#this year entertainment deserves a pedestal

[purplemoonabove]

By tomorrow, it would be two weeks since I’ve saw s2. The fact that it’s been in my mind so long as me watching both The Little Mermaid and Across The Spider Verse shows just how good, emotionally wrecking, and memorable it is — for me as both a fantasy fan and a writer, who wants to create stories that would have people this attached to

[mochinomnoms]

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Congrats on 1k followers Mochi (っ˘з(˘⌣˘ ) ♡ you so so so so deserve it. You always make me smile when I see your posts so I hope you have fun writing them.

If I might make a request, could I have Jade, Trey, and Ace with a romantic prompt 16 (“I won't lose you again.”)? I want to see them cry a lot just a tiny bit. Feel free to let the vibes guide you, I trust it will be very good.

-Yuri

jade leech, trey clover, ace trappola (separate) x gn!reader [tags] — angst in Ace's, hurt in Trey's, humor in Jade, implied time loop theory [wc} - 1,000+ each prompt 16: “I won't lose you again.” song: Be, Talk (Hozier, “Wasteland, Baby!”), Francesca (Hozier, “Unreal Unearth”) note - @yuri-is-online got it! went a lil wild cause I got massive inspo lmao. Also, let me know if yall can guess the anime I got inspired from with Ace's francesca (1k event)

“Be like the love that discovered the sin (Lover, be good to me) / That freed the first man and will do so again / And, lover, be good to me (Lover, be good to me)”

There were several things that caught Jade Leech’s attention during his life, but only a few kept his attention, after which he’d abandon his ‘toy’. Fungi, mountains, and poisonous flowers, were exceptions, to name a few. He had to admit to himself (and only himself) that there was one thing that revolved in his mind all this time later, dug deep into his brain like the mycelium of his beloved mushrooms in the forest floor. 

One. Thing. You. The funny little human from the broken down dorm. The funny little human with not a single ounce of magic in their veins. The cute little human that was captivated by his merform, an entirely foreign concept to them. The sweet little human with the even sweeter crush on him all throughout his second and third years. 

Perhaps it was cruel of him to entertain your affections with no real desire to follow through on them. Actually, scratch that, it was cruel of him to do so. It was just so…interesting to him at the time. He grew alongside his brother and Azul, none of them exactly being the most sought after during their childhood or teens. They were feared, each of them for multiple reasons, not exactly prime boyfriend material, despite some of their attempts to curate a specially crafted facade. 

Yet, you were so bewitched by him, enthralled, beguiled, and dare he say lovesick with him despite all the signs screaming “DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!” So please, forgive him for shamelessly flirting, and finding entertainment in your reactions. 

The dilated pupils as he leaned down to make eye contact. The sharp intakes when he cornered you against a library shelf, nonchalantly reaching for a random book. The shiver down your spine as he would lean over in class to whisper some nonsense in your ear regarding the class. All for the sole purpose to see you blush a pretty color and get flustered. Not for the jump in his heart at the thought of being revered so sweetly, or a potential lover being so good to him. 

It was just a bit of fun. That’s all it was. That’s all it was meant to be, when he finally left for his internship his third year. He paid no mind to the wistful look on your face as he gave his goodbyes, nor the strange creak in his heart at the sight.

Jade Leech was all he’s always been, and all he will ever be: a man that left his toys once they ceased to interest him.

Which is why he loathed that he’s been unable to remove you from his mind. Though, did he really? It wasn’t annoyance or hate, but an aching yearning that resided in his being. Jade spent many months tossing and turning in bed as he dreamt of you: shy smiles, soft eyes, and sweet words. He wanted, he needed to be free from this love-struck feeling, this infatuation. It was dragging him down from his finely constructed pedestal, like a sin striking an angel down from heaven. 

Yet, coming back to campus now, presenting his internship research at the end of the year, Jade found himself strangely content with the concept as he watched you. You’d taken on your role at NRC quite beautifully, and were the object of affection for many admirers, much to his dismay. Currently, you were attending to visitors, directing them to their destinations and helping the fourth years find their old clubs and friends, while he admired from around the corner.  

You were as you’ve always been, sweet, cute, and clueless to your surroundings as he stalked closer until he was behind you, leaning down until his lips inched close to your ear. 

He purred breathlessly into your ear, “Oh Prefect~ Is that you, my dear?” Jade didn’t miss the shudder that flew up your spine as you jumped away in shock. 

“EEP! W-what the—” You whipped your head around to berate the man before realizing who it was. “Oh, jeez, Jade! You’re back—why’d you do that?!”

The tall man chuckled as he straightened to his normal height. Oh, how he missed you. And your reactions, of course. 

“I simply missed your delightful expressions, you always have been rather reactive with me, haven’t you?”

“What—nooo. I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Huffing, you crossed your arms and jerked your gaze away in irritation. At least, it would be if not for the blush on your cheeks. 

“Fuhuhuh, that blush suggests otherwise.” A giddy feeling filled his chest as Jade inched closer to you, in which you backed away. This continued until he managed to corner you against the stone way of the hallway. 

“This is a familiar sight, is it not?” Jade cooed as he leaned down again, a hand reaching to caress your cheek. “I did miss you, didn’t you—”

A smack. Jade blinked in surprise as his hand was thrown back by your own. Now you looked more annoyed than flustered. 

“I’m sure you did.” You hissed sarcastically, narrowing your gaze at him. “Ha! Please, more like missed messing with me. If you really missed me, you’d’ve called or messaged me like the others in our class. Even Azul checked up on me!”

Jade…hadn’t been aware of that. He’s been too into his own head, reliving memories with you that it hadn’t occurred to him that you’d actually might lose affection for him. 

The thought made him a little sick. 

He pouted, taking your chin in his hand to tilt your head up to his. “Is that so? Please forgive me for my most egregious sin. I don’t wish to lose you again.”

“Hmph, again?” You made a sound of offense. Despite your words, you still looked up at Jade with a  shy gaze, eyes darting down to his lips every so often. 

You never had me in the first place.” You scoffed, trying to avert your blushing gaze, though he kept a firm grip, moving to squeeze your cheeks into a pucker.  

Jade chuckled, “Your previous actions say otherwise, though I am quite a fool for not taking what was mine in the first place.”

“Y-yours?! You-you-you can’t just say things like that—eep!” You let you a deliciously cute squeak, which he swallowed up as he stole a kiss. 

“Now, now my little lover, be good to me and let me revel in your affections, I’ve derived myself from them for far too long now, have I not?”

And I'd be the immediate forgiveness in Eurydice / Imagine being loved by me / I won't deny I've got in my mind now (Hey, yeah) / All the things I would do

He wasn’t sure why he had any faith in Crowley to get you back home. Really, that’s on him for thinking the headmage would put any work into your return home. If Trey had known that you’d still be here in Twisted Wonderland, years after his graduation, he wouldn’t have ever broken up with you. 

Granted, it hadn’t exactly been his choice in the first place, as you had abruptly ended the relationship towards the end of his fourth year. Told him to enjoy his life without you weighing him down, despite his insistence that you’d do no such thing. 

Trey finally relented when you told him that you had a world, a family, a home (without him) to get to. Somewhere you belonged, somewhere that wasn’t with him. 

It hurt, yes, knowing that you were never really meant to be with him in the first place. It was simply by magical chance that you were plucked from your world to turn his own upside down. Likewise, it was simply by chance that you and him got together to steal and eat his heart, leaving him almost an empty shell of himself. 

So it was a surprise to see you at Riddle’s wedding, of all places, dressed up in a pretty green outfit as you giggled with some bridesmaids. Seven, you looked good, the fabric hugging all the right spots. Maybe he was being a bit delusional, but Trey swears that the green of your outfit matched the color of his hair, and he had a small possessive streak pass through him at the thought. If it wasn’t for Cater pinching his arm, Trey would be sure that he was in a dream. 

“Ow! Cater!” Trey hissed, rubbing his arm as the strawberry-blonde smirked at him. Cater’s hair was longer now, but he kept his signature style from school still. 

“Go on, talk to them.” Cater nudged him with his elbow, gesturing to you. “I know you want too~”

Trey huffed, watching the liquid in his cup as he swirled his punch. “I’m fine, thanks.”

“Oh, come on!” Cater whined, latching on to Trey’s arm. 

“We didn’t end on good terms.”

Cater countered, “You didn’t end on bad ones either.”

“Hmph.” Trey clicked his tongue, eyeing you from the corner of his eye. Your hair had grown longer, and was dyed. It looked nice on you.

Still leaning against Trey, Cater pouted before a mischievous look passed over his face as he leaned in to whisper in Trey’s ear. 

“Besides, I heard they’ve stayed single since being with you.”

“…” A sigh. “Really?”

“Totes, so you really ought to go make a move before that blonde dude does, though it doesn’t look like he’s having much luck.”

Finally deciding to look up, Trey noticed your uncomfortable expression as the guy twirled a strand of your hair with his fingers. Despite being known for being rather mild-mannered, a handful of your mutual friends knew the truth: Trey had a nasty jealous streak where you were concerned. 

He wasn’t sure when or how he got across the room, but Trey was suddenly hovering over you and the blond man, hazel eyes piercing his back. Surprise flitted your features as a hand was offered to you, along with a familiar. 

“Sorry, hope I’m not interrupting.” Trey had to withhold a smug smirk as he saw your eyes light up at the sight of him. “But would you mind sharing a dance?”

You eagerly nodded, taking his hand and mumbling a half-hearted apology to the other man as Trey guided you to the dance floor, filled with couples sharing a dance to the latest love song. 

His hands rested on the familiar curve of your waist as your arms wrapped around his neck, hesitating before finally settling your hands on the back of his neck. The two of you swayed to the music, a surprisingly comfortable silence between you two. Honestly? It was as if you two never broke up, with how your bodies curled into each other, heart-to-heart.

Yet, neither one of you seems willing to start the conversation he was begging to have.

“… You look beautiful—”

“You look wonderful—” 

Both of you opened your mouths at the same time, interrupting each other before sharing a giggle.

“Sorry, sorry. You go first.”

Trey shook his head. “No, go ahead.”

You smiled, something soft and a bit sad, before looking him up and down. “You look good, got stockier. The bakery’s got you working hard, hm?”

“Ha, yeah. It has, what…about you?”

Your lips thinned, as you looked away. “Still at NRC with Grim, we teach the new Beast-tamer curriculum. It’s…fun.”

Silence fell over you two again, the elephant in the room hanging between you two.

“You’ve been here, all this time, then?”

You nodded, a sliver of shame passing over your features. 

“He never did find me a way home after we…you know…”

Trey sharply inhaled, tightening his grip and rubbing soothing circles as he nodded. “Yeah…why didn’t you…tell me. Why didn’t you come back?” He left out the ‘to me.’

You stopped dancing, making him stumble slightly as he watched your face intently, heart aching at the tears growing in your eyes. 

 “I—” Trey watched as you swallowed a lump in your throat, voice shaky. “—I felt so bad that you’d spent your time and energy on being with me when I might not even stay, so I wanted you to go off and live life. But then, he never did find me a way back, and I realized that I just pushed you away, and I just couldn’t face you—”

You broke into sobs, burying your face into his chest as Trey led you away from the dance floor. He managed to pull you into a secluded hallway, one for the staff to enter in and out of the kitchen. Trey held you close as he rubbed your back, resting his cheek on the top of your head as you rested into the crook of his neck.

“I-I'm sorry… I shouldn't be…” You were sniffling, letting out little hiccups as you spoke. “—crying like this… I'm not trying to make you… feel bad… I just… I should go…”

As you moved to pull away, Trey tightened his grip, hand reaching up to caress your cheek as you looked up at him with watery eyes. You were as beautiful as the day you left him, tears streaking your makeup and all. 

“Don’t, please, I—” Trey sighed, resting his forehead against yours. “I won’t lose you again. I missed you so much, please, stay?”

You nodded, still sniffling, as you moved to kiss the palm holding your cheek. “I missed you too, but aren’t you mad at me? For not coming back?”

Trey shook his head, smiling softly at you. Whatever anger he had was immediately forgiven at the sight of you before him. He couldn’t care less about the last few years, as long as he had you back in his arms again. 

“As long as I can have you back in my arms, the past is forgiven. As long as…you’ll have me?”

The two of you shared another sweet smile, leaning into each other to press your lips in a soft, fleeting kiss. The type of kiss you give when you can’t tell the difference between a dream and reality. Cater’s quick photo of you two lovers would later help cement that fact that this was reality. 

It’s a week later that Trey has that exact same picture set as his home and lock screen.

I'd tell them, "Put me back in it" (Da-ah, darlin') / I would do it again (Ah-ah, ah-ah) / If I could hold you for a minute (Da-ah, darlin') / I'd go through it again (Ah-ah, ah-ah)

It’s all dark. It’s always dark until the moment Ace opens his eyes and the coffin opens. Ace goes through the orientation ceremony, only to have it interrupted by you stumbling into the Mirror Chamber, an energetic and egotistical Grim demanding to take your spot. 

