#this was really hard because there's so much subtlety in the expressions that I had to get

[luveline]

anything bombshell reader I would adore!!!

Oh my god, Spencer thinks desperately, could she give me a break? 

You waltz into the conference room wearing a smile (your smile, as heartbreakingly perfect as always) and a motorcycle jacket buttoned to the chin. There's something about it. Spencer doesn't know what it is, just that it makes you even more attractive than usual. He toys with the word sexy, and sure, you are when you want to be, but he thinks about it long and hard. You're a fucking bombshell, and you're going to kill him one day. 

“What's with the outfit?” Morgan asks immediately. 

“You can't wear that to the precinct,” Hotch says, though he sounds curious rather than annoyed. 

“You called us in unexpectedly,” you defend, holding up two perfect hands. Calluses from shooting practice line the palm of your dominant hand and you've a cut down the side of the other, and they're still perfect. Everything about you compliments everything else. “I was out.” 

“What, on your motorcycle?” JJ asks. 

“Your motorcycle?” Emily asks. 

“I didn't know you had a motorcycle,” Garcia says.

“You're ganging up on me. Spencer, honey, would you save me?” you ask, though the tone you use doesn't express much urgency as you unzip your thick jacket and toss it aside, its logos and sponsorships crumpling over the back of your chair. “You're the only one who looks pleased to see me.” 

“I am pleased to see you,” he says honestly. 

You don't make it to cases every time; you're on a different type of leasing, you always say. He doesn't have the subtlety to pretend he isn't happy you're here. You flirt with him, sure, and he enjoys it even while being out of his depths, but he likes you. You're fun and smart and good to be around. You listen. 

“They couldn't keep me away from you if they tried,” you say, head dipped gently to one side, smile far from teasing.. 

“Since when do you ride a motorcycle?” Emily asks. 

“If we could get back to the case at hand,” Hotch says, and for a moment everyone looks rightly chastised, until he adds, “we can discuss Y/N's choices afterwards.” 

What's worse than your jacket is the quickness of your brain, the connections you make, your endless suggestions. You're so good at your job it makes Spencer feel funny. Rossi, who'd been mostly silent during the exchange, sends Spencer a pitying look. 

When the case has been introduced and everyone sent to make preparations for another trip, you and Spencer remain in the conference room. You, because your go bag is already here and you don't have much to do, and Spencer, because you're here.

“Do you really have a motorcycle?” 

You tap your nose. “Need to know, babe.” 

“I sort of do need to know. If you have a motorcycle, I should probably be spending more time worrying about you.”

“Well, it's not mine.” 

He feels a crushing wave of rejection descend on him. “Right,” he says. He knew this would happen. He knew you were just being nice—

“I'm borrowing it from a friend. Mostly to see if I still knew how.” You put your chin in your hand, smiling knowingly. “Who's did you think it was, Dr. Reid?” 

“Don't do that,” he says. 

“Or what?” You ease up anyhow. “If you don't like being flirted with, Spence, I won't do it.” 

“I didn't say that, just don't– don't look at me like that.” 

You sigh morosely, but your dramatics are unconvincing, and a smile plays on your painted lips. “Alright, I won't. But it's how you were looking at me, you realise? How's that fair?” 

Spencer is about to say you know how, but do you really? Why is it fair for him to ogle you (albeit without meaning to) when you walk in, but when you make your soft googly eyes at him, he tells you to stop? Maybe because his are real, and yours are… questionable in authenticity. 

You're smart enough to see that debate before it forms. “I have less choice over it all than you think, you know?” you ask, softer than before. 

“I know,” he says. He doesn't, obviously, because the idea that you flirt with him accidentally is hard to accept, because who is Spencer to you? Your nerdy, socially clueless coworker who very clearly has a crush on you. Why would you like that? So he doesn't know about that, but he knows about having little choice in the manner; he sees you and he trips over himself trying to get you to see him. 

“I say it every time, but I've missed you, handsome. How have you been?” you ask. 

Spencer forgets the depth of his crush in the face of a friend. “I'm good, I've been reading all this Russian existentialist literature–” 

“Yeah? Anything good?” 

Spencer beams. “Actually, yeah. There's this one writer, you've probably read him already, Dostoevsky…”

[fumifooms]

I don’t like minimizing the importance and gravity of Laios and Toshiro’s fight into just being a childish squabble, even if to a degree it is framed that way, because to both of them it has a lot of personal significance and emotional weight and runs very deep to their characters… The fight isn’t nothing it’s a LOT, they made up but it’s not something easy to express and to get over for either of them which makes it all the more meaningful! I’m on both sides but there very much are sides, there’s no "they’re both having a ball, Toshiro and Laios hand in hand yay" side to the fight, that comes after

The fight with Toshiro WAS very scary to Laios, almost existentially so, but it’s moreso the "I thought I’d made a friend!!" bit and my god. My god actually

Like it’s not "just" about oh his friend liking him less than he thought, THAT IS SO MUCH. It’s a bond he thought he had being a lie it’s all the time and moments spent together either being a lie from his perspective or marred now looking back. It’s not only being upset at Toshiro for lying but upset at himself that he’s so easy to fool, it’s being upset that there’s something so wrong with you that you can’t even tell if your "close buddy" even actually likes you or not, it’s like. Holding my head. He can’t trust his own vision of events that happened do you see. There’s always this film of distrust that it could be a lie that should be there when he interacts with people there’s always this sense of cloak and dagger to expect backstabs out of nowhere because you CAN’T see it coming you CAN’T you CAN’T there’s something about you which makes it impossible so you CAN’T-

He’s so scared of not being able to read people. He knows it’s a weak spot he has, he’s always known. All of these bits are centered around social expectations and betrayals, the assumption that he doesn’t belong either in society or with other humans.

And Laios’ level of awareness is actually sort of complex to analyze, but it’s there, there’s how out of him and Falin he was the one sensitive to the ~aura of hatred~ he felt from the townspeople, there’s of course his nightmares whispering to him about the mocking looks, and how yeah actually he realizes that his gold stripper coworker was taking advantage of him. There’s of course the Winged Lion speech about his trauma and how he fundamentally mistrusts/dislikes humans to some deep seated degree, this distrust that he still keeps under control always. There’s how pre-canon he often wanted to suggest eating monsters but never worked up the courage to bring it up with the others. There’s how he gets across as stoic when he isn’t being enthusiastic…… We don’t know how aware and wary he is exactly in the moment but we do know he has some anxiety around social stuff, and looking back he does notice and aughh augh, the sense you have to hide yourself to not get hurt and be on your guard and shit and.

When you don’t know what to look out for and when to look out for it, the general ‘common sense’ of not always trusting people or noticing when someone’s messing with you becomes hypervigilance in social settings

"Man they really know what you hate huh". Being socially unaware literally plagues him, he knows, he knows it so well.

It’s so quick that it’s almost hard to digest how literal and blatant Laios summoning his monster to crush all the people who’ve hurt him is. His literal go-to coping mechanism for comfort in his literal monster-induced emotionally intense nightmares, saving him by taking away the upsetting element (the humans)

"Monsters are his coping fantasy, where they can whisk him away from humanity, all the hurt it’s caused him and its arbitrary rules" with the subtlety of a brick. Monsters are his comfort safe zone "because they kill humans" yes but no it’s because he pits them as the guardians against humans who to him are in the role of the agressors. To him they represent freedom from the shackles of what it means to be part of humanity, a fundamentally social species

[rockpaperimpala]

So about Netflix's the Last Airbender....

I am literally so confused you guys. You made me think I would HATE this show. And I LOVED it. Me. Known perfectionist and hater.

Katara was lovely. Yes, she started as a more soft spoken character than her cartoon version, but she was still passionate and hopeful throughout, just visibly unsure of herself. I think people were thrown off by this actress' natural way of expressing herself, which is Different from animated katara for sure, but not bad. Then she spends the whole season growing in Confidence and Fire. I Adored her fight with Paku, it really did feel like a payout of the whole season's development, and the bending kicked ass!

The Bending Kicked ass!!! The martial arts was fun and fast and creative and exciting! It looked SO good. That alone would be enough reason for me to watch and enjoy any show.

Zuko's actor was fantastic. He really captured the rage and confusion of this 16 year old banished prince. And there were so many Added moments between him and Iroh wich to me enriched their relationship. Like YES! This is why I'm watching, to see more of them, to see things done a little differently.

Iroh facing the consequences of his actions at Ba Sing Se!! That's what I'm here for!

Zuko's relationship with the men on his ship! That's what I'm here for!

The Extra layers we get to Ozai manipulating his children!

Also no one is talking about Admiral Zhao, who I had SO much fun with. I feel like they slightly fleshed out his character in a really dramatic way, really developing the hubris and frankly insane grasping ambition of someone who would kill the moon. I completely enjoyed this wilder, less controlled version of him, who comes up through the season from basically nothing and no one!

I am OBSESSED with King BUMI and his anger and disillusionment with the world! Like this was SO real. Living a hundred years of futile war would do that!!!! It is one of my favorite changes to the whole series. This new layer of emotion and character depth is what I'm here for!

Sokka was SO funny. He literally had me laughing out loud so often. That actor GETs Sokka, and GETS the way his humor is delivered. And is also able to tap into the more vulnerable side of him. People said he was "obsessed" with leadership. WHAT? That is a young person trying desperately to do his best and to try and find his place in the world, to figure what he has to offer. I loved his pride at hearing the Mechanist say that he would make a good engineer, and the sweetness of the moment that Yue's father says that he can be a hero without being a warrior. Sokka does so much growth in this series, in understanding himself and life.

And his chemistry with Suki was adorable!! I even like him and Yue (who was a totally unexpected sweetheart, despite her terrible wig)!! Like he has that same ability that Sokka has in the original to Connect with people.

Aang was great! He WAS fun loving and sweet and funny. I don't know what you guys wanted. Cartoons are always bigger and more exaggerated than live action. People's eyes swell up an, birds fly around their heads, and there are funny sound effects. That larger than life quality is the strength of animation! You have to look for different strength in live action. Like the SUBTLETIES of the acting choices. This little actor brought so much kindness, innocence, and strength to Aang.

And I FELT his frustration at being asked to do this at 12, his fresh hope anytime it looked like someone more experienced would be able to help him and no one did, and that's why he didn't learn waterbending this season, because he kept waiting for an freaking ADULT to show him the way, to help him carry this immense burden, but every adult he meets asks him for help instead, asks him to carry it himself, and then the finale hits and he realizes that there won't be any adults helping, he does have figure this out himself, and he makes the hard choice, takes on responsibility more than his years and offers himself to the ocean spirit, and he might have been lost entirely if not for Katara!

