#those quotes connect for me
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Tolkien:
[the Men] should have a virtue to shape their life, amid the powers and chances of the world, beyond the Music of the Ainur, which is as fate to all things else; and of their operation everything should be, in form and deed, completed, and the world fulfilled unto the last and smallest
Mickiewicz:
Człowieku! gdybyś wiedział jaka twoja władza! Kiedy myśl w twojéj głowie, jako iskra w chmurze Zabłyśnie niewidzialna, obłoki zgromadza, I tworzy deszcz rodzajny, lub gromy i burze; [etc]
#who said it better?#polish#content warning polish XD#posts that would make sense to 2 people maybe a few more?#but anyway#those quotes connect for me#silm#random#it came to me while thinking about a longer post which i'll write later when i have time
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Even when you have a hard day just remember, Bucktommy "has anyone ever told you you're a vision in a cone?" will always be there. Tommy Kinard looked at his adorable boyfriend with a silly party hat on and thought Evan, you're beautiful, you're stunning, you're ravishing, you're a sight for sore eyes. I could never get tired of looking at you. I cherish you. There's nowhere I'd rather be than behind this couch at your side. And he was so real for that.
#needed to remind myself of this and infuse some joy into this wretched anniversary#at least it's almost over and tomorrow will be easier but man ever since 2018 my bday has inspired nothing so much as the belief that#Michael from The Good Place was right when he said birth is a curse and existence is prison like I'm always so depressed on this day#it's hard to look on the bright side when all I can think of is losing my boy 🥹 family tries to make me celebrate but I just want to mourn#what's that quote about grief being love persevering. I love you so much little mister I still think of you every day#it's just hard on this particular day because I still remember it all so clearly and it haunts me#a sweet Bucktommy crumb can be a nice distraction for a time though. Just like Unknown(nth) was when Hozier dropped it out of nowhere in '22#my kitty was called Oliver too not after OS but it is a nice connection that his work can cheer me a bit#ough. idk if anyone will see these tags but just in case I'll tag#pet death#animal death#to hopefully filter it out for anyone sorry to be all sad on my Bucktommy post I couldn't help it thinking of my boy all day needed to vent#and oh this needs actual tags#Bucktommy#911 spoilers#I hope I did those warning tags right idk if I should say “cw” or “tw” with them
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Had fun with these guys again,, more royalty au (ignore the sword cutting off weird </3) and messing with new brushes
Also the Helsknight one is like 3 weeks older than the Tanguish one, hence the color style being completely different
I’m! Actually putting them in outfits now!! The entire reason I started this au!! Yippee!!
@silverskye13
#redstone and skulk#tanguish#helsknight#rns: royalty au#ignore the tags it’s rambles lmao#there WAS a Tanguish that I drew with the Helsknight drawing but the cape I gave him looked atrocious imo#so I remade him#but better#Tanguish’s outfit is from a Pinterest post I saw#fit checks#how do I connect stars and the citadel to make their castle name#the urge to assign them star mythologies#the knowledge that I prob don’t have that energy lmao#(Aldebaran in astrology… but going through Antares research rn#(as a Taurus myself- Albebaran calls to me for Helsknight)#(The Follower- following the Pleiades in the sky)#(quote: believed to bring success- honor- and prosperity to those born under its influence- as well as protection from harm and danger)#(it’s the ‘Bulls Red Eye’ in the Taurus constellation- which i think is fitting#ANYWAYS#(doing more research don’t mind me)#I mean I totally don’t have the time and energy#goodnight!#nexart
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this whole thing being abt rage is also really interesting. I feel like it comes up so much in fiction as a motive because it's the one emotion that's unifyingly restless while everything else can be petrifying, and just personally nothing hits like impotent rage for me, esp. with teen characters, esp. with characters whose rage is stoked by Someone Else to further that Someone Else's cause. like you'll have done all that in a bout of passion and when you're done you look around you and nothing has changed. those sentiments don't get quelled by being satisfied. righteousness withdrawal is a horrible thing to intentionally drag someone into, least of all just some kids.
