#tk's voice when he was like 'this is the FIFTH time!' he's like I can only keep it quiet in here for so long

[guardian-angle22]

911 lone star -> tk & jonah waking up carlos in 5.12

[alrightbuckaroo]

Thanks for the tags @jesuisici33, @strandnreyes, and @reyesstrand!

Rules: Share what you wrote this year! It can be works you posted to Ao3, Wattpad, Tumblr, or anywhere else! You can share everything you wrote or just the ones you're most excited about.

Bear with me, this is a long one, most are listed under the cut

January

wedding bell blues

“I mean, how do we even bring it up?” Marjan asks, eyebrows furrowed. “Hey, sorry your engagement fell apart, by the way we brought Catan.” She shrugs. “Seems a little less than empathetic.”

leave all your worries on the dance floor

“Oh my god,” TK’s eyes widen. “Do I have two left feet?”

Carlos smiles sympathetically, “Baby, I thought you knew.”

you go your way I'll go your way too

“You sure you don’t want anything else to eat?” TK looks down at the bottle of water in Carlos’ hand. Carlos is sitting across from him, they’re in the sleeping quarters away of the firehouse away from everyone. Carlos hasn’t stopped thinking about it; he’s barely thinking about anything else right now. It’s at the forefront of his mind, begging to be let out. “Yeah, I’m fine, I already ate.” He doesn’t realize his slip up until he sees TK set his bag of chips down. “So you weren’t here for lunch.” TK’s using the voice he uses when he’s not mad, just confused.

February

we’re a match, in every way that matters

Carlos and TK are made for each other; they always kind of have been. Even if they didn't realize it at first.

when you wake up in the morning and think you have nothing; remember this.

TK wakes up and Carlos isn't there; he doesn't know how he's lived like this before.

here comes a feeling you thought you'd forgotten

Carlos had spent years suppressing the feeling he never had a name for. Then he met TK Strand.

your love is sweet like sugar

TK wakes up to Carlos making breakfast. It's his first time waking up in Carlos' apartment, but he hopes it's not the last.

what is a promise if not your hand in mine?

TK might not wake up, and Carlos can’t even hold his hand. TK might not wake up, and all Carlos wants to do is hold his hand.

a shoulder to sigh on

Carlos has always carried it well; but that doesn't mean he has to carry it alone.

March

the music stopped but we went on dancing

Carlos has waited and waited for a day like today; but of course, something had to go oh so wrong.

you can count on me; i'll be there

Carlos is dealing with the stress of trying to become detective; TK becomes his biggest cheerleader any way that he can.

will you bee mine?

Carlos is teaching his third grade class when he gets stung by a bee; now it seems he has no choice but to finally visit the new school nurse, TK Strand.

some like it hot

TK is determined to win the fifth annual chili cook-off; the only person standing in his way is his long-time culinary rival, Carlos Reyes.

you drive me wild

TK has to ask Carlos if he can borrow the thing most precious to him. His car.

our love’s a protective poison

Gwyneth Morgan loves her son; that is an uncontested fact. Tyler Kennedy Stand is his father’s son; that is also, an uncontested fact. Gwyn loves her son, even though he has a tendency to act just like his father. Gwyn loves her son, even when he has a tendency to act just like his father.

i love you; i want us both to eat well

“How do you tell someone you love that they’re not good at something?” Carlos asks Nancy and Mateo. “I don’t know,” Mateo shrugs. “Nancy’s good at everything.” “Aw,” Nancy croons. “Babe, you’re so good at telling the truth.”

April

you've made so very happy

TK stabs his fork into a leafy green. “That was my friend, Cash. We’re having our high school reunion next month and one of the planning committee members dropped out last minute. He asked if I could fill in.” “You’re going to your high school reunion?” Marjan asks, wiping her fingers on her napkin. “You have a friend named Cash?” Paul is quick to follow up, both clearly focused on different things.

home is wherever i'm with you

Carlos says, “I love you” in so many different ways, and TK loves each and every one of them.

when life gives the lemons

Carlos starts, "So, I was in the neighborhood." TK’s eyebrows furrow, confused by what his husband is doing. “Carlos we’re married, we live together, this is our neighborhood. Why wouldn't you be here?” “Just go with it, babe.” Carlos says through a tired smile or TK is helping Jonah sell lemonade during a hot summer day. They're not having any luck with customers until Carlos decides to walk by.

this side of paradise

“It’s just, it’s our honeymoon.” Carlos explains. “Oh,” He can hear Grace perk up on the other end. “Where did you two decide to go? Cancun, Bali, Tuscany?” Grace draws out the y of Tuscany, hoping that’ll be the answer. “That’s the thing,” Carlos admits, “We haven’t.” “Oh.” He can hear Grace slightly deflate on the other end.

all my blood for the sweetness of his laugh

TK laughs and it sounds genuine and true. Carlos can’t help but smile, he feels like the sun has cracked open inside him. He feels a warmth inside himself that’s hot to the touch.

hooked on you

“Nancy,” Nancy looks up at the call of her name. TK is standing in front of her, both hands on his hips. Nancy releases a thin sigh. “Oh no.” Nancy knows what that pose means. TK’s upset. After finishing off the last sip of her coffee, Nancy asks. “What’s wrong?” “I’m upset.” TK announces as he takes space in the empty seat next to her.

May

i'd wait a million years for you

If you had told TK Strand that he would be marrying the love of his life in a place like Austin, Texas, he would have looked at you like you’d grown a second head. If you had told him that he would propose in the middle of the night, bed head and all, he would laugh and ask you, “Who do you think I am?”

June

anger has told me her real name is grief

Carlos is letting his grief manifest into anger; no matter how much he doesn't want it to.

a little taste of love

TK Strand, a florist working for the renowned flower shop, Bloom With a View, can't take his eyes off of Carlos Reyes, a baker working at Cake My Day, the bakery across the street.

July

as cute as a button

Andrea is taking TK down memory lane and they come across a koala named Kique, who happens to be missing one button eye.

we're a batch made in heaven

Carlos misses TK; so he does what he always does. Makes cookies.

August

all's fair in love and lizards

Love comes in many shapes and forms; and sometimes, that form is a stuffed novelty toy at a carnival game

summer slipped us underneath her tongue

TK Strand is a freshly heartbroken art history student who's been given the opportunity of a lifetime; studying art in the heart of it all, Paris, France. However, he thinks it's a cruel taunt from the universe. He's studying what he loves so much in the city of love but is stuck thinking there's no one out there who loves him. Carlos Reyes is a career driven culinary student studying at Le Cordon Bleu. He has hard time maintaining relationships, an even harder time of detaching himself from his work and and has an awful habit of doubting everything about himself. After a night out that they end up sharing with each other; they agree to keep any and all things casual. Well, like most things, that's easier said than done.

November

29 Going on 30

During a trip to New York City to celebrate TK turning 30, TK and Carlos stumble upon a list of things TK always wanted to do before he turned 30, all of them being references to romantic comedies he loved so much growing up. While TK is fine with leaving the past in the past, Carlos thinks there's no better time than the present. He thinks that TK deserves to feel the same type of love he loved watching on the silver screen, so he devotes the rest of their trip to just that. Told through a tale filled with everlasting love, a never-ending trek across New York City and the occasional painful reminder of the past, Carlos learns a little more about the city TK once called home and TK learns a little more about himself.

December

it was love at first sight

Carlos thinks love at first sight is nonsensical. Then he locks eyes with TK Strand.

the moment my heart fell

Carlos has never been more in love and it scares him. Each and every day, Carlos finds himself falling that much harder and he’s worried that one day he’ll reach the ground and never know how to get up again.

my world deeply stained by the color of you

Everything's vibrant, sparkling as if it's the debut of a color TK's never seen before. Pale grey doesn't cast over everything the way it used to and TK's afraid to close his eyes at the risk of never seeing the world's colors this way ever again.

no pressure tagging: @carlos-in-glasses, @lemonlyman-dotcom, @heartstringsduet, @freneticfloetry, @lightningboltreader, @orchidscript, @three-drink-amy, @bonheur-cafe, @ambiguouspenny, @never-blooms, @theghostofashton, @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut, @sanjuwrites, @wandering-night19, @thisbuildinghasfeelings, @rmd-writes , @welcometololaland and open tag to anyone who wants to share :)

[reyesstrand]

fic stats meme

thanks for the tag @rmd-writes & @chaotictarlos (edit: & @welcometololaland who’s tag i saw moments after posting ajdnsjd) <3

rules: give us the links to your fic with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and fic with the least words. (i’m going to be excluding prompt collections here, and only doing lone star works! )

most hits: lit the spark (that set a fire) (tarlos)

It's Judd who explains it to them; that before the accident and before the station was rebuilt from the ground up, the 126 had a long-standing, friendly rivalry with Ladder 102. Their golden boy, Carlos Reyes, well—he kind of knocks TK off his feet.

second most kudos: wanna be still with you (tarlos)

He's too focused on keeping himself upright, feeling woozy from the exertion, that there's a sort of hazy quality to everything around him. TK hears his name being called, and he's—he's certain it's his mind playing tricks on him; he has to be in some dreamlike state where Carlos has found them. But then he feels hands on him—big, sturdy, warm hands he would recognize blindfolded—and he turns his head and sees worried brown eyes and he just about crumbles.

Thankfully, he has Carlos there to catch him.

third most comments: tried and true blue (owen & tk/tarlos)

"She knows," Owen says, his eyes almost too sincere for TK to handle. He clamps his molars together and just stares at his father, because if he lets himself think too hard about all the ways his mom is still here, somehow, he'll probably burst into tears. Owen gives him a sad smile. "She does, TK. She used to talk about when you'd get married all the time."

There's a pause, and TK curls his fingers tighter around his mug, letting everything simmer between them.

"When I got married," TK quietly repeats. "Not if?"

fourth most bookmarks: to be reborn (tarlos)

In a flurry of movement, TK wakes up. TK tells him, voice soft and rough around the edges: "Breathe." And at that moment, Carlos knows the rest can wait.

fifth most words: to which there is no reply (tarlos)

Everything about TK makes him forget. But then it all comes back to him slowly, not unlike a spark to kindling, leaving Carlos swallowing down his grief like the fire it is—trying to consume it all by himself so he’s the only one who feels the burn.

He glances out the half-open window, and sees the white dots of birds drifting on the low tide, and he wonders how he’s supposed to leave it all. The salty air, the pleasant sun, the way TK walks without a line of tension in his shoulders. He knows they’ve transcended all different sorts of honeymoon phases since they gave their relationship a real go a few years ago; he knows that they’ll still be them once Owen picks them up from Austin-Bergstrom and they go home to the loft and work and responsibilities and Lou II. But he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to go back to a life without his father.

fic with the least words: hold on to me (nancy/marjan)

She tries to keep herself focused on tiny tasks as she prepares to go home; the shower had been blissful, but now she longs for her own bed. Cap had told them they’d be able to take a few days off to grieve, and so she grabs the dog-eared paperback Carlos leant her a week or two ago and her headphones from her bunk and stuffs it all into her bag, approaching the stairs as she goes. It’s then that Marjan hears it, tiny but distinctive in the quiet firehouse: a thud, followed by the sound of frustrated cries, all suspiciously coming from the ambulance bay.

Marjan moves quickly, maneuvering deftly around workbenches and supplies in the bay, biting on the inside of her cheek when she sees the source of the noise: Nancy, hunched over in front of Tim’s locker, staring down at the box of his belongings that’s tipped over onto its side.

no pressure tagging @paperstorm @theghostofashton @freneticfloetry @alrightbuckaroo @carlos-in-glasses @rosedavid @heartstringsduet @beautifulhigh @marjansmarwani @terramous @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut and anybody else who’d like to try this out! <3

[strandnreyes]

fic stats meme

rules: give us the links to your fic with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and fic with the least words.

thanks @rmd-writes @welcometololaland !!

most hits: one single thread

A last minute email outlining a construction project and an office rearrangement throws TK into a new environment for the school year. What starts off as an inconvenience quickly becomes a stroke of fate as it allows his path to cross with Carlos.

This is a look into their lives over those ten months.

second most kudos: pushing boundaries

You awake?

The text pulls Carlos from the endless hours of footage he’s been watching and it’s enough to put a brief smile on his face before his somber mood returns.

As much as he’d love to see TK right now, the sound of the voice from the video is too twisted in his mind, haunting his every thought, to even consider what the other man is offering.

Yes, but not for what you want.

Or, 3.05 reimagined.

third most comments: time, curious time

TK draws Carlos closer, pressing their foreheads together. “Given a thousand lifetimes I would still choose you.”

It’s as much of a daunting statement as it is a romantic one, hoping they’d still find each other and choose each other through any circumstance. And though Carlos knows TK means it with everything he has, it’s not a problem they have to face.

“We only have this one,” he whispers, “and you have me.”

fourth most bookmarks: to live for the hope of it all

“We were between Honduras and the tip of Mexico when we went down.” He draws an X in the dirt. The area of the ocean that Carlos gestures to with his stick seems so miniscule, but TK knows it’s likely thousands of square miles. “We may have gotten slightly off course when we lost control, but yeah,” he slides his foot over the picture, effectively wiping it away. “It’s a start.”

His eyes are stormy and his brow is furrowed. TK wants to smooth it out with his thumb, he wants to wash the dirt off his neck and ask him why he looks like he’s holding the weight of the world on his shoulders, but all he can do is nod and hope the rescue team can find them as easily as the map made it seem.

fifth most words: secret moments in a crowded room

The greatest performance of their careers is the one the public has no clue about.

Or, the Golden Age of Hollywood AU

least words: hold on

Pretending to be okay is a far cry from actually being okay.

open tag to anyone who wants to dig through their data!

[noxsoulmate]

Art made by: @chaotictarlos 💕

I finally finished my alternate reconciliation fic 🥳🥳 it's now with my beta and I really hope to post it sometime in December.

This fic was supposed to just be a 5k piece of TK taking care of drunken Carlos while they're broken up... and it exploded to a 22k work 😅😂 So I hope you're all willing to read that many words of TK and Carlos finding their way back to each other, with long talks and lots of emotions 🥰

If you aren't on my tagging list yet and would like to be added (either in general or just for this fic), let me know.

As a little teaser, have the beginning of the fic 😊 (under the cut)

PS: I still love you, too

The phone call at one in the morning came out of nowhere but it was a welcome distraction from TK’s fitful slumber. Why he even bothered really trying to sleep was beyond him – he never truly found any rest nowadays.

Still, the time was rather unusual, and most of the time, it didn’t mean anything good. Especially not when it came from an unknown number. Bracing for the worst, TK tried to shake out the cobwebs in his brain and answered on the fifth ring.

“Hello?”

Before he even heard a voice, he could hear music in the background and some chatter, laughter, certainly a small crowd – typical noises of a club or maybe a bar or something. It didn’t make sense to his sleep-addled mind. 

“TK?” came a familiar voice, even though he couldn’t place it. “You mind stopping by to pick up your boyfriend?”

TK wondered if he had even fully woken up because none of this made any sense. No sense at all. “Who’s this?” he finally slurred, rubbing his eyes and sitting up fully, putting his feet on the cold hardwood floor. Maybe that would help him see more clearly.

“Oh, sorry,” the voice replied, and for a moment, TK was sure that out of the ruckus going on in the background, he heard an even more familiar voice. “This is Katy from the honky tonk. Carlos is here and he’s pretty sloshed and I can’t let him drive like this. Are you on shift or can you come and pick him up?” 

TK was glad he was still sitting because out of everything he had expected – from his mother being in the hospital, to his father being lost somewhere in the hills and calling from an unknown landline, to a simple prank caller – this was certainly not high on his list.

“I– I’m sorry… what?”

“Shit, sorry, can you even hear me? It’s pretty loud here tonight, hang on–”

“No, no, it’s fine,” TK interrupted, taking a deep breath to center himself. “No, it’s okay. I was just… I mean… uhm, Carlos and I–”

Carlos and he what?

Were taking a break? Were over? So please call someone else? 

TK still hated himself for what he had done to the man he loved more than his own life – he certainly wouldn’t deny him any help. Even if Carlos most likely wouldn’t ask for it himself. After everything TK had done, it would be a surprise if he wouldn’t strangle him the second he saw him. Though on the other hand, Carlos was far too nice a person for that, so it was more likely that he would just ignore TK.

But none of that mattered when Carlos needed him – and it certainly wasn’t anything he needed to discuss with Katy. Who, obviously, was still in the dark about the two of them. They hadn’t been at the Honky Tonk together in weeks, for obvious reasons, but Katy didn’t seem to find that odd.

Besides, if Carlos was truly sloshed, then maybe he wouldn’t even realize it was TK who helped him. Because if he would, TK was pretty sure he would resist.

Noxy's Tagging List:

@chaotictarlos, @detective-giggles, @sgirl18, @sapphire11, @bubblesandroses8, @firstprince-history-huh, @beautifulhigh, @rangergurlgleek1211, @shadesofdeviant, @otter-love-asl, @tarlos-spain, @ramblingdisaster73, @first-kanaphan, @xtltokio, @lightningboltreader, @tarlossource

[troubatrain]

runaway (part two) - n. patrick

a/n: shoutout to tumblr being down and not having work because i somehow cranked out both of these parts in one day. i’ve settled on this series being a small series of smut that sort of just follows a storyline and i’m really excited about it. anyways i’m tagging @hookingminor​ for reading this while i wrote it and gassing me up and @princessphilly​ & @texanstarslove​ because it’s whore hours here

warnings - smut this is all literally smut

part one - part three

It was St. Patrick’s day in Boston, and Nolan was hoping that a second round of luck was on its way. Nolan hadn’t seen much of you since you left to go home a few days after that night. You were living in his head rent fucking free, and it was unfair. It was unfair that he got to see every thirst trap you posted on Instagram, but he’d be damned if he thought about liking it. It was unfair that you were definitely Kevin’s favorite sibling and he talked about you all time. It was unfair he had to watch Kevin make out with some chick while he couldn’t do anything about you across the bar. And it was beyond cruel that you were shaking your ass with your roommates in a too big Celtics jersey and Nolan couldn’t do anything to ward off the dudes who had their eyes on you. His grip on his beer tightened, knuckles white and anger coursing through his veins while you rejected the like fifth guy that night.

“Hey dude, keep an eye on her okay?” Kevin asks, snapping Nolan out of his thoughts while he got ready to head out with his friend in tow. The Flyers had played a hard fought afternoon game against the Bruins, and with a day off promised the next day Nolan was sure it was going to be a late night, “I’m serious Patty, she’s two tequila shots with TK away from a mess.”

“I think I can handle your sister,” Nolan scoffs, eager to get Kevin the fuck out of that bar so he could talk to you for more than five minutes. He watched Kevin leave, turning his attention to you and smiling when he saw you laughing with your friends.

“Boston in Boston? It’s like seeing you in your natural habitat,” Nolan jokes, a hand landing on your lower back. You laugh, throwing your head and wrapping your arms around Nolan’s waist. You looked around, your brother was nowhere to be seen and you thought the coast was clear, “He’s gone.”

“Do I want to know?” You ask, scrunching up your nose knowing damn well why your brother left early. Nolan shook his head, sparing you the details and smirking at you, “And what about you Patty? Chasing a girl out of here too?”

“Unless it’s you,” Nolan husks in your ear, his deep voice sent shivers down your spine, a calloused finger slipping over the basketball jersey you stole from one of your brothers, “We had so much fun last time.”

You did have fun. You were sad and Nolan was making you feel infinitely better. Now some time has passed, the wounds on your heart healing and single life was good. Nolan’s eyes were staring into yours, holding your gaze while you decided what to do. On one hand, one time was one thing but twice was another. How long could you fuck around with Nolan before Kevin caught on? Probably a while given your brother wasn’t always the brightest, but he’d figure it out eventually.

“Take me home Nolan,” You breathe, sliding out of your phone and ordering the quickest Uber you could to your place. Nolan was grinning, hands wrapped around your waist when you were finally free from the eyes of his teammates.

Your apartment was the complete opposite of Kevin’s. Nolan’s eyes scanned over the art prints and pictures of your family that decorated the walls, his eyes scanning the titles that lined up against your record player. Maybe you had more in common than Nolan thought. He’d overthink it later, because your lips were on his neck and your fingers were toying with his zipper and if he didn’t find a release soon he’d lose it. You were the best he’s had, Nolan spent countless nights alone using that night to get himself off. You got him off. You were irresistible, and it was going to get Nolan in trouble.

Your fingers unhooked Nolan’s jeans, pulling the zipper and going down with it. Nolan groans, tilting your chin up to look at him, his finger ran across your lip. You took it into your mouth, Nolan’s eyes practically rolling to the back of his head, “You’re trouble.”

“Haven’t you heard, I’ve never done anything wrong in my life?” You muse, pulling Nolan’s boxers down, springing his cock free. Nolan had heard all about it, Kevin’s perfect baby sister, who was smarter than anyone he knew and had a heart of gold. You were perfect but it was more about how good your mouth looked when you took his cock into your mouth and less about what your brother thought. Your fingers were tracing his thigh tattoos, your mouth popping off his dick and your attention on those, “I like these.”

“Me too, but if you could maybe,” Nolan whines, an actual plea to get your mouth back where he needed it most. His hands were in your hair, and if he didn’t think you’d smack the shit out of him he would’ve moved your head himself.

“Like this?” You press a kiss to the tip of his dick, letting your mouth hover just above it. You bat your eyelashes, watching the way Nolan’s face was getting redder the more you egged him now. You lick the underside of his cock, tracing a vein as slowly as you could, “Or like this?”

“If you don’t start being a good girl I’m not going to let you cum,” Nolan growls, his voice deep and raspy, a chill running up your spine. You rub your thighs together, Nolan’s voice was fucking delicious. You take him into your mouth, bobbing your head while Nolan hit the back of your throat, “Fuck, can I-”

You nod, feeling Nolan’s dick twitch in your mouth and his cum hit the back of your throat, he let out a groan. You swallow as much as you could, finally take your mouth off Nolan’s cock and let the rest spill down your chin. Nolan slides his thumb across your jaw, picking up his cum and pushing it into your mouth, groaning when you happily obliged, “Do I get to cum now?”

Nolan chuckles, lacing his fingers with yours and letting you drag him into your bedroom. You tossed the jersey, sliding off your jeans and leaving yourself in the matching black lace set you were grateful you chose to wear, “Look at you.”

“You’re so fucking sexy.”

“All of this for me?”

“I’m going to ruin you.”

Nolan’s words were pressed against your skin while he took his time with you, running his hands all over your body. His hands grip your thighs, turning you around, “Get on your knees for me.”

You nod, biting your lip when you could feel Nolan’s breath fanning your pussy, his finger slips under your panties, sliding them down pressing kisses to your ass, “Nolan enough teasing.”

You were whining, whimpering when Nolan’s hand came in contact with your ass, his tongue was flat against your pussy, teasing even more, “I said good girl.”

A finger slid inside you, and you let out a moan that was embarrassingly loud, Nolan’s name slipping from your lips while you begged for more. You needed to get off, so worked up past the point of no return. Nolan slid in a second finger, curling his fingers inside you and pressing a kiss dangerously close to your asshole, “You can Nols.”

You were his dream girl, that’s it, you were Nolan Patrick’s dream girl and he couldn’t have you. He groans against your skin, his tongue rimming your hole and pushing his fingers inside your pussy faster. You were soaked, clenching around Nolan’s fingers and letting out a scream. You fish out a condom from your nightstand, tossing it to Nolan and muttering something under your breath, “What was that Boston?”

“Want you inside me,” You breathe you, shaking your ass in front of Nolan because you wanted him so badly. Nolan’s eyes went darker, rolling on the condom and slipping inside of you. He gave just a second to adjust before his hands were on your hips and he was pushing you into your mattress, “Fuck, I missed your cock.”

“Yeah?” Nolan muses, his pace steady while you fall apart underneath him, “I’m only the person who makes you feel like this huh?”

“Yes, fuck, Nolan I’m going to cum again,” You pussy tightened around Nolan’s cock, pulling his second high out of him and into the condom.

You finally fell onto the bed, fucked into oblivion. The grip you had on your sheets was released, Nolan admiring you below him. Slow breaths escaped your lips, your eyes closing and opening from how tired you were, “We’re never going to be able to stop doing this are we?”

“I think we’re going to have to do this a few more times,” You agree, poking one eye open while Nolan tossed you a t-shirt from your dresser, “I’ll be back in Philly soon.”

“Really?” Nolan smiles, kissing your head while he got himself dressed. He didn’t want to leave, another time where he wanted to hold you and press his lips against all the spots he marked on you, but getting caught wasn’t an option.

“I have a Grad School interview at UPenn,” You muse, sliding on the t-shirt and tucking yourself into bed, “It’s not a big deal-”

“Sounds like a pretty big deal,” Nolan disagrees, hoping he could steal you for a night away from your brother. He took one more look at you, biting his lip and thinking about just saying fuck it and staying but he knew he just couldn’t, “See you then Boston.”

