#though that one is like temporary too
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Taking lil breaks and I’m like, staring at the outfit design I got ready for oafb omori and feel like i should change a few minor details to it. So just have him!
It’s an old art that I made in prep for a future outfit change chapter, with my current pace, i feel like it wont be long until then... (gotta prep for stranger and abbi outfits too orz)
#ariart#ariafic talk!#OAFB#yes i am not looking forward to drawing#oafb omori after outfit change that much#CUZ I WENT HAM ON DETAILS FOR IT#and now its so far the most detailed outfit an omori from my aus have#even more so than the one i made for the royal swap art#though that one is like temporary too#royalty outfit my guy its pretty but damn so hard to draw#protector omori yall#omori#omori omori#old art#my art
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#fucks me up that there are two whole new animals in the house that i barely know#who depend on me for everything#barely recognize me as a friend or helper#and are so incredibly incredibly fragile#i got worried for junie today because her spay incision had some swelling#and it's normal to have some and i have seen it before#but after what we just wemt through i got upset and rushed her to the vet#who said it was fine and thankfully we have free office visits#but i was so upset even though i knew it was probably normal#i look at them and i see adorable cuddly sweet TEMPORARY things and i feel like something inside me got broken somehow#and i was right all along that after it was all over i would come back but not quite as myself#i just hadn't fully understood the extent#we are keeping them and it sort of had to happen when it did but i think it was too early for me#they are so cute and when they do cuddle it's so sweet and obviously i would fight for them as hard as i would for Fancy#because that's just how the deal works and it isn't about you at all it's about how they each carry a little world inside them just as we d#and that deserves equal respect and care regardless of my personal affections#but i look at them and i see little creatures that don't belong here and are foreign in some fundamental way#and that they will be gone in just a little while and things will go back to how they were#which is impossible#we will settle in and i doubt anything i am feeling is abnormal but I'm really struggling and i feel so bad about that#i don't know#it's just a lot to deal with#and i feel very lonely and sad about it#and under it all the sick feeling of having JUST held all three lads as they passed and the VISCERAL reality of it#and knowing one day if everything goes just right i will be holding them too#dear god life is so fragile and every living thing is just as mortal as any other
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The worst thing is, Viconia would've fit perfectly in Shadowheart's storyline. From Viconia's (non-romanced) epilogue, we know this:
Viconia does found a cult of Shar in Waterdeep and she is betrayed by one of her followers. She is, not Shar. Shar, in fact, admonishes Viconia for this, showing she clearly never ordered that. And Viconia does not give a damn. This is the woman who left the cult of Lolth and went to the 'lighter' option that was Shar (compared to Lolth). She already deals with agents sent by Lolth, she's not going to let Shar tell her what to do.
The nature of the betrayal Viconia was the subject of is left entirely up to the player. With Viconia and Shadowheart's backstory being what they are, Shar's plot for a Selûnite child could've been perfectly inserted as the reason for Viconia's falling out with Shar.
Viconia left Lolth because of how children were treated, how she was treated herself. She did not turn to Shar to do the same thing. She would reject Shar's plot the moment the order came, and that would be the perfect trigger for one of her follower to turn of her. Shar's cult being what it is, I don't think taking down the whole lot is overkill to avoid further backstabbing. There aren't many who will pick their priestress over their goddess, especially not with how Sharran's faith emphasizes self-effacing. Can't make a decision for yourself when you don't think for yourself.
Shar's reprimends following what Viconia did further proves this wasn't what the goddess wanted. Complete that by adding she's incensed Viconia rejected her order and slaughtered her willing clerics, and you've got the perfect connection between Viconia and Shadowheart.
In BG 3, we could've met Viconia in Baldur's Gate, rather annoyed because she's been getting an influx of Sharran agents after her, and she's tracking the source to put an end to it. A Shar-aligned Shadowheart could've the mission to purge the cloister that failed to kill her, while a Selûne-aligned Shadowheart would work with her to put and end to the cloister, to give them both some peace and quiet.
Epilogue could've them both sharing tips on 'How to best kill an agent of faith sent after you'. They both have sharp tongues and a similar past, they could've had fantastic banter.
Instead we have this mess.
