#this was so fun tho omg i wanted to add more but i figured this is enough

[hinamie]

What’s your favorite feature to draw when drawing yuuji, megumi, and nobara? Like is it the eyes on one, hair for another, hands, etc~

omg i love this question i have the answers Ready i think abt this more than u wld expect

yuuji: his eyes !! i think they r such a fun shape i love how gege draws him so the top lashes r Flat but the bottom lashes have a V shape,, obv it depends on the angle but in general it's So fun to play with and i think it makes his expressions always look slightly cat-like :3

megumi: I LOVE THIS BOY'S HAIR I LOVE IT SO MUCHHHH tbh as soon as i nailed the way i like to draw his hair it's been like riding a bike ever since . I have the shapes so Down in my muscle memory that whenever i am sketching figures to get poses down if i want to visually identify which one is going to be megumi all i have to add are like 3 lines. it's so easy the shapes r so recognizable and when i go to render it the Dark against his skin.,,, i just. god i EAT i love my easy2draw son.

nobara: also her hair !!!!! it's like a weirdly specific Part of her hair tho fghfjhg i find that whenever i draw her i always make it so that her hair is in motion so that i can draw like. the back curve of her bob fr some reason the shape language scratches a very specific brain itch

thats th good shit :>

[onejellyfishplease]

Jelly, help, I’m already letting this au consume me LOL

K so translating my notes(cause my writing sucks) and then a breakdown of each doodle. This is just some ‘testing the waters’ doodles to see what ideas I like and what I don’t.

This isn’t actually finished yet, but I ended up loving the Sketchpage that I wanted to show, so here we are lol

“Lantern/light clan cult gang thing, tried to get Donnie to join by sending an oozesquito after him.”

So yeah, there’s a gang of moths that worship light and they wanted somebody smart in their ranks. They wanted Donnie to join because he was known all over the hidden city for his intelligence during the krang invasion. They uhh… They kinda kidnap him during a mission ig lol. He escapes but not before getting turned partially into a moth. They weren’t really as smart so they didn’t even think that maybe the mutation would only take partial transformation so uhhh mission failed-

“Tiny hairs as per many insects”

I liked your idea of the hairs that allow Donnie’s hands to stick to stuff, so it was kind of a no brainer to add that here too, since moths stick to stuff all the time.

“Common Crimson & Gold Moth (an attempt at keeping sorta purple colors)”

Yeah no, it’s more red and gold than anything but dang these things are pretty. Could be a nice design.

“Luna Moth (mostly here for the green, but an iconic moth too)”

Yeah, I wanted a nice green match for the wings as a potential option too, and I also figured when you think of moths, a lot of people think of Luna moths.

“White Ermine Moth (fluffy Dalmatian vibes)”

Kinda thrown in for the recognizable reason again, since a lot of people tend to think immediately of fluffy snowy white moths like white ermine moths or poodle moths.

I kinda like the first two a bit better tho, ngl.

“Eyes go black when pissed or scared?”

Yeah, so, I had an idea where his eyes would invert so his eyes were black with white pupils, but I kinda dropped that idea, but then I picked it up again and thought maybe his eyes look more moth-like when really stressed or enraged or smth?

“So meticulous but I love the detail ngl…”

“Mini moth man”

So yeah, I learned I liked the more meticulous antenna style. Also yeah, even if I don’t use it I’m totally making a Mothman version of him lol

“Smth like this ig??”

Me trying to figure out the wings and she’ll mix. I had the idea that the wings would sprout out from inside, sorta like your idea ngl, but I think it’d be less like… Under, and more through, so the wings would kind of be impossible to hide at that point.

“Donnie Day 1

‘Everything’s fine ✨’

‘W a t ?’”

“Donnie Day 5

‘isaideverythingsfine~’

‘Wat.’”

A stupid silly comic I made for an idea I had where Donnie starts out kinda like a moth caterpillar, looking and feeling normal, but the more days that go by the bigger his wings and antenna grow, becoming impossibly to hide, and he just can’t really pretend that he’s a full turtle anymore lol

Also definitely not motivated by me wanting to implement an idea about how apparently the reasons you get holes in your clothes is because caterpillars are eating through it (and not fully grown moths usually) so maybe he’d be hoodie biting excessively during that time lol

I have a few more snippets only written on Google docs right now but gosh I am loving this au, I totally see the fun of formation swapping Donnie now LOL

Eventually, all the important info will be on one sheet though (hopefully) and I’ll tag you then about it lol

OMG i actually love this so much!

i love how the transformation is a slow one.

And he eats his clothes as a nervous habit??? love it. glorius. amazing.

Also the eyes going black? that would be so creepy to see, it would definitely terrify villians. and his brothers (the first few times lol)

AND HES FLUFFY AHHHHH

[ackackh]

Hi happy talk shop Tuesday to my favorite writer!!💛 my question for u is what inspired the original characters in ur fics? Eddies family in our hemisphere & especially Sophia from the tulip- those characters are written soo beautifully and have stuck with me long after I’ve read them :’)

Also omg a new chapter of God is a Bluegill!!! how does it feel to be back writing it!

Lord not me crying in the club bc you called me favorite 😭💛

Ahah would you believe me if I told you I’ve been kicking around a different/updated version of Our Hemisphere for the past few months? No real promises and the original would absolutely stay as is—but I’ve changed so much as a writer and I have so many more ideas for those characters and I wanna write with them again!

-I’ve never been one to research The Real Guys when it comes to fic bc I’m working with a character and not a historical figure, and fandom at least seems to believe that Eddie has a million siblings so I wanted to hop on that train! My dad grew up as the second-youngest of 13 siblings and the absolutely wild shit they got up to? Incredible. And Eddie was so good at working with the guys in The Pacific I couldn’t help but picture him as the eldest, especially with my darling baby Ruthie, I literally love her so much, I just wanted to give Eddie someone he could pour all his love into and someone who would love him unconditionally. I’m the youngest sibling, I know all about idolizing older brothers.

-Joe, my other love, isn’t the villain of course, just someone with a lot of emotions he doesn’t know how to handle. He came out of the idea that there were lots of guys who 4F who became really depressed and sometimes took their own lives. Joe spent a lot of time resenting Eddie for having what he couldn’t. Then, even worse, he’s not even grateful for it, he comes home all fucked up over it and Joe didn’t even get to go! Add onto it that Eddie’s sleeping with a man and Joe just… can’t deal. He’s just sad, and he deserves better.

-fun fact, the Ruth in my newer version of Our Hemisphere does not immediately take to Eddie upon his return bc she literally doesn’t remember him. And now there’s this fuckin dude? Just in her house? Excuse me? She warms to him eventually tho, and then they’re inseparable

And omg Soph, my angel, my absolute shitster. When I wrote The Tulip I was friends with this girl who had a little sister who was like 3(?) at the time and she was sooo smart it was a riot. I based a lot of Sophia around that idea. She’s the kind of kid you love to death but who can’t stop getting in trouble because she’s so observant and has no tact (bc she’s in like, preschool). Lot’s of gray hairs for Walt. Ray only encourages her.

AHH THANK YOU FOR MENTIONING GIAB. I am like, beside myself with happiness that I’ve been able to continue it! And now that ch 3 is out it’s been way easier to continue into ch 4, which has like 2k words so far. I have so much story in my head here, like, it fucking goes places. Some shit fucking happens in later chapters and I can’t wait to show you!

[bluegekk0]

i wonder what is grimmchild's opinion to lewk

observe

ahahhaah omg not the grill drawing 😭

i have to clarify though, i mentioned it before but i'll explain it again. in my au, grimmchild and grimm are one and the same, grimmchild is simply an earlier "stage" in the growth of the physical body, that is grimm

to simplify it somehow: the nightmare king is the "base" form, grimm is the physical body for the nightmare king, that shares all of his thoughts, memories and personality. they're the same being, though their appearance differs as grimm is more "adapted" to walk among the mortals

how it essentially goes: the nightmare king basically creates the physical form according to his liking. that body is then transported to the physical realm, and to conserve the nightmare heart's energy, it's manifested in the form of the grimmchild, that then grows into grimm under the influence of nightmare essence (which is most commonly found in dying kingdoms, but can be harvested from nightmares if there is no other option)

this body has a limited lifespan, and begins to break down over time. grimm can consume blood to prolong it, but sooner or later he needs to perform the grimmchild ritual again, after which the "old" body is consumed by flame and replaced with a "new" one. as i mentioned, since all of the grimm bodies share the mind and memories of the nightmare king, he is essentially still the same person

as a little fun nod, i like to imagine that the nightmare king can alter the appearance of the physical body if there is a need. so, as an example, say that he wants that body to have more fluff. if he waits for the next ritual, he can make those alterations and give them to the next physical body. i got this idea after looking at grimm's previous designs, i figured that it would make perfect sense for nkg, a god, to have this much freedom over his physical body and actually make those changes within the universe

so tl;dr: nkg is basically playing the sims in the nightmare realm, creating his own physical body that could interact with the mortals. then he sends that body to their realm, and because energy is hard to come by in this economy, he saves it by making that body grow on its own harvested nightmare essence. so grimmchild "evolves" into grimm, and this repeats every time the body reaches its expiration date. an endless cycle of "death" and "rebirth", except it's more like a fucked up sims and pokemon crossover with a sprinkle of vampire aesthetic

and no, lewk and grimmchild would not interact, since grimm leaves for each ritual and comes back once the body is fully grown. makes it less awkward for everyone involved

the pic you sent gave me a laugh tho, so thank you for that hahah i hope my explanation is clear enough. grimm is already weird enough in canon, but of course i had to add my own spin that's probably even more strange and convoluted. can't have it any other way in this au hah

[falltothesun]

helloooo taking you up on that hook up advice offer !! especially since im also a trans guy & ive been considering grindr bcos i have been insanely needy the past week it's literally making it hard for me to function so yes!! please!!!!

Hi omg! So I definitely joined Grindr for the same reason, I needed to get dicked down so bad it was starting to affect my work lmfao. Huge disclaimer: this is all a bunch of stuff that works for me, from my experiences. There's no handbook, I'm figuring this out myself. If anyone wants to correct me/add on, please do.

First and foremost- don't settle. Grindr is a bit of a hellscape. In the moment it definitely seems like anyone willing to fulfill your needs is worth it. I'm speaking as a total sub/bottom so there were definitely guys on Grindr who 'spoke my language', offered what sounded like a good time, but didn't have my best interests at heart. You can't put much trust in any stranger on a hookup app, but here are some good indicators of things to watch out for and avoid:

- blank profiles/no pics. You're going to get a ton of them. Dick pics do not count. Make sure you have a good image of the person you're meeting. Make sure they're clean (both hygiene and std wise). Just- the more info you have on them, the better.

- being pushy. They're going to whine and whine about meeting up, and they are also going to say nasty things if you ignore them/turn them down. Do not let this guilt you. If this is how they receive boundaries over text- you can't trust them during a hookup. You don't owe anyone anything, not even a text back. A huge green flag is when you can have a no-pressure conversation, and sometimes even a pre-meetup to discuss boundaries and kinks.

Do not get stingy on your own boundaries! You are meant to enjoy this time, too. Tell them exactly what you want, your hard nos and hell yesses. Clear communication beforehand can lead to a fantastic night. Don't worry about blocking or turning down if you're getting bad vibes- there's literally dozens of guys waiting in your DMs, one of them has to be good.

Now, I have huge trust issues so bear with me here- you can't always count on your hookup, even if you found one that checks all the aforementioned boxes. So have some contingencies. Here are some of mine:

- two (or three) of my friends get a text as soon as I leave my house. Yes, it's awkward to mention to someone that you're about to fuck, but prior conversations have been had and usually I just say "I'm going out for x hours, call me if I don't get back to you by then". I send my location if possible (harder to do with carplay), and just like that, there are people waiting for my word. Hell, you can DM me your location and a timeframe and I will call the police in your area if I don't hear back from you.

