#this was very much one of those things where i didn't really know how it was gonna play out until I went through it
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Unexpected Calling – Part 2
Part 1 | Part 3 | Masterlist
Fandom: Marvel
Prompt: A world class contract killer finds an envelope at his dead drop. Inside are $23.42 in short change and a letter handwritten by a 9-year old girl.
Type: Series
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x F!Reader's daughter (platonic obviously), Bucky Barnes x F!Reader
Genre: fluff, action, slight angst, might get smutty but idk yet
Warnings: None for this chapter, it's really all fluff. Maybe a slight disclaimer about a lil kid interacting with a total stranger and some mom panic, but nothing bad happens!
Word count: 2.4k
Send me an ask to let me know if you wanna be added to/removed from the taglist!!
A/N: Trying to let myself just enjoy wirting and not overthink it all too much, so I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's a little bit of filler but I thought it was cute and it was fun to write. And yes, I know, it took forever to get posted. I had a lot going on, and I still may not be posting super frequently but to those of you who love this series so far, rest assured: I will still post, even if it's slow.
Any and all mistakes are my own as this chapter is unbeta'd, I did all my own editing/proofreading for this.
Text dividers made by @firefly-graphics <3
Transportation had really come a long way from what he'd been so used to when he was younger. There were planes that's the air of the skies with their quiet rumblings, helicopters that you could hear coming long before they appeared, and cars. Cars were so different these days, he'd gotten used to them but it just wasn't the same. Some part of him still couldn't wrap his mind around the concept of phones being able to connect to the car. And that was just one of many new upgrades.
But Bucky didn't take his trip by air, customs were a bitch to get through on a normal day let alone when he needed to bring weapons with him. He didn't take a train either, because–well. He'd had an uneasy feeling with them ever since 1944 when he fell down the mountainside. So, instead he went by cross-country bus, and kept to himself in his seat once he got on and found one near the back where it was mostly empty. Being perfectly on time, if not a little early, there were a fewhandfuls people that he watched enter in the time that he waited for the bus to start moving. His watchful eye kept them in sight here and there but for the most part, he simply pulled his dark red baseball cap down a little lower and looked out the window to help hide his face. He could only hope that when one passenger entered with not one, not two; but three small children, that they wouldn't be very loud.
Oh how very wrong he had been. Not even 20 minutes into the trip and two of the rugrats were already whining and fighting with each other. Bucky could only stare at them in distaste as he blinked at the sight, wondering how in the world such tiny things could make so much noise. Granted, he'd never really had to deal with children, not like this anyway. And they couldn't have been any older than 3 or 5, each of them. The oldest of the three seemed to be perfectly fine and well-occupied, thank heavens but that didn't make it any more desirable
Sucking a deep breath in, Bucky suppressed the urge to ask the clearly struggling mother to turn off the screeching, and pulled out a book from his day-pack, beginning to flip through it to find his spot. Maybe if he just pretended they weren't there, they would disappear from his mind.
Not likely, but the effort was still made as he focused on the pages of the small paperback copy of The Hobbit he'd brought with him. Glancing up when it once again wasn't working well, he was caught by surprise when suddenly the older child was standing right there by his seat row, and admittedly he tensed in reaction as a sort of mini-flinch. She hadn't said a word, he hadn't even heard her walking over. But there she was, standing with her stuffed bunny in her arms, simply staring at him while he did the same. Both were quiet for a long moment before Bucky glanced up the way towards where her mother sat with her brothers, clearing his throat. "Can I…help you?" He asked a bit awkwardly as he brought his furrowed-brow gaze back to the little girl. Once more, she didn't really say anything, instead just looking him over quietly. Then, she climbed herself up into the seat next to his since it was open, and Bucky was starting to wish he'd put one of his bags there. "Hey, look, kid- your mom- ….what are you doing?"
She shrugged as he stumbled his words out, and glanced down at her bunny fiddling with it a little as she got settled in the seat. "Too loud." Her answer came simply, and while it didn't answer his question completely, he definitely understood the feeling.
Sighing slightly, he glanced towards her troubled mother once more, and then back to bunny-girl. "...Alright, what's your name kid?"
"Mandy." She replied quietly, glancing up at him a moment later with big green eyes. "What's yours mister?"
"Bucky. My name's Bucky." The man paused for a moment then, almost as if debating whether he should send her back to her family yet or not, but she was calm and quiet, and wasn't harming anything. And it wasn't like he was going to let anything happen to a little kid, so he dismissed the idea for now and instead went back to his book.
It was a minute or so later that he felt the little girl–Mandy, he reminded himself silently–leaning over the arm rest between them slightly to see what he was reading. Brows knitting once again, Bucky glanced from the pages to the young girl, whose curly pigtails somewhat bounced in the way of his view of the words. His mouth parted a fraction, ready to let something slip off his tongue to tell her to sit back and let him read. But nothing came. He didn't know how to tell the girl to get out of his space without, well… being a dick. This was a *child* it would have been different had it been an adult. So instead he simply blinked at her in silence as he debated how to handle it.
Mandy seemed to sense he was looking at her though, because then she met his gaze and inched back into place in her seat, curling around her stuffed, yellow bunny, the apology clear in her demeanor. "I just wanted to see your story." She muttered out, albeit the words likely came out a tad muffled because her bunny's head was pressed against her mouth slightly.
Kids. There was something about them that just- got to him. Admittedly, maybe some part of him had a soft spot. One that he'd probably always had, an instinct he'd never been able to shake. And maybe there was something about that moment that reminded him of the slightly younger girl that he'd been on his way to help, that made him realize he was already traveling across the states to investigate the disappearance of some kid's mother. A small gesture really couldn't hurt him. He may not have said anything, but he did nod, and as he brought his crisp blue hues back to the book in his hands, he started reading the words out to her, quietly but still loud enough to be heard against her brothers' tantrums.
Whatever she'd been expecting, Mandy seemed delightfully surprised when he began reading to her, and her eyes lit up as she looked from him to the book, leaning over once again but this time while staying back more in her seat meaning her head rested against his arm lightly, so that he could still see but she couldn't help wanting to peek. There was something about how trusting she was, about how trusting kids often seemed to be, that just genuinely baffled him. Maybe it was because he'd been so jaded for so long that it was just a mind boggling concept to see such innocence. Or maybe it simply was a brilliant anomaly that children lacked the cynicism of their parents and the adults around them, that they saw things grown-ups didn't and thought of things that were unique to them.
Bucky didn't know when the crying and whining had stopped, but eventually the sun went down around them and it was dark in the bus, nothing but the glow-in-the-dark caution stickers and the light of the full moon to let him read the words on the pages. And just as he'd glanced over towards the little girl next to him, seeing that she was well on her way to passing out completely, he heard her mother patter over looking both exhausted and annoyed. "Mandy- for God's sake, you cannot-" only then did the woman seem to register that her daughter was half asleep, not really hearing her mother much and so all that Mandy gave in response was a tired hum as she nuzzled against Bucky's arm a little more.
Well, shit. He may not be experienced with children but he knew enough to know that if he moved she might wake up. And frankly he didn't even know if she'd let him move. Glancing up towards the mother, he offered an apologetic smile. "Didn't mean to scare you…she just kind of walked on over and climbed up. Seemed like you had your hands full so I hope it's okay I kept her busy for you?" He whispered to her, stopping her before she could rage at him–if that was what she'd been about to do, that is. She looked tired, and scared, understandably so. And most of all she looked ashamed that she hadn't even noticed her daughter leave.
"O-oh…thank you, I- I mean, I'm sorry if she caused you any trouble, I just- yeah…those boys…sorry they were so loud, they're in that phase…" she apologized sheepishly in hushed tones of her own, rubbing her palms against the fronts of her jeans as her gaze flicked between her daughter and the quiet stranger of a man. "I passed out and then I…I woke up and she was gone, I'm so sorry sir."
"Not a problem, honestly. She's pretty decent company, let me read in peace with her." Reading that nervousness on the woman’s features, he paused for a moment before shrugging his free shoulder up. "Don't sweat it, I shoulda sent her back…I was going to, believe me but uh. Well, at least now you get a break, right?" He tried to ease her nerves, but then glanced down towards Mandy. "I can carry her back to your seat if you'd like."
He was just so damned kind, she thought. A complete stranger and yet her daughter was clearly safe and well, asleep even and yes, now everything was quiet and she had some time to relax. It didn't stop her mom-dar from going off, but at the very least she'd be a fool to not appreciate his kindness. "No, no it's… it's okay, I don't want to wake her, she's a bit of a light sleeper…just uh, if she wakes up let me know. I'm Erin, by the way…in case that helps." This time it was her turn to offer a kind smile.
"Bucky. Nice to meet you…I'll keep it in mind, hopefully she lets you have a break though." He chuffed an amused breath out his nose.
Doing the same, she shook her head. "Yeah, if only. Thanks, again…I'll let you uh. Read in peace." She teased lightly, taking a hand back through her hair as she went back to her seat before the driver could reprimand her for standing up so long.
