#through season 9ish

[notmuchtofind]

"you're doing a sex scene?!" | d.s

word count: 1.8k

tw: mentions of manipulation and aggressive behaviour

synopsis: drew reveals his role requires a sex scene and this causes explosive disagreements | slight fluff slight aggressive

you place the bag groceries on the kitchen counter and begin a sigh of relief, the lift in your apartment block is broken and climbing 5 flights of stairs with 3 bags of groceries isn't so fun..

As you walk over to your hallway to kick off your shoes you hear a few thuds at the door, in a beat you're so familiar with. You were expecting Drew around 9ish, you quickly check your watch to see it's 8:47pm... you giggle to yourself slightly and grin with excitement "he's early" you mumble to yourself . A wave of eagerness rushes over you as you lean over to grab the door handle and twist the recently locked door. opening the door, you look up to see Drew, all sun kissed and beaming. He's been in South Carolina for a couple months shooting the latest season of obx so it doesn't surprise you to see his slight tan, you'd imagine he's topless half the time, so it explains itself...

"baby!" he exclaimed with a devilish yet blissful look on his face

"I've missed you!" you say whilst being engulfed into a hug by drew, you feel his arms wrap around you, becoming tighter with time as you stand there swaying back and forth for a while... He places his hands on you shoulders and pushes you back slightly so he can begin to look at your face.

He places a kiss on your forehead "i've missed you y/n/n" he mutters, he looks almost taken back by you, as he makes eye contact, forcing nerves into the pit of your stomach.

"trust you to come 5 minutes after I've just had to carry all the groceries up the stairs by myself!" you tease 

"work those muscles baby" he chuckles

After a few long weeks of being away from each other it's nice to be back in each other's company, Drew helps you put the groceries away and you quickly hop in the shower, you change into your trackies and settle on the couch with Drews head in-between your legs. you run your hands over his buzz cut hair, feeling the individual strands poking at your palm whilst you binge watch.

"hey y/n/n" 

"mmhm?" you murmur

"i've been meaning to mention...I think, maybe, like the next season of outer banks; rafe develops a love interest and I... um-" 

you're suddenly all ears "a love interest?" you interrupt, sitting up slightly, causing Drew to sit up so he's now facing you on the couch.

"yeh, I think so?" said with slight tension

" but I think Jonas is wanting a few urm...like, a few" he stutters and your eyes widen "some sex scenes between me and Fiona..." He paused as you gave him a slight glance

"You know Fiona, right? you met her when you came to visit me shooting last month?" he questions

Yes, of course you know Fiona, is he kidding!?? she's gorgeous, she's bubbly and she's funny she's-...

'fuck, am I jealous?' you think too yourself

"umm, yeh Fiona, she was really nice when I met her" you state through gritted teeth

drew chuckles nervously "I just thought I should let you know...I mean obviously it's all professional but you know... I-"

"No, don't be silly, I know drew. It's your job. I expect it...obviously " you say, getting up off the couch and heading over to the open plan kitchen...'did that come off slightly passive aggressive?' you think too yourself.

Drew leans back into the couch, watching you from afar, you can feel his eyes burning into your back as you grab a glass from the cupboard.

you're aware it's his job, but surely anyone in this position would feel slightly jealous, he's going to have to act intimate with someone and it's then going to be seen by the rest of the world, you're unaware of how sex scenes operate...how far will it have to go and how much skin will be seen?! uncontrollable thoughts run through your mind, you find yourself questioning the love Drew has for you. Are you good enough? Will an on screen romance become an off screen one? In all fairness, Drew and the cast spend more time together within the 6 months of filming than you and Drew do within that 6 months alone...you feel yourself snap.

by snap I don't mean scream, nor shout, nor cry. 

However, there is a slightly toxic side to you, one which is created by past relationships, people that have made you feel less than. Before you met drew, you'd been through some shit and it's always been difficult for you to trust...you're subconsciously 'triggered'

" She's pretty right?" you say, turning to Drew and catching his eyes with yours.

you stand there with an empty glass on the counter as you wait for his response.

"umm.." he stutters, taken back by your question

"she's a nice girl y/n/n...why?"

you nod slowly, pouring a drink into the glass..."yeh,she's a nice girl" you repeat, again, through gritted teeth

Drew squints his eyes over at you as he tries to figure out what your trying to do..."listen baby, its professional, you can't-"

"I can't what?" you interrupt with a slightly raised voice 

There was a silence that filled the room.

"I'm going to bed," you murmur as you grab your glass off the counter and take your first step towards your bedroom.

"y/n/n?" drew exclaimes, but you ignore him

"fuck sake" you hear drew mutters under his breath, followed by a sigh as he tilts his head back into the couch. 

Darting your head over to his direction, you interrogate.

"Am I too much for you?" you exclaim 

"what?" drew says confused whilst frowning "no y/n I-"

you interrupted "so why are you making me feel like you dealing with my emotions is a chore?!" 

"Yes, I'm slightly pissed off drew. but there's nothing I can do about it. just let me have some time, don't sigh at me like I'm so difficult for you?" you say, raising your voice slightly more. He stands up and raises his hands slightly in-front of his chest whilst he gestures "are you fucking kidding me?" he chuckles sarcastically. "I've hardly said a word this whole time, you're being manipulative y/n. stop?" he demands 

"manipulative? drew? really?" 

Drew walks over to you, and you can now see slight anger in his eyes, his energy feels cold. 

"yes!" he exclaims, he comes close to your face and continues to gesture "asking me if I think she's pretty? What kind of question is that? you're trying to catch me out y/n?!" he lashes

"I was just asking you a question drew I-"

"are you fucking kidding me!? you want me to turn around and tell you that, yeh! yanno what, I cant wait to fuck her!? is that what you want? please tell me y/n '' drew shouts.

you're taken back by his aggressive body language and his raised voice and the words he's just spoken. you can feel slight tears forming in the back of your retina, the ball in your stomach grows bigger and you can feel your heartbeat in your fingertips. You're not usto arguing with Drew so explosively, you're not used to seeing his aggressive body language and if you're honest, it scared you. you could either lash out, you could scream...but you're suddenly engulfed by a wave of upset.

"I'm going to bed" you state. turning on the balls of your feet to continue to walk down the hall. A single tear escapes your eye but you're waiting to reach the bathroom before you can let all your emotions overwhelm your being. you didn't give yourself time to see the expression on Drews face after he'd stopped shouting but you didn't have to look to tell that he instantly regretted what he said, you could feel his energy change as you walked away.

_________________

you've turned to face the wall, struggling to sleep when...A few thuds at your bedroom door, in the beat you're again, so familiar with. you haven't been able to fall asleep and to be honest you were hoping Drew would knock and come in, he knows you hate sleeping without resolving an argument. it could be the biggest argument or the smallest argument you've ever had but you always make sure to have it somewhat sorted out before either of you say goodnight, whether he's 3000 miles away or just next door.

"hey y/n/n" drew whispers as you heard the door shut quietly behind him but you didn't turn around. "hey...are you sleeping?" he questions before you feel the bed slightly dip and a creak from the headboard.

It takes you a minute  but you eventually turn around, to be greeted by the back of Drew, he looks to have his head in his hands sitting on the edge of the bed. "I'm awake" you mutter.

He turns slightly, greeting you with an apologetic smile, he then goes to grab your exposed arm and rubs it with his thumb. his energy is warm and calm, much different too before. it makes the nerves form again in the pit of your stomach, like butterflies. "Listen baby" he states "I'm sorry about the shit I said and urm... the way I raised my voice. my actions were out of order and for that i'm sorry..." he sighs apologetically 

There was a slight silence whilst you thought of what to say, but before you could speak he began again "you know I love you? right? It upsets me that you worry about my opinions on anyone else because, I'm sorry but, in my mind no one compares to you y/n/n, I honestly do think you are. thé. most." drew emphasises "perfect girl in the world for me" he finishes, looking at you with a devilish grin 

he knows how to capture your heart...you roll your eyes playfully trying to shy away from the fact he's made you weak... whilst a smile creeps upon your face you push his arm and chuckle slightly.

you sigh.

"i'm sorry about my outburst, it was out of order" you admit "I was slightly jealous and I-"

"only slightly?!" drew says with a sarcastic shocked faces as he interrupts you, playfully teasing

"fuck off" you chuckle, pushing his arm

"Yes, it's because everyone wants you...what can I say, it's hard being me!" rolling your eyes, teasing him back

He engulfs you into a hug and plants kisses all over your face and neck, almost like he's attacking you. you giggle and say stop, but really you need him to carry on. 

"fuck! I love you drew" 

"fuck... I love you" he reiterates.

[c-l-y-d-e]

ALRIGHT. For the last two-ish months I've been working my way through the entirety of Supernatural's 15 seasons.

