#thought of this in response to everyone hating the beach aesthetic

[dearreader]

maggie and milly and molly and may - e.e. cummings // Out Of The Woods - Taylor Swift

[jungkxook]

—midnight getaway. (m)

⟶ pairing: jung wooyoung x fem!reader 

⟶ genre: sprinkle of youtuber!wooyoung + fluff / smut

⟶ words: 6,488

⟶ rating: 18+ 

⟶ summary: a “romantic” getaway surrounded by your friends leads to an interesting night alone with wooyoung

⟶ warnings: pwp, wooyoung says baby a lot bc he’s in love, some teasing woo, exhibitionism, doggy style, sort of praise kink, ass play (fingering, fem!recieving), breast play/fondling, finger sucking, riding, unprotected sex, creampie 

⟶ note: this is the first fic i’ve written in a while and my first ateez fic no one come for me pls also this is dedicated to the lovely @kithtaehyung​ !! thank you for always encouraging me and my wooyoung antics!! 💛

p.s. this is shamelessly inspired by this wooyoung selfie!!

“Ugh. You obviously like her.”

The begrudging sigh comes from Yeosang, narrowly giving Wooyoung a heart attack when he realizes that you’re still within earshot. This wouldn’t have been so much of an issue had Yeosang not been so clearly talking about you to Wooyoung, though he barely has any time to recollect himself. Instead, sprawled out on the poolside of the villa the group had rented out for their week-long vacation in Jeju Island, Wooyoung firstly decides that he has no idea what Yeosang’s talking about.

“We’re just friends,” Wooyoung retorts.

“A friend you invite with you on a romantic getaway?” Yeosang asks with a wolfish grin.

Wooyoung shakes his head. He can still see you through the windows of the villa, now in the kitchen talking to Hongjoong. You’re all bright-eyed and glowing from the sun, in a swimsuit you had been putting to use just a few minutes ago when you took a dip in the pool. “Some romantic getaway, considering there’s seven idiots in the same house as us. Also thought this trip was meant to have no distractions.”

Which isn’t really a lie, because while their trip to Jeju was mostly for their YouTube channels, it was also meant to serve as a well-deserved break for the boys, and their leisure work of choice wasn’t exactly taxing and the majority of their trip so far has been spent simply enjoying themselves. Hongjoong had been so adamant too that there would be nothing to hinder them during their well deserved break. And of course you jumped at the offer to tag along when Wooyoung asked you, because you were his best friend but, moreover, his best supporter when it came to his passion and his videos.

“Yeah,” San hums nonchalantly from within the pool. He had been one of the few to jump in with you earlier, “but I don’t think friends flirt with each other on a daily basis.”

“Not to mention your video was all about her,” Jongho adds from beside Wooyoung. “I thought we were supposed to be promoting tourism in Jeju, not Y/N.”

That was a bit of an exaggeration. Sure, you had featured in a lot of the video Wooyoung had only just posted for his “Our Side of the Story” series he was doing (mostly daily vlogs, or aesthetic short films that you’ve always loved ━ much like the others, who have found a way to incorporate their love for music, dance, cooking, and everything in between in their vlogs), but you always made an appearance when you were so close with him. His viewers were used to it by this point, safe for the occasional questioning comments as to whether or not you two were dating. This video in particular saw you having the most fun in a while, frolicking the streets of the city, sprinting across the beach into the shallows of the ocean to try and splash Wooyoung with water; shaved ice shared between you and him and the way you snuck a bite of his when he was preoccupied, bike rides along the waterfront, and clambering along hiking trails so you could pose in a field of flowers that you had so desperately wanted to see.

Now, Wooyoung gives a roll of his eyes. “Funny. I don’t know what you guys are talking about.”

“Yeah, sure,” Yeosang sighs again. “When are you gonna tell her the truth?”

“The video already kind of did,” Jongho points out tauntingly. “If I was Y/N, I would have already realized.”

“Yeah━” San is beaming now as he clambers out of the pool, “but if you don’t want her, Woo, can I make a pass at her? Y’know, just to help take her off your hands━ Ow! What the hell?”

San jumps suddenly when Wooyoung chucks one of the pillows off of the lawn chair at his head.

“Keep your hands off her━” Wooyoung chastises. It’s meant mostly as a joke, but he worries when he recognizes a small part of him seems to care a little too much.

The others seem to find it funny at least, erupting into howling laughter that’s quick to fade when you wander back out to the pool and throw yourself next to Wooyoung.

“They’re definitely starting to catch on.”

Wooyoung lets out a weary sigh, though you’re starting to find it difficult to focus as he continues to kiss down your throat.

So, maybe if any of the boys walked in and saw the both of you in such a compromising position, they would be indescribably confused while also preparing to point an accusatory finger at Wooyoung for technically lying to them. But it isn’t really a lie, and certainly not one neither he nor you were keen on keeping for very long. It’s just that it seemed a whole lot easier to keep your newfound two month relationship with Wooyoung a secret for a small while.

It was mostly to give the both of you enough time to enjoy yourselves thoroughly without the prying eyes of your friends (who, while always supportive, are already passionately invested in your lifelong friendship with Wooyoung, pointing out his feelings for you even far before he could decipher them), their vlogging lifestyle, and their fans, while also waiting for the proper time to expose the truth. After the Jeju trip, you had both promised each other. But that plan was beginning to look more and more faulty as time passes.

What was supposed to be an innocent trip to Jeju with your friends turned into a tricky game in which Wooyoung had entirely different plans that consisted of you only. Specifically, how many times he can find you alone away from the boys to have his way with you. By now, night has since fallen and, after a short duration of time unwinding around a small bonfire in the backyard, the boys had all since retreated to their own rooms. You’re positive most are already long asleep and the ones that aren’t are beginning to nod off, exhausted after a long day and drowsy with liquor from the night of drinking. You’re fortunate Wooyoung at least first chose to find you alone in your room of the villa, but you still panic. Because Wooyoung should be sleeping in his shared room with Hongjoong down the hall from yours, yet here he was.

“My video today probably didn’t help,” Wooyoung adds. 

You hum in response. “I don’t know if sneaking into my room will help with that either.”

At this, Wooyoung grins wide. “It’s fine. Hongjoong’s passed out cold. You should hear his snores. Plus━” He presses a kiss to your shoulder. “I couldn’t sleep without wondering how quickly you can cum.”

You nearly choke as you hear the words fall from Wooyoung’s mouth.

But it wasn’t his fault ━ he has needs too.

The first night of your trip called for a joyous celebration at a nearby restaurant that resulted in everyone being blissfully drunk by the time you returned to the villa. You had gotten so dressed up for the occasion that Wooyoung hated to see it go to waste, adorned in a pretty floral sundress ━ one that has always been his favourite (and, no, he promises that’s not solely because of how nice your boobs look in it, though that’s definitely a plus). If the boys could hear his thoughts now, they’d certainly pick him apart.

The house, however big and spacious it may be, is certainly not empty. Even just next door to your room is the shared room both Mingi and San are in. This is a fact you choose to remind your dear boyfriend of now. “The boys are sleeping.”

“Screw the guys,” Wooyoung groans into your neck. His strong arms slide around your middle from behind, pulling you into an all too familiar and warm embrace. He’s caught you just before you can shed your dress and slip into something more comfortable, all radiant and shimmering from a day out in the sun. You melt almost immediately against his chest as he nibbles on the skin just below your ear, on the corner of your jaw. He whispers ardently, “You look really pretty today. You always do, but especially today.”

A gentle smile spreads across your face. You instinctively reach out behind you to rest your hand on the nape of his neck, fingers tugging at the hair there. “I wore this dress just for you. I know it’s your favourite.”

“Yeah, because your tits look amazing in it,” he snickers. As if to emphasize this, he reaches down slyly to cup one of your breasts over the material of your dress, giving it a squeeze.

“Well, now you’re just trying to distract me into bed with you.”

“Is it working?” he asks hopefully, a smug grin on his face.

You snicker, fidgeting in his hold to face him and patting at his shoulder. “Maybe if we weren’t surrounded by a group of seven drunk men who could potentially hear and walk in on me sucking you off at any moment.”

But Wooyoung has already waited all day for the boys to leave you two alone. Waiting any longer may as well have felt like an eternity in a certain type of special hell that he wasn’t exactly keen on.

“And?” A sudden smirk stretches across his face. He leans in close to you, lips brushing faintly against your ear. “You didn’t have a problem letting me fuck you against the practice room mirror the other day.”

You swat lightly at his chest, scoffing suddenly. “Wooyoung!”

But he has a point. In all fairness, it had been his idea to take you against the practice room mirror when the boys had gone home and you were dropping off food to your poor boyfriend still working late at night. You certainly hadn’t complained then when he had you coming around his cock with the practice room door left unlocked. It’s such a Wooyoung thing to say too, being that he’s not often caught off guard, especially when he’s so blatant and confident about all things sex.

“Can’t you keep it in your pants for one night, Woo?”

“No, he’s in pain,” he pouts childishly. He bites playfully at the tip of your nose.

You sputter for air, dissolving into a fit of laughter. “You did not just call your dick a he━”

“Okay, I’m in pain,” he corrects. He starts kissing down and back up your neck. “It’s not my fault you look extra hot today. Besides, you looked like you were having so much fun today. Is it so wrong for me to want to keep pampering my beautiful girlfriend?”

“With your dick?”

“Yes, with my dick.”

You snort.

“And━” He drags out the word purposely, a playful twinkle in his eyes. “I don’t even want you to suck me off, by the way. All I want is to fuck you senseless right now.”

Oh.

His words send a nerve right down to your core. Your thighs instinctively press together at the thought.

All things considered, you’re not any better. There was no denying how devastatingly attractive your boyfriend always looked, but especially today. A well-deserved break and the Jeju sun did him well, with a beautiful tan starting to glow on his face, free of any make-up or cover-ups. The usual stress of city life and work doesn’t weigh heavy on his brows anymore, and though his hair has gotten longer, it’s a neat and pretty mess ━ a little unruly from the sun and chlorine, and from having taken it down from its half-ponytail, but pretty nonetheless ━ with the under half of it bleached blonde and the top half dyed black. Dressed in nothing but a casual old t-shirt and a pair of board shorts, he’s both wholesomely cute and yet sexy at the same time.

And, while you are surrounded by a group of rowdy boys, Wooyoung isn’t necessarily wrong. He always seems to have a knack for making anything romantic enough if he tries, attributed to his charming ways. A night of lovemaking (or whatever he has in mind) in your room with a beachside view is, all things considered, kind of romantic.

You purse your lips now. “Think they’re all asleep?”

“With how wasted they are? Absolutely,” Wooyoung says brightly. “I tripped over a shoe in our room and Hongjoong didn’t even move.”

It’s risky, sure, but the sudden yearning to be with Wooyoung was almost debilitating. There was no doubt you could both get away with having sex in a packed house, right? Either way, it doesn’t really seem to matter. You’ve already been persuaded, and Wooyoung knows.

He pulls you in for a kiss and you let him get carried away for a moment, reveling in the way he needily nips and sucks at your lower lip. Then, finding a second of clarity, you can be heard saying against his mouth breathlessly, “We’ll have to be quiet.”

“Mmm,” he hums distractedly. “So quiet.”

But that was like asking Wooyoung not to breathe. It’s this passing thought, and the way he pulls and tugs you over to sit on his lap as he sinks onto the edge of the bed in a desperate haste, that has you giggling. He leaves a trail of sloppy kisses down to the underside of your jaw and then along your throat.

You tug at the hair at the nape of his neck as you begin to rut your hips against his slowly. “You look really handsome today, baby. It’s nice seeing you so relaxed for once.”

His stare meets yours suddenly, all sparkling and awed. He grips your waist and presses you a little more firmly against his hips so you can feel his semi-hard dick against your inner thigh. “Ugh,” he sighs, “say that again and I’ll bust a nut right here and now.”

Another giggle meets his ears, but this time it’s a little less focused as it splinters off into a whimper the longer you continue to grind against him. You decide to humour him. “I saw your vlog. It was pretty.”

He audibly whines now, his heart threatening to burst through his chest. “Yeah? I worked hard on it.”

“Is that how you see me?” You think back to the video and how you looked, the soft music overlapping it all.

“Yeah,” he deadpans, “like that piece of washed up kelp you tried throwing at me today━”

“You’re so━”

“I’m joking. Of course that’s how I see you, but that’s only a fraction of what you look like to me. A camera doesn’t do you justice.”

“So you think I’m pretty?” You snicker.

“So pretty.” He kisses you again, this time a little more earnestly. He sighs dreamily against your lips, “No, actually. If my dick isn’t in you in the next minute, I’m gonna go insane.”

A delighted simper sounds from you. “Don’t even have to cum, just as long as you do━”

Your jaw drops open as you find an angle that has you pushing your clit against his clothed dick just right. But even though you had so innocently offered to only get him off, part of the fun was seeing how quickly and how many times he could make you cum before finishing himself off. You deserve it, after all.

“God, you’re such a good girl,” he moans. He takes a moment to appreciate you in your current state. You, straddling his lap, eager hips moving against his with your brows pinched in concentration, the pretty material of your dress hiking up around your thighs. He reaches down, palms rough as they grip at the soft flesh of your thighs. “Look at you, already so needy for me. It’s so fucking sexy.”

Wooyoung fidgets beneath you. He burrows his face in the crook of your neck, nipping at your throat.

“How do you want me first, princess?” he asks sweetly now, peppering kisses along your throat, tongue soothing the marks he’s left behind. “Want my fingers in you?”

“N-No━” You croak. “Just wanna feel your dick.”

Excitement prickles at the tips of his fingers as he massages circles against your hips. “In your mouth or in you?”

“In me,” You rasp. “Now. Please, Woo━”

He marvels for a moment at how he’s so stupidly in love with you and your pretty words despite them having such dirty implications, and he hastens to please you. A wolfish grin tugs at his lips as he smothers them against your mouth, but then the giddy sensation of finally getting to have his cock buried in your walls overcomes him. He murmurs into a wet kiss, “As much as I love this dress, let’s get it off of you.”

He hastens to help you shove the straps of your dress down your shoulders, then off your arms. Then, he watches as you stand up to shimmy your way out of it, the material pooling at your feet, exposing your figure and the fact that you’re not even wearing a bra. The swell of your breasts meets his eyes first, and you’ve barely just kicked your way out of your panties when he’s pulling you onto his lap again, warm mouth latching onto one of your breasts. His lips wrap around your nipple, teeth nibbling on the sensitive bud. He can’t seem to get enough, moving to bite and suck at the soft flesh all over, shifting from one to the other, then down the valley of your breasts. A moan falls from your lips, hands pulling harshly at his hair as you push him further into your chest.

“Wooyoung…” You whine. “We gotta be quick.”

Though he wants nothing more than to mark up your chest all over, he relents only when he remembers that the boys are nearby. “Okay, okay━ Here━”

He grabs at your waist, shifting you around until you’re on your back splayed out beneath him. Towering over you, he pushes the material of his shorts down, pulling his aching dick from the tight confinements. Your eyes fall to the way he fists himself hurriedly, tip all red and glistening with precum, and the one prominent vein bulging along his length. You bite at your lip, legs instinctively spreading wider for him.

“Are we really gonna do this?” he asks, excited. “With the guys here?”

“Think it’s too late to ask when we’re both already naked,” You giggle. You remind him again, this time a little weaker, “Just remember to be quiet.”

He hums in response. Then, he teases you by running the length of his hard dick against your slick folds, already dripping with slick arousal.

“God, baby,” he groans, “you’re so wet already.” He taps the tip of his cock against your pussy, the sudden jolt sending your head spinning. As he rubs himself on you, the sticky wetness glides along the prominent vein of his length and spreads messily out to the top of your inner thighs. “Did I do all this to you?”

“Woo, no teasing,” You chastize in a small whine. A shiver runs down your spine at the feeling, and you hate having to resist all his teasing touches. “What if someone tries coming in?”

He flashes you a shit-eating grin. “Let them. If it’s Seonghwa, even better. I can finally get payback for when he purposely ate some girl out on my bed.”

You snort lazily, stifling your giggles. “Focus, baby.”

“I am focused,” he says smugly. He emphasizes this by pressing his dick a little harder against your folds, teasing the tip of it against your entrance. “With you spread out like this for me, all sexy━ Fuck, I’m so focused.”

But what he doesn’t tell you is that the thought alone of one of the boys walking in on the both of you is enough to excite him to no end. He can imagine it now, one of them wandering into the room while you’re writhing beneath Wooyoung, taking his dick so well, moaning nothing but his name. He yearns to feel you all at once, hurrying to please you.

Without warning, he pushes himself into you, cock stretching you wide in just the way you both like. Almost immediately, low gasps and groans sound from the both of you.

“Ah, f-fuck! Woo━” You smother your sudden cries with a hand clamping over your mouth.

“Shit, I know,” he sputters for air. His voice is heavy in your ear, a low grunt only for you to hear. “You feel so fucking good, baby━”

His head is swimming even just at the way your walls wrap around his tip so snug. He pushes himself into you the rest of the way, bottoming out with a sudden forceful and indulgent thrust when━

The headboard slams against the wall, exceptionally loud.

“Fuck, Wooyoung━ Woo━” You grip at his arms. “The bed.”

His eyes meet yours, stunned momentarily as you wait and listen. A minute passes, but the house continues to remain silent.

“It’s okay. Even if they do hear, it’s not as if they probably won’t know what we’re doing,” Wooyoung points out, matter-of-fact. “We haven’t exactly been very careful lately.”

“Still,” You insist. Your walls throb around his hard dick, desperate for some sort of movement. “It’ll give me some peace of mind.”

His heart swoons at your timidness, and though he has fun teasing you, he would never actually want to risk getting caught by one of the boys (however many close calls he’s already had with you) or, worse, upsetting you to the point of no return.

In the next moment, Wooyoung pulls out of you, then pushes back in again, this time less forceful. He swears he tries to be wary of the bed and of making too much noise but, much to both of your dismay, while the frame doesn’t bang against the wall too noticeably, the bed still creaks beneath you.

Wooyoung grits his teeth. He tries again, then one more time, and though your head lolls back at the sensation of him stretching you wide, you meet his gaze with your own apprehensive hazy one. Even Wooyoung’s patience is wearing thin when all he wants to do is tear you apart ━ that, and the slight creak of the bed is enough to start driving him insane.

“Fuck this,” his pace stutters to a halt, “let’s get on the floor. Can you get on your hands and knees for me, baby?”

“Good idea.” Your heart jolts in your chest from the excitement.

