#thought i would clarify cause i sometimes think that.

[epsilon-system]

It's still bad. But I'm getting better. I saw a post on here once basically saying that as life goes on, "I want to die" turns into "I want to live". For me, I'm currently in between and moving forward, although very slowly. A lot of my thoughts day to day are still "I want to die", but most of them are things like "I want to take a shower" or "I want to go on a walk". It goes up and down a lot, sometimes I'll not be able to move or get out of bed, sometimes I will wake up super early to go on a walk or have breakfast. I'm aware this was not the point of the original post, that the original one was a variation of 'it gets better' and I appreciate that post and its original poster. But that's not how depression works for a lot of people, me included. For people like me the thoughts of death linger in the back of our minds basically forever, locked away with medication. But there are still so many days where I think "I want to live", and they're very slowly overpowering the thoughts of "I want to die". My thoughts right now at the time of writing this are "I want to take a shower" and "I want to draw". For people like me, you can't defeat it, but it can get better. Living can get easier, although it takes a lot of time and effort. Sometimes, the hardest route has the best ending.

I still want to die. But I'm getting better.

[hallwyeoo]

I think I love bingqiu so much because to be loved is to be known and they are both so terrified of that. There is so much there, so many pretenses, so much history and hurt. Sy is constantly putting on a mask, hardly ever being his “real self”, and lbh has a bucketload of trauma regarding his identity and acceptance of that. They’re so insane but also so real and I hate love them for that.

[drchucktingle]

recently i wrote art post where i said this (see attached screenshot). this has caused a few buckaroos to interpret this as supporting 'death of the author' idea, but i would like to clarify i do not believe in death of the author. i think it is literally impossible to separate artist from art

dang basic thought is this. your experience will inform your take on an artists work, sometimes in big ways and sometimes in impossibly small ways. art is not static. if you enjoyed book and then the writer did something bad your feelings about that art will change whether you want them to or not

one way it could change is you could feel bad when you see their books and stop buying them, another way it could change is you could remember what they did and still buy, but BOTH THOSE THINGS are a new experience of the art. even art with an unknown creator is FRAMED by you not knowing them

in other words the absence of information effects your perception just as much as information. there is no escaping that we do not trot in a vacuum and art will always be framed by what you ate that day or where you stand while looking at it or what the creator did or did not do 

so i do not believe in art vs artist separation because i dont believe it is possible. when i say 'just because i made a piece of art does not mean i know it better than you do' i mean exactly that, we are BOTH connected to the art and there is no GREATER ART AUTHORITY saying correct way to connect

when i say ‘i am not the expert on my art just because i made it' that does not mean ‘the author is dead’. it means ‘we are both the author’

[ellecdc]

Elle have you ever felt the urge to write more swim lessons with the marauders? I’m not usually much of a “part 2??” person but when I read that one I thought it was begging for a continuation. No pressure though!! Only if you feel like it, thanks for writing the first one at all :)

wellllllllll, since you asked so nicely (no but I'd literally do anything for you, just name the price - also, this feels like a full circle moment since the first part was absolutely not heavily influence by my love for your EMT!marauders...........)

swim instructor!marauders x fem!reader who learns that praise kinks are a transferrable skill

find part one here!

CW: joking about drowning each other, nerves surrounding learning how to swim, inappropriate jokes because.....well.....you know.

You had left last week's swim lesson (which you had dubbed your latest near death experience) quite certain you would rather just enjoy the white-sand beaches of the Maldives by the waterline.

That is until perhaps the third time someone joked about bringing you a set of water wings, and the second time someone pointed out the horrid tan lines those would leave on your skin. 

So here you were, sitting on a bench in the posh dressing room of the posh country club that your friend’s fiance’s posh family owned as you waited for the rest of the patron’s to clear out of the pool for your private swim lessons.

Oh God, what if you were expected to compensate them for this too?! 

You were so consumed in your spiralling - wondering if you could manage to take out a line of credit simply to attend your best friend's wedding - when you heard your name being called into the change room. 

“You in there?” You could hear Remus call.

“Yup!” You called back; horrified when your voice cracked. “I’m coming.” You added after clearing your throat.

You reluctantly grabbed your towel and hugged it to your chest as you headed towards the pool.

“There she is!” Sirius called as he spotted you. “Our favourite swimmer!”

“I’ve not actually done any swimming yet.” You corrected quietly. Not quietly enough, unfortunately, as the acoustics in this room seemed to carry your words to the black haired swimmer and his bespectacled counterpart across the entire pool.

“You won’t be able to say that for much longer!” James countered.

Remus apparently noticed the panic look form on your face as he let out a low chuckle. “We’re staying in the shallow end today, love. There’s no need to worry.” 

You wanted to be annoyed with him at his incessant use of pet names and endearments, but any ire that may have bubbled in your chest simply vanished when he flashed you a soft, crooked smile. 

You watched then as James and Sirius launched themselves into the pool without a second thought whilst Remus gently lowered himself into it from the edge. 

You weren’t proud that you had to force yourself to look away from the muscles in his shoulders as they flexed under his weight. 

“How tall are you?” Sirius asked then, causing James to gasp dramatically.

“You’re not supposed to ask a lady that, Pads.” He scolded. 

“No.” Sirius countered slowly. “You’re not supposed to ask them how much they weigh.” 

“I don’t think you’re supposed to ask them anything to do with numbers; weight, age, height.” James continued.

“Age!? What can you ask them?” Sirius beseeched.

“Would you sods shut up?” Remus grumbled. 

“Right.” Sirius said then, apparently remembering himself. “I only ask because you should be able to touch the bottom here; why don’t you try getting in like Moony did?”

You felt your brows furrow as you looked at Sirius in bemusement. “Moony?”

“That’s me.” Remus clarified as he let out a sigh of exasperation; you couldn’t help but notice the shy blush that took over his face and threatened to spread to his chest at the moniker, however. “He’s Pads, and James is Prongs. Sometimes. Right now, they’re sod 1 and sod 2.”

His insult was met with one indignant ‘oi!’ and a retaliatory splash. “But what Sirius was trying to say was that it would be good practice getting in and out without a gradient; you said the wedding was in the Maldives?”

You nodded in response. 

“You may at times only have the edge of a dock or perhaps a small staircase to get into the water; doing this in the shallow end will help train your body not to go into fight or flight mode each time.”

And while that all sounded well and good, you couldn’t help but look at the water warily. 

“Come on.” Sirius encouraged you as he situated himself below you and patted the edge of the pool. “Have a seat, doll.”

You bit back a grumble and did as you were told, sitting on the edge of the pool where Sirius stood between your legs and set his hands on either side of you. “Then you just slide in, and I’ll be here to catch you; got it?” 

“Is there gonna be a tattooed bloke in the Maldives to catch me too?” You grumbled to yourself, horrified when Sirius’ bark of laughter alerted you to the fact that you had said that out loud.

“Why, you looking for a date, doll?”

You have got to stop blurting out every thought that enters your mind, especially around these men.

Instead of dealing with your embarrassment, you figured you may as well just try drowning.

Unfortunately for you, the water was shallow and you were tall enough to touch the bottom and Sirius had caught you, so it looked as though you would just have to deal with your embarrassment like a mature adult.

But fuck that.

So instead, you splashed him. 

“Oh she’s feisty today.” James commented as Sirius squawked something or other about his hair.

Humour danced behind Remus’ whiskey eyes as he considered you. “Thank you for splashing him so I wouldn’t have to.”

“We should invest in some of those spray bottles for when he’s being a pest.” James called over with a smirk.

Whatever qualms Sirius may have had about his hair seemed to dissipate at the prospect of dunking his mate as he lunged for James and forced them both under the water.

You were mortified to realise you had leaned into Remus’ side to avoid getting tangled up in whatever underwater brawl was taking place; only realising your proximity to the tall swim instructor when he placed a placating hand on your back. 

“This is actually what we’re going to be practising today.” He explained as his two counterparts emerged from the water with gasping breaths.

“Drowning each other?” 

“Holding our breath.” Remus corrected you with a smirk. “The hope is that you will feel more comfortable in practising if you’re not so worried about what will happen when you’re underwater.”

“We’re gonna have a cheeky seat at the bottom of the pool!” James explained.

You looked to Remus with what you were sure was a ‘you’re kidding me, yeah?’ face who simply smiled at you encouragingly. 

“I thought the purpose of swim lessons was to not end up at the bottom of a pool.” You deadpanned. 

“The purpose of swim lessons is to avoid ending up at the bottom of a pool, and knowing how to get back up to the surface when you do.” Sirius offered.

“We’ll just lower ourselves to our knees and-”

“My favourite position.” Sirius interrupted Remus’ instructions.

“James?” Remus deadpanned.

“On it.” James answered quickly as he put Sirius in a headlock and dunked them under the water again. 

“As I was saying,” Remus continued without the distraction of the other two, “we’ll lower ourselves to our knees, try to count to 10, and then we’ll come back up.”

The other two instructors reemerged at the end of Remus’ sentence and you let out a heavy breath. “I don’t think I can do this.” You admitted quietly. 

Any humour and levity seeped from the three men as they circled you protectively.

“No, hey, of course you can!” James offered, trying to imbue some of his eagerness and enthusiasm onto you as he swiped water away from his eyes. 

“Why would she trust you, James? You look like nothing but trouble.” Sirius said haughtily as he tried to re-restrain his hair into an elastic. 

You were expecting James to squawk in offence, but his face lit up brilliantly as if Sirius had just solved world hunger.

“That’s it!”

“What’s it?” Remus asked warily.

“She doesn’t trust us!” James clarified, which clarified nothing for you at all. 

“What! I- no, that’s not true. I…I do trust you, I just-”

“No, no. Not like that angel.” James offered. “I’m sure you trust us enough as employees here, but not necessarily enough to willingly put yourself at risk, right?”

You tried to think of an argument.

You couldn’t. 

“Okay, let’s see…oh!” James started as he lowered himself into the water enough that it lapped against his chin. “I was completely broken when my marriage ended, and these two were the only ones who could convince me I wasn’t a complete failure.” He offered casually as if he hadn’t just dropped a significant amount of lore on a near stranger. 

“I ran away from home at 16 and James’ family took me in, no questions asked, and have treated me as their own ever since.” Sirius added quickly. 

Remus let out a sigh as he looked to the other two in faux exasperation. “And I was a poor scholarship kid attending an elite and posh prep school, and these two did everything they could to make sure no one made me feel insecure about it.” 

“All this to say, angel; I’d trust these two with my life, and I think you should too.” James finished. 

You let out a steadying breath and nodded your head. “Okay.”

“Yeah?” Sirius smiled. 

“Yeah, yes; I can do this.” You decided, mostly speaking to yourself.

“Hell yeah, you can!” James cheered as he splashed the water, Remus muttering something about him being a giant toddler. 

“So, you can plug your nose if you’d like; but try to take a deep breath in, and then whilst you’re under water try letting that air out slowly, okay?” Remus instructed then. You felt more than a little discombobulated with all of his attention focused on you.

Sirius demonstrated and you mimicked his actions which earned you a dramatic round of applause.

“Brilliant! You’re gonna rock this.” James assured you quickly.

“‘Course she is.” Sirius scoffed as if James had said something rather outlandish. “She’s been brilliant at everything so far.”

You felt your cheeks heat up near painfully and looked down to the water in hopes that no one noticed you fluster.

Unfortunately for you, it seemed Remus was more observant than you gave him credit for. “You going to be brilliant for us again today, love?” 

You felt like it was your turn to scoff. “‘Course I am.” your inner voice echoed Sirius. 

“‘Course she is.” James echoed for you; a knowing smirk gracing his lips.

“Ready?” Sirius started as he lowered himself to his shoulders.

You nodded and he started to count down. 

At one, you sucked in a deep breath and plugged your nose before plunging yourself into the pool.

You were too buoyant; your body trying to return to the surface immediately after submerging yourself which left you feeling rather panicky, but you saw Sirius blow out dramatic bubbles and decided to do the same, feeling your body slowly sink to allow you to settle onto your knees. 

James beamed a smile at you as Remus looked at a stopwatch counting down your seconds.

You realised it wasn’t so bad down here - letting the air out of your lungs left you not feeling as if your body was going to burst from the pressure, and it was beautifully quiet. It reminded you how peaceful you found floating to be just the week before.

You felt a gentle tap on your wrist, noticing Remus pointing upwards.

You stood and suddenly, you were horribly aware of how loud an empty pool could be; the sound of water filtering, the large fans in charge of the humidity levels, and the echoing of the great cavernous space left you feeling slightly homesick for the bottom of the pool.

