, had them blocked for 'no reason' and that somehow hurt their feelings and that my reputation was apparently decided by what my individual followers behaved like in other servers and spaces because apparently one little spat was enough to have someone threaten to distance themselves from me all-together while I wasn't involved at all. So, I figured if anyone is an expert at these fandom shenanigans, it's gotta be the veterans of the tumblr court.

What are these acronyms?

[raphael-angele]

Ok, so I saw your post about batfam in Pjo cabins. I loved it but I just have one criticism, Jason in either a Dionysus or Apollo kid.

Apollo because:

1. Don't you dare insult his mom in front of him (didn't Apollo kill a whole kingdom because they insulted his mother)

2. His thirst for knowledge, people often forget that Jason genuinely enjoyed school and learning new things (coincidentally Apollo is also the god of knowledge)

3. His fav subject? English (a language, and Apollo is also the god of languages)

Dionysus because of the Theatre kid vibes I get from him

But I would like to know your thought process too!!!

OH MY GOD, YESSSS!!! I'm so glad someone also agrees that Jason is an Apollo's kid. Unfortunately, the post I made was a heat of the moment kind(cuz I haven't done a DC post in a while), and because of that, I didn't take into account that Jason is also an Apollo kid.

I think that he was 100% an Apollo kid before he died but after death, there was all that rage and hate in his character, which led me to sort him into Ares

Let's not forget the fact that Jason was considered to be the most behaved Robin. He wasn't vengeful, he didn't stalk, he didn't kill; this boy just wanted to have a good and normal life without having to worry about anything, but he was drawn a bad hand.

In a world where Jason was raised without the poverty and crime around him, he would have been an Apollo kid. Technicqlly he still is, but do we get enough nedry and dorky Jason? Nooooo. I often headcanon that Jason became a Literature Professor (let's not forget thar Apollo is also the God of Poetry) in a No Capes AU. If not, then Lawyer (story for another time).

I agree that Jason is an Apollo kid with all the nerdiness and dorkiness in him.

Jason being an Ares kid is, I agree, a bit stereotypical for him. However, again, there is more to their characters that wanting to fight and wanting bloodshed.

If you don't already know, Ares is actually one of the most caring parents and respectful in the mythology. Not the series, the MYTHOLOGY. This man never raped, is an amazing father to his children, and is a protector of those who can't protect those who are seen to be not worth protecting. (Idc if the rape thing technically has nothing to do with Jason but it felt like it deserved a mention)

Jason is one of many misunderstood and misconceptualized characters in DC. And both he and Ares are only viewed for their bloodlust and violence. When really, there are so much more to their characters than that and people refuse to see that side of them cuz they want to limit their personality to that certain figure.

TL;DR: I do agree that Jason is an Apollo kid. However, in my personal opinion, it was more in pre-death. After death his Apollo-ness was still there but not as much. I personally think he was more an Ares post-death.

AGAIN, I have never read PJO and I'm basing this on what I already know about the series and about the mythology

[grimbluesins]

din djarin shouldn’t be in a relationship

and here’s why

————

i’m just gonna put it out there: i think bo-katan/din djarin shippers are reaching.

they’re basically never intimate beyond good friends in the show? i literally saw a tiktok saying how bo was concerned about djarin when he was first going to help nevarro in the pirate raid and how that was cute. like romance-cute.

that’s also just friend things.

the other part was just them sitting with their arms touching.

jesus christ. PLEASE chill out allos for once oh my god.

also read an article about how djarin, bo, and the armorer would be a cool power throuple. now idk but that seems kinda weird.

the armorer is more like an… almost motherly figure to djarin. she’s likely way older than him (based on context clues from the show, i’d guess her age to be in her early-mid 60s), and again, BO IS MORE LIKE A FRIEND. bo and the armorer? i can see that, sure. but din has the vibe of a teenager compared to those two very jaded (and older) women. idk i think it would be kind of weird. i much enjoy him being a single dad running around the galaxy with his wizard goblin toddler.

the only piece of evidence actually supporting this is the “these are the reasons i serve you lady kryze” quote. but again, that definitely feels really disconnected from romance. the way he said it was no different from basically any other line, leading me to believe he literally just wants to help her as a friend. bo’s got a whole new planet to rebuild and rule after all.

as an aro-ace dude myself, i really enjoy good ships. but fans need to learn to leave some characters alone. smh. can we have this ONE GUY PLEASE.

often times, i will hc a certain character as aro-ace (shadow the hedgehog, batman, and gray fullbuster come to mind) but still enjoy a certain pairing. din djarin is one of the few characters who i absolutely do not want to see in a romantic or sexual relationship.

so, allo fans: i understand the ship zone. but please leave some guys alone for the sanity of your aspec friends.

not to mention, in the finale, he literally was just a single dad watching over his kid playing in the yard. he never ended up with anyone. not bo, not the armorer, not luke or boba, nobody. it was just him and his silly wizard goblin toddler. as it should be. stop forcing allonormativity on everything.

tl;dr, leave din djarin to the aspecs.

🧡💛🤍🩵💙 🖤🩶🤍💜 💚💛🤍🩶🖤

[coinandcandle]

How do oracle?? I've tried but I can't get the hang of it. Tarot is much easier to me but I have an oracle deck and I don't understand how to use it. It's just slightly different enough that it boggles me

Hello! Tbh I would argue that it's quite different than tarot!

Across decks tarot is going to have basically the same meanings because it was made to be that way. It started out as a game, so there needed to be rules. Only later did it turn into a form of divination. Yes it changes based on the reader's personal style and beliefs but ultimately they all have a similar meaning regardless of what deck you're using.

