#this was sent to me that night with the weird homophobic messages so idk who this is lol

[commajade]

There has been theory that *British* imperialism criminalized homosexuality in countries that may not have otherwise, and Britain did colonize China... but there is also theory that because Confucianism makes implications about a son’s responsibility to continue the family line, that *that* is one of the larger factors, and existed before colonization. How did Japan and US influence Korea in that way?

okie i got this a while ago and i didn’t immediately reply cuz like ur tone is. a little weird and idk if you’re asking this in good faith. but i will answer!

it’s not a theory that british imperialism criminalized homosexuality in india and other countries it is simply true. my advisor in fact wrote a whole book about it and how that’s reflected in british colonial era literature esp about india but i don’t know much about other british colonized countries incl china. 

the thing is that on a fundamental level, people don’t seem to understand that the countries of north and south korea did not organically emerge over time from the joseon dynasty. like it wasn’t even the US military division that first wrecked us it was japan. they destroyed our societal infrastructure and actively waged both physical and cultural genocide onto us and completely reshaped korea into an industrial western image. the south korean word for a part time job is actually german because japan had a hard on for nazis and left that word ingrained in our language (dprk works harder to replace loanwords with korean ones). and then the U.S. went back on its agreement with japan that if they could annex the philippines then japan could have korea and snatched us out of japanese hands as soon as we got our independence. they left all of those colonial structures in place and reshaped south korea aka the Republic of Korea in the image of the U.S. They then left the japanese collaborators to stay in charge even though we tried to guillotine or exile all of them, so these koreans that helped japan in the project of genocide just jumped into the U.S. ship and continued exploiting their own people like usual. The U.S.-ification of south korea was through many many means including military occupation and repeated U.S. backed coups and by flooding the southern half of the peninsula with U.S. military personnel to this day. the law is based in U.S. law, the government is modeled off of U.S. government. laws against homosexuality exist in south korea because the U.S. had the law first. the colonization of a united korean people has never ended. military occupation in the south (along with total diplomatic/economic control) and sanctions in the north causing mass starvation and lack of resources after the heavy bombings destroyed the rare agricultural land plots (traditionally much of the country’s agricultural output is from the south because it’s a little less mountainous/more flat+arable)

confucianism is like very much a part of china’s sphere of influence style pre-western colonization so calling confucianism pre-colonial is simply wrong. also homosexuality was fairly common in korea up to the end of the joseon dynasty because even in a confucian system people just. had gay relationships anyway. a firstborn nobleman must indeed have a wife and kids but nothing stopped him from also pursuing relationships with men. for the working/rural class there’s even less of a confucian influence and they maintained practices and beliefs that instead held respect for queerness because our indigenous religion is often led by queer people or otherwise crossdressers that channel spirits of differently gendered deities during their work. japan of course purposefully murdered as many shamans as they could and destroyed every shrine, temple, and palace they could find and then U.S. style christianity and atheism (the worship of capital) has taken front and center ever since. which is why if you ask the average south korean about shamanism today they’ll have disinterested or derogatory things to say about shamans. 

the other thing is that i was specifically talking about U.S. and Japanese influences on homophobia in kpop, not just codified law. i truly believe that every single kind of exploitation in kpop is a result of 1. the industry originating in u.s. military bases because they were some of the only places with entertainment money until the 1990s + u.s. cultural and economic power worldwide making all music be u.s. influenced music which really means all music is stolen from Black people’s innovations. and 2. intense japanese influence on korean music starting from maybe the 1920s. when choi seunghee and other korean traditional singers/dancers were the most popular musicians in japan and the arirang the biggest selling popsong in japan for a time it was because japan was proud to have annexed us. they called koreans subhuman and primitive and perpetually miserable and loved it when we sing sad sexy songs for their enjoyment. and this continued when we were finally allowed to make music in our own language again and there was an undeniable influence of western pop filtered through a japanese lens, especially in enka and jpop aesthetics and sound until the late 2000s. since then kpop has become its own style and force but also reverted to u.s. influence (including rampant anti-blackness and anti-indigeneity). the first real kpop group was the kim sisters who were signed by u.s. label and promoted with fetishization and tokenized exotification to u.s. soldiers. by definition kpop as an industry and a genre comes from a place of cultural economic physical colonization. and this is a whole separate thing but the model of queerbaiting and pedophilia and like unhealthy fetishizing of gay relationships or a fetish-y parasocial relationships happened in japan first with roots in like ukio-e culture. 

