#this will not be happening for at least several months! because i have school now
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doodle-zine ¡ 3 months ago
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So. The zine is finished! And while I initially only planned this as a one-time thing, it was really fun, and I’d like to leave the option open for future issues. So, let's do another version of that poll I posted back at the start of all of this.
For anyone who’s new here: Doodle Zine is a collaborative zine where anyone was invited to submit whatever kind of scribbles or shapes or little creatures they doodle in the margins of notebooks, because art doesn't have to be formal or polished to be worth celebrating. When organizing it I hoped to capture something as close as possible to the DIY photocopier-and-scissors vibe of traditional zines, to facilitate that same kind of creativity and connection through the internet. There’s no selection process--I included every submission I received. If you’d like to see how the submission process worked for issue one, that post is here, and the completed issue one can be found here (free to download and print for yourself!)
All that said:
(If the time of year affects your ability to participate, let me know in the notes what would be a good time! I'm working around a school schedule, so around the new year and next spring/summer are times I'm more likely to be able to organize another issue.)
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danielnelsen ¡ 8 months ago
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there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn
#at least i finally got my meds so hopefully i feel a little better soon#although i’m now on 20 pills per day which is Just Great#whenever i’m in remission it’s nice to just. forget sometimes that this can happen at any time#kinda wish i had the typical kinda chronic illness that people talk about with ‘flares’#or at least triggers that i can plan around#the other times have all had an easily identifiable stressor tho tbf. idk what caused this one#the first time was whooping cough and the next few were all very major life stressors like my cat dying right after i started uni#and i think also towards the end of my honours thesis?#but this…….there’s no major stress right now. nothing wildly beyond normal#i’m a little concerned about my joints tho. they’ve been so much worse than normal the last few months#so i’m kinda worried i’m developing rheumatoid arthritis (also an autoimmune disease and it runs in the family specifically)#so if that’s happening then it could set my thyroid off? probably should get to the doctor at some point#obv i’m seeing my endo for thyroid stuff. but i should see my gp and get her to run all the autoimmune blood tests again#i’ve done that before but it’s been a few years and my ankles and knees are so painful i can’t even walk properly a lot of the time#BUT I JUST WANNA DO THINGS I ENJOY AND I CANT AND I WILL CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT#‘oh you’re so lucky you don’t have as many obligations because you’re chronically ill’ ha ha ha please swap lives with me immediately#personal#but seriously. i wasn’t diagnosed until i was nearly 17 and we can trace it back to whooping cough when i was 12#so it was the last half of year 6 and then all of years 7-10 and the start of year 11 of just being. uh. ‘very lazy and complaining a lot’#and TEACHERS joking about me and my sister (who was dealing with an arguably more severe undiagnosed disease) missing so many classes#wow so funny pdhpe teacher who’s supposed to be teaching is about health#and the thing with being a mentally ill teenager is that hyperthyroidism can just look like a very severe anxiety disorder#so i didn’t go to the dr until i was too sick to go to school at all. and luckily had a good dr who did a blood test#i’m just rambling now because i can’t sleep and i don’t wanna lie here doing nothing#might go play pvz or something. that’s been keeping me entertained
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wren-kitchens ¡ 3 months ago
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more of a rant than a vent but could be venty anyway idk i’m being annoyed at stuff tonight GKFHD
#i’m just gonna be complaining a bit tbh#i’m fine btw like i’m not in danger or anything#in case anyone was worried GKDHS#anyway school is RUDE#I don’t really know?? how i’m meant to start school again??#cause I burned out Hard last year and I haven't really gotten any better at all#in fact I think I got worse KHFKD#so the fact that I now have Even More pressure seems. unhelpful to say the least#I genuinely don't believe i’m gonna do remotely well right now#cause I have learnt the hard way that I can’t just soldier through#cause I have tried that and I have Failed#I do have. what Might be help#in the vague future#because whilst the uk health system is free it is Severely underfunded and takes so long for anything to happen#and what does happen is enormously unhelpful most of the time#we have gone private but that's still taking weeks and weeks to even hear back#so I don’t actually know if i’m gonna get any outside support for like. months at best#honestly my least favourite part of this is all the uncertainty#because if anything is mildly uncertain I Will catastrophise#my dad does exactly the same thing GKFHS#I think I got Most of this from my dads side#cause both him and my nanan (his mum) are on antidepressants#and we're so sure he's the reason both me and my sibling have autism cause he has All the symptoms I do#anyway i’m Unsure about the future and that's like the most annoying thing i could be#but ig ill just see what happens??#hopefully it won't suck#wren wrambles#vent#rant#its probably more venty than ranty just based on the context
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idledreams4 ¡ 5 months ago
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At 10 I was exhausted and upset and hating myself (for no reason this time?)
And it's now almost 12, I stopped being tired like an hour and a half ago and feel fantastic, I also have a ton of energy. Except I should probably get some sleep sooner or later considering I have a con tomorrow :/
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demilypyro ¡ 5 months ago
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Been thinking about time.
Time passing too fast, passing too slowly. Not having enough time, things taking too much time, having too much time on your hands. Wanting it to be tomorrow and yesterday. Waiting for things to happen, dreading things that are coming. The fact we only ever move forward in time makes the past just as unreachable as the future. At least I can still change my actions to come. The past is lost, but the past is what creates you, even if it doesn't need to define you.
This day ten years ago, I would have been.... in high school. Graduating by the skin of my teeth. No real plans for the future. Thought I'd go into computers. I was decent with computers.
Then my mom was paralyzed. There she was, in a wheelchair. For several months, it was like time stood still. Nothing else existed. Nothing else mattered. Time... was precious, I realized. Anything could happen at any time. I had to make the most of the time I had.
I started going as hard as I could. At everything. Studying, working, dating, transitioning. It all had to happen at once, as fast as possible. There wasn't enough time. It was all taking too long. Every day was a blur, because I was just doing so many things every hour of every day.
Then suddenly the earth stood still. Time had stopped again. The pandemic.
Everything was closed. I couldn't work, I couldn't date, I couldn't study, and transitioning you could only rush so much... So I just... had to sit there. With all the time in the world. But time was precious. So I had to do something. Or create something to do. I was getting sick of computers anyway. I'd always wanted to try being a let's player.
One year later, I was a Twitch partner. Another year after that, I was registered self employed. Then the next year, I had to take several months off to recover from surgery... But now, four years after covid, four years into HRT, four years into streaming... I'm working out the contract for an apartment. To live on my own for the first time. Something I was starting to fear would never happen. It was just taking so much time.
Even if I could, I'm not sure I would change the past. I have regrets, everyone does, but those regrets made me who I am. And for all my regrets... I like who I've become. I've put a lot of time into it.
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mrsbarnesblog ¡ 1 year ago
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Do you want me to help you?
masterlist ko-fi ao3
Summary: As you and Bucky spend time at your place, things get hot pretty fast.
Word count: 2k
Warnings: +18❗️smut, subby Bucky, he's jetting his first blow job, come eating.
Author's note: enjoy<3
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It was another Friday night when you invited Bucky to your place so you could order some food, watch movies, and cuddle under the blankets.
You and Bucky met almost six months ago at the coffee shop. You were walking in when someone suddenly bumped into you, and you ended up lying on the ground with a large coffee stain on your pink blouse. The man who caused this mess ended up being an Avenger. Sergeant Barnes, a former Winter Soldier, was really cute when he got all nervous and couldn’t stop apologizing for the situation. He said that he really needed to be somewhere else, so he took your number with a promise to pay you for everything and ran away, leaving you with shock and excitement bubbling in your body.
You were too stunned to speak, because not only was it an Avenger, but it was Bucky fucking Barnes—the person whose whole biography you willingly studied in school. He was much taller than you imagined and definitely more attractive. His apologies seemed to be really sincere, so you were just stupidly nodding while he was speaking. Bucky asked for your phone so he could call himself and have your number until he would have time to properly make amends.
Then you didn’t know that you had just met your future boyfriend.
Soon he called you and asked you to meet him at the cafe, and you agreed without any hesitation. He was too sweet for his own good, and that minidate was one of the best experiences that you’ve ever had.
Now, you don’t know how you ended up in this situation, but you were sitting on Bucky’s lap on your couch while the two of you were too lost in the kiss.
Of course, you have already kissed, but most of the time it wasn’t too rough or desperate. You knew that Bucky had hard times trusting people, so you didn’t push him with anything. You were happy just to be with him, and if he needed time to start touching you or have sex, it was okay.
But right now, something has changed. His hands were gripping your thighs, pushing you harder on his erection in the jeans. Bucky kissed you like a starving man; his tongue was in your mouth, and he had already bit your lower lip several times. You were so lost in the pleasure that you didn’t even notice that you started moving your body against his.
At that moment, he came to his senses, stopped your hips with his hands, and pulled out of the kiss, breathing heavily.
"What happened?" You asked while trying to catch your breath. "Was it too much?"
"I don’t know." He looked you in the eyes, and you saw that his own were much darker than usual. "It was too long ago, and I'm not sure that I’m ready right now." He looked down as if he were ashamed to say this.
"That’s okay, baby, I promise. We can go at your own pace. I didn’t have sex for some time too, so that’s okay." You smiled at him while your hand found a place on his stubbled cheeks.
"It’s not just a few years." He mumbled. 
"What?" 
"I haven’t had sex since I went to war." Silence fell on you while you were trying to process his words.
"Wait… really?" He nodded. 
"You know, while I was with HYDRA, I was busy with different… things. And after that, I was just trying to get back to a normal life."
"I see, but I really thought that you at least were with someone in Bucharest or in Wakanda."
"No. In Bucharest, it was unsafe to even go out in the streets, and in Wakanda, every woman was for me like a sister, you know? You are the first one who I wanted to know as more than a fri-Oh, shit!" He suddenly gasped. You just wanted to move a little bit, but instead, you accidentally touched his erection.
"Oh my God, I’m sorry!"
"T-that’s okay, just don’t move, please. It will disappear." Bucky threw his head back on the couch and closed his eyes tightly.
"Do… do you want me to help you?" You asked almost innocently. "I mean, we don’t have to have sex, but I can do other things to help your problem."
There was another awkward silence when Bucky opened his eyes and looked at you with an unreadable expression on his face.
"You don’t have to do that. Really."
"What if I want to?" You moved closer to his face, almost touching his lips. "Would you let me take care of you?"
Bucky’s eyes were dark again, full of need and lust. Finally, he nodded slightly. You gave him another sweet kiss on the corner of his lips, and not wanting to waste any more time, you slipped from his lap onto the floor.
"Wait! You want to—you don’t have to—I mean– fuck." Bucky hid his face behind his hand from embarrassment. You act like a fucking child.
"Hey, baby. Talk to me. It’s okay." You put your hands on top of his, pulling them away. "What happened, James? You thought I meant to help you with my hands?"
"Mhm. I’ve never done this before." He mumbled something that you almost didn’t understand. Bucky's face was pink, so you put your hands on his burning cheeks to calm him down. "I’m sorry that I’m such a mess."
"You’re not a mess, Bucky. So you’ve never got a blowjob? Even before the war? I thought you were a ladies’ man." You asked gently.
"I was, but back in the day, it was hard to find a girl that would do it just because, you know? Sex was more available because blowjobs were more intimate, I guess. And I’ve never had real relationships, sooo." He just shrugged, feeling even more embarrassed.
"I understand. And that’s okay if you don't have experience in something. You don’t have to be ashamed, at least not with me. I still want to do this, if you don’t mind." Bucky nodded again before leaning closer to your face and kissing you with passion.
While you were kissing, your hands slipped from his face, running across his chest and abs, right to the bottom of his jeans. You pulled away from the kiss and pushed Bucky back onto the sofa. As soon as the pants were unbuttoned, he helped you pull his clothes lower, and you gasped.
His beautiful dick was standing right in front of your face. Hard, thick, with a vein from one side and pre-cum leacking from the tip. Honestly, you’ve never found them attractive, but it seemed like Bucky was perfect everywhere, so the sight before your eyes made your mouth water.
"Holy shit." You breathed out as your hand wrapped around him, and the fingers barely even touched each other. Your boyfriend’s body instantly tensed; he was not used to this kind of touch. You gave him a few strokes, seeing how his eyes rolled back in pleasure and a tiny moan escaped his mouth. "You know, that’s a shame that no one put this pretty cock in their mouth." You smiled as Bucky’s ears got pink from your praise. "Look at me."
As soon as he did as you told him, you looked directly into his eyes and licked him from the bottom to the top, swirling your tongue around the tip. The taste instantly filled you, and you slightly moaned, sending vibrations down Bucky’s body.
He tried to hold himself together. He really did. But the sight of you on your knees, looking him in the eyes with his cock in your mouth, He completely lost it and let out the loudest moan that he had ever made. Both metal and flesh gripped the sides of the couch, but the pleasure was too intense, and he was overwhelmed.
You started moving your head up and down, still looking Bucky in the eyes. The tip of his dick met your throat, but there were still a few inches left.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck! Y/N, holy shit!" He whined and threw his head back.
You let him slip out of your mouth with a loud ‘pop’ and started stroking him with a hand, using the mixture of your saliva and Bucky’s pre-cum to make it easier.
"Put your hand on my head, baby. Do whatever you want." Bucky hesitated for a few seconds, but then his right hand fell on top of your head and made a messy ponytail. You smiled and put your lips back on his dick, gently licking and sucking the tip. The hand on your head slightly pushed you down, and you allowed Bucky to control you.
He slipped back into your mouth until his head touched the back of your throat. You started moving on your own, but Bucky’s hand was still tightly holding your hair as he was showing you the pace that he liked. Your eyes were watering, and saliva was dripping down your chin, but you didn’t care about it when your boyfriend was such a mess.
Bucky’s eyes were partly closed as he was trying to look at the beautiful view before him. Your pretty lips were wrapped around his cock, and it was probably the hottest thing that he had ever seen. He couldn’t hold back the small moans escaping his mouth because it was too good—feeling your warm and wet mouth around him. He tried not to push you too hard, but from time to time his grip tightened and his hips moved by themselves, making you choke.
"Doll." Bucky moaned. "Please, baby, I’m so close, oh my– fuck." He instantly pushed you lower, but you didn’t seem to mind. Instead, you moaned around his cock, lifting your free hand on his torso under the shirt. You felt that his body was tense, and the muscles under your fingers were trembling. You knew that Bucky was close, so you ran your nails over the hot and soft skin. "Doll– doll, you should move. I’ll cum– fuck, please." Bucky whined and tried to take you off of him, but you didn’t let him and instead swirled your tongue around him.
You felt it before it happened: Bucky’s body tensed, his cock twitched, and a loud moan filled the room. In a second, your mouth was filled with a warm, a little bit salty, and a little bit sweet seed. You moaned at the taste, still sucking his dick until you knew that he had completely finished, and only then swallowed every single drop.
Bucky’s hand fell out of your hair on the sofa near him, and he was sitting there almost senseless with heavy breathing and closed eyes. You helped Bucky put himself back into pants and then sat on his lap again.
"James?" You gently put your hand on his face.
"Mm." Bucky finally opened his eyes, and you have never seen him in this condition: sleepy, relaxed, with a tiny, lazy smile on his face. "Can’t believe that you just did it, doll. It was better than any sex that I’ve had in my life." He leaned into your touch. Bucky grabbed your face and dragged you closer until you two connected in a kiss, and he could taste himself on your tongue.
"I’m glad you liked it."
"Liked? Doll, you almost sucked my soul out." He chuckled. "Now I have to pay back." Suddenly, one warm and one cold hand were under your pajama shorts.
"Not today, baby. You’re tired. Would you stay for a night?" You bumped your nose with his, leaving light and short kisses on his lips.
"Of course, doll."
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kwanisms ¡ 28 days ago
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Unbearable — s.changbin
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Âť stray kids menu | changbin menu | kinktober masterlist ÂŤ
➮ werebear!Changbin × f!Reader wc: 8.9k summary: Changbin is a very reserved person. He tries to live a solitary and quiet life but after moving into a small studio apartment in what he thought was a quiet block of the city, his neighbor soon puts him to the test when she is extremely welcoming and outgoing. genres/themes/au: angst (heavy on this), fluff (again u gotta squint), smut; supernatural and lycanthropic themes, s2l, n2l; non idol au, supernatural au, werebear au warnings: adult dialogue, female reader, alcohol consumption, thoughts of self doubt and self loathing, self isolation as a coping technique, mention of death, sexual content (18+ mdni), see smut warnings under the cut! taglist has been moved to reblogs join my taglist! kinktober 2024 taglist is CLOSED! Strikethrough means I cannot tag you. MINORS WILL BE BLACKLISTED & BLOCKED. AGELESS BLOGS WILL NOT BE ADDED TO THE TAGLIST.
a/n: i am so sorry this took so long to get done and posted! i just lost steam for writing a lot of longer oneshots but thankfully, i got that steam back and now Kinktober 2023 can finally come to a close! Thank you so much for those of you that have been patiently waiting for this and you will be getting a sequel to this part very very soon! Thank you so much for reading and as always, this is a work of fiction and all characters are not reflective of their respective irl counterparts. for entertainment purposes only.
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smut warnings: teratophilia (aka monsterfucking), protected sex (it’s rushed and spur of the moment but at least Changbin uses his goddamn brain lmao), oral (both receiving), fingering (f receiving), strength kink, choking, body worship, facesitting (m receiving), use of pet names (baby, bunny, etc), power bottom!Changbin, sub!Reader, Binnie is a strong boy and Y/N really appreciates it and they are both kind of drunk off each other's presences. If I missed anything let me know! dialogue prompt: ❛ Don’t cover your mouth, I want everyone to know how good I make you feel. ❜
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The thing Changbin hated the most about his… condition, was having to move whenever things got complicated. His intense dislike of moving started as a child, moving from place to place because of his father’s work. He was in his final year of high school on a camping trip with some friends when the unthinkable happened.
Changbin wanted to try something new. He’d been camping in almost all the parks in Korea and wanted to go somewhere different. They decided to try Jirisan National Park. Most campers avoided the area due to the black pear population but Changbin’s friends were confident in their preparations.
They agreed to spend a week in the park; fishing, camping, hiking, and seeing the sights.
Most of the wildlife they encountered were small critters like squirrels and chipmunks and the occasional deer. Until their last night in the park.
Changbin had gotten up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and while doing his business, was attacked by a bear. It bit him, teeth tearing into the flesh of his arm. His scream alerted his friends who came to his rescue, scaring the creature off with mace.
Changbin was in and out of it from the shock and loss of blood but his friends later relayed to him that they called the ranger station on their radio and a helicopter was sent to airlift him to the nearest hospital. He was rushed into surgery and thankfully his arm was salvageable.
Changbin was lucky to be alive and he knew it. 
It was a month later when he realized things had changed forever.
The bear that had attacked him was no ordinary bear but was a werebear and Changbin had been cursed. He had been living with that curse for the last several years.
For the most part, he was able to keep to himself and keep his condition under wraps but occasionally, he slipped up and had to move which was the case yet again. He’d changed in view of one of his neighbors and had to make plans upon learning his secret had been discovered.
He found a new place, a small studio apartment on the outskirts of the city. Changbin’s goal was to find a place in the country but land was expensive.
He’d moved into the apartment, keeping to himself as he moved his things in. The apartment had come empty so he had to buy furniture to fill it and had spent an entire day building his own furniture alone. It wasn’t much but it was his and he’d have to make it home.
He had hoped to get through his two year lease without incident and left alone but his hopes were dashed when he ran into his neighbor who lived across the hall, Y/N. You were the opposite of him. Where Changbin was quiet, shy, and reserved you were bubbly and outgoing.
You had come back from running errands when you ran into him at the mailbox and immediately introduced yourself. Changbin was sure he had come off as very rude in this interaction but you didn’t seem to take it to heart, greeting him each time you saw him with a big smile.
You had told him that if he needed anything to not hesitate to ask and that you were happy to help.
You often brought him food, making too much for one person to eat and often gave him some of your leftovers. Changbin felt rude if he didn’t accept it and he didn’t want to hurt your feelings. The food was good, he wasn’t going to lie and say it sucked. He just wanted to be left alone.
You were far too friendly and more generous than he was used to or felt he deserved.
He was working from home one afternoon, close to his heat, when he heard a knock on his door and got up from his desk to answer it. Peering through the peephole, he saw you standing on the other side of the door and sighed softly. He unlocked the door, removing the chain and pulled the door open just enough to peek out.
“Hey,” you said softly. Changbin could hear music coming from one of the apartments upstairs. “Hey,” he replied softly. In your hands, you held another tupperware container. “I made some stew,” you started, glancing down at the container. “And I made too much,” you continued. “Again.”
“I uh… I thought you might like some,” you said with an uncertain smile.
Changbin forced a smile and pulled the door open some more. “That’s very kind of you,” he said softly as you handed the container over. “I keep finding recipes for families,” you added. “Too many servings for one person.” Changbin nodded as you spoke.
“I’m sure you’re busy,” you noted and smiled at him. “I’ll leave you alone.” Changbin hesitated, wanting to say thank you but you turned and crossed the hall back to your door, entering your apartment and shutting the door.
He looked down at the stew and sighed again. 
The last time you had come over to bring him food, he’d just come out of a transformation and had snapped at you. He’d been irritable, unwell, and frustrated with his situation and when you offered him some of your extra chicken, he snapped at you, slamming the door in your face.
Despite that, you were still bringing him food and being nice to him. He felt awful as he closed his door. Even after being so rude and mean, going as far to slam the door in your face, you still thought of him and brought him extra food.
He set the container on his counter and stared at it for a few moments before sitting back down at his computer and opening a new tab on his browser. He’d decided to make it up to you. He typed away, looking up gifts to give neighbors.
He managed to find a few good articles before he got up, grabbing his apartment keys and pulling on his jacket. He headed over to the town center, finding a garden center. From the various interactions he’d had with you in the past, you always mentioned your love for plants.
Your apartment was apparently decorated with them.
Changbin didn’t know much about plants but nonetheless, he returned home with a small potted plant. A little light green succulent. He hoped you’d like it.
The next day, he had to go into work so he wasn’t able to give you your gift and by the time he arrived home and knocked on your door, either you were asleep or out as it was a Friday night.
That night, he heard you come home and upon peering out of the peephole saw that you weren’t alone. You had a friend with you and Changbin knew he couldn’t apologize just yet. Maybe in the morning but the next morning you didn’t answer your door.