- I never host. Is this controversial? I don't care. I'm a sub, bottom, afab, tiny human. I'm super susceptible to stalking and kidnapping (and not in the fun way), so I keep myself safe by making sure my hookups don't know where I live. I like to drive to their place, because then I have myself a getaway vehicle, or we meet in the middle somewhere. Regardless, my home is a secret and shall stay that way.

- don't bring anything valuable. Other than my phone and my wallet (which I sometimes just leave in my car), I bring nothing with me. This is less about personal safety and more about theft tho lol

-bring protection. Rawdogging is fun but STDs and pregnancy scares are not.

-this is Grindr specific but be careful with your photos. Grindr has a neat function called 'albums', and you can retract any sent albums at anytime so they can't be seen anymore. You also can't screenshot anything in the Grindr app. This protects you- to a point. But like anywhere else on the internet, be very, very careful with who you send your pics to.

Takes you by the shoulders. Listen to me. It is always okay to say no. You could be in someone's bed, naked, and you can say no. This sounds like common sense, but sometimes you're with a stranger in the moment and things aren't firing right in your brain, but your well-being is 100% a bigger priority than pleasing the guy you met on Grindr. They can bitch and moan all they want, but if you aren't feeling it, you aren't feeling it, and you don't owe sex to anyone. You can say no at any time. And anyone who fights you on it or disregards it is not someone you want to associate with.

Ok now that all the parental lecture-y stuff is out of the way- some general tips to show your hookup partner some respect! They're also in a place of vulnerability, so while it's good to be careful, it's also good to be gracious.

-protection. I said this already! But you can bring more than just a condom. Looking into PrEP, getting yourself tested(!!!!) after every encounter, and not having sex when you're sick is generally good etiquette. Getting tested is not only being a decent human for your hookup partner, but it's important to do for yourself as well. Idk what country you live in and what the healthcare is like so hopefully it's as easy as walking in to a clinic like it is here. Post-sec institutes (colleges/universities) usually have fantastic sexual health programs as well so I'd check there if you're in that demographic!

- clean up. Please. Shower, brush your teeth, put on some deodorant and a clean change of clothes. It goes a long way! My best hookups have been with a guy who smelled good, and I enjoyed it as much as I did the actual pounding in his backseat. Also clean up after the hookup! Shower, pee, etc. Hygiene. (I'm a germaphobe ok)

- boundaries! You've set yours, now stick to theirs. I've slept with guys who really didn't like blowjobs- so I didn't give any, we kept it junk to junk. I might've been the sub in the situation, but that doesn't mean the guy dominating was a sex machine who liked everything, so I accommodated that! Sometimes it's as simple as listening to the sounds they're making, reading the body language, and acting accordingly. If they aren't being enthusiastic about what's happening, then maybe it's time to check in.

- text back. Hey man, if it was a good fuck, it was a good fuck. NSA is usually my style, but there's nothing wrong with hooking up again with the same mf if it was a damn good time. Give 'em some feedback, tell them you had a fantastic night, ask about doing it again. Everyone needs the confidence boost.

Goddamn this got long. I hope some of this helps, I hope I didn't miss anything, and I hope I didn't say something that sounds completely fucking bananas. Good luck and hope you have some good, safe hookups!!

[lovely13me]

New Bot Series(?) Neon White!

¡N3W B0T$! ➡ ~《Neon White��~ + ~《Neon Yellow》~ + ~《Neon Green》~

So I live under a rock and am too busy being poor and struggling so it took me WAY too long to learn about this series >_<

It only just came to Xbox so that's part of the reason it took so long for me to learn about it, but it stood out immediately on the Game Pass so I got that baby quick.

Starting out I was a bit confused due to the controls but it wasn't too hard and my ADHD brain immediately took to the bright colors and fast paced platforming and action based game play. The puzzle part still stumps me sometimes but it's still crazy fun.

Having Machine Girl as the composer was a super based decision and adds to the coolness of the vibes. The fast paced music helps my brain get into the actual game better too. The geometric design of things and music give me huge ENA vibes which is awesome cause I luv her (she just like me fr fr)

Right away I liked White (emo, droopy eyes, sarcastic, simp, snatched waist, ect) his personality, dialogue, and design is just really fun and I love the overall aesthetic the game went for. The interactions between characters is fun two which is why Yellow is my second favorite.

Bro is unintentionally so funny to me I literally laugh every time he's on screen. Plus he's a good opposite to the more dark characters and his lackadaisical views on the world around him make him an entertaining character to interact with.

I love Neon Red omg she's so pretty but I haven't come up with a scenario yet for her, plus I'd like to play the game some more to understand her character.

Violet has an awesome design and the contradictory nature of her personality is fun, but her companion levels are so hard I almost gave up. I like how her special gift is just a tattletail toy, awesome call back to an awesome game. Same with Red tho I gotta figure out a story for her.

I'm still new to the game so there's lots to discover but so far I've learned enough about White to have made a decent bot. Yellow was easy since he's stupid and he gave me the most inspiration. I only just made Neon Green and that's cause some guy in the comments begged on his hands and knees plus I wanted to edit more before I pass out (up all night with migraine >_0)

Overall great game, great game play, great characters, love the dialogue and design just chefs kiss to it all.

[ahgasegotarmy116]

OMG! Thank you so much for making that little Drabble! I love that story you are such a great writer but damn I hate Jungkook in that story line. He’s just such a cold/selfish guy who is incapable of love. I enjoyed reading all the asks and drabbles for that story the other day! Thanks for putting them on your master list so I can binge read them when I feel like it 😂 I noticed that you answer questions sometimes in the actual characters perspective…am I able to ask for one of those whenever or do you only do that as a special event type thing? I just don’t want to ask for something you don’t have time for or feel like doing! ♥️

Hey girly!

No worries haha I'm glad you enjoyed it! I like that story too so I try to add bonus chapters every once in a while but I always answer asks as quickly as I can!

Thank you for saying that 🥺 I always try to put out quality content so I'm so happy you feel that way 💜

Difh Jungkook is a horrible person I swear. I always feel so bad whenever I think about or write about oc in this story but then again I love angst so 🥲

All of the ways that I answer asks (me answering, drabbles, characters answering) are open for all of my stories so feel free to ask me/them anything you'd like!

(Just wanted to make that part stand out a bit so people would notice haha)

The only thing you need to do to clue me in that you want to ask a character directly is something along the lines of "I have a questions for (Blank character) in (Blank story)"

If the question though is one that I think would be best explained through a drabble then I tend to choose to go along with something like that instead. I'll do it from that specific character's pov tho!

I love answering asks so send as many as you like! It makes me happy to see that people are interested in knowing more about my stories!

I figured it might be fun to add them to my masterlist since I've written so many so I'm glad you enjoyed reading them 🥰

[xnchxntmxnt]

Hello there!

This is less of a request and more of a brainrot ask (feel free to write about it tho, would be fun to see 👁👁) because I’ve been lurking in the shadows and I think you’re super cool and wanted to talk to you

In short, what do you think would happen if the karasuno volleyball team (faculty included) got isekai’d into teyvat?

For example, they’re in the bus, ready to go to a training camp. Everyone except the driver falls asleep and the driver makes a turn into a grass-land, expecting to be there in a few minutes.

But they don’t

After the panic settles down everyone gets off the bus and they’re for example, in winerise. How would they continue?

(Ps. I’m kind of losing fume and I’m getting sleepy so feel free to add you own thoughts!!!)

omg so i was going to react to this forever ago bc I loved the idea but then I was like. i need to have more brain cells to respond to this to accurately explain my thoughts. and then I forgot.

ANYWAYS im here now <3

i dont work with isekai aus often because i didn't really. know what they were for a while but I figured it out alright. i don't know why I don't google it but its a pride thing at this point

i think they should get thrown into the world, visionless and defenseless. let's say they get thrown into mondstadt just cause that's my fav region. they end up in windrise and right next to that hillychurl camp to the right of the tree and tanaka wants to go fight the mitachurl but gets held back by the collar by ennoshita okay he's not stupid enough to let him go

theyre just standing there, figuring out where the hell they are

honestly. i think they end up running into a knight or adventurer (also confused as to what they're wearing) and escorts them to the city

unpopular opinon: NOTHING happens

i dont mean nothing at all but like. them being there doesn't break the entire world as it is its just. mundane but in such a FUN way

i dont think anyone in particular ends up with a vision but I think suga and takeda would be very interested in learning how it works. daichi or asahi has to stay with the 2nd years at all times to make sure noya or tanaka aren't harassing jean (she deals with enough shit actually). both pass out when lisa low key flirts w them (shes just messing with them tho its not anything crazy)

ukai? good buds with diluc and charles and the angel's share after a while. hinata LOVES timmie and is a tcg GOD. befriends diona doing that

yachi and kiyoko spend a lot of time in the knights library with lisa chatting and eventually join the adventurers guild part time and go take some commissions once in a while together. sometimes takeda tags along to make sure they're safe (he doesn't do much)

tsukki and yamaguchi also become tcg gods and end up meeting a few people through that, and really want to explore around some of the other nations, so they make a field trip and go south to liyue. chaos ensues there and hinata falls in love w beidou (not in a romantic way just in an appreciation way) and is excited about becoming a pirate

i have so many thoughts. there's so many and I think their relationships with each of the characters would be so FUN. everyone knows them as the weird squad of guys that isn't really from anywhere but everyone appreciates anyway

[fellow-fandom-fruitifier]

Separate post 4 Watch My Back AU

Ok so I alr explained that, through a series of traumatic events, Macaque & Wukong r v co-dependent & have rlly bad separation anxiety. But I didn’t rlly explain said series of unfortunate events. (I’m viewing them as dominos bcz it makes sense 2 my ADHD Brian, so I’m gonna b calling them dominos.)

The 1st domino was actually meeting each other bcz they’ve never met another celestial monkey b4. (The other 2 lived their mortals lives & died way b4 either of them were “born”.) Wukong was instantly excited, wanting 2 know everything abt Macaque bcz “omg he’s like me but white and quiet”. Macaque was not so excited however, v used 2 ppl hunting 4 his fur coat or legendary past through future hearing. (I also have a headcanon that 6EM was born in a v small egg shaped hurricane, he was in the eye of it, & it scared off all the wildlife so he was “born” alone.) So SWK had 2 work 2 gain 6EM trust & shit, furthering their bond n stuff. Eventually 6EM agreed 2 stay

The 2nd domino was the 1st and only time some1 managed 2 actually kidnap Macaque. (6EM still left FFM occasionally tho, he may like it there but he wasn’t willing 2 give up all his freedom, never left 4 more than like 3 days tho.) 6EM may not b as strong as Wukong but he is faster and more agile, much trickier 2. So not only do u have 2 get through SWK first but you actually have 2 catch 6EM, good luck chucklefuck. I don’t know nearly enough abt the 2009 cartoon or the actual JTTW books, but I have heard abt the demon king of confusion, so until I know more I’m gonna say he was the mf who actually kidnapped 6EM. SWK got 6EM back, ofc, but this was the 1st time either had been away 4 that long since knowing each other, also the first time forcefully separated. 6EM decided he didn’t want 2 leave FFM anymore

The 3rd domino was SWK being the impulsive idiot he is, consuming like every form of immortality ever, getting dragged to Diyu and back, war ig, & being trapped under the mountain. (I should probably say that SWK learned his sick moves w/ the monks & shit b4 he met Macaque.) Obv that’s a lot 2 process, I mean, wtf? Bro literally visited all 3 realms in, like, 1 day💀. 6EM tried to save him from being literally snatched by the diamond snare but he also had 2 protect the innocent monkeys, priorities. 6EM does eventually find the mountain but he can’t remove the seal (only a certain monk can do that🙄) so he visits as often as he can, updating SWK on his subjects & shit.

