#those so-called child starts are all victim of child abuse in some way or another

[loser-female]

Oh no, a victim of constant child abuse and overexposure is being cringe on the internet while being a lesbian, let's go and harass her.

[mhevarujta]

Seeing some claiming that Ellen is only her society's victim and not Orlok's and that those who think otherwise did not understand the movie is really funny actually.

There is obviously the fact that Eggers has actually said that Ellen is a victim of the vampire. But even if he hadn't, Ellen herself expresses that when Orlok took her as his lover what started as sweet and blissful became torture and she felt like it would kill her. He hurt HER first even before he started hurting her loved ones to get to her. So yes, Ellen is his victim. The fact that she called for 'anything' when she was a teen does not change the fact that THIS is not what she thought she was signing up for. She outright expresses that she was "but an innocent child" and this is not Ellen infanitlizing herself. This is her expressing that she was young and was taken advantage of.

In fandom I've come across two camps:

Some think that this is the way to express that Ellen is strong and has agency, because they cannot fathom the idea that victims can be strong and reclaim their ability to choose. They think of victims as broken toys.

Then there are those who simply don't want Ellen to be Orlok's victim because they ship Ellen x Orlok and don't want to engage with the aspects of the ship that don't fit their sanitized headcanons that completely erase what the female character of the movie canonically goes through.

In both cases I've seen some who deny that desire and arousal are natural physical responses and that sexuality is not always logical or emotional and can very much coexist with abuse.

I've said this before and I'm being repetitive: Ellen is fictional. Any opinions on her are technically harmless. But sometimes the way fiction is perceived is demonstative of a person's way of thinking. Like, it's one thing to say "I understand what Ellen says, but I love the gothic elements, the yearning, the sensuality etc. and at the end of the day it's fiction". It's another thing to not be able to perceive abuse at all, even if it's in media.

[dailyadventureprompts]

Villain: Dreava Bleek, Gallowood Sheriff

It's a gruesome business enforcing the law, especially when the laws are written by an aristocracy who wants their subjects submissive and terrified and it's your business to keep them that way.

There have always been people like Dreava Bleek, blunt instruments that enforce the social order so those at the top needn't bloody their hands. They do it for many reasons; coin, ambition, sadism, but in the case of this villain it's misplaced righteousness: Dreava has had a hatred burning in the pit where her heart should be since she was a child, a bone deep conviction that if people just knew their place and followed the rules that the world could be a place of pace. Nevermind the powerful that abuse the system for their own gain, nevermind the starving poor who break the law only to fill their bellies. In Dreava's word there are only good citizens and criminals, and criminals will hang.

Adventure Hooks:

Dreava earned both her reputation and her title in her campaign against the Gallerwood outlaws, a band of highwaymen who were famed for robbing everyone from wizards and duchesses and who Dreava left hanging from the trees along the edge of their forest. After her little stunt folks started calling the area "Gallowwood" and speaking of how her victims still haunt the roads looking for one last take. Some others mention a secret hideout that the sheriff never found, in which the thieves kept their most valued treasures.

The two easiest ways for the party to end up in Dreava's sights are to already be criminals, or to make themselves the enemy of some belligerent noble who can accuse them (accurately or not) of some transgression of the law

Backgorund: Dreava was young when darkness was wrought upon her soul, when a series of poor harvests and overstepping officials saw her little village rise with its neighbours in a revolt against their feudal overlord. She lost her home and her mother not in the uprising itself but in the violent pillage the lord's forces were allowed after its brutal suppression.

A flip of the coin and Dreava could have been a rebel fighting against authority, but in those grim days the alchemy of terror instilled in her an understanding of just what happens when the poor overstep the place allotted to them by their betters.

Since then her life has followed a pattern. Get hired on by some lord after having difficulty with bandits or other such rabblerousers. Make a show of brutal violence that seems to put an end to the problem for good. Continue to build her reputation until she either becomes her patron's bloody left hand, making their followers just as brutal and jackbooted as she is. End up entering into the service of another lord either on recommendation or after she's ousted for some violence that not even the benefice of the nobility can forgive.

Further Adventures:

Rather than a head on confrontation, Dreava will seek to bait the party into a trap, either by setting up an ambush or going after their known associates. Coerce, intimidate, brutalize, leashed in only by the very limit of what the law might allow. If she doesn't have proof of the party's guilt she'll drag them off to a dungeon to await a sham trial (from which they might be able to escape), but if she's been given the goahead by her superiors she'll gladly execute the heroes in the field, a grim situation which has it's own escape methods.

All her life the sheriff had sworn by the goddess Erathis, seeing herself as a champion of law and civilization. What a surprise for her then after the heroes sever her soul from her body to awake in the halls of the lord of all hells.  While the other gods turned their heads away in shame and disgust, Asmodeus watched with appreciation as Dreava bent her life to punishing sinners, and now offers her the chance to do so again, this time in his service. With a new master to serve and chip on her shoulder against the party Dreava will gladly agree, emerging from her damnation with a newly fiendish form. Consider having her emerge as a surprise villain several levels after the party thought her dead, and the head of a band of fiendish cultists.

Art

[warblogs17282]

So, I've been thinking about Stolas and the divorce proceedings again, and the more I think about it, the more that I come to the conclusion that Stolas is gonna lose hard if he ends up appearing in court in regards to the divorce proceedings.

Let's start with a quick refresher on things, the show has given us a few things that can point us to the conclusion that there's been divorce proceedings happening in the background.

'You leave with Via on weekends.'

and the fact that a lot of things in Stolas' palace now seems to be wrapped up in some sort of material.

(Just so we're clear Stolas is absolutely the victim here, I'm just speaking like how someone with no prior knowledge of the situation would look at it, and that Stolas did not 'cheat' on Stella, for reasons that Stolas himself said.)

Getting back to the subject, I mainly think that Stolas is gonna get an unfavorable outcome in the courts regarding the divorce proceedings for one main reason. It'll turn into a 'he said she said' situation real quickly.

Let's think this through, who do you think the people looking over the divorce proceedings are going to believe the most? The socially awkward person, who, to everyone on the outside, decided to cheat on her with a seemingly random imp? Or the one who Andrealphus described as quote 'attractive' and has to the people overlooking the divorce proceedings, done almost nothing wrong, making her the victim of Stolas cheating on her to them?

I know you're most likely thinking of a few points right now, so let's discuss those as well.

1: 'Stolas could just mention the abuse he's suffered.'

That's also gonna turn into a 'he said she said' situation real fast as well.

Cause to start, the overt abuse in front of Octavia in s1 e2 will most likely just end up getting overlooked for the most part, considering that this takes place after Stolas 'cheated' on Stella, meaning that the people in the courts will most likely offer Stella at minimum a bit of sympathy in regards to this specifically.

There's also this in s1 e2, where Stolas tries to explain to Octavia about the arranged marriage in a somewhat private area, but ultimately ends up not being able to get the points out, so there's always that chance that Stolas just ends up not being able to explain his side of the arranged marriage properly, including the abuse, which wouldn't help Stolas' case at all. Although considering that Stolas was able to stand up to Stella in s2 e1, I do imagine that Stolas would be able to explain his side of the story in court, especially considering everything that has happened since then.

There's also the fact that no one other than Stolas, the victim, actually knows about the abuse that took place before Stolas 'cheated' on her.

Plus, as far as we know, Stolas has zero evidence to prove that the abuse he suffered at the hands of Stella actually happened. The only possible way I think of Stolas having evidence of the abuse is via some sort of CCTV, or maybe a testimony from a butler that happened to overhear the abuse, but unless one of those two things happen, Stolas mentioning the abuse before he 'cheated' on Stella is gonna be yet another 'he said she said' situation.

The picture of Stella as a child may also be playing on your mind as well. This picture doesn't exactly prove anything, considering it only speaks to her character, not being able to prove that Stella actually abused Stolas before he 'cheated' on her to the people overlooking the case.

And then there's the matter of if this picture of Stella is even still around anywhere, considering how long it's been since that picture was taken it could very well just be lost to time.

Another angle you may be thinking of is 'Stella literally hired Striker to kill Stolas.'

That's also gonna turn into a 'he said she said' situation as well unless one of three things happens:

The butler holding the phone in the ending of s1 e5 gets called in as a witness and gives testimony saying that Stella did say "I want this cheating prick dead! I don't care who you have to go through, MAKE IT HAPPEN!"

Striker gets caught by authorities and confesses that Stella is one of his clients.

I don't think that kind of phone saves numbers, but maybe if it does keep a log, and there's logs of Stella's conversations with Striker on it.

All three of these things however I don't exactly see a high chance of occurring if the divorce proceedings do end up going to court however, meaning that unless one of those three things happen, there's zero evidence Stolas can use to prove Stella actually hired Striker, because with how serious a charge like that would be, there's gonna need to be much more than just testimony for a conviction.

So, in conclusion: I believe that if the divorce proceedings between Stella and Stolas ends up going to court, Stolas is gonna end up getting an unfavorable outcome from it, especially considering that, to what we know now, there's not really any/much evidence that Stolas can use to prove Stella was abusive to him before he 'cheated' on Stella, and there's also not much/any evidence that Stolas can use to prove that Stella hired Striker to kill Stolas.

[barksdalesballs]

headcanons abt Donnie b.

PART 1.

word count: ≈670.

TW: s/a, domestic violence, the MENTION of racism & homophobia & LITERAL OPINIONS DON'T BE MAD.

Alright, I want to begin this by discussing the way I personally view Donnie Barksdale. Unlike a lot of people who have seen The Gift, I don’t view Donnie as this great and terrible monster. Some people simply see the racism and abuse and run with it, and while I see that, I also take into consideration that Donnie could have REASONS for behaving that way. Of course, nothing actually justifies racism or abusing your spouse/partner.

This post won’t JUST be headcanons, either, but instead it will be a mix of headcanons and some evidence that I have picked up.

---

Starting with evidence that is most believable: I think Donnie Barksdale was molested or sexually groomed as a child, as well as being physically and mentally abused. Why would I believe that? Well, Keanu Reeves himself HAS said those exact words himself. Not only that, but Donnie deliberately cheats on his wife, even though he knows it is “unchristian” and makes him a bad husband, to have sex with another woman. For some victims of S/A, hypersexuality comes from it as a result. Just because he is aware that it could be wrong, doesn’t mean that he will stop. Hypersexuality can override logical thought processes for some. This desire to go out and cheat on Valerie could also be a projection of childhood trauma involving a father figure. There is no telling WHO did it, but it could have been his father on a drunken night, or maybe some of his fathers friends. It could even be his mother for all that we know.