For a whole week, you didn’t answer any of his knocks nor did he see you.
Finally, when he was getting his mail from the mailbox downstairs, you returned. Changbin felt relieved as you entered the building. He was starting to get worried. You didn’t greet him with a usual smile when you saw him. Instead you quietly got your mail, a week's worth of it, and headed up the stairs without even looking at him.
Changbin followed from a distance, glancing over as you unlocked your door and let yourself into your apartment, not even sparing him a first or second glance as the door shut softly. It made his heart ache that he’d clearly scared you off enough to limit your contact with him.
More determined than ever, Changbin returned to his apartment and grabbed the plant with the envelope that contained a handwritten apology addressed to you where he apologized profusely for the way he acted and that while it was no excuse, he’d just gotten over a bad bout of the flu and wasn’t feeling well when he snapped at you. It wasn’t as much as you deserved but Changbin had never been very good with confrontation.
He set the plant on your welcome mat with the envelope front and center with the word ‘sorry’ written across the front of it. He stood back up and knocked three times loudly before retreating to his apartment and shutting the door.
He peered through the peephole, hoping to see you appear. Luck was on his side as your door opened slowly, your head appearing and looking around before your head turned down, noticing the plant. You opened the door fully, leaning out to look down the hall. As you knelt down to look at the plant, Changbin watched as you lifted the letter and looked at it.
He saw your gaze briefly look up at his door and though he knew you couldn’t possibly see him watching you, it made him nervous anyway. He watched as you grabbed the potted plant and stood up straight, plant in one hand, his letter in the other. You retreated to your apartment, shutting the door and Changbin sighed a breath of relief.
He decided to go back to his work, hoping he might hear from you later.
Around dinner time, Changbin’s stomach growled and he got up from his desk, hanging his headphones around his neck as he walked down the hall from his studio to the kitchen to open the fridge. He cursed softly as he saw he didn’t really have much in the way of a meal in his fridge. Another forgotten grocery trip meant ramen again.
He shut the fridge and opened a cabinet, grabbing a pot to make his ramen in and as he moved to the sink to fill it with water, there were three loud knocks at his door. He dropped the pan in the sink with a metallic clang and hurried over to the door, hoping he might see your face when he looked through the peephole but he was met with an empty hallway.
His heart sank and he stepped back, unlocking the door and opening it slightly. His eyes immediately fell to a pot with a lid sitting on his mat with a small card. He opened the door and bent down to pick up the card to read it.
‘Apology accepted but only if you eat all of this! ~ Y/N’
He looked down at the pot and carefully picked it up by the handles. It was hot. He looked up at your door before retreating into his apartment, shutting the door with his foot. He carried the pot over to the kitchen island and set it down. He read the card once more, turning it over to find a small smiley face.
He smiled to himself, setting the card down and lifted the lid to find what he could only assume was budae jjigae. There were slices of spam, sausages cut into small pieces, ramen noodles, mushrooms, fish cake, and rice cake in a spicy broth topped with cheese and chopped green onions. It smelled amazing and Changbin couldn’t help but feel a small sense of guilt at how he’d previously treated you.
He glanced at the card once more before he moved to grab a pair of chopsticks and a spoon. You had offered to accept his apology but only if he ate everything and he wasn’t about to let this meal you’d made specifically for him go to waste.
A week had passed by and while Changbin hadn’t seen or spoken to you face to face, he could feel that whatever tension there was between you had dissipated. You had accepted his gift and he, yours. Things were almost back to normal.
His heat loomed a couple days away when he went to the gym to burn off some steam. It was never enough to fully satiate his needs but it was the best he could do since he wasn’t seeing anyone, nor was he about to go looking.
As he was working on his usual set, he heard the door open and a familiar scent hit his nose, making his heart rate increase more than the current workout. He turned his head and saw you walk over towards the elliptical. He turned his head back, internally panicking. He could tell by your scent that you were close to ovulating and it was sending him into overstimulation.
He didn’t want to end his workout early, but he knew if he kept going, he was going to do something he would regret and could possibly get him and you arrested. He finished his set quickly and got up, moving to grab the spray bottle and a few paper towels to wipe down the machine.
He returned the bottle to its stand, tossing the used paper towels away and grabbed his things, heading for the door. He glanced over at you which proved to be a terrible mistake. You were stretching before getting on the elliptical which was a good practice Changbin noted but you were bent over, ass on full display in your leggings. 
Changbin was no stranger to your figure. He was used to seeing you in dresses, skirts, or sometimes an oversize sweater and leggings but seeing you in form fitting athletic gear was something he was not used to. He wasn’t used to how it hugged your curves, outlining everything about your body he found insanely attractive.
He was so busy staring at your ass that he ran right into the trash bin beside the door with a loud bang that echoed in the otherwise small gym. You stood up and turned to look at him, an expression of confusion and concern on your face as he put the trash bin back, cheeks burning as he glanced back at you, giving you a nod before he quickly exited the gym, heading for the stairs.
He was glad there was no one else in the room and that no one had actually seen him run into the trash can. How embarrassing would that have been?
Changbin made it to his floor and entered his apartment. He showered and changed into clean clothes before heading to the kitchen. He’d actually gone grocery shopping this time and as he was browsing his fridge, he heard his phone ding from the kitchen island. Closing the fridge, he walked over to pick up the device, unlocking it and checking his messages.
It was a text from you and it sent his heart into a frenzy before remembering you had exchanged numbers shortly after he moved in because your packages kept getting delivered to his box instead of yours. It had been a while since then and your mail had gotten sorted out but he genuinely forgot he even had your number as he read the text.
Y/N Neighbor: hey, is everything alright? That sounded painful ):
Changbin grimaced. ‘Sounded?’ he wondered. ‘That means she didn’t see it. Good.’ He quickly typed a response.
Changbin: yeah! I wasn’t watching where I was going. Too busy looking at my phone 😅i’m ok tho 🙂
Your response was swift.
Y/N Neighbor: okay good. I was worried. Y/N Neighbor: hey, while I have your attention. Do you have plans for dinner?
Changbin chuckled, typing his response.
Changbin: why? you gonna leave another pot of stew on my door mat? Y/N Neighbor: no 😭i was actually wondering if you’d like to come over for dinner Y/N Neighbor: I got some really nice beef short ribs from the butcher and was planning to make some tteokgalbi. I found a recipe and wanted to give it a shot
A grin spread across Changbin’s face as he read your text.
Y/N Neighbor: and who better to ask than my only Korean neighbor? Y/N Neighbor: So how about it? Y/N Neighbor: Do you want to come over for dinner?
Changbin hesitated answering as he stared at his phone. On one hand, he would love nothing more than to come over and help teach you how to make one of his favorite dishes, eat together, and enjoy your company but on the other hand, he knew that he was tempting fate, being alone with you so close to his heat. He weighed the pros and cons but very quickly, his logic was beat out by the promise of beef short ribs.
Changbin: sure. I’d love to. What time?
He sent the message and waited for your response. It took a couple moments but he saw the read receipt appear and soon you were typing your response.
Y/N Neighbor: I’m almost finished in the gym and I’ll have to shower. So let’s say… 7PM?
He smiled before typing back, thumbs tapping against the screen of his phone.
Changbin: perfect. See you at 7 (:
Changbin stressed over what to wear as this wasn’t exactly a formal setting like a date but you had still invited him to dinner at your place and you were going to be making food but he would be helping so he opted for something comfortable. Black pants, a white tee, and a gray sweatshirt. He scoured his fridge and pantry for something to bring with and settled on an unopened bottle of wine in his fridge that he received as a parting gift when he left Korea.
With the bottle of wine in hand, he headed across the hall. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door, resisting the urge to run and hide. He heard footsteps approach the door and after unlocking, the door opened to reveal your smile. “Hi,” you said breathlessly. Changbin returned the greeting and you opened the door wider to let him in.
He stepped over the threshold awkwardly, holding the bottle of wine tightly as he entered your apartment. It was smaller than his but you had a studio while he had a two bedroom. In the entryway you had tile flooring much like his and a shoe rack stood against the wall with various pairs of shoes from running shoes to much dressier shoes like pumps. There were even a couple pairs of boots.
Hanging over the shoe rack was a shelf that went from one wall to the other in the small entryway. On top of the shelf were various storage items inside pleasant looking boxes with drawers and small printed labels on the front detailing what was inside. On the underside of the shelf was a bar where you jackets hung including one heavy winter coat and various scarves for different temperatures.
Beside the shoe rack was a small bench with a cream and brown striped cushion where you no doubt sat and put on your shoes before leaving the apartment. You had already put on a pair of house slippers and to his surprise, a new pair of house slippers were sitting on standby for him. He quickly removed his shoes, a pair of crocs, and slid on the slippers as he followed you from the entry.
The rest of your apartment was just as small. There was a large flatscreen on the wall that separated the living area from the entryway. Under it stood a brown media center with a gaming console and inside the glass doors was a wide array of video games and DVDs. 
Your couch, a sectional, took up the back wall, squeezing into the corner and ending before the door to your balcony and was littered with pillows with a plush cream colored blanket, folded in half and draped over the arm. 
In front of the couch between it and the media console, was a coffee table with a few plants. Behind the couch was a window with a wide window sill which was full of potted house plants of different varieties and colors. The more he looked around, the more plants he saw. He was glad he had gotten it right and gifted you a plant.
Next to the living area was a small dining area with a four person bistro table pushed against the wall on the opposite side of the door to the balcony. Three of the four chairs were placed around the table and on top was a vase with a few flowers in it. Behind the table, another window with deep set sills littered with more plants. Next to the dining area was your bedroom area. It was separated by a curtain, hung from a track on the ceiling. The curtain was a sheer white one, allowing Changbin a glimpse past it to your bed. It was a queen size with a black fluffy comforter and matching black decorative pillows. The sheets were hidden but the pillows behind the throw ones were a cream color with a light floral pattern.
On one side of your bed was a nightstand with a lamp and alarm clock while on the opposite side was a tall chest of drawers, atop where a few makeup items and perfume bottles stood. He turned away before he could get a good look at it all and faced you. “Oh, is that for tonight?” you asked, nodding towards the bottle in his hands. He nodded, crossing the short distance.
“Yeah, I uh… wasn’t sure what to bring,” he admitted, holding the bottle out for you to take. You smiled, taking the bottle and moved behind the kitchen island, opening the fridge and setting the bottle inside on the door. Changbin looked around once more as you shut the fridge and turned to face him.
“So, shall we get started?” you asked. Changbin walked over to the island, looking at the items on the counter. You had the beef ribs sitting on a plate. Everything else had been measured out and was ready to go. He could see you also had soybean sprouts, spinach, zucchini, daikon, and tofu. “What is all of this for?” he asked, nodding at the other items.
“I thought we could also make some of the side dishes?” you asked, looking up at him. Changbin smiled, pushing the cuffs of his sleeves up as he moved around to join you at the sink and wash his hands. “So I’m guessing you have the stuff for seasoned soybeans, seasoned spinach, hobak bokkeum, daikon radish salad, and pan fried tofu?” he asked as you dried your hands.
You nodded before handing him the towel. “I’ve made them before, so I could prepare those while you prepare the ribs?” you offered. Changbin smiled, shaking his head. “We can make them together while the meat cooks,” he explained. “How about you cut the garlic and onions and make the marinade?” he asked. “That way you can watch how to prepare the meat.” You nodded with a smile. 
“Sounds good to me.”
You quickly cut the garlic and onions, adding them to a bowl while Changbin prepared the ribs. You continued making the sauce while he explained how to mince the meat and showed you. “And you leave it on the bone?” you asked. He nodded as he set one rib aside and worked on another one. You added the rest of the ingredients to the bowl and stirred it, mixing it well.
“How’s this?” you asked, showing Changbin the sauce. He peered into the bowl. “How does it taste?” he asked. You looked up at him and back down. “You can dip your finger in here,” he said with a chuckle. You did as he said and tasted the sauce. “It’s really good,” you answered, moving to rinse your hand again. Changbin finished the second rib and moved onto the last one, slicing the meat down to the bone. “If you want to start putting the sauce on the ribs,” he said as he continued cutting.
“Make sure to get it down into the meat,” he added as you moved to his other side and started scooping out the marinade, placing generous amounts onto the ribs while he finished cutting the last one. He rinsed the knife and your cutting board before washing his hands and drying them.
He leaned over, inspecting your work. “Don’t use all of it,” he said as you focused on the last one. You looked up at him inquisitively as he took the bowl from you with a laugh. “You have to save some for later.” You nodded and moved to wash your hands while he set the remainder of the sauce aside. “Is the oven preheated?” he asked.
You glanced behind you and noticed the little light, communicating this to him. “Perfect,” he said, picking up the cast iron pan. You hurried to open the oven for him and he set the pan in the middle of the rack and stood up, shutting the door and turning to you. “Now we can work on those side dishes,” he said with a smile.
You focused on the cooking while Changbin did all the cutting and seasoning. Your rice cooker had finished when you plated the pan fried tofu. “Do you want something to drink?” you asked Changbin. He looked up from the spinach dish. “Uh, sure,” he said as he mixed the spinach with sesame oil and garlic. 
You turned to open the fridge, eyes falling on the bottle of wine. “Want to open this wine?” you asked, turning back to look at him. He looked up from the dish, eyes wide. “Oh, yeah, sure,” he answered, returning his focus to the spinach.
He felt his heart rate speed up. He was already tempting fate by being alone with you like this but adding alcohol to the mix? That could only end in disaster. He knew from experience that mixing alcohol with his heat and someone as pretty as you were? It was surely to end only one way but he was determined to not let it go that way.
You opened the bottle of wine and poured two glasses, putting the bottle back and gently pushing one of the glasses towards Changbin who thanked you and lifted the glass to his face, sniffing the liquid as you took a sip. Changbin followed, taking a sip before he immediately spit it back into the glass, as did you, exclaiming with disgust. You met his gaze and the two of you burst into laughter.
You retrieved the bottle from the fridge to inspect it while Changbin walked over to grab your glass, dumping both into the sink. “God, that’s awful,” you gagged. Changbin rinsed out the wine glasses, setting them aside. “Do you have anything else?” he asked.
You looked up from the bottle, setting it aside. “I might have some soju,” you said softly, turning to the fridge and opening it while Changbin watched, eyes roaming over your body and taking in your outfit. It was a simple cream dress with a pleated skirt that fell to the middle of your thighs. Over it, you wore an off the shoulder light pink sweater, showing the thick straps of the dress. He saw the white thigh high stockings you work and it took everything in him to not jump you right there.
“I do have soju,” you announced. “Soju sounds nice,” Changbin answered, drawing his eyes away from your backside. “Could you grab a couple shot glasses from the cabinet?” you asked, gesturing to the correct door as you grabbed an unopened bottle of Soju from the fridge. Changbin set the glasses down and grabbed the bottle from you.
“Want to see a neat trick?” he asked. You nodded, leaning against the counter and watching him attentively as he grasped the bottle firmly. “This is just something we do in Korea,” he said. “It doesn’t really serve a purpose other than to look cool.” You nodded and watched as he quickly turned the bottle so the cap was pointed to the 4 o’clock position before flicking it back upright quickly.
Inside the bottle, the liquid swirled around, creating a small cyclone. Your smile widened and you shifted on your toes. “Can I try?” you asked excitedly. Changbin handed the bottle over, showing you how to hold it before letting you attempt. The first try did nothing except make some bubbles.
“Here,” he said, moving to stand behind you, reaching around to place his hand over yours. “Like this,” he said softly, guiding your hand to the correct positions slowly. “Just like that, only faster. Try it.” You followed his instructions and managed to make a weak tornado appear in the bottle.
“I did it!” you said excitedly as he chuckled, taking the bottle from you. He twisted the cap off, leaving the small strip of metal attached. He poured your shot first before pouring one for himself. “The first one, we always cheer,” he explained as you both picked up your glasses. “How do you say cheers in Korean?” you asked. “Gonbae,” he replied, holding his shot glass up slightly.
You raised yours to meet his, giving it a small tap, the clinking of glass soft. “Gonbae,” you repeated before raising the liquor to your lips and tipping your head back, pouring the entire shot into your mouth and swallowing as Changbin mirrored your movements.
It was slightly sweet, very crisp, and clean as it went down smoothly. You set the shot glass down as Changbin finished his shot a step behind you, setting his glass down as well. You looked up to meet his gaze but before you could say anything, a timer went off, pulling you out of your thoughts.
“The short ribs!” you exclaimed, grabbing a pair of potholders while Changbin moved to take over the frying of the zucchini. You pulled the pan out and set it down. “Let’s transfer them over to this,” Changbin said, grabbing the cast iron sizzler pan, turning on the burner next to the other skillet. It heated up quickly and you helped Changbin move the ribs over to the sizzling pan, placing them face down on the iron and spooning the rest of the sauce over them.
“We’ll let those cook for a bit and then turn them over and let them finish cooking,” he said as he set the spoon aside. “This is done, by the way,” he said, moving the zucchini off the burner and turning it off. “Now, we just wait on the galbi,” he added.
You poured another shot for him before pouring one for yourself and quickly downed it. His close proximity earlier had made goosebumps rise on your arms and thighs and there was now a burning ache in your skin where he’d touched you as we all other places he had not touched.
The meat was done after a few more minutes and Changbin insisted you set the coffee table, opting to eat in the living room instead of the dining table as it was a much less formal setting. You moved the side dishes and bottle of soju over to the coffee table, also getting two bottles of water from the fridge as Changbin placed the sizzler pan on the wooden block that came with it.
Once you’d set the table, he walked over, setting the galbi in the middle while you moved a cushion to the floor for him to sit on. You admired your handiwork, looking at all the side dishes and the main dish. You had scooped two bowls of rice from your rice cooker and also heated up some leftover beef broth  and added green onions for garnish.
You sat down, Changbin across from you. “We make a pretty good team, don’t we?” you asked, looking up to meet his gaze. “Yeah,” he said with a smile. “We really do.”
You made space for Changbin to sit next to you, opting to put on a movie while you ate, drank, and chatted. He showed you how to make ssambap, adding the meat, rice, and sauce to a lettuce leaf and eating the entire thing. It was all so delicious and you mentioned in passing that you should have him over more.
One bottle of soju dwindled and you grabbed a second which also slowly emptied as you ate your fill of the food. Most of the plates were empty when you poured another shot for Changbin before pouring one for yourself. You raised your glasses and downed the shots quickly.
“So,” you said as you set your glass down and looked up at Changbin. “Can I ask you something?” you asked, scooting a little closer to him, enjoying the warmth that radiated from his body. He nodded, resting his elbow on the table and resting his chin in his palm as he looked at you with sparkling eyes.
“Why are you single?”
The question took him by surprise. He hadn’t expected you to ask that, let alone ask it so boldly. You had an innocent look on your face as you looked at him, expecting an answer. He mulled over his thoughts before choosing his words, carefully.
“I have a… complicated life,” he started. “There are things I have to… hide from people. Not because I’m afraid of how they’ll see me but because I’m afraid of scaring them off.” Your smile fell and you leaned closer, placing a hand on his forearm. “You’re a good person, Changbin,” you said softly in a reassuring tone. “There’s someone out there for you.”
He smiled at you, a small but genuine smile. “What about you?” he asked softly, looking at your hand on his arm, his heart rate speeding up as he looked up, meeting your gaze. “Me?” you asked. “I guess I haven’t found the right person. I’ve been burned too many times.”
Changbin felt his heart sink. The thought of you getting your heart broken made him both sad and angry. 
He didn’t know you that well but from what he’d experienced since moving in, he couldn’t imagine anyone purposely hurting you.
Changbin scooted closer, placing a hand over yours. The moment his skin touched yours it was like you’d been hit with an electric shock. You looked up to meet his eyes. There was a moment of unspoken tension between you as you stared at one another before something happened.
You weren’t sure who moved first but all you knew was that one minute you were sitting on the floor, using your coffee table as a table to eat at, the next you were straddling him, your lips on his and hands tangled in his hair as his hands slid up your back.
You moaned into his mouth, hands tugging at his hair as he grabbed your waist. “Wait,” he said breathlessly, pulling away to look up at you, his lips shining with your spit. “Maybe we shouldn’t. We’ve both been drinking. Maybe we should — mmpf!” 
You cut him off, taking his lips in another searing kiss, your lips parting his and your tongue sliding against his. His fingers dug into your hips, squeezing the plush flesh there as your lips started to plant wet kisses down the side of his neck over his pulse point. He let out a soft groan, letting his head fall back against the couch cushions as you kissed down to the junction where his neck and shoulder met.
You pulled the fabric aside, nipping and sucking on the skin as his hands guided your hips over his growing erection. “Fuck,” he gasped as you grinded against him. “Keep doing that, baby.” Your fingers inched up the back of his neck, curling into his hair before tugging his head to the side, trailing kisses and your tongue up the side of his neck.
“Is it bad that I kinda wanna sit on your face?” you whispered in his ear, making him groan. “God, please,” he groaned. “I’ll lay down right here if you’ll sit on my face,” he promised. You giggled as he pulled you in for a sloppy kiss. You pulled back, gently wiping his bottom lip with your thumb. “I’m serious,” he murmured against your skin.
“Take your panties off and sit on my face.”
You shook your head. “You take my panties off and then I’ll think about sitting on your face.”
Changbin growled, pushing your coffee table back with his foot, wrapping his arms around your body as he got to his feet in an impressive display of strength, before carrying you over to the bed and dumping you unceremoniously on the bed. He climbed on after you, crawling over you.
“Before we go any further,” he said softly. “Are you sure about this?” You nodded quickly. “Yes,” you said, grabbing one of his hands and guiding it under your skirt to press his fingers against your soaked panties. “I want this, Changbin. I want you.”
He groaned, pressing his fingers harder against you as he captured your lips in another heated kiss, tongue hastily entering your mouth as his hand slipped under your panties, finding your soaked center quickly and dragging his finger against your clit. “Ch-Changbin!” you gasped against his lips as his fingers sank into your heat, groaning as he started to move, curling and pumping in and out of your cunt.
“Fuck, you’re gonna be so tight around me,” he growled. Your thighs spread on instinct as he fucked your hole with his fingers quickly, attempting to coax an orgasm out of you. “B-Bin,” you whimpered, grabbing his wrist as he moved faster. Your hands trembled as you held onto him, eyes dipping down to watch as his forearm flexed.