“That was brilliant!” James cheered as he pulled you roughly into his side. 

“You say that as if you’re surprised, Prongs.” Sirius teased gently. 

“Of course I’m not surprised, she’s our brilliant student.”

And instead of an embarrassed flush of your cheeks, you felt a simmering pride settle within your chest.

It appeared that having a praise kink was, indeed, a transferable skill.

[wileys-russo]

off limits (5) II a.putellas x león!reader

part one part two part three part four

off limits (5) II a.putellas x león!reader

"-so ale just, left?" alba clarified and you nodded. "i mean i thought i knew my sister but it is not like her to run away from a problem." alba winced and you hummed, twirling around the straw in your empty glass.

"i'm sorry amiga. i really did not know that is what happened, i assumed you both had a fight or she just said something stupid. alexia can be so stubborn sometimes but she is not one to just give up." alba sighed, moving her arm around your shoulders.

"thats what i thought too, but she has made it clear now that it meant more to me than it did to her." you shrugged, sighing deeply. "look amiga i don't mean to dismiss your feelings at all and please if i am overstepping, tell me." alba started as you looked at her curiously but nodded for her to continue.

"the way she looked at you as you were leaving, the way i watched her breakdown in that bathroom was unlike i have seen her before. my sister is someone to wear her heart on her sleeve around those she trusts, she is incredibly passionate and loving but she is not one to show weakness to many." alba started, your head falling to her shoulder as you hummed for her to continue.

"ale has never brought a partner home, never been public about a relationship, never spoke very much about anyone she's seen, she is a very private person chica even with me. but i promise you that she cares about you, i know her well enough to see that. but i think she is afraid of how much, so when something threatened that she thought it would be easier to pretend not to care, to protect herself and to protect you." alba continued as you frowned a little at her words.

"how is leaving me when i needed her, protecting me?" you argued, pulling your head back up and turning your body. "you and mapi have always been very very close, like alexia and i si?" you nodded in agreeance.

"we were, but i cannot look at her the same way since everything happened. i blame both of them for how things turned out, in different ways." you admitted, alba nodding that she understood.

"well if alexia did not like a partner i had, i would listen to her about why. because i know she cares about me and she wants me to be happy, so if i was happy and she still did not like my partner, i would want to know why." alba started, holding up a hand as you opened your mouth to interrupt.

"which i know is not the same situation and not to defend alexia because i could slap her for how she has handled this mi amiga. but maybe she did not want to be the cause of any issues with you and mapi, because she knows how special that bond is with your hermana'." alba suggested as you sighed deeply, taking a moment to collect your thoughts.

"then why would she not tell me that so we could have talked about it and worked through it? she just left alba, she left me like i was nothing and nobody to her. and that hurt! she does not understand how much that hurt." you whispered, facade breaking for a moment as you angrily wiped away a loose tear.

"okay hey hey carino we don't have to talk about it anymore. i'm sorry if i overstepped." alba pulled you into a tight hug as you sighed deeply into her shoulder.

"but you know...i would have loved to have you as my sister if you and ale got married." "alba!" "sorry! just trying to lighten the mood amiga."

"are you coming to malta next week then?" alba pulled away, finishing the last mouthful of her drink and nodding for the two of you to leave.

with international break coming and spain not having any fixtures it meant you all had a few days off, so a few of the barcelona girls and their partners had organised to go to malta as a getaway from everything.

"no." you shook your head firmly, having been invited but you knew through the team that alexia was also going. "wrong. you are coming! and you can hang out with me." alba grinned, pinching your cheek as the two of you walked toward her car.

"why are you going? do you have a secret girlfriend on the team you are not telling me about?" you teased her, not missing the way her face changed for just a fleeting moment. "you do! tell me." you demanded, smacking her shoulder.

"i don't, i promise ale invited me and that's it. but there is something you should probably know." alba started, unlocking her car as the two of you slid inside and you gestured eagerly for her to continue. "so when mapi first joined barca and she and alexia started getting very close-" alba started, car engine roaring to life.

"-me and your sister..." alba trailed off giving you a look as your jaw dropped. "you slept with maria?!" you gasped, albas eyes widening.

"mierda no! we went on a few dates, kissed a few times then decided we were better off as friends and that was that, nothing else ever happened." alba dismissed quickly, pulling out of the parking lot as you shook your head in disbelief.

"does alexia know?" "who do you think encouraged it?"

"oh i wish you had not told me that albs. that is so weird!" you groaned, struggling to wrap your head around it. "why is it weird! its not like anything happened, and her and ingrid are the most well suited couple to each other i have ever seen, soul mates." alba shook her head, speeding down the freeway.

"because she's my sister and you're-well you!" you huffed, cringing at the thought. "hey! there is a line of hot women waiting to get a chance with alba putellas thank you." the older girl hit you with her free hand.

"you know chica in another universe you and i..." she trailed off at a red light sending you a wink as you grimaced in mock disgust.

"hey i know you have a thing for putellas women, why not the younger better looking model amiga?" she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively with a toothy grin as you shoved her, both of you knowing it was all light hearted.

if anything you viewed alba as a sister of sorts in the same way you did ingrid, she was always around long before you and alexia got together and given you were barely a year apart in age you'd always been close.

"well i didn't think you had something for the león women alba but here we are." "i am swearing you to secrecy with that nobody else knows about it, you take it to the grave or i put you in an early one!"

~

alexia glanced up with a frown at the insistent buzzing from the security box by her door. quickly standing to make her way over there she rolled her eyes seeing her sister waiting downstairs on the small camera screen, buzzing her apartment number again and again.

she shouldn't have been surprised given that she knew alba had spent the afternoon with you, but still she was slightly taken aback by the way the younger girl forcefully shouldered past her the moment alexia opened the front door to let her in.

"so she told you."

"of course she told me alexia! you-" alba struggled to get her words out as her older sister sat back down on the sofa, nala curling up into her side. "explain, now." was all the girl could get out, pointing at her firmly.

"explain what?" "why you left her alexia." "alba-" "don't alba me. first you hide the relationship from me, then you are dishonest about why you broke up and then accuse me of trying to flirt with her at lunch! explain alexia."

the older putellas sighed, gently moving nala off of her as the small ball of fur curled up in her own bed on the floor, alexia running her hands down her face as she leant forward on her knees and alba took a seat.

"i don't know why. in the moment-in the moment i just heard the way mapi was speaking, the anger and the betrayal in her voice. selfishly my first thought was the team, if mapi was angry at both of us it would affect our overall chemistry on the pitch." alexia started, alba scoffing quietly at her words but remaining otherwise silent.

"so then i panicked and i just....i shut down. i didn't know how to process what i was feeling so i didn't know how to comfort her through what she was feeling. i knew i should have just held her, or hugged her but i was terrified that if i did then mapi would never speak to either of us again, and i couldn't be the cause of that." alexia continued, closing her eyes as guilt again flooded her body in waves.

"then that next morning all i wanted to do was go and see her, to apologise and check on her and try to talk. but i couldn't get the image out of my head of mapi screaming in her face, i have seen them fight before but never ever like that. or the way her voice broke as she begged me not to leave alba. she begged me and i did not even turn around!" alexia whispered, pinching the bridge of her nose and hanging her head in her hands.

"mapi did not deserve a best friend who lied to her, so i iced her out. and she did not deserve a girlfriend who does not stand up for her, does not protect her, who walked away like a coward and did not own up to her mistakes." alexia finished, glancing to look at her younger sister whose features were curled into a frown, though alexia was unable to decipher what she was thinking.

"so you just...left it. did not apologise, did not try to explain yourself. do you know how much she is hurting ale? how confused she is? she thinks you do not care for her, and that you never did." alba spoke quietly and firmly, though not unkindly seeing how much the older girl was clearly struggling.

"of course i care about her!" "well how is she to know that hermana? have you told her?" "no." "exactly. then imagine how much more confused she is when suddenly you try to play hero at the club the other night as if you cared for her after icing her out, after leaving her without an explanation, ignoring what happened and not making any attempts to fix it. you do not get to treat her like that alexia and then be confused as to why she did not allow you to take her home and be her saviour, that is cruel."

"i know." alexia muttered, having spent the time since doing nothing but reflecting on all the things she wished she'd done differently, and plaguing herself deeper and deeper into a self inflicted pity party that the cage she was in was one of her own creation.

"good. because she is coming to malta and you are going to fix things before we go!" alba announced, alexias head shooting up and her eyebrows furrowing. "since when?" alexia questioned, having checked in multiple times with her team mates and friends about the guest list for this little getaway.

"since i told her i would be kicking her door in and kidnapping her if she was not ready when i pick her up to go to the airport." "mierda alba! you had no right to get involved!" "you have no right to be upset if she chooses to go away with her team and her friends, and you are going too. so you have six days to start fixing things with her if you do not want to lose her for good hermana."

~

your plan to avoid alexia was going well, as cruel as it sounded her knee had been giving her some trouble which meant she wasn't training with the group, rather focusing on media duties, physio visits and individual sessions.

there was only one more game until international break and alexia already knew she was not going to be on the roster. she had done her best to make peace with it, as much as it terrified her anytime something felt a little off.

so you continued to avoid any and all interaction with the captain, and in turn you'd also been avoiding your sister, still struggling with how to forgive her after the domino effect of her actions.

but with ingrid in her ear about giving you the space you clearly needed she was doing her best to try and respect that, but it killed her to shoot you a smile across the locker room and see you have to force one back before you'd hurry away.

back when things were normal you'd eat at her house at least twice a week, come over when you were bored, spend weekends curled up on her sofa with bagheera. it used to annoy her sometimes the way you would just show up, sometimes even letting yourself in and eating the food from her fridge like you lived there.

she'd scold you and scowl at you asking if you had suddenly moved in, and you'd simply grin at her like annoying younger siblings do, wandering off to watch a movie on her tv which was bigger than yours, flicking through her extensive novel collection or stealing clothes from her closet when she wasn't looking.

they were right when they say you don't know what you miss until its gone, and mapi would sometimes find herself staring at her front door wishing you would barge in uninvited again.

when you would come to her for advice or just to rant angrily about something that had riled you up that day, even something as simple as your neighbors taking your parking spot meaning you had to park a three minute walk away from your building.

despite your sisterly arguments the two of you had always been close, always told one another everything, especially as you grew up and matured and followed in her footsteps.

some would have been frustrated at their younger sister seemingly copying their every move, but mapi could not bring herself to feel anything but pride when she watched you play and progress through the years, adoring the thought that she had played a heavy hand in your love of football.

but the one thing you'd kept from her, was the one thing that had ruined everything, and mapi truly had no one to blame but herself. she wanted her baby sister back, but as ingrid had explained she needed to let you come to her now, and that the tighter she held on the more you would just pull away.

things shifted one afternoon when you were returning from a meeting with jonatan after your last training session for the week, assuming most of the team and staff had left for the day given it was nearing the early evening.

you were exhausted both physically and mentally, everything had begun to take a toll on you and you were noticing it finally start to affect your football, something you'd tried hard as you could to avoid happening since all of this started in the first place.

but it appeared you weren't the only one who was feeling the effects of everything. your eyes flickered to the right as you passed one of the physios offices, noticing a body sat on the benches which of course you recognized right away.

you paused for just a fleeting moment, and all it took was that milisecond for her eyes to meet yours, red and puffy a clear indicator she'd been crying. uncomfortable with the sudden invasive vulnerability you'd hurried away, though felt something pulling you back as you stopped after a few steps.

your body fell into turmoil and you froze on the spot, head sent into a dizzying back and forth argument about how you should continue. eventually the little voice in the back of your head won out, and ignoring the thoughts creeping in about how bad of an idea this was.

"hola capi." you greeted her quietly, knocking on the door gently as again she looked up, even more startled than before that you'd returned and directly addressed her. "hola." she forced a small smile back as you lingered in the doorway.

"estás bien?" you checked in with a slight raise of your eyebrow, nodding to the ice pack strapped to her knee. "fine, gracias." she spoke through tight lips with a curt nod of your head, taken aback by how this was the most the two of you had spoke in days.

"no you're not alexia." you remanded softly, moving into the room and pulling yourself up to sit on the bench opposite her. a thick silence brewed between the pair of you, the tension almost suffocating as you sat together unmoving.

"i have to go get some scans on my knee tomorrow, maybe an mri. they are worried something has potentially torn, we are hoping for the best and it is just a minor setback and needs some rest, but preparing for the worst just in case." alexia confessed, eyes dropping back down to the floor as you winced at her words.

