#this was taken 3 years before the *cries* incident

[yikessims]

The Santiago's farm.

Owned by Maxwell, under the care of the owner and son, Marcus. (RIP)

-Photo taken 11 years ago.

[ladykailitha]

Icarus Part 25

Damn. I actually hate seeing that number up there. Because that means it's done. Eight months, twenty-five chapters, 52895 words, and one hell of a ride.

I'll start posting the sequel on Tuesday, and will post Sundays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays until it's done. I hope to get it done before October's end. But that's not looking likely at the moment.

But once it's done, I will post the epilogue. This was actually written first and was a way for me to flesh out the band members. Then I just wanted to dive right in to writing the full story. A link to the original idea here.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24

~

The rest of the American tour while it had its ups and downs was pretty much was uneventful. When Steve got back to Cali, he got some actual therapy from someone Gareth’s therapist, Dr. Sam Owens recommended to him. To not only deal with the abandonment issues left by his parents and Nancy but to help deal with the sudden onslaught of fame.

It was going well.

It was the therapist that had strongly recommended going on the vacation with his two best friends. That really helped put his life in perspective.

They were out celebrating Gareth’s one year of being sober and everyone had been invited. Jeff, Brian, and Eddie, of course. Even Vickie made it out. Dustin, Will, Mike, Max, Lucas, Ellie, Hopper, Robin, all the members of The Fallen, sans persona. Gareth had really become friends with all of them, yes even Steve. Gareth and Shane became really close. It was nice to see.

“Cheers!” Jeff said holding up their glasses of sparkling apple cider that they had all brought to share.

“Cheers!” the rest of them cried, clinking their glasses together.

They had rented out a nice surf and turf restaurant for the occasion and everyone was catching up. The owner was a friend of Jonathan’s, Argyle Rivera. He had gotten his start with a pizza food truck and it just exploded.

“So what did you and Mike decide to do?” Steve asked when there was a lull in the conversation. “I know you two weren’t sure the last time I was in Hawkins.”

Mike and Will shared a bashful look before Mike said, “I wrote a children’s book and Will illustrated it. We sent it out to a couple of different publishers so we’re just waiting to hear back.”

“That’s amazing!” Dustin cried. “You guys are going to be awesome.”

“Yeah,” Will said brightly. “I finally convinced Jonathan into going in to photography at the local community collage and he’s doing really well.”

“Nancy is going to school, too,” Mike said quietly, knowing how most of the group felt about his sister.

Eddie raised his eyebrows. “Yeah? What is the once great Nancy Wheeler going to be studying?”

Mike perked up a little that someone had taken a interest in what he said. “She’s actually going into journalism. Especially to be a war corespondent. After everything rightfully fell apart after the incident with The Fallen and Corroded Coffin, she took a hard look at her life and decided she hated the person she had become. So she’s been in therapy and has gotten into her dream school of Emerson.”

“That’s good,” Steve said quietly. Robin gave his a hand gentle squeeze and he returned it with a grateful smile.

“What are doing next, Ellie?” Brian asked. “Designing more epic costumes for the rich and famous? I saw that dress you designed for Lupita Nyong’o for the premier of her new movie. That was a gorgeous shade of purple.”

Ellie’s face dimpled in the force of her wide, happy smile. “Something like that. I’m just glad the dress turned out so well. I’ll be heading back to New York, to stay this time. I got a job at a fashion house that I’m really excited for.”

“What about you and Dusty?” Lucas asked, tilting his head. “I thought things were going great.”

Both Dustin and Ellie share a blushing smile.

“We’re still together,” Dustin replied. “I’ll be in Boston and she’ll be in New York. We’ll going to try and make it work.”

Max nodded. “Long distance can suck, but if the other person is worth it you can make it work.” She nudged Lucas’s shoulder and he grinned back.

“So you didn’t get traded to Lakers like you wanted?” Gareth asked Lucas.

He shook his head. “Maybe next year. But in the mean time, Max has a couple interviews at Tony Hawk’s video game company as a mo-cap performer for the female characters in his games.”

Everyone oohed and ahhed and congratulated her.

“I don’t have the job yet,” she muttered, but happily soaked up the attention anyway.

Dustin turned to Steve and Robin. “When are you two going to do something with your lives?”

Eddie winced and Steve and Robin didn’t even have to glance at each other to be suddenly on the same wavelength of doom.

If this was an anime you would have have seen the dark waves behind their heads.

“We make good money doing what we do,” Robin said darkly. “Yeah, it’s a bit jack of all trades, but it’s fun. We’re never stuck doing the same thing. We get travel all over the world. We get to meet famous people and all the perks of fame with the drawbacks of having our privacy invaded on the regular.”

“Jack of all trades, but master of none,” Dustin said to be pedantic. “Don’t you guys want to do something specific, like a teacher or a doctor?”

Robin snorted. “No.”

Chrissy hand covered hers, and Robin gave her a squeeze back. She was fine, just annoyed.

“Yeah,” Steve said. “And I don’t why being a jack of all trades is bad thing. Focusing on one thing is great for the people who can do it, but I love the different jobs. Roadie one tour, PA another, then EMT the next. It’s great.”

Dustin frowned, stabbing his plate with his fork.

“My therapist says people are like plants,” Gareth said, “some people are trees and they grow up slowly. Some are bamboo and in the right environment shoot up super fast. But some people are like periwinkle and grow out sideways. Robin and Steve are like that. It’s still growth, just not the growth you want them to have.”

“I guess,” he huffed. He looked up at Steve. “Are you happy doing what you do?”

Steve and Eddie shared a glance. “Yes, for all its faults, I am very happy.”

He nodded and they went back to celebrating Gareth’s year of sobriety. But under the cover of the loud celebration and raucous laughter, Vickie and Simon chatted quietly to themselves.

~

Steve and Eddie lay on the bed in Eddie’s mansion curled up together after sex.

“What’s wrong?” Eddie asked Steve when he had curled up under his chin and held on tight.

“We were out celebrating,” he murmured, “and I couldn’t even tell them we were in a relationship.”

“Most of the people there already knew, babe,” Eddie murmured. But when Steve didn’t say anything it clicked. “You wanted to tell the kids. Especially after the bomb Mike dropped about Nancy moving on.”

Steve nodded.

Eddie scooted down the bed to look Steve in the eye. “Whatever you do or don’t tell them is entirely up to you I don’t care either way.”

“You don’t care that we’ll never get to go on dates or be seen holding hands or kissing?” Steve asked seriously.

Eddie shook his head. “Do you want to know why?”

“I guess,” Steve said with a half shrug.

“Because when I first got into the music business,” Eddie murmured, “I slept with anyone who would give a passing fancy.”

Steve looked up at him in confusion. “But I thought you already had a crush on me then?”

“I did,” Eddie confirmed. “But here’s the thing, sweetheart, do you know who’s partners get torn apart the most in celebrity relationships?”

Steve shook his head.

“Those with non-famous partners,” Eddie said. “If your partner is anything other than a C or B list celebrity when you’re an A-list, you get called out for ‘slumming it’ and their partners get called all sorts of nasty names, but especially ‘gold digger’. Which is the last thing I wanted for you.”

“Is that why you were okay with being with after you found out I was secretly famous?”

Eddie rose up and tackled Steve into the pillows. “You listen close, Steve Harrington. That was absolutely not why. I didn’t even show up with the flowers intending on confessing anything other than knowing your secret. It was like I suddenly saw all the facets of the diamond I’d been admiring for years and realizing any reason I had to not put myself forward were stupid.”

Steve blinked up at him in awe. “Oh.”

“Yeah, baby, ‘oh’,” Eddie huffed. “Continuing to protect you from the shame and humiliation of the slings and arrows of the media is my mission in life, okay? And if you ever decide to come out, either as bisexual as Steve or as Steve as Abbadon, I will be there for you. One hundred percent.”

Steve’s eyes welled up and he nodded. “Okay.” His lips quivered. “I love you so much. I just want you to be happy.”

Eddie kissed him fiercely. “I know you do and you make me very happy. The Fallen, Abbadon, being closeted? All that? That’s just a part of you that I love.” He bounced onto the bed. “In fact...”

He grabbed his phone and started going through it. “Eureka!” He turned the phone around to a paint of a night, shielding a maiden from the sun and a large crowd of people. This is us, babe. I am the knight and you are my maiden. I won’t get tired, or upset that you need protecting.”

Steve blushed. He sat up and pulled up his knees to his chest. “When we first started coming up with names for us, we didn’t originally all have the same letter.”

Eddie raised his eyebrows. “Wait, really?”

Steve shook his head. “Spence was just Death. Shane was always Astraeus. Simon was struggling with finding a name that fit.”

“And did you have your name picked out?” Eddie asked gently, knowing where this was going.

He pursed his lips and nodded. “I didn’t think we’d make it this far. I really thought we would have crashed and burned by now.” He closed his eyes and hung his head. “Part of the myth with Icarus and the wax wings that people forget was that he was flying all over the place. That if he flied straight and true like his father suggested, he would have survived. But he flew too close to the seas as well as the sun.”

Steve sighed and then looked over at Eddie. “And that’s what I thought I was doing with the band. Flying too low with the fact that we were preps wanting to break into the metal scene and then flying too high with the personas and masks. I was going to not only wreck my life but the lives of people I cared about.”

He let out a low shuddering breath. “That maybe I should have listened to my father. To go to college, to get a degree in business, to fly straight.”

“So what changed your mind?” Eddie asked. “Other than Shane wanting everyone to have all the same letter as a middle finger to everyone trying to guess your identities, I guess.”

Steve let out a watery chuckle. “Shane reminded me of the beginning of Icarus’s story. That he had grown up in the labyrinth, never seeing the sky. How could his father had not seen that of course Icarus was going to play the second they were out? That, yes they were fleeing for their lives, but this was the first time his son had seen the sun, felt the breeze on his face and touched the waves on the sea.”

“But if Daedalus had played with Icarus instead of yelling at him, his father would have been able to keep him from getting too close to the things that would have harmed him,” Steve finished. “That he would have been there to catch his son when he began to fall.”

“So what was the lesson?” Eddie prompted.

“I wasn’t Icarus,” Steve said. “I was always free, I might have fallen from grace according to my parents, but that like God in the Christian story, they were cruel and cast me out because what they wanted for me wasn’t what I wanted.”

Eddie smiled. “So you became Abbadon instead. The one that fell but God still relied on to destroy the wicked. The opposite of Steve Harrington. The boy that rose up like a phoenix from the ashes to be better than his parents dreamed.”

Steve nodded. “Yeah. Icarus was the first to fall mythos wise, but Abbadon was the one people fear coming back.”

Eddie pulled him close. “Well, you’re my angel, now. Fallen or not, I’m not giving you up for anything.”

Steve kissed him softly. “I’m putting a lot of trust you, Munson. Don’t fuck this up.”

Eddie laughed and kissed him fiercely. Then he proceeded to show Steve all the ways loved him.

Steve knew he might always have doubts and fears, but now he had the support system he always needed.

It was more than past time to fly and in Eddie’s arms there was no limit to how high he could go now.

And he wouldn’t want it any other way.

~

Tag List: CLOSED

1- @mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @zerokrox-blog

2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence

3- @goodolefashionedloverboi @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog @irregular-child @blondie1006

4- @yikes-a-bee @bookworm0690 @anne-bennett-cosplayer @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten

5- @genderless-spoon @y4r3luv @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt

6- @disrespectedgoatman @eyehartart @dawners @thespaceantwhowrites @tinyplanet95

7- @iamthehybrid @croatoan-like-its-hot @papergrenade @cryptid-system @counting-dollars-counting-stars

8- @ravenfrog @w1ll0wtr33 @child-of-cthulhu @kultiras @dreamercec

9- @machete-inventory-manager @useless-nb-bisexual @stripey82 @dotdot-wierdlife @kal-ology

10- @sadisticaltarts @urkadop @chameleonhair @clockworkballerina @garden-of-gay

[hanjisungfan560]

༉‧₊˚.𝑫𝑶𝑵𝑻 𝑺𝑴𝑰𝑳𝑬

“𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝒊𝒕’𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒚 𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒓, 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒎𝒆 𝒊𝒕’𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕.”

𝓣𝓞𝓒: Han Jisung, Angst, Break Up, Reader Being a mess, Messy Break up, Drinking, Breaking girl code, suicide.

𝓓𝓔𝓢𝓒: After a messy break up ending in a end of two relationships [Name] is absolutely heartbroken to the point where she had to escape some how, yet no one had expected that escape to be suicide.

𝓐 mess, is what she was. Her messy hair the stains of tears mixed with her mascara that has all melted off due to her sobbing.

“I-I don’t get why he would do this…” she sobbed out into the arms of her friend, as the girl sobbed they quietly took her phone as Mina had read through the messages revealing the several screenshots revealing the relationship between Han and her so called “friend”.

“He’s stupid [Name], he’ll regret it soon enough.” Said Mariah who had took the phone from Mina’s hands and placing it in the table near her.

Did he regret it? Maybe a bit, and he knew that. It still couldn't change the fact he cheated on her after a relationship of four years. Even worse was it was with her best friend of six years. He had betrayed her.

His now “Girlfriend” didn’t feel one bit of remorse for hurting the girl who was once her best friend, she couldn’t care less now that she finally has what she had always wanted, that one desire being Han Jisung.

“Baby!!” Maya squealed softly as she kissed the boys lips, his warm smile quickly got wider as he had kissed the girl back.

Was it all a facade? No, no it wasn’t. He had felt at peace for once in his life, no one had ever made him feel this way before, Maya was the one for him.

“Hey, how are you my?” He asked the girl who replied with “I’m doing better that your here!” She said smiling softly.

“𝐷𝑜𝑛’𝑡 𝑠𝑚𝑖𝑙𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑐𝑎𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑖𝑡 ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑑, 𝑏𝑎𝑏𝑦, 𝑐𝑟𝑦 𝑏𝑒𝑐𝑎𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑖𝑡’𝑠 𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟.”

The words kept repeating in Han’s mind, those were the same exact words [Name] had texted him with.

It had been a week after the incident had taken place, while Han was living his best life, [Name] on the other hand hadn’t been out of her room in days.

Her room had been clean, but her bed had been undone while the lights remained off with the blackout curtains closed leaving her in the complete darkness.

3 out of the 7 days she had gone out in the late night to go out and get a few drinks, once a few drinks turned into a bit more than a few she couldn’t help but get caught up in drinking leading her to become absolutely wasted while she cried her eyes out silently.