Seeing his muscles flex with the simplest of motions made a fresh wave of arousal course through you, your walls clenching around his fingers. Changbin could tell you were close but he really wanted to take up your offer to sit on his face. Reluctantly, he pulled his fingers from your pussy, ignoring the whine of protests as he kissed the pout off your face.
“I told you I was serious,” he said as he grabbed your panties, pulling them off and discarding them.
“I want you to sit on my face,” he added as he laid back on the bed, taking your hands and guided you over him. “Bend over slightly,” he said, pushing to over as he guided your hips into place over his mouth. “You don’t have to do anything,” he added as he licked his lips.
“Just let me have a taste.
You were about to speak but your words were cut short by the gasp that ripped from your throat as his tongue made contact with your clit. Your hands landed on his stomach to steady yourself as he licked slowly and deliberately, flattening his tongue against your clit.
“Oh god,” you groaned, fingers grabbing the material of his sweater. Your eyes fluttered open as you glanced down at his crotch, noticing the outline of his hard cock. You got an idea as he continued to makeout with your pussy. You moved your hand down, sliding it over his cock, making him groan against you. His arms flexed against your thighs as he wrapped them tighter around, hands spreading your folds as he renewed his attention on your entrance, tongue swirling around it before dipping in.
You started to palm him through his pants, pressing your hand flat against him and massaging slowly. He was only semi-hard and as you continued to massage and stroke him over the material of his pants, he started to grow harder and harder under your touch.
You moaned as he latched onto your clit and sucked, making lewd wet slurping noises as he hungrily ate you out. It didn’t deter you from your goal as your fingers worked to undo the ties of his sweatpants. Once you’d gotten them loose, you slid your hand under the waistband, slipping your hand into his boxers and grabbing his hard cock.
He let out a strained noise, moaning against your cunt as your hand started to work his cock inside his pants. His one movement started to move faster as you stroked him, as if to match your movements. “Oh shit,” you gasped as he gently nipped at your clit, the graze of his teeth making your hips buck against his face. You needed to get him to the edge before you came.
You pushed his pants and underwear down, freeing his cock as he latched onto your clit again. His cock was thick, veins running up and down the shaft. The head was dark, a bead of precum already leaking from the slit at the top. 
You wrapped your fingers around the base, ignoring the hiss and hot breath against your pussy as you started to slide your hand up and down, using your palm to spread some of the precum. It wasn’t enough and so you pulled back, spitting into your hand before resuming, your saliva creating a lubricant to move faster and faster.
Changbin let out another strained groan, head falling back against the bed as your hand continued to jerk his cock. Just as you thought you were gaining the upper hand, Changbin snapped out of it, pulling your pussy down onto his waiting mouth, tongue sliding over your clit, flicking it with the tip of his tongue. His focus made yours waver as your hand faltered, sliding to the base of his cock.
“O-oh, god,” you moaned, head falling onto his stomach as he continued to lick, suck, and nip at your clit. Your hips started to move of their own accord, grinding against him as you tried to resume stroking his cock. Lifting your head, you did the only thing you could think of and gave the tip of his cock, particularly the slit, a lick before taking the head into your mouth.
Changbin groaned against you, giving your hip a sharp smack and you cried out, his cock falling from your mouth. Your lapse allowed him to regain control, tonguing your hole until he gave one final suck on your clit and you finally came with a moan of his name.
As your thighs shook from the aftermath of your orgasm, he lapped at your pussy, drinking up every bit of your release before you started to shy away from the contact. He helped you off him, chuckling as you rolled onto your back. Changbin grabbed his pants and underwear, pulling them up as he wiped his face with his shirt.
“I should have made you face the other way,” he said as he helped you out of your top, tossing it aside and pressing a kiss to your collar. His lips trailed down to your breast, running his tongue over your nipple and gently blowing on the wet skin as he kneaded your other breast with his hand.
He sat up, moving to kneel between your thighs, his hands moving up your thighs to your waist, eyeing your wet pussy. “Now that I’ve had a taste,” he said softly. “I want more.” You giggled as he leaned in, pressing his lips to yours in short, quick kisses. “C’mere,” he murmured, cupping the back of your head as he parted your lips with his, allowing his tongue to slide into your mouth, the taste of your cum on his tongue.
“Changbin,” you sighed, head falling back against the pillows as he kissed down your exposed chest, stopping to tease your nipples with his tongue once more before he sat up, gaze meeting yours, a lazy smirk on his face as he took in your disheveled appearance. A surge of pride swelled in his chest at the sight of you, knowing he was the one responsible.
“Binnie,” you cooed, reaching out for him. He took your hand, bringing your palm to his face and kissing it. “What is it, bunny?” he asked softly, lacing his fingers with yours. Your heart skipped a beat at the intimate gesture, wondering if this meant more to him than you initially thought.
“Are you sure about this?” you asked as he pulled your skirt down past your knees, tossing it aside before pulling his sweatshirt over his head. “Yes,” he answered, discarding the top on the floor with the rest of your clothes. He leaned over pressing light kisses up your body, ghosting over your chest briefly before he met your lips. You giggled as his hands slid up your sides, tickling you.
“I’ve never been more sure than I am now,” he added, mumbling against your lips. “I’ve wanted you for longer than I’d like to admit,” he continued, hands pushing his waistband down with one hand. “Where did you say you keep the condoms?” he asked, pulling back to meet your gaze.
“Back of the top drawer,” you said, pointing at your bedside table. Changbin scrambled over to the side of the bed, pulling open the drawer and finding the box. He grabbed one, putting the corner of the packet between his teeth as he quickly stripped himself of his pants and underwear before joining you on the bed once more. He tore open the foil packet with his teeth, removed the condom, and rolled it down his length slowly, avoiding your gaze.
Finally he tossed the remnants of the condom wrapper aside, promising he would clean them up later as he shifted into place, grabbing you by the thighs and tugging you closer in one motion, demonstrating his strength. “I promised I’ll be gentle,” he said softly. “But if I start to get out of control, just tell me, alright?” he asked softly, stroking the skin of your thighs. You nodded, licking your lips.
“I will,” you said softly. “But I should tell you something,” you added, watching as he tilted his head curiously. “What’s that?” he asked. “I like it a little rough.” Changbin let out a groan, fingers digging into your thighs. “You shouldn’t say things like that,” he said, taking his cock in one hand, guiding the head to your slit. “Makes me want to ruin you.”
You let out a moan as you felt the head of his cock push into you, thighs instinctively squeezing his hips. “You’re tense,” he noted as he felt your walls grip him tightly. “Relax for me,” he added in a soothing tone. “I don’t wanna hurt you.” You took a couple deep breaths, forcing your body to relax, your grip on his cock lessening. “That’s it,” Changbin whispered. “Good girl.”
He pushed in further and it took all of your concentration to relax and not start tensing up again. “Fuck,” he groaned as he slid in without resistance. “Such a good little bunny,” he murmured. The pet name made you moan, clenching around him involuntarily. “Don’t do that,” he grunted, hips meeting the back of your thighs as he bottomed out. “I’m trying not to cum and if you keep doing that,” he said as your walls tightened around him again. “I won’t last.”
“S-sorry,” you stammered, waiting for your bodies to adjust to one another. Changbin let go of your thighs, instead, his hands moving to your hips. “God, you’re so beautiful,” he said softly, admiring every inch of skin he could touch. “I could stay like this forever,” he added. “Spend all night fucking you.”
“You’re so fucking beautiful. All your curves, all of this,” he said, running his hands up to your chest, giving you a soft squeeze before moving back down to your hips. “I love every single bit of it.” Your cheeks burned. “Even if I’m not the —” his hand moved to your face, pressing a finger against your lips. “I don’t want to hear it,” he said. “Your body is beautiful. All of it. You are beautiful.”
You nodded, letting his words sink in.
He gave you a thrust, testing the waters and when you moaned instead of wincing, he set a steady pace, hands moving up to your waist as your own hands gripped the sheets. “Oh s-shit,” you gasped, pleasure building in the pit of your stomach, a heat settling in your belly as the pace slowly increased. Changbin slowed down, letting out a chuckle when you pouted.
“I told you,” he said softly. “I’m not trying to cum immediately.”
His pace continued at a slow pace but each thrust was hard and powerful, making you see stars. “Ch-Changbin,” you whined. “Yeah, baby?” he asked breathlessly as he continued, his hips not faltering once. “M-more,” you whimpered. “More? You want more?” he asked. “More of what? Gotta be specific, sweetheart.”
Your cheeks burned under his gaze as he waited for a response. “F-faster,” you finally managed to squeak out. Changbin chuckled but obliged, giving in to your request easily. The room filled with the sound of skin against skin but not loud enough to drown out your moans. As he reached a fast but comfortable pace, you let out a loud moan, shocking yourself. You quickly raised your hand to cover your mouth but Changbin grabbed your wrist, pinning your hand against the bed.
“Don’t cover your mouth,” he said, shaking his head as he leaned over you, pounding into you, the sound of the bed hitting the wall made your cheeks burn even more. “I want everyone to know how good I make you feel.”
You moaned loudly, unrestrained. “P-pin me down,” you said suddenly, making him hesitate for a moment before he grabbed your other wrist and pinned it down, continuing to fuck you into the sheets. “You’re so strong,” you moaned, thighs squeezing his sides. Changbin let out a groan, cock twitching inside you. He pulled out quickly, making you whine in protest but he was quick to switch places, guiding you to sit on top of him.
“Ride me,” he said. You nodded, aligning his tip with your hole and sinking down on him, letting out a moan as his cock filled your cunt. “Fuck, that’s it, baby. Go on,” he said as you steadied yourself, placing your hands on the bed and raising your hips. Changbin’s hands ghosted over your hips, guiding your movements until you had set a pace.
“Fuck, you’re so pretty on top of me like this,” he groaned, bucking his hips to match your movements. “I like this. Can focus on touching you,” he continued, moving his hands up to cup your chest, kneading your breasts. “You can’t pin me like this, though,” you whined, making him chuckle. “You like that?” he asked breathlessly. “Like it when I hold you down?” You nodded. “I do. Makes me feel so weak.”
Changbin let out a groan, his hands moving, taking your hands. “I could hold your wrists,” he offered. “Or if you’re good and keep riding me like this, I promise I’ll pin you down and fuck you rough, like you want. Just keep going,” he said, placing your hands on his chest. “Keep going.”
You rolled your hips, chasing your high as he nodded and encouraged you. “That’s it, bunny, cum for me and then I’ll pin you down and fuck you just how you want it.” Your eyes fluttered shut as your thighs started to shake. “I-I’m close!” you gasped. “It’s okay. Go ahead and let go, baby.” You let out a moan as your orgasm washed over you. You hadn’t even fully finished when Changbin had flipped you over, pinning your wrists above your head as he took over.
He fucked you through your high, chasing his own as he pounded into you. “Fuck,” he cursed. “So fucking good,” he continued. “Gonna cum again?” he asked, feeling your cunt convulsing around him. “Y-yes!” you cried out, your voice bouncing off the walls of your apartment. “Be good and cum for me,” he grunted. 
You grabbed his hand, guiding it to your throat and he understood without you saying a word. He squeezed gently and a moment later, you came undone once more but this time, Changbin went over the edge with you, releasing into the condom with a moan as his hips continued to thrust weakly until he finally came to a stop, panting as you both let your orgasms sweep over you.
The hand around your throat moved, cupping the back of your neck instead as Changbin pressed a kiss to your forehead. He released your wrists and pulled out of you carefully. Your eyes fluttered shut as he moved about, discarding the condom. He returned to the bed a moment later, helping you into a pair of underwear and an oversized shirt. “We should shower,” you whined as he joined you on the bed.
“Hmm, later,” he replied, wrapping an arm around your midsection and pulling you into him. “It’s late, let’s just sleep,” he added and before you could agree or protest, slumber welcomed you.
The next morning you woke up first and carefully got up, heading to the bathroom to do your business. Afterwards, you returned to bed, settling under the covers with Changbin, accidentally waking him in the process. “Sorry,” you whispered as you snuggled up next to him. Changbin murmured under his breath and pulled you in closer, wrapping his arms around you. 
“I spent the night,” he finally said and you nodded. “Yes,” you answered, looking up at him. “You did.”
He looked down at you as a silence fell over you. “I guess we should probably discuss what this means…” he trailed off as you smiled and pressed a kiss to his lips. “It can mean whatever you want it to mean,” you replied. “If you aren’t looking for a relationship and only want a fuck buddy, I’m fine with that.” Changbin winced at the crude remark. “Or if you’d rather it be a one time thing, I’m okay with that, too.”
“I don’t,” Changbin said quickly. “I don’t want it to be a one time thing.” You smiled at him as he spoke. “But I’m not sure if I want a relationship either,” he continued. You pulled him into a kiss before rolling him onto his back as you straddled his hips. “Well, take your time,” you suggested. “Figure out what you want.” You leaned over to kiss him again, trailing your lips down his neck to his chest. 
“It’s not like I’m going anywhere any time soon.”
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©️ kwanisms 2024 | all works on this blog are protected under copyright. Do not repost, continue, or translate my works. All graphics made by me.
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axelakim ¡ 3 months ago
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Broken Pieces
Pairing: Logan Howlett x F!reader (20 ish something)
Genre: angst and angst 
Warning: age gap, not proofread, use of Y/N
Summary: You got a crush on Logan while he is still overshadowed by Jean's death. The love journey between you two gets on a bumpy path.
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Xavier school has been busy because of the new entrances. Young, hopeless mutant which Professor X found out through Cerebro. The teachers feel a bit overwhelmed by them. It is kinda hard to control the youngsters to face their fear. Fear of losing control. Ororo, Raven, Hank, Logan, and Professor put so much effort changing the youngsters mindset. Saturday night feels a bit lay low now, the students are partying in Xavier's backyard, including you. The only class five mutant student in the school. telekinesis, energy manipulation, and some form of neuroelectronic interfacing power
all united in the body of an 18 year old girl. 4 years ago Professor accompanied by storm came to your house offering a safe place, you'd call your second home now. What about the parents? they still visit you once in a while. At the beginning you thought they were the one who called Professor to take you out but turned out wrong. Charles who's the one tracked you. They never abandoned their little girl, the reason why your mom and dad let you go is for the reason that you will be able to accept your gifts and harness it for the better use like X-Men did. So here you are now. Being an exemplary student after 4 years of practicing in this gifted school.
Logan is one of your favorite teachers. He teaches history. You two share quite strong bonding whether in usual or defense class. Always has his eye on you, protecting you even though he knows it's just a practice. That's how you develop a crush on him since last year. After Jean's death, Logan has been a different man, he mourns for almost 6 months fully. But when he was told to teach history to fill his days by the professor he got better. That's the moment he met you.
The party is almost done, several of your friends went back to the dorm already. You and Gina and Hector are left behind. Enjoying each other's company till almost midnight. 
When you got back to your room, you saw logan and Ororo chatting in the living room. They didn't hear you coming, you were about to say hi but it stopped your intention when you heard Miss Grey's name in the conversation.
“So how you feeling logan?” ororo asked
“Great, the kids are quite a handful but i always manage it i always do”
“No, not the kids. I mean jean. Still dreamed of her?”
“O-oh yeah still the same. It's always about the wars and her, every night”
“You have to move on logan. That was not your fault. Try to make peace with it. I hate to see my friend suffer” she sighed
“It is what it is storm. At least I get occupied with the kids. Leave me struggling just at night” he answered while sipping the beer
You were still there, knowing it was wrong to eavesdrop on your teacher's conversation. That's all because of Logan, your curiosity increases when it comes to him.
“I see you close with Y/N. You two seem to share a special moment in every class you taught. Would you tell me about that?” 
“Y/N?” he chuckle, “Nah she's a sweet kid but I just care for her as a student”
“Maybe caring for someone can mean something logan. You act differently around her I can see that. Smile more often. She able to dissipate your scowl face instantly and the school is not against it let me tell you”
Little did you know,you smile hearing her chatter
“No storm, she wasn't even near to Jean” logan almost snapped and bowed his head in frustration.
You've heard it all. Heart breaks into pieces knowing he doesn't feel anything for you after all he does the whole damn year. Feeling you shouldn't be there since the beginning, you stupidly stepped back, hand hitting the vase on the table near you. The vase breaks into pieces resembling how your heart feels right now. Logan and Storm are taken aback with what happened. You ran fast but carefully to your room, hoping they would not see you in the first place. 
“What was that?” logan asked
“I don't know. No one's here. The hall is empty too” while looking around
“Maybe the pets did it” she adds
“Yeah maybe. Let's just clear this up” was the last thing you heard from your room.
Crying silently, you want to stop but you just can't. There's agony and rage inside of you.
“Why you feel hurt Y/N? Why? he's just try to be a good teacher, nothing more. Accept it, accept it you stupid pathetic girl. You're not Miss Jean Grey” talking to yourself like a lunatic. 
The crying is getting uncontrollable. You become bad at controlling your power if you were filled with so much negative energy but forcing the dark power inside to not come out is hard. You don't want to wake everyone up. So, you decide to go to the backyard in a hurry. Near the lake u keep trying to hold it all but your body can't lie. Your face is numb, can't feel anything. Body floating in the air and is circled by the red light which is your power. You were struggling, and couldn't catch a breath.
Professor woken up by the energy of yours. He awakened all the teachers and told them to go to your room but you're not there. All of them went directly to the backyard but they found nothing, you were drowning in the lake at that moment. Logan saw a vague red light from the water. He knew it was you, he jumped into the water to save you.
You are all wet and unconscious. Storm doing CPR so that the water you swallowed spat out. You woke up for a moment and saw everyone.
“Jesus kid, are you okay?” he asked, full of worry in his voice. 
“I'm s-sorry i…” said you faintly
Before you could continue you ran out of energy and blacked out. They finally bring you to the lab. Logan was the one carrying you there without you realizing it.
I will make several part of this story. I've rarely seen angst for Logan, so I try to write it myself. Let me know your thoughts about this. Hope you guys enjoy it!
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juniperskye ¡ 4 months ago
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It had to be You.
Sneak Peek: Modern Day AU! (kinda think late 90’s early 2000’s) Running into your ex at your mutual friends’ engagement party, that was something you had expected and were mentally prepared for. Him looking that damn good and the chaos that ensues…you were not expecting. Flashbacks are bolded.
Eddie Munson x Artist! Fem Reader
Angst/ Fluff (at the end)
Word count: 2301
REQUESTS ARE OPEN - not edited - please be kind. Feedback is welcome if it's constructive!
Warnings: READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!! My blog is 18+, minors DNI, explicit language, past relationship, mention of reader having a troubled past, Steve, and Nancy are together in this (they work ok…sorry not sorry), nobody is dead!, no use of y/n, lovers to enemies to lovers, Eddie is unnamed until the end...idk I felt that it worked for this story (despite you knowing it's him), let me know if I missed any!
I do not consent to having my work translated or reposted to any other site. That being said I do not own the characters portrayed in this story.
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You were elated when you got the call. Steve had called you to let you know that he had officially done it, he had asked Nancy to marry him! You knew he was planning it, hell, you helped him pick the ring for her, you just didn’t know when. You expressed your excitement and congratulated the happy couple asking them about the possibility of an engagement party. Nancy had let you know they weren’t planning one but would love it.
You immediately begun planning the party, creating an evite and curating the perfect guestlist. You called Enzo’s to see if they could accommodate a party of this size. Once that was confirmed and booked, you made sure to call in some reinforcements.
You had called Robin, Chrissy, Max, El, and Dustin. Chrissy had stayed in Hawkins; she went to the community college there and now teaches at Hawkins high. Max, El, Dustin, along with some of the others (Will, Lucas, and Mike) were finishing school at Indiana University, Robin had gone to Butler, and currently resided in Indianapolis. Nancy and Steve had recently moved back to Hawkins after finishing school in Chicago, Nancy was offered an editing position at the Hawkins Journal.
You on the other hand had been living in New York City ever since graduation. It hadn’t happened exactly as you had planned it…which is the exact reason you were nervous to return to Hawkins.
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“We’re gonna graduate, then we will pack up the van and hightail it out of here babe.”
“I was thinking New York. You know…that way you can pursue your music, and I can pursue my art.” You replied.
“That sounds perfect baby! Just a few more weeks and we can go.” He grabbed your hand and the two of you laid back against the pillows in the back of the van.
**One Month Later**
You pulled up to the trailer with your car packed full of your belongings. You were ready to get to New York and start your life! You were even more excited to start your life with him. You stopped the car and made your way up the steps, knocking gently.
“Hey kiddo.” Uncle Wayne greeted.
“Hey Wayne! Is he ready to go?” You asked.
“He better be, with all the noise he was making. Head on back.” Wayne gestured for you to go down the hall.
“Babe! Are you packed and ready to…” your voice trailed off as you entered his room, noticing the severe lack of moving boxes or suitcases. “What the hell? Why aren’t you packed?”
“I uh, I don’t think we should go.”
“What do you mean? We’ve been planning this for months; you were the one who always said once you graduated you would get the hell out of here.” You shouted.
“I know, but I just, I don’t think it’s a good idea. I can’t just leave Uncle Wayne, and who’s to say we don’t get to New York, and everything goes to shit? At least here we know things work.” He challenged.
“We’ll never know if we don’t try. Also, we’re stronger than that, just because we move doesn’t mean this is automatically falls apart.” You replied.
“I can’t go, why don’t you understand that? It’s not going to work. We can stay here and build a life. I have a job at the garage, and you can paint here.” He huffed.
“Well, I can’t stay here.” Your gaze drifted to your feet. “Hawkins is too small, we were destined for something bigger, which is why I need to go to New York.”
“So that’s it then? You’re just gonna leave?” He muttered.
“No. You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to make me feel guilty for following through with our plans. If anyone should feel guilty here it’s you for tricking me into thinking that you were actually going to come with me. But instead, you’re bailing on me, just like everyone else.” You bellowed, quickly making your exit.
That day you had left for New York and didn’t look back. You had travelled to Indianapolis and Chicago to visit your friends, but you hadn’t stepped foot back in Hawkins since then, and you really weren’t looking forward to it.
