#though I have eating issues now. I could fuck shit up as a child

[deityofhearts]

I didn’t ask my fam for money as a child but once for my birthday I asked my mom for a ham and she was like “yeah we can have ham for your birthday dinner” and I was like no. my own ham. I want my own personal ham for me only. she laughed at me and I didn’t get my own ham for myself only

[trippinsorrows]

with me + part twelve

authors note: you guys are seriously the nicest and most supportive. the comments always make me stupidly smile and laugh cause not a single one of ya'll is gonna let bdj die off. 😭 also, i know a couple of people have commented and asked about the backstory with joe and jadah, and i promise it'll be explored deeper. there's a subplot i'm working towards unveiling here, and it's nearing the reveal part, but we're not there yet! i promise, though, it's gonna be touched on!!!

i also had to chop this chapter in half, because it's honestly so much stuff, so the next update shouldn't take as long cause it's almost done.

the next two are gonna be so fun. maybe some shit will go down too. we shall see.

status: in progress // masterlist

warnings: fluff, language, some angst, suggestive themes

song inspo: with me by destiny’s child

words: 8k

taglist: @pixiedust4000 @yolobloggers @southerngirl41 @msbigredmachine @wanderingreigns

“So let me get this straight, in the time that I’ve been gone, you and Joe told Callie he’s her dad, you found out Amir and Mariah been fucking behind your back, and you had a semi mental breakdown after running into your father and, plot twist, long lost sister.” She counts each off with a finger, then asking. “Did I miss anything?”

Nodding, you take a scoop of your ice cream before adding, “Joe told me he loves me.”

In true Alexis fashion, she randomly arrived in town the night before, completely unaware of all that transpired in her absence. So, you take this time while Callie sleeps to catch her up. 

“Did I miss anything that I didn’t already know?” You give her a look, and she rolls her eyes, also eating some of her Rocky Road. “Come on, Y/N. Ray Charles could see that man is in love with you. You’re the one being stupid by not reciprocating.” Before you can push back against her, even if she isn’t entirely wrong, she switches topics. “Now when are we gonna go beat Lieriah’s ass? I told you it was something about that girl. She’s a snake.”

Typically the one to defend your friends, it’s hard to find it in you to come to Mariah’s aid. Nevermind the fact that she knows the shitty things Amir has done to you over the years, it’s the fact that she’s supposed to be your best friend but is messing around with same ain't shit ex? You would never do something like that to her, but maybe your loyalty to her has always been stronger than hers to you.

“I’m not worried about him or her. They’re not worth it.” That’s partially true, but the sting of betrayal is slow to pass and even slower to heal. You’ve always had mid to low expectations for Amir, but Mariah? That’s a crushing blow. “I have more important things to figure out.”

She studies you, leaning back against the headboard. “Your sister.”

“Bianca,” you correct. It’s too uncomfortable referring to her as such, even if that’s exactly what she is. 

In the weeks since the big fireworks show—both metaphorically and figuratively—you’ve tried to slowly return to your sense of normalcy. Focusing on Callie—who is an entirely different issue in and of itself that you really need to talk to your mom about—being more on top of things at work, and navigating your relationship with Joe.

He hasn’t been back to visit since Christmas, but you figured as such. Wrestlemania season has arrived, and you know better than anyone how crazy that time is, especially with him main eventing. 

But the one thing you haven’t really allowed yourself to think too much about is Bianca. You’d sent her a vague apology text a few days after your mad dash and explained that you were dealing with some things and just needed time to sort through them. That you’d reach back out when you were ready.

That still hasn’t happened, and it’s entirely intentional. 

“I remember you mentioned that you always wanted siblings?”

“Yeah, cause we have so much to bond over,” you mutter, bitterly.

“Well, you actually do have a lot in common. She’s a teacher, like you. She has a daughter, like you—” 

“You know what we don’t have in common?” You interrupt, feeling the agitation growing again. It’s not directed toward Alexis, just the situation in general. “A father who loves us.”

You were done referring to that man as your father. A father shows up. Like Joe. That son of a bitch isn’t even in the same universe as Joe. 

Her expression softens. You didn’t tell her everything, just enough for her to get the gist that he’s a piece of shit. And you definitely did not tell her about the time you went to see him. You’ve never told anyone that story. Joe is now the only one who knows, and you’d like to keep it that way. It’s just….it’s just too painful. “I had no idea that was the situation there…..I’m really sorry, girl.”

“It is what it is. I don’t need him.” And you’re not too sure if you need Bianca either. “I’m just trying to figure out if I should power through this for Callie’s sake. You should have seen how she and Taylor clicked. I would hate to take that away from her.”

“I get that,” she acknowledges. “You have to make the decision that’s best for the long run, not necessarily how you’re feeling right now.” That’s very easy to say and nearly impossible to do. “Even if you just allow the girls to interact while you keep some distance with Bianca.”

You’re partially intrigued, spooning some more cookie dough. “How would that work?”

“They don’t live here, right?” You nod. “Maybe the girls can talk on Facetime or even play some game on their tablets. That won’t cause you to interact much with mom outside of coordinating virtual playdates, and Callie still gets to spend time with her cousin, or, not cousin."

You sit on her words, not expecting to be as open to the idea as you are. It’s a pretty genius compromise. “You really do give some great advice sometimes, you know that?”

“That’s what I’m here for,” she smiles mischievously, and you just shake your head. “Now, who’s gonna knock this bitch Mariah over the head with a steel chair? Me or you? Or should we hit her with a bus, Regina George style?”

“Alexis!”

________

You clearly don’t love yourself because you decided to do both yours and Callie’s washday on the same damn day. A Sunday, at that. Meaning, you have no choice but to get it done because you have work the next day.

And Alexis being in town would be even more of a benefit than it already is if she actually knew how to do hair. Natural hair. She can lay any wig down better than Tae, but caring for coils and curls is another story. It’s why you declined her offer, and she lays knocked out in your bed, while Callie is fast asleep in hers. 

Thankfully, you have an insanely generous and sweet man who’s offered to talk to you while you power through this debacle, noodle arms, sleep deprivation, and all.

“Oh, before I forget again.” You grab the bottle of leave-in to apply more to the next section of hair. Shingling may give you the most definition, but it also gives you the most discomfort. “Can you be here May 8th?” A smile falls on your face. “Our baby is graduating preschool, and I know she’d want you there. I do too.”

“Shit, they have preschool graduations?” He seems genuinely taken back before answering. “But, of course I’ll be there.”

“I know. I used to think they were stupid, but now it’s my kid, so it’s the best thing ever. Her cap and gown should come some time in March, so I’m gonna have one of my old teammates who’s a photographer take professional photos of her.” It’s literally just preschool, but that’s still something she’s accomplished, and you want to commend the occasion the best you can. It’s been years since you’ve had professional photos of her taken anyway. Not since she was first born. “And yes, I’ll get extra for you.”

“How much—”

“Anyways, let me show you the tattoo.” Joe has already done so much, the least you can do is cover the photo costs. Even though you know him well enough to know he’ll find some way to contribute. Thankfully, the side of your hair that still needs to be shingled is clipped at the top of your head, so all you have to do is turn around and push down the thin strap of your shirt to reveal your latest ink. “He did an amazing job.”

“Shit, he did.” Joe’s agreement and approval somehow makes you even more satisfied with the outcome. Your Christmas gift to yourself was finally getting that Moana tattoo Callie has wanted to see on you since you told her you were getting one damn near a year ago. It’s on the back of your left shoulder, a black manta ray, some blue ocean-like coloring with one of your favorite lyrics from the movie: I will carry you here in my heart. You remind me, that come what may, I know the way. 

It’s one of Callie’s favorite songs but also feels like an ode to your grandma as well. 

He then asks, “do you want more?”

Readjusting your shirt and turning back around, you answer, “of course. More Disney but also….” This discussion triggers something for you, something that seems a little out there, but also maybe not. “I saw this tattoo on Pinterest that I want to get for Callie.” You grab your phone. “Let me send it to you.” It’s saved in your favorites folder and thus an easy send. Placing the phone back on the counter, you wait for him to receive and see it.

“I like it.” It’s a baby’s footprint with the name written in cursive and date of birth in print right underneath it. You’ve always wanted Callie’s name on you but couldn’t settle on a design until you came across that one. Something about it just resonates with you. 

Licking your lips, you suggest, “why don’t you get it with me?” Couples getting matching tattoos isn’t something you’re entirely against, you just don’t agree with it for people who are only dating and not married, if marriage is the goal. You remember when Amir once suggested you do so, and you literally laughed in his face. You’d soon rather get branded with a tramp stamp than have that man’s name permanently burned into your skin.

But, matching tattoos for the child you created together with the man you love. That is something you could get behind. 

And apparently so can he.

“Let’s do it.”

“Really?” You’re not sure why, but the ease of his agreement shocks you. It’s not too far-fetched when you think about it. He loves his daughter, and you’ve always known Joe to only get tattoos that have meaning. He could give you a detailed explanation for every piece of ink on his body. 

“Yeah.” There’s almost a sense of excitement in his voice, like he’s eager to have her name on him, to share this with you. “Same location?” At that, you make a face. He laughs. “Inner bicep does hurt, I’m not even gon’ lie to you.”

Yeah, you’ve definitely heard as such, and considering his entire right side is tatted, he’d know. “I don’t know. I have to think about it. I might need to squeeze your hand the whole time, or I’ll end up punching the tattooist.”

He laughs, “you can squeeze my hand.” Joe then asks, “when do you want to get em’ done?” You start to think about it logistically, as well as financially. Tattoos aren’t cheap. “Do you want to go to the Super Bowl?”

His question surprises you because it’s such a change in topics but also….what? “Yup. And Hawaii and Puerto Rico. And then maybe if we have time, stop by Alice in Wonderland.”

He’s too good at matching your sass, retorting, “I can make the first two happen easily. The last one may be a stretch.” Rolling your eyes, you grab for the gel. “I’m serious though. My tattoo artist is based out of Vegas. The game is in Vegas this year. It’ll let me see Callie too, cause I’m having a hard time finding a gap to visit.” As he continues to speak without laughing or chuckling, you realize he’s dead serious. “I’ve been meaning to ask you to go anyway but kept forgetting.”

You need extra clarification. “Like this year's Usher concert where there’s apparently a game too?”

He rolls his eyes, providing the guest list. “It’s me and the twins, their family, some other fam…..we have a whole section, cause you know it's a bunch of us.” It’s still hard to sit on the fact that this man really just invited you to the fucking Super Bowl like it’s dinner at Golden Coral. His eyes soften. “I wanna see her. I wanna see you.”

Joe’s closing statement, so true and vulnerable, is what breaks you from your temporary state of shock. You get the sense he misses ya’ll just as much as you miss him. “Of course, we’ll go. I’m sorry, I just—I wasn’t expecting that.” And it’s true, you weren’t. “How will we get fl—”

“Don’t worry about that. I’ll take care of everything. I just need you to show up at the airport.”

That seems to be such a recurring theme with this man. He does everything he can to make things as easy for you as possible. It’s tremendously appreciated and doesn’t go without notice. 

“This is the first time she’ll be meeting the twins,” you realize aloud. Hell, his family at all. 

Joe nods, chuckling. “Yeah, they’ve been on my ass about that anyway. They want to meet her.”

Pinning down the section you just finished, you take down the next. A little over halfway done now. “Whoever you want her to meet is fine with me, Joe. I don’t even really have a say in that. She has every right to meet your family just as much as she’s had to meet mine.”

And it’s true. Unless it could present some harm to Callie, you don’t really feel like you have the right to object to things like that. You have zero desire to interfere with Joe and Callie anymore than you already have. 

“I know. I just wanted to tell her the truth before introducing her to anyone else. Less lies.” Makes sense. Thinking about Callie meeting more family brings a small smile to your face. It’s what she deserves. Family members who actually want to be in her life.

The conversation brings something else to the forefront of your mind, partially due to Joe’s confession to you on Christmas but also a question you’ve wanted to ask him for much longer than you’d like to admit. 

“So….” This shouldn’t be as nerve wracking as it is. “There’s something I want to ask you, but I don’t…..I don’t want to overstep.” If he were to tell you that he’d rather you not, that’d be fine with you, one less stressful thing on your plate. But, of course, he’s silent, meaning he’s not going to object. So….you decide to bite the bullet and go for it. “What happened between you and your wife?”

You’re certain he wasn’t expecting that to be what you asked, but to your surprise, he answers. “We were young and got married for the wrong reason. I was 22. She was 21.”

Unsure but taking a big risk regardless, you ask in a small voice. “What was the reason?”

His answer isn’t what you’re expecting either. “She was pregnant.”

It takes a second for you to process what he’s saying. Your stomach is suddenly in knots, chest feeling tight. There’s no way he’s kept something like that from you. No way in hell. “Wait, does Callie have—”

“No.”

And just like that, you know. He doesn’t need to explain. It’s painfully obvious, especially as he looks away from the camera. You have a feeling you've unlocked a painful memory he’d most likely kept tucked away. 

“I’m sorry.” It feels so stupid and unhelpful to say. What does that do for him? It doesn’t take away that experience, that loss that you can’t even begin to imagine. But, it’s all you can offer. “Just—forget I asked, let’s change the subject.” Do you have more questions? Of course. Like, why was there such a gap between their loss and the divorce? But, this is understandably a difficult and sensitive subject, and the last thing you want to do is trigger him more than you already have.

You know better than anyone how awful that can be. 

He agrees with the subject change, going along with the transition of topics, clearly grateful for your understanding. But, in the back of your mind, you can’t help but think about the fact that this man lost his firs child before he could even meet the them, and the child he had who did survive was kept a secret from him for nearly five years.

There’s a sudden sickness and disgust you feel. And it’s not towards anyone but yourself. 

Joe had every goddamn right to be furious with you about your subterfuge.

He still does. ________

“Mama, something is up with Callie.”

You’re thankful Alexis agreed to keep Callie preoccupied in the living room while you have this conversation with your mom, because Callie had another incident just this morning, slamming her door when you told her she needed to pick up her toys.

She’s never done that.