and yet, korean singers and dancers are still doing amazing things and putting real meaning and intention into their craft. especially the dancing and choreography like damn there’s really no one doing dancing at the scale some kpop does it (besides like beyonce). and a lot of these artists are gay. they just have to be, statistically. and the weird fetishy parasocial capitalist colonial structure wants them to only be gay in ways that can be exploited. and they still flag and connect with queer fans because they insist on being seen authentically as much as they can despite the state of things. and gay korean people loooooove kpop. they love sunmi and shinee and twice and snsd and uhm jung hwa and all the other gay icons. when esp ppl from the u.s. criticize the homophobia in the kpop industry it's always very much in the "oh our colonized country is so backward and homophobic and misogynistic good thing we can save them with our progressive ideals and superior economic model they're lucky we're choosing to take them into our fold" and that's what i was referring to in my original post that you made this ask in response to. 

[spaced-out-julissx]

this post is kinda long ngl

Last night, I came out to my friend as bisexual through text message. God I still can’t believe I did it. She’s bisexual too, so the reason I came out to her first was not only because I trusted her, but she might be one of the few that understands me. I would love to include screenshots of the text messages, but I’m typing this through a laptop and I don’t want pictures here because my whole family can login and can see them. I know I can delete them but I don’t want to risk it. Let me tell you what happened just in case you’re looking for a coming out story to read or help you out.

Me and her were just making small talk and talking about our new hobbies that we formed during quarantine and the sort. I was actually doing homework while texting her. And then, all of a sudden, I wanted her to know. Like, I’ve always known I was going to tell her first, but I thought it was going to be in person. But last night, as I was texting her, I just really wanted her to know. It was so powerful, this feeling, of just wanting to go through the screen and come out at her end and just scream it out. I was kind of scared of this all-of-a-sudden feeling, because it doesn’t come with bravery, but rather recklessness and this feeling could either be the best or worst thing for someone in the closet.

Nevertheless, I decided to act on it. And I don’t mean to sound dramatic, but I felt these exact feelings: my leg, which was already shaking, began shaking even more violently. I could feel goosebumps all over my arms. There was a lump in my throat, and thank goodness we were texting rather than talking or else I would have never spit out the words. My stomach felt weird, like somebody was poking me all over, but through the inside. 

I texted her, asking if I could talk to her about something. She said yes, and then my phone stopped working for a whole hour. Great timing. For that whole hour, I was reflecting if I should or shouldn’t. But this feeling was so strong, and I had no doubt in my mind that it was going to be tonight that I would tell her. My phone started working again, and then I told her that it broke down and whatever. Then she asked me what it was that I wanted to tell her. 

So I typed up the words “I’m bi”. I typed them. I didn’t send them. There I was, staring at the blue “send” button, thinking how big that button all of a sudden became. Two words. Two small words. One of them I didn’t even type fully. But they were so powerful, because the second I sent them I knew there was no going back. You can’t just lock yourself back inside the closet. 

I was feeling so overwhelmed, so I went into the notes app and typed up a reason as to why I was telling her. I typed up exactly these words,

“and you're the only one that knows idk i just wanted to tell someone and i really don't want to tell my family they're kinda homophobic hehe”

I was going to send “I’m bi” first and then the message above. So I went back to the text messages. I took a couple of breaths.

