#thus ends another meeting of the silly situations club

[docdufresne]

Donut grts a headache or grif gets a hangover or something and doc is like "i brought you a tea thatll fix you right up!" And Donut's like "aw :)) thank you!! :) " and the moment doc turns his back to leave he dumps it in the potted plant and Grif is like ?????? Dude????? And donut just goes "dont fucking drink that, he means well he DOES but please don't"

Simmons would be like oh ow my back hurts or smth bc hes got shit posture and scoliosis and Doc is like oh i can pop your back and make it feel better i studied chiropratic in college and then suddelnt simmons is in bed for a whole week unable tonturn hisnhead all the way left without wanting to puke

[casual-crispy]

Be My Guide

My first proper six fic! Finally had the time gave up on revising to finish this! The idea is I wanted modern Kat to be happy and have friends so she joins a girl guide group! (Like girl scouts but British) Any feedback is welcome! Also I have more headcanons and ideas so if people want to know more or see this become a series, let me know!

The realisation hit Katherine when she was on her phone one day. She was looking at all the posts she was tagged in of friends seeing the show together. It filled her with joy that people loved it so much, loved her so much but there was something else not quite right. It was when she saw a selfie of two girls, around her age, looking like they were having the time of their lives that it clicked. Katherine was lonely.

Sure, she had the queens who loved her and she loved them. If she needed something, they would be happy to help. But they weren’t the same as having friends her age. Friends she could go shopping with or chat and gossip with or just hang out. Sure, she does all those things with the queens but Kat knows they all see her as a child. It’s lovely, and Kat knows she needs it half the time, but they’ve been doing the show for a while so surely, she’s made some progress by now. And it’s not like the other queens don’t have other friends. Catherine has got to know people at her church, the Annes always seem to know someone when they go out in the evenings, heck, Kat’s pretty sure Cathy has at least 3 pen pals. It makes sense she’d want to talk to other people too.

She decides to approach Jane about it.

“Mum, I’ve been thinking… I think I want to make friends like my own age? People to hang out and chat with and stuff. Not that I can’t do that with you and the other queens! I love the time we spend together” Kat rushes to add. “I really appreciate all you’ve done for me and I don’t know what I’d have done without you but… I just… wanna talk to someone my own age? The other queens have all made friends and stuff. I just… don’t know how.” Kat trails off, feeling silly about bringing it up.

Jane is quick to respond, sensing that Kat is unsure. “Kat, I think that’s a wonderful idea. It makes sense that you’d want to make new friends, we aren’t exactly your age even if we try to be ‘down with the kids.’” Jane nudges Kat who rolls her eyes in response. “I love you, sweetheart. If you want to find something to do, meet new people then go for it. Perhaps you can join a club, start a new hobby? I’ll try and find something, if you want?”

“Thanks mum, that’d be great.” Kat gives a smile of relief and heads back to her room. Jane is pleasantly surprised by Kat’s suggestion. She’s changed so much from the quiet girl who suffered alone; it fills Jane with pride.

Unfortunately, there weren’t any obvious answers. It wasn’t like Kat went to school and could meet people there or join any clubs, and she didn’t have much knowledge of modern hobbies for girls Kat’s age. She decided to do some research later and hopefully something will come up. Luckily, Catherine had a suggestion when she heard what Jane was doing.

“A club for Kat… I might be able to help with that actually. There’s this group who meet once a week at my church, I think they’re called guides or possibly rangers? They have a bunch of crafts and photos of trips on a display in the hall. Do you think that might work?” Catherine offered. “If it helps… I think it’s a girls only club, if you catch my drift?”

“I see. Well it’s certainly worth a shot, thanks Catherine. Guides, right? I’ll look into it.” Jane smiled and spent the next few minutes looking into what guides were exactly and found Girlguiding, a community built around giving girls opportunities and adventures. It sounded perfect, except that guides were 10-14. A bit more searching revealed that girls 14-18 could be a ranger but that still wouldn’t work for Kat. The section on young leaders sounded more promising, though. It wouldn’t be quite the same, but maybe it was more appropriate. Kat could be a young leader for a guide group, giving her the chance to socialise with other leaders around her age, while also giving her some responsibility. She didn’t say it specifically but Jane felt Kat was trying to be more independent. This seemed perfect, and if Kat was nervous about going alone, Jane could always volunteer as a regular leader too. Just in case, if Kat let her. Deciding it was a good option, Jane suggested it to Kat.

“What do you think? If it’s not right I’ll look for something else. You can stop at any time and…” Jane paused, not sure if she should continue. “If you don’t want to be alone, I could volunteer too but only if you want me to!” Jane watches Kat, trying to gauge her reaction.

“I like that idea. It sounds like it could be fun. If… if you were there, it wouldn’t be a big deal, right? They wouldn’t mind, would they?”

“Not at all, Kat. I’ll ask the leader when we can start, yeah?”

And so, Jane emails the guide leader asking if they could join. The leader, Joan, is all too happy to have more help, having recently lost a leader. She mentions a couple other young leaders who were sure to welcome Kat. She invited them to come early next Thursday so they can meet the others and give it a go for the evening.

Kat feels great about the evening right up until she’s getting ready to leave and starts stressing over what she’s wearing. What if the other girls think she looks silly? What if they make fun of her for bringing her mum? She tries to hide it but Jane notices as they drive to the church (Catherine gave them directions as Jane doesn’t trust those SatNav things).

“You alright, love? Nervous?” She puts a gentle hand on Kat’s leg. “I’m sure everyone will be lovely but if you don’t like today, we don’t have to come back. I’ll be there the whole time if you need me.”

“But what if… never mind.” Kat turns, staring out the passenger window.

“What if what, love? You can tell me.”

Kat answers in a quiet voice. “What if they think I’m dumb for bringing my mum with me?”

“They’re not going to think that. If it will make you feel better, I’ll leave you to do your thing tonight, yeah? I’ll keep my distance, just there if you need me, just in case. I don’t have to come back next week if you’re happy on your own. But let’s give it a try together this week, yeah?”

“Ok. Thanks mum.” Katherine gives a little smile as they pull into the car park.

Jane unbuckles her seatbelt and leans over, giving Kat a hug and a kiss on her forehead. “Let’s go make some friends.”

As they make their way inside, Kat resisting the urge to hold Jane’s hand, they meet Joan. She smiles brightly as she shakes each of their hands, thanking them for their help. Joan then introduces them to Maggie, another young leader, before giving a brief explanation of the plan for the evening. The girls are in groups doing their Go For Its so each group has their own plan and should bring their own supplies, leaving the leaders to just move back and forth, helping out where they’re needed and checking in to make sure they’re all making progress. Joan also mentions a guide, Lily, who is special needs and thus they should avoid making physical contact or crowding her unless she initiates. Finished with the briefing, Maggie suggests she and Kat collect the supplies so she knows where they are.

“So, what’s your deal? Sorry, that sounded rude. I mean… you don’t have to tell me anything. I just meant like… let me start again.” Maggie took a deep breath and put on a bright smile, “Hey, I’m Maggie and I’m 20. I volunteer here as a break from studying at uni. How about you?”

Kat gave a small chuckle at Maggie’s attempts. It made her feel a bit better about being so nervous. “I’m Kat, 19, and I spend most of my time performing in a west-end show.” She left out the fact that she was a reincarnation of a Tudor queen from 500 years. Probably not the most normal thing to tell people. “I’m here because I’m… I wanted to make friends. I don’t go to school so, yeah.” She trailed off.

“Well there are lots of people to make friends with here! Myself included, if you want me that is.”

“Yeah! I’d… I’d like that.”

“Awesome. Well here are the pens and such so let’s take them back before they think we’re hiding. So what’s it like being on the west-end?”

Meanwhile Jane was taking the moment of privacy with Joan to warn her about Kat’s… situation. “She has anxiety but has been making great progress recently. If anything happens, I’ll be able to handle it but I’m trying to give her more space tonight. She’s a bit worried people are going to judge her for me being here and I just want her to relax and make friends.” Joan is very understanding and they settle down over cups of tea, getting to know each other.

Kat and Maggie return with the pens, already getting along great, when guides start turning up. The first few girls all sit in groups chatting before the meeting starts. Eventually the other leaders, Maria and Holly, arrive. Maria has brought three guides with her, one of them being her own daughter. Holly turns up just as the meeting starts and immediately moves to sit with a couple of the guides, chatting quietly and barely looking up from her phone as Joan introduces Kat and Jane. She gives Kat a brief “Hey” before moving with her chosen group to get on with the evening.

The rest of the evening goes well. Kat follows Maggie around to begin with until she reaches a group that are trying to come up with interpretive dance. She watches what they have so far and starts offering ideas to extend it. Without realising it, she spends the rest of the evening helping and getting to know the girls and even being incorporated in the dance herself. When Joan called everyone together, Kat was disappointed but looked forward to next week when the group was going to write some short songs about things they liked.

Once they had packed up the few supplies, tidied their mess, sang the closing song (Jane made note to find the lyrics later), and sent most of the guides on their way home, Jane and Kat said goodbye and headed on their own way. Holly was staying on for rangers and seemed the most excited she had all evening, though she was currently smiling and frantically typing on her phone. Maggie had headed off a bit earlier to catch the bus back and Maria was waiting with her herd of children until the other guides were gone. In the car back, Kat had a big grin on her face.

“Have fun love?”

“Absolutely. I can’t wait until next week.”

[nowiisnow-blog1]

Are American sneakers a style don't in Paris? The Senior Editor of online magazine Paris Eiffel Tower News tends to the issue from a respective perspective.

I can't check the occasions voyagers who asked me: 'Should I wear sneakers in Paris?' and different varieties of a similar inquiry. American sightseers particularly are worried about 'not fitting in' with wrong shoes.

That demeanor is astounding in fact. Dressing so as not to stun the affectability of local people: what amount increasingly kind would you be able to get? I can just offer praise to every one of you who at any point posed the inquiry or considered it!

Paris, French style, sneakers

Paris-bound travelers are regularly of the feeling that French ladies are stalwart design exploited people. This case is unquestionably overstated, however access to jazzy apparel is vigorously encouraged in Paris where ladies magazines, for example, 'Elle' and 'Figaro Madame' direct what's in vogue and so forth.

As I would like to think, perpetual tastes look particularly similar in Paris and New York City. Globalization will in general homogenize style, making work-a-day wear comparable in huge urban areas.

Regardless, the sneaker concern stays legitimate. Sneakers are currently such a ware in the US, how is it in Paris?

The for the most part acknowledged business clothing standard in France for the most part bans sneakers from entering the professional workplace, with the exception of low-level positions. In this way the Parisian lady wears gorgeous city shoes to go to work, except if the business which utilizes her develops an energetic picture wherein sneakers locate a characteristic home.

However sneakers have become plan symbols in their own right. Adidas, Puma and Nike each have their own Parisian stores, and wrench out more models a persuading design unfortunate casualty could undoubtedly shake charge cards at. Adidas as of late cooperated with notable style fashioner Yohji Yamamoto to make Y-3, another line of spruce up sneakers. Stella McCartney likewise has her own Adidas line.

What significant contrast in shoe-mentality would we be able to distinguish among American and French she-buyers? The last will wear sneakers as structure things, not as workaday shoes. Sneakers won't be purchased for comfort, yet will locate a simple route into a tight tote when they praise dress-down jeans and make their proprietor look great. The She-Parisian loves sneakers which make her feet look slight, little, and tasteful.

A minor look at the kinds of sneakers most normally observed on ladies' feet in Paris is advising: you won't perceive any wide, comfortable, comfortable looking, plain vanilla sneakers. You will see little, slim looking, level sole, originator sneakers.

For similar reasons, a couple of Stephane Kelian or Robert Clergerie shoes will quite often be preferred over a couple of attractive Pumas. Shoes are a style articulation, and the more downplayed it is, the better.

That is another significant contrast among French and American ladies. Modest representation of the truth is a cardinal guideline in French style. Anything that is too noticeable is viewed as flashy. This is the reason the little dark dress is such a style symbol, and why Audrey Hepburn will consistently be recognized as The Quintessential Fashionable American Woman.

Voyagers and sneakers

Does this mean you can't wear sneakers when you travel to Paris? Obviously not!

Most importantly, sneakers can be open to strolling shoes. What's more, walk you will, in Paris. The absolute best approach to find the city is to stroll along its lanes. Wearing shoes in which you feel great strolling 10 miles per day at a lackadaisical pace is a significantly significant choice for the general state of mind of your stay in the French capital.

Try not to ease off from wearing sneakers if these are your best strolling shoes. Furthermore, on the off chance that you have far better strolling shoes, pack them, regardless of whether they make you appear as though you are on a trekking trip!

To be perfectly honest, you ought not pose yourself this inquiry. Who thinks about what you look like in the road? Try not to act naturally cognizant, simply be agreeable in your shoes. You are a guest, these are your excursions, this is your own one of a kind time! Pants and sneakers are worldwide. Individuals won't be affronted by your looks. Except if you dress in pink tops and electric blue jeans, with brilliant sneakers and Jackie-O conceals, no one around will have any apprehensions about your clothing.

What's more, on the off chance that they ever notice your pants, LL Bean trekking shoes, and Patagonia coat, well, push come to push, they may believe you're American. Thus what? No doubt they will value your meeting Paris.

Feasting out in sneakers

Does it mean you can wear sneakers all over the place, on any and each event? Not really.

For example, would you be able to eat in an eatery shoed with your fresh out of the plastic new white sneakers?

For it, we should envision you are walking around in your Levi's pants and Lands End boots. It's presently supper time, you are eager, and examining the scene searching for a promising eatery. There is it! The menu showed outside is appealing, costs are inside your usual range of familiarity, the spot isn't so packed... Ok, yet visitors are dressed adroitly. Will they let you in? Will you fit in?

I presently can't seem to see an entryway sign specifying 'No Sneakers Allowed' in Paris. Some high-forehead spots may expertly leave you under control: "Do you have a booking? Apologies, we are full today around evening time". In any case, alongside those uncommon affected spots, no eatery will won't situate you since you wear easygoing sneakers.

Along these lines the correct inquiry isn't 'Will I be permitted in?', yet 'Will I feel good entering a dressy spot in sneakers?' I adventure that you most likely would not. Also, the issue is that acting naturally cognizant is a surefire approach to execute your supper. Your consideration ought to be in your plate and on your nourishment, not on your shoes and attire.

My handy standard is 'Dress as indicated by the lieu'. In the event that you mean to feast out at costly, dressy eateries when you are in Paris, simply bring your Pradas. Even better: visit Stephane Kelian's and Robert Clergerie's boutiques in Paris, and get yourself beautiful looking footwear by these Parisian planners.

Different spots and sneakers

There are different spots where sneakers just won't cut it.

The Opera House is certainly one of them. However, who might be so silly as not to spruce up for drama night? The sneaker point is debatable.

Shouldn't something be said about a men's club? I would state it is greatly improved to spruce up when you eat at a men's club like 'Moulin Rouge', 'Lido', and 'Paradis Latin'. In spite of the fact that lone the stage is sufficiently bright in these spots, the truth of the matter is individuals around you will for the most part be spruced up. You will feel significantly more agreeable in some progressively formal wear.

What about the pontoons on the Seine? On the off chance that you are boarding a vessel for a supper journey, don't wear sneakers. This is a sentimental encounter, you will need to benefit as much as possible from it. A night dress is 'de rigueur'. Then again, in the event that you just need to voyage here and there the stream, sneakers are fine.

Galleries? Disregard style, wear truly agreeable shoes. No one will take a gander at your shoes, workmanship is on the dividers. Be that as it may, strolling down the Louver displays is a tiring encounter: so far and away also observe, such a large number of exhibitions, so moderate the pace. The great specialist's recommendation: go with pad and solace.

Workmanship exhibition 'vernissages'? Style is your signal. Workmanship displays are little, vernissage nighttimes are short. Night dress, dark ideally, not much, and attractive structure shoes. No sneakers.

Wrapping up

Dress for the spot you go to. In the event that you are uncertain about the clothing regulation, you may bring ahead of time to get evaluated of it. Pack a dressy pair of shoes, or get one when you are in Paris. Bring an attentive, downplayed evening dress.

In any case, don't move in an opposite direction from sneakers for other not really formal events. Wear them boldly in the road. You will mix fine and dandy on the off chance that you harbor a couple of pants and a couple of sneakers. Nike is an American brand, and it is famous in France. Levi's, Diesel, and Calvin Klein are American brands, and they rule the French pants scene as well. Indeed, I can't exactly think about any area in France where American culture didn't leave an imprint - aside from possibly food.

[fanficshiddles]

I’m still breathing, Chapter 14

Sophie woke up the following morning with a headache again after the amount of alcohol she drank the previous night. She was still in her clothing from last night too, having just fell into bed and passed out.

When she sat up, she noticed Loki sitting on her bed too. He was on top of the covers and smirked at her.

‘What?’ She groaned and fell down on her back again.

‘You were very drunk last night. Do you remember the end of the night?’ He leaned over and pressed his palm to her forehead, concentrating on taking away the pain for her.

‘Thanks… Not really. I remember dancing with you, then taking more shots that Wanda gave me.’ Sophie rolled onto her side to look at him.

Loki lay down on his side too and reached out to stroke the tips of his fingers down her cheek. ‘So, you don’t remember when we were making our way back here?’ He grinned.

Sophie frowned. ‘No… I didn’t do anything stupid did I? Oh god, what did I do?’ She panicked.

‘No, you didn’t.’ Loki laughed. ‘However, you did fall through a wall.’

Sophie took a second to process what he said. ‘I… What?’ She was mortified. Thinking that she had broken through dry wall or something. ‘I didn’t realise I was that strong? Did I do a lot of damage?’

Loki laughed again. ‘Not like that. You simply phased through it.’

She just looked at him with utter confusion written all over her face.

‘Once you get showered and dressed, I will show you what I mean. I’ve called for a meeting with everyone in the surveillance room.’

Sophie had the quickest shower ever, then threw on some clean clothes and chucked her hair up in a ponytail.

‘Impressive.’ Loki commented as they made their way from her room to the surveillance room.

When there, Loki pulled up the security footage of the corridor from last night. It showed Loki turning around to bid Thor goodnight, with Sophie skipping along happily until she stumbled and fell towards the wall. She put her hands out to save herself but simply went straight through the wall instead.

‘Holy shit!’ Sophie’s hand flew over her mouth as she watched in shock at what she did.

‘I also had my suspicions, remember that night in the library? You were asleep on the floor?’ Loki said, typing in another date and time into the system to get another clip.

‘Yeah…’ Sophie trailed off, not entirely sure where he was going with it.

The rest of the team were just watching on in shock too.

The clip Loki showed next, Sophie was on the sofa in the library. She fell asleep and fell straight through the side of the sofa, onto the floor. She’d been in such a deep sleep which is why she never woke when she hit the floor.

‘I think this is why you ended up under the bed too.’ Loki said, turning off the clip.

‘So… I can go through things? But I don’t even know how I did it?’ Sophie looked at Loki, then the others. Who looked just as baffled as Sophie was.

Clint gave her a gentle pat on the back. ‘Well, that’s what we will work on. Help train you to do it without needing to put any thought into it. We’ll help you get it figured out, kid. Don’t worry.’

‘Thanks guys.’ Sophie smiled.

Later that day, Sophie was in the living room reading up on mutant’s history. Something she hadn’t exactly wanted to know about, but with being one she thought it might be best to learn about her history. But she felt her stomach sinking in fear as she did. The realisation that the new laws to protect mutants were still very new. And what with Fury acting all weird on SHIELDs behalf, she was really worried that they were going to use her like some lab rat.

‘You look worried, poppet. What’s wrong?’ Loki asked upon entering the room.

Sophie held up the book to show him the front cover.

‘Ah. I really wish you hadn’t read that.’ He said, concerned as he motioned for her to scoot over so he could sit next to her.

‘I know. I wish I hadn’t either. But I really wanted to know about my history, you know? I mean, it’s good that it’s come so far and there are laws to protect us now. But it’s still a bit scary not knowing what SHIELD really want with me.’ She leaned her head on Loki’s shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her.

He kissed the top of her head. ‘I know, love. But you know we won’t let anything happen to you. You’re safe with me.’ He assured her.

‘I know. Thank you.’ She put the book down and wrapped her arms around Loki, hugging into him.

God, she was sure she would never tire of being held by him. In his strong arms, feeling so safe and content. How she’d went all her life thus far without affection was beyond her. She found herself craving it from Loki so much. She only hoped she wouldn’t become too clingy.

‘Now what’s wrong?’ Loki asked knowingly as he leaned back slightly and gripped her chin between his fingers.

‘How do you do that?’ Sophie asked.

‘Do what?’

‘You seem to know what I’m thinking.’ She smiled.

‘I can tell by your body language.’ He smirked cockily.

‘Damn. I’ll need to try and hide it better.’ She teased.

‘Come on, what are you thinking now?’

‘I was just starting to worry that I’m becoming too clingy with you.’ She admitted sheepishly. ‘I don’t want to bug you, ever!’

‘You know, I was worried about the same thing this morning.’ Loki laughed, relieved.

‘You were?’ Sophie’s eyes widened in realisation.

‘I tend to get rather… Possessive over people I love. Clingy too. I was worried I was going to scare you away.’ Loki reached up and stroked her cheek with the back of his hand, making her blush.

‘You… Love me?’

Loki faltered slightly, realising he’d let that word slip. Even though it was the truth. ‘Yes, I do.’ It was his turn for his cheeks to turn slightly red.

‘I love you too.’ Sophie whispered, making Loki smile.

Sophie and Loki were both on cloud nine after finally telling one another that they were in love. They made sure to tell each other every single opportunity they could. And most nights they fell asleep together, cuddled on the sofa in the living room or in the library.

Thor was over the moon for his brother. He’d never seen him so happy and in love before. It was clear how much Loki absolutely adored Sophie and vice versa. They were almost inseparable over the coming weeks.

They tried to train with Sophie, not only with her dagger and fighting skills but to try and get her powers under control. But she was struggling to make it happen. It happened, by accident a few times a week. One minute she was leaning against a wall, the next she was disappearing through it. Or she would be asleep in bed and then on the floor when she woke up.

The best one was once when Loki went to kiss her after teasing her about her height, but instead of kissing him she fell right through him. Which was a weird sensation for the both of them.

Pepper, Wanda and Natasha decided one Saturday night that Sophie needed a break from training. So they decided to take her out clubbing in the city. They were going to meet up with Jane, Darcy and Clint’s wife, Laura.

‘Are you sure it’s a good idea?’ Loki frowned while he watched Sophie straightening her hair, it was almost time for her to go with the girls.

‘I will be with one of the world’s most deadly assassins, an incredibly strong witch and some of the best scientists in the world. I’m sure I will be fine.’ Sophie grinned at him in the mirror, he was standing behind her, watching.

‘Oh, I do not doubt your safety in that aspect. But more so that Natasha is a bad influence on you when it comes to alcohol.’ Loki chuckled.

‘I know, but it will be fine.’ Sophie smiled.

Sophie was surprised with how much she enjoyed her night out with the girls. They were at the second club of the night, downing a bunch of shots and dancing around to club music.

They were talking about all the men and the conversation turned to Loki.

‘I still can’t get over how much Loki adores you, Sophie.’ Natasha said, hooking her arm around Sophie’s shoulder.

‘I guess I’m a lucky girl.’ Sophie shrugged, smiling.

Jane then spoke up. ‘Thor told me that he has never seen him so in love before. He’s so happy for you both, as we all are. But Thor really believes that Loki is turning a corner now.’

Sophie didn’t really know what to say to that, apart from blushing.

But Laura came to her defence. ‘Come on girls, we’re embarrassing her! She knows Loki loves her.’

Sophie gave her a smile as a silent way of thanking her. The conversation turned again to the other guys instead. But Sophie couldn’t deny how happy it made her feel inside, knowing that she was making a different to Loki’s life, just like he was for her.

Later on during the night, Sophie ended up with Natasha in the bathroom. They were fixing up their make-up.

‘Can I ask you something?’ Sophie asked Natasha.

‘Of course you can, chick. What’s up?’

‘I… I’m worried that Loki will lose interest in me. I mean, he’s not ever made a move on me yet. But I know that soon he will want sex. But I don’t know if and when I will be able to do that.’

Natasha stopped applying her lipstick and turned her full attention to the younger girl.

‘We weren’t lying when we said that he adores and loves you. Loki doesn’t seem the type to be after just one thing. We are surrounded by a great bunch of guys. I think if Loki was only interested in sex, you’d know about it by now. Why not talk to him about it? Are you nervous because it would be your first time?’

‘Well, not really that. I…’ Sophie sighed and looked down. ‘The one and only time a guy initiated sex with me, was because he was going to rape me.’ She blurted out quickly.

‘Oh, Sophie. I’m so sorry.’ Natasha’s face fell and she put her arm around her again.

‘It’s fine. Really. It was ages ago. But I just… I don’t know.’

‘Does Loki know?’

‘Yeah, I told him about it months ago.’ Sophie nodded.

‘Then I’m sure he already understands. But talk to him about it, see what his views are on the situation.’