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You spent the next week coordinating with everyone, in hopes of planning the best engagement party for your friends. You guys worked on decorations, who would get the happy couple to Enzo’s on time. And in just two weeks, you’d find yourself standing in the nicest restaurant in Hawkins Indiana.
“Oh my gosh, you look gorgeous!” Chrissy squealed, jogging over to embrace you.
“I could say the same about you! Congratulations by the way.” You beamed, gently caressing Chrissy’s now prominent bump.
Chrissy and you caught up with one another, and as the others arrived you greeted everyone and began decorating. Pretty much everyone had arrived except for Robin, she had been the person you assigned to get Steve and Nancy to Enzo’s.
You had been placing the last floral centerpiece on its designated table when you heard his voice. Loud and boisterous as always, greeting Dustin, and the other boys as he made his way back to where you were setting up.
“When was the last time you spoke to him?” Max inquired.
“The day I left for New York.” You replied, shaking your head as you straighten out the vase.
“You know he came to New York.” Dustin mentioned, having butt into your conversation. “It was about six months after you left, he went to the studio you were renting and saw you painting, he said that he didn’t want to mess anything up for you and that he wanted to make something of himself before he saw you again.” Dustin concluded.
You couldn’t help the look of shock that took over your features. “It doesn’t change anything. He made his choice.” You said with a sense of finality and walked away.
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Fifteen minutes later, Robin entered the restaurant with Nancy and Steve trailing in behind her. The room erupted in cheers for the newly engaged, the two of the were passed from person to person for a warm embrace. There was nothing to do but smile at the radiant glow that the two of them wore. The longer you were surrounded by all this happiness, the tighter your chest became, you needed air.
The minute you reached the exit, you felt relief, the cool night air surrounding you, finally allowing you to take in a deep breath. You took a few steps away from the exit and leaned up against the brick building.
“Was the cheerful mood suffocating you too?”
You’s recognize that voice anywhere. It was once something that made you swoon, but now it felt like a knife to the heart. You wanted nothing more than to run far away and hide forever. You had really hoped that by the time you needed to confront him, you’d have already moved on and started a new life.
“I didn’t realize someone was out here. I’ll just go.”
A hand gently gripping your wrist stopped you. Your head whipped around, fully ready to tell him off, but the look on his face stopped you dead in your tracks. He wore an expression that you were very familiar with. It was the same one that stared back at you when you looked in the mirror. Sunken eyes, dark circles, dull looking skin, clearly missing that glow that your best friends currently wore.
“Please just talk to me.” He pleaded.
“I have nothing to say to you.” You murmured.
“Then listen. Please, I have something I’d really like to say to you.” He released your wrist and his gaze shifted up his eyes begging you to stay.
“You have five minutes.” You didn’t have it in you to hold back the eyeroll.
“Thank you!” He hollered. “Okay sweetheart, where do I begin? I um, the reason I didn’t go to New York with you was because I was scared. And I know that sounds like some bullshit excuse, but I mean it. I was terrified that we would get there, and you would become this successful artist and I’d just be like this bum that was holding you back from being great. I just figured that if I stayed here that I’d have the band and the job at the garage, and nothing would have to change. Only everything changed, the guys graduated and went off to college, the band broke up and worst of all, you were gone. I really fucked it all up, which is why I worked so hard to make something of myself.” He explained.
“Dustin told me you came to New York. Why didn’t you tell me?” You asked.
“When I saw your studio, I saw you working on this piece, it was a big charcoal piece, and I don’t know. I guess I just didn’t want to fuck things up for you more than I already had.”
“The charcoal piece, it uh, it was. Did you see what the piece was?” You pressed.
“No, I didn’t. I bet it was great though. Sweetheart, I uh, can I show you something?”
“Okay.” You nodded.
He led you over to a motorcycle, he grabbed the helmet and went to put it on and turned toward you, offering you the spare. You glanced from the helmet to his face, and he offered a subtle nod. You placed the helmet on your head, and he reached up to tighten the chin strap for you. You let out a sharp breath at the contact, releasing a cough to try and cover it.
The two of you rode through the city, stopping in front of a garage you didn’t recognize. The logo was in large red letters outlined in white. A bright contrast of the black painted brick. He assisted you off the back of his motorcycle and led you into the building.
“This uh, this is my shop.”
“What do you mean?” You asked.
“So, uh after high school, I kept selling for a while, saving up my money. Then Rick got picked up and sent to prison. So, I got the job at the garage, I worked as many hours as possible, putting in the work. Anyway uh, I got pretty close with the owner and he uh, he left me the place when he died two years ago.” He replied.
“This is great. I’m really happy for you bub.” The nickname slipped out faster than you could comprehend.
“I have something else I’d like to show you.”
“Okay.”
This time, he drove you through a neighborhood you recognized from your youth. It housed beautiful (affordable) family homes, the ones that you had imagined raising your family in. These were the homes you still visualized when you pictured your future. And he was the man that you woke up next to in these images.
When he pulled into the driveway of one of the homes you were confused. He had always expressed his distaste of these homes. You had always known that the reasoning behind his upset was that it was the childhood he was robbed of.
Once you were dismounted his bike, he ushered you to the front door, gesturing for you to enter. Your breath caught in your throat as you looked around the home. You couldn’t help but notice all the details in this particular home, it had a large bay window with a window seat, a big open kitchen, and a breakfast nook.
“What is this?”
“It’s not done, I still have some work to do. But Wayne has been helping me put in all the things we had talked about. Upstairs we put in a clawfoot tub, and we’re working on the flooring.” He gushed.
“This is all a bit much, I uh, I…” Before you could finish, you were out the door and desperately trying to catch your breath in the front lawn.
“Hey, sweetheart, I’m sorry. I’ve been working on myself, trying to be better for you. I was gonna come to New York when the house was finished and talk to you and ask you to come home.”
“Bub, this isn’t home anymore. Hawkins isn’t my home. It never was. That’s why we planned to go to New York. Ugh! I just…fuck! You bailed on me; don’t you get that? You did the one thing that I begged you not to! You broke your promise and you let me believe that I meant nothing to you.” You sobbed.
“Sweetheart, I know I fucked this up before, but please give me another chance? I will spend the rest of my life trying to make this all up to you.” He begged.
“It’s my turn to show you something. Drive me back to Enzo’s.” You demanded.
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He drove you back to the restaurant and pulled up to your car per your request. You dragged him to the trunk and opened it to reveal a folded-up canvas, a box of your art supplies and a photo storage box. You reached into the trunk and grabbed the folded canvas, slowly opening it to reveal the piece you had been working on when he had come to New York. When you opened it completely he let out a breath.
“It’s me.” He whispered.
“They all are.” You stated.
You opened up the photo bin to unveil hundreds of photos of your work, all varying portraits of the man in front of you. You looked down to your shoes, watching as you dug your toe into the gravel parking lot.
“You see, I realized something through my art. Hawkins isn’t my home. But New York isn’t either.”
“What do you mean?”
“Eddie, you’re my home.”
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Let me know if you want to know what happens next!
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the-boy-meets-evil ¡ 1 year ago
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with the band | ksy
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pairing: drummer!soonyoung x journalist!f!reader genre: 70s!au, band!au, fluff, smut, tiny bit of angstsummary: you’re fresh out of college with big dreams about changing the world with your words on a page. The last thing you expect is to end up covering a tour and you certainly don’t expect to fight falling for the drummer. rating: explicit, minors dni word count: ~8.2k (i literally don't know, don't @ me, it was supposed to be short) warnings: brief mention of drinking, brief mention of assumed infidelity (not actual), reader mentions difficulties of male dominated profession and being a woman, 1 mention of drinking, explicit smut: kissing, fingering, unprotected sex (don't do this), multiple orgasms, oral sex (f. receiving), briefest handjob/blowjob, reader is a little obsessed with hoshi's arms, hoshi picks reader up 1 time, idk i think that's it
a/n: this is for @svthub's 70s;teen collab and i'm so thankful that i got to take part in it. make sure you check out all the other amazing fics here! also a massive thank you to my bby indi @classicscreations for another last minute banner with minimal info from me. ily. (this is unbeta'd because i finished it late sorry!)
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When you went to school, you had all these big dreams. It’s easier for women to get an education now, universities that had been single sex are going co-ed, and women are allowed to have ideas. You feel excited about your future. You’re going to change the world. At least, that’s what you think.
Before you know it, graduation is around the corner and it’s time to try to find a job with your journalism degree. While you’ve become a standout contributor at your school paper, this is entirely different. Your big dreams start to feel a little deflated. Sure, you can get a job at a big newspaper, like you’ve always wanted, you just have to be fine with being the assistant to someone else. Getting their coffee and lunch orders, handling their schedule, fetching dry cleaning. And it’s not that you mind paying your dues, you don’t. You know that you’re going to have to work your ass off just to get that chance. But you’re not sure you can take the chance of getting boxed into being someone’s assistant. Close enough to get a hint of the story while never actually writing it yourself.
As you’re about to take one of the positions you’re so opposed to, you happen to get to know someone from the infamous Rolling Stone magazine. It’s not really your style, the whole sex, drugs, and rock’n’roll scene. You don’t feel like you know more than the average person when it comes to music. Music is great, you like it, and you’ve covered the occasional show for your school paper. It’s just not where you feel comfortable. However, as your new contact points out, they’re more than music. They’re culture and politics and just the heartbeat of the country. So, okay, why not take a shot? The worst that happens is they say no and you still have the papers to fall back on.
You don’t need to fall back. They like your writing at Rolling Stone, like your perspective. They like your honesty most of all, that sticks out. Someone tells you that they can tell exactly what you think about something and it’s exactly what they’re looking for. Maybe later, you’ll look back and wonder if this was really the right fit. If you knew what you were getting into. All you can do when you get the offer is say yes. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime, you tell yourself, to actually get to say something right away. Who cares what you’re talking about? If there’s one thing you know how to do, it’s form an opinion. 
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Several months into the job, you actually like it a lot more than you expected you would. Yeah, there’s a lot of partying, a lot of drinking, a lot of other things you’re not going to mention. But, the world is changing and you want to be there for it. 
As much as you initially expected to join Rolling Stone for the culture and political pieces, you’ve written just as many pieces about music. There’s a human element to it that draws you in, a commentary on the artists and what they’re trying to say. You don’t think twice when your boss assigns you to cover a show in the area. A big group is headlining, something you know will draw everyone out, but your boss wants you to pay attention to the other acts. Find out if there’s a story.
You’re somewhere in an open staff room before the show, taking time to catch up with people you know through work, through other shows, just from being around the area. It’s there that you hear the commotion outside the room. It sounds like a group of girls reacting to someone, probably one of the musicians. Seconds later, the musician in question opens the door, smiling softly over his shoulder and calling out a string of thank yous before heading around the corner.
It’s familiar with the shows you’ve covered. He’s hiding out from the fans that hang around and try to get closer to them. Some of them are familiar with the staff, both for the groups and the venues, though, and they come and go as they please. He seems to realize this and rushes over to your table, sits down in an empty seat and tries to look like he belongs.
“What’s the low down?” he asks without preamble. 
You’re caught off guard for a lot of reasons. The first is that you have no idea who this man, with his short hair and denim shirt actually is. He looks like a musician, probably could be a member of one of the other, smaller groups playing tonight. He seems like he’s probably in his mid-20s. But you don’t know him. The second reason is that you’re not really sure what he’s asking.
“With what?” you finally ask.
“The group of girls hanging around outside,” he supplies. Of course.
“This your first show or something?” you ask.
“Not exactly,” he says. “I mostly did studio work until I replaced the guy before me in Moonwalker. They needed a new drummer.”
“I’m sure you had plenty of girls hanging around the studio,” you say. 
“Including you?” he wonders. “I’m Soonyoung, by the way.”
You give him your name in return. “And no, I write for Rolling Stone.”
That catches his interest in the way it always does with musicians. They all want to be in the magazine, want to know they’ve made it. Just as many want to make sure whatever’s published about them is positive, paints them in a good light. It’s why your boss has always stressed to remember the musicians aren’t your friends. That’s never been an issue for you, so you’ll continue to chat with Soonyoung. Try to see if his band might be the one you pitch to your boss. 
He wants to keep talking, you can tell, but a man that looks like a manager pops his head into the room. Once his eyes land on Soonyoung, he’s calling him away. The rest of the band is going over something pre-show and they need him. Soonyoung looks back at you.
“Catch ya later?” Soonyoung asks it as a question instead of making it a statement.
“Maybe,” you answer, noncommittal. 
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The next day at work you fill your boss in about the show and pitch Moonwalker for a feature. They’re young and hungry, saying a lot with their music, and there were almost as many fans there to see them as there were to see the headliner. Culturally and musically, they’re relevant. If you can get the jump on this story, you might even be able to beat out the competition. Which is always a gamble. You don’t have some magic 8 ball telling you if these guys are the real deal. 
After your boss loops in a couple of the big music guys at the magazine, he agrees that you can try to get the story. If the band will let you go to the next several stops, and actually answer your questions, your boss will sign off on it. Well, you have to stay on top of your other assignments too, but you assure him that won’t be an issue. 
Three days later you’re headed to your first stop on the tour. Their manager had initially been skeptical, but called back a few hours after the pitch. Apparently Soonyoung had asked if it would be you doing the story, said you seemed cool, and the rest of the band was eager for the exposure. So you packed your bags and got on the next bus out to meet them on their tour. From there, you would be traveling with the band. That had also come with the warning from your boss and colleagues, a reminder that the guys in the band weren’t your friends and the women who traveled with them were even less so. Not that it was news to you. 
(And not that you’re thinking about the phone call you got after work that night.
“Hello?” You’re balancing the phone against your ear as you sort through some recent mail.
“Hey! This is Soonyoung!” comes a cheery voice on the other end.
“Oh, uh, hi,” you say. “How did you get my number?”
“My manager called the magazine for a couple last minute questions and they gave him this number,” Soonyoung answers.
You’re wondering why your boss, always worrying about keeping those lines firmly in place, gave out your personal number. But that’s an issue for another day. 
“So you’re hitting the road,” Soonyoung carries on. “You must’ve been into our sound.”
“You’re different and the crowd seemed to dig it,” you say.
“Can’t wait to catch you on the trail,” Soonyoung finishes.)
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The band is funny to be around, you think. It’s a little like herding children at times, even though they’re a few years older than you. But their attention is constantly somewhere and rarely on the question you’re asking. Which should be frustrating, except that Soonyoung is always looking over at you with an apology in his eyes. Always filling in every answer that he can with this band he’s gotten used to at light speed. 
You do get your answers, though. Answers about everything from how the band got together to where they see themselves going to what they think about where the country is headed. In between the booze and the women and the drugs, you’re able to piece together who this group actually is and what they’re about. The more you learn, the more you want to learn. The more you relate to the things they’re saying. For the first time in your career, you’re actually wondering if you can capture the energy of this band when you put it to paper. Can you capture the way they vibe together? Can you capture the way the singer mesmerizes an entire crowd? Can you capture the way Soonyoung goes from smiling and happy to laser focused on stage? There’s magic in seeing them perform live.
There’s also the small matter of getting too close to them. Or to one of them in particular. From the beginning you knew that Soonyoung would be a problem. He’s too loud and he’s not all that smooth, but there’s a real tenderness to him. There’s a softness to his approach that you weren’t quite expecting. The first time he invites you to hang out with the band after a show, you ignore it. It’s easy. You’re thinking of the advice from your boss and your coworkers. The second and third times are easy too. Well, easy enough. You say no and go back to your room to work on notes for the story.
Except, that’s when it changes. You get on the phone with your boss, tell me how much bigger the story is becoming than you ever anticipated. There’s so much more than just the band, from the backgrounds of the members, to the lyrics of their songs, to where they see themselves heading. Three members, including Soonyoung, are the children of immigrants in this country. Where you expect push back from your boss, instead you’re met with agreement. Stay on the road, you’ve been on top of your assignments. He’ll give you more words for the piece you’re writing. Just carry on, he loves all the notes and ideas he’s seen so far. 
It’s exactly what you’re hoping for and yet there’s still a feeling in the pit of your stomach like things are about to change. Not because this is a big article, though it is. You’ve never been given more than a thousand words and you have three thousand now. It’s more than just a chance. Yet you’re still unsettled about something. 
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It’s another day. Another set of pre-show questions, a depth to each band members’ background, an insight in the process of writing songs, even a little bit of a look into why each of them got into music in the first place. The leader of the band and the manager are more reserved, concerned with how the group will come across when you write this article. They’re always asking what you’ll say or if they can see the article before it comes out. 
Your answer is always the same: no. But, you assure them that you’re not in this to ruin their careers. What would be the point? Who would want to answer your questions moving forward? You just want to paint an honest picture of what they’re like and what they’re about. 
Post show is the same song and dance as always. Soonyoung asks for you to come by their routine after-party. You see the way some of the other hangers-on watch for your answer, seem annoyed that he’s asking yet again when you’ve said no every other time. You say no, like every other time, and watch the smiles that form instantly on the faces of those who drag Soonyoung off. His eyes stay on you even after you turn around to head to your room. 
That’s where the similarities stop. You’re reading over your notes at the desk in your dingy hotel room. It’s far too late and the lighting is awful, but you want to make sure you get it all down before you forget. You also want to test out a few sentences or even passages to send back to your boss. The article really has taken shape in your head and you’re excited to actually write it.
A knock at the door pulls you from your thoughts about word choice. You figure it’s probably just some drunk person looking for the band and getting the room wrong. Or looking for friends after the show. It’s not like that would be the first time. So you don’t consider that you’re not really dressed for company.
“Hey,” from a voice that’s entirely too familiar. 
There’s a moment when you’re both just looking at each other. You’re trying to figure out what he’s doing here and why he doesn’t seem drunk. He’s taking in your open bathroom over your nightgown. After another moment, you pull the bathrobe closed, definitely too late by the smirk playing on Soonyoung’s mouth. 
“Uh, what are you doing here?” you ask after clearing your throat.
“I wanted to see what was so important that kept you from hanging with us,” Soonyoung answers. “‘M I interrupting something?” 
“Yes, actually,” you say before you can think better.
“Really?” he challenges.
“I was writing,” you rush out. “I don’t have my typewriter here but I’ve been putting passages together.”
“And that couldn’t wait til morning to hang out with us? See what we’re like outside of the venue?” Soonyoung presses.
“I’ve seen you outside the venues,” you argue. “And it’s not that it’s keeping me from hanging out with you.”
“Then what is?” he asks. 
“We’re not friends, Soonyoung, and you’ve got plenty of people to keep you distracted,” you offer with an eye roll.
“They’re not that distracting…or entertaining,” he says and you actually laugh. 
“They’ll be heartbroken,” you muse.
“Let me come in for a drink,” Soonyoung presses. “It’s rude to leave company in the hall.”
“I don’t have anything to drink,” you say, almost regretful.
“I do,” Soonyoung says, holding up a six pack.
This is dumb, a terrible idea. It’s exactly what your boss warned you about. But you step to the side anyway and let Soonyoung walk around you. With a look down the hallway to confirm nobody saw him, you close the door.  
“What are you doing here, really?” you ask.
Soonyoung settles on the edge of the bed and opens one of the beers. He holds one out to you and you take it. He’s already inside the room, might as well appreciate something free to drink.
“I don’t know, I like being around you. There’s more to you than most of the people that hang around the band,” Soonyoung says.
“That’s because I’m not just hanging around the band. I’m here working,” you reason.
“And that means you can’t have fun?” Soonyoung wonders.
“I am having fun,” you disagree. 
“You know what I mean,” he says, not letting you get away with it. You hesitate, unsure where to go from here. “You don’t have to tell me, but I’m interested in you. I want to actually know you in the way you’re getting to know us. I’m laying myself bare and you don’t have to do the same, I just want to know you.”
Which is fair, isn’t it? Of all the band members, Soonyoung has been the most open, the most honest about who he is, what he’s about, and where he wants to go. So you make the decision you probably always were going to make. You sit down on the bed next to him, instead of leaving space by sitting in the chair, and you start to tell him who you are. Nothing feels off limits from your struggles in a male-dominated field to your family life to your past relationships. To his credit, he’s a good listener. His face is so expressive and open that you find yourself saying more than you have to anyone in ages. 
As you continue to talk, your beers sit largely untouched. Soonyoung’s taken a few sips, but mostly his eyes have been focused on you, like he’s looking for the things your face is saying that your words aren’t. Somewhere it progresses from you talking about who you are to the two of you talking about anything that comes up. It’s not a level of comfort you were ever expecting to feel in a place like this. It’s also really difficult to remember what your boss said.
“So we’re not friends, huh?” Soonyoung asks during a lull.
“Oh, well…” you stutter.
He laughs. “Luckily I’m not so easily scared off.”
“It’s just, my boss…well he warned me not to get too close to you,” you admit.
“Me specifically?” Soonyoung asks.
“No, the band as a whole,” you answer without meeting his eyes. 
You start when Soonyoung’s finger lifts your chin up to meet his eyes. It’s hard to meet them when you feel like he sees through you. “I think you seem smart enough to make that call for yourself, don’t you?” 
All you can do is nod. That seems to make him happy. You feel more exposed though, more raw. Even more so when you remember that you’re only in your nightgown and bathrobe. Without even realizing it, you pull the bathrobe closed again.
“Do you want me to go?” Soonyoung’s voice is quiet, not a whisper but deep with something else. The entire mood shifts. 
You shake your head immediately. This time it’s not enough.
“I need to hear you,” he says.
“No, Soonyoung, I don’t want you to go,” you say quietly. 
His fingers are on your chin again, soft enough that you could pull away if you wanted to. Which you don’t. His voice is still low, thick with something you now realize is desire. It’s the same feeling you got when you extended your trip following Moonwalker on the road. And it’s definitely trouble. 
“Can I kiss you?” he asks, voice gentle like he has to be careful with you. 
You nod again before considering if he needs to hear you. He doesn’t. Not this time. His lips meet yours gently, so soft like he’s not really sure it’s happening. Like he’s worried this is all a dream. You’re kind of worried about that too, but you’re not sure if it would be better that way. If this should all just be something you’re dreaming up instead of something that’s actually happening. 
It’s not enough, you open your mouth and he takes it as an invitation almost immediately. The kiss deepens, becomes a little more insistent and a little more desperate. He’s testing the waters at the same time. One hand rests on your bare thigh and the other slides up your neck into your hair, anchoring you to his mouth. You gasp a bit at the firmness. It’s a different side to him than you’ve seen. Well, except when he’s on stage. He’s just as focused then as he is now. 