But she has done other things in the past two weeks or so, rolling her eyes or pouting her mouth at you when you say something she doesn’t want to hear, beyond typical tantrums. 

Your mom stops her stirring at the pot to turn around and look at you. “What do you mean? Is she sick?”

“No,” you answer and then realize you’re not entirely sure how to explain it. She’s not being bad, per se. Just….difficult. “She’s just been…..off.”

Genuinely intrigued, and partially concerned, you watch your mom turn the fire on low as she joins you at the kitchen table. “Tell me.”

Shaking your head, you explain. “I thought it was just me, that I was just being overprotective and hyper-vigilant, but when I picked her up from preschool yesterday, her teacher pulled me to the side and asked me if she’s been having sleep problems. I told her no and asked why, and she told me Callie has been irritable. With staff and other kids.”

“Callie?” Your mom seems just as taken back as you were hearing these words. “That doesn’t even sound like her.”

“I know, and that’s what I said at first, but then I thought about it, and she’s been crabby with me too. It’s not horrible, but it’s unlike her.”

A small part of you wonders if it has something to do with you running off on her on Christmas. It would make sense. She was doing absolutely fine before then, but it’s the timing that throws that theory off. You’ve noticed this change only in the past two weeks, well after Christmas day passed, so why the delay?

“What does Joe think it is?”

“I haven’t told him.” It’s not that you don’t want to. You’d just like to have a better grasp of what it is before doing so. Have more actual information to provide him.

“He hasn’t seen the behavior for himself?”

You shake your head. “She’s fine with him. Matter of fact, after his calls, she’s like a completely different child.” It’s watching your mom’s face settle into a look of realization that makes you ask, “what? What is it?”

“Honey” she starts with a soft chuckle. “She’s missing her daddy.”

Her answer catches you by surprise, painting your face with confusion. You’ve had a lot of theories, but that definitely wasn’t one of them. “What?”

Reaching across the table, she places her hand over yours. “Think about it. How would she react if you were gone as much as he is? She’d be a mess, cause you’re her mama, and she has a strong attachment to you. Look how easily she attached and connected with Joe. It’s always been there. Except she knows the truth now, so her attachment is even stronger.” You heed to her explanation, wise and sensible. You hadn’t even thought of it that way. “And isn’t this the longest he’s been gone without her seeing him? She’s acting out because she misses him and probably doesn’t know how to verbalize it, so it shows in her behavior.”

As relieved as you are to have an explanation that makes sense, it’s an explanation that makes you incredibly sad for your sweet child. You know how hard it is for Joe to get away right now, you understand it. It never crossed you that she wouldn’t. 

Devastated, you ask, “what do I do?”

“Talk to her. Try to help her understand. It may not make a huge difference, but it’s something.”

You nod, so so grateful for her, for all that she does for you, for Callie. For all that she’s done. Reaching across the table, you hug her tightly. “thank you, mama.” As much as it devastated you to not have that man in your life, your mom made sure to go above and beyond to make sure you knew you were loved. She played both roles beautifully, and you’re not sure you’ll ever be able to make her understand what that meant to you. 

You still haven’t really sat her down and explained everything that happened Christmas night, nor has she asked, but you know it’s because she’s trying to respect your space. It’s appreciated, but you also know you’re gonna have to eventually tell her.

Just not now.

Right now, you’ve gotta take care of your baby.

________

Even the energy in Callie’s playroom feels off.

You’re so used to walking in and finding her with that million dollar smile that makes your entire day better. Instead, you walk in and she doesn’t even acknowledge your presence. She just continues to color. 

“Hey, baby….” Disappointed, but refusing to show as such, you welcome yourself in and approach her table. “Is it okay if I color with you?” 

She still doesn’t say anything, just nods, and you do your best not to hide your sadness. You hate seeing her this down, it’s so unfamiliar, and you’ll do just about anything to fix it. 

Sitting down in the uncomfortable seat, you take a couple of her pages and pull out a crayon. “I have an idea.” At that, she looks up, slightly intrigued. “Why don’t we draw how we’ve been feeling lately? I draw me, and you draw you.” 

You scold yourself for not selling it to her better, for not telling her it’s something you sometimes do with your students. Some level of innocent peer pressure. However, she surprises you by agreeing with a simple “okay.”

It takes a second for you to register that it was really that simple. Step one is done. Now for step two. 

Grabbing some crayons, you don’t really concern yourself with skin tone, just getting something out on paper. The two of you color in silence, and you start to offer to put on her favorite playlist but decide against it. 

You want her to really think about what you’re asking. 

It’s when you see that she’s placed down her crayon and is just staring at her picture that you ask, “you done?” She shakes her head, but her eyes are on the table in front of her. “Is it okay if mommy sees it? I’ll show you mine too.”

Handing you the page, you expect an influx of emotions, but actually seeing her literal representation of how she feels is simply heartbreaking. 

She’s drawn herself, frowning, surrounded by broken hearts and a blue tear leaking from her eye. Callie did what you asked. You just wish it didn’t have you feeling so helpless.

“This means you’ve been feeling sad, huh?” You hate how your voice gives away your emotions. This is about her, not you, but it’s so difficult for you to not be impacted. No mother wants to see her child hurting, and Callie currently is. It kills you. “Callie….” Moving up from your chair, you move across to kneel in front of her, taking her hands in yours. “Have you been sad because you miss your dad?”

All you need to hear is one sniffle, and instantly, you’re reaching for her, holding and comforting her.

“It’s okay,” you soothe, kissing the top of her head. “It’s okay, baby.” She cries into your chest, and you have to hold back your own tears.

“Why doesn't he come back?” She asks in between tears, wiping her eyes. “He’s been gone a really long time.” It’s only then you realize that she’s not entirely exaggerating. Joe was last here for Christmas. It’s now the end of January. For a child like Callie, that must feel like an eternity.

“He would if he could, Callie. I promise you he would. Daddy just…he gets really busy with his job this time of the year, and he can’t leave or he’ll get in trouble.” It’s so difficult to explain this to her. WrestleMania season is inarguably chaotic and stupidly busy. Even back in the day, Joe’s trips to see you were most far and few in between during this time of year. And that was before he even had a title. You can’t even imagine how busy he must be as the literal fucking face of the company.

Enough to keep him from being able to come see you and Callie. 

You’ve just gotten so used to the dynamics of him being away for periods at a time that it never occurred to you Callie hasn’t had the same experience. That at the end of the day she’s still a little kid who just wants to be with her dad. 

It’s then that a thought crosses your mind.

“What if…..what if we went to see daddy?” For the first time since you stepped into the room, her eyes actually light up and you notice her tears lessening. “Instead of him coming to us, we go see him?”

“Really?” There’s the faintest smile on her face, and you know then that you’re going to make this happen. You don’t know how or in what way, but it will be a reality. No matter what it takes. 

“Yeah,” you answer, brushing away some of her tears. “You can go see him at his show. He’d love that.” Not as much as she clearly loves the idea alone. “Now, we’d only be able to stay a day or maybe two but—”

“Please,” she interrupts, and you get the sense that she fears you’re going to find a way to say that you couldn’t or shouldn’t go. “I’ll be a good girl. I promise.”

“Baby, you’re already the best girl.” You push back some of her hair, resting your hand against her cheek. “Mama’s gonna make it happen, okay? I promise.”

If you have to sell one of your kidneys, then you’ll just be less one organ, because you’re getting your baby to that damn show. Matter of fact, you don’t say anything to her, but you’re wondering if you can make it to this week’s upcoming show. It’s only Sunday, and that gives you a couple of days to make arrangements and secure tickets. It’s doable, but you don’t want to get her hopes up, so just in case, you say nothing.

And yes, in the back of your mind, you know she’ll see Joe in a couple of weeks for the game, but that’s too long. Your child is hurting. You need to do something now. She can’t wait that long. 

“Thank you, mommy!” She wraps her little arms around you, and just like that, you see the spark and joy that fills your days with light and laughter. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, baby.” Kissing her temple, you release her, realizing something else. “Now we can't tell your daddy because we’re gonna surprise him, okay? Can you do that for me?”

She nods, happily, unaware of the real reason. You know that you can’t tell Joe about this. Well, not now at least. This is not something to be discussed over the phone or even video chat. And if you tell him you want to take her to see him as soon as possible, he’ll know something is up. 

So, you have to move in silence. 

Coloring with Callie commences for a little longer as you value and cherish your time with her, but as soon as she’s down for her nap and before you wake Alexis from hers to tell her the news, you need to do something. It’s in that time bonding with her you realized how you’re going to make this happen.

You’re suddenly immensely grateful for that random conversation you’d had with Joe a while back regarding the fact that he and the twins have had the same phone number since they were in high school.

Pulling out your phone, you scroll through your contacts until you land on the one you need. You type, backspace, and type some more, only sending out the text once you’re fully pleased with it.

You: Hey, Jon. This is Y/N. Can you call me when you get a chance? Preferably sooner rather than later. I need your help with something. And please don’t tell Joe. It’s a surprise. 

________

God clearly wants you to bring Callie to see Joe. 

There’s just too many things that have lined up perfectly for that not to be the case. The discussion with your principal went well, though that wasn’t entirely surprising. You’ve always had a cordial relationship and know she respected your grandma. The whole school system in your town did. That was just her level of impact. But that respect has slid down to work in your favor as your principal told you to take as much time as you need.

“You’ll always have a job here.”

While not a huge concern, it’s reassuring and not entirely unsurprising. Again, your grandma’s impact definitely granted you a level of nepotism. You were slightly surprised when she actually encouraged you to take more time off, pointing out how in the almost nine years you’ve worked there, she could count on one hand how much PTO or vacation time you’ve used. And, it’s true. It was really only when Callie was sick and your mom couldn't help or you wanted to stay home and nurse her back to health that you called out. For the most part, you had damn near perfect attendance.

But, that’s certainly about to change, and you’re thankful you have a job that’s flexible enough to accommodate the change. 

And then there’s the actual getting there. You should have known when Alexis was asking questions about when you and Callie were leaving that she was up to something. You naively chalked it up to her planning her flight out, as there was no way you expected her to wait around for ya’ll to get back. Instead, she was busy buying not just her ticket to come with ya’ll but yours and Callie’s as well.

You instantly felt bad when she forwarded you the itinerary information. You couldn’t see the cost, but you weren’t stupid either. Getting flights out with such short notice had to be expensive as all outdoors. You were just going to put the bill on your credit card and work to pay it off. And, of course, when you offered to pay her back, she nearly cussed you out. As if such an offer was insulting. 

“What good is a trust fund if you can’t spend it on your college roomie and pretend godchild?”

So, while you still felt slightly uncomfortable, you were able to push it to the backburner for the sake of Callie. This is all for her, and you don’t care what it takes to make it happen. Even if it means sucking up your pride. 

And deep down, you know if Alexis didn’t do what she did, Joe would somehow find a way to compensate you. The same way his ass somehow got his card on file at the hospital and covered all of Callie’s medical bills without ever even asking you if you needed help.

You still haven’t talked to him about that, not really having or finding the right time, but it also feels a bit bitchy and ungrateful to be upset with the man for covering his daughter’s medical expenses. 

Then there’s the actual show itself. One thing you were initially concerned about was if Joe has a match lined up for this upcoming week’s show. You two have only had a couple of discussions about it but still enough for you to learn that he’s extremely hesitant to expose Callie to his wrestling persona. 

“I don’t want her seeing me like that, thinking that’s who I am.”

And you understand him fully. Roman may be a fascinating character, but he’s equally narcissistic and ruthless as he is intriguing. The complete opposite of Joe and who he is. 

Still, you’ve worked to help him understand that talking to Callie, explaining to her that he’s playing a “character” could help her understand better. You both are in agreement that she’s too young to watch actual matches, especially his as they tend to get brutal, but she can see certain promos. And she does. You let her watch a couple where the dialogue is safe enough to go over her head. And truth be told, she’s so focused on watching Joe that she's not really paying attention to what’s being said anyway. 

Needless to say, you were massively relieved to hear from Jon that Joe doesn't have a match lined up and his promo is reportedly tame and safe enough for Callie’s eyes and ears. He didn’t give specifics, but from one parent to another parent, you trust his judgment. 

And the most important thing of all is the fact that Callie has done a complete 180. She’s no longer as irritable, just the usual attitude when she’s sleepy or hungry. Just like her mama. And there’s that spark of joy in her eyes. She’s even started packing what she wants to bring with her. She knows you’ll only be there for one night, but even that can’t seem to dim her joy. 

It makes your heart swell. 

All of this brings you to your conclusion that you’re doing exactly what you should be doing. 

“Ahhh, and here it is.” The old woman’s voice breaks you from your inner dialogue as she walks toward the counter, returning from the back. “Sorry about that sweetheart.”

“No worries, Mrs. Ella.” Your eyes light when you see the item in her hand, even if it’s covered by a cloth bag. The fact that it’s ready is more than enough to make you smile. “Thank you so much for agreeing to this.”

She waves off your concern, offering a warm smile. “Your grandma was one of my best friends. As far as I’m concerned, anything you need is a done deal.”

That warms your heart. Mrs. Ella has been the town seamstress for longer than you’ve been alive but doesn’t look a day over 50. She’s not lying either. Your grandma always cited her as one of her “life” sisters. 

“Why don’t we take a look to make sure it’s alright?” She offers, removing the item from the garment bag. She takes the hoodie and turns it over so you can see the back.

In awe, you acknowledge, “it’s perfect.”

Among the many things Joe has gifted Callie, WWE apparel hasn’t really been included in that list. You’ve chalked it up to his hesitation about familiarizing her with his Roman persona. However, you know that girl loves her daddy and will support him in all the things, so you took it upon yourself to pick her up a few items over the holidays. One of those things being a black hoodie with Roman’s picture on the front with him wearing one of his head of the table shirts. Wanting to make it special and personal, you had the idea of customizing it. Thus, asking Mrs. Ella to add to the back, Acknowledge my daddy!, and she did a fabulous job. It looks like that was the original design. 

Pulling out your wallet, you ask, “how much do I owe you?”

“It’s on the house.”