For the past week she hadn’t slept due to the stress and lack of her sleeping pills. Insomnia is what she had suffered from for the past 8 years, but sleeping pills had always put her to sleep or when Han was over his warm embrace had always lead the girl to sleep, but now that he’s gone she had locked her medication away in a random place in the small flat she owned.

“My Heart is heavy now. It’s like a hundred pounds, Lily.” Her voice cracked and shook as she had looked down at the empty bottle of sleeping medication.

“[Name]?” A voice asked through the phone, it wasent Lily nor was it the right number, the contact info had the name of Han, did she dial the wrong number? Yeah, yeah she did.

“Hm?” She slurred as she looked around the room looking at all the posters that had being plastered on her light pink wall.

Everything seemed to be spinning for her, causing her to become quiet while the boy on the end of the line had been asking questions like, “are you ok?”, “are you home?” In a worried tone.

Silence, was all that was heard but it was soon cut off by the sound of the call cutting off.

Worried, utterly worried, is what he felt as he rushed to grab his keys while running to his car that had been turned on by the click of three buttons.

After the 8 minute drive to the girls house he had finally arrived, rushing out of his car and heading into the apartment complex rushing to the elevator.

As he reached the open elevator he had clicked on the 5th floor button, the ride up had felt never ending, an eternal elevator ride full of dread and pain.

When the doors had finally opened he wasted no time in getting over to the girls flat, the numbers burned into his mind “512” his mind repeated while he had ran to the left of the hall scanning the numbers “505, 507, 510, 512!” He whispered reaching the door.

It had been left unlocked. The door opened smoothly no sound, nor any creaking as it opened. The place had been clean but a pill bottle had been left on the floor.

He rushed to a familiar room only to find it empty, that’s when his phone buzzed. A text message appeared from Mina telling him she had been taken to the hospital.

In that moment he realized he fucked up. He lied to himself about loving Maya, but why was it that he only made him feel a certain way. Was it because she had looked so similar to [Name] but acted different.

Hours later, the heart breaking news had been released. The amount of pills had lead to a fatal OD leading to her death.

Heart break was all he had felt.

[juyeonszn]

PRINCESS AND THE PAUPER (PT. 2)

PAIRING kevin moon x f!reader

WORD COUNT 5.60k

GENRES angst ﹒little bit of fluff ﹒little bit of smut

WARNINGS 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, mature language, reader is better than me cause i would not let kevin do all the shit he’s done 😭, ANYWAY i digress, this part is very reader-centric — whereas part one is very kevin-centric, inner turmoil goes absolutely crazy, most of this fic is reader putting kevin in his place and him realizing how big of an asshole he truly is, mentions of injury (past tense), mentions of insecurity, lots of arguing, reader cries at one point or another, the smut places a very minimal role in this, but unprotected sex, public sex (the auditorium dressing room), no foreplay but wtv we fall like soldiers in battle, pussy job lowkey (high key…), creampie, lmk if i missed anything!

SUMMARY it wasn’t like you and kevin hated each other. in fact, you quite admired him despite his somewhat indifferent attitude toward you. well, now that you’re paired up for the last dance of the year, you guess it’s the perfect time to find out why.

MORE oh my god. it’s finally fucking here. A MONTH, 2 SICKNESSES AND MANY MANY STRESSFUL NIGHTS LATER— part two of princess and the pauper is here!!! i’m so sorry to those of u who have been itching and waiting on me to get ‘er done,,, it’s been an ordeal to say the least, and while it’s nearing the two month mark since the black out or back out collab was announced, SHE FINALLY FINISHED!!! for once i saw something through omg i can sleep peacefully and work on my other wips without guilt now… 😭 ALSO THANK U SO MUCH MAYA @/kimsohn FOR PUSHING ME THROUGH THIS and for making me thug it out bc without u it definitely would’ve taken much longer to finish 💔 please dont forget to read part one and the other fics in the series if u haven’t!! both are linked below! and as always, pls reblog if u enjoyed <3

PART ONE | SERIES MASTERLIST

PERM TAGLIST @winterchimez @maessseongs @itsbeeble @zzoguri @deoboyznet @cloverdaisies @vernyangel @ericlvr @sunwooverse @kimsohn

TAGLIST @millksea @deobibbang @deobi0412

Never in your life have you felt so… Confused.

It wasn’t just confusion that settled deep in the pit of your stomach. There was a sharp pain there too, like someone stabbed you and twisted the knife. That was probably the best way to describe what you were feeling. You were bleeding out, and no one was coming to save you.

Kevin wasn’t answering your calls. He wasn’t answering your texts. He ran out of the lecture hall as soon as class was over, never giving you a moment to speak to him. It was making you nervous.

You still had half of a dance to choreograph and a fuck ton of pressure riding on your back. After the last performance you and him did together, you’d have a lot of eyes on you. It most definitely wasn’t your fault that he dropped you. How many people willingly want to acquire a broken ankle? The crutches were a bitch to maneuver around with. But like every single thing that’s happened in the three years you’ve known Kevin Moon, he’s managed to place the blame on you like it was.

It was crucial that you make amends with him even if it was momentarily. Your final grades were dependent on your performance. If he couldn’t get his shit together for at least that, he was a lost cause in your mind. Not even your professor would be able to refute that fact. Actually, nobody would be able to refute that fact.

Your lips form an O as you blow the steam away from your coffee, pulling out your phone to try Kevin’s phone once again. The line rings a few times before going straight to voicemail like it has the past couple weeks. You kiss your teeth, tying your sweater around your waist as you slump in your chair. The baristas at the campus cafe were probably sick of seeing you sitting in the same high-top counter spot since the incident with Kevin in the studio.

“Y/N?”

Ji Changmin appears beside you and you click your phone off, so he wouldn’t see his friend’s contact on the screen. You give the Early Childhood Dev major a weak smile.

“Changmin! What’s up? How are you and your girlfriend?” You hope he can’t recognize the distress written all over your features. You highly doubt it, though. You can feel the wrinkles pulling at your skin.

“We’re good! How’s the showcase performance going with Kev?” He asks like he knows something you don’t. When your lips fall to a thin line, an all too familiar grimace, he sighs a knowing sigh. “Do I have to smack some sense into him?”

“Not gonna lie, yeah, you do. He’s being really fucking difficult and like half of our dance is unfinished. I can’t even get a hold of him, so I’m starting to lose my patience.” You express your annoyance. The border between complacency and free-will was a lot slimmer than one might think. For example; your feelings when it comes to Kevin Moon.

You don’t expect to get a returning call later that night when you’re washing dishes after dinner.

In fact, you don’t even hear it at first, too absorbed in scrubbing the staining out of your bowl. It’s when your roommate yells out to you, that you snap out of your reverie, albeit dazedly. You dry your hands on a nearby tea towel, hitting the green answer button without a second glance at the caller ID.

“Hello?”

“Are you free tomorrow?”

Your heart catches in your throat. You recognize the owner of the voice practically by the first breath into the receiver alone. It’s actually kind of unhealthy how quickly it took to realize who was on the other end. You swallow heavily, praying he doesn’t hear the gulp.

“In the latter part of the afternoon, I believe. Why?” You try not to sound hopeful. That’s one thing you’ve learned being in the same vicinity as Kevin Moon. You could never be too expecting, because it would only lead to disappointment. And you’d dealt with enough of that the past few years.

“We need to finish this fuck ass choreography,” he grunts, and it takes everything in you to bite your tongue. “I’ll meet you in the same studio at 4.”

He doesn’t let you get anything else in, hanging up swiftly. You deflate as you set your phone back on the counter. All you had to do was push through these next couple weeks, like you always have when it came to him.

That should be a piece of cake, right?

Wrong.

“No, that looks stupid.”

You grit your teeth, swiping the back of your hand on your forehead. You’d been inside of this studio maybe 30 minutes tops, and you were on the verge of strangling Kevin. With as long as you’d been putting up with his shit, you thought getting through this wouldn’t be as rough as it’s been. But if there was one thing Kevin Moon had, it was pride.

“We don’t have time for you to nitpick right now. Let’s just finish the choreography and clean it after.” Your hands rest on your hips, nostrils flaring.

“If we clean as we go, we’ll have more time to drill it into our systems and get down muscle memory. It’ll be a stronger performance.” He argues. You roll your eyes as you turn away from him, taking a water break to calm yourself. “Why do you have so much fucking attitude today? You were the one preaching to the choir about me making things difficult. It seems the tables have turned.”

Usually, you were pretty good at keeping your frustration at bay when it came to Kevin’s remarks. You liked to think it was because you were down bad for the guy, despite him always wanting nothing to do with you. But as of late, (Read: Since your performance of Princess and the Pauper) every little comment he’s made has managed to crawl under your skin like a damn parasite. You were beginning to get real sick of it.

“God, you’re so—“ You interrupt yourself to groan, fingers curling into fists. “You’re fucking insufferable. Do you know that? I’ve been bending over backwards to ensure we aren’t kicked out of the goddamn program and you don’t even fucking care. Over what? A kiss that you initiated?”

Kevin is stunned into silence, not at all prepared for you to blow up on him like that. After all, that razor thin line between complacency and free-will had yet to be crossed. And well, it appears that you just crossed it. You whip around toward him, pulling down the collar of your t-shirt to reveal the faintest of bruises that still remains from your impromptu act of intimacy.

“I’ve had to look at this every day for a week and all it’s done is make me feel shitty, ashamed of something I didn’t even start. Now I need you to stop acting like an ass and get it together so we can finish this and perform the best dance this university has ever seen.” Your chest is heaving up and down, similarly to when you made out against the mirrors last week. Except this time isn’t out of breathlessness, but rather anger and exhaustion.

Kevin’s eyes don’t leave the hickey on the base of your throat, something undetectable swimming in them as he stares. You can’t read the emotions swirling rampantly in his irises, a mixture of too many blurring into one another. Honestly, it’s funny. It’s funny that it’s taken you this long to get him to shut his mouth for once.

So you laugh.

It’s a snort at first, an off handed projection of how comical the situation has become to you. But then it metamorphoses into a small giggle, which leads to full scale laughter that has you hunching over your knees and wiping away tears. This whole thing is stupid. Absolutely fucking stupid.

“What are you laughing at?” His eyebrow raises in question, broken from his weird trance.

“I just can’t believe it took three years for me to shut you up,” you shake your head slowly, rubbing your eye with the heel of your palm. “You’re always the one who can’t stop talking.”

Kevin deadpans, mouth pulled pin-straight as his expression drops. “You’re so unserious.”

As the height of your laughter reaches a valley, you collapse onto the ground, resting your back against the mirror. You take another long sip of water before sighing. “Look, I know this isn’t ideal. Trust me, I know. But, we’ve gotta set aside our differences just this once. Please, for the sake of the department.”

“Fine,” he murmurs, plopping down beside you to stretch his back. “Let’s finish choreographing so we can start cleaning it up.”

It’s a victory in your book, and probably the most obedient the Pisces has ever been. Maybe this wouldn’t end in complete disaster like you assumed it would. It turns out Kevin Moon wasn’t entirely brainless and knew when he was wrong. Sometimes. Maybe. We’ll see.

You shut your eyes and visualize what you’ve choreographed so far, going over the moves in your head to see if the rest will come to you like a prophecy. It’s wishful thinking, but with how much you’ve accomplished since setting foot in the studio, you’re willing to try anything. The track would be nice for elements of hip hop style choreography, but you knew the audience wouldn’t eat it up as much as they would the route you’re currently taking.

Driver roll up the partition, please…

The song plays through the speakers and you watch as Kevin stands to run through everything you have. You’re entranced by his movements, the flow of his body on certain points. It’ll look ten times better once you’re doing it with him, costumed and performing it perfectly in front of a crowd. You can picture it now, the gentle but controlled glide of his hands along your arms when Beyoncé sings “We ain’t even gonna make it to this club”. He was right. You very well might be seduced by your enemy.

“Should we use props?” You suddenly voice, eyes narrowed in thought. He hums.

“That’s… not a half-bad idea, actually,” his tongue darts out to wet his lips. “What did you have in mind?”

“A chair, maybe,” you look away from him, placing your focus on the way your toes alternate between a tendu and relaxed position. “That could take up a good chunk of the choreo.”

Kevin stalks over to the supply closet in the corner of the studio, pulling out a folding chair. He puts it in the center of the room gently, careful to not scratch up the wooden, lacquered flooring. You spend the next couple of hours brainstorming through numerous versions of the dance. While it was a lot easier than your past practices, there were still the occasional argument over which movements looked good and whatnot.

At a certain point, everything becomes cohesive and the end is near. You gulp down some water as Kevin does some random choreography. It’s then that it comes to you, like a vision from That’s So Raven. You practically drop your water bottle, scrambling to your feet and stopping him. Your breath is heavy from fatigue and you’re slightly afraid of even suggesting this, but it’s exactly what this dance needs. It’s exactly what everyone wants to see from the two of you.

He pauses the music and gestures for you to get on with it. You push down the lump in your throat, scared of rejection. But maybe he was smart and he would agree that this is what you have to do. “What if we did a lift?”

You see the hesitation swirling in his eyes and you raise a finger before he can shut you down entirely. “Nothing crazy like… um— you know— Princess and the Pauper, but something smaller. Something… sexy? Like, Dancing with the Stars type beat.”

When he shrugs instead of outright dismissing your idea, you know you’ve won. He nods slowly, shoving his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants. “Okay, sure. But we better clean up everything else fast so we can perfect the lift.”

The two of you take another three hours running the entirety of the choreography, ingraining the moves into your brains and muscles. You still had a bit until the actual showcase, but your priority now lies with the lift. If you nailed it, the entire department would very well grovel after you in reparation for all of the slack you got after Kevin dropped you. Hell, the entire university would kiss your feet. This was your redemption. In more ways than one.

You both decide to call it a day at around 9:30 PM. Your hands reach for your belongings and then you halt yourself, a thought coming to mind. While you had him in this weird state of obedience, you figured it was as good a time as any to ask the question that’s been weighing on you for the past few years. Your fingers swipe away the sweat beading around your hairline.

”Kevin,” you start, voice a lot softer than before. “Why do you— what did I do to make you dislike me so much?”

He’s caught completely off guard, eyes widening in surprise. If he was anticipating you to say anything else prior to parting ways tonight, he didn’t think this would be it. He’s actually a little off put that you hadn’t asked him this already in the span of your definitely-one-sided rivalry. He takes a large gulp of water.