Smiling in amusement at that, he watched Erin go back to her sons, and in turn went back to his book after a moment. It was the small things, that made life easier. The small things were what really made things worth it. Sure, saving the world and saving people was big, and it was good. And it was worth it. But sometimes it was moments where he managed to do something more mundane, and helped someone else, that made all the other shit worth it. Because it meant he was still capable of being human.
———
By the time the sun was back up, Bucky rose with it, his eyes slowly opening to the light streaming through the window and he groaned quietly at the crick in his neck from how he'd slept. Running his flesh hand over his face groggily, as he glanced around he noticed that the warmth that had been leaned up against his arm the night day before was no longer there. He would have been concerned, thinking he'd now somehow lost some stranger's child, but he saw the pigtail-bearing girl peeking up over her seat at him a moment later, watching her smile appear once more as she gave him a little wave. Crisis averted. Not like there was anywhere she could really go on a bus, but still.
Despite still being a bit plagued by morning sleepiness, he smiled back and gave the girl a small wave of his own before watching her sink back into her seat properly. Probably at the urging of her mother. His sleepiness didn't last long, though, because soon those boys were back to making noise, but at least it wasn't as much of a headache as yesterday because it was merely them playing and babbling about random things. That was tolerable. And so he relaxed a bit more, rolling out his neck some before he picked up his book again and went on reading.
Somewhere along the way, the lone mother with her trio of children had reached their stop and were gathering their things to leave. It was Mandy who escaped her mother's sight once again to go see the kind man at the back of the bus who had read to her, bunny still in her arms but this time with a warm smile in place. "Hi Mr. Bucky! Mommy said I shouldn't bother you again… but I just wanted to say I liked your story and you're very nice." She didn't give him time to process all of that before she climbed up in the same seat as before, and kissed his cheek for a moment before hearing her mother call her name.
"You're welcome, Mandy. I think your mom needs you though, better get going." He encouraged even as he seemed surprised by her display of affectionate gratitude. The little girl wiggled back down from the seat then, but not without turning to wave at him, walking backwards to do so. "Bye Mr. Bucky!" She rushed the words out before running along to catch up to her mother. Watching her run along, he smiled at her little goodbye, and waved back at her as she went on her way. He wished that woman luck with her undoubtedly trouble-filled journey, honestly. Because he had his own coming up and somehow he felt like she was going to have it harder.
The rest of his ride went on rather uneventful, and when he arrived at his stop it was almost nighttime. But he was all the more closer to getting this job done, so saddling himself up with all his bags, he made his way into town and started heading for the address he'd gotten on the envelope.
Tags: @baw1066 @fluffydanger @vicmc624 @sjsmith56 @capswife @dispatchvampire @sofi1sstuff @sarbear94 @impeterporker @hhiggs @safiraish @kayden666 @saltedcoffeescotch @mcubuckyandsteve @thebuckybarnesvault @himikotoga
#marvel#marvel fanfic#marvel fanfiction#marvel fanfic series#bucky fic#bucky barnes#bucky barned fanfic#bucky barnes fanfiction#winter soldier#winter soldier fanfic#winter soldisr fanfiction#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes x reader#bucky x reader#winter soldier x reader#winter soldier x female reader#bucky barnes x you#bucky x you#winter soldier x you#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky x y/n#winter soldier x y/n#reader insert#mcu fanfiction#mcu fanfic#mcu fic#marvel fic#fanfic#fanfiction
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Ok I am going to talk about something that's been on my mind recently.
Major warning ⚠️ might get deep.
Also ADHD RAMBLING SORRY IN ADVANCE 😔
Regarding Alastor and the Seven year absence. Ok so I see how In some recent posts people say Alastor must feel forgotten by the Hasbin crew, cause When Sir Pentious and Dazzle died they got a portrait and a statue. While Alastor got nothing. And Charlie thought he had died too.
But while that is true I'm surprised no one talks about how Alastor already felt Forgotten long before the fight. I'm talking about when he finally got home after 7 years disappearance.
My boy didn't get a Welcome home,( although he did get one from Carmilla later on)or a " Hey are you ok". Nothing. What does he get. Pushed around, Judged ( though it's quite understandable it's still wrong) and even told that he basically didn't matter. Remember the scene between Carmilla and Alastor. Alastor was basically asking her " Hey while I was gone, Did you at least think about me"?. And Carmilla response was definitely " Eh Not Really, But welcome back in any case".
Sure he looked pissed but if I was in his place I'd feel very hurt. I kinda noticed how everyone treats Alastor as if he is the worst thing in hell. When there so much worse * cough Valentino cough*
From what I understand he only targeted those that hurt others. Maybe Hell was pissed because in a way he was saving other souls. Taking them from their abusive owners. Which is fucked up but it's hell. What do you expect?
I firmly believe Alastor grew up in a abusive household and definitely witnessed his mother getting abused which definitely affected his psyche. Maybe his father killed his mother and after killing his father he vowed no one will ever go through what he went through.
So he targeted awful people and offed them. When he got to hell. I think he felt his work wasn't done yet and now he is in the land of abusers and monsters. Maybe deep down. He was the one SCARED 😨.
Maybe he killed so he could feel safe in a twisted way. He ended up selling his soul cause he was scared. His owner who i headcanon is like Mother Gothel definitely didn't help. She manipulated him into thinking she is keeping him safe. When In reality she was using him for his powers.
I also headcanon that ( now this is going to sound crazy) His owner forces him to dress and act the way he does. She wants to be the only one who can play with her toy. His owner definitely doesn't share. So she will try to make him look in her eyes unappealing. We all know this doesn't work though. As Vox had fallen in love with him.
Now I don't believe Vox ever hurt Alastor and as much as I love stories where he gets 😳 obsessed. I actually would be happy if they become best friends again and hope it was just a giant misunderstanding just like Fizz and Blitz.
Still something happened That hurt Alastor deeply that he now hates anything to do with television. My Headcanon is cause Vox started to spend more time with Valentino and accidentally leaving Alastor in the dark. Alastor enjoyed spending time with Vox. Going dancing at a club, listening to radio shows. Even cuddling in a blanket watching a movie. But I think the main reason he enjoyed Vox's company is cause, His owner couldn't touch him. She couldn't hurt him in any way.
Kinda like how a person wants there friend over so there abuser doesn't hurt them. The abuser won't cause they rather do their evil deed in secret.
In other words Alastor felt safe around Vox and when he started spending time with Valentino and less with him. His owner would hurt him.
But no one knew this cause Alastor always had a smile on his face. Always seemed sure and confident of himself. This is a perfect representation of " You don't know what happens behind closed doors". I think this was a learned habit from childhood too. Maybe after his father abused him or/and his mother he would threaten to kill them if they told or even showed any signs of abuse.
His owner definitely has that power. If she has the power to give him power then she has the power to erase Alastor from existence. I think she threatened his afterlife multiple times.
Anyway eventually Vox and Alastor have a big fight which pissed the owner off. And she took him away for seven years. Personally I am among those that think she TORTURED him during that time.
I think she let him out and told him to watch the princess and make sure no one gets redeemed. She sews a smile on his face so everyone thinks he is happy and fine. Again reference to what I said earlier.
Alastor goes back home and everything has changed. Probably a culture shock to him. He goes to the hotel and had to pretend everything is ok. Maybe he was all touchy feely with everyone cause he wants to feel safe and secure. Like he is finally home and not hallucinating. When he is pushed away he acts like it doesn't matter but I think it does. I think it hurts him deeply but because of the abuse he endured in childhood and his afterlife he puts up a front as a defense mechanism.
As Alastor told Charlie
" Just because you see a Smile, don't think you know what's going on underneath. A smile is a valuable tool my dear. It inspires your friends, Keeps your enemies Guessing and says no matter what comes your way, Your the one in control".
In a roundabout way he was basically calling for help without saying he needs help. Remember he can't tell her or anyone about what he went through. Of course In a way it means he is still a prisoner. His owner can take him away at any time and this definitely scares him. So he will do anything he can to prevent this from happening. Even making a deal with the princess of hell.
Anyway So while after the battle I think he felt Forgotten, I think he already felt that way. Like he doesn't matter and he wants to matter. His owner and father probably told him that he is worth nothing and no one will miss him while he is gone.
Well he was gone twice and NO ONE missed him.
That's very sad when you think about it and I'm surprised no one had brought it up yet.
Once again I apologize for my rambling thank you for reading
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If we're being mean about it, I think it's entirely in-character for Tumblr to call any story falling outside the Wayne Family Adventures paradigm "out of character". I mean, did that phrase ever really mean anything more than "I didn't like this characterization?"
Oh this is a spicy take, and one I���d like to dig into.
I don’t think that’s entirely true (see how much time tumblr spends yelling about their hatred of Tom Taylor, when Tom Taylor’s characterisation beats and storytelling are tonally similar to Wayne Family Adventures, to the point I’ve actively recommended his Nightwing run as an entry point for WFA fans who want to read main universe comics), but yes I agree that as far as superhero comics go, ‘out of character’ is most frequently used as a cudgel for ‘I didn’t like this storyline/characterisation’ or quite often ‘my favourite was in the wrong here/wasn’t the viewpoint character’.