(For context: I'd seen Seasons 1 to 9ish back when they were airing, so those were fun to revisit, and then the last third of the series was fresh territory although I was more or less aware of the main plot beats and additions to the cast. (I was of course present for the collective meltdown of November 5th through to the finale, though I'd never watched more than clips/gifs of that))

SO. Having just finished Season 15, I gotta say, I feel hollow inside :') Like, I know the pandemic impacted things, but wow, way to fumble every aspect of the conclusion for every single character??? Not just Cas going to turbohell and then being wholly ignored/forgotten aside from a "yeah he's in heaven somewhere". But like, DEAN? Who'd struggled with depression and suicidal tendencies and the solution was... a shitty death??? That for all his fighting against fate was exactly the dark, unhopeful ending he'd said he'd get since the start of the series?? And I think I get what they were trying to give Sam but holy shit did he look miserable and unfulfilled with his "normal" life. Like, for all their fighting to SAVE PEOPLE and despite the bazillion loopholes they canonically have, this was the time they said "bummer, RIP", WHAT THE—

Ok, I'm not going to hash out all my thoughts here (god, I don't even know where to start), BUT!!

I am primed for Season 15 fix-it fics. So help a girl out, and hook me up with links to your faves. PLEASE. CURE ME.

(Looking for: Destiel end-game. Long fics preferred, but love a life-changing hard-hitting one-shot. I can handle any rating. Desperately need SANITY and RESOLUTION and HOPE (I love you, angst with a happy ending!!).

[queen-tashie]

Happy Storyteller Saturday! I'd love to hear about your earliest writing attempts! How old you were when you started writing, what you wrote about, the first story you finished, etc... feel free to ramble on :)

Happy Storyteller Saturday!

My absolute earliest writing was way back somewhere between grade 2 and 4 (ages 7-9ish). I tried writing my own episode of Pokemon as a picture book. (I thiiiink my parents still have it somewhere, I kind of want to take a look at it again).

I didn't really write much back then, I was more into drawing line art and making OCs that way. When I got to grade 4 or 5ish I stopped reading on my own almost completely, besides an occasional book or two, and I was more likely to read non-fiction to learn about animals (like sharks. I really like sharks.). I think as I stopped reading I also stopped writing, because I didn't start reading for pleasure again until I was 15. And then suddenly I started writing again.

Around then I mostly read YA fantasy in my free time, so I started writing a story about dragons (two brother dragons, Valdore and Arian, their father Failias, and their mother S... something with an S at least. (I could literally check this right now but I just had a huge meal and I'm feeling sluggish haha). Ok it was bugging me not knowing and I got up to look for it (and it took like 5 minutes instead of the 10 seconds I thought it would lol) and her name was Sarhina. I attempted this story a couple times but was fully pantsing it, not really sure which direction to go in. I wrote about three or four very, very short chapters before I started writing something else. Valdore was one of the OCs I had come up with back in elementary school, I think as young as 6 years old, so I was still happy that I attempted writing a story about him.

The next story I wanted to write was a futuristic apocalypse story where the main characters fought demons as they came out at dawn. This one I progressed even less than the dragon story, the OCs were much newer. Originally I had called this story Survival of the Fittest, then I changed the premise completely to the main characters either appearing in a new world or already living there (I suppose it was a genre change to a portal fantasy). I kept some of the apocalyptic vibes the same, the world had time seasons that went through the life and death of the ecosystem and structures on the land, then back to rebirth. One season was new growth, buildings were small but structurally sound, even people felt refreshed. Another season was abundance, buildings were large and had character to them, people felt their best and were at their strongest. The third season was scarcity and death, buildings crumbled from age, people were struggling to survive. Then it would start again with the rebirth of the land. Again, didn't really know where I was going with this story but the world building was much better developed than the first.

Somewhere in between both of these stories in my teens, I wrote some more Pokemon fanfic that I had started to share on DeviantArt.

There were also a half dozen or so other WIPs that I had started and didn't get further than a paragraph or two. For some reason I deleted many of these :(

Then the first novel-length story I ever finished is (BEING RELEASED TOMORROW!!!!) The Quiet Forest. Runnicka is an old OC from my elementary school drawings (though she's changed since then, I happened to get an ask earlier today that reminded me of this). It took me 11 years to finish writing it (from drafting to giving up and redrafting to finally writing my first outline to finishing the actual first draft, then many, many edits), plus a year to query over 100 agents. It's the longest I've ever stuck to anything before, and so it's been a huge accomplishment finishing it, finishing querying, and now deciding to share it online (more about the story here).

I've had a series of smaller writing wins (ie finished stories) before The Quiet Forest was finished, though! I wrote about 10 flash fictions in 2020, some that I'd like to revisit and edit to better match my current writing skill level. One of them is already ready to read on my AO3 account! And last year I wrote over 80k words between two first drafts for two separate novels, and two finished short stories, one a Legend of Dragoon fanfic (also on my AO3), and another that I wrote as a writing sample for a contract writing position (almost got in but there were hundreds of entries and only about 5 or 6 spots), but I am working to get it published! And speaking of publishing, in 2023 I got randomly inspired to write All You Hear Is My Voice which got published early this year. It's a sci fi/speculative romance where a lonely queer man has reverse telepathy--instead of hearing everyone's thoughts, he's involuntarily projecting every thought he has into the minds of others nearby. Makes it hard for him to meet understanding people, and even harder to date. The thing that makes it sci fi is that it takes place on Mars :)

[katytheinspiredworkaholic]

WIP Wednesday

Dual Correspondence

Summary/the story so far: Sequel to Correspondence, established HotchReid, (for those who don't know) an AU where Reid never joined the FBI but worked as a consultant for the LA field office, met Hotch through that and fell in love long distance. Spencer now lives with Hotch and Jack in D.C. and the two are still happily enjoying what Rossi calls "the honeymoon phase" even though there hasn't been a wedding. Yet.

(Part 1)

(Unbeta'd, first draft (kind of), season 8-9ish)

(Takes place about two months after Spencer moved to D.C. to be with Hotch, and the team is out at a restaurant doing some much needed R&R/'team-building-if-Strauss-asks' for dinner. Except they are missing a certain Unit Chief, leaving Spencer to fend for himself with the team while they wait. Unbeta'd, first draft, season 8ish)

.

“Well, I’m not the greatest with bourgeois small talk.”

“You and Hotch had two years worth of nothing but small talk.” Emily raises an eyebrow at him over her own drink and then a mischievous glint catches in the dark depths of her eyes. “What did you two even talk about all that time?”

“Our unruly subordinates, mostly,” Spencer smirks, ducking to the side to escape another mischievous reach of admonishment from Morgan.

“But no, really?” Emily encourages, and her question gives him pause.

“Everything,” Spencer says with a smile. Near wistful in his remembrance. He ducks his head to hide the expression from his audience of seasoned profilers. “Too much to list.”

“That’s saying something for you,” JJ teases him.

“Yeah.”

The memories take him then. Of late nights, an abandoned online chess game and thousands of lines of text on a screen that go on for hours and hours. Talking about everything, and nothing, and filled with joy and companionship in between. Of calls that would go on so long they would fall asleep and still be connected long after, ticking away the seconds into the morning. Of emails and video calls, longing glances and whispered promises, aching dreams of someday and soon until finally they were… here. In the same place, for the very first time; in the same time zone, the same state and town and then living in the same house. Sleeping in the same bed. Where the nothing-yet-everything talks continued in that intimately small space between them as they lay side by side; still longing glances, still whispered promises, but no more soon. No more someday. Only now. Tomorrow. In the morning. After work. On the weekend. Promises kept and fulfilled and built upon. New memories made outside the text box on a computer screen. Spoken into existence and echoing in their ears, reminders of the oceans of time and distance they both have crossed to be…

Here.

“Yeah,” Spencer sighs, again – unknowingly repeating himself, and the whole table reacts in a wave of fond eye rolling and quiet not-so-tipsy laughter.

“You two are gross,” Emily concludes.

“Sweet,” Penelope corrects her.

“Disgustingly sweet,” Emily insists, then gestures to the group at large.” – and Hotch isn’t even here!”

Spencer was only too aware of that fact, but before he could feel his wistfulness darken and drag his mood down to sit heavily in his chest, a deep voice spoke from behind him.

.

“Yes, I am.”

.

Warm arms encircle his chest and shoulders, the familiar presence so welcoming and sudden the mere touch burns hot, and when Spencer turns to make sure his vivid memory recall isn’t playing tricks on his senses – he’s met with a kiss, warm and firm and so solidly there it takes his breath away. Still sends his heart racing. Because Aaron is there, sliding into the seat next to him, dark eyes only on him when he speaks. “I’m sorry I kept you waiting.”

“Don’t worry, we entertained ourselves just fine,” Emily responds, earning a half-hearted glare from her boss.

“I wasn’t talking to you.”

“Rude,” she scoffs, boldly. “We kept Spencer entertained, too!”