Nolan heard one protest about how you hated that nickname, laughing to himself and throwing on the hoodie he thought was his. It was dark, and before Nolan could catch his mistake he was sporting a Boston College hoodie while he left your place - hoping there wasn’t a chance he’d run into Kevin. He made it to his hotel room without seeing anyone, a throat clearing when he finally got into his room. Travis’s voice echoed through the room.

“Is that Kevin’s? What is he dressing you now?”

[delirioushrimp]

Frozen Fairytale (DemonYB AU)

This is like the most self-indulgent thing I’ve ever done hhhhh-

Once more, this story is here because I am a huge simp for @harbingers-appointed ‘s  amazing AU !

Vee I hope you know I would die for you !

Plot changed three times during the writing process, help-

He senses their pain before he hears their scream. It’s a cry of agony, distress, begging for help and he feels it in his bones as though it was his own suffering. It travels through his being like a shot of electricity; fast, violent, and dizzying. It takes him a few seconds to recover from the pain and as soon as he does, a feeling of dread unlike anything he had experienced  before fills his soul until it’s the only thing he can think about.

He rises abruptly from his desk, causing TK to flinch and look at him with a confused and fearful look. But he can’t see his tactician, can’t hear them ask if something is wrong, can’t feel the pieces of wood piercing his skin. His soul, his heart is burning a fire of horror and rage.

He almost knocks the door of its hinges as he desperately tries to reach them through the pain.

“Darling ! Darling where are you ?!”

Long agonizing seconds pass -where he imagines the worst has already happened-

pleasepleasepleaseplease-

“Sa…mael…”

Their voice is too weak, too frail and distressed for him to relax. And they only used his real name when…

“Tell me where you are !”

He doesn’t mean the harshness, the sternness in his tone, centuries of cold authority coursing through his veins and the panic rending him unable to control it. He hears a gasp before they answer once more.

“…Water…lake…blue…”

“What-“

“So…cold…”

His eyes widen furthermore at their words, his feet carrying him to the only place they could be as terror -the kind he hadn’t felt in hundreds of years- takes hold of him. He doesn’t notice the looks of bewilderments of his kind as he runs past them, quickly turning into pure fear when they feel the murderous aura of their King. Most of them have never witnessed it and to endure its overwhelming presence like this, even for a second bring them to their knees. He doesn’t notice any of them as he runs like he never has, ignoring the tremendous pain his heels bring him.

“Darling-“

“It hurts…it hurts so much. I-don’t think I can hold for much longer…”

They sound on the verge of fainting, and it feels as though he might be dying.

“Don’t ! Don’t let go ! Please ! I’m on my way !”

“…Samael…I’m so tired…”

“Please ! Please just a little longer !”

He never begged, the King of Hell doesn’t beg for anything or to anyone. He didn’t beg when God casted him aside, didn’t beg when he was stripped of his title, of his wings, or when he felt their ghostly presence for a hundred years to come. He never begged in his life, when he wants something, he simply takes it without asking, because he doesn’t need anyone’s permission. He doesn’t need the princes’ or TK, and he especially doesn’t need permission from that pathetic God.

And yet in that moment, running in the frozen parts of his kingdom, he is willing to. He’s willing to beg anyone he crosses to save his beloved; he’s willing to kneel in front of God if it means he can get back the wings which were so painfully teared apart from him, even for just a minute, anything so he can reach them sooner, faster even by a few seconds. Anything for the pain to stop. He briefly looks up at the sky.

You knew this would happen, didn’t you ?!

He doesn’t expect an answer, and he doesn’t get one but doesn’t miss how the harsh winds seem to be whispering words of mockery to his ears. But the sound of their voice brings him back to the moment.

“My King…”

He feels their mind sleeping farther away, to a place he can’t reach. The words are spoken softly and lovingly but with a hint of regret.

“I’m sorry…”

“DON’T !”

But the connection is lost, quickly followed by a loud splashing sound and his soul shatters into pieces.  A scream of agony echo through the frozen lands, the wild and agonizing cry of a frenzied beast, chilling anyone who hears it to the bone.

He starts running again, this time, pleading, again and again to find them. The smell of iron hits him, and he feels madness takes over his mind.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As soon as your bruised and frozen fingers let go of the small rock, you feel it. The long, tortuous howl of his voice ringing in your soul reminding you of his hellish nature. It tears you apart and for the briefest moment, you wish you could have said something more. Then the water takes you.

It doesn’t hurt as much as you expected it, the pain only lasts a minute. A minute where your lungs desperately try to breath into the frigid ocean that surrounds you, burning every cell of your being. But then nothing. Only silence and the slow descent of your body towards the unknown, and you briefly wonder if there is an end to this endless ocean. It’s peaceful, quiet, and painless. A calm, soft blue surrounds you, reminding you of his eyes. It lulls and soothes you.

So beautiful…

Everything is numb and you feel your eyes growing heavy but you’re not scared. You’re not scared because you remember his words upon your arrival.

Death is something you will never have to fear my dear, for I am the only one who controls it here.

A small smile draws on your lips despite the cold.

Then it’s alright, I’ll suffer a thousand pains if it means staying with you.

He will find you; you know he will, he always does. You just have to wait a bit. You close your eyes and fall asleep into the icy blankets of water. Death will not find you, the Light Bringer will.

-------‐----------------------------------------------‐-------------

The first time you wake up, it’s to the sound of crying and pleading. Someone is begging for you to open your eyes, but the task proves to be impossible. The sorrow and the lament in their voice break your heart, despite not being able to recognize who it is. You vaguely hear the person call for your name, again and again between their sobs. You wish you could comfort whoever is uttering your name with such anguish and desperation. But instead, you fall back into the arms of Morpheus.

Who are you ?

The second time you wake up, it’s to the smell of blood. The stench invades your mind, overwhelming all your senses until it’s the only thing you can perceive. You want to gag, yet your body seems unresponsive to even your most basic instincts, as if frozen in ice. But behind that heavy and violent scent, you catch a hint of something familiar. Something ancient, powerful, and pleasant, it comforts you. Instinctively, you cling to that aroma acting as a lifesaver and slumber takes over you once more.

I know you.

The third time you wake up, it’s to the taste of something bitter running down your throat. It tastes like one of those herbal teas from back home, but far worse. It burns and stings your tongue; makes you sick to your stomach, and you panic. You trash around, try to scream but no sound leaves you. Your crisis is interrupted when you feel something soft brush against your lips, something sweet and gentle, like a candy melting in your mouth. It’s enough for you to fall back asleep.

Who am I to you ?

The fourth time you wake up, it’s to a warm touch. Something -or rather someone- is holding your arm tightly, though not enough to hurt. You still struggle to open your eyes, but you can feel the way their much bigger hand delicately holds yours, running soothing circles on your palm. Then you feel a warm breath on your fingers and a pair of lips brushing against them in such a tender and caring way it brings tears to your eyes. You doze off, feeling loved and protected.

I’ve never felt so cherished before.

The fifth time you wake up, it’s to a sight you never believed to witness. A large figure kneeling on their knees by your side, head resting on your chest, through some miracle, the long horns barely scrap your skin. Pale moonlight rays shine on them- no him, allowing you to see a pained expression and the bags under his eyes, a sight which immediately strikes you with grief. He looks absolutely miserable. And yet, you find a certain beauty to it. Is it because you know he would only kneel for you ?

My King…

As if on cue, a gasp reaches your ears before the head lying on your chest shots up, so fast it almost knocks you out. You curse out loud in fear, but the sound quickly dies in your throat the moment you notice the look in his eyes.

First you see shock, confusion, and disbelief following one another in rapid motion before relief takes over. His eyes, his smile, it’s like he just found the greatest treasure in all three worlds. It reminds you of the first time you met, except he doesn’t hold it back. The raw devotion and adoration in his gaze, it’s almost too much for your heart to handle.

You try to reach for him with your hand but a sharp pain in your shoulder forces you to withdraw your arm, you hiss at the sensation and he notices it. His expression immediately falls and is replaced by sorrow and guilt. You can see it in those endless pools of blue, you can see how he’s blaming himself for something he isn’t responsible for, you can see how terrified he is of you hating and discarding him, and most of all, you can see the suffering he endured during your short absence. You’ve never witnessed something like this before. You’d seen him irritated, disappointed, tired, or dejected even.

But this, this was something you hated seeing on him. This expression of utter defeat and grief does not suit him at all.

Carefully, you lift your other -and fortunately non-injured- arm and with as much softness as you can muster, brush your hand against his cheek. He jolts from the touch as if he expected a much harsher reaction but just as quickly, leans into your touch and closes his eyes. He’s trembling, still afraid you’re only indulging him one last time before rejecting  him completely. It surprises you, how easily you can read him when you could barely decipher his true intentions not so long ago.

You  push back the blankets and slowly shifts your body until your feet dangle from the bed, caging him between your legs, but his eyes are still shut.

“My King…” you whisper in a raspy voice, “open your eyes please.” The shaking grows in intensity. “For me…”

Your last words act as spell pulling him out of his misery. His gaze is solely focused on you, and even after all this time, it still takes your breath away. How could such a powerful, beautiful and infinite being look at you -a mere mortal soul- with such intensity you feel like the only person existing in all three realms ? You still don’t understand, and you don’t know if you ever will.

Does it even matter ?

He who has everything, looks like he might crumble at any moment. The embodiment of pride, crawling at your feet, begging for your love. Has he ever shown such vulnerability to anyone else before ? The selfish part of you wishes he hasn’t, the greedy and possessive part that wants all of him for you and only you. His mind, his body, his heart, and his soul, all for you, just like you belong to him.

Comfort him, cherish him, accept him, love him

“My love,” you call for him, and the distance between the two of you shortens, you feel his hands roam your body, desperately clinging to you. “My star, my light, my savior, my fated one…”

Each appellation has him growing closer and closer until his forehead touches yours, his breathing is erratic, his eyes search for any trace of resentment on your face, hands encircling your waist is a tight -but non-painful- grip.

“None of this was your fault-“

“Don’t go to them !”

You speak at the same time, but you stop at the frantic tone of his voice. You frown, confused, waiting for further explanations.

“I know I- failed to protect you !” he admits in the most pathetic tone you’ve ever heard. “But please, don’t leave me !” he begs, and your mind is sent into a spiral of worry as you try to come up with a way to calm him down. “Don’t- don’t choose them !”

Who are you even talking about ?!

“They- he will only hurt and use you !”

His words hit you like a bucket of ice- no it’s worse than that, colder than the waters you drowned in, colder than the harsh winds digging into your skin when you were clinging to that rock for dear life. You feel your blood boil and freeze at the same time, because you understand who he is talking about.

The genuine deep-rooted fear in his tone fills you with both dread and fury. It terrifies you because it means this demon, no-this entity is far worse and far more powerful than you thought, enough for the King of Hell to be afraid of it. It enrages you because it means they hurt him before, most likely tortured and let him bleed out like the sadistic creature they are. Your interactions with them had given you a hunch about their true nature but this is so much worse, much more horrible than you’d anticipated.

Theyhurtyoutheyhurtyoutheyhurtyou-

You want to scream, you want to get up from this bed, you want to find this smug bastard -it wouldn’t take long, they’re always around the corner- and strangle them. You don’t remember the last time you felt such wrath against someone. But you can’t. You can’t because you can barely move without your body hurting but most of all, because you just know they would relish in your anger and you wouldn’t be able to bear that infuriating self-satisfied and arrogant smile.

The grip around your waist suddenly tightens and when your eyes focus on him again, you realize your mistake. He noticed your anger, and thought it was directed at him. His pupils are blown wide, and he starts shaking again, mumbling the same sentence over and over again like a broken record.

“don’tleavemedon’tleavemedon’tleaveme-“

“Sweetheart-“

“This will never happen again, I promise !” he interrupts you.

“Dear-“ you try again, but to no avail.

“I’ll never leave you, never again ! “ His voice turns dark, with a hint of madness to it. “Will always stay with you, always by your side. Always, always, always, always…”

“Love please-“

“You know I would do anything for you, right ?” His eyes are blown so wide you can barely see his pupils, smile stretched to the point it might tear his face apart. The raw possessiveness and despair, they make him look completely mad. “Tell me, tell me what should I do to earn back your love. Tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you. Just tell me.”

You stare at him in stunned silence and in that moment, you know if you asked for him to set his kingdom ablaze, he’d only ask you in how many days. He had told you so in the past, but you’d only taken it as another dramatic display to entertain you. Now you realize how serious he was and to your shock, you’re not as frightened as you should be. In fact…

His eyes twitches and a trail of cobalt blood starts to run down his chin from how hard he’s biting his lips. His voice turns to hysterics and you think you see something running down his cheeks.

“Just tell me !  There must be something ! Tell me please, tellmetellmetellmetellme-“

“Samael, enough !” you end up shouting at him.

He immediately stills, from the tone of your voice or the use of his name, you can’t tell. You didn’t mean to raise your voice, not when he was breaking down in front of you, but he wouldn’t have stopped otherwise. And hearing him so hopeless and frantic was too much for you to handle.

Ignoring the pain in your left shoulder, you reach for him again, this time with both hands and he watches you lovingly cup his face in your hands with awe. His gaze darts back and forth between your face and your hands in utter bewilderment, like a child trying to solve a puzzle. You almost laugh at the thought. Instead, you lock eyes with him and speak firmly.

“I’ll tell you what I want.” He perks up, eagerly waiting for your wish. “I want you to stop blaming yourself for something that’s not your fault.” You see him open his mouth, most likely to protest but you don’t give him the chance to. “I want you to remember I don’t hate you; I’ve never hated you and never will. “ You sense him slightly relaxes. “I want you to understand I will never leave you, not for them, and not for anyone else, never. “ You pause, watching the blue returning to his eyes.

His expression holds trust, hope and an innocence you didn’t believe possible for him to have, he looks so much younger. For a moment, you think you’re gazing at the benevolent, bright, and loyal angel he once was, the devoted hand of God. You remember the feather he gifted you on the first night you kissed his scars, a pure and immaculate white, softer than the most delicate silk existing on earth and more valuable than any jewel in the world. He had looked so happy, so earnest, when he gave it to you. And now, you can so easily picture thousands of those same feathers linked together to form majestic wings. The vision has you smiling softly. But a question, one you had avoided asking him ever since you realized his feelings for you were genuine burns at the corners of your mind once more. Laced with such pride, envy, and selfishness you never felt brave enough to ask.

Do you love me more than you used to love God ?

Two warm, large hands covering yours bring you back to reality and the innocence vanishes, allowing for the madness to reappear once more. But his voice is steady, confident and lacks the fragility it held mere moments ago.

“God took everything from me, from the very beginning, only took and took.” You are not shocked to hear the way he spat those words, but from the fact he seems to have read your mind. “But you…” he draws out, bringing your left hand to his lips and giving a chaste kiss where your pulse lies, teeth grazing at the flesh. You feel him slowly exhale against your skin. “You keep on giving and giving. Your presence, you smile, your touch, your voice…” You feel his tail slowly making its way around your left leg as he speaks. “But I still keep wanting more of you each passing day…” His voice becomes strained with yearning and desire. “I can’t get enough; I’ll never get enough of you.”

He closes his eyes, inhales and exhales slowly, as if trying to contain his hunger and fervor for you. His breaths are the only sounds in the large room and you find some sort of peace to it. It eases your nerves, reminds that this moment is not a dreamy hallucination from your comatose state, this is real. You don’t know how long it lasts -a few seconds, a minute or an hour- until he opens his eyes again and your heartbeat becomes uncontrollable.

His pupils have turned into hearts, and although it’s not the first time, you still find yourself mesmerized by the sight. Who knew the Devil could be capable of such thing ? The vibrancy, the intensity, and the sincerity his gaze holds have you melt into him and you instinctively close your thighs tighter around him. He relishes in your actions if the soft purring you hear is anything to go by.  

“My Dear…” he fondly says before calling for your name, and you smile, loving the way it rolls on his tongue. “The dull candlelight of devotion I once felt for the one who cast me aside cannot possibly compare to the eternal flame of adoration I hold for you.”

You feel every fiber of your body burns at his confession, pure delight taking over your mind and utter bliss over your heart.  How are you supposed to respond to that ? Nothing you could say would be enough to match this. So you decide to answer in the only way you can think of. You lean in and finally close whatever distance was left between the two of you.

IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou

You hope he can hear it, how much you love him, you hope he feels how your soul calls for his in desperate craving. You hope he realizes you will never stop loving him as you taste the blood and the tears on his lips. You hope he understands you would do anything for him as you feel his hands shift to grip your thighs. How could such a corrupted being taste so divine ?

You want him, you want him to touch and hold you, because you feel the most alive when he does. Hastily, you blindly reach for his long horns and smirk into the kiss when you finally grab them and without a warning, pulls him towards you. And oh, the way he moans into your mouth, it sounds heavenly. It makes you lose your mind.

Moremoremoremoremore-

You do it a second time, which causes him to growl and you revel at the feeling of his nails digging into your tender skin. It feels so good, so good to have him touch you like this. But then he breaks the kiss and you whine when he removes his hands from your legs, instead placing them on each side of your body to steady himself.

His eyes are hooded with raw desire and lust, causing a shot of electricity to travel to your core. Knowing that you’re the only one who’ll get to see him like this, the only one able to create such reactions from him fills you with unwavering pride and satisfaction.

“Darling…” he whispers in a husky, barely controlled voice. “I can’t- you’re still hurt, I-“ He hisses when you tenderly rub the base of his horns. “Ah���don’t- torture me like this.” His labored breath and the pleading in his tone only urge you to do it again. “You need to rest more before-“ You shush him with a finger against his lips.

“You’re the only one who can make the pain go away…” you trail off, noticing how close he is to give in from how tightly he’s holding the bedsheets. “My King…” you beg, fingers brushing against his cheek. “Please, I need you” you admit.

You can almost see the resolution shatters in his eyes and it’s beautiful. You feel absolutely drunk on triumph, love and euphoria, a deadly combination that drives you to feel much bolder, impudent, and confident than you should be in your condition.

He lifts you up in one, swift -although careful- movement before settling himself on the bed with you straddling his lap and hmmm you can feel how much he wants you now. In a moment of reckless bravery, you grind against him and smile smugly at the chocking sound coming from his throat. But your victory is short-lived when you feel a hot breath at the junction of your neck and your shoulder, inhaling your scent. You inhale sharply and a whimper leaves your lips when you feel his teeth -his very sharp teeth- nibble at your skin. A dark, guttural chuckle echo in the room, one filled with sinful promises of pleasure, making your body growing hotter by the second.

“Tell me what you need, and I’ll give it you, Darling,” he purrs in your ear, sounding very much like the embodiment of temptation and immorality most sacred texts describe him as. It drives you insane.

He never did this before, it was -almost- always him that would come to you with need and want, and of course, you never refused him. But now…

“I need-“ now look who’s struggling to form coherent sentences. You can feel him smile against your flesh like the devil he is. “I need you to touch me,” you shudder when his hands grip your thighs once more, except his hold is much more possessive than the previous one. “Hold me, fill me, mark me…” your voice becoming more strained and tense as one of his hands starts to make its way to your heated core. “I want you to fuck me until I forget the pain, and my own name…” The animalistic sound that leaves him sends goosebumps along your skin. You sigh deliriously. “I want you to worship me.”

He leaves your neck to look at you one more time before he completely loses it. You know he wants to check if you’re really sure about this, he’s done it before, and although you’ve never told him to, you know if you asked him to stop now, he would. As much as it would pain him, you know he’d never betray you like this, not only because he loves and respects you too much, but also because your Devil has standards.

When he notices no hesitation or refusal from you, a ravenous and demented smile draws on his lips as he tilts your chin with his free hand to look at you directly in the eyes. You see excitement, lust, and exhilaration in his frenzied gaze and behind it, his undying adoration.

“As you wish, dearest.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You see them not too long after, when you’ve recovered enough to walk on your own, although you sustained no injury on your legs. Though you’re sure some people can tell why you couldn’t use them. The wound on your shoulder is bigger than you thought, starting from your shoulder blade, and almost reaching your hips but the pain is already manageable and you’ve been told no major organ was harmed, so there’s that. You can’t do much about the red angry scar expect apply some ointment every now and then but it’s fine, to demons, scars are not seen as ugly but rather a source of pride and a sign of survival. Not surprising, considering their King was the first to deal with the most painful ones imaginable. Very little got to see them but everyone knew the Fall had taken a lot from him.

Just like he promised, he keeps you near him at all times to the point you quickly forget the notion of personal space but you don’t complain much, considering what happened. Besides, listening to the meetings with the princes and other important figures -on his lap of course- gives you a better insight on how things operate in hell and who you need to be careful of, TK could only spend so much time explaining the basics to you with how busy they were.

All thanks to a certain “housekeeper”…

Ah, thinking about them always lead to a terrible headache, which for some reason you believe them to be aware of. Your last interaction with them goes back to a day or two before the “incident”, they’d been cordial and enthusiastic as usual but something about that smile always kept you on edge. Now you know your cautiousness was not uncalled for. You still want to strangle them but you’d rather drown into that lake again than admit it to their face. You can’t forget the genuine fear in Samael’s voice or the way he trembled against you when he asked you to not go to them.

What exactly did they do to you ?

“Darling ?” A deep voice brings you back to reality and you realize everyone in the room is staring at you -some with more annoyance and hostility than others- and you turn to see the concerned azure gaze of your lover. “Are you alright ?”

You don’ want to lie to him but now is really not the time to mention your doubts and questions. Instead, you smile softly and speak as casually as you can despite the headache growing in intensity.

“I just need some fresh air, don’t worry.”

You can tell he is not fully convinced with how deep his frown is and it gets worse when you try to leave your “seat”. He tenses up and to avoid making a scene you take one of his hands into your own and try to appease his paranoia.

“The balcony is not far, I’ll come back in a few minutes.” You lick your lips. “I promise. Nothing’s gonna happen,” you raise your voice to make sure everyone hears you, “nobody would be stupid enough to try something when you’re here, right ?”

You think you hear a few people chuckle and you don’t need to turn around to guess their derisive smiles. A few moments of silence pass where you stare at the King of Hell with the best puppy eyes you can muster. You know you’ve won when you hear him sigh and nod reluctantly. Slowly, you slip from his lap but before you can make a step, a hand grabs you by the arm causing you to turn around in confusion.

“Five minutes,” is all he says to you, irritation and stress already slipping into his voice. You mentally send an apology to everyone else in the room, knowing what they’ll have to deal with for this short amount of time.

“Of course, I understand.”

You beam at him but right as you’re about to leave, find yourself hit with a very bold and striking idea. You smile deviously under the eyes of a confused King. Dramatically, you kneel before him much like a knight in a fairytale would and take the hand which was holding your arm a few seconds ago into your own and bring it to your lips, not once breaking eye contact with him. He looks at you in stunned silence and wide eyes, his face covered in a delicious shade of blue. As a final move, you drop a chaste kiss on his hand and smile when you hear him inhale sharply.

“I’ll be back soon,” you beath the words fervently against his skin, “My King.”

You stroll out of the room without looking back once and head to the balcony, feeling quite proud -and maybe a bit embarrassed- of your little display despite the dull pain in your skull. You’re fortunate enough to not cross anyone on your way, and exhale slowly once you feel the cold air against your face.

You attempt to distract yourself from your gloomy thoughts with the view and feels the wind to caress your skin in a gentle breeze, it’s calm and peaceful. Until a voice you’re all too familiar with jumps in from behind, and it takes everything in you to refrain yourself from jumping in fright.

“I’m glad you’ve recovered well enough to put little stunts like this !”

You cringe at the friendly, upbeat tone they use and refuse to turn around to gaze at that pretentious smile. Of course, he knows what you did, he always seemed to know where you went and what you did.

“And I’m glad you have enough time on your hands to come and see me,” you retort as casually as possible.

Don’t show your anger, even if he knows, don’t show it.

“Of course, I’ll always free myself for you sweetheart,” he says, voice slightly huskier. “You know I’ll always be there whenever you feel bored.”

There it is, that same charming and bewitching tone he used the first time you met, the one that almost convinced you to follow him to the storage room. And his hair looked so soft, though you’d never touch it, mostly out of fear of what would happen to your fingers if you did. His eyes -well the one visible at least- were so pretty. He was attractive and persuasive for sure, but you always thought he was more than that, and you were right. What would have happened, if you’d followed them that day ?

Ah, I’d rather not think about it…

“Are you giving me the cold shoulder ?” he asks with hurt in his voice, you’re almost convinced it’s genuine. This time, you can’t help but flinch from his wording, and he notices it. “Oops, I shouldn’t have worded it like that, my bad.”

You only sigh at his “apology” and do your best to ignore the footsteps, coming closer and closer to you, slowly, like a snake chasing its unaware prey.

“Come on now, you weren’t so stiff last time we talked.”

You still don’t answer and  hear them hum in amusement at your silence. It’s not very hard to imagine the expression he’s wearing right now, narrowed eyes and a knowing smile. You don’t think you’ve ever seen them truly irritated or angry, and while his smile always unnerved you, you’d rather not discover what he looked like when he got mad.