Within a matter of seconds, he’s parting from you, leaving you momentarily stunned at the loss of warmth. He helps you to your feet so that the both of you can sink to the floor on your knees. Before you can drop into all fours, Wooyoung stops you by reaching out for the blanket on the bed and tucking it underneath the both of you, but mostly to soften the ground underneath your knees. When he catches you surveying him with a fond gleam in your eyes, he quirks a brow.

“What? It’s just so you don’t get too uncomfortable,” he says sweetly, peppering a few kisses along your shoulder. “Is this good?”

“Amazing.” Your heart swells at all his gentle touches. You catch his lips on yours, faintly murmuring, “I love you. Like, so much.”

You can feel his grin against your mouth. “You know I love you too. And as much as I would also love to hear you go on about how I’m the most perfect boyfriend, I need to be in you right now.”

A pretty giggle meets his ears, and he marvels for a second how you’re so quick to oblige. Propping yourself up on your elbows, your ass juts out in his direction. You give it a little tempting wiggle, and he hurries to position himself behind you. With one hand on the small of your back, he guides you back down his length.

“Ah━ Fuuuck━” He moans. “Arch your back a little more for me, baby.”

You do as you’re told, leaning forward just enough on your elbows and sticking your hips back to meet his as he sinks balls deep into your core. Then, he’s crumbling apart, all breathy panting as he tries to focus.

“Shit, baby━”

“Mmm━”

“You’re so tight. So wet. I’m not gonna last,” he pouts, as if it’s a genuine disappointment. He watches as he pulls out of your heat just enough before shoving himself back in, his dick covered in a glistening sheen of your arousal. You’re so damn wet, he wonders how he hasn’t slipped from you yet. His hands grip and tug at your ass, spreading you to see the way your cunt pulsates and stretches around his dick. So perfect, almost as if you were made for him. “Tell me. Wanna hear how good you feel right now.”

“S-So good,” You mumble drunkenly. “God, you’re so good, Woo. Fuck━!”

His gaze droops down to your breasts, bouncing with each thrust of his hips into yours. He reaches around and grabs at one of your boobs. The gentle shake of the soft flesh in his palms is always his favourite feeling, and he can’t help but squeeze at them now because, god, he really does love your tits. If he had all the time in the world, he would do anything to fuck himself between your boobs, and cum all over your chest ━ but that will have to wait for now.

“Ah━ Fuck━ Wish I could take my time with you right now,” he moans, planting sloppy kisses along your shoulder. “I can’t wait till we’re alone. Gonna take care of you so well, baby.”

“Y-Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he grunts. He reaches down with his other hand, thumb pressing against the tight hole of your ass. The sensation alone is enough to have you nearly keeling over, a strangled cry of pleasure ripping from you. “Want you coming on my tongue so bad. Gonna fuck you against every surface too. You deserve it. You’re always so good to me, princess.”

“Only for you,” You whimper. If he wasn’t so pressed for time, the affirmation alone would have been more than enough to make him melt in your very hands. But his dick is still so hard, and your pussy is still so wet, all he can focus on is not slipping from your walls with every thrust of his hips. “Ah, Wooyoung! Y-You’re so━ So hard━”

You bite harshly at your lip when a loud moan threatens to spill from you. You bury your face in the blanket around you, clutching so tightly at the material. A part of Wooyoung finds it amusing, if only because, if the boys are awake and don’t hear your lewd moans, there’s no doubt they won’t be able to hear the sound of skin against skin as his hips slap against your ass.

“Let me hear you, baby,” he coaxes now. “Moan out loud for me.” When you shake your head, he snickers. “Want it harder? Will that help you?”

He gives an experimental roll of his hips, a little rougher than usual. It sends you teetering forward, a broken groan tumbling from you that’s left muffled by the blanket. He can hear you mumble wantonly, “Don’t be a tease.”

A cheshire-like grin spreads across his face. “Here━ Come sit on my dick. Wanna feel you so deep━”

His words make you moan softly, followed by the way he pulls out of you just quickly enough to sit back against the bed. He tugs you onto his lap and you follow suit, spreading your legs further apart as you sink onto his leaking dick. Down, down, down, until it almost feels as if he’s hitting your cervix, and suddenly you’re not so sure you’ll be able to keep it together any longer. That, mixed with the way he’s gazing at you, all hooded eyed and alluring, you’re very close to dissolving into a mess right in his very arms.

“Ah━ Ah━ Fuck, baby━” You grip at his shoulders as you adjust to the new feeling, hips squirming above his. “Wooyoung, please━”

But your words fall short. The desperate plea that hinges in your voice fades into nothing more than the urgent need to feel more of him, to have him absolutely wreck you, as you begin to rock your hips back and forth on his dick.

“Please what, baby?” he taunts lazily. But he knows what he’s doing, slyly beckoning you to make a mess, and moan for him.

His palms are warm as they slide up your sides, then around your back, hugging you close to his chest. He thrusts his hips up just once into you, sending you into a haste that has you lifting yourself up and then back down his cock. As you adopt a steady and reckless pace that has you bouncing on his length, he watches your every reaction. The way your face contorts at the sheer pleasure, brows pinched so hard in concentration, teeth sinking into your lower lip. Your hands reach out to thread through his long locks, pretty blonde tresses running through the seams of your fingers. You tug lightly at the root, earning a low groan from him.

“Fuck, Y/N━” His head rolls back against the mattress at your quick pace. “You’re so fucking sexy━ So desperate for my dick━ Ah━”

He moans suddenly, only this time it’s less muffled than before. Whether he does it the first time to tease you or simply because he had gotten carried away, you aren’t quite sure. Either way, it’s enough to startle you, even amongst the daze you’re in.

“Wooyoung━” Your voice is a small warning, but it lacks any severity when it splinters into a whine. “Not so loud.”

“They’re━ Ah, fuck━ sleeping━”

You meet his mischievous stare with your own heedful one. Your pace slows, if only just, and you’re certain this time that when he moans even louder, it’s entirely on purpose.

“Woo!” You clamp a hand softly over his mouth, smothering the tail end of his crude groan.

The grin that forms on his face beneath your hand is evident of his amusement of his toying with you but it turns sluggish quickly. The sight to see is hot enough, with the drowsy lopsided smirk poking out from underneath your hand as he watches you continue to ride him, now a measured gyrating against his own hips. When he realizes you’ve chosen to keep your hand over his mouth, he reaches up to grab a hold of your wrist, his large fingers splaying out and then up over your knuckles.

“Come on, baby. It’s okay. Let it out,” he hums. He kisses at your fingertips, tongue swiveling around to suck on your digits delicately. “Not even one tiny moan? Let me hear that pretty voice of yours.”

He can feel your thighs begin to shake around him and, judging by the crescendoing of whimpers tumbling from your mouth, he senses you’re close. Your free hand still grips at his hair, this time a little tighter as you try to anchor yourself in place to rock your hips a little faster. Wooyoung hisses delightfully at the feeling, a small lethargic chuckle rumbling from deep within his chest.

Rough hands grab at your waist now, shifting you around abruptly until you’re splayed out on the floor on your back with him hovering over you. His length stays wedged snugly in your walls, never once slipping, and as he settles against your chest, he lifts one of your legs up and over his shoulder. An animalistic growl slips from him at your pinched face, and the way your cunt starts to squeeze around him. With this angle that his hips pound into yours, his cock hits so deep into your core, pummeling against your cervix again and again.

“H-Harder━ Wooyoung━” You pant. “Please━ I’m gonna━”

Finally, a moan sounds from you. Loud and unabashed, a little broken and exhausted, but beautiful to Wooyoung’s ears nonetheless. In fact, it’s so sexy of a noise that it’s enough to nearly push him over the edge but he relents, if only just for a little longer.

“Ah, there’s my favourite sound,” he smirks. His tongue lavs at the underside of your jaw, and your hand finds itself tangled in his hair once more. “Gonna be a good girl and let the boys hear you now?”

You try with all your might to silence yourself, but the task proves more and more difficult. A few more slams of his hips into yours, and you’re crumbling apart right before his eyes.

“Fuck━ Wooyoung━”

“That’s it, baby,” he grunts into your ear. “Cum for me.”

As you come, the sudden gush of wetness around your core coats his length and he almost accidentally slips from your cunt. You’re clenched so tightly around him, Wooyoung feels as if he has to gasp for air to stay focused. His eyes still stay trained on you, watching as your face contorts as you writhe beneath him. But it’s your shameless moaning that sets him off, albeit still softer than usual but much louder than he was expecting from you with the boys so close by.

“Ah━ You’re so fucking hot━” he whines. “Gonna cum━”

Every thrust of his hips sends you bobbing up and down, and as you come down from your high the pleasurable feeling of his hard cock still burrowed in your sensitive walls has you whimpering softly. Your legs try to separate further, beckoning him for more.

“Cum in me, Youngie,” you beckon dazedly. “Wanna feel it so bad━”

“Oh, fuck━” he gasps. “Can I?”

“Y-Yes.”

“You’re so good to me, baby. Aren’t you?”

His pace quickens, hips snapping into yours urgently. One final shuddering thrust and he’s overwhelmed by his orgasm, cock pulsating within your aching walls as his cum fills you up. He has to bury his face in the crook of your neck to muffle his moans, listening to the sharp gasp for air you take when you feel his release.

He rides out his high in a few more leisure rolls of his hips, though he seems more concerned now with kissing your throat slowly. He gently unravels your leg from his shoulder, then slumps against you like the comfortable heavy weight that he is. His dick lays softening still buried within your walls, now leaking with his cum.

“Have I ever told you how amazing you are?” You hear him sigh dreamily into your neck. “‘Cause you are.”

“Almost daily,” You concur with a giggle. Your own fingers smooth out his hair, fixing the messy strands, and he croons with delight. He leaves a trail of sweet kisses up along your throat, then your jaw, and then the corner of your mouth. Safe for the laboured breathing as you both try to calm your shrill hearts, you’re made aware so suddenly of just how quiet the room suddenly is. “There’s no way the guys slept through all of that.”

“I’m sure they did.” Wooyoung nibbles gingerly at your lip. “There’s nothing to worry about. Especially right now. I’m so tired. We can deal with the potential consequences later.”

You snort. “How did I know that’s exactly what you would say?”

You catch him smirking before he plants one last kiss on your lips. Somehow, he’s able to pry himself off of you long enough to slip into his shorts laying discarded on the floor before disappearing outside of the room into the darkened hallway. He returns moments later with a damp towel to help clean up the sticky mess between your legs, then tugs you back onto the bed with him.

“They’ll see you sneaking out of my room if you sleep here,” You point out through a yawn.

“I’ll get up before them,” he insists. “Just give me an hour with you, like this.”

You can’t resist the urge.

At the very least, you fall asleep first in his arms, his fingers playing with your hair. He must slip away from you at some point during the night, unraveling himself carefully from your sleeping figure to retreat to his own room. You’ll tell the boys eventually of your relationship with Wooyoung, you swear.

But for now, there, under the covers of the bed, you have all the time in the world to enjoy yourself with Wooyoung in pure, unadulterated silence.

In the morning when you wake up, you join your boyfriend with the rest of the boys downstairs in the kitchen for breakfast.

You’re the last to arrive, having wanted to take your time in the shower ━ a fact that Wooyoung laments, because he wanted nothing more than to shower with you to “save water” (which really just translates to more sex), but with only two bathrooms and nine people, the feat seemed impossible. Now, you sidle into the seat next to Wooyoung at the kitchen table, smiling down at him when his eyes flicker to you which seems to go unnoticed by the others.

“How was your night?” Yunho asks passively once you’ve settled into place. “Did you sleep well?”

You nod, as Wooyoung answers, “Best sleep of my life.”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” This amused offhanded scoff comes from San under his breath. It causes Mingi to almost choke on his sip of orange juice as he snorts into the glass.

“What was that?” Wooyoung asks.

“Oh, nothing,” San says. The smirk on his face says otherwise. “Thought we heard some loud noises last night. It was weird.”

Then there’s Mingi, leaning across the table to catch your attention alone. He shoots you a more merciful look, though he still seems entertained nevertheless when he whispers to you, “You have something on your neck.”

Your hand instinctively clamps onto your throat, over the spot Mingi points to as you mentally curse yourself. While you had been so preoccupied the night before trying not to make any noise, you forgot to warn Wooyoung against leaving any noticeable marks on your body ━ a bad habit of his, and your fatal mistake for forgetting to check the morning after.

The others are fortunately not paying attention, already absorbed in their own conversations, but the horror of so clearly being found out by San and Mingi sends you into a frenzy. It even seems to alarm Wooyoung judging by the way he starts laughing nervously, though maybe that’s because your knee bashes against his under the table and sends him jumping in his seat.

Clearly, you have a lot of explaining to do. Eventually.

The last thing you hear San say before he and Mingi howl with laughter seems to make even the charmingly confident Wooyoung slightly frazzled, and leaves you all the more confused.

“Some romantic getaway, huh?” 

⟶ All rights reserved to © jungkxook. I do not allow reposting, translating, or any sort of modifying and reuploading of my work.

⟶ Feedback is always appreciated!

[thorne93]

History Repeats (Part 15 - FINAL)

Prompt: Life’s hard, right? Well throw in a not so great job, a broken heart, and chasing a pipe dream in LA. But could someone come along to make all the bad shit disappear? Or is he just another heartbreak waiting around the bend?

Warnings: language, drug addiction, alcohol addiction, angst/heartbreak, adult themes (??)

Word Count: 2986

Note: Aesthetic made by @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo because she’s absolutely amazing Beta’d by @like-a-bag-of-potatoes​ and @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo . Brainstorming from @carryonmyswansong

**Song Inspiration: 13 beaches - Lana Del Rey; Hoodie - hey violet

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Seeing Hayden… it sent you back down to ground zero. You thought your coping mechanisms were helping. You thought surrounding yourself with so many people and friends every night was softening the blow of losing him. 

But you knew it didn’t. Deep down, you knew the day he left your home, you’d never be the same. You would still feel entirely alone in a room full of people. You’d still want to see him before falling asleep and when you woke up. You’d still want to hear his voice as you shared good news. You still wanted to feel his arms after a long day. 

Nothing you did was helping, and you realized it. 

With a lot of work, you kicked your habits. First to go was the coke. You ordered all your friends to never offer you any and if they saw you with it to take it away from you. It took a while, but eventually, you were able to sit right next to someone doing blow and it not phase you. 

Next, was the booze. That was a lot harder. It was easy to reach for a drink. It was easy to go to a bar. It was easy to open a bottle in your house. So you started there. You emptied every bottle and threw them out. You only ordered water and soda when you went out. 

Every step was hard. Turning down drugs and alcohol was hard, but with patience and work, you got better at just saying no. Each day you put between you and your habit was a day you got back. You got back to songwriting now that you could think clearly and drugs weren’t clouding your mind. 

New songs and works in your hands, Trey agreed to get you back in the booth to finish out your EP to a full album. The response to the EP was amazing and you were already getting a lot of recognition. As soon as the album was to hit, Trey worked with a manager to get you a US tour.

The EP evolved, you added so many songs they had to cut a few just to wait for your next one. You worked on album art and merch. Things were looking up, and finally, your album dropped. 

It was a huge hit.

Every platform it went on, it exploded. Almost as if overnight, you were the next star. You had radio interviews scheduled, shows booked, photography sessions scheduled, critics and fans alike agreed that there was so much raw emotion and talent that they all wanted more. Trey and your manager couldn’t move fast enough to get you to every new gig you needed to be at. Merch was flying off the shelves, so to speak, and you were adored. Your fan base was growing every day. 

You were on top of the world, respectively. You loved your life now, and your bandmates were more than just that. They were truly your friends. They helped you when you were down and when you said you wanted to get clean, they supported you as well as everyone else in your circle. 

With your career finally where you wanted it to head, and your social life getting better than it ever had been, all that was missing was a love you weren’t sure you’d ever thought you’d get back. But like with everything else, you channeled it into your art, hoping for some catharsis.

Now the tour was next week, so you decided to take some time to write and reflect before you left LA to embark on this new chapter. 

----------------------

Meanwhile, in the city, Hayden had listened to your album for probably the tenth time. He was lying in his bed in the hotel. Your album had been on repeat and he didn’t know what to think.

The songs had to be about him.

Or maybe he just wanted them to be. 

Or maybe they really were.

But then again, that could be conceit talking. Surely you loved other people. He didn’t even know if you loved him. He had a hunch, based on your self-destructive behavior after the breakup, but he still couldn’t be sure and he didn’t want to just assume.

He decided to take action. He was tired of waiting. He texted a friend and asked where you might be. When his friend got back to him, he said the best shot would be the beach. When he asked which beach, what part, his friend replied with the spot. The exact same spot where he first asked you to date him. 

He threw on his jacket and made his way there. The beach was starting to get dark. An overcast covered the sky, but it was light enough to see everything. The beach was fairly deserted, as he walked up. He saw you, sitting in the sand, your knees pulled up so you could rest your notebook against it as you wrote.

The wind was strong, making it chilly, and to keep you warm, he recognized what you were wearing -- his hoodie. 

He watched you write for a moment, admiring how you looked. Your hair was shinier now than the last time he saw you. You looked better, and he was glad about it. 

“They’re about me, aren’t they? The songs? The whole album,” he said as he stood behind you. 

You stilled, stopping your writing. “Does it matter if they are?” Your stomach suddenly felt uneasy.

“Yes.”

You took a deep breath. “Then yes, they are about you. Is that all you came to say?” 

“No, it’s not,” he said as he came closer and sat next to you in the sand. He pulled his knees up and rested his arms on them, holding onto his hands as he looked out over the ocean.

“What else did you come here for?” you asked softly. 

“To apologize,” he began and you groaned gently.

“Hayden, we’ve been over this. I’m trying to move on with my life. I’m trying to get over you, if that wasn't evident by every song on that album.” 

He turned to you. “I don’t want you to. I don’t want you to move on or forget about me.”

“Oh, great, lovely then,” you said, getting exasperated. “If you’re here to hurt me more, please--”

“I love you,” he fervently said as his hands went to each side of your face. “I’m here to say I’m sorry for not saying it sooner. I’m sorry for breaking you the way I did. I didn’t mean to, at all, but then I did, and you were so hurt, I didn’t know how to help you.”

Your eyes searched his as he let go of you to look back at the waves. Did he mean it? Was he just saying that? Was this a cruel game? Why did he say it now? 

“You could’ve told me that,” you breathed. “You could’ve told me you loved me, it would’ve saved me.” 

“I know, but I didn’t want to use it as something to save you. I wanted to save you, or I wanted you to save yourself. I didn’t want me loving you or returning to you to be the reason you got better. I wanted you to realize that all on your own, to be your own hero.” 

