#though‚ i shouldn't have planned on my ex doing anything they said they would do. again and again i make this mistake. whoops

[beneathsilverstars]

i hate my ex so much they said they were gonna go on our kid's field trip today and now they're like i might have to work instead bc i planned badly :( if i say i cant go will i be tortured and skinned alive :( like buddy stop making this about you and your anxiety i'm not gonna reassure you that it's ok to not show up for your kid. it's your choice, if you think it's necessary than just fucking do it and accept the consequences. actually you know what maybe i'll just say that to them

[andromeda-pleiades]

Talk

Who wants to see this story I started on 02/06/2024. I'm probably never going to finish it, but here yall go.

Kyle x m!reader.

Past Soap x m!reader

Kyle knows that he shouldn't be thinking or feeling any of the things he is at the moment, but, when he looks up from his seat at the table in one of the meeting rooms he finds you staring, he can't ignore the butterflies that stir to life in his stomach. Those pretty brown eyes of his are quick to avert back to Price, but, for the short few seconds that you lock eyes, his lips twitch with the urge to curl up into a smile.

The thing is, Gaz and Soap's ex-boyfriend have been secretly fucking for a few weeks now. In Kyle's defense, he didn't actively seek him out for the sake of having sex with him, fraternization is illegal mind you.

It was dark and rainy that night,as all nights are in London, and Kyle was caught up in the storm walking from his welcome home party, eyes nearly shut from the wind that blew up the street at his face. The outfit he picked out was drenched from the downpour, and the shirt stuck to his skin as well.

Then, out of the gloom that usually hung over London, the headlights of a dark green pickup came up over the hill in the road to shine in his face, and he knew it wasn't Soap or Price since they'd both be busy and it couldn't be Ghost since he lost his license a while back, before he even had the chance to guess the drivers intentions the driver slowed to a stop and rolled down the window to talk to him. Kyle's body immediately untensed when he saw a familiar face. His best friend's ex-boyfriend, You. There was nothing to worry about.

You asked, "What are you doing out in this?" The doors to the car unlocked with a click. "Come on, I'll take you home. You're gonna get sick."

So, he went. Once Kyle slammed the door shut, he wasted little time in driving off into the rainy night.

"Where do you live?" You asked.

"I was gonna go ask Soap if I could crash in one of his extra rooms. Not gonna lie, I'm pretty lost. I don't know where my hotel is, and I'm not asking Ghost to drive me unless I'm planning a visit to the E.R anytime soon. Learned that lesson the hard way."

The sound of your hearty laugh filled the car, then, when Kyle just stared, the amusement fell from your face.

"Oh, you're not kidding?"

"I wish," Kyle said, cutting him a sidelong glance before setting his sights back on the road ahead.

There was a dip of silence in which neither of them said a word after that.

In his peripheral vision, you could see Kyle fiddling with the tags on his necklace timidly as he avoided looking at you at all costs, and, suddenly, something changed.

Gaz had befriended Soap shortly before your breakup, so you haven't been in close proximity to him many times. Seeing that you and Soap have been broken up for a year, you didn't have a reason to interact with him except for when you're running errands for Price or when you're borrowing something from Soap. But, that night in your car, Kyle was acting strange. Strange in the way that girls used to act around you all the time back when they hoped for a chance with the nice guy at school. You didn't understand why Kyle was behaving in such a way now, though. The way you saw it, you were a loser who couldn't even get into college like his other classmates and had to enroll in the army.

What you didn't know, however, is that Kyle didn't think you were a loser at all. If anything, Kyle's view on you made a complete turn-around compared to when you were dating his best friend. When Kyle got stuck with you and a few hostages last year at an underground illegal trading ring Kyle watched you go head-to-head with more than 20 extremely hostile enemies in defense of the children's lives that they forever changed, Kyle knew a small part of his heart would always belong to you. After that, Gaz didn't see you again, outside of fleeting glances in the hallway and when you would silently stand in the back of meetings until recently.

"I dropped Roach off at his house, and last I saw Johnny, he was on his way out to see Ghost." You said, trying to keep cool with the insanely gorgeous man, you never gave much mind due to your Johnny-induced heartache, sitting in the passenger's seat of your car.

Kyle asked, "How about your place, then?" and the rest was history.

It wasn't even a half hour later that Kyle was laid back on his couch with a head between his thighs and a hand gripping a fistful of hair as Kyle panted for air amidst the build-up to his orgasm. Then, after Kyle woke in your bedroom and snuck out of the front door before you could notice his presence in the house, it wasn't long before you crossed paths again...and again and again. Kyle would wait around the back of the gym building where he knew Soap wouldn't see for y'all to sneak off to have a moment to youtselves, this began to develop a routine of having sex before Kyle had to sneak out of your room in time to wake up early for drills.

Now, as Kyle's sitting in Soap's basement and helping his nieces and nephews with the valentine projects they waited until the very last second to start, he's still fantasizing about all the things he wants to do with you. Not just sexually, either. He's been trying to work up the nerve to ask you on a date for the past few days, but every time he tries, his nerves get in the way. That voice in the back of his mind sings its doubts, telling him that you'll never want him in the same way that he wants you. No one has ever wanted more than his body, so why should it start with you?

When you get up from the couch to pay for the pizza they ordered to the house, Johnny casts a look over his shoulder at you to ensure you're too far to hear and scoots closer to Kyle while the kids are engrossed in their own conversations.

He whispers, "Can I tell you something? It's about Pretty boy over there"

Anxiety tightens the muscles of Kyle's chest as he tries to keep his face schooled into a mask of neutrality. Although he feels like the truth is written across his face every time he comes into the presence of his best friend, he is outwardly as calm as can be. He's suddenly became thankful for the torture training he went through.

What else can he do except nod?

[canirove]

Rice, Rice, baby | Chapter 27

Previous chapter | Next chapter

Masterlist

“So, are you ready to make coffee for your favourite player one last time before the little man arrives?” 

“Declan, just because I'm going on maternity leave doesn't mean I'm not allowed to make you or anyone else a coffee, you know?” I laugh. 

“I was talking about Jack, Liv” he smirks over facetime.

“You… urgh” I reply, rolling my eyes.

“But good to know I am your favourite player” he winks. 

“Maybe not anymore” I say, trying really hard to stop my cheeks from turning bright red. How can his wink affect me even through a screen? Like… how? 

“Liar” he laughs. “Anyway, there was something I wanted to ask you before me and the boys arrive tomorrow.”

“Ok.”

“Now that my family and everyone at Arsenal knows about us… About having a baby together and all that…” he says, biting his lip. He had never done that before, and it is… dear God. It is the hottest thing ever. “Would you mind if I also told the people here?”

“What?” 

“I just… It's going to be very tough to see you and not be able to act normal around you. To have to fake in front of everyone and hear them talk about you and Alex, or about him being the father of my son.”

“Alex is sick, you won't have to see him.”

“How convenient, uh?” he chuckles.

“That's what I said, yes. He's a coward, he doesn't want to have to face you.”

“Good. Because if we crossed paths and he said something to me, I don't know if I would be able to contain myself and not break his nose.”

“Leave the punching to me, please.”

“Ok” Declan smiles. “But Liv… I think it would help us both be more relaxed, you know? And it would be a way to avoid the boys who already know about it saying something they shouldn't or someone hearing them and starting a rumour.”

“I guess it makes sense… But the idea of Jack Grealish knowing about it isn't the most comforting one. He doesn't seem to be the most trustworthy person, you know?”

“Jack is a good guy, Liv. But if you don't trust him, we won't tell him anything.”

“Thank you. I don't trust any of his club teammates, to be honest.”

“Liv!” Declan laughs.

“What? Don't you read the news?”

“Ok, fine. We won't tell anything to the City boys.”

“Good. I don't like Henderson either.”

“Olivia!” he laughs again.

“It's not my fault that your teammates suck, Declan” I shrug.

“I think it would be easier if you sent me a list with who is banned and who isn't.”

“Good idea. When were you planning on telling them?”

“Liv, I was joking” he chuckles. “But you aren't.”

“I'm not, no. I'm about to have a baby for the first time, and that's scary enough already. I don't want to have to worry about people I don't like telling their wives, lovers or whatever it is they have going on, and it ending in the press. We have enough with your ex’s crazy fans.”

“Yeah, that's true” he sighs.

“I’ll send you that list later today, ok?”

“Ok.”

“Thank you, Declan.”

“No. Thank you, Liv, for allowing me to do this. I know it isn't easy for you.”

“Yeah, well… But they are your friends even if some of them are a bit questionable” I shrug. “No one is perfect.”

“I'm really close to it, tho” he smirks.

“So humble, Declan Rice.”

“The most humble one.”

“Olivia, lunch is ready!” my mum calls from downstairs.

“I have to go. I'll send you that list as soon as I can, ok?”

“Ok” he nods. “But we still are talking tonight, aren't we?”

“Of course. I wouldn't miss our night chats for anything in the world.”

“Neither would I” he smiles. And even though I like all his smiles, this one is my favourite one. Because it is a real and honest one, one that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It probably is the one that made me fall in love with him. “See you tonight, Liv.”

“See you tonight, Declan.” 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Liv!” 

“Hello, Harry” I smile as he walks into the cafeteria.

“Oh my God” he says. “Look at you! You look beautiful!”

“Oh, stop it” I say before hugging him. “How are Kate and the kids?”

“They all are good, feeling more and more at home in Munich.”

“So glad to hear that. Tell them I miss them and that I'm looking forward to seeing them soon.”

“I wil” he smiles. “But let's talk about you! How are you feeling? And the little one?”

“We both are doing great. I get a bit more tired every day, but that's normal towards the end.”

“It is, yes. May I?” he says, nodding towards my bump.

“Of course” I smile.

“It is amazing, isn't it? You still haven't met him, and you already love him and would do anything for him.”

“Yeah” I say, trying to not get emotional.

“Declan told me you still don't have a name.”

“Nope. And if you are thinking about suggesting yours… Too late. He already did.”

“He told me you are being quite peculiar about it” he chuckles.

“Peculiar or stubborn?” I ask, arching an eyebrow.

“Well…”

“It's ok, don't worry” I laugh.

“Can I confess something?” Harry says. 

“Sure.”

“I'm glad Declan is his dad and not Alex. I've known Dec for a long time and he is one of the good ones. One of the best. He may have made some mistakes in the past, some very big ones…” Oh, he knows. Of course Harry knows about everything that has happened between us. Declan looks up to him, he is one of his role models. And he has known us both for years, basically seen us go from teenagers to adults. So if Declan was in need of advice or needed to vent, he was the perfect person to go to. “But you won't find anyone with a heart like his, Liv. He will do anything for you and the baby, to make sure you both are safe and happy. Alex, on the other hand…”

“I thought you liked him.”

“He doesn't like me, and I don't like him either. But unlike him, I'm a gentleman.”

“Touché” I chuckle. “And the others are coming” I say, looking at the door.

“I believe not everyone knows, right?”

“Yeah… I just…”

“Don't need to explain yourself, Liv. I'm their captain, I know what we are dealing with” he laughs.

“I… umm… Thank you, Harry.”

“You're welcome, Liv” he smiles, kissing my hand before some other players join us. While they all congratulate me and start talking about how the baby will be a future Tottenham star knowing how much my dad loves football and the club, I look for Declan around the cafeteria.

When I find him, he is with Bukayo and Mason, two of the people who know about us. While they talk, he is just looking at me, smiling. And it is that smile again, the one he gave me over facetime the day before and that makes me feel all the butterflies. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Olivia, is that a piece of cake?”

“Shit!” I say, the fork slipping from my hands. “What are you doing here, Declan? Isn't the bus leaving already?”

“In five minutes” he says, picking the fork from the floor. “They needed to check something and I told them I had to go to the bathroom.”

“You are in the wrong place, then.”

“Liv, I lied. I wanted to see you before I left. Maybe get a good luck kiss?” he smirks.

“A what?” 

“Oh my God, your face just turned the same colour of my Arsenal shirt” he laughs. 

“Not funny!” I say, kicking his leg.

“Hey, I need that for later today!”

“Sorry” I shrug, eating another bite of my cake. Our chocolate cake. The national team had thrown me a little goodbye party the day before and Declan had told them to get it for me as a present because it was my favourite. Though it turned out to also be their favourite, and I had had to ask Olga to hide some slices in the kitchen just for me.

“Anyway, can I get a good luck kiss or not? On the cheek, of course.”

“Of course” I say, my face still burning. “Do I have to get up? You are too tall, Declan.”

“Ok, I'll bend down” he says, kneeling in front of me. “Better?”

“Much better, thank you. Which cheek do you prefer?”

“I don't mind. But before you do it” he says, one of his hands suddenly cupping my face while the thumb of the other moves over the corner of my mouth, making me gasp. “You have chocolate here, Liv.”

“Oh” I say. Oh. That's all I'm able to say. Because he is too close. And you all know what happens when he is that close. His eyes, his perfume, my brain and body shutting down…

“Liv…” he whispers, his thumb now over my lower lip, moving even closer. He is going to kiss me. He is. I can see his eyes moving from mine to my mouth and back up, hesitating, kind of like asking for permission.

“Declan” I whisper back, closing my eyes and hoping it will tell him that I want it. His kiss. Him. I want him. 

And when I feel his lips brushing against mine…

“Deccers!” someone calls from outside the cafeteria, making us both jump and quickly get up. Though in my case maybe not so quickly. “Deccers, where are you?”