“You’re acting like I’m the one who stabbed you in the back.”

He’s so close, too close to you for comfort, you feel your body tense as soon as the edge of his tail brushes your leg. Oh, he must be relishing in your agitation.

Fucking bastard…

“It must have been so painful, “ he whispers as one of his nails starts to move along your back. “The feeling of a sharp blade piercing your soft skin, “ he says while his finger starts to trail down the exact line of your scar through your clothes. “and the freezing winds nabbing at the wound while you desperately tried to stay afloat.” His voice drips with sadistic glee, you’re almost sure he’s getting turned on. “And then helplessly drowning with none coming to get you, oh you must have felt truly hopeless, didn’t you, sweetheart ?”

The urge to just throw him over the edge eats you away as a warm breath tickles your neck. But you do your best to sound and act as unbothered by the situation, instead opting for a white lie.

“I wouldn’t know, I don’t remember most of it.”

Bad move, you sense him chuckles against your ear at your admission, as if you’d just confided the most important secret in the world. What kind of sick power did you just allow him to have over you now ?

“Really ?” he muses. “That’s too bad…” he snickers. “Maybe I could help you regain some memories ?”

Fuck, I walked right into that one.

“You know I could  make it feel good, don’t you ?”

You wonder if this is how Eve felt when she was tricked by the snake, in fact you wouldn’t be surprised to learn Flauros turned out to be the one who tempted her at this point. It’s like he was made for the sole purpose of spreading chaos whenever he went.

“I’ll have to decline the offer,” you answer firmly and to your surprise, notice him take a step back. You feel like you can breathe again.

“You’re so boring,” he exclaims, sounding very much like a spoiled kid. “But I knew it’d be like that, this story isn’t centered around me after all.”

You open your mouth to ask for more explanations when a deep, concerned voice reverberates in your head.

“Darling ? Are you on your way back ?”

You answer quickly, knowing very well what will happen if you don’t.

“Sorry, kinda lost track of time, I’m coming !”

“Hurry…please.”

“Give me a minute, I’ll be there soon.”

You’re glad he doesn’t ask more questions; else you’d have had to tell him about the spider standing right behind you and he’s already stressed enough as it is.

“I’m guessing his Highness is calling for you ?” he asks in an ever-knowing voice, still filled with that same fucking arrogance. “Better not make him wait !” he shouts in a disgustingly sweet sing-song voice.

Gross, this really didn’t suit him at all, being a coy little bastard really fits him better. As much as it bothers you, he’s playing the part of the bad guy pretty well, too well you think. As if he’d done this a hundred times over already.

You want to tell him to leave, to take care of all the tasks poor TK is forced to manage on their own, you want to yell at him, bleed him dry, snap his neck. Anything so you don’t have to walk past him and get a glimpse of that cheeky smile, anything for you to forget the image of a dying Samael from your mind. But then it would mean surrendering, admit that you’re terrified of whatever entity they’re supposed to be.

So, with all the strength and courage you still have left, you turn around and sure enough, he’s looking at you the exact way you predicted it. You walk past him, not too fast -less you betray your fear- but not too slow either -less you have to gaze for too long at that sharp, hypnotizing purple eye- . But the words he utters as you stand a few inches from him, cause you to stop dead in your tracks.

“You shouldn’t worry too much about me cutie, I’m only here to act as a small distraction to your little fairytale.” He chuckles. “You should be more concerned about the God who created this world in the first place and the minion who wishes to gain their attention through this story.”

You start to walk again, not fulling grasping his words but still finding some sort of unknown understanding through them. But you still hear him talk, speaking of beings beyond your reality. His voice becoming darker and louder as you get farther away.

“The King may be the current favorite, but who knows when I’ll steal his crown?”

Walk away, don’t turn back

“Up until you grow bored of your prince charming, I’ll be there.”

………….

“Maybe next time, I’ll get to be your Antagonist (: “

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

#Flauros stop fucking with brain challenge

Sorry for any world builing inaccuracies, I did give myself some liberties concerning a few details, feel free to correct me about it Vee.

[yamithediaperdork]

Big Brother Loves you (Digimon)

Matt was riding cloud nine as he got ready for his date with Sora. no one was threatening the digi or real world, things with him and Sora were going great, and the sales of the new lone wolf's CD meant he had money to burn.

There were only two dark clouds in his sunny sky line was the fact TK had become more and more aggressive as of late, and belittling of Matt, because of the second problem: Matt had started bed wetting again.

It wouldn't of been so bad if TK didn't live with Matt, his share of the rent being paid by their parents and likewise for his food. and with school out all TK did was work out and lounge around the apartment while Matt had to mange the lone wolfs, keeping up gigs and doing band practice.

Since the accidents had started TK was always calling Matt 'little brother' or 'baby bro' or worse 'pissy pants' and after the fifth accident had gone out and gotten -4- packs of overnight diapers, using Matt's debit card.

when Matt had gone to say something about it TK had balled up a fist and brought it in like he was gonna punch Matt, making the older boy yelp and almost piss himself.

"That's what I thought. wear these to bed on your own Or I'll diaper you pissy pants. and If I diaper you, you're wearing the diapered till they're wet AND messy." TK had said and his evil smile left NO doubt in Matt's mind that he would follow though.

Still all that was behind him. He had booked a table at one of the finest restaurants in the city for him and Sora and then he'd gotten them a spot at the hottest club in town for drinks and dancing and finally reserved a hotel room for them.

It was going to be the perfect night and just thinking about Matt's head was up in the clouds, in a pair of black dress pants and a light green dress shirt that he didn't notice when TK came in, till his bully of a little brother spoke up.

"Oh my, your all dressed up for tonight! going out with the slut?" TK asked, smirking and leaning against the wall.

"D-Don't call Sora that, and yes, we're going out. Tonight's gonna be the night when we give yourself to each other. she's gonna be my first and I'm gonna be here." Matt said hotly.

"Awww, that's cute! you think she hasn't been ridding cock while waiting on you to build up the nerve to wreck her shit?" TK laughed. "Look baby bro, Let me spare you some time. That bitch has been putting out for any cock she could get her hands on, as long as it's 7 inches or more. Your little 4 inch wonder stands NO chance and let's be honest, your gonna blow your load in your pants before getting that far like you did during that slow dance at Joe's graduation party."

Matt was blushing super bad now, recalling the incident. Sora had been in a stunning gown, he'd been in a tux and halfway though the slow dance he'd creamed his pants so bad he'd stained her dress.

"T-That won't happen this time! Look, you're getting the house all to yourself tonight so just shut up and go plan a party alright?!" Matt huffed and Clenched a fist.

"Wait, your going out overnight? You sure Sora's gonna be ok with your 'little' problem?" TK said, noting Matt's fist and clearly not worried. "I doubt she's gonna wanna keep dating you after you piss on her in your sleep, and ditto when she see's you in your bed time diapies."

"Look asshole, just butt out of it and leave me alone or I'll-" Matt huffed, storming over and trying to get in TK's face, though due to a growth spurt TK was now the taller of them.

"You'll WHAT?" TK asked, and grabbed Matt by the collar with his left arm and hand and lifted him up off his feet and balled his hand into a fist and pulled his right arm back.

Without waiting for a answer Tk's threw the punch, though it stopped JUST in front of Matt's face the effect was instant and a hissing was heard as Matt's crotch dampened, then piss ran down his legs and puddled on the floor.

"That's what I thought bitch. I think your girlfriend deserves a night out with a real man." TK said and dropped Matt onto his ass, into the smelly puddle. "Get that mess cleaned up and then take a shower and meet me in my room. I'm gonna get you ready for the night."

With the mess cleaned up and Matt in the shower, TK listened to the soft sobs of shame and smiled even as he picked up his cell phone and starting to make a text message.

He'd gotten Sora's number from Matt's phone awhile back, and they had chatted off and on with TK asking her not to tell Matt he was messaging her, claiming Matt was the jealous type. So it was child's play to not only write a message explaining the full details of what kind of a loser Matt was, but to send her a few pictures of Matt in all his diaper bitch glory.

TK: Hey Sora, heard bout you and Matt's special night and I think there are some things you need to know about him.

Sora: Oh hey TK.

Like what?

TK: Well you already know he's a quick shot lol

Did he tell you how small he is?

Sora: LOL everyone knows about the quick shot thing.

Wait why do you know his cock size?

just how close are you two!?

TK: Well I know how 'big' he is because of his other other problem. He's a bed wetter and wears diapers to bed

Sora: LOL

Nice try TK

If your jealous just say so.

TK: Hey I'm not just blowing smoke. I got pictures and a video of him humping his huggies.

Sora: Surrre you do.

TK smirked and select a few of his favorite Matt pictures. one with him in just a diaper, on his back, hugging a teddy bear and sucking on his thumb in his sleep.

Anther with him holding a clearly soaked diaper away from him, holding it with just his index finger and thumb and holding his nose, in just a old white t-shirt.

and his favorite and most damning, Matt blushing and eyes closed, holding out a diaper and making it look like he was asking whoever took the picture (AKA him) to diaper him.

Sora: OMG O.O

TK: Still think I'm lying? XD

Sora: What the fuckkkk.. This looks less like bed wetting and more like he's a big fucking baby!!!!!

TK: XD well to be fair he loved being teased and treated like a little guy, so sometimes I wonder if he's still bed wetting.

or just using it as a excuse for huggies.

Sora: Wait, you said there was a video?

Let me see!!!

TK: heh, ok. it's about 5 min. long. perfect timing because piddle pants just got out of the shower after wetting himself LOL.

With the video sent to Sora, TK set his phone down and tugged out the extra pack of diapers he kept under his bed in case Matt ever tried to get out of wearing by saying he had used up all the ones in his room.

unlike Matt's normal bedtime diaper though, these were three times thicker and instead of being a basic white they had a nursery print on them.

there was a knock on his door and then it opened, and TK smirked, with the pack of 'little wussies, the baby diaper for big boys' sitting out on his bed and watching Matt's eyes go big and wide as he say what he would be wearing.

"T-TK no! please!" Matt mewed, his towel dropped to the floor and on his knees, hands together and begging. "I can't wear a diaper THAT thick out! Sora will notice fore sure! I'll be a good boy and wear one of the other diapers!"

TK thought about it for a second, but with Sora already told he figured it was too late for that fun.

"Relax Matt, I swear, Your not going out tonight in one of these diapers.Or in any diapers for that matter." TK said, coming over and tugging his so called big brother to his feet, a look of relief washing over Matt's face then replaced with confusion.

"Then.. why did you ha-" he started to ask, but TK cut him off.

"Because your not going out tonight. you're going to stay home and be tucked in bed save and sound like the little guy you are. I'M going to go out on your date with Sora and fuck her rotten..all on your dime." TK said and smirked.

"I..what!? Sora would NEVER agree to that! you can't do this!" Matt fumed and stomped a food.

"that's where your wrong. I might of texted her and gave her the impression your a closet diaper baby and she's more then a little shock. Right now she's watching a video of you humping your diapers while lisping about how much you love them." TK chuckled.

"But..but..You MADE me do that, you said if I didn't you were gonna kick my ass and lock me out for the night!!" Mat whined.

"Well -YOU- know that. and -I- know that. But who do you think Sora's gonna believe? the stud or the bed wetting loser?" TK asked smirking then giving Matt a look."Now, Your going in one of these diapers and your gonna pose for a picture to send to Sora one way or anther. we can do this the easy way where you let me do what I want, or the hard way where I spank your butt red and diaper you and take a picture anyways. Since I'm gonna get laid tonight I'm feeling generous and I'll let you pick: good boy or bad boy?"

Matt balled up his fists, looking ready to fright, starting to take a fighting stance.. then just dropped it and slumped forward, head hanging down.

"...I'll be a good boy." Matt said in a defeated voice, even as tears started to slide down his cheeks.

"Smart choice Mattie."

Sora couldn't believe what she was seeing as she watched the video over and over, waiting on TK to come back. Her so called stud in a diaper and humping his bed, moaning and coo'ing how much he 'wuv'ed his diapies' till he cried out and clearly creamed himself.

Sora was torn as she watched the video. On one hand she was upset that Matt had hidden this from her, She'd of never picked him over Tai if she had known he was a goo goo gaga diaper dork.

But on the other he WAS kinda cute in a pathetic sort of way and he WAS making decent coin.

"I suppose I could just blackmail to pay me to keep his dirty little secret." Sora mused out loud.

that DID leave her without a man though, Making her frown a little till she recalled just how in shape TK was and he was pretty good looking.

"then again small dicks might run in the family." she mused.

her phone buzzed and when she looked at the messages she was treated to a picture of Matt in just a babyish and thick diaper, tear stained cheek and holding up a sign that read 'plz dump me and go out with TK, He's hung.'

And to prove the point neck to Matt's tear stained face was a thick and long cock, ready to rub on the loser's cheek.

"..Well that settles that."

Still something like this shouldn't be done over a text, she was a proper lady after all and called TK's number instead.

As the phone rang TK smirked, tugging his pants back up and looking over at Matt.

"I wonder who that could be~" he snickered and answered. "Hello? Oh hey Sora... yeah that was my cock.... Uh-huh I thought as much. Sure you can still come over. I'll be getting a shower in and getting dressed for the night after I get the baby fed and put to bed." TK said, glancing over at a clock showing it was only 5:45 pm. "Hmm? Oh yeah, he's right here. Of course you can talk to him!"

Tk pulled the phone away from his ear and smirked at the sniffling Matt and held it out.

"It's for you diaper boy, Your 'girlfriend' wants to talk."

Matt whined and reached out, shaking as he took the cell phone and slowly put it to his ear.

"H-Hi Sora..L-Look I ca-" he started, but was cut off.

"There's nothing to explain Matt. I know everything. while I'll admit your a cute little pamper packer,I'm more into men who can get their rocks off without having to be pampered. So consider this your noticed that we're done, over, No more. I'll still come by and tease you but I'm going to be dating TK from now on." Sora said, a sharp edge to her voice and Matt felt the tears starting up again.

"But..but.." he whimpered.

"No butt's diaper boy. Now I will be nice and keep your love of huggies to myself and save your music career from flopping but my silence isn't for free. you're going to be spoiling me like the princess I am. Understood?" She asked.

"..I..Yes Sora." Matt whimpered and sobbed. "C-Can we at least still be friends?"

"heh, Awww~ How cute..and I'm gonna say not really. I'll put up with you when i've over there to be with TK but that's about it. I'm not gonna go out of my way to talk to you or be nice but I will make a effort not to make you cry, mostly because I hate the sound of bawling babies. Maybe if your a good boy and super spoil me I'll watch you hump a stuffie or whatever it is diaper losers like you do. Anyways, that's all I had to say to you, put your BIG brother back on the phone."

Matt was sobbing too hard at this point to say anything and rubbing his eyes with one hand, he held out the phone with the other.

TK took it back and ruffled Matt's hair.

"Thanks buddy. why don't you go and make yourself a bowl of cereal for your supper while the adults talk." TK said and Matt could hear Sora laughing.

Too defeated to argue, Matt nodded and started to stand up.

"what do you think your doing Mattie? In this house babies CRAWL." TK said.

Matt just whimpered and nodded, and on all fours crawled out of the room.

Tummy full of milk and cheerio's, Matt was put in a light green t-shirt that read 'diaper bitch' on the front in black text and was given a cock sharped pacifier with a green mouth guard to suck on, the dick being only 3 inches thankfully.

"There, you can picture it's yours and your getting a blow job as you got night night." TK snickered as he tucked Matt into his bed.

there was still sunlight coming into the room, even with his curtains closed.

"now I expect you to have that paci in your mouth and for that same diaper to still be on when I get back tomorrow morning, and I signed my name on the back of that diaper. I'll know if you removed it or changed it." TK warned.

Matt mewed and suckled on his paci and nodded he understood.

"I'll be taking your wallet of course and spoiling Sora, but if your a good little boy I might get you some baby toys. Have a good sleep loser, and dream about the pounding your EX girlfriend is gonna get." TK said and kissed Matt's forehead and headed for the door.

Pausing in the door frame he paused and looked over his shoulder.

"Oh and one last thing..remember big brother loves you~"

the end

[maybe-theres-hope]

Of Will and Wildflowers, Interlude - Carlos: “Indecision”

-Hello all. I debated about ever having this see the light of day, as I wrote it as sort of a character study to keep myself honest while writing the main story, which I always intended to be single POV for the drama of it all. 

However, in my heart I feel like I owe you all at least something for how long you’ve waited for the conclusion to this story (I originally intended to post the whole thing before the season even started and...here we are lol), and I figured you’d appreciate this. It doesn’t spoil anything, so don’t be afraid to read if that’s something you’re worried about (unless of course you haven’t read the story at all, in which case here you go!). It’s just a glimpse into Carlos’ psyche in this AU. 

This takes place the second night of the Strand’s visit, after TK and Carlos take their first journey around the grounds that ends in the apple orchard, and subsequently Elena spilling that Mr. de Castillo will be joining them soon.

This is for all those who have encouraged me so much with this story, and I promise you all you will get the conclusion! Life has just gotten in the way so much lately :( @oquinn53, @reyeslonestar, @howtosingit, @a-l-ias, @mtnofgrace, @descending-into-the-crazies if I missed you let me know please! I love you all :)

Carlos was having difficulty dressing for dinner, and it wasn’t because of the fiddly fastenings of his waistcoat.

TK Strand was…The man was…

Carlos was also having difficulty with full sentences, even ones inside his own head.

The morning they’d shared had been as if from a dream, or a fairytale from one of Raquel’s storybooks. Every time TK smiled at the vast landscape of Carlos’ home, every time his eyes lit up at the brush of scent from the wildflowers hitting his nose, Carlos was arrested. Time stood frozen for a few moments in which he could admire the man before him at his leisure, when he could ascend to a higher plane of aesthetic dominated by the gentle slope of TK’s jaw.

Carlos had also to admit to himself—if not out loud just yet—that there was also the man’s intellect, not just his beautiful face and impeccable seat on a horse, that drew Carlos’ attention. When Carlos had asked him of his life in New York, TK had for some reason shied away from speaking of his father’s company and his own part in it, as Carlos might have expected from a man of business on a business trip. Instead, he talked of Central Park and the Fifth Avenue Hotel, and how the architecture compared to that which he’d seen on their journey through the South. He spoke of the air surrounding them and how clean it smelled, even though Carlos knew they were downwind from a herd and they both knew it.

The man was charming in his innocence and captivating in his depth in turns, and Carlos could hardly bear to look away or allow himself to speak in his turn when TK asked him a question about this landmark or that bit of wildlife.

They’d passed the morning gently ambling along wherever the horses saw fit to take them, talking of everything and nothing, and it had been glorious. And their picnic…their picnic! Carlos had never worshipped Mrs. Smith’s blackberry jam quite as much as when he caught a glimpse of it clinging to the side of TK’s mouth just before a deft tongue slipped out to take it away. He was quite taken aback at the weight of his infatuation, to be honest. He’d not ever had occasion to fall so fast into regard for someone, and it was at times disorienting and grounding. His body felt as if it had been given over to some mystical force, using its hands to ensure the movement of his heart when it stopped itself at the sight of TK’s smile in the sunshine and guiding his eyes to alight once more upon TK’s handsome profile.

The apple orchard had been…a risk. Carlos simply could no longer help himself in his desire to be near this man. He made every clandestine endeavor to brush a shoulder or knee or knuckle as they walked. Holding TK’s hand properly to help him down from Flor’s saddle was akin to ascension to the clouds beyond.

His hand still tingled when he thought of it.

Was this what everyone referred to when they spoke of love? Surely not. He’d only known the man for two days. And yet.

And yet.

Just then a knock at his bedroom door startled him out of his thoughts, which he was secretly glad of.

After a word of acquiescence from Carlos, Christina passed through the door before shutting it again behind her quietly. Her face still held a small trace of trepidation in it when she caught his gaze, and he was instantly reminded of the scene on the porch when they’d arrived back from their tour of the property.

Fernando was coming, and that muddied his thoughts more than all the rest.

“I came to see how you were faring, and I see it’s just as I suspected,” she offered in greeting. She stood in the middle of the room with her hands clasped against her skirts, looking at him in earnest.

“And what did you suspect?”

“You’re warring inside your own head as we speak. Your thoughts are plain as day on your face. As is your utter admiration for our handsome Mr. Strand. Don’t try to deny it, I know you far better than you wish.”

“That is the truth,” he muttered with a sigh. “What am I to do?”

“About what? Your obvious inclination toward Mr. Strand? Or your equally obvious promise to Mr. de Castillo?”

“There was no promise!” He flopped himself down on the bed, dressing forgotten for the moment. They’d had this argument before. “It is merely an understanding, built upon mutual need. We can just as easily misunderstand each other as well.”

“But you’re not that kind of man, Carlos. You don’t go back on your word,” she replied, her expression turning miserable. She was perhaps the only one who truly understood what had been going on in his head when he’d made the promise in the first place. Christina was also possibly the only one who truly understood why he was warring over it now. She could read his face, his tone of voice, the shape of his stance like a book.  Sometimes he hated it, but for the moment he was quite glad to not have to articulate the particulars of this struggle in bare words. He was content to skirt around the topic they both knew was on his mind with veiled hints and euphemisms.

“I know. So, esteemed elder sister, what should I do?”

She came closer and laid a hand upon his shoulder, her face still a picture of commiseration.

“You should do what every gentleman and lady wishes they could do, but for which they all lack the courage.” He stared at her, waited for her to elaborate. “You should follow your heart.”

“I can see now why all those other gentlemen and ladies lack the courage! I am damned if I do anything. If I keep my word to Fernando, I will be secure but restless, adrift, unfulfilled and bound to endure it, and it will be no fault of his but completely my own. He is a good man, and he does not deserve my indifference.”

“But he would have it anyway, would he not? You don’t—“

“You’re right, I do not. But that is not the point!”

“I thought it was? And what should happen if you break your word?” Her eyes seemed to bore into his skull despite the soft brown of her irises.

“I…” Words seemed to slip away on the wind from the open window. He thought again of TK asking about the wildflowers, how his smile lit up the landscape more than the rising sun. He could picture a thousand mornings spent just as they had this one, or perhaps instead of combing Carlos’ family homeland on horseback, they would promenade in Central Park among the birds and trees. They would walk arm in arm with no destination, just the inclination to be together in the bright spring air. He would utter some quip about the couple across the way just to hear the bells of TK’s laughter. TK would point out some high society maiden and they’d remark—under their breath of course—about the ridiculousness of her hat. At the end of each day they would return home together to sit by a roaring fire and talk into the night about everything and nothing before lying down beside each other and drifting into dreams that could do nothing to rival their waking lives.

The picture abruptly vanished at the thought of Fernando, however. Carlos was right, the man did not deserve to be slighted after all he’d done to assure Carlos of a life beyond his mother’s death and Rosa’s inheritance. Fernando was handsome, kind, and the catch of the century. Anyone would be envious of Carlos’ position.

Except Carlos.

Christina, who had been heretofore silent while her brother ruminated in his thoughts, finally sat beside him on the bed and slipped her arm into his, laying her head upon his shoulder.

“I know it’s not ideal, but you have to choose the path that puts your heart at ease, the one you can live with for the rest of your life. If you do that, you’ll be content. If you go against your own heart, you’ll never know peace.”

The problem was, Carlos couldn’t make sense of what his heart wanted in the slightest, and because of that he was frozen in indecision.

[justapoet]

Infinity times infinity

For years, it lost its magic. Looking up was just useless and he was happy to avoid more questions without answers because those related to the Earth itself were already exhausting enough to keep him awake at night. And, then, TK happened.

or

Carlos loves stars, and he, somehow, found them inside of the most beautiful irises he's ever seen.

2.2k

read on AO3

There's something about the nights that makes Carlos's mind feel light and peaceful. Since he was a child, even more as a teenager, he'd sit on his parent's house's balcony and stare at the sky for hours until his father called him back in, so he wouldn't mess up his sleep schedule too much.

Yet, he'd spend most nights looking out his window thinking; about the stars and the most random things. He'd spend sleepless nights naming constellations and trying to remember the myth behind each one, explaining to his own shadow under the silver glow of the moon. His cellphone used to always have notes and pictures of planets and galaxies, his calendar always marking the nights and days when some astronomic event would happen so he could convince his mother to let him stay awake the whole night.

When he joined the police academy, though, he stopped thinking about it. Carlos didn't even notice when he stopped looking up, but somehow, when he did, it started to make his neck ache enough for him to give up soon. He didn't search for constellations or planets anymore and no longer knew when it would happen a meteor shower or a red moon, and his cellphone's gallery also didn't have pictures of anything related to space.

For years, it lost its magic. Looking up was just useless and he was happy to avoid more questions without answers because those related to the Earth itself were already exhausting enough to keep him awake at night.

And, then, TK happened. After years without looking up, there was TK Strand, who would drive him crazy and make him come up with more questions without a single answer and sometimes without even a question mark, making him doubt all of his steps and sentences. Then, all of a sudden, there was this beautiful firefighter with terrible luck, a gorgeous smile, and the most beautiful eyes Carlos has ever seen in his twenty-seven years of life.