The emotional and physical childhood abuse could come from MANY different aspects. Donnie’s father could have been cheating on his mother and could have hit Donnie to ensure that his lips stay shut, but it could also be something as quiet as his father infiltrating his thoughts with racist thoughts and opinions that he may not have had before. One of the biggest things I think his father engraved into his head is homophobia. BUT, I strongly believe that Donnie is bisexual or queer of some sort.

It may just sound like I am projecting onto him, but if his mind IS filled with those thoughts, why would he be SOOOO insecure about Valerie leaving him? Sometimes, a queer man like that will force himself into a marriage with a woman, happy or not, just to disguise the fact that he is queer. Perhaps he really is so dependent on Val’s loyalty because he is hiding something like that. Also, if his father would have found out about potential queerness as a child, it would give him another reason to hit Donnie. This physical abuse could have left Donnie with a desire to scare “weaker beings” (his wife, Annie, Annie’s kids), because he NEEDS to be seen as a tough, dominant man, not as a queer weakling, like his father would have seen.

On top of probably hitting / S/A’ing Donnie, his father most likely hit his mother, too. Donnie could have been raised in an environment where it was “normal” for a husband to beat wife—after all, sometimes kids don’t know better until they are in their teens.

And lastly, for discussing the reasons as to why I think he behaves this way, I think his fear re-manifests inside of him. I mean, look at the scene where they find the body in his pond. He’s obviously terrified to see her body there, but then a few seconds later he’s yelling and spitting at Annie while he gets dragged away by the police. The one officer, when Annie calls them to her house after Donnie breaks in, quite-literally says that Donnie is “high-strung”. Which…if you don’t know what that means, it means to be nervous and easily upset.

---

here's the video of Keanu mentioning Donnie being possibly abused so I don't look crazy:

anddd this isn't everything I want to post, I'll eventually add more head canons about him in the future. for now I wanna focus on his background.

[clangenrising]

Now I try and look for nuance in many writings I come by, trying to analyze the story and the characters... but there are times when I just feel some undying hatred for those in the city, despite knowing that there are a few—if not many—who do not approve of the society that they were born in.

It's harder to look past the characters who easily take the lives of others with such ease. But then again, they were probably fed the wrong information and told horrible falsehoods that make them believe that the murder of the "savage" clan cats is somehow justified, when in fact they just killed a child that had so much ahead of her and took the life of a mother that still had many more things to laugh about with her daughters and teach them.

There are (hopefully) more cats like Schmidt, Luna, and Jo that'll be able to help change a few of the perspectives within the city. I don't have any theories as to how the city dwellers would've known (?) to attack during the gathering, but I'm sure Sardine or another may have merely been speaking to Mystique, which ended up in her mentioning the gathering and perhaps in a fit of sorts, mentioned the fact that she had children back by the clans. I'd like to think that she didn't just willingly spew out all the information that Sardine needed for his barrage... she didn't want to be a mother in the first place, so why would she intentionally help bring them back?

Anyway! Just wanted to share my thought process/thoughts. Love you're writing!

(Formerly known as Vonmunin/Vonrozen, I just have a very indecisive mind when it comes to online aliases, but we change as we grow right?)

Thanks for making study breaks entertaining!

You're definitely not in the wrong to hate Sardine and his gang. As much as I think trying to empathize with fascists and see them as real people and understand why they are the way they are is important, it definitely never means that you have to like them or excuse the harm they do or not punch them in the face when necessary.

I think the important thing is to let yourself get angry but make sure you're never dehumanizing them into a totally evil Other. That's where we get into dangerous territory. Dehumanization always leads to bad things, no matter who is being dehumanized.

If you'd like to try empathizing with hateful, violent people who may have been taken advantage of or lied to by more powerful fascists, I recommend this video from The Alt Right Playbook called "How to Radicalize A Normie."

Or this one which is a bit more in depth, "Isolation, Engulfment, and Pain: Why the Alt Right is Like an Abusive Relationship"

These videos are some of my favorite things on the internet and they really helped me understand how most alt righters are (or at least start out as) victims of other fascists. Really, I strongly urge all of you to watch.

As for Mystique, I think the last piece we saw her in where Sardine reached out to her shows that she is in a very vulnerable place and he is willing and able to manipulate her while she's in that state. She says out loud "I'm not going to help you kill them all" or something like that, so it stands to reason, whatever information she gave she gave under false pretenses.

[theuntamedangel]

The longer BNHA goes on, the more I start to ask this question.

Is this a story worth telling?

It brought up some interesting things to think about like what it really means to be a hero and if villains really are evil or people that society failed.

But then comes the muddled messages, characters that barely do anything significant other than to be plot devices, the overhyping of one character that ruins the purpose and development of the main character, and the inconsistencies and conclusions that characters come to that makes little to no sense.

Then you just have a story that just goes NOWHERE!

Because let's be honest, how much will society actually change by the end of it all? How will it treat quirkless and those with less than stellar quirks? And will they actually allow people like Bakugou to become heroes all because they "try really hard"?

Hi there, @theloganator101 First off, thank you for the question.

Also, TLDR.

Long before, I had made a somewhat similar post, talking about the same points. What makes a hero a hero? Because it's more than wearing a cape and punching issues and problems into submission. Bad guys simply go to jail and rot till their dying breath. And why is the world of BNHA so black and white? So 'this is good and this is bad'? We have a very compartmentalized version of human society. But you and I both know very well that human nature, human social interactions are the most complex and difficult things to understand. And even though I had seen these flaws in the series much earlier, I was still forgiving of the author because I genuinely thought he would eventually come around and explain why things are they way in the BNHA verse. But that NEVER happened at any point in the series so forget about Hori addressing these issues now because BNHA as a whole doesn't matter.

It's a no brainer to say that the job of a 'hero' is to save the day. But what about those who are the victims of school bullying? (cough cough BkDk is a totally normal and a healthy relationship, you're just a homophobe if you dont ship them) or those who had to keep their voice and entire existence heavily suppressed because your marriage was just a means to an end? (Endeavour is a loving husband, a doting father and a hard working hero) What about those kids who are victims of child abuse, child neglect and discrimination? (the Todoroki kids, Shigaraki, Toga and heck, even low key Spinner grew up in loving and healthy households). The Creature Rejection Clan was created to combat racism and All Might, someone who's name itself reduced crime in Japan by a half simply by existing, did NOTHING against the CRC. I thought 'heroes' were meant to protect the weak and deliver justice to the evil doers irrespective of who or what they are. I thought that's what's really meant to be a hero, to be defenders of mankind. Because lets face it, what's the difference between a villain who kills and a hero who abuses his family members on a physical, mental and an emotional level? What are the required criteria to judge these very two damnable actions with a bias attitude?

Which brings me to another question: Why are the students at UA high only taught martial or physical training? Don't they have special classes where they have to moral education classes or something along those line? Besides the rigorous physical training they need to fight against heroes, they have normal, regular-degular academic curriculum. These so called heroes-in-training are well educated in the art of understanding the topography of a battle field but the system has FAILED to educate the kids to understand why villains are the way they are. The entire system, the root itself, the very foundation of the hero society, FAILED to protect what they claimed to be. People like Toga, Dabi, Overhaul, Spinner, Shigaraki, Twice, Stain, Magne, are all nothing but the products of the hero society, the actual end result of this superficial, celebrity-like lifestyle of hero worship. But many fail to see beyond the stars and shimmers of this artificially constructed world.

The above points are heavily tied to Stain's ideologies. He didn't put up arms and struggles against the hero society for nothing. He knew what he was doing.

This may not be the answer that you're looking for but the way I see it, the MHA story shows us a horrifying representation of our already dark and twisted world but that's where it stops. It wants to do nothing with it because the story doesn't know where to go with it and how to go about doing it. It started something it couldn't finish. It created issues it couldn't solve. So the plot choose a different path to tread upon: focus on the popular people from the hero society who are highly questionable and romanticize their words and actions. It doesn't matter if you faced quirk discrimination or worse, became a butt of ridicule for not having any quirk at all. So long as a bully has given a half baked ''apology'' and works hard to be a hero to satisfy their own ego, it's all good at the end of the day. Self worth issues, self inflicted bodily harm, lack of self worth received by the victim (definitely NOT Izu because Bk treats him with utmost respect and comradery), all melt away due to the power of 'apology' and friendship. It teaches us that celebrity worship, fake sense of heroism, the desire to be the top at the expanse of others are to be treated with normalcy because the show must go on no matter what. The other message is that it's ok be a wife beater and a bully so long as you're doing it for heroism, name, fame, recognition.

Our priorities in the MHA universe are all messed up. We don't even have an inkling of a thought about how Izu feels about quirkless discrimination and the manga is wrapping itself up. So all the answers we can provide ourselves with regarding the matter will be head canon.That's why the main message of the story is that it fails on so many levels in terms of writing a morally upright story. The main hero of our story is nothing to offer, no words of hope and encouragement. That's the other message it has conveyed to us. I'm not saying this, the manga has proven to us time and again what i just said. The other thing it hammers home is the fact that, so long as you're a hero, your unjust behavior will be swept under the rug by your school and higher authorities. The message that MHA time and again conveys is that it loves hypocrisy and double standards. These are the solid reasons as to why the plot cannot logically and cohesively march forward.

"With great power comes with great responsibility" and the MHA verse failed to understand this concept by becoming the very thing the villains are condemned for in this series. That, my friend, is the general message of the story. That, my friend, is the moral lesson of the MHA verse.

#MHA critical thinking #bk is a bully #Izu deserved better #Izu is the protagonist not Bk #Izu matters Bk doesnt #Hori cant write shit

[infwctednyacifier]

A Discussion On Plurality.

Two days ago, the owner of my school’s Newspaper posted my plurality article. Here it is, for all of my 36 followers and anybody else who sees :3

Author(s); Zephyr (he/it/fae/zir/thon/ae/cy)

For more information on us, see inbox us on schoology.

In this article, we will discuss plurality as a whole, as well as explain terms within the plural community to further educate you, the reader, and others who have an interest in plurality. We’re open to any questions about plurality and any inquiries should be directed to our schoology inbox.

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶

I’m sure a lot of the population are aware of Dissociative Identity Disorder or DID, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder or MPD. It’s a disorder infamous for causing plurality or the presence of multiple identities in one body. DID is very commonly associated with extreme trauma, causing a disruption in the victim’s identity and allowing other identities to form, hence why it’s called Dissociative Identity Disorder; the disorder causes the victim to dissociate from their identity and very often, it’s before their identity has even fully formed.