It was so much, I literally squeezed my eyes shut and my thumb hit the send button. I felt this huge weight on my shoulders. I felt so many feelings right at that moment, it was crazy. Goosebumps were positively all over my body. Immediately I pasted the message from the notes. That was probably a good idea, my whole copy and paste thing. There was no way my shaking fingers were going to type a whole sentence after sending that.

I stared at my phone, waiting. There was no way I could just look away from the phone. My eyes were glued. I wasn’t even blinking. 

A whole minute passed. A WHOLE MINUTE. I kid you not a whole 60 seconds passed. Those 60 seconds were longer than microwave seconds. I was waiting and waiting. Surely she wouldn’t be mad at me, right? She’s bi. It would be hypocritical, and if I knew she would do something like that, I wouldn’t have told her. But do I honestly know her fully? I mean, I only met her a couple of months ago, but I feel like I’ve known her forever. She’s just so easy to talk to about literally anything! Was this an exception? And just like that, another minute passed. 

That’s it. I can try to go back inside the closet as best as I could. I could tell her April Fools or something like that, and if she says that it’s not even April 1, I’ll just tell her I thought you were supposed to celebrate that holiday all through April. She won’t be suspicious, will she?

“Omg really I'm so happy how'd you realize?”

There. She responded. Immediately after reading that, all my stress, anxiety, every single fucking thing melted off me. My legs stopped shaking, and they always shake. Doesn’t matter if I’m coming out or not. But they were still. And I was just staring back at the screen, my mouth slightly open.

I felt so good. God typing this makes me feel kind of emotional. I did it. I actually did it. And I wasn’t embarrased, like how I envisioned my coming out to anybody every single fucking time. I wasn’t regretting it. I was smiling. And then I was full on grinning at the screen. I came out to someone, and they were “so happy” to hear it. I literally had to get up and hop on my bed a little. I know that sounds cheesy as fuck, but I got on my small sofa bed and hopped a bit. And I couldn’t stop smiling. I felt so good.

So I started telling her how I realized. How I think I kind of have always known but I would suppress it because my family wasn’t exactly open to it. How in middle school I had tiny crushes on girls and kind of...fantasize about kissing them. How I was in love with Lady Gaga, but then I realized it wasn’t just her music that I liked. How reading any wlw book or fanfiction made me feel kind of jealous of one of the characters. How after reading gay literature (such as Simon vs The Homo-Sapiens’ Agenda and Leah On The Offbeat) made me finally accept that I don’t just like guys, and that it was 100% normal. I don’t know, but when you know, you know. I hid it all these years because of my family. My mom literally told me she thinks my brother might turn out gay because he only has a bunch of older sisters, and that her and my dad were trying to “get it out of him”. Whatever “it” was. Guess how old my brother was when she told me that? Like 3 years old. 

I don’t know. I know my parents won’t kick me out if I told them, so I guess I’m lucky on that end. But they just make all these jokes and whenever they meet someone who is gay, they make it point to point it out in a story they might tell during dinner. My mom’s cousin came out as lesbian last summer, and my mom’s aunt (not her cousin’s mom) was saying how she didn’t want to talk to her anymore and for her to not even think about visiting her. I watch old home videos of my mom hanging out with her cousins and throwing around words like the fa**** and great stuff like that. My dad was brought up in a very traditional Mexican family, where my grandparents from that side of the family might whip out a bible if I tell them. You know the sorts. Even my older sister has a bit of both of my parents. She loves stereotyping, in which for example if at work a guy gives her attitude, he’s probably gay. She talks about celebrities’ sexual orientations like she knows, and she makes the type of gay jokes that are not really hateful, but rather uncomfortable. I really don’t like those jokes. They’re like the equivalent to “I can’t be homophobic! I made eye contact with a gay on June 8, 2017!”

Woah there, I wrote a big one, boys! This was just supposed to be a coming out story but turned out to be a whole rant as to why I don’t come out. If you’re still reading this, thanks. It means the world to me. 

