#though. I clearly have issues
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So I got a hEDS diagnosis, competent AND nice doctor, short term pain management considerations, long term pain management considerations, and further investigations to be thorough? All from the one doctor in one appointment? Which I got safety net rebate on? This disability pride month?
It’s more likely than you think.
#the ups and downs of chronic illness#chronic illness#heds#ehlers danlos syndrome#invisible illness#we Stan my new rheum#even tho I traveled 4 hrs across states to see him it was a wise decision#and yeah can we just appreciate he took me at my word#I’m so used to being questioned and like#interrogated by my doctors in an ~I don’t believe you ~ kind of way#that the unproblematicness of this appointment has me doubting the validity of the diagnosis#though. I clearly have issues#so it fits#but it feels like I conned my way into it which is silly#anyways looking forward to pain management#in conjunction to working with my new physio#who is a hand specialist and is really going for it with my weird hands#I’m getting braces and what not and they are so helpful#like I’m getting help#it’s amazing
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despite Laios low self esteem making him think that if he’d been eaten, Chilchuck and Marcille wouldn’t have helped Falin,
theres a small part of me that thinks the reason Chilchuck stayed with the party and went back in the dungeon in the first place was because he didn’t want to leave Laios alone. That Laios was moreso the reason he stayed.
#dungeon meshi#chilaios#OK SORRY. THE DEMONS. I REALLY DID NOT WANT TO LIKE THIS PAIRING. I DIDNT. BUT. HHH. FHFHJFJV. I FEEL CRAZY. LET ME EXPLAIN.#Pre canon it seems Laios is the person Chilchuck is really the closest to#He gets along with Namari and they are probably way better as buddies than he and Laios but#He and Laios seem *closer*#If that makes sense#Laios calls him his first name enough and without any issue or hesitation from Chilchuck#That I sort of inagine its not like. A misunderstanding. Laios is on a first name basis with him for a reason.#He also worries probably more than anyone about Laios#And his biggest criticism of him is that hes “reckless”#he’s comfortable around Laios in a very specific way and so is Laios around him#and in the series he shows many times that he’ll risk his life to protect Laios#Like staying with him to confront the elves because he was worried Laios would say something stupid#Hes the first one to run up to him when Falin punches him#I mean I think he was also going back for Falin like its not like I think he doesn’t care about her or anything#He clearly does#But I don’t know if he’d have gone back if Laios hadn’t#And if Laios had been eaten I think he wouldn’t have even had to be convinced by Falin#I also think Marcille would’ve gone back for him but probably more bc Falin was going back#Like sort of a reversed thing#AGAIN not that I don’t think she cared about Laios at the beginning either#But she before the story she was mostly Falin’s friend who knew Laios through Falin#She only really got to know him when Falin got eaten and they had to do a team building exercise#Though now I sort of want to see an actually reversed scenario#Bc we also know that Chilchuck is sort of uncomfortable around Falin (said in relationship chart)#So I would love to see them be forced into a team building exercise to find a person they both love the way Laios and Marcille were
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"why don't you want him to know how much you love him?" "that's a little personal. he knows." "uh-huh."
