#this will be a pain to format for instagram

[pigeonneaux]

graphic design is still my passion.

ADDITIONAL INFOS AND CONDITIONS UNDER THE CUT :

DRAWINGS FOR PERSONAL USE ONLY. want me to work for you or do something for commercial use? email me and we'll make a contract! : contactanninime@gmail.com

I can draw pretty much anything. Furries, RPF, OC insert, Self insert, crack ships, detailed designs, i can also illustrate fanfics, Headcanons, and shitposts. I can make comics and custom stickers as well! Just ask. (about the comics, i will only do them in monochrome, like this) NSFW and gore and everything inbetween is OK. I cannot draw MECHAS.

i will need you to send me as many references as possible, of the characters, the clothes & accessories, and the pose you want for them. (stickmen drawings are fine, and if you describe the poses it should be fine as well but it's harder to visualise for me) might ask for some context around the characters if i don't know them :) same if they're original characters, tell me everything<3

you can send me a drive folder with every information necessary. If you don't have many ref, you can send me everything in DMs directly.

the ideal ref folder has : face closeups, in side profile, front, 3/4, (faceclaim is very helpful if there is any) same for the body, ref sheet or at least a good indication of the character's body type, body language, and style. same with clothes. and a .txt file where you write your idea + where are some specific details like their scars, or facial hair, birthmarks etc, and any info you think might be relevant<3 and a clear pose reference if possible

once i start the commission, i'll kinda disappear for a week or more, then come back with w.i.ps, i will ask you if there's anything you want to change

sometimes it can take a lot longer than planned and sometimes it can be quick.... you just can never know, so just be prepared for that eventuality.

if you have a deadline for the commission (ex : birthday gift, holiday etc) i will be on time. but please contact me more than one week in advance.

if you commission me to draw my current obssession i will kiss you on the lips

- I reserve myself the right to refuse a commissions, for any reason.

- DM me to start, or to ask any question !

Payment through  Paypal, I will send you an invoice.

ko-fi/paypal.me (do NOT pay me before i sent you an invoice)

And again if something is confusing (and god knows commission sheets are confusing) send me a DM or an Ask, i will do my best to answer it properly in the #faq tag!

If you want more exemples of my commissioned works, check out the #pigecomms tag

for NSFW exemples check out my Pillowfort

Also here's a list of my interests if you want to look into it to see if yours appears in it idk

[bloopuoo]

reblog if you agree

[calicotisane]

If visionary had a physical version (it would be printed like a zine) I would try my ass off to make that page of the tower leading down into a large fold-out thing. I don't know what would be on the other side of it though AHHH

[mrdragonageherself]

I've been waiting two months for physio they insist I have to do an online class... it's a fucking slide show about my symptoms.

What the fuck... this is fucking useless.

[jibunbosh]

Mesmerizer is a satire of TikTok, YouTube Shorts, and the rest of the modern short-form vertical video format

A brief thematic analysis.

I'm sure there are countless people already interpreting the imagery and details in this wonderful song & MV, like here and here, so I won't spend too much time retreading that ground. Miku and Teto are dancing. Miku gets hypnotized. Teto signals for help, but gets hypnotized at the end as well.

That part is obvious enough, but that's still pretty surface-level. What is this seemingly hyperspatial horror scenario supposed to mean to us?

While checking to see if anyone before me's already come to the same conclusions as I did and if I should bother not writing this text post at all (lol), I came across udin's great analysis video. She comes to the conclusion that the song tackles themes of disillusionment with reality and the ways we indulge in escapism to relieve ourselves of the pains of the world.

I agree with that reading! From practically the very beginning, we have Miku call to us - the viewer - to push away our true feelings. Teto comes in to peddle a solution, inviting us to surrender and empty our minds - in her words, "pretending to know nothing."

You, the viewer, are a critical character in this masquerade. For nearly the entire video, Miku and Teto's eyes are unfailingly trained on you. Or, well... perhaps they can't actually see you, but they can see a camera, or whatever other aperture the point of view is supposed to be from. And they know they're being watched. (Who else would Teto be sending distress signals to?)

Let's put a pin on that for later.

udin notes very early on that Miku and Teto are, conspicuously, kept in vertical frames - very similar to the video formats of TikTok (and Instagram Reels, and YouTube Shorts, and whatever other clones of the format exist.) You know, just like the animator Caststation's Rabbit Hole fan MV that went viral some months ago.

Hey wouldn't it be crazy if the song's producer, 32ki, released Mesmerizer shorts too haha. Wouldn't that be crazy.

Wow, wild.

These short-term vertical videos are captivating & alluring. If you're reading this, it's more likely than not that you've also found yourself caught up in them at least once, scrolling through the infinite algorithmic slurry and forgetting about the real-life issues you have at hand. Would you say, then, that you felt hypnotized? Mesmerized, even?

And so these two invite us to join their world and focus on the... uh... rectangle.

Their dances are repetitive, following the same loop. Their outfits are distinct, but their choreography isn't. They're copying the same formula, repeating it ad nauseam to the best of their ability.

They're doing a fucking TikTok dance.

Back to the pin I told you about earlier, with Miku and Teto looking at a camera.

Miku sways with the camera, eyes looking directly at it like a swinging pocket watch. She's been looking at it the entire time, after all. We've been seeing her via our screen this entire time, but, again, she doesn't necessarily see us. She's beholden to the camera, which she dances for day after day, caught up in its spell. She's hypnotized by it. Eventually, she breaks.

Teto, on the other hand, resists. For a while, anyway.

Despite her being the one jumping to us with the "solution" at the beginning of the MV, there's very quickly good reason to question how much agency she has in this. She dances for the camera as well, but she doesn't want to. She's signalling for help. She wants out.

Many content creators (as much as I personally loathe the non-specificity and soullessness of the term) have struggled with the adaptation to the short-form video format, and the preference the algorithm has had for these captivating, bite-sized videos. They're catchy, and easily drive up metrics. Practically anyone who's publishing their work via video format online needs to learn to adapt or fall behind, even if that means whittling their content down to fit the frame, the time, and people's shortening attention spans. Sometimes, that means compromising on specificity and completeness... or, in other words, the true representation of a full work.

The song's writer, 32ki, has been releasing songs on YouTube for several years. Their first YouTube Short, however, was posted only a year ago: a short, whittled-down segment of their previous song, CIRCUS PANIC!!!, hoping for it to win the ProsekaNEXT song contest. It was their first song to achieve widespread popularity and hit a million views.

The shorts, however, aren't the "true" versions of the song. The full song just won't fit.

We're being mesmerized as consumers of this endless stream of content, rather than appreciators of music and art. However, that relationship isn't completely symmetrical across the plane that is the 4th wall. Miku and Teto are trapped not by their attention spans, but by a compulsion to project their "truthful acting" and peddle that window into a colorful, problem-free world.

We, as the collective audience, need not dwell on any one thing for too long - we need only swipe, and move on to the next video. However, Miku and Teto are trapped behind the screen for eternity, day after day.

They're the only characters we get to see, of course. There's no evil 3rd voice synth character that's plotting to keep them trapped in there. We can't put a face to whatever force is hypnotizing them and trapping them behind the screen. It's faceless - like the inscrutable algorithms of YouTube recommendations or the TikTok For You page, or the impersonal corporations that develop & maintain those aforementioned apps. Miku and Teto's likenesses, on the other hand, are being exploited and extracted from for their entertainment value, being strung along by that metaphorical hypnotizing force like puppets on a string.

Many people, represented by Miku, enjoy their success on such platforms. It's freeing and liberating to throw oneself wholeheartedly into such an endeavor, of course! Others, represented by Teto, harbor their doubts of the emotional veracity of such a medium, but know they have little choice lest they face destruction... perhaps not literally as a person, but as an idea.

Wouldn't it be easier just to let oneself be swept away by it and give in?

[cupidbedsy]

𝘀𝗹𝗶𝗽 '𝗻 𝘀𝗹𝗶𝗱𝗲 | 𝘵𝘻11 ♔

➪ summary: pro tip: if you're going to play slip 'n slide hockey, make sure not to play it with professional hockey players

➪ warnings: fractured shoulder, hospitals

➪ word count: 0.6k

➪ file type: blurb - reupload

➪ sunny's notes: it has been so long since i posted writing on here so i'm super excited to be back doing it. i remember exactly what sparked the idea for this fic and i couldn't be happier with how it turned out! um let me know if you like the new-ish formatting (the tinier font) or if you would prefer it to be bigger for the writing. also, i am working on that quinn fic and let me know if there are any of your favorites of mine you want me to reupload, they are all on my masterlist if you want to browse.

© cupidbedsy (sunflower-lilac42) ; do not copy, repost, or translate my work and designs on any other website or here

tz11 masterlist || nhl masterlist || taglist || navigation

This wasn’t how this was supposed to happen, her sitting in a hospital room with her arm sporting a sling. Sure, maybe the idea was a little stupid, and playing with professional hockey players also didn’t help. But, what was she supposed to do when she was scrolling on Instagram and saw a video with ‘slip-and-slide hockey’? Not tell her brothers and their friends about it? Not a chance. 

After seeing the video, she immediately brought it up to her brothers who agreed and started calling some of their friends to come to the lake house. She had called Trevor, much to Jack’s annoyance at the reminder of their relationship and Quinn’s distaste for him, and he said he would be there as soon as he could. When all the boys arrived, it was officially ‘mission slip-and-slide hockey’ time.

In hindsight, maybe she should’ve worn pads or just not played at all knowing how rough her brothers get with not only her but with their friends as well. Jack was being Jack, of course. He had gone to go around Trevor when he slipped and knocked into his sister, who then fell and weirdly landed on her shoulder. She didn’t scream, growing up with three rowdy brothers gave her more pride than she probably would’ve liked sometimes. 

She just laid there, staring at the sky with her right arm across her chest and her left one lying by her side. It took everyone a little bit to realize, and it was only when they saw Quinn kneeling next to her that they did. 

Quinn looked down at her, placing a hand on her shoulder, “You okay?”

She nodded, looking a little dazed as her eyes glassed over in pain, “Mhm.”

“Y/n/n come on, move your arm for me.”

She lifted her left arm and then dropped it, “See, I’m fine.”

He gave her a look, “Your other arm.”

And she was prepared to do it, except when she tried, she couldn’t and teared up more. Quinn sighed before waving Trevor over, “Come on, let’s go to the hospital.”

“I’m fine.”

Trevor’s head came into her sight, his hair flopping and framing his face, “Let’s go, princess.”

She smiled up at him, “You're pretty.”

He laughed before helping her stand up, having her lean on him for support. Jack came up and spewed apologies from his mouth as they walked to the car, “It’s okay, Jack. I’m fine.”

