#tired of working tired of the meds tired of never having energy to cook or clean or take care of myself

[melodiccudgels]

im tired.

[mariaace]

Sweet things they do as your boyfriends (Haikyuu!! Setters)

A/n:I love hq sm y'all don't get them like i do okay? Also these are just half of the people i wanna do, so keep in mind this might have a part two and three💜 i just don't feel like writing these days love y'all<3

Warnings: none

Genre: fluff

Type: headcanons

Pairings: Kageyama, Oikawa, Kenma, Atsumu, Shirabu, Akaashi, Semi, Sugawara

Windbreaker version

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Kageyama Tobio

Brings you to his practice. He says he 'can concentrate better' when you are around, even tho it's the exact opposite and he is even more distracted because you're there and he doesn't want to mess up. When the leaves and Yachi, he and Hinata stay for tosses he physically makes you stay too. (Show off). He also likes to answer absolutely any questions that you ask him about his tosses and the sport in general.

Oikawa Torū

He always mentions you when some of his fangirls ask about something. Like he would casually slid it in the conversation like the topic wasn't about him instead of you and then the whole convo becomes about you and your interests, habits and hobbies. At this point instead of you the media and his fan girls, come to ask him about you.

Kenma Kozume (x f!reader)

When he is playing a game with a female character he writes your name for them. Yeah, people might think he's a girl, but who cares. If you also like to play games, he would totally like to play on multiplayer with you, and he usually zones out if you are playing next to him, but he would never tell you that, of course.

Atsumu Miya

He would tell his team that he actually isn't very clingy, even tho no ones from the tram actually believed him and the moment he sees you in the audience in the matches, after it's over he's jumping onto you. And that also happens when you two are at school. The teacher needs to separate you two so you can breathe, after that he's pouting all day.

Shirabu Kenjiro

Shirabu likes to do your make up, especially your eyeliner. He's a med student, so his hands are trained to be very still. So whenever you do to do it, he immediately asks to do your eyeliner. Pop onto this boy's lap and hand him the eyeliner, and let hi mdo the magic. You can also ramble about your day while you're at it, just keep your eyes closed, okay?

Akaashi Keiji

He loves reading out to you. Whether that be after a long day that you are tired of, because you just want to finish a book, but you're too lazy, or just if you want to cuddle with him while he's reading. If you also mention some book that you wanted to get, oh he will go out of his way to get it for you. He will sit in a chair and pretend to be reading it until you actually see it in his hands and ask about it.

Semi Eita

Semi recreates your favourite songs. We all know he can play the guitar and that he's a musician in the time skip, so he recreates some songs that you like in different variations and lets you listen to them. If you have any Ideas about how he can do them, even better. Tell him at the second you think of it, he loves your ideas.

Sugawara Koushi

Sugawara can cook like no one else. And no one can change my mind about that fact. As nd he loves doing it with you, it doesn't matter if you know how to or not, he still wants you to be there if you have the energy. He sometimes even puts music as a background and when you two are done you end up dancing in the kitchen together.

© mariaace 2024 pls do not copy, translate, steal or claim any of my works!

Reblogs are highly appreciated!

[the-s1lly-corner]

Various crps x reader who struggles w/ self care

I miss old creepypasta fandom sometimes (unrelated to the post)

Characters: slenderman, eyeless jack, nina the killer, masky

Notes: reader is GN, can be read as romantic or platonic, very self indulgent for the admin but hes keeping it mostly open/vague so those can also enjoy this, admin uses any pronouns for nina

CWs: none

SLENDERMAN

still in love with the idea that hes not fully aware of your needs as a human but hes knows the bare basic minimum- something about him not being a human himself and not regularly interacting with them to know what to look out for blah blah blah/lh

notices youre a little more down than usual and he does his best to find out whats wrong- are you sick? tired? hurt? is his human okay? its kind of like seeing someone fret over their pet, except its this old cryptid and his human friend

mostly stands off to the side and quietly passes you some water and snacks, keeps your glass full so you dont have to keep getting up- or a bottle of water if you would prefer!

though its not unlikely for him to get more assertive with his care, he might just pull you away from bed and try to get you cleaned up. if you let him hes going to be doing everything for you

will interfere with outside things so you can have a day to yourself to rest and recover (ex. fizzing out work calls, messing with any electronics if anyone is bothering you, ect ect, god forbid someones actually making you feel horrible on purpose)

EYELESS JACK

very good at reminding you to drink water and take your meds (if you have them), i like to think that sometimes he lives vicariously through you because you can still eat human foods and that bleeds into generally what you need to put in your body-

what i mean to say is that he is great at keeping track of things for you if you struggle with it! time, energy, or just not having the motivation, hes making sure you get what you need even if you cant do it yourself

does his best to get you some extra boost of vitamins and stuff in an attempt to boost your energy/mood, obviously he knows its not going to be a magic fix but its better than nothing.. hes the one cooking though! for reasons that align with the first bullet point!

very straight forward and blunt when asking if theres anything wrong, he can come off as disinterested or annoyed based off of his tone but genuinely hes trying his best to help you open up... jack himself isnt used to opening up so he doesnt have much experience being gentle and soft

brushes through your hair before you both go to bed

NINA THE KILLER

nina can be a bit of a hypocrite when it comes to this sort of thing as they tend to not... take very good care of themselves.. though its mostly out of not remembering to keep to a routine

does her best to get you to go out and do something with her that will eventually lead to you taking care of yourself in some way- asking you out for lunch or doing an activity that gets you extremely messy so you have to go take a shower

if your lack of proper self care is caused by any personal struggles you may be facing, nina makes it more than clear that you can go to them to talk

easily the most non judgmental person ever, you can tell her nearly everything and shes not going to think of you any differently

opens up about her own struggles to make you feel less alone

THE monarch of reminding you to take your meds, if you have them

MASKY

watches you from the side like a cat, kind of just keeps an eye on you throughout the day to make sure you're still kicking

will push a plate of snacks and your meds to you- like a cursed little charcuterie board!

he would make you a meal but ignoring the fact hes not a good cook at all, he feels it would be easier on you to just have snacks.. better something than nothing

will keep you in bed if youre tired or sore, will keep you pinned to him if he needs to- you might just take it as him wanting to cuddle...

and he never cuddles so to you this is a once in a blue moon experience!

or do you need to get up and stretch? hes going to do something to get you up, be it pestering you until you come to get him to pipe down or trying to get your assistance for something

might even lift his mask up next to you to get you to brush his teeth with him

[the---hermit]

I have not kept it a secret that this semester commuting has been really rough on me. By the time I get home in the middle of the afternoon even if I only had to sit in a hour and a half lecture I feel like an overcooked noodle. And the mornings aren't any easier, my anxiety has been spiking a lot lately, and that messes me up completly, and it's particularly hard on my stomach. Let's just say it's a very demanding period of my life both physically and emotionally and I have been doing my best to get through it with ups and downs, but most importantly by trying to properly take care of myself. I decided to compile a list of small things that have been helping me, both for future reference as well as for people who might be dealing with similar issues.