4th domino, Tripitaka (and LBD & Erlang). I gotta add this conflict somewhere, like cmon, it’s iconic. 6EM sees the circlet in action, gets upset & threatens 2 throttle the monk (may b even tries) SWK stops him, insert argument. They, like the stupid stubborn idiot dumb dumbs they r, “split up” & refuse 2 talk 2 the other. Insert LBD & Erlang (Erlang gave 6EM his eye scar, 6EM also can’t die bcz his name was scribbled out during SWK’s fun adventures in hell. So when he ran in2 the fire 2 save any1 he could, he didn’t die, he was just in excruciating pain, the fire stained his fur black.), SWK & 6EM suddenly only feel safe enough when the other is there watching their back. (Clones of both the SWK & 6EM variety r watching over FFM now. Why didn’t they think of that b4? They didn’t rlly have a reason 2, and they’re only smart when they want 2 b)

5th and final domino was SWK finally, finally, coming back 2 FFM, now that they’re finally back 2 normal they’re never leaving the others side, never ever again. (Too bad Wukongs an impulsive idiot w/ 0 self preservation & a general direction 4 a certain map, also too bad LBD rlly wants a 6-eared prophet 2 read her desired destiny 2 her.)

I’ll update this when I remember more💀 (I also have literally no idea on how 2 add the brotherhood😭, I’ll figure it out)

[spiteless-xo]

Hiiiii, Tiff. I'm new here on your Tumblr and I don't have an ao3 account so this is my first time commenting, even though I've been following tbaw since april (?) I think. Anyways, I got my Tumblr account back just to follow you haha.

Giiiiiirl were do I start. So first of all tbaw is the only story I religiously follow and never forget about and every fucking tuesday is like Christmas to me istg. Even back in june-july when I was busy with my uni thesis and was slowly dying lol I kept reading every chapter and it was such a joy to be able to relax and take a break and escape in the fantasy. And now check the new chapters at work. Guilty 😅

Also, apparently you also wrote that Eren camping smut fic, omfggggg it's so good, easily one of my top fave Eren oneshots.

The way you write dialogues??? Fucking amazing. The interaction between the characters... I literally get lost in that reality and feel every single one of the characters. They are so humane. The tension, the attraction, the love, the hatred, everything feels so real when your characters interact. It's astonishing.

Now, I was team Eren from the start (yes, I am an Eren girl lol), I wasn't opposed to Jean, he is my second favorite from aot, but! Eren was so fucking charming in this fic, I just couldn't get into Jean I'm sorry. He gives mixed signals and we don't approve those in my house fiehdhdj. But Eren was perfect in every fucking way, which was suspicious and now we know the truth sadly.

I can't believe that after the big reveal so many people were shitting on Eren and they switched sides lololol. Like it was kinda obvious tbh. Well not obvious, but expected.

Idc what other people think, but I do believe Eren wants to change and will do that.

Now! As for the reader. Ofc she can't forgive him that easily, I wouldn't. And I do believe they both should work on themselves first and then they could develop a healthy relationship. It would only feel fair for the reader to see Eren really change. And I still want him to be endgame.

Honestly I'm just biased cause I love him lmao, he looks like my bf 💀 objectively, reader should seek her own path, Jean and Eren should figure their shit and forgive each other and be friends again. And then we can see a healthy relationship develop with one of them and a strong friendship with the other. I just see Eren as the best fit because they have really good chemistry. Idk tho, I said I'm biased. He was so cute in the last chapter with the date I was cryiiinnnggggg. 😭 Literally a cute lil cinnamon roll djdkdhekd

Well these are my thoughts I guess?? I'm sorry this is so long but tbaw gets me so excited I really love that and I wanted to give you some appreciation. 💕

omg, hello!! 🥰💗

i can't believe you've been following along since April!!! ahhhh!!! i think i've said this before but it's so crazy to me that some of you have been following along for so long 🥺 ty for your commitment i love it 💗

thank you so much!! i put a lot of importance in the dialogue because it can say a lot more than just what the characters are saying.... if that makes sense lol like what they choose to reveal vs. what they keep to themselves adds an extra element to dialogue aside from the actual words they're saying idk idk but i'm glad you like my dialogue 😭😭

i think some people, like reader, are quite taken aback by the reality of what eren's done. it's easy to forgive him when you're only told vague details and you see him act cute, but seeing this "darker" side of him come out (even though characters have been warning us about this almost the entire story) is really jarring and it affects some people more than others.

damn, you're lucky to have an eren all to yourself!! hopefully he doesn't treat you like groupchat!eren 💀💀

thank you again so much for such a lovely message and i'm so so so happy that you're enjoying the story!! thank you for sharing your thoughts and i hope you continue to enjoy it and have fun with the rest of us as the story progresses 🥰 only 10 weeks to go!

[myahdobilicious]

my sab predictions literally from the soundtrack

lmk if anyone has any ideas and ill add them some of these i have no clue

on the run- mal and alina obv

market chase- this HAS to be that scene from the trailer with the crows also it sounds so fun

tolya and tamar- a bit self-explanitory

wylan- the official clip we got of him

come sail away- nicolai? my b sturmound

brother- kaz flashback in the water we saw AHHHHH NO

arriving at the island- this could be the crows or the sab squad the crows wouldnt make as much sense tho

crows ambushed- i feel like this is pekka theres like this dark turn in the middle of the track like someones shown up

return of the useless grunt- this one confuses me i dont think its matthias like people are saying because matthias fights is after idk

im here for the killers- darkling fight vibes

matthias fights- hellgate, pretty simple

the night we met- someone said this is kanej flashback/dream sequence (see what amita said about how we'll get to see them do something they'll never get to do) and I soooo agree it sounds so them (OR nina and matthias is also possible)

become the blade- mal/malina babe and his awful tatoo

jespers past- SO SAD ITS GOING TO KILL ME

hope is dangerous- this is what kaz says to inej while she’s looking for her parents names on the wall in season one 👀

shu han- ok so this can go one of two ways, one: inej and zoya in the desert/jurda parem OR something else i just dont know if theyre going to do that plotline

the disciple- tolya/tamar/the apparat

i cant lose you- malina malian babe

deserve her- darkling vibes

chased- the one scene where everyone is in front of the chapel and jes is protecting wylan

battle at the moat- more of the same ^ ???

stronger than an emerald- someone said the lantsov emerald but its a really dark track so im thinking pekka rollins (the emerald prince)

we can do this- ???

final goodbye- maybe i dont want to know. if theyre doing sas + rar itll be alina dipping or even if they arent its the sab squad and crows separating. i hope. im scared of this one.

let me be your monster- make me your villain

loss and sacrifice- ???

hope for the future- YALL I FIGURED IT THIS PLAYS DURING THE DARKLINA MAKEOUT SESH IN SEASON ONE OMG it sounds a lot darker tho um a lot less hopeful

HOW WILL YOU HAVE ME- ISTG THIS ONE WILL DESTROY ME FREDDY AND AMITA BASICALLY CONFIRMED THIS SCENE UHHHHHHHJHHHDBSADIHAVBC

rise and fall- ruin and rising??? malina for sure

[tonberry-yoda]

Well hello there! Glad to see that you're request are open again!

I'm 🇪🇸Anon and I came here to request another platonic match up! This time with Helluva Boss, please ^^

The info I gave you would still be the same except for the characters I don't want to be matched up with, 'cause this time it can be with anyone that cames to your mind!

(I leave you here the information that I put on my other match up so you don't have to search for it :3)

Hello! I'd like a platonic matchup for Hazbin Hotel! (something like a mother/father/guardian figure)

I'm a 13-year-old cis-girl, and I use she/her pronuns!

Idk if I have to put this since it's a platonic matchuo but I'm Pansexual (and very proud of it, like- you can see me wearing pins and/or accesories with the pansexual pride flag). I want her/him/they to be respectful with me and my boundaries, to not make fun (in a bad inentioned way) of my likes or hobbies and to be willing to spend time with me in some little moments of the daily life. I'm a very physical person and I express my (platonic) love through hugs and I'm practically going to cling onto the person you pair me with almost every time I'm with her/him/them. BUT if they don't like/aren't comfortable with physical contact I'm going to respect that and only hug them ocassionaly or when I'm feeling/they're feeling bad and instead

express my (platonic) love through gift giving ^^

I'm a huge fan of the KidCore clothing style and I'm always wearing something making alusion to how the 90's and/or 2000's kids were dressed. I'm a very kind person and I'm usually smiling all the time, I tend to laugh at almost everything that is funny and I tend to snort or wheeze when I do laugh, other thing that happens is that my knees give out and I tend to end lying of the floor when I laugh of something I find very funny. I care very much about others (even more if they're my friends) but not to the point of being obsesive or intrusive, I always give everyone their personal space, and I tend to do everything that's in my hand to make them laugh or smile.

I also have this broken/or Gen-Z humor that bases on su1cid4l or self depricating jokes.

I use that as a coping mechanism for when I'm feeling bad or just having a rough day.

My music taste is very variated but what domines in my spotify playlist are Indie Pop or normal Pop, artists like "Melanie Martinez" and/or "Mitski" and 80's-90's Spanish rock bands (La Frontera, Tequila, Los Ronaldos, Andrés Calamaro, Siniestro Total and Seguridad Social).

(This is a thing I forgot to add to the other matchup lol) I have hella fast reflex, like, I've never been hit by a ball or any other kind of object either because I dodged it or because I catched it lmao. That rule also aplies to the people around me, because I react very fast and I yell at them to "Watch out" anyways If they're too slow I tend to push them out of the way without me getting in their last position (to not be hit by the object in question) or to tug their arm so I get them out of the trajectory of the object.

Could you add a mini fic of the character you choose and me having like a (platonic) cuddle sesion and then me falling asleep on them? Or If you like this idea best, them finding out for their first time about the thing of my knees gaving out and me ending lying to the floor while I laugh. (or both if you feel like it, but no preassure tho-)

-Love, from 🇪🇸Anon

omg hello my lovely 🇪🇸 anon!!!! i love these little platonic matchups because they are so cute omg. and I actually have a surprise for you for this one 🇪🇸 anon!!

the character(s) I chose for you are...

MILLIE AND MOXXIE!!!

they would literally be there for all the time

they will always be respectful of you and your boundaries and never make fun of things you like

they are wholesome and kind, so they will always always always be nothing but kind to you

and 100% protect you from blitz lmaoooo

they love hugs!!! please give them both hugs because they will smile the whole time <333

if you give them gifts, they will be super cheesy about it and go get you something so you can all open gifts together!

they think you are the sweetest kindest young girl they have ever met

if you get laughing, they will also start laughing and then it's a never ending laughter party

millie will laugh at your self deprecating jokes and moxxie will quickly be like NO NO NO NO NO!!!

if you're having a rough day, go to them and they will help in any way that they can

expect lots of hugs and a nice convo

they are AMAZED by those reflexes frrrr

baffled even lmaooo

they care about you a lot and would do anything for you

and per your request, here is a fic :)

MINI FIC

"C'mere honey," Millie pulled you into her arms, holding you close. "I'm sorry you had a rough day."

"It's okay," you said, your voice muffled in Millie's thick hair. "Thanks for the hug." You nuzzled onto her and Moxxie walked in the room with hot cocoa for everyone.

"Sorry about the rough day, kiddo." Moxxie gave you a couple pats on the head and sat down on the couch next to you and his wife.

