#throwing yourself in front of a bullet is a choice that you need to be 100% sure of

[disteal]

The mailing list. What to do with it? For the activist trying to stop the house from demolishing in west bank. I am from India. I am not connected to anything. I mean I have no resources. And I have no social standing. Would my mail help? Is it possible there can be any consequence in sending the mail? I am sorry I am asking this right now when all that is needed is to be brave. I just want to know if I will get in trouble to make sure I have appropriate safety nets.

I appreciate this so much, and I understand the limitations of having information only accesible to English readers (this absolutely needs to be a focus going forward).

However, if you have security concerns regarding sending an email to the occupying force in West Bank and do not know how to safely encrypt your emails/obscure your sending IP, please do not do it.

We have no way of knowing the extent Israel will take its suppression of pro-Palestinian voices, in and out of the region. Western (especially American) voices have a level of protection that countries closer to the conflict do not. And if you are from India I would advise extra caution.

This does not mean you are not being brave; nothing good will come of thousands of international allies ending up on some horrid IDF list. Sharing the infomation around to people who can safely send an email or make a call is enough.

[a-spes]

| THE SHOT YOU MISSED - One shot (3k).

| Summary - you're spending a day at the fair with your girlfriend, the sweetest mob boss that possibly exists and she makes sure that you've a good day.

| Tags & warnings - mob boss!Natasha Romanoff x fem!Reader, just a fluff writing, slight angst (?), beginning of a panic attack, guns, domestic domination (kinda), Natasha is the sweetest in that.

| MOODBOARD — ✧ — MASTERLIST — ✧ — TO REQUEST

You’re taking a deep breath, trying to chase away the tension from your shoulders. There is only one cartridge left in the gun you have been given, so you already know that you won’t have a second chance: if that shot doesn’t hit its target, the mission will be a failure, and it’s not an option. The stakes are too high for you to miss that one. 

You’re doing your best to ignore your surroundings, a difficult thing to do when you’re used to paying attention to everything, especially when being in a crowded place. You could hear the conversations of those around you, the screams and laughs alongside the footsteps of the children running on the asphalt. They were meters away but it was still piercing your eardrums. Even your own breathing started to be unbearable, it was fast and loud because of the anticipation and stress.

The weapon is stable, you’re maintaining it with a firm grip despite the slight trembling of your hands. You have been in this position for several minutes, and your muscles are starting to ache. 

You have to do it, now.

There is nothing left to divert your attention, and you are eventually able to forget about everything else. For a moment, you can’t hear anything, you only see the target that is right in the center of your sights. A pressure from your finger, a clatter that rings in your ears, and just like that the bullet is gone, straight toward your target.

“Fuck!” you screamed, and it takes all the control you possess to not throw the plastic weapon when you see that you missed it. 

You ignore the way the showman glanced at you when you screamed, a mixture of annoyance and satisfaction. You have been here for almost half an hour and you didn’t move an inch, refusing to go back to your girlfriend with empty hands. But sometimes determination isn’t enough, all you’ve managed to do is to pop a balloon or two, but you need more if you want to get that coveted prize.

When your hand reaches into your jacket’s pockets, you’re unpleasantly surprised to find nothing. The desperation with which you are now searching isn’t enough to reveal one last coin and you realize that you’ve spent everything you were given by Natasha, which means the fun is over for tonight.

It is already over and you weren’t even good enough to win a little something.

You had no other choice than going back to your girlfriend with nothing to give her, which you find embarrassing because she will obviously ask what took you so long and you didn’t want to admit your failures, not in front of the woman you love. The second she saw you, she stopped talking with the rest of the group to focus all her attention on you, noticing the way you were avoiding her gaze. As you are trying your best to get over your frustration, she is running her finger over your furrowed brows.

“What's happening, sweetie? You’re tense,” she told you, she knew something was wrong the moment she glanced at you, there is nothing that could escape her gaze.

“I lost, again,” you mumbled, not really wanting to talk more about it, especially because you knew she would react that way: you wanted nothing more than to rip that smirk off her face.

“Oh, baby … come here” she cooed, trying to hide her smile - but she just can’t help it.

She opens her arm and you wait no more than a second before throwing yourself into her embrace. The moment she wraps her arms around you, pulling you into a tight hug, all your frustration is gone.

She is good when it comes to ease your worries: she spent the next hour dragging you everywhere, and you’re sure you’ve tried every ride at least twice. She even bought you cotton candy despite her strict rules about sweets, just to make sure you smile again.

At some point, you were separated from her, you let go of her hand for one second, just enough time to drink some water, but also for your girlfriend to disappear. She probably told you where she was going, but you hadn’t heard because of the screams and those missed words are the reason you’re now panicking.

You are turning around again, and again, and again, but it’s useless, you are lost without her at your side. Every time you think you spotted her red hair in the crowd, it turns out that it isn’t her and the minutes start to feel like hours.

You're being manhandled by the crowd, trying to sort out your thoughts until a hand comes to rest on your shoulder and pulls you out of your torment. You turn sharply, but fear is replaced by relief when you realise it's only her. 

She doesn’t like to see you like this, with tears in the corner of your eyes, and she hates it even more knowing that she caused this. She wasn't expecting you to react that way, as she only left for a few minutes and this view almost makes her feel bad. Almost, because she knows that what she has brought you will make up for her mistake.

“I got a surprise for you…,” she said, but it was not much of a surprise as you could already see the stuffed toy she was trying to hide behind her back.

It is a black dragon that is almost your size, you saw it at the stand where you were playing earlier. You’ve spent dozens of minutes and dollars in that game without winning anything so you can’t believe that it took her less than five minutes to come back with the biggest prize.

“How did you do that?! It was impossible to win anything!” you exclaimed as the woman hands you the stuffed toy. 

You immediately hug it, squeezing the dragon as tight as you can. It is the fluffiest and you’re already loving it. If you are a bit surprised that Natasha got you something that big, you’re trying to not think too much about it. She always tells you no for everything that could ruin the aesthetic of her house so you want to enjoy the plushie as much as you could before she changes her mind and takes it back.

“Thank you, I love it so much,” you told her, not letting it go, which made her laugh - the prettiest sound you’ve ever heard. 

Even her knows that she’ll eventually regret it, but for the moment the smile on your face makes it all worth it. It became even more important than her house’s décoration.

“But?” she asked, frowning when she heard your tone, knowing that something else was keeping your mind busy.

“There is not but,” you replied, and this time it is your turn to frown at her question.

“I know when you’re lying, love,” she said, her hand brushing your hair away from your face so she could admire every feature of your face.

“... god, I hate when you do that, you’re so annoying,” you mumbled, perfectly knowing that she was right. You bury your face in her shoulder, trying to hide your embarrassment. 

Even when you try your hardest to keep your thoughts for yourself, you are unable to do so. There is nothing you can hide from the woman because she is too good at reading people, her eyes seeing everything.

“Then tell me what’s in your mind, and maybe I'll stop being annoying,” she said, trying to hold back a laugh. She won’t say it because she doesn’t want you to be mad at her for real, but she finds it cute when you’re angry.

“I-didn’t-want-a-stuffed-toy-I-was-trying-to-win-one-for-you,” you replied, talking as fast as you could in hope she won’t retain anything of your rambling - which was doomed to failure.

You are a bit embarrassed by the situation because she succeeded so easily where you didn’t. For once, you wanted to be the one to give her a present, something you rarely have the chance to do because she is always the one who spoils you, but somehow she managed to turn the situation around once again, and you hate it.

She chuckles, relieved that it was nothing too serious. She gently grabs your chin to lift your head up and watch your expression. The moment she saw that hint of sadness in your eyes, she understood how affected you are by the situation, and she finds it surprising how something so insignificant in her eyes could be so important to yours.

“Then I could keep it and we’ll pretend that you won it for me, what do you think?” she asked, trying to cheer you up, not wanting to see that look on your face anymore.

“But that's not the same,” you whined, starting to complain about the unfair situation.

“Oh gosh, you're such a child,” she said, rolling her eyes at your answer - but even if she acts like your attitude is annoying her, deep down you know that she loves it. “Come,” she added, pulling you by the hand to guide you through the crowd after she handed the huge dragon to one of her men.

“Where are we going?” you tried to ask, but of course you don’t get an answer from the redhead. 

When you eventually get to the stand where Natasha won the dragon and you lost your money, the showman looks at you with a wry grin. He recognizes you as the one who spent dozens of dollars in his game without winning anything and he is probably hoping that you are back with more money.

But as soon as his eyes landed on the redhead at your side, his face completely changed. He knew he messed up the second he noticed how her hand is resting at the bottom of your back as she guides you toward his stand. She puts down a bill, which the man takes with caution, probably thinking that there is a trap somewhere. 

“We won’t need that,” she told him the moment the man made a move to give her one of the plastic weapons.

If he is about to protest, one glance from the woman is enough for him to understand that he would better keep his mouth shut. Instead, he watches her carefully as she takes her own gun out, a real one. 

You are a bit confused when she puts the gun in your hands : it is the first time it happens. She has never let you touch anything that could be dangerous, and it obviously included her weapons. It has nothing in common with the fake guns you are used to, it is heavier and more impressive.  

“Go on,” she said, trying to encourage you when she noticed you still haven’t made a move.

“What? With your gun?” you asked, unsure of what you are supposed to do now, “b- but I don’t know how.. I mean, I’ve never-,” you added when she nodded as an answer to your question, but she doesn’t give you time to argue. 

“I know,” she cut you, already knowing what you were about to say, “but I’ll help you, don’t worry about it,” she added, putting her hands on your shoulder to turn you around so you’re facing the targets instead of her.

She stands behind you, and if you can’t see her, you could feel her hands roaming over your body. You’re barely listening to the advice she is whispering in your ears, your mind being entirely focused on her hands. She moves your shoulders and legs in the right position, then she wraps your hands with hers to be sure that you won’t miss this time. It requires even more concentration than earlier to not let yourself get distracted by your proximity with the redhead, so close that you could feel her breath on the back of your neck. 

Even if it doesn’t feel right to do that, you shot. Three times, and you didn’t miss one, all the balloons popped under your eyes, granting you the victory. She immediately snatches the weapon from your hand, not wanting to leave it to you for more time than it’s necessary, but you don’t care, too happy about your victory.

“Theirs are rigged, you never stood a chance,” she simply said as if it was obvious, but it wasn’t. If she understood what was the problem in one shot, why didn’t you after you’ve tried countless times?  

You start to feel a bit stupid as the realization sinks in ; you blamed yourself for something that wasn’t even your fault, something you should've noticed on the first shot. You now understand why the showman was looking at you that way, he must have been happy to see someone that was dumb enough to spend all their money in his stand, from the beginning he knew you wouldn't win because no one that plays along the rules does. 

 “I am so proud of you, malyshka,” she added, the sound of her voice pulling you out of the spiral of your thoughts - a deadly one.

The lower part of your back is now pressed against the stand, she turned you around so she could admire every feature of your face.

“Stop lying,” you mumbled, the expression on your face not matching the smile on hers - she is smiling but you want to cry, fearing that you might have disappointed her because of your mistakes.

“I am serious,” she immediately said, not leaving you a chance to argue. Her hand gently grabs your chin, lifting your head until your eyes meet hers. “It even makes me want to see you try with live targets now, you must be so hot…,” she continued, her thumb brushing your cheek as she gets lost in the pleasant scene her mind is playing.

But you are not enjoying it as much as she does. A shiver of disgust shakes your body at this simple image, the one of your hands covered in the blood of your victim.

You are not a murderer, nor a monster.

Even after meeting the redhead and being dragged into her chaotic life, you’ve never done a thing that was illegal. If you know about her activities, she always makes sure that you are nothing more than a witness. She likes her women to be innocent, she used to toss them as soon as she felt their souls started to be corrupted, but she was slowly changing her mind. 

For the first time, she wants to see her sweet thing with blood on her back. There is nothing that could please her more than to see the glimpse of darkness in your eyes growing until you are too deep in it to step back. 

For the first time she wanted to fully introduce her girl to her reality.

She wanted to corrupt you as much as she wanted to protect your innocence. There is no word to describe how much she appreciates this oblivious expression of yours and, right now, she is not missing a thing about the one on your face. She revels in the mixture of fear and disgust she could read on your face.

“I was joking,” she sighed, “so don’t worry your pretty little head with that, okay baby?” she said and you believed her, nodding.

You couldn’t see the smirk on her face - the only hint that she was lying - because she leans forward to kiss the top of your head, her hand brushing your temple one last time before she pulls away. You immediately whine, trying to grip on her arm so she wouldn’t leave but this only makes her laugh. 

“Go get your prize now, so we can get home,” she said, ignoring the pleading look you’re giving her to gesture towards the showman.

You turn around and, indeed, you see that the man was impatiently waiting for you to make your choice, he probably couldn’t wait to get rid of you and your problematic girlfriend. You immediately point to one of the biggest stuffed toys, similar to yours, but before the showman could make a move, Natasha shook her head, showing that she disagrees with your choice. She takes your arm and gently moves it so you’re now pointing at the shelf where the smallest plushies are displayed.

“It’s one of those or nothing,” she said, her stern tone leaving no room for discussion. 

She obviously doesn’t care about the pout on your face. She considers that she has already been pretty nice by gifting you that giant stuffed toy, so she definitely won’t bring a second one home.

“Fine …,” you replied, frustrated that you couldn’t freely choose, but it was the perfect opportunity to make her regret her decision.

You missed nothing of her expression when the showman took the strawberry bunny that was on the shelf. She rolled her eyes, obviously you choose the most childish of all, but she decides that the smile on your face as you’re handed it to her is worth everything. She gladly takes it, and even if she tries to pretend she doesn’t like it, you don’t fall for her lies. The kisses she lays on the top of your head, then on your lips, are enough to convince you to keep your sneaky words to yourself, enjoying the moment the two of you were sharing.

| MOODBOARD — ✧ — MASTERLIST — ✧ — TO REQUEST

[notanactressyay]

— ༉‧₊˚. 𝐚 𝐩𝐞𝐞𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐢𝐝𝐞

— ₊⊹ 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 . Natasha Romanoff x reader

— ₊⊹ 𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚 . Natasha always patched herself up. she never even allowed anyone near when she's hurt. you, on the other hand, made her a bandage and even discovered a little more about who she was.

— ₊⊹ 𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 . implied violence, bullet wounds, blood, bruises, talks of the red room, cursing, emotional moments, caring for baby Natasha.

— ₊⊹ 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒔 . finishing that a year later. yup, that's me. but that's just too special for me to drop it.

fic started: july, 08, 2023, 1:06pm. | finished: june, 23, 2024, 9:29pm.

dividers belong to: @saradika-graphics — ₊⊹

you're at home, reading a book as you usually did. the day was calm, tranquil, and it didn't seem like anything bad would happen. the sun rays came in from the gap between the curtains and shone right onto your face.

little did you know what was going on out there. the avengers were looking for the Winter Soldier, and well, the search wasn't going really good. cars crashing, civilians injured. and the target out there, no signs of him.

your best friend, the Black Wid— Natasha, had been as reckless as she always was, and attempting to protect a citizen, she took a bullet on the shoulder. and instead of getting immediate medical attention, she used her bleeding arm to fire a shotgun and throw a few more punches here and there.

Steve wanted to get her to a SHIELD facility, but she knew their usual procedure — they'd have her arm cut open to remove the bullet, stitch her up, and keep her in observation. she didn't want any of that. too much physical contact for her liking.

so she thought of the only smart way she could make this play. she couldn't simply go to her house with a criminal running around, in the middle of a mission. and her team would go looking for her there. not a smart choice. so she went to you.

not that she wanted to be taken care of. not that she needed to be taken care of, due the intense amount of pain going through her system. she'd just go to your house to hide, yeah.

the knocks on your door sounded heavy and urgent. you placed the book down, walking to the entrance and looking through the peephole — finding yourself in front of a bleeding, broken Natasha Romanoff. the door almost flies open, and she doesn't give you time to ask questions, stumbling inside and kicking the door shut.

"shh, keep your voice down." the redhead whispers weakly. regardless of the pain, she tries to be sarcastic. "don't be too loud or they might find me."

"your arm!" you whisper-yell, ignoring everything she had said. you ran to grab a cloth, pressing it against the wound. Natasha hissed loudly. just then you realized it was a bullet. "holy shit, i'm so sorry."

"i'm good." she weakly reassures, grabbing the cloth from your hand, taking a step back. she applied pressure to stop the bleeding — but she was barely standing. "just a tiny scratch,"

"shut it." you shake your head and carefully lead her to the nearest couch, helping her to sit down. by now, you'd have already called an ambo. but like she said, she was being chased. "spit it out, c'mon."

"mission went wrong." she sighs, allowing her eyes to close for a moment, then opening them again. when she feels you sitting down next to her, she instinctively scoots over, as if to create some distance. "the most of it is classified. but it went wrong. that's all i can tell you,"

"alright, Natasha. but you got to go and see a doctor." you chuckle humorlessly, pointing out the obvious.

the redhead was sweating, expression showing clear pain. even if the bleeding on her shoulder had stopped, she was still weak. it didn't matter she was trained for that. she was still a person.

"i can handle it." she tries to smile, but feels the uneasiness again. her eyes feel heavy, and she wants to close them. but she knew that meant passing out, going to the hospital. "just get me a first aid kit and i'll be okay."

"god, you're stubborn." you murmur. you'd probably give her a speech, but not now. "hang in there, i'll be right back."

you quickly went to the bathroom and grabbed the first aid kit from the cabinet, placing it on the living room's coffee table. you also grabbed a water bottle and a bag of cookies you had, in case she wanted to eat later.

you just didn't expect her to push you back when you reached out to touch her arm.

"just give it to me," she extends her hand towards the kit box, coaxing a small, incredulous laugh out of you.

"you expect me to let you do it yourself? in that state?" you ask, genuinely concerned now. you sit down by her side once again, slowly. she gulps.

Natasha was your elusive superhero friend, so you never really had that much of physical contact before. you didn't know about her past, either. you didn't know her fear of people touching her. her fear of being vulnerable. because back then, she wasn't allowed to be vulnerable.

widows never failed. widows never got sick. if a widow had an injury, that meant victory. she'd have to heal herself and focus back on the mission. so simply putting, Natasha didn't know what it was to allow someone to care for her.

but now... she was almost passing out. really. she also knew damn well you had no intentions of hurting her, nor reasons to do so. or else, she'd have distanced herself a long time ago. so she sighs in defeat.

"... just make it quick, okay?" she shifts, allowing you in her personal space.

you sigh as well in relief, opening the first-aid kit box and grabbing a wipe, putting some hydrogen peroxide on it. the blood under the cloth had long dried. you carefully unwrapped it from her arm, setting it aside. you examined the wound closely. the bullet went through, it was good, somehow. you wouldn't have to magically learn how to make a surgery.

Natasha's eyes followed your hand, as it wiped away the blood covering her arm. she was so tense at the beginning. but time went by, and her brain slowly registered the fact she didn't have a reason to be tense. her shoulders visibly eased up.

"the bullet's not here," you whisper, throwing the dirty wipes away and grabbing the ointment, the antiseptic, and the bandages. "i'll patch you up for now, but Nat, you seriously need some stitches."

she's relieved. the pain is still strong, but she's relieved, with you. only if you knew how bad she was trying not to cry right now. her voice quivers, as she points to something inside the box. "i-is that aspirin?"

you frown, stopping the movements. "it is. do you want some?"

"mhm." the russian hums, unable to stop the little tear from rolling down her cheek. with your help, she takes a couple of pills and swallows it with the water you grabbed earlier. "thank you,"

"you're welcome." you murmur back, softly smiling at the sight of Natasha's tender side starting to show up. you continue, applying the ointment on her skin and carefully spreading it.

"i never had this before," Natasha says, almost inaudibly. her head lowers itself to your shoulder, surprising you. "did you know that? because back then, getting hurt was a good thing. they made us believe that, i mean."

you listen to her soft rambling, humming to let her know you heard. you finish wrapping the bandages around her arm and shoulder, and put some band-aids to keep it secure. in response to her leaning against you, you carefully, gently wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her closer.

"i'm glad you know that's not true anymore." you comment, and she nods. her lips quiver more. my, she looks so.. broken. and you'd do anything to fix her. at least try. "you can cry, Nat. let your pain out."

she sniffles, her one good arm circling you as she weakly buried her face on your shoulder, allowing the tears to flow freely. her body trembles, so you hold her closer, tighter. your body heat comforts her.

after a while, she certainly doesn't want to talk. her sobs quiet down, and she tries to cuddle up against you. " 'm tired, wanna sleep."

"i know." you say, pressing the back of your hand against her forehead. she surely had a fever. but the aspirin she took before would help, in a few hours. "you can take your rest now."

Natasha whimpers quietly — which was supposed to be a yawn — and allow her eyelids to finally shut. she clings to you tightly, as if genuinely scared you would disappear if she let you go. but you never would.

not after seeing such a thing. she did something major today. and you treasured it with your whole heart. you pressed a kiss on the top of her head and held her — having no idea if the SHIELD spies would come after you. nah, probably not. Natasha knew what she was doing.

[definitelynotstable]

Eyes On Me [Ghost x fem!Reader]

AN: Ok hello girlies and gays it’s (slight)angst time!!!!! Not sure how long this energy will last but knowing people have read and enjoyed your shit is addictive <3

Synopsis: You're stuck downloading intel with a load of hostiles banging at the door – what could go wrong? Word count: 1.7k Warnings: Blood, guns, wounds, crying? Ghost x fem!Reader (callsign “Rags” because it was the first thing that came to mind): once again not explicitly romantic but our boy Ghost doesn’t leap straight into the lovey-dovey shit - dude is traumatised to the max.

Once again, not proof-read. I don't have the attention span.

☾ ⋆･ﾟ:⋆･ﾟ

“Easy” and “in and out” were Laswell’s words. Well you had a few choice words lined up for her when you got back.

If you got back.

It was a shit show. Comms were down, it was snowing - no - blizzarding, and the supposedly “near-empty” compound was full of hostiles.

“God fucking dammit,” you swore as you fiddled with your comms, fingers frozen and stiff. “Rags to overwatch, how copy?”

Static hissed back. You resisted the urge to throw the piece of junk across the frozen concrete.

You were in too deep to back out - the way forwards was more clear than the way you had come. Alarms blared and the hallways filled with hostiles. M4 raised and ready, you made your way towards the room holding whatever intel you had been sent to retrieve.

You made it there with little pushback, locking the door behind you and pushing a table over to wedge under the handle. Flexing your thawing fingers, you pulled the hard drive from the front pocket of your vest, plugging it in to the main computer. It was blank for a moment and you felt your heart lurch.

Suddenly the drive blinked to life and code filled the screen.

███▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ 25%

Fuck. You didn’t have much time. You pressed your finger to your comms again, opening all channels.

“This is Rags, currently downloading intel. Anyone copy?”

Static buzzed for a second before a raspy Manchester accent cut through like a knife.

“Good to hear from you, Rags, this is Ghost. Comms are back, copy.”

You sighed heavily, leaning over the desk as the loading bar blinked up at you.

█████▒▒▒▒▒ 50%

“It’s at 50%, how long do I have LT?”

“Not long. Get out of there as soon as it’s at 100%. No time to mess around, copy?”

Chewing your lip and glancing over at the door pressed your comms again. “Copy, LT.”

☾ ⋆･ﾟ:⋆･ﾟ

The bar progressed slowly under your anxious gaze. A watched loading bar never loads, you thought tiredly. The gunshots in the background were steadily growing louder, you felt like a coiled spring about to be let loose.

“Rags, this is Price, Bravo have been held up, they can’t cover you. You need to get out of there now. Copy?”

████████▒▒ 80%

“Copy, Capt. It’s almost there, I’ll be out soon.”

“Not soon, now.” Ghost barked in your ear, “That is an order, sergeant.”

Gritting your teeth, you glanced back at the screen. It was so close. “Copy, LT.”

You weren’t leaving. Not yet. Slowly but surely it inched closer.

█████████▒ 90%

Someone or something bashed into the door. The lock broke, the table you had shoved under the handle held.

██████████ 100%

Breathing quickly and with shaking hands, you ejected the drive and ripped it out - shoving it back into your pocket.

“Exit point compromised, requesting support, copy.”

“Copy,” Price yelled over gunshots, “Bravo is almost there, hold the fort sergeant.”

Something rammed into the door again. You swore loudly. You didn’t have time. Looking around quickly you shoved the computer from the table, yanking it out of the way before pushing the table up against the wall. There was a window just out of reach you could use the table to get to. Praying it wasn’t bullet proof, you fired a single round. It shattered around you like confetti. Using the butt of your riffle to clear the jagged edge, you heaved yourself up.

A crack sounded from across the room. You turned back in surprise. The table against the door slid back. Something was lobbed into the room. A grenade. Glass crunched under your feet, you didn’t have the time to find cover. It exploded in front of you.

☾ ⋆･ﾟ:⋆･ﾟ

Faintly you registered a voice in your ear. Someone was shaking you. Your body had turned to lead.

Pain seared, fast and sharp against your cheek. Someone had slapped you. Blood dripped from your hairline into your left eye as you blinked up. A skull was floating in front of you.

Ghost?

“Ghost!” Price yelled over the comms, “How copy?”

You couldn’t move your arm to answer. The man in front of you raised his hand to reply. You were jealous. Why couldn’t you move your arm?

“Copy. Need immediate EXFIL.” The Lieutenant rasped, eyes locked onto yours.

“Can you make it to the extraction point?”

Ghost swept his across over you

“We can try.”

You startled as he grasped the front of your vest, pulling you firmly to your feet.

“Can you stand sergeant?”

The world tilted. His words were clear but didn’t register. He swore. They didn’t have the time for this. Looping an arm behind your back, Ghost pulled you along, noting how you sagged against him. You needed a medic but it would have to wait.

“Gaz!”

The sergeant guarding the door turned quickly, eyes widening as he noticed you slumped against their lieutenant.

“Yeah LT?”

“Heading to evac now, cover us?”

The man nodded, lips set in a firm line. “On it LT.”

☾ ⋆･ﾟ:⋆･ﾟ

The heli came into view, Ghost was practically carrying you now. Your head lolled against him, pulse slow but steady - he had discarded his glove a while back and his fingers were tucked just under your jawline.

“Clear the floor!” Ghost roared over the beat of the chopper, “get a med-kit, now!”

Eyes wide, Soap heaved the gear cluttering the floor out of the way as Price set out a spine-board. Someone pulled the door shut behind them as he lay you onto the board.

Gaz pulled various items out of the med-kit as Ghost helped remove your vest.

“Fuck,” He whispered under his breath, Gaz looked up and followed his gaze.

“Shit.”

A shard of glass was wedged just under your rib.

Gaz turned to Price who crouched at his shoulder, “How long till RTB?”

The captains face was grim, “A few hours at least.”

Nodding Gaz turned to meet the lieutenants gaze, Ghost had a feeling he knew what the sergeant was about to say.

“We gotta take it out here.”

“Take what out?” You stirred where you lay, blinking blearily up at the four men surrounding you.

Sensing everyone’s hesitance, Soap spoke up with a small smile. “You roll around in a bit of glass, lass?”

You craned your neck to have a look but a strong hand pushed you back down. Stern blue eyes behind a skeleton mask hovered, again, in front of you.

“Remember what happened?” Price asked as Gaz got to work cleaning the more minor wounds littering your body.

You nodded, head nudging Ghost’s knee beside you. “Grenade. Fuckers lobbed one into the room just as I was leaving.”

Soap whistled from where he sat on the side opposite Ghost. “No wonder yer so torn up.”

“Soap.” The lieutenant growled, “not helpful.”

You grinned weakly up at Soap who was looking reproachful. “I appreciate the honesty, Soap.”

“Alright,” Gaz interrupted, he had shed his vest and rolled back his sleeves, latex gloves covered his hands. The smell of antiseptic filled the dusty air. “In the spirit of honesty, this’ll hurt. I’ll need you boys to hold her down.”

Price, headset still on, bent over your legs, pinning them down as Soap reached over your chest. You shivered as cool hands curled themselves either side of your head. Ghost. His thumbs came to rest behind your ears and fingers against the nape of your neck.

“Alright, Rags? You ready?”

“Don’t fuck it up, Gaz,” you say, lips quirking as he huffs.

The first piece of glass came out easily but the next hurt like a motherfucker. You sniffed holding back tears. The military wasn’t particularly the safest environment to cry, especially as a woman.

“You can cry if you need.” Ghost’s soft voice catches you off guard.

“What?” You blink up at the blue eyes above you.

“Cry. It’s good for you.”

You laugh, wincing at the movement. “Y-yeah?”

The stern lieutenant nods, blinking back at you. “I’ve done it myself a few times.”

Soap nods his head from where he is stretched across you, “I’ve seen it m’self.”

Ghost looks up and though his eyes are out of your view you can tell he is glaring at his friend.

You let out a breathy laugh again, lip wobbling. “Alright, if you say so LT.”

“I do.” The gruff voice replies, eyes returning to you.

Glass clinks as Gaz pulls out another shard. “These next few are going to suck.”

Tears leak faster than you can hold them back. Guess it really is time to cry.

“Eyes on me, darlin’.” The lieutenant spoke as his thumb swiped under your eye, holding your gaze as another piece of glass is dislodged. You’ve started shaking. Probably shock.

Price grips your legs tighter, and whispers something to Gaz. He nods, holding the tweezers just out of your sight.

“Almost there,” Price grunts, “you’re not broken yet, soldier.”

“No, sir,” you smile, focusing on the way Ghost’s fingers brush your cheek and tickle at the nape of your neck.

Gaz swears. A wave of pain swamps you and your vision fades.

☾ ⋆･ﾟ:⋆･ﾟ

When you come to, the hands are still there, holding your head. It’s softer than the spinal-board though. And warmer. You shift slightly and the hands softly but firmly hold you still. You blink up and he’s still there.

You’re in his lap, you realise.

He looks at you carefully, like he is asking if everything is ok.

You give him a small smile. “Alright, LT?”

He lets out a surprised huff, chest rumbling. You feel your smile widening as his eyes crinkle slightly.

“Yeah, you?” His voice is husky and quiet, warm breath fanning over your face.

You are the only ones awake you realise. Soap and Gaz snore softly in seats to your left and Price likely in the cockpit.

“Am now.” You reply, closing your eyes, sighing as the lieutenant’s thumb strokes your jaw.

☾ ⋆･ﾟ:⋆･ﾟ

Masterlist

[tailschannel]

New zones, customization options, and Emerald Powers: a recap of the Sonic Superstars cover story

Issue 358 of the Gameinformer magazine was published this Tuesday, and its 12-page column on the upcoming Sonic Superstars revealed a new look into its development, and previewed a number of in-game features and zones.

Here's everything you need to know.

Major takeaways

New zone names: Sky Temple, Pinball Carnival, Lagoon City, Sand Sanctuary, Press Factory, and unannounced Golden Capital.

New Emerald Powers: Avatar, Bullet, Water, Ivy, Vision, Slow, Extra, Super.

Expect vast character customization options in the brand new Items shop.

Select stages in a Generations-style World Map.

New zones

Characters have the choice of going through a normal act or a character-specific act. For example, finishing Act 1 of Speed Jungle Zone as Sonic allows you to choose between either playing the second act of Speed Jungle or an "Act Sonic," an alternate act of Speed Jungle where you zoom as Sonic, running away from a terrorizing Fang the Sniper.

There is reportedly a World Map similar to Generations where you run in a 2D-plane to select a stage.

There is also an items shop where you can trade medals in for customizable parts. Apparent, you can customize your "head, body, arms, legs, accessories color, and something called prototype."

The third zone of the game is reportedly called Sky Temple Zone.