And that counter running theme to the show pays off: that he doesn't have to do it alone. He may not have more experienced guidance, because the adults have let him down again and again, but his friends will be with him, and they will figure it out together!

This is there throughout the series! Katara tells him this about learning waterbending, when he says he still wants to wait. Bumi tells him this in the palace at Omashu, and Aang sees the faith he has in his friends repaid!

I like these changes! And the show still found time for silly fun adventures and character building moments.

The show was never going to be the animated original. That is already a Masterpiece, and it frankly did NOT need to be adapted at all. I did not WANT a live action adaptation. I was adamantly convinced I would hate it. But the changes that they netflix show gave are what I Iike most about it. If I want to see Zuko say "you rise with the moon, I rise with the sun," I will go watch the animated original, because that version is perfect. And now, if i want to see Zuko say "Lu ten would have been proud to have you as a father," and see iroh pull him into a tight hug, I can watch this live action version, which is very good too. I'm going to disagree with most of the people on here and say that the Netflix's Avatar: The Last Airbender, DOES capture the heart of what we liked about the original show. It's spirit, fun, excitement, and characters. And the changes made are the reason we should be watching.

[zhuoyichenpretty]

Ep 25 Commentary

“難受嗎？難受就對了[...]卓大人，你習慣就好。” Is it difficult to bear? Good [...] Zhuo Daren, you'd better get used to it. —Zhao Yuanzhou, Ep. 1

Oh my god what the fuck ep 25. Ohhh my god. I don't think I ever stopped going "holy shit oh fuck" for the entire forty minutes. My head is in my hands. Why is FoF experimenting with onscreen physical/emotional/mental whump at a frequency and intensity previously unknown to man? To my favorite character? 我前輩子得罪了誰？？(Who did I wrong in my previous life??)

Quote from ep 1 because I had just re-watched it earlier in the day and those words came back to me not with any particular use towards interpretation but just as a characterization of—all of this. It is indeed difficult to bear.

Spoilers incoming.

Also spoiler for how I feel about this episode in case the sound of me wailing in lament in the distance makes it unclear: It was probably one of the most effective episodes for me thus far, personally. It struck many, many chords and did not stop for breath at all.

Honestly I'm kind of at a loss for words because I really, truly, did not expect shit would get so much worse for ZYC so incredibly rapidly. The speed with which the situation deteriorated broke the fucking sound barrier (I'm exaggerating, I'm being dramatic, but jfc I wasn't prepared). I apologize in advance if any of my reactions become a little bit repetitive, there are only so many ways I can express continuous distress and shock and despair.

My stomach dropped during the watchman attack scene. I can't believe how effective it was for me, this moment coming at the heels of ep 24, how that episode was a whole meditation on the goodness of ZYC's heart, his gentle and sensitive nature, the reasons why everyone loves him, the way things are bad but they will not break us and we may lose heart individually but we will persevere together.

And then in one single moment, all of that is threatened and very nearly destroyed. I felt every one of ZYC's dry heaves.

This drama is not one I necessarily go to for subtlety of intention, so the fact that I really had no inkling how at-risk ZYC's irreproachability would be in the coming episode despite being very invested in his arc made it all the more shocking and well-done, personally. They set him up as high as they could so they could tear him down as thoroughly as possible in an instant, and I did not notice the set-up at all.

I also have to say, I really appreciate PSJ. How quickly she cut to the chase about what he'd seemingly done, how she'd said the things that aren't just hard to hear but also hard to say. Because that's exactly what ZYC will care the most about. It seems to me her righteousness helped keep his own intact. In such a moment of complete and utter vulnerability and devastation, her moral clarity is as terrible as it is necessary and true to ZYC's belief system, just when it is most susceptible to collapse. And I say this not to mean that I think he is culpable for the supposed attack, given how much discussion the show goes into about culpability or lack thereof when not in one's right mind, but just that I find PSJ's moral compass to most closely align with ZYC's beliefs as he has been carrying them out throughout the show, and she keeps him from contradiction in a moment when it may be on everyone else's mind to spare him from the double-edged blade of his own righteousness. (Also, I may be reading too far into WX's statement later on that PSJ protected ZYC with her decision, but it could be interpreted that WX agrees or understands that as well on some level.)

And the fucking fact that all this takes place in front of a shrine for the Righteous God of Virtue and Blessing. As I said, I'm speechless.

(Speechless, she says, as she continues to ramble.)

Ouughhhhhh the reversals. ZYZ draping the cloak on ZYC this time. Fuck. The dungeon. Oh god. The way ZYZ loses more and more of his facade of calm, even just from his somewhat tense but understated distress in ep 24 to this unblinking, almost unseeing stare at ZYC in shackles.

Also, I'm glad for the moment PSJ and WX have to themselves once ZYZ proves ZYC's innocence. The way we get to see them navigating a situation so dire together despite its potential to push them utterly apart. PSJ's near-silent delivery of "friend" fucking kills me. It's loaded with so much emotion that neither the voice nor the term can truly handle that weight. That's art to me.

And then oh god, the Tianxiang Pavilion scene. I don't even know what to say. How everything spirals completely out of control. How we literally watch ZYC's worst nightmares play out. WX's first shout, the way I don't feel like I've heard that particular shade of emotion in her voice up until now, even with everything they've been through. Honestly, each of their expressions as the mob began to jeer and before they were separated was so effective. Ying Lei's indignation, PSJ's alarm, ZYZ's agitation, WX's fury. And the palpable panic as the crowd surged around them and pulled them apart.

I've watched this whole scene three times now. Every actor is giving their all here, and it's so impressive because this isn't at all the usual context of their angst and heartbreak. This isn't a decisive battle over life and death. The range of tragedy stretches so far in this kind of fantastical drama and yet they are able to create such tension and emotion that the shock of that first egg thrown has all the impact of a fatal wound. And it's worse in some ways because it means so little to an outsider and everything to this family.

That rage and helplessness in WX as she wipes ZYC's face and asks who threw it, when she says if the crowd goes any further, they'll fight back—her delivery is so raw. When I heard her lines, I felt the fantasy genre completely slip away for a moment and it became absolutely personal. Like, this point is getting a little away from mere commentary so please forgive the brief aside but those are words I can hear in my own family's voices.

Then, watching the very last vestiges of ZYZ's composure fully crumble away in real-time. God, I wish I could say something more substantive about ZYZ's entire reaction because it's so so good but I'm feeling levels of angst I truly don't know how to convey, which is really saying something given how much of an essay I usually write despite claiming I'm speechless.

Just. The way this is the most desperate and near-breaking we have ever seen them, in a completely different manner than the grief that has come before.

Alright, and then, the juxtaposition of the mob and the cheering crowd around ZYC?—yeah, that's when I started sobbing. As I've said before, the effectiveness, the efficiency, of TJR's acting. The way we can read every emotion off of young ZYC's face: his awkward pride, his self-consciousness, his bashful happiness. Even though this is a memory only recently and fleetingly alluded to in the previous episode and this is a ZYC we have never actually met, we know him and all his mannerisms and expressions so well. He is so alive with his character and so familiar, and then we cut back and, god, how unrecognizable everything is now. That absolutely broke me.

Finally, ZYC and Li Lun's conversation. Again, so so good and again, not sure I can offer much substance in my commentary to do it enough justice. I've been writing this commentary for over three hours now, so if my coherence is petering out, I do apologize.

This is so much of what I wanted and didn't even know I wanted from them, simply because they've been kept apart by the plot for so long. To see some of this come to pass is so satisfying. For Li Lun to claw so desperately at ZYC and try to bring him down, what that means about how he views ZYC's role in ZYZ's life right now. That this is twofold, to ruin ZYC and to be understood, and how he can never get the latter if he is still holding onto the former, wanting to pull others into the abyss rather than seeking a way to perhaps be pulled out of it. Li Lun is so precise in his brutality towards ZYC, digging his fingers directly into the worst of ZYC's fears, and yet ZYC is so insanely clear-eyed and incorruptible and incisive with his words in a way Li Lun has never experienced or had to combat (ZYC, articulate king fr). And for all of Li Lun's bluster as he continually makes to take the physical and conversational upper hand, how quickly that becomes a pitiful immaturity when ZYC truly fights back (in defense of ZYZ). Yan An plays this part so well, when he's looking up at ZYC.

And seriously, talk about ZYC delivering just the most on point monologues to struggling characters ever (ZYZ, Bai Jiu, now Li Lun), and doing all that after the day he's had?? To be honest, I don't know what direction this conversation will push Li Lun. I can see it go either way because yeah ZYC just basically rubbed in his face how alone and pitiable he is and how he'll never get what he wants out of ZYC, but at the same time I've never seen Li Lun so close to understanding why he has ended up alone, nor look so desperate enough to not be that he might end up making a different choice for himself. And just as Li Lun is that mirror showing ZYC the darkness of the abyss, ZYC must be reflecting to Li Lun how bright the dawn could be. (Oh the inextricable nature of character foils.) Even though ZYC has denied Li Lun the understanding he wants, he has seen through Li Lun so thoroughly that that is an understanding in itself.

And then oh my god. The reverting to Bai Jiu's voice and body. One of the most top-tier narrative choices ever. Li Lun, deconstructed by ZYC completely, is really so unbearably young in his heartache.

Okay, I think that's all I have to offer. I'm so wrung out, and I apologize if the quality of the commentary declined in the second half, but I hope some of this was enjoyable to read!

[multiplicationdivision]

Boots and All

Eddie knew he shouldn’t have been so careless with his favorite pair of boots. He’d just shrugged them off like any day, unfortunate considering they’d been lost in the chaos of cleaning out his closet, probably having fallen or absent mindedly placed in one of the many boxes he’d brought to the local second hand store.

Now his own face stared back at him, the same complex mixture of expressions battling there like it probably did on his own. Surprise all the same, although his copy’s was tainted by something like shame or bashfulness, face grimacing in being caught in the act. Further complicated by the eyes shooting cautious glances up and down Eddie, drinking him in.

The shamelessness in the guy was quickly fading though. Eddie wasn’t really a shameful type.

Likely the guy was just some poor young man who’d tried on his old pair of boots and had his young DNA completely overwritten by Eddie’s complete load stored in that worn leather. It was a trend with anyone with too much contact with him, although no one had such a dosage. Mostly people just came away with a slight rugged charm or a strange new proclivity towards manual labor.

“Hey Handsome” his clone finally decided on, rougish and confident. The guy seemed to wallow in Eddie-ness and unfortunately for the original, was already ahead in merely his stance. It made his mind go places. “Didn’t expect to find Eddie 1.0 so soon, although I can’t say your memories are very up to date”, the other guy said, taking a step back to get a better view. Eddie would feel almost like he was being dissected by the guy’s view, but he’d done the same hungry analysis of his body in the mirror hundreds of times.