It’s dark in the cave that he goes into with you two and Deuce to collect the new chandelier magistone. You're screaming, he’s screaming, so are Deuce and Grim. It’s a shit show, even before Riddle comes to drag him and Deuce back to the dorm. 

It’s dark when he makes the trek to your dorm after being collared. Grumbling about just wanting a snack, about Riddle’s unnecessary rage, and about who the hell can remember all 810 rules. It’s light, though, that he sees when you open the door to Ramshackle, the warm, old lightbulbs from the hallway creating a halo around you. 

It’s light again, in the morning as the sun filters through the broken window, you poking him awake to get to class.

Ace has never been one to get sentimental, the idea of love is frightening, to be frank. But looking at you again, light curtaining your features, he was reminded why he did what he did. 

Why he punched Riddle for his outburst and insults to you. 

Why he threw himself into the fight against Leona as he threatened to turn you to sand. 

Why he let himself get “tricked” by Azul again and again, get beaten up by the twins under the sea again and again. Why he tried to run back to school to your rescue, only to be too late again and again. Why he endured the embarrassment of losing the SDC. 

He’d hoped that this time he’d be able to avoid getting into a coma from the S.T.Y.X. Charon robots again, but he had no luck, so you once again had to depend on Rook and Epel getting you through the Isle of Woe. Maybe he should’ve focused on getting Grim back after scratching you, or maybe just prevented him from eating all the blot stones, then you wouldn’t have been in this mess. 

It might have prevented Malleus’s own blot, though Ace wasn’t really sure what led to his spiraling. It was probably a combination of a lot of information, as it was with the rest of the blots. Either way, he’d been hoping that preventing Grim from eating the 8th blot stone would’ve prevented this. 

Ace wouldn’t know though, as he’s been through this year at least 4 times now. Trying to prevent what he’s slowly starting to believe is inevitable.  

He’s replayed your deaths over and over in his brain. The first one that happened, he was upset for losing a friend, but probably would’ve gotten over it. It sounds harsh, but that was the reality of the situation. 

After the second loop, Ace started noticing you more. Things he missed out on the first time. The way you smiled, the way you walked, the way you tugged on your shirt when you were nervous. It was cute. 

It was his third loop that he started noticing little things. How you liked to grab on to his arm when it got too crowded. How you always made an effort to help him in class, despite having to catch up with nearly 2 decades of curriculum just to understand the professors. He noticed how you’d blush whenever he’d make flirty jokes. 

It was his fourth, and current, loop that he really started to view you differently. That he started to view these second, third, and fourth chances as a way to keep you safe. To not lose you again. 

You were always helping him, despite the stress he caused you. Every time you’d let him crash in your dorm, eventually convincing you to let him share at least your room. He’d be up, tossing and turning as he watched your sleep. He wasn’t trying to be creepy, but seeing you take your whole situation in stride, every overblot, every condescending comment, every shenanigan Grim, Deuce, and him really made Ace think about why he was doing this. 

Was it because he felt bad? No, it certainly wasn’t the first time, anyway. Was it because he liked having you around? Kinda, maybe a little. Was it because every time he’d ask you why you got involved with all the drama at school, you’d answer with a shrug, a smile, and simply answer “I gotta protect my friends, as best I can anyway.” That was probably partially the reason.

He thinks the reason he’s so desperate to make sure you stay around is because of the promise you made with him the first loop around: “If I can’t go home, let’s always stick together! I like you, and you like me, so we can support each other every way we can.”

You’d made this promise, in one form or another, every loop.

“Promise we’ll stay friends, even after graduation! I wanna stick by my first friend’s side!”

“Ace? Do you actually promise to take care of me? I know I’m a pain, no magic and all, but I’ve taken care of you in my own way, do you really promise to do the same?”

It was his fourth time watching you live your year in Twisted Wonderland. And it’s then that it clicked for him: he was falling deep into love with the magicless Prefect that cared way too much for others, and much too little for themselves. 

“Ace…” you gasped, a bloodied hand reaching out for him as an overblotted Grim made a rampage throughout the Mirror Chamber. He could hear the others screaming, magic being cast, and a distinct yowl from Grim as Riddle launched another fire spell at him. 

Ace cringed as the giant direbeast that was once his little fiery friend screamed in pain, running around until he tripped and fell through where there was once a wall. Grim let out an eerie, inhuman scream as he fell, a sickening crunch echoing as he landed on the stone ground. For the fourth time, Grim was gone. But that didn’t matter, not when he was watching you die for the fourth time. 

“Hey! Hey, hey, hey I’m here.” Ace had managed to crawl over to you, clasping your hand with his own. He rested your head on his lap as you coughed, red liquid leaving your mouth as you did. 

“No, nononononono—you’re fine!” Ace hyperventilated as he looked over your battered body. He was sure that he had prevented Grim from eating Vil’s blot stone. Was that not the reason he turned into this? Did he only need to eat a few before turning into a monster? He was so confident that he’d managed to keep you safe. So why? Whywhywhywhywhywhywhy—

“Ace.” He froze as you murmured his name, your other hand reaching for his cheek, wiping away the tears he didn’t realize he was leaving. 

“Ace, promise me you’ll stay with me? I don’t want to be alone right now…” you hiccuped as you started crying, curling into his chest as Ace cradled you. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t help! I was so useless, so useless to let Grim get to this point. So useless as a friend, I’m so sorry!”

Ace curled into you, ignoring the voices from behind you two, no doubt the other students coming to the realization that you’d be grievously harmed. 

“I’ll stay with you, I’m always with you.” Ace shuddered. He felt like throwing up. “I’m going to try again, I won’t be too late this time. I’ll make sure to keep you safe this time. I won't lose you again.”

Ace ignored the person shaking his shoulder as he watched you hyperventilate, before your breathing slowed and eventually stopped. He ignored the surprised cries as magic swirled around him, as he activated his signature spell for the fifth, and hopefully final time:

With a flick of the wand, a rhythm sublime,

Reverse The Clock, turn back the chime,

No time to say 'Hello', goodbye!

I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!

It’s all dark. It’s always dark until the moment Ace opens his eyes and the coffin opens for the fifth time.

comments and reblogs appreciated 🩷

[ivoryghostyy]

— meet Cirius

「 image is not mine. it's sourced from pinterest. 」

「 note: look who's back after not posting for idfk how long. but hey, here's a fic, plus a new layout! haha... i have so much to edit, but anyways, i hope y'all enjoy this little idea i've pulled straight out of my ass. man, i could not get it out of my head. so, uh, have fun ig. 'til next time. buh-bye! 」

「 tw: swearing, mentions/implications of violence, threatening, obsession, manipulation, etc. 」

—————————————————————————————————

human emotions are fickle, but for Cirius, they're practically a foreign concept. dull faces accompanied him wherever he went. they would bother him, talk to him, and feign interest. no mask, however, could completely cover the rotting desires humans hide.

it confuses him, really, but what can he do? if they entertain him, then playing along wouldn't hurt anyone. otherwise, he'd probably die of boredom. besides, he has a reputation to keep. lashing out would only destroy his own facade.

university wasn't doing him any good either, despite his well-maintained rank. he's perfect, and every single one of them could see that. they praise him, and they raise him onto a pedestal. it's nothing new, not interesting at all. his eyes don't spare any of them a glance.

so imagine his surprise when he comes across you. it was onky a brief moment—barely even a second—but he saw it. you weren't hidden in a shroud of grey clouds, you were the embodiment of the sun. your eyes sparkled brighter than any gem he had ever seen. and he's seen a lot of gems, so that says a lot.

you're.. different. and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't intrigued. how did he miss someone like you? he hummed, a finger tapping the fabric of his sleeve. a new student, perhaps? but why would anyone transfer so late into the year?

you scurried away before he could say anything. ah, he should have atleast gotten your name... but it's alright. his fingers weave through the soft knots of his light pink hair, a cold smile creeping onto his plush lips.

it doesn't take much to find you and your entire history. goodness, he should've found you sooner. you've been living like this for your entire life? you're barely able to keep yourselves afloat. he's exaggerating. the more he learns about you, and the more he watches you, the deeper he falls into the dark pit of obsession.

don't worry, he'll take care of everything. his darling wife deserves the best and only the best, after all. he'll talk to his parents and arrange a dinner with his future family-in-law your parents, throw in a few lies here, a few threats there, and it's smooth sailing towards your engagement.

surely, you'll agree, right? even if you don't, do you really have a choice? anything he wants, he will have. and you? you're no exception.

you pace through the bustling halls, weaving through the chattering human barricades as they march into another boring lecture. contrary to the relaxed pace of these students, however, you're scrambling to reach your own destination: the library.

since you're free for this period, you thought you'd take the time to look around the grand library. really, this is the only reason you tried so hard to get into such a prestigious school. your family wasn't well-off, but earn enough to keep a delicious meal on your plate and a sturdy roof above your head.

the polished doubledoors creak open, and without wasting another second, you're already scanning book-lined shelves. the forgotten book of herbal remedies, the book of lies, 101 ways to hide a body... wait, what?

deciding not to question it, you finally find a good novel to read. to nobody's surprise, it's dark romance because of course it is. happily, you sink into a comfy bean bag this makes me kinda jealous and lose yourself within the pages, ignorant to brown eyes watching your every move.

a shadow looms over you, and you barely have any time to react before you're pulled into a lean chest, arms wrapped securely around your waist.

"wh-"

"there you are, my precious wife!"

your brain is barely processing the situation. what is he talking about? who is he talking about? it takes a around a minute before you've pulled yourself back, landing not-so gracefully onto the bean bag that you were just sitting on a moment before.

"sorry, i think you may have the wrong person," you say, firmly.

you've never seen this man in your life, who the hell does he think he is? what did he call you? his wife? he better be joking. he's either mistaken or insane. probably the latter, hun. he's insanely in love with you.

"how could i mistake you for anyone else?"

and now he's pulling you along to his fancy car, talking about how he'll introduce you to his parents because apparantly, he's already talked to them about the wedding and-

what do you mean he's talked to your parents!? and they didn't tell you anything!? that's because he threatened them with your safety, but you don't have to know that.

the worst part? you left your book at the library!

could it be any worse? yes, it could. after dinner with your supposed parents-in-law, you pull him aside. he's happy to follow you, anticipating anything you have to say. are you excited too? he's already imagining all the fun you'll have together. cuddling with you, holding your hand, going on dates, spending the rest of his life with you-

"i'm sorry, but i'm not marrying you."

"..good joke, honey."

you're not joking? he falls silent. you've already left by the time he came back to his senses, and he's never felt emptier in his life. how do you think this man—someone who had been given everything he could ever need; who could have the whole world served on a silver platter if he asked—will face the rejection of the single person he's genuinely fallen head over heels for?

it's safe to say that his ego is absolutely bruised. don't even get me started on his heart. words cannot describe the world-shattering devestation he felt. no, he wouldn't stand for this. he's never taken no for an answer, and he certainly isn't starting now.

you will be with him, and he doesn't care if he has to shatter your legs just to make sure you never leave. let's hope it never comes to that, though. he quite likes it when you smile, but he supposedly wouldn't mind seeing you cry, either.

within the next few months, it's like the world is crumbling. your parents lose their jobs, your grades are suddenly dropping, you can barely earn enough from your part-time job to keep food on your plates—it's a mess.

you're struggling, and he knows it.

when you're at your lowest point, he'll pay you a visit. pitiful darling, you know he can make it all go away, right? he'll help you. like a demon tempting to grant your deepest, darkest desire.

"shh, don't cry, sweetheart," he'll take care of you.

don't worry, honey, he can make it all go away. it's not difficult to give you back all that he took away. everything you've lost can be placed right back onto your gorgeous little palm.

but at what cost?

your body.

your soul.

your mind.

your everything.

don't you see, honey? he would do anything for you. new clothes? he'll buy the entire mall. need a better house? how about a mansion? want the moon? he'll do his best to get it for you, no questions asked. you could have everything you could ever want and more.

it's a generous offer, lovely. all he asks for, in return, is that you give up. you were his the moment he saw you, and that might have been the biggest mistake of your life.

say yes, honey. it's the only option you have.

[drama-trauma]

THE DEVIL'S TEACHINGS

Warnings: Religious themes, sacrilegious themes, Reader is in a cult of sorts,mentions of devil and God, brief mentions of sacrifices and criminals

The reader worships the devil.This work is not a reflection of my views and is meant purely for entertainment.

You tried. You really did. Growing up you gave many chances to God. You tried believing but couldn't bring yourself too. It was not a matter of ' why would evil still prevail if he existed?' or anything of that sort. It was a matter of believing and worshipping someone you aren't even sure exists.

You believed everyone deserved a chance. You gave God one. It didn't work out. So when a blonde guy clad in the outfit of a priest came upto you , you didn't give it much thought. He gave off the aura of a terrible person. You could tell that much from first glance. He was suspicious. Why would he come upto you of all people on a peaceful day while staring out the bridge? You knew he seemed to be bad news. But you didn't care.