In the zone, there is a mini-game similar to the game "Breakout," where you turn into a ball and aim to break bricks.

The climax or the ending of the zone is a massive storm.

The fourth zone is called Pinball Carnival Zone.

As the name suggests, "a giant pinball arena and fast sequences with fireworks setting off."

The fifth zone is called Lagoon City, which is filled with submerged city ruins and water slides.

Act 1 is mostly above water whereas Act 2 has several underwater sequences.

Amy's character-specific act of Lagoon City is fruit-based, with several gimmicks like a fruit based robots and such.

Sand Sanctuary Zone is the sixth zone of Sonic Superstars and a seventh zone reportedly called Press Factory Zone.

Filenames in the newly released screenshots also disclosed the officially unannounced Golden Capital Zone.

Emerald Powers

Emerald Powers were inspired by the Wisps mechanic from Sonic Colors.

Every stage has a giant gold ring and a giant blue ring. Completing the giant gold rings rewards you a Chaos Emerald and the the blue ring rewards you a medal.

Both special stages have the same central gameplay mechanic: swing from floating bubbles toward the moving objective.

Emerald Powers can be used by using the right stick and operate on a cooldown, with each star post checkpoint replenishing your cooldown meter.

Avatar (Blue Emerald)

Allows you to create clones of yourself.

Useful for defeating any enemy that lies on you path.

Bullet (Red Emerald)

Allows you to direct and shoot your character at a specified direction.

"It's an extremely useful action; it's probably the most useful action for this kind of game," Iizuka said.

Water (Cyan Emerald)

Allows you to interact with any body of water, like swimming freely underwater or climbing up waterfalls.

Ivy (Green Emerald)

Allows you to grow upward vines.

Helpful in reaching higher areas.

Can also be utilized to help your teammates in co-op mode.

Vision (Purple Emerald)

Allows you to see hidden objects like platforms, rings, or items found in the level.

Slow (Yellow Emerald)

Allows the player to slow down everything on screen.

Helpful in tighter platforming sequences or boss encounters.

Extra (White Emerald)

Unlocks character-specific actions.

Sonic – Homing Attack: Unlocks the Homing Attack from the modern titles.

Tails – Tornado Spin: Unlocks a devastating tornado attack that can destroy enemies in front of you

Amy – Hammer Throw: Unlocks the ability for Amy to throw hammers instead of the usual Hammer Swing.

Knuckles – Punch: Unlocks the ability to punch for Knuckles.

Super Form (All 7 Emeralds)

Characters can turn into their Super form after collecting all 7 Chaos Emeralds.

Characters won't have any specific abilities outside of being invincible and becoming faster.

Emerald Powers can still be used in Super form.

Development

The concept of Superstars came from a Zoom call by Naoto Ohshima during the initial COVID-19 pandemic lockdown.

Ohshima and Iizuka held producer roles for Sonic Superstars.

Despite hinting at a short development time than expected, Ohshima was impressed by Sonic Team and Iizuka.

"Though Arzest and Ohshima led development efforts on Sonic Superstars, Sonic Team collaborated frequently, with Iizuka and Ohshima constantly sharing ideas of and production duties."

There were talks between Iizuka and Whitehead's team following the release of Mania where concepts were considered, but the project fell through; however, Iizuka does states that he is "pleased that the next generation of Classic Sonic that we talked about with them has been achieved with Superstars."

Iizuka said that the programming for Superstars "is completely unique and done from scratch by Arzest."

(Story contributed by Spectre and Scarlett from the Tails' Channel Newsfeed)

[moira-mains-go-to-hell]

Hello! I was wondering if you’d do something along the lines of reader taking a hit for them? I was hoping for Mercy, kiriko, and junker queen. If that’s too many just mercy is fine! Feel free to ignore if this isn’t up your alley

Babes it is no problem at all, thank you for your request.

Mercy, Kiriko, and Junker Queen’s reaction to Reader getting shot on their behalf

Warnings: shooting, violence, near death experiences

Mercy

“We are taking on fire, I’ve got eyes on Angela, we need an evac route now-“ you where cut off as the ground exploded nearby. The omnic that sent the attack was huge, a tourette built into its chest and smaller impuls cannons on its shoulders.

The combat medic to your right was doing the best she could with her blaster, but it wasn’t quite sufficient. The omnic she did manage to land a hit on, took notice of her presence, b-lining for her cover.

“Angie! Go!” You made a break for the debris she was crouched behind, taking out the opposition closest to you as you went. The race between you and the omnic was dire and no one would stand in your way.

You shot at the robot as you went, never seeming to deter it as you scramble over rubble.

“Come here!” You had thrown down your bag, a small barrier forming around it as you continued. She hat gotten with in arms reach of you and you yanked her into your chest by her hand. Whipping her around, you shoved her into the barrier as you heard the omnic open fire.

The first shot hit your shoulder, the second, your back. You collapsed onto your knees, immediately reaching for the grenades in your pocket. You glance over at the Medic behind you, ‘it’s gonna be ok,’ you mouthed, before throwing whatever you had at the omnic, and dragging your body under the barrier with her.

She immediately started attempting to mend your wounds, putting pressure on your shoulder, “That was reckless, and stupid. Don’t ever risk yourself like that again.”

“No ‘thank you for saving my ass,’ huh?”

“No, because if you died out there and I couldn’t get to you I’d curse you forever,”you finally met her gaze, seeing the sincerity in her face, and the frustration in her eyes.

“I won’t, and I never will. Can’t meet the angels when I’m already bound to one,” you smiled and interlocked your fingers together, and that’s how you stayed until backup arrived.

Kiriko

You had decided to stay over at her apartment after an at home dinner date turned a bit steamy. You were curled up behind her, an arm wrapped around her waist as you slept.

You both stirred at the sound of glass breaking, and two distinct thuds sounding from the front room.

“Were you expecting someone?” You sat up, looking towards the door.

“No, but I’m guessing it’s those stupid yakuza from a few weeks back,” you both got out of bed, throwing on shirts and shorts before grabbing your weapons of choice, “How’d you get your hands on that?”

Kiriko watched as you pulled a pistol and silence from your bag, walking to the door as you threaded them together. She didn’t typically ask many questions about what you did, she just trusted you weren’t anything terrible.

“Called in a favor from a friend,” you shrugged and headed out first, sweeping the hall before heading to the front room.

You rounded the corner and were immediately met with a barrage of bullets, going back around the corner and crouching.

“Two gunmen, behind the kitchen counter.”

You both crawled your way behind the couch, taking opposite ends, in order to separate them. As soon as you aimed was as soon as you where shot, the bullet tipping through your bicep and making you drop the gun.

“Shit!” You picked the gun up in your other hand and shot back four times, each shot hitting you assailant’s chest, “how’s it coming on your end?”

You watched in awe as your girlfriend threw the last of her kunai, it burrowing itself into the neck of her attacker.

“All is good now- you are hurt,” she chided you as an ofuda appeared in her hand.

“Nothing but a flesh wound. You know it’s not the worst I’ve gotten.”

“That doesn’t make it any better,” she laid the glowing paper over the bullet wound, it dissolving as quickly as it was placed.

“So,” you look up at her and flex your arm a bit, “do you want to handle these now, or do I call my cleaners and they will be here in 20?”

“Call them anyway, we will get started. I don’t like blood sitting in the carpet that long.”

Junker Queen

“Alrighty you scavengers, scumbags and assorted Junkers!” You stood on the rotating pedestal, mic in hand as you faced the crowd in its entirety, “You know what tonight is, you know what you're here for! The Reckoning is here and all of your competitors are more than ready for battle!”

The crowd cheered as you went through your welcome, introducing each of the opponents as you made your way out of the ring.

“Tonight, as usual,” you had stopped in front of a large Garage door, it slowly lifting to reveal Odessa, “the crown is up for grabs, and as your Matron of Affairs,” you leant up, taking the crown off her head and placing it on your own, “I will be holding onto it till a winner is confirmed.”

“You know, if you wanted to wear the crown you could just ask,” Dez bent down and whispered to you.

“Why would I do that when I get to wear it here?” You plopped yourself on the throne behind her, blowing her a kiss and bringing the mic back to your lips, “if all the challengers are ready, then I say it’s a go!”

You watched as everyone immediately hopped into action, commentating on each of the blows traded between fighters.

The power and rage exuding from the ring was already immense, but with a few choice words you knew you could get the pot boiling a whole lot faster.

“Well tonight doesn’t look so promising! Will these flimsy foes bring your Queen to her knees?” You held the mic out to hear a few gnarly cheers and boos come back to you, a smile coming to your lips as you egged on the crowd, “or will my knight in rusty armor return once more to the place she belongs?”

“We want to see some blood!”

“Quit fighting like a bunch of broads!”

“You’ve got nothing on the Queen!”

Bingo. One by one the comments flew in, like gnats in the face of a bull. One wouldn’t do much on its own, but dozens? This will give you the entertainment you want, and your girlfriend the fight she has been itching for.

Metal flew, noses were broken, teeth were scattered and you were reveling in it. A pile had amassed on the floor, injured bodies and weapons alike joining the mass as Dez plowed through the competition, sending you little winks and smiles throughout the match.

After the last man fell, you stood from the throne, extending a hand to your girlfriend.

“We all knew it was coming but never this soon! It must be record time!” As Odessa made her way to you, neither of you noticed the last man moving, ever so slightly.

“Your Reckoning Champion, for yet another time, your Junker Quee-“ the crowd went quiet before you realized what had happened, Odessa had rushed to your side, holding you up as you put your hand on the wound.

“You bitch! You ruined my commentary!” You put pressure on the gunshot wound, falling to your knees with the woman who anchored you by your side.

“One of yous better get some help or I start taken heads to bowl with!” She boomed out to the crowd, several of the junkets getting up t from their seats, possibly to leave, possibly to help.

As soon as someone came to your aid, she let you go, leaning you in their hands.

“You can take my crown, my city, and my life,” the anger that surrounded her body could make ever the toughest men quiver, “but you shot my woman? Why is that? Where you aiming for me, and just missed completely? I think you are just stupid enough for that to possibly be the situation, right?”

She had gotten with in inches of this man, Carnage appearing in her hand at a frightening speed, “But I think, you are so dumb, you decided to shoot the messenger, so no one could win? Hmm? Am I getting it right?”

The man shuttered, putting his head down and shaking his head.

“I don’t like that answer,” she threw the ax down next to him, his whole body quivering, “try that again.” He didn’t say anything, keeping his head down, “I said, try it again!”

Her foot collided with his chest and he was on the ground in an instant, his hands scrambling for purchase. She crouched before him, the tip of her knife coming to his chin.

“She is gonna make it out alive, I know that. But if she needs a few organs to do it, I’ll rip you apart to start looking for ‘em. Got it?” He was crying at this point, nodding his head profusely.

“Good. Don’t go anywhere,” she gave him a wink, Medford using the handle of her knife to knock him out, standing up and pushing his limp body away with her foot.

[assistantquail]

Well damn... (Adults) 1/2

Male reader is left with no choice but to use a female avatar, not that he minds using it on the first place, to save their best friend's life. 

Characters: Jake, Neytiri, Tsu'tey

Pronouns: They/Them 

Warnings: Cursing, injury, mentions of blood, Jake is shot in every headcannon in this part (bc why not), kithes?, simps, everyone is bi >:3, gender is a social construct, idk a thing about injuries or fighting, ooc

The timelines are different per character;

Jake & Neytiri: After the RDA left

Tsu’tey: Before the big battle

(None of the ff images/gifs are mine)

Continue reading...

Jake Sully 

He didn't know what to do at first but this is definitely not doing any good for his chest... His heart and the bullet wound- 

“I've been shot, I'll be needing some back up” 

The man is applying pressure to his injury, leaning on to the tree as he issues orders for the spotters to return.

“Copy that, back up is on the way” Norm's voice can be heard from the earpiece as he hears a mellow voice in the background saying that someone is already on the move.

Since the humans retreated and Jake knew that this area is sort of close to where his comrades are located, he decided to ask for their help as he broke off from the Navi group before the battle.

Luckily the bullet missed his vital organs but it might’ve grazed through his veins, rendering his legs useless. Making him feel a bit panicked whether or not this is temporary, silently praying to Eywa for strength. He already lived through having crippled legs in his first life, will he experience the same now?

What if he can never use his legs again? What if-

“You idiot! This isn’t a minor injury!” A voice pulled him out of his thoughts, his eyes trailed to you in your avatar form. An unfamiliar Navi yet he feels like you look familiar. That eye shape, nose, lips, and 5 fingers...

“Who- wait, Y/N!?”

“No shit sherlock” You rolled your eyes while approaching him, taking the bag of materials off your shoulder. His mouth formed an ‘o’ and he can’t help but study your form. You glared at him when you saw that he was eyeing your chest, throwing bandages at his face.

“Eyes up here skxawng”

You placed your hand under his chin, forcing him to look up. Still speechless from seeing you, he just kept staring and you’re starting to feel bare in front of him.

He saw you hissed at him playfully, but that look on your face is hot-

To distract yourself, you started to inspect the wound, you brushed your fingers near the bullet hole.

At this moment, Jake doesn’t know what to feel. He thought that he has great self-control and he can manage his expressions whenever you’re near but this is an impossible task now.

Do not get him wrong, he loves you dearly in your human form with the size difference between you and him. But seeing your avatar, despite being a female, still has your prominent features that fit greatly to the Navi beauty standards.

When he felt your fingers under his chin, making him stare into your golden eyes, he wanted to melt into a puddle.

He wanted to say something but he is sure that his voice will betray him and make him seem unmanly which is the last thing he needs you to see.

However, when you touched him, his will power almost vanished completely. This is a huge foul! He’s getting overstimulated by a lot of things at once: your touch, gaze, heat radiating from you, and his heart.

This is all too much for the man. He was as silent and still as a rock, the whole time you were treating his injury. You can feel his intense gaze on you as you tried to brush it off before you do something.

You thought he’ll tease you throughout this encounter but you were met with serenity and it’s making you feel awkward. You would rather listen to Jake make fun of you or just listen to him say anything than this.

Is it that weird? Do you look unattractive? Is he disgusted?

Those thoughts are plaguing the back of your mind, you’ve always wanted to let him know about your avatar but you’ve never really thought it will happen today.

When Norm told you that Jake was shot and needed help, you went to your pod and took off, no questions asked. This man will be the death of you but living without him is just as bad.

The silence is slowly breaking your heart which made you work faster, so that you can get out of there and look for a hole to hide in.

Rather than suffer, you decided to talk instead.

“What happened o mighty Toruk Makto? I never thought that you will get injured this bad...”

You were met with silence so you just chuckled nervously, hoping that he doesn’t notice your struggle.

Not even want to see the expression on his face, you hurried to tie the bandage around the injured area and secure the wound to stop bleeding.

“You are free to go now, just do not use your leg too much for a couple of days” You picked up the scattered materials you’ve used and stuffed them in your bag, swinging it over your shoulder as you looked at everything else but him, “Well I’ll be out of your hair now, I don’t want to taint your eyes any longer”

You felt yourself wince at your words, internally face palming yourself while you walk away.

“Wait no” A familiar hand fell on your arm, immobilizing you from taking your escape.

Jake finally got himself together when he saw that you were walking away, his body reacted before his brain. He wants you to stay, he wants to tell you how beautiful you are, avatar or not.

“Sorry if I was being a skxawng, your beauty just caught me off guard that I almost couldn’t stop myself from taking you”

He stared at your face, engraving every detail in his face as he watches your eyes widen and cheeks turn purple. Which gives him a boost of confidence to caress your face in his hand.

“This isn’t how I wanted to confess but I’ll be damned if others want to start courting you”

“Oel ngati kameie Y/N”

Your lips trembled, seeing the man you’ve always wanted, look at you with such an expression.

“Oel ngati kameie Jake, I always have”

This would’ve been a heartfelt moment but Jake couldn’t help but smack your butt.

Extra:

“Cat got your tongue or is it just me?” This made you want to take back your confession and just unalive this man.

“Shut up or I’ll feed you to the direwolves”

Neytiri 

Neytiri had never imagined Y/N as a Navi or a female one because they already look very attractive in their human form, but she would've kneeled and thank Eywa for being blessed by the view of it weren't for the current situation.

You shot up from your spot when you heard that Jake is injured and their coordinates are close to where you are doing research. There is no problem with heading into the battlefield, you're a skilled Navy and healer despite being younger than him. But there is this tiny problem that might hinder you from going... 

Your avatar body, which was previously your sister's who sadly had to remain on earth to recuperate from her injuries. There is nothing wrong with its quality though! You love how everything looks because it resembles you a lot, but only a few people knew how your avatar looks like. Adding the fact, that your crush is certainly there as Jake's right hand woman, you are not sure how she will react to seeing you like this. 

Internally groaning, your morals overpowered the embarrassment that will be bestowed upon you as you sadly see Jake as your family.

“I’m almost there, just hang on” You spoke to the walkie-talkie, doing a great job avoiding obstacles that are blocking your way as you pray to Eywa for guidance.

On the other side of the area, the idiot who got shot is currently being hidden as the other Navis are retreating 

“Neytiri, your mouth is gonna catch some flies from how wide it is” 

With you there, she held back from hissing towards and throwing this skxawng who still had the nerve to make fun of her while bleeding on the ground.

You gestured "I see you" to Neytiri with a smile before approaching your sworn brother. Trying to play this situation coolly as you don't want to embarrass yourself in the presence of the Navi princess, who you've been pining on for years since you did not use your avatar with anyone knowing but the scientists and Jake... Probably Tsu'tey too... 

The woman just stared at your form, as you turn your back on her to check up on Jake. She didn’t even notice how she kept staring at you until Jake made fun of her which resulted to a smack on his head.

The moment you saw the injury, your personality did a switch becoming a professional medic drowning out the environment to focus on the man in front of you.

“Don't take this the wrong way, but I would prefer to get invited over on random times and not in every situation where you're close to dying from foolishness” Mutters fell from your lips, as you examined the severity of the injury. The bullet almost made an exit hole, which thankfully missed his vital organs.

A pair of golden eyes watched you from behind, curiously looking at all your features. She wonders why your waist seems to be smaller than hers despite being almost having the same height (slutty waist ya got there).

She went beside you, staring at the side of your face while you and Jake are bickering like children. Your freckles framed your face perfectly, highlighting the facial features that Neytiri adores whenever you stop by the clan, in your human form.

“That's not how you should talk to an injured person” Jake huffed, rolling his eyes at you. He then took note of how his right hand woman is still looking at you like you're the only person in Pandora. 

A hand met the back of Jake's head rather roughly as the slap echoed around the area. “Hey, you don't hit an injured person!” He puts his hand on his chest, wearing a betrayed look on his face.

“Be glad that I don't hit women” Your shoulders tensed as you take a deep breath, pressing your fingers against your temple.

“I pray to Eywa for patience” Neytiri watched in silence, imagining what it would be like to hold your hand. Seeing you stressed by this skwawng made her want to hold you close, it is not the first time she thought of acting on her feelings.

“Don't you usually pray for strength?” Jake retorted like he wasn't the one bleeding on the floor, still focused on winning this silly argument. 

“I need patience to not throw hands with an already injured skxawng”

The Navi princess felt jealous that Jake was being touched by your precious hands while she has never felt your skin on hers. All your attention was on him and she knows that her thoughts are childish, but she can’t help it.

When you turned to get some materials from your bag, you met face to face with Neytiri. You both are inches away from each other, her eyes glowed majestically in your perspective. You have never been this close to her, you became more aware with the freckles on her face.

Eyes trailing to her nose then lips. While you did not even notice that she was doing the same, Neytiri is drilling the memory of you into her heart, making sure not to forget any detail of how your eyes shine like the sun.

You both were staring at each other with so much love that Jake had to stop himself from gagging, do not get him wrong, he is your biggest shipper but he would rather not be forced to watch this.

“Can you guys undress and mate later? There’s a dying person here-”

Again, a slap met the back of his head but it was from Neytiri as you covered your face in embarrassment. Your throat let out some nervous chuckles as you finished wrapping the bandages, you can feel the heat gathering on your cheeks and ears.

But inside you were glad that she did not seem to treat you any differently, this was a huge step up for you. You can feel her eyes as you stood up. “Well um you are all better, now I will just bounce-”

“Y/N...”

That was all it took for you to give her all of your attention again, oh Eywa you are such a himbo.

“Can I meet you later at the entrance of the clan”

“Huh-?” Your brain filtered out whatever she just said, you were too busy trying not to melt under her gaze so you just nodded your head.

“Perfect, we shall have what you humans call as a date”

Tsu'tey 

Jake nudged the Navi with an all knowing smirk creeping on his face. Just a moment ago, Tsu'tey was focused on keeping other dreamwalkers away from this skxawng who got shot but now he can't tear his eyes away from this one female dreamwalker who is running toward them. His instinct is telling him not to shoot but his chest somehow makes him feel like they are familiar with each other.

“Take a picture it will last longer- ow!” 

The injured Navi held his shoulder that was punched aggressively to soothe the ache. Jake glared at his sworn brother while he got hissed back.

“Alright, I kind of deserved that”

When the female Navi nodded towards them, all of Tsu’tey’s attention is back on them, on you.

“Oel ngati kameie” You greeted them, facing Tsu’tey with a shy smile before turning your focus on Jake. Your tongue made a clicking noise as you examine the injury, the bullet runs deep but not that fatal if treated quickly.

The young Navi cannot help but feel envy as the injured skxawng gets to receive your attention, on the other hand he is using your moment of distraction to study your features.

Your avatar has the features of the female Navi, noticeable from your height and figure shape. Is this the reason why you disappeared for so long? Did you not want him to know?

He was not able to catch a glimpse of you for the whole week which is why he is “more grumpy than usual” in Jake's words which he wholeheartedly denied.

“Hey there gorgeous, where have you been the whole time?” Jake grins at you wearing the playboy smirk, making you roll your eyes at him.

You gagged at his attempt to tease you in front of your crush. “I think I just threw up, please spare me”. After giving him a short examination, you placed your hand on the ground beside you.

The bag full of medicinal herbs, bandages, etc is something you bring along everywhere for emergencies. That’s one of the things Tsu’tey loves about you, always looking after others before yourself. It is a double-edged sword, no doubt, but that is where he comes in.

He always makes sure to take care of you and remind you to take a break. You are well aware that he shows his affection through actions and acts of service rather than vocalizing his thoughts.

The two of you sort of have an ambiguous relationship? You gift him some crafts you make whenever you stop by every other day for research, the whole clan welcomes you with open arms since you aided Grace with her school before the whole fiasco happened.

You are well aware that the corporate people have some things hidden in their sleeves, you have seen glimpses and whispers of their plan but you have no power to put a stop on it.

So you are glad that they accepted Jake into their clan, not really but you suspect he is close. You and Tsu’tey were able to amend your friendship with each other in your human form, hopefully developing something more, but deep inside you know very well that Navis only mate with Navis. Plus you are a man! You cannot give birth to an heir...

A human can never be with a Navi, especially if the Navi is next in line as Olo’eyktan of the Omatikaya clan. The man also lost his future mate because of your kind, for Eywa’s sake!

Without you knowing, Tsu’tey has already thought of those. He actually prayed to Eywa for guidance, if what he is feeling is just temporary because he does not know how to deal with these type of things. 

He is a warrior, who lost his fated mate almost a year ago. He loved her, they were supposed to be together forever...

It seems that Eywa have other plans for him because he met you.

As your body worked like a robot, familiar with what needs to be done with muscle memory, you placed your hand down without looking. But you felt that you touched something warm, your head quickly turns to Tsu’tey.

His hand was holding the bandages you were about to retrieve, you made eye contact with him for a few seconds before realizing that you were still holding his hand.

“Thank you- and sorry about that!” You squeaked as you took the bandages from him.

“There is no need for that, this is such a simple thing” His voice was lower than usual, is it because you have not heard him for so long? But it sent you feeling some shivers down your spine.

You flashed him a smile, showing your fangs and it nearly took him out. So he just looked at you as you turned your attention back on your best friend.

Jake watched this painful love show playing in front of him, he cringed at how awkward you both were acting.

Tsu’tey stayed silent again, he was thinking of what to say to you. Should he compliment you? Ask how you are doing?

At first it is because, of how you took his breath away from your form. You have always been an attractive human but now that you are in Navi form, his willpower almost became nonexistent.

He wanted to take you away and make you be worry free but he knows that this is not the right time. He does not know when that time will be, where both of you can finally let go of what is stopping you from being together.

For now, he can be satisfied with how things are, he just does know until when he can keep it all together. With your avatar, he will make sure that no man dares to covet you...

Extra:

Tsu’tey hands you a necklace after bringing Jake back to the Hometree, this is the first gift you have received from him and you could not stop smiling. He offered to put it on you, which you just nodded at him.

Feeling his fingers brush on your neck, you let out a laugh because you are ticklish. Your body reacted by holding his hand to stop him from tickling you and your hand fits perfectly in his.

Next Part: Tonowari, Ronal, and Quaritch (Male reader)

I will also be uploading another version with Neteyam, Lo’ak, Kiri, Tsireya, Aonung, and Roxto. Tell me what you guys think as I need constructive criticism QvQ.

Female reader version

[cozyqueerchaos]

Protective Sonic Sonadow edition hc’s?👀💕✨

EEEEE ANON U ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE <3 - sonic often fusses over shadow's injuries (which shadow is v unused to since he heals)!! shadow will come home with a gaping wound and sonic will freak out and force him to sit down and let him bandage it lol - on that note, he's very gentle with shadow outside of fights (which often leads to more fights haha) - sonic hates all government bullshit but he tries extra hard to be a dick to GUN agents, on shadow's behalf. shadow says it's unnecessary but GUN doesn't know they're dating so there's no real need to put a stop to it :> - sonic will drape himself over shadow when he feels like shadow's in danger. shadow will be talking to some asshole and/or villain and sonic will walk over, rest his chin on shadow's shoulder from behind, and give them the most threatening smile you've ever seen in ur life - they definitely argue about who gets to give who their jacket when it rains

BONUS,, excerpt from a fic i may or may not ever finish:

The edges of Shadow’s lips quirk, annoyance falling away to reveal Sonic’s fucking amazing boyfriend who worries way more than is really necessary. “Sounds like a good way to kill an afternoon,” Shadow says, then looks very much like he regrets that word choice. 

His face falls, not back into anger but definitely not amused, either. Something sad and quiet. Something Sonic sees more often than the rest of the world ever gets to; the traumatized mess of a person Sonic has fallen terribly, blessedly in love with.

“Hey,” Sonic says, and Shadow raises his eyes from the floor to refocus on him. His arms are crossed, as they always are the second Shadow begins feeling unsafe, but if anything it makes him appear more vulnerable. “I’m okay, yeah? I’m not leaving you anytime soon.”

At least, he hopes not. But who can say, really? They live strange lives.

Shadow makes a pained noise, hands flying up to his quills. He glares at the ceiling like it’s personally wronged him, and it takes Sonic far too long to realize he’s trying not to cry. “That’s not- you know that’s not what I’m upset about.”

“I do?” Sonic asks, because he really fucking doesn’t.

Shadow stops, lowering his hands. He blinks, once, eyes wide and a little bit glassy. “...seriously?”

Sonic shrugs helplessly. He sort of wants to stand up and pull Shadow into his arms until that look is nothing but a bad memory, but he gets the feeling a hug may not be welcomed at this precise moment.

“Oh my god,” Shadow says disbelievingly. He doesn’t sound angry, just… bewildered. “Sonic. You jumped in front of a bullet for me.”

Sonic pauses, thinks back to earlier that day. Huh, yeah, that might’ve happened, but- “I didn’t get shot, though?”

“That’s not the point. There’s a difference between living dangerously and actively throwing yourself in harm’s way.”

“I was protecting you!” Sonic protests, but Shadow’s already waving him off.

“I’ve told you, I heal, you should always allow me to take hits-”

“I’m not gonna let you get hurt,” Sonic snarls, rage surprising even him. Shadow pauses in his rant, eyeing Sonic warily. “And you can’t heal if you’re dead.”

Shadow stands there for a long moment. He stares at Sonic with those steady crimson irises, all unearthly calm, and then says, completely serious, “I would always choose you over me.”

Sonic’s rage dies in his throat, and then it’s back twice as strong. “Well, that makes two of us, faker. Of course I’d die for you.”

It’s the wrong thing to say, and Sonic realizes it a millisecond too late. If Shadow was trying not to cry before, now he’s failing at it. “I don’t need more people dying for me, you idiot!” Shadow yells, rubbing at his eyes before they can get any glassier.

[bunbeeplays]

The Lemon Legacy: Generation 1, Chapter 119 - What a Beach

The Lemons are back and they're bumming it at the beach! Unfortunately, the Huff family is joining them because Gemma wanted to play with Jaden.

Calvin: Xander, hello. You look… urban.

Xander: Calvin. You look like you've got five minutes tops before you burst into flames.

The moms take their kids over to the shore to play.

Ophelia: Now don't go out too far, okay? Come get me or Daddy if you two need anything, got it?

Gemma: 'kay!

Gemma and Jaden wade into the water and have fun splashing around while Calvin starts grilling some hot dogs so he doesn't have to interact with anyone.

He loves his son, but he really can't stand being around him when he's with Gemma. He acts like such a… toddler!

Xander: I feel like you always get stuck talking to Anna. Want me to bite the bullet while you go play with Lulu and the bigger kids?

Ophelia: Knowing them, she'll think you're coveting another man's wife or something. I can put up with her for the kids. Go have fun.

Ophelia: What've you been up to?

Anna: Calvin was elected to be the treasurer of our church. Big responsibility, you know.

Ophelia: That's nice but I asked what YOU were up to.

Anna: Typical wife and mother duties. Probably not exciting to a woman of the world like yourself.

Ophelia: Uh… I'm a wife and mother too.

Anna: Yes, but you've got that big exciting career. A boring housewife probably doesn't interest a modern woman like you much.

The word 'modern' feels like a thinly veiled insult.

Ophelia: You're not just a housewife!

Ophelia: You've told me several times about all the ministry work you do for your church. Isn't that basically a job?

Anna: I-I suppose… But I do that in the name of the Watcher so it's a bit different.

Ophelia: It's great that you have something in your life besides Jaden and Calvin that gives you purpose. It's like that with my music for me.

Anna: Don't get me wrong, my main Watcherly purpose is to serve my husband and son!

Ophelia: Oh, of course. My family comes first too.

Ophelia: We're not so different, you and I.

Anna: I-I wouldn't go that far-

Ophelia: Your ministry work, with planning, meetings and events, would you say it takes like… 40 hours a week?

Anna: …I suppose.

Ophelia: Look at you, modern working girl!

Anna: L-Let's change the subject! Uh, the weather's been nice, right?

Ophelia wasn't sure that was going to work, but maybe now Anna will stop throwing her judgmental little digs into the conversation every five minutes.

Anna: That's a cute little swimsuit. I prefer to be more modest in my appearance. Don't want to be a stumbling block to our Brothers in Watching but I suppose I'm old-fashioned in that way.

Well, it was nice while it lasted.

Gemma and Jaden are having a blast in the water! Enjoy not being judged for your clothing or lifestyle choices while it lasts, kids!

Xander and Lulu are having fun too, at least.

Xander: You like the water, cupcake?

Lulu: 😄

Anna at least has one actual nice thing to say.

Anna: It's nice that your husband spends so much time with your girls. It's like pulling teeth getting Calvin to come with us to things, let alone getting him to actually play with our son.

Calvin pretends he didn't hear that.

Xander sets Lulu in the shade near Ophelia for a nap and comes to check in with the kids, who are building a sand sculpture.

Xander: What are you guys making?