"You guys are the best." You sniffled, tears now dry. You already felt ten times better.

"You're the best, y/n." Millie reassured you, rubbing your shoulder before letting you rest on her.

"I'm tired." You yawned, stretching and taking a long sip of cocoa.

"Go to sleep then, love." Millie laid down, letting you rest your head on her as Moxxie curled up in her arms.

You all fell asleep soundly with smiles on your faces.

~~~~~

matchup rules --- pinned post

@tonberry-yoda

[starsdailyjournal]

Journaling for my mental health as an epic scene girl (not clickbait) Day 1!

Today (sunday) I woke up at like 12:44 am or pm idkkkk but it was when the sun was up and like my dad had asked me to call him and since I have like ptsd I tweaked out but I brushed my teeth first because like I'm trying to get myself into the routine of doing that now. Anyway I called him and he just wanted me to like make my sister breakfast and put the food we made in the fridge but like he rlly freaked me out by just texting me "Call me when you wake up.". And he said he was getting us pizza which is now one of my least favorite things to hear from him (because of the c-a-l-o-r-i-e-s and because I'm really bad at expressing grattitude to him since we are sorta close (he is my bio dad I've known him all my life its complicated). But anyway I made my lil sister (10 yr old nerd) an awesome omelet with mozerela and sausage slices AND a cheese crust idk how to explain it basically I put cheese in a pan after I made the omelet and when it was still melty and not hard I put the omelet I already made on it and the I folded the whole thing when the cheese was cooked!! I bet it was yummy idk tho but anyway after that I scammed someone on adopt me (l-o-l) for like an fr panda, r sloth and nfr or nr hydra they got 20k rh diamonds tho soooo yk its fine!!! I was gonna scam sum more but like I got stuck trying to figure out how to use razer cortex (because royale high is so laggy on this dumb laptop) and I was stuck on that for hours legit untile dinner!! but while I was stuck on that my dad came home and gave me some chocolate which was nice but it also sucked because I CANT express grattitude its rlly hard for me bc I'm too grateful that I feel like if I tried to put into words the gratuity I feel I would spaz. BUT anyway I haven't eaten the chcolate yet (also its dark chocolate and if u dont fw dark chcolate ur ai generated) but I did eat 2 slices of this rlly oily garlic pizza for dinner just now! it was gross and I lowk cant stand that it's in my system (iykyk) but I can't do nun abt it BUT I am starting my fast rn and it should last this whole week!! So that'll make up for this but erm IDK ahhahahaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't like talking abt eating but this is an honest journal... Should I add TWs?? Bc I rlly dont wanna I be sleepy at night which is when I'll be typing these out. Omgeee also like I've wanted to go back to being quarantine level chronically online 4ever now bc I love doing that in the summer but my dad has parental controls on all my stuff (including this laptop) so I cant go on disboard n stuff to find online friends to give me entertainment n stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!! but I FOUND A WAY YALL!! I'm just gonna be ROBLOX chronically online tho I am a robloxian already (since 2018) I want to be one of those ppl who are always on it yk (thats why I was scamming today n trynna unlag royale high) SOOO when I'm not studying I'm gonna be scamming and trading in royale high and adopt me!!! Maybe I'll try n make sum friends but rn I'm focused on the games I'm already planning on getting my dp from starpets n I have a decent halo + ltbs on rh n all my dream stuff besides 1 set n 2 accesories!! so like I'm prettyyy good but I wanna get REALLY good like those ppl who have 5 owls and 8 parrots lolz! And I literally love roblox and everyone who plays it (besides anyone with brainrot humor ironic or unironic idc) everyone else are so cool!!! So like yea and I have 30 dollars that I'm prob gonna use on robux I might try n get headless bc my mom pays me to do computer science courses and my dad pays me half of whatever my mom pays me!! Honestly I feel like journaling is sm fun rn i love talking but nobody ever listens screaming into the cyber void is so fun!!! Also I'm gonna likeeeee eat my chocolate after I shower rn probs and then my fast starts!!! ALSO omg halloween is coming up!! I'm def gonna be a vampire! If anyone enjoyed my journal tell me what your gonna be for halloween!! Omg if my journal/blog gets big I would call the ppl who read it bats!! that would be sosososo cooool ANYWAY FOLLOW ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

[asoulofatlantis]

Luca is greeting you with this amazing scene, just to make you want to go and kill those reporter guys who badmouthed the Besaid Aurochs - I get that they never won a game, but this is still no reason to be so mean to them.

Its fun that no one in Spira ever questioned Mikas age. Even if he started very young, 50 years is a long time to do something like that and one should question how he even managed to survive this long in a world were Sin is constantly killing people. But honestly? When Tidus made that comment, back in the day when I played the game for the first time, I didn’t really think much about it either.

You better get used to this man, because we will see him A LOT more then we would like too in the future. Trust me, at some point its getting ridiculously old ^^’

The scene were he stared at Yuna like this was creepy. But one could hardly figure out back then what it meant. It is interesting tho that Tidus noticed it. The slow but steady buildup for the wedding was really nicely done.

The one time I actually came close to winning, was the one time I actually read all that garbage and played close attention to the rules and all. However, I have long given up on this bullshit ^^’

Why did no one ever wonder that this was the freaking first time in ten fucking years that he has been seen in Spira ever since defeating Sin? People are just like some fangirls screaming: “OMG! ITS SIR AURON! HIGH SUMMONER LORD BRASKAS GUARDIAN! KYAAA! ♥” or so and just be happy about it. Not wondering, no asking questions. I don’t get it.

What I also don’t get is... why Yuna assumed that Tidus knew who Auron was. She explained shortly after that Sir Auron was her fathers guardian too, but when she came rushing into the teams locker-room, she was like: “Someone saw Sir Auron in a Café” and didn’t even question it, when Tidus asked “Auron” like he knew who she talked about.

This seems like such in unimportant, cute, yet silly scene, but it will hold a lot of meaning throughout this game and the sequel. I never forget when Yuna accidentally landet in the fareplan in X-2 and Tidus whistling guided her back up. I thought I was going to burst into tears. I knew the infamous “Hahaha” - scenes is more iconic for many, but this scene is the one that hold true meaning to Tidus and Yuna as a ship.

It makes you wonder how it comes that Kimari looks considerably smaller, even tho he is obviously “pure” and not a halfbreed or something. Guess its like with us people tho, genes are just do what they want with us and we have to live with it, like it or not.

I did “like” it however, that the game was always realistic about stuff like that. If you are different in any way, shape or form, you are never well liked or accepted, people like me who got bullied through a large part of their life can sing a song about this. And what most of us also can agree with, is that IF people like us find a place among people, then we are a odd one among other odd people. Tidus and Kimari are no different here. I mean, look at Yuna and her Guardians. She is basically still a child, Wakka is a naive looser, Lulu is... well... Lulu, if you get me. Tidus comes from a “different world” and Kimari doesn’t fit into the standards of his own race. In their very own way, they are all odd and outsiders, even tho most of them try to fit in very badly. If you add Auron and Rikku to that mix, you have a hand full of odd outsiders who doesn’t really fit in anywhere. Which, once again, makes it really realistic.

Yuna would have been kidnapped by them either way. Kind of mean of them to use her as a hostage for the game on top of that.

I couldn’t help but feel like there was a dirty meaning behind this sentence, especially after Tidus said “Ouch” like that XD But of course that would be indicating that Lulu and Wakka had some sort of intimate relationship at some point and I guess we should safely assume that we are not there yet. (Not that they wasted any time after they were there XD) Although I always felt like Wakka was in love with Lulu from the start but left her to Chappu because that is how things went. And after Chappu was gone... he was likely a bit lost on how to deal with that situation. But that is just me overthinking shipping stuff as per usual.

A game lasts roughly 10 minutes. There are at least 5 teams participating and almost right after the Aurochs won their first game they have to fight another one? I get that this is like a “one day” - tournament, but isn’t that a bit unfair to the exhausted players? Shouldn’t that have been like the first match for everyone, like the opening match and then everyone else should fight until the final and... it doesn’t even make sense like that ^^’ Although, maybe this is like an hour afterwards and Wakka is just still out... Lulu said he wouldn’t last after all XD

She has not been talking well about him... but you could see in this scene that in fact, she had been worried about him and that she was also proud of him and that cuddling him didn’t feel bad to her at all. It was a fine happy shipping-moments, although those two still have a long way to go.

I mean, it was complicated with them, for obvious reasons. My theory about Wakka always having feelings for Lulu aside, she loved his little brother and said brother died... in a sense, he even died for her, because he wanted to protect her. It suirely isn’t easy to find it in yourself to confess your feelings to your brothers “widow”, especially knowing how Wakka is nothing like Chappu and that he basically takes the woman his brother loved. Also, for Lulu, falling for the big brother might have been rather confusing, given how they are so very different and it also begs the question why she only fell in love with Wakka after Chappus death. Plus, Lulu is stubborn and Wakka is stupid, so confessing - all complicated issues aside - is its very own problem already for those two ^^’

[etherealising]

💔older sister thingsss

nat was just like “hmm carmy is looking a little more sad kicked puppy than usual”

poor guys going THROUGH it

nothing a bit of concealer can’t fix!

this!! it kills me like bro really has this pendant and it’s like what keeps him going?? like i find it kinda cute tho (like give me a man who wears my initial 🙄😐🥲)

this was such a last minute add. but that pendant is def carmy’s security blanket! it’s utterly adorable, but also so sad because he could have the real deal if he just got his shit together 😭😭 (I can conquer though i too need a lover to wear my initial 🫣)

surpiseeeee shawtyyyyy

should’ve been in the script honestly lol

these children i swear

nat is just out here getting all the experience she needs for raising children

i can picture them already LMAO

Richie is eating every bit of this situation up!

😭

def one of my favorite lines i’ve ever given richie

richie #1 baby defender !!

he, pete, and nat are really laying the groundwork for these two losers.

AWWW PETEEEE

i just know he was so happy when nat gave him the news!!!

stop he loves her so muchhhh!!!

pete loves his wife and just wants it to be everyone’s business!

they’re sisters no matter what 🥹🤍 i’m really glad baby has someone like nat (and pete) but i also feel like sugar needed someone like baby since she grew up with just mikey and carmy + richie was probably one of those friends that was always at their house.

definitely I really love that I decided to take this relationship in that direction! but oh yeah baby was as much carmy’s best friend as she was nat’s (especially when puberty hit 🤣🤣)

he’s so needed in that family like he’s adds in a little fun and positivity

pete is the perfect balance for the berzattos they can all act like they tolerate him but I feel like deep down they have a soft spot for him because he’s so different from what they knew growing up!

🤭🤭

those two definitely gossiped about it over dinner

😂😭

this was so outta pocket for pete to say so happily, like sir do not allow this munchkin to diss you like this!

WELL SAID PETE 😭 WIFEY NEEDS A BREAK!!!!

• pete was like respectfully, figure your shit out lol

😭😭 he’s so real

cortez is carmy’s #1 hater! if carmy has one hater in the world it is cortez! if carmy has no haters in this world it is because cortez is dead!😭

i like this guy LMAO

i love cortez with my whole heart, he’s my favorite oc I’ve ever made (sowwy hayden 🤭)

omg

oh ‘em gee indeed!

each mention of the polaroids i die a little like.. 🥲

idk how polaroids and pictures in general even became a theme in this fic, like i was just supposed to be a one off but now it’s like their thing and i really love it 😭

i can’t wait for the baby shower !!! i’m hoping and praying it’s a sweet time (no drama pls) but whatever you have planned will be GOOD 😭😂

i am so excited to write the baby shower that chapter is gonna be so full of love, as of now i don’t think there will be drama, at least i didn’t plan for it lol but there will be a lot of feels : (

sighs

homeboys brain really short circuited

catch him replaying this voicemail every morning now after receiving it

baby boy is gonna listen to that thing like it’s a bedtime story

baby no.. that was actually well deserved for him

i can say that baby was indeed not sorry at all for that shot, her apology was out of forced maturity lol