This was better than the mirror. 3D, showing off every curve and tight twist of clothing around hard fought muscle. A replication of his work clothes hung off the other guy, torn to shreds and likely very easy to tear away. They’d be able to make short work of it.

“I’d imagine I could be convinced to give you an update” Eddie thought of just how that would work, but if his sweat had done this transformation, he’s sure just a little more would perfect the job.

He wondered how deep they could make this replication. The guy already stood like him, crossed his arms like him. The voice and tone perfect, complete with the way he readjusted his dick unsubtly.

“I know you Eddie, got it all downloaded by your boots. Our boots now I guess. Can’t say you’ll need much convincing. We’ve dreamed of something like this for ages.” the other guy spoke, referencing years of past loves where they never seemed to get him, back before Eddie had been overpoweringly himself. Years of work on himself had wrought this oddity he guessed.

Eddie wondered who this other guy used to be. Probably less than an hour ago he’d been a completely different person. Had maybe strolled in the shop for cheap boots only to be reconfigured completely. It was an existentially troubling idea, but Eddie was never the moral type. Just curious.

“Because I can practically read your mind Eddie, you are an upgrade. Trust me, I was far from a catch” He said, closing the space. Shoving his hand into Eddie’s shorts in a way that would certainly not fly as public subtlety, as far as their probably guise as being impossibly similar identical twins would cut it. Calloused hands scratched his stomach before reach down into his pocket and thieving his car keys. “Went by Robbie, was something like a stoner college drop out. Not much else to say besides that, went into this shop to try at a construction job.”

“Do you want me to call you Rob then?” Eddie offered, mind trying to control his erection as the other guy jokingly knocked his tent, threatening Eddie’s control over not cumming so quick into a narcisistic fantasy.

“Fuck no, couldn’t stand being the guy. Hated every second of that life.” They stalked over to his (their?) truck, dodging onlookers in the parking lot as best as 2 horny 61/2 foot men could. Eddie’s soundness sneakers behind his clone’s heavy gait. His clone pulled himself into the driver’s seat, already pulling on Eddie’s sunglasses and revving the engine as if to enunciate further how easily he fit into his role.

Eddie agreed with the guy. His life was certainly better. Their life was going to be so much better.

Eddie leaned on the glove box as his duplicate effortlessly sped their boxy heavy duty truck out. Just to lightly touch his elbow to his clone’s. Watch the way the guy’s eyes twitched as whatever sweat he’d left on the stearing wheel from todays humid day poured Eddie’s white hot memories on whatever sad pile of Robbie remained. The other him appeared to glow with energy at every moment, accelerating and obviously glancing back at his original as he sped. Searching Eddie, hungry for something like approval.

Eddie would make sure the guy got a full dosage of his own enthusiasm when their truck rattled into their drive way. Eddie mind was already racing with the possibilities and if his DNA was working like it seemed to be, he was sure the other guy shared them all.

The future was going to be nebulous, but there were some certainties. Eddie would fuck the rest of the clearly unwanted alien bits of another man out of that extension of himself. They’d fall asleep after a day or so of that, just to make sure the job was good and done. They’d wake up and the clone would go to work, only so the next night they could see how much they could meld their memories together given the guy would now share his infectious DNA. Probably a lot more fucking after that. Maybe spend the weekend not completely lost to themselves, try out everything he loved as a pair. His life becoming domestic.

The uncertain bits were there, not yet decided but almost certain. Eddie had gone to trade school but he fancied himself a scientist. Experiments needed to be replicable, observations re-observed. Eddie seemed to be very replicable now himself and with now 2 Eddie’ worth of curiosity, he was sure they’d buckle to the temptation eventually.

Thrift stores could always use a quality pair of reliable boots and the world could certainly use a couple more quality men.

————————————————————

Inspired by the older man clone tf stories by @dante2045 highly recommend those if you haven’t read them.

[worldunbent]

chapter notes - tanuma kaname

a compilation of all of midorikawa's chapter notes concerning tanuma (as of volume 29)

all are from the official viz releases, translated by lillian olsen.

Chapter 3 - Natsume vs Human I wanted a bit of a break, so l did this episode the way l wanted (one can only hope). A lot of stories about exterminating yokai exist, so I wanted to do a story about punishing humans. In chapters 1 and 2, Natsume spent more time with yokai than with humans, so having him make a friend was another one of my priorities. I wanted the reader, at the end of the episode, to be happy that he made a friend (Natsume would blush). So I hope it worked out. I hope I will be able to include stories like this sometimes.

Special Episode 4 - Natsume Observation Log 3 Tanuma hadn't shown up in a while, and I had thought that he and Natsume would have a good relationship by now. But when I started on the episode, I discovered that they were still pretty awkward with each other. I’m used to Natsume smiling and talking about neutral topics, but it was fun drawing Natsume getting flustered and making the wrong decision in a conversation. It's hard to work Tanuma into the plot since Natsume never goes to him when he's involved in yokai business. I cut his bangs to "expand his world view," but people said he looked better with longer hair (l rarely get requests from readers on how the characters look), so l grew them out.

For reference - Tanuma's first appearance:

Tanuma's second appearance:

Tanuma in this Special Episode:

[three panels cropped to show close-ups of tanuma's hair. in the first, his bangs fall over his eyes. in the second, they are significantly shorter. in the third, they are longer again, but no longer blocking his eyes quite as much.]

Chapters 28 - 29 - Reflections I kept missing opportunities to do an episode on Tanuma, because I was afraid I couldn't give him the time and attention he deserves. Then I was assigned a two-part episode, so l knew this was my chance. I feel that Natsume is embarrassed because he wants to get closer, but is just not used to that kind of thing. This time, he found out how it feels to be the one being avoided. These colleagues all know about the existence of yokai, but when he's with Mr. Natori, Natsume wants to take a step forward. With Tanuma and Taki, the difference is a desire to take a step back. I hope I can depict such subtlety. I also realized how fun it is to draw the interactions between students.

Chapters 42 - 43 - Sealed I’ve always wanted to draw the trio of Natsume, Tanuma and Taki hanging out. Before, Tanuma thought he might be a little crazy, but Natsume affirmed what used to be an unstable world for him. Natsume’s existence was basically his salvation, but he realizes that he can’t be much help to Natsume. It's a dilemma he’ll have to keep facing as his friend. On the other hand, I’ve discovered that Taki, who also can’t see but knows Natsume’s circumstances, is delighted at the things she discovers. It’s difficult but fun to draw these three together. I was also happy drawing Taki’s empty house, images of a white ghost flapping in the darkness, and small yokai hopping and frolicking about.

Chapters 49 - 51 - Beyond the Glass Tanuma wants to help and tries to help, but he can’t. The more he tries to take action, the more he comes up against this wall. Natsume gradually realizes that while he wants to talk to Tanuma, it also puts him in a dilemma. Seeing this, Natori wants to say, “I told you so,” but he hopes that Natsume will be able to succeed where he failed. I was also excited that I could draw Sensei/Natsume with expressions that he doesn’t usually make. Natsume is really not very expressive with his face.

Volume 14 (Sidebar Note) When the name and the face fit perfectly as I start working on a character, it usually develops from there as I expect. But Tanuma didn't easily become fast friends with Natsume as I planned. He seems endlessly nervous. He's actually quite calm, but when Natsume's around, he becomes nervous trying to become better friends with him, making Natsume also nervous in the process. He's difficult to figure out. But it's a new experience, so he's fun to draw.

Chapters 57 - 59 - Unchanging Form I came up with this story that would've been an ordinary day for Reiko. It might've been a big deal for Natsume or the yokai, but it was nothing special for her. Natsume started panicking that something precious to him would be taken. You can imagine what a person would pick, but the rules are different with yokai. The scope of possibilities is too big, making it difficult to predict. I had fun imagining what I would take if I were Yew Urn. The Fujiwaras are important to him even though he hasn't been able to tell them everything. Tanuma was the first person in this town he was able to talk to about being able to "see" things, who was able to understand without being able to "see" himself. I hope Natsume will be able to sort his feelings while telling him about the yokai.

Chapters 66 - 67 - Far-off Festival Lights Natsume and Tanuma both want to spend time together simply as normal friends, but the difference in their ability to see is unavoidable. Natsume shared his secret with Tanuma, but Nishimura and Kitamoto still don't know. Tanuma sees that he can't have that relaxed relationship anymore that they can have with Natsume. And Natsume, seeing Tanuma turn pale with every little occurrence, is probably less inclined to ever tell the others. I wanted to see what would happen if they were all hanging out together. I was also happy to finally include the story about Tanuma and Mrs. Ito, but I wish I could've made it longer.

Chapter 74 - The Two Terrors I wanted to do an episode where Natsume takes a different tone of voice than usual, so I picked Shibata, since I consider him to be a semi-regular cast member. There are a lot of stories I want to do, or characters I want to revisit, but this is my first time working on such a long series, so I have no idea how to reintroduce characters and story lines or how to time it. So there are many ideas gathering dust, but I'd like to see how it goes and do another one like this. I also want to draw more of Tanuma, but it's important for Natsume to not go to see Tanuma when there are yokai involved, so it's quite a dilemma. But I'd like to include the idea that they loaf around on those mundane days that can't be included in a manga. It was fun drawing Shibata in a panic.

Chapter 78 - Tsukihigui I wanted Natsume to have different reactions that usual, so I picked a story not in the past or in the present, but a weird in-between. I debated a lot whether to have little Natsume be taken care of by the Yatsuhara yokai or the humans Tanuma and Taki. But upon further reflection, since Nyanko sensei is yokai, Tanuma and Taki would have a different approach to the situation and be more fun. It would've been interesting to go to Natori and have all three of them stare at each other with furrowed brows, but I discovered that whereas Natori would have a difficult time adapting to a situation like this, the students would display steadier nerves.

Chapters 85 - 86 - The Front Noren I wanted to use the premise that the front and back of an object can have different meanings. Such a simple but unshakable fact could be very interesting. I wanted Natsume and Sensei to hang out more with Tanuma and Taki, but once yokai get involved, there's the dilemma that only those who can see yokai should be the ones taking action, so I had to carve up the story a lot. I even wondered if I should depict them relaxing in the hot springs, or whether that kind of thing was appropriate for the occasion. I thought I could get through the scenario quickly while I wrote out the plot with prose, but once I started drawing, I wondered if I could get through it without questioning everything. Natsume has started to get nerves of steel against yokai, but I still want him to be careful when it comes to his dear friends having close encounters with yokai.