Gemma: Cowplant!

Xander lets them do it themselves but still keeps an eye on them

Dealing with his parents might be a nightmare, but Jaden has been nothing but a sweetheart to Gemma. The two get along swimmingly. They somehow make a sand sculpture that actually looks pretty good.

Xander: Good job, you two! Stand in front of it, let me take a picture.

Anna: Jaden has a lot of fun with Miss Gemma. He… struggles fitting in with the kids at church. I'm glad he has a friend in her.

Sounds like it was hard for her to say that.

Ophelia: Jaden's a sweet kid. I'm glad he's Gemma's friend too.

That's one thing they can agree on!

[thoroughlymodernminutia]

This Christmas

Pairing: Benny "Borracho" Magalon x Reader

Word Count: 4,755

Summary: Benny tries to create a Christmas Eve for you during a hard time in your life.

Warnings: Kind of fluffy, but talk of grief, guilt, parental loss. Some foul language. If I missed anything else let me know and I'll add it in.

A/N: This is the first fic I've finished in over 20+ years so...it's probably mediocre at best. A lot has changed in how fics were written in late 90s and I'm still trying to grasp that. Fair warning: I am not a good writer unless it's an email. Apologies in advance if my inability to understand sentence structure is obvious and if there are any typos.

I love stupid lifetime and hallmark Christmas movies, so there are probably hints of that in this. I chose Benny because he had like 4 lines in Den of Thieves and he seemed easy to work with. The story has some personal meaning to me, so if you hate it just keep it to yourself lol

I also want to give a shout out to @mariamariquinha @the-hinky-panda @cheesybadgers @mysoulisasunflower and @bullet-prooflove for the encouragement and kind words when I posted about my hesitation in sharing this.

----------------------

The guys are sitting in their chairs, staring at Benny like he has three heads. He’d just spent the last 20 minutes explaining why he needs their help in a few days; on Christmas Eve. He wouldn’t be embarrassing himself like some love struck fool if he had any other choice.

“This is sick, Borracho. Really sick.” Zapata shakes his head as he breaks the silence.

“Didn’t realize you were so fucking romantic.” Henderson joins in.

Big Nick slaps his hand on Benny’s back as he passes him to go back to his office, “Count me out, shithead.” 

Benny groans and hangs head. He really should have just figured out a way to do this himself. Now he’ll never hear the end of it from these miserable fucks. And calling him a “romantic;" these idiots wouldn’t know romance if it punched them in their faces. It’s not even like he’s that romantic. They’re acting like it’s a crime to be thoughtful. 

He can’t help it if being a good detective makes him more attentive, more considerate in relationships. He’s always finding himself filing away little things that you mention–or don’t mention. He has a collection of these in his mind, some even from before you started dating. And now he wants to use all these bits and pieces of information to try to create the perfect Christmas Eve for you. Christmas Eve because he knows you love it more than the actual day itself. But the guys' blank stares and biting little remarks are not inspiring confidence. Benny runs his hands over his face and rolls his chair closer to the desk.

“Forget I said anything.”

“Look at this sad, sack of shit.” Connors is laughing and throws a paper clip at Benny. “You’re going to owe us big time, you know that right?”

Benny breathes a sigh of relief. The guys are definitely going to haunt him with this for as long as he lives, but it will be worth it.

“I know.”

—-

This is Benny’s first real Christmas with you. Although he secretly counts the morning of the previous Christmas Eve when he stopped by your donut shop Glazy For You. He wasn’t working and had no reason to be in the neighborhood. But he wanted to see you without all the other guys there. If they were all there, he wouldn’t have been able to work up the nerve to ask you out. They’d harass both of you to no end. When he stood in front of your counter and asked, he’ll never forget how you laughed. You questioned him if it was a ploy for a group of cops to get free donuts. Then you were quiet for a moment and he almost started talking to fill the silence. But then he heard you say yeah okay and it was like he had been struck by lightning. You wrote your number down on a business card and handed it to him. Benny struggled to play it cool while he was leaving only to break down and text immediately from his car. He thought if he waited even one second longer you’d change your mind. 

The first date was the week between Christmas and the New Year. That week is like a brief interlude in your life where anything can happen. Benny remembers that he must have been on that night because you stared intently whenever he spoke. He also remembers how beautiful you looked when you were talking about your work. The way you lit up when talking about Maple Bars made him laugh. He’d never met someone so in love with one type of donut. He could swear at one point when you were talking about them he saw your eyes actually sparkle. There was a familiarity throughout the date that made Benny feel immediately comfortable. The first date turned into a second date, and then a third. At some point when he was loading the dishwasher at your house, he realized he had stopped counting.

You both tried to keep the relationship quiet whenever the guys had stopped by to cure their hangovers with donuts and coffee. He knows how obnoxious they can be and he didn’t want them ruining anything. Ultimately, Benny ruins it for himself when he breaks the cardinal rule of never smiling while texting. When Connors had grabbed his phone and started showing how he has your contact name as Maple Bar—he knew there was no chance of keeping you to himself anymore.

Benny was right, of course. The next time they went, they practically dragged him in while shouting “Maple Bar” at you. You laughed as your face turned red, trying to play it off, but the secret was out. After the novelty of the relationship wore off for the guys, they started calling you “Benny’s girl”. Whenever he heard, he felt like the pit of his stomach was going to drop out. Things between you and the guys stayed largely the same—you joked around with them before and you joke around with them now. The only thing that’s different is Benny feels protective of you even though he knows you’re fine. That was another thing he filed away—that you were the first woman to actually appreciate his bond with the guys. You know they have his back and that’s what’s important to you. It’s just one of the reasons Benny’s love for you grows.

—-

Near the end of the summer your dad passed away suddenly. Benny was at work, but when he got your text, he called you asking where you were. He knew your family dynamics were difficult and he didn’t want you to be alone. He thinks maybe a different sort of man would have been scared by the rawness of the situation. That it would have been too much, too soon. But Benny doesn’t scare easily, so he sat with you on the floor, in the kitchen of your closed shop. He kept you close to him while you cried and listened as you told him how you felt stupid for crying because your relationship with your dad wasn’t the best. His chest tightened when you told him you felt like you didn’t deserve to feel sad. That sadness was reserved for a relationship that had been whole. Benny anchored you to him, afraid that if he let go, you might drift away.

Benny knows you tried to hide being sad after that. You sneak off to the bathroom to cry periodically and one time he follows you. Benny knows about stuffing feelings down—it’s part of his job—but he doesn’t want you doing the same. He gets you talking, you tell him you have this guilt for not attending the funeral. You couldn’t bring yourself to be in a room with his wife of only a few years making everything about herself. Especially after she wouldn’t let you come to their house to look through his things. He didn’t judge you for making that decision; he knows what it’s like to have to make choices not knowing if you are making the right one. Still, Benny’s heart would break when you would  refer to yourself as a horrible person, a horrible daughter. He knows he wasn’t a witness to many things in your life, but he also knows you’re not a bad person. He’s seen how you always step up to help people—giving your money or your time. You even kept Connors fed while he was on leave due to an injury. You give to others what you seem unable to give to yourself and it makes Benny’s heart ache

You seem okay until Thanksgiving with his parents. It was your first time meeting his family and in Benny’s eyes, it was a success. His parents loved you right away. His mom loved the extra help in the kitchen. His sister delighted in telling you the secrets of his childhood. His dad was impressed you owned your own business. But as you both sat in the car outside the house you broke down crying. You kept apologizing while telling him how wonderful his family is; how being around them reminded you that you’d never have another holiday with your dad. You explained how Christmas was his favorite holiday. That he would spend hours stringing up lights around the house before making spritz cookies with you. You took some shallow breaths trying to calm yourself down before listing all the Christmas Eve traditions your family had. That those memories somehow always eclipse the shittier parts of your childhood. Benny held your hand while you spoke. He knows what it’s like to lose people, in his line of work it’s inevitable. But he doesn’t know what it’s like to lose a parent so he stays quiet. When Benny feels you squeeze his hand it sparks something in him. He suddenly becomes very determined to make this Christmas Eve perfect for you.

—-

When December 24th finally arrives, Benny feels as excited as he did when he was a kid. He knew you would be working which gives him time to decorate your house. The only person that backs out from helping is Big Nick—but he never actually agreed so Benny can’t really hold it against him. He puts Connors and Henderson on Christmas lights duty. Benny takes the inside, he knows the guys well enough to not trust them to go through your things. 

Benny finds all of your Christmas decorations and another string of lights in the hallways closet. When he’s grabbing a box labeled ornaments off the shelf a box, wrapped in silver and red striped paper falls to the floor. When he picks it up to place it back on the shelf he catches a glimpse of the white tag on it—To: Benny. He can’t help but smile when he closes the door. 

While he is untangling the lights, Zapata comes in with a tree. Benny looks at it and laughs. It’s so sparse and wide he can see through it. 

“It’s the only one they had.” He shrugs as he props it up against the wall. 

Benny touches one of the branches. “It is a tree, so I guess you did what I asked.”

Zapata shakes his head. “Man, this is a crazy, fucking thing you’re doing.” 

Benny smiles to himself thinking that love will make you do crazy, fucking things.

“I know.”

Zapata leaves and he can hear him shouting up to Connors and Henderson on the roof. Benny can hear them talking about him using their standard terms of endearment: dickless, crazy asshole, and idiot. Benny doesn’t care, because Benny has you. 

It only takes a handful of hours for the guys to put the lights up outside and for Benny to finish decorating inside. The tree doesn’t look as bad once he wraps some lights around it and puts your ornaments up. He’s charmed by the fact you kept all these ornaments from when you were a kid–one for every year until you turned 18. He got some frosted glass spray and tries his best to make your windows look wintery. Finally, Benny wraps your gift in some plaid wrapping paper he found. He surprises himself by the fact that it doesn’t look like complete garbage.

—-

Your car is conveniently having its brakes repaired so Benny told you he would pick you up once you closed for the evening. You’d come back to his place for dinner and a movie and then call it a night. But Benny is sending Connors to pick you up instead. Benny is going to need the extra time to do something he hasn’t done since he was a kid—make cookies.

There’s a reason why Benny hasn’t made cookies in decades. He’s lost when it comes to anything more than standard kitchen fare. Spaghetti, grilling, he can do that just fine. But baking might as well be nuclear science. He’s grateful your kitchen is 90% baking supplies, it saves him from having to fumble around a store looking for all of it.

You have so many recipe books he doesn’t know where to begin. He tries looking through them, but gives up and resorts to googling one on his phone. He thinks maybe it’s cheating to look up the recipe online, but how many variants of this could there be? Somewhere between the 1st and 10th recipe he looks at he finally notices the jump to recipe feature; saving him from the life stories of food bloggers. He settles on one that has minimal backstory, thinking that means it’s an easier.

By the time Benny is done he has what seems like 10 dozen cookies and has made a mess of your entire kitchen. He doesn’t know how he used almost every single dish you have to make one kind of cookie. He tries one of them and he can’t tell if they are supposed to taste like that or if he fucked something up. For Benny, the most pathetic part of the whole thing was that he had to call his mother. A grown, adult man Face Timing his mother because he couldn’t figure out how to work a cookie press. He didn’t realize it would be more complicated than cleaning a gun. He knows he’ll never live this down.

—-

You’re waiting outside of your shop for Benny when you see Connors’ car pull up. Your stomach tightens automatically when you see him step out of the car. Your mind goes to the worst, that something’s happened to Benny.

“Hey Murph, is everything okay?” 

“Borracho got called into work. Asked me to take you home.” 

Once you know Benny is okay your mind goes to how much you hate his nickname. It’s so totally unrepresentative of the man you know.

“Oh, he should have texted. I could have just taken an Uber or something.” 

“You can pay me if it makes you feel better.” 

You laugh as you double check the lock on your security gate. 

“I know how you drive. If you get me home in one piece, then we can discuss your fee.” 

As you get in the car you can hear Connors go on and on about how excellent of a driver he is. You roll your eyes as you put your seatbelt on. 

You’re thankful for the mostly quiet car ride to your house. Connors fills you in on why Benny had to go into work. For whatever reason he seems to be laying it on a little thick—a string of toy store robberies makes it sound like he just watched Home Alone 2. At any moment you feel like he is going to mention a woman covered in pigeons. You don’t think you’ve ever said ‘uh huh’ so much in your life. 

On the drive you see so many houses lit up with Christmas lights and decorations in yards that it starts to make you sad. Sad that you didn’t even get a tree. Sad that you won’t be able to spend your first real Christmas together, together. The Christmas Eve when he asked you out probably only counts in your mind. It still feels strange—the fact that he asked you out. From the first time he came in you developed a little crush. Initially, you didn’t know he was a cop. If you had, it might have stifled your growing crush a bit. You liked that he stood out in that pack of loud voices by not being one. The first time he spoke to you, you wondered how a man with a neck tattoo could have a voice as soft as his. And he was so handsome on that first date in his dark green flannel. You loved the gray speckled in his facial hair; it gave you the impression he was a serious kind of guy, not prone to playing games.

You sigh loud enough that Connors gives you a weird look and you try to pretend like it was yawn. You look back out to the houses and think maybe being alone tonight is better. You’ve been a real fucking downer lately and why ruin a perfectly good Christmas Eve for someone else.

—-

Connors stops at the bottom of a driveway belonging to a house that’s not yours. It looks like your house—a small, one-story, dark blue house with white trim, a small porch, and a window looking out to the street. But you know your house does not have Christmas lights. And this house masquerading as yours, is all lit up.

“This is not my house.”

“Yeah it is.” Connors points and you see Benny standing on the porch, illuminated by the lights. 

“You’re such an asshole.” You blink back the tears that are on the edge of falling. 

He laughs, “Yeah, I know.” 

You thank Connors before getting out of the car. You have a feeling he did more than just give you a ride home. When you step out of his car and close the door behind you, you stand for a moment staring at your house. You don’t think you've ever seen it look so beautiful. It looks like a painting with Benny standing there looking so beautiful too in his dark green flannel buttoned all the way to the top. 

“I knew something was up when Murph was reciting the plot to Home Alone 2 as your work emergency.” 

You give a sly smile as you walk up your porch steps. You can hear Connors’ car idling until Benny waves and he drives off.

“I knew I should’ve had Henderson pick you up.” 

You kiss Benny lightly and wrap your arms around his neck. 

“If I’d known you were breaking out the formal flannel, I would have dressed up.” 

Benny laughs as he takes one of your hands in his. He looks at you in your sugar and icing stained t-shirt and jeans. You look so pretty standing there he almost says what he’s been holding in for months, but stops himself.

“You look perfect.”

Benny squeezes your hand as he brings you into the house. 

—-

You’re overwhelmed when you see everything. You see the tree decorated with your ornaments. It’s so breathtaking, better than any tree you’ve ever seen in your life. But you know that even if it was just a branch tacked to your wall you’d feel the same way. Before you can turn around to tell Benny how much you love it, he’s next to you.

“It’s a little sparse, I know.“ 

You look at him looking at the tree.

“Benny,” you stop to choke down the sob that’s building in your throat, “it’s wonderful. This tree is perfect. It’s all perfect.” 

And everything is. The garland he’s hung around your house. The haphazard fake frostiness added to the windows. The cinnamon scented candles he’s lit all around your living room. It’s like being in a snow globe after everything has settled.

“A lot of sap in here! Looks great. A little full. A lot of sap.”

You didn’t even catch that the television was on, but when you hear it, you know exactly what it is. You turn around and see that Benny has Christmas Vacation playing. That’s the thing that finally pushes you over the edge. This movie that you watched every Christmas Eve since you can remember. The movie that perfectly encapsulates what Christmas meant to you as a kid. The sadness you’ve been feeling and now suddenly the joy you’re experiencing because of Benny finally all bubbles to the surface.

You bury your face in his neck and start to cry for everything that you know you’ll miss but also for what you have right now. His body acts as a solid mass you can lock yourself to. Benny is kissing the top of your head and you’d be embarrassed if it was anyone else witnessing this. But with Benny you know he won’t judge you. He will give you exactly what you need, even when you don’t know you need it.

You pull back and look at him. He cups your face in his hands and brushes the tears from your face with his thumb.

“I miss him, Benny.” 

“You’re allowed to miss him.” 

When Benny says it, you feel like a weight has been lifted off of you. The weight of the self-inflicted punishment for mourning something that wasn’t perfect. You take a step back from him and look around the room again. You want to remember this moment as it is.

“This means everything to me. I hope you know that.”

“I have something else. Stay here.” 

Benny can feel his heart vibrating in his chest as he goes to the kitchen to grab a plate of cookies. He holds it behind his back until he’s in front of you. When you look down at the plate he sees you smile as you grab a wreath shaped cookie off the plate.

“You made these?”

Before he can answer you, you take a bite. He can see your face changing from excitement to what can only be described as delighted horror. Benny’s chest tightens knowing he messed something up.

“Uh….what’s wrong?”

“I think you mixed up the salt and sugar measurements.”

You see Benny’s face fall and you feel so bad that you finish the cookie in your hand and grab another one.

“Don’t eat it!” 

He quickly knocks the cookie out of your hand. You grab another one and he does the same thing. He drops the plate on the floor and it’s all so magically bizarre that you start laughing and can’t stop. You try to say something but you end up in a fit of giggles that makes Benny start laughing. 

“It’s happened to me before. Don’t worry about it.” You manage to wheeze the words out as you wipe the tears–happy tears–from your eyes.

Benny gets serious for a moment, “I just wanted this whole night to be perfect.”

You step over the pile of cookies on the floor and kiss him gently on the lips. He rests his hand on your low back and sighs into you. 

You whisper against his lips, “I can’t imagine anything more perfect than what you’ve done for me.”

Benny rests his forehead against yours, “I have one more thing for you. I didn’t bake it, so don’t worry.”

You smile, “I have something for you too.” 

You break out of his hold and go to the hallway closet. Benny crouches down and gathers the cookies that dropped on the floor back onto the plate. He can’t believe he used so much salt and didn’t even notice. As he’s placing the plate on your coffee table he sees you by the tree holding the wrapped box he spotted earlier. You pick up a thin box wrapped in plaid paper. You walk over to the couch and hand Benny his gift.

“Open yours first.” Benny nods to the gift wrapped in plaid paper that you’re holding as he sits down.

Benny watches you sit down as you carefully undo the ribbon and slide your finger underneath the tape. He’s never seen someone unwrap a gift so carefully and it makes him smile.

“Oh Benny, you remembered.” 

Benny watches you run your hand over the open box containing The Polar Express book set with the silver bell and cassette tape. He remembered the time the movie came on and you complained how it could never compare to the book illustrations and the William Hurt narration. You told him that you always listened to it as a family before you got too old to think it was cool. When you said it he saw the look on your face and he did what he always does; he filed it away.

“Guess who learned about Etsy this year?” 

The face Benny makes, causes you to laugh. The thought of him making an account and searching for this is a gift in and of itself.

“I would have paid to see that.” You look back at the book, “This is the best gift. Thank you.” 

You lean across the small gap between the two of you and kiss him. It’s deeper this time and you can feel the little moan that comes out of Benny’s mouth making you smile. The scratch of his facial hair on your face is a reminder to you that even though Benny seems tough on the outside he’s the exact opposite with you.

You shift back to your seat and nod at the gift Benny is turning over in his hands. He holds it still for a moment before opening it. He takes an opposite approach in unwrapping; ripping the ribbon off, and tearing through the paper. When he opens the box he’s surprised to see a watch that looks exactly like the one he had lost while he was out working on a case. This was right around the time you two had started dating and he wasn’t even aware you had ever paid attention to it. It was a watch he had worn forever—his favorite watch. And when he couldn’t find an exact replacement, he settled on a lesser watch, a watch that never quite measured up. But this, this was it. This was his watch.

“How did you—“

“You’re not the only Etsy user around here.” 

Benny laughs as he takes off the watch he’s wearing to put this one on. You had planned on finding it for his birthday, but it took longer than expected. You can’t even remember how many places you went searching for a watch you could only describe from memory. It was a gift that you bought to hopefully express your love to him when you were afraid to say the words out loud.

Benny grabs your hand and yanks you on top of him. His arm wraps around your waist, his brown eyes looking into you, trying to determine if it’s something he should say now or if he should wait. He knows he could have—should have—said it months ago. Now, there’s something now about the way you’re cradling his face with your hands. Or how your eyes are locked on his own, that is making him loopy.

“I love you..” he stammers to correct himself, “I’ve loved you.” 

He blurts it out like a criminal breaking down and confessing a crime. You’re both still and Benny’s worried he’s made a mistake. But then you run your hand over his hair and back down to his cheek–it makes Benny twitch. You kiss the crown of his head, the side of his nose, his jaw, and then his lips. 

“I love you too, Benny.”

Benny’s skin prickles when you say his name. He shifts so he’s more upright, holding you in his lap. 

“You’re so beautiful.” He buries his face in your chest and squeezes you against him. “I love you so much.” 

You’re thinking of how Benny’s hold on you feels like you’re finally home when something catches your eye through the window.

“I think it’s snowing?”

You climb off of Benny and you both turn to look out of the window. There’s a flurry of white flakes all around your front yard. Benny sees you staring slack jawed through the window and starts to laugh.

“Come on.” He stands up from the couch and tilts his head towards the front door. 

You get up and follow him outside onto your porch. You see a layer of snow covering the grass in your yard and don’t understand how it’s snowing in Los Angeles when it’s 70 degrees out. You stick your hand out and feel the crisp flakes land and melt into your palm.

“How?” You look at Benny and he’s smiling. He points to a man in the corner of your yard with some kind of machine and you finally realize where it’s coming from.

“Compliments of Big Nick!” The man yells it across the yard.

Benny can’t believe that shithead Nick came through. He knows he’ll be paying him back for the rest of his life. But when he looks at you watching the snow like it's some kind of Christmas miracle it doesn’t matter, Benny would pay him back ten lifetimes over. He feels the sting of tears in his eyes and pulls you to him resting his head on top of yours.

“Merry Christmas, Maple Bar.”

“Merry Christmas, Benny.”

[americaswritings]

Never until now

Warnings: Suicide, throwing up, angst, hurt, fluff

Summary: When the prisoner shoots himself to donate a part of his liver, you’re there instead of Claire (1x15).

Words: 4.6k

Pairing: Neil Melendez x resident!reader (can be read as Neil x Claire on my ao3) 

A/N: I wish they would have adressed Claire’s feelings after what she witnessed. It was a traumatic event and I think it should have been talked about. This is my take on what could have happened instead. I hope you enjoy!

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Masterlist

“Please, Boris, put down the gun”, you tried to get through to the prisoner standing in front of you, his gun pointed towards the head of one of the security men. You had always prided yourself in your ability to connect with patients, but now you felt as though your words were meaningless.

He had already made his decision, even before the moment he had sprung up and attacked them. What was even worse was that Alex seemed to support his action, his words hinting that his death could allow him to make the donation he so desperately wanted.

You frankly shook your head, feeling helpless as you tried to overtalk him. You were running out of time. You could feel the prisoner slipping away, the tension in the air growing with every passing second. 

You had been trained to expect the unexpected, to adapt to every change and surprising upcoming. But nothing had prepared you for something like this, the fading chance to save someone who was about to take his own life in front of your very eyes.

“Please, don’t do this. There are other ways”, you pleaded, not caring how desperate you sounded. All you could think of was preventing what could never be undone. Your gaze shifted towards Alex, who was standing in front of you. He seemed composed, rational, the police officer in him coming to the surface.

For a brief moment you wondered how often he had been in a similar situation and how often he had failed, not chosen the right words, lost the person. But maybe there were no right words, maybe the choice had already been made and there was nothing you could do.

“Don’t listen to her. It’s your choice. You do what you want”, Alex pushed, and you narrowed your eyes at him, disturbed at his intention. “Yeah”, Boris muttered, his voice shaky but filled with determination. From the corner of your eye, you saw the prisoner move, pushing the security guard away raising the gun to his own head.

“Boris, no!”, you shouted, your eyes widening as you realized what he was about to do. You wanted to turn your head away, knew that you should, but you were frozen.

As the shot rang out you flinched violently, the horror of what had happened only slowly sinking in. Your hand came up to cover your mouth as you gagged, feeling the sudden urge to throw up. 

Everything seemed to be in a blur as your heart was racing in your chest, your eyes ringing from the loud noise of the shot. Even though it was over, had barely taken more than a second, your mind was replaying the scene over and over again.

It all became too much. You turned away, your hands coming up to your temples. You grasped your hair at its roots as you paced back and forth, trying to calm yourself. You wanted to erase the memories, wanted to get out of here and pretend it hadn’t happened, but you couldn’t forget what you had seen.  

Your breath had sped up and you realized you were on the edge of a panic attack when a sudden thought caused you to freeze in your tracks. What if the bullet hadn’t killed him?  

The chances were slim, but you had heard of patients who had survived a shot in the head. What if there was still the chance to save him and you were wasting time? You were a doctor after all.

You ran towards his limp figure on the ground, trying to ignore your stomach twisting at the sight. Crouching down you ignored the other’s stares on you. Your fingers came up to feel for a pulse and the contact send a shiver down your spine.

“He still has a pulse. We need to get him up right now!” You turned towards the men, disbelief written on your face as they didn’t react. How could they just stand by and watch? “Alex!” His eyes locked on yours. But your voice, now firm and authoritative, seemed to have an effect, because he finally sprang into action, calling for a gurney.

You knew he didn’t do it, because he thought there was a chance for the man to survive or because he thought he deserved it. He only did it for you.

But his reasons didn’t matter right now. You had to move fast, get all the help you needed and try your best to save the prisoner’s life. It was all you could do after you hadn’t been able to stop him.

It didn’t matter what he had done or what you thought of him. It was your job. You had sworn to save lives and that was what you would do.

You were too focused on the man in front of you, his weak pulse under your fingers to notice what was going on around you. When you looked back up someone had brought in a gurney. You figured Alex must have paged someone to come down.

“Come one!”, you urged the security men, and they finally followed your command, helping to get the man up on the gurney and rolling him towards the ER.

You didn’t know where you took the strength to keep going as you raced through the halls, your heart hammering in your chest. Finally you reached the ER, people looking up in shock as you wheeled the man in.

“What happened?” Jared and a team of doctors came rushing towards you. You opened your mouth but couldn’t bring yourself to say the words out loud.

Alex’ gaze fell on you as you stayed silent. “He shot himself”, he told Jared, and you watched as they moved around the man, hooking him onto the monitors.

The sound of the heart monitor filled the room, a shrill sound to your ears. “He’s flatlining”, Jared announced, moving to start PCR, but Alex held him back. “He’s dead and he has a donor’s card. We’re gonna take everything he can donate.”

With that he turned away, leaving the room and Jared and you starring at each other in shock. 

You felt numb as you watched the scene in front of you. Someone had turned the heart monitor off and you felt grateful for the silence, but it reminded you of the shot. The memory had started playing in your mind again now that it was slowing down. The adrenaline was leaving your body as you realized it was over.

“I am sure you did everything you could”, Jared told you, his eyes earnest as he patted your shoulder in a way to comfort you. You didn’t say a word, not knowing if you could agree with him.

Had you done everything you could?

Shouldn’t you have seen it coming long before you had guided him towards the prisoner’s transport? Hadn’t all the signs been there? You had been to blind to notice them, too influenced by Alex’ comments on how Boris would use every opportunity to escape and use it for his own good. 

Jared squeezed your shoulder slightly before hurrying out of the room. He was probably on his way to the OR, hoping to be able to assist Dr. Melendez to save the little boy’s life. At least something good would come out of it. The boy would get a second chance, a new life.

But you couldn’t think of that right now, couldn’t bring yourself to join the surgery when you had watched the man take his own life just moments ago. Even if he had been a bad person, it felt wrong. 

You hoped Dr. Melendez wouldn’t question your absence, but frankly, you didn’t care. Your shift was nearly over anyway and afterwards everyone would be enjoying themselves during the hospital’s ball. They would forget easily.

So you shuffled towards the locker rooms, stopping at the restroom when the sickness returned. You couldn’t remember the last time you had thrown up, the bile leaving a bitter taste in your mouth. You washed it away with water from the sink, splashing cold water onto your hot face. 

When you lifted your face, you nearly didn’t recognize yourself. You looked pale and exhausted, your eyes were bloodshot. Your hair was sticking to your face and sweat was covering your forehead. Your eyes widened when you noticed red traces on your scrubs, another wave of sickness sending you rushing to the toilet once more.

You had been covered in blood before. It came with the job, especially the shifts at the ER, but you had never felt so repulsed by it before. The mere look of it made you grip onto the sink, your knuckles turning white as you gasped for air.

You thought back to Alex, how collected he had been, calm even. He had been eager to assist the transplantation, even though he had been a witness to Bori’s death, his suicide, just like you had.

You figured it came with his experiences of being a cop. He had probably seen worse things countless of times before.

Right now, you wished you were more like him. What he had told Boris had been wrong, but at least he wasn’t on the edge of a panic attack, freaking out over the sight of blood stains on his clothes. 

You decided you needed to shower and get changed, hoping you could make the way from the restroom to the lockers without running into someone. You really looked like hell. 

You peeked out of the door, rushing through the corridors and keeping your gaze locked to the ground to avoid any eye contact. Luckily you made it to the changing rooms without any encounter.

The cold water felt like heaven on your hot skin. Even when you started to shiver, you couldn’t bring yourself to turn up the temperature. The coldness seemed to have a sobering effect on you, sharpening your senses and waking you up. 

When you walked back to your locker, you let out an audible sigh as your eyes fell on the only piece of clothing it contained. Your dress.

When starting your shift this morning you had still planned to go to the ball afterwards, to have some fun with your friends and let loose. Now you couldn’t imagine being surrounded by laughter and music. Another thing that felt wrong.

But even though you didn’t want to attend the ball, you didn’t have any other option than to change into your dress. You had changed into your scrubs at home, bringing only the dress with you. So it was either the dress or a pair of bloodied scrubs.

You chose the dress but ignored the necklace and earrings you had brought with you to wear with the dress. When you wanted to slip back into your shoes, you paused, inspecting your right shoe. 

“Are you serious?”, you muttered as you observed the faint bloodstain on it. Now that you had noticed it you couldn’t bring yourself to put on the shoes, so you fished for your heels. At least if people saw you dressed up like this, they would think you were attending the ball. Maybe it was a good thing, preventing people from raising questions.

You quickly blow dried your hair, hoping to make it out in time before the others showed up. You wouldn’t be able to endure their chatter and worried glances.

The noise of your heels on the hospital floor nearly made you flinch. You tried not to draw attention to yourself, yet that was exactly what you did as you hurried through the floors.

When you finally made it outside, you took a deep breath, inhaling the fresh air. It immediately seemed to ground you, allowing your breathing to calm and your heartbeat to return to a steady rhythm. 

All you had wanted was to escape the enclosing walls of the hospital and go home, but now that you had stepped outside, the thought of returning to your apartment didn’t seem appealing anymore. It would be too quiet, allowing your mind to replay the scene over and over again. You didn’t even want to imagine going to sleep tonight. 

But that would be a problem for later. For now, you would enjoy the night air, trying to think of nothing at all.

You didn’t know how much time had passed, but eventually you heard the dim sound of music. So the ball had started. 

You wondered if someone would notice your absence. Claire and Jared wanted to go as a couple, making it finally official, so they probably would have eyes only for each other. You smiled a little at the thought. They were a cute pair. 

Shaun had enough to deal with. The pure concept of a party was a challenge for him, the loud music, mix of sounds and crowd of people. You couldn’t imagine how overbearing it must feel like for him if it only took a bad day for you to feel overwhelmed by it too.   

And Alex and Morgan, they weren’t your friends. 