Your eyes snap to her. “Mrs. Ella, no, this was a rush—”

“Don’t argue with your elders, child,” she scolds, and you smile warmly. “Just show me a picture of her wearing it, and we’ll be even.”

Moved by her generosity, you offer your gratitude again. “Thank you, Mrs. Ella. Seriously. Thank you.” 

Hand over yours, she just nods and then ushers you out the door, “well, you better get a move on child.” 

With a small laugh and one more thank you, you leave out with the hoodie, excited to show Callie and even more, to see Joe’s reaction when he sees her wearing it.

“Y/N?”

Fuck. You’d know that voice anywhere, have known it since you were five years old. 

That doesn’t mean you have to heed to it.

You keep walking. 

A stupid decision, because the footsteps behind you become louder and faster as she asks, exasperated, “would you just talk to me?”

You spin around, suddenly pissed at her repeated question. “Why? Why should I talk to you?” 

You’ve dodged and ignored her texts the same way she did yours, so what’s the issue now? Being on the receiving end must be one hell of an unpleasant experience for her. Not that you give two shits. Mariah is the last thing on your plate right now.

Mariah seems taken back, and that just pisses you off more. How can she not see her wrong in this situation? “You’re my best friend, Y/N. We’ve been friends since we were in kindergarten. Does that mean nothing to you?”

“Did it mean something to you when you were fucking Amir?”

Something you can’t identify flashes in her eyes followed by apparent hurt. “Are you serious right now? You’d really believe him over me.” It’s hard to tell how sincere her watery eyes are or if they’re performative. You’ve never known her to be fake, but then again, maybe you’ve never really known her at all. “That’s fucked up.”

Finding some level of compassion and understanding for the woman you called your best friend for almost your entire life, you try to offer her the benefit of the doubt. “Okay, let’s say you’re not fucking him. At the very least, you’ve been telling him my business while ignoring my texts and calls. Like, what the fuck, Mo?” 

She shakes her head. “He came to me, worried about you—”

“He came to you nosy and upset because I cut it off with him, and you fell into his trap.” How she can possibly fall for Amir’s bullshit is beyond you. She knows how he is. Hell, she’s been right beside you, up until recent weeks/months, dealing with his bullshit. So, her excuse is just that—an excuse. “And even if he was, as my best friend, you should know that’s still girl code violation.”

It feels almost silly citing that, but the morals behind it still ring true. You would never talk to Caleb about things going on in her life when you know they’re not on good terms. And you damn sure would never fuck him. 

“Girl code?That’s funny coming from you, because you didn’t seem to to care about girl code when you were fucking another woman’s husband and had a whole ass baby for him.”

Her words stop you dead in your tracks. Any facial expression you may have been showing is dropped and neutral. Even your voice is softer, less accusatory. “Excuse me?” 

For her to say that to you, knowing how sensitive a subject that is truly takes you by surprise. Truly. 

It doesn’t stop there though. “I mean, forreal, Y/N. You’re up in my face about Amir, but aren’t you still fucking Joe? Shit, how many niggas do you need?” It’s hard to believe the words coming out her mouth, so angry and hostile. But, even her volume rising has you stumped. It’s like she wants to draw an audience. “It’s not enough to be one man’s whore, but you still gotta have another on the side?”

Truly baffled, all you can ask is, “where is this coming from?” 

She sucks her teeth, just as irritated, if not more by your question. “It’s always been this shit with you. You do whatever the fuck you want and don’t care who you hurt or betray in the process!”

And now you’re just straight up confused, because what have you ever done to her? Cause that’s what it sounds like she’s implying. Like you’ve done her wrong. Like you’ve been doing her wrong. “What are you even talking about?”

“You got Joe. You got Amir. Shit, when is enough enough for you?” She scoffs, and it’s hard for you to even look at her let alone listen to all the hurtful things she’s spewing. “Like damn, find a new hobby. Focus on raising your kid—”

And that…..that is the moment that you’re no longer confused, or hurt, or saddened to hear your best friend say such awful things. You’re pissed. Cause one thing no one can convince you you’re not, is a good mother. You’ve dedicated your entire life and being to taking care of Callie, making sure she’s straight. That’s always been your priority, and for her to suggest otherwise….those are really fighting words. 

You step toward her, finding all of the will in the world not to shatter her jaw. “You and I have so much history. It is the only reason I’m not whooping your ass right now, but know this, Mariah. This was your freebie. Fuck with me again, speak on my child again, and I’ll bash your fucking head into the nearest wall.” It’s not a threat. It’s a promise. “Stay away from me, bitch.”

You don’t give her time to respond or even yourself the chance to lay her out, you instead rush to your car, locking the door and speeding out of the parking lot. 

Your knuckles are nearly white with how tightly you’re gripping the steering wheel.

It’s been a while since you’ve been this hot. Years maybe. Amir would piss you off, sure, but never to the extent of your emotions in this moment. It truly took all resolve and imagining Callie’s disappointed face at not being able to see her dad  because you got yourself locked up for aggravated assault to keep you from beating Mariah’s ass. She knows better than anyone that you don’t play about your daughter, so for her to include Callie in her mud slinging is not only repugnant but hurtful.

She’s supposed to be Callie’s godmother. 

But beyond that, you’re having a hard time reconciling with the rest of the things she was saying. It didn’t feel like something that’s been building up over the past few months. No, this was different. Much…..deeper.

Regardless, you don’t have time to deal with this shit. You need to put your focus on preparing to bring your little girl to see her dad. 

Mariah can fuck off. 

She’s always been all bark and no bite anyway. 

________

“Mommy.”

Callie doesn’t even have to say anything else for you to know a request is to follow. 

“What's up, sis?”

She climbs on top of where you lay on the sofa, you and Alexis watching some random dating show she swears up and down is the best thing since Love is Blind. So far, you’re entirely unimpressed. Granted, reality shows of any kind have never been your cup of tea in the first place. 

Your YouTube history is mostly crime documentaries and Bloodline videos. 

She climbs on top of you, throwing her arms up and shouting, “dance party!”

Of all her typical requests, that’s one you haven’t heard in a while. 

You’ve always raised Callie with music, even back when you were pregnant, you would take your Beats and place them on your belly. It’s seemingly worked because this child loves music, so much so that you two would have random “dance party’s” where you’d blast music and dance around, no care in the world, just the two of you.

You haven’t had one in a while, but seeing Callie so happy, a stark contrast from how she’s been is more than enough to get you up and on your feet. You look over at Alexis. “Come on, Lex, it’s dance party time.” 

She feigns a gasp, looking at Callie for approval. “Do I get to come to this party?”

Callie giggles and jumps on the sofa. “Of course! Everyone can come to dance party!”

What’s also ironically funny is the fact that you and Alexis used to have dance parties all the time in your dorm, just often with much more explicit Travis Porter, Speaker Knockerz, type music and a lot of ass shaking.

“Well tonight, it’s just the three of us,” you laugh, grabbing your phone and opening your Spotify to figure out what will be your kickoff song. It’s when your eyes land on that one though, you know you’ve found it.

Connecting your phone to your Bluetooth, you confirm the connection and hit play. 

We're a thousand miles from comfort, we have traveled land and sea

But as long as you are with me, there's no place I'd rather be

“My favorite white girl song ever!” Alexis shouts, starting to dance with Callie who’s just as excited about your selection. Together, the three of you dance and sing when the iconic chorus hits. 

If you gave me a chance I would take it

It's a shot in the dark but I'll make it

Know with all of your heart, you can't shake me

When I am with you, there's no place I'd rather be

At some point, Alexis grabs your phone, recording and capturing the laughter and joy you experience dancing and being silly with your very, very best friend. Callie’s laughter could revive any soul, and it’s so genuine. Even more, you know a large chunk of it is her excitement to see her dad in a couple of days.

And that makes it all the more special. 

Eventually needing a break and time to catch your breath, you laugh as the song ends and the next one starts. Lex and Callie immediately go at it for round two, spinning around and dancing to Dance the Night. 

You take a second to check your phone, seeing that you have a Snapchat from Joe. Frowning, you open the message confused as to why he’s using that and not just text. He only has the damn app because you made him get it. He’s not very big on social media outside of occasional Instagram posts. 

Swiping it open, you see why he was messaging you on there.

Because your wonderful best friend sent him the video she recorded of the three of you dancing.

Joe: How do I save this?

Joe: Fuck it. It’s too confusing. Just send it to me.

Laughing, you chew on your bottom lip and type out a reply.

You: You’re such an old man. 😩 

You: But yes, I’ll send it, even if I didn’t know Alexis was recording to send it to you...

You: Callie loves “dance parties” lol 

Joe: I love her laugh. She looks so happy…

You: I know. ❤️ She loves music. Def my kid.

You: Skillet is next on the queue, btw. 🙃

Joe: Don’t know what that is, but if I had to take a guess, it’s some rock shit.

You: You know me so well. 😊

Joe: Of course, baby.

Leaving his thread, you realize that if she sent it to Joe, she probably posted it to your private story as well, which is fine. You only have people on there you know and trust to keep the contents within that space.

But, it’s in checking the views that you see Mariah not only watched but screen recorded your story. It’s strange, normally you wouldn’t think twice about it. She’s always screenshotted and screen recorded stuff you posted, and you did the same with Micah. 

But now…..

Now, it feels wrong to share these moments with her. She’s lost that privilege. 

Moving to your contacts, you ignore her old Snapchat name she never uses anymore and instead just block her primary one from seeing your stories, and that includes close friends. And interestingly enough, when you check your texts, you see one from her muted thread that momentarily causes you to pause.

Mariah: Kinda stupid to ice out the one person who knows everything about you. 

But the pause comes and goes, Mariah always says shit, and that’s where it stops, the saying. She’s always been the mouse of you two, and that shit ain’t changed.

Closing up the app, you switch back to Spotify and focus on what’s before you and not behind you.

You have all the people you need in your life. 

Mariah can fuck off.

[babyspacekwid]

Astrology Observations and Advice ✨ (TW talks of ED)

From a non professional astrologer who has no idea wtf she’s posting half the time 💕

Chiron 4th house in Capricorn, Your dad may be very hard on you, like a perfectionist dad. Could have also been abusive. Could be the type to comment on your shortcomings. Remember that you are enough as it is, don’t be so hard on yourself, treat yourself as you would a friend. With compassion and kindness. Its okay to make mistakes in life. It’s common to have daddy issues with this placement, so try not to let that affect your love life, this is a personal placement of mine😜 rlly into toxic men, but they ain’t good for me, so let us be aware of that. Don’t take life too seriously, do the serious shit without being too serious about it. Idk if that makes sense but for example, let’s say u got a math test, do the math test seriously, like study and shit but don’t let the stress of it consume you because it rlly ain’t that serious.

Aries moon, especially men y’all’s temper is unregulated af. Ive seen y’all snap at stuff that energy shouldn’t be wasted on, y’all are one of the most emotionally reactive signs I have ever met. Like a ticking time bomb. This moon sign might have experienced a mother figure that was harsh and emotionally neglectful. Very hard on you, wasn’t that nurturing when raising you. The type of mom to tell you to get up and wipe the dust off when you fall and scrape your knee as a kid. y’all gotta delve into those emotions in a healthier manner. Therapy and journaling could be very beneficial. Go to one of those rage rooms where ppl break shit, I feel like y’all would go all out. There��s definitely some pent up anger. This goes for Scorpio moons too, y’all is more internal though, got some deep dark thoughts and intense internal feelings that could easily overwhelm which is why downtime is needed.

Speaking of some Scorpio moons I have met, don’t let your trust issues fuck things up. This a hard placement, y’all feel things so deeply, but just cause one person backstabbed you don’t mean everyone will. Open up to people, trial and error and you’ll find that person. Obviously set boundaries and don’t just trauma dump on everyone you meet, but don’t build an invisible wall as soon as you meet someone. Not everyone is out to get you.

(TW) Taurus risings I’ve met have dealt with some type of eating disorder. Could have had family members or people comment on their weight as a child or just got rlly influenced by the negative parts of social media. Every taurus rising I’ve met has dealt with body issues, y’all are actually so beautiful though, and I’m sorry you don’t hear it often,no matter the size. You guys are also so photogenic, like maybe I’m just the type of person that sees human beings as cute in general but istg y’all could be making the ugliest of faces and I’d still think it’s charming 😭 my best advice would be to stop comparing yourselves, and to learn unconditional love towards your body at every stage it’s at. We’re gonna be 60 and wrinkly anyways, might as well enjoy what it can do for you now!

I have this friend who’s a Capricorn sun and moon, and as a Gemini sun and moon myself I feel so similar to her in like every aspect. Idk if it’s because we’re both born on a new moon, but anyways, this girl needs to learn to open up😭 like hun I wanna be your shoulder to cry on, don’t get me wrong she will vent, and spill the tea, but when the waterworks come out she’d rather isolate. I’m just like naurrrrrr, come back. I might not be comfortable with tears and shit but il awkwardly pat your back and listen to you. Either way y’all don’t be afraid to be vulnerable, you aren’t a burden and you can’t deal with it yourself. Stop trynna convince yourself that you can. Humans are social creatures and our primal instinct is to receive and give love. M

ANYWHOOOO y’all I rlly ain’t that knowledgeable about this shit, I’m rlly going off my friend’s placements (and mine). I am studying astrology tho so maybe one day 🤠 but I got the memory of a goldfish so it might take a while, I appreciate everyone who’s been liking my posts though THANK YOU💕💕💕💕

[vividachromatic]

Meant To Stay The Worst - Pt. 5

Alastor x reader

Marriage ♡

Tags: ongoing, marriage, confessions / proposals, manipulation and toxic relationships, canon typical violence and language

((<- Pt. 4 - Pt. 6 ->))

*

After being together for about 8 months in total, the two of you started seriously planning your wedding together.

While things weren't going well in the world right now, it only brought the two of you even closer.

Alastor and you had been planning your future home together for quite some time now. While the complicated things... like electricity or heating systems were left to Alastor and your father, you spent much more time with Alastor's mother and even his friend Mimzy.