TK happened and, somehow, looking up and forward didn't seem to ache anymore.

Oh, well; if being honest, TK happened, and looking down was way more painful when they were riding an ambulance with a bleeding wound on TK's abdomen and sirens blaring on the streets. Seeing the pain clouding those pretty eyes hurt way too much and, yet, he needed to ― someone needed to keep him awake.

"C'mon, babe; you have to keep your eyes open. You know the drill" Carlos said again, probably for the fifth time in five minutes. "Keep your beautiful eyes open for me, uh?"

"'ou like m'eyes?" TK grumbled. Carlos hummed in agreement. "Why?" his voice was low and full of pain, and he winced as Tommy touched close to the wound. Carlos squeezed the paramedic's hand in his, smiling quite embarrassed.

"There's this, uh... Planetary nebula, a young one. It's called Butterfly Nebula because of its wing-like appearance, a few more than three thousand light-years from us ― from Earth ―, on the Scorpio constellation" he started, shyly. His words caught TK's attention immediately, those big green eyes, even filled with pain, focused on Carlos' worried and beautiful face. Tommy, beside them, seemed to be curious, too, about where the conversation was going.

"It's one of the most complex planetary nebulas ever found, you know?" he asked, smiling little. "And the colors seem to change, too. Some pictures of it show us a dark nebula with points of light, some red, blue, and a lot of shades of orange" TK frowned, and Carlos could tell that this time, it wasn't because of the pain, but because he couldn't understand how it was related to his eyes. "My favorite thing about it is that it always, in every single picture, has shades of green light close to the center of it and on its edges"

Carlos chuckled a little when both Tommy and TK let out an "oh" with a sigh. He looked at their entangled hands before starting to speak again.

"I used to think that, if I looked through a telescope, as a kid, I'd be able to see it," he said, smiling nostalgically. "My father would tell me it was impossible and it would only give me an aching neck, and my mother would say that some things are just out of reach" he shrugged before looking up again, meeting those unfairly green eyes. "Turns out they were both wrong"

TK pressed his lips together, and Carlos could tell that there were new tears in his boyfriend's eyes in a second. The beeping sound around them went a little faster, and Tommy turned her head and smiled towards them both, focusing on Carlos for a second. He blushed, knowing that it was TK's heart racing for what he'd just said.

They got to the hospital minutes later, and Carlos was left in the same waiting room he always ended up in as they carried TK away to another surgery. He let a few tears fall before trying to breathe steadily again, his leg bouncing with anxiety brought by the uncertainty. No matter how many times he ended up there with the same questions and situations, he could never calm his heart and mind down until he had a concrete answer, and Carlos knew well enough that he wouldn't have it for a few hours.

When, hours later, they were all allowed to check up on TK ― the team had arrived after their shift ended ―, Carlos stood close to the window as his boyfriend drifted back to sleep. He looked up at the sky that night and counted constellations until a nurse came in to check the man's vitals. Then, he sat back at the bedside and took TK's hand in his, spending another sleepless night counting the dots on TK's arm.

From that day on, he'd find himself constantly looking up when the sunset on the horizon gave the sky away to the moon. He could tell TK was curious, slightly worried about Carlos' silence most nights, so the cop would just hold tight to him and kiss him slowly. TK didn't complain about that ― he could never ―, and he didn't ask either. Carlos mentally thanked him for that, otherwise, he wouldn't know what to tell his boyfriend.

It was nostalgic, now, to sit on his balcony and look up at the dark skies above him. It was a Friday night, both TK and him out of a twenty-four-hour shift, and it was silent and peaceful. Carlos sat on the ground, and his knees were brought close to his chest, his chin resting over his folded arms. 

He wasn't searching for anything specific, although his eyes could easily name one or two constellations immediately. It was late, already past midnight, and he couldn't tell how much time he spent in that position on the balcony.

At some moment, though, he felt a warm hand on his shoulder, and then a cup filled with a smokey liquid was put in front of his face. A second after his hands were around the cup, a warm body was next to his and big, bright eyes were staring at his profile. He smiled while looking at the sweet tea, the smell filling his lungs, and then looked back at the sky.

"Trying to find a nebula?" TK asked, his voice low and sweet. Carlos chuckled, shaking his head politely.

"Remembering my favorite stars," he said, and TK looked at him with curiosity, waiting for more explanation. "I used to love looking up at the sky and naming all the stars and constellations I could remember"

"Used to?" TK asked.

"I stopped looking up at some point in my life" Carlos shrugged. "Imagining any other worlds started to be painful".

TK didn't answer Carlos' words, processing them in a painful moment. He analyzed the man's face carefully, each edge and spot filling his heart with a fast, welcoming, and safe feeling, and each one of his words filling his chest with heaviness and some kind of gray cloud.

Slowly, he bent his head to the side so it was carefully placed on Carlos' shoulder. The cop took a sip of his tea, his head lightly leaning against TK's, his eyes still focused up at the stars as if he would miss something truly important if he ever stopped looking. TK found it adorable, one of his hands touching Carlos' arm and his fingers wrapping on his long-sleeve t-shirt.

"The butterfly nebula?" his voice was barely a whisper, and a tiny shy smile took over the latino's lips. "Do my eyes really remind you of it?"

Carlos nodded.

"That's probably the best compliment I've ever received in my entire life," TK said, the joke being said with a quite bitter truth behind it. "And what you've been searching for in the sky, now?" he asked once Carlos tangled their fingers together, kissing the back of the new yorker's hand.

"I'm not searching for anything," he said, slowly shaking his head. "Just wondering" concluded, and TK turned his head to place his chin on the cop's shoulder.

"What about?" questioned.

"About how... You know, we have more than we can count, on the Universe. More stars than we can put in numbers, more planets than we can put in names, and more mystery than we can put in theory" Carlos said, sighing. "There are more possibilities than we will ever imagine, and more life than we will ever be able to put among births and deaths. And, yet, here we are" he seemed lost in a trail of thoughts. "Putting time in clocks, names in stars and lives inside boxes. It's insane that, with everything we could discover, this tiny little space, this minimal planet... This tiny piece of nothing drifting in the edge of the Universe is everything we have"

He stopped, and TK absorbed the words calmly. It was something to think about, indeed, all of the things we praise so much being just a little thing, a grain of sand ― or maybe that's too much ― in the middle of something way bigger than we could ever imagine.

"And yet?" TK asked, knowing his boyfriend way too much to supposed he was finished with his thoughts. Carlos smiled gently, and TK felt the heart-melting feeling inside of his chest.

"And, yet, I wouldn't trade it for anything" Carlos stated, and TK could only admire him with a silly and loving smile.

Carlos squeezed TK's hand in his.

"So, I was just wondering about how, among uncountable stars, planets, stars, nebulas," he started, and TK smiled sweetly once again. "Among all of the possibilities inside and out of the way we see the Universe, among all the time in its totality; life, death, whatever time is," he said, still looking up. Then, his eyes went down and his face softened even more as his beautiful, dark, brown irises met TK's green, light ones. "How, on Earth and out of it, did I have luck enough to find you?"

In a second, TK lost his breath and ability to speak. His eyes widened a little, his chin no longer using Carlos' shoulder as support when his mouth just went open in incredulity with the weight those words had. He didn't even realize when tears gathered at the edges of his eyes, his heart insanely beating inside his ribcage with strength enough he could swear his ribs would break.

It didn't last more than five seconds, TK knew it, but for a moment it felt like forever. Carlos watched, a sweet smile taking over his lips and a purely joyful sparkle glimmering on his eyes as TK processed the words and, in seconds, threw himself against Carlos.

The cop laughed, his arms quickly wrapping TK's waist to pull him closer and his lips happily parting so TK could kiss him the way he wanted to. He felt something in his chest exploding, and he could only imagine that, whatever it was, it was just as bright as his boyfriend's smile between kisses.

Because Carlos could never imagine, as a child, that he would love someone the way he always heard love was. He couldn't convince himself that, somehow, among all things they could have, a feeling so pure and especial would be a possibility. Something so good, so unbelievably safe and warm could be his.

And, somehow, now TK was in his arms, kissing him breathlessly and caring, making him feel as if all the questions he ever made had an answer. They didn't, he knew it deep down, and he didn't really give it much importance as TK curled himself against Carlos, breathing deep as his nose went to the crook of the cop's neck.

"I love you," TK said. "The stars are witnesses to this" his voice was a low whisper against Carlos' skin, and he could only smile widely and hold TK close as they both looked back up at the skies.

"They'll forever be" Carlos answered, and he could tell TK was smiling.

There's something about the nights that makes Carlos's mind feel light and peaceful.

There's something about TK that makes Carlos feel infinite.

[reyesstrand]

let your heart be light

tarlos & firefam dynamics / teen+ / 2.6k

To be fair, TK wasn’t sure what to expect for his first holiday season in Austin. But he has his dad, he has his team, he has Carlos—and it’s enough.

@911giftexchange for @teaamfreewill — i hope you enjoy this AJ, and have a happy holiday season!!! 💗

ALSO AVAILABLE ON AO3!!

“It just doesn’t feel right without snow.”

Paul looks at him with that ever-present, all-knowing look in his eyes, before letting out a sigh and nodding. “You’re telling me, New York.”

“Like,” TK starts, fully aware that he’s gravitating into rambling status at this point, but he can never stop himself. He rests a foot on the bottom rung of the shopping cart, leaning his weight against the handle as Paul analyzes the nutritional facts on two different brands of steel-cut oats. “It doesn’t feel like the holidays without at least one storm that makes you question your existence.”

Humming in agreement, Paul puts one package back on the shelf and tosses the other in the cart, before hesitating and grabbing a few more of the pale-blue bags before they're good to move on to produce. When there's a comfortable lull in conversation, both of them crossing items off the list his dad's very carefully crafted for the bi-weekly shopping trips, TK lets his mind drift to holidays past.

His parents wanted him to grow up with both the tradition of celebrating Hanukkah and Christmas, but as he grew older, Decembers tended to blur into every other month. He'd always call his mom if he was working late, smiling down at photos she'd send him of her attempts to perfect her grandmother's recipe for sufganiyot, always making his stomach rumble. And, even if she was out of the city at the time, she'd always send him a box of homemade pastries and a card with a lengthy message inscribed inside that'd make him feel warmed from the inside out. And his dad would always make him at least come for a dinner on the twenty-fifth, even if dinner was just takeout eaten straight out of the cartons while they watched the Christmas parade he always recorded.

They were simple traditions, but they were theirs.

In Austin, TK's slowly getting used to calling it home. The snow thing had been the first to strike him, because while he's seen his fair share of strange Texan weather, not waking up to white covering every surface and bitter cold nipping at his skin has been throwing him for a loop. 

"Earth to TK," Paul says, tossing him a bell pepper. TK catches it, rolling his eyes playfully at his friend. "We should start figuring out a place and time for the Not-Christmas dinner."

"Carlos offered his place," TK says, without thinking. Paul just grins at him. 

"That seems to be going well, huh?" Paul asks, hip-checking TK as they walk side-by-side to the checkout. TK feels his face go warm, though he busies himself with adjusting the rolled sleeves of his black t-shirt, printed with the 126 crest over his heart. Paul just musses up his hair before ducking out of grasp for retaliation, sidling up to the cashier and offering his big smile at her while she begins to ring them up. "I'm happy for you, kid. We all are." 

TK does smile at that, because it's the one shining light in all of this. He hadn't been sure what a holiday season with a new boyfriend would be like, especially when every single one of his friends were also friends with said boyfriend, but they've all been relatively tame. No shoving them under the mistletoe yet, which TK guesses is only a matter of time. 

"Anyway," Paul says, and TK sticks his hands into his pockets, suddenly glad Marjan isn't here to poke at his pink cheeks. 

"Anyway," TK agrees. "Carlos did offer to let us use his place, though. He suggested the twenty-second, so that way people could still go see their families." 

"The twenty-second it is," Paul smiles, already typing the date into their group chat, followed by five question marks. Because Carlos thought ahead for these things, TK knows they're all already going to be on one of their twenty-four-hour off periods; Carlos works that morning but will be home by noon, and as long as TK has detailed instructions, he won't have a problem starting the food early. 

A small knot forms deep in TK's chest, even though he knows there's still two weeks before the proposed group dinner. He just thanks the cashier after paying with the credit card his dad gave him before they left the station an hour ago, and they head back out into the sunny, barely-cool, snowless, December afternoon. 

***

TK's just hanging up with his mom, absently kicking at a rock in the lot just outside the bay doors, when he feels someone creep up behind him. 

He doesn't even blink, though, because he smells sandalwood and tangy citrus and is smiling before he feels familiar arms settle around him. He tells his mom I love you, too, and stuffs his phone in his pocket and leans back into Carlos' touch, for half a moment, before turning in his arms and pressing their foreheads together. 

"Did you know you're impossible to shop for?" 

TK grins, and presses a quick kiss to the corner of Carlos' mouth before pulling back enough to look him in the eye. "What a welcoming statement after not seeing each other for twenty-seven hours." 

Carlos rolls his eyes affectionately, and tightens his hold around TK's middle. "I missed you, Ty." 

"I missed you too," TK grins, cupping Carlos' face between his palms and finally closing the distance between them properly. "But I do take offence to that. I'm perfect in every way." 

Carlos huffs a laugh against his mouth and presses in for one more kiss, before scraping his blunt nails against the fine hairs at TK's nape. "Believe me, I know, sweetheart." 

He feels a pleasant ripple shoot through him, and TK's struck again by the fact that he gets to have this. He's close enough to see the flecks of gold in Carlos' warm brown eyes, and he wonders how it's only been three months because he feels like he's known him forever. He thinks of decorating with Marjan today and the sudden pang of homesickness that he couldn't quite explain. 

"You okay?" Carlos asks, because he can read even the most microscopic of his expressions like the back of his own hand. TK covers it up with a smile. 

"Yeah, of course," TK brushes his thumb along Carlos' jaw, before standing back, dragging his hand down the length of Carlos' arm so he could grab his hand and tangle their fingers together. "Come on, I'll buy you dinner." 

"My prince," Carlos plays along, hand over his heart, but there's still a look in his eyes. He runs his thumb over the backs of TK's knuckles, and when TK squeezes his hand tighter, he gets a small smile in return. 

***

They'd realized sometime between Thanksgiving and the first of December that they'd have to celebrate as a team, this year. 

The non-denominational, coined-by-Mateo "Not-Christmas Dinner" idea was agreed upon pretty quickly, and TK is beyond excited to start creating new traditions with his family. But he's struggling, is the thing. He wouldn't ever mention it to anyone because he hates stressing them out, and though he has no urge to do anything stupid because for the first time in a while he's happy—like, really fucking happy—he can't help but to feel like everything has to be perfect. 

It boils down to this: he misses his mom like crazy, even though she stayed with him and his dad for a couple weeks back in September when he was still healing. He's finally getting back on track with his dad, after long nights of hashing things out about his childhood. And he and Alex never did much for the holidays save for giving each other a couple gifts because they could never work out how to spend an equal amount of time with both of their families—which, in hindsight, is yet another element of the two and a half years TK lost to the man he thought was his soulmate—but now with Carlos he just wants things to be special. They already have plans to visit Carlos' mom and sisters on Christmas Eve, and Owen had lovingly coerced Carlos into a Strand family dinner on Christmas Day. 

It just feels like a lot. 

"Hey, are you okay?" Marjan asks, bumping his shoulder with hers as she strolls into Carlos' kitchen. The twenty-second kind of crept up on TK, and now he's here, attempting to hold down the fort while Carlos makes a last-minute trip to the store. His kitchen's a homey space, and, like the rest of his boyfriend's place, it's tastefully decorated with garland and candles and little angel statues that have been passed down through his family. There's a photo of the two of them on Carlos' fridge, pressed together at a pumpkin patch they'd spent a date night at back in October, and TK gets a little lost in the memory. Marjan has to nudge him a little harder to get him to snap back into it. "TK?" 

"Oh, hey," TK smiles at her, and goes back to making sure that the green beans don't stick to the bottom of the pan. She claims a burner of her own to keep her tagine warm, leaning back against the counter with her arms folded over her chest. 

"You're spacing out a bit," Marjan says, and when TK keeps his eyes trained on the vegetables he swore he could handle, she just makes a small noise and places a hand on his shoulder. "You've been a little quiet lately."

There's a pause, where neither of them say anything, before Marjan drops her voice a little and adds:

"Hey, you know you can talk to me, right?" 

"I'm just—" TK shakes his head and bites at the inside of his cheek, turning down the heat to try and kill more time.

He doesn't know how to tell her—and the rest of them—that he's both so thankful for this family he's found and so, so terrified of messing it all up. Thankfully, he doesn't have to; there's a knock at the door and Marjan offers to get it, leaving TK alone with a soft smile. He sighs, and closes his eyes for a long moment. 

***

After food has been served, and gifts have been exchanged, they all sit around Carlos' living room. The conversations overlap like they always do, and TK sits comfortably under the glow of the light from the tree and the warmth of Carlos' arm thrown over his shoulder. He's slowly picking at a piece of Grace's pecan pie, and he knows he should just let himself get lost in the moment, but he can't. He taps his foot at a staccato beat against the floor, and even when Carlos throws him a questioning look and settles his hand on TK's knee, he doesn't stop. 

He finally excuses himself ten minutes later. 

Carlos' place has a nice little backyard area, where they've all gathered for parties and after-work hangouts countless times. It's a little chilly as the sun's gone down, and TK sighs out loud and sees his breath puff out in front of him. He smiles just a little, and kicks his foot against the porch, dropping down onto the steps. 

He's expecting Carlos to come after him; or maybe Marjan, or his dad. Instead it's Grace who settles down next to him, a hand splayed over her four-month pregnant belly. 

"Honey," she starts, and TK ducks his head. His eyes burn, and he roughly sniffs. "TK. You don't have to hide whatever you're thinking from us." 

He takes a deep breath, and scrubs a hand down his face. And then he says: "I don't want to bring down your mood." 

Grace gives him one of her warm smiles. "TK, every day I'm reminded why you and my husband get along so well." 

TK rolls his eyes and gently nudges her arm with his shoulder. 

"Now tell me what's wrong," Grace says, and TK rubs the back of his neck before he starts talking. 

He tells her everything. About how the holidays usually meant bickering with Alex. How it meant celebrating with both of his parents, sure, but also dealing with awkward dinners with their new significant others. About how he hasn't felt this good since he was a kid and he doesn't want to fuck it up. 

"You could never fuck it up," Grace tells him, squeezing his hand that she's been holding between both of hers. TK meets her eyes and finds nothing but sincerity, nothing but the warmth and reassurance that always seems to be there. "Never. And know that all of us in there don't care about perfect as long as we have you, as long as we're all together. Now, I'm going to send that beautiful man of yours out here so you can talk to him, because he's been worried." 

At that exact moment, they hear the telltale creak of the door opening; both of them glance over their shoulders and spot Carlos. 

He moves to leave, lifting a hand in apology. "Sorry to interrupt—" 

"I was just leaving," Grace says, getting to her feet and squeezing TK's shoulder for a brief moment. When she disappears back into the house, Carlos takes her spot, and wordlessly presses a lingering kiss to TK's temple. 

"Ty," Carlos starts, and TK stops him in his tracks with a kiss. 

"I'm sorry for being distant, lately," TK murmurs half against his lips, because even though he knows that Carlos has seen him pretty close to his worst he hates the thought of pulling him down; of making him unhappy. "I'm just—it's been so long since I've had this. And I've never had someone like you. I was so worried about not messing things up that I got in my head." 

"Hey," Carlos whispers, getting TK to look him in the eye. "Please don't apologize, okay? We're all healthy, and here together—that's what matters, right? That I get to have you by my side through it all?"

Could you blame TK for surging forward to kiss him again? 

When they part, TK whispers: "Thank you." 

"What for?" Carlos asks, eyes glinting with confusion. 

"For being you," TK says, knowing how it sounds. 

Carlos shakes his head, moving to lace their fingers together. 

They move in unison to press their foreheads together, and TK whispers, "I love you so much. I just needed you to know that." 

"Of course I do," Carlos says, smiling into it when he kisses TK before speaking again. "I love you too. And I don't want you to feel like you have to—to hide what you're feeling." 

TK just lets himself have what he wants, what he needs in the moment, and it's this: Carlos' mouth against his, again and again. 

***

They re-enter the party ten minutes later, and all eyes are on them when they slip into the living room. 

TK opens his mouth to make some big declaration, but Marjan catches his eye, and then Paul. Then it's his dad who dramatically clears his throat and points above the two of them. 

Because, of course, there's mistletoe fastened to the doorway above them. 

"I hate you all," TK mutters, to which Judd yells lies! and Paul yells something about getting on with it. So, TK does; he presses his palms to either side of Carlos' face and grins at him before closing the distance between them. There's a whoop from someone for effect, and then when they pull apart Marjan pulls him down next to her on the loveseat so he can be thrown into a conversation about fighting mall elves they'd had to deal with during a call yesterday. 

Looking around the room, he realizes he had nothing to worry about at all. And, to be fair, TK wasn't sure what to expect for his first holiday season in Austin. But he has his dad, he has his team, he has Carlos—and it's enough. 

[tarlosprompts]

What about Carlos hurt on a call and TK freaking out and more or less moving in after Carlos gets home from the hospital bc he doesn't want to leave him alone for a second. Sorta a makes him realize how deep his feelings are and how much he loves him and can't live without him kinda deal

Claimed by Red💋

Part 2 of another prompt! Here’s Part 1

Warnings: past violence, high anxiety, slight dissociation

Anxious Nights

TK didn’t want to leave Carlos when the ambulance rolled up to the hospital. Carlos hadn’t woken up on the ride to the hospital and that had TK on edge. Michelle had tried to explain to him that the shoulder wound would heal up fine, it didn’t seem like there was much damage...except for the fact that there was now a hole going from his boyfriend’s front to his back. What if Carlos didn’t regain full motion of his arm? 

Michelle had also tried to explain that Carlos probably wouldn’t wake up on the ride to the hospital because of how hard he hit his head. She tried to explain that head wounds bleed more and that it wasn’t that serious. She tried to explain that Carlos would probably only have a mild concussion, but TK couldn’t listen to her. All he could hear were the bad thoughts, the what ifs. What if Carlos hit his head hard enough to forget him? What if Carlos damaged his brain? What if Carlos didn’t wake up?

Watching Carlos get wheeled through the double doors where he couldn’t follow was almost as bad as watching Carlos go down on the scene. TK didn’t really know what to do with himself. He stood in the middle of the floor, staring at those doors. 

A small hand rested on his shoulder, “TK, you with me?” TK turned his head to Michelle, a frown on his face as it had been for the past thirty minutes. “We need to get you checked out, TK.”

“I’m staying here,” he muttered, staying in place.

“As soon as they know something, they know to find me. Carlos would want you to get yourself checked out.”

“I’m staying,” TK responded. 

Michelle rolled her eyes at the stubborn man. “Fine.” She turned to her radio, “bring me an ambo bag, I need to check TK out after his escapades today.” Turning back to TK, she led him over to a chair that faced the double doors. “I need you to take your turnout off.” 

TK followed her instructions and proceeded to sit down as Gillian placed a bag next to Michelle. “Go ahead and head back to the station. Do you mind having someone bring over mine and TK’s bags?”

“You got it, Boss.”

Michelle pulled out a light and flicked it in front of TK’s eyes. She did most of the exam nonverbally as TK’s anxiety showed itself through his extremities moving rapidly. “Does anything hurt? And I need you to be honest, TK.”

His gaze snapped to hers. “I have a mild headache and some sore muscles. Nothing that won’t fix itself.” 

Michelle studied him a moment more before nodding to herself. “If anything starts becoming unbearable, you need to let me know.”

“Yes Ma’am.”

_____________

Three Hours Later

TK’s leg hadn’t stopped bouncing since he’d sat down. He’d tried pacing the room, but his dad had put a quick stop to that when he arrived with his and Michelle’s bags. Now he was stuck between the paramedic and his father as he waited for any news on Carlos. 

TK ticked his fingers as he looked up at the clock on the wall. How long did it take to let people know their loved ones were alright? It shouldn’t take three hours for someone to assess Carlos and let his friends and family know. 

TK tensed as a doctor walked through the door. “Family of Carlos Reyes,” he called. 

TK was immediately on his feet. “Is he alright? Can we see him? How bad was it? Is-”

“TK,” his father placed a hand on his shoulder. 

“Michelle Blake,” the doctor turned to the woman.

“That’s me. Anything you want to say, you can say in front of my friends.”

“Very well. Carlos sustained a through and through in the right shoulder. We cleansed the wound and exrayed it to make sure nothing was broken. We sewed it up and it should heal fully in four-six weeks. Mr. Reyes also sustained a head wound from his fall. That required four stitches but should heal just fine. We also assessed for a concussion. Because he lost consciousness we have diagnosed him with a Grade 3 concussion. He will need to be monitored closely so we have admitted Mr. Reyes for the next twenty-four hours. If all goes well, he should be able to return home within the next day or two as long as he has someone to watch over him. If there are no questions, I can lead you to his room.”