#interview with the vampire#iwtv#armand#the vampire armand#loumand#louis de pointe du lac#daniel molloy#alice molloy#must preface that NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO USE THIS FOR LDPDL HATE PURPOSES#even though louis (well both of them lbr) clearly had communication and commitment issues#armand directed a play that would KILL louis all because he was self conscious that louis didn't love him enough#anyway this is just one interpretation of the 'alice rejected daniel's proposal' convo scene#cause i see soo many people ask 'why did armand say all that' (and have wondered so myself)#even though we cant rule out the possibility that devil's minion happened in the past and that this was armandaniel history tease#armand could be projecting his choice re: louis and the trial onto alice's choice here#similar to how daniel was projecting his feelings about paris onto claudia in this same episode#i just think this would make sense thematically w armand's arc this season#(ie revealing what a deeply insecure and selfish and fucked up lover he is under his guise as a 500 yo devoted and caring husband)#armand 🤝 lestat: i will love you and i will hurt you. if i cant have you then i will break you#[plays under your spell by desire] whats the difference between love and obsession and desire? do you think this feeling could last forever#c.txt#mine#'she didnt think she could trust you' sounds like a YOU problem buddy#and then armand realizes he was wrong too late and bro was SCRAMBLING#the start of something beautiful aka failmarriage!!! :D
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Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~
(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)
#ootd#jfashion#fashion#fantasy fashion#mori kei#....like... adjacent... lol#no idea what style this would be lol.. makes me think of like whimsical vaguely fantasy themed childrens book character#finally posting one of my aforementioned seven million drafts of actual outfits and costumes i have finished and edited#the photos for but just never feel like posting lol..#I need to find one of those people whos like 'omg i am ADDICTED to social media ugh i wish i could get off of it#im just browsing and posting like 60 times a daaaaay!!!' and take a little magical bottle and suck some of the social media#enthusiasim out of them. for moi. In exchange they can have some of my 'literally just never in the mood to post or interact with the#outside world ever' energy. We can balance each other. huzzah and so on#Though I think maybe it's part of the general thing I've heard of like.. I can't remember if it was in reference to adhd or just some sort#of general execcutive functioning issue type of thing - but the idea that things have to be ''just right'' before you do something. like#'oh i need to do this task. but i have to wait until XYZ first' or 'oh i can do this but only if X specific condition is met' or etc#The fact that I even have to be in a Specific Mindset to post. or sometimes will delay posting on social media because like 'oh well#I'm going somewhere tomorrow. somehow this matters. i cannot spend 5 minuts posting TONIGHT. clearly it will interfere#somehow schedule wise with the doctor appointment i have 15 hours from now. yes. yes. i must wait until my appointment is over#tomorrow afternoon. THEN i shall post' or etc. etc. lol. NOT even taking into account the many days#I just genuinely and physically sick and it's not even a mental thing. I just physically dont feel like sitting at the computer lol..#ANYWAY.. trying to get back into it. trying to get a business bank account.. make a proper paypal so i can start selling sculptures again.#selling clothes and sculptures.. posting about such things then of course as one must. etc... chanting to hype up and motivate myself lol#But yes. this is my favorite outfit out of the bunch so I am posting it first I guess.. maybe others later..#Also the purple dress says its from shein. which I've heard is bad fast fashion stuff. but maybe okay since its second hand? I havent#been to the bins since like 2020 or late 2019 even. and I think stuff like shein and temu has only become poular in the past few years#but I bet if I went to the bins now I might would find a good handfull of that stuff. Probably now not much different than what you#find in a walmart or a forever 21 or actual physical stores you can go to though. I hear quality of clothing is down everywhere no matter#where you get it or whatnot. What bountiful joys unfettered capitalism and exploitation bestows upon us (<being sarcastic).#Wearing one of my favorite little vests though. I love the texture of it and the clasps on it
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"He knows I'm not the possessive type. I'm totally cool with him having other friends." Girl twenty issues earlier you stole your mom's scrubs to sneak into a hospital and spy on your boyfriend's female friend after he repeatedly told you they were just friends. ARE you cool with it
from Robin (1993) #101
#approximately twenty issues later she will see her boyfriend being kissed by another girl and immediately ghost him and take his old job.#no questions asked#in this issue alone she gets irritated because (wait for it) tim appears to be making friends with his elevator boy#there were plenty of moments in steph's characterization that were....shall we say....male-writer coded#but for real though i have such a soft spot in my heart for steph's jealous streak (and her repeated denial of it)#she's so clearly spent so much of her life without feeling especially loved by anyone in particular. and now she has tim#who tends to be much more secure in his relationships and genuinely DOES think steph is perfectly fine with him having other friends#(BECAUSE SHE HAS TOLD HIM SO AND HE TAKES HER AT HER WORD)#but she's plagued by the fear that she'll lose him. and that fear scares her too#another instance of steph not really *getting* tim's boundaries honestly#altogether genuinely one of the most teenaged girl things ever#she's imperfect and i love her for it with all my heart#i support women's wrongs.#stephanie brown#spoiler#oli reads comics
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I'm not ready to shut up about Aveline and Carver--so, when you go see Aveline in Act 1, you can catch up with her a little bit and that's where this conversation can happen:
Aveline: "It's just one more change, though. The real end for me was Ostagar. What about you, Carver? You were there. Do you feel something similar?" Carver: No. Aveline: All right, then. Bit of a tit, your brother.