Although people think DID can only be caused by trauma, this is incorrect because DID is not a trauma disorder; it’s a dissociative disorder. Although there are no exact non-traumatic reasons for DID, it can happen without trauma and some theories include roleplaying or acting as another character causing your brain to split that character into its own identity, genetics, and (nontraumatic) childhood experiences. One theory of non-traumatic DID is repeated stress occurring to a young child which doesn’t have to be abuse and can be something such as frequent moving.

To simplify this paragraph, DID is very often trauma based but it is not a trauma disorder and can form without abuse. DID is simply stress causing someone to dissociate or fully space out to cope with stress and, eventually, this causes other identities to form because the person acts differently as a way to protect themself or in an attempt to find a way to make everything better such as acting out an aggressive personality when you feel unsafe resulting in an aggressive identity forming in your mind.

Another thing about non-traumatic plurality is that it can actually be intentional. There’s a plethora of terms that refer to when plurality is not caused by trauma and we will explain those terms to you.

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶

First of all, we want to explain that these terms end with ‘genic’ which is a shortened form of ‘generated’ so these terms essentially mean ‘generated by’.

Traumagenic. Traumagenic plurality is the most common type of plurality. It is formed by repetitive trauma during one’s childhood.

Endogenic. Endogenic plurality is simply non-traumagenic plurality. It is the umbrella term for all kinds of plurality that formed without trauma and is often used by system’s who prefer to not be specific about their system’s origin.

Traumaendo. Traumaendo plurality is between traumagenic and endogenic which can refer to when a system who originally formed because of trauma develops their own headmates, whether it’s intentional or not.

Median. Median plurality is when a system is not ‘fully plural’ or a system who is between plural and singlet. It’s often described as when those within the system are not their own full identities and are not fully separate from one another. In simple terms, those within the system are not as distinct as other systems.

Singlet. Singlet is a word used for those who aren’t plural and are simply one identity.

Tulpamancy. Tulpamancy actually didn’t originate from the plural community and is actually a Tibetan Buddhist practice. Although the true origin date of Tulpamancy is not known, it’s considered to be 1929 as that is the year that Tulpamancy was brought to the attention of the wider public. Tulpamancy became more popular in online spaces in the 2000’s. This practice was also started by the Dalai Lama. There’s a lot of stigma around those who are not Tibetan or Buddhist using Tulpamancy but the Dalai Lama are okay with what they say is sharing cultures. As long as the person who is using tulpamancy is using it in a non-harmful way, they are more than welcome to continue.

Imagimancy. Imagimancy is similar to tulpamancy but instead of tulpas, imagimancy actually forms something closer to imaginary friends.

Polyfragmented. Polyfragmented is a term used to refer to systems who have a headcount of 100 or more and very often have many subsystems within, creating layers within the system.

Subsystem. Subsystem refers to systems that form within the original system. One example can be a headmate within the original system splits and forms their own headmates, creating a smaller (or sometimes bigger) system within the original system.

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶

Another thing we want to bring up is the stigma around plurality or, more specifically, being public about your status as plural. Often, systems are open about their plurality only online for fear of negative reactions. There are many online accounts dedicated to the lives of, and discussions around, systems. The website with the most systems is Tumblr, where there are tags and communities dedicated to systems where they can be open about their origins, discuss similar headmates, and find others who identify with similar terms.

We also want to discuss disabilities, both mental and physical, within systems. Certain headmates can have certain disabilities meanwhile others don’t, despite this being seemingly ‘impossible’ to others outside of the plural community. One example would be the infamous case of a woman in Germany.

In 2015, a 33 year old woman named B.T. slowly lost her vision after a car crash caused serious head and brain damage. Interestingly enough, B.T. had (diagnosed) DID. After around 4 years in psychotherapy and a discussion about a rather traumatic event which helped B.T. work over it, she was, shockingly, able to read a magazine cover. It was noticed that more and more of her headmates were regaining their sight. Amazingly, a brain scan revealed that while certain headmates fronted, parts of the brain regarding sight remained inactive but with other headmates, that part of the brain was active, meaning that while some headmates couldn’t see, others could.

The doctors came to the conclusion that B.T.’s blindness was actually psychogenic blindness. Psychogenic blindness is a kind of conversion disorder or a physical condition not explained by physical damage and is instead caused by extremely traumatic events. Alongside blindness, paralysis and muteness can also be caused by conversion disorders.

Soon enough, after a lot of treatment and continued psychotherapy, out of the 10 headmates in B.T.’s system, only 2 still couldn’t see.

Even now, doctors are stumped by how it seemed the impaired vision could seemingly be switched on and off, but that’s just how conversion disorders work; while they may present as incurable disorders, with enough treatment, they reveal themselves to simply be conversion disorders. This reveal comes with progress in recovery, such as a seemingly paralyzed man regaining the use of his limbs via muscle therapy.

Another thing the doctors said about B.T. and her blindness was that it wasn’t real blindness–B.T.’s loss of sight was actually a coping mechanism. To try and explain this bizarre case, B.T.’s brain endured so much stress from the car crash that it didn’t want to have to see what was going on around it, causing B.T. and her system to go blind so they wouldn’t have to see and suffer. The case of B.T. and her blindness is one of many cases in which a medical issue only affects certain headmates while leaving the rest unaffected.

And, while we’re on the topic of certain issues affecting certain headmates, let’s talk about holders.

They’re headmates who ‘hold’ specific issues such as a mental or physical issue. One example would be if the system suffers from a plethora of issues, whether mental or physical, certain headmates will be chosen or decide to hold one or more of the issues and be the person who deals with that issue specifically. For example, let’s say a system has schizotypal personality disorder. One headmate could be chosen to or decide to ‘hold’ SPD and when issues caused by SPD arise, that headmate will deal with it since they hold that disorder. Or it could be a physical disability that causes a need for a cane which would make it so that headmate specifically deals with everything relating to the issue and often also deals with anything regarding accommodations for that issue such as shopping for canes.

A headmate could also be the holder of something that isn’t exactly a mental or physical issue, such as a headmate could be the obsessive love holder and simply holds and deals with obsessive attraction.

There are also a plethora of other roles such as gatekeeper, other kinds of holders such as memory or trauma holders, soothers, caretakers, and the list goes on. Roles can also be just what the headmate is, such as if the headmate is under 18, they’re a ‘little’, ‘middle’, or a ‘syskid/systeen’. The list of roles within system’s are truly endless and if you want to read about them, you can find them here, listed in alphabetical order on the official Pluralpedia page;

Now, to end this article, we want to kind of further discuss plural language, more specifically, the use of I/me/my and We/us/ours.

You see, you may or may not have noticed but throughout this article, we haven’t used the personalI/me/my. We’ve instead used the plural We/us/ours. And, seeing as how this article is talking about plurality and, if you’ve checked the first link, the use of two specific flags, you’ve most likely come to the conclusion that we are not a ‘singlet’ but instead a collective. And if you have, you’re completely correct. To be more specific, we’re a Median system of 4-5 who are also users of imagimancy.

Now, we’ve reached the conclusion of this article.

Once more, if you have any questions regarding plurality, direct them to our schoology inbox. We’re also open to any questions regarding our identity as a collective.

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶

Credits to our sources;

List of roles;

The article about B.T.’s coping blindness;

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2015/11/24/the-blind-woman-who-switched-personalities-and-could-suddenly-see/

Explained terms; Ourself but full dictionary should be credited to the Pluralpedia (listed above).

[httyddragonfox]

Saeran's abuse in the Ray Route.

There are several kinds of abuse, and for the Ray Route I believe Cheritz pulled out all the stops. What's worse is this is reflecting the kind of abuse Saeran himself went through.

Yeah, and we're supposed to forgive him for a good ending. Well, we are the ones who wanted a Unknown route, and Unknown is already dangerous, so what were we really expecting? We were getting what we asked for.

Let's break down all the different kinds of abuse explored in the Ray Route. WARNING: This may be triggering for some people, (especially those who have encountered similar abuse in the past) that is why I'm only including this section for those who believe they can handle it.

Physical: the most well known kind of abuse. Leaving marks on another person's body, due to rage or a form of control. Saeran inflicts this by biting us, pinning us against hard surfaces, and later squeezing our arms roughly with an intention of killing us. Saeran's mother apparently did every form of physical abuse under the sun. She pulled his hair, his arms roughly, strangled him, and hit him. He went through every day believing she was going to hurt him.

Neglect: Mainly seen in the form of child abuse, but can be used on older people as well. For starters, we are locked in our room, similarly to how he was tied up in his mom's kitchen. This denies someone freedom of movement. Also, seeing as we are denied freedom of movement, we cannot feed ourselves. Denying food for someone is a good way to make someone weak enough so you can control them, also there is a constant threat of starvation, this way you feel more grateful when they feed you and this can induce Stockholm syndrome. Saeran's mother denied him food and water plenty of times, so much so Rika and V were shocked at the state they found him in. In Ray's route we're denied food enough that we get a little skinnier, enough for Ray to notice (Only a couple days worth, but okay).

Emotional: Very subtle form of abuse, it's where your emotions are not treated with validation. What we do see from Saeran, he treats our emotions as forms of entertainment. Asking to show us different emotions, unsympathetic to how we are actually feeling. If we cry, he laughs; he taunts us into getting mad so he could "mess" with us more. Moreover, he plays with our feelings of love we have for Ray, saying we're idiots for doing so, and saying it's not real when we don't act accordingly. Saeran's mother told him to not be happy just because he was alive, and it made him feel like there was no reason to be happy. His brother wasn't around to make him feel happy otherwise, so he ended up feeling miserable.

Verbal: This one can be overlooked as just spats, but if unchecked can lead to trauma. Verbal abuse is the form of constant yelling, threats and insults directed towards a person in order to make them feel lesser and keep them in line. Saeran started insulting us the first moment he got, saying our smell is terrible, we're terrible, we're an idiot, we're an airhead, we're living in a fantasy, we're useless. He constantly threatens us with cleansing, being to moved to the basement and tortured worse, being killed. In the Bad Ending, he threatens us more by saying he'll get a girlfriend who's better than us. Saeran was also insulted by his mother tons, who called him a waste of space, an airhead, useless, and so on. She also threatened him a lot, mainly under threat of death. She kept telling him that she was going to "throw him away."