My personal conception of characterisation in comics (and for any long running universe handled by multiple writers over decades, actually), is that every character has a range of what is ‘them’, and different writers slide back and forth along the scale of that range. Bruce Wayne written by Paul Dini (as a caring, empathetic hero) and Bruce Wayne written by Frank Miller (as a gritty angry hero raging at the world) are both Bruce Wayne, they’re just very different conceptions of him in the range.
Not everything ends up getting captured by that range; there are occasions when you get stories that are genuinely out of character, where there’s no continuity between that story and other appearances of the character, where every other writer and the fandom at large generally agree to drop and ignore that story. However, those occasions are less common than most people think, and what’s far more common is a later writer massages the story and applies a soft-retcon to ‘fix’ the situation.
That Danny Devito Penguin and Catwoman story where they solve COVID by vaccinating the world then disappear into the sunset as a couple? Ignored by everyone. Hal Jordan as Parallax? Subject to multiple retcons in terms of the reasoning for how and why things happened.
A bunch of the biggest ‘that was out of character’ arguments are over things where someone has decided THEY don’t want to treat some story as having happened (usually because it makes their beloved character look bad), and then a later story goes “okay, but how about we reference that story, look at it from a different perspective, and how that changes things?”. The comics fandom as a whole is large, widely distributed across platforms and communities, and very much does not think in one mind. Generally for every story you hate, there are others out there in the fandom who really enjoy it. Even truisms in certain communities over what is ‘bad’ don’t necessarily hold outside those communities. (Rob Liefeld still gets work as a comics artist, and while some of that is related to who he’s friends with, people still buy his comics!)
And finally, there’s what I like to think about as the comics perspectives issue. One of the unusual characteristics of superhero comics is that they’re wide shared universes…where we get to see stories from a LOT of different characters’ perspectives. Characters tend to appear in stories differently when they’re the main character of that title, to when they’re a side character or an opponent of the main character. That’s because the viewpoint character colours how that character is perceived. Bruce can be a noble hero in Batman, the father figure his kids are struggling against in their titles, a self-righteous blowhard in an antihero book like Poison Ivy, the irritating know-it-all colleague in Green Arrow, and the reliable best friend in Superman/Batman. They’re all still Bruce Wayne; different characters just have different relationships with and perceptions of him.
And a lot of complaints about ‘so and so is out of character’ is because in their own title that character has had some self discovery and characterisation to better themselves…and then in a book where they’ve got a walk on part, they don’t appear to have changed. And that’s a ‘this book is not about your blorbo’ problem more than a ‘your blorbo is out of character’ problem. Your blorbo might be being used as the heel or the obstacle in the title. The viewpoint character may not have seen this internal change as it hasn’t manifested externally. Maybe, change is hard and characters can and do backslide. Or maybe…this title isn’t about blorbo and the writer is just using the default ‘everyone knows’ characterisation for them because they’re not actually that important to the story outside of the writer needing someone who is likely to do X.
It's a sliding scale! This is how Jeremy Adams Flash and Si Spurrier Flash are both two great, fun Flash books…but tonally in completely different universes.
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Joker and I agree on one thing, I guess.
Following you and a couple other people on here has made it clear that I really need to read more comics. As a kid, I was raised in a rural area by conservative parents. Not outright abusive, mostly, but definitely not people I could be myself around, and basically anytime I was enthusiastic about something, people gave me shit for it. So if childhood was an exercise in learning to hide in plain sight in order to survive, adulthood for me has been a journey of letting myself be myself and explore stuff I wasn't allowed to explore as a kid.
It's also been a journey of realizing how much the adults in my life fully failed me as a kid. I only really understood how much their shit affected me when I first really felt loved and accepted by someone, without having to hide, and that didn't happen until I was past 30. Now that I'm able to start making moves to sort my shit out, the Orange Menace is being sworn in, so there are about to be more forces than ever invested in keeping me miserable and beaten down.
So in a very real sense, I'm scared about what's happening politically. I'm angry, too, for obvious reasons, many of which are not personal to me. I don't have to be an undocumented immigrant to think they should be treated with basic human decency, for example. I don't have to be Jewish to be horrified by people chanting shit about them. I don't have to be a target at all to give a fuck, but I'm trans, so I have the distinction of being labeled a problem and the knowledge that I'm in one of the last groups that will be defended when shit hits the fan.
But I am angry and frankly annoyed for personal reasons. And one of those reasons is that I spent my life hiding and trying to be acceptable, and when it didn't work, I thought it was my fault. I'm not perfect, but I feel like the deck was stacked against me from the start, and making it my fault was just one big scam to keep me complacent. I'm annoyed that it fucking worked so well and for so long.
The annoyance also comes from the fact that these people are living rent-free in my head and controlling so much of my life. But that's part of how they make you feel helpless, you know? You focus on all the weight they're throwing around, and you get overwhelmed by the brutality and cruelty of it all, and you feel so exhausted that you start to wonder what the hell the point even is of talking about it.
But that's what they want. I've survived out of spite before, and I'll do it again. The last thing they want is for people like you and me to enjoy anything in life and find reasons to keep going, which is exactly why you have to keep finding reasons wherever you can, in whatever form they take. So I'm going to enjoy what I enjoy and explore what I want to explore, because finding some kind of joy and good in the world when and where I can is the only way I'm going to survive all the things that are coming.
Thank you for existing, by the way. Sorry I wrote a book on here. I'm going through some stuff, as you might have guessed lol
🚨WATCH: Donald Trump and JD Vance mockingly laugh at the National Prayer Service when the National Cathedral Bishop proclaims "let us pray for the most vulnerable."
These monsters are the antethesis of what Jesus preached.
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author ask tag
thank you so much for the tag, @the-golden-comet! ooh this is gonna be fun!
i'm going to focus on my current wip, Why Should I Be Careful? I'm Going To Die Anyway! because it's still very much in the planning stages (despite how much I'm writing for it) and I have Thoughts
What is the main lesson of your story? Why did you choose it?
I'll be honest, I haven't really thought that far ahead. I suppose, if there is a lesson to take from WSIBC?IGTDA!, it might be that you should always chase your goals and desires, and screw what other people think. Maybe put a little more thought and planning into yours than Aura does hers, though. I mean, she almost dies due to her recklessness. Don't be like Aura.
What did you use as inspiration for your worldbuilding?
Well, it's a zombie book - I love zombies, in case you can't tell - so the world is an amalgamation of zombie stuff I love. The zombies are based off of the Train to Busan zombies. This is a self-insert mess, so I'm using the town and people I know in the town as location and characters. Little tropes here and there that I love in movies and books alike. It's just a big chimera of stuff that I grab from stuff I remember and shove into it. It definitely needs polish when it's done, but I'm having a blast so far, so I'm'a keep doing it :3
What is your MC trying to achieve, and what are you, the writer, trying to achieve with them? Do you want to inspire others, teach forgiveness, or help the reader grow as a person?
Uhhhhhh this is a tough question. Right now, Aura is trying to make it to Roger's Grocery Mart to save her girlfriend, but most of the time, she's just trying to have a good time in the zombie apocalypse and hopefully not die. She does eventually grow into a character that (mostly) thinks things through and takes other people's situations into account, so I suppose the lesson is "the world doesn't revolve around you - be kind and helpful to others"?
As for what I'm trying to achieve... mostly, to be honest, I just want people to pick up my book and have a good time reading it. I want to write a zombie book because it's my passion and because there aren't enough zombie books out there. I guess I'm trying to inspire others? To show them that you can survive an impossible situation if you work hard and think things through?
How many chapters is your story going to have?
The only time I've written a full-length book (sorry, the only two times, forgot about Zero: ALPHA), it had about twenty-odd chapters. Z:A had...uh...thirty? That was a long time ago and I sadly no longer have that draft. This one is going to go until it's done. Hopefully more than thirty though!
Is it fanfiction or original content? Where do you plan to post it?
Original content! I have no idea where I'm going to post it. I'm torn between Draft2Digital (originally Smashwords) or Substack. Thing is, I'm really bad at marketing and keywords and all that technical stuff that goes into publicizing, so I'm really hesitant to share it at all. I'm the type of person that gets absolutely morally devastated if my own self-inflicted goals aren't met, and I'm not sure if I can handle that kind of crushing heartbreak with this one lol
So yeah. Might publish, might not. Unsure right now.
When did you start writing?
My dad set up a Windows 95 computer for me in his office, his old one, and taught me the basics of using it. I was five, about to turn six. I immediately sat down and wrote a story about unicorns. I've been writing ever since.
I didn't start writing fanfiction until I was thirteen and had just binge-watched Lord of the Rings for the first time. We don't talk about those works. They were awful.
Do you have any words of encouragement for fellow writers of writeblr? What other writers do you follow?