You nodded as you muttered, “Thanks. It worked. I’m clean now. The last time we saw each other kind of… sobered me up.”

“I’m glad,” he said with a small smile. “Can you tell me what happened? We broke up and you… you went off the deep end. I know we were perfect, and I hated ending it the way I did but… drugs? Alcohol?” 

You chewed on your lips as you nodded. “Yeah, it was pretty stupid. I just… I looked to alcohol to numb the pain, you know? Not that atypical. I did it after Jason, that’s where you and I met, with me crying in my beer at a bar over my ex.” 

He nodded, understanding. 

“But then… it wasn’t enough. I…” You took a deep breath, fighting the lump in your throat and the fear of saying this. “I love you. I loved you. More than I’d ever loved anyone else, and suddenly the drinks weren’t enough to mask the pain. I needed something stronger. Anything stronger. I was seeing you every day at home and suddenly I couldn’t kiss you any more, I couldn’t hold you anymore, I couldn’t do anything with you any more. I couldn’t have what we had, and it killed me. I thought that if you stayed around, that if I let you live there, I could get over it. All I needed was you in my life, right?” you asked rhetorically with a sad laugh as the tears rolled down. “Then I kicked you out and it was worse. You weren’t there to help me, to brighten my day. You just… you left. I know I kicked you out, but I was mad, hurting, and high. I went to apologize and ask you to stay, and you were gone, as if you were never there. No note, no letter, no text, nothing. I felt like you were just waiting to get away from me.”

“No,” he assured while shaking his head. “That wasn’t it at all. I just didn’t want to make it awkward for you and I couldn’t watch you do that any more. I tried to talk to you a few times when you came home and you just blew me off. It was killing me to see you like that all the time. I wanted to help you, I really did, I just didn’t know how.”

“I know,” you said with a thick voice. “That’s not your fault. None of it is your fault. You broke up with me, and I handled it poorly. I just… I lost the greatest love my life had ever known. I finally found you, and you just left…” Your gaze turned on him, scorching him. “Why? Why did you give up on us? On me? I deserve to know,” you demanded in a whisper.

He nodded. “You do deserve to know. That’s why I came here. I’m tried of not being with you. I want you, I’ve always wanted you.” 

“So what happened?” you asked quietly, your eyes on his, trying to read his mind. 

“Do you remember that date at the restaurant, when Rachel showed up?” 

You nodded. “Of course. You were weird that night and the rest of the week before we broke up. I just assumed you weren’t over Rachel. Is that it? Was that it? =”

He shook his head. “No, not at all. She asked me outside, she wanted to talk…” 

“Hey, Rach, what’s up?” Hayden greeted once the two of them were outside. 

“Who’s that?” she wondered, getting right to the punch.

“That's Y/N. I’m staying at her place. She’s the one who owns the house where you dropped Briar off that one time.” 

“So she’s been around Briar?” she asked, sounding as if she were betrayed.

He laughed, looking around, confused. “Uh, yeah. It is her house. We went to the park and stuff. It was fun. Briar really liked her.” 

“Oh, I’m so glad to hear our daughter had fun with a stranger.” 

He frowned. “Rachel, what are you talking about? Y/N isn’t a stranger. I’ve known her for several months. We’ve been roommates for a while now.” 

“And how long have you two been dating?” she demanded.

“What makes you think we’re dating?”

“You’re on a date and you didn’t deny it.” 

He held up his hands and laughed slightly, no humor in the sound. “Uh, I’m not sure that’s any of your concern. You’re the one who left me.”

“It’s my concern if she’s around my child. Did you think to ask me before you took her on a playdate with your little girlfriend?”

“No? Briar has a right to know who’s in my life.”

“Oh, but I don’t,” she said, clearly offended and angry. 

“That's not what I said. Look, I care about this woman. She means a lot to me. I would like Briar to get to know her, I think she’ll be in my life for a while.”

“Not if I can help it. I don’t like her being around strangers. So long as you’re with her, Briar won’t be coming around.”

“What? Rach, that’s ridiculous. You can’t keep me from my daughter--”

“I’m not, you can come see her any time you want. I just won’t take her to her house. Jeeze, Hay, you don’t waste any time, do you? We broke up less than a few months ago and you’re already with someone else?” 

“We bonded. I don’t know what you want me to say. Do you want me to apologize for finding someone that makes me happy?”

“No, of course not. I want you to be happy, I’m just a little surprised that you found them so fast.”

“What? Am I hard to love or something?”

“No, I’m just wondering if she’s a rebound, so soon after we broke up and everything. I doubt it though. What kind of example is this for Briar?”

“The fuck are you talking about?” he asked, thorugohly confused.

“Well, her mom and dad just broke up, and in no time at all, you’re with another woman. It might make her think less of love. That if we can go from what we had and you can just hop to the next girl who says hi to you. It’s probably very confusing for her. Did you even think about Briar?”

“It’s not like that,” Hayden assured her, getting frustrated. “Of course I thought about her. I spent a lot of time with Y/N before I ever let her around Briar.”

“Ah, hmm, good to know you’ve spent so much time with her. It really shows how much you care.”

“I do care, Rachel. I still love you but we’ve agreed to end things. You brought it up, not me. Now, I’m trying to find happiness again rather than wallow in it.”

“Yes, that much is clear. Let’s just hope it’s not a rebound and both of you get hurt, hmm? Good to see you, Hayden.”

He explained everything and you sat there, dumbfounded.

“She used Briar Rose against you?” you questioned quietly, flabbergasted.

“In a way. I think she was ultimately jealous that I was moving on before her. I did love her, I still do. I mean she was a huge part of my life, she’s Briar’s mom. But I love you so much more. I just… what she said, I started to worry if it was somehow true. If I was setting a bad example for my daughter. The rebound thing didn’t worry me, I didn’t feel like it was a rebound for me, but I wasn't sure about you, so before anyone got hurt, I thought we’d end it. I thought maybe if we put some distance between us, we’d be okay. If we waited a few months, it would prove to us that we were okay, but then you took it so badly and it all got so out of control. I thought if I told you I loved you back then you’d just think I was lying or trying to get you to get better. I didn’t want it to be questioned when I said to you, finally.” 

You couldn't help but grin. “Failed on that front. Still questioning it.”

He took your hands in his.. “Well please don’t. I do love you. You aren’t a rebound, you never were. You’re no one’s replacement. I love you and only you.” He stroked your hair as he looked at you. “I just made a horrible decision to make a choice for both of us without consulting you.” 

You nodded slightly.

“And for that, I am  so sorry. I am sorry I wasn't there to help you get clean and I’m sorry I’m the reason you even had a problem to begin with. I love you so much and I’ll never leave your side ever again. Of course, that’s… if you still want me.” 

Your eyes flashed to his. “Of course I still want you. All I want is you. Did you not hear a word I said in that album? You’re all I can think about, you’re all I ever want. You’re all I will ever want.” 

He let out a relieved laugh. “I’m so glad you feel the same way. I’ve hated myself every day since I ended this between us. I’ve wanted to make it right, to come back to you for so long.” 

“I’m so glad you finally did,” you breathed as you looked into his eyes. You leaned forward, hoping you weren’t crossing a line, hoping against hope that he wanted this too.

Your lips hit his and life ignited in you. Your hands went to his hair and his hands wrapped around your back as he lowered you to the ground. His lips moved expertly and fervently on your mouth, as if it were the air that he breathed. 

When you two broke, you stared at him in wonder.

“Do you mean it? Do you love me?”

“More than I ever imagined was possible.”

“I love you too, please don’t leave me again.”

“I would never even dream of it. I’m here, and I’ll never go anywhere else. I’m yours for as long as you want me.” 

“I’ll always want you.”

“Then you’ll always have me.” 

That was all you had ever needed, from anyone. You thanked your lucky stars that it was Hayden who granted you that wonderful, beautiful, unconditional kind of love, the one you’d searched for all your life. The one you deserved, you finally had.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Forever Tag:

@essie1876

@magpiegirl80

@letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked

@marvel-imagines-yes-please

@missinstantgratification

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Hayden Christensen:

@coldlilheart​

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History Repeats:

@multifandomblog315​

[lordseochangbin]

Rules and Exceptions

Han Jisung x Female Reader

SMUT, Suggestive, Fluff

A/N: Yeah that photo aesthetic is not it but I was super excited to publish this so hope you like it :D

“Rule number one… we can’t do it until marriage” You tell Jisung, your legs wrapped around his waist as the two of you talk on the couch. 

Jisung tilts his head to the side in thought before replying, “Fair, my parents would’ve wanted that too... but I doubt you’ll be able to follow that” 

“Jisung!” You slap his shoulder, a smile forming on Jisung’s face at how embarrassed you looked. “Come on, I can follow the special rule” 

Jisung bites his bottom lip before looking down at his lap. “The way your hips are rolling on mine tell me otherwise” 

Your eyes looked shocked as you look down at Jisung’s lap, as much as you hated to admit it- your panties were soaked. You hated the stupid rule, “No sex until marriage”. It was a rule your parents never told you but knew existed. 

“Fine, god can we just make out or something?” You sigh, throwing your head back in frustration. Jisung laughs as he can tell how frustrated you were. As annoying as he was, you were glad Jisung understood. He had to follow the same rules, but the way you two flirted around each other… both of you had to try so hard not to break them. 

“Your wish is my command” He giggles before pulling you into a deep kiss. Almost immediately, your hands are tied around his neck- pulling him closer than ever. If you two can’t have sex, you can at least make out like there’s no tomorrow. 

This is where the two of you went wrong, every time. Jisung would hum into the kiss, his hands going to take your shirt off and you would lean back to let him. When you finally have the chance to take off his top, your hands running up and down his chest as your clothed core rubs against his jeans. It turns the two of you on so much that Jisung can’t hold himself back. 

“Babe, I don’t think I can-” Jisung breathes out as he winces his eyes in pain at how hard he is. 

“God this is so annoying” You whine as you roll out of his lap. 

The two of you laugh it off before Jisung gets off the couch. “Well... I’m gonna go get rid of this problem then” Jisung shoots two handguns at you with a grin on his face before going to the bathroom. 

Covering your eyes in embarrassing at another failure, you squirm in your spot and internally scream. It wasn’t as easy for you to get off on your own as it was for Jisung so you’d resent to thinking about him.

Jisung thought during this time you’d touch yourself but.. little did he know you got yourself off by thinking about him. More specifically, just thinking about him fucking you silly. In general, the two of you couldn’t keep your hands off each other and now that you two had your shared apartment it got worse. 

When you cooked on the stove he would wrap his hands around your waist and pull you close, your mind would linger to thoughts about him stuffing his cock inside you as he bent you over the counter. But the worst part was the bed, when you two cuddled together you’d think about how easy it would be to do it and keep it a secret. You knew you couldn’t put Jisung in that situation though, his parents had straight up told him about the rule and you knew he was too much of a “good boy” to break it. 

Two years later, you two found yourselves hanging out with family at a beach resort. Jisung was chilling in the pool with your relatives and god you had to admit, he looked sexy as hell. You hung out with the aunts at the pool chairs and you couldn’t help but steal glances at Jisung in the midst of your conversations. 

Leaning back on the chair, Jisung finally locks eyes with you and you bite on your bottom lip. Jisung knows it already, you’re thinking about him. To make things worse for you, he sinks down in the water and comes back up again, brushing his wet locks back with his fingers and locking his eyes with you and only you. Your eyes check out his shirtless figure, the droplets of water running down his chest and you seriously want to kick him in the crotch for looking that good.

You lower your shades down a bit as if to say ‘Seriously Jisung?’ because for the past two years, the two of you have done nothing but tease each other. 

Jisung forms his lips into a playful kiss and goes back to talking with your cousins as you take a deep breath reminding yourself that it’s not very holy of you to get horny in front of your relatives- but that’s actually what you were doing. Getting horny in front of your relatives. Thanks, Jisung. 

When it hits late afternoon, your family starts to leave the pool area and you decide to put on your coverup. It’s a small dress that fits the current attire perfectly since all of you were going to eat dinner at the hotel’s buffet. “Hello gorgeous” Jisung whispers into your ear, slyly grabbing your ass and making you jump in your spot as you turn around to punch his shoulder. “Not here Jisung!” You whisper as he dries his hair off with a towel. 

A smile forms on Jisung’s face as you point a finger at him, “You are so lucky my parents are here right now” You tell him before walking away. 

Your steps are stopped when Jisung grabs your hand, pulling you closer to him. “No, you’re lucky your parents are here... because if they weren’t I’d strip you of these clothes and-” 

You shut Jisung’s mouth when you see your mom walk in, “Are you guys going to join us?” You swear your heart dropped in your chest. 

“We’ll be right there!” Jisung says as your mom gives him a very suspicious smile and walks away. 

You turn around, giving him a look before asking “What was that about?” 

“What was what about?” 

“My mom just gave you.. the biggest smile. I have never seen her smile like that in my entire life.”

“Oh, I don’t know” Jisung shrugs as the two of you leave to your room. 

“Also you better control that mouth of yours, I swear to god I hate you so much sometimes” 

Jisung smirks as he pulls you into a hug, “Love you too~”

Dinner goes fine, everyone finishes their meals and you notice that Jisung is a bit distant. You can tell he’s hiding something but you can’t tell what. 

“Hey, are you alright?” You ask him as he turns around to you. 

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine... I’m just gonna go to the restroom real quick” 

“Alright,” You tell him, a bit worried but happy that he was honest in his response. 

The second he leaves, everyone at the table quiets down. They’re all looking at you and suddenly the lights go off. 

“Is something going on?” You whisper before a few candles lit up around the room. 

You feel a tap on your right shoulder and turn around to see Jisung on one knee. Is this really happening?

“Y/N… will you..” 

Your family squeals in excitement as he continues his words. 

“...take my hand in marriage?” 

You opt to cover your face but Jisung quickly catches them, opening the ring box to reveal the beautiful diamond.  “I love you so much, these past two years with you have been the best years of my life and I would kill to spend the rest of my life with you”

You lean closer to Jisung so that only the two of you could hear when you ask, “You’re fucking shitting me right now right?” 

Jisung could only chuckle at your words, his teeth grabbing his bottom lip as he shakes his head. “I’m not fucking shitting you right now.. so please say yes because my knees hurt” 

You wrap your hands around his neck and pull him close before replying, “Yes. Yes yes yes.” 

“She said yes!!!” Your mom screams in excitement as the lights go back on. 

Jisung stands up and pulls you into a kiss and your whole family seems to be rooting for you. When you two pull away, Jisung fits the ring on your finger and you two seem to live happily ever after. 

Once you two get back in the hotel room, Jisung closes the door behind you and you grab his shirt to pull him into a kiss. “You seem pretty happy” Jisung smiles as he takes off his shirt and throws it to the side. “As much as I’d love to kiss you right now… you should probably shower first” 

“Oh come on!! Jisung! After teasing me all day you’re going to leave me like this?” You ask him. “You proposed, we’re kinda umm basically married now right!” 

“Y/N.. I know where you’re going with this and I-” You pull Jisung close, your lips forming a pout. 

“Jisung, can’t we bend the rules just a bit?” 

“What do you mean love?” 

“I mean..” You start to pace back and forth in thought, “You know how sex is kinda like you putting your D in my V right?” 

Jisung furrows his eyebrows in confusion, “M-my D in your what?!”

“Yeah, it’s like ummm you know..” 

“Y/N, if you want to that badly..” 

“No! You told me the first time we got together that I won’t be able to keep that rule and I’m going to follow the rule just with a tiny exception”

“An exception?” 

Your lips form a smirk as you walk towards Jisung, “Yes, an exception” You pull Jisung into the hotel’s bathroom, jumping on the counter and using your legs to pull him in between them. 

“Y/N what are you planning..” 

You interrupt him with a kiss and when you notice that he’s not complaining you pull your dress over your shoulders. 

Jisung’s quick to follow on to what you’re thinking, his hands wrapping around your waist as he pulls you into the shower and turns it on. 

“Can I?” He asks, as his fingers fiddle with the back of your bra. 

“Yes.. please” You beg as he takes it off you. When you feel your back pressed against the wall, Jisung kisses down your neck making you whimper as his fingers hook around your underwear. 

You assist him in taking them off as your hips buck against his. “God, you’re gorgeous..” He says, checking you out from head to toe. 

“And I’m all yours Jisung,” You tell him as your hands go to his waist to pull him closer. 

Jisung bites on his lip before his hands could cup your breasts, massaging each one with each hand. As he gets down on his knees, he aligns his lips to your wet core as you throw your legs over his shoulders. 

Suddenly the weight on you seems nonexistent, the only things holding you up being the wall and Jisung as he kisses your inner thigh. You throw your head back as the water from the shower manages to reach only your toes. The cold water doesn’t feel to fit with your heated core as Jisung licks a strip of it. His eyes close in pleasure as you buck your hips into his lips, Jisung engaging even more as he sucks on your clit. 

Embarrassingly enough, after two years of utter frustration, you could feel that knot unloosing in your stomach. “Jisung.. god that feels so good” You stutter as he licks away at your pussy. 

He simply nods in response as he continues, his fingers pinching your nipples as he feels your walls tighten. “J-Ji..” You mumble as you feel your high coming. 

A few seconds later and you orgasm on his lips, Jisung taking every slurp to his tongue and cleaning you up quickly. 

“That was so overdue” Jisung laughed as he cleaned his lips with the back of your hand. As he picks you up, your legs wrap onto his waist and you feel his hardened cock press onto your core. 

“Jisung you’re-” 

“Don’t worry” Jisung interrupts you with a smile, “I’ll do it” 

“No Jisung...come on. Let me please” You say, unlatching yourself from his lap and quickly getting onto your knees. 

Jisung looks down at you before asking, “Are you sure?” 

“I’m sure”

You pull his swim shorts down in a hurry, a bit of drool leaving your lips as you come face to face with Jisung’s member. 

Using your hand, you pump his cock and look up to see him grab your hair and pull him closer. “Come on princess…” He says before placing his member on your lips. 

You open your mouth to him and your legs close as he thrusts his cock inside you. “Too harsh?” He asks, his thumb swiping your cheek to make sure you’re okay. You shook your head and gesture at him to continue as his grip tightens around his hair. 

Moans leave Jisung’s lips as he thrusts his member into your mouth, at first it was just you sucking him off but you could tell he was losing his patience so you let him take control. 

You hollow your cheeks around his cock as he fastens his pace. “I’m so close babygirl.. please you’re doing such a good job taking my cock like this”

When you feel his movements go slow, you let your lips wrap around his tip, using your hands to pump his member before he could cum inside your mouth. 