Prep everything I can the night before. I don't leave the house until more or less mid morning since my class is on lunch time more or less (and this will come up again), so I do have time to do stuff in the morning, but if I have already put everything I need in my backpack, picked an outfit for the day and checked that I have my bus ticket the night before I can have a much calmer morning. Having a calm morning is fundamental for me on any day, so especially when I have a stressful and energy demanding day ahead I want to make sure I don't have to rush, and here is my second point.

Try to have a morning as calm as possible before I have to leave. I am a morning person so I wake up quite early which means I have plenty of time to take it easy. And this means drink my tea as I read my book, prep the last few things I need, like my waterbottle, eat (on which I'll have a later point). Overall my morning before leaving needs to be slow and mostly made of things for myself so again my precious reading time, listening tocmusic as I get ready to get in a better mood and so on.

Taking my meds regularly. It's the logical thing to do, if I am in a period in which my anxiety is worse than usual the number one goal is to be consistent with meds, they are there to help me even if sometimes I forget that.

Finding ways to enjoy food when anxiety fucks up my stomach. What happens is that as soon as I have an anxiety spike for some reason I get very nauseous, which is terribly by itself and it gets worse when it makes me struggle to enjoy my food. But I found a couple of ways to work around that in the past few weeks. Eating when I am away from home is much worse so what I do is embrace the little hobbit in me and have more meals when I am at home, and just bring some snacks on the road if I need them. That means I have two breakfasts before I have to leave the house, the last being a bit more filling. And then when I get home no matter how tired I am or what time it is I cook something for myself, something simple, but I take the time to make something good that fills me up and makes me happy. Because having a full stomach does improve your mood belove me. When I am on the road I bring some lighter snacks that can help me if I feel like I need to have something but that will also work well if I have a spike in anxiety and correlated nausea. I usually eat some homemade bread while I walk from the bus stop to my uni, and then snack on some nuts while I wait for the lecture. And I always have an emergency sweet treat in my backpack because that is something that I actually do on a regular basis. This thing has been working very well, I have had less problems with my stomach acting up, and I am definitely getting all the nutrients I need during the day, just at times that are a bit different from my normal routine.

Bring tea with me. It's something I never did before but it's becoming the one thing I won't give up. I either make a green tea or an herbal tea that I drink before the lecture, and it's been so good for me both physically and mentally. It's been super cold so the warm treat is really needed, but most importantly it's been very comforting and calming, so shutout to my dad for suggesting that.

Having little things to look out for during the commute. This mostly consists of me listing to podcasts, and re:dracula has been of great company in my commutes last year so it's nice it's become a bit of a tradition. It's just good for me not to associate commuting with negative things, so now I just percieve it as poscast time which makes it much much better. This also includes texing friends when I feel like I can look at the screen of my phone without getting car sick (again when anxiety messes me up I can get random car sickness), that's good to keep my mind off things and make the commute feel lighter.

Total relax when I get home. Which sometimes means lying in bed with a cup of tea and nothing more. If I have enough brain power I might read a comic, or play stupid midless games on my tablet for a bit. Honestly just things that need as little energy and brainpower as possible because by that time I do not have much energy or brainpower left, and it's okay. I normally use up a lot of energy when going out and it this period of time all tasks require I use even more energy. I can't do much about it other than accept it and do my best to tke care of myself.

[auspicioustidings]

Gaz and Price taking care of each other (they r in love and this can be soft or horny whatever u want) 💈💙

Nothing but the softest for these two smooshes!

Fracture

Words: 1k

It was not the first time that John Price had broken bones, not by a long shot, but it was the first time that the healing was being so annoying.

The pain of a fractured shoulder he could about live with, but not being able to do anything properly was driving him up the wall. His clumsy left arm was doing a piss poor job of trying to look after him, especially given that his right was in a sling meaning even his hand was fully out of commission.

He had stubbornly refused to ask for help obviously. He was a bleeding Captain in the SAS, he did not need coddling. When the muppet of a medic had suggested he get help in, some large arsed matron to do his cooking and cleaning and fuss over him, he had promised them that his left hook would work just as well if they didn't drop the issue, give him his meds and send him on his way.

It had been a week and he was living on take out. He was no stranger to being a little grotty out on mission, but never in his own home. He hated not being able to be as meticulous with cleaning both his space and himself, but every stretch was agony on that right shoulder and ran the risk of fucking it up worse if he wasn't more careful.

There was a knock at the door and he wondered if he had ordered food and forgotten about it, possible with the cocodamol even if he was only taking half the recommended dosage (he had seen how Simon had baulked when they gave him all that heavy medication, when they told him how long he should be on it for. There was no way John would ever risk picking up the phone to him and being loopy from pain meds, not when he knew how much it could hurt him and when the pain wasn't so dreadful he couldn’t cope).

It was not a food delivery.

“Gaz?”

“Well invite me in Captain, it's bloody freezing out here.”

Price stood aside in bemusement as his thoroughly bundled up Sergeant politely toed off his shoes and put them neatly to the side before taking off into the house like he owned the place.

Gaz hadn't ever been here before but he hardly waited for the grand tour, instead doing a full sweep with Price trailing after him.

“Trying to find treasure or something Gaz?”

“No sir, just getting the lay of the land.”

“Uh huh. Care to enlighten me as to why?”

Gaz had at this point poked his head in everywhere and they had settled back in the kitchen. Price was sore and tired and a little gross, but none the less he had enough energy to be somewhat embarrassed by the state of the place.

