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#thoughts are welcome too tho!
ryllen · 2 years
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this PSA is brought to u, by first year farmer ・゚ *✧
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I Am Being Held Hostage. Send Help.
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strawglicks · 3 months
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trio ive been brainrotting about
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dxxtruction · 3 months
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Sooooo, Armand did tamper with Louis memories but my next question is why? I find 'he wanted to manipulate him' a bit crass of a read; lacking. That's not to say he hasn't, or that he'd be so dense to not know that he had, rather that this wouldn't be what motivates him. So, what does, and why did he do it?
Suppose it's easiest to start with the core of it, which is that most anyone typically acts out of a need to cling to (or run from) some sense of self or identity, especially when it's called into question. We have to reckon with how others see us just as much as we have to reckon with how we see ourselves. Grappling with finding relation to the changing and unchanging facts about ourselves - the total amalgamation of what makes us 'us' - comes with an interplay of inner and outer perceptions surrounding everything we do, or seem to do in both these eyes. Armand is called into question by Louis. And from what we know of his character is that his identity is heavily internally clung to two things: A necessity for having control, and a desperate need to be loved.
It's important that how those manifest in him is deeply rooted in the traumas he's faced (Which he wants to run away from in the form of seeking and identifying with said control/love. Even at the expense, knowingly or not, of replicating those cycles). So, it's like he's living in near constant response to it. Leaving him without much else to find identity in.
And loss of identity directly feeds into his traumas as well, it being one of them, done repeatedly. Making the process of having any ambiguity on part of how another views him - particularly from those he cares deeply about the opinions of, especially on matters of love - difficult to accept, and easy to deny. In other words: he needs whatever sustained self image he can hold on to, so struggles identifying with the truth about Louis' feelings about him being so opposed. Upon question, he can't accept what not being loved would do to that image and finds himself seeking the comfort of living in denial.
So, I'd say that then could explain most of it. Being motivated to maintain certain perceptions in the form of tampering with memory: the means through which said perceptions are perceived. Making everyone live in this denial with him also appealing to his controlling. Thus returning this sense of self back to him in both aspects. The emotional wound does explain (not forgive) why he takes to it in the way he does.
But let's go deeper, because there's more to the very situation (1973) as to why. Why would Armand go out of his way to tamper with Louis memory as well, when they'd already reached a kind of conclusion that does appear to keep their companionship? What, to his mind, called for it given the situation?
Harkening back to above, Armand defines himself around Louis in a major way. Louis is his love, is his need to be loved. There's a developed co-dependancy between them. They're at such point both exploiter and exploited in this. His happiness, is Armand's happiness, is reason enough to preserve it in a way that is agreeable. And that agreement is a tricky one to play a balance with, like they honestly shouldn't be together after Paris, but this goes without saying. It's been on Armand, mostly, to make this relationship work. (And even if it was mostly one of a lot of a denial, I like to imagine there are large periods where it has, and they've lived a relatively normal relationship, had this 'dreamy balance' or it simply wouldn't have lasted so long - with or without mind fuckery).
He wants it most too, which is how Louis is able to have some control over Armand. Control in how Louis ability to love him is very conditional and rests a lot on Armand's ability to satisfy, gratify, console, and control Louis for his own protection - despite knowing he'll never make up for Paris he does everything to earn Louis anyway. So could Armand have chosen to do this to be perceived as someone able to earn it still? That's one option. Very plausible.
Louis has a complicated love for Armand, it's there and isn't, but he also can get from Armand whatever he can squeeze out of him, and in this past he takes heavy advantage of it. As Armand is susceptible to his own much greater necessitation to be loved by him, making him go out of his way to do this 'earning'. However, as had been revealed, for Armand this is played up in part to uphold for Louis' perceptions that he really has that much power over him.
Because what we also have to factor in is Armand's other aspect - control. The line, 'Armand preserves my happiness even when I can't or wont. He had a hunch you might prove useful in later times', is rehearsed in much the same way this entire dynamic is one of great rehearsal. It's practiced, or it would be chaos.
There's certainly a part of Armand that likes being in the submissive role too, he likes what comes with it, but he can't be in total service to Louis, and Louis can't be without rules - or there's no control. Rules, roles, scripts, are very important to Armand, they're a way to facilitate a controlled setting, and he's really the one to enforce the parameters of what those are more so than Louis is. See; when Louis breaks from these things of agreement, what Armand normally gives him goes away.