#I think Ive brought my personal experience into this whole thing lol but yeah just.#the ratgrinders read so much like radicalization to me. or you know just. high control group recruitment#and I've seen that one time brennan brought up uhhh conservatism? and where people come from with that#that quote of his thats like. before youre a fascist youre a bully. like extreme sentiments take root on specific soils#and that's like a higher level than what we're talking abt here lmao it's fake fantasy high school role playing#but yeah just like. the simultaneous understanding of the grift working on these kids bc they already think a certain way#and also the other part that is no matter what the way that they think is not. conducive to them being happy#like yeah a nasty person is nasty to be around! but that also means they're often isolated#which makes them even easier prey for people who want to use them#fhjy coming out in The Current Climate makes that connection so apparent too lol like#me hearing abt the rage god: oh so like twitter#for the record of course I Dont Know if this is a read that's intended by the show#but it maps well onto my experience with radicalization/decentralized cult#Ive just. been thinking abt the rat grinders in those terms ever since I made the connection#like. you're accomplished and high level and such. is this sustainable? have you done anything For Yourself#or has everything you've done so far been coerced out of you by someone else's sweettalking#anyways if I can run porter cliffbreaker over with a car I would. and I'd reverse on him too#truly thats the highschool trauma as well as the grown man with niblings talking lmao#nothing gets me more mad than a shitty teacher#not art
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Me: Okay, I have homework and test to study for, so no distractions.
My brain: Okay but what if you got the sudden creative desire to write a HOTD fic that focuses on Alicent and studies her relationship to her faith and how that influences/ties into her relationships with her parents, Rhaenyra, and her children?
Me:
#and if i said i spent about an hour writing nearly 800 words 😭#i thankfully pulled myself back but the urge is too strong! like that quote of “mother is like god” something something around those lines#had me in a chokehold bc it's so alicent & aegon coded (& probably mirrors alicent's relationship with her own mother to some extent)#or how using religion and playing on alicent's relationship with rhae#“targs are closer to gods than to men” alicent not getting that fully until she meets rhae 😭#being so connected to her that it transends oceans & the pull is so strong that it's only been mirrored by her religion#i could go on! idk when it'll be finished or if it'll involve s2 but it's working me#also if i publish it on ao3 it would be a big jump in themes from my bridgerton one to this so whew 😅#alicent hightower#aegon ii targaryen#helaena targaryen#aemond targaryen#rhaenys targaryen#current wip#hotd#house of the dragon
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absolutely hate when i can't think of where a quote or saying comes from but i know it absolutely comes from some piece of media i've consumed in the past and i agonize over trying to trace it back to the source and then give it up, and then i'm watching a piece of media and bam i found the root of the phrase and it's like. thor ragnarok. or something.
#kit to kit#two examples immediately come to mind one is thor ragnarok#ive been literally agonizing for maybe a year (when i remember to agonize)#over where the phrase 'im sorry you had to hear that. but you DID have to hear it.' came from#and i was like mean girls??#high school drama???#googling the words came up with nothing#and then i rewatched fleabag and olivia coleman says that to fleabag#and i was like yoooooo for teh longest time#and then also#the phrase 'i thought the world of you' with voice softer slash almost breaking in the middle#couldnt remember where it was from#fucking thor ragnarok#it bugs me especially cause im usually so good at connecting quotes to media ive consumed#like so good#but those two quotes slipped my mind everytime#and ive recently found out both of them#and it's like both a brain itch finally scratched#and an anvil to the skull
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"Why not?"
"I wish you were a girl."
#hughlander#at first i thought of hughie saying the first quote but the more i thought about it the more it made sense for it to be john HEAR ME OUT..#he was obviously trained to only enjoy the whole “american dream” so ofc that picture perfect look for him would be a woman next to him#while he himself is a piece of shit and cares only about his image he also just doesnt give a shit#(based on his behavior l8r on in the show) he also just doesnt care what anyone has to say especially since in his eyes he is THE strongest#no one can say anything to him and hes untouchable..which is why his odd obsession with hughie will prove to be zero issue#and while he tries to make a connection with hughie in his own overly possesive way hughie holds himself firm with his actions#(lowkey where things gets ooc oh well idc) homelander does try and make SOME sort of attempt in picking at his brain anf at hughie as to#figure out WHY he even is interested in “that loser” and in doing so he eventually finds that hughie for whatever stupid reason#notices that he GENUINELY does care about people and that its not some front like he really does and TRY to see some good in people#so john opens up slightly to him about what people at vought did to him as a kid and its those moments where homelander tries to make it-#light buy hughie looks at him and i mean really /looks/ at him and says “jesus thats fucked Im sorry” and john is absolutely dumbfounded#like so dumbfounded and the god honest yet short comment in regards to him opening up about his past#essentially john starts to feel what he always imagined what “feelings” are supposed to be and after a long time of him and hughie oddly#finding some sort of “middle ground” he tries to pull a move in a moment of odd peace amongst the two and hughie jerks back#john is so confused and i mean REALLY confused#he thought he read all those “signals” right based on the romantic films he was forced to watch why is hughie acting like this?#he doesnt want to even think about what this pain in his chest is and all he can ask is “why not?”