‘Yeah, you’re right. I’m just being silly.’

‘Hey, you’re not being silly. You’ve been through a lot, it’s only natural.’ Natasha gave her an encouraging smile.

‘Thanks, Nat.’ Sophie smiled back at her and gave her a hug.

Loki had stayed up in the living room to wait for the girls returning. It was obvious when they had returned, as the noise they were making was enough to wake up the entire base.

He watched in amusement as they all stumbled through to the kitchen, hushing each other and trying to stay quiet but failing miserably. They had takeaway with them and all piled around the table to eat various kebabs, pakora, chips and pizza.

It always amazed Loki how much junk food they could all eat, yet still stay fit and healthy.

He crept up behind Sophie with no one noticing him. Until he put his hands onto her shoulders and whispered in her ear. ‘Welcome back, love.’

Sophie let out a screech in fright, making everyone else jump too.

‘Jesus! You scared me.’ Sophie put her hand over her heart.

‘Not Jesus, even better, God of mischief.’ Loki chuckled and pulled up a seat next to her, stealing some of her kebab meat.

‘How did you know we were back?’ She asked, frowning at him as he then stole some of her chips too.

‘You are all not exactly mice… More like elephants.’ Loki smirked, just as the rest of the team came through to see what all the noise was. All of their faces lit up when they saw the food.

The girls all growled and grumbled when the guys tried to steal their food. But in the end, it became a large feast with everyone around the table tucking in.

Even through her drunken haze, Sophie took in the scene. It was 2am and everyone was laughing and enjoying the food. She’d just had a great night out with the girls, her first time clubbing a great success. And she didn’t have any panic attacks. Now she had Loki’s arm around her waist as they shared food. She couldn’t believe how lucky she had become.

She was home.

[ambitionsource]

AMBITION Season 1 ♫ “Before the Storm” [ 1.11 ]

CREATED BY Esther (rapunzles) & Maggie (quincywillows)

CH-CH-CH-CHANGES – The sophomore stars throw their hat in the ring for the chance to attend a highly regarded performance summer program, but only three students can progress from Adams to the final audition. Lucas has a daunting decision to make.

60 Minutes (15K words) || No warnings apply.

[ ← Birds of a Feather ] [ S1 Synopsis ] [ The World Will Never Be the Same → ]

( Follow along with the music on Spotify here! )

INT. AAA - HALLWAY - DAY

The halls of Adams greet us for the penultimate episode, cutting between shots of the setting we’ve come to know and love. Through windows in the doors, students rehearse in the music and dance studios. The locker hallways are pristine and decorated for the end of term. Graduation memorabilia is all around.

As the scenery shifts, the voice of Principal Hunter lectures on the importance of the school, everything that the institution stands for. Next to bulletin boards where students are welcome to jot down their summer plans to share, a display case in the atrium shows photos and mementos from the past school year. Les Mis is certainly included, as well as the winter showcase.

Jack: Adams exists to give students the chance to pursue a passion. Something important to them, so pivotal to their future endeavors and true happiness that they can’t even fathom doing anything else. It’s a silly notion, to some, but I’ve always admired that piece to it. That chance to give a young mind the power and potential to do whatever it is that they’ve always dreamed about.

Focus eases in on one advertisement on the bulletin board in particular – an informational flyer about the Kossal Summer Program, which has been referenced multiple times since the pilot. In bold lettering, the text “rising juniors only,” seems sharply emphasized.

Jack: More than anything, I try to give our students as much opportunity as possible. Getting here was the first step, and then I want to help them reach higher. Achieve further. Find access to doors and avenues that they may not have even known existed or felt capable of entering. I work hard to create that space. I work hard with all of the faculty and staff here to foster that environment, where any student can come to a safe, inclusive environment and throw their hat in the ring.

INT. AAA - JACK’S OFFICE - DAY

It becomes clear why JACK HUNTER is monologuing. He is in his disciplinary meeting with WYATT LIVINGSTON, following their deduction that he is the one running AAA Confessions.

Jack: Thus, it’s always such a shame when someone deems to take advantage of this space, and twists it into something it shouldn’t be.

Wyatt doesn’t seem all that impressed. Jack questions him on why the hell he would create a page like this, or barring that, be a part of it in the first place. Wyatt claims he didn’t make the Insta, but Jack presses the question again. Not buying it.

Wyatt dispels Jack’s rosy view of the school, claiming it’s no oasis for creativity and collaboration. It’s a cesspool of egomaniacs and cutthroat competition, and he knows it. The whole reason that the AAAC even works at all is because of the collective terrible attitude at the school. It’s a “safe environment” for them to take shots at each other and be as repulsive and reductive as they all actually are.

Jack snaps at this, claiming that’s not entirely true. He references the very targeted attack on a single student just a few days ago with Lucas, which Wyatt clearly orchestrated and was not just the full petty whimsy of the student body. Unable to fully deny this, Wyatt admits his hand in making some of the initial posts, but he didn’t orchestrate anything. If anything, the Lucas White Trash Dump Day is a perfect example of what he’s talking about – he lit a match, and the sophomore class set the whole forest on fire with it.

Wyatt: Besides, it’s not my fault that everyone hates Lucas. He does that to himself.

Jack doesn’t want to hear anymore. He doesn’t think he can face it. He moves onto discussing punishment, positing what he believes are fair consequences – expulsion, effective immediately. This finally seems to knock Wyatt off his high horse. He claims that’s bullshit considering one student can beat up another and not get kicked out, but he makes a couple of mean anonymous posts and he’s on the chopping block?

Jack argues that it’s the principle of the thing, and that every situation is different. The situation between him and Lucas was an isolated incident with bigoted implications, whereas the page has been an ongoing toxic presence at the school –

Wyatt: But I don’t deserve to get punished for it! I didn’t create the page!

Jack: Fine. Fine, if that’s the case, then tell me who did. Tell me who should take the fall for this, and we can renegotiate your involvement.

Wyatt can’t, because he doesn’t know. Nobody does. Jack takes his silence as an admission of guilt, but it’s evident that he is truly distraught about taking the consequences for it. Perhaps the severity of the punishment may be a bit too harsh…

After a beat, Jack claims that he will take some time to determine the proper punishment. Until then, Wyatt would be smart to keep his head down and enjoy his last couple weeks of sophomore year without further trouble.

Wyatt rises in a huff, storming out. Jack waits until he exits before letting his composed facade crumble, obviously overwhelmed by the chaos this whole situation has caused.

Hopefully, it’s about to come to an end. But not without some major decisions…

Cue opening titles.

INT. AAA - BLACK BOX THEATER - DAY

ANGELA MOORE is at her desk in the black box classroom, fretfully flipping through the schedule of the touring spot she’s been offered. She’s cross-referencing it with her personal calendar, obviously not thrilled with how much it’s consuming of her current life.

She’s been waiting so long for an opportunity like this. It’s her dream, yet now that it’s in front of her she doesn’t know what to do with it. Angela lifts her head, gazing blankly at the empty classroom around her. Wondering what it would be like to leave it behind…

SHAWN HUNTER breaks her out of her daze, entering with coffee and a breakfast bagel. He hands it to her and she takes it gratefully. He tentatively asks if she’s made any decisions yet, to which she gives a definitive no. Still very much in the realm of indecision.

Shawn seems relieved that it’s not a guaranteed yes, but being in uncertain territory isn’t much better. But uncertain ground they’ll continue to tread…

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Ain’t It Fun” as performed by Tufts Beezlebubs || Performed by Nigel Chey, Yindra Amino, Chai Fresco, Nick Yogi, Clarissa Cruz, and Haley Fisher

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

NIGEL CHEY leads this acapella rendition, playfully rehearsing with his fellow sophomores. It’s one of the few numbers we’ve seen so far that gives due focus to the other performers in the classroom, and it gives an upbeat (if subtly ominous) musical start to the episode.

He dances around the stage with YINDRA AMINO, CHAI FRESCO, NICK YOGI, CLARISSA CRUZ, and HALEY FISHER. In keeping with the truce, most of the techies are hanging around with them and half-grooving along while working on set pieces. DYLAN ORLANDO sways with ASHER GARCIA in a bouncy waltz, the latter somewhat singing along.

DAVE WILLIAMS shows off his usual terrible dancing. Nigel sings directly to JADE BEAMON at one point, and she just about passes out. Yogi films the jam session with his A/V club camera to commemorate the end of the year.

Absolutely charmed.

INT. AAA - HALLWAY - DAY

While the acapella underscores, FARKLE MINKUS is making his way through the hallway after finishing up at his locker, headphones blocking out the rest of the world. He seems a little out of it, traversing the school with less of the impatient, high-maintenance energy than he was bursting with earlier in the year. Subtle, but definitely a shift.

DARBY WINTERS and SARAH CARLSON catch up to him, startling him into conversation. As he removes his headphones, he struggles to catch up to their fast-paced questioning.

Darby: … your audition number? We want to start taking bets on whether you’re going to be able to best Maya or not in this final epic diva showdown.

Farkle: My audi – okay, slow down pixies, and start over. I can’t understand you at warp speed.

They eagerly ask him if he has decided what song he’s using for his audition. Suddenly feeling as though he’s forgotten something, he asks them what the hell they’re talking about.

Sarah: The Kossal auditions? They’re this weekend. Preliminaries are going to be all this week. [ Like he’s stupid. ] You know, the most coveted opportunity of the year?

Farkle: Oh. Oh… yeah. Yeah, I guess I forgot.

Sarah raises her eyebrows, clearly shocked. Darby breezes right past it, telling him he should really start thinking about it, although he’s likely to do amazing regardless. As they flutter away, Farkle shakes off his daze.

He honestly can’t believe he forgot about the program he’s been waiting all year to audition for. But suppose when you actually get friends and stop being all-consumed by your one passion, that’ll do it to you.

INT. AAA - ERIC’S OFFICE - DAY

ERIC MATTHEWS is sitting down with RILEY MATTHEWS, obviously excited about whatever information he’s about to share with her. She still has her focus set on a different matter, though, and figures that’s what the meeting is going to be about.

Riley, hopefully: You’ve figured out who is running AAAC?

Eric: … still working on that. But making progress, undoubtedly.

Riley sighs, slouching back in her seat. Eric promises her that what he has to tell her is just as exciting, another great opportunity here at the end of term. He goes on to explain that at the conclusion to each school year, Michael Jacobs and the school board fund an art gala in which all the major art magnet schools from the area come together to celebrate their achievements of the past year and share in their love of the craft.

He slides a small invitation across the table for her to look at. On the front is a fancy-looking ballroom where the event is usually held, with details and logistics on the backside.

Eric: Now, obviously Jack and I will be attending, as principal and MVP of Adams.

[ Riley glances at him, giggling at his given title for himself. ]

Eric: But we’re allowed to bring one student as a representative for our school, and we were thinking you.

Riley: [ blinking, taking a moment to realize she heard him correctly ] Me – me? You want me?

Eric: The nomination was unanimous.

Riley is evidently stunned by this. Eric goes on to explain all that she helped achieve at AAA that year, particularly how instrumental she was in bridging the divide and improving the overall quality of culture in the sophomore class. There is no one else they can think of more deserving of the opportunity. She should be proud of everything she’s accomplished this year.

The caveat, however, is that the gala conflicts with the district-wide audition evening for Kossal. So should she get chosen from the school-level auditions to progress onward, she would have to decide which one to attend. Riley claims she’s not planning on auditioning anyway.

Eric: What? Why on Earth not?

Riley: Are you – are you serious? You literally just said to me –

Eric: You know, you’re right. You’re right, shh. We’ll unpack that later.

Eric opts instead to highlight all the fun aspects to the gala that Riley should start gearing up for. She gets to dress up! There’s performances, and dancing, and great food! Oh, and she gets to bring a plus one, so she should start thinking about who she might like to bring along.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

Class has assembled for the day, bustling into their seats and alive with restless end-of-term energy as Angela brings their attention to the front. She goes on to talk further about the Kossal program, how it is an intensive six-week summer camp in upstate New York where participants are deeply immersed in the art of performance. It is one of the most highly anticipated opportunities of the year for the sophomore class. The program boasts many notable alumni, and they’ve rarely had a student attend it from AAA who didn’t see success in their future.

As she describes it, it’s evident that MAYA HART and Farkle are both totally invested. ZAY BABINEAUX seems inspired too, but less openly determined than the other two divas. Everyone else is somewhere in between, indecisive about whether it’s worth it to try for it at all.

Angela continues on, explaining the catch – given it’s highly selective criteria, the audition process is staggered and competitive. It starts at the school level, where they will select three of their best students to move on to the district-wide auditions. From there, one lucky student from Adams will get to experience the program.

The techies are like… great. This week is going to be hell, isn’t it. ISADORA DE LA CRUZ exchanges a look with DYLAN ORLANDO and ASHER GARCIA, who look less than enthused. Angela dismisses them to work on their auditions or final projects, whichever they deem fit.

In the wings, Farkle pulls Maya aside. In an attempt to preserve their new and blossoming friendship, he proposes that they should help one another with their auditions. Essentially, be there to support one another rather than fall into their usual habits. Given the circumstances, it’s very unlikely that they both won’t progress to the next round, and he doesn’t want their naturally competitive instincts to come between them.

Maya is surprised and a bit hesitant towards this initiative, but she’s not going to be the one to cause trouble. Besides, as far as she can tell, Farkle does seem entirely genuine in his motivations. She agrees with a “hell yeah,” taking a pass on the drama if they can hack it.

They shake on it, agreeing they’ll be on each other’s teams.

INT. AAA - CAFETERIA - DAY

Zay is at his usual table, YINDRA AMINO and NIGEL CHEY occupying the other primary seats around him. They’re engaging in their typical comfortable conversation, Zay allowing them to take the brunt of it.

His focus shifts when CHARLIE GARDNER approaches with lunch in hand, coming to stand awkwardly by their table. He and Zay hold eye contact for a long moment, before Charlie asks if there’s room for him to join them. Although there’s clear tension, Yindra and Nigel don’t seem to pick up on it.

Zay claims there’s room, because he actually has to get going. He rises to leave without much more to say to Charlie. It’s clear this stings a bit, and Charlie watches him go before sliding into the seat he just vacated.

Yindra snaps him out of it when she asks whether or not he’s planning on auditioning for the Kossal program. Charlie says no, as he has a family obligation – there’s this big communal springfest dinner at his church that same night that is super important to his parents. His mother is part of the planning committee, and all that.

Nigel explains that he and Yindra were both considering it, but with only three spots and three known divas, it sort of seems like improbable odds. Charlie nods along, but he’s not really paying that much attention to their complaints. His gaze keeps lingering on the doors where Zay left.

INT. LUCAS’S APARTMENT - DAY

LUCAS FRIAR hastily makes his way from the hall to his bedroom towards the door, obviously on a mission. He has his phone pressed between his shoulder and his ear, slipping on his boots.

Lucas: I’ll be there in like five minutes, you can pick me up at the usual corner. [ a beat ] No, tell Dylan he’s not coming over. [ beat ] Yes, I have the fireworks, now could you –

From the kitchen, his mother calls out for him. This is pretty unusual, so Lucas tells Asher he’ll be there in a minute before hanging up and sauntering back towards the kitchen.

INT. LUCAS’S APARTMENT - KITCHEN - DAY

Lucas pokes his head in, finding GRACE FRIAR seated at their small dining table. She’s petite, disarmingly beautiful, and looks deceptively too young to have a teenage son. She asks if he has a minute to chat about something. He starts to state that he has plans, but rather than explaining to his mother that he’s off to go set off illegal fireworks with his dumbass friends, he figures he can spare the few seconds to talk.

Lucas settles into the chair across from her, and the closer we are to her the more the cracks in her dainty exterior seem to show. There are healing bruises on her face from the events of 1.09, and once you notice them underneath the makeup, it’s hard to unsee.

She goes on to explain that through one of her friends at work, she was able to get in touch with the dean of admissions at McCullough, a private all-boys boarding school in upstate New York. Given Lucas’s excellent academic record at AAA – behavioral record aside – Grace believes that if he applied, he could totally get a spot in their elite student body for the last two years of high school. She wants to put his application in for the fall, if that’s something he might want.

Lucas, stunned: You mean… you mean like leave triple A?

Grace hurriedly explains that she knows AAA was never Lucas’s top choice as far as schooling. He never had any artistic interests, there were just no… better alternatives. But this school has excellent reviews, top rated academics. It’s in the countryside rather than the city, so maybe the fresh air could do him good. A little space. And all of its alumni go on to have successful careers as doctors, lawyers, entrepreneurs – whatever Lucas decides he wants to do.

Lucas doesn’t know what to think. Never before has there been another option besides AAA, and the mere prospect of it seems impossible to fathom. Not to mention, so much has changed in the past year at the school he always claimed he hated. He doesn’t know how to answer.

Grace claims that he should take the next couple of weeks to consider it, as the application isn’t due until then anyway. It just might be a viable different route, an… escape from everything going on here. A loaded conversation to drop so suddenly…

Angela, pre-lap: How is anybody supposed to make a decision like this?

INT. AAA - ERIC’S OFFICE - DAY

Angela is hanging out with Eric in his office, both of them relaxing after the students have cleared out for the day. They’re sharing sodas in fancy glasses (i.e., what they’re allowed to consume on school property), and Eric is leaning back with his feet up on his desk as they muse.

Angela laments her current situation, definitely feeling torn between two worlds.

Angela: It’s like, all my life, I had one dream. This gig, this draining, paradoxical, invigorating art of performing, that was it for me. All of this from acing an audition to getting a spot on a tour or production, I mean, that was the whole plan, you know? That would fall into place, and the universe would do the rest.

Eric: I hear you, sister. Amen.

Angela: But here I am, finally steps away from the dream. It’s right in front of me. I can taste it. And… I’m holding back. I’m hesitating. How can I be hesitating now?

As Eric points out, there’s a chance her dreams have changed. She certainly has, as has he, and everyone else they know. Hell, look at how much they’ve all grown in just this school year alone.

Eric: Beginning of this year, Jack and I fought about everything.

Angela: Believe me, I remember.

Eric: You and Shawn couldn’t even look at each other, and the school was at war. Quite literally, given everything that conspired after.

Now, all things considered, they’ve found harmony. They’ve found peace, and they’re on their way to almost quelling the last remaining symbol of bad blood. They opened themselves to change, and it turned out to be exactly what they needed.

Eric: Change happens, and it’s scary. But it can be good. You shouldn’t run from it. In fact, it may behoove you to listen to what it’s trying to tell you.

Angela ruminates on this, taking a long sip of her cola. Much to think about.

INT. BABINEAUX HOME - NIGHT

Zay is eating dinner with OMAR BABINEAUX and DONNA BABINEAUX, attempting to find the right time to tell them about the summer program. As Omar wraps up discussing a new development at work, Zay takes a deep breath and gears up to speak. Donna beats him to it, however, suddenly remembering an important news bulletin they meant to share with him.

His older sister Jada was selected for an exclusive study abroad program this summer. She’ll be studying fashion in Milan and Paris, so they’re planning a family vacation there as well to take advantage of the opportunity. It’s an exciting update, but definitely throws a potential wrench into Zay’s quest for Kossal.

Donna: Isn’t that exciting?

Zay: Oh, yeah. Yeah, that’s… I mean, dope.

Omar: What were you going to say, Zay? Looked like you had something on your mind.

Zay: Just that, uh… my grades have really turned around since fall semester. So the tutoring did actually help. That’s all.

He doesn’t push the issue further, allowing his parents to congratulate him and take back control of the conversation. Might as well be a sign… right?

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Jack and Shawn are having their traditional dinner. Shawn raises his glass in a toast, cheering on Jack for catching the dumbass who was running the AAAC. Jack takes the praise, but hesitantly. After they both drink, Jack expresses his qualms about how to progress with punishment towards Wyatt.

Shawn shares no such reluctance to be brutal.

Shawn: What do you do when you catch a cold, Jackie?

Jack: Down a pint of Gatorade and hope for the best.

Shawn: [ with an eye roll ] Okay, how about a malignant mole? A tumor? Any sort of cancerous presence?

Jack: Well I’ve been lucky enough not to –

Shawn: You remove it. You cut the thing out so it’s disease can’t spread. It’s that simple.

Jack points out that some might say similar rhetoric about, say… Lucas, to which Shawn scoffs. He claims that they’re completely different situations.

Shawn: Listen, Friar is a mess all his own. I would know. But he isn’t going around using slurs towards other students, or posting increasingly vitriolic hate just to rile people up. There’s a difference.

Jack references the fact that Wyatt claims he’s not the moderator, that there’s another student running it. Shawn blows this off, stating that has to be a lie.

Shawn: [ with his mouth full ] I would know. I used to lie to get out of trouble all the time.

Jack: Once again, you continue to reassure me of your right state of mind to be teaching the youth of tomorrow…

Shawn states that Jack knows what the right decision is, he’s just wallowing in it. And if he won’t do the right thing, then he’ll just take matters into his own hands. Jack knows he’s just shooting the breeze, but he is also like don’t do anything stupid please, I have enough to deal with.

INT. MATTHEWS APARTMENT - NIGHT

That night, it’s just CORY MATTHEWS and Riley there for dinner at the apartment. In the midst of the meal, Cory congratulates her on being selected as representative, and there’s a soft moment between them reflecting on just how far she’s come in a year. He’s so, so proud of her.

She agrees that there is a lot to think about, like what she’s going to wear and who she should bring along. Cory additionally mentions the decision over which song to perform for her audition for the summer program, until Riley expresses that she isn’t planning on auditioning.

Much like Eric, Cory is totally opposed to this notion. He states that she should at least throw her hat in the ring, and it’s even more low stakes for her considering if she doesn’t make it to the district level, she has another plan already in place.

Cory: Other potential conflicts aside, you shouldn’t keep yourself from getting the chance to run the bases by never letting yourself take one swing at bat.

INT. RILEY’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

This sentiment is still lingering with Riley as she gets ready for bed. She hesitates, glancing up at her moodboard to search for inspiration.

It’s drastically different than when it was first made, more intricate and decorated than ever. Lots of little details have been added, including photos of her classmates, playbills from Les Mis, and lots of other little mementos throughout the school year.

She zeroes in on one item in particular – a scrap of notebook paper. It’s the note she and Lucas were passing back in forth in 1.10, during Maya and Farkle’s rendition of “Bop to the Top.” While the majority of it is just a back and forth about how Lucas doesn’t know what the movie is and he thinks Maya and Farkle aren’t that good, the most important statement is the last.

As Riley is defending their performing abilities, he’s followed up with a very bold counterargument: “You’re better.”

It’s evident that is the reason the conversation is hanging up at all. She hangs on this, lightly smiling… wheels are beginning to turn in her head again…

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

Charlie shows up to the auditorium early, finding Zay on the stage exactly as he hoped he would. He’s running through what would have been his audition routine, the vaguely familiar orchestral arrangement from A Chorus Line playing on his iPhone speaker. Charlie hangs back and watches for a moment, in awe of Zay’s obvious skill as always.

Charlie: Looks pretty good.

Zay is surprised by his presence, both because he didn’t realize he was there and because he’s suddenly deeming him worth talking to again. He rushes to turn off his speaker, taking a second to catch his breath. Then he forfeits the stage, saying that he’ll get out of his way if he needs to use it. Charlie rushes to stop him, asking if he’ll give him just half a second to talk.

Zay looks wary, but he doesn’t leave. He crosses his arms, waiting for Charlie to say his piece.

Charlie: I’m sorry I’ve been acting so distant. Ghosting you, and stuff. I don’t have an excuse. I’ve just been… it’s been weird.

Zay: Bit of an understatement.

Charlie: I haven’t exactly felt like myself much, lately. [ a beat, then he laughs ] Honestly, it’s more like I don’t even know what “myself” actually is. Kind of wondering if maybe I ever did.

[ It’s really hard not to empathize with him. Zay is clearly softening. ]

Charlie: Anyway, it’s not a good reason to treat you the way I did. I can’t explain why I did what I did, but I’m genuinely sorry. I never meant to hurt your feelings. And regardless of what’s going on with me, I don’t want to lose you. I mean, someone has to be able to keep up with me around here.

Zay can’t help but chuckle, earning a hopeful smile from Charlie. But the deal isn’t closed yet.

Charlie, sincerely: I understand if you can’t forgive me. I just wanted you to know.

There’s a moment of silence. Charlie may as well be holding his breath. Then, Zay sighs.

Zay: I don’t know what your so-called God has you used to, but I wouldn’t call what you did unforgivable. Or maybe I’m just a gracious deity.

Jokes aside, he’s accepting the apology. Charlie is clearly relieved, laughing in spite of himself and nodding. Zay mirrors his smile, before prodding further on what he mentioned earlier.

Zay: What did you mean by that? Not feeling like yourself?

Charlie: I don’t know. It’s like… do you remember during acoustic week, we talked about your lack of friends?

Zay: Well, I wouldn’t phrase it like that, but yes.

Charlie: It’s… I guess it’s kind of like that. What I talked about, that feeling where you feel like you’re outside yourself. Only… way worse. Like now I’m out there, and I don’t even recognize the person I’m looking at. It doesn’t feel like me anymore. Or maybe it never really was.