He urged you to give the devil a chance, so you did. You went to his preaching sessions consisting of more people than you expected in a small wore down old Church.The place was in absolute shambles but the people attending didn't seem to mind. They listened to him with such attention that it was surprising.You have seen kids and adults alike fall asleep during the Sundays you went to church when you yourself were a kid. But here they didn't.

At a point you realised that although they worshipped the devil , in their minds they truly worshipped Abaddon , the priest like figure more or less.They saw him as salvation. They saw him as freedom. They saw him as their God. You never understood them. He was quite insane in your opinion. But so were you.

After a couple months, slowly but surely you got to know him better. You came to the realisation that the devil was his escape from this cruel world. The devil promised a world of dreams, hopes and desires. He did not discriminate, for all who believed in him would surely be granted the sweet fruit of temptation.

You've reached a conclusion after about a year that the devil does not reside in a place underground called Hell. For he existed right next to you. To you , the devil was Abaddon. To the people he was their God.

You were sure that he was the devil. No man could look so angelic but be this diabolical in nature except him. He offered sacrifices to the devil. But those who were sacrificed were those referred by others as abusers and criminals.He slaughtered them with a face that was filled with pity. He did not put them down or on a pedestal during their deaths. He simply prayed for salvation. For them. For the people. For you.For him.

At a point you even started liking Abaddon.You started attending all the prayer sessions regularly. You started paying attention to his preachings. You started looking forward to them. You started worshipping the devil. You started worshipping him.

You were sure that Abaddon was the devil. For no man could have such striking scarlet eyes filled with temptation yet be devoid of emotions like his. For no man could be the devil except him.

[onemustalwaysbecarefulofbooks]

Why I Dislike Rhysand, Part 1: Not a Martyr Like You Think

So. . this rant has been a long time coming. I finally came to the conclusion that it would be too much to include all in one post. There are so many different things I feel the need to touch on and include that I decided I’m going to be breaking it up. Enjoy Part 1. 

I also feel the need to start off by saying that I’ve been an SJM reader for nearly ten years now. I remember when ACOTAR first came out. I remember reading ACOMAF upon its release and nearly being blown over by my intense disgust and dislike for how a story was handled. ACOMAF was released in 2016, so I’ve been holding on to a lot of this for the better part of seven years. I don’t know how many of you were a part of the ACOTAR or SJM community here on Tumblr back in those days but let me tell you. . .it was something else. The fevered Rhysand obsession and worship was WILD. The fans were CUT THROAT and had no mercy. If you even HINTED at the fact that you felt like Rhys was not All That, they came for you and they came hard. I have never been one to engage in ridiculous arguments with strangers on the internet so I kept most of my feelings to myself. It’s giving me immense satisfaction and validation to see so many people begin to express things that are so like minded with how I feel. Keep fighting the good fight!

SO! We’re going to dive deep with this and go back to before the series chronologically even started. 

A huge part of why I so strongly dislike Rhysand is that I find it very hard to sympathize with him regarding his time UTM. 

Yes, you read that correctly.

Now, I realize that that sentence alone is enough to cause a lot of people to click away from this in disgust immediately. I challenge those people to keep reading and to hear me out. I try and make it a point to back everything I have to say with canon facts and logical sense. One of the fatal (or perhaps not so fatal) flaws I have as a reader is that 99% of the time, I am not able to just let things go and absorb them at face value for the sake of an entertaining story. You can sell me just about anything and I’ll be able to find some enjoyment in it. . .if it makes sense. If something exists in a scenario that is contradictory or just plain illogical, I tend to fixate on it and not be able to let it go (I call this the Ravenclaw in me). Sometimes I almost resent that I’m like this because I feel like it prevents me from just having a good time with literature, but for better or worse, this is the kind of reader I am. 

Unfortunately, the ACOTAR series, specifically many things that have to do with Rhys and the Inner Circle, are riddled with things like this. Now, it’s no secret to any SJM reader that Sarah J Maas is OBSESSED with Rhys and the Inner Circle. Like. . .OBSESSED. I’ve truly never seen anything like it from an author. She so plainly and clearly holds these characters on pedestals and believes them to be the best of the best. She also so plainly and clearly works very hard to try and get the readers to feel the same way. This is why I say that SJM is one of the most confusing and frustrating authors I’ve ever read about. She clearly feels this way and wants US to feel this way. So you’d think, if that was her end goal, that she would simply just write characters who really ARE the best of the best and deserve to be on pedestals. Easy, right? She has total control over the actions, thoughts, and words of these characters, every other character, the plot, the narrative, the direction of the entire story. So just. . .write them as being perfect saintly beings, as you so clearly view them as?? You have the power to do this?

But here’s where the confusing and frustrating part comes in: She doesn’t.

Instead of giving us these characters who truly ARE as virtuous and amazing and wonderful as she thinks they are, she instead gives us characters who do horrific, selfish, and highly questionable things across the span of the series and then gaslights her readers by continuing to hold these characters on pedestals and laud them as being The Best In Every Way. . .while their atrocious deeds are sitting RIGHT THERE on the page being completely ignored in every way. It’s one of the most unaware and bizarre things I’ve ever witnessed from an author and honestly, from a group of readers. The amount of people who just blindly accept anything SJM says as Gospel is wild to me. I really don’t understand how people just swallow this stuff and can’t see it for what it is. Open your mind to just an ounce of critical thinking and I really do believe you’ll begin to see things in a new way. 

So. . .my point in all that being: SJM clearly wanted us to have a ton of sympathy for Rhys from his ordeal with Amarantha and his time UTM. The scene is set perfectly! Valiant and selfless Rhysand volunteers himself to play Amarantha’s whore in order to keep her attention from the city and the people Rhys loves so much. He lives for 50 years having to “service” a psychotic evil woman who actively tries to bring destruction to his entire country. Horrible, right??? Unthinkable. What he went through!!! What he had to do!!! No one has a selfless heart like he does!!!!

The only problem is. . .this entire scenario has a million holes in it. Let’s explore some of them. 

So, when Amarantha returns to Prythian, Rhys heads to her little party without any backup from the IC. He plans to kill Amarantha himself but of course, she tricks all the High Lords and captures their power before this can happen. 

Sidenote: This is another thing I can’t stand about Rhysand’s power: We are told over and over and over that he is THE MOST powerful High Lord not just of the seven current High Lords, but in all of Prythian’s HISTORY. In the High Lord’s meeting during ACOWAR (top contender for my least favorite scene of the entire series), Feyre says: 

The others, who had been watching with disdain and amusement and boredom, now turned to my mate. Now possessed a shadow of fear in their eyes as they realized who and what, exactly, sat amongst them. 

Brethren, and yet not. Tamlin was a High Lord, as powerful as any of them.

Except for the ones at my side. Rhys was as different from them as humans were to Fae. 

Okay, first of all:

Second of all. . .once again, we are faced with SJM’s convenient Whatever-I-Need-To-Happen-Will-Happen story telling. She claims that Rhys is as different from all the other High Lords as humans are to fae. And despite this, he still gets tricked and overtaken by Amarantha, the exact same as all the rest of them. His powers were ripped away by that spell just the same as all the others. Being the so-called “Most Powerful High Lord in Prythian’s History” didn’t mean anything in that situation. He’s the mOSt POwerfUL HiGH LOrd iN HiSTORy, but was able to be totally overtaken by Amarantha just like everyone else. Looks like that title really should have gone to HER!

Anyway. . .as Rhys feels his powers being ripped away, we are told that in desperation, he “threw the shield around Velaris”, binding it to my friends so that they had to remain or risk that protection collapsing and used the last dregs to tell them mind to mind what was happening and to stay away”. 

What a noble sacrifice right??

INCONSISTENCY ALERT: There were ALREADY spells and protections hiding Velaris and there had been for years!!!!!! 

The first time I read Rhys’s explanation of this, I was super confused. SJM tells it like he was the one who created Velaris’s shield and protection right there in this moment. That this act was the only thing that kept it hidden and safe from Amarantha. But like. . .this is not the case!!!! 

Don’t believe me??

“Did you even think for one moment,” I said, my voice like gravel, “to extend that luck to anywhere else? Anyone else?”

“Other cities,” he said calmly, “are known to the world. Velaris has remained secret beyond the borders of these lands for millenia. Amarantha did not touch it because she did not know it existed. None of her beasts did. No one in the other courts knows of its existence, either.”

“How?”

“Spells and wards and my ruthless, ruthless ancestors, who were willing to do anything to preserve a piece of goodness in our wretched world.”

(ACOMAF, page 144)

The Velaris Wiki page states:

To preserve it, an ancient High Lord kept Velaris a secret, and so did his descendants. There are many spells on the city itself—laid by him, and his heirs, that make those who trade here unable to say anything about the city and possess the skill to convincingly lie in order to keep the origin of their goods and ships, hidden from the rest of the world. Rumor has it that an ancient High Lord doused his blood upon the stones and river to keep that spell eternal. 

And then in ACOMAF, we get:

“I used the remainder of my power to shield them all from sight and sound. I had only enough for one city--one place. I chose the one that had been hidden from history already. I chose, and now must live with the consequences of knowing there were more left outside who suffered. But for those here. . .anyone flying or traveling near Velaris would see nothing but barren rock, and if they tried to walk through it, they’d find themselves suddenly deciding otherwise. And because my powers were focused on shielding them all, Feyre, I had very little to use against Amarantha.”

So, which is it?? Did your ancestors shield and protect Velaris or did you?? 

Do you see the contradictory writing here? 

Again, in ACOMAF:

“You are safe here, and safe anywhere in this city, for that matter. Velaris’s walls are well protected and have not been breached in 5,000 years.”

According to what Sarah J Maas herself has written, the city of Velaris already had extensive wards and protection on it for millennia. The city had been a safe haven from the rest of the world and a complete secret for 5,000 years. So I was very confused as to why it was being made out to be that Rhys made this Grand Ultimate Sacrifice to shield the city and its inhabitants from Amarantha, when this was already the case before this. She wouldn't have touched it because she didn’t know about it. . .words from Rhys’s own mouth!!!! 

I’m sure in Sarah’s mind, she just needed to make a way for the IC to not come after Rhys and try and help him, so this is what she came up with. Regardless. . .Velaris already had protection on it that did not rely on Cassian, Azriel, Mor, and Amren. You’re saying that with the last shreds of his power, Rhysand undid centuries old ancient blood protection of his ancestors, created an entirely NEW foolproof protection plan, and bound it to the Inner Circle?? 

I’d also like to point out that Kallias, High Lord of Winter, did essentially the same thing with Viviane and the Winter Court. 

And in those last moments, when his power was ripped from him by that spell. . .Kallias had flung out the remnants to warn her. To tell Viviane he loved her. And then he begged her to protect their people.

So she had. 

As Mor and my friends had protected Velaris, Viviane had veiled and guarded the small city under her watch, offering safe harbor to those who made it. 

(ACOWAR, pages 410-411)

These situations are exact parallels of each other. Kallias and Rhysand couldn’t protect their entire courts, but they were able to throw shields and protections around the one city where their loved ones were. The Winter Court was ravaged by Amarantha’s troops, we know this from the story. But evidently, this one city where Viviane was remained protected. And in this situation, I have infinitely more respect for Kallias than I do for Rhysand.

Rhysand claimed he became Amarantha’s whore in order to keep enemies from looking too closely at who he really was and who he loved. He serviced her in bed and committed atrocious deeds in her name for 50 years. All this, he claimed, to protect Velaris and his loved ones. 

So please explain to me how Kallias was able to do the same thing. . .WITHOUT doing Amarantha’s dirty work. 

As I said, I know fully well that the Winter Court in general was not spared by Amarantha. We all read about the children who had their minds wiped (conveniently by some OTHER daemati who we never learn about or hear about ever again). It sounds like Amarantha tried her hardest to destroy the Court in general. But remember. . .the Night Court is not exclusively Velaris. If you look at the map of Prythian, the Night Court is huge! It’s the largest of all the Courts. We have no idea what happened to the rest of the Night Court that was outside of Velaris’s protection. Since it’s such a big deal that Velaris is such a whole, untouched city, I’m willing to go out on a limb and say that it probably wasn’t spared any more than the rest of Prythian was. So it stands to reason that both the Night Court and the Winter Court had one city that remained protected while the rest of their Court was destroyed.

Even further than that. . .it is specifically stated that Viviane offered shelter and protection to anyone who made it to that protected city where she was. Kallias begged her to protect their people and she did. It was a city of safe haven for any refugees who could make it there. (Viviane was Prythian’s first High Lady and that’s the tea). 

Rhysand KNEW what was happening all throughout Prythian during this time. . .he helped partake in it!!! Did he think to offer the same protection for innocent refugees in Velaris during this time??

We all know the answer.