“I could hear you interrogating him from the parking lot,” Aaron scolds her...

.

(tbc...)

--

I am starting a new taglist for the sequel, as well as carrying over the people tagged from the first installment. If you would like to be added (or removed, for the veterans) please let me know via dm, ask, or comment here!

[anewstartrekfan]

So since I’m dragging my feet with actually starting TNG, I figured I’d work my way through Prodigy instead and it’s pretty good. I like the character development and tone. The showrunners ran the first 9ish seasons of Lego Ninjago so it’s nice to see them dip more into sci fi. Can’t wait for the inevitable character arc/redemption for Gwyndala’s evil dad (for those unfamiliar, the best character in ninjago imo is Garmadon who is the main character Lloyd’s evil dad) Shout out to Ella Purnell as Gwyndala, love hearing her in things. (Jinx from Arcane)

My favorite character is probably hologram Janeway.

I think my biggest issue is the uncanny valley that is most of the character designs and animation. It looks like a video game from the early 2010s. I understand it’s a tv series so I’m not expecting Pixar or or Dreamworks, but at least to me, it looks like they were going for a dreamworks esk character designs, a la monsters vs aliens/megamind. And on a tv budget it’s just not the greatest. It’s the worst for the humanoid characters they import from past trek. The characters/aliens specifically created for the show look good. Special shout out to Rok-Tahk.

Anyway I’m 7 episodes deep and it’s pretty good. Fingers crossed s2 actually gets released.

Not sure I can take another Pantheon. (S2 is done but the show became a tax write off before it was released)

RIP

[jackhues]

hi, im the buttercup x Connor enthusiast!!!!

nate being 100 percent behind them is so cute (and literally has a ship name for them) and like you said, it wakes sid up. i can just see connor coming up to nova scotia for like a week or weekend during the offseason and sid understanding why nate was so gungho about them in the first place. connor truly worships the ground she walks on and always is like two steps ahead of her like knowing what shes gonna do or if shes gonna hit herself against a table or something. sid is like, "ok maybe i don't have to worry as much or at least don't have to have a heart attack every five seconds with her. connor's got her" or at least if/when she goes to chicago to be with him full time

hihii, buttercup x connor was a great idea, it's seems to be a hit with a lot of ppl !!

oh my god, nate would be their biggest supporter through thick and thin. he's been there through it all, and it makes bee all the more thankful for him. also nate definitely only refers to connor as their ship name (send ideas!!), while bee remains bee!

during the offseason, after being together for like 8/9ish months or so and still going strong, bee invites connor up to ns and is literally so excited to show him around all of her childhood spots and fav places. sid's open to seeing him and having him come over, but he doesn't realize that he was actually wrong in not 'supporting' them in the start until he actually lives with connor for that little bit. like connor's got his hand around the corner of the table so she doesn't bump her head, he's always holding her hand with fingers laced bcz bee doesn't like holding hands the other way, he's so interested in learning about the different sports she plays and about her school. that's when sid's like ok he's not bad. he actually invites connor fishing and the two get to bond over that.

bee would go to live in chicago full time/season-round after her university finishes, but like she's still visiting a lot before that.

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

My Loneliness is Killin' Me

I must confess I've never actually been a Britney Spears fan, but I'm glad she's out of conservatorship and that's still a catchy tune.

For serious, that line has been stuck lingering in my head for about a week now thinking about where I can still go and what I can still do because of affection starvation. Buckle up if you're gonna read this, because it's probably going to be a long, rambly one. (Again).

I started rewatching Pushing Daisies a couple weeks ago with a dear friend who's never seen it (at a distance...like all of my dear friends except for J, even the ones I grew up with, she's 200+ miles away from me now). I mean, I couldn't let another moment pass without introducing my friend to Ned the Pie Maker (Lee Pace, sans elf costuming, circa 2007-9ish...I mean fucking look at him).

I told her, truthfully, that Ned the Pie Maker is probably the fictional character (other than obviously Egon Spengler) that I've had the biggest romantic-fantasy sort of crush on. I mean it's hardcore. It's worse than George Bailey. It's worse than Dwayne Wayne. It's worse than Chris Stevens from Northern Exposure. Clearly I have a thing for tall, soft-spoken, shy/awkward nerds. And I've watched Pushing Daisies all the way through about 5 times (this is time number 6; and it's short, 2 short seasons for American TV because until he started writing about a serial killer, American TV didn't appreciate Bryan Fuller at all). But I haven't watched it since I turned 35. This is my first watch since I began exploring and trying to understand my own trauma history. This watch is showing me why I like the show and Ned so much (beyond the witty writing and the bright colorful styling and cinematography and the fact that Lee Pace is smoking hot).

Not to spoil the show for people who've never seen it, but it's a romantic comedy with happy, optimistic, hopeful overtones but a really sad, complicated, dark underbelly. Ned has a superpower. He can bring dead things back to life (with obvious, serious caveats and consequences, of course...every superpower has these) by touching them. Once. If he touches them twice, dead forever (there's another rule, but I won't spoil that one because I don't need to in order to get this shit out, in case anyone else wants to give the show a try). Before he knew the rules of the game, he saved his dog, and then his mother, the beings who loved him the most (his dad was distant and kind of a neglectful asshole). But he only gets Mom back for a couple of hours, because she tucks him into bed and kisses him goodnight (second touch...dead forever). He tries to use his gift with compassion and responsibility through a childhood of basically raising himself and being unable to snuggle his own dog. And then, as a man, who just makes pies, he sees that his childhood best friend/first kiss has died. And he touches her once, ostensibly to say goodbye, but he just can't bring himself to touch her again...because he loves her so much. So it's a touchless love story; a love story full of inconvenience and longing; an ABNORMAL love story that required a lot of adaptation and patience.

(not touching ^^^)

And I love that (and I love Ned) because he decided she was WORTH that patience and adaptation. After spending a lifetime being lonely and disconnected, maintaining an important, real connection comes with sort of this 'whatever it takes' attitude. I have that. When I make a connection. And sometimes that's good. When it's reciprocated (like it is with J and A, and like Ned has). And sometimes that leads me to getting used by shitty people. Because they made me believe the connection was real with all this seeming patience and adaptation; validating me, and I believe it because even if it's a lie, I'm lonely and affection starved and I want to believe it.

And so a couple nights ago we watched an episode featuring a main supporting character, Olive. Her parents ignored her as a kid. To the point that they didn't notice she was missing for days. Olive had stowed away with two criminals, who were kind to her and paid attention to her, and she grew to love them over the two days she was away from 'home,' because they genuinely liked her and cared about her. In the show, obviously, the robbers are really the good guys, because they were kind to Olive, but in MY actual life, I've thought of how many truly shitty people I've connected to out of loneliness. I've been having nightmares about the last one I connected to lately. And I've been thinking about how I definitely could and probably will connect to some other shitty person because as awesome as J is (he's actually quite similar to Ned the Pie Maker in many ways...he just can't bake a pie...), I'm still often pretty lonely. J can't be with me all the time. Clearly. It's not his responsibility to rid me of loneliness...even if it were possible for him alone to undo 25 years of drought before we met. I hope the next connection I feel is a Ned (or an Olive or an Emerson or a Chuck), because when I feel it, I'll put my 'whatever it takes' attitude and effort into maintaining it. Even if they're a criminal. Because the criminals in real life rarely have hearts of gold like they do on Pushing Daisies.

[kayivy]

thanks for the tag, @des8pudels8kern!

Name: Kay

Sign: Libra

Time: 12:16 a.m

Last movie: rewatched Disney's Robin Hood because I've been studying animation lately

Last show: Only Murders in the Building Season 3! Loved it - it had Meryl Streep and musical theatre, of course I did.

When I created this blog: January 2020. Perfect timing, tumblr helped keep me mostly sane through the lockdowns.

Other blogs: Nope, I just throw everything in here

Do I get asks/may you ask me something: Sure, ask away

Average hours of sleep: Depends on whether I set an alarm or not. If there is no alarm, 9ish hours. If I have to get up, typically around 7-8

Instruments: Absolutely none, I don't have an ear for music sadly.

What I’m wearing: A very fluffy bathrobe and a towel in my hair - just showered.

Dream job: Eh, honestly I don't dream of work. I like my current career in general, but have been thinking about changing focus sometime next year. I do deliberately avoid mixing my hobbies with my career, because I find having to do thing tends to suck the joy out of thing, no matter how much I enjoy it otherwise!

[kitmoas]

How far along is tgu5 from tgu1? In terms of weeks or months. In my head most of the drabbles and blurbs have happened before tgu5

Oh gosh…okay so..according to my timeline it’s about..9ish months later?

Basically TG1 and the season finale so TG6 will be juuuust about a year apart and tg5 is like right after thanksgiving?

At the end of season 1 I’ll probably post the actual chronological order of the entire universe for those that would like to go through and read it like that!