But anyways, my coming out yesterday, overall, I rate it bittersweet. It’s like the word bittersweet was made for this exact experience. It was very sweet in the fact that I’m already starting my journey to being out of the closet. I’m not completely out, but let’s just say I unlocked the door, and someone noticed. I’m not out, but I’m not in either, and that’s the sweet part. The bitter is the fact that I felt terrible and like death before coming out, and that was to an open, sweet, BISEXUAL friend. Imagine how I’m going to feel when I tell other people? When I tell my parents? God the thought makes me nauseated. I don’t know how you people that are out do it. I mean, I can’t even stomach the idea, but I’ll get around it some day. If you’re out, you are such a brave little muffin, and I’m proud of you. If you’re closeted, I’m still proud of you for figuring out who you are and for being brave for just being here, having to restrain yourself when you hear homophobic shit. If you’re questioning, you’re still brave for taking the step to figure out yourself, and I really hope you’re comfortable with yourself and you take all the time you need. 

Wow I’m a trainwreck. If you read from beginning to end, thank you you’re so sweet. I’ll keep updating this thread if I come out to someone else or if something happens. Writing makes me feel kind of liberated.

[surveysonfleek]

832.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 49

4701. What is your reaction to beggers and homeless on the streets? Are they lazy? Why? i feel bad for them. they may have put themselves in that position, they may have not. no one can judge until you hear their story. 4702. Does pure altruism exist? Why or why not? not in my world. 4703. Is 'You like me and I like it all' an attitude you might have? nope. 4704. Finish the words. Ch: air An: al Ge: ar So: ul Ne: ver Bo: il Wi: ll E: ye