“Junk food is for garbage people.”

Price had the sense to not argue. It was something he always told his team anytime they ordered food to base. If there were facilities to cook, then John Price was damn well going to have a home cooked meal.

“Messy room, messy head.”

Yes ok, technically he used that one pretty often as well. He was always on at them to keep the base tidy and clean.

“Nothing better than a proper soak after a long mission” Gaz finished with a gentle, lopsided smile.

“Gaz…”

“Let me help old man, that's what your team are for.”

So he let him help. The first thing was getting put into a hot bath. Gaz helped him settle, macgyvered a little shelf to sit over the tub for Price to rest his arm on. And then he softly and carefully washed Price's hair.

It was such a strange thing, Price had never really had someone do this for him before. Gaz was gentle, his nails scratching his scalp pleasantly. This felt more vulnerable somehow than being under fire, sitting in the bath with someone he loved paying him such careful attention.

“I might not be the best person to help with the beard, but Soap could probably do it. Did you know he grew one out when he was last on medical leave?”

“That your way of telling me I'm a mess?”

“Oh the rugged look fully does it for me sir, just incase it doesn't for you. Would hate for you to use the sad invalid method that Keller does to lure a nice lady back here and then give her carpet burn.”

He couldn't smack Gaz in his current state, but he did make a valiant attempt at splashing water at him.

“You're a fucking muppet.”

“That's why you like me so much.”

He was almost sad when his hair was rinsed and he was left to soak alone for a bit. He could hear the whirlwind of tidying and cleaning happening around his house and Price couldn't help but enjoy Kyle Garrick being in his space. The man was his home whether Price wanted to admit that or not, so with him here this house had never felt more right.

Christ it was a good thing he wasn't taking full dosage lest it make him say something he might regret.

Gaz returned right as Price was starting to prune and helped him out, fluffy towel at the ready. Honestly he did not need this level of attentiveness, but when he tried to protest Gaz just brushed him off.

“Your job might be to take care of people, but right now you're on leave. It's time for someone to take care of you John.”

Oh. Oh that name sounded wonderful coming from him. Turned out he was a decent cook too, having managed to make a hearty soap from what he could find in the kitchen. For the first time since the fracture John Price felt human again. He was eating a good home cooked meal, the place was tidy and he was clean. The words came easy.

“Love you Kyle.”

“Love you too John.”

[coffeecatsandhealth]

12/28/24

Making ricotta pie for the first time. It's lemony and sweet like a custard. It's apparently a common dessert for Italians around Easter. I guess not my family, because I had never heard of it, but found it when looking for approachable Italian desserts to go with the Christmas lasagna we'll have tomorrow. The only thing about it that makes it Christmas lasagna is that we're having it for Christmas. Lol. I'm a whisper bit of Italian so I don't look it and I barely have any in my bloodline. My fiance loves our family lasagna and requested it for Christmas this year.

So far, I've made the ricotta pie (it's in the oven), cranberry cookies, and pecan pie. I'm going to make some gingersnaps tonight to put in the cookie jar as we're trying to make more things at home like cookies and buy less of them. My very cute fiance has a big sweet tooth. I've been mostly using older recipes that seem to use less sugar overall. I've recently tried sour cream cookies from an Amish recipe from one of my cookbooks and one from Baking Yesteryear. I liked the Amish one a teensy bit better, but I had to cut the recipe into 1/4 the original yield because a lot of the Amish cookie recipes I found are enough to feed an army.

The gingersnap recipe I'll be using is vegan, which I sought out on purpose because I ran out of eggs. I figure if things get weird and difficult under Trump like I suspect, it won't hurt to be creative with cooking like learning how to bake things like cookies without eggs for instance. There's some logic there. I'm thinking about vegetarian and vegan meals too here and there if meat and dairy prices go up, but nothing too complicated and fussy ideally. I have quite a library of my cookbooks growing.

I haven't really had much of a chance to exercise lately, but honestly I've mostly been trying to take it easy outside cleaning and cooking because I've had a little time off of work this past week. I sorta dread going back to work because I am unsupervised and left to my own devices because haha, oh yeah I'm a project manager. I feel like I don't know what I'm doing sometimes and I need to come up with a game plan for some work stuff soon. I've been dreading that and I hope things come to me mentally because they haven't.

Ah, also recently had med changes. I stopped taking Topiramate because it's not working for weight loss and I think it's been making me tired and foggy headed during the day. I've decreased Lexapro and have the goal of going off of it, and I've started Pristiq. This is all under the guidance of my prescriber. So we're seeing if this works for me. In the short term I do feel like I have more energy and I don't feel as groggy waking up in the morning. I actually feel well-rested. I'm still sleeping too much but it'll take awhile for my new meds to work. Here's hoping they work better for me and here's hoping that they don't get fucked up when my health insurance switches to United Healthcare on 1/1/25. I'm not pleased to be going to them. 😑

In other news, I am working on a list of things to not buy in 2025, things to buy less of, and things that aren't restricted by the aforementioned categories that I felt needed to be called out. One thing my fiance is suggesting we buy less of is concert tickets. 😅 He's right though. We went big because some of the concerts are for our honeymoon but we can't in good faith go buckwild the whole year JUST because we're getting married.

Oh yeah, we've recently decided to go for the courthouse wedding and I feel good about it now. I had reservations at first but it feel a hell of a lot better about it now tbh. We have a vague idea of when we might get married. We're considering the spring equinox or the first Saturday after the spring equinox because I looked and found that it generally falls between March 20-21 every year and if we go for 3/22 it'll always be a day of spring and not sometimes winter. I like the idea of us getting married in spring as a new beginning and he likes it too so thats what we're thinking for now. It all sorta depends on when I find the right dress and how long it'll take to get tailored properly.

Now off to make more cookies!

[dragonstepp]

Retirement

In December, I turned 83. I have lived a full life, most of it good, a few times of it bad, especially in the 60s, when I was in my 20s, dealing with Vietnam, music (good), running a bar, having a great time. Be the time I met 75, I was living in Austin, working good jobs, not drinking. There I lived a pretty good life filled with science fiction organizations, and then radio, doing a Celtic music show. By the time I retired I was working in the graduate school at the University of Texas, and pretty involved in my liberal political life.