I wanted to see what she would say if Carver isn't in the party. Instead, she says this:
Aveline: Carver was there. I imagine he feels something similar. If he allows it.
......well, at least she didn't call him a tit?
#dragon age 2#da2#carver hawke#aveline vallen#she's slightly nicer to him when he's not there but she's still like 'maybe he feels something similar but probably pretends not to'#like i'm not gonna pretend that carver doesn't bottle any feelings--he doesn't openly talk about bethany a lot for a reason#but to suggest he pretends to be unfeeling about things like ostagar is incorrect like he CLEARLY feels a lot about it#because he associates the battle at ostagar with losing his home and sister to the darkspawn#after playing as a warrior hawke who is best friends with aveline i do have a little more insight into why she might think this about carve#when hawke is a warrior they were at ostagar. they share that traumatic experience with aveline and if they're friends#they discuss it in a way that i think aveline *wants* y'know? but with carver he doesn't respond the way she wants him to#so she gets frustrated since even if she tried to talk to hawke about it... hawke wasn't there. hawke doesnt KNOW what ostagar#was like but carver does... but it's like aveline is ready to assume the worst of carver a lot of the time?#like 'carver doesn't talk about it because he's a tit who pretends not to feel' is the vibe i get from this but aveline...#that's like calling you a tit because you don't want to openly discuss all your feelings about your dead husband#listen aveline and carver are so similar but they have such key differences like they both survived the horror of ostagar#and lost a loved one to darkspawn while fleeing lothering AND they both blame hawke for it to a degree#even though they both know that's not right and that it wasn't really hawke's fault#they're both stubborn warriors with daddy issues looking to find their place#and when it comes to flirting? well i don't think carver's as bad as aveline#but i played MotA i know all about 'you could tame its wild heart'#but the key differences come in how they the end the game y'know? especially if carver's on the friendship path as a warden#i still haven't made him a templar but something tells me he ends up more on the same road as aveline#vs when he's a grey warden and able to be away from kirkwall and find a place on his own#y'all i could write a whole essay on aveline and carver but i paused my game to write this so i should go back to that sksksk
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ngl i've been kinda surprised by the lack of veilguard stuff i've seen on my dash since it released - i've very thoroughly given up on it, but even ppl who seemed hyped about it have largely just... not been posting abt veilguard at all.
then i looked in the da critical tag and, uh, yeah. i can understand why. it's not an actively bad game, but it sounds to be very... shallow and mcu-ified? i'll admit i had basically given up on veilguard, but i did kinda want bioware to prove me wrong. not that i would've bought it anyway given the way they've treated their company veterans. it's just such a shame.
#weirdly though reading ppl's thoughts on veilguard makes me want to continue my da:o replaythrough even more#origins is *so* good#it may have its issues and god knows i've spoken about them#but you can see the creativity seeping out from the limitations of 2009 tech#bioware#dragon age critical#da2 did its damn best too given how quickly they had to crunch that game to release#inquisition even had its moments as much as i don't care for it#anyway. thank fuck i still have obsidian inxile larian and owlcat for great rpgs#see i want to add logic artists to that list bc i've been playing expeditions rome recently#and my god. i'd guess the budget is a bit/fair bit below owlcat's typical budget for their games#but it's still really fun and playing as a female character is a delightfully (and sometimes depressingly) impactful choice#BUT the studio got fucking dissolved by the founders so they could create a new studio focused on the goddamn blockchain#zero points for the founders all the points to the actual employees who clearly loved the setting they were working with
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Armand's simpering little "and I never have" has taken on new dimensions for me. Technicality king and also I think very in keeping with his whole malign fairy creature deal. You can tell him not to hurt the bae, but you should really specify what "hurt" entails. Is chopping someone's hands off really hurting them? If they have annoyed you very much I mean.