”I’d call it indifference, not dislike,” he corrects after a pregnant silence. “It’s really fucking stupid thinking about it in hindsight. I don’t know if you remember this time, way back in our first year, we ran into each other at the campus cafe— literally, might I add— and you spilled your coffee all over this white shirt of mine that Changmin had gotten for me as a birthday gift. I only recently found out that it wasn’t as expensive as he made it out to be.”

You blink at his admission, processing his words as thoroughly as possible. You don’t know what you wanted him to say. You weren’t even sure if there was a concrete reason for him to be so fucking mean to you all this time. And now that you know, you come to the conclusion that Kevin Moon isn’t as smart as you’ve painted him out to be in your head. He’s actually a gigantic idiot. Because who in their right mind goes through these lengths to form a distance between the only other person on par with their talent?

Before you can stop yourself, you’re bursting into another fit of laughter. Kevin falters at your reaction. He was waiting for you to blow up on him, to scream in his face for causing you so much pain and unnecessary drama over something so silly. So when you do none of that, when you start fucking laughing like a damn hyena, he feels dumb. Like his entire college career has been built off of nothing.

”This is so—“ you pause to gather your bearings, wiping away the tears that managed to escape. “We’ve spent so much time going back and forth over some spilled coffee? Surely you’ve realized how insane that is at some point.”

”It took a lengthy argument with Changmin, but yeah, I did,” he nods, adjusting the strap of his bag on his shoulder. “Old habits die hard, I guess.”

You worry your lower lip between your teeth, finally getting your things together. The two of you bid each other an awkward goodbye. Neither of you knew what to make of your relationship now that things had been partially sorted through. There was a fuck ton of baggage that still had to be sifted, but at least you had an answer.

That was enough to push through this showcase performance. You think.

You’re nervous.

Never in your entire life have you ever been this nervous for a performance.

You grew up doing musical theatre and dancing, it’s always been the one constant presence you could rely on. But standing here, backstage at the showcase, you think you’re going to throw up. Your palms are clamming up uncontrollably and your chest feels unbearably heavy as you watch the quartet doing a contemporary piece to some ballad you couldn’t be bothered to remember the name of. There were still a couple groups before you.

Not even when you had to perform fuckass Princess and the Pauper were you this anxious. You wince, trying to stop the incessant bouncing of your leg. Your weight keeps shifting from one hip to the other. As a seasoned veteran, you don’t know why you feel this way. Maybe it had to do with all the pressure riding on this very dance. Every single eye in that crowd was going to scrutinize your every move on that stage.

“Calm down,” a voice whispers harshly from beside you. “You’re making me nervous.”

Kevin wraps his fingers around your wrist, stopping the annoying tap-tap-tap your own were doing against your thigh. He gives you a look, and you sigh. “Sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

That’s a lie. Not only was the high expectations from the entire school getting to you, but so was the fear of history repeating itself. He knows this, it was inevitable. After what happened the last time he was tasked with lifting you, it was only natural.

”We’ve drilled this dance hundreds, if not thousands, of times, Y/N. We’ll do just fine.” Kevin assures you.

His hand feels foreign holding yours, like it was illegal for his skin to be touching your own. You feel your lower lip quiver, a sense of trepidation that you’ve never once felt creeping down your spine. Your mind was spiraling, and quite honestly, Kevin being so close was making it worse. All you could think about was him dropping you again, leaving you in the middle of the stage with a broken leg and a broken heart. You release a shaky breath and he turns to face you.

Your eyes widen and he searches your face for any disingenuity. When he finds his answer, he brings the hand that was holding yours up to cup your cheek. He’s cautious, afraid he might break you like he always does. He waits for you to shove him away and to yell at him for being a fucking coward.

You don’t. You stay still, hoping he follows through with what you think he’s about to do. And then he does.

It’s such a featherlight peck of his lips on your own, you almost don’t even register. But sparks shoot from the source all the way to the tips of your fingers. You feel as if you were dealt a static shock of electricity, your whole body buzzing from the small kiss alone.

He pulls away just in time for the stage manager to inform you that you’re next. Kevin rolls his neck jogging over to the wings to patiently await your performance like he hadn’t just kissed you a moment ago. You blink dumbly, two fingers coming up to touch where his lips had been. Sure the nerves were gone now, but the sensation of butterflies swarming about in your stomach easily replaced that. What the fuck was his problem?

“Our last performance is one I’m sure all of you have been waiting for. Kevin Moon and Y/N L/N with Partition!”

Before you know it, you and Kevin are in position, your body squared upstage and his to the crowd. Your eyes are closed, but you can feel his arm wrapped around your waist and his steady breathing on your nose. The spotlight switches on, the heat of the lighting warm against the side of your face. It’s silent in the auditorium, but it rings in your ears. You could do this.

Let me hear you say ‘Hey Miss Carter’…

You move on reflex, muscle memory kicking in instantaneously. Each circle of your hips, every turn you make— a fouetté here, a pirouette there, a couple coupes, each roll of your body. But what really gets you is the long brushes of Kevin’s skin on your own. You’d practiced with distance between the two of you. There was a tension that had been there for years. Now it’s all coming to a rolling boil, a new uncharted tension that every single member in that audience could see.

And then comes the lift.

You, along with everybody in the auditorium, practically hold your breath when Kevin’s hands grip your hips. He raises you above him with all of his strength, completely focused on you and only you. You shut your eyes and feel the moment, like, really feel it. Your body is relaxed, the Dirty Dancing-esque lift bringing the whole performance together just like you knew it would. The only difference from the movie and real life is the fact that you’re flipped, your backside to Kevin and your chest to the ceiling.

Your eyes flutter open, the spotlight all but blinding you, and you finally feel content. Like everything has fallen into the right place for once in your life. Especially so when Kevin sets you down gently and you finish your dance with the utmost confidence.

The crowd erupts into a roaring chorus of applause, going as far as giving you a standing ovation. Holy shit. You pulled it off. You actually managed to pull it off.

Your face feels like it might split from how big your smile is. You and Kevin bow, walking off stage. You’re entirely too happy right now, a newfound energy overtaking you as you trail behind him.

“We did it!” You cheer as you follow him towards the dressing room where your things are. You’re the only ones left backstage, everyone else filtering out between performances. Kevin doesn’t give you much of a response, just a small nod of acknowledgment. Your smile falters. “What the hell is your problem?”

”Nothing, Y/N, fuck. Can you just mind your own fucking business?” He snaps, turning around to glare at you just as the door slams behind you. You instinctively flinch at both loud noises. His features soften but you take a step back from him.

You aren’t sure why you’re surprised. This isn’t anything new. Kevin has always made it crystal clear that he wasn’t your number one fan. Being neutral for your performance wasn’t enough to repair all the holes in whatever your relationship was, and you should’ve known better. You shouldn’t have let your guard down so easily. You should’ve expected this. Old dogs can never learn new tricks.

But Kevin’s scared. He’s afraid of letting you in after all the mess he’s put you through. The only thing he’s good at doing is hurting you, over and over like there was a prize that came out of it.

”Look…”

”No, you listen to me,” you swallow heavily, tears already tight lining your eyes. “Kevin, I have taken so much shit from you. Over these past few years I have just sat there and let you unload all your fucked up insecurities onto me. Have you ever wondered why? Have you ever thought to stop and think about why I let you be so mean to me without even questioning it?”

He says nothing, just stares with his lips parted. They open and close like a fish out of water, words there at the tip of his tongue but refusing to make their escape. And then one of your tears rolls down your cheeks and he’s directly in front you, his heart on his sleeve for the first time since you’ve met him.

”Why?” The simple question is so quiet, you almost don’t hear him. But his eyes hold so much hurt, so much anguish that you’ve never seen in a person before.

“I’ve had feelings for you for so long, it’s actually starting to ache. You’ve only ever seen me as this thing, this obstacle. And I’m afraid that that’s all I’ll ever be to you, because you won’t let me be anything else. You won’t—“

”That’s not true, Y/N,” Kevin sighs, looking off to the side, away from you. “I just— it’s complicated. It’s more than just being rivals.”

”So help me understand,” you frown. “Let me in, please.”

”My entire life I’ve had to work to get to where I am. I’ve fought tooth and nail to be as good of a performer as I am today. There were so many hoops I had to go through to even get into this program and— and I thought I’d finally become the best I could be. I thought that there was no way anyone could ever be better than me. And then you showed up. You and your pretty smile and your natural ability to be the best at everything you do. It was like you were the real life manifestation of all of my critics, of every challenge I faced to get here. Where I had to practice day and night to perfect something, it just came to you like second nature. During Princess and the Pauper, when I dropped you, it truly was an accident. But we’d spent so much time nailing it, that it— I just made myself feel better by saying it was your fault. ‘How could it have been my fault if I perfected it?’ I was jealous and petty and it was just easier to blame hating— to blame my indifference on you spilling coffee on my stupid shirt. For that, I’m sorry.”

You don’t know what you were waiting to hear, but it wasn’t that. Your tears turn into full on blubbering, because what the fuck? That’s so much burden for someone to carry on their shoulders for three years.

“Why are you— why are you crying?” He flounders, reaching up to swipe away your tears.

“I wish I knew… I wish I could’ve helped you somehow,” you sniffle. “Kev, I’ve always admired you and your work ethic. I hoped one day I’d be half as disciplined as you, half as determined.”

He blinks. You’re both dumb, aren’t you? Too focused on the wrong things. You both could’ve been a lot less hateful, a lot less miserable, had you just spoken your differences out. This entire rivalry has been completely one sided, but also built off of plain stupidity and ignorance. He supposes it’s not too late to make amends if you aren’t running in the opposite direction despite everything he’s put you through.

Kevin leans forward, hand still pressed to your cheek, and connects your lips softly. He’s testing the waters, making sure you’re comfortable before he continues anything. When you don’t back away just yet, he adds more force, deepening the kiss like a man starved. You whine against his lips.

This is what you’ve been wanting from him. More than what he gave you before your performance, but not what happened in the studio a few weeks ago. This desperation isn’t abashed lust, it’s unbridled affection— it’s everything he’s holed inside of himself for years, unwilling to let it see the light of day until now. If you were to label anything as perfection, it wouldn’t be a dance or a moment on stage, it would be this. Just you and Kevin finally bringing yourselves together in the most intimately emotional union.

He pulls you closer to him, hands sliding down to grasp at your waist, bunching up the thin fabric of your leotard. You can’t help but bury your fingers in his hair, tugging when he nips at your lower lip. A gasp permeates the air when his mouth travels south, along your jaw and down the side of your neck. He bites and sucks the tender skin at the base of your throat, ensuring he leaves his mark on you. This time isn’t careless, this time he has purpose. He wants everybody to know that you’re his, that you’re the only person insane enough to put up with him.

Your breathing is shaky when you reach behind you to lock the dressing room, dragging him over to the long vanity adjacent to you. He slots between your legs when you hoist yourself onto the surface. He pecks your lips and pauses his movements, rubbing up and down your thighs. In the dim, yellow lighting of the room, you look so gorgeous. He’s always thought you were beautiful, the most stunning thing he’s ever laid his eyes on, but he’s repressed it for so long. He wants to take his time staring at what he’s avoided.

”You’re so pretty,” he says quietly, kissing you again and again and again. “I don’t think I can last long with you.”

“Can we skip the foreplay?” You ask, bottom lip jutted into a pout. “Need you to just fuck me like you mean it.”

Kevin’s forehead falls to your shoulder with a groan. “I don’t deserve you,” God, he’s such an idiot for holding out from this. You should’ve been given the world and so much more. He has a lot of lost time to make up for. He kisses your shoulder with a sigh. “Yeah, baby, I can do that.”

You don’t waste another second, slipping your arms through the sleeves of your leotard. He has to bite down on his tongue when he sees that you’re braless, fingers going slack as they unbutton the rest of his silk shirt. You shimmy out of the one piece, left in nothing but the fishnet stockings you wore underneath and your lacy panties. Kevin thinks he must’ve done at least something right in a past life to experience this.

Your eyes sparkle as you look up at him, undoing his slacks and kicking them down his legs with your feet. Something takes over him when he rips a bigger hole in your stockings, pushing your underwear to the side. His thumb glides through your folds with ease, your slick providing enough lubricant. He pushes your lower lips apart while you busy yourself shoving his underwear to his ankles.

His cock slips inside of you with less friction than he would’ve thought, but he doesn’t complain, screwing his eyes shut as he acclimates to the feeling of your walls surrounding him. You moan, such a soft sound that he nearly loses his balance.

“You feel so good, baby,” he coos, digging his fingers into your hips as he rocks his own. “You’re so so perfect.”

The praise is too much for you, given the circumstances. Your brain is already cloudy, stuffed with what could only be described as cotton. You watch with half lidded eyes as he begins to piston into you at a faster speed. This all feels like a fever dream, something that was only possible in your craziest fantasies. Even then, it seemed unlikely.

“‘M close, Kev,” you whine, unable to stay still and attempting to match his thrusts.

“Already? We’ve only just started, gorgeous.” He laughs, but it’s breathy, strained from the exertion of his body. You hardly have the strength in you to be embarrassed about it, especially since he’s seen you in much worse situations.

You nod frantically, snaking a hand between you to circle your clit with nimble fingers. Kevin halts you and pulls out momentarily, sliding his cock between your folds like it was your hand. The tip catches your sensitive bundle of nerves repeatedly, making you dizzier than you already were.

He presses back into you with ease, resuming his sloppy but animalistic pace. He uses his thumb to continue your handywork, your cunt fluttering around him needily. You’re both losing your sanity quickly, both going batshit insane over the bare minimum. You’ve just needed this for so long, yearned for this moment for a humiliating amount of time.

Your moans start to rise in pitch and he groans. “Fuck, baby, you can cum for me.”

He could cry, he thinks, when your back arches and your legs shake with your orgasm. It hits you like a freight train, triggering his own release just as fast.

You stay like that for a bit, regaining yourselves and comprehending everything that’s just happened. So much for the whole hating each other narrative.

“What does this mean for us?” You suddenly ask, arms hooked around Kevin’s neck. You’re still connected by your lower halves, but he makes no effort to pull away. Part of you likes it that way, it gives you hope that this isn’t a one time affair.

“It’ll be hard for things to change overnight,” he says, massaging your sides. “We have a lot of unresolved issues and insecurities that we still have to push past. But I’m willing to do that with you. I want to take a chance on us.”

Your lips pull into a smile, an expression you don’t think you’ve worn around him genuinely in the years you’ve known him. “I do, too.”

“It’s kind of ironic that it was a performance that tore us apart and brought us back together, don’t you think?” He laughs.