Oracle, however, is not so uniform. Each deck (by which I mean decks by different creators) is going to be unique. The imagery, vibes, and definitions are going to be different.

For some people it helps to use the oracle cards in conjunction with tarot. This wasn't the case for me, I had to use them separately until I learned my oracle cards better.

So my biggest tip is: don't read oracle like you read tarot.

Often times oracle decks try to tell you what you need to know in the way a helpful wizard in a hero's story does: they don't tell you straight up, they use story telling elements like similies, metaphores, etc.

Some decks may give you a straight answer, of course, but plenty rely on fairy tale style lessons. Teaching you how to find the answer yourself rather than just giving it to you.

✨ Put down the guide book and pick up the vibes. Sometimes the guide books that come with oracle decks don't have enough information on them or they definitions don't necessarily click well with the vibe you pick up from the card.

-> Sit down with your deck and come up with the meanings you prescribe to them.

✨ Coast on pure intuition, babeyyy. Not really, you'll be using your intuition as well as the imagery, title, number, etc of the card. Some cards meanings will change based on the question asked or situation divined. It's your job to sift through the various meanings and find what fits to your reading. This doesn't mean "pick the answer you want", though.

->Use your intuition (aka that feeling you get deep in your bones or soul when you know something but you're not sure how you know it) and find the meaning.

✨ Try a different deck. Some oracle decks just don't click, especially if you're brand new at it. So use another deck if possible.

TL;DR

Treat reading oracle decks as if you're learning an entirely new divination system--cuz you are! Start from the beginning and leave any ideas of tarot at the door for now.

[yakuzabrainrotlive]

Couldn't play Y4 today because I was studying and taking care of irl stuff, so I'll just write my Akiyama first impressions post now, as promised! I've played up to the first cutscene with "Lily".

This was supposed to be, like, a surface-level thing where I kinda guess stuff and do some basic observations, but according to Microsoft Word I got... around 1200+ words deep. So yeah. Good for you guys who like to read my rablings that I didn't take my meds today! But also... this IS my unmedicated self's ramblings, written at 10-11pm so... (attempt to) read at your own peril!

For those of you who want the short version, TL;DR is provided (and highly recommended) at the bottom!

So, Akiyama! What a guy.

-He's low-energy and has trouble taking care of himself, his work and his surroundings (laid-back or depressed? maybe it's a little bit of both - as a treat. Maybe executive dysfunction?). This is clear in how messy his office is, how Hana reminds him to eat and brought him lunch (implying he regularly forgets to, or just doesn't eat), and how it seems to be a common occurence that she has to encourage him to do his work. And yet, despite the chill vibes and slow pace he keeps, he manages to also be chaotic in the way that he's unpredictable to those around him, in terms of his business strategy, and in how he makes quick decisions on the spot – ones that don’t make sense to people around him, based on what they (think) they know about him.

-In front of most people, Akiyama pretends to be all laid-back and just this… guy who just does his own thing because he’s quirky and doesn’t care, but he's not fooling me at all; he cares, and he cares a lot. About many people. He's literally looking after the homeless in town - so much so that they feel safe enough to let him into their space to have a chat and drink with them, and ask him for things.

^This is probably no small feat, considering how the homeless are treated in Kamurocho (there's literally groups who hunt them for shits and giggles) and how uncertain things are for them in general in that area. They seemed genuinely happy to see Akiyama.

-Now, an argument could be made that he's doing it for his own benefit: having the homeless population on your side can be an advantage (for example: the Florist used them for discreet info gathering), but... I don't see it. I think it’s because he’s been there and he feels a great amount of empathy for them. Now. Why do I think he wants to have a mask of indifference in the first place? Well, to put it simply - shit’s dangerous. He has enemies in the money lending industry, which probably includes numerous Yakuza groups too. Can’t be caught caring, y’know. Both for his sake, and theirs.

-And so. We get to the neon yellow elephant in the room that has to be addressed; the way he handles his loans. I think Akiyama only takes on clients who he sees as either A: having the potential to make it big - the ones he can later maybe benefit from, or who he simply sees as benefitting from his loans the most, or B: - heavily speculating here - good? (decent?) people who are down on their luck. Ones who, he thinks, deserve a second chance, people who don't have anyone else to ask for help. If he was in the business for money and other benefits alone, he’d be charging interest out the ass like all the others, but he doesn’t. He merely tests people to make sure they don’t grab the money and leave the country, or waste it and never pay him back. He wants to see these people succeed – at least the ones he thinks will use the money to get back on their feet or to become successful, that is. People who could be more, who could FLOURISH, had they some extra help from outside. The tests including stuff like volunteering and caring for the elderly further point to a possible more altruistic side to his business.

He can't just go giving money out - he'd go out of business very fast. So he lends, with no interest. Just a test of trustworthiness, and terms that he finds will give him some benefit back, as well. He is running a business here, so him wanting to get something back from the customers instead of them paying interest is fair. Terms will also motivate the lendees keep themselves on the right track AND probably ward off the worst of the bunch, the ones looking for the easiest, quickest money they can get.

-People genuinely think Akiyama is weird - crazy, even - because of how he runs his business, and he seems totally fine with that. Which further makes me believe he’s purposefully built up this a mask of an uncaring and sort of ...unhinged man. He could explain himself and openly state the goals he has for the clients to dispel this negative, 'crazy person' image people have of him. But... that’d just be suicide; he’d openly admit to competitors/enemies that he has people he cares about and that he wants to see his lendees succeed. That’d be like ASKING for extortion and for terrible things to happen to the people who have visited his business in the past or who will do so in the future.

