#tiktok matching

[spookberry]

Bad Cujo! Do not eat a mud!!

[lrndvs]

You're either frolicking in this field with me or you're frolicking in this field against me

[mossy-aro]

I need all of you to look at the new Marcus Pork merch drop right NOW

[tvheit]

you know, i'm such a fool for you.

(print available here)

[benetnvsch]

u know that trend where ppl were finding rocks/flowers/beads that match their partner's eyes and keeping em? Yeah :)

[avuck]

I need a human's touch, but You don't need me I need a human's touch, but I'm obsolete

Inspired by @xx-akubara-xx's Stellar Remnants AU! This song made my think of them and if they recruited Ford to build a portal so they can find Bill in another universe 💔🌟

[morganski-19]

The One with the Gossip

The group is hanging out at the café, all in different conversations when Jonathan comes into the bar and flops down on the couch. Camera bag sliding off his shoulders.

“When does this place start serving alcohol?” he groans.

“In about thirty minutes,” Nancy starts, “are you ok?”

Argyle trades places with Robin, sitting next Jonathan. “That bad?”

Jonathan nods, widening his eyes. “Messiest wedding I have worked months. There were so many things and they just piled on top of each other. The amount of bridesmaids and groomsmen that had previously slept together and didn’t know about it was insane.”

Steve and Eddie turn their heads at the same time. “What now,” Eddie says intrigued.

“I love messy shit I’m not apart of,” Steve mutters under his breath.

“It was crazy,” Jonathan sits up, turning toward Steve and Eddie at the side table. “And it all started for the most stupid reason. The guys apparently had a bet when to see how many of the bridesmaids they could sleep with. And the girls didn’t know about it, and a few of them fell with their ‘charms’ and were none the wiser. Until, one of the groomsmen said who won in their speech.”

“Holy shit,” Robin says with a sip of her tea.

Eddie winces. “That is such a dick move.”

“How likely was it that they were part of those fraternities that just liked to terrorize people,” Steve asks. Having almost accidently joined one of these fraternities when he was in college.

Jonathan nods with disgust. “That only scratches the surface. The best man had won, having slept with six out of the seven bridesmaids, and he was engaged to the maid of honor.”

Everyone winces with disgust.

“Not cool, dude,” Argyle says with disappointment. “So not cool. How can people do this to other people. And think that they can get away with it.”

“Because they’re inconsiderate assholes,” Steve says at the same the same time Eddie says “They’re disgusting bags of shit.” They high five each other.

Jonathan lets out a long breath. “And I’m not done yet. It gets worse.”

“Oh my god, how,” Nancy questions.

Argyle stands. “I’ll be right back, continue without me.” He walks over to the bar and starts to talk to the barista.

“He got bonus points for sleeping with the bride. And the second-place winner, was the groom.”

“Holy shit,” everyone says in unison.

Jonathan nods with wide eyes. “And the groom got a bonus point for sleeping with his future mother in law.”

They were too stunned to speak, just letting the silence fill that moment. Argyle returns with a cup of something and places it in Jonathan’s hands.

“What did I miss?” he asks, looking at them all super confused. “Are you guys broken?”

Steve shakes his head, trying to wrap his head around what was just said. “I don’t think I’ve heard that one before.”

“And this is coming from someone who has actually slept with one of his frat bro’s moms,” Robin interjects.

“On accident. And she was his stepmom, that was much younger than his dad, well after I was in college. He doesn’t know, it’s fine.”

“Did that cause another sex ban?” Eddie asks.

Steve laughs. “No, that’s when the figured out that the previous sex ban wasn’t working.”

Jonathan takes a sip of the drink Argyle gave him. “Jesus, that’s strong. Did you bribe them or something?”

“Something like that. Seriously though, what did I miss?”

“Groom slept with the future mother-in-law,” Robin fills in, Argyle winces. “What is with people?”

Jonathan shrugs. “Don’t know. But it was a big wedding that they are not getting a refund for. And I still got cake, well what was left of it.”

Eddie leans forward. “What was left of it?”

“Yeah,” Jonathan nods. “Speeches were right before cake, so the bride took the entire top layer and slammed it over the groom’s head. Followed by the maid of honor taking two giant handfuls and shoving it into the best man’s face. Arguments broke out and all that shit. I stayed back to help clean up.”

“Had they signed the marriage certificate yet?” Nancy asks.

Jonathan sighs. “No clue, don’t care. It’s over and I got paid. A lot. This was not a cheap wedding. Oh right,” Jonathan reaches down into his bag and grabs a takeout container, handing it to Argyle. “Saved you a piece of cake.”

Argyle takes it, opening it and starting to eat it. Nodding his head in appreciation.

The rest of the group looks at Jonathan. “Where’s our cake?” Robin asks, a little hurt.

“You don’t live with me, you don’t get cake.”

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added or taken off) @slowandsteddie, @annieofhearts, @cacdyke, @ubpd, @captain--low, @thespaceantwhowrites, @goodolefashionedloverboi, @anne-bennett-cosplayer, @lunaticparisianlady, @apomaro-mellow, @dolphincliffs, @dragonmama76, @maggiebug417, @stevesbipanic, @fearieshadow, @mentallyundone, @eightpackdiaz, @au79burger @bookworm0690 , @practicallybegging, @potato-of-the-lord, @autumncrocusandladybug

[morganbritton132]

Eddie is filming a reminder to his fans about Corroded Coffin’s limited edition merch but gets interrupted when Steve storms into their bedroom and starts digging through the closet.

Eddie, mid-promo: What are you doing?

Steve, pulling the nail bat out of the closet: I’m going to kill our neighbor

Eddie: Diane?!

Steve: Wha- No, Dan.

Eddie: Oh… why?

Steve: I know that fucker popped Ozzy’s swimming pool

Eddie: Steve-

Steve: No, that asshole has complained every time I’ve blown that pool up for Oz. I go inside for ten minutes and suddenly it has a hole in it? It’s the middle of fucking summer, Eddie, and a hundred degrees outside. If I want my dog to be able to cool down in some water while I do yard work then he should be able to!

Steve: I know he popped it so I’m going to *twirls bat* pop his head off his goddamn shoulders

Eddie, reluctantly because Steve’s kinda hot when he’s seething with rage: …why don’t you cool down and let me talk to Dan.

[jupitisms]

I care them

[brattylikestoeat]

Love when cakes don’t have fondant.

[tsunamigongs]

Fourth wing fake tweets !! /Part 2

this was the most entertaining book i've read in a while...it was so fun😭

[confusedmothboy]

guess who watched mob psycho 100

[sherrymagic]

not P'Jojo saying he had to beg Neo and Mark to stop while shooting their first sex scene on Neo's very first day on set 'cause they are competitive little shits and they just kept going after he called for the cut 😭😭😭

[sexymoonmansslut]

gentle loves <3

inspired by p4perangel bc they’re adorable and i couldn’t help myself 🫡

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

is tumblr aware of the tom cruise fish allegations yet or do i have to wait a bit longer to start seeing insane takes about it

[ifindus]

Scotland's going all out for the Euros this year ✨🎉

It's Scotland's fourth year in the European Championship's finals (1992, 1996, and 2020) and there's a banger making rounds