it’s coming soon…. i cannot wait like even if it leaves me in tears

i hope when the time comes all the lovies in this community are so emotionally wrecked that they’re all like crying in a heap on the ground and i can just look down on all of you with a sense of pride in my chest (promise this is a joke)

i know he’s a chef but i love that he like immediately chooses that he needs to make dinner for her like i know for sure his love language is acts of service like bros here calculating time on how long it will take to get to her place then the grocery market like breatheeee dude

his math may’ve been fucked when it came to portioning out money for the restaurant, but i promise you baby could make an off handed comment about calculus or some shit and all of a sudden this kid is a mathematician and knows like the first 20 digits of pi off the top of his head. but also i feel like carmy only ever knows how to express himself through cooking and acts of service, that when these two finally get together he’s going to have to work so hard on accepting how loudly and openly baby loves him!

bro 😭😭

while baby was addicted to drugs, carmy was addicted to her 😍 (i need my internet privileges revoked for this one…)

BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 😭🤍

they really don’t make ‘em like this in real life and it’s such a travesty 😐

chapter seven | they know i believed in us last week

masterlist | ↢ previous chapter | next chapter ↣

pairing: carmen berzatto x fem!reader | platonic!pete x fem!reader | male!oc x fem!reader |

summary: carmy struggles to deal with your absence in his life, while you finally learn to live without him.

warning(s): talk about miscarriage (no explicit details) | word miscarriage used once | implied suicidal thoughts | substance abuse | NA | AA | Al-Anon | grief | mention of pregnancy |angst | drama | semi-fluff | language | sad boi carm | baby being mature | woe is me carmy | please let me know if i missed anything |

wc: 7.3k

song rec: i'll still have me - cyn, aquilo

semi-edited/proof-read

“Carm hey, are you listening?” Natalie’s eyes flitted across Carmy’s face, his blank eyes staring directly past her. She took this moment as a chance to take in her younger brother’s ragged appearance, at first glance he looked like he normally did; exhausted. But taking the time to really study him, she knew Carmy was doing worse than he’d ever admit.

His usual textured and fluffy hair was limp against his head, the greasy quality of it proving he needed a wash. The discoloration under his eyes was the worst Nat had seen it, the deep blue-purple bruising a sign that he was getting even less sleep than he usually did. The skin of his lips was dehydrated and bitten to pieces, a tick he had as a child that gradually calmed down as he grew older. And the visible stubble on his chin was enough to know that the absence of your presence in his life was hitting him harder than anyone expected.

Her eyes caught on the chain that was haphazardly peeking out of his shirt, squinting at the newly added pendant hanging from it. Natalie didn’t have to be a genius to know whose initial hung around Carmen’s neck, the chain which was usually safely tucked into his shirt was now blatantly on show for everyone to see. Natalie had noticed it more recently since your and Carmy’s argument, though this was her first time seeing it this close. She would find him just standing in the restaurant, sometimes eyes staring into nothing as he worried the pendant between his fingers, oftentimes raising it to his lips before letting it go completely and wandering to do whatever task needed to be done.

Natalie’s concern was palpable but the discomfort in her abdomen was worse. “Have you tried talking to her?” The shaky breath she let out filtered between the two of them.

Carmen’s eyes finally snapped to hers taking in the uncomfortable expression on her face, “Sug?” He waited for Nat to focus on him. “You good?” The question hung in the air as Natalie tried to even out her breathing.

Using his sister's obvious discomfort to deflect from the conversation she was insistent on having wasn’t the nicest thing to do, but he’d rather put his sister’s well-being before being forced to think about how long it had been since he last spoke to you; he last saw you.

Carmy watched as Sug raised a closed hand to her mouth suppressing the urge to gag. “Yeah good, I’m good.” The forced smile on her lips did nothing to fool Carmy, but he wouldn’t force the issue.

“Can you uh, explain to me again how we’re doing, I spaced.” His fingers raised to run through his hair a small grimace painting his face at the grime he could feel left behind on his fingertips.

“Seven weeks out, Carm, and still so much to be done,” An exhausted sigh breathed through Natalie’s lips. The stress opening this restaurant caused felt extremely unnecessary considering her current status.

“No yeah I heard that,” Carmy nodded his head rapidly, Sug’s words slowly coming back to him. He squinted his eyes, hand scratching the grown-out stubble on his chin.  “You uh said something about the DBA getting rejected?”

“About that.” Natalie’s voice trailed off one hand pressing into her abdomen to ease the ache, “The name’s taken.”

Nat watched as Carmy processed the words, her discomfort felt like it was increasing as the seconds passed by.

“Who the fuck could’ve taken the name?” The idea perplexed Carmy. There was no chance another business could have the same name, well there was, it was just slim as hell.

Nat shrugged just as confused as Carmy “It’s been trademarked for years, whoever filed has all legal rights to the name.”

“Fuck me!” The pitch of Carmy’s voice rose along with his irritation.

Natalie’s own mumbled expletive was drowned out by Carmy’s outburst, the nauseating morning sickness she was experiencing came in an extra hard bout today.

“Yo, Sug…Sug. You sure you’re okay?” Carmy’s concern now outweighed his confusion, Nat’s weird behavior this whole morning was beginning to worry him.

“I can do this Carmy right, tell me I can do this.” Natalie’s breathing began to increase as a slight panic flooded through her. Carmy watched her with wide eyes, no idea what she could even be talking about.

“Tell me I can do it, Carm!” The wave of nausea subsided with her yell, Carmy’s hands raised in the air to divert blame.

“Fuck okay! You can do it Sug.”

“I am…completely terrified. And I’m only telling you because..I don’t know. Just-just in case.” Natalie nodded to herself as a way to provide her nerves with courage.

Carmy just stared at Natalie still not following where she was leading this conversation to.

“I really want this to be loving and good and happy,” A smile rose to Nat’s face “I just..I don’t want anyone to know…well besides Baby and now you.”

Carmy’s eyes focused on Sug’s abdomen, the pieces of the puzzle slowly fitting together in his head. The name she spoke felt like it was echoing through his ears.

“Sure” He wasn’t sure how to react to the news, he had always assumed Natalie would be the first of the siblings to start a family. And as the years passed by he knew it was a desire he himself had.

“I really don’t want Richie to know. Because somehow, it feels more in my control when and who knows…” The sound of the wall falling caused Nat to raise her voice as she finished her sentence. “That I’m pregnant.” Her final words were spoken just loud enough to alert the crew to her news.

“I fuckin’ knew it.” The sound of Richie’s shout grated on Nat’s nerves, but the quiet congratulations helped to ease her ire a bit.

Carmy was happy for Sugar, but it felt like it was setback after setback for the restaurant and all the personal issues he was dealing with weren't helping his stress. He felt his shoulders sag a bit mind racing as to how the name could already be trademarked, or who would’ve trademarked it.

His eyes found Richie’s as the man cajoled about how he knew Natalie was pregnant this whole time. Had Richie told someone the name and they took it for themselves? Did Mikey somehow trademark it while on a bender? The thought made Carmy’s head hurt what the fuck even was the point of opening this restaurant if they couldn’t use the name. The name was the epitome of the restaurant.

If you were here Carmy knew you would've given him an analogy for how he was feeling, you would’ve told him he was like Atlas holding up the sky or whatever he did. He shook his head trying to rid himself of thoughts of you, it wasn’t helping him in the least.

As much as he’d rather not converse with Richie, he needed to get to the bottom of this trademark business.

“Yo, Cousin!” The words felt wrong escaping Carmy’s lips the two men avoided each other in the same way you avoided Carmen.

The agitation on Richie’s face was instant, Carmy knew he fucked up with you, but the cold shoulder he was getting from Richie felt unnecessary.

Nat watched as the two men locked eyes, not too keen on playing referee for these two again. She looked in Carmy’s direction as Richie began making his way over, trying to gauge what was going through her little brother's mind.

“Carmen,” Richie nodded in acknowledgment to Carmy. Richie would be lying if he said he wasn’t purposefully using Carmy’s government name to rile him up, he knew how much Carmy hated it when you did it, and since you weren’t here someone had to uphold the tradition.

Carmy felt his eye twitch Richie’s immaturity since the argument with you felt never-ending. “Did Mikey ever trademark the name?”

Richie frowned looking between him and Nat the assumption that he had any goddamn clue laughable “What the fuck did Mikey look like trademarking shit? Wasn’t I just slangin’ crack to keep the lights on?”

Carmy’s eyes shut as Nat let out a quiet gasp, watching as Richie raised his hands in defense. Maybe running a back alley drug ring wasn’t the best for business, but without it, they may not have been in this moment renovating the restaurant.

“Well someone fucking trademarked it, Richie.” The attitude Carmy was catching was wholly unwelcome.

“I don’t like your tone, Carmen,” Richie matched Carmy’s energy giving him what he was getting. “All I’m sayin’ is Mikey didn’t trademark it whoever did might…I dunno hypothetically deserve an apology in return for said documents.”

Carmy was at his wits end with the older man “Oh so you’re the fucking Riddler now.”

“Baby trademarked the name?” Nat’s voice traveled between the trio at the same time as Carmen’s snarky remark. Carmy’s head shot to her, confused as to how she concluded you had anything to do with the conversation at hand.

“Bingo!” Richie’s hands came together in a loud clap Sydney rolled her eyes at the obnoxious man before looking over the various work orders. “She did that shit years ago and gave it to Mikey as a present, he…left it for her when he passed.”

A quiet fell over their small group, each of them taking in the gesture. Richie had only become privy to the present when he went through the office to try and make sense of what the hell Mikey was doing to keep the business up and running. He had knocked a framed picture of your group off the desk cleaning up the mess only to find the folded trademark document in the back of the broken picture frame.

Your name was haphazardly scribbled into the back of it.

Carmen’s chest heaved as he let the news wash over him, it seemed since the two of you had your falling out the universe was continuously pushing him to interact with you. He raised his hand to his face, rubbing it up and down as he added another item to the long list of things going wrong with the restaurant.

In a way, learning that you were responsible for trademarking the name made Carmy’s chest feel warm. It felt like you wanted this for Mikey just as much as he did, the two of you both supporting Mikey in ways the other never knew. It also gave him an excuse to speak with you, not that he needed one. If he was a better man he would’ve already worked up the courage to reach out to you. He could feel a headache coming on the more he thought about trying to fix things with you.

Carmen was sure he’d figure things out soon, he wasn’t sure how much longer he could figure things out with you not by his side. Which he would admit was quite ironic considering all the times he had willingly pushed you away. But being pushed away by you had proven to him just how badly he was screwing things up with you, to hear you be so upset by his actions he basically forced you into confessing your love stung him to his core.

Carmy wasn’t exactly sure what love was supposed to feel like, but he was almost positive it wasn’t this. The ache in his chest from not being around you, looking for you in every crowd he was in. Soaking up any conversation your name was mentioned in. Maybe he did know what love was supposed to feel like, because for all the time he had been in love with you, he had never once felt so completely and utterly broken as he had been since not fighting for your love a year ago like he should have.

“That was Nat,” you looked up as Pete returned to the table, a smile growing on your face at how happy he looked to have been speaking with his wife. “Cat’s out of the bag! Our pregnancy is no longer top secret!”

Pete’s excitement was contagious, your smile growing wider at his pure joy. “Our pregnancy?” You chuckled never having heard anyone refer to it as if the pregnancy was shared.

You watched as Pete sipped the water in front of him, a signature goofy smile back on his face. “Of course! I mean yeah Nat is carrying the baby, but I’m just as pregnant as she is.” You gave Pete a confused look, a laugh bubbling out of you.

“You laugh now Baby, but I’m serious.” Pete paused as the waiter brought out the bread for your table, both of you quickly thanking them. “Nat’s my partner you know? And I’m so grateful for her providing me the opportunity to be a father. Allowing me to build with her, for us to come together and bring a child into this world, it’s a beautiful thing I love her ya know.”