Alastor's mother in particular was extremely happy for you and her son and always invited you to excitedly talk about Alastor's childhood and showed you a few photographs of him as a child. You could tell that she already loved you really much and saw you as part of the family. Which was further proven with how she insisted you call her 'mother'.

What you appreciated the most though, was that you had much more time to spend on your art and thoughts, and for the first time in your life you weren't put down for it. In fact, Alastor genuinely made an effort to let you know how much he appreciated your mind, art and the way you think quite often.

He even talked about you and why he likes your art on his radio show.

You were plannig to have a small radio station for Alastor on your future property, too.

While he was obviously not perfect: he definitely had some fucked-up morals at the very least; you were almost completely sure of his loyalty towards you at this point, despite your trust issues.

He never gave you any reason to think he'd even look at another woman or man in a weird way. In fact, he even went out of his way to express his extreme dislike towards cheating and betrayal.

(He once recommended a book to you where the husband cheats on his wife and she murders him, cooks him and eats him in response-)

While you never planned to; you were extremely sure that if you were ever to make the mistake of betraying Alastor in that way, you would definitely not survive it. Obviously this would be an extremely red flag in like... every situation.

But since you never did plan on betraying him and you were sure of his loyalty because of it, you digressed

The two of you had an unspoken understanding between each other: one that would be seen as problematic by almost anyone else.

You supported each other in everything.

------------------

"Y/N, my love..." You looked into Alastor's eyes, who recited his wedding vows to you.

Your heart was beating louder and faster than it ever has and you tried holding back tears to not look like a pussy or ruin your fucking make-up (it was very expensive).

And Alastor looked at you with pure love in his eyes. Which touched you to your core, since even when it was just the two of you he had a hard time letting his mask slip completely. But now it did.

"I love you. And I'm beyond grateful, to have you in my life and to have you want me in yours. So thank you, for giving your heart to me. I promise I will treat it like the most precious thing I have ever received. And I promise I will spend my entire life to protect you and make you the happiest woman in the world. I love you. So thank you for choosing me, being with me, and taking my last name."

You tried blinking away your tears and cleared your throat, so your voice wouldn't break.

"Alastor, I... I love you. More than I ever thought I was capable to love anyone-" You paused for a second, suddenly forgetting the lines you prepared and your heart started beating even faster - you thought you were actually going into cardiac arrest for a moment.

"I- I.... I'll-" you gritted your teeth and cleared your throat again.

Okay, get your fucking shit together now, Y/N.

"I will always stay with you. Through life and death. And I promise I will always be by your side. Through health and sickness; even if the whole world was against you." You managed to somewhat stutter out the rest of your speech.

And eventhough you fucked up, Alastor seemed to be geniunely touched by your words and gently moved his hand to hold your cheek.

The officiant probably told Alastor he can kiss you now, but you weren’t completely sure - it was like there was only static in your head, sending you on the verge of passing out.

You only regained the full awareness of your surroundings again, when you felt Alastor press his lips on to yours while the audience in your wedding cheered.

Even your family was there and you had to admit, that even when most of them were assholes and didn't care about you, they at least knew how to behave in a social setting.

Your offical wedding went better than you thought it would, your father led you to 'give you away' to Alastor and also held a speech later on.

(Your brother did too, but it was way more embarrassing since he insisted on bringing up embarrassing childhood memories and mentioning how he thought you'd die alone over and over again.)

When the official ceremony was over you held an after party with only your closest friends and Alastor's mother.

That part of the day was even more enjoyable than the first one. With a lot of music and dancing and only your closest friends giving you heartfelt words and gifts.

On the wedding night both of you treated each other patiently and lovingly.

...

During your marriage you tried the houswife / cooking and cleaning part as best as you could.

Though the cooking part went badly most of the time and Alastor ended up cooking dinner anyway...

(Though you did pride yourself on the fact that eventhough you couldn't cook very well, you could make good sandwiches. And Alastor was at least polite enough to pretend like that was at least somewhat comparable. )

The cleaning part went a little better. Although you did tend to hyperfixate on certain parts and neglect others from time to time...

All in all both of you had a very happy marriage. You loved each other. Even after the 'honeymoon phase'.

You always had enough money and supported each other's hobbies, while following your own.

Your own drawings and writings changed to be of or inspired by Alastor. Which was something he noticed (because he sniffed around your stuff), although he never mentioned it to you. And it did inflate his ego even more than it already was.

At the same time you knew, that his 'hunting trips' weren't for hunting animals, at least 9 out of 10 times.

But you were already sure of that before you even married him.

And since his radio studio was right next to your house right now, you could spend most of your time together.

You knew when he was going out to kill someone.

In fact you sometimes almost casually, although subtly, chatted about it with each other.

Talking about another bad person who would be better off dead. And the next day they were.

You liked this way more than you should. And Alastor obviously did too, since a lot of your most passionate nights ignited right after one of his 'hunting trips'.

You watched him clean off blood when he came back and helped him doing so more than once.

Alastor also made a great deal out of showing you actual self-defense and teaching you how to shoot, in case he wasn't there.

After a couple of years, you talked about expanding your family and even trying for a child.

Until one day the police knocked on your door.

____________________________________________________

Tag list:

@cryptidghostgirl @adeadreader @yourdoorisunlocked @spirit-of-the-hollow @droopingdatura @reikamasama @over-the-little-blue-house @wonderlandangelsposts @mysterypotatoink

(♡♡ thanks sm for your support! Tell me if you want to be added or removed)

A/N: Thank you for reading :D

Next chapter will be here soon and angsty.

Btw, I think this should be obvious, but I still wanna say that actually marrying someone in these circumstances would be quite stupid. This is like the perfect set up for an abusive relationship. But! This is fictional, so I'm writing this in a way it just works out for the two of them.

+ my girls, my boys, my nonbinary friends!! If you want me to actually write out the smut pls tell me if u actually want that. Bc I can, but I'm not sure if ppl actually want that. So comment pls (or write anonymously in my inbox) I'm just gonna do whatever I wanna do otherwise obviously, but I'd like to hear feedback anyways lol.

(On this note: thanks to 🍷 anon for your message :D I appreciate it. I'm just not answering publicly to avoid spoilers in case I'm using one of your suggestions(: )

Also this is obv to 90% an Oc/self-insert, so don't kill me if it's not 100% neutral, just change it in your head or don't read idk.

[magpiemoon6]

Extraction point

Simon Riley x Y/N

Sad fluff !!!

Warnings: PTSD, depression, mental health issues

( I'm sorry if there is any writing mistakes I'll fix them tomorrow)

Reminder people, you are loved and deserve happiness always <3

A thousand tones feel like it’s on my chest, I cannot breathe. Like the world has chosen this exact moment to swallow me up in my pain and stress. My mind betrays me and falls in its own trap of self-doubt. I’m so far behind where I’m meant to be and the guilt of not living up to my own expectations for my inner child is eating me up. And in this moment every single mistake or failure seems to pile up in my head. I’m drowning even though I’m on land.

But he seems to be a light in my darkness, I need Simon, and before the guilt stops me, I reach for my phone under the pile of covers and duvets. Searching through the stuffy warmth till my hand claps the cold object. Pulling it to my chest, my eyes are swollen from crying and my nose is entirely blocked from my crying till my vision goes blurry.

I search for his name in my phone, I just want to hear his phone, the warmth of his voice is like a drug and the euphoria should shield me from my pit.

Si <3

“Hey, are you free a second? If not no worries x”

I feel so wrong for relying on him, but I promised Simon, that if it gets bad, we won’t shut each other out not again. That we can be each other’s extraction point.

Buzzing snaps me out of my brain unravelling in my hands. He’s calling and my heart drops because if he hears I’ve been crying he will come running and I can’t do that to him. Clearing my throat, I click to answer.

“Hello lovie” Simon says, and it feels like the flood gates are getting harder to hold shut, I just want him here and I’m so fucking selfish for that.

“Hey baby, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have texted you” I respond, I don’t want him to panic so I’m praying that my voice sounds calm, and my breathing is even enough he won’t realise.

“What happened? Tell me please y/n? I’m here” I can hear the anxiousness in his voice creep in, shit he knows and when he says that everything in me that was protecting him from my pain breaks from his kindness.

I’m crying again silent tears and my breathing stops trying helplessly to hold it in.

“I’m fine, I’m fine Simon, it’s stupid I’m sorry for disturbing you. I’m a big girl I just needed to hear your voice,” my voice is breaking as I say it, my grip on my phone is too tight. I need to let go. But I cant.

“Y/n?” the softness in his tone is so different from his voice yet hearing him say my name gives me more comfort than the dozens of duvets on top of me.

“Yes Simon?” I need to get control of my sadness, it kills me knowing he has to hear me like this.

“It’s going to be okay love” and that makes me sob harder, holding the phone away from myself so he is saved from my pain.

“Okay, thank you. Bye Si” and that’s all I can say because if I say anything else it will involve me pathetically asking him over and he deserves better than the mess I am in this moment.

So now I’m sat here in my cold dark room alone. Submerged in my pain. I’m so tired of this, I want to be better, to get better and no more need for meds and therapy and other people to hold me together. I feel pathetic as if I’m dragging on everyone’s life. I want to live without all my sadness.

I’m too sucked into my own depression to hear the door of my flat opening and shutting. Too distracted to recognize the footsteps moving towards my room.

Simon opens the door, and I don’t know how to cope with my emotions. My heart practically burst knowing he came over, giving me some hope that maybe I am worthy of his love. But then he has to see my darkness, the hypocrite I am knowing I’ve seen him where I am and gave him all my love I possibly could.

“Hey love,” he’s quiet even for him, moving through the room like he is terrified he may break something or me.

“You didn’t have too” the guilt stays heavy on my shoulders.

Knowing he is staring at me, someone who is normally so full of light now covered in darkness that fills the room and holds it down. He begins to move onto the bed gently, moving himself silently under the covers with me. My heart hurts. Loving him gives me air in my lungs, everything about him gives me hope and love. I could stare at him for a thousand years and still not get enough.

“Y/n, I love you, okay? I will be here if I’m dead or alive, a million miles away or next door.” Pulling me into his chest, the heat of his body makes the blankets feel cold.

I cant stop crying even if I wanted too, pushing my face into his chest and curling into him, I let him hold me and begin to pull away all the darkness that doesn’t seem to drown me as much now. I feel him large hand begin to gently stroke my hair, moving through it as he soothes soul with his love.

“I’m sorry,” I mumble into his chest, this makes his hand stop its rhythmic pattern of brushing through my hair. Tilting my head to his eyes.

He stares back and I fall in love all over again, those honey eyes are only filled with compassion and understanding. Before him my loneliness was my company, and everything was always so violent. But with him now I’m learning to live without violence and less loneliness.

“What’s our promise?” he asks me, still holding me tightly letting my pain wash away his love flooding me and bring me back to the now.

“That we will always be each other’s extraction point,” the quote we made up before we even started dating. The quote that we held onto before we knew our love wasn’t one sided.

“Exactly,” he says and goes back to stroking my hair and listening to my hiccupping breathing, never judging just existing with me.

“Thank you, I love you” and I mean it, the same way I know he does too. Our darkness still haunts us both, but we have learnt to comfort each other and hold out the light when we need it.

“I love you too”.

[mightbesmall]

He's Escaped!!

Requested: Hi hi!! I was wondering if you could do Octavilline (however the hell you spell it) with a Male child reader (platonic obvi) reader just a chaotic little gremlin that gets into things he isn’t suppose to and somehow has made a little ‘hide out’ in the ‘rafters’ or ‘attic’ of the dorm. Idk just a little gremlins mc stealing and causing chaos around school and then hiding in the ocean dorm sounds fun :3 Ofc you don’t have to! Love your writings btw <3

Genre: Fluff, mild angst

Characters: Azul, Jade, Floyd

Warnings: ....you know I had to do it....MC has an angsty past...daddy issues...and is scared of...BONDS!!! Kay bye love you😜

Summary: Small gremlin child in the attic, what will he do?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

”WHERE DID HE GO?!” It was an average Tuesday in Octavinelle dorm. It was a wonder when Crowley dumped this literal child on their doorstep, saying some bullshit like “The dark mirror summoned him and thus I shall be busy trying to get him home along with the prefect! Woe is me! Anyways y’all look after him yeah? Okay byeeee” and dropped the kid and left. 

Azul is quite terrible with children, does not like them one bit (the trauma probably) so he thought that this boy would be a lot of trouble. He was of course right. [Name] was a little gremlin and is not allowed within 5 feet near Floyd as those two will get ideas. The amount of heart attacks this kid has given him-

Jade is also not good with children for completely different reasons. He would give the child poisonous plants to hold, mushrooms to eat and just let the kid roam free in the woods because he found it funny. He is more skilled with keeping the kid in check though, experience with Floyd and all.

Floyd is fucking shit with kids. He would let the kid hold a knife or whatever sharp, pointy object he finds. They would be best friends, Floyd will teach him how to squeeze the little minnows and then the child will now be squeezing poor, unsuspecting students. Floyd almost shed a tear in pride! The monster trio of Octavinelle: Floyd, Jade and [Name] all equally terrifying. 

With that in mind…

”I DON’T KNOW! HE WAS JUST HERE!!” The child escaped timeout. The mafia had to read up on books about parenting unless they would like the kid to die, Azul became an exasperated father whilst Jade was that one sassy aunt who talks shit about everyone and Floyd was that fresh out of jail, but still cool, uncle. 

Said child, was hiding in his little hide out in the attic kid the dorm. No one has found it yet and he intends to keep it that way. He doesn’t want to go to timeout again! (But he will not end his reign of destruction either.)

He finds the three of them odd (octotrio), they seem to care for him. His dad said he cared for him but he just hurt him, not physically but he always said mean things and stuff! He doesn’t want that kind of pain again, so he tried to distant himself from everyone. Anyone who showed him kindness is immediately suspicious as anyone who did in the past always hurt him!

Azul, Jade and Floyd weren’t the nicest people but they were…kind… to him. They were growing on him and that scared him, he doesn’t want to rely on anyone!

”Heyyy Little Eel~~ are you here?” Floyd’s voice drawled, oh no he found him! Soon he saw his head and then his torso. 