Chapter 87 - Natsume in the Moonlight This one was 30 pages, so it was compact, but I wanted to make something that was a little creepy. You know how it's exciting to see a friend late at night, in a different light? This story couldn't be done with Tanuma, who knows Natsume's circumstances. It was only possible with Nishimura, who wouldn't question who the person in front of him was. If Natsume went to visit Kitamoto at night, he'd panic, scold him and send him home. And Tanuma would notice that something was off and cross-examine him. It would get even more out of hand with Natori, causing a domino effect. Though all of them would be fun and exciting. I only realized after the fact that someone who knows about Natsume's circumstances would make things more complicated in this type of story.

Chapters 97 - 98 - A Suspicious Visitor Tanuma, who stands by Natsume, may not be able to see yokai like his friend, but he has his own special abilities that other people do not possess. At the same time, there are things that can never be the same. When I draw Tanuma, I feel like Natsume is trying to close the distance between them for a change. You'd think they'd be great buddies by now, but there's still a bit of awkwardness. It's strange to blame it on Tanuma, but there it is. I'm just happy I got to work on this story, since I've had the idea ever since I drew the illustration for the afterword of the volume where he made his first appearance.

Afterword illustration from volume 1:

[a black-and-white illustration of misuzu in their usual horse-like form and tanuma]

Chapters 103 - 104 - Where Vessels Lie in Slumber* I was so happy to work on a longer story for once. My head starts filling up with what to do next while I'm still working on the current episode when I'm in one-shot mode. But being able to linger on a story arc reminded me of the excitement I felt back when I first wanted to be a manga artist. I still have a lot of storylines I'd prefer not to cut short, so I hope I get more opportunities like this. I've wanted to do this particular story for a long time, but. I feel like it could only be done now because of how Natsume's currently feeling. I hope you can pick up on how Natori and Matoba's relationship changes subtly depending on the situation, and that you get a feel for their solidarity as exorcist peers. It was so fun drawing everything I wanted to include: Natsume's faith in his friends; Natori's belief that he can still offer help even as an exorcist; Matoba, who's sometimes prevented from action because he knows and sees too much; Tanuma, who's surely able to help, but is unable to accompany Natsume; the cats protecting their secret; Nyanko Sensei. And of course there were even more things I wanted to expand on, so I'll take my time working them out.

*The first three chapters of this arc are in the previous volume and there's not enough in the other note for me to include.

Chapter 112 - The Three Pictures and the Peculiar Afternoon Tea You can have the desire to help people you care about, but I think it takes a lot of courage to take that first step to offer it. I can see Tanuma and Natsume fumbling about in this regard, but I feel that Taki would have an easy time confiding in Natsume when she's in trouble. The premise was to have someone appear just as Natsume and friends had a spread of pictures on their table at a cafe. The content changes drastically depending on who shows up, so I simulated a lot of scenarios. It was a good opportunity to think about all sorts of situations.

Chapters 117 - 118 - By Invitation of the Queen "Ghosts in a mansion" is one of my favorite tropes. I feel this chapter made sense because of the usual preexisting flow of the story. I wanted to stuff in more things, like Natsume being intimidated by the room full of women but not getting distracted because Tanuma was by his side. Even in a simple story unrelated to the main plot, having two focus characters meant there were things that only Natsume or Tanuma noticed. It was fun and difficult to work on.

[demaparbat-hp]

hi dema! i’m learning how to do digital art, would you mind sharing your coloring process? coloring (and lineart) is the hardest thing for me to do T_T… what brushes do you use for coloring and how do you not make it look muddy? i’ve been trying to follow tutorials from different artists on youtube but i find my work to look so muddy… thank u in advance >__<

Hi, and thank you for thinking about me for advice! I'm honoured to share a bit of my process, nerve-wracking as that is for my shy self, and hopefully help you out as much as I can. Forgive me if I don't express myself very clearly—I have a bit of a hard time explaining these things. Now, let's get started, shall we?

I'll be using the first panel of this artwork as an example.

My process is pretty straight-forward for most artworks. Make a sketch, draw the lineart, and follow a self-made guideline for coloring and rendering.

Sometimes I'll throw the guideline to the trash bin and start experimenting with brushes and chiaroscuro and color palettes, but that doesn't happen most of the time and, when it does, it's more a challenge than anything else, and not really what I think you're looking for.

I'll include my usual steps here, however, and like I said earlier, these steps are more like what you'd call guidelines than actual rules.

(I just realized I didn't save the sketch for this artwork. Oops)

This is the lineart!

I tend to think that details bore me and are actually pretty exhausting to do, but then I go and make things as clear and detailed as I can. Because I'm a hypocrite like that.

I did try to keep things simple here, though, mostly because I had to go through three other panels and didn't want to burn out my fuel mid-process.

Base colors! The blush (and Zuko's scar!) I draw in a different layer in case I need adjusting the brightness or saturation later.

It's time for shadows!

Pick a color depending on the atmosphere you want the artwork to have. Is it a cozy, warm scene in a honey-tinted room, or is it a moment shared under the moonlight? The color choice should come as an answer to those questions—deep red for the first one and dark blue for the second.

Choose a color and make it dark and saturated. Then, play with the layer opacity! A darker shadow means harsher light, while less opacity works best for a softer look. See the difference? It's subtle, but it's there.

Of course, this is my personal choice. The way shadows are drawn and color is chosen depends on the artist and the artwork. I choose to play with a more simple coloring style, keeping shadows from blending into each other, but you may like a more realistic approach to shadows and colors.

My best advice? Try doing it every way you can, but in the end choose what works best for you. Whatever feels more comfortable, whatever you enjoy drawing the most. And then work to improve it. Love the little proof that you've gotten better, even if it's subtle.

And talking about subtlety...

I love to play with gradients. I use them mostly to give the artwork some form of atmosphere, and make it look cohesive and whole. A light gradient in the color and direction of the shadows will help the characters blend with the background, as will another gradient in lighter colors for the light.

Get creative with gradients! Use them so the lights feel brighter and the shadows darker.

Now it's time to work with the lineart again.

The pure black lineart makes the artwork look harsher, sharper, so I tend to give it some color to soften its edges and compliment the rest of the drawing. In darker shades as the rest of the colors, growing more saturated as the light comes closer.

I love to make the characters' eyes pop and glow! It's really fun what you can do by just messing a bit with the tones of the lineart.

Finally, I play with the level correction. A high contrast will help your artwork stand out and look brighter. See the difference?

And it's done!

Sometimes I like to add other effects or details, but this is the very, very rough shape of my usual process, and thus what I thought you'd like to see.

Once again, I'd like to point out that this is what works for me, and a large part of improving as an artist is just fooling around and messing up until you find the tools and tricks you're most comfortable with.

So keep drawing those muddy shadows and colors! They're only a step of the process.

[desire-mona]

ramble post

im actually not the most gigantic fan of the wizard of oz MOVIE, not because its bad or because of the bts abuse or whatever else. to me i just dont really like it.. being a musical i guess? NOW HOLD ON WAIT because the songs are great and i adore the choreography but. like i was watching it and i was like Man the dialogue and movement of the characters (outside of song) seems really unnatural and dramatic I Wonder Why. at first i was like well its 1939 what do u expect and then i remembered that its a musical and thats just What Musicals Are Like. gotta play it all up for the stage cuz ppl cant see in depth facial expressions yadda yadda yadda, i just dont really like it as much when translated to screen a lot of the time. which is weird because theatrical stage acting translated to screen is the exact reason WHY i like robert sean leonard's acting, though theres a big difference between wilson theatrical and dorothy theatrical. like the stage acting experience made rsl's facial expressions and mannerisms MUCH easier to read, but its played up tenfold in oz where Yes i can tell exactly what each character is thinking, but there arent as many nice lil subtleties. anyway i wish i liked that theatrical style of film more bc i feel like im missing out and now im just land locked to like.... rocketman? i guess? im just not a big musical person in general, especially not musical theatre, again not that i dislike it i just feel like the theatrics ruin my immersion unfortunately

the dialogue specifically in the book is very touch and go for me tbh. its very simple, which is expected from a children's book written in 1900, but i feel like its repetitive almost? not as in the characters say the same thing all the time, but the way they say it is the same thru the whole book. in moderation its fine and again this is very trivial, but i can only take so much

"i must blah blah blah blah blah, for i blah blah blah blah blah"

there's a lot of for's which i find endearing on its own but not when its said 50 monillion times. however the illustrations are the cutest sweetest little things in the universe let me show my favs

do you understand. do you understand why i love book dorothy so much. SHES JUST A BABYYYYY!

also also tin man lore goes crazy! he used to be a real guy and he fell in love with this munchkin woman, but didnt have the money to marry her, so he worked real hard chopping trees (woodsman) to get the money. for whatever reason that i dont actually remember, he pissed off a bad witch (i dont remember if it was east or west but i believe east) and got cursed to keep CHOPPING OFF HIS DAMN LIMBS bc her ass really did not want him to marry his lady. anyway he kept chopping off his limbs and this tinsman was like I Will Replace Them With Tin so he DID. after all his limbs got replaced he chopped off his HEAD, got that replaced with tin, THEN CUT HIMSELF IN HALF and got his torso replaced as well. after he no longer had his old body, and therefore his heart, he lost all his love for the munchkin woman. THATS WHY HE WANTS HIS HEART BACK HE WANTS TO LOVE HIS LADY AGAIN!!!!! but she doesnt get mentioned again so that kinda sucks tbh....

i have redesigns of all the characters as well as plotline edits and stuff in my mind but im more than likely not gonna do anything with em so ill post what i said to monty here

idk i rly like the wizard of oz and im excited to read the other 4 oz novels i have in this book AND THEN I ALSO HAVE WICKED im gonna read wicked after too. i know the wicked book is supposedly kinda freaky (idk in what way everyone been really vague when i asked) but im a full grown adult so i can handle it. but im mostly just excited to see all the cute illustrations in the rest of the book

[mappingthesky]

burning through you - part 4

hi bbs <3 here's part 4 of the werk room drabble, which I am now calling 'burning through you' as it is turning into a lengthy fic! i'm very proud of this chapter, i hope you love it as much as i do <3

Day Five

By the fourth smirk Morphine gave her that morning, Jane was about ready to smack it off her face. 

She’d been in a bad mood since the main stage the night before. Something about Morphine catching a glimpse of her in a moment of uncommon softness had Jane feeling like she’d been caught. Like an animal in a trap, she was about ready to gnaw her fucking leg off.

She had settled for gnawing at Amanda instead, which was all too easy. Jane was bothered and Amanda was there and looking like that. Could anyone really blame her? Besides, Jane needed to maintain her reputation, if only to Morphine.

Jane considered her bitchy remarks the balancing out of her brief stint in vulnerability. Amanda was merely the victim, looking busted at the wrong place at the wrong time. Of course, Amanda was oblivious to this, and made the rookie mistake of taking anything Jane said personally. Morphine’s jaw hitting the floor just barely made the argument worth it. Jane got bored of talking in circles very quickly, and fuck, Amanda could talk.