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how it started:
how it's going:
#jitxt#my stuff#proud owner of This Specific Photo of Kimura Takuya#not to conflate the two bc my enjoyment of yagami and kimutaku are connected but separate#but obviously it would be bs to pretend i would've been interested in smap without playing judgment#truthfully i was eyeing a magazine too but i don't like investing money/shelf space into an interest unless i'm certain it's here to stay#unfortunately kimura takuya is still only a recent interest so. something small like this is fine#though i might have to get a bromide holder to keep him safe... i know there's an aus run business that sells idol goods like that...#anyway uhhhh first picture context for those who might've missed my lore earlier:#is that post-JE pre-LJ. i didn't really care for yagami. lmao.#i saw yagami fans and it seemed like they were having fun but i genuinely didn't understand their affection for him#and so getting through LJ and starting to like yagami i was like WHAT IS GOING ON WITH ME#thinking “lol look at his lame flat ass (affectionate)” and then going “WHAT. WHAT WAS THAT.”#<- girl who realised that she sounded exactly like the yagami fans online#and so i wrestled with it for a while#and bc i was talking in my friend's discord server about my experience with LJ i have this golden screenshot#of the day i finally gave in. pretty sure i'd been looking at pictures of yagami and kimutaku for like an hour beforehand lol#AND MY MESSAGES AFTERWARDS WERE STILL DRIPPING WITH COPE ABOUT IT#said something along the lines of. that i thought they tried way too hard to make yagami seem cool#and then followed it by saying i felt genuinely upset thinking about how i could never be on a date with him#THE DENIAL IS CRAZY... JUST SAY YOU LIKE HIM#anyway i've long accepted my fate but it's still funny to think about#jichan is asked to leave the fandom for needing to play 2 games to start liking yagami#meanwhile my sister's opinion on him hasn't changed at all. “he's alright” <- real quote about yagami from days ago#anyhow that's one of the main reasons i'm playing JE. so i can reevaluate that game with fresh eyes/new perspective#excuse my impromptu storytime. but i guess this whole post is about landmark moments in Jichan Liking Yagami so it's not entirely unfitting#i like yagami takayuki 👍 and now i like kimura takuya too 👍#gave this photo a goodnight kiss last night btw
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Idk if this is just a me thing or what but i can seriously not remember the last time i watched or read an actor's interview about the show/movie they were on, I simply do not care to hear about their interpretation of things. I will come to my own conclusions and nothing anyone involved with the creation of the media can say will hurt me lol.
I think most people would benefit from this advice.
#rhaenicent#house of the dragon#hotd#mine#twitter is melting down about things that emma and olivia are saying about rhaenicent and i have avoided even seeing direct quotes#but it DOESNT MATTER#olivia and emma seem like lovely people (as were milly and emily btw) but we do not need to take their word as gospel nor the showrunners#enjoy what you enjoy and make your own connections and stop relying on validation from those involved with the production of the show#idk if it's cause i'm older now or if because i was fighting in the BELLARKE TRENCHES in 2014-2017 and every press release with#that show was a hot mess that made me want to scream but none of this effects me now i am so passed that phase of my life#all i do is watch my little shows and ship my little ships and look at pretty gifs/amvs and read people's analysis/fics & write my own fic#we dont need to be doing all this and trust me you will be SO much happier <3#also me entering hotd discourse 24 hours before the premiere...it's westeros time BABYYYY
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Reba McClane: I drew a freak
Will Graham: You didn't draw a freak. You drew a man with a freak on his back. There is nothing wrong with you.
Reba McClane: The blind attract them.
Will Graham: Not just the blind.