“There you are! What are you doing up here?” Floyd said, rather cheerily. He had a smile on his face whilst waving at the child.

”None of your business!” The kid snapped, he was a bit upset about his hideout being found. Floyd didn’t pay his tone any mind and just looked around.

”Oh nice place you’ve got here Little Eel!”

Floyd calls him little eel as he is one of them now so it only makes sense he’s an eel as well!

Azul disagrees

The child huffed and grumbled.

”Thanks…”

Floyd’s smile widened and he scooped the kid up into his arms.

”I’ve got to take ya back now Little Eel but don’t worry! I won’t tell anyone about this place!” The kid wasn’t sure if he could believe that.

”Fiiine!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

”Oh great seven! Where were you?! I was so worried!” Azul was currently acting like a mother hen, completely out of character but he was so fucking worried! This time the kid escaped to another dorm, Heartslabyul to be precise. He had a new toy (courtesy of Jade) and wanted to test it out, on some students. It was like a rocket launcher but instead of rockets, it shoots mushrooms. What you think Jade was responsible? Hell no! He wanted to have some fun as well!

”He was in Goldfishie’s dorm!” Floyd piped up helpfully.

”IN HEARTSLABYUL-“ He took a massive fucking breath to calm his raging nerves.

”Now what were you doing there?” Azul asked calmly.

”I was shooting some wannabe mages with my Shroom Launcher!” He said rather proudly. Azul’s eye twitched as he gave a pointed look towards Jade who only smiled. Fucker.

”You can’t quite shoot at the students Little Fry.” He lightly scolded, he wouldn’t dare dwell on the small feeling of pride welling up at the thought he gave Riddle trouble though.

“Bleh.” The child just stuck his tongue out but he seemed to listen. That was progress, Azul thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Oh my, how devious." Jade said with not so hidden amusement, as he watched the young boy scale the wall by the Scarabia mirror. He heard about what that Jamil tried to do to Azul so he's going to prank him, not out of concern about the octomer's well being or anything! 

With one last pull, the child hauled himself right over the mirror, ready to attack. Jade just couldn't help his snickering whilst hiding in the shadows, he really does enable this child too much.

When Jamil walked through the mirror he did not expect to be drenched head to toe in azul-blue paint. He was dumbfounded. The child just cackled in delight, giving a shit eating grin when the vice made eye contact with him, a deadpan stare on his face. Eventually Jamil left, in a more sour mood than he'd like to admit.

"Heheh, that was rather amusing Littler Elver. Shall we go gather some mushrooms?" The child turned to him with excitement.

"To fill up the Shroom Launcher?"

"Indeed."

This motherfuker was a terrible influence...

He was alone now... Floyd had fulfilled his promise and not said a word about his base. He strolled to his stash, it consisted of the little trinkets he stole from other students.

List of stolen objects:

a comb

silver fork

hair ties

signed autograph of Neige LeBlanche

10,003 madols

quill

a car engine

shit ton of random scraps of metal

shoe polish

pufferfish poison 

Advanced Book of Potions and Poisons by Gothelle

suspiciously glowing flower

a tin of needles and sewing shit

grilled cheese sandwich

Vil's entire collection of skincare products

files on all students on campus

full set of kitchen knives

blackmail on Crowley

Leona's will to live

And much more, people pay quite a bit for his collection. Ramshackle Prefect is broke as fuck BUT they have made a deal so he guesses he doesn't have to worry about that much.

Now he is getting ready for another "hunt" we'll call it, he has located his new victim. The guy with horns looks promising but Comrade Yuu advised against stealing the Tamagotchi from him. Instead the child redirected his attention to the obnoxious green haired male. Oh yeah this will be easy. Comrade Ruggie mentioned about needing some food and Comrade Yuu needs money to pay of student debts as well as live in the world they were thrown into, so with his target selected, the child waited for the time to pounce.

...

"MY WALLET!! IT'S MISSING!!!"

"Sebek calm down! We'll find it."

"I APPRECIATE YOUR KINDNESS LILIA-SAMA!!!!!"

What an easy target.

[godneuteredmeforbeingtoopowerful]

CW: discussions of child neglect, food policing, abusing autistic children, fatshaming

I’ve always been confused why I have food insecurity trauma behaviors, but my family has always had the privilege of having enough food and money and whatever else. I was reflecting on this with one of my partners this morning, and realized that my parents had a lot of rules around eating that other people… didn’t? So I wanted to share some of them and… idk. I just don’t want to feel alone. Also, understanding that I am (undiagnosed as a child) autistic with sensory issues that sometimes explode into ARFID, is vital to this conversation and adds a whole other layer. Again, CW ahead.

We always had ingredients, not pre-prepared meals. And you couldn’t eat things bc they were an ingredient

Things like cheese you could snack on but you could only have a little. If you’re hungry, eat a fruit or a vegetable (notoriously some of the worst things for textural sensory issues.)

Pre-packaged snacks have a purpose- if we’re leaving the house, or if you want to take one to school. You may have one snack after school, but there’s a specific amount you’re allowed to have, and it cannot be pre-packaged. I was banned from goldfish for a period of years bc I kept ignoring the rule with it. (I was unwittingly self-medicating for POTS, because it was the saltiest thing I was allowed. The diagnosis came years later.)

Sugar was evil. I could have it several times a week, but only as dessert. I had no say in what dessert was or when. If I asked for it, the answer would automatically be no. Breakfast cereal, one of my only safe foods that I could count on, was not allowed to contain more than 8-9 grams of sugar. That ruled out things like fruity pebbles, my favorite cereal. Occasionally this rule would be broken for things like Golden Grahams, because my dad liked them, but not for anything else unless it was a special occasion.

If you miss your time slot during the day, you just don’t get that thing: i.e. snack time is from 3-4pm. If you don’t eat then, you can’t eat until dinner at 6. No food after dinner. No food between 8am and noon. No food between 1 and 3. This schedule was only allowed to deviate if mom deviated from it.

Also, if you don’t like what’s been prepared for a meal, too bad. Eat it or eat nothing.

In a similar vein, if you don’t eat all of your lunch at school, the leftovers are now your snack after school the next day so mom can watch you eat it. It was supposed to teach me to eat all my food at school. Instead I just learned to throw food away.

Foods other kids got a lot, we didn’t really. They were only for car trips or birthdays, so a few times a year. Things like chips, soda, cracker jacks, etc.

Since safe foods were policed so heavily, I learned to eat a shit ton when I could, so I could make it through potentially not eating anything else substantial until the next day, or even several days. This was usually breakfast cereal, which was guaranteed, and snack time food, which was usually something like popcorn or peanut butter celery (which I did like) or pretzels or yogurt. Hated trail mix and granola bars with a passion. This got me consistently criticized for “eating like a pig” or “wasting food” or “eating up money” when I would have 2 bowls of cereal for breakfast, especially in middle school and high school. But if I wasn’t really eating anything else during the day, and I ran out of energy from those 2 bowls by 10am, what else was I supposed to do but take it?

There was also a lot of competition for getting ahold of my safe foods when they were in the house- because I have 3 siblings. So I grew a habit of stealing and hoarding food in my room- even though that was strictly forbidden. I got busted often, but I was fucked otherwise. Or when we had things like pizza for dinner or other safe foods, I’d have several helpings (consequently getting fatshamed) because I wouldn’t know when I’d have a pleasant sensory experience again, or when I’d get to really eat again.

Also, had to clean my plate whenever I complained about dinner. Think I got bungee corded to the chair once. Had to sit at the dinner table past my bedtime a few times because the lasagna or avocado was too much and I’d puke. And then get verbally abused for it. They stopped that with my siblings. They were allowed to have pb&j after eating 3 bites, but only pb&j. What I would have given for that when I was a kid.

Anyway. Any solidarity is unfortunate but appreciated. A bit sobering now that it’s all listed out like that.

[bakedbakermom]

a prime example of why i don't fucking talk to my mother

tw my mom, weight stuff

so my mom and dad currently have some form of custody over my niece (almost 14, i don't know all the legal details, it's mostly a handshake thing) because my brother is an abusive alcoholic piece of shit and his ex-wife can barely manage to take care of herself, let alone a child.

part of their arrangement means niece spends part of every summer with her mother back in her home state. niece just returned from such a trip, and by her own admission, had a miserable time; ex-sil was working the whole time, so niece was mostly alone playing video games, and her phone wasn't working down there so she couldn't even keep in contact with her friends (or me!). she has some social and developmental issues and has shown a marked regression from where she was before this trip.

my mom's biggest concern though? her weight. with no friends and no physical activity and nothing but [notoriously obese home state foods combined with ex-sils' terrible cooking skills] had some kind of impact on her weight. how much, i don't actually know, because i'm a decent person and didn't ask, and also because my mom doesn't exactly know what healthy looks like on anyone, let alone an adolescent girl.

my mom says she's not going to address this directly with niece (hey wait is that growth?) and instead quietly replace all the food in the house with "healthier" options in the hopes of slimming niece down without her noticing (nope that's not growth, that's despicable actually).

this is the woman who encouraged me to drink SlimFast shakes in fifth fucking grade. i shudder to think what her plan is.

my mom is tall and naturally slim (though she has taken it to a truly horrifying place in the last few years, which is part of why i never see her - it hurts and it's triggering). niece takes after her mom, who is short and chubby. that, btw, is not at all a dig. i am also short and chubby. i have spent the last 20 years learning not to hate myself for that, for not looking like my mom, for not living up to her standards. for not being tall and skinny like her, like my sister. i tried, and nearly died for it.

i hate that my mom thought this was okay to gossip with me about, when she knows my history (however much she denies her role in it). i hate that i don't want her to see me, don't want her in my life, because what if she's judging my body too, gossiping with other people about me too? i don't want her in my daughter's life, either, for the same reason. eating disorders are a complex interaction of nature and nurture, and i'm fighting tooth and bloody nail to save my own life and protect my child from both.

but most of all i hate this for my niece. i hate that her bodily autonomy is being undermined. i hate that the person who is supposed to be watching out for her, teaching her, guiding her, is instead tricking her and judging her and gossiping about her. my mom always claims to be a safe person to talk to, a judgement free zone. she is NOT. "oh honey nothing you could ever say would upset me - wait you're suffering??? how dare you! do you want me to kill myself in front of you to show you how much that hurts me?" (i am paraphrasing, but not by much.)

i wish i could cut her out of my life completely without risking the contact i have with my niece. i wish i felt strong enough to tell her to shut the fuck up any time she brings up food or weight with me. i wish i could scream at her at the top of my lungs - for the sake of me now, and me then, and my niece, and my daughter, and my sister (who despite being the clear favorite did not get out unscathed either), and frankly every girl on the face of the fucking planet.

at least i won't have to talk to her again for at least a month. longer if she forgets my daughter's birthday again.

[fluffansmut-old]

Like you haven’t done that

Summary: You’re the second Byers child and the middle sister in the Byers trio. Most of the time your brothers are great, but when you start to sneak around, dating Eddie Munson and planing r-rated activities with him, your big brother suddenly becomes more annoying than ever.

Even though you’re not doing anything that you know that he hasn’t already done himself.

Content warnings: Eddie x Byers!reader, protective & annoying Jonathan, the Byers kids (including reader) have daddy issues, mentions of sexual activity, mentions of birth control options, hickies, slightly awkward sex-talk.

A/N: realised I hadn’t posted this to tumblr, and since it’s all out on AO3 already I’ve decided to drop all three parts on tumblr right away.

Word count: 4227

AO3 | Masterlist

Part 2 - Part 3

It was friday morning in march-85.

You were sat at the kitchen table eating breakfast with your brothers this particular morning, when the phone rang.

Hoping it to be who you thought It were you sprung out of your chair to answer.

“Why is she so eager to answer the phone nowadays? Will asked Jonathan who shook his head in response.

“No idea, but something is definitely up.”

You answered the phone.

“Byers”

“Hello sweetheart” you heard on the other side.

“Hi babe”

“I was just calling to ask if everything is arranged for tonight or if I need to kick Wayne and his poker buddies out of the trailer for the night” Eddie said, you could hear in his voice how excited he was.

“It’s arranged, Will is playing DnD at wheeler’s, Jonathan is studying at the library with Nancy and mom is working late so she won’t be home until at least 11.30.” You confirmed.

You and Eddie had carefully planned out the whole thing. The two of you had been trying to find a moment to yourselves, a moment to have sex and not worry constantly about being quiet or interrupted. (Or caught for that matter, Joyce didn’t know that you were sexually active or with Eddie for that matter)

so now when all the people living in your house were otherwise occupied, you jumped on it.

“Great, then I’ll se you at school gorgeous.” Eddie said, you could clearly visualise the smirk on his face.

“See you, babe, I love you” you said.

“Love you too.” Eddie replied then the line when silent.

When you turned around to return to your breakfast you were met by your big brother, who was leaning up against the wall giving you a pointed look.

“Who is babe?” He asked.

“None of your concern” you replied, walking towards the table.

Jonathan was of course not ready to drop it there.

What do you have planned that mom doesn’t know about?” He asked. Sitting down across from you at the table again.

“It’s nothing Jonathan, nothing.” You said, trying to put an end to the conversation. You didn’t want Will to hear you argue.

“Okay well if it’s nothing, then why are you telling babe that you are home alone tonight? I thought you were gonna study with Stacy?” Jonathan said, calling your bluff.

“First and foremost, I am too, going to study with Stacy tonight. But stop eavesdropping on my phone calls! Is nothing fucking private in this house anymore?” You exclaimed as you rose from the table and put the bowl and spoon in the sink.

“Don’t swear infront of Will, and I’m not buying anything so tell me what you are up to.”

Will who still was stained since your parents divorce hated fights in general and tried to help.

“Hey Jonathan it’s okay, Dustin says shit all the time, I’m used too it?”

“There see, he’s used too it.” You said

“And besides, you aren’t my parent and you cannot tell me what to do!”

Jonathan huffed.

“I am still one and a half year older than you” he said.

“I’m riding my bike to school today” you said, refusing to have this conversation continuing on all the way to school.

You ruffled Will’s hair when you passed his chair and shot him a

“Have a good day kiddo” before you walked out the door.