Psychological: this one is quite terrifying and dangerous. This is where the abuser makes the victim think they are the problem, where they try to control every aspect of their life (What they eat, what they do, what they think, what they wear, etc), and where they isolate them so the victim can only depend on the abuser. This abuse is usually employed so that the abuser can get away with the other forms of abuse. With Saeran, he immediately let's us know he's watching all of our social activity, hacking in to both a call from V and a chat room with Jaehee to remind us not to say anything. Later he has a camera installed in our room so he can watch everything we do. He makes sure that no other believer can enter our room, just him and the savior. In a later call he tells us he's all we've got, so we have to do everything he says if we want to survive. When he cuts off contact from the RFA, he tells us that the RFA didn't even need us and they don't even miss us. Whenever he's about to hurt us, he reminds us of our "faults:" choosing to go there in the first place, encouraging ray, talking back to him, backing away from him, etc. He tries to control us by telling us to be silent, only saying "Yes" to whatever he says. In the Bad Ending he gives us gifts and then cruelly takes them away saying we don't deserve them. Saeran's mother was similar, in the Christmas DLC he was told he didn't deserve presents because he was a naughty kid. He was constantly reminded of the threat of his father so that he'd stay inside with his mother. Even when his mother died, he was sad because she never left him. His mother constantly demanded his obedience and his silence, wanting him to be silent if not saying "yes" to whatever she said.

Sexual: This involves touching those inappropriately or doing sexual or romantic acts towards them without their consent, or otherwise coercing the victim to take part in said acts, removing their bodily autonomy. This is normally between couples or potential couples, but can be between generational gaps such as parent and child (Those people deserve to burn). This is actually something that never happened to Saeran (thank god), but Saeran likes us. With everything else applied, he's going to be forceful with this one. He bites us on the neck, pins us against hard surfaces, gets in our personal space and tries to get us to kiss him, with threats of torture if we don't. In the 2nd Bad Ending, it's implied this is more recurring.

There is also another one, that is sometimes used, but not often.

Substance: This is where someone drugs the victim without their consent. This is usually done to make them infantile, weak (poisoned) make them vulnerable to sexual abuse, or to make them a doll (for any reason). Saeran endured this with Rika as a form of brainwashing, and wants us to endure it in other routes. Of course in his route, he says we don't deserve it. The irony there, we trade out being drugged for being insulted and threatened.

[annashadowstar]

Name: Lay Copperbottom

Age: 9

Sexual: Non-binary

Height: 115cm

Pronoun: They/them.

From: Mix of China and American.

Birthday: May 21

Family: Chris Galeforce(Big brother), Reginald Copperbottom(Dad) RHM(Father)

Background:

Lay goes by a different name, Lily Dreamer, which they despise. Therefore, they prefer to be addressed as Lay Dreamer. Lay's parents had been treating them very badly since they only want a boy so he can run the company. Lay has a big brother, Daniel Dreamer, aka Chris. Chris also didn't like his name and is called Chris. Chris's parents also hate him since he acts nothing like his parents and keeps being nice to Lay, even though they tell him to abuse Chris. On Lay's 4th Birthday, Chris gives Lay a scarf as a present. before kicking Chris out of the house. Chris exited the house, while Lay begs their brother not to leave them. Lay had been living with their 'parents' for 4 years, suffering. When Lay had enough, they use their magic for the first time, killing their parents from rage, and burn the house down. Lay then run into the streets and live there for a few days until they steal from the Toppat Clan. The Toppat leader, Reginald Copperbottom, notices the chaos Lay had done and decides to adopt Lay as his own child. Lay's last name was now changed to Copperbottom. Their job was to show the new Toppat member around the ship so they have a lot of free time.

Magic/Power

Lay possesses three distinct types of magic: string manipulation, time travel (like Henry), and the ability to communicate with ghosts, curses, and spirits. Whenever Lay utilizes their magic, the right side of their eyes will turn blue, except when communicating with ghosts.

Strings

Lay's strings could be as hard as a diamond or as soft as cotton. Usually, when someone was tied up by Lay's strings, they will need to cut it, untangle it, or wait for Lay to get them down. Untangling the strings will be very confusing since it's all around the victim's body. If you want to cut the string, you might need to start from the top of the string, it will help to untangle much more easily.

Time-travel

Lay has a similar magical quality to that of Henry Stickmin. When faced with a decision, Lay must choose a path and move forward. If their choice leads to failure, they will return to a void and have the opportunity to learn from their mistakes and retry. Lay will remember both their own ending and Henry's, as this magic requires no further explanation.

Communicating with ghosts(I don't think I need to explain this, right?)

Lay possessed the unique ability to communicate with ghosts, spirits, and even curses. They had the gift of sight, sound, and touch, but only if the spirits permitted. Due to the fact that most people are unable to see ghosts, Lay's actions of embracing thin air may have been misunderstood by some.

Bonus magic

In times of crisis, Lay can rely on their brother's magical powers. However, this ability comes with a cost - Lay's energy will be drained completely after borrowing their brother's magic. To activate this power, Lay's left eye turns yellow while their right eye turns blue. This also serves as a means to determine if their brother is still alive. If he has passed away, the power will not be accessible. Following the use of Chris's magic, Lay will inevitably lose consciousness and sleep to recharge their energy, causing concern among those close to them. Another way to gain energy is by eating some food. Lay could also borrow Kai’s power. But since they have no idea they have a big sister, they didn’t borrow her magic. Yeah f they did borrow Kai’s magic, both of their eyes will turn teal green.

Personality

Lay is usually very kind, helpful, and curious. If you got their bad side, they will hurt you. They are still a Toppat member after all. Lay is good at everything that has to do with crimes. Like snicking, shooting, parkour, and a lot more. They have a lot of scars due to the abuse from their 'parents.' Another reason why they are wearing a scarf is to hide the scarf on their neck. The pink rose circle on their cheeks is also a scar.

Lay has a penchant for pranks, but they limit themselves to once a week. During April Fool's Day, one must exercise caution around them. Lay shows remarkable intelligence for their age, understanding how most things operate without formal education.

Like: Helping other people and pranks.

Dislike: People hurting their families.

Hair color: Brown

Go Back to the introduction

I use Grammarly so don't judge me!

[llyfrenfys]

Adding in my 2 cents as a trans guy too with my own story.

I don't talk to my parents any more for many reasons, but back when I was forced to live under their roof, closeted for safety, I tried to run away as a teenager. I actually tried to run away twice, but this was my more serious attempt. I was not gendered as a boy in any way, shape or form due to being closeted, so frustratingly I was seen by everyone as a cis 'girl'. This is the story of how my own dad "Vulnernable Young 'Girl'ed" me to my face after I returned home.

I packed my school bag as usual, but packed a bit more for lunch than I normally would. It was PE day, so I had my PE bag with me, which I'd stuffed with extra clothes. I set my alarm for 4am and slipped out of the house quietly. I usually left the house earlier than my parents anyway so they wouldn't twig until I was late coming home.

Off I went to school and had my school day. I changed into my spare clothes from my PE bag, which I'd also stuffed toiletries and medication into. Instead of going home, I hung around in the town centre. I had no plan other than to literally just sleep on the street. (Incredibly stupid - yes I know. I don't need anyone to tell me this). It got very late and I don't even remember how I got home but one way or another I ended up there.

My dad was angry that I'd tried to run away - he just didn't join the dots that my home life was so terrible I made a break for it. Ces't la vie. But he told me, to my face (and I remember this as clear as day) that what I did was stupid because I was "a vulnerable young 'girl'" who would have been "raped on the street" if I didn't come home. Those were his exact words. Never mind the domestic abuse at home, where I was also a vulnerable young trans man who couldn't come out of the closet for fear of his personal safety. No, no clearly I'm only vulnerable when I'm at risk of being hurt by other people, not when sharing a space with my abusers.

This post (like eldest 'daughter' posts) resonates with me as a trans man - I'm not a girl (and never was) but I was seen and treated as one by the vast majority of people between birth and age 19. What compelled my dad to decide that I counted as vulnerable only when he and my mum weren't there to hurt me?

I never reported the time I had some older men drive past in a jeep when I was wearing a school skirt (which already gave me dysphoria but all my trousers were in the wash) to them because I knew they'd just find a way to use it to control me more. I imagine parents of cis girls using this rhetoric use it to control them from going out. My friends who were cis girls had this in spades - one girl at school, we'll call L, was always infantilised by her parents. Such that when me and L started experimenting with things, it scandalised her mother, who forbade me from coming over to my friend's house any more (nothing physical happened, L's mum was just really overprotective).

Tldr: the Vulnerable Young Girl/Boy/Child rhetoric (because I can see multiple ways it is applied to me as an adult disabled man - in which my disability makes me Vulnerable ™️ and elicits much the same response from these kinds of people. So while I wasn't a girl, I did experience something similar to this while being mistaken for one during childhood. From my point of view, this rhetoric can be another tool in the arsenal of abusers who control their victims by constantly declaring how vulnerable they are and how they must behave or fall victim to some horrific fate.

I've rambed enough but this doesn't even touch on the way my parents reacted when I had a stalker who made me feel afraid to walk home from school and they sided *with* him 🙃

One time, when I was younger, I had an unpleasant encounter with an (apparently neurotypical) older man who wouldn't take "no" for an answer.

Now, I was fine. But I was scared.

Not so much because I was afraid the man would come after me -- although given the statistics around violence against women who refuse men's advances, that would be an entirely reasonable fear -- but because I was afraid that someone would find out what had happened.

Because, you see, if someone found out that I had been assaulted, I would be a Vulnerable Young Girl.

And the thing about being a Vulnerable Young Girl is that it doesn't matter if you said "yes" or "no."

It's not necessarily that people would have sided with my assailant -- this is a different flavor of rape culture. Most people would have agreed that what my assailant did was wrong. But they would have considered it equally wrong -- maybe more wrong -- if he were my chosen, consensual boyfriend I actively wanted to be with.

Because his crime was not disregarding my "no" and violating my bodily autonomy. His crime was Taking Advantage of a Vulnerable Young Girl. Preying on a Vulnerable Young Girl. Corrupting a Vulnerable Young Girl.

If you're a Vulnerable Young Girl, you don't have the right to say "yes," which means you don't really meaningfully have the right to say "no" either. You need to be Protected, and, of course, you don't have the right to say "no" to that, either.

And, look, once again, I was fine. I'm making the specific assault sound worse than it was. That's not the point. I wouldn't mention it at all, except that The Discourse is such that if you don't disclose a relevant personal experience, you're assumed to Not Care About Real People. But I am not alone in this.

I've heard multiple instances of the specific scenario "I was assaulted in college but I didn't report it because my parents would have made me leave school." Or "I was date raped and didn't report it because then my family would have never let me go out again." Or "I'm a psychiatric survivor and if I reported being assaulted I'd be put back into treatment."