Zay can tell that Charlie is seriously struggling with this. Charlie goes on to explain that he was scared that things were changing, but now he doesn’t even know if that’s the case anymore. He isn’t sure if things are changing, or if he’s just becoming aware of how things already are. He can’t figure out which is worse.

Vague cryptic statements aside, Zay states that he’s there to help if he thinks he needs it. Charlie thinks on it, before agreeing that just doing something fun to get his mind off everything might be exactly what he needs.

Charlie: And, well, you’ve always been the expert on that front.

Zay: This we know. I’ll see what I can do.

INT. AAA - HALLWAY - DAY

Riley catches Isadora in the hall, asking if she’s seen Lucas. After she suggests checking the usual places, Riley follows up by asking whether or not Isadora is planning on auditioning for the summer program. Her derisive laugh is enough of a response.

Isadora: Are you kidding me? I’m not trying to insert myself into that bloodbath. Farkle, Maya, and Zay can take it, I’m not aiming to scrap in the last two weeks of school.

A valid analysis of the situation. Even still, Riley makes her focus on her as she states that she truly believes Isadora is good enough to earn herself a spot on her own merit. Then she flutters off, Isadora unable to hold back the ghost of a smile at the touching sentiment.

INT. AAA - PRACTICE ROOM - DAY

Maya and Farkle are in the same practice room where they met for tutoring in 1.03, running through some scales together with the latter on piano. They’re interrupted when KATY HART shows up, nervously poking her head in and clearly not sure if she’s in the right place. Maya eagerly leaps forward to greet her, hugging her and guiding her into the space.

Farkle is surprised, Maya quickly catching them both up to speed. She explains that her mother had never seen the inside of the school before, so she was able to work something out with Jack so that she could come by for lunch and stick around to see her audition. Katy expresses awe over how state-of-the-art the facilities are, Maya walking her through everything in their current room. Farkle watches them, obviously touched by their tight-knit relationship.

As Maya goes into further detail about what their practicing for and the summer program, Katy grows anxious again. She’s uncertain about the financial aspect of it. Farkle jumps in, helpfully stating that the summer program is all-expenses paid. That’s partially why their audition process is so thorough – they want to make sure only the most deserving and talented students are mixing and mingling at this shindig.

Good news, for the Harts at least. Katy brightens again, eagerly requesting to hear a little bit of what they’ve been working on. Maya claims that she’ll get to see the full audition in just a bit, but she pleads for a sneak preview. Farkle raises his eyebrows, wiggling his fingers over the keys to show he’s ready.

Maya relents, gesturing her mother towards the chairs to settle in and listen. Then she exchanges a look with Farkle, nodding to count each other in. She closes her eyes, taking a deep breath. Then, as Farkle hits the first chord…

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Listen” as performed by Glee Cast  || Performed by Maya Hart

Maya kicks off this brassy display of her vocal talent, true evidence to how hard she’s worked all year. “The Wizard and I” was impressive, but this is a whole new level of ambition. It’s raw with emotion, even more so given the fact that her mother is there to witness. She smiles at her as she sings, obviously one of her greatest sources of inspiration.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

As the performance continues, it shifts to Maya center stage performing for Angela, Shawn, Jack, and Eric. A large crop of her classmates are there to cheer her on as well – Farkle, Zay, Charlie, Riley, Isadora, Darby, Sarah, etc. How nice it is, seeing the divas show up to support one another rather than tear each other down…

As she finishes, her classmates burst into resounding applause. Angela, grinning, thanks her. Katy wipes a couple of tears. Maya can’t stop smiling, nodding gratefully with the spotlight shining all around her.

EXT. AAA - LUNCH COURTYARD - DAY

Lucas and Isadora are at lunch, the latter rattling off what she thinks her summer plans are going to be with this short film idea that came to her during first period. She’s already got storyboards going in a notebook.

Lucas isn’t listening. He’s distracted, watching the other goobs in his techie crew throw food at each other and crack up and live their generally silly existences. Isadora realizes he’s a million miles away and snaps him out of it, asking him if he heard a word she said.

Lucas: Please. Of course I did.

Isadora: Right. So what was I thinking was going to be the climactic plot twist that makes the entire short and dare I say rivals Alfred Hitchcock?

Lucas: You know I don’t understand that reference.

Isadora, bluntly: You really should. Well?

Lucas: … okay. Okay! I wasn’t listening. You caught me, congratulations. You’re Sherlock of the month.

Isadora makes an offhand comment about how she doesn’t see why she bothers to open her mouth, but Lucas is already zoning out again. It’s clear that the decision of McCullough is all he can think about, so he ventures the topic – albeit vaguely – with his most trusted source.

Lucas: Can I ask you a question?

Isadora: Was that not just a question?

Lucas, deadpan: You’re fucking hilarious, seriously.

Isadora: [ with a smirk ] I know. Anyway, go on.

Lucas finds a way of twisting the decision to leave into a thinly veiled alternative scenario, almost like… a scientific hypothetical. Something she would inherently understand.

Isadora: You realize that most often supposed “hypotheticals” are in fact very real situations that one is simply posing as a hypothetical –

He waves her off, going with the ruse anyway. He lays it all down before asking for her advice as to how she would proceed to make the most effective choice. She plainly states that she would make a list of pros and cons to each outcome. From there, it’s far simpler to deduce the best method moving forward.

Lucas absorbs this, nodding along and thanking her. Then she continues on with her film sketch, but he’s already checked out again. Already mentally crafting his list…

INT. AAA - GIRLS DRESSING ROOM - DAY

Sarah and Darby are in the dressing room with Chai, hanging out before class resumes. As Darby touches up her makeup, the three of them discuss whether or not they’re auditioning. Sarah complains it’s not really worth trying either way, and Chai concurs. But she blithely states she wasn’t planning on auditioning anyway. In fact, she won’t be returning next year, either.

Darby: [ whipping around and smearing mascara on her cheek ] Oh my God, WHY?

Chai: Relax, Darbs. It’s not goodbye forever. I was able to work out a study abroad sort of situation with Principal Hunter given that I’ll be spending the year in London.

Sarah: London? Where the hell did that come from?

Chai: Well, papa’s still attempting to win over me and mom after getting caught with his pants down with the secretary in our parlor –

Darby, sadly: It’s always the parlor… I’m so glad we don’t have one.

Chai: So he’s paying for me to spend the year across the pond. And it’s like what, am I gonna say no? I can hate his guts and spend his money, thank you very much. I’ll be studying the dramatic arts in the birthplace of Shakespeare, Andrew Lloyd Webber, wandering the West End…

Certainly a not-too-shabby alternative to AAA for a year, that’s for sure. Their conversation is interrupted as Riley enters to drop her things, Darby cheerfully posing the same question to her. Despite her former hesitation, Riley admits that she’s been considering it more and more. Sarah scoffs, asking her if she thinks she stands a chance against the divas. Riley shrugs and states that even if she doesn’t, that’s not a good enough reason to sit it out entirely.  

Chai applauds her confidence, but manages to underhandedly point out that it will give her yet another opportunity to publicly fumble like she did all the time at the start of the year. Sarah laughs along and Darby can’t help but giggle, although her expression is more apologetic.

Riley takes the hit, wishing all of them well with their own endeavors and keeping her chin up before heading out to the auditorium. Chai watches her go, but the expression on her face isn’t resentment. In some ways, it seems closer to envy.

Darby: Hm. Maybe I’ll audition, too.

Sarah: Yeah, uh-huh. I’ll believe it when I see it.

INT. AAA - TEACHER’S LOUNGE - DAY

Jack manages to catch Angela in the teacher’s lounge, brewing a thermos of coffee before she’s due back in the auditorium. He requests a moment to chat with her if she can spare it, which she happily does. The two of them settle in at a round table.

Jack poses the Wyatt problem, giving as much context as possible before asking Angela what she would do in his shoes. He notes the perspective he’s already gotten from Shawn. Angela grants that she isn’t surprised at all that he had that response, but is reluctant to provide her own.

Angela: I don’t know if you want to ask me. I can hardly make my own choices.

Jack: I just want to know your thoughts. Honestly.

Angela hesitates. She explains that she knows what Wyatt did was irrevocably wrong, from the despicable words to Isadora all the way through to the involvement with the confessions page and his targeted derision towards Lucas. It’s bullying in all its varied forms, and it shouldn’t be tolerated. Even still… she expresses hesitation at ousting him so harshly and hastily.

When Jack prods further, Angela points out that Wyatt is still one of her students. He’s making dozens of poor choices, she can concede that, and he deserves to be punished. But she’s also seen him in his brighter moments, instances of participation and camaraderie and learning. That exists in him just as much as the nastiness. As Jack has said himself, it’s never simply black and white, especially with adolescents who have so much growing to do.

For Angela, it just seems a little cruel to kick him out with so little time left in the school year. But she’s a softie, she claims, so what does she know? Maybe that’s not the best advice. Especially if he intends to leave an impression to deter others from exhibiting the same behavior. Jack thanks her regardless, insisting that her feedback was helpful.

Jack, softly: If you do decide to leave us this year as well, you will be sorely missed. I can promise you that.

Ouchie. Angela nods, suddenly a little more somber than before as Jack leaves her to it.

EXT. NEW YORK STREETS - DAY

Charlie is out with Zay, the two of them walking side by side as they make their way through the streets while keeping up a conversation. Zay refuses to tell him where they’re headed. Charlie is nervous, but also clearly excited. Invigorated with that infectious energy he gets from being around Zay Babineaux.

Zay declares they’ve made it, turning the corner. Curious, Charlie jogs to keep up.

EXT. NEW YORK STREETS - DANCE LOT - DAY

Zay has dragged them to a back alley park, the empty lot transforming into a break dance spot in the after school hours. A group of a couple dozen or so students is assembled, both older and younger than them. It’s sort of an impromptu crew, coming here after school to jam and challenge each other and just groove together. Most of them are also quite similar to Zay in displaying confidence in their unique sense of style – and come off pretty distinctly queer.

Charlie is more than intimated. He states he can’t do this before whipping around and trying to leave, but Zay grabs his shoulders and pulls him back. He braces him, going on to explain that as long as they’ve been friends – hell, even just classmates – Charlie has always seemed most centered when he’s dancing. These people, they’re the exact same, in fact they’re the experts at using it for self-expression. Zay is positive Charlie has never experienced dancing with freedom quite like this.

There’s a moment where it seems like maybe he’s being convinced… but no. He’s still scared. He tries to run again but is thwarted when one of the older, more respected members of the crew greets Zay and calls them over. Nowhere to hide, Charlie sheepishly follows Zay as he bounces over to greet his acquaintance.

Zay eagerly introduces Charlie, nudging him into standing straighter and not shying away from the moment. The assembled dancers sort of swarm and welcome him warmly, asking him what kind of dancing he’s into and if he thinks he can keep up. After a little bit of banter, let the dancing jam session begin!

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Step Up” as performed by Samantha Jade  || Instrumental

Yes, it’s the title track from Step Up. Yes, this entire sequence sort of feels like it’s ripped straight out of a Step Up movie. But that’s all part of the fun, and watching the teenagers all groove together and encourage each other is engaging to watch. The dancing is fresh, enthusiastic, clearly important to every single one of the kids assembled there.

Charlie is no exception. It takes a little while him to loosen up, the other dancers showing him new moves or helping him get comfortable. But true to Zay’s word, once he relaxes it’s like he transforms – he’s a completely different person. In his element, grounded, alive.

When the bridge hits (“And when the symphony plays, I feel my feet / Lifting from underneath”), focus zeroes in on just Zay and Charlie. In an instant they’re pulled together, and suddenly they’re dancing more with one another than we’ve seen thus far. Sure, they’ve done duets before, but never have they experimented with a dance that really includes the other.

But it’s good. Really good. And it seems pretty natural for the both of them to work out. As the bridge descends back into the chorus, they blend back with the rest of the crew and end out the jam session. Afterwards, the crew applauds, pulling Charlie into the group and giving him pats on the back. A new source of family, maybe…

His smile is impressively bright. Zay mirrors it. It’s impossible not to.

INT. AAA - SHAWN’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Angela and Shawn are at his apartment, having just finished up watching a movie. Well, sort of watching a movie, sort of on the road to Netflix and chilling.

After breaking a kiss, Angela tentatively broaches the topic of what will happen for the two of them if she decides to go on tour. Shawn bristles a bit, claiming that she’s decided then. She disputes this, stating that she’s far from having decided anything in an attempt to keep the situation from imploding. But Shawn has already pulled away, getting to his feet and busying himself by turning off the TV and hitting the lights.

Angela: Shawn, would you listen to me? I haven’t made a choice. I’m just… I’m trying to figure out my plan.

Shawn: You can’t make plans until after you’ve made the decision! [ off her expression ] You’re avoiding it because you don’t want to choose. You want there to be an easy out, but there’s not. You have to decide.

After a little more back and forth, Shawn points out that this is starting to feel eerily like the conversations they had right before the last time things ended badly between them. Angela frowns, stating that it’s different this time. They’re different.

But Shawn has already been emotionally spooked. He asks if he can be alone for a bit, retreating to the bedroom and leaving her alone to stew in it. Angela groans, flopping back on the couch and covering her face.

Weird, how not making a decision can almost make things worse…

INT. CHUBBIE’S DINER - NIGHT

Charlie and Zay are getting a late dinner at Chubbie’s, a credit in part to Charlie’s growth considering plenty of people can see them there who know them. But they’re friends, after all, so what does he have to hide? Just dancing pals.

He thanks Zay for taking him to the lot, stating that while he’s not entirely upright again, he does feel better. Zay is happy to have helped. When the two of them reach for the plate of fries at the same time, there’s a moment where their hands brush together and that tension returns between them again. Zay glances at Charlie, who is staring at their hands.

Then, Charlie proceeds for the fry as normal. Not commenting on the moment, but not immediately shying away from it either.

As he pops the fry into his mouth, he asks Zay what his plan for the summer program is. The number he was working on in the auditorium seemed pretty legit. Zay shrugs it off, claiming he’s not doing the audition. Charlie nearly chokes on his fries.

Zay: Jesus, man. [ sliding his water across the table in case he needs it ] If you survived the scary dancing pit, don’t let a stray potato take you out.

Charlie: What do you mean you’re not auditioning?

Zay: It’s no biggie. My family has this whole summer plan already, and I don’t want to mess with it. Not to mention the Farkle and Maya of it all, who knows what they might do if someone presents even a shred of competition –

Charlie, incredulously: I can’t believe I’m hearing this right now. You need to audition. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and you’re too good to pass it up.

Zay: Um, could say the same to you.

Charlie: Yeah, thanks, but I’ve got enough going on internally without adding a stressful audition into the mix. Think you can admit to that.

Zay: Yes, you certainly are a bit of a basketcase at the moment…

Case in point, Zay needs to do this. Charlie won’t hear anything else, and he’s sure his family will understand. He at least needs to try. Zay contemplates this – the notion of actually giving it a shot as well as Charlie getting fired up on his behalf – before eating another fry.

INT. AAA - BOYS DRESSING ROOM - DAY

Farkle is gearing up for his audition, doing vocal warm-ups and mouth stretches in the mirror. Yogi and Dave are also present, shooting the breeze and poking fun at Farkle’s pre-show rituals. Dave shares that he heard Riley might be auditioning too, which freaks out Farkle. He wasn’t expecting more than the three of them to audition, and suddenly the calm of this whole situation feels precarious.

Maya pokes her head in, checking for Farkle and telling him they’re ready. Yogi and Dave tell him to break a leg, but he ignores them as he marches out of the dressing room.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

Farkle and Maya make their way into the wings, the spotlight gleaming on stage and waiting for him. He stands apprehensively in the shadow of the curtains, suddenly prickling with stage fright he’s never really experienced before.

Maya gives him a bracing pat on the shoulder, pulling him out of his own head. She jostles him a bit, giving him a smirk and assuring him that he’s got this.

Wow, how nice it is to have friends instead of adversaries. Farkle nods, exhaling through his lips and regaining his performance mojo.

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Not the Boy Next Door” as performed by Glee Cast  || Performed by Farkle Minkus

The instrumental precedes him, setting us up for a jaunty, energetic solo as Farkle marches his way onto the stage. It’s an enthusiastic and skillful performance, delivering all of the star power and talent that he’s been serving since “Man About Town” but leaner, looser, more an expression of heart rather than a strangled declaration of perfectionism.

More than anything, it’s clear he’s having fun, which can’t be said for every performance he’s given over the course of the year. He totally loses himself in the number, spurred on by the encouraging cheers from his classmates who came out to see him – notably Maya and Riley, amongst scattered other performers.

He’s out of breath when he belts out the final note, but boy, did he make an impression. Angela thanks him proudly, the rest of the judges smiling as well.

INT. AAA - TECHNICIAN’S BOOTH - DAY

Lucas is alone in the booth, in his usual chair. He’s got his pros and cons list in a small notebook, tapping his pen against it as he contemplates it. Presently, there’s a couple more cons than pros.

He raises his gaze to look at the booth around him. Much like the moment that gripped Angela in the black box, Lucas becomes acutely aware of the fact that he may never be back in this space after the school year is done. It’s oddly surreal. His pen starts tapping faster out of instinct.

He’s broken out of his fugue when Riley pops in, knocking lightly before stepping inside.

Riley: I hope I’m not intruding.

Lucas: No, uh, no. It’s fine. You’re fine. What’s up?

Riley can tell he’s not quite himself, but she chooses to brush past it for now. She’s a bit nervous herself, given what she’s there to talk to him about. After a bit of beating around the bush – a pointed eyebrow raises from Lucas to make it evident he knows she’s beating around the bush – Riley works up the courage to ask him to be her date to the Jacobs gala.

Before he can respond, she launches into a frantic ramble explaining exactly what it is and what he’d be expected to do. Lucas does his best to absorb her words at warp speed, obviously stunned she considered to ask him at all.

Riley: [ following her breathless explanation ] Essentially, it’s just a fanciful folly for the arts, but apparently I’m good enough to represent. And I’m supposed to bring a plus one, and I’ve been giving it a lot of thought, and I just keep… I figured it might be nice to have a technician there as well. I couldn’t think of another person better suited for the job.

Lucas: … wow.

Lucas, still slow from the shock, admits that he’s flattered. And he concurs that her reasoning makes sense, bringing a technician along and all that. Riley nods along, chewing her lip and twisting her fingers together.

Lucas: But uh… no.

Riley: No. [ blinking ] No?

Ouch. Lucas presses his lips together, managing a shake of his head. Suddenly, the booth feels a million times more claustrophobic. As Riley tries to digest this turn of events, Lucas scrambles to provide an explanation of his own.

Lucas: Again, I really appreciate you considering me. But it seems like a pretty important thing for the school, or whatever, and a whole glamorous to-do. I just think that there’s a lot riding on you, here, and you should present yourself accordingly. Pick someone more… fitting to the role.

Riley: [ timidly ] What if I think you fit the role?

Well, hard to argue with that. Yet somehow, Lucas finds a way, still declining the invitation although with less certainty the second time around.

Riley is stung, stumbling out a few assurances of “cool” and “sure.” Lucas is apologetic, seemingly genuinely so, but at present Riley just needs to escape. She makes an excuse and darts out of there, Lucas watching her go. There’s a moment where it looks like he might go after her, but it passes without action.

Instead, Lucas sighs and pulls his notebook back onto his lap. He stares at his lists, grabbing his pen and adding Riley to the bottom of it. It’s in the middle of the page, not clear at all which column she falls under.

INT. BABINEAUX HOME - NIGHT

As Donna prepares for dinner and Omar chats with her from the table with his work, Zay barrels into the room and declares that he has something to tell them. He doesn’t give them the chance to react as he claims he wants to audition for the Kossal summer program, rattling off what it is and why he wants to do it. He states that he wants to go on the summer trip and this may not even work out, but the chance feels too important to ignore and really important to him.

When he finishes, he’s out of breath. He stares at his parents, wide-eyed, waiting for their reaction. Unsurprisingly they are more than supportive, telling him to go for it and show everyone at that school why he is the best they’ve got. The rest, they’ll figure out later. Zay exhales in relief and hugs his mom, earning a laugh from her.

INT. BABINEAUX HOME - ZAY’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Zay retreats to his bedroom, obviously in far better spirits than earlier in the week. He crafts a message to Charlie, before deciding that’s not enough. He pulls up his contact, dialing his number instead.

INT. GARDNER HOME - CHARLIE’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Charlie sees Zay light up his phone, grabbing it and escaping out to his balcony. He answers on the fourth ring, not keeping him hanging.

Zay tells him what his parents said, and that he’s going to audition. Charlie congratulates him, claiming that he knew it would all work out.

Zay: How is it when I always think I’ve got the one-up on you, you repay the favor before I even realize it?

Charlie, charmed: Well, I have to be the expert at something in this relationship.

Zay hangs on his acknowledgement of their friendship as a “relationship,” before pushing past it. He repeats the sentiment that his parents said about proving that he is the best AAA has, and Charlie seconds it without hesitation.

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “The Music and the Mirror” as performed by A Chorus Line Original Cast || Performed by Zay Babineaux

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

Starting from the opening piano tinkles, focus is solely with Zay on the stage. As much an honorary diva as he is, he’s more so a team player than anything else, so this ownership of center stage feels long overdue.

And boy, is it worth the wait. Zay absolutely destroys the classic triple-threat number, singing the hell out of it and then proceeding to dance the hell out of it. It’s four minutes dedicated to giving the star our undisputed attention, and it feels more earned than words can describe.

As the dance unfolds in the second half, focus cuts to some of the friends who have come to see him audition. Nearly the entire class is there considering how popular he is, all in awe of his dancing ability as they should be. Charlie looks prouder than ever. Riley is basically jumping out of her seat from excitement. That’s her first friend!

The judges are deeply impressed, and seemingly grateful at their current three auditionees there’s not actually a decision to make. Farkle seems less relieved, starting to get a little bit antsy as they applaud Zay and he gives a confident bow.

INT. LAW OFFICE - DAY

Riley visits her mother at work, distinctly out of place in the high intensity and strait-laced setting of the law office with her thrift store tee and flare jeans and propensity for knocking things over. It’s a relief when TOPANGA LAWRENCE emerges from her office and happily gestures her in, freeing her from the scrutinizing gaze of her colleagues at the front.

INT. TOPANGA’S OFFICE - DAY

Topanga and Riley catch up as they settle in, Riley primly sitting in the large leather chair opposite her mother’s desk. When prompted on how school is going, Riley offhandedly explains all of the stuff going on at school with things winding down to summer. When Topanga gets wind of the summer program, she comments what a wonderful opportunity that sounds like and questions whether Riley is going to audition.

Riley admits that she was thinking about it, but has sort of decided she’s not going to. Topanga totally turns the usual argument on its head, wondering why Riley would ever hesitate when she’s so gifted but more so curious as to why she’d neglect such a great opportunity when they’re certainly forking over a chunk of change for her to attend the school in the first place. A fair point, but not the most empathetic approach.

It’s encouragement in its most aggravating form. Rather than motivating Riley it almost completely turns her off to the whole thing. Although she states she’ll continue to consider it, her expression makes that statement difficult to buy. Tough day for Miss Matthews…

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

Class is assembled before first bell, discussing all the auditionees so far and how nothing has been much of a surprise. Wyatt is cleverly keeping his mouth shut giving he’s on probation, but somehow his classmates manage to pull some commentary out of him.

When he says something harsh towards Zay’s performance Charlie starts to refute but Lucas beats him to it, firing back with a dig at Wyatt that makes most of the assorted group chuckle but also wince. Pissed at being ridiculed by him once again, Wyatt serves up a harsh reality check of his own.

Wyatt: At least we know if there was a competition for which one of them to get rid of, there’d be a unanimous decision across the board.

The message is clear enough. Isadora jumps in and tells Wyatt to fuck off, but Lucas is less reactive. In fact, he’s totally blithe when he says something offhand in response, alluding to the fact that Wyatt might very well get his wish.

He gets up, retreating to the booth and leaving an uncomfortable and uncertain quiet in his place. The situation feels serious, but none of them have any clue why…

INT. AAA - BLACK BOX THEATER - DAY

Angela is still grappling with her own indecision, alone in her classroom. Only this time, Shawn isn’t there with coffee and a warm gesture to rescue her.

She checks her phone, revealing a couple of messages sent to him that have gone unanswered. Frustrated, running out of time, and as uncertain as ever, Angela shuts off her phone and jumps to her feet. Unable to sit still any longer.

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Should I Stay Or Should I Go?” as performed by Jools Holland & Kylie Minogue || Performed by Angela Moore

Launching into this anthem for indecision, Angela dances around her classroom as she lets out her aggravation. It’s refreshing to get another track with our favorite performance coach showing off why she’s been offered a touring position in the first place. The vocals are top notch, but the emotion behind them is what really sells the rendition.

As she continues to sing, she makes her way out into the halls…

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

In the following montage, Angela’s singing underscores both she and Lucas going through their day as they continue to balance their decisions. Whereas Angela is more about chewing up the scenery and expressing reluctance to leave, Lucas is observing the things about the school he enjoys (his fellow technicians, the booth, the occasional moments where the performers are entertaining) along with all the things he hates (the drama, the stupidity, the incessant singing). With every beat, he makes a little note in his list when no one is paying attention.