I’m not saying that Rhys was obligated to do this. In a horrible situation like that, I’m sure many people would enter survival mode and adapt an “every man for himself” mindset. It’s an extremely Slytherin move to make, and I don’t really mean that in a bad way. But at the end of the day, Rhysand prioritized his friend group over every innocent citizen of Prythian. 

Kallias and Viviane didn’t do that. 

Again, I don’t entirely blame Rhysand for this!! I think a lot of people would have made the same decision!! But just. . .don’t ask me to act like Rhys’s decision was some grand ultimate sacrifice that was more than any other High Lord made. It’s not. SJM, if you want Rhys to be my fave, why are you putting characters in here like K and V who do the more noble and honorable thing?? 

Kallias didn’t have mind powers where he was able to erase the knowledge of Viviane from every one UTM who knew about her as Rhys did with the Inner Circle. There weren’t already extensive, centuries-old shields and protection guarding the city that she was in. And despite this, he STILL asked her to protect their people, and she kept the city open for refugees who could make it there. AND he remained true to his cause and didn’t do Amarantha’s dirty work for her to “keep people from looking too closely”. 

And yet Feyre and everyone else tell us constantly that “no one sacrificed as much” as Rhys. Yeah, no. My respect for Kallias and Viviane is 10000000x greater than Rhysand. Sorry, not sorry. 

And this leads me to my next point. 

One of the biggest issues I have with Rhys’s time UTM in general, is that his actions are treated by the narrative and the other characters as the MOST sacrificial out of all the High Lords. 

As I’ve expressed above, I do not buy this for one second. And I actually find it pretty insulting on behalf of all the other High Lords!!

Rhysand’s choices and actions were entirely self-serving. He did nothing to fight against Amarantha or protect citizens of Prythian in general. It was entirely about his city and his friends. Again, I’m not saying I condemn him for this! It was a horrible situation and this was what he chose to do. People do crazy things for the people they love. But that’s my point. . .it was a CHOICE. He CHOSE to “service” Amarantha. He CHOSE to do her dirty work and commit atrocious deeds in her name. And every choice he made protected no one but the people who were important to HIM. So I’m just not really sure how/why I’m expected to feel the greatest amount of sympathy for HIM, over the other High Lords, many of whom stayed in open rebellion and never aided Amarantha. How easy would it have been for any of the other High Lords to attempt the same thing he did, and pretend to sympathize with Amarantha? Maybe not “servicing” her as Rhys did, but pretending to deflect to her side, doing dirty work for her, in order to attempt to spare their Courts and THEIR loved ones??? Did anyone else do this??? NO.

Rhys says he bows for no one but that isn’t true. He bowed for Amarantha. The other High Lords did not. 

The High Lords of Summer, Day, and Winter lost their lives by refusing to submit to Amarantha. (ACOTAR, page 284). 

And I’m supposed to have the greatest amount of sympathy for Rhysand??

People talk about how horrible it was for Rhys during those 50 years Under the Mountain. I’m not here to say his life was pleasant. But what I AM here to say is that in comparison to what the other High Lords’ lives were like. . .I find it hard to have MORE sympathy for him than the others. 

“If that was what she wanted, then that was what she would get. I made her beg, and scream, and used my lingering powers to make it so good for her that she wanted more. Craved more.”

“For fifty years--whenever I was inside her, I’d think about killing her. She had no idea. None. Because I was so good at my job that she thought I enjoyed it too. So she began to trust me--more than the others. Especially when I proved what I could do to her enemies.”

Rhys is “so good at his job” of killing Amarantha’s enemies (and one assumes that Amarantha’s enemies are, you know, PEOPLE FIGHTING FOR PRYTHIAN AND AGAINST HER OPPRESSION) and so thorough in their sexual acts, that Amarantha begins to trust him. He is allowed certain freedoms that no one else has. He is not trapped for 50 straight years Under the Mountain. In ACOTAR alone, we see him visit the Spring Court three different times. Do you think any of those other High Lords saw daylight even once during those 50 years?? 

He is clearly allowed to move about as he wants to Under the Mountain. He visits Feyre in her cell several times, seemingly without Amarantha knowing. She is a prisoner of Amarantha, but he’s allowed to do whatever he wants to and with her. 

Essentially. . .Rhys lived as a member of Amarantha’s court UTM. He served as her fuck buddy and one of her main attack dogs. To our knowledge he wasn’t tortured, starved, or forced to watch, powerless, as someone or something he loved was dangled over him. High Lords were losing their lives living in open rebellion against Amarantha, while Rhys lived with a level of security that no one else had. I am NOT saying that servicing Amarantha was pleasant for him, obviously it wasn’t. But at the end of the day. . .this was a choice he made. Everyone makes choices and has consequences of those choices. Rhys chose to serve Amarantha in bed and was given a position of power and security that no one else had. The other High Lords chose to openly oppose and resist her and subsequently had to suffer and live in terror with none of the freedom or choices Rhys was given. I honestly fail to see how Rhys’s decision was more valiant than all the rest. 

Again, this is NOT me trying to say that Rhys did not suffer at all UTM. I completely acknowledge that he suffered his own type of torment. I just get very sick and tired of him being treated as if he is the Greatest, Most Suffering, and Only Martyr in all of Prythian. 

I often say that Sarah writes all of these characters and this entire story in a way that elevates and favors Rhysand, even if in doing so she has people saying and doing things that make absolutely no logical sense. Everything that happens after UTM is a prime example of this. 

The fact that the other Courts and High Lords are so quick to trust Rhysand and work so closely with him after the events of UTM is downright ridiculous and makes absolutely no sense. All of them have EVERY reason to be extremely mistrustful, if not openly hostile to him, after what they witnessed for 50 years. I myself do not understand most of his actions during ACOTAR. Let’s dive into all of THAT.

I made a post separately on this, but I’ll still comment on it here. Rhys claims that he “thought” about killing Amarantha the entire time he worked for her. However, he claims:

“I couldn’t use my powers to harm her, and she had shielded herself against physical attacks”.

There’s nothing I hate more than contrived convenient story-telling. To me, this is on the same level as Feyre not being able to have a C-section in ACOSF. We need it to be true, so we’re just going to say it’s true. . .no matter how little sense it makes in this context. 

Rhys says that he, the most powerful High Lord ever born, had his power ripped away by Amarantha. On page 520 of ACOMAF he says, “Within a few seconds, my power belonged wholly to Amarantha”. 

But does it??? Let’s take a look at all the things Rhys is able to do with his power during his time under Amarantha, without her knowledge or consent:

Uses it to enhance the sexual experience between him and Amarantha, making her beg and scream, and crave him (ACOMAF, page 520)

Broke into the minds of the three fae who cornered Feyre on Calanmai, reshaped their lives, their histories, and then made them confess to Amarantha that they were rebels (ACOMAF, page 523)

“Against my violation, my body straightened, every muscle going taut, my bones straining. Magic, but deeper than that. Power that seized everything inside me and took control: even my blood flowed where he willed it.” (ACOTAR, page 239)

“I couldn’t move. An invisible, talon-tipped hand scraped against my mind. And I knew--one push, one swipe of those mental claws, and who I was would cease to exist.” (ACOTAR, page 239)

Broke into Clare Beddor’s mind when she was captured and took away her pain, told her to scream when she was expected to, then finally slipped into her mind and ended her life (ACOMAF, page 524)

Visits Feyre in her cell UTM and heals her shattered arm completely (where was this power to save her from a C-Section???)

Mentally controls and commands the guards to stay out of Feyre’s cell and not touch her. “If you do, you’re to take your own daggers and gut yourselves. Understood?” Dazed, numb nods, then they blinked and straightened. I hid my trembling. Glamour, mind control--whatever it was he had done, it worked. They beckoned--but didn’t dare touch me. (ACOTAR, page 344)

Enters Feyre’s mind to influence and help her during her second task

Convenient storytelling at its finest. He may not have total control over the full extent of his power, but it is abundantly clear that he definitely has control of some of it! And yet we’re told that Rhys is completely unable to do anything to harm or kill Amarantha, because she holds all his power!! It belonged “wholly to her” as he said! But he’s able to do all of this stuff without her knowledge???

Forget killing her with his power!!! Lysandra killed Arobynn Hamel by slitting his throat in the middle of the night! I’m sorry, I do not find it believable that the Most Powerful High Lord in Prythian’s HISTORY was completely unable to find a way to end this bitch’s life in 50 years, ESPECIALLY when it’s explicitly stated that she allows him certain freedoms and he does things without her knowledge. I just don’t!!!! 

So if I’M thinking that. . .what do you think the rest of the people UTM were thinking??? Can you see how they might be very suspicious of him??

In addition to this. . .his actions regarding Tamlin, and eventually Feyre, make zero logical sense in the context of their situation. Let’s take a look at THAT mess.

So Rhysand is suffering in this horrible awful torment, having to play Amarantha’s whore and do evil things for her. He hates every minute of it, he grows to hate himself, he claims. 

And in this giant mess, there is only ONE road to freedom for not just him, but for everyone. And that’s Tamlin.

“Then she cursed Tamlin. And my other great enemy became the one loophole that might free us all.”

Rhys knows about the curse. He knows the stipulations and what Tamlin must accomplish. He knows that doing so will free them all.

Wouldn't you then think that he would do everything in his power to attempt to aid and assist Tamlin during the course of those 50 years?????

I know he hates Tamlin by that point anyway, due to the rivalry between their families. But, my God. . .would that really matter at this point?? If me and my entire country were stuck in the position Prythian was in, I don’t really think I’d give a shit who our freedom depended on. It could be my greatest mortal enemy and I’m pretty sure I’d still be like Okay Buddy, let’s do this. I wouldn't say I’d LIKE it. But I’d use whoever I could to get me and everyone else out of that situation. 

If Rhysand, the Inner Circle, Velaris, and every other High Fae in Prythian’s lives and futures depended on Tamlin getting a human girl to fall in love with him, I would think Rhysand would be doing whatever he possibly could to further this along and make it happen. Don’t try and say that he couldn’t do it because Amarantha would find out. Rhys WAS able to keep secrets from her and do things she didn’t know about (see my big list up there! ^^) Don’t try and say that he wouldn't risk dropping his Bad Guy Mask because it would make people look “too closely” at him and possibly target Velaris and the IC (I would have a million comebacks to that. As I’ve already said, there were ALREADY extensive shields and protections guarding Velaris and had been for years. Rhys had wiped the knowledge of the IC from the minds of everyone who knew about them. And wouldn't the safer, better option for the IC be that the curse was broken??? So if he really wanted to protect them, this was the #1 thing he should be doing!!!!)

When it became clear to us all in ACOMAF that Rhys was not in fact, really a bad guy, the very first thing I immediately wondered was, “If this were the case, why was he not trying to HELP Tamlin all those years???” If that was their one loophole and their one shot at freedom and ending the nightmare they were in, why on EARTH did Rhys spend 50 years bullying, manipulating, and tormenting the ONE PERSON who had a shot at freeing them??!?!?!? 

Rhys tells Feyre in Chapter 54 of ACOMAF:

“I didn’t know. That you were with Tamlin. That you were staying at the Spring Court. Amarantha sent me that day after the Summer Solstice because I’d been so successful on Calanmai. I was prepared to mock him, maybe pick a fight.”

Again, do not tell me that Rhys was a slave to Amarantha so there wasn’t anything he could do. That is NONSENSE. After Calanmai he crafts an entire fabricated story to tell her and brings people he’s mind manipulated into validating what he’s saying. 

Instead of offering Tamlin support, or at the very least, leaving him alone, he chooses to terrorize him and his people. He leaves severed heads on the manor house grounds, taunts Tamlin about the curse, and taunts Lucien about his mother and his dead lover. Listen to what he says to Tamlin and Lucien, before he knows Feyre is there: 

“What a pity that you must endure the brunt of it, Tamlin--and an even greater pity that you’re so resigned to your fate. You might be stubborn, but this is pathetic.”

“Little Lucien. You certainly gave them something to talk about when you switched to Spring. Such a sad thing, to see your lovely mother in perpetual mourning over losing you.”

“She’s already preparing for you. Given your current state, I think I can safely report that you’ve already been broken and will reconsider her offer.”

This is flat out disgusting behavior. This is the man you want me to have sympathy for, to view as the “better man”. Tamlin and Lucien were even greater victims at this point than Rhys was himself. They were running out of time after desperately fighting a losing battle, with the entire weight of Prythian on their shoulders. Rhys’s actions do not make sense. He is digging his own grave by behaving this way. If he wanted himself and everyone to be free so badly, I’m really not sure why he’s going out of his way to mock Tamlin, make his life difficult, and taunt him about not breaking the curse. 

But things don’t stop there! They get even MORE illogical when Feyre enters the picture!!