But it’s not quite enough and you’re not really sure what makes you adjust. You’ve never really been someone to be forward, not like this. So you’re not really sure why you readjust to straddle his lap. Not that he’s complaining. His groan is low, from the back of his throat, as you settle on top of him. For a moment, you’re aware that you’re still just in your nightgown. 
Until Soonyoung’s hands run along the bare skin of your thighs and you shiver under his touch. Until his fingers dig into your skin, just hard enough to anchor you but not so hard it’ll leave marks. Until your own fingers find their purchase in Soonyoung’s hair, shorter than you’re used to on men, yet perfect for him. You’re not used to straddling someone like this either, so you try not to move too much. Except when you need to adjust because your knees aren’t comfortable as they’re digging into the mattress. That single movement drags your core across his lap and pulls a deep groan from him. You can feel him hardening when he jerks his hips up into you.
Soonyoung moves one hand up your back, underneath the nightgown so his fingers are on your skin. His other hand holds the back of your head so you can’t stop kissing him. Then he’s leaning back onto the bed, bringing you with him so that now you’re on top of him. You feel a little out of your element like this, not entirely used to being the one in control. Even if the control is an illusion and it really rests with Soonyoung. It’s like he can sense that and wraps his strong arms around you to flip the two of you over. He breaks the kiss only for a moment as he’s hovering over to look down at you. You’re sure you blush under his attention, there’s so much affection. Then you’re kissing again. 
You know where this is heading, know and don’t want to stop it. His hips rut against your core more as the kisses continue to intensify and you want more. Need more than the friction with too much clothing between you. You’re about to pull his shirt off, have your fingers on the hem, when there’s a loud banging on the door. It startles you both from your little bubble. After a second, the banging starts again.
You reluctantly slide out from underneath Soonyoung to go look out the peephole. Something you did not do when he showed up. It’s one of his bandmates. You crack the door open and try to act like you’d been sleeping.
“Hey sorry, we’re looking for Soon, have you seen him?” he asks.
You pretend to yawn and shake your head. “Sorry, been sleeping.”
“Huh, well sorry,” he says and is gone before you can say anything else.
Soonyoung is behind you before the door even closes, wrapping his arms around you and holding you back against his chest. He presses a soft kiss behind your ear, gentle like his first kiss. 
“I should probably go before they come back,” he whispers against your skin.
“About what I said,” you begin, turning around in his arms to face him.
“S’okay, I get it,” he assures you. He places the gentlest kiss on your lips. “I know what you’re dealing with.”
“Thank you,” you say quietly.
“And maybe we’ll get to continue this,” Soonyoung offers. He sounds like he’s trying to be nonchalant, but his face gives away how badly he wants you to agree.
“God, yes, please,” you respond. You don’t care how you sound when his face lights up. That’s all you need.
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The next day has you packing up and heading to the next city. Road days are actually some of your favorite because it’s just you with the people on the bus. It’s a much smaller group than at the venues or at the hotel afterwards. It also gives you a better glimpse into who Moonwalker are outside of the performances. You see how they interact, how they approach conversations, what they do to fill their time.
Of course, now, Soonyoung wants to be around you whenever he can. A fact entirely too obvious to some of the people on the bus. He accepts that you want to keep some amount of distance, doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable. The two of you just kind of gravitate together anyway. Whether it’s sitting near each other on the bus or stopping at the same places for food when you stop. Most people seem to write it off as how he’s been with you the entire time. Most don’t realize that you’re seeking him out almost as much now. 
You get enough time without prying ears to let him know that you don’t want to distract him the night before a show. You also know how their manager can be, so you think it’s best for him to be in the bed that he’s supposed to be in. He pouts for a second but understands. You’re trying to keep at least the appearance of separation. 
The day of the next show finds you in the lobby waiting for some coffee and something to eat when a woman breezes in through the open doors. You hate to generalize, but she looks like a lot of the other women that hang around bands, except a little more confident. A little more sure of herself or her position. Maybe she’s someone’s girlfriend. You’re sure that whatever Moonwalker gets up to on the road, at least some of them are in relationships. Not Soonyoung, you’re sure he would’ve mentioned it. 
For some reason, the woman approaches you after speaking to someone at the desk. She’s glamorous up close, for lack of a better way to put it, but maybe not as confident as you’d initially thought.
“Is this where Moonwalker is staying?” she asks without preamble. 
“Uh, yeah,” you answer.
“Oh good, I’ve been looking for Soonyoung and I keep missing his stops,” she says with a smile.
Your stomach drops and you do everything you can not to let your face show how bothered you are. She’s looking for who?
“Soonyoung?” you ask. Thankfully, she doesn’t seem to pick up on your distress.
“It’s an unusual name, I know, but he’s the drummer for Moonwalker,” she carries on.
“Uh, I haven’t seen him today,” you offer.
“I wasn’t expecting you had, you’re clearly not a groupie,” she says with a slightly sympathetic smile. You’re not really sure what to do with that. “But he’s staying here?”
“Yeah, they’re staying here,” you confirm. “Who are you?”
“Oh well I’m his…well it’s complicated, but we’re seeing each other,” she says.
“Right,” is all you can muster.
“Who are you?” she asks.
You give your name. “I write for Rolling Stone.”
“You’re a journalist?” She asks the question with all the surprise and disdain of someone that thinks only men can write.
“I am,” you confirm and stand up. “It’s been great speaking, I’m sure Soonyoung will be around soon. They haven’t left for the venue yet.”
You’re off before she can say anything else without coffee or the snack you’d been looking for. Before the tour, you never drank coffee in the afternoons because of the caffeine. Now, you’re staying up much later. 
Once you’re back in your room, you let yourself cry. For so many reasons. For breaking the rule and getting so close to Soonyoung. For allowing yourself to feel something for him. For being stupid enough to think he felt something for you too. For how hard it’s going to be to carry on with this story now that you know who he really is. For having to separate personal from professional. For all the things that could have been. 
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You keep your distance from Soonyoung through the rest of the day and the show. He’s visibly confused when you make excuse after excuse to walk away or talk to someone else. But why should he be? Surely the woman ended up finding him after speaking to you and surely she’s waiting somewhere for him. Why should he keep bothering with you? 
It’s not until you’re back in your room post-show that you start to plan your next steps. You’re scheduled to join the band for at least 3 more shows. It’s what you and your boss agreed to. And it was fine, before everything happened with Soonyoung. Could you find a way to convince your boss that you do actually have enough for the article and it’s time to come home? Maybe. You’ll have to start thinking of good reasons.
It’s during this inner monologue that you hear a quiet knock at the door. You know who it’s going to be before you even open the door. Soonyoung stands on the other side looking much more subdued than normal. He looks sad, maybe even hurt.
“Can I come in?” he asks.
His voice sounds just as sad as he looks, which causes anger to flare in you for a moment. What reason does he have to be hurt? But you step aside anyway because this isn’t a conversation to have in the doorway where anyone could overhear.
“What is it?” you ask once you’re both inside. He sits on the edge of your bed and you take the chair at the desk.
“What’s wrong?” he asks in response.
“What do you mean what’s wrong?” you ask louder than you intended.
“Everything was good and we were on the same page, what changed?” Soonyoung asks.
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe you having a girlfriend? I met her in the lobby this afternoon, she was looking for you,” you fire back. 
Soonyoung goes quiet. Not like he’s been caught, like he’s confused. Like he doesn’t know what you mean. Then his face changes into one of annoyance. “Do you mean Mary?”
“I’m not sure, Soonyoung, how many girlfriends do you have?” you ask, irritated.
“None,” he insists and then describes the woman from earlier.
“Sounds right, she didn’t mention her name,” you agree. 
Soonyoung huffs out an overly annoyed sigh. “That’s not my girlfriend and again, I do not have a girlfriend…”
“Girlfriend, friend, groupie, whatever,” you dismiss. “I’m not interested in the drama.”
“Neither am I,” Soonyoung insists. You want to believe him. His face is so kind, so honest. But this is why you don’t get involved with the band.
“I want to believe you,” you start.
“Then believe me,” Soonyoung pleads. “Mary used to hang around at the studio I worked at before coming on this tour. I was nice to her, we chatted a couple times, but I never even got her number. I never even went out with her or kissed her or anything. I have no idea why she showed up here.”
“You promise?” you ask. 
Soonyoung is off the bed and coming to kneel before you in a single move. He takes your hands in his, so still and serious. Like nothing else matters. 
“I promise you, there is nothing going on there. The only person I’m interested in getting to know is you,” he says. 
“Soonyoung,” you caution.
“I know, your career, the article, all of it, I get it,” Soonyoung assures you. “I’m willing to take whatever you can give me.”
It’s dumb. You know it’s dumb. And you don’t care because this man in front of you is doing more than you ever expected. So you lean forward to kiss him and feel him smile against your lips. The next second, he hoists you up (you’re thankful for that drummer arm strength) and carries you to the bed. He’s so gentle when he puts you down, so careful to make sure you don’t hit your head on the headboard. 
And then his lips are on yours again, kissing you so fiercely that you lose your breath. His hands wander your body like he’s trying to map every piece of you. Every curve, every spot, every place that makes you shudder. His lips on you are a constant, keeping you grounded in this moment, allowing it to feel like more than a dream. His hands wander up the skirt you wore to the show earlier. You had put off changing for bed beyond removing your stockings and shoes. Now you’re almost thankful for that decision with how your skin erupts into goosebumps under Soonyoung’s touch. 
This time when you reach to remove his shirt, there’s no loud knock to disrupt you. There’s nothing at all to distract you from the beautiful man hovering over you on the bed. It seems ridiculous, now, that you ever thought you could ignore him. Once you get his clothes off, he removes your own, so you’re laying bare on your bed. Everything inside you wants you to cover yourself, unused to anyone taking you in with the attention Soonyoung gives you. But when you go to move your hands to cover yourself, he catches them, places the softest kisses on your knuckles, and lightly puts them over your head. His eyes take your body in like he’s never seen anything better.
“Absolutely beautiful,” he whispers against your skin. “You’re perfect.”
“Look who’s talking,” you manage to reply. 
“Are you sure you want this?” he asks, pulls away so he can look you in your eyes. “It’s okay if you say no.”
“Little late for that,” you chuckle.
“No, it’s not,” he reiterates. 
“I know, Soon,” you say through a smile. “I do want this.” 
It’s all the reassurance that he needs when his lips meet yours again, insistent. One of his hands runs down your body and along your thigh before he separates your legs. It makes you shiver in anticipation. Every part of you longs for him. You know he must realize. He runs one of his fingers between your folds and moans into the kiss with how wet you are. How badly you want him. How ready you are for him. After he does this several more times, you pull away.
“Please,” you beg him. 
You’re expecting him to tease you or to ask you what it is you’re begging for. Instead, he slides one finger inside you and captures your gasp. The kiss doesn’t last nearly long enough before he’s pulling away again, this time to watch your body react to his finger pumping slowly in and out of you. He’s encouraging your moans, muttering praises into your skin, making you feel like nothing else matters. He slides a second finger into you and your back arches at the feeling. He hooks his middle finger inside you and you know you’re going to be done for entirely too soon. 
As his pace quickens, he trails kisses along your neck, your chest, your stomach. You can’t even be self conscious because he doesn’t give you the chance. Just makes you feel better than you’ve ever felt with just his fingers. Your hands tangle in the sheets as you writhe under his attention.
“Soonyoung, please, I’m gonna come,” you whine out. He doesn’t slow, just adds a third finger.
“Then come, baby, I want to watch you come all over my fingers,” he urges.
And that’s, well that’s got you even closer. Never have you had a guy put your own needs above his own like that. He keeps his rhythm steady and it’s all too much, you’re feeling him everywhere and your body is on fire.
“Let go,” he whispers low into your ear.
So you do, you let go and drench his fingers, the release so strong that it takes you a minute to come back down or to realize you feel empty without his fingers. He’s laying on his side next to you and running a hand through your hair to brush it out of your face.
“Oh my god, Soonyoung,” you rasp out.
“Yeah?” he asks and you nod. 
He adjusts his position and you feel his hard length against your hip. You reach a hand down to lightly grip his cock. It’s longer than you were expecting but not too thick. Not entirely intimidating to think about inside of you. 
“You don’t have to…” he starts.
“I want to,” you disagree.
You run your finger over the head, collecting a little of the precum and then run your hand back down. It’s not enough though, so you push yourself up. He follows you with his eyes and readjusts so he’s leaning back against the headboard. You get between his legs and lick a stripe up the underside of his length, watch as he shudders over the briefest touch. You can tell he’s trying to sit back and enjoy it, but he’s sensitive. He must have enjoyed you coming on his fingers more than you realized. 
He lets you tease him, running your tongue along him entirely too slowly, your hand pumping without enough friction. But his desires win out before long.
“I need to be inside of you,” Soonyoung whines. “Please?”
You swallow hard and nod. “Yes, oh my god.”
Before you even realize what’s happening, he gathers you up in his arms and lays you down underneath him. He spreads your leg and kisses all the way up from your thigh to your lips, leaving you desperate for more of him when he pulls away. It’s only so he can line himself up at your entrance, though. He eases into you slow enough that you can adjust to the feel of him. And then he’s rolling his hips into you.
You’re not sure if it’s the build up between the two of you, the realization of your feelings when you met the woman claiming to be his girlfriend, or what, but everything just feels…better. The stretch is that perfect kind of pleasure and the way he rolls his hips into you is just the right pace. He whispers constant reassurances into your skin and you don’t think you’ve ever felt this safe or whole with someone before. 
He takes his time with you, doesn’t thrust into you too hard or too fast, just wants to savor the moment. You can’t recall your last relationship taking this much care. It’s overwhelming in the best way, in the way that you don’t want it to end.
“I’m so close,” he hisses out too soon. 
“I’m almost there,” you whine out, heading towards your second orgasm of the night.
Soonyoung reaches between you and starts to rub your clit, making you cry out from the sensitivity. In no time, you’re screaming out as you come seconds apart from each other. 
“Wow,” Soonyoung says when he’s caught his breath and laying next to you on the bed. 
“Yeah,” you agree. 
He rolls over onto his side and faces you, looking both incredibly relaxed and impossibly happy. “Are we okay?”
“Oh my god, this is when you ask?” you laugh out.
“Well, I don’t wanna make the wrong assumption!” he defends.
“Yes, we’re good,” you start, “and before you say it, I will talk to you before making assumptions next time.”
“There’s going to be a next time? Do you like me?” Soonyoung asks, all gentle teasing in his voice.
“I am going to kick you out of this room,” you threaten.
You don’t follow through. Not when he wets a towel to come help you clean up or when he offers to get you clothes to wear to bed. Not when he fills up a glass with water for you to drink so you’re not dehydrated. Not when he offers to leave so that people don’t get the wrong idea. Not when you’re pulling him into a kiss and back into bed. Not when you’re talking until you fall asleep tangled up in each other.
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The next couple days pass in kind of a blur with traveling and getting settled into the next tour stop. Needless to say, you don’t reach out to your boss about ending your trip early. You do have a conversation with Soonyoung, though, about how it is almost your last stop. He gets it, but he’s not ready to think about it, instead wrapping himself around you and pressing kisses to any part of your body that he can reach. He’s incredibly distracting and you find you don’t really mind. You also don’t mind if he lets his bandmates think there’s something going on with you. None of them seem surprised, which makes you wonder what he said before he won you over. 
After the next show, he doesn’t even pretend to go to the afterparty before coming to see you. He departs from his band and the hangers-on at the entrance to the hotel and comes straight to your room. Just as the two of you planned. And not that you’re expecting anything, but you’re waiting in your nightgown just in case, unable to stop thinking about Soonyoung moaning over being interrupted the first time. 
“Hey…wow,” Soonyoung says when you open the door and he takes you in.
“You were whining about being interrupted the first time,” you offer with a shrug. 
“I was not whining,” he protests, but kisses you anyway when he steps inside. 
“You were and it was cute,” you disagree. Calling Soonyoung cute is a mistake, you realize that the second you see his face.
“You think I’m cute,” he preens.
“I take it back,” you say immediately.
“Nope,” he says and pulls you into him. “Can’t take it back.”
He kisses you hard and deep before you can continue the argument. Not that you’re complaining about it. He moves backwards to sit down on the bed and pulls you onto his lap. Same position, different bed. You’ll still take it. 
“Soon, can I ask you something?” you ask.
“Anything,” he offers.
“Tonight, can you…don’t be gentle with me,” you manage.
“You didn’t like that?” Of course that’s his first worry.
“No, no, it was amazing, completely perfect,” you assure him and he relaxes beneath you. “It’s just…I want…”
“Something else,” he finishes.
You nod and look down, absently playing with the hem of his shirt. “I just, I feel safe with you and I want to try things.” 
Soonyoung lifts your chin with a finger so you can see how much care there is behind his eyes. He presses a kiss to the corner of your mouth and then to your lips. 
“I won’t be so gentle with you, then,” he agrees. “But you have to tell me if it’s too much okay?” 
“Okay,” you agree.
And he’s not gentle. He takes his time building up to it, kissing you hard and pulling your lip between his teeth. Pulling off your clothes so you’re naked on his lap. Leaving marks where nobody else will see them. Grinding against your core even though he’s still dressed. Pulling endless moans out of you. Until he flips you onto your bag and pushes your legs open. He’s got his fingers inside you again and it’s nothing like the first time. Nothing like the gentle rhythm. He’s scissoring his fingers and pumping them quickly. He’s using this thumb to rub your clit. The stream of words coming out of your mouth is incomprehensible and you’re sure the people in the rooms on either side can hear you. You’re equally sure you don’t care.
It feels like record time when he’s coaxing your first orgasm out of you. Your whole body is sensitive and the waves continue to ripple through you. It doesn’t even feel like you’ve recovered from the first orgasm when you feel Soonyoung’s tongue run between your folds. He’s spreading your lips with his fingers and lapping into you.
“Soonyoung, fuck, oh my god,” you scream out.
He pops his head up from between your legs just long enough for a single question. “Do you want me to stop?”
“No, fuck, please don’t,” you whine out and he’s between your legs again. 
You can’t even see straight but you’re sure that the sight of this man between your legs, tongue working you like he’s starving, is the hottest thing you’ve ever seen. His thumb rubs over your clit again and you arch into him. You move your hand into his hair to anchor him or yourself, you’re not sure. You’re oversensitive and overstimulated, but it’s the best kind of mix of pain and pleasure. There are tears forming in the corners of your eyes and you urge him on, beg him to keep going. 
The second orgasm rips through you even harder than the first and you’re screaming out your praise for him as he guides you through it. Once you come down, you feel him come up next to you and roll towards him. His lips are on yours in the next second and you can taste yourself on his tongue. You think you could kiss him for hours without getting bored or wanting to stop. Yet he pulls away from you entirely too soon. 
There’s confusion on your face as he gets out of the bed (and maybe a little bit of embarrassment that you’ve come twice and he’s still dressed). His eyes are on you as he strips himself out of his clothing before leaning over the bed. If you’re waiting for another kiss, you’re left waiting. He grabs behind your legs and pulls you to the edge. His eyes are full of fire, yet still checking to see if you’re okay. You ease any worries with a quick nod of your head. With that he pulls you up against him and kisses you quickly.
You’re so dazed that you don’t even realize he’s changing your position until you’re leaning over the edge of the bed with your ass in the air. He uses his foot to spread your legs apart so that he can line himself up. Even though you want to watch him, he presses between your shoulder blades so you’re leaning forward as much as possible. And maybe he’s got a point because the feeling of him pressing into you is so much better when you’re not watching him do it. 
This time, he doesn’t wait for you to adjust to him, just immediately snaps his hips into you, burying his cock fully inside on the first thrust. Even though he’s being rougher, his praise is still constant. Still talking you through every moment. When he lifts one of your legs up so your knee is on the edge of the bed, you think you see stars at the new position. He’s hitting you so deep and filling you so completely that you’re not sure how you ever survived without him. Dramatic, you chastise yourself, but you’re a little beyond sex stupid right now. 
His fingers dig into your hips where he holds you in place, keeping up the pace that has your eyes watering yet again. You’re so sensitive and you’re sure you’re not going to come again. Until you feel the orgasm building and the pressure in your tummy. Until his own words become unintelligible, just a string of curses and praise. Until you hear yourself tell him that you’re gonna come again and feel his own release just after yours. 
Your legs feel like jelly as he guides you back into the bed and disappears for a towel. You can hear the water running just before he reappears to clean you up. It’s such a stark contrast from minutes earlier when he’s gentle with you again. It’s way too early to feel anything for him, you remind yourself again, but you also can’t pretend not to feel anything. 
Once he cleans himself up, he gets into the bed and tucks the two of you under the covers without bothering to get dressed. His arms circle you and you feel safe, like this. Wanted and special and right. The kiss he presses to your forehead almost makes you sigh.
“How are you?” he asks softly into your hair.
“Amazing? Perfect? I don’t even know,” you answer.
“But you’re okay,” he presses.
“No, I’m a lot better than okay,” you assure him. He must see your smile. 
“Me too,” he agrees.
You’re not sure what happens next or how you’re going to be able to make this work. Or if it’s even going to work. You’re not sure any of that matters because you have this night and you have Soonyoung, at least for now. Nothing else matters.
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thank you for reading, i hope you liked it 💕
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tomriddlehyperfixataion ¡ 1 year ago
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Rumor has it - Tom Riddle x reader - Part 1/2
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...i-i dont even know, enjoy this fic that I've been giggling and kicking my feet over Afab reader, has a last name, she/her reader
=
There was a rumor going about school-that apparently had started from a Slughorn party-after party. It was quite outlandish-many didn’t believe it-others hoped it was true and they were the one involved in it.
What was that rumor? Tom Riddle had a crush.
Who was he crushing on? No one knew, all anyone got out of him was the word ‘yes’ when asked if he liked anyone during truth or drink. It had been the first time anyone had seen him blush-his pale cheeks and ears during apple red, his cheeks puffed slightly as he sunk into his chair and sipped at his butterbeer.
Many wondered who started this rumor, and if it was true or not; because Tom had never shown any interest in romance before-boy or girl. He had flirted once or twice-then usually abandoned that tactic when he got what he wanted-which garnered him a playboy title. He really wasn’t; a playboy by definition was someone who didn’t care for personal feelings and had many sexual relationships.