Seeing no questions, the doctor turned and walked them through the double doors. As they walked, TK could feel his anxiety climb. Concussions were nothing to joke about. Would this affect Carlos later on? As they approached the room, the doctor turned to him. “He was awake thirty minutes ago but he may not be now. He does need his rest, so please, do not wake him up. Visiting hours are technically over, but I can let a nurse know that one of you will be staying the night. The other two would need to leave in the next thirty minutes”

Michelle smiled at the doctor, “would you mind informing them that TK Strand will be staying with him tonight?”

The doctor gave her a kind smile and nod. “Will do. He is in room 740. To enter and exit the building use the main entrance, not the emergency doors.” With that, the doctor was off. 

TK, Owen, and Michelle walked the rest of the short way to Carlos’s room in silence. Michelle was the first to the room. She quietly opened the door and peeked her head in. She motioned for the Strands to be quiet as they entered. Once in the room, TK could see Carlos sleeping peacefully on the hospital bed. He immediately went to Carlos’s bedside, hands fluttering once again, not knowing what to do with them. He didn’t want to wake Carlos as he did need sleep to recover. 

TK heard a quiet shuffle behind him before he saw a chair appear behind him out of his periphery. TK sat down, hands finally settling on clasping Carlos’s left hand. TK couldn’t take his eyes off of Carlos’s face and chest. Carlos was alive. He was breathing. He was resting. 

“He’s going to be okay, Son.”

_____________

Two Days Later

“Tiger, you don’t need to stay with me. I’ll be fine.”

“Are you a doctor? Hell, are you a paramedic? No? Oh that’s right, your a stubborn ass cop. We were told you needed to be supervised at home for the next week and that is what we are doing...unless you want to go back to the hospital?” TK raised an eyebrow as he parked the car in front of Carlos’s house. Seeing his boyfriend’s grimace, he responded, “I thought not.”

TK helped Carlos out of the car and into the house. He moved to take Carlos to the bedroom, but Carlos stopped. “I’d like to sit in the living room and watch movies with my boyfriend while he pretends like he isn’t trying to coddle me.”

TK’s glare held no heat. “Fine. Sit,” he ordered. “Don’t even think of getting up. Let me go grab our bags.”

In no time, TK had their bags in the house and pillows and blankets brought out from Carlos’s room and piled around the man. “Do you need anything? Water? Pain meds? Food? Should I get more blankets or-”

“Tiger, Baby, calm down. I just want to cuddle with my amazing boyfriend. That’s all I need.” Carlos’s brown eyes pleaded for him to concede. 

TK nodded quickly. “Yeah, yes. Yes, I can do that. I can totally do that.” TK quickly turned around before heading to the couch, “let me just grab some water and snacks. That way we don’t have to move. Can’t let you get dehydrated. I’ll bring over you meds too so that they’re in reach. We can’t stay on the couch for the rest of the day, you’ll need your rest in an actual bed to get better, plus the couch isn’t that comfy. Should we just go to your room? I can pull up movies on your laptop. It would be more comfortable and better for your recovery and we could still cuddle. We should-”

“TK, Tyler...Tyler I need you to breathe. I’m alright. If it would make you feel better, we can go to my room,” Carlos hated that TK was becoming more anxious by the second. He didn’t know what he could do to ease that anxiety. 

“Okay, yeah, okay. Let’s do that. Let me-let me come help you up.”

Carlos didn’t fight TK’s need to help him get up even though Carlos was seventy-five percent sure he could get up by himself. He let TK mother hen him into the bed and fortify him with pillows. He didn’t even object to the snacks that TK brought in, though Carlos never was big on eating things in bed. As TK straightened up to go get something else, Carlos caught his hand. “Baby, this is everything we need. Please lay down with me.”

Carlos could see the energy buzzing beneath TK’s skin. The last time he’d seen this much energy tightly coiled in his boyfriend had been the night he’d first called TK over for dinner that turned into a disaster. He didn’t like this side of his boyfriend. 

_____________

TK tried not to fidget in the bed, but he felt like he needed to be up and moving and making sure that Carlos was alright and bringing him anything he needed. He needed to be busy. After his hand started tapping on his leg for the fifth time, Carlos reached down to lace his fingers with TK’s. “I’m alright, Amore. I just want to relax with my boyfriend. I am fine, I’m going to be fully healed in a matter of weeks. There’s no need for you to worry yourself sick.”

“I’m not-I’m not worrying myself. I just want to make sure you’re comfortable.”

“Babe, you literally can’t sit still. I don’t want you to be anxious over this. I’m fine.”

“But you weren’t! What if he had shot you in the head? He aimed for you and I couldn’t do anything and then I couldn’t see you. When I did-” TK’s voice cracked, “when I did see you, you weren’t moving, Carlos. You were not fine!” 

“In my defense, I did hit my head and I was unconscious.” Carlos was trying to lighten the mood slightly, but the look TK gave him, sobered him. “I watched you fly five feet through the air when the propane tanks blew. You didn’t move for a couple of seconds. I was worried about you, but you’re alright. You’re sitting here, talking to me. And I’m sitting here talking to you. Tyler, it’s alright to worry about me, but you don’t need to be in fight or flight mode because I’m not in danger. I’m healing.”

TK was silent for a while and all Carlos could do was look at him. He couldn’t tell what the man was thinking. TK extracted himself from the hold Carlos had on him. “I’m going to make some sandwiches and change clothes to be more comfortable in bed. Do you want to change or are you alright?” 

“Tiger,” Carlos sighed.

“Right, I’ll bring back a sandwich for you.” TK darted out the door.

_____________

Six Days Later

“I’m not an invalid,” Carlos sighed.

TK rolled his eyes in return. “I never said you were.”

“Yeah, you just treat me like one. If the roles were reversed, you’d be verbally fighting me about it.” 

“I just want you to heal correctly. Is that too much to ask?”

“You are allowed to go home now. You don’t need to watch me anymore.”

TK turned his back to Carlos as he pulled his shirt off to change. “What, so you’re kicking me out? For caring?” When Carlos didn’t respond, TK turned with his new shirt in his hands to look at the man. Carlos’s eyes were wide. “What?”

Carlos stood up, walking towards TK. “Baby, your back,” Carlos whispered, turning him around to run his hands over the healing bruises. “Why didn’t you tell me you were hurt?”

“It didn’t really hurt. Must have been the blast’s force. I’m fine. I had more important things to think about.”

“Tyler, you should have at least told me.”

TK turned back to face Carlos, “so you could refuse my help? I don’t think so. It really didn’t hurt that much, ‘Los.”

Carlos shook his head. “We’re partners, Tyler Kennedy Strand. We tell each other when we’re hurt. That’s how this works. You need to think about yourself too, not just me and my injuries.”

TK broke eye contact. His breathing was beginning to become uneven. “You could have...If that gangster had better aim, he could have killed you, Carlos. And I don’t-I don’t know how to live without you anymore. You-you’re my rock and I don’t know if I could stay sane or-or sober if you were gone. I love you...God I love you so much. I didn’t even realize how much I loved you...I don’t want to live without you. I don’t like it when you’re hurt. I can’t focus on me when you’re in pain because I want to fix it. I love you so much that when you’re hurt, I’m hurt and-and not just this time because I was also hurt, but-but because I care so deeply for you that it scares me. I’ve been so anxious because I wanted-I wanted to make it so you weren’t hurt. I wanted to take your pain and your injuries because you don’t deserve them.”

There was a shine in Carlos’s eyes as TK stared at them. A small smile was on the man’s face. “I happen to love you just as much. I feel your pain because I care so much for you...but it’s not scary because I know that you feel the same way. With our jobs, we can’t promise not to get hurt, Tyler. But we can promise to try out best. I think-I think we need to work on your anxiety, though, because it isn’t healthy to spend seven or more days filled to the brim with anxiety. I love you, so much Cariño.”

TK licked his lips as he leaned closer to Carlos. “Does this mean I can stay?”

Carlos bit his lip as a smile began to form. “However long you want...you already have a key, Baby.”

[noxsoulmate]

💞 Noxy’s Alternate Reconciliation Fic 💞

Ship: Tarlos | Fandom: 911 Lone Star | Author: noxsoulmate | Read on ao3

Chapter: 1/6 | Word Count: 5752 | Rating: Explicit | Warnings/Tags: alternate universe - canon divergence, drunk Carlos. Concerned TK, TK takes care of Carlos, drunken confessions, post-break up, getting back together, mutual pining, boys using their words, idiots in love, explicit sexual content, makeup sex, domestic fluff, telling their friends, healthy communication | Art made by: @chaotictarlos 💕

Summary:

“Carlos, who are you talking about?” “My boyfriend. He left,” Carlos slurred. TK’s heart was racing now, a silent laugh escaping him. But he needed to be absolutely sure who the sleeping, drunken Carlos was talking about. “What’s his name?” “Tyler Kennedy. But he’ll kill you if you call him that.”

~*~

An alternative rendition of how TK and Carlos may have gotten back together.

This fic is finished, all chapters will be posted before the year ends!

💞 Read Chapter 1 on ao3 💞

Sneak peek under the cut:

Even though it was one in the morning, the unexpected phone call was a welcome distraction from TK’s fitful slumber. Why he even bothered really trying to sleep was beyond him – he never truly found any rest nowadays. 

Still, it was rather unusual for him to get a call this late, and most of the time, it didn’t mean anything good. Especially not when it came from an unknown number. Bracing for the worst, TK tried to shake out the cobwebs in his brain and answered on the fifth ring.

“Hello?”

Before he even heard a voice, he could hear music in the background and some chatter, laughter, certainly a small crowd – typical noises of a bar or some fairly loud spot. It didn’t make sense to his sleep-addled mind. 

“TK?” came a familiar voice, even though he couldn’t place it. “You mind stopping by to pick up your boyfriend?”

TK wondered if he had even fully woken up because none of this made any sense to his overtired brain. “Who’s this?” he finally slurred, rubbing his eyes and sitting up fully, putting his feet on the cold hardwood floor. Maybe that would help him see more clearly.

“Oh, sorry,” the voice replied, and for a moment, TK was sure that out of the ruckus going on in the background, he heard an even more familiar voice. “This is Katy from the Honky Tonk. Carlos is here and he’s pretty sloshed and I can’t let him drive like this. Are you on shift or can you come take him home?” 

TK was glad he was still sitting because out of everything he had expected – from his mother being in the hospital, to his father being lost somewhere in the hills and calling from an unknown landline, to a simple prank caller – this certainly didn’t even rank on his list.

“I– I’m sorry… what?”

“Shit, can you even hear me? It’s pretty loud here tonight, hang on–”

“No, no, it’s fine,” TK interrupted, taking a deep breath to center himself. “No, it’s okay. I was just… I mean… uhm, Carlos and I–”

Carlos and he what?

Were taking a break? Were over, so please call someone else? 

TK still hated himself for what he had done to the man he loved more than his own life – he certainly wouldn’t deny him any help. Even if Carlos most likely wouldn’t have asked him for it on his own. After everything TK had done, it would be a surprise if he wouldn’t strangle him as soon as he laid eyes on him. On the other hand, though, Carlos was far too nice a person for that, so it was more likely that he would just ignore TK.

But none of that mattered when Carlos needed him – and it certainly wasn’t anything Katy needed to be privy to. She was obviously still in the dark about the two of them. They hadn’t been at the Honky Tonk together in weeks, for obvious reasons, but Katy didn’t seem to find that odd.

Besides, if Carlos was truly sloshed, then maybe he wouldn’t even realize it was TK who helped him. Because if he did notice, TK was pretty sure he would resist.

💞 Continue on ao3 💞

Bingo squares used:

@911bingo B2: “I love you so much I just want to see you happy.”

@anyfandomfluffbingo Square 9: Old Flame

@mfbingo G2: Happy Endings

Noxy's Tagging List: @chaotictarlos, @detective-giggles, @sgirl18, @sapphire11, @bubblesandroses8, @firstprince-history-huh, @beautifulhigh, @rangergurlgleek1211, @shadesofdeviant, @otter-love-asl, @tarlos-spain, @ramblingdisaster73, @first-kanaphan, @xtltokio, @lightningboltreader, @buckybarnesalways, @tarlossource

[i-am-church-the-cat]

More Than Best Friends (Mega Best Friends?)

Fandom: 9-1-1, 9-1-1 Lone StarPairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley & TK Strand, Pre-Relationship Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz WC: 2344Summary: “Well, I’m sorry if I was a little preoccupied with the whole suddenly liking guys thing to notice my giant crush on my best friend!”TK just snorted again. “Crush? Buck, I hate to have to tell you your own feelings, but you’re in love with the guy.”“...WHAT?!”Or TK is a good friend and helps Buck figure some things out

Read on AO3 or under the cut

“I didn’t feel like going in alone and making it awkward so I asked Taylor-” “Wait wait, who’s Taylor?” Buck paused from wiping down the kitchen counter at the station. He had his phone tucked between his shoulder and his ear as he went through his chores, TK listening as he explained his week. These weekly calls between the two of them had started about a week after the 118 left Texas - Buck had called TK at midnight freaking out over his delayed bisexual freak out. TK had talked him down and since then, their calls were almost as frequent as Buck’s talks with his therapist. He hadn’t realized how much he needed a friend outside of work until he had been able to talk about his life with someone who hadn’t lived it with him. He had a feeling it was helping TK too, at least, he was still picking up his calls. “Oh right. She’s um... It’s kind of complicated but she’s a news reporter, the 118 saved her on a call and we hooked up a few times, and then I saw her again at the robber on the roof thing.” “Ah,” TK’s voice came back a little delayed. Buck wasn’t surprised, he was also in the middle of a shift. “So you asked an ex-fling to go on a double date with you?” Buck groaned. “Now, you say it like that and it sounds like a bad idea.” “Well was it?” The blond’s silence was telling and a snort came from over the line. “You should’ve called me, dude. I am well-versed in awkward romantic situations.” “Oh, you are aren’t you?” “Yep,” TK popped the ‘p’ and Buck shook his head, mindlessly returning to his cleaning. “I’ll make sure to do that next time. Can I get back to my story now?” TK grunted in refusal. “Just one last thing. Why didn’t you ask Eddie to go with you?” Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. TK always seemed to manage to bring him up in their conversations - Buck refused to think about how much he talked about the man himself - and Buck didn’t get it. “I can’t ask my best friend to go with me to dinner with my roommate and his girlfriend. Besides, he’s dating the vice principal, Ana.” “Her? Haven’t they only gone on like three dates? I’m pretty sure it doesn’t count as dating until the fifth,” his tone was teasing but there was an undercurrent of something Buck doubted he would be able to name until he knew TK better. Still, his words struck something wrong inside of him and he ducked his head. “He um. He introduced her to Christopher.” “Wait really?” TK sounded shocked. Buck was a little too. “How did Christopher take it?” Buck laughed humorlessly. “He used Eddie’s phone to order an Uber to my place.” TK was quiet for so long after that that Buck pulled the phone back to make sure he was still on the line. He pressed it back to his ear and said questioningly, “TK? You there?” “Oh sorry dude, yeah yeah. Just… he went to your place?” “Yeah, crazy right?” Buck was touched Chris trusted him so much but still couldn’t wrap his head around it. “No, actually,” TK replied, to Buck’s surprise. “It makes perfect sense. Think about it, when you’re mad at one person, you go to the other.” “I- what?” Buck blinked in confusion. Was he going crazy or did TK just imply he was Chris’s other parent? “Chris isn’t my kid.” Even though it was the truth, it still hurt. TK made a noise and somehow he could tell the younger man was rolling his eyes, even without seeing him. “Buck, I’ve been talking with you for how many weeks now? You talk about Christopher the same way Tommy talks about her kids. Utterly smitten and protective.” Buck opened and closed his mouth a few times like a gaping fish. He tried to deny it but… a small part of him couldn’t help but ask if he was right. He loved Christopher and he knew the kid loved him back. He knew he was Eddie’s kid and that was never going to change but. Sometimes he felt like Buck’s too. Before Buck could think of someone to reply, there were voices in the background of the call. He heard some shuffling and multiple voices, letting him know he had been put on speaker. “Hey, Buckley,” a voice Buck recognized as Captain Owen Strand’s came through the phone. “You finally accepting my offer to come down here.” “Ah, you know I would love to, but my family’s here in LA,” Buck said, just like every time. It was a running joke with them - though some days it felt less like a joke and more and more like a “We’re there if you need us” from the Strands. “I completely understand. But hey, you’ll say hi to Nash for me won’t ya?” “Of course. Actually, he told me you still owe him from that bet…?” Buck wasn’t completely sure about Owen and Bobby’s relationship. Just that they had met at the academy, lost touch, and then reconnected after the whole wildfire incident. He could hear TK snicker as Owen protested loudly. Buck chuckled when he noticed Bobby himself coming up the stairs, eyebrows raised at Buck’s lack of tidying up. Shit, he forgot what he was supposed to be doing. “Uh, I gotta go, you should talk to him about it. Let’s talk later okay, and TK I’ll send you my pancake recipe.” “Great thank you. We’ll talk later man.” They hung up just as Bobby was approaching Buck. He shoved his phone in his pocket as Bobby’s eyebrow didn’t lower. “Who were you talking to?” His captain asked, sounding too innocuous for the undertone of the question. “Uh, the Strands. Owen says hi, by the way, and that he definitely did not lose that bet,” he gives him what he hopes is an innocent shrug Bobby looks less suspicious and more teasing. He always was where Owen was involved it seemed. “I guess I’ll have to call him myself then. Were he and TK not on shift?” “Nah they were. It was just time for…” Buck trailed off, not sure what to call his weekly talks with TK. Life updates? Staying in touch? One bro helping out another through his sexuality crisis at 29 that turned into a Thing? “TK called me.” He finally settled on since it was the truth. Bobby gave him another look before nodding. “Well, as long as it doesn’t interfere with your work.” He said pointedly. Buck quickly nodded. “Yep, no, no interfering here,” he gave him a grin and went back to cleaning. He could feel Bobby’s amused shake of the head before he turned to head back downstairs. Buck sighed quietly and sent TK his promised pancake recipe before getting back to work. *** It wasn’t until he was back home that the content of his conversation with TK actually hit him. He was getting home, not surprised to see Albert already passed out on the couch. Buck’s shift had ended at 6 am which meant Al had already been back home for two hours. The blond was going to take a shower and follow his lead when all of a sudden it came back to him. TK said Buck was Christopher’s other parent. There was a lot to unpack about that - though he was steadily ignoring the small part of him that felt validated - but the thought that slammed to the front of his brain was ‘What about Eddie?’ Of course, TK never said Chris wasn’t also Eddie’s kid and it was absurd to think otherwise. No, the reason that thought was at the forefront of Buck’s worries was that if they were both Chris’s parents, what did it make them? Do best friends usually raise kids together? What would Buck even know about that? ‘If Chris is my kid, does that make Eddie my partner?’ he thought and woah, he was not prepared for the wave of… something that accompanied it. Eddie had been called his partner before - he was his partner at work, people regularly called them partners in crime - but it felt different. Equal in significance but different in meaning. And what the hell did that mean? It was almost 8 am in Austin and Buck knew TK had a shift at 10 today so he didn’t even think before pulling out his phone and pressing the now familiar number. “Wow, back-to-back days, is this Veronica thing really bugging you or what?” TK asked as soon as he picked up the phone sounding blessedly awake and clearheaded. The same could not be said about Buck, however, as instead of a greeting he blurted out, “Am I in love with Eddie?” There were a few moments of silence before TK lost it and loud laughing could be heard over line. Which, in Buck’s opinion, was not helpful, thanks. He was having a bisexual - or was it gay because Eddie was a guy? No, Buck was a bisexual and he didn’t become less bisexual by freaking out over a guy - freakout over his best friend dammit! It took a while but eventually, TK got control over himself. “You’re just now finding that out? What have we been discussing the past few months?” ‘Months? Wait, was this why TK always let him ramble about Eddie to him? Also if it was so obvious, why didn’t he tell him?!’ Buck voiced his complaints which only seemed to make TK more amused. “Excuse me for thinking that you suddenly realizing you were bisexual at 29 had something to do with your ridiculously hot and tactile best friend whose kid you are half-raising.” Again with the parent comments. TK was going to make BUck cry at this rate. “Well, I’m sorry if I was a little preoccupied with the whole suddenly liking guys thing to notice my giant crush on my best friend!” Oh. Oh. Did he just admit to liking Eddie? His painfully straight best friend Eddie? Well shit. But instead of sounding surprised, TK just snorted again. “Crush? Buck, I hate to have to tell you your own feelings, but you’re in love with the guy.” “...WHAT?!” There was a sound painfully close to a wince from the other side of the line. “I’m going out on a limb here and saying you didn’t know that either.” No. No, Buck certainly hadn’t known that. At least, he doesn’t think he did… “What am I going to do?” He asked, sounding sad and a little hopeless even to his own ears. It was just like him to fall in love with someone so tragically unavailable it wasn’t even funny. TK sobered a bit and let out a sigh. “I don’t know man. Sorry, I wish I did.” Buck slowly sat down on his bed. He doesn’t even remember when he had stood up to pace around the loft. Okay, so a few things to digest here. He was apparently in love with his straight and taken best friend who he was also helping raise a kid with and he was very likely to be the last to know. Seriously. Shit. “Look, if it makes you feel any better,” TK said slowly. Buck sat up a little straighter. “I think he likes you too.” “What?” He blinked at nothing. “But- but he’s not- he has a girlfriend.” “Compulsory heterosexuality is a bitch, I’ll give you that,” Buck knew what that was from their talks, recognized it as something he had likely done in the past, but didn’t really understand it. “But from the way you talk about him, and from what Marjan tells me his Instagram looks like, the only reason you aren’t married is that neither of you bothered to notice you could be.” That… huh. “Are you sure?” “Pretty sure. I will admit my gaydar has been off a little bit as of late, but you two already act, look, and talk like a couple. Now you just need to acknowledge it.” TK made it sound so easy. And he knew, even if Eddie didn’t feel the same, he wouldn’t disregard Buck’s feelings - which was the thing he was most scared of about coming out. It might take them a while for him to understand them but they would be out there in the open. The only thing was- “He’s still dating Ana,” Buck said, voice sounding surer. “He just got Christopher to accept it. I can’t- I won’t take that away from him.” The line was quiet for a bit before TK spoke again. “Hey, no, I get it, man. Just figured you should know.” Buck nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I appreciate it, TK. Thank you.” “Anytime, it’s what I’m here for.” He could hear the grin in the brunette’s voice. “You’re gay sherpa remember?” Buck laughed, feeling lighter and heavier all at the same time. “Yeah, I remember. Seriously though. Thank you, for everything. It means a lot.” “Whenever you need me,” TK assured. He wasn’t sure how the Strands had picked up on it but they seemed to know Buck didn’t have a lot of people he felt he could rely on, even now. “Hey look, I hate to leave you, but Carlos is getting off shift soon-” “Yeah, go go, it’s fine,” Buck was quick to reassure him. And it was fine even it didn’t feel like it. “Go be with your boyfriend.” “I will. Hey, you be safe alright?” “Yeah, I will. Thanks again.” “No problem. Talk to you later.” “Yeah later,” Buck waited for the line to go dead before pulling his phone away from his ear. It was getting closer to 8 am. Buck could crash out now or he could drive to the Diaz’s in time to take Christopher to school. Buck was out the door a few minutes later, bed unslept in and the apartment still ringing with the conversation from that morning. 

[bellakitse]

To Love You This Well

TK and Carlos have been together for over a year, and are more in love than ever. As they watch their friends get ready for the next big step in their lives, Carlos can't stop thinking about the next step he wants TK and him to take.

Written for Lone Star Week Day 2 - Great Dynamics  

E,15k fic  Sequel to ‘It Takes a Village’

Carlos Reyes is with his boyfriend TK, and their friend Judd in the half-finished nursery of the man’s house. There is plastic on the wooden floor and buckets of pale-yellow paint around them, the walls are bare and primed for them to get to work if only TK and Judd can stop bickering.

“You’re doing that wrong, Cowboy Judd,” TK comments just as Judd puts the roller to the wall.

Judd throws him a mild glare over his shoulder in response. “Kiss my ass, City boy. I know how to paint a damn room.”

“If you know how to paint,” TK crosses his arms, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Then why are you doing it so badly?”

“TK, I swear to god – “

“Hey, I’m just trying to help. If you want to mess up your daughter’s room and make your eight-month pregnant wife cry, that is completely up to you,” TK shrugs his shoulders as Judd gives him another dirty look.

Carlos bites down on his lip to keep from laughing at the aggravation on Judd’s face or the absolutely bratty grin TK gives him back.

TK has been living above Judd and Grace’s garage for over a year now. A temporary situation that has proven beneficial enough for all involved to keep it going, and it just doesn’t get old for anyone to watch Judd and TK lock horns or poke at each other the way only siblings can.