“I… I have to go. That's Jack and…”

“Yes, of course.”

“I… umm…”

“Good luck, Declan” I say, giving him the kiss on the cheek we had agreed on once I've finally managed to stand up. 

“Thank you, Liv” he replies, still not moving.

“Deccers!” Jack says, opening the cafeteria's door. “C'mon, we are waiting for you, bro!”

“Yes, sorry, I just… I…”

“He had forgotten his ipad here earlier and came to get it back” I quickly say. 

“I don't care. Can we leave now?” Jack says.

“Jerk” I say under my breath.

“Yes, of course. I… Umm… Take care, Liv.”

“You too you, Declan. And good luck.”

“Thank you” he smiles, hitting a chair as he leaves.

“Bro, careful!”

“Sorry” Declan says, looking at me one last time before he and Jack disappear through the door, leaving me alone with my cake… and another almost kiss.

[tomurasghoul]

SHIGADABI MARRIAGE

includes: post-canon, fluff, a sprinkle of todoroki family angst, kurogiri and shigaraki having a father-son relationship, magne is alive, everyone is alive and happy yippee!!

-

It's been a few years since the war, and the League of Villains had inevitably split up, though they're still friends.

It may come as a surprise, but Shigaraki and Dabi have really found eachother. They've stuck together ever since the war ended. Though their relationship has been complicated in the past, they're a couple now.

'How does Touya Shigaraki sound to you?' Dabi asks.

They were sitting on the couch, both minding their own business, when the question ripped Shigaraki out of his thoughts.

'What?' He answeres dryly.

'How does Touya Shigaraki sound to you?' Dabi repeats himself.

Shigaraki was not sure what to make of this. Is this a joke he doesn't get? Is he really being proposed to right now?

'Are you proposing to me?'

'I suppose I am.'

Shigaraki had to take in what just happened. He just sat there, looking out into the distance with wide eyes while Dabi was waiting for his answer.

Before he started dating Dabi, Shigaraki had never really thought about relationships. He was always too busy being All For One's protégé to pay any mind to it; but now he was being proposed to.

Meanwhile, Dabi was getting impatient. He considered the two of them as good as married already, so why was Shigaraki so shocked? Did he not want to marry him?

He got the sudden urge to explain himself as to not look ridiculous.

'You know, I just thought... since we already live together and have been dating for a while- you don't have to of course, but, like...'

He felt even more ridiculous than before.

Shigaraki scooted closer and put his head on Dabi's shoulder.

'I would love to marry you.'

Throughout the next few days, they immediately started planning their 'wedding.' An official wedding would be out of the question for ex-villains like them, but Mr. Compress said he'd prepare a speech and act as the officiant, and Toga and Magne already claimed their spots as groomswomen.

When Shigaraki told Kurogiri about their upcoming wedding, he couldn't help but shed a tear. He was so proud to see the person he thought of as his son get married.

Dabi, however, has not been having such a great time the past few days. Of course he was happy that Shigaraki had agreed to marry him, but he couldn't help but wonder wether or not to invite his mom, Natsuo and Fuyumi to the wedding.

The entire reason as to why he wanted to take Shigaraki's last name, was because that would be the closest thing to completely cutting ties with his family he can get, but he knows that deep down, Endeavor and Shoto are the ones he really hates.

Dabi doesn't know much about healthy relationships, but he does know that he never wants to treat Shigaraki the way Endeavor treated his mom. So, he decided it was best to ask Shigaraki for his opinion on the matter, since that seemed like the most healthy and responsible thing to do.

"Tomura..." Dabi knocked on their shared bedroom's door.

"What do you wa- I mean... Yes, Touya?" Shigaraki was still trying to break the habit of snarling at people.

He was laying on the bed, not doing anything.

"Do you think I should invite some of my family to the wedding?" Dabi laid down next to him.

"Well, they're your family, but in my opinion, you should only invite people you're sure you actually want at the wedding." He hesitated for a moment. "But you probably shouldn't be asking the guy who killed his family for advice on this stuff."

They we're both quiet for a few minutes until Dabi finally spoke up.

"You know what? I won't invite them. It would only cause tension and our wedding is supposed to be a happy day. Plus, you're the only family I need."

Family. He sees him as family.

Shigaraki couldn't say anything. Instead, he just laid his head on Dabi's chest and hugged him tight.

Shigaraki is not the best with words, but with small actions like these, he still showed that he loves Dabi just as much as he loves him.

Their wedding didn't take much planning, since it would be a small event at their apartment with just the former League members attending. So, a few days later, everything was set.

Mr. Compress had finished his speech and Magne and Toga had picked out the perfect suits for the husbands-to-be and matching dresses for themselves.

As Shigaraki was getting ready, he noticed himself getting oddly nervous. It wasn't even an official wedding, but everybody was dressed nicely and was taking the whole thing very seriously.

The moment he looked in the mirror and saw himself in the navy blue suit that was picked out for him, everything felt even more real.

He sat down on the bed and tried to calm himself down without scratching his neck.

What he didn't know, was that whatever was happening outside the door, was what he really should be worried about.

Dabi was nowhere to be found.

The wedding was supposed to start in half an hour, and Dabi was gone.

"Quick! Somebody go stall Tomura!" Toga said while they all frantically tried to call Dabi.

Mr. Compress carefully opened the door to the bedroom.

"Oh, dear! You almost made me faint!" He said while dramatically pretending to faint. "You look magnificent!

Tomura ignored his antics and looked at the clock.

"What's the hold up, Atsuhiro?"

Mr. Compress still desperately tried to distract Shigaraki while Dabi was still nowhere to be seen.

In the meantime, Dabi had realized that he forgot to pick up the wedding gift he got for Shigaraki, so he quickly went out to go get it.

He just didn't think about the fact that the others might get worried.

When he came back, Toga punched him in the stomach for making everyone worry and for almost being late to his own wedding.

The only thing they had to do now, was wait for Shigaraki to come out.

Everybody got to their places and Mr. Compress was ready to give his speech.

Kurogiri went into the bedroom room to tell Shigaraki it's time to start, when he saw him struggling to tie his tie.

He looked kind of embarassed when Kurogiri saw him struggling with such a simple task.

"It's okay, Tomura." Kurogiri said as he helped him fix his tie.

He was actually happy that his help was still needed sometimes.

When Shigaraki finally walked "down the aisle", Dabi was is awe. He was only walking from the bedroom door to the living room, but the fact that that was his soon-to-be husband made it much more special.

When Shigaraki had taken his spot across from Dabi at the makeshift altar, Mr. Compress bagan his speech.

He was talking with lots of emotion in his voice and theatrical hand gestures, but Shigaraki and Dabi barely heard a word he said. They were both just staring at eachother, checking eachother out in their matching suits.

Even though they were wearing the exact same thing, they both thought the other looked much better in it.

After 15 minutes, Mr. Compress finally said the words they were both waiting to hear.

"You may now kiss the groom."

They didn't hesitate for a second and immediately slammed their lips together in a passionate kiss, not even caring that everyone was watching.

Toga and Magne giggled and squeeled excitedly. Kurogiri cried.

The newlyweds finally let go of eachother, and Dabi felt it was time to bring out the wedding gift.

"We may not have enough money for expensive rings, but I atleast wanted to give you something."

When Shigaraki opened the box, a puppy jumped out. A Corgi.

Even though he can control his quirk now, he still put his hands up as to not touch the dog.

"How long was it in the box for?" He asked concernedly.

"Relax. He was only in there for a little bit."

Dabi noticed that Shigaraki was on the verge of tears when looking at the dog.

"Wow, you care more about the dog than me? You never cry when you see me."

"Don't worry. I wouldn't trade you for the world."

Shigaraki and Dabi may not exactly be your typical picket fence family, but they had exactly what they wanted. Eachother.

[vanillaxoshi]

Tanah's was a joy to write simply because theres some personal experience within it

Enjoy :D

––––––––––■––––––––––

In Tanah's opinion, he fully believes he isn't a petty person.

If he can avoid having negative feelings towards someone, he'll try his damn hardest

But he is the 3rd child of a sibling of 7; ex youngest, experienced older brother, and certified "mom" of the siblings. Most of all, he is a brother and BOI is he allowed to be petty to them

What got him in such a sour mood you may ask?

Wellllll lets just say he has not been having a very good day. And before you ask, yes it has everything to do with his brothers.

A scowl is formed on Tanah's face as he subtly clutches his stomach, he seems to be lost in his head.

Angin forcing him to try a new abomination (he won't even give it the dignity of calling it a "pastry") resulting in the countless trips to bathroom nation. His stomach still hurts and it has been HOURS, Yaya's deathly cookies are better than this..

...

Ok maybe not but hes spiteful right now

Api pranking him was not appriciated at all and HOW did he convince Shielda to help him is beyond him (you'd think she would be the responsible twin), no worries though because he already prepared revenge for him.

No he does not care that it was accidental and that he was not the supposedly "target" of said prank. It still happened.

Clearly this means war.

Daun and Cahaya blowing his EAR off did not help, look. He loves those two, he really does. But he did not need to hear 200+ remedies that can help sedate Angin's poison

Petir DITCHED him with these heathens that he has to call brothers

Now he was proud to be a very mature and level headed person.. but hes still a 17 year old

Air technically didn't do anything but his ignorance will be remembered that lazy panda bear, sue him for holding a grudge

..

..

'This walk has not been helping. For that, Remi you're also on my list'

Not only is his stomach killing itself, his legs are crumbling now too

'This day is just not my day'

Sitting down on the nearest bench he decides to distract himself with his surroundings before he starts planning murder. Looking around to fine other things to focus on

Like that dog covered in mud, boy he does not want to be its owner right now

Or that cowboy cat that's threatening a woman, now usually he'd help but hes compromised so best of luck lady you're on your own

The sun is really warm this evening, casting golden rays to the surrounding foliage, Mix with the wind thats blowing leafs around; it creates a beautiful artistry that he wished he could paint if he was an artist

'Maybe i should take up painting.. i could practice painting on my sculptures'

"Ta.. nah?"

That soft voice broke him out of his observation, looking to his side to find the little sunlight of the family.

As much as hes still annoyed by the younger's previous endeavors, he doesn't really have the heart to dismiss the little guy

'Trying to help shouldn't be rewarded by punishment'

Putting on a soft smile he looked to the little sunlight

"Hey bud, didn't see you there." he looks to the container Haya is holding, "what's this?"

Since Cahaya is holding the drink (at least he assumes it's a drink) he couldn't really write, his brow furrowed in concentration, Tanah could see the spark of hesitation and the troublesome look adorned on the youngest's face

Filled with renewed patience and understanding he went to grab the drink so Cahaya could write

"... its ca- chamo..mile green tea"

Surprise but also pride exploded inside Tanah, bitter feeling forgotten he pat the little sunlight's head as encouragement

"Good job buddy!" He praized, chuckling when he saw the ruby red shade that spread in Haya's face. "Why'd you get it though?"

Distress colors Cahaya's face this time, it seemed he'd reach his quota of words for today since he just shoves the drink unto Tanah's chest

Giggling even more at the youngest's display, fondness rose inside of him as he went to take the hot beverage out of the little sunlight's hands

"..for Tanah."

His hand stopped mere inches from the drink, shock adorning his face

'Did he just..'

It feels like an earthquake is happening through his whole body by how much hes shaking from pure joy

Though seeing Haya cowering and covering his face with the drink snaps him out of his cuteness aggression overload

'Dear God, i'm weak'

His face hurts from how much hes grinning, practically splitting it half

Showering the sunlight with so much praise and affirmation, screw whoever is looking at them weird; they probably have a sad loveless life

'He said my name, he said my name!' The only repeating thought he could comprehend right now

Looking around simply out of instinct to see if any of the other siblings heard, only for confusion and worry to consume him soon after

"Sunlight, thank you for the tea.. but why are you here alone?" Hugging the younger close, he looks around even more. "You're not alone are you? We've talked about this, why didn't you ask someon–"

Feeling the tapping on his side he looks to Cahaya who's raising his hand

He calmly points to a shop, a tea shop more specifically; the Jasmine Dragon

Narrowing his eyes he could barely make out the figure that seems to be in the shape of his 5th brother

'Oh right, him and Daun were talking about remedies for my stomach'

His whole body shook with how much love hes feeling. The unfortunate victim here is Cahaya, who is forced to accept the killer hug that he gives him

As he made his way to the shop with Cahaya leading the way, beverage in hand, he went to grab phone; a mission on his eyes for the perfect revenge presented itself on a golden platter

He might be the current "golden" child. But he's 17 year old with a grudge, and man is he petty

"Why does your face look evil, who's dying?" Daun questioned when they reached him. Sending the message, he beamed at Daun with practiced ease, "It's nothing don't worry about it, what have you two been up to anyway?"

Thoroughly distracted, the duo starts to go back and forth describing their day and how they tried to find the perfect tea to deal with his poison for him

Tea in hand and ironically stomachache completely forgotten, Tanah enjoyed listening with a fond smile on his face

.

.

.

✨️Old People Council✨️

"I win btw"

"WHAT"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

"Congrats."

"Audio proof??"

"nice"

"I feel like i have a disadvantage this isn't fair >:("

"You all better pay up, you included Petir"

"Fuck."