In 2009 I moved into assisted housing, was on the Board of Directors, the Fire Watch Council, and advocating for another elderly lady.

I wrote my autobiography at 79, had a nervous breakdown, lost three good friends (including the lady I advocated for), and survived covid.

Today, as I sit here, I recently fell and broke a couple of ribs, cracked my collar bone, and discovered I had a blood clot. I take a med for it, and I am in a good humour. But I finally figured out I could stop striving for things hard to get. Or unnecessary. I am well, still in good humour, tired of the trumpeter and ignoring politics (though I will still vote), and watching ACORN television, British television. I am watching and admiring Sam Heughan and wish I could move to Scotland, but it is a bit late for that, and I let my passport cancel. I am possibly (maybe) awaiting something from a half brother who died and left no will. With which, if I get it, will enable my best friend and I to take a train trip through Louisiana, Tennessee (my niece), and Washington DC which we have never been to, and the balance to be donated to several American Indian organizations, and the SPLC,which I already donate to.

In the meantime, I have four or five interests, which I will give my time to. My cats, food (I love to cook, like foods other than American), my booze, my cigarettes, and British television. I will keep up with Sam, and my interest in Scotland. I will vote, but otherwise, I am going to chill out in my apartment, read, listen to Tommy Fleming (and others), and just enjoy being alive. No more stress.

I hope this site stays here in some form. I do not use other social sites, especially those which are way too political. I've given up my energy to fight evil. I hope you, my friends, are able to find some peace in your lives.

Carol in Austin

[lastoneout]

just me venting about being disabled and having migraines dwbi

I honestly think the worst part about this whole migraine thing is like, how much shit I genuinely just cannot do anymore. I mean I thought not being able to have gluten was alienating, but this? It's a whole other level.

And like thankfully I do think we're going to be able to solve the problem, I have an appointment with a neurosurgeon and physical therapist, it's just taking a while, but in that time I have had to give up just about everything that I had left that I could do. Going outside gives me a migraine because it's hot and sunny so if I have an errand or appointment that is legit the only thing I can do that day. I can't cook anything more complex than like scrambled eggs and even then some days the pain is bad enough that I can't even cut up an apple to eat. I can sit at my desk for like maybe 6 hours before I have to stop, and I'm usually still in pain the entire time, I just ignore it bcs if I legit spent every day in bed I'd lose my mind. And even when I'm in bed I have to be super careful about using my phone or tablet or switch bcs angling my head down instantly makes everything worse. I can at least shower and brush my teeth but like, barely.

Streaming is like the one thing I save my energy for because it makes me happy and pulls in a little money, and even then I keep having to cancel to take care of myself and rest. I want to do collabs and stuff with my friends so bad but I can't because I never know until the day of if I'm actually going to be capable of streaming or not. I've had to cancel streams an hour in because I thought I'd be fine but then the pain hits. I haven't been able to hang out in my friend's streams or be a mod in the ones I'm a mod in because I just can't. I haven't even been talking to anyone bcs I'm so fucking tired that I can barely muster the energy to be social.

I can't do chores because ALL of them involve Looking Down and I can't do that, and my fiance works full time so the house is messy. And he does help take care of me as much as he can but again, he has work and so I do have to take care of myself as much as I can, and there's no one else I know in town who can help take care of me(plus I'm still trying to socially distance bcs I do NOT need covid on top of this and barely anyone I know IRL masks).

And like I don't have any pain meds that help. I have a migraine rescue medication but I can only take it four times in thirty days and I have already taken it like seven times out of desperation, and it only gives me a day of relief, that's it. Ibuprofen helps, but only a little and only if I take like 600mgs and I can't do that every day or I'll get sick and the migraine pain already makes me so nauseous I can't eat sometimes so like, I don't want an ulcer on top of that. And there's no point in going to the ER because even the hardest migraine cocktail (toradol, steroids, benadryl, zofran, and morphine) at most gives me 2 days of peace before the pain is back. Even a steroid taper pack, which usually will break me out of any migraine cycle only took care of it for a week and I am SUPER sensitive to steroids, they make me feel like complete shit, so it's just not worth it to take one.

I could ask to see my neurologist but she sucks and just told me to take ibuprofen the last time I brought this up, and legit suggested I simply see a different doctor about the condition causing the migraines so really what's the point. She won't help me.

I could go to the ER and like beg to see a neurologist if there's one on staff who is willing to talk to me, but that's not really How The ER Works and they've already done CT scans of my neck to see if anything is being pinched and nothing is, and if they give me meds it will only help for a few days at most. Plus I kinda hate it there so like, I don't really want to go anyway. And urgent care straight up will not be able to help me.

And I don't even want to try to explain all that to any of my friends because it's such a major bummer and they can't do anything to help, but I also don't know how many times I can say "sorry I have a migraine that isn't going away and I just can't do most things" because like, it's the truth but like it doesn't feel like a good enough excuse? Idk.

I miss doing things. I'm in so much fucking pain all the time. My fiance's birthday is this month and idk if we're even going to be able to DO anything because of how fucked up I am and that makes me feel horrible.

I just want all of this to stop. But it isn't going to, at least not yet. So I just have to make peace with not being able to do anything for the next like three weeks.

I'm so tired.

[bunnyseahorse-blog]

the hardest thing about having mental and physical health problems at once is trying to balance yourself and your energy.

like for example my autoimmune stuff makes me super tired. My physical therapy makes me tired. Days I have both I’m so tired I almost can’t do anything. I usually manage a little light housework, and make it to my appointments. I cook super easy dinners. I can’t make it through the day without a nap, and yes my doctor and I are working on this. She’s great too, and my levels are better, just seems to take time.

then 7 pm rolls in and I am Manic. Cue mood disorder! I am now more or less wrapping up for the day and all the energy I couldn’t find all the while is now making me hyper, wide awake and moody.

I push myself all day to get stuff done with little energy, and then train my body to sleep and recoupwhen my mental illness wakes me wide up.