So once Rhys discovers Feyre’s presence, he immediately picks up on the emotional connection between her and Tamlin. In this situation, I would expect his first reaction to be glee. He didn’t know who Feyre was at that point, other than a girl he’d been dreaming about (and he later reveals that he first believed these dreams meant that she would be the one to save them all). Did anyone really expect Tamlin to break that curse?? Did anyone really expect him to find a human girl with hate in her heart for the Fae and have her fall in love with him?? I don’t think for a minute Amarantha actually believed there was even the slightest chance of this happening, just like she didn’t really believe Feyre had any chance of winning all three of her trials. It’s a mind game, nothing more. But here Tamlin is, on the very brink of meeting the very specific standards set by Amarantha. 

But what does Rhys do? Amp up the dramatics to scare Tamlin into sending Feyre back across the wall, therefore ensuring that the curse will never be broken. 

His reasoning, he tells us in ACOMAF, is:

“I made Tamlin beg--as Amarantha had made me beg, to show him how powerless he was to save you. And I prayed my performance was enough to get him to send you away. Back to the human realm, away from Amarantha. Because she was going to find you. If you broke that curse, she was going to find you and kill you.”

Um. . .if Feyre breaks the curse, that means that Tamlin gets his powers back. If Tamlin gets his powers back, Amarantha is dead. If Tamlin didn’t do it, certainly one of the other High Lords would have. If you’ll recall, Feyre DOES break the curse and when that happens, Amarantha is dead in literally seconds. Her power isn’t brute strength, it’s trickery. She is no match for Tamlin whatsoever. She literally backs away in fear and pleads for her life. It’s not even a close competition!!! She doesn’t get a single scratch on him! 

Now, I will fully admit. . .this was also something I always found kind of dumb on Tamlin’s part as well. It’s seen as this grand act of love that he sends her away and puts her safety before all of Prythian’s but I’ve always been like. . .dude. You were literally A DAY away from getting out of this thing. Tamlin, as a High Lord with his full power returned, really couldn’t shield and protect Feyre in the time it would take him to kill Amarantha? Yes, he wouldn't be able to properly protect her under their current circumstances without any of his real power, but that was the whole point of the curse. . .if Feyre told Tamlin she loved him and meant it, his power would be returned. The way in which he would be able to protect her would not be the same. You’d think at the point they were at, both Tamlin AND Rhysand would be bouncing around like the singing candlestick and clock from Beauty and the Beast trying to woo a confession out of Feyre. Kallias was able to shield Viviane for 50 years while his Court was under direct attack, I have to believe Tamlin could shield Feyre for the very short time it would take him, or any other High Lord, to end Amarantha. 

Rhys later says:

“If there was a shot of freeing us from Amarantha, you were it. I thought. . .I thought the Cauldron had been sending me these dreams to tell me that you would be the one to save us. Save my people.”

So. . .if this were the case, wouldn't it make more sense to just get a happy little “I love you” out of her before the 50 years were up? Tamlin and the High Lord’s powers would return and Amarantha would be “bloody ribbons”, as SJM likes to say, in seconds. Which is exactly what happened. All the struggle and strife of her trials UTM totally avoided!! 

What I’m essentially trying to say here is that most of Rhys’s actions during this time were in direct contradiction to what he claimed he really wanted. If Tamlin was Prythian’s only shot at freedom for all those years, you’d think he would be trying to secretly aid him in some way, or at the very least, not go out of his way to torment him. If Feyre was in Tamlin’s house, clearly in love with him, and the Curse was expiring in one day, you’d think he’d go back to Amarantha and be like “Nope, sorry, nothing to report” and pray the two of them would get it together for the sake of Prythian. 

Essentially, what I’m trying to say here is that I struggle to have a ton of sympathy for Rhys during this time because I feel as if the explanations that are given for his behavior and actions are flimsy and don’t hold up against most arguments. He felt as if he HAD to become Amarantha’s lover and lapdog in order to keep her from figuring things out about his friends and trying to hurt them. . .who were concealed in a city that hadn’t been breached for 5,000 years and the knowledge of them had been wiped from every person who knew them UTM. He “couldn’t” kill or hurt Amarantha because his power belonged “wholly” to her. . .but he was able to use his powers in ways that worked against her without her knowledge or consent about tons of other things. He was so tormented and miserable in his time UTM that he. . .mocked and tormented the one person who had a shot at freeing them all. When he saw that Tamlin was right on the brink of actually breaking the curse he. . .manipulated him into ensuring that it would never be broken. All the while being surrounded by other leaders who did not have the luxury of shielding their loved ones in an anciently protected city, who worked to help all innocent citizens of Prythian, and who were losing their lives over their refusal to submit to an evil tyrant. I have a vastly larger degree of sympathy and respect for these other High Lords than I do with Rhysand. I find Rhys to be either very self-serving, or doing things that seem to directly contradict what he claims he wants. I do not blame any of the High Lords for being wary and mistrustful of him after UTM--it makes perfect sense that they would (but that’s a topic for another section of this rant!). This is a prime example of SJM self-sacrificing through her writing. I can guarantee you I wouldn't feel as strongly about this as I do after hearing it beaten into my head over and over what a noble, selfless, honorable hero Rhys was during this time. I’m sorry, it doesn’t add up to me. Too many holes, too many contradictions. Which, unfortunately, is pretty standard fare when it comes to Rhys.

Remember, this was only Part 1!! Part 2--Why Rhys is actually a terrible High Lord--coming soon! 

[welcometocaritas-creations]

so i wrote the draft for a Diego/Lila s4 au fic last year

It's about 150-200k in length and it's going to be a while before I can get it post worthy (soooo much editing to do) and I still have my wolfwren fic to finish first. BUT in light of the horror show that was s4, I thought I'd give you guys a sneak peek to cleanse the palette

When I do post, it will be on my AO3 account here . So if you want you can subscribe to me and then when I post it, you'll know :) It's sort of a Lila-centric fic that deals with her trauma and how impending motherhood impacts that and is impacted by it - but obviously Diego/Lila is a huge part of the fic.

So without further ado. . .

. . .

“Gracie. If it’s a girl.”

Diego’s brow furrows. “Wait, really?”

Lila shrugs. “Sure. Why not?”

In truth, she’s a little intimidated by Grace Hargreeves, though they’ve never met. Or at least, she’s never met the version of her that Diego holds up on a pedestal. Half robot or not, Lila knows she was a better mum than she can ever hope to be. That she was soft where Lila is hard, quiet where she’s loud, sensitive where she’s callous. Lila will never be even half as good as her at this mothering bullshit.

But she wants to be.

The name can be a reminder. And, though logically she knows there can be no better reminder than her own flesh and blood child standing in front of her, the deck is stacked against her. So she’s willing to pull out all the stops. Rational or not.

Besides. . . she was Diego’s mum. Gave him a soft place to land growing up. Gave him love when there was none to find.

When they were in the asylum, Diego never had a nice word to say about anyone.

Except for her.

Lila thinks that’s something that deserves to be honored. Celebrated, even. The fact that one of them had a mum growing up that wasn’t complete shit. Even if she was prevented by her own programming from actually protecting her children.

(this, at least, is one thing Lila thinks she can do better. Protecting her child. She’s not a robot designed by her kids’ abuser, after all. She’s also more skilled in a fight than her birth parents. A winning combination, really.

She may not turn out to be a good mum in any sense of the definition but she’ll be damned if she can’t keep them safe.

And who will keep them safe from you?)

Lila’s skin feels hot. And sweaty. Like she’s skipped breakfast. And lunch. And three nights' worth of dinners. “Diego. . . what if we screw this up?”

“Then we’ll do our best to unscrew it.”

She snorts. Laughs.

Appreciates the words more than if he offered an infuriatingly optimistic denial. The reassurance that: of course they won’t screw up their kid, how silly of her to even entertain the thought.

“Unscrew our kid?”

Diego smiles - probably at her laugh - and shifts until he’s seated beside her on the bed, rather than behind her. So she has no choice but to see the earnestness in his eyes. And there is so much bleeding earnestness. She’s not sure how this man ever convinced himself he was a lone wolf. This is a pack animal through and through. “Yeah, listen, Lila. . . we’re sort of stumbling around in the dark here. You’re not the only one who feels that. Who’s scared shitless.” This too is a comfort. “But that’s how I felt with Stan and things didn’t turn out too bad.”

“He was Kugelblitzed.”

“Well, that’s hardly going to happen again.“

She smacks him on the shoulder. “Oh God, now you’ve jinxed it and it’s definitely going to happen again. Are you crazy?”

She could kill him.

Diego grins through a wince, refusing to grasp the grievous error he’s just made. “The point is we’re going to make mistakes. Big mistakes. Small mistakes. Lots of mistakes.”

“Is this supposed to be comforting?”

(Lila knows he’s only slightly less emotionally congested than her but, still, she expected better)

He leans closer, into her space - a dirty move that makes her breath catch. “Your mother and my father made mistakes too. The difference is they never saw them that way. Never tried to fix them. Never learned from them. . . They never tried to do better. To fix what they’d broken. They didn’t want to. . . That’s not us. That will never be us. Because, yeah, Lila we’re going to make a mess of things. A big huge stinking mess. But we’ll clean it up afterwards. And the next mess will be a little less messy.”

“I hate cleaning.”

His eye twitches. “Can you just- I’m trying to do a whole speech here.”

“I know and it’s a surprisingly good one.” Diego’s brow knits together like he’s not sure whether to take that as a compliment or an insult. “Maybe instead of trying to save a president by cutting off some bloke’s trigger finger you should just run for office. I think you’d be brilliant.”

“I would suck as president. I’d stab someone within the first hour.”

“Like I said,” Lila wraps her arms around his neck with a grin, “Brilliant.”

(she’d vote to see that)

Diego rolls his eyes at this but rewards her masterful plan with a kiss. “You would make a pretty badass First Lady.”

. . .

[this is just a short excerpt from like the seventh chapter but I figured it would be a nice read after, well. . . everything]

Also here have some Lila and Diego fanart:

[chibimui]

The Apothecary Diaries Idol/Boyband AU (JinMao)

Omg. The brain worms really struck me yesterday after @blur0se shared these scan and like... I just cannot get this idea out of my head. This ended up being a 1000+ text note on my phone which I wrote before I went to sleep and am now cleaning up and fleshing out for public consumption.

Hiding the rest under a cut cause giddy up folks, you're in for a ride.

(also if anyone wants to take this idea and make it their own, by all means go ahead).

So, my thoughts/outline for "What if Jinshi joined an idol competition where Maomao was the dance instructor and one of the judges?" (she's no longer a judge).

Setting:

Jinshi is part of an idol competition TV show being produced by Li Entertainment owned by Ka Gyouyou (You, the Emperor). It's an elimination style competition where folks get to remain based on popular audience vote AND the judging panel. A new 5-member boyband will be debuted based on the winners of the competition.

Jinshi:

Jinshi is an immediate audience favourite mainly due to his looks and ~charming personality~. Jinshi is also a stage name - his real name is Ka Zuigetsu. He is the son of You and Ah-Duo - he is aware of this, but was raised by both his grandmothers mostly and kept out of the public eye. You and Ah-Duo never got married, it was a teenage pregnancy that was kept hush hush since both of them were up and coming celebrities. The public has no knowledge of Jinshi actually, but it comes out at some point during the show due to the scarily competent/intrusive detective work that only fans are capable of.

His dancing and singing skills are also pretty decent. Unfortunately, his skills get unfairly judged by viewers who are overly critical, so they end up downplaying his talent, to offset his fans who tend to put him on a pedestal. This gets even worse once his background is revealed.

In reality, on stage he does often appear to be kind of stiff/awkward due to his lack of self confidence. However, behind-the-stage clips show that when he thinks he's alone/off camera he's actually really damn good at both singing and dancing, and he clearly puts in a ridiculous amount of effort (some would argue too much).

You actually just wanted to debut Jinshi without any real prior exposure when he started showing interest in the idol industry, but Jinshi felt he didn't deserve that so he was the one that chose to enter the idol competition to prove himself. Of course, once the public finds out his connection to Li Entertainment they start assuming the competition is rigged anyway.

Maomao:

Maomao is one of the dance instructors. She was in last years production as well and is known for being a bit of a taskmaster, incredibly blunt and sharp with her critiques, but she's not mean. Previous watchers know that Maomao takes her job as an instructor seriously, she really wants to teach the craft well and genuinely hopes the talents succeed. She's also really quick to know when someone is just hoping to coast and will immediately put them in their place.

Viewers know that if you want to succeed you a) don't mess with Maomao and b) LISTEN TO WHAT SHE TELLS YOU CAUSE SHE'S RIGHT.

The reason Maomao knows dance is because she was raised in her families dance academy (The Verdigris House)! Maomao also personally enjoys choreographing dances - she's not interested in performing herself, but she likes the "puzzle" of matching dance moves to a song and creating a captivating performance. This was why she accepted the offer to be a dance instructor for the show when producers came knocking on the door of the Verdigris House. She is also a university student studying pharmacology and hopes to become a full-time pharmacist like her grand uncle, Luomen.

Other Characters:

Basen, Rikuson, Lihaku and Lahan are all part of this competition as well. They are the guys who end up debuting with Jinshi to form the idol group "Flower 5" otherwise the F5 (Yeah, I'm unoriginal, but COME ON. HOW COULD I NOT JUMP ONTO THE FLOWER IMAGE).