He shook his head and sat on one side while Trevor sat on the other and Luke got into the passenger seat as Quinn drove them to the hospital. And that’s how they ended up here, y/n sitting on a hospital bed with her arm in a sling due to her fractured shoulder. Trevor sat on the bed next to her while Quinn called their mom and Luke and Jack sat on the chairs in front of them. 

She leaned her head against her boyfriend’s shoulder, “Ugh how am I supposed to work now?”

“You don’t have to work, y/n/n. You’re boyfriends rich.”

Y/n sent her younger brother a glare before closing her eyes again, “Do you think they could give me drugs for my head?”

Jack shook his head at her choice of words before standing up, “I’ll go find a doctor. Maybe you got a concussion too, though they didn’t say anything.”

He kissed her head before leaving to find a doctor, or a nurse at the very least. Luke followed after him, protesting being stuck in a room with the two of them. Trevor pushed a piece of her hair out of her face before kissing her temple, “Are you sure you’re feeling okay? Besides the headache now?”

She nodded a little, wrapping her left arm around his right one, “Yeah.”

He gave her a small smile, “You know Luke wasn’t totally wrong. You don’t have to work.”

She went to hit him but he laughed and held up a hand, “I know, I know. You love your job, I wouldn’t take that away from you, lovely.”

“Good.”

The two sat in silence for a little while and then she spoke once more, “Cuddles when we get back?”

“Of course, my baby fractured her shoulder. Got to give her all the princess treatment in the world.”

“Dork.”

© cupidbedsy (sunflower-lilac42) ; do not copy, repost, or translate my work and designs on any other website or here

[sigmasoyboy]

Surely nothing in the world ever felt better than [THIS]

Was suggested on instagram to write from Gage's POV and thinking about how I would ever write from someone who's been essentially dog lobotomized actually got me thinking so hard I started writing. The formatting of this one is a reading nightmare but the never ending run-on sentence tightly packed into one block of text feels the most appropriate to a dog's inner thoughts so… You have to suffer for the sake of art™️

cw: ableist and misogynistic language, PTSD, panic attack, murder, vomit, loss of humanity through being genetically spliced with a dog

Right now there is only [RUNNING] and [PANTING] and the wind whipping your face and twigs digging into your paw pads and snapping under your weight and the sweat tickling the inside of your thigh as it rolls down the expanse of your (ever) hairless leg. You almost want to throw your hands down into the decaying grass and leaves to propel your body further but (something) keeps you anchored to your bipedal ways, your body knows it was never made for sprinting on all four but your body was also bent once and could probably be bent further all the way to the other side transhumanised so far the evolutionary path to break all knowns nomenclature and classification and leap from (human) to [DOG] just as you do out of the shrubbery as soon as your hear [YOUR NAME], toes skidding into the overgrown lawn as you halt, tongue hanging out dumbly trying as you might to bring moisture back into your bone dry mouth. The useless instincts you (forcefully) have inherited work against you but thankfully [HE!!!] turns on the garden hose [HE!!] uses to bath you with and fresh water springs out, splattering everywhere against your open mouth. There used to be a better way to drink but you (forgot) how so you chew at the air trying to catch this pesky pesky water into your mouth while getting drenched, you were hot anyway, running so so hot from all the excess dopamine secreted by your happy happy dumb brain, so easily pleased.

Surely nothing in the world ever felt better than [THIS]; it’s the 100th time you thought this exact thing today not with words or inner monologue only pure unadulterated stabs at your mesocorticolimbic circuit, things are only [GOOD] or [BAD] not in terms of the morals (you lacked) but in terms of [PLEASURE] and [PAIN], so simple and so good like quenching your thirst and moving your limbs and eating and shitting and nerve endings being stimulated by a [GOOD SCRATCH] just like [HE] is doing right now immediately replacing the serotonin from the water [HE] just shut off, not having a care in the world for how greasy your (hair) feels or the way you wildly shake off to dry yourself or the fact that you are (not) a dog at all. You wouldn’t get any of it anyway because all you understand now is [ANGRY] and [SOFT] tone so as long as [HE] coos at (you) softly [HE] can say anything and (you) would happily (giggle) and [RUB YOUR HEAD] against his big calloused hands even if he was (talking shit). You were liberated against your (will) and you are too dumb to realize it, of course you are why would you ever stop and try to think when you can just march alongside [HIM] like [HE TAUGHT] [YOU]] like a good stupid fuckass (dog) getting all [EXCITED] because you realize [HE] is walking towards the [KITCHEN] which can only mean any and all (doubt) or [FEAR] that’s desperately trying to join each others can be [SILENCED] by a motherfucking spoonfull of [PEANUT BUTTER HOLY SHIT] sticky and salty and obstructing your airway momentarily but thank goodness you still know how to breath through your (nose) while you smack your (lips) desperately trying to (get away from the [DELICIOUS TREAT] clawing at the leathery cushion with your splitting nails nerve endings stimulated by [HURT HURT HURT FUCK what did you do why were you bad why is this happening to you this wasn’t supposed to happen you weren’t supposed to get caught in the first place but the [BITC H] squealed and slipped through your fingers and now you’re the one being [GUD LA DET SLUTTE VÆR SÅ SNILL] you should’ve made a bigger hole and (fucked it) so [BAD] no one will ever be able to identify your whore bitch corpse you r eally fucked up this time you can barely breathe through any hole now in out in out in out head heavy with the weight of ([HUMAN CONSCIOUSNESS]) getting really really light so much so you don’t feel your (claws) slicing until the victim became unrecognizable aggravated [MASSACRE] of your (ultimate reality) now there’s only [DROOL] and a little bit of [VOMIT] and your clammy skin against the (cold old tiles) of the kitchen floor and [HIS] form above you [WARM] palm encircling almost your entire still trembling arm and (garbled speech) you can never [UNDERSTAND] again, it’s so [WARM] and (nice) your [TAIL] slaps the kitchen floor, beginning to unknot [HIS] brow as you can feel yourself (smiling) dumbly at [HIM]. And now there is only [PETTING] and [ROLLING ON THE FLOOR] with the sweet-acrid aroma of [PEANUT BUTTER] and [VOMIT] [HE] stops you from [LAPPING] just before your tongue touches it.

Surely nothing in the world ever felt better than [THIS].

[nurse-floyd]

Carlos Motherfucking Sainz

This man. I cannot. Also, these men also keep putting my love of nursing and my love of F1 together so let's get into it! How did Carlos Sainz manage to win 2 weeks after having an appendectomy?

In the UK, at least, you can leave the hospital the same day you've have an appendectomy as long as there are no complications as long is it was done laparoscopically and there were no complications (burst appendix etc)

Carlos had his appendix removed laparoscopically (which I predicted considering how quickly he was back at the paddock to watch the Grand Prix!) you can tell by the incisions - 3 small ones for the camera and tools rather than one long incision for an open appendectomy.

Usually after an appendectomy you can go back to work after 1-2 weeks. IF YOU HAVE A NON-PHYSICAL JOB. We know this man was back training and strengthening as soon as he could. You can usually start to work out after 2 weeks, depending on wound healing. Those sit ups would have been agony!

That alone would have had him in a lot of pain, let alone the amount of g-force the drivers encounter when they're driving around the circuits - up to 5G in some cases. That's 5x their body weight.

On his latest Instagram post you can see him in a weird glass tube - this presumably is a hyperbaric chamber. There are multiple studies investigating the effectiveness of hyperbaric oxygen therapy in the speedier healing of surgical wounds and reduction of post-operative infection.

In short, this type of therapy can reduce inflammation and boost the formation of white blood cells (the cells that protect the body against infection and defend it from attack of unknown organisms) to improve healing and lower the risk of infection.

Overall, we know he wouldn't have been able to drive unless he was safe to and he said himself they made sure he could get out of his car in the required time and padded his wound and made adjustments to ensure his comfort but you could see the pain he was in after and Lando helping onto the podium.

That man deserves his seat.

[blueparadis]

+ cw.—› yandere!tattoo-artist!geto suguru x fem!reader, headcanon format, needles and piercings, possessive behavior, fantasies, fellati0, $mût | word count — 0.5k.

+ notes.—› yes. im in my yan love era as put by my beloved ari | redirect to blog navigation.

yandere!tattoo-artist!geto suguru who sees y/n for the first time walking into his tattoo parlor with a somber look on her face yet smiles heartily while interacting. He talks like he usually does with his other customers yet he is in awe of how she is not afraid of needles and does not even flinch when he starts doing his handiwork.

yandere!tattoo-artist!geto suguru who sees y/n again in his shop, this time in a long top, a skirt, and boots feels undeniably jealous for thinking for whom all this dress-up is for? He can not seem to shake the feeling that she might have a date later on, or maybe it is the date's influence for her to get another tattoo near the belly button. So, he does something that he should not do; so unprofessional of him.

yandere!tattoo-artist!geto suguru who frowns and turns grumpy if he sees some inks on her body other than his. So, he decides to put his signature on every tattoo on her body from now on whenever she revisits, blending it so perfectly that it is hard to see, and generally declines the customer if they do not remind him of y/n in one way or other. His Instagram is now full of her videos lately and tattoo designs that remind him of y/n.

yandere!tattoo-artist!geto suguru who draws a heart sign near his collar bone along with her name in cursive, in such a way that it blends with the design, in such a way that it catches her attention, in such a way that his liking towards her is very obvious yet so subtle about it when she asks about the tattoo.

yandere!tattoo-artist!geto suguru who tells y/n that a back-waist tattoo or a sternum tattoo will look good on her so that he could check how much is she responsive to his touches. “easy girl. easy girl. i'm not gonna hurt you.” he utters so lowly so boldly that he can see goosebumps igniting her barely clad body.

yandere!tattoo-artist!geto suguru who explains her thoroughly about the aftercare, the precautions she has to take and how: touching her midriff, massaging the oil and telling in which direction and what way . . . and when she releases a soft moan all his hard work is all paid. He is so hard that he wraps up the rest part with her as quickly as possible so that he can relieve himself of the pain, this pain of longing.

yandere!tattoo-artist!geto suguru who tells her what kind of dresses and material should she put on that reveal her body like a painting on an art exhibition with such a warm and easy-going smile that on her next session, he is blessed with the sight of his influence on him. It makes him so dizzy, so warm just seeing her in that particular outfit he merely slipped as a suggestion.

yandere!tattoo-artist!geto suguru who goes to the washroom as soon as y/n leaves jerking off at the thought of marking her all over, while pushing his cock deep inside her; touching himself at the thought of having her tattooed body underneath him, wanting to see her buck naked and only covered with his inked tattoos with his special signatures.