I am often tempted to do more at night when I have energy but ultimately before the illnesses got worse I was more of a morning person, and I’d like to get back to it so I’m trying to fix my sleep.

people never tell you that for all the docs, meds and resources out there, how very hard it can become to care for one’s own health

[himbotiem]

Alright, I guess I’m just never allowed to leave the sk8 fandom 💀 my roommate and I just binged the whole thing bc they never saw it and we’ve been meaning to watch it, so have some general headcanons I scrounged up, I tried to look at the old shadow server but didn’t get much inspiration, does anyone else remember that place???

SHADOWMATCHABLOSSOM HCS PART 2: THE SEQUEL WE DIDNT NEED

Here is part 1! If anyone wanted to look at my 2 year old headcanons 💀

Alright, we all know Hiromi’s a lightweight

As shown by him literally clinging to Joe

Joe and Cherry love him but oh my god does he need to figure out how to hold his alcohol 💀

Joe can handle it, he’s a bigger dude who has a drink from time to time, and Cherry is used to drinking but bougie.

Shadow doesn’t normally drink, so when he does he just. Shitfaced, as soon as he sees a glass. Doesn’t even have to have anything in it.

So who has to carry him home and tuck him in bed and give him a little kiss after a rare night out? His oh so kind, sweet, caring boyfriends 🙄

They’ll also leave water and meds by the bedside for his hangover in the morning, because they’re (cherry is at least) thoughtful like that

But this doesn’t happen often, they don’t go out that much! When they’re not at work, they’re at S, and when they’re not at either they’re SLEEPING. They all work so hard and for what 😭 working to live or living to work besties???

But that just makes it more special when they do get to go out

Whether it’s a date night or just a trip to a bar, they’re always going to have fun

They tried to implement a date planning system, like Hiromi plans one, then Joe the next, then cherry the next

But that fell through, they more so just do movie nights and order takeout when they have the energy to chill out together

I feel like they’re all some degree of workaholic?? Like they will just go and go and go and they won’t stop working

Like cherry? There’s no way he’s not super self disciplined, and Joe owns his restaurant, it’s not like he can just skip work all the time. Hiromi loves his job and even though he failed trying to get with his manager, he still respects her and is technically her friend, so he likes to do his job well.

So because of their work and S, they don’t get much time to veg imo

Most often one will go in the group chat and ask “hey, do you guys want to watch a movie tonight?” And then they will order food, because as good as joes cooking is and how much he loves making food, a lot of the time when he gets home he doesn’t want to make more food than he already has that day.

Instead of planning date nights now, they will pick movies :)

I really don’t know where this is going but I’m tired now so goodbye!!! See you whenever I get sk8 inspo again!!

[archaicbones]

My whole life i was 80 lbs and under. I was so sick. Tired and miserable all the time, horrible gut issues that really ruined my days. I would get tired from walking up stairs. Was cold all the time. I HATED how i looked, i looked sick and frail. I desperately wanted to look different. I desperately wanted to gain some weight so i could be more than just a shell of a human, problem was, i didnt ever feel hunger. My whole life i didnt know what hunger really felt like. I would eat a few bites of food and then feel sick and full. My body would tell me i was done.

4 years ago, after being diagnosed with adhd, trying adhd meds, and having a horrible period of rapid cycling, i was diagnosed as bipolar. It had been coming for awhile, i started showing symptoms of it around 16 but it took awhile for my therapist to actually diagnose me so at 19, they started trying to treat it. My particular type cycles between mania and depression every few weeks. And comes with delusions, hallucinations, and extreme paranoia. After a few medication attempts that didnt work, i started a new medication. Olanzapine. They listed a few side effects and they made me very excited. One was tiredness, easy, i take it at night and actually have restful sleep for once in my life. Worked like a charm.

The other was hunger and weight gain. This one intrigued me. I liked the taste of food for sure, but i didnt know what hunger really felt like. I wanted it. I started the medication.

First few days i noticed a drastic change in my personality. I was, normal? Besides the ADHD ofc. I was completely different, and yet the same, like all my highs and lows evened out, and for the first time i felt like i could honestly be myself without hurting me or others.

And then came the hunger. It was glorious. I discovered that food is one of my greatest loves. I adore cooking. I adore flavor. I love actually wanting to eat. I started gaining weight.

It really started last year. I looked down at myself and realized i had changed, and i looked in the mirror and found the edges of my face had softened. I looked closer to my real self, the one i had been searching for, than i ever had before. I never weighed myself, just watched in rapture as my body changed. It is, and was, beautiful. I discovered i have a pear shaped body type. I never knew that about myself. I found that i have a soft, round face, with full cheeks and a bright smile. The dark, hollow bags under my eyes were gone. I had energy, and motivation, and i felt alive, and more like a real person. I wanted more. And i got it. And i loved it.

I wont share my current weight because its not relevent. I just went to the doctor recently and they checked, and i was surprised. But in a good way. ALL the female people in my family on both sides are fat or were when i was growing up, and i was the odd one out. I always found them beautiful and wished i was more like them. I am not yet, but i know i will be. I look forward to it. Fat bodies have always been visually appealing to me. Thats Mom, thats Grandma, thats what Home is like.

I am a million times happier now with my appearance than i ever have been. I am alive. I am healthy. I LOVE FOOD. I discovered an entire part of myself that i didnt even know existed. I love my body and seeing myself change as i get older. I want to discover more of myself. I am in love with myself for the first time in my life and i am never giving that up for anything.

[jodilin65]

Just when I thought it was over, things got bad again. I didn’t get sick but I had the worst acid reflux I’ve ever had in my life last night. My throat didn’t just burn but it hurt like hell! I was delayed getting to sleep because I had to sit propped up on my wedge pillow which is very hard to sleep on. Eventually, I was able to lie down flat and then settle onto my stomach so I could get into a deeper sleep. I was afraid that if I tried to sleep lying down sooner, I would choke.

Sometimes I really wish I would just get something that would kill me! I’m so sick of the never-ending fatigue and health issues!!! I almost feel like I’m being held prisoner in my own home. Yes, I’m a homebody 95% of the time but I would still like to do things at times. Every event I want to attend I happen to have to sleep through. Really wanted to give blood at the clubhouse on the 6th but I’m not going to be up before they’re done if I’m even feeling well enough. It’s okay, though. I don’t have to do this. I don’t have to play Bingo. I don’t have to take walks. I can just accept my so-called “calling” in life and spend half of it in bed. Why not? Most people dream of this, right?