-questions Armand might pose to Lestat that inspire him to leave the country
#I do think the root of what makes Lesmad so funny is that it is literally the one of two times Lestat has displayed good sense in love#both times his mother was standing right there telling him what to do so take from that what you will#but lestat does enjoy negative attention and fucking around to find out and needling powerful entities who are enamored with him#it takes so much for him to say yes you're hot. but still no#you are too good at fucking will my head and too willing to take liberties with my body i don't like this#though iirc part of it was having experienced Armand's mind whammy he didn't want to leave him in proximity to Gabrielle#once again mommy issues carry the day#anyway#press says iwtv#I have a post percolating in my heart about the reversal of Gabby telling Lestat she just wants to die knowing he's safe in Paris with his#boyfriend#explicitly severing their codependent you're my other half my twin me but a man thing#and Gabby telling him to leave Nicki with Armand and run#but it's actually half a post that amounts to a) this too is a perversion brought on by living past your own death and#b) actually though it's her being a good mom in both instances#like probably the two times she most clearly manages that are#leave this place and me and live your own best life without guilt or shame#and leave your boyfriend who has had a psychotic break and hates you now. do not involve yourself with the sewer creature who is violently#obsessed with you.#she packed up her kid and she left! also did some other things but we don't need to talk about that#cw: incest#interview with the vampire
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maizuru and milsiril are my favorite fucked up dungeon meshi mother figures
#dungeon meshi#maizuru#milsiril#my post#both were involved in some kind of highly skilled group (espionage/ninja work and the canaries)#maizuru and milsiril both have some aspect that makes their relationship with their sort of son innately complicated.\#maizuru has been having and affair and milsiril has biases towards short lived races#both dote heavily on them but milsiril does it more clearly in an overprotective way#their sons have complicated emotions towards them. and they’re right for that#lets see… toshiro always eats the food maizuru makes due to the love in its preparation. he doesn’t seem to have a relationship with his mok#*mom#so he was very close to maizuru#but after finding out she and his dad was having an affair he closed off from her. maizuru still heavily dotes on him however#maizuru also invented a spell to scare his child self into returning to her#and trained ninja techniques into him (I believe?)#and milsiril (though she did train him) didn’t like the idea of kabru going into dangerous dungeons#she ended up coddling him in that regard. he doesn’t know how to do household chores (but I doubt toshiro knows either LMAO)#(he probably has servants or maizuru who do it for him)#but in fighting specifically:#milsiril also trained kabru in sword fighting but unlike maizuru’s training it’s not very useful in the dungeon#now back to food:#unlike maizuru’s food the elven foods milsiril gave kabru weren’t as well received#that has to do with the different culture he’s from though#he thinks of his birth mom’s food more and had a stringer relationship with her#*stronger#despite some issues kabru says that he’s grateful for her as his foster mom (iirc)#I imagine toshiro’s probably the same way even if he wouldn’t admit it (BECAUSE MAIZURU IS FUCKING HIS DAD???)#toshiro doesn’t feel close to any of his family so his biggest connections as a kid probably would’ve been maizuru and hien.#kabru has milsiril and rin and all anyone could ever want but would never want to return to#anyways. end of essay. tldr: milfs are messy
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🐮
#@ comment directed to me in a tag. i have not talked abt them anywhere publicly but if u were deep enough in the paint in 2020ish theyre#like not super surprising. i think i wanna get back around to the trolls in my reread (so itll b a while) before i say anthing solid#just so i can go in w intent to pay closer attention again but like#overall have a low opinion on most the troll boys insofar as i see that the narrative seems to also not care for them. they seem to exist#to serve narrative purposes & end up discarded when no longer relevant. ie they dont end up very interesting and thus i view#many fans with suspicion when they have 'boys disease' ie having an outsized focus on the boys of the story despite hs being by the end#an extremely female dominated text with a lot to say about masculinity as an opressive force#tavros and gamzee are the biggest bugbears here (only really beaten out in eyebrow raising by cronus and the male dancestors)#on account of fans of them often downplaying gamzee's misogyny that is core to his role as a charismatic cult leader (or worse#sending trans women death threats when they made the factual assesment that gamzee was written to be a weird misogynist calling it#character assassination etc. man 2020 was wild.) tavros mostly just ends up being an accessory to this crime tbh. though his genuinely#complicated relationship w vriska oft being flattened to villify vriska + an inability to actually read what tavros Says...