“Fuck.. princess,” He says as he spills his seed inside you. 

You swallow his cum as he slowly drops onto his knees in front of you. “So no C in V but M in V? M in C?” He mocks you with a smile. 

“Shut up!” You exclaim, burying your head into his shoulder as he laughs at you. 

“You’re so silly.. acting like sex is some math equation” 

“I didn’t know how else to explain it to you!!” You explain. 

Jisung pulls you into a kiss before remembering that the shower is on, “If we get back to our shower, you should take off the ring” 

You look down at the ring before taking it off, “The ring, god I forgot to tell you how beautiful it is.” 

“Just like you princess” Jisung pulls you into a promising kiss that continues.

No promises broken. No rules broken. Just the two of you, and your exceptions. 

[devinescribe]

Together

Chapter 4 to 100 Promises

Chapter 3 | Chapter 5

It's going to start off where chapter... 2? Left off. I think it was chapter 2 anyways.

Warnings: swearing, weapons, and I think that's it. This chapter isn't that bad.

You feel down to the floor, staring out to the person standing on the balcony. 'Why did I have fucking glass see through doors? Oh fuck my taste in aesthetics!' You thought, looking around a bit panicked, looking for any type of solutions. You quickly crawled besides the bed, hoping they didn't see you. They did. It was to dark out without any lights, so you couldn't see any specific features, other than they were tall, and had some sort of weapon. "Please be locked please be locked please be locked," you muttered, grabbing the dagger you had from the game. The person turned the doorknob from the outside, opening the door. "Oh, fuck me!" You shouted standing up, pointing the dagger at them. "Try me bitch, see what happens! I am not afraid to stab you!"

"Woah there. Didn't think you'd hate me that much," they said, laughing. You recognized that voice. That laugh. You'd know it from anywhere, although it sounded a bit more... confident.

"Niragi?" You asked, hopeful in his answer. "That's me," he said, finally stepping into the part of your room that had enough light from the moon to see. You dropped the dagger, your eyes widening. "You're not? You're not dead," you whispered, walking over to him. "Dead? Why would I be-" he started, before you hugged him tightly. He could feel the shaky breaths you were taking, and decided now wasn't the time. "You stupid fuck, I thought you were dead!" You suddenly shouted, pushing him away. "Yeah? Well, I thought you were safe back home you dumb bitch!" He shouted back. You two looked at each other with a straight face for a few seconds before bursting into laughter.(that's how you know you're best friends UwU)

"I'm so glad I found you! Well... you found me? I don't know, I don't care. How did you find me?" You asked, watching as he walked around your old room. "An educated guess," he said. You laughed watching as he walked around. "I'm guessing all your stuff is at our apartment?" He guessed. You nodded. "Not like I would need it. Also, what's with the gun? And how did you find out I was even here?" You asked, it suddenly dawning on you there was no possible way he could've known. "To your first question, I'll answer in a bit.  To your second question, a... Cheshire cat of sort, I guess you could say," he answered with a smirk. "Cheshire cat? The only person who I've even talked to is- wait... that little! Does he have really blonde, almost white hair and a very condescending look all the time? Pretty short?" You asked, getting a bit angry at the thought that someone had lied to you, and you hadn't caught on. "Uh.. yeah? Wait, do you know him?" It was Niragi's turn to be confused. "That little bitch! He told me- hmph! I'm going to kick his ass off a roof next time I see him!" You yelled in anger. Niragi knew when you got angry to let you rant. You were scary when you were angry. He learned that pretty early on, and learned to stay out of your way when you want to deal with someone. "Yeah, he has that effect on people. He pisses me off. Chishiya... he's well, Chishiya. Thinks he's better than everyone sometimes, I swear," Niragi said. You stopped your rant with a sigh. "Sorry. This is kind of a new situation. Don't know how to deal with it," you muttered sitting on the edge of your bed. Another thing Niragi noticed early on was that you didn't do exceptional with change. "It's human nature to adapt to new things. Just takes you a bit longer. And from what I heard, you did great for your first game," Niragi said as he sat next to you. "Who- oh... Chishiya... Where have you been staying since the games started?" You asked, looking at him curiously. "That's actually what I came here to talk about. Basically, it's a 'safe haven' called the Beach. Players go there, we all play the games when assigned, collect the cards, and give them to Hatter, the leader. Basically communism," he explained. "The fuck?" Were your only words. He laughed. "The more games you play, the more cards you collect, or the more useful you are to the Beach, the higher you wristband number. Right now, we think that if we collect a complete deck of cards, a person can leave. The number 1 leaves first, then we all go up a number," he kept explaining, showing you his wrist band. "4? What did you do to get up that high?" You asked, amazed at his high ranking. "Played the games. Oh, and I guess I'm part of the milital sect, so there's that," he said. He found it cute how you were so excited about something so... irrelevant to him. He had always found it interesting how your emotions could go like the flip of a switch. You could be a total badass one second and the next be curled up under blankets acting cute.

"You're so mean to me!" You pouted, crossing your arms over your chest. He could only laugh in response. "Jerk! I'll lock you out!" You shouted, stomping your foot. He knew you were lying, and you wouldn't. Or, at least he thought so.

"(Y/N), it's been 3 hours, come on I'm sorry," he apologized for what seemed to be the hundredth time to him. You really had locked him out on the balcony. You sat in front of the glass doors, sticking your tongue out at him. "(Y/N), you're 17, not 5 for God's sake, let me in already! You're being really annoying right now!" He shouted, getting angry at you now. Not something that happened very often. You tilted your head to the side, and frowned. You unlocked the door and opened it. He came into the room, and you went and sat on your bed. "Fucking finally..." he whispered to himself. He heard you say something under your breath.

"What was that?" He asked, looking at you. " 'M sorry... don't be mad. I didn't mean to be annoying," you whispered loud enough for him to hear. He suddenly regretted his choice of words from earlier. Being childish sometimes was how you expressed your feelings. You didn't get to be or act like a child when you were younger, so with him, you felt like you could be. He realized that you trusted him enough to do that, and he had been rude about it. "I'm not mad at you. I shouldn't have used those words, I know it's just you being you," he said, sitting down besides you. "I'm sorry I locked you out..." you muttered an apology as you hugged him. "Apology accepted. And I'm sorry for what I did for you to lock me out, and for what I said," he apologized, hugging you back. "You just... it scared me, I thought you had actually... actually done that," you whispered. "I'm thought you'd left me..."

He had remembered that day more than most because it showed how much he actually mattered to you. Back then, when he thought he was worthless and how no one would miss him if her were gone, you did. You had always cared, since the first day he met you. It was one thing he liked about you. The way you cared about people, even if they didn't deserve to be cared about. Sure, you had trouble accepting apologies from people who had hurt you, but it didn't stop you from being nice when needed.

"Yumi? Are you alright?" You asked, seeing one of your bullies crying. "G-get away from me freaks," she had stuttered, wiping away the tears. Niragi tried to pull you away. He knew what this girl had said to you. She was always making fun of you, how you looked, your weight.(I mean, I didn't make the reader plus sized(I'll keep it as neutral as possible), but the more I write, the more I want to. Niragi gives me vibes of the skinny guys who love chubby/plus size women. Aka, the best kind of guy) Anything to make you feel bad about yourself. "Let's just go..." he whispered, trying to pull you away. You shook his hand off, walking over to her. "Yumi-San, what's wrong?" You asked, reaching in your bag, finding a tissue and handing it to her. She blew her nose into it. "M-my boyfriend broke up with me. But it's none of your concern, freak," she sniffled. You both knew who her boyfriend was. One of the guys who was in your main group of tormentors. "Oh honey... a pretty girl like you shouldn't cry over trash like him. You are a solid 11/10, he doesn't deserve the tears," you said, taking another tissue, and drying her tears. Even though she was always so rude to you, you had to admit she was a beautiful girl. She had short back hair that was just above her shoulders, and beautiful brown eyes. She didn't like makeup, so she never wore it, so it made her beauty natural. She wasn't curvy, and made a lot of girls look up to her, as she was actually pretty flat chested. She was incredibly smart as well. All in all, she was simply a teenage girl that was attractive to most guys. And a part of you liked that she wasn't the normal beauty standard, because it was just so badass to you. She hadn't used her looks to get ahead either. She was just mean. You had always thought she was pretty, even if she was mean. "If he can't see how pretty you are, then he's not the one for you," you said. "W-why are you being so nice to me? I- I'm always so mean to you," she stuttered. You stopped to think for a second, and looked back at Niragi. He walked over to you, and stood besides you. "Ok... mm... 'M being nice to you 'cause... I wanna be. No one deserves to feel unwanted. And besides, my karma stays clean," you smiled. She laughed. Not a mocking laugh, not a rude laugh, not a fake laugh. You  told her some joke to make her feel better, and she started laughing even harder. Her real laugh, not the fake preppy laugh she always did. She snorted, and covered her mouth in embarrassment. "You should laugh like that more often. Your real laugh is so nice," you complemented. Yumi had always hated her laugh, as it wasn't the cute laugh that was described in books. But, then again, neither was yours. "Bye bye Yumi! Hope you feel better soon!" You shouted, waving back at her as you and Niragi left. She smiled to herself, waving back at you.

"I want to take a nap," you muttered as you got closer to your house. "You are something else, you know?"

"If... if I go with you right now, I don't think I'd be that helpful. I've only played in one game after all," you stated. Niragi thought for a moment. He'd talked about you, Chishiya would most certainly talk about you seeing as he would never bring someone from a game up unless they were interesting, and once you showed how you could play, he was sure you'd get a high rank. "I've got my ways. You coming with me, or not?" He asked, getting up.

"Yeah. I don't want to be alone again. Or at least without you again. That's 6 months of my life I didn't have my best friend you asshat."

"That wasn't my fault, I had no say in it!"

"Fuck you."

"This is a personal attack on my hp, you're lowering my health bar with your mean comments."

"Nerd."

"Bitch."

You two basically walked back to the beach like that. Most of the way, anyways. You two knew you meant none of the words, it was just your way of talking to each other. In a playful way.

He had taken you up to a room that had a table with chairs around. In there had been 5 people. One with long ish hair, sunglasses, and a colorful robe, another with tattoos covering his body, a woman with a white, sleeveless button up shirt with black shorts, a man dressed in a black tank top and what you would call 'drill Sargeant pants', and well, you knew the last one. "You little bastard!" You shouted, seeing his smirk. "Everyone, this is (L/N) (Y/N), the girl I told you about,'' Chishiya introduced you, ignoring your words. Niragi held your arm to keep you back from hurting Chishiya. He wanted to see it, but he also didn't want you to die. "Ah, lovely! We've heard about you. All good things, all good things," the man in the robe exclaimed. You smiled a bit, seeing as he seemed to be a person who was a fan of the theatrics. He seemed fun. "That's Hatter. The leader, as I told you earlier," Niragi whispered to you. You nodded. "That's the dissection freak, or Ann," he whispered again, nodding his head over to the woman with black hair."That's Aguni. He's the leader of the milital sect. So, basically, my boss," Niragi whispered again, pointing at him. "And that's Last Boss. We're sort of friends?" He whispered making a gesture to the man with tattoos.  "Ah... ok. So, these are all members of the militals?" You asked him quietly. "No, Ann and Chishiya are part of the executives. Aguni is leader of the militals. If you want to work with weapons, that's who you have to impress," Niragi explained. Chishiya had walked over in the time you'd been talking, and only got your attention by tapping your shoulder. You glared down at him. He looked you up and down. "Are you wearing heels, or are you just that tall?" He questioned. You stared down at him. "I'm just this tall?" You said confused. He hummed walking away. Niragi tried to keep his laughter in, and you immediately noticed. You flipped him off, and he acted offended. "So are you two... together?" Hatter asked, noticing you two were standing closely, you went knocked out or trying to kill Niragi. "Together? Like... a relationship? No. Friends? Yes," you said, grabbing his arm. 'Mhm... friends for now.' Ann thought. "We've heard from both Chishiya and Niragi that you're good with weapons?" Ann asked, keeping everyone on track. You nodded. "Which ones?" She asked

You took a big breath, beginning your list, "Knives, swords, bow and arrow, mace, guns I could go into which type if you would like, daggers, throwing knives, crossbow, and many many more but I don't want to bore you."

The room went quiet. "Well... um... that's quite the list. What games have you played in?" Hatter questioned. "Just one... the game with Chishiya," you said, looking down, playing with your- well, technically it was Niragi's, but you thought he was dead, so in your defense, you thought you would never feel the comfort of your best friend's hugs. "Ah, the five of spades, correct?" Hatter asked, more towards Chishiya than you. You both nodded. "Well, before anything, you must know the rules of the Beach. 1, you must wear a swimsuit," he started. "Woah, Woah woah, sorry to interrupt you, but um... why? And uh... he's not wearing one," you stated, pointing at Niragi. "Oi, don't throw me under the bus you dumb whore," he insulted with a smile. You know he didn't mean it in a rude way. Again, you two were best friends. "Sir, I have more blackmail on you than you can think of don't go there with me. For instance I caught you m-" you started, before Niragi put a hand over your mouth. "And that's enough from you. You were saying?" He said, directing his attention back to Hatter. "Uh... what was I saying? Oh yes, he's a milital and carries that gun around so he can't hide weapons. He has access to them, 2 all the cards you collect get handed into me, and 3 Death to the traitors," he finished. You licked Niragi's hand which was still over your mouth. He immediately took his hand off. "Ew! Disgusting!" He shouted, wiping his hand off. You laughed, and everyone else in the room smiled. Especially Hatter. He liked you already. Not in a creepy way, but he enjoyed that you weren't scared. "Anywho, alright. Swimsuit,cards to you, death to the traitors," you repeated. "Good girl," Chishiya said, a teasing tone obvious in his voice. "Tomorrow, you'll be going to a game with Aguni and An. They will decide your skills so we know where to put you. For know, I'm sure that Niragi wouldn't mind showing you to an empty room, and getting you changed into our 'uniform'," Hatter said. "By empty room, you mean she's staying with me until she gets her number, right?" Niragi asked. That's what he wanted, for you to stay with him. You two had almost 6 months of talking to catch up on. "Oki! Come on bubs, lead the way!" You shouted, grabbing his hand. He rolled his eyes, leading you out.

"I bet you guys anything they'll get together," Hatter stated after you two left. "Oh thank the gods I wasn't the only one who thought so," Ann breathed. You two had quite the overwhelming personalities. "I'm sure. She's a smart girl though. From what I saw, she's a potentially strong player for diamonds and hearts," Chishiya stated, watching the spot you had just stood at. "Oh, I think so too. Aguni, what do you think?" Hatter asked, turning his attention to his stoic friend. "We'll have to wait and see for tomorrow," he responded.

Anyways, this is on Wattpad and AO3 as well, I hope you're all having a lovely day/evening

[talesofealdancynedom]

Electra, grown, with her selkie furs.

Tale 31: If We Lost The Sea Wives (chapter 3 - Electra’s coat  3/5 ) part 7. Stories of Magic Forests

no warings

              Fey are made by The Beast Kings, and thus magic itself. They know no time, feel no hate, take no side, and cannot form judgement. They are unable to age, and are stuck in an immature state. But that’s their charm. Fey are both very human, but distinctly not. Neither animal, nor person. Their humanness is why people love them, and requite fey affection on occasion. This is the only way a fey can have parents; Instead of being formed by magic itself, fey can breed if they know true love. The child will always be the same fey as it’s fey parent, but will also always be raised like a human.

              Saturn Firepot and his selkie wife, Iearda were expecting a baby. She did not comprehend the array of emotional human responses, or even notice she was with child. But Saturn of coarse, was excitemed. The cabin freshly finished, and in the fire of love, his life felt like it couldn’t get any better. He had graduated with his specialist degree, and had begun his own research. Saturn felt like he was in his prime. In fact, his glasses were a little too rosy. Due seeing fey as human, Saturn forgot his one and only was a fish fey; And thus if the baby was a girl, she too would be a selkie. A daughter would need to be fully submerged to turn into a seal, in order to survive. A son would just be a regular human boy. Nowhere in the other ten lands, was not knowing the gender of your baby, been so stressful. Worse yet, the home birthing culture was intense, due to the commonality of men marrying and reproducing with sea wives. Selkies were known to bite in such stressful times, and partially still had their seal teeth. A blood wound was nothing, compared to the fact Saturn was too ashamed of his predicament to do it all properly. He bought a tub to fill with sea water at their beach, and relied on the fact that fey don’t get birth complications; Because their made of magic, not biology.

              Once the drama was over, and Firepot’s sea wife sat by the tide; Recovering without a clue what just happened. Meanwhile, Saturn bathed his daughter in the tub. Only Northland Sea water was good enough for his child. The adorable ross seal pup, starred up at him, barely able to swim. The baby just turned into a seal upon touching the water. While Saturn was distracted,  someone entered the beach house. As grey mist suddenly settled, it felt like it was going to rain. Saturn took the pup out of the water to cradle her, as unease set in. When he looked at his new daughter, she was now a baby swaddled in a little white fur coat.

“She needs a name. Don’t worry, I’m used to it.” An ethereal woman’s voice chimed. Saturn looked up to see a large woman of his people, with long wavy ginger hair, eyes of the sea, and a large spiked crown; the Fish King, in all her beauty. Men however, become entranced upon seeing her land form, and Saturn was reduced into a catatonic state while the Fish King named the girl.

“Her name is Electrid. As her father, you get to know that. It’s ok if I tell you. I trust as a seer, you know the importance of a fey’s name.” The Fish King said, leaving through the glass sliding doors. The thin curtains blew, as a light salty breeze waved in. When Saturn came out of his trance, his daughter was crying, and the beach was empty. His selkie love had gone back to the sea. Saturn was left clutching his fey daughter, completely alone. He began rocking and sobbing with her, on his knees on the cabin floor. He had no local family, or friends. It was just him in a cabin, by a magic ocean, on an abandoned beach, looking into the infinite misty ocean. Heartbroken.

              Saturn was destroyed that his one true love would put on her skin, and leave. She seemed so content the year and a half. It made Saturn feel secure. He wasn’t forcing her to stay however. Ierna’s coat always hung on the hat stand, by the porch. Fey often have no logical reason for their actions. As a seer of fey, he knew this. It is possible, that she may forget about him with time. Ierna had been away from the sea for so long, perhaps she missed it and wanted an extended vacation. Either way, Saturn decided he would never have it happen again. He took off his daughter’s snowy Selkie coat, and stuffed it in a trunk at the foot of his bed. Then he the girl in human baby clothes.