Anyway, I was amazed I wasn’t nauseous on top of all the acid reflux kicking up in my throat last night but my stomach isn’t perfect either.

I’m just so damn drained not just because of the virus itself and the screwy sleep but the lack of nutrition. Even so, I already went back up a pound. I likely never lost fat but weight because my digestive tract emptied out. I tell you, I ain’t kidding when I say you could literally lock me in a room and starve me and I wouldn’t lose a damn pound. I really think some of us are simply the way we’re meant to be.

So I slept a little over 6 hours, began this entry, and then napped for a couple of hours. A little while ago, I was finally able to get up and get down a banana, some apple sauce, and saltines. Tom ran out to Publix and picked up some more chicken soup as well as fruits, veggies, and TV dinners. The only reason I got the processed sodium-laden things was because I don’t have the energy to cook. Hell, I can’t even clean the house.

We’ve gotta drop Walgreens and start getting our meds somewhere else because I am sick and fucking tired of them taking it upon themselves to make my medical decisions for me by refilling prescriptions I didn’t ask them to refill. Tom checked the site again, and we do have the auto-refill off. Yet they refused to honor our request to wait until we tell them to refill meds. I’m not ready for a levo refill for another couple of weeks and the decision as to when I have it refilled should be up to me.

Loving scented things as I do I got some eucalyptus oil going in the diffuser, but it’s not very strong-smelling. Maybe I didn’t put enough in and I’ll add some sandalwood to it. I burned some lavender incense earlier, but I only want to burn one stick a day. If I burn more I get congested.

Some activity going on at the honker’s but what else is new? Next month it’s out of here for a while. He has out-of-town visitors, but he must have picked them up at the airport because they used his truck while he went out on the motorcycle. Why have visitors if you’re not going to do things together? It’s his 60th birthday today, so maybe that’s got something to do with it. I didn’t wish him a happy birthday. He didn’t wish me one for mine in December.

I’m frustrated not only for obvious reasons when one gets sick, but I lost a little money since I haven’t been able to work online as much. Also, I would have finished the challenge and returned to Indiana had I not gotten sick. I did manage to do a few miles yesterday, and it was funny because I was toying with someone else on the road who joined the ride while I was on it. I don’t know if they realized what I was doing or if they cared, but whenever I would pause to change the radio station or skip songs, they would get ahead. But knowing I could go a little faster with my unique setup, I would eventually pass them. Then pause, let them pass, and back and forth. And I’m sure they were wondering how I was managing to pull that off because they weren’t stopping and they were pedaling steadily.

So I’ve gone from drowning to looming jail sentences to being attacked in my dreams. Two or three of the Mexican freeloader’s daughters from Phoenix walked by me eating by myself in a restaurant. Now all grown up, they magically knew who I was even if some were infants in the 90s and others may not have even existed.

They hurled threats and slaps at me and when I went to cover my face with my hands, they started slapping my stomach which was bare as I was wearing a crop top. After a minute of this, they took off and I automatically reached for my phone to call the cops, but then I hesitated. I knew they would not only be long gone, but I didn’t know their names or what the cops could do or that they would even care to do anything, knowing that minorities tend to be believed over non-minorities (the girls looked white, though).

I left the restaurant and resumed my walk home when next thing I knew, I was in Springfield. I recognized the voice of Laurie the cop talking to a couple of people. I only saw her from behind, though. Her butt and back were fat, I noticed, and then I went inside a building to get a drink. I became worried when I heard her voice as she too, entered the building a minute after I did, and I told myself I had to hurry up because if she saw me and recognized me, she certainly could and likely would hurt me.

[cognitiveleague]

Things I’m going to have to talk to my therapist about this week:

Was venting about a work thing to my mom, and she suggested that I should put more effort into looking for a new job

I told her that I want to, but I’m too tired all the time. She responded that she’s worried about my health.

And it’s like.

I’m tired all the time because I work so fucking hard all the time, and even with both of us working full time and no kids or plans to have them, we never make enough to feel safe, much less comfortable, so on top of the constant work it’s the constant terror and guilt of Never Doing Enough and not knowing how we’ll get by

I’m tired all the time because the invisible disability is here all the time, and when I get home from work and commuting and errands I’m too exhausted and too out of focus to clean or cook, so my place is a mess, which is exhausting to look at and exhausting to think about and exhausting to feel constantly inadequate and guilty about but would also take time and energy I don’t have to fix

My health IS having some issues, but the ones I could in theory do anything about (mostly the blood pressure) are directly related to being poor and overworked and disabled and burned out (so I can’t spare the time or money or spoons to buy fresher food / cook more and eat less convenience foods / exercise more regularly) (also it’s pretty possible that the high blood pressure is kinda not nearly as bad as it looks on paper because I’m actively having a panic attack about my blood pressure being high whenever they measure my blood pressure because I’m so scared they’ll say it’s too high and I can’t have the meds that make the disability somewhat workable anymore??????)

And I want things to be better. I want to move forward. I want to take better care of myself.

But how the fuck am I supposed to, when I never have any time or energy or money?

[zipquips]

day one is basically over! i think the adderall is wearing off? i'm getting tired and feeling less energetic

i was so so so not prepared for the amount of energy or motivation i was going to have, holy shit. i was littlerally bouncing, lmao. i felt focused but like a little all over the place in the sense that i had so much motivation and like all of the parts of my life kind of felt like a mess and something i should fix and i couldn't just pick one. i also believed i could do more than one which is why i ended up baking and calling so many people at the same time even though i know so well that i cannot talk on the phone and bake/cook anything more complex than pasta, lmao

that like sort of worked but also didn't and as soon as i started realizing how abnormally long baking was taking me i started to kind of panic on my own and this was also the point where some people i called were sort of telling me that they were concerned or against the adderall decision which sort of snowballed into me kind of worrying that the adderall wasn't helping, was making things worse, or that i didn't actually have adhd and i was just a normal person getting high

absolutely none of that was true though because as soon as i stopped speed running all of the socialization i had been putting off due to lack of motivation and once i sat myself down on one task i was fine. like that was the easiest bit of productivity i've ever done. my head has never been so quiet before, lmao

so like ig the lessons i've learned for day two are:

multitasking is a no

some kind of structure or plan for what to do during the day would be good

this is all a very normal experience when first taking adderall

i am adjusting to the meds

i should maybe exercise when i start feeling incredibly energetic rather than choosing not to

okay it's day one on adderall :)

[viktuurionice]

Venting /// sorry gkdkksksk

I told my sunt that on week's where I'm working 39 hours a week, that I don't want to do dishes. I only have to do them 2 nights in a week, which isn't a lot but considering I'm exhausted and working so I can get my own place and get out of everyone's hair I don't think it's too much to not want to do dishes.