-He's good at keeping his cards close to his chest, too: in one cutscene people wonder why lendees don't ever lend from him twice. And what's the answer to the question that we hear? Something to the effect of "I don't know. They probably wanna avoid interacting with that nutjob ever again". People have NO idea why he does things the way he does. They know he lends money to people he sees as having potential to succeed in the future, but they don't even consider the possibility that some lendees he's simply helping get back on their feet.

-As for his goals? No clue! Besides keeping the business running, I don’t feel like I have enough information on him to parse any long-term goals out of this guy. Maybe keeping Kamurocho as chill as it can be? To prevent unnecessary bloodshed? He did go out out of his way to settle the dispute between the… the uhh… *has to google the name* the Kanemura peeps and Ueno to prevent escalation of the situation? But then again, Arai seems to have been a long-time friend, so maybe it was just to make things easier for him? As of now, he doesn’t feel particularly ambitious.

As for speculation on his background? Since my facial memory (even for fictional characters) is total garbage, I’m not 100 % sure, but I think maybe he was in the photograph that was in his drawer? He seemed quite well-off in that one. So how does he end up homeless? I feel like he either joined the yakuza and the family he joined disbanded, leaving him with nothing. OR he suffered a career- or family-related setback that landed him on the streets? Him being ex-yakuza would make sense since he seems to be quite informed on all the relevant lore and relations between families. But he also DOES work quite close to the... darker side of things with his business being what it is. But... he also fights very well. We’ll see! Maybe they explained it aready? If they did, am sorry! I was playing the game too late into the night so I was kinda eepy towards the end. Gonna re-watch the cutscenes from late chapter 1 and early chapter 2 when I keep playing.

Now, any relation to characters from previous games I wanna speculate on? I don’t see any real reason to think he knows Kiryu; he only referred to him with his DoD moniker and didn’t seem too interested or thoughtful about it. It was just him referring to a famous person. Majima? Don’t see it either. Anyone else? I don’t really have any reason to think he knows anyone from the past games as of now.

TL;DR:

According to my, at-times very faulty, sensors that are prone to overcooking:

Akiyama is a kind person trying to give others the second chance they deserve (as he himself got), while also trying to disguise himself as a chronic IDGAFer at the same time because he has enemies. He's a kind man living in a world that tears people like him apart.

Mans is probably depressed or at least suffers from executive dysfunction or like... low blood iron levels, based on how low-energy he is and how little he seems to look after himself and his office, and how he seems to have a tendency to… go at his own pace at work. Hana keeps (or at least tries to keep) him functional - or that’s what it seems like, at least.

He probably offers loans based on if he thinks lendees will get back on their feet, or if the loan will make them flourish business-wise.

Ended up homeless, maybe because he was ex-yakuza or because of a setback in a civilian career or family life.

Can’t say how he ties to characters from previous games, or if he even does at all. Besides Nishiki unknowingly acting as form of divine monetary intervention, that is.

[dicenote]

12, 13, 14, 15, 21 & 22 for the character ask for Matsuda. :)

Yayyyy thank you for the ask!! :D

Get ready because I feel like I'm gonna write an essay and a half about The Guy

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

Oh geez, I feel like I have so many. How can I pick one?

A random one is that Matsu is the kind of guy to like lying on his bedroom floor. Like, if he had a rough day? Floor Time. He's contemplated so many things while staring at his ceiling. It really helps him feel grounded; when his brain is screaming at him to Do Something, it can help to just lay down and think through stuff.

13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?

@lawlietscaramels sometimes uses 🦆 for Matsuda, so that emoji now reminds me of him. I keep forgetting to ask lei why they chose a duck, but it feels weirdly fitting haha. Matsuda's just a duck kind of guy, I suppose.

Matsuda seems like he'd use emoticons as punctuation. Stuff like :D and :'( help get his point across in messages when his tone might be read incorrectly (especially when he's messaging someone who can't read sarcasm in an email, Ide). If he's feeling a little extra (and/or texting Misa) he'll use over-the-top emoticons like ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆ because he finds them fun and silly! Also, I think he'd do 😔 a lot, both irl and over the internet.

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

I don't know the right word for it, but you know the aesthetic of, like, a bowling alley carpet? That's how his vibes are too me. Like, he's casual and fun, and I associate him with dark tones offset by bright neons.

As far as how he'd actually dress (outside of what we see in canon, where he's wearing a suit 99% of the time), I feel like it'd be kinda close to goblincore? This is kinda based on me googling and poking around sites, so I might be off with this 😅 I do think he'd love a chunky earth-tone sweater and corduroys, though. Something cozy and casual, you know?

15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

hnnnngh why do you have to do this to me /lh I'm gonna talk about a few of them because I can't help myself they're all so good.

I love so many for different reasons! I think my favorite right now is probably MatsuIde, because I really enjoy their dynamic and banter. Also there's so much hurt/comfort potential with these two post-Kira. I feel like, after everything's happened, they have this connection to each other because they feel like no one else can really understand what those 5 years were like. This is true for the entire Task Force (and I like AizaMatsu for similar reasons), but with MatsuIde it just hits different, you know? Maybe it's because they spend so much time together onscreen (on panel?).

LawTsuda is probably my favorite ship for the first half of the manga/anime. Emotional intelligence vs. Logical intelligence is a ship dynamic that I fall for every single time, and Matsu and L have those respective traits in spades.