The first time you saw Eddie that day was when he walked into the cafeteria as you were walking out. He grabbed your arm and spun you close to him.

At first you got a little frightened but when you realised that it was Eddie you smiled. He pressed his forehead against yours and you locked eyes with his soft, dreamy ones.

“Hello gorgeous” he said.

“Hello handsome” you replied and kissed him.

“I can’t wait for tonight” he said. ”the thought of what we are about to do later has been consuming my mind all day”

“What are these thought consuming ideas of yours ?” You asked.

His eyes grew impossibly wider with lust and he said,

“I don’t think those words are appropriate on school property” he said with a smirk, teasing you.

“Are you really one to talk about what’s appropriate, you know since you´re known for trampling all over the tables in the cafeteria when it suits you.”

His smirk grew even wider when you called him out on his bullshit and then he leaned in closer and whispered,

“Let’s just say; I want to ravish you” he said.

“Oh please do” you replied. Giving him a kiss.

“You want a preview?” He asked, and before you even thought it through you nodded and said;

“Yes!”

Right where your collarbone meets your neck he gave you a hickey.

When he pulled away you heard him gasp a little.

“Holy shit, sorry sweetheart, I didn’t mean to make it so obvious.” He said and ran his fingers over it.

“Is it really big?” You asked, now slightly nervous about the questions that your brother would have for you.

“Bigger than I was going for” he said.

“I’m sorry sweetheart”

“It’s fine, I just gotta hide it from Jonathan” you said.

You gave Eddie a goodbye kiss for now and you parted ways, he went into the cafeteria and you and Stacy went towards to the bathroom to try and cover up the hickey.

On the way there you did a quick search of the surroundings, just to make sure Jonathan weren’t watching.

What you didn’t notice was the king of Hawkins high himself, that saw the whole thing play out.

And when Steve later met Nancy and Jonathan outside of science class things didn’t go as you planned.

“Hey guys, what’s up?” He said, smiling at the pair.

“Nothing much, just trying to get through this school year.” Nancy replied with a small sigh, gesturing towards the pile of paper she had in her arms. “How are you?”

“Same, just trying to survive until graduation. “ he said, and then he remembered what he witness earlier “Hey Byers, I saw your sister with that Munson kid before, when did they start dating?”

The question threw Jonathan a little... he wasn’t stupid, he knew that babe most likely were someone that you were in fact dating? But, that it was Eddie Munson made him feel uneasy.

“You aren’t fucking with me now, are you Harrington?” Jonathan asked.

“Wait you didn’t know?” Steve said, slightly surprised.

“Are you positive that it was Eddie Munson?” Nancy asked sensing the tension from Jonathan.

“I’m certain , that cult like t-shirt that he always wears, leather jacket, and jeans vest, cos apparently that’s something you can wear at the same time. “ Steve said, describing the eccentric kid they all had seen in the cafeteria countless of times before. “It was him.”

“And you are sure that it was my sister?” Jonathan then asked.

“Yes, I have seen your sister before, she wore this patterned blouse this morning right?” Steve said, starting to describe the blouse. “Light blue with geometric shapes on it in pastel colours?”

“Yeah” Jonathan said, remembering the blouse from breakfast.

“Then I’m sorry my friend, but it was her too.” Steve said, giving Jonathan a sympathetic look.

You had successfully avoided your big brother during the whole school day and was more than satisfied with that when you hopped on you bike again that afternoon.

Your mind was only focused on preparing for Eddie’s arrival later.

When you came home you dropped your bag by the door and took a deep breath, enjoying the silence.

You organised you room a bit, ie, shoving junk and old stuffed animals into the closet.

You straightened up your bed a bit, not that it still would look like that at the end of the night but still.

Right then and there you realised that you didn’t have any condoms…

Sure it was Eddies responsibility to bring some, but you didn’t want the night to be spoiled even if he forgot them.

You weren’t on any birth control, simply bc that required a signature from a parent, and taking that up with your mom was a no go at the moment. You thought about it for a moment, then an idea popped into your head. Jonathan might have some…

You walked into your brothers room and headed straight for his nightstand, but as you pulled out the draw you only found this old photography magazine. You cursed a little under your breath, couldn’t he just have some condoms you could steal without his knowledge?

You checked the pockets of some of his most worn clothes but only found nickels and gum wrappers.

His desk draw wasn’t any successful either.

”How can he not have any condoms?” you thought, and returned to the nightstand, you picked up the magazine to check underneath it. It was then you hit the jackpot, out from between the pages fell condoms, onto the floor.

”That sneaky little shit” you mumbled and picked up two condoms, putting them in your pant-pocket. As you bent down to pick up the rest you suddenly heard a very familiar voice.

”I knew that you were fucking lying” Jonathan said. You jerked at his words just dropping the remaining condoms and the magazine right back into his nightstand.

”He can’t even bring his own fucking condoms?”

”I have not clue what your on about?” You said, deciding that denial was the way to go with Jonathan. You began to walk out of the room but Jonathan grabbed your wrist making you stay.

”I´m not stupid if you think so, I know that its drug-dealer-cult-leader Eddie Munson who you are planning to sleep with.” Jonathan said, getting properly worked up about it all. ”And its obviously him that also already branded you like cattle.”

He pointed towards the hickey by your collarbone.

”You are such a fucking idiot, you don´t even know him! ” you spat, jerking your hand free from his grip. ”And its not like you haven’t done the exact same thing.”

”Don´t bring me into this” he responded. ”You are the one to make stupid mistakes”

Your blood was boiling and you wanted to slap your brother across the face.

”You are the stupid one, going around judging people on what other people say all the time.” You said, getting really defensive over Eddie. ”Weren’t we just the freaks,huh? When Will went missing? We were the zombie-boy-siblings for about a year Jonathan”

”That was totally different and you know it.” He said.

”How exactly is it different?” You said.

Jonathan stumbled over his words, not really sure of what to say.

”Its not worth explaining to you” he landed on.

”You are such a dick, do you know that “ you said, walking out of his room.

”I want my condoms back.” Jonathan then said.

”They are all in your nightstand.” You replied, walking towards the kitchen.

”I saw you putting some in your pocket, I’m not stupid, hand them over” he said.

”And what will the outcome be of that?” You asked him, ”do you think that you can stop me from having sex just because you take away the condoms?”

He huffed.

”You are really stupid, you really would have unprotected sex just cause the contraception just isn’t right the beside you?” He said.

” I´ve heard the pullout method is effective or what do you say picture-perfect-big-brother” you spat at him, knowing full well what he and Nancy did at Murray Baumans house about 3 months ago.

”What are you talking about now?” He said, playing innocent.

” Cut the bullshit, you know that I talk to Nancy right?” You responded.

“First and foremost that is none of your business, and it’s not what we are discussing here?” Jonathan said.

“I thought unprotected sex was exactly what we were discussing?” You shot back.

Before Jonathan could reply your fight got cut off by your mom coming home with a pounding migraine.

“Hey, hey,hey” she shouted and then held a hand to her head. “Who is having unprotected sex?”

You quickly pointed a finger towards Jonathan as he did the same towards you, just as when you were kids.

“Okay, you two sit down, and don’t speak a word until I’m back.” Joyce said and pointed towards the couch.

You and Jonathan started to bicker about calling each other out as you mom went towards the kitchen.

“I said not a word!” She snapped at you, as she grabbed a hairclip from the table, putting her hair up.

You and Jonathan shut up quickly after that.

Joyce had looked forward towards a quiet house with only you and Stacy home so she could rest, but now she had to give a improvised sex talk to her two teenagers.

“Let’s have them close in age Joyce, they’ll have so much FUN together” she muttered, imitating Lonnie, whilst she was rumaging around trying to find painkillers.

Of course there was some truth in what he had said, you and Jonathan could always depend on each other to look after one another, which sometimes was nice and sometimes ended up in situations like this.

It drove Joyce crazy, the way the two of you never could leave it, she was just happy that both of you took it out on each other and both considered Will to be your favourite sibling, since Will would take fights so much more to heart.

“So, one at the time please explain why the two of you are fighting?” She said as she sat down on the table opposite you.

“Well for starters, she’s lying to you” Jonathan blurted out pointing at you.

“Oh c’mon for fucks sake” you said.

“Mind your language a bit please, now is this true ?” Joyce said, searching your face with that concerned mom look that you hated.

“Jonathan is totally throwing me under the bus here and it’s so unfair” you replied, hoping to shift blame.

The problem with your brother was that he knew every curveball you had and had learned how to easily dodge them.

“You didn’t answer the question?” He taunted.

You gave him the finger when your mom looked away and then you said,

“I’m not lying more than Jonathan is?”

“I’m not lying, she is.”

“Okay okay, quit bickering” Joyce said, shutting you both up. “I do not care who is lying and by the looks of it you both are, now what brought on this whole unprotected sex discussion?”

It was like a lightbulb went off over your head, and then you turned towards your brother.

“You want to tell her of should I?” You said putting your hand in your pocket.

Jonathan who had enough of your bullshit didn’t think before blurting out

“She stole my condoms to go have sex with the school drug dealer”

“Well Jonathan had unprotected sex with Nancy at a strangers house” you shot back, if he could play dirty then so could you.

“You are freaking unbelievable, how is that relevant at all?” Jonathan said.

Joyce was overwhelmed to say the least, these were sides of her children (and Nancy Wheeler for that matter) that she never expected to see.

“Okay I’m gonna need so much more information to make this make sense.” She gave you and Jonathan this maternal look that you had seen a thousand times before. It was best for the two of you to tell the truth.

“If I’m gonna say anything I want him to shut the fuck up whilst I talk” you started, glaring towards Jonathan.

Jonathan was about to protest when Joyce cut him off.

“Dial down on the cursing and the tone please” she first scolded. “But you do make a valid point, now Jonathan, let your sister talk”

Jonathan thought about protesting again but decided against it, since it probably wouldn’t help.

“I’ve met this guy…his name is Eddie, and despite popular belief” you said, shooting a glare towards Jonathan, “he is actually the sweetest man I've ever met. He is kind, considerate and I feel very safe with him.”

Jonathan who at this point didn't believe the sincerity in your voice rolled his eyes at your statement, but kept quiet.

“Okay…” Joyce said choosing her next words wisely. “He sounds lovely… but what worries me is the talk about drugs, has he ever offered you drugs?”

“He never has” you said triumphantly, looking at Jonathan before returning your eyes towards your mom.

“Has he ever dealt drugs with someone else in your presence?” Joyce asked.

You shook your head, cause sure people pulled him aside in school whilst you were in earshot but he always dealt the actual drugs in the woods by the school, and you weren’t there.

“Is he even like.. uhm high in front of you?” Joyce asked, searching your face for any indication of insincerity.

You pondered the question for a moment… It wasn’t like Eddie was high most of the time, it was more of a business than a hobby to put it that way. But sure it had happened once or twice that you surprised him at the trailer park, to find him with a joint in between his fingers.

“No, he isn’t” you responded.

“Then there isn’t much more I can ask from him, in that department” Joyce settled on.

Jonathan wasn’t satisfied with the fact that your mom was willing to drop the drug dealing after that conversation, he cleared his throat to say something, but was only met by a held up finger in front of him, telling him to keep quiet.

“Now honey, I assume that you are planning on sleeping with this Edward? It was Edward right?” Joyce asked, calling you by the nickname she had for you since you were a kid.

You blushed at the question, wasn’t it obvious?

“You can call him Eddie, everybody does” you first corrected. “But yeah…”

It was strange to admit it to your mom. It was even strange to say it out loud.

“Can I ask if you’ve ever done anything of that nature before?” She asked. Blood drained from your face, you didn’t want to admit any details in front of your mom and brother.

“No details necessary, just yes or no” your mom added and put a hand on your knee.

You thought about you and Eddie, about hickies, handjobs and fingerings, about Eddie’s hands on your tits and that time you came from grinding on his jean-clad thigh.

“ uhm, yes, but nothing too intimate so to say” you settled.

You mom nodded, then she turned towards your brother for the first time in a while.

“And am I right to assume by the conversation that I walked in on that you and Nancy are sexually active?” She asked.

You snickered silently,because finally it wasn’t only about you.

Jonathan pushed you slightly in the side with his elbow to shut you up.

“Yes, you are” Jonathan said, searching the wall in front of him trying to avoid looking his mother in the face as he answered the question.

“Okay, the two of you, let’s talk about protection” she stated going into this educating version of herself that you both hated.

“Mom, c’mon, we know already” Jonathan muttered, you saw him turning red in the face.

“Um no, we are discussing this” Joyce stated. Just as she was about to continue the door opened and in came the youngest Byers sibling.

“Hi Im just gonna grab my Dn… are both of you in trouble at the same time again?” Will asked, looking at both his older siblings. Who both looked flustered and ashamed.

“Why do you assume that they are in trouble?” Joyce asked. Taken a bit by suprised at Will´s question, was it really that obvious?

“ mom, your sitting on the coffetable, plus you have your hair up, you only put you hair up when you´re annoyed.” Will stated.

“Kid is good.” you said, smiling slightly at how observant your little brother was.

“They are in fact in trouble, but it's nothing that you need to worry about” Joyce said smiling at her youngest. “Go get your things. “

He ran off towards his room and your mom turned back towards you and Jonathan.

“Now where were we?” She said, “oh, yeah, Birth control is mandatory. It’s not up for discussion, I don’t want grandchildren yet and I promise you guys, non of you wants an STI”

“I think she’s talking to you” you said to Jonathan.

“At least I have condoms in my room” he muttered, “it`s more than your shitty boyfriend has.”

“Jonathan Byers!” Joyce said sternly, shutting your brother up.

“I just wanna add for the record that i didn´t borrow condoms from Jonathans stash because Eddie wasn´t planning on bringing any.” you said, defending both yourself and Eddie. “ I did it because I didnt want to be left without, incase he forgot, or it broke or something.”

“That was a very mature decision honey and I think it shows that you´re mature and responsible.” she said. ”although please ask your brother before going through his drawers and stealing things from him”

“Mkay, then” you said and rolled your eyes. You were nowhere near apologising to Jonathan.