@tokyometronetwork

[itsalliebitheway]

make a move, do your thing

chapter 6: poet

Lena Luthor was objectively good at a lot of things. She’d graduated from high school at 16 and went on to get multiple degrees and even two doctorates. She had been running L-Corp successfully now for almost four years. Even outside of her academic success, she was good at many things. She’d been a chess prodigy and almost good enough at fencing to go to the Olympics. As a child, she learned how to play the piano to entertain her parents’ guests, and she learned to ride horses good enough to compete at charity polo games to represent their family.

Lena Luthor was good at many things.

But one thing that nobody knew about Lena was that she enjoyed writing poetry. And sure, she was no Goethe or Emily Dickinson, but she enjoyed playing with words. She’d discovered her love for writing poetry in middle school. Her teacher even encouraged her to keep writing, even recommending a special tutor since Lena showed talent. But of course, the Luthor’s vetoed it, since it was a worthless skill that brought no value to the family empire.

Recently, things had calmed down. L-Corp ran smoothly next to Lena’s occasional DEO duties. CatCo was safe and sound in Andrea’s hands and the friendship between them might not be back in full bloom but it was at least rekindled. The only thing that wasn’t going Lena’s way was her love life, and more specifically, her painfully unrequited crush on her best friend.

Kara was oblivious to all of Lena’s advances, had been from day one. She’d thought the office full of flowers was a thank you between friends and the personal gala invite just because Lena wanted some friendly company. Even when Lena bought CatCo for her, Kara saw it as a strategic step against Morgan Edge rather than Lena professing her undying love for her.

So, Lena turned back to one of her old outlets: poetry.

 She’d been rusty and it had been painful, trying to fight the urge for perfectionism. Where Lena had written sonnets in her middle school years, she now tended to write in free form, letting her thoughts wander where they wanted and writing them down in a pleasing way. She even added a backdrop to all of them and edited them as pictures into a secret folder in her phone.

Still, it didn’t quite feel like getting her emotions out while these photos were hiding in her gallery. So, she did something she was almost sure she’d regret later – she asked Nia for help. The younger reporter had intermittently showed her some posts on Instagram, whenever they got together, and some of the inspirational quotes reminded Lena of the format she herself had been creating. Nia was thrilled to help her set up a profile under the penname @dreams_in_poetry where Lena slowly but surely shared her new poems with the world, or her current 33 followers.

She didn’t mind that not a lot of people were seeing them, she just wanted to write up her feelings and get them out into the world before she’d blurt them out in front of Kara.

Most times, Lena was also very good at keeping her emotions in check. She rarely cried and angry outbursts only happened in the privacy of her home or office where nobody could call her emotional. But there were times when her feelings for Kara were so overwhelming that Lena just needed to get them out to get on with her day.

So, on a Tuesday morning right after hiring a new scientist for her new ocean clean-up project, Lena closed all work documents in favor of opening a blank word document. The words flowed out of her easily, dripping like molasses from her fingers.

She went to her secret Pinterest account in her browser half an hour later and downloaded a picture of shattered glass, editing it under the text. She posted the picture with the caption “breaking the illusion” and was just about to close the window when she heard a slight tapping at the balcony window.

Kara, clad in her supersuit, waited outside with two coffee cups until Lena opened the door.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Lena asked when she’d closed the door behind Kara again.

“Well, I brough you a coffee, but full disclosure, I saw your screen and I thought you didn’t have Instagram?! Why aren’t you following me, and how come I didn’t know you had an account?”

“I don’t really have an Instagram, it’s just something silly I do,” Lena deflected and tried to push herself between Kara and her desk, but Supergirl had already put the cup down and sat down in Lena’s chair. At the same time, a ding sounded in her office and Kara pulled her phone from her boot.

“Oh look, my favorite Instagram poet just posted something new, now that you have it too I can finally show you this page, it’s truly amazing.”

Kara turned to her computer, apparently determined to put the poet’s name into the search bar, when she stopped short.

“Wait why is your profile pic the same one as…” she trailed off. She clicked on the little profile picture icon and was led to Lena’s posts, the new one on the top left.

“Kara I can explain,” Lena tried but Kara interrupted her.

“You’re dreams_in_poetry? Lena oh my god that is amazing and everything makes so much sense now!”

“It does?” Lena asked but Kara couldn’t be stopped.

“I’m not even mad anymore that you didn’t tell me, I’m just amazed honestly, and also a little bit sorry. You’ve been going through this alone the entire time, even though I could’ve been here for you.”

“What exactly am I going through?”

"...I can understand why you didn't tell me, I'm the press, but Lena I would never tell on you. You guys make such a powerful couple, imagine the charity galas you guys can throw, I bet you can collect a Guinness world record donation, I mean, golly. She's very beautiful, you as well, a magnificent couple, the prettiest."

"Kara... What the hell are you talking about?" Lena finally interjected loud enough to make Kara stop and breathe.

"You and Andrea? The poems? You obviously have feelings for her again and this is how you expressed yourself."

Lena almost laughed she was so confused. “Where on earth do you get this from, Kara?

“Just look at this one. Titled Past Love.”

“longing stares and almost kisses only moments apart ruining a friendship feels inevitable the drinks taste tart

have we ever been closer when we should be apart fleeting touches linger too long flirting morphs into art

familiar hugs without letting go rest your head on me we dance around each other I’ll never be free

of you”

“That just screams and Andrea. You’ll never be free of her. Your past love that can happen again.”

“Kara, I wrote that about Sam and Alex when they were dancing in the club while Sam was already dating Andrea. The two of them who are still together, by the way, so there is not a chance I want Andrea. None.”

Kara scrunched up her brow in confusion, looking at the words, and most prominently, Lena’s most recent post, open on her page.

Lena sighed and clenched her jaw, unwilling to crack now that Kara was so adamant about there being nobody else for Lena than her ex.

“Then who are all these about? Do you not want to tell me, Lena? I’m your best friend.”

Lena groaned loudly and buried her fingers in her own hair, ruining her pristine updue. This line had broken her heart far too many times.

“Why don’t I read the new one to you, and maybe you can figure it out, Kara.”

“will you let me kiss you once so that I know for sure I’ve dreamed too big

will you let me hold you close to let me convince myself I’ve been foolish to hope

will you let me take you home to show me I’ve been wrong to think there was a chance

of ever having you”

It was almost too painful to get through the whole thing, but thanks to her photographic memory, Lena didn’t need to read the lines. She stared into Kara’s eyes, reciting each word, and just hoped that it would finally click.

When she was done, she closed her eyes, too afraid too see how Kara would react. When she heard nothing, she slowly opened them again, watching Kara stare at her, her mouth agape, her eyes wide.

“Do you… can you, I mean. You can’t mean me, right?” she stuttered and swallowed hard enough for Lena to see it.

“Of course I mean you, you beautiful idiot,” Lena whispered, fighting the urge to just run all the way home to her apartment.

Then Kara reached for her, standing up from the desk chair, she towered over Lena again. Before Lena could think, Kara’s lips were on hers, chasing her when she broke away for air, not letting her get farther away than a hair’s breadth.

“I don’t think your illusion needs shattering after all. You can have me for as long as you want,” Kara whispered and pulled her in again.

[kkmcshouty]

What was supposed to be a quick comic turned into a several week long distraction. After listening to the fan song "Writing on the Wall," I started thinking and realized Alhaitham's probably one of the more major pieces keeping Kaveh from overworking and I got a scene in my head that I couldnt shake, so I made a vertical comic as practice for my upcoming webtoon Hero/Villain (which has a preview up on Webtoon Canvas if you're interested).

I also highly recommend checking out the original song (linked in a reblog cause we know how tumblr is with links). It's one of those fan songs that isn't just a fan son, it's a song about artists and struggles that come with the territory and it's an absolute gem.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed my attempt at making a vertical comic look good on modern tumblr, figuring out image sizes was a pain.

(Oh also if you want to see it in video format, check out my instagram reel! I even added a snippet of the song to it)

[jbaileyfansite]

Interview with Evan Ross Katz (2024)

Whether he’s carrying Kylie Minogue to the Hyde Park Festival stage with his pal Andrew Scott, making the Internet go collectively feral for merely running a half marathon, chasing dinosaurs (in the upcoming Jurassic World reboot), romancing Matt Bomer (in Fellow Travelers) or Simone Ashley (in Bridgerton) or Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo (in Wicked) or, with his most recent venture, launching an LGBTQ+-focused charity, it seems Jonathan Bailey is always up to something. And yet, he still makes time, from his hotel room in Thailand (where he’s shooting Jurassic World 4), to hop on a Zoom with me to catch up.

We discuss everything from chafed nipples to queer shame to who he’d like to see in the “Drink Your Milk” T-shirt to if we’ll see him on Broadway any time soon, which is to say it’s a brief but wide-ranging chat.

I haven't seen you since the Met Gala! When we last spoke, you were prepping for your first half marathon. I obviously saw the viral photos that went around of you at the finish line, but how did it go?

You know, I should have put those nipple stickers on. That's my main takeaway. 

[Laughs] Did you bleed?

I did a bit, yeah. Did you? I know you've done a couple of marathons. 

I did bleed, and I didn't know about the bleeding beforehand. It's not something you really hear about but it's painful and uncomfortable.

Totally! And not even just beforehand: It took ‘til 4 hours later when my best friend told me there was evidence [of the bleeding]. But anyways… it was euphoric!

At least there was no photo evidence of that element!

Exactly! So thankfully, it's done. But it's just the most amazing thing, isn't it? And the community as well. Hackney Moves is amazing and they raised loads of money. It was the Bridgerton [Season 3 release] week so I feel like you could sort of harness that.

I do have to ask you a pressing question: Days ago, it was announced that Wicked had moved up its release date and will now be released the same day as Ridley Scott's Gladiator 2. Many online were affectionately calling this Barbenheimer 2.0, which led many to try and speculate about a proper portmanteau. Jon Chu wrote on Instagram that the consensus seems to be “Glicked,” which you reposted on Instagram, signaling a cosign. But I have to ask you, Johnny: Are you not considering“Wickediator”?

I love it. Whatever Jon Chu has ever said to me, I’ve taken as gospel, so I actually hadn't explored all the other options. The one that I've now heard since then which is making me reconsider everything is “Gladicked.” [Laughs] It's quite good, isn’t it? 

Yes! To me, “Glicked” feels too Wicked-skewed and then “Wickediator” is just clunky AF, so I like where you're at. 

We want it to be equal footing for sure. Another thing that I love that went viral is someone going: “Oh, brilliant. A film for the ladies and a film for the ladies.” [Laughs] 

I am both ladies! 

Oh, yes. Me too! 

Let’s talk The Shameless Fund, the charity you founded to raise money for LGBTQ+ nonprofit organizations. Can you tell me about the formation of this project?