“And we fucked in the dressing room…” You add, glancing to the top corner where a security camera is stationed.

“Maybe we should get out of here before someone checks the footage,” he suggests. “Tau Beta Zeta is conveniently hosting our end of semester party tonight, do you wanna be my plus one?”

“I would be honored.” You grin, pecking his lips tenderly.

Perhaps happy endings existed after all.

© juyeonszn. do not steal, claim, or repost.

[moons-cozy-corner]

Rescued Pt.4

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

TW: hospital setting, mention of past torture, angry outbursts, paranoia

Villain had gone back to silence. Hero had almost cried hearing Villains voice again after so long, and an apology at that... but now he was back to laying stiff in bed, his eyes clenched shut and his jaw clenched. Like he was trained to just sit, to barely exist.

It wasn't fair. Whatever Whumper had done to Villain to make them like this had to have been horrible. Four fucking years Hero searched for their partner to find this. Four years of torture and pain Villain had to endure.

Hero had spent so many nights awake thinking about Villain. Thinking that he was dead. Losing hope was easy after a couple weeks. Then months and years passed and soon Hero was the only one left looking.

They'd told him --begged him-- to stop searching. He didn't, and now here Villain was. How much of Villain, Hero didn't know. But some of him was still in there. Somewhere.

For now, at least, all Hero could do was wait. Sit there and make sure his darling was safe and sound. That was all that mattered. That shouldn't be a problem anymore. Not that anyone would hurt them anymore. Superhero had gone crazy, sure, but was taken care of now. Whumper had a life sentence. Fucker wouldn't be near Villain ever again.

A knock at the door startled Hero out of his thoughts. "Erm- Hero, sir," the nurse whispered, looking nervously over to Villains stiff figure. Oh no. "I'd like to speak with you in the hallway, if you don't mind."

He nodded, of course, standing and following the nurse into the hallway. As soon as he closed the door Hero's hands started trembling. "Is Villain okay?"

"Villain is just fine. He's on a steady road to recovery from his injuries. It's... something else. You may want to sit down, sir." He obliged. The nurse took a deep breath, and Hero took the chance to steel himself, too. "There's been an alert... Whumper's escaped custody."

He looked at her in shock. "Wha-where are they? Why- how did they- what?" He jumped from the chair, nearly grabbing at the girl in front of him before stopping himself. Deep breaths. He ran a hand over his face before turning back to the nurse. She looked about ready to cry. "Shit- I'm sorry. Thank you for telling me. What security measures can we implement to make sure Whumper doesn't come after Villain?"

There was a bit of silence, the nurse steeling herself to give the news. "I'm not sure, Hero, sir. The hospital is refusing to care for Villain anymore. For, um, security reasons. Perhaps... take him home? O-or perhaps to the Organization headquarters?"

This couldn't be real. Whumper was roaming the streets, the hospital was kicking Villain out. And in this state? What assholes. "Fine. Great. How am I going to get him out of here, then? He won't talk, won't move, won't even open his damn eyes." Hero gripped his hair, turning around. Holding himself together was impossible. He didn't fucking care anymore. "You can't fucking do this! You can't just- you can't kick someone out of the fucking hospital! He needs help for Christs sake! Can't you see that?" His fists flew out, one hitting the wall behind him, one flailing about desperately in front of him.

Around him people were staring. Doctors stood around, ready to intervene. Great. Now you've made a scene. Hero scoffed before turning and walking back to Villain's room. They'd uncuffed him after the incident with Superhero, mainly because it was her stupid idea in the first place. Now Hero was in charge. That was another issue Hero now had to deal with. Hero had been next in line to become head of Organization for a while. Until he was officially promoted the Organization would be in shambles. A chaotic mess. And Hero also had Whumper to deal with now…

The Organization headquarters was their only option.

A doctor brought in a wheelchair to take Villain away in. Villain didn’t fight the movement as Hero transferred him onto it. Didn’t even flinch.

“Villain, dear, can you hear me?” Hero lay a blanket over Villains lap. It was thin and not very soft, but at least it was something. Hero tried tucking it in, tried touching his dreary face, tried patting his shoulder. Nothing fazed them.

They were still as Hero led him out of the hospital and helped him into his truck. Organization Headquarters was about a half an hour away, and Hero didn’t know what to do. Should he play music? Villain used to love it when Hero base boosted his favorite CD. It would probably just cause his lover to panic now.

He put the CD on anyways, ensuring that the volume was low. Hero pulled out of the hospital and began the drive to headquarters.

The drive was awkward, to say the least. There were so many things Hero wanted to say to Villain, all of them shoved back down in his throat at the mere sight of the other. It made him want to cry. So he turned the radio up. Just a little.

After that Hero sort of zoned out. It would have been wise for him to pull over, but he didn't care. He couldn't care. Then he heard a low humming that pulled him from his lulling thoughts.

It was Villain, humming softly to the music, his head lolling back and forth. Hero started crying, although silently, and did everything to keep his attention on the road, even though his vision blurred.

The humming stopped abruptly. "...Hero?" The voice was so quiet, Hero almost thought it was a trick of the wind. Looking over he could see Villain's eyes clenched, tighter even than before, but his mouth opened again. "Are... your truck, it- the windows are t-tinted, ri-right?"

He remembered the truck. He remembered the song. He was amazed. "Yes, dear, the windows are still tinted. Just like before." Hero's attention went from the road to Villains face every few seconds, back and forth and back and forth, almost dizzying. But he saw it. Saw him open his eyes, slowly, red rimmed and nearly crazed, but open.

Tears started to fall. There was no crying, just droplets of grief pouring from his eyes. The Hero's, too. "Hero, I ca-can't-" Hiccups and sobs racked their body. "Whumper, they-I can't, I have to-"

Hero pulled over. "Woah, slow down. It's alright, love, you're safe. Take some deep breaths with me." Hero took Villains hand and rested it on their chest. Up and down, Hero made deliberately exaggerated breaths to help their beloved Villain back into a calm state of mind. "Whumper is not here. They can not hurt you. I am here. Right here."

"Say my name," he blurted out. It took Hero aback, but of course he obliged. Anything for him.

"Villain. Your name is Villain. Villain, this is what you want?" He nodded vigorously, desperately. "Villain. I've got you Villain. Okay?"

He leaned his head against his head rest, resting his eyes again. "I'm... I'm Villain, not..." He trailed off. "I'm scared."

Now it was Hero's turn to sob. "I know, love. Villain." He led Villains other hand to his chest as well, slowly as to not alarm the other. "But you're here now. I've got you. I won't ever let go."

tag-list:

@alwaysalilhigh @nicolepascaline @whumped-inc @littlespacecastle @hollowgast1 @edkore @ramadiiiisme @writereleaserepeat @when-no-wings-do-broomsticks @robinwrites @aswallowimprisoned @whumblrwork

[anika-ann]

EHHH THERE'S AN ASK GAME GOING ON? Hi Anika <3 (you probably know which pair i'm going to ask but Imma ask anywayy >:D C - Crying// U - Underwear // Z - Zones = for my beloved couple Attached Professor!Rogers and Reader <333

Oh Jam! I have no idea which pairing you were going to choose! (affectionate, so so affectionate 💕 can't believe you still love them🥺)

I also see you woke up today and chose violence. Professor Rogers approves.

Alright. Here goes. Answers to this ask game under cut (cause year, sorry, 18+ , very)

C - Crying (is it a turn on? a turn off? do they cry during sex? have they cried during sex? what was the reason?)

Our dear prof loves having fun with you, loves to tease and edge you, all smirks and smugness, but crying is a no-no for him. He had seen your tears before and they are associated with so much pain, yours and his, that making you cry is simply not on him mind.

The stupid poem slander after you started dating. Your father's harsh judgement. His own struggles after getting shot and telling you to just lose the ring if that was what you wanted. Just no.

He had taken the edging too far once, actually making you cry as you begged him and the way his body physically recoiled at the pain in his gut, the absolute dread and despise he felt was everything but a turn-on. He was the sweetest afterwards, a profoundly loving aftercare, even as you hadn't used your safeword and he most certainyl did not judge you; however he did cackle a little when you felt better about half an hour later and shyly asked him if he could finish what he started and get you off. He very much did.

He got extremely cautious after that; a blessing and curse, because he became the king of edging. He knows exactly how far he can push, he absolutely revels in hearing you beg and mewl sweetly; and to his shock, he found out he very much does enjoy the tears if they come after, just a few of them rolling out at how intense the release gets, how sweetly the relief tastes. He needs to be cautious to use his mouth or hands or toys to do that; if he was inside he, he'd lose it at the sight alone🤭✨

As for if he ever cried, it was once. After the incident with the ring and your reconcilliation, it hit him a few days after, when you made love again - that he really almost pushed you over the edge and lost you. He comes and the emotions just crush him; you hold him through it, tajen aback, but as gentle as you know he would be to you, your heart quiverring as much as his lips do for a few moments.

Z - Zones (what are their erogenous zones? what spots on their body should be touched, bitten, kissed, when someone wants to get them in the mood?)

Steve is a simple guy; you kiss him, a little deeper than usual, and he knows what you want and he's happy to hop on that train of thought. You rake your nails over his thighs - it doesn't even have to be the insight of his thighs - and he's getting putty in your hands. Expect for one part that's growing very hard. Speaking of hard parts, there isn't any more direct message than brshing your fingers right there, right? He is not immune.

He is even less immune when you climb up his lap and kiss his just about anywhere.

One zone that surprised you and actually took you a rather long time to figure out was his forearms. You genuinely didn't realize - it is most definitely a turn on for you when he rolls up his sleeves and shows off his hands and forearms and you just like running your fingers over it. You know he knows that a peek of his forearms, especially when framed by those sleeves, drives you wild, but what you didn't realize was that it was invitation for you to touch him and drive him just as crazy.

Once you know, you take advantage, alright 😌

U - Underwear (what kind of underwear do they put on in the morning, if any at all… do they own any sexy underwear or lingerie?)

Well you can be sure he has a thing for stockings and he doesn't scoff at other lingerie either.; but taht doesn't mean he cannot appreciate simple. Just because you look extremely tempting to him in lingerie, it doesn't mean he's mainyl interested in what's under 😏

As for his own underwear, he's simple guy. Boxers, usually in plain colour, no crazy patterns except for three pairs of Christmas ones you bought him. He can simp, alright; it just made you so happy and you bought matching pairs of panties and it made him smile whenever he saw it on you. And you'd better believe he loves to match, tying yourself to you, even if you two are the only ones to know.

He had lost a silly bet to you once, resulting him having to wear the stupidiest most ridiculous pair of boxers on a day when he went to the gym and had to change in front of a few guys he knew. He was not amused (he was, a little, but don't tell anyone) - he however enjoyed taking his revenge.

What revenge, you ask? Well. If he's going in stupid boxers, than you're going commando to a dinenr with him with a skirt that barely reached just above your knees after he had played with you, teased you and left you soaking and unsatisfied. You could tell he was extremely cautious to make sure you considered it risqué but agreed to do it for the adventure though, because he's a little shit, but not a dick, definitely not to you.

He teased you all night too, even if with less direct touches; he was dlighted to see you still soaking once you got home, all happy to check for that with your back pressed to the door the second they closed behind. Check with his fingers and mouth. He cleaned every. Damn. Drop. And of course, rewarded you for being so so good for him🫠🫠

Hope you're happy with the answers, dear 🥰 Thank you so much for participating💕

[im-obsess-with-pixel-characters]

Welcome to angstcember the month where I get to post relentless angst without thinking twice :3

It's December first! And I'm giving you a random piece of medie aka another short fic that's an aftermath of waf, and whatever is going on wit Travis, (most of my posts are most likely going to be Travis or Danvis related somehow I just love Them okey)

Anyways short fic under the cut

(withered thoughts)

Travis even after the incident hadn't shown much to aphmau, regardless the woman was truly worried for her friend. It's hard to process of what had happened for the past months, everything felt out of place for a long time after the whole thing

Even if they were being taken care of, the woman couldn't help but worry for her friend, something similar had happened to the valkrum in their sophomore year. She didn't know of how to approach him of this, for all she knew he was relapsing in silent to not bother others around him

The woman's suspicions were confirmed when she had gone out for a late walk and came back to their joint room finding the man curled up on the floor, legs pulled to his chest crying on his knees. The woman felt her stomach turn, she wanted to hug him so badly.

But she was aware that in a state like his, he wouldn't want anyone to touch him. So the woman walked closer and crouched down as she sat silently In front of him. The young heir looked up with a shrike as he spotted the woman. He was trying to abruptly stand up but his legs gave out making him collapse back onto the floor by the woman's side

The woman held him in her arms as he sobbed into her shoulder, he held onto the woman tightly not wanting to let go. Choke sobs with hiccups following his cries, the woman held on tighter afraid to let the boy go, “shh.. I'm here.. you aren't alone..” the woman whispered, rubbing circles on the boy's back as the sobs continued. The two sat In silent before the boy pulled away from the woman letting go of her embrace

Pulling away he looked down as small tear ran down his cheek, the woman put a hand to the boy’s cheek whipping away his tears as the boy fiddled with his hands, the room was silent and yet it felt like the silent was loud with ringing in the boys year

The woman opened her arm  with the boy falling back into an embrace, his head resting on the woman's shoulder closing his eyes. “You’re safe now, you can rest..” was all the woman said as the valkrum relaxed as his mind as his mind slip of his conscience falling asleep in the woman's hold

[minquiec]

Why GiftedEyes is kinda special to me

Oh my goddd it's been a while since I yapped 😭 I've just been busy I promise I never stop the yap but this is uhmmm smth new that I haven't really posted about cause I literally came up w it 3-5 weeks ago but it's a oc PLUS canon not oc X canon cause it's a platonic pairing between an oc and.....GOJO SATORU OUT OF ALL PPL but yea enjoy I think

This is but a temporary diversion from jipunk hshahaha cause thinking abt moving on makes me wanna throw up cause I don't like change 😍😍 but I realise it's okay to like multiple things at the same time and it doesn't define me 🤺 so anyways

(I still love all my ocs and characters and ships and what not I never move on I just can't multitask and fixate on two things at once [me trying to self affirm LOL])

So how the fuck did I get here

How did I join the masses and suddenly become a gojo satoru enjoyer? Tbh idrk cause I've been into jjk for a while and it kinda appears in phases where I'd be pretty into it for a week and then ease out and then repeat for the next couple of months but this time round it's especially bad for some reason bc???? Hello??? I suddenly grew heart eyes for gojo satoru?? Scratches head fr but LAWD ITA SO FUN cause fanart wise jjk is a way more popular series than spiderverse and i can literally feel my starving body being replenished