Without her skin, she was a normal baby girl; Normal enough to convince the local hospital to give her a birth certificate, and his last name. Human bottles, human food, human clothes, human language, and human books. He went the extra mile, to make sure no one knew Electra was anything but a regular daughter. He told lie after lie, to affirm he was a single parent. Any time Electra gazed into the sea, or couldn’t relate to the other children, Saturn would say everyone is different, and distract her with affection. Anything to prevent the most precious thing to him, form returning to the ocean forever. It had been years, and Ierna was still gone. Saturn had now become the cooky village wizard, living alone on a beach.

               It is fair to say, that Saturn was so good at hiding Electra’s feyness, that everyone was fooled, including her. His apt knowledge of fey behaviour, from his job, meant he knew how to raise and teach her to be more like a person. The teeth were a little hard to explain sometimes; As mentioned, selkies have slightly seal like teeth, even in human form. All things considered, fey or not, both father and daughter got joy and fulfillment with only each other to love. Exclusive cuddle rights, fish pie, and Welsh cakes. Listening to radio shows, while playing on the beach with the other fey. Saturn had told all of them long ago, not to tell Electra or any other human, that she was a selkie. They loved him so much by then, they obliged without question. Each dragon, fairy, and fish, did not understand why a human would desire such a simple favour, but it was no problem as they have little to say to most common men.

Saturn became so lost in raising Electra, and keeping up the lie, that he forgot she would grow up. Without understanding human emotions. Electra often made assumptions about life stages, and appropriate social etiquette. Electra, shortly after graduating secondary school, came home with a young lad one afternoon. She had just gone out for cabbage, but also decided to pick up a boy she thought was cute as well.

“Daddy! Can he join us for dinner? I offered to show him our beach house and quiet bay. He said yes! He is so charming, and he dyed his hair orchid to match his kilt. It looks gleaming in traditional knots; and brings out his grey eyes! Oh, and he makes me smile, as everything he says is so sweet!” Electra ranted, starring at the man, like she was consumed by his essence. The boy seemed a bit rattled, and Saturn, as an overprotective father, was livid.

“Excuse me; Who are you? What are you doing with my daughter?” he said firmly.

“I’m Jasper of house Nix. She... She’s the local girl who wears the flowy dresses, and stares at me often; Oh, and she brings me daisies.” He responded. “I approached her, to ask why she was acting all odd; Then she asked if I wanted to go to the beach, and I said yes! She is by far, the most adorable maiden in town, and she looks just like you, I do say! Down to the grey eyes and ginger hair, she does!  You must be her father?”

“Aye…” Saturn said. It was worse than he thought. Electra had become infatuated with an idiot. As the village of Isfisceard was used to magic, and mundane ladies of beauty swooning, it could blur together. The lad had no clue, Electra was a selkie. He assumed she was just charismatic and flirty.

“You built this beach house? It’s homey. I love the yellow and white cabin aesthetic, on the amber wood. This place smells of the ocean and my favourite black tea. Oh, and just look at the enchanting view!” Jasper said, looking into the sea. For once, Electra wasn’t looking into the ocean; She was looking at Jasper. Saturn shrugged, and offered him a beach-side picnic. He was indeed a very sweet boy. Jasper helped clean up, danced with Electra, spouted nothing but positivity, and may have been too stupid to know malice. He reminded Saturn of himself. It made him continue the lie, and preserve their innocent love. He could tell by the look on Electra’s face, she was more then just fond of him. Electra wouldn’t love again in his lifetime; Fey can’t become infatuated again, until their previous obsession dies, or they succumb to grief with the passing of the one who loved them back. This made Saturn invested in the pair. He wanted his little girl to be happy, and see their happily ever after, as his was so brief.

              After almost a year of regular dating, Jasper requited her love, and moved into the beach house. They all shared black coffee, that mixed with the salty temperate breeze. They listened to the hum of the storms, gulls, and the sea shell wind chimes. Jasper and Saturn would sing together, for the sea fey, making Electra’s day. For all sea daughters love song. Everything seemed perfect again. Then Saturn got a job offer, in The Grand West. As a fey expert, and professor at an academy; He was being promoted. Assured his cabin, beach, and darling daughter was safe with Jasper, he accepted the offer. Like the call of a second chance, he was eager to take. Saturn took Electra’s coat with him, and continued to tell everyone his beautiful little girl, with a sort of inhuman beauty, was one hundred percent human. Anything to keep her happy, safe, and on land. Anything to make sure that when he returned, his baby girl would be there.

NEXT--->

<---PREVIOUS

[kinetic-elaboration]

August 15: 2x03 The Paradise Syndrome

I have seen this episode once before and I remember it being pretty awful... but tbh, I didn’t think it was so bad this time around. Maybe that’s just because my expectations were, like, Spock’s-Brain low. It definitely had issues but there was stuff I liked too!

Hmmm, that’s not the bridge. It appears to be... California?

Wondering what people might be so “blessed by this environment”--what a manly he-man action/adventure guy thing to say, amirite?

How does Spock know the significant markers of all the Native American tribes at a distance, off the top of his head?

(Answer: he doesn’t; all of this information is wrong and also one of those tribes is completely made up lmao.)

Honestly, who’s to say these people aren’t advanced? How do YOU know?

“Just so peaceful... no command decisions.” Oh no, Jim’s feeling Romantic again.

Honestly, imagine this characterization in AOS: overworked starship captain think he wants a break (but is wrong). Beyond made a vague attempt but missed what it is that Kirk finds stressful about command--it’s not that it’s boring, it’s the weight of the responsibility and the inability to find love.

Although funnily enough, even on his Native American Vacation, he still finds himself in a command position. He just can’t be stopped. Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself.

Oh no, the obelisk ate him.

Maybe these people specifically built the obelisk so that they could return to this idyllic ““primitive”“ state, hmm? Maybe they like their lives this way. Maybe they experienced "progress" and then decided that whatever era of their development looked like indigenous American peoples had it right. (This is not correct but it roughly is the plot of Errand of Mercy so I’m not without precedent.)

Spock’s using simple tools to explain his point to Bones lol. “Here, let me dumb it down for you, lesser man of science.”

“Who am I? What are these?” Cpine morning voice: “This must be a dream!”

Kirk looks so confused. The god from the obelisk.

“The engines are showing signs of stress.” Seems to me like SCOTTY’S showing signs of stress.

And yet the music is so whimsical.

Honestly Kirk’s expression here = Denny Crane’s when in a meeting

White man brings CPR, is hailed as god. (I wish I were making this up.)

Damn, Salish has been demoted. How embarrassing for him.

This is a VERY interesting Spock. He does all his calculations, but the he takes all the risks. He’s very certain and single-minded, almost obsessed, not afraid of anything. I think it’s IC but I also think you can see some Kirk influence, perhaps... You can see how Spock has grown in his command abilities since The Galileo Seven.

The wise ones = the aliens.

“He died before he could tell Salish the secret” to opening the Obelisk and stopping the asteroid. That IS unfortunate.

“How does this shirt open?” Lol.

“Your name is Kirok?” “Yeah, sure, whatever.”

“I’ve never been this happy and peaceful.” Funny how he looks neither happy nor peaceful. Maybe it’s something like “I’ve never been this happy and peaceful...and I don’t like it.” Or “I’ve never been this happy and peaceful... there must be something wrong.”

“Here there is much time. For everything.” No there isn’t, there’s an asteroid coming.

Kirk’s cottage core fantasy.

Poor Scotty, so stressed out. Maybe he needs some time with the indigenous aliens.

The Joining Day? Lol okay.

Kirk has no chill, at all. “Oh, you want to get married? Tomorrow? Okay!!” Is this how Gary was able to successfully distract with him the blonde lab technician?

The “stardrive.”

“Estimated repair time?” “FOREVER.”

“And you lost Jim.” Cool it Bones, there’s no need to be cruel. Spock’s already in his thinking pose so you know he’s taking this seriously.

Love Spock’s chair. That’s not Starfleet regulation.

“I have found paradise.” Is he high??

Requisite highly choreographed fight scene.

“You’ve barely eaten or slept for weeks.” That’s because he’s worried about Jim. And the giant asteroid. This is a great Spock and McCoy scene though.

I can’t believe this. Spock lies down (barely!) and McCoy just leaves like he actually thinks he’s won, and then Spock immediately gets up again to go back to work.This guy is even easier to fool than Sarek.

You know Spock spent his whole adolescence going "Sure, I'll do the thing" and then just not doing it.

“A strange lodge that moves through the sky...” Well okay.

Okay I’m sorry, is he sensing the enterprise or is he sensing SPOCK? Because most of this dialogue might just imply he’s generically remembering his old life... but he also specifically says that the “flying lodge” was farther away and now it’s closer again, and how he could he know that otherwise?

She’s pregnant? That’s not good lol. AWKWARD.

Also the closest that TOS will ever come to acknowledging people have sex.

Omg he made a lamp. He made a lamp on his first day there. Does this imply that Captain Kirk had an arts and crafts phase?? Like CPR I understand him knowing--I’m sure everyone in Starfleet does. But hand-carving a lamp? That’s a whole other skill.

Various cultures including “certain Vulcan offshoots” use music notes as words omgggggg I love this information PLEASE tell me more.

“The Preservers” is a good concept imo. Nifty sci fi innovation: taking aliens from endangered places and giving them a new place, then setting it up nicely for them.

Stop throwing things guys! It’s not helping!

“I need Nurse Chapel.” Damn right you do.

Spock really doesn’t like that “wife.” He sounds like “Wife?? How dare??”

Then he suggests it’s a hallucination even though there’s a woman right there.

"Naturally, since he did not come from there. He's my man, get your paws off him."

Vulcan mind fusion? What the heck is that? How is it season 3 and they still don’t know what to call it?

“He is an extremely dynamic individual.” Spock was really taken for a ride in that brain.

“The landing party is expendable.” There’s the Captain.

“I have an excellent eye for musical notes.” Brag.

“Just press the right button.”

Looks like Spock was the god they wanted all along.

Okay, that was an uncool ending though. I know they basically had to kill Miramanee as soon as she was pregnant but like, there was also no reason for her to be pregnant??? I would have preferred if (1) Miramanee hadn't been pregnant, (2) Jim got over her as soon as he regained his memory and (3) she lived and they just parted awkwardly.

Also I think it would have been nice if they had ended with the Enterprise explaining to Salish how the obelisk works, and then maybe even a hint that he and Miramanee will get back together. Like, maybe not that, since I’m not a fan of women just being used to, like, make men feel better--though I’m also not a fan of them being fridged because of Inconvenient Baby--but he should have at least gotten his position back and, more importantly, the knowledge he was always entitled to. Also, the very existence of an asteroid deflector, along with the people’s extensive knowledge of what weather signifies Oncoming Asteroid, implies this happens to them with some frequency. So in other words, the threat will return.

Plus Salish never got enough credit for being right, which he was! The whole time!

Oh and also I would have liked some acknowledgement that Jim does like being Captain. If you watch the whole show, you know that he occasionally bemoans the stress and his inability to maintain a romantic relationship, despite his love of long walks on the beach, but that he’s also ambitious, he loves exploration and adventure, he gets bored if left in one place too long, and he believes in the necessity of progress and discovery to keep not just individuals but societies from stagnation. But if you just watched this episode, you’d think he’d never been happy in his entire life, and that returning to command makes him miserable.

Aside from the Native American stuff--which was awkward and rather unnecessary and has aged, as you might imagine, very very poorly--I actually didn’t hate the episode. It had some VERY interesting Spock stuff, which I think is within a reasonable Spock characterization, and some great Spock and Bones moments. Kirk’s story line was surprisingly engaging for him being completely separate from the crew, and the general theme that he sometimes needs, or thinks he desires, a break from command, is definitely in keeping with other episodes. I liked the asteroid as the Big Danger, which was surprisingly dynamic--by which I mean, it did a good job of connecting the very disparate story lines on the Enterprise and on the planet. I also liked the Sci Fi Concept of the week in the Protectors. And it was interesting to see an ep take place over a longer period of time.

None of this is to downplay how awkward the Native American elements are--incredibly fetishistic, and also lazy--like, “I want to show something Simple and Idyllic...I know! Indians!” There was no reason they should look like American Indians. In fact, it makes no sense that they do: the Protectors take peoples from planets that are about to be destroyed and (somehow) discreetly move them somewhere else, but Native American peoples still.... very much exist? And so does Earth as a whole. So obviously these aliens weren’t transplanted from Earth. So why should their culture resemble some awkward mishmash of Native American cultures?

So overall I’d say, the ideas of the episode, the structure, the characterizations (mostly), and the overall ideas were good, but it was just very awkward and unfortunate that it chose the... aesthetic that it did--especially because it was very much an aesthetic choice and not a well-thought-out, culturally sensitive one. Gonna be honest and just chalk that up to it being 1968 though.

Next is And the Children Shall Lead, which I actually think was one of the first TOS eps I ever saw... But I don’t remember it at all.  So we’ll see!

[bonerp]

MEMBER GROUPS

the time has come: our member group reveal! we have six free member groups, and three premium groups that must be purchased in the shop. the member groups are based off aesthetic images, aesthetic phrases, and key words. feel free to pick whatever you feel best encapsulates your character or whatever color you like the most! (: 

FREE MEMBER GROUPS:

(( adventurous , assertive , confused , dedicated , impulsive, observant , questioning , sarcastic ))

the smell of fresh baked cookies // family game nights // tear stained cheeks // witty little comebacks // pulling an all nighter // low expectations // dancing in the rain // always overthinks // tells it like it is // sleeping through alarms // always has an opinion about something // bonfires on the beach

(( absentminded , anxious , appreciative , dignified , insecure , intolerant , irresponsible , polished ))

no place like home // cursive handwriting // victorian architecture // good book by the fire // seven rings of saturn // customer service voice // a glass of craft beer // getting lost in the woods // keeper of the keys // chain smoking cigarettes // white tees & denim jeans // brunch on the weekends

(( benevolent , cautious , competitive , disruptive , focused , predictable , resentful , tolerant ))

just take a breath & breathe // crackling of an open fire // many broken promises // mini marshmallows in hot chocolate // drive-in movie theatres // always looking for new beginnings // such a know-it-all // coffee rings on the counter // laughing until your face hurts // always daydreaming // laughing at your own jokes // untamed frizzy hair

(( challenging , conservative , delicate , diligent , helpful , outspoken , protective , power-hungry ))

freshly ground coffee // toes in the sand // lighting incense // freshly cut grass // sunday morning car rides // extra large hoodies & leggings // putting everyone before themselves // knight of the round table // steamed up mirrors // late night study sessions // has a hard time fitting in // random acts of kindness

(( charismatic , determined , difficult , envious , generous , intuitive , reserved , secretive ))

mixed drinks with little umbrellas // the sound of thunder in the distance // best kept secrets // childhood best friends // forgetting to water the plants // postcards from foreign cities // lipstick stained coffee cups // birds flying against the wind // highlighters & post it notes // handwritten love letters // carefree spirits // always notices your flaws

(( compassionate , deceitful , emotional , independent, naïve , stubborn , suave , suspicious ))

remember, always say i love you // morning dew on the grass // anything money can buy // find a penny, pick it up // talking too loudly // radio in the background // three am phone calls // hightide rolling in // most likely to succeed // journals full of emotions // missing the bus // garden full of flowers

PREMIUM MEMBER GROUPS:

(( argumentative , discreet , gullible , non-committal , opinionated , responsible , unhurried , venturesome ))

black suit & tie // days of silence // midnight rendezvous // dirt paths through the forest // enjoys being left alone // doesn't know how to say the word no // actually really sad & a bit lonely // always has to have a plan // you're lucky they showed up // sunrise over the city // lightning flashes across the sky // knows how to get things done

(( blunt , efficient , flamboyant , idealistic , obsessive , old-fashioned , skeptical , sympathetic ))

leather jack & red high heels // sound of rain on an old tin roof // no sudden movement // field of wildflowers // deep heartfelt conversation // just wants to disappear // their way or the highway // difficulty in focusing // instant defensive mode // little black dress // getting lost in thought // drinking from the bottle

(( boisterous , dishonest , energetic , humble , intuitive, progressive , sophisticated , whimsical ))

a dry sense of humor // sending love letters // tongue laced in venom // confidence in what you do // can dish it, but can't take it // likes giving the cold shoulder // hates to be disappointing // doesn't hide behind the lies // glasses on the nightstand // screaming at the top of their lungs // confessing all their sins // loves hard, hates harder

[colonel-insomniac]

Read more of my spongebob work here.

10,000 years will give you such a crick in the neck

Just a quick note, Red Light is a song by The Regrettes and I absolutely love their music style it just feels very 80’s girl pop. So that’s where the song is from, and Lacy Loo, another song by them, is referenced as well. Also a certain voice actors Instagram was the inspiration behind Sponge In The High Seas . It was Tom Kenny, his Instagram handle is TomKennyandthehiseas. I just couldn’t resist.

“You can’t love me, you’re not allowed to…”

Patrick Starr was absolutely smitten with the leader of the popular 80’s style band, Sponge In The High Seas. The band’s leader was a short young boy, 19 years old. He had slightly curly auburn hair that bounced slightly when the music called for it. This boy’s whole aesthetic was mainly pinks, but branched to pastels too.

“‘Cause if you did, I’d probably run from you…”

Tonight, his outfit was a large pink sweater tucked into a pair of shorts with what Patrick can only assume are either cherries or strawberries. Maybe flowers? Anyways, he also had these circular pink sunglasses perched on his nose, although the indoor location and the time of day didn’t really call for them.

Patrick sat in his usual spot, towards the back so as to not be noticed or bothered. Next to him, Sandy was perched on her chair, fidgeting and nervously tapping her fingers against one another. It reminded Patrick of a squirrel, but he wouldn’t dare say that to Sandy.

There are other things he’d never tell Sandy. Like, for example, that he used to know the lead singer of Sponge In The High Seas. Bobby is his name—well, Robert, technically, but he always went by Bobby. He didn’t like his full name for some reason so he would always opt to go by the shortened version.

“You can’t hate me, though you probably do…”

They didn’t have a falling out or anything. Pat had had to leave the beach town he grew up in for a while. It’d been after a fight with his parents, he left and only grabbed his phone, charger, wallet, and car keys. He left and didn’t tell anyone. Didn’t message anyone because he was so desperate to try and keep himself from breaking down. But when he got that first phone call from Bobby, and heard the teary voicemail left when Pat didn’t pick up, he’d had to pull over onto the side of the road. Too many tears, he couldn’t see.

He came to the town roughly a month ago, and found that with no reason to stay, his parents had left. It was kinda disheartening, Patrick thought, to find that his parents hadn’t cared enough to try and find him. And when hed came to his favorite diner and found Bobby on the stage, he had made sure to sit where Bobby wouldn’t be able to see him. He wasn’t ready to face his best buddy yet.