Write it. Oh it's cringe? Who cares? Write it. Oh, it's a rare pair? Write it. You're worried people will hate it? Fuck the haters. Write it. Writing is about having fun. Writing is about pouring your soul onto the page. Writing is about getting those ideas out of your head so they don't drive you insane. It's about reaching that one person that finds your work and loves it. Even if no one reads it - you still accomplished something. You still wrote it. And no one can take that from you.
I have so many writers in my follow list. Uhh. I have no idea how many are still active, so I'm just going to tag who I know and hope for the best lol
@idyllicocean, @keeping-writing-frosty, @bloodtiesnovel, @asher-writes, @kitswrite, @theink-stainedfolk, @karkkidoeswriting, @lavender-gloom, @orphanheirs, @aquixoticwrites, @alinacapellabooks, @marlowethelibrarian, @flock-from-the-void, @dyrewrites, @storycraftcafe, @writer-imagination, @toragay-writing, @inseasofgreen, @stephtuckerauthor, @thatndginger, @finickyfelix, @eternalwritingstudent, @drchenquill, @paeliae-occasionally, @the-golden-comet, @talesofsorrowandofruin, @watermeezer, @goldfinchwrites, @winterandwords, @badscientist, @clairelsonao3, @i-can-even-burn-salad, @leahpardo-pa-potato, @mjparkerwriting, @rowanwriting, @oliolioxenfreewrites, @emelkae, @rita-rae-siller, @rebelxwriter, @kaylinalexanderbooks, @stesierra, @francineiswriting, @sunset-a-story, @chauceryfairytales, @hollyannewrites, @jaydenswaywrites, @captain-kraken, @violets-in-her-arms-writes, @romy-thewriter, @pure-solomon, @writingmaidenwarrior, @koiwrites
go, go follow them. they're all so good and make my timeline glow.
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The News - Life and Times of Ashley the Crow (Crow HRT 6)
Previous
*************
Whenever a prominent and famous otherkin announces that they decide to transition into their species completely, and especially after they finish the process, it becomes the number one hot topic among the community. That was such a day.
"So they really made it through?" Arja said, looking into the sky.
"Yes. Half the fan base is in chaos."
"Lucky them. I wonder where they are now."
"Nobody's really sure. I bet on some lonely cave in the mountains."
Something about the clouds that day felt fervent that day. The world opened a new chapter.
"You know, they were a very big figure. A lot is going on. It feels like the greatest debate in the world."
"It really seems to dislike the idea of discarding your humanity just like that."
"It always tries to stop social changes. Individual, collective, one dog."
"So how loud are those who think it's suicide of the mind?"
"Greatly."
Arja sighed. "I fucking knew it."
"But other sides are getting believers too."
"And what do you think?"
"That you're still yourself. It's just your behaviour that aligns with your body."
"That's a nice way of looking at it."
"That's what the most proves point to."
Our talk brought my mind to a topic I wanted to move for a long time.
"Arja, do you want to go all the way?"
"Would you miss me?"
"Maybe. But I would root for you and appreciate our time together."
"Even if I had to go to a lonely cave in the mountains?"
"Yes, I'd get ready for that."
"Aw, that's sweet. But no, I'd much prefer to go for hybridisation."
"I see. Then I guess you're close. You'll be mighty, I'm sure."
"Thank you, sweetheart." Arja made a pause. She wasn't sure whether or not she wanted to ask her question. "Hey, if you could do it then how far would you go? Don't answer if you're not comfortable."
"All the way."
"Really?"
"Don't tell me there were no signs."
"I mean, there were. But with how much you like to write I wasn't sure."
"I think talons and the beak are enough to use a keyboard."
I quickly realised I wasn't telling Arja the entire truth. I knew that I should be more honest.
"Well, that's what I would like to say."
"It's not just about that. My body takes anything medical worse and worse recently. I'm afraid that if I tried to do it it would destroy me. And I'm not even talking about my heart anymore."
"Eh, as if it all couldn't leave you."
"Yeah."
"But didn't you got through much tougher stuff?"
"Last time I had new complications."
"And would you like Her to win?"
I knew who Arja referred to as Her. If you are in the otherkin community you have for sure heard about a particular writer. One that really wants us gone. One that I swore to one day be better than.
"True. I can let a lot of people win, but not Her."
"Now that's the Ashley I know."
"Hey one more thing."
"Yeah?"
"Would you like me to be your pet?"
"I don't think one can keep crows."
"Well, that sucks. And I guess that's another reason why I don't know anymore."
"Hey, we can still be friends. I can leave you fruits in a feeder."
"Thanks. I don't know what I could do for you though."
"Oh, just peck on the uninvited guests."
"And without violence?"
"I'm sure you'll figure something out."
*************
My crow cooldown has ended and here I go. I wanted to write about something else and less emotionally, but I changed my plans after I saw the last page from @ayviedoesthings . I think half the community did.
Also, for those who are like me and have a hard time learning idioms, "one dog" means roughly "there's no difference" and I encountered it in Polish.
Aha. Maybe there's a good reason why you can't adopt crows in many regions of the world, but not for a constitutional homo marriage ban. Caw with me if you agree.
#crow hrt#furry hrt#furry#furry art#animal hrt#otherkin hrt#therian hrt#writers on tumblr#writeblr#writing#my writing#sabine flyover
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" yeah Violet needs to make this official so I can meet the two of ten, the girl sounds so adorable and he sounds like a good fit but I can't tell without knowing him, well actually I can cuz you approve and you read people like children books, you know the one where each page is like so think you and hard, like almost from a cardboard... you know what I mean?" he said trying to explain but had no idea what they were called " the once that have like huge letters and very few words" he then stated trying to explain how good he felt Isaiah was at reading people. " but oh my god, can you imagining Aid a big brother? that's just the cutest thing ever. i want that for him, I think he would be a really good big brother" Leo then added
" no, it really does give me super powers, once its off my mind cant focus on whats important, but those things are clear as a day when I'm out on a call. Once I leave the fire station I feel like... like...." Leo wasn't sure how to explain it. e didn't wanna say broken, or that he was a pace of shit, but he often felt like that. He often felt like a bad husband because of all the setbacks and extra trouble he put on Isaiah, and at times, feeling like such a failure of a husband really pulled him down. He didn't know how to express it, he knew Isaiah didn't see it like that, and those were the days Leo put up his walls an hid in bed all day, lying that he had a terrible headache or that he just didn't feel good. That kind of was true, he felt terrible emotionally. He had voiced this once at therapy, but he had decided never to do that again, it just made him feel even worse about it. The therapist had only kept saying his emotions were valid and that he just needed to find a way to talk to Isaiah about it. That only frustrated him even more with himself. " that's just temporary and then they go home and.... " leo was starting to breathe a bit unevenly, trying not to lose his cool but the water was fighting his eyes "What if I just.... what if our kid needs us and I just freeze? that if he needs us and I can't get out of the bed in the morning? what if I'm out with our kid, and randomly have a panic attack? what if.... what if" leo felt his mind spiraling and he couldn't put his words into sentences, it was all bundling up into a mess. He quickly looked away, he couldn't look at Isaiah when he was like this. Isaiah didn't deserve all this second-guessing. " I'm sorry" he then whispered.
" im not okay with it. I don't want you to have to ask and look for approval every time. Its so frustrating" Leo admitted but he knew Isaiah had enough patience for the both of them and that made everything so much easier. Leo took a deep breath " I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to get so.... frustrated. its not your fault. " you are so loving and caring and respectful and.... all the good things baby. I really do appreciate you, you know that right?" he asked biting his lip. If square one was what they needed, which it was, leo was going to put in so much effort to move up fast. Leo might not like to be in control, but he lived having a voice and be herd, even tho it might not be 100% verbally, Isaiah got his body language so well mapped down.
After saying Isaiah hadnt, Leo douted himself, Isaiah most likely had, Isaiah always complimented him for everything. but in the moment Leo couldn't remember so no was the answer he was rolling with. Isaiah had gotten Leo in the mood right now, he wanted nothing more than his husband. " yeah Zaya, I want you to make love to me please" the young man begged his husband
Leo longed for his husband's touch, his husband's warmth and love. He could never get enough of it. Isaiah made him feel like the most important human alive. He made him feel safe and adored. Leo knew that with Isaiah everything was more than okay, he knew his man would read his signs when Leo couldn't get out the words. His man might not run out of turning buildings with people over his shoulder, but his man saved many lives every single day, Leo being one of them. The police job was far from easy, Leo knew that, he knew the toll it could take on his husband, both physically, mentally and emotionally. But his ban was so strong and leo had promised to always e there for him no matter what he needed, he would do everything he could to support him.