Jane knew it wasn’t fair coming for Amanda like that. Her real gripe was with Morphine, the only one here who knew Jane in the outside world. Whatever inexplicable emotional hold Nymphia was developing over Jane may not yet be noticeable to anyone else, but she worried her friend may be more sensitive to Jane’s subtleties than the rest. She’d be damned if she would be discovered as having a weakness. The thought terrified Jane. If anyone else was to catch a glimpse of her panic, a fragment of her discomfort, it could undo the illusion of herself she'd so carefully built up. Embroiling herself in a feud had seemed to Jane ample testament to her toughness, yet there was that same, knowing smile on Morphine’s face the next morning. Seeing it, Jane was suddenly all too aware of the girl in the yellow hoodie hovering somewhere over her right shoulder. She silently cursed whatever force kept bringing them together.

Morphine had suggested they work together in the challenge that day. Jane shut them down fast. That wiped the smile off Morphine’s face alright. Jane would feel bad later, for now she was keeping her friends far, far away.

Working with Megami was strategic, and not just because Jane was confident she could out-perform her. Megami had been sitting beside Jane when Nymphia had elicited Jane’s first defensive response towards her. She would consider crushing her in this challenge to be damage control.

Jane ended up having much more fun than she thought she would. She enjoyed losing herself in a character. It reminder her of why she was here in the first place. She emerged from line-reading feeling lighter. It occurred to her then that she hadn’t thought about Nymphia in a suspiciously long while. Weird. Glancing around the room, Jane spotted the girl reading lines with her group. She sat with her knees to her chest, tongue working the inside of her cheek. The expression on her face was hard to read- not quite panic, but certainly not the confidence she’d exuded the night before. Jane felt a pang in her chest.

They were two of the last girls in the room that night for different reasons. Jane was having fun embellishing her character, while Nymphia was rehearsing hers in twelve slightly different, increasingly frantic fonts. Jane found herself striding across the room for the thirteenth.

“How’re you doing sister?” she said, knees brushing against the couch, unsure if she was welcome to sit. Nymphia’s sigh was half a scream as she stretched her long arms.

“I don’t knowwww,” she whined, and let the script fall to the empty end of the couch. Jane accepted the invitation.

Jane scanned the room for Sapphira or Plasma. “Where’d the others go?” 

Nymphia shrugged and picked at her nails. “They said I’m fine. But. I’m not feeling it yet.” She sighed and started rubbing her eyes. “I think they think I’m being dramatic. Or something.”

Jane scooped up the script and flipped to the lines highlighted in yellow.

“Show me what you have so far.”

Nymphia whined again, hands over her face. Jane knew from experience what faking it looked like. She didn’t think it looked like this. Neither one said anything for a long moment.

“This isn’t my thing,” Nymphia finally mumbled from behind her hands.

Jane was glad she couldn’t see her smiling. “Yes it is. You’re acting a fool half the time you’re here. C’mon, read with me.”

Nymphia finally peered out from between her fingers, then dropped her hands. She groaned and sat forward, her knees brushing against Jane’s where they sat criss-cross applesauce on the couch.

“From the top,” Jane began.

Day Six

Morphine was still not talking to Jane, even though they were sitting side by side at the mirror. Jane knew how to apologize, a surprise to most, she just didn’t want to have to explain herself in this particular situation.

She didn’t have to. Nymphia skipped over to Jane’s station not long before they were set to film. She was humming when she hugged Jane from behind, long arms wrapping around her waist. Nymphia was a hugger, as Jane was begging to understand.

“Thank you Jane,” she sang, nestling into Jane’s neck all too comfortably. “For last night.”

“Feeling better?” Jane asked as nonchalantly as possible, pretending not to notice Morphine’s eyes burning a hole through the mirror. 

Nymphia nodded, unwrapping herself from Jane’s waist, “mhm. Thank you.”

Nymphia hovered for a moment, watching intently as Jane smoked out her black eyeshadow. Her hand reached out to ruffle through the hair of Jane’s platinum blonde wig, expertly disheveled for that just-fucked look. Nymphia, as Jane was not quite getting used to, was bad at keeping her hands to herself.

“You look good blonde,” Nymphia quipped, then turned on her heel and scampered away.

Morphine’s tongue popped. Jane pursed her lips and pretended she wasn’t blushing. 

“So is this why you’ve been a bitch to me this week, huh?” Morphine at least had the decency to wait until Nymphia was out of earshot. 

Jane scoffed, and smudged the corner of her red lip. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Morphine just shook their head.

“Can’t believe you let her call you Jane. Bitch.”

-

Jane hadn’t been able to watch Nymphia’s skit, but she wasn’t surprised when she was called safe. Nymphia hadn’t needed the help. The girl had more than enough silly to go around. All she had needed was a little push. Still, there was something about being there for her that made Jane feel good inside. Nymphia mouthed another completely unnecessary ‘thank you’ to Jane as she scurried from the runway, her face glowing with pride. 

Jane joined Nymphia at the back of the stage not too long after. She tried to stand as far away from the girl as possible, because oh my god Nymphia was practically naked on the runway and her body was ridiculous and suddenly she didn’t know how to act. Nymphia did not seem to have the same concern. 

Nymphia’s perfectly manicured press-ons were flitting through the white feathers dancing at Jane’s sleeves, her mouth in a perfect O as she ooooh’d. “Pretty,” she whispered. A pause. “You look sexy in dark hair, too.”

Fuck.

Nymphia’s commentary made it hard for Jane to keep a straight face at the back of the stage. She was funny, or maybe Jane was just incapable of keeping herself together around the girl. Either way,it made Jane want to launch herself down a flight of steps, and then they were dancing to ‘Dark Lady’ and Jane was having fun. And then suddenly it wasn’t so fun anymore, because Mirage was standing at the end of the stage and dissolving into tears.

Jane could physically feel the energy in the room change. It ripped the air from her chest. Mirage was openly sobbing, and Jane felt hot tears spilling down her own face. The world, which had felt so very bright mere minutes before, was suddenly tinged with cruelty. Mirage, naive and messy and spitfire-sweetheart Mirage, was practically crumbling to pieces before their very eyes, and Jane felt she was looking reality right in its ugly face. It could be her, she thought to herself, it could be anyone. She felt Nymphia shaking beside her.

The moment seemed to drag on unbearably, and then Mirage was waving goodbye and the girls were trudging back through a darkened hallway, the heavy silence punctuated by breathy sobs and shaky gasps for air. Jane wasn’t sure who had reached for the other first, just that she was holding Nymphia’s hand and it felt like the only right thing to be doing in that moment.

The pair paused just before the light that filtered through the doorway. Virtually everyone had to collect themselves before passing into the next room, wiping the mascara from their cheeks and taking deep breaths. Morphine passed by, briefly leaning in to offer Jane a half-hug and a whispered ‘I love you’. Their gaze flickered to Nymphia for a moment, a look of concern crossing Morphine’s face before they disappeared into the next room.

Nymphia’s breathing was hard and heavy. Jane didn’t know why she asked Nymphia if she was okay. She knew what the answer was. Nymphia looked like she was searching for the right words, but nothing came out. Jane squeezed her hand.

“I know,” Jane said, “it’s okay,” It wasn’t, but its all she had. Nymphia nodded through tears.

Jane lifted her free hand to press the wetness from Nymphia’s cheeks. “I’d say don’t cry, it makes you ugly. But.”

Nymphia sputtered a laughed through her tears. Jane didn’t have to finish the compliment. Nymphia knew.

[gugugyuu]

sleep part three ⋆˚💤🧸꩜｡

"It's rare to see you with a girl," Soobin remarked, taking a shot at the billiards table. Beomgyu shrugged, trying to play it cool. "She's just my classmate."

"Then why are you smiling so hard?" Yeonjun teased, a mischievous glint in his eye.

And it was true. Ever since you parted ways, Beomgyu couldn't wipe the smile off his face. "I swear, you guys are overreacting!" he insisted, shaking his head in disbelief.

His friends continued to banter about how they'd never seen you before and how Beomgyu seemed to be the first one to befriend someone so attractive.

"What's her number then?" Soobin asked, a grin spreading across his face. "I'll introduce myself."

Beomgyu shot him a look as he grabbed a cue stick.

Being in a boy's room felt strange. You had an overwhelming urge to clean and organize everything in sight.

"That's not fair!" Beomgyu exclaimed when you snatched a potion to power up your character for a short period of time.

Both of you burst into laughter at his defeat, but the moment turned electric when he tucked a stray hair behind your ear, his face mere inches from yours.

You pulled away gently, a smile lingering on your lips. "This was fun..."

He threw himself at the bed, covered his face with a pillow. "You are fun," he replied, with a frustrated muffled voice.

"Come on, we have work to do," you countered, trying to rein in the moment.

"We still have like, two weeks!" he protested, clearly feeling lazy.

"Doesn't matter. We need to finish this," you insisted, standing at the edge of the bed where his legs rested. You gently grabbed both of Beomgyu's arms, trying to get him to stand. "Plus, I want to do something for someone," you added, thinking of Angel.

The pang of hesitation and guilt you felt before; is probably because you wanted to help her, and that you couldn't shake the worry that she might think you were getting closer to Beomgyu instead of her. He's her only friend, and not to mention, her now crush.

Beomgyu pulled your arms instead, and suddenly you found yourself on top of him, his arms wrapping around you like a cozy blanket. "What are you doing?" you asked quietly, a mix of confusion and unexpected relaxation over you.

"Shh... just stay like this," he whispered, a hint of a smile playing on his lips.

Beomgyu knows you were the most attractive person he had ever seen, even though he had no idea what you were really like beyond the surface.

Yes he knew a few like: you always read books, a nerdy yet endearing trait. But as you became closer to him, he noticed so much more.

He might not have recognized the subtlety of your makeup, but you effortlessly rocked the no-makeup look. Your nails were always clean, polished. Lips?it's always shiny and he can't ignore your habit of biting it, teeth always glistening whenever you smiled.

Your hair soft and smelled wonderful. He admired how much you take care of yourself, especially the simple drinking plenty of water.

Beomgyu appreciated how genuinely interested you were when he shared his hobbies and passions with you and how teaching you felt rewarding, even if he hated how quickly you picked things up.

He also couldn't ignore how much of a tease you could be, often leaving him flustered.

There was a part of him that enjoyed your gullibility, even though it sometimes made him feel guilty. You are fiercely independent, yet you still ignited a protective instinct within him. He liked being there for you, feeling a mix of admiration and responsibility.