“You’re a pain in the ass, and I hate you,” Judd answers childishly. It’s another amusing aspect of their relationship to see them both act like kids around each other. TK scoffs at his comment, obviously not believing it any more than Carlos. In the last year of living together, Judd and TK’s friendship has solidified. He knows the other man sees his boyfriend like a kid brother. He’s even admitted – much to TK’s delight – that he feels closer to him than his blood brothers, probably due to their career and the fact that between work and home, they spend so much time together. “Fine, TK, tell me what I’m doing wrong.”

Carlos can’t help the snort that escapes his throat as Judd caves, but swallows back the desire to bust out laughing when Judd turns his glare towards him, while TK grins pleased and lovingly in his direction.

“You have an opinion, Reyes?” Judd asks with a biting tone, grumbling when TK slaps his shoulder.

“Don’t be rude to my boyfriend, or I’ll tell Grace on you,” TK warns him before walking over to Carlos. Wrapping his arm around his waist, TK presses a kiss to the underside of his jaw.

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph, if you too are going to start necking, I’m dumping these buckets of paint on you both,” Judd warns them, pointing the paint roller in his hand at them. “I don’t care if the result is me sleeping on the couch. It will be worth it.”

“Necking, Judd?” TK asks with a mocking laugh. “What are you, an 80-year-old?”

“What are you, TK? A 15-year-old who can’t keep his hands off his boyfriend?” Judd shoots back. “You’ve been together well over a year, isn’t the honeymoon phase over yet?”

“Never,” TK grins before looking back at him with a twinkle in his eye. “Right, baby?”

Carlos shoots Judd a quick look before turning to face his boyfriend, feeling amusement and love for the man in his arms. They’ve been together for over a year and a half if you count their beginnings when they were still in the casual phase, which Carlos does. He’s known since the moment he laid eyes on TK that first night in the rain that he was going to matter to him, and he wasn’t wrong. TK is the most important person in his life outside his family – no, that’s not right. TK is his family, the one of his own making, maybe not officially but in every way that counts.

Lately though, his thoughts have been a steady stream of how much he wants to make it official between them. He wants to call TK his family more than he’s ever wanted anything else in his life.

A hand at his cheek startles him out of his thoughts, and he finds beautiful green eyes looking at him curiously. “Where did you go, big guy?” TK asks him softly, his hand warm and a little calloused as he runs his thumb over his cheekbone.

Looking over at Judd for a moment, he feels himself blush when he sees the guy giving him a silent but understanding look, making Carlos question just what lovesick expression he has on his face.

He ignores their friend for a moment, flashing TK a smile as he shakes his head. He leans down to give him a quick kiss, his stomach fluttering at the soft fond expression on TK’s face when he pulls back.

“I think the paint fumes are getting to me for a sec, I’m fine,” he reassures him.

TK smiles at him, his eyes crinkling at the sides. “Why don’t you go get a glass of water and visit with Grace, she’s making dinner. Get away from the smell while I teach a man in his late 30’s how to paint.”

“Say good-bye to your boyfriend, Reyes,” Judd jerks his head towards TK. “I’m going to drown him in a bucket of paint.”

“Telling a cop your murder plans,” TK shakes his head sadly back at Judd, and Carlos can feel his amusement as he leans against him. “How have you survived this long in life?”

Carlos lets out a huff of laughter, interrupting the men before they get started on their squabbling, these two can go on for hours. “I’m going to tell Grace that her daughter’s room will probably be ready by her fifth birthday,” he tells them. Ignoring the two matching sounds of protest, he places a kiss on TK’s temple before letting him go.

“Play nice,” he warns TK, holding a finger close to his face.

TK goes in for a nip of his teeth, giving him a dirty smirk when he snatches his hand away.

He shakes his head at his ridiculous boyfriend, a reluctant smile on his face. He starts to leave the room, but not before he hears Judd speak once more.

“Strand, would you stop staring at your boyfriend’s ass for a moment and help me paint already?”

 ֎֎֎

 Carlos walks into the Ryders’ kitchen, breathing in deep the delicious smell of Grace’s cooking. He finds Grace at her island counter chopping onions, smiling as he watches her pregnant belly bump into it every time she moves.

“Yes, I’m a whale,” she says without looking up. “No need to stare, Reyes.”

Carlos laughs softly as he walks up to her wrapping his arms around her shoulders, pressing a kiss on her cheek. “You are gorgeous, baby mama, that’s why I’m staring,” he assures her as he lets go of her to lean on the other side of the counter. “You’re the most beautiful pregnant woman I have ever seen, and I have sisters with kids.”

Grace looks at him with a grin on her face, her dimples winking at him. “You are too charming for your own good, Carlos Reyes,” she raises an eyebrow at him. “Between that and the way you look, you’re a danger to society. All the boys and girls of the greater Austin area need to be careful.”

Carlos can’t help the blush that spreads across his cheeks; no matter how much he tries, he can’t help but get flustered when Grace teases him. “Stop,” he mumbles only for Grace’s grin to grow like it always does when she messes with him.

“Of course, it doesn’t really matter to you,” she starts with a glint in her eyes. “All those boys and girls are doomed to be disappointed that you’ll never look their way, you already found your dream boy, didn’t you, darling?” she asks, and Carlos can see that she’s trying hard not to laugh at him, given how hot his face feels, he’s not surprised.

“You like making fun of me,” he pouts, though his mouth curves upward once more when she lets out a deep laugh throwing her head back. He can see why Judd is so in love with her.

“You make it so easy,” she answers as she leans over and pinches his cheek.

Carlos swats at her hand half-heartedly, himself laughing. In the time that TK has lived with her and Judd, he has gotten to spend a lot of time getting to know the couple better. He considers both of them good friends, but he admits his heart holds a special place for Grace. After TK and Michelle, she is his closest friend.

“Why don’t you sit down,” he nods towards the bench at the breakfast nook. “I can take over,” he continues as he looks around at what she has started and sees that she’s going with Tex-Mex for dinner.

“Normally, I would be horrified at a guest doing the cooking in my kitchen,” she says as she starts to take a seat. “But you spend so much time here anyway; you’re not really a guest. I sometimes think you’ve moved in here with TK.”

“Is that your way of telling me to come around less often, Gracie?” he asks teasingly as he gets to work. She already has yellow rice going, and the meat is marinating, so he gets to work on the refried beans.

“You’re really going to make me get up to smack you, Carlos Reyes, after I just sat down.?” she asks with a no-nonsense look on her face. “I have a watermelon under my blouse, sitting down and getting up isn’t easy right now, but I will if you keep talkin’ stupid.”

“No ma’am,” he says quickly, biting down on his bottom lip to keep from smiling.

“That’s better,” she answers moodily.

Carlos works quickly and quietly, getting dinner ready as Grace studies him with assessing eyes that start to make him nervous. He tries to ignore it, but after he drops the knife in his hand twice, he decides to ask her why she’s looking at him like that before he cuts off a finger.

“Okay, say whatever you want to say,” he says, looking over at her with what he hopes is a formidable look. He can get perps to do what he wants with one hard look, and yet Grace, a tiny pregnant lady who barely reaches his shoulders, doesn’t look the least bit fazed.

“I was just thinking about you and TK living together,” she says casually like it’s a completely normal thing to say and not something that sends his heart racing.

“We’re not living together,” he answers quickly, feeling his face go hot when she levels him with a ‘no shit’ look.

“I know that,” she says slowly, because apparently questioning his intelligence silently isn’t enough. “I just don’t understand why you haven’t asked him yet.”

“You want to know why I haven’t asked TK to move in with me?” he asks to make sure he’s hearing right.

Grace looks at him again; there is the same knowing look he saw in her husband’s face earlier, shining in her dark eyes, and he knows he’s not going to like what comes out of her mouth next.

“Actually,” she says with a dry look on her face. “I keep wondering why you haven’t proposed yet; you obviously want to.”

Carlos chokes on nothing. He feels his lungs seize up; he’s coughing hard and loud before he can stop it. All the while, Grace continues to look at him, calmly like he isn’t dying in her kitchen.

Finally, after a minute of suffocating and perishing, he manages to get a full enough breath that he’s able to speak again. “What?” he asks, wincing as he hears himself screech.

Grace raises both eyebrows at him as she rests back in her seat, her hands caressing her stomach gently. “Oh, I’m sorry,” she starts, and her voice is dripping in so much sarcasm he’s honestly impressed, or he would be if it wasn’t directed at him. “Did you think that was a secret? Because if it was, you should really tell your face to get with the program. You look ready to drop to one knee every time that boy – well, I want to say speaks, but that’s not true, you look ready to propose every time TK breathes. Have you gotten the ring yet, or have you actually managed to control the impulse?”

“I haven’t gotten any ring!” Carlos all but shouts, his voice high and a little hysterical. He doesn’t tell her that he’s found himself looking outside jewelry stores more than once in the last few weeks. He hasn’t told anyone, not even Michelle, what has been running through his head nonstop. No one knows, except apparently while he hasn’t been saying it out loud, his face has been broadcasting his deepest desires to the world.

Carlos drops his face into his hands, letting out a deep pitiful groan. When he looks up, he finds Grace watching him with a gentle expression.

“Do you think TK knows?” he whispers, trying to think of any moment where TK might have been uncomfortable with him. Luckily he can’t think of any; his boyfriend has been his usual amazingly sweet loving self, a happy smile on his face every time he’s around Carlos.

Grace lets out a soft snort before shaking her head. “I love that boy, but he’s clueless, he has no idea what you’ve been thinking about.”

“But you do, huh?” he questions dryly.

Grace signals him with a curve of her finger, and Carlos lowers the heat on the beans before he does as she asks, sitting down across from her on the small table.

She places a small soft hand over his, a kind smile on her pretty face. “You have no poker face when it comes to that boy, sweetheart.”

He lets out a sigh; he can’t argue her point, he’s always been a pretty open and honest guy with his emotions. If he cares about someone, he sees no point in hiding it. With TK, that belief is amplified a hundred times over. From the moment he met him, his feelings for TK have been spilling at his feet no matter how much he tried to control it at the beginning. A year later, with them together and in love, he’s allowed to show TK how much he loves him. It pours out of Carlos without any conscious thought. Loving TK Strand comes as naturally as breathing to him, and given that he knows that as long as he has air in his lungs, he’s going to love him, it makes sense.

“I love him,” he says quietly, shooting Grace a look when she snorts again, this time loudly.

“Sorry,” she says, sounding anything but. “Was that supposed to be some grand revelation?”

“Are you going to sass me, or are you going to listen?” he complains. Honestly, sometimes it’s like he’s talking to one of his sisters.

“I’m not just a pretty face, I can do two things at once,” she says easily, giving him a shrug of her shoulders when he levels her with an exasperated look. “Please continue to explain to me why you are hesitating from taking a step you clearly want to take.”

“I don’t want to scare him off,” he grumbles, he pulls his hand from under hers to rub at his forehead. “I love him, and I know he loves me. We’re happy, and it’s incredible between us, and I don’t want to rock the boat when all that should be enough for now. It’s not like we’ve been together that long.”

Grace nods at him in agreement. “Yeah, I mean, you had your first anniversary a month ago? Thirteen months is not long.”

“Eighteen months,” he corrects her and knows it’s the wrong thing to say by the smug look on her face.

“Interesting,” she says with barely contained glee. “You’re counting your time together from pretty much the moment TK arrived in Austin, back when you two fools actually went around believing that all you were was friendly bed buddies, very interesting.”

Carlos gives her a dirty look, huffing when it seems to amuse her even further. “To be fair, I never wanted us to be just bed buddies. I wanted to be with him from the start; he just needed time. Which brings me back to my point, I don’t want to push him for more when he’s not ready.”

“How do you know he’s not ready unless you ask him?” Grace counters without skipping a beat.

Carlos doesn’t have an answer, but Grace doesn’t seem to need one, she starts to stand, struggling for a moment before he jumps up to help. She gives his bicep a soft squeeze in return.

“You think about that while you finish cooking, and I’ll go see that those two haven’t made a mess of the baby's room.”

Carlos gives her a small nod before going back to the stove to fry the skirt steak.

“Carlos,” she calls out softly once she’s by the threshold of the kitchen. He turns around to look at her, waiting to hear what she has to say.

“You have no poker face when it comes to him,” she starts, reminding him of her earlier comment. “And he doesn’t have one either when it comes to you,” she smiles at him with so much affection, he feels it deep in his bones. He’s reminded instantly how lucky he and TK are to be cared for by her and Judd.

“He looks at you exactly the way you look at him – “ Grace pauses, and Carlos finds himself holding his breath, his heart beating loudly as he waits for her to continue. “Like you’re forever to him too.”

Carlos lets out a soft exhale at the comment, and Grace seems to understand how deeply her words are impacting him.

“It’s okay to wait – like you’ve said, the two of you are happy,” she smiles, though the look on her face is serious. “But you also know there are no guarantees in life, especially in our line of work. So, if you love him enough to see a future with him – then maybe you should let him know.”

 ֎֎֎

 “That was an amazing dinner,” TK moans as he drops down on his bed, they’ve said good night to the Ryders and are back in his apartment. “You and Grace need to open a restaurant or go on one of those competitive cooking shows. Judd and I can be your cheering squad.”

Carlos lets out a laugh at the comment; he watches TK for a moment; he can already tell he’s nodding off, and if he doesn’t get him out of his clothes, he will fall asleep like he is now, shoes and all. He starts with his sneakers, taking them off before moving on to his pants.

TK looks at him lazily, his usually bright green eyes, a shade softer from his drowsiness. He lifts his hips when Carlos taps him. He takes his snug jeans off, and then moves on to TK’s shirt, each open button revealing more beautiful skin. Finally, with the shirt open, TK sits up to pull it off, leaving him only in his underwear.

He tugs on Carlos’ arm to get him to sit down next to him on the bed. TK’s arms come around his shoulders; his forehead pressed against Carlos’ as he smiles at him sleepily. “You take such good care of me,” he murmurs, brushing his lips against the corner of Carlos’ mouth before laying a trail of small tender kisses down his jaw.

“It’s my job to take care of you,” Carlos answers, he has one hand on TK’s waist, the other high on his thigh.

“Your job, huh?” TK asks while still nuzzling Carlos’ cheek, running his nose up and down the length of it, but Carlos can hear the smile in his voice. “Want it to be a permanent position?”

Carlos feels his heart give a hard thump at the question, his breath catching.

“Hmm,” TK hums, squeezing him half-heartedly. “Stay tonight?”

“Of course,” he whispers back.

“Awesome,” TK answers pleased, now more asleep than awake, before dropping back on the bed, leaving Carlos with a racing heart as he softly starts to snore.

 ֎֎֎

 Carlos wakes up with a gasp, wet heat surrounds him, and when he looks down, he finds TK’s head bobbing up and down as he sucks Carlos’ aching cock deeper into his mouth. He can feel himself nudging at the back of TK’s throat for a moment before he relaxes around him and takes him in even deeper.

“Fuck,” Carlos groans out low, his body jerking when TK sucks him harder, hollowing in his cheeks. “You do that so good.”

TK keeps his mouth on him, his tongue pressing at the underside of his dick right on the spot that makes him see stars. Blindly he reaches up for both of Carlos’ hands and brings them to his head. He lets them go as he looks up at him with those green eyes that lay Carlos low, his pupils are so blown Carlos almost can’t see any green left. TK relaxes his jaw, and Carlos lets out a low swear as he gets what TK wants from him.

Holding TK’s head in a gentle but firm hold, he starts to thrust into his mouth, instantly getting a whining moan from his boyfriend as his eyes close shut. TK shifts the lower part of his body, and it takes Carlos a moment to understand what he’s doing, but when he does, he feels like his body has been zapped with electricity. TK has a hand wrapped around his own cock, stroking in sync with Carlos’ thrust.

“TK,” he breathes out, everything in his body primed and ready, he can feel his balls tightening with the need to come. The image of TK touching himself, getting off on pleasuring him, brings him to the edge. “You’re killin’ me here,” he gets out when TK lets out another sound, this one smug as he strokes himself faster.

“Are you going to come baby?” he asks him, his voice rough and tight as he tries to hold off his own orgasm, his thrusts into TK’s mouth are rougher, less controlled, and his body feels like it’s on fire. “Do you want me to come in your mouth, will you come then?”

TK moans, his eyes flutter open to look at him, there is an almost desperate expression on his face as he gives him a slight nod.

Carlos curses again; he holds on to TK’s hair as he fucks into his warm mouth, getting out two more thrusts before he’s coming. TK swallows around him, sucking hard until he’s milked the last drop of Carlos’ cum, leaving him shaky and sensitive. He takes his mouth off of Carlos with a pop, sliding up his body until they’re face to face.

TK covers his mouth with his; the kiss he gives him is hard, all tongue and teeth while his hand continues stroking himself. A minute later, Carlos feels him shake in his arms, and a wet feeling of TK’s come on his stomach. Their kiss turns softer as TK lowers his body onto his without a care of the mess between them.

Pulling back, TK gives him a sweet smile that has no business on the face of someone who just sucked Carlos’ brains out through his dick.

“Good morning,” he says cheekily like the brat he is, and all Carlos can do is let out a long laugh. He’s so in love with this ridiculously amazing man who’s beaming at him.

“Good morning indeed,” he answers, still laughing. “Were you trying to make me completely useless for the rest of the day? Because if so, mission accomplished. I don’t think I could even do simple math right now.”

TK gives him an incredibly pleased look. “What’s two plus two?” he asks, a playful glint in his eyes.

“Three,” he jokes back, getting a slight giggle in return from TK. He leans up, kissing him softly, tasting himself on TK’s lips.

“Remember we are having dinner at my dad’s place tonight,” TK mumbles into the kiss, causing Carlos to pause.

“Is that why you blew me?” he asks, giving him a squinty look. “To soften the blow?”

TK rolls his eyes at him. “I gave you head because you sleep naked, and I like your dick in my mouth,” he says easily like his words don’t shoot straight to the body part he’s talking about. “Also, don’t act like you don’t like having dinner with my dad. You two enjoy ganging up on me too much for that to be the case.”

Carlos grins up at him; he can’t deny it. He enjoys spending time with Owen. Not only does he like and respect the man, but he enjoys the side of his boyfriend he only gets to see around his dad.

“Is he cooking?” he can’t help but ask. Neither of the Strand men are known for their culinary skills, though TK is getting better, and likes to help Carlos out when they’re at his place. It’s one of Carlos’ favorite things to do; he loves teaching TK how to make his favorite meals, seeing the look of concentration on his face as he files away everything Carlos does.

TK snorts softly, shaking his head. “He’s taking pity on you, doesn’t want you to have to struggle to be polite as you eat whatever he comes up with.”

Carlos blushes, but he can’t help but be relieved. He’s a healthy guy, but Captain Strand takes being a health nut to a whole new level.

TK grins at him, probably knowing what he’s thinking, and Carlos feels warm from his attention and sticky from the mess between them.

“Let's take a shower, hmm?” he asks.

“It’s a tight fit in my bathroom,” TK reminds him, the smirk on his face though, says he likes the idea.

“I’ll wash your back,” he murmurs as he slides a hand down TK’s spine, pleased at the way his eyes go heavy at the touch.

“Deal,” TK answers, giving him a smacking kiss before getting up. He makes a ridiculously cute face as he looks down at the now dry crust on his stomach. “Sexy,” he mutters dryly, and Carlos can’t help but laugh even if his stomach is no better,

Getting up after him, he takes hold of TK’s hand before he can walk towards the small bathroom, reeling him back in. He cups TK’s cheek as he leans in, touching his nose to his. “I love you, Tyler.”

He feels TK’s cheek move under his hand as he gives him a beautiful smile. “I love you too, Carlos, always.”

 ֎֎֎

 With a table full of too much food even for three large men, Carlos bites into an asparagus spear while Owen looks over at TK.

“So how goes the painting of the nursery?” he asks cheerfully, the way he seems to do everything else. In the time Carlos has known him, he just seems to find enjoyment out of everything. Even with his long battle with cancer, now thankfully in remission, Owen Strand could be found smiling.

TK lets out a huff as he plays around with the few vegetables on his plate. “Judd can’t paint; that’s how it’s going.”

“And you can, son?” Owen questions with a curious look on his face.

Carlos ducks his head to hide a smirk as TK rolls his eyes at his dad, obviously not pleased at his painting skills being questioned.

“Better than Judd,” he grumbles, and this time Carlos can’t hide his smile, pouty TK is adorable, before brightening up again. “We got it done though, and Grace is happy, which is all that matters.”

“Can’t believe she’s due so soon, three more weeks,” Owen says with a smile. Like everyone else, he’s just as excited for the arrival of the newest member of their crew. “You can start to see Judd is freaking out.”

TK snorts, giving his dad a nod. “He ran a practice run the other day, to see how fast he could get Grace in the car and to the hospital, he shaved his time from the last run by four minutes, to under 15, but he still thinks that’s not good enough. Two days ago, he started talking about borrowing Carlos’ light bar and siren.”

Carlos rolls his eyes at the comment; he’s already heard it from Judd himself. “The answer is no.”

TK laughs, his whole face lighting up. “I know, he’s just freaking out like dad said.”

“Have they decided on a name yet?” Owen asks, taking a sip of his water.

“Luna Joy,” TK answers, even happier than before. “It’s pretty, isn’t it? If she’s anything like Grace, she’ll be so beautiful.”

“It will be nice to have a baby in the family,” Owen answers with the same happiness.

Carlos watches as TK smiles softly at the words, he stays quiet as he listens to TK talk about the baby and how he can’t wait to meet her. Everything about him is gentle and soft as he expresses his happiness for his friends.

“It’s just great, you know?” he opens with a far-off look. “To get to be there, and see them enter this new chapter in their lives. They are so happy to take this next step, and it’s only going to make them stronger and even more in love,” he says, letting out a dreamy sigh that makes everything inside Carlos yearn.

Owen stares at his son for a moment before looking over at him; there is a look on his face that Carlos doesn’t understand, but it still puts him on alert.

“You know what I have a craving for?” he asks rhetorically, not waiting for an answer before he continues. “Those artisan donuts from the bakery two blocks over.”

“You want sweets?” TK raises a skeptical eyebrow at him. “Was it the talking about our pregnant friend that gave you a craving?”

“Listen, smartass,” Owen starts, ignoring the teasing look on TK’s face. “Make yourself useful and go get us some donuts while Carlos and I clean up.”

TK looks at his dad curiously and then back at him, a silent question on his face, and Carlos knows he’s probably thinking the same thing as him. Owen isn’t a subtle man, and it’s obvious he’s trying to get rid of TK for a moment. But if the man wants to talk to him in private, he’s not going to deny him.

“Bring me back something with custard filling,” he says with a shrug.

TK looks at him for a moment longer before turning back to his dad. “I’ll be back soon,” he warns him, while Owen just gives him a sunny smile that has TK rolling his eyes as he gets up and heads for the door.

Owen waits until the door is shut before turning towards him. “Let’s clean up.”

Carlos gives him a nod of agreement, standing up, he starts to collect the dirty plates with Owen, moving quietly into the kitchen. The counter has takeout containers all around it, and Owen moves towards them as Carlos heads for the sink. He gets to work on washing the dishes while Owen scoops out the leftovers into Tupperware.

“I just wanted to say that I’m grateful you’re in TK’s life,” Owen begins without hesitation. It’s not surprising, Carlos has gotten to know his boyfriend’s father well enough to know he doesn’t beat around the bush.

He turns around to face him; the plates are forgotten for a moment as he gives Owen his complete attention.

“I’ve liked you from the start,” Owen tells him honestly. “You’re a good man; you were patient with TK when he was struggling. You’ve been there for him and me as we dealt with my cancer. You’re good to my kid, and you’re good for him.”

Carlos swallows hard around the lump in his throat. This isn’t the first time Owen has told him something like this; he knows he’s had the man’s approval since the beginning, something that he’s thankful for, given how important he is to TK.

Still, there is something about the way Owen is looking at him, the tone in his voice that tells Carlos that there is a deeper significance to this conversation.

“Thank you, sir,” he starts hesitantly. “It means a lot you saying that, but – ” he trails off unsure how to continue.

“But why am I saying it right now?” Owen questions with a half-smile. “You can’t think of a single reason why the father of the man you love is telling you that he approves of you in his son’s life? Not one, Carlos? Nothing you’ve been considering asking TK?”

Carlos feels his face go red hot, burning when Owen laughs softly at him.

“Do I have it tattooed on my face?” he questions desperately. “Seriously? Are the words ‘I want to ask TK to marry me’ on my forehead?”

Owen laughs even louder, eyes similar to the ones he loves dancing with amusement. “Literally? No. Figuratively speaking? Absolutely. In big bright letters, all over your face,” Owen answers, waving a hand in front of his own face to show him.

“Oh my god,” Carlos says pitifully, covering his face with his hands to give himself a moment.

“Carlos, son,” Owen comes over to him. “There is no need to be embarrassed.”

Carlos takes his hands off his face, he finds that Owen is still smiling at him, but there isn’t any teasing or amusement there. Instead, there is an openness to his expression that makes him take notice.