But besides him being obviously a pretty boy I've actually grown to like his character a lot

So you see ☝️🤓 the problem w me is whenever I like a character I always gotta really REALLY like them to the point when I start analysing their personality to see if I actually fr like them and that's how it lasts longer than an average "he fine I want him"

And w gojo I think I realized I rlly like characters who have compassion for other ppl? 😭 but it's gotta have layers idk I have a range of types so maybe I'm just talking bs

Cause it's not rlly obvious w gojo but he's really kind in terms of his compassion for humanity which makes me ssooo 🙂‍↕️☝️😭🙏🙆‍♀️🤺🫶💔💔🧍‍♂️🗣️📈📈🔥🔥‼️🆙🆙 and it shows in the way he treats his students (ignoring the fact bro stepped on peoples faces in shibuya but you sort of get what i mean not really) and in that one line where he said smth like "no one should take the youth away from young people" and im going to leap because of his own youth that was taken from literally his birth cause of his groundbreaking, historic birth with his six eyes AND limitless

So very obviously he didn't have a normal childhood, probably put on a pedestal and worshipped which meant he grew up! Kinda weirdly! And when he met suguru he could probably experience his youth for the first time (geto!! Suguru!!! Was his first and last blue spring!!!! Blue spring is a poetic way of saying youth!!!! I'm gonna LEAP) and that youth was prematurely taken away at FIFTEEN and SSEECONNDD YEAR when riko was killed which could basically be a metaphor of the death of their youth with their morals and principles being thrown into a clothes dryer and tumbled around

And I'm not gonna. Get into how much stsg make me wanna tear my hair out cause tbh I Will Cry cause I've cried atleast 4 times about them before and I'm trying to keep my peace and they actually make me so sad bc the depth of their connection Makes Me Want to dddiiieeeee 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ they're so much more than just ahaha silly ship tgt and it drives me crazy but I'm not gonna get into it bc once again; I'm Gonna Cry

Anyways back to sat or oo gojo, he can do very easily be that cold typical guy that doesn't care but instead he chooses to hold the responsibility of the jujutsu world on his shoulders alone bc unlike the higher ups who are fucking useless!!!! He doesn't want the youth to suffer for the mistakes (they inevitably do anyways though 💔) cause I saw this tweet where he literally, could've solved the whole shibuya incident in a split second if he wanted (hollow purple the whole place and easy as that) but because of the innocent people involved he chose to literally risk vulnerability by over exerting to the max like wtf did you see that he's insane he's crazy he's gojo satoru (which in the end cost him his temporary freedom 💔💔💔 but I digress)

But uhmmm that concludes why I like him so much rn 🙏🙏 I saw this rlly good tweet where it mentions from who I believe is a jjk screen writer?? And mentions that gojos attractiveness stems from his ability to show weakness and that he isn't all invincible in terms of character and im like uuueEEEEEE but I appreciate him a lot

So ofc as any normal person would deal with loving a character, obviously my crazy ass decided "wow!! What a tragic character who's so, so lonely!!! I can't stand this and my heart cries for you so I'm gonna give you a companion because the canonical media treats you too painfully!!!!!"

Like a normal person does

So now we enter mins crazy bitch domain, my mind palace, my noggin if you will and all this takes a sharp detour to Cringeville but when have I ever gaf

A key aspect of Ruri's character is that she revolves around the failure of authorities in her life, starting from young where she is exploited for monetary means because of her jujutsu talent. I kinda made it on purpose that she parallels w satoru in a way where both were deprived of a normal childhood due to their talent? She is then failed again by the higher ups in the incident where she loses an eye due to their mistake and it's important to note that during this time (around ~2006 to ~2007) the star vessel plasma stuff happened and haibara dying due to higher ups so it really just solidifies that theme of children being exploited and burdened for the mistakes cause by the generation before them.

So because of this, there's already a different kind of connection between all of the surviving students of this time (mmm sort of minus suguru cause he went off and uhm,, started his cult and became public enemy #1)

On top of this initial connection of trauma, prior to it ruri and satoru had a more whimsical thing going on where they both have special eyes kind of (hence why I named it GiftedEyes cause they're technically both gifted in their own sense and they got fucked up eyes hahahaha) and during this time period, he's just very cheeky and cocky and she barely tolerates him bc ehhh he's just like that but he's nice in his own fucked up way

For shoko and suguru it's more of a normal friendly close relationship cause ruri's canonically likeable HaHaHa she's just very nice to be around so the 4 are in this close friend group tgt but I won't get tm into their dynamic or whtevr the fuck they have going on

So after the star ves incident and ruri's accident, she disappears for like ATLEAST A DECADE I THINK,,, TO HEAL?? (I'm still working on this but all ik is the higher ups took her away for healing) so none of the three see her again till 2018 (WHAT REALLY FUCKS ME UP IS THAT SHE NEVER GOT TO SEE SUGURU AGAIN,,,,, there's one situation where she actually sort of walks past mimiko and nanako in a public setting and she recognises a bit of his CE [this shit ain't canon, making this up cause it's part of her CT ajjajaj] but she brushes it off)

But anyways the dynamic changed when they meet again as adults in 2018 where instead of barely tolerating his shenanigans, ruri grew to be one of very few people who actually indulge his personality (as masked as it might be bc cmon now) because seeing familiar faces after all they've been through makes her sad 😞😞 it doesn't help she's older AJAJA only by a little but she's biologically inclined (ruri: oct 20 shoko: nov 7 satoru: dec 7 suguru: feb 3)

And while I say indulge, I don't mean she's actively encouraging it LOL she still has that stoic calm personality from adolescence but it's more like she turns the other way whenever he's being goofy (she buys him sweets and souvenirs whenever she comes back from missions)

And its cause like, the idea of someone who's on the top of the chain, the world even, finding comfort in an old friend makes me soooooo sssssssooooooo aAAAUYYEEUUGGHHHHHH it's what he deserves after so long so this is my coping okay and it kills me cause i think he (bear with me here lemme be cringe) would find a lot of comfort in her presence again cause sometimes it's like she's a time capsule from the distant past where he was actually happy and can't help but almost revert to the silly cheeky version 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ he may be suffering from his breakup for the past decade BUT atleast he got his girl SPACEBAR friends to support him (shoko and ruri)

Platonic love also really makes me sob cause like ,,, it's the way you've formed such a connection and affection (non romantically) strung by the mishaps and tragedies you've suffered together,,,ueueue but yea that's it i think i need to honk shoo mimimi they r special to me

[doxiehasfeelings]

Started this as a lil side blog following my absolutely collapse into feelings from having forgotten request my repeat prescription of Effexor.

Context: I've been on various anti-depressants for years and years now (Zoloft, Effexor are the big two, but I've also been on Prozac, Celexa and more). Last year was a year of tremendous change and healing for me: it turned out I 'just' had ADHD and a butt load of unprocessed trauma that got addressed with my diagnosis, starting Vyvanse, and undertaking a set of EMDR sessions back in the summer of last year.

I've felt so... secure since then. I work professionally with a bunch of clinical psychologists/therapists/mental health folks and during the Vyvanse shortage in October time was the only blip I had - turns out I can manage my feelings when I am not immediately drowning in them! Wild, I know.

Back to now: Anyhow, while suffering from the worst brain zaps I've had in a long time, I'm realising that Effexor has just been numbing my feelings all along and I don't actually want that to happen. I knew this to an extent: I requested to go back onto antidepressants after a year of not being on them after I developed PTSD-symptoms following surgery and an inciting incident at work. I did this because I knew that it would blunt those feelings and I didn't want to take time off work while I waited for therapy to start (I don't regret this, but I also don't recommend it).

However this is actively harming me now and so I need to come off them. I realised this today following me forgetting to re-order my medication. Subsequently, I've not taken Effexor in 3 days now. I'm not anxious, I'm not depressed, but I am incredibly sad. My mother died in January, and while I've cried a bit and been sad, I've never thought that I reacting with the intensity that I expected to. Grief is different for everyone and how we react is completely unique depending on so many different variables.

But my mother died unexpectedly and suddenly in her sleep at a very young age. She was my inspiration and my rock and I love her very much. On reflection, I have spent the last few months mostly disassociated. I've had a few tears, but nothing from what I expected. Today is the first time I've actually felt grief in a way that I kept expecting to feel after my wonderful Mum vanished from my life. I've cried for nearly an hour now and am tearful while writing this. It feels like I've finally unlocked a part of me that I couldn't access before now.

So! I've requested a medication review with my GP, I'm going to come off Effexor. As tempting as it is to just go cold-turkey (given how I'm feeling right now and the fact that I'm already accidentally two days into this, I ran out of meds on Sunday) but I'm also not an idiot so will be tapering off slowly.

(Verywellmind.com on the symptoms of antidepressant discontinuation syndrome)

I want to reiterate: I am a grieving adult woman who has experienced sad things happening to her. Having feelings is normal! Having sad feelings is normal!

I guess I'm starting this as a way to chronicle my own journey though my emotional wellbeing and how I'm starting to move away from relying on medication to manage my feelings.

This is not a blog that attacks medication and the need of it for folks who have issues around their mental health. For some people, medication for mental health is a requirement to live a healthy life and this absolutely should not be ignored. If you need an anti-depressant, mood stabilisers, anti-psychotic etc etc, keep on it. I'm working with my health providers to ensure I'm healthy while doing this, and my context is very different to that of a lot of other folks.

[crazycoke-addict]

The Crying Child witnessed Charlotte Emily's Death (a theory) part 1.

Before I start I wanna mentioned this was an old theory I made up since we know why the nightmare animatronics were made because the fazbear frights are supposed to answer questions that have been unanswered. However I really love this theory I made myself and it could be only answered for the games itself.

In FNAF 4 during the mini games, there's an implication that the crying child saw something he shouldn't and has a fear of going to Fredbear's Family Diner. It appears that Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria was opened around the time,Fredbear's family Diner was still opened based off the merchandise, the tv series and the timeline itself. In Fazbear Frights book, It's revealed that the missing children incident took place in 1985 and In FNAF 2 where it’s revealed this was taken place in 1987. The phone guy says they are trying to contact one of the owners whom has disappeared. This is definitely Henry Emily.

Henry Emily doesn't make an appearance until Pizzeria Simulator which is in the games. However his first appearance is in the silver eyes Trilogy where it is shown that he is 100% of the child who would possessed The Puppet and that child being a daughter. After the death of Charlotte Emily and the missing Children incident, Henry Emily distances himself from the company that he pretty much goes MIA.

The first time, we witnessed Charlie's death is in the FNAF 2 mini game called Take Cake To Children where you see Freddy giving cake to children while a child is locked outside crying to get in. The car pulls up and the purple guy comes out and is seen going towards the child, the child cries more until you get jumpscared by the puppet. We don't get a confirmation that the puppet did possessed the child who died outside is one of the owner's daughter and the owner being Henry Emily and the daughter being Henry Emily. While FNAF 2 and Pizzeria Simulator are 3 years apart and the mini games look different to each other. They still have 3 important things, both have a kid locked outside, both have kids inside and both have association with the puppet.

While yes in the FNAF 2 mini game has Freddy Fazbear. I do believe that this is Fredbear more specifically Henry dressing up as Fredbear since they mentioned in the books. Henry made the puppet for Charlie's safety since it's possible that William Afton were killing children. Henry mentioned that Charlie wouldn't have wandered off meaning that he was at the pizzeria at the time of her death and was working.

In Pizzeria Simulator, there's mini game called Midnight Motorist. You play a character whom appears to be yellow driving a car while it's raining. You first stop at a place called JRs than later on go home where he finds out that one of his kids have escape to go to the pizzeria. Where he says that he's going to that damn place and see a broken window.

While the identity of the yellow guy is a mystery, I think they are saying that this is William Afton. The yellow guy is driving a purple car which is associated with Afton and in the intro of Pizzeria Simulator, you see a bear dressed up with a purple suit but a yellow tie. It's basically saying that the yellow and purple guy is both William Afton, another thing also is that Afton used the spring Bonnie locksuit which has a yellow texture.

Both the security puppet game and the midnight motorist game are connected because in the game files of midnight motorist is titled Later that night and how in the both mini games, it is raining. When afton returns home, his eldest son whom we known is Michael Afton is watching TV and tells his father to leave his little brother alone since he has had a rough day. The rough day could be anything but I believe that it has something to do with his sister, Elizabeth Afton. It is likely that a kid mentioned his sister in a cruel way while was still mourning. There have been cases where the funtime animatronics were made earlier in the timeline. The first clue we have is that in the FNAF 4 mini game, we see an empty girl's room but the little girl isn't present meaning that Elizabeth has been murdered by Circus Baby.

William Afton seems to be protective of his young children or rather he was just trying to make sure that they kept their distance at certain things where does his murders. In Sister location, you hear a little girl asking her father why can't be near Circus Baby even though she was created for her. Than later on, we see in Midnight Motorist that Afton is upset that his youngest has ran away to go to the pizzeria. Because the pizzeria is one of his hunting grounds. At the start of the fnaf 4 when crying child head over to the plushies, he says that they are his friends. This is shown that the crying child isn't scared of Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria.

While we don't have a confirmation on when Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria was opened, there is definite proof that the place was opened in 1983. FNAF help wanted 2 seems to show that this is the case. The first one being that is that they are already selling plushies, there's a tv show and that you can get a fazbear token which has the year 1983. There's also a fallfest poster which has the four animatronics and the puppet in the background. This could also symbolise of Charlie protecting and watching over the missing Children but we know that a fall fest happened in 1983 based off the banner we see in the dreadbear dlc.

In the fazbear frights books, in the first short story, it is confirmed that the missing Children incident took place in 1985 and articles on the FNAF 1 that the place closes down. We know that FNAF 1 take place in 1993 based off the check but also make sense for freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria to opened in 1983 than later on in 1987 they reopened the pizzeria and see the old animatronic whom are withered.

[dragondemoness]

Forgiveness - Ultimate Cuteness Series Part 3.5 (Alternate)

Sooo I’ve developed a bit of a soft spot for the Ultimate Bully, and I think that killing them off was a bit of a rash move. I just did it ‘cause I thought it was a good idea, but I could also do a redemption ending. So that’s what I’m gonna do :3

Description: After being at odds with each other for years, the Ultimate Cuteness and the Ultimate Bully finally set their differences aside and become friends.

Warnings: Implications of past child abuse, mild angst, fluff

After the incident, you and your bully avoided each other.