I also am a Canon One-Sided MatsuLight truther, lmao. Matsuda having a crush on Light feels so right but so wrong, and it really helps put parts of the second half into context. Like, Matsuda shooting Light hits so much harder that way, idk. Imagining a world where this ship is healthy is difficult but I find their dynamic so so interesting. Matsuda you deserve so much better but I can't help myself sorry.

TL;DR- MatsuIde is probably my fav overall, LawTsuda is my fav for the first half, MatsuLight is the crunchiest.

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

My answer to both questions has to do with writing his impulsivity. His priorities differ a lot from other characters, and that changes what details he pays attention to and how he reacts to information. It also means that he's going to act irrationally in the name of Doing Something. Which is fun to play with! In chapters 9 and 10 of Weekend At Ryuzaki's, for example, I was trying to give off the idea that Matsuda is being quickly backed into a corner, which causes him to make a lot more mistakes and hasty decisions.

But on the other hand, writing an unpredictable character acting unpredictably while also making it satisfying and interesting to read is really hard. Like, I don't want him to seem like he's randomly bullshitting his way to answers that move the plot along. He has reasons for doing things in the heat of the moment, even if his reasons aren't exactly logical.

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

I like to read just about anything with the "Matsuda Touta is Not an Idiot" tag, lol. Because he's not, really. Sure, he acts without thinking sometimes, and his thought process is very different from L's and Light's, but he's not an idiot. I like fics where he solves or helps solve the Kira murders, but his line of logic is different than the one used by L/Near in canon.

It's really hard to think of things in fic I don't like, to be honest! I guess one would be the Matsuda/Sayu pairing. I just find it kinda icky given that one scene in canon with them together. If they are both older, and it's a small part of an otherwise compelling fic, I can usually forgive it, though.

[polychromatiica]

i love ur art sm!! ur such an inspiration 💌💌how do you choose your palettes? the colors you use have always catched my eye

thank you so much!!!

For the colours, I don't know what to suggest if you do traditional art as I'm not very skilled in that but if you're a fellow digital artist I can try!!

pretty long post coming up, btw I do need to preface I'm just a student and not a professional, so take this all with a grain of salt especially if i get technical at all

TL;DR (too long didnt read): i use a green and or orange multiply layer, i try to give everything a dark green-orange undertone, focus on how certain colours look when next to each other and how they can appear completely different

also also its late and im tired so i apologise for any mistakes

i usually start by doing colours that generally match the character im drawing, then i just kinda go wild with altering them, ive learnt to pick them on my own through practice but a lot of the time and starting out i simply mess around with "blending modes". It'd be difficult to explain all of them and they may differ from software to software but my favourite one is "Multiply" (which should be on most softwares, hopefully!)

now, what you do with these depends on what sort of vibe youre going for, I like warm colours, I don't really know how to describe my art, but I like it to be saturated yet dark.. if that makes any sense lmao

gonna use this random doodle of emma to explain what i mean. on my phone rn so its not,, very good but itll do haha

so, i started by getting roughly similar colours to what she has. colourpicking from official art is always an option too, if youre drawing an oc then just figure out the general "local colour" (flat colours unaffected by lighting) you want the character to have and put them down, my art switches from being desaturated and saturated a lot depending on the vibe im goung for, for the more saturated art I'm gonna add a clipping layer of this solid bright yellowy green olivey colour in this example (the colour you use changes the atmosphere of it a lot, i usually use green or orange because i really like the look it gives, i love dark and warm tones)

clipping is a feature a lot of art softwares should have, for this im using ibis paint x, i usually use clip studio paint, others will have it and blending modes too, it lets you create a new layer and "clip" it to the one below, anything you draw on the clipped layer will only show up on space that has been drawn on the layer below (but you can hide/delete anything on this layer and it won't effect the original layer!)

next im gonna use the multiply feature,

"keeps only the darker colors of the blend layer and makes light colors less opaque. The resulting color is always darker, except for where it's pure white" (taken from a website called sketch) dunno how much the specifics of its affects change between different softwares, but the way I view it is always "makes base colours darker, and adds a tint of whatever colour you selected"

the result from doing that is this! this gives a sorta green tone, you can play with the opacity to change the intensity. this is a really simple trick to get cool looking colours, and the more I've used it and paid attention to what specific colours i get from doing it. for these saturated pieces ive noticed that depending on how much I tinted the piece any colours that would for example be white (like the hair frederick has in this drawing) is actually straight up yellow/orange

i have some art thats a little less saturated/a bit darker than this though, but its a pretty similar process! you can see the white of their shirts are actually again a dark desaturated yellow/orange, now you may notice it looks a little green at first, that is another thing to keep in mind

colours can trick your eyes a lot! and you can use this to your advantage very well, I'm not well versed enough in colour theory to explain the exact specifics on how this happens, but basically depending on the colours surrounding it, certain colours can appear completely different

another example is normans waistcoat in this drawing, you probably see that and think "thats blue" but nope, somehow, its actually a very very desaturated yellow! grey can appear as blue a lot ive noticed

if we isolated that grey/yellow colour you can see it is in fact grey, but it looks blue in the whole drawing!

whilst obviously theres nothing wrong with making a drawing of a character where things like blue actually are blue or a white/grey is actually white/grey, in the style of art I do i personally enjoy limiting the amount of colours used and using certain tricks to make it look like theres more variation in hues than there actually is, i like how cohesive it makes the artwork look :)

heres another example of what multiply can do with a few different colours, its best to learn to colour without it, i see multiply (and other blending modes! theres a lot of them) like training wheels, its not cheating to use them, its just a little boost to help you start out, and you can go a lot further in developing your understanding of colour if you try and learn to colour without it :D