4705. What's your favorite science fiction movie? Make it a double feature. What's your second favorite? does black panther count? definitely that. second fave is probably the xmen series. 4706. If you had a remote control for people who would you set on mute? haha no. i’d just avoid them. 4707. When have you felt like you were living in the twilight zone? no. 4708. Do you have penis envy? Do you have vagina envy? haha no. 4709. The maker doesn't want it; the buyer doesn't use it; and the user doesn't see it. What is it? idk. 4710. A child is born in Boston, Mass., to parents who were both born in Boston, Mass. The child is not a U.S. citizen. How is this possible? this boston, mass must not be in usa. 4711. Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on Earth? mount everest. unless there’s still one undiscovered somewhere. 4712. If you had to choose between being 3ft. tall or 9ft. tall which would you be? probably 3ft. 9ft is huge. 4711. If you could know the answer to any 3 questions, what would they be?: idk. 4712. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the body or the mind of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want? probably the mind. you could still do a lot with your mind even if you’re frail. 4713. Would it disturb you much if, upon your death, your body were simply thrown into the woods and left to rot? Why? it depends. it would if i knew about it. 4714. Would you like to know the precise date of your future death? hell no. if it’s sooner than i expected i’d freak. 4715. Would you be willing to give up all television for the next 5 years if it meant 1,000 starving children in Indonesia would eat and get medicle care? if i could still stream shows and movies on my laptop i’d do it in a heartbeat. 4716. Name a close friend of the opposite sex: ok. Imagine they are from another country, visiting yours. Their visa is almost expired and if they get sent back to their country they may never get another visa to leave again. Would you marry them if after two years you could divorce them and they would be allowed to stay in your country? yes, i’d marry them. i chose my boyfriend lol. 4717. Do you always call/email in when you take a day off from schol or work? i always call at work. otherwise it’d be written down as an unexplained absence. 4718. A fatalist believes that the future is mapped out in a pattern. A causalist believes that every event is tied to a previous event. Neither believes in free will. An indeterminist believes in total free will. Which are you? not sure... a causalist i guess. 4719. Would you rather have a masters degree in ecconomics or creative writing? economics. 4718. Do you feel the need to defend the honor of your family and demand respect? always. they’re important to me. 4719. What do you think about that no one else thinks about? around my circle of friends... probably doing surveys lol. 4720. Which of the following best describes you: A laid back person who enjoys watching sports and playing with computers. An apathetic person who is open minded and passionate about music. A fiesty person who lacks an attention span. <----- this. Avant garde and over confident. 4721. Why are so many letters silent in French? that’s just the way it is? 4722. For all the freedoms that people in the United States enjoy what are some of the ways that these people oppress themselves willingly and why? idk. 4723. What, besides genetics and besides your environment and experiances, makes you what/who you are? i feel like that’s exactly what makes us who we are lol. 4724. What bands do your parents listen to that you: hate? anything hip hop. like? pop and older music. 4725. What do you find: impressive: a lot of things. skills, talents, knowledge. unimpressive: number of instagram followers lol. 4726. How easily do you understand Shakesphere? about halfway there. 4728. Translate into regular english: 'Romeo Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?' romeo romeo, why are you romeo? 4729. What's your favorite girl scout cookie? Is it made from real girl scouts? never tried them sadly. 4730. How do you open your car door when it freezes shut? it’s never been frozen shut. 4731. Why is it that 95 percent of the letters in french words are not pronounced? idk. 4732. What are you Dreading? work. 4733. When will your ship come in? what ship? 4734. Do you craete your art for free? i have before. 4735. The Pope's recent message to George Bush is 'Go into Iraq and you go without God'. What do you think of this quote? quite truthful. 4736. Have/would you ever taken a botany (plants) course? nope. 4737. Are you using your own computere or someone else's to take this survey? mine. 4742. Is it true what they say about Star Trek movies, that only evey other one is worth seeing? never seen any, so i can’t say. 4743. Someone once said, 'Every possible outcome of something takes place in a parallel universe. So there is free will, but your choises only determine which of those parallel universes you live in.' Your reaction? ok cool. 4744. Why do you think a man 25 or above might date a teenager? Why do you think a woman 25 or above might date a teenager? Any moral objections? i think it’s a weird territory for both sexes. i think it’s wrong until we’re all adults. 4745. Is there a difference between what is legal and what is ethical?Should there be? i think there is.  4746. Point out something obvious: we all make mistakes. Point out something that isn't obvious at all: there’s good and bad in everyone. 4747. How do you stay so thin? haha i don’t. 4748. When looking at a clear night sky what constallations can you locate? southern cross. 4749. What movie has the worst ending ever? The best ending ever? lol idk. 4750. Are you feelin' groovey? no. 4751. Oh the tangled web we weave when: idk. 4752. Do you own anything velevet? If yes, when you wear it can you keep from touching it? nope. 4753. Who have you been friends with the longest? How long have you two been friends? probably mel. 23 years. 