You woke up in Beomgyu's arms, feeling surprisingly comfortable. As you gently pulled away, he stirred and opened his eyes, instantly alert. "I'm sorry," he said, releasing his hold on you, his expression a mix of concern and embarrassment.

"It's okay," you replied with a soft smile, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. Did he mentioned he likes it when you're doing that?

"I was actually wondering if you'd like to grab coffee tomorrow with Angel. The three of us?"

Beomgyu's expression shifted to one of curiosity. "Yeah, of course. I'd love to." He smiled back, the tension faded as the thought of spending time together brightened the mood. "I'll text you."

2:00 PM

Hey, we're here. You're so late.

Sorry! Can't go. Errands.

What?

Beomgyu let out a long, heavy sigh. Angel could easily spot the disappointment etched on his face, the subtle hint of boredom in his eyes as he stared off. "I don't get it," he groaned, frustration thick in his voice. "She said she was going to come." another sigh escaped his lips, this one sharper, more defeated.

Angel cleared her throat, shifting nervously. "I think..." she began, her voice a little unsteady, "I think she set us up."

"Set us up?" Beomgyu's brow furrowed, confusion flickering in his gaze. "Set us up for what?"

Without a word, Angel reached out, gently taking his hands in hers. Her heart raced, but she steadied herself. "I asked her to help me with something."

He blinked, still trying to piece it together.

Angel took a deep breath. "Because I told her I like you, Beomgyu."

Beomgyu's still processing her words. A choked out "What?" escaped his out followed by "You like me?" His voice wavered slightly, a mix of surprise and disbelief. Angel nodded, her grip on his hands tightening a little. "Yeah, I do. I just didn't know how to tell you, and she said she could help."

He stared at her, still reeling. "So... this was all a setup to get us alone?"

"Kind of." Angel felt nervous. "I just needed you to know how I feel."

Beomgyu's mind raced, trying to catch up with the sudden shift in the situation. He didn't know what to say or how to respond.

<previous part> <next part>

<back to masterlist> <back to title>

[lizhly-writes]

introducing new character: liang yuwen. not sure if i'll stick with this exact characterization, or even this character role (she was actually meant to be a rival character for chen lihua), but i ended up here anyway, so. here you go.

Jiang Mingxi kept perfectly still as her mother ran fingers through her hair.

"You have such nice hair," Liang Yuwen sighed. "It's unbelievable how little you do to maintain it! You never use any of the conditioners or oils I send you, but it's still like this..."

Jiang Mingxi only half-paid attention. This track of conversation was well-worn; the very first thing her mother would say upon seeing her would always be about her hair. Jiang Mingxi had mostly learned to tune it out by now, as she did with most of the things her mother said at her.

"I still can't believe you've cut it so short," Liang Yuwen said, as if Jiang Mingxi had recently shaved it all off instead of going for just-past-chin-length years ago. She picked up a comb -- some ornately carved wooden confection that Jiang Mingxi had gotten her years ago. "If I was you, I would never. I might have cried, if my hair looked like this. I suppose, if you like it -- but I really do think you should think about growing it out again."

Jiang Mingxi was actually thinking about cutting it shorter. This was not something she was going to bother telling her mother.

"You looked so pretty with long hair," Liang Yuwen said, starting to comb through it. "What does A-Ran say about it?"

Jiang Mingxi took a split second to register that her mother actually wanted a response instead of a doll to talk at and play with. "What about him."

"Your hair. What does he think about it? Does he like it?"

Jiang Mingxi shrugged. "It's not like it's attached to his head."

Liang Yuwen sighed, disappointed as she always was when it came to how Jiang Mingxi talked about Yang Haoran. "He's your man, Ming-er. Of course it matters if he likes it. Surely he has opinions on your appearance."

Sure. Fine. Yang Haoran had opinions. He cared about appearances, in the sense that he enjoyed making jokes about them. She'd always hear offhand remarks about his skincare routine and his manicure and how much effort he put into his pretty face, despite the fact they both knew he was the kind of person who wouldn't even bother brushing his hair if social standards didn't make him. At one point, she had gifted him a full skincare and cosmetics set. He had laughed so hard he almost cried.

"He's fine with it," Jiang Mingxi said.

"Is he? Just because he doesn't say anything doesn't mean there's no problems."

Technically speaking, Yang Haoran had, at one point, expressed disappointment about her lack of makeup and pretty outfits. This was less because he felt that she should be wearing pretty outfits and more about how he felt somebody in their relationship should be wearing pretty outfits.

This had led to some interesting things in their sex life that, again, Jiang Mingxi wasn't going to bother telling her mother.

"It's just... you're still not married. Of course, it's good that you're watching out for your career, but you have to keep his interest somehow, at least until the wedding."

"We fuck three times a day," Jiang Mingxi didn't say, because logistically speaking, she could probably only manage once or twice a day before work got in the way. "It's fine," Jiang Mingxi said instead.

Liang Yuwen shook her head. "Just because he doesn't say anything doesn't mean there's no problems. That's a tenet in all communication. Not all things are said out loud. It's a shame 'out loud' is the only way you ever understand anything."

This was one of the things that her mother always picked at. Jiang Mingxi had gotten tired of hearing it years ago.

"Oh, don't make that face," Liang Yuwen said, without actually getting a look at Jiang Mingxi's face. "It's just an observation, dear -- you have to admit you are awfully straightforward. People don't just say what they think, there's subtlety involved. Subtlety will get you everywhere, but... well! It's not really a skill you practice. It really does seem I'm a terrible teacher, doesn't it?"

Jiang Mingxi didn't bother saying anything. There was no point; it wasn't a question with a correct answer. Agree, and then Mother would accuse her of being a rude, unfilial child. Disagree, and then Mother would ask, if she was such a good teacher, why Jiang Mingxi hadn't learned anything.

"You're always so quiet," Liang Yuwen said. Her hands tightened on Jiang Mingxi's hair. "Are you upset? I'm only trying to look out for you. It's only that people like looking at new, pretty things. Of course my Ming-er is very beautiful, but you always choose such boring things, over and over again. Don't you think you should put a little more effort? I'm sure A-Ran would like it. It's just... people can get bored so easily."

....Was she saying...?

"You've gone so stiff," Liang Yuwen said. "This sort of posture isn't very good for you, Ming-er. I'm sure you're already getting some aches and pains. You'll need to visit the masseuse -- oh, or we could order one over. Wouldn't that be nice?"

"What are you saying about Haoran," Jiang Mingxi said lowly. Liang Yuwen didn't try that hard at subtlety when she was talking to Jiang Mingxi, not when she was aware that too subtle would fly over Jiang Mingxi's head. There were very few ways to interpret what Liang Yuwen was saying.

"Hmm? A-Ran? I only said he might like it if you try something else with your hair."

"You're saying he'll get bored of me."

Liang Yuwen sighed. "Oh, that's such an unpleasant thing to say. Do you really want to talk about this?"

"You're the one who brought it up," Jiang Mingxi said. "Why would you even say that?"

Their relationship was fine. Yang Haoran was happy, Jiang Mingxi was happy -- no matter what Liang Yuwen said, everything was fine. Why would her mother even --

"Ming-er, it's rude to raise your voice."

"He's been engaged to me for over ten years. If he was going to get bored of me, wouldn't it be before now?"

"A-Ran," Liang Yuwen said, setting down the comb with a faint click, "is a very nice boy. Very... obedient. Very unlikely to rock the boat, don't you agree? Ming-er, if he was bored of you, do you really think he'd say so?"

... Yang Haoran complained all the time. Jiang Mingxi thought that he did it sometimes just because he thought it was funny, always about annoying little things that she was sure he didn't actually care about. It was easy assume that if something actually bothered him, he'd just complain about it.

Looking back, though, she couldn't remember him ever complaining about anything he was actually upset about. Did it make more sense to assume that he never had serious problems, or that he did and just never talked about them?

If he was really unhappy...

"Ten years," Jiang Mingxi repeated.

"Yes, about that," Liang Yuwen said. "Have you heard of the sunk-cost fallacy?"

"You think my relationship is a sunk-cost fallacy?"

"An engagement is, by nature, temporary. When that engagement develops into a marriage -- well, some things become... intolerable, when they become permanent. Men do get cold feet at the altar, sometimes."

"He's not -- he wouldn't--"

"Oh, maybe he wouldn't," Liang Yuwen said. "I could just be overthinking it. I'm sure you know A-Ran best, but it's only reasonable to worry about these things."

"Is it?"

"I just want you to be careful. I only want what's best for you, Ming-er. Now, why don't we try something else with your hair?"

[imperial-nuisance-rudje]

if you click the unrebloggable red catboy haterade readmore it's your own damn fault

i am so tired of people trying to defend g'raha's writing in ew

"they're capable of subtlety" switching between being a manipulative asshole and the writer's most perfect prince who can never do wrong and is the wol's bestest friend 5ever (don't look at shb) and never allowing the player/other characters to say "dude wtf" at the former is not "subtle writing", it's complete lack of awareness that the character is being an asshole

like it was bad enough that the writers forced you to be buddy-buddy with him in shb with only a token option of expressing mild distaste , doing that and also making it very clear that he's still a manipulative shithead (because if he was meant to trying to put on a brave face they would have had a "dude wtf" line where he would have apologized in the post-credits, not acted like the promise made under duress was still valid) is just bad fucking writing given that on the other side of the corridor is zenos, who they constantly deny even acknowledgement of his humanity

you can try to compare it to urianger's writing but uri's writing never flinches away from the fact that he's being a fucker when he's being a fucker even when played for comedy, and they still have this gaping gap of not touching the fact that urianger functionally killed thancred's foster daughter/little sister onscreen (while they probably would have realistically hashed it out over like 3 years, you really don't get to see any of that at all so it's very strained; even having thancred still kind of mad before he gets snatched and having the more cordial relationship we normally see during shb would have communicated that better).

idk. so much of ew is just written really damn poorly (even parts that, in isolation, i find acceptable to actively enjoyable (ie the 6.0 zenos cutscenes) end up falling flat in context) because of external factors forcing the sardine treatment for plot points and i'm tired of seeing people pretend that it's not. i can't exactly compare the gameplay side well given i started in 6.0, but i can break down the writing just fine and ew's fucking dire even if you consider how heavily i weigh 4.2-4.3 against stb.

i really hope they sideline the scions besides krile (or tataru, but i think she's probably going to live in side content for a while and krile has been badly neglected for so long). i don't want to interact with g'raha again anytime soon but especially not if his writing remains this bad. either acknowledge that he can be an asshole and let me be colder to him or stop bringing him up, i'm fine hating major recurring characters if they're actually well written (asahi, varis, thordan) and the catboy isn't at this point, and even when he was better-written there was still the major problem of "let me call him a dick or at least untrustworthy you pricks".