This is such another sweet one

im guessing Angin is trying out new recipes but they turned out bad? poor Tanah, having to be the one to put up with everything, meanwhile, Petir's in college, just left him.

also old people council, is that their group chat and their group chat name?? ha-

loving tanah being mischievous, and petty, love those sides of him

the jasmine dragon reminds me of that tea shop from Iroh in ATLA is that what that is???

I could def imagine Cahaya's scrunched up face trying to answer, its adorable. and tanah, i relate to you with that cuteness agression.

[liaareneee]

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ─── Happy Endings

pairing: highschool! hanma shuji x gn! baji! reader

t/w: swearing

synopsis: you happen to have dated hanma shuji and he decides to plan a little visit while during lunch.

happy endings, the thing almost everyone doesn't get or gets. in your case, you never ended up getting your happy ending. you walked through campus, thinking about how your happy ending was cut short. you sat at a vacant table, pulling out your materials. when you happened to see your ex, hanma shuji, messing around with his friends. you avoided eye contact to not be seen.

to be away of distraction, you moved to another secluded area with a table and started to do your work. you took your earbuds out of you ear and sighed. you grabbed your eraser out of irritation, taking away the pencil marks you just had created. "hey Y/N. long time no see, eh? why haven't you been answering my calls?"

THAT VOICE

you looked up to see your ex, hanma shuji, standing right in front of you. you avoided eye contact, not answering any of his questions. "come on, love. are you still mad at me for breaking your heart? your brother wasn't too thrilled with it either." hanma laughed. of course, he had to mention your brother.

your brother happened to be baji keisuke, the former 1st division captain of Toman. and the one who passed gracefully during October 31st, Bloody Halloween. ever since you moved onto high school, Toman had disappeared into thin dust.

you looked up to stare at hanma. he smirked and you decided to grab his face, digging your sharp nails into his cheeks. "don't talk bout my brother, like you know him. his name and my name shouldn't be said, even if it's from your disgusting mouth of yours. got it?" you growled, pushing his face away.

"sheesh Y/N. take a chill pill. i ain't here to start any shit. i just wanted to come by because i saw you walking. i wanted to see how you were doing." you scoffed. "how am i doing? the thing you should be worrying about is yourself and your new girlfriend. don't think i wouldn't hear about it, you asshole." you laughed.

"i have eyes and ears all around this place. remember, this school is filled with people who like to gossip. and tell me about it, even if it involves you. or even Toman itself." hanma looked at you, with widened eyes. "Toman? i thought they disappeared into thin air. i thought they weren't all on speaking terms with each other. after Bloody Halloween."

"well, some aren't and some are. the ones who happen to be very close are the founding members. which includes mikey. the one founding member you despised the most. wonder what he's doing right now. he would probably love to fight because some asshole is bothering me."

you smirked while hanma scoffed. "as if Y/N. like you would call him up right now to just kick my ass." you grabbed your phone, going to your contacts. you pressed on mikey's contact, showing hanma. "all in one press, he'll be here in 2 minutes. or even less if i scream into the phone."

hanma grabbed your phone, placing it into his pocket. he sat down at the table and you huffed. you crossed your arms, not looking into his eyes. "Y/N, come on. stop being a huge baby. also, i broke up with the girl because she wasn't like you and she was really annoying. i came to apologize instead."

you snickered. "of course you broke up with her. what kind of apology is this time? hm? the one where you ask me to take you back? the one where you ask to take me back and promise you won't do anything like this again? which one, love?" hanma sighed. "it's neither. i just want to apologize for ruining your happy ending. i know how happy endings suffice your life. i'm sorry Y/N."

"wow, that's different. hm, i'll think about accepting that. thanks though for a good apology. instead of the shitty ones you have been giving me. i guess no one is getting their happy ending."

"i guess both of us get nothing. well, i guess i'll see you around Y/N." hanma said as he walked away. "yeah, see you around shuji." you whispered as he walked away from you.

[lyerra]

ROOM OF SWORDS SPOILERS

just me ranting about webtoon's comment section because I want to exteriorize some stuff

The whole Roseberry situation is so so weird to me. Tbh when I started room of swords I didn't care much about the ships, I was there for the plot, but when strawbarrow was revealed to have been canon all along I was so happy for them

However a lot of people were displeased because they thought Gyrus would end up with Tori.

I think one of the comment sections that struck me the most was right as the episode ended with Tori kissing "Gyrus" (who was actually Kodya in Gyrus' body pretending to be him) and someone commented "imagine possessing your boyfriend's body only for some girl to kiss him" which was a pretty funny comment

some people responded however that if anything Kodya was Gyrus' ex because he had been in a relationship with BB!Gyrus but New Gyrus didn't know him the same way. Which WOULD have been a good argument to make if Gyrus hadn't been making puppy eyes at Kodya since S1...

tbh it's fine not to see it, I didn't see it either at first, but to say that Gyrus was CLEARLY attracted to Tori???????? when he never showed any sign of liking her as more than a friend?

I've read RoS many, many times both before and after it ended (been reading it from 2019 oh god it's been so long???) and all through S1 there are these small, small hints that Gyrus has a small crush on Kodya EVEN THOUGH he doesn't remember him. They were always meant to be together.

Tori does develop some feelings towards him, granted (we do learn that it's because he looks like her beloved but that's later, people couldn't have known back then), but that doesn't make Gyrus entitled to return them.

People shipping Roseberry shouldn't make the authors entitled to change THE ENTIRE PLOT simply because some people aren't happy with their story choices.

At that point there's been many hints that New Gyrus and Kodya are still attracted to one another and I'm just sad and confused that those people were in so much denial.

On the brighter side, the next episode really starts with Tori telling "Gyrus" that she knows he loves Kodya because she's seen him LITERALLY PINING SINCE DAY ONE. AND THAT SHES A LESBIAN.

case closed, right? Kodya and Gyrus are canon and still very much in love, and Tori herself is in love with another, yet unnamed woman.

well lo and behold: s2 finale's comment section!

we finally see Kodya and Gyrus sharing their first kiss onscreen, so someone in the comment section said something like "THEY FINALLY KISSED AAAAA OUR SHIP IS SAILING" which was also my reaction and a legit reaction to it??

and since there was A LOT of dislikes (over 1,6k I believe) the op edited to say something about homophobes and the backlash was even greater

and in the answers there was actually quite a lot of people being salty because their own ship didn't sail and

I mean idk

maybe I can't understand because my ship sailed and not theirs but what the hell

first of all homophobes exist. the authors commented that they had lost about 20% of their audience when they revealed that Gyrus and Kodya were canon, and they received a lot of hate online for it.

second of all as I said it's not about ships it's about the plot. strawbarrow was always endgame and the whole story, including the romance between Kodya and Gyrus and the important role it played on the story, been planned since over a year before RoS was published. this is not your story, if you're not happy about it go read or write some fix it fanfics (it's not so bad once you get used to it). but in terms of writing strawbarrow was so well executed, I feel like being mad just because of a ship is really disrespecting the authors' intentions.

third of all, it had been made painfully clear since A LONG TIME AGO that they wouldn't end up together. clinging onto that hope was really unnecessary. they shouldn't be mad anymore, it had been over for a while now and they should have made their peace. people complaining by the time of s2 finale were really just delusional.

fourth of all, the dislikes may not all be from homophobes but if they aren't then they're from jerks. it's not because you're unhappy that things didn't go your way that you have to hate on other people because they got what they wanted and not you. that's just being mean smh,, let people enjoy the things they like in peace

[crashdevlin]

Permission Granted 3- Too Much

Author’s Note: This is the third chapter of Permission Granted, the first part of To Have it All. This is Open...from Jensen's side!

Summary: Jensen tries to do the right thing, but sometimes the right thing is too difficult.

Pairing: none yet, eventual Jensen x Reader

Word count: 6757

Story Warnings: Y/n's poor self esteem, Jensen's sexual imagination, mentions of an open marriage, mentions of depression, mentions of cheating, mentions of drinking to deal with depression

~~~~

I don't think I've ever put in the effort to befriend someone the way I put it in for Y/n. And I mean 'befriend'. That was the whole plan. Friends was the only thing I was going for, but the more time I spent with her, and I made sure to spend as much time with her as possible over the next few weeks...the more time I spent with her, the more often I was fantasizing about her. It was a bit embarrassing, actually. We'd be sitting at craft, having a nice lunch. I'd say something to make her laugh and then I would spend five minutes in my head thinking about her smile. Jared would make her turn shy by teasing her about Tara's on-camera flirting, she'd hide her face and I'd start thinking about how that innocent energy would translate into the bedroom.

And speaking of Tara, when she flirted with Dean, it was like Y/n was flirting with me. Every time, it fueled my fantasies. Hearing her call Dean "Pretty Boy" and "Handsome" and fuckin' "Cowboy" was so good because I knew that I was never going to hear Y/n say those things to me. 'Cowboy' was a personal favorite, and I made sure to let the writers know they should make that Tara's go-to nickname for Dean.

Y/n didn't flirt with me. Y/n still turned into a stuttering mess just talking to me sometimes. I would sit there, watching her freak out about the Pam-level flirting Tara had to lay down, wondering what it would be like for her to actually flirt with me. It would be something completely different than what Dabb and the boys in the writers' room put down. It would be sweet and wonderful. It would be uniquely Y/n.

I started flirting to try to get her to flirt in return and I tried, believe me I did, to keep the flirting to the same friendly manner that I flirt with Jared and Misha and Christian. But with her, it never came out that way. With her, it seemed…like too much, maybe. And maybe that's why she stopped hanging with us after a few weeks; I was too pushy. God, that was like a suckerpunch, though. First time I invited her to have a drink after work and she said 'no'? I was about two steps from demanding an explanation as to why. She didn't owe me an explanation and I knew that but it took Jared grabbing my phone out of my hand and holding it behind his back for me to register that.

"Ackles, she's allowed to say 'no'. She can do other shit," Jared reminded.

"I fuckin' know that, man, but she-" I reached around to try to grab my phone but he twisted away from me. "Gimme my phone!"

"Only when you promise not to call her or text her demanding a reason for her politely declining your invitation."

"Fine!" He raised his eyebrows and I let out a huff of a sigh. "I promise I won't demand anything out of her, okay? I'll just tell her that I'm sad she won't be there but I understand she can't always come out with us. Okay? Now gimme my phone."

"You can't get that upset just because she's got other plans," Jared said, handing my phone back.

"Well, she doesn't know anybody else in Vancouver so how could she have other plans?" I asked, my neck heating up at the thought of her meeting some Canadian dude and making plans with him instead of me.

"She's nice enough. Cute enough. Maybe she met a guy who-"

"I'm trying not to think about that possibility!" I hissed as I typed out a text expressing my disappointment at being declined.

"Hey, she's our friend now, isn't she? New friend but still. Shouldn't you want her to find some happiness? Way she talks, and doesn't talk, about her ex-husband...she probably needs something good."

He was right. Of course he was, but even though I couldn't give her anything, because holy shit that would be so bad, I still didn't want to think about her finding something good with someone else.

"She hasn't met anybody. She told us when the barista remembered her name a few days ago. She would have said if she'd met somebody who asked her out."

Just for good measure, I added "Hope your plans are more fun than ours" to the end of the text before I sent it out.

"Wow, is that denial or wishful thinking?" I rolled my eyes and started to walk away toward the wardrobe trailer to drop off the dirty Dean clothes. "Seriously, why don't you talk to Dee? I'm sure you could get her approval on-"

"Jared, stop." I turned to him and shrugged. "We talked about this. She's not gonna be around long enough to be worth the risk in even asking to start something with her. She's a fan. She's a friend. I can't see-"

"What if Dabb keeps her around? And what if Creation brings her in on the conventions? She'd be around a lot then, right? Would she be worth asking, then?"

I sighed and licked my lips. "Yeah...maybe...I don’t know. She's...she's…"

"Driving you crazy and we can all see it," he said, laughing.

"Shut up." I rolled my eyes and started walking to Wardrobe again. "Why are you pushin' so hard for this?"

"Because you haven't been getting any and you're a bit of a grump...and you're moving from 'grump' to 'asshole' and no one wants that. I love you, brother, but you get a bit hard to deal with when you're not-"

"Okay, okay, I'm not that bad," I argued.

"You practically growled at Misha yesterday when he asked you to get him a coffee," he argued back. "You nearly threw hands with Dabb over a line of dialogue in the newest script."

"Dabb's an asshole and Dean would give the damn kid a chance, okay? Only time he wouldn't was when he had the Mark of Cain. And Misha has legs, he can get his own coffee and fuck, you're right, I'm being an ass but who says it's because I'm sexually frustrated?"

"Me. And Danneel...because if it's not that, then you need to get your hormones checked because you're going through male menopause, old man."

I turned to him again, glaring up into his face. "I'm not old and I'm not going through menopause. I've just...shut up." I had nothing to say. He was right. Jared knows me better than almost anybody.

"Well, maybe you should buy a Fleshlight...or get better at masturbating."

I rolled my eyes as he laughed. "Seriously, shut up."

~~~~

Y/n kept avoiding me. For a little over a week, every time I tried to get her to hang out or have a drink, she declined. I bit my tongue to keep myself from throwing a fit over it but it made me feel like I’d done something wrong.

“Did I do something? Has she said anything to you?” I asked Jared as she sent me another kiss-off text.

“No. She seems okay with me, though. We had lunch earlier while you were-”

“Are you kidding me?!” I exclaimed, trying to keep my anger to a minimum. “What did I do? Why is she avoiding me?”

