#this was not harassment this was a kid doing a comedy bit

[yardsards]

Sorry that happened to you. (the rock thing) zoomers can truly be gross awful people

sorry it happened to me??? bruh it was fucking *hilarious* and made me laugh really hard and brightened my day. kids can be absolute delights and i'm glad to have them in my community

[oh-no-its-bird]

Special edition Christmas fic where genin aged team 7 decide hatch their newest plot to see Kakashi's face: using mistletoe

Because if they trap him under it with someone, he'll surely have to take his mask off to give them a kiss! ...Right?

(Sasuke thinks this is fucking stupid)

The entire thing is just a fucking slapstick comedy as Kakashi goes "what's the funniest way I can go along with this." And decides he will in fact lower his mask and give a kiss to everyone the kids corner him with. But only when they look away / blink / their view is obstructed

The kids are chasing him around with a string on a stick w mistletoe tied to the end of it, and every time they miss seeing the kiss (and his face) hey scream even louder

Reactions range from "???!?????!?!??????" (Iruka) to straight up passing out (Gai) to laughing hysterically with a bright red face (Kurenai) to just sort of freezing up like a deer in headlights (Asuma)

Kakashi, having way too much fun, makes a shadow clone to pull the Sukea thing again. And the kids get "Sukea" on board, thinking he can take a photo the second Kakashi pulls his mask down for a smooch. Kakashi has WAY too much fun, essentially role-playing with himself and swooning dramatically. Then, at the end, Sukea goes, "Oh no the camera's memory card is gone, Kakashi must have stolen it :((" and the kids all scream in agony

They try to get him to describe Kakashi's face and Sukea gets all coy and goes "umm... its kind of... indescribable?"

(They get another person to try to snap a photo of him but they turn out to be a freezer so they don't take the picture. When the kids harass them ab it they just giggle a little maniacally ab his face)

This does escalate to doing this shit w enemy nin btw. Funniest option is obviously Tobi but I'm also raising u a really freaked the fuck out Itachi looking like an angry, surprised cat after Kakashi gives him a peck on the cheek (Sasuke is gonna fucking KILL HIMSELF)

Obito gets the full makeout session bc its funniest.

He shows up looking for a dramatic fight but like halfway through his villain speech, team 7 dangles the mistletoe over him, and he's so thrown off guard he just kinda "???? excuse me I'm kind of in the middle of—"

Kakashi, who is a) in too deep to stop the bit now, and b) recognizes a good way to throw off an enemy, fucking launches himself at him, pushes Tobi's mask up just enough to kiss, and starts to make out w him

His back is turned to the kids and they're all scrambling to try to catch a single glimpse, but he keeps his back to them as they scream and run around (thus prolonging the kiss)

Kakashi is totally checked out of the actual kiss, this is all fun and games to him. Obito is having a fucking religious experience wrapped in a manic episode flavored internal breakdown topped off with a very loud high pitched kettle noise that may or may not be confined to his brain

This lasts for like a solid minute before Kakashi releases him and readjust his mask, pats him on the shoulder and goes "sorry about that teehee"

Obito just kinda 🧍‍♀️ and they stare at eachother for another solid minute as team 7 screams and cries and throws up in the bg

Kakashi, seeing the opportunity to leave and avoid what was for sure going to be a potentially devistating fight: "cool. So, anyways. Bye lmao." And runs for it w his students

Obito is left tanding still as a statue in the middle of the clearing. After like 20 seconds alone he starts hyperventilating.

Merry Christmas everybody 👍

[misteria247]

So I'm going to ramble a bit cuz I've been noticing that there's a lot of split opinions on Timmy Turner that rage from people adoring him flaws and all to people thinking that he's a little shit. So I decided to throw in my thoughts cuz it's been awhile since I've analyzed a character and I've got some thoughts fam lol. Please don't take this personally cuz this is just my opinion.

I think one of the main reasons why Timmy gets such a mixed reaction from fans is because a lot of his actual story is played like a sitcom. It's not placed in a more serious way, though there are moments where it is, it's quickly glossed over. If you take away the sitcom setting and the attempts of comedy and whatnot you actually get a rather horrible reality for this 10 year old boy. And with it suddenly a lot of his actions and attitude makes a lot more sense.

Timmy when introduced is a 10 year old. He's a child but he's also old enough to know the basics of right and wrong. Much like any kid. He gets his fairy godparents, Cosmo and Wanda because he was deemed to be a child in need of help. This whole scenario is played for laughs and whatnot but like, Timmy's life is actually horrid. He's abused by his babysitter, is tormented by school bullies, is essentially harassed by his teacher and is neglected by his own parents. This is his every day life, from the moment he was old enough to understand this was what he was exposed to and forced to accept. In a way Timmy was forced to grow up a bit faster because of it but not to a point where he completely lost the magic of childhood. When you think about this in a more serious way, things start to click together more.

Timmy's behavior when he gets snappy or creates mischief is a way to get attention from his parents. It's not a good kind but it's something. Or when he acts cold and selfishly, while it could be chalked up to being a kid, I could also argue that he might have actually learned it. Cause who else in his life puts their wants and desires before others? Who else doesn't think about the consequences of their actions and how it'd effect others? Who else ignores other people's thoughts and feelings when it comes to things?

His parents.

Timmy's parents do this shit constantly. From leaving him with abusive babysitters, to not really interacting with him, to making jabs about how their dreams died when he was born to a bunch of other shitty things. They forget to feed him and always criticize him, they're always jumping at the chance to essentially get away from him. All these things are things Timmy's witnessed and has been on the receiving end of for a decade. And never once does his parents really suffer any consequences. It's a known fact that children watch their parents and absorb information from it. Timmy's behaviors can very well be behaviors he unintentionally learned from them. Which is so sad because whenever Timmy's not acting like this, it's quite clear that he's actually incredibly different.

It becomes clear that Timmy's actually incredibly kind.

There's so many moments where he shows his kindness. From lending Cosmo and Wanda to Tootie, to helping fairies in Fairy World to literally giving his fairies the baby they always wanted to saving the whole world several times with little hesitation. Timmy at his core is a kind boy, but due to his home life and its constant reminders of the people in his life not wanting him. (Hell there was a whole ass episode about the world being better if he hadn't been born, like can you imagine that, it's fucking awful-). So in a way Timmy hides that kindness and rarely shows it because of these things.

Which is why Cosmo and Wanda and eventually Peri are so fucking important.

Cosmo and Wanda from the very beginning where different from everyone else. These fairies while granting some reckless and dangerous wishes, have always had Timmy's best interests in mind. Cosmo and Wanda are the positive influences that Timmy desperately needs, the adults that he actually needs to help encourage and push him towards the right direction. Cosmo and Wanda are always in Timmy's corner, even when he's made a mistake, and are always there to catch him and remind him that he's loved and wanted. In one episode where Timmy sneaks into his godparents castle, at the end when they're putting the picture of Maryann back into the hall of infamy, Timmy's first reaction is to apologize and believe that because he'd made this one mistake that he'd end up there with the other bad kids. Only to immediately be told no, baffling Wanda and Cosmo with the very idea of it.

It's things like this that help Timmy grow and feel comfortable with making mistakes. Cuz what he thought isn't exactly a normal thing. They help Timmy in so many ways and grow to love him as their very own cuz when Timmy allows himself to be well himself he's a rather endearing kid. It's no surprise they get so attached.

There's a lot of other things that I've got in my noggin but I just wanted to say these things for the time being. Maybe I'll update on this later lol.

[sadceline]

THE ENHYPEN HOST || 1

|| Reverse harem || ft. TXT, Minggyu (Seventeen) & BTS

PAIRING: FEM OC X ENHYPEN

WARNINGS: foul language, explicit content, group sex, humiliation, sex in public, threesome, foursoome, rough sex, red flags, immoral acts, unprotected sex, morbid jealousy, comedy, parody, possessiveness, violent quarrels, arguments, betrayals, lies, femdom sometimes.

GENTRE: +18, reverse harem, comedy, enemy to lovers, friends to lovers

SUMMARY: You moved to Seoul to start over after a bad experience, and everything seems to be going well, you even manage to work for HYBE. You discover, however, that you owe them almost a billion won, money you don't have and don't know how to recover: but don't worry because Hybe itself offers you a solution.

Your body in exchange for paying off your debt.

Do you accept?

Okay, follow me for a moment!

A little context is needed to understand the dire situation in witch I find myself.

I'm a graphic designer, I was born in Campania, Italy, but I moved very early to Bologna, still in Italy but in another region, with mom and dad who are now little more than acquaintances to me, where I spent my existence until my 22nd birthday, when I moreover found out that my idiot boyfriend was cheating on me, with his cousin.

I didn't have time to feel bad about it, because I was pretty disgusted in general. However, it wasn't that I was in love with him, I simply found myself a bit lost - with the only known relatives inhabitants of small remote little cities in the Campania hinterland, who haven't seen me in at least ten years, and a failed career as an advertising graphic designer.

Unable to maintain the hectic pace of business, not to mention the harassment and constant mansplaining I was suffering, I retreated into freelancing. By being able to manage my schedule, I could also manage me, and think about the future.

For several months I contemplated going to Spain but then one of the few friends I had left at the time, after hosting me in her house for some strange reason in Sorrento (in Campania!), always kept secret from her, proposed me to leave with her for Seoul.

It was the fashion of the moment, I had heard about it, but I was too focused on self-pity to be interested in such frivolities - as a matter of fact, while we had been planning the trip for months, I got a little obsessed myself.

She likes BTS, for me too overblown, too famous. I used to focus more on the up-and-comers, there was one band in particular, it consisted of one guy who was better looking than the other, however, not being a kpop senior yet I sometimes confused them, I couldn't even pronounce their name.

So you can imagine my excitement when, just two months after moving to Seoul, I was contacted by a Hybe agent who, after looking at my portfolio found on a website, said he was pleasantly impressed and would like something in my style, for the cover of ENYPHEN's next album, that's how he pronounced it!

After I heard him say those words over the phone I was silent, not because I was thinking about it - of course I was speechless.

It had to be some scam, it had to be! There can be no such coincidence in real life.

The man emailed me his calling card, so I could look up the information on the Internet, and a place to meet.

At Hybe's headquarters.

Are you kidding me? Ester said thus. "Do you think I would let you go alone? What if he is a maniac?"