"what about estinien don't you like him" if they just have him being a weird hungry vagrant that only shows up sometimes to be deeply strange and get mobbed by baby mamool ja that is ideal, actually, i love when he's a bit of a freak. or they could have him get adopted by another fancy prince, having him repeatedly reel in powerful fancy prince types with the power of

dragon autism

would be the funniest shit on the planet.

but like. i want a break from even the scions i like, barring maybe the twins, and the twins are best when i don't have to refer to them as a unit, yknow? i want new people to take center stage. i'm not going to get that given the trailer, but god. please. make this the erenville-and-wuk lamat show with cameos by the scions and not the other way around. they can come back in 8.0.

(plus, doing that might mean we don't have the fifth expansion straight of y'shtola death fakeouts (i counted: arr/hw (given timing it's hard for me to define where catgirl blunt best belongs), stb (vs Zenos), shb (sailor moon catgirl), ew (ultima thule)). i am so fucking tired of her fakeouts. do literally anything else with her as a character i BEG OF YOU. we all know you aren't killing Miss Final Fantasy 14. her fans would flay you. the merch sales would plummet.)

[humanpurposes]

i often think of how different your writing style is to your fellow writers, and I wonder if you are very picky about what you consume/read because of it.

Do you often venture outside of your own writing style to read fics that are different and yet, good? If yes, would you recommend them?

It's interesting thinking about style because it is obviously subjective and very personal to each writer. I like to think I have quite a distinct voice as a writer and fanfiction has really helped me settle into that after not writing anything for a long time.

I think you learn a lot from the stories around you, if it's fics, books, movies, plays, history, music, whatever, especially when you branch out of your own style or comfort zone. I love exploring other people's writing and comparing it to my own, seeing what details they focus on, how they describe people and settings. I think essentially, the most important thing for me as a reader/consumer of media is that the story and the characters are interesting. As long as you've got a good story (and smut and yearning and pining), I'm happy.

I've specifically thought this about Sam (@randomdragonfires) and Justine's (@theoneeyedprince) writing, that they're very different to mine but that's why I love reading their fics. They both have a really classic, poetic feel to their writing, and internal, if that makes sense? I personally struggle with internal monologue because that's just not how my brain works, I think I focus a lot more on actions and dialogue. But that all really lends itself to the stories they tell, love you guys 🥺❤️

Also Ange @ewanmitchellcrumbs is one of my favs on here because the level of detail and the subtleties that go into her fics make for such immersive stories. Her writing feels very grounded and real and I really admire that about her. And her dedication to character is something I really appreciate 🥰

I have some more specific recs just because I wanted to ramble about some fics I like. Also because it's me, these are all a bit DD;DNE

I could see your shadow in the water (beneath the castle where you broke my heart) by Rueluxxx This is a fem!Lucerys fic told from the pov of Aemond and Lucerys' son. It's not a love story at all, it's very traumatic. But THE REASON WHY I am obsessed with this fic is the tragedy of loving someone and never being able to make amends. Aemond reaches a point where he realises how much he's made his wife suffer and starts living in this delusion where he tries to win her back but it will never be enough. They loved each other as children, they work well together as rulers, they have their own children now, and she will always do her duty as his wife, but no matter how hard Aemond tries, Lucerys will never want him. Chapter 6 in particular broke my heart, some of the best dialogue I've read.

Moon Song by @randomdragonfires We're following a pattern here of Aemond's doomed marriages but this was made specifically for me!! This focuses on Aemond's guilt after he murders Luke at Storm's End, only to come back home to his wife, Luke's twin sister. I love how this fic creates the juxtaposition of Aemond's suffering and guilt, how he still longs for a relationship with his wife and is haunted by the image of her twin brother. And it's told from his pov so you're left wondering about his wife's lingering longing and hatred, if she wants to salvage their marriage, if she fears him and just wants to appease him? Anyway, Aemond feels like he's losing her to the brother he murdered, and no spoilers but the ending is WOW.

Rumours by @adragonprinceswhore Oh boy, another failed marriage. Fun fact about Inka, she actually owns my soul. I'm so emo for Fleetwood Mac and this fic combines my two favourite things to ever exist. Despite definitely being in the wrong here, Aemond is my favourite character in this, his struggle to express his own feelings and the love he had/still has for his ex-wife. He feels betrayed because she left him, guilty because he hurt her, and the way the music is woven into this just adds a whole other level of emotion. AND HE WAS THE ONE TO WRITE STORMS??? I can't deal. "I'm your family now, Aemond." Liar. Will never not get me.

Ok that's all I have for you, ta ra x

[re-x]

Comments on Never Have I Ever Season 4’s first two episodes:

The sheer absurdity of people getting themselves worked up into a panic over spoilers from the first two episodes of nhie season 4, when most of them haven’t even watched these episodes themselves.

The tags (and my Twitter timeline) are full of people passing judgments (and full-blown catastrophizing) as if they knew exactly what the first 2 episodes were going to be like. Clearly these folks had heard spoilers from someone about them, but at the same time they were clearly missing all the subtleties and nuances because plot points are only the skeleton that makes up a story. They heard the cliffnotes version of the final product, at best.

I have seen these episodes myself, so I can say that those plot points didn’t even come close to encapsulating what really happened. When it comes to Ben (and Devi), so much of the story is in what’s unsaid. These are things that you cannot transmit by just summarizing plot points or dialogs. Instead, you hear them in the actor’s voice, their body language and facial expressions, and the delivery of their lines. A character can say one thing on the script while their face and body language portray conflicting feelings about what they are saying.

The bottom line is as follows:

I was frustrated as heck by what transpired during the first two episodes, but I understood why it had to happen. Ben is insecure and he acknowledges that about himself, but he’s yet to admit that there are far deeper fears that are preventing him from being with Devi. He’s scared shitless of getting hurt again, and given his past traumas, we cannot overstate just how traumatic the events of season 2 were to him. And he hasn’t addressed that fully yet. And so, he was trying his best to look after himself while still do right by everyone (Margot and Devi both), but you could see how hard it was on him and how confused he was by the whole thing. Frustrating af, but I was mightily impressed by Jaren Lewison’s ability to portray Ben’s inner conflict so beautifully within the first two episodes. And without the aid of a 24/7 narrator at that.

I saw a lot of things swirling around the internet that clearly were the product of improperly transmitted second- or even third-hand information. It’s like an awful game of telephone or something, where with each round of transmission, the information gets ever more degraded and further away from the original truth. That is exactly how misinformation spreads. And I see people catastrophizing for no reason as a result.

[macolegacy]

❣️💗🥀 for Rylen and Ataqo bc they make me cry already so whats some more tears :)))

even 2 years after u sent me this ask, you have unleashed the rylen/ataqo gates and brother i am drowning in feelings again !!!! 🏊‍♂️

💗— Do they noticeably change once they’re in love? Is it easy to notice or just something their partner would pick up on?

Rylen is very, very hard to pick up on regarding any changes. He’s an Imperial Agent after all — he has full control of his body, facial expressions and (to a degree) emotions. Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them knoooooow. So from the outside, he would appear as always; quite stoic, distant and dry. And boring. So, so boring. (By design). So no, not even Ataqo would pick up on any changes on Rylen’s feelings unless Rylen lets his guard down on purpose. Ataqo is less in control. Naturally, as he has never formally received any agent training and grew up on Nar Shaddaa mainly working in kitchens & bars, there is no need for subtlety or subterfuge where your body could betray you. He only recently ‚joined‘ (questionable, really) the SIS and became their informant fairly recently, and occasionally acts as backup when fights break out. With other partners and crushes he has had, Ataqo had been way more open about his affection once he has really fallen in love with someone and it would be visible to anyone. Spring in his step, good mood, smiling all the time while sunk in his thoughts. But with Rylen? He is so, SO afraid of admitting it, both to him and to himself quite frankly. He’s afraid to tell or show Rylen because he doesn’t want to scare him away, due to the nature of their relationship, their backgrounds and affiliations. So he tries his best to appear ‚normal‘ as always, like nothing changed, however Rylen does pick up on it. And it scares Rylen as well.

Which is why…

🥀 — How well would they handle a breakup?

… Rylen then stops their relationship. Technically it’s not a breakup because they were never a couple to begin with, just an affair that got out of hand when feelings started to blossom (for both of them), but it very much feels like one. and BOTH of them cope with it so badly. so very very bad. Rylen immediately shoves all of his feelings into a corner of his mind and then never thinks about it again, and usually, that does the job for him, but not this time. His own mind betrays him, and he’s quite literally haunted by Ataqo and what they had, and how it changed Rylen’s perspective on life and his desires for life in general. Letting go of those memories and feelings is not as easy as he wants and needs it to be. On the outside, he seems relatively normal to the untrained eye. But he is distracted enough that Vrupet & her apprentices notice something is off about him and that he is less focused when not working than usual.

⚠️ warning for mentions of alcohol overuse ⚠️

Ataqo is doing bad as well, and again, it’s more visible to outsiders than Rylen. He’s been smoking and drinking more, to the point where he had several blackouts after too many nights of partying in a row to distract himself, his insomnia is at an all time high, and as a result he is super unfocused and just tired all the time. During this time he befriends Kronos, who also goes through the same thing as him (break up) so they lift each other up, but also let each other indulge in way too much than they should. It takes Xiame and Daro to get both of them to snap out of this phase, and eventually they do. Ataqo does eventually try to get over it in a ‚fake it till you make it‘ way trying to convince himself that it never could have worked out between Rylen and him, and it is working. somewhat. so in that aspect, ataqo is doing better than rylen.

and then they stumble into each other again and we are SO back at where we started <3

❣️— When do they first say ‚I love you‘?

When they get back together again, it’s actually Rylen that says it first. It’s a conscious decision and full on confession and declaration of love on his part — in a 20-minute speech about his life and ‚how he never even considered this was a possibility for someone like him to desire and experience and that he was so so incredibly stupid to ever deny himself and ataqo this relationship and that he wants to be with him forever‘ kind of way. <3 its one of my favorite scenes to think about, because it would happen in such a seemingly random moment — ataqo would have just made them breakfast, nothing fancy or super hard to make, and everything seemed normal. but rylen, sitting at this small table in this super small apartment thats WAY too expensive than what it’s actually worth, being served breakfast that was made with such love and care, rylen would just explode in this moment from all he’s feeling and just rant his heart out until he’d come to an abrupt stop, breathless for a few seconds, before just saying ‚i love you‘ which is THE most agitated and emotional ataqo would have ever seen him. in his life.

i care them. thank u so much for asking. ❤️

[existential-muffin]

Newbies' Trigun Stampede/98/Maximum Analysis

To start off I was introduced to Trigun by fanart on Pinterest while looking for art inspiration. So thank you to all the fandom artists!! I'm not really into anime too much, so this has been the first anime thats had my attention in a long while.