[jack-kellys]

west end question: i obviously love my brooklyn girls and would die for them all, but is it bad that it’s taken away the sprace dynamic for me? like i’m still 100% on board with a nowhere near canon ship and it shouldn’t affect me they’ve decided to have spot be a girl, but it lowkey has? and i feel kinda guilty about it? idk i love my proshot boys. but i am 100% here for all the uk newsies cast they are amazing and so talented and it’s definitely my favourite production by far!! idk if i’m making sense

ok part of me feels a litle baited actually because like. i feel like... im vocal abt mlm musical sprace not being a big vibe for me in the first place. so im a funny person to ask if you were looking for relief lmao. anyway here's my thesis below.

wait also if ur a white newsie fan a read-thru+rb of this would be much appreciated thank youuu (also yall have been eating up my character analyses anyway sooooo!)

TL;DR THESIS: if you're feeling genuinely let down that your ship did not see the light of day and a black girlsie spot conlon got to instead, then yes, you should reevaluate that.

followers, if you've been with me long enough, you know that i have quite strong opinions about how this show gets treated when it comes to interpretations and fandom/fanon. mostly, this is because i literally work in theater, and it's extremely backwards in my brain personally when shows get treated more like a movie or tv show than a performance piece.

im also one of the only ppl in this fandom that ever seems to dare speak on race (not the damn character smh). and anon, buddy, kiddo, this does have to do with race, gender, and sexuality.

firstly, what i think needs to be understood about newsies, is that it is theater, which means it is meant to be mutable. there is no one way. there should never be one way. it does not exist. secondly, theater does not exist in a fandom vacuum. its live every night, conceptually. theater is a live performance art.

interpretations change- it's the nature of theater. so i think asks like these really do illuminate the difference between fans of the show's content or fans of... i guess the show's culture's content.

this is a culture content ask.

one thing i really, truly, deeply need you all to understand: from an objective, script- and staging-based perspective, proshot sprace does not exist. they do not speak. they barely see each other. race does not even volunteer to go to brooklyn. the ship originates from the 1992 movie, where they do actually interact, which is why the ship has prevailed through the 90s to today. they're from the movie, not the musical.

of course, this doesn't bash the ship- it has history, and naturally fans want to create new history when they get a new source material (the musical). it's true for like every newsie ship lowkey (but also not lowkey because all the manhattan newsies do interact and sprace literally does not but thats a different post!!), which is something i do admire about the fandom- we do a lot of our own legwork here, we invent relationships and backgrounds from one-liners that could be given to tbh any frickin newsie. i respect the 30 years we have invented ships.

however.

when a huge, publicized, consistently sold out production comes along with spot conlon as not only a woman, but a woman of color (specifically black rn!) as the leader of the most feared group on stage, there becomes something much more important than a "sprace dynamic", which does not canonically exist in the musical anyway bro. you can't miss something that isn't there imo. often the story and casting within a story comes first, and goddamn if this isn't one of those times. lillie-pearl's spot brings bravado, swagger, confidence, and intimidation that is literally....fine maybe i'm being personal but it is slash gen incredible to see in technically a period piece! a black woman in leadership with that kind of assuredness! in such a popular musical! how is that not– automatically surpassing an often obsessed-over (yes i am. hinting at something here, straight girl fans) mlm ship?

and while i'm on the topic of the over-obsessiveness of mlm musical sprace, let me talk about uksies sprace. because what's also wack abt this ask is that sprace is not a hopeless case in this production- it literally has about as much 'evidence' as the proshot imo!!!!!

i got to hop over to 2nd row brooklyn seating for act 2 so i saw once and for all really close up, right. there's a moment when race is upstage letting the newsies in/down from the stairs. spot comes down and she does, in fact, share a look with him. race gives spot a nod and she keeps moving.

and like im gonna see the show again (every day i am counting my mf blessings fr), so if i'm wrong or they don't do it every time i'll correct myself, but that's what i saw with my own dang eyes on saturday. they do acknowledge each other in uksies.

and since they do, i really like. i have to ask. what is bothersome/unpopular abt uksies sprace, other than oh idk.... its not white/white mlm with a twink/manly bf trope? why can't race still love who spot is as a character, this strong and fearless ruler of brooklyn, in uksies? because tbh josh's racer...nahhhh because. this is such a side note now but they'd be so good together oh jesus am i gonna ship uk sprace. and it's not like they're 'taking away' from a queer ship because a) you can headcanon spot as a queer girl and race being trans is consistently popular and b) newsies has ten billion gayass ships bro we've been eatin for literal decades.

anon, i'm sure you didn't mean harm by this ask. i'm sure, honestly, that a lot of fans are feeling the same way as you and weren't quite sure how to put it in words. but, i'm also not surprised you sent an ask like this on anonymous specifically.

should you feel guilty about it? i don't think guilt is the right word. but i believe you should think more about how newsies is not.....static. it does not exist in one form, and it never will. if you're feeling genuinely let down that your ship did not see the light of day and a black girlsie spot conlon got to instead, then yes, you should reevaluate that. in theater, you should always question why something impacted you the way it did- a major point of theater is to discuss and think about it when you leave! i know this because ive spent three years literally studying it, to back up my thesis credentials.

thank you for reading this, newsies fandom. i do honestly say all this with love, and i hope it made u think !! ♥️

[midnakoopa]

How did you come up with the names for your weed cats?