You grimaced as you imagined the triumph Morgan would feel the moment, she noticed you hadn’t showed up. Not showing up meant passing up the chance to talk to people who had influence and money. Another opponent down and she didn’t even have to move a finger.

“Shouldn’t you be inside with your friends?” You jumped at the familiar voice, not heaving heard someone approaching you. You turned, the railing you had previously leant on now against your back.

Dr. Melendez, your boss, was standing a few feet away from you. Your eyes darted over his body. You had seen him in suits before, but it never ceased your knees to go weak. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” You could have sworn his eyes had flickered over your body, taking in your appearance, but they were just as quickly on yours again that you couldn’t be sure.

“I’m not really in the mood for partying”, you confessed. “Or flattering some influential people”, you added as you thought of Morgan’s attitude. She had taken one look at your dress in the locker room this morning and had declared that it was a bad choice. That alone had told you that you had picked the right one. 

She was scared of you, of your chances to get a job after your residency was over. Of course it was important to you, but you felt whenever you didn’t try to impress your attendings with your actions, you were more successful. Pretending to be someone else and acting against your own instincts wouldn’t get you to success. Even if it did, you wouldn’t want it.

Dr. Melendez, though you two weren’t on shift anymore so he was Neil to you now, raised his brow. “No, that’s not really your style”, he agreed, and you quirked your brow. “What’s my style?” He seemed to think about your words, a little smile spreading on his face. 

“You’re definitely a people pleaser. You want people to like you, but that doesn’t mean you agree with everything they say. You have a set of principles you live by. If you get something in your head, it’s hard to convince you otherwise. You can be quite stubborn sometimes, which can be a good and a bad thing for a surgeon, it depends.”

“Wow, that’s alarmingly accurate”, you admitted, not being able to hide your surprise. You had always known that Neil picked up on more than he let on. He could be quiet and pretend to be indifferent, but he was observant and attentive. A good mentor.

He probably knew more about you than you anticipated.

Neil chuckled. “I know my team”, he stated, but it didn’t sound patronizing. You nodded slowly, searching his face for clues of what he was really feeling. He seemed relaxed, so you guessed the transplantation had gone well.

You expected him to leave, either heading home or to the ball but he surprised you again by walking over to stand beside you at the railing. You turned back towards it, your gaze lingering on him for a moment to try and understand why he was here, here with you, before darting back to stare into the distance like he did.

Maybe he had noticed you had been absent at his surgery and wanted to lecture you. But it didn’t seem that way. Outside of the hospital he seemed so normal, like a guy you could meet in a bar and not the surgeon you looked up to and hoped to impress. 

“It’s been a tough day”, he suddenly spoke up, his eyes fixed on the skyline in front of you. “But in the end, we saved a little boy’s life. Through his sacrifice many more will live. He gave them a second chance.”

“A second chance he will never get”, you threw in and Neil turned his head to look at you, his eyes sharp. “He was a murderer. His last action might have been heroic, but he still took the lives of many innocent people.” You avoided Neil’s eyes boring into you, turning back to face the city. 

“I know”, you sighed, your thoughts racing now that you thought back to what had happened. “Alex told me you were there, when it happened.” You let out a frustrated huff. Naturally he had told Melendez about it, so much for staying under the radar. 

“Of course, he did”, you muttered under your breath, but loud enough for Neil to hear. You could see him frowning at your reaction. “You should take the day off tomorrow.”

You took a sharp inhale at his words, your anger growing. “And Alex?” 

Neil’s frown deepened. “He’s been a cop. He knows how to deal with it.” “Right”, you let out a bitter chuckle, “Alex is the hero of the day and I get punished for trying to save someone’s life.” 

You knew you were being difficult and maybe a little respectless, Neil was your boss after all, but you were too exhausted to supress your feelings and too tired to care.

You could see Neil tense beside you, his jaw clenching as he tried to calm himself. “This is not a punishment”, he stated, surprised by your intense reaction to his order. “What else would you call banning me from my job for a day?”

A cold breeze made you shiver, but you ignored it, too upset to feel the cold. Neil’s gaze shifted into something else. He looked concerned now as his eyes searched yours, trying to see through the walls you had built around yourself.

“You were a witness to something traumatic today. You will need time to process it. In your and your patient’s best interest I am telling you to take a day off.” “You think I can’t handle patients right now?” The hurt was visible in your voice, a sense of betrayal settling in your stomach.

Neil ran a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated by the way you were misinterpreting all of his words. 

“As a surgeon and your boss, it’s my job to make sure you’re in the condition to treat patients. It wouldn’t help anyone, least of all you, if you made a mistake, because your head is somewhere else. But-”, he raised his finger, stopping you from interrupting. 

You closed your mouth, your shoulders slumping as you waited for him to continue. “As a friend I am trying to look out for you. You have a big heart, and you care more than most. What you saw today-”, he trailed off, his eyes now soft, searching your face, “You shouldn’t have to go through that alone.”

A lump formed in your throat, the anger vanishing as quickly as it had emerged. Neil was looking at you with such affection. His eyes were gentle, but filled with pain, like he could see how much you were hurting, and he was hurting with you.

You had seen him worried before, mostly when it came to his patients and the risks complicated procedures included, but it had never been directed at you. 

Never until now.

“He was a murderer”, you repeated his words from earlier, as if who he was would ease the horror of what had you seen. As if it could take away the pain. You wished it did, felt like it should, but your feelings didn’t change. 

Neil’s eyes softened, a dimple appearing on his cheek as he curled one side of his lips into an empathetic smile. “But he was still a man, taking his own life in front of your eyes. It’s okay not to be okay right now.”

A tear escaped your eye and you quickly brushed it away, wanting to keep as much of your dignity as you could. The evening had already been an emotional rollercoaster so far, crying in front of your boss, who you had a hidden crush on wasn’t something you wanted to add to the list of things going wrong.

“It wasn’t your fault. From what Alex told me, he had already made up his mind. No one could have stopped him.” Neil’s voice was gentle, but firm. He seemed to know how much you needed to hear those words, how the regret nibbled on you. 

It seemed like he always knew exactly what to say, even if you didn’t want to hear it at first. He had been right earlier, he really knew his team. Knew you.

“We lose patients all the time. It’s always hard, but this-”, you bit your lip as your voice wavered, “it’s different.” Neil listened attentively, nodding in understanding. “You should consider talking to the hospital’s counsellor”, he suggested, and you immediately tensed. 

“Knowing when to ask for help is not weak, it’s a sign of strength. You should give it a chance or talk to someone else about it.” You considered his words, knowing he was right. If it had been someone else, you would have told them the same thing. Why was it so much harder now that it came to yourself?

“You’re used to putting others first, but you have to look out for yourself just as much.” Neil’s eyes were locked on yours, his stare so intense that you wanted to look away but couldn’t. It was as if he could see right through you, as if the walls you had built around yourself didn’t apply to him.

You shivered as you wondered how much he could really see.

“I’ll give it a chance”, you muttered weakly, and Neil responded with a smile. “Let’s get inside.” He offered his arm to you and your eyes widened a little in surprise. “I actually didn’t plan to show up”, you confessed, letting out a nervous chuckle.

Neil raised his brow, his eyes darting over your dress, and you felt yourself blush. Hopefully he couldn’t see it in the dark which was surrounding the two of you. “I didn’t bring anything else with me and I needed to get out of my scrubs”, you explained, and his eyes darkened for a moment as he understood.

“It would be a waste not to dance in that dress”, he claimed, a playful smile on his lips. You immediately felt lighter, the sudden change of atmosphere a nice welcome after the heavy conversation. You shook your head, a shy smile stealing its way on your lips. 

“No, I can’t go in there”, you insisted, still smiling. You didn’t want him to miss out on the party because he felt guilty for leaving you out here.

Neil pretended to pout, thinking over how else he could convince you. “One song?”, he asked, hope in his voice and you grimaced. “Sorry.” He let out a sigh, reaching out and placing his hand on your lower back.

You were too surprised to protest as he guided you towards the building, the sound of the music growing louder the nearer you came. “What are you doing?”, you stammered, panic creeping into your voice. 

You hadn’t taken him for the guy to care, if you attended the ball or not. But just this morning you had chatted the others up over the ball. He had proven how attentive he was, so he probably remembered your previous enthusiasm.

It seemed like he didn’t want you to regret missing out on it later, but he wouldn’t force you. Right?

A moment later his hand was gone, and he stepped away from you. “You said you don’t want to go inside, so we’re taking the dance outside.” He extended his hand, waiting expectantly. You eyed it suspiciously at first, disbelief written over your face. 

“One song?”, he repeated, and you felt yourself melt under his hopeful gaze. “Okay”, you agreed, taking his hand and stepping forward to meet him.

He gently placed his hand on your lower back again, reaching your intertwined hands upwards to guide you to the music. You placed your other hand on his shoulder, keeping a reasonable amount of distance between the two of you.

The music sounded muffled, but it was loud enough for you to recognize the song, vowing to remember it later.

Someone could have seen the two of you, but Neil didn’t seem to mind. So maybe you were interpreting too much into it.

You had never been so close to him before and you couldn’t deny that you wanted more, to close the remaining space between the two of you.

As you swayed to the music, both of you caught in a comfortable silence, you wondered if this meant as much to him as it did to you.

He probably always danced with his residents at the ball, nothing more than a friendly gesture you told yourself, though Morgan was the only other woman on the team except Claire, who was taken, and you couldn’t imagine them dancing together. Didn’t want to imagine it.

Not possible, you reminded yourself. But in nights like these, when Neil let his guard down and showed you how much he cared, you couldn’t help yourself and hope. Hope that there was a chance he might feel for you too. 

It was desperate, but it was thrilling all the same. A dream out of reach and yet so close. You inhaled his scent, a smile forming on your lips as you decided that no matter what this meant to him, you were grateful that he was here with you.

Neil caught your smile, responding with one of his own. “You look beautiful by the way”, he whispered, and you nearly choked on air. A part of you pushed you to play it down, brush it off by pointing out your flaws. But you stopped yourself, choosing to accept his compliment instead.

He spun you around and a surprised giggle left your mouth, making him laugh. It was a beautiful sound, one you weren't used to. He was always so professional during shifts, keeping his emotions under control. So when you got a hint of what he felt underneath all those layers, you couldn't help but marvel at it.

Never had Neil looked at you with such an intensity behind his eyes, such fondness.

You knew the song would come to an end, night would fade into dawn and a new day would begin. But what had happened between the two of you tonight meant more than you could put into words. 

After everything that had happened today, he had managed to make you smile and enjoy yourself, even if it was only for a moment. You knew the next few days would be hard, beginning with the moment you stepped into your quiet apartment and were left alone with your thoughts and memories. But with him there to support you, it didn't seem as scary anymore. As hopeless.

You dared to catch his gaze once more.

Never until now.

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[sie-rui]

hi! can i request sanzu gets tired after work and s/o likes to kiss sanzu's lip scars to make him feel better, and they just cuddle after... puleasee i saw this idea in tiktok and has been stuck in my head since then 😭😓🤞🤞

❀ KISSES FOR REPLENISHING | TOKYO REVENGERS 🤍 haruchiyo sanzu 💿 gender neutral, second pov (you/your), fluff, comfort, tw: use of illegal substances - cocaine, implied murder, established relationship, au - canon divergence, timeline: bonten, imagine 📅 july 13, 2021 🔗 masterlist

tired, sanzu haruchiyo comes home to you after days of work. kisses are all he needs.

Bonten is in deep shit.

Like really deep shit.

There’s a rat hiding among them, skittering around their feet and feeding information to the police force. They only managed to realize that when three of their bases were attacked simultaneously, Kokonoi and Mochi were present in one of the warehouses and almost had cuffs on their hands or bullets to their skull if they hadn’t reacted fast enough.

Sanzu, because he’s clearly in charge of everything around here—since all Mikey wants to do is fight—has been working for three days straight, trying to find the rat and destroy the team that rained bullets on their bases at the same time. And because everyone is useless or found excuses to not help him because a) he pissed them off, b) he pissed them off real bad.

Bonten’s executives are a petty bunch, as you can see.

He used cocaine after the second all-nighter, realizing that coffee wasn’t doing him any good and nor was listening to documentaries boring enough that he got motivated to work with no pause.

It gave him a boost, getting him to do twice as much work as usual in an hour (even though it was messier than usual) but it was only a temporary fix. After he came down from his high, he was burned and all he wanted to do was sleep the week away.

After working for three days straight with only fifteen-minute naps in between because he dozed off without realizing, Sanzu finally finished getting rid of all possible turncoats and the taskforce that may be a problem for them in the near future.

He merely dropped the reports on Mikey’s desk instead of his usual giddy explanation that goes into so much detail that it takes them hours to finish. Manjiro didn’t seem to mind, only staring blankly at the ceiling as if that was a whole lot more interesting than the fact that Bonten was almost ruined. Sanzu knew that he was thinking of Toman and Takemichi. He always is.

He didn’t have it in him to ruin Mikey’s train of thought and just decides to hitch a ride from Akashi, too tired to drive home on his own and too prideful to ride a public transport. The other executive merely grunted and let Sanzu plop in his car. He didn’t exactly have a choice since Sanzu would have found a way to break his car if he didn’t let Sanzu in.

After what seemed like hours, he finally found himself swinging the front door open at two in the morning, tiredness weighing in his bones, fog clouding his eyes, but his mind was on you.

He had stupidly expected a greeting from you only for it to click that it was way past midnight now, closer to the wee hours of the day instead.

Sanzu pouts, dropping his coat and throwing away his shoes blindly before he enters your shared room. You were fast asleep on the bed, bundled under the blanket and curled inwards to yourself. The night lamp was open, the only light in the whole apartment.

He can only shake his head with a small silly smile. You were probably tired as well. From your own work and worrying over him not coming home.

He couldn’t even bother to change, only slipping off his shirt and pants before crawling his way to bed with you. Sanzu lets out a sigh of relief as the tension eases from his shoulders when he wraps his arms around your waist, pressing his face on your hair.

You startle awake at the sudden movement.

“Sorry,” Sanzu murmurs apologetically but you only hum, fidgeting and turning around to face him. Your eyes were half-lidded, sleep clear in your face as you drowsily stare at him as if searching for an answer to a question only you know.

He blinks tiredly when you hold onto his arm, leaning forward to press a kiss on his scar. One then two, on both corners of his lips, on the very center of his scars.

Sanzu wasn’t sure if you were aiming for his mouth and only missed (twice) or if you weren’t actually lucid. All he knows is that he loves you and these little actions you were doing was making his heart flutter so much that it’s almost sickening. Almost. Sanzu actually wants more.

Still, he smiles, indulging as you kiss his scars even more. He softly bumps his nose against yours, pulling you impossibly closer as you let out a little whine at the abrupt pulling.

Sanzu hadn’t slept for three days straight but he feels reenergized immediately just by your little kisses and adorable actions.

[sacredsorceress]

Worth the Risk || Bucky Barnes

pairing: bucky barnes x avenger!reader

summary: when bucky and sam get captured you have to go in alone to save them leading to a worried, overprotective bucky who cares about you a bit more than a teammate should

a/n: reblogs and replies are super appreciated!!

word count: 2.2k

warnings: description of violence, injuries, a gun, dagger and blood, swearing, angst w/ happy ending

masterlist || taglist

“Bucky?” You whispered through the earpiece. “Sam? Where are you guys-”

Sitting in the van, you began to grow worried as you couldn’t find any of your teammates on the screen after they had turned around a corner. Tapping the earpiece, you were about to speak again when you heard Sam’s voice on the other end.

“Y/n?”

Sitting forward in your chair, you breathed a premature sigh of relief.

“Sam? Thank God you guys are okay.” You told him. “I was worried when-”

“Y/n, listen,” Sam cut you off, his voice a near whisper. “They got us- me and Bucky- but I think you’ll be able to take them out if you think you’re ready for it.”

You began to feel your heart race in your chest just at the proposition. Although you had joined the group almost half a year ago, you had never gone on a mission by yourself- always having others to back you up, but you knew Sam well enough that he wouldn’t have suggested the idea lightly. If he asked you to go in alone... you knew it was because there was no other choice.

“Okay.” You said. “I can do this, Cap. I’ll be there soon- just hold on.”

With that, you left the vehicle, making your way into the building. When the door of the facility closed behind you, you raised your gun.

“You shouldn’t have told her to come in here.” Bucky told Sam, pacing around their cell. “If we couldn’t handle it together, what makes you think that she can do it by herself? You’re going to get her killed-”

“Buck,” Sam said firmly. “I know you’re worried about her, but she can handle herself. She’s our only shot of getting out of here so I’m gonna need you to calm down.”

Sitting himself down in the corner of the room, Bucky said nothing more to Sam, instead placing his head in his hands.

Bucky knew logistically that you could handle yourself- you were on the team for a reason- but that didn’t mean he didn’t worry about you. He worried about you all the time- even in training- nagging Sam if he threw you down a bit too hard and feeling his heart drop to his stomach when bruises littered your body after a mission. He hated seeing you get hurt, but as he sat in the cell with Sam, knowing that you were coming into the building all on your own- he felt as though he was going to be sick.

Now he wasn’t there to watch your back. He wasn’t there to make sure you wouldn’t get hurt. He wasn't there to make sure you didn't get yourself killed- the thought of it too horrible for him to even allow himself to think about. He worried because he knew in your line of business, every wrong move could be fatal and he couldn’t bare the thought of not having you by his side every day.

Listening to the sound of water leaking from the sealing above him, Bucky prayed you would be alright.

Turning a corner inside of the building, you were hoping the same.

Peaking around the edge of a wall you spotted two men, armed with batons. Taking a deep breath, you aimed for one of the men’s bullet proof vest, taking the shot and knocking him to the ground. Immediately the other man ran towards you with the baton raised in his hand. 

Ducking as he swung the baton, you threw a punch to the man’s stomach, knocking him backwards, but just as you did the other man hit you in your back with the baton.

“Fuck!” You screamed out in pain, taking the man’s arm between your knees. You pulled the baton out of his hand as you stretched it in the other direction, causing him to yelp out in pain. 

Once in your hand, you spun around, swinging the man in the face with the baton, knocking him unconscious. Dropping it to the floor, you pulled your taser from your belt, shocking the other man, forcing him to the ground.

“Y/n?” You heard Sam ask through the earpiece. “Y/n are you alright?”

Shoving the taser back in its slot and raising your gun once again, you stepped over the two men’s unconscious bodies, running down the hallway.

“I am now.” You huffed, placing one of your hands on your lower back. “When this is over, you’re paying for my chiropractor.”

Turning another corner, you were met with a man and a woman standing at the end of the hallway.

“Are you guys always in pairs?” You asked. “Frankly I think it’s unfair.”

When they said nothing, just raising their batons from their belts, you spoke up again.

“Where are my friends?” You asked more seriously.

“You’re about to find out.”

The woman running at you first, you hit the butt of your gun in her face causing her to wobble backwards but the second you did, you felt a burst of searing hot pain run throughout your face as the baton collided with your nose. Stumbling backwards, you felt as another of the baton’s swings hit your midsection, causing you to double over in pain.

The man tugged your collar as you felt another blow connect with your face.

Wheezing, you dropped the gun to your side.

Standing in front of you, the woman slid her baton back into her belt.

“See?” she said. “I’m sure your friends will be happy to see-”

As she spoke you carefully slid your dagger out of your belt, but before she was able to finish her sentence, you threw it cleanly at her, the dagger jamming itself through her shoulder, sticking her to the wall.

“Shit!” She shouted in pain.

Immediately afterwards, the man grabbed your coat shoving you against the wall only to throw another punch to your mouth. Rather than giving him the satisfaction of yelping out in pain, you headbutt the man, causing him to stumble backwards into his partner. Grabbing the baton from his hand, you swung it over his head, knocking him unconscious.

Spitting blood onto the ground, you heaved as you picked up your gun and the keys from the man’s waist, making your way over to the room on the right.

Swinging the door open, your eyes immediately fell onto the reinforced cell in front of you, Bucky and Sam rushing to the front. Stumbling over to the cell, you unlocked the door, swinging it open and leaning against it.

“Y/n?” You heard Bucky’s voice first as he ran over to you. “Fuck, look at you.”

Moving his hands to cup your face, not being able to help yourself from wincing, Bucky could feel his heart shatter in his chest. Sure, you had a few bruises here and there in the past but never this bad.

You had a deep gash across your nose that he was sure would need stitches along with a cut along your lip and a large bruise forming around your eye- and that was just your face.

Looking up and seeing his worried eyes, you shot him a quaint, bloody smile.

“You should see the other guys.” You joked.

You attempted to laugh, only to wheeze and begin to cough.

“Y/n this isn’t funny.” He said seriously. “You could have died. Sam should have never asked-”

“Bucky,” You cooed, reaching your hands up to cup his face. “I’m okay. Besides, I couldn’t leave my favorite boys in here could I?”

Feeling your fingertips against his face, he couldn’t help but melt into your touch. You always managed to make him a lovesick mess as if he was still fifteen and not a one hundred and six year-old man who had been to hell and back.

“Hate to break up the reunion,” Sam said. “But those guys will only be out for so long. We got to get out of here.”

-

After falling asleep on the car ride back to the Compound, you woke up in bed, the dim glow of the lamp shining on the night stand above you. Opening your eyes, you pushed yourself up in the bed, only for a shooting pain to spread throughout your torso. Not able to stop yourself, you yelped out in pain.

“Hey, hey,” You heard none other than Bucky’s voice beside you, one of his hands coming to rest on yours while the other adjusted your pillow. “Take it easy.”

“I am, Doc.” You lied, leaning against your newly adjusted pillow.

Tucking you in, Bucky shook his head, leaning on the nightstand beside you.

“We should have never let you go in alone.” He sighed, leaning his head on his hand. “I just felt sick the entire time. You could have died, Y/n. If they just hit you in the wrong spot... I’m never letting you go in alone again. I’m not letting you leave my sight.”

During your time as a member of the group, you and Bucky had grown incredibly close and during the past few months maybe even closer than friends. It was normal for him to worry- you never even had to wonder where he was during missions because he always had your back- but looking at his face now you could tell just how worried he had been and you couldn’t help but feel your heart break.

“Bucky,” You hummed. “You go on dangerous missions all the time alone. How am I any different?”

A silence settled over the two of you as Bucky squeezed your hand. 

Not meeting your eyes, he spoke up again.

“Because I can’t lose you.” Bucky said, his voice nearly a whisper. “I can’t even think about what would happen if anything happened to you, Y/n. Even seeing the cuts and bruises on your face? I’m... I’m not the Winter Soldier anymore, but I think if you put me in a room with those people I would kill them for what they did to you. I almost broke us out of the cell myself because I hated the idea so much of you going in there on your own. If something happens to me... it’s different. Nothing can happen to you, Y/n. Nothing.”

Staring at the super soldier sat at your bedside, you began to feel tears prick in your eyes. You had cared for Bucky in a way that you had been too afraid to admit- not wanting to ruin your friendship- but as he sat there, confessing his feelings for you, you couldn’t help but feel your heart tug in your chest, just wanting him.

“Do you love me?” You asked finally before you could stop yourself.

Looking up at your injured face, he felt his breath catch in his throat. He wasn’t able to read you in the moment at all, your face straight, seriousness laced in ever bit. All he could think was that even with the black eye and the stitches across your nose, he had never seen someone as beautiful as you.

He knew his answer. There wasn’t a single part of him that doubted it.

“Yes.” 

Hearing his answer, you stared at him and smiled.

“Are you sure?” You asked. “Do you love me as more than a teammate-”

“Y/n,” He cut you off, squeezing your hand once again. “As much as I love working with you, every time you call me your ‘teammate’ I want to go find a punching bag.”

Trying to bite back your smile, you couldn’t help but chuckle.

You hated calling him “only” your teammate just as much as he did- if not more.  Knowing that he hated it just as much as you the entire time you used the word to disguise your true feelings made you feel as if a weight had been lifted off of your chest despite the aches that still consumed your being.

Bucky was more than your teammate, he was your partner.

“Oh Thank God.” You laughed. “I can’t tell you how many I’ve knocked off the hook after you called me your ‘friend’.”

Furrowing his eyebrows, he leaned in closer to you.

“What are you saying?” He asked.

Shaking your head in disbelief, you reached your free hand up to his hair, brushing it back with your hand.

“I’m saying,” You smiled. “that I love you too and that I’m not going anywhere, Buck.”

Leaning into your touch, a smile finally reached across his face. “You know, if it weren’t for your stitches, I would kiss you right now.”

“So my face isn’t too messed up then, right, Doc?” You asked. “If you still want to kiss me and all...”

Reaching your hand up to his lips, he pressed a soft kiss to your skin.

“You could never look bad, doll.” He hummed. “But promise me you won’t do that to me again. I almost had a heart attack, Y/n.”

Leaning your head against your pillow, admiring him, you smiled.

“I promise, Buck.”

[wincore]

romeo roulette | jung yoonoh

pairing: jaehyun x fem!reader

summary: if finding your soulmate is the same as a damn game of russian roulette, you are determined to not pull the trigger at all. except, you know who your soulmate is and he doesn’t—and given a choice to pretend, you find that jaehyun is the lesser of the two burdens to bear.

genre: soulmate au, office au, fake dating, fluff (a lot), angst (a little), romcom, magical realism (??)

words: 21.2k

warnings: language

song recs: playlist here !

a/n: behold ! a kdrama compressed in a fic ! ok i was lying there was more than a little angst but all in good fun <3 i have never experienced working in an office (thanks to the panny) but i tried making it as accurate as i could !! hope you have fun with this <3

It’s not that you’ve never been looked at with a lover’s gaze, it’s just that whatever look Jaehyun has been giving you is mildly uncomfortable. It’s not supposed to be that way. Hell, even his hand clasping yours are a little too clammy for your liking.

Jung Yoonoh. Get your act together.

You wish he were a better actor than this. For someone used to eyes on him in each and every room he’s in, he’s not very good at making eye contact. You’ll be saving this performance. Not to stroke your own ego but at least you know how to behave under strong gazes.

There are three people staring at the two of you and your fingers intertwined, scrutinizing your postures and the expressions on your faces. Maybe Jaehyun should face them instead of glancing at you wordlessly. He’s a terrible liar for someone who acts so smooth. 

You look up with a short smile. The aforementioned three are your coworkers—former class rep at uni and your current boss Doyoung, your friend Soojin and Jaehyun’s friend Sicheng from IT. None of them look happy—like it concerns them. If there was a competition for nosy coworkers, this entire group would be winning awards left and right (and that’s including you). 

They’re going to find out, an annoying voice giggles inside the quiet corner of your brain. Like hell, they will. You didn’t take up acting lessons in college for nothing. You just need to focus on the details.

This whole charade dates its beginning to a week ago. 

If someone were to tell you Jung Yoonoh from marketing is your soulmate, you would most certainly either laugh or take it as a genuine insult. Hence, you were glad when you found that he isn’t. 

It was an accident. You had glimpsed at his soulmark, right below his collarbone, at a particularly wild office afterparty—and somehow, you thought it was fitting that his tattoo was a little red heart. For someone born on Valentine’s day (which you know from a night out with coworkers, not because you’re remotely interested), if his soulmark was not something as disgusting as a heart, it would be the textbook definition of irony. But then again, fate is a funny thing. Your soulmark is a heart roughly the same size, with a little more intricacy in the form of a piercing arrow.

Despite all, however, if someone were to ask you if Jung Yoonoh is the worst person to be your soulmate, the answer is no. You can name at least five coworkers off the top of your head that you’d choose him over. You would choose him over Doyoung (and especially his nagging), you would choose him over Taeyong because he’s too hot and you also don’t like men in a higher position than you are, you would choose him over Jungwoo because you suspect he’s secretly a furry. Jaehyun is certainly better than your deskmate Dongmin who, despite an angelic smile, is: a) too distant to make actual conversation with, and b) in a relationship despite being your soulmate. Sweet-tempered Dongmin doesn’t even know it’s you. You’d love to be the bearer of bad news but this one—you’re not exactly ready for it yourself.

So that’s the explanation for why you hunted down Jaehyun and in a desperate attempt to not seem pathetic, coerced him into a role that has carefully picked benefits for either of you. You just have to bite the bullet sometimes.

“And I get what out of this?”

“Me? Temporarily, that is.”

Jaehyun laughs in amusement and you drop your smile, almost offended. If you were a gift, you’d certainly be an attractive, spicy, hot one—he doesn’t have to look at you so incredulously. In a neat business suit, Jaehyun is as kempt as ever though his tie could do with some more work.  As an HR assistant, his appearance pleases you. However as a person, the perfection annoys the hell out of you. He could show himself to be more human. It would make your job (both the actual and the metaphorical) easier.

“I’m leaving,” he announces with a nonchalant exhale. “You keep messing around during work hours like this and people are going to think you’re jobless.”

“Wait!” 

You jog up to him and block his path, crossing your arms as you huff at his indignance. 

“I said no,” he repeats, and when he tries to evade you, you push him back with your palm flat against his chest. Jaehyun doesn’t show any more discomfort than usual, biting the inside of his cheek.

“You haven’t found your soulmate, right?” you say, taking a deep breath. If you have to resort to psychological warfare, so be it.

His smile wavers and he straightens, no longer leaning against the printer desk. “No. How does that matter?”

“It matters because you’re going to be my pretend-soulmate. Now, don’t be a pussy.”

He opens his mouth and closes it, furrowing his eyebrows. “You can’t always trick me into doing what you want.”

“I’ll ask Doyoung if you say no.”

“See—enough with the tricks, they don’t work anymore. I’ve known you for two years.”

“I really will ask him.”

“Not convincing enough. You don’t even talk to Doyoung outside work.”

You groan into your hand, taking a few moments to come up with another plan. How is your obvious charisma not enough? You certainly can’t tell him how rejected you feel with the whole Dongmin situation even if his rejection hasn’t officially come yet. It’s too embarrassing for a grown adult to go through. You don’t mind being lonely for the rest of your life if you’re successful. There’s a price tag on each decision you make anyway.

“I’ll treat you to lunch every day. I’ll pay.”

You cross your arms, tapping your foot in anticipation. They say the way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. Besides, Jaehyun hates spending his lunch money on himself. This ought to do something.

Jaehyun places his hand in front of his mouth in mock surprise. “Oh no, out of your beloved paycheck? That’s kind of scary, honestly.”

“Jaehyun. Stop messing around. I’m being serious.”

He purses his lips, hesitation across his face. You don’t like the way he thinks, with quiet, lost eyes and no clear giveaways on his lips.

“Okay. I’ll do it.”

You smile in relief though you try somewhat to not let it show on your face. 

“On one condition.”

Your eyes dart across his face, nothing that tells what he might suggest next. You hate when you don’t get to decide on things.

“You have to come visit my family next month and pose as my soulmate—”

“No way.”

“—and when this whole game you’re playing is over, you’re going to say I rejected you.”

You stare at him, weighing the odds. 

“Fine,” you say finally, voice pitched in slight annoyance.

Jaehyun shrugs.

“But I tell my parents that I rejected you. Or they’ll come after you with a task force or something.”

You mutter the last part.

He grimaces, holding his breath for a good few seconds and then letting it go.

“Alright. It’s not like mine and your parents know each other—or will ever meet.”

“Fine then,” you say. “We have an agreement.”

“We have an agreement,” he repeats.

Now, back to more pressing matters. The people in front of you aren’t a stupid lot—even if you've seen Doyoung spend $500 on plush toys, seen Sicheng absentmindedly walk into a desk and pretend to not be in pain for the next five minutes and Soojin somehow convinced a senior to get her coffee because she thought he was an intern (in her defence, it worked). 

The only way is to act through. You clear your throat.

"We… we discovered it last week. Our signs match."