#baldur's gate 2#bg 2#baldur's gate 3#bg3#baldur's gate3 critical#viconia devir#shadowheart#i like shadowheart#why did they make me hate her quest#with a shar aligned shadowheart you meet a drow informant#who's really helpful supplying information about the sharran cult of the area#supposedly she's sent by shar to assit shadowheart in her quest#and it fits because this strange drow's doing everything a sharran cleric should#so why would anyone be suspicious#at the end of the house of grief amongst the other revelations#we discover the ever so helpful informant was actually viconia devir the traitor this cloister failed to eliminate#who used shadowheart's mission as an opportunity to get rid of the sharran after her#and now she's long gone#shar shadowheart is of course angry and makes it her mission to track her down once the netherbrain situation is handled#when you meet her in the epilogue she's still on the hunt though she had close encounters with her quarry and is eager to get back to it#with selune shadowheart viconia reveal herself for who she truly is and you get more dialogue and time with her#she joins you for shadowheart's quest as a temporary companion#with her and jaheira bitching the whole way there#you get the opportunity to convince her to stay to fight the netherbrain#she's there during the epilogue mostly keeping to herself but chatting with shadowheart a bit#mainly about their respective evasion of agents of the faith be it shar or lolth#more bitching with jaheira obviously#possibly with minthara too#they would probably dislike each other#the one person a drow is least likely to trust is another drow
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redesign :D
#art#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#oc#pink space#RIP the ponytail lol#though when i first drew her i hadn't liked it very much and was like 'that'll prolly be temporary' And Then I Didn't Change It For Like A#Year Lmao#so this was bound to happen#+ it was cuz i didn't know what to do for her head's silhouette but i've figured that out so now i hardly draw the ponytail loll#//next will be either Kira or Hid's ref!! depending on which one my brain can get the least undefined about hfvhs#//also i kinda really love how her redesign turned out hfhhd#i could never figure out how i wanted her to dress because when i was drawing her up i#1) was a little afraid of making her look too [you know gesture] for Reasons lol [<- is so vague for no reason]#and 2) if the clothes were Cool but didn't cover enough it must been Bad. i have no idea where this idea came from lol!! but beGONE#//OH yea and i never explain any of the lore for this story ever but i like to explain and justify decisions a lot so how 'bout that hfhvs#/so in this world a good chunk of society has heat-based powers (no other kind) so emergency responders/enforcers need fire-proof gear#Aura never wears hers right because well. they Feel Bad (cursing her with The Big Coat Is Hell lolll)#there Is a coat to this ensemble. mmm no i will not be drawing it for a while hfsvh#+ the axe is because of the whole The Gods Will Give You A Sick Weapon As A Sign Of Alliance And Protection thing#but honestly if i get talking about the Gods i won't stop for the next 8 paragraphs lol#/i've had this story for a year. there's a lot hsbvfabfj#my brother has listened to me explain the thing like 5 times. because he doesn't remember what i tell him and neither of us can stay on#topic ever Hfhsv#//but yeah gonna spin in circles forever now!! and maybe rub my feet raw on the carpet again tryna learn this dance :3 tooooodles
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ok that was a new one
#trying to fall asleep half falling asleep and then instantly waking up in a cosmically dissociative state#that was not ok. it can't start happening to me without an adverse reaction to treatment ...#i can't remember when the other time in my life i experience a similar thing was....#one part of the brain fully awake but an entire other part still asleep and the rest conscious without it (NOT supposed to happen)#hellish stuff maan not ok not ok#i looked at my hands and recognized and understood them... but also recognized and understood the arbitrariness of their shape and number#and of the form of my mind and perception and place in time and errything.#cmon man you're only supposed to do that to people on random drugs not overstressed ppeople tryin to frickin sleep 😭#fuckin worst anxiety attack in a long LONG while fuckin hell.#i had to walk and wait for the rest of my brain to wake up and start perceiving so i could fuckin have the rest of my human context back#like where do you even hide man when the rest of your mind isn't there to run back to. it's like being stripped under the eye of sauron#the zones of my brain are too frickin detached and desynchronized i need to be neurologically sewn back together#i experienced temporary (~hourlong in ebbs and waves) broca's aphasia at treatment the other week. wild. and not ok#im gonna try tms again i think. it wasn't a silver bullet for me but it did help repair my cognition and memory and coherency for a bit...#til i lost it again at least#i miss josette. i played her game when rising on the brief crest of tms before my exhaustion started outweighing the few improvements#I'll revisit josette and sedona blue if i do that treatment again. J1 is too much of a slog to replay but J2 is a timeless precious gem#tms is so painful though it shocks my neuralgia#but im desperate i guess#ahahaahhh i need helppp. i ain bin this screwed since 2020 i think
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1 and 9 for riku? :3
What memory would your OC rather just forget?