I didn't speak Korean at the time, but I knew English pretty well, so, yes, I was able to get the job, but in the end, for some reason, my illustration was used for the SIDE B of the album, completely different, official but not primary concept version. I was quite hurt at first, but then I realized that it was already absurd to be able to work with them, I really had no complaints.

Of course, we never met either BTS or ENHYPEN, although once I went alone (I couldn't always go with Ester), I saw Beomgyu from TXT who I have a very heavy crush on, although he always gave me very strange vibes. I obviously didn't even get close to him and looked at him from a distance, however, he was in a hurry anyway, so it's not certain that he would stop.

Okay, let's move on!

After the collaboration was over, I pocketed good money, we ate takeout for at least two weeks in a row, we went in clubs all the time, while every now and then I had flashbacks of my ex-boyfriend, for whom I had begun to feel a strange empathy, as if he were mentally ill. It wasn't the cousin thing as the fact that he had no need to look for a lover - we pretty much did it all the time! It was one of the few things I did well and fucking gladly!

But maybe, I wasn't good enough?

Months passed, Ester taught me Korean, which she had taught herself, and while she was having fun with a lot of guys, I had entered a new state of paralysis. After working with Hybe I expected many requests, many contacts, would come, but instead nothing. Small jobs for small activities with small monetary and psychological rewards.

I didn't do the same as Ester not because I was demure - that adjective was never a part of me - as much as because I still couldn't understand let alone speak Korean, and not everyone knew English, so sometimes it happened that I felt uncomfortable, out of place. I managed to use the time of work paralysis to engage in study, I had to have a social life too! Independently of Ester!

Eventually I decided that for ten hours a day Ester and I could communicate only in Korean, she agreed without thinking and began the experiment. After three months I was able to speak Korean almost fluently, to the point that sometimes we did not even return to speaking Italian.

I was ready to embark on enterprising and exciting multi-ethnic relationships, socializing, and trying to understand South Korea better!

I discovered that it was a terrible place.

Not so much from the foreigner's point of view, but for the Koreans themselves, all very rigid with each other and with themselves, always competing, but also misogynistic, macho, not to mention the jokes about foreign women I heard! Terrible.

Tired of South Korea, after only a year, I talked to Ester about going back-it came out as a hypothetical, after all, I was going to do what she wanted anyway. I didn't want to be alone, and she seemed happy to live with me.

She convinced me to stay a little longer, she wanted to introduce me to her official boyfriend, a good one, really, not interested exclusively in sex! Yes, they are all like that, I had experienced it myself.

Just before I could meet him, however, the two broke up. Sad for Ester who looked devastated, but underneath happy, maybe to be able to go back to Sorrento, to breathe clean air, I consoled her for a whole night, we stayed up drinking and laughing, or crying.

Before I went to bed, in the early hours of dawn, I looked at my cell phone as usual and noticed that Hybe had texted me, again!

Sleep disappeared, I went back to Ester, who had fallen asleep on the floor in the living room, and woke her up to tell her the fantastic news, fuck, I was so excited! Who was I going to work for this time? TXT? BTS? Seventeen?

Copyright violation: that was the subject line, and oddly enough, the entire email was written completely and exclusively in Korean. I was being sued on behalf of Hybe for infringing the copyright of a Pakistan artist who had in turn sued Hybe, because of my design, and won!

What great news! I had gotten incredibly good at Korean.

"Ama, are you okay? Oh, Ama? You look pale!" Ester had said, grabbing me by the shoulders and shaking me.

"Hybe wants compensation of eight hundred million won," I had said, under my breath, incredulously, "that's like five hundred thousand euros."

"But you don't have it!"

"I know I don't have it."

"Then you can't give it to them, sue them!"

Yes, it would have been nice and easy but I had no idea how the law worked in Korea, and anyway I couldn't sue them because the contract I had signed had exactly one copyright clause in it. If I had in any way caused damage to the agency's image, through copyright infringement, I would have been called upon to compensate them one billion won, which however had been generously raised to eight hundred million, to make it easier for me, understand?

I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. Reach Mexico? Return to Italy? Apply for a loan? And would they grant it to me? Ester advised me to talk to them directly and look for a reasonable solution, offered to accompany me, but when we arranged to meet, they told me to show up alone, or with my lawyer, although this was not necessary because we would talk about it cordially.

I knew Korean quite well now, and inside Hybe practically everyone spoke English. I'll go alone.

I met the CEO himself, a man with round glasses and a kind, smiling, serene face, Park Jiwon. He told me to make myself comfortable and congratulated me for going without a lawyer, since what he was going to propose was best heard only by me.

"Changing the illustration from SIDE A to SIDE B, that was your greatest good fortune, wasn't it?" He had said, smiling in that gentle way that was now chilling.

"I am deeply sorry Mr. Park, I have never seen-"

"I know you can't pay - he had politely interrupted me, getting up from his desk and motioning his secretary to leave. - I'm here to offer you something beneficial, in which you'll always be safe and won't have to worry about, however, it's up to you to decide whether you'd rather return the money or not."

It's called the Jyp method.

Are you curious? This is a funny story.

Korean idols, whether male or female, are people of extreme beauty. It's unthinkable that they won't touch or let anyone touch them for years on end, but that's exactly what the fans want - who feel they are in complete control of their bodies.

Creepy, I realize, but it is quite normal in some parts of Asia.

So how can these poor boys "let off steam"?

The males are given a girl to live with them, together they can have as much fun as they want but within the limits of the host's safety and preferences.

For females it is a bit different but he still wanted to explain it to me, in fact for them multiple partners are needed and these partners do not live with them, but they can make appointments, as if they were gigolos working only for them.

The reason why this is used is because of scandals, any outside relationship cannot really be monitored by the agency. If girls and boys do not need to look for a stable partner and can simply take out their sexual desires on someone, the risk of scandal decreases significantly and their popularity is safe, as are the earnings on them.

In contrast to male guests, female guests tend to be a bit more problematic, which is why only one is usually chosen.

He makes it clear up front that it is forbidden to have relationships with idols, both parties must behave respectfully, and for any complaints from the guest, the agency will take appropriate action, so it is a completely safe situation, understand?

It is called the Jyp method because it was the CEO of the music label of the same name who invented it.

What do you care, you should do it! That's what I thought too, I mean - the band in question was really Enyphen! That way you won't have to pay for it anymore and you'll be hanging out with a lot of pretty boys! That's what you're thinking, it's obvious, really - I thought it first.

Yet to say yes, just offhand, I didn't feel like it.

Mr. Park told me to think about it calmly, giving me two days.

I talked to Ester about it; she did not give me any advice.

She just told me to read the contract well, this time, in case I wanted to accept it, but still she would not judge me, and then I could present them to her - even though I still knew nothing about how the matter was going to unfold.

Clearly I agreed, it was obvious, wasn't it? Otherwise we wouldn't be here.

NEXT CHAPTER:

[loganelfreeces]

Hi, I’ve been seeing windbreaker stuff on my dash for a bit now. Would you mind telling me about it?

Hello dear Follower and THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE CHANCE TO INFO DUMP ABOUT MY NEWEST OBSESSION!

Wind Breaker (Stylised all capitals) is a manga by Satoru Nii, who has written one series before: Danshi Badminton-bu ni Joshi ga Magireteru: Secret Badminton Club, a sports comedy I haven't read so I can't say anything about it. Nii-sensei is a big fan of Tokyo Revengers, a delinquant anime I also haven't watched, but Wind Breaker has been compared to it a bunch because they share a genre.

The manga recently got adapted by studio CloverWorks, who adapted The Promised Neverland, Spy X Family and Black Butler: Public School Arc. The soundtrack was done by one Ryo Takahashi and it is beautiful!

The anime follows the adventures of one Haruka Sakura, who's been bullied in a normal every day Japan his entire life for his completely natural protagonisty looks. As such, he decided the only reasonable response was to become a badass delinquant who don't need no friends to become the King of Furin High School, the country's most famous delinquant high school where fights happen every day and the local area is terrorised all the time.

Except when Sakura arrives, he ends up helping out Tachibana Kotoha when some guys were harassing her and when she thanks him for saving her from these thugs, he does this:

"It's not like I saved you or anything! I just couldn't stand that guy!"

And I have been fucking obsessed with this little Tsundere ever since.

So is everyone else in the town of Makochi, because it turns out that the students of Furin High School have been united under the banner of one Umemiya Hajime.

Umemiya got them all to protect the town from the rival gangs and teams, allowing Makochi to have some peaceful days so every time we see some random extra, they're almost always showering the Furin kids in free food and praise.

And our beloved, adorable Sakura, has almost certainly never been treated with any kindness, so it's beautiful watching how he reacts.

Of course, just because the town is peaceful, doesn't mean there aren't problems. There's no police so, Furin have to protect the town from violent gangs, like:

Shishitoren, the Devotees of Power

KEEL, the bastards who rule with an iron fist of fear

And every random unnamed small gang of mooks who pop up when things get too chill.

Luckily for us, we've got plenty of interesting characters in Bofurin to help Sakura get socialised like the feral kitten that he is and to fight the bad guys!

We've got Nirei Akihiko, the weak but clever guy who knows everything about everyone and has a pretty strong backbone, all things considered. (He is not a new Zenitsu, stop comparing the two)

We've got Suo Hayato, the fan favourite who introduced himself as being "Leonardo Dicpario" and then spent his entire first fight in the anime psycholocally analysing and torturing his opponant.

We've got Sugishita Kyotaro, the silent but zealous Umemiya fanboy who hates Sakura because he still wants to become Top Of The School.

We've got Hiragi Toma, the ever exhausted Dad leader of the Tamon Team and one of Umemiya's 4 Kings, his direct advisors and helpers.

We've got Umemiya Hajime himself, the goofy third year leader of Furin High School who has proclaimed himself everyone's Big Brother and sees everyone in Makochi as part of his family because of his Tragic Backstory.

Plus loads more I do not have the time to get into.

The anime is soooo fun, full of really funny scenes, but also really heart warming ones. It's all about building and being active in your community to make things better for those around you, listening to the people around you to understand them, how to be a good leader and when to stand your ground and when to let others help you.

The manga also has some very strong themes about being yourself around Haruka and an extremely Queer Manga only character who has cameoed in the anime, but hasn't made a proper introduction yet. Tsubakino "Tsubaki-chan" Tasuku.