“We can also look into contraceptive pills if that is something you might want” she said looking at you, hand on your knee.

“And if it ever comes up for discussion between you and Nancy, I want you to tell her that I will help in anyway I can, I’ll talk to Karen with her if she wants to.”

Jonathan simply nodded, and considered telling her about it.

“Now want to talk about consent” Joyce continued on, looking like she was mentally checking things off the “sex-talk-check-list”

“Once again mom we know, okay?” Jonathan groaned.

“Well good, that’s good” Joyce said. “Because like birth control it’s mandatory, I don’t want you to feel any pressure to do something that you don’t want to, no matter how big or small it is, and I don’t want you to pressure anyone into anything”

“I just wanna say if I ever find out that Munson has pressured you into doing some freaky shit then I swear to god I’ll beat him with my own hands” Jonathan said and your first instinct was to slap him, but since that would only land you in more trouble with your mom you decided against it.

“I can’t believe you” you said, “how can you even say that? It’s so unlike you to judge someone so hard with even knowing them”

Neither Joyce nor Jonathan had any chance to say anything because right after your outburst, there came a crash from your room and a very familiar,

“Oh shit”

“Speaking of the devil” Jonathan said with an eye roll.

“Shut the fuck up.” You said.

“Jonathan, that is quite enough” Joyce said, giving Jonathan a stern look. “Honey, go tell Eddie to wait in your room whilst we finish up here” Joyce said and you rose from the couch.

In the doorway to your room you saw your little brother staring wide-eyed at the long haired man who was busy putting all the cds he knocked down back.

“Hey babe” you said which made him look up.

“Oh I’m sorry sweetheart, I tried to be discreet and ended up being the total opposite.” He said smiling at you, then he turned his attention to the younger boy who stood next to you clutching his campaign to his chest.

“And this must the younger-brother-Byers?”

“Uhm yes, I’m.. Will” he said, turning a little shy. He then turned to you and you spotted that curious hint in his eye. “What’s hellfire club?” He whispered trying discreetly to motion towards the shirt Eddie was wearing.

“Ask him.” You said, knowing full well that Eddie would enjoy both answering the question and your brothers reaction.

“Will this is Eddie” you said, taking a step into the room, coaxing Will to join you. “He is the absolute nicest. And you can ask absolutely ask him what you asked me”

“What’s hellfire club?” Will asked, blushing slightly.

“It’s only the coolest club at Hawkins high” Eddie said, looking very proud. “We play DnD, and I’m the dungeon master”

You immediately noticed that spark light up inside of Will.

“You play DnD?” He asked, voice high pitched and excited.

“Live for it kid” Eddie replied. “I take it as you do too?”

“Yeah, I actually planned the campaign we are playing tonight” he said, looking at the things he was holding.

“Oh no way, can you show me?” Eddie said and took a seat on your bed. Not two seconds later Will was sat next to him.

“I just came him here to tell you that we are totally busted and mom asked me to tell you to stay in here whilst she finished up the most embarrassing mom-talk I’ve ever received.” You said to Eddie.

“Yeah, yeah go be embarrassed, I don’t have time for you right now” he said and shifted his focus back to Will who already started talking about the campaign.

You smiled as you returned to the living room, at least one of your brothers liked Eddie.

[gingeredmink]

what are your age hcs for tatsuki and soutarou? and misc hcs for urotsuki?

Gonna be blunt, head is a cluttered junkyard and I'm a rambler with zero self control when right conditions are met [you ask about Special Interests]. plus am tired and really out of it from work cause we had inventory and i ordered too many lunchables [oscar mayer can go to hell]. Will do best to make this coherent, or at least intelligible, but apologies if it's a bit of a mess.

Age Headcanons [If we're going for what they are in game]

Short answer: Soutarou is late 20s-early 30s, Tatsuki ranges between 15-18. [tho ofc when I draw shippy stuff it's an AU and they're both early 20s]

Long answer: Actually thought about this on and off a decent bit and could never really get more than a vague, "Somewhere around this area" for them.

Soutarou is somewhere between late 20s and early 30s. He's old enough to have experienced some shit, try to get clean and back on his feet and get some manual labor experience, and have that ripped from him. Plus some time to isolate and have those thoughts wreck havoc on his mental state.

Tatsuki on the other hand is messier and harder to really give an age to. They could be a kid escaping into fairy tales to avoid reality, or a young adult [18-20] that was forced to grow up too fast and is now suffering from dealing with their fractured identity [have thought about Debris endings occurring around Tats 18th birthday, because they have the "You're not a child, so why do you hold onto such stupid childish fantasies?" thoughts to go on top of everything else and it sorta just breaks them.]

Misc Uro Headcanons

Big Deep angsty Uro hc/kinda what shapes her core for me

You might've heard the quote, “I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that." by Robin Williams. This more or less summarizes my view of Urotsuki at the core. She may not be weighed down by what other dreamers have gone through, but she knows what it's like to be trapped in darkness and though it may not show, she is doing her best to make others happy because she doesn't want others to go through that. [side note: this is huge part of reason for shipping her with Tatsuki. Feel like they'd be the same, tho Tats is way more introverted. That angsty, "You see through the smiles or notice the little things and softly nudge me to say you understand and are there." sorta thing].

Going off that; for the longest time have hc'd that Uro has struggled with an ED and self image issues in the past and a big part of why she loves food and is okay with being herself, and is so supportive of others doing the same, is because she had to fight to get to where she is and is doing her best to make sure others can simply see the joy in life without experiencing the hell she went through.

More lighthearted/Uro's a goofball hcs

Uro is somewhat lactose intolerant but keeps getting sick because she won't. fucking. stop. eating cheese. Or questionable foods in general. "It smells alright so it's probably fine." [narrator voice: It wasn't fine] sorta things.

Probs mentioned this one before but eh, Uro and Sou are one of few dreamers with a drivers license, and Uro's driving doesn't exactly leave most passengers feeling safe so Sou is constantly stepping in when she offers people a ride. The two bicker at each other like an old couple a surprisingly good bit when eyes aren't on them. This paired with them both being older and able to get drunk makes for quite a scene. [Sabi's laughing, Tats is on the floor trying and failing to hide it.]

She did have a dedicated dream diary at some point, but during a depressive period would start to fill and decorate it with random stuff [silly doodles, poems, stickers , ect], and it's now more like a thought scrapbook or therapeutic outlet for her. Pages that are just her jotting down memories that make her happy have little sticky note bookmarks so she can flip through them when feeling down.

Her head is a mess and all over the place, and her counting sheep is like a ritual she semi-depends on to fall asleep since it gets her to focus on one thing and relax [its a sorta behavioral dependency that if she was somehow barred from doing, she'd probs stress out and not be able to sleep.]

Hope you enjoyed or were at least satisfied with rambling anon ◠⸜⸝◠~

[cure-typhoon]

Actually can you share more about your Karkat story? Is it a whole timeline or a fic or..? For me I don't really have any concrete ideas of what happens post-canon, it's mostly just random thoughts that may or may not apply to my sims game haha

Ofc! I have a whole au (earth c au tag) about it but at the moment is random ideas thrown in the wild. I am doing a timeline but because its going to include a summary of the lives of all the kids since they arrived on Earth C (16), to when they jumped in time (17) to their current ages (40 smt) + their kids its going to be long and its going to take me like a month before i complete it lol

Anyway long rant:

But basically if we focus on Karkat, he arrived on the future of Earth C at 17 but quickly found out that not a lot of people speak English/Alternian anymore, so they were in a whole new world without being to communicate to a lot of people. Because they decided to not reveal themselfs as the Creators of Earth C, things are complicated to say the least.

He ends up getting a job on some random kitchen as a dishwasher and over time gets promoted to a chef. He is dating Dave and helping Jade with the money, as she is trying to get her studies done and she is their bestie.

But because of unresolved trauma, things start to nose-dive over the years with his friends and his partner until finally Dave breaks up with him and basically leaves the country while ghosting everyone (Not really Karkat's fault, as Dave is not coping with basically being immortal but his attitude didnt help) at his 25-26

Anyway, he didn't take the breakup well at all, as it had become very codependant and toxic over the years and had a rough year before Jade basically gave him an ultimatum to put himself together and try to better himself or she was done with him as a frined, because his anger issues and general attitude had become really toxic to deal with and she basically couldn´t try to help him anymore without basically exhausting herself, this + almost loosing Kanaya as a friend for the same reasons (because she is a new mom now and she is not dealing with his toxic shit anymore) he starts a self improvement journey that is hit or miss over the years but is helping him a lot

Because he got fired a year before Dave broke up with him, he gets a job in the caverns as a janitor for the mean time and life is going relately well all things considered.

That is until when he is in his 30s (32-35?), a child appears outside his house eating some of his vegetables/fruit, and whille he is not happy about some stranger kid in his backyard, he doesnt give it much though and the kid leaves after some time

Well, this repeat a lot for a couple of weeks and he starts to have conversation with this kid (Luis 7-8 years old) and gives him other food, and because he doesnt really understand that its not normal for a kid this young to just hang out on his own without supervision, he doesnt give it much though (Also Luis lied and told him he has permission from his parents)

Turns out he doesnt have permission to just be running around on his own, as he had escaped from the orphanage he lives in, and was basically being followed because he escaped AGAIN and they were trying to catch him. He runs to Karkat home and tries to hide there but it doesnt work. Karkat catchs to the situation from the workers of the orphanage who explains things to him, and while he understands, he is not exactly happy as Luis doesnt want to go with them and is very unhappy with the situation

One of the workers gives him some info about becoming a foster parent, as she see's he actually was able to form a connection with him and could give a stable home to Luis (a ''problem child'' who is very angry that he has been separated of his two youngest sisters and has been causing problems since he arrived to the system)

He gives it a thought and he actually considers it giving a shot, he also doesnt fucking tell any of his friends and now Karkat is a foster dad after going through the whole process, to everyone's surprise.

Things dont go well the first year, as Luis things this is another temporary situation so he tries to screw with Karkat all he can to speed things up but Karkat had the fucking Beta Trolls as his friend group, his normal thermometer is basically screwed so while he gets mad at some stuff, he is not ''I'm kicking you out'' mad ever

Thanks to some stuff that happened, and him being able to get Luis on contact with his youngest siblings (Marymr-4 and Aurora-An egg/wriggler) things become better between the two of them and Marymr becomes part of the home after some time. Aurora is another can of worms as she is still a grub and needs to live on a cavern in the meantime

Times goes on, Karkat gets a job in the caverns (nepotism/half joking), Aurora starts living with them after pupating, lifes goes on and then Daves come back to the country after almost 6-7 years of ghosting him and being on low contact with everyone else. He accidently becomes their babysitter when he went to try to salvage the friendship between him and Karkat and Karkat's babysitter cancelled last minute.

And thats about the most important stuff? More stuff happen, he starts dating Jade, his friendship with Dave has recovered as well as it could and things are going well for him and his family in his 40's

Until he disappeared and got teleported to the pesterquest timeline and is stuck there in the meantime but thats another can of worms lol

[eroaneki]

I'm just gonna vent for a quick minute.

I had a really sad realization while driving home from work today that I make myself small because I was taught to do so. That was the only way to avoid any confrontation with my father growing up. Just make myself scarce and as unnoticeable as possible. And I carry that a lot with me even now.

I remember exactly how things were prior to using them or being somewhere. When I'm done, I put things back exactly the way I found them prior, as if I never was there to begin with. I'm often very quiet and try not to say anything lest someone notices me, because I was told being noticed means you're selfish. And that you're looking for attention. So I try my best to blend into the background and not make myself too obvious. I hide and use multiple names online so people can never trace anything back to me.

Because I don't deserve to be noticed. I was only ever meant to just take up space. Because that's what I was told. For years. That I was to be seen and never heard. That my feelings and my tears meant nothing. That I was to act nice and play my required part whenever anyone asked.

And I just... grieve a life I could have had, had none of that ever happened to me.

Would I be better adjusted, would I be rich and successful, would I already be married and have a family and live in a giant house and be just as normal as everyone else and have eat pray love painted on my fucking wall and have "mommy needs her wine" decals all over and laugh and stupid jokes and just be oblivious to everything

Would I not be so calculated? Would I not instinctively think of 3 different alternative solutions to issues at any given time, one always including a way to get myself out if I have to? Would I just not think so much in general?

People compliment me and say good things about me and it makes me feel like shit. And I feel so guilty. So fucking guilty for allowing myself to be seen and noticed, like I did something bad. That I need to return to being just a mysterious figure off in the corner, because that's where I belong. That's all I'm good for.

I don't deserve what other people have. I'm not welcome to enjoy it. That's not my place.

My place is alone. Pretending I don't actually exist. So that when I die, no one will miss me. No one will look for me. It would be as if I never existed.

Because that's how I was raised.

And I'm so. Tired. Of being this way. It's gotten better with time, but I don't think it's ever going to go away. And that is so daunting to me.

I keep thinking about if I ever have a child and how I would go about making sure that they never feel like this.

I would encourage them to speak their mind at all times. I would include them in decision making. I would respect their intelligence and treat them as a person regardless of their age.

And even though I know the damage is done to me and there's little that can be done, I'd smile knowing I didn't pass this misery onto them.

That it'll stop, and hopefully die, with me.

[dixonsgirl93]

unpopular opinion:

i love lori unapologetically and don't really gaf about her and shane sleeping tg. like it's insensitive but like u have the dead roaming around eating people alive like that is NOT the biggest issue in the show😭😭

and the way it wasn't even cheating because they both thought rick was dead. now if they knew he was alive and did it then that would be cheating BUT THEY DIDNT KNOW OMFG🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

i get like rick being upset but i'm talking about the FANDOM. like they dgaf about negan coercing women into being his wives, shane trying to rape lori, etc etc but they lose their shit (at only lori) for lori and shane sleeping together when they both thought rick was dead?

i don't think she was a bad mom either, carl didn't listen FOR SHIT and rick didn't pay much attention to him and his whereabouts either in the early seasons but everyone throws it all on lori

On the more extreme end, I actually think with Shane trying to get Rick out of the hospital, sure he didn’t know if Rick was alive but I think a tiny part of him was hoping he wasn’t so that Lori could fall in love with him

I think Lori must have had some attraction to Shane to even sleep with him in the first place.