#This whole conversation makes me feel like I'm going to throw up#You know when you hear something awful and your stomach drops and you feel sick#That's how this makes me feel#It's awful to listen to Will have a connection with somebody over shared pain#He sees himself as a freak just as much as Hannibal#And it genuinely makes me want to cry watching how much he connects and cares about broken and hurt people#He does the same thing with Peter and Georgia#As much as he has his own darkness and cruelty he is also a broken stuggling man#And he's so kind to those people and it goes beyond him just being able to see through others minds#He genuinely relates to these people and feels their suffering - even if he didn't have his extreme empathy he would still genuinely relate#It makes me emotional because even though he has his own darkness and anger and cruelty I really believe that deep down Will is a good man#hannibal#nbc hannibal#will graham#hannibal nbc#hannibal meta#hannibal quotes#reba mcclane#Favs#Favourites
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"there's no blame for how our love did slowly fade/and now that it's gone, it's like it wasn't there at all" says DCFC, like that's a bad thing. as if forgetting isn't a soothing balm to a battered mind. what exactly were you hoping for? the door to slam behind you? passionate proclamations? you want stress, my guy? you want broken hearts? a love that slowly fades is a love that glides past you, like the tail of a cat that has finished nudging you. it lets you process its passing gradually rather than dumping the feelings on you all at once. like, god. that sounds like a relief. it is a kindness to be left wanting. no open wounds to lick. just a heavy heart to cradle in your hands. and it wakes up feeling new. like there was no pain at all. how is this a bad thing, Deathcab. how is this not the best case scenario.
#feel free to fight me about this in the notes (affectionate)#it's all interpretation. maybe DCFC is getting at something i don't see yet#but yeah idk this line always irks me a little#i guess i just feel a lot all the time. forever. and it's overwleming and i'd like to feel less of it#so a love that eases me into a goodbye sounds so. fucking. tender.#but yeah DCFC seems to get numb about stuff and they seem to not like that. Tiny Vessels - ''i wanted to believe in all the words that i wa#speaking as we moved together in the dark''#''tiny vessels oozed into your neck and formed the bruises that you said you didn't want to fade/but they did and so did i that day''#oh gosh i never connected those lines before. the singer fades (unwillingly? disappointedly?) in Tiny Vessels#and also fades unwillingly/disappointedly in#Title and Registration#which is the quoted song. did i say that yet#death cab for cutie#dcfc#snowswords#anyway. yea. im tired of fire. so i guess i appreciate this in a way DCFC can't#grass is always greener i s'pose
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i would just like to note that today the athletic completely confirmed my theory that the bedard family parenting style is letting connor drive the bus. ("How does a parent handle that? By letting the kid lead, of course.") especially fascinating to me in light of connor earegood's article underscoring the extremely different fantilli family parenting style.
#i feel like i talk way too much about my obsession with the contrast in bedard vs. fantilli parenting philosophies#but some of the quotes from giuliano were really fascinating to me#the way they made the conscious choice to nurture those extended family connections#not only for their own sake but specifically as a sanctuary from hockey#particularly when lazerus describes the bedard style as whatever makes connor calm and content#i think that is not a great parenting philosophy! sometimes you gotta do things that do not make your child happy but are good for them!#like going to family reunions and taking vacations to see new things!#anyway just ignore me this is probably all about my own issues and values
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shaking excitedly and tiredly
#lien speaks#maybe im just being too in my head these days bc you know#lifes being weird and transition periods wack#but do you ever have a moment where things sorta seem to align well and suddenly its like a clear path opening in front of you?#like idk....#so many things connected to each other and opening up and im a little starryeyed about it tbh but jhdjdjs#im a little afraid that all those good things will come crashing eventually sjfjdjd#maybe the last year and several months have worn me down that im Not used to good things happening anymore gjjddjdjs#LIKE I WANT TO TRY TO BE OPTIMISTIC AGAIN BC THATS WHAT MOST PEOPLE SEE ME AS#but i think its taking me a while to crawl back to who i was before#maybe its also that we can never go back anyways so trying to hold onto that idea is only more suffering#sighs....#but i just....#things are lining up and opportunities are opening#im just hoping that things will go my way#and these 6 months will be pleasant#whatever stresses come my way i hope ill let it pass#and i find myself happier than suffering the way i did the last year#that one quote thats like 'do not borrow grief for a future that hasnt happened yet'#or however it goes#sighsssssss#thisll probably be explained further on happy logs later tonight#just pls. plsplsplsplspls.