Isaiah had the man breathing unevenly from pleasure as he tried his best keep cool. " how?" Leo didn't feel like his brain was working properly at the moment, his mind kept going to what Isaiah was doing and how amazing it felt. Leo couldn't help but pull ever so slightly on his husband's curls motioning him to come meet his face. the purring had only made him want his husband's love even more. " your patrol car would be so freaking hot, but I am not about to get you in trouble, ever. Thats work, we don't do things there." he said... before his mind drifted to the countless of times they had snuck off at work to have sex. In the shower, in the broom closet... pretty much everywhere they wouldn't get caught... or less likely at least " okay.... never mind, I take that back.... but no not your patrol car" he chuckled a the thought " i´m impatient today, I want you right here, right now" he told him softly. " I want your love baby" he expressed
Feeling his husbands hand on his dick and feeling his body move so their faces met in a soft and sweet kiss got Leo smiling, he really did know all of leos signals. Feeling Isaiahs nose brush against him earned Isaiah an even bigger smile. " oh baby, that wont be a problem, its just you and I in this world, and our moment" he stated, Leo always did get lost in their love making. All his worries washed away.
" oh baby, your not the only one, I need you so bad, I need you all wrapped up in me. "
Isaiah loved that his husband wanted to protect his best friend too. Violet and Leo being close made his heart happy because those two people were the ones that kept him from sinking time and time again. "Reign's got the cutest little girl. She's a little bit younger than Ayd is." Isaiah could remember Reign bringing his daughter to work one time. He'd gave the little girl a cupcake there to make a good impression. Nala seemed appreciative and had smiled so widely back at him.
He could see his husband's mind spiral as he started to think about the future that might happened between him. He seemed to be questioning if was fit for fatherhood which seemed bizarre to Isaiah. Isaiah got to witness first hand how his husband was around Violet's kid when he stopped over for a sleepover here. He was so playful, endearing and creative without even having to think about it all. "Once you take the uniform off you are the exact same person, babe. The uniform doesn't give you superhero powers. That's all on you." Clark Kent was still Superman - even when he wasn't clocked in. Isaiah knew the reasons why his husband was questioning all this. Isaiah and Leo's childhoods were different. He grow up with loving parents and a big brother that he admired and worshiped. Leo, on the other hand, had a dreadful experience. His parents were horrible. The experience that he went through shaped him into the person he was. "What makes you think you aren't? I see you around all our friends kids. I see you making them smile, comforting them, loving them."
Isaiah reached out for his husbands hands as Leo told him that he knew he loved him and wouldn't do anything to hurt him. That was right. He wouldn't dream of rushing Leo into do anything with him. Conversations were important. It was a starting point between them. "I'm okay with picking up from square one again as long as you are. You know I wouldn't do anything without you telling me it's alright." Leo's consent was the most important thing in this relationship. Isaiah knew his husband hadn't always had the option to give it out which is why he always checked and then double checked.
Isaiah furrowed his eyebrows because he should've told his husband just how great he looked from this angle countless times in the past. Those other times were missed opportunities and he wouldn't make the same mistake again. His husband deserved to be complimented. Feeling the other's hips buck up to meet his mouth meant whatever he was doing was working. "You want me to make love to you?"
Sex with Leo had a deeper meaning to Isaiah. He could remember wanting to bring the hot firefighter home with him that first night their paths crossed when he watched him saving somebody else life. Isaiah could remember watching the scene from his patrol car, practically drooling, eyes focused on the man looking like an action hero with fire blazing behind him and another man thrown over his shoulder before placing him down. He looked so strong and brave. Leo didn't always see himself like that but Isaiah did all the time.
He continued going down as his husband to him all hot and heavy. "How'd you want it this time?" That conversation was one of the most important between them and he always asked to make sure he wouldn't accidentally do something that might trigger his husband. His husband's hand clenching between his curls had him purring. Isaiah was big on having his husbands hands guiding him slightly. "Here? Upstairs? In the backseat of my patrol car?"
He let his hand take over from his mouth for a couple of seconds as he leaned up slightly to kiss his husband again. His nose brushed against Leo's showering him with his love and patience and kindness. "I want us to make love and I want you to not be able to stop thinking about it. I want just the thought of it to get you like all like this." His thumb swiped over the other's member as he watched his chest rise and fall.
"I need you."
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lays on the floor do you guys ever think about how in ResF Bulma falls for Vegeta's fake-out with Freeza and both she and Yamcha are worried about Vegeta's villain fake-out strategy in Champa and Beerus' mini tournament and how it's only been a couple of years since the Buu saga and how Vegeta straight up stopped using that strategy after that tournament
#i do#do you think he noticed it upset her twice in a row and was like 'oh I haven't earned the trust back yet i'll retire this strat'#'it's fun to scare people but i do not like my wife being scared we can put this one up on the shelf for emergencies only'#because like bulma can consciously trust him and I'm sure she does but one can still have The Fear if you've seen your spouse relapse befor#And he probably thinks it's very amusing but it is also almost certainly very not funny for her no matter how much she trusts him#and the next arc is Trunks and she's so worried about the way he left she ignored the PDA rules and squished him when she saw him alive#Because Geets determination can be self destructive when it comes to Bulma and Trunks and he killed himself to protect them once before#and knowing how connected they've been for so long some part of her probably Knew he would opt to stay behind and die like he was going to#And I love the idea that between those two events and all of the things Trunks tells him about Bulma during the GB arc Geets has to really#really be confronted with how loved he is -- and it's not that he wasn't aware before but knowing she even missed him at his worst#and loved him maybe even before she was pregnant -- means the cruel part of his mind can't make excuses for why she stayed with him#I also like to think that being confronted with the idea that Bulma is still scared for him getting his worst wires tripped#wouldn't be offensive to him. Knowing he's still got work to do if his wife is worried about those things happening to him again#is just proof that she loves him with his flaws and was still thinking about it and supporting his recovery when he didn't#even notice he was recovering -- which has always been true of her -- and now he has the chance to support her recovery in return#and being in a place where he can still put that work in to make her feel secure in his priorities is a privilege and a gift#and man I just really like how casually comfortably close they are in Super's manga I love them a lot they worked so hard#to make each other feel safe and secure for the past decade+ that it's Easy for them both now and they're SUCH a confident couple#and I am once again shaking the anime by the shoulders WHY didn't you give us that they are SO the team's Mom and Dad in the manga#until Goku riles Vegeta up -- then Piccolo is the team Dad. Bc Piccolo is the team Grandpa aksjda The Z-Fighter's locker room judge#dbtag#vegebul#putting the whole essay in the tags again oops#happy pride i am gay for a whole married couple
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OK, I was cut off from finishing some posts on Tuesday because of my power outage, so let's take another crack at Rakha's first private conversation with the Emperor.
It has been, to put it mildly, a difficult few days. It's been just under twenty-four hours since Rakha finally remembered exactly who and what she is, and her dreams have immediately gotten markedly worse; rather than indeterminate images of blood and gore, they're specific and brutal, memories of rituals performed in her Father's name and her own hand holding the knife.
She's no longer tied up, but Jaheira and Wyll and Lae'zel have set up a strict guard rotation on her instead - for her own benefit as well as theirs, they say, and she believes them, but it still hurts. And mixed with the bloody dreams of the Urge is other dark thoughts - Vlaakith and Orpheus, the damned clown with his wide leering grin, the beautiful and terrible murder in the temple of Ilmater, the never-ceasing squirm of the worm in her head as they draw closer and closer to the city, the Chosen, the Brain.
And Orin, of course - Orin who stalks them in any of a thousand faces, Orin who (it seems) was the one to first cut apart her brain and her memories and leave her to be tortured and destroyed.
So her night is restless and fractured, tormented by dark images... until suddenly, between one breath and the next... it stops.
Sudden calm, and a warm wave of utter silence through her head as the beast sleeps, the worm stills. She draws a shuddering breath in, keeping her eyes closed, savoring the emptiness.
It's a little different from her previous wakings in the pocket of the Astral Sea contained inside the Prism. She's standing, for one thing, and for another, the Emperor seems to have given up completely on its disguise of the Guardian.
It sits in a strange little tableau overlooking the giant skull at the center of the Prism. Wood planks, shelves, benches sit haphazardly about, as if it tried to manifest a tavern and gave up halfway through. Behind the strange plume of its armor, its shoulders are slumped, its head bowed, though it gives a sharp jerk at the sound of Rakha's footsteps behind it.
"How did you--" A pause. Then it relaxes. "Oh. It's you. I must have let my mind wander, enough for you to wander in."
She shrugs. Does it know, she wonders, the peace that it has brought her in these moments when it draws her to its little chunk of reality? Does it know how she needs that now more than ever? Perhaps not - it seems genuinely surprised to see her, but then again, trying to read an illithid is a losing proposition from the start.
Another silence. She breathes in slowly, out slowly, relishing the calm as deeply as she can in case the Emperor simply ejects her from the dream at once. But it doesn't.
"Forgive me," it rumbles after a while. "I am drained. Ever since you killed Ketheric and took his netherstone, the Chosen's control of the brain has been... brittle. It's rebelling against Orin and Gortash, fiercely." It turns its head slightly, so she can see just the corner of its piercing purple eyes. "I suspected that when we took Ketheric's stone, the brain would begin to break free. Those brainquakes confirm that my suspicion was correct."