People do not know Lahan and Maomao are related and at first just think Maomao super hates Lahan because he seems like one of the guys who just wants to coast. When Lahan calls Maomao his "little sister", fans just think he's purposely trying to piss her off (they're not wrong...). Of course, eventually it's dug out that they are actually cousins which adds more fuel to the "this competition is rigged" agenda.

Much to Maomao's chagrin, Lahan is actually quite a competent all-rounder in singing and dancing -- he just seems to have an innate understanding of rhythm and music. He constantly says "It's just numbers". No one gets it, but it works for him. She doesn't get how, but he also manages to gain a lot of the audience vote. Because Lahan has such a good sense of rhythm and words, he ends up being very good at rapping.

Lihaku is his typical himbo self. He's super physically fit and a great dancer, has amazing stamina and his personality is A+++. His singing is a bit lacking, but it's not terrible. He's also dating Pairin, never tries to hide it, and will come to defend her honor whenever anyone tries to talk bad about her. She was the one who encouraged him to try out for the competition.

Basen and Jinshi are closer to childhood acquaintances, rather than friends, but they end up bonding on this show more. Basen is a great dancer as well. Him and Lihaku are absolute powerhouses when it comes to doing some insane dance sequences. Fans love it. When it's off-stage, fans really enjoy seeing Basen and Jinshi losing brain cells around each other because both were raised in rich but sheltered environments so neither of them know how to do a lot of basic tasks. These are the two idiots who set off the fire alarm trying to make instant ramen.

Rikuson is the biggest rival when it comes to Jinshi's popularity. Rikuson fans and Jinshi fans DO NOT GET ALONG (except for the shipper fans). Rikuson also has the face, the dancing and singing skills, and instead of being awkward and lacking confidence (like Jinshi) he's just politely humble about it. There's definitely a portion of the viewers who think he's just a major fake.

Once Jinshi is able to come into his confidence a bit more, him and Rikuson get along decently. They're not friends, but they have a healthy amount of respect for reach other. Rikuson has a bit too much fun teasing Jinshi with a lot of backhanded sarcasm though. When the two of them come together to ring in the rest of the group, they're terrifyingly efficient at it.

You and Ah-Duo, as mentioned, are Jinshi's parents. You was a former star who retired to take over his father's production agency. We do not speak of his father. He is the Johnny Kitagawa of this world (if you know, you know). That is why the company is called "Li Productions" and not "Ka Productions". No one wants to remember the name of the former CEO. Ah-Duo is currently still the most famous female solo artist. They hooked up when they were teens, Ah-Duo got knocked up, they decided to keep the baby, but neither of them really were mature enough or free enough to be proper parents so Jinshi kind of got shuttled between both their grandparents (Suiren and Anshi).

Jinshi has okay relationships with both of them. Ah-Duo actually shows up as one of the guest celebrity judges one of the weeks and that's how fans put two and two together that they're related because they look stupidly alike. Also because some BTS footage gets leaked that shows they're clearly familiar with each other and Ah-Duo calls him "Yue" and fans are like "??? WHOMST IS YUE???"

Fengxian and Lakan are married and Maomao's parents in this AU. Fengxian was also a former celebrity, but she retired after giving birth and took over running the Verdigris House from granny. The La Clan in general are just a rich family--they have a hand in a lot of business, but mainly agriculture and food exports. Lakan started investing a bit in the entertainment industry after meeting Fengxian.

Pairin, Joka and Meimei were all students at the Verdigris House. Pairin is now a model. Joka is an dance instructor and Fengxian is training her to take over the academy, and Meimei is a freelance back dancer.

JinMao-stuff

People immediately start shipping Jinshi and Maomao right from their first interaction. Of course, the Jinshi haters were immediately like "Ya'll are nuts, Maomao clearly doesn't like him, he sucks". The Jinshi fans actually really appreciated how Maomao seemed to take Jinshi seriously and is patient with helping him, even if her words are sharp. There are definitely the jealous fans as well, but they are able to keep to their own lane for the most part. Casual viewers love the banter between them.

As the competition continues there are definitely more and more moments where people witness Jinshi and Maomao actually just getting along. Fans are shocked when in the background they witness Jinshi saying something to Maomao that has her basically rolling on the floor laughing.

There are also cute moments like Jinshi pulling a muscle and Maomao immediately giving him a massage, or Jinshi always going out of his way to buy Maomao drinks or bring her snacks (although some viewers see this as bribery).

Maomao's first impression of Jinshi is... basically like the novel. She's kinda iffy about him, but eventually she is able to realize he's actually really serious about becoming a proper idol and he does have the skills to be a top star. Some astute shippers enjoy creating compilation clips of all the time Maomao inadvertently ends up blurting out how she finds Jinshi super attractive when that isn't even the topic at hand.

It'll be like "Yeah, the dance this time is quite tough, but many of the talents have worked really hard. Especially Jinshi. I mean, his face is already a 10, but I think his dancing is reaching that level too now, and I'm sure his efforts will pay off tomorrow".

Jinshi is 1000x worse. Anytime he does an interview it's basically "Maomao has helped me so much. She's so smart. The other day she taught me how ibuprofen and acetaminophen operate differently as painkillers... anyway, what was the question?" Like this guy is down bad and literally everyone can see it from 1000 miles away. Even his die hard fans can't deny he's absolutely smitten.

The relationship in this AU is just as much of a slowburn as it is in the novel. They do not get together during the competition, or even after Jinshi debuts. Maomao justifies it as she's too busy with her studies and Jinshi doesn't really push her on it.

The reason they stay in contact after the competition is mostly due to Jinshi's efforts, but despite how much Maomao insists she doesn't like him "that much", she never turns down an invitation from him to grab a meal or hang out, and oh yeah---she absolutely attends all his concerts (she justifies this by saying she's also supporting Lihaku, Rikuson and Basen. She ignores Lahan). She also happens to choreograph almost all of his solo performances, and when she's being extra generous, she'll choreograph a group performance too (and either stick Lahan in the back the whole time or force him to do something she knows will make him want to cry).

But she definitely doesn't like him.

Jinshi is willing to wait though, and he's busy enough with his debut and getting used to being a proper full-time idol. Spending time with Maomao is always a breath of fresh air to him regardless. Her opinion of him never changes even after everyone finds out he's basically popstar royalty, but she also doesn't immediately write him off as just a pretty face. She takes him seriously when he asks for help, and he knows that he can trust her comments are always true. Whether she's saying he did a bad job or an amazing one.

For Maomao, she respects Jinshi's work ethic and how grounded he actually is. He also actually remembers stuff about her studies even though it is not relevant to his life at all. He is also one of the few people in her life who encourages her to just do what she wants (the first person being Luomen). Jinshi is the one who actively plants the idea that maybe Maomao can do both pharmacy and maintain her work doing professional choreography work. Most people in her life have told her that eventually she will have to pick one and stick with it. Jinshi actively helps her to do both by insisting Maomao is the only person to choreograph his solo performances (the first time he asks for this after the F5 debut, she purposely waits until 3 days before the concert to give him anything to spite him - Jinshi pulls it off flawlessly. She expected this result - she wouldn't have done it if she didn't trust him, but she's still impressed nonetheless).

And that's all I have for now. Thank you for indulging in my brain worms.

[icedsodapop]

I'm not even a fan of Watcher (stop watching years ago) but the amount of outrage I've seen over their latest announcement is 🤡

I feel like the outrage is a direct result of fans lashing out when the web people they've put on pedestal are slightly less than perfect.

That and the outrage also feels partially fueled by bad faith becos the vitriol towards Ryan and Steven I've been seeing? Esp towards Steven?? Maybe you don't deserve entertainment.

[winns-stuff]

LO RANT:

Okay this is the anticipated rant you’ve all been waiting for cause I’m just over it really, yes I’d like to see how this shit ends but am I going to entertain it more? Yes and no. I’m sorry but my favorite characters (LO’s most wanted) are still in the comic and at this point I feel like they’re being held hostage and I want them freed immediately they don’t deserve to be locked up in this social experiment that is the relationship of Persephone and Hades.

The biggest hugest gripe I have with this whole thing is that.. I just don’t get the point of anything leading up to this. What was the point in the whole “Hwades!!! I want indepwendence, I want mwy own life and I want a nwormal relationship!!” speech that Persephone gave us after the Kronos battle? What was the point of after days of Persephone continually trying to remind Hades of her boundaries every single day while being constantly ignored and put on the back burner just so Hades can continue implanting all of his wishes and dreams onto her without even discussing any of it. There was no point in trying to develop that plot line if there wasn’t going to be a plot anyways, it was just incredibly annoying.

This just raises another thing I absolutely despise about their relationship, and I feel like I’m a broken record because I keep saying the same thing over and over again but their relationship is so incredibly stupid. Like I feel like Rachel is just adding “romantic” things in the comic while ignoring the actual context. Persephone has just been crowned Queen of the Underworld which should’ve been a much bigger deal to everyone involved because we don’t know if she’s capable and we don’t even know if she wanted to be queen. Before this she was just the goddess everyone knew and now she’s queen of a whole realm, she’s not a dumb village girl and she has the power to control things now. This should’ve been a much bigger point in the story, why even introduce the fact that she’s queen now when obviously it seems like she doesn’t even care about the title. Why is her first thought getting an apartment? Why is she more worried about shopping than her literal royal duty?? Why is she more concerned with sex rather than being the ruler of the Underworld? That’s like if you fought this intense battle and won just to be made president of the country all in one day, you’re going to feel some changes and there’s gonna be pressure but we don’t even get that from Persephone because she’s too worried about the little things with Hades that they’ve already been doing.

This brings me to my next point, the whole romance thing is so incredibly lackluster and underwhelming and you wanna know why? Because there’s absolutely zero stakes and tension between them. Oh wow, Hades and Persephone got engaged? That’s totally not surprising at all and I’m completely shocked. With the way they treat each other it feels like they were engaged since they’re first meeting. Ever since the start they were familiar with each other despite being total strangers and meeting under disturbing circumstances, they had obvious feelings for each other and displayed it for everyone to see with help from other characters moving them towards each other for that sole reason, when they became “friends” they were still very flirty and physical and having the comfortability that you would have with your partner of 8 years. You see what I’m getting at? In no point in time was there ever a question if their relationship was ever going to develop or become anything more than flirting and fluff and that’s just so incredibly boring to me. Especially with their dynamic, they both can do no wrong in each other’s eyes and they will continue to place the other on a pedestal. Their relationship is highly disturbing and I hate how it’s marked as healthy, just because you’ve never mistreated your partner physically doesn’t mean that your relationship is healthy. This is a prime example of unhealthy and obsessive relationships.

Another thing I absolutely hate about all of this is how absolutely fucking hypocritical all of this shit is especially with Hades being involved. That was the biggest mistake of the century, why the hell would Hades be defending Persephone from Demeter’s emotional abuse when he does the same exact shit? It’s fucking ridiculous. If this was realistic he’d most likely side with her mainly because he doesn’t see anything wrong about stuff like this cause he does it all the time. This is like an abusive parent trying to argue with another abusive parent about how abusing kids is wrong while continuing to be an abusive piece of shit, you see how the shit doesn’t work? I’d rather see Hestia or even Artemis defend Persephone since let’s be real this whole situation is essentially about them and their group so why would Hades even be there to begin with. The way that Demeter being emotionally abusive towards Persephone is disgusting and terrible (which is completely understandable) but all the times Hades personally humiliated and created such a hostile environment for Thanatos that he literally SHAKES and STUTTERS when he’s in the presence of Hades especially when he’s mad is excused is absolutely horrendous. Honestly with how out of the blue this whole thing is I feel like this is only the first instance of this stuff happening while with Thanatos we’re shown dozens on dozens of chapters where he gets severely mistreated emotionally by Hades and it’s basically a daily thing for him. You have no room to say Demeter is a terrible parent and not bring Hades down with her because there should be no excuse of why Thanatos is absolutely terrified of Hades and how Hades knowing this fact uses it to continuously intimidate and degrade him.

The double standards of this whole thing is incredibly telling as well. Hera literally pressured Persephone into having an extravagant coronation even when Persephone obviously wanted to have a small get together and yet she got pushed down and ignored by Hera and she acted like Persephone was being ridiculous because of her response. I don’t understand why everyone is okay with Hera putting Persephone’s ideas down and not actually respecting her voice or even her title as queen of the Underworld yet when Demeter does the same thing she’s in the wrong for it. I’m not understanding why we aren’t calling out Hera for it as well since they did the exact same thing just framed in different scenes. This is just more reason for me to believe that Rachel really just doesn’t like Demeter and that there’s no actual reason why Persephone and Demeter have a bad relationship because when it comes down to it no one treats her good at all not even Hades. Everyone is a manipulative parent to her and no one gives her the respect that she deserves yet the comic truly wants us to believe that everything is completely fine when the main cast mistreats her yet when it’s Demeter it’s a capital offense.