Hm I think there’s definitely a lot of memories Riku would rather forget, most of them stemming from his time with Hatanaka. While I’m still kinda work-shopping Hatanaka as a character, something that hasn’t changed (yet) is how she uses Riku for her schemes. She’s manipulated him into doing some things that he isn’t proud of and he’d definitely like to pretend never happened (which is hard considering the scars he has).
9. Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?
YES I have so many (I have several playlists for him LMAO) but I’ll just pick one for this ask.
I’m cheating a little here because this is a whole section of the chorus but technically it’s one sentence so:
“Oh captain let’s make a deal, where we both say the things that we both really feel, I feel scared and I’m starting to sink, and I only sink deeper the deeper I think”
This is from a song called Ship in a Bottle by fin which is a song that I think fits Riku but also his story arc perfectly (so much so I’m half tempted to use the title as the AU name lmao). The captain part is a bit on the nose but I think this lyric really captures how Riku is feeling - he feels really helpless and powerless in his current situation and in this case I think that “captain” is actually Joker. Kinda like Riku is speaking to him saying “hey I need to be honest I am straight up not having a good time”.
TY for the ask eheh :3
#asks#houndfaker#riku kirijo#oc tag#i apologize for being a bit vague on the first one#hatanaka as a character has been bothering me for a while#gist of her character is: she's riku's temporary caretaker while he's in tokyo she works for the kirijo group and she has beef with them#<- i really want to expand on her more though so this could get altered#basically i dont think shes like. palace haver material yet if you get me#but anyway i hope what little i said makes some sense lmao#and yeah the song one!! i just randomly stumbled across that song on spotify and i loved it#it is so so riku core#theres another song off the album too called abandon ship (which is a follow up to ship in a bottle) and that also really fits riku too!#post palace arc riku :]#anyways ty for the ask quinn <3
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i have spent the past hour or so reorganizing my room. i have emptied several boxes
#Rasp Rambles#we’ve lived in this house for almost a year now and i’m finally putting stuff up. moving stuff out of boxes and into other places#or from one box to another for new temporary placement until i can find a better place for the stuff. all my yarn and other art stuff is in#a new box. my stuffed animals moved from a box into one of those mesh bags to hang in the corner of my room that is in a new box for more#room space. i’m hoping to maybe get a desk at some point so that i can start doing stuff at a desk instead of in bed or at the kitchen tabl#so i can have my own space for personal activities. maybe i can talk to my mom about getting one soon. someone remind me tomorrow at around#11am (EST) to try to talk to my mom about it. maybe a nightstand to put my small christmas tree on. maybe some shelves too#ultimately i just want a space in my room to hold previous crafts and a place to make new ones. a small lamp would be nice too tbh. was#supposed to have one but there’s like no room. maybe i could get one of those small desk ones that are typically battery powered i’m#assuming. or maybe they’re always like plugin ones. idk i’ve never owned one. my mom does though. i’m oversharing a lot. oh well.#i’m getting a little tried and my back is starting to hurt tbh. still got a lot of shit to get off my bed before i lay down unfortunately
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I’m a transman and I’ve been on testosterone for several years (although not always consistently) and I’ve never had any surgeries done. I was looking at tattoo ideas for a fic and I’m not gonna lie I kinda want an underboob tattoo. Like I feel like it’ll give me mad gender dysphoria but at the same time good LORD that’s so beautiful and I WANT
#I feel like anything that feminine will just make me really uncomfortable though in the long run#I don’t get dysphoric too much nowadays but that’s mostly because I look how I wanna look for the most part and know#what my triggers are and avoid them when I can but I don’t know about this one#maybe I should get a temporary tattoo and try that first?