The shaking of the earth beneath their feet as they walked through Rivington - that was the work of the brain struggling against its chains. Rakha nods. One small question answered, at least.
But that knowledge clearly brings the Emperor no peace. "I do not know what happens now when it receives its orders. And I do not dare guess," it mutters.
Narrator: You feel the Emperor's fear as if it were your own. An elder brain enslaved is one thing. An elder brain unleashed will be the end of everything.
Perhaps it's the strength of the Astral Tadpole that gives her this window into its mind, or perhaps even the initial worm would have done the same. Either way, the connection is clear - as is the intensity of the illithid's emotion. Surprising, given Rakha's understanding of the beings from Withers, from Wyll, from Lae'zel - that they have no soul, that they have no heart.
It exhales slowly, then lifts its head, looking down into the abyss ahead of them and the giant skull that floats within it, the dim glint of the magic holding Orpehus in place. "Beautiful, isn't it?" it murmurs. "The mighty Prince Orpheus, contained in submissive slumber." A pause, another jerk of the head, another change of subject - the illithid's thoughts, it seems, are everywhere at once.
"Come," it says abruptly. "You may as well sit a while, now that you're here. Your company--" It hesitates; its eyes flick rapidly around it in all directions. "...isn't unwelcome."
She relaxes. Good. It will not send her away yet. She can enjoy the quiet in her head a little longer. She does not care to talk about Orpheus, nor does she truly care what the Emperor thinks of her company - but she needs this peace. She needs it or she will go mad.
She sits down slowly at the illithid's side. Another long silence stretches between them and for a while she focuses on nothing but her own inward quiet. After a while, though, her observant nature reasserts itself inescapably, and she starts to register oddness in the Emperor's bearing. The slight slump of exhaustion again, a fidgeting of the end of its tentacles and the tips of its fingers, that doesn't match the last time they met.
It takes her a little while to rouse from her reverent stupor and speak. "You seem troubled," she says noncommittally.
"An accurate summary," the Emperor says dryly. A pause. "I have found myself... distracted of late." To her surprise, it squeezes its eyes shut with an expression that seems to carry sincere pain. "I'm haunted by memories," it murmurs. "They are relentless. I can think of nothing - no one - else."
Rakha's eyes narrow, perplexed. For a brief, utterly perplexing moment, she thinks it means her, but no. I am haunted by memories, it said.
As am I. Terrible, terrible, blood-soaked memories...
"...Who do you think of?" she asks cautiously, curiosity getting the better of her in spite of herself.
Its eyes drift open again. "Duke Stelmane," it says calmly. "Or... Belynne, as I knew her." A pause. Its tentacles give a sharp, spasmodic flick. "I wasn't ready for her death."
It takes Rakha a moment to place this name. Stelmane - one of the children in Rivington, a newspaper seller, was shouting it. And one of the monks in the temple mentioned it too. Duke Stelmane, another of the city leaders - like Wyll's father.
They said she was murdered. That it was still a mystery.
Deep in Rakha's head, the beast urge tries to stir eagerly at this recollection - but it is restrained by the soporific effect of the Astral Plane on her darkest impulses.
She must look surprised to make this connection, because the Emperor lets out a strange resonant exhale that seems like it might be a bitter laugh.
"You thought you were my first ally?" it murmurs. "Far from it. I have long sought the allyship of others; it is the only way to succeed. Though my relationship with Belynne was... different from my relationship with you."
Once again, it's a puzzling incongruity. Everything Rakha has heard from Lae'zel, from Wyll, from Withers, even from Jaheira, has suggested that illithids do not form relationships, of any sort - that they are soulless beings of conquest. But those are illithids enslaved to a brain; perhaps that is why the Emperor is different?
"How so?" she asks slowly.
Again that subtle tentacle flick. "In life she was my business partner," it explains. Its violet gaze drifts past her shoulder, going distant. "Back when we ran the Knights of the Shield - a difficult task, for a mind flayer. Duke Stelmane trusted me, and the city trusted her. I conceived the plot, but Belynne took center stage. It was she who met with the merchants, politicians, patriars. It was she who negotiated deals and signed off on agreements. Her rooms played host to the most important conversations in the city."
It leans forward slightly, eyes narrowing. "Together we brought order to chaos. At its height, everything that happened in that city went through the Shield. Through us."
A pause. Its voice lowers, with a resonance that she would have called grief in any other creature. "I could not have done any of it without her, just as I cannot do any of this without you. But now... she is gone."
(A/N: I really do find the Emperor such a fascinating character. I've read interpretations of it that assert that it is specifically written to be interpretable any number of ways without one true reading, and that literally who it is and what its motivations are change depending on how you choose to interact with it.
I'm not entirely sure if I subscribe to the idea completely, but I do think it can certainly be viewed a number of dramatically different ways by the PC, and it's very interesting playing through this with Rakha, whose reaction is so different from Hector's distrust and anger.)
Rakha listens to this tale in silence. She does not fully understand the Emperor or how it sees the world and their fight - but she hears a ring of truth in this story. Stelmane, then, was like Wyll - she saw past the Emperor's monstrous nature and helped it to control itself, to do something worthwhile in spite of all those who would (and perhaps should) be afraid of it.
She pictures the idea of Wyll dying to an unknown murderer and - with the beast's automatic glee muted and hidden away - can face the true obliterating grief and rage that would come with it. Perhaps even a mind flayer is capable of suffering, when someone like that is taken away from them.
"I'm-- sorry for your loss," she says haltingly. Sympathy and pathos don't come easily to her lips - but she has heard others use these words before, others who are better at it than she.
It grunts ruefully. "I appreciate your understanding," it murmurs. Its head cocks to look at her sidelong. "What I feel is deeper than superficial cures can reach. And... not entirely unwelcome." A pause. "Most people think that ind flayers are soulless husks who feel nothing. I am glad you are not most people."
Rakha isn't sure that she would go that far, really. She isn't sure she knows enough about the Emperor or illithids in general to judge the state of its soul. But... as always in moments of strain, she retreats back into the objective comfort of the absolute facts that she knows.
The Emperor protects her. Its connection brings her peace she finds nowhere else.
The Emperor is like her. It should by rights be a monster - but it is trying to save the world.
The Emperor had someone like Wyll, someone it lost.
The Emperor, soul or not, is hurting.
In moments when she has hurt, Wyll has reached out to her to comfort her - even before they loved each other. It is something that people like Wyll do when someone needs it.
Perhaps this is only selfishness. She does not precisely care about the Emperor for itself. There are too many unknowns and too much else occupying her mind. She needs its goodwill, its steady mind, to continue protecting her, to continue providing these scattered moments of silence.
Or, perhaps, there truly is a stroke of kindness Wyll planted in her that is able to bloom here when the beast is silenced.
Whatever the reason, she reaches out.
Give the Emperor's hand a reassuring squeeze.
It's a deeply awkward gesture, but nevertheless it seems to strike home with an intensity she did not expect. The Emperor's head jerks, its eyes darting closed for a moment. Its whole body goes utterly still, even its tentacles.
Rakha tilts her head, perplexed, trying to read this reaction.
But then the moment breaks. A visceral rumbling shockwave rolls around them, rocking the ground up under them.
They start to their feet, the moment of calm forgotten in an instant. Rakha's head begins to ache in rhythm with the thumping vibrations.
"Another quake," the Emperor says curtly. "The brain is rebelling again. I need to focus. And so do you."
-----
Blackness. She wakes with a start in her bunk and stares at the ceiling. Wyll, at her side, straightens up, seeing her eyes open.
"All right?" he asks gently.
The beast is awake again, growling at once, low and inescapable in the back of her mind. She sighs and rubs her fingertips against her temple. "Fine," she mutters.
Because he is Wyll, because he is kind, he reaches out and rests his hand on hers - just as she did to the Emperor. "You're all right," he murmurs. "I'm here. Go back to sleep."
And she does, but there is no more rest to be had. The peace is gone, and all the rest of the night's dreams are of blood.