#like. if you get rid of tavros' quirk. stammering and all. and read his lines. he's kind of fucking rude? and yeah its alternia they all ar#but i have my hesitancies wrt how people seem to infantilise him (a disabled character) to the point of ignoring his dialogue and flaws#when one of tavros' core conceits (u can argue if this is . like. something hussie should have stayed out of. like its not their lane) is#that shitty ppl online will be assholes but will be allowed to get away with it due to unrelated disability. which like. it was 2010 ig#but this is hit upon again with mituna being distinctly a 4 channer with real brain damage and speech issues & all his friends letting him#get away with shit he still clearly has the cognitive capacity to know is wrong. its very messily handled but. i dont rlly like tavros ig.#will b amazed if tumblr doesnt eat these tags i went on wayy too long. but im not putting this in plaintext for obvi reasons#lucabytereads
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i will never justify why i like deh bc i don’t have to actually. i can just like it no qualifier needed
#this is inspired by a post but by no means a direct response#im just sick of anyone who ever says they like deh following it up with an ‘even though it sucks’#u can just say u like it#also it doesn’t suck okay it’s not problematic bc that doesn’t#doesn’t mean anything#the story isn’t trying to tell people to lie about knowing dead kids it’s not a moral lesson#the music slaps#have ur issues with it whatever but stawp with the shame#no media is without flaws#deh is not objectively bad as much as people want to believe that#honestly no one gets to clown on deh when dark romance is insanely popular on tiktok#by which I mean clearly we can understand that media doesn’t have to reflect real life morals#it doesn’t have to be pure and clean#im literally so cold rn#that’s unrelated#let people enjoy deh guilt free#let the tiktok girlies enjoy mafia stalker fiction#live and let live!#do i main tag this#dear evan hansen#deh#dear evan hansen (2021)
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"Among their complaints [in 1460, the Yorkists] specifically blamed the earls of Wiltshire and Shrewsbury and Viscount Beaumont for ‘stirring’ the king [Henry VI] to hold a parliament at Coventry that would attaint them and for keeping them from the king’s presence and likely mercy, asserting that this was done against [the king's] will. To this they added the charge that these evil counselors were also tyrannizing other true men* without the king’s knowledge. Such claims of malfeasance obliquely raised the question of Henry’s fitness as a king, for how could he be deemed competent if such things happened without his knowledge and against his wishes? They also tied in rumors circulating somewhat earlier in the southern counties and likely to have originated in Calais that Henry was really ‘good and gracious Lord to the [Yorkists] since, it was alleged, he had not known of or assented to their attainders. On 11 June the king was compelled to issue a proclamation stating that they were indeed traitors and that assertions to the contrary were to be ignored." - Helen Maurer, "Margaret of Anjou: "Queenship and Power in Late Medieval England"
Three things that we can surmise from this:
We know where the "Henry was an innocent helpless king being controlled and manipulated by his Evil™ advisors" rhetoric came from**.
The Yorkists were deliberately trying to downplay Henry VI's actual role and involvement in politics and the Wars of the Roses. They cast him as a "statue of a king", blamed all royal policies and decisions on others*** (claiming that Henry wasn't even aware of them), and framed themselves as righteous and misunderstood counselors who remained loyal to the crown. We should keep this in mind when we look at chronicles' comments of Henry's alleged passivity and the so-called "role reversal" between him and Queen Margaret.
Henry VI's actual agency and involvement is nevertheless proven by his own actions. We know what he thought of the Yorkists, and we know he took the effort to publicly counter their claims through a proclamation of his own. That speaks louder than the politically motivated narrative of his enemies, don't you think?