“Cause then I might just die and have to blame you…”

Other than Bobby, the band consisted of one Edward Telford. That part was a shock to Pat, Eddie couldn’t stand Bobby when Pat had skipped town. It was one of his favorite things to think about when he was alone at night.

Pat had managed to come up with all sorts of crazy theories, but none that were probably real. Stranger than Eddie willingly being in a band with Bobby, he was also playing guitar. Pat didn’t know that Eddie could play guitar. Pearl was on drums, which was entertaining to watch, because he knew there had to be some sort of conversation with Eugene Krabbes, Bobby’s manager at the Krusty Krabbe. Or was, Pat didn’t know if Bobby was still working there. Obviously.

“I think it’s about time you go up to him.” Sandy whispered to Patrick, still watching. He knew she was probably right, because Sandy is super smart, but the thought made his stomach clench.

Sandy and Pat had met when Patrick had first come back to town. He was sitting in a grassy park, and she approached him, big smile and country twang. When she’d mentioned Bobby, Patrick had immediately trusted her enough to tell her everything. If Bobby truly let her be close to him, then she’s got to be a good person.

Because although Bobby’s always been super kind to everyone, only a few people got allowed into his close circle.

“I can’t breathe, well maybe that’s okay…”

When Patrick shrugged his shoulders, Sandy let out a quiet sigh: “Now Patrick Starr, you listen to me. Bobby misses you, yer all he talks about.” Patrick shrugs agains and crosses his arms. He doesn’t wanna talk about this right now.

“Do you know why he formed this band?” Pat shakes his head and clamps his hands over his ears. He can’t know. He has a feeling if he knows, he’s gonna spiral out of control.

Sandy pushes gently on his arms, sympathy filling her eyes. “He’s doing other to find you. He told me all about it. Thinks somehow you’ll show up at one of his concerts and approach him.” When he looks at her, she hurriedly adds “don’t give me that look, you oughta know I ain’t told him yet. But that doesn’t mean I feel good about lyin’ to the poor boy. Half these songs are about you, Patrick. I know you ain’t a dimwit, you must’ve figured that out by this point.”

“Maybe I’ll just save it for another rainy day…”

He thinks of the song Lacy Loo, thinks how he thought maybe that song was about him. He’d dismissed it at the time, figuring he’d read too deep. But now, there’s a possibility that it’d all been true.

“I can’t…I’m not ready yet.” Is his response, and he can see Sandy roll her eyes in the dim light. He’s watching her intently, looking for any sign of deception.

“I reckon you’re ready Pat.” She pats his arm lightly. “‘Sides, I told Bobby I’d meet him after he finished tonight.” Pat could feel the blood drain out of his face as he spluttered, managing to hiss out an incredulous ‘what?!’

“I can’t sleep, well maybe that’s alright…”

Sandy nods, and they turn back to face the stage when Bobby talks into the microphone. “Alright folks,” Pat notes the pleasant smile on Bobby’s face. “This is the last song of the night.” Bobby proceeds to laugh at the protests from the audience. The laughter gets a smile out of Patrick, a tiny one.

But now all Pat can think about is the reunion in just a few minutes. He’s so nervous, he can hardly hear the number over his thinking.

Sandy must be able to tell that Patrick is debating running out of the diner because she rests her hand on his wrist and gives him a stern look that glues him in his place. He doesn’t want this, but he’s also too scared of Sandy to shake her off and leave. She knows where he lives, too, so he stays put. Maybe he can slip out before without her noticing.

“I can save my sleeping for another empty night…”

The song ends, and Patrick stands when everyone else does, giving the band a standing ovation. Bobby bows and gestures at Eddie and Pearl, who also bow. Pearl also gives a peace sign at the hoots regarding her as the background vocalist. Pat has to admit she deserves it, her voice is amazing, angelic, Pat thinks.

“Before you all go for the night, please, if you know Patrick Starr and have any information of his whereabouts or safety, please don’t hesitate to let me know.” Patrick’s cheeks heat up in shame, the pleading look in Bobby’s eyes like a stab in the heart.

Sandy grabs Patrick’s arm and steers him towards the stage. Bobby’s turned around and pointing at something as he chats with a crew member. Eddie and Pearl are also not facing him, which is good for the moment. Patrick watches as Bobby runs a hand through his messy hair, and smiles when he catches sight of pink nail polish. Pearl must’ve put it on him.

“Kiss me at the red light one more time…”

Sandy politely waits for Bobby and the care guy to finish talking before she reaches up and taps Bobby on the back.

This happens in slow mo for Patrick, and each second that passes feels like an hour, and he grows increasingly panicked. Adrenaline kicks in as a result, and he has to fight the urge to turn on his heel and leave.

Bobby turns and gives Sandy a beaming smile, hopping off the stage to give her a hug. He hasn’t et noticed Bobby, and that’s the thing everyone loves about him. When Bobby’s talking to you, he gives you his full attention and it makes you feel like you’re the only thing that matters in life.

But it makes Pat shift from foot to foot. He freezes when Sandy gestures in his direction. “I brought someone for you.” Bobby turns, brows scrunched in confusion, but they fly up when he makes eye contact with Pat. His mouth falls open into an ‘O’ shape.

“Every time I think of you feels like a crime…”

Patrick smiles sheepishly, offering a half a wave. Bobby’s hand covers his mouth and his eyes fill with tears. Patrick falters, and sucks in a breath. Go figure he’d mess this up somehow. He gives a pointed look at Sandy, who shakes her head and mouths the word “wait.”

“Bobby—“ is all he whispers before the boy in pink launches himself at Patrick, openly sobbing into Patrick’s hoodie.

“I never thought you’d come back.” Bobby sniffs after a minute, pulling away and apologizing at the tear stains on Patrick.

Pat waves the apology away, claiming it’s not a big deal. And then Bobby’s face gets serious and he grabs Pat’s hand, dragging him to an empty table. “Where were you and why wouldn’t you answer my calls and texts?” He demands and Pat knows that he owes Bobby so much more than an apology, so much more than an explanation.

He explains everything to Bobby, that night in detail. The raised voices, his parents telling him he’d never get anywhere in life because he couldn’t make above a C in anything other than his photography and music classes. Him shooting back claiming he wanted to study in music and photography. Trying to get them to understand that school just didn’t make sense to him. The terms they slung at him that night, hurling each one like a punch to his body.

He explained the split second decision to run away, pulling over when he heard Bobby’s voicemail. How he’d never stopped feeling bad about leaving Bobby. How Bobby hadn’t left his mind once in his absence.

“I could be green, red, orange, purple or blue…”

When he finishes, Bobby’s crying again, eyes swimming with muted anger, sorrow, and hurt. Pat’s heart pangs, because Bobby should never cry. After a moment of silence, Pat whispers “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left and not told you anything.”

Bobby shakes his head, and pulls Patrick into a hug, gripping the fabric of his hoodie like Patrick will disappear if he doesn’t. “I get why you didn’t. You needed to have a bit by yourself.”

Pat rests his chin on Bobby's head, holding his freckled friend close. “Still. I shoulda said something. You woulda known how to keep me from running.”

“Next time come to me. I don’t wanna lose you again Pat.” Pat nods, and he smiles as Bobby draws images into the back of Patrick’s hoodie with his finger. His skin lights up despite the clothing.

“But you’re also amazing on stage. I promise that I won’t run without going to you and even then I’ll try not to run as long as you’re not beside me. Figuratively and literally.”

Bobby pulls away, smiling, and cups Patrick’s chin with his hands, and kisses him once. Patrick’s startled, and Bobby pulls away, muttering a “sorry.”

Patrick’s the one who grins first. “Don’t worry about it. I like you, so….” he trails off, unsure of what to say next.

Bobby laughs. “I like you too, you big dork. I wouldn’t get upset over just anyone leaving me like that.” He rolls his eyes playfully, but the comment stings Patrick a little, and Bobby’s quick to realize it. He cringes, opening his mouth to apologize but pat kisses him. “Don’t worry ‘bout it.”

Bobby grins, and intertwines their fingers as he pulls pat behind him so he can finish cleaning up for the night, trying to make sure Pat won’t disappear. For once, Pat can’t be bothered to even try and complain about cleaning. He just wants to be with Bobby.

“Only if it means that I’m keeping you.”

[21stcenturyhope]

BTS Imagine // Their ideal type (Hyung Line)

Thanks to @eyajoon for the request!

Read maknae line here.

KIM SEOKJIN

It wasn’t a surprise that you kept losing since you kept turning your head to steal glances at Jin. You couldn’t help the smile that came to your face while watching him play Mario Kart. You loved how focused he was when it came to his video games. It was cute in a dorky way.

“I win again! Come on, Y/N! It’s like you’re not even trying.”

“Alright, alright… you caught me. I just didn’t think your fragile ego could handle it if I kicked your ass.”

Your trash talking effectively distracted Jin. He challenged you to yet another rematch which allowed you to continue admiring his near perfect features.

You had known Jin your entire life. Your mothers were best friends growing up and naturally, they passed along their close friendship to their children. As the two of you got older, you noticed the little things Jin did for you that made you slowly fall for him.

He was always taking care of you whether it was picking you up from work, cooking for you or visiting your parents together back in your hometown. Jin was literally Prince Charming reincarnated. But your heart ached every time you reflected on your feelings because there was no way Jin could ever reciprocate your love. You had so many shortcomings in comparison to him and he deserved nothing less than the perfect partner.

“Okay, what’s up Y/N? You keep staring at me and it’s not as fun if you let me win each time.”

Biting your lip, you were hesitant to ask what was really on your mind.

“Um… well… I heard Lee Min Seo approached you the other day and…”

“Ah, is that all? Are you wondering if she really did confess her feelings for me? Well, she did but I’m not surprised. Just look at this face.” He winked at you, trying to lighten the mood.

“Be serious for a minute, Seokjin! Are you two dating now?”

Jin’s vibrant laugh filled the room as he caught your hands in his to prevent you from swatting at him again.

“Lee Min Seo is certainly pretty enough but she’s not really my type. I prefer someone who enjoys my cooking and likes to stay in to play Mario Kart with me.”

A blush came to your face and you stuttered, not knowing how to respond. This didn’t deter the smile from reaching Jin’s face. Was he really referring to you?

“Do I really have to spell it out for you, Y/N? I’m talking about you. You’re the one I like.”

And with that said, Jin finally took the opportunity to lean in for a kiss.

MIN YOONGI

Yoongi always said that one of the reasons why he first approached you was because he thought you knew how to drink. It was true – you were one of the few people that he knew that could drink as well as he did. And countless drinks later, the two of you were now best friends sipping on whisky at your favourite bar in the city.

Per usual, you were quietly sipping on your drink as another girl approached to hit on Yoongi.

Were you really that invisible? It was a little offensive that people would just brush you off as they came to him, assuming that someone like you couldn’t possibly be with someone like him. It had happened so many times now that you were starting to believe it yourself.

To an outsider, you could understand Yoongi’s appeal. He looked like the mysterious, brooding type when he casually leaned against the bar to sip from the drink in his hand. His all-black attire only added to the bad boy aesthetic that seemed to drive all the girls crazy.

It was laughable because you knew that Yoongi was the exact opposite of a bad boy. He had few friends but to those who knew him well, he was extremely loyal and caring. His passion for his music was overwhelming and he always made time to give back to the community in some way. The best way to comfort him when he was upset was to cook for him and just hold his hand. These were the reasons why you fell in love with Min Yoongi.

“And there’s one more broken heart in this bar tonight. Really, Yoongi? Why do you keep turning them down? Do you have something against all these pretty girls? I thought they would be your type.”

“First of all, I don’t have a type. Even if I did, it wouldn’t be based off their looks,” he replied, piquing your curiosity.

“Okay, humour me. If you did have an ideal type, what would they be like?”

Yoongi took a sip from his drink, carefully pondering your question.

“Well, for starters, they would have to love music. It doesn’t have to be as much as I do but it would be nice if they understood the passion behind my song writing. Someone who knows when I need time to myself but also doesn’t let me get too wrapped up with my own demons. Oh! And definitely someone who can hold their liquor.”  

For a moment, you thought he was describing you. But you weren’t foolish enough to believe that Yoongi could actually have feelings for you. You nervously gulped down the whisky in your glass, not knowing how to react.

“I hope you know I was talking about you, Y/N.”

His surprise confession shocked you and you choked on your drink. Yoongi’s bright gummy smile emerged as he handed you some napkins to clean yourself up.

“Come on, Y/N, I thought you knew how to drink!”

You shot him a playful glare for his teasing as he took your hand to lead you out of the bar. The only person Yoongi was taking home tonight (and for the rest of his life) was you.

JUNG HOSEOK

You weren’t even surprised to see Hobi’s shoes by the door when you came home.

Being best friends, Hobi had a key to your place and would show up unannounced at your apartment often and sometimes even when you weren’t home. It was an odd friendship because the two of you were extremely close but had very little in common.

You found him lying on the couch with a blank look in his eyes just staring up at the ceiling tiles, his mouth forming a familiar little triangle. With just one look, you could tell that Hobi was having a bad day. It happened more frequently than people thought.

Hobi always felt an immense amount of pressure to be the happy mood maker around everyone. The expectations could get to him sometimes and he only felt truly comfortable showing his real emotions around a select few, including you.

You knew exactly what to do in this situation. You settled yourself on the couch with Hobi’s head in your lap and began to run your fingers through his hair. You didn’t say anything and waited for him to speak first.

Hobi let out a huge sigh and reached up to grab one of your hands and brought it close to his heart.

“Today has been a shitty day.”

You hummed in response, your free hand still continuing to stroke his hair. You didn’t interrupt, knowing that Hobi would continue at his own pace.

“It was so frustrating, Y/N. Nobody was getting the choreography right today and I think I might have snapped too harshly at Jin hyung.”

Now you understood why he was so upset. Hobi was the type of person who hated conflict and he was always sensitive when arguing with someone he cared about.

“Well, it’s a good thing for you that I have a solution to all your problems. Let’s bake cookies!”

“Cookies?” A smile formed on Hobi’s face for the first time since you came home.

“Cookies. You can give them to Jin as an apology. And if he doesn’t accept, you can eat all of them yourself. Either way, you’re guaranteed to feel much better.”

Hobi’s bright laughter filled the room and warmed your heart.

“See, Y/N? This is why you’re perfect for me.”

A blush crept up your face and you stuttered your response. You’ve had feelings for Hobi for a long time but had never acted on them thinking that your different interests meant you two weren’t compatible.

“Hobi, don’t say that! How can I be perfect for you when we don’t have the same interests?”

“Y/N, be honest with me. Do you like me as more than a friend?”

You nodded, the words unable to come out of your mouth. Hobi softly kissed your hand that was still held in his own.

“Then that’s all that matters. I think we have more in common than you think. I know we share the same values and morals. As long as we care about each other then we can make this work.”

KIM NAMJOON

“Look how pretty this one is!”

It had been a while since you and Namjoon had been able to hang out. So, the first weekend that both of you were free, you took advantage of your parents’ beach house for some one-on-one time with your best friend. The two of you were now taking a walk along the shore to collect sea shells. Well, you were looking for sea shells while Namjoon searched for his crab friends.

Work had kept Namjoon busy the past several months but his girlfriend had kept him busier. You had developed feelings for Namjoon quite some time ago and you were heartbroken to find out he was seeing someone. But what hurt more was that she was almost the exact opposite of you. Knowing that, you realized that you and Namjoon could never be because you simply weren’t his type.

But several weeks ago, Namjoon had ended the relationship suddenly. You didn’t allow yourself to hope for something to happen between the two of you but you were sincerely worried about your friend. This weekend was the first chance you had to talk to him face-to-face since his breakup.

“Namjoon, be honest with me. How are you really feeling?”

“Y/N,” he laughed. “Like I said the past three hundred times you asked me, I’m fine. Really.”

And he really did seem fine. Namjoon was smiling widely which showed off the dimples you adored so much.

“I just don’t get why you broke up with her. It seemed like everything was going well for you two.”

“Sometimes, it’s just not meant to be. The more I got to know her, the more I realized she wasn’t really my type. We weren’t compatible in a lot of ways…”

You nudged him lightly indicating he should elaborate on his answer. Namjoon went silent for a moment as he tried to put together words to best describe it.

“Honestly, Y/N… she wasn’t you. I took for granted all the wonderful things you do for me and how well you truly know me. I broke up with her when I was finally smart enough to realize what I had in front of me all along.”

That was not the answer you were expecting. You remained speechless which made Namjoon a little nervous and so he continued to ramble.

“I promise, Y/N, that you’re not a rebound! My feelings for you are sincere. You compliment me in so many ways and even though it’s not something I thought I wanted, you turned out to be everything I needed. Did I say too much? Have I scared you off?”

“Joon, shut up for a second.”

Before he could continue doubting himself or your feelings, you grabbed him by the collar of his shirt to pull him down for a long overdue kiss.

[the-lady-bryan]

way back in the day, say.... 2007-2008, i worked in a tiny little place called Cassadaga, Florida (and yes, that one Bright Eyes album was named after the town. I actually worked with one of the readers who gave the band readings when they came through.) I worked in a little shop that’s no longer there called The Universal Centre. It’s now called something else, and i haven’t been back in just over ten years.

While working there, as the cashier/receptionist one of my tasks was to show off the selection of tarot and oracle decks that we had. And of all the little shops in town, we proudly had the largest selection - it was always growing, took up an entire wall behind the counter (some of them were over  or around $100 limited runs out of prints - like an ORIGINAL Salvador Dali Tarot deck. Absofuckinglylutly beautiful deck, hence the wall of decks was personally guarded by whomever was working the register at the time). We sold other stuff, too. But I loved the wall of decks. Whenever we would no longer be selling a deck and all we had left was a display deck for customers to hold and handle to see if they liked it before buying, i’d usually buy that last one up if i liked the art or anything.

Anyway, one of the things I liked to do to sell these decks - some of which had sat on the shelf longer than i’d been alive at that point - was to show customers when they asked me “how would you even use this?” I’d do what i liked to call “joke readings” - not serious at all. Just messing about and showing a customer a good way to start using a deck. Sometimes tarot, sometimes oracle. If it was Oracle, I’d show them a few extra uses for them besides giving readings (a lot of them worked great for personal motivation, meditation, reflection, and depending on the subject matter - prayer).these joke readings often turned out to be accurate about the person i was doing it for. we’d have a good laugh, they’d be all fired up to try this at home with others and they’d buy a deck. this never failed to sell a deck. NEVER. I’d push old product, we can get new stuff in. At that time I was so good at my job my boss often asked me when i wanted to start doing actual readings instead of working the counter. I told him that if he did that, he’d get a lot of pissed off people demanding refunds. He’d laugh, not believe me, and we’d go about our day. This happened a lot, and it also helped entertain friends or family of someone there for a reading that could last 30 minutes or longer. Usually if people were having to wait and i did this, they’d turn around and book a reader that same day usually right after their friend was done. i was that damn good at my job.

