#this... I don't know what this is

[whumblr]

What if you wrote a scene where zayne is about to go at it (lol) and jays so tired and wrung out he just breaks down in tears? :0

Here we go!

Home is where the hurt is: Part 1

-

Cycle of abuse

Jay barely made out the glint of the knife before he was shoved back and he crashed into the wall.

Pain flared through him; all cuts, every bruise on his back lighting right up, all at the same time, mingling sharp stabs with dull throbs. The cuts seared through his skin, bruises pulsed so deep he swore the blood pressed against bone.

The air forced out of him in a sharp but cutoff yelp of pain. Tears sprang to his eyes. And not just from the pain. He only wanted to rest after a long day. Just wanted to be alone. Not deal with the pain, the aftermath, picking himself back up. He just wanted to stay dow—

He didn't even attempt to clutch at Zayne. Made no effort to keep upright. And before Zayne noticed and could grab him by the shirt or his arms, he slowly slid down the wall. His hands covered his face, the burning tears, and his trembling lips, but he still turned away in shame hoping Zayne wouldn’t see. He couldn’t stop it. Took a deep halting breath hoping to steady himself – didn’t work – and he just sat there on the floor, caught in-between Zayne’s legs and the wall.

His shoes came to a rest against the toes of Zayne’s boots and he folded in on himself, elbows resting on his knees, shoulders shuddering along with his frantic breaths.

"Wait. Are you..." A hand clasped his shoulder and shook him lightly but he swatted it off. "Are you crying?"

"Fuck off," Jay snarled from under his palms.

Zayne, in his awkwardness, lashed out. “Fuck’s sake, don’t be such a vajayjay.” This time he did curl a hand into Jay’s shirt to pull him up. But before he could, Jay sprang to his feet, shoved Zayne aside and shot past him, making his escape to the bathroom.

"Oh, come o--"

The harsh snap of the lock cut him off. And the other lock to the hallway, to ensure his safety and just to make a point. Mainly just to make a point… Zayne had already demonstrated that bathroom locks were useless.

But as Jay backed away slowly, fully prepared and keeping an eye on the lock, there was no pawing at the door, no clacking of the knife, and the lock didn’t slowly turn.

He sank down on the toilet, fully bending over, elbows on his knees, fingers combing through the short strands of hair until they clawed at the back of his head.

Deep breaths, come on, deep breaths.

He hadn’t meant to burst into tears like that. But like most breakdowns, he hadn’t been able to stop it either. The waterworks just turned on, as if the energy that usually was allotted to keeping emotions – and breakdowns – at bay was completely spent. He was drained. Battery completely empty.

And so he let it happen. Let it out. Didn’t try to keep his face straight, his lips from trembling. There was nothing to hide here. Yet he still did so; burying his face into the crook of his elbow, and keeping his sobs to a minimum volume.

It did calm him down. Probably also because his exhaustion level now peaked…

He brushed a sleeve over his cheekbones, wiped the salty splashes from his glasses, took a deep breath, and opened the door.

Zayne, unfortunately, hadn’t left yet, and sat waiting for him on the couch. He looked up, with a somewhat awkward expression.

“Do you want a hug?” he asked, but without much enthusiasm and he didn’t make any moves to get up.

“No,” Jay just said, somewhat indignant, and Zayne shrugged. “Would you want a hug from Emery?”

Zayne actually recoiled lightly at that and threw him a disgusted glance.

“Same thing, really,” Jay said, his time to shrug. Also, Emery would never offer a hug.

“Do not compare me to him.”

“He makes your life miserable, you make my life miserable. It’s the cycle of abuse.” Uncaring for any consequences, Jay just slumped down in his chair and dragged his laptop into his lap.

For a while, they sat in silence. Even though Jay could see Zayne struggling for words, opening his mouth every now and then, sitting up and pointedly glancing at Jay when he thought he’d found the words, but just backed out of it again.

Then he got up, and as he left turned to Jay. “Okay, but if you had to choose… between me or him.”

“I already have you both in my life and there isn’t much to choose.”

“No, idiot. For a hug.”

Ugh. Well, a hug was barely more intimate than being bodily pressed against a wall with a knife to your throat so… “Then you, I guess.”