I began this series by watching up to episode 3 of Stampede and then decided "I can't wait, I must consume".

Immediately watched the high trip that is Tri98 and then came the heart crushing Maximum. Also have to thank @genkooii for the link to the proper translation to Maximum. Here is the link to that post if anyone wants to read as well.

I'm really happy with the way I followed the series and love it so much. Each version having its own charm and still keeping Vash's core at heart. But there are differences and somethings i find that were done better than others. I'll give my feelings for each first and then compare them.

Begining with the first 3 episodes of Stampede The animation was new and interesting. I didn't know about the hate for CGI until later on. I agree that it does look different, but I quite like the potential it has. Its beautiful in its own right. For story, I have to admit even as a newbie, the pacing was rough for me. I realized this after Vash saved Jenora (again) barely had time to breathe and then EG Mine shows up. (I learned later that I stopped just before things ramped up even more) I like tragedy, but subtlety goes a long way. Will come back to Stampede again further down.

Next is the OG Trigun 98 anime. I didn't realize how much I missed the 90s anime aesthetic?? There's just something about it. Even though it is dated in appearance, there are some great frames and angles this anime had that just makes it so intense!! This version did have fillers, but I felt like they weren't out of place. I have to admit here that I have a bias for this version. I grew up as a Fallout New Vegas fan, and this just gives me the same vibes. The questioning of morality with no real defined answer? How people struggled to survive and how fucking wacky they were!??? All while the protag is basically a wandering gunslinger/cowboy. Loved it. Gotta have those spurs that jingle jangle jingle, while having an existential crisis.

And here we are at Maximum.. man, words can't even describe how Stamp and Tri98 didn't prepare me for this at all. It's like that hair-clutching-hysterical-crying that settles into soft calm laugher and happy tears. It was really painful, those tough and tender pages i read... I loved it. This version does have a combination of both the above. And Stamp is more based on this version. But the pacing, while quick, had the subtlety I craved. The action was cool and interesting, but i now understand why it was said as "hard to follow". It can get a bit confusing. Overall, I ate this manga up when I definitely should have been studying, haha!

I actually went back to Tri98 after Max and definitely felt the differences between them. It was a bit surreal. Had to separate the two in my mind, but I still love them both.

Return of the Stamp! Now having finished all prior media, I looked at Stampede with new eyes. I'm glad I waited because I binge watched the episodes. I definitely understand why older fans were concerned, but this was my original, and I am going to stick by Stamp's side for as long as I can. Hmm how to describe how I feel now that season 1 has ended... this Trigun is in neutral for me right now. Though the animation is enough to make me go bonkers over the expressions and lighting, it's not enough for me to say it's outrageously good storytelling wise. But it does convey emotions well when it wants too. And they are definitely setting the stage up for Vash and more trimax story. I'm eager to see the results. I enjoy it overall. Season 2 will truly decide for me.

Okay here is the comparison part and will likely contain SPOILERS

Pacing

Stamp- as I mentioned much too quick but hopefully since this prequel season is over they will have more time to space out the story a bit

98- quite like this pacing. Has world building and mystery towards Vash for the first half. Makes it intriguing. The later half does go by quicker. Plants are hardly mentioned or explained.

Max- always in motion. Only in the first OG(prequel?) Trigun manga is there filler, which is what Tri98 is based more off of. But also this filler still had meaning and made you think.

Character relastionships/Interactions

Stamp- very little, Meryl is basically the only one who develops with Roberto and a tiny bit with Vash at the very end of the season.

I feel like something was lost between Wolfwood and Vash in this version. Woodwold being cold and Vash saying he looks kind, if you haven't seen the other media it's nice. Technically, there's nothing wrong with it. But i now see this is one of the tropes older fans complain about. It lacks the depth the 98 anime, and Trimax WW and Vash had. It gets straight to the point but loses a sort of dynamic. This anime didn't have the luxury of time I suppose. I don't hate wolfwood here. How could I? When he made such a soft expression at Livio. He still has that need to protect and thats what really matters.

98- another reason I like Tri98 is because they actually had the characters interact more. Meryl and Milly came to see Vash more and more and understand, he isn't at all what they or others thought he was. They had more time to be inspired by him. Meryl is definitely more aggressive and very direct. I don't hate this version. It's a straight man to Vashes over exaggerated goofiness. For the anime it works but I hate that for how abservent she is, that she really couldn't see Vash as the stampede?? Kind dumb but it's a wacky show, had to have a sillier vibe.

WW I like how they are actually friendly to each other at first. When the person who made you smile/soften up, has a harshly contrasting moral view to your own, it creates a certain sort of tension. Loved Vashs and WW friendship here. His death was kinda sadder since he died feeling like he didnt acomplish much. Vash's moment of breaking down while eating donuts was heart-wrenching . Also Vash using the Punisher vs Knives, such a good scene!!!

I actually really like Milly and Wolfwood together. It's cute. Millys more capable then I thought. Love her.

Max- Meryl and Milly have much less time with Vash. I do like how they are inspired by him still, but they only come around every so often to say a baller couple of lines than they dip. Don't get me wrong, I understand why, and I love how they are the representation of the good in humans, but they no longer feel as close. Which is saying something because 98 Vash was still a really distant dude. It just feels like the gap between them and Vash is more apparent. But they also had a really big issue at hand, so understandable. When Vash is called out for not letting them help more, he acknowledges that he can't afford to think about it at the moment. These characters were still great on their own.

WW- by far the only real human relationship Vash has ever had. And I don't mean in the romantic sense, but a sense of actually getting to know someone on a personal level despite their tense differences. Learning, inspiring each other while opposing each other. To have faith in someone. Vash is either on a pedestal or on trial when around most humans and I like that WW brings him down to his level. In the worst and best ways, he makes Vash truly human. I thought his death in the anime was painful but this was so much worse.

Livio and Vash bounding over their lost of WW will always get to me. The spaghetti scene. T_T Glad that Vash has another companion that could help in the physical fighting to come. Livio vs Elendria was a great!!. Liked how Livio was a combination of WW and Vash. A surprise break out character for me.

Does it make you think?

Stamp- Kinda spoon feed the tropes to you. I don't expect this to happen in the 2nd season. You could feel the subtle messages in the last few episodes of the season. I feel like they are done being overly flashy, time for the thick sauce of you-gotta-think-about-this-now.

98- despite it being so much like an abridge series, the episodes do make you think. Thats whats so good about it. The unsuspecting "here is haha funny man, now think about the uselessness of being good in this world". Love the episode with the rich girl and her criminal dad. Shows her position like most humas on Gunsmoke/no man's land. Moral grey kinda thing? That the world they live in isn't simply black and white.

Max- better dust off the old noggin and soak it in your tears.

Sadness

Maximum wins. IWANTHIMTOGETAHUGANDATHANKYOUANDAND---'

Stamp close second might surpass Maxs trauma in time. Who knows.

98- Someone mentioned that this Vash isn't suicidal. That is how low the bar is to make him the happiest of all the Vashes. Technically, he also got the best ending, for now, at least.

Knives

Stamp- oh no.. hes hot...and they definitely made him more intimidating than 98. Coming back to episode 4 was a thrill ride, but this version of Knives is very yandere. He does care for Vash but very manipulative and narcissistic. Gaslighting galore. I kinda understand it because of the manga now, but the whole pregnant plants and all that really puts this Knives on the less redeemable scale. His piano theme is amazing tho!!

98- barely there, the ending fight was cool, and I enjoyed it a lot. I did still like him in this version, but it had a lukewarm water kinda feel. The lesser of all the knives.

Max- the great thing about Maximum is that it shows so much depth to the story that i knew before, and to Knives. How sad and alone he really his. How his intentions are really just to save his kind from a threat that broke his mind with their cruelty. I don't disagree with him, actually. What he saw l, what humans do, does go toe to toe with Vash's optimistic. Knives is so human compared to Vash in my opinion. It's kinda odd and so poetic. Also when the plant hivemind was ripped away from him, I felt sad. He was alone again. Still wrong for him to obsorb his siblings tho...

VASH the man the myth the lengend

Stamp - Hmm, this has Trimax Vash attitude, but more on the meek side. My first impression was that he was a cute and kinda like a kicked puppy. I want to pat his head. In this version I wasn't thrown off by him being an all loving protagonist he just had the vibe off the start. Watching him in the later episodes did make me tear up. He's so soft and does have that tenderness that all Vashs' have. A cinnamon roll, too pure to good for this world.

98- he uses his smile as a sheild and plays it off better than the other Vashes, but his pain is still there. He is also pathetic, in a loving way lol. Before getting to know his story, i thought he was crazy. I was like every other character that he met. I didn't understand his struggle. I just saw the crazy man who made things difficult by choosing to avoid killing. Him getting serious and holding fast to his beliefs amazed and stunned me. Had me step back and see his point of view. Highly respect his willpower. However I don't entirely agree with him. Which many have pointed out thats the point of Vash. He is also much more confident and sly than Stamp Vash. Which is weird because it makes him seem more experienced and I think Stamp is older? He manages to use his pervy and over the top silliness to disarm people and get the advantage in most situations. He's smarter than he looks. I enjoyed the ending for this Vash, because it touches on his moral code after having to kill Legato. Him finally looking forward to the future without Rem being the main focus to his life and decisions. There wasn't enough time in Trimax and I would have liked some pages on it. But he was a bit busy saving the planet... He may be louder than the other Vash's but he still strives for a world that is made of ----- LOVE AND PEACE!!

Maximum- this Vash is like an older dad of the other two. He is worn down and you can feel it but he will NOT stop fighting. He is a tad more direct than the other Vashes and I was surprised that he has a tiny mean streak when he's irritated. I like this. He isn't always hiding behind that painted smile. He definitely gives off more of that Angel theme the manga has. An older creature that is indeed different from humans but wants to care and look out for them, but people are so scared of him. Poor dude. Every Vash holds the same core elements, the tenderness, the wit, and the determination. But this Vash really nails it down that he is the OG. And man, some of the lines for Maximum were just chefs' kiss. Had me just staring at the pages pondering. But he is so broken and mostly picks up the pieces alone. I am bitter that he never got any comfort or closure at the end. I am grateful it was a hopeful ending but HE LOST SO MUCH!!

All of them need a hug and therapy

Personal Ranking

I can't choose between Trimax and Tri 98...................................... Fine. Okay, it's Max for the plot, but you'll have to pry 98 Vash from my cold death hands!!!

3rd -Stampede - I really love the look, music, and some of the emotional points, just not enough storytelling for me to appreciate it more. I also feel like it's a bit too early to judge. So much can happen in the 2nd season.