Thanks to your partner intervening, they knew not to bother you.

But something in you still felt sad. The two of you had known each other since childhood, and for some reason, they always seemed to hate you. No matter what you did.

Little did you know, that wasn’t the case.

The Ultimate Bully sat across the cafeteria, watching you while you talked and laughed with your significant other. They used to look at you with contempt, taking in how pathetic you were before making fun of you like they always did.

But in that moment, they felt nothing. They came to terms with the fact that you had everything they ever wanted, and they apparently weren’t meant to have anything good.

They stood up from the table and took a walk outside. After picking a spot by the doors of Hope’s Peak, they popped a cigarette in their mouth and lit it. After taking a long drag from it, memories of their childhood come rushing back. The feeling of their father’s grip on their wrist, the searing pain of the stove as their arm was pressed down onto it, crying while their mother made them finish a cigarette they had taken from the box she’d left out. 

Their unhappy childhood combined with the history your families shared, they ended up lashing out at you whenever they could. They envied you. You had everything they always wanted; a loving caretaker, friends everywhere you went, and the most perfect personality they could think of. Even they were drawn to your charm.

But UB decided hating you would be easier and continued to torment you. The look on your face as you cried was irritating to them. What right did you have to cry when your life was so perfect? You never truly suffered. This only strengthened their resolve, and they allowed their anger to consume them.

Last week, before they tore your bunny plush, they had a short moment to think. It was your most precious item, and they always left it alone when they pestered you, even though they always made fun of it. But in that moment, the anger they felt towards you was too strong, and they allowed it to guide them.

As they took another drag from their cigarette, they wondered what to do with themself. They no longer desired to torment you. They just wanted to fall asleep in an endless void. No one would care if they did. Not even you, surely. But first, they wanted the chance to take control of their life, just once. 

That night, they began packing their things into boxes while their parents were asleep. Thankfully, the headmaster of Hope’s Peak kept a dorm reserved for them, in case they did decide to move. 

UB would’ve loved to move, but their parents declined the offer for them. But they needed to take advantage of the empty dorm before someone else did. So in only two hours, they packed up their things and brought them to the empty dorm. They got the key from Headmaster Kirigiri, and fell asleep in a different bed.

The next day, they went about their business at school, continuing to avoid you. And that evening, they went home to retrieve their dog from the basement of their house. 

But they saw their father standing on the porch, with his arms folded and a sour expression on his face.

“Why weren’t you at home this morning?”

“Oh, so you actually noticed?” Despite their bitter tone, UB’s body was stiff with fear. Everyone was inside of their houses, and the two of them were completely alone. Their father could do anything to them, and no one would know.

“You moved into the dorms, didn’t you?” He spoke again.

“Maybe I did. What about it?” UB hated how shaky their voice sounded. Their father narrowed his eyes.

“I do believe that we decided that you would remain with us. Did you forget?”

The look in his eyes scared them. But they stood their ground.

“I’m sixteen. What I do is none of your concern. It’s not like you care where I go or what happens to me, anyway.”

Their father silently came down the stairs of the porch and stopped when they were right in front of them. The way he towered over them was even more intimidating. He raised his hands and UB flinched, preparing for the impact. But he placed them softly on their shoulders.

“Come on, now. Wouldn’t you rather stay here, where you could do anything you wanted? I could take you wherever you want to go, buy you anything you want. I know it’s been hard since your brother passed away, but we can change things. The three of us, we could be a real family.”

That last line made them shiver. He had used it to manipulate them before, when they were once offered to stay with you and your grandma. Back then, twelve year old UB jumped at the chance, hoping for a brighter future. What a fool they were. Their parents had no intentions of changing, and they knew it. Even though the temptation to accept his “offer” was there, they threw his hands off their shoulders and stepped away.

“Don’t pretend that you actually give a damn about me. Neither of you are gonna change, and we both know that. You loved Taro. He was your precious little golden child. Well, he’s gone now, and you don’t get to keep me around anymore.”

The expression on their father’s face turned to anger, and he reached out and grabbed their wrist.

“You ungrateful brat. We’ve kept you under our roof for years, and you have the nerve to rebel? You are not going to those dorms, and you are staying with us! Whether you like it or-”

UB clenched their fist and jerked their arm out of their father’s grip. 

“No! You don’t get a say in what I do! The only reason you want to keep me around is to use me as your punching bag whenever you feel like it! Well, I’m not letting you do that anymore. And if you don’t get your ass back inside, people are gonna wonder what the hell’s going on, and I’m gonna tell them exactly what you’ve done to me for the past five years! I’ve got the evidence everywhere on my body! Now get out of my face, and never talk to me again!”

Their father clenched their fist in anger, and drew it back to prepare a punch. UB stiffened up and kept their gaze on him. Their father stopped before he released the blow, and with a low grumble, he turned back and stormed back inside the house. UB went to the door of the basement and let out their husky, then walked back up the road. Once they did, you emerged from behind a nearby tree, causing them to jump.

“Shit-! Uh... How much of that did you see?”

“Basically all of it.” You answered. UB looked away and rubbed the back of their neck awkwardly.

“Welp. Guess there’s no point in hiding it anymore.” You joined them and you started walking back to Hope’s Peak together. You turned to UB, who stared ahead with a focused expression.

“So... How long has that been going on?” You asked. They kept their gaze forward as they answered.

“About five years. They’ve hated my guts since I was born, but they didn’t put their hands on me until my brother died five years ago.”

You nodded in understanding, feeling your heart ache for them. “Is that why you hate me so much?”

“Believe it or not, I never hated you. I was just jealous of you. You have everything a person could ask for, and the universe just likes to keep kicking me down every day. I guess I just don’t deserve to have good things.”

You reached out and took their hand in yours. “That’s not true. You’re a person, just like the rest of us. I’m sorry for what your parents did to you, and for what happened to your brother. But you don’t have to worry about them hurting you anymore. I’ll gladly be your friend, if you need one.”

UB looked at you in surprise, then looked away with regret.

“Why are you still being nice to me? I’ve tormented you for years, with no reason whatsoever, and just last week, I ripped something that’s so precious to you.”

“Well... I always had a feeling that the way you acted came from a place of pain, and now I see that I was right. My grandma always told me that even if people try to knock me down, I should keep being positive. The world keeps spinning anyway, and if I keep trying, I could help make the world better. I live my life by that statement, so I don’t like to give up on people. Even if they’re mean.”

UB looked at you in awe and lightly chuckled.

“It’s kinda funny. Our families have been at each other's throats for years.”

You reached out your hand for them to shake.

“Sometimes breaking tradition is the best thing to do.”

They stared at your hand for a second before taking it into their own and shaking it. Afterwards, you tugged on their hand and pulled them close to you and hugged them. They stiffened in shock for a second before hugging you back. Once you pulled away, the husky jumped on you with its tail wagging, and the two of you shared a laugh as you scratched its head. Then you resumed your walk to Hope’s Peak Academy, laughing and talking together all the while.

[somedayonbroadway]

Henris getting found out by Jack?

For sure! Here’s the first Henris scene I wrote too!

Jack had had a rough day. He’d accidentally eaten something with dairy in it and had been leaning over the toilet in the boy’s locker room, throwing up since third period. He looked pale when he walked through the door, finally. He left before the last period had started. He was supposed to meet Katherine at her doctor’s appointment later, but he wasn’t sure he’d be able to get back up if he laid down now.

No one else should’ve been home. Jack had a schedule for all the kids in the house. It was currently 1:30 in the afternoon. School for the older kids let out at 2:45 and the younger kids were supposed to be picked up at 3. No one came home until 3:12.

So when Jack heard someone giggling in the kitchen, he was taken aback. He was hunched over a bit and he slowly put his bag down on the ground so he could shuffle in to see who was breaking the rules. He wasn’t prepared for what he saw. “Get the hell off of my little brother!” he cried.

Morris jumped up immediately from where he’d been sitting on the ground in a pile of loose flour, hands up Henry’s shirt and their lips locked. Henry quickly followed suit. “Jack, it ain’t what it looks like— whoa, are you okay?”

Jack lunged at Morris who immediately rushed to get out of the house. He ran out the backdoor and Jack chased him. “Get back here, you coward!” He watched Delancey jump the fence so he stopped. “Stupid, stupid, kid,” he growled as Henry grabbed his arm.

“Don’t chase him!” Henry insisted. “Jackie, he wasn’t hurting me. He loves me, I love him, Jack, I love him.”

Jack stared at Henry for a long time. Then he shook his head. “Henry, you don’t know what that means,” he insisted, walking back to the house and reaching for the phone. Trespassing is a felony. He could get Morris in trouble for that.

“Jack, I love him, he’s not a bad person—“

“You’re being stupid, Henry!” Jack hissed. “He’s not in love with you and you are just so lovesick, you’re letting yourself fall right into this! He’s the reason Racer’s been to the hospital twice in the past three months! He’s the reason I almost died last year! He’s a psychopath! Not to mention, homophobic—“

“It was an act, Jack! It’s internalized homophobia!” Henry cried, grabbing the phone out of Jack’s hand. “His uncle is awful to him! He’s just as fucked up as we are—“

“No! We don’t hurt other people for fun!” Jack growled. “We are nothing alike—“

“He reminds me so much of you, actually. You’re both too stupid to see past any little incident that happens!” Henry growled.

Jack scoffed. “Incident? That’s what you call him literally poisoning me?” he hissed.

“He didn’t know it could kill you—“

“Fuck off, Hen. You can’t see him no more. This is not love. You don’t know what love is!” Jack spat.

“And you do? You knocked up some girl, so what?! You don’t love her! We all see the way you look at Davey!” Henry shot.

And Jack froze.

It was then that Henry knew he’d taken it too far. He looked down. Jack was having a horrible time trying to navigate this with no real parents to help him. Katherine was pregnant. They hadn’t meant for it to happen. And Henry knew how sensitive this subject was.

But before he could apologize, Jack was storming away and slamming the door to his room.

Henry didn’t follow him. Jack’s definitely did not want to see him right now.

[dorn-queen-of-thorns]

2nd chapter of " The power in me"

The catastrophe takes its course

3 years and six months before

In a panic, Sasuke runs through a devastated Konoha. Up until this morning everything was still relatively in order, if you can put it that way. Boruto has been brought to the Science Institute with a new mark on his chest, which Kawaki was responsible for this. Boruto explained to Sasuke that he himself asked Kawaki to do this.

Sasuke suspected a deep desperation between the two boys that compelled them to do this. According to the records, Momoshiki tried again to gain the upper hand over Boruto's body.

Also, there has been an incident at the Institute involving Code that ended with Code kidnapping Amado and being taken out of Konoha, whether the suspected scientist was still alive was uncertain at this time.

A few hours later, pure chaos raged in Konoha involving the Uzomaki boy. In recent times, the cases where Konoha is on the brink and Boruto has always been the focus. A huge dimensional gate gaped in the sky, sucking in everything and everyone who couldn't escape or were too weak.

Well, Sasuke doesn't blame the boy for that, he didn't choose to become Momoshiki's vessel and this incident must have something to do with the Otsukis, he's sure of it. He and his father should have taken care of him much sooner, which unfortunately meant Boruto's death. The boy was aware of his fate. Everything that was important to him that his family and friends could live in safety. He and Kawaki have been able to face the consequences where he and Naruto have failed.

The last thing he saw of the boy was disappearing through the gate with the young novice scientist Sumire in his arms and then closing it behind him.

But it's not Boruto that's causing him to lose his composure now and isn't part of his concern now.

The reason is different and lies in his arms.

In his arms lies his daughter Sarada, who is badly injured and has lost consciousness. She hasn't woken up once since he's been with her.

There is now a gaping hole where her right eye should be. The bleeding has stopped on its own, which he takes as a good sign, but it would calm him down even more if she were awake. Any sign, maybe questions what happened to her, or cries of pain, even a helpless whimper, would calm him down a bit.

But her silence is frightening for him and unbearable.

Little Peanut! Please wake up!!! he begs silently and thinks back to better old days.

Sarada hated that nickname so much and was so embarrassed whenever Sasuke called her that.

Sometimes in the past he made fun of calling her by that name.

Papa, you are so embarrassing!, were her words then, but then she had to grin herself that he called her that and only he was allowed to call her by this silly name.

Sasuke thinks of a time when he made the mistake of teasing Sarada with peanuts in front of her three teammates.

Well the situation ended with Sarada and Boruto immediately getting in a fight after Boruto called her by her hated pet name. Sasuke then had to separate the two brawlers.

Mitsuki observed the situation like he always does and Kawaki….

He watched the boy staring at the scene in fascination and Sasuke clearly saw color in Kawaki's face of the otherwise rather pale boy.

Sasuke distrusted Kawaki in one respect and the reason was Sarada.

Not that malicious distrust between enemies or a dangerous situation.

No, that suspicion was the kind of suspicion that existed among fathers when their daughters started to become interesting to boys or, in some cases, girls.

And Kawaki was clearly showing signs of interest that Sarada has yet to ignore or keep well hidden from her father.

The boy had always been close to her on missions or, judging from a report by Naruto, worked closely with her.

That damn Naruto! Not only that, he recommended Kawaki to Sarada's team.

To top it all off, he must have gotten Kawaki and Sarada together, judging from a girlfriend chat between Ino and Sakura. Sakura was amused that Sarada found a boyfriend and addressed him as "Kawaki kun" in the hospital, like she used to do to her love. A circumstance that Sasuke painfully reminds that at some point in the future he will no longer be the most important male reference person for his daughter.

Ultimately, the boy acts just like Sasuke did around Sakura when they were genin. He clearly sees parallels to his relationship with Sakura and his daughter with Kawaki.

On top of that, there was almost a fight just now.

Sasuke found the boy holding Sarada protectively in his arms and a disjointed Delta, a cyborg created by Amado. Judging by his eyes, there must have been a fight and he must have cried for her.

Sasuke knew this was a dangerous situation for him and Sarada . He had to somehow get Kawaki to let go of Sarada.

First, Sasuke tried to calmly persuade Kawaki that Sarada needed medical attention as soon as possible and that she needed to see her mother immediately.

The boy didn't react to Sasuke's words and still clutched Sarada.

Memories well up in Sasuke as he saw the sight. Sakura also reacted to protect him from harm.

Sasuke slowly got closer to the two and Sarada doesn't make a sound, when he stood almost a few centimeters in front of the two, everything happened very quickly.

Sasuke noticed that in seconds, Kawaki's horn grew rapidly, similar to Boruto's when he lost control of himself.