It's been a labor of love over the last three or four years. It's been quite an organic experience, mainly inspired by Fellow Travelers, hence why I started with a collaboration which references a very specific scene and a performance by Matt Bomer.

I think through Covid and Bridgerton coming out, I found that there’s a real sense in the queer community about awareness of people who came before you and other experiences. And then obviously in Fellow Travelers, which explicitly explores that, the character I played was sort of on the front all the way through a very complicated experience for gay men at that time.

He experienced real moments of blooming liberation and quite insane amounts of oppression as well, and he was always fighting. He ends up becoming an activist, essentially, and I think it was in playing that part — which was kind of spiritual for me and for everyone who's involved in it — that I was like: Right, okay. I know that I've got this idea in my head and having experienced how much love there is for things like Bridgerton and how much money there is in collaboration, I felt that there's so many things I had said “no” to because it didn't feel quite right for me but if there was a world in which I could marry all of it in a creative sort of cocktail, then why not? And to give back to the community that I so love, and also, I'm a massive beneficiary of the work that the people that came before us did, so that's where it came to fruition from. 

You collaborated with our dear friend Jonathan Anderson, the creative director of Loewe, on a T-shirt with a memorable quote from Fellow Travelers to promote the launch of The Shameless Fund. How did this collaboration come to be?

During the strikes during the filming of Wicked, I went on a run one day and this idea of a T-shirt came into my head in full form. Then I sat next to Jonathan [at a Studio Voltaire fundraiser], and he’s lovely and brilliant and naughty and has a foundation, so it was all kind of organic.

Then I went over to DC to present Matt Bomer with an award for the Human Rights Campaign and it was really galvanizing to experience the American fervor. It was a gala, and the energy in the room was absolutely wild and there were amazing stories on stage. I texted Jonathan and I said: “Look, I have an idea and it involves milk and a T-shirt. What do you think?” and he said: “Call me tomorrow,” and then he said yes within the same phone call. I just felt tentative because it’s the sort of thing where you ask and you don't know, but then it went from there. 

I do recall first seeing a photo of you in the shirt several months ago during a night out with the Loewe team in China…

I went to the Loewe exhibition in Shanghai, which was incredible, and that night, we had quite a big night out and I wore the T-shirt because I’d been given the first prototype.

I was having a little boogie and [Anderson] uploaded it whilst I had no access to the Western World — my phone was off the whole time. So by the time I came home, you could see that people were gonna go wild for the T-shirt. Now, it's sold out and we're gonna get some more and it'll be a first step for The Shameless Fund to raise some money. 

Jonathan Anderson did my and my husband's wedding looks and I had to send him that same initial text to be like: “Can one even ask this?”

That's what's so brilliant in life: People who have the ability to collaborate, and that's just what Jonathan does.

One thing that you said just now that struck me is: “Why not?” I interview a lot of people in your profession and they're not asking that question all the time. A lot of people say:

“Oh, there's lots of money I can make. I can have more money. I can have more things for myself.”

Why are you a “why not?” person rather than a “why”? Is that something that was imbued in you by your family and your upbringing or is it how you've always been?

I don't know. I just feel quite strongly emotionally. I sense injustice in certain places, and I think what comes with success — especially being a gay actor — is that you think: “Hang on a minute. Are there limitations? Are there glass ceilings?”

When you experience success that you never thought you would and you grew up thinking that you're limited because of your identity and who you are, I think about the people that have supported me and the people that were really pioneering, but also, the actual heroes who do the real work; the people who work for these nonprofits and these charities where the majority of their energy is spent trying to raise money. When Bridgerton came out, I was inundated with requests to help draw attention to [these organizations] or raise money or donate things that they could sell, so that's where the kernel of this idea came from. All my life, I’ve been thinking about how I can give back.

It's not for nothing that you call this The Shameless Fund. We grew up at a time when, and I don't know if this is the same for you, but I didn't know that gay people existed. I thought I was the only one because I didn't have access to the kind of media kids do today where you can go on Instagram and see that gay is not only acceptable; it's cool. There's this very significant paradigm shift. I feel like a lot of gay men of our generation felt this shame as young people and often spend a lot of our adult lives working to rid ourselves of it. What is it for you about this idea of shame? 

I totally agree in terms of generations. I think the queer experience changes every five years. Even with some of my friends who are 10 years older than me — it's just so specific to cultural moments and representation as well, as you're saying. But I think my understanding of shame, especially having experienced Fellow Travelers, is that it permeates. It's not just a community that experiences the shame; it's the people around them. It's the parents who don't understand it and kick their kids out of their house. It's the sisters, it’s the cousins, it's the nephews, it's the children that are in broken families because of it. It's actually so toxic, that sense of self-hatred. That’s why The Shameless Fund is actually something that I hope is going to benefit everyone, even beyond the community itself.

Also, the older we get and because of the world we live in now, you can read The Velvet Rage and you can read Matthew Todd’s Straight Jacket and you can explore and have conversations with your friends that are really enlightening and you can have therapy, if you're lucky enough that you can afford to do that. As a 36-year-old now, I look back and I just go: “My God, I had such a loving family and yet I was still so isolated and so crippled.”

Shame can stop people from having a proper education and from being able to structure proper emotional relationships, like fundamental relationships with their family, which is the one place you're supposed to feel safe. It's flawed if the family is not aware of what you're going through. 

How did you come up with the name?

I did have other names [in mind for The Shameless Fund], but we won't go into them. One was so aggressive! [Laughs] But “The Shameless Fund” felt punk enough and fundamental enough. To me, I think that to be without shame is to be able to be joyful and to be able to thrive and to be able to learn and have a bloody good time whilst doing all those things, so it just felt right that it should be targeting shame because then hopefully it benefits the whole community in every color on the pride flag and, in turn, will also help so many people around them. 

So what can people expect next?

There's going to be some really fun things coming with The Shameless Fund and there's different ways in which it can grow, but I have people who really know what they're doing who are helping lead it. By the end of the year, we'll hopefully have worked with three different charities, starting small and helping people understand the work they're doing because that's the most important thing. If you think about Instagram, other than chatting with Evan Ross Katz [laughs], that's the platform through which you can really draw attention to things. Literally anyone in our community who's thriving at the moment — in a community that's obviously under threat going forward — knows what it's like to receive support. We know what we missed growing up.

I, too, grew up with an accepting family, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t still feel ostracized. I appreciate you recognizing that nuance, one I think many of us experience in some form but don’t always discuss.

Now, on The Shameless Fund’s website, it does say that more collaborations are coming. As you said, there’s going to be a restock of the Loewe shirts, but are there other brands in the mix?

There are other brands, and it'll be really exciting because the scope is endless, but I definitely had a couple of other ideas. After Fellow Travelers, the next thing will be a Wicked garment, so you might have to keep your eyes out for that. Maybe jumpers and sexy boots?

That’s perfect for my fantasy! So we've seen Kylie Minogue wearing the shirt — who I was lucky enough to be introduced to by you on the dance floor at the Met Gala after-party, thanks again — and we've seen Kit Connor, Scarlett Johansson and your Bridgerton co-star Luke Newton sporting it as well. I'm wondering who else is on your wishlist of celebrities that you'd like to see in the Drink Your Milk T-shirt?

Oh, God. What a question! Great shout. I would love to see Jerrod Carmichael in it right now. Very specifically Jerrod Carmichael. 

I feel that.

I would also love to see Hanson in it. Their three-part harmonies are a knockout at the moment.

At the moment?

[Laughs] We were just talking about this today. I’ve literally just come away from a field where I was running towards or away from dinosaurs, and we were talking about Hanson for about four hours today and listening to their three-part harmonies. 

That is not what I was expecting.

Who else? I can only think of people who are going to be wearing it over the next few weeks, which is quite exciting. Is there anyone you want to see in it? 

I have quite a few people. First of all, Jamie Dornan. I would love to see him in it. Paul Mescal, for obvious reasons. And the fans are waiting for Matt Bomer!

Don’t you worry. They’ll be satiated! They’ll be quenched. And Andrew Scott had a good time at Glastonbury is what I’ll say. [Laughs]

I bet he did! Last but not least: Richard II is bringing you back to the stage. Wicked is giving us the musical theater moment we've been craving. Is there a musical theater moment that’ll be live on stage in Jonathan Bailey's future?

Potentially, actually. Maybe in 2026. 

On Broadway?

I would! I had the best time recently in New York and I watched as many things as I could. I saw Stereophonic, which, to me, was like a religious experience. That, and Oh, Mary! And Cole Escola.

That is what it's about. I would come back to watch that; I was so inspired by it. Obviously, I'd love to [be on Broadway] at some point and you just have to wait and see what pops up. 

Source

[sgiandubh]

Sasnak City - a different view

I will never encourage you enough to read the whole comments' thread of a post you liked. Otherwise, it's blink and you'll miss it, as I almost missed the only feedback of the Sasnak City event we have on this side of the spectrum: @rosfrank's. She graciously agreed to let me repost them and I truly thank her for the kindness.

Her comments were made under two different posts, so I collated them and vetted their content as much as I could, given the unprecedented context of the SAG-AFTRA strike and the scarcity of details. I did not watch the recap on Instagram, because I am not a fan of the format.

I had no idea Sasnak City was a consistent partner of the Camp Encourage for autistic children project. At least since 2020, as a very superficial Google search shows:

...in 2020, with RR...

... in 2022....

What is Camp Encourage?

This:

Do you have any idea of what it is to be the mother of an autistic child? I don't have this honor. I have never been through the stress and the pain of looking for the right solution, for the good therapist. I never had to swallow my impotent tears and fight with the angel, fruitlessly asking myself why did it happen to me.

I can assure you that career, money and the white picket fence house which mortgage you just paid off do not matter. Not when you wait dejected, with your well-garnished checkbook and no hope in sight, until the good doctor will finally see you. Not when your child is a desperately inaccessible fortress. Not when you tell yourself you just can't take it anymore and yet miraculously find out that yes, you eventually can, over and over and over again.

Before judging, you might want to take a moment.

Side note: the man who supposedly is not good with kids interacted with the organizer's autistic son. On stage (try and take an autistic person out of their comfort zone, anyone?). Oh. What an inconvenient truth, again.

Different figures circulate. I think this is pretty close to reality and also to the 'small and personal fan convention format'. Not sure it made anybody rich overnight, after you deduce all the costs - part of proceeds went to the above charity, anyways. Zealots would like more transparency, perhaps. With which moral authority?

Second bone of contention and a particularly unsavory one, at that, the disrespect of the SAG-AFTRA's strike rules:

What was I telling you, the other day?