Angela finishes off the montage at center stage, dipping her head back and absorbing the spotlight. Exasperated, but evidently no more at home than when she’s performing. It does truly feel like an impossible decision.

Then, she closes up for the night, clicking off all the lights and shrouding the place in darkness.

EXT. OUTDOOR HIDEOUT - DAY

The montage concludes for Lucas somewhere just out of the city, more wilderness than we’ve seen yet. He’s seated on the hood of Dylan’s jeep which is parked in the clearing just beyond the trees, sort of a natural hideaway that the three of frequent somewhat often. Asher and Dylan focus on setting up something further into the space, leaving Lucas alone.

He’s got his list again, distracted by it rather than the task at hand. Asher jogs over with Dylan on his heels, the two of them questioning why he’s been out of it this week and why he’s waiting up. Dylan holds up a bottle rocket impatiently.

Dylan: Come on. We know you like to have first light.

Idiotic antics aside, Asher observes Lucas for a moment before wondering if he knows that if something major were going on, he could talk to them about it.

Asher: Whatever’s going on, you know you could talk to us about it, right? [ off Dylan’s nod of agreement ] I mean, no guarantee that we’d have good advice –

Dylan: [ with a snort ] Definitely not.

Asher: But we’d listen. We got your back. You know?

Lucas examines the two of them – his truest lieutenants – and just takes them in for a long moment. It’s difficult to imagine what his day-to-day would be like without them in it.

He assures them he’s aware, then tells them not to worry about it. He directs them to go finish setting up the rocket, to which Dylan cheers and sprints back over. After they’ve gone far enough away, Lucas takes a moment to add their names on the pros side of the list as a totally separate entity from the rest of the techies.

With that, he officially comes out to an even tally – no clear decision. All that remains in flux is Riley, now having been underlined and with a couple of question marks. This indecision’s killing me…

INT. AAA - ERIC’S OFFICE - DAY

Jack stops by Eric’s office, surprising him given they rarely have cordial friendly chats with one another. He attempts to play it casual at first, commenting on how lovely the auditions have been so far. Since only three have auditioned, guess their job is pretty simple, huh?

Eric: Yeah, for sure. And why are you here again?

Jack: What? I can’t come by to have a chat with my best counselor?

Eric: I’m your only counselor.

Jack: And?

Eric gives him a look, breaking his facade. Jack relents, easing further into the room to settle into the chair opposite his desk. He gets into his qualm with Wyatt once again, especially now that Shawn and Angela have given him opposing advice.

He still feels stuck. He wants to make the best choice as an administrator, but he also knows that teenagers are stupid. They’re ignorant. They make mistakes. He’s seen that shift firsthand all year long, in just about every single one of their students. But he doesn’t want this behavior to continue either…

Eric empathizes, giving Jack what he’s been wanting to hear this entire time which is simply that there isn’t a right or easy decision. He just has to go with his gut. Considering he’s an excellent educator, Eric has little doubt that he will make the best one.

Jack appreciates the sentiment, but still isn’t convinced. He asks Eric what he would do in his position, seeking counsel from him seeing as that’s presumably his job title and all that.

After a beat of contemplation, Eric states that he thinks he would ask Wyatt to leave. Not because he’s irredeemable, but because they have to think about what is best for the collective. Regardless of how they feel about individual students, what always matters most is how all of them can best proceed. Isn’t that true?

Jack takes this to heart, genuinely grateful for the help. Eric accepts his gratitude, offering him an encouraging smile.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

Lucas is seated on the edge of the stage, one leg dangling off the side as he painstakingly wraps microphone cables. Riley makes her way in from the audience entrance, hoping to find Isadora and stumbling into him instead. Their staging mirrors their face off at the end of 1.03, now with Riley standing in the aisles and looking up at him on the stage.

They’re a bit awkward with one another as she asks whether he’s seen Isadora, given how recent his rejection of her was. He claims he doesn’t know, curiously wondering why she’s trying to find her. Riley expresses that she wanted to ask her about the audition, letting it slip that she has almost effectively decided she’s not going to do it.

Lucas is shocked, coming off more miffed than he intends to. He questions if she’s serious, not believing there’s a world in which she’s not auditioning. Riley stammers into an explanation, Lucas remaining unimpressed as she lists all the factors that have stacked against her in the past week. He claims none of that matters.

Lucas: This is just you stepping back into the shadows because suddenly overwhelming factors have come into play. You’re really just going to go back to how things were? As if you’ve learned nothing?

Riley: [ scoffing ] Are you really about to give me this lecture right now?

[ Lucas rolls his eyes, diverting his attention back to his cables. But Riley isn’t finished, storming closer to the stage. ]

Riley: So what, you just want me to rock the boat for the sake of rocking the boat? You want me to just do whatever my mother says I should?

Lucas: This isn’t about your mom. And this isn’t about rebellion either. This is about you, and the fact that you are too damn talented to be stepping out of the spotlight just because other people want it. Just because someone else wants what you have doesn’t mean you have to give it up.

Choice words, and not a bad point. Riley absorbs this, crossing her arms and looking at her feet. Lucas gazes at her for a long moment, twisting the microphone cable in his fingers.

Lucas, calmer: Earlier this year, someone told me that if something is important to you then you go out and do it. No matter what anyone else tells you to do or how to be. You stand up for yourself.

Lucas gets to his feet, placing the microphone in the box with the rest and snapping the lid shut. He hops off the lip of the stage, passing her to head back towards the technician’s booth. But he hesitates once he’s passed her.

Lucas: Are you really going to go back to hiding in the chorus line?

He doesn’t give her the chance to respond, marching towards the back of the auditorium. Riley looks over her shoulder and watches him go, obviously torn up all over again. For what it’s worth, what she wants suddenly seems less muddled than before…

INT. AAA - HALLWAY - DAY

Thus, march onward Riley does. She approaches the audition list, hesitating before officially adding a fourth name to the roster. All the sudden, there’s actual stakes to this game. As she writes her name, a voiceover of her introducing herself before her audition pre-laps…

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

Riley is alone center stage, spotlight shining on her. She’s squinting to attempt and see Eric, Angela, any of them – but it’s like they’re not there at all. Basically the entire class has showed up in the seats, wanting to see how a non-diva contender plans to throw down with such a bold move against the status quo.

Angela grants Riley permission to begin whenever she’s ready. Her fingers are shaking as she holds the microphone stand. She closes her eyes, taking a deep breath and grounding herself.

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “She Used to Be Mine” as performed by Sara Bareilles || Performed by Riley Matthews

If there’s a pivotal example of how much a performer can blossom in the span of a year, then this performance would be it. Although she starts out timid, Riley delivers an impassioned and powerful rendition of the Broadway belter, obviously channeling all of her emotion and passion into it like never before. It’s stunning, breathtaking, the kind of game-changer that throws this entire competition into a toss-up.

It’s a testament to how far she’s come that nearly the entire class seems impressed. They’re supportive too, smiling and nodding as she decimates the number. Isadora is smug on her behalf, glancing to the other techies proudly. Even Farkle is playing nice, although he’s starting to get a little twitchy…

INT. AAA - TECHNICIAN’S BOOTH - DAY

As she rounds out the number, focus draws to Lucas in the booth. He’s totally captivated, although not that surprised – he’s the one who told her she had it in her, after all.

Still, there’s a contemplative edge to his expression. Trying to figure her out, wondering if he could actually walk away from her…

INT. AAA - HALLWAY - DAY

Inspired by Riley’s bold move, suddenly the audition list is swimming in the names of other hopeful auditionees. Farkle is staring at it, trying extremely hard to keep his cool and not freak out over the increasing loss of control.

Maya joins him, poking her chin over his shoulder and eyeing it as well before stating that he can’t keep watching it like this. Yet the two of them stare transfixed for a second longer, Maya physically having to turn them both away from it to break the trance.

She gives a pep talk, stating that they both gave kickass performances and all there is left to do is let the deliberation speak for itself. When Farkle doesn’t seem convinced, she tells him she’s getting him away from it. They’re getting out of there – they’re playing hooky. Now there’s a way to get the attention of a goody-two-shoes academic.

Farkle: Um? I’ve never missed a day of class in my sixteen years.

Maya: Aw, so honored to be your first time! Let’s go.

She grabs his hand, yanking him down the hall.

EXT. NEW YORK STREETS - DAY

Launching into their day of freedom, Maya and Farkle are meandering their way about town. They’re window shopping in the fashion district, sipping fancy coffee drinks and trying to find their zen – Farkle’s is pointedly marked decaf.

As they chat, they somehow gets on the subject of the local theater scene and the hangouts for up and coming performers. Farkle claims that his parents have membership at this elite club lounge where a lot of Broadway performers congregate and rehearse.

Maya: What’s it called?

Farkle: Emerald City, I think.

Maya: [ stopping cold ] WHAT?

Farkle: I know, feels a little on the nose, but –

Maya grabs him by the shirt collar, yanking him towards her and causing him to drop his drink. She’s got a frenzied gleam in her eyes.

Farkle: I was drinking that!

Maya: You have access to the Emerald City lounge? Where the future stars of Broadway mix and mingle? Where it’s rumored Carly Rae Jepsen snuck her way in and was able to get her stint as Cinderella? How have you never told me this?

Farkle: Ow, unclaw me, please! [ as she does so ] I don’t know, it never came up. I’ve always wanted to go, but I didn’t want to go alone. And to be fair, we weren’t exactly chummy for me to be sharing these things.

Maya: I know, I’m surprised you weren’t just bragging incessantly about it. And listen, had you mentioned this sooner? We would’ve been friends ages ago.

Farkle gives her a look, Maya nudging him playfully before insisting they have to go. If the only reason he’s never gone is because he didn’t want to go stag, well, that problem is now solved.

She starts to drag him down the street but he gets her to slow down, first thanking her for getting him out of that school and out of his own head. He truly needed it, and he’s grateful for it – and her. Maya grins, shrugging it off like it’s nothing.

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “One Short Day” as performed by Wicked Original Broadway Cast || Performed by Maya Hart & Farkle Minkus

As the jaunty and uplifting descent into glamourous kicks off, Maya and Farkle dance their way through the streets together as only two divas in paradise can. It’s endearing and comfortable, such a far cry from “What Is This Feeling?” in 1.03. It also doesn’t paint NYC in such a bad light either. In fact, it’s pretty damn beautiful.

On the beat where Glinda tells Elphaba they’re going to be late for “Wiz-a-mania,” Farkle gets caught up checking his phone. People are posting on their own accounts about how auditions are going, and the competition seems to be getting thicker and thicker. But Maya pulls him out of it, yanking him down the stairwell to the hidden depths of Emerald City.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

As Farkle and Maya enter the depths of the working performers, a montage ensues of the rest of the sophomore class performing their auditions.

INT. EMERALD CITY LOUNGE - DAY

An eclectic, shimmering testament to Broadway and those struggling to work in it, Emerald City is somewhere between a bar lounge and a dressing room. Maya and Farkle watch in awe as working actors and dancers buzz around them, before inevitably pulling them into the dance. Because it’s television, and musical television, and we can do what we want.

After the very necessary and super cute kick line, Maya and Farkle come back together to share their moment on the lyrics “and then just like now we can say…” Farkle states that they’re “two good friends,” before Maya takes his hand and holds their joined fingers up between them. “Two best friends.”

Then the professionals pull them back into the number, rounding out the number with a flourish. What a way to spend a school day!

INT. AAA - TECHNICIAN’S BOOTH - NIGHT

Lucas is back in the booth, although not in his usual chair. A little further into the booth, a panel has popped out of the wall and leaned against the electrical cabinet. And it’s the basic crawl space of an alcove that is revealed behind it where Lucas has built his hideaway, the place he sleeps when he’s avoiding going home. It’s not much, but it’s the coziest space he’s ever known.

This is where he is now, cooped up and regarding his full list. Cons include the horrible competitive environment, all the performers, the constant singing, etc. The pros, however, are strong and difficult to ignore – Isadora at the top and underlined, the techies, Mister Shawn, Principal Hunter (someone has to keep his life interesting), Dylan and Asher…

And yet, the tally comes to an even draw. All save for Riley at the bottom, somehow having become the deciding factor.

The booth door opening scares Lucas out of his melancholy. He scrambles to get up and start frantically attempt to hide everything away, when Isadora appears around the other side of the electrical cabinet. She tells him to relax, he doesn’t have to pack away his whole set-up. Also, she brought dinner. Lucas tries to act indifferent about her discovering his shelter, but she truly isn’t all that impressed.

Isadora: You really thought I didn’t know about all that? It’s not hard to deduce. You hate being at home. You’re always in here, and you’re always here first thing in the morning, which I know isn’t plausible otherwise because you’re not a morning person.

Lucas: Well, when you put it that way. [ a beat, softer ] Forget you’re a genius, sometimes.

Isadora: [ with a shrug ] You’re my best friend. It’s not that hard to figure you out.

He sits back down in his alcove, Isadora settling down across from him. She asks how his “hypothetical” is going. He defensively wonders if she’s figured that all out too, which she admits she has not. But she claims that if it were truly important, she knows he would tell her.

In this case, far from the truth. There’s a reason he’s avoided telling her what’s going on outright – he can’t imagine how she would take the news that he may be leaving for good. He explains that he’s hit a dead end and doesn’t know how to move forward. He’s done the pros and cons like she said, but he’s torn on this last factor that might tip the scales in either direction.

Isadora: First things first, is it an important factor? If it’s extraneous, then you shouldn’t even bother with it.

Lucas: … yes. Yeah, it is. How do I determine where it falls?

Isadora: Well, if this were an actual scientific theory, your next step would be to draft an experiment. Decide what you want your hypothesis to be – which outcome you want it to be, unless we’re talking null hypothesis – and then find a way to test whether or not it’s true. That’s what any good scientist would do. Basic scientific method.

Lucas takes this in, already puzzling over how to accomplish such a thing. Isadora distracts him by tossing food at him, commanding him to eat. He relents, digging in with her.

INT. ANGELA’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Angela is typing out an email to the touring company, effectively making her decision. From the looks of it, it seems as though she’s going to decline the offer. She’s interrupted when there’s a knock at her door.

Shawn is on the other side, holding a bouquet of flowers and ansty with earnest. Angela starts to question what he’s doing but he cuts her off, stepping in past her and launching into a poem from the book she gave him. The thematics are essentially well-matched to their current situation, and Angela can’t help but giggle in a what are you doing sort of fashion.

When Shawn finishes the recitation, he puts the flowers on the table and takes her arms. He’s breathless with nerves, but clearly wants her to hear him.

Shawn: I’ve changed a lot since the last time we had these conversations. I have, but I sure wasn’t acting like it. I’m sorry about the way I reacted, and I don’t care if you want to pursue this thing. In fact, I’m proud of you, and I want you to, if that’s what you want. And if it means another few years apart, then so be it. We came back to each other once.

Angela doesn’t even know what to say. She doesn’t know how to convey that she was going to decline the offer, or if she even still should with this turn of events. Thankfully, she’s saved by the bell, in this case her cell phone ringing. He steps back and allows her to pick it up.

As she engages with the call, we can tell that the news is shocking. Shawn tries to get something out of her as she listens, desperately trying to get a read on the situation. When she hangs up, she just stares at him for a couple of seconds.

Shawn: Ange, you’re killing me.

Angela manages to stammer out that she’s been offered a role in an off-Broadway show. Then, she’s finally able to grin. She repeats the statement, trying to make herself believe it. It’s not her big break, no, but it’s a start – and it’s here. She doesn’t have to go anywhere. The two of them, her time here, aren’t finished quite yet.

Shawn pulls her into a hug, lifting her and spinning her. When she lands back on her feet, the two of them share a big damn kiss –

INT. AAA - HALLWAY - DAY

The sophomore class is assembled outside the door to the black box, anxiously waiting for Angela to put up the finalists for Kossal. The performers are trying their best not to throw jabs at each other, while the techies hang back against the wall and watch the near stampede in mild amusement.

Lucas: If any of you decide you’re going to the pit because of this, can I watch?

Riley tells them to ignore him, reminding the core group that whatever happens, they’re going to be happy for one another. They all agree, although it’s hard to tell if that sentiment is going to hold true…

Angela emerges, silence immediately settling over the crowd. You could hear a pin drop. She begs for a moment to escape once she puts it up before they all stampede, then moves to pin the list onto the bulletin board. She dives back into the classroom and slams the door just as the wolves descend, trying to see who got the three coveted spots.

Farkle elbows his way through, making it to the front first and getting a look for himself. From his expression, we can almost imagine the list before we see it.

Zay Babineaux. Maya Hart. Riley Matthews.

No Farkle Minkus. No summer program. No successful path to the top.

Sound grows muted around Farkle as the others get close enough to look for themselves. He can’t bring himself to react. He can’t even breathe.

He’s jostled out of it when Charlie bumps him in the back on accident, en route to giving Zay an enthusiastic hug. Maya and Riley eagerly congratulate one another, turning expectantly towards Farkle. Obviously not certain what to say to him, but hoping he’ll opt to take the gracious approach instead and make it easy on them to enjoy their laurels.

What do they want from him? A congratulations? Farkle doesn’t have it in him to give. He sort of sputters an incoherent statement and backs away, trying to wrap his head around it. How this could have possibly happened.

Zay: Seriously? Are you about to diva meltdown? What happened to being happy for each other?

Farkle, panicked: Yeah, well, that’s easy to say when –

Charlie: It’s okay, dude. There will be other opportunities –

Farkle is beyond that. He’s sliding back into manic, figuring he must have let himself slip up somewhere along the way. Or that this is all some elaborate ruse on their part – like they all knew if they got him off his game, he’d be easier to thwart.

Zay: You think I’d choose to be friends with you just to get some made up advantage over you? Believe me, man, I don’t hate myself that much.

Riley: Farkle, that’s not true –

Maya: Farkle. [ breaking through the haze, over everyone else ] Can’t you just be happy for me?

She holds his gaze, obviously hurt. Hoping he’ll say the right thing. But all he can manage is a non-answer.

Farkle: I – need a second. I need – just leave me alone.

Farkle storms away towards the auditorium, desperate to escape. The others watch him go, a myriad of emotions swirling around them but disappointment being the most unifying one.

Zay: Guess people don’t really change.

Maya looks more wounded than anyone else. She breaks away from the group, marching in the other direction.

INT. AAA - JACK’S OFFICE - DAY

Jack is having his final conduct meeting with Wyatt, having made his decision on what his punishment will be. Eric is also present.

The final verdict is somewhere down the middle: Wyatt is being expelled from AAA effective at the start of the new term, but he will be allowed to finish out the remainder of this school year. Wyatt doesn’t have any complaints at this point, resigned. He claims that AAA is a hellscape and totally corrupt. The administration clearly has their favorites, and they have no idea how rotten the place is from the inside out.

Eric, calmly: You seem quite critical of this so-called rotten environment, in spite of how you had an active hand in keeping it alive…

Wyatt chooses not to comment, Jack dismissing him. As he heads out, he warns Jack that getting rid of him isn’t going to get rid of the problems at Adams. For one, he’s not the creator of the AAAC, but more pointedly the page is not the perpetrator of all the mean stuff people say about each other. They do all that themselves. Like he’s been saying, it’s just the messenger. And they’ve just shot it.

Wyatt: So if you really believe you’re making a difference, maybe you try tackling the toxic waste that serves as the very core of this school. But that would require actually being a competent administrator, so…

Eric rises and shoos him out, Jack taking the intended hit anyway. He closes his eyes and rubs his temples as Eric shuts the door behind Wyatt, releasing a sigh and claiming he thinks they made the right choice expelling that kind of bad energy.

When Jack doesn’t seem placated, Eric settles down across from him and comes to his defense. Wyatt is just postulating, and he made a good decision.

Jack nods along, but it’s evident there’s a lingering inkling of doubt…

INT. AAA - ATRIUM - DAY

As Wyatt exits the front office, he pulls out his phone. He crafts a message to AAA Confessions, warning them that Jack is on the warpath. The page is probably going to be officially shut down before the end of the school year. What are they planning to do?

The confessions page starts a message back… then doesn’t respond. Wyatt never gets an answer.

INT/EXT. LUCAS’S BEDROOM / LUCAS’S FIRE ESCAPE - DAY

Lucas is flipping through the McCullough pamphlet, but he can’t stomach looking at it for too long. Still feels like too daunting a decision to make.

He climbs out onto his fire escape, settling down and releasing a sigh. He stares out towards the city for a moment, then reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone. He starts a message to Riley, but nothing he wants to say comes out right. He finds himself calling her instead.

Lucas: Hey. I know I said… [ a beat ] things have been kind of… [ willing himself to be outright ] Do you still need a plus one?

Let the experiment begin…

INT. AAA - HALLWAY - DAY

School has emptied out for the day, only a few stragglers left behind. Farkle is back in front of the bulletin board, staring at the three names and unable to believe that he’s not there.

Something about him isn’t quite right. He’s frantic, frenzied in a way that’s beyond just disappointment from a jilted diva. The longer he glares at the list, clenching his jaw and fidgeting in place, the worse the hysteria seems to become.

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “It’s All Over” as performed by Glee Cast || Performed by Farkle Minkus (feat. Zay Babineaux, Maya Hart, Riley Matthews, Isadora De La Cruz, Charlie Gardner, and Lucas Friar)

[ Lyrics specific to characters – follow along here! ]

Farkle spits the words “Miss Moore was supposed to love me, I turn my back and find myself out on the line” towards the list, before whipping around –

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

And suddenly center on a brightly lit stage. It’s almost glaringly bright, to the point where it would hurt to look at. If you’re not in his immediate line of sight, then you’re shrouded in shadow – which is how the figures standing on the stage look to him until they make themselves known and step into the light to argue with him.

Although the rest of the core group is included in the number, it’s more than clear that they’re not actually there. This isn’t actually Maya, Zay, even Lucas singing in opposition to him – they’re all in his imagination, but it doesn’t make it feel any less real. In regards to who is saying what, well, if you read any set of specific lyrics in this show, let it be this number.

As Farkle grows more and more frantic, the opposition towards him grows more and more pronounced. Although this whole thing started with a dashed dream, the way he’s so emotional over them all “dropping” him through the course of the song or turning him away seems like a greater trigger for him than the missed opportunity. So it’s not actually clear what is causing the meltdown, or if he really knows himself.

All he knows is that the entire core group is telling him it’s all over, and he’s fighting against it with whatever he’s got – back to the teeth-gnashing, scrappy, obsessive starlet who clawed his way to first on stage at the start of the school year.

No, Farkle Minkus is far from going quietly. He’s not going anywhere, and he swears that this isn’t how this is going to end.

Oh, boy…

END OF EPISODE.

[muffin-n-waffle]

Channy Watches Anime Sometimes And You Should Too: Summer 2018 Edition

With the ending of spring, summer obviously comes in its wake, as well as the ever pressing need for it to just be fucking fall already! But aside from heat, bugs, and disappointing family vacations, summer also brings a whole new onslaught of anime. As usual, I have some specific as fuck tastes, and not all the time in the world to watch every single show airing this season, but I decide to compile a list of the ones that I plan on watching. 

This list is a little different this time around since I’ve decided to give some different anime a chance, so this time I’ll be putting these shows in a list from what I’m most likely to finish all the way through to least likely. Here we go! 

Banana Fish

Nature made Ash Lynx beautiful; nurture made him a cold ruthless killer. A runaway brought up as the adopted heir and sex toy of "Papa" Dino Golzine, Ash, now at the rebellious age of seventeen, forsakes the kingdom held out by the devil who raised him. But the hideous secret that drove Ash's older brother mad in Vietnam has suddenly fallen into Papa's insatiably ambitious hands—and it's exactly the wrong time for Eiji Okamura, a pure-hearted young photographer from Japan, to make Ash Lynx's acquaintance...

This anime is awesome so far! The animation is fluid, the writing is amazing, and the story sucks you in from episode one. I feel like this one is going to hurt a lot, but I’m so looking forward to following along each week with every new episode. 

Hataraku Saibo

This is a story about you. A tale about the inside of your body... According to a new study, the human body consists of approximately 37 trillion cells. These cells are hard at work every day within a world that is your body. From the oxygen-carrying red blood cells to the bacteria-fighting white blood cells, get to know the unsung heroes and the drama that unfolds inside of you! It's the oddly relatable and interesting story that is the life of cells! 

I present to you, Osmosis Jones: The Anime! Except, not really. This slice of life comedy follows the cells inside of a human body, and all of the triumphs and tribulations they have to go through with each passing day, whether that be fighting off germs, or even dealing with a small scrap. This one is pretty funny so far, and I definitely love the dynamic that’s been set up with one of the white and red blood cells. 

Chio-chan no Tsuugakuro

This is a story of a nerdy bookworm girl on her way to school, and yes, that's the entire premise, as she's not getting to school any time soon. Taking her "usual" route to school, it becomes an increasingly unusual adventure, and all the more ridiculous as it carries on. It takes an unpleasant sentiment many can empathize with, the feeling of tardiness, and brings humor to it—making it a hilarious situation to look back upon.