The sheen in Pete’s eyes was enough to make you emotional you didn’t need to hear his explanation to know how much Pete loved Natalie, you could just see it in the way he looked at her, in the way his face would light up when anyone would mention her name or ask about her.

“I’m happy that Nat has someone like you to build a life with.” Both you and Pete shared misty-eyed smiles, chuckles leaving each of you at how emotional the small things made both of you.

“Looks like that dinner you were planning just turned into a full-blown baby shower!” The loud clap Pete’s hands made startled you. “Wow, it really will be a Baby shower!”

You watched as Pete laughed at his own pun, doing your best not to laugh along with him and encourage his bad jokes. The relationship you developed with Pete was a bit weird in the beginning, you weren’t the most open to the idea, and it’s not because you didn’t like Pete, it just felt like you were replacing Mikey.

It took a while before you could look at Pete and realize he wasn’t trying to replace Mikey’s role in your life, and that the drugs and paranoia had driven you to that conclusion. Pete was a great man, standing by Natalie’s side while she fought to keep you alive. Probably being more accepting than someone else may have been when he and Nat decided to help you. Pete and Natalie both put aside their own lives to help you get better, and get back on your feet, and while part of you wished Mikey was around to ground you as well, Pete’s love and kindness didn’t deserve to be taken for granted.

“That dinner was supposed to be a surprise for you too Peter,” you shot him a tiny glare before reaching for some bread. “I just wanted you both to have a nice night off together, no stress.” The reservation had already been made, but thinking about Pete’s words and the excitement when explaining most everyone knew about the pregnancy, maybe it would have been best for an intimate shower for the two soon-to-be parents.

Pete was definitely a family guy and Natalie came from a big family, maybe a shower would be for the best. Surround them with people who loved and supported them and just allow everyone to bask in the happiness the joyous news brought, you were sure everyone could use a break.

“Okay hypothetically say I put together a small shower for the two of you, is that even something Nat would want?” Sure you knew Nat but Pete was her husband and this was their moment, you didn’t want to ambush her with a party she never wanted.

You watched Pete bristle a little, a nervous smile raised to his lips, “I uh I’m not sure if Nat ever told you but she kinda had this…this whole dream about the two of you,” you frowned confused at what Pete was talking about.

“Well not like an unconscious sleeping dream, more like a-an idea?” Pete’s voice rose at the end of his sentence, not sure if the question in his tone was meant for you or him.

“Pete bud you lost me.” You gave him a small nod of encouragement awaiting his response.

“Um so…after your uh…loss,” a sad smile rose to Pete’s lips, you could see the apology in his eyes. “Nat she uh…she confided in me about how she always wanted to be the one to throw you a shower if you ever decided to have children. And if-when we had our own she’d want you to be in charge of hers…if you wanted to not like she would force you.” The nervous huff of laughter from Pete hung in the air for a minute.

The admission perplexed you, Nat had never brought this up to you directly and maybe it was because she felt like she couldn’t. You weren’t the most open when it came to the topic of your miscarriage always avoiding the conversation whenever Nat tried to breach it.

“Baby…you’re the closest thing Natalie has to a sister. I can promise she would be ecstatic no matter what decision you choose.”

You nodded, the motion happened unconsciously as you tried to take in everything Pete had laid on you. Of course, there were things Nat wouldn’t share with you, but while the two of you were like sisters you didn’t expect her to share every little detail with you. As you let Pete’s words digest you couldn’t help the warm feeling beginning to flood through your body, if you were being honest you weren’t sure if it was the best idea to be throwing anyone a baby shower, but you also knew Natalie deserved to be celebrated, not only for the life she and Pete were creating together, but also for all the work she was doing to ensure that The Bear had a fighting chance.

“Okay,” your head continued its up-and-down motion. “Yeah okay let’s do it but I’m going to need your help, Pete.” You watched the smile on his face increase tenfold, your own wide smile spreading your lips due to how contagious Pete’s joy was.

“Anything and I mean anything Baby, I am your guy.” Pete’s giddiness warmed you even more, you didn’t think you had ever been surrounded by anyone with such a positive attitude before. In the beginning, when Natalie and Pete first began dating, his electric personality was a bit much but you found yourself always trying to make Pete feel included, especially with how off-putting the rest of the Berzatto clan could be.

And when you were recovering it was almost like you had to re-acclimate yourself to Pete’s personality. Your recovery was hard, there were some days you weren’t even sure if you wanted to get better or if you wanted oxygen to continue filling your lungs. But Pete was so positive and always looking at life and your situation with a ‘glass half full’ mentality, that his constant belief in you helped to make the hard days easier.

A small sigh escaped your lips as you readied yourself for the question you were about to ask. “Pete, do you think you could give me Carmen’s number?” You tried not to roll your eyes as you saw Pete’s own light up, you were almost positive he would be telling Nat about this topic of conversation. “Before you get any ideas, I just need it to invite him to the shower.” You raised your hands in defense hoping Pete wouldn’t look into this any more than he already was.

“No can do B, the idea train has already left the station.” His fingers drummed on the table with excitement. “But I will do you one better,” you frowned as you watched Pete pick up his phone, fingers skating across the screen before he held it up to show you. A call to Carmen already going through as Pete sent you a thumbs-up.

You looked at the screen eyes wide, the shock temporarily paralyzed for a moment. The quiet sound of the ringing between the two of you brought you back. “Pete! Hang up the phone.” Your voice was terse as you spoke trying not to draw too much attention from other patrons.

Pete laughed, “He never answers my calls anyway.” Pete’s words irritated you, but you were glad to see the call go to voicemail before Pete pressed the end call button and set his phone down.

You let out a surprised laugh, Pete had definitely been too influenced by the Berzattos during his time with Natalie. The little stunt he just pulled was something you knew both Richie and Mikey would do if given the chance.

“Baby?” Your head raised eyes meeting Pete’s, “I know this may sound selfish, but I…I need you to figure out this thing between you and Carmen.” Your eyebrows furrowed the need to defend yourself hitting you full force, you opened your mouth to respond but stopped as Pete raised his hand, a signal to let him continue.

“I know Baby, I know. I’ll be honest with you, as much as I love Nat’s family I think you should’ve given up on Carmen a long time ago.” Your jaw fell slack, and Pete’s eyes widened a bit. “No, no just for your own wellbeing, your peace of mind.” You began nodding as Pete explained himself better. “I just, whatever is going on between you and Carmen, it’s affecting Nat. And she won’t tell you because you deserve to feel how you feel, but with the baby and the restaurant…she doesn’t need to play "Fix it Felix” with you and Carmen right now.”

You let out a small chuckle at Pete’s explanation, over the years he had begun expressing himself to you more. You being the only one on Natalie’s side who actually gave him the time of day and willfully listened to him, helped him to gain more confidence when around the rest of the Berzattos. You reached for your glass of water, taking a long sip before setting it down.

“Thank you, Pete, for being honest,” you sighed, finger playing with the condensation on your cup. “If I’m being honest, it's easy to forget that Nat’s in the middle of everything. She’s so good at pretending it doesn’t affect her.” A rueful smile rose to your lips, as great as a friend as Natalie had been to you through everything, you weren’t sure the same could be said for yourself. “You’re right, Carmen and I are adults, we should be able to figure this out ourselves. I’ll…I’ll call him, figure things out.” You sent Pete a small smile.

Recently it felt like Natalie and Pete nursed you back to health and then for some reason became your surrogate parents. You didn’t think there was anything wrong with leaning on them, the three of you did endure a traumatic experience together so it was understandable. But maybe you had become too comfortable and relied on them too much to ‘fix’ your life. You could understand where Pete was coming from and he had every right to put his wife’s well-being before the feelings of his friends.

You knew Natalie and Pete would be amazing parents and of course, Nat’s fears were valid. But you had seen firsthand just how loving, caring, and kind the couple was, and while that wasn’t all that went into raising a child it was like a part of you just knew that their child would be in great hands.

“Enough about my poor life choices Pete, have you guys thought of any names?” The timing of the question couldn’t have been more perfect, Pete perked up at the question, eyes glazing over with excitement. A waiter stopped by your table to deliver your entrees as Pete began animatedly explaining his and Nat’s process for picking names.

A part of you ached at how happy Pete was, if things were different, maybe in another life you would’ve been able to see that excitement on another man’s face. Maybe the two of you would’ve come up with your own system for picking out names.

You listened as lunch continued, no matter how many times the thought had crossed your mind, you would always be grateful that Natalie had found a partner to love her in the ways she deserved.

 It was silent between you and Cortez as you made your second lap around the block, the church in the distance behind you. Your hands were preoccupied with a warm disposable cup of hot cocoa as Cortez gingerly sipped his choice of tea. This had become the routine for your meetings with your sponsor, the two of you would meet at the bodega a little ways away from the church that housed both AA and NA meetings. Then continue your meeting with a few circles around the block before ending at the church stairs when all was said and done.

The air was tense between the two of you, Cortez hadn’t taken kindly to your decision to skip out on the few check-ins that you had asked for. In the beginning, you were in constant contact with Cortez, feeling the match between the two of you out. As you progressed through recovery and got back into the routine of daily life the daily talks between the two of you began to dwindle as you settled into life as a recovering addict.

But after that initial meeting at The Beef, being in Carmen’s presence again, surrounding yourself with Richie and the life you once knew, the meetings with Cortez picked back up in frequency. And you were doing fine for some time, the man meeting with you when you needed it, always willing to speak with you whenever you asked and it was helpful, god was it helpful. But then you made it to step nine, step eight in the recovery program was its own monster that Cortez helped you through especially when it came to who didn’t need to be on your list.

You made the decision to text Cortez after admitting your faults to Richie. As great as it felt to finally be open with Richie and let him into your life, it also brought with it the urge to use again. Richie had been kind enough to take the bottle of champagne off your hands that night, but the desire to call Fak and ask if Theo had anything he could spare almost won out. But as you scrolled through your contacts the red icon hovering over the voicemail tab brought you back to your senses.

“So your friend Richie knows?” Your eyes shot to Cortez taking in his side profile before focusing back on their attention focused on the steaming paper cup of coffee gripped in their hands.

“Yeah, his daughter kind of spilled the beans.” You nodded playing with the frayed edges of your jeans.

“That’s a bit fucked up don’t cha think?” Cortez’s brows furrowed. “I mean how does his little girl know but he don’t that’s gotta hurt.”

You rolled your eyes, “Aren’t you supposed to like not be judgmental?” Cortez’s laugh felt like it was grating on your ears, as good a sponsor as he was, he had the personality of an annoying older brother you were happy not to have.

“It ain’t even judgment though, it’s an observation.” You didn’t have to be looking at him to know that annoying smirk was on his lips as he shrugged his shoulders.

You stopped as Cortez dropped his now empty cup in a trash bin on the street, “Didn’t know you received your inspector gadget certification.”

“That smart ass mouth is bouta be the reason you out here looking for a new sponsor,” you let out a cackle before taking a much-needed sip of your hot cocoa. “Sound like my daughter with that dumb shit.” If you didn’t know the man who was walking by your side, you would’ve thought he was actually upset, but you could tell by the uptick of his lips he didn’t take anything to heart.