I won't spoil things too much, but Furin is an All Boy's School and Tsubaki-chan has a very strong personal arc about their clothing choices, hair choices and their feelings for Umemiya. And it's all handled very kindly and sincerely.

Season 2 has been announced for sometime next year while the Manga just hit 150 chapters. I'd highly recommend getting interested, because it very much feels like things are only just getting started for Windbreaker.

Please come be insane about Windbreaker with me.

[pichiru]

The Sun Also Smiles - Chapter 4

Chapters - [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9]

Summary - With Mabel and Dipper's 16th birthday party on the horizon, Grunkle Stan takes to online dating to find a date for the party. Things start to get real weird real fast.

Word Count - 3,035

Pairing(s) - Stan Pines x OC

Genre(s): Romance, Comedy, Mystery

A/N: There is a bit of verbal sexual harassment in this chapter! So please tread lightly if that's something you're sensitive to!

~~~~~~~~

"S-Solanaaaaaa! H-Heeyyyyy," Stan said nervously, avoiding eye contact with her completely. He was looking at every single spot but her eyes or her boobs, er, her body. Fuck.

"Wow. You really are a shy old guy," she giggled, covering her mouth a little. "This is why I didn't want to meet you so soon. I knew that you would start treating me differently immediately."

"N-No! I'm not!" Stan said quickly, looking into her eyes instantly when he spoke. "I just wasn't...expectin to...see ya so soon."

"Ah, so you weren't being a creepy stalker and this is just pure happenstance?" She joked, folding her arms across her chest which made the cleavage in the keyhole of her shirt push up.

Stan's eyes trailed down to her chest then swiftly back up at her face. "Yeah, exactly! Nothin crazy like that. My niece wanted to come here for uh...reasons that aren't important right now."

While Stan was talking, Solana was twirling her hair around her right index finger, which, again, pushed her boobs up into the keyhole even further. She was enthralled by how stacked Stan was in person. He looked like he worked out more than just a couple times a month. His stature was thick but tall of course. Couldn't have been shorter than 6'2. For an older man, that was certainly impressive.

A laugh suddenly came from Stan. "Who's the one eye fuckin who now?" he laughed once more.

Solana shot him a smirk before licking her lips subtly. "Look, I never said I was above doing it," she responded with a light shrug of her shoulders. "You certainly are sexy though. Pictures don't and never will do you justice. And the gold chain? Ooh," she shuddered before giggling.

Stan's entire face was red now. He didn't think she'd be so straightforward in person but she definitely did match his energy at least. He clenched his cane to keep himself tethered to what little bit of sanity he even had left from years of bullshit. She was so very beautiful so-

"Why are ya...so..."

"So...what?"

"Avoidant about bein seen?" he asked curiously.

"I told you. People start to treat me differently when they see me," she said, shrugging slightly.

"Why?" He was so confused about this entire concept. "Isn't it a good thing for a dame like you to get all the attention?"

"No. It's...different. Very different," she replied, a sad tinge to her tone.

Just as Stan was about to ask her another question, Mabel and Maze came shuffling over to him to show him a basket of treasures they found in the store so far.

"Grunkle Stan, Grunkle Stan!" Mabel squealed happily as she practically vibrated out of her skin. "Look, look!" she said, holding the shopping basket up to him.

"Those little trinkets are 50% off to the cutest kid in the store," Solana said matter of factly to Mabel with a genuine smile.

Mabel stopped in her tracks and slowly turned to look at Solana. "Shut...UP!!!!" She screamed excitedly, jumping now. "That's definitely me!!"

"We're literally twins," Maze chimed in, rolling his eyes.

"Fraternal!" Mabel reminded with a cheeky grin, twisting her index finger into her cheek.

"Well 50% off to everyone who's a twin!" Solana laughed.

"Hey, I'm a twin. Does that mean I get the discount too?" Stan chuckled.

"Hmm...I'm gonna need proof of that statement," she said as she squinted at Stan, not truly believing him.

"Hold on!" Mabel said as she pulled out her phone and started looking through her massive collection of pictures. Selfies specifically. She scrolled furiously until she found a selfie with her, Maze, Ford, and Stan. She showed Solana the picture and Solana bent down slightly to look at the screen.

"Oooh, okay. He wasn't lying. Two identically handsome men. Interesting," Solana mused with a purse of her lips as she peeked at Stan out the corner of her eye briefly. "Discounts across the board then!" She nodded and turned to the twins to get a good look at them.

"You two are actually adorable. Like actually," Solana complimented.

"Thank yooouuuuu!" Mabel said gratefully. Meanwhile, Maze was hiding behind his hair, blushing furiously. Mabel nudged him. "Say thank you," she grumbled to him quietly.

"T-Thank you," he murmured shyly as he shoved his hands into his pockets so he couldn't fidget anymore.

"Uh, kids. Are you done shoppin or do ya need more?" Stan asked them. He really just wanted to be alone with Solana for a moment longer.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." Mabel droned as she leaned her head back to think.

"You seem like the type of girl to enjoy a good mini cat figurine," Solana surmised. "Am I right?"

Mabel looked up at Solana with big eyes. "Yes..." She said in a serious tone that showed just how excited she was.

"Aisle 21." Solana gave her a sweet smile as Mabel grabbed Maze and drug him over to the exact aisle that was mentioned.

Stan was impressed with how well she handled the kids. She was so motherly and kind. His heart started racing at the thought of her genuinely being interested in him. Her motherly tendencies did something for him. Did he have mommy issues? Fuck.

"You think a lot, don't you?" Solana asked, breaking Stan's train of thought. "Allow me to remedy that," she cooed as she walked closer to him. "May I?" She motioned with her hands that she was asking to touch him.

He couldn't do anything but freeze in place once she moved closer. "Y-Yeah," he stammered, nodding quickly.

Solana smiled at him then stretched up onto her tippy toes to place a kiss at the corner of his mouth, leaving behind a bit of the lip gloss she had on. "Better?" she asked.

Stan had a love stricken expression written plain as day across his face when he processed the kiss. "Yeah. Better," he said in a dreamy voice.

"You're so cute," Solana chuckled. "Haven't you been married before?"

"Nah, I...I got dangerously close but it didn't pan out. It's fine though," Stan said, brushing it off. He didn't want to talk to his new flame about his old flames. Felt weird.

"Something tells me it isn't fine but I'll let it be. For now." She turned to the mess on the ground behind them and began to pick the stuff up. She crouched down and put everything back on the lower shelves from where they fell, humming as she did so.

Stan looked around, not knowing what to do or say to her at this point. He was going to speak but a voice boomed through the store. He groaned in frustration at being interrupted for the millionth time with her.

"Solana!" the voice yelled. "Where are you?"

She sighed and murmured under her breath before standing back up and flattening out her clothes. "Yes, Chip?" she called out, walking past Stan to the end of the aisle where she knew he was going to be.

A lanky, lightly tanned man with perfectly coiffed hair and a pair of black sunglasses walked up to Solana. Even though he had the sunglasses on, you can still tell he was looking at her in a way that would make anyone, woman or not, uncomfortable as hell.

"You look good today," he said with a shit eating grin. "Loving the new and improved uniform on you. What you did with it is so...mmm! You know?" he said to her quietly.

"Chip, I don't have time for you right now. I have a store to run. Your store. You know. The one you opened?" She said as she rolled her eyes at him. "Why are you even here today? You come in on Sundays and Wednesdays. It's literally Saturday."

"I gotta be honest. I wanted to see you," he said, holding his hands up in defense, still smiling that stupid smile.

"Well good for you because I definitely don't want to see you," She said as she turned to walk away from him before he grabbed her arm. Almost immediately, Stan was standing between the two of them, towering over Chip and facing him.

"The lady said she doesn't wanna be bothered. Ya better leave 'er alone or I'll have to intervene," Stan said, standing directly in front of Solana to protect her from even being looked at by that disgusting...

"And who are you?" Chip asked, looking up at Stan, never once dropping that smile.

"He's my boyfriend and he doesn't take lightly to someone touching me," Solana said quickly.

Stan faltered slightly, not expecting her to say that so freely. He immediately regained his composure and looked at Chip sternly, his eyebrows flat, mouth set in a hard line. He wasn't about to show weakness to this...this dickhead.

"Boyfriend? You never mentioned that," Chip said, adjusting his glasses. "Kinda old."

"She doesn't have to," Stan said curtly, cutting him off and leaving no room for ifs, ands, or buts about it. "Leave."

Chip tried to peek around Stan's large shoulders to see Solana but Stan blocked every advance he tried to make.

"I said, leave," he said in a much more firm tone as he leaned down closer to Chip's face.

Chip threw his hands up in defeat. "This is my store after all. I'll definitely be back. Don't you worry about it." He kept that same smile on his face as he turned and left the store. He hopped into his sports car, started it up, and drove away at a blinding speed.

Solana was breathing heavily behind Stan, starting to have a bit of an anxiety attack. Stan swiveled around on his heels to meet her face to face.

"You okay?" he asked in a concerned voice. He didn't know how to deal with his own anxiety let alone someone else's.

"Yeah, I..." She said as she looked down at her clothes in disgust. It was very obvious that Chip had a hand in how she dressed at this job. It was awful for her.

"Are the kids ready to check out?" She chirped, trying to change the subject.

"Solana-" Stan started.

"Don't worry about it. I'm fine," she said firmly. "It's fine. I'm fine. Everything's fucking fine!" she snapped before adjusting her clothes and walking off.

Stan stood there in disbelief. He didn't think negatively about her. In fact, he felt an insatiable urge to protect her. Protect her from this creep, protect her from all men, from everything. Of course he ogled her when he first saw her but he reigned it in the moment he felt that twinge of loyalty to Solana before he knew it was her. He didn't want to be like Chip. He wanted to treat her nicely and treat her the way a beautiful woman like her deserved to be treated.

After gathering himself and flattening his suit coat, Stan walked out of the aisle to go find the kids only to find Solana checking them out at an impressive speed. He walked over to them slowly in silence, not wanting to disturb the flow.

"Grunkle Stan, Miss Solana is giving us so many discounts! I got sooooo many mini cat figurines. She was right. I do love a good mini cat figurine," Mabel rambled excitedly.

Solana was avoiding eye contact with everyone, especially Stan. She couldn't stand to see what he thought of her after that.

"So we're having a grand opening sale for 20% off of most things and then I'm giving you my employee discount of 30% which means you're getting everything half off," Solana explained as she started bagging everything up since she was done scanning. "So your total is $615.03."