“Maybe she’s uncomfortable with how you flirt with her,” Jared suggested.

“I flirt with all my friends!” I scoffed. “I mean, I flirt with you. I flirt with Misha. I flirt with Chris and Kim and Bri and…” I licked my lips and looked away. “I flirt with everyone. It’s just lighthearted fun.”

“But it might be different for her. She’s shy, Jay, and you are an attractive man that she still gets nervous just talking to. You can’t flirt with her like that.”

“Yeah.” I hated that he was so right about every aspect of the situation with Y/n. “Yeah. You’re right. I will...stop flirting with her. Keep it professional.”

“Don’t keep it professional; just keep it friendly.”

“Yeah. Okay. Um...I’ll fix this. I’ll fix it. Can you…” I cleared my throat and smiled at him. “Can you invite her to hang out on Thursday? We’ll have a few drinks, live tweet the premiere, and I will not flirt. Just a couple friends and a couple drinks.”

His eyebrows went up. “‘Just a couple friends and a couple drinks’, huh?”

“Don’t get that look. I’m gonna be a friend. Nothing else.”

“Sure. Your trailer?”

“Yeah. My trailer. I’ve got the better recliners.”

He nodded and pulled out his phone, walking away as he tapped out a text to her. I wasn’t jealous about the way she immediately responded to his text with a smile emoji and acceptance of the invitation. Not at all.

I made sure to stock the trailer with several kinds of liquor and beers and bottles of water. I ordered pizzas and snacks. Jared was in my trailer for half an hour, chuckling about me trying to clean up despite the fact that I had already cleaned the place. Y/n showed up fifteen minutes before the East Coast showing, wearing a cute pink blouse and a pair of tight jeans that hugged her hips just right. I had to stop myself from making a comment about the way she looked, directing her to my favorite recliner and handing her a Cosmic Cowboy.

“You tweeting the West coast premiere or just East coast?” she asked, getting comfortable.

“Both,” Jared announced, flopping into the second recliner. “We’re usually working on premiere nights but they gave us tonight and half of tomorrow off. We are partying!”

“We’ll probably be shooting ‘til four in the morning tomorrow to make up for it but tonight we are going to enjoy ourselves.” I sat on the right arm of Y/n’s seat and looked down at her. I was trying to keep my distance a bit, but I still wanted to be near her. “So where’ve you been? You’ve been a bit of a ghost the last week or so. Are you okay?”

She pursed her lips a bit and nodded. “Yeah. Just homesick.”

I understood that. Homesick was where I lived. I reached out to pat her shoulder. “Yeah, I get it. You never get used to it but it does eventually get a little easier. Facetime is your best friend.” I pulled out my phone to show her my Facetime app, but thought better of it. She was right there next to me...we needed to have a picture. “Picture time.”

She immediately ducked out of the way, escaping the selfie. “No, wait, what?!”

I chuckled at her reaction. “Oh, come on. Your television debut is about to air. We need documentation.”

She leaned back into the shot and Jared leaned our way. I took a pic and smiled as I tapped out a tweet, attaching the picture and tagging Y/n in it.

“You didn’t say you were documenting on Twitter!” she shrieked when her phone went off to let her know I’d tagged her.

I put on a grumpy face, but I was smiling inside at her reaction. I leaned down closer to her, careful not to take on a flirty tone. “We’re live tweeting,” I reminded her.

“Yeah, the premiere, not the party!”

“You are just determined to not enjoy this fame thing, huh?”

She looked all shy again and shook her head. “I just...I know how this could go, ya know?” I knew exactly where she was going with this. “I am not looking forward to seeing a bunch of hate on my Twitter feed or...ya know, the ‘who the hell is this chick’ stuff. I was just…”

I nudged her shoulder with my elbow. No real contact. “Hey, lil’ Miss Fortitude...we’re here to support you. Some fans are gonna hate it no matter what we do.”

“Can’t please everyone. It’s an important lesson. Don’t hold back just because you’re afraid someone’s gonna hate it,” Jared offered.

She needed to see herself for who she really was. She really did think that people were going to hate her. I didn’t understand why she thought so poorly of herself. Honestly, I thought she was one of the most amazing women I ever met. So, as I watched the episode, tapping out tweets about what was happening on screen, I was trying to think of ways to do something about that self esteem of hers.

She didn’t seem to like the Cowboy much, so when she finished the beer, I got up and made her a Vodka Cranberry.

When a new set showed up on the screen, I looked over at her. “This you?”

She nodded and hid in her drink as her scene played. Her acting was perfect, moving seamlessly from sweet to serious, berating the teen witches about their lack of determination. I looked over at her, discreetly, as we watched and her eyes went so damn wide. I swear she wasn’t breathing the entire time she was on the screen.

“That was amazing,” she finally said when it went to commercial. “I was on TV!”

She seemed really happy and I loved that. “See? Hold onto that feeling, Baby Girl. Who gives a fuck if the fans like you? We like you,” I said, wrapping my arms around her and hugging her tight.

She loosened up a bit after that, I guess from the adrenaline of her performance, and she loosened up a lot more as the alcohol hit her. I won’t lie that I was happy to keep providing her drinks: Tequila Sunrises and Vodka Cranberries. I liked the way she was smiling and laughing and joking with us as she got drunker. I didn’t even think about the fact that she had to be sober enough to get back to her motel room...until Jared pointed out that it was 2am and we needed to get some rest before we made it back to the set at noon.

Watching Y/n pull her keys out of her purse made me step forward and wrap my hand around her wrist. “No.”

“What? I’m fine to drive,” she argued, before stumbling over her feet and grabbing the back of my recliner to stay standing.

“You are not. You are way too drunk to drive, Baby Girl, so you’re gonna get in the SUV with me and Jared. Clif can drive you back here in the morning,” I demanded. I waited for her to nod and put her keys back in her purse. The look Clif gave me when I helped her into the back seat of the SUV was like he knew exactly where my fantasies were leading me. The look Jared gave me when he got out of the SUV at his condo, leaving me and Y/n alone, said he was going to have a talk with me the next day.

I was so close to doing the right thing and telling Clif to take her to her motel...but then she laid her head on my shoulder and snuggled close to me on the back bench, muttering under her breath about how good my cologne smelled and the right thing just flew away. “Hey, Clif, just drive us to my place,” I said, quietly.

“Sure.”

“I don’t wanna hear it.”

“I didn’t say anything, Jensen.”

“Well, keep not saying anything.”

Clif opened the door for me and Y/n and told me to text him when it was time to head out in the morning. Y/n stumbled as we got into the elevator, so I wrapped my arm around her waist. As I was holding her to my side, helping her into my condo, it became completely obvious that I could not keep things professional with her. I couldn’t keep things friendly. I wanted her...so badly.

Of course I wasn’t going to do anything that night. We were drunk, very drunk, and I hadn’t even broached the subject with Danneel. That was the rule: Dee approves or nothing happens. But I wanted her...so I had to start making it happen.

“No, no, you don’t wanna sleep on the couch, Baby Girl,” I said as she sat down on the couch. “Your muscles will hate you in the morning. I got a big bed.” I offered my hand and she took it without comment, getting back to her feet and following me to my bedroom. I took her shoes off and helped her into my bed, before grabbing a pair of sweatpants and heading into the master bathroom to change. I slipped into the bed on the opposite side. She was already asleep...or passed out might be more accurate.

I slept for about three hours before the movement of her sitting up woke me. I knew she might be confused, probably a little drunk still, so I rolled over and put my hand on her shoulder, pushing her to get her to lie back. “We don’t gotta be at work ‘til noon, Baby Girl. Sleep off some more’a that tequila.”

She sighed and turned away from me, snuggling into my extra pillow. “‘Kay, but if your wife puts a hit out on me, I’m blaming you.”

I slipped my arm around her and pulled her against my chest. Just a little bit, get closer to her. “Trust me. Dee isn’t the jealous type,” I whispered.

I fell asleep holding her, my hand over her ribcage, just under her breast. I wanted more. I wanted to know what she felt like, what she sounded like. I wanted to know what she tasted like. But I would have to settle for my hands staying in neutral zones and my dick staying in my pants...for a little while.

When she woke up again, maybe prompted by my morning hardon poking her in the ass, she immediately rolled out of my bed and rushed out of the room. I stretched and grabbed clothes for the day, walking into the bathroom to get a shower. The erection went away without me having to take a hands-on approach. I brushed my teeth, put some of the Tom Ford on, and grabbed one of my watches out of the watch box. I called Clif, who said he’d be there to pick up me and my ‘girlfriend’ in ten minutes. I rolled my eyes and told him to keep that shit to himself.

I found Y/n in my kitchen, drinking a glass of water. “Clif’ll be here in about ten minutes. He’s gonna drop us by your motel so you can get showered and changed. How’s your hangover?” I asked.

“Oh, I don’t have one,” she said, dismissively. I could not believe that shit. “I drank a lot of water last night. You’ve probably got Nestle bottles strewn across your trailer. I always make sure to drink twice as much water as alcohol. It stops the headache and light sensitivity. So I just end up a little sick to my stomach, which can be remedied with Dramamine and a good sandwich.”

I was surprised by that wisdom coming out of this young woman. “Wow. You know how to drink.”

“Yeah, well…” She looked down at the floor and licked her lips. “I used to drown my depression in rum, so…”

That sentence hit me with a pang of empathetic sadness. “You’ve got depression?” I asked quietly. Jared’s got depression. Some of the best people I know have it. They don’t deserve to feel like that.

“Not Chemical Depression. It’s Situational. My old therapist was very specific about that.” She took a shaky breath before she continued. “When I get low, I get really low. It was at its worst when I was married...so I had five years of really low.”

There it was. Jared said it: she didn’t talk about her ex. I walked over and leaned against my fridge, arms crossed over my chest. “Yeah, ya know...you talk about your daughter all the time, but you barely ever mention her father. What happened there?”

She was obviously uncomfortable and unhappy to think about it, but she licked her lips and moved on with the conversation. “He was...ya know, he was my first real relationship. My only real relationship, actually. We married young. I told you that I was twenty when we got married. Well, Nate was only twenty-one. He wanted a woman who would worship him and...for a very long time, I did.” She cleared her throat, seemed like she was fighting back tears. “But he hurt me...emotionally. I was miserable for years and I couldn’t even tell for a long time. That pain became my normal.”

I didn’t even know what he’d done, but I could see the weight on her. It suddenly clicked for me, the self-esteem problems she was fighting. Whatever he’d put her through, it broke her self-worth.

“It was honestly the best thing that could have happened to me when he left me for...this friend of ours.”

“Shitty friend,” I said.

She nodded once, obviously fighting more tears. “You are not wrong.”

I didn’t want to make her feel self-conscious about letting her walls down, so I turned to get a cup of coffee and tried to make her smile. “You don’t seem like the type to worship a guy. You don’t even worship me and I’m totally worth it.”

“Oh, you’re the closest I’ll ever get again, Ackles. But back when I met him, I was different. I was…” She sighed. “I was fat and I honestly thought I was the ugliest chick in town and I hated myself and the fact that this guy was paying attention to me, saying that he loved me...I wanted so badly to keep that feeling that I ignored all the bad feelings.” I wish I’d known her back then. I wish I could have helped her see herself. “He kept me low on purpose, and as soon as I wanted to better myself. As soon as I decided that I needed to be a strong woman so that my daughter would be one, he stopped wanting me.”

“What, because he knew you were gonna realize what an ass he was as soon as you came out of the darkness?” All I could do was wonder what sort of man would do that to a woman. Any woman, really, but definitely a woman as great as Y/n.

I could see her nod from the corner of my eye. “That’s the theory.”

I turned to her and smiled as bright as I could. “Well, look at you now. Bet he’s kickin’ himself.”

“Oh, yeah. I’m on TV now. I’ve got almost ten thousand Twitter followers. My star is on the rise,” she joked...but I wasn’t joking.

I set my coffee on the counter and turned to her. “Not what I mean. The person you were when you married that jerk, she never would have sent that audition video in, would she?” She shook her head. “You never would’ve been able to befriend Jared and me. You never would have ended up part of this family. If you were still with him, you'd probably still be overweight and depressed and self-medicating with alcohol. You woulda only touched this world at the conventions."

She shook her at that. "Not even that," she disputed. She let out a little scoff. “I never did anything for myself when I was with him. He could buy Legos and trading cards and a thousand dollar special-import Playstation, but I couldn’t...I always looked at the cons, but I never went to them. Not just Supernatural cons either. Everything.” She licked her lips and ran her hand over her hair. “You know me well enough now that you know I’m a fairly well-rounded geek and I never went to a single convention until Nate left me. Not a single one. When I wasn’t worrying about taking care of him and his wants and his needs, I was able to finally do something great for me.”

Her smile went wide and bright. “That con in Atlanta was life-changing. I did things I never would have when I was married. I drove five hours, by myself, to a city I had literally never seen. I walked a mile and a half from my hotel to the con hotel and back, alone, every day.” She laughed an intoxicating laugh. “I walked to that bar in the dark and actually got up the nerve to talk to two guys that I looked up to. I talked to people at the con that I’d never met and I made friends. I got up and sang karaoke in front of two hundred people and I fucking rocked it.. It was like I was the old me again. I had the time of my life...which is what prompted me to go after the other things I wanted in my life...and that’s how I got to meet you.”

That convention made everything happen.

“Well, I’m glad you did it. You deserve to be here.” In my life, in my condo, in my bed.