As for the limbo, I cannot believe no one bothered to look around a bit for confirmation. On Facebook, for example:

They did their due diligence homework. This announcement was posted on July 14, 2023, with a solidarity with the strike hashtag to boot. Propaganda? Hypocrisy? Oh, give me a break. It is legally impeccable.

There you go. No mention of the show anywhere - check. Screened questions - check. Only the SS paraphernalia (pics, etc) supplied - check. Books still ok for autographs (at S's discretion to go ahead or not, which means SAG-AFTRA is ok with, by the way) - check. Make lemonade when life gives you lemons and 'be creative' - check.

Where is the problem? Why certain sleuthing skills suddenly vanish when it's about formulating a balanced, reasonable POV?

Let me guess. It's all about the "go away, ugly socks, your story sucks" syndrome. Oh.

You'd wish, duckies. You'd wish.

I am not these people's lawyer. Playing Atticus Finch completely ceased to interest me sometime around 1998 AD. I even doubt we can stand each other IRL, for reasons. But I am not discussing people, here. I am discussing and debunking a homespun web of self-righteous lies.

Thank you, @rosfrank. Your gesture was generous and very, very brave.

[infranuz]

Hii can I get a Chishiya x reader where the reader is an artist? It can be in whatever format u like, I don't really mind. Please and thank u!

“ A PAINTING FOR YOU!! ” — chishiya x artist!reader

where chishiyas s/o is an artist who likes to take painting commissions, except this time valentine’s day is getting closer and they want to make a special gift just for chishiya.

— HIHI!! TYSM FOR REQUESTING,, I had this idea to add on to the request hopefully you don’t mind<3 but I hope it is to your liking!! ,, ps there’s most likely spelling and grammar mistakes so anything I missed, feel free to correct me 💕 also so sorry for writing this 4 days after valentines😭 ,, also,, mentions of wife and husband..

it was currently 10 pm, saturday february 11. three full days before valentine’s day, yet you were still busy finishing up your commissions instead of planning something special for your boyfriend. the thought of making something for him this year crossed your mind as you were scrolling through Instagram looking through your feed. it wasn’t a bad idea at all actually. surely chishiya would appreciate a gift.

you were a painter who made portraits and other paintings for people, chishiya admired this. he always wondered how you were so patient yet fast when handling your art. truly a unique talent, even for him to admit. you had actually tried to teach chishiya how to sketch and make a good painting, the basics. not once did it work out. he may be a fast learner but sticking to the med field instead of art would be better.

still, you always kept his painting attempts most of the time. point is, valentine’s day was approaching rather quickly and this year you wanted to use your talent to good use. it had to be something meaningful yet pretty, something he would love to admire. this was your second year as a couple celebrating the 14th together. you had thought of other things to possibly gift the half blond but chishiya was never the materialistic type so choosing something for him was rather difficult.

so that’s when the idea of a painting came in, i mean you could easily finish a canvas in three days, right? the moment you realized what you wanted to do you got up from your bed and immediately started to sketch out your idea. you only had three days to finish the painting, thank god chishiya didnt live with you, otherwise the gift would’ve been a big fail right from the start.

after about an hour of narrowing down your ideas, you went for the safer option, your favorite date spot. it was more of a rough sketch idea since you weren’t fully sure when you first started, finishing the sketch would probably take all night but you were willing to take that risk. of course you would be closing and pausing your commissions just until the 15th so you could focus on the main thing.

obviously the colors would be a pain to find so mixing and combining the ones you had at home were the safer option. greys, whites, some really pigmented and bright ones others pretty dark.. yet it was a good palette. it all looked good together when you tested it on a small scaled canvas. it was now 7 am, frebruary 12th, took all night to finish, but at least the picture itself was done.. good news!!

although the bad news on the other hand,, chishiya would be arriving at your doorstep any moment now. he would always make sure to see you before a shift of his at the hospital, which was quite early. you had to put a cover over the canvas and securely lock your art room beforehand. it was screaming suspicion but who cares, not like you killed anyone. though the idea of chishiya finding out his gift wasn’t pleasant so before he arrived you tried to look natural which wouldn’t be easy with the evident dark circles under your eyes that made it obvious you hadn’t slept an inch.

right after you walked back to the kitchen the sound of keys trying to unlock the door were heard. normally you would be happy yet sleepy of his presence right before going to work. this time you were nervous and still sleepy, he figures things out way too quickly specially when you act suspicious, he can read a person too well. you heard him go upstairs, thankfully not where your art room is at. confused you waited for him to come back downstairs, “there you are, I thought you were still be in bed” chishiya made his way to the counter. on sundays you stayed in bed until he arrived and woke you up to eat breakfast.

“I woke up a tad bit earlier today” you turned to him with two mugs filled with hot water. “morning chishi” you smiled at him trying to shake off the nervousness. he looked up at you and his eyes immediately landed on the dark circles right beneath yours. “did you not sleep well?” he frowned. “ah, this? I was finishing up some commissions last night that I completely forgot to sleep haha..” he raised a brow at you with clear confusion, but questioned no further.

to anyone, you staying up finishing any art project of yours would be normal, to him it’s was very,, weird. chishiya knew you all too well, you would never and when I say never it’s because clearly, never have you stayed all up all night trying to finish a canvas. still he didn’t mention a single word of this, “you should’ve told me, you could be sleeping right now instead of having breakfast with me” it was your time to frown, “but I wouldn’t have seen you today, anyway it doesn’t bother me I purely run on coffee” you said proudly.

“you’re stupid” he sighted, though truth is he was glad he got to see you before work, long hours at the hospital were exhausting specially when he didn’t get to see you all day. he would never admit to that though. “make sure to sleep after, it’s not healthy not getting any sleep, you could get sick” there he goes again scolding you about your health, it’s almost as if he was your husband and you his wife. “i know, i know, don’t worry i will” you weren’t..

he left soon after you packed his lunch, which was rather silly. everytime you thought about it, it would be almost as if you were a married couple. with a quick kiss and hug he exited your house and walked to his destination.

right after he left you grabbed your keys and unlocked your art room again ready to continue. he would scold you later when he finds out you went straight to your project rather than sleeping. but that would be a worry for later. sadly he wouldn’t be back until tomorrow when he finished his shift.. at least it would give you more time to work rather than having to hide your painting.

at some point you decided to stop and actually take a small nap, anyway you were half done and it was 1 am, february 13th. once again you put a cover over the canvas and locked the door before walking up to your room and finally sleeping. yet that didn’t exactly do much for your eye bags.

“you didn’t sleep again?” he sounded tired and sleepy the very next morning he arrived from the hospital “you haven’t slept either chishi” whenever he arrived at your doorstep tired from his long hour shifts you would grow worried for his health. “let’s get you to bed” you grabbed his hand as he followed. it was a pretty normal routine by now. he would sleep at your house while you either stayed right beside him or went out to buy groceries. this time you would have to go back down and finally finish the project. which was very risky considering he was there.

he immediately knocked out after he felt himself laying down, you giggled at his sight as you went back downstairs. you made sure to lock your art room before starting so he wouldn’t accidentally walk in on you making his gift. after many hours later the painting was finally done and you could get a good rest right next to your boyfriend.

finally the 14th of february arrived, you were excited to show him his present that you worked hard on. hoping that he would like it even more, you took him to the exact same spot that was painted into the canvas. a picnic date to be exact. you were both clearly still in need of sleep but that business would be for later after your date.

he had a bag and some flowers in hand when he arrived, he was wearing the white hoodie you got him last year with a white shirt underneath and sweatpants.. typical of him. the canvas was right beside the basket of food you brought but that would be opened after you were done eating.

some small typical talk later you both finished your food “thankfully you had today off, you seriously needed a break” you were picking up and trashing the items you no longer used. now, it was the time for gifts , much to his dismay. chishiya was never good with words so he always just handed you your gift straightforward “here” he grabbed the bag by his side and gave it to you. it was a necklace with both of your initials although the s stood out more.

you let out a grin “thank you shuntaro”, surprisingly he didn’t buy you a ring, (he was about to).. actually even more surprising, he got you jewelry. you asked him to clip the necklace from behind your neck. it was a pretty necklace needless to say. he also handed you a letter but he advised you to open it later when he wasn’t in your presence anymore.

now it was your turn to give him his gift. you let out a deep breath and grabbed the boxed canvas behind you. “i wanted to gift you something special this year, so hopefully you like this” you hand him the painting.

he slowly unwraps the tie and opens the box, for a second you see his eyes widen as he stares at the content inside, slowly they soften and he smirks “so this is what you were hiding” you look up at him shocked “YOU KNEW?!?” you couldn’t believe such a moment was ruined by him telling you he already knew.

“it was pretty obvious dumbass” you sighted in defeat “at least you didn’t know what the painting contained..” you smiled softly “do you like it?” you looked up at him, his eyes to be exact. he only hums and smiles at your words, you feel all the nervousness lift from your shoulders.

you launched yourself at him with joy as he falls back on the grass. his hands travel to your waist as he hugs you. truth to be told you loved these moments were chishiya showed just how much he actually enjoys being with you without him having to actually say it.

your hands land on both of his cheeks, a small kiss to his forehead. “i’m glad you liked it, let’s have more years together okay?” you smile at him. chishiya could only chuckle at your words yet agree, he looked forward to spending many more years to come with you and truly, only you.

[thewordworrier]

Heaven Ain't Got A Vacancy

[Siren gets herself in a spot of bother and contemplates her life choices.]

Word Count: 6,650 words. Warnings: Non-described implied character suffering. For a bit. Near death experience, I think. Notes: ~ Title from "Planetary (Go!)" by My Chemical Romance. ~ Uhhh. Something a little bit different I think. Slightly less bubbly, slightly different format. I saw an Instagram reel and my brain just started chewing. ~ Is this canon for this particular world? I don't know, maybe! Probably! ~ I'm a little bit... Uncertain about this one, but, I can't keep looking at it any more. So I'm gonna throw it out there. ~ Oh, and in case it's not clear, Siren is Shelly.

[Setting: the Danger Days AU. In some kinda BLI capture situation. This would be a smaller BLI building/base, a smaller team, I think. Not some giant HQ kinda building.]

Siren hissed, biting her tongue and the insides of her cheeks. She was trying so hard not to be too expressive, because she knew she was being watched and showing her feelings was obviously not a good idea here, but that… That hurt. That was… That was more pain than she’d ever felt in her entire life. Physically anyway. Emotional pain was different. Losing her family had been the most emotionally painful moment of her life.

Her first family anyway; her birth and blood family. Because she had a new family now, a found family. Her sweat and sand family, as Ghoul had said once. That had been funny, and had become some kinda running joke.