Within seconds, Kawaki attacks his opponent with his blade Sasuke, which he in turn fends off with his katana.

The strength and hardness of the ninja tool blade that grows from Kawaki's right arm has increased in strength and hardness many times over. Unlike the last time the boy attacked the scientist Amado, Sasuke was able to easily destroy this blade.

Sasuke is well aware of the emotional and desperate state Boruto's foster brother must be in.

Their faces are a few centimeters apart and Sasuke sees the young Uzomaki crying silently incessantly.

This is the moment that Sasuke takes advantage of and traps his opponent in a genjutsu.

Sasuke didn't expect it to be that easy. He has the feeling that his opponent willingly indulged in the genjutsu in order to be able to forget the sorrow and pain.

However, Sasuke can't worry too much about Kawaki and leaves him to his own devices.

He quickly takes his daughter from the arms of her teammate and friend.

Unnoticed, Sarada's body drops something...

But Sasuke doesn’t have time to react and he quickly makes his way to Sakura, Sarada's mother.

Where is she? Sasuke asks himself desperately, she must be around here somewhere...

He made his way straight to the hospital. But where the Konoha Hospital was supposed to be, there is a ruin that looks like any other. Rubble and destruction everywhere, which Sasuke is only realizing now. In the streets and alleys of the once beautiful Konoha with all the small achievements and attractions of the 6th and 7th Hokage there are only mountains of rubble, dead and injured.

Konoha has never been particularly lucky in its history. Again and again it became a theater of war or destructiveness of powerful opponents like Pain, or Nagato as he was really called.

And every time Konoha has risen like the phoenix from the ashes.

Unconsciously, Sasuke looks at the rest of his hometown's landmark, the well-known Hokage Mountain.

Where the well-known landmark of the city was once recognizable, only destroyed grimaces are left.

The face of the 7th is even half gone. Startled, Sasuke realizes what it might mean.

If his own daughter's situation weren't so tragic, he would be worried about his best friend.

Desperately he looks for his wife and the otherwise calm person screams anxiously for his wife, like a small child for its mother. "SAKURAAAAA!!!"

Otherwise he would scold himself pathetically for it.

But his daughter's situation is anything but pathetic, it is life-threatening.

When he seems to have given up all hope, hear her familiar and beloved voice.

"Sasuke kun?" She emerges from behind the rubble. Despite all the dust and dirt on her face, hair and clothes, she's still unmistakably his Sakura. Anywhere he would recognize her beautiful, bright green eyes.

Reassured that her husband and daughter have returned to her, she holds her hand to her heart. Now that both are standing in front of her, everything will be fine again…. Won’t be?

Strange she has never seen her Sasuke so distraught, even the horrors of the 4th Ninja World War had left him cold on the outside back then.

She quickly recognizes the reason for this, she is shocked to see her daughter's pale skin color, which is already graying.

Sasuke looks at her with all the hope in his one eye.

Sakura sees the hole from Sarada's empty right eye level, blood starts to clot in places. Asking what happened is obvious.

"Where did you find her? How long has she been like this?” she asks professionally.

She's trying to hide her fucking fear. If she loses her composure, how will her husband fare?

Otherwise he is always the strong, composed one of the two and always gives her support.

This time she has to be the one who has to be strong for both of them.

PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, SAKURA!!!! , she thinks.

Sakura notices Sasuke fighting back tears as she performs the field inspection and examines her daughter with her hands after a chakra flow is still active. Where countless chakras should flow, she only feels cold...

"Her bleeding stopped 15 minutes ago and I found her with the boy Kawaki..." he says in a cracked, hoarse voice.

"Is he responsible for this?" Sakura's hands clench in anger.

Sasuke shook his head in reassurance, "I don't think so. He tried to defend her from me and also has defended her against of one of the institutes cyborgs. I had to lock a genjutsu on him to make him let go of her. He showed no hint of guilt, much more sadness and..."

Sakura realizes what her husband is getting at, and she has also noticed that Sarada is becoming more popular with the boys, especially Naruto's foster son, Kawaki. Without any reason she will not have given him the lavender flowers almost a year ago, as Ino told her. Also, Naruto had already asked her, if Kawaki could watch Sasuke and Sarada's training session. Sakura wanted to ask her husband and convince her to let the boy watch as well.

Sakura never wanted to see the day that Sarada had to die before her parents.

After all her exertion, her tears are now flowing.

Sasuke senses that there is no hope for their daughter when he sees Sakura's tears falling down Sarada's forehead. Both hold each other in grief over their common daughter and cry the pain out of their souls. After what feels like an eternity, Sasuke finds the words back first.

" Would it have helped if I had been with her faster?... I shouldn't have focused too much on Boruto... It's my fault... I ignored Sarada….” Sakura feels her husband's pain.

Sakura shakes her head reassuringly, "Please don't blame yourself for this. We all knew how dangerous Boruto's condition was and that he had to be kept under surveillance... Besides, her death probably occurred in a few seconds to minutes, you couldn't have reacted that fast....and self-blame isn't helping her at this moment...."

Sasuke looks at his wife doubtfully and thinks about what he said, ".... What do you mean by that?... Is there anything else you can do for her?... You're not thinking about the Tensei no Jutsu, are you??? "

Sakura is silent for a moment and shakes her head resolutely, " No, I can bring corpses to life with the Tensei no Jutsu. But at the end of the day, they're corpses that either succumb to the natural process of decomposition or the jutsu ends up being broken…” Sakura dries her tears and doesn't want her to look so tearful at what she's now planning to perform.

Before all his hopes are gone, Sakura takes his hands in hers. What lies ahead is for everyone here an end and a new beginning at the same time...

Sakura has been looking at her companion with love since childhood, wishing they had spent more time together with Sarada. Large green eyes, as pure as jade stones meet a coal-black, with the strongest emotions it changes to blood to fiery red eye.

"I know of another way to help her..." Sakura says calmly.

Sakura sees new hope glimmering in her husband's remaining eye, "How am I supposed to help you?" Sasuke is aware that he is not of much help to Sakura in her specialty and yet he wants to do everything in his power to help their girl.

"Keep an eye on her. No matter what. Your job is to monitor her breathing and please hold my hands..." Sakura says seriously.

Sasuke nods to his wife and gives her all his hopes and trust.

Sakura takes a last deep breath for what is to come.

She saw this jutsu once in practice and actively experienced it. Gaara, the Kage of Sunagakure bequeathed all of the user's information to Naruto during his tenure as Hokage.

Important and valuable documents that Naruto doesn't know how to handle and he was smart enough to pass them on to the right hands so that no one messes with them.

This jutsu is as simple as it is explosive, as can be seen from the secret notes of the user Chiyo. With this jutsu you could really bring the dead to life with the fact that the user lets the dead live. A price Sakura is willing to pay if her daughter can live for it.

Sasuke does what Sakura asked him to do and watches Sarada closely. First, Sakura breaks her Byakugou no Jutsu seal. Black tattoos in the form of lines travel across her body, visible on her arms and legs. Nothing to worry about, he's seen it on her quite a few times and he knows that Sakura will use up a lot of chakra for this action.

She slowly begins the procedure and Sasuke feels his hands getting warm, this must be Sakura's medicine jutsu.

"Keep eye contact with her. If she wakes up and is in pain, a familiar face will take away her fear and prevent a panic attack," says Sakura calmly, "...Do you remember when she was smal? She always adored you..."

Sasuke has to smile at the shared memories and becomes melancholic. He misses the time when Sarada was so small and always wanted to be in his arms.

"I can still remember the time well..."

"Yes, these times were good. I remember one day when she wanted to paint your nails and couldn't give up until she got her way...

But papa had granted his little peanut's every wish..."

Strange somehow does Sasuke feel like Sakura's voice is getting older and weaker? Certainly caused by the stress and the effort...

"Don't remind me, Sakura. I had to go to the Hokage HQ for a meeting that same evening and I was standing there with your pink and red nail polish on my hands. Naruto and Shikamaru still tease me about the story to this day..." Sasuke laughs softly.

Nice times together, the best of his life when he thinks about it.

Then, after what felt like an eternity, his daughter's first sign of life.

With a deep breath, Sarada sees the light of day for the second time and says softly, " Papa..."

Sarada looks at him faintly from her remaining eye. Black circles under her eye adorn her eye, a small price for the worries and fears of the last 2 hours about his daughter,

" Please rest, Sarada, you have to divide your strength. Think about your chakra control..."

His daughter nods weakly in confirmation and falls asleep again...

The happiness of having Sarada alive again comes at a high price, as he now learns. Shortly after Sarada regains consciousness, Sakura's seal dissolves and so does all contact with the living world.

Sasuke feels the skin contact between him and Sakura breaking down. He immediately looks over at his wife. But is it really still Sakura?

In front of him is a woman aged 90 years or more. The once gorgeous pink hair has now turned gray and dull. Deep wrinkles line her face. Age spots have appeared on all sorts of places on her body and dull eyes that were so bright green until a few minutes ago look at him tiredly.

Stunned and almost in tears in shock, he wants to yell at her and ask why she did it.

The reason for this is obvious and lies in his arm. Before Sasuke can say anything else and wake Sarada up, Sakura grabs her husband's face. Sasuke wants to say so much more to her, but he knows that these are the last words of his love and he doesn't dare interrupt her.

"Please take Sarada away from here. You know who can help her and please don't blame yourself... Because I... don't regret anything... I love you both infinitely..." she says with a raspy voice and gives Sasuke one last goodbye kiss before all life leaves her.

Sasuke knows that Sarada's reserves will not last long and so he sets out with a heavy heart to bring their daughter to a safe place.

But he will return to give his wife a proper burial and to have a place for himself and Sarada to share thoughts with Sakura.

[eugene114]

Judah, Tamar, and the Indomitable Flame of Chanukah

By Jonah S.C. Muskat-Brown

Art by Sefira Lightstone

Hide and Seek

As a young child, Rabbi Avraham the Malach, son of Rabbi Dovber, the Mezritcher Maggid, burst into his father’s study in tears.1

While playing hide-and-seek with his friends, he explained, he had hidden so well that nobody could find him. After some time, he reasoned that his friends’ prolonged silence meant that he had won the game and he decided to come out of his hiding spot to reveal himself and claim his reward.

As soon as he emerged, however, he noticed that they had all turned to playing other games and had given up trying to find him. He cried to his father at the thought of everyone having abandoned hope of him ever returning, thinking he had disappeared forever.

In many ways, the young boy’s pain is similar to our collective relationship with G‑d throughout history.

Shortly after their creation, Adam and Eve, the first humans, played hide-and-seek with G‑d in the Garden of Eden. They first hid in shame and embarrassment of their new self-awareness;2 shortly thereafter, it was G‑d’s turn to hide. Sadly, He has hidden so well throughout our dark and difficult years of exile that, over time, we began to forget His existence and ultimately stopped looking for Him.3

But, in truth, the connection has never been severed.

Our Loyalty

We always read the puzzling narrative of the incident between Judah and Tamar in close proximity to the seemingly unrelated holiday of Chanukah.4 The Torah describes how Tamar, twice widowed from Judah’s two sons, concealed her identity, dressed as a harlot, and had relations with her father-in-law, Judah. Before engaging in this act, she requested that he leave his ring, garment, and staff with her as collateral in lieu of payment for their brief encounter.5

Three months passed, and someone informed Judah that his daughter-in-law, Tamar, had become pregnant through harlotry. Ignorant to the fact that he was responsible for her pregnancy, Judah ordered that she be taken out and executed. Tamar then quickly revealed the security belonging to the one with whom she had relations. Judah immediately identified his belongings and took ownership for what he had done.

Tamar merited to birth twin boys, one of whom gave lineage to the future Messiah.

We are each crafted with a literal spark (or essence) of G‑d buried within us,6 and we can never lose our deep connection with our Source despite how we might behave at times.

Rabbi Avraham Dovber of Avritch teaches that the same way that Judah accused Tamar of being immodest or unfaithful, G‑d accuses us of betraying our relationship with Him.7

But when we kindle the Chanukah lights three months after experiencing a heightened and intimate closeness with Him during the High Holidays, we point to our soul and cry out in protest, “The spark of Yourself that You left within us when You went into hiding three months ago is still there! We still believe in the potential for closeness between us and that we can rekindle it!”

The Flame Within

The Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson, of righteous memory, took this one step further. He taught that symbolically, we are each a candle yearning to be kindled.8 The candle’s wax is analogous to the body, while its wick symbolizes the soul. Neither fuel nor wick, body or soul, serve any positive function unless joined with the other, with the common purpose of creating a flame.

In truth, each of us has a small jug of oil buried deep within, still bearing the seal of the High Priest (more specifically, the seal of G‑d) that the Syrian-Greeks (or any oppressor) can never access.9 This is why, after re-entering the Holy Temple following the war with the Syrian-Greeks, the Jews insisted on searching for oils specifically bearing the seal of the High Priest,10 and did not begin producing new oil from the onset even though it was indeed permitted to do so.11

The Courage to Kindle Our Own Light

We can debate whether the miracle of Chanukah centered on the war between the clashing Jewish and Hellenistic values (and armies)12 or whether it focused on the small jug of oil burning exceedingly longer than expected.13

But perhaps the greatest miracle in this story is that during the darkest hour of the darkest month in the Jewish calendar, we have had the courage, year after year, to set that oil alight and brighten up the world around us.

When all seems dark and lost, when our enemies – both external and internal – attack our personal Temple and desecrate our Holy of Holies, Chanukah empowers us to stand up and dispel that darkness with light.

For no matter how bleak reality may seem, darkness cannot exist alongside light – even just the tiniest of flames. Each of us, without exception, has the strength buried within to ignite that spark.

We need to be the light we want to see in this world, igniting our own souls and inspiring others to kindle theirs, as well.

How many times do we have aspirations we keep dormant because we convince ourselves that we will ultimately fail? How many times do we give up on our dreams before even beginning to work toward them? We cannot pass up opportunities because we believe others will shine brighter or burn longer. We each bring a light for which the world has been waiting for so many years.

Now is our time to shine!

Adapted from Expanding Potential: Journeying Beyond Who We Think We Are , published by Mosaica Press.

[leilawhittaker]

Talk about jace and wade!!

THANK YOU MY ANGEL!!! <3 Putting under a cut

(CW for incest, sexual violence) 

OKAY so this is a little convoluted but Jace having a convoluted backstory and knowing like everyone in the multiverse is like a running gag for me so it works in context. 