Read the latest TGU installation: Counterparts and Countermoves

[s0fter-sin]

idk i just need to rant

[cathedralcomic]

how much has the story changed over time? Has it changed in smaller ways but kept the overall main plot line, or did it used to be a completely different story? I like seeing how stories change as it becomes more and more developed and destinguished.

great question i love these questions.. TECHNICALLY it’s been cycling through new variations for umm 9ish years.

i created the first one when i was 12. obv it was a warrior cats fanstory but what makes me laugh about this one specifically is that i rebranded it into its own thing THEN too. time is a flat circle guys

then there was a long period where i didn’t return to it at all. but in 2018 i was like Man i want to do a warrior cats story again. and so i started building this cast in the old forest territories with the clans from the books lol. the “serial killer woman + her child main character” thing was solidified here. as the months went on i diverged from the canon territories/clans and made my own… this is when i implemented my negative experiences with christian fundamentalists into the prototype darrows. 😭 also i dropped rook completely and he was replaced by a bizarre little character who had a lot of moth+ragweed in him. imagine that combination.. i went really far with this vers and i even had a name for it (inferno) but SIGH. then i watched true detective season 1 when i was 17

Sooo the next version took place in rural louisiana and it had 1 main character who was rust cohle lite the cat. i kept the serial killer thing but no familiar face was to appear till summer 2019. this version had the mc desperately searching for his best friend who was the leader, all the while fighting his own demons and trauma. a character named “splinterpaw” was introduced here but he was actually an early version of sparrow, not splinter.

ok… finally we are at summer 2019… cathedral as we know it is taking shape. we have the church! the barn! the lake! the creepy weird abandoned northeast usa town energy. every primary character has been created. after that it remained pretty much the same till august of last year when i ditched the warrior cat framework entirely. again

[wtfwhy]

Have to rant about Teen Wolf for a bit (anti-sterek, complaining about anti-scott mccall, pro-stiles)

Why are people upset that Sterek was never canon?? Like it's already confusing that so many people ship it like it's a normal ship. Like guys, STILES IS A CHILD, DEREK IS AN ADULT. Yeah, Stiles is an adult at the end of the show, but they met when he was like 15/16, Christ at that age I couldn't even image dating someone 17 or 18, much less 25!! (His age is a little unclear but it's around that) (and yes I know about his age recon, it's irrelevant because he was originally 19ish and that's still an adult/child relationship) That's a whole decade age gap. If they had met when stiles was already 18+, sure, still kinda weird but fine. But that's not what happened.

To put it in perspective, I bet a lot of you think the Kate and Young Derek kiss scene was gross and weird (at least hopefully you do) Google says she was about 29 when that happened and Derek was turned 15. That's a 14 year difference. Now you might be complaining, 'the sterek age gap is smaller than that!' well it's about 9ish years and that's STILL GROSS

And on young Derek, he was around Stiles' age (1-2 year difference) and it's such a drastic age difference from normal Derek, right? So if young Derek is considered a child who shouldn't be kissed by an adult, why is it ok when it's Stiles? And it also just shows how large of an age gap they have when Derek is around Stiles' age and he's literally a baby if that makes any sense.

They reconned Derek's age because if he was 19 and she was like 27-28 then he would've been 13 when they got together and she would've been 22ish. Huge pedo issue there obviously. And guess what, thats the same age gap as Sterek.

And some of you might say, 'well other shows have canon adult/child relationships!' that's true, but either it's criticized in the narrative or Pretty Little Liers (I really like that show but WTF was up with all the pedo ships???? Especially AriaxEzra) and just because a lot of things do it doesn't make the thing ok, for example, shipping Sterek.

They don't even really have any romantic chemistry, like their dynamic was funny but most of it was Derek literally hating on Stiles. Like if you're going to ship a morally dubious ship, 1) at least have it be an interesting ship? They're so boring together 🙄 and 2) own up to it!!! Most of y'all act like Derek wouldn't get thrown in jail if he was into stiles like that

Personally I like to think after some nice character development, Derek comes to see both Stiles and Scott as little brothers, but unfortunately I've become so tainted by the onslaught of inescapable sterek content that even then with a very cute, platonic relationship seems wrong, which is stupid but my brain has now blacklisted any fan content with either of them in it now...

AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON SCOTT HATE, genuinely what is WRONG with you people?? He's the purest, sweetest character in the entire show! And sure, Stiles is more interesting as a character, but Scott is a really good protagonist. Good comparison I thought of is how in ALAB everyone is obsessed with Zuko even tho Aang is the main character. The only difference is that for some reason a big percentage of the fandom decided to shit on Scott for no reason.

Main 'reasons' I've seen:

Scott is a bad friend

- When???? Where? The only time I could kinda see that is in season 1, but think about it like this, he's 16 (A CHILD) and not only is in love for the first time, but has to deal with all the werewolf/alpha stuff that went down in that season. He's busy, he's going through it. And yeah Stiles was very involved and was doing his best to help, but Scott can't be in a million places at once. Guys, normal kids are worse friends than Scott ever was and are still good people, cause it happens sometimes. Are you constantly think about your bestie when you have a million other things going on? Probably not! And it wasn't even that bad because Scott did keep stiles in the loop 90% of the time!!! Y'all actually like Scott was Gon in the chimera ant arc 🙄

His argument with Stiles in season 5

- Was Stiles having a rough time? Yeah, absolutely. Was he in the right? Yeah. But was Scott also really going through it?? Definitely, boy was struggling. Not only does this kid have the weight of the world on his shoulders all the goddamn time, but there was the whole mess they were dealing with, Hayden was dying, he and Liam were arguing, he was having such bad anxiety his asthma was coming back... Man was not in a good headspace.

Coupled that with the very specific way that Theo lied to him (let's be honest, it really does sound like something Stiles would do for his dad), and the miscommunication of Stiles not denying that something did happen, Scott believing that it was more murder than self defense makes a lot of sense to me. And when they do finally talk it out, it's really wholesome and Scott is not only really understanding, but apologetic.

Also, again, real relationships have misunderstandings and lack of good communication all the goddamn time. This doesn't make someone a bad person or a bad friend. FICTIONAL CHARACTERS CAN HAVE FLAWS AND MAKE MISTAKES WITHOUT BEING BAD PEOPLE!!!

Really sorry this is so long and probably has mistakes in it but I was mad and it's late lol

[eirenical]

Hi! I hate to bother you and if you decide to delete this or not answer, no worries at all. Time is a precious commodity. From following your blog, I know you are wise in all thing DMBJ. I was looking at the translations of the novels on Amazon and am considering buying them, but they're described as being books for ages 8+. That surprised me as my only exposure thus far has been Lost Tomb Reboot, which seems aimed at an older audience. Does the 8+ rating sound accurate to you? Are they enjoyable for adults? Thank you!

Oh, nonny, you would go for the complicated question right off the bat.  No worries, though; I’m up for it!  😁  (And you are not at ALL a bother!  I love talking about DMBJ.  Especially the novels.  ^_^)

(Disclaimer: 1) These are my opinions only.  2) If you have the financial ability to support the official translations of any Chinese novel by purchasing them, you definitely should.)

OK, so first thing’s first: I HIGHLY recommend reading the novels.  They cover so much more territory than the dramas alone and will fill in a lot of the blanks that the dramas don’t cover, so if you enjoy the story and the characters, you’ll be getting much MUCH more of them in the novels.

Second thing’s second: The novels are published first online by NPSS, then cleaned up and polished and edited before being published in print.  Some stories (like some of the side stories and extras) were never published in print and probably won’t be.  The basic timeline of the novels goes like this:

Main novel series (books 1-8): takes place when Wu Xie is about 26-28 years old or so.  This is the time period when the Iron Triangle first meet and become who they are together.

Tibetan Sea Flower (Zang Hai Hua): takes place ...5ish or so years after the main novel series.   Xiaoge is absent for... (spoiler) reasons... but his presence is still VERY much felt in the novel.  This is when we get the biggest chunk of his back story to date.  It is also unfinished and ends on a TERRIBLE cliffhanger, but it’s well worth reading anyway.  (There is a drama in production right now to cover this novel and hopefully we’ll get some closure on that.)

Sand Sea (Sha Hai): the first three volumes take place 9ish years post-main novel series, the final volume is a prequel to those.  This is Wu Xie’s revenge/mob widow(er) arc and the first three volumes are told from the POV of a younger character, Li Cu.  This story is ALSO unfinished and ends on a terrible cliffhanger, but from what I understand, the drama did give us some closure (I haven’t watched it yet, so can’t confirm that myself, but it’s what I’ve heard).  There is also a second season of this that is coming down the pike probably after they do ZHH.

Ten Years Later: The story of Wu Xie going to pick up Xiaoge from where he’s been since the main novel series ended and the Iron Triangle deciding to settle down in a little village called Yucun (Rain Village) and retire.