These are real things I've heard or read assault victims say.

Framing assault victims as Vulnerable Young Girls actively discourages victims from reporting assaults.

Yet the people who use this framing seem to think it's somehow necessary to get assaults taken seriously, even though it does the opposite.

Feminists largely understand this when it's in the context of purity culture. When people say, "In purity culture, it doesn't matter if you say 'yes' or 'no,' sexual assault and consensual sex are considered equally bad, and that underlying premise minimizes the actual wrongdoing of sexual assault, discourages assault victims from reporting their assaults, and allows assailants to get away with their crimes," this is understood as a problem.

But the Vulnerable Young Girls framing comes from self-identified feminists. Who think they're helping. In the name of feminism and justice. They don't understand why being framed as a Vulnerable Young Girl would make a woman reluctant to come forward, because the coercive control she would be subjected to "isn't punishment". They're seemingly baffled by why young and/or disabled women don't want to be framed as Vulnerable Young Girls, even if they've been assaulted. Especially if they've been assaulted. Why are you so offended when we say that your wishes for your own body don't matter?

And... why? Why is this framing necessary? What is the purpose? What is the benefit?

If you hear about someone committing sexual assault against a young and/or disabled woman -- without her consent, against her will, disregarding her "no" -- what, exactly, are you trying to accomplish by jumping in and saying "Even if she said yes, that's still predatory! He's still Taking Advantage of a Vulnerable Young Girl!"?

What is the purpose of saying that?

If a young and/or disabled woman chooses a sexual and/or romantic relationship that you think is "bad for her," and you proclaim "Just because she agreed to it doesn't make it okay! It's still wrong!" -- well, I vehemently disagree with you, but at least you're responding to the actual situation that exists.

But if you hear about an assault, against the victim's will, without her consent, and feel the need to denounce the counterfactual scenario in which it was a consensual encounter... what are you even trying to accomplish? Is the sole purpose just to convey to the victims (and any other assault survivors and/or young and/or disabled women in the vicinity) "I need to make it unambiguously clear that my objection to this assault has nothing to do with the violation of your bodily autonomy. I actively do not care about that."?

[origamiopossums]

Broken Machines - Chapter 1 - Destroy

"When I started this case, I thought I was gonna get some great insight into why you are the way you are. A look into a complex psyche. A glimpse into the neurological map of a mad man that could show some light on some bigger truths that could maybe help other sick people one day. As I got close and personal with you and your handiwork, I found a truth. It's a small one though. As unexciting as it may sound, some machines just come out of the factory broken. You're a broken machine." -Lloyd Lowery, Breakout Kings S1E3

A canon divergence story, exploring what might have happened if Theodore Bagwell had grown up with at least one person who cared, and the chaos and hope spurned from such a possibility.

A story about love and how nobody really starts broken. About how salvaging what is still good, no matter how little there may be of it left, is still worthwhile in the effort to build a better world.

Trigger warnings for this story: Prison Break, itself, canonically contains violence, blood, gore, mentions of rape - including CSA, incest, abuse, drug use, addiction, suicide, mental illness, unhealthy relationships, murder, homophobia, transphobia, racism, and ableism. These all 100% apply to this story. Beyond this, I'm using this story to explore some of these themes and how they affect these characters and their connections to one another in-depth. So please tread with caution if these things are too upsetting for you to handle.

This story is also on AO3.

Theodore Bagwell didn’t always hate his daddy. He certainty sought his approval at every opportunity. But, by the time he was ten years old, Theodore despised him down to his very core.

Theodore did exceptionally well in school. He had a deep love of books and the English language. Mr. Bagwell was constantly pushing him to study, telling him that he needed to make something of himself. Telling him that he needed to be something more than he or his mother had been. That he was their ticket to the good life.

Theodore got good grades, and he loved reading. But that didn’t mean that he loved school. In reality, he could barely tolerate it.

He was already considered an outcast by a very young age. He began to realize, at about age seven, that his classmates had started to section off into groups. And no matter how much he tried, he wasn’t welcome into any of them. The kids that once used to play baseball and run around with him without issue, suddenly recoiled at his very presence.

There were numerous reasons for this. But at the heart of it all sat his daddy. The community hated him - with good reason. He was dangerous and sick and unkempt. And keeping the other children away from him and his deranged offspring was top priority. The Bagwells could hurt them, influence them into wickedness. Being anywhere in the vicinity of Theodore’s family was an unsafe place for a child.

But Theodore was a child.

However, fate had smiled on Theodore Bagwell, if only a fractal of an amount in that lifetime of his. He had been afforded one solitary friend. His name was Zavier, and he made school almost bearable at times.

The kid was tough scrabble. Chaotic and scrappy, he didn’t tolerate bullies. He was in detention on a regular basis for threatening to clock anyone who so much as looked at Theodore wrong. Sometimes he even made good on those threats. However, Zavier being locked away in a classroom during recess meant that Theodore was more often a victim of various pummelings on the playground, most days.

Zavier called him by his full name. Theodore kind of liked that. His daddy called him ‘Teddy’. The other kids called him it, too. People who put their hands on him in ways that hurt. He didn’t hate the nickname, per say, but the way that Zavier said ‘Theodore’, in his excited, bright voice, made him feel seen. Safe. Special.

Zavier put his hands on Theodore in ways that didn’t hurt. Besides his mama, he was the only one who did. Light nudges, soft hand squeezes, accented by shy smiles and kind words.

Boys weren’t supposed to touch each other in ways that didn’t hurt. The grownups around him told him that all of the time. But if they were telling the same to Zavier, he didn’t seem to heed them one bit. Theodore hoped desperately that he never would.

His favorite way that Zavier touched him was when he would lean on his shoulder, as they sat in the grass together, huddled closely as Theodore would read to him. Theodore liked to read to Zavier. It seemed to soothe and calm the reckless boy. It was one of the few things he could do for him after all that Zavier risked for him on a daily basis.

Zavier had told him a few times, that he liked the sound of Theodore’s voice. Zavier seemed to like a lot of things about Theodore. He was the only one who did.

The other kids regularly made cruel comments about Theodore and his appearance. About Theodore’s clothes being too big, too cheap. They were hand-me-downs from his cousin, Jimmy. His family couldn’t afford new clothes every year like most of the others. And they made comments on his stature, scrawny and shorter than most of the other boys, not hitting the growth-spurt expected of boys his age quite yet. He was going to be a late bloomer. With his messy, brown hair and sunken in eyes, they’d tease him, tell him he looked like a ghoul.

And then there was the issue of his parents. The whole town knew who they were. What they were. There was a reason they were deemed as dangerous. A drunken father, a disabled mother, siblings to boot. Theodore was born of incestuous rape, and at only ten years old, he already fully knew what that meant.

Once, he had asked Zavier if he knew what it meant. The other boy had confirmed that he did. Theodore had asked Zavier what he thought about it. Zavier had told Theodore that he was just happy that Theodore had been born at all.

Theodore didn’t think that was a very normal thing for a boy to say to another. He hoped that Zavier never became normal.

Theodore’s daddy always smelled of cheap beer and sweat. He did odd jobs to make sure there was enough food in the house, but the majority of his money went to his beer and his old, beat-up truck. The damn thing could never manage to keep running for more than a few months. But his daddy couldn’t afford a new one, and he insisted it was vintage. So repairs it was.

The problems came when Mr. Bagwell repeatedly insisted on buying the parts and trying to fix the thing, himself. He was far from a stellar mechanic, and it just ended up costing them more in the end every time. However, his ego wouldn’t allow him to throw in the towel. He had to have some project of his own, besides his son, to brag about to his friends after all.

Theodore’s daddy loved to parade him in front of his friends, force him to read from his text books, answer questions. He wanted to prove to his friends that he wasn’t stupid. That he had produced an intelligent kid, and therefore must be intelligent, himself.

Mr. Bagwell’s friends came over about four times a week. That day, they had been pounding beer and a little bit of moonshine that one of them had brought over to the house. Theodore was fairly certain that he had never encountered any of them sober before.

“Seems equal stupid as the rest of you,” one of his daddy’s friends commented, as they got onto the topic Mr. Bagwell was always on about, his and Theodore’s intelligence. The man had been staring at Theodore as he said it, gripping a half-empty beer bottle in hand.

Theodore had been studying in the living room. He had wanted to mind his own business, but his daddy liked him where he could see him.

“Seems t’ run in the genes,” the man commented, nodding to Theodore’s mama, who had been sitting outside.

Theodore hated it when they talked about his mama. She might not have been able to do everything by herself, but she wasn’t stupid. She was his best parent by a landslide.

“Teddy!” Theodore’s heart caught in his throat with anxiety, as his daddy’s voice called to him, sharp and demanding.

Theodore turned his head. He hated his daddy’s friends so much. He hated the alcohol. He hated his daddy.

“Ten synonyms, pick a word,” Mr. Bagwell told one of his buddies. He had pronounced ‘synonyms’ wrong.

Mr. Bagwell’s friend chuckled, shaking his head.

“Pick a word!” Mr. Bagwell insisted, again.

The man thought for a moment before he spoke.

“Destroy.”

Theodore stood at attention, feeling highly uncomfortable with all of the eyes on him. He wasn’t a person to a single man in that room. He was a toy, meant to be displayed.

“Ten synonyms for destroy,” Theodore stated, saying the words just like his daddy had taught him to, like he was in some sort of trivia competition. “Annul.”

Annul, like he felt had been done to the worth of his life. Nobody cared about him. Nobody would save him. He had become comfortable with that fact already.

“Mutilate.”

Mutilate, like what his daddy had done to Theodore’s body dozens of times. Beating him, holding him down, doing things to him no human should ever put another through. He didn’t remember when it had started. But he recalled his earliest memories being drenched in pain.

“Liquidate.”

Liquidate, like what he wanted to do with the ever growing pit of fear inside of him. He wanted to be brave. But he was so small. He couldn’t take his revenge. Not yet.

“Abrogate.”

Abrogate, like what his daddy had done to his childhood, leaving his books and his own imagination to raise Theodore for him, lost in alcohol and the desire for prestige that he would never achieve.

“Quell.”

Quell, what he had to do with his never-ending rage, every time his daddy touched him, or one of the kids at school stepped up to him.

“Ravage.”

Ravage, what he wanted to do in moments like this, imagining what it might be like to lodge a knife directly into his daddy’s throat.

“Expunge.”

Expunge, what he wanted to do to his entire life. To run away somewhere safe, where he’d never be found and never return from.

“Demolish.”