Her second family… That bunch of idiots. And she used that term affectionately. She hoped they were okay. She hoped she’d done enough to keep them safe. She hoped they wouldn’t be stupid. She hoped they would actually use their brains, stay away, use their brains and run. Not come for her. Because then they’d be falling into what she’d been scared of from the beginning of her time in the sand - getting someone hurt because she wasn’t enough. Enough anything in this case; smart enough to stay alive, good enough at fighting, fast enough at… Anything.

She swallowed down a groan. God, it seemed to be spreading. How fun. This hurt. Not that she was sure what “this” was - they’d forced her into taking something, but like hell did she know what. All she knew was that she was hooked up to something and everything hurt. It almost felt like the blood running through her veins was on fire. And she was feeling incredibly fuzzy.

If she was honest, she might even go as far to say that she might even be dying.

~

Siren had read once, before she ended up here and before she ended up in the Desert, that after the body gave in, the brain lived on for seven minutes. She’d also read that during those seven minutes, the brain would replay all of its fondest, favourite memories. Though, she did wonder what kind of order the memories would come in; whether they’d be oldest to newest, or if they’d be in some kind of countdown.

She had wondered if that was what people meant when they said that life flashed before your eyes before you died. Or did they say that your life flashed before your eyes when you were in danger of dying? She couldn’t remember. She had wondered at the time, which of the two would be better, but now she figured that she’d rather see all the “good things movie” instead of the “whole life movie” - because that second one might contain sad things.

Death was scary, and she didn’t want to be scared and sad. Although, if her brain was going to show her anything from her other life, with her blood family, that might be a little sad. But if she was in her final few moments, she’d hopefully be seeing them soon anyway.

~

Seven minutes.

A cluster of memories of herself and her blood family. She was still blonde. She was a bit younger, maybe a teenager? She was happy. It was a little fuzzy, but she knew that being happy with her family was a normal, standard state of mind. This memory might’ve been a birthday, or maybe Christmas, though she wasn’t sure. They were at a table, she was at the head end. Her mama was hugging her from the side and kissing the top of her head, while her grandparents sat either side of her.

These mental images were actually regular occurrences in her old family home; her being in the middle of her family. She even used to sit in the middle of her mother and grandmother on the sofa.  Her grandfather would then sit slightly across from them in his own chair. Well. It was a slightly oversized chair - Siren could remember sitting next to him as a small child, and then as a bigger child, and then as a pre-teen. They used to read together a lot. He used to read to her, and she used to love every second of it.

She used to read with her grandfather, cook with her grandmother and craft with her mother. They all used to spend so much time together, all in the same room, sometimes doing their own thing. Sometimes her, her mother and her grandmother would all be doing something together, sometimes they’d pair off. But they spent a lot of time together. She’d often spend time crafting things with her mother, for her grandparents. Or she’d spend time with her grandparents, making things for her mother - normally she’d spend time with her grandmother for that, and then her grandfather would chip in at the end, or he’d help with the tougher stuff that her little hands couldn’t do. But her family was like that, they always helped each other.

They helped each other and looked after each other and liked spending time as a family unit. She always wanted to spend time with her family, she didn’t want to shut herself in her room on her own. Her mother was her best friend. She had, probably, the best childhood she could’ve ever wished for. She was loved and cared about, she was safe and secure. She wasn’t spoiled to the degree where she turned into a brat, but she didn’t really have to want for or worry about anything. And, it remained that way for most of her life.

Until one day, it all stopped and everything was taken away from her.

She tried not to think about that too much, if at all. She definitely tried not to think about anything in detail. That was just too much - too much pain, too much hurt, too much everything. And she didn’t like to feel that much hurt anymore.

She wished she could remember the smell of her mother’s perfume, the taste of her grandmother’s food and the sound of her grandfather’s laugh. But the thing she wished for the most was - she wished that she could remember the feel of their hugs. She loved everything about her family, and she missed everything, but there had been something so special about their hugs. Their hugs felt like home. And she missed her original home.

She wished she could’ve combined both of her families. That would’ve been the best thing. She loved her new family and the hugs she got from them, but… She missed her blood family. So, so much.

~

Six minutes.

A Desert memory. It was after she’d dyed her hair from the temporary red they’d dyed her blonde, just to help disguise her. That hadn’t lasted long; red was Poison’s colour after all. Her hair was dyed to the deep purply-blue she’d pounced on as soon as she saw it at the market, she was wearing better fitting boots and she had left the once-white BLI button up back on her cot. That meant that she was comfortable. They had been sitting around, either at a gig, or after one - they were hanging out as a group, other Killjoys milling about in the background. She felt happy, safe (as much as you could be out in the Zones) and accepted.

Seeing Party smiling, laughing across the circle, illuminated by the dim lights at night at that moment, was just a bonus. Never mind the fact that she was sure her heart stuttered at the sight. The more she thought about it, the more she was certain that they’d been sitting around a bonfire. Party had been lit up brighter (and he’d been hotter) than the flames that night. To her, at least.

She’d always thought he was pretty, but that was definitely a moment where she felt something more for him. A moment where she’d thought “...Oh. Well. Fuck.” She wasn’t sure if that had been the first moment, but it was definitely one she remembered because of the way he looked in the light, the way it looked like he had a fiery halo. Like some kind of… Neon angel. And, at the time, she’d thought that was pretty apt ‘cause he did save her from BLI after all.

As much as Siren loved the man (and she did, she really did) but she would (probably) never ever call him an angel to his face. She would probably never admit that, in that situation at the least, she needed saving, and he came along and did it. He did not need his ego inflating in the slightest, he was normally already cocky enough. She might admit it to Lux, perhaps, just never to him. She really did think that he’d saved her though, and not just from BLI.

Even if she didn’t know that she really needed saving at the time. Because, she never would’ve said anything of the sort if you had asked her while she’d been working for them; she would’ve said that she was fine, that she would rather stay in the City. But, he came along, made a mistake and accidentally stole her from them. And, as good as she’d had it in the City, she had it good in the Desert too. It was very different, of course but… She had them. She had him. And ultimately, she thought it was worth it.

~

Five minutes.

Another Desert memory, another group outing. This must’ve been during one of the Mad Gear gigs they’d gone to. She had been much, much more comfortable in her ‘Siren skin’ - as her new identity - and very secure in her place with the group. Ghoul had been especially extra flirty, Lux had even joined in a little and the others had been a bit more protective of her, and she had absolutely loved that. She felt so safe with them.

Looking back on it now, she knew that Lux had only been playing along with the flirting because it was winding up Party, because they had been encouraging him to actually make a move. Lux had been encouraging Siren to do the same thing - that’s why Siren had been dressed a little more provocatively that night. A lot more provocatively, actually. On purpose! She’d been dressed like that on purpose. Lux had encouraged it, and Siren had decided that it had been a good idea. She had wanted to tease Party a little. She wanted him to make the first move; just so she was sure that it was what he wanted, and because she was nervous!

She’d danced with the others in their group, even been flirted with by other Killjoys - much to Party’s displeasure, but she still kept returning to them. Every time someone else wanted to dance with her or after they’d flirted with her, she’d return to her group and one of them would pull her in, wrap an arm around her and shoot the ‘offender’ a look. Actually, Party would be shooting them a look while they were near her anyway, but she didn’t know that at the time.

It wasn’t until a tall, teal haired Killjoy (who’s name Siren didn’t quite catch) put his hands on her - slowly dragging one finger from the waistline of her shorts up the middle of her lace bodysuit - that Party appeared behind her. Party wrapped an arm around her and pulled her against him and away from the other Killjoy who had been about an inch away from having his hand brushing against her chest. And Party obviously hadn’t liked that one bit.

“There you are,” Party’s voice had been more of a growl. “We were looking for you.”

That growl might’ve entered her ear but she had felt it over her entire body. She was certain that she might’ve trembled, or at the very least gotten goosebumps. She wasn’t sure if he had noticed that or not, but maybe he had because his grip on her waist tightened.

The teal haired Killjoy looked unamused and tried to protest, but Party almost hissed at him, cutting him off by moving to Siren’s side, his arm still around her waist tightly.

“C’mon,” he said, his voice definitely rougher. “You’re coming with me.”

That had been protective, maybe a little possessive and really rather hot. And sure, the whole group had been protective of her, maybe more so than normal, but Lux had told her later on that her behaviour had definitely pushed Party a bit closer to the edge.

She was incredibly grateful to later go on to find that Party would continue to be protective and possessive over her - both before and after they got together, except after they got together, he would dial up the intensity a bit. She’d act flirty when they were out (living up to her name a little bit but nothing too much), he’d watch her like a hawk, and step in if he thought the other Killjoy was going too far. If he had to step in, it wasn’t because she’d gone too far - Siren was normally very good. But if he had to step in, he would either make a point in front of the Killjoy he was removing her from, or he’d get possessive when they got home. Sometimes, especially if she was a bit cheeky about it, he’d do both.

Siren would be lying if she said that she never played up to it to provoke him a little bit sometimes. The aftermath was always very, very hot and always left her feeling very, very wanted.

~

Four minutes.

This memory was the first time Party Poison kissed her. One arm around her waist, the other hand cupping her cheek. It had been wonderful and desperately wanted. And, if you listened to the others, a long time coming.

It had definitely been worth the wait, as was evident by the fact that once she’d had that first kiss, she just couldn’t get enough. Thankfully, neither could he because from that moment, he could barely keep his hands off of her.

Once they finally got themselves together, Party always seemed to be within arms’ reach of her. If he wasn’t kissing her, he was touching her - even if that was just wrapping an arm around her waist, or hooking his fingers into the belt loops of her shorts. And every time their relationship advanced a little physically? He got even worse, he was even more touchy feely, and spent more time kissing her at every opportunity. It got to the point where the others ended up rolling their eyes and almost yelling at him. It got to the point where she had to tell him off because that was the only way he’d listen.

Actually, she thought that was glorious. She never thought that she’d be wanted like that, even less so when she lost her family - because life with her family had been practically perfect and she’d had so much hope for her future and everything. And that dropped down to zero when she started working for BLI. Because they just didn’t allow for that - there was practically minimal free time, and if you were given permission to date, it was via some match they gave you, made with some programme, and it was supervised and… It was all so clinical.

But he’d come along and had changed that. The Desert had given her hope again, the group had made her think that she’d be okay, and Poison had definitely made her feel worth it and wanted.

Their first kiss had definitely been one for the books, definitely something that she had never forgotten, definitely one she remembered very fondly. But, every kiss got better and better. She didn’t regret a single one. And more importantly, she couldn’t find it in her to even try. There was nothing anyone could say, or anything that anyone could do that would ever make her regret her relationship with the red-head. There was definitely nothing that could be said or done that would ever make her regret their first kiss.

~

Three minutes.