Finally we have Yucun Biji (Notes in Rain Village 1 & 2), Restart 1 & 2 (the novels TLTR is based on) and then two other novels whose names I am utterly blanking on but that come after Reboot.  (Yucun Biji 2 and the two novels after Restart are current works in progress.)

And NUMEROUS SIDE STORIES AND PREQUELS AND EXTRAS INCLUDING QUIRKY LITTLE SHORT STORIES THAT WILL UTTERLY BREAK YOUR HEART INTO PIECES AND ALSO A STORY ABOUT THE ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE AND MANY OTHER WACKY THINGS???  (Seriously, the novels are a TRIP.  XD)

Which brings us back around to your actual question.  The official translations on Amazon (books 1-6) actually cover books 1-halfway through 5 of the Chinese novels.  That’s it.  For anything else after that, you’ll have to move to fan translations.  (If you feel comfortable sending me a message off anon, I’ll be happy to point you in the right direction.)

And behind a cut for the rest, I think...

OK, so remember how I said that the books are published online first and then in print second?  The person who has done pretty much all of the fan translation had not done volumes 1-5 1/2 because they wanted to encourage everyone to support the official translations and still do.  They are, however, now going back and working on the the online versions of those volumes.  The reason I mention this is that while I absolutely agree that we should support the official translations if we can, they’re... not as good as they could be.  OTZ  They’re poorly localized, the transliterating of names is not consistent with current pinyin (i.e., Wu Sansheng instead of Wu Sanxing), and the writing itself is kind of clunky.  Now some of that is that the earlier novels were very early works of NPSS and his writing ability has grown by leaps and bounds through writing this series, so the later books are of a much higher quality.  And part of it is just... not great translating.  Which is unfortunate.

I remember enjoying the first two books but not being totally sucked in yet (and for the record, I WAS reading the official translations, so even though the fan-edited MTL is better, it isn’t like the official translations are unreadable.  They’re not.  They’re just not as good.), then slogging through book three (because that’s a Wu Xie-only book and I missed the Iron Triangle), and then I got to book four and didn’t stop reading until I’d devoured the entire rest of the series.  XD

As for the 8+ rating thing, I vaguely remember thinking that the simplicity of the writing and the adventure nature of the plot might have made it a fun read for my (then) 8 year old nephew as I was reading book 1, but the books are still very much intended for adults and that becomes quickly apparent by the time you’re in Volume 2 and beyond.  The themes get very complex and even dark in places in a way that might be hard for an 8 year old to follow (though that may depend on the 8 year old).  So I think that’s a mislabel on Amazon’s part and I wouldn’t let it worry you, if I were you.

...I realize this got very very long, but I hope I’ve managed to answer your question?  If not, please feel free to send another one and I’ll see if I can clear up what I missed.  ^_^

[stillafanofsonic]

Now that a lot of people have seen Sonic 2, we’re all wondering the same thing. How long until Sonic 3? Obviously, I don’t work at Paramount so I don’t know for sure. But... let’s use the timeline between the first and second film to make an educated guess!

Timeline

February 14th 2020- Sonic the Hedgehog is released in theaters

May 2020- Sonic the hedgehog 2 announced by Paramount

(10 months of pre-production)

March through June 2021- They film the second movie (around 4 months of filming)

(9ish month of post-production)

April 2022- Sonic the Hedgehog 2 is released is theaters

By this, we can say it took 23 months from the time they announced there would be a sequel to the time it was released in theaters.

Let’s start the timeline for Sonic 3!

February 2022: They announce there will be a sequel. Of course, when they announced this, they also released a logo for the movie, something that didn’t happen with the 2nd one until they were closer to filming. But since I have no idea how far along they are in pre-production, we’re just going to assume the same timeline as the second one.

With ten months of pre-production, that puts them starting to film around the end of this year/ beginning of 2023.

They film for 3-4 months

Then another nine months for post-production.

Where does that put us? In short, if they are further along then we know, at the very best, we might get the movie in the holiday season of next year, 2023. But we’re probably looking at around February of 2024.

[funkymbtifiction]

Hello Charity, Merry Christmas :)

Enneagrammer thinks that 2s always have a forceful energy to them.

I can see why they think that, because 2s have a line to 4 and to 8. Both intense, assertive types (4 in terms of self-identity, and 8 in terms of being protective over their loved ones). But I would say that not including MBTI type in their analysis of 2s is biasing Enneagrammer toward the forceful, purpose-driven EFJ 2s, in which you will see their line to 8 far more often, out of their EFJ desire to control situations and influence them in the way they want to go. IFJ 2s or IFP 2s will not be as forceful (EFP 2s... yes... because strong Te).

In your experience, have you ever come across 2s who are 9-ish in terms of being quiet, being hesitant to give advice, wanting to listen rather than give advice, being self-doubting, self-effacing, not wanting to intrude, struggling to assert themselves or take up space, and so on? Or do you agree with Enneagrammer that being assertive and forceful is always a feature of a 2?

I know an ISFJ 296 who is like that, yes. I *assume* she is a 2, because so much of her life is centered on RELATIONSHIPS, which is different from a 9. 2s are constantly thinking about the people around them, their loved ones, strangers, everyone. This 2 can come across as 9ish (easily tired, withdrawn) except that she is very much the 'giver' in all her relationships (sometimes to her own determent); when she e-mails me, she is forever giving me a list of nice things she did for people that week, as if to gently (put in a 2ish prideful way) make sure that I know what a nice person she is to everyone -- I went here, bought this person lunch, took that person a gift basket, passed along this gift card I had, etc. She never gives me advice, she doesn't think she's capable of doing anything on her own, her family walks all over her, she won't assert herself in any way out of a fear of conflict, and she is INCREDIBLY emotional. Like, super sensitive -- as 2s, being emotional types, are. 2s are the most emotional type, and the type most likely to cry easily. No, not all of them are assertive. Like 9s, they want to maintain their relationships, but unlike 9s, relationships are the center of their world. 9s are all about being calm and unaffected, 2s are all about love and relationships.

In an article about enneagrams and professions, I read about how 9s often end up in therapeutic or other human-welfare fields, which sparked an epiphany for me. Can I ask - if a 9 wasn't particularly helpful or others-focused as a child, but then grew up and went through bad experiences and realized the extent of the world's cruelty, and then discovered that they enjoyed a service-driven job and that they cared about not letting bad things happen to other people - if their adult selves then started to be passionate about helping people, then how might their desire to help manifest differently from a 2's? How might you tell this type of 9 apart from a 2, given that both care about helping people?

They would need to examine their motives (do I want peace, or love?); from the outside, you would have to hypothesize about their motives and see what other behaviors manifest. I think James Heriott is a good example of a 2ish 9 in All Creatures Great and Small (new series) -- he goes out of his way to help people, and feels anguish if he cannot, but his main priority is avoiding conflict and removing himself from intense situations. If Tristan and Siegfried start to have a row at the table, James gets up and leaves, he can't stand it. It also takes him a lot to work up a head of steam -- and having yelled at someone (like he had to, in season one, where he told off an entire pub full of people after being harassed all day at work) he is drained and ashamed of himself, whereas a 2 moving to 8 would have more of a flare-up and not feel as shaken by it. 2s also will put themselves forward to help faster than 9s, because it's all about their self-identity; they identify as a loving, generous, caring person who needs to help that person! 9s aren't thinking about how others see them, their focus is more inward, on will this upset me or not?

I think Richard Rhor wrote about a 2 in his book, who was terrified to go to kindergarten for the first time. When she got there, she looked around the playground, saw another kid sobbing on the steps because their shoes were untied -- and she said it's like she came alive. I AM NEEDED. Even as a small child, she hurried to help them, and put her arm around them, and said it would be fine, we are in this together! Suddenly she was no longer scared, because she had a job to do. Someone needed her. A 9 would be thinking about whether they feel anxious, and how to stop that anxiety (ignore it, numb it out, go sit on the swing and move back and forth to feel calm?).

[helenazbmrskai]

title ‹ Christmas bribery ›

pairing ‹ soldier!seokjin x oc ›

genre ‹ Christmas/holiday au, strangers to lovers, fluff, angst but barely there ›

summary ‹ This is the first time you can’t go home and celebrate Christmas with your family so your mom makes sure you don’t spend the holidays alone happy to learn that Seokjin, your mother’s best friend’s son is taking his annual leave near the 22nd of December from Military services. This story is about the biggest Christmas bribery of the century. ›

warnings ‹ swear words here and there, bad puns? ›

word count ‹ 6.2k ›

notes. I’m here to deliver a light read to set the mood for the holidays and I hope all of you will enjoy it as much as I enjoyed the process of writing it. In this Christmas collab, I had the chance to meet with these amazing people so I’m sharing this story as a gift and as a thank you!

this is part of the Christmas fic collab that was suggested by @kooala​ please check out the masterpost and enjoy every story we share! 