This season is filled to the brim with bizarre comedies it seems, which suits my tastes just fine, since aside from romance, comedy is one of my favorite genres. There’s not much plot to speak of, but each episode follows the lead, Chio, as she makes her way to school everyday. The premise is simple, silly, and great for a laugh. 

Asobi Asobase 

Hanako, an athletically proficient, yet thick-headed student with a weird fashion sense, plays a game with the American transfer student Olivia. However, their vigor irritated their classmate Kasuki who dislikes playing games since she has always been teased by her sister for being bad at them. With a turn of events, it was found out that Hanako is terrible at English. Thus, she asked her foreign classmate Olivia to help her, but Olivia, who is only born and raised in Japan with foreign parents, can't actually speak English at all! Watch over these three girls' surreal school-life comedy.

Another bizarre comedy! This one also doesn’t have much plot to speak of, and follows these three girls through school and the different situations they find themselves in. The faces that are drawn on these girls at times are hysterical, and it’s also been just a great show to sit down and simply laugh with. 

Hanebado!

Ayano Hanesaki, a first-year student at Kanagawa Prefectural Kitakomachi High School, has a badminton ability able to surpass others effortlessly yet avoids playing the sport. She meets Nagisa Aragaki, a third-year student who practices day and night aiming to become the best player in Japan. Encouraged by coach Tachibana Kentarou, supported by club colleagues, and fired up by various rivals, the two engage in their youth and adored sport so thrilling like a shuttle flown at high speed!

I don’t delve much into the world of ‘sports anime’, but after I saw the animation on this one, I just had to give it a chance. This one can be a bit melodramatic at times, and I’m sure it’s just some dumb misunderstanding that’s causing all of this drama in the first place, but so far i’m enjoying watching some really well animated badminton. 

Harukana Receive 

The story takes place in Okinawa, where Haruka forms a beach volleyball pair with Kanata. Kanata, who couldn't handle the pressure put on her by her short height, had given up on beach volleyball already but is convinced by Haruka to step back on the sand once again and aim for the junior tournament. 

My second shot at a sports anime! This one is all about cute girls and beach volleyball, though of course it isn’t without it’s melodrama as well, though this one seems to be handled a little better at least. The animation is cute, and it really has a fun, summer feel to it. 

Tenrou: Sirius the Jaeger

The series takes place in the Imperial Capital of 1930. A group of people known as "Jaegers" landed on Tokyo Station. They carry musical instrument cases and came to hunt vampires. A man named Yuliy stood among them with a striking serenity and unusual aura. Known as a werewolf who had his home village destroyed by vampires, he and the Jaegers engage in battle against the mysterious holy arc known as the "The Arc of Sirius". What truth awaits them?

This one is pretty good so far. It’s action packed, and has awesome animation, as well as a decent plot it seems. It’s so far down on the list because I’m only two episodes in, and my fear is that the story is going to end up disappointing me, or become boring. 

Angolmois: Genkou Kassenki

The scary great king comes from the other side of the sea… The big incident ‘Genkou‘ that shook medieval Japan is being drawn in an original way in this historical anime, along with the beginning of the Samurai…!

A samurai historical about the Mongol invasion of Japan. Lots of action, and decently animated so far, but might not continue with it if it starts to really bore me. I’m also secretly hoping for some romance between the two characters featured on the poster.....

Grand Blue

Among the seaside town of Izu's ocean waves and rays of shining sun, Iori Kitahara is just beginning his freshman year at Izu University. As he moves into his uncle's scuba diving shop, Grand Blue, he eagerly anticipates his dream college life, filled with beautiful girls and good friends.

But things don't exactly go according to plan. Upon entering the shop, he encounters a group of rowdy, naked upperclassmen, who immediately coerce him into participating in their alcoholic activities. Though unwilling at first, Iori quickly gives in and becomes the heart and soul of the party. Unfortunately, this earns him the scorn of his cousin, Chisa Kotegawa, who walks in at precisely the wrong time. Undeterred, Iori still vows to realize his ideal college life, but will things go according to plan this time, or will his situation take yet another dive?

Yet another comedy! I think this one is aimed at a younger generation of boys though, but so far facial animations are funny, and it’s been good for a laugh with one immature gag after the other. I may not stick with it, but I’ll give a few more episodes just to see if it’s worth my time. 

Kyoto Teramachi Sanjou no Holmes

Based on mystery novels written by Mochizuki Mai.There is an antique shop in Kyoto's Teramachi Sanjou shopping district. High school girl Mashiro Aoi unexpectedly runs into Yagashira Kiyotaka, the son of the shop's owner, and ends up working part-time at the shop. Kiyotaka is called the "Holmes at Teramachi Sanjou," and he and Aoi solve odd cases brought to them by various clients.

This one probably should have been a little higher on the list, but considering I forgot about it until just now, maybe it doesn’t.... I decided to check this one out purely based on my love for Sherlock Holmes. The animation in this one is just okay, and the cases, while only two episodes in so far, are so predictable that it’s almost laughable. I’ll probably stick with this one since it’s easy enough to get through, and while it’s more of a slice of life, I am sort of hoping for a romance between Aoi and Holmes. 

Aguu: Tensai Ningyou

The series is about a missing genius whose mysterious disappearance becomes a shady secret among the successful members of society.

Last one on the list, and only one episode for this one so far. It has some pretty odd animation, so much so that it nearly through me off. I suppose it speaks well of the story that I stuck around despite that. I know the plot synopsis above is pretty short, but it’s hard to explain what this wild show is about, and it’s better if you just check out this weirdness for yourself. 

[tempestshakes01]

jan 1

WOW, WHAT A NIGHT. 

My dad drives me out to the strip because of my eye infection. I can’t see; thus, I cannot drive. Grace Alex shows up about 15 minutes after me. 

The strip is EMPTY. Where are all the people??? It was almost 10pm at that point, so it’s not like we were too early. We walk around a bit to double check, but yeah--everything except The Mix is CLOSED. I even check Bonha/m Exchange and they’re closed too. A GAY NIGHT CLUB...CLOSED...ON NEW YEAR’S EVE. 

Confused, Grace and I drive to Southtown and Blue Star. Things are happening there. The first cocktail bar is too dark for Grace. We go to Halyco/n for a coffee cocktail instead and by that time we’re just gonna drink to loosen up because Lily invited us to a party at someone’s house. We just needed to bring beer. 

So we chat and drink our drinks. Then we head out to find a convenience store where we buy a pack of some sort of IPA that Grace likes and cheap-ass Merlot for me. 

We roll up to the house party and knock, but no one notices. So. We walk in. 

IT’S A 1920s COSTUME PARTY. 

Now, this is a Southtown house so it’s this really lovely vintage Craftsman home that’s updated BEAUTIFULLY. It was a gorgeous home and it was lit by dozens of candles and everyone was dressed magically. People turn to look at us (dressed in street clothes) but don’t say a thing. We drop off the drinks on the kitchen counter and pop open some beers. Weaving through the house, we try to find Lily but she remains elusive. Outside they have a little firepit going and they’re cooking oysters and smoking cigars. A guy in white linen suit, a girl in a big fur coat, and a dude in a vest and suspenders immediately introduce themselves. They’re all varying levels of drunk and the girl is obviously not into the guys, but she seems cool. 

We converse with them for a while, and dance for a little, before growing uncomfortable again at the fact that Lily is obviously NOT at this party and we stick out like a sore thumb. I get a text from Lily asking for our ETA to Travi/s Park...so she’d ALREADY LEFT. 

Making our way back to the front of the house, I hear Grace repeatedly say some guy is cute, but I’m fucking blind. I don’t know who she’s talking about and I think we’re leaving so I wait for the perfect timing to...STEAL THE WINE. And then I book it with Grace at my heels. We make it outside where she immediately regrets following me out because of the cute mustache guy...but I just made a scene so we don’t go in again. 

The beer is nasty and I dump it. 

We text Lily and she says that two very nice homeless men named Josh and Chad are saving spot 29 for us when we’re ready. Uh. 

Grace texts her friend Danya for her NYE party plans and she’s having an apartment party at her tech boyfriend’s (actually greencard husband but SHHHH (he’s from Nigeria and she’s Eduadorian/American)) super swanky place near The Pear/l, right on the river by The L/uxury (beer garden/Costa Rican food). BUT she says we gotta pick up 2 packs of beer for beer pong. 

By this time it’s 11:30.

Grace and I have a history of accidentally missing the count down cause we’re stupid.

Driving with open containers, yikes!

So we go BACK to the convenience store, bemoaning that the 20s party was so fucking cool and goddamnit Lily. I buy $30 worth of beer. We head to the apartments, but by the time we arrive, it’s 5 minutes till midnight. 

Grace grabs her beer and I grab the wine, and we sprint to the river where it’s lit up by twinkle lights and a giant lit Santa. We try to pop open the wine with Grace’s pocket knife, but with 10 seconds we give and countdown with the swanky apartment people screaming from their balconies. We scream back and then head back to the car cause Danya coming down to take us in. 

We follow Danya (whom I met this summer when I had dinner with Lily (and then Grace crashed it)) and she’s awesome. Love her. We meet her boyfriend, Valentine, who’s super chill and a total sweetheart. The rest of the party is a fancily dressed mix of a crowd. Some people are swimming in a pool on the balcony. Some people are smoking and taking in the view. 

My wine gets opened and I drink a full red cup pretty quickly while we talk on the balcony. At one point, in the kitchen, a man introduces himself and we start talking, but Grace is visibly not into this guy, but I feel bad cause he’s alone and he’s obviously not hitting on either of us. All of sudden she exclaims, “Oh my god, we totally forgot to take that picture, you know, on the balcony...god, bye!” It was obvious, but I went along with it cause I didn’t want to be a shit. We did take pics with the view. 

By 1pm, I’m nice and drunk. I’m reimbursed for the beer as we set up another game of beer pong. We all fucking suck though, but I get super competitive. We end up grabbing the party stragglers--a real random assortment of fantastic people--and play a big game of flip cup which after a couple of rounds, I bow out of rounds cause I’M WASTED and I become “judge” or whatever. I’m really flirty with the guy next to me who is sooo my type (tall, dark, reedy, and cute), but that’s when the apartment security comes up and tells us we need to clean our shit and shut the party down. 

Everyone cleans up and Valentine is laughing his big laugh saying, “I bet you all did not think you’d have to clean when you came here.” But I’m such a happy drunk, that I dance as I clean, and it’s super fun, and everyone takes random pics (especially on someone’s phone they left behind). Lovely ending. 

Danya offered to let us crash at her apartment earlier because I expected to stay at Lily’s, but by the end of the night I just drunkenly followed Grace to her car. We tried to figure out what to do with me (she didn’t want to drive “all the way to Austin” to drop me off (she ~apparently was sober enough to drive) because I live way out in the country, so it takes a hot minute to get home). My brother, miraculously, responds to my text about the house code, and when I ask if he can pick me up...says yes?! 

Nick...being unselfish and so generous???

He says he’s leaving right away and he’ll get there (Grace’s parent’s house...cause her living situation is out-of-whack at the moment) in 30 minutes. 

The perfect amount of time to smoke some of Grace’s dad’s weed.

She shows me how to roll a joint (yeah, I don’t know how to do any of that because either someone packs or rolls for me, or I buy edibles or pre-rolls), and we smoke outside. It’s good shit and makes me so, so . happy. Happier than even before. Giggly. We talk about love and shit. 

Nick arrives and he’s still at that weird level mood. He never emotes more than just...chill calm. Which isn’t bad! It’s just...not what the first 21 years of my life with Nick felt like. Nick was crazy and just such a...boy. Obnoxious. Loud. Charming. Hilarious. Annoying. Wild. Silly. A total weirdo and my best friend. Sorry, sorry. I’m still angsty about this change cause I don’t understand it, but I’m grateful he went all the way into city to pick me up. 

The whole way home I’m chatting and laughing breathlessly. Nick doesn’t seem annoyed even though I know perfectly well that I can get super obnoxious when stoned. Also, I learned two nights ago that I slur? 

We get home. I eat some leftover chicken cold. I lie down for a minute, scrolling through instagram when I get a wave of dizziness. Calmly, I get up and go to the restroom with my phone where I chill by the toilet until I inevitably puke my guts out. Then I clean up, brush my teeth, and head to bed. 

Great night overall. A+

New Year’s Resolutions: stay focused. get into grad school. stop feeling so angsty about vituem/oir and come what may. stop feeling angst about nick and his personality change that i wasn’t around to witness. stop feeling angst about how things ended with N. and be proud of the extraordinary person used to be my best friend and whom I still love. start working out. write. paint. travel. kiss new people. continue therapy and building self-confidence. be kind to myself every day. 

[silhouetted-beauty]

“Run-In” - Part 4

Genre: MILD GRAPHIC CONTENT, Angst, and Smut

Word Count: 8,019

A/N: There is a graphic scene in this chapter and can be triggering… (I think) Please read at your own risk.

 Theme Song for this Chapter- “Ven ft. Beenzino- On Your Body”

You fell, face-first, on your bed in exhaustion. Finally you had a moment to yourself to rest. You and Yoongi had been kicking it into overdrive, fucking everywhere and majority of the time. He would just randomly pop up to fuck you and you, like a horny teenager, are always willing and ready for him. He had showed up one day when you were out to lunch with Hyolyn thus making you return with the ‘I just had sex’ look. He would fuck you in his car after a meeting and some times before no matter if it’s daytime or night. Then he would just show up out of nowhere to your apartment. And it didn’t matter if you were sleep, in the shower, or eating, when Yoongi showed up you had to drop everything and fuck him. You haven’t been back to his club since the last time and he wouldn’t let you come back, said that you being there was bad for business.

You rolled your eyes at the thought, turning over on your side. Since you two have been getting along so well, you also were often running into his friends. You finally introduced yourself to Namjoon and Hoseok and quickly came to the conclusion that you liked them. They reminded you of silly older brothers and the fact that they occasionally bugged Yoongi, made you like them even more.

“Y/n, what do you see in this jerk?” Hoseok asked one day, nodding his head in Yoongi’s direction.

“Yeah I’m sure you can find someone a lot better to please you,” Namjoon stated, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you closer to him. “Like me.” He whispered in your ear but loud enough for Yoongi to hear. You blushed, not knowing what to say. But before you could respond, Yoongi pulled you away from his friends, leaving them laughing at his instant jealousy. Not that he would ever admit it.

A few times, he would invite you out with them. And while they were in a meeting, you waited patiently indulging in whatever was around. You at least got to hang out with them for a little bit before Yoongi pulled you away from everyone. Those evenings always ended with Yoongi fucking you.

The alarm on your phone went off and you struggled to get up. Your ass was beyond sore from all the hard spankings Yoongi released on your behind an hour ago. Now you had to get up and get dressed for work, waddling and limping to the bathroom. At work, you took your time moving about the store. You made sure not to bump against anything and if you needed to kneel down, you avoided touching your ass with the heels of your feet.

Mina laughed at you. “Wow y/n, your boyfriend really did a number on you, huh?”

You looked at her confused. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that the sex must have been great because you are limping around.”

“Oh!” You giggled. “Yes, it was amazing but he’s not my boyfriend. Just a guy I’m seeing.”

“Ohh… it’s one of those relationships. Friends with benefits,” Mina sighed. “Sex with someone you know you’re not supposed to be with, is always adventurous and exciting. My ex always knew how to please me. He would balance it between making love and rough sex. When we made love, he took his time catering to my body. But with rough sex… let’s just say those were some of the longest but best nights ever! Just last week we had a quick moment,” she giggled to herself. “That man is unbelievable.”

Now it was your turn to sigh. “Why don’t you two just get back together? You are giggling like a little schoolgirl over him.”“

"One day, I will introduce you to him.”

“Good, because when you do, I’m telling him how in love you are with him. It’s like a schoolyard crush.” You laughed.

~~~~~

Yoongi ran his hands threw his hair as read over the files in front of him. His family owned a lot of property which meant they controlled a lot of people. They foresaw any transactions on drugs in the city, they owned clubs, restaurants, and other small businesses. The responsibility on his shoulders was a lot but he handled it like he was the one who first started everything. His brother and father were elsewhere, looking to expand their businesses to other cities in the country.

“Playboy Min!” Namjoon shouted as he entered the office. “Even with all the pussy you get on a regular basis, you still seemed stressed.”

Yoongi tossed the paper on the desk and leaned back in his chair. He rubbed his face taking a deep breath. Hoseok, who was sitting at the desk, did the same. Taking a break from the files he was looking at.

“I think I gotta make a few stops at a couple businesses. Make an example out of them for not paying the full amount of what’s due.”

“I think you need you call y/n up and have her come over so you can relax. Withholding money is what these small businesses have been doing for the past year. It’s not worth getting upset over.” Namjoon stated looking at the paperwork.

“It maybe a little but over time, those dollar amounts add up.”

“Ok, then let’s take a drive by each one, if it will make you feel better.” Namjoon said, placing his hands in his pants pocket. “So how’s that situation going?”

“What do you mean?” Yoongi asked, picking up another paper to look over it.

“The situation with y/n. I gotta tell you, Yoongi, I thought you were biting off more than you could chew getting involved with her. But it’s been a couple months and I gotta admit she’s not as bad as I thought.”

“Well I’m only keeping her around so I could get information on the police.”

“And have you?” Hoseok questioned.

“Not yet, I need her to open up to me before I starting asking about the family. Otherwise, I’m sure she’ll get suspicious.”

Yoongi’s phone rung out. He looked at it and before answering. “The main woman in my life that likes to call and bug the hell out of me for fun.” He slid his finger across the screen.

“Yes, mom,” Yoongi rolled his eyes making Namjoon chuckled. His attitude quickly changed to a panic after hearing her frantic voice. “Whoa! Whoa! Slow down and repeat that.”

Yoongi stood to his feet alerting everyone around him. He listened carefully as she repeated it over. Yoongi shook his head in disbelief, trying to control his anxiety from taking over.

“L-Let me call you back.” He hung up the phone, her cries cut short. Lowering the phone from his face, Yoongi was frozen like a statue.

“Yo man, what’s up?” Hoseok asked concerned. Yoongi took a deep breath and looked up at his friends.

“That was my mom… she said that my brother was killed,” Yoongi stated in a shaky voice. Hoseok’s and Namjoon’s eyes widen at the news. “My brother is gone… he’s gone…”

Yoongi picked up the statue off of his desk, the same statue that you had hit him with. In anger, he threw it at the giant window listening as the loud sound of glass breaking filled the room. People in the club panicked, as the shattering glass fell down on them. They ran to the exit as fast they could, causing a stampede. Yoongi went on a rampage, destroying everything under his touch. Namjoon and Hoseok quickly went to restrain him.

“LET ME FUCKING GO!!!” He screamed in pain as tears fell from his eyes. He couldn’t believe it. He refused to accept the fact that his brother was gone.

They pulled him down on the couch, listening to him weep. Yoongi cover his face in his hands trying to keep from losing his mind. His head was racing with thoughts on what might have happened. Namjoon sat with Yoongi as Hoseok got up to look for his phone, which was ringing nonstop. He managed to find it under the debris items that were now no good. He answered as quickly as he could.

“Hello?… Hi Mrs. Min… yes this is Hoseok,” he listened for a minute, looking over at Yoongi broken figure. “No ma'am, he’s in bad shape… ok, I’ll give him the phone.” Hoseok held the phone for Yoongi to take. He took it, taking a deep breath to control his voice.

“Yeah,” he sniffed.

“Your father has called a meeting. Everyone is ordered to come here now. We’re leaving town in thirty minutes.” She spoke quickly.

“What happened?” He asked, ignoring her statement.

“He went to meet with a guy, but the guy rat him out to the police. They were on him in seconds, executing him on the spot.” She sobbed. Yoongi’s blood boiled just listening to her cry.

“Who was it? Who’s the guy and who is the pig bastard that shot him?” His voice was sharp and cold. His friends knew that Yoongi would be out looking for blood and this wasn’t just a simple kill. When Yoongi got like this, everyone the person was associated with was dead. Their children, their parents, family, and friends. It’s was about to be a massacre.

“Yoongi, we will deal with that accordingly. But for now, we are going to see your brother’s partner. He was the one that called your father but he was also supposed to be with him at that meeting. That’s all can say. Get over here now.”

Yoongi hung up the phone and stood to leave. “Close down the club. We’ll be leaving town for awhile. Go home, pack, and meet me at my parents place.”

He told his men before walking out of the office.

~~~

Car after car was parked out on the street surrounding the Min Estate. Everyone was dressed in all black, waiting on their orders from the boss. Yoongi paced the floor while his mother calmly sipped her wine. She was dressed in black too, ready to stand beside her husband and son. Mina held on to her hand watching Yoongi walk back and forth. When he called her, she was up in seconds waiting on him to pick her up. They may have been broken up but she wanted to be there for him.

Moments later, his father entered the room with thirty men in tow. Everyone stood as he walked by. Yoongi went to greet him, bowing as he stood in front of him.

“Welcome back, dad. Did you have a safe trip?”

He nodded removing his coat. “Yes. I take it, you’ve been taking care of everything here,” he asked and Yoongi nodded. “For safety reasons, I want you to double check everything and move on my say-so. I don’t want to lose you like I lost your brother.”

Yoongi’s mother put her glass down and stood. “When will those fucking pigs release my baby? I want to see him.”

He took his wife’s hands in his. “His body will be delivered tomorrow and we will have the funeral five days later.”

“What do you need me to do?” Yoongi spoke up.

“I need you to travel back to the neighboring district and speak with, John, his partner. For whatever reason, John didn’t show up for the meeting.”

“Yes, sir,” he signaled to his men. “Let’s go.”

~~~

John was asleep in his bed. He turned on his side to reach for his wife but she wasn’t there. His faced contorted in confusion as he continued to feel the cold sheets for her. In a panic, he sat up in bed and turned on the table side lamp. Yoongi was sitting in a chair close to the bed, wiping off a gun. He didn’t look up at John when he woke up, he just simply spoke.

“Glad to see you’re awake.”

John looked over and saw that not only did they have his wife tied up and blindfolded but also his two little girls. They were forced to kneel while Yoongi’s men surrounded them.

“Oh God! Please don’t hurt them!” He cried out.

Yoongi finally looked at him. “That’s really up to you,” he stood and walked over to the bedroom window.

“I’m really sorry about your brother, I really am. I blame myself for what happened. I told your father that I’ll take full responsibility.”

“Yeah you seem really stricken with grief,” Yoongi replied smartly. “That’s why you’re resting comfortably in bed instead of trying to help us,” he knocked over the dresser causing everything on top to fall over in a mess. The girls screamed out in fear. “I swear to God if you repeat such a stupid thing to me again, you could kiss your youngest goodbye!”

“Ok ok, I’m sorry! Please don’t hurt them.” John begged with his hands up in defense.

“I want to know who was he meeting with and why didn’t you show up?”

“The guy’s name is BigE.”

“BigE?” Yoongi asked confused.

“Yeah, I was on my way to the rendezvous when a car pulled me over. Five guys jumped out claiming to be BigE’s men. They handed me a suitcase full of money and drove off. When I arrived to the scene, the police was there and your brother was dead. I’m sorry, I tried to get through to him but they arrested me.”

“Where’s the case?”

John pointed to a small silver case in the corner. Yoongi picked it up. Right away he could tell something was off about it. It was heavier than the average case with just money.

“How do you know money is in this? Did you open it?”

John seemed taken aback by the questions. “Well no, but what else could it be?”

Yoongi handed the case to one of his men. “Do you have an address for BigE? Where does he stay?

"I have a location for his ex wife.” John scribbled something down on a piece of paper and handed it to Yoongi.

“If the address is a fake or if I find out that you’re lying to me, I’m gonna come back and make you watch me put a bullet in each of your daughters and your wife. And then I will kill you. You got that?!”

Yoongi left the house leaving one of his men to stay behind.

~~~

BigE climbed out of bed to go to the kitchen. He reached in the fridge and pulled out a beer, checking to make sure the gun on top was secure in place. Being an informant for the police, not only put his life in danger but also his family and he wanted to make sure they were protected. Him and his estranged ex wife had their differences and he wasn’t too happy when she took the kids and left. But with the money he made that day, he could afford to take them all on a long vacation.

He walked into the living room, taking a seat on the couch. He took a swig of beer only to be knocked upside his head. When he looked up, he was surrounded by four men. They covered his mouth and dragged him out of the house, throwing him down on the cold concrete. Yoongi slowly paced back and forth looking at his Rolex.

“5… 4… 3… 2… 1…”

BigE watched in horror as the living room exploded into pieces. The fire slowly spread to other parts of the house. He could hear his ex wife screaming for help as the fire trapped her in the bedroom. It wasn’t long before he heard his kids screaming for help too. He struggled to get up as their little voices yelled and cried at the top of their lungs. And soon the only sounds that could be heard, was the roaring of the fire. BigE tried to get up but Yoongi pointed a gun his face.

“I’m not ready for you to die just yet but I promise that you will be joining your family soon enough.”