4754. Who do you feel like you are in competition with? no one. 4755. Is american culture more like mexican culture or more like japanese culture and why do you think so? it can be a mix of both. i’m not american so i can’t say. 4756. What subject are you so familliar with that you could you write an FAQ (frequently asked questions) list about it? travel. What would one question on that list be? book everything myself or with a travel agent? What is the answer to that question? yourself, duh! 4757. 'Don't use the rules. They're not for you - they're for the fools and you're a fool if you don't know that. So use the rules you stupid fool' How do you feel about these Clash lyrics? cool. 4758. Are you for or against: Unconditional Religious tolerance? for. no religion preaches hate. World Peace Under One Government? against. Total Freedom? in between. Feminism? for. Love For all Creatures and People? for. Organized Religion? against. The Freedom to be Homophobic? i mean if you don’t go about spreading hate then whatever. The War on Terror? against. The Green Party? idk. 4759. Have you read any of Anne Rice's Sleeping Beauty books? If yes, what did you think of them? nope. 4760. Can you do any voices or impressions and if yes, what ones? no. 4761. Guys, is it true that gentlemen prefer blondes? Girls, do blondes really have more fun? no. 4762. Do you enjoy sneaking up on people? to scare them, sometimes. 4763. Do you often break plans? haha not usually. 4764. "Angry" and "hungry" are two words that end in "gry". There are three words in the English language. What is the third word? Everyone knows what it means and everyone uses it every day. Look closely and I have already given you the third word. What is it? hmm i don’t see it. 4765. Does anyone smoke in your home? If yes, does that bother you? just me. 4766. Have you ever actually seen a pink elephant? no. 4767. The answer to 4764 is "language". Did you get it? Get it now, then? nope. 4768. What was the most embaressing or crazy thing you ever dreamed? idk lol. 4769. Are you depraved (marked by corruption or evil; perverted)? no. 4770. Who or what comes to mind when youhear the words: the dangerous objects factory? the dude who says dude? the man in black? the catastrophy involving food? the duct tape incident? lame. 4771. In blackjack, do you often double down? only for 9, 10 or 11. 4772. Who's the big winner? idk. 4773. Who do you care more about, your close friend in elementary school that you lost touh with or your first lover? first lover. 4774. What's your favorite part of a cat? tail lol. 4775. What was on the last cd you burned? no idea, it’s been years. 4776. If you wanted to learn a new language would you consider buying a Disney movie in that language to pick up pronunciation? What Disney movie? aladdin. 4777. Is there a modern plague? What? flu? 4778. Are your baths and showers so hot that your skin gets red? no. 4779. When you dry your body after a shower do you dry your parts in the same order each time, almost automatically, or do you dry your prts in a random order each time, thinking about it while you're doing it? same parts like a routine. 4780. Do you feel like those who are speak a language around you that you can't understand are making fun of you? nah unless they’re obviouslly looking at me. 4781. If you were blindfolded and your love/partner was placed in a line of fifty people could you pick him or her out only by: touching the face of each person? yes. feeling one elbow of each person? no. smelling the breath of each person? no. licking the neck of each person? no ew lol. listening to the breathing of each person? no. psychically sensing each person? maybe. 4782. Close your eyes and turn your head towards the room you are in. Open your eyes. Describe the first object you see without telling what it is: it gives me cold air. 4783. What three questions will you never say NO to? do you want some money? do you want to eat? do you want me to drive? 4784. Would you like to see an American in Paris? haha why. 4785. Are you more of a couch or a scratching post? Is there a difference? couch. idk lol. 4786. What is more important, imagination or knowledge? knowledge at this point in time. 4787. Would you consider modern life to be rubbish? depends on how you’re living. 4788. What's the most sinful food? fried shit. 4789. Name one thing about yourself that you are excessivly proud of: idk lol. 4790. If you went to Hell (imagining there is one) rank these punishments in order of the one you would most prefer to the one you would least prefer. being broken on the wheel: being put in freezing water: being force fed rats and snakes: being smothered by brimstone and fire: being dismembered alive: being boiled in oil: being thrown into snake pits: no thanks. In my mind hell is not like this. It's just a place where all the interesting people go to drink, talk and tan. 4791. What other windows or websites do you have open on your computer right now? youtube, itunes. 4792. What kind of student were you in kindergarten? i was a troublemaker, curious but always willing to learn. 4793. What misjudgement do many people make about you? i’m mean. 4794. If you had been named according to your personality what would your name be? haha idk.  4795. What is made for kids but you love it anyway? board games. 4796. Do you believe that China shuld cease to occupy Tibet? idk. 4797. What is your opinion about the north american free trade agreement? idk much about it. If you don't know go here: http://forums.transnationale.org/viewtopic.php?p=502 4798. Dedicate a song to someone now. What song? no. To who? What line from that song most makes you think about this person? 4799. Can you live completely in the moment giving no thought to past or future? sure. 4800. Can you honestly say that nothing bothers you? haha hell no.