I picture Louis as like the playwright of the relationship - the one facilitating everything - while Armand seems to then stage direct everything about it, sometimes secretly. In this way, Armand places himself as moreso being the one to meet his own satisfaction, gratification, consolation, and control (he has more overall power here in a duel sense) than Louis. Louis own meeting of these things still factor into it, though. Remember; his happiness, is Armands happiness, is his role to maintain so the play will keep writing itself. The curtains would close on their relationship otherwise.
This is the 'balance' of agreement between them, and again, it's entirely likely such balance just could not be maintained were those memories to stay as they were, almost like the jig is up. There's a factor here of Armand probably catching that Louis wouldn’t be comfortable in this relationship knowing more apparently Armand had so much more power over him this whole time. He knew, of course, but in their roles they could forget. This switch up in dynamics over those few days revealed the imbalance of things, a truth about it, and those needed to be masked back up. Theatre.
But let's explore some other ideas too.
I would first repeat myself in more context, Armand tampers with the script for the express purpose of preservation - of its dynamics, its roles, its rules, and of Louis. Nothing has the ability to change if nothing happened and Armand perhaps wanted to go on as if nothing really did - again there's denial. Armand finds reason in preservation to remove those memories. Preservation of Louis is in several ways preservation of himself, is preservation of their companionship. A companionship which is what he defines himself through - his love, his control.
But tacked onto this there's also this protecting Louis from himself - from the knowing of what he did (the arguing, the attempt, and what came after) and why it all happened. This is maybe Armand's way of going about excusing it? But, he probably does think this is to an extent true. He does think he's protecting him with this, preserving his happiness. There's an argument to be made that Louis wouldn't be alive without Armand acting in this way. That, hypothetically, the reminder would be fuel to attempt again, so perhaps there's merit to this excuse. It is ultimately still an excuse though. It's still a fucked up form of protection. One that can't actually allow Louis to move past into healing from the actual causes of things. Or Armand for that matter.
Removing those memories could also be because of a remorse on his part, Armand's regretful role in how he acted during all of it. He doesn't want to be remembered that way. Yet again with identity, and with denial. This isn't the image of who he wants to be. This isn't how he would paint himself.
Armand in this stage director role also just has a tendency to do that - and edit himself out. It'd not be shocking that such a heightened situation would call for heightened dramatics. I don't see Armand taking it to this extreme as being a common thing, this could've been the only time too. That we can't actually say for sure is the terrifying part, the potential is always still there once you know its there. (and the point was never to know it's there).
There's a part of me that wants to say that pairing the 'cut' with Daniel's isn't without it's place in this either. It seems pointed. Armand's jealousy of Daniel over Louis preferring him motivating removing any memory that he ever did have reason to find Daniel so favorable, let alone bond deeper with him over those days. He was making sure further contact was unlikely to happen? Compliant willingness for it now could be a matter of knowing it's a lot safer to do so. Louis seems in a lot better place than he was. Armand can't really say no at this point. And he couldn't tell him why it ever would've been dangerous to begin with, just be extremely on guard about the whole thing.
Really, there's not an easy answer to it that we can point to and say: it's this one. I wouldn't be surprised if it was all these things building to a list of reasons, and more than the one's I've listed. Ends up with more pros than cons? But there could also be hardly calculation at all and it's a purely emotional choice, coming from an emotional place.
A very damaging choice, regardless, among several other damaging choices, and it's one I think can be read with all this nuance without mitigating that. I hope it's been clear I'm not trying to. Intentions don't = impact. Investigation into the intentions doesn't take away from that.
I'm very interested to see how it all plays out, how they handle this on the impact side of things. If they'll actually give more of an answer. Rolin says some interesting things here: x. That alludes to how they're going to address this whole thing about memory - it's monstrous quality - with some of the same nuance I've given. And how a blanket statement on blame, and who did what, isn't where this kind of conversation will end up going.
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cargoshortsenjoyer · 10 months
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This is Herbert West about to experiment on Jeffrey Combs. The concept originally came from @heliojip on here. He hasn't released his image yet though.