This also all relies on the idea that comics!Jace and Deadpool have had this iconic odd friendship for decades, and XMCU Deadpool is aware of that. However, Jace doesn’t exist in the XMCU (or if she does, it’s in an extremely minor and unrecognizable way, like Emma Frost in Wolverine Origins.) 

So basically: in MM, there are actually seven infinity stones (seven stones for seven OG avengers.) The seventh stone is the life stone, also known as the bloodstone or blood gem by the hunting community and the Bloodstone family. It’s been in the possession of Jace’s biological father, Ulysses Bloodstone, for hundreds of years and is the source of his longevity (not true immortality; he got the stone in his twenties and in the span of 700 years with the stone, he’s only aged about 30 years, putting him biologically in his fifties when we meet him. The life stone CAN be used for immortality, but Ulysses isn’t as smart as he thinks he is and doesn’t know what an infinity stone even is.)

Quick primer on Jace’s backstory: her birth name is Jocelyn Camilla Bloodstone. Her mother was Alyssa Bloodstone. (I will be changing Alyssa’s name, this is her working title if you will.) Before Alyssa, Ulysses had two other children from a prior marriage, Elsa and Cullen. Ulysses treated them cruelly, especially Elsa, forcing them into dangerous situations to teach them to hunt monsters–imagine fanon!John Winchester dialed up to 100. 

(In the comics, there’s an incident where Elsa as a child killed a monster, but got its blood all over her head, and Ulysses refused to let her or her mother shave her head, instead making her keep it there to infect her scalp to punish her for her inadequacy. Elsa and Cullen’s mother Elise’s objection to the situation caused Ulysses to have her institutionalized. In the fic, though, he arranged for Elise to have an “accident” with some monsters, killing her. He quickly remarried to Jace’s mother, and they had her shortly thereafter.)

Jace’s mother, Alyssa, knew she didn’t want this treatment for her and when Jace was five, Alyssa arranged for Jace to be taken in by a local circus troupe, where she was raised by Clint and Barney Barton as their younger sister (alongside Wes, another abandoned kid who became family with them.)

When Jace was fourteen, her superpowers manifested. Her brothers didn’t handle it well–they weren’t mean, they just didn’t know what to do or how to handle it and she needed more guidance than they knew how to give. So Jace left to find her birth family in the hopes of finding answers. She did manage to find the Bloodstones, and Ulysses trained her to hunt for a few years. Jace had the skills that Cullen lacked, but like Cullen, she was too soft to meet Ulysses’ standards, unable to stomach his ruthless methods and philosophy about monsters. Ulysses would take out an entire pack of werewolves including babies without question; Jace didn’t have that in her. She cried after hunting a lot and tried to hide this from her father, but he knew. 

However, Ulysses was intrigued by the potential of Jace’s power, and wanted to replicate it with a child he could raise from a younger age to hopefully stamp out that “weakness.” Alyssa was long dead at this point, having met the same fate as Elsa’s mother after saving Jace by letting her go. So instead, with the help of his wife, Verussa, he tried to sexually assault Jace to have a child with her. 

Jace managed to escape but accidentally temporarily killed Ulysses in the process. (Temporarily because the Bloodstone would bring him to life.) Elsa was on one of her rare visits home at that point and helped Jace escape to Ireland, and Jace didn’t see any of her biological family for years after that. 

I’m still figuring out what triggers Jace going back to confront Ulysses–I think she’s found out through the grapevine that he’s doing something so awful that she can’t sit back and let it happen, and she goes to kill him for good. 

There’s a lot of overlap between the hunting community and the mercenary community, and that’s how she meets Wade Wilson. At least, she thinks that’s how. 

On Wade’s side–this is during his time travel adventure at the end of Deadpool 2. We know that time travel has to do with the multiverse so I won’t worry too much for now on how he gets into the MCU, just know that he does, and he comes specifically for Jace, specifically at this moment. (More on this soon.)

Jace is initially put off by him–he acts bizarrely familiar with her, as if they’ve met before, which bothers her more than the weird meta commentary–but she’s kind of glad to not be alone, so she accepts his offer to team up. (Unsure what excuse he gives for wanting to team up, maybe he pretends someone paid him to kill Ulysses. Jace is tempted to just let him, but she knows she has to be a part of taking him down, to make sure it sticks this time.)

So they go to Bloodstone Manor, and while Wade is in another part of the house, Jace confronts Ulysses and gets to a point where she scream/sobs “YOU RUINED MY LIFE, YOU RUINED ME” at him (potentially at his dead body at this point, it’s a very charged moment for her.) 

Later, Wade and Jace sit on the edge of the Brooklyn bridge, about to throw the Bloodstone into the water so no one can use it to bring Ulysses back. Wade brings up that he overheard what Jace had said to Ulysses. 

(“Speaking of that fuckwaffle–”

“That’s an insult to waffles.”

“Fucknugget?”

“Continue.”)

He tells her that she’s not ruined, and her life doesn’t have to be, either, and she genuinely takes it to heart. 

Despite that she still has very mixed feelings about it because…like she literally murdered her father with malice aforethought, I think killing him at first was an accident but throwing the stone into the ocean was very much an intentional attempt to make him stay dead. And I think anyone would have complicated feelings about that, even if he was a monster. So for years she kind of has this sense of shame and she thinks about what that weirdo w the red suit said a lot and it does bring her comfort. 

Flash forward to End Game. Jace actually isn't on the team to get the life stone. She’s with Rhodey and Nebula to get the power stone. Team New York is supposed to get the life stone from Ulysses while he happened to be there in 2012. 

However, things go wrong on their end–Jace’s information was incomplete. She didn’t know that while Ulysses was in New York in May 2012, he’d loaned the blood gem to Elsa, who wasn’t there. 

Meanwhile, things also go wrong–but also right–on Jace’s end, because while Nebula gets taken by Thanos, Jace gets taken by the Shi’ar. Specifically the Dragozera people that Adira (GOTG OC) was born into. 

The Dragozera people are the guardians of the dragon force, which I’ve told you about but I’ll go into again here. The dragon force in MM is the opposite of the phoenix force, and it’s based on the goblin force from a comics AU timeline. It’s basically hunger personified, it’s consumed entire galaxies before in an attempt to satiate itself. It’s not the kind of entity you can let wander around of its own accord, it NEEDS a host to keep it under control or else the entire universe could die. 

(I changed the name because goblin force really only makes sense in the context of Maddy Pryor, the host of it, being the goblin queen; because the dragon feels like a more natural opposite to the phoenix; and also because Jace is Jewish and there’s like, implications to think about.)

Anyway, the dragozera take her for two reasons:

One: They want the snap undone, too, and they know (via seer) that the time heist is going to fail if nobody intervenes and helps them get the life stone. 

Two: The dragon force, which has been asleep for millenia, has started to stir ever since Thanos’ snap. They know that undoing the snap will cause a second burst of cosmic energy that will wake up the dragon force completely, and they want to have a host ready for it to minimize casualties. They’ve sought out Jace specifically for…reasons, idk, I’ll figure it out.

Anyways. The Shi’ar Dragozera send her back in time to the first time she killed Ulysses by accident, the temporary one. They want to test her to see what she’ll do in that kind of emotionally charged moment, facing something like that. Jace finds the shame inside her transforms into rage, partly because she’s seeing how young she actually was at the time and is realizing that she was a literal child and it wasn’t her fault. She manages to stay in control and get the stone, though. 

While she’s there, she runs into Deadpool, who has once again popped in from multiversal shenanigans to hang out with her. When asked about his presence, he says “I couldn’t miss the biggest crossover event in movie history!”, turns directly to the camera, says “don’t get excited, this is just a cameo,” and then turns back to Jace and says “plus, I like seeing this guy get murdered.”

Jace is, once again, very perplexed by him but still happy to see him and to not be alone. 

Anyways, Jace returns with Rhodey and Nebula (secretly past!Nebula) with the life and power stones. End Game battle happens, they bring everyone back (snap), they destroy Thanos and his army (snap), and this begins the process of the dragon force’s awakening, which causes Jace to become its host in the aftermath of the blip. Deadpool 3 happens and Wade gets to hang out with Jace more. 

But the thing I wanna mention is why Wade has been continually showing up for Jace in these moments with her father. Wade is not the reason Jace killed Ulysses permanently. She was on that path anyway. And it wasn’t easy for her to do or live with. 

Wade can be flippant all he wants about how he just likes seeing rapists die or he just wanted to hang out with her, both of which are true, but I think ultimately, he saw the opportunity to be a part of this part of Jace’s life and he took it because he didn’t want her to be alone through it. 

[infantacidrefluxsolutions]

Infant Reflux and Maternal Mental Health

Although so much has been done to chip away at the stigma surrounding maternal mental health, especially in the last few years, I know first hand that it is incredibly difficult to admit to feeling anxious or depressed when you're meant to be soaking in the newborn period.

The CDC estimates that at least 1 in 8 women experiences symptoms of postpartum depression (PPD). The risk of developing PPD or PPA (postpartum anxiety) increases if you:

experience depression or anxiety before or while you were pregnant

have a pre-term birth

had multiple births

have a baby experiences health problems.

( I tick 3 out of 4 of those boxes- not great odds!)

Worryingly, despite evidence that having a baby with severe reflux disease can have signifiant impacts on maternal mental health, infant GERD (gastro-esophageal reflux disease) remains a condition that is understudied and often dismissed by both pediatricians and GIs, increasing the potential for negative outcomes for both babies and mothers.

GERD and Maternal Mental Health

In a 2014 study that looked at infant GERD and maternal-child interaction during feedings, findings suggested  ‘the behaviors of infants with GERD (e.g., frequent regurgitation and irritability) and resultant maternal feelings of frustration and anger have the potential to severely affect the mother-infant relationship.’

We knew that Sally had reflux before we ever brought her home from the hospital. Spitting up, countless parenting books reassured me, was normal. However it soon became clear that whatever was happening to our little girl, it was far from ‘normal.’

Sally didn’t just have reflux- she had GERD—reflux that is continuous and painful. My daughter's physical agony broke my heart and my spirit - highlighting the  psychological impact that having a child who is unwell can have on parents and carers.  

'You're Overreacting' 

I rushed Sally to the hospital more than once after terrifying incidents where she started choking, seemingly on nothing, and temporarily stopped breathing. There I was told ‘spitting up is normal, it’s important not to overreact’ when they noticed the state of panic I was in. 

I sat through countless appointments with her pediatrician and GI where they repeated ‘she’s gaining weight, she’s fine’ even as I tried to explain that her eating aversion had taken hold to the point of force feeding her in her sleep. To them, I was an overly anxious mother. And the thing was- I couldn’t disagree! I WAS overly anxious- how could I not be? My baby was unwell and no one was taking me seriously. 

As Sally’s symptoms worsened, so did my mental health. I began to dread feeding times, sometimes counting down the minutes until my husband arrived home from work so that I could assign the next bottle feed to him while I locked myself in the bathroom and cried. Our relationship suffered and I began to retreat more and more into myself, desperate to help my baby while also wishing I was anywhere else. 

A Misunderstood Disease

Despite the intense feelings of loneliness and isolation I felt, research suggests that my story is far from unique.  Maternal characteristics, including depression, anxiety, and insecurity, have all been shown to have associations with feeding problems in babies. Part of what made Sally’s reflux disease so difficult to deal with was the very real feeling that no one else, even the doctors who were meant to be helping her, understood what she was going through. She was severely congested, her breathing patterns were unpredictable and accompanied by visible chest retractions and she became more and more upset at feeding times as her aversion worsened. 

I wanted to scream when I mentioned our struggles to friends and family who asked ‘oh, my baby had reflux too, are you holding her upright after feeds?’ and ‘are you sure that you’re burping her well enough?’ But you know what? I could just about cope with that, because I knew their questions were well intentioned, and  how could I expect them to know how bad it really was? This was just another one of the isolating aspects of being a Mom to a baby with reflux disease--the feeling that no one could relate to what we were going through. 

What was even harder to accept was hearing the people who were responsible for her medical care insist ‘nothing more can be done, you just need to wait it out.’

How can you be expected to ‘wait out’ something that is having such a negative impact on all aspects of your baby’s life, and on your own?

Reflecting on Reflux 

It has been over three years since I first heard the word ‘reflux’ in relation to my daughter. In that time, we’ve been through hell and back. It took until she was nearly six months old to find a medical team who understood just how serious Sally’s reflux was and how to treat it effectively. I found a psychiatrist who specialized in maternal mental health and restarted an SSRI medication. 

 As symptoms disappeared - Sally's and mine- and she began to enjoy eating once again I felt the dark cloud that had been hanging over our family begin to lift. She started to thrive and I felt like I was finally able to get to know the wonderful small person I had helped create. 

I am privileged to be living in a time where maternal mental health is talked about openly and honestly, and yet I still find reflecting on these feelings incredibly difficult. Although Sally has been reflux and medication free for more than two years now, there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think about that time. 

So why a blog? 

Good question! I recently spent some time moderating the Infant Acid Reflux Solutions facebook group, which offers support for parents of babies with reflux. IARS is a telemedicine practice that specializes in infant reflux, and it was there I finally found help for my girl. Prior to that, I was a (mostly silent) member. I remember the strange sort of relief I felt the first time I scrolled through the posts in the group and realized that other parents and babies were going through the same things we were. I suppose it must be true that misery loves company? Just the knowledge that we weren't alone went such a long way in combatting some of the loneliness I felt.

During my time in the group, I soaked up whatever information I was able to find, learning as I went and helping when I could.  The experience highlighted the ways that reflux and feeding aversion can impact entire families. I lost track of how many times a Mom told me she’d changed her mind about having more children after going through this. I’ll never forget the couple who were on the verge of divorce because they disagreed about whether or not their baby needed medication. And to this day, even though Sally is now objectively a great eater (well, for a toddler) and growing and gaining well, I still find family meal times a source of anxiety and worry. 

My mental health was inextricably linked to Sally’s physical well being and as one worsened so did the other. I spent every second of her life with her and I could see that she was in real pain, but it felt like no one else could. The sad reality is that I know am not alone.  Feelings of anxiety, fear, resentment, guilt and shame are what I remember most about the newborn period and even though we are all much happier now,  I still have to live with the knowledge that the first six months of my daughter’s life were also the darkest of mine. 

The reality is that large swaths of the medical profession are still very much stuck in ‘the old days’ when it comes to infant reflux. The ‘they’ll outgrow it’ approach has long been used, but that doesn’t mean it’s right. It is my hope that through sharing my own experiences, information and insights, more families will have the confidence to challenge these outdated ways of thinking, advocate for their little ones, and start down the path to recovery.