Tom didn’t care for sexual relationships, before now(as the rumor suggested) he hadn’t even had a crush before.
The great hall was a mess of voices, many of them whispering about the rumor and Tom felt eyes on him as he tried to study. It was bloody study hour after all-that usually meant ‘be quiet’ or at least be respectful to those who are trying to study.
“Who do you think it is?” one voice whispered from the Ravenclaw table-which right now had several Slytherin and Hufflepuff sitting at it-since house tables were really only assigned during dinner. “I dunno, I know Olive Hornby hopes it’s her heh-did you see her face when she first heard the rumor?”
“yeah, her eyes lit up like Christmas had come early,”
Tom sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose-heavily regretting not taking a shot when he had been asked that question during the after-party. He had thought-possibly, maybe, it wouldn’t spread about. He had thought what happened at a party-stayed at a party. But he had been wrong, and now his secret was out and being spread like wildfire.
Yes-Tom Riddle had a crush, and he had had it since 4th year. Who? He would never tell; he had hardly admitted it to himself this past summer when he realized why this particular person plagued his thoughts like no other had before-they had even overtaken the chamber and horcruxes in his mind.
Tom was 16 years old, and dealing with liking someone for the first time.
He detested it(he didn’t), he just wanted them to disappear from his mind and life and never have to think of them again(a lie, he wanted nothing but to be around them all the time).
“Honestly, you’d think Tom Riddle is the only boy in existence with how they talk about him,” Tom glanced up from his potions work, seeing Viktoria Klopstock arm In arm with (y/n) Alexander; the two talking about the rumor swirling through the school. (y/n) snorted at Viktoria’s quip and shook her head, catching Tom’s eye for a split moment and smiling at him like she always did.
Tom couldn’t help but stare.
“Well, he is the heartthrob of the school, or did you not say that only a few months ago?” (y/n) teased back, laughing as Viktoria sputtered and glared at (y/n) with flushed cheeks, her pale complexion stark against her dark brown hair. “You-I was simply making an observation!“ (y/n) just hummed in response to Viktoria’s sputter, sitting down with their other friends, Walter Deville and Lucy Billington, and laughing as Viktoria attempted to defend herself over her past comments on Tom.
“Keep telling yourself that Viv, we all know you fancy him,” (y/n) teased and Viktoria just kissed Walter in protest, who chuckled and shook his head, brushing back his dark curly hair. (y/n) tossed her head back while she laughed and Lucy shook her head at her friends, returning her attention to her divination book.
Tom tore his eyes away when (y/n) glanced back at him, swallowing harshly against the dryness of his throat.
Yeah, Tom Riddle had a crush all right, and no one would ever know who it was.
But…
Tom glanced back up-seeing (y/n) still looking at him, seemingly lost in thought and Tom had to look away as he felt heat buildup in the tip of his ears.
He had a feeling it wouldn’t stay a secret for long.
-
“Hey Tom!” Tom forced himself to stay perfectly calm as he turned on his heel to face (y/n), who was walking up to him with her broom in hand-clad in her Slytherin quidditch uniform. “Alexander,” Tom greeted, mentally patting himself on the back as he forced down the waver of his voice. “is there something you need?”
(y/n) shook her head, just smiling, a strand of her hair falling into her eyes. “Not really, just wanted to know if you’ll be at the game this Saturday?” Tom shrugged, he had never been one for quidditch, it was a brutal game that always resulted in pointless injuries. But when he looked at (y/n), who seemed so excited at the prospect of him being at that game(her first game actually, a chaser had gotten injured and she was finally coming off the bench after being on the team for a year), he caved.
“I’ll be there,” Tom said instead of saying he was going to be busy, and (y/n) beamed. Tom couldn’t help the flutter of his chest at the sight of it, meant for him. “what time? I’ve never been to a match, not since first year anyway,” Tom asked and (y/n) happily told him what time the match was, it was Slytherin against Ravenclaw, and he nodded, taking a step back as she went off to practice, giving him one last grin.
“Oh I’m so doomed,” Tom breathed, feeling that now familiar heat travel to his cheeks and ears, catching a glimpse of his apple-red face in the reflective glass of a window. “so doomed.”
To this day-he had trouble figuring out why he was attracted to (y/n), it wasn’t as if she had come out of nowhere, they were in the same year, and same house-and she was a high-class halfblood(pureblood father and halfblood mother), from one of the richest families in the uk-right behind her friends, Deville being the richest of the four.
Tom had noticed her from the start really, while he was walking down the cars of Hogwarts Express, seeing her with her three friends laughing away with her head in Deville’s lap, a chocolate frog in hand. She had seen him and smiled, waving at him shyly.
Tom had just blinked-the socially awkward child he had been-and carefully waved back, then continued down to find an empty car.
Then she just kept showing up, sitting next to him in class, being partnered with him in assignments; always smiling at him and greeting him with a wave. Tom simply got used to her, almost began expecting her really, she was probably the only person in Hogwarts that didn’t annoy him to all hell just by existing.
He supposed that’s how she slipped through the cracks-by not being one of the several banes of his existence.
But then the calm expectancy became heat rushing to his face when she sat down with him in the library to study, butterflies in his chest and gut when she glanced at him, trembling hands when she smiled at him, sharp intakes of breath when her hand rested on his shoulder to pass by him in a busy hall.
Tom was utterly infatuated with her and he had no idea how to handle it, but he dreaded the idea of disappointing her(agreeing to come to a stupid game just so she would be happy), felt the burning pit of jealousy in his gut when someone got far too close to only want friendship(he had never wanted to fist fight someone before then), and had the desperate need to just-hold her hand.
He had never wanted to hold anyone’s hand before.
But then he wanted to be around her all the time, just to stare at her freely, curl his fingers into her hair, touch her lips with his thumb, and bring her into a kiss.
Tom groaned at the thoughts going through his mind, his face burning against his palms as he rubbed his eyes. He was really so doomed, here he was-attempting to unlock all the secrets of the chamber of secrets and become one of the greatest wizards of all time-and he was constantly plagued by thoughts of (y/n) Alexander.
He remembered only a few days ago, after he had been researching horcruxes and the chamber-they had been the only thing resounding through his mind as of late. But with a call of his name and (y/n) asking him if he was okay(he was visibly distracted) Tom had just nodded, feeling his lip quirk up without his control. And for the rest of the day, the only thing he could think of was (y/n) Alexander.
Tom sat down in potions class, getting out all his things, but still-the only thing in his head was (y/n) Alexander. Her eyes, her lips, the curve of her jaw and cheeks, the way her head tossed back when she laughed particularly hard, the curl of her nose when she snarled at Black during practice because he had made one too many comments.
“So doomed,” Tom muttered to himself, getting out his quill and ink well, looking up at Professor Slughorn as he greeted the glass.
Oh to be young and to be in love.
-
The wind from the quidditch pitch threw his hair around-his scarf tucked tightly into his jacket so it didn’t fly away. It was loud, very loud, something Tom expected considering he could hear the crowd from the bloody library sometimes.
“Hello, and welcome to Hogwarts' sixth match of the season! Today’s game, Slytherin vs Ravenclaw!” The respective houses roared with support for their teams, and Tom saw the Slytherin team soar high above the pitch, his eyes drawn to a particular player.
Alexander; 3
She had a wild grin on her face-the wind curling her hair and flushing her face, she zoomed past Black and settled with her teammates as they all gathered in the air. The referee stood at the bottom and said something Tom couldn’t hear and opened the box that sat at her feet; in an instant-the bludgers flew up, along with the snitch.
With a blow of a whistle-the quaffle was tossed into the air and the game began.
(y/n) had snatched it before anyone else could grab it-flying up and over the Ravenclaw’s heads, laughing as they gave chase. She was quick-a blur to the naked eye, but that was the same for the other players, however- there was something about her speed; flying just fast enough to keep out of reach.
She easily made the first score-throwing her first up in victory as the bell rang to announce it. “(y/n) Alexander makes the first score of the game! Ten points to Slytherin!!”
Tom couldn’t keep his eyes off (y/n), her smug smirk giving him those silly butterflies as she flew back into the game, avoiding bludgers and other players with graceful ease. Tom’s knuckles cracked as a bludger came soaring right for her-but she quickly noticed and hooked her elbow around her broom, swinging around, under, and getting back on top within a split moment as the bludger zoomed right where her head had been.
“Holy shit! She’s good!” someone yelled from behind him, the Slytherin crowd cheering loudly as someone scored once again, (y/n) laughing heartily as she caught the quaffle from her teammate and flew off-her grin turning to a glare as she nearly crashed into one of the Ravenclaw chasers.
“It's odd seeing you here!” Someone yelled over the noise of the crowd and Tom spared a glance to see Abraxas-who almost seemed nervous. Tom just shrugged, looking back up and searching for (y/n), who had disappeared from his gaze the moment he looked away.
 “I think I get sports now,” Tom just said(which made Abraxas sputter in confusion because Tom had loathed quidditch before now), finally locking onto (y/n) again, his lip quirking as she snatched the quaffle mid-air, suddenly flying up as two Ravenclaw players tried to slam into her on either side-only to get each other and fly off their brooms.
“oooh!” Nott laughed from behind Abraxas, the crowd watching in tense anticipation as (y/n) continued flying up, and then suddenly-she started free-falling, the quaffle and her broom still tight in hand. Tom tensed-wondering what was going on-but he relaxed as he saw the grin on (y/n)’s face.
Just as she passed by the horde of Ravenclaw players that had been trying to get back the quaffle-she straightened out and headed straight for the pitch, faking out the Ravenclaw keeper and scoring another 10 points.
“That’s another 10 points to Slytherin! They lead Ravenclaw 30 to nothing!”
Tom squinted at the roar of the crowd around him and quickly planted his hands over his ears-it was far too loud for him now, but he didn’t want to leave early-it might make (y/n) disappointed that he left.
At that moment-(y/n) spotted him and she looked overjoyed to see him, waving eagerly. Tom grimaced back and she laughed, tossing her head back like she always did. Tom felt that now familiar heat burn at his ears and he sighed-glad he was covering them at the moment.
No one could say (y/n) Alexander wasn’t a brilliant chaser-through the next half hour the match played-she scored more than half the points Slytherin gained, and snatched the quaffle mid-air as the Ravenclaw chasers attempted to pass it multiple times.
She was quickly becoming a threat, grinning while bludgers and other players tried to knock her off-but she easily dodged each one, even jumping off her broom at one point to avoid a collision.
At one point she went high up-avoiding any players or bludgers and wiped her sweat-soaked face with her jersey, allowing all to see her stomach-which made Tom’s face flush with both jealousy and something else as the crowd whistled at her, some of the boys cat-calling her.
Tom never wanted to hex someone more.
But she caught his eye as she brought down her shirt and grinned, and Tom had a feeling she had done that on purpose-which made him think; why would she? unless she either just wanted to rile him up or…Tom swallowed down the hope in his throat as he thought; (y/n) might’ve done that to get his attention.
Well, she had it-if that’s what she wanted-and Tom doubted she would lose it.
“Rouge bludger!” someone yelled and Tom tore his eyes away, only to comically widen them as a bludger came rocketing towards him-right at him-all of the beaters were on the other side of the field, and Tom wondered how they had hit the dammed thing over to the stands. He felt hands on his shoulder-most likely Abraxas-that tried to pull him down and away-but the bludger was fast and Tom had a feeling he would be spending the next week in the hospital wing.
But something flew right where the bludger had been heading and snatched it out of the air-only feet away from where Tom was standing. He let go of the breath he had been holding and looked over the edge-seeing (y/n) with the bludger in the crook of her arm, it struggled to get out but she had a tight grip. Her face was set in anger-her eyes saying ‘murder’ as she threw the bludger right back at the ones who had accidentally hurled it at Tom-unfortunately being her own team.
She yelled something and even Black seemed to curl under her words-nodding sheepishly with the rest of the team.
Tom felt his stomach flip-flop, his mouth going dry and his face blooming with red as she pointed back towards him and continued to yell-the match being put to a halt while the referee took the rogue bludger and checked it(it was supposed to be bewitched to redirect the moment it went towards the stands)-“you nearly hit Tom!” she yelled over the roar of the wind and crowd, her lip curled into a snarl.
“You all right, my lord?” Abraxas asked, his hands still on Tom’s shoulder, and Tom nodded-eyes locked onto (y/n), who glanced back at him and drew her eyes all over him-nodding when she saw he was perfectly fine.
“Just fIne,” Tom said, ignoring the way his voice cracked like it did when he hit puberty. Abraxas frowned but nodded, the match soon resuming.
Tom really understood sports now, he really did-because that was really really hot.
The crowd started to chatter-all about (y/n), about how she caught a bludger(which-Tom learned just now-were made of IRON?!) going full speed and continued to hold it with one hand-even as it attempted to escape.
Tom realized that’s maybe why Black looked so sheepish-(y/n) had caught and held onto a 150-ish pound iron ball with no injury(to his knowledge), she was not a witch to be trifled with.
And Tom’s heart and stomach did another flip, his eyes once again on (y/n) as she used her anger to score three more times, and finally; the snitch was caught by the Slytherin seeker-ending the game.
Slytherin had won by a landslide, 240 to 60.
The Slytherin crowd exploded into cheers as the other houses booed or left the field in defeat, and from the stands-Tom could see Black hold out his hand to (y/n), and offer her the main chaser position. She grinned and took his head, her eyes turning a bit sharp as she tightened her grip, and Tom’s stomach did one last flip as he saw Black wince.
“Oh I'm so bloody doomed,” Tom muttered to himself over the blaring cheers of the crowd-turning on his heel as he saw the Slytherin team make their way off the pitch.
He didn’t even bother to look behind him to see if Abraxas and Nott were following-they always did. He made it down the rickety stairs in record time, panting slightly as he caught his breath-seeing (y/n) with the team making their way back to the castle.
Tom swallowed harshly, seeing McLaggen waltzing up to her, looking all too smug for Tom’s taste. “Alexander!” Tom called out right when McLaggen opened his mouth-both (y/n) and McLaggen looking shocked to hear her name from Tom’s mouth.
From behind him-he could feel the bewilderment from Abraxas and Nott. But (y/n) smiled at him, her hair wind-swept and cheeks slowly cooling back down, sweat drying on her face and neck. Tom licked his lips, feeling his ears start to burn as she waved off her team and walked towards him-broomstick in hand. “Tom!” she said, grinning still, leaning on her broomstick as she stopped in front of him and tilted her head. “How’d you like your first game since first year?”
“Good-great-you,” Tom cleared his throat-suddenly very nervous, his throat dry and ears burning, his usual calm and collected behavior nowhere to be seen. (y/n) bit her lip a bit-something that made Tom’s brain fumble and he paused in his words.
Oh, yes, he was gone for this girl.
“You-you played great, can’t say I’ve seen a better chaser,” Tom finished his sentence, breathing slowly as (y/n) just grinned, her eyes twinkling.
“Thank you, but you also don’t have many other chasers to compare me to, for all you know-I could be dog-shit.” Tom found himself snorting and shaking his head at (y/n)’s lack of elegant words, waving his hand towards the pitch. “Believe me, I saw enough from your teammates and the Ravenclaw chasers-you were the best on the field.”
(y/n) laughed, her head tossing back with the action and Tom found himself staring, his gaze softening as (y/n) continued to giggle as she calmed down, shaking her head as she bit her lip. “Honestly Tom, you’re funnier than others give you credit for,” Tom just hummed, he thought he was hilarious.
Thankfully, (y/n) seemed to think so too. Tom opened his mouth again, glancing around-seeing McLaggen staring daggers into him-but he quickly looked away when he caught Tom’s eye. “I just wanted to say, thank you for catching that bludger, I would probably be in the hospital wing right now if it weren’t for you,” Tom said with his usual charming grin, patting himself on the back for returning to his normal behavior.
(y/n) nodded and clapped his arm once, sending fire through his veins at her touch-his mouth going dry again. “Like I was gonna let it hit you, but, you’re welcome Tom. What would the world be like without your pretty face?” (y/n) teased and Tom’s mind went blank.
“You think I’m pretty?” Tom asked, his voice cracking slightly as his jaw went slack, the flush on his ears growing towards his cheeks as (y/n) nodded with a grin, her eyes sparkling still. He knew most of the students of Hogwarts found him attractive-but to know (y/n) thought he was pretty-wow…just-wow.
“Yeah, I do,” (y/n) breathed out, her eyes traveling his face and Tom didn’t mind being looked at like that for the first time. Usually, he hated being studied like he was just a pretty thing to look at-but-if it was (y/n)? he wouldn’t mind being studied all day.
“uh-cool,” Tom muttered back-shaking his head. Cool? Cool?! Just-cool? ugh, how lame was he?! “um-did, any chance you would like to go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend?” Tom asked, eyes going wide at what tumbled out of his mouth, where did that come from?!
He could feel the shock and disbelief from Abraxas and Nott-considering Tom had not shown interest in anyone ever, and now was suddenly asking out (y/n) Alexander.
And then they realized; this was the girl Tom had admitted to liking at the after-party, and they grinned at each other while they watched Tom practically make a fool of himself in front of his crush. (y/n) seemed to come to this realization as well, and she stuttered for a moment, blinking quickly before she nodded, stepping closer to Tom. “I would love to, um, three broomsticks? I know a corner in there that’s nice and quiet?”
Tom nodded-he really didn’t go to Hogsmeade often, he found nothing of interest there. But he supposed now there was someone of interest there worth going for-especially if she already had a place for them to go that was quiet and secluded, just how he liked it. “Sounds good,” Tom breathed, a smile growing on his face that had (y/n) staring at him, and her smile grew, reaching to her eyes.
God, he never stood a chance, did he?
“Great, I’ll-I’ll see you then,” (y/n) said, her voice wavering with excitement and Tom nodded, his hands behind his back as (y/n) skipped back with a grin, waving goodbye and then running towards her friends who had been waiting for her, and Tom couldn’t help his smile when she screamed and jumped into Viktoria’s arms. “Tom Riddle asked me out!!!”
“You just asked (y/n) Alexander out,” Abraxas said from behind Tom and Tom whirled around, very aware that his face was bright red and he was grinning like a madman. “yeah-I did….I have no idea how to go on a date,” Tom said after a short pause, still grinning-he couldn’t stop.
Abraxas just laughed and Nott stared, unsure of how to handle any of this. “We’ll help, my lord.”
-
The next week passed by both quickly and all too slowly. Nerves jumbled about in Tom’s gut as the weekend came ever closer, he could hardly focus in classes-all he could think about was (y/n). God, he had actually asked her out-after nearly two years of staring and (unknowing) yearning, he was going on a date with the first person he had ever felt attracted to. His stomach had been doing somersaults all week at the thought of her, of their upcoming date-and the idea that it might turn into…something more.
The Chamber and his Horcrux research had been pulled off the stove-only (y/n) Alexander remained.
His followers were-no help. They just made him more nervous will all the “advice” they gave him.
“Don’t be overbearing,”(duh?)
“Don’t only talk about yourself, girls hate that,”(also duh)
“But don’t ask about her too much she’ll get overwhelmed,”(Tom was beginning to doubt these knuckleheads had ever gone on a date)
“make sure to order for her, girls like it when a man takes charge,”(yeah he wasn’t going to take Black’s advice)
“be cool and aloof-like you always are really,” (Tom thought (y/n) liked it when he fumbled a bit honestly, she seemed charmed when he was making a fool of himself asking her out.)
But really, Walter Deville had the best advice for Tom when the time came around for the date-he took Tome aside as he passed by him in the hall, giving a stern look to Tom’s followers who were ready to protest. “Look, Tom, I’m going to give it to you straight, (y/n) is a lady, you must remember that, but she is not judgmental, she does not care for your background nor your status.” Tom felt some of the nerves in his gut decrease a bit-but Walter wasn’t done. “She likes you, Tom, she really does like you, but she has a very high standard-not out of training from her mother or the family, but for herself, if you do not treat her with kindness and be a false version of yourself around her; she will drop you quicker than a basilisk can kill. Treat her well, and treat her kindly, or you will regret it.”
Tom swallowed at the last bit-very much hearing the seriousness in Walter’s voice. It wasn’t a ‘we will hurt you if you hurt her,’ it was ‘she will hurt you if you hurt her,’ and Tom didn’t doubt she would. “Clear?” Waler asked, grinning as Tom nodded. “Crystal,” Tom muttered, stumbling forward as Walter laughed and slapped Tom’s back.
“Oh don’t be so grim! I have faith in you, Tom,” With another pat on Tom’s back, Walter walked off, and Tom was just as nervous as he was before.
-
Tom had very few outfits, he had his uniform and its extra pants, shirts, and vests, his uniform from the orphanage, a suit(a gift from the Malfoys for a Christmas party from last year), and very little extra. He ended up wearing the suit because he didn’t think anything else fit the situation.
He hoped (y/n) wouldn’t be put off by the lack of casualty, but he had an inkling she wouldn’t mind at all.
She didn’t, her eyes traveling his well-dressed form with appreciation and a heat that made Tom’s ears burn, coughing slightly into his fist. “hi,” she said quietly, stepping closer to him as he waited for her by the carriages to Hogsmeade. “hello,” Tom said back, his lip quirking. (y/n) Alexander looked-breath taking, her skirt flowing gently in the late fall breeze.
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“You look very handsome,” (y/n) said with a soft smile, her hands moving up to tug at his suit jacket, holding each side with both hands and getting a better look at what lay beneath the jacket. “Thank you, you look-“ Tom could hardly finish his sentence, just letting out a slow breath that had (y/n) giggling, her smile growing.
“let’s get going, shall we?” (y/n) asked, taking Tom’s arm as he offered it and he nodded, leading her to a carriage and helping her inside like the gentleman he was; taking the seat from across her-the two falling into a comfortable conversation as the carriage went off to Hogsmeade.
(y/n) indeed had a quiet corner for the two of them, hidden away from the noise and tucked away from sight, letting them talk quietly and share small smiles and glances they didn’t have to worry about others seeing.
Tom, quite honestly, had never expected to have such fun on a date; he never expected to go on a date ever really. But here he was, on one with (y/n) Alexander, at the three broomsticks; drinking butterbeer and sharing an appetizer.