The two of you rounded the corner coming up on the church. You watched as Cortez plopped his long limbs down on one of the steps, opting to sit on the railing. Cortez took out his pack of cigarettes bringing the box to his mouth and removing one before offering the box in your direction. You slipped one out a small laugh escaped you at the irony of everything, how you had once been so against the cancer sticks that those around you would make sure not to smoke around you. And then instead of indulging in a nicotine addiction, you turned to alcohol and prescription pills, the fact that you would smoke a cigarette here and there to appease your urges now felt a bit comical.

You leaned forward allowing Cortez to light your cigarette, “Man ain’t nothin’ like smoking on Big G’s doorstep.” Cortez’s voice filled the silence that had settled over the two of you, you took a drag of the cigarette, a small chuckle escaping you with the smoke.

“I used to hate these fucking things.” The disgust on your face was obvious even as the stick hung from your mouth.

“Why you take one every time I offer 'em’ then?” Cortez switched positions leaning his elbows on the step behind him as he stretched his long limbs out in front of them, offering a wave to the few people entering the church for whatever meeting was scheduled to take place.

You shrugged eyes falling to Cortez’s beat-up boots as you sucked the nicotine deep into your lungs, “They’re the same brand Mikey smoked.”

“Damn ma, that shits kinda sad.” The two of you locked eyes before small laughs left the both of you. You had been around Cortez for so long that you’d picked up on his need to turn most anything into a joke. And while in the beginning, it pissed you off, you realized that’s just who he was and that sometimes being able to laugh in serious moments or at your trauma was helpful.

“Nah seriously though better smokin’ these than messin’ with that shit that hooked you in the first place. Know what I mean?” You nodded, finishing off the cigarette in your hand before taking the second cigarette Cortez offered. You knew how these things went and had spent so much time with the man that you learned to read him. Cortez only ever smoked two cigarettes and offered you two if the conversation was gonna be a rough one.

“Where you at with them apologies?” You sighed letting the man light your cigarette one more time, allowing the fumes to warm your lungs.

You dropped from your seat on the railing, your backside had gone numb. You settled yourself to lean against the railing “I mean I told Richie the truth and there were a lot of apologies in that conversation. But I feel like he deserves a better apology.” You shrugged, your attention dropping to Cortez as he listened.

“Ima be honest wit chu, this might be the hardest part of recovery. Shit I know it was f’me admittin’ to my little girl her father was a fuckin’ junkie. But at the end of the day, you gotta remember this recovery shit is for you. If homeboy loves you like a sister like you say he does, all that should matter to him is that yo annoyin’ ass still here. A’ight, ma?” You listened, nodding along to his words. “All you can do is apologize for the shit you did, you can’t control whether people forgive you or not, and remember ain’t nobody gotta fuck with your apology if they don’t want to.”

You let Cortez’s words settle into you, to anyone else his words may not have seemed genuine but this is just who Cortez was. And you knew no matter how nonchalant he sounded he was speaking every word from his heart.

“You still fuckin with that lil dumbass boy?” The question caused you to choke on the last bit of cocoa in your cup.

“We had a falling out, he’s one of the people I have to apologize to though.” The cigarette between your fingers continued to burn. “There’s a lot I still haven’t told him…the substance abuse, the reasons behind my overdose.” An exhausted sigh pushed its way through your lips. It was like one thing after another when it came to you and Carmy.

“Listen I know we ain’t sposed to have like personal relationships and shit, but lemme know what homeboy looks like I’ll get my goons on em’ for you.” Your head fell back in laughter as Cortez raised his fist to under both of his eyes.

“No goons Cortez, please. Wait, have you ever actually put a hit on somebody before?” You obviously didn’t know Cortez as well as you would have if the two of you were friends. But it wasn’t hard to tell that he would get down if need be.

“Why someone say somethin’?” The two of you shared a laugh, the now more frequent people entering the church signifying that your time together was coming to an end.

“Aight, I gotta head in, get shit set up in there. But ima send you the info for Nar-Anon you give that shit to people who still choose to put up with yo ass. You comin' in?”

You shook your head sending him a small smile, “I came to the morning meetings today.”

You nodded in thanks as Cortez stood up, pushing yourself off the railing. You placed the cigarette between your lips leaving your hands open to do the handshake Cortez insisted you did after each meeting. When he first introduced it you were still getting used to the idea of being a recovering addict and thought he was fucking crazy. But you realized he used it as a way to break the serious desolate feeling that some of these meetings ended on, to help bring some light to what was such a dark reality.

At least that’s how he explained it to you, but you were sure he just liked doing the handshake his daughter helped him come up with.

“Ima see you when I see you ma stay straight.” You chuckled before turning on your heel to head to your parked car. Putting the bud of the cigarette out against the trash bin you passed. It was still early, enough time for you to knock out some baby shower shopping before it got too late.

Carmen stopped in his tracks, eyes finding your figure across the street. You were in front of the church that held the Al-Anon meetings he told you about. Maybe you would be attending the one he was here for, his eyes traveled to the man sitting on the steps you were talking to eyebrows furrowing as he realized the vapors leaving your mouth weren’t from your warm temperature, but instead the stick you had raised to your mouth.

“Baby?” The question left his lips in a quiet whisper, he knew it was you standing across the street but it had been a few weeks since your last interaction he was sure he had imagined you. But he would know you anywhere, by scent alone. He couldn’t help the shock at watching you smoke, something you had been so opposed to since the two of you were children. Even going so far as telling Carmy you couldn’t be friends when he smoked his first cigarette at 15, the stalemate barely lasted a day after you realized how dumb the idea was.

Carmy watched as the two of you stood up, his hopes to see you inside dwindling as he watched the two of you begin to part ways, an intricate handshake taking place before you turned to leave. He watched as your figure disappeared around the corner, a quiet ‘shit’ leaving his lips before he darted across the street trying to catch you before you were gone for good.

“Baby! Hey!” His shouts were useless, you were too far gone to have even heard him. “Fuck!” One hand raised to sit on the bill of his cap, the universe seemed like it was doing everything in its power to keep the two of you apart. Or maybe it was just the way things were meant to be.

Carmy turned to see the man you were with still standing in the same spot you left him, eyes narrowed as he took in Carmy’s figure. The man eyed Carmy for a moment longer, sending a head nod his way before turning and entering the church. Carmy was tempted to follow the man and ask about you, but whatever your relationship with the unknown man was, it was none of Carmy’s business.

He sighed eyes shooting up to the sky before taking a deep breath and making his way inside, not wanting to be late and disturb the Al-Anon meeting before it began. Carmy made his way to the room where the meeting usually took place, eyes landing on the same man from outside once more as he greeted members, the sign near the door he stood by signifying it was an NA meeting. Carmy stopped for a moment, eyes darting between the man and the sign he’d just read.

“You lost kid?” Carmy looked at the man brown furrowed as he shook his head, he sent a tight smile the man's way before walking two doors down for his own meeting. Carmen’s brain felt like it was racing a mile a minute. If you weren’t coming to the Al-Anon meeting, why were you here? And why were you talking with someone who appeared to be leading NA meetings?

The vibrating of his phone caught his attention, the device easily slipped out of his pocket. He felt the air leave his lungs as your name flashed across his screen, he realized just how indecent setting that Polaroid picture of you with his chain on might have been now that he was in public, but it’s not like he ever thought you’d call him.

How’d you even get his number?

“Carmen, hey, we’re about to start your coming?” His head shot up to one of the usual who attended these meetings and would talk to him on occasion.

“Yeah uh, just give me a minute.” Carmy gave a tight smile, eyes flashing back to his phone finger moving to swipe across the screen, the call abruptly ending before he even got the chance to hear your voice. Carmen was sure he had the worst luck in the world, a defeated sigh leaving him, he was almost positive there was no chance you were calling him back.

Quickly putting his phone on Do Not Disturb and in the safety of his jacket pocket, he entered the meeting, as much as he wanted to drop everything and fix things with you. He wasn’t even sure what you had called him for. Carmen also knew it was for the best to attend the meeting,

Carmen was sitting in his car allowing it to warm up as he waited. The skyline began to reflect the sunset, the time on the dashboard letting him know it was around dinner time. He fished his phone out of his pocket mindlessly checking the notifications he’d gotten while in the meeting.

Carmy’s brows furrowed at the flurry of messages he received from a group chat he wasn’t aware he was a part of. He frowned as he opened it, your contact is one of the many in the text chain. The only contact with a photo was yours, making you easily distinguishable, he realized the rest of the people in the chat were the restaurant crew. He scrolled through the messages eyes reading over your message with details about a baby shower, your address included.

Carmy exited out of his messages, unsure of how things were between the two of you. It had been three weeks since the argument and neither of you had tried contacting the other. But here he was with a message from you, and a missed call and he wasn’t sure how to take any of it.

He decided it was a good idea to call you back, and try and feel out the atmosphere between the two of you. His heart felt like it was stuttering in his chest as his finger hovered over his screen; you left him a voicemail. He needed to know what the message said, but a part of him was also worried he might not like what he heard, he had hurt you too many times to count, and if whatever you had to say to him broke him down more than he already was, well then he was sure he deserved it.

Carmen took one last deep breath before clicking on the voicemail and raising the phone to his ear, heart pounding in his chest as he heard the sweet whisper of your voice.

‘Hey Carmen, uh it’s me…Baby. Not sure why I introduced myself. I'm sure you know it’s me.” Carmy let out a watery chuckle at the sound of your voice, even if he hadn't saved your number the delicate timber of your voice would’ve been enough for him.

“Listen uh, I got your number for Pete. I hope you don’t mind, I know you have issues with girls actually having your number…Sorry, that was actually kind of rude. Anyway, I uh…Pete helped put things in perspective for me and I, I think we need to talk Carmen. I’m not sure when or if you even want that, but I think we both deserve a chance to explain our side of things. I um…I also have some things I think you should know. Just, if this is something you’re interested in, you have my number.” Carmen felt his heart rate slow down your words, nothing more than a piece offering.

“I just want to be clear though, um..if I don’t hear back from you, I’m going to take that as a sign. So yeah, call me back or something I guess.” The line finally went silent, your voice no longer caressing Carmy’s ears.

It felt like he was having heart palpitations but he knew it was just his nerves getting the best of him. He pulled the phone away from his ear, the time on his phone reading 5:30 p.m. Carmy quickly opened the group chat scrolling through to find your address and open it up in maps. You lived about 30 minutes from where he was, he was confident he could get there in 20 and spare the 10 minutes at a store near you.

Carmen made his decision as he set his phone down in the cup holder before beginning his journey. The ball was in his court, you had given him an olive branch and it was up to him whether he accepted it or not. He was nervous, maybe showing up at your house to cook you dinner wasn’t his most thought-out plan but he needed you desperately, needed to see you, be in your presence, and know that there was still a chance of something more between the two of you.

The hope Carmy felt when he saw you calling him earlier was now back tenfold: the pendant delicately resting against his chest felt warm. Carmen was adamant that he would admit his love for you tonight, unsure if he could go another day living with the fact that you were in love with him, but you still didn’t know just how much he had always loved you. You were so blissfully unaware that since he could remember, you had been the one and only option in his mind.

a/n: wowza, long time no see. i apologize that this is a bit of a filler chapter but it felt kinda necessary idk. anway please let me know if there are any problems with this chapter it's barely edited. enjoy : )

also also: both richard cabral as coco in mayans and manny montana as rio in good girls inspired cortez the sponsor, but head canon him as whoever you want…okay bye now 🤍