Demolish, what he longed to do to the home he was standing in someday, holding so many evil acts and memories behind its walls.

“Extirpate.”

Extirpate, what he wanted to do to the lives of every person that ever tried to hurt him. The blood on his hands would mean less than nothing, if only he could get the torture to end.

“Extinguish.”

Extinguish, like what almost every person in that worthless town had done to any semblance of hope for a happy life Theodore could have ever had.

“Whoo! You see that? Stupid, my pail! My boy’s gonna be president!” Mr. Bagwell laughed, taking another swig of his drink.

Theodore didn’t want to be president. He wanted to be left alone.

It was exhausting, having something to prove. Being something to prove. He hated every minute of it. Hated every minute of what would come after, when his daddy was good and drunk. He knew, what would start as gentle praise and urging to do even better, would turn into something violent and wicked, only moments later. A hand on his knee would become hands taking off his clothes, would become hands pushing him into his mattress, would become an entire excruciating and terrifying experience that would leave Theodore sobbing and shaking. Maybe even vomiting. None of Theodore belonged to himself. Not his smarts, not his body.

Destroy. He wanted to destroy himself sometimes.

The kids at school certainly wanted him to. They had taken to following him around, shouting the typical insults, calling him a freak. But now they had started telling him to give suicide a try. He’d be lying if he said the thought hadn’t been more tempting lately.

He remembered how it felt, to have the wind knocked out of him by the most popular boy in his class. The way the dirt stung in his scrapes, as he slid on the ground. Without Zavier around, he could only manage to swing a few pathetic tries, before being knocked to the ground again. That time, the other boy held him down. He was so much bigger than Theodore. There was nothing that he could do.

The boy spit on him. That was another thing the kids had been doing a lot of. Mucus, slimy, warm, disgusting ran down his left cheek, as the boy continued to hold Theodore down.

“Hope y’ go home ‘n shoot y’r brains out, Teddy. World’ll be better off,” his classmate laughed, before standing.

Four other kids spit on him, too, as he lay on the dirt, heart pounding, terrified to move, lest they shove him back down. He thought about his daddy’s shotgun, mounted on the wall of his bedroom, above his bed. He didn’t know how to use it. He wanted to learn. Whether that was to turn it on himself or his peers, he wasn’t entirely sure.

Theodore was no snitch. He didn’t want to make more trouble for himself. But he didn’t know what to do. The other kids were getting more vicious by the week, and he had started to feel nauseous and clammy every morning, as he got dressed and packed for school. He had even tried to convince his daddy that he was too sick to go a time or two. But his daddy wasn’t buying it. Even if he had been sick, there was no way that Mr. Bagwell would allow his son to miss a day of learning, lest it ruin their bright future.

And, so, Theodore finally did what everyone said should be done in such a situation. He told an adult.

After school, he waited until the other kids had exited the class for the day, before approaching his teacher, Miss Cowell.

Miss Cowell was considered a fun teacher, a little quirky, with fiery red hair and soft brown eyes. She did pick favorites, though. She appreciated Theodore’s studiousness, but didn’t seem to find him all that interesting. If anything, she sometimes seemed frustrated with the amount of times he would raise his hand, eager to answer questions and show off his knowledge, the way that his daddy had taught him. Still, the community considered her to be kind. Theodore did, too, for the most part.

But, when he had outlined his troubles to her, told her why he had stayed late, told her what happened with the other kids that day, his teacher did not offer kindness or help.

“That sounds like you’re havin’ issues fittin’ in, Teddy. Nothin’ I can do about that. Maybe if you try harder, were a little more sociable you wouldn’t be havin’ this issue.”

He was taken aback by her response. He thought that, perhaps, he hadn’t explained himself articulately enough. He tried again.

“Teddy, you’re such a…sensitive boy. You need t’ learn how to roll with the punches, like the others. Need to suck it up.”

When he tried a third time, her voice turned sharp, any of the patience and kindness that was there before, dissipating.

“Suck. It. Up.”

Theodore closed his mouth, eyes immediately filling with the sting of tears. He nodded, turning as quickly as he could, out of the classroom, before she could see, and mock him further.

Theodore was at a loss. Nobody seemed to care what happened to him except for Zavier. And Zavier was always in detention. He just wanted the torture to stop and he wanted to be with his friend. So, Theodore did the only thing that he could think of.

Theodore stopped doing his homework.

The first few times it only earned him a wrap on the wrist from Miss Cowell’s ruler. But by the fifth, she was angry. Theodore started getting detention.

It was what he had wanted, time away from the school yard, and time beside his best friend. And the week he spent doing make-up work in silence beside Zavier had been one of the best of his life, as far as fourth grade was concerned.

However, when he got home that Friday evening, his daddy was just hanging up the phone. Miss Cowell had called, told him everything that had transpired over the recent weeks. Mr. Bagwell was livid.

Theodore knew that the punishment would be severe, but he had failed to gauge just how brutal his father was willing to become, once told by someone with authority that his son was becoming a failure.

He was too old for spanking, now. His father’s hands came down on his face, instead. Just slaps, at first. But it quickly became more, drawing blood from a split lip, bruises swelling across the bridge of his nose.

It didn’t take long, before his daddy had grabbed him by the back of his shirt, stretching out the fabric, as he dragged Theodore to his bedroom. There, he would choke and beat him, cussing up a storm, until Theodore could only lie still and take it.

Zavier cried when he saw the cuts and bruises, littered over Theodore’s face and arms. Theodore tried his best to assure him that it was okay – that he had deserved it for failing. But this only made his friend more upset.

He had never seen Zavier cry before. Boys weren’t supposed to cry. Not in front of other boys, anyway. It hurt to look at him when he cried. It made Theodore want to kiss him. Boys weren’t supposed to want to kiss other boys.

Theodore didn’t think that he was sad about what had happened. However, he sure as hell was angry about it. If Miss Cowell would have just taken him seriously when he told her what the other kids were doing, he wouldn’t have had to take such drastic measures to try and get away from them. He wouldn’t have had to spoil his education and piss off his daddy.

Most of the time, his anger was a silent anger. He’d take off to the nearby creeks or woods to play alone. Cause destruction silently. Kill any critters he came across if he could catch them. Not making a sound, even if they did, fascinated by the way their bodies would break underneath his touch or his small pocketknife blade. Thrilled to be able to control any semblance of life, as he couldn’t his own.

Most of the time, he kept his rage quiet. But that day, his anger roared.

His parents owned an antique oil lamp, once owned by their father. Theodore stole it, some matches, and a gallon of gasoline from the garage.

Then, he walked the three hours it took to get to get to his teacher’s home. The sun was setting by the time he arrived. His arms were sore.

The house was quaint and orderly, painted a pristine white. He wanted it to be as black as charcoal.

Theodore ducked low. He could see her, having dinner with someone, through the window of the house. They looked happy.

Doing his best to stay quiet and out of sight, he got to work. Making a ring of gasoline around the house, and on the siding, shaking extra over the pretty dogwood shrubs, planted right up against the house. Then, he stood back, lighting the oil lamp, before throwing it, as hard as he could, into the greenery.

The house immediately lit up like Christmas.

He liked the way the heat felt, as it spread, dangerously close to where he was standing, watching as the flames engulfed the home.

It didn’t take long, before he could hear a ruckus from behind the front door. A grin slid its way over his features. The people inside were afraid. He had done that. Their lives were in his hands, and it felt incredible.

Slowly, Theodore began to walk, just going down the road a bit to avoid being cooked. He wanted to watch.

In the distance, he heard choked screams and coughing. The panic in their voices reverberated in Theodore’s ears. He very much enjoyed the sound. He wasn’t sure if Miss Cowell had made it out. He hoped that she hadn’t.

Theodore watched, as the flames climbed and climbed, until they could lick the sky. The thick char of smoke billowed around him, shrouding him, a deadly coffin of his own creation.

It was beautiful.

[theuniverseawakens347]

Chrisean rock vs bluefase… bluefase vs chrisean rock … DONT MIND TYPOS

bluefase in the same boat as me ( and Tristan right now) adds and nipsey … for those in the industry and that think blot map I just spewed out with the “enter.all.ment.” Ya know what’s going on… but the public gets a different view.. and those who aren’t in the MESH ALL THEN SEGRATE sexxtours … trying to be proper sectors.. sectours… WE GOT INFORMANTS …. Bluefase. JONATHAN… he got niggas posing as him DDG I love you babe dashea Nicole tv… TO DO “the right thing” in the right crowd BUT THE WRONG THING WHERE SIN IS ALLOWED …

Johnathan and rock had they issues … still do… he doing time for the shit HE WILLINGLY DID TO GET BACK AT SOMEONES WHO HURT EM…. CHRISREAN HOWEVER … IS A SPECIAL CASE… SHE IS SOMEONE WITH SERIOUS MENTAL ILLNESS THAT GOT TOLD SHES IN A GODS HOUSE TO EXERCISE HER SINS AND LET HER DEMONDS PLAY… TESTING HER SOUL AND JUDGMENT HER TRUEST CHARACTER…. JR.

NOAH DECORSI NO SPIRITUAL GIFTS… FROM MY EXPERIENCES WITH HIM IN 5th grade and on.. HES ALWAYS BEEN AN ASSHOLE… HE A LEE GARLINGTON YA TOOK UR VICTIM HURT N TURNED IT INTO AN ABUSER.. THEN DO THE CHILD WHO DONT WANA GET THE PUNISHMENT BUT ENJOYS THE CRIME… MALCOM OF ASKARI..ASKARI HOWARD TO AN EXTENT .. LIKE ADDICTS … YA LET SELF WILL RUN RIOT TO WHERE ITS OBVIOUS … YOU NEEDED A PARENT AT ALL TIMES… YA TESTED WATERS… I DONT LIKE THIS POOL BC I CANT PISS WITHOUT ANNOYING OTHERS… IMA GO TO THE JACCUZI… OH I GOT AWAY WITH PEEING THERE… LETS SEE WHAT THIS MUD BATH DO…

YA COVERING SIN SWEEPING THINGS UNDER THE RUG. N LETTING THE MESS GET MESSIER WHICH IS BIGGER N BIGGER …

then those tryna clean it n find the starting point ya got looking crazy..