I actually have a couple reblogs where I go into that, if you've got time to read me rambling about largely nonsense.

TL;DR- I like the 4 syllable names that sound like "____a____o", and named a lot of them that way based on train of thought. Otherwise, it's nonsense and references and regular words. All vibes-based.

[greencloakedfae]

Nell Shirt Recreation: Cuffs

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

The tl;dr:

Mistake Fix

Okay so, mistake fix time! In part 2 I fully forgot to leave an opening in the sleeves at the end the cuffs will attach. Uh, hopefully youre reading this while series of posts before attempting the shirt so you don't do the same.

Also, at this stage the collar should be attached, so take the time now to put the shirt on and make sure your sleeves are sitting at a length that is about where you want it, but a bit higher up to account for added length when we attach the cuff. I also forgot to do this (sewing with unmedicated adhd is a very clear indicator of my lack of measure twice, cut once skill).

But, to fix all this, I measured and unpick the seam a few inches down, lowkey based on vibes of where I felt it matched my reference photos,

I did three inches, but I honestly shouldve made it a bit longer.

From there, iron your fabric so it sits flat and is easier to resew, and then roll and fell both edges.

It doesn't have to be pretty where the seama meet also, cause the next step is to add reinforment to this spot, as it'll take a bit of strain with everyday wear and is a bit prone to ripping without it.

Cut out four squares from your fabric, about 3cms in size, fold the edges under and fell to the inside and outside over where the seam splits. It should match on both sides.

The Cuff

Also apparently I forgot to take photos of the cuff prep, despite redoing this step once I realised I cut the original cuffs too small. Also a note, I say 13cm in the pattern for the height of the cuff but honestly this could be brought down to about 10cm to be a more accurate size.

The cuff pieces are just folded in half and ironed flat, and then the two short edges are sewn. Flip them right side out, and iron again.

I didn't take photos of the next step, cause I was lazy and thought that I had taken pictures from attaching the collar,,, which I hadn't. But, attach in the same manner as the collar, and reference the videos from the previous part for help if you get stuck.

After all that, you'll get two sleeve cuffs that look like this (with a sneak peak for the next part):

[owlf45]

hi, i really hope you don't mind me asking this, but i love candor and i absolutely love seeing author behind-the-scenes stuff, so i was wondering if we could maybe hear more about how the original premise of candor changed to what it is today? it seems like it was originally very different. it'd also be so cool seeing how you outlined candor (if you did?), because seeing how other ppl do it is so so interesting, esp when you're a writer yourself

if you don't want to though, it's no trouble. i hope you have a wonderful day!

i finished typing the og idea up and it goddamn forever so the tl;dr is, it was the same simulation idea but with more contrived rules, ending with izuku outsmarting a bastard vestige afo. the long version is underneath the read more section. it should be a heading, its also underneath all the outline bullshit.. which, speaking of:

okay. so. how did i outline candor.

truthfully, i had a rough outline that i just. had in the original document and that i deleted + added to as i continued writing. which is partially why it spiralled out of control, because i just kept adding more stuff. my outline was very vibe based. at the top of my outline i had a rough direction of how i wanted to go through the holders, like so:

Sixth → Second → Sixth → Fifth → Seventh → Fourth → First → loop between death a few times → Third → Nine

and then i had important scene outlined underneath that describe how it jumped from one holder to another (for example, fourth and first had interconnected themes of isolation, so i could easily jump from fourth's loneliness to first's vault scenes). the beginning, the thread of which ofa users i was moving through, and the ending was the most outlined and concrete things i had planned. everything else was just. vibes. me vibing. me going insane. what motifs i wanted to express and what lessons i wanted the holders to teach izuku, basically.

obviously i changed a lot because my outline was very superfluous. much of what i outlined in the beginning changed, although the ending remained a constant goal in my mind, so i wasn't all that concerned.

here's a (snippet) of an active outline i still had 110 pages into the project:

OUTLINE BULLSHIT

Sixth → Second → Sixth → Fifth → Seventh → Fourth → First → loop between death a few times → Third → Nine 

���Boss said it himself”-- “his quirk doesn’t react well to people who pry where they don’t belong” 

Izuku experiences all the holders’ deaths

SECONDS DEATH PLS PLS PLS 

Cycling through all the quirks 

Smile motif 

Idealism 

Bullet bounces, bounces, bounces

Sixth meets up with them, asks if he’s okay

They see the event where workplace discrimination is outlawed based on mutant quirks

Someone hugs Izuku and is so happy that they cry 

Screaming and hollering for pure happiness 

Cheering and singing 

Katsuki as a kid (very cute, very small) 

Monoma asking if the projection is necessary

All the suits in the wash

Underground heroes were their own thing, had their own hero gestures not even the Commission could crack. Not always legal, blurred the lines, played the bigger picture so they could get shit done 

Commission hated them bc they knew everything. If they tried to not pass a bill protecting heroes, the undergrounders knew immediately. Had a underground hero family-sys, anyone too competitive/recluse/sellout would be excluded from information networks and could fail/die (created a culture of very loyal, buddy system, etc of heroes) 

Ofa not helping as much bc theres a villain fight 

Your quirk will blow off your own limbs if you tried to use it right now 

When’s the first time you used it??

The entrance exam 

“I  predict in a few holders… it’ll kill them within just 3 or 4 years. Having the quirk, I mean”

Youve had your quirk for two weeks and all of your classmates have had them for 10 years

You need to catch up

Everyone is stronger than you right now

You have maybe two years before All For One comes for you 

He doesn’t know you have OFA now but he will soon 

He’s like a child using his quirk for the first time

Broke all the bones in your body… you wont ever have function of your hands the same way

“Performance is abysmal..”