#bjk plays bg3 durge#rakha the dark urge#well that was... odd#idek with her anymore lmao#this was very much one of those things where i didn't really know how it was gonna play out until I went through it#and her thought process in the moment went off a bit from what i was expecting#truly don't know how this is setting up to play out#this feels sort of like another ethel situation#where she's taking all the good lessons she's learned and applying them just slightly too broadly#so that they bite her in the ass#hrmdehrm#the fact that this landed directly after the bhaalspawn reveal feels like it played out interesting#idk#lol
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#they speak!#it's probably just the illness that's making me extra irritable but like.#roommate kept coming up to me this morning going oh did i wake you up? i'm sorry if i did. did i do that or no? i'm really sorry.#and i kept telling him to stop saying sorry because i didn't have the brain power to phrase#'you could've been more considerate of your volume but you also have the right to use the common space so it's whatever'#but he said it to me again before i went to my room just now and it's like. ok. shut up.#if you actually cared that much u would've just been quieter in the first place actually.#anyways. annoyed. there were some annoying customers in the store today but it was whatever.#i feel like my fucks to give had already worn out with all the ppl in my social circle/my parents and the recent ongoings of that#[redacted] was being passive aggressive to me in the group chat and it's like. ok! idk what u want from me.#and i'm grateful for them for coming over and helping me with cleaning last week#and it's those sorts of actions that let me know they care and want good things for me#but like. i haaaate telling them anything because even innocuous non-private things get turned into judgement with them.#also. more and more i can feel how i'm drifting away from h and now with retrospect i can see how we mutually hurt each other :)#i keep coming back to this one period where i really wanted to take them to try dimsum and they kept saying they were too scared to try it#and in their new friend group they regularly go out n get dimsum together. which on the surface is like. why didn't you want to go with /me#i told you i wanted to share what i liked and i would explain what things were and i could do the talking and you still said no#but it's also very much a reflection of how i always rolled over and enabled them. i never challenged them. i was always passive.#i also feel like i'm heavily neglecting e and a recently and i can tell how the physical distance is affecting us and idk. it's weird.#anyways. another post that should've been a journal entry! lol!#when [redacted] helped with cleaning they also buried my journal under my like#300 packets of sesame candies and i can't be bothered to dig it out. also my bandaids are missing now. <3#ik this also sounds passive aggressive but genuinely appreciate the help i just kinda hate how they think hidin everything in boxes is good#'we need to get you some more storage boxes and containers!!' actually i think that will be the opposite of helpful.#i need everything visible and on open surfaces so i can 1) remember they exist for me to use and 2) not have barriers for me to get to them
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thinking about when i had such intense phantom limbs as a kid i told my math teacher about it
#like. I've had phantom wings since i was a CHILD and I'm not even kidding#i remember specifically saying 'i pretend to have wings so much that i can just Feel them there all the time now'#and he reacted in a way where he didn't want to tell me that's weird bc i was a Kid but also he totally thought it was really weird#which. was a reaction i knew very well at the time. that kind of quiet 'i dont know how to react to that but ok'#the trying not to make a weird face about it#so i shut up about it ever since! and then when i was 20 i found out what otherkin was#i remember them specifically being pegasus wings too we've always loved pegasi it was entirely bc of the barbie movie#i can't remember what the term is. for when you're A Fucking Lot of things all at once? poly something?#but we've always been like that#our first OC was plural coded and otherkin coded to the absolute max it was insane#and she was fully and entirely a self insert (at the time. nowadays she's her own guy)#but like. she could absorb souls on the brink of death and communicate with them inside her head#and she could shapeshift into any of those souls' forms at will#and she was supposed to be some kind of chimera#her 'true form' that i made of her was just all of her different forms crammed into one body#like. one owl wing one dragon wing. a dolphin tail. a fox paw and a pegasus hoof. scales mixed with fur. human shaped body. horns#if we weren't a system at the time then we were at least REALLY REALLY susceptible to becoming one we've always been Like This#and I'm willing to say i was an otherkin kid in the same way i say i was trans before i knew what that was#i didn't say I Am A Boy i just said I'm the closest a girl can get to being a boy (a tomboy)#i always leaned towards boys interests and boyish things. in the same way i taught myself to walk like a cat and meow convincingly#(to a point where i meowed once and my sister yelled at me to put the cat down if she's meowing. i was not holding a cat)#i didn't know what being otherkin was but i spent about as much time as possible being as animal as i could get#and i got offended when my friends didn't want to be animals with me. i had a lot of Horse Girl friends as a result#(hard to avoid horse girls in the middle of rural ohio tbh)
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its so important to me that you know how much ive already cried over this wip and its literally only been two days
#if this ever gets finished it will be a blasted miracle#god i just. it is just so much to me#its right in that sweet spot where it fits exactly with the image of the character in my head#AND its pressing on the bruise of an enormous hangup for me in my real life as well#i say this very genuinely: i think if u are not used to the creative process of things like making art/writing/music/dance/drama etc#its difficult to really get into how emotionally significant and worldview-changing those processes can be#obviously they dont HAVE to be. u can sing a song just for the sake of singing it and it doesn't need to mean anything at all if u want#but when u are actually CREATING it. like from nothing. boy that can really get u (in a good way and a not-good way)#and i dont say this to make the creative process sound all superior and grandiose just to make myself feel better - i really do think#that there is smth profoundly transformative and tender inside it that it is so important to feel#i mean. essentially its the feeling that the high school theatre kids are addicted to lmao#but they r totally right to be because it IS addictive and it DOES feel really good#when it comes to writing fic for me it can be such a powerful emotional experience#i only used to get that from dance (and that didn't start to happen until at LEAST 11 or 12 years after i started)#its not always SO intense. but when it is then it Really Is#and i think you can kind of tell when you read it#sometimes its emotional bc its the satisfying execution of a singular vision - its motion capture/out of my head/resist and elongate#and sometimes its bc the feeling is so intensely and overwhelmingly personal - return to me/blood sugar baby!/reeling/sea change/#in my mind i think you can really see it in my human nature series - the one with warden and vega#i dont know if thats purely bc that series means so much to me - its been my baby for almost 2 years now#or if its also bc much of it has happened during a very emotionally intense part of my life#in any case when i say that these things are very personal i don't mean in a literal sense necessarily#im not ACTUALLY out here building stalker museums or cannibalising prison guards or splitting the fabric of time#bc whats important is how it FEELS - at the heart of those fantastical things are emotions that aren't magical or supernatural at all#feelings and fears and desires that i have in my life - translated into something much bigger and grander and easier to talk about#do not worry because this is not going to be read by anyone. but if i were your english teacher i would tell you#to go and have a skim of one of the fics i mentioned just now#and i wonder what you think i was thinking about when i wrote it#what i was afraid of or what i was wanting or what i didn't know how to deal with#i dont have to ask because i already know. but i think you could guess if you really really wanted to
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Yuri's dialogue (JP) is so fascinating to study, like... the repetitive use of certain words/phrases that others use sparingly but he uses constantly. the way it feels like his vocabulary is more expansive than what he uses, but he defaults to a "comfort" level of speech. the way it mixes in with his sort of "street talk" words and the sheer level of informality. the way his "street talk" phrasing is contrasted by the tone of his voice (on that note, people I know who also know JP are also very endeared by these aspects of him so I KNOW IT'S NOT JUST ME!!!).
'cause the thing is, he uses phrases that yeah, other people do use, but he uses a handful over and over and over (contrast to other characters' sparing use of repetition). it's actually... really refreshing? it sounds more relatable and less "video game/anime/JRPG/RPG" writing or something, idk. like closer to how a real person would speak.
I do my best in my translations not to make things sound too stiff across the board, but Yuri makes it so easy. it's why I'm so interested in translating all his lines in Vesperia, like... the actual, original tone for him with his original wording because it's smth Eng only players don't get to experience ('cause even if you listen with JP audio, if you don't know the language, ofc you're gonna miss out on context. it's nobody's fault for not knowing, just... they unfortunately miss out). the thing is, there are a lot of times when the lines in and of themselves are not contextually incorrect in the English ver (usually the situation for smaller scenes, because they altered the text outright for more important stuff which was the stuff that originally set me off, but there were also plenty of cases of just vocal tone shifting with the correct context that still gave off the wrong impression), but Yuri's tone is shifted away from the original in Eng even though it's completely and perfectly translatable.
I am by no means about to translate the entire game because let's face it, I really don't care that much for Vesperia on the whole. I'm kinda stuck with it because Yuri's there lo and behold I actually am WAY more engaged in his stories in Rays, Link and Asteria because it's an amazing character put into circumstances where he actually gets to shine and feels more alive, which Vesperia did not provide nearly as well with its very disjointed story. also, Tales gachas have banger stories that are arguably better than the mainline games, and they regularly make Yuri a very central character to the gachas. Crestoria was also about to do it until they pulled the plug on that game and I'm pretty confident something interesting has been lost to the world. also I just generally don't have the energy or motivation to do that, so... I'll only be focusing on Yuri's lines, especially because his stuff is where the bulk of the messing around was. he's just insanely fun to translate for and I love burying myself head first into his speech.
will I actually finish this project? dunno. will I get around to posting it? whatever I get done (so all of it if I complete it), and if I decide to call it quits then I'll post what I have at the time I decide that. will it take a long time? probably, but I can always mention stuff along the way...