My phone went off, Clif letting me know that he was waiting in the parking lot. “Clif’s here?” she asked.

“Yep. Let’s get outta here.”

~~~~

Her motel looked nasty even from the outside. I’d heard horror stories, but I hadn’t seen it myself...so when she got out of the truck, I followed her. “So, this is your temporary pad, huh?”

“Yep,” she said, grabbing clothes from the aged wood wardrobe. “Don’t snoop, Jensen.” She disappeared into the bathroom as I started looking around.

“If I snoop, what am I gonna find?” I called.

“A shrine to Misha! Leave it alone! It’s a GISHWHES item!”

I scoffed and shook my head, walking over to her wardrobe and looking through her clothes. “You’re ridiculous!”

“I think you mean ‘abnosome’!” she said as the shower turned on. Another one of Misha’s made up words that caused me to laugh. He’d be so happy.

I kept looking around her room, finding bits of fandom stuff and dead bugs and a picture of a cute little girl smiling in a frame on the bedside table, before finally coming across a familiar white cap. I chuckled as I ran my fingers over the many metal buttons with Supernatural characters and actors on them. I fitted the cap on my head and waited for her as she finished her shower. When she opened the bathroom door, I could see pillows in the tub. She wasn’t joking about the bed bugs. Nasty.

"I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm pretty sure this looks better on me," I said, turning to the mirror behind the TV.

"Of course it does," she agreed. "Everything looks good on you."

"Not sure how I feel about the buttons, though."

“If you don’t like it, don’t wear it!” she exclaimed, jumping to grab it off of my head. Not that she could reach it., especially when I ducked back away from her.

“Nah, I’m gonna hold onto it. Gotta make sure you don’t ghost again. I’ll give the hat back when I’m sure you’re not going anywhere.” I nodded at the door. “Come on, Clif’s waiting.”

She got her shoes on before we headed out to the SUV. She looked cute, in her completely plain clothes and her pink and black sneakers. She looked out the window as we drove toward the studio, biting that bottom lip. Shit, that made me wanna know what that lip tasted like.

She was stuck in her head, I could see it in the way she was chewing on that lip. I couldn’t help wondering what was going on in her head. “You okay, kid?”

“Um, yeah. Why?” It was the first time she didn’t take offense to me calling her ‘kid’. She was definitely in another world.

“You just look like you’re deep in thought is all.” My eyes found her bottom lip and I smirked a little. “You gotta stop bitin’ your lip, Baby Girl. You’re starting to bruise.”

She gasped as her hand shot to her mouth. She immediately pulled her phone out to look at herself in the selfie camera. “Shit. They’re gonna love this in the makeup trailer. Might have to actually put lipstick on Tara.”

“I kinda like it,” I admitted, licking my lips. “Makes it look like you had a lot of fun last night.” I wished she had the kind of fun I was thinking of.

“Well, considering I went home with a married man last night, Ackles, that may not be a good thing. Don’t encourage the rumor mill."

She was right about the rumor mill, but damn, I wanted to do something worth a rumor. I was good at staying out of the tabloids. I knew how to be discreet, but I wanted something with her.

"I think I'm gonna talk to Dee," I told Jared as soon as we were alone, riding toward Abbotsford to shoot the Chicago episode.

"'Bout damn time," Clif said from the front seat.

"She's only been here a month! Shut up!"

Jared laughed and slapped my chest. "Yeah, it's been a month of you pining over her."

"I have not been pining. Who says 'pining'? This isn't a medieval romance. I was trying to be her friend, okay?"

"You were trying to be her friend so you wouldn't have to admit how much you wanna bang her," Jared accused.

"That’s not why I was trying to be her friend!" I shook my head. "Dude, she is...she's got no self esteem. She has no confidence. She's amazing and she doesn't see it, so I thought if I made friends...if someone she admires was able to see her worth...maybe she'd be able to."

"Right," he agreed. "But you also wanted to bang her."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, so? That's not why I made friends with her."

"So, what's the plan? How are you gonna butter her up?" Clif asked. "And how are you gonna butter up the Missus?"

"Danneel doesn't need butter. I'm just gonna ask her to look into Y/n and tell me what she thinks." I looked out the window at cars passing in the opposite direction. "Y/n will be harder. Assuming Danneel gives me permission to pursue it, convincing Y/n that it's real and everything...convincing her to sign up to be my dirty little secret is gonna be...really difficult and I'm not even sure how to make it happen."

"Wow. You sound almost nervous, Ackles."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm trying to not be an asshole. Asking a great woman to be your sanctioned side chick is...not the easiest thing to navigate. I mean, Isabella was-"

"Not anything like Y/n."

"Yeah. I mean, Y/n thinks my marriage is perfect. She said that shit last week. She might not take this-This might destroy her opinion of me and Dee. I don’t know if I want-” I threw my head back onto the headrest. “Shit, I shouldn’t even do this”

“Yes, you should. You need to at least try, right?” Jared said, turning to me fully. “Look, I’m not gonna tease you anymore right now. Gonna be serious. Y/n is shy and sweet and she will never turn you down. Never. The very idea of you being sexually interested in her is going to be mindblowing to her. But...you have to approach it softly. You have to get her completely comfortable with you before you even bring it up to Y/n...or it’ll be too much.”

I opened my mouth to respond, but Jared kept talking. “She is so enamored with you but she gets really uncomfortable when you flirt. So you have to calm that down, approach it softly. Keep workin’ her, but do it with more tact.”

I licked my lips and pulled my phone out, opening my text chain with Dee. “More tact, huh? I’ll try.”

>>When I get done here, I’m gonna call you. Try to stay awake, please, babe.

By the time we got to location, she’d responded with an I’ll try! I went to find Y/n as soon as I got out of the truck and I found her running her hand over the hood of the quieter Impala, looking at it with all the love and admiration that beautiful car deserves. “Stop pretending you haven’t sneaked over and drooled over Baby before,” I said, walking over to her. I put my hand on her back, between her shoulder blades because that’s not so bad. It’s not too much. It’s not overwhelming.

“No, I have,” she admitted, turning and looking up at me. “I’ve just always admired the Impalas from afar. You know how the props guys are about the cars...a lot like you are.” She turned and leaned against the hood. “I get to ride in her. Like...seriously? That’s so amazing.”

“Did you ever imagine just how much sex has happened in the back of this car?” I asked.

She looked down with all of that adorable shyness before pulling herself out of it. “Don’t misquote my character to me, Ackles.”

I laughed a little. “I wasn’t talkin’ ‘bout the show. How many actors or crew members do you think have been in this car after dark just to mess around in the Impala?”

Her face went from shy to innocent in a flash. “I don’t know. How many times have you opened the door and smelled sex?” That innocent thing was an act. Had to be.

It took a few seconds to count them out in my head. “Half a dozen or so.”

“Why are you smirking? Did I miss something?” she asked, and her innocent mask almost fell apart on her.

“Ya know, sometimes I am completely baffled at how innocent you are...especially for a chick who’s got a kid at home.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked, putting her hands on her hips all indignantly.

“Well, you always act completely oblivious when I try to bring up sex in conversation. You pretend like I just asked you what color your shirt is or something...and let us not forget the fact that you woke up in my bed today, and you didn’t even make a joke about morning wood.”

“You think that’s probably by design, Ackles?” I don’t know why it seemed so much less fun when she called me by my last name. Jared had been doing it for years but out of her mouth, it hit a bit wrong. Probably because I wanted to hear her call me 'babe' or 'honey' or…'cowboy'. "You talking about sex forces me to think about you and sex. So for the sake of my own composure, I shut that shit down as fast as fucking possible."

She was too shy to think about me having sex and I was literally daydreaming about having sex with her. Crazy world. “Aw! Somebody’s embarrassed!” I teased, laughing out loud. “Man, I’m gonna get you to flirt back eventually. Tara shouldn’t be the only one who gets to make comments about my ass.”

“Oh, come on!” she shrieked, practically running away from me.

“What did I say, dude?” Jared walked over as she found herself in front of Misha in full Cas garb. “Tact, Ackles! Tact.”

“I…” I hummed and nodded. “I’m tryin’, Jare. It’s just not fuckin’ easy with her. She’s just so...she’s this mix of innocent and...she’s so shy and I just wanna crack open that shell and…”

“Chase her away?”

“I’m not trying to chase her away! I’m just…” I looked over my shoulder at her and Misha. “I don’t know. I can’t not flirt with her. I have to keep trying but...I really wanna see what it’s like when she flirts back.”

“She’ll flirt back when she’s ready. She’s not ready.”

“Right.”

He patted my back and pointed toward the alleyway we were going to be shooting in. “Focus on the job for now. Come back to it later.”

I did what he said, focused on the job and not the way Y/n was flirting so heavily as Tara, not the way she looked so cute sitting on a barrel and kicking her feet. I focused on the job...and so did she, but as soon as we cut for dinner, she was in her head. It seemed like she was doing her best to avoid looking at me, but every time I caught her actually looking at me, I could see where her eyes were...on my lap. I felt a bit of elation at that. Something finally got through.

“She’s thinking about my morning wood,” I whispered to Jared.

“What?!” she exclaimed. “No, I’m not!”

“Jay, leave the poor girl alone.” Jared’s words were soft, just a little bit of a warning on them. Maybe he could see that I was starting to break through to her, I don’t know.

“Yeah, Jay. Leave the poor girl alone,” she agreed with a big smile. That, I liked. Not a large group of folks call me ‘Jay’ and hearing her pretty voice on that single, simple syllable was awesome.

“But she’s so cute when she blushes.” She ducked her head, obviously blushing more. “See? Isn’t that adorable?”

“Oh, screw you, Ackles,” she snapped, the fire in her cheeks moving to her eyes as she glared at me. Not back to ‘Ackles’.

“That an offer? ‘Cause we got some time before we start shootin’ again and-”

“Oh, shut up, you giant child.”

“Hey, you’re the one who keeps checking to see how giant I really am.”

“Oh, my god!” she squeaked, covering her face with her hands. “Jared, please control your boy,” she begged from behind her palms.

He chuckled and smirked, taking a drink of his iced coffee. “You know you’re talking to the wrong guy if you want to control Jensen, right?” He gestured between us, but gave me a high eyebrow. “Because I’m finding this whole situation hilarious.”

She pulled her hands away and looked over at him. “Some friend you are, Padalecki.”

“Oh, he’s a great friend...to me.” I shrugged and winked at her. “I got thirteen years on you, Baby Girl. J-pad is always gonna have my back.”

She stood up and stuck her tongue out at me before stomping away. Pretty tongue. Long, pointed...I wanted to taste it.

“And she called you a child?” Jared commented.

“Nice long tongue though,” I responded, picking up my coffee cup.

“Tone it down,” Jared whispered. “You’re gonna chase her away again.”

“Still too much?”

“Yeah. Just a bit,” he answered, pointedly. Yeah, it was a bit more than a bit, but...what could I do? “She’s sensitive.”

��Yeah, some folks don’t like to be teased so much, Jay,” she said, sitting down.

There it was again. ‘Jay’. I really did like that a lot. I couldn’t hold back the smile that broke out across my face. “All right. I will tone down the teasing. I’m sorry, kid.”

“Okay. Forgiven.” She smiled back and her whole face lit up and my heart just sang over it. “And I’m still not a kid. The other thing is okay, but I’m gonna get upset if you keep calling me ‘kid’.”

“Oh, the other thing’s okay?” Jared asked. “You’re cool with ‘Baby Girl’, but not cool with ‘kid’?”

“Baby Girl makes me think of Criminal Minds. Derek Morgan always called Garcia ‘Baby Girl’. I like it...but ‘kid’ is like...like I’m less than because I’m younger than you?”

“That’s absolutely not how I mean it. Not how I’m usin’ it, I promise.” I licked my lips and leaned forward. I’d have to stay away from ‘kid’ for a while, because I didn’t want her to even think that I saw her as less than. “I just like nicknames and ‘kid’ seemed to be a good one, but I don’t see you as anything less than me.”

She looked down again, but a smile found its way onto her lips. “Okay,” she whispered. I was getting through her shell.

The Kitchen Sink Tags- @flamencodiva @sacriceria @lyarr24 @440mxs-wife @nancymcl @mariekoukie6661 @alwayskeepfightingsweetheart @cosicas-cuquis @queenoftheunderdark @myheartbelongsintz @squirrelnotsam @akshi8278 @muhahaha303 @agirlwithdemonblood @this-is-me19 @mrswhozeewhatsis @leigh70 @maliburenee

[cavefilllingcorporation]

Gossip, Guilt, and missed medication

This Employee Experience happened on 10/15/2024, and is a continuation of [THIS POST]

As Carl continued to work on the Introvert’s, his thoughts started to degrade. Its not as if the work was bad. It was just that everybody was excited for this job, excited to see this new and exciting project done, a break from the Anti-Project Plan. He wasn’t. Why? Was it because of his responsibilities as a Supervisor? Or maybe it was because he was still guilty from what happened earlier…

He could still recall the memory vividly. He was working on checking on everything, making sure it was ready to go. That was when he overheard Vismark talking with what he had assumed was a Helldiver worker.

"You understand your duties?" Vismark asked.

"Yes. Lead the operations on RD-4, make sure nothing goes wrong." The Helldiver said

"Good. Ensure that they are stable, and make sure that everybody can escape in time if the worst happens. This is a VERY important operation, and I want to make sure it goes smoothly. It could end up as one of our most valuable operations yet. Though, with your experience in the mining field both before and after you joined the company, you should be good."

That was when Carl made the worst decision of his life, deciding to poke his nose where it didn’t belong. He could have easily looked up the man with his tablet. He could have assumed the Commander knew what he was doing. But no, he had to walk over and open his big mouth.

"Umm... sorry to interrupt, but... are we sure he has the experience? He is a helldiver after all."

Vismark looked a bit offended, but before he could lecture Carl, the Helldiver, Arnold, did it for him

"I worked in mines since 3, until my parents sent me to military. I was abandoned during the Reclamation and rescued by the Cave Corp. I have mined crystals in mines on MazeRun, before mining marble on Storyworld. Is that enough experience for you?"

"No no, that's good" Carl responded. "I am so sorry, I shouldn't have judged."

 "Get it together Carl." Vismark collaborated.

"I don't want to see that behavior again."

"Sorry... old habits die hard, I guess. It's what you get when your part of the Diver family. Ugh." Carl meekly responded.