Monoma: “Lucky, you have a strength quirk! I’m sure you’ve always been loved and supported! Could you imagine having a quirk society actually hates…?” 

Shinsou: “You don’t know what it’s like to be hated for something you don’t have any control over” 

Sixth saying “Hopefully in a next life I’ll get another strength quirk instead” 

“We need stronger quirks. Quirks that can overpower All For One” 

Scene where Izuku stumbles into a park, it’s calm, and a younger Katsuki is staring at him 

“A hero?” Katsuki is barely 5 when he looks at Izuku. “Don’t make me laugh. You’re just a quirkless Deku.” 

Garaki: “It’s because of the double joint, you see. It’s a common marker for those who are quirkless.” 

Mom: “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“Quirkless statistics say that less likely to be hired, more likely to commit suicide, etc.” 

“I don’t think it’s discriminatory, I think it just makes sense. I mean, if you have a choice between identical candidates and one’s quirkless and one whos made of slime that smells like shit, I’m going to choose the guy who makes the office a little more interesting! It’s not that deep!” 

“We’ve become a eugenecist society where we want to hide or villainize quirks that aren’t ‘good’, and we want the quirkless to disappear entirely” 

Slime Villain slowly chokes him out, makes him lose his consciousness slowly 

Mom’s “I’m sorry, I’m sorry” 

His advisor’s glazed eyes skim across the page. When he reaches the bottom, the man looks up at Izuku. “You understand why this isn’t rational, Midoriya,” the man says. “Heroism is a very dangerous field. It’s impossible if you’re quirkless.” “I—” Izuku stutters out. His advisor pushes his glasses higher up his face and crumples the piece of paper in his hand. Izuku watches as his words and dreams get smashed and curled. The advisor throws it into the trash by his desk. Izuku stares at the pink crumpled ball. The man reaches across his desk to pull out a fresh slip of paper and a simple black pen. He slides both in front of where Izuku sits. “We still have a few minutes,” the man says tiredly. “Write something more realistic down. Like, I don’t know… a librarian? You like reading, don’t you?” 

“Be realistic” 

“A hero? You can’t just be a hero because you like them. Just because you know every fact about them, isn’t going to make you suddenly strong enough” 

“Strong? Deku? Don’t make me laugh”

Izuku applying to UA scene, classroom laughing/Katsuki bullying scene 

“Hey, I’ve got a good idea… why don’t you just take a swan dive off a roof” 

“Can you become a hero…? No, I don’t think so” - All Might 

Youll just get murdered by the time you master your quirk

Everyone’s ahead

“This is your starting line!”

Jeez, he’s like a toddler with his quirk

You have to catch up

“Poor little useless Deku, crying again like a baby”

Youll die in two years

You’re not ready

Screaming

He has all that power and none of the skill. He doesn’t even have his own quirk. He’s wasting every opportunity he has 

He’s the Ninth one and he’s the least prepared out of all of us

He’s the last one and when he screws up, this entire legacy is gone! All our efforts go to waste! 

“You’re lucky. You’ve never had to understand what it’s like to have a quirk that turns everyone against you” 

You’ll never be enough

The heat on his shoulders grows to be unbearable 

The voices stop as Izuku stands behind his desk, which has his hero name carved into the wood 

Trying to remember who Deku is to him

“You’re Nine,” the man says. “You’re safe. You’re grounded. These are not your memories. We can leave at any time.” 

Izuku just stares frozen at it for several minutes

When he sits beneath the desk, he has to stop himself from crying 

He reminds himself what his other classmates have been through like Iida losing his brother to remember that its just words 

He finally croaks out: 

“I’m trying. I’m trying. Isn’t that enough?” 

Rubs his face, stands up, hollowly goes back through memories 

Goes thru all the memories back and forth, sticks thru All Might telling him he can be a hero to gain some courage

Gets back to the scene where All Might said he couldnt when it finally clicks 

“Oh, duh” 

“Oh, duh” 

“Oh,” Izuku says. “Duh.” Take a swan dive off a roof. 

The reason why he started as Sixth’s memory. If he got it from the start he could’ve avoided it all 

When he realizes it, the other holders all arrive and try to stall. Izuku reveals that he knows what he has to do, but he says that they’re not going to like it 

Gives them all whiteboards 

Wakes up in a safehouse with a kettle and sticky note explaining what’s going on 

As you can see, there's a lot going on here. A lot changed, a lot was scrapped. You have some developed scenes and some one-off. The important part was getting a string that connected these in a way that felt natural, eventually culminating into Izuku's breaking point.

this is a very, very small chunk of what the outline was altogether at all stages of the project. but its a good representation of what i put together for each user. this is a very izuku-heavy section. the odds and ends were parts i wanted to go back and add at a later time when i thought of them. manyyyy of the scenes i wrote for earlier chapters were written when i was much further into the fic. i just kept thinking of new things to add.

OG CANDOR IDEA

okay. so basically the og idea was the same: mental simulation, involved the school, blah blah, except Izuku actually remembered he was in a simulation. In the og idea, it was All For One that took control of the simulation and dragged Izuku into the mental vault, basically trapping him away from where the other holders could reach him. The simulation worked the same as in the final version, so that Izuku had to 'complete' a certain objective. AFO took advantage of this by defining the objectives himself, and Izuku accepted those objectives as truth, forcing the simulation to basically.. warp around that contract?