Mabel and Maze froze in their places at the mention of that number. They slowly turned to look at Stan who looked completely disinterested in whatever was being said. He was focused on Solana and how avoidant she was being. Maybe she was doing it in front of the kids for their sake but he knew it wasn't that.

Stan pulled his wallet out and opened it to grab a stack of money. He whipped out a couple of hundreds plus a few more smaller bills to cover the price. He handed it all to Solana who took it without hesitation and put it into the register.

Solana handed the bags to the kids and smiled at them. "I hope you have an amazing time creating whatever it is you're creating. I hope to see it floating around the town one day if possible."

Mabel cheesed hard at Solana's words. "Thank yooouuuu!" she said loudly as she grabbed two bags and left the other three for Maze and Stan to take. Maze, being the good brother and nephew he was, took two of the heaviest bags to spare Stan from hurting himself. Or so he thought that's what he was doing.

"Kids, I'll meet you at the car," Stan said calmly, looking directly at Solana who was still avoiding his eye line.

"O...kay?" Maze said as he looked between the both of them then walked off with Mabel towards the entrance of the store. "What the heck was that about?" he murmured to her quietly, making sure neither Stan or Solana heard him.

Stan placed his hands flat on the register table they were at, his eyes never leaving Solana. She fidgeted so incessantly that it made him feel weird for even looking at her.

"I'm sorry," Stan said simply.

"For what? You didn't do anything wrong," she responded, tucking hair behind her ear as she spoke, still not looking at him.

"The way you're actin got me feelin like I did. I'm sorry for interferin."

Solana sighed and looked at Stan finally. "It's not that. I feel..." She groaned slightly. "Disgusting. This is exactly why I didn't want to meet you in person. Yet. I always have interactions like this with men specifically."

"Why?" Stan asked curiously.

"I don't know. I genuinely don't know. It's..." She laughed bitterly and shook her head. "At least you did it in your head and not outright."

Stan's face heated up. He wished he never did that in the first place and she brought it back up again. "I'm sorry about that too. But you know what's funny?"

"What?"

"I stopped cuz I felt this...connection to ya last night and I felt like I was...bein disloyal in this...'talking stage'? Or whatever my niece called it," he admitted, grumbling at the end.

Solana's heart melted at Stan's admission. She smiled at him and reached over to place her hand on top of his. She squeezed it thoughtfully. "Yeah?" She asked with a crooked smile.

His eyes briefly dropped down to their hands touching. "Yeah," he confirmed, leaning forward towards her a bit.

"I mean I should have expected this much from my boyfriend," she teased while giggling.

Stan laughed at her bringing her own words back up. "That...That got me when you said it. I thought I was goin insane when I heard it."

"No, not at all. I wouldn't mind it becoming reality one day," she paused. "Soon." Her eyes dropped to his lips for but a moment but he caught the gesture almost immediately.

"May I?" he asked, echoing her from before things went haywire. His own eyes were wandering over the features of her face. He couldn't help it. Her beauty rivaled even the mermaids he saw on his voyage with Ford.

"Such a gentleman for asking," she cooed. "Of course," she allowed.

He leaned down to Solana until their lips finally met. Their eyes closed immediately to truly lose themselves in the kiss. She squeezed his hand tightly, showing that she was restraining herself from doing much more than a simple kiss. She couldn't help herself and deepened the kiss a little more before Stan politely pulled away from her lips slightly.

"I'd be willin to continue this somewhere private if I wasn't babysittin right now," he whispered against her lips before kissing her a few more times.

Solana hummed into the subsequent kisses, her eyelashes fluttering at the same time. "Got any free time tonight?" She asked boldly, trying to catch her lips between every word she spoke.

"I might. I'll text ya and let ya know. Sound good?"

"Yeah. Sounds good," she said in a hurried tone.

Stan gave her a few more kisses before pulling away completely and fixing his clothes.

Mabel and Maze were standing outside Stan's car with their jaws dropped to the ground. Mabel dropped her bags. They slowly looked at each other in complete shock. They saw the entire encounter.

"Did Grunkle Stan just..." Mabel asked.

"He did..." Maze responded.

"Here he comes, here he comes! Act natural!" Mabel said quickly and quietly. She scrambled to pick up the bags.

When the doors opened, Stan walked through them and looked at the twins in confusion.

"The car was open," he said to them slowly, not completely sure why they were still standing and waiting.

"Oh! hahahaha!" Mabel laughed awkwardly as she scrambled into the car. She didn't really give much more of an answer than that, leaving Maze to pick up the pieces instead. Maze looked at Mabel with an expression that disapproved of her immediate betrayal.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." Maze said before he suddenly retreated and got into the backseat with Mabel.

"I thought you wanted to sit in the front, kid?" Stan said as he approached the driver's side and opened the door to get in.

"Naaahhhhh. I decided I wanna sit with Mabel," Maze said quickly with a nod.

"Gotcha," Stan said as he got in and closed the door. He pulled out his keys then started the car up.

"Your old grunkle got a date tonight. So I want you two to take care of each other and Sixer while I'm gone for the night," Stan said as he put the car in reverse and turned around to back out of the spot.

The twins sat in their seats, frozen. A date? They thought to themselves.

[theresattrpgforthat]

Hi there! I’m running a Christmas one-shot for a few mates of mine. I’ve told them to make DnD characters because it’s the system they are familiar with (I play a greater variety of systems then they do and I’m determined to infect them with indie ttrpgs eventually). Even though it’s DnD, I was wondering if you knew any cool Christmas related systems I could read up on and maybe borrow a rule or two from and graft in to make the one shot a bit more interesting?

So far I’m thinking either a standard “the magic is fading” plot line or an office comedy, both based in Santas workshop. If you can’t think of anything don’t worry, I’m going to have a look through my library either way and see what I can find.

Love this blog! ❤️

THEME: Christmas Games

Hello friend! This one-shot idea sounds so cool! Let's see what we've got to work with.

Oh Holy… What Happened Last Night? By OopsAllSmurph.

Santa’s out of town until the night of Christmas Eve, but he left you all, a group of his most trusted North Pole townsfolk, in charge of the North Pole until he got back. You did what anyone would do with a magical city at their fingertips -- throw a MASSIVE rager. After a little too much eggnog, you’ve all woken up with 2 problems: A massive hangover, and a North Pole in disrepair.

You’ve got until midnight tonight, Christmas Eve, to put the North Pole back to the way it was (or hide it well enough nobody will noticed) so Santa can leave for his trip around the world without a hitch! 

This a simple one-page game that might work well as inspiration for your office comedy idea, perhaps if your characters have to help all the inhabitants of the North Pole get cleaned up before Santa comes back. You can roll randomly for lost and broken items, and add extra obstacles like find all the stray reindeer, put kids’ names back on the toys, and pay the Grinch his protection money!

Elf in Your Self, by StarshineScribbles.

The Elf:  Fear it. Run from it. No matter what you do, You can't escape it.

Every Christmas, the Elf arrives out of nowhere.  Sitting on your shelf. Leering at you. Trying to make you behave. Trying to enforce compliance with some half-remembered dogma about Naughty and Nice lists.  Also, it might be possessed by a demon…

The only way to return peace to your home is to destroy it before it takes control of your mind.

Elf In Your Self is a game about a dark version of everyone's favorite surveillance-based Christmas decoration.  Players will use a deck of cards to tell the story of their attempts to banish this evil force from their homes. But beware, one wrong move and you may become possessed by the Elf! 

This feels like a game of collaborative go-fish but with a horror-movie twist. You are attempting to put together a ritual that will weaken the Elf in an attempt to get rid of it by the end of the game, but your players will become possessed by the Elf if they are forced to draw from more resources. I suppose you could use this as a mini-game inside a larger story about an Elf that has been causing havoc in Santa’s workshop, or perhaps use the idea of a big bad demon harassing a Christmas Town by possessing an innocent villager.

Christmas Goons, by hechlok.

The wizard Santiclous is looking for a mysterious artifact to light on the top of the Christmas tree - help him save the magic of Christmas!

Ruins, machines, lost gnomes, and Christmas presents await you. Let's get to it, Christmas Goons!

Christmas Goons is a short dungeon crawl that brings your characters through the ruins of a gnomish inventor’s home base. This adventure is designed for Tunnel Goons, but the dungeon map looks like it could be used for any game you like. There are details for each room, with suggested obstacles that you might be able to re-skin for the game of your choice. The adventure is also free!

Oh Bring Us Some Figgy Pudding, by Tim Obermueller.

Over seven nights, you are trying to defend your figgy pudding from increasingly hostile carolers. Good luck!

This is a tactical game of pudding defense, with increasing levels of difficulty as the carolers whittle away at your skills over seven nights. I could see this being some kind of possession or zombie storyline, with the carolers having a mindless fixation on the pudding, and your characters have to spend seven nights/rounds of combat fending them off with different tactics.

A Christmas Belonging, by dannymakesrpgs.

A Christmas Belonging gives you snow covered landscapes, quaint small towns, and the low stakes high drama experience of a made-for-TV Christmas movie. Recreate those cheerful stories of romance and family drama in this collaborative, zero-prep RPG.

This is a diceless game about someone who prioritizes work over family, coming from the big city into a small Christmas town, where they meet someone who changes their outlook on Christmas - and on life. Extremely trophy, extremely cheesy, and great for folks who love taking a genre and pushing it as far as it can go.

I’m not entirely sure how to incorporate this into a traditional D&D game, but perhaps it might be a subplot that goes on in the background; perhaps an adventurer who is here just for treasure meets a cute local who wants them to slow down and experience the meaningful magic of a local holiday. Perhaps this cute local’s magic ritual is exactly what is needed to solve the adventurer’s problem!

You Will Be Haunted by Three Spirits, by Meghan Cross.

You Will be Haunted by Three Spirits is a GMless game for three players about changing the heart of someone who desperately needs it. Each player will take on the role of a spirit as well as collaboratively taking on the  role of the individual being haunted by the spirits.

It is roleplay heavy, GMless game that is played in three rounds as each of the spirits reaches out to the Haunted in an attempt to soften their heart and convince them to change their ways. All that is needed for play is this game text and a set of dice. Players will each take on the role of one of the visiting spirits as well as collaboratively playing the role of the Haunted as they are visited by the spirits attempting to save their soul and change their heart. 