"you do not need to say anything please, i just needed to tell someone." alexia was quick to clarify before you could speak, unsure what you would have even said as you nodded wordlessly respecting her wishes, the thick silence again growing between the two of you as you contemplated how to leave after her confession.

"for two minutes, can you please pretend you do not hate me?" alexia finally broke, glancing up at you through hooded eyes, hazel orbs shining even more prominently through the thin sheen of tears she'd swallowed back.

"i don't hate you alexia." you forced out after a moment. "i would not blame you. i have been selfish, a coward, treated you worse than you would ever deserve. i would not blame you for hating me, i would hate me." alexia spoke up, glancing toward you as your brows furrowed and you stared at your hands in your lap, thinking of your next words carefully.

"alexia of course i do not hate you. I miss nothing more than just laying with you in silence with just you being there, being with me.” you confessed, voice barely above a whisper as alexia's knuckles turned white from how hard she gripped the edge of the bench she was sat on.

"you miss me?" was all the catalan could manage out, and you felt her eyes bore into you from across the room. "what? of course i miss you alexia. i never even got a chance to speak to you about any of it we just...broke up and i never even got a say in that, it just happened." you managed to get out, emotions starting to bubble over as the control you had over them started to slip away.

"and now all of a sudden I have thousands of pictures of you in my phone that I cannot bring myself to delete, months worth of memories shared with you that i cannot shake from my head. my finger hovers over your contact sometimes just wanting to hear your voice and i think constantly about what you're doing. wondering if you miss me, if you regret what happened and how different things might be if you didn't leave." the control slipped away completely as you started to get off your chest the insecurities that had eaten away at you for weeks now.

"if you called i would have picked up." alexia forced out, eyes locking with yours and her stomach churning at the obvious pain leaking from them as you spoke.

"would you? because the worst part about all of this is that i can't stop overthinking about why you left me and why you never even explained yourself or even tried to apologised. so of course I’m not going to call you and tell you I still love you and I miss-"

"you still love me?" alexia's eyes widened as yours squeezed shut, heart clenching. "i do. but i know now that you don't because if you loved me you wouldn’t have left me like that. you wouldn’t have waited weeks to finally grow a spine and apologise which you still haven't done! you wouldn’t have made up with my sister before making any sort of effort with me knowing that it’s partly her fault we even broke up in the first place!" your temper flared now, jumping down from the bench with your fists balled by your side.

"mi amor please i can't even begin to-" she regretted the word the moment it left her mouth, watching your face fall and your heart shatter all over again causing her stomach to heave.

"don't call me that. please!" your voice cracked and you paused, collecting yourself as alexia fell silent again, face burning red at her mistake.

"the only thing i hate alexia is that I can’t hate you. I can’t get you out of my mind and I can’t escape you even when i'm alone in a room miles away from you. you’re always there with me in the back of my head, or there’s a photo of you on my fridge or on the wall, or there’s a magnet or a keyring or some sort of trinket you bought me that I cannot find the motivation to get rid of but every time I look at them and think of you it just breaks me all over again!" your fist thumped down on the padded material of the medical bench in frustration.

"i am so so sorry, i've wanted to say it but i do not know how to say how sorry i am, for how much i've hurt you and how unfair it was for me to leave you." alexia forced out, arms shaking lightly from the strength in which she squeezed the bench in her hands, a miracle it hadn't broken at her desperate grip.

at her hurried apology a suffocating silence brewed once more, wrapping its hands around your throat as the anger suddenly melted from your body and you could have crumpled to the floor. instead you pulled yourself to once again sit on the medical bench across from your ex lover.

"i never thought that you were capable of hurting me like this alexia. not the girl who held me for days as i sobbed when i withdrew from the national team and would no longer play for my country because of him. who wrote me dozens of love letters and organised for flowers to arrive at my door every week she was away on international duty." you paused for a second to swallow the lump which was building up in your throat as you forced back the hot tears which threatened to fall at any second.

it was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.

"the girl who I thought was just as much in love with me as I am with her." you broke at that sentence, unable to hold back the dry sob which ripped from your throat, your eyes falling to the floor unable to hold hers anymore.

"the same girl who left me when I needed her. who wouldn’t even hug me or look me in the eyes as I sobbed and begged like an idiota for her to change her mind." your chest heaved with silent cries as you struggled to catch your breath.

"no, alexia don't!" you tried to push her away, not having heard her even get up off the chair as she slotted between your legs and gently cradled your face in her hands.

"please if i could go back and undo it i would but i cannot and i don't know how to apologize enough for that, i cannot ever say i am sorry and sorry will never ever be enough. but i am still that same girl hermosa." you flinched at the term of enderament but alexia had already gone too far to stop.

"i know to have the seat heater on when i pick you up for an early training, i know to always have a spare jacket in my car because you always forget one, i know to order extra food when you say you are not hungry because i know you are. i am still that same girl and i am still so in love with you. but flowers and words will never be enough to fix this, how can i fix this mi amor? please!" the older girl begged, pressing her forehead to yours as you gave up trying to push her away, body wracking with sobs as hot tears carved their way down her own rosy cheeks.

"i am so tired alexia. i am so tired of hurting and wondering and overthinking. i am so tired of walking on eggshells and being angry and upset, it is so draining and i am exhausted." you whispered out, throat raw and aching as your chest heaved and you tried desperately to steady your breathing.

"but i don't know how to fix this ale. i don't know how to go back and pretend like it never happened because it did. i cannot risk hurting myself all over again if i let you back in, i am so sorry ale but i do not trust you anymore, not with my heart or with me." your own hands gently clasped her cheeks, using your thumbs to wipe away the tears which pooled in the corner of her eyes.

once you had you moved to grab her wrists, gently wrenching her hands from your face as they hung limply by her sides, her body sagging in defeat at your words and you ignored the way your mind was screaming at you to take them back and to reach out to comfort her.

"i am exhausted of avoiding you and being angry at you, it is killing me and clearly you have other things you need to be focusing yourself on." you forced out, nodding to her knee as she rested her body against the bench.

"we will never be as we were alexia, and i think we both need some time to make peace with that." you started, knowing that your next words were going to deliver a fatal and final blow.

"my contract is up this year with barca ale, and i will not be renewing it."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

part six

um....i'm sorry? this is not the end though besties do not fret, things aren’t always as they seem, or maybe they are who knows (I do since I’ve half written the next chapter already) xx

[educatedsimps]

— bonus headcanons, iwaizumi hajime

≪ back to fics masterlist

iwaizumi hajime x gn!reader

a/n: idea dump based on this iwa request (main fic) so this is basically just everything i wanted to put into the fic but i kinda lost the energy and the bandwidth to write everything up to the standard i wanted so now this exists HAHA hope u like this and tysm for reading! :)

headcanons under the cut!

You remember asking him once, "Hajime, why do you do that?"

And he replied "Do what?" with deadass the most confused look on his face.

"Kiss my wrists and palms all the time," You clarified.

"Oh," He stopped. "Yeah, why do I do that-"

ok so basically, Iwa finds the wrists a very delicate part of the body, and given his experience as a volleyball player, and the nature of his job, he takes extra special care of them.

he remembers his coaches always reminding him and his teammates not to injure their wrists during training, which translates to "YOU BETTER HAVE GOOD FORM WHILE SPIKING, SERVING AND SETTING, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

anyway, i think he started noticing wrists when he was in high school, especially since he was seijoh's ace and had to use his wrists a lot to spike. he probably injured his wrist(s) once and has always listened to his coaches ever since.

now that he's a professional volleyball trainer he makes sure that his athletes don't injure their wrists either.

so i think all of this adds to why he pays extra attention to your wrists especially.

bonus if your job requires you to use or rely on your wrists a lot, eg. musician (like me), athletes, surgeon, author, artist, etc... idk.

YOU CANNOT CONVINCE ME THAT HE DOESN'T GIVE THE BEST 👏 FKING 👏 MASSAGES 👏 ON EARTH 👏 and at the end of the massage he'll always kiss your hands and wrists and idk why but it just feels so chivalrous. like ofc it feels intimate when you hold his face in your hands and he plants kisses on your wrists/palms and but sometimes it just feels so chivalrous and gentlemanly ykwim?

OMG WHEN HE PROPOSES TO YOU like after he slides the ring onto your finger AND THEN KISSES YOUR WRIST/HAND AND IT FEELS LIKE YOUR HEART COULD EXPLODE 'cause i know mine would actually explode if he did that.

anyway some instances i thought of adding to the fic (but couldn't cuz i don't have the ability or capacity to write them out well) include:

waking up in the morning together or when you hold his face and kiss his forehead (these two are in the main fic linked above!)

when you're cuddling on the couch after a long day and just watching a show together or napping. if you're laying on him and touch his face he'll 100% kiss your wrists/palms

when he hugs you from behind and you reach up to run your fingers through his hair (like when you're cooking dinner together or something) and he'll pull your hand down to kiss your wrist

when you hug him with your arms around his neck and he catches your wrist before you pull away

when you shower together (SFW, DON'T WORRY) and you're facing each other and he's tilting his head / bending down while you wash his hair or massage his scalp and when you're done washing it he'll give your wrists a gentle kiss before returning the favour

BONUS: when he holds your face in his hands and you decide to give him a taste of his (very sweet) medicine. you’d twist your head to kiss his wrist and then his palm and he'd be BLUSHING because he's usually the one who does that AND HE'S SO CUTE he's like, "hey... you can't do that. i'm supposed to be the one doing that for you." while blushing and smiling and getting a lil shy and everything and HE'S JUST TOO CUTE FOR MY HEART 😭😭💕

a/n: ok that's all for the iwa brainrot ... i'm kidding, the iwa brainrot will never end. THANKS FOR READING THOUGH and thank you anon for sparking my two week long obsession with iwa once again

© educatedsimps 2024. do not repost, copy, translate or plagiarize any work from this blog on tumblr or any other platforms. if you do, the simps will hunt you down. likes and reblogs are appreciated!

[nayziiz]

One Night in Miami | LN4

Summary: An eventful night with a close friend turns Lando’s world upside down when he’s forced to confront his true feelings about her. As they return to normal, he cannot seem to forget their time together and neither can she. Will they find each other once again?

Pairing: Lando Norris x OC (Renn)

Warnings: Smut, a lot of angst, fluff

Masterlist

Chapter 3 - Spain 2023

Renn wanted to be there for Lando at the Spanish Grand Prix, but work had her tethered to London, shooting content for one of her clients. The life of a photographer meant travelling everywhere, capturing moments that mattered to others while often missing the ones that mattered most to her. She had hoped, desperately, that she wouldn’t need to work that week, but reality had its own plans.

As she watched snippets of the race while tidying her apartment, her heart sank. The familiar buzz of the TV in the background did little to distract her from the disappointment that loomed large. Another tough race for Lando, ending in a disheartening P17, with his rookie teammate finishing ahead of him. She knew all too well how hard he would take it, blaming himself when the issues ran far deeper than his driving. She sighed, her heart aching for him. She knew how much he poured into every race, how hard he worked to push through the challenges. And now, miles away, all she could do was watch and hope he knew she was thinking of him.

It was like clockwork; first a text from Lando with the upside-down smile emoji, and an hour later, her phone rang. Renn answered immediately, her heart already aching for him.

“I suppose it would be stupid to ask you if you’re okay?” she spoke into her phone, collapsing onto her couch.

“Not stupid when the assumption is correct,” he replied, his voice carrying the weight of his disappointment as he took a seat in his driver’s room. “Can’t I just have one decent race?”

“Lan, you had a great start. That contact with Hamilton was unfortunate, but you finished the race, you didn’t retire or give up,” Renn tried to reassure him, her voice gentle but firm.

“Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it, you know. Like, am I going to be happy being P17 for the rest of my career if it keeps going like this?” Lando continued, his tone hopeless and devastated.

“You’re getting upgrades soon, though, right? What if those skyrocket your year altogether? Have you thought of that?” she countered, trying to inject some hope into the conversation.

“I can’t be optimistic when things have been this bad for so long,” he argued, frustration clear in his voice.

“Rather optimistic than on the edge of giving up everything you and your family have worked so hard for,” she retorted. He remained quiet for a moment, absorbing her words. “You’re Lando fucking Norris and you’re on the verge of greatness.”

“I really wish you were here,” he spoke softly, the vulnerability in his voice tugging at her heartstrings.

“Me too, so I can slap some sense into that head of yours,” she added, causing him to smile for the first time since he finished the race. “But, I do wish I was there with you.”

“Will you come to Montreal?” he wondered, his voice hopeful.

“If I don’t have work, then yeah, I’ll be there,” she responded, her own voice softening.

“Good. I’m heading to MTC sometime this week if you want to go have dinner or something while I’m in the UK?” Lando asked, the tentative hope in his question making her smile.

“Like a date?” she hesitantly asked, the words slipping out before she could stop them.

“Not a date, just two friends getting something to eat together,” he clarified, although he wished it was a date.

“Fine, we can grab dinner,” she agreed, trying to keep her tone casual.

“I have to go debrief with the team. Can I call you later so you can tell me about how your shoot went?” he asked, his voice warmer now.

“Yeah,” she answered, a small smile playing on her lips.

“Talk to you later, Rennie,” Lando said, the gratitude in his voice unmistakable.

“Talk to you later, Lan,” she replied, her heart a little lighter after their conversation.

As she hung up, Renn leaned back on her couch, staring at the ceiling. She hated hearing him so down, but she was glad she could be there for him, even from afar. The thought of seeing him soon, of sharing a meal and catching up in person, brought a flicker of excitement to her heart. For now, she would hold onto that, hoping it would be enough to carry them both through the tough times.

The night for the dinner date that wasn’t a date finally arrived. Renn had spent the day trying to focus on her work, but her mind kept drifting back to Lando. She wondered what they would talk about and how the evening would unfold. Despite her efforts to keep things casual, there was an undeniable flutter of excitement in her chest.

Lando, too, was distracted throughout the day, thinking about the evening ahead. He had made the reservations at one of their favourite restaurants, a cosy little place known for its relaxed atmosphere and excellent food. As the time drew nearer, he found himself nervously adjusting his outfit, wanting to strike the perfect balance between casual and put-together.

When he pulled up outside Renn’s home, he felt a mix of anticipation and nerves. He texted her to let her know he had arrived, and a moment later, she stepped out of her apartment. She looked effortlessly beautiful, her casual dress and light makeup highlighting her natural charm. His breath caught for a moment, but he quickly masked it with a smile.

“You look stunning, as always,” he said as she approached the car.

“You clean up pretty well yourself,” she replied with a grin.

They made their way to the restaurant, the conversation light and easy, filled with the familiar banter that marked their friendship. When they arrived, Lando led the way inside, where they were promptly shown to their table. The ambiance was perfect - dim lighting, soft music, and an intimate setting that made it easy to forget the world outside. They settled into their seats, and after ordering their drinks, Lando leaned back, looking at Renn with a soft smile.

“So, how’s the shoot going?” he asked, genuinely curious.

“It’s been good, actually. Busy, but I managed to get some great shots. I think the client will be happy,” she replied, her eyes lighting up as she talked about her work.

“I’d love to see some of them sometime,” Lando said, his interest sincere. “You’re such a talented photographer, might just learn a thing or two from you.”

“Sure, I’d love to show you,” she agreed, feeling a warm glow from his attention.

Their food arrived, and as they ate, the conversation flowed effortlessly. They talked about everything from their favourite movies to childhood memories, and of course, racing. Lando shared some behind-the-scenes stories from the paddock, making Renn laugh with his vivid descriptions and animated gestures. While the evening progressed, the line between friendship and something more began to blur. The glances they exchanged were longer, the touches more lingering. By the time dessert arrived, they were both feeling the undeniable and familiar pull between them.

Returning to her apartment, Renn and Lando fell into an easy rhythm. Renn moved to the kitchen to whip up some hot chocolate, a comforting ritual that had become a tradition over the years. Lando made himself comfortable on the couch, glancing around her familiar apartment, feeling a sense of warmth and home that he hadn't felt in a while. She brought over two steaming mugs and handed one to him before settling next to him on the couch. The rich aroma of chocolate filled the air, blending with the soft glow of the lamps, creating a warm, intimate atmosphere.

“Thanks for this,” Lando said, taking a sip and sighing contentedly.

“Anytime,” Renn replied, smiling at him over the rim of her mug.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, the sounds of the city outside a distant hum. The warmth of the hot chocolate seeped into their bones, relaxing them. A subtle touch on the knee from Lando, meant as a casual gesture of comfort, quickly became more. His fingers lingered, brushing lightly against her skin. Renn felt a spark of electricity at his touch, and she looked up to meet his eyes, finding them dark and filled with unspoken desire. Lando's hand moved from her knee to squeeze her thigh gently, the contact sending a thrill through her. Her breath hitched, and she set her mug down on the coffee table, unable to ignore the magnetic pull between them any longer.

Without thinking, she swung her leg over his lap, straddling him. Renn could feel his growing arousal pressing against her as she began to move, gently grinding herself against the buckle of his belt. The sensation was maddening, and a soft moan escaped her lips.

“Renn,” Lando groaned, his hands gripping her hips, guiding her movements. “You’re driving me crazy.”

She leaned down, capturing his lips in a searing kiss, all the pent-up longing and desire pouring out in that single moment. His hands slid under her dress, caressing the bare skin of her back, sending shivers down her spine. She could feel his heart racing against her chest, mirroring her own. Lando’s hands moved up to cup her breasts, his thumbs brushing over her nipples through the fabric of her bra. She arched into his touch, a gasp of pleasure escaping her. She tugged at his shirt, eager to feel his skin against hers. He quickly pulled it off, and she followed suit, shedding her dress.

They paused for a moment, just taking in the sight of each other, the raw desire in their eyes making the air between them crackle with electricity. Then their lips crashed together again, more desperate this time. Renn's fingers fumbled with the buckle of his belt, and Lando lifted his hips to help her, the urgency of their need driving them forward. Once his belt was undone, she pushed his pants down, freeing him from the confines. She could feel his hardness pressing against her core, separated only by the thin fabric of their underwear. The sensation was intoxicating, and she ground down against him, eliciting a deep moan from his lips.

“So good for me, baby,” he groaned, his hands gripping her thighs, guiding her movements.

She reached down, sliding her hand into his boxers and wrapping her fingers around him. He hissed in pleasure, his hips bucking up into her touch. She stroked him slowly, memorising the feel of him and the way he responded to her every touch. Unable to wait any longer, she stood up briefly, shedding her underwear and guiding him out of his boxers. The moment she straddled him again, they both gasped at the contact. Lando's hands gripped her hips tightly, positioning himself at her entrance.

“Are you sure?” he asked, his voice strained with desire.

“More than sure,” she breathed, lowering herself onto him, both of them groaning at the sensation as she gripped his shoulders to steady herself.

She set a slow, teasing pace at first, savouring every inch of him. His hands roamed her body, caressing and teasing, heightening her pleasure. As the intensity built, she quickened her pace, their moans and gasps filling the room. Lando thrust up to meet her movements, his hands guiding her, their bodies moving in perfect sync. The connection they shared, the raw intimacy of the moment, was almost too much to bear. Every time together felt like their very first time. The only difference was how much more they wanted it after each interaction. It was a drug, something they could easily get addicted to. She groaned again, feeling every sensation all over her body as he pressed his body against hers, his movements deliberate and unrelenting.

“Come on, let me hear you, baby,” he encouraged her, his voice a husky whisper in her ear. The sound of it sent a thrill through her, and she couldn't hold back the moan that escaped her lips.

“Lan,” she breathed, throwing her head back, her hands clutching at his shoulders for support. The intensity of their connection was overwhelming, each touch, each kiss, driving them both closer to the edge.

Renn's nails dug into his back as she clung to him, her breath coming in short, ragged gasps. The sensation of his skin against hers, the way he filled her completely, was intoxicating. His pace quickened, their movements becoming more urgent, more desperate. She could feel him trembling against her, could hear the strain in his voice as he fought to maintain control.

“Lan, I’m so close,” she whispered, her voice a mix of plea and promise. The tension inside her was building to an unbearable peak, and she knew it wouldn’t be long before she came undone in his arms.

“Me too, baby,” he replied, his grip on her tightening. “Just let go. I’ve got you.”

With those words, she felt herself teetering on the edge, her body trembling with anticipation. His movements became even more frantic, each thrust sending waves of pleasure coursing through her. She clung to him, her breath hitching, her heart pounding, and then she was falling, her body exploding in a white-hot blaze of ecstasy.

“Ah, fuck,” she cried out, her voice echoing through the room as she came apart in his arms. The intensity of her orgasm left her breathless, her body shuddering with each wave of pleasure.

Lando followed her over the edge moments later, his own release tearing through him with a force that left him gasping. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, his breath hot against her skin, his body trembling against hers. Finally, as the last tremors of their orgasms subsided, she slowed her movements, collapsing onto his chest with a contented sigh. His arms wrapped around her, holding her close as they both tried to catch their breath.

“God, Renn,” he murmured, his lips brushing against her hair. “That was incredible.”

“It really was,” she smiled, pressing a kiss to his chest. 

They lay there in a tangle of limbs, their hearts slowly returning to a normal rhythm. The intensity of their connection left them both feeling raw and exposed, but also deeply fulfilled. It was a feeling neither of them wanted to let go of, even though they knew their situation was far from simple.

Lando sighed, knowing it was time for him to leave. Their moments together were intense, passionate, and all-consuming, but they had made a simple agreement: to keep things casual, to not let their emotions complicate what they had. It was a struggle, maintaining that constraint, but they knew it was necessary for this to work. So, despite the pull to stay, he needed to leave.

“Let me clean you up before I go,” he whispered, his voice heavy with the dread of having to leave her. He lifted her off him gently and laid her down on the couch, her body still humming from their intimacy.

Renn watched him as he left to get a cloth from her bathroom, her heart aching at the thought of him leaving. The physical separation always felt like a small death, a reminder of the boundaries they had set for themselves. She sighed, trying to steel herself for his departure, knowing it was the only way to keep things from getting too complicated.

Lando returned with a warm, damp cloth, his expression tender as he knelt beside her. He began to clean her with careful, gentle strokes, his touch soothing and intimate. She closed her eyes, savouring the last few moments of their closeness before reality would force them apart again.

“There,” he said softly, finishing his task and pressing a kiss to her forehead. “All clean.”

“Thank you,” she murmured, opening her eyes to meet his. The tenderness in his gaze made her heart ache, but she forced a smile, not wanting to make this harder for him. “You should go.”

“Yeah, I should,” He nodded, though his reluctance was evident. 

They both knew it was for the best, even if it didn’t feel like it at the moment. Lando stood, pulling on his clothes and gathering his things. Renn sat up, wrapping herself in a blanket and watching him, trying to memorise every detail of the moment to hold onto until they could be together again.

“I’ll see you in Montreal, yeah?” he said, pausing at the door. “Text me when you’re done with your shoot tomorrow.”

“I will,” she promised, giving him a small smile. “I’ll see you in Montreal.”

With one last, lingering look, he left, closing the door softly behind him. Renn let out a long breath, the silence of the apartment settling around her like a heavy blanket. She missed him already, but she knew this was the only way to keep things from spiralling out of control. She got up, moving to the window to watch him as he walked down the street, his figure growing smaller until he disappeared around the corner to his car. When he was well and truly out of sight, her chest tightened, and tears welled up in her eyes. She had tried so hard to keep their arrangement simple, to keep her emotions in check, but seeing him walk away brought a flood of feelings she couldn't ignore.

Renn sank back onto the couch, her heart heavy with the weight of unshed tears. She had been so sure that keeping things casual would protect her, that it would keep her heart safe from the complications of love. But now, as she sat alone in the quiet of her apartment, she couldn't deny the truth any longer.

Has she fallen in love with him?

She sighed, turning away and heading to the bathroom to finish cleaning up. The echoes of their time together lingered in the air, a bittersweet reminder of what they shared. But as much as she tried to convince herself otherwise, she couldn't ignore the truth. She had fallen for Lando, and the realisation left her feeling both exhilarated and terrified. She didn't know what to do with these feelings, how to navigate the complexities of their relationship now that her heart was fully involved.

She needed time to process, to figure out what her heart was telling her. Maybe she could find a way to keep things as they were, to enjoy the moments they had without letting her feelings complicate everything. But deep down, she knew that pretending was no longer an option. Her heart had spoken, and there was no turning back. She loved Lando, and that truth would shape everything from this moment forward.

Back in the living room, she collapsed on the couch, pulling the blanket tighter around her. The intensity of their connection, the depth of their emotions, made it hard to stick to their agreement. But she knew they had to try, for the sake of their friendship and their sanity. Perhaps they needed to stop things before she got too attached. Maybe that was the solution.

------------------------------

Taglist: @fionamiller123 @f1fantasys

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for letting my dog correct (nip) my niece to prove a point and refusing to punish him?

I own an ex-K9 called Biggles. Biggles is impeccably trained, a total gentleman when you're not being an asshole to him, but also has no time for your bullshit. He'll tolerate a lot more hassle from the younger kids in our family, but if they're allowed to persist in bullying him, he will correct them, just like he would the adults of the family.

Mostly Biggles will just push them over and walk away. Its his way of saying to leave him alone. Sometimes he'll bark loudly, a kind of 'fuck off now' bark. At the very extreme, he'll give them a tiny little warning nip on the arm or hand.

(Biggles has only ever nip corrected kids twice in all the years I've had him. Once when my cousin thought it was 'cute' to dump her toddler right on top of Biggles and let him rip at his fur and try to bite at his face, and once when my nephew was having a tantrum, Biggles tried to snuggle up to him to soothe him and my nephew hit him in the face.)

I firmly believe in learning how your pet communicates and respecting their reasonable boundaries. To me, if you're yanking on a dog's tail and ignoring everyone warning you to stop and you get a nip to the back of the hand for it, that's a valid consequence of your actions and you've just learned to respect the dog enough not to try pulling its tail out of its spine.

(This likely seems unfathomable to a lot of you, but I must clarify that Biggles isn't some hyper-reactive aggressive, dangerous dog like my sister thinks. He will more than happily play around with the little ones, faux wrestle with them, let them paw all over him and fuss at him, ect. He loves children, they're his babies. He does not love being in pain, and if the person causing it will not respect him or me enough to listen to my warnings, I believe they earn it when he warns them too.)

Anyway. Like you might've guessed, yanking on his tail was what my niece was doing at the beer-and-barbeque this weekend. I told her not to. My parents told her not to. Even my sister half-assedly suggested 'maybe Biggles wants to play a different game.' Biggles got up and moved away from her twice and she followed him both times to 'keep playing.'

My entire family knows how Biggles works. I warned my sister Biggles wouldn't tolerate what was happening. My sister told me I shouldn't own such a dangerous, unpredictable dog and he should be put down if he can't handle some 'rough love from a kid.'

(This was not rough love. This was my niece literally ripping at his tail thinking his pain responses were funny.)

I didn't want to cause a scene or subject Biggles to further harassment so I decided just once I'd cave and take Biggles inside so he could get some peace and I could enjoy my burnt ends without my sister squealing in my ear about being cruel to her child by telling her off.

Unfortunately, Biggles' patience ran out before I could make my way over. My niece yanked at his tail again, hard enough that it actually jolted him on the grass, and Biggles whipped around and nipped at her hand. I got to see her hand afterward and there was just a little red mark, no blood or broken skin. He'd just pinched her a little.

My niece screamed bloody murder like he'd taken her hand off and my sister screamed bloody murder about my 'vicious animal.' It devolved into a massive family-wide argument against my sister because my entire family knows its just basic respect and kindness not to cause an animal pain deliberately, and that its my sister's fault for not listening to anyone when we all told her and my niece not to hurt Biggles.

My sister stormed off and has since been blowing up the entire family demanding that Biggles be put down. She's threatened to call the cops, animal control, you name it. None of us are worried about that. There wasn't even a proper mark left on her hand and Biggles will pass any behavioral test with flying colors, but my sister is giving everyone grief and is refusing to attend any family events if Biggles will be there.

My dad is firmly on my side, but my mom is imploring me to just fake apologise to get some peace back. When I recounted the story to my colleague this morning, he said she got what she earned, but also why would I bring Biggles to an event I knew a disrespectful little shit of a kid was at?

I don't feel like an asshole in terms of allowing my dog to establish his boundaries. In my and my family's opinion pets are their own entities and should be treated with belonging and respect when part of a family. Its also just common sense not to cause an animal pain for the fun of it.

However, I'm also very aware that getting nipped by a dog, especially at such a young age, can be catastrophic. My niece could be terrified of dogs for the rest of her life, and while I don't feel guilty she got corrected, I do feel somewhat guilty that I didn't intervene sooner and have possibly set her up for failure in the future. And I do feel like an asshole for letting it get to that point, but it did all happen pretty quickly.

All things considered I do love my niece, she's family, she just gets away with murder because my sister thinks being a little girl is an automatic pass to do whatever you want without consequence.

I've probably painted Biggles out in a real bad light here, but I can assure you that in general Biggles is the perfect family dog. He's loving, playful, he tries to share his kibble with everyone at dinner, he helped us teach my uncle's puppy tricks and how to behave and potty outside ect.

So I guess I'm really asking am I the asshole in this situation, as the one responsible for Biggles?

What are these acronyms?

[lilis-doodle-dome]

Flirt chart!

Clarifying certain parts:

- Flirting has to be done with intention, can’t be something that is charming/romantic on accident

- For genuine feelings, Kaito and Heiji are both the recipients while Shinichi and Saguru are the ones confessing (decided bcs I wanted an even split and knew Kaito wouldn’t confess any real feelings under threat of death)

More specific thoughts under the cut (and blank chart at the bottom)

- Kaito does not flirt, he tugs at pigtails and pretends that counts, so flirting is a KID specific action. He has no shame in it since it’s all part of the act to him

- I personally hc him as asexual, but even without that, it’s pretty clear that flirting does nothing for him- seeing how he acted in the “date” episode and his 0 interest in valentines day and lack of reaction to Akako

- Mans can not deal with real emotions, especially if they seem like they’re out of nowhere

-and I think he’s the type that once you break past his poker face (which admittedly takes quite a bit) Boom. He’s broken. Shades of red only visible to shrimp and it goes all the way down to his shoulders.

- not much clarification needed for the first two with Shinichi, maybe that this is post-conan, which is why he gets awkward with flirting instead of gloating

- again since this is post-conan I think he makes an effort to be upfront about his feelings right off the bat, no chance for something to get in the way then.

-But he’s not the most self aware so it might take him a bit to puzzle out his emotions, as soon as he does I like to imagine him turning to the recipient of his feelings, and dramatically announcing his discovery, like it’s a deduction show. Finger point and all

- He’ll probably get embarrassed the next second when he realizes what he did

- Hakuba is just using standard high-class English niceties he learned from growing up rich in London, but he’s also observant enough to see that it clearly causes a reaction when used

- and I don’t think he’s above using that to his advantage, especially since he can be otherwise awkward at socializing

- although I don’t think he realizes it could be taken as leading someone on, since he doesn’t really have any intentions with it beyond gaining favor and he’s not quite aware enough to see the heart eyes directed his way

- I only did verbal flirting so in that case I think it mostly goes over Hakuba’s head (a combination of cultural differences and social obliviousness) but if you did more physical advances -alla holding his hand or bumping shoulders- then he would react by going stone still, completely tense and delightfully red!

- Like Shinichi I think Saguru prefers to be upfront with his feelings and would confess quickly after figuring out his feelings, sometimes it can be hard to be fully truthful but he finds it’s generally worth it in the end

- even if he’s rejected then he can move on instead of perseverate over the feelings

- Hattori is the character I know the least by my general vibe is that he sucks at intentional flirting (although tends to do things unthinkingly that knock people off their feet)

- He’s kinda a Tsundere? More in the sense that any attempts at flirting are more likely to be somehow taken as a slight and make him competitive, instead of landing at romantic as intended

- Sunshine golden retriever smile. What else is there to say. You agree.

Blank chart if anyone wants it!

[hannieehaee]

finding out you're pregnant - pu

hhu, vu, pu

content: mentions of pregnancy, mentions of marriage, established relationship, initial negative reactions, fluffy outcome for all of them.

wc: 480

a/n: for context, the original prompt was what their reaction would be if they had a bad reaction to it at first and then tried to fix things 😭 personally i dont think any of them would make u feel anything but reassured at being pregnant specially considering their ages lol

masterlist

jun -

he'd be in such immense shock he would have no idea how to react, standing completely still for a long while before giving you a very frustrating reaction such as yelping in shock or just asking 'what?' he'd immediately regret not giving you a better reaction, but he wouldn't be able to get over the shock, causing you to storm away either in annoyance or hurt.

he'd snap out of it eventually, stammering as he followed after you and begging for forgiveness. he'd be so over the moon about it upon processing it, thinking back to his younger brother and how much he loved watching him growing up. he'd be sooo happy to know he'd get to raise a child with you.

soonyoung -

he's a little slow to process things sometimes lol so he'd probably be too in his mind to realize what you said, asking you to repeat yourself multiple times and eventually driving you to frustration. you'd think he was acting obtuse on purpose, when in reality he was far too shocked by the news.

it'd take him a little while for the news to settle and for the happiness from the news to really show. would have to gruel and apologize to you endlessly, feeling horrible for not having had a better reaction for you. literally cries when the news settle, far too happy at knowing you're carrying his child.

minghao -

i genuinely cannot imagine him ever having any type of negative reaction or being too caught off guard by it, but if that were to happen, i think you'd have to have told him in a blunt way that had him maybe bothered by how casual you were about it. maybe that would cause him to be far too shocked by the news to react properly, making you think that he might not be really happy about it.

he'd never let it go too far without clarifying how happy he was, making sure you were happy about it too. would maybe even cry from happiness at the thought of starting a family with you and thinking about what itd be like to see a child of his own grow up with the two of you.

chan -

maybe he'd make some comment about how soon this all was since he's still so young, but i dont think he'd mean it in a negative way, but more so in a shocked way. would have an 'oh shit' moment when he realized he mightve fucked up by not reacting properly, realizing that you must be under so much stress/nerves at the news yourself.

would slap himself over and over at not being a good boyfriend and being comforting about it. would apologize endlessly and reassure you that he was so happy with it all. that if he ever envisioned himself having a baby, it was with you.

[ghostieyanyan]

If you don’t mind, which yandere twst boys do you see being most likely to exploit a mentally exhausted prefect to kidnap them?

To clarify, I think it can be argued that the prefect would be absolutely done with NRC after six life-or-death situations due to the overblots on top of being forced to adapt to education system of another world and putting up with the quality of students at NRC. You can’t tell me that a school full of villains would treat the only magicless student well. That just screams prime opportunity to manipulate the prefect into leaving NRC to go somewhere “safer” with one of the boys.

Once again, I’m just curious about your thoughts so don’t feel pressured to respond!

yes yes yes!!!

poor perfect tired to the bone from crowly and the other students. if only there was a knight and shining armor that can come and save them.

No longer an accidentally post! But I mean it did help me finish it lol

~Mental-Exhausted!Mc~

Yan!Riddle x mc

Yan!Leona x mc

Yan!Jamil x mc

Yan!Lilia x mc

Warnings: yandere, kidnapping, drug use (shrink potion), abusive behavior, chains, collar, gag, parenthood (gender-neutual), gritting teeth(?) (I know some people hate it so ill put it in here), not a lot of proof-reads,

~~~~~

Riddle

yes, riddle was the first overblot (technically) and after his overblot, he felt awful about how he behaved. he was supposed to look after Heartslaybu but he ended up becoming his mother. he hated himself for that.

So now, not only is he taking better care of his dorm, with the help of his dorm. but whenever he sees you, he tries his best to check up on you.

How are you? Do you need help with any school assignments? etc.

they all had sweet intents at first but over time, you started to look drain.. like the life was sucked right out of you. when he asked ace and deuce, they confirmed that you were just tired of all the overblots and being crowley's lap dog. if only he knew how to help you...

at first he asked, trey and cater about how he should help you. they were mature enough to know, right?

cater, being cater, teased him on "having a crush on the perfect" or how he phrased it "oooohhh you are down bad!! lol" whatever that means...

Trey said that maybe ask the perfect if they do need help. but Riddle knows the perfect, they'll say they're fine even when they're not..

riddle felt lost and swallowed his pride as he dials his mother's number.

his mother was furious with the fact that riddle was facing an issue he cant fix himself but what she said about perfect shocked him.

"well.. maybe if this perfect isn't as perfect as their title, maybe they don't belong in Night Raven College!"

with that... the call ended.

now that he wasn't being held by his mother's strings, he saw red...! no one talks about his perfect like that! but.. she has a point.. (which makes him more frustrated) if perfect is miserable here... maybe they shouldn't be attending NRC. but where would they go...?

when he thought about that, he realized he didn't really want to be away from you... you mean too much to him.

so later that day, he requested you to join him in his room, he need to talk to you. you agreed cause why would you be cautious with someone you trust, plus you were too tired to worry about how strange the request was. he gave you tea and asked if you were okay.. you said yes, just stressed with some classes and drank you tea. it tasted... off.

you feel yourself shrinking.. you were shrinking!

you looked at riddle and he was just smiling at you! he picked you up and placed you into a tea pot.

"it'll be okay, my dear. once i graduate and get us a nice home, we'll live our happy lives away from this stress and... toxic poison. But for now, you'll have to behave. i love you, my dear"

~~~~~

Leona

Whether you noticed him or not, Leona watches you run back and forth, from hallway to hallway. Kinda like a mouse running around for food but also staying hidden. Sometimes your running around helps him sleep or just ease him to a zen.

He'd normally wouldn't bat an eye because you're just a lap dog for that crow. But after time has past. He watched as you get slower, more exhausted. like you're pushing to prove something. It ercked him more than he would like. It hit too close to home for him.

When he finally was able to approach you on the matter, you looked like your soul was taken from you. Something within just snapped. He had enough of this. He made the call and suddenly, savanaclaw students came to your side and dragged you to leona's room. If you try to resist, Leona lucky told them to not hurt you too badly. But accidents happens. With their rough handling, you blacked out.

You wake up with a pretty collar around your neck and a chain attach to it? You look around and this is not your ramshackle room. You tried to sit up for a better look and get quick pulled down by the chain collar. It nearly broke your neck! But Leona would say you're being dramatic.

"Quick moving, im trying to sleep.."

You looked and saw Leona. He was laying on your chest and his legs were holding your legs down. He was like a strange weighted blanket. He wasn't in his school uniform but looks like he's in home attire?

"Where are we, leona..?"

You said, scared cause your literally in the hands of a lion that could kill you really quick..

He ears twitched and he looked up at you, bored. But he let out a smirk.

"Were home~"

It took you a minute to process what he said... home? Apparently your confused was evident on your face and leona let out a long sigh. He moved or above you, pining you down.

"Were at Sunset Savanna palace and WE are both gonna be staying here until I can trust you'll be a good obedient herbivore and stay by my side."

You were lost for words and unconsciously started to struggle under leona. Trying to push him off, kicking your legs, he got really annoyed when you accidentally pinched his tail with the bed and your foot.

His retaliation was to slam you down, knocking the wind out of your lungs. As you were gasping for air, he bit you really hard on your throat. You let out a silent scream. You thought you were going to die. This was your last moment of life.

Leona eventually let's go but quickly replacing his fangs with his hand.

"You WILL be obedient... do I make myself clear.."

That wasn't a question.. it was a demand.

~~~~~

Jamil

Jamil hardly noticed you.. PERIOD.

He's busy not only taking care of scarabia but also their housewarden. While his housewarden takes the credit.. he hated it. And the fact his housewarden is so happy go lucky to him too. Makes his blood boil!!

Jamil truly believed that no one would feel his pain, his struggles.. because everyone sees Kalim "success" before anything!

You and Jamil were in the housewarden meeting, well on the outside of the office during the meeting. Jamil had to be there because Kalim and you were there for Crowley...

You both had a quick moment until you asked him hows he been? He lends his head back against the wall and sighs. You laugh at his actions.

"I get that, hehe"

His eye twitched.

"Do you now..?"

"Heh.. I really do. I'm here for Crowley, even tho he's the Headmage. He's like a spoiled brat with responsibility... and HE knowing more about this world, and the work he does for it, more than I do. But nooo... he still gives it to me!"

Jamil stares at you as you vent about your stress and struggles in NRC. He honestly thought that your life is harder than his! How on the seven do you-?

The doors to the office opens and you and jamil both stand up. The other housewardens walked off and kalim ran to jamil, like a parent picking up their kid in kindergarten.

Jamil sighs, seeing kalim's face makes him exhausting... he quickly looks at you, not turning his head to not make it obvious. You were walking into Crowley's office as he hands you a big stack of papers. He practically saw the light in your eyes fade... he HAS to do something.. but what?

A few days past and he just watched you get more exhausted. The more he watches you the more his feelings for you grows. And the more he watched you get degraded the more he wants to set the world on fire for you..

You couldn't hold a conversation as long as you use to now! What is Crowley making you do?

His hand balled into fist. Then he get an idea.. he's always wanted to do this but never thought about it, there will be come changes to the plan with you in it but it could work!

It was in the evening and he stopped by the Ramshackle dorm. With shaking hands he knocked. He can't believe he's gonna do it.

You answer and he quick took out a cloth from his pocket and covered your mouth. Your struggles were pointless with his strength and your muffled screams wasn't going to be heard by anyone since you practically lived in the middle of nowhere. You went limp and he smile grew.

You woke up, chained, gaged, and blindfolded. You didn't know where you were you were so scared.. but you hear foot steps...

"Good morning, my little desert flower~ im sorry I had to contain you like this, I can't risk anymore seeing you. But once we leave the Isle of Sages, ill let you see."

~~~~~

Lilia

Lilia has been watching you since that first day you came here. How much chaos your presence cause, not including Grims presence, was amazing.

He'd be lying if he said he didn't feel something for you after that first day.

Whenever you're doing anything, he watches. And if hes busy, he has his bats watch you instead. They'll report any and everything about you. Including the dark circles appear under your eyes.

To say he was a little pissed... was an understandment. How dare the Crow hurt someone he cared for..

Lilia had half a mind to just get rid of Crowley with a big display of his remand.. but his kids will be scar so probably not.

He'd would think about if for a bit and told himself, why not just take you to live in Briar Valley? You could live there and he'd support you and care for you. You have a caring personal type with how much you take care of those first years.

You'll make a perfect parent...

Lilia stopped by Ramshackle dorm for a "surprised visit". You thought his strange behavior was just lilia being a strange guy? Meanwhile lilia felt like he was young again when he's with you. He felt shy and anxious. He was all fidgety and not making 100% eye contact with you.

Oh by the seven, you stir something within him and its not unwelcomed.

"Lilia? I don't mean to be rude but.. umm... why are you here..? You kinda came at a bad time.. Crowley has some paper work he wants me to fill out for him.."

Lilia fidgeting stop and if you had his super hear, you'd hear him grit his teeth for a moment.

He flips around suddenly and gets a unsettling smile.

"I came because I just remembered a old story and I wanted to tell someone before it slips my mind!"

You stared at Lilia but nodded for him to continue.

"Do you remember when I told you about the story of the Thorn Fairy? And how she put a curse on this cute little human~?"

With every word he spoke, he got closer to you.. you tried to make some distance but it quickly was put to a halt when lilia grabbed your arm.

"L-ilia.. You're hurting me.."

You tried to pull away but nothing can compete with Lilia's strength.

"Did I also tell you that with skill and focus, a powerful mage, can change the effect of such a powerful spell~?"

You're particularly trembling at this point. He got up really close to you and he shows you a small sewing needle.

"I promise, it won't be too long. Just long enough for everyone to stop looking for you~"

{I didn’t give Lilia an art piece because I drew something similar already}

[idakyrie]

(This is part of an AU and a LOT OF TEXT asdfg) WHAT IF.... That weird deformed shape of Fake Peppino (AKA Bruno) is actually that way because of a brain problem (known as TBI)? That would explain that peculiar way of behaving (Silly? Goofy? Childish? Doesn't think straight? Doesn't know what he's doing? Almost 0 common sense, that almost permanent expression on his face, that strange way of moving... He is doing his best to stay on his feet and not melt completely (even if it shows a bit), he can barely speak coherently, among many things (WE MUST PROTECT HIM).

I'd like to think that the brain is the only organ he has, because the rest is just... Mmh, slime? amalgam? xD, it could be a HUMAN brain that Pizzahead (his creator) got (I like to think he is actually someone insane in a bad way and too different when it comes to his lab, just pretending to smile, hints of psychopath), that brain belonged to another chef, here I clarify about getting 2 adns: Peppino and Bruno (this last I mean the one from the abandoned pizzeria and yes, he is dead, where the hell Pizzahead was going to get that brain from? Actually dead for trusting a humanoid pizza)

So Fake Peppino has 2 adns? Yeah, that makes sense... Although Peppino and him don't look quite the same (Although Pizzahead's goal was that, to be the perfect impersonator), except for the clothes BUT here comes my favorite part, his stable form. 

Actually, his brain problem can be treated, he would still have 2 forms: stable and unstable, this unstable form is the one we all know, it would be present whenever he feels threatened, in danger or any other negative emotion (although he can take any form whenever he wants and be a mix of both forms).

Some history: Bruno is the first "clone" to be created, it went well, everything was perfect and one more minion... UNTIL... Pizzahead has a complicated, abusive, stupid, manipulative and ignorant attitude, basically he never treated him well, it started with scolding and even abuse (And yup! it was Pizzahead himself who caused him great injury) Why? He is a demanding and perfectionist guy, the clone had to come out EQUAL to Peppino (the irony is that he hates him and only does it to fuck up his life, to be able to replace him with some of the SO MANY clones out there) at the time he thought it was a GOOD IDEA to mix both adns and come out the same as the original, I repeat that this guy is an idiot?

Something funny is that after that he made other prototypes of clones (Classified as second generation idk) but these... None came out well, they are aberrations and can be found in a frozen chamber, he doesn't want to relive that moment and kept trying until he finally succeeded, the famous Peppino clones that can be found everywhere in the lab, inferior versions, weaker and more animal behavior than the first "clone".

Here comes another problem, Pizzahead paid more attention and was nicer to those clones, making Bruno jealous and annoyed, he never received a good treatment from him (Still he was loyal) and he had to fix and clean up all the atrocities the clones did, that means ALL the time, he could not defend himself and lived in silence, developing a great hatred towards them, precisely his behavior changes drastically to the most aggressive, just hearing a "croak" makes him angry (MODO BERSEK GOES BRR)

Many years enduring physical and emotional pain until he ends up in what? In an abandoned pizza restaurant? Just him being abandoned being very bad in all aspects? Completely alone for years, the only contact he had with others were those clones that invaded his "new home" (explaining why there are so many peppino corpses in that pizzeria).

(that girl in the image is an oc of mine hshs)

Bruno still has that silly and innocent personality, sensitive but at the same time disturbing if something bothers him. Paternal sense, playful and a big fan of Peppino, sometimes he annoys him by imitating him HAHA. Does he keep that frog behavior? YES! It's not as obvious as the clones because he knows how to control it. 

At the beginning he doesn't like to be touched, after all the problems he went through he doesn't even know if there are good people in this world, so gaining Bruno's trust is a bit complicated but if you talk nice to him (as you would do with your pet XD) the interaction will be effective. 

Does he have traumas? Besides he doesn't want to see Pizzahead and the clones again, or there will be a massacre, it's the first time someone is nice to him, he's afraid of abandonment and losing the little progress he has made... AND NEVER EVER SEE OR HEAR ANYTHING RELATED TO ANY LABORATORY AGAIN, his life was hell there, anything related either scares or angers him.

If you have any questions, you can ask and also, sorry if there are errors in my English, it is not my native language, I hope you can understand ;w;

[tuulikki]

I really appreciate that in your response to the Spotify wrapped post, you didn’t just put, “you are not immune to propaganda”, but actually followed that up with thought-provoking questions that help clarify what that propaganda can look like. That’s really helpful and considerate and I really appreciate how kind and thoughtful your response was. It really helped me recontextualize my experience of and reaction to the misinformation post when it went around. Thank you so much

You're so, so welcome. I'm really glad it helped. If you ever have any follow-up questions or just wanna chat, hit me up

I've fallen for misinformation, propaganda, and conspiratorial thinking in my life. Probably everyone has, to some degree. But I've also been kinda obsessed with the study and analysis of it ever since, so I feel like I'm obligated to try to help people to the degree I can.

I will say, it also "helps" that I have the privilege of not being in anyone's crosshairs and not having a personal connection to the issues, other than the basic moral concerns any decent human being would have. A lot of people don't have that luxury. When people are scared and hurting, it's inhuman to demand that they overcome that and put more energy into fact-checking than do those of us with less pain.

So I guess I'll try to condense some key ideas:

Reblogging ("keep talking about this!") is harmful if it isn't accurate. Inaccuracy contributes to the fog of war, causes agony to people directly involved (they see you on social media: the internet is global!), and discredits the legitimacy of a movement.

Misinformation/disinformation blends truth with lies. Seeing one thing you know to be true next to an unverified statement will make you trust that statement.

Crises make us feel helpless and small. But it is privileging your discomfort over the pain of victims if you shy away from tackling complexity.

Sometimes it feels like a betrayal to reserve a space in yourself for doubt. But disinformation trivializes important issues. If something really matters to you, then you will want it to be accurate.

People will make good-faith inaccuracies. I will. You will. Governments/organizations will. People on the ground will. No one is omniscient. Don't double-down in support of the mistake and don't let one mistake discredit a good source.

People in pain will be duped, lie, or exaggerate. Many are seeking meaning with a greater need than you are. You must find compassion for them.

Our best instincts (justice) and worst instincts (self-righteousness) will be manipulated.

Responsibility for fact-checking falls on those of us whose distress is moral, rather than personal.

Everyone is biased. Humans always care for some people more than others. Find two opposing sources and read both: you'll find the truth somewhere between them.

Truth is a hill worth dying on.

Sorry this is a long post and maybe it's useless but I thought it was important to try

[aesethewitch]

Divination Troubleshooting

One of the more difficult aspects of divination, I think, is working out what to do when things don’t work the way they’re supposed to. When you’ve done everything technically right, there’s a chance you still won’t get answers that you can interpret, that make sense, or that are correct. If you have an occasional problem with divination, that’s totally normal — nothing will work 100% of the time. But when it happens consistently, it might be time to do a little troubleshooting.

This post is far from a complete list of possible problems. I’ve spent many years trying (and failing at) different forms of divination, so these are things I’ve personally run into and the things I consider when troubleshooting.

The basic format of this post is the form of problem, a short description of what the problem looks like, possible causes for the problem, and multiple suggested solutions for each cause. These recommendations are fairly general and non-exhaustive. You may find that you need to employ multiple solutions before the problem resolves, and you may find that none of these proposed solutions solve the issue you’re having. Some listed problems are specific to a particular tool, but most are applicable to more than one type.

Sometimes, determining the cause of your issue can be difficult. It can take a good amount of discernment to figure out, so don’t feel discouraged if you can’t fix the problem on the first try!

Unclear Answers

You’ve drawn your cards, cast your charms, selected your runes, and… it makes no sense, or maybe the answers you receive are too vague to be useful.

Cause: Lack of practice or familiarity with the tool Solutions:

Perform practice readings with the tool

Study the guidebook, if you have one, to determine whether there are additional meanings to glean

Look up potential alternate meanings to the individual cards/runes, or consider another perspective (Three of Swords not always meaning heartbreak, for example)

Ask for a second opinion by taking a picture of the reading and sending it to like-minded practitioners who would be willing to help you interpret

Request a reading from a more seasoned diviner to confirm the information you’re able to glean from your own reading (if you do this, I would suggest letting them know that you’re seeking clarity from a divination you did for yourself)

Cause: No thoughts, head empty (brain fog, sudden blanking, fatigue, etc.) Solutions:

Set it aside and come back to it later with fresh eyes

Do grounding or energizing exercises before redoing the divination

Take care of your mundane needs (drink water, eat something, sleep, take medicines, go outside/get fresh air, etc.) and then return to it

Ask for a second opinion

Write down what you can understand and return to it later to check your interpretation and/or reinterpret it

Cause: The question was poorly worded, or you’re asking the wrong question Solutions:

Reword the question

Ask a different question related to the situation

Consider whether the answer given is to another question or another facet of the situation

Ask the tool, spirits, deities, etc. what you should be focusing on, if not the question you’re asking

Ask follow-up questions to clarify specifics

Cause: The tool isn’t suited to the question you’re asking Solutions:

Try a different tool

Reword the question to suit the tool better

Request a reading from someone else (if you only use one type of tool)

Cause: Stagnant energy is lingering on or around the tool Solutions:

Cleanse the tool and any containers you keep the tool in

Reshuffle, shake, etc. thoroughly before attempting to divine again

Allow the tool to “rest” so it can “cool off” and lose some of the stuck-on energy

Cause: Missing context or information Solutions:

Write down what you can understand for now and come back in a few days/weeks to see if it makes more sense

Walk away and come back to it in an hour to see if new details come to mind

Work on phrasing your questions to account for information you don’t actively know

Cause: One single card is standing out, not meshing with the rest of the reading Solutions:

Let the querent know it’s a confusing card, explain what it typically means, and allow them to offer clarification or possible meanings to it

Decide ahead of time what you will do with cards like this and what they could possibly mean, so that when they come up, you can seamlessly deal with them

Disregard the rogue card entirely

Allow the card to stand on its own, almost like a separate reading within the existing reading; redraw for the position if doing a spread

Consider alternative or unorthodox meanings to the card, especially if it’s in an odd position in a spread:

The card may be referring to another question or situation; if so, set it aside and consider doing a separate divination with that card as a focus

The card may indicate a particular person; determine who it may be and what their impact is on the overall situation

The card may be a message from a spirit, related or unrelated to the situation; set it aside and consider doing a separate divination to see the full message

The card may indicate an unexpected element, upheaval, discomfort, or mismatched priorities; the interpretation largely depends on the card and position

Wrong Answers

You thought you had it, but the divination ended up being completely wrong. One time is normal, but consistently very wrong divinations are less so.

Cause: Lack of practice or familiarity with the tool Solutions:

Perform practice readings, either with actual questions, hypothetical scenarios, or no prompt at all to work on weaving meanings together and identifying messages/symbolism

Ask others if you can practice your divination with them to get more practical experience

Study the guidebook (if there is one) or other guides and articles on the tool to determine whether you missed a meaning, theme, or detail that would have made the reading more accurate

Study how you asked the question, performed the divination, and interpreted the output to see what may have gone wrong, if anything

Cause: The tool you’re using isn’t suited to you Solutions:

Try a different type of tool

If using tarot or oracle cards, try a deck with different imagery

If using tarot, try a deck based on a different system (Thoth vs. Rider-Waite-Smith, for example)

Cause: You’ve asked the same question too many times in a short period, and now the readings are so muddied nothing is accurate Solutions:

Take a break from divining on the question or topic

Consider the answers you’ve already gotten and determine which is the likeliest to be true (or untrue)

Ask a different question

Cause: Misleading or incorrect phrasing and information from the querent Solutions:

Clarify the situation with the querent

Before beginning the divination, let the querent know that they need to be honest with you or results may not be correct

Rephrase the question or prompt to be more honest about the situation

Cause: Blockages or disruption between you and the divination target Solutions:

Ask the querent to temporarily allow you through their protections

Cast a spell to break through the barrier/blockage before trying the divination again (note that if the barrier is a purposeful protection against prying eyes, there may be consequences to busting through)

Request spirit assistance with breaking through the blockage

Ground yourself and clear away any blockages or reluctance within yourself to see and understand the truth

Accept that the target person doesn’t want you divining about them

Cause: The question was poorly worded for the tool you’re using Solutions:

Try a different tool better suited to the type of question you’re asking (pendulums for yes/no, magpie oracle for general life readings, tarot for advice, etc.)

Reword the question to suit the tool

Practice asking better divination questions overall (proper wording, understanding the tool’s capabilities, etc.)

Conflicting Answers

When you do separate readings on the same topic and get different answers, it can be confusing! Which one do you believe? Which will actually come true?

Cause: You’ve asked the same question too many times Solutions:

 Take a break from divining on the topic or question

Consider the answers you’ve already gotten and determine which is the likeliest to be true (or untrue)

Ask something else, either relating to the situation or not

Cause: Circumstances have changed radically since you last divined on the situation Solutions:

Divine on what’s changed and how it’s caused the shift

If the change is undesirable, ask how you can get back on track to the future you want

Compare the readings to see if you can determine the links between them

Cause: The future is mutable, and there are separate, very different possibilities branching out around the situation Solutions:

Divine about the causes of each outcome already gathered to see what’s causing the vast difference in readings

If there are many people involved, do smaller, more specific divinations to determine their impact on the future

Accept that you may not get to know the future perfectly

Ask instead how you can attain the future you actually want, rather than what may happen

Always Exhausted Afterwards

After doing divination, you feel absolutely drained of energy. Whether that’s physical, emotional, or spiritual energy, when it happens often, it can be discouraging and make you want to never do divination again!

Cause: Your energy is depleting naturally Solutions:

Do smaller divinations

Only perform one divination in a single sitting, rather than attempting several back to back

Request assistance from spirits to boost your own energy or borrow theirs for the reading

Eat a nourishing meal beforehand and have a snack afterwards

Cause: The querent, tool, spirits, etc., involved are draining your energy Solutions:

Bolster your area’s protections with a focus on keeping your energy to yourself

Wear something like a veil or other protective clothing, jewelry, or accessories during the divination to prevent the drain

Do a grounding exercise beforehand to center your focus and keep your energy to yourself

Pause the divination if you start feeling yourself draining to refresh and protect your energy

If working with spirits which are draining you as part of a deal (whether spoken or unspoken), make a physical offering instead of an energetic one

Practice energy work to learn how to better contain your energy so that it isn’t as free for the taking

Cause: You didn’t have the energy to begin with, but divined anyways Solutions:

Request a reading from a trusted source

Seek ways to boost your energy before beginning

Take care of your mundane needs before performing divination (eat something, drink water, take a nap, get some fresh air)

Spirits Aren’t Coming Through or Assisting

You’ve invited spirits to the table, but it doesn’t seem like they’ve got a hand in the divination results you’re getting.

Cause: You haven’t made an offering equivalent in value to what you’re asking for Solutions:

Set out an offering before starting if you haven’t already

Determine what the spirits might want other that what you’ve already offered

Offer something more personalized to the particular spirit

Make a sacrifice, rather than a simple offering (give up the last cookie, lay a piece of meaningful jewelry on their altar, etc.)

Cause: The spirits think you aren’t ready to know the answers you’re looking for Solutions:

Seek answers from another source

Wait a while and try again later

Ask a different question

Cause: The spirits you’re trying to contact aren’t immediately available/answering Solutions:

Call on the spirits before you start divining and let them know what you’re doing and why

Perform the divination at their sacred space, if possible

If working in an animist sense, “wake up” or “activate” your deck’s spirit in some way before beginning (knocking, speaking to it, etc.)

Cause: Another spirit is interrupting Solutions:

Ask the intruding spirit to back off (for now or forever, that’s up to you)

Perform a banishing if the spirit is unwelcome and will not leave when asked

Find out what the interrupting spirit wants and either decline or fulfill their request

End the divination and come back to it later on

Pendulum Won’t Swing Consistently

The pendulum swings willy-nilly with little to no rhyme or reason, providing no clear answers.

Cause: The cord, chain, string, or other material isn’t long enough Solutions:

Replace it with a longer cord, chain, string, etc.

Use a different pendulum

Create your own pendulum using a length of string (or twine, etc.) and a crystal, stone, pendant, coin, or other relatively heavy item

Cause: The pendulum itself isn’t heavy enough, or it’s an uneven shape Solutions:

Replace the pendulum with a pointed stone, crystal, or piece of glass Thread other, heavier beads, charms, crystals, stones, etc., onto the pendulum’s cord/chain

Cause: Your source for answers isn’t working with you Solutions:

If working based on your own intuition, do a grounding exercise and try again

If working with spirits, make an offering or see whether the spirits are present before trying again

Cause: There’s a breeze making it swing Solutions:

Wait until the wind dies down

Move indoors to try again

Close windows, turn off fans, and turn off air conditioners in the immediate area

Cause: The energy in your area is causing interference Solutions:

Perform a cleansing of the area to clear out excess energy

Banish any rogue spirits hanging around who are messing with the pendulum on purpose

Perform a ritual to calm the energy around you, like soothing a storm or lulling the wind to sleep for the duration of your divination

Keep Dropping Cards

Dropping your whole deck of cards may be an issue with grip strength, clumsiness, or joint bendiness… or, it may be a sign of an underlying issue or message.

Cause: The deck is too large or cumbersome to hold and shuffle easily Solutions:

Try another, smaller deck of tarot cards

Try a deck with standard card shapes (round or very large cards are personally super hard to shuffle neatly)

Ignore jumping or dropped cards, and only take cards you consciously draw

Cause: The shuffle itself is difficult Solutions:

Try another method of shuffling

Practice shuffling with regular playing cards, then with the deck you want to be using (this makes a fun fidget while watching shows)

If all shuffling is difficult, spread out the cards on a flat surface and mix them together before putting them back into a pile and drawing accordingly

Cause: The spirit(s) you’re communicating with don’t want to provide answers right now Solutions:

Provide an offering or payment for services rendered (especially if you haven’t in a while)

Take a break and try again later

Investigate the root cause of their reluctance and plan accordingly

Never Feels “Right” to Stop Shuffling or to Pull a Card

You’re shuffling. And shuffling. And… shuffling. You’re waiting for a sign to stop and pull cards, and it just never comes.

Cause: Your brain and/or intuitive thinking is exhausted Solutions:

Take a break from divination and other magical practices

Do a grounding exercise to reconnect with your intuitive thoughts and try again

Replenish your energy by eating something, drinking water, having a nap, and otherwise taking care of your mundane needs before trying again

Cause: You aren’t meant to know the answer to the question you’ve asked Solutions:

Ask a different, related question to see if you can get answers

Try again in a few days

Try a different divination tool (different tools can provide different answers with varying levels of detail)

Failing troubleshooting, accept that you can’t know everything that’s ahead and simply plan accordingly (magically and mundanely)

Cause: Blockage between you and the target of the question Solutions:

Cast a spell to break through the barrier/blockage before trying the divination again (note that if the barrier is a purposeful protection against prying eyes, there may be consequences to busting through)

Determine whether there are missing details about the situation that may help break through

Request spirit intervention to get around the blockage

Ground yourself and clear away any blockages or reluctance within yourself to see and understand the truth

Accept that the target person doesn’t want you to divine about them

If the reading is about a situation, a spell of “true seeing” or clarity may help

Cause: The querent isn’t being fully honest about their question (misleading phrasing, leaving out information that would impact the reading) Solutions:

Clarify the situation with the querent

If divining for yourself, consider all facets of the situation and question before rewording it more clearly and honestly

Talk or journal about the situation before beginning to get as much information as possible

Cause: The spirits you rely on for divination have declined to provide answers Solutions:

Ask why they aren’t answering

Try again later

Try another divination tool

Use another source for answers, such as the universe on the whole or your own deeper intuitive self

Reword the question to be more specific or general, depending

Cause: Something about the cards or shuffle themselves isn’t right Solutions:

Try another shuffle/pull method (spread out cards and pull at random, create piles and take the top of each, etc.)

Try a different deck of cards

Try another type of divination tool

Give the deck a cleanse

Look for a way to “wake up” or “activate” the cards

Too Many Jumpers

Even if you read tarot like I do with all jumpers, having a ton of cards leap out at once can be daunting — and even annoying, if it keeps happening consistently.

Cause: Your deck is too large for your hands, or it’s an odd shape (circular, non-standard number of cards, above-average card size, thick card stock) Solutions:

Try a deck with fewer cards or a more standard shape and paper weight

Create your own deck of cards that fits more securely in your hands

Try a digital deck of cards

Disregard jumping cards completely and only accept cards you’re pulling on purpose

Cause: More possibilities or details about the situation need to be brought to light than expected Solutions:

Try another spread to accommodate the jumpers

Ditch the spread altogether and read the cards as they fall instead

Treat the jumping cards as amendments or extra information about the card whose position you’re drawing for (for example, if drawing for a “Self” position and you get two jumpers before pulling your card in your usual fashion, the two jumpers modify the Official Card)

Cause: Spirits are interfering with the reading Solutions:

Cleanse the area or banish the offending spirits if they’re not ones you’ve welcomed into the space

Request that they chill the heck out and not throw any (or as many) jumping cards

Make an offering to quell their mischief

Pay attention to why they’re acting this way; if you’re not sure, ask for their reasons

Applicable to Now, Not Later

Your reading describes your situation as it is right now with perfect clarity, but it doesn’t reveal anything new or give insights into the future.

Cause: Your current talent lies in revealing the present Solutions:

Practice with readings explicitly about the immediate future

Practice targeting a specific moment in the future, such as a particular future month’s events

Fine-tune your questions to specifically request information you don’t know

Employ spirits or deities to expand your abilities to encompass the future

Try another tool or supplement your reading with another tool

Cause: The question or prompt is too open or general Solutions:

Ask a more specific, carefully worded question

Ask what you mean, rather than a general question around the situation (“What do I need to know about my relationship with X?” vs. “What do I need to know about my love life?”)

Cause: There will be little to no change in the timeframe you’re asking about Solutions:

Expand the range of time you’re asking about

Choose a time further in the future (next year instead of next month, for example)

Make an active choice to change the future if you’re dissatisfied with things as they appear to be now

Can’t Get into the “Right Headspace” for Divination

You’ve sat down and have your tools ready, but you just can’t get into the zone.

Cause: Your environment is distracting Solutions:

Move to a quieter location where you can focus more

Perform a grounding exercise to shut out distractions and focus on your divination

Wear headphones and play music that will help you focus (I suggest unobtrusive music without lyrics, so that it doesn’t impact your interpretations; personally, I use crackly fireside sounds over lo-fi beats)

Cause: Your environment isn’t inspiring you to get into the right headspace Solutions:

Create a space specifically for performing divination, whether permanent or temporary

Curate an aesthetic for your divination space with candles, crystals, plants, divination cloths, and other things that are meaningful to you

Go for a walk in a place that does inspire you and perform a divination there, if possible (cemeteries, parks, museums, rivers, etc.); if not possible to do divination there, absorb as much of the inspiring energy as you can and carry it back to your divination location

Cause: You don’t have the energy for it right now Solutions:

Focus on replenishing your energy with food, water, sleep, and other self-care tasks before divining

Request assistance from spirits to boost or borrow energy

Request a divination from someone else

Cause: You just aren’t in the mood for it Solutions:

Create a ritual that will help you get into your desired headspace for divination (putting on specific accessories, preparing your space, calling on spirits, etc.)

Request a divination from someone else

Walk away and come back to it when you feel more motivated

Scroll through others’ divination posts, watch a video, or listen to a podcast to get inspired to do your own divination

Conclusion

Again, there are countless possible issues and even further countless possible solutions to those issues. In general, walking away for a while, having a rest, practicing asking questions, and becoming more familiar with your tool over time will be the best tools in your belt. And if you can’t find a solution on your own, there’s no shame in crowdsourcing ideas for fixes! Ask your friends, your favorite witchy blogger, your Discord servermates, make a public post for others to comment on, or otherwise reach out. The best ideas often come from conversation.

Feel free to drop questions in the reblogs, replies, or my ask box if you’d like to ask me in particular about your divination troubles! I’m always happy to help out where I can. And if I’ve got no clue, one of my followers or mutuals might have a thought to share!

If you enjoyed this post or my other work, consider tossing a couple dollars in my tip jar! (And check out my commissions for custom spellwork and tarot readings!) Everything goes toward keeping me and my partner afloat on our bills, so it’s very much appreciated!

[gallifreyanhotfive]

Random Doctor Who Facts You Might Not Know, Part 61

With some Gallifrey at War content because I Make The Rules

The Fesitval of the Timewright, or Anmers-Tonastide, is a Gallifreyan holiday. (Novel: Cat's Cradle: Time's Crucible)

When the Sixth Doctor was forced to work with Davros at a company, he quickly made a nuisance of himself by ruining hours worth of Davros's work and then made Davros his assistant, having him make tea. (Audio: Davros)

The Third Doctor and Sarah Jane Smith once defeated an android maker, and out of revenge, the android maker made an android identical to the Third Doctor. The android had a bomb in its head. The plan was for the android to kill the Doctor, take his place, and then detonate, but it was all for naught because when the Doctor returned, he was in his Fourth incarnation. (Short story: The Android Maker of Calderon IV)

The Sword of Never is a weapon used for execution on Gallifrey. It can completely obliterate living things, rendering all of a Time Lord's regenerations useless. (Novel: Scratchman)

The Ninth Doctor's signature outfit was made of the first clothes he saw after his regeneration, not the result of prolonged rifling through wardrobes as it had sometimes happened in the past. (Short story: A Day to Yourselves)

When time spiders created a time loop, the Eleventh Doctor was bitten, but before he could permanently die, Valarie allowed herself to he bitten instead as time rewound. The time spider would target her. This killed her, which caused the Doctor to decide to blow up both himself and the TARDIS in the resulting grief and rage. Then time rewound again, and everything was eventually resolved. (Audio: The End)

The Third Doctor once developed a time bomb to defeat the Xhinn. It had the effect of aging them past their natural life span (and thus killing them) and destroying their space ship. (Novel: Amorality Tale)

The Mimesis was a theater on Gallifrey in which people could rewrite reality as part of an act. It was created by a cult of Gallifreyans. (Novel: Managra)

During the Last Great Time War, the Time Lords developed a weapon called the Hush - a being of living sound that could steal and eat voices. Later, the Tenth Doctor trapped the Hush in an audio recording, but it eventually escaped. (Audio: Dead Air) The Hush was also voiced by David Tennant.

One time, people began receiving phone calls from lost loved ones due to time distortion. Liv spoke to her father, Helen spoke to her brother, and the Eighth Doctor spoke to someone as well. It is never clarified which lost loved one it was that he spoke to. (Audio: Absent Friends)

When asked what animals they thought they were most like, Fitz said he was probably a golden retriever. The Eighth Doctor, on the other hand, thinks of himself as a unicorn. (Novel: Fear Itself)

Leela calls Jamie "Little Knife." (Audio: Dumb Waiter)

The Brigadier was able to recognize the Sixth Doctor based only on his clothes, the unexpectedness of his arrival, and the manner in which the Doctor greeted him. (Audio: The Spectre of Lanyon Moor)

When the Third Doctor 'resigned' from UNIT after the Brigadier killed the Silurians, he left England for Peru. While running away, he stowed away on an airplane disguised as an air stewardess after placing the original stewardess in a closet. He chose that particular stewardess - Fiona - because she was the tallest and would have a dress that fit him. (Audio: AWOL)

The War Master created several War Seeds - Gallifreyan-TARDIS hybrids - using his own DNA. The Seed could see into the future, can sense their siblings, and can dematerialize on the spot, and they embed themselves into a society and turn the people there into weapons for the Time War. The Seed's face changed between the different incarnations of the Master. Missy encountered the Seed and called him her son, bargaining with the one keeping him to give him the army the Seed created in exchange for his return and then leaving him on a safe planet to rest. (Audio: War Seed)

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[selodka-pod-shuboy]

Statement regarding a possible Lonely encounter I had today.

So I live on the coast, and after work, I use the bus to get home

Today, when walking to the station, I saw a very thick mist coming from above the mountains, mixing up with the clouds above. I thought: "Well, that's unexpected, but not strange'

And so I get to the bus stop, and after some waiting, get on the thing. Just to clarify: I start working really early in the morning, so i usually get to work by train, due to it being dark anyway, and the tickets are cheaper. During the day, on the other hand, the inconsistent timing of my shift end means that I tend to miss the train and go for the bus. It's a little bit pricier, but i get to see the coast, because the road goes along the side of the mountain, and the sea just seems so infinite and pretty... I get to sit all by myself, tired and satisfyed with my day, and listen to whatever music I currently fuss over. And so I'm on the bus, as usual, enjoying the view, right?

But after a couple of minutes guess what I see? We've just left the city I work at, and there is a ship. Not in the nearby harbor, nor moving anywhere. A ship, big and dark and it was not there in the morning, and it is absolutely SWALLOWED by the mist, and you don't get fog just covering the water like this, or at least I have never seen that before.

So by that point my thoughts are already a mixture of "What the fuuuuuk" and "Oi, Peter". As if it wasn't weird enough, the bus, even though stuffed to the brim with people was too quiet, and the ticket lady wasn't in sight, even though she is always really quick to get to you.

And for some context: I have only been living here for a couple of months, so I'm still in the process of beating the language barrier. I have progress, but I'm not that good still. And when I use public transport, I always think, of how nice it would be to understand , what the people next to me are laughing about (I'm not an eavesdropper, it's just the shit you hear sometimes is wild). And I just feel so disconnected to them. And utterly alone... Well, all that combined, you can't blame me for seeing it as one big TMA statement material

The bus went like this for about 3 minutes, right until we made a sharp turn to the other side of the mountain, where my home city began, which lead to the ship going out of the sight.

The fog was still there, but it looked a lot more like a normal stuff you get before the rain. As well as, before I knew it, the ticket-lady was in my face, and i reached for the change in my pocket.

Not that it matters, but right before my stop, the driver unexpectedly slowed down, causing all the people standing to half-trip (me among them). In that moment, everyone almost... Sorta woke up? Like, you didn't notice it before, but everyone were suddenly chatting and complaining and that just wasn't there before.

So, guys, what do we think, was this a genuine Lonely encounter, or do I just see a TMA reference everywhere nowdays?