However, one day... it happened. There was a difficult customer who was being a real total bastard to everyone within sight that worked there. I kept up my polite and courteous and downright friendly and professional demeanor i was known for. And then.... unexpectedly, he came to the counter and demanded to look at the cards. Of course I pulled out deck after deck to show him this one and that one. Eventually, he settled on a deck, and it was one that I’d had experience with since at the time, it was one that personally used when i couldn’t find my normal Manga themed one. I thought “now’s a good time to maybe ease some of the tension here. maybe if i can make the guy laugh, or even just chuckle, my co-workers won’t be feeling so bitchy after encountering this guy”. So i decide to strike up a conversation about the deck he chose as he’s looking at other items in our glass cases. I commented on how the artwork (i was an art major at the time) was very well done and how i felt that a lot of the images were very straight forward in their meaning but also very beautiful - that the artwork didn’t lose the meaning by being super-pretentious and that because of ths, it was a great deck for anyone just starting out or even experienced card readers. this, apparently, was the wrong thing to say as he took it as an assumption that i thought he didn’t know how to use the damned thing. what followed was approximately five minutes of this asshole basically telling me how he’s better than everyone else there. I proceeded to take out my most obnoxious tarot deck - it was one made for teenage girls with a manga theme, and was put out by U.S. Games (not to be confused with one that i still use from the Lo Scarabeo company which, to me, is a superior deck due to aesthetics alone). The only damn reason I had it with me that day was I’d brought it to show one of my co-workers because she was looking for decks for her daughter to learn with and when i told her about it she wanted to check it out before buying. anyway, i then proceeded to give this asshole the full celtic cross with this deck, right at the damn counter in front of other readers, customers, even my boss at this point. i’m polite, but i’m bitchy polite. and i’m not even reading the cards seriously. everything that is coming out of my mouth is basically falsely sweet poison. This guy, just.... this asshole got on my last nerve. I give him the worst possible reading ever, deflecting by saying “it’s not me, it’s the cards. this is what they cards are saying. i’m just the messenger.”

when i got done, i packed up my deck, looked at my boss and said “i’m taking a smoke break” and went outside. one of the readers, who also worked the register sometimes, took over for me until i came back. when i got back my boss hauled me in his office and reamed me for what i did. this is the one and only time he really truly got on my case about this. now, this wasn’t the first time i’d done such a thing. but it was the first time he’d actually witnessed it. the ONLY reason he didn’t fire me was because his wife was there when it happened, and she had seen this before. anyway, i’m told that the guy decided he didn’t want anything after all and had them put back over $400 worth of stuff (decks, jewelry, stones, and a rather nice crystal ball made of flourite).

Now, remember what i said above? about how my joke reading approach NEVER failed to sell a deck? When I walked out of that place on December 8, 2008 that record held solid because about a week after this asshole got the most hateful reading of his life from me, he came back. he bought everything he’d wanted to buy that day and then some. I wasn’t there - i was in classes in daytona beach all day that day. But when I came back to work the next day and my boss told me about the guy, I laughed my ass off and told him that while i can be “right” about people when i do the joke readings, i’m deadly fucking accurate when i’m deliberately trying to be rude, obnoxious, hateful, and downright vile to their face. Because in those moments, i have no reason to be splitting hairs and trying to sugar coat shit. After that I never had a problem with my boss when this would happen because, when someone else asked him later down the line why i wasn’t a reader there, too, his response was “if you want affirmation and understanding you see my readers. but if you need to hear the ugly unvarnished truth just piss off my cashier. she’ll give it to you free of charge, but she’s a bitch about it.”

and for the record, i chose the deck i did because this dude was all gothy and dark and oooooo scary dude. the deck i chose was pink and sparkly and glittery and so damn clearly marketed to super pink fluffy love types that i thought it might add insult to the injury. i totally did.

[arthurhwalker]

Managing Severe Anxiety

Severe anxiety drastically impacts one's quality of life, afflicting one with somatic symptoms, and playing havoc with the social calendar. In the last year, I've had my worst bout with anxiety, and after three trips to the ER, lots of mistakes, trying many things, I finally feel like I'm on the mend. What's worked for me, may not work for everyone, but it may lead a person toward resources for finding their own solutions.

I'm not a doctor, or anything close. I'm a creative, and a thinker, and while I haven't found a silver bullet for severe anxiety, I've found some things that greatly improved my quality of life. Before I begin, I want to state, definitively, none of this is a substitute for therapy, taking your medication, and having a doctor you like. Consider seeking those things first.

Note: Nothing talked about below will fix you, but it might make enduring your severe anxiety less wretched. Read on!

Defining Severe Anxiety

I'm not going to do that here, mainly because I don't want to put a trigger warning on this. If you've had somatic symptoms scary enough to send you to the ER, you can probably put yourself in the severe anxiety category. Severe anxiety doesn't come out of nowhere, it has a trigger, and figuring that out requires professional help.

What allowed my admittedly pretty bad normal anxiety to transform into the more severe variety was a lack of understanding my own body, the processes that regulate it. I've had my mental health fail a couple of times before, and traded a couple of savage blows with depression. I thought because I had basically beaten depression, I was on the other side of it all.

Trauma doesn't work that way. Being fearless doesn't prevent your body from having a biological reaction to staring down death, the threat thereof, injury, tragedy, and loss. Humans survived by keeping a certain standard of evolutionary fitness, and these primordial impulses will not be denied, even in the strongest of us.

Building Awareness

One of the things that contributed to my anxiety was a lack of a baseline relative to how I was feeling physically. My anxiety messes with my digestion, nervous system, and cognition, creating a host of somatic symptoms. I didn't have anything I did every day to create a baseline of awareness into how I was feeling.

Variety might be the spice of life, but rituals are the meat and potatoes.

Fight or flight turns certain sensations off, or down to low. Because the body believes there is danger, it doesn't bother with letting you know you're hungry, or tired, so you can keep fleeing or fighting. If your anxiety is severe, actually feeling tired or hungry can be a welcome sensation, as they become more rare. Anxiety robs one of their physical awareness.

To combat this, I've been doing thirty minutes of yoga every day. There are lots of benefits to low impact exercise, feel free to draw your own conclusions, and do your own research. Yoga won’t work for everyone (find your own thing), but for me, it was a good way to create a baseline.

Whatever you choose, make sure it’s realistic for you to do every day. When I travel, my yoga mat goes with me. I treat it like a prescription bottle of pills, or anything else you don’t leave home without.

So, if I felt bad, but flowed through my yoga, it was probably just my anxiety, and I likely had the physical resources to go on with my day. If I struggled through my yoga, it meant I was probably dehydrated, my sleep was subpar, or I hadn't consumed enough calories recently. Regardless of how I felt, I should probably take it a little slower through my day, and conserve my resources.

Meditation has been a good way to create a baseline for me as well. If I could easily empty my mind, and just be for ten minutes, I probably had the mental resources for outings, shopping, or social excursions. If I struggled with ten minutes of meditation, I might want to seek some solitude, drink some calming tea, or deal directly with whatever is occupying my thoughts.

At the center of both practices is breathing.

Breathing

My anxiety likely comes from an overdeveloped, overworked, fight or flight response. This autonomic response is designed to protect us from all kinds of mayhem. However, it can get so sensitive and overworked that it gets tripped by the smallest things.

We can't really control the rate at which our heart beats, our hormone response to hot and cold, or how quickly, or slowly, we digest food. One of the only autonomic processes connected to fight or flight that we can control, is our breathing. Letting the parts of your brain that control the autonomic process know that you're safe seems to be most easily accomplished with the breath.

Feel free to look up all the recent and not so recent research on the topic. I was surprised to find little conflict. Breathing is good, particularly if you do it correctly.

For me, I breathe from the belly, low and slow. Breathing from the chest is what I did as an athlete to amp up, and it turns out the opposite, low and slow, can bring your autonomic fight or flight response down. That part of your body only gets a little input from the higher functioning parts of the brain, and thus lives mostly in the dark relative to what's going on around you.

Telling myself I'm safe, while breathing low and slow, long and deep, five minutes a day, has really helped me out. It's a good practice to have if you're having a panic attack, and can possess the presence of mind to alter your breathing midstream. What helps me avoid being in that position is to carefully curate the aesthetics of my life, my safe places, both in the real world, and in my mind's eye.

Aesthetic Curation and Positive Association

Anxiety messes with our perception of time. The purpose is to give the mind more space to react to danger. However, it also accentuates discomfort, pain, sadness, and anything else one feels during periods of intense anxiety. Creating positive associations has really helped me.

I hate taking my medicine, so I put a picture of my wife and I at a beach on the medicine cabinet. I think about that cold day on the East Coast when I take my meds. It's gotten to where it takes such a small cognitive toll that I often have to count pills to make sure I took them. That's nice.

Sleep was a problem for a long time. Severe anxiety, fight or flight, for long periods of time, will shut down peripheral systems in the body, like salivary glands, and tear ducts, messing with digestion, and restful sleep. I used to dread going to sleep, so I changed everything I was doing, and took action.

Just to get sleep, I have...

Moved apartments, to one with a smaller and quieter bedroom.

Painted the wall opposite the headboard a soft yellow, nice to fall asleep and wake up to.

Bought a new bed, with an extra layer of memory foam to make it as comfy as possible.

Spent weeks waking up with the dawn, going outside to meet it, to rebuild my circadian rhythm.

Bought a triangular pillow so I wouldn't worry about waking up in the middle of the night to acid reflux.

Procured prescription toothpaste to help with dry mouth.

Keep dental mints in the nightstand so I have options if it wakes me up in the middle of the night.

Use eye drops when my eyes are dry.

Take ibuprofen when I hurt, even if just a little. 

Take a diphenhydramine sleep aid, to make me drowsy, and help me breathe better.

Wear a sleeping mask with a curved covering so the fabric doesn't wick moisture from my eyes.

Wear a buff around my head to keep my long hair from getting pulled if I toss and turn.

Monitor my sleep with an app on my Apple Watch.

Have ear plugs in my nightstand if there happens to be noise in the night keeping me up.

Have the main lighting in our living room set to automatically shut off at bedtime.

Have eliminated all but a couple small lights in the bedroom; night time is bed time.

Go to bed religiously, roughly at the same time, as if it was a sacred ritual.

Talk about something nice with my spouse before I sleep.

Wear blue light blocking glasses in at different times throughout the day.

Use most of my electronic devices in night mode, unless I'm doing visual work for print.

Also: My spouse makes sure I have my favorite tea when I wake up, so I dread the morning a little less. <3

Good golly, that seems like a big list of things, but working on a sleep ritual that works for you is pretty key. There likely isn't a single silver bullet, but a long list of things that make up a ritual. Sleep is the cornerstone where managing my anxiety is concerned.

This was illuminated to me recently while traveling from Wichita, to Seattle, to Anchorage. The return trip was much harder than the initial, with the amount of sleep preceding each bout of travel being the defining factor. I can't burn the midnight oil anymore, I gotta have sleep.

As I alluded to previously, to get proper sleep, I needed a safe place to do it.

Safe Places

Part of my therapy required having a safe place to go, both in the meat space, and in my mind's eye. When we moved apartments, I did everything differently. I don't work at home, and the rigors of what I do can't find me there. Beside my favorite place to sit, is a smaller exact make and color of the blanket I use to sleep. My wife's artwork hangs where I will see it as I leave, and as I come home, a visual signal that I'm entering, or leaving, my safe place.

Creating this neurological baseline took weeks. I was surprised how readily my subconscious mind accepted what my rational self would dismiss as flimsy gimmicks. The autonomic process that regulates our fight or flight is remarkably simple, and the simplest stimulation seems to work best. In other words, the closer to whimsy, the better.

In my mind's eye I had to create a safe place. For me, it was Coronado Heights in Lindsborg, Kansas. It's a tiny castle on a hill, a strange thing to see in the rural Midwest. It's quiet there, and I have reconstructed it in every detail in my mind's eye. How the stone feels at the hand, the smell, the wind, the way the inner chamber echoes, the reddish hint the soil has there, everything.

I've used it as an internal focus for dealing with the banality of my life. In the worst of times, my wife and I would flee to Lindsborg for the weekend to recharge. If I have to do something I don't want to do, I wear a t-shirt I bought at one of the shops in Lindsborg. When I take a shower the day of that difficult task, I use scented soap I bought at one of the stores in Lindsborg. I've made that tiny idyllic town my cognitive safe space, and built many positive associations with it.

Recently, a high school student (and aspiring graphic designer) made a t-shirt, looking like a vintage travel advertisement for Coronado Heights. It's gorgeous on it's own merits, but has special meaning for me. I look at that shirt the same way I would ballistic armor. It is a neuro-cognitive trigger, and countermeasure.

This isn't the only way to create positive association however. Emotional support animals can die, and special places can be bulldozed, but these things wouldn't be precious if they weren't vulnerable, and finite. Being able to build new, even baseless positive association is important. I used to scoff at people that named their cars, or had sentimental attachment to objects.

I kinda get it now, in moderation.

My spouse and I found these tiny plastic chickens in a shop full of Wichita themed items. We decided the chicken is lucky, and made it a totem of travel, so we can safely return home. I carry my tiny totem in the case for my glasses, a reminder to keep my perspective. During our last trip, my spouse lost her tiny chicken somehow. We'll have to go get her another one, but the association here is simple.

So much of what causes anxiety is beyond our control. Sometimes it is the silliest thing that can dispel that helplessness. A tiny plastic chicken that makes you smile can have an enormous impact on your mindset. Humans use totems as part of their association with everything, their relationships, and their fears. The plastic chicken is just my way of gaming that particular societal construct.

Also, I can always get another plastic chicken if it is lost, no fucks given.

Not Giving a Fuck

The Internet has given rise to the notion that our ability to care about things is measured by a resource referred to colloquially as "fucks". There's pop culture and self-help books a plenty that hold to this concept. I think the use of profanity in this case is uniquely appropriate because it gets a person's attention. There is a stark and necessary distinction between "no", and "fuck no".

Managing my anxiety has often been directly proportional to managing what sort of things I give a fuck about, and when. Telling someone that I don't want to hear about what they don't like, and that I would prefer to hear about what gives them joy, changes the flow of fucks immediately. Avoiding the wasteful distribution of fucks to things that only feeds my helplessness has been vital.

Stopping myself midstream (usually right before I post or respond to something on Facebook, haha) and saying internally, "No, I'm not giving a fuck about that, moving on," has been a powerful thing. I've immediately, and definitely, given myself permission to not expend emotional resources on a given thing. I put my fucks safely back where they belong, in the bank, to be spent on things that really matter to me.

Educating myself about the known science behind anxiety has helped me be merciful toward myself. Specifically when I fail to act, or act or perform badly due to my anxiety. I can understand that the malfunction isn't a weakness, but an overdeveloped safety mechanism that I've had to rely on too much.

Saving my fucks, as a cognitive resource, gives me the space to endure when I would otherwise succumb to a panic attack.

Space

Managing anxiety, for me, is about creating distance with my fears, and surrendering to forces I cannot control. There is no one thing that creates that distance, and getting space is usually a combination of things that I've done as part of my ritual of wellness. I've tried supplements, fad diets, functional medicine, aroma therapy, and some cringe-worthy new age bullshit to manage my anxiety.

What shines through is I seem to win in finding the things that let my brain stem and limbic system know I'm actually safe. To that end, the simple things that tap into the few narrow means of communicating with our autonomic selves seems to work best. Identifying what trips your anxiety is pretty important in getting space away from it.

My phobias and fears are deeply rooted in my subconscious, to the degree my body responds even if I'm not thinking about it. It's the stimulus that is the mind poison. My physical resources play directly into whether or not I panic, or fly through those situations safely. I have to (as my father calls it) front load for life, and forgive myself when those preparations fail.

Sometimes, nothing will keep me from a crash. How soft the landing, and how quickly I bounce back, are directly related to how well I front loaded. Our bodies can't turn on a dime, and most of the countermeasures I've developed took weeks or months to take hold. I had to keep a journal of my symptoms, and chart my progress in a spread sheet to unlock what worked.

Even as I write this, my guts are trying to make a fist, and I'm feeling a little low. I know from months of experience that my sleep last night wasn't optimal, and I'm 90 minutes past when I usually eat lunch, and that is all this is. Having that knowledge, took time and a hard won deep understanding of myself.

You'll get there. Hang on. You'll get there. That's my mantra.

Nuts and Bolts

It's important to listen to your body. Ignoring your pain or discomfort, for me, has made my fight or flight response, my anxiety, worse. It tells my body things are bad enough I can't stop to rest, or eat, or seek solace. If I hurt, I take pain medication. If I'm constipated, I take a laxative. If I'm tired I rest. If I'm hungry, I eat. If I'm thirsty, I drink. I'm never far from some ibuprofen, my water bottle, a bag of lightly salted almonds, or a place to rest. I know where all the quiet coffee shops and libraries in Wichita happen to be.

Full Princess Mode, all the time, everywhere I go. I don't take on cognitive liability I can avoid, and I don't take risks with my mental health or safety. When I travel, I engage in the least amount of cognitive liability I can, and plan ahead.

I don't make myself do anything I know I don't have the resources for. I freely cancel appointments, politely decline new responsibilities, log off early for sleep, and engage in other culturally "selfish" behaviors. I don't ride the line with this either, and my sleep app has a keen feature, recording how much "credit" I have in my Sleep Bank. I'm shooting for double digit returns, eventually.

This frees me to make sure I am able to attend things that are important to me. I don't want to miss another wedding, birthday, or family reunion because I'm a wreck. I want to have the resources to do the important things, do my work, and spend time with people I love, for as long as possible.

Conclusion

Tell me what works for you in the comments. I genuinely care about this topic, and I don't think we can ever possess enough resources for life. I hope you found something useful in the text above, and that your tomorrow is better than today. Peace.

Recommended Reading

“The Body Keeps The Score” by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. - This has a lot of the science behind anxiety. Been my anxiety Bible for the last year.

“Mindsight” & “Aware” by Daniel J Siegel, M.D. - Useful science stuffs, mixed with complicated new age meditation jibber-jabber. Meditation need not be so complex, at least for me, books are still interesting and useful. 