But after taking a 3 hour nap I got a lecture about how the teenagers are out of the house for 12 hours a day for school and extra curriculars (also mentioning they like and enjoy their extra curriculars. They've chosen this) and they still get their chores and stuff done. Which... Is a fair point. But they're not disabled. Neither of them are disabled. They're both fully functioning and have been doing this for years. Again, they're not fucking DISABLED. And ARE CHOOSING THINGS THEY ENJOY.

I'm disabled and this is the first time I've managed anything other than part time in VERY short increments in about 10 years. My fucking disability no one believes in is disabling and I'm not spending an hour on dishes while I've been on my feet all day.

Also wanna point out this is conveniently ignoring her son that's in his mid 20s and has never worked a job in his fucking life, who went to bed 30 minutes after I got up this morning.

I'm not spending 12 hours a day doing shit for other people. Make the NEET do it. I'm not even spending an extra hour after a full shift doing it, make the fucking NEET do it.

"what exchange are you going to give?"

Idfk me being rested enough to not be a raging cunt? Me moving into my own place as soon as I'm able? Dude I'm in PAIN. And you bitch when I take ibuprofen like it's a hard drug. I'm too tired to even remember the non over the counter pain meds. But that's sure what my family acts like ibuprofen is. Well, if I'd been able to go to a fucking urgent care for my wrist they probably would have told me to take fucking ibuprofen. Jfjskskdkdkks

Don't complain about me acting drugged, I just flipped my sleep schedule on its head and I haven't slept through the night without a sleep aid for as long as I can remember, and I don't like taking sleep aids because they make me drowsy. Lower your fucking expectations. Of course I'm fucking tired.

I'm allowed to read or draw for a bit if I have the energy, not spend an hour on dishes. I will, not be doing that. Especially after standing and moving boxes and stocking shelves and otherwise moving around for over 8 hours.

If I'm not able to do something to keep my head on straight soon I will simply kill myself and let that be your problem. I was going to do that a few months ago anyway, I am not attached to survival. If you make it unpleasant I will simply peace out. I'm done. I've been done. "Well that's life." Cool!!! I don't fucking want it. I don't care. "Cook all your meals! It saves money! All your doing is paying for other people's labor! Everyone still does their chores! Dogs are loud, so are kids!" I DO NOT CARE. I can buy ready made meals to save time! I value my time more than cheap food! I value my time more than organic food. I was able to do all my own chores before, it's called a fucking dishwasher and not having to hand wash everything before putting the dishes in. Your dog barks a lot because you treat her like a human toddler when she's a dog. You haven't trained her NOT to bark. In fact you've trained her to bark in order to get whatever she fucking wants. So SHE BARKS ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Every human child I've been around since becoming an adult is quieter than your fucking dog. "Dogs bark" yeah, no shit. I'm pretty sure I've had more dogs than you. I at least know how to train them better, but I'll never own one again.

Like lower the fucking bar for fucks sake.

[princessofprocrastination]

Neglected (Dream)

MASTERLIST 

summary : it had became a habit that you’d show up at his house, but as time goes by, your efforts go to waste (angst) (fluff)

it didn’t matter if you were pretty busy or exhausted that day, you’d still show up at your boyfriend’s house no matter what. 

it used to be a ‘sometimes, only if you weren’t busy’ thing, just coming to make sure he has eaten, checking on sapnap as well and hanging out with them. but as the clock ticks, and your relationship prolonged, you seemed to always be at his house. 

sapnap never thought you were a bother. yeah, you asked. you didn’t want any of the two to feel uncomfortable at the fact that you were there often. but, sapnap reassured you that the both of them loved you being there. 

and also because you cooked for them all the time. 

being done with school for a while, you started working and starting your career, making you extremely busy, just like the two boys. sometimes, you don’t even show up until late. 

not that they were sleeping anyways. those two seemed to stay up late all the time. 

you enjoyed making food for them, trying new recipes, sending their plate of food to their rooms as they stream or are in a discord call with their friends. it made you happy seeing their eyes light up from seeing a hot and steaming plate of food delivered to them.

especially if it was homecooked. yum. 

but, as months go by, you start to notice a barrier between you and your boyfriend. now, you weren’t going to lie and say the both of you had been together for a long time, being long time partners, but you thought the honeymoon phase was going to last a little while longer. 

of course, you tried asking sapnap about it, texting him from time to time, making sure he didn’t get upset over a game or an argument online. 

nevertheless, sapnap himself didn’t know what was going on with his bestfriend. he thought dream was just doing fine, not knowing you felt that way. 

you told him not to worry about it, let alone talk to dream about it. you didn’t want it to be a big deal.

it wasn’t a big deal anyways, you just noticed the change of atmosphere. 

you still came over everyday, though. making food, making sure to make extra for leftovers just in case they woke up and got hungry and you weren’t there to make food. 

though it had become a routine at this point, the only person who seemed to appreciate it was sapnap. your boyfriend, however, seemed cold. 

“hey, i have food” you walked in the room after knocking at your boyfriend’s door. you had sent the other plate to sapnap’s just minutes ago. 

he barely gave you a glance, just only clicking the mute button after hearing you come in. that was how you knew he heard you. 

you set down the plate on his desk, where you had always made sure to clear out for him to eat while on his pc. you set down a cup right next to the plate with his drink, full. 

after which, you sat down on his bed, like you usually would to do some catching up on your laptop. usually it would be work since that was the only time you had during the day to finish it.

a couple hours later you finished you work and decided it was time to watch a couple youtube videos to reward yourself after a long day. 

you made sure you had on your airpods before watching anything so that it didn’t disrupt dream working. 

as you were watching the new mrbeast video, the one where he runs from a  bounty hunter, you start to catch a cold. 

not thinking of it, a small sneeze came out of you. and then another one came right after that. 

it was the type of sneeze that irritated the back of your throat, which usually meant that there was more sneezes to come and you were sure that you were falling ill. 

your eyes closed, as you tried to recover from your sneezes. you heard clicking from your boyfriend’s side. as you opened your eyes, you weren’t expecting him to be staring at you. 

thinking he was going to say ‘bless you’, you gave him a small smile. that was until he shouted at you. 