*There was some truth to these criticisms. For example, Wiltshire (ie: one of the men named in the pamphlet) was reportedly involved in a horrible situation in June which included hangings and imprisonments for tax resistance in Newbury. The best propagandists always contain a degree of truth, etc. **I've seen some theories on why Margaret of Anjou wasn't mentioned in these pamphlets alongside the others even though she was clearly being vilified during that time as well, and honestly, I think those speculations are mostly unnecessary. Margaret was absent because it was regarded as very unseemly to target queens in such an officially public manner. We see a similar situation a decade later: Elizabeth Woodville was vilified and her whole family - popularly and administratively known as "the queen's kin" - was disparaged in Warwick and Clarence's pamphlets. This would have inevitably associated her with their official complaints far more than Margaret had been, but she was also not directly mentioned. It was simply not considered appropriate. ***This narrative was begun by the Duke of York & Warwick and was - demonstrably - already widespread by the end of 1460. When Edward IV came to power, there seems to have been a slight shift in how he spoke of Henry (he referred to Henry as their "great enemy and adversary"; his envoys were clearly willing to acknowledge Henry's role in Lancastrian resistance to Yorkist rule; etc), but he nevertheless continued the former narrative for the most part. I think this was because 1) it was already well-established and widespread by his father, and 2) downplaying Henry's authority would have served to emphasize Edward's own kingship, which was probably advantageous for a usurper whose deposed rival was still alive and out of reach. In some sense, the Lancastrians did the same thing with their own propaganda across the 1460s, which was clearly not as effective in terms of garnering support and is too long to get into right now, but was still very relevant when it came to emphasizing their own right to the throne while disparaging the Yorkists' claim.
#henry vi#my post#wars of the roses#margaret of anjou#Look I’m not trying to argue that Henry VI was secretly some kind of Perfect King™ whose only misfortune was to be targeted by the Yorkists#That is...obviously pushing it and obviously not true#Henry was very imperfect; he did make lots of errors and haphazard/unpopular decisions; and he did ultimately lose/concede defeat#in both the Hundred Years War and the subsequent Wars of the Roses.#He was also clearly less effective than his predecessor and successor (who unfortunately happened to be his father and usurper respectively#and that comparison will always affect our view of his kingship. It's inevitable and in some sense understandable.#But it's hardly fair to simply accept and parrot the Yorkist narrative of him being a “puppet of a king”.#Henry *did* have agency and he was demonstrably involved in the events around him#From sponsoring alchemists to issuing proclamations to participating in trials against the Yorkists (described in the 1459 attainder)#We also know that he was involved in administration though it seems as though he was being heavily advised/handheld by his councilors#That may be the grain of truth which the Yorkists' image of him was based on.#But regardless of Henry's aptitude he was clearly *involved* in ruling#Just like he was involved in plots against Yorkist rule in the early 1460s before he was captured.#And he did have some successes! For example in 1456 he travelled to Chester and seems to have been responsible#for reconciling Nicholas ap Gruffyd & his sons to the crown and granting them a general pardon.#Bizarrely Ralph Griffiths has credited Margaret for this even though there is literally no evidence that she was involved.#We don't even know if she travelled with Henry and the patent rolls offering the pardon never mention her.#Griffiths seems to have simply assumed that it was Margaret's doing because of 1) his own assumption that she was entirely in control#while Henry was entirely passive and 2) because it (temporarily) worked against Yorkist interests.#It's quite frustrating because this one of the most probable examples we have of Henry's own participation in ruling in the late 1450s#But as usual his involvement is ignored :/#Also all things considered:#The verdict on Henry's kingship may not have been so damning if his rule hadn't been opposed or if the Lancastrians had won the war?#Imo it's doubtful he would be remembered very well (his policies re the HYW and the economic problems of that time were hardly ideal)#but I think it's unlikely that he would have been remembered as a 'failed king' / antithesis of ideal kingship either#Does this make sense? (Henry VI experts please chime in because I am decidedly not one lol)
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I’d need to watch it again to confirm this, but I’m pretty sure that Thomas Becket is the only character who independently initiates touch with Henry?