BOTH ROCK N BLUE ASKED FOR HELP… BUT ONE WAS LEGITIMATELY LOOKING FOR A WAY OUT… BLUE.. BUT TO THE PUBLIC IT LOOKS LIKE ROCK… AND THIS GOES INTO BROKEN HOMES MOM AND DAD DIVORCE… WHY DO ONE PARENT HATE THE OTHER SO MUCH MORE… WELL EVERYTHING IVE BEEN LISTING UP TO HEAR …

I’m not saying it’s exactly like my HOLY 3 original tree.. BUT THERE WAS SOMEONE WHO GOT SOOOO FAR TEMPED BY THE DEVIL THEY NEVER GOT THEIR SOUL BACK … THATS ROCK… SHE A NOAH… BOTH PRIVATE THE OTHER MANIPULATION OF FAN BASE FOR MONEY TO COME IN AND PLAYS THIS “ I’m broken home child raising my baby as best I can Jas of Lily mom sip ya tea … but IM NOT GON SHOW MY FANS WHAT REALLY WENT ON… ROCK BEING THE ISSUE….” … she went home to show her broken home and it back fires in her face BEHIND THE CAMERA AND SOME OF THE FANS BEEN CALLED SHE THE ISSUE.. SHE IS.. AND THAT HOUSE GETS MESSY ON IT OWN… CAUSE THERES ANOTHER ROCK THERE… TEMPTED LOST SOUL … TRYING TO BRING MORE INTO THE CIRCLE… PETER PIPER TAKING YA KIDS… BUT TESEHIKI WANA PUT YOU IN UR PLACE.. U SNEAK DISSED HER CAREER AND LITTLE MAN THEM… DARNIECE LEFT EYE.. BUT SHE ACTUALLY GET A PLATE OF DDG SCALE TO HALLE CAREER IN MUSIC … HE UP IN YOUTUBE BUT SHE TAKING AND MAKING ALL THE MONEY … N FANS LOVE HER MORE … BEYONCÉ JAYZ .. BUT YA DONT KNOW .., TIL NOW THE STORY TOLD FROM BEHIND THE SCENES.. YA DOING DEFORMATION ON MY MANS TRISTAN.. YA GOT HIS JEALOUS “ friends” TRYING TO KILL EM OFF LIKE PPL DID NIPSEY LAUREN LONDON BLACCSAM.. SAMATHA BABAYHAIRR FED 17 DIFFERENT BS STORIES N SHE NOT FOLLOWING HER INUTION… KINDA LIKE ROCK … BUT ROCK MENTAL ILLNESS TAKEN ADVATAGE OF LIKE ICE SPICE … BEING PIMPED TO AN ABUSER WHO DO THAT “ come here I got the “necessities” you need in material gain but ima treat you like shit still”

LIKE I SAID ROXK NEED MENTAL HELP… SPLIT PERSONALITY TURNING INTO COWS BRAIN… BLUE DID SPITE GET EVEN SHIT.. HE DEPRESSED AND ANXIOUS HIS ENVIRONMENT TOOK EM TO SURVIVAL MODE BUT THATS NOT HIM.. ONLY WHEN HE NEED TO FIGHT.

[annabell505]

The Monster: Jeffrey Dahmer

Part 4.

To summarize

As research shows there are no definitive definitions of how people become killers/serial killers.

 

There has been talk of the "Serial Killer Gene" but if you dig deeper, you can conclude that it affects temper and aggression, and as we know - not every temper is a killer. Many of us still have restraining factors, which appeared in our consciousness at the moment of personality formation (in the process of upbringing) such as: morality, realization of the value of any life, or, for example, religion.

No matter how you spin this medal (I mean the so-called killer gene) man is a reasonable being and can fight aggression and work on it. 

Of course, it's also important how serial killers grew up, how they were brought up :

whether they were given enough attention, whether they were not abused by parents/relatives/peers, etc.

whether some event happened to them that dramatically changed their perception of the world.

It often happens that if a child has a lack of love from parents (especially mother) in the future it is difficult for him to start romantic relationships, long and reliable.

And if this indifference causes hatred in him, it is not excluded that the hatred will spread to other women, in one way or another "similar" to the mother's behavior or external features.

In Dahmer's case, he undoubtedly bore the divorce badly, bore the heated family atmosphere badly, and it caused him to want to keep people around him "any way he could." 

Jeffrey never felt truly needed. Valued and loved.

Now, I'm going to give you an example of the "traits" that serial killers/murderers have. Or what to look out for if you're a parent:

- a child's interest in the world of the dead.

-Violence towards animals (not only killing them, of course, but also simple abuse like sewing them up, cutting off limbs, etc.) Violence towards other children, especially physical violence.

-excessive temper tantrums, mood swings.

-depressed mood, apathy.

-lack of social connections, no friends.

Some of the items on the list seem "harmless" and it is true! But what you need to consider is that they will only become harmless when they are worked through.

No, you don't need to scold the child, to rape his brain.

It is worth seeking help from a specialist and many of these problems will be solved.

The main thing is to notice the problem in time! And do not miss the moment when the growing up personality will no longer listen to someone "from the outside", and will act from their own wrong. and will act out of their own wrong and perverted beliefs.

How to know you're looking at a possible killer:

* Broken eyebrows can signal a lust for power;

* An almost straight lower eyelid line can signal suspicion, distrust of people;

* An unsightly lip shape is a sign of a complex character;

* A chin with a dimple or bifurcation - about difficulties in controlling the will;

* A flattening of the bridge of the nose - anger outbursts;

* General facial asymmetry - lack of integrity in the personality.

All these factors have been revealed by experts physiognomists, criminalists and are NOT ABSOLUTELY true, but rather presumptive.

Of course, if there's one thing, it doesn't tell you "Run, it's the killer!" But if you see many of the above in your interlocutor, be careful.

The first impression is often deceptive, happen your instinct, if you feel danger, it is better to listen.

Often a maniac seems charming, yes, he may have a family, he strives to put on a "mask of normality" until he meets his potential victim and loses control of himself.

In Dahmer's case, everything was exactly the same: he seemed nice, calm, easy to trust and could "bribe" his victim.

But it should not be forgotten that despite all those "positive" qualities he was sick and his disease, like drug addiction, made him do terrible things.

Alcohol only contributed to this: at first maniacs drink to forget their first crime, to distract themselves, but then everything goes further, when after drinking they feel more confident.

  

Then alcohol becomes one of the tools of murder, giving the maniac inhuman strength and confidence in what he is doing.

The more we drink, the more our brain dissolves - it turns into mush, unable to think.

Yes, this is why many maniacs lose their grip - they simply stop thinking critically, and they spend most of their time in alcoholic oblivion.

TIPS ON HOW NOT TO BECOME A VICTIM OF A MANIAC/RAPIST :

It's simple, you have to remember - we can't see them, they are transparent, they blend into the crowd easily, but they see us perfectly well.

How not to become a potential victim for a maniac?

- Avoid walking at night.

-Avoid places where there are almost no people: back alleys, yards, bushes and parks (especially at night!). 

-Do not drink alone/alone and do not drink what a new "companion" offers you.

-Do not go to the house of strangers/significant others, do not agree to "warm up" in the car. 

NOW WHAT WILL HELP YOU IN CASE OF AN EXTREME SITUATION

-Always carry pepper spray.

-Carry a burglar alarm, it can scare off an attacker.

-Don't be afraid to hit, do everything to keep yourself alive: use all methods: bites, scratch the attacker's face, aim for the eyes.

-Try to move with someone, less often alone.

-Shout.

If you live in a private home and are afraid of a thief/killer breaking in:

-Always draw the curtains, don't give them a chance to peek in on you.

-Hang bars on your windows, especially if it's the first floor.

-Put an alarm system in your home.

-Install a panic button.

-Put something fragile on the windowsill that will break and wake you up in case of a home invasion.

-Have a gun, maybe under the bed.

-Put a camera, let them see you have one - good deterrent. 

[otnesse]

Definitely agreed regarding the bit about how Anakin was far from stupid. Never really liked those takes (heck, I especially didn't like similar takes with Snow White or Ariel or even Anna from Frozen either). Sure, he may have been gullible, but he was far from an idiot. Want a TRUE idiot. Try Kaz from Star Wars Resistance. Not to mention it's a case of blaming the victim (far more of one than say, criticizing Belle for selling the Beast out to a lynch mob. Unlike Anakin, Belle most CERTAINLY was capable of actually finding another way to get out of it with minimal casualties, yet chose the most destructive method instead without even thinking through the rammifications, nor for that matter was she even manipulated at any point in the film [if anything, she immediately deduced Gaston was trying to blackmail her and would have NONE of it]. And I actually got called out on that as "blaming the victim").

I also agree to an extent regarding the whole adults abusing trust being a huge low. Unfortunately, I'm not entirely sure I can say Palpatine would really qualify as that (at least Palpatine actively encouraged Anakin to reach his full potential ultimately, so he did do some genuine good there, even IF for the wrong reasons, while the Jedi Order if anything didn't seem to trust Anakin at all and came across as rathering he NEVER reached his potential if it were up to them, all while pretending they actually gave a darn about him). Heck, George Lucas if anything is the quintessential example of adult authority figures abusing the trust of those who placed trust in them, especially children. I'd know, I naively thought Lucas modeled the Rebels after Americans, and the Empire on evil groups such as Communists when I was younger. A natural thing to think, and even my parents thought that. But no... turns out he manipulated all of us into unknowingly rooting for up and out COMMIES. Oh, and the start of finding out his BS occurred around the late 2000s when he started shilling for Obama (I already had an inkling he was not a good guy when he supported abortion. I never support child murder or infanticide, so supporting abortion is the same thing for me.), calling him a hero of the ages, and even compared him to a Jedi (which ended up doing far more damage to the group than even the Prequels did). I think he even loaned Chewbacca over to Obama for a party in 2011 or so. Oh, and then around 2012, I learned via Bill Whittle that, no, the Ewoks were meant to be the Vietcong (even in Elementary School, when I was overall naive about Communism and didn't know much about it, not to mention was fed garbage in my textbooks that Mao Zedong's a better leader than Chiang Kai-Shek, I got an inkling that the Vietcong were very bad people due to seeing Vietnamese janitors who had severe wounds to their faces due to being tortured by them) and the Empire was meant to be us Americans, which led to the further implication that the Rebels themselves were possibly Soviets. And then around 2016, I learned via Chris Taylor that Lucas ALWAYS intended for the Rebels to be Vietcong expies, even cited documents (in fact, I ordered JW Rinzler's Making of Star Wars book just to verify that claim). Another example would be Hideo Kojima. Granted, my first actual experience with Metal Gear was with Super Smash Bros. Brawl as well as Portable Ops, but I did hear of it through osmosis via magazines before then, and I did hear of Kojima's reputation as a researcher, which gave me some respect (even moreso when not only learning of some Cold War era stuff from Snake Eater, but also verifying it with stuff like the Politically Incorrect Guide books as well as Larry Schweiker's [sp] Patriot's American History Book), even believed whatever he had to say, and even learned how to be against propaganda via the MGS novelizations, especially MGS2. However, when Peace Walker came along and he had Big Boss and Miller sing praises for Che Guevara, I initially thought Che was a good guy, a priest even (mostly because of my misunderstanding the reference to "Minister"), especially when that game was the first I even heard of the guy, until the Politically Incorrect Guides set me right and revealed Che was truly a scumbag. That wrecked any respect I had for Kojima (even if I never particularly cared about Metal Gear, I did respect the research put into it, only to learn my respect was misplaced), even moreso since Peace Walker was specifically intended to be geared towards children, implying in other words he wanted to brainwash kids into thinking like him (I myself was in college when it came out, so I was barely above a teen, but still...). Just like Lucas did with Star Wars. So yeah, I fully agree regarding the whole "adult authority figures abusing kids trust" because I lived it, but I DON'T necessarily agree in regards to Palpatine and Anakin.