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#tag talk#anytime my friends point out that something I say is good advice or express that they see me as aspirational I'm always just like....#wtf how am I am example to look up to I'm just an idiot bumbling his way through life trying to avoid hitting her head on cabinet corners#honestly it's mostly just seeing mistakes others have made and going “I will not make those mistakes. I will make weirder mistakes than that#like. it feels a little like the “I'm eighty years old I'm done with putting up with everyone's bullshit” except it's#it's “I didn't kill myself so I'm not gonna put up with bullshit anymore”#like. I chose life. I'm not about to half-ass that decision. I'm not gonna walk back that decision. I'm not going to flinch away from it.#that fuckin... “what do we have to fear but fear itself” quote or whatever. like.. I died. you think anything else is gonna scare me?#if I'm going to be stuck here on this planet you bet your ass I'm gonna make the most of it. I'm not gonna be embarrassed. no shame.#we're all living here until we die and the things that matter are your own life and then the people around you.#I'm not going to miss out on a chance to find community and connection just because I'm afraid. I'm done being afraid.#though... I have been feeling shrimp emotions for the past two weeks and my stomach has tied itself up in knots over it.#I'm so detached because I'm afraid of feeling my emotions too strongly. so letting go and experiencing emotions is a lot for me.#and agghfffgghh I'm going to make it through this I'm going to make it through this but damn it's really rough#allowing yourself to get close to someone again after solidifying your position as unassailable is so hard.#especially because I've gotten so used to shielding the emotions of other people. hard to be honest when your honesty will hurt them#it's wild being around someone who's not wildly insecure because I can be genuine and honest and not worry about what I say hurting her.#I could say “I'm leaving in a year do you still want to date?” and trust that she would actually think it through and give a reliable answer#like. I can handle just my emotions because she's able to handle hers.#being in mental health spaces for so long I'm not used to interacting with emotionally stable people lmaooo#do you think I'm emotionally stable? I don't think I am. but then I meet other people who are wildly more unstable than I am and hmmm#like. sui wasn't an emotional choice it was a cost benefit analysis. I get emotionally unstable sure. but I contain myself until it's over.#I know enough to not be impulsive because I recognize impulsive behavior in others and thus in myself as well.#so like. I'm unstable but I'm not externally unstable. I know how to isolate when I'm in a wounded lashing out state.#anyway I've been processing so many emotions this past week because I'm wildly out of practice with allowing myself emotional honesty#instead of just bricking myself up behind my defensive apathy. I want to hold onto this. I want to continue to channel these emotions.#I want to be unafraid to tell people when I love them#though with her it's more of a Nerevarine situation. you are not someone I love but rather someone who might become that.#like. I haven't known her long enough to really say I love. but I very much think if things continue how they are I will be confident in it#and not even romantic love per se. I have some old friends who I genuinely love. several siblings who I love. most people I know I do not.
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Many thoughts about the sea as a space.....
From “‘Violent and Not Quite Modern?’: Lascars and Everyday Resistance Across the Sail–Steam Divide” by Naina Manjrekar (2019) and Crossing the Bay of Bengal by Sunil Amrith (2013)
#the sea as a negative space/gap between the land versus the sea as a land to itself#idk i've been thinking about the second quote ever since i read it#also just the sea as an archival gap is such a fascinating thing to think about#the first paper i was reading for fun because i got interested in lascars#and just like how the colonial indian ocean and the pre-colonial indian ocean intersect and challenge each other#i feel like in the Boat Books lascars are in a weird liminal space of being present and acknowledged but also not really#and i wanted to know more about them (esp since i have family history & connections to those places)#perce rambles#also just in general oceanic studies class is intersecting in interesting ways with the aubreyad and idk what to do with that#but if you guys wanted me to do something with it i would be happy to. i just feel like i am still too small and foolish to have thoughts
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My fave moment from that fandom tho was when another mutual drew oc x canon fanart based on a moment from one of my fics 🥺
#they even posted it with the quote and all like 🥺#it made me so happy I wanted to cry lol#i miss those connections but also im so done with fandom#i have never been in any fandom drama but just seeing it is enough to put me off#its really not that deep#sunny speaks
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