There are plenty of people whom Henry touches, and it’s almost always possessive or threatening: the villager woman in the first flashback scene, the Saxon peasant girl (and possibly the old man? I think he prods at both of them with his riding crop), Gwendolen (holding her shoulders/neck), the French prostitute (kissing, leaning over, sitting on, slapping her butt), his sons (pushing and kicking them), the bishop (strangling), his barons (clutching onto one, tapping one’s head to indicate his vapidness), and Thomas too—(clasping his shoulders when he realizes Thomas is hurt, holding his hand to put on the chancellor ring).
Interestingly, I don’t think we ever see Henry touch or be touched by his mother or his wife. There’s the moment when he grabs/kicks their needlework, and later on he knocks all the plates off the table, possibly vaguely in their direction—so there are two physical interactions which are violent but still sort of… distant? And still the direction is just Henry to them (in terms of physicality, anyway—verbally, they do initiate conversations/fights with him).
Does anyone touch Henry? There are the monks who whip him in the end, but Henry has ordered them to do it. Likewise, there’s the servant/valet/page who begins to wipe him dry in the bath scene, but again, that’s someone performing a duty. Thomas Becket though, cuts in and takes over the drying, and the dialogue tells us explicitly that he’s not expected to do this, and doesn’t have to (“You’re a nobleman—why do you play at being my valet?”) but Becket seemingly wants to do it, and he knows Henry likes how he does it: enthusiastically, confidently, warmly, and freely (“No one does it like you, Thomas”). He towels Henry’s head, helps Henry put on his boots, and then casually uses Henry’s legs to push himself up to stand.
There’s the scene in Henry’s tent, after the French prostitute has left and the two of them are sitting on the bed: Becket sort of leans in and briefly clasps Henry’s arm where it’s lying in his lap, casually and warmly.
There’s also the getaway horse ride, where Becket is holding onto Henry, arms wrapped around him, and they’re both laughing and smiling. Henry’s shirt actually falls open a little and Becket’s hand winds up on his bare torso.
And then there are the thwarted attempts at touch, after the split: the two scenes where Henry accuses Becket of not loving him. Both times, Becket moves toward Henry and reaches out to touch him, and both times, Henry moves away and tells him to keep his distance.
They’re quick little things, but if they are actually the only instances of anyone touching Henry affectionately (or even of their own volition) that we see over the course of the movie, it does support an impression of Henry as fundamentally isolated—maybe there is truth to his claim that Becket is the only person who’s ever loved him.
What’s tragic is that 1) Henry doesn’t really know how to express love himself (see: Henry expressing nothing but violence and entitlement to everyone else around him, and even to Becket for the most part), and 2) Becket’s love, albeit huge in Henry’s world, is conflicted and unfulfilling—for both of them.
Becket might be the only person who’s dared to reach out to Henry and meet him on something close to a human level, and Henry loves him for it, but why does Becket do it? Part of it may just be an instinct of Becket’s to fulfill a need where he sees one, if he can, and if it benefits him. I think it’s so interesting that Henry seems obsessed with the question of whether Thomas really loves him, when it seems the truth might be that Thomas actually doesn’t know; maybe it’s an unanswerable, even nonsensical question to him. Like, what else could he do? I don’t know. “Insofar as I was capable of love, yes I did [love you].” But the fact that his last words, unwitnessed and private, are, “Poor Henry.” Fuck me up.
Ok, that last paragraph got away from me and now I can’t stop. Tempted to draw comparisons to “Beauty and the Beast” (this is a sad version where no magical transformation happens… unless you take a particular Catholic stance and consider that both of them maybe took real solace and meaning in Thomas being made a saint and that Henry maybe found real absolution through his penance).
I also want to compare all of this to “The Lion in Winter”, where it feels like, rather than a story about one lonely monster in a castle full of people he sees as objects, it’s a whole microcosm of traumatized and power-hungry people, reaching out for power and security and love and stabbing each other in the back, over and over. (Like, of course his mother and wife and kids have complex feelings for him—some of which involve love!) I think that depiction is better and less myopic, more true to life and probably a more accurate portrait of the historical figures involved (even when it comes to Henry and Becket—Becket was of that world too, after all), but I think I’ve rambled enough about all of this, so I’m going to end this post now. I’ll just say that there’s something nevertheless appealing about the boiled-down fairytale melodrama of “no one else ever loved me but you!”