Heck, if anything, I consider what Obi-Wan did to Luke regarding manipulating him into committing patricide to be FAR closer to abusing trust in adults far more than Palpatine's actions to Anakin. Really wish Lucas didn't make Obi-Wan into a liar...

Anakin’s Intelligence

Something that truly upsets me, (unless it’s in the right context), is the accepted presumption that Anakin is unintelligent, even downright stupid, that seems to pervade fandom. Anakin is not stupid. He was a very intelligent, and insightful individual. We see this from the beginning:

He builds his own podracer

He figures out Qui-Gon is a Jedi

But waits until the opportune moment to reveal it

He uses his own value as a slave to hold over Sebulba’s head in a fight

He tricks Watto a whole lot

He can fly basically anything-which is not easy, especially at nine

He tells Jar Jar that Sebulba was trying to conquer his own fear by crushing others. That’s very insightful.

He tells the Council that Padme won’t agree to leave Coruscant without being pressured. 

He, not Obi-Wan, figures out the best places to target the Separatists on Geonosis. Obi-Wan calls it a “good call.”

He’s a gifted military strategist. We see plenty of evidence of this.

He also is a good engineer

etc. etc.

Basically, what I’m saying is Anakin was a prodigy who was also very insightful. Anakin was in no way an idiot. 

The reason Anakin, so far as I can tell, is perceived as an idiot is because he was manipulated by Palpatine. This reasoning disturbs me. Anakin is about 9-12 years old when Palpatine starts taking an active interest in him, (depending on which canon or legends sources you go by.) Palpatine is also quite an intelligent man. He doesn’t do anything that could really set Anakin’s alarms going off initially, not unless you’re wise to him, like we are, and know what’s up. Anakin is a child here. He is an insecure child at that. His Master, Obi-Wan, whom he trusts, has told him, and allowed him, to spend time with Palpatine. Why should he mistrust an adult his guardian has allowed him to spend time with? I certainly didn’t mistrust my baby-sitters growing up, because my parents brought them into my life. Anakin, like any child with his background, is starved for some genuine attention, validation, and affection. Palpatine plays on that masterfully and uses it against him. This does not make Anakin stupid! It makes him a victim. Few children, especially in Anakin’s situation, wouldn’t have enjoyed Palpatine’s attention. Perhaps I am entirely misinterpreting what I have encountered in fandom, but the perception that I have encountered that Anakin is downright stupid, because of his friendship with Palpatine, bothers me. Don’t blame the victim, who was a child might I add when the predatory relationship began! It’s not Anakin’s fault he was taken advantage of. He can be blamed for many things, but he is no way responsible for what Palpatine did to him.

Truthfully whenever I read anything between Palpatine and Anakin, especially a young!Anakin, it really skeeves me out. It makes me sick to my stomach to see a child who trusts the adults in his life, (as most children do), be taken advantage of. It’s repulsive, and I have honestly teared up over it at times. It’s so horrific. Anakin is so young, earnest, and well-meaning. He’s a sweetheart, and I have to watch while he gets manipulated by a Sith, and no one bothers to look into the situation. Very few children, especially one’s who have a history like Anakin, are going to clue in that they’re being used until it is much too late. What I see is a tragedy. I don’t dismiss Anakin and say he was a easily-manipulated fool. I don’t believe he was stupid. (Besides, he almost doesn’t fall in RoTS, and it took Palpatine years of work to get him there.) All I see is a small boy who was preyed on by a much older man with ill intentions. It truly disgusts me to watch any scene with him and Palpatine together, and I loathe that anyone would call Anakin stupid for it. The fault for the manipulations lies with Palpatine, (and the Jedi Council/Obi-Wan for letting a young child spend time with a man whose intentions they didn’t trust.) You can blame Anakin for many things, but you should’t blame him for that. He isn’t stupid. He is a victim.

[realfactsnlogic]

on apologizing, grovelling and sympathy-fishing

This is a bit of a trauma-dump. But this is my blog and I do what I want with it. And I also want to share my story to the world.

In this post I will talk about my uneasy history and strained relationship with apologies and forgiveness.

Note to self: Share this with the therapist. This is a juicy topic.

CW: I will be talking about abuse I went through as a child (physical, emotional, emotional neglect). Please love and care for yourselves and don’t read if you feel this will bother you.

Then

I was probably 3 or 4 years old. I don’t remember doing this--I don’t have the photographic memory of it burned into my brain, but apparently I hit some kid. My mom took me home, stood me on a chair so that I could reach her height--

And she slapped me. I was in tears, in that ‘child sobbing’ voice, trying to repeat what she tells me.

Something like, “(name), I am sorry.”

Of course, when you’re talking to a child, you need to break the sentence down into pieces. 

So it was more like, “(name) -- I am -- sorry.”

Between those dashes, I would repeat what she said.

The day after that, I literally forgot what she told me.

So when I went back to school, she took me to a rug where the kid was and got me to recite what she told me. I couldn’t remember, so I repeated what was prompted.

I don’t have this memory unless I’m in a certain state. Sometimes I don’t think it’s mine. I still need to accept that regardless of anything, I did it. I did it in this body, so this memory should be considered mine.

There was another incident like this:

In Kindergarten, one end of recess, I followed my friend group back to the building. I did not know that they hid some kid--one that was way older than us, but very sensitive. He might have been of a protected classification, I think. But that’s none of my business. Anyways, my friends had to line up and shake his hand, saying “I’m sorry, Aaron” (was that his name?)--but I, stubborn I, would refuse to. I remained on the couch and shook my head because I did not hit this kid. Still, I walked with these friends and so I pay their consequences.

I actually wrote about this incident in high school. I’ll see if I can dig up the full story to post about it here.

There’s more to this. About how I got M-RTU’d in 2016 because I couldn’t handle too much collective punishment, about how I fucked up real bad with a small fandom in 2018, so on and so forth.

From what I learned in therapy, childhood memories are factors in tendencies in adulthood.

Now

So as I grew up, these memories and other factors made a ‘person’ (more like a dead man walking) who has the reputation of being hard on himself. Yet, he remains to be a hard worker. He’s all about that Sigma Male Grindset, all about that T Guy Swag...but something about him is always missing. Always off. And we wouldn’t know until the bad things happen, and then we start calling him selfish.

All of these are true. Almost. They’re only true if you refuse to hear his side of the story.

“WAH WAH! I DON’T WANNA HEAR IT!”(Or: The Part Where I Look Like I’m Self-Victimizing)

I’m almost always the first one who’s apologizing (which is fine, if I know I started it). When people come to me to apologize, what apologies do I get back? Short sentences when I deserve paragraphs. Okay, that’s a little entitled, but I’d rather get an insight on their feelings in the moment and their intentions than...whatever the hell I got.

I don’t do “short and sweet”. I do “long and bitter”. I was taught that to apologize, you have to name your wrongdoings and either offer a way to rectify it (if appropriate, otherwise make a small promise of stopping a habit and how). No asking for anything, not even for forgiveness itself, not even for the deletion of things you made for each other.

The fact that my values don’t align with some people says and said a lot about how I conducted myself around people I once considered a friend until they didn’t want me to anymore.

Then again, they don’t owe me anything. They don’t need to walk me through the whole process of their wrong doing like I did (albeit without their consent. I have a habit of over-explaining.)

People who really don’t like you aren’t worth your time trying to please. I had to learn that the hard way. I also had to learn that I have to accept people’s opinions of me, regardless of the negativity--not to wallow in the negative ones, but to either move on from them (if destructive) or learn from them (if constructive.)

And in this case? It feels like the middle. I know I can’t change those opinions. That’s fine. I don’t need or have to do the work to convince that change. Change is a choice and it’s their choice as to change their opinion of me.

What Craving External Validation Does to MFs (Or: The Part Where I Attempt to Get Introspective)

Let’s not get started on how I have difficulty forgiving myself. Especially when I knew I was at fault for an occasion. Even if other people forgave me, I couldn’t forgive myself.

That’s what craving external validation does to mfs.

Just as how I’d have unusual methods of self-harm, I had an unusual method of sympathy-fishing via self-victimization. Before I go into that, however, I will say I have engaged in classical self-victimization ala “i’m gonna tell everyone i know what happened so i can get their sympathy!” or “i’m gonna put passive-aggro lyrics in my Discord status to show these mfs how i feel!” and whatever else I can’t think of in the moment.

The “going around telling everyone” thing is really done with the intention of getting different opinions, actually. Still, two things can be true at the same time. So I can understand where outsiders come from when they say I look like I’m self-victimizing. And they’re right. It does appear like that regardless of intent. Also, nobody likes a broken record.

This time, however, the way I went about self-victimization/sympathy-fishing was different. I’m still trying to wrap my head around how self-demonization counts. I think I have an idea, where it’s like: “Wah, it’s all my fault! You should pity me now.”

I acted like I was the villain for everything. I acted like everything was my fault, whether I really did anything or not. In my mind, inaction is action. I let my guilt and shame take over whenever I start craving that sympathy fix.

Hell, I wasn’t even thinking that the kind of attention I wanted was sympathy. Then again, how would you know when you’re at an unstable state?

Conclusion

If any readers stumble upon this, and feels it is familiar: maybe it is--for you.

And if you read this and know (almost) exactly what I’m talking about: What are you doing on my page, and I will once again apologize. Perhaps a thousand times.

I can wait 1000 years to be apologized to and much more to be forgiven, no matter how severe the damage. But some people can’t and that’s okay.

Fuck this shit, I’m gonna play a different game now.