I had begun jokingly brainstorming how Jeffrey Combs would react if he was transported into the Reanimator universe and met Herbert. I think he'd escape with his knowledge of how horror movies work and how to act if you wanna be the survivor, and then go eat some keebler fudge magic middles (discontinued). Then Herbert would find him and Jeffrey would have to make up a reason why they look so similar, and he'd tell him that he was his REAL biological dad; the sperm donor to his actually adoptive father. Anyways if you want more of this headcanon tell me, it was fun
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melodythebunny · 11 months
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@no-name-blu (tagged bc you've helped me with her costume XD)
reboot au belongs to @bloodrediscream
Alt in the undercut
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pepperpixel · 1 year
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Hello everyone!!! It is aberration odium art dump time!!! Featuring!! wild tonal shifts! Cuz the first page of art I drew more recently.. but then I also had some tetack n somnix pics I hadn’t posted yet from when I was working on there playlists! So! I’m posting them all together! Even if it does cause emotional whiplash lmao
#aberration odium#homestuck#fantroll#fan troll#fantrolls#xylona#dessie#caiddo#tetack#somnix#Srry the first page is basically just dessie x caiddo. w 1 love xylona lol#they’re fun to draw!!!! give me comfort… lil in love blorbos..#I actually drew some solo caiddos too! cuz I’ve realized. I have not drawn very many nice pics of him on his own.#and I wanted to try and rectify that. but! those are all traditional. and I don’t feel like cleaning them up yet.. eventually!!#eventually I will. just not today#’hey pepper have u watched Fionna and cake yet?’ no I have not….. welcome to my twisted fucking mind… this is my curse#I hate… fucking watching anything lol. like I have to be in the right zone mood for it.. and I just haven’t felt like it yet lol#I WILL THO. I will eventually… just not rn lol#it’s funny. cuz at first I thought it was just a thing I did when other ppl wanted me to watch something#but no!!! IM THE ONE WHOS EXCITED ABOUT AND WANTS TO WATCH THIS SHOW. AND I STILL DONT FEEL LIKE IT.#like wtf is wrong w my brain ghghg. I’m procrastinating watching something that I WANT TO WATCH#I’ll get around to it eventually tho. probably soon. I’m gonna be cat sitting in a few days so I’ll have a lot of free time then#so I’ll def get around to it#until then tho!! pls enjoy this art of me and my friends homestuck ocs lol#doodles#*1 LONE xylona. not love lol… spelling is hard..#blood#death#character death#I rlly should have put those in a diff photoset they r SO TONALLY DIFFERENT. like it’s like ‘wooo chibi fun times!!’ then ‘u killed him..’
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lrdvyke · 4 months
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all verses are up, finally. my carrd is complete
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high-guardian-herbs · 8 months
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Alright so for now I’ve got the elves lore in my new notebook, tho I’m not sure if it will be used or not, but it’s still important so that I could understand how their culture works or something
Also still no sure what to do with the language barrier, I’ll just continue going forward till it becomes an issue and try to solve it then.
By the way just finished listening to 36 questions musical/podcast and wow I’m not sure what to say but I needed to say something
+ can someone please tell me how can I fix the resolution for the art?? Why is it so pixelly
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my-fall-from-grace · 4 months
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hmmm checo having a two year extension is strange to me but i haven’t sorted all my thoughts out yet
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incelsyd · 15 hours
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casually thinking of how natural it is to humans to so easily reject and feel utter discomfort and disgust at something like pedo/zoophilia (rightfully so) to the point that, even the idea of a non-offending zoo/pedo makes us still feel disgust and rejection towards the person. Even as they had the chance to go to therapy and deal with it and never offend in their life, it is two subjects so extremely hard to tackle and have mercy for because of it's inhumane and repulsive nature. It's bittersweet to me, because even i am affected by this natural bodily rejection and disgust, even though it's absolutely moral for me to feel like that. If they haven't offended, aren't they just incredibly damaged people who deal with those immoral, intrusive thoughts? I don't know. And i think i'll never entirely accept someone with those philias due to that fact alone. It will never not intrigue me and make me feel repulsed, and nothing will ever take that away.
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dppldualiesmain · 1 year
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necrotic-nightshade · 3 months
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I can't tell if it makes me feel better or worse that I wasn't the only person who was failed and fucked over by the administration of my old school.
I'm glad I dropped out. And I'm glad I can finally say I was right about those cunts.
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ARI THE BINGO THING IS SO CUTE?? if you’re still doing them can you do one for me :33
RHEYAAAA MY BELOVED :3333 here is a big cup of warm tea for you … pls have a seat 🍵 I AMMM STILL DOING THEM here is yours hehe!!!
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mcgilou · 5 months
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darkdragon768 · 5 months
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It's the mid of the month again. You know what that means!
Time to visit that retro video game store!
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