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its not even 9pm why am i having the 9pm thoughts :(
#vent in tags#delete later#for sure. rule number one. never show weakness.#oooh nobody likes you and everyone is just keeping you around out of convenience#well no fucking shit. thanks for the news. got anything else brain?#i can't even keep irl friends what makes me think i can keep online ones too?#i'm unimportant in the grand scheme of things and always have been. i can provide a temporary joy but one day i'll fade away#because that's just what i do. i provide a temporary service in exchange for a little company and then i let people move on with their#lives. i'm unimportant and always will be.#i always feel alienated and alone. the world literally is not meant for me. i should be dead or something probably#even surrounded by people i so desperately want to call my friends i feel like i'm entirely alone... even the people i /do/ call friends...#well... they'll leave too someday. won't they? i don't deserve people around me after all.#i'm doomed to die alone anyhow... maybe one day i'll breed just for the sake of carrying on my name and then i'll fuck off and die#i doubt it though. i don't have a desire to have children... i'll just die alone and my branch of the family tree will end with me#i wanna get married but what're the chances of that? zero probably. who'd marry /me/?#even if all i want is someone to wake up next to... who'd ever give me that? i don't deserve it.#i'll stick to my fantasies. thanks. at least i have that.#some people yumeship for fun. i yumeship because i know nobody will ever want me.
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itchy tooth all day. constant runny nose & cough continuing on 5 days after I recovered from my cold. ears feeling plugged/high-pressure and popping (then getting replugged again) over the past week. haven’t heard things around me properly in days. I’m about to bite into someone
#literally have to keep tissues on hand constantly because my nose is like a dripping faucet ugh this is awfullll#the itchy tooth is definitely the worst though I hope it’s temporary and I don’t need a root canal#I stay so on top of brushing/flossing/dentists visits but 3 weeks ago I was eating dinner#and my bite suddenly felt REALY weird. like one of my lower teeth was way too high up#the next morning I bite into a croissant and feel something hard in my mouth and 🥰 the back wall of one of my premolars just. fell off.#had to wait a week to see the dentist bc she was closed for the holidays#looks at the tooth#ur mouth is so healthy no plaque no enamel at all but you had a huge filling done there probably like a decade ago#and bc you grind ur teeth in your sleep it just. fractured under the stress#me: oh. that was possible#dentist; yeah girl 😔#anyway I got the filling done on Monday and got fitted for a night guard too 😭👍 and an ortho referral. but now it’s ITCHY#it was fine the first two days and now it’s bothering me. I’ve felt a dying nerve before and it isn’t this so I’m hoping it’s just#irritation/body going 🚨 over what it thinks is a foreign body (because they basically redid the whole filling)#but ugfhhhh if I need a root canal….#it’s one of those buildups of so many annoyances that if ONE more thing slightly annoys me I might start crying LOL#I know none of this is really that bad but it’s adding up LMAO#YES ENAMEL I MEANT NO PLAQUE*** AM TIRED LSJSJSJS
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every time i see a real life picture of you i go “yeah, thats the guy that runs Solradguy. That Is Just What That Url Is”
LMAO thank you, I genuinely love that haha
#asks#Tbh this url was supposed to be like a temporary shitposty kinda thing because I saw it in a meme and liked it lol#But I animorphed into it and now I'm solradguy forever but that's ok rofl#Sometimes I lowkey worry that maybe people might read it as like a self declaration that I think I'm cool. Like as an inflated ego deal?#No one seems to read it like that though and I'm grateful because I can't ever change it now. I've used it for too many things haha
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Made an ikea run this afternoon. Got a shelving unit I've been wanting for a while, looked at some ideas for my partner's new home office, and made an impulse purchase of a tea pot and a pan. Most of the things we were considering are sold out but there's a few available for order that we might try and get, just have to do some measurements first before the final decision is made.