You are right though, technically it was cheating but they didn’t know. The look on all their faces when they see Rick get out of the truck says it all (plus the guilt right after that).

It was obviously an emotional time being the end of the world and everything. People never consider that.

It’s also that people will look for any excuse to hate on a character more than they already do. They look for faults.

For a while I didn’t like Lori either until I actually looked more into her story and I don’t think she deserves all the hate she gets. And Carl is just an average annoying pre-teen.

She’d been through such a rough time: facing the end of the world, not knowing what the hell was going on, being in constant danger and looking after a child, losing the love of her life, his best friend manipulating her. Chaos. Hard to think straight in those circumstances.

But despite all that, people will still hate her for sleeping with Shane.

We get that one scene in the woods with her and Shane at the camp and it’s so clear she’s uncomfortable. She’s not smiling (at least, I see no genuine happiness of any kind), she’s hesitant to take off her wedding band from around her neck. But Shane looks genuinely happy, he doesn’t seem to notice or care for Lori’s discomfort so long as she lets him have her way.

It’s just a whole fucked up situation.

Another thing, with Negan, he, like Shane, have male pretty privilege. People may deny it but they weren’t as attractive as they are they’d get the same hate if not worse. Lori (while pretty) doesn’t have the pretty privilege that say someone like Rosita has.

If you put someone like Rosita in place of Lori you’d hear a whole different story about how lucky Shane was to “hit that” or some shit. She’d hardly get any hate for it.

[serendertothesquad]

Seren's Studies: Odd Squad UK -- "Planes, Trains, and Oddmobiles" Episode Followup, Part 1

Can you believe it took them 10 years to make this punny title? I can't either! But it's here now, and I'm all for it.

This time it's "Planes, Trains, and Oddmobiles", oh my! Let's send another prayer for a good episode below the break.

Now you know my mind is warped when I look at this and my first thought is "weird graveyard with three tombstones".

*low groan that ekes into a mournful glass-shattering scream*

I don't think I need to elaborate on how this episode will go.

O...kay. I don't think we've ever had any staff credit on the right of the episode before, and I'm not entirely sure why. Maybe it's because the beakers are in-frame on the left, but...they're not relevant, so...

these were abandoned eggs

mama wants them back

Either the Huggle Monster has some incredibly corrupted child-rearing habits, or this was purely accidental.

I know for a damn fact they will not elaborate, so theorize away, folks.

If I had a nickel for every Scientist who was proficient in sewing as a way to defy gender norms, I'd have two nickels.

Which isn't a lot, but it's fuck-all insane that it's happened twice now.

Guy's fittin' t' blow a lung if he keeps doin' that.

They tell him to hurry with the tone of "we're gonna get shat on" but without the urgency of "OH FUCK SHE'S GONNA EAT US".

See, but the funny thing is that they are in a desolate area with three rocks that look like tombstones and y'know if I try hard enough they might be symbo-

Remember when entering the tubes had simple rules? Like "don't eat while riding" and "turn off all your electronics"?

Yeah, Omar's giving a "fuck you and your grandma" to that shit and bringing up a manual that has never been mentioned before. (There was Tube Safety and You from "The O Games", but that was about positioning yourself on the ride through. This is not that book.)

And it's so unbelievably stupid because, even in spite of the episode's name, you're telling me we can't get an 11-minute episode where it's Onom in the tubes? We got an 11-minute episode about the tubes in Season 1, GTFOH!

"I'm sure the Odd Squad Airline would love to help!"

I was going to make a comment on how fucking gobsmacked I was and how silly this was, but then I realized that Odd Squad is a pseudo-government organization and so of course they would have their own goddamn airline with their own goddamn private planes.

...Huh. I wonder if that's why the Task Force Department had a plane in "Overdue"?

OH F-FYACK OH GOD IT'S A HUMANIZED AIRPLANE OFUCKGEE.

Thank God they fixed the audio mixing here because otherwise my level of "I'm disturbed" would be extremely high from the plehn zoom sound alone.

Ohhhh...so this is Agent Ockpit. Honestly, I had expected her to turn up in another episode. Not in...whatever this hot mess is becoming.

That aside, though...Odd Air? Spelled like that or OddAir? I mean even putting aside that there's a fucking Plane department (actual Flight department?)...I'm more keen on spelling it out fully.

"...and the suitcase is made from my special weightless material."

Can't be too weightless if it's still abiding by the laws of the planet's gravity, Onom. That's what we call a skill issue.

"I'm sorry, but each suitcase can't weigh more than 5 pounds."

Checking...weight limits are in double digits...so this is soME HORSESHIT-

Okay, this shit made me cackle just for how I wasn't expecting Ockpit to tell him his flight is leaving in one minute.

Plehn I have not been on at all, but you'd think she'd tell him when the flight is leaving when he tried to book it. Basic common sense.

Ohhhh, so this is from the POV of the Huggle Monster. Yeah, that- that makes sense. Mmm two pieces of candy and a weird box thing.

They have books for everything under the sun that Twilight Sparkle would be jealous of, Jesus Christ.

Oh God...either this could go like in "Trials and Tubulations" or this could go like in "When Seren Cringes So Hard Her Organs Fold Into Themselves".

Aaaaand it's a vote for the latter!

The catch, of course, is that Asha Soetan is actually a professional dancer outside of Odd Squad. Isaac Kragten and Glee Dango got to show off their chops, so what's the director's excuse for her?

"Here comes the robot dance."

Somewhere, Oswald is seething by way of "SHE'S DANCING NORMALLY!!"

"One day, my robot dance will save us. Just like in "Oswald in the Machine" where-"

"Is now really the time to be bringing up past episodes?!"

"Right, right. My bad."

I'll admit, this episode hasn't made me laugh much so far...but Orli's becoming a strong contender for the comedy award for this round.

Ahhh, there it is. The "we're gonna get eaten" bit. That's the bitch. That's what I was hopin' for!

Either OddAir has some hella good leg room in a way not seen since the late 20th century, or this plane is hella crowded because they don't put all the suitcases up above the seats and under the plane and all that.

Also, dude got a seat where the row looks to be entirely empty. And plehn I have not been on, but that just barely seems possible.

(I'm choosing to ignore that we're getting another sleeping agent because at this point Omar is a man who needs a doctor and the law a sleep study.)

Even he's quoting the contrived-ass manual? GTFOH.

Oh. Yes. What I most want in my kids franchise about children in suits fighting oddness.

A POSSIBILITY OF FUCKING PLANE CRASHES.

Y'know, at least when Oprah's office had oxygen masks to breathe in, it was funny. Whether there will be a crash or not, this just made that age like milk left in the heat for three hours.

"So I'm afraid we'll be landing early, and hiding under our beds."

Ohhhh pilot, sweet summer child, if only you knew.

America has screaming children, people asking others to give up their seats for their children, and the most PR statements to ever PR when something goes wrong with no reimbursements.

The UK gives you free rail tickets if something goes wrong with your flight.

God Save Good Flying.

All right, I'm starting to see why that girl in the back looks like Olive.

One can dream...but it's not Olive.

(On to Part 2!)

[enderwolf91]

Hormones have been hitting hard I fucking hate this and need to rant feel free to ignore this I just needed to blow off some emotional steam while I take comfort in playing pokemon and reading Venture fics

It sucks being on the aromantic spectrum and wanting to be in a relationship but I'm just not equipped with what to do

I have no idea what romantic attraction really feels like, nor do I really know how to go about being a relationship and the few people I've actually felt some sort of attraction towards don't want to sit down and walk me through it like a child, cuz that's basically the level of knowledge I have on the topic, lower even

Not to mention the two relationships I have been in I was manipulated and used and treated like actual shit, so now I have major trust issues with new people even when I have things in common with them and we get along well. Cuz that's how I was manipulated, by having common interests.

So now I'm stuck in this awful state of wanting to be in a relationship and have a close connection with someone who I feel safe around and not worry about ulterior motives, but I have no idea how to make that happen and I'm terrified of trying again cuz I can't appeal to the 'romantics' without being told how to.

It's an emotional time for me and I hate everything. Shit my ex told me when we broke up ("im not romantic enough in our relationship" basically) has been eating the back of my mind even though I know it shouldn't. I'm on the aro spectrum for a reason, I've known this since I was a preteen. I mentioned it before we started dating and it never came up while we were dating. It's not like I didn't try, I just had no idea what I was doing and asked multiple times what I could do to improve and they never gave me an answer.

[bluejaysandblackbats]

The Brother Trap

Fandom: DC Comics, Flashfam

Summary: Owen wants to connect with his half-brothers for the first time. Luckily for him, they all go to the same university. Will bad blood between twins keep Owen from the family of his dreams, or is he the missing piece they've always needed?

Chapters: 1/?

Characters: Owen Mercer, Axel Walker, Thad Thawne, Bart Allen, Meloni Thawne, Deborah Morgna, Preston Lindsay, President Thaddeus Thawne Mention

Relationships: Owen Mercer/Axel Walker, Thad Thawne/Deborah Morgna, PrestonBart

Additional Tags: POV Third Person, College AU, Angst and Fluff, Family Dynamics, Family Issues, No Powers AU

Chapter One: Buzzed

"Bart!" Owen yelled as he followed the hooded figure out of the frat house. "Bart, wait! I need to talk to you!"

The hooded figure whipped around to face Owen in the rain. Owen stepped back and took a breath. "I'm not Bart! I'm not him!" Thad yelled. He stepped back and stumbled. "I'm just his twin! You know... Nobody! I'm just nobody!" Owen frowned as he scratched his head. He felt uncomfortable, being that he'd never heard of Thad.

"Well, I don't really need to talk to Bart. I didn't know you two were twins—."

"Yeah, we're fucking identical, which is part of why my week is going to shit," Thad let out a pained laugh as he yanked his hood off.

Owen's lips widened into a pained expression. "Oh... Well, it's—. It's yellow," Owen replied.

"Yeah? Well, that's what happens when you use cheap off-brand dye," Thad replied, "And now you're mistaking me for him. This night can't get any worse."

Owen shoved his hands in his pockets. "Listen, I um—. I'm sorry... I was gonna go get a burger," Owen mumbled, "Wanna come along?"

Thad pushed a hand through his wet hair and chewed on the offer for a moment. He nodded and followed Owen off-campus. Thad stumbled closely behind Owen and nearly walked into the street before Owen grabbed his arm. "Shit, be careful," Owen whispered. Thad's face twisted up, and he burst into tears. Owen sighed and pulled the hood over Thad's head, and he let Thad embrace him. "It's gonna be alright... Come on, the light's blinking. Let's go eat." Thad wiped his face and followed Owen across the street and into the restaurant.

"I want a kid's meal," Thad mumbled.

Owen covered his laugh and ordered two coffees with their meals so that Thad could sober up. The cashier looked at the two of them, and she smiled. Thad smiled back before turning his head away. Thad stumbled away and sat down at the table while Owen paid for the food. "He's so cute," she whispered, "Thad's in my psych class."

"Oh, yeah? He's my brother... He doesn't know it yet, though," Owen casually replied. She chuckled as if he were joking and gave him his receipt. Owen took it back to the table and waited for their number to get called.

Thad sat at the table with his face in his hands. "I'm not Bart... I'll never be Bart," Thad mumbled.

"Don't have to be Bart. Just be Thad. I just want to get to know you," Owen replied. Thad looked up at him, and Owen offered him a smile. The woman called their number, and Owen got up and brought the tray to the table. He urged Thad to drink the coffee before he started talking to him. "Thad—."

"Are we friends?" Thad asked.

"Yeah, sure. Drink your coffee," Owen whispered. Thad nibbled on his food. "You okay?"

Thad nodded. "Are you an only child, Owen?" Thad asked.

"I've got two brothers, but I don't know them yet—."

"Well, you're lucky. Brothers are not all that they're choked up to be," Thad interrupted as he ate another fry. Owen's shoulders dropped. "It's not that Bart's a bad guy. He's just a pain."

Thad shivered from the cold, and Owen nudged him. "Drink your coffee," Owen reminded him. Thad took a few sips of his coffee and held his face in his hands. "You good?"

Owen finished eating and put his garbage on the tray. "Can I sleep at your dorm?" Thad asked. Owen's eyes widened.

"I don't stay on campus, but yeah. Sure you can," Owen mumbled. Thad smiled and went back to eating. Owen drank his coffee, and he waited for nearly an hour while Thad nibbled on what remained of his kid's meal.

When he was done, Owen called an uber, and they drove to his apartment. Thad took off his jacket, and he crashed on Owen's couch. He lay down face first on the sofa, and Owen checked to make sure he was breathing. While Thad slept, Owen showered and changed into sweats. "Thad?" Owen thought to himself. He let out a breath of air as he went to bed. Thad made a soft breathing noise, and Owen lay awake, watching his brother sleep. "Nice to meet you, little brother," Owen mumbled.

Thad's phone rang, and Owen pulled it from his back pocket. He turned the ringer off and placed it face down on the coffee table. Owen looked down at Thad and wondered what it would've been like if they'd grown up together. Owen looked at the photo on Thad's phone case and chuckled. Thad seemed so happy in that picture with their mother. He wished he had the heart to tell Thad they were brothers, but the last thing he wanted was for Thad to shut him out.

Owen got back into bed and turned the tv on. He couldn't sleep. All he could think about was the similarities and differences in their looks.

Thad stirred a few times during the night, and at one point, he got up and stumbled around looking for the bathroom. "This is not my dorm," Thad mumbled to himself. Owen propped up on his elbows and squinted at Thad roaming around in the dark.

"You're in the kitchen. The bathroom is this way," Owen pointed out. Thad clumsily felt his way over to Owen's side of the apartment and closed the bathroom door behind him. Owen sat up and waited for Thad to come back. He wanted to talk, but Thad walked straight past him and passed out on the couch a second time. Owen thought it was funny that Thad didn't care that he was in a strange apartment. It made him feel like they'd grown up together. Thad didn't wake again after that, and Owen eventually drifted off to sleep.