“The Pocket Guide to the Polyvagal Theory, The Transformative Power of Feeling Safe” Stephen W. Porges - Just got this one, haven’t vetted sources, but could be good.

[the-brokendoll]

About the Blogger (5 years later)

Let’s see what has changed in the past five years! Everything that is bold is my updated response. 

Birthday: April 10, 1998 Same

Gender: Female Yep

Height: Just found out I’m 5′5″ I thought I was 5′4′’ lmao

Eyes: They’re just brown, but I have very pretty shaped eyes. Facts

Hair: Right now I have shoulder length hair that is magenta…kind of lol My hair is right at my boobs, and the tips are dyed purple. Prepare for a trim tho.

Freckles: No freckles lol Still no

Zodiac: I’m an Aries, and I see this in my personal life but never in the bedroom. I’ve really grown into my Aries self, but my Libra moon has been affecting my relationships lol

Relationship Status: I have a daddy, but he lives in Georgia :( Very Single atm lol

Sexual Orientation: Pansexual Woooah Pansexual Gang!

Do you tan easily?: I burn easily. Since I live and mainly work on a beach during the summer I have kinda tannish skin, but compared to everyone else I’m paper white. I got an extreme sunburn freshmen year of high school. lol I hardly see the sun nowadays, thank you Lithium!

Do you wear glasses?: Well I should, but I don’t. I put them on if I can’t see something in class. Damn, I have yet to get new glasses lol

Do you have any tattoos?: Not yet, no. Yeah I have a small friday the 13th tattoo on my upper thigh. I want so many more though. 

Siblings: I have two older brothers and an older half-sister. I’m Grateful to still have them in my life and now I have 3 nephews and 1 niece. 

Favorite Colors: I really love green and maroon. Not together… I loooove a soft and pretty pastel pink.

Pets: I have a poodle, she’s my princess. Mili is still my Princess, and she has two Cat sisters now. 

Favorite Artist: I love love love Senses Fail, Silverstein, and Saosin. I also love Marilyn Manson and William Control. I’ve been really listening to rap lately, I love Lil Skies, Global Dan, and Lil Wayne in particular. I tend to get obsessed with artists. lol

What would you classify your style: Lately, all I’ve been wearing are yoga pants and tank tops. So like gym attire. My style now has a cute goth aesthetic to it. I like dressing like a thot as well. (:

Celebrity you look most like: I have no idea lol I don't pay attention to celebrities lol

Are you athletic/curvy/skinny/average: I’m curvy…I guess. Curvy for sure lol I’ve lost a lot of weight after gaining it all in HS/college. 

Whats your favorite feature: I like my eyes and lips, oh and my pussy is extremely beautiful. I really like my face, I think it’s cute. 

Least favorite: um, my arms I guess. I still hate my arms

What time do you wake up: I try to be up by like 8:30 am on weekdays and I shouldn’t sleep past 11 am on weekends. I wake up at 5 am every morning, unless I sleep in until 8am lol

What kind of phone do you have: I have the Samsung Galaxy S6. Oh God the shame lol....I have an iPhone 7 lmao.

[meli-productions]

Do You Even Know Me

TW: Self-Harm/Suicide Mention; Cursing;

Is it possible that no one knows the real me? That I’ve sequestered away everything that makes me individual?Do you know who I am? Do you know my favorite color is purple? That I love the moon and because of that I’ve been a fan of Artemis since I was 9? That I love mythology? Do you know that I love to snuggle and find comfort in touch but that the only person I do it with is my little sister because she’s the only one that lets me? That I love greenery, walks in nature, the beach, the sun? That I can still get on the level of little children, play pretend with them, play in ways that embarrass adults sometimes, that embarrasses me? 

Do you know that I truly don’t envy what others have, that I’m truly happy about the happiness of others? It doesn’t make me jealous - just furious at myself because I’m my only barrier? I want to travel, go HOME, but I’m afraid of the money it would take, of leaving my family needy. I’m afraid of my mother. Her volatile back and forth of emotions are hard to predict and I’m the only one who can protect the others, though I’m afraid it’s cost me my health. 

Did you know that I am more numb than not? That I smile and laugh, then default to emptiness? I hate myself more for what I’ve deprived myself of than because of what I am. But I still hate my body, every roll, hair, smile, inch of skin that I want to rip off. I have a terrible tongue, I curse like a fucking sailor but can control myself well because I don’t want people to think terribly of me. I think that I’m funny but I’m afraid to share my humour because I’m afraid to annoy others - because they’re dumb jokes that people might not get. I love to look pretty even though I don’t think I’ll ever be pretty and I hate it when people say things about it because I don’t like drawing attention to myself. I want a family of my own: a husband, children, a home, a type of life I don’t have to share. I love solitude…but wouldn’t mind being invited to places every once in a while. I’m a lot more talkative than anyone has ever heard me be…but no one is ever interested in my life and I don’t want to annoy anyone with my fixations. Plus, people don’t listen and who would I even talk to? And I’m not good at talking, I’m always better at writing to express myself. I don’t find myself desirable - in a romantic or friend/platonic way. I think I’m fat and ugly and, unfortunately, those are things that may never go away. 

I’m afraid I’ll never find love. I’m afraid I wasted my life on him. I am, unfortunately God-fearing, not God-loving, and think that everything God gives is an exchange, not a gift. I play Pokemon Go. I will always call a dog a puppy - they are puppies. Sometimes I think I’ve considered people friends when we never were…but I don’t take it back. I think my sister is my best friend - and isn’t that sad. Sometimes I think life would be better off without me, or rather that it makes no difference if I’m here or not. I hate wearing shoes. I hate wearing pants. I love wearing jewelry. The only reason I’ve never tried committing suicide is because it’s too messy. I’ve pierced both ears twice and am planning a third/fourth for one ear and three/four tattoos - two of which are meant to deter me from hurting myself in the future. I love decorating things. I love architecture. I love theatre, acting, singing, and at one point thought I could be talented enough to do a bit of it - if only for fun. That dream is extinguished.

Like the big nerd that I am, I love books and reading. I still like watching animated shows because that’s how I disconnect from the bad shit. I love wolves and otters. I cry when I see cute things. I’m not ashamed of my cringe-side: the fandom side, the fanfiction side, I just know people won’t understand. I’m asexual and when my body craves that arousal I’m disgusted by it, it’s why I feel awkward when people talk about me in a “cute”,“attractive”, what’s the word I’m looking for, way - because I’m not. I love to sleep because sleeping means dreaming and dreams mean a world where I don’t feel the hurt. I’m afraid of dying alone. I’m afraid of being forgotten - hell, I’m already forgotten. People haven’t even realized I’m gone from their lives. I’m afraid of being abandoned and I’ve only ever told one person. I’m afraid of clowns and heights and giant roaches freak me out - so do bridges. I think that people like to condescend me because I’m younger. Sometimes I think that I’m too fucking innocent for my age and that I’m too childish.

I’m afraid that I grew up so fast I never got to be a child. I’m afraid I’ve wasted my youth trying to be responsible. I’m afraid that I’m losing time. I hate feeling like someone’s pet project. I’m tired of pretending I’m alright. I want to have someone to break down in front of, but don’t think I’d know how to. I love hiding in a nest of blankets and pillows. Sometimes I prefer watching children’s shows because they have better vibes. Sometimes I’m embarrassed by how much better I feel around younger people than people my own age - maybe it’s because they’ve accepted me better. I want to be able to travel and explore the world. I know that it’s my fault no one reaches out to me - because when people offer me support I don’t take it - I can’t take it, they have their own lives to live and worry about rather than a hot mess like me. I think that my grandmother would be disappointed in me, perhaps always disappointed in me. I’m afraid that I’ll never love again - but I’d rather never love again. I am a luddite and would rather write and do things by hand. Which is why I love pens and journals and paints. I love helping others and I get drained so easily, but I would do it again. But I refuse help from others because I can’t open up, I can’t let myself be seen as weak, I can’t let myself be a burden. I’m afraid that I’m trapped here forever, that I’ll never have a life of my own. 

I’m afraid I’ll never be enough. I want to learn archery and, unfortunately for me, I admitted that to myself when Hunger Games was a thing and everyone thought it was because of that. I have a strong aesthetic and I stick to it. I believe in natural remedies and have a collection of herbs to help - and have some skills in that. Maybe you can call it magic, but it’s whatever. I love candles. I love meditating. I love coloring books and chalkboards. I get irrationally hyperfixated on things and characters. I enjoy things being organized and clean. I love photography. I actually love poetry books.And so many more things that I can’t even think of right now.

[someobscurereference]

im cryinfg that leo textpost is such? a mood?? ive never heard a more accurate summary of the odin/leo/niles. were u thinking of anything in particular when u wrote it?

(anon is referring to this post) lmao, I was mostly thinking of that canon scene where Leo realizes Odin and Niles are spying on him because he hears them, like. Laughing from behind a pillar and he’s like, “I told you guys to stay home” and they’re like “but we just Worry About You So Much” and Leo is just: “your faces are too close. please. i need Space” and you Know that’s a recurring thing. They would follow him to the market, standing 20 feet behind him whispering conspicuously, if they thought he needed their help.

And then again!! In the Beach DLC!! Everyone wants to fight to go to the beach, except Leo straight up doesn’t like the beach and doesn’t want to go. Meanwhile, Thing 1 and Thing 2 want to fight anyway because Odin really likes the aesthetic/narrative imagery of Leo on the beach looking out to sea and Niles insists Leo secretly wants to go (when he really doesn’t) and says Leo will have to go “Even if Odin and I have to slather you in suntan lotion ourselves.” LIke??? What a squad. The pushiest friends in the world. And then this exchange right after:

Leo: “Fine—I’ll go just to get away from you two. Great. Now I’m going into battle irritated. You’d better cover me.”

Odin:“I will have your back, Lord Leo. And your front, sides, and parallel dimensions.”

Could you imagine being with these jokers 24/7? I love them!! But also Leo has to be sighing/exasperated from it too. Also in his battle quote, Niles straight up admits he knows Leo doesn’t want to go but he’s basically making him go because it’s fun. And then Leo’s quote is basically: “These two are fighting so I guess I have to try too” because he’s not gonna slack off when they’re trying so hard (he’d put up a fight if he really, really hated the idea, but you know he’s dreading the thought of that hot, hot beach sun. But he loves them and they care, so he’s gonna put in some effort)

Leo: “Well, we won. How awful.”

Outside their supports (where they get into a bit of an argument but then apologize to one another), Niles and Odin are nearly constantly joking, it seems. Leo is able to find them when they’re spying on him because of their laughter. Odin is constantly narrating his life unless Niles/Leo tell him to knock it off, and Niles says shit like “What’s this? An eavesdropper? How long have you been lingering at my eaves, Odin?” plus all his pervy jokes. Like. Could you imagine. Being around them all the time. Don’t get me wrong, they all love it, but it is a joke-fest near constantly. And when I say Leo is around them all the time, I do mean he has practically no personal space. (Again, I love them)

(non-canon and maybe shipp-y blabbles under the cut)

This is basically the same as before, but you know Leo has zero personal space. If they’re ever sharing a bed, Niles and Odin are probably on either side of him, cuddling him to death and Leo is Overheated and Tired and Odin probably snores in his ear and Niles is teasing in his other ear and nobody gets to sleep, really (actually everyone except Leo gets to sleep) (I briefly mentioned this scenario before in this ask)

The thing is, Leo knows Niles and Odin are super capable adults. Leo has stated in-canon that Odin has completed impossible tasks and Niles has been as Leo’s side for even long, most likely doing all the work Leo only trusts him to do. They are very capable and responsible. They’re also total morons, and if Leo hears them argue over who can kiss Leo more in one day, he’s probably going to explode. 

[vixxscifiwritings]

The Bias Wrecking of Cha Hakyeon

AU - Fanboys!AU Genre - Fluff/Comedy Warnings - None Word Count - 1214

Summary - In which Hakyeon has feels but would rather not thank you very much.

Find all parts here

Cha Hakyeon is the world's number one fanboy for 6Keys. Or so he claims. And while that is debatable, it is quite understandable that when 6Keys drops teasers for a new mini album Hakyeon has trouble breathing.

“AAJDHDAKALDGDKSLS” he garbles when his twitter explodes.

“AHSVEGWKAKALWLLL” Jaehwan agrees

“You're both extra” Taekwoon insults them causing them to be offended. But he's looking at the teaser pictures too and that just makes Hakyeon indignant.

“I think they have Ara as the main character this time. That's why she is in the centre” Jaehwan theorizes. Hakyeon nods thoughtfully. Jaehwan’s fan theories have known to be true in the past.

“I should share these with Wonshik” Jaehwan nods to himself.

“It’s a standard cute summer concept” Taekwoon says.

“Thank god. We had a horror concept last time. I'm ready for party times” Jaehwan said.

“The intro song still gives me chills when I listen to the album” Taekwoon agreed. Jaehwan nodded in agreement. He wondered why Hakyeon was not saying anything.

“Earth to Cha Hakyeon” Jaehwan said, poking the elder boy.

“Is he ‘dead’ because of how cute Haneul looks AGAIN?” Taekwoon asked. He loved Hakyeon but he could not take days of endless fanboying.

“You guys, is it just me or does Bora look extra cute?” Hakyeon asked, snapping out of his daze.

“Bora?” Jaehwan asked. Bora was the second eldest in the group and the love of every member of 6Keys. She wasn't the most popular in terms of number of fans but she had the most loyal fans. Often silent or sarcastic, the running joke in the fandom was that if you fell for Bora, you would be hooked to 6Keys.

Jaehwan guiltily scrolled up. He had just glanced over the other members’ pictures and gone to Ara’s since she was his bias. The 3rd teaser to be released was Bora's. She was wearing a simple red top and white skirt and relaxing by the pool. Her hair was light brown this time as opposed to black and she did look really pretty in the shot.

“Whoa” Hakyeon said trailing off….

“So… Bora looks pretty” Jaehwan started. Hakyeon nodded in response.

“She looks downright beautiful” he said with conviction. “I can't believe people have been sleeping on her. She's a talented singer and she is so funny and clearly very pretty. No wonder everyone loves her.”

If Taekwoon didn't know any better he would think Hakyeon’s epiphany was about to lead him to nirvana or something.

“Dude. Did you just get bias wrecked?” Jaehwan asked, laughing at Hakyeon’s antics.

“What? No!” Hakyeon protested. “I'm just admiring how talented she is!”

“You've practically been swooning at her picture. You haven't even talked about Haneul since the teasers released” Taekwoon commented.

“That's because Haneul is the love of my life and brightest shining star of the entire universe and that goes without saying!!” Hakyeon replied automatically.

“But Bora is beautiful” Jaehwan put in.

Hakyeon glared but his cheeks were red and that gave Jaehwan the answer he wanted.

“I'm not being bias wrecked” he told Jaehwan.

“No no” Jaehwan said, absolutely assured otherwise.

Hakyeon’s eyes narrowed. He knew that Jaehwan was the most persistent man alive and this was about to come bite him in the back very soon.

-x-

“Why aren't you panicking yet?” Taekwoon asked.

“I don't panic. I fanboy. Excuse you” Hakyeon said grumpily. “And I am not looking to my phone because that evil spawn of Satan Jaehwan has been spamming me with Bora's pictures” he added ruefully.

“Well you've just missed the release of Haneul’s pictures” Taekwoon pointed out.

“Haneul? Not Minah? I was so sure they would release Minah’s next!” he said, grabbing his phone. Sure enough, the 6Keys website had new pictures of Haneul at the beach as opposed to Minah. Hakyeon grinned. As expected, she looked very pretty.

“There's one of her and Bora too that she shared on instagram. She was very happy about having convinced Bora to take a picture with her” Taekwoon added. Hakyeon had already opened up instagram and found the picture before Taekwoon had finished that sentence.

“They are both so beautiful” Hakyeon sighed.

“Yeah. Doesn’t Bora look cute in this picture?” Taekwoon asked. Hakyeon glared at him before putting his phone away.

“I hate you. I hope you know that” he added for small revenge.

“I am well aware. You should check out Hongbin’s tumblr. He made some pretty cool summer aesthetic mood boards for the girls” Taekwoon said, scrolling on his phone.

“Really?” Hakyeon asked with a bright smile. Hongbin had one of the best 6Keys dedicated blogs around. He was well known in the fandom for his editing skills. Wonshik wrote the best fanfiction and Hongbin always made posters for him. The duo were legendary.

“Waaah. Red cherry lipstick, strawberry shakes… Haneul’s is totally on point” he nodded.

“So is Bora’s” Taekwoon told him.

Hakyeon scrolled down to find Bora’s mood board. It was a compilation of the recent pictures of her on the beach in a green sundress edited to accentuate the yellow. There was a mint cooler in the sun, pretty yellow flowers spread across the green lawn, a collection of books in dark green covers and vast forests. It was funny how each part could be a character trait. The mint cooler because Bora was a cool and chill person. Yellow flowers across a green lawn because when she smiled the world lit up. She loved to read so the books were always a given. And vast forests because she was philosophical.

Hakyeon sighed. Bora really was amazing. It made him giggle a little that they shared a love for books between them. It was a nice thought. A small cozy home with the biggest room being a library. They could compete to see who had the better book collection. He would steal her books sometimes but never admit to reading it. Or hot chocolate on rainy days where they passionately discussed plotlines and characters. Maybe someone would finally understand his love for misunderstood characters and take part in the feels.

His heart suddenly dropped.

Did he just get feels from a god damned moodboard?!?!?!?!?!

He screamed and threw his phone onto his bed, right next to where Taekwoon lay.

“Oh, did you get to the part of the new chapter that Wonshik uploaded where Haneul dies?” Taekwoon asked smugly.

“HANEUL DIES???” Hakyeon asked, sinking into despair.

“Oh shit. Did I just spoil the new chapter for you?” Taekwoon asked guiltily.

“I hate all of you” Hakyeon cried, jumping onto the bed and burying his head into his pillow. Taekwoon cried when Hakyeon accidentally hit him while flailing.

“Hate Jaehwan. He was the one who has been helping Wonshik with the new fanfic. And probably Hongbin because I saw you daydreaming at the moodboard. Coincidentally, under Haneul’s moodboard Hongbin also thanked Jaehwan for requesting a series” Taekwoon told him.

“Why is he out to get me?” Hakyeon cried into his pillow.

“All Aries men are evil” Taekwoon said, trying to console Hakyeon by patting him on the back. Hakyeon cried in reply and Taekwoon just soothed him over by saying “There, there”.

But to be honest watching Jaehwan bias wreck Hakyeon unintentionally was the funniest thing to him.