Oh. Siren was certain that she’d be blushing if she was able to. Or if there was anyone around to witness her expression - they would certainly tell you that she had blushed when this came to mind. This memory was of the first time her and Poison were completely, physically intimate. The first time they went the whole way, to use an older turn of phrase. It had been - he had been - sweet and considerate. And he’d used her City name. She remembered that much. It had been so sweet of him to do that, to agree to the silly little request that she’d had. It had taken her by surprise, even though he’d said he’d do it, after she’d asked (very shyly), and it had nearly brought her to tears. She hadn’t expected it to mean that much to her, she hadn’t expected to miss her… City self, as much as she had. He’d indulged her with that one request, and that had meant everything to her.

He had been patient and kind, sweet and reassuring and… He’d almost seemed in awe of her. That had been the most incredible thing to her; the fact that he’d looked at her like… The way that he had. Like she was so special, like she was… Almost rare? Like she was worth it. And that feeling had been… Strange to her. It always had been up until that moment, and continued to be strange. Right until BLI had put their hands on her and she ended up here.

It wasn’t that she didn’t believe that he cared, that she was special to him, that she was wanted, because eventually she did (and truthfully it didn’t even take her that long to believe him). It was just… Somehow, she was still always surprised when she caught him looking at her like that.

If the others were to be believed, he had always looked at her that way.

~

Two minutes. 

“I love you, Siren.”

~

Before her brain could even start delving into that memory, Siren was surprised to feel a sensation - she didn’t expect to feel anything in this state. The sensation Siren felt was a pair of cold hands on her face. That was a bit weird, none of her Killjoy’s hands were ever that cold. Or rough, actually. Well, they could be a little rough but this was a different feeling. This didn’t feel like skin, or the leather of Party’s driving gloves (and she was very familiar with how those felt)… It did feel like fabric but it didn’t feel like a fabric she could immediately recognise.

“Oh my child,” a voice echoed. It sounded feminine but also… It didn’t? It definitely sounded… Almost staticy but definitely kind of rough. “My dear child...”

There was only one… Person. Could you call them a person? Were they more of an… Entity? There was only one… Being! That was a good word. There was only one Being that that voice could belong to. “You must be the Phoenix Witch.”

“Ah, so you are aware.” Their hands ran over Siren’s hair, gently and slowly, actually more in a soothing gesture.

“Of course, I don’t think there’s any Killjoy who isn’t aware of you.”

Normally, Siren would be a little weirded out by the touching but… She was scared of what was coming for her, and frankly, the touches were nice. They were almost comforting. And Siren really, really welcomed that right at that moment.

“Not everyone believes in me though,” the Witch said, pausing for a moment before she continued. “Do you believe?”

“I don’t see any reason not to.”

The Witch hummed and fell silent for a moment. Siren could still feel the hands on her face.

“You are heavy with sadness,” the Witch said quietly, about a minute later.

“Well duh,” Siren would’ve rolled her eyes if she could. “I’m dying and I don’t want to be.”

“You are spirited. I do like that,” the hands gently caressed her face, the thumbs gently running over her closed eyes. “Why don’t you want to be dying?”

“I guess I’m not ready? I don’t feel like this would… Would be a good way for me to go?” Siren felt the hands lift off of her face and, once they were gone, she found that she could open her eyes. She blinked a few times before looking up from her feet to see the Phoenix Witch looking at her. Siren swallowed a little bit and the volume of her voice dropped as she broke eye contact with the Witch. She nibbled her bottom lip, knowing that the Witch was urging her to continue. “I don’t want to leave them. I don’t want to leave him.”

“Mm hm, that’s what I thought.”

Siren twitched her limbs for a moment only to find that she didn’t ache or hurt. That surprised her, and confused her a little bit. It unnerved her and actually, it scared her more than anything else. Because she’d heard that if you’d been suffering (in whatever form) and then you start feeling good again - then the end is normally not too far away. So the fact that she wasn’t hurting did not make her feel good.

She looked around to find herself still in a similar chair, but she wasn’t hooked up to anything. And she was surrounded by sand. She blinked rapidly and frowned, clearly confused. She glanced around again before focussing on something a little further in the distance. It looked like The Diner.

This... Couldn’t be real?

“You’re in a type of limbo right now; you’ve been taken out of the… Disagreeable location and put in something a little more… Familiar.”

Siren jumped. “Could you maybe not read my mind like that?”

The Phoenix Witch giggled. “I’m not sorry about that I’m afraid.”

Siren frowned at her. “I mean, fair, I suppose. I guess this is your… Domain? So it’s only fair that you can do what you want.”

“You are absolutely correct!”

Despite the fact that the Witch didn’t really have a visible mouth, Siren knew she was smiling. Actually, she was probably grinning, judging by the tone of her voice.

“Well,” Siren sighed. “A broken clock is still right twice a day.”

“Stop that,” the Witch tutted. “You’re smart.”

“I wasn’t smart enough to not get myself into this situation,” she shook her head a little bit before she tried to swallow back some tears. “I hope I haven’t gotten them hurt.”

“You’re smart and you care.”

“Of course I care,” Siren almost hissed. “They took me in. They could’ve left me. But they took me in to fix their mistake. And because of that, I fell in love.”

“Ah, yes, the red-head,” the Witch nodded. “You two are very good together.”

Siren beamed for a moment at that statement, before her expression saddened. “I wish it was all different, I wish we could’ve had a traditional future, but if this is the end, I’m glad I’ve known them. I’m glad I’ve known him.”

“You have grown into yourself more since joining them.”

“I don’t regret it,” Siren shook her head. “I don’t regret any of it. But that doesn’t mean I can’t wish it had been different.”

“That is very true. That’s a valid thing to feel.”

“I… I do wish I wasn’t alone right now though… But I don’t think I’d want them to see this either.”

The Witch sighed. “Your heart is so big, you care so much.”

“It’s a skill I guess,” Siren shrugged a little bit. “Maybe even a weakness.”

“Not in the Desert,” the Witch shook her head. “You’re supposed to feel things and care here. It’s allowed. More importantly, it’s encouraged. And you know that.”

“I… I guess, yeah.”

There was silence for a few moments, the Witch observing the Killjoy, although she was purposely not reading the girl’s mind. She didn’t need to do that to see that Siren was both sad, so incredibly sad, and maybe even a little uncomfortable. The Witch wasn’t sure why that second feeling was there, she knew Siren wasn’t feeling any pain. She couldn’t while she was here.

“Why did you come back, Siren?” The Witch asked. “You escaped them once.”

Siren looked up at the Witch, and snorted slightly. “It wasn’t exactly out of choice.”

“Which bit? Leaving or coming back?”

She raised an eyebrow at the Witch. “Both.”

She nodded. “Quick girl.”

“Like I said, it wasn’t exactly out of choice, either time, but this time they dragged be back kicking and…” Siren paused. “Well, not screaming, but biting.”

This response seemed to amuse the Witch. “I thought Sirens were supposed to be vocal?”

The Killjoy raised an eyebrow at her and smiled a little flirtily. “I certainly can be, you wanna test that?”

“Hmn! You’re quite the funny girl.”

When the Witch didn’t elaborate on that statement, or give her an answer to her question, Siren just shook her head.

“I’d rather be back with the others,” she said softly. “We weren’t doing any harm. I just want to be back with my friends.” Siren paused and the volume of her voice dropped even more as she avoided making eye contact with the Witch. “Back with Red…”

The Phoenix Witch looked her over for a solid minute, clearly thinking about something. Contemplating. Seeing, maybe, if rumours about the Phoenix Witch were to be believed. Although it certainly felt longer to Siren, who shifted under her gaze, and dropped her eyes so she was staring at the floor.

“You don’t have your mask on,” the Phoenix Witch said finally.

Siren shook her head. “Of course not. They took it off of me.”

“You’re supposed to die with your mask on.”

“I would have! I would… Be?” Siren shook her head again, slowly this time. “If I had it!”

The Witch sighed and lifted Siren’s chin with a finger. “You can only die with your mask on.”

Siren blinked rapidly as the Phoenix Witch slowly cupped her hands around Siren’s face again. The gesture and the words felt purposeful. “O- Oh?”

The Witch gave the Killjoy a look, wondering if she would figure it out. When she got a slight shake of the head in response, the Witch gently squeezed Siren’s cheeks.

“I cannot, and will not, take you without your mask.”

Siren’s eyes widened, and watched as the Witch removed her hands from her face before she took a step back.

“Besides,” the Witch continued, almost thoughtfully, as she folded her arms and tilted her head. “I don’t think it’s quite your time. I think there’s something you haven’t done yet.”

“What…” Siren blinked rapidly at the Witch. “What are you talking about?”

“Don’t know, can’t tell you,” the Witch replied quickly. Maybe too quickly.

“Hmn, I think you do know,” Siren narrowed her eyes. “Maybe not exactly but I think you know something.”

“Don’t be too smart,” she tapped Siren’s nose gently and chuckled when the Killjoy scrunched her nose up.

“Lemme guess,” Siren continued as she eyed the Witch. “You know more than you’re letting on but you can’t say because, something something, changing the timeline?”

Despite the full face mask she wore, Siren could tell that the Phoenix Witch was smiling, and that made her smile a little in response.

“Anyway,” the Witch returned to holding Siren’s face. “I cannot take you without your mask, young lady.”

Siren giggled before smiling.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

The Witch shook her head before she squeezed Siren’s cheeks, using her thumbs to gently close Siren’s eyes.

“So I’m gonna need you to go back and get it. You have to die with your mask on, Killjoy.”

~

While this conversation was happening, the rest of the Fabulous Killjoys were hunting down their missing member. They’d managed to find the building with little effort, and they’d even managed to get inside. It didn’t seem to be as manned as they’d anticipated. Nor was it as up to date as some other locations. Jet Star would later theorise that maybe this ‘mission’ was an unsanctioned one and that maybe Siren wasn’t on their radar at all.

While the building wasn’t as big on the outside as most, the inside was more like a small labyrinth with too many corridors, which was a surprise. You wouldn’t think that it would be like that if you looked at it from the outside. So, it took them a little bit longer to get through to the inner rooms.

Once they’d gotten that far though, it was much easier to divide and conquer in their search for their missing friend.

Ghoul, the swift thing he was, almost darted past the door frame that led to the room Siren was in. He almost missed the doorway but he backtracked and stuck his head into the room. You could see the exclamation point light up about his head and he called back into the corridor behind him.

“Found her!”

Party Poison appeared by Ghoul’s side faster than they thought even Lux could run. Ghoul only just had enough time to get out of the way so the red-head could get into the small room. He practically skidded to a stop before rushing into the room and over to the chair.

“Siren!”

Ghoul bit his bottom lip but turned his back to the pair - both to give them some privacy and also to keep watch. It didn’t stop him from being able to hear what was going on behind him though.