#it's finally happening#I'm finally getting the work area i was promised five years ago#even if it means i have to scream until it happens it's happening#i think all i really need now is one more cabinet and a chair and I'm good#smaller things like extra shelves for the closet and drawer inserts can wait until I'm ready to put stuff away#might have to look for a rug too if my partner decides they want my old green one that looks like a tatami mat#they need to make a decision on what shelf they want for the office and what other things they may need#then we can try and order and start making a dent on things#maybe next i can get more bookcases finally even though they're super expensive now#I'm tired of having to dig through boxes to find the book I'm looking for#i just want to feel like i belong in this house and not feel like a temporary guest
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my japanese teacher is moving back to japan in a few weeks and i’m so sad about it
#i like her a lot she’s so sweet and friendly#and i really respect her for having the courage to move all the way to australia even if it’s only temporary#like i’m too chickenshit to move to romania even though i was born there and have citizenship and family who are willing to have me#she moved to australia with none of those safeguards#granted she’s got about ten years on me but that’s still really brave i think she’s so cool for that#and she’s just so nice#she’s really chatty and i just never know what to say but even though i struggle to give her anything she still makes conversation with me#idk if she knows how much that means to me 😭#i told her i’d dropped out of uni bc i was struggling and she thanked me for continuing to take her class even though i was struggling#like who says that???? maybe i’m the weird one bc i swear that almost brought me to tears#she said i should hit her up if i ever come to japan 😭 maybe she was just being nice but don’t underestimate how much that can mean#mecore
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Another thing that’s happening is I keep getting really bad pain and sensitivity in my tooth where I just recently got a filling and I know the dentist will fix it for free (they pretty much fucked it up after all) but I so badly don’t want to go back there again
#is anyone keeping count? well i am. it’s barely been a month since my last visit#society has surpassed the need for me to be going to the dentist once a month. like genuinely#but this filling is FUCKED UP#i’ve seen the same dentist each time so to be honest what i think i’m gonna do is ask the receptionist if i can see someone else#like this man is perfectly nice but he’s so far given me a temporary filling that crumbled off in days#a permanent filling that was messing me up because it was way too big#and he filed it down but it didn’t really make it any more comfortable#i’m convinced there’s a gap at the gumline that no one is aware of but me#if they have to give me anaesthetic again i’m going to end up on the news though. good god i fucking hate it#it takes like 5 hours to wear off on me. doesn’t matter what i do#i try SO many remedies each time. ice; walking on my treadmill; massage; naps…#nothing but waiting out the 5 hours seems to help#last time i resorted to getting high so it wouldn’t bother me as much. it did help. might do it again#i’ve just become resigned to the fact that i AM going to have to go to the dentist again#for goodness’ sake. is it THAT hard to just adhere a filling to my tooth properly#personal
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"Home is a place!" "Home is a person!" No. Home is whatever the fuck I make home.
#inspired by one too many conversations about relationships#and parents#and having moved out#and not settling down#and you know#being aroace and sure as fuck not having a romantic partner in my future#bitch i decide what home is#and if i wanna call my shitty student apartment home that i know is only temporary then yeah#this bitch is home Because I Said So#Hell if i say my old car is home even though i don't like. live in it. then it is home!!#now shush and try to wrap your brain around a concept that doesnt involve your own current reality
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Had a pretty fun weekend. :)
#dadbots.txt#For some reason the days are going by so slow compared to previously when it was rapidly passing us by.#In the same season nonetheless. This year will be different and I truly mean that when I say it. But I didn’t expect it to feel so… slow.#I don’t know if I like that or it’s somewhat temporary and will go back to being a quick blur and suddenly we’re in July -#- but it’ll take time getting used to… again. Guess it’s a matter of waiting and going from there.#Though I did have fun this weekend and enjoyed it as we start off February. Something coming up will throw it off balance for me -#- unfortunately. February isn’t a good month for me and hasn’t been due to personal matters. But I’m willing to just let all of those#memories and embedded pain to just… move on. No longer touch me. Somewhere in the breeze and I’m moving past it. I do have additional help#- now. so that’s extremely helpful than doing it all on my own for who knows how long. Fingers crossed for a better outcome.#Went to an open mic poetry event and it was so good as a new visitor to the location. Many of ‘em were centered around their own identity -#- and personal expression and I found myself relating to a few. Definitely when it came to one of the poem’s#around one’s transsexual experience. It was so so lovely and truly made my night moving forward :).#My memory is god awful so names and all that goes in one ear - out the other. But I’m hoping some of the poet’s will be back again -#- by the time I visit for another show. It was a nice way of finding some inspiration overall and managed to record it too.#But it just resonated w/me considering that i’m in the process of obtaining T. No guarantees when or how long. But currently is in the -#- works of getting that situated and—praying—to be qualified for it. Whew. Might take a while though.#Other than that just been in a creative mood and binging yakuza lately. And did a mini personal reading as well.#- so it’s been pretty well. Needed a weekend like this and I can say that I’m looking forward to more good vibes all around. 🖤
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