”You did what?!” I feel dizzy due to the sudden movement of my body jerking up in a sitting position, crisscrossing my legs under me as my hand holds up the phone to my right ear a little bit more pressingly after hearing the breaking news. That she tells me with a singing tone sounding so excited but I can’t seem to share her sentiments as the bewilderment decorating my voice is in sharp contrast with the silence that settled on the cosy apartment like a thick feather-filled duvet. Nibbling on my thin lips I locate the single gingerbread scented candle on my desk still illuminating the interior of my messy bedroom the flames licking up the walls and disappearing near the ceiling, creating pretty shapes and lights over the dull paint, it helps me regain my composure before I realise that mom is not yet finished talking.

”Well he needed a place to stay and busses won’t go out because of the upcoming storm his apartment is in Daegu and I’m sure he’ll be tired from the flight.” Flicking on the lights I take in the sight, clothes piled up on the chair’s armrest whilst dirty plates littering every usable surface, fuck, if my room looks like a pigsty I don’t want to imagine how the other rooms are looking right now.

I was so immersed in doing great on my finals that I don’t think I cleaned the space up for a while.

I should start doing my laundry so I have something to wear as I already look to be out of clean t-shirts inspecting the pile of unwashed jeans and other garments, momentarily embarrassed to see I’m also out of room to place new dirty clothes on top of all these.

”What are you implying mother?” Pursing my lips, I honestly start to lose her train of thoughts as her rant goes on and my eyes wander over the state my apartment is in after stressful weeks but knowing her ways she’ll start with building on my conscience until she realises that I’m no longer an unsuspecting five-year-old girl and she’ll pull out the big guns and dust off her bribing skills.

Whatever her plan is, she always makes me go accordingly no matter how much I try to resist or protest and I feel a knot form in my throat at that. If this is about my non-existent dating life again that she called me to discuss in the dread of the night, I swear I’m gonna flip a table or something.

”You remember Sunha’s eldest son?” Answering back with a question as she often likes to do, doesn’t throw me off balance as it used to.

I’m long ago accustomed to getting her ways to twist the conversation to her favour so I’m ready to fire back my reply in the same form matching her up. ”How is your best friend’s son has to do with any of this?” Utterly confused by the mention, that must lace my tone since she lets a lightsome laugh bubble up in her chest I can picture her dimples are showing in full display because of it.

”Did you even pay attention to a word I said?” She sounds more amused than accusing, letting me know that she actually doesn’t mind how my head gets airy sometimes, her playfulness earns a groan from my side of the line, it’s getting pretty late and I have not enough brain cells left for her mind games.

”Spit it out, mom. You know I love you but I had a rough week so spare me of your wicked schemes.” I breathe out the words orbs closing involuntarily as I rest my head against the door frame. Where was I going anyway?

Maybe I should go for a hot chocolate before bed.

It’ll be weird not seeing my family for the holidays but I don’t want my mom to worry about me so I made sure to be extra cheerful all the time when she called only ignored her attempts of reaching me like one or two times as I had to study for two last exams and now that I can finally relax the exhaustion seems to catch up to me. I’m fine being on my own, making food and seasonal sweets while I watch tv without any interruptions, sounds like an excellent plan for Christmas, not caring how loud my music is or how bad my singing voice is under the shower.

No family means sweet alone time awaits, no one will tell me to go to sleep and I didn’t need to worry what kind of a present I should purchase at least for a little while.

”Do you remember Seokjin or not Y/N? This conversation will last longer if you don’t cooperate with me.” I can practically see her eye roll directed at me in front of my eyes despite she’s twenty miles away from here, wishful thinking on my part that she’ll let this conversation go if I ask her to stop beating around the bush.

”I don’t know. Maybe?” A fragment of my memory is triggered by hearing his name, and a scenario appears out of nowhere that was a few years ago in Sunha’s second marriage ceremony as I stand in a pastel lavender dress.

Mother was otherworldly happy for Sunha that day she dragged me with her as she chatted away mixing with the guests until we settled down to our table - when the cake cutting took place - that consisted of the bride and groom themselves and close family members like Sunha’s sons and his significant other’s daughter and, of course, my mother and I was present too.

I remember sitting down and just looking ahead aimlessly when I locked gazes with a handsome man his posture was immaculate and he seemed happy for his mother but couldn’t hide how restlessly he fidgetted in his seat, his eyes couldn’t settle watching only one thing, he even looked skittish as he jumped in his seat when the girl sitting on his left tried to catch his attention. Our eye contact lasted less than five seconds and his presence remained for thirty minutes at most as he apologised to her mother and everyone at the table since he had some urgent affairs to attend to.

I probably looked shocked for the reason that mom whispered the words into my ear when he left so suddenly to make sense of things. ”That’s Jin, her eldest son he serves in the army he probably couldn’t get a full day off because of his duties.” After humming in an understanding gesture I fixed my gaze onto the cake slice in front of me.

I remember that man clearly but with purpose, I don’t elaborate further than that, so she doesn’t have the compromitting piece of information to latch onto and make it a bigger issue. She would be elated to know I do remember Kim Seokjin, well, he’s hard to forget in the first place, he smiled only once as his mother hugged him at the table and even if it lasted for less than a second the expression was captivating. Howbeit if she tells me that she organised a date with him I’m going to slam my head to the closest hard surface I can tell. He’s so out of league and dating someone with such a dangerous profession at that, it’s not going to work, doesn’t matter how much I find him attractive and charming.

”It doesn’t matter I guess. You two could get to know each other eventually as he’ll stay at your apartment.” She drops the bomb before disconnecting the call, she doesn’t even wait for my protests this time around. A groan leaves my lips while I look around the house promptly throwing my phone to land on my bed in the means of letting out some of my frustration. I need to get going and make this house presentable again, that hot chocolate needs to wait I guess.

 from: unknown number

[7.22 AM] Hi it’s Seokjin. My plane will take off at 9ish can you send me your address?

 Grabbing my phone from the kitchen counter I open the message from the unknown number the device almost slips through my fingertips as I rake my eyes over the content hesitant about how to reply I turn to my friend who so generously offered her help to tidy up my living space a little before my unrequested guest arrives. With a broom in her hand, she looks back at my weird facial expression.

”What is it? It’s him?” Gaun asks abandoning her cleaning tools to read the message as well peaking over my shoulder in order to do that. ”He sounds so uptight even in text. Brr.” She shakes her shoulders in simple displeasure that earns an eye roll from me, it’s not that he’ll send hearts when our encounter was years ago for like five seconds. Honestly, I’m surprised that mom and Sunha were able to talk him into this in the first place.

”He’s a soldier Gaun and on the contrary, we don’t know each other he has no reason to be friendly.” Gnawing on my lower lip I click on the message to reply, typing a few lines before I deleted it and rewrote it before hitting send.

 [7.34 AM] Hey of course. Call me if you don’t find your way.

[7.34 AM] *google map link attached*

 from: Seokjin

[7.35 AM] I will thank you

 ”Let’s hurry up we don’t have that much time.” I place the phone back on the counter resuming my cleaning and Gaun starts to swipe the floor where she left off all the while I can hear the washing machine work in the distance.

 I could feel my heartbeat in the pit of my stomach when the doorbell finally rang and at the other side of the door, there’s Kim Seokjin in all of his glory, that handsome soldier I got a sneak peek at his mother’s wedding wearing a formal suit and tie combo that he pulled of so nicely. I wipe my hands with a towel leaving the leftover plates in the sink as I rush to open the door for him.

”Hi.” I greet him with a friendly smile plastered on my face, I have to tilt my chin upwards to meet his eyes, he’s even taller than I remembered and he’s wearing his military uniform. My hold on the doorknob tightens how unfairly handsome he is with his hair parted in both sides leaving his forehead uncovered his uniform is well fitted and compliments the curves of his waist and thighs the cherry on top is his platform jet black boots that matches with the colour of his hair that I love so much.

A well trained German Sheppard sits near his foot with his tongue out as soon as I crouch down to pet him so focused on the animal that I almost don’t catch Seokjin’s timid ’hello’ in return, the dog’s tail starts to wag furiously seeing my face at his eye level he throws me off balance as he marches forward for more pets.

”I’m sorry he’s not normally like this.” The handsome boy offers a hand to help me up with a sheepish look, I accept the extended hand with a faint blush ignoring the pain that shoots up to my ass because of the impact with the floor. His hand is bigger than mine as it gets fully enveloped in his warm ones.

”Mom didn’t tell me you have a dog,” I chuckle lightly as I pet the dog’s head one last time unsure what to do with my hand that he no longer holds. ”I mean, she didn’t tell me much just told me you’ll come today.” His unique laugh sounded nice ringing in my ears, it made me smile up at him as he playfully shook his head. It’s weird how relaxed I feel around his presence when I was shaking with nerves just moments prior, and I’m still not entirely comfortable with him but his whole aura has a calming effect on my body. I don’t think I’ve ever met with someone that makes me feel so at ease when it’s basically our first meeting.