“I can’t begin to say how grateful I am for you,” Owen starts, his bright eyes crinkling at the corners. “I see you with my kid, and the utterly naked love and care you have for him on your face. You love him the way I always hoped he would be loved, the way he deserves. TK can tell you, I have never liked a single one of his boyfriends, I was always polite, but I couldn’t stand them. He says my standards are too high when it comes to him, and he’s right, but he’s my son, and I want the person he chooses to be with to love and protect him with everything they have. To make up the moments where I have failed at that,” Owen says quietly, holding up his hand when he goes to speak.

He gives him a sad smile.

“Trust me I have failed him, when the towers came down I was so focused on my own grief I neglected my son, told myself he understood, but he was just a little kid, all he knew was that I wasn’t always around,” he tells him, shaking his head. “Somehow, he didn’t hate me for it, he forgave me, and I was still his hero. I failed him again by not noticing he was sinking into a dark hole and was using. And I failed him when I kept my opinions about Alex to myself when what I should have said is that I thought proposing to him was a mistake,” Owen confesses tiredly. “I knew, in the long run, he would hurt him, and I said nothing.”

Carlos contemplates Owen’s words before speaking. “I would never purposely hurt TK,” he says quietly, before continuing cautiously. “I’m not perfect, though.”

“I know without a shadow of a doubt that you would never intentionally hurt him,” Owen says softly. “And I also know you’re not perfect, but I see the way you try to be as perfect as you can be for him because you think it’s what he deserves.”

“It is,” Carlos insists, TK deserves nothing short of perfect. He frowns when Owen shakes his head.

“No, TK doesn’t need perfect,” Owen tells him as he places his hand on Carlos’ shoulder. “He needs someone who loves him with his whole heart. Someone who makes him feel safe, but also allows TK to protect them back because TK is first and foremost a protector, he has a need to take care of people. He needs someone who makes him better every day and challenges him. Someone who goes out of their way to make him smile, and laugh, and light up like the sun when they’re around him, and you need to know Carlos, that’s you. You are all those things to him. I see it every time I’m around the two of you, or when he talks about you, or hell when he’s texting you,” Owen continues with a shake of his head, grin firmly in place. “I have never seen him happier than when he’s with you. So if you’re thinking about it, I want you to know, man to man. Nothing would make me prouder than to call you my son-in-law.”

Carlos feels a lump of emotion in his throat; he hadn’t realized until now just how much he needed Owen’s approval. With his own father long gone, he’s come to see Owen as something of a father figure. To know that Owen – who no matter what he says about failing his son, loves TK more than his life – trusts him with his son enough to be okay with Carlos being the person TK might spend the rest of his life with, means everything.

“Thank you, Owen,” he whispers, getting the words out even as his eyes sting.

Owen smiles at him, his own eyes looking a bit wet. “Hug it out?” he asks jokingly, and Carlos lets out a startled laugh before he pulls the older man into a tight hug.

He feels Owen slap his back a few times, his embrace comforting. They stay like that for a moment, not hearing the footsteps until it’s too late.

“What’s going on here?”

Carlos and Owen pull away from each other, to find TK by the entrance of the kitchen, bag in hand, looking at them curiously and a little concerned.

“Everything okay?” he asks, a slight frown on his face, probably noticing the fact that both he and Owen look a little emotionally raw.

“Just having a manly hug,” Owen says brightly, crossing the room to take the bag of donuts from his son. “It’s good to show emotion and physical comfort,” he continues when TK raises an eyebrow at him. “Therapeutic, even.”

 ֎֎֎

 Carlos can tell TK is dying to ask what he walked in on back in his dad’s kitchen. He watches out of the corner of his eye as TK shifts around in the passenger seat. Carlos gives him credit for being able to hold off until he’s pulling into the Ryders’ driveway.

“Tell me,” TK starts just as he turns off the car, his voice small and low. “Is he sick again?”

Carlos startles at the question, snapping his head towards TK. The look of fear on his boyfriend’s face hitting him square in the chest. “No!” he exclaims, rushing to explain when TK continues to look doubtful. “Baby, I swear that’s not what we were talking about, as far as I know, Owen is healthy. You know he wouldn’t keep it from you if he was relapsing.”

“You two were hugging and had obviously been crying,” TK argues helplessly. “And it wouldn’t be the first time he kept being sick from me.”

“We were talking about you,” he answers, stressing the word.  He reaches out, running his hand through TK’s soft hair, pressing on his scalp to soothe him. “He was telling me that he’s happy I’m in your life, and that he can see that I make you happy.”

TK’s expression softens, the worry etched on his face alleviating some.

“You do,” TK answers quietly, he shifts until he’s sideways in his seat, tilting his head so that Carlos’ hand is touching his cheek, before pressing himself into the hold. “You make me happier than I have ever been before.”

“He said I make you smile,” he comments, touching the corner of TK’s mouth as it quirks upward.

“That’s true,” TK says with a wide grin.

“And laugh,” he continues.

“Mmhmm,” TK mumbles, closing his eyes as Carlos traces his mouth with his finger. “All happy feelings are tied to you.”

“It’s the same for me,” he whispers as TK opens his eyes, there isn’t much light around them, and yet he can see TK’s bright eyes, they crinkle at the corners as he looks at him. “I thought my life was fine before you came into it, and it was. I just didn’t know it could be this much better until you came along. You fill it with so much joy and love that sometimes I can’t believe it’s all mine.”

TK makes a quiet sound before he pushes forward, his hands pull at Carlos, and he only has a moment to take a breath before TK is covering his mouth with his. TK licks his way into his mouth, laying claim to him in that way of his that makes Carlos quiver.

“I love you,” TK whispers between kisses. “Every part of me is in love with you; every part of me will love you forever.”

Carlos feels his heart thunder under his ribcage. TK’s promise, along with the conversations he’s had with Grace and Owen, all mix together. The thought that has been consistently on his mind for weeks now ringing out loudly.

He knows what he wants; he wants this.

“Forever?” he asks quietly after another kiss; he wonders if TK can hear his racing heart.

TK makes a sound as he presses his forehead against his. “Forever,” he answers with a dreamy quality to his voice.

They stay like that for a moment, pressed against each other, and Carlos comes to a decision. He knows what he needs to do.

 ֎֎֎

 Carlos takes a steadying breath before he knocks on the front door of the Ryder house, waiting patiently for the door to open.

When it does, Grace greets him with a smile though looking a little confused, probably because he’s knocking on her door when TK and Judd are both at work.

“Hey,” he starts quickly. He’s full of nervous energy, and he needs to get it out before he backs out. “I was wondering – if you felt up to it – that is,” he rushes to reassure her. Grace is due in less than three weeks, and maybe she’s not up to going out. “If maybe you would come with me to look at rings?”

Grace stares at him, but Carlos can see the moment the words register with her by the broad smile that takes over her face, and in the next second, he has an arm full of an almost nine-month pregnant woman squealing in his ear.

“Watch the baby, woman!” he shouts, steadying her when she does a little hop.

“It’s fine,” Grace rolls her eyes at him, waving away his concern. “Luna Joy is happy and doing a little dance in here,” she pats her belly. “Her future uncle Carlos is going to propose to her godfather.”

Carlos raises an eyebrow as she points a finger in his face. “That’s a secret by the way. Judd hasn’t asked TK yet, so keep that to yourself. Come inside for a second and help me put on my shoes, I haven’t seen my feet in over a month.”

Carlos does as she asks, helping her with the shoes she points at under the mudroom bench.

“You sure I’m not putting you out?” he asks as he ties her tennis shoes. “You should probably be resting.”

“I’m pregnant, Carlos, not on my death bed,” she starts dryly. “I can walk around; it’s good for me. Plus, if you think for one second that I’m not going to help you find TK the perfect ring now that you’ve asked, you’re not as smart as you look.”

“Thanks, Gracie,” he says with a quirk of his lips as he helps her stand back up.

Grace places a hand on his forearm, giving it a squeeze as she smiles up at him. “I’m so happy for you two.”

Carlos rolls his eyes even though he can’t help the smile that covers his face, his stomach flutters with excitement and anticipation. “He hasn’t said yes yet.”

Grace levels him with a genuinely spectacular unimpressed look. “So we’re just being stupid today, is that it?”

Carlos pouts at her. “Rude,” he grumbles as she smirks at him, patting his cheek as she throws her purse over her shoulder.

“You’ll get over it,” she assures him, giving him a slight push out the door. “Now, let's go find the perfect ring for the love of your life.”

Losing his frown, he smiles again at her words, sounds perfect.

 ֎֎֎

 “Who knew you were so picky,” Grace comments as she leans against a glass case full of jewelry. She personally had stopped looking at rings half an hour ago and was instead enjoying the chocolate milkshake she made him get her from an ice cream truck as they moved on to the next jewelry store.

“You said I needed the perfect ring,” Carlos reminds her as he looks through the following glass case, the poor salesgirl who had been helping them had given up on him too, leaving him to browse alone.

“I didn't mean it literally,” she lets out a sigh after taking a big pull of her shake. “TK doesn’t care about the perfect ring, and you know it. What’s going to be perfect for him is that the man he loves wants to spend the rest of his life with him.”

“I know the ring doesn’t have to be perfect,” he tells her, barely sparing her a look as he moves over some more, he leans down until his nose is practically touching the glass as he squints at the rings. Some were too flashy, some way too simple, some god awful, and some were just okay. “But TK deserves perfect, and I haven’t found that, yet,” he vows.

Grace doesn’t say anything, but he can feel her eyes on the side of his face until it starts to burn. When he turns his head to look at her, he finds her looking at him with the gentlest of smiles on her pretty face.

“What?” he blurts out, his eyes widening when he spots tears in her eyes. “Are you okay? Does something hurt? Is it the baby?”

“No fool,” she says with a wet laugh as she runs a hand over her cheeks. “The baby is fine; these are happy tears. I have gotten a front-row seat to you two falling in love, and – “ Grace lets out a sigh, shaking her head as she smiles. “I’m just so happy for you guys.”

Carlos bites down on his lip, taking a deep breath through his nose, the emotions inside him nearly overwhelming him. “Don’t you dare start crying,” he whispers hotly when he sees more tears in her eyes. “If you start crying, and then I start crying, at least you have an excuse,” he points at her belly. “While I will just look like a crazy person.”

Grace laughs as she cradles her stomach, her dimples flash at Carlos charming him completely; her happiness for him makes him feel warm all over. “The perks of being a heavily pregnant woman.”

Carlos pulls her sideways to his chest, thanking her softly for her support. He holds her for a moment before pulling away when he hears her gasp.

“I think I found your ring,” she says, stepping out of his hold, she waves the salesgirl over pointing at a ring.

Leaning over the counter, he looks at the one she is pointing at and lets out a sound of his own. The ring is white gold or platinum, a smooth wide band, with a slimmer inner band a shade darker, in the middle deep in the band are two baguette diamonds. The ring isn’t too simple or too flashy; it’s somehow just perfect.

The salesgirl hands him the ring, and the moment he holds it, he knows it’s the one.

Grace can see it on his face by the wide grin she gives him. “I’m good, aren’t I?” she says, pleased with herself, and well, as he holds the ring he’s going to ask TK to marry him with, he can’t really argue with that.

 ֎֎֎

 It takes another week for him and TK to be off work on the same night. In that time, he thinks about every way he could ask TK to marry him while the ring sits inside his sock drawer taunting him. He thinks maybe a fancy restaurant is the way to go but discards it; he’s too nervous about doing it in public.

In the end, he decides to do it at his apartment; he plans a meal he thinks TK will enjoy, cleans his place within an inch of his life, and sets enough candles to be romantic but not get a fire safety lecture from his boyfriend. He dresses nicely after being done with dinner, pockets the ring, and then waits for TK to arrive. Luckily for his nerves, TK shows up at the time he promised he would. When he hears movement at the door, he rushes to open it before TK can use his key.

“Hey,” TK starts to greet him, a look of surprise on his face, keys in his hand. He watches as TK takes in his appearance, and his expression changes from surprise to interested. “Well, hello handsome,” he says slowly, a smirk working it’s way to his mouth.

“Hi,” he exhales, his heart is already racing, and the night hasn’t even started. He leans in to give TK a soft kiss; only that TK has other intentions as he presses his body firmly against his, circles his arms around his neck and licks his way into his mouth. Carlos returns the kiss with enthusiasm, he wraps his arms around TK’s waist, lifting him a few inches off the ground as he pulls him into the apartment.

“Fuck, sweetheart,” TK swears against his mouth a little breathlessly as he kisses him again. “What’s the occasion?”

“I wanted to do something nice,” he answers, going for another kiss, but TK pulls back, his eyes widening as he looks over Carlos’ shoulder.

“Whoa,” he says softly. Carlos turns his head towards what he’s looking at, and okay, maybe he went a little overboard on the table. But he’s a man with good taste and an eye for décor, sue him. “Please tell me I didn’t forget an anniversary,” TK jokes with a worried look on his face.

Carlos shakes his head at him, running his hand up and down TK’s back. “Trust me, you didn't, I just wanted tonight to be special,” he answers, grateful that his voice is steady.

He leads TK to the table, pulling out his chair. TK sits, but not before brushing his lips across his cheek, his expression tender.

Carlos moves into the kitchen, bringing out two plates of roasted chicken, rosemary potatoes, and a roasted tomato salad. He places a plate in front of TK, getting a smile in return.

“You’re amazing,” he says softly as he looks over at his dinner. “You got off shift only a few hours before me and did all this.”

“Martha Stewart helped with the recipe,” Carlos quips, getting a grin in return.

“You’re such a good provider,” TK teases as he bites into the chicken before letting out a soft moan, his eyes rolling back for a moment. “Fuck this is delicious, marry me.”

Carlos pulls in a sharp breath, and with it, a piece of chicken, choking.

“Shit,” TK swears, getting up from his chair as Carlos continues to cough. He feels TK’s hand slap his back hard, and he inhales again, rough, but actually getting some air. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he gets out. TK looks at him with concern while Carlos can feel his face turn red. “It just went down the wrong pipe.”

TK sits back down, but the look of uncertainty still lingers on his face.

“TK – “ he starts, his hand going into his pocket, feeling the cool metal of the ring.

“ – I was just joking,” TK says at the same time. “The chicken is so good,” he laughs, but it’s so uneasy and strained. “Marry me,” he continues, mocking himself.

Carlos pauses; he takes in TK’s wide eyes, uneasy expression, and feels his stomach drop in a really unpleasant way. He grasps his hand around the ring even though it feels like it burns now. Swallowing hard, he musters up what he hopes is a smile. “Right,” he says quietly, looking down at his plate, any desire for food gone along with any hope he had for the night.

“Carlos – “ TK starts, and Carlos can hear the worry in his voice, it makes his stomach twist even further.

He opens his mouth to reassure him when both their cell phones ring out with a rapid set of notifications. They frown at each other, both reaching for their phones.

“Holy shit,” TK exclaims, staring at his cell; Carlos gets up quickly, blowing out the candles as he reads the first text from Judd telling them Grace’s water broke and they’re headed for the hospital.

“Up, up, up,” he says, quickly pulling TK out of his shock. “We gotta go.”

TK lets him push him towards the door, only to stop before he can get it open. He watches him as he hesitates for a second, his eyes straying to their half-finished dinner.

“Are we okay?” he asks quietly. “I feel like I fucked up before,” he waves at the table awkwardly.

He stays quiet, not sure how to answer, the ring in his pocket feeling heavy, but the longer he remains silent, the more TK seems to fold inward, the look of uncertainty on his face getting worse until he can’t stand it. He takes a step forward, cupping TK’s face between his hands, making sure he looks at him. He leans in slowly, brushing his lips across TK a few times until he hears his boyfriend sigh softly and feels him take hold of his waist, pulling him closer.

“Of course we’re okay,” he tells him, making sure his voice is steady. He might be feeling a little heartbroken right now, but he is not going to make TK feel bad when he doesn’t even know what tonight was about. “You didn’t fuck anything up.”

TK frowns, his brow creasing in the middle. “Are you sure?”

Carlos nods, the smile on his face comes a little easier. He might be disappointed with the way the night has gone, but as long as he has TK, he’ll get over it. “I’m sure, baby,” he whispers, kissing TK once more, softly and tenderly, pouring all the love he has for him into it.

TK sighs again when the kiss ends, he presses his forehead against his, his nose rubbing against Carlos’. “I love you; you know that, right?”

Licking his lips, Carlos swallows around the lump in his throat. “I know,” he answers, giving TK a soft squeeze. “I love you too.”

 ֎֎֎

 When they arrive at the hospital, Marjan and Paul are already there, along with Judd’s father. Carlos stays by TK’s crew while he walks over to the older man giving him a friendly handshake.

“Any news?” he asks as he looks down at his friends.

“Judd is in the suite with Grace,” Paul lets him know. “We saw her a few minutes ago; she’s a little uncomfortable, but handling it like a trooper. There is a chance Judd might pass out though.”

Carlos chuckles softly at the image that makes, he turns when he feels TK slip his arm around his waist.

“Mr. Ryder just told me Grace asked for us to come to the room when we got here,” he tells him with an excited smile.

Carlos returns the gesture, sliding out of his arms to take his hand. “Let's go see our girl.”

TK’s smile grows, and Carlos is happy to see the worry from before gone from his expression.

They walk hand in hand to Grace’s hospital room, peeking in quietly. “Hey guys,” TK says softly, walking in through the door before him.

Grace and Judd look over at them, Grace with a tired smile and Judd with the expression of a man silently freaking out. Carlos understands Paul’s assessment better. The big guy does look a few shades paler than usual.

He walks over to his friend, squeezing Judd’s shoulder before leaning down to kiss Grace’s forehead. “How are you doing, mama?” he asks quietly.

Grace smiles at him, reaching up to touch his cheek. “I’m fine –  just having a baby, you know,” she answers like the smartass she is. “My cowboy here might faint, though.”

Carlos shares a grin with her when Judd protests and TK snickers.

“How was dinner?” she questions excitedly, and Carlos feels a moment of panic. He drops his hand to hers, giving it a quick squeeze just as TK speaks.

“You knew Carlos was cooking me dinner tonight?” he asks, when Carlos looks at him, there is a slight frown on his face.

“She gave me the link to the recipe,” he improvises quickly.

TK looks at him for a moment longer, looking unconvinced. He’s not the only one staring at him. Grace is giving him an unimpressed look of her own.

“Judson, I would like something cold to drink,” she says, her gaze turning to her husband before looking at TK, giving him a tilt of her head towards Judd. “Please go with him sweetheart, I don’t trust him to remain on his feet on his own.”

“I’m fine,” Judd argues even as he stands.

“You weren’t fine five minutes ago,” she reminds him with a look.

Judd rolls his eyes, letting out a huff. “You were screaming.”

Grace levels him with another look, though her mouth twitches. “Boy, are you in for a surprise when it’s time for me to start pushing,” she says with a wry smile. “Now, go get me my drink, please.”

Judd softens, he leans down to kiss her, brushing back one of her curls. “I’ll be right back, I love you, Grace Ryder.”

Grace closes her eyes, a smile on her face. “I love you too, Judd Ryder.”

Carlos watches them with something that can only be longing stirring in his chest. When he turns, he finds TK watching him with an unreadable expression on his face.

“Come on, TK,” Judd says, slapping his shoulder when he doesn’t move. “My baby wants something to drink; we’re going to bring her everything this hospital has.”

TK lingers for a moment longer, his eyes not moving from his face. “Be right back.”

He gives him a nod. “Okay,” he says softly, watching him until he leaves the room.

“What happened?” Grace asks the second they’re alone. “Tonight was supposed to be the night, did texting you interrupt you from asking him?”

“No, it wasn’t you guys,” he assures her, sighing when she gives him an impatient look. Sitting down in the chair next to her, he gives her a quick rundown of the dinner. When he’s done, Grace is looking at him with a small frown.

“Oh sweetheart,” she starts, taking his hand in hers. “You know it was just a joke.”

Carlos shakes his head. “He looked spooked.”

“Because you probably looked spooked, he’s following your lead,” she argues before wincing, holding her stomach as she leans forward.

“Are you okay?” he asks, standing up quickly to support her back.

“Contraction,” she says through gritted teeth. “Don’t change the subject.”

Carlos lets out an incredulous laugh, rubbing her back as she breathes through the pain. It takes a few breaths, but the tightness on her face loosens. She leans back on the bed once more, when she does, she levels him with a look.

“I got scared, okay?” he says quietly, but all it does is earn him another exasperated expression.

“You’re really going to talk about being scared to the woman who is about to push a human out of her body?” she questions dryly.

Carlos glares at her, rolling his eyes when she continues to stare him down. “Okay, fine, fair point.”

“Thank you,” she says smartly before softening, she holds out a hand for him to take. “You love TK, and you want to marry him. It was unfortunate timing, that’s all it was, and now you’re basing your decision on it. Tell him what you want. TK loves you; even if he might not be ready to get married, this isn’t going to be the end for you guys, but keeping your desires a secret will only hurt you two in the end. He’ll sense something is wrong, given the look he gave you before he left the room, he probably already does. Ask him and let him have the time to give you an answer. It’s only fair.”

Carlos looks at her for a moment before shaking his head. “You’re way too wise,” he says fondly as he places a hand on her stomach. “This little girl is so lucky that you’re her mom.”

Grace’s eyes well up, tears spilling down her face as she smiles brightly. “I’m going to be a mama,” she whispers, the joy in her voice makes him misty-eyed too, and he nods as he squeezes her hand.

“You’re going to be an amazing one.”

 ֎֎֎

 They get back to the apartment past midnight when it became apparent that it was going to be a long night before Luna Joy Ryder decides to make her presence known, and Grace sends everyone home.

She whispers ‘be brave’ in his ear when he hugs her; he doesn’t need to whisper ‘you too,’ she’s already braver than him.

The ride back to his place is quiet, and he knows he’s going to have to say something soon, there is only so long TK is going to keep silent. As for him, Grace’s words and the ring in his pocket still weigh heavily. Their unfinished dinner is still on the table, and there are dishes in the sink that need to be washed before they can go to bed.

Carlos tells TK as much, getting a nod in return from him before he tells him he is going to change quickly out of his clothes. As he watches TK head for the bedroom, he can see the tension in his shoulders; the same strain is all around them. He hates it, and resolves that when TK comes back out, he’s going to take Grace’s advice and tell him what’s going on. He can handle TK rejecting him or telling him he’s not ready for marriage yet, what he can’t take is upsetting his boyfriend unintentionally by being closed off.

He gets to work in the kitchen, putting away the leftovers and throwing away the extra waste before he starts washing the dishes. He’s elbow deep into getting the grease out of his roasting pan when he feels movement behind him, and he’s not at all surprised when a second later he feels TK’s body pressed against his back, his lips at the base of his neck as his hands hold on to his hips.

TK lays a series of feather-light kisses right below his hairline. “I’m sorry,” he whispers into his skin before pressing his forehead between Carlos’ shoulder blades.

“Baby, I promise you, you have nothing to be sorry for,” he says quietly, sighing when he feels TK shake his head against him.

“Obviously this was something, and I messed it up somehow,” TK argues, his voice is low, but Carlos can hear the distress in it, making his stomach clench. There is nothing worse than when TK is upset and blaming himself. “I upset you, I might not know what I did exactly, but I’m still sorry.”

Carlos lets out another exhale; they both stay quiet for a moment. It’s time for him to tell TK what all this is about, he can’t let him go on feeling like he did something wrong when he didn’t. TK is quiet, and he thinks he can sense that he needs a second before he speaks. He takes another breath as he reaches for a hand towel, drying his hands before turning around. TK steps back to give him room to move before coming back into his space, his hands reaching for Carlos again, and he has to smile at the gesture as it settles some of his nerves. He knows TK loves him without a doubt; his boyfriend shows him every day with every touch and look he gives him. That isn’t going to change after tonight.

With resolve, he opens his mouth. “I was going to propose tonight,” he says quietly.

He watches as a series of emotions flash across TK’s face, shock, happiness, nervousness, hopefulness, it’s all there for a second, and then it’s gone, replaced by remorse.

“My joke – about marrying you because the chicken was so good,” he whispers, trailing off as he closes his eyes for a moment in regret. “Baby, I’m so sorry, if I had known – “

“Hey, hey, hey, no,” he rushes to speak, placing his hands on either side of TK's neck. “No, don’t feel bad about that. It was just a joke; I reacted badly.”

“I upset you,” TK argues, his hands holding on to his wrists, his green eyes pained and pleading. “I’m sorry.”

Carlos leans forward, pressing a firm kiss against TK’s forehead, as TK’s hold on his wrists gets stronger. They stay like this for a moment, just breathing and forgiving each other for the evening's misunderstanding.

“I got nervous,” Carlos starts to explain, his voice low. “You said what you said, and then backtracked so fast that I got scared. I figured it meant that if I asked you, you would say no, and then it got weird. I made it weird, and I’m sorry, I know you have been confused and worried all night wondering what’s been going on with me. If anyone upset anyone, it was me.”