Tom could hardly keep track of what they talked about-but he felt himself grow more comfortable and his nerves almost disappear the longer they sat there. Tom chuckled at something she said and she stared-smirking a bit as Tom cleared his throat at her gaze-his ears burning. “I like your laugh,” she muttered, leaning on her arm, her eyes burning into his soul.
“Thank you,” Tom muttered, licking his lips nervously, which were quirking up into a smile that mirrored (y/n)’s gentle one. “You don’t laugh often, do you? At least not genuinely.” (y/n) asked, tilting her head a bit and Tom shrugged.
“Not much that I find genuinely funny, really,” Tom muttered, rolling his jaw a bit but (y/n) just laughed, biting her lip. “Suppose you find me funny then? Good, wouldn’t do us any good if you didn’t.” Tom laughed gently again, but nodded in agreement.
“I do,” Tom mumbled, hiding his slight flush behind his glass of Butterbeer. (y/n)’s soft grin widened and Tom’s blush darkened a bit, drifting his eyes away from (y/n)’s gaze. God he was absolutely gone for this girl, he really never stood a chance.
They talked for a bit longer, and (y/n) eventually gave him a look that made him go quiet, tilting his head in curiosity. “this is your first date, right?” she asked and Tom slowly nodded. “yes, I’ve never been interested in anyone else,” Tom said honestly and (y/n) glanced away with a chuckle, hiding her grin in her shoulder.
“I don’t suppose it’s yours though,” Tom said, glancing down at his hands. (y/n) nodded, but then shrugged. “Yes, but this is the first date I actually wanted to be on though, so-you’ve already made top marks.”
Tom frowned, glancing up at (y/n) who was shifting in her seat. “Wanted to be on?” Tom asked curiously and (y/n) nodded, glancing down at her watch.
“Yes, my mother likes to set me up on dates hoping i'll find a suitor that adheres to my tastes-but I have yet to find one in the ones she sends. Usually, they’re all pompous bores who couldn’t care less about me other than my money and what status they’ll gain by being with me,” Tom slowly nodded, hoping she didn’t think he was doing the same thing.
Honestly-half the time he forgot (y/n) was an Alexander, or was more well known as Lady (y/n) Alexander, and not the amazing girl he had been crushing on since 3rd year and had only realized it the previous summer.
“Why is she setting you up on dates?” Tom asked, leaning back in his chair, his face set into a perfect calm. (y/n) sighed, leaning into her palm, her eyes distant. “She wishes for me to marry by twenty, something about heirs and my duty as Lady Alexander,” Tom swallowed the pit in his throat, his eyes drawing down. He knew (y/n) did not care for status and money, but her parents most likely did, and Tom was not a man of status-even if he was descended directly from Slytherin, and from his limited research, his father was of the high class.
But Tom had no money, and his father had no knowledge of him-besides, Tom had no want for that acknowledgment.
“Tom,” he looked up, and swallowed again as (y/n) reached across the table and took his folded hands with a smile. “things like status and money do not matter to my family, my mother just wishes for me to be taken care of if anything should happen to the Alexander fortune. Most of all she wishes for me to find love, to be treated kindly, and be held dearly; if I married a poor man with nothing to his name-if all he could give me was his heart and soul-my family would be overjoyed that I had found a man like that.”
Tom just stared, that pit in his throat only growing heavier as he blinked back a burn in his eyes. “Oh,” Tom breathed instead of responding, his cheeks flushing as (y/n) smiled at him. His heart was beating out of his chest-trying to hop into (y/n)’s hands and be kept.
He was so-fucking-doomed.
-
“Is-is he smiling? Actually smiling?” Black asked quietly as he, Abraxas, Nott and Mulciber all watched as Tom walked through Hogsmeade with (y/n) Alexader tucked into his side, the two holding hands and talking quietly-both of them smiling.
“Yep, he’s smiling…” Abraxas muttered, leaning against a wall and watching as the two new lovebirds walked past, (y/n) tugging Tom into honey-dukes with shining eyes as Tom chuckled fondly.
“He is gone gone for her,” Avery said as he walked up, hands in his pockets. The other boys nodded; they had a feeling certain planned things had quickly gone down the drain all thanks to (y/n) Alexander.
Oh, the things Love can change.
-one year later-
 Tom was very sure he was deeply in love with (y/n) Alexander, for one year after they began dating-she stood with him in the chamber of secrets, discovering his past, all his darkest desires and wishes-and was not deterred by any of it. If anything-her affection towards him seemed to grow, for as he spoke to open the chamber, she stepped closer, carefully watching his lips as he spoke parseltongue. She immediately closed her eyes and let him guide her as he summoned the basilisk-putting her utmost faith and trust in him as he placed her hand upon its scaley nose.
Tom had never felt more love for her and had never felt more love from her for him, he had trusted her with his deepest secrets over the last year as they dated, even his wish to become immortal, even his fear of letting love into his heart.
And she never shied away, she never shunned him, she only took his hands and held him close-guiding him through the pitch-black maze of his mind. He even told her about his plan for Horcruxes.
He ended up with a dead stare and a long sigh. “That’s-quite honestly Tom, so stupid.” She muttered and Tom frowned, taking a step back but she stopped him and took his face, giving him a smile that was slightly strained. “I do not think of you any different, but dark magic such as that is not worth it, yes your soul will live on but it will be shattered and disfigured, leaving you with ultimately a cursed life and weaker magic because it is so strained across the separated souls. If you wish to live forever-I will be by your side, but horcruxes are a stupid and simply bad idea.”
Tom…honestly couldn’t argue with that. (y/n) smiled and pecked the corner of his lips, which made Tom want to tilt his head slightly so he could kiss her properly-but at that point they hadn’t had their first kiss yet. “Promise me you’ll drop the idea of it? Horcruxes?” (y/n) asked gently, still holding his face, looking into his eyes.
Tom nodded immediately, he would do anything for (y/n), anything. She smiled and kissed his cheek again, moving her hands down to grab his and guiding him from the chamber and back up to Hogwarts. Tom only felt a slight pit of guilt in his gut, since last year, just before school ended-he had attempted to create a Horcrux by using the chamber, but it had eventually slipped his mind as (y/n) took over all thoughts of his plans for it.
But he had never truly opened the chamber of secrets-and he would keep his promise to (y/n), he would find a way to become immortal, and he would share it with his (y/n) Alexander, so they would be together forever.
-
Tom took a deep breath that rattled in his chest as he stood before (y/n)’s father's office doors in the Alexander mansion, it was the spring break of their final year, and Tom had been invited over since he was dating the heiress to the fortune. In his pocket, he had a small box that contained a silver ring with a small obsidian piece mounted atop-it was all he could afford with the money he scrapped from his last year of stipend from the Hogwarts fund.
It helped that (y/n) had insisted on buying him new robes and taking care of this year's curriculum items-as a gift for becoming head boy. He had tried to deny it all but with a stubborn huff from his beloved (y/n) Alexander, Tom relented with a soft smile and sigh, following her around as she bought his books and whatever else he might need.
Tom took another deep breath-nerves settled deep in his stomach and knocked on Lord Alexander's office door. “Come in, come in,” He called and Tom opened the door and stepped inside, giving a polite nod to John Alexander-the father of his girlfriend(and hopefully soon to be, fiancée)
“Tom, how nice to see you, how can I help you son?” John said with a grin, putting down his quill and setting his intertwined hands on the desk, giving Tom a warm grin. Tom opened his mouth a few times, and then shut it-unsure of how to say anything. The Alexanders were one the top families of both the muggle world and wizarding world, the Deville’s being the top dogs really, was Tom really going to soil their family line? To bring a bastard son into their practically royalty family?
Yes, yes he was-because he loved (y/n) and he didn’t want to let her go to some-rude rich boy who didn’t know how to love her correctly. “i-I was hoping,” Tom started, clearing his throat as his voice cracked. John’s smile only grew, seemingly knowing what Tom was about to ask. “if…” Tom took another deep breath, straightening his back and looking Lord Alexander in the eye. “I was hoping you would approve of me asking for your daughter’s hand in marriage.” Tom got out in one breath, his jaw clicking as Lord Alexander just stared at him, that warm smile still there-but a twinkle in his eye that made Tom nervous.
“i-I love her dearly Lord Alexander. I do not have money, and I have no status to offer her, nor do I have a proud lineage or background, but I would love her for the rest of my life, and beyond it. I know there are many men who you would prefer her to marry but-“ Tom was stopped with a hand to a shoulder, and he hadn’t realized he had been staring at his shoes. Tom looked up, seeing John-beaming.
“I would be honored if my daughter married a good man like you Tom, you love her dearly and that is all I could wish for my little girl, as does her mother. You have my blessing Tom Riddle; you’ve had it since we first met.” Tom, actually felt like crying-staring wide-eyed at John, who chuckled and opened his arms for a hug-knowing Tom didn’t like to be touched without permission. Tom stepped into his arms and squeezed, a few tears escaping his closed eyes as John hugged him tightly. “Welcome to the family Tom, I cannot wait to call you my son.”
Tom smiled into John’s shoulder, sniffing slightly as John patted his back and took a step back. “Thank you sir, I’ll cherish her forever,” Tom said quietly, smiling still as John nodded-patting Tom’s shoulder again.
“I know you will, now come on, I think the girls are outside having lunch.” Tom nodded and turned on his heel-unable to keep the smile off his face as he walked outside to the patio to see his girlfriend(hopefully soon to be fiancée) sitting under the sun with her mother, Viktoria, and Lucy, the four sharing a plate of snacks and tea by the pool.
“Tom~” (y/n) sang, holding out her hands to him and he quickly walked over to her-giving one last thankful smile to John before taking his beloved (y/n)’s hands, stepping close and moving his other hand to her shoulder as she leaned against him. “How nice for you two to join us! We were just talking about you,”
“Good things I hope,” Tom joked, obeying (y/n)’s tug as she made him sit down with her on the chair, his gaze and smile softening as she chattered away John mirroring Tom’s position as he sat with his wife. “of course,” (y/n) said with a tone that meant she was lying and not trying to hide it, and Tom sighed shaking his head fondly.
Oh, how he loved (y/n) Alexander and had never expected it.
Perhaps it was a good thing he had let it slip he had a crush at the Slughorn after-party last year. If he hadn’t-he didn’t think he would’ve gained the courage to ask (y/n) out after that fated quidditch match.
-end-
Part 2 - its just fluff lol
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selarina ¡ 1 year ago
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This is Part 2 because you guys asked
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This florist guy is a peculiar lanky character, who later revealed himself as Gojo Satoru, who is apparently the son of a rich guy, the grandson a rich guy. He descended from a whole lineage of rich men and women, and so, it seemed particularly odd that this scion of affluence was was cooped up in a barely running florist shop.
So, you didn’t end up texting the guy after he cheekily slipped his number on the card but you did get rather… intrigued?
There’s something so strange and unreal about him. Apart from the oddity, the lankiness, the outright boldness that could only be a result of a privileged upbringing, he’s also interested in you — and boldly so. It’s never truly happened to you before, even your current boyfriend took about 6 whole months of weighing out the pros and cons before asking you out. It feels nice, you do suppose.
You’re lounging on your bed, the red roses from the shop lying beside you on your bed table almost dead from the rejection of the apology you gave. And honestly, you thought not to put waste to such pretty flower. You intended to put it into a vase or an empty bottle but you never ended up doing it. It’s funny how you’ve managed to neglect them over the past few days. It seems like a cruelly fitting metaphor of your relationship.
you: remember that florist guy
yue: sighh
yue: yeah you haven’t shut up about him all week if you haven’t noticed
you: shut up i only mentioned him like twice
you: anyway
you: i’m pretty sure he told me he wished my boyfriend died
yue: WHAT
yue: he’s just like me fr <3
You sighed. He is just like her. She’s never liked your boyfriend and saw right through him to be the facade of a temporary high school relationship based on nothing but superficial optics that would hurt at least one of you on the way.
But now, at the very least, she felt safe knowing it won’t be you, regardless of how cruel and selfish that may be. She always prioritised only the people around her. It’s something you admire about her, you wish you could care about the people around you as much as she did.
You mulled over the prospect of texting the florist, Gojo Satoru. For starters, he’s clearly interested in you, and you’re clearly in an odd limbo of a relationship and the ethics of that are well… pretty grey. And also, he came off strong, bold and you’re just meh. The first taste of your bitter sweetness and he’ll run.
A week passes, the withering roses sit comfortably at the bottom of your trash bin, amid ruffled paper, tissues and other junk alike. You stil find yourself thinking about Gojo Satoru, pondering whether you should send him a message.
If he's going to run away, you reasoned, you don't see the harm. Well, you do see the harm for your current relationship but again, he's going to run. So, it doesn't truly matter. So, you text him.
---
A week elapsed, and you received no text back, it started to eat you alive just a bit. The single checkmark next to your message mocked you every time you opened the chat. Did he give you a dead phone number? Was he just being nice?
It's all too odd, and the memory of you meeting the guy starts to feel like something you made up. You try not to dwell on it much, focusing on school, chores, sports, friends. Yet, after exhausting these distractions, you found yourself lying in bed, bones growing drowsy, thinking and dreaming about the man.
So, several days later, you do something slightly insane. Some might argue it was the most sane course of action, namely... Yue. But who cares? You're the only one here to judge.
You really, truly do not have interest in him but you do find yourself slowly taking the long route back home, walking past the flower shop every chance you get this week. But you always made sure to maintain a distance, choosing to walk on the other side of road, because like you said before — you aren't interested, just curious really.
And it would truly insane if this meant anything because he's just some guy you met while buying roses for your boyfriend.
You start to notice the little things about the shop itself — how it seems perpetually quiet, how the flowers displayed outside changing is the only sign of it being active, and then you eventually manage to catch a glimpse of Satoru inside, tending to the blooms like he's a practiced still from a movie.
You started to wonder if he was purposefully ignoring you. His quaint and unpopular shop always seemed devoid of customers. What did he do with all his time? From all the times you have crossed past the shop, not a single one of these instances has had any customers in them.
And one day, you decide to finally go back into the shop. No excuses prepared, you decide to make it all up as you go.
"Thought you'd never come in," he greeted you with a grin, leaning casually against the counter as if posing for a photograph.
You turned to scan every corner of the shop, checking to see if anyone else was present, reluctant to divulge your teenage romantic conundrum to an audience.
But to your relief, the shop was empty, save for the two of you.
You turned back to Satoru, noticing how his signature black sunglasses lay perched on the bridge of his nose. That's another one of those unusual things you've noticed about him, how he's always wearing his glasses.
One day you got late at school, having stayed back to hang some posters, so when you walked back you noticed the man still donning his glasses, even though the night had already set itself in the sky. You didn't understand why he would wear them. Perhaps, he has an eye condition.
"So, you didn't reply to my text," you say, striving for a casual tone as you pocketed your hands and approached the counter. You try to ignore the implications of him knowing you were walking past here all week.
He doesn't say anything, tilting his head, before he startles you by taking off into the backroom.
You wait there, confused, staring at the silent flowers beside you, as you wait and you wait.
He reemerged with a bag, rummaging through it for something? His phone, maybe?
Yes, his phone. "Right! Sorry! Sorry, I had my phone off," he explained, his eyes focused on his loading phone.
"You have one... right here," you remarked, removing your hand from your pocket and pointing at another phone resting on the counter.
He chuckles, "Huh, yeah. I do have another phone, but that's more for business stuff. My personal phone is the one you texted," he clarified, nodding toward the device in his hands.
"I see," you replied plainly, slipping your hand back into your pocket.
"I'm sorry for not responding. How about I make it up to you over some Mochi?" he grins. "Today? Right now?"
"Whoa, hold on. I didn't agree to go on a date with you. Remember, I have a boyfriend," you reminded him.
"Right," he grits with restrained chuckle. "Well, I didn't ask you out on a date. Just Mochi."
You can't help but raise an eyebrow at his response, amused by his persistence.
"Just Mochi, huh? Are you always this forward with all your customers?" you tease, finding yourself intrigued by him and all his boldness and audacity.
"Well, you're not really a customer today. Unless, you want to buy me flowers before our date?" he grins, abandoning his apron, as he comes from behind the counter.
"Hey! I said this wasn't a date," you find yourself yelling back at him, leaving only a slew of chortles as a response from him.
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rivangel ¡ 2 months ago
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(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ Levi Month - Day 6+31 ♥
⇨ love at first sight & reincarnation
♡ ship ⇨ student!Levi x student!fem!Reader (college/reincarnation au)
♡ content ⇨ reincarnation // meet-cute // silly // first kiss
♡ word count ⇨ ~0.8k
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Classes, classes…
Levi catches himself on autopilot as he nears the stairwell. Well. He has fifteen minutes to walk across the damn courtyard, so he might have time to zone out.
Next semester is his last before he graduates.
His uncle always says that he should find something more to think about, but it’s not like he cares about school nearly as much as what his mom wants for him. As if he’d take Kenny’s advice in general…
But he hasn’t found a real, greater purpose, or not yet.
He approaches the next flight of stairs, from the second to the third floor.
And.
One, it's a godly miracle he'd drifted to the left side of the stairwell because he's the type of guy who stays in his lane, and two how lucky you are that the landing has more in common with the wall than the next flight. The fact neither of you cracked your heads open is on him.
For protecting you when you fall.
Your bag catches on the jutting start of the railing. He opens his mouth too late before you cry out and stumble, so he's even quicker to storm up the stairs, his boots slapping the concrete and his arm thrown out to grab you. Then you collide.
You go rolling for a few seconds—feels much much longer than that—before his back hits the unforgiving wall hard enough to really make him pay attention. He's not so quick to move either, distracted as if all his body is yelling its anger at him about this bruise as it forms in real time.
You are a completely different story, rushing to apologize over and over as quick as you are to at least get him sitting up. It's not so easy.
"I'm so sorry!!—Hey, I'm a nurse major, so I can help you."
"No... I'm fine. Watch your feet next time."
"Um, I doubt that..."
You trail off strangely.
He goes to scoff, winces instead. Just as quick as he was to say he's fine—split-second quick—he wants to get out of here. He's sitting, still on the nasty concrete floor. First order of business while bracing his back like an old man is to stand up.
But that urge—even that—blanks along with the rest of his head when he opens his eyes, sees that weird look on your face matching his. It’s like someone just died.
Even the pain is vanquished in the stern beam of memory.
Has to be when he doesn't exist inside his own body, or not really, not for several seconds.
(Hange once told him that the notion of dreaming all night is always wrong, 100% of the time; they more likely than not take place in a minute or two in some deep depth of sleep. That's kind of how this is.)
A voice shouts something down from the top of the steps, alarming you both wearing matching expressions of terror, or a close relative to it. Worried. What happened?
Funny: you both lived through hell, and died, and now you're here. That is "what happened".
He can’t remember shouting anything back to the random (intruding) guy, only that you didn’t. He wouldn’t know it if the ground cracked open under his feet unless you told him, but neither of you would’ve noticed.
Out of the stairwell, you come to some empty hall as if it's any day where you've known each other since forever.
“You, a nursing major?” is all he can think to say.
“…Well I lied a little. Physical therapy, actually… Ah.” You laugh, straightening your skirt before fixing him with a blushing sheepish smile. “You’re not mad at me, are you? …Levi?”
“Huh?”
You really are beautiful. More beautiful, somehow, flourished so far beyond the pitiful potential your previous life begrudgingly allotted; when you gave it an inch, it took a mile and bathed you in blood while it was at it.
But here you are. And here he is.
“You must be with someone,” he says, neither here nor there, the way it sounds. There’s a crease between his stressed brow and he has no idea what to do with his hands.
“—Huh?? You dummy. Even if I was”—you step up to him—“c’mon, Levi.”
“Tch.”
Your eyes light up. “Wait, what about you? Can I kiss you?”
“Don’t ask,” he tells you, cups your jaw just like he used to do—then struck by the press of your skin, as if by static electricity—and tilts his head up.
You slam your lips against his, consuming, and bright, and perfect again.
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Levi month masterlist | More Levi
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crazylittlejester ¡ 1 month ago
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LU Links as things I did in the month of September (except two weeks late because i forgot to post it and it’s been rotting in my drafts-)
Time: Sat in the gamestop parking lot for TWO full hours waiting for the store to open so he could get the game he preordered because he thought the line would be super fucking long and he made a friend come with him and wait because he NEEDED his game, but he didn’t wanna get lonely. No one showed up till like 10 minutes too and at that point he’d gotten so distracted he ended up last in a line of 5 people and he was really upset about it
Warriors: Got bit by a mosquito and had a severe reaction to it but because he whines and complains about everything all the time people were just kinda like “yeah I’m sure it DOES bother you dude” but it was genuinely so bad he was on 3 meds for a week, had an allergic reaction, and had to go to urgent care. And on his way to said urgent care a lady told him he looked sad and handed him a 10$ IKEA coupon. When people in his life actually saw the size of the bite they were horrified
Twilight: Looked at his dog and cried because he didn’t understand why such a little creature would love him enough to fall asleep outside his room waiting for him to wake up in the morning
Sky: Stood outside in a rainstorm with his head down staring at his bare ass feet in his sandals that were getting absolutely soaked and decided he maybe DIDNT need to get the mail just then, but then slipped and ate shit in the garage because his shoes were wet
Hyrule: Drove 40 minutes for a can of pringles and three 3 musketeers bars. Intended to ration them out over the course of three days, but ate them all in one sitting and then got sad about it
Legend: Realized he can’t be sad if he’s screaming to FNAF songs in the car, and then realized yes he CAN be sad because FNAF songs remind him of his best friend who he really fucking misses. Now he listens to podcasts in the car because he will start tearing up if he listens to music in general while he drives
Wild: Spontaneously drove to a different state on a Thursday afternoon and the fact that it was a Thursday fucked with his internal calendar and for the rest of the weekend he was mentally one day off. But it ended up being great for him because he woke up and cried Monday morning but then realized it was actually Sunday and no he DIDNT have to go to school
Four: Ate so much chocolate he made himself sick and unfortunately this happened while all his housemates were out so he just had to lay there pathetically wishing he at least wasn’t lonely while suffering
Wind: Wakes up every god damn day and choses NOT to eat his dnd dice. It is a STRUGGLE. They look so fucking edible…
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targaryen-dynasty ¡ 1 year ago
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CHOPPERS.