Technically, you drew an arrow with a permanent marker over Jaehyun's tattoo in an attempt to resemble yours. It's not awful, but perhaps not perfect. 

“Discovered? Like just happened to find out?” Doyoung asks.

“Isn’t Jaehyun’s on…” Soojin leans in to whisper hurriedly in your ear. “On his butt? Did you guys sleep together?”

You contort your face in disgust. “The what? What? Who told you that? And no.”

Soojin makes an ‘ah’ sound and leans back. “I should stop listening to office rumours then.”

"You should." You glare at her.

Sicheng is the only one without questions at the tip of his tongue but the look on his face worries you most. 

“I’ve never seen your tattoo, now that I think about it,” he muses, turning to Jaehyun. “Although we’re roommates.”

Jaehyun clears his throat, looking around with shifty eyes. "Why is… why is everyone looking so suspicious?"

"It's just… so sudden," Soojin says, looking around at the others.

"Yeah," Sicheng mutters.

"Soulmate fraud is a big deal too, you know that right?" Doyoung informs. "You could get put in jail."

You throw up your hands in exasperation. "Why would we pretend? We don't have any reason to. And, uh, you're sure about the jail thing?"

You look at Doyoung, hoping your question didn’t come off too squeaky. 

"You’re right,” he says, sighing. “It’s so unlikely for soulmates to work in the same company, let alone the same building.”

“Oh, yes, I’m so lucky,” you mutter under your breath.

Doyoung sighs. "Look, we're happy for you. It's just that… it's a little sudden."

"Literally what I just said," Soojin says.

"Literally what she just said," Doyoung agrees quickly, not wanting to pick a fight. Sometimes you wonder who the real boss is.

"Look, just because we don't even acknowledge each other or find each other remotely attractive or wouldn't even be each other's office Christmas card candidate—"

Jaehyun nudges your side with his elbow and gives you a look that seems a lot like "You're making it worse".

You clear your throat. "That's what happens to most soulmates! You think you're going to land the perfect one and boom. You get a chump from marketing."

Jaehyun makes a sound of protest. "I didn't want a snob from HR either."

The two of you glare at each other, and you find that clenching his jaw makes Jaehyun slightly (around 0.05%) more attractive, or at the very least more bearable to look at.

Doyoung gasps. "Okay, I get it. You're having adjustment issues. I know a guy for that. He's helped every newly found soulmate couple adjust with each other."

"We don't need that," you interrupt, offering your fakest smile.

"You do," Doyoung responds, his smile equally fake. "I'll drive you this weekend if you're free. He’ll give you one free session. No more, because we all know how capitalism works."

People have got to stop copying your fake smile. You wish you could have it copyrighted because after all, it’s the same smile that tricks interviewees into thinking they got the job. It’s not evil if you say it isn’t. You open your mouth, look at Jaehyun doing the same and when you can't come up with an excuse, give up and nod. 

"Don't look so resentful," Doyoung says, tone slightly complaining. "I'm not doing this as your boss. We were friends in college and I'm just doing you a favour. A friendly favour."

Soojin hums in deep thought. "I feel like this is some sort of nepotism."

"I feel like you should open a dictionary once in a while," Doyoung mutters, only to get a vaguely threatening look from Soojin.

"Anyway," Sicheng diverts, eyes curious when he turns to Doyoung. "Why did you call us here?"

"Ah." Doyoung's eyes widen. "I heard promotion rumours."

Sicheng lets out a loud huff of annoyance. "You summoned us here for company gossip?"

Doyoung crosses his arms. “So, you’re not interested?”

“Who said that?” Sicheng responds quickly, leaning in.

The five of you huddle closer in a circle, looking as conspicuous as a cult. 

“You guys know that Jinyoung’s leaving, right?” Doyoung starts.

Soojin gasps audibly only to get a smack on the arm from Doyoung. “Why’s he leaving? He's like employee of the month every month. ”

A few chuckles pass through the group at her discontentment from months of losing out on the title.

“I heard he found his soulmate. Lucky ass gets tax benefits too now,” Sicheng complains. “Why is he leaving?”

“Oh, look who’s interested in gossip now,” Soojin coos.

Sichengs turns red in the face and looks away, clearing his throat. “You’re gonna answer my question, Doyoung?”

“Oh! Right.” Doyoung looks up from a text. “He got rejected by his soulmate.”

Soojin covers her mouth this time when she gasps and you can’t say your jaw doesn’t drop as well. 

“Rejected? Like our picture-perfect Jinyoung got rejected?” you repeat, trying to process the information. “Please don’t tell me he decided to be an idiot and sign a mutual rejection.”

“No, he didn’t lose his senses,” Doyoung responds with a duh undertone. “He’s getting the compensation money.”

You sigh. “Man, I feel bad for him.”

Jaehyun hums in agreement. There’s a hush over the group and you feel fear rise in your chest. You don’t want to be rejected. You’ve seen how happy Dongmin looks with his girlfriend—he’d reject you in a heartbeat. Of course, you could just receive the compensation money from the one-sided rejection and get it over with but you refuse to. It hurts to not be wanted. It hurts to not be wanted by someone who’s supposed to want you. To be specific, it hurts your pride. Every time you see the damn arrowed heart on Dongmin’s wrist, which he tries so hard to cover with his watch, you feel like throwing up. You’re glad yours isn’t as easy to spot—resting right above your hip bone.

“Anyway, someone’s getting promoted to that HR specialist position.”

You gasp. “Is it me? It’s me, right?”

Jaehyun rolls his eyes and you elbow him. “What’s with you?”

“Don’t get too excited,” he says, shrugging. “Isn’t it stupid to get your hopes up over a rumour?”

Doyoung breathes out. “Wow, (name) really sucked the life out of you, Jaehyun.”

You glare at him when Soojin breaks into a fit of laughter. “You- you know what that- you know what that sounds like, right?”

Your face contorts into disgust and you shake your head. “Let’s be more professional, alright, Soojin?”

She clears her throat and straightens her clothes, like a teenager being reprimanded. “I’m your senior. It’s embarrassing when you say that to me.”

Jaehyun speaks up and turns to you. “I think lunch break is almost over.”

You raise an eyebrow. “So?”

“You’re forgetting something.” He smiles, dimples showing, but his eyes come off menacing.

“Fuck,” you mutter under your breath. You forgot about that stupid lunch promise. 

“Hey. Professional,” Soojin warns.

You groan and link your arm through Jaehyun’s, making him bite back a smile. What is it with men and getting weirdly happy about lunch?

“We’re gonna go get lunch,” you announce.

“Ooh, (name)’s ditching quality time with coworkers for dates now,” Soojin coos.

You roll your eyes and exit the office, stopping to wait in front of the elevator.

“I think that went well,” Jaehyun says, shrugging lightly.

“Shh. What if they hear us?”

“Do you think they’re X-men? We’re a long corridor and closed doors away.”

You huff, crossing your arms. “Still…”

Jaehyun’s smug smile makes you want to smack it right off and this isn’t the first time you’ve felt this way with him. You swear he’s not as bad as some of the guys you’ve met but Jaehyun is simply annoying. An A grade nuisance. You can trust him though. If Soojin says he’s a reliable guy, you’ll believe her—she doesn’t bluff when it comes to seeing right through men, though she does have a tendency to believe stupid rumours.

“Your acting was shit though,” you snipe.

Jaehyun lets out a low sardonic laugh. “At least I was subtle when I was messing up.”

You cross your arms and huff. “You know what? You can take the next elevator ride.”

“Huh?”

You step into the elevator just as the doors open and quickly jam your finger to the close doors button. The look of betrayal on Jaehyun’s face is subtle but it’s enough to satisfy you. As the saying goes, when one door closes, another one opens—it’s very applicable to elevators. He can take the other one.

However, almost immediately after, the elevator doors open and you groan, opening your mouth to send a sarcastic congratulations to Jaehyun for pressing the button on time.

Your words hitch on your tongue. Dongmin greets the two of you with a smile, standing beside Jaehyun, who has his eyes averted from you.

“Hey,” Dongmin greets. “Congratulations. I heard the news.”

“Thanks,” you croak, clearing your throat with a bit of heat on your cheeks. Jaehyun looks like he might burst into a fit of laughter any moment and you shoot him a subtle glare.

“Where are you headed to?” You ask.

“Oh, I’m going to grab a sandwich from the cafeteria.”

“We’re also headed to the cafeteria,” Jaehyun declares, with a smile that’s almost devilish.

“No, we’re not,” you say quickly, making Dongmin raise an eyebrow. You hold back a groan. If only Dongmin weren’t raised to be the politest man you know and a little bit more of an asshole. 

You hum and turn to Jaehyun. “I told you about that new cafe. Remember, honey?”

Dongmin makes an ‘o’ with his mouth. “Nicknames, already? Ah, I’m so jealous. It must be great to get along with your soulmate.”

Oh, the sweet summer child that Dongmin is.

Jaehyun furrows his eyebrows. “Oh, won’t it take too long, darling? We have—”

He makes a show of checking his Rolex, a gift he received from his superior that he spares no chance to flex.

“—Around ten minutes left.”

You hold back a groan and plaster on your smile. “Come on. Now is the best time.”

“That sounds like a load of—”

You elbow Jaehyun hard in the gut and a restrained sound dies in his throat, eyes widening in the sweet look of discomfort taking over his features. You smile triumphantly and turn to Dongmin with an immediate change of expression.

“I’ll see you in office later,” you say, bowing slightly.

Dongmin nods and gets off on the fifth floor. You watch in quiet relief as the elevator door closes and turn to your dear companion, irked.

“Did you have to do that?” Jaehyun asks, voice raspy with pain.

“You deserved it. Don’t you dare make this a bigger mess than it already is.”

“You came up with it.” Jaehyun straightens, finally. Apart from the few loose strands of his neatly parted hair, he doesn’t seem all that disgruntled.

“And we’re going to set some ground rules,” you declare, closing your arms.

Jaehyun straightens to his full height, the space between the two of you diminishing. 

"Okay," he agrees. "Then we both get a say in it. It's a contract, after all."

"Fine. First rule, no being weird around Dongmin."

Jaehyun chuckles. "I think you need to be more careful about that than I do."

You pat his cheek. "Focus. Just don't- don't be around him for too long."

Jaehyun purses his lips. "Why are you so uncomfortable around him? I thought you were doing this because you didn't want to reject him."

You glance away, feeling uncomfortable. "It doesn't matter. I just don't want him to know."

Jaehyun hums. "Fine. My turn. No calling me a chump."

Your cheeks puff up as you try to contain your laughter. "It bothered you that much, huh?"

Jaehyun furrows his brows. "No one's ever called me that before. It's always 'oh my god, he's so handsome, who is he?' or 'ooh, I might faint from how hot he is'."

You giggle. "Alright, handsome."

Jaehyun exhales, his puffed cheeks making him look like a resentful five year old instead of a grown man with a professional job. You pause before you get back on track.

“No nicknames,” you blurt. “It’s weird when you call me something endearing. And your flirting feels kind of threatening.”

“What do you mean, baby?”

“See! You’re doing it again.” You cross your arms at the look on his face; anything close to victorious over Jaehyun’s features is unbearable to you.

He raises his arms in exasperation. “How are we supposed to make this work if we act like we don’t care about each other. Guess why Doyoung’s taking us to couple therapy?”

You huff, slightly pissed off. “You’re saying it was my fault?”

“I’m saying we could have avoided that with better acting.”

“You think you’re so—”

The elevator door opens with a ding on the first floor and you turn to find a bunch of interns back from their lunch break. It would be much less of an awkward affair if you and Jaehyun weren’t well into each other’s personal spaces, noses almost touching and with a mutual glare which could be easily mistaken for a look of something more sensual. You jump away from Jaehyun and leave the elevator as fast as you can, feeling far too conscious of yourself. With long strides, you exit the corporate airs of the building to a sunny, fairly populous sidewalk. 

Jaehyun catches up to you, bending and trying to catch a glimpse of your face with an incredulous smile over his.

“Don’t say a word, Yoonoh.”

“Ooh, you’re saying my name now.”

“This isn’t funny!”

“I find it plenty funny.”

“That’s because of your trash sense of humour.”

“Mhm.”

“Don’t look so smug.”

Mondays are the days that make you want to scream in agony, not Thursdays—though they are pretty high up on the worst days of the week list. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe pretending to be in love with someone you simply cannot be in love with is an awful idea. 

Soulmates don’t need to be in love with each other, you think to yourself. There’s plenty of soulmates who are just in it for the financial benefits; you can just pretend to be one of them. This dilemma is starting to fray your nerves and Jung Yoonoh, with his lax disposition and dimpled cheeks, is making it worse. And to top it off, you now have to take him to your favourite (kind of secret) cafe in the name of the lies that slipped your tongue. It was supposed to be a quiet comfort spot for you.

You blow a puff of air out and dismiss the thought. Comfort spots aren’t real anyway when you’re all grown. There’s bound to be a breach. 

However, you will not let the (lacking) romance department of your life get sorted out by someone who doesn’t even know you. Lady luck would be an acquaintance to you at most. If fate is a game of chance after all, you might as well be the one spinning the roulette. You look at Jaehyun, piecing together the perfect plan for this seemingly frivolous play-pretend. The game is in your hands now. 

You blink at the figure of Jung Yoonoh under February sunlight on a modestly busy sidewalk. It’s not something to be surprised at—however, the stark contrast in attire makes you stare longer than you intend to. Wearing a black graphic hoodie and pair of worn out jeans, Jaehyun looks about as casual as you can bear. It’s always weird to see coworkers out of formal clothing.

“Are you just going to stare at me till Doyoung comes and picks us up?” he asks. 

You roll your eyes. 

“You look nice,” he says, and you glance down at your outfit with a flush of heat over your cheeks. It’s just a short A-line skirt, stockings and a sweatshirt. This is as basic as you get. What’s worse is that his comment didn’t sound sarcastic.

“You- You look nice too. I guess.” Once in a while, you will say something extremely stupid and pretend it never happened. The frequency increases around Jaehyun for some damn reason.

“You guess? I’m pretty sure I look more than nice.”

“And how long did you look at yourself in the mirror and practise catchphrases this time?”

Jaehyun’s ears turn the shade of cherries and you press down your smile. You knew that time you caught him talking to himself in front of a car window would play to your advantage. 

“What’s that you’re holding?” you ask, eyeing the plastic bag he’s holding.

“Ginseng,” he answers, staring blankly at the cars passing by. “I heard the couples therapist is in his sixties so he might find it useful.”

“Oh, old people stuff,” you muse quietly. “That’s quite thoughtful of you.”

You should’ve brought something, you think for a moment before realizing that couples probably don’t give separate gifts. 

“Thanks,” you mutter.

He raises an eyebrow. “For what?”

You shake your head. “Anyway, we might as well kill some time. Twenty questions. Let’s go.”

He laughs. “What are we, in college?”

You wrinkle your nose. “Don’t make us sound like we’re thirty. I bet you’re the kind of guy who has his retirement plan figured out.”

“Wrong,” he emphasizes, face leaning closer. 

“Fine. I’ll start the questions, you unsalted block of butter. How many relationships have you been in?”

Jaehyun opens his mouth and closes it, ears turning red. “That’s your first question?”

You roll your eyes. “Okay. I’m guessing it’s single digit and on the lower side.”

He rolls his eyes. “How many relationships have you been in?”

You shut your mouth. There’s a moment of silence, a breeze passing you by, carrying winter away in its arms to make room for spring. 

“Never found a relationship worth it,” you mutter, glancing away. 

Jaehyun hesitates before opening his mouth. “Me neither.”

“Good thing for us, eh? Love makes people crazy.”

Jaehyun faces you with a clipped smile. Never did you think Jaehyun from marketing would be relating to you on a personal matter.

“Oh, but I’ve had enough hookups and I can bet you’re mediocre at best in bed.” 

Jaehyun glares at you. “I am not and I can prove it to you.”

“Is that an invitation into your bed? No, thanks.”

He opens his mouth to retort but is interrupted by the Hyundai Grandeur pulling up to the sidewalk and rolling down the driver window to reveal Doyoung. He looks as overworked as usual, but his eyes are more tired, a bit of makeup covering the dark circles. You’ve heard his soulmate is a makeup artist for an idol group and wonder how they even came to be. Does fate throw darts randomly and pick its choice?

“Get in. Quick,” Doyoung instructs. “I have to drop you off and head home. My family is visiting. I didn’t even get a warning and they think I’m in a gay relationship with Taeyong because we still have our friendship rings from college.”

You want to laugh and agree but Doyoung looks rather pissed off so you hold it in. The two of you do as told, getting in the backseat and shutting the doors in sync. The car smells rather leafy mingling with the scent of fresh clothes and you eye the jar dangling from the rear-view mirror. You open your mouth to ask what scent that is when Doyoung’s voice rings out.

“What’s that?” Doyoung signals to the bag with Jaehyun.

Jaehyun looks down. “Ginseng extract.”

“Oh, the gift pack?” Doyoung asks. 

Jaehyun nods and Doyoung chuckles, shaking his head. “If that’s for Mr. Lee, forget it. He hates gifts. Something about inward appreciation and shit.”

Jaehyun groans, massaging his forehead. “What do I do with this then? Is this guy a priest?”

“Give it to Doyoung,” you suggest. “His family’s visiting.”

You hear an audible hum of approval from the driver seat and turn to Jaehyun making a face of reluctance. Maybe he isn’t so magnanimous after all, you think smiling.

“You’re both quite tame today,” Doyoung remarks, just when the silence is starting to swallow the inside of the car. “Makes me wonder if you need Mr. Lee after all.”

“We actually don’t…” You shake your head. “We’re here and it’s free so why not?”

Jaehyun shoots you a questioning look. It’s not like you can cancel when you’re in Doyoung’s car and already on the way. You’ve known your boss long enough to know the wrong answer to his questions. You look outside at Seoul streets and sigh. 

Jaehyun looks at you, your focus elsewhere and wishes this would end already. He has no idea what overcame him to accept your ridiculous offer but he must be just as ridiculous. At the very least, he finds you quite lovely to look at—not that he’d ever admit it to you. The foundation to this weird bickering friendship (if he can call it that) would be ruined by that. His ego, however, has been boosted up a few notches from the fact that you called him for help. He looks outside the window, holding back a smile. It’s a sunny day.

The therapist, Mr. Lee’s office building is a fancy one with an even fancier lobby. Baby pink leather couches cushion your bum nicely as you wait for your appointment. The architecture is that of a corporate firm and you feel quite at home with the large glass walls by the revolving door. This therapist guy must be rich as hell. The receptionist wears a formal uniform; her blouse is light pink with a grey pencil skirt and you like the look of it. You wonder if asking her where she bought it is time-appropriate. More couples sit around you and you, unfortunately, have to scoot closer to Jaehyun as a result. You do not want to catch that disease they all have. Why are they even here for therapy if they’re smiling at each other in that sickly enamored way? 

Now that you’re here, you’re starting to feel that this arrangement was ill-decisive. You should’ve done a better job of acting. You wonder if you can get a refund for that college course on acting, pouting as the ticking wall clock gets on your nerves. Even the marble floors are pink; the walls are mahogany red and there’s a heart-shaped wall clock, and should you glance around more, you’re going to nauseate yourself. This guy certainly takes his job seriously—or just really likes pink-red themes.

A woman in her early thirties exits the elevator and announces your names, and you click your tongue at the fact that she used Jung for your surname. It sounds distasteful. 

You follow her, starting to get nervous. You really hope this Mr. Lee isn’t as good as Doyoung says he is. Your fraud falling apart within three days is too embarrassing a defeat, not to mention bordering on illegal if found out. What the fuck does the government care about broken hearts and beneficial relationships? It’s so nosy. You understand the financial situation in case of happily bonded soulmates but apart from that, there really shouldn’t be this much discrepancy in the name of love.

Love drives people crazy. You’d rather not lose your good sense in the name of something so inane. After all, money makes the world go around, not love. 

Restricting a gag at the deep red heart on the door, you push them open with Jaehyun to find an old man sitting on a similar baby pink couch as in the lobby. He gets up to greet the two of you, the wrinkles on his face deepening when he smiles. Despite everything, he has a sort of grace to him, the one that comes with growing old elegantly. An upbeat song plays on a record player attached to the wall, although at a very low volume, and the tune reminds you of Animal Crossing. 

“Doyoung told me about the two of you,” Mr. Lee says, gesturing at the two of you to sit down. “How long has it been since you found out?”

“Six days,” you answer at the same time Jaehyun answers, “Four days”.

The two of you look at each other.

“Four-Six days. We didn’t keep track.”

“Ah,” Mr. Lee says. “How do you propose to celebrate your anniversary?”

You hesitate opening your mouth and declaring that you don’t really need to do that crap. Mr. Lee notices your expression and breaks into gentle laughter. 

“I’m kidding. Anniversary dates don’t matter,” he laughs. “It’s okay to celebrate your 100-day on the wrong day. Don’t worry.”

You purse your lips. To your dismay, Jaehyun isn’t as bothered by the sickly pink environment and Mr. Lee’s relaxed demeanour.

“I have a hundred percent success rate,” Mr. Lee assures the two of you, looking directly at you.

“That’s what I’m worried about,” you mutter under your breath and get a nudge from Jaehyun, who has his politest smile on.

You can’t believe Jaehyun has a better customer service mode than you do. If you didn’t know him, you’d be fooled into thinking he’s the nice guy character every office has. Unfortunately, that one goes to Dongmin. You hate getting stuck with nice guys (unless they offer financial stability).

“I think Doyoung might have been exaggerating,” Jaehyun explains calmly. “Whatever he told you.”

“He told me the two of you have a bickering problem. And staring at each other when the other isn’t looking.”

You cough. “That is not true. The staring part.”

Jaehyun narrows his eyes at you. “I knew you were checking me out,” he mutters.

You roll your eyes. “Keep dreaming, Jaehyun.”

Mr. Lee laughs. “Your bickering seems to be quite affectionate. I don’t know what that boy was worried about.”

You press your lips together into a thin smile, annoyed that anyone would ever describe your interaction with a man as affectionate. It makes you feel like an idiot. You were always better off alone—the universe was wrong to assign Dongmin to you. Maybe you needed to see the apparent love of your life clearly in love with someone else to snap you to reality.

“However, what is a playful lover’s fight in the beginning can turn into real fights.”

“Right,” you mutter. “It’s all fun and games in the beginning.”

“The two of you have almost no animosity—you’ve known each other before you discovered the soulmark, right?”

The two of you nod, having already reconciled yourselves to this session. It’s a one-time thing, you tell yourself. It will be over soon.

“The soulmate information shouldn’t influence the relationship you already had. If anything, it should be drawing you closer. First time awkwardness is common.”

He’s starting to sound a lot like your high school sex ed teacher. You get the idea to pretend to be sick and get out of this early.

“Company policy too,” Jaehyun mutters. “Unofficial company policy makes office romance out to be some sort of sacrilege.”

“You know, I was the CEO of your company so I do know the policies,” Mr. Lee says, smiling in the confident, reserved way senior citizens offering wisdom do. 

You choke on the water you were taking a sip of, a coughing fit overcoming you and Jaehyun hesitates before awkwardly patting your back.

“Huh? CEO? I’m sorry?” you manage. 

Mr. Lee lets out a loud, hearty laugh. “I stepped down two years ago.”

“That’s when I joined,” you and Jaehyun say at the same time.

Mr. Lee smiles at the two of you wordlessly. “I have an idea for the two of you. Why don’t you try turning your ‘I’s into ‘we’s? Do some activities together and when you talk about it, you’ll find yourself much closer.”

You narrow your eyes. “You know, Mr. Lee, I’m a little curious about your relation with the company—”

“My recommendations won’t help you get promotions faster.”

“Dammit.”

Jaehyun chuckles beside you but a glare from you turns it into a suppressed smile. The one thing that wouldn’t be a waste of time opened its door and closed it right back. 

“But you know how promotions work,” you press, leaning forward.

An alarm rings, so pleasant in tone that you know it’s a Samsung. Unfortunately, it’s the ugly flip model and you question Mr. Lee’s taste (and wealth).

“Oh, look, time’s up,” Mr. Lee announces, and you think you catch a hint of nervousness in his voice. 

Jaehyun springs up before his ears turn red, embarrassed by the gusto with which he himself got up and looks at you expectantly. You get up, sighing.

“Next time, Mr. Lee,” you warn. “I will get those details.”

“I charge by the hour.” He smiles.

“Stop threatening the therapist,” Jaehyun mutters to you, taking your arm and turning to leave.

“Oh, and,” Mr. Lee calls. “It’s always better to be honest than to pretend.”

You blink in surprise when Jaehyun tugs at your arm, bowing in thanks and leaving the room with you.

“Was it just me or did he see through us?” you whisper to Jaehyun.

He shakes his head, whispering back, “There’s no way he could tell. He’s probably referring to something else.”

“Like what?”

Jaehyun doesn’t answer.

“Tell me, are you always so domineering towards strangers even?” he asks. “I just thought you liked to press my buttons because I’m easygoing.”

You scoff. “Don’t flatter yourself. You’re not as cool as you think you are, especially since you get so hot and bothered by me.”

“It’s just you,” he whispers earnestly and your pulse rises. “No one else.”

You cough to kill the awkward silence and walk faster to the elevator. Jaehyun follows at a leisurely pace and it’s never occurred to you before but the sound of someone’s footsteps can also be annoying, proof currently standing beside you.

The elevator doors open, and much to your appallment, a young couple happens to be full blown making out inside the elevator, hands where there certainly shouldn’t be in broad daylight. Jaehyun whips his face away, clearing his throat loud enough for the couple to detach themselves from each other and hurriedly exit, fixing their clothes on the way.

“So he wasn’t lying about the success rate,” Jaehyun states quietly, a look of resigned horror on his face.

You can’t even respond for a few moments, following him into the elevator and shaking your head to get rid of the thought that inevitably jams itself inside your head. It might have a point, however.

"Maybe we should kiss too," you think out loud.

Jaehyun stiffens, looking at you with wide, fearful eyes. "No."

"We have to kiss, we're dating!" You exclaim, hands on your hips.

"We're not actually—ah, whatever. It’s not worth bickering with you."

"Why? Afraid you'll fall in love with me?”

Jaehyun shakes his head, and you’re suddenly aware that your bickering keeps drawing you closer to each other, your faces nearer than you’d realized.

"If anything," he starts with a confident smile. "You better not fall in love with me."

"Oh, please. You're taking this way too seriously."

"You're the one that wants to kiss me."

Your cheeks heat up. "You're- I- That's not—argh, fuck you."

Jaehyun looks smug, and you have the unstoppable urge to punch it off his face. You take a deep breath. Violence is not the way, (name).

“If we were a few years younger, you’d be begging for mercy under me,” you seethe.

Jaehyun’s eyes shift over your face in confusion, ears burning bright red with each passing second. Before he can open his mouth, you let out a short yell.

“Not like that, you pervert,” you say, leaning away from him. 

“I didn’t even say anything. On an unrelated note, were you a delinquent in school?”

You roll your eyes. “Kind of. I had a temper and a sharp tongue.”

“And now you’re a people pleaser. That’s quite the development.”

You smack his shoulder. “You’re getting on my nerves, punk.”

He makes an ‘oh’ with his mouth before smiling. “You totally did the delinquent accent.”

“I’m guessing you were the shy, little boy who flushed red at conversations about kissing.”

Jaehyun clears his throat in annoyance. “I was not. I was quite popular in high school and college, you know?”

“Yeah,” you mutter. “It’s that face of yours.”

“Sorry, what? I didn’t catch that.”

“Oh, look, we’re on the first floor.” You exit the elevator, leaving a puzzled Jaehyun to follow in stumbling steps.

“I don’t think Doyoung’s picking us up,” you state. “You take the bus? Or do you have a car to flex? I don’t ride in anything below a Tesla, unless it’s Doyoung because he’s technically my boss.”

“You’ll have to do with good old rented Hyundais,” he answers.

You exhale. Maybe he’s getting used to you. The bus stop is opposite the building, the structure squeaky clean and a bunch of people waiting on the seats. It’s a busy place and you wonder if the scammy-therapist-slash-your-former-ceo’s business has anything to do with that. You sit the first chance you get, shoulders pressed against Jaehyun’s for the lack of space and admiring the passing traffic. Seoul really just depends on the lenses you see through. Work days make the screen tinted grey and blue and you hate them often but some days, it’s good to experience those. Weekends are brighter, sunny and usually not with Jaehyun but he doesn’t really put a damper on them either.

You scan his side profile, a little envious when you realize that his confidence isn’t misplaced. You might have trained yourself to be more of a pleaser over the years but he’s the sort of person people come to like naturally. Moreover, his skin is perfect and his hair is always looking styled even in a mess. Fate and Life are partners in crime when it comes to being unfair.

Jaehyun turns to look at you and you snap your head to your lap, turning on your phone and staring at the homescreen for a good few seconds.

“Twenty questions,” Jaehyun announces. “Let’s play again. I’ll go first. Do you check me out when I walk away?”

“What is this, playing my own cards against me?” You scoff. “You’re so full of yourself.”

“So, yes or no?”

“Sometimes,” you mutter. “But it’s not the good kind of checking out. I’m checking out how terrible you look with your mess of a tie.”

Jaehyun laughs, the sound a hearty rumbling sort and you can’t help but smile back at that. It’s kind of cute when he laughs—the sound of it and the way his cheeks are dusted pink.

“My turn,” you say with a cheeky smile as you lean in to whisper. “Have you ever had a wet dream about me?”

Jaehyun chokes on air, coughing out the surprise as he stares at you dumfound. You stick the tip of your tongue out and throw him a wink, thoroughly enjoying this victory against him. It feels great to fluster someone like Jaehyun.

“No,” he says with clear emphasis. 

“Even the night you said I was so unbearably hot very loudly to Sicheng?”

Jaehyun leans back sighing, covering his face with his hand. “I was tipsy. And it was my first night out with coworkers. Give me a break.”

You giggle. “Honestly, it wasn’t that bad. There were worse incidents that night. An intern threw up on Doyoung’s shoes—I can’t even imagine the horror the poor girl experienced.”

Jaehyun shakes his head, smiling through his hand. 

“Have you ever sent nudes?” you ask, wiggling your eyebrows.

He sighs. “Maybe. Have you?”

“Oh, wouldn’t you like to know?”

He curls his lips. The answer seems to be no but you’re at least seventy percent sure he would be attracted to you in a world where your personality traits weren’t being nosy and annoying.

“Do you think you’re a good kisser?” Jaehyun asks, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees.

“Definitely.”

He scoffs, a smile tugging at his lips.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You cross your arms.

He shrugs, leaning in slightly as though flirting (if he had the audacity). “We could test that.”

You feel your cheeks heat up. “What happened to no kissing in the contract?”

“It’s not officially there.”

You roll your eyes, glancing away. “You know, I’m starting to believe you were some sort of desperate fuckboy in college.”

“I- I was the hottest dude on campus and if we went to the same college, you would be pining after me. I literally had the Campus Prince title and girls would follow me to see me in class.”

He crosses his arms, a frown tugging down his lips.

“Ooh, Jung Yoonoh’s getting fired up,” you say in a monotonous voice. “Wonder how many girls you pulled with your chewed up fuckboy dialogue.”

Jaehyun scoffs but he clearly finds your accusations amusing, as hinted by his unbothered smile. He asks a question again.

“What’s more important to you—truth or happiness?” 

The question catches you off-guard. Jaehyun’s eyes are delicately curious, nothing too strong and even so, you find yourself holding your breath under his gaze.

“Huh?”

“Twenty questions. We were playing?” Jaehyun raises an eyebrow.