This is probably my favourite holiday trope. It is probably the most heartfelt game on this list, and the least likely to travel into goofy territory. The biggest obstacle to using this game its that it requires three players only if you play as written - one to be the Past, one to be the Present, and on to be the Spirit of What Is To Come.

However, if you want to use it as inspiration, you might set up the party with the job of convincing their Haunted to change their ways so that the magic of Christmas is returned before it is too late. You could have some characters taking on the embodiment of different Spirits, while others work to bring about the miraculous events of the past, present and future. If you want to embody some of the magic and warmth of Christmas, this might be the game for you.

[maircries]

Mair’s Mini Episode Six through Thirteen Relisten:

Renee’s so fucking funny I love her. Everyone should’ve been able to clock her as a theatre kid immediately

Renee’s the type of person to ask if she needs to have a sense of humor to get a job

She has no chill at all what a queen

“It was good” she’s so ridiculous

Hey DC!! Me too! Queen! I want to kiss you on the mouth.

“You want a chai?” “Whatever you’d like.”

Okay on a serious note, this is SUCH a red flag for a new job. Like if I walked in and they offered it to me on the spot I’d be like so what the fuck is wrong with this place that is so bad you want me like that?

Slay queen snap at your potential new employers!!!

I hate how fucking well he manipulates people

I truly can’t imagine how hard it was for Renee to make this decision. Like I can barely leave my cat for a weekend without getting upset or panicked and missing her immensely

YOU MATTER TO ME NO MATTER WHAT RENEE

I fully do not remember in what order these happy except that he’s a damn shame they didn’t save Doug for last given all the mystery surrounding him

OOOH HILBERT

Hilbert���s is such a good one

Wow! I have no clue what they said!!

Already hilbert sounds so tired with his work and his life

I don’t know the fact that Cutter sounds EXACTLY the same in the 1980s as he does now missed me. What kind of blinders did I have on?

Like hilberts is easily explained by the fact that We know he had at least one doctorate at this time, making him likely late 20s early 30s and (I’m pretty sure) is described as being older in the present, not to mention, again, he SOUNDS older, tired, more put through

But Cutter sounds young, youthful and fresh the whole time. I’d have no confidence pinning an age on him but his voice gives me 20s-30s, back in the 80s AND now. Should’ve been obvious dude was doing some incredibly shady shit

AGAIN HOW DID I NOT CATCH THAT. FUCKING WILLIAM CARTER. PRYCE AND CARTER

Ah, Kepler. Alana why would you let him wear you down

“You don’t want to be here do you! 🤠”

Yeah no I do love Alana a little bit

The comedy in this podcast cannot be understated

“Someone who’s good at talking to things that aren’t humans” I think parallels between Doug and Alana would be SO fascinating to study

“I do have this long elaborate plan to infiltrate the company and bring it down from the inside” Isabel you fucking PROPHET

“No, I am not an alien!” The foreshadowing in this show is not so subtle sometimes

Sorry towards the end of Isabel’s ep I was just picturing the first episode of Dropout’s GameChanger, but instead of Isabel’s SO behind the lie detector it was Cutter clicking the button to harass her into the job. Which is objectively a hilarious mental image

JACOBIIIIIIII

The bartender is such a goddamn mood

Absolutely WILD to me that Jacobi never got any sort of therapy for this

“A professional breaker-downer” me talking about how much I cry

No but was Kepler sent there to recruit him? Did he just have a good feeling? What if Kepler was just like yo I have today off let’s go to the bar and pick someone up and then Jacobi drops the story and he’s like FUCK never mind time to recruit

Oh shit it’s the Hera one. One of the ones that makes me unwell

God don’t be such a bitch Rachel

Hera you icon

Seriously why does Rachel dislike her so much

Hera IS absolutely terrifying

(This is still my AI vendetta)

But I’m still VERY unwell about her

Goddamn I forgot Zach wrote this episode.

IM LRETTY SHRE JRS TIME

TIME FOR MY BOYYYYYYY

“Guilty as charged” Doug I want to hold you so closely

“I’m not sure how that works around here” he’s once again being pretty goddamn fucking reasonable

What did he want to try to appeal tho? Like overall he’s pretty much accepted that he fucked up, so I don’t see why he’d want to appeal the child endangerment charges. Maybe the kidnapping?

God I cannot stand how Rachel is acting all snippy and holier than thou over Doug just because he’s in jail. Like girlie, look at what YOU do. You should be in prison many times over 🤨

I want to know what his military disciplinary record was

His fucking godfather impression

Doug I fucking cherish you

God I fucking. I forgot. He was prepared to take it all because he thought he deserved it. How could I forget such an important thing.

I think Doug should’ve gotten the pg-13 f bomb, and I think it should’ve been now when he calls cutter a motherfucker. He deserves it.

But god, how SERIOUS and angry he got when cutter says her name. My heart.

I always and will never not be wondering if they actually followed through. If they did and have been and still are paying for all of Anne’s needs and treatments. And if they’re not, if they haven’t been, who’s going to hold Goddard accountable? Because Doug won’t remember that agreement.

I physically do not think I could be normal about Doug Eiffel ever

The fucking comedic timing

I enjoy that Warren is afraid of cutter

I love that Rachel was like “his career is over :D” and then he got a goddamn promotion

I like seeing bad things happen to bad people

“I thought you didn’t do interviews….” I hate that he’s so funny sometimes

Goddamn we get the peak into the classified files this early???

I think if I had to sit and physically wait for these episode releases I would have died. I don’t think I would have survived.

[period-dramallama]

Review: Legacy by Susan Kay, Prologue-2.1

So Legacy is a big book so rather than keep y’all waiting while I drown in notes, I’m going to read a third of the book, review it, then read the next third and review that, and so on.

Let’s go girls.

If I were to theorise, I would say that I think Susan Kay is a perfectionist. She has written 2 novels, both award winning, and the second one was 32 years ago. I don’t think it’s the case that she had only one novel in her and never had ideas again. I imagine that she’s had ideas since Phantom but they’re not brilliant enough in her eyes to be worthy of penning. I could be completely wrong. There is something alluringly mysterious about dropping 2 award winning books in 6 years and then vanishing from the public eye. Not even twitter. Well done, Ms Kay. Well done. What a legend.

I wonder if she knew she would only write one Tudor novel, because there’s so many ideas squashed in here. It’s like a compilation of Every Idea About The Tudor Period I Have Ever Had. Lots of ideas here that would make for interesting novellas or novelettes, like Henry’s relationship with Elizabeth.

There’s an exchange when Elizabeth says Mary had freedom of conscience under Edward and Mary is like “yeah because I’m right and I would have died for it” SOMEBODY was watching Elizabeth R episode 1 lmao.

Characterisation

The relationship between Henry and Elizabeth is slightly mesmerising. He hates and fears her, she’s defiant, but he also wishes she were his son- that his son and heir had her personality. No evidence that Henry was ever disappointed with Edward- why would he be? He’s an impressive kid!

John Dudley’s lack of sentiment regarding his father’s fate and his own career makes an interesting contrast with Robin and Elizabeth who really can’t escape the shadows of their parents. There’s emphasis on the trauma of Katherine Howard’s execution and the necessity of Ashley at her side.

Tom Seymour is well-characterised. He’s a snob. There’s an element of punishment in his harassment of Elizabeth: the desire to essentially ‘take her down a peg’. There’s jealousy and anger fuelling his actions: anger at Elizabeth for rejecting him and thereby revealing him as an old has-been, not as his ego image. He’s jealous of her charming younger people, but he’s also hypocritical in his jealousy. He claims women are possessive, but he’s angry at her flirting with others. Elizabeth beats him with a pillow and tries to kick him- an excuse for a release of the repressed anger and helplessness she feels- ‘socially unacceptable emotions’ as well as resentment of him. Her pent up rage is better captured than in BE. The narrative keeps calling him her lover (SHUT UP ABOUT THE LORD ADMIRAL! SHUT UP ABOUT THE LORD ADMIRAL!) but it’s obvious there’s no love for her at all. He blames her for tempting him, slaps her, calls her a bitch: “the girl’s a natural guttersnipe at heart.” He describes his past girlfriends as “an enchanting but decidedly inferior breed.” He can’t handle how Elizabeth makes him feel emasculated.

I like Ned Seymour’s haunting scene with Elizabeth even if ‘remember me when you are queen” is a bit unrealistic. More useful to Elizabeth’s arc than whatever their relationship was in BE, which was similar, but not as punchy. Here we get a clear lesson that she can take from Eddie S. Cecil’s bond with Elizabeth is also pretty neat.

Justice for Amy! They’re such dicks to her. At least Kay acknowledges Elizabeth’s bitchier side, and she and Robert are still interesting characters, so I wouldn’t say it detracts from the overall story. We get a sense of Elizabeth’s magnetism. I like her compulsive need to lie to Mary out of mental one up-manship.

A little bit too much credit to Simon Renard as Mary’s evil genius. Like he’s the one that suggests bringing back burning…girl, you KNOW as queen you can change the law back. I do like the very very dark comedy of “murdering  Elizabeth wouldn’t be murder, it would be exorcism.”

Tone

Elizabeth vomiting on Mary’s litter out of SPITE. I live for this kind of thing. A good depiction of Elizabeth’s anguish upon entering the Tower. Proof that you don’t need first person POV to get close to the characters if you can write emotion well. (And showing her fear rather than saying “I was terrified” is much more effective.)

Endlessly cynical Elizabeth + children= fun combination. She calls a child ‘a nasty little turd’ which made me laugh even though I shouldn’t. Very dark comedy with the boy (He’s 5!) asked what’s in the flowers (meaning smuggled letters) and he answers “mostly bluebells”. A good moment to establish how paranoid the world is at this point. A literal toddler is being interrogated. It’s nice when the narrative takes a segue into other characters’ perspectives. I like Bridges too, and how Elizabeth’s life is literally saved by his own personal priorities, even though he himself is just a regular official. It gives a sense of mutability and insecurity without spelling it out.

Pacing

The opening can be a little finger-tapping. At times it feels both rushed and slow. Nevertheless we get set up for the court politics. The pacing improves over the course of the first part. She has a challenge on her hands: cover Elizabeth’s whole story in 650 pages. I think she can pull it off, just. Interested to see what she chooses to focus on in the next parts.  

History

C’mon Susan. Susie baby. Charles V is Mary’s COUSIN not her UNCLE. Anne portrayed as a malign influence on Henry, which is unfair IMHO, but I think it works with the theme of haunting.