#GTF Vesperia Things#GTF Yuri Things#also the more I comb the script the more I properly notice all the uh... very awkward loc changes in smaller sentences in smaller scenes#like things that change the understanding of a sentence. or in Yuri's case just... the usual annoying personality shifting#noticing lots more stuff than when I did those big posts bc I was less focused on the tiny stuff/not side by side comparing#like a lot of this stuff is plot irrelevant and I knew it was littered around but I'm just getting#a bit more of a proper feel for it and how often it's there while studying Yuri's speech under a microscope bc I like observing him fkjhsjg#the fact that they're extremely largely consistent in tampering with Yuri's verbal (not just vocal) tone still has me LIKE.#but I'm fighting to ignore it so I can study my precious boy for reasons unknown beyond hyperfixation#also with Link I was actually mad at first bc they totally dropped the ball on Yuri's repetitive speech in arc 1. like it just wasn't there#there were plenty of times I noticed that normally he'd be SAYING those phrases but it just didn't happen where it should've#(like ''he'd def have said that here but it's not here'') Rays' main writer was not Vesperia's and she STILL got him down PERFECTLY#frankly I'd argue Rays' writing of Yuri is more correctly Yuri than Vesperia Yuri is which is oddly hilarious LOL#but mainly more that arc 2 Yuri is fucking WONKY sometimes but god knows most of my friends who know JP don't like that writer for#various reasons. somehow he pulled out that banger of a novel but arc 2 forget it. but yeah Rays just... really encapsulated YURI himself#the dialogue for him is spot on. not that Link and Asteria flunked with him bc they didn't#it's just that I think Rays and Miyajima gave the best quality of him bc the circumstances let him be more expressive#that said back to Link arc 2 did actually fix the speech issue so I don't know if they had different writers between arcs or just#realized they forgot to include those points of his character in arc 1 bc I know it wasn't the Link loc's fault#bc Yuri had full JP audio and I could hear that they just didn't have those things#but LORD the ACTUAL RELIEF that flooded me when arc 2 brought that shit back LMAOOOO#but yeah as far as Yuri goes he's absolutely fascinating and unique and he shines so bright in the gachas#it makes me really really sad that his home game is one I don't have much interest in#and that it's one that a lot of ppl feel the writing was wonky for (bc it was)#but I'm eternally grateful the gachas gave him opportunities to really shine as a character in great settings#bc it's not that he doesn't shine in Vesp itself. it's that the circumstances don't rly... allow him to be like PROPERLY unrestrained ig?#idk it's hard to explain. just. he was more. WHOOSH. I guess. in the gachas. yeah. like that. or smth. :')#sorta like. amazing character but not the best circumstances for him to show his true potential which I think he does in the gachas#bc the gachas have such great stories and scenarios and he's put into them#ANYWAY TL;DR YURI'S SPEECH IS FASCINATING AND I LOVE HIM
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BAND AU BAND AU BAND AU BAND AU BAND AU OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!
would LOVE to hear more about it!!! how does it differ from canon tsams?
RGHHH I TYPED OUT AN ANSWER TO THIS BUT I WAS AT AN EVENT AND TUMBLR DELETED MY RESPONSE-
okay so. everyone works at the pizzaplex, but only Sun, Moon, and Lunar are related. Earth recently arrives to the plex and is given charge of a performance to boost revenue for the theatre; the daycare department isn't making enough profit to justify the money poured in, and management is threatening to shut it down in a few months if it doesn't improve.
The creator just so happens to have a studio rented out (how convenient...), and Earth calls up all the other animatronics in their department to join in and help with setting up an orchestral performance (fun fact: all of them have theatre capabilities programmed into their base code, so they all have the ability to perform and play instruments!), which they do, albeit reluctantly. Finding recruits is fairly difficult considering there are no human staff and only 5 animatronics, but they make do and ask folks from other divisions to pitch in as well.
(Solar and Eclipse do exist in this au, but their backgrounds are a bit...different from the cannon security breach shows.)
#asks#celestial symphony au#tsams au#rambles#guys please ask questions about my aus if you find them interesting#this one's really new and asks help me flesh out the details when planning these sort of things#anyhow#thanks again!#earth and the brothers are friends but not siblings#solar works concessions at the theatre so they don't see him much#his story is different from the main one simply because i don't feel like divulging in interdimensional theories and whatnot#so he has a similar story to solar in my witch au#ahaha ahem#eclipse's story is also very very different#so feel free to ask about them folks#didn't talk about all that here because i didn't think it made sense to bunch it all here#then again the question is about divergences from cannon so it probably would've made sense to put that...#but uh basically#there isn't going to be a star#or any interdimensional stuff#lunar (probably) won't blow up#(if he does it's not eclipse's fault)#bloodmoon exists in this au as do jack solar flare and ruin#there aren't any ships because that complicates things and i prefer to focus on plot rather than relationships#(and cuz i don't know how to talk about those so uhh)#the only relationship here is monty and earth#and mmmaybee kidscove possiblyyy..?#i dunno we'll see where this goes#i never actually finished those refs#thanks for dropping by!
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we have been having really poor self esteem and frankly just a poor mental state lately and i don't know how to even approach it like. okay. we got out of those house, we came back home, we're back at university. we should be doing better. but we're not, we're just not. we're using substances to a greater degree than we ever have before, we're pathetically lonely, our self esteem is a flimsy roller coaster. i just feel stuck because we can't tell ourself anymore "just wait until the fall, it'll be fine in the fall" because the fall has come and we are doing badly
#vent#we're kind of in that state where we're not suicidal but also we can't shake the feeling that if we did disappear one day#only a few people would notice and they wouldn't mourn very long. that sort of thing.#we were trying so hard not to cry on the bus earlier because our friend is just so much cooler and more capable than us and it just makes u#think of how autistic and incompetent and stupid we are. and we don't understand what he gets out of being friends with us. we feel like a#stupid dumb sidekick and we're anxious that he's gonna realize that and then we're gonna be even lonelier than we are now.#and the body's dad earlier made a joke about us not having friends and it really stung and he apologized for it once we told him not to mak#those kinds of jokes but i'm crying as i type about it now. we're just so stupidly lonely. and even when we do make friends we can't help#but be the lesser one. the friend that walks behind the other on a crowded sidewalk. the friend that's always thought of second. the one wh#isn't as smart or capable or fun. i don't know why anyone bothers to be friends with us. i think if we didn't reach out to people first the#nobody would do it for us. i think that if we just stopped messaging people one day it would take a while before anyone notices anything#and longer before they did anything about it. if they decided to at all.#we're some stupid kid who needs to be told not to look at strangers yelling in public and whose stupidly naive and optimistic and i don't#know how we ever think anything else of ourselfves.
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though i eventually got to read some, in earlier years goosebumps books would be the kind of series where i'd just ponder the cover art, and i always liked the drama of the monster blood illustration (the lighting/colors....sure nothing's happening in it but i felt it evoked the drama of "what if you're downstairs and something's upstairs" much like "what if you're upstairs and something's downstairs") like well too bad i guess i never got around to reading i at the time. but as of a recap yesterday i'm surprised to now be at least 90% sure i read part if not all of it, and thinking i hadn't may be due to how kind of nothing happens in it
#absolutely nothing familiar until ''there's a dog named trigger & the kid at one point has to rescue trigger from choking'' like Aha#for sure still remember various Events & Details from gb books i Know i've read....#welcome to dead house; the ghost next door maybe my most well absorbed ones lol. lot going on in those definitely#let's get invisible. some choose your own adventure varieties. calling all creeps. oh the haunted mask ofc; all time classic....#definitely hadn't read the phantom of the auditorium; reading it as an adult was a delight#things on the other side or the middle of the stairs it's just like skinamarink heck for real#itself like well that's absolutely the horror of being kids if not ''kids' horror'' lol#but that aspect is always inherently present in kids' horror...always surrounded by mysteries & lack of power/autonomy & fairly isolated...#anyways had a parent whose Disapproval Mode could be set off by various media available to kids my age so that was a minefield#(same parent thought it was inappropriate for some tv 14 rated programs to be available in a house solely ft. adults so there you are)#at least at first was of the ''horror for children?? inappropriate'' approach about it. i didn't check the books out of libraries ever#but eventually must've calmed down abt that b/c we Did own some & that's how i read most of ones i did#too late i was always a kid intrigued by / seeking out horror materials....john bellairs books which got pretty wild....#much less so as an adult b/c horror gets worse (& not in any good way) aimed for teens / adults like lord. You Do Not Get It#anyways turns out monster blood is probably riffing off the blob mostly but it's like not thee blob until way later#so most of the book wouldn't really be that memorable if it's 80% ''and then here was another weird thing abt the gunk''#but i would remember like oh no the dog is in mortal peril :( nooo trigger (trigger was fine)#sure didn't misremember that in welcome to dead house the dog went missing & was implicitly killed over Sensing The Deadness#appreciated that element in phantom of the auditorium where they're hanging out at zeke's & he has a dog#& secret but really just chilling painting sets & very corporeal ghost brian is like ''aw cmon...'' at that dog Not Liking Him#which is some barking & not being enthused abt brian's efforts to play fetch w/a ball lmao#but only to a mild degree like yeah he's not doing anything. brooke & zeke witnessing this simply like lol lmao#that trio is sooo funny. ghost just hanging out; So nervous; ending up dragged into the friend duo absolute menaces hellions lmao....#the paint on his shirt bit. just the way the whole back & forth of 4 ppl goes; it kills Me....
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