“Right.” You clear your throat, rubbing the back of your hand. “I… I’d choose happiness, I think. I’m… I’m not sure.”

“Really?” He doesn’t look too hellbent on taking apart your answer so you breathe out. He’s starting to pry into you finally. “I think the truth will make you happier.”

“That’s not- that’s not always true.” You look away, hoping the quietness of your voice ends the conversation there. You don’t know how to talk about it—you never really have. You’ve ugly cried over the lack of your love life to a stranger after five shots of whiskey but you don’t think you can talk about things like this sober. You don’t even know why you answered. Jaehyun makes you feel oddly comfortable.

Jaehyun shrugs, getting up when the next bus halts in front. 

“What did you major in?” you ask, following him.

“Business,” he answers before thinking. “Kind of hated it. But I started out with IT and that was somehow worse.”

You gasp, taking a seat beside him on the bus. “I started with IT too! It was a nightmare. You took that Database Management course?”

Jaehyun smiles. “It was like the course equivalent of reading the back of a Wi-Fi Router.”

You laugh. Maybe he isn’t so different after all. 

“You know, you do look like a business major,” you hum, furrowing your brows as you pretend to scrutinise him.

“So, you’re indirectly saying I either look like a rich kid or a jackass.” Jaehyun raises an eyebrow.

“They’re both the same thing.”

The laughter from the two of you makes an old woman behind you grunt in displeasure and the two of you apologize. It’s nice to talk like college kids again. The Seoul sunlight shines on Jaehyun’s face and you bite back a smile when his dimples appear. They aren’t all that bad. If you get along like this, there’s no reason to worry about fate and the universe and other superfluous things offered to you on a boring old ceramic plate. It’s a smooth ride.

Your eyes drift to Dongmin’s workspace instinctively and you shake your head. This is exactly why you were avoiding him and even started the entire fake relationship with Jaehyun. You’d choose fake dating a (good-looking) chump from management over embarrassment and possible heartbreak any day.

You groan internally before glancing again and find the desk empty. Surprised, you blink and turn only to scream at Dongmin’s figure behind you.

“Shh!” he says urgently. “Don’t move. And don’t panic when I say this but there’s a bug on your shoulder.”

“What the fuck? Get it off, please,” you say, voice choking up.

Dongmin rolls up a stack of papers and you let out a low screech. “Don’t kill it on my shoulder!”

“Sorry,” he says and your eyes soften as he gently pushes the paper against your shoulder and takes it away. You breathe a sigh of relief and he signs you a thumbs up as he wiggles the paper in the air outside the window. 

“You saved me,” you say, smiling.

He returns it, his most beloved eye smile making you wonder if you made the right choice. Wouldn’t it be fun to just crash everything and watch it burn? You know you want to. Benevolence and grace were never your style. However, it’s his smile again that stops you. Maybe you don’t really want to be the bad guy after all. You’re sparing him from confusion and dread.

You’re sparing yourself from rejection and inevitable loneliness (yay).

It’s been a week, discussing details with Jaehyun before the both of you collectively decided to just wing it and hope you’re not caught. After all, there’s no real way to prove you’re not soulmates if you’re careful enough (the same way you can’t prove someone’s cheating if they’re careful enough but that’s quite a depressing analogy). Perhaps if you renounce the soulmate benefits (and Dongmin didn’t smile as often at you), it would be less morally taxing. You, however, are greedy. When you want something, you’ll do anything to get it.

You stare at the computer screen and sigh, cross checking the employee records for incorrect data and your eyelids start to droop. Of all the days, you just had to be assigned the most boring task on a Friday. You also should’ve gotten sleep instead of getting mad at Jaehyun’s dry responses to your plan of action. It was perfectly viable; unnecessary, but perfect nonetheless.

Soojin rolls her chair backwards into yours. “We’re going drinking tonight. Wanna come? You can bring your boy-toy too.”

You roll your eyes. “As much as I’d love to call him that, he’s still the chump from marketing for me.”

“Or,” Soojin emphasizes. “Your actual soulmate. How lucky is it that you work in the same building, in the same company?”

“I’m not sure if you’re being ironic.” You scroll through the database with trained eyes.

“I’m not. A lot of soulmates don’t even get to see each other because of their line of work. It’s so tragic.”

You’d be glad if you didn’t get to see Dongmin ever too. But you’ll keep that to yourself. You hum in response and hear a sigh from behind you.

“Let’s have fun,” she whines. “Is Jaehyun that much of a downer? He’s one of the hottest dudes in the building. I thought you’d be cheery.”

You pause and think to yourself. She does have a point. You’re definitely supposed to look happier. Your soulmate has the looks of a model and fifteen year old you would fawn over him no doubt.

“It’s the work,” you answer. “I’m working overtime to compensate for my rent.”

You work overtime anyway because you hate heading home to an empty apartment. 

“Ah, you signed a new lease, right? Near Songpa?” Soojin looks at you with pity and pats your shoulder. “You know what? I’ll treat you to drinks tonight. You deserve a day off, missy.”

You smile. “Thanks, Soojin.”

“And,” she adds in a singsong voice. “The love of your life is here.”

You furrow your eyebrows before tilting your head and almost sighing in exasperation at the figure of Jung Yoonoh outside the glass door. He may not show it, but you know distress when you see it. You’ve seen enough squirming undergraduates at company interviews. 

You quickly get up from your seat, praying that he didn’t mess something up. However, you find it cute when he looks like this, the urge to fluster him even more presenting itself to be rather tempting.

“I think you have a sick obsession with me, Jaehyun.” You cross your arms after closing the door behind you.

He exhales, closing his eyes for a moment before taking your arm and pulling you away from the door. 

“Woah, this isn’t high school. You can’t just pull me into a corner to make out.”

Jaehyun’s ears flare hot red and he clears his throat. “You’re in high spirits today.”

You weren’t, actually. Somehow, teasing Jaehyun gives you the same rush as caffeine. You just love when the nonchalance on his face turns into discomposure.

“I came to give Doyoung these files. Or you, since you’re practically his assistant.”

You ignore his comment. “There’s clearly something else.”

“The team sports event is coming up,” Jaehyun starts, hesitating. “I’m not managing it this year. I have to participate.”

“So?”

“So Dongmin has a higher chance of finding us out. What if he sees my mark in the changing room and it all goes to shit?”

“Great! He’ll think you’re his soulmate and I’ll be spared from this nonsense.”

“I’m being serious. It’s already difficult living with Sicheng and having to change with my doors locked. It’s kind of suspicious.”

“Do you guys sleep naked with each other or what?”

“No, but I do sleep with my shirt off.”

“Ugh. Why would you give me that image?” you complain. The image isn’t bad per se but it’s not what you need right now.

“You clearly liked it,” he mutters. 

You furrow your eyebrows. “You’re not doing this just to give me a load of unnecessary anxiety, are you? Do you know how swamped with work I am?”

“No, of course not,” he answers, no indication of which question he answered. “Also, is there a reason Soojin’s glaring at me?”

You wave your hand in dismissal. “It’s just the haven’t-warmed-up-to-coworker’s-new-boyfriend glare. Don’t worry about it.”

He doesn’t seem too relieved but you have more anxious thoughts invading the privacy of your Friday evening. You have to keep up your composure. It could happen one way or another, perhaps in a situation better than a team sports activity, but you have to figure it out. You reject your soulmate anyway—the same way he would.

Glaring at Jaehyun one last time, you get back to your desk. Jaehyun looks at your receding figure and finds himself checking you out, the largest blow he’s taken to his dignity. He shakes his head, breathing in and out. This is so not like him. He’s supposed to be the suave, handsome guy who people can’t seem to get to and yet—yet, you do it so easily. It’s unfair. He swallows his heart and tells himself he’s too old to feel this way. He’ll just drown himself in work and pretend love is a commodity like everyone else with a corporate job is supposed to. 

“You know,” Soojin starts when you get back. “Jaehyun kind of looks high if you look at him long enough. Weed is illegal though but who knows? Maybe he’s a bad boy deep down after all.”

“Which rumour have you been paying attention to now?” You sigh deeply.

Soojin laughs. “It’s funny to hear everyone’s opinions. Even if most of them turn into scandalous tall tales.”

“Anyway,” she continues. “I’m clocking out. I’ll get Jaehyun to take you to the sake bar.”

You look at her, puzzled.

“You’re a matching set now,” she follows up and you groan.

“Don’t give me that cr—”

“Toodle-oo! Let’s have some fun before we’re grey and old, eh?”

You sigh and nod. Maybe you should look into a caffeine fix, even if it costs you a mental power outage at the end of the rush. It’s not like you to be so down on a Friday but alas, Fate is as miserable a woman as you are. The sake bar is starting to sound good.

Or, you could always watch a few ASMR cooking videos instead of staring blankly at the employee records. Either way, this Friday better improve by tonight.

“This is going great,” Soojin says, louder than she probably intended after her fourth shot.

“Of course it is,” you mutter. 

You haven’t yet had a chance to drink more because of two reasons: one) Soojin is hogging the alcohol and two) it would be embarrassing to get drunk in front of Jaehyun. Adding to your misery, Soojin has been gushing over her soulmate and the way she always makes breakfast for Soojin, listing off every single recipe she’s made. You would love to listen but you’re a tiny bit past your limit.

“Wooh, Jaehyun, you look hot,” Soojin whistles, in more of an older sister manner. “I can almost see your tattoo. Why don’t the two of you show us at the same time and we can take a commemorative picture?”

You cough loudly. “Mine’s on my waist, Soojin. I’m not ready to expose skin.”

“Right. Sorry.” She turns back at lightning speed to bother Dongmin with her stories, who smiles at her politely. It seems so genuine that you’re slightly enamored with it for a moment. There’s Jungwoo from marketing beside him, some more HR employees and thankfully, no interns. Doyoung is the only one partly miserable in the lot, talking into the phone for half an hour now. 

“Shit.” Jaehyun nudges you and whispers, “I forgot about the tattoo. This T-shirt makes it very visible.”

You look at him, alarmed. You fix his jacket, startling him, and pull the zipper all the way to his neck, making sure to backhand him on the chin.

“There.”

“It’s hot in here.”

“What do you want me to do about it? God, you’re like a child.”

“I’m like a—okay. Just cover my tattoo with foundation or something.”

“You think I carry around a whole bottle of foundation?”

Jaehyun blinks, deeming it safer to keep his mouth shut. 

“Okay. Fine. I have an idea. Come to the washroom with me.”

“Oh my, this isn’t your making out in the corner type of thing, right?”

You glare at him and he shuts up, following you quietly to the surprisingly clean restroom. The fact that it isn’t gendered makes you very glad. You make Jaehyun sit on the low enough basin counter and push your knee against it to balance yourself as you take out a permanent marker from your bag.

“I hope Doyoung doesn’t fire me for sneaking away,” you mutter angrily. “He didn’t even make me receive his calls all day.”

Jaehyun scoffs lightly. “Please, Doyoung adores you and your work ethic. He talks about it more than what I need to overhear. That and Taeyong’s detailed aquarium maintenance rules.”

“He does?”

Jaehyun clears his throat and you hold back bombing him with more questions till you’re done with painting an arrow into his tattoo.

“Isn’t it weird?” He looks at you with round, curious eyes. “Yours is a heart. Mine’s a pierced heart.”

“Hm. Funny coincidence.”

“Do you have to sit on my lap for this?”

“I’m not sitting on your lap,” you hiss. You are kind of close. You train your eyes on his collarbone as you pull his neckline down. 

It would be so embarrassing to be caught like this. You’d rather be caught making out with someone in the broom closet. You hold back a pained sigh. Jaehyun has some nerve speaking to you when you’re already annoyed with him. Couldn’t he just have worn his business attire? Why does he get to go home early? Taeyong is far too lenient a boss. You start swearing internally, getting nervous when you think about the consequences of your actions.

“Has anyone ever filed a complaint against you?” Jaehyun asks, and you nudge his chin upwards to draw the line on his tattoo.

“For what? Being perfect and successful?”

“For that attitude. The ‘take what I want’ attitude.”

You roll your eyes. “No. You’re saying it like I’m awful to the core for trying to take what I want. I haven’t got such a bad soul, you know, as souls go. You wouldn't write articles about how good a soul it is but… it’s well enough.”

Jaehyun raises an eyebrow and you avert your gaze from his eyes. This sort of proximity shouldn’t be bothering you, you shouldn’t be rambling.

The door opens right then and in a fit of panic, you do the unthinkable. You press your lips to Jaehyun’s and pray that whoever walked in has no idea who you are and more importantly, can’t see the permanent marker in your hand. 

“I’m so sorry!”

You know that voice. You half regret it when you hear it. Dongmin exits the bathroom as quickly as he entered and you pull away to look at the empty space. Beside you, Jaehyun stays so still that you forget he’s there for a moment. You breathe out in relief though part of you still feels a heavy ounce of regret.

You turn back to Jaehyun and find his doe eyes soft and lost in thought.

“I get it now,” Jaehyun whispers. “It must hurt. That he doesn’t care about the system.”

“What are you talking about?”

“That he’s so reckless about discarding you.”

You separate yourself from him further, standing up and brushing your clothes. “You’re overstepping.”

“Sorry,” he responds quietly. 

There’s a pause.

“Did you just kiss me right now?”

“Shut up. I didn’t want him to see us and especially this.” You wave the marker in front of his face.

“You just kissed me in a fit of panic. That’s the first time I’ve seen someone respond to panic this way.” Jaehyun looks a little too smug.

“What are you implying?” 

“You wanted to kiss me.”

You scoff. “Don’t get too ahead of yourself.” 

You want to knock the smile right off his face but you stick to flicking his forehead, his yell of surprise satisfying. This Friday night was supposed to get better. In fact, you are going to make it better if life won’t. The soju won’t drink itself and you deem that Soojin has had enough. 

Ignoring Dongmin’s confused look, you order far too many soju shots to be considered healthy. As you promised yourself, you are going to make this Friday better.

//

You just had to go and get drunk. Jaehyun stares at you, blinking slowly and wondering just how much you can embarrass yourself before it becomes a burden for him. He has to get you home; you’re practically a matching set now. But are the halves of a pair supposed to take care of the other when they get drunk?

“You know what, guys?” You announce, standing up abruptly and immediately getting pulled back to your seat by Jaehyun. It doesn’t stop your mouth however.

“I hate the stupid system,” you continue. “To tell the truth—”

He smacks his hand over your mouth. Jaehyun has had enough of the silent mini heart attacks you give him. The rest look at him with puzzled looks and he can’t even bring himself to give them a polite smile before dragging you out of the bar. The night breeze is cold enough—maybe it’ll sober you up.

"You're so annoying, Jaehyun," you mutter, massaging your forehead. "Did you know that?"

Or maybe it won’t.

"Never heard that before."

"How do you always keep to yourself and still be the center of attention?" You cling to his arm for balance. 

"Have you considered that maybe a polite man isn't as scheming as you think he is?"

You curl your lips. "Stop using big sentences. I hate that I barely know you, and I know everyone."

Jaehyun purses his lips. "You just enjoy the power that comes with figuring people out. Don't you?"

"Whatever you say. I want life to be a nice and smooth ride but then again, I can't even face my soulmate." You let out an airy laugh. "I didn't really need one though."

Jaehyun laughs in disbelief. "You look like you're dying of loneliness."

"Ooh, that's a big claim, Yoonoh."

"You say I keep to myself but what about you? You like hiding, don't you?"

You laugh. "Is this the part where I say we're nothing alike?"

He purses his lips, shaking his head in dismissal. He's just tired of chit-chat with someone who smells like she robbed a liquor store in Itaewon.

“You must think I’m some sort of selfish, vapid, work-obsessed overachiever,” you continue, tilting your head with a blank look in your eyes.

“Well, not exac—”

“But guess what? Your opinions are invalid, Jung Yoonoh. You’re just some chump from marketing. A very good-looking chump but still.”

Jaehyun swears under his breath as you fling your arms open in the same manner a speech-giving patriot fighting for freedom would. Unfortunately, the freedom struggle is private in this day and age, and you just smacked him in the nose instead.

You sigh deeply and he looks at you again, warily now as he holds his nose.

“You’re not exactly wrong either. I’m so empty. Like a bottle of soju with no soju. Could you bring me some?”

Jaehyun massages his temples and solidifies his resolve. He’s had enough stares from people on the sidewalk. With delicate concern, he holds you up with one arm around your waist, balancing your weight evenly so you can stand. Promptly, you bury your face into his neck and an embarrassing, high-pitched squeak evades the filter of his mouth. You’re just so adept at making his days (and nights) worse.

Jaehyun tries his best to carry you to the parking lot without any signs of struggle but good lord, are you uncooperative. Once he’s down lugging you to the passenger seat, he breathes out in relief at long last and makes sure you don’t fold in over yourself dozing off the seat. Getting you to sit up, he finds himself smiling the slightest bit at your smudged lipstick. Even like this, you’re quite pretty. 

Realizing what thought came over him, he shakes his head vigorously as if he’s committing a horrible crime. He just has to get you home—Soojin had texted him the address prior to the outing just in case—and then he can go back to pretending whatever he even is supposed to.

The sports event is really just HR and Management trying to one-up the other in a more quantitative way. You’re not really fond of the sweat and heavy breathing that comes with physical exertion if it’s for the sake of competition. Competition is such a childish, masculine way of handling things, especially emotions.

HR is leading in wins, however and that means you have something to rub in Jaehyun’s face. You hate participating but you’re not allowed to opt out without a medical certificate. At least one competition, and you had to choose the three-legged race. All these potential partners, and Dongmin had to choose you.

“I’ll win,” you tell Jaehyun, stopping by him once you exit the changing room. The indoor stadium is usually a recreational facility for senior employees but on sports day, it’s closer to a gladiator arena. The seats are green and occupied by grinning employees, most of them glad for a day off but also upset they don’t get to attend their personal affairs in it.

Jaehyun stops himself from rolling his eyes. “Shouldn’t it be a ‘we’? You need a partner. Oh, are you sad you can’t pick me?”

“Not at all.” You cross your arms, annoyed at his mock pity. 

Right then, Dongmin jogs up to you in a blue tracksuit. His hair sticks to his forehead because unlike you, he takes sports very seriously. Jaehyun, on the other hand, just seems to enjoy the competition. As a guilty pleasure, you’d like to see the two of them compete one day. That would be a competition worth betting on.

“I’ll have to borrow your soulmate.” Dongmin laughs. “The race is starting.”

Life strikes again with its poorly timed irony.

“Don’t mind me,” Jaehyun says politely.

The race is easier than you thought it would be considering most of the other employees struggle with teamwork. You’re the HR team for a reason. But then again, you feel a certain hollowness pervade you while you’re pressed to Dongmin’s side. Wouldn’t it be nice?

All you can think is that Dongmin and you are perfectly in sync. The realization comes off as sad despite your victory and the wide grins on both of your faces. 

Jaehyun purses his lips and gives the two of you a nonchalant look. He’s avoided getting caught in the changing room quite well. For some reason, he’s glad that you’re winning but also dissatisfied about it. He would certainly feel different if he were participating in that race, wouldn’t he? He would win. Losing a competition is a huge blow to his ego. Lately, he seems to be losing a lot of races. The two of you have been growing closer and he doesn’t mind late night discussions about flawed systems and childhood memories; but the fact that you’re growing on him is something for him to be on edge about. He’s never felt so close to someone, and still so far.

“Oh, they have good chemistry, don’t they?” Doyoung comments beside Jaehyun, before taking a sip from his bottle.

“What chemistry?” Jaehyun snaps and Doyoung almost chokes on the water.

“Chill out, man.” Doyoung eyes Jaehyun’s figure in concern. “She’s like officially yours.”

Jaehyun refuses in a series of sputtering responses. “That’s not what I meant. I’m not jealous. I’m not that kind of man.”

“I didn’t paint you as that kind of man either,” Doyoung mutters before speaking up. “But love, Jaehyun. Love’s a weird thing.”

Jaehyunn ignores his comment and walks down to the grounds, jogging up to you. He immediately forgets to say anything at all. Smooth move, Yoonoh.

You just stick out your tongue at him subtly.

“I told you we’d win,” you say.

Jaehyun crosses his arms. “Congratulations. I thought you, quote, hate this stupid competition for dunces.”

You clear your throat and Dongmin laughs beside you. Before he can offer his bottle, Jaehyun offers his own in a rush. You raise an eyebrow but don’t question it.

“You guys really are a perfect pair.” Dongmin laughs. “Sometimes I wish Mijoo was my soulmate.”

You give him a pitiful smile. There go your happy feelings of victory.

“But I’m happy this way.” Dongmin nudges your shoulder with his. “Don’t give me that look.”

That is not the look he thinks you were giving. You smile. 

“What about this? We can go on a double date! Those are fun, right?” Dongmin muses, crossing his arms.

“No,” you and Jaehyun refuse in a panic, and Dongmin blinks in confusion at the overwhelming response.

“I'm more of a homebody,” you explain.

“Yeah, me too,” Jaehyun agrees.

It makes Dongmin laugh aloud. “Oh, fate didn’t go wrong with the two of you.”

Your smile wavers. Did it go so wrong with you and Dongmin? Jaehyun’s hand brushes yours and you look at him. A perfect side profile and flushed hot cheeks with dimples to die for. You wouldn’t mind being in love with him. You don’t mind love much at all. 

Shaking off the thought, you watch as Dongmin leaves the two of you to run to the changing rooms. Eyeing Jaehyun’s red team sweatshirt with “Management” in big typography over the chest, you look back up to his face. 

“Why did you jog over here so desperately?” You wiggle your eyebrows. “Jealous?”

“Yes. I am irreparably in love with you.”

He leans in quickly and you flinch, making his dimples show up.

“Asshole,” you curse. “I’ll file you for harassment. Don’t do that again.”

“Isn’t it harassment when you feel me up while you draw—” Jaehyun leans in to whisper. “—the soulmark?” 

“I would never have my hands near your greasy existence if I could,” you huff, scandalized. 

But the thing is, Jaehyun is getting better at this game of flustering each other and you don’t like it one bit.

“Hey, you know Dongmin’s girlfriend?” he asks suddenly. 

You nod. “Kind of. I’ve seen her pictures on Instagram.”

Jaehyun pauses before humming in realization.

You cough. “Not that I was stalking them or something. Obviously.”

Jaehyun gives you a knowing smile but doesn’t question anything, much to your aggravation. It would’ve been better if you had a chance to prove you weren’t stalking them but then again, that is exactly what you were doing.

“Well, we went to the same college. Same major too.”

“Are you serious? Wait, how do you know? Does this mean you stalked their Instagram too?”

“Too?”

“Shut up.”

There’s a beat of silence. 

“She’s not exactly the evil homewrecker type,” he says.

“I know that,” you snap. If anything, you feel like the evil homewrecker even if Dongmin’s supposed to be your soulmate.

They’re so reckless. Jaehyun was right—you do blame them in a way. They don’t care who they trample under their nauseating parade of romance. But then again, that parade is better than a personal rejection.

“I’m just saying… don't hold it against them.”

“I don’t remember asking for advice, Jung Yoonoh.”

Jaehyun shrugs, dropping the issue. The preparations for the next race is starting and it has something to do with passing balls from basket to basket—you get bored already when you see Doyoung stretch before shaking hands with Taeyong.

“Wanna get ice-cream? We funded the food truck this year.” Jaehyun looks expectantly at you.

“Sure.” 

You contemplate holding his hand for a moment but let that thought bury itself. You don’t have to pretend right now. 

Much to your despair (or delight) however, Jaehyun takes your hand absentmindedly as he walks towards the exit. It’s not that you’ve never held hands before, it’s just that Jaehyun’s skin is soft against yours.

“I can’t believe you and Mijoo were in the same course.”

It seems she’s ahead of you in every direction you look to tread on. Of course, you will not be telling Jaehyun that. You don’t exactly feel jealousy—can’t feel jealousy when your life is perfect as it is. And for Jaehyun? You hate to admit it but you’d trade places with Mijoo any day.

“Well, she didn’t really like socializing back then so I didn’t know we were in the same program either.”

You chuckle, glancing down at your intertwined fingers despite your best efforts. It feels nice like this. It feels nice to be wanted by someone—even if it’s a lie.

“Do you think- Do you think they’re brave?” You ask. “They didn’t even hesitate to disregard the system.”

“I think people in love are always brave.”

You hum, looking down at your feet. All the more reason the system fucked up. You were never even supposed to be partnered up. You’re not brave—the face you put on is. The idea of love seems to get further and further away from you.

Just then, Jaehyun tugs at your hand, walking slightly faster and making you complain as you jog to catch up with his long strides. The food truck is fairly large, on the street outside to the stadium entrance. February is catching up with its heat and you curse at global warming for this hot winter day.

“You can take up to five scoops of different flavours,” he informs you, grinning sheepishly. “I guess the cups aren’t large enough for beyond that.”

“I didn’t know you were this passionate about ice-cream,” you say.

“Sicheng rubbed off on me.”

You laugh. IT must have given Sicheng enough stress to develop a sweet tooth. You love the HR Department when you look at the others in your company.

Jaehyun has a nice smile. You don’t know why you think that but you do and now you can’t focus on anything apart from the pink dust sprinkled over his cheeks and the handsome dimples that accompany. You don’t want to stare but clearly, Jaehyun must have been blessed by some divide being if not for fate. Maybe he’s a mess up like you. As far as you know, his soulmate doesn’t exist. That little red heart is so simple that none of the soulmate designs match it.

A rather repulsing part of you is happy about it. You like the feel of Jaehyun’s hands. You like the way he looks at you. You wouldn’t mind it if he were yours.  

Jaehyun’s house is as cosy as his mother makes you feel. It’s been a while since you’ve been home and if you were perhaps less emotionally constipated, you would have tears welling up in your eyes. There’s quite a few relatives too but then again, every Asian family jumps at the chance to celebrate something as mediocre as engagements and marriage and soulmate findings. Apparently, hormones are perfectly fine to them once you’re not teenagers anymore.

This isn’t so bad. What was so scary about meeting parents again? Jaehyun’s dad did challenge you with a questionnaire but lucky for you, you know exactly how interviews work. You’ve got enough information on Jaehyun from the man himself for this visit. The briefing he gave you was boring though; you already know what you need to know about Jaehyun.

You sit at the table, while most of the other guests work in the kitchen. Jaehyun’s mother asks you questions about your life, friendly and welcoming in every way possible. Mothers are truly god-sent. You wonder how she produced someone as far from divine as Jaehyun. (Except in looks, perhaps.)

You say that out loud and get a sharp quip from Jaehyun, his mother’s eyes lighting up at your childish interaction.

“Oh my, fate is never wrong!” She remarks with a wide smile. “I’ve never seen Jaehyun open up so much with anyone before. He was such a shy boy in school, you know? All the girls would send letters and confessions and he would just turn red in the face.”

“Mom.” He smiles all too sweet at her but you can see the panic in his eyes.

She rolls her eyes before turning to you. “Darling, you have no idea how proud I feel to see him this at ease. I was honestly getting tired of all the ‘your son is so polite and well-mannered’ comments. Some bickering ought to do him good.”

“Mom,” he repeats, straightening. “I think auntie needs some help setting up the table.”

“Don’t shoo me away yet. I have to tell (name) about the time you were elected class representative in middle school. And all those sports and acting awards.”

“You don’t have to advertise me, Mom,” he says, dropping his face into his hands to rub at his eyes, already growing tired. “I’m already- I’m already hers.”

His mother coos and apart from the expected deep red flush on Jaehyun’s skin, you find yourself feeling hot in the face too. Jaehyun’s aunt calls for his mother right then and you watch as she makes her way to the kitchen entrance, the two women glancing at you and giggling to each other over some shared words.

Jaehyun takes the opportunity to grab your hand and walk away to a more obscure part of the house upstairs. With significantly less relatives, it should be a good hiding spot unless discovered by his giggling cousins that he refuses to introduce you to. 

“Aw, what a shy baby,” you coo, smiling at the thought of a younger, easily-flustered Jaehyun.

His ears are bright red and you think that he’s still easily flustered. He just doesn’t show it much anymore—there’s only one dead giveaway.

“Forget everything my mom said,” he instructs. “It’s not important information.”

“Oh, no, darling. Your mother is a gold mine of vital information. You know what? I’m going to go chat her up right now. I’m sure you were quite the teenage dream I should know about.”

Jaehyun grips your wrist before you can escape, pulling your closer.

“Don’t.”

You don’t know if it’s the proximity or the fact that there are most definitely a few family members that could walk in right now—but you find yourself embarrassed as you look at his face. It’s very pleasant, handsome even, and the strands of his hair look irresistibly soft from this distance. You reach your hand out and brush the hair out of his eyes, almost instinctively. 

“You have nice eyes, Jaehyun,” you say out loud, not sure why. He doesn’t fluster this time but it makes you all the more aware of your nearness.

Your eyes glance at the bottom of the staircase to see a little girl, around nine, hiding from behind the wall that separates the dining room and the kitchen. You return your gaze to Jaehyun with a smirk.

"We should kiss right now. Your little cousin's watching."

Jaehyun looks mildly disgusted. "Why would I want to kiss you in front of my cousin?"

You roll your eyes. “You don't get it, do you? The fastest way to convince a family is through rumours.”

Jaehyun raises an eyebrow. "So?"

"Oh my god, you're an idiot. Nosy cousins are the most effective way to spread rumours."

"Ah." Jaehyun looks enlightened enough for you to continue.

"Okay, but first you need to have these mints." You take out the emergency mints from your purse.

"What? I don't need mints. I have nice smelling breath.”

"Everyone needs mints, Jaehyun. Especially men."

Jaehyun sighs heavily. You take the opportunity to grab his wrist and pull him into a corner. 

"Have this mint or else."

You hold his face between your thumb and forefingers, cheeks squishing under the pressure as you force a mint in. He lets you do it for some reason, looking lost as he gazes at you. 

You raise an eyebrow. "Oh my, you're enjoying this. Pervert."

"Wha—what? You have to stop thinking you're hot shit, oh my god. I just got distracted for a bit."

"By me, right?"

"No! I just zoned ou—you're enjoying this."

You bite down your smile but a giggle escapes you anyway. Jaehyun rolls his eyes though he smiles, looking far too close to irresistible when his dimples show.

"You can't keep teasing me," he says, voice low.

"I've been doing it for two years. I'm pretty sure I can do it for at least two more."

Jaehyun scoffs, laughing at your statement. "You know what? I'm going to get back at you from now on. I've been so lenient."

You snort before pressing the back of your fingers to your nose. "You? You're going to get back at me? You’re good at lip service, Jaehyun."

“Huh. You might be right about that.”

There's a beat of silence and you look at him expectantly. In the next beat of your heart (or lack thereof), he cups your cheeks and presses his lips to yours, surprising the life out of you as your back hits the wall. It's not just a touch either, his mouth moves over yours and when your knees feel weak, you reluctantly admit that the rumour about Jung Yoonoh being a good kisser is true. Maybe his body count isn't a lower-end single digit after all.

He pulls apart with a short smile tugging at his lips. "Satisfied?"

You sputter out a response before clearing your throat. “I- I don’t think anyone really saw us in this corner.”

Jaehyun makes a low humming sound. “Or you could just say you want me to kiss you again? I know I’m a good kisser.”

“Fuck off.” You punch his chest, eliciting a quiet grunt from him.

You move away from him, peeking from behind the wall. Oh, she saw it alright. The giggling gives it away and the fact that a few more younger cousins have gathered. This is ridiculous. The fact that you wouldn’t mind more is even worse.

You turn back to Jaehyun with steel-set eyes. “No more kissing. Ever. Never again. Kissing is officially banned.”

Jaehyun looks perplexed. “I thought that was a good kiss. Did you not enjoy it? What do you mean no kissing?”