#this entire post (tag ramble and all) was in my Drafts for like 3 months. it’s a lot of words that don’t say much but I’m setting it free ->#and now a new epiphany#henry is just the fucking phantom of the opera again isn’t he lmao#the original blorbo#(for me I mean)#which makes thomas christine and god… is raoul.. :/#maybe it’s a hot take to call becket a simple fairytale melodrama lol#it has its complexities… there’s… spirituality and politics#(although idk if the film is actually that interested in the matter of the separation of church vs state)#there’s the entire thing about oppressive hierarchal social structures and whether love is possible within such a structure#and if it’s not possible to escape and not possible to love in it then is love even a meaningful concept? is this becket’s issue?#in the dvd commentary peter otoole was so unconcerned with / unaware of a marxist and feminist reading of it that I was baffled#and had to realize that I was seeing that by default but that it’s not like. actually the default or Correct meaning#the co-commentator tries to go down that direction talking about Henry’s mistreatment of Becket and Gwendolen#and then he asks otoole if he thought that was reading into it too much and otoole is like ‘yes lol’ so .#his take seemed almost existentialist? like the tragedy of henry and thomas is that they are bound to different Roles in the world#and that they simply couldn’t be otherwise even though parts of them wanted it to be different#because they’ve chosen different paths different meaning to fulfill (but are aligned in a way by becket’s death/ascension)#and that is definitely a huge aspect of it#becket’s line: ‘we must do—absurdly—what we have been given to do’#hmm#anyway clearly I’m fucking insane now so#have this I guess . or don’t lol. goodnight#I’m giving myself a d+ for this tumblr.com paper#becket#peter o’toole as henry ii cinematic universe
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No one in Dead Friend Forever is innocent. Absolutely no one. Everyone played a part in Non's disappearance/death. I was really holding out on Jin and Phee, but Jin, my boy, that's not something you do to someone you love. Phee, I get that you are extremely hurt and really really upset, but don't say "Go die".
#dead friend forever#dff the series#thai bl drama#slasher bl#i know everyone is going to say phee didn't do anything wrong#it's a pretty accurate response to such a situation#but I've had a friend who wasn't doing well whose boyfriend told her to go kill herself because of some issue & she took it almost literall#so even though phee is suffering he shouldn't have said that#jin how could you even film that?!#non is obviously not doing well and he's being used by everyone left right and center#clearly no on cares about him except phee and it's just unfortunate that things turned out this way#how much more is non going to suffer? 😭😭😭#I'm ready to get back to the present day to see everyone getting absolutely murdered#Por should have suffered more!#dead friend forever the series#dff
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literally i feel ridiculous after watching this show and not liking it. the person i watched it with is all “it was funny and cute is that not enough for you” like internal consistency and themes don’t matter at all and im crazy for thinking they do. but then i go online and the reception is negative but it’s just laundry lists of “bad things” that were depicted and little about the actual writing or production
#t#i know they exist!! i saw real criticisms for it before i watched it#ok whatever maybe i’m pretentious for thinking television should have good writing#and like yes yes i know im the first to argue ‘good/bad’ to review art is a prison for your mind and i like to make more specific#judgements about it. i don’t know what else to call it but bad though.#it’s an issue with the writing though mainly due to consistency (not having it)#clearly i’m very bothered by this i’m not quite sure why#maybe i will post that review afterall….. it feels mean only because i have nothing nice to say#even though i know people worked hard on it. i can probably find a few positives
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that historical fiction character would hold that general belief but they would not phrase it like that
#bolo liveblogs#this post is about. wu zetian ironwidow I'm sorry#do I think it's incorrect to say that no women in the far past (though iron widow's more of a steampunk situation) have ever opposed#their patriarchal societies? yes!#do I read some of the things she says and read it *so clearly* in the voice of a woman from the 21st century? yes!!#a lot of feminist retellings of greek/roman myths also have this issue#yes I love this commitment to interrogating the misogyny of the original text but neatly resolving everything#with modern-style feminism bores me#like that post about the difference between a historical fiction character saying ''love is love'' vs#''well I would hate to see a man hanged for it''
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