Anne of Cleves is ugly, Katherine Howard is wanton, Edward is delicate, Catherine Parr is a nurse, Anne Stanhope is evil incarnate. Also Edward is messed-up as evidenced by his chronicle. Also there’s torches on the walls? I’m not sure that’s an effective way to light a hall.

John Dudley proposed to divorce his wife and marry Elizabeth (page 132) “together we will take the throne” WHAT is happening I am SO confused. Is this made up??? Is it an old myth?? It feels like a big deal? And it’s mention off-hand by Susan? I’m getting soo much whiplash. You can’t drop that bombshell on me and then run away into the sunset Susan! Explain yourself!

“Who in this largely Protestant land would support a catholic claimant?” BECAUSE THEY AREN’T PROTESTANT YET THAT WAS WHY THEY RIOTED OVER THE PRAYER BOOK.

There is a sweet friendship between Elizabeth and her servant Isabelle Markham. We have at least moved away from Elizabeth the hater of other girls.

Good use of historical events woven into narrative, and some good points made. Anne fears divorce not death, her marriage is annulled so she can’t even be guilty of adultery. Seymour brothers quarrelling in front of Elizabeth: good detail. The kitchen crashing by the Countess of Lennox is deftly weaved into the story: not just to annoy Elizabeth but deliberately to agitate her until she makes a mistake. A weapon of psychological warfare. I also like how Robert’s relationship with Elizabeth is woven into the greater story: Dudley fails BECAUSE he sent Robert to capture Mary and Robert is too young and inexperienced to pull it off. But he has to send Robert BECAUSE he can’t send Robert to capture Elizabeth instead. And he can’t send Robert to capture Elizabeth BECAUSE he knows Robert won’t stand for harming her.

Again Elizabeth hates Cranmer but Remnarc the Coward was quite a clever dig and a nice way to weave in Robert being in the Tower and their burgeoning relationship.

Prose

“That look of hers would see through lead”

Henry is “afraid of a shadow in the sun” I saw what you did there, Susan. “Eyes that see inside your head” or you could say…make a window into your soul…

“The dreadful trusting smile of a little girl” “and when you were paid to take care of a child, the worst thing you could do was to give your heart- you never got it back intact.” Susan Kay was a teacher IIRC, I wonder if that line has significance to her career. Anne Stanhope “like a crocodile sinking beneath the surface of a lake”. The word ‘crybaby’ felt out of place, but the prose is generally competent, with moments of flair. There’s very little scene- setting, but honestly given how much story we have to get through, I get it.

Time to read the second third of the book!

[themilkcrate]

Updated Colleen Ballinger Situation Summary (8/27/2023)

Bad articles for reading up on the Colleen Ballinger situation

Vanity Fair (Recognized by the internet as a puff piece)

TMZ (Victim blaming, spreading misinformation, bad journalism in general, etc)

A great article for the Colleen Ballinger situation: Rolling Stone article

Who is Colleen Ballinger?

36 years old (37 in November 2023)

$12 million (ish) net worth

Been on YouTube for about 17 years

Most well known for her Miranda Sings character/alter ego

Has a Netflix show: "Haters Back Off"

Winner of the 2015 Teen Choice Awards for Choice Web Star: Comedy

Has been on tour many times (live shows)

Mother of three (3) children

Sister of Trent Ballinger (also accused: down below)

Accusations against Colleen Ballinger (No particular order)

Blackface (1) (Her lawyer Andrew Brettler has since denied the blackface allegations, saying it was dark green face paint)

Blackface (2) (Made a video with her sister mocking Latina girls)

Racism (Reported to be racist behind the scenes of her Netflix show: Haters Back Off)

Antisemitism: Tweet (s)

Fatphobia (Has insulted fans at meet & greets, etc)

Encouraging body checking to children (Has caused many fans to struggle with food, develop EDs, etc)

Slutshaming & degrading children (Having a "porn bit" at her live shows. More details down below)

Sending lingerie to a minor (2016, about 13 years old)

Running a smear campaign on a 17 year old for 3 years (the 17 years old that later came out against her for sending him lingerie) (more has since been revealed about this situation)

Saying "context matters" in an "apology" for sending lingerie to a minor and then removing the context of her begging Adam to send him lingerie.

Having James Charles support her on twitter regarding Adam McIntyre (the kid that got sent lingerie) (This lead to Adam being doxed multiple times and harassed for 3+ years)

Taking advantage of her fans for free labor (One case: Adam McIntyre, has been confirmed having worked for her for 4 years as a child)

Victim Blaming Adam McIntyre (a child) ("i never would have send the lingerie if he hadn't asked) (She removed evidence of her begging to send the lingerie to him in her response video)

Gaslighting, Manipulating, and Love Bombing her fans (Usually children, multiple counts/situations/years, etc)

Animal abuse/Animal cruelty & not taking care of her cats (Stuffing a cat in a bag and watching it struggle to get out; "sawing" a cat in half with a comb; joking about hurting a dog as a kid, it biting her, Colleen lying about what happened, and the dog being put down)

Being in Group Chats with Fans (Topics included: divorce, virginity, favorite sex position, periods, etc)

Inappropriate behavior with sister and nephew

Inappropriate YouTube thumbnails, videos, and series (One thumbnail featured her covering her face with the words "I'm a pedophile!")

Harassing homeless people (with friends like Todrick Hall)

Distributing Trisha Paytas' OF content to at least one minor (15 year old Adam McIntyre)

Hosting viewing parties to watch Trisha Paytas' OF content to make fun of her.

Insulting Trisha Paytas & her body ("We saw a whale squirt and I'm not taking about Trisha Paytas.")

Having multiple books marketed towards children (Inappropriate topics down below)

Using Fundly to run Children's Cancer Fund/Charity Event, which made the money that fans donated go directly to her bank account (She refuses to show receipts, but we do know at least some of the money was donated under Miranda Sings LLC.)

Allegedly creating a character on her Netflix show based off of a fan. Colleen thinks that Ella (the fan) was faking her illness to get closer to her. (Ella does in fact have fibro) The Netflix character is portrayed to be faking fibro, though it is kind of unclear whether the character actually has it or not.

Insulting fans behind their back (Ella, as well as other fans)

Transphobia (Ella, Colleen's books, etc)

Minimizing the situation (1) The Ukulele Video

Minimizing the situation (2) Calling Becky's situation a teenager being mad over a "fart joke" that happened "5 years ago." (More details down below)

Live Shows (Multiple Incidents)

Pulling a girls legs apart on stage (for a "yoga bit), almost exposing her to the crowd (the girl was wearing a romper so she'd be invited on stage for the porn bit)

Endangering Fans: Becky (The girl mentioned above) says that a lot of men were looking at her in a "predatory way" when she got off stage. She felt unsafe walking to her car. (One example)

Having a bit where Colleen would stuff a bag of cheese balls into her pants and would target young boys (9 to 11 years old) to bring on stage and have them put their hand down her pants.

She was targeting young boys because a fan (age 15 or so) asked if he could be in the bit and she told him "you're to old for that bit."

Colleen had a "porn bit" where she encouraged young girls to dress either like her character Miranda Sings (red pants, white shirt, usually long sleeves) or to dress "skimpy." (usually a tank top and shorts) Colleen would bring the girls on stage and call the one dressed as her "not porn" and girl dressed "skimpy" "not porn." (Reminder: these are children)

The Books & Inappropriate Topics/Encouraging Bad Behavior (Incomplete List) (There are videos on YouTube going over the books more in depth where you can see the books yourself)

Jokes about animal abuse/animal cruelty

irl pictures of a kid on a leash

Ableism (the R slur)

Transphobia

Homophobia

Sexualization of Children

Slutshaming Children

Jokes at the expense of homeless people

Normalization of pedo behavior

Normalization of incestuous behavior (Lots of creepy uncle jokes that are way too serious)

"Here's how to get a boyfriend: Get a net, gloves, binoculars..."

Normalization of r#pe culture ("If someone says no, try harder!")

"What a good boyfriend looks like: *picture of multiple youtubers & content creators including Shane Dawson.*"

(Shane Dawson has since been exposed for being inappropriate behavior with fans, including kissing 12 year old fans)

QR Codes to her own videos such as "How to twerk" (and "not be porn.") on the Miranda Sings YouTube channel

Telling kids to get a "clean copy" of the book so they can mess with this copy of the book and have a copy to mess with and a "clean" one. (greedy, greedy)

Trent Ballinger (Colleen's brother) & Oliver (Who is trans identified as a girl at the time) Trent: 33, Oliver: 13 (at the time)

Inappropriate behavior with children (Oliver has since come out against him)

DMing fans (Messages to Oliver are down below)

"My family says I shouldn't talk to people under 18."

"You look like my last girlfriend in that photo."

"Anything we say stays between you and I."

""You would look good preg if you ever want children one day."

Vanity Fair: Andrew Quintana is the author of this article. What went wrong?

Didn't reach out to both sides

Portrayed Adam McIntyre as a stalker and a liar (An obsessive fan, basically)

Got Adam's birthplace wrong. Said he was from Brighton, England. Adam is from Derry, Ireland. (This has since been corrected. It was the only correction made to the article)

Victim blames Adam McIntyre

Andrew Brettler (Collen's lawyer) denies a "Single Ladies" performance in dark green face paint isn't black face. Brettler never make a comment on Colleen grooming fans.

"The reality of some of these claims, and in turn, the broader narrative around Ballinger, remains murky."

"Ballinger painted a seemingly accurate portrait of the Miranda Sings community: a silly place for kids like McIntyre to belong, looking up to an increasingly famous and powerful public figure. “I’m not a monster, I’m not a groomer, and I do not deserve to die,” Ballinger said in the video"

"Meanwhile, Ballinger continued to work on a YouTube channel that was far from her Miranda Sings satire. “Colleen Vlogs” offered wholesome lifestyle content about her kids. McIntyre appeared to seize on this, accusing Ballinger’s brother’s family—“the Ballinger family,” who have a family-oriented channel—of endangering and “exploiting” their children online."

“How creepy that I feel I watched them grow up,” [Adam McIntyre] said. “It’s disgusting.” His critique gave way to a denunciation of family channels more broadly."

Shades HuffPost

Compares the allegations against Colleen Ballinger to right wingers accusing any gay dude of being a groomer.

A gay man (Quintana) is weaponizing the LGBTQ+ community against Collen's victims (many of whom are LGBTQ+)

Compares people talking about Colleen to the "anti-Amber Heard brigade."

Quintana @'ed Adam McIntyre so he would see, turned off the comments on his latest Insta post, turned off all comments, and then blocked Adam. Adam literally just wanted to know what was up. He wasn't even being harassed.

There has since been recent news about Johnny Silvestri (one of the people who came out against Colleen and her ex-husband Josh). The best way to find info about that side of the situation in watching SWOOP's doc on it. (Part 3)