That was a lame excuse, such as the excuse that he didn’t know who the man was. He should have never said what he said, or made those assumptions, regardless of appearances. He had assumed that Arnold was a big dumb ex-diver giant and not someone who would be an expert on a mining trip. I mean, it wasn’t as if he said a slur or anything, but what he said was derogatory and rude. He knew he was going to stay up late that night to write up a citation against himself. He could get away with not doing it, the Commander may even let him if he found out, but he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t do that to himself. He didn’t deserve to be here. He doesn’t deserve to lead when his family was terrible leaders. And he deserves to have this annoying ringing in his ears!

Wait a minute… that ringing… it wasn’t just him. Carl looked up, and sure enough, his sense could tell that one of the bedrooms was producing a ringing sound, most likely an alarm that hadn’t been set off. Carl, annoyed by the interruption yet relieved for the break in his meltdown, stood up and headed down the hall of the first floor. It was the hall for pilots, as it was best to have them on the first floor so that they could be in the ships by the time the other crew came downstairs in an emergency. Yeah, Carl could have done his work in an office or his room, but there was something comforting about working in the pilots’ corridor. It helped connect him to his recent past.

Eventually, he reached the room: Room number [data expunged], which belonged to one Vixie Shark. Definitely one of the newer pilots, and if he remembered correctly, was made to help replace the role he used to have. If he remembered correctly, this was mostly due to a connection to another employee and her coming straight out of training. The ringing continued, and Carl then decided to call to her.

“This is the Outpost Master. Shut your alarm, or at least turn it down! The entire hallway can hear you!”

Seriously, this thing was on full blast. Its as if she wanted people to hear it. Yeesh. Can’t people take basic protocol?

Irritated at the lack of response, Carl then knocked on the door.

“I said…”

Before he could finish his thought though, the door swung wide open, as it was not even fully latched. That explained some of the noise, the door would have insulated most of the sound. Not to mention she was using the standard door. Old fashioned, but very common among different recruits.

He then hesitated in front of the door, unsure if he should walk inside or not. Eventually, he decided that he absolutely the right to walk in and shut off the alarm for her at the very least. After all, she probably was out in RD-4, and forgotten the alarm. He would just turn it off for her and let her off with a warning.

However, when he entered the room, he was surprised by how… messy it was? No, that’s not the word. The items were scattered haphazardly, as if someone decided to just dump their stuff in the room. Gadgets and clothes were littered everywhere, a bunch of red string and pictures were lying on one side of the wall. In fact, only the dresser was somewhat neat, and it also held the alarm. Carl didn’t have the authority to cite her for her own living space, but he was starting to get concerned.

That was when he found the alarm, blaring as usual. Before he could turn it off, he found something that shocked him to his very core: The Alarm title. It was named: “Take meds (LAST CHANCE!!!!)” As he tried figuring out what was going on, he found a medicine capsule laying on its side right next to it. Luckily, none of the pills fell to the floor, but as he picked it up, what he found shocked him: “Mind Fixing Pills.” Written in marker.

oh no… this couldn’t be good.

[timeoverload]

I'm in a good mood. :) Today went a lot better than I was anticipating. I was able to keep up with the fast doctor and there were 3 rooms going at the same time. I didn't get overwhelmed.

Nothing bad happened except I was too busy to be able to eat breakfast this morning so I got hangry. I was so hungry that I caved and bought lunch even though it was sandwich day. It wasn't very good but it made me feel better so I guess that's all that matters. I also think it's ridiculous that they charge $7 for a small cold sandwich but I suppose everything is expensive now.

I did get annoyed because I thought I went to lunch early enough to avoid the creepy guy but he came to work like 45 minutes early to get food. He always comes to sit with me and I hate it. There were plenty of open tables. He has been drinking mimosas before work lately apparently. He said something about us needing to get together sometime and I was so uncomfortable. I flat out told him that I try to avoid hanging out with co-workers outside of work because it causes problems. He said he understood. Then he decided to tell me about how one of his old co-workers said he sexually assaulted her at a party and he got arrested. He said he didn't do anything to her but I have a hard time believing him because I already know he doesn't like the word "no". I'm not sure why he felt the need to tell me about that. I really didn't want to hear about that while I was trying to eat. He just makes me nervous in a bad way. I got up and left as soon as I could. I'm done sitting in the cafeteria because I can't seem to avoid him. I shouldn't have to do that. My breaks are very special to me and I need time by myself to decompress.

The girl that I was talking about the other night was back at work today. I found out what happened to her and it's not what I expected. She started seeing this guy and she really likes him but she wasn't aware that he had a crazy ex. She was staying the night at his place and both of their cars were vandalized by his ex girlfriend. She had all 4 of her tires slashed. The ex girlfriend also keyed her car and wrote obscene shit on it. They are pressing charges. I feel so bad because that's so fucked up. I am glad she doesn't have to pay to have it fixed. I probably would have a similar reaction so I understand why she was so upset the other day. I feel bad for assuming she was on drugs or something because that's not what happened. I know she does do that sometimes but she doesn't come to work when she is under the influence as far as I know. I still think she might be hanging out with the wrong crowd but I don't think things are as bad as my other co-worker made it sound. It's really none of my business and I don't want to gossip about her. I don't know enough about the situation to have an opinion. I also don't think she has any problems with me because we were joking around like usual today. I think when she said that she wanted to work around people who respect her, she was mostly referring to the morning team lead. He is a dick to her and she hates him. I think that's also why she changed her hours so she doesn't come to work until noon. Anyway, I am just glad she is ok and I hope that her luck improves.

I am so happy the day is over and I can sit here and do nothing. I don't feel like doing anything tonight. I never went to the grocery store so I will have to do that sometime this weekend because I don't have a lot of food right now. I wanted to go last night but I felt awful. I'm glad that passed quickly and I still have no idea why I felt that way. I am going to have a lot to do in the morning but it's ok I guess.

I was planning on taking my car to the shop on Saturday but it's running fine for now so I'm not going to. I don't really have the money to do that yet either. I just need to be careful with it.

I think I am going to relax now because I'm worn out. I don't have much else to talk about. I hope everything goes well tomorrow.

Maxwell, thank you for sending me so many nice things because that makes me happy. I love you too!!! 💖💖💖 I am looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. :)

I hope everyone else has a good day tomorrow too! Thank you for listening to me ramble. 💖💖💖

[usmsgutterson]

venting about problems I'm worrying about two months before they'll become problems and they're pretty insignificant anyway

having to navigate a friend group where one of my closest friends is the ex of another of my closest friends is a logistical nightmare.

I turn nineteen in january. I wanted to just do a thing with friends (bowling or dinner or a rage room or smth) and then something with family (dinner and maybe a trip to a bar with my sisters because nineteen is the legal drinking age where I am and I do want to get a liiiiiiitttle tipsy at least)

but like. I might have to just do three things because Person A ghosted Person B after like, a month and a half-two months?? of leading them on, and also Person B made Person A angry for the entire year leading up to their break up but Person A didn't say shit and so Person A is like "our relationship ended on a bad note" and Person B is just like "Person A has been ghosting me since august and took me off of the accounts we shared without warning but I'm fine, I've made peace with it even though being ghosted freaking sucks" so it's--it's all very complicated.

How do I know I'll need to plan three things if I want Person A involved in my birthday celebration?? I watched the fnaf movie with Person B and my friend Person C on the day before halloween and before we went I invited Person A and they were like "will my ex be there?" and when I was like "yeah" they were like "ugh no. why would I want to see my ex??" and mentally I was like "it is a fucking movie. can you not sit for two hours, NOT EVEN NEXT TO PERSON B and just fucking be cordial??" but I never said that bc I am nice externally and when they get angry, Person A becomes almost as terrifying as my dad does.

SO, if I want to celebrate with all of my friends, I will AT MINIMUM have to do a thing with Persons B and C, another thing with my friends L, H, C again and Person A, and then go to dinner with my parents and sisters where I will absolutely be getting drunk because I will legally be able to and all of the fucking stress and MONEY going into it?? not even slightly worth it oh my fucking word.

and it just--it kind of makes me mad because I shouldn't have to celebrate my birthday with three groups of people three or four different times. I don't have the energy to do that even slightly, and it pisses me off because how are you incapable of being calm and cordial and collected for an hour in a rage or escape room?? How are you incapable, ABSOLUTELY INCAPABLE of being cordial for the length of one dinner at Boston Pizza where I will be drinking a literal FISHBOWL of alcohol and getting so drunk that it'll be impossible not to laugh at me??? how. how can you not. just this fucking once.

and I know it probably makes me sound really selfish--I promise this isn't how I actually am, the idea of celebrating my birthday more than twice is just a LITTTTTLE nauseating and kind of makes me want to spiral into social burn out because I can handle doing multiple different things with family but with friends I just--my social battery is gone after six hours and I've been really excited about this birthday since I hit eighteen because both of my sisters are able to drink already and I have been missing out on the times they're hanging out with people for almost a full two years now because alcohol is involved and I'm sick of missing out. I promise I do my best not to be self centered or vain but I feel like it's justified in this case.

With my family my social battery is basically LIMITLESS because they respect when I go quiet and aside from my mom asking me what's wrong a couple of times, they'll understand that I don't really wanna talk but am more content to listen for like, ten or fifteen minutes until one of them does something that makes me laugh and I'm back in the groove of things, but it just. I have the energy to do something during the day on my birthday and a dinner. anything more than that and especially anything that doesn't happen within the week after my birthday?? I'm at the point where I have spent five months at home almost unrelentingly and my capacity for weekly social events is not at all like it used to be even SLIGHTLY, as much as I hate that.

and I just don't--it just fuckin' irks me to no end because I get not being able to be around your ex--I have an ex who I can't stand to be around anymore because of how we ended things so I absolutely get it--but like. The only reason that they ended on a bad foot was poor communication and Person A's unwillingness to clear stuff up even despite Person Bs numerous attempts at reaching out before they just gave up on Peson A. Clear stuff up and at least be acquaintances or at least TRY TO BE ACQUAINTANCES.

again, I probably sound selfish but it is one in the morning, I am sleep deprived and this entire vent was stream of consciousness style venting so. please let it be known that the version of me that's angry because I have to have two celebrations for one occasion is not the me that exists all the time.

[kitchenrat2-0system]

Today was not a good day. I found out the job I was supposed to begin with fake. And I don't mean fake, as in, " this is a fake company ", I mean fake as in real company, real job listing, was never going to be filled.

I feel like such a failure for this. I feel like I should have been a better host for this. I feel like I should have seen this coming and not stopped applying. As it stands I have wasted 9 days as far as the job search goes. And I am now desperate to pay rent. There is one charity in town which I can call, and I've taken out an emergency loan with a ridiculous payment plan. I feel stupid for getting us in debt. My mom came through and offered us a credit card with a $500 limit on it in order to at least keep us housed. If it weren't for her I would be literally shaking apart with anxiety right now.

In addition to that, I have, unfortunately, come face to face with the phenomenon of white people teaming up when one of them cries even when it makes no sense, or they shouldn't be. I told my roommate to stop interrupting me mid conversation because she kept making stupid asides and interrupting people and I was trying to say something important, and all three of them just had a game night along with their friends that I already know, and no one invited me.

So I feel like even though I just moved in with these folks and my chances here are already dead. I feel like I fucked that up even though I know that my boundaries are not to be crossed when I went out to get milk, literally nobody said anything to me and I caught some people doing the sneaky glance thing.

I wound up having a two and a half hour phone call with one friend that helped a lot with all of this but it's still a painful on the job aspect and annoying on the roommate aspect. That's okay though because as it turns out no one's better at sitting calmly during passive aggressive attempts than me.

All you have to do is pretend like you actually don't understand this level of subtext even though it's obvious. Basically the person will jump to provide you an explanation that explains their behavior to you but that doesn't give away what they were actually doing. The problem is they're just telling me a half story there, and I'm extremely empathetic. You can't talk a hole in a conversation without me figuring out that there is one even if I don't know how to look at it directly.

I kind of went back into my past a bit today and recalled what happened with the people who wound up helping me get out of the slow slide into death I was doing with my ex fiance. They wound up putting me in a psych ward, then pigeon holding me into going to fort worth, then basically abandoned me there to figure out my s*** even though I was physically incapable of working at the time and I was mentally desolated.

Speaking of desolated, I went to the mountain today and found that the area underneath was still extremely scarred and raw. To back up, the mountain is the machine that we run all of our logic and reasoning with it basically processes all of our ideas it catches our internal biases it runs checks for that jokes, implications that we might miss otherwise, etc.

Back when I went to the psych ward the area under the mountain was freshly destroyed and I thought that with time and with healing it would go away, but the area is still ugly it looks like a permanent scar on our psyche. And I don't know what to do about this, I don't really know what to do about anything inside the inner world anymore. C and W are still absent from the tower and so it is extremely quiet. It is still storming outside in the green space, so I know that whatever is going on with Kay isn't over yet.