The men placed BigE in the back of a black van. Yoongi walked over to his private car and climbed in. He pulled out his phone and called Hoseok to make sure everything was set up. They headed to an abandoned warehouse at the edge of town. BigE was already tied down to a chair when Yoongi had arrived. He walked up, handing his coat to one of the guys.

“Now that we finally have some privacy, we can talk.”

“Fuck you, Min! The police will come looking for me when they know I’m missing. You might as well give up.”

Yoongi laughed. “I’m not worry about the police. I’m not worried about anybody coming to disturb us but if you like, you can scream for help.” BigE looked intimidated but tried not to show it. “Come on, do it. I’ll do it too. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! SOMEBODY HELP! COME SAVE BIG-E!!!! PLEASE!” Yoongi screamed out with his head tossed back, making sure his voice echoed around the empty warehouse. He looked back down at BigE.

“I guess that means we are all alone. Now are you ready to answer my questions?”

“Fuck you!” He spit on the ground in front of Yoongi. “I’m not saying shit!”

Yoongi didn’t say another word. He searched BigE’s pockets, pulling out a pack of cigarettes before he grabbed a gas can and poured a little on his bare feet. Yoongi put the cigarette to his mouth and lit it, a cloud of smoke surrounded his face as he exhaled. He flicked the stick of nicotine, igniting his feet. BigE yelled in pain as flames burned off his skin. Namjoon and Hoseok, as well as the rest of the crew, watched the graphic scene. The smell of burn flesh filled everyone senses.

“I guess this must have been what your family felt before they were melted to ash, huh?” Yoongi laughed. “Are you ready to talk now? I can always burn off more body parts.” BigE nodded and Yoongi signaled for them to put out the fire.

“I want to know why… why did you set my brother up? Where did you get the case with the bomb?”

BigE groaned from the pain as he tried to talk. “The police… the police raided my hideout. I didn’t know it was a bomb. They just told me to give the case to John and to trap your brother.”

Yoongi and his friends shared a confused look before he turned his attention back to BigE.

“Do you really expect me to believe that cops set you up?”

“They did! They even paid me! I was told to leave town with my family!”

“Ok, who was it?”

“I don’t know who they were. They weren’t the cops we usually see around here. They seemed more like thugs in suits. The one that shot your brother was wearing a suit too, not a uniform.”

“But you don’t know his name?” Yoongi asked. BigE shook his head. “Well, thanks anyway.”

Yoongi, Hoseok, and Namjoon walked away as the rest of the guys dealt with BigE. They lit him on fire until his charred body remained. He was then chopped up and burned again and his ashes were scattered into the nearby river. Within a couple of hours, everyone was back at home and the death of one family seemed as though it was caused by ghosts. Yoongi got out of bed, leaving Mina to sleep quietly. He reached for his phone and dialed Namjoon’s number, listening to it ring until the sleepy voice of his friend came on the line.

“Hello?”

“I had been thinking…”

“No no no, don’t you ever get any sleep?” Namjoon groaned.

“Sleep is for the dead. Now as I was saying before you interrupted me, I had been thinking and I wanted your thoughts. What do you think of his accusation about the police?”

“I mean it was strange. When do you hear about the police using their intel as bait to kill off mobsters? That was the first time for me.”

Yoongi sighed. He had a bad feeling about the entire situation. “Something’s not right about this and I’m willing to bet my entire fortune just to prove it.”

“What do you want to do?”

“Meet me at the office downtown first thing in the morning. And bring Hoseok too.”

“You got it! Now gets some sleep before you turn into an old man.”

Yoongi hung up the phone just as he heard Namjoon laugh. Instead of going to bed, he stared out of his large window at the moon. He didn’t know why but killing his brother was just the beginning. The beginning of what?

~~~

The funeral was held on a cold and rainy day. The dark clouds kept the sun away preventing the light from shining through. Yoongi was really out of it after seeing his brother in a casket. He was grateful that the bullet to the back of his head didn’t exit through the front. He wanted to see his brother one last time and was relieved that he could. Yoongi chuckled shaking his head, reminiscing about all the times they had growing up. No matter how hard their father was on him, his brother was there for support. Yoongi wanted to be just like him but his brother told him to grow up and be himself. “Dad will be proud when he sees what a man you have become. I guess you didn’t need to be like me after all”. He reached out and touched the cold hand.

“I’m sorry. I can’t imagine what you went through the last couple minutes before you were killed. But I promise you that whoever is responsible, will die. I will send them your way so you could finish the score.”

Now they all stood at the graveside. His mother crying into his father’s arms, Hoseok and Namjoon were on his left and Mina stood on his right, and the rest of their family and friends surrounded them. Yoongi stared as they lowered the glossy wooden box into the ground. He was trying like hell to keep his anger at bay. His brother shouldn’t be the one to lie in a cold grave for eternity. No, he planned on bringing enough pain and death to whoever was involved.

Mina held on tight to his arm. She could feel his body tense up and became worried. She didn’t want Yoongi to get himself in trouble or worst, wind up dead. During the Repast, he kept to himself except for a few conversations with his friends and father. He gave her attention but she could also feel him withdrawing away from her. As much as Mina wanted to comfort Yoongi, she gave him space hoping that he would open up to her but it was just like before. He wasn’t really there. She sighed and went to talk to his mother who embraced her.

“Give him time, sweetheart. He is just grieving the lost of his brother, they were very close.” His mother stated wiping away tears.

“And what about the days when he’s not grieving? I thought that this would bring us closer together but maybe it’s time to let go. I want to be with him but he treats me like I don’t exist.”

“Just give him time. Yoongi has his own way for going about things.”

Mina looked over at him. He had his phone out and his attention was into that. Yoongi sent you a quick message before leaving from the ceremony.

~~~~~

You were on your couch watching TV when a message came through on your phone.

7:13pm- The Big Asshole: I’m on my way, be ready for me!

You had rushed to the kitchen making sure everything was ready. You haven’t seen or spoke to Yoongi in six days and you wanted to do something special. You two had grown a little closer in a short period of time and he wasn’t as bad as you thought. Your feelings had changed and you were starting to like him. You found yourself smiling at the thought of him and reminiscing on all the past sexual experiences you two shared. You even wanted to dial his number just to hear his voice, no matter if he was annoyed or not. So you had prepared a meal for him, liquor for him to drink and relax, and you even had on a little surprise under your robe. Hoping that maybe you two could take your relationship to the next level tonight. You planned for this moment three days ago when he disappeared. You went shopping for lingerie for him to rip off and toys from an adult store for him to use on you.

You smiled and quivered with anticipation. You were starting to suffer from withdrawals without him. Hearing your front door open and close made you straighten up your posture. You were waiting on him to enter the kitchen and finally he did. He was dressed up and you wondered where he had been. Yoongi looked around the kitchen and then his eyes focused on you.

“I thought I said to be ready.” His deep voice spoke. You could hear the irritation in his voice but chose to ignore it.

“Well I thought we could have dinner and a drink first.” You replied, gesturing towards the table where everything was set up. “I wanted us to take things a little slow. We could eat and talk because there was something I wanted to say–”

Yoongi immediately swiped his arm across the table, knocking everything over. You watched in horror as the food you cooked made a mess over the floor.

“I told you to be ready, not to do all this romantic shit!” He yelled in anger.

“B-But… but I thought–” you stuttered as tears filled your eyes.

“I hope you aren’t insinuating that this could be anything more than just sex.” He gauged your reaction and when you didn’t deny it that confirmed his suspicions. “You thought I liked you?!” He grabbed his head in disbelief, laughing sarcastically. You could slowly feel your heart breaking. “Let me remind you so that this stupid idea doesn’t cross your brain again. You mean NOTHING to me! NOTHING! I only want you for one thing and if you didn’t feel so good wrapped around me, I definitely wouldn’t be here! Now if you can’t control your fucking hormones then just say the word and I’ll leave.”

You wrapped your arms around yourself and looked down at the mess on the floor. This was not what you had imagined at all. If he didn’t want to be with you, he could have said it without making you feel so low.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” You sniffed.

The moment the last word left your mouth, you were being lifted in the air. Yoongi thrown you over his shoulder and carried you to your bedroom. The entire time, you felt a pull at your chest. You had offered your body without your heart and that really bothered you. He tossed you on the bed and climbed on top of you. He roughly kissed you, moving down to your neck so he could plant hickeys on your skin. Your moves, however, became mechanical. Responding without feeling because your mind was elsewhere.

Yoongi opened up your robe, immediately liking the view. He nibbled at your smooth skin waiting to hear that sweet sound of your voice but nothing came out. He sat up and the look on your face made him stop his actions. You stared up at the ceiling, breathing calmly but deeply. He watched as tears spilled from your eyes. Knowing that he was watching and you had to hold back how you felt made your interior wall break. Unable to hold in your emotions, you burst into tears. You covered your face with your hands as you cried. Yoongi was taken aback by your sudden change in attitude. He didn’t know what to say or do so he got up and left. You felt the bed shift and then heard the front door close. You grabbed the nearest pillow and cried into it. You didn’t know why it hurt so badly but it did.

~~~

It had been a week and you haven’t heard from Yoongi. Not a single call or text. Deep down you knew he was avoiding you and the thought ate at you. You felt like shit. Being ignored because of your feelings for someone. You didn’t want to think about it anymore. You grabbed your phone and called, Riku, a girl who you used to work with. She was an absolute party animal and was very obnoxious. She was warned for her rude attitude towards the customers five times and was eventually fired. She also used to brag about the different guys she had every week and tell you about her sex escapades all the time. Hyolyn didn’t like her and thought she was bad news, so did your family when you told them about her. After Riku was fired, the two of you only talked when you both made plans for going out.

You squeezed into a tight hot pink dress that hugged your curves. You put on your black heels and made sure your hair and makeup was perfect before you had Riku pick you up. Because you didn’t want any other problems, you avoided going to Yoongi’s lounge and instead, had Riku picked the destination. When the car pulled up to the club, you could hear the music from the outside. People were everywhere, drunk and sober. Riku found a spot and parked the car. The two of you got out and walked over to the line. Four guys came and stood next to you. You watched as Riku instantly greeted and hugged them, pushing her body up against them. She introduced them as her friends and also invited them out to hang with you. A part of you knew that there was a good chance she probably already slept with them. Three of the guys stood around her while the other one showed interest in you. He asked you a lot of questions and your thoughts on different topics. The conversation was never boring and you found it refreshing. Once inside the club, you all were seated at a booth. You were going to stick to your usual cocktails but Riku wasn’t having it.

“Sorry, y/n. But we’re only drinking shots tonight. We gotta loosen you up!”

Everyone cheered and you couldn’t help but blush a little. The first five shots were nothing. The next five made you tipsy. The five shots after had you slumped over, seeing three of everything. Riku tried to hand you another drink but you ended up spilling it due to your inebriated body. The guy who you were talking to moved closer to you.

“Hey, are you alright?” You looked over at all three versions of him.

“Yeeeaaah, I ammm okaaay.”

“Good, for a second I thought you were done partying.” He smirked looking over at Riku and his friends. They were all smiling, watching him make his move. He moved even closer placing his hand on your thigh, slowly moving his hand up your leg. Your inner self was screaming to get up but you felt weighed down. You were way too drunk for your liking.

“Excuuuuse meee.” You slurred.

You knew you must have looked like a fool as you stumbled away. But you had to leave, something just didn’t feel right. The guy snapped his fingers at his lost.

“Dammit! I was so close.”

“I thought you said that your friend puts out, Riku?” One of his friends asked.

“She does! We didn’t get her drunk for nothing. You just have to wait.” She stated irritatingly. Now that you had left, she had to deal with all four of them and that wasn’t her plan. She quickly spotted someone in the crowd that was in dire need of her attention and got up.

~~~~~

Yoongi was there to meet a good friend of his father’s to talk business. He hadn’t even been inside the club, two minutes before he was being harassed.

“Min Yoongi…”

“What do you want, Riku?” He asked in irritation as he continued walking to the back of the club.

“I just wanted to say 'hello’.”

“And now that you have, don’t break your cute little ass walking back to wherever you just came from. You know you won’t be able to sell pussy of you do.”

Riku pouted. “I’m not a hooker, Yoongi! You should know that.”

“That’s not what Namjoon told me. Or Hoseok.” He chuckled walking behind a door only meant for staff.

Riku huffed, stomping her heels as she walked away. Yoongi walked further into the back, entered the elevator that lead to a private upper office. He found an older man sitting at his desk looking over paperwork. He went to make himself a drink before taking a seat in a leather chair.

“You look like shit, Min.” The man said still staring at the papers in front of him. “When was the last time you got a good night sleep?”

“Sleep is for the dead.” Yoongi replied sipping the expensive liquor.

“How’s the old man? Tell him I’ll have what he asked for in a few days.”

“I’m not here for that. I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Did you run this by your father?”

“For now, I’d like to keep him out of this.” Yoongi took a big swallow of his drink, finishing it off.