-

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[bonesandthebees]

one of the most infuriating things about becoming an adult is when you realize that it actually is 10x easier to solve problems by making a phone call vs literally any other communication method

[fox-bright]

I am never going to be able to leave Reddit.

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Expertise can't help you here.

[lgbtlunaverse]

The world exists in such a baffling state of simultaneous sex-aversion and sex-hegemony. Every social platform on the internet is trying to banish sex workers to the shadow realm but I can't post a tweet without at least two bots replying P U S S Y I N B I O. People are self-censoring sex to seggs and $3× but every other ad you see is still filled with half-naked women. Rightwingers want queer people arrested for so much as existing in the same postal code as a child and are also drumming up a moral panic about how teenage boys aren't getting laid enough. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

[angelofthemornings]

Regardless of your gender or sexuality, reblog this and tag your most hetero male trait. Mine is either obsessing over my Altima or sitting around watching TV shows about air disasters.

[perrieedwards]

i feel like people are skimming over the uk riots in a way that makes me want to tear my hair out. muslims in the uk are in active danger. immigrants in the uk are in active danger. refugees in the uk are in active danger. people of colour in the uk are in active danger. asian communities in the uk are in active danger. black communities in the uk are in active danger.

there are massive far right riots throughout the country right now and people like fucking elon musk and nigel farage are inciting it and still have a platform to speak. people have used three young girls deaths, people's genuine grief in southport, to try and gain traction for their own racist bullshit and it's working.

a lot of refugee charities have been forced to close leaving many people without support, homes, funding, food, etc. if you aren't able to donate please consider sending a message via the conversation over borders campaign! it will send a hopeful, welcoming letter to a refugee in the uk. there is also a guide to staying safe here.

please do your own research and donate to refugee charities, anti-islamophobia charities, mosques who are trying to rebuild after being destroyed, counter protesters, here are some i've heard positive things about but the list is extensive; southport strong together (support for the southport victims and their families), southport mosque rebuilding, riot repair fund, middlesbrough vulnerable residents, nasir mosque rebuilding, hull help for refugees, bristol welcomes migrants,

[j-tee]

SHAPE HELL

Yup.

[roz-ani]

IS THIS YAOI DOOMED ENOUGH FOR YOU?! IS THIS WHAT YOU PEOPLE WANTED?! 😭

[pigswithwings]

the angel staying over at my house asked for a nightlight in their room and i told them buddy, don't you produce your own light? what're you gonna do with more? and they said they wanted to see why people like it so much. and also that the nightlight i own is blue and they've been trying to understand color. anyways i think they've stared at it for an hour now

[writing-is-a-martial-art]

Guy who has wandered through the halls and corridors of your body not with any special kind of love but with the untold intimacy of a contractor assessing the damages and potentials voice: right, so the main issue here is that the body is currently a temple, okay, and what we want is for it to be a home, cause temples are pretty and all and occasionally nice to be in if you're into that sort of thing but very few people would actually want to live in one. So what we're gonna do first is you're gonna take a look at what's here, the carrying walls and windows and all that, and you're going to come up with something you'd actually like to be alive inside of, and it's going to be a lot of work and it's going to feel strange and stupid and embarrassing but you're still gonna do it, because otherwise this construction site is fucked. And maybe what you want to live in is a skatepark or an anime-themed cat cafe or an esoteric library that has a dildo section for some reason, so it might feel like it's a downgrade from a temple, but it's actually the opposite cause the main customer for a body is you and the main customer for a temple are templegoers and maybe higher powers of some kind, - i wouldn't know about those, they never hired me, - not the temple itself, which is what you are, right, cause the body/mind/soul separation doesn't actually do anything, so what you're gonna do is look at the current layout and dig out whatever hope and ability to want you have and come up with a blueprint, and then my boys can actually get to work. Oh, and you have got to change the windows, it's drafty as fuck in here.

[jeannes-world]

HE'S DONE IT AGAIN ! HE MADE ONE OF THE MOST EXPENSIVE FOOD IN THE WORLD INTO CHOCOLATE !!!

[nouverx]

"I want to eat you" is their love language and you can't change my mind

[mroddmod]

they are like puppies. 2 me