”Yeah, well, I think we both got played by our mothers.” I have to agree on that one with him. Realising that we’re still standing in front of my entrance I beckon him to come inside stepping out of the way so he could easily slide his luggage beside him his dog’s paws leave imprints on the clean floor but I don’t mind it as he looks so excited about everything inside sniffing and exploring while Jin tries to make him behave scratching his neck when his dog doesn’t seem to listen to a single word.

”Sorry he’s making a mess.” Seokjin apologises seeing the muddy paw marks after connecting our eyes for a few seconds he follows the steps into the kitchen. ”No Cookie that’s not food for you.” The young soldier immediately runs after his companion when he tries to steal the cinnamon rolls from the kitchen counter and I can’t help but laugh at the sight as he scolds the dog.

This is going to be an interesting holiday season I can already tell.

 ”I can’t believe this fucking jar.” I contemplate to smash it against the counter after spouting several curse words when a hand landed on mine directly on the jar’s lid, I feel Cookie’s fur brush against my exposed leg having enough evidence to know who’s this arm belongs to and I turn around in a moment of weakness. Jin’s hair rests on the top of his head in a messy style sweat dampening the ends.

”Need some help?” His eyes hold a childlike glow in them as he brushes his fingers against mine replacing my digits with his and the lid pops easily in his hands.

I can’t say this display of physical strength doesn’t make him even more attractive in my eyes I barely pay attention to the fact that he stands so close I can feel his chest meet mine as we breathe handing back the opened strawberry jam.

”Thanks.” I hastily turn to avoid his gaze even though that doesn’t offer much advantage as he leans closer pushing his chest against the line of my back watching as my hands spread the jam over the walnut biscuits.

”Want a taste?” Feeling bolder than usual I face him again holding up a finished treat to his mouth, Jin makes a surprised sound in the back of his throat but parts his lips obediently letting me slip the food between his teeth.

”I’ll leave as a stuffed chicken if you keep feeding me these delicious treats.” Despite the indication, he doesn’t seem against the food I offer as he tries to steal one more from the plate but I pull his hand away curling my fingers around his wrist.

”Let me finish before you devour my hard work you pig.” I roll my eyes watching his childlike antics, he seems to take pleasure in riling me up from time to time. It’s been two days since he and his companion Cookie arrived and things just worked out smoothly Jin is a nice person with horrendous jokes but he does help out a lot around the apartment he even fixed my broken ladder so we can decorate the Christmas tree that he insisted we need to purchase when I told him I was not going to go all out and celebrate this year. After all, I was supposed to be here on my own.

He’s so used to training at headquarters that he leaves every morning to run for an hour before he comes back all sweaty and satisfied finding me eating my breakfast or drinking my coffee it doesn’t matter what’s in my hands he always needs to get the last bites from it. He’s really not good for my heart.

”Since you’re doing the sweets how about I make us lunch today?” Jin asks excitedly resting his head on top of mine gently careful not to put too much weight on me, my heart speeds up at the sweet gesture not trusting my words so I nod instead. One of these days I can’t wrap my head around his intentions, he looks so nonchalant as he does things like resting his head on me or patting my knee when we watch tv together with Cookie curled around us on the couch.

”I can’t work like this.” I use the excuse to separate our bodies, is it just me or the kitchen is getting hotter by every passing second, or it’s just my cheeks heating up due to his body moulding perfectly with mine. It doesn’t help either that I remember he’s sweaty under his shirt after his daily exercise smelling nice when he probably shouldn’t have. I busy my hands to glue the biscuits together with the jam moving slightly to the side a little further from Jin’s warm body, he doesn’t say anything else as he decides to leave the kitchen Cookie stays for the sake of finishing his meal before going on a quest to find his owner leaving me behind with my thoughts.

I wrap things up quickly after that, placing the treats in the middle so Cookie can’t reach it and clean up the jam stains before retreating to my room.

It’s a pleasant surprise to check my phone and see that my mom tried to reach me an hour ago, she’s up uncharacteristically early. Too curious to find out what she wants I dial her number without a second thought, it’s been three days that she called and that time she told me Jin will stay at my place until he has to go back to the army. Whenever I think about that a frown seems to climb its way up to my expression I got used to seeing him around the house that I tend to forget he won’t be around when the new year comes and it’s scary to think about how attached I feel to him or rather how lonely I’ll feel once this is all over. He’s a busy man in general and serving under the Military’s name means he can’t be here when I need him, it would be as painful in the long run as a long-distance relationship would be. Not that I assume he’s interested in me that way.

”Hey mom sorry I didn’t hear your call. Is everything alright?” I press my phone to my left ear, closing the door behind with the help of my foot before sitting down at the edge of my bed. Seokjin’s low hum and the sound of pots and pans indicate that he started soon after I left the kitchen, it’s early to start lunch already but Jin is always restless like that.

He needs to find things to do or fix because he gets bored easily, he told me that when I picked up on his punctuality that he always has to move like a clockwork at the base he developed a habit of making use of himself and he needs to constantly do things to keep his restless energy at bay so he can sleep well at night.

He wakes up exactly at six in the morning every day even without setting up his alarm. I think it’s endearing when he thumps his foot absentmindedly even if he’s watching a movie he’s interested in, legs spread wide in a comfortable position on the sofa, his body just never relaxes completely.

”Yes dear I called early to say Merry Christmas to my baby!” I giggle in response hearing her excitement conveyed through her voice. ”I hope you enjoy your Christmas present.” Her tone turned suggestive and my laughter died down, heat rose to my cheeks and my thoughts spiralled to Seokjin’s direction.

”What’s that supposed to mean?” I glance at the door listening for the noises to make sure Jin can’t hear my flustered tone, he’s still in the kitchen and that helps me relax a little until my mom’s knowing hum filled the silence in the conversation.

”Are you getting on well with Jin right? He’s a real sweetheart so treat him nice ok?” Can’t help but all the more agree with her, he’s very considerate and funny, I think he’s the one who’s treating me nice even though I supposed to be the host, he helps out a lot and good company to be around. He sometimes misplaces my things like moving plates to a higher shelf when he knows I can’t reach it there without his help and he cracks terrible jokes that I secretly like very much and Cookie is the apple of my eye already, I think he listens to me more than he listens to Jin at this point (there might be a tiny connection that I often give him special treats during his owner's absence) and I found it hilarious as he sulks on the couch calling his dog a ’traitor’ when he decides to rest his head on my lap instead of Seokjin’s.

Little things like that make me like Seokjin more and more with each passing day.

”I’m treating him just fine mom he said he gained weight since his arrival blaming it on me, don’t worry and enjoy the holidays with dad, after all, it’s the first time that you two could celebrate with just him after so long.”

”Will do darling. I hope you’ll have a wonderful time as well I know that finals were stressing you out so I hope that you are able to relax now.” We deemed the conversation finished after wishing each other happy holidays again and for once I feel like I can mean my words as I feel relaxed around a certain someone.

”Want to place the star on top?” Jin shoved the decoration piece in front of my face whilst I placed food on the coffee table to feast upon as we watch classic Christmas movies until we can’t keep our eyes open since it’s the first day of Christmas.

”I’m not stepping on that ladder you fixed, it looks like a death trap.” Eyeing all the nails and patches on the poor thing.

”If it can hold my weight so can yours.” Jin states the facts, placing the star into my opened palm with a mischievous grin. ”I’ll hold you so don’t be a baby and decorate with me, it’s not as fun doing it alone.” That pout, dangerous and he knows that I can’t possibly say no to that when he asks me so nicely with that adorable full lips of his.

”If I fall I’m dragging you with me, just saying.” I keep our eye contact to get my point across with a meaningless glare, the corners of my lips twitch to morph into a smile hearing his happy chuckles using that moment to turn to the ladder taking the first step up the stair the scent of Jin’s aftershave hit my sensitive nose feeling his hands curve around my hip squeezing my sides to reassure me he’s here to catch me. I can blame my wobbly legs because of the shaky ladder or on my fear of high places but I can’t fool myself that the delicate shake that overpowers my body is because of the excitement I feel as I daydream about his hands on different parts of my body. It feels nice to be held by him.

”Hold on for deer life then.” A fond smile appears on my face hearing him laugh on the pun he just told me, forget my inner turmoil in the meantime placing the star to add the last piece before we declare it’s complete.

I almost can’t mask the look of disappointment I feel when he lets me go once my feet are planted on the ground the star placed on top.

”Told you it’s safe. I’m here to keep you in one piece, sugar.” His hand landing on the top of my head, caressing my hair for the time length of two outdrawn strokes before he lets his fingers fall beside his body to prop around his hips observing the tree with so much excitement that he failed to see my blush due to the pet name that probably just slipped out without any meaning behind it.