The objectives were this: there were nine cups izuku could drink from, the eighth one was full of medicine, and drinking from the ninth cup would let him escape the simulation at any time. while he drank from each of the other eight cups, the ninth cup would fill proportionally (it was a much taller glass than the other ones), and if it overflowed, the whole simulation would restart. finally, one vestige had to die.

Izuku couldn't see the 'shadowed figure' who was explaining the simulation's rules to him, so izuku didn't know it was All For One. (The fic started with him waking up, sitting a table with nine cups and a shadowed figure across from him.) The first seven cups held the memories of the seven dead OFA holders. as izuku drank from the cups, he would see their memories. however, the 'liquid' in each of the cups was basically a mental poison. so izuku was poisoning himself more and more in different ways, but he couldn't stop drinking from the cups unless he wanted one of the vestiges to die.

in between drinks, izuku basically unraveled the mystery of his 'guest' (which he eventually figured out was afo), and the people he was saving (the ofa vestiges), and where he was located (the mental vault in ofa). it would constantly reference izuku's (the ninth) cup, which was filling up higher and higher, and it also eventually referenced how the ofa holders in the simulation were trying to break open the vault door.

eventually, izuku clears the first seven cups, and he's about to try and stave off the 'poison' that's killing him w/ toshinori's (medicine/eighth) cup. However, at this point AFO relishes in pointing out the 'final decision' he's forced to make:

if izuku drinks from the eighth cup to cure the poison, he'll cause the ninth cup to overflow at this point, restarting the whole simulation.

if izuku drinks the ninth cup, the condition 'a vestige must die' wouldn't be fulfilled, so the simulation would reset.

if izuku did nothing, the poison would kill him

So basically, izuku was going to be stuck in a constant loop of resetting until he gave up and let himself die

but! alas! izuku outsmarts afo because it never said how or which vestige had to die. so izuku goes off the fucking rails bc at this point, the ninth cup has all seven different poisons from the first seven cups, so he throws it on afo and bam! fight scene! and then he kills afo's vestige within ofa, escapes the vault just as the other ofa holders burst into the vault, and then he wakes up in a cold sweat in the gym at UA to all of his classmates being like "what the fuk!"

anyway. aha. there you go. if you were wondering why it took so damn long to answer this... this is why. hope this sated ur curiosity!

[fideidefenswhore]

Hi! I understand if you don't feel like sharing it ,but i really would like to read your meta about that Henry/Anne scene in BSR ''Isn't that enough?''. I hope you have a nice day.

"is it enough for you?" , but yes, i actually elaborated on this a little more elsewhere in other tags because i used that shot of that scene again for another edit.

so, expanding where i left off:

the images chosen are more the vibe for the quotes but the one from BSR is very specific

it's a great scene and it's so well-acted bcus she feels BAD for him here.

she pities him. she feels bad for him because he's losing her bcs she's not going to settle for these terms

because she knows she's amazing

and she's so self-posessed in the scene

and he cannot handle this and so it manifests in the reaction(you're making a big mistake; except that is his own big projection)

she's willful and knows her worth and won't diminish herself for anyone

...and i chose the reaction from the scene bcus it's not necessarily at odds with these descriptions (of her 'prudence')

bcs it takes a lot of dignity and self-worth and inward grace to stand one's ground enough (to withstand the 'tide of their prince')

...to give that rejection that by all social and cultural norms and graces she was simply not supposed to give. or was at least supposed to couch in more self-effacing terms.

but yeah anyway i know people thought BSR was 'trashy' but i actually thought the acting and chemistry between them was really great and maybe even lifted the writing from its weaker points.

because just the way he reels back at the line 'is it enough for you?' in all its pity-wrought glory...firstly, because it seems like it's a question no one has ever thought to ask him before, and secondly, so it gives way into that transformation from the shock into anger (how a 'lesser' person is daring to pity him, how he doesn't want her pity, he wants her love) which is just...chef's kiss. she absolutely obliterates his dignity here, not only in her rejection but in this eloquent explanation as to why this is her answer, and in the finality of her conviction. it is delicious. they could have this scene anywhere, in this darkened staircase for its the tudors copycat setting in this lithuanian palace, or on a fucking greenscreen, and it would still be just as powerful if these were its actors.

(im realizing that if anyone who is reading this hasn't watched they're going to think i'm an insane person based on this description... so hopefully the actual beats of the scene below will reveal what i mean, lol:

there's also a compelling subversion of (modern) expectation here, because...the only different thing in this equation is the status of the man asking to love her, asking why love is 'not enough'. for most 16c women of anne's status, no, 'love' wasn't enough. security was preferred. and, actually, it's very anachronistic how much this opinion is villianized (see, tobg:

...when it's like...yeah, a man's love was considered worthless. if it wasn't, they wouldn't have considered betrothal contracts to be a necessary evil!). it's very easy for him to say that she would 'want for nothing' (households, jewels, etc, one assumes), and she isn't allowing his ease: she's contradicting him, and pointing out that there is little security in the position of royal mistress.

herein lies the constant counterfactual moralistic tutting: anne 'should've just become a mistress,' always paired with 'this would, in the end, have made her 'safer.'' and it would have, as we know (not anne), but it would also, as she points out here, likely lead into her being a nonentity (a voice on the pillow, a woman hiding underneath the sheets and behind the bed curtains, an ornament for dancing), and she didn't want to be one: she wanted to be partner and collaborator of her future husband, not the diversion and darling of someone else's.

tl;dr the scene is powerful because she feels bad for him (she feels bad for herself, too, but she only allows him to see the former: