#thought i had it under control

[shannaraisles]

Update on my situation:

I am urgently in need of the last of my rent money for June - this is due on Monday 24th June 2024, and the amount I need is £200.

I have applied for benefits, but have been told that the earliest I can expect a payment is in five weeks' time (all hail the dystopian governement, etc, etc). I have had more interviews, I have another two this week, and I am hoping against hope that someone will employ me soon, but for now, I am back to panicking.

I have commissions open, and I would very much appreciate any help anyone can put my way.

Ko-fi

Paypal

Please help if you can - commission me if you can and want to - reblog this as far and as wide as you are able to. I know times are hard, and it sucks having to ask for help from people who I know are struggling as well.

If you would like not to see this post, please blacklist the tag #niamh needs help

Thank you for reading, if nothing else.

[the-knife-consumer]

The weirdest thing in totk so far has been finding out that there was an intended method of finding mineru where you were supposed to get hints steadily on who the fifth sage was and you weren't supposed to just force your way through zero visibility thunderstorms for the sake of exploring and then getting jumpscared by a talking construct head and realizing you just triggered a major plot centric quest early to mid game with only two other sages

[erosastro]

WHY am I struggling so much with negative thoughts, fears and anxiety recently like wtf is happening man 😭

[hollypies]

Hey! Whats the plot/general idea behind the flowercrown au? :0

SO GLAD YOU ASKED!!!!

So, the basics is that each time Gordon dies everything resets back to right after the rescas explosion. However his body sprouts flowers from the wound that ended up killing him, each different flower represents a different person.

Purple = Dr. Coomer

Blue = Bubby

White = benrey (it's sort of a blue purple ?)

Yellow = Tommy

Each time everything resets, more flowers sprout, becoming apart of Gordon's body. And I do mean apart ! Gordon can get energy from whatever natural light his flowers pick up, and if a petal is pulled it bleeds. It's kind of body horror ? I think. He can still see out of his flower eye, much to everyone's confusion

The reason is that Gordon, much like everyone else in the science team, isn't exactly human. The main difference is that he really, genuinely believes he's human. And when the Rescas punched a hole through time and space it triggered something in his subconscious that allows him to return when he dies.

Sort of like how Benrey does it, but Gordon isn't really in control, he's just desperate and stubborn to make it out of Black Mesa. At first everyone thinks it's the rescas specifically that's causing the flowers, but after each time Gordon dies they remember the previous timeline a little more.

The tricky thing is that Gordon is also blocking out his own memories of dying, and the timeline resetting also makes it difficult to remember, even if he's technically the one resetting (not on purpose, he's not exactly in control). When he comes across an area he died in though, little.. leaks start to flow through. So while the Betrayal only happens once, each time he passes through that area he remembers it happen, like some really messed up deja vu.

He never really gets his arm back, and after he gets the mini gun the flowers also sprout over it. Yeowch

Also the flowers that represent the science team are personal to Gordon, like how you associate your friend with like. A certain color or item!

The flowers also sprout around Black Mesa! Not just on Gordon, although he doesn't knkw that he's the reason it's happening. He feels better in the flower rooms, and if the flowers are present there usually isn't any threat (the flowers absorbed any hostiles but shhhhh don't tell the science team that)

Tommy, Gman and Benrey are the only ones that know that time is being messed up at first, but Tommy doesn't know why until the last "run". Since Gman is outside of reality he's not as affected, and Tommy can tell due to being related to Gman (Tommy isn't really human lol), and Benrey... Benrey has their own rules. In the end everyone would figure it out, including Gordon.

He doesn't take it well, but this au does have a happy ending :)

[itz-pandora]

What is the darkest character you have explored from a psychological point of view so far?

Hmm... Probably Silver?

Like I'd need trigger warnings just to TALK about what I do to him.

(look at tags)

[hyper-cryptic]

(I DIDN'T FORGET A CAPTION... YOU DID!)

He pop'd in my brain and some demon took over my body to draw him n' other sillies from this au. :3

[autumnoakes]

if there's a zagreus fight in hades 2 and melinoë doesn't say his name in that same incredibly frustrated and furious tone as hades in his fight during the first game, i am going to be SO disappointed

[pyechmushy]

Hyperfixation so bad I spent two hours on tumblr looking at any post about it while listening to the character's playlist because I got so excited thinking about that I physically couldn't take it

[bonefall]

I'm glad you're keeping the part where Thunder puts himself between Clear Sky and Grey Wing, willingly showing that he would rather die before letting Clear Sky kill his dad.

That's actually a Bones Addition. You just think it's canon because it literally should have been there from the very beginning. Thunder doesn't get between them at any point during the battle, he runs towards them only to get interrupted by 2 people trying to kill him.

First was Falling Feather, who Jackdaw's Cry then jumps on and dies fighting with, sister killing brother.

Second was Leaf, who's a diehard Clear Sky supporter and general bully.

In canon, Clear Sky stops the battle after Gray Wing says the line, non-fucking-sensically imo. Killing his BROTHER is too far, but killing someone who wasn't even attacking him? A noncombatant who said something mildly insulting? That wasn't. Rainswept Flower did the SAME thing Gray Wing did and still got bumped off for it;

“Is this worth it?” he heard Clear Sky hiss at Rainswept Flower. Scrambling to her paws, she faced him. “What do you mean?” Clear Sky flattened his ears menacingly. “Are you ready to die just to stop me from making borders?” Rainswept Flower curled her lip. “You’ll keep stealing land as long as we let you.” “Stealing land?” Clear Sky’s mew trembled with rage, “I’m just making sure my cats never starve.” Rainswept Flower’s gaze flitted around the lush slopes of the hollow. “How could any cat starve here? There’s so much. Wanting more is just greedy!” “How dare you!” With a snarl, Clear Sky leaped for her, grabbing her throat between his jaws. Her paws flailed desperately, lashing out at thin air as he shook her like prey. Then she hung still. Clear Sky dropped her, gazing coldly at her lifeless body. “You never understood. I’m not greedy. I’m just strong.”

-The First Battle, Chapter 20

Then in Clear Sky's pathetic wet beast scene, he stares down at Rainswept's corpse, and thinks "I was so angry I don't remember killing her :("

So how, exactly, does this same character keep his cool when Gray Wing says the same shit but worse?? Is he really so controlled by emotion that his logical processes flip off, or fucking not? Gray Wing was refusing to submit, lunging at him, calling him power hungry and taunting him that he would kill his own littermate for it, and THAT manages to get through Clear Sky's blood-poisoned head?

"ouuugh it's his brotherr that's why his personality completely changes for him" the fucking guy tried to have this same brother murdered in Sun Trail by Fox. The first book. He EXILED HIS OTHER BROTHER for having a broken leg because he, "didn't want to look biased"

Again; is he controlled by his fear and anger or not? Is this a man who would snap the neck of someone he cares about because he feels insulted, or not?

The answer is that the Erins are breaking their spines bending over backwards to try and keep him "redeemable" when he shouldn't be. He's whatever the plot needs him to be, but the most consistent character traits point towards Clear Sky being the kind of person who would never have wanted to change his ways.

So, they write Clear Sky ridiculously backing down for Gray Wing, calling off the battle and "coming to his senses" instead of having Thunder do WHAT HE SHOULD HAVE DONE and jump to his REAL dad's defense.

This is what I mean when I mention how firmly I feel that Clear Sky's Redemption Arc was a mistake. He works best as a villain, a fearful, proud, controlling monster, understood by his impacts on other characters rather than as a person the story should concern itself with sympathy for.

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

the higher-ups (and Yaga) immediately trying to leverage Gojo & Ieri's absence to put Yuuta on the roster??? God that's such a stark moment. Thank god Nanami and Gojo saw through that one immediately, because Yuuta wants to justify his own survival so badly he would've fallen straight into it.

That whole scene, with Yuuta immediately jumping on the opportunity to help people even though something is Extremely Wrong with him and he's on the brink of physical collapse--this boy is selfless to the point of self destruction and I am chewing the drywall about it. I love him so much.

If only he was able to summon his newly found homicidal rage in defense of himself, the higher-ups would no longer be a problem. Alas, this boy is Extremely Unwell.

(Sea Glass Gardens is absolutely incredible and i am obsessed with it in a way that is totally and 100% normal. I'm so normal about it, trust me <3 )

The thing about Yuuta is that he really is prime to be taken advantage of right now and the higher ups know it. They had him try to kill himself for them--they know that there's a window of opportunity that they can use to get him under their thumb and avoid The Problem of Gojo, which is, namely, having a human weapon who you cannot fully control. Gojo nailed it from the beginning: they want a magic gatling gun with no personality or free will. They learned their lesson with Gojo and are trying to rob Yuuta of his agency before he learns how to protect himself.

And Yaga's part in that scene really was meant to kind of emphasize how, even with the best intention's, he just doesn't work to protect the kids. Like. everything he said was technically true, and he meant it with the best of intentions. He's the guy who has to think of everyone's needs. he has to manage this crisis. he's got a lot of people hurt badly who just came out of a war, and a lot of people going into fights with some very aggravated curses spawning without sufficient manpower to address the danger and no healer to save them if they cut it a little too close. He didn't have the intention of manipulating or sacrificing Yuuta, but he was aware that it would come to his detriment and risk.

The issue is the higher ups. They don't give a shit about the people in their workforce. They should be the ones doing whatever it takes to solve this crisis and save their people--and if that means giving up on their machinations? They should have already done it. It's their responsibility.

They just don't care. They want Okkotsu Yuuta under their thumb, and their society hemorrhaging is treated like an opportunity, not a dire problem to be solved. They don't care if half a dozen of their own people need to die to do it. Hell, it's better if they do die--they can put it straight on Okkotsu for not being willing to sacrifice himself, when they should have been making whatever promises they had to in order to make this work.

Gojo's done this before, is the thing. He was Yuuta, a long time ago. Nanami was right there watching it happen. They both know what the higher ups do: They let society get to a crisis level and put all the responsibility on you to save it. they let you maneuver yourself into a vulnerable position as a result, and then they use it as leverage to put their goddamn boot on your neck.

The thing is that Gojo adopting megumi all those years ago really did put them into a crisis state. the zenin pitched the mother of all bitch fits trying to secure his unconditional return, and they were a huge percentage of jujutsu society's labor force and resource pools. instead of the higher ups managing the problem at all, they took advantage of the situation and shoved more and more of its weight and responsibility onto gojo, until he was dropping off his own kid at his abusers' compound thinking it was the only compromise that could resolve things. megumi paid the price for gojo not calling bullshit, and right now, with him in a hospital bed? gojo's less willing to repeat mistakes than ever.

he knows that they're going to use the safety and suffering of everyone else as the leverage against him, and he knows that as terrible as it is, he cannot blink first. He's played this game before, and he knows that the only way to get the higher ups to back off on something like this is to dig in your heels.

I think what happened to Megumi all those years ago and how bad it got before they put a stop to it is something that haunts all three of them. When they first started raising him, they were very young, and they were very broken, and they loved him very, very much. He was their little boy, and he was never the same after the Zenin. They were supposed to protect him, and they didn't, and not a single one of them has forgiven themselves for that.

Megumi was sort of sacrificed for the greater good when he was a kid. None of them thought that that was what they were doing when it happened, but that's what happened. His happiness, safety, and wellbeing were sacrificed to pacify the Zenin and make it easier on everyone else.

Megumi and Tsumiki had to become their non-negotiables after. They had to become the things they refused to compromise on. The Zenin would take miles and miles if you gave them a millimeter, let alone an inch.

Gojo didn't think he was compromising them when he left them on their own to deal with Geto's war. They were disgustingly self-sufficient kids. They had been alone for longer stretches of time when they were practically toddlers--they should have been fine on their own for a couple of weeks.

But they were still his kids, and he still left them alone for everyone else's sake, and now his kid is blind and half dead in a hospital bed. It's like being punched in the face by old mistakes.

So they're off the roster completely, all of them. And they're not compromising an inch on what their focus is, and they're not letting anything happen to any of the other kids in their care.

It's terrible that their coworkers are suffering, but it wouldn't be happening if the Zenin hadn't fucked with Gojo Satoru's kid, of all the goddamn people. It wouldn't be happening if the higher ups would actually do their job and start managing shit.

And if they use Yuuta as an anxiety riddled bandaid on the bullet hole in their society? Then they'd be sacrificing him the way they sacrificed Megumi all those years ago. And they have never been less willing to do that.

I'm so so glad you like the story! Thank you for talking with me!

[youngpettyqueen]

ive had a week to grapple with this but nope brain still whirring over the idea of "you might need to actually get a cane"

[quillheel]

─  romantic gestures.   bold what applies to your muse , italicize if there's potential / it depends.

holding hands · buying flowers · cooking · cuddles · writing a poem / song · holding door open · tying shoe laces · sharing a milkshake with two straws · offering their jacket when it's cold · kissing in the rain · publicly confessing love · long walks at the beach · doing the titanic pose on a boat · taking cute pictures in a photo booth · sharing a taxi / uber · kissing the back of their hand · slow dancing · getting tickets of their favorite artist / sports team / other · introducing them to your parents · lighting candles · flower petals on bed · love letters · star gazing · brushing / doing their hair · picnics · teaching them to play an instrument / sport while gently guiding their hands · compliments · late night drives · taking selfies together · drawing them · self-made gifts · massages · proposing with a family heirloom ring · lending them your favorite book to read · paying for dinner / coffee · mixtapes / playlists · surprise birthday parties · feeding them · handing them keys to your apartment · making space in drawer for their clothes when they stay over · sharing a blanket · couple costumes · tucking a hair strand behind their ear · running after them at the airport / keeping them from leaving · moving cities to be together · blowing a kiss · breakfast in bed · defending them in a fight (verbally / physically) · joint bubble baths · dropping the L-bomb ("i love you") · dedicating a song at the karaoke bar to them · wearing their clothes · yawning before putting an arm around them while watching a movie · granting them the last bite (from meal)

tagged by: stolen from @infog <3 I legally HAD to tagging: @tenebriism @braveryhearted @autonomousxselves @fantomevoleur @musesofthesun @pluviacuratio @tendercoded / @manebloom / @lncanting @cozyfarms @deiscension @shadowedresolve @sakuaxe @lovlorne @leuvspell @adoranoia and you!!!! ( multi's, decide as you please! )

[adxmanial]

—

[falst]

What’s your charlotte character like?

Mine is an insane blue teifling vessel whos possessed by a god who wants to kill a random aroace girl who doesn’t even know her all cuz she thinks the aroace girl is love with the girl she likes (she isn’t, she is aroace but Charlotte doesn’t know what that means lmao)

!!! your Charlotte sounds so cool !!!

Mines a girl out of a rich family who was basically kicked out bc one of her moms came from lower standing + she started doing some forbidden magic and turned herself spider-y (mostly just changing her eye color and growing more eyes) who’s trying to travel down to a magic school in the southern part of the continent so she can get her magic under control and be as re-accepted into her family. Shes also a trans lesbian and plays the violin

[time-like-tears-in-rain]

A very insane character detail that haunts me is that when Rose first goes into the Tardis with Nine, the jump seat in the console room seats two...but after Ten dies, the Tardis interior burns, and Eleven goes into the new console room...there are still jump seats for multiple passengers, but each only seats one.

[huh-1260]

Dang, seems day 4 of fluffvember is going to be late, sorry