[4dtk]

NCT 127: finding out you're older than them

“Hey, can I request an NCT127 reaction to finding out you're actually older than them when they thought you were much younger than them? (like you look really young despite your age lol)” thank u for waiting honey <3 ps i just used random years that are older than the members!

enjoy! this was fun to write ^^

→ TAEIL would have his mouth in an ‘O’, but more of a ‘ooh cool!’ way where he’s nodding repeatedly to nothing seconds after you’ve spilled the beans. it sinks in more later when he thinks of your birth years side by side and he’s like omg! i’m finally not the oldest and it garners a laugh out of you that you don’t mind being called old by him. honestly, you don’t mind being called old at all by the other members, since technically you are taeil’s s/o. the members are closer to the male, so when they call him old, you join in lol

“woah hyung/noona! i can’t believe you now take the place of oldest in our group,” mark says, although gets a smack from haechan for saying that.

“ack! sorry taeil-hyung and (y/n)-hyung/(y/n)-noona, mark’s mouth is a little big today.”

taeil waves it off, curling an arm around your waist to bring you closer as mark avoids eye contact. slowly the members crowd around the four of you, interested in the topic that’s taking place. it was well over 11pm in the practice room, and having just ended dance practice, they cooled down by taking part in the conversation.

“yeah! you finally can call someone else old!” another smack and a whine from mark accompanied by an apologetic look that wasn’t seen often on donghyuck.

“i’m sorry for them,” taeil whispers with a laugh, placing a kiss onto your cheek before taking a swig of water from his bottle. he takes your shaking head as acceptance of your new position of the oldest, pleased when you return his kiss with one to his lips.

→ JOHNNY is the one to pull a dramatic face lol. you know the one where his mouth is in a ‘O’ and his eyebrows are knitted. the expression is playful, but there’s a bit of genuine shock behind it. recovers from it quickly tho and jokingly calls you ‘daddy/mommy’ to annoy you. i can see him calling you the term later if you get married or have kids though, just in a third person kinda way - something like a running joke from when he discovered you were older years ago.

“no way, you’re born in 1992?” his jaw is dropped, eyes wide that makes you smile just a little, “holy shit you’re old,” there’s a fit of laughter when your hand lands on his back as a form of retaliation (“like you’re not!”), but you agree either way, shrugging nonchalantly at the year of birth.

“then maybe now i can call you daddy/mommy,” you groan at that, shoving him for real now as he lands on the sofa behind him and doyoung at the dining table contemplates whether he should interfere. he decides not to when you full on attack your boyfriend, although with half-assed punches as johnny continues to moan out theatrically in between attacks, “but for real though, next time, i wanna hear voices calling you.”

“the fuck? you mean in like a horror movie way?”

“nah, in the i wanna have a family way.” you gulp with a surprised expression and you launch a badly timed attack that hits him in the balls. you’re apologising with a fluster, johnny is groaning in pain. oh well, this could be story to tell your kids or adopted babies next time.

→ TAEYONG is making surprised noises. it’s so cute lol that you’re the one ending up teasing him about it. taeyong forgets it sometimes, so you have the pleasure of seeing him react like a couple of times bc it finally settles in his mind that you’re older than him. other than that, yong loves you all the same and sometimes acts like a baby just so you’d cave and take care of him. he argues that it’s only the right way! older s/o? you take care of me! i want to be babied.

“huh? you’re older than me?” taeyong asks, mindlessly digging through your stuff until he comes across your ID. he curiously sifts through the information on it, but the number of your birth year seemed to stand out the most.

you hum, placing the last bits of your mask on yourself as you turn back to your boyfriend with a similar look: hair band pushing his dyed hair back, with a mask like yours on his face.

a noise of approval spills from taeyong’s mouth, and you’re left giggling in confusion until he explains his reason for it. you nod through it, happy to give your boyfriend what he wants while he takes his place in your arms. “feels nice,” taeyong mumbles, loving the way you’re playing with his fingers before he asks a question with a small voice. “can we do this more often?”

“of course,” and now you’re glad for taeyong’s curiosity of your things, presenting you with the opportunity (and excuse) to hold your lover in your arms.

→ YUTA doesn’t care either tbh. he may be one of the ones to figure it out before the others - how? you don’t know either but i have a feeling he might’ve taken a look at your ID or something along those lines. mans just nods at the year. as long as you’re still yourself and don’t change how you act in the relationship obvi bc he’s dating you bc of how you’ve presented yourself so far. it’ll feel weird if you suddenly start to dote on him just because you’re older. still likes to take care of you <3

“hey babe? were you born in 1993?” yuta inquires one day at dinner, the whole table of members somehow going a little quiet at the revelation.

“mhm! how’d you know?” you tilted your head, placing a piece of fish into your mouth and ignoring the shocked faces on the faces of the different members.

“eehh- i just saw it on your ID accidentally the other day,” yuta smiles when wiggle your mouth around to feel for the fish’s bone, finally able to shoot your boyfriend a smile as you both go back to your dinner. your laugh is the one thing that’s heard across the table and the occasional clinks of chopsticks against porcelain, and you’re confident if you were on a sitcom, the camera would just have all the members staring into it in shock.

“is it that surprising?” you asked the members, some of them waving their hands and shaking their head, knowing that yuta would probably take it up to them if they happen to have a problem with it.

“so i actually needed to call you hyung/noona?! i’m so sorry!!!” mark exclaims, earning a giggle from you.

→ DOYOUNG would react a little intensely too, but more in a starstruck, quiet kind of way. he just has this wide eyed look that make you burst out in laughter at the discovery and his lips are making a funny shape. he nods it off calm and cooly, but inside he’s like oh my god wtf really???? why didn’t i know this holy shit are they going to leave me for not knowing you can see no thought behind his eyes but you know the man’s spiralling a little inside that you have to reassure him that it’s just a minor thing (he gets out of the dump pretty quickly). your age reveal doesn’t affect him much either.

“you’re- you’re older than me?” doyoung’s mouth dries, coffee cup hovering just below his lips as you drop the bomb without much care. it’s quiet in the early morning, having had just finished filming his relay cam, but you can practically hear doyoung’s thoughts. he’s brought of it when you place a hand on his wrist.

“babe, baby, it’s okay. i didn’t tell you anyway, don’t worry about it,” your smile is blinding, and it has doyoung smiling as well, agreeing along to your reasoning and slowly easing into his previous action of drinking his beverage before he halts again.

your head tilts in question. “what is it?”

your boyfriend waves it off with a shy smile, bringing your hand to his lips as he lands a kiss on the skin there, “nothing. just thinking about how much i love you.”

“did it change?”

there’s a blush on his cheeks when he says it, glad for the two of you being in the only ones awake. “no, not one bit.”

→ JAEHYUN would one way or another kind of know already, although he’s not 100% sure. he’s observant, sometimes content with watching you take care of the other members (poor guy gets jealous tho) or just cleaning up after him when he’s a little too tired to do things - like wash his hair and what not. even if you’re not a naturally ‘taking care of others’ person, jaehyun picks up on the things that he’s heard his friends talk about regarding their older siblings (since he’s an only child) or compares to how you act around the group that’s similar to taeyong or doyoung. i can see jaehyun being a little disappointed, but it doesn’t change much as long as he can keep the dynamic of the relationship (so him giving the affection with you in his embrace). jaehyun is a quiet kind of shock like doyoung.

“huh… you’re born in 1994?”

“sure am,” you’re filling out a form for a membership, pen scribbling with swiftness in order not to hold up the line. you pass it back in a minute as the cashier processes your membership, and you feel jaehyun squeeze your hand. “why, why? is it an issue?” you mumble a thank you to the cashier, heading out of the store hand in hand while you find a spot to talk to your boyfriend.

“no no,” jaehyun giggles, a low one that makes your heart flutter, and he leans down to place a kiss onto your lips. it lingers there longer than you expected and you feel his smile on your lips. “there’s no issue. it just kinda adds up, in a way. you’re such a natural at giving advice and taking care of the other members. i’m just… a little surprised, is all.”

you laugh at that, meeting his lips again in a loving peck, “okay, that’s good then!”

→ JUNGWOO says “woowww!” like video game commentary and claps. yes he claps, you’re not sure why either but he’s just so thrilled to learn of your birth year that he just nods along and gives you a thumb-up after. i can’t say he’ll be that shocked, more of like happy for you like you just told him you passed a test or something. when you ask him about it, he just shrugs and pats you on the back. it’s all part of his personality, though, and like taeyong/yuta, he wouldn’t care much apart from being able to call you ‘sunbaenim’ as a joke. sometimes calls you senpai LMAO

“woah, you’re older than me by four years?” jungwoo mumbles when you show him your old IDs, the topic of your birth year overriding the original goal of wanting to see your foetus pictures.

“hm? oh yeah, i guess i never really mentioned it, huh?” you continue with what you were doing, cleaning up the stray hairs sticking out from your hairdo before jungwoo comes back hugging with his long limbs and silky outfit.

“congrats!” he meets your eyes through the vanity mirror and proceeds to peck your cheek and your expression that follows next brings laughter to jungwoo’s chest. you can feel it move from behind you, hoping he wouldn’t mess up the hour you spent on your hair. “why congrats?” your lip is curled with a raise of your eyebrows as your boyfriend continues to hang off your shoulders.

he thinks, then replies with a dunno and leaves the area to settle back on the bed. the snap of his camera follows next, no doubt taking pictures of the serious face shots of your old ID cards.

→ MARK would be one of the ones that you think is over exaggerating, except he’s just that shocked. he would stumble over his words and texting johnny or whoever to tell him and be like “yoooo? huh? what?” mark would probably be the last one to make the connection and johnny is all like “yeah? u didn’t know?” and mark is like “HOW WOULD I KNOW THEY LOOK SO YOUNG?????!!” hysterical, this man. mark almost doesn’t believe it for a second and you have to take out your ID to show him lmfao

mark’s head snaps to you once he overhears you in conversation with the flyer distributor, catching your attention with something that was in line with your interests. mark tunes out the promoter explaining the features of the product, only coming back to earth when you mention your date of birth for a trial of their services.

“you’re WHAT? nah. no. no way, show me your ID.”

the other jumps back at the sudden exclamation while you just raise an eyebrow. sorry, excuse him, you mumble, and you’re dragging mark off to the side as you fumble in your bag to pull out your ID in exasperation. the timing is imperfectly perfect: mark bends down to inspect your birth year, you flip open the wallet a little too hard, it hits his head in a loud thwack!

“ow.” mark giggles, squinting his eyes to finally make out the fading ‘1998’ on your card, “oh! so the same as jungwoo hyung?” he giggles again, “he finally as someone to talk to!”

→ HAECHAN is shocked but would immediately mask it and go like “oh my! still so pretty, miss halmeoni,” he coos and you’re so ready to smack him. in a way acts like johnny but will not stop using the word on a daily basis (unless you tell him that you don’t like it). it becomes part of the pet names that he calls you, but he still likes the classic baby/honey/love. sometimes also like to whine with hyung/noona if he wants something, like a new video game or for you to buy food for him. other than that, haechan is pretty indifferent about you being older than him.

“hah?! you’re born in 1999?” haechan has his neck stuck out like a fish out of water, not posing that much difference since he’s just finished a shower. you make the bed with deftness, tucking in the duvet easily as your boyfriend approaches from behind.

he’s shocked, but before you can comment on it, he recovers quickly to deliver a quip through his toothpaste-filled mouth, “oh my! halmeoni, then you should take a seat!” your hands are on your hips, glaring at him while he only grins.

you indulge him, though, and take a seat on the newly made bed, relaxing into the softness of the sheets with elbows.

“if i’m considered elderly, then, you can do the housework for me, right?” the dread that slowly fills up haechan’s features make you explode into giggles, before pushing yourself up to come face to face with him.

“thought so,” you whispered, petting his head as you continue the clean-up of the room.