”No Cookie it’s not yours love.” I catch him before he can bite a big chunk out of our late night dinner as we’re not paying attention, it created an opportunity for him that he would’ve been foolish to disregard.

”Cheeky pretty thing just like his owner, huh?” It slips out as I pet Cookie’s head kneading the soft short furs around his ears that he knocks our heads together in beaming excitement because of the affection.

”Cookie really likes you Y/N.” The affectionate gaze he looks at me with knocks the air out of my lungs, it sounded like for a split second that he means he likes me too. Wishful thinking I remind myself before looking away clearing my throat to get things started plopping down onto the couch with a big huff leaving my lips.

”I’m starving, get your fat ass over here so we can watch Grinch.” I beam at him acting like his previous comment doesn’t hit hard as I pull my plate closer taking a bite out of the grilled chicken.

”How rude-olf of you!” He fakes his crocodile tears but as his ass hits the fluffy blanket nearly ripping my hot cocoa out of my hands it doesn’t seem like he’s feeling an ounce of hurt over my words. It’s silent for a while as we bash under the Christmas lights our faces illuminated by the tv munching on our food and sweets laid out before us Cookie resting on the rug near our feet.

”It’s been a while since I had such a nice Christmas.” Jin sighs burrowing his face onto my shoulder I can feel his breath fan over my skin the movie is long forgotten as I let his words sink in. Tired to fight the urge I tilt my head to rest it against his the moment appears to be too intimate for strangers let alone friends. ”You smell nice too.” I feel his nose around my neckline turning further into me as he inhales the scent of my hair, maybe it’s because it’s getting late but I let the feelings wash over me.

”Did you drink from my mother’s ’secret Santa’ labelled punch or something? I told you she’s a witch when it comes to alcoholic beverages.” I laugh lightheartedly and Jin follows suit hitting my left thigh when his laugh makes me laugh harder that results in my stomach twisting in pain from all the giggling even so as he starts to tickle me to take his revenge. He manhandles me with ease as he pins my wrists with one hand over my head ticking my torso with the other straddling my hip so he can restrict my squirming under him.

”You’re stronger! That’s not fair Jin.” I whine under his crushing weight, cheeks flushed from the exercise and his close proximity an innocent smile lits up his entire face as he regards me under his form, the Christmas lights are illuminated in his dark orbs creating a pretty image of him. Hair sticking to every questionable direction full lips stretched to house his angelic smile warm radiating from his body so close to mine.

I wish this moment could last forever.

”What are you thinking about?” Tilting his head in question he looks into my eyes with a fierce expression, I gulp not knowing to say the truth or come up with something on the spot. I decided it’s time for the truth.

”That I..” My sentence gets interrupted by Cookie’s barking I haven’t realised that he around the time we were occupied left his spot and watched us with curious eyes. He licked both of our faces as soon as he had the attention and Jin got up from the couch to pet him as Cookie nudged him with his nose to show him his empty bowl.

Maybe it’s a sign that I shouldn’t. Right. What was I thinking? Seokjin is never home he serves the country all the time, married to his work to the extent that he has no time left for himself, he doesn’t have the capacity to form a serious relationship with me and he’s probably not looking for love either.

It’s for the best that we separate after the new year.

 I formed a plan after almost confessing my love for him to avoid any other scenarios like this in the future, to be honest, I hated it but there’s no other way for me to get over him quickly even if my heart told me I should enjoy my little time left with him I choose to ignore his attempts at spending quality time with me.

If he asked for a movie night I told him I was busy or tired I took my meals to my room telling him that I need to pick up my studying schedule for the next semester, I had the most ridiculous reasons and I’m sure he figured me out after the second time I dismissed our plans and I can’t say seeing him hurt over my words and futile attempts at lying doesn’t felt like I was stabbed with a dozen knives into my heart.

I should have stopped myself before I got too deep because now I’m hurting both of us even if he’s only mourning for a lost friend.

A scratching noise interrupted the flow of my thoughts I tiptoe all the way to the door looking around before my eyes land on a restless Cookie. He reminds me so much of his owner but he normally stays with Jin I wonder what is he doing here scratching on my door. Is he out perhaps?

”What’s wrong? You seem sad.” I crouch to his level so I can caress his fur and his tail begin to wag instantly when I pull back Cookie grabs my sleeve with his teeth careful not to hurt me before he pulls me out of my room. I try to regain my footing but he pulls me harder until my door shuts behind my back.

”Cookie. What’s up with you suddenly?” I ask him even if I know there’s no reply to wait for I observe his body language before realisation lit up in my round orbs. ”You want me to follow you somewhere sweetheart?” Hearing that he let go suddenly making me lose my balance and collide with the floor cushioning the hit with my butt just like the first time I met him when he nearly run me over with excitement. He tumps his foot as he walks away hardly leaving enough time to catch up to him. He sits down in front of Seokjin’s door, or precisely the guest room he occupies for a short period I remind myself. My eyes soften after noticing it’s his way of showing that he doesn’t want us to part in bad terms. He’s smart.

I take in a deep breath mulling over if I should talk to Jin but looking at Cookie’s hopeful eyes I can’t possibly turn around and ignore this anymore. Jin deserves a better explanation than just accepting the fact one day I ghosted him.

I raise my hand to knock on his door when I hear his voice, he’s talking to someone over the phone since I didn’t hear the front door opening or closing that would mean we have a guest and I don’t think he would invite someone here without discussing it with me, no matter if we are in speaking terms or not.

”I don’t know what happened. I thought we are good but then the next day she didn’t want to do anything with me. I’m confused.” Is he talking about me? To whom? I know eavesdropping is bad but I can’t make my body pull away from the door as I listen intently. I don’t hear what the person from the other side says only Jin’s answers that I’m able to make out as I press my ear to the smooth surface.

”Of course I tried talking to her mom! What if I said or did something that made her hate me? I don’t want to leave like this, we had so much fun. I don’t want it to end this way.” Jin groaned frustratedly while listening to his mom, hearing his voice so worried and tense talking to his loved one about me that knows me very well, I feel ten times worse for ignoring him without giving him an honest explanation.

”I like her mom, but maybe it’s already too late.”

Retreating to my room in sheer panic when he cuts the line to afraid to be caught to rationalise the words I overheard. He likes me too.

All this time I thought that my feelings are not reciprocated whilst in reality I’m just a big coward, I hid behind the fabricated words that his profession is something that doesn’t sit well with me and he has no time to have a girlfriend, but I never tried asking what he wanted. If he wanted to give us a chance or not.

These thoughts plagued my mind until I fall asleep that night, however, tomorrow will be something different.

”Good morning.” I greet Seokjin as he walks out with only his sweatpants on eyes puffy from sleep, he’s so startled by my voice that he jumps at least five centimetres above the ground and the chuckle I let out witnessing his fright confuses him more.

”Uh, good morning.” He replies, at last, passing my form to pull out a mug probably for his morning coffee but I have his fill in my hand while mine is placed on the counter next to my hip. ”The ghost of Christmas visited you last night or something?” Jin watches my form suspiciously but accepting the steaming cup of coffee with a soft ’thanks’ rolling off of his tongue.

”Something like that. Can we talk?” I meet his gaze shyly picking up on my nervous habit as I nibble on my lower lip his eyes soften up.

”Yeah, let’s sit.” He prompts and I nod following his figure to the dining table where we sit on the opposite sides of it. We drink our beverages in peace for a few minutes before I lick my lips nervously opening my mouth to talk.

”I like having you here Jin. This Christmas with you was wonderful even your bad puns are surprisingly funny.” The man in front of me giggles at that, hearing that I had fun with him dismissed some of his insecurities and he looks more relaxed sitting before me sipping on his drink occasionally, waiting.

”I’m sorry for ignoring you it was very childish of me and you deserve an explanation. If I’m being honest you scare me.” His eyebrows shoot up at the mention and I’m eager to make things clear. I don’t want him to take my words literally. ”Or maybe it’s me. I don’t know. But what I do know is that I like you a lot. It scares me because you’re a soldier and you’re never home and I would be so worried wondering about if you are safe.”

”Even if I say all of that I couldn’t make myself to unlike you because you’re funny bad pun or not, caring and affectionate and too good for this world...I just really like you.”

Shying away from his intense stare I choose to observe the rim of my mug watching the dark liquid swirl in my cup when a finger tapped on my chin to look up. The brightest smile adorned Jin’s face that is so close our noses almost touch.

”I normally hate to say that our moms were right all along but right now I’m just glad that they made us spend this Christmas together.” Seokjin’s forehead knocks against mine as we laugh, nodding subtly to avoid more damage as my smile spreads wider I notice how Jin’s eye keeps looking between my eyes and lips and I can’t wait for him to finally reduce the short distance closing my eyes to fully appreciate his finger caressing my jaw, cupping my face letting our breaths entangle for a short second before I get to taste the coffee on his lips.