“can you shut up, karl’s entire stream literally heard you.” he raised his voice at you. you froze. 

sure, you’ve heard him scream from time to time, being mad or frustrated on his game but never to you. he had always seemed so kind and sweet to you. 

“fuck, i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to.” you apologised. you genuinely didn’t mean for anyone to hear you, not especially if it was obvious to people that someone was accompanying dream in his room.

“just get out before you make another noise.” he reprimanded you. 

you stared at his figure as he went back to his game before picking up your laptop and leaving the room. 

you sat on the couch in his living room, trying to process what had just happened in that room. 

you calmed yourself before you started crying. you were expecting the day to end well, with you cuddling your boyfriend at the end of the night. 

things don’t usually go your way, do they? 

you were thinking of leaving. it was getting late, anyway. but you hadn’t cooked the next meal for the boys. 

so you did just that. you cooked a simple meal, putting it on the counter, leaving a note to tell them to put the plate into the microwave before eating. 

and off you go, back to your house. 

you weren’t offended, you’d say. you were sure he was mad at a game before getting off on you. you didn’t take any of his screaming to heart. 

what sucked at that moment was that you got a fever on top of your cold and no one to cuddle you. 

you didn’t get sick often, but when you did, you always had dream there for you. 

what you did have this time was sapnap texting you, thanking you for the food that you left on the table. 

the next day came and lucky you, it had been a weekend, and you planned to stay home all day, trying to fight off this stupid cold. 

you got on your phone to order food for the boys, trying to make sure they had food today. though it’s only the afternoon and they’ve probably just woken up, you wanted them to wake up to food waiting. 

after you ordered some mcdonalds for them, making sure to text sapnap about it. shockingly enough, he was awake and already showered. he thanked you for the food but questioned when you were going to come, noticing that there was only two meals. 

sick, can’t get out of bed. you texted him. 

what have you done today? he asked.

showered, and then back to bed. you told him truthfully.

eat and then take your meds. he advised you. you told him you’d do it later when you have the energy to. he didn’t try to go against you knowing how damn stubborn you are. 

also, he knew that you needed the extra rest and getting up while you’re still tired may result you to get into an accident or faint. 

so, he trusted you to remember to eat your medicine later. 

dream honestly didn’t bother asking why you were missing from his house that day. sure, he did notice, since the one who always giving him food while working had been you, and you didn’t do that. 

at some point during the day, dream became exhausted, or hungry, but was frustrated that he had no longer you to rely on for energy that day. 

that day wasn’t the only day you were absent from his house, it dragged out to days. 

the weird thing was, he didn’t get a single text from you all week, and that made his question if you were okay or not. 

“dude, get out of your cave and let’s watch a movie.” sapnap came in dream’s room in attempt to get him to accompany him in watching a movie with him in the living room. 

after some time, dream gave in and turned off his pc, finally getting up to stretch and leave his room. 

“there’s food for you on the table.” sapnap told dream. it must’ve been you who ordered it. but to be honest, he was missing the home cooked meals you always made for him. 

so he asked sapnap where you had been all week. 

“you’re not serious, are you?” sapnap asked dream. dream gave him a confused look back. 

“it took you this long to ask?” sapnap ranted about you being sick all week and not allowing him to visit in case you accidentally gave him the illness. 

he ranted about the fact dream didn’t bother to ask until now, when he selfishly said he missed your cooking, like you weren’t good for anything else but to feed him like a parent would. 

sure, sapnap and him had been friends for years, but that didn’t excuse him for being an idiot and making stupid decisions, especially about you. and for what? your sneezed being too distracting for the man. 

“fuck.” dream said. 

“yeah, fuck.” sapnap spat out, out of breath from ranting and not stopping to pull a breath. 

dream and him sat in silence, the weird kind of silence. the one where it’s obvious they were thinking of what to do next. 

sapnap sighed. “dude, seriously? go.” he told dream to go to your house to take care of you. 

dream ran to his room, grabbing his keys, wallet and phone and went straight to his car to drive to your place. 

on the way, he grabbed some of your favourite comfort food and flowers. he needed to make it up to you. 

he seriously got mad at you for sneezing? what a fucker. 

he opened your door with the spare key you gave him, making sure  he was quiet so he didn’t disrupt you if you were sleeping on the couch like you tend to do. 

he say the top of your head poking out slightly from the side of the couch. you were laying down on it, snuggled in one of your favourite blankets, watching tv.

“hey.” he slowly said, walking slowly to you, not really wanting to do anything abruptly in case you were mad. 

he saw your head move to tilt towards the voice. obviously you knew who was in your living room at the moment, you just weren’t expecting him to bring stuff. 

you sat up on the couch, bringing the blanket with you, making sure you were fully covered, not in the mood for the cold air to hit your feet. 

“i come bearing gifts.” dream said. 

“i see that.” you told him. why was he stating the obvious? 

“look, i know this doesn’t make up for basically neglecting yo- no, not basically, totally neglecting you, but i thought this was a good way to start?” dream. 

you sat and stared at him for a while, thinking about what to do. 

who were you kidding, you were soft for him. he could literally break your bones and you’d forgive him, especially when he came with flowers. 

“you know flowers are my weak spot.” you pouted at him, after a while of silence. 

dream sighs in relief. “and that’s exactly why i bought them.” he said before bring you in for a hug. 

you pushed him away, telling him that you still had a fever and you didn’t want it to go to him. 

“if i do get it, then you’ll have to take care of me next time. for now, i’m taking care of you.” he told you, giving you a kiss on the forehead. 

“tell me what you want, i’ll do anything for you.” he told you. you smiled at him before hugging him close to you, pulling him into a comfortable position to continue watching the show you had on your tv.