It's a long watch, but she actually has journalistic integrity (unlike Andrew Quintana). She keeps things engaging while providing important information.

If more comes out (which it probably will), I'll either remake this post, edit it, etc.

[adamwatchesmovies]

Here Comes the Boom (2012)

While I didn't enjoy this film, that doesn't mean you won't. No matter what I say, the people involved in this project did it: they actually made a movie. That's something to be applauded. With that established...

Just say “No” to Here Comes the Boom. This Happy Madison production isn’t as egregious as most but it tries so hard to wring emotions out of its audience there’s no dirty trick it won’t try. Every inch of it stinks of artificial sweetness and a mechanical heart beats at its core. This film desperately wants to be “Rocky” and never even comes close.

Disillusioned biology teacher Scott Voss (Kevin James) learns budget cutbacks will result in the music program being canceled. Its teacher, Marty Streb (Henry Winkler) desperately needs the job to support his pregnant wife. To raise the money needed to keep the program alive, Scott begins competing in mixed martial arts matches.

Take a look at Kevin James. Even when he’s “buff” like he is in this movie, you won’t believe for a second that he would even consider fighting to make money. Scott rides a motorcycle, which makes him cool. Normal viewers might categorize him as a loser teacher who sucks at his job but the movie tells you he’s got what it takes to not only inspire his kids but take care of the old man who’s about to go broke because of the kid that’s underway. If it isn't obvious enough, this is a thinly-veiled self-insert fantasy. At night, Scott teaches classes for people who want to get their U.S. citizenship, which movie-wise, serves double duty. It's an excuse to insert some gags at the expense of people whose first language isn’t English and explain why it’s ok for him to constantly harass Bella (Salma Hayek), the sexy teacher he pines for. By the end of the movie, you know she’s going to end up in his arms, which speaks to Hayek’s acting talent that she can keep a straight face while indulging Kevin James and director Frank Coraci.

Taking cues from the Sylvester Stallone classic, with a hint of School of Rock and none of the appeal of either film, I saw right through Here Comes the Boom. Maybe you won’t. Even if the story does bend you into the shape of a pretzel like it intends to, I bet you won’t swallow the sports portion of the movie. Scott begins his "career" with matches that barely last 10 seconds, in a venue where they’re probably also betting on which rooster will die first. Before the end of the school year, he's pitted against a professional fighter. It's pure science fiction. The script goes to great lengths to tell us how he used to wrestle in college, and there is a training montage where a former fighter (Bas Rutten as Niki) teaches him the moves… but this is a comedy. The MMA scenes are more about seeing Kevin James get kneed in the head than winning. A few scenes later, we're supposed to be dramatically invested in his big match. Impossible. Here Comes the Boom could’ve gone with something realistic; maybe Joe Rogan (playing himself) has a secret passion for playing the tuba and comes to rescue the school program after hearing what Scott is doing but nah, they had to go for the ultimate “winner” of an ending. It's an insult to your intelligence.

Here Comes the Boom has few laughs to offer. Its attempt at an inspirational story will make you roll your eyes. The moments of heart are not the least bit genuine. This leaves us with Kevin James, who might have some appeal to some… but not this reviewer. (On DVD, October 12, 2019)

[thenixkat]

Dandadan chapter 30: Don't give up! Damn near every kid getting added to the group being a love rival for like the first 3-4 arcs of new kids getting added is just so bleh. Like, Jiji didn't even have to be into Momo, Ken was whole ass just losing his shit just from another dude, a good looking cool dude (somehow), just interacting with Momo. Ken's pathetic ass was doing all the work on his own. but also it's kind of pathetic to write a girl who's dude friends are all into her romantically. Like… ew. Which is again reasons why I don't really give Dandadan more props than bare minimum in regards to writing its ladies, cause the sexist shit just kinda permeates the writing (and designs) even if its not like in yer face about it outside of several places

like, gals and guys can literally be friends without any kind of romo shit popping up. But amatonormativity permeating culture refuses to be normal about gals and guys being friends which is why so much media, like Dandadan, refuses to just let bitches be friends with folks of a gender they're otherwise attracted to. Its all just so much allo/alloro bullshit. Aaaaand to the actual chapter. Momo grabs the anatomical model b/c she thinks Taro's testicle of gold and Ken's so she's determined to stop a fucker and get a better look at his nuts which is…uh…

Sexual harassment/assault given trying to force someone to show you their genitals is kinda yikes. Which if I'm thinking about it makes this another case of ladies being sexually inappropriate with dudes being used for comedy. Which, yeah Dandadan really is just comedic sexual assault the series for like several volumes Jiji who attempted to save Momo from the charging monster b/c he didnt know fuckers have superpowers is holding on to Momo for dear life b/c they're flying at speed and Ken's pissed off b/c 'Jiji is hugging Momo' and like, kid yer fucking priorities, its been like a week since you first met this girl

Idk, now that I've actually been thinking about how much time actually passed in the first few arcs, it's weakening the romance for me. Cause like, really? Yer feelings are sooooo fucking deep for someone you've known for a week at best who you were only really actually friends with for maybe a day b4 romo bullshit started popping up? It doesn't work for me anymore like if more time had passed between arcs I'd be more ok with it. But a week? A week? I don't buy it. AT best this some puppy love And I don't take puppy love seriously

especially when the writer instead of wanting to show more bits of characters clearly caring about eachother to advance the relationship/show their into eachother (and communicating more than getting into arguments) and prefers just making fuckers angry and jealous by having the same shit happen over and over with more and more shallowly written romantic false leads damn, i am not paying attention to this chapter?

actually moving to the next page. Jiji has zero clue what's going on and is just concerned that another monster (Ken) showed up

this is the second wild chase through a town involving flight and/or superspeed piggyback rides. Ya know Momo and Ken should probably get a reputation from this type of shit like getting labled as the local cryptids just cause fuckers can't see Momo's giant psychic hands or Ken's yokai form doesnt mean they cant see Ken moving at fucking speed or shit levitating ALso I really do like how we repeatedly see Ken complaining about the weight of the people riding him/he's carrying (Momo and Aira) but he says jack shit about the combined weight of Momo and Jiji's big canoniclly heavy as fuck ass. Boy said he was not about to admit weakness infront of the enemy (Jiji) Also noted a few differences between this scene in the manga and anime. Anime of course adding more action and put everyone on roofs for more property damage

like 'Hey, we caught you and we'll give you back yer heart if you show us yer genitals [also we'll take yer genitals if we they look like they might belong to our friend]' is just such a sus way to write a mimi plot for a chapter Like there's ways to have done this that don't amount to sexual harassment at minimum and assault at worse but the mangaka really fucking likes to go out of their way to make shit sexual assault

but also like, if Ken's magic nut was animating this dude, would ya really just fucking kill him by taking it back? Yes yes I understand this is supposed to be touching and that we're supposed to feel something about this causing Ken to have the epiphany that he's in romantic love with Momo. But again these bitches have known eachother for barely a week, I can't take it seriously now that I know such little time passed. Like Ken has no fucking experience to know what being in romantic love is like or that what he's feeling is even love and not like platonic love cause this bitch aint never had friends either

'But Nix, clearly its romantic love since there's so much devotion and intensity!' You sound like weak fucking amatonormativitve bitch who thinks that that romo feelings are more important and deeper than platonic feelings and clearly should fuck off instead of trying to change my aromantic ass mind.

Like yeah, Momo/Ken is ok if I turn my brain off but that doesn't say good things about the writing if I have to not think about shit to take it more seriously. Hell, I was already seeing cracks in the writing when I caught on to just how much the writer was dragging shit out before letting them officially get together (which doesnt bode well for the writer's ability to actually write characters in a romo relationship) but now that I noticed just how fucking quickly bitches decided they were in love its so fucking funny and flimsy to me.

[forfoxessake]

JULY (2023) - movies

VERTIGO (1958)   Directed by Alfred Hitchcock

Kim Novak -  James Stewart -  James Stewart

I read the novel before watching the movie, I can't remember now it got recommended to me and I decided to read it, and I recall really enjoying it. But it's been a while so the plot felt familiar but I'm not sure we have the same ending. It's still a banger of a movie. I'm obsessed with his friend's living room/studio.

Palm Springs (2020)  Directed by Max Barbakow

Andy Samberg -  Cristin Milioti -  J.K. Simmons

Funny and silly, a different take on the stuck repeating the same day over and over trope. It's a refreshing romcom when we have become so used to whatever is on Netflix.

Sex and the City (2008)

Sarah Jessica Parker -  Kim Cattrall -  Kristin Davis -  Cynthia Nixon

It's over two hours long when it didn't really need to go over the 90-minute mark. It's like it's a tv season compressed into a movie, so we get some good moments and lots of plot and storylines that it would only work on a weekly 20-minute thing. I just spaced out for a good half an hour after the not-honeymoon.

Sex and the City 2 (2010)

Sarah Jessica Parker -  Kim Cattrall -  Kristin Davis -  Cynthia Nixon

It’s a completely unnecessary and racist film. I get that they were trying to make a point that women everywhere deserve a voice (Miranda’s barely talked about workplace harassment does that better) but they ended up being racist, still a bit homophobic, and in complete disregard of cultural changes.

Going to the other side of the world and expecting that everyone will think like Americans because that’s the right way it’s so “Karen-White-Cis” coded that it could have been a good thing for the movie if they were more self-aware. Instead, they make a joke about Miranda actually trying to learn and respect the culture. I sure hope the new TV series is trying to do better.

Close (2022)   DIrected by Lukas Dhont

letterboxd user commented on this film with just this:

"silence has rarely been this loud"

And I could not agree more. The silence here screams so loud, it makes our ears ring and our heartache with all of the pain.

Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One (2023)  Directed by Christopher McQuarrie

Tom Cruise - Hayley Atwell -  Ving Rhames -  Simon Pegg -  Rebecca Ferguson

Always that film that you want to see on the big screen. I wasn't expecting to laugh so hard but the driving scenes with Hayley Atwell are just comedy gold. RIP the best character.