“And I take it back.” The heat on your face is still burning steadily. 

“Oh, I see. You liked it so much that you’re embarrassed.”

“You’re such a pain in the ass.”

“So I’m right?”

You roll your eyes and quickly walk down the stairs, a few words of complaint left hanging in the air as Jaehyun follows behind, stumbling over the steps.

Jaehyun likes how comfortable this is. He doesn’t mind glaring daggers at each other but this is fun too. It’s like he doesn’t have to be careful about the lines he might be crossing—there aren’t any damn lines at all. He can’t call it love, at least not by definition, but something is there. Something that is solid enough and heavy enough. Something he would be ready to hold on to.

You laugh at a joke Jaehyun’s dad makes. A family is the only place to feel at home. It might not be yours but maybe at the end of the night, you can convince them to disown Jaehyun and adopt you as their child instead. His cousins seem to be interested in the same things you were as a high schooler and it surprised you. Your job lets you advise the older cousins in a fairly friendly fashion. The little ones seem to like your dress and you find them far too adorable with their pink cheeks and dimples, much like Jaehyun’s. Speaking of which, he definitely got them from his dad. You look around and wonder how Jaehyun has so many female cousins and not an inkling about how women work. 

It doesn’t hurt anymore that Dongmin discarded you so recklessly.

He’s wrong. Jaehyun’s wrong. It doesn’t hurt—didn’t hurt right now at the very least. When Jaehyun kissed you, you didn’t think of Dongmin or his girlfriend or anyone else. You thought that Jaehyun’s skin is somehow always the right temperature. 

You shake your head. Jaehyun drives your getaway car and you shouldn’t get too comfortable in its worn-out leather seats. This shouldn’t be any different to you; you aren’t supposed to find love in every corner. This was all a survival instinct. 

The more stories Jaehyun’s mother shares with you over dinner, the more you find it comfortable to be here. You don’t feel this welcome in your own apartment (although, there isn’t exactly anyone else living there but you and the goddamn pigeon that wakes you up at six in the morning). The more the night progresses, the more you want to believe in this lie. Jaehyun glances at you from time to time, his gaze neither uncomfortable nor harsh and you smile at him when he does. Right now, there is no loneliness and the air is warm and smells of freshly cooked food; the way familial love works is such a mystery. You feel content.

“Why are we doing this again?” you lean in and ask Jaehyun, eyes focused on the TV as he tries to fix it.

“Because I need to get out of work, and fulfilled soulmates get a day off on Valentine’s day.”

You nod. “Your apartment kind of stinks. I feel sorry for Sicheng.”

“This is clean,” he defends, pointing at the lack of any visible mess in his room. His work table, however, has too many items scattered over it to be called neat. There’s a fairly large TV attached to the wall and you’re a little jealous about it. You only ever watch shows on your (quite beloved albeit small) laptop. The blinds aren’t fully closed, the evening city lights trying their best to pry their pervasive fingers in and add something more to the peach hue of Jaehyun’s room.

The doorbell rings just in estimated time for food delivery, a sigh leaving your mouth along with a ‘finally’. His place is strangely comfortable and much less of the war zone that you expected. There’s no reason to feel awkward, really, or even the bubbling in your stomach. You’re not seventeen, in your crush’s house. Jaehyun isn’t even someone you like that way.

It’s just two friends hanging out and watching a movie and doing other friendly activities. Two friends hanging out on Valentine's day. Two friends who have kissed more than once.

What do lovers do anyway?

This thing with Jaehyun has turned into clandestine smiles at the office building, subtle texts of ‘did you eat?’ and ‘good morning, idiot’, racing hearts at brushing hands on the occasional off-work hangouts (you refuse to call them “dates”) and overall, a lot more pink hearts floating over his head when you see him. It’s positively appalling. 

You don’t mind it one bit.

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” The delivery man wishes as he leaves and you feel a sudden rage bubble up in you. 

“Ah, does he think every couple celebrates Valentine’s day? And just because we’re in the same apartment means we’re a couple? Wow.” You cross your arms, scoffing. “Who’s he to wish me?”

“Why… Why are you getting mad?” Jaehyun asks quietly, slightly confused.

You glare at him, your anger not quite dissipated and walk back into his room, placing the box of confectionaries on the bedside table with a loud thud. Jaehyun follows, placing the drinks rather clumsily beside it. He gives you one last look of concern before settling down on his bed.

You let out another huff of complaint.

"Does everything have to be heart-shaped?"

You stare at the nauseating display of baked goods delivered in a pretty heart-shaped box. The brownie is in a clear plastic box that has a tiny bouquet of hearts atop it, the coffee cups have heart stickers around the rim, and the pastry itself is heart-shaped or rather, two halves of a heart. One of them is strawberry pink and the other chocolate brown.

“You seem… suddenly fired up,” Jaehyun comments quietly.

You don’t really care if you look crazy to him right now; he’s already seen the worse parts of you. You’re just so annoyed at all this red and pink that was delivered. Aren’t cafes supposed to stick with that beige-cream palette? 

While you contemplate, Jaehyun tears the little sugar packet and attempts to open the lid of the cup at the same time, your blood pressure rising at the sight because you were half sure he’d spill the drink. After much difficulty, he shakes the packet trying to get just enough sugar but of course, like the clumsy oaf he is, he misses almost entirely, spilling sugar over his coffee table. It’s oddly endearing but that’s a thought you’ll keep to yourself.

He turns to you with a sheepish grin and you give him a look of distaste.

“You are a sorry excuse of a person, Jaehyun.”

“Look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn’t mess this up.”

You turn to look him in the eyes, the honey shade alluring under warm apartment lights. They really are pretty. 

“I, and every other sane human being, would not mess up adding sugar to a cup of coffee.”

“You faltered for a moment there.”

That was not the reason you faltered. You roll your eyes and look away, taking a sip of your drink and sighing at the taste.

“How do you even like Americanos? Don’t you like a bit of cream and sweetness?”

 “I don’t really care for bitterness,” he answers.

“Wow, you must be a masochist.”

“And it’s quite obvious you’re a sadist.”

You snicker. “That makes us quite the pair.”

“I would like that sentence in a non-BDSM context, thank you.”

Jaehyun turns on the TV and the Netflix logo animation pops up. You raise an eyebrow at his ‘Continue Watching’ list, eyeing Bridegerton and Sweet Home, and wondering if he could be any more of an enigma. You can’t possibly figure him out at this point. You groan when he picks a title.

“Ugh. Do we have to watch a romantic comedy?”

“What? They’re funny. And I thought you liked those 2000’s movies.”

You believed in unicorns and sock goblins and love back then too. These days, you hate to see other people in love, especially when it’s fake. The movies you loved are now the movies you hate. The couples you eyed with delight at parks and cafes are now the bane of your existence. In fact, you’d go as far as to say that you enjoy the digital fireworks from a couple having a massive online breakup. Things falling apart are entertaining when it’s not happening to you.

You purse your lips. Can't you see other people happy without wanting to tear it down for yourself?

“Fine. But I’ll pick the 2000’s romcom.”

Jaehyun shrugs and hands over the remote. You see Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds on the poster and click on it immediately. The Proposal has a good enough comedy to romance ratio, in your opinion.

“I’m kind of surprised you came,” he says quietly.

“Why?” You raise an eyebrow. “Is it because of the suggestive nature of visiting someone’s apartment on Valentine’s day? Did you think we’d be doing something… more fun?”

You lean in and bat your eyelashes suggestively, although you’re clearly joking.

“I think you should know better than to get mouthy with me,” he answers as he leans in further, making your heartbeat hike at the proximity. Maybe he’s figured you out. Wouldn’t it be so nice to figure each other out at the same time—like puzzle pieces fitting together?

You move away from him. “Well, it’s not like I can go anywhere else. And I didn’t want to stay in my own apartment.”

“Maybe you enjoy my company?”

“Look, I would be sipping my coffee at a perfectly aesthetic cafe if it weren’t Valentine’s day.”

He raises an eyebrow at your nonsensical declaration and you sigh, trying to explain yourself.

“Cafes just terrorize the single folk on Valentine’s day. You should always go with Netflix,” you say.

“And chill?”

“Do you even know what that means?”

“As I’ve told you so many times, I am not stupid.”

You inhale, an idea presenting itself.  

“Hey, since we’re technically a couple, shouldn’t you be sharing your Netflix password with me?” you ask, pressing your lips into your cutest smile.

“No.”

“You’re so stingy,” you mutter. It was worth a shot.

Jaehyun laughs, your hand reaching out to poke his dimples but you stop yourself. You weren’t supposed to get this comfortable. This wasn’t your place to be. Lost in thought, the moving screen leaves you unfazed and you can’t look at him anymore. However, Jaehyun reaches out right then and wipes at the space beside your lips, your focus lifting from the beginning scenes of The Proposal and latching onto Jaehyun’s lips.

There’s a pause, your head clearing itself of thoughts when you make eye contact with him. Soft hair, doe eyes, full lips and dimples—he’s so damn attractive, it hurts your existence. Does he have to be this close to you? You have mixed feelings about that look in his eyes.

“Can I kiss you?” he whispers suddenly.

“Yes,” you answer.

If you look from a rational point of view, you should not have said that. You should have said anything but that. But you don’t want to think right now. Jaehyun’s touch is warm over your skin as his hand rests under your jaw and the other on your waist.

You should not have said that. But you feel loved.

Somewhere along, you find yourself parting only to kiss again, the feeling of skin so delightful in a way you’ve never experienced. Your shirt hikes up and you see Jaehyun eye the little heart with the arrow—the sign you so despised with a gentle smile.

“It’s pretty,” he whispers.

It’s pretty but it isn’t his. He doesn’t have to look at you like that—he’s come a long way from nervous glances and now he’s the one making you nervous. Just say it isn’t love and it will be alright.

You part, sobering up for a moment and you disentangle your limbs to sit at the side of his bed.

“What’s- What’s wrong?” Jaehyun whispers.

You exhale.

“All my life, I wait and when it comes, it’s all wrong,” you say, staring at your lap. Self-pity is the most disgusting kind of pity to feel. You’re past crying at things like this. You’re past crying for an ounce of romance, every time you listen to a love song on the radio or look at an Instagram post of a couple or pass by lovers on the sidewalk content with each other. You don’t even have cats to return home to. Modern loneliness is wearing you down but you can’t believe in fairytales anymore.

He scoffs, smiling bitterly. “I don’t even know if this is worth losing my dignity over.”

“Jaehyun—”

“We can’t pretend anymore—I can’t pretend anymore,” Jaehyun exhales. “I want you enough to forget the system. Give me an answer. Please.”

You don’t mind forgetting the system right now. Jaehyun’s lips are always the right temperature; the warmth of his body seeps through his shirt as you press yourself to him in a hug. He’s perfect and right now, you want to believe he’s perfect for you—even if he isn’t, you want to believe it into existence.

You cup Jaehyun’s cheeks, unsaid emotion in his doe eyes, and kiss him. This time, you mean it with every ounce of your being. There’s no more flustering each other, just the hot flush of intimacy when you feel skin that doesn’t burn you. It’s just the right feeling. There’s no way this can be wrong. 

Aren’t you getting ahead of yourself? You wish the voice would pipe down. It’s a coward, fearing fate just as everyone else does. But you are better than that, and this feeling is too enjoyable to let go. You don’t want this to fade.

Just then, Dongmin’s face comes to mind and you think that maybe if you kiss someone else with all you have, you don’t have to think of your shortcomings ever again.

Jaehyun pulls apart and you miss the warmth.

“You’re not… You’re not thinking of me, are you?” he asks. 

You don’t answer, even if the silence is overwhelming.

“I’d rather not have you close your eyes and think of someone else when I’m in front of you.”

“I’m sorry” is all you can say.

“You can at least pretend to love me.” His voice is a hoarse whisper. “Could. It’s not like this was ever supposed to work out.”

You gulp, looking away. “Jaehyun, come on. That’s not like you. We were- we were just… having fun.”

He takes a deep breath. “It hurts to not be wanted by someone you want. You know that. So why are you doing this to me?”

Because misery likes company.

“I’m sorry.”

It seems the phrase you barely uttered when you were younger is tumbling out of your lips in a mixture of grief and pity. Perhaps it’s karma. Perhaps it’s fate. Perhaps it’s just the consequences of your mistakes.

Jaehyun parts his lips, a sigh departing. He leans in again, pushing away all of his thoughts. A little more hurt won't kill him tonight. How and when did you bring him down to his knees?

However, he's stopped by your hands against his shoulders, his lips hovering over yours.

"Let's stop," you say. "You're right."

"Isn't this what you wanted?"

“I don’t- I don’t know. I don’t know anymore.”

You wish you could be brave enough to burn the instruction pamphlet from destiny. But right now, you need to get away from Jaehyun, away from any more misery business.

“I’ll get going,” you say, gathering your stuff. 

Jaehyun hesitates but doesn’t stop you. He would never stop you, can’t stop so how could he even dream of stopping fate? This can never work out. It felt right in the moment but you don’t know anything more than that. You can’t close your eyes and pray everything disappears. No one else will solve your problems for you, you know that.

It’s time you start fixing the mess you made. You leave with a polite goodbye and hear a loud sigh behind you once the door is closed. Blinking away the urge to walk back in, you take long and quick strides to the elevator. You’re going to fix this.

Maybe if Lady Gaga’s ‘Poker Face’ wasn’t blasting at full volume at this stupid office party, you could be thinking a little straighter.

He was right. You can’t pretend anymore. There were thousands of ways this could have gone better. You didn’t have to pretend to be soulmates when you’re not. You could’ve discarded your belief in the whole system like Dongmin and Mijoo and dated someone out of spite. You didn’t have to drag Jaehyun into your sorry mess. You need to take out the nail you hammered into your own foot.

It’s the first time you’ve visited the rooftop restaurant from the company’s subsidiary chain of high-end restaurants but you imagined it would be bigger. It’s the news’ fault for making this place seem like a football field. However, you might be feeling that way because the distance between you and Jaehyun is suffocatingly small as is the distance with Dongmin. You don’t need to see Jaehyun tonight.

You don’t intend to make your confession a public affair and you certainly don’t believe in tack things like atonement. However, improvement begins with a step in the right direction. Maybe you’ll be a better person after this. Maybe you’ll still be as annoying and pushy as ever. You need to get it off your chest so you can proceed with the already tedious journey that comes with a soulmate rejection. You wonder why there���s so many man-made laws about soulmates when fate has made it complicated enough as it is. Love is the same as legalese when it comes to this system.

You flit about the crowds, smiling and greeting people and swerving away from Jaehyun every time he tries to approach you. You’re trying to make a good decision for once. He better not intrude. You’re wearing pink too, for the first time in a while: a satin shirt, pants and blazer set in dull pink.

“Dongmin,” you say, pulling him by the sleeve of his blue tux, and away from the rest of the HR team. “I have to show you something.”

“Hm? Show me?” He blinks at you. 

You get him to follow you to the inside the premises, stopping when you’re far into a 

“Uh?” Dongmin looks around before leaning in to whisper. “You’re not plotting to murder me, are you?”

You blink, and he laughs at you incredulously. “Why are you so serious?”

“I was lying,” you rush. “With Jaehyun. He’s not my soulmate. You are.”

Dongmin blinks in confusion. “Are… you joking? That was a weird joke but it could pass as funny—”

“Dongmin.”

You pull out your shirt from your pants, exposing the tattoo on your hip. It’s the little arrowed heart that has been plaguing you for years but now when you look at it, you feel no animosity. After all, it’s been through the same things you have. 

Dongmin’s face falls into stunned silence, eyes fixated on your waist.

“That’s- That’s my—what is this?”

Russian roulette is certainly not the same without a gun.

“I lied, Dongmin,” you answer, fixing your shirt back in. “I was so afraid of your rejection that I made an even larger fool of myself.”

His initial shock seems to have partly subsided.

“You… Why didn’t you tell me?” He looks momentarily hurt.

“You have Mijoo, Dongmin. I can’t ruin something like that.”

A love that doesn’t need fate to fix it.

Dongmin glances away in guilt and sighs, though the sound is croaky. This must be more than what he can take.

“I’m sorry,” he says, haltingly. “I hurt you, didn’t I? When I thought I was being brave, I hurt you instead.”

You smile bitterly. “We all hurt someone, Dongmin. I still have to fix that one for myself.”

He scans your face, lips trembling slightly as unspoken words die on them.

“We’ll tend to the legal stuff later, hm? No compensation. We can file a mutual rejection.”

“But—”

“Shh. I’m happy enough as coworkers and I get paid more than enough for this job. Might get a promotion soon too.”

You wink at him with an added finger gun, trying to play it cool. Despite everything, a weight feels lifted from your shoulders. Now that you are truly alone, you might as well embrace this growing loneliness crawling under your skin. Discomfort could be something you can get used to. 

When you get back to the warmly lit rooftop, the HR team looks at you curiously. You have the most self-destructive thought you’ve had in a while and tell yourself, you might as well if you've come this far. This is it. This is your social death. Honesty is the best policy, unfortunately.

“Dongmin and I have the same soulmate mark,” you announce. “We’re soulmates but we’ll sign a mutual rejection.”

Doyoung looks almost like he’ll faint and Soojin’s mouth is so wide open, you could practice throwing some mini basketballs in. This is your team—almost a second family, and it’s time you stop trying to hide yourself or disguise your feelings as something they’re not. They’ll get over it, as will you.

“J-Jaehyun?” Soojin looks to your side and you turn to find Jaehyun frowning.

“You could’ve discussed this with me,” he says, an odd sound of relief in his laugh. 

It hurts to look at him but you muster up your strength.

“I’m sorry,” you say, facing him. “I didn’t want to drag you into this hell with me.”

Into this loveless hell made for you.

“(name).”

It’s so painfully quiet in this corner; there are so many eyes on you and only the hurt taking shape in Jaehyun’s eyes knock some sense into you. 

“I’ll leave first,” you say, bowing as you take your leave.

You brisk up your pace and exit the venue as quickly as you can and into the building corridor.

Unfortunately for you, you recognize the pair of footsteps that follow you—both of them having their timings wrong. Boys don’t chase after the girl when she’s walking away. Boys should leave a girl alone when she feels like she’s about to cry.

You turn to face two men and groan internally. This is the worst possible situation—you’d rather crawl into a hole than look at either of them. The corporate light shines harshly on either of their faces but the look on them is so earnest, you want to close your eyes and scream. You don’t mind being alone. You were overstepping when you wished you weren’t.

“(name),” Dongmin starts. “I’m sorry it turned out this way. If you’d told me, we could have talked this out.”

A light scoff leaves Jaehyun and Dongmin purses his lips. It’s kind of funny watching both of their tall frames in hesitant postures and you cross your arms. You’re going to deal with this quickly like you always should have. If you’re dealing with fate, you need to have a clear head—and fortune doesn’t favour fools. Being with Jaehyun was nice but he is not yours. Dongmin may have been assigned to you but you’d rather not ruin someone’s relationship.

“What would we have talked about?” you ask. “Compensation charges? Apologies?”

You see a hint of positivity on Jaehyun’s face and turn to face him, frowning.

“And you. Don’t look so smug. You’re the reason I realized this crap. It hurts. Like hell.”

He opens his mouth but no words come when he’s far too taken aback. He can’t offer consolation now, not after everything. You knew this would happen. You would undoubtedly end up wishing you didn’t fall in love with him on the day you leave.

“(name). Listen to me,” Dongmin calls again, voice gentle.

Jaehyun sighs. “We’re both fucking this up, dude.”

Dongmin takes a sharp breath.

“You know, soulmates can be platonic,” he reasons, looking only at you. “People are made for each other differently and maybe you and I—”

“You’re just making her feel worse,” Jaehyun cuts him off.

“How do you know that?” Dongmin asks, finally turning to him. “Because you’ve spent a month or two with her? I’m her soulmate.”

“I think a month or two is much better than a stranger with the same damn birthmark.”

“Oh come on,” Dongmin scoffs. “The system exists for a reason.”

“I don’t give a shit about the system. The same as your girlfriend—oh, sorry, did you forget about her already?”

“It’s not like that.” Dongmin quietens. “We’ll figure something out.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose. They’re worse than you are—honestly, you don’t know what you expected from the timid emotional maturity of men. Both of their polite facades have melted and you’re starting to miss their sweet-tempered work demeanour.

“Come with me,” Dongmin tells you.

He wraps his hand around your wrist and tugs, Jaehyun visibly tensing up at the gesture. He presses his tongue against his cheek in annoyance but refrains from doing anything rash. You feel sorry when you look at him.

“Dongmin,” you whisper. “Can we- can we have a moment?”

Dongmin nods in understanding and exits the hallway to cool off with a few splashes of water in the washroom.

“Would you go with him?” Jaehyun asks, jaw clenched. “An acquaintance as most? Are you willing to run into the arms of fate that you hated so much?”

He looks bitter and you can’t think of a sugar-coated response. You’ll just have to tell him how you feel.

“I need to sort things out, Jaehyun. This—”

You point from him to yourself.

“Couldn’t work out thanks to fate. Dongmin and I will never work out because he’s braver than I am. You know he’s doing all of that just so I don’t get hurt, right? He’s not suddenly in love with me.”

Jaehyun purses his lips, looking down to his feet. Is it so bad that he let jealousy get the best of his mouth? Envy isn’t so awful. He looks from your eyes to lips and wishes he were young enough to believe in fairytales.

“You don’t have to be brave,” he whispers. “You don’t have to be so brave to fall in love. You don’t have to be brave to stay with me.”

“We tried, Jaehyun. And we can’t cheat fate. That, at the very least, requires bravery.” 

You press your lips into a thin line. It hurts. It hurts so bad to look at him and face the consequences of this flawed design. It’s unfair. It’s unfair that you have to follow the rules even after trying your best to break them. 

“You wish you never met me, don’t you?” you whisper. “I made a mess.”

Before he responds, you bow in a short goodbye and walk towards the elevator. There’s no footsteps behind you, no Prince Charming. It’s just you and your high heels clacking against the cold marble as you head back to an empty home. You always thought freedom would feel different, that distance would give you perspective. It just feels awful when no one is around you at all. When you have no one to pick up morning calls from, receive texts from asking if you ate, spend time in peace without uttering a single word—are you free or are you lonely?

The rules state that the two of you are different. It is true. You are as different as love in real life and love in the movies; and neither of them have happy endings now.

You wish you drank some more last night if you were going to embarrass yourself like that. Thankfully, it’s the weekend and you have two more days to figure out how to face your coworkers. You frown when you think of Jaehyun. Were you wrong to tell him that you simply couldn’t choose him? What if fate is right and it falls apart? You stir your morning coffee, the will to drink it fading slowly. It’s already fallen apart—and it wasn’t fate who did that, it was you. Should you have taken his stupidly warm hands and asked him to follow you? You don’t understand how it works at all.

Centuries of questioning what love is, poking and prodding at it like a lab sample, and there’s still no perfect answer. Love is blind. Love is cruel. Love is a fever. Love is temporary insanity. Love is acceptance. Love will set you free. There’s just too many variations. You can never tell if fate is meant to make it easier or worse. 

No one questions you at the office and you're not sure if you’re glad or aggravated. Only Doyoung shoots you a pitiful look which you brush off and immediately get into work. Embarrassment is only real if you acknowledge it. However, every time Dongmin tries to talk to you, you ask for space and even alone in your thoughts, you don’t get it. They just have to drift to Jaehyun.

You wonder if what he said was true, that he wanted you enough to forget the system. It’s clearly ruined now. The spiral of thinking has you zoning out during work more often than not and even Doyoung ends up reprimanding you for your lack of focus. Sometimes you want to snap but other times, you’re just hopelessly reciting the events over and over in your head. This was supposed to happen, wasn’t it? You don’t even have the strength left in you to blame it all on Jaehyun.

You pace in the corridors after work, contemplating popping by the Marketing Department. What could go wrong? Sure, it was a little dramatic of you to leave like that but everything can be fixed, right? You groan. What you were supposed to be fixing, you made worse. Are your hands cursed or something? You shake your head, returning to your desk to gather your belongings and head home.

Unfortunately, the sight of Doyoung sitting in your chair alarms you and you stop a foot away. 

“If you’re going to reprimand me for watching cat videos instead of checking the employee records, I can assure you my efficiency is still top-notch.” 

“You’re—what? Never mind.” Doyoung shakes his head. “Can you give this ginseng pack to Jaehyun? I owe him.” 

Oh no. You know where this is going.

“You know I’m going to keep that for myself, right?” You make a face. “I’d rather die than face Jaehyun right now.”

Doyoung shrugs. “Who knows? Maybe he’ll be the one running to you. This is in case of an emergency.”

You give him a fake smile and Doyoung shakes his head. “Good to see you’re still great at pretending to be fine.”

You sigh. “Thanks for looking out for me, bossman.”

Doyoung blinks, hand covering his mouth when an audible gasp leaves him. “Woah. I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you thank me. But don’t call me bossman ever again.”

“Noted,” you say, taking your bag and leaving with a short goodbye. You’re lucky he lets you off work early, even if you never took it. Employees usually can’t leave until their superiors does and if you were a senior employee, you’d be giving your juniors quite the hell.

You seem to be good at concocting hellscapes. Perhaps, you should look for job openings in the underworld. One last thought of Jaehyun exits your head and you take the bus home, admiring the city you live in and the warmth of people and their relationships. You don’t feel jealous; you just bask in them for the time—be it a mother and her son or two bickering sisters or a lovely old couple. That’s how it’s meant to be, then. That’s how love works.

Jaehyun smacks his head against the sofa armrest for the fifteenth time in a row.

“Dude. You’re going to permanently ruin the fabric.” Sicheng says, eyes trained on his laptop screen.

“I should’ve said something more.” Jaehyun’s voice is so zombie-like, he thinks he should cast himself in the Train to Busan sequel as an extra.

“I’m glad I’m not you,” Sicheng mutters.

“Can you give me some sort of consolation, at least?”

“That’s not what I’m your friend for.”

Jaehyun sighs and resumes smacking the back of his head against the armrest. He really needs to figure this out. After all, he can’t really Google the solution to this.

“One thing doesn’t make sense,” Sicheng says, finally looking up from his screen. “Why do you have the same mark as (name)’s if you’re not soulmates?”

“You’re so incredibly—but adorably—stupid, Sicheng. She drew it in with a permanent marker. She kissed me too! It was sudden and weird but I didn’t mind it.

“Yikes.” Sicheng makes a face. “So… you didn’t take a shower for how long now?”

Jaehyun furrows his eyebrows. “What?”

“The ink hasn’t washed off. I heard you singing in the shower yesterday, how could you not have washed that off? Ugh. Don’t tell me you miss her.”

Jaehyun’s eyes widen as he jumps up and rushes to the washroom. Looking into the mirror, the tattoo poking out from his T-shirt resembles yours a lot more than his. The arrow is still drawn in. Jaehyun’s shoulder slumps. He doesn’t know what he was expecting. Turning the tap and letting the water flow, he wets his hand and rubs at his collarbone to remove the arrow.

Except it doesn’t budge. His skin turns painfully red from the rubbing but the ink, which usually washes off in less than five minutes has no intention of leaving. Did you use a different brand of marker the last time? When was it anyway? 

Jaehyun breathes out, firming his resolve. He needs to be with you.

Sicheng blinks in surprise as Jaehyun grabs his car keys, not even bothering to change from an all-black getup of a T-shirt and jeans like some emo teenager, and shuts the front door behind him. Not even a ‘goodbye, I’m leaving!’

Sicheng sighs. Love makes people crazy. He’s not falling into that trap when his soulmate literally doesn’t exist, the same as his soulmark. It seems the contestants in this game are full of exceptions.

You hit your head against your pillow. To visit Jaehyun or not to. You haven’t left your bed since you woke up around seven in the morning, and now it’s ten. Your bedsheets are a mess because you’ve rolled around too much on them (in despair, not with someone unfortunately).

You need the quiet sometimes to let your mind rest, to let your heart rest. You needed time. But maybe it’s been long enough and now you’re just searching for excuses to hold on to your last shred of dignity.

You lift your head up and glare at the box of ginseng on your table. Should you? You reluctantly get up, feeling a sting of pain in your back for lying in that awkward position for so long. Right when you’ve put on your slippers, the doorbell rings and you groan. How did the package you stress-ordered last night arrive so early? These deliveries are getting faster and faster.

You walk to the front door and open it thoughtlessly, freezing up at the sight. Your first reaction is to cover yourself. You’re not exactly your best-looking version at the moment. Jaehyun’s dark circles almost match yours but he’s better dressed than you are—in a black T-shirt and jeans while you’re wearing a Gudetama pajama set.

“We’re not just friends,” he blurts. “We’re not soulmates but we’re not just friends.”

“Huh? Oh my god, this is the most embarrassing I’ve looked.”

Jaehyun furrows his eyebrows in a question look. 

“That’s not important! Look—”

He pushes you inside, closing the door behind him. His hair is so disheveled and messy, he barely even looks like the same well-maintained marketing employee you know. 

Jaehyun tugs at his T-shirt, pulling down to reveal his tattoo—albeit with your marker-drawn arrow through it. He does have a pretty well-built chest, you note before chiding yourself for getting distracted.

You raise an eyebrow. “Do you, uh, need help scrubbing it off or something?”

“No.” Jaehyun lets out a huff of exasperation. “It won’t wash off. If it’s what I think it is—”

“Miracles don’t happen to people like us, Jaehyun,” you say quietly.

He gulps. “I don’t know about miracles but… I just needed an excuse to see you, I guess.”

You look up, a rose blush over Jaehyun’s bare face, and run your finger over the tattoo, sighing at the warmth of his skin. Your hand travels up to his cheek, resting atop it while you muster enough courage to look Jaehyun in his chocolate brown eyes.

You pull away. This isn’t the time. You still have an internal crisis to sort out. Are you even deserving of love? It makes much more sense if the answer is no. 

However, Jaehyun pulls you in by the waist, his right palm warm against your cheek.

“I don’t care what anyone says.” He runs his thumb over your cheek in a painfully fond manner. “You’re worth more than the price I pay for this.”

He leans in and presses his lips to yours swiftly, your head clearing of thoughts almost immediately. It feels so right, you can feel the spark, the red thread around your skin, hear the bells. This kiss was far more perfect than it was supposed to be.

You part, gasping. Jaehyun blinks at you, breathing heavily.

“Kiss me again.”

Jaehyun does as told and you might just believe in miracles this way. With his hand around your waist and in your hair, his lips over yours and the low rumbling laughter that parts the two of you—you might just believe in miracles. You might just believe that love isn't something you deserve by earning.

“I like this,” Jaehyun comments. “I like the way this is.”

You press your finger to his lips. “I think you should shut up and kiss me some more.”

Jaehyun rolls his eyes. “I know you’re sexually repressed as of now, but that’s no reason to take advantage of me.”

You scowl, punching him on the shoulder and moving away from him.

“Come back,” he complains in a quiet voice.

“I am not going to do that.” You cross your arms.

“Come on,” he mutters, inching closer as you inch away, till your back hits the couch and you tumble backwards onto it, your legs on the headrest. Jaehyun laughs at your position, leaning in to keep his hands on either side of you, a doting look over him.

“Hey, did you know if I kicked my leg up, it would hit you in the balls?”

“Please don’t do that.”

You giggle, Jaehyun’s nose rubbing against yours in a bunny kiss. 

“Is your place usually this much of a mess?” Jaehyun raises an eyebrow. 

You sigh heavily. “I was having a bad day, okay? Or… a bad weekend.”

“Do you even have food?”

You look away, crossing your arms. Jaehyun sighs and shakes his head.

“We should go grocery shopping. How do you live like this?”