All I’m saying with this rant is I’m tired of people putting down Demeter for her actions towards Persephone yet instantaneously supporting similar actions made by other characters. It feels like it’s just Lore Olympus vs Demeter at this point because of how extremely immature and underwhelming this whole thing is. Everyone walks all over Persephone and they force her to do things she doesn’t want to, it’s a theme and common scene in this comic I’m tired of everyone acting like only Demeter has ever done it and if I’m being honest with you before this chapter came out Demeter really was the only person who treated Persephone like she was competent, she never babied her or made her feel less than and she valued her well being and happiness. Everyone in her “support” group including Hades denies her access to her full potential by doing and handling everything for her and they obviously don’t think she’s capable of pretty much anything, the way they treat her is really pathetic and it really makes it seem like Persephone has no dignity especially with her peers. Very hard to watch.

[canarydarity]

Sooooo, what's your super specific jimmy au based on a historical figure about? 👀

oh you mean the one I am desperately trying to get my brain not to think about because I already HAVE a super niche jimmy au based on a historical figure? I'm so glad you asked <3

Grace Darling was the 22 year old daughter of a lighthouse keeper on the Farne Islands in the UK.

Early in the morning on September 7th 1838, she saw what she believed to be a shipwreck snagged on the rocks of one of the nearby islands. She convinced her father—who thought the idea much too dangerous—to accompany her to the wreck where they managed to save the lives of nine people.

This kind of thing made her INSTANTLY FAMOUS. like she was renowned worldwide for her bravery and empathy for others and for having done this etc. Artists traveled from ALL over to be able to draw portraits of her (people would pay so much money to have one to stick in their wallet. she was THAT famous), she was CONSTANTLY being interviewed by news outlets, Queen Victoria sent her £50!! they wrote each other letters!!!! She received a medal etc.

but grace hated the attention, and she was always saying she'd only done what any person would've and that was all!! she did not deserve nor want a pedestal!!! she asked kindly for it to stop!!! and it :')) did not :')).......

she could not leave her house without being swarmed by people and she was constantly being made to sit for portraits or strangers would beg her for a lock of her hair and it was a LOT! but she felt OBLIGATED to entertain it because it was SUPPOSEDLY well-intentioned!!! she was pressured to go on a tour around the country to speak about that day and her experience and she was SO worn down by the years of attention at this point that on this tour she....contracted tuberculosis and....died. at 26. and this just of course. pushed her even further into the spotlight and now in her death she is this. martyr. further memorialized in the media against her wishes as this hero. and I just. am so so sad for her. and wish she got some peace. she saved the lives of 9 people and she was in a way harassed for it until she,,,,,,,,,,,,

AND I JUST THINK THAT I CAN CANARY CURSE THAT. IN A WAY. MAYBE. I DONT KNOWWW I DONT KNOW. I CAN JIMMY THIS..........

tell me that the idea of Jimmy as a victorian era lighthouse keeper doesnt fucking SLAP. LIKE, im already picturing his wardrobe. UGH! hes so tortured. to me.

its not really an au yet....but it...but my brain is....its trying to make it so....something where i can talk about grace darling and how horribly upset I am about the way she was treated while also fitting jimmy into a victorian lighthouse setting.........................

Dont ask why my first instinct whenever I become obsessed and empathize with a new niche historical figure is to go "can I jimmy them?"

also pay no attention to the way both niche historical figures Ive done this to's stories have revolved around being the center of media storms outside of their control.

if you couldn't tell working at a museum is bad. for me personally. /silly

[raw-law]

!!!!! I adore you two, really. I always love educating people and having discussions with them but I do not wish to come across as arrogant just because I'm so honest (which most people cannot deal with). Both of you really deserve every ounce of my appreciation, even if the subject may still be a bit more foreign to you Light. I do not view it as a flaw, the fact that you're willing to expand your horizon on this (and everything else, really) makes it very easy to talk to you and I really like how you express yourself even when there's something you don't particularly agree with, or relate to. Very delighted at how polite you are. I absolutely agree with you, our expectations and preferences towards romantic partners do mesh. Out of the romance oriented questions you replied to occasionally I could get behind your replies a lot, seeing as you hold a standard of non dependancy and realism. True respect is sacred to me, and I like how the more someone mentally challenges you, the more respect you open up with towards that person. Very relatable and I cherish the position I'm at in your eyes. Now, Ryuzaki on the other hand.. Let me tell you, people have called me stoic all my life, but this right here? You really managed to get a wholehearted laugh out of me. I do sincerely hope you managed to get some sleep, but I have to admit I am heavily entertained by your way of gaining knowledge. I, too, like to sacrifice my precious sleep for it hahaha. Though what a shame.. What a shame it is to hear a smart man like you degrade himself like that. I'm not liking that and I truly believe you should put yourself on this pedestal as well so let me mirror some of the praise I have been kindly receiving from you boys. You are not slow by all means, nor are you incoherent. I can follow perfectly fine, there is no bullshittery to put up with.. Your natural curiosity is nothing to be ashamed of, it should be admired. I'm certainly not suffering from your rambling, I was in fact looking forward to this reply and you surely did not disappoint. Trust me, it would be nothing but a pleasure to me to be bombarded by your questions even in the middle of the night haha. Sorry, now it's my turn to sound a bit shallow haha I'm just a bit flustered. Every time I press send I start doubting myself because I fear I might seem like a total weirdo and creep and every single time you welcome my words so greatly, both of you. It always hurt me when people painted you as some ugly rotting creature, Ryuzaki, because I am certainly not failing to notice how charming you are. Naturally, even, since you're not really trying at all. I understand how people are drawn in by Light's effortless elegance but I think you are bright too, Ryuzaki. Very much so actually. I greatly appreciate the warmth in the way you interact with me.

Anyway, sensual is the word I was looking for. In the past, my partners have always used that term when referring to me. I want to tell you two something a bit contradicting yet not short of amusing; I already had this opinion before this happened, but around.. Four or five years ago, I was in a relationship with someone who deeply fascinated me. A very busy person who majored in psychology along with a job in security and a large social media presence with a big audience on the side, quite a bit older than me as well. We got acquainted through our shared interests and while getting to know each other, they slowly but surely revealed their fragility to me. I was obviously more than honored, but back then I wasn't as confident as I am today and everything was a tad bit intimidating to me. My life was vastly different to theirs, so I wasn't sure about being able to take care of them but since they held such mental strength, I figured it would not be much of an issue. Until, one day, they told me something that was alien to me - they told me that they haven't shed a single tear in years. Through laughter. Casually, just like that. With their busy life and blows of fate, I kept on asking myself how that was possible and eventually realized it was repression that held their tears in. Something about that was so cruel to me that it made me instantly tell them "I want to change that." in a way that would be beneficial for them. Mind you, me personally I would break if I couldn't shed my precious tears. I like to cry and I like to cry often, I cry when I listen to sad music or when I watch sad movies. I cry out of anger, sadness, and joy. I would never be ashamed of that. I figured it must be torturous to not be able to, literally, let your emotions flow out of you like that, especially since crying releases well needed endorphins. I wasn't sure how to approach it because really, how do you say "hey, want me to make you cry?" without sounding like an asshole? It was almost comical, especially with me being younger. I didn't want them to shed tears of sadness, so this was when I tended to eroticism. After getting their consent, I began to strategically pinpoint their most harmless of weaknesses, expanding into those that rooted deeply. They were woven into knots and with them and me having a rather long distance between us, it usually ended up in me rambling on the phone, building up into something more erotic day by day. It goes without saying there was an insane amount of trust involved, someone recognizing your weaknesses like that can be insanely harmful and dangerous, I chose my every word carefully and yet if I made it sound too weak, I knew I couldn't reach anything. Sometimes, they were so relaxed that they just fell asleep. This was a huge compliment to me, proved their trust and just reassured me I was the only one who could do this for them. Not once did we have sex, believe me when I say I have never physically touched them and yet one day it happened, they cried and they cried hard. It was cathartic and sexually gratifying for the both of us. This was when I realized how erotically capable I am.

I apologize for the length of this ask, but I figured this story might be highly interesting to someone who's not well versed on this matter. And yes Light, whether you're a mass murderer or not is not to be questioned in the slightest. It's a fact, as Ryuzaki said. Not insulting you, the burden you carry must be heavy if that's the path you chose for yourself. I won't pick sides. I wish to remain neutral and realistic.

-🩶

L:

wow.. i'm honestly not sure if i can make a response that lives up to everything you've shared here. but.... shit. i'll try, hahah.

i'm glad you found my sleep deprived prattling amusing, though light definitely did make it more coherent than it originally was, so thank him for that part if anything, hah. your compliments are also highly flattering. i'm not.. really used to praise that's not in regards to my work..? so this is certainly new. i'm not sure what's the uh.. socially right way to accept such remarks? but i do highly appreciate them. it's just.. very new, hahah. and you say i have charm.

i'm also glad that you can feel comfortable asking and answering with what you please. i wouldn't want to foster an environment that makes you feel like a creep, or a weirdo.. or question what you're doing here (it may be a reference but it is true, i assure you). plus, i just like learning about people, so lengthy responses are always welcome. as much as i like taunting light with stupid questions, i very much enjoy discussions like this as well.

and the story... that's the main part that i'm not sure i can match up to.

it's beautiful. really. i'm not sure what else i can say. i honestly didn't think relationships like that could really.. exist..? but in the sense of that kind of deep emotional intimacy, especially in the form of erotica. or maybe it's just a subconscious mentality of not believing i could personally achieve that... i'm not sure. either way, it's an incredibly touching story. i doubt i'll forget it. thank you again for the response, even though i feel like "thank you" is too weak of a phrase to describe how much i like this story.

Light:

I'll...try my best to answer your ask, sorry for the long wait...I've just been thinking of a better way to answer you.

First of all, I'm glad that you're writing to ask. Don't worry about seeming like a 'creep' or a 'weirdo', we're always interested to learn more---especially when the subject is interesting, like in this case.

And....I must say this. Your story is beautiful. Honestly, that's why I've been waiting on this reply for so long---I'm not very sure how to adequately respond to what you've told to both of us. I guess I can say that, because of it, I understand now that eroticism can...make people feel emotions they haven't felt in months, years, possibly even decades. And, honestly, that's just so...amazing? If that's the right word, because words seem to be unfortunately failing me here. I suppose I'll just enjoy your story in silence. Just know that I deeply enjoyed it, and, well...I can say that you've helped my understanding of the subject come a long, long way since the start.

Thank you. And you're right: it is highly interesting. I'd absolutely love to hear more of this, though my response is heavily inadequate...

[spuffybot]

If you haven’t been following Scandoval (impressive honestly because it’s everywhere) the TLDR version of events is this: Ariana & Tom were together for 9 years. Raquel was Ariana’s close friend who we watched her support & protect time and time again. Raquel and Tom were hooking up behind Ariana’s back for 7 months and this all unfolded on TV.

When the news broke, the world rallied around Ariana to the point where it became a cultural phenomenon, breaking containment from the world of reality TV, and entering the zeitgeist with full force. This scandal has been covered by CNN, The View, and just about every major publication / podcast / tik tok you can think of. And while I have cheered Ariana on alongside the masses, I’ve felt a slow growing anxiety. We love to put women on pedestals and we love even more, to knock them down.

Long time viewers have rallied behind Ariana, buying merch en masse as companies and sponsors have kept her booked around the clock. To say this scandal has been profitable is an understatement: Ariana is experiencing a career high, even as her personal life turns to ash. This both excited, and worried me. I love to see a woman get hers, but it fueled the anxiety, which slowly turned to certainty, that public opinion would eventually shift.

Our society can’t stand to see a woman win for too long. As soon as we lift her up so high, we start to build barriers and expectations. She must be the perfect victim: graceful, above it all, constantly proving she didn’t deserve to be betrayed. She must be pure of heart (and body), and never stoop to “their level”. These impossible standards are a jenga tower waiting to topple. I feared that the same masses that rallied behind her would be waiting with baited breath for the tide to change, all too eager to accuse her of “going too far” or failing to live up to their expectations.

This past week, I finally saw my anxiety manifest. On Wednesday night the final reunion episode of Vanderpump Rules season 10 aired. This was the episode where we finally witnessed Ariana confront Raquel and Tom together. For the viewers, this debacle has been playing out for months as the show has aired. For Ariana, this reunion was taped shortly after she discovered the affair, and the emotions were understandably raw.

What I witnessed on Wednesday was a woman stepping fully into her anger and owning it. She held nothing back. Her pain, sorrow, and rage were on full display. This was not a woman thinking about the cameras, or her endorsement deals, or her popularity. This was a woman baring her soul and letting the hurt and vitriol flow. It was cathartic, it was brave, and it was utterly human. I felt myself in her anger, and I mourned all the times I bottled my own rage up and chose to be the “bigger person”.