Ma vie de courgette (2016) -  Directed by Claude Barras

My heart could barely handle this. Kids being kids in extraordinary situations.

Barbie (2023) - Directed by Greta Gerwig

Margot Robbie - Ryan Gosling - America Ferrera

I enjoyed it just as much as Mission Impossible the week before, it's a fun blockbuster, very pink and female-oriented, a rarity in a male-dominated scene. They try and mostly achieve to talk about all of that and Mattel's own problems, it's not perfect, but its a lot more self-aware than it needed to be.

[thebrownssociety]

Sensational Six Headcanons  Part 1

1. They have a system set up where once a fortnight they go round each others houses [children and Pluto included] and take turns cooking. The system varies depending on commitment, but as a general rule it’s all to the Mouse's on Friday evening, then Donalds at some point during the following week [usually either a Wednesday or Thursday as they’re the two days the triplets are less likely to have something on] and finally all to Goofy’s on the Saturday. 

2. Adding onto the above, Mickey and Minnie usually work together, one cooking, one playing hostess. Donald and Daisy tend to work together as well - they simply go to Donald's for convenience because not only is his houses bigger the triplets don’t have to move around - as for Goofy it depends on what age Max is at to if he is a hindrance or a help. In older mode Max will help his dad cook and take on the more hostess role. In the younger version he’ll largely just get under everyone's feet and try-to-help-but-not-really-manage-it like kids do.

3. They’re known - as you imagine - for being a team. You mess with one of them you mess with all of them. Goofy tends to get this the most, because most toons/people assume that he’s the weak link so they try to get to him in order to get to Mickey/Donald. The rest of the SS are aware of this and are very quick at identifying someone trying this and they will intervene. 

Donald is the best at this because usually all he has to do is yell “Hey!” and march towards the offending toon/human and they will usually scarper. Even grown Human [I.E. us]  men are a little nervous at taking on Donald Duck because he is just that unpredictable and he’s strong. Ridiculously strong. He also has a mean right hook that no one is particularly keen to be on the receiving end of.

Mickey isn’t as headstrong and impulsive as Donald and his favoured techniques change depending on if he’s dealing with a Toon or a Human. Toons - depending on the circumstances he’ll either anvil them, punch them or just simply call them out on what they’re doing. He’s more wary than Donald is at the idea of hitting a Human, so his favoured technique there is simply to remind them that Disney has no issues suing the offended for harassment and that tends to scare them off. To be totally honest as well, it does hardly get to that point though. For some reason the mere sight of Mickey Mouse heading towards them/appearing at there side saying “Is everything alright fellas?”  tends to stop Humans in there tracks. It’s amazing to witness, it’s a bit like a magic trick.

Just  to clarify this doesn’t happen very often. Mickey, Donald and Goofy once sat down and worked it out. Approximately once every three years? 

This isn’t to say Goofy can’t take care of  himself. Toons, he can deal with quite easily. Again anvilling them pretty much always works. Either that or Goofy uses his skills in physical comedy to run away or outwit them. He can confuse a toon by teleporting himself around the area that they’re in, duplicating himself or simply doing something that’s SO illogical -even for a toon - that the other toons mind ends up breaking and they run off to the Looney Bin.  

Minnie and Daisy don’t step in as often as Mickey and Donald - mainly because they’re often doing other things to the boys so aren't always there - but on the rare occasions it’s happened near them they’ll take similar steps to there respective husbands. Daisy will get angry and kick up SUCH a fuss that other passers  by will come and find out what's going on, Minnie will either do the same as Daisy - it’s amazing what a high-pitched female scream can do to get people’s attention - or she’ll  go over and intervene herself via reminding the perpetrator that Disney has no issue suing them.

[nekropsii]

Lord, I am not used to responding to people, and my brain has been scrambled for a while now (my blog has been running on queue for several days), so forgive me if this sucks, lol.

Not overstepping bounds or anything, it's a fair argument. I simply didn't really include that because I view that more as a Reference than an attempt at a Parallel. It's a very subtle but important distinction to make, in my opinion. "Parallel" implies that it's thought-provoking and utterly intentional, placed there as a means of expressing some kind of overarching narrative similarity. They tend to mean a lot- to the writer, the readers, and the plot. They're not always groundbreaking, but they mean something, and are meant to add a bit of depth to the narrative itself. "Reference" doesn't imply any of that, and is often there simply as a form of fanservice- which isn't necessarily a bad thing. References can add quite a lot to a story if done correctly, but overall, they don't tend to be placed there to whisper "Hey, you should think about this for the next half hour." Parallels tend to be a dramatic trope, while references are often used for comedy. Homestuck is both, and utilizes both.

Though parallels are a simple concept in theory and execution, they're often meant to hold very substantial meaning within any fictional work. The first thing that came to mind was the repetition of the phrase "I need to regain my honor" in Avatar: The Last Airbender by various different characters, chiefly Aang and Sokka, spoken only at low points. These are purposeful parallels to Zuko's character, and it holds an extreme amount of weight and meaning despite its simplicity. I'll spare everyone the infodump, because this is a Homestuck blog, not an Avatar blog, thank god.

I say that I do not view Rufioh and Horuss's relationship as a parallel to Dirk and Jake's relationship not because I view absolutely zero similarities between the two, but because the most damning similarities- like that line- are, to me, purely just references. It's all kind of vapid. They don't hold any deep meaning to them, there's no profound material to analyze, it was just Hussie doing his usual thing of referencing things, constantly, all the time. Hell, Rufioh's entire character is a reference to Rufio, from Hook. This stylistic choice of heavy utilization of reference isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's just... A thing.

Your speculative notes on the Alpha Trolls being meant to parallel the Alpha Kids are interesting. I have no further insight on that. It's an interesting interpretation, and I do see where it's coming from... But I find myself incapable of forming eloquent thoughts on it due to the Alpha Kids not quite being within the scope of my wheelhouse, analytically speaking. I will say, if we are to take this all as a parallel rather than an accident- we really don't know either way- then this is made doubly interesting by the fact that Caliborn and Meenah would absolutely be parallels of each other, by that logic.

Caliborn forced Trickster Mode onto the Alpha Kids to force them into action, because he felt they were being too friendly and too emotional, and that this would slap them into productivity. Meenah publicly harassed and humiliated Damara for the exact same reasons. She felt as if the schism that caused would have forced everyone into being more hostile and energized, and therefore more likely to make decisions. She did this because everyone was getting along too well, and thought the game would be compromised if people... Didn't hate each other, basically. She tried to trigger "every man for himself"-style competitiveness in a team-based game, like an idiot. Same shit, different session. Wild.

Admittedly one part of this question is outside your wheelhouse but as the main Alpha Trolls Guy I follow, what would you say is the purpose of the parallels between Horuss and Rufioh on the one hand and Dirk and Jake on the other? Esp since it was Rufioh, the Jake-figure, who was decapitated. Is it just an “All things come round again” example of Paradox Space doing its thing, or to show that Dirk and Jake wouldn’t last under the circumstances of the void session, or?

I swear to God I don't mean this to sound mean, but... I don't think there's any profound "purpose", because I don't think they parallel in any profound way at all. Similarities between the two are incredibly surface level, and I'm not really of the opinion that Dirk and Jake own the themes/motifs "being paralleled" or anything.

Typically the explanation for DirkJake/RufUss paralleling each other is that they're both Gay Relationships that have Communication Issues, and there's something in there relating to Decapitation. That's... It, though? Sure, that's a parallel in the technical sense, but there's nothing deep to it. Plenty of other things in Homestuck share one of those traits, and it doesn't really mean much. Hell, I'd attribute Horuss and Rufioh being a gay relationship with communication problems to Hussie genuinely just not handling gay relationships and characters all that well, rather than them being some god-tier writer.

I couldn't tell you the purpose because I'm not even sure if it was intentional. Everything else about them is so vastly different that I'm inclined to believe any similarities weren't intended. To me, it's purely a consequence of them having been written by the same author.

[zatsy]

i didnt know you didn't like hazbin hotel/helluva boss. what's wrong with them?????

Even if you put everything about Vivziepop as a person aside (which. you shouldn't. Even if you chalk up her old art to youthful ignorance & poor judgment, it doesn't excuse the toxic work environment she's propagated where people are overworked, underpaid, and discouraged from speaking up about workplace harassment. Dozens of ex-employees have corroborated this as far back as 2019) the shows are just. Not Very Good from a design or writing perspective.

The character designs are way too busy for animation. There are so many extraneous details that could be removed from like almost every character. None of them look like they're designed to exist in a 3D space. You can see where there's an understanding of shape & flow but when they're put in any angle besides dead-on, it all falls flat. I think the idea of having all your characters share a color scheme is interesting in theory, but in practice, it really limits how much individuality you can give each character. There's only so many permutations of white, black, yellow, pink, and red before you start getting repeats.

For two shows that advertise themselves as adult comedies, I can't think of a single joke from either show that's made me laugh. It's just. A constant stream of swearing, sexual innuendo, gratuitous violence, and references to drugs/alcohol. It feels like the writers are legally obligated to reference sex or make a character say fuck like every 3 lines or so. All of these things can be funny when serving a plot point or an overarching bit, but a character saying "fuck" and talking about jerking off every few seconds isn't funny in a vacuum. Its humor feels designed for teens who are coming off of kids' cartoons and get dazzled by the spectacle of colorful cartoon characters swearing and getting into adult situations.

I'm not going to pretend that I'm morally superior for disliking Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel. They're just two more adult animated comedies that I don't find funny or interesting. If you do, it's no skin off my nose.