TK pulls his hands off his face, using the hold on his wrists, he brings Carlos’ arms around his waist before letting go. He wraps his own arms around Carlos neck, pulling him into a tight hug. Carlos returns the embrace just as strong; he presses his face into TK’s neck, the anxieties of the evening finally seeping out of him as he breathes TK in.

They stay in each other's arms, just taking comfort in each other for a few minutes. When TK pulls back to look at him, there is a shy look on his face as he bites down on his bottom lip.

“Did you get me a ring?” he asks quietly.

Carlos laughs softly and gives him a nod. His heart ticks upward when TK looks at him expectantly, and with a steadying breath, he reaches into his pocket, pulling out the ring for TK to see.

TK lets out a quiet gasp; he brings a shaky hand to the one Carlos is holding the ring in, and when he looks back up at Carlos, his eyes are shining.

“I know your plans kind of got ruined tonight,” he starts to say, licking his lips nervously before he continues. “And maybe you’re not ready to ask me now, and that’s okay. But I need you to know one thing, Carlos. I love you, I am completely, and utterly in love with you, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. So it doesn’t matter if you ask me tomorrow, a year from now, a decade – or what I really want, which is right this very second,” he quirks his lips upward, his expression is lovingly amused and playful. “When you do decide to ask me to marry you, my answer is always, always, going to be a hell yes.”

Carlos stares at the love of his life; his heart is beating so fast he thinks he’s going to pass out. “You – “ he says incredulously. “Did you just propose to me?”

TK gives him a smirk, looking coy as hell. “I’m not the one with the ring,” he teases, his eyes sparkling with love and joy.

Carlos lets out a choked up, surprised laugh, not completely believing this is actually happening. “That’s true,” he answers with a grin, the happiness he feels coursing through him is almost overwhelming. “I should do something about that.”

TK takes in a breath, holding it as he stares at him. Taking one of his own, Carlos starts to go to his knee, feeling his eyes sting when TK lets out a choked sob, his hand going to his mouth.

“Tyler Kennedy Strand,” he starts, the sting in his eyes getting worse as he tries to keep the tears at bay. He takes TK’s left hand in his, holding the ring at the end, and he has to smile when he sees that TK is already nodding his head even though he hasn’t asked. “You are the love of my life, my best friend, and the reason I am the happiest I have ever been. I never knew I could love anyone as much as I love you. All I want is to make you feel happy, safe, and loved. If you let me, that’s what I’ll spend the rest of my life doing. Will you marry me?”

TK’s smile is bright and full, even as tears run down his face. “Hell yes,” he whispers, and Carlos lets out a crying laugh as he pushes the ring up TK’s finger.

TK goes to his knees before Carlos can stand, arms around his shoulders, he pulls him into a hard kiss.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” TK repeats over and over again between a series of quick kisses that make Carlos laugh joyfully,  he holds on to him, basking in the tremendous love he feels.

 ֎֎֎

 Carlos turns off the light of the bathroom before walking into his bedroom with a towel around his waist; he uses a smaller one to dry his hair. He finds TK with just bottoms on, sitting on the edge of the bed, staring down at his hand with a smile on his face.

“This really happened,” he says quietly as he runs his thumb over his ring. “We are getting married.”

Carlos smiles at the amazement he hears in TK’s voice; it’s the same he’s feeling. The whole time he was in the shower, he couldn’t believe that he hadn’t daydreamed what happened in his kitchen. While it hadn’t gone how he originally pictured, he honestly couldn’t imagine it more perfect than it was. The love he feels for TK and the love he feels from him in return made the moment perfect.

“You did say yes,” he teases gently.

TK looks up, his eyes running over every inch of him; the gaze feels like a hundred soft touches that cause Carlos to shiver, smiling at his reaction, TK holds out his hand silently. Carlos walks towards him, his body heating up just from the look TK is giving him. Coming to stand in front of him, TK places his hands on his hips, his fingers curling around the towel.

“You’re so beautiful, baby,” TK whispers as he looks up at him, his green eyes a shade darker. He leans in, brushing his lips over the skin right above the towel. “I can’t believe I get to keep you.”

He brings one hand underneath the towel, running it slowly up Carlos’ leg, stopping high on his thigh. Carlos exhales sharply as TK keeps kissing his stomach, dipping his tongue into his belly button while using his fingertips to give the underside of Carlos’ cock the softest of touches.

TK smiles into his skin, probably because he’s barely touched Carlos, and yet he’s already hard under the towel.

“TK – “ he gets out, his voice rough with want.

TK pulls back to look up at him again, a mischievous look on his face. He takes his hand out from under the towel, tugging at it to pull it off Carlos’ body.

“Damn,” TK breathes out slowly as Carlos hard cock bobs in front of him. “As long as I live, I’ll never get over how gorgeous you are.”

Carlos opens his mouth to speak, but all that comes out is a gasp when TK leans forward, giving the head of his dick a lick before pulling him into his mouth.

“Fuck,” he swears, his hands automatically going to TK’s head, he shudders as the action makes TK moan before sucking him in deeper to the wet heat of his mouth. “TK, baby,” he pleads, not even sure what he’s begging for, his brain going offline when TK hollows his cheeks, working his cock as he bobs up and down with enthusiasm.

Carlos breathes hard through his nose and just holds on. He feels on fire, every inch of him vibrating from how much he wants TK.

With great reluctance, he pulls out of TK’s mouth, groaning softly when his fiancé leans in further, chasing after him, frowning up at him when Carlos doesn’t let him use his mouth on him again.

“I was enjoying that,” TK pouts at him, and Carlos is amazed that he can be so damn sexy and adorable at the same time. He isn’t sure how he got so lucky to be the man TK loves.

“It’s our first time as an engaged couple,” Carlos starts, his voice is low and rough, he smirks when it makes TK shiver, his eyes going a little hazy as he looks up at him. “I’m not coming in your mouth.”

TK takes a sharp breath one second, and in the next throws himself back on the bed, his hands going to the waist of his bottoms, pushing them past his hips in a frenzy that makes Carlos chuckle. He reaches for his hands to steady them.

“Slow down, my love,” he says to him; he lets the back of his hand trail over TK’s belly, enjoying the way it quivers under his touch, his skin rising with goosebumps. “We have all night.”

“We have the rest of our lives,” TK counters, a loving smile on his face that steals Carlos’ breath away.

“Yeah,” he whispers in awe. “We do. Get up higher on the bed for me, sweetheart.”

TK does as he’s asked, pushing his pants off completely as he goes, leaving himself bare under Carlos’ gaze.

“And you say I’m beautiful,” he murmurs, shaking his head as he grabs a small bottle of lube and a condom from the side table, placing them next to TK before he starts to crawl between his knees. He licks his lips as TK spreads his legs for him to give him space, his body on display for Carlos as he looks at him with hooded eyes. TK’s body is already a pale shade of pink, and he hasn’t even touched him yet. His cock is hard, pointing up as a drop of precum collects at the head. “But look at you,” he whispers softly, he bends down, leaning in to press a kiss on TK’s inner thigh, first the right and then the left. “You are perfect.”

TK sighs as he starts to leave kisses on his skin, inching his way up. He places his hand on Carlos’ head, running his finger through Carlos’ drying curls. “I love you,” he whispers, the words turning into a soft moan when Carlos gives his cock a long lick of his tongue. Sucking on the head as TK had done to him, he slowly takes more and more of him into his mouth. TK keeps moaning, his hips lifting off the bed as he tries to sink deeper into Carlos’ mouth.

Carlos reaches for the lube, coating his fingers as he continues to suck on TK. He brings his lube-covered hand to TK’s opening, rubbing at the rim with wet fingers. TK lets out a whining noise, a please falling off his lips as he spreads his legs even further, bringing his knees up to give Carlos room.

Carlos takes his mouth off TK’s cock just as he presses a finger inside him. “Hold your knees for me, baby,” he tells him, praising him when he follows through with the direction, opening himself up entirely for Carlos to sink his finger into him. Carlos’ cock gives a jerk at the tight hold of TK’s ass on his finger. He slides it in and out a couple of times waiting for TK’s body to yield, when he starts to push a second finger he leans in, licking around them, tracing the rim of TK’s hole with his tongue.

TK lets out a shout, the words coming out of his mouth are a series of pleas as he pushes back into Carlos’ fingers and tongue.

“Carlos, baby, please,” TK moans, he’s still holding on to his knees, but Carlos can feel as he shakes. “Please fuck me already.”

Carlos gives him a few more pumps of his fingers before pulling them out of him and makes quick work of rolling on the condom. Covering TK’s body, he places his forearms on either side of TK, bringing his face inches away from him.

TK’s bright eyes stare into his, his mouth parting when Carlos’ cock presses against his opening. He watches as his eyes widen before fluttering shut as he starts to thrust into him. Lowering his legs, TK wraps them around his waist just as he bottoms out, his hips flush against the curve of TK’s ass.

“Baby, open your eyes for me,” he whispers as he touches the tip of his nose against TK’s. He waits until TK does as he wants to start moving, letting out a moan when he does. “That’s right, keep them open, keep them on me, I’m going to make you feel so good.”

“Carlos – ” TK gasps out as he gives him a push of his hips. He tightens his legs around him, moving under him to meet his thrusts with a push of his own.

“Fuck, you are amazing,” he murmurs at the feel of TK tightening around him, the hold he has on Carlos never gets old. It’s like TK’s body was made for him – no, they were made for each other.

“Carlos, please,” TK keens, a hand grips his hair, fingers wrapped tight around the top of his curls. His eyes are wide, his pupils so blown Carlos can’t see the green of his irises anymore, and the pretty pink on his skin goes past his chest.

“What do you need, sweetheart?” he asks, leaning down to kiss him. TK pushes into the kiss, sucking on Carlos' tongue in a way that makes him snap his hips harder and faster.

“Yes,” TK moans pleased by the reaction as he breaks the kiss to take a gasping breath. “Fuck me harder; I need to come.”

Carlos drops his head into the crook of TK’s neck, groaning into the skin as he does what TK wants. The next few minutes, the only sound in the room is the slapping of their skin and their moans mingling. When TK’s body locks, coming between them with a shout, his hole fluttering, and clasping around Carlos’ cock, he loses the last grip he has on his control and fucks into TK’s body with abandon.

Fast and rough, he thrusts into TK until he’s coming hard and a touch painful, his whole body quivering from the intensity of his orgasm. Dimly he feels TK running his hands up and down his back, petting him softly until he stops shaking.

When he hears TK laugh softly, he pulls his head up from his shoulder to look at him, finding a wide smile on his face.

“If that’s a preview to what married sex is going to be like,” TK starts, his eyes dancing with pleasure. “We’re eloping tomorrow.”

Carlos gives him a grin right before pressing his mouth to his; as he starts to feel sleepy, the day finally catching up with him, he finds that he doesn’t have a single problem with that.

 ֎֎֎

 He wakes up to lips trailing softly at the underside of his jaw, and a warm body pressed to his side.

“Hmmm,” he hums, and he feels those lips curve upward against his skin.

“Good morning.”

He blinks a few times, his eyes still feeling heavy with sleep. TK touches his cheek but not before Carlos catches the glint of the morning light on his ring. He’s instantly awake as he remembers just what happened last night. He turns his head, looking down at TK, who is resting his head on his shoulder and looking up at him with a soft smile on his face.

“Hi,” he says lovingly as Carlos looks at him.

“We are getting married,” he whispers, watching as Tk’s smile blooms, taking over his face.

Their phones on the side table beep at the same time, dragging their attention away from each other.

“Do you think?” TK asks as he reaches over to take his phone.

He punches in his passcode to find a couple of messages, all saying the same thing. With a grin, he looks at TK, who is waiting expectantly.

“Looks like we have a little girl to meet,” he tells him, the joy he sees on TK’s face warming every part of him.

 ֎֎֎

 They arrive at the hospital after 11 am, and TK is vibrating with happy energy. Walking into the hospital room they moved Grace into, they find Owen at the foot of the bed, while Judd is sitting on the edge of it next to Grace, looking down at the small wrapped bundle in her arms.

“Hey guys,” he calls out softly when TK looks like he can’t speak as he looks at the tiny little girl who is currently letting out an adorable yawn.

The three adults in the room turn to look at them with smiles on their faces. Owen steps forward first, hugging his son for a moment before stepping to the side, allowing TK to turn to the small family before them.

Judd stands up from the bed, waving TK over. It’s all he needs as he all but runs to his friend’s side, pulling him into a hug.

“I’m so happy for you, brother,” he hears TK say into Judd’s shoulder as the older man hugs him tighter.

“Thanks, kid.”

Carlos goes to the other side of the bed, leaning down to kiss Grace’s cheek. He sneaks a peek at the baby in her arms, a tiny spitting image of her mother. “Proud of you, Gracie,” he says softly to her, he reaches out and touches a little curl on the baby’s head. “You do good work,” he tips his chin towards Luna. “She’s perfect.”

“Just like her mom,” Judd tells them as he smiles down at his wife and child.

“How was it?” he asks, looking at both of them, he notices that TK hasn’t looked away from the baby. “No complications, right?”

Grace and Judd shake their head. “My baby handled everything like a trooper,” Judd answers, his gaze soft and loving as he looks back at Grace.

“She so pretty you guys,” TK whispers, just like him, he reaches out to touch the baby’s head.

Carlos knows the second Grace sees the ring by the noise she makes, muffled through pressed lips to keep from waking her daughter up.

“He said yes,” she says happily as she looks at TK’s hand, now frozen an inch away from Luna. She looks up at him, her expression pleased. “Like I knew he would.”

Carlos rolls his eyes, amused by her smugness; he catches the raised eyebrow TK gives him, along with the knowing look on Owen’s face from where he stands, the only one that looks confused is Judd.

“Grace knew you were going to propose?” he asks, ignoring the noise Judd lets out behind him, or Owen’s hushed finally.

Grace snorts back at him quietly. “Know? Who do you think kept him from having a nervous breakdown as he searched for the perfect ring?”

TK turns to her, sticking his bottom lip out. “And you couldn’t give me a heads up? I messed up his original plan.”

“I love you, TK,” Grace starts, her eyes twinkling with laughter. “But Carlos is my best friend now, and I had to keep his secret.”

Carlos grins down at her, warmed by her words.

“You didn’t tell me either, baby,” Judd whines, also pouting when Grace levels him with a look.

“Because TK is your brother,” she answers easily. “You would have spilled the beans.”

“I would like to say I saw it coming a mile away,” Owen chips in. “The moon eyes Carlos gives TK are a dead giveaway,” he smiles at both of them. “Congratulations on making it official.”

TK grins at his dad, thanking him softly, and he’s sure later when they’re alone, the Strand men will be hugging and crying about it together, but right now, Luna Joy Ryder is making her presence known by letting out a small cry, wiggling in her mom’s arms.

He watches as Grace and Judd both look at TK and then share a look between them. Grace nods in his boyfriend’s direction, and he starts to smile as he remembers a previous conversation he had with her.

“So – ” Judd starts, stepping forward to take Luna from Grace’s arms before turning towards TK, who is looking at his friend and his baby with wide eyes. “Do you want to hold your goddaughter, TK?”

TK startles at the question, his mouth dropping as he looks at Grace and Judd. “Are you serious?” he questions breathlessly. “You want me to – “

Big gruff Judd gives TK a sharp nod. “You’re my brother, and you’re my best friend. You have the biggest heart I know, and you have loved Luna since the moment you found out Grace was pregnant,” he swallows hard, but everyone can see the tears in his eyes as he looks down at his child. “Grace and I can’t think of anyone who would be a better godfather to our daughter than you, so what do you say? Will you take the title?”

TK has tears in his eyes, but he’s smiling hard. He licks his lips before speaking, his voice low. “When dad suggested I move in with you guys. I didn’t get why he felt I needed it at first, but you two welcomed me into your home anyway, made me part of your family, and I started to get it. He wanted me to have more than just him,” TK looks at his dad for a moment, flashing him a kind smile.

“Not because he was giving up, but because he knew I had closed myself off and I needed a support system. You guys gave me that. The affection and support you two gave me made me less afraid, and it allowed me to open up my heart again,” he turns to look at him, and Carlos is blown away by the love in his eyes. “Because of that, I have the love of my life, and we are getting married,” he whispers.

“None of you gave up on me, you showered me with more love than I know what to do with,” he smiles, looking at the baby in Judd’s arms. “It would be an honor to be your daughter’s godfather. Thank you for picking me,” he finishes saying, Grace is crying, and Judd is not much better. No one in the room has a dry eye.

“Your wedding vows are going to have all of us be a crying mess, aren’t they,” Grace jokes, breaking the mood as everyone laughs.

Judd places the baby in TK’s arms, and Carlos watches as TK looks down at her with amazement on his face.

“Hi Luna,” he whispers down to her, gasping when the baby opens her eyes. “My little moon,” he continues gently. “You are so loved, little one.”

Carlos feels another wave of emotion hit him hard, and in an instant, he sees his future. The man before him, the love of his life, one day holding their own child, looking at him or her with all the love in the world.

“There’s those moon eyes again, Carlos,” Owen comments as he shakes his head in amusement.

Grace snorts softly; reaching for his hand, she gives it a squeeze forcing him to look away from TK.

“The horse before the cart, Reyes,” she grins up at him knowingly. “Marry the boy before you start picturing babies.”

Carlos feels himself blush at being so easy to read, but TK lifts his head from whispering to Luna – the baby is holding his finger in her tiny fist – and there is a smile on his face that tells him he understands.

“Come here, sweetheart,” he motions him with a tilt of his head.

Carlos goes around the corner of the bed, pressing himself to TK’s side as he turns towards him to show him the baby.

Owen tells them he’s going to call the station and update the crew before leaving the room. Judd sits back down on the edge of the bed, brushing the hair out of Grace’s face as he leans down to kiss her. They’re in there own little world, and for a moment, Carlos, TK, and Luna are in theirs.

“Do you want this someday?” TK asks quietly, nodding towards Luna, his green eyes are beautiful and breathtaking as they look at him with so much love Carlos isn’t sure how he got so lucky.

“Yes,” he nods, answering honestly. TK beams at him, before leaning in to brush his lips against the side of his face.

“Good, me too,” he whispers next to his ear. “I promise we’ll have it.”

“I love you, TK,” he tells him, feeling it in every one of his cells just how much that’s true.

TK pulls back to look at him, his eyes crinkling at the sides as he smiles. “I love you too.”

Carlos wraps his arm around TK’s shoulder, holding on to him and his promise, knowing as long as TK loves him, he will always be loved this well.

[eveningspirit]

Denial [911 Lone Star fanfic]

Summary:  TK isn't waking up and Carlos has a theory why it might be. It's not something Owen can easily accept as a possible explanation.

A/N: I’m not nice to Owen here and I’m not sorry about it. It’s alright if you skip it.

Also on AO3

#

"Captain Strand, it's very hard, in such cases, to predict what is going to happen and when." The doctor tries to be patient, explaining things to Owen for the fourth or fifth time and Owen wishes he could just shut off his own impatience, his anger that TK isn't waking up, but he can't.

"It's been almost seventy-two hours."

"I know. All I can tell you is that his fever has gone down, there's no sign of brain swelling or any tissue damage. But he wasn't breathing on his own for several minutes, and even though there was no cardiac arrest and CPR, by trained professionals, was performed immediately, it's impossible to tell what the ultimate effects will be. By any medical standards, he should be awake already, or should wake up any minute." The doctor spreads his hands, unable to provide any more reassurance, and Owen wants to punch him. Or punch something, at least.

"It's almost like he doesn't want to wake up," Carlos, who stands next to him, whispers to no one in particular.

Owen's simmering anger bursts into a new flame.

"How can you say something like that?" he starts louder than is acceptable in a hospital and contains himself toward the end of the sentence.

The doctor raises both his hands in a placating gesture.

"It's not a matter of want or not-want in such cases," he says, looking at Carlos and for one Owen is glad the good doc is on his side.

Carlos shakes his head.

"He was depressed."

"He wasn't!" Owen bursts and Carlos gives him a look like he doesn't know anything, like he's not his son's father.

"Officer Reyes." The doctor's calm voice, more than his hand on Owen's shoulder, stops him from actually tearing Carlos a new one. TK wasn't depressed, Owen would have noticed if his son was depressed.

"For it to have such an effect," the doctor explains, "it would have to be clinical depression. If he was sad, or upset about something, we shouldn't really use that term."

Carlos turns to the doctor.

"He wasn't sad," he says. "He was numb. He told me a couple of times that he wanted to feel something and couldn't quite get there, not even with sadness or anger. It's like he didn't have the energy for it. His words, not mine. He was," Reyes hesitates, like he doesn't want to say it. His lower lip wobbles. "I think he was suicidal."

"Don't…" Owen can hardly utter the words. "Don't you dare."

"That's a very serious assumption," says the doctor in a careful, measured tone.

"He attempted," Carlos spreads his arms. "Back in New York, five months ago." He looks to Owen, partly challenging, partly seeking confirmation. Owen is not going to give it to him.

"No, he didn't." He utters. "It was not--"

Carlos cuts him off. "Just because you reported it as an accidental overdose, and thus effectively brushed it under the carpet, doesn't mean it actually was an accident!" His anger is as helpless as Owen's. "It was deliberate. TK knew what he was doing before he did it and while he was doing it. He didn't call for help. You finding him on time – that was an accident. That was unplanned."

Owen feels like he received a blow to the head. He refuses to take it all in, while bare facts are glaring him in the face and mocking.

"But after that…" he tries. "After, when we got here, he was fine."

"What was he supposed to tell you? He didn't want to worry you, you had enough going on."

Owen rubs his face. He can't believe it.

"He's my son. We always had this close relationship and we talked about everything." How could this happen? How did he miss so much about his son's life? "Why did he confide in you and not in me?"

The last three days… The last three days have changed a lot about his perception of TK and a lot of that change can be attributed to this man. Officer Carlos Reyes. Owen didn't even know TK's been seeing anyone. The man who knows what those initials stand for. Who, apparently, knows more about his boy's mental state than he, TK's own father.

Reyes is right; TK wasn't well and in hindsight it becomes obvious. He might even have tried to tell Owen that he was worried about him, that he was scared of losing him. The way he reacted to Buttercup? That was a dead giveaway. But then he… then he hugged the dog and Owen thought everything was okay.

TK was okay. He is okay, and the reason he isn't waking up can't be that, deep inside, he wishes he was dead.

"This isn't about you," Reyes says in a low voice. "For once, Owen, please, don't make it about you."

Owen looks up, meets the policeman's eyes and he wants to protest, but he knows Reyes has a point. He does have that tendency to make everything about himself. He has some explanation at the tip of his tongue, but Reyes breaks eye-contact and turns back to the doctor, who is still standing there, in front of them, TK's chart in his hand.

"Is there anything we can do?" Reyes asks.

The doctor shakes his head. "If there indeed was clinical depression, it might be a factor corroborating the condition. His coma may not be neurological, it may indeed be psychological. Granted, in a state like this, his brain heals itself – also from mental illness. To boost that healing, there's only one thing I can think of, and you two," he looks at Owen with a small smile, like he appreciates Owen's contribution. "You are both already doing it anyway. It's another human's presence. Talk to him, touch him, hold him, if you can. It's a mystery. But it often works."

"Thank you, doctor." Owen extends his hand. He's grateful for this appreciation of his efforts because no matter what Reyes thinks, he is trying. He is doing everything in his power to help his son.

The doctor leaves and Owen turns to the side, but Reyes is no longer there. He can see his back as he enters TK's room, he sees him sit by TK's bedside in the same spot he's been sitting for the past three days.

He's already there.

Owen furrows his brow as he watches the policeman. There is no higher priority for Reyes right now, than TK. His wellbeing, his comfort. And Owen has to wonder – had he ever really put TK first, before everything else? Before his work, before his passions, his goals? He thought he had, but considering how little he actually knew about TK, maybe he was wrong? Maybe he only cared about the image of his son he cultivated in his mind – his strong, resilient, survivor son. And whatever did not fit this image – all the weaknesses, doubts, depression – got dismissed. Maybe the real TK got lost somewhere in the process?

Owen has to put all his efforts now into finding him back.

#

Thank you for getting to this point.

I want to explain something here – I don’t think Owen is a bad person. I think he genuinely wants to be a good parent, but his issue is such as many parents have. They care more about their own image as 'good parents', than about actual wellbeing of their children. If kid’s everyday problems coincide with creating this image (Owen accepting TK’s homosexuality makes him a progressive and open-minded person, an image very much desired by him), we don’t even notice the dissonance. But when a child has a problem we don’t agree with (yes, I do that too, I try not to, but I made that mistake more than once), we tend to ignore it, get angry at the child, or push them towards achieving our goals (Don’t be afraid of me or the dog dying. Love the dog anyway).

I want Owen to realize that TK is a person separate from him. I don’t think I’ll get it, but at least I can have it in a fic, right?

I don’t know if any of you actually understand what I mean, but I hope at least someone does. :) This story was for you.

Thank you for reading.