I think what got me about today is that it's exhausting. And I'm so exhausted at this point that my passive suicidality has started to increase. And I know that this is incredibly dangerous territory for both the entire system and for me in particular. I have never once gone dormant and I'm not entirely sure what happens if I do. I'm not entirely sure I will come back out. I don't think I will. The system values stability and a change in host means an extreme instability that won't be simply fixed overnight.

But right now I'm so exhausted that I just want to never wake up. And I don't know what to do about this. I get no support from the inner world. I get the support that I can Garner from the outer world, but when all of your friendships are based on what you can't do in order to not be replaced, it's a risky move every time. I don't really know what to do with myself. I can't really take a lower paying job because I'll drop us in Texas I can't really take a higher paying job because they literally won't hire me.

So I guess back to the drawing board and hopefully I will not put my head through it.

[melodyplucked]

   ❝    exactly... we've known each other too well for too long not to know each other best... or at least better than most.   ❞    even with the low to no contact periods, he's sure she could read him like a book- know when he's smiling and doesn't really mean it the way he's seen the lack of animation in her face he used to know so well.   ❝    hey, i'm here now, yeah? guess i'll just have to get right on making you happiest, putting a real smile on this sweet face.   ❞    he beams. that's the sort of moment he knows in the past he might have kissed her. he won't now. won't push his luck. but- he likes that their connection comes so easily rushing back to him. ricky loves the feeling of her eyes meeting his, those soft brown doe eyes of hers he always feels like he could melt into.   ❝    well- maybe dare to dream a bit, okay? i'm here. and i'm all yours- except when big red needs me for whatever best man stuff he has planned, but- i'm excited to spend time with you again...   ❞    he shouldn't say that- that he's all hers. maybe she doesn't want that. but it's perhaps said lightly enough she won't take it so seriously as part of him does mean it. he'll give her not just his time while they're here. his heart too- though she's always had that.

he appreciates seeing her relax, let go of the restraints of the world and just- let her posture go as they walk to the elevator together. this is nini- his nini... though not his. and he's just ricky with her too- he appreciates that feeling of going back to before. though it's new too- not just the past that shines through when they're together in the same space now.   ❝    i am sorry- for not making a definitive statement about it. i just didn't want it to become an issue- for anyone involved.   ❞    as much as heather knew he was still writing about his ex, knew that particular song was about nini, it's one thing for the two of them to know that, another for him to come out and say that the love song he put out that everyone loves so much isn't about his very famous girlfriend everyone adores... not to mention- even if he doesn't say who it's for in specific... he didn't want nini taking any heat for the situation either.   ❝    the song was yours. you're right. i knew you'd know... i think for her it was a mix of publicity for me and my song and her pride... not that that's an excuse   ❞    he's being gentle though.   ❝    i do know you are, it's us... we're just- protective of our love... it means a lot to me and i know it means a lot to you... and even if it would've been tough to navigate, i would've understood if you had. even if it was something more direct than that.   ❞    he actually chuckles at the last bit.

   ❝    to me you will never, ever be a bother, nini salazar-roberts.   ❞    he assures her. easier heard than remembered he's sure, but- it's true.   ❝    i think so too. i just don't want to assume what you're comfortable doing with me now... it's been a while since i've been in bed next to you. but you know how you draw me in... i would love to cuddle with you in bed every night while we're here.   ❞    the kind of thing he's certainly missed, especially since his breakup, but even in general, the way the two of them are together is uniquely their own. she squeezes his hand three times and he squeezes back with a smile on his face.   ❝    you have anything in particular you think you'd want to eat? this place seems like it has a lot of options from when i was looking at the menu earlier in our room.   ❞    the way his mind has so easily flipped that switch. the room he'd checked into earlier before her arrival, but now he's sharing with her... it's only right. it's theirs. he wants to savor that a bit.

part    of    her    hates    that    he    knows    her    well    enough    to    see    the    pain    hidden    behind    her    smiles.    if    there's    anyone    she'd    wanted    to    fool    into    thinking    she    was    happy,    it    was    ricky.    he    was    happy,    after    all,    so    she    should    have    been,    too.    to    know    he    could    see    beyond    the    facade    she    put    up    stung    a    bit.    ❝    yeah...    perks    of    being    best    friends    since    we    were    kids,    huh?    you    do    know    me    best.    ❞    she    says,    a    gentle    sigh    falling    off    her    lips.    ❝    well,    you    should    know    what    a    happy    nini    looks    like,    since    you've    always    been    the    one    person    able    to    make    me    the    happiest.    ❞    words    are    spokenly    so    sweetly,    but    there's    a    hint    of    pain    behind    them.    their    breakup    had    been    so    dumb.    not    wanting    to    do    the    long    distance    had    been    stupid.    spreading    their    wings    and    flying?    she    knew    she    was    always    going    to    fly    back    to    him,    no    matter    what.    they    never    should    have    been    apart,    she    truly    believed    that.    she    looks    up    at    him,    eyes    meeting    and    bringing    a    wider    smile    to    her    lips.    ❝    i    had    hoped    that    i'd    get    to    see    you    here,    but    i    haven't    really    had    the    best    luck    lately,    so    i    didn't    let    myself    wish    too    hard    for    it.    ❞

❝    you    definitely    have    a    very    tired    neens    on    your    hands.    ❞    she    admits,    letting    her    shoulders    fall    and    loosening    her    posture    now    that    she    wasn't    trying    to    be    nina    the    pop    star.    she    could    just    be    herself    with    ricky,    like    she    always    had.    she    was    just    nini    to    him,    for    him.    she    sighs,    trying    her    best    not    to    have    an    unkind    reaction    toward    his    ex-girlfriend.    ❝    yeah...    it    was    hard.    that's    ours.    it's    mine.    ❞    she'd    been    angry    when    the    girl    hadn't    denied    that    the    song    was    about    her.    ❝    i    know    she    never    actually    claimed    it,    but    everyone    assumed    and    she    didn't    say    anything...    i    hated    it,    if    i'm    being    completely    honest.    selfishly,    i    wanted    to    say    something    about    it    so    badly.    make    some    snide    little    instagram    post    with    pictures    from    the    days    mentioned    in    the    song.    just...    claim    what's    mine    and    ours.    you    know    how    possessive    i    am,    especially    about    you.    ❞    maybe    it    isn't    something    she    should    admit    outright,    but    he    does    know    her    better    than    anyone    ever    has.    he    knows    how    she    is.

❝    i    just    don't    want    to    be    a    bother.    ❞    she    says    softly,    wrapping    a    hand    around    her    upper    arm    to    hold    onto    herself.    brody    had    done    a    number    on    her,    making    her    feel    like    she    was    intruding    just    for    being    around.    she    never    wanted    to    make    ricky    think    that    way    of    her.    she'd    been    trying    to    make    herself    smaller,    to    blend    in    with    the    furniture    and    be    the    pretty    trophy    wife    she'd    come    to    find    out    brody    was    really    in    the    market    for.    ❝    i    think    there's    a    good    chance    we    end    up    cuddling.    it's    us,    after    all.    my    personal    space    is    your    personal    space.    ❞    she    teases,    squeezing    his    hand    three    times    as    she    walks    a    little    closer    to    him.    he's    always    had    the    ability    to    pull    her    into    his    orbit    and    keep    her    teethered    to    his    side,    in    a    way    that    wasn't    destructive    and    toxic    like    brody    had    been.    she    just...    gravitated    toward    him.    their    love    was    magnetic.

[lachlanzeez]

Could you do headcannon or a story where kent is jealous of tyler or Xavier ( up to you ) but he dosent have to be cause the reader only has eyes for him :)

ofc anon it's gonna be a bit of both hc and story and both tyler and xavier (story is xavier and hc is tyler) thank you guys for the requests!

______________________________________________________________

Kents POV

i saw my (name) talking with the one and only xavier the "tortured" artist. Otherwise known as bianca barclay's Ex boyfriend.

I hated seeing them so close to one another because xavier is also known as "mr steal your girl" because basically every guy in the school's girlfriends have broken up with them for xavier thorpe. Even though me and (name) aren't dating and i shouldn't be jealous i still hated every second that her attention was on him instead of me.

Was she always this smiley? or is it only for xavier?, i don't know but i don't like it one bit. My sister must of seen be basically glaring into xavier's head because she asked if me and xavier are good.

"hey kent, you ok with thorpe?" davina said to me "just peachy.." i said in a low mumble, still glaring at xavier " ohh your jealous your gf is talking to thorpe huh?" she said wiggling her eyebrows at me. "no!" i yelled, a little bit too loud that (name) turned her head over here. I quickly turned my head the other way, avoiding her eyes.

(names) POV

i knew kent was staring at me. I can feel his eyes on me because he isn't that subtle at staring at someone and glaring at the other person. I was smiling a little wider to see if kent noticed and questioned if i always smiled like this to people or just to xavier.

I heard a yelled "no" no from someone so i turned my head, looking to see who did it and saw davina laughing with yoko and kent staring at me. I saw him quickly turn his head away and davina staring at me, smiling and also wiggling her eyebrows at me. I then thought about something, putting it in davinas head so she knew what i said.

"what's wrong?" i said to her while looking at davina "kents jealous of you and xavier" she thought back. I giggled a bit, smiling at the thought that kent likes me back. So i set up a plan to grab a pen and paper from xavier, grabbing tape out of my bag and writing something on the paper.

I turned to xavier, saying our goodbyes. I hugged him and made him turn to where kent was. Putting the note on his back, it said something that made kent blush.

"Don't worry kent, i only have eyes for you" the note said, making the siren all giddy in his stomach.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Headcanon time 3rd POV

Davina dragged her brother to weathervanes cafe because she was meeting up with Yoko and didn't want to go alone. Yoko of course didn't mind because she knew Davina needed somebody there for her.

and the only reason he came was not only for his sister but also because he overheard that (name) was coming here today. And he hoped that it was true.

and he was right, she was here but oh- wait she's with a normie?! what's his name?... Tyler! That's his name thought Kent. He was really jealous because they were sitting so close together.

he didn't know that they were talking about (name) asking Kent out to the ravenN and that (Name) needed advice about what to do and how to ask Kent out to the ravenN

Kent was glaring into Tyler's head. Tyler felt like he could feel somebody's eyes on him but he didn't do anything about it, which made Kent even angrier because he wanted Tyler to notice him and get scared that a siren that can and would kill him if he kept up with the hugging and hand grabbing with his (Name).

at the end Tyler ended up noticing Kent which made kent a bit happier but what kent was not expecting was that Tyler was pushing (Name) out to his direction.

bumping into Kent you apologized about tyler pushing you. But Kent was so happy that he had you in his arms. Something that he had always dreamt of.

but something that he was not expecting was that his dream girl was going to be asking him out to the ravenN

"i was wondering if you wanted to go to the ravenN with me?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taglist form

xoxo

-lachlan zeez

[stormblessed95]

Hi storm, How are you? I know its a lame question. But I want to know your views. So here I'm. My question is why jikook were not hanging around in Las Vegas like others.. Ex: We got Jihope shopping, someone posted Tae, kook and hobi in a restaurant. Is it too much to ask? I'm fine with seeing all the members hanging around happily so why not jikook? Sorry to ask this. Stay safe ☺

People need to stop reporting on these boys every movement. Those are my thoughts 😭 Let them breathe outside of a hotel and not have to be cognizant of every phone around them 😅

Is it too much to ask? Yes. You are not entitled to ask for anything from any of the members. Jikook and their relationship do not exist for your consumption. If they want to go out together, here's hoping everyone leaves them alone. If they want to go out with the other members and their best friends, more power to them! They probably make plans based on mutual interest and go from there. If we are meant to know about it, they will tell us themselves.

Plus, object permanence is starting to become my new favorite phrase 😭 Did we already forget JK telling us just 2 days ago that he went to Jimins room and they held each other?? Clearly they are seeing each other plently. Did we already forget LA and the TMIs, how no one shared anything ever about jikook hanging out even though some other duos did, just to find out that off camera and on down time, they spent all the time together working out, going on walks, eating their hotel meals together, just chilling in Jimins room together, like constantly. So it's not like we don't know anything. JK already told us they've been spending time together. And if it's anything like LA, they are probably spending more time together than we know and it's none of our business.

Jihope going shopping together is legit a tradition with them. They would go out shopping together as much as they could when they had extra time in every city they could during their world tours. Can we not be happy that they are starting to be able to do that again rather than sad it's not YOUR preferred duo and thinking something must be wrong. Let's all recognize that shopping and dinners and concerts respectively could all account for like 5 hours from the day. Plus we know they are all together for work and rehearsal times too. On top of that there are still SO MANY hours of multiple days where you have no idea what any of them are up to. Jihope shared these shopping moments above with us themselves. That is how it should be too. Plus them going out shopping shouldn't surprise anyone, they literally said it's what they wanted to do on the Grammy Red Carpet