Women (and even more so for women of color and queer women) are constantly navigating the minefield of having their anger policed. They must only be angry for the appropriate amount of time before they must forgive and move on. They can’t make a scene or allow their anger to inconvenience anyone. And they certainly can’t be angry in a way that is ugly, hurtful, or that makes people uncomfortable. Ariana rejected this at the reunion and embraced her rage. She did not censor herself or hold herself back. She made no apologies and gave no ground to Tom and Raquel.

It took little time for fans to shift from Ariana stans to accusing her of going too far and being a bully. Her anger wasn’t cute, restrained, or tailored for our entertainment and so our collective sympathy rapidly dissipated. Suddenly folks who were cheering when Ariana stonewalled Tom in the season finale were calling her out for being too mean at the reunion.

As I see the comments pouring in on social media I find myself disappointed and disheartened. I knew this was coming, that it was inevitable. Society has never been kind to a woman scorned, and Ariana’s time as media darling was always going to be a short lived tight rope dance. And yet, some small part of me hoped she would weather the storm. I hoped more people would see what I saw: a woman in pain who chose her truth over her appearance.

Ariana’s words may have cut, but actions have consequences. When you hurt someone that deeply, you should not also get to silence their rage. To the fans trying to silence Ariana’s rage now, I commend your empathy for Raquel, but I urge you to think about how entitled Ariana is to her feelings and to expressing them openly and honestly. Even when they are ugly. Even when they cut. Even when they make us uncomfortable.

[tutuandscoot]

i was thinking back to when they won the Olympics in 2010 in Vancouver…i still cant believe what they did and how they skated so beautifully ❤️

It gets even harder to believe when you think how much T was in pain and how much rehabilitation she was still doing every day for her legs… The thing that makes me extremely angry is that she has undergone the anti-doping procedure (which obviously turned out to be negative!!!!), while lately it seems that no one cared about this aspect even in situations where the athlete is not suffering the same excruciating pains she had, but taking drugs only to improve performance.

I believe that the fact that she has refused any drug that could even be minimally suspicious, the tenacity and trained conquest, the strength and constancy with which she has done all the rehabilitation and physiotherapy, are witnesses of what a terrific athlete she was and she will be in the following years!

THIS TAKE!

Yes!!!

They would’ve undergone several anti-doping tests in their careers and on no planet would they ever consider PEDs to get an advantage-let alone pain relief. They’ve always believed in clean sport and the ethics of fair play. When they were beat they acknowledged that they weren’t the best on that day and when they won it’s because they were the best and they worked harder than anyone for it. Even when there was obvious judging ‘incidents’ they decided not to focus on it and only focus on themselves. They could’ve fought for an investigation into the sochi saga (there was certainly grounds for it considering what came out later about the doping) but they didn’t. They came back to competition with a team behind them pushing them holistically and scientifically to be their best and they blew the competition out of the water even with two years off. The people they are, the values they hold true means they do not need to and would not ‘cheat’ to win. That should be the same for every athlete but as we all know it’s not. Whether it’s a personal decision to dope or forced by coaches or even a federation of a country.. this does not make for formidable, champion athletes in the way TS are through pure determination and togetherness.

Tessa Virtue deserves literally every wonderful thing that happens to her in this life. She has had one of the hardest journeys any athlete could have and through it ALL she smiled and entertained us and was the most caring and loving friend to her partner- lifting him up when he was struggling, skating and training through pain for the sake of not her own, but her partner’s career. He stuck by her side though all of it and every negative she or someone said or thought about her, he lifted her even higher up on a pedestal for her to shine brighter than the sun. The idea of her starving herself of pain relief so as not to inadvertently trigger an accidental positive test from a drug she thought was safe but wasn’t, surgeries that didn’t work, hours of physio.. all of that, anything just to get enough relief to get her through a day, a session, a gold medal- historic performance on the biggest stage in the world. Risking destroying not her own career, but Scott’s.. it’s something she couldn’t live with, depriving herself of potential, even brief relief at the risk of his career.. no effing way.

I can’t think of two people more inspirational in the simple fact of just being good, kind humans striving for a goal, no matter how personal or world-altering, maintaining their moral compass and being ambassadors for their country, who had nothing but love and admiration for eachother since the moment they first held hands.

[unfortunatelysadandbroken]

I really hate my friends abusive manipulative ex. She fucks with his feelings because she can.

Because she knows he cares about her and will come running when she calls despite betraying him and making him feel like shit. Despite hurting his feelings and acting like she doesn't give a shit about him. As soon as she fucks up and wants an ego boost she calls him and he answers.

It breaks my heart. If I wasn't already in love with someone I know I'd be attached to him so bad even with my insecurity issue and him being a flirty sexual guy. He really is such a sweet guy. He's funny and cute. He deserves so much better than to have his feelings fucked with. It's why I couldn't keep talking to him like we might date when I can't get over my baby who loves me back. I can't cut Q off for him so I couldn't entertain the idea of a relationship with P. I just wish P could move past her and see her actions for what they are. Emotional manipulation and abuse. He doesn't deserve that. I know first hand how much of a prick he can be when he gets defensive and scared. But they've been in a close relationship for years now and it's always been rocky. She kept dumping him then begging him to come back for little to no mf reason. She has a husband. She has other partners. He should have left her when she was using him to cheat on her hubby but instead he got her to come clean and saved their relationship. They were a bit of a thruple for a while but she was neglecting her husband and his needs and they almost got divorced. She can't handle multiple relationships but wants to say she's poly. She really isn't. She's just a selfish greedy cheat who wants her husband who financially supports her and her play pals on the side till she finds the right one then she'll probably ditch her husband.

It breaks my heart for her husband who was semi forced into a 'poly'/open relationship and my friend whose attachment and self esteem issues has him putting her on a pedestal and defending her every time she does him wrong. I'm so sick of it. She needs to leave him tf alone.

[remedyxtragedy]

i saw that you watch blair white, you should watch this video https://youtu.be/S4qvPouh1gE?si=OyHLCDVzj9ZIcSUC i think it might change your perspective on her if you do it with an open mind. i’m not trying to be rude but blair is an asshole and the people that commented on your post didnt explain why she is very well

Alright, I have to make something abundantly and profoundly clear for you people who are entertaining this image of anybody who demonstrates the slightest most minute iota of preference for Blair White and her beliefs. As problematic and notorious of a figure Blair may be and rightfully so depending on the context, one thing I will continue to reiterate for as long as I am obligated to, as someone who openly opposes the bullshit collectivist agenda people are trying to perpetuate nowadays that puts anyone from the LGBTQ+ community on a pedestal, is that while I will fully hold Blair accountable for the reprehensible pattern of errors and questionable behavior she's fallen into over the years, many of her opinions are still nonetheless ones I wholeheartedly agree with and that's coming from someone who's only ever watched her more recent videos. I never knew 2016 Blair until now, I was much younger then and have long since shaped my views about the trans community and what I personally accept based on my ideals, and perhaps if I did know about her and saw all of her lies, controversies, and diatribes unravel in real time it would've of course naturally left a much more sour taste in my mouth. Genuinely, I am thankful you've brought her past faults to my attention because mistakes and wrongs of this degree absolutely should not just remain something of the past and unlike the spineless bigoted zombies who treat and defend each other like they're a hive mind, I will not sit here and downplay anything she's done just because I feel inclined to do so.

However...all that to say, I really really do not give a shit. I seriously, genuinely, could not fucking care less. And You wanna know why? No it's not because I'm belligerent narrow-minded sycophant, no it's not because I think she deserves to be exonerated and absolved of all guilt for her wrongs, and no it's not because I hold any amount of vitriol towards any people part of the LGBTQ+ community and seek to use her as a puppet to push my own ideals. I am going to put it simply: I do not admire or revere Blaire as an individual whatsoever, never really did. Her tough and unwavering personality, did it appeal to me? Yes. Do a lot of her opinions really align with mine? Yes. Do I avidly support everything she says, think she's right in all regards, and deserves to be crowned as the spokesperson of all trans people? Absolutely fucking not. And that's because I'm not looking at Blair with any ounce of veneration, malicious intent, or any deeper ulterior motive beyond just resonating with her points. I like what she has to say and that's as deep as my liking towards her gets. Her errors are genuinely irrelevant to me, and I'm not saying that to undermine the gravity of what she's done because the things Dangelowallace described in that video are some really messy shit, but drill it into your skull and let it be known--I'm not drawn to Blaire as a person, I'm drawn to the points that she makes and ultimately if she really is this horrible of an individual, I can literally just find any other youtuber who shares my sentiments and watch them instead.

I strongly believe that your heart was in the right place, you were doing your due diligence as someone who is more knowledgeable in her past beyond 'Oh she's a pick me, she has internalized transphobia, she's a bigot', to inform and educate me as someone who for all you knew was heading down a rocky path. And that much I truly do deeply respect and thank you for. While I do continue to find it mildly insulting when people look at my post and automatically assume I'm bound to become as problematic of a person as she is just because I too personally find it endlessly outrageous when people try to identify as anything other than he, she, or they--I get where you're coming from and I respect you. Still, I must remind you and anyone reads this--I am my own individual with my own ideals, my own thoughts, my own perceptions of what should be considered socially acceptable, all things of which were formed by my own experiences and conclusions drawn from years of me studying my own beliefs. From here on out I don't want to see any more people trying to sway me on people identifying as fucking objects or animals or people using neopronouns. Too often do those dumbasses conflate not supporting those ideas with not respecting them on the most basic fundamental level; there is a difference, learn it. This is coming from someone who is Black, Christian, biromatic, and asexual. People are so pathetically obsessed with these ideas of being oppressed and restrained that they fail to realize that someone not agreeing with their decisions or way of living is not equivalent to them outright making efforts to hurt them or degrade their existence. It's always gotta be that you're homophobic or transphobic or bigoted when in reality most people literally just don't give a shit about you or what you do, and even if they do to a problematic extent it's simply futile to get so worked up over who does and who doesn't accept you, which is something that's nonetheless out of your control and therefore not worth fretting about. I'm not sayin you're exactly that kind of person, but I have noticed that many of Blaire's loudest critics are people part of that category and I'm not letting them encroach on my freedom to believe what I want because they can't handle the idea of not being universally accepted.

All in all, no disrespect to you, I'm glad you genuinely wanted to enlighten me and not just bombarde me with conjecture. Imma still believe what I believe but at the end of the day, I respect everybody as far as I am obligated to as a human being and therefore I will continue to tread carefully when it comes to watching Blair's videos. Final message though, if you're genuinely offended by someone not respecting your pronouns or sexuality or whatever--tough shit, life goes on.

[thegravityblog]

Honest Encounters

I'll be honest here completely. I can't take all this toxicity anymore. Some people are just bad for your mental health, they are energy drainers. Even looking at them, makes you feel uncomfortable. These people are like monsters, who have nothing positive going on in their life, hence they drain everyone around them. A year later, I wanted to reconcile with her, just to share a no-strings-attached relationship but there's something really off about this lady. She only wants you to stay hooked to her, but never provides you what you want. See, the toxic nature I'm talking about? Narcissists want you to stay hooked to them, for no apparent reason. They want you to put them on a pedestal and live with false hope. The fact is that she views people as objects, and she will only be with someone who can serve her at the moment. Don't question her and be dumb so she can take you for a toss. I wanted to fuck her. But in this quest, a strange toxicity has consumed me all over and I finally realized that this person is really a bad human being and really very bad for my mental health. Ironically, she's also a mental health professional, also a nurse (practicing) but has no regard for a human being or a soul. She will hate you for pointing her out, for calling her BS out. Idk why I wanted to screw her again, but she is a loser and always will be one. She surrounds herself with losers for a easy life so she can wander around by fooling everyone and taking favors from everyone. An absolute fucking grifter. I'm out. I'm good with my girl, and I have made my mind to just ignore her completely because this bitch literally fucks with my head and no person who is this negative and toxic, should be entertained at any cost directly or indirectly. This person is a grown up and is doing what she wants to do. My job is not to fix anyone's life. If she has chosen to become a prostitute, well its her choice. None of my business. I quit, and I promise myself I will never ever indulge into her again. She's a very bad human being, just using people and draining energy. I'm done. I can't fix this piece of shit, because she herself doesn't want to change or get fixed. From tonight onwards, there'll be no mention of her anywhere. Never ever. With all my heart, I am mourning and deciding that this person is dead for me. I never knew her and she is a no-one to me. I remembered what she did to me, and how much she respected me - Never. I give up on you! You're utterly toxic and I don't want to ever see you again. Don't fucking come in front of me. You're dead to me. I wish you never get peace in your life and always be miserable and die a miserable death. People like you deserve to be crushed beneath a truck like a dog on a highway. That's what I pray for you. I promise myself, and I never break my words, keeping my hand on my heart, I will never ever talk about you, think about you, or try to reconcile with you for any kind of relationship. You're bad for my health. I hope you die a painful death, you're dead for me tonight but when you die in reality, I wish it should be painful as hell. Now go sell your body, and never ever come in front of me.