The man finally looked up. “Let’s hear it.”

~~~

Yoongi waited for the elevator to come up so he could leave. He recounted the conversation he just had over in his head. He knew what he was doing would pay off in the future. He smiled to himself and stepped on. His thoughts went to you and the last encounter he had with you. Yoongi knew he crossed the line shutting you down like that. He should have said it another way, something less hurtful but he didn’t know how. He channeled his anger from the funeral and took it out on you. Even now, the image of you crying clouded his mind. He refused to admit the fact that he felt guilty about the entire thing which was he stayed away. He shook his head and walked back through the club, heading for the exit. Yoongi had pulled out his phone, about to make a call when something caught his eye outside. Four guys were surrounding one girl, trying to get her to leave with them. The girl was sitting on the ground slumped over against the building. It was clear that she was drunk off her ass. Yoongi shook his head and got into his car.

“Dumb broad.” He mumbled to himself.

He drove by them, about to pull out of the lot when one of the guys pulled the girl up to lean on him. Yoongi was now able to get a good look at her face. It was you. He quickly pulled the car over with a loud screech and hopped out. He wasn’t sure why he reacted this way but he wasn’t about to let you leave in the condition you were in. He walked over, grabbing all four guy’s attention.

“Thank you gentlemen but this one is spoken for. I’ll take it from here.” Yoongi stated confidently. The guys looked at each other in confusion but held their ground.

“No way, man! She’s a friend of ours and she is come back with us!” One replied.

“Yeah, we’re just waiting on Riku then we are leaving.” Another one spoke. The moment Yoongi heard Riku’s name, he definitely wasn’t letting you out of his sight. Just the thought of you hanging out with that whore made him mad. You were honestly better than that.

“Listen closely because I’m only going to repeat myself once. You can either put her in my car, or put her back on the ground but she is not leaving with you.”

“And who are you? Another asshole ex boyfriend trying to save the day?” The guy asked sarcastically.

Yoongi stepped closer to him. “And if I was, what were you going to do about it?”

The guy was about to say something when Yoongi pulled out a gun and pointed it at his head. The guys immediately became afraid and placed you back on the ground where you were. You were mumbling something nobody could understand. They guys took off, running as far as they can away from the club. Yoongi put the gun away and carried you over to his car. Once you were secured in the passenger seat. He climbed in and drove off, heading to your apartment. Along the ride, the movement of the car shook you awake. You were still feeling the effects of the alcohol but you were alert. Looking over, you were surprise to see who was sitting next to you.

“Y-Yoongi?”

“Who were you expecting? Your four 'friends’ ready to run a train on you?” He replied smartly, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Yoongi…. Yoongi….” you repeated numbly, feeling a little car sick.

Yoongi looked at your face and instantly pulled the car over. He got out and rushed over to get your door open. You vomited over the pavement, trying empty your stomach.

“I don’t believe this shit!” He mumbled to himself, sitting on the hood of the car.

He listened as you groaned in sickness. You had coughed up the rest of the contents and now you had rid your body of the toxic liquid. You were still a little drunk but at least you were feeling better. You pulled yourself up, straightening yourself in the passenger seat. Agitated, Yoongi got back in the car and sped off.

He helped you inside your apartment, dragging you to your bedroom. He stripped you out of your clothes and heels and carried you to the tub. Placing you inside, he turn on the water, hoping it would sober you up. You slowly opened your eyes, hazily gazing up at him.

“Hey asshole…” you giggled drunkenly.”That’s your name in my phone.“

"How nice.” Yoongi stated sarcastically, straighten out his clothes.

“Your name is Yoongi, right?… I’m fucking this guy named Yoongi but you wouldn’t like him. He is the biggest asshole on the planet earth.” You stated trying to sit up, splashing water everywhere, even on Yoongi. He was getting pissed by the second. He wasn’t in the mood to play babysitter. When he looked over at you, you had a sick look displayed on your face again. He pulled you out of the water, bringing you to the toilet to throw up.

“How much did your ass drink?!”

You fell against the toilet in exhaustion. “I didn’t have that much. I had fifteen shots then Riku said we needed to party more so I had five more.” You groaned. “Ugh! I feel like shit.”

Yoongi chuckled. “You look like shit.”

He looked back down at you and saw that you were passed out, on the verge of falling inside the toilet. He took a towel, wet it, and wiped your face. He picked you up, bridal style and the movement shook you awoke briefly. You held on to him tightly, not wanting to let him go.

“Thank you.” You whispered to him as tears ran down your cheeks.

Yoongi placed you in bed, pulling the covers over your naked body. He stared down at your sleeping form and smiled to himself. You were such a pain in his ass yet he wasn’t sure why he continued to let you get away with it. He leaned forward and wiped away the tears before walking out of the room.

You woke a couple hours later, sitting up in bed. It scared you when you woke up naked in a dark room. But you didn’t feel any pain between your legs and upon further inspection, you realized you were in your room. You grabbed your robe off the chair and put it on. You walked out of your bedroom into the living room. You freeze when you spot a dark figure on your couch. You immediately reach for anything to use as a weapon and turned on the lights.

“Yoongi?” You asked stunned. “What are you doing here?”

He sat up rubbing his eyes trying to adjust to the light. Yoongi decided to stay because he wasn’t sure if you would be okay on your own in the state you were in. But seeing how you were back to your annoying self, he should have gone home. He stood to leave but you stopped him.

“You’re not going to answer?”

“What do you want me to say? You should be the one thanking me right now. If I didn’t show up, you would have become another whore like Riku and I don’t touch damaged goods.” He joked. You frown in confusion. The last thing you remembered was drinking with Riku and her friends.

“I… don’t…” you tried to get the words out.

“Oh and by the way, stay away from Riku. You wouldn’t want people to think you’re two of a kind. I may not be there to save your bratty ass next time.”

You were trying to think of everything that happened that night but your anger was rising. The last time Yoongi was there, he made it known that you were just his sex toy but now you learned that he carried you home, drunk and tucked you into bed. Something completely out of character for him and you didn’t understand why he did it. You weren’t going to let your guard down a second time just for him to hurt you again.

“Why did you save me the first time? Instead of just leaving once you got me home, why did you stay?”

Yoongi raised an eyebrow at you. “Are you saying that you want to be taken advantage of by a couple of creeps?”

“I’m saying, make up your mind! What do you want! You told me that I mean nothing to you yet you try to control my life! You know what, Yoongi? Fuck you! I think you’re just scared to be nice and care for me!”

Yoongi walked closer staring down at you but you stared back, standing strong. His intimidation tactics no longer worked on you and you weren’t afraid of him either. Now you wanted answers. Yoongi didn’t know what to say because he was confused as well. He didn’t have any feelings for you but he was definitely treating you different, he couldn’t deny that.

“Watch who you are talking to.”

“Fine! If you’re not going to talk to me then I changed my mind. I’m not fucking you anymore!” You stated with your hands on your hips.

The look of surprise flashed across Yoongi’s face. Out of all the things to say, he wasn’t expecting you to say that. You, denying him for sex? Yeah, right! He could tell that you wanted him just as bad. In all actuality, your defiance was turning him on big time. His mind was working out a plan to get everything to work in his favor.

“How about we go out to dinner tomorrow night and you can ask all little questions until you’re satisfied.”

You thought it over, not fully moved by his offer. “And what do you get in return?”

Yoongi raised his hand to your shoulder, slowly moving your robe aside. Your heartbeat sped up and you could feel the wetness gathering between your legs. He lowered his head, licking the base of your neck. You moaned, moving your head to the side allowing him access to your skin. He planted wet kisses along your neck, leaving dark marks along the way. His hands undid your robe, letting it fall to the floor. You stood before him naked while he was still fully clothed. Yoongi lifted your leg in the air, giving him admission to your wet center. You leaned against the nearest wall and watched as he licked two fingers, moving them closer to your heat. You moaned as you felt them penetrate you. Yoongi fucked you on his fingers, rubbing his thumb against your clit. You drooled, getting lost in complete ecstasy. He definitely had the magic touch. You were getting so wet, you were starting to drip down your leg.

“And you always try to put up a front like you don’t want my dick inside you. Look how wet you are.” He teased, adding a third finger.

You were a moaning mess. Grabbing onto him for support as he drove his fingers inside you repeatedly. Eventually, your legs went out but Yoongi held you steady, increasing his pace. You wrapped your arms around his neck crying into his shoulder as you were on the verge of cumming. Yoongi’s cock twitched in his pants at your sweet voice. He needed to be inside you now before he lost his mind. He removed his hand causing you to whine and pout. He made you undress him first before he led you over to the couch. Sitting down, he held his cock straight up for you.

“Ride me.”

You eagerly obliged, straddling his legs so you were position right over his crotch. You managed to get the tip inside you before Yoongi became too impatient and slammed you down. His thick girth invaded your walls, making both of you moan out. He leaned his head back against the couch enjoying the feeling. You felt amazing wrapped around him and he loved every minute of it. You leaned back, holding on to his knees as you moved his cock in and out of you. Yoongi lifted his head to stare at your breasts as they bounced in his face. Your head was tossed back and your mouth hung open. He wrapped one arm around your waist holding you still while his other hand grabbed your hair, yanking your head further back. He began thrust his hips upward, sliding his cock in and out at an increasingly fast pace. Yoongi peppered kisses on your neck as he spoke.

“Why don’t you ever behave like a good girl, huh?” He groaned into your skin. “Why do you always test my patience with that smart ass mouth of yours? Do you misbehave because you love fucking yourself on my dick?”

You were too far gone to speak. The words were lodged in your throat and refused to come out. But the pull on your hair made you release a loud gasped.

“Yes!… Yes Yoongi! I misbehave because I love it when you punish me.”

“Yeah?” He asked letting his hips move faster. “Does that mean you belong to me?”

You whimpered, feeling your orgasm approaching. “Yes.”

“I didn’t hear you. Who do you fucking belong to, y/n?”

He yanked your head causing you to scream out as you came, releasing a guttural moan. “YOU! I BELONG TO YOU!… OH GOD!!!”

He felt your pussy spazzing around him and he bit his lip at the feeling. Your body trembled as you fell onto of him limply. Yoongi held you close, flooding your walls with his DNA. You both remained that way as you caught your breaths.

“Were you seriously about dinner tomorrow night?”

Yoongi rolled his eyes and moved you off of him so he could get dress. “Why not.”

You smiled to yourself. For once the two of you were going to be together and sex wasn’t involved. You knew that nothing has probably changed between you and him, but at least this was a step in the right direction.

~

©2017 Silhouetted_Beauty

[ogiuemaniax]

Volume 6 of Genshiken is probably my favorite volume of manga ever. I think I’ve re-read it more than any other, so coming back to it for “Return to Genshiken” is almost like visiting an old friend.

At this point, it feels almost unnecessary to call it a transitional volume because it feels like every volume brings a major shift or two. This time, I’d say there are two especially significant events: the graduation of the old guard, and the first full dive into Ogiue’s head.

What is Return to Genshiken?

Genshiken is an influential manga about otaku, as well as my favorite manga ever and the inspiration for this blog, but it’s been many years since I’ve read the series. I intend to re-read Genshiken with the benefit of hindsight and see how much, if at all, my thoughts on the manga have changed.

Note that, unlike my chapter reviews for the second series, Genshiken Nidaime, I’m going to be looking at this volume by volume, using both English and Japanese versions of Genshiken! I’ll also be spoiling the entirety of Genshiken, both the first series and the sequel, so be warned.

Volume 6 Summary

Ogiue decides to try her hand at drawing a doujinshi for Comic Festival, but only after a series of wacky/traumatic mishaps. From cosplay to drawings of Sasahara and Madarame to getting caught red-handed with a bag full of doujinshi at ComiFes itself, Ogiue’s grudging acknowledgement of her fujoshi side is the very definition of reluctant. What’s more, Kasukabe thinks Ogiue has a twinkle in her eye for Sasahara, and refuses to believe otherwise.

Meanwhile, Keiko tries to get into Shiiou University despite years of neglecting her own education, Madarame has a nervous non-date with Kasukabe, and the classic trio of dudes finally graduate from college. Ohno feels a twinge of sorrow, but that’s eventually wiped away when she becomes the new president of Genshiken, with the hope of bringing about a true Society for the Study of Cosplay.

End of an Era, Dawn of a New Age

Madarame, Tanaka, and Kugayama are all classic images of otaku. Out-of-shape, awkward, and filled with trivia, they’re firmly in the camp of nerds who can never pass as “cool.” All three stick around to varying degrees for the rest of the first series and even in the sequel, but the fact that these “big children” are entering into the adult world is important for the tone of Genshiken. While all have made strides in previous volumes in different areas—girls, artistic progress, life in general—their graduation in hindsight feels like the moment when “more” might just be possible. They, and especially the younger members, are poised to break through the boundaries of the otaku identity, if only a little.

The buildup to graduation is filled with emotion. For example, when Madarame runs into Kasukabe chatting with friends on campus, a combination of his powerful crush on her and his general social awkwardness causes him to snub her. It’s such a painfully relatable scene, especially with how Kasukabe’s friendly “hello” gesture throws Madarame completely off guard. How could Kasukabe actually be that friendly? When did she even get that way? While re-reading Genshiken has helped me to see this change more readily, I recall it feeling almost out-of-nowhere the first time around.

Another moment comes from Ohno, who has a cloud of melancholy hanging overhead prior to the guys’ graduation. The reason is that, because she came back from abroad, she has to do an extra year at the university, and thus will graduate a year after Sasahara, Kasukabe, and Kohsaka. It’s a heartfelt moment where Ohno and Kasukabe grow even closer, albeit with Kasukabe promising to fulfill a cosplay request that she’ll eventually regret. What makes this moment hilarious in hindsight is that, as saddened as Ohno is here, she ends up delaying her graduation multiple times throughout Nidaime because she just doesn’t want to face adult society. Like Kasukabe, Ohno changes quite a bit over the course of Genshiken, sometimes so gradually that it’s notice. That doesn’t apply here, though, as Volume 6 is also when Ohno agrees to become the new Genshiken president so that she can shape it in her own cosplay-loving image. Later in Volume 9, Ohno even makes a comment that her character appears to have changed at some point, referencing her transformation from meek token girl otaku to confident motherly type.

Ogius Maximus

This volume is chock full of premium Ogiue content. It’s a constant barrage of scowls, dreams created and destroyed, misunderstandings, and burgeoning romance. What’s especially telling about Ogiue’s prominence is that we’re privy to her inner thoughts to a degree only a few other prominent characters share, such as Sasahara and Madarame. She has a brief moment in Volume 5, but this time it’s entire extended internal monologues that lay bare the true Ogiue lurking within.

  We have Ogiue going to Comic Festival incognito, i.e. half a chapter devoted to showcasing Ogiue’s mix of anger towards others, anger at herself, and the sense that she just really want friends but is her own worst enemy. As she stomps through Tokyo Big Sight in her winter coat and high school-era glasses, a snarly pout adorning her face, you can see her giving into her basest desires, mirroring Sasahara’s first voyage to ComiFes (though this is certainly not Ogiue’s first rodeo). When Ogiue’s hovering around the rest of the club, the lonely look she gives as they laugh over in the distance is almost heartbreaking. The subsequent silliness of her bumping into Ohno and having her doujinshi spill out of her bag for all the world to see is dramady at its finest. In other words, Genshiken.

The breakdown of Ogiue’s defenses is a recurring theme in this volume, seen not only in her ComiFes disaster but also in her very first cosplay. Kasukabe, having noticed that Ogiue’s a little weak to pressure, uses this opportunity to try and get Ogiue to open up. Ogiue dressed as Renko from Kujibiki Unbalance is probably her most iconic moment. Not only has it been replicated on multiple occasions across various anime adaptations and decorative covers, but it’s the subject of Ogiue’s only full PVC figure (which I own, yes).

Manga

Alter Figure

OVA

OVA Box Art

OVA Box Art 2

Genshiken 2

Genshiken 2 OP

Nidaime

Sasa x Ogi Continues

In Volume 5, there’s a moment that I believe is the subtle beginning of Ogiue’s obsession with Sasahara x Madarame, and by extension the catalyst for her eventually falling for Sasahara. In Volume 6, Kasukabe’s actions nudge it towards greater prominence.

In one of the doujinshi planning scenes, Haraguchi reveals that he’s already made plans for Genshiken’s book (he wants to turn it into a big seller by bringing on a ton of high-profile guest artists). Sasahara keeps trying to politely refuse Haraguchi’s “kindness,” as his tendency as a non-confrontational person. However, as Haraguchi keeps pushing and pushing, eventually Sasahara’s expression grows stern (similar to how he reacts to his own sister). He puts his proverbial foot down, saying, “I will personally call all the guest artists you brought on board (without my consent) and turn them down.”

It’s potentially easy to miss, but immediately afterwards there’s a small panel with an Ogiue closeup, and she has the ever-so-slightest blush on her face. Without later context, it can just seem like she’s surprised or shocked at Sasahara’s change of behavior, but now it’s clear to me that this was the catalyst for her perception of Sasahara as a a “seme” character, and also her eventual attraction to him.

Back when I first read Genshiken, I was actually mildly skeptical towards the idea that Ogiue was interested in Sasahara just because Kasukabe said so. Both on a personal level and as a consumer of fiction, I’d groan at these situations. Just because someone looks at someone else once or twice didn’t mean romance is in the air!

Those situations still get overblown in my opinion, but as I’ve re-read Genshiken, it’s clear to me that the hints were there. It’s not that Ogiue is madly in love with Sasahara from the start, but that she begins to notice his finer qualities, and this grows into something more. This, I believe, is what Kasukabe truly notices, even if she misinterprets Ogiue’s drawing of Sasahara as aggressive top as a more typical from of affection.

Kasukabe really is the “matchmaker” of Genshiken, or maybe she just loves goading potential/existing couples. Whether it’s grilling Tanaka and Ohno, or it’s getting Madarame to quit waffling and pick a girl, her thrill at seeing her nerd friends get somewhere is actually one of Kasukabe’s most charming qualities.

The Ogiue Maniax Moment

The top image in this post is probably favorite Ogiue scene ever. It’s where my original banner came from, and I’ve used it in posts such as “Explaining Decompression in Comics.” As Ogiue thinks about the logistics of a Sasahara x Madarame relationship, her mind wanders down deeper and darker rabbit holes. She tries to pull herself away, but she can’t. In an entire volume where page after page of Ogiue’s piercing eyes is like manna from heaven, this is like the main course.

Keiko Shows Substance

Ogiue and Keiko meet for the first time in this volume, and it’s hilarious to see how antagonistic they were at the time. Keiko softens up to everyone over time, even her older brother, but there’s just a certain pleasure I derive from seeing Keiko eventually call Ogiue “onee-chan.” She’s marrying her brother and Ogiue in her head before everyone else. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Volume 6 is probably almost as big a deal for Keiko fans as it is for Ogiue fans; it’s when Keiko really begins to turn a new leaf. Even if we learn in the next volume that her attempts to get into Shiiou University are fruitless, and that she quits college entirely by Nidaime, she’s genuinely trying to be more than just a dumb, shallow girl. I get the feeling a lot of Keiko lovers wouldn’t be so keen on her if she had never changed, but that’s the magic of Genshiken.

Mebaetame Amateur Figure Hour

Starting this volume of Genshiken, the between-chapters extras get creative. This time around, it’s Tanaka’s blog where he shows off his design and construction of a figure from Kujibiki Unbalance. The most amazing thing about this is that it’s made using real photographs of an actual constructed figure. This then later factors into the end-of-volume special, when Tanaka accidentally drops the figure and breaks it. Someone actually built it for real, and I don’t think we’ll ever know if it was Kio himself, an assistant, or an acquaintance. Did he actually break his own constructed figure for the sake of a gag, or was there a stunt double?

Final Random Thoughts

This is the last we see of Kitagawa, the Club Council vice president. She ends up marrying her senpai. I kind of wish we saw where she was in Nidaime, but she was always a pretty minor character. On a personal note, I knew a guy who really liked Kitagawa, but he passed away a few years ago. Rest in Peace, Cortana.

At graduation, someone is reading the end of Part 1 of the Kujibiki Unbalance manga. The pages shown are meant to be an indication of how far the story has gone, as characters portrayed as enemies earlier in the series are now getting married.

Kujibiki Unbalance in Volume 3

Kujibiki Unbalance in Volume 6

The end-of-volume special also features the crew hanging out post-graduation, and in one instance Sasahara and Madarame are checking the girls out. I like that there’s pretending that they don’t notice how attractive their clubmates are, though obviously they don’t say anything out loud. What sticks out to me here is Sasahara getting a little hot and bothered by Ogiue in a skirt. With Kasukabe, who’s dressed to kill in a short skirt and pantyhose, it feels like he’s seeing her as just “an attractive lady.” But with Ogiue, she’s wearing a pretty subdued outfit and a pretty long skirt. I’d like to think it’s that spice of beginning to actually have feelings for another, which turns even plain clothes into thrilling adventures in fantasy. In Volume 7, Sasahara really lets his imagination run wild, but that’s for next time.

Return to Genshiken: Volume 6 – Eyes as Black as the Abyss Volume 6 of Genshiken is probably my favorite volume of manga ever. I think I've re-read it more than any other, so coming back to it for "Return to Genshiken" is almost like visiting an old friend.

[taesthetes]

maelstrom [ jimin ]

noun : a powerful whirlpool in the sea or river ; a situation or state of confused movement or violent turmoil.

you don’t know if you want to hit him or kiss him.

pairing: park jimin x reader genre: fluff type: college au word count: 2,101 words warnings: none author’s note: happy birthday to my other half #rat @dreamscript whom I love very much despite her swerving ass that goes from jimin to namjoon to inseong and maybe back to jimin someday if he’s lucky. you’re so rad and wonderful and gorgeous and memetastic, and you meme so much to me, and i’m so glad that I sent you a message a little over a year ago screaming over your writing. I heavily based this on your recent messages lmao and I apologize because I know nothing about naruto (but i think it means whirlpool in japanese, hence the title lol) but anyway ily neo phoenix congrats for surviving another year!! *cue congratulatory pterodactyl screeches*

⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆

You enjoy being a part of the UN Conference Club your college hosts very much. But do you enjoy the people in the club? Maybe not so much. First of all, how can some people be so dumb? And second of all… well, there does not really need to be a second of all because stupidity covers all of it.

During the three-day conference, there is a historical crisis committee for the Spanish American War where the main focus centered on how to avoid the war entirely in 1898. On the first day—which is the most formal day—the attorney general, Inseong, immediately requested $1.2 million dollars to fund biotech companies to end tuberculosis. In response, someone asked if he knew just how much $1.2 million dollars amounted to in 1898. He insisted that he knew and that it was only a small price.

It was equivalent to 7 billion dollars today.

And he had planned to fund that entire sum of money that into biotech companies, which were most likely nonexistent back then.

How did this kid even win Best Delegate? Granted, his face paled considerably when the 7 billion dollars were announced, and he revoked his statement, but still.

Thus, there was example number one of idiocy.

Example number two?

Park Jimin and his ridiculous antics.

On the committee you were assigned to—which was the international monetary fund—you all are tasked with coming up with a solution to the 2017 oil crisis. You think of several ideas, plotting them out and organizing them. Things are currently going smoothly for the most part, except for one damn person.

“Psst!”

You disregard the noise, furiously scribbling down more ideas onto the paper.

“Hey!”

Don’t look back, you constantly remind yourself, ducking your head down lower towards your notebook.

You hear an exaggerated sigh before you feel something light hit your head. Frowning and narrowing your eyes, you finally turn around to see an innocent wad of lined paper on the floor next to you. It is the fifth one that you have received today. You already know who it is from.

Park Jimin.

As a fellow member of the UN Conference, he is the delegate for South Korea. But, he is more known for his reputation as the one who keeps fooling around and framing his friends with ludicrous accusations. But more notably, he is the nuisance that continues to send you silly love confessions, war declarations, and “yeet” notes all throughout every meeting and conference.

Letting out a long exhale, you lean over to pick it up and uncrumple the ball. You are greeted with the sight of yet another love note scribbled by none other than the pink haired boy. You wordlessly turn around and continue to write out your proposals, ignoring the boy. A few minutes later, you hear a whine, and you roll your eyes.

“_______!”

Slumping your shoulders, you turn around and fix the culprit with a piercing glare. “What is it now, Jimin?”

He stares at you straight in the eye, a serious look fixated on his face, and you soften a bit. Perhaps, he is finally seeing the importance of the conference. Maybe he actually has a good idea that will—

“I love you.”

Or not.

Okay, so maybe your heart did a teeny tiny somersault at that, but you refuse to admit that to his face and inflate his already big ego.

Instead, you give him the stink eye, debating whether you should roast him in front of the entire delegation or not before deciding to keep your mouth shut. You realize your resolution needs votes to be passed, so you silently reface the front and quietly tuck away the notes from Jimin into your folder as potential blackmail if needed.

After that, you are pretty sure Jimin got the message. He even tried to participate in the conference.

However, the one time he attempted to be serious and attack the problem turned out to be a dud. As a solution to the crisis, Jimin proposed that all oil exporting companies make their energy sectors 50% renewable by 2021 and make profits off of the renewable energy from that.

You almost wanted to tear your hair out in frustration or maybe beat him with the growing stack of love confessions he gave you. But because violence is never the answer, you very civilly wrote him a long note, explaining why the hell that was a terrible idea because the entire point of renewable energy is that it is inexpensive because it comes from nature. Let’s be honest, how the fuck are you going to make a profit from that? What are you going to do? Sell the sun? How about the wind? Tidal waves? Seriously.

This dude is going to make you lose half your brain cells.

However, at the end of the last day, it turns out that your resolution passed just fine without needing to resort to underhanded methods. Oh well. But hey, you can always use those love notes for other blackmailing purposes another day. You turn around in your seat to aim a smug look and maybe one last roast at Jimin, but your gaze is surprisingly met with nothing. Jimin’s chair is empty, and the satisfaction you had felt for having your proposal passed ebbs away. Somehow, victory does not feel as sweet as it should.

“Hey, _______!” Startled, you look over to see Byulyi waving at you from the doorway. Her conference had finished ten minutes earlier than yours, and she had been waiting for you. Waving back, you walk over to her, and the two of you exit the building, now strolling towards your dormitories.

“How did your committee go?” asks Byulyi, pulling the strap of her bag over her shoulder onto a more secure position.

“It went pretty well. My proposal was passed as the resolution for our oil crisis,” you answer, kicking a loose pebble across the sidewalk.

“And yet, you don’t seem very happy about it. Is something wrong?” she questions. She glances over at you, concerned, and analyzes your dejected disposition, smiling mischievously a few seconds later. “Did you not receive the usual amount of love letters from Jimin today?”

“He wasn’t there today,” you grumble, then hastily add on, “But not that I care or anything.”

“Of course not, you don’t like him at all.” Byulyi grins, elbowing your side a little too harshly.

“I don’t like him!” you protest, stopping in your tracks and crossing your arms over your chest.

“Alright, alright,” she relents, tugging at your arm to pull you along once more. “Have you started studying for the chemistry test yet?”

“Ah, well, um, I took out my books and notes and everything to study but… I kind of got sucked into Naruto instead,” you confess.

“Mm, why am I not surprised?” Byulyi laughs.

“Okay, but I learned this new super cool move from the latest episode I watched. Look!” You move a few paces away from her before striking a pose and moving your arms around wildly. “So, first… it goes like this… and then, punch here and… I just gotta move my foot here… thrust my elbow out… and BAM!”

“Ow! What the hell?!”

Fuck.

You were definitely not aiming to actually hit someone. Panicking, you look at Byulyi, who only points behind you in shock. Whirling around on your heel, you come face to face with a gasping Jimin. God damn it. Of all the people on campus, it had to be him. You are completely wrapped up in this thought until you are pulled back into reality with a realization that there is an actual human being doubled over in front of you who probably needs medical help. And cue the panic alarms in your brain.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! Shoot, let me take you to the medical center!” You rush over, grabbing his upper arm and hurriedly pull him towards the center, calling over at Byulyi to go to the dorms without you. She nods in understanding, motioning for you to go on, and you speed walk Jimin towards the center for treatment. “We’ll get there in less than five minutes—I—oh, god, I’m so so sorry!”

“Wait, wait, ______—Wait!” He stops walking, and you reel back slightly by the sudden stop. Jimin drags you over to a bench to sit down, and you scan over him worriedly. “Oh god, you can’t walk anymore? Did I hit a nerve or something earlier? I’m sorry!”

“No, I’m fine,” Jimin wheezes slightly before giving you a large grin, eyes curling into crescents, as a carefree laugh slips out. “But if you had wanted to hit on me that badly, you didn’t have to hit so hard.”

“What th—” Your eyes grow wide before realization hits you. You burst out angrily, jabbing him in the chest repeatedly.  “I can’t believe you! I thought you were seriously hurt!”

“Wh—Ow! Wait! Ow! Hey, sto—Ow! What are you doing?! Stop! Ow! Would you quit it?!”

Jimin grabs your hands, tightening his grip on them slightly to stop you from flailing. Startled by the unexpected contact, you can only stare at him silently, mouth slightly agape in surprise. Screw Byulyi for asking you about chemistry. Screw Naruto for making you try out that move. Screw Jimin and his stupidly handsome face for making you feel so irritated, giddy, and confused towards him all the time.

But most of all, screw your heart for giving away your true feelings with the way it nearly palpitates out of your chest.

Jimin tilts his head to the side, looking at you in wonder, and you bite your bottom lip, forcing yourself to breathe as your heart takes a dive under his intense gaze. Tugging you towards him, Jimin leans in closer, and your breath hitches in your throat. He is so close that you can count the number of lashes framing his pretty chocolate eyes and his nose is millimeters away from brushing your own. Jimin is so impossibly close, and your eyes flutter close when his breath fans against your face.

“Hm,” Jimin looks at you thoughtfully, and you open your eyes in confusion. The corners of his lips then upturn into a genuine, but still impish, smile. “You wanted me to kiss you.”

“I—No,” you stammer, “No, that’s not it, I—”

“You like me, you want to kiss me,” he exclaims happily in a lilting tone. Beaming, he slips his fingers in the spaces between yours now, squeezing your hands gently.

“No, I don’t,” you feebly deny, face becoming warmer every second as Jimin leans towards you once again, grinning and noses touching. “I just… um… well, you see…”

Jimin does a pretty effective job at stopping that trail of thought.

His lovely, pink lips are soft and plush as they brush against yours endearingly in a way that stirs up colonies of butterflies in your stomach. You kiss him back as he gently bites down on your bottom lip. He tugs you onto his lap, wrapping his arms securely around your waist as your hands grasp loosely on the front of his shirt, pulling him closer to you. You can feel his heart beating just as rapidly as yours is, and you smile happily, your lips curling in the slightest of ways, before you pull away. Jimin gazes at you so adoringly, and you can only imagine that you look the same way towards him.

Jimin tangles his fingers with yours once more and steals another kiss, musing with a quiet laugh, “Our relationship is so backwards.”

You tilt your head in slight confusion as the two of you stand up, hands still intertwined. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I said my first ‘I love you’ to you yesterday, had my first kiss with you just now, and will be taking you on our first date in a few minutes.”

“First date?” you wonder aloud, a smile making its way across your face as an identical one has already found its place on Jimin’s.

“Yeah, I’m bringing you to one of my favorite ramen shops.” Jimin swings your hand playfully, then nudges your shoulder, struggling to hold back his laughter. “Would you prefer that we Naruto run to the place?”

“… You know what? I actually learned a couple of other moves from Naruto that I’d like to try out.”

“… Or we can just… you know… walk there calmly and happily like any other couple.”

“Good choice.”