Why not Jikook? Because we are not entitled to their time to be shared and if they want to spend their time with their friends, then we should be happy that got to do so. Maknae line has been sticking to Hobis side since he showed up in Vegas. It's clear they missed him ALOT! Let's just enjoy the moments we do hear about and that they share with us. Vhopekook having a good time at the concert and at dinner is amazing and wonderful to hear about. Miniminimoni jamming at the concert and Jihope giggling over dinner and going shopping makes me so happy! JK sharing about his cuddles and hugs with Jimin right after he broke out of quarantine makes my heart MELT

Please please please remember that these guys are all REAL people. They aren't here to entertain you with their private lives or give you 24/7 access to their time, thoughts and relationships. They aren't here to follow a script to make sure jikookers or vminies or taejinies or taekookers are getting enough glimpses of their relationship to stay happy. They aren't following a script. There shouldn't be any discourse over who goes out with who when or who is spotted where. We should all just simply be happy that they look happy. And they do. They all seem happy from what we have seen and heard.

Sorry if this seems harsh. It's not my intention. I'm sure you just miss them and want to know they are okay. But trust that they are because they both seem happy when we have seen them. Theyve shared what they wanted to share (and some army has shared extra 🙄 ) and let's enjoy them while they enjoy their free time. Relax, take a deep breathe, and trust in their happiness. That's what is the most important thing here after all.

I do hope you have a really wonderful rest of your day 💜💜 thank you for the ask! 💜

[cr0wbonezz-wr1ting-inc]

One more time

Summary: Alex regrets ever saying yes. All he wants is a second chance.

Trigger warning: Mentions of cheating, mentions of sex, swearing, angst

Author's note: my first piece off hiatus !! - you're a twitch streamer in this fic but it won't come up too much :) hope u like it <3

Based on: Break My Heart Again - FINNEAS

you sigh. your ex-boyfriend called again. you've been ignoring your phone for 5 minutes now. was he really this desperate?

you pick up your phone and slide the green button.

"what do you want, alex?"

"___, you picked up!"

he sounded extremely relieved, like he needs you to breathe.

"i did, now what do you want?"

alex sighed and leaned on a wall in his bedroom.

"can i come over? there's some stuff i still need to pick up."

you suck in a breath sharply. the air is thick and tense.

"no."

you clench the phone you were holding and bit your lip.

"i don't want to see you right now."

alex closed his eyes and pushed himself off the wall.

"i understand, you need time."

there was silence for a moment. neither of you wanted to say anything.

"if you want to come over that bad you can get your things tomorrow morning."

"sounds good. i'll be there around 11, okay?"

"fine."

"good-"

you ended the call.

"-bye..."

alex let his arm drop beside him. his eyes were watering, but he wiped it away with the sleeve of his hoodie.

it's his fault, he knew. but why is he still so upset? he shouldn't feel like this - it's is his own doing, after all.

~

you open the door to your home. alex was standing on the porch with a few empty bags in hand. the morning sun blinded you slightly, making you squint at the man in front of you.

"hi ___."

"hello, alex. all your belongings are on the couch.

"great, thank you."

~

he looks over as he's folding a shirt.

"what are you looking at?"

you say without looking away from your laptop.

his face was getting red slightly from embarrassment.

"nothing, you seem busy."

alex directed his eyes back to the clothes in front of him.

"otherwise you would've said something about me."

alex snickered slightly, trying to lighten the mood.

you sigh, holding your face in one of your hands.

don't say it. ___, keep it in. there's no point in fighting him. ___-

"if i wanted to make a comment it'd be about the fact you can't keep your dick in your pants."

god damn it, why did you do that?

he fell quiet. you hated his guts, but even you felt kind of bad for being so blunt with it.

a part of you still loved him. his loud, yet charming laugh. his sweet kisses. his adorable clinginess. his blushing face when you teased him.

you shake your head, trying to physically get rid of your pity for him. he doesn't love you anymore. he shouldn't, and neither should you.

~

after filling the bags with alex's belongings he stood up and wiped his forehead. you waver from your work and look him up and down.

"you done?"

you asked him. he turned around and gave you a weak smile.

"yeah, i think so."

"good, you know the way out."

you turn back to your computer.

"___, wait. can i ask you something?"

you make eye contact with him, fully aware it makes him nervous.

"what do you want?"

alex took a quick breath.

"can we talk sometime?"

you look at him like he spoke an alien tongue.

"why the hell would i?"

"i want to talk about what happened between us. i hate that our relationship is so sour."

he set a step forward.

"i just want this to end peaceful - or at least neutral."

"why the fuck would i want to be peaceful with you of all people?"

"i hate ending things on the wrong foot, you know that."

alex stands his ground, making you livid.

"then we make up, and then what? you'll just break my heart again!"

you stand up, simultaneously pushing the chair away with your legs.

"then i can lay awake and think about why i even let you inside my house again in the first place?!"

if looks could kill, alex would be on the floor.

"fine. if you don't want to, then i guess everything will just stay the way it is."

alex turned around and grabbed his bags. there's no way he's getting through to you right now.

"oh, so now it's my fault?"

you slam your laptop and walk away from the table.

"well, i'm so sorry for being angry at you for cheating on me!"

you don't hold your anger in anymore, he crossed the line.

"i never said that, ___!"

alex yelled to match your energy.

you took a step back. the audacity to yell at you in your house.

"out. now."

alex grabbed the second bag of clothes and without a word walked to the front door.

"goodbye, ___."

alex pushes the door open and steps outside. you go after him but stop at the doorstep.

"fuck you!" you sob out. you grab the doorknob and slam the door shut.

your knees slowly got weaker and you sit against the front door, shutting your eyes.

~

it's been a month since you've seen alex. you've blocked him on everything since then.

you were doing a q&a on your twitch channel and everything was going well. chat was filled with questions and you answered the one's you could.

your thoughts were somewhere else, though.

you still miss him, you really did. alex used to watch your streams all the time. he sent you donations with cheesy pick-up lines, he called you during streams to make fun of you for dying in a game or just to chat while he's bored.

but that didn't happen anymore.

you realize you haven't said anything in a while and you apologize. your chat was spamming purple hearts and 'are you okay?'

"ah, sorry everyone, i'm still tired from yesterday. i think i'm going to end the stream for today, thank you all for coming!"

after saying goodbye you turn off your computer.

why are you still so obsessed over him?! he cheated on you! he even tried to cover it up with a bullshit story about "not being the first to kiss her," and "she forced me to," like someone would believe a lie like that.

yet, you still love him. something inside you wants to believe him, like he really was telling the truth.

~

the next morning you open twitter and scroll for a bit. you made a tweet earlier in which you stated you weren't going to stream today.

you looked at the trending topics and saw your name in bold letters. you clicked on it and read the first tweet that popped up.

'i really hope ___ is doing better, they looked so sad on stream :('

an image was attached to it - a screenshot from the stream you did yesterday where you were mindlessly staring at your computer screen.

you sighed. at least they're not thinking too deep about this.

you scroll further down, replying and liking a couple tweets saying you were alright, thanking them or cracking a joke. this should keep them off your back for a while.

after scrolling for a bit one tweet catches your eye. you clutch your phone as you read the comment.

'kinda obvious they miss quackity :/ it's a good cover-up story tho '

~

alex was staring at his ceiling. he'd seen the tweets about you - about him.

he hates this feeling. he hates the fact that he knows what you're thinking. he hates that he knows it's his fault. he didn't mean to. he didn't.

"come on, alex. you know you want it." the woman said.

"i told you, no! i have a partner!" alex pushed her away for the second time, trying to find a way past the girl and out of this small alleyway. he should've never gone to this stupid bar.

"tch, whatever. but know you'll regret rejecting someone like me!" the girl pushed him to the brick wall and fixed her dress as she walked away.

alex fixed himself for a minute and walked past the bar and into his car. he pulled out his phone and shot you a quick text.

'hey bb i'll be over in a few :)'

'don't come back.'

you responded almost immediately. alex froze as he looked at the screen.

'wdym?'

'you know damn well why'

you sent him a photo of him next to the bar in the alley. the girl was all over him while her lips connected lustfully to his.

'it isn't what it looks like, i didn't start any of this!'

you don't respond. alex tries to send you another text when an error pops up.

'unable to send message. user has blocked you.'

~

you hover your hand over your phone's keyboard. you thought anbout alex's offer to talk, and decided that maybe it was a good idea after all. you couldn't get your mind off him, you thought that hopefully getting some closure could help.

but how were you going to ask him? 'hey, i know i blocked number like a month ago but can you to meet me at some random park? see you there!'

after typing and deleting multiple texts you eventually landed on a message.

'hey alex, i've been thinking about your offer to talk it out, and i wanted to ask if you're still up for it?'

you send it and immediately turn off your phone and place it on the coffeetable in front of you. you did it, finally. you fall back on your couch and pull your knees up to your face, waiting for a notification.

after a nailbiting five minutes a light emits from your phone. you pick it up and read the name calling you. 'alex'. you take a deep breath and answer the phone.

"hi alex."

"hey ___, it's been a while."

you sit up straight, preparing yourself for the conversation you're about to have.

'yeah, you can say that."

the atmosphere was a lot less tense than you expected. it was weirdly... comforting? you can hear alex's raspy voice through the phone. has he been crying?

"i saw your text, you wanted to meet?"

"yes, i did. i wanted to get some closure, at least."

alex chuckled, his laugh making you a little flustered. trying to brush it off, you laugh with him.

"what's so funny?" alex asked.

you rolled your eyes and smile.

"you, dumbass."

he gasps cartoonishly loud. his goofy personality is something you could never get enough of. maybe you were wrong after all.

"ok, but seriously, when do you want to meet?"

he gets back on topic. you snap out of your smile and remember why he called in the first place.

"right, right. i'm free this whole week, you can choose when."

after some planning and back and forth, you decide to meet at a small family-run café in the afternoon. coincidentally, it's the same place you two had your first date.

~

you settle down at a table on the terrace of the café, the sunday sun greeting you warmly. you were a little early, so you decided to think of some questions. it didn't take you long to come to a few, though. your main question was the photo. what was that all about?

as you were handed a menu you saw alex walking on the pavement fidgeting with his fingers.

"hey! sorry if i'm late, i took the bus instead of my car."

he took the seat parallel to yours and exhaled.

"oh no, you're right on time. i was just a little early."

the waitress gave alex a menu and disappeared into the establishment. you both decided to stay quiet before getting on topic. neither of you want to start the conversation.

after both ordering and having surface level conversation for a while silence fell. you both know why you're here, it feels off to talk like nothing ever happened.

"okay-"

"so-"

you both start at the same time. alex awkwardly chuckles while covering his mouth.

"you first."

alex proposes. you nod and like magic lose the somewhat content mood you had prior. you steadily breathe in and pull out your phone.

"so, first things first; my main goal is to get closure and an explanation - there's no point in lying to me."

alex hums in agreement. you could tell he was nervous, you knew him better than anyone. you tap on your screen a few times until you reach the photo that was sent to you.

"now, i want a clear answer. what happened that night?"

you ask him firmly as you put your phone on the table to reveal the image.

"that's my ex-girlfriend."

alex said. you raise an eyebrow - his ex? you've heard some wild things about her and her antics, which is exactly why alex broke up with her in the first place.

"she said she wanted to ask me something in private. my dumbass said yes, because i can't pick up on context clues, apparently."

you cross your arms and lean back on the chair.

"you got that right."

alex looks up from the photo and makes eye contact with you.

"long story short, she pushed me to the wall and kissed me. i tried to push her off but she didn't let me go. after shoving her, like, twice she finally got the hint and left."

~

"so she set you up?"

"she hasn't changed a bit since all those years."

you say with a hint of condescension. his explanation made sense, and from what you heard he wasn't lying. your gut told you to believe him, yet your mind had an itching feeling that there was something else.

"are you sure that's all?"

alex flinched slightly.

"y-yes, ___. i don't know what else to tell you."

you mess with your hair a bit, clearly conflicted. there was nothing else, you knew that. but your brain wouldn't let it go. you decided it's better if you just sleep on it.

"alright, then.-"

you grab your bag and stand up.

"-i think we're done here."

alex stays seated and looks up at you.

"yeah, i think so."

you pick the phone up that's laying on the table. you pull out your wallet and put a $5 bill under your teacup.

"goodbye, alex."

"wait!"

alex stands up and grabs your wrist, the gesture scaring you little bit.

"are you still mad at me?"

those eyes. they're so pretty, almost sparlking. you snap out of it when he lets go, just realizing how weird it is to grab someone's arm out of nowhere.

"sorry, my bad. i wasn't thinking."

alex scratches the back of his neck.

"i'm still deciding if i can trust you, but i appreciate you showing up, at least."

"that's enough for me."

alex smile at you, not trying to pry.

"goodbye, ___."

"goodbye, alex."

~

you heard the chirping of the birds outside your window and groan. why is it already morning? you sit up and grab your phone from the nightstand next to your bed, the phone reading 11:23 - tuesday - xx-xx-xxxx.

you sigh and fall back onto your bed. you've been thinking about alex for a few days now, still not getting him out of your head.

after going downstairs and eating some toast you pull out your phone again, the clock now reading 12:44. you look through your contacts and eventually land on his name.

you hover your hand over the green pixels while sitting down at the dining table. you swallow audibly and click the call button.

it goes once.

it goes twice.

"___?"

'Hey alex, i wanted to ask you if you wanted to meet up again?"

ty for reading <3

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