“Siren!” Party tugged at the restraints a little before cupping her face. “Hey, I’m here now, I’m here, it’s okay.”

He glanced over his shoulder to see Party gently shaking her.

“Wake up,” Party had to swallow. “Siren, honey please wake up.”

Ghoul bit his bottom lip and quickly turned back around in case Party caught him watching them, during a pretty vulnerable moment. Seeing someone be vulnerable and hearing them be vulnerable were two different things after all.

“Just because I originally found you like this, doesn’t mean I’m returning you!” Party said, a little louder, sounding desperate as he tried to wake the girl. “I’m not trying to undo the last… However long! You belong with us, Siren!” Party swallowed and almost choked out the next words. “You belong with me.”

The man in the doorway gulped. Ghoul could hear the stress and the fear in their leader’s voice. He wasn’t really used to hearing him sound like that. Ghoul wasn’t sure if he’d ever heard Party sound like that. Kobra, yeah, when Lux was taken and they hadn’t mobilised as quickly as the taller man had wanted, but Party? Not to his knowledge or recollection.

Party, on his knees on the floor in front of her, eventually managed to untie her - shaky hands were definitely a massive hindrance. That made him feel better, and had he not been so panicked, he might’ve questioned why BLI had used such… Weak? Restraints. He half expected her to move, or to slide off of the chair and into his lap, but she remained in the seat. That had to be a good sign, right? That she wasn’t that weak? He leant up as much as he needed to hold her face.

“C’mon girl, please. You can’t leave us. Lux is gonna be so cross!”

Ghoul winced from the doorway. The longer this went on, the more broken Party sounded. And he really didn’t like that in the slightest. Part of him hoped the others wouldn’t have to see or hear this; hear him, see Siren - but the rest of him hoped they’d show up soon. He had the feeling that, if this went really, really south, he’d need their help to remove Party, and to grab Siren. Because there’s no way that their leader would let them leave her here. To be honest, Ghoul wouldn’t let them leave her here either, and he doubted Lux would. They wouldn’t let BLI keep her.

“You can’t leave me, you can’t,” Party gently squeezed her cheeks in an affectionate manner. His voice had taken on that false happy tone you use when you’re trying to convince someone else that you’re not about to break. “You don’t have your mask on! You can’t die without your mask on!”

It was at this point, with those words, in Siren’s limbo, that the Phoenix Witch’s voice started merging with someone else’s and Siren frowned. She couldn’t quite tell who’s voice it was and she was unable to open her eyes again, like she had in the beginning. She wasn’t sure if she could feel someone’s thumbs on her eyes, but she was a little more certain that someone was holding her face. It felt like a different pair of hands - they didn’t feel bandaged like the Witch’s were. The more time passed without her being able to open her eyes, the less the voice sounded like the Witch and the more it sounded like someone else.

Party looked her over again and finally saw that she was hooked up to a small machine. There didn’t seem to be a heart monitor so he couldn’t tell what was going on, whether it would be safe to turn the machine off or not - but a part of him thought that it would be a bit more obvious, more hospital like if they were actually monitoring her properly, so he assumed that it would be okay to turn the machine off.

So he did, even if his hands shook while he did it, even if he held his breath, because he honestly wasn’t sure if this was going to help her or hurt her. He just hoped that it was going to help her. He wasn’t ready to lose her. Then again, he didn’t think he’d ever be ready to lose her. He definitely didn’t want to lose her like this.

He exhaled as the dial on the machine clicked down into the off position - because he’d learnt that it was better to turn these things off slowly and not just all at once. His hand dropped to his side and he listened for a moment before turning on his heel and going to kneel back in front of Siren. Although, he focused on removing the tiny tube from her, quickly pressing his bandana to where it had been attached in case she started bleeding. He spent a couple of quiet moments checking on this, actually a bit worried that the small wound wasn’t filling with blood. He swallowed hard, gently tied the fabric around the wound and moved to touch her face again.

“I love you, Siren, please don’t leave me.”

Siren recognised the voice that time. She tried to move a bit but her arm felt heavy, and she wasn’t quite able to open her eyes yet. For a moment, she was terrified that the Witch had taken her sight in order to send her back but… Surely the Witch would’ve told her if that was going to be the case? Siren hoped so. She decided to go with the belief that she just needed time, maybe a little energy to be back on this “plane” so to speak.

While she thought that she hadn’t moved, Party had noticed her eyelids flutter - ever, ever so slightly. He was paying incredibly close attention to her after all. He blinked rapidly and he shifted away from her for a moment, removing a hand from her face to hold one of hers. His thumb stroked her cheek and he tried to divide his attention between watching her face and watching her hand.

“Siren?” He whispered before feeling her fingers twitch. “Siren!”

Ghoul spun on his heel at the louder call of her name. “Is she -?”

Party didn’t take his eyes off of his girl. “Siren? C’mon girl, it’s okay, you’re okay, I’m here. It’s me, and no agents, you’re safe. I just need you to come back to me.”

Her fingers moved against his again and his eyes widened. He let go of her face and took both of her hands in his, gently squeezing her hands. Just for a little bit before he watched her for another moment before leaning forward and pressing his lips against hers.

He wasn’t to know that him doing that was actually a massive help, a massive jumpstart of energy that Siren needed - it was almost like the Phoenix Witch knew that he’d be there when she woke up.

Party swore that he felt her warm up. He wasn’t totally sure though, so he probably wouldn’t mention anything to anyone - except maybe her later on, if she felt like talking about it. But, he kept kissing her, just little pecks on her lips or cheeks. Until he felt her kiss him back.

Ghoul had been watching this until Party started kissing her. He pulled a slight face at that point and started to turn around until he heard their leader squeak. By the time he turned to face them again, Siren had her hand on the back of Party’s neck to hold him close.

“Ew,” Ghoul choked out a little, trying to be his usual playful, flirty self about it but really, he was happy that she seemed to be okay. Instead of watching them again, he began to search the room quickly, just in case there was something useful around. “Can you two not? Can you maybe wait until we get back?”

Party pulled away from her enough to rest his head against hers. He felt her move her head a little to press a kiss to his forehead

“You okay?” He asked, trying not to get emotional. Not yet anyway. They weren’t home yet. 

Siren smiled, nodded a little and hummed. “Think so. Ask me later.”

“I thought I’d lost you,” he whispered, nuzzling the tip of his nose against hers.

“Can’t get rid of me that easily,” she grinned tiredly at him. “You’re stuck with me.”

“Good,” Party moved to his feet and held out his hands. “Ready Ghoul?”

Ghoul checked one last drawer. “Yup, all good.”

Siren went to take Party’s hands but her legs wobbled. “Oh no, I don’t know if I can -”

Party and Ghoul looked at each other for a moment before Ghoul just grinned; they clearly had the same idea.

“I’ve got your back,” he said, nodding for Party to go ahead and grab her.

The red-head rolled his eyes with a smile and sighed before stepping forward and hoisting Siren up over his shoulder. She squealed a bit.

“Hey!”

“Well, this is familiar,” Party gave her rear a slight pat - a double tap even.

“And I still don’t like it,” she protested before squirming. “Seriously, please carry me another way if you’re gonna carry me.”

Ghoul shook his head, waiting in the doorway.

Party put her down and immediately had to steady her. “Okay, yeah, maybe you’re right. Let’s keep you the right side up this time.”

“That’s a good idea.”

“I agree, actually,” Ghoul said, sticking his head out of the door. “Seeing you wobble like that wasn’t good.”

Siren squeaked as Party picked her up again, bridal style this time. She raised an eyebrow at him, only getting a bright smile in return. For some reason, this made her blush.

“I’ll be okay,” she held onto him tightly, despite the fact that she knew that he could hold her up like this. “Can we get out of here now?”

[jariten]

My Favorite Manga in 2023: Part 2

Like in part 1 I will skip the titles I already covered in previous roundups.

女の園の星 (Onna no Sono no Hoshi), Yama Wayama

初恋、ざらり (Hatsukoi, Zarari), Zaku Zakuro

うちのクラスの女子がヤバい (Uchi no Class no Joshi ga Yabai), Seiko Erisawa [Ichi-nen Ichi-gumi omnibus edition]

インターネット・ラヴ! (Internet Love!), Kiko Urino

レイニー通りの虹 (Rainy Doori no Niji), Keiko Fukuyama

葬送のフリーレン (Frieren: Beyond Journey's End), Kanehito Yamada & Tsukasa Abe

Yama Wayama appears to be on a continuous upwards trajectory as the manga comedienne of the reiwa era which I got to confirm for myself with the hit Onna no Sono no Hoshi. The episodic comedy about a teacher daily terrorized by his students and coworker. And with the scanlation well on its way I just want to say please experience it for yourself.

Uchi no Class no Joshi ga Yabai I had eyed ever since I started learning Japanese and the new omnibus that coincided with the ongoing sequel series gave me a great reason to finally pick it up. Box of Light by the same author was on my list last year and I not only liked the premise of it but also loved the anthology format of the story. For similar reason I really liked Uchi no Class: In the world of the series high school aged girls may experience the activation of powers.... that are completely useless and troublesome. We follow the students of year one class one, a class infamous for always having the highest concentration of useless powers. Dreams projected into the sky, X-ray vision that turn everyone around you into terrifying anatomy models is only the tip of the iceberg. I can't resist a gimmick premise done successfully and the variation of characters and powers kept the premise fresh like older characters who haven't yet "grown out" of their powers or a trans girl storyline.

Hatsukoi, Zarari follows the young woman Arisa diagnosed with a light intellectual disability and autism. Living between jobs and having a hard time turning down men who only want to have sex she has always struggled with her own self worth. This is until she falls in love with an older coworker who is charmed by her personality and quirks. But will things change if she opens up about her diagnoses? Zaku Zakuro has made manga and shared online about living with ADHD and asperger syndrome, giving this story a very personal and different perspective focusing especially on how stigma around developmental disabilities can be what causes the most friction and pain.

Internet Love! is a love story for the social media age with a budding romance that goes across borders. Bisexual nail artist Tenma has for years been a fan of a completely ordinary man from Korea named Uno who appears to be addicted to posting his life on instagram, daily filling up his story until the posts are lined up like dots. Thinking he held nothing but a healthy distance of "standom" for Uno, but he instead hits rock bottom when his insta favorite posts a girlfriend reveal. Tenma no longer able to bring himself to open the daily insta stories sinks into a depression, but Uno takes note that a certain someone stopped checking up on him... I was instantly charmed by this and was especially taken by how their clumsy attempts at communication without being able to speak each others language or no lingua franca was portrayed and the personal styles and fashions of the characters I just adored the whole thing.