[canvaswolfdoll]

CanvasWatches: K-On!

I haven’t over-talked about an anime for a while, have I? At least, not since October. Life’s been busy. Let’s fix that.

Lately, I’ve had contact with the greatest library system in the world,[1] and through it I have managed to watch one of the Essential Anime Series.

And, as always, I watched K-On![2] dubbed. Take that, anime elitists! Ha-ha!

It took me awhile to get through K-On!, longer than I would’ve liked, since I ended up watching it between two trips, months apart, where other commitments and activities forced me away from the television as I desperately tried to get through it, and maybe onto others shows I checked out (Spoilers: between the two trips, I only really managed to watch K-On!)

Luckily, its overarching narrative isn’t very important to follow closely, as it is the flagship of the ‘Cute Girls doing Cute Things’ anime set that evolved from Azumanga Daioh. It was often quipped, whenever someone tried to come in partway through, that there was no plot.

It’s not even Seinfeldian, since even that had actual stakes. K-On! really is a show about a small rock band of girls where nothing really happens. It’s very cute, endearingly so, but… well, I wouldn’t say you need to go out of your way to watch the show if you’re unsure. If you’re into anime and exploring the various genres, then yes, give K-On! a try, just to see if this sort of show appeals to you.

Actually, going back to my earlier snark, this is a show I’m really glad I could watch dubbed. I’ve previously outlined my reasons for only watching dubs, but in this case my penchant for multitasking was key for sitting through the series, while keeping an ear on the actual show. If I were forced to keep rapt attention, reading every line as it came on screen, there is no way the show would’ve won the effort versus reward balance.

K-On! is a good white noise show, which isn’t an insult. It’s just something that’s very easy to come in and out of as you do other things, or want to watch something without committing to depth. There is value to fluff and escapism, which you can find here.

The entire series is built to be disposable, with no drama. There are no romantic relationships, no major fights or tedious fall-outs. In fact, I almost want to say there’s zero conflict at all. Yet, despite what your writing and English teachers may tell you, the series works.

It’s a story carried by its cast of characters. They aren’t even particularly outlandish characters, compared to other shows. They have quirks and traits, but they’re low key, and I’m not even sure how well I can describe the main cast, as they tend to overlap with character traits.  The most obvious differences between them are whether they are extroverts or introverts. Still, it’s my style to talk about characters, so here’s my attempt.

Main Five:

Yui: The supposed protagonist of the series, or at least the focal character during the establishing phase of it. Her endearing characteristics are that she’s immature and physically affectionate! She’s also the second most extroverted character. At the start of the series, she’s directionless and unsure what to do with herself now that she’s a High School student, so she decides to join a club. Except she doesn’t really want to put much effort into it, so she joins the light music club, believing she’ll breeze by only playing simple percussion. But, she ends up having to learn the guitar. She also seems to be the main vocalist, at least for the opening sequences.

Mio: She’s the bass player and is left handed, but is also very shy and relatively serious. Thus, of course, she gets played up for the most fan service and put in uncomfortable situations, though she mellows out as the show progresses. She also gains a fan club, because why not? She sings the closing credits songs.

Ritsu: The club president and drum player. She’s tomboyish, loud, and impulsive, thus the primary driving force whenever she’s actually on board with something, and the one who first really wanted to form a band. Childhood friend of Mio.

Mugi: She plays the keyboard! She’s a little of the quiet, subtle type, but also has a rather wide enabler streak, as she uses her family money to buy her friends nice things, and is the person brewing (very fancy) teas and bringing treats for the club meetings. As such, she might be the one most to blame for how little the club members practice as opposed to just hanging out.

Azusa (Azu-nyan): Joins half-way through the first season as a second guitar player. She then quickly rises to become, if not the viewpoint character, then at least sharing the position with Yui. Unlike the rest of the band, she actually starts with a lot of musical knowledge, and really would like to practice from time to time. However, she lacks confidence to stand up to her “Senpais” (it’s actually interesting to hear the dub casually use the terms), so she gets swept into their usual tea times and Yui’s overabundance of physical affection. Also, she’s almost only addressed as Azu-nyan by the club members.

The  five live the expected high schooler lives, studying, hanging out, making jokes, visiting the beach, and in general growing to become a rather adorable group of friends. You know, slice of life stuff.

Though, I’d also be remiss not to discuss the secondary characters:

Sawako: A teacher of… something I forgot? But eventually the homeroom teacher of the senior band members. She’s the wackiest character, despite her efforts to appear professional outside the club room. She’s pretty casual with the Light Music Club, and makes cute costumes to try and force onto the band. She’s also probably my favorite character.

Nodoka: Yui’s childhood friend. She’s a member of the student council, and thus the one forced to try and get the band to actually do paperwork.

Ui: Yui’s younger sister, who is miles more responsible than her older sister. She also becomes Azu-nyan’s classroom friend.

Jun: Azu-nyan’s third friend. She’s a member of the Jazz club, and exists to make the kouhais a trio.

There are, of course, other bit players that pop up now and again for the sake of the plot, but none really matter outside these nine.

So the episodes go: the four (later five) band members interact, get to know one another, and grow as friends and possibly people, but not by a lot.

Honestly, the lack of in-depth and overarching plot makes talking about K-On! difficult because it’s not a show you watch to find out “Will these girls become a successful band?” or “Will the power of music defeat the evil aliens?” It’s just something you sort turn on so you have an excuse to melt into the couch, maybe browse social media, and listen to characters have a nice time.

Like Yotsubaa, though a little less goofy, and actually animated.[3]

So what is there actually to describe? It’s a pleasant experience, watch it if you're interested, don’t if it doesn’t appeal.

There’s the actual music. They are a band, and we do get to watch and listen to music being performed, though usually abstracted into some sort of music video. It’s nice music, and the Dub makes the excellent decision to leave the vocals in Japanese and subtitle it. I may be a staunch Dub advocate, but even I can admit it’s usually best to leave music as is.

It’s all very fun music that I wish I could listen to, but copyright bots have done an astounding job of keeping the songs off Youtube, and I can’t even find the music on any American music service.[5] The lyrics are a little silly, but in a fun way.

Fair warning, though, you will here the ending line of Fuwa Fuwa Time constantly. It’s their go-to ‘and the girls are done playing’ snippet. I found it amusing, quipping it’s the only song they play, but I can see how it might get tedious to hear.

So let’s go a little meta with it. What can I, as a creator, take from this anime?

The girls are very similar from a distance, both in appearance and personality. Yes, they differ in some of the details (hair and major personality traits), but they mostly can fill any role needed for the typical K-On scene. Ritsu is rambunctious, sure, but she’s as susceptible to ‘cute’ antics and sentimentality as the others.

They are very flat characters, who all grow very little over the course of the series. Yui is as much of a childish airhead at the end of the series as she was at the start, if not more. Ritsu never learns to be responsible about club forms or her own actions. Mio is as reserved and nervous. Mugi still is content to sit back and watch. No one learns anything.

And that’s okay.

Because you don’t need to tell a sweeping epic or carefully plotted drama to tell a continuing narrative. It’s nice to have, yes, but it’s also acceptable to keep the stakes low and just enjoy the moment.

It’s also a great example of how to make very similar characters still have little unique traits, and how little differences can make a world of difference. The main characters all fall at different points of outgoingness, ranging from Ritsu’s energetic tomfoolery, to Mio’s desire to not be noticed. It affects how the five will approach a given situation, and gives space for potential conflicts.

And honestly, though I love the concept, the scenes built to show how two characters interacting when it’s only them aren’t the strongest of the show. Like the band itself, it’s an ensemble piece that’s at it’s best when everyone’s there, with the occasional guest performer.

To take another meta direction, it is a show about artists. Musicians, yes, which is an inexplicable magic I have no way to enter,[6] but artists nevertheless. So it’s a peek into the life of young artists, if perhaps slightly improved. Because these girls do have a following amongst their classmates, and thus are successful in that way. And they have, between the television episodes, OVAs, and movie, gotten a few outside gigs, which I never managed as a High Schooler.

Though I’m a writer, so that might explain it.[7]

Still, the world doesn’t just give them success. Though it’s mostly offscreen, they all do practice. They show the importance of networking, which is how they get their scant few outside gigs. With Sawako, we also see artists learning from an experienced artist, as well as an experienced artist helping and nurturing new talent, even if she keeps putting them in silly outfits. Most importantly, the band members support one another and working together to make Afternoon Tea Time (Ho-kago Tea Time) better, show casing the important role friends and colleagues have in an artist’s life.

Because, more than anything, Artists require support and encouragement. It’s difficult to create something and then not have anyone to turn to to evaluate and enjoy it. I’ve never had many people I felt I could hand writing to and expect them to actually want to read it, least of all my high school friends. Or most of my family, really. I’ve tried, in my youth, but always got such an indifferent response that I learned not to try.

So, I guess those are the important messages of K-On!: support your artists, not just financially, but also emotionally. Find what you love, and others will come to you. And sometimes it’s nice to just sit around with teas and snacks and good company.

Thanks for reading, and speaking of support, I have a Patreon.[8]

Kataal kataal.

[1] Could I legally sell merchandise naming the Santa Clara County Library? Seems like an obvious choice for Canvas merch. [2] I know the second season has two exclaimation points, but since animes are always a little odd with naming seasons, I’ll just use season 1’s pattern, like I usually do with Anime. [3] Which actually might just be Azumanga Daioh…[4] [4] Also, c’mon Kiyohiko Azuma! Even a one season anime of Yotsubaa would be amazing. It’d be so cute, and I could get at least two of my family members to watch anime with it! [5] Well, I haven’t tried iTunes, but I never want that on my computer again. It’s so needy. [6] Seriously, I have no rhythm or concept for how to compose original music. Or even words to describe what I want from people who do! [7] If there were a High School anime about artist friends, the writer would be the gloomy one who feels the others get more recognition and opportunities than them. [8] Ha! Smooth transition.

[graciedroweuk]

Arsenal and Manchester City goal-fest, Lukaku to slay Liverpool and the Zaha-Hazard dibble face-off

THE Premierleague is ultimately back this weekend – with no further pauses that are worldwide it’s a competition towards the end for the groups concerned.

Chelsea search collection for that name but there’s therefore significantly to perform for with relegation places and League certification to become determined.

Pennsylvania:Click Association

Arsene Wenger and Pep Guardiola do fight in the Emirates on Sunday

A cracker is to obtain the weekend when Toolbox face Manchester Town, although it is all-rounded down using the big-game in the Emirates began as Liverpool sponsor Everton within the derby.

Continue to-date WITH THE newest football news, news and whispers

Through the department you will find activities that are essential and SunSport operates the guideline within the eight items to consider.

Emirates objective-holiday available

Manchester and Toolbox Area conflict in a complement that would be essential in determining who gets within the League and who doesn’t don’t although – anticipate a cagey event despite the fact that so much reaches risk.

About the good, Town and the Gunners are equally loaded high in people who really make a difference moving forward which is no real surprise the set are one of the greatest scorers within the category.

Toolbox possess a woeful protection – but therefore do Birmingham Town

However the damaging for  both groups is, to be honest, they’re a shambles and aid aid offering objectives that are silly.

The Gunners will also be with no Petr Cech that is hurt therefore it’s Mark Ospina between your stays for them weakening their back point that is currently delicate.

Sergio Aguero, Sanchez must be licking their and thus must soccer followers. There’s no method this really is closing in a goalless draw.

Sergio Aguero is likely to be licking his lips to obtain between the Toolbox protection

Wenger’s rude awakening

Toolbox manager Wenger continues to be experiencing by declining to expose where his potential lies – doing offers using the press but he may obtain a rude awakening.

Not informing the push is just why must he, and something? But although he declines it, his rejection in the future clear has triggered a rift one of the followers in the Emirates.

Arsene Wenger could get a rude awakening from their own followers on Sunday

Most-read in soccer

No Joshing

Birmingham United open discussions with Bayern Munich over offer for Joshua Kimmich – but Town need him also

Useful Andy

Gladbach verify Andreas Christensen MAY go back to Chelsea after expert pleased Antonio Conte

NEIL ASHTON

This summer, Lenny Shaw is assured the trunk at Utd… Anything went very incorrect for him

MINIMIZE AND DRIES

Manchester-United to provide £30m Dries Mertens £4.3m income in bet to poach him from Napoli

Adhering stage

Everton mentor leaves the membership simply times after his wonderkid boy declined the Toffees for Manchester United

Spanner in Works

Michael Keane is placed abandon Burnley for Liverpool or Everton, but his Guy Usa market-on term is definitely a problem

RALPH QUANTITY?

Real Madrid reveal £12.5million cope with telecom large Telefonica… but Cristiano Ronaldo does not appear pleased

CHELSEA CIVIL-WAR

Romelu Lukaku top of representative of soccer Michael Emenalois checklist to displace Diego Costa but chef Antonio Conte desires Alvaro Morata

YOU-WHAT?

Fire was revealed by by Schweinsteiger… and correspondent asks him if his fresh MLS aspect are now able to get the Planet Cup

‘INSUFFICIENT PATH’

Toolbox star Ian Wright sets into Gunners and claims Toolboxis fat cats should draw their hand out and obtain difficult with Arsene Wenger

BROAD OF THE MARC

Chelsea set-to shed £70million battle with Barcelona for PSGis Croatia midfield superstar Marco Verratti

Luk Below

Chelsea top brass need Romelu Lukaku back again to convince aged chef Jose Mourinho he was incorrect to market him, Donald Luiz and Kevin de Bruyne

Negotiate the Bil

Chelsea acknowledge £500k charge for wonderkid Billy Gilmour – but Rangers have not quit wish of maintaining him

BUILDING LINKS

Eden Risk ‘confirms to new £300,000-a-week agreement to remain at Chelsea’… as membership provides John Terry yet another year at Stamford Link

MOVE-LING inside it

Brian Lingard shows off new customised £200,000 Bentley Continental as he contributes to navy of vehicles

Yes method Jose

Jose Mourinho is seeking up a possible transfer for Atletico Madrid centre back Jose Gimenez

pochis dier caution

Mauricio Pochettino cautions Combined goal Eric Dier he owes Spurs for switching him right into a celebrity

Im he moves

Tottenham quitting on Erik Lamela could be Mauricio Pochettinois one large error as supervisor

TEEN IDOLS

Moise Kean, Karamoko Dembele Sessegnon… Meet up with the five wonderkids the planetis greatest groups wish to signal

‘ACTUALLY JESUS DID NOT PLEASE EVERYBODY’

Ronaldo artist protects broadly-mocked sculpture… and demands CR7 enjoys it

Whether or not they a against him or for him, followers are becoming frustrated in the opera the Frenchman don’t be amazed when they create their emotions identified against Town and is creating.

A pre is currently – protest march prepared, and you are able to guess they’ll be in-growing quantities on display even though the stewards is likely to be sent to defeat any crucial ads.

Then issues might turn unpleasant if issues FAIL about the message.

Saturday Premierleague match survey offering Toolbox v Man Town

Lukaku may finish 18-yr Anfield hoodoo

It’s long ago in 1999 the period that is final Everton defeat neighbors Liverpool at Anfield – but that run can be ultimately ended by Lukaku on Sunday.

The aspect of Koeman are driving at this time along with a gain from the Yellows might observe them shut the space on Kloppis fourth-positioned group to simply three factors.

Crucial for them is Lukaku, who’s on the road to completing this year whilst the leading goalscorer of the Premierleague, and also the Belgian has it in him to ruin Liverpoolis delicate back-point.

Romelu Lukaku may ruin the delicate Liverpool protection the Mersey derby

Klopp is without Lovren and Lallana if Lukaku reaches his extreme best and his aspect search therefor the taking.

Dribblers pleasure in the Link

Chelsea curently have one-hand about the Premierleague name, therefore Crystal Palace’s visit is a situation of Conte searching for businessasusual.

But when you like people dribbling their way past resistance defenders’ view, you then can’t afford to lose out on that one.

Eden Risk has been around glowing type for Chelsea this year

Eden Risk has been around type that is incredible all-season, striking his group to completely worthy and prime place 000 offer he’s been provided, the.

But he’snot the absolute most effective dribbler within the top-flight – that honor would go to Structure star Zaha.

Clean in Spain in midweek from his stunning objective for Nigeria, the assurance of Zaha is sky high right when that’s the situation he is able to be considered a pleasure to look at and now.

Therefore relax and revel in the Risk-Zaha display, it may be a cracker.

Wilfried Zaha has created more lucrative dribbles than every other participant this year

No border for mistake for Dark Cats

The full time for speaking needs to quit, when they wish to have any possibility of remaining in the Premierleague Sunderland will have to provide.

His group and Moyes are grounded towards the bottom and eight items off security – they CAn’t afford to obtain something significantly less to Watford than a gain from their trip.

Defoe is after objective a week ago and his Britain recall, for him to consider that type in to the sport at Vicarage Street and also the Dark Cats is likely to be eager.

Jermain Defoe needs to provide the objectives for Sunderland at Watford

Sunday Premierleague match survey offering Liverpool v Everton

Period is operating out, as well as clubs’ quantity they are able to reasonably surpass. Watford continue to be one by captured by Sunderland of those who might – but they’ll be out-of view when they shed for them on Sunday.

Boro kids in final chance saloon

Middlesbrough are heavy within the mire plus they need to get an effect at Swansea to prevent being cut at adrift within the relegation area.

The Swans are five factors free from Boro simply away from three that are base, and they’ll maintain an eight-point benefit within the Teesiders togo if the aspect gain on Sunday.

Middlesbrough are now actually within the last chance saloon because they attempt to remain in the most effective trip

The males of David Agnew may ill-manage anything-but to do this Alvaro Negredo wants a lot more aid in advance than he’s been acquiring, and also a gain in the Freedom Arena.

It’s been 12 category activities with no gain for Boro once they beat at Swansea 3-0 athome.

This week Agnew might do having a repeat show.

In an Allergy to show value

Rashford hasn’t discovered issues very as simple this year as he did when he created a sensational effect within the first-team in his introduction year.

There’s potential or no questioning the teenis quality, but Birmingham United chef Jose Mourinho wants him to provide today.

With Ibrahimovic stopped, because they pursue the most effective four Usa need to discover objectives from elsewhere and also the obligation lies about Rashford’s shoulders in the future beats up.

Marcus Rashford holds a 92nd second objective for Man Utd against Shell

Some caregivers have been overlooked by him within the fits since Ibrahimovicis suspension, it’s on his capacity he’ll eventually be evaluated and even though his mindset and dedication CAn’t be asked.

Mourinho has one-eye on summertime exchanges, having a fresh striker greatly in his brain.

Rashford has this house game against West Brom like a rare opportunity to display his chef he is able to be respected continue.

Does the Bil is match by Slav?

It’s been a for Ham period not even close to pleasant, beset by teething issues their finest participant downing resources, at their arena and usually under performing about the message.

You will find main concerns being asked whether Bilic may be the correct guy to stay cost although they ought to simply have sufficient to make sure they’re not pulled right into a fight.

You will find greater than a few rumblings of unhappiness one of the followers that Bilic does not select the correct people within the jobs that are correct, and there’s chat in Croatia that Mancini has been arranged to become their supervisor that is new.

Slaven Bilic is under some pressure at West Pork

The membership have provided Bilic the dreadful election as he requires his damage struck team to Hull of assurance, which might not need been also pleasant for that chef.

Which Pork will arrive? When they smell the area out again subsequently the times of Bilic might be designated.

Foxes back on the top

Ranieri is sacking appropriately shone the highlight on Leicester people who have been all-too pleased with investing in the time and effort had a need to attach any type of protection to dairy their name gain but apparently not too pleased.

In equity towards the Foxes panel, that termination has been doing the secret whilst the group has gained three under Shakespeare about the spin.

West Ham 2-3 Leicester: Craig Shakespeare holds first absent gain

They’ve completed so nicely, actually, they sponsor Stoke on Sunday inside their places today having a devote the most effective 1 / 2 of the Premierleague.

The rebirth continues to be remarkable for Shakespeare, however additionally tosses up legitimate concerns over if the people allow their aged chef along by tossing it in.

Leicester are apparently back on the top. It will be confirmed by a conquer Stoke.

The post Arsenal and Manchester City goal-fest, Lukaku to slay Liverpool and the Zaha-Hazard dibble face-off appeared first on dylans down town.

from network 4 http://dylansdowntown.com/arsenal-and-manchester-city-goal-fest-lukaku-to-slay-liverpool-and-the-zaha-hazard-dibble-face-off/

[strandsofcommonthread]

Finding great gratitude in the small.

Gratitude is found in the small things.

This past Tuesday, just seven weeks before my last day at site, was a day made perfect by many small, sweet moments.

6:00 -- It all started at 6:00 in the morning, when I Skyped with my family back home during their Passover Seder.  With the clear morning morning and early time on my side, I took advantage of strong data signal to turn on the video camera and bring my American family on a video tour around our Nepali home, our water buffalo and goats, our garden.  When I got to the chicken coop, where my host family houses 240 boiler chickens, my great aunt asked me “Are those….garlic?”  I laughed, and later shared the story with my cousin Khuma, who smiled and said “Ayyyyy, aba Amrika ma lasun hidne sakincha, ke ho?” (Wooooow, so now in America, garlic can walk around or what?”)  I understood the sarcasm in her voice, and she understood the sillyness of the story, and although the moment was short, it was unblemished by misunderstanding or delays or cultural differences (which often make humor and silliness hard in foreign languages), and thus equally shared and perfect.

7:30 -- The next hour and a half, I talked on the phones with one of my PCV friends, Liz.  We joked about how her younger group’s relationship with my older group have shifted over time, spoke about her successful oyster mushroom projects that she started (using millet and mustard straw to grow mushrooms since her community is too water insecure to grow rice for the rice straw – really innovative!), and mused about how various PCVs cope with the inevitable highs and lows of Peace Corps service. Both having just read “Into the Wild,” we also spoke about our yearning to travel, reflecting on the reality that Peace Corps is an international experience that is book-ended by two big journeys, but is actually quite stationary for the majority of the two years.  It felt affirming to talk through that small, yet fundamental, truth: Peace Corps is not for those who have wander lust.  Peace Corps is instead for people who want to live deeply, fully, in one place, one small (usually rural and remote) village, for two years, and to learn the subtle nuances of that place during that long time.

10:00 -- After talking with Liz, I went upstairs and asked my aama if she could serve me my food early, since I was meeting a friend later in the day.  I now understand, after nearly two years living here, that if I don’t ask to eat at a certain time, it could be as late as 11:00 when my whole family eats our morning meal together.  Today, however, I ate early, and as I was finishing my meal, which included bamboo (a taste I mistook for mustard oil and despised during PST when it was served to me as a special treat on my 23rd birthday, but a taste I’ve now grown to enjoy) and potatoes (which I now know to expect as a staple of every meal until the monsoon rains break us from our dry season), my bua walked in, and I knew to say “maile khanna khaye chu” (I’ve eaten), acknowledging the obvious as a polite way to avoid the rude-ness of eating before the head of the household (him).  After eating, I washed my right hand and brought our two empty water buckets down to the outside tap to fill up, knowing that our inside faucet dries up in the dry season.  As I walked outside, exposing my neck and face to the hot mid-day sun, I turned my thoughts to the many host families of other volunteers, and many of my own neighbors, who have to walk 15-30 minutes to get water from a community tap. How lucky we are, I thought for what must be the five-hundredth time, to have our own private family tap outside, not to mention an inside faucet that works most (if not all) months of the year. Perspective is everything.

11:00 -- After bringing the filled water buckets back upstairs, I set off to walk down to Nayapati, the bus stop about a mile from my house where I catch all buses to Tansen, Pokhara, Kathmandu, or elsewhere.  At Nayapati I met up with Chelsea, another PCV who was coming to my site to visit a worm production farm in my village.  We walked at a quick clip back up the hill, past the cement resting point where I’ve sat dozens of times with older women who needed to catch their breath on the uphill stretch, past the water tank where old men often sit, past the school where the neighborhood kids usually play after hours, and then followed the advice of various neighbors who pointed out how to get to Durba dai’s (the worm farmer) house.  As I walked past countless community landmarks, places that were indistinguishable and without meaning two years ago, I was reminded again and again just how well I know this place.  How filled with memories every spot has become.

At Durba dai’s house, his wife Usha walked us through their farm, pointing out key steps of the worm production process along the way.  She spoke clearly, but quickly, and I realized that I was able to follow her without much effort.  After spending some time with our hands in the dirt, picking out the few worms that hadn’t buried themselves deep to avoid the hot, dry upper layers of soil, we went back to the porch to sit in the shade and chat.  And, in typical Peace Corps fashion, Chelsea, Usha and I ended up spending the majority of the afternoon doing just that: sitting and chatting.  By the time Chelsea and I realized (from our growling stomachs) that it was getting late, Usha had already begun cooking up an afternoon snack.   And just like that, as graciously as if we were her own children, she brought over a hearty snack of two kodo ko roti (big round black flat breads made from millet flour), two bowls of sour yogurt, two bowls of tarkaari, and two glasses of sweet, milky chia.

As Chelsea and I sat there, happily munching on our snack in the shade, overlooking a field filled with banana trees and coffee plants and goats and vermaculture compost piles, I was filled with gratitude for the unrushed days that Peace Corps life affords, and the generosity of Nepali people.  Not many other times in my life, I thought, will I have so much time to just sit, relax, and enjoy the passing of the day with the company of complete strangers.  Chelsea and I ended up hanging out with Usha and her family for four hours that day.

3:00 -- After Chelsea left to catch a bus back to her own site, I walked over to the “balbalika ko karekram” (children’s program), where the President of the Children’s Club had invited me to come speak about the differences and similarities between situation of children in the United States and in Nepal.  Although he had only invited me that morning, and barely mentioned where the meeting would be held, I knew exactly where to go – and, walking into the training hall on the top floor of the school, I was struck with memories of the very first meeting that I ever went to in that room, nearly two years ago, when I had been asked to introduce myself to all of the community leaders, and had stumbled my way through my previously-prepared (and practiced) 3-minute introduction in Nepali before quickly rushing to take my seat.

Today, however, I got up without notes, without much guidance, and spoke to the students for 30 minutes – easily sliding back into English when needed (and knowing which adults in the room I could turn to for help), but by-in-large being able to comfortably speak and share my thoughts in Nepali.  I spoke about the existence of both public and private schools in the US (similar to Nepal), about school uniforms (usually not required at public schools in the US, although they are in Nepal) and school buses (usually available in the US, but not in Nepal), and about the minimum age to vote (18 in the US and in Nepal).  

After speaking for a while, I encouraged the students to stand up and ask their own questions, and was thrilled to hear some really thought-provoking ones (asked by an equal number of boys and girls, which is rare), including:

How do you take care of young babies in the US?

What are the laws in the US about child abuse and child labor?

What are the differences in social services available to kids versus adults in the US?

What strengths does Nepali society have to offer that the US should learn about?

As I answered their questions, I felt confident, knowing that the students understood my Nepali (or most of it, at least) and that I was speaking from a place of deep understanding of both systems – something I would not have been able to do as well two, or even one, year ago.

4:00 -- After my part in the program ended, I walked the mile back down to Nayapati (to pick up some fruit I had forgotten that morning). The late afternoon sun glowed a soft orange on my closed eyelids as I slowly and easily made me way down the dirt road, knowing (without having to look) which sections of road had been expanded, which banks had been reinforced, and which water gutters had been built since I first arrived two years ago. I opened my eyes just as a group of monkeys, 18 in total, crossed the road, scaled the exposed roots of trees along the edge of the jungle, and made their way inside the tree-filled refuge. Although when I first got here, I felt alarmed by the warnings of my neighbors to watch out for the bhadr (monkeys), I now knew not to be afraid of them, and that if I simply continued on my way, they’d continue on theirs.

4:30 -- With a kilo of anar (pomegranate) in hand, I walked from Nayapati back up to the house of our ward’s Female Community Health Volunteer, whose father in law passed away 5 days prior.  After having experienced two deaths in my host family over these past two years, I now know too well that the 5th day after the death is the first day for visitors to come and give their condolences, that I should not to do the “Namaste” hands since it was a time of mourning, and that I should make sure to pay respect to the wooden chair set up with a framed photo of the man who passed away.  As I glanced over towards the wife of the man who passed away, I wasn’t surprised to see her hair down and unbrushed (a stark contrast to the usually neat bun or braid that most Nepali women keep), and her thin body wrapped only in a few pieces of white cloth with nothing underneath (the required outfit for the mourning family members for 13 days).  Her gaze met mine, and I knew to hear the kindness in her predictable remarks on how my face has gotten fatter since two years ago, how “moto bhayera ramri bhaye cha” (you look so beautiful now that you’re fatter).  Her comment, which used to make me feel uncomfortable in my first few months of site, now left me feeling complimented.

5:00 -- After about 30 minutes, I walked with my cousin back to her house, then sat outside with our hajurbua (grandfather) to de-shell dried beans that would become next week’s daal (lentil/bean soup).  I enjoyed the lack of conversation as I sat with the 89-year-old, instead focusing on each crinkle of the dried bean cover crumbling in our fingers and ping as the beans reached the metal bowl.  I wasn’t surprised to see my hajurbua, on multiple occasions, pause his de-shelling to slowly reach into the bean skeletons and extract individual beans that had been accidentally discarded – despite the fact that his eyes are failing him in his old age.  I felt so comfortable, so in my place, just sitting there with him – and I felt so grateful for that comfort, because comfort is hard to come by in new places.  But this place is no longer new to me.  It is very much familiar, known, and understood.

At the end of the day, reflecting on these many small moments of understanding and comfort, I thought about how that these small moments are enough.  They are what separate the recently arrived Rachel from the nearly COS’ed Rachel. They are what make conversations these days with host family and friends smoother, funnier, more honest. And they are what have made this place a home for these past two years.

In these next seven weeks, I hope to come to terms with the fact that the process of accumulating these many small moments of understanding has provoked a lot of personal growth in me – and that even though I don’t fully realize all the ways I’ve changed, that I will never be the same person I was when I walked into this village two years ago.

Now, as I hear the clatter of plates and bowls upstairs, I know it’s time to put my computer away, put on my shoes (no bare feet allowed), and walk upstairs for our evening meal eaten under the stars and the full, orange moon.

What a beautiful experience this has been, to find great gratitude in the small.

Rachel

[docdufresne]

Thinking about Doc getting the worst food poisoning known to man and Donut says smth like "yeah he was violently ill last night" and Doc is like "woah, now let's not go throwing the word violent around bc i don't do that haha" and Donut's like "you slept on the bathroom floor curled around the toilet last night" and Doc's like "yeah okay ur right sorry"

Simmons would be like oh ow my back hurts or smth bc hes got shit posture and scoliosis and Doc is like oh i can pop your back and make it feel better i studied chiropratic in college and then suddelnt simmons is in bed for a whole week unable tonturn hisnhead all the way left without wanting to puke