You scoff. “Oh, spare me the lecture. I’ve heard enough horror stories about your room from Sicheng. You can’t hide from me by sweeping your clothes and belongings into his room.”

“Snitch,” he mutters under his breath.

You can’t help the giggle that erupts from your mouth and you immediately cover it. Jaehyun smiles at you fondly and you look away, unable to bear that gaze of his.

“It really won’t wash off, by the way,” Jaehyun states, scratching at his collarbone.

You narrow your eyes, smacking his arms away to roll off the couch. Taking his wrist, you walk into your bathroom and turn the tap on. Something’s strange. But also strangely right.

“Look, I already tried—ow! Don’t rub that hard!”

You blink in confusion, trying again despite Jaehyun looking like his soul already left him. It doesn’t work. Your marker isn’t even that permanent. At least his regenerating skin cells should get rid of that arrow. Unless the ink was deep enough to pierce all the layers, as in a soulmark.

You gasp.

“You were right!”

“I told you s—”

"That's the point, isn't it?" you say, realization dawning as your eyes widen. "To see if people will question the system at all."

Jaehyun shrugs. “Maybe.”

"Oh, all those unhappy marriages that could have been saved," you say as you exhale. 

Jaehyun chuckles lightly. "I think that the point was, people can be happy without their soulmates. It's whoever you make one out of. Or I Googled too many articles on anti-soulmate propaganda."

You smile, leaning in to press a kiss against his cheek. Watching his ears turn bright red is the cherry on top.

“Okay, fake-boyfriend-turned-real-soulmate.” You give him a cheeky smile. “Did you rethink your decision about sharing that Netflix password with me? I get the girlfriend free pass, right? Right?”

“I didn’t even share it with my mother.”

You whack his arm, him possibly used to it by now, judging from his lack of response. 

“Idiot.” You cross your arms. “We can Netflix… and chill then. God, I can’t believe I said that.”

Jaehyun breaks into a chuckle. “You’re so pushy.”

 “And you like being pushed around, nerd.”

“Who said that?”

Jaehyun wraps his arms around you, spinning you so that your back hits the door. He leans in to kiss you again and you smack your palm over his pouted lips. You laugh at his face, his eyes brimming with confusion.

“You’re in my apartment. I make the rules here. Think twice before you start a game with me, Mister.”

His shoulders droop. “Fine. Can you at least let me kiss you four times a day?”

“Five times, if you ask.”

He laughs before leaning in again. “Can I kiss you now?”

“Wasn’t it obvious?”

“You are one hell of a woman. Emphasis on hell.”

You laugh and grab his collar, pulling him in for the kiss that seals this deal.

You realize a few things in the moment: a) You don’t have to play roulette to find love, b) You don’t have to pick your poison to find love, and most importantly c) Love is right where you make something of it. Fate is still not in your good books but if it bends to you this way, you don’t mind at all. If Jaehyun kisses you like this every day, you don’t mind one bit. 

[assistantquail]

Well damn... (Adults) 1/2

Female reader is left with no choice but to use a male avatar, not that he minds using it on the first place, to save their best friend's life. 

Characters: Jake, Neytiri, Tsu'tey

Pronouns: They/Them 

Warnings: Cursing, injury, mentions of blood, Jake is shot in every headcannon in this part (bc why not), kithes?, simps, everyone is bi >:3, gender is a social construct, idk a thing about injuries or fighting, ooc

The timelines are different per character;

Jake & Neytiri: After the RDA left

Tsu’tey: Before the big battle

This is the exact same story but I just changed the gender and figure type :>

(None of the ff images/gifs are mine)

Continue reading...

GIF by loaksbitch

Jake Sully

He didn't know what to do at first but this is definitely not doing any good for his chest... His heart and the bullet wound- 

“I've been shot, I'll be needing some back up” 

The man is applying pressure to his injury, leaning on to the tree as he issues orders for the spotters to return.

“Copy that, back up is on the way” Norm's voice can be heard from the earpiece as he hears a mellow voice in the background saying that someone is already on the move.

Since the humans retreated and Jake knew that this area is sort of close to where his comrades are located, he decided to ask for their help as he broke off from the Navi group before the battle.

Luckily the bullet missed his vital organs but it might’ve grazed through his veins, rendering his legs useless. Making him feel a bit panicked whether or not this is temporary, silently praying to Eywa for strength. He already lived through having crippled legs in his first life, will he experience the same now?

What if he can never use his legs again? What if-

“You idiot! This isn’t a minor injury!” A voice pulled him out of his thoughts, his eyes trailed to you in your avatar form. An unfamiliar Navi yet he feels like you look familiar. That eye shape, nose, lips, and 5 fingers...

“Who- wait, Y/N!?”

“No shit sherlock” You rolled your eyes while approaching him, taking the bag of materials off your shoulder. His mouth formed an ‘o’ and he can’t help but study your form. You glared at him when you saw that he was eyeing your lower region, throwing bandages at his face.

“Eyes up here skxawng”

You placed your hand under his chin, forcing him to look up. Still speechless from seeing you, he just kept staring and you’re starting to feel bare in front of him.

He saw you hissed at him playfully, but that look on your face is hot-

To distract yourself, you started to inspect the wound, you brushed your fingers near the bullet hole.

At this moment, Jake doesn’t know what to feel. He thought that he has great self-control and he can manage his expressions whenever you’re near but this is an impossible task now.

Do not get him wrong, he loves you dearly in your human form with the size difference between you and him. But seeing your avatar, despite being a male, still has your prominent features that fit greatly to the Navi beauty standards. He wanted to see what is in your pants, curious to know if he is bigger.

When he felt your fingers under his chin, making him stare into your golden eyes, he wanted to melt into a puddle.

He wanted to say something but he is sure that his voice will betray him and make him seem unmanly which is the last thing he needs you to see.

However, when you touched him, his will power almost vanished completely. This is a huge foul! He’s getting overstimulated by a lot of things at once: your touch, gaze, heat radiating from you, and his heart.

This is all too much for the man. He was as silent and still as a rock, the whole time you were treating his injury. You can feel his intense gaze on you as you tried to brush it off before you do something.

You thought he’ll tease you throughout this encounter but you were met with serenity and it’s making you feel awkward. You would rather listen to Jake make fun of you or just listen to him say anything than this.

Is it that weird? Do you look unattractive? Is he disgusted?

Those thoughts are plaguing the back of your mind, you’ve always wanted to let him know about your avatar but you’ve never really thought it will happen today.

When Norm told you that Jake was shot and needed help, you went to your pod and took off, no questions asked. This man will be the death of you but living without him is just as bad.

The silence is slowly breaking your heart which made you work faster, so that you can get out of there and look for a hole to hide in.

Rather than suffer, you decided to talk instead.

“What happened o mighty Toruk Makto? I never thought that you will get injured this bad...”

You were met with silence so you just chuckled nervously, hoping that he doesn’t notice your struggle.

Not even want to see the expression on his face, you hurried to tie the bandage around the injured area and secure the wound to stop bleeding.

“You are free to go now, just do not use your leg too much for a couple of days” You picked up the scattered materials you’ve used and stuffed them in your bag, swinging it over your shoulder as you looked at everything else but him, “Well I’ll be out of your hair now, I don’t want to taint your eyes any longer”

You felt yourself wince at your words, internally face palming yourself while you walk away.

“Wait no” A familiar hand fell on your arm, immobilizing you from taking your escape.

Jake finally got himself together when he saw that you were walking away, his body reacted before his brain. He wants you to stay, he wants to tell you how stunning you are, avatar or not.

“Sorry if I was being a skxawng, you are just so hot that it caught me off guard. I almost couldn’t stop myself from taking you”

He stared at your face, engraving every detail in his face as he watches your eyes widen and cheeks turn purple. Which gives him a boost of confidence to caress your face in his hand. Standing up, he was only a few centimeters taller than you.

“This isn’t how I wanted to confess but I’ll be damned if those women see you, girls here are crazy”

“Oel ngati kameie Y/N”

Your lips trembled, seeing the man you’ve always wanted, look at you with such an expression.

“Oel ngati kameie Jake, I always have”

This would’ve been a heartfelt moment but Jake couldn’t help but smack your butt. Can he be blamed though? That is one juicy muscle.

Extra:

“Cat got your tongue or is it just me?” This made you want to take back your confession and just unalive this man.

“Shut up or I’ll feed you to the direwolves”

GIF by stevekempscocktails

Neytiri 

Neytiri had never imagined Y/N as a Navi or a female one because they already look very attractive in their human form, but she would've kneeled and thank Eywa for being blessed by the view of it weren't for the current situation.

You shot up from your spot when you heard that Jake is injured and their coordinates are close to where you are doing research. There is no problem with heading into the battlefield, you're a skilled Navy and healer despite being younger than him. But there is this tiny problem that might hinder you from going... 

Your avatar body, which was previously your sister's who sadly had to remain on earth to recuperate from her injuries. There is nothing wrong with its quality though! You love how everything looks because it resembles you a lot, but only a few people knew how your avatar looks like. Adding the fact, that your crush is certainly there as Jake's right hand woman, you are not sure how she will react to seeing you like this. 

Internally groaning, your morals overpowered the embarrassment that will be bestowed upon you as you sadly see Jake as your family.

“I’m almost there, just hang on” You spoke to the walkie-talkie, doing a great job avoiding obstacles that are blocking your way as you pray to Eywa for guidance.

On the other side of the area, the idiot who got shot is currently being hidden as the other Navis are retreating 

“Neytiri, your mouth is gonna catch some flies from how wide it is” 

With you there, she held back from hissing towards and throwing this skxawng who still had the nerve to make fun of her while bleeding on the ground.

You gestured "I see you" to Neytiri with a smile before approaching your sworn brother. Trying to play this situation coolly as you don't want to embarrass yourself in the presence of the Navi princess, who you've been pining on for years since you did not use your avatar with anyone knowing but the scientists and Jake... Probably Tsu'tey too... 

The woman just stared at your form, as you turn your back on her to check up on Jake. She didn’t even notice how she kept staring at you until Jake made fun of her which resulted to a smack on his head.

The moment you saw the injury, your personality did a switch becoming a professional medic drowning out the environment to focus on the man in front of you.

“Don't take this the wrong way, but it's prefer to get invited over not in every situation where you're close to dying from foolishness” Mutters fell from your lips, as you examined the severity of the injury. The bullet almost made an exit hole, which thankfully missed his vital organs.

A pair of golden eyes watched you from behind, curiously looking at all your features. She wonders why your waist seems to be smaller than hers despite being taller.

She went beside you, staring at the side of your face while you and Jake are bickering like children. Your freckles framed your face perfectly, highlighting the facial features that Neytiri adores whenever you stop by the clan, in your human form.

“That's not how you should talk to an injured person” Jake huffed, rolling his eyes at you. He then took note of how his right hand woman is still looking at you like you're the only person in Pandora. 

A hand met the back of Jake's head rather roughly as the slap echoed around the area. “Hey, you don't hit an injured person!” He puts his hand on his chest, wearing a betrayed look on his face.

“I would have hit you back if I didn't know that you're a girl” Your shoulders tensed as you take a deep breath, pressing your fingers against your temple.

“I pray to Eywa for patience” Neytiri watched in silence, imagining what it would be like to hold your hand. Seeing you stressed by this skwawng made her want to hold you close, it is not the first time she thought of acting on her feelings.

“Don't you usually pray for strength?” Jake retorted like he wasn't the one bleeding on the floor, still focused on winning this silly argument. 

“I need patience to not throw hands with an already injured skxawng”

The Navi princess felt jealous that Jake was being touched by your precious hands while she has never felt your skin on hers. All your attention was on him and she knows that her thoughts are childish, but she can’t help it.

When you turned to get some materials from your bag, you met face to face with Neytiri. You both are inches away from each other, her eyes glowed majestically in your perspective. You have never been this close to her, you became more aware with the freckles on her face.

Eyes trailing to her nose then lips. While you did not even notice that she was doing the same, Neytiri is drilling the memory of you into her heart, making sure not to forget any detail of how your eyes shine like the sun.

You both were staring at each other with so much love that Jake had to stop himself from gagging, do not get him wrong, he is your biggest shipper but he would rather not be forced to watch this.

“Can you guys undress and mate later? There’s a dying person here-”

Again, a slap met the back of his head but it was from Neytiri as you covered your face in embarrassment. Your throat let out some nervous chuckles as you finished wrapping the bandages, you can feel the heat gathering on your cheeks and ears. Neytiri looked at the tall Navi, who was acting nervously as you packed your stuff. Such a strong looking Navi yet only she can see you crumble.

But inside you were glad that she did not seem to treat you any differently, this was a huge step up for you. You can feel her eyes as you stood up. “Well um you are all better, now I will just bounce-”

“Y/N...”

That was all it took for you to give her all of your attention again, oh Eywa you are such a himbo.

“Can I meet you later at the entrance of the clan”

“Huh-?” Your brain filtered out whatever she just said, you were too busy trying not to melt under her gaze so you just nodded your head.

“Perfect, we shall have what you humans call as a date”

GIF by melchiordommik

Tsu'tey 

Jake nudged the Navi with an all knowing smirk creeping on his face. Just a moment ago, Tsu'tey was focused on keeping other dreamwalkers away from this skxawng who got shot but now he can't tear his eyes away from this one male dreamwalker who is running toward them. His instinct is telling him not to shoot but his chest somehow makes him feel like they are familiar with each other.

“Take a picture it will last longer- ow!” 

The injured Navi held his shoulder that was punched aggressively to soothe the ache. Jake glared at his sworn brother while he got hissed back.

“Alright, I kind of deserved that”

When the female Navi nodded towards them, all of Tsu’tey’s attention is back on them, on you.

“Oel ngati kameie” You greeted them, facing Tsu’tey with a shy smile before turning your focus on Jake. Your tongue made a clicking noise as you examine the injury, the bullet runs deep but not that fatal if treated quickly.

The young Navi cannot help but feel envy as the injured skxawng gets to receive your attention, on the other hand he is using your moment of distraction to study your features.

Your avatar has the features similar to them, noticeable from your height and figure shape. Is this the reason why you disappeared for so long? Did you not want him to know?

He was not able to catch a glimpse of you for the whole week which is why he is “more grumpy than usual” in Jake's words which he wholeheartedly denied.

“Hey there handsome, where have you been the whole time?” Jake grins at you wearing the playboy smirk, making you roll your eyes at him.

You gagged at his attempt to tease you in front of your crush. “I think I just threw up, please spare me”. After giving him a short examination, you placed your hand on the ground beside you.

The bag full of medicinal herbs, bandages, etc is something you bring along everywhere for emergencies. That’s one of the things Tsu’tey loves about you, always looking after others before yourself. It is a double-edged sword, no doubt, but that is where he comes in.

He always makes sure to take care of you and remind you to take a break. You are well aware that he shows his affection through actions and acts of service rather than vocalizing his thoughts.

The two of you sort of have an ambiguous relationship? You gift him some crafts you make whenever you stop by every other day for research, the whole clan welcomes you with open arms since you aided Grace with her school before the whole fiasco happened.

You are well aware that the corporate people have some things hidden in their sleeves, you have seen glimpses and whispers of their plan but you have no power to put a stop on it.

So you are glad that they accepted Jake into their clan, not really but you suspect he is close. You and Tsu’tey were able to amend your friendship with each other in your human form, hopefully developing something more, but deep inside you know very well that Navis only mate with Navis. Plus you only have a male avatar! You cannot give birth to an heir even if you wanted to...

A human can never be with a Navi, especially if the Navi is next in line as Olo’eyktan of the Omatikaya clan. The man also lost his future mate because of your kind, for Eywa’s sake!

Without you knowing, Tsu’tey has already thought of those. He actually prayed to Eywa for guidance, if what he is feeling is just temporary because he does not know how to deal with these type of things. 

He is a warrior, who lost his fated mate almost a year ago. He loved her, they were supposed to be together forever...

It seems that Eywa have other plans for him because he met you.

As your body worked like a robot, familiar with what needs to be done with muscle memory, you placed your hand down without looking. But you felt that you touched something warm, your head quickly turns to Tsu’tey.

His hand was holding the bandages you were about to retrieve, you made eye contact with him for a few seconds before realizing that you were still holding his hand.

“Thank you- and sorry about that!” You squeaked as you took the bandages from him.

“There is no need for that, this is such a simple thing” His voice was lower than usual, is it because you have not heard him for so long? But it sent you feeling some shivers down your spine.

You flashed him a smile, showing your fangs and it nearly took him out. So he just looked at you as you turned your attention back on your best friend.

Jake watched this painful love show playing in front of him, he cringed at how awkward you both were acting.

Tsu’tey stayed silent again, he was thinking of what to say to you. Should he compliment you? Ask how you are doing?

At first it is because, of how you took his breath away from your form. You have always been an attractive human but now that you are in Navi form, his willpower almost became nonexistent.

He wanted to take you away and make you be worry free but he knows that this is not the right time. He does not know when that time will be, where both of you can finally let go of what is stopping you from being together.

For now, he can be satisfied with how things are, he just does know until when he can keep it all together. With your avatar, he will make sure that no man dares to covet you...

Extra:

Tsu’tey hands you a necklace after bringing Jake back to the Hometree, this is the first gift you have received from him and you could not stop smiling. He offered to put it on you, which you just nodded at him.

Feeling his fingers brush on your neck, you let out a laugh because you are ticklish. Your body reacted by holding his hand to stop him from tickling you and your hand fits perfectly in his.

Next Part: Tonowari, Ronal, and Quaritch (Male reader ver.)

I will also be uploading another version with Neteyam, Lo’ak, Kiri, Tsireya, Aonung, and Roxto. Tell me what you guys think as I need constructive criticism QvQ.

Male reader version

[cjjohansson]

YOU'RE IT FOR ME

SUMMARY ; you and Natasha argue over your mission gone wrong.

supersolider!reader x natasha romanoff

angst/fluff.

fighting/blood/injury/swearing word count;3.4k - this is my first ever attempt at writing anything. im so sorry if its terrible.

As always Steve woke you up at stupid oclock in the morning to brief you on a quick unexpected intel mission. He told you the base you were being sent to has not long been abandoned and if anyone was there, to eliminate the threat like you always do. Lucky for you, you had super-solider serum running through your veins so this mission was simple and easy for you to complete alone. You only had to retrieve some files on HYDRA creating another super-solider serum.

However Natasha wasn’t too happy about you being woken up so early meaning she had to wake up to a cold bed and you were nowhere to be seen throughout the whole compound. She looked around for you everywhere only to end up running quite literally into Steve, he obviously knew who she was looking for and finally spoke up, “Oh, if you're looking for Y/N, they went on a quick mission.”

“What do you mean a ‘quick mission’, they would have come to say bye?” Natasha responded suspiciously due to the fact that you would never leave without saying bye or giving her a quick peck on her lips regardless of how long the mission would take.

“A quick intel mission, the only person I could see who had potential in succeeding was them. Woke them up 3 hours ago, they should be back within 2. They’re fine Natasha, you don't need to worry.” Steve thought to quickly remind her that you were more than capable than going on a mission alone and that you certainly didn't need to be worried about, you’re a super-solider for god sake.

“OK, just next time notify me too when they’re going so I'm not walking around looking.” Natasha walked away straight after that proceeding to the training room to blow off some steam about the fact that you didn’t say bye.

Meanwhile

you had got to the base a little over 2 hours ago, and when Steve told you this base was abandoned you had no idea why you actually decided to believe him. The base was in fact NOT abandoned and within the first 10 minutes of you slowly making your way to the base from the quinjet you was swarmed with at least 10 HYDRA agents. You worked as quickly as you could taking out the threats left right and centre with your guns and some quite literally being thrown straight into some trees. You managed to get the agents down in record time, you was quite impressed with yourself to say the least but you knew you should call for backup, you reached for your comms only to be met with a sickening buzzing sound surrounding your ear drums, you threw your ear piece onto the floor and just continued towards the base. At the end of the day you still had a mission to complete after all.

You finally made your way into the base to see that maybe Steve was right about one thing: the base itself was abandoned but the surroundings were not. “Idiot” you thought to yourself about Steve sending you on a mission with not all accurate information.

You’re making your way through the base using your enhanced hearing for anything that doesn't sound right, guess it's somewhat of your lucky day when you hear nothing so you continue your path down the long narrow corridor to finally reach the head scientists room to gather the files about HYDRAs own knowledge on developing a new form of super-solider serum. You always wondered why people had an obsession with powered and enhanced people but at the same time you understood why. You just wished yours wasn't forced on to you and that you were given a choice but you were soon to be one of HYDRAs secret weapons, but when the Avengers found you, you had just been injected with the serum. The Avengers were infiltrating HYDRA bases when Lokis scepter had been stolen, they found you just in time and took you in straight away.

Plugging in the usb drive to transfer all data, the transfer popping up onto the screen telling you that it would take 10 minutes, “Easy enough.” that's what you had thought until you could hear footsteps coming from down the corridor. Quite heavy, long strides, possibly over 6ft tall, only one person, even better. You made your way to hide behind the door so when it opened you could attack right away, but that never came. Instead a metal arm came crashing through the wall you were standing up against grabbing you by the throat and throwing you half way down the corridor, it took you a moment for you to try and stand up but by the time you was about to stand a fist was already being swung towards your face, keeping you locked on the floor below him. You knew this soldier was like you, you could feel it but you also knew that you might not get out of this fight easily, they were much stronger. That face looked familiar, the blurring of your vision from the hits making it harder to properly see but you knew it was familiar. The beating continued with left and right hooks being thrown against your face, the blood rushing out of new cuts across your face, your busted lip and most likely broken nose. You couldn't give up. You knew that for sure. You managed to find the strength to start dodging the punches coming right at you but you knew you needed to get that drive and get going quickly. Rolling out from underneath the soldier as they went to drive their metal arm straight into your face you grabbed your gun and shot the soldier in the stomach and sprinted  back to the room to collect the usb and get going, you knew it was the only way to run rather than end up dying here alone. You finally reached the doors of the base to continue your sprint when you heard that sound of a bullet coming straight out of a gun, it buried itself right into the back of your left leg but you had to keep moving, the blood gushing from your face and now from your leg reminded you to definitely tell Steve to “fuck off” when he comes into your room before the suns even up again. Continuing the sprint, you started to only imagine one thing. That Natasha was going to have your head when you got back to the compound.

You could see the quinjet right in front of you and you had never been so happy to see one so much in your life but just as you was to step one foot onto the jet another two shots were heard behind you, you KNEW this soldier wasn't going to give up and you definitely knew they would keep up with you. The bullets finally lodged themselves into your body, one straight into your right leg and the other straight into your lower back coming out through your stomach. This wasn't good. You were just about on the jet pulling yourself up as the option to stand wasn't even an option anymore, telling FRIDAY to close the hatch and get in the air and back to the compound as quickly as it could and make sure to have medical on stand by as you land. Moving yourself to try and sit in one of the chairs holding pressure to your gunshot wound in your stomach, you heard a familiar voice ring through the speakers of the jet.

“Y/N come in, do you copy?” Natasha. Just as you go to open your mouth to reply your vision starts to blur and all that you manage to croke out are inaudible slurs, until your vision completely goes black.

To say Natasha was pissed off at Steve and you was an understatement. Oh if looks could kill Steve would already be 6 foot under. They stood on the landing pad waiting for the quinjet to arrive back at the compound but what they were expecting was not what they finally saw when the door to the quinjet opened. There you laid on the floor, choking on the air and laying in a puddle of your own blood, paler than anything they had ever seen. Before Steve and Natasha could even make it to the quinjet fully, the medical team were rushing in and putting you on a stretcher taking you straight into surgery. Natasha didn’t even make a move she stood there completely lost with that imagine in her head, but as soon as a doctor shouted you had no pulse it was like she was snapped back into reality her body was on flight mode, she made the move to try and run to you as quickly as possible but Steve had already grabbed her round the waist and was holding back against her vicious punches and kicks shouting at him to ‘let her go or he will regret it’. The sounds of Natashas shouting soon caught the ears of some of the other Avengers, running outside one by one came Wanda, Bucky and Sam. Confused by the commotion until they finally heard the sobs of Natasha in Steve's arms and the puddle of blood in the quinjet, they instantly knew this was about you.

Natasha had been pacing around the waiting room for 2 hours now, everyone telling her, you're ok and the surgery will be over with soon. But they didn't know if you were ok and when the surgery would be over they just wanted Natasha to sit down and stop pacing. Just as Natasha finally took a seat a doctor walked straight in front of them staring at Natasha.

“Are they alive?” Natashas voice coming out weak filled the waiting room, the anxiety from the question entering everyone's mind to know the truth.

“Yes”

They all finally let out a breath none of them knew they were holding. Natasha finally looks down and letting some more silent tears roll down her cheeks, she looks up at the doctor.

“Can I see them?” no one has ever heard Natasha sound so weak and vulnerable, they all knew yous were together, yous never kept it a secret openly flirting in front of everyone and you making it very clear who Natasha was to you at parties when you'd go up to her at the bar and put your arms around her waist and start slowly kissing her neck no matter who she was involved in a conversation with. But no one had ever seen this side of your relationship, the hard side of worrying and panicking when one of you was injured or on a mission. The vulnerable side and lets just say you and Natasha were not ones to let people see you both so small and fragile.

Following the doctor into another room there you laid on the bed your stomach wrapped tightly and also your legs, the bruising on your face a nice bright purple. Your skin had slowly started to have more colour in and Natasha had never been so relieved. She made her way over slowly towards your bed afraid any type of sound would wake you up. She wanted you to rest, but part of her wanted to shout and scream at you for not calling for backup or even just turning around and coming back home. Turns out she wasn't as quiet as the sound of the chair moving wakes you up from your sleep.

The bright lights make you hiss and groan. You make your way to sit up thinking it was all a dream, that is until you feel two sets of hands on each side of your body pushing you down.

“Lay back down y/n, you're hurt.” Natasha, there it is again that sweet voice you've spent months waking up too, but it's different. It sounds broken like she has been crying and is about too again at any given moment. Opening your eyes was a struggle but you finally got there. In the room stood Steve, Wanda, Sam and Bucky and sat next to you ever so gently holding your hand is your Natasha. You go to turn towards Natasha but Bucky catches your eye, everyone sees the hesitance in whether or not you want to finally speak.

“He looked like you.” that's all you manage to choke out before Nat is passing you a cup of water to drink slowly. Everyone starts to look around confused straight from you back to Bucky. Until you finally speak up again.

“The guy that attacked me at the base, thanks Steve by the way maybe next time send two people instead of one into an ‘abandoned’ base, yeah abandoned my arse.” Everyone smiles at your sarcasm but quickly pushes that to the side to ask the question everyone is so desperate to know.

“Babe,what do you mean by he looked like Bucky?” ah, Natashas voice, you simply turned and smiled at her squeezing her hand.

“Well like I said Talia, he looked exactly like Buck. Metal arm, red star. Long black hair. All the facial features are the same but not the eyes, they just looked black. Was hard to know for definite with the amount of punches I was receiving but if no one was to know Bucky like we do, then people would be sure that the Winter Soldier is alive and well.”

Bucky stood there dumbfounded not even knowing what to say or even think, everyone just looks confused at what you’re saying it makes no sense but then again yous are all in a room with three super-soliders, a witch, a highly trained ex-assassin and a guy that has robotic wings for christ sake.

“Ok i think we should all take a break give Nat and y/n some space ok? Come on guys, we can debrief you later y/n/n yeah?” Steves the one to speak up this time probably too confused and tired to have this conversation.

“I know what you're gonna say Tasha, and i'm not in the mood to hear it so can we leave the telling off until tomorrow? Ok, thanks means a lot.”

“No. we are talking about this now so it can be over with and we can move forward. Its simple really y/n/n youre a fucking idiot!” her voice starts to get louder as she continues her rant.

“You call for backup no matter the excuse you call for it or you get back on that jet and come back home no mission is worth more than your life you know that! Ugh, i’m so fucking angry at you for being so fucking reckless! You could have died? Why can't you see that? Just because you have that serum it doesn't make you invincible you know that but you've acted it! All of this for some files? How can you expect me to not be upset or angry? You’re my partner, and i love you more than anything but when you act like this it makes me think if you are even thinking about me when youre risking your life for some stupid usb.” she looks away as she continues to cry, your brain now trying to process all of these words but also all of these emotions. Wait, did she just say she loves you? You have been together for nearly a year now and neither of you had even said that yet, you both knew it but never dared to say it.

“You love me?” it's your turn to choke out now, you know you love her but one minute she is calling you reckless and an idiot then she is telling you she loves you?

“Of course i love you, you fucking idiot!”

“Ok, ok, still mad i got it” she slowly turns to glare at you this time but she sees your tears slowly rolling down your face and she instantly softens her glare. You take her hands into yours and you know you have to say it back because if you don't she is going to be even more mad than what she already is and one thing you don't want to deal with right now is a mad girlfriend because she is so scary.

“Hey Talia, listen ok? I love you too. I do, I really do. I'm sorry i was reckless, i should have come back but it was like my body was on auto mode and yes like you said that isn't an excuse i know that ok. I thought i'd be ok on my own and well clearly i wasn't as i’m in a hospital bed but i’m here. I know we both worry when we go on separate missions and I know you probably worried more because I didn't come and say goodbye but I was hoping to be back by the time you woke up. Steve said it was abandoned and when I got off the jet and started walking no one was there and then I was ambushed by some guards but I took them down with ease and there was no one else in sight, my comms went off and they were buzzing and I just carried on. I needed to do this mission baby, I needed to get this information about the serum so we can try and stop HYDRA creating more soldiers and putting them through pain. I’m sorry I've hurt you, I didn't mean to do that, I was just doing my job but I'll tell Steve for next time that if i’m to go on a solo mission that you need to be with me ok? No more solo missions, not just for me but for everyone. We need to be safe. Especially with another Winter Soldier walking around like he owns the place ok? I love you Natalia, I’m sorry.” you've already lowered your head at this point too embarrassed by telling her we all need to be safe and that you love her.

You feel one of her hands move from yours, you think she is gonna walk out but instead you feel the softness of her fingertips tracing the bruising on your cheekbones before you even have the chance to hiss at the tender touch her lips are pressed so intensely against yours. You've kissed many times before but this kiss, it's just so different it's as if she is trying to tell you exactly how much she loves you and how much she is happy you're here just by this kiss. You move your hand up to her face and slowly move it round to play with the hairs at the back of her neck, she hums and slowly stops kissing you. You didn't want that kiss to end and you groan in frustration and she chuckles at your little outburst, Nat leans her forehead against yours and finally lets out a breath. You're ok, she knows it now.

You both sit in comfortable silence for a while forehead to forehead until you feel a shooting pain in your stomach, you hiss in pain and move away to lie back down on your back. Natasha is up in an instant thinking she has hurt you but you're quick to calm her nerves.

“Baby it's ok, just some pain. Come and lay with me, please?” you pull your puppy dog face, a face you know she cannot resist. She simply smiles and makes her way back over to the bed as you shuffle over to make room for her. The next minute you're both lying and she is snuggled into your side, your hand drawing patterns on her back and her arm ever so carefully laying above your wrapped stomach.

You understood why she was mad at you, you put your life on the line and didn't think twice about how she would feel with the consequences. You hated yourself for that, you knew you'd feel the same if it was her laying here injured and not you but it wasn't.

The room was silent, a comfortable silence. One you and Natasha both could just relax too.

“When I said I love you y/n, I truly meant it. You're it for me” she moved her head off your chest to look into your eyes, her eyes held so much emotion and you knew right then and there again like you had known for the past year that you were going to marry this woman.

“And you're it for me Natalia Alianovna Romanoff. I love you Talia, forever and always.”