Part 1 of The Devil You Know
Biker!Aemond Targaryen x fem!Reader
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Today felt like the first calm shift you had in weeks… or at least that‘s what you thought until two unexpected guests stepped into Choppers.
WORDS: 3.3 K
WARNINGS: There's just too much testosterone in this chapter, mentions of injuries (cut lip), a bit of swearing, otherwise it‘s harmless
NOTES: Aemond seems a bit soft in this, BUT I can tell that’s not how he’s going to be all the time. Credit for the photo of Tommy with tatts goes to @/eatheruniverse. Dividers made by @firefly-graphics.
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King’s Landing was the sort of place where you either had two houses or two jobs, and since you were currently wiping down the counter of Choppers and had no fancy–and ridiculously expensive–motorcycle parked in front of the bar, you clearly belonged to the latter. 
The venue was busier than usual with several members of the Savage Dragons filling the tables and bar, and the smell of alcohol, cigarettes and leather hung thick in the air. Old school rock boomed off the jukebox in the corner, and the atmosphere was relaxed, making the shift one of the easiest you had in weeks. 
At least that was what you thought until raised voices drew attention to one of the tables closest to the door, a familiar mop of brown hair involved and two other men you hadn’t seen that often before. In times like these, you were grateful to work with Cregan, because wherever that hunk of a man went, every turmoil was smothered within seconds. 
When you turned around to meet his eyes from where he was drawing some beers, you merely had to wrinkle your nose with a ‘pretty please?’ leaving your lips to coax him from behind the counter. 
“I’ll take care of it,” he sighed, and nodded towards the tap, “Need two more for Alyn and Addam. Could you, please?” Making a swift change, you took his place behind the tap, while he dried off his hands and threw the rag over his broad shoulder, walking around the counter. 
“Cole! Lannister!” his deep voice rang out, perfectly audible despite the music still playing, “You fuckin’ know not to start shit on my shift. Get your asses outta here before they meet my foot.“ There had been a few encounters with them before, and each one had been won by Cregan. 
Thanks to you working at the bar for quite some time now, your eyes managed to flicker between the scene unfolding in front of you and the tap, making sure not one drop of beer got spilled and the foam head was evenly and neither too thick nor too thin. 
Even before Cregan reached their table, the men held their hands up in defeat, getting up to head towards the door. 
“What are they even doing here? The posh lifestyle getting too boring?” you looked from Cregan and Jace to your friend Baela. She leaned over the counter, fishing for one of the beers you’d poured. You swatted her hand away, pulling the pints towards the edge of the counter, before crouching down to pull the first aid kit from the cabinet below. 
“Well, technically, your father hasn’t banned them from entering the bar,” you noted, raising one eyebrow at her as you slid the kit across the counter toward Cregan so he could tend to the cut on Jace’s lip. 
She slumped into the bar stool while you hurried around the counter with both beers in hand, sighing in an exaggerated manner, “Fuck, I know, I’ve been telling him for months now, but he’s not doing it.”
You meandered through the crowd of people and placed the pints in front of the silver haired brothers, walking back to get behind the counter again. “I don’t know what has happened between you, and I really don’t care, but just because your cousins left the gang and started their own doesn’t mean they should be banned,” you said, grabbing a rag to wipe off the tap. “They’re still your family, and the few members of Dracarys that come here have been nothing short of calm–unless they’re provoked by a certain someone.” You shamelessly glanced over to Jace, who just shrugged his shoulders. 
“We don’t wanna have them here, and if that’s the only way to make it clear to them, I’ll keep going until they understand. They’re nothing but a bunch of elitist assholes,” the president retorted. 
You’re just as elitist as they are, was the comeback you wanted to say but stifled by biting your tongue, because they were the ones kind of taking you in and accepting you in their gang, even though you didn’t own a motorcycle and weren’t a member of their tribe. You enjoyed the company of the Savage Dragons, and you’d been around Baela even before your first shift at Choppers, but they had no idea what it meant to grow up in King’s Landing’s lower class and to work for your money. 
You handed Baela a freshly poured beer, throwing the rag over your shoulder in the same manner Cregan did before, who was already nursing a bourbon. 
“Didn’t you come by motorcycle?” 
“One does no harm,” he said, “besides, there's at least six hours left ‘till closing time.”
“How did I end up here?” you asked rhetorically, and pinched the bridge of your nose. Because you were looking for a new job, and Baela’s father was looking for a waitress. 
Cregan smiled in a teasing manner, “Don’t you enjoy being a Dragon, sweetheart?”
You tilted your head to the side as you met his brown eyes, cocking an eyebrow at him. “Just because I work here with you,” you nod in his direction, referring to the cut-off that hung on the knob of the cabinet with various patches of flames and dragons sewn onto it, and their gang’s logo patched on the back, “and occasionally ride shotgun doesn’t mean I’m part of your gang. I don’t own a bike and never will.”
The bull of a man just raised his hands as if he didn’t mean to offend you, though the cheeky smirk he held on his lips made it clear he didn’t hold it against you. “Just teasin’, sugar, we know you aren’t.” Sometimes the nicknames he gave you came so random that they really made you blush, and totally not because you had a little crush on him. Cregan was barely three years older than you, but he somehow had upped his flirting game to the point he just radiated daddy vibes. And you didn’t want to know what he was up to when he wasn’t working or taking his Triumph out for a ride with the Dragons. 
Hearing his name being called in the distance, you both looked up to meet the violet eyes of Alyn, who was holding up two fingers while pointing towards the two empty pints standing in front of them. Sometimes you wondered if they just chugged it the second the drinks were served. 
“After you,” you mirrored his cheeky grin and extended your arm, pointing towards the tap. 
The brunette scoffed and shook his head, but not in a derogatory manner. He trailed past you, while you seized the opportunity to clean some of the glasses that piled up on the countertop. 
Jace went back to where some of his men were playing pool, the cut on his lip obvious enough you could still spot it even in the dim light of the bar. 
“So, the flame between you two dying out already?” you asked Baela with a softer voice, not wanting to catch Cregan’s attention, lifting your head to look at her. When there didn’t come an answer right away, you pressed on. “Just surprised Creg had to patch him up, that’s all.”
She took a swig of her beer, putting the pint down and slightly bending over the counter to come closer toward you. “He’s just been acting so weird lately. I get that it’s not easy when your parents get a divorce, but everyone saw it coming… even Luke handles it better than he does.” 
“Speaking of, where’s he anyways? Haven’t seen him in a while.”
“He’s in Driftmark with Rhae. Gramps needed some help in his workshop, and since dad’s busy with the new bar, Luke offered to drive her and stay there. They should be back by Saturday.”
You had to give it to Rhaena. Even though she didn’t own a motorcycle herself, she was mechanically inclined. Growing up with a father like Daemon, who was obsessed with motorcycles himself, she received all the support she needed on her way, and he taught her most of the things he knew, despite taking a step back from motorcycles and all things involved after their mother Laena got into an accident that nearly killed her. 
At this point you just waited for the day she’d storm into Choppers and proclaim that Corlys Velaryon had bequeathed the workshop to her. You hoped for it to happen. 
“Does he,” you nodded toward the Savage Dragon’s president, “want to stay with Rhaenrya or does he leave with Harwin?” You stored the glasses away and threw the rag aside, leaning back against the cabinet with your arms folded in front of your chest. 
“I’m not sure, to be honest. He plans on buying an apartment in the city,” you raised your eyebrows at that, considering renting an apartment in King’s Landing already was expensive as hell, so, buying one was a whole other level. “And I can totally see Luke moving in with him, though.”
You nodded, and scoffed at the thought of the brothers sharing an apartment, considering Jace more often than not complained about his younger brother getting on his nerves. Perhaps moving out was his chance to get a taste of freedom and independence.  
Your response was seized short when the loud chatter of the customers drowned into silence. Having got used to the background noise a long time ago, you picked up on it lacking the second it ceased. 
There was a slight commotion at the front door, caused by the crowd of people parting to make place for whoever entered. It was a weird reaction, to say the least. The customers stepped aside when two silver haired men, clad in black jeans and matching leather jackets with a few patches covering the fronts and arms, stepped through the door and headed towards the counter. 
You didn’t have to squint your eyes to make out that it was Aegon Targaryen, self proclaimed prince of the city and president of Dracarys. And though everyone kept a respectful distance from them, you knew it wasn’t because of him, but rather because of the much taller man that trailed behind him like his personal bodyguard, his serious expression seeming both domineering and threatening. You hadn’t heard much about Aemond Targaryen before, a total enigma to you, and while the brothers seemed like the epitome of the golden retriever and the black cat personalities, you knew better than to trust the first impression. 
Aegon Targaryen was nothing short of ruthless and deceitful, the goofy and gullible demeanor only a mask he put on to fool people until he decided to show his true colors. The only thing that matched was his loyalty and protectiveness, always going the extra mile for his brothers and sister. 
The only things you knew about Aemond were that he supposedly wore a sapphire in place of his left eye after he’d lost it in an accident, though the how and when was unknown and his left eye concealed with a black eyepatch, and that he was in no way inferior to Aegon, just as ruthless and if not even hot-tempered and fierce. 
At least that’s what you had heard. You still had to experience their outbursts first hand yourself, most of the stories you‘d heard told by members of the Savage Dragons, or rather Jace, Luke and Creg. And sometimes even Baela told one or two stories, however, they never were as derogatory as the ones the others told. 
“Now this is a rare visit,” your friend mumbled, glancing over at you with a raised eyebrow as she noticed your attention was solely fixed on them. Not even Jace’s ‘Look who has decided to bless us with their presence’ was able to reclaim your focus.
With every step the pair took toward you, you felt the air being knocked straight out of your lungs, your throat becoming incredibly tight, whereas another sensation built in the pit of your stomach–perhaps even at the apex between your legs. Only when you felt Baela’s hand under your chin, as if she meant to close your mouth–even though it wasn't opened–you figured you had been staring at them a bit too long and a bit too obvious, but something about his striking eye, chiseled jaw and intimidating aura felt alluring to you. 
“Cousin,” Aegon’s gravelly voice rang out, acknowledging Baela. 
“Aeg,” she said before looking over to the taller Targaryen, nodding. “Aemond.”
The air between them was thick with tension, and it almost made you cringe to the point you had to interfere. “What can I get you?” your voice was a tad more high pitched than usual, and from the corner of your eye you were able to spot the way your friend’s eyebrow raised in a manner that made clear she was judging you.  
You tried your best to focus on Aegon, his blonde stubble, the loose curls and lavender eyes dreamy enough to get lost in but not at all enticing enough to outshine his younger brother. 
For a split second, you glanced over to Aemond, looming over his brother and Baela, and you were certain you’d caught the hint of a blush covering his pale skin, running down his cheeks and getting lost under his neck tattoos. 
“Daemon’s here, sweets?” he drawled, the pet name only topped by the flirty wink he shot you. Goosebumps prickled on your skin, though it had a completely different meaning and got an entirely different reaction from you than it did whenever Cregan called you something similar.
Speaking of, he had abandoned his place at Addam’s table–that man couldn’t do anything else than drinking and chatting while at work, and occasionally threw someone out of the bar–and trailed around the counter to stand behind you, towering over your small frame just like Aemond did with Aegon. “No,” he said coldly. Very unusual for him, you thought. 
Instead of looking at the man behind you, Aegon kept his eyes neatly trained on you, a smile on his lips that seemed eerily faked, “Then we’ll have two of his special. Neat.” Daemon’s special, you raised your brows, that meant you had to open one of the ridiculously expensive bottles of Elijah Craig’s 18 year single barrel that were stored in the back just for this occasion. 
“I’ll bring it to you, guys,” you said, glancing over your shoulder at Cregan, whose jaw was set to the point you feared for his teeth. Both men nodded and left to occupy one of the tables in the back–the one where two of their men had been expelled from before, to be precise. 
“Leave it to me,” you warned, putting a hand on the expanse of his broad chest to make it clear it wasn’t even up to debate. “They haven’t done anything at all and you guys can’t think straight right now.”
While you fetched two tumblers and retrieved the bottle from the back, Baela had left her spot in front of the counter, walking over to the pool table to approach Jace. You supposed it had something to do with the way he held his hands balled to fists at his sides and his eyes all but burning through his uncle’s bodies. If looks could kill, Aegon and Aemond certainly would have perished straight away. 
Perhaps she would finally manage to keep his rage at bay and stop him from doing anything stupid. Yet again. 
Grabbing a tray, you served the drinks to them before cleaning their table from the remnants of their clan’s escapades, several empty pints and tumblers stacked upon it. It was difficult to keep your cool with both their eyes watching your every move, though the younger one seemed to not be able to tear his eye off your body instead, watching the way your black attire clung to your curves, the hem of your skirt high enough to expose most of your thighs and accentuate your legs. 
“Need a hand?” It was Aemond speaking, catching you by surprise as you’d judged him to be more quiet-natured. His voice was just as gravelly as his brother’s, but at the same time smoother, if that even made sense. It crawled under your skin, but this time it was more pleasant. 
You flashed him a sheepish smile, and weren’t able to meet his eye for long. “It’s alright,” you said, “I’ve carried a lot more than that.” The nod he returned made him appear just as sheepish as you were, and you were certain that if you’d stay just a minute longer, you wouldn’t be able to leave their table at all. 
You were completely oblivious that Aegon’s and Aemond’s eyes weren’t the only ones watching even the slightest move you made, though they all captured a different motive behind them. If it was up to Jace, you would’ve perished with his uncle’s in that moment, and if it was up to the Targaryen brother’s, they would’ve kept you at their table just a bit longer–one wanting your company out of self-interest, while the other one just enjoyed to mess with the other side of the family. 
You balanced the tray back to the bar, placing it on the countertop and allowing Cregan to clean the glasses this time around. 
He looked utterly ridiculous. A hunk of a man, hunching his shoulders while cleaning a bunch of glasses and staring at the men they loathed with all their hearts for reasons you didn’t even know in the first place. 
“You’re still aware I’m leaving early tonight, right?” you asked him, trying to get his mind off the matter at hand. “Or do you want me to stay to make sure everything goes well? Don’t want y’all to rip each other to shreds. It’d suck to clean that up tomorrow.” The chuckle you released was meant to ease the tension, though Cregan wasn’t really having any of it. 
“No, it’s fine,” he eventually replied. “Take your time off, you’ve earned it. Need someone to bring you home?”
He half turned to look at you, the slight tilt of his head indicating he’d help you out and probably drive you home himself. “Came by car today,” you retrieved your keys from the back pocket of your denim skirt, dangling them in front of his face. “So, no worries.”
“Alright, have a nice evening,” he hummed, and moved to tend to another customer. 
You walked around the corner but stopped once you passed it, turning to face him one last time. “And Cregan?” you asked, catching his attention, “Behave.” 
“You know us, Y/N.”
“Exactly.”
Raising his hands in defeat, silently indicating that he’d try to keep his hands clean for the remainder of the night, you moved to approach Baela at the pool table. “I’m done for the night, Bae. See you tomorrow?”
She embraced you in a tight hug. “I’ll hit you up.“
“You’ll hear from me once I’ve cleaned up after you guys… again,” you teased and waved goodbye to everyone standing around the table. 
As you passed the table with two of the most attractive men you’ve ever spotted before, a shiver ran up your spine, feeling like liquid fire. You tried to keep your eyes on the ground, not able to get lost in the piercing gaze of Aemond once again, but were forced to take notice of them when Aegon’s voice rang out. “Leaving already, sweets?” You nearly missed the way Aemond elbowed his brother at the mention of the irritating pet name. 
Unable to speak, you merely bobbed your head once, heading toward the door. Aemond’s ‘What a shame’ could hardly be heard by anyone other than you and his brother, and it forced a blush onto your cheeks before you hurried out of the bar. 
Unbeknownst to you, this wasn’t the last you’ve heard and seen of the seemingly notorious devil. 
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These are my face-claims for the other (kinda important) characters appearing in this series. Cregan, Baela, Jace and Aegon.
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synbiosys ¡ 15 days ago
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So, I’m not proud of it, but I’m back to ask for help again. Above is the link to my Ko-Fi account; I can accept donations via Stripe and Paypal; I don’t have a preference of which method you use. Below is a more detailed explanation of the events that have led to my current predicament; it’s not entirely necessary to understand, but it should make sense of why this happened to me.
I’m dealing with some health problems and a recent car accident and I need help paying my bills for the next few months while I use that time to finish incomplete coursework for classes I took last year. In case it’s not clear, an “Incomplete” is a grade that can be given by instructors at some schools in situations where a student wasn’t able to complete a major assignment for a class due to circumstances outside their control, and allows students a pre-determined amount of time to finish that work beyond the end of the course. I had a plan for covering my expenses with a summer job at the Oregon State University Arthropod Collection (OSAC) while I finished the incomplete work, but the nature of my health issues, an outbreak of fleas, and a car accident have all prevented me from making it work. Now I’m kind of trapped; the cost of living in Corvallis is too high for food stamps to last an entire month, I don’t have a car anymore, and I’ll probably end up homeless if I can’t pay October rent and also pay November rent on time. I’ve managed to find some work doing landscaping and yardwork in my neighborhood, but I’ve realized that it’s impossible to make enough money and also handle the incomplete coursework; focusing on the former will impact the completion of my degree in June, while focusing on the latter will likely result in homelessness. The loss of my car is exacerbating all of this, in part because I live further away from all of the stores/banks/etc. in Corvallis, and public transit here is not very good.
Since late 2022, I’ve been experiencing sleep apnea-like health problems arising from swollen turbinate glands. I have some known allergies, but they’ve never caused swollen turbinate glands. The impact on my sleep quality became so severe that I had to resort to nasal strips every night. I saw doctors about this problem as early as spring of 2022, but none of them were helpful; most of them didn’t listen to me, and none of them considered trying any kind of testing. This ineptitude continued even after directly asking my primary doctor about autoimmune conditions and how we could test for them. Despite how obviously informative blood samples can be, nobody suggested a blood test. I finally lost my patience and demanded they give me a blood test for hypothyroidism at the end of August. Lo and behold, my thyroid hormone levels were an order of magnitude out of the normal range. Autoimmune problems run in my mother’s family, and it’s likely that I have Hashimoto’s thyroiditis; this disease is rarer in men, and the symptoms appear very gradually. While I can understand how this would delay detection of the disease, there were FIVE different doctors who saw me in relation to the sleep/allergy problems and none of them considered a blood test. I started taking levothyroxine the same day as the test results, but before being treated, my symptoms became so severe that my ADHD medication stopped working, my OCD symptoms went out of control, and I was experiencing severe brain fog. This is what forced me to request incomplete grades for my courses; I was trying to complete coursework despite all of this, and I was barely able to keep up. Once treatment begins, it takes at least a month to take effect, so my symptoms didn’t start improving until early October. Most recently, I found out that I needed to increase my dosage, but thyroid problems often have complex consequences, and any changes to the dose of the medication will result in unwanted side effects.
My original plan for this summer was to work at OSAC to cover my expenses while I tackled the incomplete coursework. I calculated the gross income I’d need to meet my expenses, and working 30 hours a week at this position well exceeded that amount. My duties as a curatorial assistant change slightly depending on the tasks at hand, but because I am paid from grant money, I must work efficiently, accurately, and in an organized manner. Because I have ADHD, extra measures are necessary in order to meet these requirements. I’ve worked this job intermittently since 2018, so I know how prevent my ADHD symptoms from interfering with my work. Because of the failures by my doctors to address my health problems, I was already struggling to arrive at work on time by June. By July, my symptoms had worsened to the point that I was no longer able to focus on work consistently, voluntarily cutting some days short because I wasn’t accomplishing much, and continuing to work in that state was inherently a waste of grant money. By August I could only make it to work sporadically. As a result, I missed most of the income I could have earned for August and September of this year. I was able to make up for some of this impact by selling old trading cards and video games from childhood, but that money didn’t last very long.
I was also confronted with a flea infestation that suddenly appeared in August. I rent a bedroom in a house with housemates; we tried to eradicate them ourselves, but the landlord suddenly informed us in early September that he hired an exterminator, who was arriving in less than 24 hours. I have some pet reptiles and pet invertebrates I needed to protect from pesticide exposure, so I suddenly had to move my pets to a friend’s house. I also had to re-arrange my bedroom to accommodate the exterminators. Based on the chemicals that were used, the only way I could make room safe again for my pets was by mopping the floor in my bedroom and the adjacent hallway three times. This ultimately cost me four days, and then the exterminators came back in early October, which forced me to repeat the process.
As if this wasn’t enough, I had a serious car accident in late September that annihilated my car and left me with severe lacerations to my left arm and a fracture in my thumb. The car spun out and flipped in the process, landing in the opposite lane. If another car had been about to pass me, it would have caused a direct collision at around 55 mph, and I probably wouldn’t have survived that. I realized the danger immediately and crawled out of the car, but most of the other possible outcomes would have involved my demise. I’m very lucky, but it took almost a month for the lacerations to heal, and one of them was deep enough to cause nerve damage, which hasn’t completely healed yet. My left hand has healed enough for me to use it, but I’m still having some issues with my thumb.
I wish I could say that I had help from my family, but my parents were impacted by both of the recent hurricanes that made landfall in western Florida. Even before the hurricanes, my parents weren’t really willing to understand what I was dealing with. I grew up in an abusive household; my sister and I were neglected by our parents, and we experienced emotional abuse from them as young adults. This is particularly true of my father, who himself is the product of a highly abusive upbringing. Unfortunately, research on the dynamics of child abuse has shown that children from abusive households often suffer a lack of economic mobility relative to children from more supportive family backgrounds as a result of mental health impacts. This has absolutely been the case with my sister and I; both of us are well into our 30s, and neither of us is anywhere close to long-term financial stability. That’s why it was deeply hurtful to hear my father blame me for being unable to fly to Florida on a whim to help him clean up the house, blame me for paying $950 a month for rent, and shame me for being 35 years old without a “stable job���. Both of my parents visited me in Corvallis in late July; they could tell that I was struggling, they apologized for neglecting me, and they told me they’d be more supportive, but apparently everything they said to me then must have been an act.  
Hopefully, this explanation sufficiently articulates the situation I’ve ended up in. I almost have enough money to pay my October rent, and I need to have my November rent paid by 11/5. I would have tried using Ko-Fi sooner, but in the interest of upholding my own responsibility, I wanted to exhaust my other options before resorting to donations again
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